#i probably shouldn't tag this cancer

[bitchriotsworld]

please tell me why i thought this meant the mcr song

[oveliagirlhaditright]

This whole train derailment thing in East Palestine, Ohio is so horrific.

And those toxic chemicals got into the Ohio River!

And I heard people saying that there was danger that it could possibly get into another body of water?

Apparently, this is going to affect 10% of the country's water supply, as things are? (According to one comment I saw, anyway.)

The place really has become the next Chernobyl, and everything has been handled so badly! (I feel if this had happened in a bigger state, that wouldn't have happened. And I strongly feel they should have evacuated everyone on day one.)

And no one's talking about it! In fact, at first they were covering it up and tried to arrest at least one reporter on the job of reporting the truth (finally more people are starting to discuss all of this, but still not as many as you would think. Especially with the massive ramifications this could have for so many!)

And why hasn't the president or any of the big wigs talked about this or done anything about it? Why didn't people in hazmat suits knock on the people in East Palestine's doors to tell them to evacuate when they finally did give them that order, instead of acting so blasé? You know if it was a place that people actually cared about, people would do so much more. I'm disgusted with my country.

[shiftingconfessions]

i wish more people where open about how ableist the shifting community can be tbh....

some if it's small, petty things like people shifting to DRS with disabilities they don't have here for the "aesthetic" (amputated/prosthetic limbs, partial blindness, scarring, etc) or purposely going to DR's where a canonically disabled character is no longer disabled. & like yeah, these things can be a little annoying but its not a big deal at all.

what IS an issue is refusing to accept that certain disabilities can make shifting difficult. what's also an issue is straight up denying the fact disability is real because shifting exists!!

like, trying to enter the void state is damn near impossible if you have chronic pain. trying to meditate when you have consistent jolts of pain bringing you out of your mind is hard! meditating with adhd is hard! & it shouldn't be hard, because im sure there are other methods, but no one seems to know about them or share them. instead, when scrolling through shifting tags looking for advice, i only see some variation of "there's no real reason you can't shift! stop making excuses, shifting is easy." i know its easy. at least, i know it would be easy if you could give some sort of tutorial or guide besides regurgitating the same 5 methods we've all already heard. im not even really angry that other people don't seem to have answers, that would be hypocritical. i don't have answers either! i've been looking, ive been getting there, but i still don't have an answer yet. i just wish more people admitted they don't have all the answers sometimes.

also... ive seen way too many people saying some form of "im grateful for shifting because i know i'll never become disabled!" or "if you have the right mindset, you can't ever get cancer!" or even "you can manifest your disability away!" I really, really, really hope i don't have to explain why all of these statements are false, not to mention how harmful & cruel they are.

Take this as someone who got cancer after praying to God nightly that i wouldn't. i wasn't immune, or an exception. as gently as i can possibly say this, neither are you. If you are in this reality, unexplainable & unfair illness, death, & tragedy can strike any time. I believed wholeheartedly (or one could say assumed) that my nightly prayers would keep me safe from illness, & I still developed cancer. I did not manifest it, nor did I manifest me recovering. It was probably just rotten luck. im not rambling about this to try & spark fear that you may get cancer too- you're gonna be fine. i just want to offer insight into other peoples lives & how very much not a choice disability is. Shifting is an amazing, infinite thing, but please do not be cruel. please don't forget compassion & humility.

.

[i-spaced-sorry]

Enjoy a nice little whatever this is for day 6 of the May Writing Challenge!

Grabbing his Sox hat, he stuffed the rest of his clothes into his backpack and zipped it up.

Stepping out in the early spring morning, he began his walk to the bus stop.

He really didn't want to leave if he was honest, but the yelling had gotten only worse since his mom got sick! It was like every little thing she did in his eyes she did wrong. And Will was no help, what with him spending nights couch surfing at different school friends' bedroom floors, claiming "sleepovers" or "late night studying sessions".

Last night had been the last straw! His mom got violently sick in the bathroom and ended up throwing up blood. After calling EMS and faking nicietes, the minute the front door shut, the smile plastered on his dad's face dropped and he began screaming at the only other person present in the room....Jay.

Jay knew he was taking out his anger in some way, but claiming it's your child's - your own flesh and blood's - fault your wife got sick because he - the child! - asked for her to help him make lunch for everyone is just messed up.

So, when he overheard that his mom was in the clear and her vitals were returing to what they were before, he ran.

He didnt know where he was running to until his feet led him to the steps of the 9th District Police Station. Taking a breath, he stood tall, adjusted the bag on his shoulders and walked inside.

At the front desk, was a brunette, who looked like she had been awake for 36hrs straight and was about ready to go home.

"How can I help you?" She asked with a tone of lack lusterness.

Jay, fiddled with the strings attached to the straps of his bag and looked at the name tag on the desk sergeant.

"Ms. Platt" he began. If his dad taught him anything right, it was to always address someone with Ms. or Mr.

"I need help. My dad is abusive to my mother who has cancer and is emotionally abusive to my older brother and I. I'm running away" (oh the innocence of a 9yr old who hasn't learned to lie).

Sergeant Platt knew CPS would have to do a welfare check to check if the boy was telling the truth, but she also knew that CPS would probably not find anything substantial since the boy says it's mostly a domestic abuse of a parent and emotional abuse on the kids. She also was well aware that as a sergeant it was well within her rights to bring the child right back to the home and when CPS gets brought in they will most likely use the fact that the child admitted to being a flight risk as a reason his word shouldn't be trusted.

After a beat, she smiled and stated, "let me get my friend down here and we can all chat, is that okay?"

Jay just nodded and then followed her into a back room.

"What's your name?" She asked while they waited for her friend to come.

"Jay"

And before they could dive further into conversation, her friend - detective Al Olinsky - walked in.

After explaining the situation to him, the 3 of them talked in great detail about what Jay has observed in his own home, about how his mother is doing physically and mentally, about where Will has been staying, and how Jay feels about everything regarding the matter. To Jay, he enjoyed the fact that they took what he was saying seriously since he knew they could have just put him in a Patrol car and driven him back to Canaryville.

"Okay Jay, I know that your 9, but you seem smart enough to know that CPS will have to do a welfare check to make sure your story aligns. But I know they will send you back into his care. So I'm giving you my card cause the second things turn ugly and Im telling you they will, especially since you have alerted authorities to what's happening, you call me!"

CPS later that morning drove Jay back to his house on 47th and Wallace and after a quick check they determined that Jay was in fact safe in the care of his father.

Later that night, Pat Halstead put his hands on his child and beat him senseless,. fanning "you want something to snitch about? Well now you have something to snitch about"

Once his father left him alone, he pulled the card out from his jeans pocket and dialed the number on the card.

Standing in front of the 21st District, Jay took a breathe, adjusted his bookbag, and opened the door.

"Hi, my name is Jay Halstead. I just transferred from the Guns and Gangs unit at District 5. I'm looking for where the Intelligence Unit is" he said as he walked up to the desk. The desk sergeant was a brunette who looked crabby and one look away from killing someone with just her glare.

"Intelligence Unit is that way" she started.

Then it clicked, "wait, did you say your name is Jay Halstead? As in Jay Halstead who ran away from home at 9 and ended up at the Bridgeport police station?"

Jay stood stunned, "Platt?" He asked as tears welled up in his eyes. All those years ago, with Platt and Olinsky believing him, he not only got out of that house, but also decided he wanted to be a cop.

"You have to go upstairs, you'll be surprised to see who is working in the unit!" Platt stated while she hugged him.

Walking up the final steps to the bullpen, Jay took in the scene in front of him. A set of 10 desks separated in groups of 2's, 4 of those sets in the center of the room and the rest pushed off the side. Seated in one of the desks off to the side next to the file cabinet was none other than the man who saved his life,

"Alvin Olinsky!" Jay breathed out!

All Al could do was just sit there stunned!

[astaraels]

✨W e e k l y 🌟 T a g 🌟 W e d n e s d a y✨

(so what if it's Sunday i do what i want!!!)

tagged by @softmick

Name: Leinth

Location: the bluegrass state

Astrological Sign: cancer

What's a TV show or movie you plan to re-watch this year? i feel like i'm gonna end up rewatching shameless since i'm working on the soulmates fic, but i'll probably also rewatch a bunch of my favorite documentaries as per the usual <3

Whats a book or fic you will probably re-read this year? i'm gonna finish my re-read of the camp half-blood series, probably also will re-read kane chronicles and magnus chase. i'd also like to re-read the old kingdom series by garth nix, it's been a while since i sank my teeth into those. (if you haven't read them you really should give them a shot, they're an absolute delight)

What is a song you will likely continue to play on repeat? bullet with butterfly wings by smashing pumpkins and last cigarette by mothica

What's a tasty treat you look forward to eating more of this year? i mean, ice cream? i have a limited palate so i eat a lot of the same stuff anyway...

What's a time sink that you will continue to sink time into this year? tumblr, but also hopefully more discord rp stuff with my wife

Did you pick up any habits in 2023 that you plan to continue? i managed to stop drinking as much as i used to, and while i feel okay about limited alcohol use, i think i'll try to continue substituting weed instead.

What's your toxic trait? thinking people don't like me when they don't answer. it's not personal, so i shouldn't take it as such!!! people are allowed to be offline if they want :p

What is a coping mechanism you will continue to indulge in this year? cannabis. they legalized it in ohio which is a much shorter drive for me than illinois!! so hopefully that will make it easier to indulge :p

Tell me something you like about how you look! i really like my eyes, they're stormy blue. i also really love my piercings and tattoos, i want more! and i love dyeing my hair funky colors, catch me thirty-five years from now dyeing my hair bubbblegum pink when i walk up with my medicare card lol

Give me at least three adjectives describing things you like about yourself. kind, fierce, intelligent.

-----------------------------------

tagging anyone who wants to do it!

[sassypotatoe1]

@wheatforme hi you said you wanted to look for more shelf stable foods in the tags on the post about weight gain in disabled people, and while I don't want to derail that post with this I do still want to help out so here's what I learned with the help of my former dietician.

For breakfast, cereal is a fantastic option. You'll get a ton of health nuts slamming breakfast cereals for being unhealthy but that's solely because of the sugar content. Most breakfast cereals on the market are not only cheap, shelf stable and delicious and less likely to trigger eating disorders like ARFID, but they're pretty packed with nutrients. You don't even need the fancy gross nutrition cereals froot loops have vitamins and minerals worked in to make it more nutritious for kids because of us fda regulations.

You can also eat breakfast bars, those are shelf stable and nutritious, but the portion sizes are iffy because you'll consume about twice the recommended portion before reaching satiety. That's not to say you shouldn't go over the recommended portion size, by all means eat until you are satiated, but if you are diabetic or have some other related health issues sticking to the recommended portion size might be better.

For lunch things like cracker bread, rice cakes, saltine crackers, dried fruit, protein bars and cookies are great. They're all shelf stable, you can buy them in bulk (enough for 3 months I'd say) and except for the dried fruit, if you take them out of the package and store them in air tight containers they'll hold.

Dried fruit you should ideally consume in a month tops, because it can still go bad faster than the rest, but it's very important to incorporate fiber and fruit sugars and vitamins into your diet so if fruit go bad in your house or you have arfid and differences in fruit texture triggers it, dried fruit is a fantastic shelf stable way to get those nutrients without things getting in the way.

You could also keep processed fruit juice, which a lot of health nuts will also slam but if you check the label thoroughly and it does contain adequate vitamins and minerals and fiber, it doesn't matter if it has preservatives that's a shelf stable nutrition source. Preservatives aren't evil and they very likely don't cause cancer there's just a small negligible chance that they might.

For dinner my favorite things to keep are frozen microwavable meals. Granted they're not as nutritious as fresh meals but they're still packed with nutrients so they're a good choice. They don't mess with your executive dysfunction because you literally take them out of the box while frozen, stab holes into the plastic top with a fork, put them in the microwave for 6 minutes (or however long the box says) and eat.

I also like to keep instant noodles, and not just ramen though that's pretty good snack-wise and I'll tell you in a bit why, I mean the packets of instant Mac and cheese, or pasta Alfredo, stuff like that. They're probably the least nutritious things in this entire post and they still have proteins, carbs, and calcium from milk. They're great for an energy boost when you haven't eaten in two days because nothing is appetizing and you couldn't get out of bed.

You literally throw it in a bowl, throw in milk, add boiling water and stir. Some of it you have to microwave for a few minutes, other kinds you boil on the stove for a bit, but it's quick and it's easy and it's a perfect boost when you need it.

Snack-wise I keep a huge party pack of chocolates, like pralines or wafer balls. I also keep chocolate spread and peanut butter, and both are fantastic on crackers. For instant ramen I like to get frozen cooked spinach, a big bag, and eggs. The eggs aren't shelf stable but I just use them when I have them. I make the ramen with a chunk of the spinach, and then I boil the egg, cut it up and put it in the ramen. It was the snack that kept me alive in my last year of university. It's got protein, spinach which is like a super food, and carbs. It's great.

Of course I also kept cheese and yogurt but like the eggs they were use when I had them items because my executive dysfunction didn't allow me to go shopping frequently enough to replace them as they ran out.

My real life saver though, quite literally in fact, was ensure nutrition shakes. It may be expensive but a can lasts 3 months if you drink a shake a day, and it's positively loaded with all the nutrients you could possibly need. I preferred the chocolate flavored one, but my brother liked vanilla and my university roommate liked banana.

I don't know what's available where you are, but a nutrition shake is fantastic if you struggle with executive dysfunction or arfid or both like me. You can, within limits, use it as a meal replacement. If I didn't eat for an entire day and didn't have energy to make even instant ramen I made myself a shake. You scoop 6 scoops into a tumbler, add a cup and a half of water, I used milk because I was trying to gain fat, and you shake all your frustrations out. Then you have a great tasting nutritious liquid meal.

Like I said though within limits. Nutrition shakes may have all the nutrients you need, but if you only consume that and not much else you could end up with dehydration, constipation or diarrhea, kidney problems, nausea, and excessive weight gain. One shake a day should be your cut off, and you have to consume something with a lot of fiber and a ton of water so your body can digest it properly.

That's all I have for you, though your preferences will be a lot of trial and error to see what works for you and what doesn't. I hope this helps!

[spaceorphan18]

Sorry if this is presumptuous, but have you considered finding a new job? This one is impacting your mental health in a really negative way and it doesn't seem to be getting better (at least not long term). Obviously you shouldn't quit, but if I were you, I'd be looking at other options.

Answering under a cut, just because it's personal, and easier to skip this way.

Okay, so I get it, and I do believe you're coming from a good place, Nonny. it's not an easy thing to watch someone you don't know constantly be negative about their life on the internet -- especially when there seem to be better options out there. I remember when I first joined fandom, I followed someone who just downward spiraled into a messy divorce and it was painful to watch and listen to. And you're just screaming -- just change x, y, or z - but it isn't always as simple as that.

Believe it or not - I actually love my job. I love running a bookstore, and it's my ultimate dream to run my own store someday. And being in the position that I'm in is a stepping stone towards being where I want to be. It is a temporary thing -- even if it'll take a few years, but I have to go through this.

My boss is difficult, but she's not the worst -- she's not even the worst boss I've had while working for the company. My anxiety comes more so from having issues in dealing with confrontation, issues with lack of self confidence, and needing to stand up for myself more than it is with her specifically. Are we ever going to be bff? No, we're not. But I will come out on the other end of this being a much better boss myself after learning from her.

I've had anxiety and mental health issues long before I got this promotion. I've had severe social anxiety (and a plethora of trauma resulting) ever since I was a child. I have a hard time navigating social situations no matter what it is.

There's a real possibility that there are other medical things going on. I've been going to the doctor frequently so we can make sure I'm on the right meds. And one thing that I do need to actually do is find a good therapist.

(I do agree -- one should get out of seemingly toxic situations, and probably on the outside, this feels toxic, I'm sure. But there's also a lot of this that's in my head.)

There are other things going on in my life that I'm also not really talking about -- my last grandparent is in the process of dying of cancer, and it's not fun. My brother is still in jail, and I haven't seen my nieces in five years. The world around us seems to be burning to the ground and half of humanity just does not care. It's easier to pile on one thing than get into the complexities of it.

I realize that putting out my issues into a public space seems like a cry for attention or something, but that's not why I do it. honestly. Tumblr has become a kind of safe space to put my thoughts where I can easily access them -- and it is a way to let the small group of people who know me more personally check in. It's honestly kind of therapeutic to write things out because it helps kind of work through what's going on. Also, the reason I put tags on it and put it under a cut is so the average joe follower (or the occasional pornbot who's now invested in the blog, can skip it if they like).

(And I'll reiterate, I do need to find another therapist at some point this year. What's stopping you? Oh, the social anxiety, definitely.)

Also, sometimes taking a nap, eating, taking care of yourself on a fundamental level, cleaning your space, and getting warmth and sunshine are all helpful, too.

Thank you, Nonny, this was rather therapeutic. :)

[harmcityherald]

Also a note to all my lovely followers, I may have a little bit off holding off the reblogging as I am writing my report and going through all the tags on my Tumblr and it becomes a scrolling nightmare. Soon enough we'll be back to normal around here. And we can carry on our wonderful party of Science Fiction, music and art and just general mayhem after this. I'm getting to realize that this is almost as big as any of my other gigantic hospital stays also it's going to become a little bit prolific bit of posts for my Tumblr page. Mostly I just feed things into the extruder and whatever pops out that's just the way it is and it's just an ongoing stream of everything that catches my attention and interests me and all this stuff that I love and all the thoughts that I have, whether you think they're crazy or not LOL is up to you. But no one will ever be able to contain me trapping me jail me or keep me in a box because of the way that I think or the things that I like. I'm almost saying this in a way because I kind of feel like maybe Dr diabolical will be crawling over the Internet about me, he certainly seemed to crawl pretty deep up into my chart because when he was arguing with me here he was bringing up a whole bunch of stuff from way long ago. And only being my doctor for a few hours he had had time to learn all of that so he went deep into my chart. He is a way more formidable enemy than Lieutenant dick. But I don't want to poison up this post as well with all of that bullshit. I just want to say things are going to be a little bit Rocky around here at harm City 0p0until it levels out and I'm back to my normal groove and then after that we will probably start a long running thing about the big Cancer Treatments that I'm hoping are right around the corner. I hate to think that anything that is happening right now might have a bearing on that. I certainly would hope that it would not because it certainly should not. Like I told Dr diabolical, no matter what my mental health status is it doesn't make any of that crap right. And it certainly shouldn't be used to decide whether I get a cancer treatment or not. So I take a deep breath and I don't worry about the big big worry. But I have to pay attention to this little detail before all of that might begin. You begin to feel bad you know, you don't want anybody to lose their job in a way but somebody so menacing and dangerous and sounding so horrible like that maybe they shouldn't have the damn job to begin with. That's not my fault, I'm just the guy on the scale that the dude was brushing on, Whispering hannibal lector shit in my ear.

creeeeeepy.

[darling-i-read-it]

Takiawase

2x04

Hannibal Lecter x reader x Will Graham 

Hannibal Re-Write Series Masterlist

Word Count: 2.2k

Warnings: spoilers for hannibal, murder, mental health problems, jail, dead bodies, cancer, nightmares 

Author’s Note: This one is particularly depressing but it’s my favorite of the season so far. I think it’s really letting some dynamics fall into place and I really hope y’all like it!

I used some direct quotes from the script so some things may seem familiar 

Official Episode Summary : When a body is discovered in a meadow, the cranial cavity appears to have been turned into a beehive; Beverly secretly consults with Will on the mural killer case.

I don’t own these characters. They belong to author/director 

Tag List: @llperfectsymmetryll​  @ericacactus​ @vlightning95​

(not my gif) 

You stood in Hannibal’s kitchen. The front door opened but you didn’t look up. You were eating some leftovers, nothing too big because you could still barely keep food down knowing what you did. It had only been a couple of days but you were still scared to go back home. You had been living at Hannibal’s despite your best wishes.

“How are the dogs?” you asked as Hannibal walked in.

“Fed well. Missing their parents.” You nodded.

“I think I’ll go back tonight,” you admitted. You looked up and ate the last piece of the leftovers off your fork. 

“You’re dressed,” he observed. 

“I’m going to see Will.” Hannibal gave you a look but you ignored it, putting the plate and fork into the dishwasher. You walked around the counter and grabbed your keys.

“I don’t think that’s the best idea. He heard about the judge, clearly,” Hannibal argued.

“I haven’t been to see him in a few days. I miss him,” you said simply. You were trying to stay in a neutral voice so as to not alarm Hannibal. You wanted desperately to see Will and you were going to do all you could to get there even if it meant fighting the only person who has been keeping you grounded the past few days. 

“Come over for dinner then.” You gave him a narrow look.

“I shouldn't.” 

“You’re just going to eat microwave noodles. I insist.” You walked to the door. 

“I’ll think about it.”

“And Y/N?” You turned around, holding the door open.

“Yeah?” 

“Don’t tell him.” 

You didn’t show him your face as you shut the door behind you. 

-

Chilton stopped you before you came up the stairs. You gave him a look but he gave you an even more alarming one. Your heart lurched. Did he know? He couldn’t know. But did he?

“Yeah?” you said, voice barely audible. 

“Will is doing therapy with me,” he started. Your worry for yourself was quickly diminished by the worry you often had for Will. 

“He’s what?” 

“I’m only telling you because he’s probably going to tell you. And so you know that I’m doing what I think is right and Will signed waivers.” You scoffed. 

“May I see my boyfriend now?” 

Chilton let you pass and you walked down the hallway. The worry seeped right back into your heart. The worry that your hands had murdered somebody. That the past few nights you had woken up screaming and had to sleep next to Hannibal so that you could get a good night's sleep. 

You walked up to the cell and Will stood up immediately. 

“You’ve been gone a couple days.” You nodded and swallowed hard.

“And you are letting Chilton run tests now are you?” Your voice easily slipped into ‘protect Will’ mode. Perhaps it was the only mode you knew at this point. He gestured for you to sit on the white line and you did so. He sat on the ground just behind the bars. 

“I remembered more things,” he said. “Hannibal was causing me to have seizures. I got Beverly to look for details in the murders. I’m now mostly convinced that Hannibal Lecter is the Chesapeake Ripper.” 

You took a deep breath. 

“That all?” you asked, laughing darkly. You felt a stab of guilt. “Hannibal was inducing seizures on you while I was in the next room?” 

“Don’t think about it like that,” he muttered. “It was what you thought was best.” You shook your head.

“So what do you want me to do about this whole thing?” 

Your voice was piercing and Will was surprised. That was the first time that he really noticed you in a while. Of course he noticed you, he had talked to you but he felt like at that moment he hadn’t considered how hard this had to be on you. The jail thing, the finding out your boyfriend could be a murderer thing. 

And for that one moment Will knew you well again. And he saw right through you.

“What’s wrong?” he asked. You shook your head but you really desperately wanted to run over to him and hug him and fall asleep beside him. Your heart was aching. 

“Nothing,” you said but you both knew it wasn’t convincing even to people who didn’t know you as well as Will did. You shook your head. “I can’t tell you,” you whispered. Tears pricked at your eyes and you regretted coming. 

“Yes you can.” 

You pointed above your head.

“Chilton would know.”

He looked up at the hidden audio recorders and Will had never hated jail more than in that moment. 

“I’m sorry.” You shrugged.

“I’ll be okay.”

You both knew that was a lie.

-

You stared down at the body of the judge. His eyes were open but his body was dead. It was dead dead. You were trying to scream but nothing was coming out. You backed up, staring at the blackness around the body that became more disfigured as you stared at it. 

When you looked above it you gasped and scattered back into the darkness. Hannibal turned around and moved aside, revealing Will hanging on antlers, impaled by them. You let out a loud sob and moved forward to grab him, help him down but his body was already limp. Your attempts to scream only got more desperate. 

You woke up with a start. Tears were streaming down your face and you were finally able to let out a long scream that woke up all of the dogs. You looked around, feeling the bed for someone you knew wasn’t there. You were alone in the house. 

The noodles you had eaten for dinner sat on Will’s side of the bed, half eaten. Your shirt was sweaty, sticking to your body desperately. You kept crying. You cried for the fact that you missed Will, that you were in this bed alone. For a minute you let yourself wallow in the sadness that had engulfed your life. 

The dogs came to you but they really just wanted to eat your noodles. You got up and, still crying, got into the car.

-

You knocked on Hannibal’s door at 2 in the morning. He answered quickly. 

Your eyes were still puffy and you looked exhausted. Hannibal wrapped the robe around him tighter when he saw you, clearly worried.

“Nightmare?” he questioned. You nodded and just like that the tears came again. It didn’t matter that this man had mutilated a body you killed. It didn’t matter that Will was so sure that Hannibal was the man framing him. It didn’t matter that you were pretty sure Hannibal was the man framing Will for murder. It didn’t even matter that by default he would have killed so many people in the past. 

You hugged him and he hugged you and you felt safe to cry. 

“Come, there’s still plenty of hours in the night to sleep,” he whispered. You nodded and followed him into his bedroom where you both laid down. Hannibal Lecter held you in his arms as you cried yourself to sleep for another night.

-

You walked into the morgue. Bags under your eyes were deep and it was hard to ignore them with the makeup but you were hoping that no one would notice. Beverly stood in the morgue where you figured she would be and you walked up to her swiftly. 

She looked up, taking off her goggles and surprised to see you.

“Can I help you?” she asked. You shrugged. 

“Not sure.” 

“Let me give it a go. I’m surprised Jack let you in by the way.”

“He didn’t but my connection to Hannibal let me through security,” you admitted. She nodded and crossed her arms.

“Will told you to look for some things in the body in the color palette. Did you find anything?” She nodded.

“Actually, yes I did. But I’m not sure I should tell you, you’re not exactly authorized.” 

“Neither is Will.” She nodded, shrugging.

“You do have a point there. The stitches holding the killer to his masterpiece were hiding stitches. The killer took his kidney.” You raised an eyebrow and nodded. 

“Like the Ripper.” 

“You’re sounding like your boyfriend there Y/N.” You nodded slowly.

“I guess we’re always otherwise aligned.” 

-

You walked into the hospital. The air was stale and you felt gross but you had to see someone you trusted and you at least trusted Hannibal to be Hannibal. You saw Jack Crawford step outside of Bellas hospital room and you walked up to him. 

At the sight of you he closed his eyes.

“I can’t handle you right now,” he muttered. You shook your head.

“I’m not here to fight you,” you promised. You looked in the hotel room where his wife lay dying. Hannibal was talking to her quietly. “In fact, I’m sorry,” you muttered weakly. He nodded.

“Truce?” 

“Only for today Crawford.” 

He nodded and you nodded back at him and you both felt for each other. Two people who’s other half was meeting a demise that didn’t look good. Granted, Jack clearly had it worse. At least Will would live in prison. 

Hannibal walked outside and you grabbed his arm. Jack went inside the room.

“Are you alright?” Hannibal asked.

“No,” you admitted.

“You’re sounding more and more like Will every day.” You hit his arm and both of you glanced in the room where Jack sat by Bella’s bed.

“Makes you appreciate what you have doesn’t it?” you whispered. “That and the dreams.”

“Where did you go today?” Hannibal asked.

“I went to see Bev. Will told me some stuff I wanted to get backed up.” He nodded. 

“Chilton is no longer letting me treat Will. But you knew that already,” he said quietly. 

“I didn’t know exactly that. Maybe it’s for the best. Especially if he still thinks that you killed all those people,” you muttered.

“Do you think I killed all those people?” You shrugged.

“I don’t know what I think anymore.” 

-

Will was having a hard time knowing there was something you couldn’t tell him but still talking to you. It was clearly weighing on you as much as it was weighing on him. 

“Hannibal ate the liver,” he whispered. You didn’t even have the heart to raise an eyebrow. All you could do was think about how tired you were.

“Yeah?” 

“Do you remember that day that Hannibal came to the house with the breakfast food?” he questioned. You shrugged and nodded a little bit. You picked at the white paint you were sitting on top of.

“Yeah sure. Wasn’t that the day you-”

“Yeah.” 

“What about it?” Will took a deep breath.

“The breakfast he gave us…” he started and then it dawned on you. Your face showed some actual reaction this time. 

“Oh my God.” He nodded. Your mind flashed with every dinner you had at Hannibal’s. Every time he had brought you lunch from his place. “Oh my God,” you said again and felt your stomach convulse. 

Not only were you a murderer but you were also a cannibal? 

You put your head in your hands and felt the sleep deprived tears rise up. 

“Come here,” Will whispered. You looked up and gestured to the white line. “When has that ever stopped you?” he asked. You nodded and wiped your eyes and scooted over to the bars. You put your hands on the bars and pressed your head against it. 

He pressed his forehead against yours and you closed your eyes.

“I killed the judge,” you whispered, only loud enough for him to hear. He pulled back and looked at you, surprised. But as Will looked at you he didn’t see a murderer all he could see was his girlfriend. His girlfriend looked more broken than he had ever seen her. 

He moved forward again.

“Did you put him up like that?” Will asked. You shook your head.

“No.” 

And it went without saying that Hannibal had. Will grabbed your hand tightly and he had never been so happy to touch your skin. 

And you cried. 

You just cried.

2x05

[lokaneiscanon]

Mighty Thor in Thor: Love and Thunder rant

Seeing Natalie Portman returning to reprise her role as Jane Foster, nevertheless wielding Mjolnir, finally getting the treatment this character deserves, was surreal to say the least. I had just started reading Lords of Midgard, the 8th issue of Mighty Thor (2015 - 2018), and had fallen in love already. But I didn't suspect at all that Taika Waititi would pull this card in Thor: Love and Thunder, considering Jane was barely mentioned in Ragnarok. The news about my favorite actress portraying one of my favorite characters coming out of the blue - you can imagine the excitement. Alas, I quickly remembered what the fandom thought of that comic (at least on tumblr) and imagined it now growing tenfold, cuz not everyone in the MCU fandom reads comics but pretty much everyone wants to watch another Thor movie. And yes, many fans weren't ready for this step, still recovering from Sam Wilson getting the shield in Endgame. Which is completely fine. We're not obligated to like everything Marvel throws in our faces, we're allowed to criticize and express our opinion on the internet or wherever. What is not okay is mindlessly hating, and even worse - using false facts to support said opinion.

I have seen some people using the argument that it is one of Marvel's worst selling comics. Which has already been proven wrong by multiple sites, including Comichron, just Google it, as I did myself. I read multiple posts, ones saying how good Jane is doing as Thor in sales, others disproving this, so I checked for myself the numbers at the site mentioned above month by month to be sure. The comic truly had its downfalls as the story progressed but in my opinion it's normal for the 1st issue to have more sales than the 21st. If we compare it to Unworthy Thor, which started running a bit later and followed the now unworthy Odinson, the data shows the latter had more sales. But then again, while Might Thor was at its 17th issue, Unworthy Thor was at its 2nd. Also, they later crossed paths, shared comic issues, it's fair to say they go hand in hand and Jason Aaron, the author, probably doesn't want us to compare them, as they complete and compliment each other's stories. Still I decided to check the comic that made Thor unworthy in the first place - Thor: God of Thunder (2012 - 2014), which seemed to me more "comparable" to Might Thor (2015 - 2018). *I keep putting the years it was being released so as to not be confused with previous Mighty Thor issues, whole Odinson was still Thor, please bear with me* So yes, the numbers were pretty close, but from what I saw, Mighty Thor had the upper hand if we compare first issue to first issue and so on. (In defense of Odinson, we have to take into account that this data is only from the US and does not include digital sales. Also, he's been around since the 50s. We could argue Jane was a breath of fresh air that some Marvel fans were indeed ready for. As a non-American, and also a person without a hint of knowledge in economics I cannot take into account inflation and whatever else has prevented or enabled Americans to get their hands on the comics or has affected prizes through the years. Bear that in mind.) Moreover, from what I saw on Comichron, both comics had much competition - God of thunder was released along with Avengers vs the X-men, the Uncanny X-men, pretty popular at the time, and the Goddess of Thunder faced Civil War 2 and DC Universe Rebirth (yes, DC is in the game too), also dominating with tremendous sales for the longest time. Yet I stick with my original statement - both Thors are valid and shouldn't be put against one another regardless of profit. Because at the end of the day what will matter the most is the story. And boy, what a story it is.

Now, I haven't read the Thor: God of Thunder, but as I was doing research I found one very well written summary and explanation of Thor's arc and his becoming unworthy and I will post a link below, because I honestly feel I wouldn't be doing this comic a favor by describing it without having read it. Which I plan to do in the future, tbh. It's a fantastic prelude to the Mighty Thor (2015 - 2018) that I've come to love. First, I'd like to ask you all to stop hating on the comic without having read it first. It doesn't make any sense and being petty for the sake of being petty won't benefit neither you, nor anyone, really. Now, about the comic itself - the art is magnificent. It's just gorgeous. Mighty Thor isn't , thank all the gods, sexualized, she is pretty buffed and generally looks like a warrior. As it is with the other characters, I dare say. The background truly captures the essence of every world Jane finds herself on. Action scenes are just the right amount and balanced with dialogue well. On a side note, it's pretty funny to read/listen to in your head the Shakespearean English cursive in which Jane talks as Thor. The plot line branches beyond this comic, starting from Thor: God of Thunder and leading to the War of Realms. And it is elaborately built in every issue. You don't know what to expect, yet it makes sense when it happens. Which leads me to the characterizations. My God, what a treat Loki is in this. Clearly, my opinion is kinda biased, since he's my favorite character, but you never know which side he's on. What his motivations are. And it just feels so... Loki. His writing is brilliant. Almost makes me forget what the MCU did to him. Also, he gets some daddy time with Laufey (not as kinky as I make it sound). Frigga/Freyja is just as awesome as in the MCU, even more, at least in the comics she calls Odin out on his shit, who btw is I guess an asshole in every version and universe. Malekith, the main villain, is unbearably despicable, I want to tear every page he is on. He really was mishandled in the Dark World, if you want some true action with the dark elves, you are welcome to enjoy. I saved the best for the end - Jane Foster/ Might Thor. Now, if you think Dr. Foster spends her time boasting about her worthiness and how Odinson is just called Thor, but she is Mighty Thor, you are horribly wrong. She just... does her job. Because the hammer chose her. Because there's no one else to do so. That's it. If you think there's some feminism involved, yes, there sure is, but it certainly isn't the reason Jane became Thor in the first place. It was not the creators going SJW because it's trendy, as such a mindset is honestly offensive to any descent creator with any self respect, but a well thought out story arc, which, I repeat, you have to read the comic to understand. Jane is not at all whiny about the hate she gets in-universe, not only from foes like Odin and who-not, but from Shield and generally people whose asses she's saving. Her having cancer is not something they pulled to provoke sympathy and make her look like a victim - on the contrary, she is a damn hero and a victor. I don't want to give out spoilers, but her being Thor is actually a giant sacrifice that no one really appreciates (both in-universe and in the fandom). She is not Thor to prove she can be, or just to prove "women can be heroes" - she doesn't have to. She is simply needed by the realms and so she does her job, even though she is called a thief, persecuted and generally hated. All that matters is that the hammer finds her worthy - the beauty and simplicity of that fact you will find out, for the last time, if you read the comic.

I'm not making you read the comic or watch Thor: Love and Thunder. I myself don't know what to make of this film yet because there's barely any information about it. I only know it will be based on the comic so that's a reason for my hopes to be up already. On the other hand, since I didn't like Loki's characterization in Ragnarok, I'm not sure what to expect from Taika. There are valid reasons to not like the idea of Jane returning to the MCU as Thor, which you are entitled to. However, reasons such as "why does everything have to be political these days" are not. Because if I had to make a list of everything politically related in the MCU, it would take forever. Steve Rogers kills nazis is the most blatant example. Make of it what you want. But I think we're far enough into the 21st century to realize art and real life are not that separable. It's undeniable that art affects people and that is to say, people everywhere. And they all have different opinions and aren't gonna like everything media is offering to them. And I wish I could simply tell you not to watch the movie but I'm a Marvel fan too and I understand that I can't just take away Thor from you because I want Mighty Thor as well. But none of us can stop Marvel from producing it. So, to quote an image I saw recently, I don't know how to explain to you that you should care about other people. Let the rest of the fandom enjoy what they want to enjoy. Yes, ik I can play around with the tags and avoid posts that unnerve me but, for example, I'm looking up Mighty Thor fanart, which obviously isn't anti-Mighty Thor, yet I get attacked in the comics for anticipating a movie that doesn't even have a full cast yet. Ik I'm not asking for too much when I wish to get the same internet experience (not only tumblr, but also insta, YouTube, Twitter, any site) as the Thor Odison fans, for example. I'm aware I cannot stop all the toxic fans and the trolls but I hope this post has inspired those of you who simply can't envision Jane as Thor, or don't like Natalie Portman in the role, or whatever eles personal preference that doesn't involve political issues and isn't harmful to the community, not to attack every post on your dash with hate. The movie is called LOVE and Thunder, for God's sake. (on a side note, is a franchise that is too afraid to show LGBT characters for more than 1 minute so as to not lose profit from China, THAT politically correct)

Anyway, that was a veeeery long rant, sorry to whoever reads this but, like, please, I put effort into this, hoping this time around I won't be the only positive reviewer of a movie, like I was with Solo: a Star Wars story (yes, I'm still bitter about this), which was boycotted for no apparent reason but was a decent film in reality, and I'm only bringing it up because it has a similar experience to Love and Thunder for getting hate before even being released. I'm not defending a billion dollar company that flopped in box office once, I'm defending the viewer's right to media they are interested in. If you don't like the character, remember - that's your opinion, not a fact that the character sucks. Kudos.

Not very easy to navigate, I advice you to do the research month by month individually for comics you'd like to compare. Also, if you happen to find more reliable data, pls say so in the comments.

Here you have the summary and explanation of the greatness of Thor: God of Thunder, Jesus, I'll go bankrupt if I buy this one too.

Yes, I want to end the sales dispute once and for all, I'm tired of seeing it on my dash. This guy probably explains it better than I did.

@awesomejenlawrence you said you'd like to read this and I delivered