#i owe so much many to so many things
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i am so tired of being an adult and being a human
#i have to fix my vaccum in order to clean my space bc it stopped working#my cats keep throwing up on my carpet#my roommate's stopped telling me when my bitch exfriend(who she is still friends with) comes over despite her saying she would#i owe so much many to so many things#i'm so tired
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do u know cass personally? or is this a tumblr friendship? cuz its the most wholesome thing ive seen in my life
I don't even know their real name ~ But if I will be told that I have an extra liver, I will know at the exact same second to whom give it.
#without jokes#I owe her so much#I'm pretty sure she doesn't understand how much#It was first days of college when I found this place#and I was having attacks of hatred towards this place due to the fact that it takes up all the time#and in the end I do not get anything useful from it.#I didn't even have powers on drawing something#I didn't know what to draw#head empty#and everything felt so... flat?#and BOOM#what do you mean it is the style that I love the most#what do you mean the main attention to the emotions#what do you mean it's a chaos#what do you mean I love this thing already#what do you mean the author of this story is so wonderful and funny and cool and so many adjectives#WHAT DO YOU MEAN SHE MAKES KIND OF ANIMATICS THAT I LOVE THE MOST#*puts paws together*#I love animatics and I finally found a passion#I survived last year only because of her#honestly#I don't know what and how happened#but I don't want to change anything#I am so much grateful I don't know what else I can give to her I have nothing
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Proud to say I’m at a place where I’m very ambitious w my goals, but still very content w where I currently am. No matter my financial or academic or just any personal aspirations at all, I’m so in love w my life as it is and realize that it will be no objectively better when I do attain all the tangible things I want to attain. Legitimately so happy to just be here, surrounded by love and books and privileged to be studying and gaining knowledge. At the end of the day this really is all that matters to me. And this is a feeling no amount of money can buy
#I’ve always had a very healthy balance of ambition and contentment I think#I’ve only ever been competitive when it comes to academia bc that’s just hard wired into me#I’ve never felt much about somebody else owning more material things or having more opportunities than me#i do understand why some people feel that way but I’m also happy to be working hard for what I have#while also having a very solid family unit / being privileged enough to go after hobbies / living comfortably#and most importantly — having a strong home base to go back to if things go wrong#i owe my mom SO many things ok sorry I’m done. i just love her sm and am so grateful#p
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Actually, no, I disagree. Astarion has his reasons for many things he thinks and disapproves of, but some of them are just ... He doesn't like it when people are nice. He actively likes cruelty. Those are both true.
And yeah, you get why. He's well-written and his motivations are understandable! You can have a lot of very long and sad meta posts about how he thinks cruelty is natural and kindness is fake, but that doesn't remove his joy at cruelty and his distaste for kindness. Those things are still true. He can get better, yes. He does get better if you encourage him to. But he starts out as an absolute jackass.
Stop woobifying him fr. He's a piece of shit, even if he's a well-written one. Just because you understand him doesn't mean he's right or somehow the only sane person in the group. Cruelty is not intelligence, kindness is not a weakness. xoxo <3
#bg3#like hiraeth understands and respects his need for having his own opinions and his right to be heard and listened to#doesn't mean he's correct somehow or that he's owed obedience or even consideration#like if you suggest killing gnomes for shits and giggles that's like on you bud#that's racism i don't think cazador taught you that<3#astarion#baldur's gate 3#like yes he is very damaged and a lot of his attitude comes from that!!! very much so!!#but many of the other companions are deeply damaged as well but they still have it in them to be kind#so i don't think we need to excuse everything unsavory he does with trauma and remove all his agency in perpetuating the cycle#that's what leads you to ascendant astarion#like some of those things are choices my dude
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Need asoiaf fans to be disabused from the notion that anyone “deserves” the Iron Throne. Not a single person deserves it, doesn’t matter how good they are. And I’d take it a step further and say that no one deserves to be king or queen or lord. We shouldn’t be equating kingship/queenship with a happy ending. This series does so much to criticize this awful system so it’s particularly jarring that people will go “I want my fave to get their happy ending and sit on the iron throne”. That’s…kind of antithetical to what the series has shown us so far I think.
#asoiaf#valyrianscrolls#people if there’s one thing you ought to take away from reading this series#it’s fEuDaLiSm bAd#that’s like super consistent across the entire system#it sounds reductive but like grrm has spent a lot of time showing us just how rotten this all is#the iron throne is pretty much a physical representation of this rotten system#and I also see people being like ~I want my fave to be the hero because that’s what they deserve and that’s a happy ending~#as if grrm isn’t taking his sweet time deconstructing what it means and costs to be a hero#spoiler alert: it costs a lot!!!#being a hero isn’t going to be a walk in the park guys#my hot take is that part of the reason why people don’t like bran as king of the 7k is because they had thought the IT going to their#fav was the happy ending#so that’s why we get a lot of ~what’s bran’s tax policy~#not to say that everyone asking that is asking it in bad faith#but so many people in this fandom think that certain roles are owed to their faves#gonna prepare a truck load of popcorn for when ADoS comes out because oooo the drama#btw this is not directed toward a particular fandom - because like half of the people who read this books think like that
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the journey of gordon juniperus gresley (and still ongoing)
#thomas the tank engine#thomas and friends#ttte gordon#senjart#casa tidmouth#casa tidmouth act 2#my everything. godddd I love him so so much#he's like. objectively the best character in the whole series#also I think he and scott were really close as kids#esp. with only one year age difference and how scott continuously supported him despite their family's situation#(imo their rivalry in tgr was one sided from gordon's part. scott's just balling while gordon still wants to overpass him)#like ok. I know this is a post about gordon but I think scott needs some appreciation with how he prioritizes his brother over himself#bro's probably emotionally devastated too with losing his siblings and father. but he still has his little brother#gordon probably felt like he owes scott a lot. but he's bad at words (ALL gresleys are) and he has his own set of problems SOOOOOO#and gordon. even though he lost so many people in his life he still keeps on going. he never gives up because-#-despite how much he complaints and boasts about himself he firmly believes that things will eventually turn out okay for him#aggresive optimist. something like that? you get what I'm trying to say#like a coworker would say ''this is hopeless'' and gordon would just say ''you're being ridiculous''#anyways enough of me talking. I wanna draw scott's and gordon's railway show designs BUT WHEN? LET'S SEE#(crying at little gordon. it shows from his eyes that he has no idea what's about to happen to him)
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🗡 mad cowboy disease....
#‡ ooc#high noon tbt.#thinking of Them while walking to the shops... on my own little quest...#there may be typos but ignore them#listened through mars hn yone playlist i loved watching the 2 hr movie in my head#listening through my hn playlost now maybe ill make tals a spotofy thing too for easier listening....#got so many little scenes in my head#talon munching any lil bug/lizard critter they catch. whether they actually Need to eat is unspecified#but you know. probably. anyway thinking evilly at how i can describe their meals as either tantalising or DISGusting#talon being afraid of ending up an almalgam of feathers and sludge but ove talked abt that before#need to write more talon monologues or story times#reminiscing now. will add more later#talon trying their best to get through a Normal Human interaction on a bar or smth tryong to hide what they are and keep their hat low but-#and theres always a but- someone either catches a glimpse of theor face n compliments them or gets in theor way like 'hey-' or they catch#a glance at feathers or brimstone....#talon getting chased to be put in one of those carnie 'strange encounters' shows... they either do get caught or...#get rid of their would-be captors#time for more thoughts. i need to design talons demonic form and maybe even what their gradual corruption looked like 🤔#i also need to decide on a few factors abt how im treating their cape as tendrils instead... like if they naturally had 5 or lost one...#and how much control over individual segments they have#thinkin abt talon getting in trouble but not like. threat of death danger maybe a malevolent third party who wants them for something else#be it their blood or feathers or smth like that. maybe even after REDACTED and they get a bounty set by the sulfur king for REDACTED reason#to be brought back alive and hunters go after em......#oh. who can a demon slash half angel turn to in these trying times... 🥺😔 not that they want to rely on anyone#talon would rather die than rely on another creature for help. im kidding. :] or am i#thinking abt the thing i said to mars like. after their travels together talon tries to keep their distance from rell and yone but.#fate or something worse keeps bringing them back together. i said it better beforehand but anyway.#if its during this time of being hunted and they cross ways i can imagine talon not staying long at all or just turning 180 at the sight#part the fear the other two will join this hunt as well. the other part is that theyll be in danger if talon asks for help...#nor do they want to owe a debt to these two ough 😒
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the amount of effort that goes into figuring out what to cook and eat every day is RIDICULOUS. i used to think people were so weird and boring for eating the same thing every single day but it truly does make life so much easier
#and also it's nice to know exactly what your food is going to taste like before you eat it#like when i get unfamiliar takeout. half the time i'm like. oh.#i'm going to have to eat all of this. or be judged.#so i just do my best to suppress my gag reflex and Get Through It and then it makes me sick so what was even the point#i think my parents spoiled me. and the most annoying thing is they're significantly better at cooking now than when i was a child#so when i go over i eat three delicious home cooked meals + snacks and they're all different and amazingggg#and then i come back to texas and i am like. googling 'how to feed myself healthy vegetarian'#because I do NOT have the time or money or energy to cook three beautiful delicious meals Just For Me#i think this would be easier with a partner#this whole week i bought a fuckton of mediterranean groceries and i have been making and eating food!!#mediterranean is close enough to indian that i like it well enough#unfortunately for me. i am def going to have to learn how to cook indian food to get through life. because i cannot fucking eat american#i don't know HOW you guys do it i'm so spoiled#i'm assuming meat is this really amazing wonderful thing that just adds flavor to everything#(it is physically repulsive to me and the couple times ive accidentally tasted it it's bleh so i refuse to partake)#i think it's an acquired taste but it magically makes ur food better. that is my understanding of how meat works#cause american vegetarian food is the saddest fucking thing i've ever tasted#i still think about my coworker i was talking to about my food issues and he was like. 'do u understand that you have been given a gift#by having constant access to tasty food your entire life. i ate unseasoned green beans every day of my childhood. learn how to fucking cook#indian food already.' truly a horrific thing to hear. but i'm calling my parents more and going HOW TO COOK VEGETABLE? BEAN? PLEASE HELP??#and by god i am not going to turn into my coworker.#anyways we start with baby steps. lentils and rice it is next week .-. going to the indian store to buy pickles to make it more tolerable#and i have my cabinet full of spices already at least#i wish i was less pickyyy#sometimes lalita cooks indian food for me and i'm like wow. i love and appreciate u for feeding me. but this sure is south indian food#i don't understand How they use spices. it feels like they toss as much of as many bottles as they can into every dish#and it's. the taste is just OW OW OW and nothing else. where's the nuance. the flavor.#and i like it when things are spicy!! i can even eat things where the flavor is just Hot. but not when she cooks it.#she will like watch my face when i take a bite and then go 'if you don't like it i'm throwing away all my pots and running away'#which. honestly a fair reaction. the problem is that i am incapable of lying
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Reading a very frustrating celebrity x regular person romance novel, and I'm impressed all over again how deftly both To My Stars handled the same subject.
#frustrating because it feels like it could be good if only it was better#like there are many things about it that I like but the actual romance is pretty flat#and the celebrity is... not exactly two dimensional but... out of focus#and the regular person has a similar crisis to Ji Woo but Ji Woo's worked SO much better#to my star#gillianthecat reads books#it's 'the comeback' by lily chu for anyone curious#anyway for some reason i'm legitimately pissed that the book isn't better than it is. which is a silly reaction.#the book doesn't owe me anything. i didn't even pay for it.
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one piece is crazy fr like what do you mean you’re following up Everyone’s Dead™️ with Objectifying Women: The Arc™️
#bruh :/#im bout to vent cause im mad about it rn sorry#op fans there are many good elements to your series outside of this and i love u sorry im about to talk shit about it#pls abandon ship now and stop reading my tags to avoid if you want#anyway#once i put a certain amount of time into something i usually commit to finishing it#but this arc is like 👌 this close to making me abandon the whole series like wtf is this#i know i KNOW sexist shit is like practically unavoidable in anime but this is a LOT jesus christ#i want to punch a WALL#like wtf do you think women ARE#i want to attack and kill#everyone who has ever told me that naruto is worse than one piece about women owes me 500 dollars rn#like it’s BAD and i would have been mad about this either way#but i think im extra salty because ive had SO many people praise one piece women at me#and i was like doubtful cause ya know LOOK at them#but i LISTENED because everyone was so insistent the women are good and it’s not bad with that kinda thing#which was a BETRAYAL because seriously wtf is this😤#ughhhhh i CANT watch this HOW am i supposed to watch this#why do i have to watch the creepy island of women cluelessly mess with unconscious mans dick trope i canttttttttt#the answer is i DONT have to watch it and i want to STOP#how are yall watching this i still havent even forgiven thriller barks invisible man nami bath scene#like yall i canttttttttt#my ‘fiction that treats women like shit’ tolerance is too low for this#ughhh really at a loss here because so much time already committed and i was enjoying it aside from this#but i really CANNOT keep watching if the bar gets any lower and idk if it even CAN get lower#sorry sorry okay vent over this just#REALLY pissed me off#cause it kinda blindsided me i think
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“I know that Elvis put his heart into helping others. He hated to see anyone suffer. It was one of the reasons I loved him. Even if it was sometimes ridiculous, when you looked into his eyes as he preached or healed, all you saw was a sincere desire to help. Only those close to Elvis knew that part of him”
(excerpt from Good Rockin’ tonight by Joe Esposito)
what always hits me about Elvis is just how much he cared and how pure his heart was. I don’t think anyone who was ever friends with Elvis or was loved by Elvis experienced something like it again after he passed away. he was just a once in a life time kind of person…
#it hits me randomly how special he was#I’m just glad to have been born in a timeline where his presence is still so strong#I’m so thankful Elvis ever existed 😭#this sounds corny but I truly owe him so much#he has taught me many things and given me so much happiness#just my comfort person honestly#elvis presley#elvisaaronpresley#elvis#i love him#elvis book excerpts
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I just finished watching Hannibal for the first time and I’m having emotions (I’m not okay, help)
Will had such a chill life after everything that had happened to him. A nice life, a simple one, some might say. Then Hannibal came back into it, all went to shit... or did it?
Will could have chosen not to get involved with the FBI again. He could have chosen not to get in the car with Hannibal in the end. But he went with him. He chose him over the simplicity he might have had a chance to go back to in some way.
But in truth, he didn't have much of a choice. He went with him because he needed to. Because he was too deep in the whole thing again. Because the Dragon was still free and alive. Because Hannibal would have gotten away and Will would not have had peace in his life either way. Because the side of him that needed Hannibal was awake again. Because they understood each other in a way that nobody did before they met.
"When life becomes maddeningly polite, think about me", Hannibal had said. He coaxed that part back out of Will that Will had tried to bury over the years.
Will's whispered "it's beautiful" about the life he and Hannibal could have had. Seeing beauty in what he had tried to ignore but in some way still wanted.
This was not about winning each other over anymore, or helping each other become a "better version" of themselves; each with their own perception of what better means. This was acceptance of the impossibility to cut each other out. There was acceptance and relief in their hug in the end, the way they clung to each other. There was Will's final acceptance of it all, of himself, in the fall. They fell for each other in whichever way that might have been. They fell with each other because it was the only way left to be together at this point.
#hannibal#hannibal s3#hannibal s3e13#hannigram#yes I knew about the ending before I saw it but I didn't realize it was Will who threw them off the cliff FUCK#this whole thing made me cry so hard#his voice on “it's beautiful” broke me#this show changed my brain chemistry idk what to do with myself now#just my thoughts right after watching#not much deep analyzing went into this yet#only AAAAAA and OW#I'm feeling so normal about this#honestly rude to put so many feels into the last 10 minutes of a show /lh
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you know someday i'm gonna feel so good when i have my student loans paid off
that ain't gonna be soon, trust me, but i think about it
#i've been saving so much for it that i paid off over like $2k in the last 2 or 3 months#it's just thinking about how the amount of interest goes off that drives me literally crazy#and my monthly amount i owe is like just under $120#which to some people as a regular bill is more manageable than others. but as i have an irregular income#as a substitute teacher it's something that gives me a LOT of stress.#which is another reason i've been overpaying. in case something happens/i can't get a lot of work#it defers the next due date.#that way it's not urgent but yet i still *feel* it all the time#debt is a crazy kind of thing#and to think that my loans are from COMMUNITY college. two years. publicly owned#when i start taking classes again soon. i currently have enough saved that if i take like ONE class#i can pay out of pocket. and i think im only gonna take one class to start anyway#which will also help with the deferred payments#see i just fucking hate having to think practically about money like this#tales from diana#idk how ppl leave high school and go straight to live in a dorm room at a private university for four straight years#and rack up tens to hundreds of thousands of dollars in debt.#first of all that lifestyle was not accessible for me to begin with. even when paying it was such an abstract put-it-off thought#as it is for so many 18-year-olds who are told not to worry about where they apply.#but i had under $12k to repay when the student loan debt was unfrozen last fall#and it's been weighing on me soooo heavily since then. i think about it every damn day#it's like the money i make isn't even mine. it goes straight to mohela and food#keep in mind i also live w my parents & am on their health insurance so someday there'll be moooore bills!!!!
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ᯓ★
#i feel the way i feel and i dont owe it to anyone to hide my sadness </3333#also i just have bpd and even somewhere many ppl have that u cant even say anything but im just having a breakdown now 🤷🏻♀️#anyway what i wanted to say is that i AM sensitive and emotional and stupid#and it does hurt so much when the person i want and love doesnt feel that way for me#and i feel bad saying stuff like this bc ppl dont really understand but#i dont feel..: a whole lot... for anyone but him thats just how it is#so he IS a loss he IS so hard to lose and thats just how i feel#and it hurts sm bc hes the only one i wanna talk to but i cant#i know this is smth most ppl deal with in life and like it's just part of being a human#i just everyday keep thinking of things that remind me of him or i read a book i wanna tell him abt and then the pain comes back#bc the thing is i kinda only want to talk to him abt it all bc i just dont /feel/ a lot talking to others#that doesnt mean i dont appreciate it or care i just dont know how to explain#maybe it's my avpd? but i just dont feel happy or nice or good or comfortable or excited or interested in the same way :((((#i dont know i barely know what im talking or thinking about#and i keep saying the same things over and over again im just so sad and it feels like i always will be#bc i have bpd and then the pain feels all consuming and like it will never end and its just so hard to deal with#and even if it might be true when ppl say stuff like u deserve love or you're gonna find someone else etc#im not ready to receive it bc i only want this specific person and i get that many ppl deal with unrequited love and its part of life#but i AM scared bc im 25 and i've never ever met anyone i feel even a fraction for what i feel for him#what if im someone who doesnt get many chances w ppl? what if im cursed to be alone and never find anyone i have a mutual connection to????#so therefore i just wanted thought believed and hoped it would be him#and yes i acknowledge that a lot of it was just me wanting that and not realizing reality but its still how i felt#and as a bpd girlie my emotions are all consuming 🥴#so bottom line is i kinda just wanna die bc i wanna talk to him every second bc im crazy and mentally ill and since i cant do that im in sm#pain hahahah :D#and i will complain abt it bc it hurts so much idk what to do!!!!! ☺️
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grahh i want to talk ab hachi's character development so bad.... his relationship to arlong and the period of time after arlong park and how camie forced him to come to realizations on things and--
#[ tako8yaki ] — general.#ooc.#[ smnth smnth he cares sm ab arlong and owes arlong so much and he'll always be his brother#[ but also acknowledgment that staying and listening to arlong made him less the person he wanted to be#[ and how taking care of / taking responsibility of camie and pappagu and aquisition of tako8yaki put him in an independant position#[ giving him room to grow and mature#[ grahhh#[ i need to make a hc post for him ab arlong and camie.........#[ same with jabra and the other cp.9 members grahh#[ so many things i want to talk ab!!!#[ i love. when complicated relationships#[ love of all kinds is complicated for these fools.... the blorbos
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wtf hey gang
you're never gonna guess who it is LMFAOAOAOAO
HELLO WORLD IM BACKKKKKKKKK sorry for not writing for a while............. i've been going thru some whack shit lately but i graduated a couple weeks ago so that's pretty awesome!! hopefully i'll actually be able to get back into the flow of writing cuz i have 60 somethin' asks that i've been neglecting since scott pilgrim takes off came out??
also please expect more ghost content because i saw rite here rite now last night (REALLY FUCKING GOOD BTW I CRODE) and i am very much back to my natural state of fixating on the ghouls
#twiix rambles#feels good to be back honestly#i forgot about this blog for the longest time#which i do feel kinda bad about#i just haven't had like#much of a drive to write at all for about a year#went through a lot of stuff this year#sorta been working on my mental health#trying to better myself as a person#things have been hard#and i do feel really guilty about not posting#so many neglected asks#i love rambling in the tags as if people are gonna read all of this mumbo jumbo#tldr im back and im gonna try writing again#expect slowish updates#thank you for everything though guys#there is nothing that makes me happier than seeing that people are still reading my writing years later#i've improved so much as time has passed and im very proud of myself#im very proud of how far i've come#i owe it all to you guys :3
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