Thoughts and other stuff that I want to say
Some of these are problems I have, excluding the problem where I take my anger out of my friends/people I know in general, that I am trying to get over of (it’s going somewhat ok so far). I fear that this might cost me time loose some friends but I really need to get this off my chest (Some I already confessed on a WB).
After the whole events with my other problem, I saw the reason why some people don’t like “vent people” or whatever; reason being that it’ll cause someone anxiety and/or worry when a friend of their’s vents, even when the vent is suicidal or anything big. I’m tired of worrying and I don’t like to see my friends like this, though I do understand how sometimes they have to say what they feel (that’s why I’m writing this whole thing). I know not everything is cupcakes and rainbows but it pains me to see my friends in their own pain, though I don’t react, but I set myself to the side (especially since I’m not a big help when it comes to venting, I get a bit stressed).
As much as I am moots with someone or someone is following me and I know them, I don’t really consider some people here as friends or whatever. Not saying I don’t like them it’s just…I really don’t know how to feel about them. It’s not a lot of people on here -probably only 2 or 3- but still. There may be a reason for this, but it may come out as rude so I try not to say it directly in their faces, but also try not to say it behind their backs either (I also only take joking insults from people I’m close too).
(Ok now this might be the one that would cost me some friends…) I saw this with two people I know that are “dating” (idk if they are actually dating, probably not and it’s only platonic, but this is just if they are) and they have RP accounts in which they happen to ship their characters with each other. Now let me say this…JUST BECAUSE THE RP ACCOUNTS ARE SHIPPED DOESNT MEAN ITS ACTUAL DATING (or whatever). Idk what you guys do in private but if you guys are dating in character shouldn’t mean you are dating in general, because you guys might not know each other well enough and it might end up being bad (I have experience this once). Although if you guys DO know each other well enough then that should be fine and dating in general would be ok, I just feel like thinking you guys know each other just by only dating in character will turn out very bad.
(IDC IF YOU DONT TAKE THIS SERIOUSLY BUT I GOTTA SAY THIS.) I overthink sometimes, but/so when it comes to people calling me by “pet” names (anything but romantically), I get all crazy and giddy over it, letting my mind think that it’s romantic when it’s really not. I honestly live for “pet” names (it depends on what the name is tbh) and if someone were to call me one I might fall in love with them for a bit (it goes away though…maybe). So sorry if you call me something like “honey” and I go full on crazy (over you), I can’t help it./gen
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WIP Intro - Colour WIP
When a Purple mage – part of the serving class – is found and saved from following her colours expectations, she joins an overambitious heist crew, looking to obliterate a device that could change the world as they know it. As she learns more about the world and her magic, she slowly comes to realise that real life isn’t quite as perfect as the stories she was told…
Starring!
Fina Luceros: Purple mage, sheltered from the outside world for fear of her being snatched away and groomed into servitude. Idealistic dreamer, anticipates things to be much more exciting than they end up being. Eleven years old and eager to please.
Red: Red mage, living legend, survived a typically deadly colour swarm and emerged changed from the event. Leader of the heist crew and the one who stopped Fina being snatched away. Arrogant and head-strong, often looks down on others for not matching his skill level. Completely blind.
Clem: Orange mage. Expelled student who was studying the effects of colour storms (and their absence) on mages. Badly affected by an old orange storm, and feels the impact of it quite consistently. Cannot stand Red.
Sunny: Yellow mage. Stoic and serious, speaks very rarely, mostly uses sign language to be understood.
Lief: Green mage. Non-nonsense, runs the business behind the scenes. Excellent kickass grandma vibes. Wants to be Normal.
Brighton Blackling: Blue mage, heir to a very powerful conglomerate and determined to keep it that way. Scientist and inventor. Obnoxious asshole, looks down on nearly everyone for pretty much everything. The one who called for and is funding the heist.
Bernadette Blackling: Magicless, Brighton's younger sister, desperate to inherit the family business. Diligent socialite with a heart of ice. Methodical and ruthless, working hard to out-do her brother and earn the inheritance, and created:
Elan Soot: White mage, failed test subject in Bernadette's bid to create a mage able to control all colours. Emerged stripped of and tormented by any pigment - works to bleach them out and make a 'perfect' world for themselves. Red's supposedly dead sibling, Bernadette's lover. Impulsive and abrupt.
Featuring fucked up sibling dynamics, a cutthroat gang trying to push the boundaries of what lowerclassmen can do, sentient and mood-altering magic, and cycles of behaviour that repeat over and over and over, often ending with abrupt betrayal.
Tagged under #colour wip. Comic sans intro. Short story.
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FFxivWrite 2024
Day 15 - Kindness (Free Day)
“Haurchefant!”, A’viloh yelled as he noticed the Elezen at the lower end of the staircase while looking down into the entrance hall. Quickly he followed him downstairs. “Rael told me you were looking for me.”
“Right.”, he said with a bright smile. “And here you are! I have to admit when you weren’t home yet when I arrived back home from the Congregation earlier, I was a little worried something might have happened to you on your way home.”
“Oh! No, I’m fine! I just brought Chloé to the stables and walked a bit through the city.”, the Miqo’te explained. “I am sorry if I caused you to worry.”
“No, it’s alright. I should have known you could take care of yourself after this impressive show of strength today.”, Haurchefant chuckled.
“Well... then let me use this opportunity to thank you once again for such a wonderful gift and also for your support and cheering me on like this.”, A’viloh said and smiled at the Elezen. “I wouldn’t have been able to do this without your and Rael’s help.”
But Haurchefant shook his head. “I’m sure you would have anyway. And it of course goes without saying that I should support such a good friend as you are.”
“I don’t think it’s that obvious.”, the Miqo’te pondered. “At least I am not taking it for granted. Also that you spent so much time with me the last few weeks. First at Camp Dragonhead, when I wasn’t feeling well, and now here. Your kindness helped me a lot in this strange city.”
Haurchefant laughed slightly and A’viloh realised what he had said. “I’m sorry! I didn’t mean to insult your home of course. Ishgard is beautiful, as is this house. Very comfortable in fact… but still… it’s so unfamiliar for me. And some days I feel horribly lost and lonely.”
“That’s only understandable…”, Haurchefant offered reassuringly. “But I am glad to hear I could help you. I only wish for you to be happy. After everything you’ve done for all of us, you certainly deserve it.”
“I don’t know…”, A’viloh said and the sadness still lingered on his face. “I am not as special as all of you make it sound sometimes…”
“Of course you are!”, Haurchefant protested but A’viloh just shrugged. For a moment the Elezen seemed to think, then he exclaimed, “Oh! I know something that might cheer you up! Have you ever seen northern lights?”
“Have I ever seen what?”, A’viloh replied in confusion.
“Oh, splendid!”, Haurchefants beamed and asked a servant to fetch their coats. “I think you would love the northern lights, come one!”
Too puzzled to protest A’viloh followed him to the door, where a servants already handed the Elezen their coats. Quickly Haurchefant put on his own coat before helping A’viloh into his and then opened the door for him.
“Thank you.”, the Miqo’te whispered. “But where are we going?”
“Only to the pavilion.”, Haurchefant explained. “Don’t worry, you won’t freeze! There should be a fire. I can’t promise that we will see any northern lights though. It is rare for them to be visible from the city, but at least the sky is clear enough to see the stars tonight, so there is a chance...”
So far the night sky had mostly been hidden by clouds since they arrived here in Ishgard. At least the stars had never been so clear and shining as they were this night.
A’viloh found it strange how the stars over such a far-away and cold city could remind him of the night sky in the desert. The constellations were slightly different of course but the sea of glimmering lights was just as infinite and beautiful as he remembered.
There in fact was a small fire lit in a crozier inside the little pavilion at the side of Fortemps manor. The tiny building had been positioned so you could overlook some of the rooftops of Ishgard and also have a free view at the snowy mountains and the night sky above.
Since A’viloh had forgotten his gloves he stretched out his hands to warm them at the fire. Meanwhile Haurchefant stepped closer towards the lookout over the city and let his eyes scan the sky.
“There!”, he suddenly exclaimed and raised an arm to point at the sky. “It’s not much, but look, there in the distance!”
Curiously A’viloh looked up and followed with his gaze where the Elezen pointed. At first he couldn’t see anything but after a moment he caught sight of the faint, green glowing whirls in the sky. He gasped and hurried to Haurchefants side, leaning onto the banister of the pavilion to get a better look at this curious, beautiful appearance. For a few moment he just wordlessly started to the sky, his eyes shining brighter with wonder than the stars in the sky.
“This is the most beautiful thing I’ve ever seen…”, he whispered.
“Truly…”, Haurchefant replied but it wasn’t the sky he looked at. “There it is again, that pretty smile of yours.”
Startled A’viloh turned his eyes to Haurchefant who looked back at him smiling fondly.
Carefully the Elezen rested one hand on A’viloh’s and although it surprised the Miqo’te he didn’t pull it away. He wasn’t sure what this was but it felt comfortable. So often he felt horribly lost and hopeless and lonely but not when Haurchefant was around. His courage and cheerfulness were so contagious.
Tentatively the Elezen raised his other hand to caress A’viloh’s cheek and A’viloh couldn’t help but lean into the warmth he provided.
“I like you, A’viloh.”, Haurchefant confessed quietly and a little hesitantly the Miqo’te replied. “I like you too…”
He didn’t know if he really meant it the same way as him. But maybe this was enough for now.
“I would like to kiss you…”, the Elezen whispered almost silently and although it wasn’t a question it sounded like one.
What does it matter anymore?, A’viloh asked himself and nodded barely visible. Maybe I can be happy after all…
But he knew it felt wrong even before Haurchefants had leant down to him, about to close the distance between them.
He wanted to try, he wished it felt different but —
Wordlessly he raised a hand to the Elezen’s lips and turned away. Why did this feel so wrong all of a sudden? Why couldn’t he just he happy?
“I’m so sorry”, he whispered. “I can’t…”
Carefully he glimpsed to Haurchefant who looked so confused.
“There is someone else…”, A’viloh explained without really knowing anymore who it was he was talking about. But did it really matter? The result was the same. “There was, I mean… He is gone…”
“I am sorry…”, Haurchefant offered but A’viloh shook his head.
“No, I should be sorry.”, he repeated and evaded Haurchefants eyes with a sad expression on his face. “I’ve given you false hope. But I thought I could…”
“It’s alright.”, Haurchefant said softly and instead took A’viloh’s hand and pressed a light kiss to his knuckles. ”You really don’t need to explain yourself to me. And no need for such a sad face. Wasn’t this a wonderful evening until now?”
“It was.”, A’viloh agreed and smiled as he noticed the Elezen was still smiling at him too.
“Do you want to tell me about it?”, Haurchefant asked but A’viloh didn’t want to ruin the mood a second time. “Maybe another time…”
The Elezen reassuringly put a hand on his shoulder.
“Fine. But you can always talk to me if you want. You are a friend, A’viloh, and you will always be, no matter what.”
A’viloh felt so silly for rejecting someone as kind as Haurchefant. He was such an unconditional, wonderful friend. He himself on the other hand…
“I just wished I could be such a good friend for others as you are…”, the Miqo’te admitted and looked to the ground.
This seemed to surprise Haurchefant. “What makes you think you are not?”
Sharply A’viloh laughed. “Oh, only their faces when they look at me. Lately all I do is cause them to worry. Have you looked at Rael recently? Ever since we fled, every time I talk to them, they seem more and more troubled and withdrawn and I cannot tell why…”
“Hmmm…”, Haurchefant tilted his head in thought. “Rael certainly seems like something is bothering them and indeed they were worried about you. But are you sure this change is your fault? Do you think I should try to talk to them instead?”
“If Rael doesn’t talk to me, I doubt they will talk to you…”, A’viloh explained with a sigh. “If I just could so something to cheer them up…”
“Why don’t you?”, Haurchefant asked. “Certainly there is something Rael likes that would make them happy?”
“Books?”, A’viloh offered but didn’t sound convinced.
“I think there’s more than enough in our library already…”
“Magic and potions? But what do I know about that?”
“Isn’t Rael already studying with the astrologians? But maybe they would like to talk about it… what else?”
“Nature? Yes! And animals!”
“Ah! That’s something we can work with!”, Haurchefant exclaimed. “Sit down! I’ll pull the fire a bit closer. I’m sure we can figure something out….”
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