#i personally dont think i do since i put so much effort into avoiding it but theres Always room for improvement obviously

[walnutcookie]

can i ask what cheddar's curse is :333333333 3 33333 :333 :#3333333333333333333333333333 :3:#3333

HI I AM SO GLAD YOU ASKEDDD. :33 THANK U SO MUCH FOR THIS ASK /GEN. you have unleashed hell i am about to write so many paragraphs /silly /pos

ok to rb!

I need to draw a picture of them without the shadow sometime but. basically that glint in the shadow over cheddars face?

thats not their eye. they dont have an eye there anymore. instead it is a jewel :]c a cheddarstone to be exact. And it is very cursed!

still need to figure out exactly how it goes but when the blue cheese manor burned down they reached for the cursed jewel that their family had and They survived! They technically cannot die! but living isnt exactly easy

inside of them is a ton of Dark almost ink-like goop,, its like. Anti-life force. It seeps through their skin slowly and if it seeps out too much cheddar has to fight for control. if it gets really bad they lose control entirely. the only way to keep it from seeping out is by absorbing pure life force. they can obtain it through being around someone as they die, but more effectively they can kill people themself. Which is pretty easy since!! touching anti-life force kills a person IMMEDIATELY literally all cheddar needs to do is touch someone and theyre dead.

of course, if people knew that she was doing this, theyd be arrested immediately so theyve found ways to be sneaky about it :]c

for one, they cover themself up as best as possible. Literally from the head down its completely covered - giant coat, gloves, boots, etc. plus the hat covers not only the jewel in their eye but the anti-life force goop growing on his face!!! They avoid being in crowds or tightly packed spaces and theyre careful not to ever touch someone - while the clothing helps, it doesnt completely negate the curse, so while a brush of the shoulder may not kill the person itll at least drain them which will look suspicious.

obviously this quote wasnt related but shh its about Universe A. to me

cheddar has basically made themself untouchable (both metaphorically and literally).

say, theoretically, they need to take another victim. theyre travelling with macaroni on oh, say, a train, and they find a random cookie isolated in a train car with nobody around to witness anything. they peel off their glove and put their hand on the victims mouth, muffling their scream and killing the person instantly, and then they gently lower the body down so it doesnt make a noise as it hits the floor. next they use a knife to stab the person a few times - theyre already dead, but since touching them wouldnt give any indicators toward the cause of death, they have the perfect opportunity to create a false story behind the murder of this cookie and frame someone else for it. all they need to do after that is call macaroni to come see and he'll practically do the work for them!!!

ive mentioned this on one of my posts before but i headcanon that macaroni. cannot. stand. mysteries. he has to have them solved ASAP otherwise he CANNOT rest easy. he wont be able to eat or sleep very well at all. it makes him so anxious as much as he loves mysteries

Cheddar uses this to their advantage! theyve created a person in macaroni's head - someone whos lazy, who doesnt put much effort into their work, someone who doesnt rely on real evidence very much. How would someone like cheddar manage to frame someone else for a murder theyve committed and get away with it? especially since cheddar is around macaroni 24/7 and hed never expect them to do something in like the five minutes that they sneak away. not to mention cheddar has been working for the cbi even longer than mac and why on earth would a cbi agent kill someone for (seemingly) no reason??? In reality cheddar is actually much smarter and observant than they make themself seem but mac is in HEAVY denial about it because he doesnt want to have to think about his work partner being a murderer. Better to come up with other solutions (which cheddar so generously offers to him by framing people) than to point the finger at cheddar and raise dozens more questions that may be left unanswered. Plus the thought that all of the deaths cheddar caused would technically partially be macs fault. And as much as cheddar annoys him, mac has grown pretty attached to them.

someone could literally yell at mac and say LOOK!!! CHEDDAR HAS BLOOD STAINS ON THEIR COAT OH MY GOD!!!!!!! and mac will just laugh and say Haha that must be from lunch yesterday :) LIKE. cheddar has just made the perfect alibi for themself. they can never be accused of any crime because mac will defend them no matter what just to keep his own sanity

all of the killing and murder and crime aside cheddar is. Fucking miserable. shes so insanely touch starved bro they havent had a hug since like 1806 (except for like one person CCOUXGGHT COUCGHE GOUCGH ROUCYEO CAPPUCCINO COUGH COUCGH SPUTTER COUGH thats another post entirely though if anyone sends an ask abt it ill talk about it) and they try to make themself seem unlikable towards macaroni and try to distance themself from people and avoid relationships because even just a high five or a brush of the shoulder could be fatal. its too much of a risk, and its not one theyre willing to take.

he is fucking Smitten for macaroni theyre so head over heels for that girl but they just! CANT!!!! they cant get close to him because then he might DIE and not only would they lose the person they love but that would mean that their precious alibi is gone and theyd have to be extra extra sneaky about things to make sure that nobody catches them committing crimes. not to mention because of the way they act macaroni fucking HATES HIM. one sided yuri my beloved

anyways yaay ill stop there before this post gets too long X] theres more stuff about these two (including actual yuriful fluff NO WAAY) if youre curuois or have any other questions just shoot me an ask id love to answer!!!!

as always i dont think this is canon by any means it is all just my silly headcanon au because i think cheddar should be fucked up As a treat👍have a nice day If you read all of this i loveyiu so much /p

[roe-and-memory]

in the case of strip and cal, i think a little bit about bill and chase elliott — specifically the pictures and silly interviews from when chase was a baby. except, in this case, cal is the itty bitty nephew that strip wants to show off to everyone because “this kid is gonna continue my legacy one day, i just know it”. and i just think its adorable. but i also just think about strip and cal a lot in general.

cal grows up on the track, his parents are super close to his aunt and uncle and they basically do everything together, and cal gets so many cool opportunities to see how racing works from the pit crews pov. he gets to wear headphones, sit beside strips crew chief in the pit box, and he gets to watch the races up close and personally. i dont think anyone ever pushed racing onto cal, but he did know he wanted to be a driver and everyone made sure he didnt feel pressured to be one.

strip taught cal how to drive in the fields behind the farmhouse, and although these lessons were rare because cal lived in a city three hours away, he picked up a lot of information fast and started karting.

after the accident however, when his parents passed, he lost his hearing, and he was placed in the care of his aunt and uncle, a little bit of that spark died and became fear. he’d put so much effort, so much of his life, into racing already, that it felt near impossible to choose something else. he wanted to do it, but he was so terrified of the crashing aspect, and so heartbroken because everything happened so damn quick, that he almost didnt tell strip. almost.

it was nerves more than anything, the first practice in the fields since everything happened, and he’d already been strapped into the car and was about to be on his merry way when he abruptly blurted out that he was terrified and he didn’t know if he could do it anymore.

strip kind of paused, but understood where he was coming from and decided he would vow to protect cal from any crashes, no matter what it takes. he taught the kid defensive driving, how to drive in a pack and avoid the big ones, and any skills he would need to stay safe, alert, and unharmed.

obviously, racing careers are lame without crashes, but by the time cal is 19 and having his debut race in the piston cup, the 2007 fireball 500, that fear of crashing is almost gone. hes a grown up now, the accident was 6 years ago, and he feels much safer in that car than he wouldve in a regular car driving down a highway. he will continue strips legacy.

[eggtwobroes]

big post explaining/apologizing for my (eggtwobroes/theyhitthepentagon) behavior under the read more

sorry for maintagging this i just. think its important

i dont really kniw how to word what im thinking so im like. going to type it as im thinking. but i wanted to make a real genuine post explaining my behavior over the past year, because ive been a dick there is no avoiding it!! this post is going to be about how ive acted from june up until now. im mostly going to be explaining the situations and apologizing. if you see this please feel free to share it around, i know it most likely will not reach alot of people because i have like. a loot of people blocked. and alot of people have me blocked. idk please share this ok thank u

back in june 2022 (specifically one year tomorrow, june 16th) i got like. really worked up after i had foundout that most of my adult mutuals (and some people i followed) were drawing hlvrai nsfw! the only post i had made about it (at least from what i remember) is liiike a not Kind post that basically said "hey if u like hlvrai nsfw please block me i thought that was common sense". after i posted this a large hlvrai artist (either by chance or caused by me) posted like "hey if u shit on hlvrai porn ur homophobic! sex is an important part of gay relationships etc etc"

this caused a Massive out break of discourse over hlvrai nsfw and me getting alot of adults in my inbox being weird towards me. here i feel its important to mention that:

when i was 12, i was around Ex Friends that posted a lot of porn of media i liked. even though most of them were teenagers and not that much older than me it Greatly Impacted Me and how i act, both related to what i saw and how i was treated

i used twitter from ages 12-15 (recently left) and you know how they handle conflict there. its not good

i dont think either of these excuse how i acted (but they may explain it)

the combined pressure of getting a bunch of adults in my anons being (from my perspective) really weird about this 14 year old kid who doesnt want porn artists to interact, and the unhealed trauma of Being Exposed To Homestuck Porn When I Was 12 (a devastating situation that everyone goes though all the time) i didnt really. handle it in a Good Way. which Means i sent horrible anon hate to people.i dont clearly remember if i made alot of public posts about the situation at the time (beyond answering the anons i was getting) but if i did im very very VERY sorry.

i feel like. alot of how i acted during this time (june-early august, mostly) was extremely Dickish and rude. as much as i justify or explain why i acted the way i did, i was still causing issues and handling the situation in a way that was unhealthy for not just myself but for everyone else around me. for this i really genuinely do apologize as much as i can, to the people ive hurt (melonsharks, xenodogz, many other artists) and to the people who were annoyed by me rehashing 3 year old drama. ever since the situation i have been working towards learning to block people and move on if they make content that makes me feel nauseous.

As for how ive acted in recent months, mostly over characterization, im not going to pretend that im already a new person. because im not! as much as i say im trying to be less of an asshole im just Not. it takes effort that i feel like im not putting in.

for those who just Dont look at my pages often enough, i will occasionally make posts about how hlvrai fans treat or characterize the. characters. and lets behonest these posts are really rude and ive been working on at LEAST being more vague or keeping it in private or like. just Not Posting it. but of course i HAVENT done all of those things! ive been really unvague!

ive posted direct screenshots of authors writing (someone younger than me, ive recently learned) to shit on it for being mischaracterized. i should Not have done that. at the very least i should have kept my thoughts to myself, not even shared with my friends.

after reading how other authors and artists have felt about the things ive said, and looking at the way ive come to think of other artists or authors in the community, ive realized that even though i thought i was targetting mischaracterization and poor treatment of the characters, i was harming and discouraging artists and authors who are still learning and growing as creators.

for this, im VERY very sorry to all of the artists and writers ive hurt or discouraged with my posts. i want to personally apologize to joyflameball, for publicly posting about and hating on your writing and the discouragement i caused as a result. i should have never put mischaracterization over your own feelings, and i definitely should not have put your work on blast, especially because we are (i think) around the same age. i will be trying as best as i can to deconstruct the way ive come to think of other creators in this community and support other creators as best i can.

i dont expect to be forgiven for the way ive acted, since alot of this is VERY very recent and so far i dont think ive shown any signs of improvement. i am writing this post now because i want you all to know that i will be trying my hardest to become a better person, change the way i think of other people, and change the way i act in public. i dont think my actions can be excused, as much as i try my best to explain them from my perspective. ive undeniably hurt many people. if i havent addressed something important, or if you have any questions/things to say, please feel free to send me an ask or dm me at wretched yaoi lich#9564 on discord. im most likely going to be queueing this post alot so my followers see it. thank u for ur time

[zonerz]

Answers Update

OKAY IK THIS IS A TEXT BLOCK BUT DONT PANIC! We are good JKSDKJL

So it’s been about a month since the last chapter update, my b 💀🙏BUT I have good reasons, and I realized that while I mentioned it in an A/N on the fic itself, I probably have people following me here who haven’t seen that 😭👍Better late than never tho! Putting it under a cut bc it’s a bit long my bad

I’ve had a good chunk of chapter 39 completed since I uploaded 38, but as I was writing and reviewing my stuff to ensure consistency and such, erm, well 😭I’ve hit a point where the problems I’ve had on the backburner are no longer avoidable. Additionally, by nature of how long I’ve been working on this story (4.5 years mama mia 💀💀💀) I’ve had time to think about and enhance some #Lore 😳!

Reflecting on all of this, I really think that in order for the upcoming bits to be at their best and most impactful, I need to revisit the much older chapters and make some revisions. Which I know can sound beyond frustrating, but I would rather do this and make the whole experience much more consistent and satisfying than shoehorn in a bunch of stuff late-game and feel like a rugpull yk???

The main thing that pushed me over the edge is Hiro because the track that I’ve been on regarding his background/power set up is gonna lead me into an unsatisfying and unfun corner, and that’s not what I want. So I’ve been rattling that man around for months tryna figure smth out AND I FINALLY GOT IT! His character and personality won’t be changing so no worries there! Nor will introductions or roles, but I’ve finally got something set up to explain his powers a lot more reasonably as well as being able to have a bit more classic HB callbacks :]

Essentially I’m gonna do what I did in 2021 where I have a little laundry list of things to tweak and add so that the story is at it’s best! My writing abilities have definitely improved and grown since I first started writing this fic, so I’m finally able to add or depict things I simply didn’t have the skill level for before which is SOOOOO SATISFYING !!!

Currently all chapters up to chapter 14 have been updated with new action sequences, conversations, and grammatical/pacing issues resolved to be much closer to how I always intended for them to be--also some fun little 1.20 snippets that just fit in a way I’ve always wanted! Those cherry trees were too good to not mention 💖

When I’m done I’ll be uploading the real chapter 39 in the place of the A/N one and will denote which chapters got the most notable changes :> They’ll mostly be the ones from about 8-15 I’d say tho solely because of Hiro 😭 Love that bastard but he has been a MIGRAINE to sort out for YEARS

Anyways that’s all I’ve got 😭🙏Thank you guys sm for reading and for your patience and apologies for the change-up, but I do think this is a good thing to do for the health of the story even if it takes a lot of extra effort and time. It’s worth doing. Very funny to feel like I’m adding patch notes to a fic tho KLJSJKLDJ Answers HD 1.5 Remix moment

anyways ty and have a good one !!!

[agro-carnist]

not sure how any of this will be taken but it is all well-meaning and if i seem harsh anywhere it is probably the autism, because i don't hold malice toward you.

i appreciate your response to everything that's been happening. i must admit that it hasn't changed my opinions on the posts you've made or art in question, but i want to emphasize that suspecting someone is a pedophile or a zoophile is Never something i deprive joy or satisfaction from (it's just scary.), and hearing you explicitly say you are neither and explain why is truly a genuine relief.

i do believe you when you say you are neither. i am also appalled to hear that anyone has compared you to people like hypnotistsappho, i cant imagine how awful that would feel.

while my opinions (in regards to the art in question, the enjoyment of minor/adult relationships, or my belief that engaging with potentially dangerous paraphilias is indeed a bad idea) will likely never be changed, i did read what you've said in good faith and i will make an effort to atleast think over the points youve made. i also do not believe in thoughtcrime and do recognize that many of us can fall into black/white thinking regarding kink and the like.

i personally am also into kink, although it falls into "tamer" categories (for lack of ability to think up a better word), and to an extent i understand where some of what you say is coming from. i suppose regardless of my personal morals, in the grand scheme of things, as long as you arent hurting anyone (which you thankfully dont appear to be) it isn't my business and i don't need to understand anyway.

there is one post i wish you'd addressed but i can see why you didn't because it wasn't really in discussion much, and maybe isn't as big a deal as i am making it out to be. but as someone else with diagnosed ocd your post about (and forgive me because i do not remember the exact wording of your post. i promise i am not trying to put exact words in your mouth) "antis secretly enjoying the things that they claim disgust them" was really gut-punching to see and to be completely honest i felt a lot less open to hearing your side of things for a while after learning about it, because it just felt so mean spirited...

i know it wasn't aimed at other people with ocd but i wish you'd taken into account that other people with ocd would probably see that post before making it. especially since ocd is something you have personal experience with and know what it is like to suffer from. while we may disagree over the morality of much of what's being discussed, i am sure we can both agree as people with ocd that being told you secretly enjoy the thoughts that scare and disgust you or that go against your morals is never fun. it is a trigger for me but i think it is rude to imply this even to people without ocd. im not sure what i want to get out of sharing this. but i did want to be honest about how that post came off to me since i feel quite dissatisfied about it

all that really matters i guess is that you've provided clarification and were honest in your post. i really had no idea what else to think with what information and pieces we had beforehand, and now i simply hope we can all quietly avoid eachother in peace.

That's all I really want. I just want to be heard and understood. I really appreciate this. I'd rather be in civil disagreement than fight each other.

As for your concern on that post - I completely understand the concern there. There was a context for that image and I didn't expect it to be shared on other sites. I made that at a time when a lot of people were making "my favorite ship dynamics" tweets but using it to vilify other ships. It was kind of a trend to post your favorite ship dynamics with a doodle of generic blob people showing the dynamic. A lot of these were "problematic" tropes and a lot of people started a pushback trying to shame the original tweets. I was annoyed seeing tweets all the time that essentially boiled down to "the best and only valid ship dynamics are healthy and wholesome relationships." So I made that as a jab at them. I see a lot of hypocrisy among those types. I know a lot of people, including myself, would preach only what we deemed as healthy or unproblematic but had deeply repressed interests in the "problematic." And also heard of many instances where someone like that would be found creating and/or consuming equally nasty art. It was meant to point that out. I didn't mean to imply that everyone actually has secret taboo fetishes or that people genuinely upset by certain tropes are lying. I understand that can be upsetting and I apologize I made people feel that. Like I said I didn't think it would leave that context. It was just supposed to highlight a harmful attitude I kept seeing. In hindsight I could have made that clearer. I want people to accept their fantasies and not live like they're trying to cover them up by being a hostile moral crusader but I dont want others to feel hurt for that to happen. Again I'm sorry that it came to people getting triggered by what I said

[violentviolette]

Jack I have a question. Is this healthy or no?

So i am a very conflict avoidant person, but also an emotional bitch about everything all the time. I have over time learned to separate my emotions from logic though, and give space to both of them. The way I do this is that if someone upsets me but it’s not a genuine issue that needs communication on, I will tell them they’re okay/i’m okay, and then will vent the emotions elsewhere where they can’t see.

What I tell them is not a lie. I usually am not actually angry or whatever, but I have to give voice to my irrational emotions somewhere or it sticks in the back of my throat for the rest of the day/night/week/month (that’s not an exaggeration)

I only ask because people don’t seem to like or understand it so i don’t know. Am I insane? Am I being toxic? Or am I just being complicated™️? I dont know anymore.

My gf recently broke up with me over it so (someone sent her screenshots of my vents) :/

oh that sucks, im sorry someone did that because that is genuinely a normal and healthy thing like, we are going to sometimes think negative things about the people we love and care about. thats SUCH a normal human thing. ppl are going to get on our nerves or do things that bug us or any number of things and it is very much perfectly healthy to recognize when those feelings are either irrational or dissproportionate to the situation or just unhelpful or even mean and unfair, and instead of bringing any of that to the other person or putting that on them, to deal with those feelings privately away from them and then move on. like that is so incredibly normal and healthy a lot of people dont like that because a lot of people have issues with boundaries and control, and think that dating or being close friends with someone means ur entitled to their every thought and that anything u dont share with them is lying or hiding things from them. this is very unhealthy and can lead to lots of different kinds of abusive and negative behavior. we are all entitled to privacy, even from the people closest to us it sucks that someone showed her what should have been private conversations and its a p big breech of trust and boundaries on the part of that person. i'd be pissed af honestly. and it's understandable that ur gf was hurt by them, but since thats exactly the reason u didnt express any of that to her, it sucks that she saw them despite ur best efforts just to be very fair i will say that it's also understandable on her end that seeing them made her change her feelings and decide to break up, depending on the exact content of the vents it might have been hard to know u ever think of her that way or upsetting to know u speak about her that way to others. not saying the things u were saying were fucked up but ive known ppl who will vent about their partners with zero consideration for them as people and say things like "fuck that stupid bitch i hope she dies" or "she's just being a dumb whore" or other like deeply desparaging statements that go beyond expressing ur feelings and into value judgement of the other person and its understandable why someone would then immediately breakup with someone who speaks about them like that, even if its not to their face. so i feel like its an important contextual footnote that depending on the content of the vents it might make the situation less u healthily expressing ur feelings elsewhere and more its just not acceptable or okay to speak about a partner this way ever, even if its not to their face but again im not accusing u of that and am giving u the good faith benifit of the doubt that u were just having normal vents, which is not only absolutely a healthy thing, but is very much needed in relationships. u and ur partner should both of have spaces and circles outside of one another where u can speak and vent freely about eachother and get support and reassurance from other people without the involvment of ur partner at all. u both have a right to privacy from one another and u dont have to tell eachother ur every thought and ur allowed to have private feelings that u dont share with ur partner, even if those feelings are negative. those are basic and core parts of a healthy relationship so ur not just being toxic or insane.

[normalestgirlblog]

My mother part 1 of probably a few

I genuinely have no one to talk about this with and it doesn't make sense if I talk about it in person because I will never be able to articulate this in a way that makes any sense.

There is something so isolating about family shit, because no one can really understand the dynamics and how fucking messy it is because they are not in your family.

Not that anyone I know cares enough to even fucking ask me how I'm doing or try to talk about it with me. Maybe that's my fault because sometimes I just shut down or try to avoid the topic, but it just feels like no one even wants to touch it, because they cant even understand it.

My best friends really get it, but I don't want to bog them down with my misery especially when they are so far away. The people around me I just don't feel like any comfort, I feel like I'm being attacked constantly by things that are potentially in my control but are so far away from what I actually care or think about. Its just so exhausting having to be everyone's person and never being good enough, and simultaneously nobody putting in the same effort for me.

Maybe I am just on my period. Maybe I am just experiencing high levels of anxiety which is triggering some sort of depression bullshit that I am not loving. Maybe I just don't have a vape. Or maybe everything is constantly working against me. I can barely do my work, I overthink what I eat. I feel sick and full and starving and fine all at once. I am having sex but even that isn't distracting me from all this bullshit. Especially now that he's pulling away like very significantly.

I dont know what to do about it. I wish he would just fucking end it instead of doing this bullshit like not responding fast enough not making plans anymore like I just don't get it. I really fucking liked this guy, and I thought he liked me. I am just so confused and I don't understand what I did wrong. Not that I really want to know, I would just rather be alone and not know. Maybe I should just be alone, focus on my bag, focus on myself. Maybe I should just be like al, and be a constant bitch to everyone and only hang out with my boyfriend. It would be nice to have a boyfriend to hang out with but fuck it men and women fuck all of you you are all wasting my time with nonsense. Fucking is fun, but its overrated.

I am gonna drink a lot tonight by myself which is so my high school depression era of me but it feels right.

I wish my mom would stick around longer. Maybe I am being selfish, but we were just starting to repair our relationship. Through writing this whole thing this is the only part that is starting to make me cry. I love her so much, and its been so hard for the past two years and I just want her to be around. Shes leaving in a week. I don't know when I will see her again. I want her to be happy but I also want her near. Shes one of my best friends, and I have just started truly letting her into my life. And now my dad is moving to DC at the end of May and I am graduating and everything is changing and I just want to vomit and stay the same. I don't know where I am going to live. I don't know who I am going to be. I don't want to keep second guessing myself. I think I should just move west and start over truly and ghost everyone my family, friends, and just be alone. I think it might fix me. I think something is broken and I am not exactly sure what it is. I think I care about things too much, especially about things that are not important.

I hate him, and I hate her and I hate everyone and I love everyone and everything. But most of all I think I just hate myself.

He finally texted after not responding all day. I know I shouldn't be mad or upset because I am sure he has things going on but this kind of couldn't have come at a worse time for me. And I know we don't know each other that well but since we have been talking I have come to depend on him in a way that I know is too soon and too much but that is who i am. I have never been casual about anything in my life. Everyone who I chose to let in I need them to be there, I want them to be there. I don't think I can respond. I literally have nothing to say, what can I say. My life is horrible and shitty and I was holding so tightly onto you because everyone else in my life has a habit of leaving me. And even though we haven't known each other for that long I truly just needed someone there. Maybe I just have too much going on.

I am instead making plans to see my mother tomorrow. I know I am sad because I am mad at her but more because I am going to miss her so much and I should try to spend as much time with her as I can before she leaves again.

[ibolyafagyi]

lrt yes

but also it seems that every few months i have a breakdown from peopling too much. its usually in exam season i guess? is it my priorities clashing, do i lash out (internally) on my friends because of exam stress, because i still have an overly strong attachment to performing well in school?

thinking abt "there is no such thing as avoiding conflict, if you dont externalize it it just plays out internally by sulking".

a new friend told me how are you so sweet? and i think shes right, im very sweet and agreeable and usually go along with whatever other people want, or try to be assertive when they need assertion from me (especially when the relation is new and there is a good interplay of freshness, curiosity and politeness). but then i have a whole day crying fit that makes me have a migraine for hours because i feel so constricted and overworked from being with people. i dont feel like im naturally sweet and agreeable and whatever the other person wants. it comes easy to me, but maybe in the same way that doing well in school is easy, its natural to put out the effort to do it and it feels great to achieve, to receive praise and friendship, but not natural as in relaxed and casually tenable forever.

i have (/had) crying fits from caring too much about school, i have crying fits from performing the good friend and endlessly kind and considerate person role. somehow its impossible for me to ask my roommate if she can go out a bit more so i can be alone sometimes or when it was cold and i needed to talk to my therapist. these are reasonable requests. but i cant because it clashes with my role that gives me my purpose and social standing. and then internally i blame my roommate and start to hate her, then have a crying fit, injure myself and release the conflict energy that way, and i feel guilty bc shes alright and she did nothing wrong. and im back to feeling alien and weird bc i dont behave like a kind, "normal", functioning person. its against my role to have an explosion like that. i used to spend so much time in constant alarm and pain, and my current self hates that bc it wants to be popular and feel safe and be surrounded by people. i love people, i need to have people, and this is my tradeoff. i dont think im inauthentic (tho it does feel like that sometimes and thats a sign of my limits i need to pay attention to), but this is not sustainable and not truly good for me.

i have 2 friends at home i feel so weird about. i love them, but ever since i left for the semester abroad, i feel a weird distance. and i know! that its because i cannot lay my problems on them in a way that brings us closer together. i always feel like i can only message them if its in a cheerful and curious tone. but we are older friends than that, and i never feel cheerful enough. we are older, it *should* be deeper, but i cannot make it deeper on my end. (im trying to practice in my relationship though. i wanna bring the practice over to my friends too.)

i dont need to be kind always. i gotta give up the praise. i want more functional friendships. i want my friendships to last and deepen. i wanna be able to ASK for things from people. i wanna be able to rely on people. i want to let them help me. i want to be more free.

[vtori73]

Hmmm... I'm... I'm really bad at talking with people. Like I can do casual, but that's... really it. I don't know how to talk to people otherwise, I want to make friends with others but it just doesn't work out.m because I just can't. I mean, I guess it also just kind of seems like the people who I want to or would like to be friends with don't want to ever really be my friends and random people who do want to be friends aren't people I want to stay friends with after getting to know them. I mean, that is not necessarily true though, it was more so the fact that I just felt like they kind of got tired of me or more correctly I got insecure and felt like they didn't really care for as much anymore or I wasn't much of a factor in their lives and me noping out wouldn't matter especially since we didn't really know each other for that long.

I know, I'm still in the wrong, I gh0sted them basically and I'm not trying to defend it but I just find it hard to think it was that big of a deal. I get it for people you've known for years but someone you've barely just started knowing shouldn't be like a big deal, while you can still believe it sucks (& it does) I don't think people you barely know have to explain themselves to you and such especially if there isn't really much to explain. Literally I just didn't see these relationships going anywhere so I'm not saying it was okay but it also wasn't the worst most evil thing in the world because again, I didn't know these people that much and they were the ones who came to me first so I gave them a chance and let them in, honestly some would say it would have been ruder of me if I had just been honest about not wanting to be friends anymore.

But this is also a pattern with me I've noticed but moreso out of genuine low-confidence and anxiety I have for interacting with others. I try to make sure I word everything right and reread what I wrote to make sure I don't accidently write something that could be interpreted wrong, I avoid using emojis because they can specific meanings that I just not aware of because I just take them at face value or if I do use them I try to use the most common/neutral/known ones in person I just try not to talk or say too much in fear of saying something stupid or weird and i dont want to weird people out and when I do talk and actually talk about something a bit more important or anxiety inducing I tend to shake (tremor) or use to I'm not sure if that still happens since im more able to share opinions more often now but its probably still there just situational. If I leave a comment and I don't get a reaction soon enough I start to freak out that I said or did something wrong so I end up deleting it to get rid of the trail, to make up for it or hide it before it can be seen in case I did write out something weird.

I know how I never really had a normal relationship, friendships included because when I had the most friends in my life, which was highschool, I was a big people pleaser and went out of my way to try and be liked and to keep the friends I had. Nothing really horrible but one example I can actually remember is that despite the fact that we went quite a few times to the movies together I was never actually... asked for my opinion on what movie to watch it was always decided, and I never thought much of it till later after these friendships started dissolving. I was also the one that put in the most effort but barely got any back, again nothing horrible but not great either. I noticed how once I did start trying to voice my actual opinions and such I got less and less interactions from others because something I probably always knew deep down that was confined for me was that I wasn't mostly tolerated because I was easy to be around and deal with and once I wasn't I wasn't really worth the hassle anymore.

Maybe I'm misremembering though, maybe I'm being rough on those old friends but that's what it seemed like to me. It's probably also why I do find myself noping out of these new relationships, because i worry or notice they are drifting away and I don't want to give them the chance to gh0st me so I leave instead. Some of them though I don't regret after finding out about specific opinions they hold. I find myself sort of glad though that I did, glad I left instead of put up with people with opinions I can't stand personally just for the sake of not being alone.

[rainy-astrology]

thats what baffles me about this whole life thing that we have to unfortunately force ourselves to endure even if we dont want to admit it we are slaves to the broken system. there is so much that we can or should be doing but at the end of it it dont matter once we pass away cause then u be a no body yknow. no one on earth can really say when but i wanna know when... idrc for the whole life is short yolo shtick that was a saying in the mid 00s or whenever. theres only so much u can realistically achieve and if u fail as i have then whats the point in sticking around? why is there no exit button cause i dont want to stick around past the age of 50? the state the world and countries are in is dreadful. people on here are still timid to talk about death but we cant avoid the subject.

Hi anon, are you alright? You sound very stressed and depressed. This is some pretty negative thinking...Especially if you're asking about death and not wanting to live long. "If you fail as I have then whats the point of sticking around?" I'm guessing you base your self worth on success and you haven't met your expectations/goals, so you're already considering yourself a failure and want to quit. You're under 50, so you're still young (and even if you were 50 or older, age can't stop you from reaching your goals) and have plenty of time to achieve all of the things you want. Yes we will all die in the end, but that doesn't mean you should spend the rest of your time doing nothing and being negative. That's a sad way to live. It's also not a reason to want to leave early... There must be something else in this world that you want to live for.

Is there nothing or nobody you value? Life is about the small things too...it's about the people you are with too...do you really want to quit and leave those behind? Even if you don't think you have either, surely you do. Think about it. Reflect deeply. Even if you think you will be insignificant after your death, you will matter to those you're close to, to people you have impacted and care about. I'm sure there's someone who cares about you. The world may not know you, but why do you care about people you don't even personally know.

You can still be successful no matter how many times you've failed. Isn't that what life is? A series of trials and lessons, learning experiences? You don't have to beat yourself up so much over your mistakes and failures. Learn from them, grow from them.

But I get what you're saying though, I think about it a lot actually. The world is in an incredibly depressing state and just seems to get worse each passing minute. Sometimes it does feel like our efforts amount to nothing, especially since we'll die anyway. We really can be doing so much more and run the world in a much different, better way yet we somehow chose some miserable ways...It's completely understandable. I also especially understand with the failure part, but we can't let that eat us up y'know. We only truly fail when we give up completely.

I know you didn't come to me to get some motivational speech or whatever, but I do not want you to wallow in your own sadness. It's ok to be sad and to be depressed, but you shouldn't give up either.

Decided to put your other ask in here as well

Yeah I'm sorry I didn't really have much of an answer for your 1st ask.

Certain times? Like birth times? I don't think there's much to it, it just happens to be the time we're born at. The placements are based on the degree and coordinates of the stars and such at the time iirc.

No, I don't think it does. Nothing in your birth chart or astrology is set in stone. It is simply a guide to help you learn about yourself and what you may want in life, the lessons and experiences you may go through. Plus depending on the type of chart system and astrology system you use, one chart can mean one thing while the other says something else (but there should likely be an overlapping theme between the charts). It's all up to you to make the action and effort to build your own path and life.

[completleymessy01]

06.05.23

Okay, so its been over a year since ive last written anything. I sort of put off logging into Tumblr. I wasn't ready to see all of my inner thoughts. Its so easy to blurt out everything im thinking, I can type as fast as my brain thinks. I dont feel filtered here, I know I can say what I like. My deepest darkest thought with no fear that someone will ever find it, or read it. Unlike my handwritten diary.That projects my false life, the one I make incase someone decides to look. Alots happened in the last year. Naturally, this would happen. I guess not a lot when I really put it into perspective. I have the same boyfriend, who I still love ( probably even more than I did a year ago) however the friends situation has changed. In the fact, that I have none. But I really dont want to get into that, it just makes me feel depressed. I currently live with s, with girl ive been best friends with for over five years. We have had a lot of up and downs, and to be honest this has been our longest down. She hates me, I hate her. She makes no effort and I can't decide if thats because of the person I am. I see other s in Aberdeen spending all her time with her friends and I think why can't someone (apart from my boyfriend) spend loads of time with me? Am I that unbearable? I see her at dinner and maybe in the morning, but thats really it. She doesnt ever chose to spend time with me, which is fine. I can't make her, all I can do is give her her space. I doubt she will ever come back to me. She has N ( who I hate) and thats enough for her. I think ive come to the conclusion that we view friendships differently. I could never get fed up of her, I could spend all my time with her. but she doesn't feel the same way, if I am in the flat she closes her door so I cannot see in. she avoids me. And apart from the fact that that feels shit because we used to be best friends, it is also shit knowing that she doesn't want to actually see me as a human being. Idk if im deeping that too much. I feel like I dont even know her, and I hate her at the same time. I hate how much she has pushed me away and hurt me. I hate how she is perfect and is never ever sad or messy or anything! I hate how im sitting here writing about how she affects me when I doubt she ever thinks of me. All she does is judge. and it hurts so much.

[trikanoid]

My thoughts during the final palace and after finishing the final palace in Persona 5 Royal

Be warned, there are spoilers ahead

------------------------------------------

i cant believe the supposed “bad” or not true ending of persona 5 royal is not actually the correct ending

it seems so happy and perfect with how it looks, most games would consider that the true ending but ig coz the games theme is rebelling against an unjust society and the sorts, it wouldnt be right for marukis world to be real, they even voice acted it and put so much effort into an ending that would usually be avoided if u wanted to finish the game, god damn p5r is written pretty well

and once i beat the final palace, i pre much have 100% achievements and moving onto p3p 🤔 and then probs after playing thru p3p twice to get 100% achievements, ill be replaying p4g

even crazier is that jokers teammates dont actually notice anything about the world they were given, only joker and akechi notice or know about it but joker is just praying that the ending chosen was a good ending

and then i can kinda understand marukis ending coz like a world where no one gets hurt. in marukis palace theres a part where u answer a questionnaire or multiple and one question where it had something to do with ur goals with the answers being “continue trying to reach ur goal”, “do whatever it takes to reach ur goal” or “give up and move onto a new goal/dream” actually made me realise that i usually take the easy way out in most things 😢 its kinda sad, id go for the final option and usually give up and move onto another dream/goal, which also explains why i never get addicted to have anything im rly passionate about since ill just give up when i hit a slump or just cannot progress aaaaaaaa p5r is so good

but the biggest problem with marukis ending is that ur happiness is just given to u, u dont think at all, uve got one singular path laid out for u to follow and while i find that decent and nice, its also rly fun and nice to struggle and come out on top, tho for me i usually only do those things for simpler activities such as coding, im fine with struggling with figuring out how to code something coz at the end its just so satisfying to figure it out and make it work, but at the same time, i wouldnt mind a path laid out for me since im the type of person to go with the flow and follow alongside others, but im also pretty neutral so while idm it, id also not like it and would like a path that makes me want to struggle and want me to reach my goals/dreams 🤔 aaaaaa theres so much to think about

tbh never thought a game would make me wanna type this much about it but after reading the comments of the “bad” ending, it got me wanting to share my own opinions but didnt wanna do it in the yt comments

like no cap if marukis reality were real, it would be great coz it means ur friends who suicided would come back, cats and dogs would live longer, etc and then i could have my best friend who suicided come back to life and while thats great and all itll also mean the struggles of coping with his death would disappear, it would mean id spend less time trying to catch up with ppl, thanking ppl for talking with me, letting ppl know i cared and id go back to the person whod disappear every once in a while, never thanking anyone for games, never thanking anyone for anything and making people question whether i rly found it fun to hang out with them or whether i cared about them much, so much to think about 💀 but i can genuinely understand where maruki is coming from where he doesnt want anyone to be hurt since id like the same 😢

he truly is the goodest bad guy

[spacedlexi]

i think if you have to specifically point out whats different about each face thats kind of part of the problem. i do think you have some facial variety but i think you can push it a lot more. im just letting you know what i see when i look at your art - i see people that are drawn with the same methodology with like, really mild and deliberate differences. i think you can squish and stretch more. i dont really know how else to explain it without providing other artists as an example...

im really not trying to be rude or upset you so im sorry if i did or if i could have said something better. :( i really do like your art and i have for a very long time. i just think facial variety is something thats fallen behind while everything else has just gotten better and better. one artist i feel who does facial variety well and has some comparable aspects in style to you is galoogamelady on tumblr.

and i really just want to reiterate that i really adore your art and this comes from a very genuine place. im really sorry if this caused you any stress. ive been following you since camp skaia and im not in a single one of the fandoms you draw for currently, i just love seeing your art.

ok since im afraid to tag l*ng post im just gonna re*d more and hope that phrase isnt gonna be banned soon 😑

ok im trying to be chill im just starting to get a little frustrated and im still trying to be nice here because like ive been saying i Know youre not trying to be mean and i appreciate the nice words and everything Truly i Do and even tho this has all been unrequested i appreciate you trying to provide helpful critique and its really nice youve stuck around this whole time again i Dont want to sound mean here im just trying to reiterate that as much as possible ok im not mad just frustrated and confused and trying to wrap my head around what youre saying

i just dont know how you can compare my art currently to my art from years ago and say facial variety has fallen behind? i mean im looking at stuff from 2017 (yuck) rn and ive come a long way in making characters more distinct. i made that chart Specifically so You could see the distinctions as easily as physically possible. because you keep comparing features that are structurally different and saying theyre the same. and im pointing at it going "but where tho?". and the way youre trying to describe it is just making me confused...

based off that other persons art i feel like youre saying to either make my style more cartoony or to just like, make characters faces shorter or longer. but the latter is something i Already do. in that chart i just made louis has a longer face than everyone else. again im trying to keep characters likenesses, and a lot of the ones i draw most frequently have kinda short faces...

but then youre saying i have facial variety but that i can "push it" more, which makes me think you think my art should be more cartoony. because pushing it means exaggerating it... but im trying not to exaggerate too much because i dont want to be too cartoony

im trying to find a nice balance of realistic and cartoony, with something like arcane being on the realistic end and spider verse being on the cartoony end. but nothing farther than that in either direction

im not trying to say my art is Perfect by any means and i'll be improving for the rest of my life. but i just.... dont know how you can say i have same face but then also say i have variety and deliberateness in the features i draw... i feel like you want me to exaggerate more but thats something im trying for the most part to reel in, especially when it comes to my style that leans more towards the realism end of the spectrum. but my characters still have unique features and are exaggerated where they need to be...

again, i'll be improving these methods over time so like i said in my last response youre just gonna have to give me time on it...

and Again its really nice that you like my art enough to stick around when im drawing for content that youre not invested in ok that makes you one of my favorite kind of followers. i Always always appreciate people who stick around because they like my art above all else its really cool and flattering 💕 so dont think im mad at you ok im really just trying to figure out what you mean and improve because like ive said i hate same face more than anything and do what i can to avoid it but also within the style im trying to perfect

[budgieflitter]

been wanting to put this out for a while mainly for myself but also if anyone is interested.. well i assume some ppl are since my drawings get attention for some reason??

just my many thoughts and hcs on tnmrc. lengthy!!!

YEAH so there’s really no witty backstory to that... i was just playing strangetown somewhat seriously for the first time and added the uni hood as a general procedure. you know the drill. but somehow got very attached to it in the process and to davis twins specifically. cause i just love twins and boring people most of the things i have in mind are based on in-game interests and just general vibes cause the bios don’t offer much food for thought

and as for tank... i was just going for college being a crucial point in his life. that kind of place that is removed enough from his usual environment and his dad’s influence so he can actually have some autonomy for once. also that’s when his gay awakening happens :)

but actually all this started bc i made a joke about them both bullying their younger brothers. that is it. all the stuff below is just stuff i copied from my notes app

- i know almeric is supposed to be older since he's already in uni but i do like to think they're both freshmen

- they are both poli sci majors. almeric starts with undeclared major so i think he's more laid-back about it, but he has a high interest in politics and he also rolls the want to declare poli sci every time in my game lol

tank is also interested in politics, but in addition that is a major connected to military career and ofc he must meet the expectations of his father. later on he'd want to change his major to drama though. i think he’d start having doubts about what he even wants to do w his life, then skipping classes quite often, practise some dancing in private and overall avoiding people so alm is like the hell is going on, cause you know, he's quite stubborn so they'd have to have the Talk most definitely. where our local military boy finds out bottling up his emotions is not healthy, his dad sucks and also he is gay af actually

- also yeah sexuality hcs i guess.. well i did say about tank a thousand of times already...  almeric is bi but well it is easier to date girls, never had trouble with it in high school. also coming out wasn’t a big deal for him he dated jessie pilferson but it didn't quite work out (not cause jessie is a romance sim but bc almeric is a fake sports fan obviously!)

- almeric likes to argue and is really good at it, also part of the reason he's a poli sci major. like the class debates with him around? fuckin impossible, even if you have good arguments he's down to play the devil’s advocate, use somewhat scummy tactics and do L + not relevant + ratio. i mean this dude uses the "im 2 minutes older" argument and still wins? bro you would’ve loved twitter the only person who could’ve possibly shut him up is klara, but she tries to ignore him. the patience. also for that reason i think tank wouldn't really like him at the start actually lmao but like do you know how homoerotic debates can be? i know i played ace attorney

- alm is kind of this gifted marty stu guy to me, in a way that he doesn't have to put effort in anything to get good results. he doesn't give a shit about sports honestly but he's just good at it, same with the studies, otherwise he just likes to chill and have fun (he certainly has to teach tank how to do it as well) aldric is like really mad about it, since wasn’t as easy for him (did i just reinvent the pleasant twins? i guess i did)

- almeric has a quite high interest in health so along with his laid back nature he's certainly not the type to pull all nighters or exhausting workouts. tank however certainly is that type of guy so almeric is like dont strain yourself dumbass i also think he is not the type to solve conflicts with fists, once again he prefers to talk it through, so he kinda tries to calm tank down and keep him out of trouble (it magically works)

- i think tank is rather insecure about making friends so he often thinks he is replaceable to almeric bc he's that cool popular guy and everyone is freinds w him (im not projecting im not)

- okay this last one is silly probably but i like to think that tank's favorite color is green and almeric's is blue and like.. tank's eyes are dark blue and almeric's are green... heh... i love me some cheesy romantic stuff ok

congrats if you made it till the end!!! for whatever reason. you’re a true budgieflitter fan

[bimb0beee]

stay with me.

suna x y/n

in which youve liked suna for years, suna is a tsundere, and tsukishima is a little shit.

includes tsukiyama, best friends tsuki & yamaguchi, mentioned miya twins, tsukishima is a shit stirrer and we love him for it.

warnings: smut, public funking, big cock suna, stupid suna, a little spit, uhhhhh, also my fics are never beated all mistakes are my own 🥴

wc: 4.1k

The first time you saw Suna Rintaro was at nationals. He was easily one of the prettiest boys you have ever seen. All you wanted to do was introduce yourself to him, but seeing as how they lost to Karasuno… you didn't think he'd give the time of day to a student there.

You debated following him on his socials… but ultimately went against it.

There was no way he'd be interested in you anyway.

The second time you saw Suna Rintaro, you were eating lunch with Kei and Tadashi.

You were midchew listening intently to Tadashi's story when you looked up and saw him.

He was walking with his friends, the twins, and you started choking.

Kei glanced at you while Tadashi fussed to make sure you weren’t dying.

He also happened to glance in the direction you were looking and saw the reason for your sudden choking.

“Y/n, oh my god, are you okay??”

“Tadashi, she's fine. She just so happened to see her four year crush.”

You punched him in his stupid gut.

The third time you saw Suna he was in one of your classes. Along with one of the twins. The one with yellow hair… What was his name again?

You were seated near the back, always keen on avoiding human interaction if you could.

And, of course, they both decided to sit directly in front of you.

Not that they paid you any attention.

Which was fine.

Until your professor told the class they should get someone elses contact information.

Since you were alone, and no one was near you except for Suna and Miya, you had no choice but to give it to Miya when he asked.

“Yo, I’m Atsumu! This is Suna.”

You looked up at, ah his name is Atsumu, Atsumu and smiled shyly.

“Hey! I’m Y/n…”

You took a chance at Suna but he's looking at his phone, not even bothering to give you another glance.

Unknown to you, he was already looking at you, but decided to look away before he got caught by either you or Atsumu.

You offered up your email and number to Atsumu, looking over to see if Suna wanted to as well.

He didn't even look at you, which may or may not have bummed you a bit, but you decided it was better this way.

You and Atsumu exchanged at least which was better than nothing, you suppose.

From then on, you and Atsumu became fast friends. You would try to talk to Suna, but he would just grunt at you or not even bother answering. So you gave up on trying. Which kind of fucking sucked, but if he wanted to be a prick, then you wouldnt bother with that.

Has your crush dwindled? No, of course not.

Atsumu was always talking about Suna and the stuff they were up to and he seemed so wonderful, so it sucked that he wouldnt even look at you.

You're crying about Suna to Kei and Tadashi; you're so distracted you don't even notice them walking in.

But Kei does, and right before you say his name he decides to be nice and cut you off.

“Shut up. Look who’s here.”

You look to glare at Kei and then you look up and, oh my god, of course it's him.

Suna and the Miya twins.

Atsumu notices you and starts walking over to you excitedly like a little puppy.

As annoying as he is, it's so endearing, you can't help but love him.

“Hey, Y/n!”

“Oh, hey Atsumu. Whats up?” You crinkle your eyes at him and in the most subtle way a tick appears in Suna’s eyebrow.

No one notices, except Kei.

He mentally grins.

“Oh, this is my brother! Osamu! We’re twins!”

You laugh and Kei puts his arm around you.

“Wow, really? I would've never guessed.”

You slap your hand on Kei’s leg and tell him to be nice.

He turns to whisper in your ear, “Leave your hand there. I'm testing a theory.”

You look at him with a question in your eyes but decide to listen anyway. Let him have his fun.

“I didn't know you had a boyfriend,” someone who definitely isn't Atsumu says.

You look up, why is Suna talking to you?

“Hmm?” You're staring at him curiously and then he just stalks off.

Atsumu starts to cackle. “What the fuck. He doesn't talk to you at all and then says that shit?”

“Y-yeah. What the hell was that about?”

Osamu is looking at you with sparkles in his eyes and you're about to ask what that means when he's suddenly walking away, “Sorry, gotta go and make sure he doesn't accidentally hurt himself! It was nice meeting you, Y/n.”

“You too…?”

Atsumu catches up to them to see what the fuck that was about.

They're sitting on a bench outside and Atsumu walks up to them trying not to laugh.

“What the fuck was that, Suna? I thought you didn't like her!”

“I don't.” He rolls his eyes, but there's a faint blush to his cheeks.

“Oh my god. You fucking like her.”

“Shut the fuck up, Tsumu.”

“LMFAO.”

“Atsumu, why the fuck did you just say that out loud?”

“Suna, you’re such a fucking tsundere. Why don't you just talk to her, idiot?”

“Why would I do that, when she clearly has a boyfriend?”

“Well, Rin, you didn't even let her answer before you stormed off. Maybe if you actually talked to her, you might find out the truth.”

Suna blinks at Osamu and gives a gentle smile.

“This is why you're my favorite twin.”

“Fuck you, Suna. You can't even talk to the person you like.”

“What the fuck was that. Kei? What the fuck was that?”

You're kind of having a little breakdown. Why did Suna randomly ask that, out of absolutely nowhere. He doesn't give you the time of day, then all of a sudden asks if you have a boyfriend? In what universe is Suna Rintaro living?

Kei is smirking.

“Babe, I think Suna likes you.” Surprisingly, it's Tadashi who speaks.

“Suna doesn't like me, Tadashi. He's clearly an idiot who knows nothing.”

“No, yeah. He totally likes you. He looked like he wanted to kill me.”

“Kei! You can't go antagonizing people!”

“Yes. i can. Especially assholes who think they can say shit when they don't even bother to talk to you.”

You smile wide. Fuck. “Oh my god, Tadashi! Kei loves meeee!”

He blushes and pushes you. “Fuck off, no one even likes you.”

You wrap him in a hug and he's groaning the whole time, but Tsukishima Kei loves you. 

Thankfully, it's friday. Which means you're not going to think about school for the next two days.

Unfortunately, Tadashi is dragging you to a party. Originally, he was only taking you because Kei refused to go. But now there's a change in plans.

You're whining into the phone, “Tadashiiii, if Kei is going then why do I have to??”

A voice, who is most certainly not your sweet freckled baby, answers instead, “Because your stupid boyfriend,” “I dont have a boyfriend, Kei” “is going to be there, and my job is to piss him off.”

“Why do you live off of chaos? What do you get out of it?”

“Pissing people off is one of my favorite pastimes, midget. Get ready.”

And the mother fucker hangs up on you.

One of these days, you swear you're going to kick him right where it hurts the most. 

You walk into the party, Tadashi holding your hand and Kei's hand on your back. It's nice. It's comfortable. You feel like everyone thinks you’re fucking them both. You're not. They’re fucking each other, but that’s a whole other thing you’re not going to get into.

Tadashi goes to get some drinks and Kei takes you to a wall and cages you in.

You blink up at him so prettily, he thinks, if he wasn't in love with his boyfriend, you would've been his next one.

“Kei?” You say so softly and he smirks like the demon he is.

“Saw dumb, dumb and dumbest playing beerpong. I think one of them saw you, so I’m just doing my friendly duty and pissing him off.”

You roll your eyes good naturedly at him and see Tadashi making his way over to you guys.

“Yummy! Give me, give meee!”

Tadashi smiles at you so sweetly and leaves a soft kiss on your forehead.

“I love you, sweetheart!”

“Babe, I'm gonna blush, you womanizer!”

He blushes at that. Tadashi is much too sweet for your teasing but you love seeing how red he can be.

“Shut up, you little brat!”

Suna noticed. He always notices you. He saw the moment you walked in. He narrowed his eyes the moment Kei caged you next to the wall. He also saw when Tadashi kissed you.

The math aint mathin, he thinks to himself.

Atsumu notices his glaring and wants to see what has Suna so angry. At a party.

Then he sees you and who you're with and he laughs in Suna’s face.

“What are you angry about? You never talk to her, idiot. Why don't you change that? Actually, lets go.”

He grabs Suna by his wrist, dragging him across the room to where you three are.

“Y/n! Hey! I didn't know you came to parties!”

You blink your pretty eyes towards them and you smile wide.

“Tsumu! I don't usually, but they wanted me to come and I love them so… Here I am!”

“What, you're not gonna say hi to me, too?”

Now. normally, you would blush and brush it off. But unfortunately, you got some liquid courage in your system because of Tadashi.

“Oh? What's this? Suna is actually making an effort in talking to me?”

You smile so cutely at him and his eyes widen. Is that a blush?

Before he can respond, Atsumu is laughing his ass off.

“She’s got a fuckin point there, Suna!”

“Shut the fuck up, Tsumu. Whose side are you on anyway?”

“Obviously, Y/n’s side.”

You start laughing loudly at their interaction. Kei has a tight grip on your waist and Suna is glaring at the offensive hand.

“You got a staring problem, Suna?”

You glance up at Kei and see a mischievous fire in Kei’s eyes.

“Can you be nice for two seconds, Kei?”

“He's glaring at my hand. Am I supposed to say nothing?”

“Maybe you're just imagining it, hmm?” You say sweetly to him.

He’s about to tell you how stupid you are when someone speaks up, “Hey, Y/n. You wanna go outside? Me and Tsumu are gonna go get some fresh air.”

Kei raises a brow at that, “What, just Y/n? Not us?”

“Nope.” He says, popping the p extra loud.

“Yeah, sure. It's stuffy in here. I'll be back okay? Try not to murder anyone. Love you, bye!”

You make your way outside and find a nice little secluded spot.

It feels so much better than being inside a cramped party where everyone is breathing the same air.

“Wow, it feels so nice out here, huh?”

You have such a pretty little smile all Suna wants to do is kiss you until you're giggling just for him.

“You're really touchy with your friends, aren't you Y/n?”

To your utter surprise, it's not Atsumu who is talking to you.

Atsumu is trying to hold back his cackle; sometimes Suna is too blunt for his own good.

“Hmm, I guess so. I've also known them forever, so it's natural for me to be like that with them. Why, you jealous, Suna?”

You're sitting down squished between Suna and Atsumu and it's giving you butterflies.

Suddenly, Atsumu’s phone is ringing.

“Fuck, its Samu.”

“Yeah? What's up? What? Why did you leave, you stupid… Alright. Stop. Osamu, stop, I'll be right there. Jesus.”

“Sorry, guys. Osamu is drunk and is attempting to walk home alone for whatever reason. I'm gonna go get him. See you guys later?”

“Hopefully! Let me know when he's safe, okay, Tsumu?”

“Yeah, of course, sweetheart!”

You blush, Atsumu has never called you sweetheart before.

Suna knew he was a fucking liar and only doing it to get a reaction out of him. Fucker.

He clears his throat, “We’re friends, aren't we, Y/n?”

You hum, thinking over what he's asking. “Are we, Suna? How can we be friends when you never speak to me?”

You smile oh so sweetly at him and he wants to bite it off of your face.

“We’re talking now, aren't we?”

“I suppose we are, Suna…”

“Call me Rintaro.”

You stammer at his bluntness, “O-okay… Rintaro…” It feels like candy on your tongue.

You’re so fucking cute, he thinks.

“Are you shy? Like a cute little… bunny.”

You stare up at him, eyes wide, face red.

“B-bunny?! Do you go around calling all unsuspecting girls, bunny, Mister Rintaro?”

“Nah. Just the cute ones named Y/n.”

“You're very bold for someone who I just became friends with, aren't you, Rin?”

He puts an arm around you and pulls you closer.

“But, you're so cute, bunny. I can tell you like the nickname. Should I keep calling you bunny? Hmm?”

You're trying to fight the heat on your face, but he's so cute. His words make your insides jelly and you want to kiss him.

“Should I keep going, bunny? Or go back to Y/n?”

You whine at him, “Noooo, Rin…”

Suna can’t help but think how cute you are. He can't help but want to pull more reactions out of you. He manhandles you onto his lap and you're squirming around a little too much.

“Watch it, bunny. If you don't stop you're gonna make this hard for the both of us.”

You stop squirming and cover your face with your hands trying to fight off your blush and embarrassment.

“Rintaro! You can't just say shit like that!”

“Oh? So you want me to get hard? Bunny, you're nasty, aren't you?”

He wraps his hands around your back and snuggles you right next to him so he can whisper naughty things into your ear.

“Bunny, if you wanted me that's all you had to say. I'm all yours, yeah?”

He brings his mouth to plant sweet kisses onto your neck and you're so embarrassed and in shock this is happening to you, you don't react immediately.

Then you feel his teeth sinking into your skin and you let out a breathy moan.

“Oh? What's this? You like being bitten, little bunny?”

“S-shut up, Rin…”

He huffed a laugh against your skin and continues to kiss and nibble at you. He's determined to mark you up so everyone can see just who you belong to.

He moves his hands so they are under your clothes touching your soft skin and it feels so good to have him touching you like this.

“Rin, more, please…”

And who is he to say no to a pretty little bunny?

He gives you the sweetest kiss which is all the warning you get before he's thrusting his tongue into your mouth.

You moan into the kiss and he soaks it up. Your tongues are battling and you've never experienced such euphoria in your life. If you could die right now you would be happy.

He removes himself from your mouth and you whine out a protest.

“Hush, bunny. Open up, yeah?”

You look at him questioningly but do as he says anyway. You open your mouth wide and loll your tongue out just a little bit and he groans at his obedient little bunny.

He stares you dead in the eyes and slowly drops some of his spit into your mouth.

“Don’t swallow until I tell you to, bunny.”

He watches the way his spit runs down into your throat and his dick swells tremendously.

“Okay, sweet baby. Swallow for me, yeah?”

You start to grind down onto his clothed cock and, fuck, it feels so good.

He grabs your hips and helps you rub your tiny little cunt all over him.

“Feel good, bunny? Hmm?”

“Y-yes Rin, feels so good… More…”

“More? Here, bunny? Are you sure?” He laughs into your skin.

You're so delirious with lust it doesn't really occur to you where you are, just that you need to feel him inside you.

“Are you sure bunny? I don't know if your little cunt can take me like this…”

You pout at him, “I can do it, daddy…”

He stiffens at the name. That's new.

“Daddy, please…”

Suna is pretty sure you have no idea what you're saying to him but how can he deny you when you're begging him so sweetly?

“Alright, pretty bunny, let daddy take care of you, yeah?”

Your eyes sparkle in utter happiness and he's struck back for a second. You're going to be the death of him, he thinks.

He goes to move your panties to the side and scoffs. As if he could even call these panties. It's basically a piece of string covering your little cunt.

So, he rips them in two.

“Rintaro! You can’t just rip my fucking underwear!”

You’re pouting at him and, fuck, he wants to shove his cock down your sweet little mouth. Another time, perhaps.

“Hush, baby. I'll buy you more. Not that it was covering much anyway.”

You're about to give him an earful before he's shoving a finger into your sopping cunt.

“Wow, bunny. You're soaked. Is this all for little ol me?”

He's leisurely pumping a long, thick finger in and out of your cunt and it has your thighs quivering.

“Yes, Rin, all for you, always for you,” you cry into his neck.

And all too soon he's taking his finger out and you look into his eyes and watch as he sucks your arousal off of his finger.

“Alright, bunny. Take my cock out.”

You're reaching down to his jeans and just seeing his bulge makes your cunt throb. Fuck, you cannot wait to have it inside you.

You slowly take his cock out and of course it's big and pretty just like him. Can't really say you're surprised about it.

He watches you as your eyes widen in excitement and softly stroke his pretty cock.

“You like what you see, bunny?”

You don't even spare him a glance while you lick your lips and nod softly. You very much do like what you see.

“Alright, sweetheart. It's gonna be a tight fit. Are you sure you want this here?”

“Yes, yes. Rin, please, daddy, please if you don't shove your dick inside me soon I will explode!”

He laughs at your word vomit. You're just so unbearably cute and there is no way in hell he can ever deny you.

“Alright, sweet bunny. Get ready, okay?”

Even when hes about to fuck your brains out, you cant believe how sweet he actually is.

He spits on his dick and lifts you up ever so slightly so he can slip the head inside your quivering hole.

Not that he needed the extra lubrication, he just wanted to make sure it was extra sloppy.

The fat head of his cock makes its way past your folds and you close your eyes with a silent, open mouthed moan.

“Shh,” he coos at you, “look at my sweet little baby, taking my cock raw. Does it hurt, bunny?”

He thinks he hears you growl more at him and he chuckles into the night.

And then he’s sinking you lower and lower and lower, until he's inside you.

All of him is inside you and, fuck, he wants to live in your cunt.

“You take me so well, sweetheart. Were you made for me? Is this cunt made only for me?”

You're babbling a symphony of yes, more, all for you daddy and it's doing everything in his power to not pound you like an animal.

“Rin,” you whine into his ear, “if you dont start moving now im going to walk away and never look back you stupid-”

He grabs your hips and lifts you till he's barely inside you and slams you down onto him.

You're squeezing him so tight, your cunt fluttering around his cock and he's trying not to finish right then and there.

“You're on top bunny, come on, show me, help me out, yeah?”

You can't hear anything; you just have this raw, vicious need for his cock to split you in half.

You start moving up and down as hard as you can and it's the most beautiful feeling you've felt in months.

He's helping you so he reaches a little deeper, you are involuntarily squeezing his shaft, so lost in pleasure.

No one has ever fucked you like Suna Rintaro is currently fucking you.

You're pretty sure no one else will ever measure up to him.

He's sucking hickies all over your unblemished neck, a feral growl in him knowing he's the one who's gonna have his marks all over your precious body.

“S’at feel good, baby? You like when I bite your neck and slam you on my thick cock, bunny?”

“Yes, daddy, yes I love it so much, please more!”

And then he really puts you to work.

He's slamming you down onto him as hard as he can. Your heady arousal is absolutely soaking him. It's so filthy and nasty and perfect and you wouldn't have it any other way.

“God, fuck. You're perfect, bunny. Touch your sweet little clit for me?”

You're so lost in pleasure you don't hear him through the haze of your arousal.

He growls into your ear, “Touch your fucking clit and make yourself cum on my cock or you’re never getting this dick again, bunny.”

You whimper out into the night sky and sluggishly move your hand to your poor, throbbing clit.

You press your finger gently onto it before matching suna’s rough pace.

“God, how can you get any fucking tighter. Its like fucking a virgin, at this point.”

Which makes you rub your clit faster, “Daddy, daddy, please m so close, wanna cum all over your pretty cock!”

He wraps a pretty hand around your throat and demands, “Cum, bunny.”

You cum so hard you see white.

You're moaning and he shoves his tongue into your mouth.

Your cunt is fluttering around his so fucking deliciously he cant help but slam you down one last time and fill your guts with his semen.

You're still shaking in his arms from your orgasm and he just holds you and kisses you through it until you finally relax.

You blink up at him, trying to get some clarity in your eyes.

“Either you're an angel, or you're sent straight from hell. How can the best fuck of my life be at some shitty college party?” You ask him. And then it hits you.

“OH MY GOD, Suna! Why did you let us fuck at some shitty college party?!”

He laughs loudly at you.

“Bunny, you asked. I delivered. Shouldn't you be thanking me?”

“Oh, yes. Thank you so much, Suna-sama, for defiling me at a nasty frat party!”

“Baby,” he smiles mischievously, “anything for you.”

You're laughing into his skin when all of a sudden someone is throwing a towel? at your head.

“Hey, what the fuck-”

You turn to look at the offending fucker and you just see a blushy Tadashi and smirking Kei.

“Kei! Tadashi!” And then you remember Suna’s softening cock is still inside you.

“I cannot believe you nasty fucks couldn't wait until you were at someone’s house. Outside of a party. You're kidding.”

“Shut the fuck up, Kei. Mind your business!”

Suna pulls you protectively to his chest.

Kei laughs at him and rolls his eyes, “Relax lover boy, Tadashi is all the ass I need.”

Tadashi turns into an even blushier mess and hisses at him, “Kei! You don't have to be so lewd!”

They're turning to leave when Kei graces you with a parting gift.

“Good job, Y/n. It only took you 4 years to talk to your crush.”

Fuck. You're going to murder him in his sleep. You know where he lives. You have his key.

“What does that mean, bunny?”

You groan into his chest; you were hoping to avoid this topic forever if you could.

“Ughhhhh, I saw you when you played against Karasuno at nationals and I've just kind of had a crush on you since then,” you say really fast hoping he'll drop it.

Unfortunately, he does not drop it. 

“Well, I guess I have a lot of time to make up for then, don't I, sweet bunny?”

Your heart flutters and you place a heart stopping kiss to his soft lips.

“Can we go now?”

You laugh and yeah. You guess you’re kind of glad you came to this stupid frat party and had a class with Suna Rintaro.

[idiotwhotalkstoomuch]

I never expected you guys to like demon Senjuro so much lol I’m really happy to see that like it was such a random impulse thought but the au has a lot of room for growth

In this post Im gonna establish a few things about what happened to Senjuro and Kyojuro in the events between Senjuro’s “death” and the pillar meeting. I will only cover their relationship and a little bit of Senjuro’s relationship with Tanjiro. The others can come at a different post cause this post is gonna be long lol so I put it under cut cause no one really wants a post to flood their dash

TW: Mentions of death (some are children), mentions of cannibalism (If you’ve seen even the first episode of demon slayer and had no problem, you’re fine with this post. This post is slightly not anime only friendly as I make references to an upper moon and I show a manga only panel as of posting this) Shnjuro gets really depressed but luckily there is no attempted suicide

Senjuro Rengoku

- His class was at the bottom floor and they were cleaning the school (I heard thats a thing in Japan if someone has a better idea on what they’re doing feel free to shoot an ask) when they got attacked

- In canon we dont know his age but I’m gonna guess like 12-14 but in the au he is 13 so he was 12 when he became a demon. A rogue demon attacked Senjuro’s class and Senjuro ran to get help and was fatally injured but still managed run to get help as he was given a nichirin sword and even if it didnt change color he must have known breathing techniques at the very least on a basic level and the demon was too preoccupied with some of the teachers and others trying to kill the demon, of course unaware of what it was except for Senjuro

- Upper moon 4 was sneaking around when he saw the all but dead body of Senjuro and demons really dont have standards for turning people into demons so when he noticed he was alive, turned him into a demon mostly so that if he did find any “evil people” (demon slayers) he could use him as his meat shield alongside his personalities

- When Senjuro woke up as a demon (cause even if he was a breath user he was very inexperienced so Hantengu had no problem making him a demon), he had no memory of his life as a human and looked around trying to find a human to satiate his hunger and saw a human in the distance with someone and began to run to them to satiate his hunger when he felt himself being held back. 

- The spirit of Ruka Rengoku gently held her son back and instructed him to not eat humans as that’s not something he should do and even if Senjuro couldn’t recognize the woman holding him back, he found himself obeying her and running to go to a place to hide from the sun

- From that moment on for a few day he would hop from place to place whether underneath homes, in caves or any place he could find to avoid being seen and to be shielded from the sun and found himself growing sleepy so in the cave he hid in, far away from the place he was last in, he closed his eyes and fell asleep for a year

- When he woke up, he had unwittingly burnt away Muzan’s control of him and was unsure on what to do when Ruka’s spirit appeared again telling him that he needs to find his way home. Senjuro wasn’t actually listening to a lot of what she said except one thing stuck to him. 

- “Senjuro”, he didn’t know what his name was as a demon but the name seem to stick to him and he figured this must be his name (he would of course be correct)

- When he found himself staying with the Kamaboko squad, having been spared despite being a demon due to him not having any form of aggression to them (something they all noticed due to his general demeanor and their enhanced sense) and Tanjiro could smell he hadnt eaten one human and he invited him to join them. He joined Nezuko in her box (she can grow really really tiny if she wants or is tired)

Reference: 

Kny chapter 85

- He joined for two reasons: One, he was really scared of people and demon slayers especially so when Tanjiro offered him the chance to be able to be safe and hide he took it. Secondly, he wasn’t sure but the smile Tanjiro gave and his warm reassurance reminded of him of someone, when he thought hard he only saw blurry shadows and got a headache so didn’t try to push it

- Tanjiro did ask him in the wisteria house while Zenitsu was chatting with Nezuko and Inosuke was off being Inosuke about his past and Senjuro told him about his brief meetings with a woman with black hair and asks if they’ve met before as he feels familiar

- This is where he gets the idea that the woman with black hair (Ruka) is his mother and Tanjiro guesses that the person that he thinks is Tanjiro must be his father (right on the first part Tanjiro but wrong on the second lol, you tried)

- He wears a cyan yukata with a new hakama pants as the clothes he was previously wearing was the same bloodstained clothes he wore after turning into a demon and Tanjiro didnt want to leave him in that. Tanjiro thought to get him a gag but the idea made Senjuro uncomfortable so Tanjiro made him swear to never eat a single human

- In Mount Nagatumo, he was too scared to jump out to protect Tanjiro like Nezuko but when she gets sliced up he leaves the box to watch her while Tanjiro fights Rui, unfortunately he is caught in Rui’s webs like Nezuko and was saved from it by Nezuko flames (though it did burn him a fair bit, Nezuko would apologize to him for this later)

- Giyuu doesn’t kill Senjuro cause his resemblance to Kyojuro despite the different clothes and demon eyes is clear to anyone who can see and Shinobu also finds herself hesitating but shakes those feelings off as Kyojuro deserves better than to see his little brother as a demon. Luckily Giyuu stops him and Senjuro runs with Nezuko and Tanjiro but is later taken back to the demon slyer corps by a Kakushi who put him and Nezuko back in their box

- When Sanemi stabbed the box, he moved to try and protect Nezuko but the box was too cramped and they both got stabbed despite his efforts. Later when he tries to bait him with his marechi blood, he’s too focused on resisting the blood and on Nezuko who he had grown to see as a sister to care about the wide eyed looks the pillars were giving him.

Kyojuro Rengoku (I am so sorry in advance Kyojuro simps I put this man THROUGH IT)

- He had just finished a mission and was going to get another mission when a crow he hadn’t seen work in years came flying to him, obviously panicked telling him how Senjuro’s school was attacked and how no one can find Senjuro among the bodies. The crow was Shinjuro’s

- When he hears that, all the kakushi and other demon slayers present would say they had never seen the flame pillar run so frantically, he only stopped to apologize briefly if he bumped into someone while running but the only thing racing in his mind was his little brother who had no weapon to defend himself with. He forced the image of his brother being nothing but a corpse away only thinking about saving Senjuro

- When he reached the school, he forced himself to calm down. Panicking isn’t going to magically bring Senjuro to him so he needs to keep himself in check because with so many people dead, he’s not the only one concerned over the kids

- There were no survivors on the area that was attacked, the police were there investigating the deaths of the many children and teachers, Kyojuro had to spend time convincing the police he was with them and to be allowed to investigate as well

- With no survivors, he heard from the police that there was a blood trail when they got there and he went to find the trail, when he reached the end of it where there were no traces of Senjuro but since the people there were untrained civilians, Senjuro was the only possible person to have been there

- He spent multiple days searching, Mitsuri was at one point sent to check on him and it was clear he was pushing himself, as days passed by, his composure and bright demeanor were crumbling and he started latching onto any lead to at the very least find the body of Senjuro to take back home but it was becoming clear that he would never find it and a kakushi had to be the one to tell him that his body was likely eaten to the bone or eaten and discarded to either rot away or eaten by someone else

- Kyojuro took a week off, not just because of the grief he felt at that moment but because he needed to check on his father and make sure he would be okay, the man didn’t even face Kyojuro when he came in to visit, he forced himself to not cry in front of his father as he tried to talk to the man who couldn’t even say a word and just drank away even as his eldest son tried to talk to him

- Servants were hired to monitor Shinjuro by Kyojuro as he was concerned about his health both physically and mentally but he did notice how Shinjuro never resisted to being taken care of by the people he hired. They reported to him he could be heard muttering Senjuro’s name and even stares at his room for extended periods of time

- When he made his return, he apologized to the pillars for his behavior the past two weeks (even though no one blamed the man, some even said it was okay if he needed more time, they wouldn’t judge) but whenever he was told that he said he had to be strong to protect the weak so he could be someone that could stop families from ending up like his own

- He was far more determined in killing demons, demon attacks had become personal to him now, whenever he saw a demon eating people he found himself wondering what they must’ve thought in the afterlife as the demon desecrated their bodies

- In the pillar meeting, when he was informed of a swordsman who travelled with not one but two demons, he felt disgust as who knows how many humans they could eat. On the way to the meeting, he couldn’t help but notice Shinobu deliberately avoiding him a bit, Giyuu was doing the same but the man never really talked with them much to begin with

- When he saw Senjuro go out of the box with Nezuko, he felt the smile on his face drop and his heart practically sunk to the core of the earth as he saw the unmistakable hair of a Rengoku and the face was so clearly Senjuro’s despite his eyes having a black sclera and his iris and pupil becoming cat like, the pillars had all turned to see if the flame pillar was alright and he could hear Himejima mutter prayers and Mitsuri was on the verge of tears seeing Senjuro alive but as a demon

- He found himself going into denial until Tanjiro, who had been freed as Obanai left to comfort the distressed love pillar, ran and yelled Senjuro’s name and told him to resist his hunger

- “My sister and the other demon with us are different! They would never eat a human!”

- Senjuro was a good kid, he was innocent, kind and a bit on the timid side. He had helped raise him, he knew Senjuro would never want to harrm a fellow human even when threatened.