#i need to rewatch satc again

[strawberrykidneystone]

garrus showing up to shepard’s room before the omega 4 relay

[celinecooperjones]

WIP Title Game

rules: post the names of all the files in your WIP folder, regardless of how non-descriptive or ridiculous. send me an ask with the title that most intrigues you and i’ll post a little snippet of it or tell you something about it!

tagged by @northern-serpent

tagging @deargrilledcheesusyouredelicious & @halcooper (I apologize if either of you have done this already.)

I don’t think I have too, too many WIP’s but we shall see.

In order of most recently modified:

Illicit Affairs- AU mini fic, in which FP and Alice have never met before and he starts working at the same law firm as her. She hates him at first but soon realizes, maybe he’s not all that bad.

Two Pink Lines- the current fic im working on, only two chapters left in it. Set in season 3 but, (for the most-part), not canon compliant, Alice and FP have started up an secret relationship, and Alice accidentally gets pregnant. FP winds up in jail because he was framed for a crime he didn’t commit... or did he?

How To Lose A Guy In 10 Days- based off the movie, I was on a major roll with it but I just need to rewatch the movie to remember all the sabotages they do and I just don’t want to right now lol.

Chaperones- a oneshot taking place in my Northside Diaries series where Alice and FP are chaperones on Betty and Jughead’s school trip, all the while they’re secretly having an affair.

Don’t have a title for this one yet- I think it’s going to be a non-fanfiction story (shocking, I know), but I also could make it Falice? I don’t know I kinda wanna explore doing some original work, because I used to love doing that. Anyway, premise is, single mom, two young kids (I’m thinking daughters?), her daughters call the fire department because they got their kite stuck in a tree. And some sparks fly (ha, get it?) when the mom and the firefighter who answered the call, meet. But is she ready to date again?

How To Save a Life- I have absolutely nothing written for this, but it’s going to be based off the Denny & Izzy storyline from season 2 of Greys Anatomy.

Safe Haven- based off the movie. I had this idea of doing a series called “Falice Film Festival”, where I took famous movies and popped Falice into the starring roles, which is why there are so many movie inspired fics on this list.

Speaking of fics inspired by movies, I also had a “The Vow” esque Oneshot, and a “Dirty Dancing” au. The latter of which has nothing but the first one has a quote.

You and Me- All the times FP and Alice hooked up through the years. (It’s softer than it sounds lol.)

Rivermom’s Sex and The City- I don’t know what I have planned for this and I don’t know if I’ll write it but it just came to me when bringing SATC, and I thought it would be fun to see the Riverdale mom’s in that show. (And by the way here’s how I see them: Alice- Samantha, Mary- Miranda, Hermione- Carrie, Sierra- Charlotte.)

Here You Come Again (Again)- this isn’t what it will be called, I just don’t have another idea for a title yet. But it’s a sequel to my oneshot Here You Come Again, which accounts the events leading up to season 1 in my own personal canon. This one would focus on the events of season 1 (and possibly 2), and what happened in the scenes we didn’t see, like Alice dealing with the news of FP getting arrested, the Chic situation, and ya da ya da.

Baby Blue- Oh I have such a soft spot for this one I’m just completely stumped with it and haven’t touched it since March. It focuses on Alice’s life up until season 1 (y’all seeing a theme here?), and shows all the things that have lead up to her being the cold, closed off woman we met in season 1.

Parentdale- a script I’m writing because I want a Parentdale spin-off.

Curtain Call- famous Falice au fic! FP is a famous singer and runs into Alice at a cafe. She’s a songwriter and an up-and-coming musician, and the two of them embark on tour together.

Just Friends- Teen Falice fic that I think will be posted after I finish Illicit Affairs (mentioned above). Honestly just wanted another excuse to write a Fred and Alice friendship and I got a fun little idea for a fic, so stay tuned for that!

Who’s The Boss- based off the tv show Who’s The Boss, because I just thought it would be kinda fun. Might be a fic, might just be a long Oneshot, haven’t decided. I wrote the idea down last October though lol.

Jurassic Park 3 Inspired- I completely forgot I wrote this down and I genuinely do not think I will write it haha. It would of taken the general plot from Jurassic Park 3 (separated couple’s son goes missing, said couple goes to find him, fall back in love along the way), just minus the dinosaurs.

Bury The Evidence- I also forgot I wrote this idea down, but it’s a fun one. Falice have never met before, FP has just joined the Serpents and heads to the Wyrm to pick up his Serpent jacket. He runs into Alice, the girlfriend of the gang’s leader and hears strange noises coming from the office she was just in. When he walks in, he finds her standing over the gang leader’s body. And well... they’ve gotta bury the evidence.

Home- this one is one I’m just not sure about posting? FP moves to Riverdale after being discharged from the military. He instantly falls for his pretty blonde neighbour, but he suffers from PTSD and doesn’t want to let her into his life in fear of hurting her. Heavily inspired by the Owen and Cristina storyline in Greys Anatomy, but you know, not as toxic.

How It Began- A teen Parentdale fic I started years ago and have left untouched. I’ve gotten lots of comments wanting me to update but I just don’t like where I’ve taken the story so I think updating would entail a rewrite of the last chunk of chapters. Maybe some day though.

Ok so I definitely had more than I thought. Someone kick my butt and tell me to finish these because I forgot about most of them.

[zalrb]

Sorry if this comes off as a rant (again) but there is literally nothing to watch. I like Succession and Barry, but this is their finale season now, so when they finish airing... what's there to watch? Yellowjackets? But there are like 3 episodes left to watch for the current season, so the next season won't come out like a year later, probably. And while I do enjoy some hatewatch (like Riverdale or Bridgerton too if we are being honest), i do not just want to 'hatewatch' or watch 'guilty pleasure' shows. I also need some quality content to keep me going. For a while, it was Succession and then Barry, but as i said, theyre airing their finale seasons now... so what's there to stick to in terms of quality shows. I just feel so empty honestly

Oh yeah that's why I've watched, like, The Sopranos 100 times, just did a Mad Men rewatch, did a The Wire rewatch before that. Or rewatch Superstore, Community. I was contemplating rewatching Gilmore Girls for like a quasi-intelligent hate watch but even though I rewatched it like three years ago, it still feels fresh so I'm actually going to rewatch SATC.

[sexandthecityandme-blog]

Episode One - Sex and the City (Pilot)

Once upon a time, a 25-year-old girl from Southern California found herself single, phoneless, and shopping for half-off lace bras on a Friday night. 

That girl...was me. Hey there!

Sure, I’d usually try to plan to be somewhere cooler on a Friday night, and yeah, I’d love to be dating someone, but the reality is that none of this was exceptionally out of the ordinary...except the part about me being phoneless—that was odd. 

Odd because: A.) It’s 2017. No one is phoneless. B.) I’m obsessed with my phone. There’s a lot happening on Twitter these days! C.) I don’t even have a good story about how I lost my phone. I just LOST it on a perfectly normal day. It might’ve fallen out of my lap when I got out of the car, it might’ve fallen out of my bag while I was at the beach...it was misplaced in a spectacularly boring fashion. 

Either way, I’d purposely put off getting a new one and left myself in a phoneless state for four days, telling most people it was “on the fritz,” because just being phoneless? That’s odd. And in going off the grid, I’d gone slightly off the rails. In the past four days, I’d

bought a set of tarot cards created by a woman named, I shit you not, the White Witch of L.A.

listened to a LOT of Crystal Castles

masturbated 3 times

worn a silk robe to work (over a tank top)

Hurricane Harvey had just past, Hurricane Jose was barreling down, Hurricane Irma was here. “TIME IS RUNNING OUT” the homepage of Weather.com was screaming at Floridians. The Northwest was on fire. Bangladesh was underwater. Oh! Trump was, and still is, presi[gag]dent. 

And I’m wearing silk robes and shopping for lace bras. Masturbatory! In every sense of the word.

To make matters worse, somewhere between the rack of Heidi Klum-brand bras and the rack of Wonderbras, I had the AUDACITY to think to myself, “What bra size am I, really? And which Sex and the City character would I be right now?”

…And then I quickly and devastatingly realized I was none of them. Charlotte would never be irresponsible enough to lose her phone, Carrie would shop at La Perla, and Miranda…OK, it actually seemed like kind of a Miranda thing to do. Maybe I was a Miranda? 

Anyways, Samantha wouldn’t touch any of it with a ten-foot pole, which depressed the hell out of me. In my younger days (and by that, I mean as a 14-year-old watching heavily edited versions of SATC on TBS), I’d wanted to be a Samantha. I didn’t totally understand her whole vibe (because again, heavily edited episodes), but I knew that she was *sassy* and didn’t seem to take any shit.

After that, 20-year-old me decided I wanted to be Carrie: I ran my school’s weekly sex column (despite having only had sex with a whopping total of six men), started casually smoking cigarettes, and dreamed of moving to New York. 

None of that really played out.

But if we were doing a ~five-year check-in....14-year-old me wanted to be a Samantha, and 20-year-old me wanted to be Carrie—what did 25-year-old me want? And really, wasn’t this a deeply stupid question?? And, really, how could I know the answer to this stupid question when I’d only seen the terrible movies and maybe 15 episodes, tops???

Anyways, I decided that in my current single state, the best thing to do would be to rewatch the whole series, see if any of it held up, and pray my life got interesting enough to do some Carrie Bradshaw-style musing on the side. 

A few weeks ago, a fellow writer told me she’d interviewed a Pulitzer Prize-winning journalist, who’d told her that her biggest regret in life was not journaling more. This was a woman who’d made a career of entering war zones, pining about forgetting to fucking journal. 

Naturally, me and my writer friend decided this would be the year that we’d make an effort to keep track of our lives. And this is is how I’m going to do it.

There are 94 episodes of Sex and the City; I’ll try to watch about two episodes per week and keep up this project for the next year or so...or however long it takes! And I’ll probably watch those terrible movies, because like any girl, I FUCKING LOVE that scene where Carrie tries on all the wedding dresses.

Yes, New York, it was finally time for me to tackle the age-old question: 

Could an old Clinton/Bush-era show keep up with new tricks? Could a self-proclaimed 2017 Feminist worried about falling wages and that fucker Mike Pence taking away her reproductive rights lose herself in a frivolous show about sex and fashion???!

Or something like that. I live in Orange County, what do I know. OH, and I haven’t had sex in over a year.

Sooooooo..yeah! Now I’m sitting in bed in one of my cheap new lacy bras, queuing up SATC while eating a pumpkin scone and drinking a Ballast Point Mango Even Keel like a reeeeeal basic bitch. 

But just for the record, since no one’s around to confirm or deny: this lacy half-priced bra is doing fucking WONDERS for my boobs.

Let’s. Begin.

Episode One - Sex and the City (Pilot)

OK, I didn’t think I’d need you guys to watch along with me, but guys: I know all of y’all locked down someone’s ex-boyfriend’s mom’s HBOGO password to watch Game of Thrones, so PLEASE go watch this ep so you can understand what I’m about to say:

This series, one of the most iconic of ALL TIME, opens with “Once upon a time...” and then a TERRIBLE story about some girl from London getting stood up by a man in New York. 

AND the worst part is that this girl? CLEARLY? has an AUStRALIAN accent??!> 

Our OG British heroine Elizabeth (WHO WE NEVER SEE AGAIN) pronounces this, “Oy don’t unduhsteeeend.” I AM SHOOK. BRITISH MY ARSE.

IMPORTANT!!! THIS is how we’re introduced to Carrie Bradshaw:

I can’t believe I didn’t buy cigarettes for this!

And after dramatically stamping out her cig, she launches into this gem: 

“The end of love in Manhattan. Welcome to the Age of Uninnocence. No one has breakfast at Tiffany’s, and no one has affairs to remember...Cupid has flown the co-op. (then, directly to camera) How the hell did we get into this mess???”

That....is not great. But! I FORGOT SHE BREAKS THE FOURTH WALL AND TALKS TO CAMERA IN S1. Frank Underwood, get fucked—what you’re doing ain’t new, ya toxic white male.

Young Me didn’t know about Shine Theory and T Swift fake feminism, and I unabashedly hated Charlotte. 2017 Me is much more woke but...it is still very difficult for me to...support Charlotte. 

Her opening line is, “Men are threatened by successful women. If you want to get these guys, you have to keep your mouth shut, and play the rules.” 

I know that she’s probably technically right, but also... I HAVE NEVER DISAGREED WITH ANYTHING MORE IN MY ENTIRE LIFE.

(Also: Charlotte YORK?! Y’all gonna write a series about NEW YORK CITY and name a main character York. C’mon Candace Bushnell, boo, you’re better than that, right?)

“What women really want is Alec Baldwin!” a very unimpressive white male specimen just squawked at the camera for no reason. 

The first time we meet Samantha, she advocates having sex like a man: sex with no strings—or feelings—attached.

14-year-old me was like, “HELL YEAH GIRL THAT’S WHAT I’M TALKIN’ ABOUT. ALSO WHAT’S SEX LIKE.” 

Aaaaaand 25-year-old me doesn’t feel much differently.

“The right guy is an illusion—start living your life!” —Samantha Jones

So Carrie does it! And she does it in the most delightful way! She lets an ex eat her out, and when he pokes his stupid head up out of the sheets to groan, “My turn,” she *kisses him on the forehead* and leaves. *Chef’s kiss!*

She leaves feeling “powerful, potent, and incredibly alive”...

...and then, because women can never win, and must always be punished for our actions in one way or another, she drops the contents of her purse on the ground, and is humiliated when a hot stranger (BIG) picks up a roll of condoms and hands them to her. Fuck that blushing; good on ‘ya for being prepared, Carrie.

Me one second: You know, I don’t think being a Miranda is terrible! All men ARE assholes!!

Me one second later: Oh Jesus Christ, Miranda is harsh as hell

Later in the episode, Carrie realizes that somehow men like it even more when we decide to have sex without feelings...and suddenly, men win, again. 

“Did all men want their women promiscuous and unattached? Why didn’t I feel more in control?” 

This is the part I must’ve missed. In my years of idolizing the Samanthas, the Rozs, the Elaines, telling my college-self that sex without feelings was the way to go, that dating a lot of men would be adventurous and FUN™, this is the part I could never get a hold of: when you’ve convinced yourself that you’re strong enough to detach from everything, sometimes you really are strong enough to do it! But sometimes, you’re lying.

Well, after that hard-hitter, time to escape back into the show, and—OH NO. Big just got introduced as the “NEXT DONALD TRUMP except younger and much better looking.” Welp, now I’ll never be able to root for him again.

The Donald Trump thing does not completely step on the catharsis of watching this episode, though. That catharsis comes from the relentless tearing down of 90% of mediocre white men we encounter throughout the pilot. 

After Charlotte turns down sex with this guy (whose name is CAPOTE DUNCAN because of course it is lord help us), he gets into her cab, gives the cabbie the address of a club, and says:  

No one’s actually this terrible IRL, but I LOVE that if we’re gonna make someone overtly horrid to signal to the audience that they are the WORST type of human, it’s the Eric-Trump-lookin’ ass white dude named CAPOTE.

“And so, another Friday night in Manhattan crept towards dawn...”

And as Big creeps up to Carrie in his town car and (?!) instructs his driver to honk at her on the street at 3 a.m. (?!), it *dawns* on me: 

FUCK, he really does remind me of Donald Trump!

Here are the words he says to Carrie during their first real conversation:

“Get in, for chrissakes.”

“You mean like a hooker?”

“You’re not like that.”

“You’ve never been in love.”

He condescends and embarrasses the hell out of her...and she’s smitten.

And I get it. 

I mean, I absolutely get it on a personal level, as a girl who’s been “He’s Just Not That Into You” levels of attracted to someone whose teasing I took to be flirting. More than once.

But also...leaning into the Donald Trump comparison a little hard here, on a larger level... That’s how Tr*** succeeded, right? By tearing us down again and again, making us feel bad about ourselves, just like every shitty man ever, just so he could position himself as someone who could come in and help us (the “us” here is a general “us”; I certainly didn’t buy that shit). 

He fucking NEGGED us, and so did Big. And it worked for both of them. 

Big is the only rich white man in this episode who isn’t relentlessly dunked on, even though he seems to be just as terrible as Byron Fingerbottom or whatever that last guy’s name was. My official position on this as of episode one? FUCK BIG. And FUCK all rich white men. And also, DON’T fuck rich white men, EVER.

By god, watching this series actually might be harder than I thought.

Finally, I need you guys to know that they hold this shot

FOR FOUR WHOLE FUCKING SECONDS 

and then the episode fades out!!!!!! WHAT. HOW DID THIS PILOT EVER GET PICKED UP.

Episode 1 Wrap-up

Best line: “Abso-fuckin-lutely.” —Big, whom I detest at this moment

Best look: The fashion in the pilot is disappointing as hell! Everyone wears plain black dresses all episode. There is ONE mention of Manolo Blahnik, and it’s not even in reference to a pair of shoes Carrie owns/is currently buying. The most exciting things that happen outfit-wise are the above peek of leopard, Miranda’s ridiculous commitment to huge white collars peeking out of everything...and this ephemeral ray of light:

Carrie, hair thrown up, in something that looks like a men’s pajama shirt, eating a carton of chocolate ice cream. 

As I sit here putting the finishing touches on this blog, also wearing blue men’s pajamas (v cheap and v much from Primark) and hand jewelry, inexplicably, with my hair thrown up, eating a bowl of Cocoa Krispies (I just started my period k) in a bougie apartment that I’m paying WAY too much for, I couldn’t help but wonder....

Was I actually already more of a Carrie than I’d thought?

Perhaps, there was hope for me yet.

Eh. Perhaps not.