#desperately | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

butmakeitgayblog · 4 months

Note

I shouldn’t speak on anyone else’s behalf, but I’d like to hear about the new angsty not-fake-dating au idea please

Ok 👀

Gonna preface this by saying Clarke's overall character in the first half is... questionable. But listen just, set that aside for a minute and think of Clexa and also endgame 😅

So I was thinking something along the lines of Lexa gets recruited by a friend of a friend of a friend/distant classmate/ad in the college paper? Idk, whatever. But anyway, someone she's not at all close with or really has any ties to, and she's basically hired to pretend to be this girl's girlfriend for a group vacation her and her friends are going on (She's a nice girl, but a lonely gay/bi in a group of party girls/ habitually dating girls who always have Someone™ dangling off their arm, but this girl does not. Always looked over, the eternally single friend, etc. You get the gist.) And Lexa's hot. And kind of intimidating. Has that whole smokey eyed badass, femme fatale aura about her. It's... a reach, but also kind of perfect because it'll make this girl look fantastic to her friends in the street cred department and also possibly give her confidence the little boost that it needed. And considering Lexa grew up the only gay in her town, and didn't grow into her very gangly and awkward body until senior year of high school, she gets what it's like to always be the one passed up. Plus she could use the cash. So she's more than down for this. Everything's great, right? Right.

Except for the fact that one of said girls on the trip is in fact, Clarke. Who does have her own date. Now, I can't quite decide if Clarke would know about the arrangement or not, but regardless, Clarke has always been the main one in the group who is this girl's cheerleader. Very "you're better than how you treat yourself. You deserve everything, and it's not fair that people don't see it. The right person will fall in love with you in an instant, believe me. You're worth it." Very that supportive friend. She's ride or die until the end.

Now, Lexa's technically "on the clock" so to speak the entire trip, which means she is laying on the charm thiccc af. It's not exactly a stretch by any means because she is naturally a doting girlfriend in relationships (when she has one), but ya know, she's giving this girl her money's worth. She wants her feel like a princess for the entire trip. Yes it's a job, but it's also nice just making a girl feel special when she's not used to it.

The only problem is... Clarke is also seeing all of this. All of Lexa's sweetness and all of her thoughtful actions. Her attentiveness and her softness beneath the edgy exterior. The little presents Lexa surpises her friend with, the way she remembers her friend's little quirks. Always remembering her food preferences, her favorite drinks. Lexa's got this girlfriend thing down to a science. She's just so goddamn thoughtful and charming to boot. And also hot. Can't forget hot. Like really, unfairly hot. But mostly it's the way she's so gentle and sweet.

The other issue is, Lexa sees that in Clarke too. She sees that out of everyone, Clarke is pretty much the only one who actually treats this girl with kindness and respect. Never talking down to her or placating her, never just treating her like an afterthought. Clarke is so damn sweet and thoughtful, beautiful and fiery sometimes to a fault. She's funny, and warm, and just... the entire package. She understands why Clarke is never single.

But. It quickly becomes A Problem™. Because it's in the moments that Lexa is trying very hard to just focus on her "job" that she constantly finds herself in Clarke's orbit. In the mornings when she's up early making ~her girl~ her fancy coffee, late at night when she's tinkering around in the kitchen making her a lil snackie snack so they can watch a movie before bed. Those stolen interacting becomes moments of them just talking, Clarke on the counter as they chat while Lexa feels her eyes on everything she does. Them lounging by the pool while the others run into town for supplies. Dinners out with Clarke sat close on one side,,, while the girl sits on the other.

And there's flirting. Way too much flirting whenever they're in private. Effortless flirting that Lexa isn't really aware of until it smacks her in the face that they're both just idiots smiling. But it's all very cloaked in joking and throwaway moments because, technically, they're both supposed to be attached.

And as most things are, everything is fine. Until it's not.

The whole situation comes to a boiling point when they just get lost in one of those moments. A night of too many drinks and way too much flirting, finding themselves entirely too close in their villa's bathroom. It feels dangerously like the period on the end of a sentence that was written the second they'd layed eyes on each other. Before they realize what they're doing, Lexa's hoisted Clarke up onto the bathroom counter, her fingers pumping between Clarke's legs. It's a heated rush of moans and licks to sex-sweetened skin, both grabbing at each other through messy kisses meant to leave bruises. Both way too far gone into the release of all the tension to realize that... Clarke's being kind of loud...

It's a fucking catastrophe after that because yeah, well, Clarke definitely just cheated. In front of everyone. Including her "boyfriend". Though granted she'd only been seeing the guy for like a month so it's... it's not as earth shattering for her as it could be. But the real issue, the real vomit inducing kick in the moral gut is that she's just ruined the entire facade for het friend. Made her a look fool in front of everyone. Basically fucked the entire thing up for this girl who had only wanted to feel like she fit in. Just once. It honestly makes her feel awful. It's not like she just accepts it and feels ok with it, she is thoroughly disgusted with herself.

Obviously Lexa returns the money, letting herself be branded a homewrecker and cheater rather than embarrassing this girl further with exposing the truth that they were never actually together. She can carry that stigma as long as it means she's not doing anything to hurt this girl worse. She's caused enough problems as it is.

In the end everyone goes home. Pissed off or hurt or with a new bit of gossip to tell. Clexa going their own separate ways, without a single other word to each other.

The girl never talks to Clarke again when they get home and despite Clarke's efforts to try and make amends, she doesn't blame her. It was the single worst fuck up she'd ever made in her life. Which is why she takes the time to stop dating altogether and start really working on herself. Because she didn't like the version of herself who would do something like that to anyone, much less her friend. Feelings or not. Tipsy or not.

Lexa also never hears from the friend again, though that is not even remotely a surprise after everything. But she still wishes she could have done something to make things right. Some gesture or, or... something to fix what she'd fucked up so royally. It's a guilt she carries with her for a long, long while.

Eventually though, a few years down the line when it's more just a distant memory that still stings but doesn't burn quite as bad as it used to, the friend reaches out to Clarke in the form of a very opulent and beautiful wedding invitation that says she's... getting married to the guy Clarke cheated on that weekend. Clarke doesn't want to go, at all, but kind of feels obligated because not only is this the first olive branch she's ever gotten from her old friend, but also like,,, tf??? You're marrying that guy?!??! What the hell happenesd??? So she's gotta go. She has to, just to make the final amends for what she did.

Which works out well because the girl is all smiles and that bubbly laughter that comes from real, true happiness. She seems so easy and free when she tells Clarke that she is total over it. That they'd found the love that they'd been searching for in each other while commiserating through the pain of that trip. "Eh. Burnt toast theory and all that," is how she puts it with a lift of her champagne in response to Clarke's very thought-out apology.

So it's good. It's not great, and it doesn't make up for what Clarke did, but at least she now knows that her friend is at peace with what happened.

And then aND THEN Clarke catches a glimpse of Lexa at one of the tables across the room. Looking awkward and unsure and still disrespectfully hot in her formal wedding attire. And her friend, in all of her wedded blissed out glory, is like "Oh right. So. Speaking of blasts from the past. I invited another old friend... You should go say hi."

With the bride's blessing, she does exactly that despite her absolute terror at the prospect of seeing Lexa again. They have drinks and reminisce over wedding cake about that fucking shitshow of a vacation, catching each other up on where they are in their lives now and how they've been. They talk about how stupid they were. How awful and, honestly, immature. But through their embarrassed commiseration and disgust with their past selves, they both carefully (and not so carefully) toe around the subject that while they both do regret the way it happened... neither actually regret that it did. Because the sex had meant something. Because the feelings were entirely real. Those late night talks and time spent together still mean something today. Even through the messiness and the people hurt in the aftermath, the connection had been real, and in the end it had always sort of felt like the other was 'the one who got away'. So, drinks turn into dancing, which turns into Lexa catching a ride home with Clarke in a designated cab. And before either of them know what's happening, it's Clarke that Lexa is making breakfast for in bed 👀

#anonymous-red-506 #anon #not-fake-dating au #this needs a better name #desperately

67 notes · View notes

notwhelmedyet · 2 years

Text

need to mow a lawn? why don't you

#no i don't have a scythe but i want one #desperately #this post is directed at all of my neighbors who are using their motorized lawnmowers #while i'm on conference calls for work #lawnmowers suck #using a scythe will take longer which is why you should plant most of your lawn in native perennials ;)#that way there's less to mow #image description in alt text #thank you to the bookbinding chat for helping make the graphic design as awful as possible #scythes #blazed post #mine

2K notes · View notes

sadpanda · 21 days

Text

where are the 7x05 stills

#I need them #desperately #911 abc #buddie #henren

44 notes · View notes

3d-wifey · 5 months

Text

mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski mischa bachinski

would any of you...perhaps...be interested in...perhaps...perchance

#3d wifey talks #3d wifey answers #mischa bachinski #specifically gus halper's version #ride the cyclone #i need him #so bad #desperately #mischa bachinski x reader

145 notes · View notes

tottallynotanalien · 10 months

Text

The new Superwholock

#good omens #what we do in the shadows #our flag means death #superwholock #our omens means shadows #or something #I just want #fanfiction #of these all together #and #fanart #desperately #please #tumblr fandom Gods

159 notes · View notes

made-this-cause-why-not · 1 month

Text

Rant post but like, Jordan Li is such an interesting character. They love Marie, confirmed by Derek and London, but they hardly know her. The entire show spans maybe a month at most, half of which they spent glaring at Marie, refusing to acknowledge their feelings. Because if they acknowledged them, really felt them, then they would be fucked. Truly and completely royally fucked. Because they don't know how to love, not really. They know how they want to be loved, but not how to love someone. And that's terrible for them because for them it is all consuming. They are desperate to be held and reassured at all times, and when they find someone that they think will give them that, they pour their entire heart out, no reservations.

And Marie, Marie is different than their past relationships she loves them entirely and so they give her everything they can. But Marie- she doesn't know what to do with their feelings, she hasn't been loved, felt loved, in years. Jordan is overwhelming, all consuming, everything that she should want and should be able to accept with ease, but she can't, not so soon. Jordan is too much, too fast and Marie is hesitant, wary of giving in, of getting hurt again.

Neither of them are wrong, not really. Just two, children desperate for a feeling that was stolen from them too young. And when they finally get it, get the chance to have the thing they have their hearts have ached over for years, they are inept. Unsure and over confident. Stubborn and uncompromising, fucked over by a cheap cash grab by their parent's when they weren't even old enough to identify shapes in their vision, too young to know what to do to better things.

They are doomed. Doomed. Doomed. Doomed.

#gen v #limoreau #mariejordan #jordan li #marie moreau #they both need therapy #like #desperately #fanfic tease #instead of actually finishing this fic #I made this little synopis to share with y'all #just to hold you over until it is done #Kinda self insert?#I fear I am Jordan and Marie #and that I have another two years of therapy ahead of me before I can actually be in anything healthy #lol #hope yall like this

51 notes · View notes