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saturnsbabyboii · 1 year

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The Black Moon Lilith in the signs and houses (Our core fear, inner saboteur, healing and transformation)

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Note: I heavily use the work of Laura Walker’s book that I will reference. I used her wording and point of view from the book because she worded better than I could. So don’t come for me with any plagiarism crap. Thank you.

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"power comes from strife"

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Black Moon Lilith operates on unseen levels. It pertains to hidden information, exposes secrets, and brings our core and primary fears to light. Fears from our shadow side cause us to undermine ourselves, and even others. Black Moon Lilith is the lingering feeling that stabs your consciousness and triggers you; If you don't listen to it, you'll grow vicious and paranoid of others and yourself.

My interpretation of the shadow is that it is the home of our primal fear. A fear that has significant power in our lives. It is based on primal, instinctual levels and operates on survival principles. The primary fear is a primary motivator for many of our life decisions.

In the book "The Astrology of the Black Moon: A Guide to Healing the Shadow Side" (Walker, 2011)

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The writer identified the twelve signs and their innate and core fears:

ARIES: fear of unworthiness

Theme: The Shadow of Success

Primary Fear: fear of unworthiness

Self-judgment: how well one performs or measures up

Issues: success; identity; questions about inherent value, self-esteem, and merit

Projection: others‟ success and worthiness are based on what they have attained or accomplished

Goals: to not compare yourself to others; to not measure personal success by anyone else standards, to value yourself as a unique expression of the Creator, therefore, creating self-esteem

Manifestation: The Black Moon in Aries manifests in the intense quest to be valued and feel worthy. However, a deep-seated feeling of unworthiness is in conflict with this quest, often causing beneficial opportunities to be passed up. In life, we are only able to receive what we think we deserve, and when we feel undeserving, we will avoid or reject people, jobs, or options that we feel are too good for us. Self-sabotaging behavior often occurs with the Black Moon in Aries. There can also be a need to prove ones worthiness to others, even in the form of subtle bragging. The Black Moon in Aries staunchly defends itself and rejects anything that does not fall in line with its ideas and beliefs.

Healing and Transcending:

With the Black Moon in Aries, the belief in inherent unworthiness must be faced. Simply by virtue of being born, we are entitled to and worthy of the joys of life. If All is One, then none are less than others. Each of us carries a spark of the Divine - none are excluded. Healing occurs when we are able to see ourselves as successful and worthy because we are a child of the Universe. When we recognize this, we understand that all other gauges are external and superficial. By holding ourselves in high regard, we naturally align with our highest and best.

Examine where you have settled for less than you wished.

Ask yourself what you would do if somehow, magically, a wand was waved and you were deemed worthy. Strive to connect with this vision.

Ask yourself how much the appearance of success plays in your life.

Ask yourself what you are always trying to win. When you discover the answer, decide if you really want it. Is it worth the effort? By practicing the awareness that you do not have to be the best in every situation, you will come to a natural state of internal balance.

Black Moon in Aries: Johnny Cash, Kurt Cobain, Albert Einstein, Elizabeth I, Mahatma Gandhi, Michael Jackson, Prince, Vladimir Lenin, Mary Queen of Scots, Justin Bieber, Katy Perry, Mark Zuckerberg

Black Moon in the 1st House

Challenges: The greatest challenges of the shadow are deeply related to how we feel about ourselves. The shadow side is ingrained in how we use our personal energy, what motivates us and our sense of overall wellbeing. Personal appearance or the way we appear to others is often a major concern. If the shadow is heavily in control, our behavior patterns will strongly reflect it. This placement of the Black Moon is intensely personal and our shadow issues will have a dramatic impact on our lives.

Gift: The gift of the shadow is the vast amount of personal energy at our disposal. This level of energy can produce fantastic healers and immensely creative individuals. We can accomplish monumental feats and have an uncanny ability to turn “negatives” into “positives.”

TAURUS: fear of scarcity

Theme: The Shadow of Security

Primary Fear: fear of scarcity

Self-judgment: how secure/safe one is by the level of comfort

Issues: having enough to feel safe; compulsive consumption; insecurities

Projection: the tendency to criticize others for being lazy, irresponsible (especially with money), or unconventional

Goals: to not fill the void with “things,” to stretch beyond your comfort zone

Manifestation: With Black Moon in Taurus, the more we have, the more comfortable we feel. In turn, the more comfortable we feel, the safer we think we are. With this placement, there is an intense need to feel comfortable because there is a generalized feeling of being unsafe in the world. The Black Moon in Taurus manifests in an almost insatiable desire to consume and accumulate possessions, money, or anything that makes us feel safe and secure. However, no matter how much we acquire, it will never be enough because the void that we are trying to fill cannot be filled in this way. It may be filled momentarily, but the core feeling of insecurity will soon return. Oftentimes, the end result of this constant attempt to satisfy the fear of not having enough is the accumulation of debt, weight, or responsibilities – usually the exact things we are trying to avoid. With this placement of the Black Moon, there is an intense need to feel satisfied. Insecurities are held very deeply and there is tremendous fear of others knowing those insecurities.

Healing and Transcending:

The belief that the world is unsafe must be confronted. Integrating the idea that we have all that we need inside is what heals this shadow. When we build on who we really are inside, we no longer need to accumulate possessions to feel secure. When we accept that all is going according to a divine plan, we no longer need to fear the events of the world. No matter what, each of us always returns to our Source. This is the security that Black Moon in Taurus seeks.

Cut back on whatever is filling the void. This will bring immediate discomfort and it will leave you with time on your hands. It is important to learn how to “not do” – to become comfortable with stillness. The next time you feel the need to take on more, buy more, or eat more, go and sit by yourself and put on some music, read, practice yoga or throttle down in some way. By practicing being still when you are most uncomfortable, you will be feeding your inner world and requiring less from the outer world.

Black Moon in Taurus: J.S. Bach, Patsy Cline, Howard Hughes, Abraham Lincoln, Wolfgang Amadeus Mozart, Wilhelm Reich, Henry David Thoreau, Vincent van Gogh, Lady Gaga, Kanye West, Lana Del Rey, Bruce Lee, Celine Dion, Joseph Stalin

Black Moon in the 2nd House

Challenges: The greatest challenges of the shadow are deeply related to how secure we feel. Financial considerations seem to plague us. The shadow side blurs the lines between emotional needs and material/financial needs; attitudes toward partners can hinge on security issues. The shadow side is ingrained in our value systems, which can at times seem at odds with our behavior.

Gift: The gift of the shadow is the generous, comfortable feeling we engender in others, resulting in many meaningful, lasting interpersonal relationships. People truly enjoy being with us, finding us not only charming but disarming.

GEMINI: fear of rejection

Theme: The Shadow of Acceptance

Primary Fear: fear of rejection

Self-judgment: how one compares to others

Issues: whether others approve or disapprove

Projection: labeling others as selfish; distaste for people who fail to do “the right thing”

Goals: to not care if people like or want you, to not compare yourself to others, to express your individuality

Manifestation:

Those with the Black Moon in Gemini are morbidly afraid of rejection. They are people pleasers, which often leaves them wondering “what it is we ourselves like and dislike”. This shadow manifests as a need to make decisions or act in accordance with whatever gains acceptance from others. It is damaging to the soul to pursue a life that others wish for us, as it comes at the expense of the expression of individual talents. Actions based on or motivated by another leads to a suppression of the true self. It is a great disservice not to explore who we really are. It is also dangerous to “over-do” for others in hopes that they will like us; ultimately it leads to burn out. At the other end of the spectrum, this placement causes sudden and severe reactions to anything that hints at potential rejection, often causing serious challenges with relationships because we will reject someone before they can reject us. The Black Moon in Gemini will bail out too early or stay way too long.

Healing and Transcending:

With the Black Moon in Gemini, it is necessary to face the need for others‟ approval. Each of us has something special to offer the world. What is important is not if others approve of us, but if we approve of ourselves. That sounds very cliché, but with Black Moon in Gemini we need to provide our own approval. When you are able to consciously put yourself on the line to be rejected, intending that the outcome will not hinder your spirit, you will have regained the power that is trapped in the shadow side. When the shadow is healed, rejection ceases to be an issue because inner acceptance has been achieved - creating a wealth of talent that is available to the world.

Examine where you are not being self-“ish” or operating from your true self.

When making decisions and planning your time and resources, ask yourself who you are doing it for. The answer should always be “for myself – for my highest and best which in turn serves the highest and best of everyone.” This doesn‟t mean you are supposed to forget about others; it means that you put yourself into the equation. Healing this shadow requires vigilant monitoring of your time, energy, and money and how you spend them. It will quickly become apparent when your energy is scattered and whose approval you are seeking. By practicing making little decisions based on your own needs, you will integrate and balance you in relation to others.

Black Moon in Gemini: Marlon Brando, Karl Marx, Frank Sinatra, Mark Twain, Mariah Carey, Joe Biden, Muhammed Ali, Frida Kahlo, Harrison Ford, Stephen Hawking, Shia LeBeouf, Kendrick Lamar, Yoko Ono

Black Moon in the 3rd House

Challenges: The greatest challenges of the shadow are deeply related to self- expression. The shadow side is ingrained in rigid attitudes and strong opinions that can cause us an endless amount of trouble. At times there is overwhelming confusion about the direction we want to take in life. Early life has a more pronounced effect on us than others. The outgrowths of childhood weave their way through later life in the most resolute ways. Issues with siblings can linger throughout adulthood.

Gift: The gift of the shadow is our uncanny, exacting powers of observation and communication. These talents can be applied in a multitude of ways. Also, our accuracy in perceiving situations gives us a definite advantage in life.

CANCER: fear of abandonment

Theme: The Shadow of Support

Primary Fear: fear of abandonment

Self-Judgment: how well one is supported; how much others do or give

Issues: dependency; co-dependency

Projection: tendency to dislike those we deem “needy”

Goals: to do things for ourselves, to not be dependent or “clingy”

Manifestation:

Black Moon in Cancer carries a pervasive feeling of being unable to take care of oneself. This shadow manifests in the need to manipulate situations so that one is dependent on others. In this way we are assured of not being alone. This distorted sense of support wreaks havoc on relationships, as others feel burdened or smothered. Many times with the Black Moon in Cancer we feel unappreciated for the things we do for others. The chronic feeling of not being supported halts personal growth, as personal needs are met by others, not by ourselves.

Healing and Transcending:

The dependence on others for support must be faced. We must provide our own support by not abandoning ourselves. This means taking care of and addressing our own needs. Action that is in favor of self-sufficiency is in order. Action that is undertaken for others should be unconditional. When the concept of Oneness is integrated, the idea of abandonment is no longer valid and relationships naturally equalize to a state of balance.

Begin doing the things that you want others to do for you all by yourself. The next time you need something that you would normally ask another to provide for you, go ahead and get it yourself. Begin with small things but work your way up to major ones.

Do something that you never would have done on your own. By practicing doing more for yourself you will balance the shadow that depends too heavily on others.

Set up individual systems of support such as retirement funds or other accounts.

Black Moon in Cancer: Jimi Hendrix, Henry VIII, Janice Joplin, John F. Kennedy, Jr., Malcolm X, Princess Diana, Jennifer Aniston, Elvis Presley, Jay Z, Robin Williams, Paul McCartney, Charles Manson, Naomi Campbell, Kobe Bryant, Rupaul, Paul Newman, Al Capone

Black Moon in the 4th House

Challenges: The greatest challenges of the shadow are related to our foundation and sense of home. The shadow is ingrained with an overidentification with home and much effort is devoted to cultivating a feeling of belonging. With this placement, relationships with parents (particularly the mother) are often difficult, especially if our parents did not provide a strong home. There is a tendency to be stuck in the past and/or unable to forgive and forget.

Gift: The gift of the shadow is the ability to not only be sensitive to, but accommodate other people needs. If we truly trust someone, we will provide whatever is necessary to make that person happy, making us exceptional partners.

LEO: fear of change

Theme: The Shadow of Order

Primary Fear: fear of change

Self-judgment: the level or station one has achieved

Issues: order; position; arrogance; self-centeredness; jealousy

Projection: distaste for or identification with overbearing, vain, or “selfish” people

Goals: to identify and vocalize others‟ talents and strengths, to identify the opportunities presented by changes, to eliminate feeling jealous

Manifestation:

The Black Moon in Leo assaults the ego. It manifests in egocentricity and arrogance. With this placement we are frequently accused of being selfish. This is because our attention is naturally attracted to whatever reinforces our position in life. Any ideas to the contrary are quickly dismissed. The fear of change morphs into the fear of losing face or losing position. Rigid attempts to maintain the existing order, framework, or mindset are common and can lead to exhaustion.

Healing and Transcending:

With the Black Moon in Leo, the need for classification and designation must be faced. In truth, there is no hierarchy – All is One. Change is the nature of the Universe and change brings the opportunity for growth. We each have roles that we slip in and out of; the key is to fluidly take on positions and situations where we both lead and follow so that nothing remains static. It is also important to remember that, by definition, Divine Order is never threatened.

Give to others. Black Moon in Leo has a tremendous capacity to uplift. ø When you encounter new situations, consider how you could empower someone else who is involved. How could you make them feel more important? Think about how you could give something of yourself to someone else.

When you are with others, practice trying to discover something very special about them in that moment and then casually mention it.

Try new things. By practicing changing the order of things, you are healing your shadow.

Black Moon in Leo: Charles de Gaulle, Ernest Hemingway, Elizabeth II, Lyndon B. Johnson, John F. Kennedy, Robert F. Kennedy, Marilyn Monroe, Vladimir Putin, Jim Morrison, Pablo Picasso, Christopher Reeve, Franklin D. Roosevelt, Leo Tolstoy, Barack Obama, Rihanna, Adele

Black Moon in the 5th House

Challenges: The greatest challenges of the shadow are related to the ability to truly enjoy life. This shadow is ingrained in pursuing, but having difficulty finding, pleasure. We are prone to take risks in order to feel stimulated. Issues with the father are found with this placement. The father may have been absent or neglectful, especially if Saturn is prominent. This shadow side may also center on children, either wanting children and not having them or not taking care of ones children.

Gift: The gift of the shadow is resiliency. No matter how disappointed we become, we are rarely down for long. We are excellent problem solvers and leaders. We adapt well to changes and can fluidly change course in mid-stride.

VIRGO: fear of failure

Theme: The Shadow of Ability

Primary Fear: fear of failure

Self-judgment: how much one works, progresses, improves, or fixes

Issues: feelings of being inherently flawed; self-criticism

Projection: feeling that others are not performing well enough or are incompetent

Goals: to not focus on flaws or failures, to not do things to excess, to not feel responsible to fix everything

Manifestation:

Black Moon in Virgo finds flaws and then internalizes them. This shadow manifests in chronic dissatisfaction, particularly with oneself. With this placement, we often find it difficult to feel positive about ourselves for great lengths of time. All too soon, a generalized feeling of being “not good enough” creeps back in to maintain internal disequilibrium. Black Moon in Virgo constantly challenges our abilities and, in an effort to prove ourselves, we tend to maintain a very full schedule. We work very hard but can have trouble seeing the forest for the trees, as we operate under the spell of having to do more and more to prove to ourselves and others that we are not flawed. This shadow is the most adept at self punishment.

Healing and Transcending:

With the Black Moon in Virgo, the need to find fault must be faced. A healthier state of mind is achieved when we recognize that nothing is absolute – there is no absolute right or wrong. All levels of ability have something to contribute. Healing this shadow requires understanding that flaws are an illusion. The crucial thing to understand is that when we have the Black Moon in Virgo, we interpret the feeling of separation from Spirit as somehow our fault. Everyone has the feeling of spiritual disconnection, but Black Moon in Virgo personalizes it. This is the root cause of why we feel flawed. To heal the shadow, we must accept that to some degree, this feeling is merely a by-product of the physical experience of life.

Examine where you feel you have failed. Upon closer inspection, what caused the “failure?” Was it really your fault? Was there really more you could have done or was it just not meant to be? Can you forgive yourself and others for not doing better?

Can you walk away from “failures” and feel enriched simply by having had the experience? Time is the true test of what is, at the time, perceived to be a failure. By focusing on the experience as opposed to the outcome, the shadow of ability is healed.

Black Moon in Virgo: Alexander Graham Bell, Benazir Bhutto, Sigmund Freud, Galileo, George Washington, 14th Dalai Lama, William Shakespeare, Jon Bon Jovi

Black Moon in the 6th House

Challenges: The greatest challenges of the shadow are related to health and work. At times there can be problems with co-workers, particularly regarding perceptions of our work performance. The shadow side is ingrained in the level of self-discipline we have. We may be accused of being disorganized. There is also a tendency to vacillate between ignoring our body and focusing too much on it, leading to concerns over health.

Gift: The gift of the shadow is a keen insight into the interrelatedness of things. We often hold a warehouse of information that others find helpful.

LIBRA: fear of loneliness

Theme: The Shadow of Perfection

Primary Fear: fear of loneliness/isolation

Self-judgment: personal “flaws” are harshly judged

Issues: perfection; unrealistic expectations; boundary issues

Projection: criticism of others, particularly the criticism of how things appear

Goals: to not have to have things be perfect, to be comfortable being alone, to see gray - not just black and white, to not be judgmental

Manifestation:

Black Moon in Libra values impeccability and holds everything and everyone to a high standard, especially oneself. This shadow involves pursuit of the “ideal” and keenly feels the separation from spirit. The Black Moon in Libra manifests in intense self-judgment and fragmentation of the self into pieces that are either acceptable or unacceptable. This shadow breaches boundaries and sorts through everything in an attempt to perfect it. It seeks excellence. This results in an unending series of disappointments and can form schisms in relationships. Maintaining any semblance of perfection is exhausting for anyone, but with the Black Moon in Libra, we often find ourselves complaining about being tired or not having enough time. Indecisiveness and self-deprivation are also characteristic of this shadow.

Healing and Transcending:

With the Black Moon in Libra, the need to judge must be faced. This shadow is strongly connected to the journey through the judgment of the Underworld and subsequent rebirth in a whole new way (see Chapter Five on the transits of the Black Moon). It is actually a journey to find what is truly of value. When we are able to see that love is truly the only thing of value, we find inclusion instead of separation. We begin to love all of the parts, not just some of them. When we understand that everything is connected, we see that the fear of separation is an illusion. Healing the shadow of perfection is about seeing our own (and others‟) inner perfection by allowing the “ideals” of the outer, material world to fall away.

Assess your values. When you find yourself being critical of others, ask yourself if you dislike that same thing in yourself. Examine how you separate yourself from other people. Is there a need to keep some part of you distinct from others?

When you find yourself being critical, find something valuable about the situation. You might not feel like certain things about you or others are perfect in appearance, but you may find that they are highly valuable in functionality. By practicing finding value, the shadow that believes in the idea of perfection is healed.

Black Moon in Libra: Ralph Waldo Emerson, Benito Mussolini, Tupac Shakur, Nikola Tesla

Black Moon in the 7th House

Challenges: The greatest challenges of the shadow are related to partnerships and commitment. This shadow side is urgently motivated to seek mutually-fulfilling relationships, which are often elusive. Also, other people find ways to take advantage of us, sometimes to the point of betrayal. Many times life seems unfair to us and others would probably agree. In the midst of this, there can also be issues of dependence or neediness.

Gift: The gift of the shadow is our ability to perceive and create beauty from the smallest things. Innately tuned toward balance, we easily see what is missing and then endeavor to rectify the situation. This is a very valuable skill that can be translated into many different applications.

SCORPIO: fear of loss

Theme: The Shadow of Death

Primary Fear: fear of loss

Self-judgment: based on what one has won

Issues: winning vs. losing; issues with death/endings

Projection: rescuing others

Goals: to not always have to win, to learn how to have closure, to not have to rescue, to not struggle so hard

Manifestation:

Black Moon in Scorpio will go to extreme lengths to save, assist, rescue, or win. This shadows favorite prize is something that was hard won. The Black Moon in Scorpio manifests as a deep well of despair with desperate attempts to climb out. We cling or attach to anything that stems the feeling of free-falling through life. Daily life is frequently viewed as a battle to win in order to stave off deepening feelings of loss. Sometimes even casual encounters are judged according to what was won or lost in the exchange. Black Moon in Scorpio is very strong energy that can cause intense levels of anxiety. We are especially attracted to people who are in need of assistance or who are “persecuted” in some way, as this is the preferred method to vicariously save ourselves.

Healing and Transcending:

With the Black Moon in Scorpio, the need to struggle must be faced. Nothing is ever really lost because there really is no death – only transformation into a new form. There is no need to plunge to the depths just to prove that we can win or to try to keep things from ending. Practicing the arts of gratitude and surrender is what facilitates the shift from the perspective of loss to the perspective of love. Material things fall away, but love endures forever.

Become comfortable with losing. It is essential to let go of anything that you are overly attached to.

Examine where you have invested most of your energy. Is it a losing battle? Instead of dealing with loss in an indirect way, consciously take action to give up. Imagine how relieved you would feel.

Take steps to practice ending the smallest things (like phone calls) and work up to being able to step away from situations that cannot be saved (like dead end relationships). You may be surprised to find that something else was waiting all along - you just couldn’t see it while you were busy running away from it. This is the nature of death or endings. They always precede rebirth and beginnings.

Black Moon in Scorpio: Alexander the Great, Winston Churchill, Nostredame, Steve Jobs, Emily Dickinson, Pope Francis, Walt Disney, Jeff Bezos, John D. Rockefeller, Albert Schweitzer, Mother Teresa, Eminem, Taylor Swift, Johnny Depp, Beyoncé, Dwayne Johnson, Notorious B.I.G

Black Moon in the 8th House

Challenges: The greatest challenges of the shadow are related to death, inheritance, investments, and sex. This is the most difficult house placement for the Black Moon. The shadow side is ingrained in loss; in fact, we may feel that our lives lead only to loss. With Black Moon in the eighth house, chronic anxiety may be present.

Gift: The gift of the shadow is our great depth of compassion and ability to see beyond the surface. We quickly ascertain people true motivations. Our wisdom and insight is a great benefit to those with whom we are close.

SAGITTARIUS: fear of meaninglessness

Theme: The Shadow of Truth

Primary Fear: fear of meaninglessness

Self-judgment: based on intentions and motivations

Issues: issues related to truth and honesty

Projection: distaste for people who lie or people who are naïve

Goals: to not have to have the ultimate answers, to tolerate the ordinary, to not always need “proof”

Manifestation:

The Black Moon in Sagittarius manifests in an intense relationship with the concept of “truth.” There is a great need to discern the superlative truth in all things, which causes a never ending sequence of questioning. More importantly, we need to feel like people are telling us the truth, as we do not automatically believe anything simply because it was said. Relationships can become stressed if our partners feel that they always have to prove that they are telling the truth. Themes of deception often play a role in our lives, perhaps as a victim of deception. Ongoing questions about not only our purpose in life, but the purpose of life characterize this shadow. Feelings of stagnation are not tolerated well.

Healing and Transcending:

With the Black Moon in Sagittarius, the need to continue searching must be faced. At some point, one must simply believe. Ultimately, all searching for the truth leads back to the truth that All is One. What is meaningful? Whatever we choose as meaningful is meaningful. This shadow is healed when we see that each of us has an interpretation of truth, which eliminates the need to find one superlative truth.

Take up the mantle of responsibility for creating meaning in life. Meaningfulness is found by assessing what is truly important. What is meaningful to you? When you know the answers to this question, you will have created truth – the truth according to you. Devotion of your life to your own truth heals the shadow that never believes that truth really exists.

Black Moon in Sagittarius: Helena Blavatsky, Napoleon Bonaparte, Thomas Jefferson, Carl Jung, Martin Luther King, Jr., Jack London, Claude Monet, Ronald Reagan

Black Moon in the 9th House

Challenges: The greatest challenges of the shadow are related to our outlook or philosophy in life, religion, spirituality, higher learning, the law, and the world at large. This shadow is deeply concerned with issues of morality. We hold strong opinions, often leading to conflicts with others. There is a tendency to feel disconnected from others or from ourselves. We may even feel compelled to isolate ourselves from the world around us.

Gift: The gift of the shadow is a keen intellect that we are able to translate into many fields of interest. Our knowledge encompasses a wide spectrum, affording us the ability to relate to many different people, should we so desire.

CAPRICORN: fear of neglect

Theme: The Shadow of Control

Primary Fear: fear of neglect/ not being acknowledged

Self-judgment: how well one stands out or apart

Issues: control issues; attention-seeking behavior

Projection: negative reaction to bossy, showy, or attention-seeking people; rebellion against being told what to do

Goals: to be comfortable when not in control, to stand up for yourself

Manifestation:

The Black Moon in Capricorn manifests as a need to control the course of events. When this shadow dominates, we have a tendency to be demanding. We can go to extreme efforts to gain attention. We have definite ideas about the way things should be and others often succumb to the force of our will. Frequently we refuse to give up until someone – anyone - acknowledges what we have to offer or agrees with what we think is best. A little bit of recognition goes a long way with us, but so does a little bit of neglect, and Black Moon in Capricorn has a long memory. But interpersonal relationships suffer when we wear down another free will to come into compliance with our own. This results in lackluster relationships where the joyful spark of life becomes extinguished. We are very hard workers, but we can also expect a lot from others.

Healing and Transcending:

With the Black Moon in Capricorn, we need to examine what we are trying to control. We also need to give ourselves the recognition we seek. When we are able to do this, there is no longer a drive to ensure that others follow our wishes because we already have what we need.

Examine where you need to have your way. Observe yourself carefully. Are you telling someone how, when, or what to do? Practice allowing others to go about tasks in their own way.

Ask others what they would like to do and then do it. Enjoy the feeling of not being responsible for everything. Freedom, spontaneity, and a joyful feeling for life will return when the pressure to be a certain way is removed.

Black Moon in Capricorn: Leonardo da Vinci, Farrah Fawcett, Jacqueline Kennedy Onassis, Machiavelli

Black Moon in the 10th House

Challenges: The greatest challenges of the shadow are related to ambition, authority, social status, and responsibility. Tradition and family obligations are important us. This shadow is ingrained in a sense of duty and high aspirations, and we closely monitor our progress in the world as compared to others. We hold high standards and expectations, which can cause interpersonal difficulties if we demand too much from others.

Gift: The gift of the shadow is our ability to persevere. We are hard workers who take more than our share of any load. When we give our word, we do everything in our power to keep it.

AQUARIUS: fear of powerlessness

Theme: The Shadow of Power

Primary Fear: fear of powerlessness

Self-judgment: based on the impact/power one has to get what one wants or needs

Issues: power issues; power struggles

Projection: distaste for weak or undisciplined people

Goals: to learn to ask for help, to not overpower others

Manifestation:

The Black Moon in Aquarius often manifests in a powerful sense of loneliness. Usually we are keenly aware of our intense personal power and are somewhat frightened by it. Our skills and aptitudes can border on genius, often giving us an air of considerable authority. We have strong faculties and diverse talents that can be used to uplift or to crush others. Black Moon in Aquarius is a force rivaled by few, and the temptation to dominate others can become an ongoing battle. It is simply all too easy to emotionally and intellectually overpower others. Ethical concerns can arise, as we are prone to test our limitations. In situations where we feel powerless, we tend to isolate ourselves so no one will see our “weakness.” This self-imposed prison is rife with internal brutality, as we tend to unleash cruel criticism on ourselves for not being stronger.

Healing and Transcending:

With the Black Moon in Aquarius, the tendency to overpower others must be faced. When we recognize that we are all connected, there is no need for anyone to overpower another. Everyone has strengths and weaknesses that fluctuate and change over time. The extra boost of power that accompanies Black Moon in Aquarius can be re-routed back into the collective of humanity in the form of brilliant ideas and creations that uplift the whole. A channel or outlet for this power is what is needed to keep it from blowing up. When the focus shifts to sharing power, all benefit.

Examine if you abuse your power by neglecting or criticizing others. Do you take advantage of others, however unwittingly? Or do you neglect, criticize, or overextend yourself?

Ask yourself what you would do with all of your power. It is very important for you to answer this question. Are you more afraid of your power or your powerlessness? Discerning the parameters of personal power is what heals this shadow.

Black Moon in Aquarius: Robert Oppenheimer, Genghis Khan, Ludwig van Beethoven, James Dean, Jacki Kennedy, Salvador Dali, O.J Simpson, Amy Winehouse, Kid Cudi

Black Moon in the 11th House

Challenges: The greatest challenges of the shadow are related to our hopes, wishes, and dreams. The shadow is concerned with how we fit into the collective of humanity. Issues of the “self versus others” follow us and we may find that we are often accused of being selfish or self centered. Change is usually difficult for us to handle.

Gift: The gift of the shadow is the ability to bring people together. We are natural networkers. We are also interesting people to be around and are true innovators.

PISCES: fear of vulnerability/harm

Theme: The Shadow of Trust

Primary Fear: fear of vulnerability

Self-judgment: based on how stable ones emotions are

Issues: trust issues

Projection: distrust of people who are “too nice” because they must want something

Goals: to let down your walls with the appropriate people, to be able to discern who is appropriate for you, to focus on self as much as others

Manifestation:

The Black Moon in Pisces is tender-hearted. We are afraid that if others discover this, they will use it against us. There is a tendency to judge people and situations based on the potential of being hurt. We may find it difficult to be open or fully intimate with others. It is often hard to trust others and we test them until we feel safe. This shadow can show up overtly (in unmistakable emotional walls) but it can also show up subtly (appearing on the surface to be very open, but upon closer inspection having definite commitment issues). On the flip side, we can also make commitments before trust is gained. By prematurely trusting, we face betrayal or disappointment. In this way, a vague sense of safety is maintained since a deeper sense of intimacy is never attained. The sense of being separated from Spirit is acute with Black Moon in Pisces and the intense desire to not be present in the “here and now” can lead to emotional addictions, addiction to substances, or escaping our own issues through focusing on others.

Healing and Transcending:

With the Black Moon in Pisces, the need to put up a wall of protection must be faced. The truth is, life can be painful and people hurt us whether they intend to or not. We need to learn to trust the people we know we can trust. Usually this is the person we are with the most, but proportionately open up to the least. We tend to hold ourselves back, but this is a crime against our souls because we are naturally closest to Spirit and have much to share with others. Our shadow is healed when we trust that we are strong enough to withstand any offense.

Ask yourself when you feel most vulnerable. In what situations do you cross your arms and cover your chest? How do you cover up or cover over who you really are?

Consider who you physically, intellectually, spiritually, and emotionally open up to the most? It is important to look at the level of trust you have in the people around you and honestly assess if your trust is well-placed. Balancing the shadow of trust is just as much about not placing trust in the people that you know you shouldn’t as it is about allowing someone else see who you really are.

Black Moon in Pisces: Jesus Christ (allegedly), Prince Charles, John Lennon, Gerald Ford, Judy Garland, Angelina Jolie, Mike Tyson, Madonna, Harry Styles, Miley Cyrus, Ariana Grande, Leonardo DiCaprio, Al Pacino, Elizabeth Taylor

Black Moon in the 12th House

Challenges: The greatest challenges of the shadow are related to unconscious motivations, addictions, institutions, and enemies. The shadow is deeply ingrained in anything that is hidden. By its very nature, the Black Moon is hidden, making this placement difficult to understand. There is often a side to us that is unknown to most people. We may have a degree of emotional suffering that is not evident to others until they get to know us.

Gift: The gift of the shadow is our ability to empathize with others. We seem to easily give to others that which we may not be able to give to ourselves. We are complex people who can handle complex tasks and material with aplomb.

╚══════════════ ⛧ ══════════════╝

"Primary fears subvert our personal growth and feelings of happiness. Oftentimes they impede our success because fear is what stops us cold in our tracks when we are venturing into unknown territory. Our choices and actions are directly proportional to the level of control our shadow exerts over us. When the fear that is contained in the shadow side is dominant, we feel unfulfilled and unsatisfied." - (Walker, 2011)

Reference:

Walker, L., 2011. The Astrology of the Black Moon: A Guide to Healing the Shadow Side. Austin, Texas: The Dog Publishing.

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redjademilktea · 2 months

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I've talked about this before, but with the final episode of Downfall and the Cooldown that followed it I feel the need to write about it again.

The morality of saving the gods of Exandria was never going to be clear cut. Stopping Ludinus, stopping the Ruby Vanguard maybe. But there's an important conversation to be had about the nature of divinity that needs to be had. And Downfall makes this discourse more salient and pressing than it's ever been.

I really liked what Brennan brought up in the Cooldown, about "achieving enlightenment on their terms," or suffer the fate of "not being able to understand." The gods as they exist have protected and will continue to protect the way of being that allows for their continued existence. They dismiss anything that challenges that existence - anything that makes them confront the nature of mortality, as Brennan elegantly phrased it - as something not worth considering. As something that simply doesn't grasp what one needs to grasp to do what must be done.

And if doing what must be done means calling a truce in their great war. If that means collaborating with the very siblings on the opposing side of that conflict, which has led to so much loss of mortal life and desecration of the face of Exandria, then so be it. It has to be done. We are mere children, we wouldn't understand.

I'm reminded of Ann Stoler in her book "Along the Archival Grain," along with Avery Gordon's "Ghostly Matters." Both authors talk about the lengths and extents colonial states go to legitimate and justify their existence through the policing and curation of knowledge. It is in the best interest of the colonial state to produce and maintain knowledge that justifies its being. They are doing what they do because they define it to be right, to be just.

And those contradictions? The holes in colonial logic born out of the anxieties and fears of losing that legitimacy? Those inconsistencies that necessitate their reproduction and continued existence? Poor child, you do not understand. It is the right thing to do. There are things at play that are beyond fathoming for you. It simply must be this way. It is right for it to be this way. Fallicies and contradictions in colonial logic become justified and legitimated via the production of knowledge produced from the colonial archive to reproduce itself.

The knowledge of the divine killing weapon. The people, the complex, ephemeral, fleeting, textured, beautiful, pained, vibrant lives of those that held that knowledge. That knowledge that was spread to touch every soul on that floating city. All of it could not persist. For them to persist would mean the possibility of the way things are, the way things are ought to be from those who know better, could come to an end.

So it must be this way. The city must fall, despite its infinite arcane beauty. Lives must be lost, and so too must their chance for redemption, for a new beginning. All things must come to an end, if that means preserving the infinite. Family must persist. *They* must persist. And so it must be this way.

I say all this to highlight the fact that the morality underlying the theme of this campaign is not clear cut. The nature of it prevents that. The members of Bells Hells are not good or bad because some of them remain ambivalent to the existence of the gods. No single one of them is inherently right or wrong.

But you cannot argue there is a "right" answer when it comes to the gods. They simply are. Much like anything simply is. And what their existence means, especially for what it means to the lives of mortals on Exandria who must suffer the consequences of that divine existence, must be reckoned with.

I really am impressed with the bold scope of thematic ideas that Campaign 3 introduces and continues to grapple with. It is phenomenal story telling, and is strikingly resonant with the enmeshed struggles that permeate the very real world that informs the lives and experiences of its creators. All of them continue to blow me away every Thursday night!

#critical role #critical role spoilers #cr spoilers #c3e101 #cr downfall #exu downfall #I'm knee deep in literature review and discussing epistomology for my diss #in case you were curious what the fuck this all is

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mayaflowerxs · 2 years

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hi hun, if you dont mind can you make a fic of jaemin being all crazy for y/n but it starts off with them just sexting n dry humping till he goes all crazy for her. btw! i loved the affair series would love to see dream ver. :)

CRAZY IN LOVE

Synopsis: It was stupid really, you were bored and treated the app as a joke. You just never would have thought the man you began sexting would be your best friends boyfriend and at that an obsession beginning to develop.

Warning: Smut / Fluffish? / Angst . Swear word usage, Serious!Jaemin x Shy!Reader. Toxic relationship, pick me best friend, cheating,TW! mention of suicide, conflicted feelings. Reader is a bit of a push over + character development. Takes place in college. Blue: Jaemin, Pink:Reader

A/N: Hi love! Hope you enjoy and thank u sm! I haven’t considered making one for dream but maybe after I’m done I may think about it!

Pairing: Jaemin x fem reader

You felt like a shit person. You hate fake people, players even and yet here you are doing the very thing you despise. Being bored isn’t a good enough justification for it, your interest was peaked the second you scrolled by the app in the App Store. A cold rainy day that left you alone, cold and in the dark of your dorm. Roommate was out doing god knows what, your best friend could never really be cooped up for long. The cold rain drops fell on your window that laid beside your bed. Tiktok wasn’t interesting, no movies on any movie platform seemed to catch your focus. Wednesday playing in the background for the sake of keeping the room completely dark and silent.

‘HEARTSTRING, the best most popular app for young adults ready for a relationship!’

What harm could it be if you tried out the app right? It’s not like anything bad could really come out of it.

“And so I was like, Beverly you have to stop shitting around and like fucking cut the chord. He’s not interested in you anymore. I mean yeah have we been having a bit of flirty banter here and there, sure but-“

The chitter chatter of his girlfriend talking his ear off began to muffle as Jaemin focuses his attention on his cell phone. He wasn’t exactly in the best mood, it’s fucking cold outside. His thick jacket he brought with now currently wrapped around his girlfriend because of the refusal she had to bring her own. Currently sitting inside a vegan restaurant and a $50 dish that isn’t all that appetizing and fulfilling. With an hour worth of talking of all the boring shit his girlfriend has to ramble about, he feels it’s the least bit understandable he’s decided to do something he wants to do. Be on his phone.

His social battery only down by its last percentage, a small frown on his face as he scrolls through his feed. Boring and bland, only a small story of Jeno’s in which him and the boys were currently playing the newest game. Months and months of hyping it up, waiting for its release and Jaemin is wasting his time on his 30th date. By now, his bank account is about ready to burst. A cry for help he swears he hears each time he picks up his wallet. Stopping midway scroll when an ad appears, ‘HEARTSTRING!’

Taking a quick glance up at his girlfriend and sees she’s still rambling on about girl drama as she continues to take pictures of her salad and posting them online. To say his relationship with Nayoung was perfect would be the furthest from the truth. If anything, he still doesn’t quite understand how he managed to get in the relationship in the first place. What was suppose to be a quick fling, resulted in Nayoung telling the entire school they were together. Her parents were quick in wanting to get to meet him, a very serious talk from her father had chills running up his arms. “Don’t you even dare hurt my little girl. You don’t know what I’m capable of son.” He’s tried to think of ways to get out of that situation but it’s only gotten worse when Nayoung got in touch with his parents. The thrill look on their faces when they were told their oldest son was finally in a committed relationship. Jaemin felt that maybe he would always be stuck.

And if that was the case, he might as well still have fun if he can’t walk away from her.

Setting up your account came to be really easy. You plan to delete the app by the end of the night, you’re not looking for something seriously and so far the app itself doesn’t look that serious either. It seemed everything was anonymous for the most part. With only using real descriptions and names, not personal pictures are to be added and instead icons. An app for anonymous chatting. For a while it seemed it was a scam, nothing good was happening other than the constant liking of each profile that propped up for you. You weren’t looking for anything specific, you just wanted to have a conversation and just as you were about to log out and delete it. A notification popped up.

na.jaemin0813 is typing…

Hey

Hello…

Did you get the app out of boredom as well?

It’s like we’re one mind

Guess we were meant to be ;)

Haha cheeky

You know it babe

So tell me, what’s your favorite conspiracy theory you can discuss for hours

Ooh getting serious are we?

Chatting with Jaemin didn’t seem so bad. In fact, you’ve come to enjoy your conversation with him, you didn’t expect it to go on longer than anticipated.

“Y/n im home!” You hear your best friend say as she closes the door behind her. Turning off your phone before you can receive the next message Jaemin was about to send you, a figure appears by your door way. “I’m fucking exhausted.” She huffs as she drops the many bags of clothes. A pout on her face as she slumps her shoulders. “Can you make me food, i am in a serious need of a bath.” “I still have some of my left over chicken Alfredo in the fridge-“ “You know I don’t eat left overs.” She makes a disgusted look, “Please! I’ll owe you.” She smiles before wandering off to her room. “You already owe me.” You mumble before getting out of bed and into the kitchen. The running water is heard a few minutes later with the sound of music playing soon afterwards. As you let the water boil for the pasta, you get back on your phone.

Where have you gone darling?

Already missing me ?

Given you’re someone who isn’t all that dry, who wouldn’t be?

So am I safe to assume you haven’t had great chats recently?

You’re the only one who hasn’t made the entire conversation about themselves and the many inconveniences in their lives

Ugh, those people are the worst.

The loud obnoxious singing of your best friend is what interrupted your conversation with him. Focusing back on her dinner as she spent the next hour an a half in the bath.

A sigh escapes Jaemin as he waits for the three dots to appear before exiting out of the app and moving on. The loud yelling of the guys are heard as he enters his dormitory. Busying themselves on whatever video game they’ve bought lately, “On your right!” Haechan exasperates. Taking the seat next to him, Jaemin had kicked off his shoes and rested them on top of the coffee table. “Oh you’re back!” He hears Jisung’s voice as soon as he entered the small living room. “Were you in my room?“. Shrugging his shoulders, he lifts up the cup of ramen in his hand. “You stash them in your room, finally found them.” “Yeah it’s exactly why I stashed them.” He shakes his head, hearing a notification from his phone he lifts it up only to frown when he sees it was Nayoung.

“I’m guessing the date didn’t go well?” Jisung asks. “She’s so high maintenance.” He sighs before closing his eyes and rubs his temple. “Why don’t you break up with her?” Haechan asks him, half of his attention on the flat screen tv. “Because if I break up with her, her father will break my face I thought I told you already?” “Oh right- move you fuck!” Getting off the couch, Jaemin walks over to the kitchen table and takes a seat keeping the maknae company.

Lets go out tomorrow!

Shutting his phone off, Jaemin doesn’t bother responding back. Mentally and socially drained to respond. “I’ll be in my room.” He murmurs not bothering to get a response back. The door to his room gets closed behind him, falling on his bed as he feels himself about to drowse off until he hears another notification go off.

So do you study?

Third year in college :)

Really? Where?

Seoul National University.

No way really? I go there too!

We should get together sometime.

Already desperate to get to know me?

Yeah well, I’d like to be able to see the face I’m talking to instead of a screen.

Mm I don’t know…

Oh come on, are you gonna make me work for it?

Yep

Meanie :(

As the days went by the two of you have constantly texted the other. To the point people began to notice, “why are you always on your phone?” You best friend half heartedly asked one day, on her own as she busies scrolling through her feed. Eyes rolling when she sees one of her ‘friends’ post a picture. “Told her she looked ugly in that photo, can’t believe she still posted it. Eh, A+ for confidence i guess.”

Peeking over her screen she frowns when she notices you didn’t even bother answering her question. Instead, a smile on your face as you continue to text Jaemin. It’s been an entire week since you downloaded the app, an entire week since you began texting Jaemin and a week since you’ve been this lonely looking person. It made Nayoung wonder, you were never this preoccupied with your phone. If anything you never used it mainly because you didn’t have much going other than movies and tiktok. But this, no this can’t be a romcom or TikTok’s doing. “Oh my god!”

Jumping back startled, you look at her shocked face. “You’re seeing someone!” Scoffing, you shake your head and set your phone down. “Am not.” “So why did you set your phone facing down. Mphm?” “I always do that.” Stopping momentarily, Nayoung can’t tell if you were telling the truth. Unlike you, she isn’t that observant, she can’t even remember your birthday and only hopes she hasn’t missed it yet. “Don’t change the subject! Now tell me, who is it.” “No one-“ Poking you with her chopsticks, she leans closer. “Now, now it’s been AGES since your last relationship and we both know how that ended. Just want to see how this one’s like” A small pang was felt in your heart, you didn’t like to remember it. Your last boyfriend only used you to get closer to Nayoung. It hurt to know he didn’t even like you not once throughout your relationship. Broken up with him and getting the reassurance from your best friend is what got you through it.

“He’s not like that-“ “Aha! So you are seeing someone!” Sighing, you smile shyly at her. “Not really seeing if I have never met him. We only started texting each other. It’s only been a week.” You say with a small smile. A ding is heard and you were quick to check, a small chuckle escapes you and you’re entire focus was now back on your phone. You miss the small scowl your best friend has on her face. She wondered who this boy was, how is it that you didn’t tell her when all of this was happening? A bitterness began to bubble inside of her but she keeps it on the low and instead grabs the dishes and puts them in the sink.

“I’m going out, me and Jaemin got a date.” She says loud enough for you to hear her. “K have fun.” You say lowly, eyes still on your screen. Giving you one last glance, she makes her way out.

“Jaemin, are you even paying attention to me?” She huffs annoyedly at her boyfriend. “Of course I am.” He quickly typed out his last text before looking up at her. Rolling her eyes, she huffs and crosses her arms. “Is this how you’re gonna be when you visit my parents?” “Visit?” “Of course, mom has been wanting you to come visit and so I promised her the next time I fly out I’d take you with me! My friend will be coming too of course, poor thing can’t see her parents. It’s this whole drama thing she’s got going on.” She shrugs. Great another weekend ruined.

“Alright see you then.” A grin forms on her face, leaning in for a kiss before she was long gone to do shopping with her friends. Rolling his eyes, Jaemin sits back on his bed and unlocks his phone. His finger hovered over the contact. He wondered what you were up to, he was bored and a little moody that you haven’t texted him yet. Scrolling through your last few messages that he’s noticed have gotten more flirtier over the course of time.

Whatcha doin?

Why, you miss me? :(

Don’t be a brat.

You love it

And you love teasing me smh

Still mad…?

You sent a pic of your boobs while I was in the middle of class

I had blue balls for the rest of the hour

So you don’t want more?

I want you.

Aw what a cutie

I’m not cute I’m hot

Would you like to see?

Photo Sent

The text messages progressively got more flirty, from pictures of abs and cleavages. You made sure your face was no where in view of the camera. You don’t know where this confidence came from. You never sent such pictures before, and yet never would you have thought to begin sexting a stranger you met online.

Fuck y/n, I need to see you.

I’m sure your hand can keep you company

Fucking meanie

;)

“Y/n! I need help packing I just bought new clothes and I need your help making an outfit out of them!” You hear Nayoung enthusiastically shout as she enters the dorm. Slamming the door behind you, opening the camera app you take one last pictures of your chest down, wearing a black corset with a push-up bra you notice Jaemin swoons over. Sending it before shutting your phone off.

A huff is heard as you watch Nayoung drop down all her bags filled with clothes. “Okay tomorrow morning we should be heading down to my fathers cabin alright?” Nodding, she leads you to her room. Two large suitcases are taken out of her closet as she begins taking down all her clothes from the hangers. Looking at herself through the body mirror as she makes distasteful noises each time she comes across an article of clothing she no longer likes.

Do you like torturing me?

Are you fisting yourself rn?

Kinda have no other choice…

Good, go faster for me will ya?

It’ll send you another picture of me. Maybe something more revealing…

“Y/n? You listening?” “Yeah!” Looking from her bed, a large pile of clothes as she poses in the mirror. She peeked through her mirror to see how engrossed you were with your phone. A small frown as she still doesn’t know much about this guy you’ve met. “Beige or cream?” Showing you a scarf she plans to wear, she pretend to think. “Cream, doesn’t wear out your face.” Smiling, she turns around and continues to check herself out. “So who exactly will be going?” Hearing the sound of another text coming from Jaemin, you take a peek to see he had sent a picture of his own.

“Oh just my parents, some childhood friends and my boyfriend. “ “Speaking of boyfriend, will I be meeting this boy you’ve been messaging?” She wiggles her brows. “Nope, I still haven’t met him yet.” You chuckle. “Huh..” she breathes out before posing in front of the mirror. “So how are things with your boyfriend?” you ask. “Things are great! I’m so happy to be with him, he’s so sweet look he even got me this necklace.” Showing you the Diamond necklace you nod, you didn’t know much about this guy. If anything you never met him. It’s ironic how much she’s mentioned him and yet has never said his name. You don’t know how old he is, how he looks. Just that he goes to the same college as the two of you. Nayoung has even tried her best to keep him from entering your dorm. For whatever reason it is, she doesn’t want him coming over. A bit secretive with him really.

“Okay are you packed?” Nodding she smiles. “God you’re so lucky, you don’t have a lot of clothes to choose.” She sighs “ Well, I better get to finishing you don’t have to help me anymore thanks.” Grabbing your phone you close the door to your room behind you and lock it. A gasp escapes you, eyes widening at the nude he sent.

You don’t beat around the bush do ya?

Gotta show you how much you’re affecting me

Cute

My dick is cute?

Your dick looks delicious actually

Then how about you come over n suck it

Yeah but I love torturing you so keep fucking your hand for now.

Damn woman

Jaemin shut off his phone after he seen you left him on read. He was frustrated. Sexually frustrated, it’s humiliating knowing how affected he is by you. He doesn’t care he’s currently humping his pillow pretending it’s you. Chest heaving, a sweaty forehead as he chases after his release. Never has he had to work for someone this much. He would’ve given up and moved on but how could he, something about you entices him. Makes his want more, to go after you no matter the cost. He loves your banter, he loves how much you tease it keeps him on his toes. His hand going faster and faster until finally he felt the warm white liquid fall on his fingers. In the corner of his dark room, he catches his breath. Receiving another message but only groaning when he sees it’s Nayoung.

Can’t wait for tomorrow!

To say you weren’t cranky would be a lie. You knew you’d be getting up early you just underestimated how early. Nayoung isn’t a morning person and to think she would be demanding you to get up at 3 in the morning was the last thing on your mind of possibilities. Sitting in the back of the car as Nayoung claimed she would be picking up her boyfriend on the way. You didn’t mind, if anything you’d be taking the time to catch up on some needed sleep. A large blanket over you, you don’t hear the door to the passenger seat open and close. A smack of lips kissing and a cheerful voice greeting him.

“Is this your friend?” Nodding, she looks back to see you asleep. “Yep, she went back to sleep. She spent all night texting some guy. Kinda starting to think he doesn’t exist.” Raising a brow at her as she whispered the last part. “Whys that?” Shrugging her shoulders, eyes on the road. “She hasn’t mentioned his name, refuses to let me meet him and anytime I ask about him she tries to change the subject.” Jaemin only hums before looking out the window, dark eye bags beginning to become apparent as he too wasn’t exactly in the best mood. His hair was still a bit disheveled and he was only running on two hours of sleep. Guess his girlfriends friend wasn’t the only one up all night texting.

By the time the three of you arrived, you woke up abruptly by the slamming of a door. “Come on y/n we’re here!” You hear Nayoung shout from outside. Stretching and getting out, you’re left with carrying in the rest of the stuff. The cabin was large, only visited a handful of times. Loud voices are heard from the kitchen as Nayoung busies herself greeting the family. Huffing when you drop Nayoung’s heavy luggage inside you bump into someone on accident. “I’m sorry!” Tall and standing before you, Jaemin props his glasses up. Dropping down his bags and sending you a forced smile. “It’s alright.”

“Oh y/n! This is my boyfriend Jaemin!” The two of you freeze. Watching as she walks over to hook her arm around his. A grin on her face as she cuddles close to him. It couldn’t be right? Looking over and seeing he as well seemed tense but he kept a calm face. “H-Hello.” Giggling, she shakes her head. “Always so shy. Jaemin?” Nudging him, he seems to snap out of it. Clearing his throat before doing a quick half assed bow. “Hey.” Looking between the two of you, she makes a face. “Well that wasn’t awkward, anyways. Mom and dad wants to see you so shall we get going? Oh and y/n sorry we didn’t have enough rooms you don’t mind crashing on the couch right?” Shaking your head she smiles. “Great! You can leave your things in my room, you know where they are right?”

Not waiting for a response she drags him into the kitchen where it erupts in greetings. Laughs and giggles are heard, taking a small peek you see her friends are also in there as well. Gawking at him as he respectfully greets them. Sighing, you grab your things and go up the stairs. “Hey y/n do you mind carrying the rest of our luggages? Please, thank you!” Nayoung shouts as you were half way up the stairs.

You felt left out you weren’t going to lie. But then again, when haven’t you. Nayoung has always made it easy to fit in, to make conversation even though most of the time the topic always shifted over to her but overall, it was easy for her to get involved. Not you, it took a while for you to barely start lowering your walls. Just the idea of forcing yourself out of your shell sends shivers. How can you? You get the feeling Nayoung’s childhood friends don’t really like you as they always stare and mutter things under their breaths. And like all the other times you visited, you spent your time on the couch petting the family cat. “I’m so happy he likes you. He hates people, if anything he still isn’t quite fond of Nayoung.” Her mother giggles as she takes the other couch. Staring lovingly at the two of you. A warm smile forms on your face as you continue to pet the cat sitting on your lap. Her husband walking over to sit next to her, a mug in his hand as he nods.

“Toby hates Nayoung for some reason. Even before she went off to college he’d always hide from her.” By then everyone has shifted themselves into the living room. The group surrounding Nayoung, the smile slowly drops when she sees her parents conversing with you. “You must be a gem if Toby trusts you that much.” Her mother claps her hands. Jaemin takes a seat across from you, fighting back the look of boredom on his face. He can’t help but analyze you. Can it be the same y/n he’s been texting? Since he’s arrived, he hasn’t had the balls to text her. There’s no way the chick he’s been sexting is his girlfriends best friend. If that’s the case, he’s screwed.

A scoff is heard from beside him, looking up and see Nayoung enter the living room. “He’s just a dumb cat. I’m sure he’s only using you as a cushion.” “Well if that’s the case, I’m honored.” You smile down at the cat who purrs. Jaemin notices the scowl on his girlfriends face. He wonders why, it’s not like she particularly likes Toby. Every time he’s come over she’s always going on and on about how the cat terrorizes everything. “You should be, and Jaemin too! Toby loves him!” Looking up and meeting eyes with Jaemin you gulp before looking down. A silence is met before Nayoung speaks up. “Well it’s still pretty early and I’m tired. Jaemin lets go to bed.” One by one, everyone walks off to their bedrooms which leaves you on the couch with the grey and white cat. Head butting your hand, a few hours go by and you haven’t gotten the heart to move him. The sleep drowsiness has disappeared and you made due on being on your phone for the time being. A notification is sent from your phone, Jaemin.

It’s you isn’t it?

I don’t know what you’re talking about..

“Yes you do.” Jumping up, you see him standing at the bottom of the stairs. “Holy shit you scared me.” By the sudden jolt, Toby has taken it upon himself to get off your lap and plop down on his cat tree. Walking closer to you, you shift uncomfortably. You don’t know what to do, what can you do to make things better?

Silently getting closer, you open your mouth to explain yourself but he cuts you off. Instead he takes a seat besides you and smashes his lips on top of yours. A moan emits from you, it was quick and needy and you liked it. You liked it so much you even climbed on top of him. His arms coming around your waist to pull you closer. He smelled nice, his cologne hitting your nostrils and lips were soft and plump. Cupping his face to keep his lips on top of yours. A smile forming on his face before pulling away, “So you were the one teasing me huh?” A blush began to form on your face before awkwardly laughing. “So you’re my best friends boyfriend huh.” Clearing his throat he looks down uncomfortably. “Listen, I’m not the type to cheat okay? It’s just that I kinda had no choice but to be in a relationship with her and-“

“She trapped you yeah I know, she has done that with all of her exes.” Raising a brow he looks up at you. “Really?” Nodding, you sigh. “She can’t keep a man for the life of her so she forces one on them by using her father to get them to agree. He’s rich and powerful, wouldn’t be surprised he’d have you kicked out of college or have you be fired from your job. Blacklisted for any future opportunities and more.” “If I’d known earlier I would’ve tried avoiding crossing paths. Why are you friends with her?”

“I don’t know, I guess she was the only one who stayed.” “Stayed? What happened if I may ask.” “I don’t know, one second I had tons of friends who could rely on me and the next, I was hated.” You look down sadly. Startled when he plants a kiss on your cheek, a grin on his face as his eyes adoringly stare at you. “I’m glad I finally met you.” “I’m glad too-“. Reciprocating his kiss, you begin to grind on top of him. A groan from him only has you doing it again and again. Pushing him down on the couch as his hands roam all over your body. Piece by piece, clothes are scattered on the floor and heavy breathing gets louder. Your head is thrown back when you feel yourself stretch around him. A large hand going to cover your mouth. Leaning in, his mouth attaching itself onto your nipple and sucking. Sensitive, you begin to bounce on his lap. Hands on his chest as he guides you to go faster. Trying to keep the slapping sounds at bay. The feeling of him deep in your snatch had your head spinning, it truly has been a while since you’ve had sex. It was wrong that the first person you sleep with is your best friends boyfriend but you just love it so much.

And it seems you’re not the only one. For the remainder of the weekend the two of you have gotten closer. Sneaky glances thrown and secret meet ups. When in the kitchen alone, he smacks your ass before leaving a kiss on your cheek. A shit eating grin on his face when he meets with the others. Content he’s finally getting you back for all the teasing you’ve done. “Are you alright y/n? Your face is super red?” Nayoung’s mother says. “Probably a bad reaction to one of her creams. I keep telling her she doesn’t have to keep putting on so many products. Going natural is just as pretty.” Nayoung sends you a smile. Speaking up for you, a strong grip on your fork, you don’t bother to explain yourself. “I’m okay.”

Jaemin certainly didn’t like it. And he certainly didn’t like how easily you let her comment slide. “I try to say the same thing to you as well Nayoung. No reason you need fifty bottles of foundation. A day or two without it wouldn’t hurt babe.” He sends her a smile before taking a bite from his food. Tensing, Nayoung is left without words. Embarrassed by the looks her friends sends her. A scowl on her face as she desperately tries to change the subject. “So! Should we hit the beach later on?” “Yes!” Her friends clap. “Okay good! After we’re done we’ll pick out our bikinis!”

Bikini’s? Nayoung never mentioned there would be swimming involved? You didn’t even pack any clothes to get wet in. The closest thing you had were shorts and even then they weren’t comfortable to get wet with.

“It’s a bummer you can’t get in.” Nayoung pouts at you, watching you set your towel on the sand. Sunglasses on as you send her a reassuring smile. “Eh it’s okay, I’ve gotten too much sun anyways-“. “Yeah you’re looking a little dark, how about you stay under my moms umbrella for the time being okay? Hope you don’t get too bored!” She says before scurrying off to her friends. Clenching your jaw, you try to not let her words affect you. Has she always been this snakey? Or is this you trying to justify your actions for hooking up with her boyfriend. Surely she must’ve always been this terrible to you from the beginning.

“Come on.” “Huh?” Looking over and seeing Jaemin has his hand extended you raise a brow. “Where?” “Less questions and more walking, come on.” Allowing him to drag you away, he takes you to a near by store. “Bikini’s?” “Get one, it’s on me.” “You don’t need to-“ “I want to, besides I need to get sunscreen.” He wonders off for it, and as he does so you look around the store. Eyes straying on a red two piece, you go to the fitting rooms and liking the look of it on you. Getting out, Jaemin freezes when he sees you. “How do I look?” Checking to see if anyones watching, he pushes you inside and closes the door behind him. Dropping the bottle of sun cream and picking you up. Leaning you up against the wall he desperately connects your lips with his. Running a hand through his hair, he begins to dry hump you. A moan comes out of you that he muffled with his mouth. A hand coming to wrap around your neck and lightly squeeze. “Fuck you’re so hot.” His pupils dilated as he leans in and press kisses to your chest.

Pulling the top down to reveal your perky tits. Sucking and fondling with them, looking to the side and seeing the mirror reflecting the lewd actions he’s doing. “We should get going, don’t want to raise suspicion.” You tell him with heavy breathing. Reluctantly detaching himself from you and setting you down. “Don’t change.” Grabbing your clothes and lotion, the two of you walk out and make your way to the counter. Ripping off the tag and handing it to the cashier as he pays for it. By the time the two of you make your way back, you hear shouting. “Babe where have you been?” Nayoung gets closer. “Needed sunscreen and got y/n a bathing suit.” Eyes turning to look at you, the plastic smile ready to falter. “Oh! How nice..well come on let’s get in the water feels nice!” She goes for his hand but he takes a step back.

“Yeah I will in a bit, you should join the others they seem pretty lost with out you.” Looking back and seeing her friends looking bored without her. “Oh okay. Glad you can join us after all y/n.” She sends you a smile before going back in. Feeling a tug, you look down and see Jaemin had taken his shirt off. “Help me put sunscreen on yeah?”

You can practically feel the daggers being thrown at you. But you ignored it, you liked making her jealous. A part of you felt proud you had the upper hand than Nayoung. Even more that it’s with her boyfriend. Turning around, you put some on his chest. Running your hands over his abs, his eyes looking directly into yours. “I really badly need to fuck you.” Rolling your eyes, you go to walk away but he stops you. “Now y/n.”

“Are you seeing this?” One of Nayoung’s friends says as they all watch Jaemin slowly put on sunscreen on you. Going up your leg and too close to your ass. “I knew it was a mistake to introduce them.” She scoffs. “Come on hun, do you really think he’ll do anything with her?” “It’s not him I’m worried, poor girl is so deprived I worry she’ll do anything for attention.” She pouts. “Don’t worry, Jaemin’s too smitten for you. He’d never be unfaithful to you.” Smiling she turns over to her friends. “Thanks guys, besides we’re really strong.” “So strong that should we assume he’ll pop the question anytime soon?”

Nodding they squeal. “I’m sure he already has the ring set out for me.” She claps her hands.

“Jaemin anyone can walk in on us any second!” You smack Jaemin’s bicep, currently in a dark small closet the cabin had he had managed to cramped you two inside. It was loud outside, music blasting as the others conversed with one another. Luggages were being packed and dinner was being cooked. In a few hours you were meant to be making your way back home and instead, have a clingy boy stuck to your side. A grin on his face as he leans in and kisses you. “Need you…” he pouts as he nuzzles his face in the crook of your neck. Hands beginning to roam down your side and to your back. Biting your lip when you feel him squeeze your ass, gasping when you feel his bulge after he pulled you closer to him.

“No one will hear us mhm?” He breathes in your ear as he peppers your neck. Massaging your cheeks as he has you pinned against the wall. You can’t ignore the arousal in your pants but it didn’t stop you from worrying of being potentially caught. “No sir.” Pushing him away, you reach for the door knob. Feeling him pull you inside again roughly when Nayoung’s faint voice was heard going up the stairs. “I have no idea where he went.” She tells her friends. “I bet he’s with y/n again. They have been way too close.” “I’m sure he feels bad, I mean she is the odd one out.” Nayoung reasons. “She’s a loner Nayoung, girls like her use that to reel men in.” Clenching your jaw, you don’t notice Jaemin wrapping his arms around your waist.

“Ignore them.” He whispers into your ear. Once you were sure they had left, you don’t utter a word and merely walk out. Leaving him in the closet by himself.

Nayoung always assumed she’d be the first to seal the deal between the two of you. The first to have a boyfriend, to be engaged and to start a family. Unlike her, you didn’t grow up with a lot so she always had more than you. The advantages like starting her own independent life. You had to start from scratch, lots of hours working for you to save. It’s what the world admired about you. It’s what they respected you for, many could relate to you. And even through all the hardships you still smiled. You stayed optimistic and it’s why you had so many friends, why so many guys wanted your number instead of Nayoung’s.

“I’m sorry I’m not interested.” “Actually I wanted to see if you can give me your friend, y/n’s number.”

For a while it seemed like Nayoung was the forgotten one. It was all about her friend Y/n. What you were up to, how you were doing. She just wanted to see what the fuss was about in having so many people care about you. So the cosmetics came in, then the surgeries, the hard diets. But when they weren’t enough, the lies came in.

“Oh sure, but I have to say she’s currently going through something. Chlamydia actually.”

She didn’t mean for the lies to keep progressing but she just wanted to take some of the attention off you and divert it over to her.

“She thinks you’re a freak.”

She did feel bad though when people eventually began to hate you. And before she knew it, she was the only friend you had left. Boys avoided you and girls despised you. Your last boyfriend only cheated on you because Nayoung lied to him saying you had cheated on him.

“I guess she thought you just weren’t good enough, I don’t know what to tell you. But, if I were her I would know I made a big mistake. You’re a catch.” Her hand lays on top of his, a reassuring and innocent smile plastered on her face before leaning in and kissing him.

For years now she was finally on the other end, the one who everyone praised and idolized. And a part of her liked how she can control you, it felt nice to be better for once. And seeing how close you and Jaemin have gotten definitely hasn’t been putting her at ease.

During dinner she made sure Jaemin sat next to her and away from you. Served him and kissed him at unconventional times. By the end of the night it seemed she was utterly in love with him, which is why she just had to rub it in just a little deeper into your face. “I’m going to tell him I love him.” Taking you by surprise, you suppress any distasteful emotion. “That’s great! I’m sure he’ll feel the same.” He won’t. You’re sure of that. “I want to live with him y/n.” Widening your eyes, “Live together? But what about dorms? It’s still mandatory to be in one and you can’t exactly room with a guy.”

“Only for a few more months.” Sighing and sitting back on the couch she smiles dreamily. “I’m telling you, he’s the man of my dreams.” You didn’t have much to say. Which only made you more guilty with how you’ve been treating her behind her back. It seemed she really did like him, after all she has been stuck by your side when everyone else turned against you. “Then tell him how you feel.”

“We can’t keep doing this.”

It’s been three months since the visit to Nayoung’s parents. Three months since you said you’d stop hooking up with him and finally today you’d be calling it off. “Like hell you are, what the hell y/n. Where is this coming from?” A duvet wrapped around your body, you sit up on the bed. Messy hair with smeared makeup as you don’t even dare meet eyes with Jaemin. With only briefs on, he gets out of bed. Disheveled hair, muscles more prominent and the red marks you left on him still apparent. Lip stains on his neck with dark love marks going down his collar bone. A frown on his face as he demands an explanation, even when he’s upset he’s still breathtakingly attractive. “It’s not right.” A sarcastic laugh falls out of his mouth as he searches for his clothes.

“You’re finally realizing that after months?” Looking at you for any other answers, he drops his shirt on the bed and climbs back on. Cradling your face, he looks at you worriedly. “Talk to me baby, what’s wrong?” Feeling the tears beginning to form, you shrug him off. You don’t trust your voice, there’s a ball beginning to form and you know if you dare speak a work you’ll only sob. About to get out of bed, he grabs you by the waist. “No, you’re not running way again. Talk to me-“ “Jaemin you’re in a relationship with Nayoung! She loves you and even wants to live with you and here we are having sex!”

“She’s not you!” Looking away, he huffs and wraps his arms around your torso. “I love you.” Taken by surprise, you turn to face him with wide eyes. “Come again?” “I’ve never said that to any of my exes, and it sucks that this is the situation that we are in but, im not lying. I love you, not Nayoung. It’s why I didn’t say it back when she said it to me.”

“Really?” Smiling, he nods and leans in for a kiss you grant him happily. “I still think it’s wrong. Maybe if we confess then she will let you go. Yeah it will permanently ruin our friendship but you at least deserve your freedom.” Shaking his head he sighs. “It’s her father i’m worried for.” Feeling dejected, you let him pull you into a cuddle. Back under the sheets as he peppers your face in kisses. Until there’s a loud slam on the door, eyes widening Jaemin lifts a finger to his mouth. Your door was locked thankfully.

“Let me check if she’s home…hey y/n! You home?!” Knocking on the door and trying to open it but to no avail. Shaking his head, he covers your mouth. “Guess she’s not home.” She says, she must’ve brought someone. Getting up to change, you can’t but overhear her speak.

“Can’t believe you’re still friends with her after everything she did.” Confused, you lean your ear up gassing the door. “Well I mean, she’s my best friend-“ “Yes but she cheated on her boyfriend.”

Cheated?

“She didn’t know what she was doing.”

Why the hell is Nayoung agreeing?

“Yeah well what about her bullying you?”

You looked back at Jaemin in shock as he as well seems surprised.

“That was years ago, she’s getting better.”

You didn’t understand why Nayoung was agreeing with such false claims. You have never cheated on your boyfriend nor have you ever bullied Nayoung.

“Well at least she got her karma right?” The girl snorts. “Getting chlamydia, having all the guys lose interest in her and having no friends- well except you. I must say I admire you. I don’t know how you put up with such a mess.”

“I try my hardest.” You hear her giggle. “She’s a loner and a social freak, the least I could do is make sure she has at least a companion or who knows she might just end it all.” “Are you saying she’s suicidal?” “I’m saying who knows! You never know what people are thinking now a days.”

Your heart broke. All those accusations weren’t real and to think more people thought they were true hurt even more. You didn’t even realize you began to cry until you felt Jaemin wipe a tear away. They chatted for a few minutes before leaving and by then you have sat yourself down against the door. “Why would she lie?” You ask to no one.

Jaemin stayed quiet. Arms crossed and a clenched jaw, he immediately understood what Nayoung had done. “Isn’t it obvious?” Looking up at him with red swollen eyes you shake your head. “She spread false rumors about you!” “What why?”

“Come on baby.” Crouching down, he pulls a strand of hair behind your ear. “You’re gorgeous, sweet, smart. You’re everyone’s type.” “Are you saying she did it out of jealousy?” Scoffing you shake your head. “No, Nayoung is the pretty one. Everyone wants her.” “I don’t. I want you.” “You’re just saying that to make me feel better.” You scoff. “Okay then let’s talk to your ex.” “What why?” “Because we both know the cheater in your past relationship wasn’t you.” The memory still hurt. You never did find out who he cheated on you with only that he was ‘much happier’ and that you weren’t shit to him anymore.

“You’re wasting your time.” Shaking his head, he pulls out his phone and begins to search for his account. “What are you planning to do.” “We’re going to pay him a little visit. Come on let’s get dressed.”

“I don’t think this is such a good idea-“ Cutting you off by giving you a kiss, he gives you a smile. “Just hold my hand, he does anything to hurt you I promise I’ll kick his ass.” Walking into the cafe, you immediately spot your ex. Deep eye bags adorned his face, his hair was longer and dead. He looked much scrawnier and almost exhausted even. Taking a seat in front of you, you don’t have the words to even greet him.

“Y/n. Jaemin.” He speaks.

“What can i do for you.”

“The truth.” Jaemin cuts to the chase. Quirking his brow, he leans forward. “The truth?” “Who did you sleep with?” Jaemin tells him sternly. Scoffing, he chuckles dryly and shakes his head. “Why am I hearing an accusingly tone. Shouldn’t we start with who y/n slept with first?”

“I didn’t sleep with anyone.” You speak up.

“Right. Like I believe that-“

“Did Nayoung tell you anything.” Jaemin cut him off. “Nayoung helped me realize I was wasting my time on her.” He glares at you. “Did she tell you she was cheating?” Staying quiet, his face falls. “Why do you care?…wait aren’t you her boyfriend.” His jaw clenched and he sits up straighter.

“So you’re the guy she dumped me for.” Eyes widening, you look at him. “Nayoung was the girl you slept with?” Scoffing he shakes his head. “I didn’t sleep with her we only kissed.” He huffs. “She told me you cheated on me, she comforted me and we kissed. She had me to believe she wanted to be with me but when I broke things off with you she ghosted me.” The two of you send each other looks, “Why? Was that not what really happened?…”

You felt betrayed. You wonder how long has it been since she’s been a snake to you.

“She told me you kissed my boyfriend.”

“She said you had chlamydia.”

“I heard her say you were mentally unstable.”

You wanted to believe it was all a lie but it made sense why everyone suddenly avoided you like the plague. No one daring to befriend you or ever ask you out. You were sure you’d die a loner if it wasn’t for Nayoung and now you come to find out you were put into this situation because of her.

You couldn’t stop your heart from squeezing in agony. The friend you considered a sister you cared for so deeply had ruined your life out of what? Spite? Jealousy? Fun even?

The guilt you had building in you disintegrated almost instantly. You don’t have quite the perfect idea as to how you plan on getting even with her, how you’re going to help Jaemin get out of his god forsaken relationship with her, how you’re going to let the world know just how a trashy person she really is but you do know one thing, if you’re going to keep sleeping with her boyfriend you’re going to do it without a care in the world. Holding hands together literally behind her back when the three of you go out for ice cream, his subtle hand on your thigh when you go to the movies. The glances you give one another when you two had no other choice but to be dragged by her at a fancy restaurant with friends. Having sex in the parking lot after making an excuse to leave early. Making out while she’s showering and even sexting each other with her around. You no longer cared, and instead it made you just a tiny bit better knowing Nayoung no longer had it all,

“They completely cut me out and I don’t know why! Can you believe that?! After everything I did for them they have the audacity to treat me like dirt? And that’s not even mentioning the weird looks I’ve been receiving from guys. It’s like I’m infected or something.” No but rumors are you caught a case of syphilis

BUZZ…

Come over, I need you now.

Photo Sent

You were finally taking your life back from her. Piece by piece.

#nct x reader #nct scenarios #nct imagines #nct smut #nct reactions #jaemin nct #nct jaemin imagines #jaemin scenarios #jaemin smut #nct jaemin #nct dream imagines #nct dream #nct dream angst #nct dream smut #nct jeno #nct haechan #jisung nct

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bulbabutt · 1 year

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ok i wanna talk about tmnt 2007 and the way i think this is the best version of a leo and raph conflict, and also leo as a character

for context i've been talking about tmnt things kinda chronologically, so i'm gonna mention an unconditional understanding in 03 i bring that up in a previous post about that show and the family dynamics in it here if u want context for what i mean

i think this movie can really be appreciated for the place it has between adaptations, and the way character-wise everyone is more or less the same as they've always been but with a more interpersonal relationship as the focus. the main villain of this movie doesn't really matter, the conflict, the fights, that's not where the strength is (although, it is reflected in the conflict and ill get into that)

so tmnt 07 is one movie that kind of combines the 90s movies, 03, and mirage all in one place, and tonally is is similar to the show that will come after it, 12. if the 90s movies give us conflict between leo and raph, and 03 gives us the unconditional understanding between the two, 07 takes these two aspects and creates a story out of it. (debate in your own mind if this movie is a literal sequel to the 90s ones or not, its not that important)

the set up of this movie is we are in a post killing the shredder world. leo has been told by splinter to go get training elsewhere, there isn't much context for what happened to cause this, but i would bet its a similar cause to 03, where he had ptsd and lashed out at his father to which splinter sends him to his grandfather to get better advice than he thinks he can give him. the difference here is there is no grandfather hes sent to, he's sent on a journey of self discovery around the world to learn about it and himself.

the thing about leo as a character, and this goes for all leos, he's has a very black and white way of thinking. leo thinks he's been sent away because he's failing his family, that he's not a good enough leader. so he stays away for longer because he doesn't feel good enough. he finds a place where he can help and he does that. leo always needs a bad guy to fight, or else he's fighting his own demons. so he stays there for a long time. finding a place he can help quietly, never letting anyone see him, and becoming a legend to the locals because no one knows what's really going down.

april manages to track him down and tell him about whats going on with his brothers, how they're holding up without him and without being a team, and i think thats a good reminder for him that they miss him. he doesn't tell april but he finds a way home only after hearing about this. when he arrives and speaks to splinter, he says "i was so caught up in my own world i forgot about everyone else, i'm sorry i failed" he still doesn't feel like he's done anything of worth.

i'm gonna jump in here and say, you know how we all love rise raph? cuz hes the big brother and some traits that come from that are like being overprotective and taking on everyone else's problems and trying to handle emotions alone? well that's a trait thats usually leo's. but the difference with leo is sometimes that concept doesn't make you as likeable. sometimes it means you come off like a nagging mother hen who thinks they know best but in an arrogant way. sometimes it makes you mirror being a parent when no one asked you to be. leo's less of a passionate character than raph, hes more analytical and full of himself. he takes splinters lessons more seriously, and hes always trying to do whats best for everyone so they don't have to worry. this is something evident with 03 and 12, but its so specifically noticeable here because these traits make up the main conflict. i just want to bring that up so we start seeing leo as no different than some of our other favourite iterations.

splinter responds to his apology by saying "you owe me no apology, but perhaps you should talk to raphael, your absence has been particularly difficult for him, though he'll never admit it" but when leo greets him raph is brushing him off.

on raph's end, this is him being angry that leo left, and angry that hes back and everyone wants to pretend that he wasn't gone at all. as if the time he was gone didn't happen. hes lashing out because he too cant handle talking about these emotions. and hes lashing out by becoming a vigilante in his own right.

i see a lot of people misunderstand what raph is doing here, that "this is what the turtles always do" or "this is the same as what leo was doing how could he be mad" when that is not true. that's what casey does. its true that both leo and raph have been fighting bad guys on their own (as a way of dealing with their issues) but raphael has made himself a costume to disguise himself which means hes prepared to be seen. hes riding a motorcycle around, which is loud. this isn't stealthy, this is aggressive. his vigilante name is in the news. the turtles are ninjas, they silently help where they can and fade into the night and, very specifically, they work as a team. these turtles live in a dangerous world, what if something happened to him while no one else was around? they would never know because he never told anyone.

so raph is lashing out, and leo doesn't have a good way of dealing with it. he tries to slide back into being leader, doing what splinter says but he forgets how his brothers are, and with raph egging them on they get into fights they shouldn't. which leo specifically gets in trouble for, as the oldest brother, and as their leader. leo tries to be this better leader hes supposed to have learned to be, but it doesn't work and raph ends up back out there in his vigilante get up. leo tracks down said vigilante, and in his peak "leo knows best" moment, lectures him, not knowing its his brother. there's a scuffle, and the mask comes off. let me point out that casey knew this vigilante was raph but his own brother didn't, because leo has been gone that long.

so lets get into what this fight is really about. on the surface, its "wow you've been going out at night alone putting yourself in dangerous situations with no backup" and "so what you're just mad that i can do it without you" which leo would be right about. and this is the analytical leo, he really thinks that's all that's going on here. what hes missing is that raphael has missed him as a brother, and hes hurt that leonardo left and just came back no big deal. that he wants everything to be normal. raphael is always a character with big emotions and the only outlet he knows to express them is violence.

leo, who as we've established, went away to learn to be better for his family is angry that raph doesn't see that. he's mad raph doesn't appreciate the effort he went to, and he thinks he's just angry because he's not in charge. each brother sees the other as being arrogant.

this leads them to the big fight. no one can disagree that this is the best part of the movie (seriously watch the movie for this scene if you haven't seen it before) , but the real best part of it is that raphael wins. raph proves hes just as capable of a fighter as his brother, if not more-so. he uses those sais as they're supposed to be used, catching leo's swords and in a fit of rage he fucking breaks them, leaving leo defenceless and completely vulnerable to attack. you'd think he'd be smug that leo lost but he pauses, going through a lot of emotions in a moment, questioning what he's doing, why hes doing it. and leo finally looks his brother in the eye and sees raph going through something he didn't before, realizing raph hasn't been angry that he's back, but that he's angry that he ever left. they don't have a conversation, because raph cant handle all these emotions and he runs away, crying as he does. leo just watches him, taking it all in and realizing the error of his ways.

hearing leo scream turns raph around, but he's too late to help him, and this is where raph regrets his own actions because right then, leo is also proven right in his argument. because he gets kidnapped. if leo hadn't chased raph down, there is a very good chance that would have been raph being kidnapped. with no backup, with no one knowing what happened to him. that's why its important that the turtles are a team.

raph goes home full of guilt, and there's a good moment of showing how he cannot open up emotionally here, because he grunts, punches the wall, knocks over some weights and forces splinter to ask him what happened, because that's how raphael is. he laments to his father that he finally understands why leo is the better son, proving that to raph none of this was about their team, but about their family. conflating the two ideas in his head. splinter gives him a talk that mirrors what he said to leo when he returned earlier in the movie, encouraging him that he is a good son and brother. this shows that these brothers have very similar insecurities about their value to their family.

the rest of the movie plays out as you expect, they go save leo, they stop the bad guy, they reconcile and behave as the team they're supposed to be. but i just want to point out that the villains plot is mirrored in leo and raph's conflict. the 'villain' here is a brother who has been cursed to be immortal without his own siblings. for 3000 years he lived to regret his actions and decided to undo his curse, but he used the cursed stone versions of his siblings to do so. no communication, just thinking he knew better (which maybe he did) and lying about it. that caused them to lie to him right back, and try to overthrow him and destroy the world. this is just one family whose inner turmoil could have destroyed the world. you might say, oh that's not a very interesting turtles villain, but its not supposed to be. its not the focus.

this movie is all about the complicated relationship between a family, and i see so many people talk about it by trying to ask who's right and who's wrong. that's not how it works. life is more complicated than that, people are more complicated than that. its boring to look at this movie and just say "leo is wrong and raph is right" because that's not even how the characters see it. this movie is about leo and raph being mirrors of each other in their arrogance, in their insecurities, and in their stubborn pig-headed refusal to let the other know how they feel. splinter says as much at the start of the movie. this whole movie shows that without each other, they need to be fighting something so they don't get swept up by their own emotions, which they are both bad at processing. they are SUCH brothers. they are so similar emotionally, yet they have such a hard time understanding each other.

personally 07 leo is my favourite leo for his complexity, his flaws his strength, his growth. its sad we never got those sequel movies to get into the other brothers heads as much as we got into leo and raphs heads.

also nolan north and james arnold taylor gave the best vocal performances in this movie and they deserve all the credit for it.

#tmnt #tmnt 2007 #tmnt 07 #teenage mutant ninja turtles #07 leo #i will defend 07 leo to death does no one understand his autistic swag like i do #all leos are like this he just got to shine cuz the movie was ABOUT his and raphs issues #this has been in the drafts for a while and in the mind a LOT longer than that #sorry its long idek if thats all i have to say about him but CLEARLY its long enough #thoughts

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elix8r · 9 months

Text

Rare and Pure (cbg)

PAIRING: choi beomgyu x fem!reader

GENRES: angst (it's really distressing at parts), smut, a teaspoon of fluff, werewolf!au, friends to lovers, mates, accidental lover

WARNINGS: this story contains some dark themes so pls beware! profanity, unrequited love, kidnapping, drugging, dubcon? its not sexual, abusive behavior, implications of murder, choking, descriptions of blood, violence, drinking, mates, talk of death/dying, IM SO SORRY RIIZE ARE WRITTEN AS THE EVIL GUYS ESP WONBIN RIP, sexual content: multiple sex scenes, unprotected sex, drunk sex, knotting, cumming inside, rough sex, biting, marking, oral (f receiving), fingering, handjob, bulging, breeding, choking

SUMMARY:

“But to love something despite. To know the flaws and love them too. That is rare and pure and perfect.“ - Patrick Rothfuss

Choi Yeonjun was the love of your life, the one you were unequivocally sure the Moon Goddess had chosen for you. His younger brother, Beomgyu, on the other hand, didn't even register on your radar as mate material. But fate, as it often does, had other plans. One night was all it took for your entire life to flip around as you found yourself accidentally mated to your childhood friend. Now, you're left grappling with the emotional wreckage of it all as you are not only struggling to feel the unbreakable connection that mates are supposed to share with Beomgyu, but you're also dealing with the harsh reality that your dreams of forever with Yeonjun will never come to fruition. It's a bitter pill to swallow, and it's forcing you to reevaluate your very sense of self. Your wolf clearly had some serious explaining to do.

WORD COUNT: 21.5k

AUTHOR’S NOTE: i know this story took so long but thank you to everyone for waiting! i really went through it writing this cause it was a rollercoaster of emotions but it's truly my baby and i adore this story so much so i hope you guys enjoy it and was worth the wait! beomgyu is a sexy lover here and an even sexier wolf (rawr xd) so hope that's exciting for you guys and i'm so sorry but i literally put names of groups into an auto generator machine to pick who was going to be the villain and it chose riize so i'm so sorry for their depictions cause they are despicable here but know i meant no harm and i adore them it's all just for the story! anyways hope you guys have fun reading it and please give me some feedback! Happy Holidays!!!

You felt conflicted coming to this conclusion because you genuinely loved the girl, but you couldn't help but blame your current predicament on Huh Yunjin and her family's recent move to your town.

New families were rare, especially as it meant they would become new members of the pack. However, an old and close friend of the Alpha had decided to relocate, prompting a warm welcome and an invitation to join the pack. When you heard that the new family had a daughter your age, you eagerly volunteered to give her a tour.

The family was to move into the vacant house on the other side of the neighborhood. And on that day, you excitedly watched the moving truck arrive from your window, clutching a box of cookies lovingly baked by your mother for the new family.

Your family held a prominent position within the pack, with your father serving as the Beta and every bit of you exuded that high status. Being an only child furthermore assured you to grow up to be confident and bold, but you also tried to be welcoming to all which made it easy for you to make friends. It seemed though, that Yunjin was quite the opposite of you as she was quieter and less outwardly exuberant, but she still was quite friendly and happy that you were showing her around.

"So that's the pack house, and since your dad is close friends with the Alpha, I'm sure you’ll be over sometime soon.” You flashed her a wide smile, concluding the tour as you both headed back to your house. Yunjin appeared a bit overwhelmed, understandably so. She had just moved to a new town, knowing no one, and you had bombarded her with information about the pack and the town within an hour.

"Oh, and next door is my house! You're welcome anytime; just come over, and we can hang out. Right next door is my best friend Taehyun's house. He’s away right now, but he’ll be back soon, and I can introduce you two. I’m sure you'll get along!" A grin spread across your face, thinking about your best friend whom you hadn't seen in a while.

Taehyun had left for a trip with his father and a few pack elders a week ago, focusing on improving his tracking skills. However, he would return soon, and you were confident that he and Yunjin (along with the others in your friend group) would hit it off, so you were eagerly anticipating everyone meeting. From the hour you had spent with the girl, you could already tell that she was going to be a great addition to the pack.

"Wow, thank you so much. I was honestly nervous about moving because I've never had an easy time making friends, but I feel really lucky to have met you. You seem to know everyone and everything." Yunjin smiled appreciatively at your kind offer, and you beamed back at her. However, before you could say anything else, the front door of the pack house swung open.

His scent reached you even before he came into view, instantly stirring up a swarm of butterflies in your stomach. Choi Yeonjun had captivated you since the moment you met him, and you were certain that you were in love. The word "perfect" was the only one that could adequately describe the oldest son of the Alpha. Your heart ached in his presence, and you knew that this was no fleeting crush like the ones you had experienced before. This was love, a profound and all-encompassing emotion unlike anything else.

"Hey, Y/N!" The combination of his voice and smirk threatened to make you weak in the knees, but you managed to maintain your composure as you smiled back at him.

"Hey, Yeonjun! This is Yunjin. She's the daughter of the new family in town, and I was just showing her around." Yunjin revealed earlier that espite their fathers being close, she had never never met the rest of the Alpha’s family. Yunjin greeted Yeonjun with a shy smile as he extended his hand for a handshake.

"Oh yeah, my dad mentioned that. He was pretty excited that his old friend and his family were joining our pack. Well, nice to meet you, Yunjin. I'm Yeonjun, the oldest and the only Choi kid important enough for you to meet. Don't worry about Soobin and Beomgyu, you're better off not even meeting them." You silently agreed with him, although your biased opinion was clearly influenced by your feelings for him. Yunjin seemed to relax further with his warm welcome and playful introduction.

"You're really lucky to have Y/N showing you around. She's like a celebrity in our pack. She knows everyone, so if you ever need anything, she's your best bet." He smiled at Yunjin and playfully nudged you. "Well, I have to go bring Beomgyu his clothes. That stupid bastard decided to go for a run without taking anything, and we're literally supposed to be going over to Elder Kwan's house for dinner in a couple of minutes. You know how my mom would kill him if he showed up in his wolf form. Anyways, it was nice meeting you, Yunjin. Y/N, I'll see you tomorrow at the meeting." With an affectionate ruffle of your hair, he waved goodbye and left.

Despite your efforts, Yeonjun seemed oblivious to your feelings, treating you more like a sister than a lover. Yet, you remained convinced in its belief that a deeper connection existed between you both. The inexplicable emotions that surfaced whenever he was near convinced you that destiny had intertwined your paths for a reason.

"Wow, he seems really nice," Yunjin commented, her tone subtly shifting. In retrospect, you should have picked up on the change, but you were too captivated by Yeonjun's presence to notice. Unfortunately, your obliviousness would soon come and bite you in the ass.

Several weeks had slipped by since your new friend, Yunjin, had made her entrance. Your hunch had proven right – she seamlessly melded with your well-established crew, like the missing puzzle piece you didn't know you needed. Initially quiet and reserved, she shed her timid shell bit by bit, especially as you all hung out more. Just yesterday, she had even joined in on a run in full wolf form with everyone which sure helped tighten the bond that had been growing stronger.

If you could have it your way, you would currently be with them at the local movie theater where you knew everyone but you were. Yet, reality had you poking at your food, stealing subtle glances across the table at your crush, whom you had strategically sat down in front of.

Even before you were born, it had been a tradition for your family to go over to the pack house and have dinner with the Alpha’s family every first Tuesday of the month, and so here you were.

"Ok well, I'll get the dishes, and if you kids could help clear the table for dessert, that would be helpful," your mother said, quick to get up and head towards the kitchen with a couple of plates in her hand, prompting everyone else to follow her directions.

"Dinner was amazing as usual," your dad kindly thanked the Luna. "We have a couple of things to talk about regarding the matter we discussed earlier, so we'll be in the office." Clearly, he was trying to make the conversation confidential, but your dad wasn't the best at keeping secrets, and you (and probably the boys) had already caught on to what he was referring to. It honestly wasn't that hard to figure out, considering it had been the only thing anyone in your pack had been discussing recently.

Rumors had been circulating around that an unfamiliar pack was closing in on the town your pack had been inhabiting for over a century. Sightings of rogue wolves have also been on the increase, which explained Taehyun's unexpected tracking trip. While this didn't necessarily mean that your pack was in immediate danger, it was crucial to remain cautious. Precautionary actions, such as doubling up security around the borders, had already been taken, and the pack's council was now prioritizing finding out who exactly was approaching their territory and their intentions.

As you watched your dad and the Alpha head towards the office, out of nowhere, a voice caught you off guard, forcing you to take your eyes off of them. "Hey, can you come to my room after this? I need to talk to you about something."

Beomgyu, despite being the same age, had always been the Choi boy you were the least close with. While you still had a strong bond with him from being raised as pups alongside one another, your relationship with Yeonjun and Soobin was undoubtedly stronger. So, hearing this request from Beomgyu surprised you.

"Why can't you just tell me here?" You questioned him while taking plates back into the kitchen where your mom and the Luna could be seen washing the dishes while engaging in an animated conversation.

Beomgyu followed closely behind you, also holding dishes in his hand. "I just can't. Just come upstairs with me, please."

You frowned a little, trying to figure out on your own what was so important that Beomgyu had to speak to you in private. However, you had to admit that you were a bit curious about what he had to say, so you gave him a small nod. "Ok, fine."

As the two of you made your way towards the staircase, Soobin must have noticed and halted you and Beomgyu. "Where do you two think you're going without even helping us finish cleaning up the table?"

"Ugh, fuck off Soobin, we already helped. We'll be back when Mom brings out the pie," Beomgyu retorted, rolling his eyes. But before he could take another step, another voice stopped him.

"Wait, seriously what are you guys up to?" Yeonjun's eyes sparkled with curiosity at the unusual sight of you two heading off on your own. Normally, he and Soobin were part of the group.

"It's none of your business," Beomgyu replied, clearly annoyed at all the questions.

"Hold on, I want in on whatever you two are doing. What's with all the secrecy?" You, too, grew increasingly curious about why Beomgyu wanted to speak to you privately, excluding his older brothers from the conversation.

"Oh my god, it's just between me and Y/N. Seriously, fuck off," Beomgyu's patience was wearing thin, which was no surprise considering his brothers often had that effect on him.

"Just you and Y/N? And you're going to your room? Hmm, sounds a little–" Soobin's insinuation was cut off by your swift response.

"Jesus, Soobin. It's nothing like that. We'll be back quickly," you assured him, not wanting to entertain any unnecessary assumptions being thrown, especially in front of Yeonjun. He could get the wrong idea. So with that, you swiftly turned around and headed to Beomgyu's room, leaving Soobin and Yeonjun behind.

"Fucking Soobin and his nosy ass," Beomgyu muttered in annoyance as he followed you into his room. You were familiar with every single room in the pack house, including his, and as always, it looked exactly as you remembered. Impeccably clean, which never failed to surprise you. It was also unsurprising that his warm and woodsy scent was intensified in his room. However, you sensed that this did trigger a strange reaction from your wolf, but you pushed her aside, ignoring her peculiar behavior (which she had been having more frequently recently) and without even asking for permission, you plopped onto his neatly made bed.

"Ok, now what was so important that you needed to talk to me alone?" you inquired, watching as Beomgyu closed the door and settled into his desk chair.

"I like your friend Yunjin, the new girl," Beomgyu stated plainly, and the random confession had you sitting up straight in surprise.

"What?" You gave him an incredulous look, still processing why he had brought you all the way up here to reveal this information.

"She’s hot and I’d like to get with her so I need help from you," he replied matter-of-factly, as if it was the most obvious thing in the world.

You continued to give him a confused look with a hint of disgust at his words, but you gathered up your thoughts to respond. "What the fuck, Beomgyu? Did you drag me all the way up here for that? I mean haven’t you already met her? And what would I even get out of helping you with this?"

“Yeah, I’ve met her briefly a couple of times cause of our parents but like I need someone on the inside to you know, scope out her feelings and like maybe put in a couple of good words about me.” His persistent nonchalant expression and tone struck a nerve, aggravating you further, especially since he hadn't addressed how this would benefit you.

"Beomgyu, I’m not doing that for you. There are at least ten other guys I'd consider trying to set her up with before even considering you. If you're so interested in dating her, my suggestion is to just go and ask her out like any normal person would." Rolling your eyes, you stood up, intending to leave the conversation. However, his next words halted you in your tracks.

“I’ll help you with Yeonjun.”

It was obvious that growing up together had given him an edge in understanding you too well. Those five simple words were all it took for you to reluctantly agree to assist your childhood friend in pursuing the new girl in town.

In the midst of blaring music and flashing lights that seemed determined to trigger a headache, you found yourself in an obnoxiously loud club on a Saturday night. This was the last place you would have willingly chosen to spend your evening, but circumstances had led you here. When you initially agreed to assist Beomgyu, you envisioned a more thoughtful and gradual approach to make Yunjin develop feelings for him. However, your expectations were shattered earlier when Beomgyu unexpectedly appeared at your doorstep, barging in without a second thought and heading straight for your room.

You were aware that some of your friends had plans to hit the nearby club tonight, an invitation you had initially declined. Your preference was to stay at home, engrossed in the pages of the new book you had recently acquired. But Beomgyu seemed to have other plans, disregarding your intentions the moment he stepped into your house. Apparently, he had caught wind of the possibility that Yunjin might be among those venturing out for the night.

"Sure, I knew she was going out," you shrugged, your attention split between applying makeup and addressing Beomgyu, who had made himself comfortable on your bed.

"You knew? And you didn't tell me? Come on, Y/N, I thought we had some kind of agreement!" His sigh carried a tinge of exasperation, clearly disappointed by your perceived negligence.

"Apologies for not realizing I was your designated Yunjin-schedule informant. That's bordering on creepy, by the way. And I thought that we were going to take things slow. Plus, why do I have to tag along? Since you're in the loop now, can't you just go by yourself?" Despite your rapid-fire inquiries, you continued meticulously applying your makeup.

"Do you not remember? That's exactly why I came to you. I need help seamlessly integrating myself into her life, making it seem natural and subtle. Take tonight, for example! I'll play it cool, like I had no clue she'd be here. You'll join our conversation, kick-start it naturally, and then gracefully bow out, leaving us to continue. It's a flawless plan, trust me. Plus, seeing you actually putting in some effort to make this work will make me more motivated to help you with my brother." Beomgyu, as usual, carried on with his chatter. To be honest, you found the plan a bit nonsensical, but considering what was at stake for you, you ended up donning that cute new outfit you had been saving for a different night out. Before you knew it, you were in Beomgyu's car, en route to the club.

Normally, you wouldn't mind a night out at a club like this, and you would typically have agreed without a second thought. Lately, however, you had felt more inclined to stay home, and the odd behavior of your wolf throughout the week made you hesitant to introduce alcohol into the mix. Nonetheless, since you were already here, you decided it was a good opportunity to let loose a little.

Amid the deafening music, Beomgyu's voice rang out, "So, have you spotted them yet?" You leaned against the bar, waiting for your drink.

Surveying the crowd upon your arrival, you had even tried to identify them by scent, but the throng of people made it challenging. "Not yet, but let's move around. I'm sure we'll be able to find them soon." With one hand gripping your vodka lemonade, you and Beomgyu started moving around, staying close to make sure not to be separated within the bustling club.

Out of the corner of your eye, a familiar face caught your attention, instantly recognizable. "C'mon, I found them!" You hurriedly exclaimed, gesturing in the direction of your best friend, dragging Beomgyu along.

Taehyun's eyes widened as he spotted you approaching. "Y/N, I thought you were staying in tonight? You should have texted!" Beomgyu emerged behind you, and Taehyun's surprise morphed into confusion. "Oh, and you brought Beomgyu along?"

It wasn't that you and Beomgyu weren't on good terms or weren't friends, but the sight of the two of you together wasn't a common occurrence unless it involved family matters. After all, you both had different sets of friends. So, your unexpected duo not only grabbed Taehyun's attention but also that of a few others in the group.

“Yeah uh I ended up changing my mind and he was heading out too so I just grabbed a ride from him.” You brushed off his question lightly before scanning your eyes around your group of friends, looking for a specific face.

It appeared Beomgyu was on the same page, as you felt a gentle nudge from him. "Did Yunjin come out with you guys?"

"Yep, she did! She's just in the restroom and will probably be back soon." Kazhua, your other close friend, greeted you with a tipsy smile before she resumed engaging in lively conversation with her boyfriend, Kai who spared you two a wave.

Thanking her, you felt a sense of relaxation settling in as you basked in the company of your friends. The drink in your hand was starting to take effect, lifting your spirits and making you feel lighter. Observing Beomgyu from beside you, you could tell he was loosening up as well as he seemed to be engaging in friendly banter with Taehyun. Seeing them dab each other up as if they were best bros had you rolling your eyes.

"So spill the beans. What's the real deal here between the two of you? I’m obviously not buying your story and getting a ride from him wouldn't lead to you sticking together even when you found us. Are you guys seeing each other? I swear, I won't say a word to anyone if you are!" Chaewon slung her arm around you, her eyes playfully dancing as she gestured towards Beomgyu.

A puzzled expression creased your pretty face as you processed her question. Chaewon was probably your closest friend after Taehyun, and she had a knack for uncovering every detail about your life. However, her insinuation of a romantic connection between you and your neighbor had you almost freezing from surprise. You couldn't afford to give the impression that something was brewing between you and Beomgyu, especially when your mission tonight was to make Yunjin notice him. Plus, there really wasn’t anything happening between the two of you.

"Wait, hold on a second. Jesus, Chaewon. Seriously, it's not what you're thinking. I promise it was just a ride," you replied, attempting to brush off her inquiries. Yet, the skepticism in her expression told you she wasn't entirely convinced.

"Well, that's not what Soobin said." You inwardly cursed, momentarily forgetting that Soobin had been recently seeing Chaewon. It was clear that he had shared how he and Yeonjun had caught you and Beomgyu sneaking off alone upstairs to his room.

"Jesus fucking Christ, Soobin. You need to tell him to mind his own business. And seriously, he's just trying to be a pain in the ass. I promise you, there's absolutely nothing going on between us. If there were, I would've been the one to tell you, and not leave it to Soobin to play messenger." Your fervent response finally seemed to ease Chaewon's suspicions, as she nodded in understanding.

"Alright, I believe you. But remember, even if there's a hint of something happening, you better let me know and give me the details. I don’t want to have to rely on Soobin of all people to get all my juicy gossip from," Chaewon's playful yet determined expression made you chuckle. Just before you could respond, a familiar voice caught your attention.

"Y/N! Oh my god, you're here! I thought you said you weren't coming out?" Yunjin's excitement spilled over through both her voice and her actions as she enveloped you in a warm hug.

Clearly, a few drinks had loosened Yunjin up; her eyes carried a playful glint, and her usually composed demeanor had given way to lively energy. Amidst her effervescence, you were also able to catch a glimpse of Beomgyu's eyes lighting up with eagerness upon spotting her. Lost in the thrill of finally locating your target for the night, both you and Beomgyu had failed to notice that Yunjin hadn't returned from the restroom alone.

"Hey, Y/N," a familiar voice greeted you from behind her presence, and a flurry of emotions erupted within you as your heart raced in response. Despite the time that had passed, you were still defenseless against the effect Yeonjun had on you.

"Hey, Yeonjun! I had no idea you were joining us tonight," You managed to regain your composure, your voice finally steadying as you exchanged greetings.

"Yeah, I mean I just came with Changbin and a couple of the other guys, but I stumbled upon her when she was wandering around lost, trying to find her way back to your group. Naturally, I couldn't resist lending a hand. You know me, I never leave a helpless pretty girl alone." A quick wink from Yeonjun, and you could see Yunjin's amused giggles in response.

Yeonjun's reputation as a major flirt wasn't a secret, but witnessing his overt flirting with your new friend right before you stung a little. Though you did your best to brush it off as his usual playfulness and quickly put on a wide smile in return.

"Well, thanks so much for returning her to us safely," you playfully retorted, echoing his tone. You then quickly downed the last of your drink, hoping to mask the twinge of anxiety that the sight of their interaction stirred within you.

As Yeonjun weaved his way through the group, your gaze remained fixed on him. Like always, you were unable to resist your attraction towards him, but this time, you were far from oblivious. Quickly noting the close proximity he maintained with Yunjin as they navigated around the table, a small frown formed on your face. When’d they get so close?

"Hey, when did you arrive? Changbin could've given you a ride along with me if you had mentioned you were coming," Yeonjun greeted his brother. However, it was evident that Beomgyu's attention remained steadfastly fixed on Yunjin, his focus unyielding even as his brother spoke. Maybe your initial assumptions of his interest in your friend were wrong. With the look he was giving your friend, it seemed that maybe there was more to the attraction than just physical.

Recognizing the opportune moment to step in and work your magic, you decided to make your move. Yeonjun appeared engrossed in conversation with his brother and your best friend, giving you the chance you needed. Swiftly, you moved over to where Yunjin stood and linked arms with her. With a clear plan in mind, you guided her away to the bar, seeking both a private conversation and a refill.

Once at the bar, you ordered drinks for the two of you and then turned your attention to Yunjin. "So, how's the night treating you? Are you enjoying yourself?" you inquired with a friendly smile.

Yunjin accepted the drink gratefully, seemingly oblivious to your underlying motives. Her smile lit up as she responded, "Honestly, I'm having a blast, especially now that you're here!"

"Aww, that's great to hear! Is everyone being nice to you? How are you liking the club? Anyone catch your eye?" You smoothly slipped in the last question, hoping to naturally lead the conversation towards Beomgyu.

Though a pang of guilt tugged at you for manipulating your friend, you reminded yourself of the agreement you'd made. The possibility of finally attaining your desires was too enticing to let pass, and after all, if Yunjin genuinely fell for Beomgyu, was it truly manipulation on your part?

Yunjin's laughter tinkled in response to your questions, and she leaned against the bar. "Everyone's been wonderful, and I really appreciate you welcoming me into your friend group. As for the club, it's incredible. Back in my previous town, we had nothing like this, so this is a whole new experience for me." After a sip of her drink, she looked at you, and you eagerly awaited her response to your previous question.

"I’m not going to lie; everyone in this pack is ridiculously good-looking, so naturally, they've all grabbed my attention in some way. But, I have to admit, there's someone who's been on my mind. It's still way too early to say, and I'm not in a rush to find a mate, but I've never felt such a strong connection with someone this quickly. I can't help but wonder if he might be the one the Goddess has in store for me." Her words instantly grabbed your attention. If there was a possibility that Yunjin had already discovered her mate within the pack, it could complicate your task of steering her towards Beomgyu.

Eagerly, you pressed on, "Come on, you’ve gotta tell me! I know all the ins and outs of this pack. Depending on who it is, I could probably give you some insights—whether they're a catch or a red flag, especially if you feel they could be the one." Your enthusiasm prompted Yunjin to consider sharing, and as you leaned in, she relented.

"Alright, alright I guess it wouldn't hurt to get some female insight, but since the first time you introduced us, I think I've kind of felt something with Yeonjun." Her words hit you with unexpected force, instantly hardening your face.

Despite witnessing their interactions with one another earlier, it was apparent that you had been more preoccupied with your own infatuations for the older boy that you hadn’t even had the chance to realize the possibility of her attraction towards him– the very person you had been secretly in love with for what felt like an eternity.

She remained oblivious to the quick shift in your expression as she carried on. "Like I said, it's definitely too early to make any conclusions, but I genuinely believe there's something special with him. Even today, running into him had my wolf practically giddy, and that has to mean something, right? Every time we bump into each other, which seems to happen a lot lately, we just click effortlessly and I just feel like I could talk to him for hours. He's so cute, and I kind of sense he might be dropping hints of interest, so fingers crossed, right?" Her animated enthusiasm while discussing the boy tugged at your heartstrings, filling you with a sense of despair.

"Yeah, he's a great guy," you managed to mumble, though the green monster of jealousy began to rear its head within you. "Just be cautious, though. Yeonjun is a fantastic guy, but his reputation with girls isn't the best. He's known in the pack as a bit of a flirt, and he hasn't really had many long-term relationships. Honestly, there have been plenty of girls who've come and gone, so I just don't want to see you get hurt by him."

Your words weren't entirely false; Yeonjun did have a bit of a player reputation within your community, but it wasn't as extreme as you portrayed it. It had mostly been a phase during his high school and early college years. Now that he was out of school, he appeared to have matured and settled down. Nonetheless, it had been a while since you'd seen him seriously involved with anyone, so witnessing his connection with Yunjin had you wanting to go back home and cry.

Her expression briefly faltered, but a determined smile soon replaced it. "Well, maybe he just hasn't met the right person yet! Thanks for the heads-up on his past, but I'm not easily discouraged. Honestly, it's better than hearing he's an asshole or mistreats girls. Who knows, maybe I'll be the one to change him!"

"Well, there are plenty of other great guys in the pack you might not have had a chance to get to know yet. Keeping your options open might not be a bad idea, especially since you mentioned you're not in a rush to mate. You know Beomgyu, right? He's an awesome guy, and I think you two would really hit it off. Actually, let’s go find him!" Without waiting for her response, you eagerly take her hand and lead her back to your group.

But as you returned to the group, your intentions to subtly steer her closer to Beomgyu were abruptly interrupted by Yeonjun's appearance. "Hey, I was looking for you. I found the guys I mentioned earlier and I want to introduce you to them," he said, his focus solely on Yunjin as he guided her away from you, towards his friends who were on the dance floor, making you feel invisible in the process. The way he looked towards Yunjin confirmed everything you needed to know.

Beomgyu appeared engrossed in an animated conversation with Taehyun and Jeongin when you hurried back to the group. Without a moment's hesitation, you seized his hand and pulled him away from the others, heading back toward the bar with a sense of urgency in your steps.

"What the fu—" Beomgyu began, but he stopped short as he took in your distressed expression.

"I think Yeonjun is Yunjin's mate," was all you managed to say before tears you had been suppressing welled up and trickled down your cheeks.

To outsiders, it might seem overly dramatic to cry over a guy, but Yeonjun wasn't just any guy to you. He was the one you had been in love with for as long as you could remember, and now it felt like your world was crashing down. You might have been labeled naive or unrealistic, but that didn't change the fact that it hurt like hell. Witnessing Yeonjun's face light up in a way you'd never seen before, all because of a girl who wasn't you, was a heart-wrenching reality. Beomgyu seemed to grasp this as he reached out, pulling you into his arms.

"How do you know? Did she say something?" Beomgyu's usual teasing tone, often centered around your crush on his brother, disappeared. He now spoke with genuine concern, understanding the depth of your feelings for Yeonjun.

All you could manage was a nod against Beomgyu's warm chest. The two of you remained in that embrace for a minute, an unusual scene not just because it was unprecedented between you two but also because it was happening in the middle of a club.

Finally, you stepped away from the hug, your eyes, which were gradually drying, locked onto Beomgyu. "She mentioned feeling a connection with him since the first day they met. She even said she thinks he might be her mate. But I wasn't sure until I saw how he looked at her. He's never looked at me like that. I'm sorry, Beomgyu. I really tried to tell her about you, but it seems like she's only got Yeonjun on her mind."

Beomgyu's response was unexpectedly understanding. "No, no, don't apologize. It's totally fine. If anything, I'm the one who should say sorry. I dragged you here today, and it's clear that your feelings for Yeonjun are on a whole different level than the physical attraction I had with Yunjin. I'm sorry about all of this, Y/N," he added, shaking his head.

"Hey, let's grab a drink and talk about something else. We're already here, so we might as well make the most of it and distract ourselves from those two." The idea of shifting your focus away from what had just transpired was a welcomed one, and you didn't hesitate to nod your head to accept his offer.

It all began quite mildly with vodka lemonades, but it quickly escalated into a flurry of shots, with each one sliding down your throat. Before you knew it, you found yourself intoxicated beyond your usual limits, a sensation that didn't bother you in the least. Beomgyu was on the same wild ride, and it seemed that both of you were in a state of inebriation that you rarely reached.

The club's atmosphere was electric, with the deep bass of the music reverberating inside you. Your sweaty bodies drew nearer and nearer to each other, and soon, you felt as though you were moving as one. It was a level of closeness you had never experienced with Beomgyu as you had never seen him in a romantic light. Undeniably, he was one of the most attractive people you knew (the entire Choi family seemed blessed in that department), but your heart had always belonged to the eldest Choi brother. However, in this moment, with a shattered heart and a new perspective, your childhood friend had taken on an entirely different allure which definitely explained the position you were currently in.

“Fuck, fuck, fuck!” You were practically screaming as Beomgyu increased the speed of his thrusts.

Having sex in a grimy club’s bathroom with your next-door neighbor was definitely the last thing you expected this night to take you, but here you were with your pants down panting into Beomgyu’s mouth as you felt all of him inside you.

While you weren’t practically sure when you moved from dancing on the dance floor to fucking in the bathroom, you definitely didn’t mind though, as you were getting your mind absolutely fucked out. You weren’t sure if it was the multitude of alcohol you had consumed or the after-effects of finding out about Yunjin and Yeonjun’s connection with one another, but your body seemed to be at an extreme high with the way you were feeling Beomgyu everywhere on your body. It was different from any other sexual experience you’ve had with other wolves and the way your body responded to his was automatic, as if you were perfectly tailored for him and him only.

With one hand on your breast, while the other was in your hair, pulling your head back to get easier access to your neck, Beomgyu also couldn’t help but feel a similar high. He’d never thought that seeing your fucked out expressions under him would give him this amount of pleasure, but now that he’s experienced it, he didn’t know if he would ever be able to stop thinking about it. You felt perfect around him and smelled so enticing, it was stirring his wolf to absolute madness. No matter how deeply he attempted to bury his nose in your throat, it was not enough. His wolf was screaming for something more. He needed to taste you and he knew exactly what he needed to do.

Pain exploded within you while you reached your peak and the the dynamic between pleasure and pain was almost too much for you as you felt your knees buckling while you felt yourself sliding down the stall’s door before Beomgyu caught you.

Without hesitation, Beomgyu had bit you right where your shoulders and neck met, ensuring his claim on you. And before you could process what was happening, your wolf took over to reciprocate the act, completing the mating process.

A lingering pain held you both in place, your teeth still sunk into each other's skin. Then, like a sudden, undeniable realization, it hit you with the force of a freight train. You and Beomgyu had just marked each other, forging an irreversible connection that would permanently link your fates.

Beomgyu still seemed to be in a daze, his bite unrelenting, and panic coursed through your intoxicated body. With a sudden burst of force, you pushed him away, and at last, he released his grip. As he took in your disheveled appearance and the newly marked skin, the weight of his actions seemed to hit him like a ton of bricks, his eyes widening in realization.

"Fuck! What the hell did we just do?" you screamed at him, hastily pulling up your pants and bolting out of the stall. Beomgyu followed, his words stuttering in his panic. "I-I don't know, shit!"

You dashed to the mirror, inspecting your neck, and what you saw made your heart sink. The bite was deep, and you could make out every detail of his teeth. A trickle of blood ran down your shoulder, and you winced in pain as you carefully traced the mark. Turning around, you pulled his shirt to the side to examine his neck, finding an almost identical bite mark, mirroring your own. There was no denying that the two of you had permanently claimed each other.

Panic was overwhelming, and the alcohol only added to the haze that clouded your thoughts. You rushed out of the bathroom with Beomgyu hot on your heels, shouting your name as you weaved your way through the growing mass of dancing bodies, which seemed to have multiplied in the last hour.

Your desperate attempt to reach the front door came to an abrupt halt when you accidentally collided with the last thing you needed to see tonight. Before you could turn and find another route, you found yourself facing the one scene that would shatter your already fragile state.

Yeonjun and Yunjin were passionately entwined on the dance floor, their lips locked in a heated kiss. Before you could react, they both noticed your distressed presence. "Y/N?" Yunjin called out.

Overwhelmed by the whirlwind of emotions and events, you couldn't fully deduce on how to react, and you felt your eyes burning as tears blurred your vision. Beomgyu had finally caught up to you, but his arrival only served to intensify the situation. Yeonjun, with his keen senses, quickly picked up on the extremely potent mix of your and Beomgyu's scents that wafted in the air, which were a telltale sign of what the two of you had been up to. His eyes zeroed in on the glaringly obvious marks adorning your bodies, and it didn't take long for all hell to break loose.

The four of you, engulfed in a mix of panic and anxiety, made your way back to your house, with Yeonjun demanding answers (mostly from his brother) and Yunjin attempting to soothe your distress. The pack house soon descended into chaos as the news of the marked bonds and the events at the club spread like wildfire, rousing everyone from their beds. Elders were urgently summoned to the house, while your parents anxiously paced, demanding answers from you and Beomgyu.

The two of you sat on the living room couch, with Beomgyu providing a more coherent account of the events (with many details omitted), while you remained in a trance, barely able to respond to anyone. Yunjin stayed by your side, holding your hand in a gesture of comfort, though it provided little solace amid the overwhelming situation.

"It appears that what has been done cannot be undone, especially considering the mating ceremony appears to have been finalized. I am afraid that the two of you are now bound for life. I'm sorry, but I believe there's little if anything, we can do about the situation." Elder Kwan finally concluded after what felt like an interminable wait for the Elders and your parents to reach a resolution.

"In a way, it might be comforting to know that the Moon Goddess is never wrong in her pairings. So, regardless of the circumstances, it appears that the two of you were destined to be mated. I understand you're both quite young, and it's not typical for wolves your age to be mated, but it was inevitable. Congratulations," Elder Lim added, and with that, everyone except your parents began to make their way out of the house.

Five days had passed since that life-altering night. Five days since you had last seen Beomgyu and five days since you had left your room.

"Miserable" hardly covered the depths of despair you found yourself in. Countless people had come by your house since the news of your newly mated status had spread, but you remained invisible to them all.

Initially, after the elders had delivered their verdict, your father had nearly lost control. He had launched accusations and screams at Beomgyu, accusing him of coercing you into this situation. However, you had sternly explained to your father that you were equally responsible for what had occurred, and that had managed to calm him down. Still, he struggled to approach you. However, you couldn't really blame him, as he had received no warning that you had even found your mate before you arrived home fully mated and marked. Your mother, on the other hand, was more sympathetic to your plight and made efforts to coax you out of your depressive state.

"Honey, you have to go see him. I know you're hurting inside, and staying cooped up in your room isn't helping anyone," she urged, fully aware of your inner turmoil. Your wolf had been howling for its mate since you separated from Beomgyu, and she was beyond furious with you for keeping her away from her mate as she was now unresponsive.

"I can't," you muttered, shaking your head.

She sighed and ran her fingers through your hair, attempting to provide some comfort. "Well, at least go see Taehyun. He's been here every day, and I can't keep turning him away. He's worried sick about you."

You were aware that Taehyun had been coming over daily to check on you, and while you felt terrible for ignoring him and the rest of your friends, you hadn't had the courage to face anyone during the past few days.

“C’mon, he’s right next door. He’s your best friend, maybe you’ll feel better getting out of your room and seeing him. It’ll get your mind off of everything, Y/N, it’s not healthy bottling all of this in.”

Your mother's persuasive words finally prompted you to reach for the front door of your house. As you stepped outside, a wave of regret washed over you. Beomgyu's scent was the first thing that hit you, an intoxicating blend of cinnamon and wood that made your body hyperaware, almost weakening your knees.

Beomgyu was about to get into his car when he spotted you emerging from your house. Five days had felt like an eternity for his wolf, and just the sight of you had him jumping with excitement. An awkward silence settled as the two of you locked eyes, and your gaze was drawn to the very visible mark on his neck, an immediate reminder.

"Y/N..." Beomgyu began, but the words seemed to escape him, and he didn't know how to continue.

Your wolf, who had been avoiding you and resisting your attempts to connect, suddenly sensed Beomgyu's presence and started to stir, eager for you to reach out to him and reconnect her to his wolf.

"Hey, Beomgyu," you managed to say, your voice trembling with the tension between you and Beomgyu.

"I'm sorry," you both blurted out simultaneously, heightening the awkwardness. Beomgyu decided to bridge the gap between you by moving closer.

"I'm sorry, Y/N," Beomgyu's voice held a sincere tone, his eyebrows furrowing with concern.

You shake your head, knowing fully that none of this was his fault alone. “No, don’t be sorry, we both did this to us. If anything, I’m sorry for shutting you out, I just needed some time. I’m sure your wolf was losing his mind.”

He nodded and offered a small smile. "I get it. Everything happened so fast. I don't blame you for needing some time away to process everything. Are you okay?"

This time, it was your turn to nod. "I guess. It's still hard for me to wrap my head around the fact that you're my mate. But, like Elder Lim said, it was bound to happen anyway, so there’s no point in resisting it."

"I'm really sorry about Yeonjun," Beomgyu said, feeling a twinge, knowing his mate previously held deep feelings for his brother and hoped to be mated to him. "I know I probably wasn't the Choi brother you were hoping for, but I understand how much you liked him. You'll need time to get over that."

Seeing Beomgyu in such a mellowed-out state was odd. Since you were young, Beomgyu had been known as the mischievous pup of the pack. Most wolves typically outgrew that role, but he seemed to carry it with him even to this day, which was one of the reasons you had difficulty seeing him as mate material. To witness this more restrained side of him was almost unfamiliar.

"Yeah, thanks. I mean, seeing Yeonjun with Yunjin and then immediately getting with you definitely forced me to move on quick," you acknowledged. Still, a lingering question had been eating at you and had contributed to your recent depressive episode.

"Do you feel it?" you asked Beomgyu, and his eyebrows furrowed in confusion.

"Feel what?" He was clearly puzzled.

"The connection. We've been told our whole lives that when we meet our mate and become mated, we'll experience this indescribable link that makes us feel complete. I don't know if knowing you my entire life has dulled that rush of feelings that most mates have. While I definitely feel my wolf yearning to be with you constantly, aside from that, I don't really feel anything. I'm sorry for being so upfront, but I need to know if I'm the only one feeling this way, and if it's my issue, or if you're going through the same thing?" Your candidness left Beomgyu quiet for a moment, and you instantly regretted it. Your wolf chastised you, and now you were panicking, worrying that you had been too blunt and might have hurt his feelings.

You’ve made him mad and now he’s not going to want us anymore. After five torturous days of not being able to be with him, the second we’re reunited, you’ve fucked it all up.

Before you could react and apologize to rectify the situation, Beomgyu spoke up and you felt your heart drop. "I don't feel it either."

His admission cut deep, and you felt a pang of hurt. Even though you had admitted that you didn't feel a strong connection with him, it still stung to know that your mate, to whom you were now permanently bound, didn't desire you in the same way that most mates did. You wondered if the elders were wrong, and perhaps this union wasn't truly meant to be.

"Fuck," you muttered, letting out a deep sigh. You were at a loss for what to do now and wanted to crawl back into your bed.

"But I don't think that necessarily means we're doomed," Beomgyu continued. "I believe in what the elders said, and I don't think being mated to you was a mistake. My wolf was driving me insane because we were apart," he admitted, and you nodded in agreement. "While we personally might not feel it yet, I think it's a good sign that at least our wolves are sensing the connection. We probably need some time, and I'm willing to do whatever it takes for us to make this work."

His words instantly provided you with a sense of comfort. Knowing that he was taking the situation seriously and was willing to put in the effort gave you hope. But it was still a bit disheartening to realize that you had to work on developing the connection with him that other mates seemed to naturally have.

Why couldn't things be easier for you like you were raised to believe they would be?

A month had passed, and you and Beomgyu had more or less fully accepted your situation. The pack had moved on from their initial curiosity and nosy questions, finding other topics to focus on. Gossips about your status and unconventional mating circumstances had faded away, allowing you a bit more peace.

Most days, you found yourself in the company of Beomgyu, attempting to forge some kind of bond. While the effort felt forced at times, you were determined to create a connection, if only to alleviate the persistent fear that you might never truly connect with him. Despite spending time together, it seemed that the two of you had yet to break through anything beyond the surface level.

“Take it, take it like the slut you are.”

In truth, any attempts to cultivate a deeper, more complex relationship between you and Beomgyu, that extended beyond being family friends, often got derailed by your strong physical bond, or rather, just horniness (seriously you felt like a teenager again with the constant need to take each other’s clothes off). The irresistible need to be intimate often overshadowed the potential for emotional depth, leaving your efforts to form a more meaningful connection feeling like a constant struggle against the physical desires that seemed to take precedence. In other words, it was now really fucking getting on both of your nerves.

Like, of course, you were aware and taught that mated wolves, especially newly mated ones, carried a need to be around one another and to breed as it was instinctual for your wolves to create offspring, you never would have guessed it’d come down to the constant need of being filled by him 24/7.

“Shit!” You had been screaming in pleasure for a couple of hours by now and it seemed like there was no indication that you nor Beomgyu were ready to be stopping anytime soon. Stamina like this seemed to also be a gift that came with your newly mated status.

“Beomgyu please, please, please!” You chanted as you clawed at the sheets.

Your once perfectly made face was now absolutely soiled as remnants of mascara, sweat, spit, cum, and tears were littered all across. Honestly, you couldn’t have been more grateful that your parents were away on an important trip outside of town with Beomgyu’s parents. There was no doubt in your mind that your poor mother (his too) would drop dead the second she got wind of how you had been spending the last few days.

“Keep fucking you yet you stay tight as a virgin like you were perfectly made for me and only me,” Beomgyu growled out as his hips snapped harder from behind you while his grip tightened. There were no doubt bruises in the shape of his fingers were forming around your waist.

You knew you were closing in on your third orgasm of the night as you felt the splintering sensation you were very well aware of reaching its boiling point. And as if he knew, a pinch to your clit was all it took for you to be crumbling down. Lightheadedness instantly came as everything around you seemed to turn white and you knew your body went limp, but that of course was no deterrent for Beomgyu as he continued to pound himself into you before finally reaching his peak.

Pulsing inside of you, you felt the familiar ache of your walls expanding as Beomgyu came. His dick continued to swell past its normal size as ropes of his cum continued to paint your walls. Your soft whines and his deep pants were now all that filled the room.

“Fuck, sorry I don’t think it’s going down anytime soon, hold on.” Beomgyu adjusts you to where the two of you can comfortably lay on your sides whilst waiting for his knot to go down.

With how much he came (so much that even with the knot, his semen escaped down your thighs) and with how tightly he was plugging you, there was no doubt in mind that your wolves were making it their mission to have you bred as soon as possible.

Suddenly bangs rained down Beomgyu’s door. Instantly you jolted at the unexpected intrusion which had you clenching around Beomgyu’s still rock-hard cock pulling a groan out of him. “Are you two fucking done now? Jesus Christ other people live here selfish bastards!”

Clearly too occupied by your pleasures, the two of you must have not heard anyone else coming into the house.

“Fuck off Soobin!” Beomgyu yells in response to his older brother as your face heats up at the realization that he’d probably heard everything.

“You think he heard everything?” You try to turn your head towards Beomgyu as you ask, but quickly realize the position the two of you were in wouldn’t allow you to face him.

His knot still felt like it wouldn’t be going down anytime soon which meant the two of you were stuck in a spooning position for a bit.

"Probably, but I don't care. It's Soobin; I've caught him with Chaewon more times than I'd have wanted to, so he's in no position to bitch." His voice is muffled as he nuzzles his face deeper into your hair and neck.

After what seemed like an eternity, likely the longest it's ever taken for his knot to go down, the two of you finally managed to detach and clean yourselves up a bit before bracing yourselves and leaving the room.

Of course, the second your feet hit the bottom of the stairs, your embarrassment tripled as you realized it wasn’t just Soobin present in the house.

“Y/N!” Yunjin's excited voice greets you as she runs up to give you a hug.

You hadn't seen her since the night at the club, and while you hadn’t intentionally avoided her, the part of you that wasn’t quite ready to face her yet lingered beneath the surface. It wasn’t her fault for what had transpired; she had no inkling of your feelings for Yeonjun (which she still didn’t know) and had no say in choosing her mate, just like you. However, witnessing her with Yeonjun only solidified your own emotional hurt.

Over the course of the month, you learned from Taehyun that she and Yeonjun had decided to get together, though taking it slow and not rushing into mating. But nevertheless, it seemed that they (along with everyone in the pack) were well aware that they were indeed true mates, confirmed by the elders just as you and Beomgyu had been.

“Hey, Yunjin how’s it been?” You reciprocated the hug nevertheless though as she was still your friend, but over her shoulder you got a glimpse of Yeonjun and the sadness in your heart that you’d been working hard to mend seemed to ached a little.

He looked good. Great even, which you decided to attribute to finding his mate. There was almost a bright glow around him and he just looked so happy. They hadn’t even been mated yet and Yunjin was already making him light up like that.

She responded to you, but your mind was elsewhere as you looked at Beomgyu, who was bickering with Soobin about something. He didn’t look any different. Where was his glow? Frowning at the realization that yet again there was another thing that you and Beomgyu’s relationship lacked in comparison to others.

Chaewon must have noticed how you had suddenly gotten upset as she interjected herself between you and Yunjin cutting the other girl off. “Hey, so sorry Yunjin, but I totally forgot I have to ask Y/N about something.” And she took your arm and dragged you away to the bathroom.

As soon as the bathroom door closed, Chaewon enveloped you in a hug, offering comfort. “You okay?”

You sighed deeply, sinking into her embrace. “I think something's wrong with me. Something’s not right with me and Beomgyu.”

This admission was the first time you vocalized your concerns. For a month, you’d kept it hidden, not disclosing it to anyone, not even Taehyun or your parents. It was a weight you carried, feeling like a failure—a broken wolf.

Chaewon pulled away slightly, a mix of concern and confusion on her face. “What do you mean? I thought things were going okay. I mean, we all heard you two upstairs.”

You shut your eyes tightly, fighting back tears, shaking your head with a sense of dejection. You were beyond feeling embarrassed at what they probably heard. “That's the issue. It’s purely physical between us. Every time we’re together, it’s just about that, but beyond fucking, there’s nothing. He’s still just the Beomgyu I grew up next door to, not my mate, not the love of my life.”

Her gaze softened, understanding the gravity of your words. Mates sharing a deep connection was foundational, and your experience seemed to deviate from that norm. No wolf was ever taught that there was a possibility of what you and Beomgyu currently had.

“Oh sweetie,” Chaewon dragged you into a tight hug again. “Have you talked to Beomgyu about this?”

You affirmed with a nod, "Yes, we're both aware that something isn't right, and we're genuinely making an effort. We spend time together almost every day, trying to bridge the gap, but it's been a month and we haven't felt any change."

The two of you stayed in a comforting silence, wrapped in each other's arms.

"Oh, Y/N, I'm so sorry," Chaewon's words carried genuine empathy. "I'm sorry about Yeonjun too. I know how much you liked him. We all did, and it wasn’t in a childish crush way. We all saw your feelings were real. I'm truly sorry for everything that has happened in the past month."

You've felt like all you've done for the past month was cry, and you despised it. Yet, as Chaewon spoke, tears still found their way down your cheeks. While you appreciated everyone's sympathy, a part of you wished those words could make a difference.

"Thank you, really. I just feel terrible that Yunjin’s kept in the dark about everything. I'm not deliberately avoiding her or holding any anger toward her. It's just that I need some time. Seeing her with him hurts a lot and it adds to the strain I feel about everything with Beomgyu. It's nobody's fault." You sniffled, pulling back slightly to wipe away your tears. Yeonjun was never yours to begin with, yet why did his presence still hold such a grip on you, even after finding your mate?

“Have you talked to anyone else about this?” Chaewon inquired, and you shook your head in response.

“I think it’ll really help to talk to Taehyun. He always knows how to make you feel better,” she suggested, her understanding evident. Taehyun was your best friend, and at this point, you felt unable to keep everything bottled up. You longed for the comfort only your best friend could offer.

With a nod at her suggestion, you decided, “You’re right, I think I’m gonna go there right now.”

With that, you attempted to compose yourself, ensuring you didn’t look like you'd been crying, and together, you both headed back out to rejoin the group.

"Hey guys, I think I’m going to head back. I need to do something," you announced to the group, who seemed engrossed in watching something on TV.

“Are you sure? We just put something on. We were thinking of maybe a movie night?” Yeonjun’s voice almost tempted you to stay, but you resolutely shook your head.

“I’m sorry, guys, maybe next time?” You hoped this would appease them as you exchanged another hug with Yunjin who genuinely seemed disappointed that you had to leave so soon before bidding them goodbye.

“I’ll walk you to the door,” Beomgyu offered, rising from the couch, and together, you both began heading towards the front door.

“Are you okay?” His voice was filled with concern as you started putting your shoes on, he could tell that you'd been crying.

“Yeah, I just need to talk to Taehyun about something,” you responded.

He noded, but before you could turn the handle, he reached out, taking your hand. As you turned to face him, he gently cupped your face in his hands and gave you a small kiss.

“Just call me if you need anything, okay? I don’t want to pry or anything, but I can feel how heavy your heart is,” he said softly. Your eyes widened slightly at the confession, but you decided against saying anything and just gave him a single nod before opening the door.

Chaewon's advice definitely seemed to help, as confiding in Taehyun turned out to be exactly what you needed. He attentively absorbed every detail as you poured your heart out to him. Initially, he was upset that you hadn't sought his support earlier, leaving you to face everything alone. Yet, he swiftly took it upon himself to lift your spirits. The next day, he suggested a trip downtown, which was only just outside of your pack’s territory. This seemed to work wonders, as genuine laughter bubbled up from within you—something that had been rare lately. Sharing an ice cream with Taehyun, you both joyfully wandered around, enjoying each other's company.

The weather was scorching hot, and even in your minimal attire of a thin tube top and shorts, sweat was trickling down your neck. It was the first time you hadn't felt self-conscious about displaying your mark, and you were glad you'd decided to change into what you were wearing now instead of the thicker and longer shirt that would have covered it.

"Hey, let's head over there. Didn't you mention you still needed to get something for Chaewon’s birthday?" you suggested, tossing out your empty ice cream cups before leading Taehyun towards a small shop. However, as you reached for the door, it swung open abruptly, knocking you down with force.

"Fuck," you groaned as pain shot through your bottom from landing on it. Taehyun rushed over to help you up, but before he could reach you, a hand extended in front of you. Looking up, you met the gaze of a good-looking boy about your age. You decided to take his hand, allowing him to assist you to your feet.

"I’m so sorry! I didn’t realize someone was behind the door. Are you alright?" His voice was filled with genuine concern, but his unfamiliar scent put your wolf on edge.

As you're about to respond, Taehyun interrupted, examining you to ensure you were not seriously hurt. "You good?"

"Yeah, I'm fine," you assured him. Turning back to the stranger, you offered a smile. "You're good, it's not your fault. You couldn't have known someone was behind the door." Your smile aimed to reassure him.

"I still feel terrible. Can I do something to make it up to you?" His offer seemed polite, but something about his demeanor raised your guard, and you quickly declined with a shake of your head.

“No, I’m fine, seriously. Don’t worry about it!” You forced another smile, eager to leave the situation and enter the store.

“Can I at least get your name? I’m Wonbin. I’m new around town, so maybe I’ll see you again?” His insistence was making you more uncomfortable, and your wolf was now screaming at you to distance yourself from this stranger.

Taehyun from the side could see the lingering looks that Wonbin was giving you that was obviously making you increasingly uncomfortable so he stepped in, creating space between you and Wonbin. “Back off, man. Can’t you see she’s already claimed?” He pointed to your neck, where your mark was visibly displayed.

Though Wonbin's eyebrows twitched at Taehyun’s assertive comment, he quickly returned to a friendly demeanor. “Sorry about that. I didn’t realize you were her mate.”

“We’re just friends, but her mate wouldn’t be pleased to know you were hitting on her like that.” Taehyun's tone lacked warmth, and although you and Beomgyu were dealing with your issues, Taehyun was right—Beomgyu definitely wouldn’t appreciate someone else showing interest in you.

Despite Taehyun's words, Wonbin remained unaffected, shamelessly continuing to look you over, making you regret your choice of clothing. His previously friendly smile now twisted into more of a smirk, worsening your anxiety. It was clear that even knowing you were already claimed didn't deter his interest in you.

“Well, just so you know, If I were her mate, I wouldn’t let her out of my sight. You never know what dangers are lurking around, waiting for the right chance.” Wonbin gave you one last look before walking away, leaving you with a chill running down your back.

You hadn’t felt this type of fear in a while and one thing was for sure— there was nothing friendly about him, and you sensed that you’d now been singled out as a target.

The moment you returned from your trip to town with Taehyun, an urgency drove you straight to Beomgyu's doorstep. Your body acted before your mind, taking you to his house and knocking before you even registered your actions. Your wolf, still reeling from the unsettling encounter with the stranger, sought comfort and solace from Beomgyu's wolf.

"Hey, I didn’t know you were coming over–" Beomgyu's greeting faltered as he observed your distressed state. His concern was evident as he furrowed his brows. "What’s wrong? Did something happen?"

Without uttering a word, you sought refuge in his embrace, initiating a deep hug that immediately brought a sense of relief. The whole experience had left you deeply unsettled. In the past, such attention from a stranger might have been flattering or easily dismissed. However, everything had changed since discovering your mate. The incident made you feel queasy, and the only solace you sought was from your mate's comforting presence.

Your voice muffled against his chest as you responded, "There was a wolf."

Beomgyu's body tensed in response. "What? Who was it? What did they do? You’re not hurt, are you?" He gently pulled away from the hug to check for any signs of injury.

“No, he didn’t hurt me, but I've never felt this uncomfortable before. He claimed to be new in town so I didn’t recognize his scent, but beyond that he just seemed off. Even with Taehyun there, I felt unsafe. It’s like something was off, and it’s making my wolf extremely uneasy. I don’t know if it’s because I’m mated to you now that any unfamiliar wolves set her on edge, but it wasn’t a good feeling,” you explained truthfully. You knew Beomgyu would eventually pry it out of you or find out from Taehyun so hiding it would serve no purpose.

As Beomgyu's body emanated more heat, you sensed a surge of anger brewing within him. It was as if your own emotions were mirroring his, an unfamiliar sensation.

“Fucking hell, I should’ve been there with you,” Beomgyu's wolf angrily chastised him, irritated at not being there to protect you.

Shaking your head, you replied, “He didn’t actually do anything. Taehyun made sure of it, and I don’t think he had violent intentions, but he made me extremely uneasy.”

“Who was it? He should've known you're already mine, your mark’s on full display and there’s no way he couldn’t smell me all over you. Fucking douche,” Beomgyu's readiness to confront the situation was palpable, but you swiftly placed your hand on his chest, urging him to stop.

“Hey, it’s fine. I’m here in your arms right now, and I already feel better. All I need is you to be here with me,” you assured him.

The unease had dissolved from within you, and you had a feeling it vanished the moment you were enveloped in his embrace. Your wolf found solace in knowing that safety lay where your other half resided. For the past month, you hadn't entirely found relief in Beomgyu despite knowing he was your mate. However, in this time of distress, you felt a sense of safety in him.

“Are you sure?” Beomgyu was still upset that an unknown wolf had made you so uncomfortable, but your reassuring gaze calmed him.

“I promise. All I want is you right now,” you tenderly said, leaning in to connect your lips before he could respond.

You could still feel his anger but as he slowly moved his lips against yours, reciprocating your action, it seemed to be overtaken by a stronger emotion that indicated that he wanted you just as much as you did.

Quickly, the two of you wasted no time going up to his room and the second his door slammed, you were stripping out of your clothes.

“Shit, baby everytime I see you I can’t believe how fucking perfect you are,” he cupped one of your breasts in his hands pinching at your bud releasing a moan out of you.

“Says you.” You responded before reconnecting your lips together.

As the two of you fought for dominance with your tongues clashing against each other, you helped him undress. Hands quickly reached down to his pants and with one swift motion you push his pants along with his undwear down while he swiftly took his shirt off. Lips attached again and your hand reached down to touch his hardened cock. Swiping your thumb against his head and spreading his pre-cum around the shaft as you wrapped your hand around his member, before giving it a good jerk. He hissed.

“Fuck, your hands are so soft.” As your hands tugged at his dick at a faster pace his lips attatched to your neck kissing over the mark that he was responsible for. It was a spot that was much more sensitive than anywhere else and you shuddered.

“I need you so bad,” you whimpered as he lapped over and over at your mark, making you pant. You knew he was making an emphasis on covering you with his scent due to what happened today.

With your whine you were pushed back into his bed and Beomgyu’s hands grabbed ahold of your thighs keeping them open. You knew you were incredibly wet and the sight of Beomgyu before you had you growing even more inceasingly so. He started slow on your thighs, kissing the insides of them, but it wasn’t enough.

“Beomgyu, please.” You begged wanting more than what he was teasing.

“Use your words princess, what do you need?” You knew he was dragging this on as he loved seeing you beg.

“Please, I need your mouth,” you begged again. At this point, you knew you had to be dripping and you were growing increasingly frustrated. He was kissing and lapping at everywhere but where you needed him most.

His hot breath ghosted over your core and you shuddered. “I think you’re going to need to be more specific than that.” He was toying with you and you couldn’t take it anymore.

“Please, I need your mouth on my clit,” you finally gave in and you could see him smirk in satisfaction before diving in.

Like a starved man, Beomgyu doesn’t hold back as he devoured your pussy. Your back arched as all sound from you seems to have been dissipated due to the overwhelming pleasure you were instantaneously given. His tongue gracefully lapped at your slit, parting your lips as his nose buried itself into your clit.

“Fuck,” is all you could manage as your hands reached for his hair, pushing him deeper into your core.

As he continued to make out with your pussy, his finger made its way inside of you and slowly started puming in and out. The sounds you were making were music to his ears, encouraging him to continue adding another finger and slowly start increasing the speed of which his fingers were fucking you. His lips were now wrapped around your clit and you knew you were so close to reaching your peak.

“I’m so close,” you mewled out as you felt the familiar feeling rippling within you. And before you knew it the hot blinding light exploded as you loudly moaned his name.

You could see even in the dim light Beomgyu’s lower face glistening, covered in your release as he gave you a smile. Climbing up the bed he hovered over you and leaned in for a kiss and despite just having an orgasm, your body was screaming for another as your tongues clashed with each other. His hardened dick was felt against your stomach before he reached down to line himself with your drenched pussy.

He rubbed himself against your slit, covering his length in your juices before fully inserting himself in you.

“Fuck,” he hissed and without giving you a second to adjust, he pummeled himself in and out of you.

You were sensitive from your previous orgasm, but you couldn’t care less when the pleasure you were experiencing was the only important thing in your mind. His thick cock was bruising your cervix as he wasn’t holding back, using the strength of his wolf to his advantage.

“Shit, Beomgyu! You’re so deep right now,” you wailed out as you held tight to his shoulders. His headboard was banging into his walls as Beomgyu moved at an unstoppable pace.

“Yeah, feel me here?” He gave you an almost smug look before pressing a hand down on your stomach, right where his cock was slightly bulging out from.

“Yes, yes, yes!” You screamed out, raking your fingernail deep into his back.

He grabbed one of your legs and pulled it up, hooking it on his shoulders and as if it was possible, you felt him even deeper within you. Tears were forming in your eyes at the overwhelming pleasure you were feeling and with the change of position, he seemed to be thrusting even harder and faster in you.

“My pretty cock hungry mate. No one can fuck you like I can, can they?” You shook your head.

“No, only you!” You cried out. You could feel yourself once again getting close to reaching that peak.

“Fuck, you feel so good, should just breed you full of my pups.” Beomgyu panted out as one of his hands made its way around your neck. “Maybe then all these other wolves will know you’re mine and mine alone.”

“Please, Beomgyu! Please breed me!” The fingers wrapped around your throat squeezed just the right amount and you knew you had just reached your peak. As if someone had cut out all noise, a ringing in your ears was all you could hear while your eyes rolled to the back of your head while you let out a sob.

Beomgyu panted above you as he animalisticly snapped his hips into yours and before you knew it, you felt warm spurts of his cum coating your insides as the familiar swell of his cock started to expand your walls. “Fuck!”

His body collapsed on top of yours, sweat mixing with one another's as the two of you attempted to catch your breath.

"You're fucking incredible," Beomgyu panted out before planting a kiss on your forehead.

His compliment made your face hot, and for the first time in your relationship, warmth spread through your heart. The flutter of butterflies in your stomach made you break into a smile, it was something you could easily get used to.

"Y/N, you gotta wake up right now," your eyes fluttered open at the your mom’s voice. It couldn’t possibly be morning already.

"What’s happening?" You asked, still half-asleep and trying to process.

"It's serious. Y/N, hurry up and get dressed," the urgency in your mom's tone jolted you awake; you could sense something had happened.

“What’s wrong?” You tore the covers off, scrambling out of bed. Though still drowsy, you were more alert, grasping the urgency once you caught a better look at your mom's furrowed brows and the scent of her almost panicked state.

You hastily threw on whatever clothes were within reach, disregarding your appearance, as you hurriedly followed your mom. She hadn’t explained the urgency behind dragging you out of bed in what still appeared to be the dead of night, judging by the darkness outside your windows.

“Come on, everyone’s at the pack house.” Her statement heightened your worry.

Upon entering the grand house, your senses were immediately assaulted by a wave of intense emotions. It seemed every significant pack member had gathered, their expressions lacking the usual hope. Your eyes sought out Beomgyu, and without hearing a word, you sensed his seething anger. It felt as though the heat of his fury was emanating through your body, causing your wolf to whimper in concern, fearful of what might have happened.

“Apologies for summoning you in the middle of the night, but an urgent matter has arisen that allows us no time,” the Alpha addressed you, attempting to maintain his customary warmth. Yet, even he, never known for a quick temper, struggled to contain his anger.

“What’s happening?” Confusion and concern intensified within you.

“Did you happen to come into contact with a wolf not familiar to our pack recently?” Your body tensed, a sinking feeling dawning upon you.

You nodded, prompting a heavy sigh from your father and a deeper furrow of anger in Beomgyu’s brows. You could feel he was inches away from snapping.

“He's the son of the Alpha from the pack we've been having border issues with. As you know, their aggressive advances toward our territory have caused us much trouble. Tonight, their Alpha visited me. The wolf you met has claimed you as his mate and is challenging Beomgyu for you.” Your wolf, previously attempting to stave off full panic, was now in a state of distress at the Alpha’s revelation.

Scanning the room, you sought confirmation from the others, hoping the Alpha's words were a joke, but the serious expressions mirrored the gravity of the situation. Even Yeonjun and Soobin, typically lighthearted, wore stern expressions that also seemed to showcase anger, affirming the truth in the Alpha's words.

“That bastard is trying to rip you away from me, daring to claim you as his true mate despite knowing he’s absolutely irrelevant to you,” Beomgyu's rage surged, an overwhelming force that felt utterly foreign and shocking. It was so intense, you were sure you could almost feel your body resonating with his, flames of anger igniting within.

“I’m going to fucking kill him. How dare he even think he has a chance with a wolf already claimed. He's just sealed his own fucking fate.” Fiery fury blazed in his eyes, each word seething with intense emotion.

His father attempted to calm him, reaching out, but Beomgyu shrugged off the gesture. “Son, calm down. We need to approach this wisely.”

But Elder Kwon's voice cut in before Beomgyu could respond. “The young wolf's anger is justified. Their claim on Y/N not only threatens him but our entire pack. If they can take Y/N from us, it’s an affront to our pack's strength and unity.”

“How is his claim even valid? He probably just saw Y/N and felt attracted. There is no way there's any substance to what he’s saying. If anything, they’re probably using this as a pretext to declare their official threats to us, especially after learning that Y/N is from our pack,” Yeonjun's voice sliced through the tension.

The foreign pack’s aggressive moves had put everyone on guard. Your pack hadn't faced conflict or been attacked for decades, so the mere possibility made you feel queasy, especially since you were now at the center of it.

“She’s our Beta’s only child and the mate of one of our Alpha’s sons. She’s an integral part of our pack. This is practically a declaration of war,” Soobin's words resonated with the weight of truth. The fear gripping you was entirely justified.

“Is there a chance they could take me?” The question trembled in your voice, your anxiety reaching its peak. The thought of being taken away from everything you knew and loved was terrifying.

Instantly, Beomgyu shook his head, “No.”

The looming threat of losing you, his true mate, to an undeserving wolf ignited a tempest of emotions within Beomgyu's wolf. Despite the initial hurdles that shadowed your relationship, the irrefutable truth stood firm—you both were irrevocably bound as mates and just the thought of being torn away from you sent tremors of despair through his every fiber. Even if the path towards love was veiled in uncertainty and required time to blossom, Beomgyu was resolute in dedicating himself wholeheartedly to nurturing that sacred connection. He grasped the significance of the invisible yet unbreakable tether that bound you both, a connection he was willing to fight for, no matter the cost.

Instances of mates being torn apart from their true mates only heightened the gravity of the situation. You knew, with absolute certainty, that you'd rather face death than endure that fate. Love or not, Beomgyu was still your familiar comfort, far more meaningful to you than Wonbin could ever be.

In a moment that felt like an eternity, for the first time, your heart didn't ache for Yeonjun as it usually did. Instead, it was a yearning so profound, so raw, that it cut through your soul. It wasn't Yeonjun’s face, which you had been for all your life so used to searching for; it was Beomgyu's. The tug of longing, the deep yearning for him, was an unfamiliar yet undeniable ache in your chest. For the first time in your existence, it wasn't the past or the ghost of an unattainable love that haunted you, but the urgent, desperate need for Beomgyu's reassuring embrace.

The undeniable truth etched itself into your very being, Choi Beomgyu was your true mate.

The tension in town escalated following the indirect declaration of war against your pack. Border patrols were heightened to unprecedented levels, and Taehyun's father took extra precautions, stationing wolves around your house each night for added protection. However, their presence seemed somewhat redundant, as Beomgyu hadn't left your side since the threat emerged. Initially, it was a bit awkward for both your father and Beomgyu to essentially cohabit, but your parents understood the necessity for you both to be together, especially given the looming danger. They found solace in knowing that Beomgyu would go to any length to safeguard you, choosing that assurance over the fear of losing you indefinitely. However, this didn't mean there weren't moments of awkwardness amidst this tense situation, especially as you and Beomgyu had a hard time resisting each other.

The concerns about the struggles you and Beomgyu faced in establishing a solid connection seemed trivial now that the undeniable bond had finally revealed itself. It was an unfamiliar sensation, trying to adapt to the newfound ability to sense almost every emotion and vibration of his wolf. It was as though the two of you operated as a singular entity, connected on a level that transcended the ordinary. Love, however, didn't feel like the right term to define what you shared with him at that moment. Though you were sure you were going to get there one day.

"So, any plans to move in together?" Taehyun's casual inquiry hung in the air as you and Beomgyu nestled together on the couch. From his spot on the opposite sectional, Taehyun hinted at the subtly crowded atmosphere, though the vast expanse of your home made the idea of it being cramped somewhat absurd.

Across from you, Yunjin and Yeonjun were absorbed in their own world yet half-attentive, mirroring your cozy scene. A few months ago, witnessing such a scene would have been torturous and utterly heartbreaking, but as if by some enchantment, the love you once held for the older boy seemed almost erased, leaving you indifferent to their current affectionate bond. Your wolf, usually alert and sensitive to such moments, was preoccupied with Beomgyu's wolf, showing little interest in Yunjin and Yeonjun.

Surprisingly, you found yourself content that Yeonjun's mate was someone you genuinely approved of. Yunjin had seamlessly integrated into the pack, not solely as Yeonjun's unconfirmed mate but also because she was genuinely cherished by everyone. Any previous hesitance toward her had vanished, allowing you to interact comfortably like you had previously done with her without any lingering heartache. She was back to being a cherished friend of yours. Now, you could say with no hesitation that the only person occupying that part of your heart was Beomgyu.

Kai had also joined in tonight since his girlfriend was away, and Chaewon was also present but without Soobin as he was on border patrol. The gathering at your house started as a game night but quickly turned into a casual chat where discussions veered towards anything and everything. Though, the topic of Wonbin and his pack remained untouched throughout the evening. It wasn't just to avoid irritating Beomgyu; it was a sensitive matter that threatened the pack's stability. With the pack being the core of their lives, everyone was cautious not to stir up a topic that could bring tension. Moreover, you were Wonbin’s primary target, a valued member of the pack, making it an uncomfortably sensitive subject.

“I mean, we've definitely thought about it, and our parents are certainly more enthusiastic about it than us. But I don't think we're quite ready to take such a big step in our relationship just yet. Maybe soon, but not at this moment.” While you were growing more comfortable with everything, neither of you felt an urgent need to rush your relationship. If it were up to your wolves, though, you'd probably already be living together and starting a family.

“Your poor dad, Y/N. Having to witness his only child being taken away by Beomgyu of all people...” Kai's sympathy for your dad was evident, and everyone seemed to nod in agreement. It was no secret that Beomgyu had always had the reputation of being a bit of a naughty boy since he was young and wouldn’t be the first pick of mate for any parent. Even Beomgyu seemed to be aware and acknowledging his reputation as he nodded along.

“No, seriously, your parents are much stronger than me. You two have no self-control around each other. The number of times I’ve heard or even walked in on you getting your back blown—” Chaewon's candidness left you shrieking in embarrassment. Her lack of filter was well-known, but it was still mortifying. Beomgyu, on the other hand, found it more amusing than shameful, chuckling along with the rest of the group at your reaction.

“Ah ah, harder Beomgyu harder!” Taehyun joined in on furthering you humiliation and you were burning up with embarrassment.

"Oh my fucking God, cut it out!" You practically screamed, setting off an even more exaggerated response from the group, clearly relishing your reaction. "You're all absolutely horrible!”

"Hey babe, it's alright, they're just joking and I mean they’re not wrong," Beomgyu chimed in, unintentionally worsening the situation. The feeling of betrayal stung, and you gasped, pulling yourself away from his comforting embrace. Marching across the room, you headed straight for where Huening Kai was seated, letting out an audible hmph.

"Wait, no, come back! Fuck, I'm sorry!" Beomgyu rushed to apologize, attempting to coax you back into his arms, but you were resolute, settled in your place beside Huening Kai.

"Whu psh," Yunjin mimicked the sound of a whip cracking. "Beomgyu, you're so whipped! You should see your face right now, like a puppy who just lost its favorite toy."

Beomgyu shrugged dismissively at her comment, though he knew it held a grain of truth. "Well, I don't think you're in a position to judge, considering you're practically glued to my brother like a koala."

Just as their banter threatened to escalate, Yeonjun intervened, offering reassurance to soothe the embarrassment festering within you.

"Hey, hey, Y/N, it’s totally fine. I mean, that’s expected of mates, especially newly mated ones. Plus, you guys are young, so it's no surprise the hormones are raging," Yeonjun smiled warmly, trying to ease the tension. But even with his attempts, you remained visibly flustered, arms tightly crossed in a self-defensive gesture.

“Yeah, Yeonjun’s right, they're just as bad as you guys, and they haven’t even claimed each other yet!” Taehyun gestured towards the other couple in the room, diverting attention to them.

“Yup, you two are equally disgusting. I mean, where’s the decorum? Shit, the kitchen is literally where people cook!” Yunjin's embarrassed outburst broke the tension, finally eliciting a chuckle from you amidst the teasing.

Riiing Riing

Amidst the loud laughter, the unmistakable sound of a phone ringing caught everyone’s attention.

“Hello?” Yeonjun answered, but his previously lighthearted expression turned dark as a scowl appeared on his face. “Okay, we’ll be right there.”

An uneasy hush fell over everyone as they looked to Yeonjun, waiting for an explanation.

“Dad just called. There’s something happening at the border, and they need backup,” Yeonjun announced, his words instantly casting a shadow of concern over the room. Instantly, a frown etched across your face, the mirth from moments ago evaporating in an instant.

There hadn’t been any recent issues, but the news of trouble at the border stirred an unsettling feeling in your heart, shared by everyone in the room. It could be nothing more than a rogue stray, but the possibility that it might involve Wonbin's pack left a heavy weight in your chest. You could sense Beomgyu's heartbeat quickening, mirroring your own unease.

“I’ll go with you,” Taehyun volunteered immediately with no surprise as this was exactly what he had been training all summer long with his dad for.

Before Beomgyu could voice his offer, a surge of dread enveloped you, prompting an immediate response. You shook your head in refusal.

“I’ll go too.” The words escaped your mate's lips, causing your heart to plummet. Meeting Beomgyu's gaze, you silently begged him to remain by your side.

“It’s okay, it’s probably nothing. We’ll be back by tonight, I promise.” Beomgyu assured you, though his wolf howled within him at the thought of being away from you. He understood that if this situation extended beyond a rogue threat, his absence would be his way of ensuring your safety.

“I’m going with you guys too,” Chaewon chimed in and you quickly whipped your head to face her.

“Okay, then I’m going too,” you insisted firmly, but instantly you saw everyone shaking their heads at you. Everyone understood the potential risk if you were near the border.

“No, you're not,” Beomgyu countered firmly, his concern evident in his furrowed brows. His tone left no room for negotiation.

“Yeah, Y/N, he’s right. It’s probably nothing, but it’s better not to risk anything,” Huening Kai added, his expression showing traces of unease.

But they needed to understand that staying within the confines of your home didn't offer solace while everyone you cherished, including your mate, ventured out, putting themselves at risk for your safety.

“Seriously, Y/N, Dad didn’t sound too concerned, so it’s probably nothing serious. Just stay here with Yunjin and Kai. We'll return soon,” Yeonjun offered a small smile, hoping to reassure you, but your expression remained tense.

You scanned the room, seeking reassurance, until your gaze locked with your mate's. Through that silent connection, his presence offered solace. “It's alright, I'll come back.”

With that, he held you tightly in his arms, and your wolf instinctively sought comfort from him, silently pleading for him to stay. The reality of your friends not allowing you to join them weighed down on you. So, with a heavy heart, you reluctantly let Beomgyu go, sharing a deep kiss before he departed. Your eyes followed him until he vanished behind the closing door, leaving a lingering unease within you.

“Hey, it’s gonna be fine,” Yunjin offered a tight smile, trying to reassure you, though you sensed her own unease. You nodded, attempting to brush off the worry. Your wolf was probably being dramatic at the fact that she had to part with her mate.

“How about we put on a movie or something to pass the time while we wait for them to get back?” Huening Kai's suggestion sounded like a good distraction, and you nodded, eager for anything to take your mind off the constant worrying about Beomgyu and the others.

“Okay, you guys can pick something. I’ll go make some popcorn then,” you decided, heading towards the kitchen pantry to grab popcorn and a few other snacks for Kai and Yunjin.

From the living room, you could faintly hear your friends discussing which movie to pick for the night as the popcorn started to pop in the microwave.

Beep Beep

The microwave's alert signified that your popcorn was ready, but as you reached to open it, a surge of raw fear seized your body, sending shivers down your spine. Your wolf was all of a sudden howling at you to flee, a visceral warning that someone who shouldn't be there had somehow made their way inside your house.

"Kai? Yunjin?" Your voice trembled with audible panic, but your calls went unanswered. Their noisy chatter from earlier seemed to have dissolved into an eerie silence that gripped the air.

Then, without warning, an ominous white mist began to seep into the living room, thick and suffocating. The acrid smell stung your nostrils, and your eyes stung as tears welled up. Your wolf's urgency to escape pulsed through you, but a chilling sense of paralysis rooted you to the spot. Your body refused to respond, leaving you helpless as you collapsed, feeling every second in excruciatingly slow motion.

The thickening smoke enveloped you, obscuring your vision and suffocating your senses. Panic seized your chest, your heart pounding in sync with the rapid beeping of the microwave. Then everything went dark.

Your dry mouth was the first thing you noticed upon waking up. The unfamiliar brown-walled room raised alarm bells in your head. Memories of what occurred before being knocked out rushed back, triggering a surge of panic as you surveyed your surroundings. You had no idea where you were.

Ignoring the ache in your bones, you threw off the covers and dashed towards the door. It was locked tight, the doorknob refusing to budge. The room, while not overly small, contained nothing except a bed. Above it, a window beckoned, and you hurriedly made your way there. Yanking back the curtains, your optimism crumbled at the sight of metal bars barricading any chance of freedom through the window.

“Fuck,” you cursed in realization of your entrapment. Where the fuck were you?

The room offered nothing that could be use to your situation, leaving you frustrated and eager to try the door again, hoping against hope for a miracle. As you approached, the doorknob began to jiggle, sending a rush of fear through you. It was an unsettling feeling, not knowing who might be on the other side. And unfortunately, your suspicions were confirmed as the door swung open to reveal the last person you ever wanted to see.

Wonbin strolled in, a smug grin adorning his face as he met your startled gaze. “Took you long enough to wake up. I asked them to go easy on the wolfsbane, but clearly, those fucking idiots didn't listen.”

Wolfsbane. It all clicked into place—how you'd been incapacitated so swiftly.

“Wonbin, where the fuck am I?” Your voice held an edge, reflecting the anger brewing within you at the precarious situation.

“What do you mean? You’re at our pack house. We rescued you,” Wonbin retorted with an overtone that seemed patronizing, further fueling your fury.

“Rescue me? From my pack, my home, my friends, and my mate?” Your tone sharpened as you mentioned Beomgyu, causing Wonbin's grin to vanish, replaced by a scowl.

“Don’t fucking talk about him. He’s not your mate. You’ve been brainwashed by your pack,” he spat, visibly agitated by your defense of Beomgyu.

“You're fucking insane! I don’t even know you! Beomgyu is my mate, not you stop being delusional. I want to go back to my pack!” Your voice rose in indignation. The audacity of Wonbin to make such baseless claims incensed you beyond measure.

“No,” Wonbin growled as he lunged at you, wrapping his hand around your neck tightly as he pushed you against the wall. “You belong with me so stop resisting it, I know you feel it too. It wasn’t fucking easy getting you here so stop being an ungrateful bitch and be thankful that we saved you.”

The grip he had on your throat was tight and choking you as you felt your eyes water while your air was constricted. You clawed at his arm in hopes for him to release you. “Stop, please.”

As if he was in a trance, the angered glaze over his eyes snapped back to reality and once he realized what he was doing to you, Wonbin instantly let go, making you fall to the floor gasping for air.

“Oh shit, fuck. I’m sorry I didn’t mean that,” he leaned down to check if you were okay but you quickly took this chance to head butt him on his face and bolt out of the room without even sparing him a second.

“Fuck!” Wonbin screamed out, no doubt you had atleast done some damage to his face.

With adrenaline surging through your veins, you dashed out of the room and bolted down the stairs. But any attempt to strategize your escape was cut short as, upon reaching the staircase's base, you were confronted by a cluster of young men—undoubtedly members of Wonbin's pack.

“Don’t let her escape!” Wonbin’s enraged shout echoed behind you, his fury palpable.

Taking advantage of your head start and their initial surprise, you made a beeline for the door. The only thought in your mind was to reach the outside and change into your wolf, but the exit seemed impossibly far. The pack members, larger and swifter than you, quickly closed in from both sides, effectively blocking any route of escape.

“No, get your fucking hands off me!” You screeched, clawing at them to release you, but to no avail, their hold on you was unrelenting as they carried you back upstairs.

“Fucking bitch got me good,” Wonbin raged, the fire in his eyes blazing fiercely. Blood streamed down his face, evidence of your attack that had left his nose crooked to one side.

They forcefully escorted you back to the room, hurling you inside and slamming the door shut, leaving you alone with Wonbin. Fear gripped your entire being, realizing the extent of his anger from your attempted escape.

“Please, I just want to go home,” you pleaded desperately, tears brimming in your eyes. The unfamiliar surroundings and the presence of strangers sent a shiver down your spine. All you wanted was the familiar warmth and safety of your home.

“I told you, this is your home now. You’re being fucking ungrateful, I saved you!” his voice seethed with frustration. His agitation was palpable, and you sensed he was on the brink of losing control.

How had everything spiraled into this nightmare? How could a chance encounter with someone lead to being kidnapped?

“Wonbin, I know there's nothing between us. You can't keep me here; I'm not your mate. You need to let me go,” you pleaded, but it seemed like your words fell on deaf ears. Wonbin was fixated on the idea that you belonged to him, despite the fleeting and insignificant nature of your prior interaction.

“Stop denying it! The moment I laid eyes on you, I knew you were meant for me. My wolf connected with yours in a way I've never experienced before!” His voice resonated with fury and desperation.

Your tears flowed freely, a mix of frustration and fear consuming you as you felt utterly powerless in the situation. “You can't force feelings that aren't there! My pack is going to find me, and when they do, Beomgyu is going fucking kill you, you sick bastard!”

The next few moments unfolded in a surreal, almost cinematic manner, as if you were a mere spectator to your own life rather than an active participant. Wonbin lunged at you once more, his hand aiming for your neck. However, instead of tightening his grip, he swiftly turned your head to the side and sank his teeth into the exact spot where Beomgyu's mark rested on your neck.

A searing, blinding sensation shot through every nerve of your body, rendering you immobile. The agony you experienced was a stark contrast to the previous marking by Beomgyu; this pain wasn't the sweet, intimate agony you had felt with his mark. No, this was an excruciating torment, as though molten metal had been poured onto your skin, scorching it raw. The agony consumed you, leaving you helpless to do anything but unleash piercing screams, tears cascading down your hauntingly contorted face. Each moment felt like an eternity as the intensity of the pain grew, until finally, darkness engulfed you, mercifully offering respite from the overwhelming agony.

You couldn’t determine the length of your imprisonment in this grim place. It felt like days had passed, though it might have stretched into weeks or even months, but you had lost track. Your state resembled catatonia; Wonbin entered your cell multiple times a day, urging you to eat and talk, but your responses were nonexistent. Your weakened body struggled even to sit up, let alone engage with Wonbin's twisted fantasies.

Wonbin's bite had inflicted a devastating toll on you, seemingly killing you both physically and mentally. Once filled with the vibrant energy of your wolf, you now felt a void. Every attempt to connect with your wolf ended in pitch-black emptiness, as if she was never even there in the first place. You were convinced that Wonbin's bite had killed her, leaving you on the brink of succumbing to a similar fate. The wound from his bite festered, refusing to heal and instead spreading its infection throughout your body. Pus oozed from the site, signaling your deteriorating condition. Your body showed signs of impending demise, resembling a shadow of your former self, and the loss of appetite only exacerbated your bleak situation. Desperation for survival eluded you; your spirit had dwindled to a mere spark in the face of such overwhelming torment.

“Y/N, please, you have to eat,” Sungchan pleaded, his voice laced with concern. He had been tasked with delivering your meals every day, but his efforts to persuade you to eat felt futile, a recurring conversation that had lost its impact.

You turned your head to face the tall boy. Sungchan was kind, and in a different circumstance, you might have found friendship in him. Yet, in this grim reality, he was undeniably tied to Wonbin and his pack, making it impossible to separate the two in your mind.

Shaking your head weakly, you whispered, “I don’t want to die here.”

His brows furrowed in genuine worry, “You’re not going to die.”

With a bitter laugh that drained you further, you retorted, “Yesterday, one of your elders and your Alpha were here to check on me. I heard them talking outside. They said I was dying. It won’t be long now, I suppose.”

“We’re not going to let you die. Just eat, it’ll make you feel better,” Sungchan persisted, his tone tinged with helplessness. He attempted to convince you, although deep down, he knew their efforts might be hollow at this point.

“You know that’s not true.” Your voice was barely a whisper, filled with a longing to see your pack one last time, to find solace in Beomgyu's warm embrace before dying.

Sungchan grappled with conflicting thoughts. He had no firsthand experience of having a mate, but seeing your deteriorating condition made him question everything. In the beginning, he believed his friend's claims, but the more he witnessed your decline, the more he realized the falsehoods in Wonbin's assertions. How could you possibly be Wonbin's mate when you only got worse ened the longer you were under his control?

“Can I ask you for a favor?” Your question interrupted his thoughts, causing Sungchan to startle slightly. He nodded slowly, his expression reflecting uncertainty about your request. “When I die, can you tell Beomgyu that this wasn’t his fault and that I love him?” With that, you turned away, settling back onto your bed.

Sungchan’s eyes filled with tears at your words, feeling the weight of your words settle heavily upon him.

You were sure it isn't time for breakfast yet when you're awakened, and from what you can see through the crack between the curtains, it's still the middle of the night.

"What's happening?" You croaked, your eyes adjusting to the light. Before you stood Sungchan, accompanied by Anton, another one of Wonbin’s pack mates, though you haven't been as acquainted with him as you were with Sungchan.

"You have to be quiet. Here, wear this," Sungchan instructed, handing you dark clothes. He and Anton turn around, offering you privacy to change. You hesitated, but complied.

"What's going on?" You repeated once you were changed, utterly confused by the unexpected turn of events.

“We’re getting you out.” Anton revealed.

The words seemed surreal, and your disbelief was evident on your face, prompting Sungchan to reaffirm what the younger boy just said. "Yeah, we're going to help you return to your pack. Back to your mate," Sungchan whispered to you.

Your eyes widened, but you were not entirely convinced. Just hours earlier, there was no sign that Sungchan would fulfill your wish to return home, so you remained cautious.

“We have to be really quiet, though. The Alpha and Wonbin are both on patrol duty alongside a couple of the others, but Eunseok is still next door, so we have to be careful.” You were still reeling with the fact that this seemed to be happening, but you didn’t hesitate to nod.

The three of you then quickly made your way out, moving stealthily down the stairs, holding your breaths, hoping there were no creaks to wake up Eunseok. It felt surreal when you reached the back door, and when Anton opened it, fresh air greeted you, bringing tears to your eyes.

“Through the back part of the woods, there are only two patrols tonight, so that’s the route we’re going to take. It’s going to take a little longer, but we can’t risk getting caught at all,” Sungchan informed you of the plan as the three of you navigated through the woods, staying vigilant, taking in your surroundings in case anyone was out in these areas.

“You’re wearing Sungchan’s clothes, so hopefully his smell masks you enough to not stick out to anyone. Sorry if it’s stinky,” Anton chuckled a little, attempting to lighten the situation. However, you frowned, realizing you couldn’t detect his scent or any scent at all, even when you pressed your nose firmly against the sweatshirt. It dawned on you that your wolf might have truly perished, leaving you unsure if you could even transform anymore.

“I’m sorry, Y/N.” After a somber silence, Sungchan broke the quietness. “I really thought you were Wonbin’s mate. The way he came to us after meeting you had everyone convinced that he really had found his mate.”

Anton nodded, a pained expression on his face. “Yeah, we were blinded by our loyalty, too caught up to realize he might’ve been mistaken. We thought you had been stolen from your true mate when, in reality, we were the ones stealing you from yours.”

Your heart ached with the realization of the damage Wonbin had caused, dragging innocent people into the turmoil created by his misguided infatuation. “I can’t say that I can fully come to forgive you guys, but thank you for saying that. I know that ultimately, Wonbin is to blame, and you were acting in response to your loyalty towards him, but I think there are irreversible consequences due to what happened. I can’t feel my wolf.”

Anton gasped, turning towards you in disbelief. “What do you mean?”

“She’s been gone since Wonbin bit me, and no matter how much I’ve called out for her, I’m just left with coldness. I think that’s why I’m dying. I can’t smell anything, and I’m not even sure I have the strength to turn, if I can even do that,” you explained, feeling the despair of being stripped of the essence of your being.

“Maybe she’ll come back once we get you back. I’m sure of it,” Sungchan offered in a faint attempt to provide hope.

You offered back a tight smile, but you weren’t as optimistic as they seemed to be.

"Okay, once we pass this tree, we'll likely be in range for the patrol guys to hear or catch our scent. Anton and I will handle them; while we're distracting them, you need to circle around through those trees and start running. This is as far as we can take you without raising suspicion," Sungchan explained the plan, making your heart race knowing how close you were to making it back home.

"Thank you both for doing this, and I'm sorry Wonbin dragged you into this mess." Even though you knew they weren't entirely innocent in your capture, you couldn't shake the guilt over how Wonbin's selfish desires had caused such chaos. Returning to your pack, you knew they wouldn't let Wonbin's pack get away with what they'd done. There was likely going to be war waged between the packs, especially once they see Wonbin’s mark on your skin.

"I am genuinely so sorry for everything, Y/N and there’s probably no chance we'll meet again, but I hope you get better," Anton said, offering you a final smile before they leave, heading towards the patrolled area.

From behind a large tree, you could faintly hear Sungchan and Anton making noises, signaling your cue to start running along the path they'd instructed.

You were exhausted, each step feeling like your last as fatigue weighed heavily on your body. However, the thought of reuniting with your pack pushed you to take one more step until you seemed to have reached a main road. Keeping your pace, you kept going, not knowing exactly where you were, but you knew the further away you were from Wonbin, the safer you were.

You didn’t know how long you had been running but you knew you had reached almost the end of what your body could withstand with hour your vision started to cloud with black spots, and breathing became harder and harder. Then, a flashing bright light caught your attention, sending a bolt of fear through your already exhausted frame. Had they finally caught up to you?

Instinctively, you swerved to flee, but unexpectedly collided with someone, the impact forcing the air from your lungs. “Oof!”

“Y/N?” The voice that uttered your name was tinged with astonishment and disbelief

Looking up, as you recognized the face, a strange mix of relief and exhaustion enveloped you. Your body, sensing safety, began to shut down, pushed beyond its limit.

"Hey, I need backup over here!" Taehyun's dad's urgent call resonated through the air, likely directed to the other members of the patrol. He turned back to you with reassurance. "Y/N, hey, I've got you. We've got you. You're safe now," were the last words you heard before everything went black.

A sliver of bright sunlight peeked through the curtain, momentarily blinding you as your eyes fluttered open. The events of the past few days flooded back into your hazy consciousness, almost convincing you that it had all been a terrible nightmare. But as you attempted to move, your body protested with searing pain, a stark reminder that Wonbin's kidnapping had been reality.

Beside you, a figure in the bedroom chair stirred, catching your attention. "Y/N," Beomgyu blinked rapidly, trying to fully awaken at the sight of you. Instantly, waves of emotion surged within you, and tears streamed down your face. You were home.

"Shh, baby, it's okay." Beomgyu hurried to your side, enfolding you in his comforting embrace. His hand gently smoothed your hair as you sobbed into his reassuring warmth.

"Is this real?" You managed to ask through your tears.

"Yes, it is. I'm here," Beomgyu reassured you, holding you close until your emotions began to settle. "I'll go let everyone know you're awake. I'll be back."

Sniffling, you nodded, watching him leave the room. Yet, as you waited for Beomgyu's return, you couldn't shake the realization that your wolf had not returned. Sungchan's hopeful assumption that she would come back once you were reunited with your mate seemed to be disproved, leaving you feeling the absence of your essential part.

As Beomgyu re-entered the room, your parents followed closely behind, their emotions palpable as they laid eyes on your awakened state. Your mother dissolved into inconsolable sobs, her hands shielding her tear-streaked face, while your father, fighting back his own emotions, enveloped you in a tight embrace.

“Honey, I'm so sorry,” your father murmured, his embrace filled with both relief and regret. “We searched everywhere for you. They covered their tracks meticulously, even masking their scents with wolfsbane. It was impossible to trace.”

Beomgyu nodded in agreement, his expression tinged with restrained anger. “Every lead was a dead end. We knew their pack was nearby, with the way they had been causing trouble with us regarding the borders, but they hid you well. We did everything to find you, but they were one step ahead. It was well-planned, and I'm sorry we couldn't rescue you sooner.”

You observed the simmering fury behind the controlled facades of your father and Beomgyu. You knew they were suppressing their rage for your sake, but now that you were returned, they wouldn't hold back against Wonbin's pack.

“Sweetheart, what have they done to you?” Your mother's heart-wrenching words pierced the air as she took in your weakened state. The contrast from your healthy and vibrant self before your capture to your current frail appearance was stark. You looked drained and sickly, hollowed out by the ordeal. Despite the bandages concealing Wonbin’s bite, you felt the continuous deterioration within your body, an unrelenting decay.

“Wonbin, he-” You choked on the memory of the abuse inflicted upon you. “He marked me, tried to claim me, but my wolf rejected it. In the midst of it, I think... I think it killed her.”

Your mother's gasp reverberated through the room upon your revelation. “I can’t reach her. I can’t smell, hear, and I don’t think I can shift right now.”

Beomgyu huffed with suppressed anger, visible veins bulging in his neck as he struggled to contain his rage. His wolf seethed, enraged at the state his mate had been returned in. Despite your reunion, his wolf remained unable to feel yours. His desperate howls for her went unanswered.

“We’ll call the Elders; they’ll know what to do. Don’t worry about that now, focus on getting better,” your father attempted to reassure you, though uncertainty lingered in his voice.

“Yes, later we’ll discuss this with the Alpha and the Elders. But rest for now; you need it. Beomgyu will stay with you, he’ll make you feel better” your mother addressed your mate, receiving a nod confirming his intention to remain by your side. Beomgyu had made it clear he would never let you out of his sight again.

You nodded at your parents as they hugged you tightly, your mother holding back sobs before leaving you to rest. The room fell into a solemn quiet, only disrupted by the sound of Beomgyu's stifled sniffles. As you turned to him, you noticed tears streaming down his face. The once fiery anger in his expression had given way to an overwhelming sense of devastation.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. I’m so sorry, I couldn’t do anything,” he said, kneeling beside your bed. A closer look revealed how much he had been affected. His vibrant features were now pale and worn out, the usual sparkle in his eyes replaced with a hollow emptiness. He seemed sleep-deprived, his exhaustion etched into every line of his face. Your heart ached at the sight of him.

“Oh, Beomgyu, it’s not your fault,” you reassured him, reaching out to cup his face and wiping away a tear.

“But you are my responsibility. Mine to cherish and mine to keep safe, but I failed you in every way a mate can. Now you're bearing the consequences. I feel like a part of me was ripped away and I ache, longing to feel you again, but I can’t. I can’t imagine what you went through, what you’re going through right now,” Beomgyu's words were heavy with guilt, taking on responsibility for your suffering even though it wasn't his fault.

"Baby, it’s not your fault. Wonbin’s the only one to blame for everything, you can’t put that on yourself," you reassured him, gently urging him to come up onto the bed. "Come on, let’s sleep. I think we both need it."

As the days slipped by in a blur since your awakening, the constant stream of visitors revealed a spectrum of emotions, from guilt to sadness, from your friends. Meetings with the Elders and the Alpha became routine, although you struggled to remain engaged for long as fatigue often overcame you, urging you back to rest. Despite everyone’s best efforts, you didn’t seem to be getting better.

"We know where they are, why can't we just go after them?" Beomgyu's frustration echoed in his raised voice, pacing the room in agitation. With each passing day, his impatience grew regarding the lack of decisive action.

"We can't risk a war," his father stated with an exhausted sigh, understanding his son's sentiments all too well. As much as he empathized with his son's anger and the injustice done to the family, his role as Alpha demanded a broader perspective. You were now part of his family, and the assault on his loved ones evoked a deep sense of anger and distress, but his responsibilities to the pack weighed heavily in decision-making.

“She's your fucking daughter-in-law, my mate, and you're just going to let them get away with what they did to her?” Beomgyu's anger surged, directed at his father, causing Yeonjun to stand and attempt to calm his younger brother.

His father, burdened by the weight of leadership, sighed deeply, trying to maintain composure amidst the escalating emotions. "They will face consequences, but we must proceed with caution. We can't rush into a conflict," he tried to reason, his tone strained with the gravity of the situation.

Beomgyu, consumed by fear and anger, felt a surge of despair. "Clearly not! Stop being a fucking pussy and hiding behind diplomacy! She's dying, and if she goes, I know I will too. So I hope you don’t regret not acting then," he raged before storming out, leaving behind a stunned silence.

He made a beeline for the house next door and straight to your room, knowing your fragile state. Seeing you weakened and still without your wolf, his heart ached with a raw intensity. He wasn't just fighting for justice; he was fighting for your life, aware that losing you now would shatter him beyond repair.

The atmosphere in the room was heavy with unspoken sorrow as Beomgyu settled next to you. His presence brought a fleeting comfort that momentarily eased the weight of your pain.

“How’re you feeling?” His voice was tender, his concern evident in the way he gazed at you.

You managed a faint smile, making room for him under the covers. “I’ve been okay, just the same. My shoulder hurts a lot, but I think I’m kind of used to the ache now.”

As he joined you in bed, you nestled into his embrace, seeking solace in his warmth. His arms enveloped you, offering a sense of security in this uncertain time. The quiet moments with Beomgyu were the highlights in your otherwise bleak days, and you cherished this closeness.

“I promise you’ll get better, I’ll do everything I can,” he murmured softly, his words filled with sincerity even as the harsh reality loomed over both of you. The hope for a recovery seemed dim, despite the Elders' efforts.

“It’s okay, Beomgyu,” you replied, your voice quivering with emotion. Tears threatened to spill, but you held them back, looking at him with a fragile smile. The weight of the situation hung in the air, and both of you knew the inevitable truth. Yet, in that moment, you found solace in each other’s presence, clinging to the love that bound you together.

In the quiet of the room, hearts heavy and minds burdened, you held onto each other, hoping against hope that love would somehow conquer the devastation. As sleep enveloped you, you both prayed for a miracle, for anything that could piece together the shattered fragments of your world.

The night laid still, marked only by distant owl hoots, yet you jolted awake, an unusual occurrence for you to rise before dawn. Reaching out beside you, your hand met nothing but cold sheets. Beomgyu was gone.

You scanned the room frantically, hoping to catch a glimpse of him, but there was no trace. Fumbling for your lamp, you sought the solace of light to offer some clarity. His absence in the dead of night was unfamiliar and unsettling.

As you contemplated getting out of bed, the door creaked open. Your body tensed with uncertainty, until the form of a familiar, colossal beast emerged, its fur as dark as the night itself. Relief swept over you momentarily, recognizing the distinct wolf form to be none other than your mate. However, as the figure drew closer, a viscous liquid dripping from their fur became apparent, sparking fear in your eyes.

“What happened?” You instinctively reached for his fur, panic setting in as you saw your hands smeared in crimson. You inspected every inch of the wolf's body, but there's no clear source for such an amount of blood, easing your immediate concern yet deepening your confusion.

“Beomgyu, whose blood is this?” You implored, meeting his glowing blue eyes, yet you received no response. He ignored your inquiries, seeking solace in your embrace as his massive wolf form pressed against you, compelling you to encircle your arms around his colossal figure.

“Please, babe, what happened?” You pleaded once more, urging him to meet your gaze. He let out a faint huff before finally shifting back into his human form, standing bare before you, his body coated in blood that seemed inexplicably present, prompting a surge of concern.

He pulled you into a tight embrace, unconcerned about the blood smearing everywhere, and you reciprocated, though his words sent a shiver down your spine. "Wonbin, we took care of him and his pack."

His revelation chilled you to the bone as the implications sank in. "What do you mean? Beomgyu, what did you do?"

“We couldn't just stand by after what he did to you. We went after him tonight. You don't need to worry about them anymore.” You felt a mix of relief and confusion, wanting more clarity.

"Who's 'we,' and what exactly happened?" You broke away from the hug, studying his eyes and blood-spattered face.

"Me, Taehyun, Chaewon, and Yeonjun went out tonight. Taehyun had been tracking Wonbin's every move and knew he was on patrol. We ambushed him, and he gave a good fight, but I think he underestimated me. He got what he deserved, left his head at his dad's doorstep. That should be a message to them. If they're smart, they'll know not to provoke us again, or they'll lose more than just him." His words filled you with both awe and dread, knowing your friends risked their lives to gain justice for you.

“Beomgyu, you shouldn't have risked it. Your dad is going to be furious. He doesn’t know, does he?” Your voice was fraught with concern, aware of his father's adamant stance against taking any action until he understood the situation completely.

He shook his head, seemingly unperturbed by his father's potential reaction. “He’s probably finding out now. Yeonjun said he’d handle him, but honestly, I don't care about the consequences. Wonbin needed to pay for what he did to you, and if I get punished for that, then so be it.”

“So it’s really over now?” you asked, feeling a surge of relief.

Beomgyu nodded, and a sob of relief escaped you. You surged toward him, wrapping him in a passionate kiss. Emotions from the tumultuous days surged through both of you, an overwhelming mix of love and relief, as if you were making up for the lost time. The kiss was intense, as if he had been deprived of you for an eternity.

His hands play with the hem of your shirt, the only thing you were wearing to sleep along with your underwear, and unable to stand his teasing, you to rip it off of you. Your bare body presses against his as you reconnect your lips. Both your hands roam all over each other’s bodies, unable to get enough of one another.

"God, Y/N, I'm in love with you," his voice trembled with an intensity that made your heart skip a beat. It was a revelation, a confession, delivered with such raw emotion that it brought a swell of emotions flooding through you. Your eyes welled up with tears as you realized the depth of his feelings, and your heart soared at the sheer overwhelming love he was expressing.

"I love you too," you managed to whisper back, your voice choked with emotion.

You leaned in to connect your lips again. Unlike any other times where the two of you were just fucking, this felt different. This shared love between you changed the very dynamic that surged between the two of you. The way Beomgyu moved inside of you wasn’t just to chase the feeling of mere superficial pleasure, instead the slow pace and shared kisses brought on beyond anything you had previously felt. It was a true form of unadulterated love and as the two of you reached your peaks together, you knew all too well at that moment that this was rare, pure, and dare you say perfect love found between you and him.

Still swept up in a euphoric rush that felt endless, Beomgyu sensed a deep understanding of his next move. Guided by his wolf’s instincts, but now with complete clarity unlike before, he acted with determination. His bite landed directly on your marred skin where Wonbin had forcefully marked you, signaling a symbolic reset in you and his connection.

Your breath hitched as his teeth grazed your skin. Although the previous marking had been excruciating and left you raw, Beomgyu's bite seemed to bring an unexpected sensation. It was as if his action was a remedy, a healing touch that started to mend the shattered pieces within you, making you feel whole once more.

And the next morning, the second you woke up, a radiant smile graced your face brighter than the morning sun at the realization. You turned towards your mate, excitement twinkling in your eyes, and exclaimed, "My wolf's back."

#beomgyu #beomgyu scenarios #beomgyu x reader #beomgyu au #choi beomgyu #tomorrow x together #txt scenarios #txt smut #txt angst #beomgyu smut #txt x reader

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buggyjuggie · 9 months

Note

Hi Hi! I recently found your blog and really liked your work.

I was wondering if I could request some HCs about a masc reader who stays up late and wakes up super early (ex. Staying up till 12am but waking up at 3) but somehow is usually very energetic and hyper?

The character(s) are up to you, if thats okay? I read through the rules and everything and I think this is okay, but feel free to ignore if I messed up anything! 🫶

──★ ˙ ̟Mk1 characters x Masc reader who wakes up early and goes to bed late

「 ✦ Johnny Cage ✦ 」

* Come on you know he definitely does the same thing.

* Doesn’t understand how your so energetic. If he wants to be anywhere near your energy level he NEEDS a crap ton of coffee.

* Easiest way he gets the both of you to sleep is by having a movie marathon or having a gym date and exhausting yourself’s.

* He always ends up going to bed/passing out first so you end up following him, even if Johnny can’t talk you still enjoy cuddling and being next to him.

* You end up picking him up from shoots and sets after long days, because your the only person he trusts that would still be awake at these hours.

* After a long day that was supposed to be about the both of you hanging out he ended up eating sugary snacks to stay awake and had the biggest sugar crash ever.

「 ✦ Liu Kang ✦ 」

* When he learned of your habit was really worried for you, despite the fact that he has spent eons alone Liu Kang still remembers when ordinary people should go to sleep.

* Always tries to somehow convince with his words of wisdom for you to go to sleep earlier (it almost never works but its worth a try)

* I think that a god like him doesn’t need sleep but one of the ways he gets you to sleep earlier is by cuddles. He’ll hug and use his natural body heat to lull you to sleep.

* Both of you are opposites of each other but manage to make it work he takes time to do exciting and adrenaline pumping activities and you enjoy spending time with him drinking tea, meditating and talking about anything that you can.

* Anytime he sees you being hyperactive it always puts a smile on his face, just is stuck in trance watching you and being happy that he gets to have this.

「 ✦ Li mei ✦ 」

* HOW?? JUST HOW??? she always asks herself.

* Being Sun Do’s first constable requires a strict schedule, despite the fact that she likes doing her job waking up early is not one of them.

* When she wakes up early Li mei tends to be grumpy and down she absolutely can’t understand how you getting so little sleep are in a good and cheery mood.

* She makes paper lanterns that help both of you fall asleep, they smell like lavender.

* If Li mei’s having a hard day she appreciates your energetic personality, it puts her in a good mood and help’s to keep her spirits high when struggling with Outworld’s conflicts.

* Let’s you take care of her spirit lion since both of you are very energetic and it has grown attached to you.

「 ✦ Mileena ✦ 」

* Thinks that you just have a hard time sleeping.

* Because of the way her base outfit is designed i think Mileena owns a lot of fuzzy and warm sweaters. She gives then to you as a hope that it’ll help you sleep better.

* Tries to do literally everything to get you to go bed earlier royal massages, big fancy beds with fluffy pillows, essential oils and whatnots.

* Is surprised that after all that your still full of energy, starts to think that it might be magic or a spell.

* You offered to do some of the more tedious jobs or her’s so that she can enjoy her time as empress, Milleena didnt like the idea of making you do her work but you still insisted by saying that if you let her, both of you will have more time to spend together and she caved.

* You sleep a lot in Mileenas room because she has a lot of flowers that help her fall asleep more calmly and keep her tarkat affliction from coming out. The flowers help you because they remind you of Mileena the happy memories and moments spent with her make for the most adorable dreams and even date ideas.

「 ✦ Havik ✦ 」

* An agent of chaos hell bent of causing mischief any where possible and a little to no sleep human who somehow is extremely energised to a concerning extent. I think thats a math made in heaven.

* Like Liu kang i don’t really think Havik needs to sleep yes he does get tired but doesn’t have adherent need for it.

* Thought at first that you were also from chaosrealm due to your high energy and hyperactivity.

* Noticed your how your sleeping was inconsistent but because he has never dated a human before he doesn’t do much about it, think’s that this is just how humans are.

* Still offers to let you rest or even rest with him if he sees that your starting to get tired or are gonna crash.

* Both of you are the most chaotic couple in world and he loves it.

─── ⋆⋅☆⋅⋆ ──

Once again I’m so sorry this took so long to get out. I really really enjoyed writing this one especially because i got to write for any character i wanted so that helped me thing outside the box. I didn’t really have any specific way of integrating masculine terms or action i just mainly tried not to baby the reader.

Hope you enjoyed reading :3

#mk1 #johnny cage #liu kang #mileena #li mei #havik #johnny cage x reader #liu kang x reader #mileena x reader #li mei x reader #havik x reader #mortal kombat 1 x reader #mortal kombat x gn reader #mortal kombat #mortal kombat 1 #you can honestly imagine the reader being anything either everyone is gay or straight #:3 #gn reader

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elicathebunny · 1 year

Text

I LEARNT TO SHUT MY MOUTH AND YOU SHOULD TO.

STOP SPEAKING ON/TO:

UNLIKEMINDED PEOPLE - Stupid people are a waste of your time. Not only do they not listen nor care about what you have to say. But they find pleasure in prodding you in hopes of a reaction or just have a strong opposite opinion to you. No matter what you say will change their minds on what they have to say, so don't bother and keep your peace.

TOXIC PEOPLE -Honestly just understand that toxic popular people or toxic people in general are not even worth a fight. Even if its online like just block them, you don't need to prove yourself to nobody that you a tougher then anybody else. Keep your spirit and if it gets disrupted just block that person, so what if they have a laugh about it. You really going to let someone disrespect you on your own phone? It's not being scared it's called keeping peace. Ignore these people in real life, even if they say things that would make your blood boil. Your opinions doesn't need to be heard by everyone if it means avoiding unnecessary conflict.

TOXIC PARENTS - if you live in their house just agree and stay quiet. Arguing makes the house hold filled with anxiety and fear. Do everything in your power to show that you are a good child. Don't argue, arguing is pointless and they will always win no matter what. They will see everything as talking back and will never hear you out, don't bother. Make sure to establish out of home relationships and people you can lean back on. It's difficult but this is the only solution until you can finally move out.

DREAMS AND GOALS - People are not ready to hear about others and what they wish for in life. They can't imagine themselves beung successful so they won't imagine you in that position. They will be quick to deny you of your dreams and make fun of it. The more people you tell, the more opinions you will hear which will mess with your head, don't do it. Work on your goals in private and until you have done that thing then it's your choice to let the find out or to reveal it yourself. Never let people know your next move, don't let them know how hard you've worked/ are working and when asked about your aspirations tell them something mediocre. Let them think that you dream small until you prove yourself worthy of something bigger. (Exceptions to this are VERY close friends or family. One or Two is enough because ik it's difficult to shut up sometimes).

DONT GET MAD, GET PAID.

Learning when energy is needed and when its not is important.

It's helps:

- avoiding saying the wrong things

-avoid lashing out at people

-avoid conflict despite your opinions on the situation

-keep personal things private!

- Gives you time to think b4 speaking, speak with intention not by strong feelings

youtube

#self worth #self improvement #self growth #Youtube #manifestelle

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anneapocalypse · 2 years

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Why I Love the Hinterlands

The Hinterlands in Dragon Age: Inquisition get kind of a bad rap, and for kind of understandable reasons. For anybody who doesn't know the story, some context. The Hinterlands are the first open world area that unlocks for the player, a vast and highly explorable map full of quests, worldbuilding, and NPCs. So what was the problem? The problem was that the Dragon Age series had set two games' worth of precedent that the player could get locked out of an area and lose access to sidequests and other content—and the devs seemed not to fully realize they were fighting this precedent, or how strong it was, until the game came out and completionist players were getting exhausted and annoyed running around this huge map trying frantically to knock out all the side content before moving on. We still make jokes about devs on twitter trying to tell players that they could leave the Hinterlands. Lines were later patched in for the starting companions urging the player to go to Val Royeaux and advance the plot; you'll hear those lines if you play the game today, but they weren't there in the beginning.

The game's executive producer Mark Darrah has even spoken about this problem in his Dragon Age: Inquisition Memories and Lessons video on YouTube. From a game design perspective I do not dispute this issue. It definitely represents an oversight in the way the area is presented to players and the context they are given for what they should do next.

All that said… I love the Hinterlands, and with every replay (I have beaten the game four times at this point) my appreciation for this area and what it brings to the story has deepened. And as recent polls have raised discussion about the merits of various maps, I've felt moved to rise to their defense, so... here's why I think the Hinterlands are Good Actually.

Every map in Inquisition has its own overarching story, introduced by Scout Harding when the map unlocks and revealing itself through exploration and completing the quests within. Crestwood has the story of the flood during the Blight. The Exalted Plains have the story of the Orlesian Civil War. The Hissing Wastes have the story of Fairel and the surface thaig. And so forth. For this reason, I've come to feel that once you've progressed far enough in the main quest to have collected most or all of your companions, the most rewarding way to experience each area is at one go, as much as possible. Popping in and out of maps to complete one quest at time is, in my opinion, really detrimental to exploration and makes it harder to see the big picture. This is also one place where I really appreciate the invisible approval meter, because it discourages me from always stacking my party to game approval, the way I pretty much always play DA2.

At first glance, the story of the Hinterlands is the story of the ongoing war between the rebel mages and the renegade templars. This is one reason the Inquisitor may go there: to make contact with the rebel mages. They have been offered refuge in Redcliffe and are presently entrenched in the castle and adjoining village; the templars continue to attack the mages' position, and thus there is concentrated fighting in this region. Splinter factions of both mages and templars are also entrenched elsewhere in the area.

But this is just the setup. What the Hinterlands is about, its real story, is the common people.

The Inquisitor is first sent to the Hinterlands to make contact with Mother Giselle, in hopes of gaining some Chantry support. Seeking her out requires the Inquisitor to fight their way through the conflict to reach the Crossroads, where many refugees have gathered.

In these big, sweeping stories about heroes and villains, I think it's easy for the perspectives of common people to get kind of lost. One thing I do appreciate about the Dragon Age series is that every game does make a real effort to give voice to the commoner perspective. Origins has its city elf and casteless dwarf origin stories, and the player encounters many commoners throughout the game and gets to hear a bit of their perspective. Dragon Age 2 wouldn't be Dragon Age 2 without Darktown and Lowtown and the elven alienage and our interactions with the people who inhabit those parts of the city. Oddly enough, though, every human character we've ever had the chance to play in Dragon Age has come from a noble family; sure, Hawke starts out living as a commoner, but doesn't stay that way for long.

In Inquisition especially, we don't have the option of a commoner prologue to really drive home that perspective and carry it through the story. And while a Dalish elf, a Carta dwarf, a qunari mercenary, and a Circle mage certainly live very different lives than a human noble, they also live very different lives than Giles the farmer—not necessarily more privileged, but still different, with differing priorities and different stakes in this conflict. Bron the farmhand has no reason to be at the Conclave; he's here mucking out stalls, knowing the horses still need to be fed even if there is a rift spewing demons over there in the middle of the neighbor's pasture. Elaina the farmer is putting away cabbages for winter and hoping the barn doesn't get burned down by a stray fireball. And Elaina is one of the fortunate ones: her family's home and livelihood are still intact, for now. The Crossroads now hold many ordinary people who through no fault of their own have lost their homes, their crops, even family members.

Theirs is the perspective we get in the Hinterlands.

You don't have to stick around for all that. You can take Mother Giselle’s advice immediately, go to Val Royeaux, go deal with bigger and more important things and people. You will need 4 Power to go to Val Royeaux, but Power is easy to come by. Close a few rifts, and you’re good to go. You don’t have to care about these refugees and their problems.

But you know, something I notice is that the founders of the Inquisition spend a whole lot of breath talking about "the people." How they have to restore order for the people. How the people are looking to us—to you, Your Worship. The people need you. The people need to believe in you. That’s why we’re raising an army and building a cult around you! For the people.

Well, here are the people.

And if you talk to the people at the Crossroads, it turns out that what they actually need is less faith in Andraste’s chosen, and more blankets for the cold nights, medicine for the sick and injured, and food so they don’t starve. They need the war ended and the Breach closed so that they can return to what’s left of their homes and salvage what crops and livestock they can.

It is easy to feel a bit smothered by the Inquisition’s overwhelming Andrastian-ness, especially when playing a character who has their own religious beliefs, or none at all. We have a lot of characters trying to tell us about the importance of faith—their faith, specifically. We’re told that the people need to believe, and that’s why we have to play the role of this figurehead. And you can run with that idea and play it straight, if you want to. But there is, in fact, a different story to be found here, if you want to look for it—a story told in the world itself and the people who who inhabit it: people cannot eat faith.

And Mother Giselle, the person we are sent to the Hinterlands to find, knows this. She is certainly a devout Andrastian and deeply influenced by a life in the Chantry—but she also chooses to be on the ground helping people in need rather than arguing with her fellow clerics in Val Royeaux. After the attack on Haven, Mother Giselle and the Inquisitor have a conversation about faith, in which the Inquisitor points out, in one way or another, that faith may not be enough. Giselle may seem to disagree. Yet it is she who then leads the survivors in a song that does not mention the Maker or Andraste even once. The much-maligned “The Dawn Will Come” is so frequently assumed to be a Chantry hymn because it is Mother Giselle who starts it; even the fan wiki lists it as such. But I hear something much more akin to a folk song, a marching tune—not a high holy chorus for a cathedral choir, but a song with a simple tune and repetitive lyrics, about hope in dark times.

Perhaps she was rather more persuaded than she appeared.

When you ask your ambassador Josephine, “What do the people make of us?” she tells you how many noble allies you’ve gathered. And that’s not unimportant; this boots on the ground shit costs money, and most of that is coming out of noble coffers. But when you ask Mother Giselle, “How are the people?” she speaks of the terror and suffering of the people in the Hinterlands, and warns of mass starvation if the farmers cannot return to their fields.

This is the story of the Hinterlands.

And the density of side quests on this map reflects that. In addition to aiding the refugees with food, blankets, and medicine, there are so many more opportunities to help people in small but meaningful ways. An elven widower who cannot reach his wife’s grave through the fighting asks the Inquisitor to bring flowers there as is his custom. A grieving widow asks for the retrieval of her husband’s wedding ring from the templars who murdered him. A beloved ram has gone missing. A mage mourns her templar lover and the war that has come between them. A note speaks of two brothers, templar and apostate, torn apart by the war. A son has gone off to join the cult in the hills (no, not our cult in the hills, another one), and his mother needs the special remedy for her breathing problems that only he knows how to make. And so many more. Even the Winterwatch cult itself asks us to consider what it is the people truly need: the Inquisitor can enlist them as Inquisition agents, or ask them to aid the refugees.

Are all these sidequests vital to the plot? No. You can skip them if you want to. Are they relevant to the plot? Absolutely. Are they meaningful? To me, yes. Maybe they didn't change the whole world, but they changed something for these people.

It is so important to me that we get to actually meet the common people whose lives are depending on us. Whatever you think of the Inquisition itself, people actually are dying because of both the rifts and the war, and many more will die if these problems aren’t resolved. Meeting them, giving them names and faces and side quests dealing with their more mundane needs is so much more meaningful to me than standing around back at base being told “People are starving in the Hinterlands.”

It's understandable that the Hinterlands had to fight the precedent set by Lothering getting locked off, because in many ways the Hinterlands serves the same narrative purpose as Lothering: showing the effects of the present crisis on the common people and what's at stake for them.

I should note that the Hinterlands are not the only part of the game that addresses the impact on common people—far from it, in fact. The Exalted Plains give us a taste of how many have died for the Gaspard's attempted coup; Emprise du Lion shows us commoners kidnapped and tortured by Red Templars; the Winter Palace puts the bloody reality of the "Grand Game" in stark contrast to its gilded veneer with the indiscriminate murder of servants for expediency.

But it’s important that we are introduced to the suffering of the common people early in the game, when the Herald—not yet the Inquisitor—may still feel pretty shaky on their motivations for even sticking around.

While I've mostly been talking about non-mage commoners here, I do want to say a few words about the rebel mages as well, since they too are a part of the story of the Hinterlands. I hope that no one reading thinks I am blaming the rebel mages as a whole for what's happening in the Hinterlands, for what the common people here have suffered. The templars, notably, are not entrenched in the Hinterlands. Their present stronghold is Therinfal Redoubt, an old Seeker fortress, which is a significant distance from Redcliffe. The fact that the bulk of the fighting is taking place near Redcliffe, while we've no evidence of a mage offensive against Therinfal, makes it pretty clear that it is the templars who are pursuing the mages at this point, not the other way around. Certainly some in the region may not bother to make that distinction while their crops are on fire, but let's be clear about the story the map is telling us: it is the mages who are under attack here, not the templars. It is sometimes said that Inquisition deliberately draws a false equivalence between the mages and templars in this war. I would like to point to this piece of environmental storytelling as evidence that that is not entirely true.

Sometimes, it seems like pointing out that collateral damage happens is read as condemning an oppressed people for defending themselves. I want to make it clear that this is not what I am saying. I simply feel that those characters who have lost homes and livelihoods in this conflict are also worth seeing, and talking about. But I also don’t think it’s an accident that this is the map whose story is all about the suffering of ordinary people, and it is also the rebel mages who have their base on this map; the templars do not.

So, that’s why I think the Hinterlands are Good Actually! They contain an absolute wealth of worldbuilding, and their story frames the game’s central conflicts around the people suffering for them, early in the game when that perspective is most needed.

#the hinterlands #dragon age inquisition #dragon age #dragon age meta #blunders of thedas

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alchemie-tarot · 1 year

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How To Walk Your Talk

Hello! It’s been a while. I felt like this slightly ambitious (for me) pick-a-card topic needed a ton of energy and discernment to execute, and so I really took my time with it. I intended it for Aries season but, oh well... Look, another fire season Leo is just around the corner!

Take a breath. Feel free to choose the pile/s that call out to you. Some details may not make the mark and that’s natural, since this is a general reading. Please don’t take it too seriously as well. Nothing is set in stone. My objective has always been to channel messages that may help its readers in any way.

Yes, these are more sunset pictures from my sunset photography cache.

Pile 1

Cards: 5 of Swords, Queen of Cups, Death, 8 of Wands, Page of Cups, 10 of Wands, 7 of Pentacles

Your Talk is about overcoming conflict with other people. You’re proud of being able to defend yourself at all costs, from those who “attack” you and don’t believe in you, in particular. When you do, there’s a winner takes all kind of feeling. Proving yourself against any kind of criticism is a win. You definitely are not one to hold back and, if worse comes to worst, you can cut deep if you feel like you need to.

You think that this is the way to prioritize yourself. The way to show yourself love. It doesn’t seem to matter to you if you end up not having a lot of intimate ties because of this. You believe that the worst betrayal is the betrayal of your own self.

I think this Talk of yours usually comes out when it has all been said and done. Something about you making sure you have the last word. You may wait to strike when the other party has their guard down. You may also want your Talk to have a potent and instantaneous effect on its listener. You tend to make sure there’s no room for them to say more, to potentially dismiss or disprove you. You’ll cut the conversation if you have to.

What you may not realize is that this hurts your objective either way. Yes, you’re an advocate of yourself, but this behavior makes them see you as a “child” who doesn’t really seem to know what they’re saying and thinks little of consequences.

Under this bravado of yours, I sense an expectation to be understood. It may be that a part of you hopes that someone with an x-ray vision meets you with empathy, instead of the dismissal or outright opposition you know so well. Sometimes, other people’s emotions simply do not run as deeply and strongly as yours. What matters to you may be something they don’t personally read too much meaning into.

Pile 1, your Talk seems to be taking a toll on you more than you would like to admit. This kind of vigilance is a lonely burden to carry. Do not get me wrong, though, it has paid off somehow when you learned to protect yourself. You’re impenetrable, but at what cost? You leave out the potential good that can touch you in significant ways.

Spirit urges you to put the sword down for a bit and look around you. You can’t make the most out of your life by always being on the defense. To truly Walk your Talk, you need to uncover the root cause of all this defensiveness. Do you think that being alone is worth turning away the compassion that you can receive? Is that what you really want? Continuing down this path will only push that possibility further away.

Try to look over everything that you have gone through so far, but with curiosity to understand rather than a restless need to justify. I hear a suggestion, to redefine your boundaries. Take a rest, too, Pile 1, I believe you really need it. It will all pay off either way, but there is room for grace that may benefit you more than you could imagine.

Pile 2

Cards: 7 of Cups, 10 of Wands, 2 of Wands, The Hanged Man, 8 of Wands, The Emperor, Death

You think that daydreams get in the way of real life. Fantasy is a way to escape responsibilities and that it ultimately ends up being a burden since it’s technically not really a “way to live.” You think having too many choices is more inconvenient than it is exciting. Most of them are simply distractions, temptations to veer off course.

You may be a really pragmatic person for the most part. For some, though, I see that you are not necessarily repulsed by the rose-tinted perspective, but that this kind of ambition is too much work to actualize. It’s something that would force you to choose between what is necessary and what is ideal. Grounded, longer term goals are more important to you, anyway. Not letting yourself get carried away is an act of bravery to face reality.

I sense that you’re surrounded by people who don’t really agree with your way of thinking. Perhaps a lot of the people around you have quite lofty dreams and, maybe at times, have too much faith in their abilities. You may think that they could learn a thing or two about staying in one’s lane. On the other side of that, they may think that you’re self-righteous and quick to judge. They see you as a person of action and laser focus in your own right, but your Talk about achieving such goals suffers because, well…some goals are idealistic and unlikely by nature. That’s what makes them goals!

As far as it goes, you seem to be really Walking your Talk. To a tee, in fact. A little too firmly, perhaps, to the point where you may be getting complacent.

Something you should know about this Emperor's energy that you have is that, no matter how strictly the Emperor follows a certain system, he would still strive for something beyond him. Why would he need to stick to the current reality if it could be changed and improved? With his power and position, why not seek what would commonly be thought of as “impossible”? What is good, and for good, is always worth a try.

There can be more than logic to make the most out of the goals we form– a touch of compassion on yourself and your circumstances can truly transform those goals into more than ticks off a to-do list, you know? Instead of resisting changes in plans, welcome them as a potential channel for breakthroughs. Even if they entail a little imagination from your part to materialize. Nothing wrong with letting yourself dream a little, Pile 2.

Pile 3

Cards: The Hermit, King of Cups, 8 of Cups, The Star, Justice, The Sun, The Empress

You keep this Talk mostly to yourself. You’re in quite a period of serious introspection, Pile 3. Gathering strength and gaining inner wisdom. You want to master yourself: your inner workings, your emotions, your psyche, the subconscious– and you believe that this is the way. You’re trying to find balance by going within and spending time with yourself.

You carry out this Talk in the times you walk away from things you determine no longer serve you. Things you don’t see developing positively or going anywhere. Leaving behind those spilled and empty cups. For now you have been withdrawing a lot on an intentional and well-meant level. To be honest, the Talk here is Not Talking, and so it manifests that way… through silence. Focusing on what you would like to move ahead towards.

You want people to see this as what it is: your way of healing. You want to be seen as someone taking their time at the moment. There’s a factor of distance, the not wanting to be disturbed by outside energy. Minimizing your availability. This is all about you right now. There is also something about finding yourself that you may have lost connection with at an earlier point. You want to achieve that peace and somehow let that energy seep through and act as its own protective barrier.

And you know what? The people around you believe that you are undergoing what you rightfully need. They see and understand what you’re trying to do. You have their support, and many are even cheering you on from afar. This is such a positive message, Pile 3! They believe it’s a victory in itself to see you in the process of bouncing back. The way you are holding everyone, including yourself, accountable for the things that should be so. They think that events are finally turning in your favor.

Getting The Sun for asking how your Walk looks right now is really one of the best things I have seen for this pick-a-card. It is so lovely to see that this is making you happy. I am happy for you, too! If you’re not quite there yet, trust that you will be. You will find that light you’ve been seeking in the dark depths of yourself that you bravely traversed. I’m telling you, what a shining light it is that you will find. You’re genuinely finding your way back to your inner child. Keep going and they will have more blessings to give you.

If you are feeling up for it, Spirit offers that you can take it up a notch by exploring more ways to nurture your soul. I see letting your imagination expand, creating things with your hands, pampering your body. Whatever has happened, Pile 3, know that it’s not too big for you to overcome. Your Walk is such a profound journey to a revival… You’re very close to experiencing the fruits of your labor. Sending you my warmth, Pile 3!

Pile 4

Cards: Death, Ace of Swords, 8 of Pentacles, 6 of Wands Rx, 5 of Cups, The Hanged Man, The Star

Change starts in your head. Change starts from within. Your Talk is giving me coach or counselor vibes, mostly of the spiritual kind. You may have gone through a major life event at some point in your life, however it applies to you. This may have pushed you then to speak about these major, life-changing events. You think that they are opportunities to grow. Signs to cultivate a new mindset. The best way to ride with it is to be sharp and alert, and to fight with all your might.

You seem to be quite methodical and stubborn about it. I hear you could have catchphrases of some sort, along the lines of “everything happens for a reason,” or that “you can get through anything if you just tried and worked hard enough.” Like I said, you may have experienced such events in your life already and it seems like you’ve seen enough to point out certain patterns. You developed a sense of anticipating how long something may last, where it is likely to lead, what’s next, etcetera.

You want others to see how humbled you are because of these experiences. You want to gain their support, partly because you feel that it solidifies the validation of your Talk. Here’s the thing, though: the insistence of your experiences have been rubbing some people off the wrong way. You’ve been taking your narrative to an unclear length. It’s not your bravery and openness that they have reservations about, but the fact that it’s starting to sound like a broken record. At the end of your anecdotes, what message does it all lead to? Some are getting the impression that you’re stuck in some way with that period in your life instead of presenting solutions or forward steps to move on from it.

I think you see yourself as a champion for these life-changing experiences, to the point where your way of expressing or living out the empowerment you preach seems like an effect of the hold it still has on you. Deep down, you may feel some level of uncertainty to step out from its familiarity. Where were you supposed to go next? Maybe a part of you is also wondering, is this all I'm ever gonna be talking about and be known for?

I can’t help but notice the comparison of the cards Death and The Star: Death, clad in armor, and The Star, shining in their nakedness. Spirit urges you to take off that armor. You don’t have to justify yourself anymore. It won’t always be a battle. Yes, what happened has happened, and it has affected you deeply. It helped you be stronger as a person, but you have to realize that you’re still wielding it in a way. You can’t truly move on even if you simply turned the weapon around– you’re still holding it. There comes a point where you have to take it out of your hands.

Your Talk will become more potent and natural that way. You will find a calm about yourself and this Walk will draw you the support that you need and deserve.

Pile 5

Cards: Ace of Cups, Justice, The Fool, Judgment, 7 of Wands, Knight of Pentacles, The Devil

All is fair in love and war is the first thing I heard. This is seriously your Talk. You’re a go-getter, especially the emotional, creative, watery kind. Not just a go-getter, but a kind of rule-breaker, too. You focus your sights far, far ahead. I’m seeing that you don’t really read too much or think too deeply into most things. When something catches your attention, you just take it and make a run for it, I’m hearing. What an interesting Talk.

You want people to realize how awakened you feel and how liberating it feels in general to be in that mindset. You want people to see how many paths and options it opens up for them. To you, even though it sounds contrary, it actually narrows down and leads to what you really want– and then absolutely taking it at all costs. You see this as a road to inner wisdom and taking responsibility for one's own life. You think this is a primal kind of behavior and it’s only natural to give in to it as humans.

However, people mostly just see that you’re setting yourself up to be in a constant, if not lifelong, struggle. They think you’re too high up in your worldview and that you could be taken down a notch. Even if they won’t necessarily call you out or actively try to humble you, they believe there will always be something or someone to challenge you, and that it’s not really a worthwhile thing to keep up forever.

As far as it’s going right now, your Talk is coming to be your Walk, quite naturally. As chaotic as this mindset is perceived, there is a diligent and grounded way that you’re implementing it. You really believe in its value and it shows in your actions. Not much can shake you about it, I see.

In order to achieve your wants and goals in the best way, Spirit urges you to take some time to look at your shadow. Try to take a look if you’re acting out fully aligned with those goals, or are you simply carried away from the addictive feeling it brings? There’s a benefit to taking everything with a sense of moderation, no matter how you choose to live your life. Is there something deep-seated that you ought to acknowledge, that instead of giving you that “freedom” it could actually be a kind of blockage? Do you really believe that these are the rules of the world or did you impose them on yourself? Reevaluate what freedom is to you.

Pile 6

Cards: Queen of Pentacles, 8 of Wands, 3 of Swords, Knight of Swords, Queen of Swords, Page of Swords, Knight of Cups

You believe that financial stability and reaching certainty in physical comfort are easy come, easy go. One should always be maximizing their time to be productive. Opportunities shouldn’t be wasted and the only things worth aligning with are those that lead to this state of living. Anybody you encounter is a potential for your network. There is no time for sitting back. You should always be ready. Go past or eradicate anything and everything standing in your way.

While your Talk is one that is supposed to be motivating by nature, the way you deliver it seems imbued with an element of fear. “Do this or leave yourself vulnerable. Hardships eventually catch up, so you better keep on moving.” I think you may be one to say that no matter how secure one is, one shouldn’t be chilling out too much. It can easily be lost in a blink of an eye.

You want to be seen as someone who means well and is only doing everything they do to help. You want to be seen as an embodiment of your Talk: always on the move and, for some reason I heard, looks cool while doing it. Willing to do whatever it takes.

Others see that your Talk is clouding quite a bit of your actual vision of it. They do see that you do not give up easily. Your directness is admirable, if not a little bound to the notion of having to always be on the next thing after finishing the previous. You look so far ahead you’re practically living in the future than the present. You’re also hardly paying full attention to the things you currently have, born from all the hard work you’ve put in.

Well, you seem to be using a lot of your words at the moment, I hear. Talking and talking. To people with like-minded goals, and to yourself? I'm getting that it’s because you feel quite flighty at the moment. Are you okay? When was the last time you took a breath? There’s a bit of anxious, running-on-fumes energy. You seem to be highly inspired, though. Bursting with ideas, in fact. For now, these plans mostly stay as plans.

Like all things, balance helps with feeling stable within yourself. Spirit urges you to get in touch with your emotions at the moment. Access what’s behind that flighty energy. You have the goals, the plans, and the direction. What you lack right now is a sense of being grounded enough not to run yourself ragged. Intuition plays a big role in this– yours wants to tell you something. It also won’t hurt to learn how to handle things, especially yourself, with more grace and compassion. Appreciate your ideas as themselves and not just a means to go somewhere else. It’s okay to not think about the goods right now. Think about what genuinely fills your cup.

Thank you for interacting with this post of mine. Always take care of yourself. 💜✨

#pick a card #pick a pile #general reading #pac #tarot #tarot reading #pick a card reading #pac reading #tarotblr #divination #tarot community #how to walk your talk #tarot message #guidance

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maliaelise6 · 6 days

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Ikepri Disney songs

Okay so I like finding songs of one artist or genre and finding one to dedicate to each ikepri character but I keep struggling trying to come up with ikepri characters connecting to (specifically) Disney love songs. I'm cool with leaving the love songs area but here's what I have so far if anyone wants to suggest songs or changes I'd love to hear it :3

Spoilers obv

Jin: Strangers like me from Tarzan - because I think the theme of him learning how to love and actually accept himself is kinda connected to the song. Also I just love him sm

Chevalier: Evermore from Beauty and The Beast (liveaction) as much as I hate live action, this is so good. It screams Chev. He knows Emma is always gonna come back and he doesn't know why but it makes him happy 🥺

Clavis: I won't say I'm in love from Hercules. Is it my favorite song? Yes. Is he my favorite character? Yes. But its so 'Emma being totally in love without realizing it and feeling horribly conflicted about her feelings because of her duty' coded. This is her song to him 1000%

Leon: a whole new world from Aladin. Man. Play the first chapter of his story if you don't already see it lmao. Mr. "Take my hand and I'll show you a whole new world/life" sounding ass

Yves: kiss the girl from the little mermaid. Just the sweetest boy, man. Licht, Jin, Leon, and Rio are DESPERATELY trying to make him make the first move.

Licht: Thats How You Know from Enchanted. Idrk enchanted very well and I don't know licht very well but ¯\_(ツ)_/¯ just silly Yves and nokto trying to get him to make a move

Nokto: a girl worth fighting for from mulan. This is where the "not a love song" problem comes in. I do think that if you take away the actual context you can make a connection between the beginning when all the guys are talking about what they want, that's just him messing with other women, but when things get serious its him realizing he doesn't actually want any of them, and that he has feelings he doesn't truly understand for Emma. Kinda a reach but I've never been one for accuracies in things like this lmao.

Luke: I see the light from tangled. Omg. "All those days, chasing down a daydream. All those years living in a blur. All that time, never truly seeing things the way they were." HIM REALIZING THAT HE SPENT HIS WHOLE LIFE WITH NOTHING BUT REVENGE AND HATRED AND AHHH. HIM CHANGING FOR EMMA. HIS WHOLE LIFE HAS TO CHANGE AND ITS SCARY BUT FOR THE BEST

Rio: so this is love from Cinderella? I really don't know for him tbh

Sariel: ma belle Evangeline from the princess and the frog. Idk it has old lovers vibes and thats what Sariel gives. Maybe it'd fit better for Rio? Idk I'm iffy on this one

Silvio: colors of the wind from pocahontas. Not exactly love but it fits well. Teaching him that value isn't purely monetary.

Keith: another one I really don't know. I love him sm but I really got nothing man. Please recommend something 🙏

Gilbert: once upon a dream from sleeping beauty. HE WANTS HER TO KNOW HIM. HES BEEN DREAMING OF MEETING HER FOR SO LONG. SUCH A 'we might not know each other now but I knew you once in a place so far back in my mind that it escapes me.'

Please give me ideas for Sariel, Keith, and Rio 😭😭

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bladekindeyewear · 1 month

Text

HS^2 bloggin’ mainline 2024-08-15 continued #2

(Previous post - current page 631)

I should keep it at three liveblog posts at most per day for pacing purposes, so however long this post ends up being (which could still be pretty long, image limit forgiving!), this'll be where I stop it for the day whatever happens so I don't push my mental energy reserves too hard. Now let's see exactly what the fuck Jane was referring to here.

(==>)

JANE: I'm referring to his death. DIRK: (Oh, what the fuck.) JANE: Not saying it's all your fault. DIRK: (Wow.)

Oh that's all SORTS of messed up for her to think.

JANE: Dirk just never *got* you. JANE: He thought he could figure you out, make all the right moves, and you'd be happy. JANE: But people have to want themselves to be happy. JANE: And the only thing you've ever consistently wanted was to be absolved. JANE: I understand that now.

She's not ENTIRELY wrong about Jake's insecurities here, but there were people constantly KNOCKING HIM DOWN by BLAMING HIM FOR THINGS that he then helplessly thought DESERVED his absolution when they were NEVER HIS FAULT, and this couldn't be a more obvious example. Which Jake might fucking recognize and snap the fuck at.

JAKE: ... And? JANE: And I accept you, Jake! JANE: That's why I have confidence our union will endure forever. JANE: You release me of all my doubts. And I can't be disappointed by you. JAKE: Huh... DIRK: (Hm.)

I think Jake isn't coming around to Jane here, really, but actually coming around to HOW FUCKED UP she is, and more importantly, HOW SHE FUCKED HIM UP. The idea that Jane Crocker, never once, actually BELIEVED in him other than believing that he would be OBLIGATED to come back to her, even if she wasn't offering really anything in return in their relationship. He finally got it through his thick head that she was always taking him for granted, isn't he? That even her deepest, most "caring" feelings left for him are pity for someone she's viewed for the longest time as incorrigibly pathetic and not useful for anything except coming back to her?

JANE: I... JANE: Oh, fucking... pixie sticks. JANE: I have to leave for the bridge. JANE: The enemy is moving into position as we speak. JAKE: Do you... JAKE: Do you still need that water tested? JANE: Haha, no. JANE: I drank it all in my hysterics without even noticing. JAKE: And youre okay? JANE: Completely fine! It really was just... water. JAKE: I had hoped! JANE: Hoo hoo, thank you. :B JANE: ...

I don't know if Jake is really feeling sympathy or negative revelation about her, here... or possibly a combination of the two.

JANE: Listen, Jake. JANE: I won't be able to really talk for some time once this whole final battle shebang kicks off, but I need you to know. JANE: I am sorry. JANE: For a lot of things. JANE: I promise. JANE: I just need you to believe in me a little while longer. JAKE: Of course janey... of course. JAKE: I... love you. JANE: I know, J. JANE: I know.

No... you finally proved to him that you're not WORTH BELIEVING IN.

That's what I think he's about to discuss with himself (and BGD).

(Jake: Calmly assess the situation.)

PFFFFF OMG AFTER THAT LINK TITLE XD

JAKE: Fuck!!! JAKE: Why did she have to go and build a moon laser!!! JAKE: Why did she have to go and JAKE: And SAY all that!!!

Hearing her open up with heartfelt feelings, towards HIM, for the first time in what feels like forever, likely has him so conflicted now even though he KNOWS what has to happen.

DIRK: It's not over. DIRK: That moon laser doesn't mean shit. JAKE: ...if theres no one to press the button? DIRK: Boom. DIRK: Or, you know. DIRK: No boom. JAKE: Her guard is down... DIRK: And you have a gun. JAKE: I have TWO guns. DIRK: Let's be real, this wouldn't even be the first time you've thought of it. JAKE: Its... an option.

He hasn't thought of going after the laser ITSELF yet, but he needs to remember he's a God-Tier Hero of Hope and that destroying a moon laser is a whole lot easier than destroying the woman he still feels something for. He'll come around in this conversation, likely.

DIRK: Or. DIRK: You help her win the battle. DIRK: Avoid baptizing the Earth with laser-fire. DIRK: And she uses The Point, and the world doesn't end. DIRK: Probably. DIRK: Who the fuck knows. JAKE: What should i do? DIRK: I'm not gonna tell you.

Even though he's talking to Dirk, he's also still in a sense only talking to himself.

JAKE: I already know youll want me to do whats heroic. JAKE: But you wouldnt want me to kill jane either. JAKE: Would you? DIRK: Stop staring at me like I'm gonna tongue-kiss the answer into you, dude. DIRK: You know what you need to do. JAKE: But jane was right about me! JAKE: I cant be trusted. JAKE: I dont even like 99% of people. DIRK: Then do it for one person. DIRK: Aren't you tired of spreading yourself thin trying to believe in everything? DIRK: Because it's looking pretty fuckin' likely that the future where Tavvy is happy and the future where Jane is alive don't coincide. DIRK: You have to kill one for the other to survive.

Now THIS is Rage talk from Dirk here. This isn't HOPE talk. Jake is going to realize that there's hope for BOTH people he cares about to survive... and all he has to do is think of flying into space and destroying a freakin' moon laser. The Page of Hope come into his role is going to be someone who can find a path of possibility that saves what they care about without Dirk's brand of brutal compromise.

JAKE: It sounds like youre gunning for her. DIRK: It sounds like *you're* gunning for her. DIRK: Say what you will about Dirk, but he always wanted you to be your best self. DIRK: He pushed you hoping if he did it hard enough, you'd push back. DIRK: That's a far cry from whatever neutered domestic purgatory Jane's offering you. DIRK: Wasn't it nice to be believed in, man? JAKE: Ugh.

Dirk was never good for him either, and didn't know the right way TO help Jake become his best self other than inflicting cuts to his soul that only delayed and decreased his capacity to believe in himself.

JAKE: Can i make an honest query? JAKE: Did i really kill him? DIRK: Hm. JAKE: I did, didnt i? DIRK: Common sense says no. JAKE: Cant you swing that one by your esoteric telepathic dirk connection? DIRK: That's a tricky fuckin' wicket, man. JAKE: Its "sticky wicket". DIRK: It's nothing, because that's a stupid fucking phrase cooked up by fake people about a fake sport from a dead planet. DIRK: Anyway, it's tricky because there's not really all that much of anything left of the big man. DIRK: Not here, anyway. JAKE: Oh, baloney! JAKE: Thats not how this works. Youre the supernatural tsaheylu of our combined "steezes". JAKE: This isnt my first ride in the rodeo, mister, I KNOW THE RHYTHM OF THIS BUCKING BRONCO. JAKE: HES STILL HERE, DAMMIT! DIRK: I'm sorry.

Given what we saw with alt!Calliope / AL splitting and reforming, it's indeed likely that he ISN'T still here, that he's practically fully consolidated himself into Ultimate Dirk aside from this leftover memory Jake is keeping just barely alive. But we also know that thanks to his narrative powers, and his immediate response in the bonus material to Yiffy's sudden existence in the (Candy) plot, that part of him is at least AWARE of that plotline and some of what's happening outside of Canon, even if he's too far away to influence it.

This is also likely about Jake accepting Dirk's death and moving on, though. Because Dirk's eliminationist "one or the other, but not both" advice and insistence on sacrifice isn't what he needs right now.

Maybe it's time for Brain Ghost Dirk to disappear?

(==>)

DIRK: He's gone, dude.

Oh damn, the eyes. It's exactly as he said: This Candy timeline's Brain Ghost Dirk was always just a part of Jake. Just the memory of his friend alive within him, him talking to himself.

Jake has to accept his friend's death to move past his brand of advice, the advice he counted on of a friend who was in ways toxic to him and couldn't lead him to true Hope.

JAKE: OH FUCK OFF. JAKE: YOU CHARLATAN. DIRK: Yeah. JAKE: HORSES ASS. DIRK: Get it all out, man. JAKE: YOU MALEVOLENT MASCULINE MALFEASANT. DIRK: I know a crisp glass of personal culpability isn't what you ordered, but hey. DIRK: It's better than relapsing.

You did pick a hell of a time to show him this, but you probably picked the right time, at least.

DIRK: It'd be the only reasonable excuse you'd have for nipping this uncomfortable epiphany in the bud so you could slink back to following orders from Dirk. JAKE: ... JAKE: Gods hooks, i backflipped right into my old ways! DIRK: Don't beat yourself up about it. It's a running theme with literally everybody we know. DIRK: You all get caught up in these feeling jams, hugging it out in self-realizational bliss. DIRK: Then, bam. DIRK: Premature ejaculation. DIRK: That passionate growth grind ends before it builds to anything actually satisfying. JAKE: :(

Jake needs to stop imagining there's someone telling him what to do anymore, and decide for himself, saying goodbye to his ghostly imaginary guide he made for himself with his powers. (Also Dirk's metaphors are always gonna Dirk, even when Jake's just imitating them.)

DIRK: You're fully dressed Jake now. DIRK: Sitting on the sticky floor of a custodial closet, hidden away from anything certain and good in this world. DIRK: Alone. JAKE: This is scary! I dont like this. DIRK: Fuck yeah it is. This is sweaty, achey, burning transformation, brother. JAKE: I want to go back! I want to be the other guy again. DIRK: You can't be the other guy anymore, Jake. DIRK: We're sending him upstate to live on a beautiful farm, where they're gonna immediately drag him out back and put him out of his fucking misery. DIRK: Remember when you told Egbert you wanted someone to hold you accountable? JAKE: No. DIRK: Well. JAKE: Nooooooo. DIRK: "Here's Johnny!" JAKE: AAAAAAAAAAAAAA!!! JAKE: Oh... JAKE: *sniff* JAKE: Oh, dirk...

Finally accepting his friend's death AND his need to act for himself instead of being told what to do isn't an easy thing to do all at once.

JAKE: Cripes, if there really is no magical component to all of this, JAKE: if youre really gone, JAKE: then i am simply a forty year old man... being led by the nose... by an imaginary friend. JAKE: That is not cute. DIRK: It's kind of cute. JAKE: No! JAKE: Its mental illness! DIRK: It can be both.

And you DO have literal godly magic powers helping you do it, if you've forgotten, Jake.

DIRK: Look. DIRK: What you need to do is stop sobbing into your own fucking arms and make a decision. DIRK: Spying for the rebellion, running away... these were steps in the right direction, but they also had, y'know. JAKE: Plausible deniability. DIRK: They were deflections. DIRK: And at the end of the day, that's what choosing Jane would be, too. JAKE: Its odd, but... JAKE: Shucks, i dont want to cut her down right before she makes this big turnaround. JAKE: If shed decided to keep her promise... JAKE: thatd be bitter fucking berries to live with. DIRK: But? JAKE: But she probably wont change, will she? DIRK: Why in the fuck would she? DIRK: She'll have won.

But that also doesn't mean you NEED to kill her. There's a path to Hope that you haven't seen yet and that Dirk can't help you see. (Destroy the space laser destroy the space laser destroy the space laser. FIGURE IT OUT)

(==>)

JAKE: But... i dont think she was meant to be this way. Do you? DIRK: Like, was she born to be a wildly racist dictatorial cake boss? JAKE: Ok, when you put it that way it sounds a bit bonkers. JAKE: What i mean is... JAKE: Take me, for example. JAKE: I know its not my fault janey got a bit rough and tumble with our relationship. That fundamentally, i didnt deserve it. JAKE: But that doesnt exactly make me a mensch by default, does it? JAKE: In fact i worry there might be more of me thats, well... inherently bad than not. JAKE: And thats why everything tends to get so furiously fucked all the time! JAKE: Everyone is waiting around for this better version of me to pop up, but thats never going to happen. JAKE: Because if it did, it wouldn't be me anymore. DIRK: So, are you trapped being Mr. Pissy Pantyloos Loser Man no matter what? JAKE: Sort of. JAKE: What do you think? DIRK: I don't know. DIRK: Maybe? JAKE: Oh...

You have a bit too much trauma that you haven't had any opportunity to heal from to TRULY come into your FULL potential as a Page of Hope, but that doesn't mean you still don't have a lot of power and potential you're still sitting on, only trapped by yourself and your past. All you need to think of is that one key hopeful idea and have the will to use your power for something serious, right now.

DIRK: Here's what we do know: when you face our friends tomorrow, they're gonna be none-the-wiser about the insane masturbatory matrix bullet time battles you've been having with yourself in your own head. DIRK: What will be real to them is what you DID. DIRK: That's it. DIRK: Show them you're trying. DIRK: Or don't, and get left behind. JAKE: Good god... JAKE: This is the worst pep talk... ever. DIRK: It's you, dude, what did you expect? JAKE: True.

It's not all that bad a pep talk, to be honest.

DIRK: Do you want to be left behind? JAKE: No! JAKE: I want to see tavvy grow up! JAKE: I want to choose him! JAKE: But i want to believe in jane too... DIRK: Sigh. JAKE: Listen. JAKE: I never really understood all that much of the "doomed timeline" hoopla you cerebral types tend to gab on about. JAKE: But... its nice to think that there might be countless janes somewhere out there who never stopped being happy. JAKE: Baking, getting up to all manner of lighthearted mischiefs... true blue all around. JAKE: When i think of her, thats whats real to me. JAKE: What she is now, what these rotten unenviable circumstances have made of her, its all just... DIRK: Happenstance. JAKE: Is that stupid? DIRK: Probably, but you're a god of Hope. DIRK: You're a poster-child for making stupid shit feasible. DIRK: And no one has the power to say what's true for every Jane. DIRK: I'm sure if you asked a couple of them how they feel about labor camps and domestic violences, they'd hit you with a "Woah there, buster jones." JAKE: "Thats not for me!" DIRK: "No siree!" JAKE: Hehehe. JAKE: Exactly.

I'm so glad that in some of the bonus material, Jasprosesprite^2 is playing the capricious fantasy psychologist and was on the path last i left off to helping Jane realize that there was a better answer than ruling over the planet herself-- leaving the Agency of Earth C in the hands of the children they'd raised to take it over, because Earth C is something they helped make together but not something they OWN or should command, or would be the best suited to govern.

JAKE: If i can believe in those janes, JAKE: i think i can let this one go. DIRK: Extravagant hoops to stumble through just to keep believing, man. DIRK: It's sneaky. I like it.

Oh, COME ON, can't you just fly into space and kill the Moon Laser instead? It's obvious!!! Still, big move of you (and I agree that this Jane is almost certainly too far gone).

(==>)

JAKE: Its decided then? DIRK: Seems so. DIRK: You can finally leave the closet. JAKE: Har, har.

OH COME ON DON'T JUST FLASH OVER THERE I WANT TO SEE WHAT THE FUCK IS GOING ON WITH YIFFY!!!!!!!!!

Also it looks like Yiffy might NOT have been setting things on fire, and that the red flashing may just have been the battle alert they received, plus Vrissy's reaction at seeing Yiffy for the first time.

JAKE: Goofs aside, old buddy... JAKE: I get the strange sense i wont be speaking with you again. DIRK: You won't. Why would you? DIRK: You're normal now. JAKE: But- DIRK: You don't need him. JAKE: It feels good to pretend, though. JAKE: To hold on a little while longer. DIRK: Don't. JAKE: Fine! Fine... JAKE: Hope is the crummiest aspect of the lot, huh. JAKE: I swear the only time its worth a lick more than delusions and hot air JAKE: is if it really fucking hurts. DIRK: Welcome to being a person, Jake English.

Hope is incredibly important if you can find a path through that nobody else can, instead of letting the breadth of possibility paralyze you with indecision. (STOP THE MOON LASER INSTEAD OF ATTACKING JANE YOU WON'T WIN THAT WAY)

(Page of Hope: Rise up.)

What a hilariously yet perfectly understated panel for that title!

(John and Vriska: Touch down.)

JOHN: whew! JOHN: that was quite the race. VRISKA: Race? VRISKA: C'mon. VRISKA: That was 8arely a warm-up! JOHN: jeez. JOHN: i guess i'm out of shape. JOHN: i didn't even know you could BE out of shape with magical floating powers... VRISKA: Well, that's what sitting around like a depressing 8oring loser for sweeps gets you! VRISKA: You'll just have to get 8ack IN shape. JOHN: man, i guess so.

If he really turned on the Windy Thing powers he probably could have blown through them and outraced her, but he'd need to believe in himself a little harder and be a bit more confident for that, and he's not QUITE there yet-- not as far gone as Jake was though.

JOHN: hey, now that i've got you here, why did you lead us directly to the meteor? JOHN: we did both kind of mutually mention that there was a transportalizer pretty much directly to the lab in roxy's house, right? VRISKA: Sure. And? JOHN: well i just think maybe it might've been a little less risky to go that way, instead of weaving through battle ships and cross fire and all that war junk. VRISKA: Less risky, may8e, 8ut also wayyyyyyyy less fun. VRISKA: C'mon, wasn't it a pretty sweet joyride? VRISKA: It's nice to give the ol' wings a stretch! JOHN: hehe, that's true.

Being like an action movie star really DOES feel fun to John, doesn't it? Makes him feel like a useful hero.

JOHN: but i think now that we're here, we should probably get inside before someone notices us. JOHN: roxy taught me a secret knock to use in times like these, she'll reco-

Wait who's going to interrupt?

(==>)

VRISKA: *KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK* *KNOCK* VRISKA: OPEN UP!!!!!!!!

SNERK

Ah, and also they're back to being displayed like the once-children THEY viewed themselves to be, because we aren't looking up at them from one of the children's perspective.

(==>)

SOLLUX: damn dude, to0k you l0ng enough, i'm hungry as hell. SOLLUX: what'd y0u br-

SOLLUX YOU ARE BREAKING SECURITY PROTOCOL YOU ARE A HACKER YOU SHOULD KNOW BETTER YOU LAZY ASS XD

(==>)

...You can't even see her, can you? Are those glasses like techno-sight thingies?

(==>)

Him too. How do you know where to look? I half swear you're hiding robot eyes.

(==>)

SOLLUX: nah.

HAHAHAHAAHAHAH

he doesn't wanna deal with Vriska and John's shit XD

(HOW IS HE SEEING THEM)

Okay time for Vriska to kick down the door (or John to Turn To Wind thing them straight through it, few doors are barriers to him if he has his God-Tier powers in mind).

(==>)

*Shared look of questioning exasperation.*

(==>)

GOSH ROXY IS THE BEST NO MATTER WHAT EXPRESSION SHE'S DRAWN WITH

ROXY: hey you 2! ROXY: sorry abt him his manners are fuckin atroche JOHN: for real. ROXY: anyway hustle up and get in before someone sees ya ROXY: also john wtf happened to the secret knock VRISKA: Yeah, John! VRISKA: What the hell! JOHN: i- ROXY: move it buster!!

Hahahahahah.

Wait, this next link-- that's right we saw THE SHIP above the meteor in an earlier frame I didn't post, this all means that the kids are ALREADY HERE!@!! (Edit from below: nope I looked again it wasn't, why did I imagine it up in the sky)

(John and Roxy: Co-parent.)

This frame isn't important and I still love it in so many different ways.

ROXY: oh the kids are safe btw JOHN: that's good! JOHN: wait, they were in danger? ROXY: yeah numbnuts in case u forgor theres a whole ass conflict goin on with kids gettin kidnapped n houses gettin targeted n shit! ROXY: our house bein one of those hice! JOHN: you never told me our house was one of those hice!

What the FUCK is a "hice"?! \*looks up...\*

"Noun. hice. (chiefly humorous, nonstandard) plural of house."

Are you fuckin serious XD

JOHN: you told me to go get vriska, which i did. VRISKA: Actually, I pretty much got myself. JOHN: fair. JOHN: but i collected her! JOHN: you didn't really say anything about harry or the other kids at all. ROXY: oh man ROXY: i guess i kinda didnt huh ROXY: ... ROXY: aw jeez JOHN: hey! JOHN: i'm sorry roxy, don't worry about it, you've got em now. ROXY: what ROXY: no i dont got em JOHN: wait, what? JOHN: then who has them!!! ROXY: rosenaya and jade picked em up while they were ROXY: um ROXY: runnin around outside unsupervised JOHN: oh. JOHN: well... that's good! ROXY: ... JOHN: ... VRISKA: Haha! You guys are terri8le guardians. ROXY: hey stfu

Okay, so (*checks*) the ship WASN'T here yet, my bad. I guess Vriska is going to engage the Plot Point device before they even get here, potentially.

JOHN: yeah, you're one to talk! JOHN: you left your own clone on her own in a dungeon! VRISKA: It wasn't a "dungeon" John, it was a high-security 8lack site! JOHN: that's basically the same thing. JOHN: if anything it sounds a lot worse! VRISKA: She could handle it. VRISKA: Unlike your lame-ass offspring who need to 8e gru8sat by an entourage of armed guards, I can tell that she's got that patented Serket panache. JOHN: technically she's a maryam-lalonde. VRISKA: Sure, whatever. VRISKA: The point is, she's a Vriska. ROXY: whatever is right VRISKA: Hurry up and walk faster!

Vriska heard the Plot Point was a superweapon and she can't wait to get some shit done with it.

(==>)

You can practically SMELL Vriska drooling at the shrouded appearance of the most plot-significant thing she's seen in this entire timeline, and she think it's a "superweapon" designed just for HER.

CALLIOPE: hello! CALLIOPE: i'm so glad yoU all made it back alright. ROXY: oh it werent no thang baby i was just answerin the door CALLIOPE: not yoU, silly! ROXY: hehe VRISKA: Ew. JOHN: (a little, right?)

SHUT THE FUCK UP they're adorable together!!! Let them be sweet on each other! D:

CALLIOPE: salUtations, vriska! CALLIOPE: i mUst say it's a pleasUre to finally make yoUr acqUaintance! VRISKA: What the hell is that thing? CALLIOPE: hee hee, gracioUs. CALLIOPE: yoU're as rUde as i imagined yoU'd be. VRISKA: Not you. I know who you are. VRISKA: *That* thing! CALLIOPE: oh! CALLIOPE: yes, that'd make sense.

Pfff.

OKAY IT'S TIME TO SEE THE DEVICE, I'M EXCITED

(==>)

SHE'S fucking adorable too! GOSH I LOVE HS^2'S ART SO MUCH.

CALLIOPE: that, my narratively significant friend, is the reason we've called yoU here!

Time for the reveal--!

(==>)

CALLIOPE: allow me to introdUce...

PULL IT BACK

The Plot Point.

THAT'S SO FUCKING COOL LOOKING

CALLIOPE: The Plot Point.

What's with the colors on the left and right though? The spirals on the dragons? It's...

OH! The left spiral is in Roxy Lalonde's God-Tier Void outfit colors and the right spiral is in Calliope style. The combination of their talents and engineering. An infinity-like sideways hourglass up top. The Rogue of Void and the Muse of Space once again combining their talents to create a miracle. I love this.

(==>)

CALLIOPE: er, technically, the machine stabilizing The Plot Point. CALLIOPE: the actUal Point is that ominoUs looking bit in the middle! VRISKA: That's it? CALLIOPE: that's it! VRISKA: It looks sort of small and shitty. CALLIOPE: it's actUally anything but! CALLIOPE: it is paradoxically massive, and incomprehensibly powerfUl! CALLIOPE: so mUch so that the fact that anybody was able to contain it at all is a miracle in and of itself. CALLIOPE: bUt as mUch as i'd like to sit here and congratUlate myself on the achievement of its stabilization, more miracUloUs still is what we intend to achieve with it.

Is it the remnants of the hole alt!Calliope / AL tore open to escape the Black Hole, is it the center OF the singularity itself, or is it an encapsulation of Paradox Space? Or multiple of the above?

CALLIOPE: and yoU, vriska, are going to be instrUmental to the sUccess of this endeavor! VRISKA: No shit! VRISKA: That's kind of my whole thing. CALLIOPE: yoU're more correct than yoU know! ^u^ CALLIOPE: as we've already explained to john, this world is cUrrently mired in a state of, well... let's call it dUbious pertinence. CALLIOPE: a- VRISKA: I fucking KNEW it!!!!!!!! VRISKA: John, didn't I tell you? VRISKA: I totally did tell him. VRISKA: I've 8een saying that this world is complete 8ogus for ages now, and no8ody's 8een listening! VRISKA: Yet here I am, right again. VRISKA: Shocker! VRISKA: You should listen to Calliope, John. VRISKA: They may have pretty weird taste in fashion, 8ut they o8viously know what they're talking about where the shitty fake shitness of this joke of a timeline is concerned. VRISKA: Clearly we need to do something. CALLIOPE: Um. CALLIOPE: that was perhaps a tad redUctive, and sort of rUde, bUt yoU're certainly correct in yoUr assessment that something has to be done aboUt this!

Pretty much!

CALLIOPE: i'll keep this short. CALLIOPE: i know john's already heard a good deal of this explanation previoUsly, and yoU seem to be catching on quick! CALLIOPE: so! CALLIOPE: earlier, yoU mentioned that yoU've had a keen sense from the beginning that something was amiss here. CALLIOPE: althoUgh oUr world isn't necessarily "bogUs" and it certainly isn't "fake", per se, we are in effect completely cUt off from the wider canon of reality, to borrow a phrase from a slightly earlier me. CALLIOPE: we're kept qUarantined here by means of existing within a massive black hole, from which escape seems essentially impossible. CALLIOPE: that's where yoU come in! CALLIOPE: yoU see, we're hoping to leverage yoUr Unique hyperrelevancy here to- CALLIOPE: oops, let me back Up.

Back up to what?

CALLIOPE: the reason we broUght yoU *here*, specifically, is becaUse The Plot Point over there corresponds to the singUlarity at the exact center of oUr aforementioned plot prison! CALLIOPE: important bit of info, that! CALLIOPE: now, to reiterate, we want to escape that prison. CALLIOPE: and not jUst as individUals, either; no, the hope is that we'll be able to emancipate oUr entire world from this narrative pUrgatory and retake oUr place in the limelight!

Oh it was the SECOND THING-- the singularity itself, the normally-inescapable mass concentrating this entire timeline and all other fan-timelines in a prison nothing can normally escape, but that a Thief of Light as incessantly relevant as Vriska -- possibly with the help of an Heir of Breath, the aspect of freedom and escape -- to help them escape the black hole, and perhaps live outside Paradox Space still but still RELEVANT outside its influence, because Paradox Space itself is an entirely different sort of prison, of plot and canon that they would only want to tie themselves to enough to maintain coherence and escape the black hole garbage bin of irrelevance, I imagine.

CALLIOPE: to do this, we aim to become Uncontainable, and to do *that* we're going to Use yoU, a potent plot player if ever there was one, to crack the black hole wide open by, well... CALLIOPE: by interacting with the singUlarity! CALLIOPE: by reaching The Plot Point. CALLIOPE: now there are qUite a few ways this coUld practically shake oUt, and more than a few methodologies we coUld have yoU try. VRISKA: (...) CALLIOPE: the first thoUght was just to have yoU "make something happen" here, something significant, mind. CALLIOPE: bUt what woUld that really entail? CALLIOPE: contriving an entire scenario for yoU to play a pivotal role in, here at the center of all things? CALLIOPE: i did consider it, bUt it felt... CALLIOPE: well, inorganic. inaUthentic. CALLIOPE: and if we're going to make it oUt of here, inaUthenticity is the exact opposite of what we need to achieve! VRISKA: (........) CALLIOPE: which broUght me to wondering how someone like yoU might Utilize The Point itself, as a tool rather than a locale. CALLIOPE: how yoU might wield it!

I guess Roxy and Calliope (or at least, THIS Roxy and Calliope) haven't quite worked out the plan for exactly what they should do now that they've gotten to this point. But the way Vriska is acting, I think she's thinking of something. No matter who may or may not agree with her.

CALLIOPE: perhaps it's a portal, and we'd send yoU throUgh it? CALLIOPE: or maybe we'd have yoU ferry Us all throUgh it? CALLIOPE: thoUgh how woUld that work? CALLIOPE: alternatively, maybe it'd be as simple as having yoU attempt to destroy it! CALLIOPE: and-

I have a feeling that Vriska wants to do something that might let her PERSONALLY escape this timeline and return to the "real" canon one, to a realm of relevance herself... possibly forcibly dragging John along with her if she feels like it, but likely all on her own. And I'm not sure, but I think she wants to see Terezi again. And there's only one place she can find her.

I have a feeling whatever is about to happen isn't exactly what I or anyone else expects, though.

How is she going to steal enough relevance back from Canon to infuse this place with promise? *IS* she going to, or will she try to do her own thing and only accidentally do so, or end up fucking up and needing to be freed by John, or even have John himself be responsible for allowing them to escape the prison instead of Vriska?

(==>)

VRISKA: ALR8GHTY! VRISKA: Just... shoosh, lemme stop you right there. CALLIOPE: :u VRISKA: I don't have all day to sit around listening to a frumpy exposition creature.

*snert* exposition creature

JOHN: but you said t- VRISKA: 8up 8up 8up! VRISKA: You too. VRISKA: Here's the story. VRISKA: It's o8vious to anyone with half a pan that this whole shindig is pretty much cosmically clusterfucked, top to 8ottom. VRISKA: Equally o8vious is that I'm gonna 8e the one to fix it, 8ecause when am I not? VRISKA: And what's 8ecoming even MORE o8vious to me is that none of you actually have any REAL idea of what it is I need to 8e doing here! VRISKA: Theories, may8e. VRISKA: 8ut nothing solid.

That much is true.

VRISKA: So while I'd love to sit around listening to more academic conjecture on the ifs ands or 8uts of what EXACTLY this thing's deal is and what we should or shouldn't may8e do with it, I actually wouldn't love that at all, and am not going to do it, 8ecause it'd be a waste of my time. VRISKA: And no offense to this whole plane of existence, 8ut I've had just a8out as much as I can handle of wasting my time in here. VRISKA: It's time to kick off the training wheels and do what I do 8est: VRISKA: Figure shit out myself. VRISKA: So sit tight and leave the rest of this to me! VRISKA: You can thank me when I get 8ack.

I guess even though she's going it alone for herself, this all might work out after all? Vriska's gonna Vriska, but maybe that's not so bad here.

OH AN [S] PAGE OOOOOO

[S] (Vriska: Figure shit out yourself.)

Whoa that animation was cool as SHIT. And what was with the spinning hourglass...

VRISKA: You're welcooooOOOOH SHIIIIIIIIT-

PFFF

(==>)

That hourglass do be doing a REAL SPINNY STILL.

ROXY: wow JOHN: yeah, she's... JOHN: well, just as much of a card as i remember! ROXY: just as much of a jerk maybe CALLIOPE: she definitely was not very polite. CALLIOPE: bUt... CALLIOPE: i guess she did more or less end Up doing something! CALLIOPE: so i sUppose we shoUld chalk that Up as a win and a job well done? JOHN: i don't know... JOHN: i was kind of expecting something a bit more... JOHN: more plot significant? JOHN: i guess?

You don't quite know what she's going to DO in there though... or how important it's going to end up having made Vriska's experiences in this timeline, because whatever she ends up pulling off has to make (Candy) more important than a doomed timeline in sealing its need ineffably in the course of events of the future, present, or past of all Canon.

ROXY: callie CALLIOPE: yes dear? ROXY: is vriska right CALLIOPE: right aboUt what, dear? ROXY: about the fact that u dont actually know wtf we were supposed to be gettin up to here CALLIOPE: well... CALLIOPE: Um, more or less, yes. ROXY: bb are you srs CALLIOPE: oh dear. CALLIOPE: did i neglect to mention that i only really had a solid grasp on the inaUgural steps of this whole Undertaking? ROXY: um ROXY: YEAH CALLIOPE: oops! ^u^; ROXY: shit yeah callie that is kind of a fuckin oops!

Again... especially with the PRECISION with which this machine is made, I believe Roxy and Calliope are perhaps unknowingly collaborating with the OTHER Roxy and Calliope who are helping write the (Candy) storyline altogether.

ROXY: you said you were being compelled by like hella visions n premonishes n mysterious psychic spatiotemporal intuitions n i kinda figured that meant you had this shit all ttly comprehended! CALLIOPE: i'm sorry, roxy! CALLIOPE: it absolUtely wasn't my intention to mislead yoU or to overrepresent my level of Understanding of the process. CALLIOPE: it's jUst that, well... CALLIOPE: yoU remember how we got so wrapped Up in the initial excitement of finding the singUlarity and the rUined jUjU arch, and sUbseqUently stabilizing it with oUr sUper cool cherUbic-lalondian tech... ROXY: its true our tech really is so fkn cool...

EX-FUCKING-SCUSE ME DID YOU SAY RUINED JUJU ARCH!?!?!?? Who the fuck was responsible for THAT?!? For ALL of these devices!? I still have to play Hiveswap Chapter 2 but I feel like that won't give me answers yet either if I had to guess!!!

CALLIOPE: and then, well... it felt like we were on sUch a roll when we came to the conclUsion that we needed to leverage vriska's hyperrelevance to scUrry oUt of here... ROXY: we did have a whole bunch of high fives about that... CALLIOPE: it was an exhilarating breakthroUgh! CALLIOPE: and an eqUally exhilarating high-five session! CALLIOPE: bUt then the conflict began to ramp Up, and yoUr son got into all those shenanigans, and i wanted yoU to feel like i had everything Under control down here so yoU could attend to it! CALLIOPE: and all that notwithstanding, we really DID need to hUrry Up and do SOMETHING. CALLIOPE: i worried that perhaps yoU'd be a bit relUctant to pUll the trigger on this if it felt like all the details weren't lined Up. CALLIOPE: and so i... CALLIOPE: well, i sUppose i might have implied a more complete knowledge of the a to zed of all this then i actUally... possessed. CALLIOPE: and continUe to possess. JOHN: well, but you don't possess it. CALLIOPE: no, i'm afraid not. CALLIOPE: u_u ROXY: urgh callie i gotta say this feels sorta less than ideal ROXY: but i guess wcyd

Yeah, it was only a slightly dick move and the Rogue of Void is going to forgive this sort of white lie easily enough in their relationship. It makes sense.

JOHN: wow. JOHN: feels kinda nice not being the one getting chastised, for a change! ROXY: john shut ur insensitive blabhole or im gonna chastise the shit out of u JOHN: jeez!

Yeah butt out Egbert!

JOHN: just trying to think solution here, but is there something *we* should do? JOHN: should we maybe, i don't know... follow her? CALLIOPE: oh, i woUldn't recommend that. CALLIOPE: whatever's going on in there is likely to be extremely dangeroUs, and scarily... CALLIOPE: specific. JOHN: it's dangerous and you let her jump right into it? CALLIOPE: well she didn't exactly give me mUch of a golden window of opportUnity to try and talk her oUt of it, now did she! CALLIOPE: besides, what exactly was i sUpposed to say? CALLIOPE: "hello vriska, lovely to make yoUr acqUaintance, so glad yoU coUld make it to oUr little soiree, woUld yoU mind doing something of particUlar significance next to, bUt not within, that crackling narrative nexUs of swirling spacetime? by the by, i'm not actUally sUre as to what, and in addition to that the forces at play here coUld qUite easily rip yoU or perhaps even all of Us along with oUr entire plane of existence to pieces if yoU're not exceedingly carefUl so do take a second or two to think aboUt it?" ROXY: i mean mb that woulda helped ROXY: but rly it sorta seems like she woulda just jumped right tf in anyway JOHN: yeah.

Is John going to have to save Vriska from a Black Hole with his powers like I long falsely theory-foretold back in the original run of Homestuck? Once she's done her thing? John is pretty much the only possible person who could pull her back out of there. It'd be the complete embodiment of his God-Tier Heir of Breath role.

JOHN: ... JOHN: well, it doesn't *feel* like we're all being ripped to pieces. ROXY: ya im feelin pretty structurally intact, hbu callie CALLIOPE: whole and one! SOLLUX: yeah i'm all go0d. ROXY: oh damn dude, when did u get in here- ROXY: wait tf ROXY: are those my chips SOLLUX: i guess they were.

Pfff

banter banter banter...

SOLLUX: anyway what's going 0n in here? JOHN: hmmmmmmmm. JOHN: i wonder what IS going on in there.

Oh I love the next link title (but why is she grumpy though, is this AL/alt!Calliope we're cutting to?)--

Grumpy Exposition Creature: Exposit.

let’s have a look, then. as ever, faced with the desperate scrabbling of those who would overstep their bounds, it falls to me to clear things up. unfortunately, what’s been started here is now beyond my ability to curtail. what i can do, however, is show you all the consequences of the actions of those who would leap before they looked, and at the very least offer you a reprieve from tiresome conjecture in favor of equally tiresome deus ex machina.

Oh god, that's ominous as fuck. Alt!Calliope / AL is definitely pissed that the (Candy) folks besides the chosen few she brought along had the cheek to interfere and make the Canon timeline even more sprawlingly complicated without the ability to loop to a neat close.

Oh look at those brackets to represent the inside of the Plot Point, those are new? Have I finally almost caught up? ((NOO I WANTED TO SEE MORE YIFFY!)) I sniffed a glimpse of a 3D-or-game-like-looking something somewhere on tumblr or twitter or Patreon or the like in the midst of my efforts to immediately look away from anything close to a spoiler, so I sort of am expecting that I might be about to be shown something that would otherwise be surprisingly interactive and three dimensional soon...

[S] {Vriska: Come to.}

That was an ORANGE Sburb house like Dirk's color in the loading, or perhaps orange for Light colored?!

It's her old home... but in a white void with black clouds... ominously surrounded by horses...

{==>}

Home again, like the so distant past. Complete with the shitty "doomsday device" Eridan helped her build that never worked.

{==>}

She walks up her old stairs. Alt!Calliope/AL narrates...

they sent the thief here in search of power; the power to escape the containment i so painstakingly set up for them. she may well find it, though once again at no small cost to the integrity of this narrative, to say nothing of their tragically crumbling world. in fact, they’re quite lucky their meddling hasn’t immediately engendered the exact sort of catastrophic collapse my vibrant counterpart so flippantly theorized could occur. they must have friends in high places.

Friends in high places? Like the readers, or Andrew Hussie, or perhaps (Meat) Callie, who likely helped write this outcome?

If I had to guess, Alt!Callie thought this prison, this CONTAINMENT, would be a blessing... that perhaps the influence of non-Canon on Canon should be minimized even if non-Canon were to decompose into chaos and irrelevance. She believes this to hold nothing but danger and regret for them all. I think she's going to be proven wrong... but why is she so certain she's right about it? Quite ominous indeed...

Is it the remains of the collapsed Green Sun? Something Vriska would have the power to steal, something that might be powering the very existence of the (Candy) timeline though not sufficiently enough to keep it going for much longer without "crumbling" anyway?

{==>}

Whoaaaa.

when all is said and done, however, they’ll find the reward for their transgressions ill recompense for the price they paid to receive it. the black hole could only ever shelter them for so long, and in their haste to shrug off my protection they have opened the door to something far, far hungrier.

What... fandom demands? :?

{==>}

Vriska's old room...

this is not the salvation they are hoping for.

{==>}

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < meow! VRISKA: AAAAAAAAH! VRISKA: What the fuck are you doing here, Nepeta!

AhahAHAHAH!!! HAHAH! They live! :D

They couldn't be what AL was alluding to, could they? Time powers and fanfiction-love condensed into an oddly gender-euphoric-seeming fusion that loves themselves and knows the meaning and importance of Heart just as well or better than the Prince of Heart?

Vriska didn't meet this one for long, right, or ever? Hence confusing them for Nepeta?

{==>}

THAT'S WHERE ALL YOU OTHER MISSING SPRITES HAVE BEEN BESIDES JASPROSE

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < davepeta actually DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but i gotta say its pretty refurreshing getting hit with nepeta instead of dave fur once! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < everynyans always dave dave daving me and its like um YEAH maybe i AM half walker texas rapper with a sick pair of shades and some pretty funky ideas about what is or isnt funny and for what reasons DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but i am also half straight up mewjoshi with a super clean trenchcoat and very obvious kitty ear horn things! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < so thank you fur that DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < its very validating

Multigendered plural fusions need their validation just as much or more than everyone else, really. :D

VRISKA: Okay, well. VRISKA: What the fuck are you doing here, *Davepeta*. VRISKA: What the fuck am *I* doing here! VRISKA: What in the FUCK are you, me, and all the rest of these multichromatic circus freak rejects doing in my hive?! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < just kinda hangin out!

Is this like... a prison for everyone deemed too inconvenient to serve in the plot of even (Candy)?

{==>}

ERISOLSPRITE: wwe'vve been here for liike a miilliion fuckiin 2wweep2. DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < actually we just got here DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < this place didnt even exist until she popped in ERISOLSPRITE: gue22 ii'll fuck my2elf. DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < sprites go where guidance is essential!

Hmmmmm.

Friends in high places... Perhaps all of Skaia and/or the Horrorterrors combined wills also sanctioned this plan in the end? Because when they were created, or WILL BE created in Meat's timeline potentially, they'll eventually see and know something very important about what's possible here and how essential it is?

VRISKA: Ooooooooh, are you going to lead me to the weapon? VRISKA: Is it one of my doomsday devices? VRISKA: It totally is, isn't it. ERISOLSPRITE: 2et iit off, free u2.

Oh, hahah, Erisolsprite! You're so hilarious, wanting to unalive yourself all the time. Hahahah! Hah. :x

VRISKA: God, causality is so o8sessed with irony, even though it's such a useless joke for o8scene tools. DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < the only weapon in here is curled up snoozing all dormant and cute in your bloodpusher! VRISKA: Really? That's stupid.

It's not! Vriska is the Thief of Light.

If she really understood what that meant, then redistributing relevance is the exact and ultimate weapon needed for this situation. Even Callie and Roxy guessed THAT much, though Vriska perhaps still doesn't know enough about her potential to understand what she can actually do.

Also "in your bloodpusher" could indicate in your Heart, the ability for Vriska to interact with her broader Soul back in Paradox Space...

...Hopefully we don't need her to become an Ultimate Self version of herself? Because creating Ultimate Vriska would ABSOLUTELY open the door to "something far, far hungrier" in a way that might be dangerous to absolutely everyone.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *vriska stalks menacingly but ill informedly all up in here like "ummmmmmmm where am i what are you doing in my hive is the jank ass rube goldberg machine i built as a six sw33p old gonna fix everything?" because apparently thats so much less stupid* DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < just spaying DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < actually yuck i dont like that

Yeah that's a step too far a pun, and also probably not how Davepeta wants to roll.

VRISKA: If it's just me, then why the hell are all you guys here? DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < we rolled through so we could shepurrd our little eight legged sh33p to some helpfur self reflection

Yep... the biggest weapon is potentially Vriska performing some self-discovery and learning more about her title and aspect than she was willing to before-- learning about the real power she commands, which is so SO much more than just "luck".

VRISKA: I came here to save the world! VRISKA: In case you haven't noticed, the only thing showing up in MY reflection is a perfectly adjusted 8adass. DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < s33 that f33ls to me like an insane thing to say DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < does that not sound insane to you fefeta? FEFETASPRITE: 3833 < 383 DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < not very adjusted at all VRISKA: I need to adjust my way out of here. DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < tough kitties! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < s33 you just bapped the nail on the head DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < this is exactly why youre here DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you gotta work on your shit vriska serket!

I really like this. I really like seeing ALL of these characters sorting out the worst of some of their unresolved issues. And this childhood room and Vriska's childhood fantasies are at the heart (Heart!!!) of a lot of her desperation and neediness, and inability to look past HERSELF to find who and what she can truly be if she tries. These sprites are together to help speedrun her through a whole successful Sburb session's worth of growing up.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < *gears up to lay the fuckin smackdown on you all wrestler style but maybe also rapper style but the rapper is also a therapist who doesnt take shit from anybody and beats their clients the fuck up EMEOWTIONALLY but i guess in a productive way!!!* DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you meow a big game about doing shit that matters and saving the world and being right all the time and making tough calls or whatever the fuck DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < but more often than not youre just tearing through life taking a big dump in its litter box and kicking your collitteral all ofur the place! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < fluff that! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < you wanna save the world so bad? DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < youre gonna have to save yourself first

Let's gooooo! :D

(I wonder if any of the transfem Vriska toblerone stuff is going to play into this incidentally, while we're this far in her past, or if as i hear that was only possibly hinted at mainly in Pesterquest or something else I haven't played.)

{==>}

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < and were all gonna help you! DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < whether you like it or not

Are those ghosts from the Ghost Rain back in (Candy) that I haven't heard about since, when all the dream bubbles fell into the black hole?

{==>}

the fuck am i looking at XD

Okay, THIS is the 3D page I think I saw hinted at coming up, deliberately misleading link title and all:

{S} Begin Session.

Oh, "welcome to hell" and it's page 666, too, hah.

There was a prompt for a CHAPTER SELECT at the beginning so there's likely to be too much content here for me to screenshot much of, nor text I can highlight and paste properly, so I'm just going to comment on what I'm seeing when it's relevant as I play through this little game thing and paraphrase instead of using whole quotes unless something's so important I can't convey it with a screenshot alone.

We're first revisiting the cliff that Vriska threw Tavros off of. Vriska needs to confront why she fucking did that and that she ought not to have, but what exactly pushed her into it besides Doc Scratch. All the pressures she grew up with, and why she gave into them, and that she was... well, raised wrong and made wrong decisions that she needs to psychologically unpack to find herself. Her real self beneath all the bluster and arrogance and wrecking of shit.

--Ooh wait, the menu has a "Download Log" function, I'll use that if I need to to copy-paste text if needed (but I'll mostly focus on getting through this and commenting)!

*click*

Weird music. Egyptian out of nowhere. Have we crossed Charon's river?-- no wait that's greek. Oh jazz too.

VRISKA: wow, hell was right.

Again I'll try not to quote everything and just allude or paraphrase. I wonder if this beat is implied to be something Davepetasprite^2 would have mixed together.

Vriska thinks she's faced with the "ghosts of her past" and needs to "sort it out", hm. A shallow approach but we'll get to her depths soon enough.

Wait I tried the Download Log option to try and get the transcript to quote Vriska's "speedrun enlightenment" (lol good luck) line, but instead it was just the game's debug log. And the other menu... SKIP UNSEEN TEXT AND AFTER-CHOICES?

Oh man, this is an adventure potentially with CHOICES where we keep skipping back to figure out how to best get through a situation isn't it and see her go through each of the options??? :D (Or is at least built on an engine that does that?) Fucking sick! It even SAVES AND LOADS. Is it big enough to NEED that?!

I'm just gonna dive into this and comment lightly so I can get through it myself if you don't mind.

Continuing Tavros's segment...

We're replaying a point in her past where Tavros is near that cliff, and Vriska hasn't killed OR disabled him yet...

I feel fine about killing Tavros, and he's certainly ok with it now. The situation's sorted!

BULLSHIT IT IS. Let's see you being forced to introspect here, I can't wait.

It could have 8een any number of things. I did a lot of things wrong.

Yeah, BUT WHY? You haven't fucking confronted it yet.

Oh now she's pulling out the thing Rose just did with "It all worked out in the end so it was the right thing to do", fuck that. Fuck that. Learn.

{Hours Later, but not many.}

WHAT IS THAT ANIMATED LIP QUIVER SHE'S GOT TO BE FAKING IT

VRISKA: ...I'm sorry I said your lusus "smelled like tears".

So she's thinking that apologizing for everything she ever did is going to help, here... she might even be working herself up about it, making herself genuinely emotional if I don't get psyched out on the next click. But apology isn't enough here... she needs to learn about HERSELF, and why she did what she did, and what she would RATHER HAVE DONE if it came down to it, rather have done FOR HERSELF and not just for everyone else's.

And perhaps, words aren't at all what matters here. It's hard for a Light player to figure out, but words don't mean much. Only actions.

Clicking forward... yep, it's not progressing. And she's being "sincere a8out at least 80% of these", hahahah.

((Also I forgot that the infinity symbol on her eyepatch lines up with the sideways hourglass on the plot point machine and would be the perfect accoutrement to her becoming her Ultimate Self, too.))

Whoa.

Hold on.

I know it's a common phrase in Homestuck. SO common a phrase that I never... fuck... how could I be... the fucking person who wrote that Ultimate Riddle post and not make this connection?

The game keeps asking her, keeps asking and asking her the exact same question:

"What will you do?"

A phrase repeated dozens and dozens and dozens of times throughout all of Homestuck. And idiot that I am I never ONCE thought to REARRANGE THE WORDS.

Because the answer to the Ultimate Riddle is theoretically:

Do What You Will

THE ULTIMATE RIDDLE POST IS LITERALLY ELEVEN YEARS OLD HOW DID I NOT ONCE MAKE THIS FUCKING CONNECTION

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAA

(Okay calm the fuck down, focus. Back to the game.)

Is that the lesson she's finally going to learn, here???

Let's keep going and see.

...(more clicking)

"What will you do?"

Huh... Vriska thinks Tavros ought to want revenge against her for what she did to him. That's one of the biggest things she has to unlearn.

VRISKA: It's like I'm always saying, words are meaningless. VRISKA: What we need is action.

Nice callback but no you don't always say that asshole! I mean, you've been saying it lately... but also running from your problems with it.

VRISKA: The reason I'm stuck here is 8ecause I don't owe you plac8ing apologies VRISKA: I owe you revenge. It's just that easy!

None of this is EASY. That's been your issue. You haven't even admitted when it's been hard except for fleeting moments of pure anger and frustration.

VRISKA: You have to throw me off this cliff.

Pffffff

TAVROS: vRISKA I DON'T WANT TO DO A REVENGE ON YOU

Thank you, Tavros, but it's not going to be that easy to get it through her thick skull.

VRISKA: [live out the rest of your life] Here on Alternia. VRISKA: Before everything goes wrong. VRISKA: You can kill me now. VRISKA: 8efore I screw your life up.

Tavros didn't want Vriska to just disappear. Not back then, and not for a long time now.

Oh and now she's literally REPEATING the crime of trying to FORCE HIM TO KILL HER that she did on the quest bed. She has to reckon with THAT too.

Hm-- it's only giving me one choice, huh? I wonder if more will open up if/when we come back to this scene?

{Thief: Do the right thing.}

Manipulating him, stealing his will to FORCE him to kill her. Just another crime for the pile, really, not a solution.

{It's really for the 8est.}

VRISKA: Good luck.

Wishing luck to someone ELSE instead of herself, huh.

{Adios, Toreador.}

The music fading off...

SHING

She's literally GRINNING to be dead.

{==>}

Only to wind back up on that same beach she started the Plot Point in.

YEAR 2

HOLY FUCKING SHIT

OKAY MAYBE THIS IS GOING TO TAKE HER A WHILE!!!!

I guess that while the other folks in the Candy timeilne grew up around her, she's still younger... still has LITERAL growing up to do to match up with them. So that hourglass wasn't a joke, this is almost like a TEMPORAL SINGULARITY, a hyperbolic feelings jam time chamber.

Fascinating. (Click.)

Davepeta roleplaying, heheh. Always happy to see it.

Oh, Vriska has a tank top and her hair tied back. She's going to grow up, steadily and slowly, through all this.

"the breaking of cycles, dissolution of the self, whatever other philosophical rhetoric bill murray said in that one meowvie", huh? I do feel more like we're aiming for her to reach her Ultimate Self here, perhaps...

Yeah no shit Vriska's going to be depressed after two years trapped here with her past problems, unable to even die to escape them.

Asking Davepeta to please tell her, HER, what to do, and not in a flighty spritey roundabout way. Hmm. Let's see if they answer, and let's see if she's finally ready to listen.

You think "sweeps of my life are 8eing w8sted here", huh? Your immortal life, you mean? And you don't know that there's time compression going on in here yet, perhaps.

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: B33 < trust me i'm trying!!

D'aww, they look so bashful about failing to help, here.

Hahahhaah, that IS an issue isn't it! ...Huh. I wonder who WOULD be able to relate to her enough for her to listen to, that she would actually be able to take the advice of. Aradia? But is any version of her or ghostly imitation even here?

I know I'm wasting the image limit a little here but THAT'S WAY TOO CUTE, seriously I love how happy Davepetasprite^2 is with BEING themselves all the time.

Ooh, if you don't watch the groundhog movie you're gonna have an even harder time of this. Two whole years and you didn't watch Groundhog Day for a hint to get out and solve your psychological problems?

DAVEPETASPRITE^2: *the fearsome gender neutral lionesster pins down its prey but instead of getting down to business growls out how the prey deserves this for being a big disappointing pussy*

Fuck I love that, "gender neutral lionesster" complete with that portmanteau at the end, that's valid as heck. Validation of ANY sort breathes life into my lungs.

Whoa... five choices, three of them grayed out, and "Check back later!" at the bottom. No wonder there's save slots, so this is going to be periodically updated?!?

Flarp manuals will bring us back to Tavros for sure... Let's see if that's something new and doesn't bring us back. (Click!)

VRISKA (angry): "I've apologized, I've killed you, you've killed me, you've paralyzed me, disfigured me, we traveled the world together." VRISKA: "We 8uilt you an army, had several revolutions, you got to do your little dance a thousand times over."

Oh she even replayed her LATER adventures with ghost Tavros?

Sure, but what did she LEARN from any of this, about HERSELF? What is she WILLING to learn about herself?

Oh.

Oh my god.

Oh my god this whole time she's never asked him to "participate in activity of his own choosing". SHE'S NEVER ASKED HIM WHAT HE WANTED TO DO THIS ENTIRE TIME.

SHE'S FINALLY LEARNING ABOUT WILL! ABOUT THE BALANCE TO FIND WITH ALLOWING OTHERS AGENCY!!!!?!

Let's see... yep, he wants to play a game.

Because he used to play games all the time with the likes of Vriska... and he enjoyed himself, until she betrayed him and threw him off a cliff. For the first time EVER in her life, Vriska is trying to see what Tavros actually wants without deciding it for him.

{Play game.}

Vriska is baffled that even though she won, Tavros is still happy to have played the game. Even when Tavros was losing, he was STILL ENJOYING playing games with her. He always had.

He doesn't CARE that much about losing. She's never understood, been able to relate, to that. To her, losing was like death.

To him, losing in a new and different way is an adventure.

I'm loving all of this so much.

VRISKA: Damn. VRISKA: That is quite possibly the gayest thing I have ever heard someone say, Nitram.

PFFF I DID A SPITTAKE ALMOST

TAVROS: wHAT DOES THAT WORD, EVEN MEAN VRISKA: I don't know! It's a human word Dave would repeat all the time 8efore I started using it against him.

OUCH, on the meteor trip? Ouch ouch ouch! XD

VRISKA: It's 8asically what you tell people when you think they're 8eing inane and need them to shut up. TAVROS :wELL THEN, vRISKA, i THINK YOU, aRE gAY TOO,

BAAHAHAHAAHAH PREACH

TAVROS: yOU AND I, aRE BOTH STUPID GAY, TAVROS: nOW BASED OFF THE RULES OF GAY, wE HAVE TO SHUT UP AND GAME, VRISKA: I'm not gay, stop saying I'm gaaaaaaaay!!!!!!!!

I'M FUCKIN DYING XD

Tavros is right: If someone didn't lose, following all these game rules wouldn't be fun. If you can't love losing at least a little, you can't truly love playing games.

PFFFHAHAHAH he remembered something for a split second to make a point and then went back to not and Vriska is losing her shit.

She's remembering why she hated him so much... how she HAD to hate this attitude of his. I'm guessing in part it's because thanks to her lusus, SHE NEVER HAD THE LUXURY OF LOSING, THAT WAS DEATH TO HER. Possibly LITERALLY death, to not win and feed others to her mother.

OHOHO SHE ACCIDENTALLY REVEALED HER OWN FEELINGS!!!

VRISKA: I think if a certain uppity human was here, she'd call it "projecting."

SHE'S FINALLY FUCKING LEARNING

Tavros laying it down that he always REMINDED HER OF ALL OF HER FEARS. THAT'S why she always hated him.

TAVROS (eyebrowsing): i LOVE NOW KNOWING, tHAT YOU HAVE PROBLEMS,

Oh that's gonna get to her. XD

They could both be projects for each other. Oh gosh it's actually showing how they could have had a HEALTHY rivalry or relationship in some other quadrant where they improved each OTHER, and Tavros showed her how to be comfortable losing and not always having to concern herself with survival.

Aw he's feeling "inspired" (Breath)!

...whoa. Tavros laying out some alternative gender fantasies here? The nice and soft bronze fairy, and she will be super nice and awesome because everyone likes her?

VRISKA: Let's play some games for girls.

Yeah!!!!!!!!

Oh my god Tavros really DID have a character sheet for a female Bronze Fairy character that was a Tavros-like mirror to Vriska's Blue Fairy and he's embarrassed to say it. This is pretty incredible, I love how much Gender they are stuffing into all of these updates.

And yeah Vriska, it's the first time you've really listened to him. Really, ACTUALLY been not terrified to listen to him, and tried to understand how he feels without your defenses all the way up to just drive over him whenever he made you uncomfortable, or literally ever.

VRISKA: This whole time I thought I was supposed to 8e pushing you. VRISKA: It's soooooooo o8vious now, that was pretty fucking stupid of me. There was nothing I could have done to change your mind, huh? ARADIABOT: exactly

AAAAA aradiabot jumpscare! Right at her important psychological revelation! D:

ARADIABOT: y0ure finally starting t0 get it

And I'm so glad of it.

{==>}

Vriska's finally taken a step forward after all these years trapped here, and she's flabbergasted.

LoMaT and Aradiabot, now.

VRISKA: Are you... aware of the situation? Does this mean I finally cleared Tavros and you're the next level of helltier?

Well, yeah I think so pretty much.

ARADIABOT: i w0uldnt say that ARADIABOT: m0re acurately this is the b0ss fight t0 drive the p0int h0me

Oh?

Yeah, Vriska still thinks this purgatory is about punishment, or atonement, instead of LEARNING. About herself, about her friends, about GROWING as a person.

VRISKA: It's not........?

Two years slow on the pickup! WOW that's a thick layer of problems for Vriska to work through all at once.

Oh what a callout... good point Aradiabot, telling it straight to her that VRISKA was the only one satisfied by Aradiabot giving her the smackdown and killing her. That she wanted to be hated, judged, and that was the thing that she couldn't stand about Aradiabot the most.

ARADIABOT: what i meant was that y0u got what y0u always wanted ARADIABOT: y0u were ex0nerated vriska thats what its always been ab0ut

Yeah, she's always wanted someone to make her pay.

VRISKA: I never once asked to 8e f8rgiven for free, I always paid the price!

No, you believed in the false power of redemptive violence. You never confronted why you did what you did in the first place, you just used exoneration as an excuse to not work on the problem at all in yourself.

ARADIABOT: wh0 can aff0rd t0 care when they kn0w y0ure g0ing t0 hurt them again?

FUCKING PREACH.

No, Vriska, getting beaten and bruised and mutil8ed and h8ing yourself doesn't fix the problem. Redemptive violence is a myth. You have to confront why you did what you did inside YOURSELF and cure yourself of the root cause.

Oh wow, "What will you do" growing on the screen like this...

Yeah, Vriska's not going to manipul8 aradiabot into caring. That wouldn't accomplish anything, and she's moved past really, truly, being willing to try that anyway.

ARADIABOT: y0ure n0t here t0 be redeemed vriska y0ure here t0 grow up

Exactly. ...And kind of fun that Pupa Pan Tavros was her first and hardest test, in that light.

--Vriska doesn't even understand what that MEANS yet, being asked to grow up! She doesn't know what growing up REALLY MEANS having only interpreted it in the cruel Alternian context she internalized while being raised!

ARADIABOT: d0 y0u even want t0 be that b0ssy br0ad?

YES CUT TO THE HEART OF THE MATTER. That Vriska doesn't actually enjoy BEING this thing she thinks she has to be. That the badass bossy broad she's convinced she SHOULD be, and plays the part of, was never what would truly make her happy and was NEVER going to avoid hurting everyone else. And deep down, she hates that she hurts people. But she's convinced herself she never had a choice.

...Yeah, Aradiabot, preach it. Paraphrasing her, even at her "most useless self", there's a place for Vriska in the world and people in it that want to share a life with her if she'd let them.

Pfff, Aradiabot's "0o0" face at her asking "am I the problem?"

ARADIABOT: i am g0ing t0 expl0de again

LOL

People have been telling you that your entire life, Vriska. You've just never listened. <3

ARADIABOT: 0f course! ARADIABOT: y0u already have

EXACTLY-- both before and even in this very sequence, ESPECIALLY in this sequence with Tavros, quite significantly!

--pff she's shocked and confused that Aradiabot thinks so

Yeah, she's grown steadily throughout all this, she's not the same as she was as a kid-- and she still has MUCH more to grow to TRULY grow up, and has taken an enormous step just now with Tavros's memory whether she realizes it or not.

ARADIABOT: "that aligns with y0ur aspect" ARADIABOT: "light players define themselves by their direct acti0ns and understanding"

Agency and Information, yeah! (Though that sort of goes somewhat against how I was saying earlier to Sollux's ominous portent how the Life/Doom axis was better about defining oneself by their actions; perhaps not by their actions but by... hm. Light players concern themselves more about agency (the ability to act) and then the MEANING of those actions, whereas Life players just DO and don't consider the meaning behind what they do as closely, don't LET IT DEFINE themselves as much, perhaps. Is that close to how I've described it before? I need to remember I'm learning from what the story is telling me, not JUST trying to fit it into my preconceived notions, as tempting as that is.

And yeah, a Time player gets to understand how these cycles of growth and then stagnation loops keep happening, the picture of Vriska as a person growing a bit but getting complacent and comfortable and slipping back into bad habits.

Vriska is barely but still willing to accept that there is "some8ody out there still w8ing for me, even after all my fum8ling". (SPOILERS VRISKA, IT'S TEREZI, YOU DUNKASS!)

Vriska says she's wondering whether she and Aradia, despite everything that happened, could have ever been friends.

ARADIABOT: y0u mean if y0u had put in the time and w0rked 0n wh0 y0u are and bec0me ultimately the best versi0n of y0urself? ARADIABOT: hmm ARADIABOT: n0 VRISKA: !!!!!!!! VRISKA: C-can I 8sk why???????? VRISKA: D8 you h8 me that much? ARADIABOT: i d0nt hate you ARADIABOT: but i d0nt want to spend my time 0n y0u either VRISKA: 8ut!!!!!!!! ARADIABOT: v.v VRISKA: ........ VRISKA: ........ ok. VRISKA: Ok.

Vriska was always SO DESPERATE for Aradia to feel SOMETHING towards her. Even hatred. And she was always denied. But not everything is meant to be. And even if she can become a better person, you're not always going to gel with everyone.

This is all so wonderful.

{Vriska: Take Aradia's hand.}

The quest recuperacoon where she ascended...

This is the last image I can put in this post and it made me teary-eyed the instant I saw it and it's still making me teary-eyed. Wow. Fucking... wow, this... this entire trapped-in-a-time-singularity psychological confrontation and growth experience Vriska is undergoing... this is better than anything I could have asked for, for her and from this story. I love this all so much. So fucking much.

VRISKA: 8ut I am actually sorry. For everything. TAVROS: yOURE RIGHT, iT'S DEFINITELY POINTLESS TO SAY, bUT, iT IS AN APPRECI8TED GESTURE };)

{==>}

VRISKA: And, it's not going to 8e the same again. VRISKA: I'll stick with it this time. I promise. ARADIA: we kn0w ARADIA: y0u have t0 ARADIA: n0 0ne else is g0ing t0 save y0u n0w VRISKA: 8ecause it's just me left? ARADIA: yes ARADIA: its just y0u ARADIA: g00d luck vriska ARADIA: i h0pe y0u get better s00n

Even the infinity symbol on her eyepatch has broken just a little bit, like a broken cycle. That got a couple actual tears out of me. This is incredible.

{Level Complete!}

...She's reached the "8OUNDARY RESPECTER" level on her weird new hell/perdition-themed solitary-candle-in-the-darkness echeladder.

Wow. That was just... incredible.

Mindfang's journal is next, but I've hit the image limit, and it's a miracle I've had the energy to push through and liveblog morning to night like this today... but it was all so amazing I couldn't stop, and for now I HAVE to take that image limit excuse to pace myself and not complete that final sequence that's currently out, just yet. I'll probably liveblog that tomorrow... and if I have energy, maybe even check out some of the commentary, unless that's pushing it. Gosh I love this webcomic so much, everyone. This is better than anything I could have possibly expected to happen when she used the Plot Point.

Oh my god... it's called {S} Begin Session because it's an extended THERAPY SESSION. :DDD

Thanks for being on this journey with you guys later, and I'll be caught up soon! There's no way I'm going to be able to get through ALL of the Patreon/bonus commentary I've missed since HS2 resumed in one day, and I can't guarantee I'll even start on it, but by sometime tomorrow I'll be caught up on Homestuck^2, posted, finally and waiting for the next part of this game on Page 666 with bated breath like everyone else, ready to liveblog it within a day or two of each new upd8 while I gradually crawl through whatever bonus material I haven't covered. :D

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