#i physically cant draw anymore
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#a doodley#i cant draw his hair shine anymore without thinking abt the ask saying it was so Rooster#so trueeeee my rooster boyyy *sobbing*#also always torn bc i like drawing haggard talon with big ears but i think fed talon wld have bigger ones ykwim#like when kittens have huge ears to grow into#also while im rambling here i wanna restructure his whole history again#vampirism being the result of a curse and negatively affecting him in a way he'll have to carry for the rest of his long immortal life#as well as forgoing feeding to Age and him physically feeling the ails of aging isn't enough...#im trying to conjure up smthng else that wldve happened to him in one of the worst times in his life but thats hard bc i cant explore it to#much bc the subject matter makes me sad LOL and also dont want to seem like those ppl who throw in stuff like that gratuitously
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#not to complain ab the same stuff i always complain ab#but my artblock is soooo bad . its so bad and frustrating and limiting and demotivating#because instead of being able to draw whatever whenever i feel like im chained to random bursts of inspiration#that i cant manifest just by willing it so yk. and imlike why…#so many ppl who draw whether for their job or for their hobby seem to be able to do it whenever#and its like yeah i could put pen to paper rn but theres such a mental disconnect that its not enjoyable anymore#dude its so whateverr😭😭 like its so made up and ik its just a psychological thing but it feels so physically .Hard#rrrgwgqq#like i try to maintain the habit by drawing stuff out even w no end in mind#but that also stresses me out bc its likeIDKK idk#silly tbh#seeing all of this art arnd me all the time > online and stuff is so nice and inpsiring#and it makes me want to do that too but i legitcannot . like i am being squished by a boulder and my hands are chained to 30lb weights#whatfreakign ever dude .like whateverrr#i want to grind my brain 2 a pulp . honestly🙌#like what do u mean u cant u literally just do it.but im the one exception to that
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sigh. i should be answering asks but instead im drawing porn.
#sleeptalk ᶻ 𝗓 𐰁#who said that#pls hit me with a frying pan or something#i dont know how to draw anymore i forgor#seeing others draw self ship naughty thingys is okay AND I LOVE IT !!!!!!!#me ? no i cannot for thee love of god i cant#im shaking i would rather die probably T_T#how do u guys do this#laying my pencil down and retreating to my sfw chambers#seems like i'll have to continue reading smut instead or drawing it because i physically cannot#i cant even think abt sex with Him . these thoughts will stay in my head forever im too shy what the fuck#im not built for this#i give up lol
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fdushahfdsiua I kinda really hate this BUT the sketch had been in my draft bin for so long I had to finish it outta obligation so have pheonix alejandro ig idkk
I liked it better when it was a sketch
luckily this only took like an hour lol but hey at least i finally bought those batteries
#td alejandro#total drama au#sort of#not really#it'd be funny if he fell into lava and just rose full bird and then he and Noah kissed#oh wait this isn't an alenoah post shit#This man haunts me i physically cant NOT draw him anymore#like seriously i really want to draw scott or mike or anyone from ROTI but I have like 40 alejandro/noah/alenoah drafts to finish#+ my pahkitew island of the slaughtered drafts#and my ezekiel worship#its joever for me#no more japarty#ok its really late i should stop now#total drama#total drama world tour
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neurodivergent struggle of having your art skills just. vanish. whenever.
#they were amazing yesterday. then i physically couldnt stay up to draw more so i went to sleep and now i cant draw anymore#fptext
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Just here fuming at the fact that my doctor told me "at least your joints aren't being damaged, they just hurt" bcos my tests came back clean despite my loss of dexterity and mobility. "I hope you get off the rhumatologist wait list soon, have a good day" *unhinged screaming*
#ARE YOU SURE MAN???#like i can barely hold a pencil anymore because my hands dont work anymore#I USED TO DRAW AND WRITE ON A DAILY BASIS#how is this not my joints becoming damaged????#my lack of dexterity is not caused by pain#i physically cant move my fingers like i used to anymore#vent#chronic pain#chronic illness#disability#joint pain#my fucked up hands
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NO BUT I WOULD JUST DRAW THEM. I LOOKED AT THEM AND THOUGHT THEY LOOKED COOL. AND THEN I DREW THEM. WHAT HAPPENED TO ME
#paper is talking#Bro now i can draw anythig#Bro i used to draw so much#Bro#bro bro#Cookies are so easier#I wanna go back to the cookies but i just physically cannot play the game anymore#Idk what happened#like.#wtf#same thing for hsr too.#I feel like i would like the hsr story so much more than genshin but i just cant play the game for the life of me#Sigh sigh
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today my computer has felt in a pranksty mood ! it felt funny and goofy and decided to not let me save anything and when i tried to open my file it said it was corrupted or didnt exist...☺️☺️ hours... of work...☺️☺️ and just a few days ago it deleted multiple hours of work on another file ! ☺️☺️
dear computer🩷 i will put you in the microwave throw you at a wall and crush you
#not art#i simply do not because its the only thing i have to draw digitally#(drawing with finger is physically crippling . genuinely cannot do it anymore)#once i get a replacement i will do all of the things listed#i would be more appreciative if this thing was like. old. no. its been like this since brand new isnt that lovely#truly my favorite part of eveyday. being delayed by hours of work because computer felt funny🥺🥺/s#if i didnt save my files to a cloud server constantly i would cry myself to sleep thankfully all of these damages were fizable#but still a hassle WHEN I ACCIDENTALLY FORGET TO UPLOAD IT BECAUSE IM IN FOCUS#god forbid i trust my computer with any of my files#its a miracle it even runs clip studio paint#it fights to do basic tasks#previous computer of previous specs could do all of them well btw not an issue by the specs ITS TBE COMPUTER!!!!#random rant but as equally as i share with yall the joys of art. i will share with you the rage towards the machine i make art with#(computer) (because tablet counts as machine probably i do love you always graphic tablet. you could do no wrong baby)#YEAH MY COMPUTER ALSO MESSES WITH MY TABLET'S DRIVER SABOTAGING MY DAUGHTER#LEAVE HER ALONE#my daughter the graphic tablet and her brother the computer#computer does not get son title#funny thing all the files are on a separate usb because the computer is so bad it cant have anything on its actual system#YET IT STILL PLAYIN WITH IT LEAVE IT ALONE?????
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ookkkay chapter is WRITTEN and UPLOADED now i'll go to a birthday. goodbye. hopefully you won't see me reblogging stuff but if we're being real....
#line's lines#if my phone is bby my side then the idiots will draw me to them....that's just physics#also tell me if u liked it i cant tell anymore#poured over it for too long#this teapot is empty#will now fill it with aperol
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guy who lied about not having the energy for artfight
#et cetera#only not drawing another thing bc its like 10pm and i cant physically sit in drawing position anymore
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#letting go. rather. been doing things in a day lately.#if it goes past 2 days im not allowing it. bc i need to stop obsessing over everything.#so ofc i took the time to have my daily doodle be bullshit as always.#i do need a break tho. pain bad. very bad. need to charge up bc this month is fucking busy. need to stop drawing .#ghost stories quote popped up in my head with this one. it is what it is.#irony of this one. forced myself to draw something about trying to quell the Perfectionist demon in a single day.#acceptable.#fk#m fk#c-c fk#i honestly cant remember the last time my pain was at a 6 or lower. its just been. 7-9 range for months now. im miserable. its whatever. i#kind of doubt i'll ever be that low again at this rate. its like. 2020 all over again. i cant. take it.#kinda hopeless but still here unfortunately#future isnt scary. its terrifying. its petrifying. dont want to live in this much pain anymore#sigh.#thats why doodles done in one day are good. less stress on drawn-out things.#hard for me tho.#ngl tho i found it unreasonably funny drawing this. i was quite physically cracking up imagining like. ok. youre quite literally choking to#death. and your face is all red. but only one half on account of the Syndromes. idk. idk why i found that so comical. i couldnt contain#my shit. so much so that i almost became the very picture i was drawing. bc i began to choke on the pizza i was eating. only for a#fleeting second. but still. saw my life flash b4 my eyes.#also a firm believer that pretentious artists are fucking stupid and annoying and at times quite ableist. and i personally revel in how i#literally am just like.oh. my anatomy i drew looks fucked up? botched hands? flat collar? asymmetrical eyes? like jokes on you. those thing#in my irl LEGIT are like that so technically my 'wrong/bad' anatomy is correct. suck it. however me drawing the brachial region vs me#drawing anything else is silly.#bc the amount of knowledge i have for the anatomy there specifically in comparison is so much more vast. so like i hyper render collars#and necks. meanwhile whenever i try and draw anything else im crying bc its such a struggle due to the fact that i dont fucking understand#how these other places work.
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the owl house finale was homophobic as hell, imagine going full titan magical girl and ur gf doesnt even get to see it #love loses
#owl house spoilers#ive only casually watched the show and its been At Least a year since ive seen most of it so i forgot a lot of shit#That Said#i never want to hear another word about what a hot mess the s/u finale is because My God#say what you will about the MoralityTM of it all but at least i understood what was literally physically happening#like a solid 20% of this was just incomprehensible#like??? when luz DISINTEGRATES into little orbs of light one would PRESUME that she died#but then one of the soul orbs lands in portal goo and she has a body again?? and we're told that she ISNT dead#but like. why not#what IS she then#never explained#and like luz's friends can't use magic when belos is possessing the titan which okay magic comes from the titan#titan is evil now#that means no magic aside from glyphs I Guess#but like. the glyphs are ALSO connected to the titan#luz just has to draw them out bc she isnt naturally a witch#if magic doesnt work glyphs shouldnt work either#which also makes the .2 minutes at the end when luz cant use glyphs anymore#but regular magic works fine#ALSO not make sense#and that doesnt explain why the COLLECTOR'S magic was gone and then suddenly back again#bc his isnt connected to the titan at all#i guess it was the philip goo?? but his magic stopped BEFORE he got gooped#AND he was able to use his magic while said goo was actively trying to disintegrate him later so???#its a cute show and the finale had some good moments but like. babygirl What is going on#also lol i meant to post this hours ago but left and forgot#here we are now
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Help i lost the i want to make stuff
#I CANT DRAW ANYMORE#AND I CANT WRITE EITHER#which means im going to have to fall back on my emergency preventive#making shit physically#TIME TO GET THAT SHOEBOX FROM 2 YEARS AGO
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genuinely feel like ive been going crazy the last few nights
#lonely to the point of it being physically painful#ive talked to two people today and one of them was a cashier. LOL#but i dooontt knowwww how to make friends anymore because i dont have any interests to bond over#everything that used to give me any dopamine has been starting to just bounce off my brain and do nothing#including drawing so i can barely force myself to draw anything but drawing is the only way i can get people to like me#all i do is go to work and come home and sit at my desk and do nothing and then go to bed and repeat#body keeps giving me new possible health problems to be constantly stressed about but i cant afford to be seen for#too tired to do anything interesting dont have anyone to do things with dont even really have a family anymore#my mom hasnt even responded to my message telling her i went on t. which hurts because she was the parent i was closest to growing up#not to be dramatic but ohhh my fucking god dude oh my goddd oh my goooddddd whats the point#i cant beg people to care but im going fucking nutso crazy insane insane insane insane insane without it#going to bed
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WHERE DID MY CREATURE GO (OLD PIC)
I GOTTA FIND HER!!!!
#oh man idr the artists name i have the card in my scrap book hhhhh#lemme see real quick...#chevatewa#i glued the card down lmao i cant see the socials links without lifting it out the book#looks like the artist is doing tattoos these days nice#didnt know them beyond buying this creature during the school fair#i THINK i know where I put it but i dont have the back energy to pull those drawers out#had to leave her behind when i tried moving out lol i have no reason to lock her away anymore#i even have a black light now (p sure thats uv paint)#i have so many cool things locked away. digitally and physically.#fuck it gonna go look for her now#i was gonna draw but i NEED to know#i need this funky lil creature around#Cori.exe#Image.exe
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is it weird to say i sometimes feel like im making art *too* quickly and *too* often? like. i see fellow artists or friends complain about how long its taking them, how often they get artblock, how they dont have time to draw. like it feels *strange* to pump out multiple finished pieces a week like its nothing, and then open discord and i see my friend fighting tooth and nail with a singular (albeit very impressive and detailed) piece for weeks on end. yknow, stuff like fully rendered metals, fabrics, animals, faces. all in one thing. idk. sometimes feels like my art is *too* simple and *too* easy to make
#chess shh#its a weird feeling i dont know how to describe#because im always very very enthusiastic about drawing. but even when i was in art SCHOOL i was deemed the odd one out for always drawing#my friends are all surprised at how i finish sketchbooks in 3 months tops while they cant finish even one for years#i guess when i love a thing i do it all the time until i physically cant do it anymore. and. art happened to be one of them#but i dont want to liken it to a special interest (even if it probably is based on. everything about me and my room and my possessions)#it doesnt feel like its an interest. it feels like it IS me.#like. the grass is green. the sky is blue. and i am an art. i am art because i create art and then the art i create helps creating me#its just always been this way. and for SOME stupid reason i feel like a little cunty freak for always making art so much. always drawing.#i literally physically itch to draw. my hands get twitchy and jittery if i get an idea and for some reason cant draw it in that exact momen#anyways. imposter syndrome i guess. idk.
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