#i really can’t keep staying until The End Of The Night though bc my bank account cannae take it

[justinefrischmanngf]

i really like this boy guys……….. he’s so lovely……

[sunlightandsuffering]

Prompt : they are both famous and secretly dating.

tbh I don't know what this is or if it makes any sense at all, so sorry anon for butchering ur prompt, but I'm a basic bitch and I like my drake, so like this is gonna be pain bcuz my favourite song on the new album is just pain and I can't stop thinking about a fucked up celebs relationship to it, just ANGST AND PAIN!! 😭😭 but those lyrics hit, can't believe I wrote a song fic ugh circa Tumblr 2015 jfc I'mma write a happier ending to this in another prompt 😂 bc someone else asked for the same thing.

Fucking Fans

I'm still working on me

Eren stands at the Met Gala, holding Mikasa by the waist, giving a cramped smile for photos and keeping her close. People call their names and cameras flash and his beloved blinks, hiding her face into his shoulder as the lights overwhelm her.

He looks down at her lovingly as some jackass reporter yells about a cheating rumour and her pretty face pinches up. Eren is quick to comfort her with his touch, both hands gripping her waist reassuringly as he decides it's time for them to go inside.

"Come on Miki," he kisses her forehead and she nods, accepting. Neither of them wants to think about those rumours, the damage and the pain they bring up is too much and it's all his fault, he knows, but he can't undo it.

The guilt eats at him and she holds his hand tighter, the despair takes him and she cuddles him at night.

They're together now but sometimes Eren wonders just how it happened, how he came back from falling so far. How she took him back when he fucked up so massively.

And I'm coming back better for you

The day he shows up on her door step again is the day of the biggest awards show of the season, the one he knows she's going to kill and probably sweep several categories. Just because she's that amazing. He finds her where he expects, in her apartment, the address Armin gave him, doing her own hair and makeup, humble Mikasa just like always, ironing out her own dress. He shows up in a suit with as many white roses as he can fit into a bouquet and ready to leave if she still hates him, which she has every right to.

But he's been through months of therapy, gave Armin control of his bank account, and check himself into rehab thrice, every time he was even inching closer to relapse.

He's not fixed, but he's better, marginally, and he wants her to know it, know he still loves her at the very least.

She opens the door, beautiful even without makeup, and wearing a white slip and her pretty red mouth parts in shock.

All he can do is hold out his roses as tears leave his eyes at seeing her for the first time in months.

Most times it was my selfishness and your helplessness that I took advantage of

It was so easy with Mikasa, she was so devoted to him. So loving and sweet, always there for him.

She'd wait up, let him do what he wanted, never wanting to stifle or control him. Too afraid their tenuous relationship would crack and they'd break up.

A part of him blames her for it, for being so willing to let him do what he wanted. She'd been passive, unsure how to insert herself, had minimal complaints, letting him ruin his life party by party, late night after late night, drugs and alcohol all of it.

But he knows he can never hold her accountable for his own actions, and the day she's finally done with his bullshit is both the best and worst day of his life. She finally says no, and it begins his path to fixing himself. Because hitting rock bottom is losing the most important thing in his life, and that's Mikasa.

You sit in the house and I be out and I know you're worried, up

The problem with her passivity is he knows it's not passivity at all, she just doesn't know what to do, how to fix him. Eren has always had a temper, and she's known him for a long time, knows he'll lash out and behave worse if provoked. So she'd reacted as best she could, leaving rehab pamphlets out, asking him to stay in and watch movies, bake with her, anything other than going out to party.

But he'd stumble home every night and see her asleep on the couch, waiting. Always there to pick him up instead of a cab, not wanting the paparazzi to get a hold of him, she was always there.

And you try and block it out

They lived in a bubble, they pretended it didn't happen. They didn't acknowledge when he was too hungover to shoot the next morning. She'd brew him coffee, get him through the day, flush his drug stash when they checked, both his saving grace and biggest enabler.

Even when he's kissing her for more than just an on-screen kiss, lips drinking her in like a man starved, and the next morning she finds new girls in his bed, she keeps quiet.

They're a mess, but every time she dutifully kicks the girls out and drags him to the shower.

I'm so sorry for letting you down

When he'd first become famous, he hadn't known what to do with himself. He'd been scouted for how many movies, tv-shows, underwear commercials, brand deals. It was a whirlwind as Hollywood found their new boy wonder, handsome, smart and a nice boy.

His best friend, and female love interest in their debut movie, Mikasa, who had followed him to Hollywood on nothing more than a whim, was equally bombarded with fame and fortune. They'd always been close, always best friends, but never quite more, no matter how much they both obviously wanted it. It never progressed beyond a few acted kisses.

Still, they got an apartment together, and Eren had thought it was the start of something great, he was living the dream. Rich and famous with his best friend, the girl he'd secretly loved since he was young.

He'd been content just to stay up late and watch movies with her before work, to visit her on set and bring her donuts. They were Hollywood's shining stars, two kids sickeningly sweet in love even though they weren't officially dating, they were as good as.

At the advice of his agent, he'd started doing more, started picking up a few other gigs on the side, modelling, but he kept it small, he didn't want to overwhelm himself, and he still wanted time for Mikasa.

It had gone well, they'd taken fame okay, and Eren had been proud, neither of them had a sex-scandal or a pregnancy scare yet. They'd even been inching towards finally being something more than just friends, a few heated looks, some on-stage kisses to finally get the ball rolling.

Then Mikasa had been cast in an upcoming romance movie and her love interest hadn't been Eren, it had been Jean.

That had been the start of his spiral.

He'd never meant for it to get so far out of control, how many movies he started doing, how many promotions. Meanwhile Mikasa, smart, brilliant Mikasa stuck with smaller projects and only ever one at a time, preferring to keep close to their apartment. He was all she had, and she was all he wanted.

Nights when I just needed to hold somebody

He misses her, lays in bed awake at night thinking about her, how long it’s been, when was the last time he saw the curve of her face in person and not in a washed-out picture on a magazine. Girls in and out of his apartment, trying to fill the empty void inside him, and nothing works, nothing ever works. Because he’d fucked it up, said he didn’t need her, told her he could do it on his own, fame wouldn’t take him. Called each other names, every one in the book, screaming matches over stupid shit, if he should take that job, what she was doing with Jean, how she was eating, if she was eating enough.

The toxicity was palpable in their apartment until finally Mikasa just left and he broke.

Feeling overwhelmed, should've told somebody

Fame takes him like a drug addiction, actually it comes with a drug addiction, heroine, cocaine, molly, all of it. In trying to ditch his Hollywood’s sweetheart, good boy image he diverts his life so radically he doesn’t know if he can ever get back to where he was. He loses weight, barely gets by, he doesn’t even understand how he’s still getting booked, but people want him even more now that he’s Hollywood’s bad boy. Meanwhile Mikasa is disgraced now that he’s ‘thrown her away’ even though it was the other way around. Last he heard she lived in a little apartment on the upper east side, leaves only to work, and to fly up to see their families. He hasn’t seen his parents in months, doesn’t want to. Doesn’t want to see the look in their eyes when they realize how skinny he’s gotten, how his body lacks muscle, skin barely clinging to bone, gaunt and lifeless.

He needs help, but he’s spiraling, he’s committed and no matter how many times Armin tries to get him into rehab, he never goes. What’s the point Mikasa is gone, he’s not getting her back, all he has now is the money, the drugs, and the women.

Picturin' it's me sending chills through your body

He hears she’s dating Jean now and somehow, he gets worse.

Every fear he’d ever had comes to life and he gets angry, his temper coming back full force. The past few months he’d barely been getting by, not really living, but his rage awakens him. She’d told him no, that they weren’t dating, never so much as kissed outside of work. What a fucking lie.

How many girls he takes home that month he doesn’t know, how many paparazzi photos of women leaving his apartment, how he dreams it’s Mikasa under him, not some rando.

He sees her on the cover of some magazine, walking innocently with Jean and it sends him into even more of a rage, but under it all he wishes it was him, doesn’t matter that they were never official, that it only happened a few times, he wants her back. But Eren’s never been good at navigating his emotions, so he clings to his rage like a lifeline.

I just probably should've chilled 'til I saw you

When they ask about her in interviews, he doesn’t answer. Not until that once, when he lets it slip and he watches Armin wilt in real time from behind the camera as he spits the words, “I think it’s obvious, she’s with Jean now isn’t she, right after she was with me, figure it out yourself.”

The insinuation is lethal, cruel, mean and he knows it’s not true, but he says it anyway. He knows she didn't do it, but still the coincidence hurts too much, the very thought that there might have been something romantic going on with them before makes him want to throw up.

The interviewer looks shocked before he brightens up at the tidbit of information, like a vulture picking apart the last pieces of his heart, massacring it further, but Eren doesn’t mind the pain anymore. It fuels his rage and that’s all he has these days.

How am I supposed to get to know somebody?

When the rage wears off months later and Mikasa has done nothing, no comment on his interviews, no appearances, no angry texts, just silence, he becomes numb. Then the sadness sets in, because losing her romantically isn’t even the worst part, he doesn’t even have his best friend anymore, he’s lost her too.

She’s become a recluse, a hermit, he hasn’t even seen her with Jean on the magazine covers lately. Distantly he knows it’s because their movie is finished filming, and she was probably never dating him in the first place.

He goes to awards shows in hopes of at least catching a glimpse but she’s gone into hiding, there’s rumours she’s back in their hometown, but he’d never visit, not with the disgrace he’s become. He tries to date seriously, tries to talk to other actresses, but it’s all so vacant, disingenuous. All they want him for is his image, there’s nothing real about these women anymore, everything is fake, plastic right down to their boobs. Nothing like Mikasa, who was pure to her core, even in the face of her fame.

If we broke it off then you know it wasn't painless

He'd cried for weeks after she'd ended it, despite it being entirely his fault.

Armin had cancelled all his engagements and Eren hadn't left the apartment, curling himself up on her empty mattress, her room a barren wasteland.

He'd only eaten when Armin forced him too, and only come out of his hibernation after his mother had called to yell, Armin holding the phone right in his ear, the first time he'd spoken to her in forever.

If she got a watch then you know it's not a stainless

He’s got money, but it means nothing. Mikasa has money too, it doesn’t even matter. What has it all been for? He doesn’t even know anymore. All he’s gotten from his acting career is trust issues, more money than he knows what do with and the loss of his best friend and the only girl he’s ever loved.

It’s all a blur now, he acts, he models, he does PR. Armin makes him a schedule and he follows it. They meet with his nutritionist and his personal trainer, and he starts working out again, eating real food, not just smoking, and drinking coffee to supress his appetite.

Armin is the only reason he’s still a functioning human being as Eren hits rock bottom. The only one left to try and push him out.

I was out here fucking fans, I was shameless

He knows he fucked up, it’s why he starts therapy.

The shit he’d done, high off his own fame and arrogance, it’s messed up and he he knows it now. All the girls, all the money and the drugs, ignoring Mikasa’s concerns, dragging her down with him.

He doesn’t blame her now, he knows none of it was fair, she was justified in leaving. They were toxic, their half on, half off relationship, how he'd commit to the drugs but never her.

He can still remember the first time he kissed her, really kissed her, Eren and Mikasa not two characters on screen. It was after their first awards show for their movie, he’d been so excited, so delightfully sober, he couldn’t help himself, she’d been so pretty in her white dress, he’d leaned down before he could stop himself. The first night they’d had sex, her moans, her soft cries of pleasure, nothing had ever measured up since.

It had been bliss, for about a month or so and then they’d really been discovered, and it had all been shot to hell.

All the fans, all the women throwing themselves at him, his eyes couldn’t help but wander despite Mikasa always being the most radiant in the room. He had her love, he’d had everything, but that insidious voice in the back of his head had wondered. Thought the grass was greener on the other side, wanting to explore fame at the same time they’d finally started their relationship.

You was at the crib reading stories that they sent you

They’d kept it casual at Eren’s insistence and Mikasa’s heartbreak, his rock had been willing to allow it for him, for the chance to finally explore their relationship. But he could see how much it hurt her, the tabloids were the worst part, every day a new cover, another apartment he’d leave, another hookup in the parking lot. And he could barely justify it to himself, why he did it, why he continued to do it? He had everything he could ever want in Mikasa, the girl he’d loved since forever, finally in the palm of his hand, willing to give herself wholly to him.

And yet fame had called him more, and the people he was hanging out with only encouraged it, the famous lifestyle, drugs, sex and rock and roll.

Everyone was doing it, so why shouldn’t he?

Most of that was bullshit but some of it I did do

The rumours spiralled out of control after a while, there was nothing he could do, it was over, they had too much on him.

He'd been telling himself lies that maybe she was with Jean on the side, that she had the same opportunities as him, she could go out and sleep around too.

As if Mikasa would ever even consider it.

He’d finally given into being exclusive, seeing the toll it was taking on Mikasa, after Armin smacked him upside the head and told him he was going to lose her if he didn’t get his shit together. Eren had finally realized how irreversibly he was fucking up his relationship, but by then, it had been too late.

When they finally started truly dating, monogamy and all, it had been far, far too late. The backlog of photos the paparazzi had was ridiculous, any opportunity they got to demonize him they took.

He and Mikasa been casual at the time of all the photos, sure, but anyone would buckle under the weight of constant articles about their significant other cheating. Eren became the villain in his own story, and Hollywood loved it, ‘Bad Boy Eren Yeager Ditches Mikasa Ackerman’. He still remembers the headline, it was the straw that broke the camel’s back, she’d come home, dropped the offending magazine on the coffee table and hidden in her room for the rest of the night. He’d slept outside her door, and the next morning he’d been woken by her stepping over him to leave, bags packed.

It was sad, they’d never even officially dated to the public, they hadn’t gotten to that point. She’d wanted to reveal it at some awards show by taking him as her date, thanking him in her speech, her boyfriend, Eren Yeager. Overnight the paparazzi had singlehandedly broken them up for shit he hadn’t even done.

He had no one but himself to blame.

Hard for me to justify the women I was into

Looking back, he can’t say why he did it or what the purpose of all the models that looked eerily like her were for. Maybe he was trying to fill the empty space in his heart, maybe he felt neglected by her friendship with Jean and how obvious the man’s feeling for her were, but for one reason or another, he’d slept his way through about half of the Victoria’s Secret fashion show, and award shows were awkward these days. Meeting the eyes of all the talented women he’d hooked up with in such a professional setting was uncomfortable at best.

How many more did he not even remember, to high off drugs and alcohol and his own ego?

Especially when the whole entire world wished they had you

He’d seen it in how Jean looked at her the first time they’d walked the red carpet as promotion for their movie. The tall man was a b-list actor and he’d been invited to the pre-screening, and he’d watched Mikasa the entire night. His gaze wasn’t moved by Eren’s arm wrapped protectively around her waist or his chin resting on her head, nor the possessive hand on her thigh.

They hadn’t even been fooling around back then, but he couldn’t help himself, he didn’t want Jean’s eyes on her. She was also Mikasa Ackerman, and the whole world thought she was just as beautiful and amazing and perfect as he did.

But she was his. His best friend, love of his life, his everything

If only he’d treated her like it.

Probably made you want to hit the streets on everything

She doesn't take him to the awards show the night he comes begging, but she lets him inside her apartment. Lets him help her with her hair, something he's sorely missed. Something he's familiar with, been braiding her hair since they were kids.

He helps her put it up into a beautiful twist.

And when Jean knocks at her door to take her to the awards show he lets her go, kisses her cheek and tells her how much he loves her, how she's going to win it all and he'll be waiting her when she gets back.

And then she leaves, walks away with another man and Eren thinks he deserves it, it's his penance, how many times has she felt this same way, how many women has he been through?

Probably made you want to pour bleach on everything

He discovers not a single remnant of himself in her apartment, no pictures, no clothes she's borrowed. Even his old sweatshirt, her favourite one is gone. Hell, even their award for best-onscreen-kiss is gone.

He finds it all in a crumpled box under her bed and it's his own fault for snooping, their photo crumpled up and misshapen, riddled with water damage. Probably from her tears if he had to guess.

Probably made you want to kill me on everything

She comes home that night and Eren is surprised, he'd expected her to go to Jean's. Hadn't really believed she was going to come back. Had resigned himself to sleeping on the couch and waiting till tomorrow when she'd come home dishevelled and covered in hickeys and bruises, the kind good sex gives you. The kind he'd never really allowed himself to give her.

That's when she'd really broken and he'd been so fucking happy when she'd thrown her purse at him. No more of her her silent rage, her forced smiles. She'd kicked and screamed, cried in his arms only to hit him brutally with a pillow, chasing him to the end of the couch. Hands restraining his wrists, as she curses him out, tears running down her beautiful cheeks sparkling in the moonlight, she's a vengeful goddess and he deserves every second of her wrath.

She collapses on top of him in a heap of sobs and all he can do is hold her, hating himself just as much as he's sure she does.

Yeah, trust, I know that

He wakes the next morning with her weight in his arms, and he holds her like he never wants to let go.

He's lucky she's even here with him right now, that she didn't kick him out on the spot. That she even cares enough to still fight with him. He kisses her forehead softly, he knows.

Yeah I kinda hate this but whatever have angst 🤷🏻‍♀️

[roxa-sos]

before you go - jj maybank

jj maybank x ex-pogue!reader

tw; it’s a lil angsty (n o, it’s pretty angsty) mention of sex. sad sad. v sad.

request: “can you write an imagine with jj based on the song before you go by lewis capaldi”

a/n -- i don’t listen to lewis capaldi but this song is really good?? like i listened to it once and just. damn. i LOVE writing song fics bc i can’t write unless i have music playing, so plsplspls send more requests for songs :)

-

i fell by the wayside like everyone else i hate you, i hate you, i hate you, but i was just kidding myself our every moment, i start to replace ‘cause not that they’re gone, all i hear are the words that i needed to say

you grew up in the outer banks. an only child, the pogue’s golden girl, best friends with jj maybank since you were ten. you were the golden girl of the outer banks. cool enough to hang around the pogues and be one yourself, but hot enough to have some kook eyes on you. peaceful, funny, but you always declined when people chased after you. 

jj maybank had a shitty dad. a deadbeat mom. but he was your best friend. you had millions of memories of you two at the beach, him teaching you to surf when you were twelve, the two of you being the worst and best things that had ever happened to your side of the island.

when you were fifteen, you could’ve sworn you knew love. your love for your best friend, your love for the dumb boy that woke you up at six in the morning so he could sneak out before your parents found out he spent the night. the boy who made you a pothead. the boy who consumed all of your free time. 

but you’d always been too scared to pursue him. 

so, you fell into the hands of another guy. he was kind of an ass to your friends, but you thought he really cared about you. he brought you flowers, took you to the drive in, spent nights with you, and kissed you until your lips were swollen.

jj hated you for it. he always thought you were replacing him with your boyfriend, and he didn’t like you focusing on someone other than him. he wanted to be the guy who held you on his lap when he was driving the boat, he wanted to be the guy you clung onto at movies, he wanted to be the guy who kissed you until you were out of breath. 

but he wasn’t. 

after six months with your boyfriend, you dad delivered the worst news you’d ever heard. a relocation to upstate new york. and all of the sudden, time slipped through your hands.

when you hurt under the surface like troubled water running cold well, time can heal but this won’t

you told all of the pogues except for jj. 

he hadn’t talked to you unless he had to in months. 

he found out through john b, and he cried. cried angrily after storming out of the chateau, sitting down on the bank next to the lake. he didn’t have any more time with you. 

so, before you go was there something i could’ve said to make your heart beat better? if only i’d known you had a storm to weather

you knew you had three months left in the outer banks. you made the most of your time left with your boyfriend, but jj slowly started coming back to you for company. 

you still hadn’t told him. but he was back. 

you were spending your days and nights with your friends and your boyfriend, and every moment you spent packing was time spent crying your eyes out. 

you were leaving everything you’d ever known. 

but you had jj back, and that made everything seem a little bittersweet. he was coming back to you after all this time, and he didn’t even know you didn’t have any time left together. or so you thought. 

was there something i could’ve said to make it all stop hurting? it kills me how your mind can make you feel so worthless so, before you go

“i’m leaving in a month” was how you told jj. it was almost like he already knew, but he had to leave when you told him. and he cried again, the damn boy cried right outside the room you were standing in, breaking your heart. he muttered things to himself, talking about how he was wasting time, but you pretended like you didn’t hear. 

and then, a week before you left, you were spending the night with your boyfriend while your parents were hanging out with friends. jj was at your door, and you had to step outside to talk to him.

“i’m fucking in love with you.”

you didn’t know what to say to him. 

“i have been. for years. and you just... got with him. and i couldn’t say anything, because i want you to be happy, but i can’t keep it to myself knowing that i’m... i’m fucking losing you.” 

you never said anything to him, but you hugged him. and he left. 

when you went inside, your boyfriend broke it off with you. you both knew it was coming, seeing as neither of you could do long distance like that, and he knew you wouldn’t be able to stay committed to someone that you couldn’t have. 

and you were alone. you were alone until you had twenty four hours left in paradise on earth. 

your last night there, you got drunk as hell. you smoked, and the pogues held their little goodbye party for you. at the end of it, when kie had to go home, and pope’s dad picked him up, and john b left you and jj to have your bittersweet ending, you kissed jj. you kissed him hard, and he kissed you back.

you’d probably remember every bit of that night for the rest of your life. 

his hands started on your face, pulling yours into his, then they slid down to hold your waist to make sure you didn’t get away from him in those last hours you had. he hated himself for letting you get away from him for all of those months. he hated you for getting a boyfriend. but he couldn’t spend the rest of that time hating things.

so he loved you instead. it could be classified as a hookup, but it meant more to both of you. by the time you two were laying next to each other in his bed at the chateau, looking up at the ceiling, sweaty and with marks forming on your neck, you were crying. sobbing, you had a breakdown. you couldn’t get those months back. neither could he, but all he could do was hold you and try to make you feel better.

you agreed to stay in contact before you left. you two were going to try to make long distance stuff work. the pogues were all outside your house the day you were supposed to put your suitcase in your dad’s car and drive to the ferries. 

you leaned out the car window, watching them get smaller and smaller as the car drove. jj followed the car for a little bit until he knew it was hopeless, keeping his eyes on you until your dad told you to sit down.

was never the right time, whenever you called went little by little until there was nothing at all our every moment, i start to replay but all i can think about is seeing that look on your face

you and jj left it off on a bad note. you didn’t get your awkward morning after having sex across the hall from john b. you didn’t get a sweet first kiss. it all hurt. but you both tried to get over it as you started off with facetimes once you settled down in your new home.

it always hurt to see him, though. he agreed. you switched to phone calls, scheduled them so you could get ready to hear him.

he missed half of them. in your heart, somewhere, you knew he was moving on. 

so were you. 

back home, he was beating himself up when he flirted with other people. when he spent his time with someone that wasn’t you. but he knew he couldn’t bring himself to hear your voice, much less see your face. he was trying to replace every bad feeling thinking of you gave him, but that meant replacing every moment you two had. 

you were doing the same. finding new people. none of them would ever match jj and the pogues, but you were trying. you held onto everything you had left of jj, but you knew his time in your life was over, or coming to an end. 

would we be better off by now if i’d have let my walls come down? maybe, i guess we’ll never know you know, you know 

the last phone call you two shared ended with tears, but you both knew it was for the best. 

you confided in each other. it hurt, and you told him. he told you the same. 

“i should’ve said something.” he practically shouted, frustrated with himself.

“i should’ve said something, too.” you laughed halfheartedly, choking back another sob. it had been a few months since you’d called, but you needed to have a clean cut. not let things linger.

“i miss you.” all he ever had to say was that he regretted everything he did. all he ever had to say was that he missed you. 

“i miss you too, but you know we’re over, j. i love you.”

“i love you too.” and then the static of the connection cut, and you knew he was gone from you for good. 

a/n -- i just realized that anon probably wanted this song request to be about mental health issues but this made me just as sad as that would’ve so like asldnlanwegvbolande holy FUCK this made my heart hurt. 

[1000-directions]

rbb because it gave me a heart attack #trauma and also ughhHhhHhhhh bc mood

lolllllll people in marvel fandom do NOT understand how some of us suffer when they abbreviate their reverse big bang as rbb!!!

this was the original draft of my winterhawk reverse big bang where clint is a musician and bucky is a trust fund kid who ends up joining the army or something and they’re boyfriends and then they break up and eventually get back together and it’s told partly in flashbacks and it was just getting TOO complicated to write and felt joyless and was making me completely miserable, so i threw it out after 2500 words and wrote winterhawk punks in love instead, which was the correct choice.

i will never finish it, but here is what i’ve got in case anyone is interested:

There are a lot of different things Clint could have done with his life.

Well, no. That’s a bit of an exaggeration.

But there are several things Clint could have done with his life. Multiple things. More than one thing.

But he doesn’t think any of those other things would have ever made him as happy and crazy and pissed-off and satisfied as singing does.

Whenever anyone asks, he’s very careful to call himself a writer. A composer. A creator. A musician. Like the making of the thing is the part that motivates him. Like performing is just an afterthought. Like singing is just something he has to do so the music makes sense. Because he knows he’s not a great singer. He’s passable. He can keep a beat and hit all the notes in his limited range, and he gets just enough inflection and passion into the words to make people feel a thing, sometimes.

He’s good at the writing. He’s good at the deceptively simple arrangements. His voice is the least he has to offer, and he knows it, and it feels kind of foolish and indulgent to especially savor the part that he’s objectively the worst at. But Christ, he loves doing it, and he wouldn’t trade it for anything.

*

The two of them had ditched work early, saving up all their smoke breaks until it was suddenly 2:40, and the manager had no choice but to cut them loose. And even though they had permission, it felt like getting away with something, and Clint twisted his fingers into Bucky’s grasp as they ran down the sidewalk together. Clint darted recklessly into the intersection, and Bucky jerked him back at the last second as a truck came barrelling past, honking furiously at the two of them. And it was so close to being bad, but it was fine, fine, fine, and Clint laughed as Bucky shook his head, and Clint linked his arms around Bucky’s neck and kissed him right there in the middle of the street.

They were twenty, and they were in love. And nothing was serious but that.

It was a hot summer at the shore, and they were living in a shitty beach house with three other friends. They spent their mornings and afternoons scooping ice cream at a popular local shop that was more famous than good. And then at night, they’d go drinking at the scummier bars that were a little more lax on carding, or they’d build a bonfire on the beach and drink Yuenglings purchased with Clint’s really good fake ID. And inevitably, someone would have an acoustic guitar, and someone would start shouting out requests, and they’d get drunker and noisier as the night went on.

And then Clint would grab Bucky’s hand with a mischievous glint in his eyes, and they’d strip down to nothing and run into the ocean in the dark, screaming down the moon. And then they’d huddle together in one towel, letting the fire dry their hair until it was curly and crispy. And then they’d all stomp out the fire and gather up the red Solo cups, and Bucky and Clint would push their two futons together into one rickety big bed, and they would fall asleep in each others’ arms, salty and sandy and worn out.

Bucky woke up early most days to go for a run. He was in the Army Reserves, and he had to stay in shape, and Clint certainly wasn’t complaining about what the workouts did for his boyfriend’s physique. Clint was starting at technical school in the fall, studying to be an audio mixer. Things would be changing soon, but not just then.

That summer, time was lazy and endless. Bucky would come back from his run and lay his sweaty body down on top of Clint’s, kissing him awake, and they’d rub off against each other until they both came. Or they’d dart away from their friends in the middle of dinner, running up to their room and barely getting the door locked before Clint was shoving down Bucky’s pants to get his mouth on his cock.

And some nights, they were painstakingly tender, just kissing for what felt like hours before they even took their clothes off. Bucky liked things a little rough, and Clint liked things a little sweet, and they’d found something in the middle that was perfect for both of them.

“Just fucking hold me down and make me feel it, Clint,” Bucky would say sometimes, and Clint would kiss his jaw and tug his hair a little and fuck into him harder until Bucky was crying out beneath him.

It was their first summer, and everything was perfect.

*

At thirty, Clint is starting to fall into the sorts of routines that a younger version of himself would have detested.

Even worse...he kinda likes it.

But there’s just something soothing and comforting about knowing what’s ahead. Sure, it’s romantic to think about being a starving artist, but the reality of it wasn’t so sexy. Turns out that if you don’t work, you don’t get paid. And sometimes in the music industry, you don’t get paid even when you do work. So Clint works his ass off. All the time. He’s still riding a bubble, and he’s gonna ride the hell out of it until it breaks.

He wakes up, and he makes coffee. He fills his travel mug, and he and Lucky take a lazy walk through the park. Clint listens to the birds chirp, and he slurps his coffee, and he hides behind his sunglasses and doesn’t make eye contact with any of his well-meaning neighbors. Too early for that shit.

He goes back home, and Lucky inevitably fucks off somewhere to nap while Clint stretches. He’d tried meditation, but he can’t bear being quite that alone with his own thoughts. He can be alone with his body, though. He runs through his muscle groups, mindfully and thoughtfully working out the best way to stretch his sternocleidomastoid or his serratus anterior. He likes how he feels afterwards, all loose and wiggly, and it puts him in a good frame of mind for a morning listening session.

He has a second cup of coffee in his sunroom while he listens to the playback from the previous day. He combs through voicenotes and reads old journals, idly recalling stories about himself. He doesn’t create anything just yet. He listens with an open mind. And then he listens a second time, and he absorbs, and he makes notes about what he likes or how something could be different.

And then he sets a timer for forty minutes while he has lunch in front of the TV, and he fucks around on his email for a bit, and sometimes if he eats real fast he jerks off. And sometimes if he’s been seeing someone, he texts them, catches up, makes plans for later. Sometimes he plays video games. Sometimes he remembers to water his plants.

(Mostly, he jerks off.)

And then it’s back to work in the afternoon. More coffee. More listening, but this time with editing, rerecording, rewriting. He creates new voicenotes. He jots down new lyrics. He thinks about things he wants to talk about someday that he’s not ready to talk about now.

And then in the late afternoon, he ventures out of the house again. He goes to a cafe, or he grabs some more coffee, or he goes to the bank or the grocery store or the mall. And he exists among people, the way his therapist told him to. And he smiles at three strangers, and he overhears people’s conversations, and he reminds himself that there is an entire universe outside his head, just like there’s an entire universe inside of it.

And then he goes home, makes dinner, jerks off, swaps his coffee for whiskey, waits until he gets really, really tired, and then…

Then he fucking sings.

*

They got the band name from one of the weird, macabre love poems that Clint was always painstakingly copying down into his notebooks, trying to record the bits of weird beauty he saw in the world that mirrored the strangeness he sensed inside of himself. He felt less alone to see strangeness in others.

My darling, I will love you until the winter hawk cleans my bones And in her desperation, she will discover that my flesh only tastes of you

“It’s so gross,” Bucky had said with a curious sort of awe, and Clint felt so vulnerable in the silence that followed, because it was gross, but it was important to him.

Clint wanted to be so fucking in love that it chewed him up. He wanted love to shred him with her talons. And he could imagine himself getting there with Bucky. He thought they could be epic. He was still holding back some secret parts of himself, but if he let those go, he thought he could love Bucky so hard that it consumed him and he finally, finally lost himself.

And Bucky kept staring at the words scrawled in Clint’s notebook, traced his fingertip over the blue ink, following the same pattern Clint’s pen had taken as he’d lovingly copied down the words. And there was a furrow in his brow as he read and reread, and just as Clint thought he might explode from the anticipation, Bucky looked up at him with a small smile.

“I get it, I think,” he said slowly. “The desperation, I mean.”

“Yeah?” Clint wasn’t sure he was even breathing anymore, he was so close to losing it.

“The way a predator becomes a scavenger,” Bucky said thoughtfully, and there it was, that nerdy side of Bucky that Clint loved so fiercely. “Taking the scraps if that’s the only choice you have. Being just...so hungry.” He ran his thumb over Clint’s wrist, and Clint shivered.

“Hungry how?” he managed to croak out.

“Feel like I could just eat you up sometimes,” Bucky murmured. “When I first met you, I didn’t think you even liked me at all.”

“I did, though,” Clint protested weakly. “I was crazy about you from that first time I saw you.”

“I didn’t know it,” Bucky said. “Didn’t even know if I really liked boys or not, but I wanted you, and it felt like….” He frowned and looked at his thumb slowing arcing over Clint’s skin. “Felt like it didn’t even matter if you liked me back. Just me liking you was so much. And I would have eaten any scrap of anything you gave me, baby.”

“And now?” Clint asked, and his heart was an out-of-control metronome.

“Same thing now,” Bucky said, chewing on his lip. “Any bit of you I could have. I’d eat up all you gave me and I’d starve for more before I wanted a single damn bite of anyone else.”

“I love you,” Clint had whispered then, the first time he’d said those words out loud to anyone.

“I love you, too,” Bucky had replied, a hopeful smile breaking across his face and scrunching up his eyes, and Clint was so terrified and relieved and happy that he could barely stand it.

They pushed their mouths together and tried to kiss, but neither of them could stop grinning long enough to make it work.

*

Clint goes to therapy once a month. He takes his Lexapro every night. He has a notebook full of therapy homework, and he makes lists of his accomplishments and his failures, and when he goes to therapy, he shows up with an agenda. He is working to fix multiple parts of his life. He makes progress in different areas, a step on one path, a leap on another, a little stumble here. He’s an amoeba, and his pseudopods creep towards his goals, engulfing and consuming one after the other, slow and steady.

Get a dog? Check.

Learn how to cook healthy(ish) meals? Check.

Spend more time outside? Check.

Stop being so hateful towards myself? Check(ish).

Learn how to have sex with someone without falling in love with him? Check.

Learn how to have sex with someone without immediately thinking of Bucky afterwards?

Well.

It’s a work in progress.

*

Something flashbacky about being deaf

*

Clint’s newest album is called Mono Songs for a Stereo World, and all he’s finished so far is the title and the concept.

He connected with Tony Stark at SxSW last year and drunkenly talked his ear off about his idea to create songs for people with hearing conditions, mixed specifically to accommodate their abilities. He’d woken up the next morning with a raging hangover and a three minute voicemail from Tony describing the prototype software he’d slapped together. And now they’re...not exactly partners, but Clint comes up with ideas, and Tony turns them into reality.

And now Clint has all the technology he needs to create a fully customizable digital album. Fans will be directed to a website that tests their hearing, determines what wavelengths they can detect at which volumes, and then Tony’s tech will generate a downloadable version of Clint’s album that sits perfectly within their range of hearing. It works flawlessly. They’re probably not going to make much money off of it, but Clint’s been working his whole life towards something like this, and he can’t believe how close he finally is.

So all he needs to do is, like. Find some inspiration somewhere and write ten to twelve songs and then record all of them and mix them once and then feed them into Tony’s algorithm and re-mix the songs and then do maybe 40 test mixes on each one.

Simple, really.

*

It was easy for the two of them to form a band. Clint was always writing his weird poetry, and Bucky loved it. Loved the sound of his voice wrapping around the shapes of his words. And Bucky was good enough with a guitar, and it was just one more way for them to be together. It just made sense.

They called the band Winterhawk, and sure, Clint probably always took it a little more seriously than Bucky did, but that was Clint. He threw himself into everything like that back then, reckless and headstrong and passionate and unafraid. He loved Bucky so much, and he loved the band so much, and Bucky loved him and the band, too. Maybe just a little less, but still plenty enough for Clint.

Summer ended, and they found a reasonably priced studio apartment in the city. Bucky paid most of the rent, but he had a trust fund he was still working his way through before his parents disinherited him, plus he made great tips bartending.

wip title game

[outlaw-unicorn]

The dragon!Arthur AU you didn’t know you needed

(and maybe didn’t want either but @eaglepatronus and I had too much fun with this :D)

here be dragons (and charthur)

AcademySenseiIruka

Now I can't stop thinking about a dragon Arthur AU where Charles is the knight sent to slay the dragon. As he searches for the mighty beast, Charles meets and falls in love with a cowboy (Arthur) who it turns out, is the dragon he's hunting. XD

Charles: Is that a tail? Arthur: No. Charles: Sure looks like one. Arthur: No, It's a trick of the light. Charles: ... Arthur: (knocks over a table with his wagging tail) :)

[...]

AcademySenseiIruka 

Ohhhhhh, hers my version.

Arthur's mom was a dragon who tried to live life as a normal human. See, all the dragons in Brittian were hunted to near extinction and she fled to America in search of safety. Eventually she had Arthur, and when Arthur was young an irate drunk tried to kill him and, sensing her child was in danger, she took her true form to defend him. Later, when she was human again, she tried to explain things to her husband. To tell him she really loved him but he wouldn't have it. He shot and killed her.

Arthur then spent years chained to a wall in a deep cellar. That is until two outlaws, Hosea and Dutch found him. They raised him as their own but Arthur was always careful to keep his mothers secret. But one day, when the law was coming down on them, Arthur had no choice but to turn into a dragon and escape. When he landed, Arthur expected to be yelled at. To be disowned or attacked... and though Hosea was frightened, Dutch was excited. He praised Arthur for his abilities and began coming up with ways to use Arthur to rob banks. Eventually the Van Der Linde gang became known for picking up monsters as John Marston, a young Werewolf joined them as well as others cursed with magic.

After years of traveling and robbing banks, Arthur had amassed quite a bounty. And though no one outside the gang knew Arthur's true identity, Dutch had begun to treat Arthur more and more like an animal. Eventually new members of the gang were allowed to use Arthur the same way Dutch had. One day Micah ordered Arthur to attack Strawberry and in the attack Arthur felt something break inside him. He really was a monster. Some bloodthirsty beast that deserved to be hunted and killed. Arthur despised everything about himself... But Charles, a new member of the gang was a psychic. He could hear Arthur's fears and hate and self-loathing. Charles could feel Arthur's heart breaking, his grief for a life of peace he had never known.

Charles then sets out to prove Arthur is wrong about himself. To teach the dragon just how precious and kind he really is. Charles brings to Arthur's attention every good thought he thinks, every kind act he performs. But also he swiftly warns him away of the untrue dark self-deprecating thoughts.

In the process of saving Arthur from himself, Charles begins to fall head over heels for him. It doesn't take long for Charles to discover a steady growing feeling of love, growing in Arthur, is directed towards him.

But as the two fall more and more in love, Dutch and Micah have set their sights on attacking a heavily guarded bank. If they pull it off, they could be set for life, but if they fail, Arthur would be captured... Now it's up to Charles to convince Arthur he is worth more than what Dutch has convinced him he is. That he isn't some monster to be summoned and used, that he is precious and worthy of being protected.

rivendellelve 

Really loving Psychic Charles ♥ :D does that mean, in that universe Trelawny is an actual magician? :D

AcademySenseiIruka 

Gosh, didn't think of that but yes. lol

And Micah is probably able to manipulate thoughts... So in the end, it's down to a battle between Charles and Micah. Micah trying to controle thoughts and Charles being able to break others free because he can feel the true thoughts of a person.

rivendellelve 

Dang, now I'm imagining the big showdown between Charles and Micah.

Maybe Micah has taken over Arthur's mind bc he wants to use him for his plans (and swooping in an a dragon definitely fits his ego) and Charles has to rescue Arthur and then he and Micah are fighting for control :D that would be epic :D

AcademySenseiIruka 

YEAH!!! Charles hasn't noticed Micah even has that abuilitiy untill he tried to sway Arthur into doing the plan by making him bloodthirsty. Arthur can't tell what are his thoughts and what are Micah's but Charles can and tries to stop Micah. During the mental battle, Micah tells Arthur he has taken over Dutch. It enrages Arthur (just as Micah wanted) enough to transform. With Arthur angry, Micah is able to take control but Charles is able to get through to Arthur by reminding him he is kind. that he isn't a monster and that he is loved. Eventually, it breaks Arthur from Micah's intrusive thoughts and Charles is able to protect him.

Together they Kill Micah and when he dies, Dutch is able to break free of Micah's hold as well. Apparently, Dutch been trapped in his own head but still aware of what's going on. Just not able to stop Micah. He apologizes to Arthur for how he has treated him and Arthur forgives him, knowing it wasn't really Dutch all along. The camp goes back to the way it was and they all live happily ever after. It ends with Arthur and Charles cuddling together, both blissfully content... And Arthur realizes he is finally at peace.

(hope it's not too heavy-handed but I think it's a satisfying conclusion)

rivendellelve 

This is the best thing ever! !! Like, I can totally see Micah taunting Arthur and Arthur falling for it even though he knows better and oh the drama Charles desperately trying to get through to Arthur while he's huge (and incredibly dangerous ) dragon ❤❤❤

And the idea that Dutch is conscious but unable to break free! ! (Have been playing around with a demonic possession story in my head for a bit that was kinda like that bit your Micah-version is way better ) Probably really gets him thinking about how he acted before that people didn't notice he was being controlled He probably changes for better after that

Now I imagine the gang actually settling down somewhere peaceful Like everyone gets on Arthurs back and they fly somewhere far away from Pinkertons in the dead of night Maybe they start a farm. Mangoes may or may not be involved 😁

AcademySenseiIruka

GASP... MICAH IS A DEMON!!! It would explain is mind manipulation and also give him other abilities, so no one would suspect him with controlling people. Maybe Micah is pretending to be a warlock or something? Like he can make things explode. But he hides his mind manipulation abilities because the more unaware you are the more effective it is.

Also, Flying off on "taxi" Arthur is the new best ending. They fly off to Tahiti and that's is where Arthur and Charles cuddle etc. If you want to write this it's all yours. I would love to see this as a full story but can't... plus you are the better writer. But no pressure. It's just fun to brainstorm.

rivendellelve

Oh boy, I would love to write it (even more so I really want to read it) but there is no way I have the time and energy for such a long story 😅 But sharing ideas is so much fun

Speaking of not-so-Warlock Micah, I'm thinking one of the other gangmembers is an actual warlock (maybe one of the girls) and they're something's off about Micah but mindcontrolled Dutch is like noooo, the poor man has just been through a lot

Also I remember reading something about a dragon whose treasure are his friends instead of gold and I can't stop thinking bout how the gang means everything to Arthur So when people go on a trip he's always lowkey clingy Like you'll be back soon, right? And lots of stay safe's

When Dutch and Hosea found out he was a dragon they got him some gold and were very confused when he more or less ignored it

Hosea got a bit teary eyed once he realized what was going on

AcademySenseiIruka

Awwww, I love that! Arthur is so precious as a person hoarder! And he probably doesn't even realize it and Hosea never brings it up to him cause he doesn't want Arthur to be embarrassed. (cause at this point its instinct and he can't really stop it)

Gasp, it would also explain why Arthur is sooooo angry with John when he leaves! It's not just that john left the gang it's that one of his treasures left. lol

Hosea would have the ability to see the future but because of Micah, his visions have been confusing lately. He keeps seeing Micah as a murderous dragon but Hosea says nothing cause he doesn't want Arthur to think he thinks Arthur is a monster. (also in the game Hosea says a lot of prophetic stuff, so it would fit)

Grimshaw would straight up be a witch. lol

(also, cause I didn't mention it before, Micah controls Arthur during the Strawberry attack. Arthur just doesn't figure it out until the battle with Micah at the end. Its why he got all bloodthirsty and why he enjoyed killing. Micah's influence taking over is why he felt broken.)

rivendellelve

yes to all of this!! i love Hosea being clairvoyant1! It fits sooooo well with canon. and just imagine - Dutch usually would accept Hosea's advice without question but suddenly Hosea's abilities don't work properly anymore and he can't fulfil his role as an adisor the same way as before. So Hosea thinks that's why Dutch isn't listening to him anymore

and he has no idea Micah is responsible for both.

and of course Micah controlled Arthur during the attack. Micah probably figured a high-stress situation such as this would be a perfect opportunity to test how far he could push Arthur with the level of control he already had over him

Grimshaw being a witch is awesome :D I'm pretty sure whenever someone was getting sick, she'd send Arthur to gather some herbs that she sneakily added to Pearson's stew. and what would've been a fulllblown pneumonia just ended up being a minor cold :)

also, can Uncle be a a satyr / pan? that way he could claim lumbago and goatlegs as reasons why he can't work :D

AcademySenseiIruka

Yes to everything! OMG, It's amazing how well this AU is fitting the canon. lol

I think Marry should be half muse. But she doesn't want to be someone's inspiration, she wants to be an author.

Molly should be some high elf princess runaway. Cuse it fits her personality.

Going back to what you said about one of the girls being a warlock... well I read a story a long time ago about this warlock who's magic was stronger the drunker he got. So Karen? Like usually she's just a normal human but when she gets drunk things start to levitate.

I keep wondering what Dutch would be. He needs to be something impressive because his overconfidence would be why he never suspected Micah when he should have. But nothing is really coming to mind.

Can Duffy be a Centar? lol

Maybe Sean would be a tall leprechaun? or is that too much? lol Nymph maybe?

rivendellelve

:D :D :D drunk Karen OMG I can totally imagine her being completely hammered and the most random things start happening. (and actually she's even more powerful sober but trauma and lack of confidence has her convinced she needs to be drunk to be able to use her powers)

and I love Mary-Beth deciding to be her own muse and not somebody elses :D

I think Sean tells everyone he's a leprechaun bc that's what people assume and what random a-holes on the street yell after him. but actually he's a Selkie :D

and Kieran is definitely a centaur. that's why he's so good with horses :D

Maybe Abigail is a Medium? and can talk to spirits? she's been making a living like that but bc there are so many fakes she has to resort to cheap tricks like levitating candles to make people believe her. (she tried a show with Karen once and it worked like a charm. Until drunk Karen started to sing ring dang doo :D)

but Dutch is difficult indeed. I am almost tempted to give him either no abilities - fitting the theme of him raging against society even though being born upperclass / upper middleclass. only this time he's like society'll never accept us "monsters" even though he's the only one that isn't

or make him a vampire. bc his ego would definitely fit - vampires being quite canny in the art of mindmanipulation themselves. He'd be so sure no one could ever control him that he only realizes once it's too late. he probably has Pearson or maybe Strauss make him some special ointment so he can stay out in the sun

AcademySenseiIruka 

I love both your ideas for Dutch for different reasons. Love him being a normal human (or norm) I don't know why. I think it's cause it somehow fits his personality to be some average person but how he carries himself is what gives him power and authority. It also makes him being in charge more of an illusion. That said, I also love the Vampire idea. Perhaps one that feeds on animals, not people? I just think high honor Dutch wouldn't feed like that. But once Micah gets involved maybe he would. That could be one of the warning signs for Arthur and Hosea.

I think Lenny should be an apprentice of some kind. Cause he's young he doesn't know quite what he want's to be yet so he's kinda a jack of all trades.

Speaking of Jack, with his dad being a werewolf and mom being a medium, would Jack be both or would he have the abuility to talk with animals? Like comunicate with animal spirits etc?

rivendellelve

OOOOh Micah is the one who starts convincing Dutch to feed on O'Driscolls and Skinners and Lemoyne raiders bc they're "basically doing the world a favor" and it goes downhill from there

maybe Lenny was training to become a magician when his dad was killed and he never completed his training but Trelawney decides to teach him a thing or two

and Jack can definitely talk to animals :D it might not be clear enough for real sentences but he gets pretty good impressions and can like, ask a bunny for the nearest clover field and he'll know the direction and have a pretty good idea of how far away it'll be :D

AcademySenseiIruka

XD Yes, Jack would be their best scout. lol Also, Dutch would just have him talk to bunnies and deer to find the safest places to camp.

So this got out of hand :D but it was too much fun not to share. Maybe definitely we’re hoping someone goes and writes dragon!Arthur fic :D

(and if you do it would be awesome if you dropped the AO3 link or tagged us)

link to complete thread https://archiveofourown.org/comments/277788937

[youngkbf]

Boyfriend!Yangyang

Taeil | Johnny | Taeyong | Yuta | Kun | Doyoung | Ten | Jaehyun | Winwin | Jungwoo | Lucas | Mark | Xiaojun | Hendery | Renjun | Jeno | Haechan | Jaemin | Yangyang | Chenle | Jisung

anything is a date

going down to the convenience store at 2 am bc you're hungry and there's nothing to eat at home

going down to the bank to do adult™ things but taking the long way there to walk through the park and feed the ducks

visiting music stores and buying old albums

literally anything as long as you're having fun

kinda shy when it comes to pda but won't let go of your hand for anything

cheesy pick up lines

"you must be a broom 'cause you just swept me off my feet"

then he runs away giggling after planting a big smooch on your cheek

taking cute pictures of each other to use as your lock screens

and also ugly ones to use as memes

calls you baby

always takes food off your plate

denies it

debates on whether pineapple should go on pizza or not

smiles whenever you two hug bc his heart is all !!!

his ears turn pink when you go up to him and kiss him

scrunches up his face when you pepper kisses all over it

his hands are on your waist while you do it

cartoon marathons

tickle fights

hides his face when he's embarrassed

playful banter

laying in bed at night, staring at the ceiling and asking each other random things

"do you think birds were invented by the government to spy on us?"

"i hope not, i really like crows"

fixing your hair right after he playfully ruffles it

throwing a lot of junk food in the cart when you go grocery shopping

both of you refusing to admit that you're crying while watching a movie even though there are tears literally streaming down your faces

watching vine compilations late at night

quoting vines

Yangyang, at a store: *tries on a cowboy hat* I wanna be a cowboy baby

Kun: ????

you: *cracking up* I wanna be a cowboy baby

Kun: ??????????

buys you flowers once a month

it's bc he loves the look on your face when you get them so he'll keep giving them to you

no matter how hectic your schedules are, you always try to have at least one meal together

backpacking through Europe in the summer

all the old couples are like uwu at the way you look at each other

Yangyang looks so proud whenever he talks about you

your #1 hypeman

gets all giggly whenever you wear his clothes

like he walks in on you sitting in bed on your laptop with his hoodie and fluffy socks, hair still wrapped around a towel after you showered and he just jumps on you and attacks you with kisses

you don't even notice that you're taking care of each other

it's like a second nature

"hey, I'm going out"

"okay, don't forget to bring a jacket in case it gets cold. And don't forget to take your vitamins. Text me when you get there so I know that you're safe"

"i will. Love you"

"love you too"

calls you like three times a day just to tell you he loves you

i feel like Yangyang is really observant so he'll easily know whenever someone's flirting with you

also filters those who are a threat and the ones that aren't

will talk shit with you on the way home about the ones that aren't a threat

will sit next to you and will not leave your side, pull you into a hug, kiss you until the other person, who he deems a threat, gets the memo and leaves

Yangyang doesn't even acknowledge their presence until they leave

"finally"

Yangyang doesn't like fighting with you

you're his weak spot and he feels like he can't really control his emotions whenever he's around you

so the both of you will say things you don't mean and cry when you shouldn't simply because the fact that you're fighting with each other is too much for you to handle

it hurts you more the words you spit out than the words that are spit at you

you never go to bed angry, even if it means having to stay up all night sulking in opposite sides of the house until you talk things out

hand on the back of your head when you hug and kiss to make up

for the next few days he'll be extra clingy but denies it every time

admitted it once while drunk but since he didn't remember it the next morning you didn't bring it up either

Yangyang is a gift from god, whoever ends up with him will be blessed pls protect this babie

feedback is appreciated :)

[seungmin-wrecked]

Literally no one cares but here's my worst travel story:

So I go to a school 2-3 states away. Which according to Google, the college is a 9 hour drive, however, bc my family can't just drive 18 hours in one day to come get me and drive home, I normally take a train that goes across states. This train ride is about 6/6 and a half hours long. Not to mention :) the time you can buy tickets for this train at midnight and 3 am depending on which station you're leaving from (so if I'm heading back home, the train leaves at midnight. If I'm heading back to campus, the train leaves at 3 am). Keep this in mind :)

So the drive to the train station is a long one. It's about 4/4.5 hours long of a drive since the train station is in another state than the one I live in. So my dad decided to book a hotel like 15 min away from the train station, but not in the same city as the train station since prices were cheaper that way. We left the day before my train was supposed to leave so March 7th. We left our house at like 1 pm, and I had slept till 11 am since I had stayed up a bit late the night before. I slept in the car on the way to the hotel and was feeling pretty good!

We decided to waste some time looking around the town we were in, ate dinner at 3 pm, and actually had to go hunting to go find a place to print my train ticket since I had forgotten to (we eventually found a Staples 3 towns over and an abandoned mall that had bad vibes from the outside). Time passes and we head back to the hotel about 7 pm, but there's still a bunch of time before my train left. My boarding time that day was 4 am since daylight savings time was ending so we were supposed to jump forward, so it was really like my train was still arriving at 3 am. Amtrak suggests getting to the train station at least an hour before your train is supposed to arrive, so my dad and I agreed to leave the hotel at like 1:15 am. My dad fell asleep, but I was still pretty awake since I had gotten so much sleep already so I decided to read Manga on my phone until it was time for us to leave. We left the hotel on time, arrived at the train station early and thank goodness it was pretty empty. I managed to sit by myself and the train ride was relatively nice! Like it usually is.

Now here came the issue. The city I was arriving in, I knew about three people who lived there. One person I couldn't ask a ride from, another one I could have but there were already issues there, and so I asked the third person I knew there first. She was able to come get me!

.... Once she got off work!

...... At 1 pm.

Now I'm still very thankful she agreed to come get me, and I always will be. I have no idea how else I was supposed to make it to campus without her help, even though I would only be on campus for two weeks before getting kicked off.

However, my train arrived at 9 am. I had barely any money in my bank account and I had too much anxiety after sitting at the train station to get up and go get something from the vending machines, not to mention, I had no small bills on me. It was nearing 24 hours without substantial food, what I had eaten were some gummies my friend had gotten me for my birthday on the train, and that's it. It also came to my realization that while I was sitting there in the train station my p****d had started. There was no one in the station until about 11, since there was another train coming.

This lady approached me when there were like 5 other people at the train station (4 of them were Amish) and she asked me if she could borrow my phone to contact someone because she had left her phone in the Lyft she took to get to the train station. I figured why not and opened the app on my phone to dial phone numbers. This lady messes with my phone a bit and then hands it back to me with a new tab open with Lyft's customer service page open. I figured she was going to call her phone! Nope!!!! Now remember that I was reading Manga in the hotel room? Well I still had the tab up, and I can assure you that it was the one she opened the chrome browser up to. You'll never guess what fucking Manga I happened to be reading :)))) it was fucking Sekaii Wa (I can't remember the rest rn) but it's that one explicit bl Manga, and I remember being at a part where one of the character's may or may not have been naked :)) so I was fully screaming internally at this point. This lady had seen bl p*** on my phone and had given NO REACTIONS. She had to come ask to use my phone a couple of times bc she was trying to figure out what to do and at one point she just. Walked away with my phone.

After that had happened, a girl who looked very nervous came over and sat next to me, and asked me about how the train works since it was her first time. I also had to pee very badly at this moment too; I had needed to pee since I got off the train but was too nervous to get up and just go to the bathroom, not to mention I didn't have anyone to watch my stuff. I answered her questions and then asked her to watch my stuff. At this point I could create a temporary solution to the monthly problem happening and continue on feeling better about that situation since all of my pads/tampons were in my suitcase.

At this point it was 1 pm. For those keeping track, that is the time that my friend said she was going to be in work till, and a total of 22 hours since I had last eaten anything substantial. I was on my monthly, starving, sleep deprived, because also at this point I had gotten barely two hours of sleep on the train, which means about two hours of sleep in total for 22 hours also, and now irritated. I eventually get a text from my friend letting me know that she just got off work and was going to head home to shower and then come get me. I was just happy to know she was close to getting me.

3 pm rolls around. She arrives. I am tired, starved, irritated, in pain, and now surprised since my friend was NOT the only one to come get me. Oh no. Her mother had driven her and her sister to come get me. Which her family is lovely, they're so nice and really helped me out right before Christmas break when I needed to stay somewhere in the city before going to the train station at midnight. They pick me up, all is good. I'm still super hungry.

I am mildly lactose intolerant and when I am on my monthly, coffee messes me up (this is important for this next part).

Her mom turns towards me and goes "we're headed to Starbucks, would you like something?" my immediate response? Yes. Absolutely. My brain that is reminding me of the already horrid situation I am in, and telling me not to get coffee won though and told her no. I thought we were going to leave immediately after we came back to my friend's house. But oh no. She had laundry to finish, a resume to finish, and her mom wanted to take her to the grocery store to pick up stuff for her room. I went with for everything and ended up buying the oddest assortment of things (including almond milk, mandarin oranges, and canned soup).

My friend finished everything at about 6:30 pm and we were good to leave. I am so hungry at this point. Her mother had given me a slice of banana bread she had just baked and I had to refuse anymore bc I knew I would have eaten the whole thing given the chance. That was the most food I had eaten since 3 pm the day before. For those, once again keeping track, that is 27 hours. Again, I am in pain, irritated, hungry, and tired. We get into the car and as soon as we pull out of my friend's driveway I turned towards her and said "Can we please stop at the closest McDonald's. I am so hungry" she laughed and said sure. We passed at least 5 McDonald's. She then hits me with the "there's a Burger King like 45 min away, close to the school, can we go there?" and I just nodded my head bc I was just happy to be given the chance to eat.

We get to the Burger King and I am not kidding you. I ordered a Bacon Whopper with a side of large fries and large drink bc I was so hungry. I ate all of it before pulling into the driveway of my school. That burger is the size of my head and has enough fucking mayo on it for it to be it's own producer plant of mayo. It was heavenly.

I got all my stuff to my room (which was on the third floor of a building that only certain people could use the elevator) and passed out on my bed for an hour, woke up to tell my friend I was on campus. Did Not Touch My Luggage. And then passed tf back out till the next morning :)

TL;DR: I had the longest and worst travel of my life that lasted from 1 pm on a Friday till 7 pm on a Saturday, where I barely slept, ate, used the bathroom, and got heavily embarrassed.

[star-trekkin-across-theuniverse]

Resource Management, pt24

Word Count: 1897 Tags: @supermoonpanda @rayleyanns @sistasarah-sallysaidso @feelmyroarrrr @anyakinamidala @dirajunara @little-study-bug @rampant-salamander @goodnightwife @samaxraph99 @anotherotter  @outside-the-government @kingarthurscat @coyote-in-space @originalpottervengerlock @dolamrothianlady @curiositywillbethedeathofme @superheroesofbothuniverses @mtriestowrite @wanderingkat77

It was probably stupid to go home, not knowing if Garrett was going to want me back. I couldn’t see him needing me, but he was crazy enough to want to kill me, and it gave me pause. But I wanted clean clothes, and a shower, and something to eat. I wanted the comfort of my own home. I wanted to hold my passport in my hand, and know that if the world stayed completely upside down, I could escape home, into the forests of northern BC, and not worry about anyone coming after me. Of course, once again, I had no way into my apartment. Fortunately, once again, my super was a champ about letting me in. This time, however, he had more to say about my job.

“Did you even know, Annie? Sometimes the grunts don’t know,” he muttered.

“I had no idea, Bob.” It was true. I still didn’t have the details, but I’d known there was a HYDRA infiltration. But we’d never had the chance to figure out how deeply it went. Cecelia Banks was a genius.

“The grunts never know.” He patted me on the shoulder and pushed my door open.

“Thanks, Bob.”

“What are you going to do now?” He asked.

“Good question. I don’t know,” I admitted.

“You let me know if you need anything, sweetie. You’re a good tenant, and good people,” he rested his hand on my arm.

“Thanks, Bob.” I closed my door and went directly to the bathroom. I started running the tub, hot, and full of Epsom salts and bubbles, and poured myself a full tumbler of whiskey. I stripped down and dropped my clothes in the hamper before padding back to the tub, glass in hand. I slipped under the bubbles and sighed. I wasn’t able to let go of everything, but I released a fair amount of tension just letting the heat soak into me. I leaned my head against the tub surround and closed my eyes.

I must have nodded off. I heard a knock on my door, and realized my water had gone cold. I slipped out of the tub and into my bathrobe. I crept to the door as quietly as I could and peered out the peephole. There was no one there, at least, no one I could see. There was no way I was opening the door. I stepped away and went to get dressed.

I made myself a peanut butter sandwich and flopped down to turn on CNN. I wanted to know what all was going on. I kept the volume low, and heard a knock on my door again. This time I ignored it. I heard the door unlatch and open and dropped to the floor in front of my couch.

“Annie, it’s Bob. I have something for you,” he called. I crawled around the living room and came up behind my cracked open door. I peered through the peephole again to make sure he was alone. He was.

“Let me open the door, Bob.” I shut it and unlatched the chain to pull the door open. Bob stepped in, his grey work coat pulled closed. He pulled a gun and holster out and handed it to me.

“This is my service revolver, honey. I’ve been glued to the TV since that first flying ship came down. You need it more than I do.” He dug in his pockets and pulled out a couple of box of bullets.

“Bob, I can’t –“

“Way I see it, kiddo, you have to. You’re not the kind of girl to not be some kind of important. And if you aren’t with the terrorists, it means they’ll be looking for you. My money says you probably have some secrets tucked in your brain that someone would kill to keep quiet. Take the gun. You’re from the Midwest somewhere, right?” He interrupted.

“I’m from western Canada –“

“I’m pretty sure I have your mom’s address in St. Louis on your lease. I’ll forward anything important to you there,” he cut me off again with a wink. “You should really think about going home for a visit until this blows over.”

He shuffled back out the door and disappeared down the hallway. I felt sick. He’d worked for one of the agencies for years, and if he thought I should run, he was probably right. I went to start packing. I pulled out my backpack and carefully picked the stitching out of the big maple leaf badge. I only packed a couple of days worth of clothes, as I had lost my purse in the safe house somewhere, so had only the cash that was stuffed in the mason jar in the back of my baking cupboard to get me anywhere. And considering I’d already raided it once recently, there wasn’t much left. I changed into the same cargo pants and sweatshirt I’d worn the last time I’d be ‘on the run’, hoping for similar luck. It was a moment of weakness, but I really wanted Phil to sweep in and save the day. I wasn’t usually a Disney princess, but this time I really wanted to be rescued.

I grabbed a few things that I couldn’t live without, just in case I wouldn’t be coming back, and tucked them away in an inner pocket in my bag. I slipped my laptop into the padded back panel and zipped it closed. I took a final look around my apartment, mentally saying goodbye to my books. Everything else was replaceable, but the books would be a loss if I couldn’t return. I opened my desk to dig around for my passport, and couldn’t find it. I opened the next drawer and moved the papers in it around, but it wasn’t there either. I double checked the first drawer again and checked my night table. No passport. I knew it hadn’t been in my purse, I’d only used to it to replace the ID that had gone up in the first attack on the Triskelion, and clearly remembered putting it back in my desk. I pulled every single item out of both drawers, but my passport was gone. The small envelope that I kept my Canadian ID in was also missing. Someone was trying to trap me in the USA.

My heart started racing again. I had about forty bucks in cash and no identification. It was going to make a border crossing difficult. I could hear voices in the hall, and what sounded like the crackle of a radio. It stopped right outside my door. I slid everything back into my desk and peered out the peephole. A couple of guys carrying guns in black tactical gear were gesturing to one another. I backed away from the door and headed to the kitchen window. I looked out, but didn’t see anyone watching the window. Whoever they were, like Garrett, they were underestimating me. I slid my window open and hopped onto the fire escape. I climbed down to the alley and walked away from my building as calmly as I could. When I was sure I was clear, I sped up and didn’t look back until I was on the metro on the way toward the bus station.

It was dark in New York City when I got off the bus. I’d bought the ticket for the busiest place I could think of, where I had the best chance of blending into the crowd. It wasn’t until I was halfway there that I thought that I might be able to track down Tony Stark at the Avengers Tower.

I walked into the lobby of the building and approached the security desk.

“Can I help you?” The security guard was old, and his shoulders stooped forward a little. His silver hair was brushed straight back, and he had a big bushy mustache that reminded me of my granddad. I couldn’t help but smile at him.

“I need to see Mr. Stark.”

“It’s 10:30,” he put me off.

“If I know Tony, that means he should just be cranking the stereo in the lab,” I nodded. If he was here, I thought. The guard raised his eyebrows and looked down at the computer screen. He typed something in.

“He would have left a name if he was expecting anyone. There’s no list for tonight.” He shook his head.

“If you could just call up to him?” I implored.

“If you know Mr. Stark, like you say you do, you know he doesn’t like being bothered when he’s working,” the guard typed something else into the computer.

“I do know that,” I said, “but this is kind of an emergency.”

A tall redhead walked off the elevator towards us, talking on the phone.

“No, I’m telling you, this is a total mess. A building was literally destroyed by a helicarrier with one of our new proprietary engines in it, and I’m going to be doing damage control for days about why you have terrorists using your tech. So no, Tony, I am not coming back upstairs,” she sounded flustered, and the hair, coupled with the conversation, made me realize she was Pepper Potts. I wanted to reach out and grab her, but she looked over and saw me standing there and stopped.

“I’m sorry, Ms. Potts, I told her –“

“Who are you?” She interrupted the security guard. Tony was still on the other end of the phone, I could see the timer on the screen counting up airtime.

“Anna Ellis.” If I said it louder than I needed to, it was because I saw that the call was still live. Potts jerked her head away from the phone and glared at me.

“How do I know you’re Anna Ellis?” She demanded.

“Please, Ms. Potts. I don’t have any ID and I have three dollars and ninety-six cents left. I have nowhere else to go.” I wanted to sit down and cry.

“But how do I know you’re who you say you are?” She put the phone down on the counter between us and hit the speaker button. Tony didn’t say a word.

“Tony brought a bunch of art into my office a few weeks ago,” I started.

“Too easy.” They said it in unison.

“The Starry Night was fake, but the Sunflowers were real. The hideous art deco Iron Man print was the real focal point of the room though,” I continued. Potts shook her head, still not convinced.

“He added pages to my Thor scrapbook that wound up having some sort of computer chip embed in them that allowed him to hack the SHIELD servers and discover Agent Coulson was still alive,” I concluded. I had nothing else. Potts went pale.

“Phil Coulson?” She shrieked, “Tony, Phil is alive and you didn’t tell me?” If she’d been able to beat him through the phone, I think she would have. The elevator doors opened and Tony stepped out, then stepped back in. Potts spun around and stalked toward the mirrored doors, practically glowing red with rage.

“Pepper –“

“Oh no you –“

“Pepper, Annie needs me alive if I’m going to help her.” He cut her off and darted around her, pocketing the phone. I was so relieved on seeing him that I slumped down against the security desk and started to cry.

[eeveedel]

Hi I'm sure your inbox is filled with prompts rn but if you have the chance do you think you could write something about a group of guys or just one guy visiting from a very liberal town and openly flirting with Louis at the grocery store (if he still works there) and then Alex comes in and is jealous but they're nasty towards him bc he served in the war? And then it's a fight of protectiveness and standing up for each other and other cute power couple shit. Thank you! Love your drabbles!

Two weeks later.....hey. This was a really interesting prompt, thank you for sending it. As an FYI, this deals with period typical homophobia and yes, I’m aware that most queer people couldn’t be out openly to people this easily, please allow me the smallest bit of suspense of disbelief. Also, the smut in this one is bottom Alex. This drabble is far more than just the smut scene but if that bothers you, the smut is easy to skip. (Also, this, like, took a lot of work despite being short so maybe don’t be a dick about it if it’s not your preference) 

Anyways, this is part four (!!) of my OG verse, as it has come to be known. You can find all the links to the other parts here. This is unbetaed and all mistakes are mine. I hope you enjoy it! 

*

After Alex had been home for a week, Louis went back to work, and Alex went to look for a job.

Louis had taken a full week off from working at the store after Alex got home, probably by feigning health issues. But he couldn’t stay away forever, especially not when Alex’s final army pension would be coming in soon and then they’d be living off Louis’s income and whatever job Alex could scare up. Besides, Ms. Lawrence, God bless her soul, was six feet under and while her son had decided to keep Louis employed, he probably wasn’t nearly as forgiving as his mother if Louis took too much time off.

Alex had been looking for work for a few days now, but it still seemed like the town was dry out of jobs. Wilson from the pharmacy had told Alex he would hire him again if he could, but he could barely afford to pay the employees he had now. The same response came from the town bakery, the shoe repair shop, the bank. The best option for now seemed to be to sign up for one of the never-ending factory jobs a couple towns over, one he could easily travel to by train. But building the same guns he had once slung on his back seemed too much of a bitter irony to swallow for now.  

He tried to look again in one of the nearby towns, and this time, he wore his old uniform in the feeble attempt to make people pity him enough to give him work. A few told him to come back in a week this time. He considered it an improvement.

When Alex finally dragged himself back into town, it was late afternoon, almost five, and while it was still light out, but the sky was threatening to dim sooner rather than later. He could go home and change, still his uniform was hot and heavy, but it was also nearly the end of Louis’s shift, so he hurried his pace and headed straight for the grocery store.

He pushed the door open, and the bell sounded over his head. It was empty, too late in the day and also in the middle of the week, when barely anyone needed anything. But of course there was still one person there, and he looked up when Alex walked in. As soon as he met his gaze, Alex went over to the front counter, crossed his arms over the top, and then leaned over the surface.

“Hi,” he said, and Louis grinned.

“Hello,” Louis said, “How was your day?”

“Boring,” Alex said, “Fruitless. Typical,”

Louis’s mouth twitched and he shook his head.

“I’m sorry,”

“Doesn’t matter,” Alex shrugged, “I’ll figure something out,”

He tapped his fingers on the counter, making Louis glance down at his fingers before looking back up.

“I know I usually get off at five but I have to work an extra hour tonight,” Louis said, “I’m sorry,”

“You sure you can’t get off sonner?”

“Why, you gonna take me out?” Louis said.

He was joking, of course, but it still made Alex’s heart ache a bit, that going out wasn’t something he could even dream about doing for Louis.  

“No, just want you home for a bit,” he said, and Louis smiled again.

“You have me home every damn night,”

“Well maybe I want you a little more,” Alex sighed, “It’s been a long day, that’s all,”

“I’m sorry,” Louis murmured. If there were home, he would’ve reached out to stroke Alex’s cheek, at the very least, but instead they just looked at each other. Louis still managed to get a smile out of Alex, but before he could say anything else, the bell rang at the front of the store and Louis pushed at Alex’s chest.

“Make yourself scarce, I have to work,”

Alex laughed, and then jogged towards the back of the shop, ducking away so he was hidden by a few shelves. He still left enough of a gap between the shelves that he could see towards the front of the shop if he wanted to, and he glanced to the front now, if only to catch another glimpse at Louis.

Then he paused, not recognizing the people that had walked in. He knew nearly everyone in town, but there were two men at the front of the store he hadn’t seen before. Nice clothes, neat hair, easy smiles.

He stared for a few moments and then turned away, going back to pretending like he was paying attention to the shelf in front of him, and he just listened to Louis’s voice.

“Can I help you with anything?” Louis asked.

“Actually,” said one unfamiliar male voice, “We were wondering if there’s anything interesting to do around here. Only stopping in for a short while”

Right, definitely out of town. The man that was speaking had a higher accent, too. London, probably, somewhere further south.

“Don’t think you’re in the right place for that, mate,” Louis laughed, “We’re good for stopping by and not much else,”

“That’s a shame,” the same voice said, “Are you sure? How about somewhere I could take someone out for a good night?”

“We’ve got a couple pubs. Some of them have food, dancing,” Louis offered.

“Really,” the man voice was talking, and now his voice was pitched, intrigued, “You go a lot?”

“Uh,” Louis said, “Just when my flat mate wants to go,”

That’s me, Alex thought softly, a smile quirking over his lips, he’s talking about me.

“Hm. Well, anywhere you like to go then? When you’re not working here?” the man’s voice continued.

“Not really,” Louis said, “Maybe out for a walk,”

“Ah,” the man said, “Maybe we could take a walk together sometime,”

Alex paused, his fingers halting right over a newly emptied shelf of oatmeal.

That wasn’t something a stranger would offer.

“Uh,” Louis laughed weakly, “Not sure what you mean there, mate,”

“Just what I said,” the man continued on, “We could take a walk,”

“Well, I work. And I don’t exactly know you, either,” Louis said. His voice was careful, but also a bit cautious.

Honestly, Alex couldn’t quite figure out what this bloke was after, either.

“Right, I’m sorry. My name is James. Now we know each other,”

“No, we don’t,” Louis said flatly, and Alex almost laughed. Louis usually only used that voice for anyone in town that wasn’t Alex or a current customer. It was his annoyed voice.

Not that he blamed him. James – apparently – wasn’t exactly making Louis do his job.

“Well, maybe we could. You get off soon, don’t you, love?” James said, “We could go to dinner,”

Alex’s hand shuffled over the shelf, his fingertips trying and failing to grasp onto something.

He recognized those words from the lips of men asking girls to do something.

But this man…he was talking to Louis. In the open. He couldn’t be…

“Or if there’s nowhere you like to eat around here, I could cook you something. Don’t have a stove at my room, but I’m sure you have something at yours,” James said.

“Uh,” Louis said, “I’m still…not sure what you’re angling for,”

“Oh,” James chuckled, “Oh, I see,”

Alex finally glanced through the gaps in the shelves, getting a better look at the front of the store. James – or at least, he assumed he was James -- was tall, with dark hair, and he had both hands set on the counter and was leaning forward a bit, grinning, like Alex had been a few moments ago. His friend was hanging back but smiling almost knowingly at them. Louis had backed up, had his arms crossed and his brow creased.

“You’re very lovely,” James smiled, and Alex could feel something lurching in his chest for multiple reasons.

“He saw you through the window,” James’ friend piped up, “He wouldn’t go on until we stopped in to say hello to you,”

Louis’s forehead creased forward and he glanced between the two, his frown deepening.

“I don’t know what you’re talking about,” he said quickly, and James laughed.

“You don’t have to pretend with me, love,” the man smiled, “I won’t hurt you. I’m like you,”

Louis’s eyes widened a bit at that, and he glanced between the two of them and then the door.

Alex could have sworn he almost looked at the back shelves that were hiding Alex, but he couldn’t be too sure.

“You’re trying to pull, then,” Louis said flatly, and James smiled, making Louis rush on, “I already have somebody, anyways, even if – even if I’m whatever you think I am,”

Me, me, me, he’s talking about me, Alex thought, but his own voice was weaker in his head this time

“Oh, I see,” James said, but now he was laughing, like it was a damn joke, “You have a girl, then?”

“Yeah,” Louis said, “Yeah, I have a girl,”

That wasn’t even close to true. The girls around here mostly pretended like Louis didn’t exist, even though Alex couldn’t find a damn reason anyone would want to write him off.

“Darling,” James said, and no, that was wrong, this man was not only talking to Louis like this in the open but he was calling him things only Alex could call him, “Darling, it’s alright. I know,”

“What the bloody hell do you think you know?” Louis snapped. His back was now fully pressed against the wall, and he was nearly shouting. Alex really hoped Mr. Lawrence wasn’t upstairs in the apartment that had once belonged to Louis.

“Don’t scare him, Christ,” James’s companion laughed. Christ, they were still laughing.  

“You’re right, I’m so sorry,” James said, “Listen, I’ve gotten used to reading people. Particularly other men. I’ve learned to understand their…preferences before they even speak,”

“I don’t – “ Louis started again, but this time James cut him off.

“I’m not a cop, Christ, darling, I won’t report you,” he said, “I just saw you and thought, what a pity, such a pretty thing in this little town, probably got no one to give you want you need,”

He has me, Alex thought. He was gripping the shelf so hard he might break it or get splinters, whatever would come first. He has me and I would give him the entire world if he asked for it. Some day  I hold him in my arms and  I think that if I could, I would take my own worthless heart out of my chest so he could have one that beat properly.

Louis was still closed off, looking rather put off, but then. Then. James reached out, over the counter put a hand on his elbow.

“Come on,” James said, “I’ll be gone soon anyways, just give me one night,”

No, no, he couldn’t, Alex thought desperately. Well. Louis could do what he wanted. He could always do what he pleased and he would anyways.

But he couldn’t say yes to this. Alex would volunteer to go back to the mole before he had to stand here and hear Louis agree to that.

Alex came out from behind the shelves, then, a bit quickly, and immediately, three faces snapped to him. James dropped his hand off Louis’s elbow and smoothly stepped back, while Louis just stared at him, eyes wide.

“Private,” James said, folding his arms over his chest, “Passing through?”

“No, actually” Alex said, not looking away from Louis, “I’m home,”

James clearly noticed because he cleared his throat.

“Listen, if you saw – “

“He’s a friend,” Louis cut in, and then closed his eyes, “He’s a friend, it’s fine,”

“Ah,” James said, and then lifted his hand, gripping his chin as he glanced over Alex, “Why are you home so soon? Injury?”

“Discharge,” Alex said.

“What’d you do, then?”

“Nothing,” Alex sighed, “Evacuation during a mission and they apparently didn’t have a good place for me anymore,”

“Where was your last mission?”

For fuck’s sake.

“Dunkirk,” Alex finally said, and the man nodded, his lip smirking upwards.

“Heard about that. You’re one of them, aren’t you? The ones who had to go and almost made us lose the war?”

“That’s a bit of an exaggeration there, don’t you think, mate?” Louis snapped, “Were you two ever out there?”

James didn’t even flinch, but glanced over at Louis and smiled.

“Yes, actually,” he said, and then waved at where his friend was still lingering in the corner, “Henry and I were trained for the RAF, but we were dropped after a few months on honorary discharge. We were still in fire, though,”

“That sounds like shit,” Louis snorted.

James’ head turned back towards Alex and he frowned.

“Pardon me?”

“The fact that being in fire is something you just want to bring up with a damn smile on your face tells me you didn’t do shit,” Louis sighed.

James frowned even more, then glanced between Louis and Alex and then settled his gaze back on Louis.

“I’m sorry,” he said, “How do you two know each other?”

“Small town,” Louis said, but Alex spoke at the same moment, and louder, probably too loud.

“We live together,” Alex said, “I – I take care of him,”

“You live together,” James repeated, and then pressed a hand to his lips, glancing between the two of them again.

“Oh,” he said, “Oh, I understand,”

He motioned between the two of them, lifting his brows, and then kept a finger on Alex.

“Is this your girl then, love?” he smiled, still so sweetly, “She’s a lot rough around the edges, isn’t she?”

“Watch your damn mouth,” Alex snapped, and he heard Louis breath sharply behind him.

“Alex,” Louis said softly, “Just go home, okay? I can handle this,”

But James apparently wasn’t finished, and he plowed straight ahead.

“You’ve got poor options here, don’t you darling?” he said, “You know, if you don’t like me, I have so many friends who would love a pretty face like yours. Can have anyone you’d like in London,”

“Actually, I like him just fine,” Louis said coolly, “Don’t need to meet your friends to know even speaking one word to them would be a waste of my time,”

James looked at him again, his eyes wide and his face unreadable, and Louis sighed.

“You know, it’s shop policy that if you have no intention of buying anything, you should get out,”

James’s mouth hung open for a moment, but then he firmly closed his lips.

“Alright,” he finally relented and took a step back, “Henry, I believe we’ve been dismissed,”

Both of them started walking away, back towards the door, neither of them looking interested in even saying goodbye.

“Wait,” Alex called out, and James stopped, looked back and gave him a look.

“Just – “ Alex gulped, “While you’re here, you can’t talk about us. You can’t, please, if anyone here knew – “

“Oh,” James sighed, his expression loosening a bit, “You may not like me, but I’m not heartless,”

He turned away again, and Alex watched them through the glass of the shop’s front window as they retreated outside. He tried to calm himself before he turned back to Louis, but then he realized that was nearly impossible. His breathing was thick, his shoulders were tense, and his mind was never going to settle, not when there was a man here fucking flirting with Louis in the open.

So eventually, he turned back to Louis, frayed nerves and racing mind and all.

“I’m sorry, I just – “ he started to say, but Louis cut him off.

“Alex,” Louis sighed, “Just go home, okay? I’ll get our groceries before I leave,”

“But – “

“Please, Alex, go home,” Louis said a bit too sharply, and then he stepped from the counter, closer to the wall, “Please,”

Alex wanted to open his mouth. He wanted to apologize. He wanted to burst out of the store and chase down James and his fucking friend and ask them who they thought they were, coming here and making his life more complicated for no reason. Most of all, he wanted to drag Louis onto the floor by his shirt front and kiss him and tell him he loved him, adored him, wanted him to occupy every day Alex had left his in life.

Instead he caught the way Louis was looking at him evenly and he walked out of the store and found his way back home.

*

Louis arrived home by the time it was dark, immediately went to set a bag of groceries on the kitchen counter, and then promptly went over to the couch and leaned over to kiss Alex full on the mouth, cupping his cheek in one hand as he did so.

“I love you,” he murmured when he pulled away, and Alex lifted his chin and chased his lips, trying to get him to come back, and finally, Louis leaned back in and pressed his lips more firmly back to Alex’s own.

Louis finally pull back completely and straightened up, and he sighed and shook his head.

“I just…I needed to tell you that,”

“Thank you,” Alex murmured, and then reached out and caught Louis by the hips, pulling him closer. He reached up and unclipped the edge of his brace, making it fall loose, “Got too many damn clothes on you, doll,”

Louis snorted and set his hand on the top of Alex’s head, stroking his hair.

“Come help me make supper,” he murmured as Alex unsnapped his other brace. Louis laughed and brought a hand around his thin waist, grabbing at where his trousers were already dangerously loose on his hips, “I’m serious, love. I bet you didn’t eat your lunch today,”

“I had a little,”

Louis sighed and brought himself forward, and he leaned down and kissed the crown on his head, dragging his fingers through his curls.

“Everyone thinks I would drop dead without you, you know,” he huffed, “It’s the other way around,”

“Right,” Alex sighed, “You’re right, you’re always right,”

He pulled on the small of Louis’s back, drawing him even closer to him, and he lifted his chin, pressing his nose to the fabric of his shirt and breathing in the scent of washing soap.

“You’re wearing my shirt,” Alex mumbled.

“Uh huh,” Louis agreed, and Alex squeezed his side.

“Looks better on you,”

“Feel like you’d like it off better,” Louis said, and Alex grinned and nipped at his belly, making Louis shriek and pull away.

“Stop that,” he mumbled, and then tilted his head down, examining Alex closely before reaching out a hand and fiddling with the collar of Alex’s uniform shirt that he was still wearing.

“Take this off, please,” Louis said, and Alex managed to smile a bit.  

“You asked me to fuck you in this uniform when I first got it, you know,”

Louis didn’t even smile, though, just shook his head.

“Yeah, not now,” Louis huffed, “I just – you look so sad with it on,”

Alex’s smile immediately dropped, and he opened his mouth, but Louis pressed a finger against his lips.

“Don’t you dare apologize to me for that, I know that look,” Louis said, and then let his finger drop, “Just – Christ, get up so we can both get undressed and then make dinner,”

Alex nodded and then stood, reaching out for Louis first. His already loose trousers were easy to slip off his hips and legs, and Louis toed off his shoes on his own while Alex undid his shirt buttons. He didn’t really need to, but Alex also reached for his hips and pulled his drawers down, exposing pale skin, coarse, dark hair, and Louis’s soft cock. Louis just gave him a look and sighed.

“You damn well know what’s coming to you, then,” he huffed. But then his face stilled, his mouth hardening, and slowly, he reached out for Alex’s shirt.

He undid the buttons carefully, then gently pushed the fabric away to reveal his chest and stomach. Then he untucked his shirt, pushed it away from Alex’s shoulders along with his overcoat. Alex knelt down to loosen his bootlaces and once he was straightened back up, Louis unbuckled his belt, again, carefully, and then slipped his trousers and drawers off. Alex pulled his feet out of the puddle of fabric and took a careful step towards Louis, leaving the uniform behind. Louis just glanced up a bit, blinked, and then grabbed Alex by the chin and brought him down a bit closer to his own level.

“There,” he breathed against his lips, “There’s my handsome boy,”

Louis lifted his mouth and pressed a kiss to Alex’s lips, and then pulled away, releasing him.

“Help me cook dinner,” he said, and then dragged a hand over Alex’s chest, “Alright?”

Alex couldn’t come up with a decent answer so he just nodded.

As it turned out, dinner was simple, sandwiches and a hot soup that Louis made all the time because it had only three ingredients and it kept well. It was probably for the best that dinner was so easy because Alex could barely focus, between Louis standing so close to him, so bare and lovely, and the thoughts of what had happened earlier that they still hadn’t sorted through.

Louis had seemed angry earlier, and he was quiet now, and he had also given Alex a kiss in lieu of a real greeting and had undressed him carefully and Christ, Alex had just let him, hadn’t even brought it up.

Louis stayed quiet even when they ate dinner at the table, bodies still completely bare, and they left the dishes dirty in the kitchen and went to the bedroom. Louis went to take a bath while Alex laid in bed, wondering what to do next, because he kind of never wanted to think about the way Louis’s way had looked that afternoon, so unsure and angry and scared, but he also had more questions than he could probably try to sort through in one night.

Eventually, Louis came out of their bathroom with a thread-bare towel wrapped around his shoulders, and he smiled and padded carefully over to the bed, giving Alex a quick peck on the mouth before dropping the towel and climbing over to his usual side of the bed. Alex reached out and smoothed a hand over his hip and Louis’s mouth twitched, and he moved forward to kiss him again, but Alex spoke before he could.

“Baby,” Alex murmured, “Can we talk about this afternoon?”

He felt Louis’s entire body go coiled and tense under his touch, and he cursed himself for a moment before Louis relaxed a bit and looked up at him with wide, wide eyes.

“I’m sorry,” he said immediately, and Alex shook his head.

“I – it’s okay, I know you were mad at early, but that was my fault, I probably could’ve handled that a little better, but – “

“No, no,” Louis said, and he drew back far enough that Alex’s fingertips uselessly fell away from the dip of his waist.

“It’s not you, I mean,” Louis continued, his fingers curling tightly into their over starched sheets, “He flirted with me,”

“Yeah, I saw,” Alex said drily, and then immediately swallowed when he saw something flash over Louis’s face, “Baby, I didn’t – “  

“Are you angry with me?” Louis asked all the same, his voice shaking dangerously, and Harry tried again to touch him, only gaining a bit of purchase on his skin before his fingers fell away again.

“Baby, no. No, no, no,” he whispered, and Louis ducked his head at that, forcing Alex only to look at the crown of his head.

“I didn’t know what to do,” Louis said, “No one – a man fucking flirted with me in public, what was I supposed to do? I thought he was undercover, that he was trying to hunt us down and turn us in, and then you came in and I thought we’d be fucked for sure – “

“Shit,” Alex immediately mumbled, and this time gained a bit more purchase on Louis’s hip, drawing him closer, “I didn’t even – Christ, you’re right, I’m so sorry,”

“I don’t think they will,” Louis said, “ I mean, if they were really there to put us away they could’ve done it right then and there. But – “

Louis swallowed, and then his eyes went wet and he ducked his face into his hands, a weak gasp escaping his throat.

Alex’s heart lurched and he immediately gripped Louis by the waist and pulled him close to his chest, cradling the back of his hair, pressing weakly aimed kisses to his forehead.

“Baby,” Alex mumbled, “Baby, baby, baby,”

“Stop it,” Louis huffed weakly, curling a hand over Alex’s chest, “I think I get the bloody point,”

“Do you, though?” Alex asked, and Louis shook his head, his fringe rubbing over the base of Alex’s throat.

He was quiet, nearly too quiet, and then when he spoke his voice was raspy, thick with swallowed-down tears.

“He didn’t even hesitate. Just fucking talked to me like a bird would try to talk to you,” Louis said, and then slapped his chest weakly when Alex opened his mouth, “Do not. You know they’d be going after you,”

Louis inhaled again, and then his voice was softer.

“Just made me think that maybe there’s somewhere…that we could go and meet other people like us. Be more honest than we can be here here,”

“Maybe,” Alex said softly.

Maybe Louis could at the very least. Maybe one of them could get away from here.

Alex’s face must have gone tense, because Louis frowned and reached up, pulling his fingers over Alex’s temple.

“I hope,” he said, then paused, swallowed, kept going, “I hope you don’t think I would ever give him a glance. Or anyone like him,”

Alex blinked, and Louis smiled, pushing forward.

“Fancy posh boys with their RAF discharges,” he scoffed, rubbing a hand along Alex’s chest, “Probably got small pricks,”

Alex snorted but then laid still, and Louis sighed and lifted himself up to press a kiss to the side of Alex’s mouth.

“What’re you thinking?”

“How they probably wouldn’t have to hide you away like I do,” he finally said.

There were a thousand reasons what had happened in the shop was lingering over him. But the he realized now that what he had been lingering on most was the fact that there were men in the world, like him, like Louis, that seemed about as carefree as they could be in their situation. Meanwhile they were in a shitty flat they could hardly afford, and it was the only place in the world that was safe for them.

Louis just blinked at him, and he grabbed Alex’s face in both hands, gripping so tight his blunt nails dug into his cheeks.

“Ow,” Alex protested weakly, but Louis was looking at him with eyes made of blue fire, and then he was speaking again.

“Darling,” Louis said softly, but firmly, urgently, “My darling, darling, boy, you are the only person I ever loved who loved me back. You know that? Not my family, not anyone in this shit town. Just you,”

As he said it, his grip out tighter on Alex’s cheeks and jaws, and he probably could tell Louis to stop but goddamn it he wasn’t going to.

“Love,” Louis continued “You’re a pretty boy with a uni degree, and you stay here in this shit hole just so you can feed me medicine and keep me company. I would think you’d have to love me an awful damn lot for all that. That and you tell me every damn day of my life,”

Louis sighed, finally letting go of Alex’s face enough to run his palms over the sides of his face.

“And you know that I love you,” Louis said, “Right?”

Alex didn’t say anything, and Louis’s eyes flared a bit, his lip trembling as he kept speaking.

“I wake up every single day and my worthless heart feels too weak, like it can’t last another day, but I get up and I try to get it to understand that I need it to work, I need to keep fucking living because there’s this boy, this stupid, ridiculous boy that I thought I was going to lose but that came back to me, and goddamn it if I’m not going to do everything I can to see that boy’s hair go grey,” Louis’s voice was rushed and his words nearly tripped over each other and his cheeks had gone pink, but he kept going, “I am so in love with you, and I will love you here or anywhere else you want us to go but I don’t need anything else,”

He took a breath, nearly panting, and Alex could just stare at him and listen to the rhythm of his breath.

When Louis finally stopping panting, he looked at Alex with firm eyes.

“You better have gotten the damn point after that, I don’t have anything else in me,” he said weakly, and Alex laughed.

“I get it,” he said, “I – fuck, I’m never going to understand why you want someone like me, but I’m going to believe you for now,”

“Good,” Louis nodded, “Good, good,”

He leaned in and kissed Alex firmly, and even though he had done it so many times before that night, Alex still breathed softly in his mouth, felt his body relax as Louis wrapped an arm around his waist, felt himself warm from the inside out.

“You know,” Louis said when he pulled away, and then lifted a hand up to brush Alex’s fringe out of his eyes, “I haven’t had you in a while. You want that?”

“Fuck,” Alex breathed out, and then nodded, “Yeah, fuck, please,”

“Alright,” Louis smiled and then reached behind him to his bed stand, where they had left the Vaseline the other night. When he turned back he reached out and pulled on Alex’s hip, getting him to roll over onto his belly. Louis leaned over, kissing his temple, and then he dipped a finger into the pot of jelly and reached back, slicking over Alex’s hole before prodding at it more firmly, trying to open him up. Alex closed his eyes and tried not to push back into the touch too much, because fuck, it hurt a little bit and it was going to hurt more if he did that, but he couldn’t remember the last time Louis’s fingers had been back there.

Too damn long, apparently, because he could’ve sworn it took a good ten minutes before Louis slipped another fingertip in.

“You’re alright,” Louis said softly, and then kissed Alex’s temple again, “Not gonna hurt you, love,”

Alex nodded and blinked, becoming aware of the extra wetness that had built up at the corners of his eyes.

“I know,” he murmured, “I know, God, I know,”

Louis smiled and then pressed into more firmly, making Alex whine. Louis leaned in again and this time kept his lips pressed firmly to his temple as he pushed his fingers in and out until they were sliding easily, and Alex finally reached back and grabbed at Louis’s wrist.

“Enough,” he mumbled, “Baby, enough, please,”

“Serves you right,” Louis laughed as he finally pulled his fingers out, “You take a damn hour to make sure I’m ready, it drives me up the damn wall,”

“I’m sorry,” Alex said as he rolled over, and Louis rolled his eyes and grabbed for the Vaseline again, this time to take his cock in his hand and put sure he was properly slick.

“You’re forgiven,” Louis said and he put onto his knees and kept his cock anchored in his hand as he moved closer, “Do I have to tell you to breath deep?”

Alex barely had time to answer before he felt Louis pressing into him, and he quickly took a deep, shuddering breath and reached up and grabbed for Louis’s waist.

“Gentle,” he mumbled, and Louis smiled and nodded.

“It hurt?”

“I just don’t want to work yourself up too bad,”

“How noble,” Louis sighed, and then shifted his hips forward, making Alex gasp, “Shouldn’t even have to work too hard, you’ve been half hard since you took off my drawers,”

Heat flushed through Alex’s face, and Louis laughed and bent down to kiss him as he snapped his hips.

“Now see, why would I want anyone else when I have a boy who fusses over me even when he’s getting fucked?” Louis murmured, and Alex closed his eyes and whined again. Louis wasn’t even going faster, just moving his hips steadily, but it was enough, Christ, it was enough.

And then Louis grabbed him cock and started rubbing it base to tip, and his eyes snapped up and he looked up at where Louis was watching him, his face a bit slick with heat and slick, and he smiled softly as he kept moving his hips and his wrist in equal time.

“Yeah,” Louis said, “Love you here, love you in London, love you wherever,”

“Baby,” Alex gasped out, and Louis smiled.

“I know. I’m your baby, you tell me that a lot. And you know what? You’re my baby, too,”

Louis reached up and brushed Alex’s fringe away from his eyes, and he snapped his hips again, making Alex whine high in his throat.

He tried to open his mouth, tried to say something else, but Louis pressed his finger to his lips.

“Shh, baby, it’s alright,” he said, “Whatever you want to tell me you’ve told me a thousand times before and I’ll hear a thousand more times tomorrow. Just breath,”

Alex blinked, and he couldn’t even think of fucking James and the corner store right now if he tried. He only ever wanted to think about Louis and his smile and his eyes and the ring Alex wanted to buy for him one day, whether or not it would mean anything on paper or not, whether or not they could ever go outside together, really together, or not.

When he came he shouted, and Louis had to press a hand over his mouth so no one would hear, no one would know.

But then Louis kissed him carefully and picked his bath towel off the floor to clean Alex up, and as Alex watched him, he figured it was enough to keep this just for the two of them.

[prettyxlittlexwriter]

Blind Love

A/N: Thanks to @centerhabit​ for requesting this! I am so happy with how it turned out despite the fact that I've been so busy these past few weeks I was only able to chip away on this little by little. It hasn't been beta'd so please excuse any typos, I am so very tired. 

 centerhabit said: Would u mind making a Sherlock X reader where she's blind and he thinks she doesn't know who he is when they're on a date. When she tells him the truth that she knew he was Sherlock Holmes all along he's surprised. She kept her knowing his identity a secret tho bc he didn't want to take her case but it was only bc it brought bad memories for him??? But they still live happily ever after??? Hope that's ok!

“Unfortunately, I can’t take your case Miss L/N,” Sherlock said, causing the woman in front of him to frown.

“But…” the woman started.

“I’m sorry,” he said, cutting her off. She pursed her lips and closed her eyes, trying hard to reign in her disappointment.

“I understand,” she said at last. “Thank you for seeing me.”

“Best of luck,” Sherlock added, somewhat uncomfortably, as the disappointed client rose and exited his flat.

He watched her leave from his windows high above Baker Street; watched her out on the sidewalk, watched her getting her bearings, watched her turn and head North. Then, he moved. Grabbing his coat and descending the stairs until he, too, was out on the sidewalk, heading North. He stayed several yards behind her, although it probably wasn’t necessary to keep such a distance. One could afford a mild degree of sloppiness when tailing a blind woman.

She moved gracefully, so much more gracefully than most full-sighted women. She swept her cane out in front of her in small semi circles and Sherlock watched on, impressed, as she navigated her way to a small cafe several blocks from his Baker Street flat.

She’d come to him wanting answers about the accident that resulted in the loss of her sight. She’d been a manager at a bank on the Strand when it had been robbed at gunpoint. She’d hesitated a beat when they asked her to open the vault and she’d swiftly received a rifle butt to the back of the head, causing a bleed in her skull that damaged both retinal nerves.

Sherlock remembered her case. Scotland Yard had come to him asking for assistance in capturing the bank robbers, but he’d been busy. He’d dismissed the detectives, telling them that their case was of no interest to him. A week later, they’d struck again, and Y/N had been attacked. He’d read the police reports about her attack and her injury. He remembered thinking she was stupid to do anything other than comply with their orders and he hadn’t thought of the case again, until today.

As she sat in the living room of his flat that afternoon, however, he suddenly felt guilty for thinking she was stupid. She was well spoken, clearly highly educated. She had a small smudge of periwinkle blue paint on the inside of her left wrist as well as underneath the fingernails on her thumb and forefinger. She’d clearly been holding a paintbrush earlier in the day and he wondered why a blind woman would bother painting.

As she spoke, he quickly recalled the case and he realized that if he’d had taken it on back then, perhaps this woman would still have her sight. Perhaps if he had taken the case, she would actually be able to see the pictures she was still trying to paint. Feeling sick, he’d sent her on her way.

Now, here he was, following her into the cafe. He slid into a table towards the rear of the restaurant and pulled out his phone, pretending to be preoccupied with something on his screen, stealing glances at her as she sat, waiting.

Moments later, a waiter approached her, carrying a large Americano and setting it in front of her.

“Hey, Alan,” she said, smiling. “Thanks!”

“You’re welcome, Y/N,” he replied. “Anything else today?” “Nothing right now,” she said, handing him a few bills. “Keep the change!”

 Although he had never been a blind person, Sherlock knew that routine was vital to one’s existence. The same items stored the same spots, the same color clothes folded in the same drawers, the same order at the same cafe. With very little effort, Sherlock figured out her routine.

 John would say that it was stalking, which is why Sherlock didn’t tell his friend about his frequent his visits to the cafe. Or the long walks along the Thames. Or through Hyde Park.

He didn’t know how to explain to his friend that he was captivated by her. She was both intimately tuned into to her surroundings while at the same time painfully unaware. Spending time with her, well, a ways behind her, was like seeing the world through a fresh set of eyes. He watched her inhale the air by the river and wondered when he had stopped noticing the earthy, damp scent. He watched her bypass a rather mean looking dog only to stop a few paces further to pet a sweet, playful puppy and wondered with amazement how she could tell the difference. He learned that she loved the rose gardens of Hyde Park, even though smelling the flowers often meant her fingers got pricked by thorns, and that she loved to trace her hands along the carvings of the Rima sculpture there, as well.

They were having coffee at her cafe one day, separate tables, of course, when Sherlock realized that Alan, the barista who usually took care of her, was not there. He watched on, his anxiety growing as no one came to wait on her. Finally, he rose and approached the counter and ordered two large Americanos. He paid and turned, approaching her table.

“One large Americano,” he said, placing it in front of her the way Alan always did.

“Thank you!” she said with a smile. “Alan must be off today.”

“It would appear so,” Sherlock answered.

“Here you go,” she said, handing him her payment.

“I don’t work here. This is just… my treat,” He replied. “I insist.” “Well then at least join me?” she asked, reaching out with her foot underneath the table and pushing the chair opposite her out from under the table. Sherlock looked at it for a long second before replying.

“Thank you,” he said, taking a seat.

“I’m Y/N,” she said, holding out her hand.

“William,” Sherlock replied, telling himself that it wasn’t really a lie.

“Nice to meet you,” she said, still smiling. For a moment, Sherlock took advantage of her not being able to see him and took in the beauty of her face and smile. He’d grown quite fond of the sight from afar, but to be this close to it was nearly intoxicating. “So tell me, do you often buy blind girls their coffees?” Sherlock chuckled.

“This,” he said, relaxing a bit, “Is a first.”

The conversation flowed easily between them, surprising Sherlock. He’d intentionally kept his distance from her physically, but he hadn’t realized until now how close to her he’d begun to feel.

“I usually walk along the river in the afternoons,” she said, when she’d finished her coffee, “But it’s going to rain.” Sherlock glanced out the front window of the cafe and saw that indeed, the skies had grown dark and rather ominous looking.

“How could you tell?” Sherlock asked before he could stop himself.

“There are other ways to observe than just using your eyes,” she said, her smile making his heart feel light. “Would you care to join me for a walk through the museum?” Sherlock stared at her, wondering what a blind woman could enjoy at a museum.

“I would, actually,” he said at last. They stood and she led the way from the cafe, easily navigating her way through the streets as she chatted happily to him, explaining just how she could tell the change in the weather.

They arrived at the museum and had gotten safely inside just as the skies opened up and the rain began. Y/N carefully reached out and took his arm.

“Is this alright?” she asked, tentatively. Sherlock’s mouth suddenly felt dry and he nodded. “Was that a yes?” She teased. He cleared his throat.

“Yes,” he answered at last.

“Ok,” she said. “You lead the way. Tell me what you see. Describe it to me as if I were blind.”

“You are blind,” he said, confused.

“I know,” she laughed and he realized she was teasing him again. They moved from exhibit to exhibit, Sherlock carefully and concisely describing each work of art in as much detail as he was capable of. Y/N hung on his arm, enrapt, listening to his deep voice and gentle tone, fascinated at being able to see things through his eyes.

“I never used to come here when I could see,” she said as they neared the end of their trip. “I regret that. I come now and wander around, listen to other people seeing these amazing works of art.” She stopped and looked up at him, her beautiful eyes gazing at him, but not seeing him. “But no one has ever described them the way that you did. It was almost like seeing again.”

The rain had stopped and Sherlock waited until she got on the bus headed towards her home. He barely slept at all that night, thinking of the feeling of her arm looped through his, the warmth of her body pressed against his own, the look of wonder on her face, as if the art before them was coming to life in her mind's eye.

She didn’t seem surprised at all when he joined her at her table with her coffee the next day.

“Aquarium?” he asked and her face lit up.

They walked down the long halls, past the big tanks, pausing so Sherlock could tell her what each contained. She rested her head against his arm while he spoke, using all her remaining sense to enjoy everything about being with him. The feel of his rough jacket against her cheek, the deep timbre of his voice, the scent of his soap, laundry detergent, shaving cream and aftershave.

Eventually, they wandered into a brightly lit room filled with people. Against the back wall was a large tank, sitting only about three feet tall with an open top. As they grew closer, Sherlock could see people actually reaching in as large fish swam around. His eye landed on a sign explaining the exhibit and when he realized where they were, he could barely contain his excitement. He turned to Y/N.

“Would you like to pet a stingray?” he asked.

“Can I?” she gasped. Instead of answering, he led her right up to the tank. He gripped her wrist and carefully lowered her hand into the water and held it still. Moments later, a large sting ray fluttered by, its smooth skin brushing against Y/N’s sensitive palm. He watched her expressions change from shock to delight and couldn’t contain the laugh that escaped his lips.

“Here comes another,” he warned and she stretched out her fingers as another large ray saw by.

“They almost feel like velvet,” she giggled. “But slimy.” Sherlock released his grip on her and held out his own hand, allowing the rays to swim beneath it.

“You’re right, I wouldn't have expected that,” he chuckled. They pulled their hands from the water and still smiling, the dried off on the paper towels provided. Y/N allowed Sherlock to guide her away from the exhibit. Her ears strained for sounds of other patrons and when she was sure they were alone she stopped. He turned to see why she had  walking and she moved her hands to the front of his coat, feeling her way up the lapels, letting them guide her up toward his shoulders, then his neck until her fingertips found the line of his jaw. She couldn't see him, but she’d felt his warmth, heard his voice, inhaled his scent and as her lips found his, she could finally taste his kiss.

It was sweet and gentle and she wanted to savor every second of it. All her other senses heightened as his arms encircled her waist, drawing her in against him, his hands cupping her face, holding her lips to his.

“Y/N, I have something to tell you,” he said as he pulled away. His heart was hammering in his chest and he wanted nothing more than to kiss her again. He had to get the truth out first.

“Is it that your name is Sherlock Holmes and you’ve been stalking me for weeks?” she asked, a playful smiling tugging at the corners of her mouth. He gaped at her.

“What…? How…?” he stammered, stunned.

“Come on,” she said, shoving him gently. “I’m blind, which means my other sense are much sharper. I recognized your voice, the smell of your laundry detergent mixed with your soap and aftershave was all over your flat, the rhythm of your gait…”

“This whole time, you knew?” he asked, feeling less stunned and more impressed with each passing second.

“Yes, I caught your scent on a breeze down by the river the day I left your flat,” she admitted. “It made me feel comforted somehow, knowing you were with me.”

“Why didn’t you say anything?” Sherlock asked, bringing his fingertips up to gently brush across her cheek, tucking a strand of hair behind her ear.

“I was just happy to be around you,” she admitted. “And I was secretly hoping your presence meant you were working on my case,” she said tentatively. Sherlocks heart sank.

“Your case…” he said, swallowing down the lump in his throat. Taking her hand in his, he led her over to a bench and sat down beside her. He looked at her for a long moment, realizing that what he was about to tell her would serve to end this strange relationship just as it was beginning. “You deserve to know that it’s my fault you are blind.” He watched her brow winkle in confusion as the smile disappeared from her face.

“What… what do you mean?” she asked, her voice only a whisper.

“I was asked to take the case,” he said, his throat tight and his mouth dry. “I turned it down, I thought it wasn’t as interesting at the time…”

“Sherlock,” she breathed, but he cut her off.

“If I had taken the case, I could have stopped them before...before…” he stopped, his voice about to betray his anguish. She reached out and placed a hand on his cheek and he closed his eyes as he leaned into her touch.

“This was not your fault,” she said, quietly but firmly. “I’m not angry about being blind, Sherlock. I could have died that day. I could have suffered brain damage.” Sherlock opened his eyes and saw her smile. “I never knew what a rain storm smelled like. I never noticed the sound my paint brush makes on dry canvas. There are so many beautiful things in this world I was blind to when I had my sight. What happened to me was terrible, but it is not a tragedy. I may have lost my sight, but that doesn’t mean I can no longer see.” Sherlock swallowed hard.

“What do you see?” He asked gently and her smile widened She leaned in closer, pausing when she felt his warm breath on her skin.

“I see you, Sherlock Holmes,” she said before pressing your lips to his. When she finally pulls away, the ache in Sherlock’s chest has almost vanished. “And I’d like to continue seeing you… if you’ll let me.”

“I’d like that,” he replied, realizing just how much he actually would, indeed, like that.

“Good,” she said, standing and reaching out for him. He took her hand and placed it on the crook of his arm.

“What would you like to see now?” he asked. She smiled and leaned in close, whispering in his ear.

“How about your flat?” she said, smiling wickedly.

“But there’s really nothing to see…” he said, stopping when her expression registered with him. “Oh. Well. Yes. I can show you my flat. That sounds… yes.”

“Lead the way,” she teased, thinking about the different ways she could use all her remaining sense to experience Sherlock Holmes.

[leaughrilke]

super-sensate-seestras replied to your post

“Who do u think the superbabies will date?? :D (also since stella looks...”

I would love to hear more about Stella and Beth's relationship drama cause I absolutely love all of these breakdowns about the superbabies

WELL FRIEND there’s other drama too but this is the Major drama that hinders their relationship for a long time

so stella know she has a crush on beth, has been like aggressively ignoring said crush and tryin to Live Her Life and its been a year since stella came out, came to terms and she’s just started her nighttime shenanigans as a vigilante, just started trying to help the way kara does, the way maia does and its going ok???  until she.  you know.  gets stabbed (LIGHTLY STABBED) and is like hmmm i feel as though i should reassess maybe

and then beth’s back in national city after graduating early with like three bachelors (xenobiology, nanotechnology, and engineering) and at least one masters and a corresponding doctorate (in something sciencey, listen im barely an english major), working at l-corp bc she’s a Documented Genius and stella wants to step up her vigilante game, especially since she recently was lightly stabbed and doesnt rlly want that to happen again, and beth’s always been rlly calm and steady, very logical and she keeps all of maia’s secrets, so stella approaches her a little reluctantly to see if she’s willing to help and beth gives her this long, searching look and finally agrees, designs and builds her a new suit with a shitton of gadgets, is the main reason stella starts getting called mechagirl by the press but only helps with stella’s promise that beth can then help with actual missions bc like??  beth cares about her a lot too, doesnt want to see her die ya know??

and it’s weird??  bc now she’s friends with beth in her own right???  works alongside her a lot and beth serves as her tech person, finds her jobs she can do that supergirl or birdy (maia’s superhero alter ego) haven’t gotten to yet and national city gains a new superhero pretty much bc of beth.  and then its a late night of saving ppl and stella comes back to her apartment/headquarters and beth’s still there, wrapping up some end of night reports (she insists on keeping detailed logs in order to avoid any issues with the cops later on) and she’s ordered stella’s favorite takeout, put it in the oven to warm for her and stella’s so grateful and also pretty tired??  rlly tired and beth basically lives with her and sometimes the proximity blurs lines in stella’s mind and so she just leans down to kiss beth, murmurs thank you sleepily and goes into her room to change.  and beth’s just sitting there??  like oh my god, the girl i’ve been in love with for months just kissed me and she doesn’t even realize it but then stella REALIZES IT and runs back out like shit im so sorry beth, that was so inappropriate of me but beths like??  wait do you not like me and stella’s like WAIT DO YOU LIKE ME???? 

surprise!!  this is how stella finds out beth’s an alien and also how beth finds out stella’s an alien lmao.  like.  beth’s species has mental shields, similar to martians??  so stella’s never been able to read her or see in her mind but she never rlly tried to or even questioned it??  or even noticed bc she’s rlly empathetic anyway, reads body language rlly well, so she’s never known that beth likes her the way stella likes beth

like, later in their relationship, stella suddenly can read beth??  like rlly well and she’s like um what the hell and beth’s like oh, yeah, i stopped putting up the block and stella’s just like starry eyed like holy shit you trust me that much???  

beth’s like uh yeah but dont let it go to your head you nerd

but are they smart abt this and admit their v deep feelings for one another then??  no.  they just hookup and then keep hooking up, pretending like nothings changed, pretending like theyre not basically living together or doing all the shit Couples do but just refusing to tell anyone or acknowledge it at all.  and it’s ok for a while??  its solid

but then stella’s suit malfunctions, gives her a nasty burn down her side and she begs beth to not tell anyone that she’s in the hospital, that she’s been hurt and beth’s like shit, stella, i can’t keep doing this bc they’re working with a budget of about eleven dollars, a starburst, and stella’s bus pass, building with shit from the scrap yard and old electronics from secondhand stores and beth wants stella to just tell her family she’s the new vigilante bc then they’d have access to better resources, then beth wouldn’t be so scared every time stella runs out to go save a family from a burning car or stop a bank robbery, but stella refuses, knows that it would be a battle to be accepted like this.  

its a fight they’ve had for months before and then stella’s armor fucks up and beth just calls it.  tells her that she comes clean or beth won’t help her keep almost dying, so stella tells her that she doesn’t need her and beth moves all her shit out of stella’s apartment and its all rlly quiet, subdued and its so fucking sad

she takes the job offer she has at wayne security in charm city (wink wink) and doesnt tell stella, stella finds out when she goes over to her moms and finds beth there, with maia and her moms and finn, all laughing and grinning and maia tells her that beth is getting her own department at wayne security, that she’s moving on friday and stella fakes a smile, congratulates beth before she leaves and that’s the end of it, she never sees beth again

but then stella wrecks her motorcycle.  i think i mentioned once that stella is a little bit of an adrenaline junkie??  well she’s a huge adrenaline junkie and she was testing the limits of her newly redesigned bike, pushing it past 90, 120, 150 and then she just??  loses control of the motorcycle.  it just spins out and stella tries to stop it, turns into the spin and pumps the brakes which slows it down enough that she doesnt just fucking die, but not so much that she’s not close to dying

beth is still her emergency contact.  so beth gets the call, middle of the night, that stella danvers was in a wreck, is on the way to the hospital and that she should get here as soon as possible.  but beth is a ten hour drive away and can’t possibly know that she’d get there soon enough, be there if....if it came down to stella not being alone.  and.  well.  its not her place, never was.  so she calls lena, tells her the emts called the last number stella called bc its so much easier that way, kinder to everyone she thinks

she still drives through the night to national city.  gets there just a little after maia does, her eyes red and puffy from sobbing on the freeway, hands shaking a little.  thank god no one asks why she’s there or why she’s this panicked, bc she’d probably tell them and she knows that’s the last thing stella would want (or, well.  she thinks that at least).  maia just sobs out that beth is the best friend for coming, holds onto her in this desperate, damp sort of hug and beth just stays quiet

beth doesnt stay after she finds out stella woke up, is going to be okay.  she can’t right??  she shouldnt be here in the first place right??

so maia stays in national city to help stella in her recovery bc stella’s being stubborn and refuses to move back in with their moms, and maia figures most of her moping is to do with the fact she’s not allowed anywhere near her motorcycle anymore, but then she finds this one shirt that she knows is beth’s, knows beth has had since high school and its tucked under stella’s pillow and she puts it together pretty quickly.  the way they were friends and then all of a sudden they werent, the way beth came running back to nc the second stella got hurt, that weird pulse of anger, hurt she felt when stella found out beth was moving to charm city.  and like???  she doesnt know what to do with that information, she’s not sure what to feel or how to think about this so she just files it away for a later time, tucks the shirt back under stella’s pillow without saying anything

so eventually stella gets convinced to move back home, bc maia’s like hey.  i dont mind living with you and i dont mind helping you, but the neighbors are starting to think its weird that i carry you up the three flights of stairs to your apartment every day so finally stella moves home and maia comes with her bc they’re finally in a good place again??  they finally worked things out between them from when they were kids and maia’s not about to leave stella, not when stella’s like finally started seeing her as another Certified Safe Place.  so they’re back in their childhood bedrooms and then lena finds out about stella’s vigilantism.  mostly by accident??  stella’s still p much out of commission until her body’s at a 100 percent again but lena finds the mask and its a whole Thing between them, the first time stella’s ever really fought with lena and then by natural extension, kara finds out and then maia clues in and then the whole family has an opinion on it and stella’s just like MCFUCK OFF

and maia??  is like desperately scared for her sister, and she’s angry and she’s hurt that she didn’t tell her, didnt think that she would do anything to help her, but she also knows how isolated stella feels, how helpless she must be feeling, how stuck she is, so she calls beth

and when beth is beating around the bush with it, playing dumb like idk why you’d call me??  stella and i really aren’t that close, maia just calls her out on it like.  elizabeth, i know for a fact you were sleeping with my sister

oh

yeah, oh.  i have some words to share with you at a later date, but right now stella needs someone in her corner and that can’t be me 

and beth doesnt like.  doesnt even hesitate.  she drives her shitty beat up jetta the ten hours it takes to get from charm city to national city and gets a shitty hotel and is so, so nervous??  bc what if stella doesnt want her here??  what if she never wants to see beth again???  but then maia’s texting, saying that the house is empty if she wants to talk to stella and she does, she really does, like?  she didnt realize how big of a part of her life stella was until she was gone, until she had moved to a new city and met new people like she’s completely in love with stella, so she goes

stella opens the door and just stares for a second before she says that maia’s out for a while but beth just keeps looking at her and finally says it outright, says i’m here to see you, stella like its the most obvious thing in the world and stella’s so tired, she’s starting to close the door and she’s saying i dont need another lecture, i’ve had enough of those for a lifetime and beth lets her close it, knows her well enough to know she wont walk away from the door before beth does, so she calls through and says im not here to lecture you, stell.  i just.  i wanted to see you

the door opens

and its incredibly uncomfortable for a while, incredibly tense and when beth tries to ask her what’s going on, stella just hisses what, like you care?  and beth like??  normally would fire back with something, normally would let this blow up into a fight but she’s thought about it, she really has, and she knows that any time she can have with stella is better than no time at all.  that she’d rather take stella as she is, thrill seeking and too good for words and hard headed in the extreme, take the risks that come with her than have anything else.  so beth nods.  yeah.  i care.  i care a lot about you stella, and i shouldnt have forced you to make a decision like i did.  but its scary when the girl you love doesnt see the same value in her life that you do and it was terrifying watching you leave every night and not being sure if i would wake up to your face on the news

and stella’s like??  shit.  shIT, didn’t account for this at all.  but beth is very steady, is giving her this even-keeled look, keeping her eyes on stella but not forcing eye contact and she finally stands, gets ready to leave 

and she tells stella i love you.  and believe me when i say that transcends boundaries like platonic and romantic.  i love you, stella danvers, and i will always be here for you, in whatever way you want me to be and then she’s leaving 

and stella has a choice to make, two paths she can take and she stands a little unsteadily and grabs beth’s hand and pulls her back 

and she’s like im still pretty stupid, you’re aware of that, right?  and beth laughs, refutes the statement as she rests her forehead against stella’s.  you’re not stupid, stella, never stupid.  a little dense sometimes...  and stella laughs too before she admits, finally, i love you too, genius.  and i dont think i can keep doing this without you?  and she tries to backpedal, bc she’s worried she’s being manipulative or something but beth just shakes her head, says im going to kiss you now, ok?  and stella’s nodding fast, tears finally starting to fall when it all hits her and then they’re kissing for the first time in six months and theyre maybe still kissing when everyone comes home and maia groans bc like i texted you specifically so i could avoid seeing this ugh you guuuyyysssss

[survivormuxloe]

Episode 16: “I’m a petty bitch betta know that” - Scott

FUCK YOU RHYS HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHHAHA I SURVIVED GOAT ASS BITCH IM COMIN FOR THAT FIC WIN SO I CAN TAKE UR GOATY ASS TO THE END AND WIN I FUCKING DESERVE IT THAT WAS THE MOST STRESSFUL THING OF MY FUCKING LIFE HOLY SHITTTTTTTTTTTTT AS ANNA WOULD SAY IM HARDDDDD

Oh boy mo lost firemaking. Oh well. I tried. Not sure there is much hope in me winning, but guess I have to try. Ima be preparing a bomb ass speach, and a decent rites of passage. Not looking hopefully but like fingers crossed.

Also I think I’d make end either way now. Scott wants me in the end probably. Ryan wants me in the end probably. So if so. I get 2nd at the least. But I’m probably winning immunity anyway so ;).

ok its the day after.. n i finished my rop.. hopefully the jury likes it. LOL LIKE I WASNT GUNNA JUST KISS THEIR ARSES FUCK THAT im gunna be honest ab my feelings...

also like. kinda feel bad ab my confessionals last nite ab rhys.. i was a bit. excited. but. its tea. LAMFJBFHBFG

Final immunity is a little stressful. Like it’s the last one to win, if I win this that’s 5 individual wins. Just something more to put on my speech cause I’m gonna need it.

I’m feeling confident I can manage to pull out this win so like yeah I’m gonna have to work and try to win each part of this.

im actually gunna lose this fic which is super annoying bc it means i get 3rd LOL! aLMNFBFG

like memory lane i can win if im not dumb which i am so. winterbells i'll 100% lose like i lost to anna lol. endurance i'll 100% lose bc i'm such a forgetful slut i only lasted 40 mins in canadienne.... slide puzzles are legit my worst nightmare and then the mystery task i looked up from last ssn and it took them 11 mins so if i take more than that i lose... yay!

wow i can't wait to get 3rd place;;;; i feel like scott has gotten into rhys' ear and now i'm not the prime choice to be brought to final 2 grrr. at least thats what it seems like idk. ugh rhys doesnt deserve to make final 2 and it will make for a boring ftc zzzzzz who knows maybe scott or i can pull out an upset. i lowkey think scott would vote me out tho which is ugly and i would 100% be bitter at him idgaf KLFADHSKF

earlier i wasn't really sure what rhys and scott were thinking in regard to who they'll bring to f2, but since then i've talked w both more and i feel like 80% confident both will take me to final 2 so that's cute 8~] i don't think i'm doing well in the final immunity so far so i'm honestly banking on that lol.... as much as I think I'd have better chances against Rhys as the end, I am rooting for Scott to win it and bring me bc that is the ending this season deserves imho. i don't think there'd be a clear cut winner going into it and the ftc would be contentious as fuck... i hope at least lol. Scott def played a really dominant strategic game but def has some iffy relationships with jurors. I played a really purposefully utr game for most of the time but i think it's respectable, although there are some point against me like sitting out of so many challenges, that tie vote with jones voting early being the reason i was saved... but i think i can make a good case despite those faults and i'm honestly excited to show a new me at the live tribal. like i've been nervous as hell every time we had to go to tribal bc calling makes me anxious af, and that was def a contributing factor to me sitting out of the spelling challenge and even the card stacking one. so I'm planning on forming my case around that anxiety, and hopefully the contrast between my ftc performance compared to every live one before that will bank me the jury's respect. kind of like Kristie from AU survivor where she stunned the jury bc all game she had appeared so timid and dumb at tribals. hoping i can channel that energy and pull out the win hehe

so we got 5 and a half ish hours until deadline. uhm. i'm honestly really happy with my scores? like. i feel as if i have a big chance of winning this and that would be SOOOOO fucking good like both of them can smd honestly if they think im giving this chance up and getting 3rd or getting 2nd to ryan... like i love him but hes beyond dumb if he thinks im taking him to the end i cant throw a victory like that lol.

i dont wanna get 2 confident tho bc knowing my ass i'll be crushed if i lose this fic lol like at least if i dont i know ryan wins so it isnt that bad but it should be me!!! im a selfish cunt i need this jsjsjs

i say this after doing endurance for 5 and a half hrs so my brain is a little floopy rn :) forgive me :) aLFMNHFG

uhm ya. rhys can suck my ass as well with his OH IDK WHO I'D PICK!!! like bitch if u pick ryan enjoy a rerun of canadienne only this time ur losing unanimously lol

Honestly im done with Scott. Like stop being rude okay. Like I GET IT. YOU DONT WANT TO BE 3rd!. I GET IT. Like quit it with the "I dont want to wait to be cut", cause honestly, I dont know who im taking, OR IF IVE EVEN WON YET. so like stop it. Like ive been told im gonna loose, stop attacking me, because i essentially chooses who wins.

I think my immunity went good. I did good in all the parts I think.

ok.... time to guilt scott into bringing me to the end lmfao

Dammit I was so close to winning, but in the end from what I’ve heard I’d be the best choice for Scott to take to the end. So fingers crossed. Scott will take me there cause I really want to make the end. Even if I loose. I’m proud of my game and I just want to get as far as I can.

BIG FUN! CUS TONIGHTS THE NIGHT. bitchhh i get to pick who i want in f2 with me!!!

THIS IS SO EXCITING BC I LEGIT HAVE NEVER WON A FIC OR A F3 CHALLENGE BEFORE AND I FUCKING DID THAT!!! I SWERVED THAT VICTORY AND ITS SO FUCKING SATISFYING HOLY FUCKK

NOW IM GUNNA MAKE RHYS SUFFER EVEN THO IK IM PROB PICKING HIM BC HE WAS AN ASSHOLE LAST WEEK :)) IM A PETTY BITCH BETTA KNOW THAT

LIKE RYAN UNDERSTANDS IF I VOTE HIM N HE 100% VOTES ME TO WIN AND I DONT PLAN ON FLOPPING FTC SO :) BYE! UR WINNER IS HERE!

i feel like scott is gonna vote me out and i’m a bit gagged sbdbjsjsjs i really didn’t expect him to slit my throat like dis but. ig he wants to win badly and rhys most likely secures him an easy win so i cant blame him. still sucks though :C i thot we were solid dndjjdjs and ugh i dont wanna join that angry ass jury

ok so i'm still not giving up on tryna convince scott lol. honestly like i've made it this far in the game, no way i'm gonna accept defeat so easily. i don't actually know if it's better for scott to sit next to rhys than me, it probably is but seriously my game isn't amazing and i very well could see scott beating me. i think he's really overestimating how much the jury "hates" him like idk they aren't that petty, if anyone is it might just be michael. but scott really has dominated this game and everyone is aware of it, he should beat either of us.

So, this could be my last confession.

Scott, I don’t know where he was thinking. I thought it was general concensous that I was the one to loose. Yet here I am Scott is still unsure about who to take and it’s an hour 40 untill tribal.

So like this could speak well about my game if Scott worries he can’t beat me. It could also just be him wanting to take his best friend to the end. So yeah. I��m like 50/50 when I thought I should’ve been 99/1 about staying.

I can’t believe I’m here. I have a half chance at winning. That’s if we’re even which were probably not.

This is probably an uphill battle for me, so I have to go hard or I’m going home empty handed. I haven’t lasted this long just to come second. I do think I’ve played a winning game. I think I can make a killer final tribal preformance just to solidify my case. Hopefully this will be the third winner of celestial.

So final tribal happened.

Funny how has mo won that tiebreaker I would’ve lost unanimously. So thanks scott for winning that, and the FIC.

I think this could go either way tbh. However if I win it’s because of Scott’s bad jury management which isn’t the way I wanted to win. I would’ve preferred people to see my game more and respect that but because my moves weren’t big or flashy I have been put down to doing nothing.

it's 2 and a half hours until we find out the winner. am i nervous? absolutely.

do i feel as though i deserve to win? absolutely.

it just keeps ringing in my mind what ryan said in his speech that the jury seemed to root for rhys and be bitter against me. i feel as though my speeches and answers were much better than his and i was able to explain my game so much more clearer so i'm hoping that they reconsider and see that i controlled the game.

if i lose i'll be gracious and nice to rhys because at the end of the day it was my own fault that my jury management was bad but it'll definitely sting because i don't really see that he did much tbh alkfjhfg. i love him but it's tea. especially when he's said that i probably deserve it more. ):

i'm really just hoping for the best at this point! anything can happen and hopefully it'll be in my favour hehe. it's been an incredibly fun season and i wouldn't change it for anything else.

this has been mr scooty toots with his finale confessional, and hopefully mr scooty toots will join the winner and the hall of fame. hehe. will lowkey be awkward if i lose tho!! LOL but oh well alkdjfg

Scott wins in a 8-1 vote!