#i should have waited till after the new quest as a refresher on how everyone talks

[andromeda-nova-writing]

Hate at first sight - Alhaitham Requested by @isekyaaa

Contains suggestive lines for the sake of a joke

“Tighnari, You know anyone who could translate this?” She brought over the book to him. It was an old book she found while cleaning up her grandpa’s house. A book in a foreign language that her grandpa had forgotten over the years leaving its contents unknown to his family. “It’s supposed to be an heirloom.”

Tighnari looked over the book she had handed to him. A language that was unrecognizable to him but recognizable in that he had seen one of his friends reading a book in what looked to be a similar language. “I know a guy. If you're free tonight you might have a chance to get it translated or at least be pointed in the right direction.”

“Why tonight?"

“Cyno made a new deck again. Your translator should be there.”

“I forgot you have game nights with the General Mahamatra. I shouldn't take up too much of your time. Well as long as this translater of yours is good at their job.”

“He is. Just know he can be a little blunt. Though little may be an understatement. And with Kaveh there, don't be surprised if you see some sort of argument.”

“You're friends must be a lively bunch. Wait Kaveh is the one with blonde hair right? He was the one who was here two weeks ago?” She asked making sure her memory was correct.

“He was. Why?”

“He gave me advice on what rug I should pick. He didn't even see where it would go and gave me perfect advice. I really would like to thank him. My living room actually feels like a separate room even though it's an open floor plan.”

“I'm sure he'll appreciate it.”

-

It was nice to say hello to Cyno even though she didn’t know that super well. Most of her knowledge came from Tighnari mentioning him. But that and the fact she didn’t talk to him much meant that she really didn’t know him. It was entertaining to hear a few of his jokes though. The juxtaposition of the wordplay with how stoic his delivery was may have been the only reason she enjoyed them though.

While Kaveh acted as if he had known her for their entire lives. He was warm and welcoming. But also the moment she thanked him it was like he became a second sun in the room. He was extremely giving, offering to give her home interior design advice any time. It was evident in his face and how he spoke how much he appreciated the thanks even if it was just over what shape of rug to get.

It was enjoyable to be around all three of them. Though as nice as their company was it wasn't the reason she Had followed Tighnari along to his game night With his friends at the tavern. She still had a book in her bag that needed to be translated and there was no translator in sight.

“Tighinari, are you sure your translator is supposed to be here?”

“I’m sure he’ll show.”

“Translator?” Kaveh asked before his smile evaporated away. “You’re here for Al Haitham?”

“That’s a first,” Cyno commented.

“Well, now my translator has a name. But yes.” She pulled the book out of her bag. “My grandpa said it’s a family heirloom but no one in my family can even read it. Tighnari said that he’d be able to translate it for me.”

“At a horrible cost though. You couldn't have just sent her in the direction of the Akademiya?” Kaveh asked, being quite dramatic about the situation.

“I'd rather have someone that Tighnari trusts than some I don't know who. The book is an heirloom after all.”

“It will be fine,” Tighnari reassured, he pointed at the door. “Even then, he’s here.”

Al Haitham made his way over to their table. He sat down at the table already looking annoyed at who knows what.

Tighnari was kinda enough to briefly explain the situation to him along with a basic introduction. Even though Al Haitham had agreed to translate he looked as if Y/N's simple request was asking too much. Maybe a frown was just permanently etched into his face.

Al Haitham held the book looking over the cover. “To count the ways.” He translated the cover before flipping through the pages. His eyes widen skimming through the contents. He looked over at Y/N who looked brimming with excitement to learn what was in the book. “This is just erotica.”

Cyno slowly placed the cards in his hands on the table now fully paying attention to what was unfolding in front of him. Kaveh choked on his wine only for Tighnari to pat his back as he coughed. 

Y/N’s face dropped. “It's a heirloom. It’s been in my family longer than my grandpa has been alive. It can’t be. You must be mistranslating it.” She reasoned.

“Your heirloom is in an old form of a Fontaine language. A language I’ve been reading since I was 17. Do you want me to translate it aloud for you?” His words were an insult and a challenge to her.

“If you know it so well then could you give me a real translation.”

Al Haitham rolled his eyes opening the book back up. “Her eyes widen at the sight of his toned chest. In a frantic haze of want she quickly moved to help remove his belt excited to see the sight of his-”

Y/N snatched the book from his hands. Her face was warm with embarrassment. “It was nice talking with you three but I have to go.” She politely excused herself from others before turning to face Al Haitham. “You could drown in a ditch for all I care.”

[cbacofficial]

Connected by a Cable [Chapter One]

"I'm out here in Downtown New York City for the release of Law of Mahna! The new Online Multiplayer Game boasting a robust character creator and that no two characters are the same! Everyone is excited for the release and some are already cosplaying as the promotional art for many of the main characters."

"Start your new adventure in the world of Sephirion. Pre-order Law of Mahna now!" The hot new game that many news articles are claiming that the characters look more life like than before and the world feel real. The critics claim from closed beta testing alone that the emphasis on characters being more than that was neat and the interactions they had...but could it be real?    We follow one gamer named Hioshi in line to pick up his game. A young man in his early twenties with short black hair and brown eyes.  The store littered with themed decorations and hostess girls dressed as certain characters you could make in the game. All directing and keeping those in line waiting entertained. Hioshi looked at his phone and opened the application that connected him and his friends together. They all were anticipating the release and some were in the same line as him but earlier. All Hioshi wanted was to get the game and level up fast to be the best raider. He thought to himself 'this is just like any other game...' walking up and picking up the box. He inspected the artwork. It depicted a vague image of the game's goddess, Mahna. And the other darker image was Varthamith. The two formed a vague yin-yang symbol as if saying that both sides were in balanced and the text proudly proclaimed it was indeed the official game.    Returning home, Hioshi moved aside a few boxes to open the case. A single CD laid inside. Popping the disc in the pre-started PC it began downloading his game with an estimated time at roughly an hour. It was the perfect time to clean his body, prepare a warm meal and snacks on the side while grabbing a few bottles of water. Hioshi took a day off work to enjoy a full on marathon of power leveling in this game much like others before he played. And soon enough, the game finished. Welcome to Law of Mahna. Please create your character.    Hioshi knew that the game only had one server so it would be easy to find his friends. He received messages from his pals about how weird the game was, insisting that the created characters they made had their own personalities. Like living things. Hioshi chuckled and figured to make his character an Eternal. Though they look similar to the humans in the game, the Eternals had glowing eyes and the story about them interested Hioshi. Seeing the character customization option blew his mind. It was so detailed that they even had a slider for how thin or thick you want your character.    Hioshi made the Eternal a female. Glowing green eyes. Golden yellow hair. Slightly tipped ears. About one hundred and sixty seven Centimeters. Average in most aspects but still had some muscles. There was also a slider for her bust as well. He slid the bar from the halfway point all the way to max, then to the minimum...then carefully adjusting it till it was slightly above the middle point of the slider. He picked the mage class since they had a strong connection to magical energies and now he was hit with the name.    "Hmm..." he thought hard and long on this. It couldn't just be any old name...but he figured one name would fit.    "Yukara." And with a push of a button the game began! ... ... ...    Now that he was in the game, Hioshi decided to move the interface around to his liking. Adjusting the size of some menu options and checking the starting abilities. The music in the game was fantastic and so was the sound work. Why he could of sworn he heard some girl call out- "Master, are you there?"    Hioshi did a double take and looked at his character who decided to turn around and face him from inside the game...and moving on her own. Hioshi rubbed his eyes and thought he was just deprived of sleep. But of course, he was not dreaming this. Those messages from his friends...they meant it. Hioshi asked "Are you...talking to me?" The Eternal nodded. "I am talking to you, Master. Are you ready yet to go and level up?"    This had to be a dream...No game had this much interaction at all. He got up and walked over to grab some water to drink, then with a second look at the screen his character he made was stretching on it's own and waiting. She called out "Are you there? We got stuff to do!" tapping her foot. Apparently Eternals were also known to be quite the temper problem folk. He tried to ignore it.    "Sure. Let's get going." with a glance off his character, he saw the starting zone and it felt refreshing. Unlike the typical forests, there was a small town they were at with the Eternal capital in the far distance. Viewable from over the large gate that arced over a path towards the next town. The trees infused with a magical power to give off a soft glow and the animals following this color and energy within. Talking to a guard, they were given a quest to take care of some small critters...    Hioshi continued on, playing the game like normal when he noticed his character stopped moving. He continued to try and move her forward but she resisted. The Eternal looked back at him, giving him quite a spook. "Master. Are you trying to get me killed? Those boars are deadly." she spoke directly to him! Hioshi had to do a double take, cleaned his glasses and smacked himself silly.    "Am I..really not dreaming?" Hioshi examined the character he made further. He tried talking to his character. "Yukara. The boars will not kill you. I'll see to it." assuring her enough to attempt and cast a few spells. The boar charged forth and did damage Yukara a bit, but it died without trouble. Yukara blinked. "Huh? Most characters die from these boars. You must be a real master at this!" Yukara gave some praise before looking to fight some more... ----    After killing the ninth boar, a new piece of armor dropped. Hioshi looked to see the stats were ideal. With a smile he opened the character window that showed all the items his character had on and could wear. There were a plethora of slots but not too many. He tried putting the cloth dress over the old to replace it, but red text above told him he had to remove the previous equipment first.    Hioshi didn't take a second to think and his mouse cursor hovered over the chest slot for Yukara as she was trying to eat after a battle. Attempting to pull it off affected his character model however, and the robe started to fall down. With a shriek that attracted the attention of other Player Characters, she quickly held her dress. "MASTER! W-What are you doing, you creep?!" her words halted his actions. Hioshi tried to talk to her and reason with his character "Relax. I'm just going to put this better dress on-" and he was quickly shut down when Yukara hid behind a tree from his camera view.    "You wanted to see me in my undergarments! Freak!"    Was this a new system as well? No, this was their personalities. They were like real living humans. They had wants and needs and decency as well. Again, Hioshi tried hard to get her to wear the better armor. "Come on. The robe has intellect on it. It will boost your damage." and this made her peer from the corner of the tree. She took out the bag from...well somewhere and magically the robe from his UI vanished as it appeared in Yukara's hands when she held it up. Unlike the starter robes it was a red and blue robe color that covered her body completely. She then crumpled it up and tossed it away without a second thought.    "It looks ugly!" she declared. The item completely gone now. Oh how furious Hioshi was at this point. She threw away a perfectly good upgrade for her low level. This was not going to be as easy as he had planned. At first he mapped out the quests he would take and go through from his friends in Beta but now it looked like this was more stressful. He tried reasoning with Yukara.    "Okay. I am sorry i tried to remove your clothes. But if we are to do this together, You need to worry less about the look and more about the actual bonus of wearing the items. Okay?" Hioshi felt that was a good stepping stone. With puffed cheeks in anger, Yukara exclaimed "I don't like the robe though! Looks butt ugly. Plus i'd rather have something like that."    Hioshi panned his camera over to notice a female dwarf showing off her new robes to a few other leveling friends. The torso had sleeves that didn't connect to the main robe. The gown colored in white, red and even black with frills on the bottom. It was gaudy but the attire was fairly rare to obtain. "I want that! Where can i get it?" she asked. Hioshi sadly told her "It's completely random if we see it. Best thing for now is to get any upgrades and worry about the fashion later." causing her to be even more defiant.    Hiroshi wondered if this was really a good game? ----    After plenty of quests, headaches and grinding, Yukara made it to level ten out of fifty. It was at this point when they made it to the small town outside of the starting zone that Yukara sat in a chair. "Master, i'm tired...can we please rest?" she asked Hioshi. While her attire did get a slight upgrade, it wasn't all that appealing to look at. "But we have to keep leveling. My friends and their Player Characters are already two levels ahead of us because you refused to let me change your attire." Hioshi tried to explain. The course he mapped out was not going all on schedule. He knew by this point they could of been up there. "You just wanted to see me naked!" Yukara said again. "The gear had better stats." Hioshi shouted at his monitor. "You should of let me done it instead! Stop being a pervert!" Hioshi was finally at his limit. "I'm done!" he shouted. Slamming his hands on the table and getting up. "You can level yourself!" Yukara was more than shocked and scared. "Master wait! If you don't stay on I-" Yukara was cut off before she could say anything. He was fairly angry at her. "Stupid Yuara...Insulting me now? I'll never play this game again. Not worth the stress." Hioshi thought of a way to make her understand why leveling is important but she seems to have a different mindset on things. Hioshi felt a vibration from his pocket. A message from his childhood friend, Nira. She always seemed to calm him down at times when he needed her most. She texted him if they could meet for lunch since she was back in the city. It didn't take him even a second to consider this deal as he replied with the location and time he was available. Perhaps eating would calm him down as well. ---    Hioshi stood out front of the applebees in a typical shirt and cargo jeans. The messages on his phone were from his gaming friends, trying to tell him it gets better if you sit and talk with the characters, but the last time Hioshi dealt with someone who was insufferable, it ended badly.     He tried to reply to the text when he noticed someone approaching. The woman coming up was a blonde with a ponytail, wearing a tank top and jeans with her sunglasses resting on her forehead. She happily approached Hioshi and gave him a massive hug. "Hioshi! It's been a long time!" the girl chuckled in glee. This was Nira. A childhood friend who up to this point has kept in touch through text and phone calls. Some of their friends keep saying they should hook up, but the two knew they would never be more than best friends.    "Nira. Glad you called me." Hioshi replied as the two grabbed their table over by the bar. This was all he could ask after the encounter with Yukara. Nira knew all the right ways to enjoy life. She was energetic. It was because of her connections that Hioshi met his online friends and created their little raiding circle. Thinking about it, Hioshi finally caved and asked her "Nira. How do you deal with someone who is not listening to you? I...Have this friend who doesn't listen to me and-" before he could finish, Nira interrupted.    "Just talk with the person. Don't be a slouch and expect them to listen to you first. I know you better than anyone, and you do get along with people. Either this person is a complete ass or you just need to explain the situation." Nira already replied without hearing the situation. She had no idea that the person in question was a virtual character in his game. Instead he nodded and began to eat. "Right. I'll do that." ---    Hioshi managed to get back on his computer after talking with Nira. Yet as he logged in, he saw Yukara sitting in the inn. Depressed and staring at the fire. "Why are you still level ten? Shouldn't you be fifteen by now?" Hioshi asked. Yukara turned around to look at his camera before back at the fire.    "...When our masters stop playing with us, we Player Characters cannot gain experience no matter how hard we try. I need you to help me get better or i will...still be too weak." she admitted to Hioshi. Her clothes were a tad torn, possibly due to not repairing. Even when she knew her level wouldn't rise, she still trained on her own to kill monsters...and there was no reward. What Nina said about how to explain the situation, he did so to Yukara.    "I'm sorry. I'm not trying to be mean or perverted. I wanted to get to max level fast to raid...but the question I should ask is...Do you want to get to max level?" Hioshi thought maybe it was best to communicate with her. Yukara turned around, her green eyes dimly lit on her mood. She replied "I want to make it to max level with a master I can trust. A master who knows what to do. A master that I know will help in achieving a high status."    Hioshi smiled. "Well...I have this nice layout of quests we need to do at the best time and what stats you need. Do you want to try it? If we don't make it to level fifteen in under an hour from this, then I will let you pick the pace we level." he pulled up his notes and noticed Yukara doing something odd.    On her knees she bowed to him. "Please, Master...Level me faster. Even until I pass out!" Hioshi on the other hand was startled. "WOAH! no need to go that far! We can take breaks now and then. But..." he checked her rested experience and a big smile came on his face. "We could level a bit more. You seem full with energy as is." and with that, Yukara stood up with joy in her eyes and a wide smile. Kicking off a friendship to last a lifetime.

[morganbelarus]

‘Riverdale’ Recap: The Man In Black Is Not Will Smith Betches

Hello friends! Welcome to this week’s recap of Riverdale, or as I call it, A High School Story Written By Someone On Psychedelic Drugs. You may have noticed that I’m not It’s Britney, Betch. I’m sorry, but your old reviewer can’t come to the phone right now. Why? Because she’s dead. Kidding! She has, like, a life or something?? So I volunteered as tribute. I’ll try to do her hilarious recaps some justice here, but I’m only human.

I’m sure you want a reminder of what happened last week, and for all my effort to forget it, it seems to have lodged its way into my skull like a piece of shrapnel you can’t remove, but one day might kill you. So let me refresh all your memories. In the episode, Veronica gets her Archiekins exonerated (somebody tell Kathleen Zellner she can go home), but he goes on the run anyway and breaks up with her via payphone. I also think Joaquin was murdered, the gargoyle king paid a visit to the Cooper house, and Alice casually surrendered Betty over to the Sisters of Quiet Mercy, and yada, yada, yada I’m just watching for Archie’s abs.

We kick off the episode with Archie and Jughead on their quest to go literally anywhere else, so they don’t get murdered by Mr. Kelly Ripa and his little gang of thugs named after fast food. They stumble across YET ANOTHER payphone, and Jug stops to call Betty. Look guys, I am willing to suspend my disbelief. Sure, have a teen fight club in a prison. Sure, have a mysterious “gargoyle king” torment a town. Sure, have everyone in said town have red hair. BUT I DRAW THE LINE AT THIS MANY PAYPHONES. I will not believe it. It’s 2018. They no longer exist. Archie wouldn’t know what to do with one if he saw it. Can’t they just use a burner phone like everyone else on the run? For f*cks sake.

Archie actually attempting to use a payphone:

But I digress. Betty is obviously not answering the phone. Dun dun dun. Jug leaves a voicemail. AS IF!! Wtf even is a voicemail? This whole scene is pissing me off. Methinks we need some millennials on the writing staff.

Anyway, Archie and Jug are hoping they can find a place to lodge, so naturally when they spot the barn from The Texas Chain Saw Massacre they think it’s a great place to lay their heads. They are immediately stopped by a tween with a shotgun and her sister that looks suspiciously like Riley Keough (please don’t let it be Riley! I can’t bear for Elvis’ spawn to have fallen so far!) because DUH this is clearly a murder house. Archie and Jug make up some story about how they got robbed on the train, and that worked well enough to convince the shotgun sisters that they should pretend everything is cool and feed the boys now, and then skin them and wear them as suits later.

Riley brings a pile of blankets and is obviously interested in making one into her coital bed with Archie. Wait till you see his abs my sad, lonely farm girl. JUST WAIT FOR IT.

Early in the morning Jug goes to town to take some pictures, and Archie stays at the farm to ask Riley to lick the sweat off his chest.

I’ve got some bad news for you all. If you thought that the barn was murder-y, just wait until you see this abandoned sh*thole of a town. TBH if I accidentally strolled onto Main Street here I would just say “oh so this is how it ends,” and let the rapture take me.

And what do ya know, some of the symbols that were burned into the backs of the nerds that played G&G are graffitied on walls in Murdertown, USA. WHAT A COINCIDENCE. I NEVER COULD HAVE SEEN THIS COMING.

Jug approaches the sole inhabitant of the town, sitting in front of their local Killers ‘R’ Us, and she tells him that the jingle jangle and the fizzle rocks came and ruined them. I wish I made that sentence up but unfortunately it was verbatim.

Okay WTF is this scene? Archie is shirtless in jeans and Riley is shaving his “beard” with an old-fashioned razor. As if this is a barbershop and not a stash house for the people she just disemboweled.

UM EXCUSE ME, ARCHIEKINS?! Riley is so turned on by Archie’s semi-nude state and the blade she has to his neck that she just HAS to straddle him during this little personal grooming session. Archie tells her he has a girl back home, but not until after he has enough material to jerk off to in his sleeping bag tonight.

Me RN:

Archie immediately starts spewing the truth. He tells her his real name, Hiram’s name, why he left town, his astrological sign, his entire birth story, and where Lily and James Potter are hiding. He is literally the worst fugitive ever. I have a very bad feeling that Riley is actually one of Hiram’s henchmen and goes by the name of Chicken Nuggets or something equally stupid and food related and Archie is f*cked. Just call it a cliche hunch.

We’re back to Jughead in town. He’s casually taking some pics of the gargoyle king graffiti to give his Insta some street cred, and then begins to talk to some tween girls who are playing G&G.

Unsettling tweens: Have you played before? Jughead:

The tweens also tell Jug that all the men are gone because they are off building a prison and cooking meth. My apologies. I was clearly wrong about this town. It’s not murder-y at all.

They say the ringleader is a “Man in Black.” Please let it be Will Smith, please let it be Will Smith, please let it be Will Smith.

Well, well, well, I hate to say I told you so but actually I love to say I told you so. Ask anyone who’s met me. I was right about Riley/Chicken Nuggets because she just whacked Archie across the head with a frying pan. Honestly he deserved it for being so f*cking stupid. I’m on board with this.

Sh*t. The man in black is not, in fact, Will Smith. It’s everyone’s second favorite mafia Don, Hiram Lodge. And here he is, being led into the house by Riley Chicken Nuggets and her shotgun sister. While they’re inside, Jug unties his useless sack of dead weight, Archie, and fills him in. Archie is SHOCKED. Oh honey, I guess it was too much to ask you to be pretty and smart. Jug wants to make a run for it but Archie, emboldened by his recent massive head trauma, would like to stay and fight. But isn’t his stab wound still oozing pus? Perhaps he should wait until he’s at 100%.

It turns out Riley Chicken Fingers is trading Archie in return for her brother and father, and honestly that’s a good trade. Archie ain’t worth it, girl. Abs will fade, but stupid is forever. You need to get your family back. But when Hiram gets to the barn in his sleek new Club Monaco coat, Archie and Jug have already escaped.

Back at home, Veronica is ready to GTFO of the Pembrooke. Hermione tries to convince her not to go, but she’s not having any of it. Ronnie decides to move into her speakeasy. Not the best housing situations going on in this episode, but on a scale of murder barn to Nun’s Prison, I’d say this sits squarely at the top. Well done, V.

The next day at the speakeasy, Ronnie is complaining to Reggie about how she works “all day and all night” and they’re barely scraping by. Okay, what? When did everyone stop going to high school? I know it’s been a while since I was there, but did they make it optional? Veronica speaks to Elio, son of another crime family, and enlists his help with turning the speakeasy into a casino for one night only.

And now casino night is here! That was quick. I would have thought it would have taken more prep work. But then again, none of these teenagers are going to school so I guess they had time to set up? Guys, take it from someone who would GLADLY go back to high school, treasure those work-free moments while you can! There’s so much on Netflix!

I’m getting a very riverboat in the ’20s kind of vibe from this night. Anyone else? Reggie has some bad news for V, though: Elio hasn’t lost a hand all night. Oh, so you mean he’s going to scam her. What an unpredictable turn of events.  

Elio RN:

Veronica decides she needs to stop the metaphorical bleeding so she proposes one hand with Elio, winner take all. They’re playing for pinks the deed to Pop’s. In an incredibly tense moment where I could not even imagine what was ever going to happen, Veronica hits exactly 21 and shows Elio’s sad ass the door.

After much celebration, Veronica reveals to Reggie what actually happened. Her father warned her Elio would try to screw her over, recommended that she use his own personal shady dealer, and she beat Elio by cheating. Ronnie, it is a BAD idea to get back into business with your dad! Because now one day he’ll make you an offer you can’t refuse and then the next thing you know you’ll be leaving the bloody head of a horse in your boyfriend’s bed.

The next day, Pop decides to burst Ronnie’s bubble by telling her that Sheriff Minetta’s body was found in the marsh. But they can’t be sure it was him BECAUSE HE WAS DECAPITATED AND HIS HANDS SAWED OFF. Lovely. I have to tell you, this town is going to really need to do some serious damage control if they ever want anyone to visit again. They should get the people that do Iceland’s PR. That place is blowing up, am I right?!

And now we’re on to Betty’s story. I don’t love how our leads are separated this week. It’s revealed to me a sad, depressing truth: I find Archie’s story the most fun. I know. I hate me too.

Over at the Sisters of Quiet Mercy, a nun is showing Betty ink blots and she’s pretending to be perfectly sane. They’re also giving her drugs and calling it a “treat.” TBH that’s what I called Amoxicillin when I was younger. That bubble gum flavoring was bomb. If you were actually wondering what was happening this whole time, never fear, Betty is narrating the entire thing. It’s incredibly annoying and very insulting that they think viewers wouldn’t be able to understand what was going on otherwise. Not all of us are as dumb as Archie!

After Betty ditches her drugs in the garbage can, her roommate ETHEL walks in. Oh hi Ethel, I should have known you were coming by the chill it sent down my spine. Ethel tells Betty that she’s been getting very close to the gargoyle king. Gross. Then she proceeds to hang up a “warrior board” that basically has the words “Mrs. Ethel Gargoyle King” scrawled all over it. Damn. I thought my freshman year roommate was weird because she changed in front of her dad one time while she thought I was taking a nap, but this is much more alarming.

Outside the Nun’s Prison, Betty sees Claudius Blossom delivering maple syrup, and then HIRAM LODGE SHOWS UP. Dude, can these teenagers go ANYWHERE without Veronica’s dad spoiling the party? Expect to see him at your next pap smear, ladies! If you’re on a first date, he’ll pop up! When you’re at your mom’s funeral, there’s Hiram! 

Later, Betty fakes a seizure so she can get closer to her medical records. She’s taken to the infirmary, breaks into their file cabinet, and finds out what they’re dosing her with. And it turns out HIRAM LODGE is the one who told them to give it to her. Told you. He’s always there.

Betty decides to escape, but unfortunately since they last broke Cheryl out of the Nun’s Prison, the escape route has been covered with bricks. These nuns may be stereotypically evil, but they aren’t stupid! That tattletale b*tch Ethel and her accomplice Sister Woodhouse find Betty and force-feed her the fizzle rocks. Then they drag Betty to FINALLY MEET THE KING. They shove her into the room and she screams.

We don’t get to see the king, but Betty does bless us with this poem to end the episode, “My king, my savior, ride me through the night, bless me with your darkness, gift me with your flight.” That’s beautiful. I’m going to put it in my vows.

Well folks, that was a wild ride! In my opinion, a little too much gargoyle king stuff and not enough of Archie’s body. There’s always next week!

Images: The CW; Giphy (5)

Original Article : HERE ; This post was curated & posted using : RealSpecific

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