#i need to draw 1 one pic and then a few more sprites for the prologue to be done

[dreamingisntbad]

As of right now, I speedran DiNB prologue in about 40 minutes. But if you skip through ALL the text and ALL side events, you should be able to finish it in about 30 minutes or less. With that in mind, if you dont rush and take your time to explore, the prologue will take at least an hour to complete.

Also I've spent 10 hours working on the game today,,, help

[the-script-demands-it]

Welcome to...

Rad's enormous pile of abandoned MetaWare WIPs/things that ARE finished but I didn't like them/WIPs that I might come back to/other stuff!

Below the "keep reading" button will be a detailing of all of these images! Please be aware that this WILL be an extremely long post, so... Just a warning. There'll be a second post after this that will also contain the rest of the art that I wasn't able to squeeze in here. (Even 30 pics per Tumblr post isn't enough for this...)

Let's start off with the most recently abandoned WIP!

I started drawing this about two weeks after Chris' birthday (her bday is January 4th) and I was really happy with it, but then I had NO idea how to pose Izzy. It's a bummer since I liked how Chris' hair came out, but alas! (Happy belated birthday, Chris!)

Possibility of finishing?: Yeah, maybe. Prob will have to change Izzy's pose if I really want to finish it though.

Oh hey, I posted this a few months ago on my other blog!

Really wish I finished it, but now that I'm looking back on it, there's definitely some improvement to be had here. I don't like whatever's going on with her face. You can tell that I gave up while trying to make the background as well. Poor Hope!

Possibility of finishing?: I'll have to completely redraw this if I plan on finishing it, but I've definitely got a feeling that I'll come back to this someday.

Hmph!

This one's actually pretty finished, I've just never posted it anywhere before because it's such a small little doodle. I like it though! Nari in a Gir tassel hat is always welcome.

Possibility of finishing?: It's already done. Don't plan on editing it!

(This happens on the rude route!)

It's basically just a proof of concept, and a VERY minimal one at that, but I think it's got some merit! Not enough people talk about that Chris Vs Aspen scene, honestly.

Possibility of finishing?: Sometime this year maybe...??? I don't plan on abandoning this forever, I just don't really know when I'll get around to it.

AUTISM BLAST PT. 1

Hey, remember that art I had pinned on my other blog for a while? I was planning on redrawing it, but I only ever managed to complete one part of it until I forgot about it... It's definitely an upgrade from the original version, though I can do better than this nowadays.

Possibility of finishing?: I'm DEFINITELY going to redraw this someday. I need a new pinned post, damn it!

Thx ^]

Okay, here's some context for these two. I got an anonymous ask on my other account saying that they liked my MetaWare PFP and I thought that it would be a great idea if I responded to it with some art and also turn that same post into an announcement for my MetaWare sideblog (this one!), but that of course did not actually happen.

Possibility of finishing?: NO.

Nari looks so... "off" in this picture.

I like how I drew Hope, but ergh... that is NOT Nari. I don't know how I managed to make her look like a completely different character in this one, but I do NOT like it.

Possibility of finishing?: Nah, I think I'm done with this pic.

Woah, scary!

I actually touched this one up a bit before sending it here. It used to look MUCH more incomplete, but it's basically done now besides from the hair being missing 'n all.

Possibility of finishing?: I might draw more MetaWare stuff with drastic lighting in the future, but I don't plan on revisiting this specifically.

Le miaow miaows.

I worked on Hope before sending this because she looked kinda off, but I think she looks OK now. You can see that this isn't really what my usual art style looks like. I was trying to mix together the original MetaWare sprite art style and the style SparkBag used in the polaroid anniversary art he made, and I think I did just fine.

Possibility of finishing?: It's basically already done! Coloring it would probably make it cooler, but I don't think I'll ever do that.

This won't be the last time I try to use eyes symbolically.

I still REALLY want to revisit this again. It's great! It's magnificent! I just did NOT have the ability to execute it properly back when I made it a ton of months ago, so I just didn't do it. Still don't know if I do now, but it's worth a shot. (This was basically just another proof of concept, by the way.)

Possibility of finishing?: Absolutely! I'll try to get to this sometime soon this year.

GRILLING START ! ! !

Yep, this was based off of Papyrus' "Dating Start!" minigame! Just another proof of concept or... Okay I don't know what else to call these. Like, they're definitely NOT finished nor are they actual fleshed out sketches, what else am I supposed to call them???? I think it's cool though.

Possibility of finishing?: Don't think I'll be ditching this idea anytime soon. Seems kinda simple to draw too, I'll get to it sometime.

Lookin' pretty cute!!

Context for this one: It was gonna be a 3 part comic or something with Hope drawing Nari's bear fursona. Never actually made the comic though, but I DID make her fursona!!! It's the one right below this one, actually.

Possibility of finishing?: Nope.

BEAR NARI BARI LET'S GO

Personally, I think this is adorable. When drawing people's fursonas I always kinda make them more animal than anthropomorphic, but I think it leads to pretty cute art!

Possibility of finishing?: It's already done!

I was just testing out a brush with this one, I think.

It's a cute little doodle, don't have much to say about it though! I WILL say that the bear plushie was a bit inspired by my own plush I have at home, though this one is much smaller than mine.

Possibility of finishing?: Nah, it's just a little doodle.

Ingo Nari... Ingri... Angry!?!

iiii really think I made the hat too big. Like... WAY too big. Don't really like how her face came out, but the body itself is pretty OK. I based it too much on Ingo's original pose though, kinda looks like I just put Nari's head on his head LMAO

Possibility of finishing?: This is basically already finished, though I might draw Nari cosplaying as Ingo again. Why not?

(Bonus Ingri!)

Nari in a hoodie!

Don't exactly remember what this was for. Either it was for an AU of mine or someone else's AU. Her front hair's kinda too far down though, I had a bit of a habit making her face REALLY small compared to her hair in my old art.

Possibility of finishing?: Nay!

Wow, Nari with an eye AND eyebrows! Who woulda thunk it.

Her hair is much puffier than previous versions in this one. Why? Dunno. She looks pretty cool AND cute in this though!

Possibility of finishing?: It's already complete.

My polar bear plush makes a cameo in this one! Say hi!

I had to edit this one a SHIT ton before sending this final picture. I wish I had a pin that said "I HATE DRAWING METAWARE STYLE NOSES" because I loathe them. There were other reasons why I didn't like the original version, but I was annoyed with the nose the most. Really happy how this came out though!

Possibility of finishing?: I just finished it right now. (I'll probably be posting this on its own sometime soon)

Some original characters...!? Unthinkable!

This features Lumi (Metolefrul-indus' fan character) and an old version of Rowan (my fan character)! I changed Rowan's design and personality soon after this, so I don't think this interaction with Lumi and Rowan will actually ever happen... Sorry Lumi! 'Twas just a little doodle.

Possibility of finishing?: NEVER.

Last but not least (for this post, anyway), is this Chris and Izzy sketch!

Some pals requested this during a stream and this was all I managed to make of it... I'm so sorry!!!!!!! They were good prompts!!! I'll finish it one day I swear!!!!

Possibility of finishing?: Soon!

PHEW WE'RE DONE FOR THIS POST. We have 20 more to go in the next one! Might post it next week because this is tiring holy hell. Glad to show these WIPs off to the world though!

P.S. I'm going to skip a few images seen in the huge pic at the beginning! Some were already completed and I'll just post those on their own orrrr I just don't want to review 'em.

[mistyechoes]

so i inserted a character into danganronpa 1 and 2 and i really like her so i wanted to share her on my main. get ready for me to get all professional and shit

also don't mind my shitty art. i cant keep her face consistent and my art style is atrocious but idk how else to show her to u all so

Sumire Hoshi, the Ultimate Actress (1st game design)

She is part of a sort of self-indulgent au (she started off as a reflection of me, as most of my characters do). She's a lesbian, and acts incredibly bubbly so that they dont see her sadness (we'll get into that later). She befriends Byakuya in this (cuz i actually like him while basically no one else does).

Byakuya isn't the only one she befriends though. She becomes friends with Leon, Mondo, Chihiro, Taka, and Sakura. She copies all of their sprites after they die (minus Byakuya, obviously).

Her backstory is: Her past girlfriend was basically a tsundere. Super mean, but they both liked each other. They ended up getting together. But a while into them dating, her girlfriend killed herself. Sumire had no idea why. She had acted just like her normal tsundere self all this time, so why...? She usually was able to sense when people were acting, too... But she remembered that she had told her girlfriend tips on how to act convincingly. So now, she immediately tries to befriend mean people in the same way she befriended her past girlfriend. So that explains why she was so quick to try and help Byakuya.

I was also thinking about how she wouldn't have an alibi for the chapter 5 murder and could also be executed. The game would continue on, but they would eventually fail (for a reason I don't know yet) and get another bad ending.

That's all I can think of for her 1st game appearance for now!

Unfortunately I have literally no clue how to draw her, so I used this as a little guide to how she would look. I basically searched "lesbian fashion" or something and modified one of the pics a little. (she probably wouldn't have the hat actually, but im too lazy to remove it so)

In this game, she shows up after everyone introduces themselves, and perpetually knows all their names (besides imposter, obviously. she had a good laugh at their appearance). She's always missing during free time events, and nearly always seems to carry a backpack. In game, you would never learn what's in her backpack, besides the journal because it was shown in the photo of the party.

Also, a super important thing! She doesn't have a cottage (she was put in too late to program that) and Monokuma gives her handcuffs for the entirety of nighttime, to limit her ability to talk with the future foundation.

Oh and also, she's super pissed at them for making the password 11037.

In all the class trials, she figures out who the culprit is pretty fast, because she has experience with these tricks. She never says anything though, as everyone is similar to the her classmates. In chapter 3, she figures out the culprit super quickly because she can sense Mikan's act. She does actually battle with Hajime, and while she's proven wrong, she's proven right later in the trial (idk what about).

In this AU, Nekomaru dies from the attack and never becomes a robot... which gives you a good idea of what happens next. Though I think I need to work out a few things, cuz they don't line up with the murder. In chapter 4, she notices that her handcuffs are taken off and heads over to the tower. She meets with Gundham, and after briefly petting his hamsters, they fight, and he wins. He does the same thing to Sumire as he did to Nekomaru, and ties her up. She wakes up 30 minutes later, and it goes the same way the original murder went.

She of course is still alive in real life, so after this all happens, she stays with the remnents for a bit. (I didn't watch the anime, so I have no clue what happens).

...and that's basically it. Sorry, I'm so bad at exciting endings.

Extra Stuff! I like to imagine Byakuya and her being great friends and fucking with each other at the future foundation. Like Sumire would constantly kick his door open, so he would too.

Byakuya could also just wordlessly walk into her office and Sumire would know to go out and get rid of Toko/Syo.

I like to think about them playing ace attorney together, idk why lol

Also, she stands with one hand behind her back. She says it's because people will see it as her normally standing if she hid anything behind her back.

I might add more to this idk lol

Sorry if this is too long/boring, she's my favorite OC so far (I haven't made many) so I wanted to share her!

[rockmiyabideusexmachina]

2019 Megaman Valentine’s Day Contest Rules Post

It’s year number 12 of lovey dovey-buku contest art, and I’m back at it again. No secret categories, no surprise themes. These are just the two options you all voted on the most, this time around. Let’s do it!

Two categories, in which you are allowed to submit one entry for each category, if you would like. If you place in one category, you will be automatically disqualified from the other, for reasons of fairness, and to give other people a chance to win a prize.

CATEGORY 1:  The Way To A Mega Man’s Heart Is Through His Stomach (Talent)

Content Requirements:

        * A pinup category focusing on Mega Man characters who are cooking, baking, eating, feeding their partner, lounging on or around supersized pieces of food,  or creatively wearing clothing that appears to be made out of aesthetically appealing food products. Basically, some sort of delectable food must be drawn along with at least one character.

        * As this is the talent category, judging will be based primarily on the overall composition of your piece and your artistic skills. How well can you bring delicious, appetizing food to life, along with your delicious, appetizing character(s)?

Who says robots can’t enjoy food? Certainly not Fully Charged Guts Man. XD

A popular proverb has long held that one can often fall deeper in love due to their partner preparing their favorite food or sharing a romantic meal with one another. There have been many instances of Mega Man characters who would likely operate in a similar fashion, due to their love for their fave dishes. Netto has his insatiable craving for curry, while his papa Yuuichirou’s palms are sweaty, knees weak, arms are heavy, as he holds his fork waiting for mama’s spaghetti. Megaman Volnutt wants his sweets so badly, he’d kick a vending machine to pieces to get them, or bug the lady at Jetlag Bakery for those yummy confectioneries. Kelvin Stelar went a more healthy route and loved carrots as much as his wife’s homemade carrot gratin. And don’t forget the delicious cake waiting for Ashe or Grey in the fridge of Hunter’s Camp 4.

So, your task for this category is to draw the Mega Man character(s) of your choice tempting their Valentine with some delicious food. Some sweets for their sweetie, if you will. But the character you draw can be pretty tempting themselves, to go along with their treats. Create a tastefully seductive combo meal that will leave our mouths watering for more!

Now remember, as much as some of you out there might have first thoughts to draw some melons, bananas and glazed honey buns, this category is not meant to get explicit. No frontal nudity is allowed. So please follow tumblr brand censorship guidelines™ when creating your art, or it will be flagged, hidden from the public and not included in the competition. ;p

CATEGORY 2: Princess Sigmia Returns (Humor)

Content Requirements:

           * A Megaman character who takes the primary form of another, opposite gender Megaman character due to a magical crown/mystery tank/navigator’s headset/biometal/battle chip/etc. This character is looking for love this Valentine’s Day. How they attempt to obtain a date/partner is up to you.

           * As this is the humor category, judging will be based primarily on how funny your piece is. Consideration will also be given to a lesser degree on your creativity in combining your characters into a hybrid, and your overall design for them. But the point of this category is to make us laugh!

Following 2018’s hottest videogame art trend, that of the genderbent transformation of Bowser and crew into Princess Peach-looking alternate forms of themselves, it’s time to continue that spin with more Mega Man characters.

Looking to clean up real nice in the ultimate battle body for a night of love and romance, Princess Sigmia is ready to hit the club/restaurant/park/etc., and this time she’s brought friends.

Your goal for this category is to create the funniest romantic scenario this hybrid character can get into on Valentine’s Day. What made them use this magical, transformative item? What are the reactions of other characters to this newly made up character, who resembles someone they thought they knew? Let your imagination run wild, and draw most hilarious creation you can come up with!

There are no restrictions on what characters you merge, and no, you don’t have to stick with my combination of Sigma and Alia. You can base your transformations off of heroes or villains, minor enemies or main characters. It just has to follow the similar format of gaining the appearance of a familiar character of the opposite gender, while still retaining some characteristics of the original character. So, whether you create Mistress Ashebert, Mega Man VolBonne, Rainbow Cieldevil, Prince Praika, or Crimson Akane, the combinations are all up to you!

PRIZES:

It’s the usual, ‘get-what-you want’ option, for the top 3 artists in each category. As always, if you prefer a cash prize through Paypal, and just need the money, that’s typically the easiest and quickest option to get your reward.

But like normal, I will be flexible and work with the winners to purchase Megaman-related prizes, if there’s something you’ve really had your eye on and would like ordered. Be it a Roll Caskett 4-inch Nel, Fully Charged figures, artbook re-releases, Mastermix issues, or some other trinket. If I can find it within your prize price range and order it to be shipped straight to you, I will do all I can to make it happen!

The winners for both the Talent and Humor categories will receive the following:

          *1st Place: $100 USD or an item(s) up to that value.

          *2nd Place: $50 USD or an item(s) up to that value.

          *3rd Place: $25 USD or an item(s) up to that value.

PARTICIPATION PRIZE RAFFLE:

Since they have gone pretty well in the past, I once again will be offering participation prizes. Some might say a few of these are quite X-cellent prizes, in honor of X’s 25th anniversary this year. In order to be eligible for the participation prizes, all you need to do is enter a pic for either the Talent or Humor Category!

Like previous years, if there is a prize here you are NOT interested in, please note that when you send in your submission(s) to me. Otherwise, you will be automatically entered in the raffle for a chance at each of these items.

If you draw a pic for both the Humor and the Talent Categories, you can double your chances to win! (Odds of course, depending on how many others enter and also draw two pics.) You will be able to add your name into the drawing a second time for just 1 of these prizes.

Raffle Prize #1 – Rockman 8 Anime Cel (with Genga)

Name a more iconic Duo. I’ll wait. This cel of Duo is a tight headshot from the midgame cutscene. After waking up, Duo sees the vial of Evil Energy by Doctor Light’s computer, crushes it, and proceeds to say “HE STILL LIVES!” before screaming in this frame and blasting off through the ceiling of Light Labs.

This is almost quite certainly your last chance to win a Rockman 8 cel from me, so best of luck to all who want to take it home!

Thanks to a generous donation from @silentally, there are also 3 other pairs of raffle prizes (*pictures to be edited in and added soon):

Raffle Prize #2 – Set of Mega Man X Official Complete Works Artbook and a beaded Zero keychain

Raffle Prize #3 – Set of a framed 3D sprite art piece of X’s iconic Vile battle, as Zero comes to the rescue, and a handmade Zero plush

Raffle Prize #4 – Set of Tamashii Buddies Zero figure and a Zero emblem wristband

SUBMISSION GUIDELINES:

When you submit, I would prefer you to include the following information in this format, along with your entry:

•   (Your name/preferred alias) – As much as I usually know who you are, there’s always someone new or somebody who has a different preference from what their email name says.

•   (Category this entry is for) – You can either say 1 or 2, or Talent/Humor

•   (Participation Prize Eligibility) – Just write “All” if you are interested in the chance to win anything. Write: “Exclude from # __” if you do not have interest in winning a particular participation prize.

In the event you are submitting your second entry, please specify which prize # you would like your bonus chance in the raffle to be put towards.

Only submit your own work, as usual. Any character, major or minor, from any series is allowed. Pairing characters from different series is totally allowed. Same-gender pairings are completely fine. OCs are allowed, as long as your art contains at least one canon Megaman character.

As always, participants are allowed to submit from all over the world. It’s easier for me to get prizes to US entrants, because international shipping is complicated and pricey, but I’ll do what I can for you guys who aren’t in the States.

Paypal is still the preferred method for cash prize payouts. Please have a valid account to receive your winnings.

Youngin's, get your parents permission before entering.

Entries do not need to be colored, but it is preferred. The more effort put into things as always, the better chance you have!

Entries can either be e-mailed to me at rock2125[at]hotmail[dot]com, or you can just PM/note me a link to your pic.

DO NOT post your pics in this journal, your dA galleries, Twitter, tumblr blogs, other sites, etc. until the contest is over. This is the fairest way for competitive reasons. I prefer to keep them all secret until the deadline has passed.

I'll edit a confirmed entry list in this thread when I receive them. So you won't be in the dark about whether or not I've received your entry.

DEADLINE:

The deadline for this contest will be Tuesday, February 12th, 2019 by 11:59PM CST. *EXTENDED!* New deadline is Wednesday, February 27th, 2019. This gives you a little more than 5 weeks to finish your entry!

MISCELLANEOUS INFO:

As usual, If you don't plan to enter, but would like to help me judge, please let me know through DM or mention so here. Never hurts to have extra opinions on all the entries.

Bug me with questions if you have any. Please join in, and good luck to everyone who enters!

CONFIRMED ENTRIES:

Cat. 1 (Talent) - @prar-draws, @larytello, @drewblossom, @bracedshark, subzeroiceskater, @irischroma, @papillonthepirate, SockMonkii

Cat. 2 (Humor) - @drewblossom (x2), @bracedshark, subzeroiceskater, 

[tumblunni]

Aaa im so full of poke hype and lovv! <3

I feel like maybe doodling my kid self, for some reason?? Like embrace the nostalg and also show some love to that awkward lil kid who didnt really know who they were yet. Its interesting how much i've changed over the years!

Hell i might even draw personas of myself dressed as all the protags from all the different generations? But they'd be mostly the same for like the first 20 years, just me getting real tall and fat lol. I had almost floor length hair for SO LONG it felt really freeing to chop it all off and i never went back! I think i kept it cos it was loke.. Camoflage? The only 'girly' thing i had so i could pretend to myself that i was straight and cis. Plus a literal shield cos i could be 90% hair and just one eye poking out XD So yeah it'd be funny looking at me over time, its just this girly-looking kid getting increasingly more macho outfits and increasingly more girly hair and increasingly more socially anxious, until within the space of 18-25 i suddenly have this giant self discovery freedom explosion and change completely! Its funny how if anything i look less masculine now? Like im way more comfortable with the fact that i'm someone in between genders, and its not a binary of having to be something i'm not just to escape some other thing i'm not. Its also kinda funny how these gender roles felt so restrictive when i was crammed into one of them, yet dressing with both at once seems just as freeing as having neither. Tho still no matter how i dress i always get misgendered one way or another since non-binary acceptance is still far from the norm. But still im so much more me than i've ever been before, and its great to look back so i can realize how far i've come!

So lol maybe i'll just draw old kid me playing "her" first pokemon game, and leave out the next decade and a half of the same thing but taller. And i could just draw current me in a few different attempts at a pokemon outfit? Like when i did my sprite edits i just did me in my usual outfit i wear IRL, now im thinking maybe i shoulda designed a wish fullfillment ideal gym leader costume or something? Tho im too lazy to start the sprite edit project all over again with this new design lol. Oh and maybe also draw my pokemon go outfit? I dont wear it all the time but i had a fun lil look i wore the other day that i ended up laughing at cos i accidentalky wore all blue even tho i picked Team Valor! Now i wanna wear it all the time lol. Oo and maybe cosplay as my fave characters? If i cant afford to do it IRL i can at least draw it!

So yeh in summary somehow i feel really confident in my identity today and i wanna draw pics of me. Mild ego time!!! Or rather just wishing i could fly back in time and motivate my kid self by showing them that they woukd actually have the freedom to be themself some day. I dont even really think of it as "I used to be a girl" but just that i was always feeling this way and didnt know the words for it, or that other people felt the same way and it wasnt an 'abomination against god'. And for some reason playing a gane with selectable genders really helped me let out some of my feelings during that confused childhood of absolute repression. "I just pick a random gender each time cos it doesnt really matter right? Doesnt everyone just pick the one with the outfit they'd rather wear?" I absolutely knew that was a lame excuse and none of these other kids actually felt that way, but at least it kept people from suspecting i had queer reasons for my queer actions. In a time where i didnt even know what queer meant except that it was Somehow Bad. Gah, this is why sex education needs to be inclusive! Even when i was old enough to learn about straight sex i apparantly wasnt old enough to learn about gay and trans people! Let alone asexuality lol... Man it was a whole nother mess to be dealing with an anomolous lack of sexual attraction at the same time as i was repressing something everyone told me was 'inherantly too dirty for teenagers to know about'. For so long i was just told that crossdressing was 'a sick fetish men have for wearing women's underwear' not just.. A woman is a woman and is telling you she's a woman and you wont listen to her. And for some reason they always obsessed with MTF trans folk in these sensationalist hate sermons, i guess because 'a man who gets off on dressing like a woman' just sounds like the more disgusting version when youre a sexist homophobic transphobic piece of shit throwing your bigotry at children. And at the same time also aphobic and telling me i need surgery on my genitals if i dont want sex. Mannnn kids those days.. i really hope kids these days have it better! I hope everyone who dealt with that shit managed to find love and support eventually, even if its still a damn crime they had it denied to them during their most important childhood years. The whole concept of 'an innocent carefree childhood' is so unknown to me, its ironic people claim they want to keep "lgbt politics" away from children in order to preserve that innocent childhood...

Aaaaanyway im rambling lol! In summary pokemon was one of my only coping methods during that childhood and the only small way i could pretend someone accepted me. Even if it was just by whispering no when the professor said 'are you a boy or a girl' and being happy at the little genderless mons like magnemite or the legendaries. I dont think i would have ever realized it was actually POSSIBLE and had words for the complex dysphoria i was feeling, if i hadnt played this dumb lil series of games.

Anyway thats probably also why i never had any attatchment to gen 1 despite being born right as the first wave of pokemania was coming out. The memories i have of those times are complex. Im just excited to revisit kanto as a new and happy person and maybe make new memories! I already barely remembered actual Yellow compared to FRLG, it was kind of a trip to play it on virtual console and remember all the tiny bits of sexist writing that games used to have during that era. It was like 'whoa i never noticed this was wrong as a kid, this finally explains why it made me uncomfortable!' Also the gameplay was glitchy and the plot nonexistant and the translation rudimentary and limited. And the mons weren't very good and i prefer pretty much every other generation and especially Garbodor and Vanillite, dammit!

Ok im going offtopic again

So yeah like i said im happy that Let's Go has managed to make me hype even thougj i didnt enjoy kanto the first time around! And its good how much it represents my journey out of that shitty childhood so now i can revisit it and pretend this is my first time and None Of That Happened, Thanks

So anyway bunni draws past self. And gets emotional. And rambles for hours in a dumb post.

Ok bye

[kindawriter-blog]

Retrograde - Part 11

(a/n: It’s been forever and a day since I’ve posted so character pics and parts 1-10 are here: https://kindawriter.tumblr.com/Retrograde 

Should I start marking whose POV it is? I’ve tried to make it obvious but I don’t want to be confusing. I didn’t expect to switch so often when I started this. If it helps, *** = setting & probably POV change; --- = setting change but not POV change; and -*- = POV but NOT setting change (a POV change within a scene). This Part starts with Tina’s POV. Feedback always wanted!)

Part 11

I watch Larry leave from my bedroom, digging my nails into the window frame. The paint chips off, lodging under my fingernail and I jerk my hand back. I quickly dig it out with another nail and look out the window again. I watch his back move down the street.

‘He’s not walking toward Marienne’s,’ I think with a sigh. I’m about to turn away when I see him stumble toward the side of the apartment building down the street, leaning against it. After a few moments he steadies himself, pulling his coat tighter and dragging his feet until they fall into step.

 Turning around, I look over my room. It’s a shrine to misplaced hopes and dreams.  A box of fabric overflows in the corner, my desk has stacks of filled sketchpads, and posters for Spirited Away, The Paris Opera Ballet, and poster boards covered in magazine cutouts of Couture gowns cover the entire wall around it. And fragments of Larry’s and my relationship are hidden in enough places that I’m reminded of him when I usually don’t want to be.

 The little white teddy bear he silently handed me one day hiding under the pillows at the foot of my bed. The hoodie in the back of my closet that he thought he lost, but it smelled like him; like ash and honey. So sweet you’d choke on it.

 Larry and I met officially at a party. I knew who he was, because rumors of the “hot pot head” got around. I’d seen him at one other party before, and I noticed his pattern. He was the candyman. He went from person to person, helping them feel good. He would tell girls he loved their smile, and boys that their hand-me-down kicks with sharpie-drawn designs were dope, he’d make sure to find the quiet people in the corners and make jokes until they laughed enough to draw a crowd. Then he’d turn and walk away as his toothy grin faded to the slightest hint at the corners of his mouth. I’d watch his eyes then; I could tell there was something bearing down on him. He looked lost.

 Finally, at the next party, he noticed me. I was quietly sipping a Sprite on the couch because I agreed to help my friend Izzy get home at the end of the night. I had just set it down and taken out my sketchbook when his skinny but surprisingly heavy body dropped onto the cushion next to me.

 He grabbed the back of his letterman jacket and pulled it roughly over his head, knocking off his snapback. The hat landed on my sketchbook and I grabbed it and tapped him on the arm with it. For some reason it took him a second to notice me. I was watching the way his thin arms suddenly made their muscles known as he pulled his arms free of his jacket. I considered trying to draw them but quickly snapped out of that when he took the hat from my hand.

 “Thank you.” He smiled. “What are you doing over here, all alone?” he asked as he attached his hat to his belt loop and ran his hands through his twists.

 “I just don’t feel like dancing tonight.”

 “What do you feel like doing?” he looked like he actually wanted to know.

 I shrugged. “I was thinking about drawing for a bit.”

 “You draw? Can you show me?” he scooted in the seat a bit until he was turned completely toward me, resting his elbow on the back of the couch and his head on his hand.

 “Um. Sure. What do you want me to draw?”

 “A fox.” He grinned, tapping on the paper. “Like... a magic fox.”

 “You’re going to have to help me with this.” I laughed, moving my pencil carefully along the page. I started with the ears and moved carefully down the silhouette, and ended with a wispy tail.

 “You’re really good at this,” he said, “but it doesn’t look very magical yet.”

 “I think that’s the part I need help with.”

 “Yeah, everyone knows magical foxes need a lot of tails.” He grinned, holding his hand up with his fingers fanned out.

 “Well, since you’re the expert...” I held the pencil out to him.

 He had been leaning closer and closer to watch me, but when I offered the pencil he immediately pulled back and shook his head.

 “I don’t draw. I can’t draw.”

 “That just means you need practice.”

 “I can’t, my-I tried. I’m really bad.” He stammered over his words. It was the first time I’d seen him uncomfortable talking with someone. He usually charmed his way through every conversation.

 I couldn’t remember the last time a guy talked to me and I definitely couldn’t remember ever feeling like the most confident one in the conversation. I wasn’t about to let go of that feeling.

 “Here, it’s not that hard, okay? You’re right handed?”

 He nodded.

 I placed the pencil in his hand and put mine over his, guiding us to the page.

 “Now, you just think of how you want it to look and go with it. I’ll try to help it come out how you want it to. It’s ‘magic’ so it can look like anything you want.” I smiled at him and our hands began to move.

 I could tell he was going for graceful designs and I tried to help them happen. I showed him how we could lay the pencil down to use the side of the lead to make broad ribbons. Eventually our picture looked like a fox sitting in a swirling night sky, with several tails curling and waving behind it.

 He looked at our picture for a moment then gave me a guarded smile. Then someone across the room called for him and I didn’t see him again the rest of the night.

  The next week Larry’s shadow fell on me in the courtyard at school. I was sitting against a low brick wall, sketching between bites of cafeteria chicken nuggets.

 “So what are you drawing today?” he asked. I could only squint up at his silhouette, I couldn’t see if he was smiling. Then he dropped to the ground in front of me, and his bright smile almost made me search for my sunglasses.

 I had pulled my knees up to hide my sketchbook out of habit, and I glanced down at it.

“Well… I’m trying to design clothing. Your fox started it. I’m trying to put fairy tales and city life together. I don’t know what to call it.” I relaxed my legs and angled the pad so he could see it. The outfit was a sort of 1950s style deep blue dress, with a crescent moon pattern on the skirt, and sunflowers drooping in the moonlight along the hem. The dress was sleeveless with a deep red faux fox around the collar, made to look like he was curled up sleeping.

 “This is art,” he murmured so softly I almost didn’t hear it. “The colors and the flowers make me think of that painter? The one who went crazy and sent his ear to some girl?”

 He glanced at me and I almost snapped to correct him (he was right about the story but the way he said it bothered me) but he turned back to the page too quickly. His rough finger traced cautiously over my lines. He didn’t smudge it even a little.

 “Van Gogh,” I said, watching as he studied my work. He nodded without looking away from the page.

 “Do you have more?” he asked as he reached to turn the page but he stopped and waited for me to answer.

 “I don’t have a lot more drawings, but I have ideas.”

 I told him about how I wanted to incorporate a shawl that looked like chain link fence into an outfit, and think of a way to use snails and garden snakes. I turned the page to show him a sketch of a girl in a rain coat patterned after a yellow taxi.  

 “You should make an umbrella for her that’s a leaf. You know Totoro?” He glanced away from the drawing to look at me. I felt my smile spring across my face.

 “Yes. Yeah I totally know what you’re talking about.” I nodded enthusiastically and he laughed lightly.

 “Try it,” he said, and gestured at the page. He watched silently as I drew the oversized leaf and began to add drops of rain.

 The sound of rain hitting my bedroom window takes me out of my memory. I look outside; there’s no trace of him on the street. I worry about him. I can’t help it.

 ***

 When Larry walked out the door, Laurent didn’t react how I expected. Mostly because he hasn’t reacted to anything how I’d expect. I thought he’d get quiet, and close off or go to sleep; the way he’s been this whole time. Instead his anxiety follows the form of Larry’s just moments ago.

 He’s pacing, and pulling at his hair and his eyes keep darting around.

 “Mari, we have to go after him. Where would he go?”

 “Lau, we can’t leave, we have to wait for him. I’m not going out alone right now, and neither are you, especially if that guy who threatened you is out there. He just needs to cool off. He’ll be back,” I grab Laurent’s hands from his hair and find his brown eyes with my own, “I promise.”

 -*-

 Looking at Mari I’m trapped between wanting to wrench my hands from hers and letting her hug me. Instead I gently squeeze her hands and let them fall, and turn away to walk into the bathroom.

 My breath comes out in a shudder and I turn on the sink to hide the noise. Steam starts to build up and I rinse my hands. The cut from the glass is healing. There’s so much I wish I could burn away from my skin. The fog shifts over my reflection and for a second I see Larry. But then I blink and I see what Larry has been seeing. I’m too skinny. My hair is wiry and dull, too lifeless to really call it an afro, despite Marienne’s best efforts. I don’t think about the rest of my body. I know what I’ll see there. I know every pattern of every bruise, flowering like poison roses crawling up my skin.

 Shutting off the hot water; I use my uninjured hand to scoop some cool water to my mouth. The motion makes my ribs twinge and I gasp, holding my side and gripping the sink until my knuckles ache. No. I don’t want to think about it. I can’t, I can’t. Fuck. I drop to the floor, and he’s delivering the first of many soul stealing kicks to any exposed part of me. He stops when Warren tells him to. They always do what Warren tells them to. I jolt back to reality with Mari’s knock.

 -*-

 Lau finally comes out of the bathroom and he’s not okay. I was hoping giving him a little bit of space, safely inside, would help him. But it had been like ten minutes when I heard that thud and I had to check on him.

 Now he still looks anxious but he also looks exhausted.

 “Lau,” I start, and he reluctantly makes eye contact, “I promise. I promise he’s coming back.”

 Laurent takes a deep breath and looks toward the windows. Suddenly lightning flashes across the sky and he jumps, “Shit!” he gasps and shuts his eyes tight.

 “Hey, hey, it’s okay. C’mere.” I pull him to the couch and rest his head on my lap, brushing my hand over his hair. “I’m sorry, it’s going to be okay.” But he gently takes my hand in his, and holds it still over his chest.

 “Please; please don’t do that.”

 “Oh, I didn’t even mean to do it, sorry. It’s habit, I thought it would help.”

 “I-It does, it used to,” he sighs, absentmindedly touching my braided bracelet on my wrist, still trapped in his grip, “Marcus used to do that to calm me down.”

 I watch him and he glances at me before quickly looking away. I push away everything telling me to interrogate him, find out who Marcus was and where he’s been. It’s not time. It’s not my place. I settle for not changing the subject, but also not digging deeper.

 “Did it work? Did it help you feel better?”

 “Sometimes. But I don’t… I can’t think about him right now.”

 “Okay.”

 Eventually Lau falls asleep and ends up on the opposite side of the couch. I don’t think he even does it on purpose. He’s so uncomfortable with touch, even in his sleep.

 I wait up for Larry until eleven, but I wasn’t lying to Laurent. I completely believe Larry is fine and he’s coming home. I finally brush my teeth and climb into my bed at eleven-thirty. By twelve-thirty I hear the front door open and shut. After some shuffling through the apartment I feel the bed dip behind me. His arm wraps around me so tight it’s hard to turn to face him. When I turn over he hugs me tighter and hides his face in the pillow.

 He’s in a dry t-shirt and shorts, but his twists are cold and damp. I run my hand over his hair. I smell the air between us out of habit, but I get nothing. “Did you drink?” I whisper. He shakes his head, still not looking at me. My hand moves to his cheek. “But you wanted to.” He nods barely and his shoulders start to shake. I hold him tighter and let him fall apart, cradling his head to my chest.

 I’m glad my comforting instincts can help someone. I have no idea what I’m doing anymore.