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littlestarlost · 4 years

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what happened.

All this hunger is Always following us Out where we survive under poisonous skies They’re dreaming, but nobody’s sleeping Just coked hearts speeding See all the gold teeth gleaming See all the young, healthy free men Just move into nothing

(CW: discussion of mental health, trauma, PTSD)

A version of this post has been sitting in my drafts folder for ten months. I know this, because I originally began to write it around late January, just in time for the one-year mark to have passed since I’d last updated Setting Sun. When I posted that most recent update, I had just turned 30 years old, and I promised that it would not be another year before the next update. I wanted, so badly, for that to be true. In hindsight, it’s honestly better that I failed to keep that promise; I fear it might have exacerbated the damage that’s already been done, and made the healing process that much harder.

It’s been nearly two years. I want to talk about what happened.

I first began to write about Yuuri Katsuki and Victor Nikiforov because I recognized myself so keenly in them; Yuuri’s high-achieving anxiety and imposter syndrome, and Victor’s quietly functional depression. When I found YOI, I was in grad school; I was winning awards, the top of my class, and utterly terrified that it was all a sham. Being able to channel those emotions through these characters helped me realize my own greatness, to embody it and walk with confidence and bravado. It allowed me to go into my post-degree job search with my head held high, trusting that all the lessons I had learned would lead me to professional success. Yuuri and Victor walked through life with me, two shadows of my own psyche, two people who helped me understand myself.

The first few months of the job were fine. Then things became less than fine, and then continued to descend into the kind of mundane nightmare that only multinational corporate legal firms could manifest. Setting Sun, a story about love and self-acceptance and joy, began to twist around in on itself. I don’t want to go into detail, but suffice to say that I spent nearly two years being gaslit and abused, told I was worthless, constantly having panic attacks as I desperately tried to exert control over things that were way over my head. My body betrayed me; I was in so much pain I couldn’t walk, so stressed I couldn’t bring myself to eat unless I’d smoked weed to calm the nausea. I began to believe that I had peaked in grad school, that I was fooling myself, that I was going to be trapped in that cubicle for the rest of my life, doing grunt work without challenge or interest, in the kind of workplace where you get reported to HR for sighing too loudly. That is a thing that actually fucking happened to me; nobody asked why I might be sighing, and nobody stopped by to check in when I spent most days in tears. This was a place where less than half the people in the room put up their hands when asked if they had ever been creative as kids. This was a place where I almost never got to see the sun.

Because I was massively overqualified and even more massively underworked, I spent a lot of 2018 writing fanfic--my zine pieces, my zutara pieces, all sorts of creative things. I also began to write horror AUs; two stories, in particular, gained a fair amount of traction on this particular platform. When I look back now, I see them for the coping mechanisms that they were; in the case of the crossroads AU, where Yuuri is willing to sell his soul to the devil just to escape his commute, it wasn’t even particularly subtle. I poured all my energy into creative pursuits; it’s been my outlet my whole life, and for a while it helped. By the time I hit the SCP-9874 AU, I burned out so profoundly and utterly that it destroyed my relationship to YOI and cauterized the pieces. SCP-9874 was one of the most creative things I’ve ever done, but it also involved what is, in hindsight, a shocking level of violence and horror inflicted on these characters who were such a close part of me. I was doing this to them because I was hurting, all the time. I now recognize it as the cry for help that it was, and to this day I fantasize about taking down all the SCP-9874 posts and excising that portion of my legacy as much as possible.

I wrote Setting Sun’s 21st chapter in honour of my 30th birthday, in late January of 2019. Somehow, at the time, I didn’t realize how rough it was. How much it implied about me and how I was doing. How much it reflected the true extent of the damage I was suffering. I left Victor and Yuuri in an abandoned apartment with more questions than answers and more regrets than they or I had ever thought possible, and I thought, somehow, that this was a good turning point. Little did I know at the time that the worst was still to come.

I was able to finally escape that toxic office last October, when I found a new job that paid nearly double and was everything I wanted to do in life and more. But Yuri on Ice hurt too much to think about, even as time marched forward and I began to heal. I had PTSD flashbacks to the old office; I dealt with echo upon echo of terror that everything would fall away to reveal I was trapped in the same old nightmare again. In January 2020, I actually took a few days off for my birthday and reread Setting Sun from the beginning, and I’d somehow forgotten how funny it is, how sweet it is, how hopeful. I had completely forgotten; it had been burned away by twenty months of agony. That realization hurt more than all the other ones put together, I think. I had a good long cry over that.

Fast forward to now, and people have started to find Setting Sun again. They’ve found it on and off in the months since I updated, and for a very long time I would read the truly lovely comments people wrote--thanking me for writing it, hoping I’d come back someday, wishing me well wherever I was--and I would dissolve into tears because I just...couldn’t. I couldn’t bear to go back to this story that I could no longer recognize myself in. And nowadays, when new commenters come, I will warn them about that last chapter I wrote, because I can recognize it as the outlier it is.

But something has very recently changed.

I couldn’t necessarily tell you exactly what. Maybe it’s that I passed the one-year mark at my new job, and the last of the poison has finally been excised. Maybe it’s because I’m looking at all my writing with new eyes as I prepare to try doing this for a living. Maybe it’s because it’s 2020, and the rules aren’t really relevant anymore. I don’t know. But I can say that, two weekends ago, I opened Setting Sun, and realized that it didn’t seem impossible anymore. I realized that the boys had been through more than enough. We’ve been through more than enough. We deserve the happy ending I always planned to give them, going back four whole years when I first planned out this massive weird tale.

It’s been a very long time. It’s been exactly long enough.

I can’t promise exactly when the final chapter of Setting Sun will arrive. I’m walking back onto previously thin ice, and my footsteps are more than a little hesitant, so as not to cause any undue cracks. But I can remember the joy and humour and fun again; I can conceive of jokes and silliness and sweetness again. My playlist is filling up again, with songs of hope and love instead of anguish and sorrow. The Yuuri and Victor who sit inside my heart are skating; the music is carrying them, the wind is rushing past their ears, their feet feel light again and they want to jump and take flight and make beautiful things.

I have bookended this post with lyrics from a song that’s been on the maybe list for Setting Sun for nearly as long as Setting Sun has existed. It’s a song I love quite profoundly, a song that means a lot to me personally, but I could never manage to make it fit. It’s a song about running away to the big bright city, about being broken on the world’s wheel, and about realizing you just want to go home. It’s a song that’s ostensibly about the tragedy of this process, but right now I’m sitting at my desk, listening to the line I, I, I wanna go back, back, back, back, with grateful tears running down my face, and I’m realizing that it’s not part of Yuuri’s story, nor Victor’s; it’s part of mine. Home may never be the same as when you left, but that doesn’t mean it isn’t waiting for you with open arms.

So that’s what happened.

Put my body on a wagon And carry me off to the ocean Let me float on into the eastern sun Out where tomorrow has just begun Where I used to be wild, back in my time Now I just fight to sleep at night So render me up into the elements Lay me in a light that I can trust Lay me in a light that I can trust Lay me in a light that I come from...

(Gold Teeth, by Hey Rosetta!)

#personal #yuri on ice #writing #minimally edited

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strife-and-discord · 5 years

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Can’t You See!

Read on AO3 here

Characters: Natsuo Todoroki, Enji Todoroki, Poor random office lady

Summary: Every year the number one hero is required to hold the annual Pro Heroes Gala. For the first time, this means Endeavour and he would like to have all his children there for the event, however, he's having a little trouble getting in contact with Natsuo. Oh well, surely he won't mind if Endeavour drops in on him while he's at college, right?

A/N: Okay, I'm gonna start with the nasty business by saying: THIS STORY IS BY NO MEANS AN ENDEAVOUR REDEMPTION and I don't think Endeavour particularly deserves to be forgiven. However, I don't think it's a bad thing that he's trying to be a better person, we should all try to be better people, and what this story is trying to show a bit is how Endeavour's efforts to be a better hero look from the outside. If you try to start discourse here I will delete your comments.

Oof, now that's over: I have been on such a Natsuo kick lately and I've been struggling on a zine piece so I decided to write this. I'm really in love with the quirkless Natsuo theory because I feel like it would round out the Todoroki family and make Natsuo's character more interesting.

I am a high school student in Australia and I know jack shit about college in Japan so don't @ about the absolutely false details in this fic alright.

Small and sleep deprived college students scatter as the hulking Flame Hero Endeavour storms his way up the path to the college’s main entrance, not even looking back at the wreckage he left behind him. The toppled students gaze up at him in awe, wondering what the de facto number one hero could possibly be doing at their school. Endeavour wasn’t really the sort of hero you invited to do education speeches and certainly not inspirational speeches, so most figured he must be here to arrest someone. Although it’d have to be pretty damn serious for to turn up.

There is no doubt that Endeavour is a man on a mission as he continues to stride straight through the doors of the college, only deigning to put out his flames right as he enters. Still, that was more than he usually did. At the slam of the door, the tired office lady looks up to see who could possibly be causing such a ruckus, only just managing to pull back before she scolds the number one hero for slamming doors.

Snapping her mouth shut she tries to pull herself together enough to go through the usual motions. Although she can’t quite keep herself from staring at him wide-eyed. She may not be a huge Endeavour fan, but it’s not like you get such a high ranking hero visiting you every day. And seeing that nasty scar of his up close in person…

She jostles herself. Now is not the time to be thinking about such things.

“Uh… How can I help you today, sir?” She winces at the way she fumbles the start

The way the huge man looks down at her, she can’t help but feel a bit like an ant in his path. Although she can’t help but notice that The Flaming hero doesn’t look as angry as she has him on telly before. She had heard rumours of Endeavour supposedly acting softer than he had as number two, could they actually be true?

“I am here to see my son who attends here,” The man booms just a little too loudly, “Can you tell me where I can find him?”

The office lady goes back to gaping at him. She’s fairly sure it would be well known among the staff if Endeavour's son was attending. If only because the big bosses would be all over the famous hero’s wallet. And she thought his kid was in UA? Did he have other children? She still checks the database for any Todorokis but unsurprisingly comes up empty.

“I’m s-sorry sir but we don’t have anyone by the name Todoroki here, are you sure you have the right college?” It isn’t easy asking arguably the most aggressive pro hero if he’s made a mistake.

A very large, fist slams down on the desk and she flinches back comically before it slowly retracts.

“I’m sorry, that was unnecessary. I’m sure this is the school my son attends, his name is Todoroki Natsuo can you please check again.”

The office lady is still certain that there are no Todorokis here but the name Natsuo does ring a bell, and she’s starting to get an inkling as to what may be going on here. She searches the database again but with the name Natsuo and successfully gets a hit this time. Now… How to break the news to Endeavour.

“We still don’t have any Todorokis enrolled but we do have a Nanase Natsuo.”

Endeavour’s face changes as soon as she says it, she’s not sure how to describe how he looks but sombre may be a good place to start. Then, he says quietly then she’s ever heard him before, “Yes… That will be him.” He pauses for a slightly awkward moment. “Nanase was his mother’s maiden name.”

There is obviously something deeper there but she is definitely not going to pry. She had heard the rumours.

“Ahem, uhh…” she clears her throat awkwardly and looks back down at her computer, “Well, in that case, Natsuo should be doing a peer-assisted study session right now in Rec room one.”

It occurs to her that considering this is Endeavour’s first time here, he probably has no idea where that is. She reaches under the table and pulls out one of the maps kept there for new students and guests.

She opens the map up to Endeavour, “You just need to go straight from here, take a left, follow this path until you see the door that says Recreational Room One and he should be in there,” she traces the path for him from the office on the map.

Endeavour nods along at the instructions before looking at her, “Thank you, I appreciate your help greatly. I’ll be on my way now.” And with that, he heads to the door.

“Good luck!” The office lady calls out to his retreating form. She sits for a moment in an attempt to try and process what had just happened and only realises after he is long gone that she forgot to have him sign in as a guest. Oh well, He’s the number one hero, what’s the worst that could possibly happen?

_______________

Natsuo’s struggling to concentrate today. There are a few more people than usual and he keeps getting distracted by various conversations. Nonetheless, if he wants to spend more time hanging out with Shouto on weekends, he actually has to finish his work in a timely manner for once. The old man hasn’t been doing anything to stop them from seeing each other so Natsuo’s taking full advantage of it to better get to know his little brother. It’s a bit of a new experience, seeing as he’d really only ever been a younger brother to Touya. But Touya isn’t around to be a big brother anymore and Natsuo has been neglectful enough to Shouto as it is.

Natsuo politely tells the others that he needs to stop talking to them if he wants to get this work done before putting his head back down to the book in front of him. He probably manages to get a solid half hour of work done before there’s an aggressively loud knock at the door that completely startles him out of his zone. Is there an emergency or something? Who on earth could feel the need to knock like that?

Everyone else seems to think the same thing as they all look at the door with expectation as an older student pushes himself towards the door with a sigh. For some reason, Natsuo can’t help but feel a vague sense of impending doom.

The reason for that is very clear when the door opens to reveal his… dad. It feels weird to even think of him like that, but it feels weird to call him Enji as well? Regardless of what Natsuo should call him, what the hell was he doing here!? He’d never shown any interest in Natsuo’s education before, or Natsuo in general, but it seemed unlikely that there would be some sort of villainous issue coincidentally in the same room that Natsuo’s currently in.

There’s a crushingly awkward silence as everyone in the room tries to process the presence of the number one hero, and Natsuo tries to sink down in his chair enough to be unnoticeable. Something that is hard to do when you have a similar build to freakin’ Endeavour.

The student at the door finally seems to accept the hulking figure in front of him and comes back to himself, “Uhh… hello Mr Endeavour, sir…” He does nothing to hide his disbelief.

However, disbelief has always done nothing but fuel Endeavour more. “I am here to talk to my son if that’s alright. I was told he might be here.” Natsuo sinks further into his chair.

He’d heard from Fuyumi that the old man had been trying to contact him lately, which of course Natsuo has him blocked in every way possible, but he never thought he’d do something as outright ridiculous as hunting him down at school.

One positive, at least, is that Enji is so used to saying “my son” and having people automatically know he means Shouto, that he doesn’t even think to refer to Natsuo by name, so there’s still a chance Natsuo could avoid this confrontation.

‘I... uhh… Are you… sure you hav-” Endeavour cuts in before the poor guy can even finish, “His name is Natsuo, you may know him by Nanase.” Shit. He must’ve figured it out at the front office. Of course, pretty much every kid in here knows him, and of course, as soon as the name’s out every head in the room swivels toward him like a herd of meerkats on the nature channel. Even Endeavour is looking over at him now, following everyone’s gazes, and Natsuo lets himself sigh in defeat. If this is how it’s all going to end for him, he’d like to make one final stand.

Natsuo rises from his chair, head held high, and marches towards his father with as much pride and intimidation as he can muster at this point. He can feel every eye in the room on him as he makes his way on what feels like a dramatic quest at this point. He sets his face in a glare aimed towards his father and as he reaches him he puts his hands out towards him and shoves with all his might.

“Let’s take this outside,” he commands. In the back of his mind, he thinks that this must be what Shouto means when he talks about going plus ultra.

To Natsuo’s surprise, and probably to Enji’s as well, He actually manages to move him. Endeavour stumbles backwards out the door and for a moment Natsuo worries he’s pushed too hard and he’s gonna be attacked for shoving the number one hero to the ground but thankfully he manages to hold his ground.

Natsuo shuts the door behind him and does his best to face his father expectantly while he regains his footing. It doesn’t take long for Endeavour to be back at his full height and staring Natsuo down. Suddenly, the plus ultra moment is gone and he feels like a little kid vying for his father’s attention again. But that doesn’t mean he can back down yet.

“What the actual hell are you doing here!?” Natsuo demands.

Enji just looks at him in a pondering manor before completely ignoring his question, “You’re going by your mother’s name?” The way he asks it makes Natsuo feel like it’s a question.

“Yes. I am. And you just exposed me to that entire room! Back to my question, why are you here?”

Enji at least seems willing to let the topic go for now, although Natsuo can tell this won’t be the end of that particular of discussion.

“As you are most likely aware, the number one hero is required to arrange and host the annual pro hero gala. Your sister and I have been working together to arrange this year’s and it would mean a lot to me to have all my children there. I came here to deliver your invitation personally”

Natsuo just stares at his father blank-faced. Having all of them at a gala like that would absolutely mean that Enji would have to officially present him and Fuyumi to the other heroes and the media. He would have to acknowledge their existence. And the fact that he came personally to his college just to give him the invitation makes it seem like he’s actually pretty serious about this.

“Why on earth do you think I would agree to that?”

“I understand that you won’t come for my sake so at the very least I ask that you come for your sister’s. She worked very hard on this and it would mean a lot to her for her siblings to see it and be there with her.”

Damn. That was a pretty good reason. And it’s exactly the sort of thing Fuyumi would actually say to him so either Enji’s gotten to know her really well in the span of a few weeks or she actually said that to him. He’s certain Fuyumi will go to the party meaning she’ll probably be able to convince Shouto to go as well. Also meaning that it would be a dick move for Natsuo to just abandon them there.

Natsuo can feel the fight draining out of him. He promised he was going to be a better brother from now on and that he wouldn’t run away when his siblings needed him. God knows he did more than enough of that as a child and if he hadn’t maybe Shouto would smile more today. Maybe they’d still have Touya.

“Fine… I’ll go. Hand me the invite,” Natsuo holds his hand out.

Enji holds out a deep crimson envelope with gold decal flowers nicely placed along the front framing the invitee’s name, which in this case says Natsuo Todoroki, a name that Natsuo hasn’t seen in a while.

“I’m glad you’ve come to that decision Natsuo. I look forward to seeing you at the gala.”

“Can you just go now,” Natuso snaps tiredly, “You’ve done enough damage here as it is.”

Enji hesitates for a moment before giving a soft nod of his head and turning to walk back down the path. Before he leaves, he turns his head back to Natsuo one last time.

“Why not use the family name?” He calls.

Natsuo can’t help but scoff, “And spend the rest of my life being Endeavour’s Qirkless Son? Haven’t you seen how much much Shouto’s been struggling to get out from under your shadow? I’d rather just be Natsuo.”

Enji finally takes his leave and Natsuo can’t help but give a sigh of relief when he turns the corner. Still staring at the envelope Natsuo goes to head back into the rec room but as soon as he starts opening the door he here’s the sound of nosey brats rushing back to their seats. Natsuo opens the door to a whole room of students looking at him with something akin to awe in their eyes.

One of the older students pipes up from the back, “So are we gonna be calling you Todoroki from now on?”

#bnha #mha #boku no hero academia #my hero academia #todoroki shouto #todoroki enji #endeavor #natsuo todoroki #the words of me

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nicolecadet · 5 years

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GW2 2018 Wintersday Zine - Journeys

Last year I got the opportunity to contribute to the GW2 fanzine Wintersday Zine “Journeys” by the GW2 Artist Collective. It was something I really wanted to be a part of as Guild Wars 2 is my favourite game, something I have invested a number of hours since it launched in 2012. When I was asked to pick up for a collaboration I immediately said yes. I had a few commissions happening on the side, but I made space in my calendar so that I could focus on the zine.

The collaboration process was similar to doing a commission, and because I had slightly compressed time frames due to coming on a month after the other artists I needed to be prepared. I worked with writer Jasmine Daggs (I don’t think she has any social media, otherwise I’d link to her!). The process went through several stages of feedback, redlines, and revisions, but ultimately I was able to produce work that I was happy with.

There are a few things I’d do differently, given that the game showed the Mists during the Living World episodes - If I’d seen them earlier, the Falling piece may have been somewhat different. Drawing Cantha was hard. I’ve played a small amount of GW1 Factions, but the screenshots and playthroughs I watched, the architecture was overwhelmingly red, and there was a fine line between trying to capture the essence of Cantha, while not looking too much like a copy of SE Asian/ Chinese architecture.

Also, translating game armour into actual moving, articulated armour is not simple. Game characters have limited detail, and while I tried to stay true to the designs, some things had to be modified to look more realistic, without losing the integral design.

So what do I think about fanzines and collaborations?

Participate if you are passionate about the fandom. I’d not done much GW2 art, mainly because my schedule had been so full that there was little time or energy for personal art. I’d also gone through a long period of being creatively burnt out. Working to spec was ok as there was a start and end point and structure, but personal paintings I’d just blankly look at the page and not feel happy with anything I’d done

Look at the projects that have been done by the collective to try and get a feel for how professional members are. GW2 Artist Collective (which is now under Alchemy Art Group) is run by a passionate group of people, namely Melanie Sayre and Sara Squires, with the team providing feedback and high quality products. Otherwise, join the discord groups, interact with the fan art communities… you’ll get a feel for whether you want to apply or just hang with the community.

Ask questions if you are unsure.

Take on feedback if it is offered - critique is a great process when done properly. I had some red-lines done where another artist corrects aspects of a sketch, which actually saved me time. Some of the poses were overly dramatic for a more narrative effect. I work rough ideas and then gather the references for poses, and because I normally work with private commissions, the art direction generally is the client selecting sketches or providing additional information.

Most of all, have fun with it! Remember why you are doing it. For Wintersday Zine there was the charity side of the project, and there was also the fact it was officially sponsored by ArenaNet, the games’ developer

I also got to play with some design issues that I loved from the Guild Wars concept art. Kekai Kotaki and Richard Anderson (Flaptraps) have been two of my favourite artists for a long time, and trying to channel stylistic aspects was fun.

For some behind the scene sketches, you can visit my ArtStation page

#GW2 #Guild Wars 2 #commissions #game art #fantasy art #warriors #heart of thorns #revenant #sword fight

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emsykesillustration · 6 years

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Future Self: Part 2

Looking forward to this next unit, my final unit (!), I’m revisiting my previous Future Self work - covering craft beers. I enjoyed this unit so much, and really managed to channel my visual language, interests, and subject matter here. Looking at feedback I received, there are a few things I can improve on. I need to use colour more sophisticatedly, and having the extra time to consider more specific design elements other than the basis of the zine itself will allow me to create a really cutting edge piece of work, that represents me. The posters I made as secondary pieces of work were okay, but they reused work and I need to come up with something more innovative, that boasts my visual language and learned skillset of beer culture and design - I’m thinking of illustrating new and successful work from the unit onto beer mats, merchandise, or bottle labels. I may even redesign a whole brand! Type was a big one. I wanted to capture the casualness, note-y kind of inexpert manner of the zine’s purpose, but I think it’s let my visual work down a little. Finding the right type and just giving the zine a re-jig, re colour and applying a nice scheme will up its professional-ness - the (Re)Collection unit really helped me get to grips with branding and authenticity, and I’m so excited to use new skills and styles learned and put them into this unit! The photographic content needs to be more consistent - I’m going to retake photos of all of the beers I tried, and get them into a really nice, professional context. I got good feedback on my acknowledgements page, that the colours, and photos applied worked really well, so I’ll keep those the same.

Pages such as Bluebird Bitter, and the facts pages need completely redoing, or taking out with better content putting in. New type will make it much better, but the layout definitely needs sorting, as I’ve evolved so much more since then. It’s crazy!

I’ve also drunk much more beer since then, found new breweries, tried newer beers and styles, and found out so much more. I’m going to see if I can cover a little more! The map of beer I covered was great, but I think Jo’s suggestion of letting that be an actual fold-out unit of the book will give it a more ‘mappy’ feel, and a larger size will allow it to look better. Time to get to it!

#fsp2 #pdp

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houstonlocalus-blog · 7 years

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Houstonian Tales: Lauren Eddy

Lauren Eddy. Photo: Hanna Gonzales

Twenty years ago in this town, you wouldn’t have seen too many people champion the efforts of women in the music industry. It’s pretty vile when you think about it, but that’s just the way things were, unfortunately. However, unless you’ve been living under a rock lately, it’s pretty hard not to notice all that women have been doing for the music scene in Houston and throughout the country. You also wouldn’t have given much thought to Galveston having much of a thriving music community twenty years ago, either. In fact, you probably wouldn’t have given it much thought a decade ago. While Lauren Eddy isn’t the only person booking shows on the island, her efforts through Wake The Zine shouldn’t go unnoticed. The monthly zine, which can be found at various shops like Deep End Records, Insomnia, and Wired Up, is a calling card to DIY culture and making the most of wherever you live. Through the zine and her band EL LAGO, she’s proving that she can not only write about music, but make some of the most intriguing music coming out of our area today. On the heels of finishing their debut album, Free Press Houston caught up with one of the strongest scene builders and artists you ought to get acquainted with.

Free Press Houston: Where are you from? You weren’t born in Galveston, correct?

Lauren Eddy: I’m originally from Texas City, right across the Bay, but the Irish side of my family has old roots in Galveston. I’ve lived here for five years now.

FPH: You co-produce the DIY zine, Wake The Zine for the Galveston area. What made you decide to start doing the zine and how long have you been making it for?

Eddy: It was a solo project at first, but a small team coalesced around it. My good friend Jorja Montgomery became the co-editor and did layout for a solid year, but she is currently on break. Grant Loomis and Lisa Gulesserian will be working on layout and editorial duties with me now.

I started making the zine because the shows here felt so underground. Only this small social circle knew or cared, and I was hoping to broaden that circle and bring people out to shows. I made the first issue in October 2015. That was before I met Dan Schmahl, who runs Super Hit Press in Galveston. It’s more fun now with the Risograph printing process.

FPH: You’ve gotten to land some pretty strong interviews, especially for the zine world. Have there ever been times when you couldn’t get someone you wanted to interview, or has there ever been a time when you landed an interview that you didn’t think you would?

Eddy: We did have an interview declined for the first time! Julian Jimenez, who is a longtime contributor, is a go-getter and tried to interview Clem Burke, the drummer from Blondie. We were hosting the Split Squad and Dressy Bessy at the local VFW Hall, but Julian said he just couldn’t seem to engage Burke in a conversation. Honestly, I can only begin to imagine how that rewires your brain socially — you know, to have that level of celebrity. I don’t blame him one bit. I think it could happen to anyone. Or maybe he isn’t supposed to do interviews unless they go through certain channels. I have no idea! I didn’t assign that one though. I think I’m really most interested in up-and-coming bands and local bands.

FPH: The zine also produces shows in Galveston. What was the catalyst in putting shows together and about how many have you done now?

Eddy: The collective has hosted about 20 shows now, the majority of which I’ve had the pleasure of booking. I love putting lineups together! There’s a lot of room for intuition and imagining how things might go together. And I tend to book gender diverse lineups because it feels so much more natural to me.

Before the zine, I was trying to bring in bands through EL LAGO. Starting out, Galveston was the only scene we felt like we had access to, although Houston feels like such a welcoming place now! It means so much to be included. I never thought that anyone in Houston would care about the zine or the band at all, you know?

FPH: Is there ever a time when it feels like people on the island don’t get what you’re trying to do down there with the zine and the shows, or have they been pretty receptive?

Eddy: The first year blew me away! I was shocked to move 300 copies every month, even if they are free. People don’t have to pick it up, but they do. And I’d never had a sparsely attended show until very, very recently — which is pretty wild!

It’s been a little more trying for me personally this year. With any project, it’s all about the chemistry and momentum, and that will kind of ebb and flow. I had to discuss a values issue with one guy who I was working with, and that wasn’t fun. He couldn’t really dialogue about it. Sometimes people don’t understand why things like that are so important to me.

I still appreciate Galveston so much. I’m muscling through for now with the amazing friends who still give a lot of their time and energy to make the zine and the shows happen. Every single person who comes out, I appreciate so much. I try not to “expect” anything or take it for granted.

FPH: For people who don’t know, where can people grab a copy of Wake The Zine, and how often does it come out?

Eddy: We’re trying to get back on schedule with a combined June/July issue, so we hope to get it out the first week of each month for the rest of 2017. Most of the zines stay in Galveston at MOD Coffeehouse, but I also take some over to Deep End Records and I send some to the Miss Champagne online distro. I also need to upload some past issues to our website soon.

EL LAGO. Photo: Jordan Asinas

FPH: You also front the band EL LAGO, who has had quite the year since this time last year. Is it hard coming up for shows so frequently when you have to make the drive back to Galveston each time?

Eddy: It can be pretty brutal! The roads do feel dangerous late at night. One time we pulled up to our building in Galveston, and Charlie and I heard this truck come screeching down Market Street. There was some kind of drunken fight at Buckshot. We heard this sound like a gunshot, so we dropped our gear on the sidewalk, left the car door wide open into the street, and ran inside to duck for cover like it was a drive-by. I heard afterward that it was the sound of a rock being thrown at the man’s windshield. That will make more sense if you’ve seen some of the crumbling sidewalks here! He hit a pole and left his bumper on our curb, so I’m glad we dropped everything and ran.

Funny, there was a similar place my grandpa told us about. When he was growing up, there was this place downtown called the Imperial Club, and it was modeled after a saloon. They called it “The Blood Bucket.” Thankfully, there are cops outside Buckshot just waiting for it now.

FPH: El Lago has been in the studio working with Austin Sepulvado of Buxton and Dollie Barnes, as well as with Steve Christensen. How did that come about and was it difficult working with two seasoned veterans as them?

Eddy: I met Austin at one of our early Houston shows. I believe you had told him to check us out, so thank you! I had fallen out-of-touch with Houston music, so I was so happy to discover this new wave of incredible artists like Dollie Barnes, VODI, Rose Ette, Ruiners, Black Kite and so many more! Austin has worked with Steve a lot and we talked about working together on our first release. He did production and added perfect, subtle synth parts.

Steve and Austin are both a total pleasure to work with! I’ve only been playing electric guitar for about three years now, and some guitarists will try to pick holes in your playing or push their ego at you, but I never have to be defensive with Austin. I ask him lots of questions, and he recommended a guitar tech, James Love, who set up the tremolo piece on my Mustang. I’ve really enjoyed that.

Steve is the best imaginable person to work with, and I also adore his cats, Black Cat and Other Cat, even though I am allergic and was on meds the whole time! He’s such an ace! And he has his workflow down so smoothly! It’s to the point where you might not know how much of the weight he is carrying because it’s so seamless.

FPH: I know that the album is pretty much done already, do you guys have a release date and a title or are you still working that out?

Eddy: It’s our first time to go through this process, so I really need to do my homework. We’re talking with Jessica at Miss Champagne about doing the tape release, and I can’t think of anyone I’d rather go through! We love Jessica, and it would be really special to us to be on the same label as so many local bands we love. We’re not sure about the title yet. Maybe Colors?

Lauren Eddy. Photo: Hanna Gonzales

FPH: As a woman in the music industry, who fronts a band, who writes music, who produces shows and your own publication, do you ever feel like it’s tougher to get respect than it is for a guy to get it who maybe does less than you do?

Eddy: There was some initial skepticism toward me, but it got better from there. I got the most skepticism as an electric guitarist, because there weren’t any women doing that in Galveston at the time, that I knew of. It really hasn’t been an issue since. No one has asked me if I’m a roadie or a girlfriend lately.

The same with the shows I managed. There was some concern early on that I should have a man work the door instead. I was assumed to be “too nice.” Now people are used to seeing me around, and I do have peers like Melanie Stone (India Tigers In Texas) and Sara Sims (Kink Shame) and Catherine Stroud.

I’m still trying to push for change beyond myself. I’ve had a few tough conversations with male friends and peers in my scene regarding language used on stage or in conversations, and some of them have been really understanding and willing to hear a different perspective. I appreciate that so much. Others have been maybe too fragile or too proud to dialogue. I guess it’s a good way to tell who your real friends are! They may not be the most cosmopolitan and they may not always choose the right words… but that they can handle an honest conversation about it and not resent you for challenging them in a heartfelt way.

FPH: You’ve kind of created your own world down in Galveston with everything that you do. Do you ever get overwhelmed with it all or is it just what you do?

Eddy: Oh, for sure! Charlie knows how overwhelmed I get. I think I am a little too private, and my friends don’t always know what I’m feeling or thinking. I strongly need an outside perspective sometimes though! I also want to tell you that you are doing such an essential thing, David, by connecting the Houston area music scene. You work so hard and I think it inspires all of us to keep pushing it forward. Thank you so much for this interview.

It’s definitely inspiring to see one person push so hard for their city to be considered part of the Texas music landscape. Through EL LAGO, Wake, and the shows Eddy is hosting on the island, she’s definitely helping to cement Galveston as a spot for people to catch touring and local bands on the regular. You can read the latest issues of Wake The Zine, here, you can listen to EL LAGO here, and you can see EL LAGO June 30 at the Birthday Club Tour Kickoff show. The all ages event has sets from Holly Halls and Ether Wave as well, with doors at 9 pm and a pay what you want cover, with more information here.

Houstonian Tales: Lauren Eddy this is a repost

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houstonlocalus-blog · 7 years

Text

Houstonian Tales: Lauren Eddy

Lauren Eddy. Photo: Hanna Gonzales

Free Press Houston: Where are you from? You weren’t born in Galveston, correct?

Lauren Eddy: I’m originally from Texas City, right across the Bay, but the Irish side of my family has old roots in Galveston. I’ve lived here for five years now.

FPH: You co-produce the DIY zine, Wake The Zine for the Galveston area. What made you decide to start doing the zine and how long have you been making it for?

FPH: The zine also produces shows in Galveston. What was the catalyst in putting shows together and about how many have you done now?

FPH: Is there ever a time when it feels like people on the island don’t get what you’re trying to do down there with the zine and the shows, or have they been pretty receptive?

FPH: For people who don’t know, where can people grab a copy of Wake The Zine, and how often does it come out?

EL LAGO. Photo: Jordan Asinas

FPH: You also front the band EL LAGO, who has had quite the year since this time last year. Is it hard coming up for shows so frequently when you have to make the drive back to Galveston each time?

FPH: I know that the album is pretty much done already, do you guys have a release date and a title or are you still working that out?

Lauren Eddy. Photo: Hanna Gonzales

FPH: You’ve kind of created your own world down in Galveston with everything that you do. Do you ever get overwhelmed with it all or is it just what you do?

Houstonian Tales: Lauren Eddy this is a repost

0 notes