#i said last night I needed to go to target. my bf didn’t say anything | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

moons-and-stars-and-shit · 3 years

Text

Hiii i saw your matchups/cakes and I LOVE THEM. English is not my first language so i am sorry for any wrong spelings and grammar use lol. Can a Get a boy from Hq?????? I am a capricorn, with a lot of fire sign in my chart. ISTP. Tall girl, 175cm. Dark blond hair to under my shoulders, blue eyes. Lean bulid, but mby a little broad shoulders and waist. Enything else is normal ig. I indeed have cheek bones and jawline, a caps face traits a think. Stretch marked on my ass and things. Im just gonna keep my personality short cuz i dont know how to talk about myself. Im Shy and intro and first, then i will open up and become a messy and late-coming person. Im never on time to anything. Once you know me and logical thinking, feisty, dark humor type of funny, sly, stubborn, determind, strong minded, oberetiv and a daredevil. I will do enything for somthing in return. Nobody can hold me back. I am also a Clumsy person, a will let a word og two slip and offend somone, will break or forget somthing. Im always there my friends, help them out with everthing and my door is always open for them. Street smart all the way, i Can talk about enything and give tips and trix on enything. Im not the Life of the party, in a party im either outside or taking care of Ppl or i am sipping for other ppls drinks. I listen to pop/rock but i Can vibe to anything. I also love pasta. And cats, but im allergic): I overthink a lot, tend to bottle up on my emotions and then just let it burst when im alone. I got bullied as a kid, thats why i keep to myself and have Some close friends and then friends i dont trust that much. I like long lasting realtionships and friendships. I wont settle for somthing that i dont belive will work. I just want to feel safe and loved and held, lol. Am i rly ugly cryer btw so i wont look into another persons eyes. I train a lot, do sport shooting, wresle a lot with my friends and dad in a safe way ofc. I love to have a friendly and funny wtesle. I lough a lot. I said i do sport shooting, and i hate it when ppl take it the wrong way and starts to compare it to illegal activity. That my biggest pet peeve, and loud chewers. I LOVE CHEES AND CARD GAMES. Also late night means and snacks. My favorite time is like late at night, after sundown. Late night walks. Laser tag or paint ball is a must, Water and pillow fights AGH my dreams. Also, just to chill in a bathtub👌🏻✨Pfffff Idk what more. I would like a boy form Haikyuu, whos taller than me. Would be up to my randome and mby dangerous ideas, but also calm and relaxing when it fits the mood. Dosent need to know how to comfort a crying person, just like do the basics and ill be fine. THANK YOU SO MUCH😘

@sussebassen

Romantic Matchup

Tendou Satori

How Y’all Met

Ahhhh

Y’all had a class together

And EVERY SINGLE DAY you would show up late

Every. Single. Day

It doesn’t matter if you we’re 5 minutes late, or 15 minutes late

You never showed up on time

This peeked Tendous interest...

So, he asked you about it

You then explained how you never try to be late, it just always happened

Then one day

Satori was walking to class

The bell was going to ring soon so he was trying to hurry

Then he saw you

You were also just trying to get to class ON TIME for once

But you tripped...

And you fell...

And ALL of your papers went everywhere 🥲

You silently cursed to yourself before rushing to pick up your things

And you we’re startled when a certain redhead began to help you

You guys had gathered all of your things before RUNNING to get to class

And you guys were still able to make it on time 😃

The teacher made a remark that maybe you should hang around Tendou more often if it gets you to class on time

Little did he know that you would do just that

Apparently you both had similar interests

So you guys became really good friends

And feeling began to bloom over time

Poor bb was to scared to confess to you tho :(

He didn’t want to scare off one of the only friends he had

Of course he told all of this to Ushijima

And of course Ushijimas LOUD MOUTH

spilled the beans

Unintentionally of course

But still

He just didn’t get the gist that all of this was supposed to be a secret

So one day when he and Tendou were walking together

They saw you

And Ushijima was just like “ah your that person that Tendou likes correct?”

You:😳

Him:🙂

Tendou: 🥲

Tendou then took you aside and properly confessed his feelings

He was 100% sure you were gonna reject him

“I like you too Tendou”

I’m sorry what????

He was SHOCKED

Baffled

Beguiled

But SUPER DUPER HAPPY

he pulled you in for a bone crushing hug

And promised to be the best bf ever

Awww my boy luvs ya

What They Love About You

Ight I’m just gonna say it...

Mans ADORES your stretch marks

He thinks they’re so cool!!!

He often compares you to a tiger because of them

Oof

He LOVES your sense of humor

He also has a darker sense of humor

So you guys mesh very well when it comes to that

Loves that you have the combo of being sly and a daredevil

If there’s one thing satori loves...

It’s pranks

So those traits of yours make pranks so much easier to pull off 😩

He loves how he can talk to you about ANYTHING

He knows that if he’s ever distressed about something he can go to you

So he’s vv grateful for that 🙏

Favorite Things To Do Together

Oh he LOVES to play card games

His favorites is slap Jack

WARNING: he gets REALLY into that game

So he hits HARD

So be prepared...

He 100% swoops you away to stores in the middle of the night

Have you guys been caught sneaking out?

Yes

Was that the last time you did it?

Absolutely not

LASER TAGGGGGG

YOU WILL GET DESTROYED

MANS IS THE KING OF LASER TAG

So just take that L

Also paintball

He’s not that good at paintball

Mans aim is booty

But he still likes to play!

Random Hc

You’d actually be quite shocked on how chill he could be

Like sometimes he just reads his manga sin silence

If you want to talk then sure

But those are the moments he prefers to be quiet

The reason he’s so good at laser tag...

Is because kids used to target him 🥲

So he had to adapt...

And now he’s a pro!

If you ever want to talk to him about your bullyed past

ON GOD mans is always there for you

He knows what it feels like

So his goal is to comfort you when it comes to that

Honestly

Mf chews loud...

So that’s something you’d have to work on 😃

But he’ll try his best to stop if it bothers you THAT much

Astrology

Capricorn + Taurus

When Taurus and Capricorn come together in a love match, it’s a practical, sensible partnership.

These two Signs share a certain down-to-earth logic and interest in efficiency.

Taurus is not interested in risking more than is necessary in terms of emotional connection and involvement, and Capricorn is similarly disinterested in risk, but more in terms of money and career.

Capricorn’s career is one of the great focuses of their lives; they’re interested in scaling the heights and tend to set very high standards for themselves to adhere to.

Taurus has high standards as well, but regarding love, relationships and possessions.

These two signs admire ones dedication and strength, but, while they have this in common as well as a dependable, realistic, somewhat conservative approach to life (Capricorn more than Taurus), a love relationship between them can go stale fast.

The problem? They’re actually rather different at their cores.

Taurus may begin to find Capricorn too conservative and restrictive

Capricorn may start to think Taurus is too lazy and doesn’t care enough about career and status.

If Taurus can encourage Capricorn to relax a little and appreciate the fruits of labor, and if Capricorn can help motivate Taurus to achieve goals and make dreams a reality, their union can be smooth, happy and long-lasting.

Overall Aesthetic

Chaotic Teenage Romance

Songs

Electric Love- BØRNS

Line Without a Hook- Ricky Montgomery

Scrawny- Wallows

Hey Lover- Wabie

#haikyuu!!#haikyuu fandom #haikyuu x y/n #haikyuu hcs #haikyuu x reader #haikyuu headcanons #haikyuu matchups #tendou #tendou x reader #tendou headcanon #tendou x y/n #tendou hcs #tendou satori #submission

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ateezmakemeweep · 4 years

Photo

first time with bf!yunho

word count: 3k

fluff, smut

request

you experienced many firsts with yunho. whether they were innocent or devastating or just plain horrific, he had been by your side for every one.

like on your first day of school when you both stood side by side during line-up, holding back tears as your moms waved goodbye to you. he had towered over you even then, wiping the wetness from his eyes and waving shyly at you.

his quiet, shaky “hi,” made your body cave in on itself, nervous and uncomfortable in the new environment but waving at him nonetheless. because even at five-years-old, you found his presence comforting.

and by the time lunch came around, the two of you were inseparable, sharing crackers and blocks before running out to your moms at three o’clock hand-in-hand.

or your first broken bone that was just two years later, when there was a boy in your class known to bully all of the girls. it’s like he got some sick sort of pleasure from pulling their hair and hearing their cries, hurting almost every female student that was his age.

and on that particular day at recess, you were his target. during a fun game of tag when, with you hot on his tail and about to whack his back, he stuck out his foot and caused you to flop right onto the concrete. the skin had been ripped and oozing blood, your arm hanging in a way that still haunts yunho to this day.

but he signed his name the biggest on your cast, circling the sloppy writing with a heart and designating himself your personal bodyguard during lunch and recess. (and then he confessed to you years later that he gave his first bloody nose to the idiotic boy who tripped you).

your first period was probably the most embarrassing first with yunho, just given the fact that you both were awkward preteens sitting next to a puddle of menstrual blood. because one second you guys were playing video games on his bed and the next, a weird, wet feeling creeped down your leg causing you to jump up and scream.

yunho had laughed at first, celebrating the fact that he had won before his face quickly paled when he looked down at his bed and then your horrified expression.

“y/n, it’s okay,” he had said immediately, comforting you in a way you don’t think any other 12-year-old boy would’ve. but at the time, you could only stand there with your face flaming in embarrassment, tears brimming your eyes.

and when he was about to tell you that he was gonna get his mom and that everything was gonna be okay, you ran out of his house before he could say anything. you cried into your pillow that night and convinced yourself he was gonna hate you, think that you were a gross and disgusting weirdo for the rest of his life.

but then the next day, he had showed up at your house with a chocolate bar and a heated blanket (the same heated blanket you still have to this day). “i heard girls like chocolate when they’re on there...well, yeah you know,” he had laughed out awkwardly, “and this heated blanket is supposed to help, like with the pain or something.”

he had showcased it proudly, his excited smile causing the humiliation inside you to lessen. and then after he demanded a rematch of the game so casually, insisting he didn’t feel right about winning in unfair circumstances, you knew you were gonna have nothing to worry about when it came to him.

your first kiss with yunho was merely practice for both of you. or at least that was the story you had went with. because as the two of you sat in your basement, a slew of comedy movies and snacks taking up your friday night, you’d begun to talk about all the new budding romances in your friend groups.

“she said he french kissed her,” you told yunho, his face pinching into one of disgust.

“is that when you stick your tongue down someone’s throat?”

“i think so, yeah,” you sighed out, shrugging your shoulders as you look back at the television. “they’re french kissing and i haven’t even done normal kissing.”

and after he had confessed he hadn’t done normal kissing either, you both looked at one another before deciding that...

“what if we were each others first kiss?” he said with a smile. “that way we get it over with and if it’s bad, it doesn’t matter because we’re friends.”

you thought about it for a moment, looking at the boy with floppy brown hair and pink cheeks and deciding there were far worse people to have a first kiss with.

it was as awkward and clumsy as most first kisses were, your noses bumping the first time and causing you both to giggle. “i’ll go this way,” you told him, turning your neck way further than necessary and closing your eyes. but it brought success, you suppose, because then your dry lips brushed for a few seconds.

the placement was a bit miscalculated and you were both fairly stiff but the feeling and excitement of it all still made you pull back innocently, wide eyes staring at one another.

your hand then slapped over your mouth as his face morphed into one of utter shock. “was that...did we do it right?”

and even though you were unsure at the time, your racing hearts and clammy hands were an indication that, while you’d done it poorly, you had done it right.

“i think so,” he said, completely baffled by the fact that someone would be able to somehow stick their tongue up in there.

“oh...cool.”

your first heartbreak was when you realized just how much you’ve come to need yunho. because the second he walked through the doors of the funeral parlor, you were hit with an immediate sense of comfort and relief.

he took you outside when you told him you hadn’t been able to look up from your feet, the presence of the casket in front of the room far too much for you to handle. he sat with you on the stoop in the cold air, his arm around you as you cried into him and felt incredibly grateful that he didn’t try to speak to you.

he didn’t ask if you were okay or tell you your grandma was in a better place or beg for you to stop crying. he just held you and stayed beside you the whole time, his lips pressing against your forehead when you finally had the strength to get up.

and then he guided you inside by the small of your back, rubbing the black material of your dress gently before letting you say your goodbyes. and after you did, you sat back down with him and didn’t leave his shoulder for the rest of the night.

“i don’t know what i’d do without you sometimes,” you whispered tearfully. he took your face in his large hands, dabbing at the tears on your cheeks.

“me either,” he mumbles lowly, soft eyes looking right at you before pressing a kiss to the top of your head. he had thought you’d only said that because you were vulnerable, leaning on him as a friend and finding solace in the way he comforted you in your time of need.

but then a few short weeks later, he became your first boyfriend. everything had stemmed from a silly question of truth or dare that night, the inevitable “did you ever have a crush on anyone in this room?” being uttered.

and in the same way it was discovered your friend and yunho’s friend had liked each other for a few years, the tall boy shyly admitted he had once liked you. your eyebrows shot up in surprise, secretly harboring feelings for the boy for half your life but being too scared to ruin the friendship.

but all your friends had just rolled their eyes and clapped mockingly, grumbles of “shocker” and “everyone knew that” before moving on to the next question. so you didn’t get to talk with him until after everyone went home, always being the last to stay at yunho’s and hang out for a little bit of extra time.

“so when did you like me?” you asked teasingly, leaning in to raise your eyebrows playfully.

a strangled chuckle leaves his mouth as he lightly pushes you to the side, the pink flush on his cheeks causing you to smile softly.

“i liked you, too, you know.”

his eyes widen at your confession, the smile lighting up his face causing something warm and fluttery to shoot through your chest. “really? when?”

“hmm,” you mumble, trying to pinpoint the exact time you even realized your feelings for him; it always just felt like they were there from the second you met him, realizing how special and sweet he was. but you suppose you really started to realize “maybe during the time my grandma passed away. like i always knew i needed you but that kind of made it really obvious.”

yunho nods his head, remembering that time incredibly well. he had always felt like he was taking advantage of your emotional state, allowing himself to be there for you in the way he always knew he wanted to because you needed him.

“same,” he says honestly, “maybe even before that though, honestly. it feels like it’s been forever.”

a small giggle leaves your mouth as you nod, laying down to rest your head on his lap. he doesn’t even bat an eye as he looks down at you, smiling up at him and feeling his hands in your hair.

a few moments of silence pass, his eyes looking into yours like he wants so badly to tell you something but hesitance and anxiety and the fear of vulnerability are holding him back. “can i tell you something?” he eventually mumbled lowly.

you nod against his lap, looking up at him with wide eyes that are inevitably what made him crack.

“i...still might like you,” he says lowly, the pink spreading on his cheek only further heightening how pure and juvenile the confession is. “but if you don’t feel the same, we can act like this never happened. i just might be-”

“i like you too,” you tell him, straight-forward and confident because you’ve been waiting for this moment for so long.

you laugh when he acts completely shocked, his eyes wide and repetitive “really?” throughout the rest of the night and your constant assurance that yes, you really really like him making him smile proudly.

you spent the night the way you always did with him, giggling and teasing with your head on his shoulder or his hand in yours. and then at the end of the night, he asked you to be his girlfriend with that cute pinkness on his cheeks.

the same pinkness on his cheeks there now, five months later, as you two fumble on his bed together. all open mouthed kisses as you straddle him, the familiar feeling of his hardness underneath you, your moans swallowed by him as his large hands kneads at your ass.

bringing in the sexual component of your relationship had been surprisingly easy, hugs and hand-holding exchanged for kissing and lapping tongues. but that’s as far as it got, making out and grinding, because you guys were almost always interrupted whether it be by ringing phones or nosy adults.

but tonight, yunho’s parents were out of town and the air was growing thicker in his room, your hips grinding down on him as you rub against him and let out a tiny moan.

“y/n,” he groaned out, “please be careful, love.” because between the feel of you on him and the sound your moans, he felt himself losing it.

“why?” you hum quietly, disconnecting your lips to trail them down his neck. “don’t you wanna?”

his large, strong hands pull you off of him and onto your back. his figure looms above you, his arms holding himself up as his heated gaze looks down at you.

“of course i do,” he says, his finger tracing your red, puffy lips. “but are you ready? i don’t want you to feel like we have to just because the house is-”

“i want to, yunho,” you whine, arching your back as you feel that wet, needy feeling growing within you. “i want you. i’ve wanted you for months.”

he swallows the lump in his throat, overwhelmed by the sight of you flushed and withering underneath him. because he wants you too, has wanted you so for long and can’t even believe it’s actually about to happen.

but he also needs making sure you really want too, that you’re not just seeing this as an opportunity to not be interrupted and-

“stop thinking,” you whine to him, wrapping your arms around him and pulling him down. “i’m ready, i promise.” and it’s with those words that he looks at you, squinting his eyes to triple check before smiling when you poke his cheek.

and that’s how your first time with yunho starts, gentle kisses and soft touches as he slides down your leggings and underwear. the cold air hits your skin and you let out a shaky breath, tugging at the bottom of his shirt and biting your lip when he exposes his broad shoulders.

“what?” he asks shyly, like he has anything to be insecure or embarrassed about.

but you only answer by discarding your own shirt and pulling his pants down, pushing him on his back and taking his cock in your hand. it’s just as big as you expected from feeling it underneath you and grinding your core against it.

you hum in excitement, looking up at him as your tongue swirls around the tip. “baby,” he croaks out, your mouth pulling into a smirk before taking him in fully. you listen to the sounds of his loud groans and pants, his hand fisting your hair and hips just barely bucking into your mouth.

you gag when his large length hits the back of your throat, a strangled apology leaving his mouth that only makes you bob your head faster. you lick and suck and twirl your tongue skillfully, thinking about all the times you wanted his cock in your mouth before you got interrupted.

and the eagerness seems to be too much for him, because you feel his legs tense and hips buck again before pulling your head back slightly by your hair.

“y/n, that feels so fucking good,” he grunts out, “but i wanna come in you, baby, please.”

and you want that too so you nod your head sweetly, wiping at your wet mouth and then squealing when your pushed onto back.

“but first, let me play,” he mumbled lowly in your ear, your eyes widening when his large hands and long fingers snake down your stomach and over your slit. the wetness makes him smirk, placing a kiss on your neck as he places his finger on your clit.

the next few moments are bliss, your legs shaking and spread as you begin to pant and whine under him. your breathy moans of “oh my god” only seem to spur him on, toying at your clit and making even more wetness gather at your thighs.

“you’re being so good, baby,” he grunts out, “such a good, wet girl for me.”

and like it’s a reward, his finger slides into you and you a loud moan escapes your mouth. they only grow louder and longer as you become consumed by pleasure, his fingers pumping in and out of you as his thumb frantically rubs over your clit.

“yunho, please, oh, my fucking go- i’m gonna-”

he feels you clench around his fingers and thinks twice about allowing you to come until he sees your head arch back, fingers grabbing at the sheets as your loud moans and screeches fill the room.

he watches your chest heave up and down, his cock hardening to the point of pain at the sight of you boneless under him. but then your head pops up, face flushed and hair messy, and you lazily smile at him.

“you’re good at that.”

the statement makes him chuckle and kiss you sweetly, his hand running through your hair to pat the sweaty strands down slightly. “are you ready or do you wanna-”

and even in your daze, you roll your eyes and pull him down to deep your kiss. the feel of his cock brushing against your thigh causes excitement to stir between your legs, your hips bucking up as a smirk crosses his lips.

“didn’t know you’d be so eager,” he says, reaching down to trail the tip of his cock across your clit.

“didn’t know you’d be so good,” you counter back. and he only smirks down at you again before taking your cheek in his hand, moving your head so you can look right at him.

“i don’t wanna hurt you,” he says softly, his finger brushing against your warm skin.

“and you won’t,” you say, putting all your trust in him. because you think even if he tried, he wouldn’t hurt you. he would never allow himself too.

but it doesn’t lessen his fears, licking at his lips anxiously before he nods his head. “i’ll be slow. try not to tense, okay?” and slow he was, inching himself in further and further as you do your best to remain relaxed on his bed.

because while the feeling isn’t awful, there is a slight sting that makes you bite the inside of your cheek. but then you feel full and stretched and let out a sigh of relief as yunho rubs at your hip soothingly.

“you okay?” you nod your head at him, all wide-eyed and glossy, and he didn’t think he’d have to stop himself from slamming into you.

“move,” you encourage softly, “i’m okay. i promise.”

the first few stinging thrusts are quickly replaced by something pleasurable, if your whines of “more” and his deep grunts weren’t an indication. and then once he finds his steady thrusts, it’s like everything both has just started and ends.

your legs spread wider as you claw at the back of his hair, watching his broad shoulders above you as he pushes himself in and out of you. he grunts out “i love you” just as he hits a spot deep within you that causes you to see stars, your own whiney, breathy love confession filling the room.

you come when his finger goes back to your clit and rubs along it, the sound you yelping his name causing him to release inside you. and if you weren’t so dazed by two orgasms, the sound of his heavy breathing would absolutely have you prepared to go for another round.

but you can only lay there with your eyes closed, wincing when his large length pulls out of you and he drops a kiss on your hip. he cleans between your legs with the shirt on his floor, dapping at the wetness gently as his eyes roam over your body.

“are you okay?” he asks, voice gentle and sweet as he lays back down next to you. your eyes pop open to see him looking at you softly, a smile spreading on your face as you nod your head.

“good,” he says, placing a kiss on your cheek that causes you to giggle. you move over and bury your face in his broad chest, smiling when you feel him drop another kiss on the top of your head.

you spend the rest of the night wrapped in one another, alternating between snacks and movies and more sex. he laughs as you clumsily climb on top of him and try to ride him, lasting for all about ten seconds before the burn of the unfamiliar position has you accepting defeat.

“you know, it’d be a lot easier if your cock wasn’t ginormous,” you grumble, a loud laugh leaving the boy and it was the first time you’ve seen yunho’s face turn that bright a shade of red.

#yunho #yunho smut #yunho fluff #ateez #ateez smut #ateez fluff #request

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sunflowerhae · 4 years

Text

Linger

Episode• 5/8

Mobile Masterlist •

☾ ✎

Authors note• damnnn damn

Warnings• Um, well. Ig, language, mentions of death, mentions of broken nose, Jaemin calls someone a lot of names and says they’re not pretty a lot. Be warned 🥺😔

Songs• one of these nights - Red Velvet/ turning page - sleeping at last/ flowers in December - mazzy star/ linger - the cranberries

•you had been sitting on your porch for an hour

•in a pink dress

•with your hair curled

•and flowers on your heals

•and you were struggling to hold back the tears

•okay backtrack

•it was a Friday

•prom day

•Jaemin had mumbled a week before in your ear while to two were sitting in the library if you wanted to go to prom with him

•it made you laugh

•ofc u said yes

•it was Friday

•and Jaemin was acting so fucking weird today

•he was very clingy

•he refused to let go of your hand unless he absolutely had to

•and he spent like all of lunch just

•staring at you

•the rest of the dreamies we’re acting weird too

•after lunch, they all took their time in hugging you, Miri, and Yerim, really tightly

•even Jisung and Renjun, who hated that shit

•and Jaemin said he couldn’t hang out after school today

•which you got

•you just made sure he knew what time to get you

•and he barely looked at your during that conversation

•and before you two left each other for the day

•he kept asking you to tell him you loved him

•and you had to ask him if he was okay

•and he didn’t say anything

•he just kissed you and walked away

•you knew something was really wrong

•bc he didn’t say he loved you

•but you tried not to dilly dally over it

•he would tell you what was wrong in his own time

•you trusted him

•you were a lil worried tho

•no one was answering your texts except for Yerim and Miri

•none of the dreamies were answering

•they weren’t answering your texts, your calls, or any messages left in the gc

•but they were leaving you on read

•Jaemin wasn’t even reading your messages

•your own bf left you on delivered

•you figured you would ask him when he came and picked you up

•10 minutes late (that’s fine, normal)

•15 minutes late (still, probably didn’t know how to put on his tie. that made you laugh)

•30 minutes late (ok, care troubles, must be)

•45 minutes late (he should have at least called something)

•he was an hour late (jaemin...)

•why?

•you called Yerim, who had been Jeno’s date, and asked her if she had seen Jaemin

•unfortunately, she had

•he was at the prom

•with the dreamies

•Yerim told you Miri was on her way to pick you up

•but you didn’t even want to go at that point

•what was happening?

•maybe he forgot?

•so you finally arrived at the prom

•and what you saw made you actually want to hurl

•Jaemin was there alright

•kissing Cynthia

•from the volleyball team

•in the middle of the dance floor

•with all of the dreamies around them, dancing too

•Jeno saw you come in

•he motioned to hyuck

•who told mark

•who got the attention of Renjun

•who slapped Jisungs arm

•who yelled in chenles ear what was happening

•who then basically yelled it to Jaemin, and the whole senior class

•it was like something out of a movie

•a sea of kids parted

•and there was a straight walk from jaemin to you

•or better yet, from you to Jaemin

•because it was you who moved

•Linger by The Cranberries was playing in the background

•this was the first song you had ever shown Jaemin

•the first song you and Jaemin danced to, in your bedroom

•the first song you two officially made out to, in his car, overlooking your shared spot above the city

•it was you and Jaemins song

•and you thought maybe

•maybe Jaemin would apologize

•make an excuse

•but he looked so cold

•so emotionless

•as he looked at you

•inside Jaemins head

•there was a lot going on

•before he left Jeno’s house towards the prom

•he drank

•a lot

•he definitely didn’t want to remember this night

•so he was feeling a lil drunk

•he locked eyes with all the people that expected him to go through with this bet

•all the people (his friends) that expected him not to

•and the one girl he’s ever loved

•she looked so lost

•and Jaemin wanted nothing more than to break away from Cynthias tight grip on his arm, and hug you, and kiss you, and whisper that he was sorry sorry sorry so sorry

•but he was afraid

•Na Jaemin was a coward

•and he was once more, afraid of losing his reputation

•and suddenly,

•it all threw itself at him

•the harsh world he was brought into,

•the pressure he was under

•it all came and swallowed him whole

•and you were his insecurities new target

•all he saw was red

•”Jaemin? What’s going on?”

•he laughs, but it doesn’t sound sincere. It’s cold, lifeless

•”wow, I always knew you were stupid, But I didn’t think you were that idiotic”

•your blood ran cold

•from the corner of your eye, you can see Jisung turn and look the other way, and Miri and Yerim looking on in absolute horror. Yerim let her arms almost fall from Jeno’s embrace, but he held her tightly, afraid of losing her.

•”what?” You looked so lost, like a little lamb that lost their mother in the woods

•if you were the lamb, Jaemin was the wolf

•”I mean, honestly, did you really think I could like a girl like you?”

•you don’t say anything, too much in shock

•”you are a nobody, and you never will be. I know you thought dating someone like me would suddenly make people like you, but new flash y/n, no one does. I can’t believe I had to fucking date you for 7 months. All you do is whine and complain, you’re so fucking annoying. And no wonder I had to start talking to you after mark tutored you; what with you being so fucking stupid. I think it’s so funny how much you tried, when no one really cared. No one cares about ugly girls that put on ugly dresses to try and be more beautiful when nothing will fix the way you are. No one will ever love you y/n, I certainly didn’t-“

•Jeno had heard enough.

•”Jaemin I think she gets it” he puts a hand on Jaemins chest, but Jaemin just pushes it off, and take a step towards you. He really never knew when to stop

•”what, does that make you cry? Knowing that everytime I said I loved you, I was lying? I never loved you y/n. Never. How could anyone ever love a useless bitch like yourself-“

•”Jaemin, stop, look at the poor girl” hyuck finally stepped in and started whispering in Jaemins ear

•it’s true, you were sobbing so much that your pretty makeup was ruined, and you couldn’t even lift your eyes off the floor.

•”oh, why do you care? You act like you weren’t in on the bet this whole time. All of us were. We all knew this was going to happen, because none of us like you y/n. You know, we used to sit there and laugh about how gullible you were. I’m surprised you even have friends. We certainly weren’t your friends. I bet not even Yerim or Miri really like you. They’re actually cool; beautiful. You’re like the ugly duckling that tags along bc you have no where else to turn. Ugly inside and out.”

•”what bet.”

•honestly, everyone was surprised that you talked.

•Jaemin certainly was. He really didn’t want to say anything more, but he couldn’t stop. It’s like he didn’t have an off switch.

•he just laughed at your face

•”remember last night? At my house? I took your puney little virginity. I got bet 8 months ago that I couldn’t take your virginity the night before prom, and then dump your sorry ass in front of everyone. Well look everyone! I win!” He laughed out, all of his stupid jock friends laughing with him.

•he was telling the truth, he took your virginity last night.

•he insisted it was because he wanted you two to be closer on prom night

•you really did feel stupid

•and disgusting

•like you needed a shower

•”and honestly, the worst part was that you weren’t even good. I mean it’d be okay if you were pretty, but look at you!”

•and finally, As Jaemins final act,

•he slipped the anniversary present you gave him off of his left wrist,

•and threw it at your face

•it hit you square in the chest,

•and slid down to floor

•you stayed and looked at it for abt 3 seconds

•but honestly

•you had heard , and seen, enough.

•you didn’t even look at Jaemin, you just turned and ran out of the gym

•everyone started cheering, all the popular people laughing and whooping

•Jaemin just stood there, staring at your retreating figure

•his heart was beating out of his chest

•but someone just handed him a cup full of spiked punch, and he downed it, and pulled Cynthia in for a kiss

•trying to block out the sound of his heartbreaking into millions of pieces

•Yerim and Miri ran out after you, and Jeno and mark followed, while Renjun took Chenle and Jisung - who were sobbing at this point - and dragged them out

•and hyuck just disgustingly stood and stared at Jaemin

•and he pulled Jaemin into him

•and said

•”you’re right, Jaemin. You won. Congrats”

•before shaking his head and running out after everyone

•outside, you were trying S U P E R hard not to have a panic attack

•it was a lie, all of it

•you should have known

•you should have seen that getting involved with the 7 most popular boys in school would ruin you

•Jaemin was right, you were so so stupid

•you heard footsteps behind you, and when you saw all of your friends (minus Jaemin, obviously), you couldn’t help but cry more

•Yerim and Miri slowly walked towards you, and you pulled them both in for a hug, sobbing onto their shoulders

•from behind them, you saw Jeno reach out for you, and softly call your name

•you sucked in a deep breathe

•they knew

•”you knew.”

•the only one that wasn’t crying at this point was renjun, but he looked damn near tears.

•”I’m not going to lie to you y/n, yeah we did-“

•”that’s contradictory. You have been lying to me for 8 months.”

•you didn’t even sound mad, just broken.

•which was honestly worse

•you just shook your head at them, and started walking towards Miri’s car, hoping she could take you home.

•”Jeno.”

•Yerim sounded betrayed as she whispered her boyfriends name

•”how could you?”

•”did you all just see us as idiots?” Miri chimed in

•no one said anything.

•like idiots

•Miri shook her head, and if looks could kill, 6/7 of the dreamies would be killed on the spot.

•”don’t you ever come near us again.” Was the last thing she said, before wrapping her hands around Yerim, and pulling her towards her car.

•Jaemin chose the P E R F E C T time to come out

•the events went as such:

•newly dumped Jaemin walks outside

•newly dumped Jeno locks eyes with new dumped Jaemin

•newly dumped Jeno sees red

•new dumped Jaemin gets a broken nose

•5/7 dreamies retreat

•mark drives Jaemin home

•Jaemin sits on his porch for three hours, not crying, but thinking about everything that happened that night

•Jaemin finally calms down enough to realize wtf happened

•Jaemin immediately wants to die

Continue here

{taglist}

@ivietea @fiveguysgoodbyeguys

@comically-sleep-deprived @woosans-sann @mozartwasajungkookstan @littlefluu @cxcxlxlee @jaesluvklub

@uyuzo @sweetie-yoongi7 @marklexleaf @infatuated-with-you

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rankdisasster · 5 years

Text

sixteen

Billy Hargrove x fem reader

“A fic where you and billy are exes, you've not seen him for a while bc you go to different schools. Billy sees you with a guy all over each other in town and goes to a party that night to blow off steam but you're there with your new bf. You and the boyfriend break up at the party because he was being a dick. You go off with billy and spend the night with him” requested by anonymous.

word count: 4,147

warning(s): swearing

a/n: was gonna split this into two chapters bc of how long it is, but I figured why not. this turned out lighter and funnier than I originally thought. oh and I made the reader and Billy nineteen going on twenty. love the idea anon, thank you! tell me in my asks if you guys like longer fics cause I can stretch all mine out. I personally love long ones. let me know! also left the reader’s asshole bf nameless on purpose, you can put in any douchey name you want.

—

If anybody were to tell Billy what he would’ve seen when he went on an innocent trip to the supermarket to pick up his favorite frozen burritos, he would’ve ditched the frozen food and just order in a pizza for himself instead. Nothing could’ve prepared him for the shock, then the disappointment, and not to mention the utter fucking disgust of seeing you play Happy Housewife picking up groceries with a boy holding onto you by your hip. You were laughing with the tall handsome stranger, pointing at the sprinkled donuts as if there was something hilarious or entertaining about them.

Billy had originally been strolling through the aisles at ease, happy to get out of the house and go do something besides work, class, or going to the gym. Becoming a young adult for Billy meant chores like grocery shopping, and attending community college as a fresh start, also working at the car place down the street from town. He’d been doing good for a change, and it was a different feeling for him. Usually something (or in this case someone) would have him kicking and screaming his way back to his old self. Back when he was never anything but angry, sat around and blamed the world and refused to properly deal with his feelings, or think over his actions. However, college started and he met new people, strived to better himself not just physically but mentally. He even ditched his regular tough guy workout diet, replacing the protein shakes once in awhile and grabbing a case of colorful mouth-watering mini cupcakes for himself instead. He was hoping to treat himself because he deserved it, but this is what the world would rather graciously gift him: his ex girlfriend pawing at some douchey delinquent right in front of his face.

Billy reacted quick, almost embarrassingly quick, hiding himself behind the nearest corner with his back to the wall, his treats still sitting in the grocery basket as he cautiously peeked around to see if you were coming closer in his direction. Seeing as though you weren’t there anymore, he thanked his lucky stars and at last minute grabbed a bucket of vanilla ice cream from the nearest freezer section, because he fucking can, thank you very much. That’s what seeing “the one that got away” sucking face with somebody else at the store had done to the poor boy. The blonde anxiously tiptoed around the perimeter of the store, looking for your hair or that guy’s ugly face. After his target seemed to have vanished in thin air, thankfully, Billy sighed in deep relief and ran a hand over his suddenly warm face, coming down from the mini panic attack that you just unknowingly put him through. He thought you’d ditch Hawkins like you always said you would, find a better home to break more boys’ hearts and get a degree somewhere fancy. But then again, Billy remembers that there’s a lot of things you said you would do and ended up not doing.

“Hi, thank you for shopping with us. Would this be all for you today?” The kind middle aged woman behind the cash register asked. Billy scratched his head before forgetting if Max asked for anything or not, then decided whatever munchies she wanted could wait for next time. But first Billy needed to find another fucking store to shop at now, feeling like this place made Hell look like a playground with you and lover boy waltzing around, having a jolly time.

“Um, d’you think we could get this over with? ‘M kinda in a hurry here,” Billy laughs out of his anxiety, seeing the cashier woman take her time ringing him up. He squeamishly reached into his back pocket for his wallet and pulled out a few bucks then handed them over. She took the bills and slided them into the register one by one after scanning all of his items.

“Of course, sir. Would you like your receipt in the bag, or —?” Billy nodded his head and rushed to grab his bagged goodies before his name got called by a voice he never wanted to hear again.

“Billy?”

Holy mother of God.

Billy slowly turned around as if he were a kid getting caught with his hand in the cookie jar, and there you were. He didn’t want to make it obvious that he was checking you out, seeing if you’ve changed a lot or just a little since three and a half years ago. And you did. You matured quite a bit, got a new hairstyle that suits you, and you have a cute outfit on with your usual style that hasn’t changed drastically since you were sixteen. Billy remembers all your adorable band tees you’d wear, and he also remembers yanking them off of you when he took you to his room. But he probably shouldn’t think about that right now, not with you and your new boyfriend right in front of him.

“Uh... hey,” he breathes out, clearing his throat and straightening out his jacket, even smoothing out his hair like an idiot as if it wasn’t too late to already. As if he still cared what you think of him and his appearance. You raised your brows at him and grinned like it was fucking amusing to see him get so worked up and uncomfortable, still a bitch, then grabbed a hold of the man’s coat and gave it a tug to signal him for his attention. The tall, dark handsome man looks over at Billy as you greet him.

“Hey there, stranger. It’s been a few,” you greet him as if he were an old colleague or some bullshit, not at all like an ex who’s heart you smashed to pieces. It’s unsettling to Billy, and he knows something is up, like you’re not completely being real, not acting like yourself. Even if it’s been a few years, there’s no way in hell you could have tossed your whole personality out the window. “Babe, this is Billy. He’s an old family friend of mine,” you introduce the two boys and they shake hands, your boyfriend’s grip much tighter and Billy’s more hesitant. What the fuck is happening?

“What’re you up to these days?” You inquire, probably faking interest in how he turned out after high school. Billy knows he doesn’t have it in him to stand another second of this conversation, and when shit hits the fan, he bolts.

“You know, sorry but I really gotta go. This was great, uh. Nice seeing you Y/N, and nice meeting you Amigo, ” he snatches his groceries before all but running out of the store, nearly knocking his head into the automatic opening door on the way out, recovering quickly. Leaving your boyfriend confused and you feeling somewhat lonely, suddenly wishing to be sixteen and by his side again.

—

“Family friend? What the fuck was that!” Billy punched the steering wheel before he strapped on his seatbelt and threw his comfort food in the backseat. He can’t believe you, that you’d call him a family friend after all you two had been through. You were the first girl he ever actually found himself liking, and after you transferred to another school and dropped him like trash, you had since been the last girl he ever trusted, too. It was early 1983 when Billy was finally getting the attention from girls he wanted and having the time of his life in his second year of high school. You came around and made the first move asking him out, even calling the shots on what to do when you first started messing around, like the drunk on sex and hormones teenagers you were. You stood out amongst the other girls, he noticed it immediately and thought it would be fun to have a partner he could try out all the stuff he’d wanted to do. Practice was what he had called it, for when the time comes that his performance in bed actually mattered, since he was just a kid that went no further than second base before in his short life.

Things took a turn, and looking back now Billy should’ve seen it coming. Catching feelings and spending an awful lot of time together made him weak, made him more vulnerable than he’d ever been before. You fell for him too, or maybe you just said that to appease him, Billy doesn’t know anymore and gets a headache when he tries putting the puzzle together. Always missing what the point of it all was. Meeting him, smiling at him and making the boy feel special, feel like a real man even at the tender age of sixteen. Teaching him how to fuck, how to make love, how to give head that could make a girl scream and beg for more, more, more. More importantly teaching him that it’s healthy to talk to people about how he feels, listening to others in return. Then out of nowhere, dropping Billy like a fly when you moved and never calling him back after you promised him you would. Like it meant nothing to you.

He had so much he wanted to say to you but you were untouchable. He didn’t know your new address to write you, couldn’t for the life of him look your family up in the phone book either. He’d never felt so hopeless, so alone. And it was a stab in the back that you never lived up to your word, promising you’d keep in contact with him and never forget about him. The then sixteen-year-old cried hard in his pillow every night for weeks wondering what went wrong to have you not even try to keep in contact. And to do that, to shove him away in a drawer labeled nothing by calling him a family friend... fuck.

Billy snaps out of the painful flashback and refuses to let any tears out. If he didn’t deserve an explanation or some type of closure, then you didn’t deserve any of his tears. He rubbed his eyes as he sped home, then almost forgets the bags of frozen food in the back with how distracted he had gotten. When he made it into the house, he heated up two of his favorite frozen burritos in the microwave and ate all his sorrow away.

As Billy finished up his greasy deliciousness, he wiped his hands off on his already dirty jeans and answered the telephone attached to the wall that obnoxiously rang. It was Tommy on the line, saying something about some banger being thrown tonight. Just like that, a lightbulb lit up in Billy’s head.

Hell yeah.

Getting drunk, dancing drunk, burying all his feelings in some college girl’s pussy and chugging vodka sounded heavenly. Anything to forget the feelings and thoughts he had that slowly but surely started coming back up to the surface about Y/N.

—

Pretending to have a good time when you’d rather be home asleep is exhausting. The day dragged on with your boyfriend taking you place after place, spending penny after penny on you in hopes to buy your love, your affection, and your time. You sighed and ran your fingers through your hair in distress as lover boy decided to take you to another party you weren’t too keen on attending. Drinking sucked and made you sick, your boyfriend hated when you got stoned, so that ruled out all the fun of these get togethers. You tried to protest but he was insistent on going, it was no use; he had to have everything he wanted, and damn anything or anyone that got in his way.

“I’m serious. Give me the keys. You’ve had your fun, now I can drive you back to yours and you get your car from mine in the morning, alright?” you tried to ask nicely twice already, but he either ignored or refused you. He was passed tipsy already, slurring as he called you names and kept whining about how you never want to have any fun. When you try to take the keys from his back pocket he shoved you away then poured the remainder of his beer in your face. Absolutely humiliated with all eyes on you, you grabbed the nearest full drink not giving a shit who it belonged to and did the same, drenching his face in whatever sticky contents were in the solo cup and gave him the finger, running upstairs. Knowing lover boy he probably won’t even remember what happened tonight, beg for forgiveness, try to buy you back to him. Not happening this time.

Finding the nearest empty room upstairs to cry by yourself then clean off the stench of beer from your face and your clothes, you weren’t quite expecting your ex from three and a half years ago to come stumbling out of the restroom, the toilet flushing behind him as he still struggled to zip himself. He had a cigarette dangling from his mouth too, looking about as “put together” as he did at the store. You laughed at the sight, classic Billy, and he snapped his head over to the sound and his cigarette nearly fell out of his mouth.

“You following me or something?” He asks, giving up on his belt and leaving it undone.

“Oh, actually I am. You caught me,” you replied, sarcasm blatant in your tone. You pulled the knobs to turn the sink on and cupped you’re hands to gather up a pool of water to wash your face that was still drenched in beer. Billy saw how disheveled you looked and wondered if it was because you were having a great time or a horrible time. Based on your attitude, he had to guess it wasn’t the ladder. “Is there anywhere you don’t smoke?” you ask, seeing as though he still smoked like a chimney even while taking a piss.

Billy chooses to ignore that, knowing you already had the answer to that question. Instead, he chooses to comment on your wet hair and beer stinking up your clothes. “Trouble in paradise?” He asks conversationally. You looked up at him and scoffed, giving him a glimpse of your ruined mascara now running down your cheeks.

“I’m not in paradise,” you answer vaguely, not wanting to bother him with the details. You just knew he wanted an I Told You So, but you were stubborn enough not give it to him.

“Sure seems like it,” he responds. You want to roll your eyes at the signature attitude he’s giving, but can’t help feeling odd by the fact that you two were alone in a room together and he still hadn’t put his belt on properly.

“You look like an idiot. Come here,” you beckon him with your finger and he doesn’t move a muscle, just staring at you with his sultry blue eyes. “Alright, have it your way. I’ll come to you, prick,” after taking four steps to meet him you yank his belt then strap it on the tightest hole possible, finishing up by lacing the strap through the belt loops. While pulling away, Billy meets your eyes and holds your stare, not even blinking before he snaps out of it and goes back to brat mode.

“Thanks, but I’m not a goddamn child anymore. And you stink like PBR.”

“Oooh, sick burn, dude. It was a Budlight, by the way. That all you have left in you?”

“No, I have more. You got time to hear ‘em?”

“Got all night.”

—

You and Billy stayed upstairs and got to catching up, also throwing immature insults like “you peaked at sixteen” and “at least I don’t smoke on the toilet.” When you both finally let up and started laughing at your past mistakes and not holding grudges because of them, that’s when the energy in the room took a turn and you now remember that this is the Billy you knew. The doofus in the supermarket that ran into the door. Now you both lay on the bed, the blonde boy propped up by the headboard still chainsmoking, and you on the other end of the bed with your feet in his lap. Billy’s heart sings with how much he missed this, missed talking and just fucking around with eachother. Not taking anything serious. It was one of the many favorite qualities he had about you.

“Shit, I can’t even believe you’re really here. Never thought I’d see you again,” he murmurs while looking down at you, playfully tickling your feet that were in front of him. You reacted by almost kicking him in the face with laughter, then demanded he knock it off to which he surrendered.

“Well, same goes for me I guess. I can’t believe you don’t even try buttoning your shirts,” you say as he laughs and hides his face in his hands, adorably self conscious. “It’s hot though, don’t get me wrong. I can forgive you for that,” you sit up and reach to tug on the collar of his red button up, before you suddenly remember how you got here in the first place. “Can you ever forgive me?”

Billy snaps his head up at the change in conversation, seeing as though you’re both getting to that point of the night. When you really start to talk about everything.

“Wouldn’t be here if I didn’t.”

You keep your eyes trained on him and scoot further up the bed right next to him before taking his cigarette from his mouth and giving it a drag yourself.

“Can you take me home?”

Billy turns his body towards yours and wraps one arm over your shoulder, as if protecting you. “I don’t know where you live anymore,” he rubs your back and let’s you lean your head in his exposed chest.

“That’s not what I’m talking about.” you whisper as he nods in understanding, taking his keys from his pocket and opening the bedroom door and opening it for you.

—

Billy drove you to his apartment and led you up to his room, which he kept much neater than he did back in the day. He even had a bookcase that was filled with the classics as well as a variety of horror novels. Posters of naked playboy women were removed and instead he now had his class schedule hung up along with metal bands and movie posters decorating the walls. His bed was unmade, but what made you laugh out loud was seeing three rolls of tissue that were crumbled up on his bedside table.

“What? I’m getting over a cold, you asshole.” He defended himself as he took off his shirt, not caring to tell you to leave as he changed. You had to double take when you saw the ink on his upper arm, where a cheesy old fashioned skull tattoo lay.

“You can’t be serious — this isn’t real. That cannot be real,” your eyes wide with disbelief and not asking for permission before trying to rub it off, expecting it to smudge.

“Nope. It’s totally real,” he goes on to tell you his experience going in and getting it on his eighteenth birthday after feeling extra rebellious. After his story was finished he realizes he forgot to ask if you’d even eaten dinner yet. “You hungry at all? Got these kickass frozen burritos, plenty to share,” he wiggles his eyebrows at you, and you agree that they sound fantastic right about now. Billy leads you back downstairs to the kitchen and plopping a couple of them on a plate and heating them up in the microwave.

“Billy, can I tell you something?”

“Uh, sure. If you wanna ruin our meal then go for it,” Billy answers, burning his fingers on the hot plate when he tries taking it out. The boy hissed and cursed, holding his sensitive hand as if it were a wounded animal. Still sitting at the kitchen table, you roll your eyes at his stupidity and impatience then grab the oven mittens from a drawer and grab the plate for you two.

“It’s hot,” you say obviously, stopping him from taking a bite of the sizzling meal.

“Yeah, thanks for the heads up.”

“I’m serious. We’ve been avoiding it all night, but I know I hurt you when I didn’t keep in touch like I said—“

“Y/N, stop.”

“No. You need to understand-“

“I said stop.” he snaps, quickly transitioning to defense mode, vastly uncomfortable with the change in subject. It was silent for too long, and Billy didn’t want to wait any longer for the food to cool, taking a bite and spilling beans down his shirt. “Goddammit,” he grumbled before you took the lead and grabbed a napkin to clean his tank top.

“You need a bib,” you advise.

“You’re not my fucking mom, alright! You ask me to to take you back here, make me feel like a child. You’re the child. You are! Go back to your snobby little boy toy, why don’t you? Christ.” he rubs his eyes after finishing his tangent, talking more under his breath about how “unbelievable” you are, and taking another sloppy bite from the burrito but nevertheless passing the plate to you and offering you some.

“I’m not hungry anymore, and I dumped my ‘boy toy’ right when he dumped his Budlight on me.” you quote Billy’s nickname for your new ex, then your stomach interrupts you by rumbling. He looks at you and then the plate knowingly. With a sigh, you grab the burrito and take a few nibbles before wiping your hands. Billy starts to stomp back up to his room before calling your name, pausing at the top of the stairs.

“I’m going to the gym tomorrow, Max is sleeping over at her friend El’s. You don’t have to stay.”

—

Billy doesn’t know what made him clam up so fast. Maybe it was how you still treated him like he was stupid, or that you wouldn’t drop it and bring up the breakup when he thought he was actually having a nice night. As soon as he enters his room he throws a pillow across the room and pouts before laying on his bed staring up at the ceiling. He surges for his back up pack of smokes and lights one up, the nicotine relieving him of his anxiety. Eventually he had to get up again to take a piss and when he exited the bathroom, there you were, waiting for him.

“Can’t get rid of me, William.”

“Who got rid of who last time, huh?” He blows smoke in your face with a smirk, happy about the cleverness of his comeback. “I already forgave you. Don’t bother.” He told you, strolling back to his room with his smoke trailing behind him.

“I’m sorry for referring to you as a family friend. Honestly, if he were to hear anything different he would’ve hurt me and then he would’ve killed you.” Billy stopped and turned around to where you stand, seeing your eyes brimmed with tears as you held your chest, trying your hardest not to fall apart.

Tugging on his heart strings since he was sixteen, Billy can’t help but give in.

“Come here.”

You fall into his warm embrace, with “I’m sorry, I’m sorry, I’m sorry” I’m repeat and he shushes you while petting your hair, holding you tight.

“Y/N, baby, don’t cry. Please don’t cry,” he pleads, not standing it when you’re sad and especially when he was the cause of it.

“I left you and I didn’t talk to you ever again because I’m replaceable. You could’ve found any other girl or... or anybody to keep you company the rest of high school. But you spent it moping about losing me like the fucking idiot you are!” you laugh out loud, and it wasn’t humorous. Billy leads you in his room and ashes his cigarette without taking his hands off you.

“Listen. No, listen to me. Shut the fuck up. I didn’t mope about just any girl, and I don’t ever cry and bitch about her leaving me unless she meant the fucking world to me,” he takes your head in his hands, wanting to make you understand.

“I still love you. Even if you smoke on the toilet and do all the other weird shit you do,” you smile as you sniffle, embaressed about getting his shirt wet. Billy assured you that it didn’t matter then pulls you close to his lips.

“And I love you, even if you still reek like PBR.”

“It was a Budlight that was thrown at me, actually.”

“Shut up.”

And now Billy can say he’s never been more grateful he went to the supermarket for his favorite frozen burritos that morning.

—

sorry this sooo long but the idea was just too cute for it to be a small basic one shot!!

#billy hargrove #billy hargrove x reader #stranger things #stranger things imagine #billy hargrove imagine

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ruinedbygaysstylinson · 7 years

Note

Hi! I miss you with all my heart! Still not over that Cheriam shit show last night. I read that comment today "Even Liam performance and Cheryl been there too didn't help the sinking ship #XFACTOR rating last night." Then i checked and wow, ratings is so bad as hell. Seems like Satan promo company didn't work. Still pissed that Cheryl stole all Liam audience and news. But not surprised at all. Their body language saying the truth - they're strangers.

Hey Nonnie!

Long post ahead: Honestly last night had me rolling because it was a trainwreck on so many levels. Those awkward IG stories, her being interviewed and kissing Satan’s ass, the way they forced Liam to make an exit with her. It was so bad, I can’t believe it actually happened.

Initially I was under the impression that Satan gave Liam to Chernobyl to revive her career and also to punish Liam for standing up to him after Zayn left. Upon further review, I think the entire point of this stunt is to promote XF, and both Chernobyl and Liam are pawns to an extent. She was desperate and would’ve agreed to anything to get back to her previous level of fame. Satan doesn’t have friends and I guarentee he doesn’t care if Chernobyl’s reputation goes down the toilet. She is a messy person, and people will watch her simply to see her fail. Drama and problematic people/situations are good news for Satan, which brings us to the cringe fest that was last night:

In case you missed the show (I’m referring to the entire day btw), it started out with IG stories where Liam hung out with his parents and Chernobyl’s mom made a weird guest appearance in what I assume was actually Chernobyl’s house. Poor Karen even had to awkwardly stir a pile of some type of food (???) and act natural. The general consensus from everyone involved was that they couldn’t wait for Liam to perform. This intrigued me because XF is not what it used to be, and Liam’s body language didn’t scream happy and excited, before or afterwards.

Anyways, moving on. Liam arrived at XF alone and Chernobyl popped up later to take pics with random fans. She was also interviewed and gave a shout out to Satan himself, but the best part was the dude behind her that mocked her (@ that dude, who are you, please marry me 😂). She popped into an XF IG story (that was completely unrelated to her in which Liam was thanking fans) with no comment, context, or contact from either party. Liam was stiff as a board and clearly over it.

Liam’s actual performance was amazing! I personally liked the Kiss House Party a bit more because it was lower pressure and the audience at XF was meh. Liam doesn’t usually let his nerves affect his performance but I could tell he was a bit off his game, and rightfully so. It was still stellar, right up until his exit. Liam tried to leave backstage like a normal human before he was forced to make a U turn, go out into the audience to give Chernobyl a hug (one armed and awkward as hell from both sides) before they both left mid-show. The host’s reaction was equivalent to mine: are you kidding me, why does this need to happen, y'all can’t wait 20 more minutes for the results etc

They vanished for a while and then popped up in what has to be the single most cringey, awkward moment of this entire stunt. If you haven’t watched the IG story of them in the car from last night, check it out. Liam sounds strange from the beginning, they are blaring classical music, and Chernobyl couldn’t get any further away from Liam. He basically said “life doesn’t get any better does it” and then left room for her to insert a comment and she literally just froze and smiled for 10 fucking seconds while Liam cackled like a crazy person. He ends it by saying how surreal his life is, which I assume was a shot at his teenage dream of dating her when he first auditioned at the tender age of 14 (which he managed to include in the first story she made an appearance in earlier that day btw).

Overall, the incredible lack of chemistry between them is a bit mind blowing. He’s more comfortable with strangers and random fans than this chick he’s supposedly in love with. Idk if she is just a robot all the time or if she’s terrible at acting too or what, but dang. Put them together in a room and video them for 10 mins and this stunt will end itself. They are uncomfortable as hell together.

The entire thing was essentially an extension of “supportive” Chernobyl. First she talked the talk on SM leading up to the performance and then she walked the walk last night. I don’t think Liam’s performance and the weird way they acted together made the impression or provided the exposure that Chernobyl and Satan are after though. What it did do, however, is get the public’s attention. Pretty much all the comments I’ve seen have been about how strange their relationship is. Chernobyl got her articles about being so supportive and loving which will help her image when the split happens (she did everything right and the big, bad, immature man broke her heart. So sad). People aren’t gonna tune in to XF and coo when she premieres some lame song while Liam cheers her on from the audience. Their relationship is boring, quite odd, and they’ve both shut down all angles that could take their relationship further and revive public interest (marriage and another baby).

You know what people might tune in for though? Chernobyl’s first appearance after a sudden shocking split just weeks after Chiam played the happy couple for the XF audience. People will be curious where it went wrong, and, if nothing else, they’ll tune in to bash Chernobyl. Considering I’m starting to think this whole relationship was designed to create drama and ultimately get exposure for XF, it’s very likely last night will be their last outing before a split.

I wouldn’t be too concerned about her stealing the show last night. It was never about him to begin with, and the entire thing was a huge joke. People know it’s weird for her to be so involved in his life, and they aren’t impressed. I think the GP is hypercritical of him because of his relation to her, and that should change when they split and his team does some damage control. Also the majority of XF viewers aren’t Liam’s target audience, and despite the mess, BF is rising on UK iTunes. I just hope he’s had a relaxing day today with his family. After that shit show, he definitely deserves a break.

(Sorry for being MIA so much. School has been crazy recently but I’ll do my best to answer more asks as they are sent)

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wickedsmallfighterjets · 7 years

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The formal callout for Driad aka Daniel Mahone

Daniel Mahone from Cambridge UK is an online sexual predator. We are unsure about his age since he’s changed his age many times but he’s claiming to be 18 currently. He targets very young teenagers and coerces them into sexual conversations and has done this for years without repercussion.

He’s currently off tumblr as far as we know but he remakes often and having this widespread for awareness is a priority.

Some examples of the things he’s done are under the cut, general tw.

urls: driad, cptdriad, captaindriad, dryad

twitter: captaindriad

skype: mrdriad

kik: cptdriad

steam: bigbrownbat

photo of Driad / Daniel Mahone above

Daniel, referred to as Driad from here on, is stalking tumblr user 75pennies. He obsessively adds her and follows her on alternate accounts and fake accounts pretending to be someone else.

Referring to an alpaca stuffie he had given her. She had stated already that she no longer wanted to be in contact with him.

Here’s some from this blog from other tumblr users.

“Im gonna be blunt: Tumblr user driad is a sexual abuser, and a pedophile. This time last year, we met via some mutuals or something, i don’t really remember; he just started messaging me. I was 14, he was 17, and i was in a very bad unstable situation. From day one, he was sexual with me. The night we started talking, he admitted he was jacking off while we were talking on Skype, and he tried to make me “help him”. I respectfully declined, and then i respectfully had a panic attack in my bathroom. He kept messaging me after that, a lot of it casual conversation, and a lot of it flirting. He eventually wooed me over through flattery, i guess, because i warmed up to him. Now, my situation plays into this because i was not in a good place at all at the time. I had stopped taking my medication secretly, behind the backs of my doctors and parents. This medications controls my depression, panic attacks, and impulses, and i have been on it since i was 7 years old. I also was going through a lot of social drama, and i was desperate for approval. Combine those things, and you get a kid who’s pretty susceptible to a lot of things. He eventually started getting me to do sexual things that included: masturbating with him on Skype, sending him nude photos and videos of me doing different things, him making me insert inanimate objects into me on Skype calls, him making me do rather dangerous things (painful foreign insertion of objects anally, to put it nicely,) him calling me names like “kitten”, him making me call him “master”, the list goes on. I would often have panic attacks while performing these acts for him. At one point he introduced me to one of his friends. I don’t remember their gender, but they were DFAB as well, and he made them do similar things. At one point he made group chats and made us BOTH do things for him at the same time. I think the friend was about 16 at the time, but once again, i dont remember; i didn’t know his friend outside of this. One night, me and them just spent hours talking about how much we hated him, how much we wished he wasn’t like that, but neither of us knew what to do. I fell out of contact with the friend after a short while, but his abuse went on for months. He sent me rape threats, death threats, messages while i was in school (sometimes he would make me go to the bathroom to take nudes against my will,) and he spammed me constantly and got upset when i didn’t answer immediately. He would pretend to be sad and guilt trip me until i talked to him, or Skyped him, or sent him nudes. I was so afraid of disappointing him, of making him hate me. He became my fp, and i developed a crush on him. I told him that, and he didn’t feel the same way, but he absolutely used it to his advantage to get what he wanted. Eventually i had had enough. I don’t know what flipped in me, but I told him he could fucking suck it, and i blocked him and remade on everything he ever knew me on. The aftermath was awful; i have had flashbacks, panic attacks, and breakdowns. I have been through therapy dedicated to helping sexually abused kids. My depression surrounding this was so awful that i was hospitalized for self harm and suicide attempts. All because i was SO desperate for an abuser to love me. But he didn’t, he took advantage of me. And i know he still does it. I saw a post on my dash tonight made by someone who is 14, the same age i was. They were made uncomfortable by him and his requests as well. I messaged them and warned them to block him, and they thanked me. Thats why i made this. Because i don’t want anything like what happened to me to EVER happen to anybody else. Driad is now 18 years old, an adult. His blog is @driad. Please, PLEASE be careful, especially if you are underage.“

“I reblogged a post of his (not directly from him) and then he started following me, sent me asks saying "bigs boys" Bc of the post of his I reblogged. I followed him, he started messaging me, saying he wanted to cuddle, tummy rubs, and when I said - No lmfao brb gonna shower -, they asked for nudes. When I said I was taken they said No Homo and that my bf didn't need to know. I blocked them after my friends told me to. I wish I still had screenshots of it for proof.“

https://wickedsmallfighterjets.tumblr.com/post/156230617039/this-is-cringeworthy-as-hell-but-i-thought-id#notes

“ I hadn't really put 2 and 2 together that driad was probably harassing other people when he first messaged me. I'm aggressively asexual and he kept talking about "fisting my vagina" despite me telling him I'm a boy and ace. I eventually got him to stop messaging me by continuing to change the topic to potatoes and ended up blocking him to keep him from messaging me again “

Daniel Mahone is a sexual predator. If he returns he’ll most likely be under a variation of the name Driad. Please look out for him.

#driad #daniel mahone #cambridge #united kingdom #facebook #instagram

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countdownto65 · 7 years

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Empathy for Self

What is the nemesis of shame? Empathy.

What is the root of most of your shame? Attention seeking, codependentcy and sexual misconduct.

Empathy. You were the oldest in the family fighting for parental attention against two babies.

You hit puberty early. This was a 2 fold problem. You started getting attention furthering the tight shirts but in turn Everyone in 4th grade started calling you a ho. You had never even kissed a boy. You were not a ho and kids are fucking mean.

But you know who else’s attention you got by having boobs, dressing in body suits and seeking attention at 11 years old? A fucking pedophile. While your behavior made you an easy target, NO ONE DESERVES TO BE SEXUALLY EXPLOITED AT 12, 13, 14, OR 15 YEARS OLD. Did you fuckin get that? No matter what your actions it was not your fault they targeted you. Even if you agreed to it at 13, 14, 15 you can leave that self blame right here bc that was their bad NOT YOURS. This is where you learned sex = attention, power, control. They would buy you stuff, get you high and drunk, make you feel like the best person they know all (not explicitly stated) for sexual behavior. I learned a skewed view on relationships and appropriate sexual behavior in adult married behavior. I learned to emotionally detach from sex. I learned to over ride the “this shit ain’t right” feeling you get in your chest when you are uncomfortable in a situation. All of these things are what set your boundaries and your very left field view of what kind of attention makes you feel worthwild. This was not your fault and sometimes life has shitty things happen that effect our outlook forever.

So it sure was easy to sleep with boyfriends, I mean you “loved” them, they were always older, sex was something that didn’t come from everybody so with my sexual skills I learned from the pedophiles I was the best gf a 16 year old could have. And bc I could so easily separate sex from emotion (as a conditioned response to molestation) and it was a way to get boys I liked to notice me, I gave it up easily. Not necessarily sex, but sexual acts. It was one way I felt power and control. Boys treated me special on the surface bc I was pretty with tight clothes…but I failed to realize the power was momentary at the cost of respect. Both self respect and respect of everyone else. This was when my first experience with the fuck and run type of dude came in. The first time I cared. After that I didn’t at least I told myself I didn't but This was when I began codependency. They didn’t always fuck and run. I was good at getting boys to stick around for a while. I was a serial dater. I had to have a significant other to feel worth so I had too many boyfriends. Always one on hand one on the backburner. This was you reaching out for real connection, something you felt had been missing both with your parents, your abusers and your random sexual encounters. When I had a bf I was faithful. I know that sounds fucked up bc I just said I had a backburner but I was never sleeping with this other guy. I just friend zoned him knowing he liked me so I could establish my safety net. So one day at 17 Ieft home, went to a house party, hooked up with the guy who’s house it was (Matt) and that was the start of my first adult relationship. I loved him from the bottom of my toes but he often cheated on me and I never left him for it. It was at this time that I severed my relationship with my abusers. I was old enough to at least have an inkling something wasn’t right, plus now I considered it cheating and I didn’t cheat on him. He started selling drugs. We both got into cocaine. It was easy bc I dated the dopeman.

Then he went to prison. I continued the relationship with him but continued to date/sleep with men while he was away. This was when I caught an std and began stripping on weekends. This is still caused by poor boundaries and a skewed idea of sex and power… Set in motion by sexual abuse. By now I had slowed way down on cocaine but had a huge weed and alcohol habit. I worked at a catholic preschool during the week but stripped to pay for my substances on Sat nights. This set off a little bit of the uncomfortable double life feeling but I pushed it down. I also hustled people for substances. Although I never slept with anyone for money or drugs. But I def made them think I might so they would get me high. Never felt bad either bc if your a dude willing to be got you deserved to get hustled…that was my mindset. I also saw stripping as a hustle. Hustle to me means fuck with a lame walk with a limp. I mean if your gonna be thirsty I’ll take your money. This is probably when I acquired my mindset that most dudes were creeps and out to get me. I realize now that by appearing easy I was literally attracting creeps but at the time I enjoyed the attention and the feeling of superiority and has a huge sample of men to confirm my bias.

Every now and then though I got tricked out of my hard exterior and caught feelings. This is my deep emotional need for connection, to feel worth while. This is where I met my daughters father. He was a giant red flag but problem with bad boundaries and emotional regulation is if I liked you I would ignore red flags and become overly obsessed with you. This has continued to be a problem throughout adulthood.

Anyways I dated Tony until He went to prison, then Matt got out of prison until we broke up, then Tony got out of prison and we has Olivia. Then Tony went back to prison and I met Jason, I left Jason when Tony got out of prison but when Tony and I broke up I went back to Jason and we had Leah. Are you seeing the boomerang effect of codependentcy and back burner relationships. One stable relationship was not enough.

I wanted Jason to be different. To be a family but unfortunately Jason turned out to be very abusive mentally, physically and emotionally. He was an alcoholic and a mean one. But for some reason I loved him and let him stomp on me over and over. He took my confidence. He took my pride. He took my soul. I tried to break up with him 30 times he would say no and just wouldn’t leave. I was faithful to him until I moved out into subsidised housing. But even then I didn’t have multiple men just one man that to this day I love. This guy put up with being #2 for 2 years on and off. Maybe he knew I loved him, maybe he knew that I was stuck with Jason, maybe he knew I needed to feel wanted and worthy. During this I felt guilty and shameful. I eventually bought a house and moved Jason in. That is when this other guy got a new gf and left me alone. It was like mourning a breakup that I couldn’t tell anyone. Eventually I legally evicted Jason and this left me with a self worth and connection black hole.

I acted out for a minute on my usual single m.o.. Then an old friend from middle school came in. He was different then others in that he was genuinely nice and cared for my well being. Unfortunately he also came with a huge dose of depression leading to at the time an inability to keep a job or help with housework. But I stayed with him on and off for the next few years bc I loved him for his emotional support and that he made me feel worthy. Plus it was safe. As a woman in her 30s, I am at the point that if I’m in a relationship I don’t cheat or scope out new guys or have a backburner. It kept me emotionally reeled in. But bc of my trust issues, bc of my lack of feeling worthy, bc of my resentment for him watching me struggle, and bc of my need for excitement or passion (see drama) I couldn’t be with him forever. Even after he got better and held a job and helped my brain short circuits and told me that our lack of connection was insurmountable. I broke his heart and he did nothing wrong. I am just still searching for that lasting “in love” connection that I am not sure exists. I harbor huge guilt here. Both for his feelings and for what could be wrong with me that I left what I said I wanted. That maybe my brain will never let me really love. My only empathy here is that I am working on my shit and all I can do is that.

Every time in my adult life when I have been unhappy in a relationship I’ve left instead of fixing. I have searched out attention through suggestive facebook posts or selfies or sexting. I have been emotionally raw towards men. I had a shitty attitude toward relationships. Anytime that I was single or had freedom I either had a fuck buddy that I didn’t feel anything for or sometimes I would make a strong connection and go all in. I would rush it sexually (again not necessarily full sex but messing around for sure) and more times then not I get played. Within 2 weeks after they no longer answer my texts or calls. This is the shit adult shame is built from. How can you be so blind and stupid? Why can’t you be stable and happy? But here is where I need an empathy piece. Your sexuality was already not healthy then Jason stripped you of any self worth. He often told you no one could ever love me bc I was such a low down terrible person, a piece of shit mother, a whore. Six years of that and you begin to believe it. So if a man comes along and sells you a dream of being loveable its hard not to want with all your heart to believe them. And sexuality is my only tool I know for reeling them in. But when things get too serious I start getting scared of being broken or having to work on things that historically haven’t worked or old scars become obsessions.

I am at a point in my life now that I want to change but Tbh I don’t know how. I want to regain respect for myself and I would like to change peoples opinion of me or better yet not care. This has sent me into a major mental health crisis. I want to know how to reel it in and gain respect while still being true to myself. I still yearn for spark, sex and connection but I want to do it healthily. I want to take the emotional polarization and shame out of sex. Instead of not caring at all or being a crazy obsessive smothering weirdo and throwing myself at someone then feeling like an idiot for falling so hard. So maybe dates in public, counting actions over words and putting time in between the spark and the sex.

I am still struggling with what to do about social media. I mean I need to chill on the provocative selfies, attention seeking posts, and entertaining anyone that messages me… but I still like to be noticed. I want to post selfies and I think dirty memes are funny. Anyway this is long. I am still figuring shit out. And I can’t just look at empathy without taking inventory of what I could have done differently. But this post is empathy and it did help take off a small piece of that shame.

(*when I say act out sexually I don't mean I've had hundreds of partners but rather I have been quick to sexually experiment but I have also developed a "stop point". Don't get it too twisted.)

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pegasus-ghost · 4 years

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It's finally 2020.

I am officially 30, and it's finally 1st January 2020.

And how about a summary of a whole decade? 2009-2019? From when I was 20 to 30?

2009 : Age 20

I was still studying. I kept shit to myself. Played stupid games on computers. Studied English major which was also stupid. Didn't socialize with anyone and didn't talk to my housemates. I don't even know their names. Had a small group of friends. 5 people. More like there were 3 of us initially but another 2 started being close with us after a group project.

Dated i think. Went on blind dates. Horrible.

2010 : Age 21

Still in University. Nothing changed. I think this was when I was involved with theaters called the Pearl. Only did props but I think I barely contributed shit.

I think this was also when I actively went for a driving license test near my university and training after failing for 2 times (after spending so much money!) at my hometown. I fucking passed, and I remember being so fucking happy and relieved! I barely passed tho, I think the officer liked me because I asked him about his sunglasses.

Oh and.... I remember I was heavily involved with Kim from my dark times, by being a person called chipsmore. Eduardo. Let's not talk about that.

2011 : Age 22

Went for my internship as an English teacher at a vocational high school. Was also a warden for the boys dormitory there. Had memories in checking everyone's attendance, and do spot-check and found them hiding their radios and cellphones. So much memories. From students punching each other in my class, students not respecting me, me crying in class and after class because I was so fucking angry, and losing my voice (YES I LOST MY FULL VOICE) because I yelled too often, because the students were too noisy and not listening to me. Was also involved with English day, training kids with other teachers to present choir. I remembered our lecturer who was in charge of me and my colleagues for the internship is this military guy. Good looking but stern.

I also drove my dad's car during the internship and was the only person among my colleagues who has a car, which made me the target for the rest of my colleagues to use for grocery shopping and going out to eat. I remember feeling super fucking nervous because I just got a license and I don't have experience in driving yet so it was nerve racking to be forced to drive everywhere by my colleagues.

Was also involved in a fight between two other interns, one of it was my colleague and the other was an intern from another school. They talk shit about each other and somehow both of them trusted me to keep their secrets.

I had a crush with this other intern as well from another school because she looked like my ex. My colleagues found out and pushed me to talk to her. One day, my roommate (the intern from another school, and friends with my crush) left his phone while in the shower. I snuck in the texts and read them and I saw the texts from my crush scolding him not to associate her with me anymore because she doesn't like me. Man. Was crushed. But I brush it off.

Finished my fucking thesis too!! I was ridiculed and criticised so much when presenting my data and thesis to my lecturer while doing the internship and I was so fed up, I just need to get it over with. When the lecturer finally accepted my thesis, I got out of the office and yelled and danced happily!! You know that feeling when you're pumped with adrenaline, just feeling super pumped.

This was also the year where I got my first job as an English mentor for kids. God. What a fucking nightmare dealing with kids. I remembered having a serious headache from all the stress and shock on my first day. I hated the job. I hated kids. I fucking hated how they monitor classes with a camera. And I hated my colleagues too. There was an incident where they played secret santa and I left my gift in a drawer for this other guy. Which apparently was a big deal and they keep saying out loud enough so I can hear it, wondering 'who' was it who was rude enough to go inside someone's office and open people's drawers. The fuck. I didn't even steal anything. All I did was leaving the gift in the drawer as a surprise.

I also dragged Kim, yes the guy from my dark times, (he doesn't know I was also Eduardo) as my housemate back then. It was fine at first, but I got super mad when I found out he brought back a girl home and fuck her on the first date, on the bed I let him borrow. I scolded him like HELL. He stopped talking with me afterwards. We had a cold war.

I remember feeling super stressed in that house too. Homesick constantly that I cried alone in my room. I always don't have enough money to support myself, pay rent and my dad's car. I always have to borrow money from my mom. I tried asking my boss at the time if there's possibility of salary increase in the future but unfortunately not. I resigned and gave 1 months notice. But the stupid hoe kick me out right then and there, told me my last day was that day itself and I need to pack up. It was horrible.

2012 : Age 23

With the help of my uncle, I got a job as a project secretary. He had his own computer supplier company and I was involved in this project where the company supplies computers to the national post offices through the entire country. The project was terrible. I witnessed how dark the corporate world is, where people lobby, bribe, pay money to win projects from the government. Pay prostitutes. Alcohols. Night clubs, just to satisfy the client so that they could win that project. I remember the client was a super fat fuck too, and my project manager was a bitch. She forced me and another colleague to fake our signatures on papers, to indicate that 'as in' the post office has received the computers we supplied, when the fact is it's all fake documents. I told my family about this and my dad was furious because it could get me to jail, because these documents will be audited. He went to my office to meet my workaholic bitch boss personally. After that, everyone alienated me and stopped talking to me. I decided to quit only after a month working there.

Then comes my dark ages. I was jobless from February - October, I think. 9 fucking months of doing nothing. I didn't wanna do anything except eat and sleep and play games. I think I was depressed. Felt like a loser. My family didn't interrupt. They let me be. But this was also when I started going back to my, let's call it, dark times. I met someone online again. And I fell head over heels over this person. I never obsessively loved anyone in my entire life, drunk with love, than with this person. But too much love was destructive. The person withdrew from me from being suffocated and it ended there.

In November, I don't know what happened but I started picking up the pace and looked for jobs again. I found a job and nailed the interview because I told them my experience of quitting my job when I found out the company faked documents for a project. They loved my honesty and they're looking for an honest person to manage their distributor center since there's cash involved. A lovely couple.

But! This was also a weird experience. I didnt realize it at first. The husband kept doing all this motivational talks and I helped of course with the operation. He kept talking about getting rich and being part of his organization and having dreams. He sells this product to people and ask them to join his organization as a member and buy more products. I never liked how the operation was. It was too cheesy and how you gain success and money is to force people to sign up and buy your products monthly and recruit more and more members. Don't get me wrong, the couple were sweet and honest. But I didn't like what they were doing.

2013 : Age 24

Shit just got worse for the job. Well not like BAD bad. But before that, I'll fill you on something else.

I started opening up and dating again. Can't remember how we met, I think it was online. First of all I dated this girl who worked at a hotel. I was super impressed with her success because she told me she manages 2 hotels and she's aggressive when it comes to career. But she was an asshole. Seriously. I didn't see it back then because I was blinded by love but she never loved me. When I pick her up, she asked me to pick her up at someplace further away from the restaurant she was at, because she was too embarrassed to have her friends there see her with me. Then she kept a guys photo, I started to think she lied to me about being single and that she actually has another boyfriend. She called me honey but one day she accidentally called me by a different name. She even use a photo of her with another guy as a profile picture, and she said it was her ex. Other than that, she was the first human that forced me into physical sex. And I did it because I loved her. What an idiot. She forced me to do anal. And forced me to satisfy her. But she never satisfied me. Even forced me to lick her pussy till she cums. Felt used tho.

After that, I dated this other girl. A childish one. Said she was single. But never once did she use her money to treat me when dating. She was a slobbery person when kissing, she drools A LOT. I remember feeling icky whenever we french kissed because of how much drool she had in my mouth. She was also the one who forced me into having sex too. More like oral. But instead of satisfying her, she was the one who gave me blowjobs and made me cum a few times, at least that was nice. But then drama happened. Her ex bf came looking for me and asked to meet. Then begged me to leave her because he still loves her. I found out from the ex bf that she was abusive and using him for money, and it didn't help that he was an orphan with no money. I kept telling him to ditch this girl, but he refused. I broke up with her after that and found out that the two got back together. And even married now! Like what an idiot.

Okay so back to my job. So later on, the couple told me that they have to shut down the center in July, which means I won't have a job. The problem was that their competitor bought so many products by bulk and them sell it off to supermarkets at a cheap price that it hurts their business, because people stop buying their products and joining their organization because they could get a cheaper price at a supermarket. So the couple decide to quit and join a competitor market instead. A market they have been telling people NOT to buy all these time. I was fine with it. But then only I realised that... Well.. IT WAS ACTUALLY AN MLM COMPANY I HAVE BEEN WORKING FOR ALL ALONG.

I was... An absolute idiot. So naive.

So after that, I was jobless again for 3 months. In October, I nailed an interview to become a call center agent for an international bank just because I told the interviewer that my hobby is to sew things. She was impressed because I could sew things and I have a unique hobby.

I remember thinking, hey I'll just work there for a while and it would be so cool because I get access to all these customer data for banking and ther s security cameras everywhere that I have to watch for.

But it was good. This job is the first job that got me a really stable finance and good career prospect.

2014 : Age 25

Still worked as a call center agent. But I was promoted to premier executive, helping VIP customers instead. It was challenging, dealing with heck of a lot of money, helping them with time deposits, their loans, credit cards. My English got better here, despite hating the job that needs me to talk constantly.

Here is where I know this loudmouth guy who was seriously two faced. He was an extrovert and basically forced me into a friendship with him at first we were close. But the sooner I get to know him, the more I don't like him. He could be so nice and friendly to you and talk the ugliest shit about you behind your back the second you turn your back on him. So ugly. He also dates like tons of girls behind his steady girlfriends back. Even had oral sex and shit with these girls. Bragged to me about how rich these girls are and how all of them are crazy over him. He was also dating this one girl from our department this one time, while cheating on his gf of course, and I drove them to a park and fell asleep at night in the car while the two of them were at the back. After we got home, he told me he had a blowjob from her at the back seat of my car while I was asleep. What??

Then this guy started moving to sales team, and I stopped talking with him afterwards. I think he got the point too and stop talking to me. I never had anymore friends after that because I was more comfortable being alone.

2015 : Age 26

This was the year when I bought my first car that still use to this day, thanks to Liam for forcing me. My blue car I call Zeff. I didn't think a car was a good idea because it would hurt my finance and I didn't need a car because I travel by bus to work. But he forced me, telling me that I need this because when else do I have a car then? Said that I'm getting older and I need like... A car? But I fell for it because the car colour was nice.

Work wise, not much happened. I remember stepping out of my comfort zone and woke a Pikachu hoodie, feeling extremely anxious that people will look at me funny. Turns out that they all liked it and started calling me Pikachu because of it. Was even known in the office because of the Pikachu hoodie.

And then yes, dark times. I started gotten involved again with another guy, again, because he was depressed and I tried to help. ended up him falling hard for me. He was an orphan and went through so much shit. I even helped him get a job at my office. He didn't know I was a guy. I told him I work there but I don't wanna meet him. But I keep leaving gifts and stuff for him in his locker as a surprise. Sigh.

This was also the year I started dating my last ex. An asshole too. Long story short this girl just abandoned my needs. I don't even feel like we were a couple. It felt more like friends. We never even touch or kissed because she said she fucked her ex last time and she felt horrible and she doesn't want to do it again. She was only a part time lecturer, had not much money. No car. But loved the hell out of computers. I tried to show interest in computers and learn from her but I just couldn't. Because it's notu thing. Always have to travel to her constantly and she lives super far away, like in a different state. Not much memorable things with her apart from feeling that I hated how 'casual' this all feels with her.

Also, she once showed me that she kept a box filled with lovey dovey memories between her and her ex. I remembered crying like crazy in the car in front of her because I was so angry and upset to find out that she did INDEED had this 'soft' side of her which I believe wanted so badly. She still had no mercy. She was cold and told me that unfortunately she has grown cold since then. Fuck off with that bitch.

2016 : Age 27

This was the year when I joined night shift and LOVED it. Night shift for a call center was heaven. Not much falls. We could even sleep sometimes. Not busy like in the morning. I ended up finishing so many novels and books because I had so much free time at work to read than do my job. I remembered reading TONS of books during night shift.

Was also dating the bitch still. Yes was also dating the 'guy' still too.

This was also when I resigned. I resigned in November and my night shift colleagues were so nice to me. I joined another company because my extroverted 'ex-friend' reached out to me about this opportunity to become a recruiter. I thought it was an interesting job prospect. Went for the interview and didn't even do my best. I did what I could. Ended up getting the job

Which led me to make another big change in my life.

The work is in the city, and I start the new job in December. So end of November, me and my brother scouted around for a rent house and we found one. We went through the moving process and shit. All the way in the city.

December, I started the new job. Fuck I was super surprised how this new job ended up like. I became a recruiter, contacting candidates from USA for job opportunities. My first team handled a giant chemical company as a client. It was super hard and there wasn't that much training. The training and introduction was fucked up and bad. Not to mention that the whole fucking operation were like sales. It's all based on numbers. How many candidates you contacted? How many resumes reviewed? How many people applied for the job? If your number is low, you get scolded. Just like in sales. You know how much I HATE talking to people. I fucking hate talking, and now I have to sell jobs? It's a sales job! And my ex friend was not honest with me about what the whole job was like. All he wanted was the referral money once he got me in. I remember crying every single day in my first and second month because I was super stressed, feeling incapable of shit and promised myself I'm gonna quit and find another job.

Also, in December, I remember that it was my birthday and I bought a ticket for a midnight show, only to find out that it was actually for 12pm the next day, not 12am. I felt so bad because it means she had to stay a night in the city. I asked her to sleep in my house and sleep on the couch but she refused and insisted she stayed at a cyber cafe. Then she asked me if we can kiss. That was weird. So I did. But I tried french kissing which she didn't appreciate. But nonetheless she was happy af that she got a kiss from me. But me? I didn't think it was a big deal. I didn't even love her. She wanted one so I gave one. That's all.

2017 : Age 28

In January, I got my bitch ex recruited in my company because I pitied her that she lost her job. She finally got that job and started in january. But shit went down. I thought when we are working in the same company, it means we will be closer. But no. Turns out she felt suffocated that I need to see her and go out with her every single day to the point that she stop talking with me and ignored me the entire week. In February, Valentine's day, I went and find her at her flat house. I was surprised to find that she had a guy as housemates when she refused to sleep in my house a month back with an excuse that it's not proper for a guy and girl to sleep in one house. I confronted her with this and I gave her the option whether we fix this or break up, because I don't wanna waste my time if she keep acting this way. She proceed with break up. Then I told her "you know what? I never loved you anyway".

Oooooh apparently that fucked her up SOOO bad.

Because she kept grudges with me untill now, because apparently she had genuinely loved me? HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA

for that entire fucking year, she was still working with the company I was in and I had to bear living the rest of my year ignoring the fucker.

Okay there's that. That's the last ex.

Work? Actually I got better at my job for some reason. I joined another team who makes phone interviews for candidates for a call center job. It was literally DOZENS Of them and I worked so fucking hard calling and calling, it felt like a call center job again. But on a positive note, my teammate was this one girl who just got out of a break up. She was mentally unstable and told me her story. And I had to cover most of her work because of her long break recovering from her tooth surgery as well as breaking down in the toilet, crying because of the break up.

She appreciated me so much and felt like she could never repay me for sticking my neck out for her, covering her ass for the client and team that she even contacted me to this day, thinking of me as a good friend.

2018 : Age 29

Hallelujah! In January, my fucking ex resigned. Lol. Joined another company.

I don't think I have much happening this year apart from going to work and back home. My work gets better. This year is when I join a new team, managing a client who recruits aviation engineers. It was great. Great team mates too.

However I started applying other jobs too I think by this year. And someone from an IT company found me. My new boss/colleague now. Best person I've ever known. Called me for an interview and believe it or not, he was the first person I've seen who actually looked through my certificates in my files during the interview. At first the job was for a recruiter position. IT recruitment. I don't have experience in IT at all but I gave it a shot anyways. To my surprise, he told me that actually he has another job for me. An HR admin. He was worried that I wouldn't like it. But WHAT THE FUCK NO I LOVE THAT JOB!

I have been searching for YEARS for a job that doesn't require me to talk to people AND pay good money. All admin jobs paid like shit. And you need experience for those too. I didn't have jack shit.

And this guy, he offered me the job of my dreams, which pays a higher salary. OF COURSE I WOULD TAKE IT! plus it's right next to the train station which was super fucking convenient. I quit my recruiter job in December and joined the new company next year.

I was later told by him that the reason he chose me was not because of my experience, but I spoke good English and my certificate shows that I'm not the kind who would take medical leaves often lol.

I still date the depressed guy. As a new 'person'. I fucking hate myself I can't get out of this habit.

2019 : Age 30

Okay so here is what happened in 2019. A good fucking year I tell you.

Got a new job in January, a dream job where I no longer need to speak to people. But deal with HR admin stuff.

Didn't date anyone. Single as fuck.

Moved out of my rent house. Bought my first home with the help of my dad and Liam.

Discovered my love in RDR2 and got back into video games. Bought PS4 and PS3.

Got involved in a financial investment.

More financially stable.

By end of 2019, my house is finally fully furnished. Liam said he likes how I decorate my house as it looks modern style. Thanks bro.

My role changed in July, an even better role where I manage HR operating system. Still needs to work on it and have more training but I'm getting there, and getting the hang of it.

No friends. Didn't make any. Fine with being alone.

Gained more weight tho.

I don't think I travelled anywhere this year. Too much money spent on the house and maintenance.

My brother moved in with me again and agreed to pay 300 per month maintenance for the house.

Started experimenting with different looks when going out.

Changed my perception in religion.

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doe-eyed-farmboy · 7 years

Text

fun times at the fair with the bf || ira&&grayson

tl;dr: Ira and Grayson go to the fair, have semi-public sex, win prizes, and agree to move in with each other. Not necessarily in that order.

Ira: Ira heard about the festival while on a delivery run-- he saw the poster for the event and automatically knew that he had to go with Grayson. Get a giant teddy bear from now of those rigged carnival games, kiss him on the top of the ferris wheel...all the cliche, sweet things they hadn't been able to do, what with the level of civic unrest. As usual, Gray was going to come down, pick him up, and drive back up into town, which Ira thought was a bit silly, but the chivalry was nice. He leapt up when he heard the knock on the door, beaming as he pulled it open.

Grayson: Grayson hadn't really stopped to think about anything other than the resistance lately. Of course his boyfriend was always a part of his life, but he hadn't had time to really treat him like a boyfriend as of late, and with this festival, he supposed it was the best chance to change that. "hey cutie." he smiled and leaned in to kiss him, "you ready to go? Are we taking pumpkin?"

Ira: "Hey," he said with a smile, leaning up and kissing him, grabbing his coat off the hook by the door. "Ready as ever. Pumpkin is staying home, I took her on her walk and explained that her two favorite people wanted a couple hours out alone. I set out a bunch of toys and things, I'm gonna leave a few lights on, she'll be fine. Do ou want me to get her so you can say hi?"

Grayson: "Look at you, parent of the year." he pulled him in with one arm around the waist so he could kiss him harder, "that's alright, I don't want her to get too excited before we leave her, that may bum her out." he pulled away and began walking towards the truck, "i'll stop by and say hi when I drop you off." He added while opening the door for Ira. "I bet you'll look really cute with all those fall colors today."

Ira: He grinned and let Grayson pull him in, placing his hands on his boyfriend's broad, perfect chest as he kissed him. "That's fair," he said with a smile, following him over to the truck and hopping into the passenger seat when Gray opened the door for him. "Well, I bet you look cute all the time," Ira said with a little laugh.

Grayson: "Never as cute as you." he winked at him before closing the door and walking around to take his seat, waiting for Ira to have his seat belt on before he drove off. "I don't think I've been to a fair in a very long time. Especially not with a boyfriend, so much pressure to show off now. I know this is the true test of whether or not I'm man enough for you." he joked with a sigh, "regardless of what happens today, please tell Pumpkin she was a good kid."

Ira: "Well, it's a masculinity test for me too! What if I'm bad at akee-ball and I can't win you the teddy bear you want?" Ira asked with a smile, leaning his head back against the seat, looking adoringly at Grayson. "You can tell her yourself, when you come home laden with prizes and toys."

Grayson: "well if you don't win, then it's clearly over. I can't possibly be with a man who can't win me a teddy bear." he laughed and reached out to rest his hand on Ira's thigh, "she'll probably think they're all for her. She has quite the attitude already."

Ira: "Well, maybe we'll get stuck at the top of the ferris wheel and I can kiss you and it'll be all better, yeah?" he said with a smile, resting his hand on top of Grayson's. "Oh, of course she will. She's a spoiled little baby and I love her."

Grayson: smiled, "you two are adorable together. Did you look at my phone?" He gestured towards his phone which rested in between their seats, waiting for Ira to press a button so he could see that Grayson's background was actually a photo of Ira and pumpkin together. "just in case I don't get to see you guys."

Ira: "No..." he said, smiling as he picked up the phone, pressing the home button and 'aww'ing loudly, covering his mouth with his free hand. He leaned over and pressed a little kiss to his boyfriend's cheek. "That's so sweet, babe...You're my background too--" he said with a laugh, pulling his phone out and showing him the photo he got of Grayson building the camp in the woods, shirt off and carrying several things hefted up on his shoulder.

Grayson: "that one is significantly more inappropriate." he laughed, "change that before I have one of your employees snickering about it later."

Ira: "Mm...no," he said with a delighted little smile. "You look so handsome! I had that one morning selfie you took and sent to me as the one before, when your hair was all messed up and you were all squinty."

Grayson: "I'll stop sending pictures or taking my shirt of then, got it." he laughed and pulled up to the festival, paying for parking and then driving through until he found a spot. "alright, come on, I gotta feed you so you're happy even if i lose the games."

Ira: "No, I need them," Ira said with an exaggerated pout. "They get me through the cold, lonely nights when you're not with me." He grinned as Grayson parked the car, hopping out and closing the door, hearing the carnival music coming from the fairgrounds and smiling happily. "Mm, yes. Funnel cake, please!”

Grayson: "Just call me when you need me. You know my baby should have no lonely nights." he pulled him in for a big kiss, both arms wrapped around the ginger as he got his fix before heading to the fair, "you don't want a krispy kreme burger?"

Ira: Ira kissed him with a smile, lacing their fingers together and swinging their arms as they headed into the fairgrounds, already ridiculously excited. "Oh, you mean cardiac arrest in a meal worth your entire daily calorie count? Mm....maaaybe later."

Grayson: Grayson lifted Ira's hand to give it a kiss before letting it go, "let's just keep the PDA to a minimum please. You never know who's watching." he said with a small smile as he walked towards the food vendors, "alright, I'll get you a super healthy funnel cake."

Ira: Ira let go of Grayson's hand reluctantly, though he understood why he would rather not. Especially since this festival was being thrown courtesy of Bellamy McNamara, though of course Gray didn't know that. "I mean...funnel cake doesn't have to be healthy, but I do want strawberries on it," he decided.

Grayson: "of course you do, they match your hair." he went up to the counter, ordering a funnel cake for Ira and a churro for himself. "here you go, my love. " he handed him the funnel cake and took a bite out of his churro, "wanna hit the games first? While you eat"

Ira: Ira blushed at the other's sweet little term of endearment, taking the funnel cake and grabbing a plastic fork from the tin in front of the cart. "Mmhm! Do I get to watch you win me some fancy stuff?"

Grayson: "Sure. Or beat up some game attendants until they give me the plush for free." He took another bite from his churro and going to win some game tickets, "I have a pretty good arm I think so why don't we try that one." he pointed a baseball-like game where he had to hit certain moving target. HE was able to hit 3 out of 5 and get Ira a medium-sized squirrel plush. "look at that. I am the man!"

Ira: "No," Ira chided softly, "Don't beat anyone up, silly." He cheered him on like a good boyfriend as Gray hit three of the targets, though occasionally he was cheering through a full mouth, since he was trying to also eat his funnel cake at the same time, which was...not the cutest, but oh well. "You are the /man/, baby," Ira said with a delighted smile, taking the squirrel plush and giving it a kiss on the head.

Grayson: "Pumpkin is definitely stealing that one from you." he laughed, wishing he could lean in and kiss Ira but knowing that a place like this was the last place he needed to be showing affection to anybody. "what should we do next? Wanna show me your skeetball skills?"

Ira: "She'll have teeth marks in it by dawn," Ira agreed, almost instinctively leaning up for a kiss before taking a step back, biting down on his bottom lip. "I can try if you hold my funnel cake!"

Grayson: "alright, I may eat it but that's okay. You love me." HE walked over to the game, standing in front of it as he took the funnel cake and stole a bite out of it. "oh man, these strawberries /are/ good." he said with a mouthful as he watched Ira, "come on baby. I want the giant donut."

Ira: "You paid for it, you can eat it," Ira said with a smile, paying for the skeeball and doing, well, fairly poorly. Ira was not a master at these sorts of things, which were all rigged anyway, so in five shots he made one into the 10-point level and one into the 50, mostly by sheer luck. All in all, he won a little plastic dinosaur ring, which he gleefully slid onto Grayson's pinky finger. "Tara!"

Grayson: Grayson gasped in surprise, "did you just propose without getting down on one knee? unacceptable. My answer is no!" he teased and fed Ira a bite of funnel cake, "let's go to the ferris wheel, I want to make out with you." Ira: Ira accepted the bite of funnel cake, trying to chew and not laugh, because laughing with funnel cake in his mouth would be supremely uncute. "Yes please," he said with a smile as they headed over to the ferris wheel, eager to look out over Aisling from the top of the carnival.

Grayson: Grayson naturally helped Ira into his little pod before they closed the door and began spinning. "so." he said throwing an arm around Ira's shoulder and leaning in to kiss the other's neck, "I'm sorry I've been so busy lately. I've missed you."

Ira: "It's okay," Ira said softly, leaning into the other's touch with a soft smile, resting his hand on his boyfriend's thigh. "I know you've got a lot going on. And I've missed you too. Texting isn't the same!"

Grayson: "It's not, I know. I'll to drop by more often if I can. Maybe we can promise to do dinner at least once a week?" he slipped his hand under Ira's shirt, holding onto his side. "let me see if you taste like strawberries."

Ira: "At least once a week," Ira agreed, kissing him again, gently, as Gray slid his hand under his shirt. He blushed, just barely visible in the ferris wheel carriage, at the idea of being indecent like this in public, even if they were in a little enclosed space. It just...it felt rather daring.

Grayson: Grayson slipped his tongue inside the other's mouth, deepening the kiss as he began to lower his hand, closer to Ira's waistband. "You think I can give you a blow job before we stop the ride?"

Ira: Ira made a small, sweet little noise into the kiss, responding eagerly, though his blush grew far more prominent the further south Grayson's hands traveled. "Fuck-- uh-- I mean, it's a terrible, cheap carnival ride, it'll likely-- likely break down at one point while we're on it, that gives us...time," Ira said breathily, kissing him again.

Grayson: Grayson chuckled, undoing Ira's pants so that he could slip his hand inside the front of his crotch, "well we don't have to if you don't want to." he rubbed Ira's dick through his briefs, "really don't want to inconvenience you."

Ira: Ira practically mewled at the touch, feeling himself getting hot under the collar and hard in Grayson's hand. "If you stop now, mister, I am revoking your visitation rights to Pumpkin," Ira threatened, words muffled as he was simultaneously mouthing at his boyfriend's neck.

Grayson: Grayson gasped, "my little fluff ball? you wouldn't dare!" he bit Ira's lower lip, making his way under the briefs and finally getting a hold of Ira's cock as he began to slowly stroke. "she'd resent you forever."

Ira: "She told me you're only her second favorite person," Ira said, thighs tensing as Gray snuck his hand into his briefs, getting himself together for long enough to fumble at the button of that other man's jeans to return the favor. "She'd get over it, I'm sure," he gasped out, as he felt the rough slide of skin-to skin contact.

Grayson: "you're cruel. I'm bringing her home with me until I become her favorite." he continue to stroke him, his own dick beginning to twitch in excitement as Ira reached down. "god I'm so lucky."

Ira: "No...she's my puppy, remember? That's what you said," he mumbled, finally freeing Grayson's dick and quickly thumbing over the head, enjoying the feeling of it stiffening in his hand. "Nngh...baby..."

Grayson: "shh, but you're mine so she's mine." Grayson sucked in a breath the moment he felt Ira's hand, instantly forgetting where they were or why they shouldn't be doing this. All he cared about was stroking Ira and kissing him with the occassional moan in between.

Ira: The ferris wheel lurched into motion once more, and Ira, who had almost successfully forgotten that they were in public, squeaked slightly as the ride pushed him into Grayson, cheeks red and squirming under his touch, stroking along the other's cock with a newfound determination.

Grayson: Grayson's next point of interest was Ira's sweet neck, which he sucked and bit until a light bruise made its way to the surface. Sure, maybe not the most discrete show of affection--but Ira worked himself, it wasn't like he'd have the need to really hide it from anyone. "how close are you, baby?"

Ira: "I-- I'm close," he said softly, already rather sensitive and squirmy as Grayson stroked him off, doing his best to give Gray the best handjob he could despite being so distracted. The press of the other's lips on his neck was also throwing a wrench into things. The clear mark of possession Grayson was leaving on him was hot beyond /words./

Grayson: licked along the side of Ira's neck, right where the bruise was forming as he tightened his grip and stroke a little faster, helping him get over the edge while he too was distracted. "I love you."

Ira: "Fuck, I love you too," Ira gasped out, rather loudly (probably loud enough for everyone in the next few cars to hear), and with a small moan of Grayson's name, he came, hand stilling on his boyfriend's cock for a moment.

Grayson: With Ira spilling over onto his hand, it only took a few strokes for him to join him. A groan onto Ira's mouth before he took it hungrily and kissed him hard. "tell me how I managed to hit the lottery with you?"

Ira: Ira kissed him back eagerly, and as he pulled away he lifted his hand to his mouth, gently kitten-licking Grayson's cum off of his fingers. It wasn't as though he was going to wipe it on his shirt, or anything, this was probably the best option. He blushed as the other asked his sappy question, shrugging. "I was gonna ask you the same thing."

Grayson: Grayson chuckled, beads of sweat on his face as he followed suit and helped Ira clean up. "once this whole urchin thing passes, why don't we rent a place somewhere and spend the weekend together? Just you and me 24 hours."

Ira: Ira smiled at Grayson with his soft, love-drunk brown eyes, nodding. "Yeah. I'd love that. Just-- get an airbnb somewhere and take a day off."

Grayson: "mhm." Grayson zipped Ira up, giving him a small kiss on the cheek before zipping himself up. "we'll leave pumpkin at a pet hotel or something. Tell her I have to steal all of daddy's time."

Ira: "She won't mind a pet hotel, I don't think," he said, using his clean hand to fix Grayson's shirt a bit, knowing that his hickey was not something that could be hidden by the time they got out of the ferris wheel. He leaned up to steal another kiss, smiling. "Sometime when you have a break. Maybe in the winter, when I don't have anything to do. Or-- maybe this fall. I dunno. I just..I want to be with you all of the time," he admitted softly.

Grayson: Grayson reached out to hold the side of Ira's face, "you know that's what I want too. I want to be with you as much as I can, you're the only thing in this whole damn city that gives me hope."

Ira: Ira rested his cheek in Grayson's palm, smiling gently and reaching up to cup the other's hand with his own. "Move in with me."

Grayson: was caught off guard, pausing for a moment before speaking. "you want me to move in with you?"

Ira: "Yeah," Ira said shyly, just as the ferris wheel paused and their carriage was sitting so that they could see all of Aisling, stretched out and shimmering in the night. "I-- really do. I'll get a bigger bed, I'll buy more drawers for your stuff, I-- I love you, and I want to be with you, and I want to come home to you."

Grayson: Grayson smiled, pulling Ira in for a big kiss. "how can you love me so fast? You don't know much about me, you could regret that quickly."

Ira: "I know enough about you to love you," Ira said, kissing him back eagerly. "If I regret it, I regret it, so what? The world is crazy right now and-- and I want to share this crazy world with you, right now, because you make me feel safe, and happy, and I can't think of anyone I’d rather spend my time with."

Grayson: wasn't sure why, but his instinct was to pull Ira into a tight hug, holding him close and inhaling his scent. "you're too good for this world. and you know I can't say no even if my first instinct is to do that. I need to protect you, and although living with you migh be the worst idea for your safety, it may be the only way for me to keep you safe."

Ira: Ira wrapped his arms tightly around his boyfriend, pressing his face into the crook of his neck and breathing in for a moment, smiling softly. "So...so you will? Move in, I mean?" he asked, voice muffled slightly against the other's shoulder.

Grayson: "Only if you get that bed. I'm very picky about my sleeping habits." He joked, kissing the top of his head as they reached the bottom and were instructed to climb down, Grayson going first before helping Ira down. "come here my little strawberry," he held out his hand, "let me win you the biggest plush toy there is before I take you home to celebrate."

Ira: "We can swap my mattress for yours, how does that sound?" Ira laughed at the nickname, taking his hand and getting down from the carriage, trying his very best not to look freshly sexed-up, though the dark hickey blooming on his neck seemed evidence enough. "That sounds like the perfect way to finish off the night.”

Grayson: It took a while to spot the perfect game, but Grayson settled for a target and bucket game that promised to be difficult but doable. Every try was 2 balls, and it took him til the third one to nail both balls and win the grand prize--the perfect teddy bear. Grabbing it, he turned to Ira, "you sure you can carry it?"

Ira: Ira was absolutely awestruck when Gray won him the giant teddy bear-- honestly, that thing was massive, he wasn't sure if he would be able to properly wrap his arms around it. It might not even fit in the car with them. "I can do it," he said, a determined look on his face as he made grabby hands for it, grinning.

Grayson: Grayson laughed and handed it over, letting go of inhibitions for a second as he accompanied with a kiss on the lips. "we might need to get it its own bed, but i guess so long as you're happy." he smiled and pulled away, "come on, you have a new roommate to impress."

Ira: Ira took the bear and the kiss with unrepentant delight, the squirrel plush safely tucked under his arm as they made their way back towards the parking lot. "I think Pumpkin might like to use mister bear here as her bed. He has a nice soft belly for her to lie on."

Grayson: "you're probably right." He couldn't help but to keep his eyes on Ira, so bright and full of life, there was nothing that could ever take this from him. Grayson would protect him with his life if he had to. That much he knew.

#graysunelder

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myyellowsunflowers · 7 years

Text

I hate my father. I didn't grow up hating him. But for most of my memories now, it's pretty much negative, since it made up of 11 years of my life (currently 25).

When I was young, he used to dote on me, and he treated my mum's side of the family like his true family, and it was definitely reciprocated. Everyone really loved him. When Ahma had very bad wounds, as a medic, my dad cleaned her wounds every day after discharge when no other children dared to do it for ahma. This is one of the many examples of how good a man he was.

My parents met in their twenties, and there was a period of time when my paternal grandma went US (quite a long period of time actually), my dad started staying with my mum and her family. Ahma cooked everyday for him and they were all very close.

Dad was an aspiring entrepreneur. He had a joint venture, a engineering company with his best friend. My mum was an account assistant. All I could remember is that dad was hardly home and he would come home in the wee hours like 3am. He worked hard, but efforts did not pay off. He did not bring home any salary and mum was taking care of the entire family with her own pay which is v minimal. His partner even hired illegal immigrants, and we were so worried sick that one day they might get caught. Eventually my dad decided to pull out of the business venture, and he did not even get a single cent. He did not have the guts to get any money from his partner.

How did we get to stay in a private property? My mum had v good luck and won lots of lottery. So much to be able to afford a private house. However it's the first mistake. My dad did not contribute to the payment of the house, nor the numerous mercedes they changed over the years.

The problem occurred when our neighbor, Mark, approached my dad for mlm. Herbalife and nuskin. My dad was stupid enough to believe that he can make it big too. My mum bring stupidly supportive gave him lots of money when he had to buy products to hit the target. He had no customers, he had to buy the products himself to barely hit the target. And soon, my mum couldn't afford out anymore, and they started having credit card debts. And he still insisted on continue this mlm thing, and even went for many courses to 'become a better person'. These courses costs thousands of dollars as well.

After this failed mlm venture, he decided to sell chocolates. My mum quit her job to help him. I was in primary school and I helped to sell as well. Also a waste of money and time. There were simply so much debt, we sold our house to come back to our current flat we have now.

I wonder if the flat is cursed. The previous owner sold it to us as they were gonna get divorce. We bought it and soon there were more problems.

After the chocolate venture, my uncle introed my dad to work for a fashion jewellery company. Income was stable. However he met this woman, a third party.

Mum only found out when his phone bills exploded for two consecutive months when he usually barely uses his phone. Yes, mum pays for ALL THE BILLS. She buys all the things he use, his clothes etc. He would say that his shoes are spoilt, and my mum would buy one pair almost immediately. My mum may not be the prettiest or the most gentle wife, but for sure is she supportive and generous. In fact it's her weakness that she is so supportive and generous.

And yet, my dad fell for this third party. He confessed when mum confronted him. I was 14 then, sad and scared, I hid under the blanket acting as if I was asleep.

He said he liked the girl cause she is young. My mum is old and the feeling is just now fresh anymore. And he actually compared it to me and my then bf. That his relationship is like mine, new and fresh. It is not. You are married, and you have no rights to have another fresh relationship with another woman outside. Her name is LINDA KOR AH LIAN aka kugualian, and I'll never ever forget nor forgive. All she wanted was his money. Little did she know that my dad is worthless financially. And my dad actually had the cheek to ask for money from my mum to give to kugualian.

My mum beared with all of his nonsense until this fateful day. The father's day of 2008. My dad, mum and I went to visit my paternal grandma. During that period, the channel 8 show was regarding infidelity. Grandma couldn't stop blaming the husband for having anther woman outside of his family. After that, my dad drove us back and dropped us at our bus stop, and he said he is gonna go out. My mum was unable to control her emotions anymore and he forced him to come home through many calls. It was a night I will never forget. Everyone quarreled with everybody. My grandma wanted to hit him and my dad was egging her on. Shouting ensues, while I sat under the clock, crying, hugging my knees, with gigi and snowy by my side.

To think I made a father's day card for him. As he packed up, I threw lots of little notes, asking why he would wanna leave the family, leave me. Till date I don't have my answer.

Eventually, he left home that day. My paternal grandma actually reprimanded my mum for letting him go, as if it was her fault for his infidelity. As if mum is holding on to his money and property, that she had a good life because of him. What a joke. Till date, she still asks me to take care of my dad, without ever mentioning my mum in my future life plans. She hated my mum since the first day they dated. But yes, I digress. I sent many hate messages to that fucking woman, just as she deserved. I never regretted my actions, except that I should have taken a step further. I was too weak.

We should have let him go forever, filed for divorce when we had proof. Instead, all the parties involved met to talk about this. I remember that night, my dad grabbed my hand make me sit beside him. I was too weak to say no. I was wrong to follow. The woman was unscrupulous. Both my dad and her denied their relationship when my dad confessed the first time my mum asked. He was such a bad liar, but my mum was weak. So was I, so we didn't do anything about it.

One week later, his friend made him come home, made us accept.We willingly accepted, hoping it will be a whole new start. I remember, he looked so haggard. I heated up the soup for him, at that instant, I felt hope.

It didn't last. I rmb I was in his car one day. He reprimanded me for texting that woman. He was disappointed that I'm such a person. I can't believe he said that. And he actually expected me to apologize to her. I was weak, all I wanted was peace. I apologized unwillingly. And he scolded me for confiding in my then bf, for making him lose face.

Even though he came back, he heart never came back, even until now. He still asked for money from mum for her. He refused to talk to my grandparents, and yet they cared for him, cooking every meal for him. Grandma even asked me to eat less, so he can have breakfast the next day and bring it out for lunch. I didn't even have my dinner, and she was so ready to sacrifice me for this lousy son in law who hurt her daughter so much.

My dad decided that working for the fashion jewellery company was touch despite the stable income. So he wanted to drive taxi. He didn't even had 2k for the deposit. My mum had to borrow money to support him. Till date, he still haven't repaid her this money. Also not counting all his fines for speeding, illegal parking etc.

Things just progressed. He doesn't talk to anyone. At least he was finally contributing to the familythru stable monthly salary. I was lucky my grades were good enough for a scholarship, if not I'll be still repaying my tuition fee loan. It just progressed til he doesn't come for any gatherings anymore (we still went for cny for his family wtf).

I just can't understand. It progressed to the extent when he didn't even care about the dogs anymore. He refused to bring gigi to the vet when she was v sick. She passed away shortly. Did he even shed a tear? No. What about snowy, he didn't even pet her anymore. He didn't even asked what happened to her when she disappeared forever. He is a monster.

Then one day he refuse to give mum any money at all. Refused to ever send me to work anymore. And that was the breaking point. He was still using all our stuff. Stuff mum bought. He always ate all the stuff without caring for others. When mum confronted him, he was like why should he ask? Why does he even need to ask before eating or using anything since it's his home? Honestly, whenever I ate something that wasn't bought by me, I inform my family every time. He just doesn't have the basic courtesy at all. He said we always threw stuff away without consulting him. Truth is, he bought none of those stuff. He didn't give mum any money, didn't buy any stuff for the family, what was his business caring? He scolded ahgong for the stuff thrown when it wasn't his fault at all. He just liked bullying ahgong cause he was the easiest to bully. If you are truly unhappy, you should have spoke to mum instead of bottling up and having another woman. This excuse is so bad it's like he didn't even bother coming up with a good one.

So the war begins. Everyday his goal is to make mum unhappy, doing everything he can. Eating all our food, using all our stuff. When ahma confronted him, he said he hadn't treated her as a mother in law since the conflict started. Hey, she was fucking washing your clothes, cooking stuff specially for you. How dare you treat her this way.

So the latest update is the war of the TV. He asked mum to move away the TV when she confronted him about him watching tv when he didn't pay for anything. So, I removed the tv cable. Since he didn't pay for it. Fuck. He removed the video cable and mum was unable to watch her dvds anymore. He had no right. Cause he didn't pay for anything, not even the wire. He had no right. I was going to change the wifi password, but mum refused, fearing for the safety of my grandparents. Sigh. Mum confronted him despite me dissuading her (cause I do not like him knowing that he managed to make mum unhappy. In fact I encouraged her to smile at him all the time just to spite him, but she just couldn't). He actually did not have the guts to own up. Seriously. If you have the guts to do it, have the guts to own it.

I regret my actions. For hoping that there will be a second chance. I regret buying him birthday gifts every year, giving him monthly allowances, it was my weakness and stupidity for thinking that he will want good for me. And believe me, he doesn't want me to have happiness. He actually wanted to confront my fiance, and warn him about my family, about how crazy we are. Truth is, he made my family crazy. He was so selfish as to want to ruin my happiness, my marriage, for his ego. He is truly selfish. I cannot bring myself to forgive or forget.

I'm never gonna be so weak, and I must not forget.

And I will remember the lessons learnt.

1) never buy something you cannot afford.

2) don't gamble

3) mlm fucks you up no matter what the 'sapphire' or 'diamond' member says

4) practice open communication

5) don't die die also want to have your own business

6) be contented with a normal life

7) be mindful of credit cards

8) always be filial to your parents

9) created special moments to keep the fire going in your love life. Love required active effort for maintenance, and we should not look elsewhere when no longer feel the fire anymore. You will never stop looking for a next person if that's the case.

10) be strong. I can live without him. I don't need to beg him to love me.

11) some family are just not worth having.

I'm rambling. I should think thru and write in a format that makes more sense. But whatever, nobody reads. I am just trying to make myself feel better. Do I feel better? No. I will not until he leaves. I'm really in so much pain I want to give up. Oh wells, may the next decade of my life be better.

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moirailslut · 7 years

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Responding to: MAKE ME ADMIT STUFF

I'm a nerd and I'm doing it. For no good reason honestly: 1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged? That was my boyfriend, so yes. 2. You talked to an ex today, correct? Nope but I decided to look at his facebook for the first time in years yesterday - it was uninteresting. 3. Have you taken someones virginity? Nothing to take. I've been someone's first time and someone's first time with a guy though. I've also been like three girls' first kiss, even though two of them were stage kisses. One of those still used a lot of tongue, though. 4. Is trust a big issue for you? Nope, I generally give people the benefit of the doubt. I was lucky to have a stable-ish childhood. 5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently? Lots! But if you mean romantically, it's been a week since we've been together but we text daily and had a video call for hours last night - we're moving in together this week! There's lots to talk about, it's a big transition for both of us. 6. What are you excited for? See #5! I'm gonna move in with my boyfriend on Friday!!! He's wonderful and thoughtful and the apartment is great. 7. What happened tonight? I... got home from D&D and called my mom? 8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted? I think this question is disgusting and sexist, and that men are generally encouraged by society to be far more disgusting than women, especially when they get drunk (which they are also encouraged to do more than women, as seen in the wording of this question) 9. Is confidence cute? Loaded question - it can be attractive, but it can also be toxic and gross, especially in men who have been trained to believe in themselves at the cost of discounting others and/or reason/safety. I think earned confidence in something you were once unconfident in can be endearing, particularly to those who saw that change take place! Confidence for its own sake can be gross though 10. What is the last beverage you had? Water 11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust? First, "opposite sex" is such an outdated and awful term, implying two inherent genders at some cosmic diametric odds with each other, which is bullshit. As far as my current (increasingly tenuous) male identity meaning you're asking me about trusting women? Ummm, 'how many' is a weird question. Like trust how? I have like 10-15 female-identifying people I'm very close with, but a lot more family members and the like whom I trust very much. This is a dumb question and seems pretty cissexist and heteronormative, as well as supporting this culture of gendered enmity. 12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans? Multiple. 13. What are you gonna do Saturday night? Sleep, it'll be the day after move-in 14. What are you going to spend money on next? Parking for work tomorrow. Thus question is for kids. 15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed? I'm moving in with him. 16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months? Yes. 17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything? Probably my boyfriend? Depends on the thing. If it's really anything I guess it's my sister. 18. The last time you felt broken? When hearing people insist all couples argued a lot. 19. Have you had sex today? Only with myself. 20. Are you starting to realize anything? ??? I'll get back to you? 21. Are you in a good mood? Somewhat. This is putting me in a weird place I guess. 22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks? What a curveball. Um, only to see them up close, but likely not. Video is fine by me. 23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s? Yes. 24. What do you want right this second? Ice cream and my boyfriend. I'm getting o e on friday, and the other one is in my freezer. Please place them properly to avoid disaster. 25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy? My turn? I'm ok sharing but I like attention too. 26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color? This was written with teenage girls in mind. Yes. 27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh? Probably not 28. What was the last thing that made you laugh? Something my mom said? 29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now? One of my dogs moved to florida with my parents 30. Does everyone deserve a second chance? Very vague, generally yes but that doesn't mean you don't deserve to be safe from them. Abusers use this to lure victims back in. Nobody deserves anything FROM YOU. 31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to? Fuck no - just many of the other ones 32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do? I should hope so 💜 33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda? Yes! There are others? I just always hated carbonation. 34. Listening to? Rainbow by Kesha. You should too. 35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore? Yeah, just started to at work lately and it feels so good 36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is? At home with a fever 37. Do you believe in love at first sight? No but ours was pretty fast. And attraction that leads to love is a thing. I did blow my boyfriend within an hour of meeting him in person, but we'd been talking fir a while by that point and in my defense, the internet in my room had gone out. 38. Who did you last call? My mom 39. Who was the last person you danced with? Myself at the train station the other morning. 40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed? To say goodbye, and that I would see him soon, and that I wouldn't let all the awful things the president wanted to do to him take him away from me, and that I loved him so fucking much. Also, because his train was about to leave but I needed to kiss him one more time. 41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake? Too long ago. 42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today? No but I blew my mom a kiss, does that count? She's far away 43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush? All day erry day. It's my natural state. 44. Do you tan in the nude? I burn in clothes 45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss? Fuck no, did you read what I just said about it? 46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night? Not really. 47. Who was the last person to call you? 💜Babe💜 48. Do you sing in the shower? Where don't I sing? 49. Do you dance in the car? On occasion 50. Ever used a bow and arrow? I rocked at it as a kid, but not in years. I loved the tigers'-eye beads they gave for archery at cub scout camp, so I became an Archery Expert to get a bunch. 51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer? High School 52. Do you think musicals are cheesy? YES, GOT A PROBLEM??? 53. Is Christmas stressful? I give awful gifts 54. Ever eat a pierogi? How is this a question 55. Favorite type of fruit pie? Trick question it's pizza, but I also love most. Blueberry is amazing though 56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid? Archaeologist, artist, singer. 57. Do you believe in ghosts? Only my ghost boyfriend 58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling? Yes 59. Take a vitamin daily? Am I fucking MOTHER TERESA? God, what do you even EXPECT from me, perFECTION? 60. Wear slippers? Rarely 61. Wear a bath robe? Never 62. What do you wear to bed? Bf is converting me to underwear and a t-shirt 63. First concert? PWR BTTM but they're abusers and broke my heart so let's forget that one and say Regina Spektor 64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart? No 65. Nike or Adidas? No 66. Cheetos Or Fritos? Crunchy Cheetos but that's my addiction talking 67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds? What? I guess peanuts 68. Favorite Taylor Swift song? No? 69. Ever take dance lessons? I got told I could not take a coed bellydancing class once because I was the first guy to show interest and the instructor would have had to have asked the students, which she just decided not to do. She also didn't tell this to my friend (who had asked the teacher if I could come and been told yes) until we were literally walking into class, me in shorts I had just bought for the class. She basically told me it was for the students' comfort which I understood even though I'm queer, but then was like you can sit in and watch maybe? But that seemed even weirder so I just went gome 70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing? Assuming everyone gets married is bullshit 71. Can you curl your tongue? Lotsa ways 😉 72. Ever won a spelling bee? Nah but I've been in the musical 73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy? Yes 74. What is your favorite book? Probably one of the Circle of Magic books but I dunno which one 75. Do you study better with or without music? I don't study well 76. Regularly burn incense? No 77. Ever been in love? Yup 78. Who would you like to see in concert? More queer people 79. What was the last concert you saw? Tank and the Bangas!!!! They were so good 💜 80. Hot tea or cold tea? All Tea (all shade) 81. Tea or coffee? Teaaaaaa 82. Favorite type of cookie? Chocolate chip? Madeline? Raspberry marzipan? Thumbprint? Rainbow? Black and White but only the white side because I'm ✨racist against icing✨? Lots 83. Can you swim well? Sorta 84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose? Yeah I guess 85. Are you patient? Sorta? 86. DJ or band, at a wedding? Me, in The Best Dress, singing my little heart out 87. Ever won a contest? Yes! Mostly math stuff 88. Ever have plastic surgery? No 89. Which are better black or green olives? Green 90. Opinions on sex before marriage? Sex is great, marriage is problematic, def do the first one first. Also like, this is such an outfated question wtf 91. Best room for a fireplace? All of them 92. Do you want to get married? Yeah but blame Disney for that propaganda. I'm getting over it, my bf is very against the state getting involved in relationships. That said, we might have to get married for dumb legal reasons for his well-being? It's gross and not a fairytale at all

#why did i do this #ask #sorta #mal talks #to themself #long post #sorry

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survivorbahamas · 7 years

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EPISODE FOUR: “FUCK WITH ME AND YOU’RE DEAD” - ADRIAN

Remember how I said that Adrian thinking Brian is Heidik is good for my game? Well that's entirely true! Brian and I had talked a little bit before, but it hadn't been anything good. However, once this Heidik inside joke came up, we started having some great conversations. We're pretty similar actually, which is incredible. We both like working with people who we like rather than people we can beat. There's also a bunch of real life similarities, and we get along pretty well. We're both REALLY enjoying Adrian's gullibility, which is a huge plus. He shared his google doc of possible idol locations with me to fill out a little bit more, and I discovered that Kai is the other person on the doc. Excellent!!! I love my position on this tribe. He also let me in on the Chris vote and what exactly happened. I just assumed 4 people came together to blindside Chris, but in reality, it was a 3 person thing with Jaiden at the center. Jaiden had a Chaos idol, which made it so that the person with the least votes would be voted out. If it was a tie, then there would be a rock draw. Brian played his "secret tribal" advantage which made Jaiden safe from having everyone know that he was the one who screwed our tribe over, and Brian voted for me due to Jaiden's suggestion to keep me safe. Alledgedly. I can't imagine Jaiden wanting to keep me safe, but I can tolerate Brian having lied to me. It's a perfectly logical lie to tell, but I'd think Jaiden would rather protect himself than me. Jaiden is playing super fucking hard, and I think it's really funny. I'd like to keep him around, because he's a massive target when the merge hits, just because people don't want irrational people in power.

i'm hungry too

I'm feeling in a good position in this tribe.. me and Brian are definitely in some form of power postion because we've been talking to two pairs of people so..feeling good

I'm a paranoid mess I swear I thought I was gonna get blindsided so I would have to play my idol when the voted ended up being unanimous lmao. I do feel horrible for Mitch tho but I wish him the best ❤ But now my lil alliance with Lily and Nicholas and Dana has control so hopefully we are all mergees wee woo

https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=9PMntAfl2Ag&feature=youtu.be

hola long time no see! whew so our tribe just voted out mitch and i feel bad because he was such a nice king. i dont really care that he voted for me bc i never really put in the effort to talk to him! either way i am in a GREAT position right now. i have zach and jenna who will do whatever i say. and i also have queen lily who is my #1 in this game and is such a loyal ally and such a good person to include me in an alliance with her, willa and dana! something that will make sure i know about willa's idol plans and i can choose what info to leak to jenna and zach to make sure my targets go home. i am pretty close with gage too so i doubt he would target me either! life is pretty good right now and i put in some effort to help with immunity and i should be good this round no matter what happens!

so idk what's happening in this game and who's with who because we really haven't gone to tribal recently. i'm in two alliances that consider to be the majority so i think i'm safe if it does come down to it. jaiden is really far up my ass so if he hears anything about my name being thrown around he'll make sure i don't go, love that kid. but anyways hopefully we can win immunity and hopefully merge is soon idk how survivor works but all i know is that i have friends on the other tribe who won't go against meh!

Honestly, I hate the tumblr tags challenge. Because everyone is like "idk how to use tumblr." Like bitches, it is NOT hard pls. Then everyone else is like "haha this is so funny," and i'm like pls I am the last great king of comedy, this is dumb as fuck. But whatever, judges are judgin right now and hopefully things are workin out in our favor because shit do I have some thoughts on how our next vote might go down. Last night we voted Mitch, which was lowkey kind of easy because he said he would self-vote/ might have to leave because he was vv sick. So everyone kind of came together on that. I talked to Jenna for the first time and she just asked me, BLUNTLY might I add, who the target was. Now I said idk, even though I knew it was Mitch. Then she came to me and was like, I'm hearin Mitch so I was like "ya just heard that," which was like 1/2 tru. I was wondering where she heard that, but initially didn't really think about it. So everything worked out fine last night and me and my hidden immunity idol child were safe. Tribe chat rn has me SHOOK though. Because I'm starting to realize that not only is Jenna close with Zach, she is close to Nick too. For some reason Nick knows her ex GF's name? Which is S K E T C H. anyway they are closer than I initially thought. Well i'm not dumb, so things are starting to come together. Nick probably told Jenna that Mitch was the target first before/ while she was talking to me. Now this gets complicated, because Willa, Nick, Lily, and I are in an "alliance." Last night before we solidified on Mitch this is what happened in the alliance chat. [5/30/17, 6:36:22 PM] Lily Douma: Zach is awesome. I would love to have Zach around. I'm concerned about a certain duo (Jenna and Zach) so Jenna might be a good call for this vote. But I'm fine with Mitch too cause it might be hard for him to be active in our tribe considering the pneumonia [5/30/17, 6:37:34 PM] WillagonMasuta: I'd feel bad for voting Mitch out but perhaps it's for the best for both him and us. However i think Jenna is certainly more threatening [5/30/17, 6:39:17 PM] Lily Douma: That's true. This sounds like such a bad breakup [5/30/17, 6:44:12 PM] Lily Douma: I agree. I'm totally down to vote for Mitch but likeeee I also feel like we might regret not taking Jenna out when we could have. Ughhh [5/30/17, 6:47:16 PM] WillagonMasuta: You down to vote Jenna then? [5/30/17, 6:50:44 PM] nicholas [sinnoh host]: hi guys I’m home! [5/30/17, 6:51:01 PM] Dana Barry: Ah fuck sorry i was nappin! Im here [5/30/17, 7:00:38 PM] Dana Barry: So what's the plan? I probably have to vote soon because my friend and her bf just broke up and i need to go help her handle her life [5/30/17, 7:02:03 PM] nicholas [sinnoh host]: whew ok id prefer to vote mitch bc he seems like more of a comp threat later on down the line but if i am the only one who wants to vote mitch i will do whatever yall legends want [5/30/17, 7:08:08 PM] Dana Barry: Do we know if Jenna and Zach are planning on voting Mitch? [5/30/17, 7:08:29 PM] nicholas [sinnoh host]: yeah i think so [5/30/17, 7:09:36 PM] Dana Barry: Ok I haven’t talked to Zach about it, but it seemed Jenna was so maybe there is more security in sticking with Mitch? (in case Gage finds his way back here in like 2 hrs?) But hoenstly doesnt matter to me! Two things about Nick in this conversation stand out to me, and I'm kind of just realizing this today as I read it back, which I only did because I was thrown off by them talking in tribe chat. 1) Nick says he would prefer Mitch to Jenna. Ok, innocent enough if you don't know that Nick and Jenna are pals and Nick is probs keepin her around so he can work with her now or later. 2) When I ask if we know how Jenna and Zach are planning to vote, Nick responds saying he thinks they are voting Mitch also, letting us all know he's been talking to either one or both of them. Alright, so now we get to the part of this confessional where we talk about how this impacts miss me, the queen of this shady tribe. Nick is untrustworthy at this point. He could be in my current alliance, but also likely has one with Jenna and Zach. Idc if he even does or not, im operating under that assumption moving forward. This means: 1) I am going to be vague as fuck (as I already have been) in the alliance chat. I throw out no names, pretend to pop in last minute etc. This way if Nick is feeding info, it's not anything coming from my mouth. 2) Talk to Gage more. Gage is one of the people on my tribe i've talked to the most. He isn't in my "alliance," but he made it clear he wants to work with me. I need him in case Nick isn't being loyal. That still gives me 4-3 advantage if Nick flips. 3) Talk to Nick 1-1. The best way I can stay informed here is by getting close with Nick. That way I gain access to some info he has. I might even spill one of my idol clues to him if I feel like that would solidify trust. I will make him want to be my closest ally. This way he will feel like i'm working with him, not our alliance, which can only benefit me. 4) Get closer with Zach and Jenna. Be as honest as possible with them. This way if they know about the "alliance" from Nick, they know i'm still a free agent of sorts. 5) Get ready to make a move and be problematique if necessary. I can't go forward in this game with a 2-3 person group that is this close. IF they get to the merge, and join up with Julia, who we already know Zach is friends with, and Jaiden (who is friends with Julia, debatable?), that could really fuck things up for me. Even though I will be re-joining Bodhi if I get that far. This is why i need Gage. Because i don't want to cause suspicion around myself by doubting Nick's trust in front of Willa or Lily. If they don't catch on to Nick's other connections, they might accidentally say the wrong thing and seal their fate. By avoiding saying the wrong things myself, one of them can take the bullet for me. But I also could pull Gage, Willa, and Lily together to make a move if I had to. That would need to be a VERY last minute move to avoid giving people time to go talk about it without me, but I'm ready to do it in order to break up this group if I have to. Finally, I got a 10% disadvantage when looking for the hidden immunity idol. I know, WHY WOULDN'T THIS HAPPEN TO ME. Like I've said, i'm going to need an immunity idol per round to make it through this game alive. I decided (I think) that i'm just going to be up front with my tribe and tell them about the disadvantage to build trust. I'd rather them hear it from me than the hosts. If we win this challenge, i'll tell them right away. If not, i'll tell them right after tribal (assuming I make it past the vote) and just doctor the times on my "quoted" messages with Logan to make it look like I looked right before our tribal, that way it doesn't factor into me potentially going home. I know- genius. Hopefully we win immunity though i got my doubts! Time to go initiate conversation with Nick!

i feel like i did 99% of the work on this but it's actually ok bc i love tumblr and my blog has had a solid 250 followers since 2011 so i have blog experience™

I don't know what I'm going to do. Jaiden fucked up the challenge, even if nobody talked but I think he did most of it so... but Adrian hates me and Brian is sketchy to me. Bodhi is annoying.

Tonight, I think something big is gonna happen. I hope I don't have to whip out my sapphire idol because who KNOWS what's really going to happen. All I know for sure is that the vote is between Adrian and Brian, I think... Brian was gunning for Adrian, while Rob might be gunning for Brian. Who knows what's going to happen, honestly. Brian has the clue to the idol so I'm not really sure if he's found it yet or if he's even shared it with anyone else. He promised he would send it to me when he received it but then never actually sent it, so it's obviously a huge concern that he's going to nab it before we have the chance to blindside him. It's weird how quiet he's being today and I just have this suspicion that he's coming after me, which is incredibly ugly. Kai hasn't talked to me much either. As it stands, Julia and I are the flip votes for tonight's tribal council. Bodhi, Kai, and Brian on one side, then Adrian and Rob on the other. I don't really trust the former, but Adrian is quite annoying and I wouldn't mind seeing him go either... We'll have to wait and see. The decision Julia and I will make must be made as soon as possible because I'm extremely scared on what will happen if we mess this up...

But here's another thing. I think Brian would be expecting us to vote him out this round. Theres nothing I can do if he already has the immunity idol except hope for a swap after tonight and I don't have to worry about him coming after me with it in his possession. So why don't we go for someone else that no one would expect? I don't trust Kai as far as I can throw him and I already have a feeling that he's a catfish. It's just so unlikely that, under the circumstances, this total newbie is gonna sign up and play this game. I don't trust him. Maybe instead of Brian, it'll be Kai. We'll see. All I know is that I might have a lot more control over my alliance than they think.

I'm kind of glad we lost this challenge because it means we can get rid of the person on the bottom and hopefully things will get more interesting!

Why did rob have to leave he was my best friend.

so rob walked and im kinda upset by it because me him and jaiden we're rly close but i think me and jaiden will be able to survive without him. from what i heard, ive gotten the best time on the puzzle and im hoping that even if we do go to tribal these men wont want to vote me out. i think im in a good position on my tribe and when merge happens ill be in an even BETTER position. hopefully i can keep on floating by and everyone will think im an idiot B)

So I guess tribal got cancelled. In every ORG, there's always someone who goes home because they didn't do the challenges or they decided to leave for personal reasons. Quits are profoundly different than a medical evacuation because its the decision to leave over something you feel hinders your ability to continue playing... I should know. Rob quit today, and sometimes you see it coming from a mile away. Sometimes it hits you like a train, and that's how it felt to see that he left. Rob is one of my good friends outside of this and of course I set into immediate panic mode that something is wrong with someone I care about. I'm still panicking. I don't know what came about him today to make him choose to leave but I hope it's something he can deal with... I worry too much about these things. I don't want anything to be wrong with him. Although this is a game, you're still surrounded by people you know and likely have some level of feeling towards. It just so happens I was put in this game with a close friend of mine, and now he's gone. He didn't get voted out. He took himself out of the game. I've been in that position before where I've wanted to leave and tell no one, and when its for something personal like he says, I am brought back to those dark places I've been where leaving was the only option I had. To even think that he's going through anything remotely similar to what I went through is heartbreaking... I shouldn't be confessing this but I am. I care about Rob. I hope he's okay. I need to pick myself up and not dwell on something I have no control over because the game is still afoot and no one else needs time to think about what they could've done to change his mind. Maybe it was for the better for him. These games mean nothing when your real life is being played with... I wish I could've understood that a lot earlier than I do now. If I can still press on, I'm going to always tell myself that this was for Rob. I hope I make him, and everyone else who believes in me, proud.

So I'm really happy with how the last round went down. I was about to be booted off by some idiot that thought it would be funny to pull. But in the end- Rob spared me from elimination. Only providing me more time to concoct a plan to get rid of Brian in the days to come xoxo Fuck with me and you're dead. Bitch.

If we win this with a half hungover tribe with a 10% disadvantage then I will probably die. Fortunately going to tribal is no big deal since Jenna can just go, I think she's hilarious but shes a threat not aligned with me so buh bye.

AAAANNDDD WE'RE BACK! Working on the puzzle challenge right now with my 10% disadvantage. I got 4:32 right now, which goes up to 4:59 with the disadvantage. And here I was, thinking that my score would certainly be the worst. BUT NO. Because Jenna got 6:19, which isn't good, and says she can't do it again. How am I over a minute faster than someone WHEN I HAVE A DISADVANTAGE. That literally SHOULD NOT happen. I just want us to win so I don't have to think about tribal. It's also funny as fuck because I told my tribe about the disadvantage, and they're actin like i'm really facing a lot of adversity and they keep cheering me on. Like I don't give a fuck about what this disadvantage means for me personally, i'm not even sad about it, I just didn't want my tribe to think I was dishonest so I was upfront about it. Also my plan to get close to Nick is like vaguely working. I think i'm going to drop him an idol clue if we lose this challenge. Gage and I are getting closer too. He sent me this last night, which is what he got when he went to exile: [6/2/17, 12:38:46 AM] Gage :): Hello I want you to have this [6/2/17, 12:38:49 AM] Gage :): While in the triangle you find a rolled up piece of paper. You wait till you get back to open it, and it says this: missing just like you, look to the flight with more than 2 You are searching for a password to enter into this password protected blog: https://survivorbahamasidol.tumblr.com/ And when I got this message I was like FUCK YA, i'm goin to start looking for that idol, except then the hosts told me I can't soooo basically Gage's information is of no use to me. But it does show me that there is some trust there. Hopefully I'll get exiled because I got some ideas on how I could decipher this clue.

I'm sorry for not writing sooner. I suck. I know. A lot has happened. I have an alliance on my new tribe at Isabella (not fixing that I'm on mobile...typical). It consists of me Nicholas, Willa, and Dana. I think this is the best for me. I love Zach but he has badly betrayed me before and keeping my tribe stronger and snagging Dana on the side is really the best option. Jenna is clearly a major threat. She is great in a lot of the more creative challenges. I hope that after this vote Zach will still want to vote with Nicholas and I and just understand how much of a threat Jenna was. This is a tough and terrible vote. Very unexpected compared to the last vote for Mitch. Mitch was an easy vote. Very sad because I miss Mitch and I hope he is doing better! But everyone agreed it was best for the tribe moving forward. And I'm not sure if voting Jenna is the best decision but I think it will at least help me for a while. It might be a big risk but sometimes that's what pays off. I'm off to Grand Rapids and have a busy day tomorrow so hopefully I don't fuck up another challenge. I feel like I'm always just not as good at some of these challenges but at least I'm still trying and not sitting out. I'm having a blast meeting so many amazing people again this game. Can't wait to see what happens next because I can sense a merge.

I'm in a good spot on my tribe, and I don't want to overplay. As a result, this pre-merge is becoming incredibly boring. I'm at least a little close with pretty much everyone on the tribe. I've got Dana as a super close ally on the other tribe. If everything comes together just right, Kai's allies on the other tribe are working with Dana, and he + Brian can reunite with their old friends, bringing me along, and not realizing that Dana and I are going to consume them all. But for now I just wait for my tribe to lose immunity or something like that to happen.

Me? Going missing? It's more likely than you think.

i hope the frick its merge soon! i love everyone left on our tribe and if we dont merge soon im going to literally go ape shit if i have to vote off either lily, dana or willa or zach! > : (

how DARE THEY use the time while i have sex to PLOT AGAINST ME ! lily? dana? jokes on #you bc i have a #votesteal and #nicholasismydad and #zachismyson . that's 4 votes sweetie :*

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defunctblogtobedeleted · 7 years

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6/25/17, 5:30am - idk

Another long two weeks on the books. I really like this update schedule, it’s like just long enough that I don’t forget everything that happened lol.

I had a really weird dream sometime this week. It was kind of amazing, so I feel like writing about it for a sec. I was on some like cobblestoney/brickey kind of streets. A little bit Doctor Who London meets Chapel Hill I suppose, and all around me people were starting to riot. I think it was a feminist riot like I had encouraged Cullen to do months ago, and people were starting to shoot at each other. I was like duck this and took off running, but as I made my way down these outdoor escalators by a target I got scooped up by a group of five girls. Each of them grabbed a hold of one of my limbs and held me down and the last had a bat and was ready to smash my junk to pieces. I was like crying or something screaming not to hit my balls because they were still fragile lmao. When all seemed lost and I was about to take a beating one of the girls got bit by a fucking zombie on the neck and started gushing blood. All the girls freaked and I knew it was my time to get the fuck out of there so I bolted like hell. I ended up finding a laundromat tucked into a corner of this outdoor mall and so I decided to build myself a barricade there. I let in a little girl and her family, and they helped me move the washers and dryers, stacking them up (I guess I was superhuman or they weighed like nothing) to build a giant barricade at the entrance. We were safe from the zombies for a while, but some government agency started taking them down outside. What looked like an enormous leech made its way inside, and I held it up to see that it had a big mouth and teeth in the center of its belly. One of the zombies tried to make a big enough crack in the washers to get in, and I held up the leech who ate the zombie whole. But the government or somebody was trying to get us to come out of our hiding spot, saying they only needed one of us. When the family decided they were going to get rid of me because they didn’t know me I decided that this was bullshit because it was MY hiding spot, and furiously threw the leech out of the place. It landed in the middle of a small platoon of guys and exploded, turning them all into zombies. Then I was like holy shit this got even weirder and I woke up lol.

____

So anyway, Sunday I managed to get a nap in before heading out to pick up frankie. we talked for a while while fonzi was getting ready and all headed out to this food truck rodeo. We had some of the most delicious shit. Not gonna elaborate too much, but there were these pork belly bun sandwiches that exploded with a crackling of meat flavor and rounded with the savoryness of the fat in every bite. Holy shit I could eat them like every day of my life lol. We spent a good couple hours there, started doing this meme where Fonzi decided that Frankie looked like a celebrity from new york because her hair is all blonde too now. Since Sean and Angel didn’t come to meet us, we decided to hang out at angel’s for a bit. Just chilled and talked for a while while we deliberated whether or not to go swimming. When we finally decided to it was sunset, so his pool was closed, and then we tried to go to my pool but it was padlocked. Pretty damn disappointing, but we walked around catching fireflies and listening to music, which was nice. I took frankie home, but missed a turn and then a road was closed so we ended up detouring through chapel hill, and I decided we needed to stop and take a walk through the arboretum. Ended up going to one of the little grassy openings and in this big oak(?) tree up above us the fireflies must have been mating. In that particular tree they lit up every couple of seconds, making it sparkle in the night. There were so many fireflies that it was like a constant twinkling, like moving christmas light strung up between the leaves. It was beautiful. But not romantic in any sense unfortunately. lmfaooo she called me out asking if I was going to try to make out with her while we walked into the garden and I tried to play it off coyly like “who me? You were the one who kissed me last I remember.” and she had forgotten about this time that I may have actually imagined in my head so who fucking knows. The long and short of it is it seems like there isn’t an ounce of me that she’s attracted to. So that might work really well if I randomly decide to take her up on her aloof offer to move in with her in Boston one day. Who knows. I stll don’t know what I want to do.

Mon - work. Tony told me at the last minute I wouldn’t have patients that weekend, so I had to work mon and weds and take a hit on tuesday to follow through on my date with Katy

Tuesday I kicked some fucking assssss in doubles. Carried my buddy Will hard to get some experience for BMR. And Katy came after she got off work! I got to introduce her to ashleigh, it was sick. I was so fucking happy to have her there and so excited to get laid and so tired from burning out from doubles that I got demolished in singles and took off. Butttt unfortunately katy wasn’t feeling well so she fell asleep on me like Immediately when we got home. Was nice cuddling up with her though. Was torn for a while because I felt like I should be trying to hang out with Ashleigh and Aaron instead. Decided not to because she wasn’t feeling well and I should try to make her feel better because I’m a sappy fuck.

weds - work

thurs - had another really low key day with Katy. kinda just hung out until she got off work and then we just slept again. Bleh.

Luckily since I got the weekend off, it left me free to see Tony and Morgan for their birthday!! It was a fucking awesome weekend, showed up just in time friday night to smoke and go to dinner with everybody. Everybody fucking cheered when I came in the door, it’s like nothing ever changes with us I love all of em so much. Finally got to meet Tony and Morgan’s S.O.’s, and I like them both a lot. Once we were all a little stoned and being a little awk Laura made this hilarious offhand remark “ok, welcome to the conference. These are your friends.” that both became a great in-joke and also made me feel less terrible for being socially inept when I got high as balls for the first time in forever lmfao. Dinner was insanely good, we got like a whole bunch of small dishes at this place Pasteur or something, ate family style and got to try so many different dishes. I remember steak tar tar and this rib that was like eating caveman bacon on a stick being incredible. Also fried pickles and all sorts of stuff. Had a couple beers there, went to a bar and bought tony a tequila shot, got home, pulled the liquor out of my car and everybody got toootally fucking wasted. I don’t remember all that much, a little bit of a nostalgia fest with Alex for a while. Tony made the clutchest move ever ordering us a pizza super late in the night. But not too much later after gorging myself I puked my guts out and crashed on an air mattress with Erica lol. Was probably drunk enough that I might have tried to make moves otherwise, even though she has a bf now apparently you know me -_- . She’s lookin suppper fit nowadays. I think she’s still uniquely the only girl I’ve rejected in my life. Back when I was just a pure little kid and didn’t want to do anything sexual without it being special yet. Fuckin weird typing that now lol it doesn’t sound like me at all.

Saturday was river day, bought some beer and hiked with it about a mile to this river and spent most of the day there smoking drinking and chatting. It was fucking gorgeous out there, and everyone looked great together laying around on this rock. Got to know Dana and her gf much better, and tony’s gf. I think I drank like 5 or 6 beers floating around in the river, it was a lot of fun trying to ford across (it had poured that morning so the water was flowing pretty fast) without spilling any beers lol. Towards the end of us hanging out in the lake me and Laura floated around in this raft morgan had brought, and alex was reeling us in and casting us back out again like he was our dad. Such an excellent day. Until then I hadn’t told anyone about my vasectomy because I didn’t want to take attention away from everyone else, seeing how it had become such a talking piece on our family vacation and how much of my conversation with frankie had revolved around it. But I mentioned it in the river and said that it was because once I found out it was reversible I felt like the onus of birth control shouldn’t be put on the woman. Everyone was just like “huh wow that’s fucking awesome I totally agree,” and I like swam away for a bit instead of discussing it further. But when we were hiking back up to our cars Mike told me “yknow you might’ve started like a revolution back there with the vasectomy thing.” I was pretty fucking drunk and a little high so I honestly wondered if he was just fucking with me for a second, but I really appreciate that he said that after all the shit I got from my family. So that was a long ass afternoon of being out in the sun, and everyone got exhausted and fought to stay up but seemed like after we got back at some point everyone took a turn of getting too high and getting zonked out on the couch. I took a nap in Tony’s bed until his dad got there and got to see him for a bit. More great food was cooked, but I felt bad that I was so tired because I kinda wanted to rage again, especially since some new people came to hang that night, but not people that I knew. As a present Tony got the fire pit from their old house, and it was really neat to have another fire and sit around it with everyone. Sunday Tony and Morgan and some people cooked an enormous breakfast for everyone. Hung out with Mike and Erica and all talked about how good we look now lol. Eventually we said our goodbyes, I stuck around after everyone had left to chill with Mike and Tony for a while because I had nothing to do back at home. Katy decided she didn’t want to chill. I had waited on my dad for a long time to see him for lunch and so I didn’t smoke too much but got a little inebriated and watched nearly a whole season of Silicon Valley with Mike and Tony and his gf and Mary. Sun - came back at 4, got home at 7, idr that night. Mon - Stayed up until like 6am watching Doctor Who, had to go to chapel hill for a JKCF function at 9, barely slept at all but met some new cooke friends so that was cool. Went to raleigh w/ will to play melee, got suuuper fucked. Went 0-2 in singles AND doubles, the worst placing I’ve had in... well ever, but it’s been months since I’ve had one that bad. Tues - Had a redemption tournament at Geeksboro. Got second place, actually won a little money. Disappointed that I threw away a few games that might’ve given me first but had a lot of fun. Katy told me she was sick that morning, and since she had been no fun to hang out with the last week and she bailed on our plans for Sunday and that day I decided to break things off with her. She was confused and hurt, of course, but I was just like “this is bullshit you’re treating me like I’m not a friend” and we hashed things out about her worrying about me having too strong feelings and that we’d just be friends who have sex and watch cartoons and stuff. So we’ve still been snapping every day but I still haven’t seen her in a while. I’m glad we’re still friends though, I was feeling helllla fucking self conscious for a hot minute.

Weds - I hung out watching Doctor Who most of the day, but went out to the bar Ashleigh was working to hang out for a while. She introduced me to her friend who was kinda plastered and seemed like she was leaning for a kiss on our introductory hug. So I was like woooooooh baby I love gboro people I can’t believe I have to play catchup at fucking 11pm lmao. Chugged a few free beers for this Shocktop promotion, and since I hadn’t eaten anything I got just tipsy enough that I could flirt with her without feeling like a Total asshole. We were chatting about some music and stuff, went inside and danced for the tiniest bit, and then she basically kissed me three times. Nothing egregious or any tongue or anything because I was still wary of her being a little off her ass, but I realized I got a text from ashleigh saying “come talk to me.” I was like “oh what’s up?” and she said “well it doesn’t matter now, it’s just that she’s married, they’re in a rough spot but I didn’t realize it was That rough.” ha haaaaaaaaaaa goddamn just my luck lol. She ended up puking on the side of the bar, I made better friends of a few of the regulars and played pool with them, I hung out with Aaron when he showed up at the end of the night and got to hear about the drama between him and his old roommate, and I sang a bunch of karaoke. Another fucking wonderful night, fshoooo. Got a philly cheesesteak and passed out, was super hungover the next morning lmao.

Thurs - got off work early story of that girl that I posted Fri - work, getting ready for bmr, finally got my spare setup in the office at work I’m so fucking happy it doesn’t make enough noise that it disturbs the patients. I’m gonna be a god one day lolol.

Also just as a benchmark I’m 4 episodes into season 8 of doctor who now. Comin along nicely. Def the hardest I’ve binged on a show in a longggggggg time.

OH and last I learned how to solder on weds. Finally did the work on that controller mod and it fucking brokkkkeee kinda tragic, I had to throw out the guts of the controller that I learned to play the game on. I thought I was going to be fucked for a while, but luckily Will had my back and lent me one of his spares that works even better than the one I had before. Might have actually been lucky as fuck despite being out $50 on the microchips and soldering kit lmao.

Anyway my life is amazing, I’ve been doing personal finance numbers in my head a lot but I think that’s because I’m just reassuring myself that I don’t have to worry about money much anymore. Eating well, still not doing much french fries, trying to quit soda. Started doing pushups+situps+pullups before my showers, so maybe I’ll be a little fitter, even. Life’s pretty great. So fucking excited for BMR2 next weekend, hopefully I’m gonna kick some ass. Gonna be a muchhh nerdier update next time I get on here lol.

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angrymuffin16 · 7 years

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all the questions? only if you want to lol

Fuck yeah! Thanks so much!!!1. Would you have sex with the last person you text messaged?The only person I ever wanted to have sex with actually lol2. You talked to an ex today, correct?Don't have any ex's lol3. Have you taken someones virginity?Nope4. Is trust a big issue for you?Oh yeah definitely. It's hard for me to open up, because I think that people won't love me5. Did you hang out with the person you like recently?Just saw my bf yesterday6. What are you excited for?Currently... moving in with my boyfriend, which will probably be next month. 7. What happened tonight?I napped after work, ate snacks and hung out with my family a bit, texted my bf and talking about things with him, but he went to bed, so I'm just on tumblr and listening to music now, lol not much obviously.8. Do you think it’s disgusting when girls get really wasted?Eh idk no, just people getting wasted in general probably lol9. Is confidence cute?Sometimes, yeah I guess. 10. What is the last beverage you had?A monster11. How many people of the opposite sex do you fully trust?Like maybe 4? My bf and a couple family members probably.12. Do you own a pair of skinny jeans?That's like all I own lmao13. What are you gonna do Saturday night?I have a work meeting thing ugh14. What are you going to spend money on next?I need some new clothes, so probably that I guess.15. Are you going out with the last person you kissed?Indeed. I'm going out with the only person I've ever kissed.16. Do you think you’ll change in the next 3 months?Yeah probably. I hope to be a bit more mature and taking better care of myself and more independent17. Who do you feel most comfortable talking to about anything?My boyfriend18. The last time you felt broken?Lol yesterday and today probably 19. Have you had sex today?No lol20. Are you starting to realize anything?Starting to realize that I'm terrible to myself and it affects people important and close to me.21. Are you in a good mood?Not really.. no22. Would you ever want to swim with sharks?... No. I'm afraid of large bodies of water anyway lol23. Are your eyes the same color as your dad’s?No. My dad's are brown and mine are kinda hazel 24. What do you want right this second?A break from work and people... and just to sleep and be with my bf. Also, money... But I always want that25. What would you say if the person you love/like kissed another girl/boy?Honestly I'd be so heartbroken I couldn't function. Actually it'd be worse than that probably. 26. Is your current hair color your natural hair color?Yeah, but with highlights27. Would you be able to date someone who doesn’t make you laugh?No definitely not. I'm mostly attracted to someone's sense of humor, so I honestly couldn't date someone who couldn't make me laugh. 28. What was the last thing that made you laugh?Idk probably something odd my brother said lmao29. Do you really, truly miss someone right now?My boyfriend. And especially since he keeps going to sleep before me, I get all lonely and miss him more cuz we usually text and call each other more at night.30. Does everyone deserve a second chance?Ehh... Idk probably not31. Honestly, do you hate the last boy you were talking to?Not at all 32. Does the person you have feelings for right now, know you do?Yep lol33. Are you one of those people who never drinks soda?HAHAHA. No. I live off of soda at this point34. Listening to?Danganronpa 3: Despair opening35. Do you ever write in pencil anymore?No I really don't like pencils36. Do you know where the last person you kissed is?Yeah lol. Unfortunately he's not with me though37. Do you believe in love at first sight?Eh.. yeah probably38. Who did you last call?My doctor's office lol39. Who was the last person you danced with?Can't say that I've danced with anyone40. Why did you kiss the last person you kissed?Cuz I love him41. When was the last time you ate a cupcake?Honestly can't remember42. Did you hug/kiss one of your parents today?Nope43. Ever embarrass yourself in front of a crush?Yeah lol. I especially embarrass myself in front of my bf of course44. Do you tan in the nude?Uh.. I don't tan in general lmao45. If you could, would you take back your last kiss?No46. Did you talk to someone until you fell asleep last night?Nope47. Who was the last person to call you?My boyfriend48. Do you sing in the shower?Sometimes yeah lol49. Do you dance in the car?Yeah probably lol50. Ever used a bow and arrow?Probably? I can't really remember51. Last time you got a portrait taken by a photographer?Idk.. I hate pictures of me being taken52. Do you think musicals are cheesy?Yeah usually not my thing53. Is Christmas stressful?Incredibly. I stress so much over Christmas. I never know if what I'm getting people is enough or if they'll like it and if I'm being fair to everyone. And then the stores are fucking insane and people are fucking rude as hell and everything pisses me off lol.54. Ever eat a pierogi?PIEROGIS ARE FUCKING FANTASTIC OMFG55. Favorite type of fruit pie?Not a big fan of fruit in dessert, personally. But I guess I'll say apple56. Occupations you wanted to be when you were a kid?A vet as a young kid. And then ever since I was like 12 I've wanted to be like a detective or some kinda crime job57. Do you believe in ghosts?Yeah kinda. I'm pretty superstitious lol58. Ever have a Deja-vu feeling?Yeah kinda often actually, it's very odd. Sometimes I have moments where I'm like "did this happen before?? Or maybe I dreamt this? Wtf"59. Take a vitamin daily?I have to take prescription vitamins to live, so yes lol60. Wear slippers?No61. Wear a bath robe?No62. What do you wear to bed?Hmm it depends on the temperature. Sometimes I wear pajama pants and a t shirt cuz I'm fucking cold. Usually if I'm sleeping with my bf, then just big t shirt and no pants, cuz I'll probably be really hot. Just depends on how cold I am usually lol63. First concert?A Panic! At the Disco concert. That was almost 4 years ago64. Wal-Mart, Target or Kmart?Fucking Target man! I love target65. Nike or Adidas?Neither lol66. Cheetos Or Fritos?Hmm cheetos probably. Well my favorite is cheddar jalapeno cheetos. And if not those kind, then I'd say fritos67. Peanuts or Sunflower seeds?Neither, no thanks!68. Favorite Taylor Swift song?I don't listen Taylor Swift lol69. Ever take dance lessons?No70. Is there a profession you picture your future spouse doing?Not really71. Can you curl your tongue?Yep lol72. Ever won a spelling bee?Lmao no73. Have you ever cried because you were so happy?Yes. Happened many times. The times I can definitely think of is when my boyfriend told me he had a crush on me, or when he first told me he loves me 74. What is your favorite book?The Perks of Being a Wallflower is still important to me75. Do you study better with or without music?With definitely76. Regularly burn incense?No77. Ever been in love?Currently in love! Lol78. Who would you like to see in concert?Linkin Park and Caravan Palace are two that I'd love to see.79. What was the last concert you saw?Panic! At the Disco, almost 3 years ago80. Hot tea or cold tea?I prefer cold usually81. Tea or coffee?Tea. I don't like actual coffee flavor, but I love cappuccinos and such. But coffee and the creamer hurts my stomach, so I prefer tea82. Favorite type of cookie?Chocolate chip83. Can you swim well?Not really. Havent gotten in the water in probably 6 or 7 years.84. Can you hold your breath without holding your nose?Yes85. Are you patient?Not at all.86. DJ or band, at a wedding?Hmmmm... I dunno. Probably band?87. Ever won a contest?I don't think so?88. Ever have plastic surgery?Nah89. Which are better black or green olives?Jesus Christ no olives at all, thanks.90. Opinions on sex before marriage?I have no issue with it91. Best room for a fireplace?Living room 92. Do you want to get married?I didn't used to want to, but I think I'd like to someday

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