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januaryembrs · 2 months

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WAS I FOOLIN MYSELF | Spencer Reid x Prentiss!Reader [5]

Description: The THREE times you can't have him no matter how much you want to

Length. 15.2k

warnings: angst, spencer's addiction mentioned, gory cm cases (medical trauma, removing limbs, human marionettes etc) explosion, broken arm and surgery, slight lemon at end but not actually written just described aftermath, Maeve arc (I'm so sorry), guns, almost dying, blood, general cm warnings, anything else let me know!

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Authors note; I will edit in the morning I just really wanted you all to have the next chapter as promised!!

'I'ma strike these matches, never had control,

I'm ready to let go, no, was I fooling myself?'

The one with the wedding

JJ’s ears were ringing, a high pitched whine like a radio skipping between stations searching for a signal, and she felt the hard concrete against her milky skin before the throbbing in her forehead hit.

“JJ, are you alright?” There were hands at her shoulders, patting her down for fractures, not wanting to move her if her spine had been hit, and it wasn’t until she rolled herself over, eyes frantic and in shock that she saw Morgan.

“Where’s Will? Where’s Bugsy?” She asked, the words blurring into one word. Her legs were struggling to a stand before she could think too much about the concussion she almost definitely had, giving Morgan a quick once over, “Did they get out of there?”

But she hadn’t seen any movement before the blast had shot them back ten feet to the floor. Had only seen the back of the youngest Prentiss woman’s head as she rushed into the building to get emergency medical care to her partner.

“Where’s Emily?” Morgan added, and the two of them realised they were missing perhaps three of the most important people to them with no sign of life from any of them.

It didn’t take much for JJ to take off bolting into where the bank’s entrance had crumbled to the floor, where the dust hadn’t even settled and they didn’t know whether there was a second set of bombs waiting for them. They didn’t know anything.

And it was for that reason JJ dipped straight into the wall of smoke, hand tight on her gun as she went to look for survivors.

Morgan and Hotch were hot on her heels, a dozen firefighters and medical in tow, a similar face of dread in their expressions.

Aaron’s heart was in his throat when they entered the building, the west facing wall almost entirely in smithereens on the floor. The dust choked him the second they ran in, and he coughed before he could even get a word out, hand flying over his mouth to try give himself some kind of filter to the air.

“Bugsy!” He yelled as loud as his dry vocal chords would allow, “Bugsy, give us a signal,”

Nothing. Nothing but the sound of JJ and Morgan screaming for Will and Emily just as loud. And even to that they received no answer.

It wasn’t until they got close enough to the rubble and began seeing the bodies did Aaron start to fear the worst. He called her name again, her real name, splitting up from the rest of his team because it was no longer a mission for the UnSubs, it was now a search and rescue.

He crouched to press his fingers against a woman’s throat, stomach flipping when he felt no pulse beneath them, before he moved onto another one, his eyes darting between the chunks of brick and ceiling to see if he could spot anything that looked like an FBI jacket.

It wasn’t until he found one of the men donned in a SWAT uniform, his gun long since dropped to the tiles that he knew he must be close. It was one of the guys who had gone into the buildings seconds before her.

He felt for a familiar thrum of a heartbeat, his breath thick in his throat when he managed to get a slow and steady thump, and he immediately began signalling for medical attention.

Paramedics came running over with a stretcher between them, but Aaron wasn’t finished, Not until he saw her.

He dodged around the large chunk of stone that piled in the centre of the room, cringing when he saw a splatter of blood on the tiles in front of him, and it was only when he saw a hand splayed out on the floor did his heart truly stop.

His cold eyes were wet with fear as he traced the hand up its arm, the familiar blue he wore himself ripped to shreds, the skin beneath it broken and the bone snapped clean in two. He could barely make out the three letters, F. B. I. that were so covered in blood and dirt it almost matched the navy, before he got the pillow of familiar hair matted against a head that faced away from him.

But it was her. There was no doubt about it.

He thinks he said her name, but it might just have been a sob, because he fell to his knees quickly, scrambling to get to her face to see if she would respond to him at all.

“Bugsy, I need you to wake up,” He ordered, though it sounded like a hiss of pain, his rough hands finding her young face, desperate for any movement behind her eyelids, “Come on, sweetheart, just tell me what day it is,”

Years of training on what to do in a crisis and the correct first aid to give to someone unresponsive flew out of his brain, leaving behind bits and pieces like getting her to talk to see whether she had severed anything in that big, amazing brain of hers that had so much promise.

He leaned his ear down next to her nose, looking down the front of her chest to check for any signs of breath.

This was too similar to what Foyet had done with Haley, like a horrid deja-vu he wouldn’t wish even on their worst UnSub. He had been too slow, too stubborn, too stupid to stop her from getting hurt. He didn’t know what her blood on his hands would feel like, didn’t know if he would ever sleep again knowing he had gotten her killed.

Aaron’s stomach flipped when he saw her ribs rising slowly beneath her vest, her breaths cold against his earlobe.

“Guess it’s my turn to come back from the dead, huh?” A croaking whisper came softly, and he flicked his head around so fast he thought he might have whiplash.

But her eyes were open, squinting and tired, and he cursed the fact he had only then noticed the cut on her forehead, red ichor pumping fast and restlessly down the side of her face.

He gave a breathless laugh, though it pained his own ringing ear to do so, stroking gently down her face with the same care he would put Jack to bed with.

“Gotcha,” She smiled up at him sheepishly, her brows furrowing when she seemed then to notice the tears rolling down the tip of his nose, “Aaron Hotchner crying over me, are pigs flying today?”

He chuckled wetly, and his eyes were the warmest brown she’d ever seen them when he looked down at her. He turned his attention away for a second to call over medical, his eyes landing on Emily who was also frantically scanning the wreckage for her sister and giving her a sign too.

“You gave us quite a scare there,” Aaron said softly, because judging by the bump on her head, and the way blood was pooling in her ears, he guessed her eardrums had been damaged in the blast. Emily was over to them in seconds, looking dishevelled herself, and she gasped into her hands when she saw her sister’s fragile form.

“Bugsy- oh my god your arm,”

The girl’s face dropped, eyes widening as she tried turning to see the damage but Aaron was faster, quickly blocking her view of the mangled mess of skin with hand over the side of her head.

“What’s wrong with my arm?” She asked, and he saw nothing but his son with a scraped knee in her eyes when she looked up at him vulnerably. Emily fell to her knees next to her, taking over from Aaron by stroking her sister’s cheek, because if her adrenaline rose too much, then the numbness of the shock would wear off and she would feel it all.

“I think it’s broken, but the paramedics are going to fix you right up, I promise,” Emily cooed, though she felt herself go a little white at the sight of her sister’s bones so mangled and in pieces.

Aaron looked up when he heard Morgan calling his name, spotting the paramedic team navigating their way back to where the three of them sat, and he waved his hand up to let them know where they were.

He bit his tongue, looking down at where Bugsy was clearly starting to wake up more to just how bad of a state she was in, and she watched him woefully be torn between helping the rest of his team or staying with her.

“You guys can go, I’m no use on the case anymore,” She said, despite the fact she was terrified of what might happen if they left her alone.

“Are you crazy, absolutely not-,” Emily was cut off when two EMT’s rounded the block of concrete and brick that had missed her by a few inches when it had fallen, a stretcher and med packs at their side.

“Good to see you’re responsive, Agent Prentiss,” One of the EMT’s commented, opening his case up to retrieve a neck brace and a splint for her arm before they could move her to the stretcher. Bugsy smiled up at them, though she knew it looked like a wince, taking one more look at her sister and then at Hotch, both of whom looked stuck between a rock and a hard place.

“Go, I’m serious. Will needs you,” She said, feeling Emily squeeze her hand gently, pressing a kiss to her hairline, looking down at her in worry, “Go, Emily. Just bring me pudding when you get to the hospital- no Jello-”

She hissed when the paramedics slipped the brace over her shoulders, strapping her head into place to stop her doing any more damage to her spine.

Emily nodded, and her and Hotch took off round the corner to where Morgan was calling them, and Bugsy let the paramedics fuss over her some more, taking the pain killers without a second glance once she realised just how broken Emily had meant when she saw her arm.

It got hazy from there, until she felt the sun on her face and she felt a hand grab her good side. Her eyes were rolling with the fact she was fighting off sleep, or maybe she really had lost more blood than she thought. Either way she managed to flick her eyes open enough to meet hazel hues, distraught and worried, heard a familiar voice calling her name sadly, but she was too far gone by then. Her eyes shut despite her fighting them, and she was wheeled into the back of an ambulance by the friendly EMT’s, and the doors shut before her medicated brain could even recognise the voice as Spencer.

She was asleep before she could protest to it.

–

The air smelled like bleach- no, like floor cleaner had been drenched all around her, like she had been dropped into a janitor's closet and spilled every bottle over on her way in.

Her body felt stiff, and she frowned when she felt cramp in her fingertips, pain shooting up her wrist the second she tried to move them. Her eyes opened blearily, and she groaned in protest at the overhead white lights, burying her face into the scratchy sheet that covered her body. Only then did it click that she was in a hospital.

She moaned again when she tried moving her legs and her whole body protested, her bare legs rubbing against the paper like material in a way that made her cringe, and she felt only the hospital gown and underwear on her body.

“You’re awake,” The voice startled her, and she realised she hadn’t even heard the door open in her haze. Spencer stood in the doorway, three big bunches of flowers and two teddies in his arms, one of them holding a sign saying ‘You’re bear-y brave!’

What got her was the look of worry in his eyes when he took her in head to toe, his eyes lingering on the bright pink cast on her lower arm up past her elbow.

She grimaced, following his eyes to the horror, “Sexy,”

He rushed over to her bedside, all but throwing the flowers and cuddly toys on the space where her legs weren’t curled up under the sheets, pausing for a second to assess the situation.

“Spencer, you didn’t need to get me all of this,” Bugsy said, her cheeks warming when she saw her favourite flowers right at the end of the bed, blooming right in her direction, “Is everyone okay? Is Will okay?”

He nodded, but had yet to say anything, and he fiddled with his fingertips the way he did when he was struggling to get his point across properly. She reached out with her functioning hand to take them in hers, because she hated when he wouldn’t talk to her.

“Spencer, I’m fine, it’s just a broken arm, right?” The woman asked, trying to shuffle herself into a sitting position only to yelp when her side burst into pain. He rushed to put his arm behind her back, to get her to lay back down without putting too much pressure on her sternum, “What the fuck is that? I feel like I got hit by a baseball bat,”

“That’s what happens when you run blindly into a building without waiting for backup,” Spencer said, an undertone to his words she had never heard from him before, “Two cracked ribs; you’re lucky your lungs are still intact,”

Shit.

“Anything else?” She asked, a grim look on her face as his expression soured.

“Almost tore one of your eardrums, moderate concussion. They had to put pins in your arm to fix the fracture, it was transverse before you ask, lacerations to your legs from the glass, and some shrapnel they pulled out while you were in surgery.” Spencer listed, propping a pillow behind her head for her to rest against more comfortably though he still seemed annoyed, “No biggy,”

She paused for a second, watching him like a scolded child, her lips pulling down slightly, “Are you upset with me?”

He sighed, running a gentle hand over her leg that was covered by the thin sheet, and she felt the sting of cuts on her skin just like he’d said.

“I’m not annoyed, I could never be annoyed with you; you just-” He huffed, looking up at her sad eyes and feeling his resolve crumbling immediately, “You can’t just throw yourself in the way of danger, you have people who care about you, people who love you,”

She bristled for a second, looking into her lap and chewing the inside of her lip worriedly, “I just wanted to help Will, I just didn’t want JJ and Henry to lose him the way I thought I lost Emily,”

Spencer’s heart sank, and any telling off he was going to give her for worrying him left him in seconds, and he forgave her embarrassingly fast.

Taking her hand back in his gently and scooching a chair closer to the bed so he could sit with her, he looked up at her with the sweet, puppy eyes she had always loved on him.

“I know, I know you just wanted to help,” He hushed her, using his other hand to stroke her hair behind her ear, “Next time just… wait for your lucky charm, remember?”

She smiled brilliantly, and he almost could ignore the butterfly stitching on her forehead or the bright pink cast on her arm, or the fact her clothes had looked like a crime scene when they’d shoved them in a biohazard bag with how soaked in blood they were.

Her pretty tweed pants and white shirt she’d bought especially for his Dr Who convention to make him happy, wasted.

“Where’s all my clothes?” She asked, like she’d read his mind, but then again she had been known to do that.

He pouted, because he knew she’d hate the answer, “Emily said they had to cut it off to get you into the brace properly; they ran some scans first to make sure your spine was intact.”

“All of my clothes?” She baulked, and he knew she was upset before she could even say so he stroked his thumb over her hand for good measure, “But my lovely shirt- and the pants they were so cute, weren’t they?”

“They were so cute,” He agreed, even though he thought she looked good in everything.

“And- oh my god they got my bra too?” She asked, wide eyed and horrified like she hadn’t had a building dropped on her, like this was the worst part of her day. Spencer opened his mouth to say something, but he thought better than to tell her it wasn’t a big deal and he was sure Pen could take her shopping for new ones even if the thought of it made his cheeks flush red, “They got the best one, Spencer, that was my best one with the little bows and the lace at the back- fuck,”

She huffed, rubbing her temple in annoyance seemingly completely unaware of the situation she’d put him in, when JJ slowly entered the room, looking more tired and stressed than she had in months, but there was a little glow in her face that washed it all away.

“JJ, they cut off my favourite bra,” Bugsy huffed, holding an arm out for the woman who came to stand at the opposite side of the bed to Spencer, and JJ quickly leaned in to hug her close, Bugsy’s head pressing against her stomach, “It was the only one that fit perfectly, now look at me. Wasted.”

“I can get you another one on Monday after Will and I have stopped by the courthouse,” JJ said, her eyes alight with mischief like she had a secret, and Bugsy frowned, looking up at the woman.

“Why on Earth would Will be buying me- Wait,” The girl stopped, her breath catching in her throat as she took in JJ’s sheepish blush and girlish grin, “Courthouse? You’re getting married!”

JJ’s smile was beaming, and Bugsy yanked her with her one good arm into a side hug, just about as much as her ribcage would allow, and Spencer’s face lit up equally, though he was quick to usher Bugsy back into a resting position so as not to jostle her stitches.

Spencer drove her home that night after she got discharged, and he helped her get settled back into her own bed, her face still a little bitter at the fact her favourite underwear set was “totally mismatched now”; her words, not his. He put a documentary on for the two of them until it was time for some more of the painkillers the doctors had sent her packing with, and she fell asleep pretty quickly after that.

He watched her breaths rising and falling slowly, the sight of her on that stretcher being wheeled into the back of the ambulance flashing in his head like a horror motion picture. Her face had been soaked in blood, her neck in a brace that looked tight enough to crush her, her eyes were weary and dim from what he knew now was the sedative effects of the painkillers.

He’d almost brought up the fact he’d found a geneticist willing to take a look at his MRI scans to help his migraines; almost brought up that she had finally got back to him with results and a plan of vitamins and dietary changes he could make to help ease his flare ups.

Spencer almost mentioned it, but he fell asleep listening to Bugsy’s breaths, checking for irregularities, before he had the chance to.

–

Hot pink did not match ditsy blue whatsoever, she had quickly decided, but the bluebell, floral dress was the only thing she owned long enough to cover the scratches on her legs and arms, and hid the majority of the hideous cast that weighed down her arm.

Spencer had encouraged her not to come to JJ’s ‘engagement party’, had encouraged her to stay at home and sleep; promised her he would rustle up the best chicken soup she’d ever tasted if it meant she would stay on the couch and rest her marred body.

But then Rossi had said he just simply couldn’t let a nice occasion go to waste. A few phone calls later, a drop in the ocean of his wealth and within two days the yard to his stately manor had been turned into a ceremony, the whole arch, pews and altar style.

“You should worry so much, you look lovely,” Spencer softly chided her when he saw her yanking her sleeve further down her arm, trying to cover the hard shell that protected her radius while it healed. She did, despite the fact he had to help her do her eyeliner because she could only do it with her right hand, or that there was still a nasty cut on her forehead that was scabbing up.

She was still beautiful as ever to him. And it made Spencer’s chest sore.

It felt like something had cracked between them since that night she had been dropped to his, her pupils wide as dinner plates, her inhibitions lowered to zero, and had pecked his lips like it wouldn’t tear him up inside to have her so close to him knowing it was everything he had ever wanted.

He knew if she ever kissed him again he couldn’t keep it in anymore, couldn’t stay in this limbo they had found themselves in where all he could think about was how she smelled when she wore his clothes, a mix of his laundry and her skin together, something he’d found himself purely saturated in since she first lived with him after Emily’s funeral. He loved the way her eyes seemed soft and mellow when she looked at him, loved the way his stomach seemed warm and fuzzy when she held his hand, and he knew it wasn’t in the same way it normally was with other people, when he was worried about how many germs they were spreading to him or if they’d had all their shots or if he’d remembered to pack hand sanitizer. His stomach felt funny, and his skin felt sweaty, and his head got scrambled, and it was somehow good.

He would do anything for her, anything she ever wanted from him and it was hers.

He knew it way surpassed friendship. It felt like she was his girlfriend, which was absurd because he had never asked her to be. Or maybe it was just him trying to wish it into existence, because he knew he would never ask her. She was too good for him, too good for this world let alone a scrawny, know-it-all like him.

She simpered under his words, looking at him with tired eyes, though he could tell she still yearned to fluff up her hair or fix her dress because she felt like a polished turd right now.

“Thankyou,” She said quietly, immediately spotting a waiter carrying a tray of champagne passing by and reaching for a little flute, “Want one? Thank you,”

Spencer shook his head politely, quickly spotting Emily and Morgan moving into the garden with Hotch and Beth not far behind them.

“I’ll be right back, just wait here a second,” He said, gently stroking over her spine with his warm hands, before he darted towards the group. Jack took off running towards Bugsy the second he saw her, and Spencer heard the small ‘ooft’ leave the woman as he collided with her stomach and nearly winded her. He was getting bigger by the minute, Spencer swore.

“Don’t you look dashing, boy wonder,” Morgan teased, flicking his finger under the lapel of Spencer’s two piece suit that Bugsy had told him more than once fit him like a glove, “Someone to impress?”

Spencer blanched, his eyes shooting to Emily who seemed to hide a smile, because his feelings for her sister were about as plain to see as the moon that coated their evening in a blue glow. Hotch looked over the younger agent’s shoulder, to where his son was throwing cents into Rossi’s fountain with Bugsy and making wishes, his eyes quickly falling to the pink cast around her wrist, and his face hardened.

“How is she?” He asked, lips pursed.

They had seen her in turns at the hospital, but most of the time she had been extremely out of it, Hotch had managed to catch her right before they took her into surgery for her arm, and even then he’d been ushered right back out of the room because they were getting her prepped to be scrubbed down.

Spencer bit his lip for a second, glancing over his shoulder at Bugsy fishing through her purse with her one good hand for more nickels, before he looked back at them, “She doesn’t want anyone to make a big deal about it, and don’t bring up her arm or her forehead, she’s a little delicate-”

He was cut off by Penelope squealing behind them, and they turned in unison to see the blonde woman cupping Bugsy’s face, checking herself for more abrasions, stroking over the younger girl’s shoulders as she simply allowed herself to be ragged like a doll.

Because it was Penny. And Penny always meant well.

Spencer flustered worriedly, and Morgan chuckled behind him, wrapping an arm over the kid’s shoulder.

“Can’t protect her forever, lover boy,” Derek said, patting him before he let go, taking Emily’s elbow and walking over to where they were serving hors d'oeuvres.

Spencer knew that, knew she could handle herself just fine without him. That was what worried him the most.

–

JJ looked beautiful in her mother’s wedding dress. Bugsy welled up with happiness, true happiness when she saw her friend walking down the aisle with her son, a spitting image of her, in one hand, her father’s arm in the other.

Will looked besotted, but then again he always did when he looked at JJ.

Bugsy felt the love in the entire yard as they said their vows, kissing each other without restraint under the floral arch as Henry covered his eyes with a little giggle and an ‘eww!’ which made everyone chuckle.

The violinists began playing soft hymns as the couple had their first dance, and Henry migrated towards the woman with the pink hand and the sapphire dress.

“Buggy,” He tugged on the bottom of her skirts, huge, sky-blue eyes blinking up at her behind a mop of blonde furls. “Buggy, your hand!”

She knelt down to hear the three year old a little better, and immediately tiny fingers trailed over her wrist worriedly.

“Your hand, it’s hurt,” He said, and Spencer crouched to comfort the boy who he still remembered holding hours after he was born.

“I know, I hurt myself at work,” She said, letting him run his fingers over the pink shelling, his eyes wide and confused about the new material, “But Mommy saved me, and she saved your Daddy, and she saved you, didn’t she? Isn’t she so brave,”

Henry smiled, like all his thoughts of his mommy being Wonder Woman were true, and he nodded, stepped towards Bugsy while making grabby hands for her neck, “Up,”

Spencer was about to protest, because he didn’t want her to push herself, but he knew she could never say no to kids, especially ones as cute as the boys.

“Alright, big man, up we go,” She put her good arm under his bottom, Spencer holding under her shoulder to help her into a stand with a repressed grunt, “Jesus, what did you eat for breakfast today. You really are a big boy, Henry,”

She put him on her hip, shoving off the way it stung her superficial cuts because Henry seemed happy, grabbing a section of her hair in his tiny hands, and stroking her head gently in what Bugsy guessed was the way JJ stroked his when he was unwell.

“Mommy says you have to have a magic kiss when you get hurt,” Henry babbled, and she smiled, her cheeks hurting because the kid was just sweet enough to eat.

“Oh, yeah? Is mommy magic then?” She entertained, feeling Spencer still a ghost over her shoulder in case she started struggling to hold the pre-schooler. His godson laughed like she told a joke, shaking his golden locks as he answered.

“No, Buggy,” He giggled, patting her cheek as she scrunched eyes shut with a smile, “You get a magic kiss when you get fixed. Like this,” He leaned in, leaving a big wet smooch on her cheek that made her giggle, tightening her hold on him with a shiny jaw. Henry turned to where Spencer watched them with a dazzling smile, pointing up at him, little fingernails waving in his face, “Spencer’s turn,”

His godfather faltered, his cheeks turning red and Bugsy looked between the two of them, amused.

“I can’t, I’m afraid Henry. I’m not magic like you and mommy,” Spencer replied, trying to brush the boy off as kindly as possible. Henry’s face frowned, because he had watched Uncle Spencer pull a coin out of his ear not even half an hour ago and so that statement seemed ridiculous.

“You have to! You have to give her magic kisses or she won't get better!” Henry ordered, trying to grab Spencer’s bow tie with vigour, “You have to!”

“Alright, alright,” Spencer agreed, his hands shooting up in surrender, “I’ll give her magic kisses,”

Bugsy looked at him with a heart stopping smile. She looked soft like butter, syrupy and warm as pudding. The moonlight washed her pupils with something like a cartoonish twinkle, and he hoped his forest eyes didn’t turn to two love hearts the way he felt like it did.

He raised one of his hands to her cheek, the same one Henry just kissed, holding her still. She was cool in the night air, or maybe his hand was just too warm because he was so nervous. He hoped he wasn’t shaking, but her jaw fit into the palm of his hand like it was always meant to be there.

He dipped his head in to give her a long, delicate kiss to her cheek, running a thumb down the apple of her cheek.

He pulled away from her, and they exchanged a look, something in her eyes he had rarely seen before. Figuring it was discomfort, or maybe just the light playing tricks on him, he stepped away, and Henry was quickly distracted by a frog hopping through the mildewed grass, and he set Bugsy on the task to help him catch it.

Spencer busied himself talking to Will and Derek in the hopes his heart would calm down any minute soon, but he had quickly felt himself becoming somewhat addicted to the feel of her skin beneath his lips. He wondered lewdly if the rest of her would feel so soft as her cheek had, and immediately scolded himself for it.

The thought haunted him for the rest of the night.

Penny twirled her around by her good arm, and the two of them giggled like school girls under the fairy-light woven pergola, the string quartet finishing off the fast paced song they had switched up the mood with. The blonde was careful about not jostling the woman too much, she could already feel Spencer and Emily’s worried looks from where they sat together at a table, nursing their drinks mid chat.

But whether it was the fact she had been cooped up for days on bed rest orders (Spencer’s, not the Doctor’s, though he’d argued that was the same thing,) or that last morphine patch had really given her a kick up the behind, but she seemed to be hiding the pain well.

JJ would only have one wedding, she’d argued with Spencer, she could have a hundred days in bed, but there would only be one night like this one; when they were all together, safe and happy, when there was enough palpable love in the air that fell over everyone's shoulders like a warm hug. He’d grumbled that he was usually the optimistic one and zipped up her dress for her with shaky fingers anyway.

Before Penny could spin her round even one more time, a figure appeared two tower over the blonde, and a voice cut in between them politely.

“I don’t suppose you’d let me lead the next dance, I think Reid and Prentiss might just tackle you if you shake her up anymore,” Aaron’s voice was soft, inviting with the one and a half beers he’d had edging at his tone, almost teasing in a way so rare for a man so stern.

Penelope looked over Bugsy’s shoulder to indeed see the woman’s two guard dogs watching her like a hawk, Bug’s already opened purse on Spencer lap where her emergency painkillers were.

“Oh god, I don’t think I’ve ever seen Spencer frown like that, it’s like watching a puppy resource guarding,” Penelope faltered, looking the woman head to toe as if she was being held against her will to dance by the blonde, “You’re not hurt or anything- you’d tell me if you were hurt, wouldn’t you?”

Bugsy chuckled, throwing her good arm over the woman’s shoulder, “Relax, they’re both worry warts. I’m having fun, Pen. I think Hotch just wanted a turn with the ugly barbie,”

Against Penelope’s better judgement, she gave the woman a kiss on the cheek with a sigh of defeat, though she had been so careful not to push her in fear of her cracking another rib, but she had loved seeing Bugsy smile like that again.

Derek was quick to swoop in to save her, swooping in to steal her for a dance as Aaron gently took Bugsy’s waist and good hand, entirely respectable and gentle in his touch.

“I’m glad you’re okay, your bell got a little rung in that bank,” Aaron murmured, trying not to fret over the gash on her forehead that had a few butterfly stitches pulling it together. He remembered how frail she’d felt in his arms the last time he’d properly seen her, like a baby bird with its wings snapped in his hands. He was worried he was going to be burying her too, just like he had Emily, just like he had Haley, except he knew for her there wasn’t a catch, an escape route to Paris. There wouldn’t have been a do over.

But she was okay. Broken bones and all.

She smiled at him, as if to remind him just how alive she was, and he saw how her eyes were bloodshot and tired, as if it was taking all of her energy to keep her head upright.

“If you knew how many morphine patches are on my butt right now, you’d freak,” She said, and he laughed, because she was always good at getting those from him. Bugsy relaxed in his arms, and he rocked her side to side sweetly, not quite dancing but moving passively to the soft melody the band was playing.

Maybe it was the fact he wasn’t in work mode, or maybe it was because the night air was cosy and light, or maybe she just weaselled out the guilt that had been stored in his chest for nearly a year, but he let himself look at her with a sad, sepia gaze, and it was like she knew what he was going to say before he said it.

“I’m-”

“Don’t apologise,” She cut in quickly, her own expression falling into something forlorn, “You have nothing to apologise for, Aaron,”

He took a deep breath through his nose, “I do. That wasn’t right how I treated you. You’re not spoiled.”

“I can be, sometimes,” She argued defeatedly, but he shook his head before she could add to it, “You were doing what was best to keep Emily safe, it was her I was more mad at than anything. She’s my sister, she should have trusted me, you and JJ didn’t owe me anything.”

“We owed you a better explanation than we gave,” He said, watching her sigh and rest her cheek on his shoulder. He cursed Spencer for allowing her to wear heels in her condition, though he didn’t doubt that the pretty boy had put up just as much fight as he would have seeing her grab the shoes on her way out, “I never meant to hurt you so much. And we do owe you better, we’re a family. Families fight, and they say mean things and they tell white lies sometimes but we love each other, and I only ever wanted to keep everyone safe. Okay?”

She nodded against his blazer material, dropping his hand in the interest of wrapping both her arms around his neck, pulling him into a tight hug, ignoring the dulled ache of her ribcage.

“I love you too,” She murmured, and he gave her a feather-light squeeze back, all too aware of her bones creaking under her skin, “I’m sorry I hit you,”

She let go of him, and he held her hand, the tips of her fingers poking out from beneath her cast that already had Jack’s name scrawled over in black sharpie.

“I deserved it, I was being cruel,” He said honestly. He hadn’t meant to be so harsh, but the emptiness in her laugh, in the way she’d stormed out, had scared him. He thought even if she lashed out, if she screamed at him or cried that would be better than the silent treatment because at least then he would know where she stood with him. But instead he had driven the knife in deeper, and for that he couldn’t say he blamed her for it, “I’ve had worse, much worse. Maybe you’re not as tough as you think,”

She baulked, and realised he was teasing her, “Maybe we could go round two Monday morning, I bet it would hurt a lot having a hard plaster cast swung at your face,”

“For me or for you?” She smacked his arm with her good hand, and it made him chuckle again, and soon she was laughing too, resting her head back onto his shoulder comfortably, “I’m glad you’re okay, Bug,”

“Did you not hear where I put those morphine patches? I could paper mache with those bastards,”

And they danced between chuckles for another half an hour.

–

“Wait, wait, you’re going to compress her spine,” Derek stopped, Bugsy dipped at his waist where he was supporting her full weight because she’d complained she missed dancing with Penelope. She hated people walking on eggshells around her, and if anyone was going to have fun with her who could still make sure she was safe, it was Derek.

The woman grinned up at him, Derek’s hands safely around her waist and not pressing on her ribs whatsoever, though she had to admit she was ready for another dose of painkillers after a few hours of dancing between Hotch, then to JJ who had swiftly been taken over by Henry who wanted to be lifted high enough he could hold Bugsy’s hands like he had seen the others doing. David had even entertained her with a very slow three step waltz, until Derek had been her next target because he seemed to be having the most fun whirling Emily around the dance floor.

“Spencer!” She said and Morgan returned her to full height once he saw Reid’s fretful expression. She pouted, “Spencer, I was having fun,”

“You know what’s fun? Eating cake is fun, drinking water is fun, resting on the couch is fun,” He said, and Morgan was quick to hand the baby Prentiss over to Reid who rifled around his pocket to produce the tablet version of her buprenorphine, “You need more medicine or it’s going to hurt worse in the morning, remember? Getting ahead of the pain?”

She sighed, nodding, and before he could pop two out of the shiny, metal coated tray, she stopped him, “Wait, dance with me first,”

He looked at her incredulously, eyes softening when she stepped closer to him, her hand coming over the top of his to push the pain killers away, “It’s going to hurt more if you don’t get ahead of it now,”

“I know, I know,” She muttered, nodding docilely, “Look, I promise if you just dance with me a little now, I’ll have my meds and take it easy for the rest of the night, no questions asked,”

He looked unconvinced, because she was known to put up a fight when it came to doing something she didn’t want to.

She sighed, “If I sit down now, I know I won’t be getting back up again for the rest of the night, and I wanted to enjoy myself until I couldn’t anymore,”

Spencer looked at her pleading puppy dog eyes, and broke almost embarrassingly fast, letting her follow his hand into his pocket, putting the drugs away and letting her take his now free hand in his own.

“I’ll have it known I tried to stop this when this catches up to you and you have to go lay down on Rossi’s spare bed,” He argued back, but felt his stomach flip when she laced her fingers with his, pushing herself closer to him as a means of drawing him out of his grumpy mood.

“He has more than enough, just dance with me,” She brushed his attitude off, wrapping her plaster-cast over his shoulder.

He took her waist gently, feeling the plush, softness of her hips and wishing the heat away from his cheeks. She looked divine under the fairy lights, ready to be whisked away by sleep yes, but the sleepy blinks added to her charm, and she was soft and pliant under his touch like a tame cat ready to curl up on his chest.

“I had so much fun,” She said, meeting his adoring gaze, probably because he couldn’t drag his eyes away from her. He nodded, worrying then if his hair was sitting right or if hid bowtie needed straightening. She was a goddess in his arms, the colour of her dress matching her skin beautifully, a few wisps of hair falling over her eyes from where Penny had damn near done the quick step with her.

She looked like a dream.

“I never thanked you for everything you did for me when Emily was-” She gulped, her eyes suddenly down turned, like she couldn’t admit anything to the hazel of his eyes, not when they looked at her like that. “You were the only thing I had for a very long time, and I never really said how much it all meant to me,”

“You’re my best friend, I’m always going to be there for you,” He said, lovingly stroking a thumb over her skin, his voice tender as this touch, “That’s what friends are for,”

Even though he was sure he’d never felt this way about any of his friends before, even the tiny crush he’d had on JJ for all of two weeks when he’d first started at the BAU didn’t even make a mark on how she got his chest hammering like a jackrabbit.

Her face flickered with something he couldn’t read, and she nodded, “Right. Friends.” She swallowed heavily.

She slumped against him, like the wind had been taken out of her, her head on his shoulder, but it felt nothing like when she had danced with Hotch.

It felt like everything she’d ever wanted was right in her grasp, like the one person who made her feel whole again was pressed against her, stroking down her spine with an affection she could swear blind was nothing like she’d ever felt before. Like the only air she knew how to breathe was filling her lungs, every note of fresh linen, the hair gel he sometimes used to tame his curls, down to the faint smell of his apartment, so filled with books the smell of worn leather and thin paper seeped into his clothes.

She couldn’t remember who she was before she knew Spencer. She felt like she’d always known him.

He wasn’t just her friend, he was every bit of her that she wasn’t. Every ugly part of her that had always felt so alone, like loneliness was just ingrained into her since birth that seemed to jump up in a strange feeling of longing and home whenever he was near.

She let herself revel in his arms as long as she could, because she knew it was so illicit to be feeling so hungry for something she couldn’t have. She knew he was too good for her; she had never deserved any scrap of kindness he gave her. She could be mean, and rude, and loud, and ugly, and spiteful and he was everything she wasn’t. He was kind, and sweet, and gentle, and loving, and he didn’t deserve someone like her; he deserved so much better.

Bugsy let herself stay against his chest for a while longer, slowly swaying with him under the moonlight as JJ and Will took each other in their arms; a couple that fit together, Bugsy thought, two people who were so right for one another. Who deserved their happiness.

And so she selfishly let herself pretend she could have him as long as she could, silently dancing together under the pergola, until she agreed to go sit down because she would never admit that the ache in her side had started to seep back in, and he fussed over her some more and she told him he was being silly, but she preened under his affections anyway.

They’d reached a stalemate, Spencer would have probably called it.

Bugsy knew she shouldn’t want him, but she did. She shouldn’t want him because he was the pretty boy, the sweetheart that sat untainted by everything he’d seen and endured, the one who had jumped and cleared every hurdle life had thrown at him where she had fallen flat. He had gotten better on his own after Hankel; she had crashed and burned and taken nearly everyone with her. He was strong, and she was weak. She shouldn’t want him, it was selfish, but she did.

Spencer knew he couldn’t have her, because she was beyond anything he had ever dreamed of, beyond his best friend, beyond the girl who kissed him and didn’t ever want to talk about it again. He couldn’t have her because she was still healing, still wounded and vulnerable and rattled from barely recovering her relationship with her sister before she’d had a bank dropped on top of her. It would be wrong, it would be selfish, she would never want some scrawny kid from a shitty home where he was beaten up by girls even smaller than him and wedgied so hard he had to follow the librarian to class. He was a nobody. He couldn’t have her because she deserved so much better, but he wanted her.

They sat at a stalemate for a few weeks longer, until Emily got a job offer in London, and she asked Bugsy to take an internship at Interpol one of her old associates had sent to her. Twelve weeks learning how international databases worked, even some forensic work for Scotland Yard if she played her cards right.

And she took it; without much warning she took it, even if not to give herself some breathing space from how much her chest pined to be back in Spencer’s arms she had that night.

Bugsy headed to London, and didn’t look back.

2. The one with Maeve

Four Months. Bugsy had been in England for four months.

At first, they had called regularly, almost every other day, except the days she was just too tired to stay up until two am to call him when he got home. They had spent an hour on the phone at least; she had asked about the team, the cases, if he missed her yet which he always told her to knock it off because of course he missed her, and he had asked about London, and what England was like, and how Emily was doing.

Until around two months in when her schedule had changed to night shifts, and they could only ever communicate by texts, at which point he had been the one struggling to talk because he had no clue how to work his phone. She had called the odd time on her half an hour lunch break, but it was always rushed, never consistent, usually ending up with her excusing herself and hanging up on him fast because she was needed urgently somewhere else.

Cynically enough, the only time she could ever call was Sundays. Sundays when he was already busy, Sundays when he was admittedly on the phone, only he wasn’t talking to her.

He was talking to Maeve.

The geneticist he had been ready to tell her all about before JJ’s wedding, who had all but cleared up his migraines within a few sessions, who had asked him three days after Bugsy had flown out what had made his head flare up again and so he’d told her. Told her his best friend moved to another country temporarily, that he missed her and had been looking after her cats for her while she was gone because her new landlord wouldn’t let them have pets. And it had spiralled from there, she had asked more about the rest of his life, and he had asked about hers, and suddenly they weren’t just talking about his migraines anymore, they were flirting.

He hadn’t told Maeve that he was in love with said friend who had taken a great opportunity with both hands and fled the second she could. He couldn’t hold it against her, not when he was choosing his calls with Maeve over the only chance he had to speak to Bugsy, and four months really wasn’t that long in the scheme of things.

That was what he’d tried telling himself at least. He missed her more than anything, and the only thing that he’d found combatted the sting of her being gone was Maeve.

Maeve; who he had never seen, whose voice was sweet and alluring, who got his humour the way girls rarely ever did (besides Bug ofcourse). Who liked what he liked, and could talk his ear off about what she’d been reading, and about her day in the lab.

She was Bugsy in every other font, every other manner, and best of all she liked him. She told him weeks ago she liked him, that she wanted to date him, that he was her dream guy.

Call him a cynic for enjoying having a chance with someone, then that’s what he was.

Life since he had tried pushing away his unrequited feelings for one Prentiss girl had been going swimmingly. He liked their new team mate, Alex Blake, the brilliant linguist who warmed to him quite quickly; he had a girl at his heels who returned his feelings, who was everything he always said he looked for in a partner, even without having ever seen her face, and he was rather enjoying having Nico and Sergio around to keep him company.

But as it always did, the contented limbo he’d found himself in where he might actually be able to get a girlfriend came to a screeching halt on Sunday afternoon when he was stepping outside at three forty-five, readying himself for the ten minute walk to the nearest phone booth for their call at four pm on the dot. He had just about locked his front door, turning on his heel with his scarf draped over his shoulders when he had collided with someone’s chest.

“Oh I’m so- Bugsy?”

“Spencer!” She smiled at him wider than she ever had before, and she threw her arms over his shoulders because he had never protested to her affection before, “It’s so good to see you- I missed you so much, there’s so much I have to tell you-”

“What are you doing here?” It sounded like a confrontation, though he hadn’t meant it that way, just that he hadn’t been expecting her back for another two weeks at least and he certainly hadn’t expected to see her today, right before he was about to go call the girl he was sort of seeing, sort of not.

She bristled at his tone, because he didn’t sound nearly as happy to see her as she had expected. Pulling away, she realised he hadn’t even bothered to hug her back, and she tried to shove away the embarrassment that she’d never ever felt in front of him before.

“I- just- I wanted to surprise you. Interpol said I could finish early since I’d finished all my paperwork and could take the exams online in a few weeks,” She stammered, feeling uncharacteristically stuck for what to say. He flicked a look down to his wrist, his brows furrowed like she was taking up too much time, “Is something wrong, did I do something wrong?”

“No, you just-” He breathed heavily out of his nose, running a hand through his hair, “I’m late for something,”

“I’ll drive you!” She jumped at the chance, fishing for her keys in her pocket, “Car’s right out front, I sort of just threw it there because I wanted to see you,”

“I’m walking,” He said, in that frustrated tone again and she stopped looking at her jacket, her eyes snapping to his as he looked past her like she was in his way.

“O-okay, well then do you want company?” She said, her bag heavy with the souvenir she got him, though now it seemed to be weighing her down.

“It’s sort of personal,” He replied shortly, like she was a stranger selling him something on his doorstep, when really he was just cursing his luck that the girl he’d spent months trying to get over was here in front of him like someone was waving a bone in his face and he was a pup being told to sit. He was cursing the fact that he had spent hours and hours dreaming of the minute he’d see her again and she had showed up out of the blue after weeks of little to no communication like a damn hallucination of the senses.

She stopped then, her face contorting into a frown, “Is everything okay, are you sure I didn’t do anything-”

“You could have called, I’m kind of busy, Bugsy,” Spencer replied, even though he knew he was being unreasonable. It wasn’t her fault she was unravelling all of his progress just by being there. He thought he was finally getting over her, and with one whiff of her perfume, of her shampoo mixed with her natural scent, he was remembering just how in love with her he had been just a few months ago, like Pavlov’s fucking dog.

Her face fell then, into something kicked and hurt, “Sorry- my phone died on the plane, I didn’t even think, I just- I just wanted to see you,”

He faltered, the frustration leaking out of him, but before he could really say much else, she’d taken a step away, swung around to head for the stairs, “Sorry, I’ll call next time, sorry I got in your way, Spence,”

And she sounded genuine, not annoyed like he would expect for someone who’d been spoken to like trash. The guilt seeped in almost immediately, but then his mind ticked over the minutes he had left until Maeve would be expecting a call. Nine minutes now, he would need to speed walk.

He could make it up to Bugsy as soon as he was done with the girl who was almost her but not.

–

Spencer felt like an idiot. He hadn’t stopped thinking about the look on her face when she had left his apartment, nor had he not stopped chiding himself for not heading straight out after her.

His phone call with Maeve hadn’t gone how he’d expected, which would have been the only thing soothing the burn of his scathing tone, except she had hung up rather abruptly after he had suggested they meet up, something that had played on his mind for weeks now.

“Are you being safe?” He asked, the payphone hard and cold in his hand as he pressed it to his ear.

She chuckled softly down the phone, a sound that would have made his heart flutter if he hadn’t been feeling so wound up about seeing Bugsy, “Yes, I’m being safe,”

“Do you think he knows about us?” Spencer dared to ask after a moment of silence, because he could tell it was worrying her too. He wondered if the two of them would be dating by now if it wasn’t for the fact she had a stalker who may or may not turn his attention to Spencer if he realised they were seeing one another.

“No, as far as I can tell he doesn’t,” She said, her voice slightly more rigid than what he was used to. Her voice was always honey smooth when they spoke, and Spencer had more than enough time to wonder if it ever matched what she looked like. “And we need to keep it that way,”

The line went dead, and with it the only thing that he’d been telling himself was worth hurting his best friend even the tiniest bit went with it.

Spencer felt like an asshole. He’d tried calling Bugsy’s phone, then when she hadn’t answered he’d tried asking Penelope, who said she’d gone to visit JJ, Will and Henry since he was too busy.

At least that would have lightened her mood, he hoped, as he walked into the office Monday morning, and saw her at her desk, already chatting to Penelope with Derek’s arm around her shoulder.

She was all smiles today, pretty much how she had looked yesterday before he had all but kicked her out, and the sinking feeling in his chest tripled when she looked past Penelope’s shoulder and saw him. Her eyes wavered for a second, head turning downwards as if she hadn’t properly spotted him,

“Pretty boy! Look who it is,” Derek called him over, even though he was already speed walking and he stopped in front of her, looking her head to toe for the first time fully.

He realised then her hair was slightly different, that she’d had it cut shorter since the last time he’d seen her, that she’d gotten a new ear piercing. It made her look older, more mature than when he’d last seen her, or maybe he had just not seen her in so long. Maybe he just hadn’t bothered, he thought painfully.

“I saw him yesterday,” Bugsy said, and he felt caught immediately, Penelope’s head whipping to him, “He was kinda busy though, weren’t you, Spence? More of a passing visit.”

She sounded indifferent to yesterday’s rudeness, like it hadn’t really phased her despite the fact he’d seen for his own eyes the way her expression dropped.

“I was- I had an appointment,” He said, because he felt the need to explain himself even if he couldn’t.

She smiled at him, something dampened and fake, “I leave for a few months and suddenly boy wonder is too busy to talk to me, what is the world coming to,” She joked, and Spencer felt his cheeks heat up in embarrassment, though Penny and Derek laughed.

“No, really, I had an appointment-” He tried to reason, but Penelope stopped him before he could fret too much, his hands wringing and he tried to lie on the spot without getting caught.

“She’s just kidding, Spence, don’t worry,” Pen shook him off warmly, quickly grabbing Bugsy’s arm tightly, the faint scar where she’d had her surgery trailing up her skin, “Now, to my bat cave, where we can talk all about just how good British guys are in bed without the boy germs getting all over our gossip,”

Bugsy laughed, allowing herself to be pulled along, right past Spencer without a second glance, despite the fact he looked like he was about to throw up.

Why hadn’t he thought about that? Why hadn’t he considered for a second that she would meet anyone, if not seriously, then for a one night stand? What if all those nights she was too busy to talk she had been with someone, someone much cooler and hotter and overall more experienced than he was. He was thirty years old and he had only ever slept with two women, one being Austin the bartender she’d told him to go after despite him lingering around her the whole night, the other being a girl he’d met in O’Keeffes after a hard case when he had been a few months sober, wanting anything, anyone, to take his mind away from going back to the little vial of trouble.

How could he be so stupid? Of course she’d be hooking up with other people. She was young and gorgeous and smart as a whip and single. She’d be any guy's dream.

He knew he was being so, so disgustingly hypocritical. He hadn’t stopped thinking about Maeve for months, and yet here he was seething with jealousy at the very thought of Bugsy being with someone who could love her without feeling guilty for loving her.

Spencer swallowed his pride and set his stuff down on his desk, watching Penelope grab Alex and drag her to her bat cave on her way, the older woman lighting up at the fact she was meeting the Bugsy Prentiss.

He sighed, running a hand through his hair, and felt a migraine start to ache behind his eyes.

–

“Alex- Blake, where are you going?” Spencer called, shoving his cell in his back pocket as he jogged toward the woman about to climb into the SUV.

Sure enough, Bugsy had been back in the office for one hour before they were getting pulled into another case, and she was more than happy to jump in to help with her new found skills in Interpol.

It was a gruesome case, which was saying something for all the shit they’d seen. The UnSub was amputating legs off one victim to then put onto his next one. There had been one guy waking up in his hotel room with both legs missing below the knee, then another gentleman had walked into an ER room with legs that weren’t his own attached to his sockets.

It made Bugsy’s skin crawl, but that was simply a day's work for them. They were at the most recent victim’s body; a woman who seemed to have been too weak to survive the surgery had been dumped on the street with her limbs switched to someone else’s. They had at least one other victim they hadn’t found yet, the girl thought darkly.

“Hotch called, he wants us back at the station ASAP,” The woman replied, Bugsy at her side.

“Can you give me a ride to 5th and Main, it’s on the way?” Spencer asked, trying his hardest to ignore the frown the youngest Prentiss gave him, confusion written across her face.

“Uh, yeah sure. What’s at 5th and Main?” Alex asked, also confused as to what was so pressing he needed to side track their case.

“I need to talk to somebody,” He replied shortly, the same cut off tone he’d used with Bugsy just the day before, and Alex faltered.

“Yeah, uh, okay. Sure.” She agreed, not wanting to rock the boat considering she was still so new to the BAU. She looked over at Bugsy, who seemed disgruntled as she headed for the passenger side, Spencer climbing into the back of the SUV with a troubled look on his face when their eyes met in the rear-view mirror.

“You’re coming with us?” He asked, looking on edge when he saw she’d gotten into their car and not into JJ’s like she had on their way over there.

“Yeah, is that a problem?” Bugsy asked, and he shrugged, playing with his fingertips in his lap.

“No, that’s fine, I just didn’t know you were coming with us,” He replied shortly, his face starting to warm when he realised how rude he’d sounded. He heard her sigh, and look out the window with no more protest in her.

Alex didn’t ask questions as she put the handbrake down, perhaps sensing the tension in the car between the two agents, and she didn’t need to be a profiler to tell there was either a lot unsaid between them or maybe even words that no one could take back.

Either way she did as he’d asked, because Bugsy hadn’t actually protested, just bit at her fingernails that said she was thinking too hard, and stepped on the gas.

–

The car pulled around to where a dimly lit payphone sat, empty and looking like it hadn’t been used in years. Which it probably hadn’t, besides as a dog urinal.

Alex stopped the car, and Spencer was already opening the door before she could even put it into neutral, “Do you want us to wait?”

“Uh, you know what, it might take a while, so I’ll just get a cab back,” He said, his tone clipped and leaving little room for questions. He felt Bugsy staring at him in confusion from the front seat, and he avoided her gaze like the plague, even if there was something sad in them that he was being so distant. “Thanks anyway,” He hopped out the car slamming the door shut, and digging through his pocket for change as he headed for the payphone.

Alex drove off, and he felt his chest get lighter for it, because he didn’t know how much longer he could keep up the act.

He hated lying, especially to her. Every morsel of his being writhed in discontent whenever he would lie, like the truth was just begging to slip out one way or another, and he knew he would only feel all the more guilty for it as soon as the case was over and he couldn’t avoid her eyes that haunted him like a wraith or her touch that seemed to have been kept to herself since he had snubbed her hug at his doorway.

He knew he was pulling away, knew she was doing the same thing, and he hated it.

Bugsy sat in the car, her face moody as anything as she glared out the window and Alex took the corner around the block.

“So is it usually like this between you two?” Alex dared to ask, her food steady on the pedal, “The lingering looks, the awkward silences? From what Penelope told me, the two of you are as close as can be,”

“Yeah, usually we are,” Bugsy replied coldly, and within a second she was unplugging her seatbelt, “In fact, pull back around the block. I’m done with him being an asshole without an explanation.”

Alex felt like she had just pulled a pin from her grenade with her delicate question, though she had meant entirely well, and did as the girl told her to, worried just what might blow up in her face if she didn’t.

Spencer had already dialled the number he knew off by heart, with or without his eidetic memory, by the time they pulled around.

His face dropped, knowing the returning call would be coming any minute now and he just hoped Maeve wasn’t too worried about him. But he had no time to think about her, because the second he saw Bugsy getting out of the car he could tell she was pissed.

Pissed in a way she had never been with him, but then he supposed, he had never treated her like that either.

“I’m going to give you one chance to tell me the truth, Spencer, because I’m tired of the clipped responses and the pushing me away,” She said, walking over to him like he owed her money. Which he didn’t. But he did owe her a good explanation as to what the hell was going on with them, “Did I do something? You can tell me if I’m an asshole, I know I can be an asshole, but you have to tell me so I can fix it-”

“You haven’t done anything, Bug, just please get back in the car,” Spencer cut her off, which was clearly the wrong move as he saw her brow raise at him.

“Something’s not right, Spencer,” Alex agreed, though she held back because hurricane Bugsy seemed to be more than enough intimidation for the guy, “What’s the deal?”

“What do you mean? Why did you guys come back?” He rushed, because he could feel his face warming, and he played with his fingertips like he did when he was struggling.

“Don’t answer a question with a question,” Bugsy chided, and he rubbed his palm with his thumb self-soothingly, and that was what tripped him up. Her eyes zeroed on his hands, looking back up at him and he almost went white at the predicament he’d found himself in, “You’re lying about something,”

“No, I’m not, I would never lie to you-” She pulled his hands apart, looking at him with hurt written across her soft features.

“Bullshit, I know when you’re lying, Spencer, or did you just forget that we’re best friends. That seems to mean nothing to you nowadays,” She snapped, and he could only look back at the phone booth, knowing that she would be calling any second now, “Are you even listening to me?”

Her tone was hurt, wounded, because he had to admit he was being inconsiderate.

“A while back, I found a geneticist that helped clear up my migraines, and we stayed in touch while you were in London,” He said, because that was all true, and she couldn’t call him a liar again if he was telling the truth.

“So? What does that have to do with the case,” Alex prompted, her own face scrunched in ire as he hopped around the subject.

“I think maybe my friend may be able to see something we’ve missed.” Spencer rushed out, his eyes puppy like as he willed Bugsy to stop looking so damn betrayed.

“You have four of the best minds I know back at the station, you have a woman with a biochemistry master's standing in front of you who dabbled in medicine for fun, but you need your friend for help?” Alex responded, because there was no way he was getting out of the hole he’d dug himself if she had anything to say about it. She too, as new to the team as she was, had no time for secrets on a job where trust meant everything.

“I know, but sometimes a different perspective helps me think better, okay?” He replied, his hand itching to take his palm back because he knew it still wasn’t the full truth.

Bugsy scoffed, crossing her arms over one another, and shifting her weight to one foot.

“You’re being ambiguous, you always do that when you’re lying,” She muttered, loud enough for him to hear and he gulped, turning his head to the ground.

“All of this begs a bigger question, why did you ask me to bring you?” Alex asked, because she was thinking the same thing.

“I don’t understand what you’re talking about,” Spencer said, but his spine straightened impossibly when the payphone began ringing, and he seemed skittish like a naughty school child.

“You could have asked JJ or Morgan to drive you, but you asked me. You had a problem with Bugsy coming, because you didn’t think she’d be with us, so what’s the deal? Why me?” Alex pushed, and Spencer flustered, his head whipping around to where the high pitched chime continued, and he knew she didn’t have much time before the line went dead.

“Alex, please,” Spencer begged, feeling Bugsy’s eyes boring into the side of his head as he avoided her gaze like the plague.

“Just answer the question,” Bugsy bit out, because she was sick of being ignored all day, of being treated like she was contaminated or like he had never known her a day in his life. Not when she had flown on the first plane back to see him because she missed him more than she could ever tell him.

Not when she had been racing up the stairs to his apartment, her souvenir in her bag, the words on the foreword written in her own hand ready to tell him how she felt.

Because she knew it, after weeks of not seeing him, hours of just missing him and the few texts back and forth, she knew it. She knew she had to tell him, even if they had to brush it under the rug to be friends again, even if it was a shot in the dark she had to tell him.

She couldn’t choke it down anymore.

Only when she’d gotten there, thrown her arms around him, he almost felt like a stranger beneath her hand, almost felt like he never even knew her.

Spencer sighed heavily, looking at Alex because he thought he might just crack if he looked at Bugsy when he said it.

“Because I didn’t want them to know about her, alright?”

And she knew it then, knew it by the way he’d softened entirely when he said her, the way he seemed to melt just by thinking of her, the way he cowered into taking a step back towards the phone booth. It wasn’t just his geneticist, it was someone else entirely. Someone so much more to him.

Bugsy felt a lump in her throat, and she forced with all her might to not let her eyes well with tears. Because friends didn’t feel like they’d been sucker punched in the gut at hearing they were seeing someone else. Friends didn’t feel an all consuming jealousy writhe under their skin at the idea of them being with someone who wasn’t them, feeling something for someone who wasn’t them.

That wasn’t what just friends did.

And Bugsy thought with horror, as he picked up the phone and spoke in hushed, gentle tones that he once did with her, that they might never be friends again.

3. The one with their first date

Things were weird. Really weird. And painful. Really, really fucking painful.

Bugsy and Spencer had never been like this, never been so cold besides the first time they’d ever met, and even then she had warmed him from the inside out. She was sharing her sharlotka within hours of even knowing him, never even knowing he was knee deep in an addiction he was struggling to face alone, and that she had made him feel better than he had in weeks with her smile and her kindness and her quick witted brain.

Things were strange between them, and it was becoming noticeable too.

She boarded the jet behind Alex, the woman taking a seat next to Hotch at the table, the only other seat left being next to Reid, who stopped midway through what he was saying.

“It’s difficult to lure most people from the security of their own homes, eighty four percent of stalking victims have some sort of original connection with their stalkers, meaning-” He paused, and so did she for a fraction of a second, debating whether to sit beside him. She straightened quickly, dipping her head down and looking to the floor, and bristling past the empty seat to sit herself next to JJ on the couch.

He cleared his throat, trying to look like his face hadn’t dropped in hurt, and continued.

Hotch and JJ exchanged a look, the same silent message reading clear in their eyes.

The blonde looked up from her file as the others chatted, Penelope piping up from their computer, and glanced at the younger woman who was unpacking her things on her lap, despite there being a perfectly good table next to them.

“You alright, Bug?” JJ asked, trying not to seem too worried, yet she knew she was coming off troubled by the tense behaviour from the pair of them.

It had been three weeks of this, the silences, the uncomfortable pauses, the avoiding each other at all costs. The only time they ever really spoke was on a case, when they were closing in on an UnSub and their feelings had to be put to one side for the moment. Well, her feelings. Because all of his feelings were occupied as of the moment. With Maeve.

She couldn’t stomach talking about the woman anymore, couldn’t stand Derek’s teasing remarks about how lover boy was getting lucky, or Penelope’s thousands and one questions about the geneticist that she knew had come from a place of care, or Alex’s motherly guidance on his love life. The entire thing made her feel queasy, and she stayed quiet most days in the way he’d always hated, the way he’d always tried to pry her out of.

But nowadays he didn’t bother. Didn’t bother much with her at all, really.

“Yep,” Bugsy said, her lips tight, “Peachy,”

JJ knew not to ask any more than that.

–

Human marionettes were a first for her, she had to admit. They had already found two victims stuffed into boxes with craft paper surrounding them, their limbs almost entirely broken out of their sockets ante-mortem. It was a time sensitive case, with two deaths in three days and no sign of slowing down, and so that meant that of course the two brains of the team were assigned together, even if Hotch saw the way her face dropped when he’d said it.

She was drawing the geographical profile on the board, the squeaking of the marker against the screen the only sound in the room aside from Spencer’s flicking of pages.

“Did you get the first dump site?” He asked, even though he knew she more than likely would have done.

“Mhm,” She said, not bothering to actually say anything, because it was a stupid question she knew he was only asking to fill the awkward silence between them.

“What about the store that sold the outfits, did you get-” He started, only for her to cut him off with a clipped tone.

“Got it, and I got the radius around the store, and I got the second dumpsite.” Bugsy replied, capping the lid to the marker pen and setting it down on the desk beside him, “I’m going to get coffee. Want one?”

Though she didn’t stick around long enough to really hear his response. She simply waltzed out of the room to the tiny kitchenette the police station had to offer, in search of anything that would keep her occupied and away from snapping at him.

What had she really got to be mad at him for? For getting a girlfriend? For rubbing it in everyone's face how happy she made him, how perfectly suited she was for him? Except she didn’t think that last one was necessarily true, it just felt that way because it cut her so deep to hear about the girl who was everything she wanted to be. She had no right to be mad at him for anything except being distant with her since she got back from London.

She still made him a coffee half heartedly, swirling in a tonne of sugar the way she knew he would like, because he never changed being so perfectly him in the time she was away.

She used to tell him he didn’t need all that sugar because he was sweet enough as he was, because it was true. He used to be entirely honeyed and saccharine when he spoke to her, now she was lucky if she got a full good morning.

Bugsy bit her lip to stop it from quivering, and took the mugs back to the tiny office they were stationed in, seeing Alex at the door and hearing half their conversation.

“Is this about, uh, phone booth girl?” Blake asked, and Bugsy wanted to snap because what else would they be talking about. Her name was Maeve, she wanted to snarl, Maeve, Maeve, Maeve, Queen of the Fairies and of Spencer’s heart, Maeve, Maeve, Maeve.

She never hated a name so viscerally, though she knew in deep down it wasn’t her fault. Maeve didn’t do anything wrong, she just fell in love with Dr Spencer Reid and his charms. She couldn’t blame her, really. It wasn’t difficult to do so.

“She wants to meet,” Spencer’s voice was soft and nervous, and it was the most she’d heard him talk all day.

Bugsy froze, and Alex’s jaw dropped, “Wait, you guys have never met?” She saw Spencer shake his head just before she rounded the corner back into the office, feeling like she was intruding immediately, “Aren’t you curious what she looks like?”

“Oh, it doesn’t matter what she looks like, she’s already the most beautiful girl in the world to me,” She stopped at the doorway, feeling like she’d had the entire cup of hot coffee dumped over her chest in a scalding pain the minute she’d heard it.

Spencer called her beautiful many, many times before, both when she’d been done up to the nines and even when she was running away from a damn wedding in the middle of a storm and she looked like a sewer rat.

But that didn’t matter, because everything about Maeve was beautiful to him, and that was where she seemed to draw the short straw. Because who would find her selfishness beautiful? Or her spoiled nature, or how she could be so crass and rude she had been in more fights before she started the BAU than she’d care to admit. But Maeve was nothing like that. She was sweet and gentle and beautiful on the inside.

Bugsy plonked his coffee down harder than she’d wanted to, and he thanked her, pausing for a second as he looked between Alex and Bugsy, the second woman now sipping her steaming coffee freely and pinning maps to an adjacent board as if she couldn’t hear a word they were saying.

“What if she doesn’t like me?” He said, fiddling with his sleeves, “I mean; I slouch, my hair’s too long, my tie is perpetually crooked,”

“Your hair’s fine,” Alex combats back, watching the girl down her drink in a few sips, “Jesus, do you have asbestos in your throat?”

Bugsy turned to her and shrugged silently, “I’m tired, I needed the caffeine,”

Alex watched her with a hesitant eye, as if she was keeping just as close an eye on her as Jennifer but didn’t want to say, before she stepped away from the doorway, “Alright, I gotta run. You kids update us if you find something out.”

And with that Blake took her leave, leaving the room in silence for a moment, and Bugsy heard Spencer thinking too loud with that big brain of his.

She sighed, tacking a map of the city up next to the other one with points of interest noted on, “You’ll be fine,” She said after a minute, and he froze.

“I’m sorry?” He asked, formally like she asked to sit next to him on the bus or to squeeze past him in a store.

“I said you’ll be just fine on your date with Maeve,” She reiterated, using a purple sharpie to start drawing the routes the victims took to work.

Spencer sighed, shuffling papers around his desk, “How can you be so sure?”

She looked at him then, properly looked at him and he felt his breath almost catch. He’d been telling another one of his half truth’s earlier, because he couldn’t very well say just how many night’s he’d thought about Bugsy being all over him, about kissing her and sweeping her off her feet, about squeezing her close to him in a passionate embrace and never letting her slip away again. He thought about all the times she professed how much she loved him and how good a friend he was to her, and how happy she made him, and how he had spent the first year of knowing her getting to know her for that big brain of hers that rivalled his own.

He wanted her more than he’d ever wanted anything, but he couldn’t have her. He could have Maeve though. He could meet her and fall in love with her and marry her. He could do it. But she still wouldn’t be her.

She smiled at him like she had a secret, one she was willing to share with him, one that came at a cost but she would give it to him anyway because it was him and she was so good to him and deserved so much better.

“What’s not to like about you, Spencer?” She said softly, her expression that of a street dog looking for scraps.

He swore he shuddered when she said his name like that, but he tried a smile back at her anyway. But it was too late, she’d already turned away to continue plotting the points on the map.

Spencer felt his chest swell in a way Maeve had never gotten it to do.

–

He felt stupid. Half an hour of primping himself in the BAU bathroom, worrying and fussing over what he was wearing and if his hair sat right and if his face looked too skinny, he had made it to the restaurant only to baulk at the last minute when he’d seen a guy in a booth flicking his head to look back at where he was sat in a window seat, a red rose potted in the middle of the table and an empty chair across from him.

He had panicked and called Maeve, told her to go home because her stalker was there at the restaurant, and she had done just that with little to no question. Only for him to see, minutes later, the guy he thought was her stalker being approached by another guy and he realised he had likely been looking out the window to check for taxi’s parking outside the restaurant.

Spencer had blown it, the one chance he had at meeting her in person, and he felt more like an idiot than ever.

He didn’t care about the weird rift between them at that moment, he just wanted to see Bugsy, because she always seemed to know what to say to make him feel better. Like she had a talent for it, even when he had not been the best friend himself.

He knew he had to fix it, knew it didn’t matter if it was a little unethical to be on the cusp of having a girlfriend whilst also pining after his best friend, he didn’t care. He wanted to set things right with her just to have his best friend back.

He walked up to her apartment complex, the excuse already brewing in his head that he missed Nico and Sergio, that he maybe missed her a whole lot too but he knew the cats were a sweetened deal way of getting him through the door. Because she would never say no to him seeing the boys.

And then he would tell her, that he’d been an asshole the past few weeks, that he’d been struggling to understand how to balance time between her and his almost girlfriend, because that was a much better half truth than the fact he was trying to bury his feelings for her so deep they couldn’t see the light of day or else his life would be entirely ruined.

That’s exactly what he would say.

Spencer felt a little better than he had leaving the restaurant knowing he’d messed up his chance. In all honesty, he was excited to have Bugsy back, even if his night wasn’t exactly going to plan.

He waltzed up the stairs he’d been on a million times. She loved his apartment, she always said so, but he insisted her TV was bigger and so they usually stayed at hers to watch Dr Who when the newest episodes came out.

Spencer hesitated for a second, hoping his plan worked before he rapped on the door with boney knuckles, his hand fingering the strap of his bag nervously as he heard her moving behind the door.

“One second!” She called, and he chuckled, she had probably fallen asleep on the sofa without pants on, or maybe even just gotten out the shower, either way he heard her scrambling to get clothes on and then-

She swung the door open, and his eyes quickly dropped to her neck that had a long row of hickeys trailing down to her collar bone. His small smile at seeing her vanished like one of those magic tricks he liked to do, and he realised her lip gloss was smudged over her chin, her shirt definitely wasn’t her own and he didn’t actually think she had even bothered to put on underwear beneath the large band tee she’d clearly thrown on in the middle of passion.

Bugsy looked like she’d seen a ghost.

“Spencer!” She said, her voice choked up like she was exhausted, and he felt his stomach turn. He looked away from her, like he couldn’t stand to even look at her, “I thought you were with Maeve- yo-your date,”

“I had to cancel, it wasn’t safe,” He murmured, tugging the strap of the bag tighter around his shoulder.

He felt like a complete loser. More than he ever had being shoved into lockers, being dipped into toilet water, being led around by the librarian and her damn butterscotch.

Spencer felt like his chest was caving in, which he knew was fair on no one to admit, but it was true.

“Are you okay?” She asked immediately, scanning him over for wounds, “Are you hurt- Is Maeve okay?”

He opened his mouth to reply when he heard foot steps and a hand appeared around her waist, tugging her into a muscled body as the door opened wider.

“Who is it, babe?” A deep voice spoke, and Spencer felt his face go green when he saw the adonis of a man who stood behind her, his chest littered with smudged lip gloss and bruises resembling her own neck trailing down to his crotch.

Her face was on fire when Spencer looked back at her, something betrayed in the hazel of his eyes which he knew was entirely illicit to feel in the circumstances, but it was true.

“Fuck off, Renly,” She shoved him back behind the door, looking at Spencer like the friendship between them they were scrambling to salvage hung in the balance with whatever she said next. “You remember Renly, my lab partner at Johns,”

Spencer nodded, the image of her lips on his pubic bone wouldn’t leave his mind, and he wondered what came after that, “I remember him,”

She nodded back, and they went silent.

They’d found themselves back at that stalemate.

TAGLIST:

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#spencer reid imagine #spencer reid x reader #spencer reid fanfic #spencer reid fanfiction #spencer reid #criminal minds x reader #criminal minds fic #matthew grey gubler x reader

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weeknd-ogoc · 8 months

Text

FRIENDS WITH YOUR EX・。.・゜✭・. LN4

SUMMARY: in which lando is nervous to see how carlos will react when he sees him with you. (inspired by landon barker's song, friends with your ex) FACE CLAIM: kylie jenner CONTAINS: flashbacks of reader dating carlos, jealous!lando, jealous!carlos, unprotected sex, a fight, emotional cheating! AUTHOR'S NOTE: i've been working on this all night so i hope you guys love it!

2019

it was three years ago when lando norris had met you during the start of your relationship with carlos sainz — he was at the time his teammate for mclaren. the both of you had gotten along really well and he often found himself hanging out with you whenever your boyfriend wasn't around.

carlos found nothing wrong with it since he knew the two of you were close in age and he trusted the both of you.

"i brought you some chicken nuggets and french fries." you had told him as you left the box of food on lando's lap. "what is that stench?"

"thank you, you really saved me." he smiled as he munched on a french fry. "your boyfriend brought over some sushi for the group and the smell was god awful."

"oh c'mon it wasn't even bad." carlos said before placing a soft kiss on your forehead. "amor, i'm glad you're here!"

as you and carlos continued being painfully adorable, lando found himself looking away and quietly continued eating the food your brought him.

at the time he didn't even realize he had started catching feelings for you but as the two of you got closer he understood that that's what is was.

✭

"i was busy y/n!" lando overheard carlos yelling at you. "so what? you're just going to invite him whenever i can't make it to one of our stupid dates?"

"it was our anniversary date and you decided to skip on it to play golf with your friends!"

he awkwardly sat on the couch listening to your conversation going on upstairs. you had called him upset the night before because carlos decided to cancel on your anniversary date last minute so being the nice friend he was, he brought you pizza and some flowers.

maybe it wasn't the greatest idea.

so that same night after having a mini pillow fight and throwing popcorn at each other around your apartment, the both of you sat down watching some scary movie that you had picked out.

he had let out a loud boo which made you jump right into his lap. "what the hell!" you yelled before smacking his arm.

he wrapped an arm around you as he was laughing and used his other arm to try to protect himself from your hits. "i'm sorry! i thought it would be funny..."

when the laughs dialed down, he wrapped his arm around your waist more comfortably and you rested your head onto his shoulder.

yeah he definitely had it bad for you.

"you ever think about leaving him?" he quietly asked.

"don't do this lan i ca-"

"just tell me that you feel this connection too and it's not just m-"

your phone began ringing and the both of you realized the position you guys were in, he cleared his throat as you got up from his lap and sat back down next to him.

missed call from carlos.

"i can't make you wait till i decide to leave him, it's not fair to you..."

he gently grabbed your hand and shook his head. "i know we're going to be together eventually and i'll wait for you, no matter how long it takes."

once the movie finished the both of you had fallen asleep in your living room, he slept on the floor while you slept on the couch and the next morning carlos saw you guys sleeping soundly.

"you've got to be fucking kidding me..." carlos mumbled as he took his shoes off.

if it had been a few days ago he would've been fine with it but since everyone on social media knew it was your anniversary and the both of you had been spending it with other people, there were many opinions on that.

most of them talking about how maybe you had been seeing lando behind carlos's back since you guys were always together, there were others who defended you and said maybe carlos was the reason behind it all.

carlos was starting to see your friendship differently now — lando was always around, the both of you always goofing off, making inside jokes he could never understand...

"i'm sorry lando but you should leave..." you gently told him as you walked down the steps.

he nodded as he grabbed his sweater from the couch and followed you to the door. "you'll be alright?"

"yeah i'll be fine."

as he faced you, he saw carlos looking down at the both of you from the top of the stairs. "just call me if anything alright?" which you nodded to.

he didn't hear from you for a few days after that but he knew you were alright since you had been posting on your story, carlos and you had gone on a trip to spain to visit his family.

after returning he heard the news that carlos was signing a deal to join ferrari the following year which led lando to go visit carlos's house and tell him his side of the story.

"i'm sorry i misinterpreted your friendship with y/n but me joining ferarri has nothing to do with you..." carlos told him. "i just would appreciate if the both of you had some space, we're in a shaky place right now and i'm hoping i could propose to her soon..."

this moment was the moment he realized that he needed to put some space between the two of you so you could make your mind up.

"she's one a of a kind and i don't want to let her go."

neither did he.

"she is..." lando mumbled out before sipping on his water.

a few days after that conversation you had called and texted him a few times but he never answered so you eventually gave up. it took everything in him to not show up to your house and declare his love for you but for carlos's wishes he began to distance himself from you.

2020

the following year, carlos and you were finally back on track until there were rumors going around that carlos was seeing an ex girlfriend again.

"we just met for a coffee and that was it!"

you really didn't know if you should believe him since this was the girl he was with for years before you. before dating he had told you that he planned on proposing to her but it just didn't work out.

"i'm going to my place tonight, i'll see you tomorrow for your race..."

but you didn't really go back to your apartment, instead you went to a club with some of your friends and later found yourself hanging out with lando since he was there also.

"oh my god, i missed you!" you smiled at him as he threw a chip over at your way.

and god did he miss hanging around you too.

so for the next few weeks the two of you slowly began hanging out again and carlos was fine with it since he was currently busy with the ferrari group.

lando's feelings for you had slowly started creeping back in. he didn’t know what it was, but all the memories with you had been stuck in his head and he couldn't get you out.

you were like a dream in his head.

"oh carlos is so killing you when he finds out..." daniel joked as he put on his helmet.

lando's eyes were on you but then looked at daniel. "what are you talking about?"

"it's so obvious you're in love with her..."

✭

months later, carlos went to lando asking him for space between the two because things were shaky in the relationship again. "i'm starting to think you're the root of the problem..." carlos joked but lando knew deep down he probably wasn't joking.

it was the truth.

"dude i think you should just tell her..." his best friend max began ranting on about it.

he groaned before sinking deeper into the couch. "then i'd just betray carlos's trust and i don't want to do that!"

before they could carry on with the conversation the pair heard a knock on the door and max opened the door since lando was too busy sulking. "oh dude it's for you..."

and there you were standing with tears on your face so unfortunately the whole distance thing didn’t last very long for the both of you.

“woah, hey what happened?” lando asked you as he brought you inside and max made his way into his room.

“carlos asked me to move in with him but.."

"that's great right? shouldn't that be a good thing?" he helped wipe off a tear slipping out of your eye.

"i told him i didn't think we were ready for that yet and he got upset and asked for space but i just needed to know if you still had any type of..."

he knew it was coming, now he needed to figure out how to respond.

"feelings for me before i make a final decision."

you didn't know when it happened but your feelings for lando had returned again.

"of course i do b-"

he wasn’t sure what made you do what you did next but before he knew it, your lips were on his — the faint taste of your cherry chapstick gave him the urge to deepen the kiss but he snapped back into reality.

the both of you shouldn’t have been doing this.

"i can't do this to carlos, you're the love of his life and he's one of my closest frie-"

as you began getting up from your seat, lando's eyes landed on max who was waving his hands around from the corner of the room. "this is your chance!" he whispered.

oh fuck it.

he pulled you in by the waist and kissed you, backing away slowly he grabbed your cheek. “leave him for good” he whispered “and be with me.”

you nodded before kissing him again and lando let himself fall into the couch with you straddling him, not breaking the kiss.

"my boy is so getting it on!" max mumbled as he took that kiss as a queue to run back into his room.

and little lando norris did indeed get it on.

the two of you panted, trying to recover from your orgasms and lando scanned the room as he saw the clothes the both of you had on thrown around the floor and looked right back at you.

it was a peaceful silence for a while until he finally spoke. “so whose dick is better, his or mine?”

2021

the next year the both of you took it slow before officially getting into a relationship but lando had already found himself so fucking in love with you, like ridiculously so.

"c'mon love, just sleepover this week again." he complained before wrapping his arm around you and dragged you back into bed. "i'll die if you leave me."

you let out a giggle before kissing his cheek. "fine i will stay, can't have you dying on me."

you had officially broken up with carlos after the whole thing with lando.

"it's for the best..." carlos had agreed with you.

what you didn't know was that he actually had prepared a speech and bought a big, shiny ring because he knew you deserved a ring like that — so he had hoped he could change your mind about your decision in the future but you never did.

he confided in lando about the situation and it made him feel guiltier than ever. he also didn't know if he should have told you about the ring but at the end of his conversation with max, he decided against it.

since the both of you were busy and in different states most of the time, the both of you facetimed whenever you could and if you weren't busy he'd fly you out to wherever he was or he'd fly out to you.

"a club with the guys? are you sure?" you questioned him. "won't carlos be there?"

"i heard he wasn't going to be able to make it but i mean they know we're good friends so it shouldn't be weird or anything." lando helped you slip on your dress and observed it. "you don't think the dress is too short? i mean you look really hot bu-"

"nope i think it's perfect."

later on that night lando had a little too much to drink after seeing carlos practically on you the entire time — turns out he was able to make it only because charles had told him you were coming along so he wasn't able to hang around you much.

"i think they're going to get back together..." charles told the group as he took a sip out of his cup. "carlos said they've been texting or something like that."

"texting?" lando asked as he looked back at you laughing at whatever it was that carlos had told you.

daniel knew what was going on with the both of you — he had walked in on lando taking a rather intresting photo of his downstairs area in a public bathroom and after chasing him around he finally admitted to who it was going to.

"carlos is so go-"

"he's so going to kill me, i know!" he groaned as he snatched back his phone from him.

so as he continued watching lando taking yet another shot and go over to the booth where carlos and you were, he began to get nervous for him.

he plopped himself right next to you "hey lovebirds! what are you guys talking about?"

you gave him a look and noticed he reeked of alcohol.

"nothi-"

"about this trip i took her on for our first anniversary...."

lando lightly elbowed you and smiled. "oh wow must've been nice, you know i took her to se-"

now it was your turn to elbow him and just in time daniel had made it to the table. "come get a drink with me carlos, max is paying!" he was able to drag him away and you stayed behind with lando.

"what is wrong with you?" you asked him "you know he would've ki-"

he rolled his eyes before standing up and dragging you into the men's restroom. "i thought it was me you wanted to be with, why is charles saying you and carlos are talking again?"

"i do la-"

"so why are you letting him practically eye fuck you...." he scanned over your dress and groaned again. "it's that damn dress."

your dress made you look too good.

aside from carlos being with you the entire time, it had the guys staring at you every now and then.

you just looked so pretty to him — in your pretty dress, your pretty face isn’t helping the very visible print that was going on in his dress pants.

you rolled your eyes knowing what it was going to take for him to stop sulking like a child. you saw how his lust filled eyes were on you so it didn't take long before he started kissing you roughly, hands roaming over your body before he flipped your dress up and pushed your thong to the side.

"fuck you look so pretty like this..." he mumbled before sinking two fingers into your wet folds. "you're mine, you know that right?"

you nodded to his question and let your head fall onto his shoulder. "l-lan i need you..."

"stop!" lando instantly pulled your dress back down and the both of you heard a bathroom stall open, it was charles looking white as a ghost. "before this could go any further i need to get out of here."

he cleared his throat as he quickly washed his hands.

"carlos can’t kno-"

he nodded "i know, i won’t say anything..." as he opened the door he looked back to lando. “you know he’s going to kill you right?”

lando rolled his eyes and helped charles close the door.

you slapped his arm after he tried kissing you again. “really lan?”

he rubbed his arm. “ow, how was i supposed to know he was in here…”

after a few more minutes of bickering back and fourth — lando locked the door and was finally able to do what he wanted with you since before you guys had left the hotel room.

as he was blowing your back out he kept whispering sweet nothings into your ear.

“god i’d love to do this with you everyday…”

“i promise i‘m going to give you the world.”

“you would like that wouldn’t you?”

you gripped onto the tiled sink and the most you could respond was with uh huhs and mmhms.

2023

it had been an amazing year with lando already but the both of you had still kept it a secret.

during the singapore race carlos had helped lando get podium and it made him feel a bit guilty for not telling carlos the truth yet. carlos still considered him to be one of his bestest friends but once he finds out about your relationship, he was for sure going to kill him when he sees him with you.

you guys hadn't gone public yet, you were finally ready to do so and after getting p2 in japan he had decided he was finally ready also.

"i just want you to come with me to texas..." lando told you over the phone. "i've gone on the podium three times already and i just would really like to see you there for me for the next one."

you smiled and rolled your eyes playfully. “just say that you miss me…”

the both of you hated being away from each other for too long. lando could say he definitely hated it more than you — if you didn’t have a modeling career, he definitely would’ve loved for you to travel with him.

“alright fine i miss you, now will you please come back here.”

besides missing you there was something else he missed also, something nobody else could give him but you. the whole phone sex, pictures and sexting was just not cutting it for him.

so finally after you had agreed and flew over to his place in monaco, he wasted no time in receiving what he missed.

“missed you so much…” he mumbled with his right hand around your throat giving it a slight squeeze and placed a very wet kiss onto your lips.

✭

during media day, you had happily decided to go with lando. there were some people that gave you looks and others were happy about you guys being together.

"well looks like there's going to be a lot of drama today." pierre whispered to his girlfriend after they both smiled at you guys from a distance.

she playfully slapped his arm "oh hush, they look so cute together!"

lando held your hand the entire time and walked over to where oscar was sitting. "took you guys long enough..." he smiled looking at the both of you guys. "i was getting real sick of hearing him talk about you all the time."

lando rolled his eyes and wrapped his arm around you. "yeah, yeah, shut it."

while oscar and lando were doing an interview, you sat on a nearby chair and scrolled through your phone when you saw someone sitting next to you.

"has he seen you yet?" you heard.

"not yet..." you answered and looked at charles who held up a bag of chips towards to you.

you took one out of the bag and the both of you sat quietly. you had hoped carlos would be supportive and it wouldn't be a big thing but you knew how your ex boyfriend was so it made you nervous.

charles knew it was most definitely going to be a big fight because carlos still loved you — you could see the hearts in his eyes when he talked about you, he had hoped that you would make your way back to him.

after the interview lando and you decided to just walk around before someone else wanted an interview, lando was hoping you guys wouldn't bump into carlos anywhere.

for awhile you guys didn't but the luck was bound to run out at some time.

"i need to use the restroom, i'll be back." you had told him before planting a small kiss on his lips.

he smiled as he saw you walking to the restroom but it was soon washed away when he turned and saw carlos walking towards him.

shit.

"oh boy..." charles mumbled seeing the both of them from faraway before tapping oscar and running towards them.

"look mate, hold o-" lando started but before even finishing his sentence carlos had already swung on him.

lando clenched his jaw and backed up from him.

in a way he believed he did deserve that.

"how long lando?"

"awhile bu-"

before carlos could swing again oscar and charles held him back. the shouting had drawn the attention of others, including the photographers.

"i considered you one of my closest friends!" carlos yelled as the pair had finally let him go. "how could you do this to me?"

they both continued yelling at each other and lando was starting to lose his patience with him.

you had came out of the bathroom and saw everyone looking at the same thing, carlos tackling lando onto the floor while throwing a punch.

as you walked over there lando had managed to flip carlos over and punched him. "are you both being serious right now!"

from a distance the rest of the drivers were watching you yelling at the both of them from a distance.

alex handed george his fifty dollars. "i told you it was going to happen at some point."

"well he started it first..."

the pair continued bickering and carlos shoved lando again before looking at you. "i'm assuming he did not tell you that i was planning to propose to you and tha-"

lando rolled his eyes. "shut up carlos."

carlos pointed over to lando. "you shut up..." he looked back at you again. "that's why you went through with whatever bullshit story he gave you just to be with him."

lando tried grabbing your hand but you pushed his hand away. "why didnt you tell me about?"

"would it have made a difference if i did?" he looked at you as you stayed silent. "you had already left him and you were already with me when he told me..."

carlos chuckled before nodding. "that long huh?"

charles tried stepping in once he saw carlos's hand make a fist but he pushed him back and swung at lando.

lando was able to dodge it again and just before he could throw a hit, andrea and frederic came over before pulling the boys to the side. "what's going on here?"

while they talked to the boys, you had decided to walk back to the car. after a minute lando noticed you walking away from the distance and decided to run after you.

he pulled you to the side and saw you had tear streaming down your face. "love where are you going? let me grab my stuff and we can go home."

you shook your head. "i'm going back to my home a-"

"you're flying back to cali?"

you nodded. "lando that was really embarrassing for me! we aren't little kids anymore, there was no need to be fighti-"

"well he hit me first an-"

you gave him a look and he quickly stopped talking. "i'll call you when i land alright?"

he shook his head before grabbing your hand. "but where does that leave us?"

you shrugged as you moved your hand away from him and wiped one of your tears. "i don't know lan..."

f1 & f2 masterlist!

thank you guys for reading, my requests are open!

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oneforthemunny · 1 month

Note

oooh could we get some hockey!eddie, visiting/surprising him at practice, flufffffff 💕💕

for the sweetest most polite anon lol! hockey player!eddie who's birthday happens to fall during the training season.

"He's gonna be so stoked." Chris, the team manager grinned, pushing the heavy stadium door open for you.

"I hope so." You smiled gently, ducking under his arm, following him down the long, cinderblock stadium.

It was still so cold, despite the heat cranked high everywhere. Boston in the winter was brutal, winter time worse than Indiana's ever could imagine. It was a miracle you'd even made it, didn't get snowed in and grounded at the airport with all the snow.

"No, he's gonna love it, trust me." Chris grinned. "I got some of the guys in on it too, hope you don't mind. Just his coach and his agent. I told them he had an interview after practice."

"An interview?" You lifted a brow.

Chris snickered. "Yeah, he thinks you're with ESPN so just go with it." He shrugged. "I knew if I just told him to stay, he'd get suspect. Plus, this is gonna be fucking priceless."

You giggled lightly, following Chris around the hallway. A few players lingering around, most cleared out for the evening, but no sign of your curly headed love.

"Hey, Franco. Munson's in the conference room, right?" Chris nodded towards the closed door, the other man grunting in response. "Cool, hey, stay right here, ok? I'm gonna make sure he's ready and set up."

You nodded, standing to the side, a knuckled grip on your purse strap. Your tummy flipped with excitement, maybe nerves. It had been a few weeks since you'd seen Eddie, since he'd left for training season. You didn't want to be a distraction, but with his birthday this weekend, you couldn't let him celebrate alone. Especially not after he sounded so sad, so disheartened on the phone- he missed you, told you every single day, every time he called.

"...Perfect, one sec. I'll tell her you're ready." Chris opened the door, pulling you from your thoughts. He waved at you, stepping out with door still half opened. "I'll leave you two alone, but if you need me, I'm right out here."

Your heart fluttered, flipped and skipped with nerves, pushing the door open, sliding into view. You caught a glimpse at Eddie before he fully saw you, finger drumming on the desk, in sweatpants and a sweatshirt with the team's logo proudly on the front, hair still a little damp from his shower.

Your breath hitched, watching his face fall in shock once he saw you. A pause filled the space between you two, the door clicking with a shut behind you.

"Oh, no way." Eddie gawked, blinking hard, like he might be hallucinating. "N-No way. Is this real? Holy shit, you-you're- Baby, what are you doing here?" He stood from the table, tripping over it, the metal legs screeching when he shoved it.

"Surprise." You squeaked, opening your arms to hug him.

Eddie nearly tackled you in a hug, squeezing you tightly to him. "Holy shit, I can't believe you're here. You're actually here, I-I thought I was getting interviewed-"

"-No." You giggled, pulling back lightly to look at him. "Just me. I wanted to surprise you for your birthday."

Eddie's face lit up, lips curling in an even brighter smile. His hands cupped either side of your face, lips on yours, pulling you into a head spinning kiss that screamed I missed you I missed you I missed you.

"I can't believe you're here." Eddie muttered, lips vibrating against yours.

"Happy birthday, baby." You muttered back, fingers raking through his hair. You'd missed him, missed him much more than you realized now that he was standing here in front of you.

Eddie pulled back, looking up at the door. "Chris knew about this?"

You giggled, nodding. "He helped me get my flight and stuff. Picked me up from the airport."

Eddie shook his head, grin still wide on his face. "Chris! You fuckin' liar!" He yelled playfully, the men behind the door howling in laughter. "I thought I was about to get my cover story!"

You laughed, pressing your face to his chest, rocking with him slowly. "This is better though." Eddie added, hugging you tighter to him. "Just for the record, this is way fuckin' better."

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nkplanet · 6 months

Text

FIRST & SECOND

PAIRING: highschool!jungwon x highschool!reader SUMMARY: yang jungwon is your academic rival. the competitiveness between the two of you finally stops when you begin to crack under the pressure WARNINGS: angst (with comfort), toxic parents, jungwon is a little mean, reader skips meals/doesn’t take care of themselves, rushed ending bc i didn’t know how to end this whoopsies WORD COUNT: 1430

NOTE: happy christmas to all who celebrate! and if you don’t, i hope you’ve had a wonderful day anyway. feel free to talk to me about how your day was, even if it wasn’t the best!! 🫶 this fic is my gift to you - enjoy :)

yang jungwon had never been the nicest to you, but it wasn’t like you never reciprocated his snappy comments. sure, you were civil, but the constant competition between the two of you left things tense. even your teachers could sense it, trying to calm things down but failing miserably. you were the highest scoring students in your year, always one or two marks away from each other. some students even placed bets on which one of you would would get the highest scores after exams.

“so,” jungwon drawled from where he was sat behind you, “what do we think this time? personally, i think i’m going to exceed all expectations, and you’ll crash and burn.” you turned around and scoffed, “in your dreams, yang. we both know i’m going to be first this time.”

jungwon simply laughed at you, and you felt anger bubble up inside your chest. it was a math test and, although you were admittedly pretty good at math, jungwon beat you in every exam. his brain was somehow hardwired to remember every single topic you’d ever learned, and he wrote so impossibly fast that he often finished before many were halfway through their tests.

getting home that night, you knew your parents wouldn’t be happy. every time you had an assessment of any kind, they would ridicule you and force you to study until you passed out. tonight wouldn’t be any different.

you were immediately threatened with no dinner unless you studied, a meal which you often skipped in favour of looking over notes anyway. in fact, there were many things that you missed out during the day. you rarely stuck to a skincare routine, as they never fit into your rigorous schedules. it was rare that you really took the time to take care of yourself. although you knew it wasn’t healthy, your parents perpetuated this behaviour to the point where it was now your norm. and so, you began studying. you continued all through the night, almost forgetting to stop for a snack. it was only when you practically passed out on top of your textbooks that you stopped and had some rest.

it seemed when you woke up that your non-stop studying had finally caught up with you. you almost didn’t wake up with your alarm, and panicked after forgetting one of your books. you almost missed the bus but, when you finally got to school and embraced the peace that came with it, a nagging voice in your ear began tormenting you.

“so, almost late today? you’re really slipping, huh?” jungwon teased, leaning on your desk. you glared up at him through your lashes. “i’m not in the mood, yang. leave me alone.” “gosh, so rude. what must your parents think?” that one got you. you but your tongue, despite wanting to both cry and rip jungwon’s head off. you folded your arms and laid your head on them, effectively blocking jungwon out.

he looked confused as he walked behind you to his seat. where was your spark? normally you but him back. were his words really affecting you all that much? he stared at your slumped body in concern, absently flicking through his textbook as an attempt at some last minute revision. you stayed still, not moving a muscle. it was almost like you didn’t care anymore.

in reality, you didn’t. you’d gotten less than jungwon in that test. so much less that you placed fourth in your year. upon hearing of this, your parents went ballistic. they yelled at you, called you a failure and a disgrace, all while you simply sat and stared. you didn’t care anymore. you’d burnt yourself out, and it seemed like you didn’t want to do anything anymore.

people began to take note of your spiral. your teachers, especially, who offered you the minimum they could. you could hear your fellow students murmuring, wondering what had happened for you to fall so far. most of all, jungwon had grown increasingly worried about you. his recent quips (not that there had been many - in fact, he’d laid off a little) had gone unnoticed, and it was like nothing existed to you anymore. your grades continued to fall, as did your rivalry with jungwon.

after an essay, jungwon decided enough was enough. he stopped at your desk, tapping you on the shoulder to wake you from where you were slumped over, sleeping. “what do you want?” you mumbled, not meeting his eyes. “are you okay?” he asked. you could hear concern in his voice but failed to see how or why he felt that way. what if this was all just a trick? “i’m fine, yang. it’s none of your business anyway,” you retorted, looking away from him. “it’s just- you seem really down. you don’t talk to anyone, not even our teachers, and your grades have slipped-“ “is that was this is about? my grades? you couldn’t care less about me, you only want a competition. well, fuck you, jungwon. i don’t care anymore. i’m not gonna be your stupid punching bag.” he took a step back, looking genuinely offended. “fine. if that’s how you want it, that’s how it’ll be. good luck and good riddance.”

the next few weeks were hard. you’d come to realise that jungwon was the only person you really connected with at school, despite your rivalry. the isolation started getting to you, which was how you found yourself seeking him out. he’d been sat at his desk studying in a free period, and the classroom was almost empty. you walked up to his desk, and he looked up from his textbook.

“hi,” you said quietly, your voice cracking and tears coming to your eyes.

he stood up almost immediately, wrapping his arms around you tightly and leading you outside while you cried into his shirt. he shushed you as you continued to sob, stroking your hair. “it’s okay,” he said countless times, “you can cry.” you pushed away from him slightly, looking up at him with wet cheeks and red eyes. “i’m sorry,” you whispered. his heart broke at the sight of you.“you have nothing to be sorry about. if anything, i’m the one that’s sorry - i shouldn’t have said all those awful things to you. it was wrong of me,” he replied softly. you scoffed lightly, “we both said them, we’re both in the wrong here.” he just smiled at you.

you knew eventually you’d have to explain yourself, so you took a deep breath and looked away.

“my parents,” you started. jungwon tried to cut you off, tried to tell you that you didn’t have to tell him, but you raised a hand and continued. “my parents wanted me to be the best. they wanted me to be really smart, to go on to university and make the family proud. every time i got second place, they’d say these awful things. i just kept working harder and harder until i broke, i guess.” jungwon looked at you with something like empathy in his gorgeous eyes. “just how hard did you say you were working?” “hard,” you replied, “i know it’s not right, but sometimes i- i forget to take care of myself. i felt like i needed to forgo things so that i could be better.” he tutted, pulling you against his chest again. some nearby students gawped at you, and he sent them a terrifying glare. “you need to take care of yourself. this isn’t right.”

you simply sighed and buried yourself further into his arms. “i know, but right now i feel better than i have in weeks.” jungwon pulled away from you slightly, a scared look on his face. “listen,” he said, “i have something to tell you.” you became wary, untangling your arms from his. “i’ve liked you for a while. i guess i teased you to, i don’t know, bury the feelings? but i just can’t keep them in anymore. i really do like you.”

you couldn’t find the words to reply. he started to panic, stumbling over words to defend himself, so you did the one thing on your mind - you pulled him in by the collar of his shirt and kissed him.

he short-circuited, standing stiffly before kissing you back. one of his hands reached the back of your neck, while the other rested on your waist. when you separated, he said breathlessly, "i'm guessing that means you feel the same way?" you smiled at him, a sight he'd never be able to get enough of. "yes, you loser. i really like you too."

#nkplanet 🪐#nkplanet’s fics 🪐#enhypen #enhypen x reader #enhypen x you #enhypen comfort #jungwon x reader #enhypen jungwon #jungwon x you #jungwon x y/n

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jgracie · 2 months

Text

APRIL SHOWERS BRING MAY FLOWERS

masterlist | rules

❝ Hiii how are you?I love your blog,can i please request Leo x fem!reader where she is a daughter of Demeter(no one writes for my mother😭)and she gives him flowers?Like it’s the first time that someone gives him flowers and he so in love with reader?Thank you so much and have a great day🌸🌸🌸 ❞ — anon

in which honeysuckles, orange blossoms and white carnations barely scratch the surface of your love for leo

pairing leo valdez x demeter!reader

warnings none:)

an the demeter cabin has their own personal garden in this. they have one in any of my fics mentioning actually just because i said so LOL also i lowkey hate this idk why sorry in advance

Ever since you were young, you’ve loved the transition between April and May. Days spent indoors as you yearned for a moment in your mother’s domain, the heavy rain reflecting your mood and dampening your spirits, turned into ones where you’d devote your time to harvesting crops and admiring the beautiful flowers, carefully snipping them as different combinations for bouquets flooded your mind

You should be happy right now, since it’s the first week of May. Flowers have begun to bloom and blossom all around you, and your siblings organised a spring festival in celebration. You love everything about spring. However, there was someone you loved more

You and Leo only started dating a few months ago, after about a year of pining, and at first your relationship couldn’t be better. Leo’s so, very sweet and incredibly doting, always checking on you and making gadgets to help with your gardening before you even thought about needing them. However, recently, you couldn’t help but notice how you saw him less and less

In the beginning, he just wouldn’t show up for breakfast, or show up late on the days he did grace you with his presence, and you didn’t think much of it, knowing how busy he tended to get with his machinery. As time progressed, he started skipping dinner too, and capture the flag, and then you stopped seeing him altogether

You thought leaving him alone would fix it - not wanting to come off as overbearing - but now you began to wonder about what this meant for your relationship. Was he doing it on purpose so he could see you less? Had you done something wrong to make him feel this way? Sure, you teased him from time to time, but that was very minimal, and you always made sure he was aware you didn’t mean any harm

Whatever you did, you wanted to set things right. So, in the first week of May, instead of preparing for the spring festival with your brothers and sisters, you made Leo a gift. You weren’t going to force him to forgive you, of course, but the idea of hurting him was really weighing on your heart so you decided to show him you loved him in the best way you knew: flowers. You walked around the gardens outside your cabin, delicately picking out the flowers you were going to put in your bouquet for Leo. Once you’d done that, you picked some fresh fruits for him, hoping he was sustaining himself well

You waded through the forest with a basket of fruits in one hand and a bouquet wrapped with the best tulle and ribbons your cabin could offer in the other. Your heart was just about ready to beat out of your chest, partially due to excitement, partially due to worry

Once you got to Leo’s humble abode (because we all know this boy probs sleeps there more than he sleeps in his cabin don’t play w me rn), you took a deep breath, then knocked on the door

“Come in!” Leo yelled. Carefully, you opened the door and made your way inside, your nose scrunching at the smell of gasoline and Gods know what else. Leo’s back was facing you, but just seeing the mop of curls on his head made your heart flutter. You really missed your boyfriend

“Hey Leo,” you greeted him, absentmindedly playing with the vines that were beginning to grow out of your head - a sign of your nervousness. At the sound of your voice, Leo smiled and decided to finally take a break from all the tinkering he was doing. The vines that tangled with your hair slowly began to disappear as you took in his expression

He patted his lap, and you went to sit there without any hesitation, your body desperately craving his touch. Leo nuzzled into the crook of your neck, taking in the smell of fresh flowers that clung to you, “missed you, amor,” he mumbled, suddenly feeling awfully sleepy. You ran your fingers through his curls, detangling them as you wallowed in the silence that hung between you

“I missed you too,” you said after a little bit, unable to stay quiet anymore, “I’m glad you’re not mad at me.”

At the last bit, Leo looked up, his brows knitted together in clear confusion, “why would I be mad at you? You’re the best thing that’s ever happened to me.”

The vines started growing again, “well… I rarely ever see you anymore, you’re always here. I thought maybe you did that on purpose because you didn’t wanna see me,” instantly, Leo knew he messed up. He was so busy spending time with his machines that he forgot about you - his lovely, sweet forest fairy

Tenderly rubbing your arm, Leo said, “I’m sorry I made you feel that way, baby. I could never be mad at you, really! You could blow up this whole place and I still wouldn’t be mad,” he got quiet around the end, distractedly fiddling with your fingers

You pulled your hands away from his and cradled his face, taking his appearance in. He was still your Leo, but you could tell he was exhausted. Bags hung under his sleepy eyes, making you want nothing more than to take him to bed, to tell him that it’s okay to take a break and that no one was going to get upset at him if he took a second to think about himself

At that moment, with your palms on his face and your soul in his heart, you remembered the gift you’d prepared for him, which you’d left on a nearby table earlier. Hopping off of Leo’s lap (and startling him in the process), you picked up the bouquet and basket and presented them to him

“I got you these! Fresh from our gardens,” maybe it was the fact that he hadn’t seen you in a while, or the fact that your shy smile seemed to be blinding him, or the fact that no one had ever thought of getting him a bouquet of flowers before, but as Leo took your presents in, he felt tears prick his eyes

You, being the observant, kind-hearted girl you are, noticed this, “hey, what’s wrong?” You asked, making your way over to him and handing him his gift, which he gratefully accepted and took a second to admire as he blinked his tears away. Leo has always been in love with you, but at that moment, his heart was about to burst with it all. He couldn’t believe he willingly cooped himself up in bunker nine, knowing full well who awaited him outside of it - his daylight

“Nothing’s wrong, amor, I just really really missed you, and I don’t think anyone’s ever even thought of getting me a pretty bouquet of flowers, let alone gone through with it,” at this, you felt your heart break. You knew of the struggles Leo went through, having been a shoulder for him to lean on when he thought he was stuck being an extra wheel forever: always the best man, never the groom, but hearing him voice these thoughts made it even worse

“Well… you deserve them. You're the best boyfriend a girl could ever ask for, Leo, don’t doubt that for a single second,” you said, an unwavering confidence in your voice

After that day, Leo always kept a flower in bunker nine, right in front of where he worked, so you’d always be with him. He also invested in a clock so he’d actually be able to tell when one day ended and the other began, never wanting to leave you by your lonesome again

#leo valdez x reader #leo valdez x you #leo valdez x y/n #leo valdez #leo valdez x fem reader #percy jackson #pjo #percy jackson x reader #pjo x reader #leo valdez fanfic #pjo fanfic #percy jackson fanfic #leo valdez drabble #cynwrites

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chubsonthemoon · 1 year

Text

Last Binderary book is DONE!!!! This is the incredible Maybe sprout wings, by @moorishflower.

This post is going to be a doozy, so gonna just skip straight to the cut!

INTERIOR

INTRODUCTION

I really wanted to model this bind after my own copy of the Odyssey, (which is all highlighted and bookmarked and annotated to hell from my Great Text courses in undergrad ehe, so this bind was such a fun trip down memory lane!). But beyond just the cover/general aesthetic, I also wanted to give the book a similar feel to these kinds of editions of classics--there's usually an introduction, translation notes, and other supplementary materials, right? Like, a physical manifestation of the work of many, many people, all having conversations with one another across time and space.

So that's what I did! I wrote a short introduction (I will also probably post it to my AO3/my blog as well, in the name of preservation etc. etc.) and began reaching out to folks in the fandom who I knew had created art and meta for the fic. The result? 18k words of analysis, comments, and meta, and nearly twenty pages of art!

And this is what I love most about this bind, I think! This book is the work of several people--truly a collaborative work by the fandom--all of whom I will now be shamelessly calling out below :D

CHAPTER HEADER ART

First and foremost, this book would not be what it is without the gorgeous header art by @fancy-rock-dove! Thank you so much Dove for letting include your work, and for being so supportive and kind these past few weeks about this bind <3 You in particular have contributed so much to this book (which I will be getting more into in the next section ehe), and I'm so psyched I get to hold your art and words, too!

NOTES ON THE TEXT

This section was divided into four parts: Asks and Answers, Meta, Selected Comments, and Chapter Heading Art: Process

For Asks and Answers, I trawled Heather's blog for meta she had written in response to questions and other meta about the fic. Asks came from @fancy-rock-dove, @quillingwords, @kulapti, and myself! (I THINK I got all of them--tumblr's search function is finnicky even on its best days, so so sorry if I missed something T_T) I first got hooked into reading this fic because of one of these asks, so I'm very fond of this section in particular :D

For Meta, I included two wonderful essays written by @pastrypuppy (also known as @kulapti) about Hob as an author figure and the Disrupted Fisher King narrative in MSW. Her analyses were so fascinating and I just had to include them in the book! (And thank you as well for your permission, friend!) (also hello fellow Renegade comrade 🫡)

For Selected Comments, I owe everything to (once again :3) @fancy-rock-dove, whose insights are the epitome of transformative fandom at work. I'd look for their comments after I read every chapter to see what their takes were on this or that element of the story, and every single time I would go "!!!!! I didn't even realize!!!" or "OOOOOOOH I hadn't thought of that!!" It was like being in a lecture hall and always whipping your head around when one of your classmates raised their hand, because you knew they were going to say something fascinating that you hadn't considered before.

Aside from one of my own comments, Dove's comments make up the entirety of this section (for which I owe you my life--your long-form responses to fics are a gift to this world) but GOSH was it also so much fun going through the comments section while typesetting and seeing all the keyboard smashing, yelling, and crying from the other commenters. Communal nature of storytelling and ongoing meaning-making of fanfiction, babey!

And finally for Chapter Heading Art: Process: once again Dove coming in clutch with some wonderful insights into the design of each of the chapter heading art pieces! This kind of stuff is honestly my favorite: meta about art for a fic which is, in turn, a transformation of an existing story (not even to mention that The Sandman is its own kind of fanfiction of existing mythologies and histories)--I just!! Think it's all really, really neat :'D (for more coherent/polished thoughts on this pls see my introduction asjdfkls)

ART

The art gallery!!! A million thanks to @fishfingersandscarves, @honeyseller, @jazzpsych, @doctor-rainbowfoxey, and (HI AGAIN DOVE) @fancy-rock-dove for granting me permission to include all of your beautiful pieces!

As usual for artworks in my binds, I printed each piece out on specialty photo paper to really make the colors pop, then sewed each page separately to the text block! Behold, everyone's beautiful beautiful pieces!

The art gallery also satisfies the certain "oooh shiny" part of my brain that always activates when I see pictures in a book, so am also very fond of this section :3

CONSTRUCTION

And now on to the nitty gritty stuff! I used the German Bradel binding technique again, my second time using it. Even though it's more complicated than the case bind, I really love how it gives you the full board space for the cover designs (~it's free real estate~). Keep it a secret but I kiiiiiiind of made a small goof in the last few steps (I did the turn-ins a step too early and so had to paste an extra sheet of cardstock to secure the spine to the boards, whoopsie), but it's a pretty small difference, aesthetically speaking, so it wasn't the end of the world XD

Edges are once again fake gilded, but this time I tried something new with the colors! I did two layers of acrylic paint--one watered down shade of red for the base, then one metallic gold on top of that. I really like the red/gold effect! I'll have to keep experimenting with this kind of layering:

ALSO. Y'ALL! I think I'm finally getting the hang of endbands!!! Many thanks to the folks at Renegade who hosted all the endband workshops last month--I'm still working through them, but even the few sessions I've seen have been TREMENDOUSLY helpful. I learned that tension is Very Important, as well as thread thickness, so I tried doubling my thread and keeping a Very Close Eye on how I was holding the threads while doing the beads. And behold! I still have a ways to go (and one day I would LOVE to do the fancier designs), but I'm v happy with the progress I've made so far!

And finally the covers!! ARCHIVAL MOD PODGE MY BELOVED. I printed on the same matte presentation paper that I used for the art, then did several coats of archival matte mod podge + a pass of gloss mod podge over the title strip to make it ~shiny~. Then once those had dried and I'd adhered them to the boards, I sprayed two layers of matte clear acrylic sealer (also mod podge!) to finish it off. I had some issues with the paper tearing when I handled it before it was fully dry, but luckily the blemishes were small enough that it was easy to do spot corrections with my black acrylic paint. And now I know to be more patient next time LOL

(some non-photoshoot shots that show the shine a little better!)

FINAL THOUGHTS

I had a lot of thoughts while I was binding this book--about Sandman fandom, about Dreamling fandom, about the Odyssey, about storytelling, about fanbinding, about Binderary, about Renegade, about my friends--but really what came to mind the most was gratitude!

Simply put, I'm so grateful to everyone I've met both in this fandom and throughout the years I've been active online--this is SO fun, y'all. It's so much fun to love stories together--to talk about them, to write them, and of course to bind them! I hope I've adequately conveyed that gratitude.

But of course, this book would not exist without the wonderful words of @moorishflower. Heather, thank you so, SO much for sharing your stories, thoughts, and time with us--it is always a happier, better day when I get an email notif from you and when I see you on my dash. I love your work so much, and I'm so happy I finally get to put it on my shelf! So thank you so much again, for everything <3

and OKAY THAT'S IT FROM ME FOLKS!!!!! Binderary 2023 is officially a wrap! I had SUCH a blast--will probably write up a reflection post on it uhhhh after I take a very long nap ajslkdfjslk _(:3」∠)_

all my love! <3

#the sandman #dreamling #Moorishflower #Maybe sprout wings #binderary2023 #bookbinding #fanbinding #ficbinding #not my fic

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steddieas-shegoes · 4 months

Text

crawl home to you

for @steddiesongfics february song 'work song' by hozier

rated e | 5,223 words | full tags on ao3

🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸🩸

Steve should never have kissed him. He knew that now.

While Eddie was dying, bleeding out on the ground of their version of Hell, the only thing Steve felt he could do to help him was kiss him. It was quick, just a peck on the lips, lingering only for a moment. Their eyes never even closed.

Steve wanted to take in every remaining moment that Eddie had.

There was nothing else he could do, just hold him, try to whisper comfort that may not have even been heard.

Dustin was yelling to save him, but there was no way to do that. His injuries were too severe, he’d already lost too much blood. Moving him now would just kill him faster and more painfully. Nancy and Robin were trying to hold Dustin back, but their tears were making it harder to maintain any control.

When Eddie was gone, Steve set him back down on the ground.

“We have to get out of here,” he said, biting back the sob he could feel in his throat.

“We can’t leave him! Steve, please,” Dustin begged.

“We can come back for him once we check on everyone else. I promise. I’m not letting him stay here,” Steve lifted Dustin in his arms, ignoring his protests.

******

When they finally managed to sneak through the safest gate, Eddie’s body was gone.

Steve fell to his knees, silently begging any higher power to make him appear.

But Robin’s hand on his shoulder and Jonathan’s voice by his side made him stand up and leave.

He was gone.

He couldn’t even bring his body back to bury it properly.

He’d made another mistake.

******

Nobody moved on quickly, but Steve seemed to feel the most guilt. It was written all over his face anytime someone mentioned Eddie, it was in the way he visited Eddie’s uninhabited grave every weekend to clean it and leave flowers, it was there when he wore the battle vest around town, still bloodstained and obvious.

No one commented on it. Only Robin ever saw him cry over it.

Only Robin knew that part of his guilt was from not saying how he felt before Eddie died.

The kiss was too late and the words were nonexistent, and now Steve had to live with the missed chance.

******

It was a hot summer day when things changed.

It was subtle at first, the sky darker than usual and the air stagnant.

He got ready for his day, skipping the vest since he’d be volunteering and “bloodstains scared the children.”

And then he heard a crash outside, followed by yelling and banging on his front door.

“Steve!” “Open up!” “Code red!”

Steve ran downstairs and threw open the front door.

“It’s time,” Dustin said.

“Now?” Steve asked, incredulous. How had they not had more warning?

They all thought El and Will would be able to sense more of the Upside Down leading up to Vecna’s return, even Dr. Owens had mentioned a possibility of signs for days or even weeks leading up to his return.

How could they all have been so wrong?

“Where are we meeting?” He asked, running through a checklist in his mind of everything he would need to bring with him. Most of the emergency things he planned on having were already in his car, but it helped him keep the nerves at bay to have something to do.

“The cabin. It’s closest to the gate we can use. El’s already there with Will and Hopper getting what they can done. We don’t know how long we actually have.”

“Do they feel him?” Steve had to ask, had to know.

“El said she’s not sure if it’s Vecna or the mindflayer, and Will thinks it’s just the entire hivemind, but yeah. They do feel something. They expected it to be stronger so Nancy thinks something is messing with their connection,” Lucas said.

Steve nodded and told them to load their bikes in his trunk while he finished grabbing some things.

Most of what they would wear was already at the cabin, but he couldn’t do this without a piece of Eddie.

He slipped the vest on and laced up his boots. He put the only ring he had of Eddie’s on his ring finger, the only one it would fit on.

He checked the mirror once to make sure he didn’t look like he was falling apart at the seams.

The black shadows under his eyes and greasy hair would have to be alright.

******

They split up, but differently this time. One group stayed with El, protecting her while she protected the world. One group stayed with Will in the Upside Down.

Steve insisted on being part of the group in the Upside Down.

He carried his nail bat while Robin carried a flamethrower. She had lessons and everything.

Joyce had a rifle loaded with special bullets that exploded into actual flames upon impact, something Dustin and Suzie had cooked up over the last month to try to gain any leverage they could.

Nancy and Jonathan were ahead of them, rifles in hand to fire warning shots if they saw anything before Will felt it.

Will was quiet, but he’d been pretty quiet since he’d arrived in Hawkins.

It was eerily quiet, more than they were expecting. They’d come in thinking they’d be fighting off demobats and demodogs constantly, but so far they were met with nothing but falling ash and the occasional sound of a tree limb breaking.

“Are we sure he’s still here?” Steve finally asked.

“He’s here. I can feel him. He’s just being quiet, waiting,” Will answered. That was the most he’d said all day.

So they continued.

A gunshot went off.

Everyone froze.

Jonathan yelled to them that something was nearby.

“It can’t be him. He’s still too distant,” Will said as Joyce stood in front of him.

“Unless he’s messing with you,” Robin whispered. “He knows we’re on high alert, right? He knows we’re strong and we aren’t just gonna give up. He’s not gonna let himself be known until he’s certain he’s got us in our weakest spot.”

Will nodded. “I don’t think he has that much control over what I can feel, though.”

“He has a lot more control over all of you than you think,” a voice said from to their left.

All weapons were pointed towards it except for Steve’s, who would recognize that voice in any situation, no matter how insane.

“Eddie?” He pushed everyone out of the way and moved towards the voice.

“Wait!” Eddie said from the shadows, barely an outline visible in the darkness. “Don’t come closer yet.”

“Why not?” Steve felt Robin’s hand on his shoulder, comforting and holding him back at the same time.

“I’m not…Steve.” Something in his tone told Steve to actually listen to him, to not push.

“Can you at least let me know if you’re alright?” Steve was scared to actually believe this was Eddie.

Eddie was dead. His body was missing.

If this wasn’t actually Eddie, Steve wouldn’t handle it well. He’d do what he needs to make sure everyone gets out of here, but after that?

Who knows.

Eddie sounded like he was cursing under his breath, which felt like such an Eddie thing, Steve couldn’t help smiling a little.

Maybe the world would end today, maybe he’d die, maybe everyone would die. But right now, Steve felt Eddie’s presence, and that was something worth dying for.

“Okay, this is gonna sound like a trap.” Eddie cursed again. “But I don’t know if I can be trusted near anyone except Steve.”

“Yeah, hard pass,” Robin said as she tugged Steve back. He’d already put one foot forward like he was actually going to get closer. “If I can’t see you, you’re not getting any closer to him.”

“That’s what I thought you’d say,” Eddie sighed. “I just need you to not freak out if I come out there.”

“Why would we-” Steve started to ask as Eddie stepped out of the shadows.

It was still pretty dark, but it was easy enough to see the outline of him.

In many ways, he looked the same, still pale, still long dark curls, still wearing the clothes he’d died in. But there were things Steve noticed immediately.

His wounds seemed healed, which should be impossible. Well, he shouldn’t even be alive, but even still, there should be way more scars covering his face and neck. His eyes were nearly black, not the deep brown they’d been before the life left them in Steve’s arms. When he opened his mouth to speak, his teeth were pointed, sharp.

“I don’t want to hurt anyone. But I haven’t been around anyone since-” He gestured to himself. “And I’m not sure how much control I have.”

“What…are you?” Nancy asked from behind them.

“I wanna say vampire, but nothing is really that simple, so blood-thirsting creature who hasn’t had blood since he discovered he needed it.” Eddie flashed his teeth. “I’ve got no heartbeat, which is weird. And I can hear what Steve’s thinking.”

“What?” Steve asked, almost too shocked by seeing Eddie to actually process what he was saying.

“Your thoughts have been like, the only thing keeping me alive. No blood yet, remember?”

“How does that even work?” Joyce asked, hand on Steve’s arm. “Did you feel anything strange?”

“No,” Steve answered, not taking his eyes away from Eddie. “So you…you know?”

“Yeah, Stevie. I know,” Eddie took one step closer and paused, closing his eyes. “I don’t wanna get any closer to anyone. But I know for a fact that I wouldn’t hurt you.”

“You know how that sounds, right?” Will finally spoke up.

“Yeah, Will the Wise, I do. Which is why I won’t push. But I think something happened when Stevie here kissed me while I was bleeding out in his arms and I’m pretty sure that I would actually die if I hurt him,” Eddie said.

Everyone looked to Steve, who could no longer think of a single reason not to go to Eddie.

Robin seemed hesitant to let him go, but he smiled at her and said to trust him. They all had plenty of weapons if something went wrong.

He walked closer, his only thought being able to actually touch Eddie again, maybe kiss him when he wasn’t dying.

“I wouldn’t be opposed,” Eddie said quietly as Steve stopped right in front of him. He seemed taller, just a couple inches, but definitely noticeable. “Gotta watch the teeth though. They’re pretty sharp.”

“It’s really you,” Steve reached a hand out to cup his cheek. Eddie nuzzled against his palm. “You came back.”

“I’ll always crawl home to you, Stevie.”

“How did this happen?” He whispered, his hand dropping to Eddie’s chest. He really didn’t have a heartbeat. “How are you here?”

“I don’t really know. I woke up and got flashes of your thoughts, and then my own memory kicked in and all I could think about was getting back to you.” Eddie leaned forward until his forehead touched Steve’s. “It killed me to hear how much you were hurting and I couldn’t do anything.”

“Why couldn’t you come through the gate?” Steve asked, fingers curling into Eddie’s shirt. “Why didn’t you come to us when we came to get your body?”

“Every time I tried to leave, I would pass out. One of those times was when I could hear your thoughts about coming to get me and I wanted to meet you at the gate, but I blacked out somewhere by Skull Rock?” Eddie sighed. “I didn’t get to you in time.”

“I’m sorry. I’m so sorry,” Steve sobbed.

“Hey,” Eddie cupped his face and shook his head. “You didn’t know. This isn’t your fault. If anything, you’re the reason I’m even alive-ish to begin with.”

It was like everything around them disappeared when Steve leaned up to peck Eddie’s lips.

It was even quicker than the first time, barely even a graze. But they both felt the spark.

Steve fell against his chest, his face nuzzling into his neck as he let out another sob. “I needed you.”

“I know. I’m here now,” Eddie said.

Steve hadn’t realized how much it was true, how much he did need Eddie this whole time. The grief he’d felt was beyond what he should’ve felt, more than what even some of the people closest to Eddie had been showing. It didn’t make sense to him why he felt so much for this man he barely knew.

“It feels like I have your heartbeat in my chest,” Steve mumbled. It didn’t make any sense.

“Maybe you do, sweetheart,” Eddie kissed the side of his head. “Must’ve stolen it from me when you kissed me.”

Steve smiled against Eddie’s skin. “Maybe I did.”

“Um, not to break up…whatever this is,” Robin started. “But Will’s hearing things.”

Steve whimpered as Eddie pulled away.

“It’s okay,” Eddie said as he laced his fingers with Steve’s. “I’m right here with you.”

And it turned out, he was more help than anyone could’ve expected.

He wasn’t exactly connected to the hivemind, but he could sense Vecna. He was almost certain Vecna was the reason he passed out anytime he tried to leave.

Which Nancy had explained probably meant Vecna would need to be severely weakened or die before Eddie would be able to leave.

If Steve had to kill Vecna himself to have Eddie back, he would. He would do anything.

But since Eddie seemed connected to him, he could give them more warning than even Will could when something was going to happen.

That warning is probably what saved them and ultimately helped El get into Vecna’s mind to finish the job she started in March.

It was obvious almost immediately when she won, when they won.

Steve’s first response was to hug Robin, her tears and sweat and a little blood soaking into his shirt while he cried into her hair. He could distantly hear everyone else crying and yelling, cheers coming from the walkie that Joyce was holding.

Everyone was okay.

Robin patted his back and pulled away. “You better get to Eddie before he rips my face off.”

Steve’s brows furrowed as he looked over to Eddie. He’d distanced himself from everyone, and even though he was smiling about their victory, he looked incredibly uncomfortable.

“Hey,” Robin said, patting his cheek. “I’m happy for you. If he’s what you want, I’m glad you get to have him.”

“Thanks, Robs.”

Robin turned to pull Nancy into a hug and Steve made his way over to Eddie.

“We couldn’t have done it without you,” Steve started. “You made sure we got him before he could get us.”

Eddie’s wide eyes wouldn’t focus on him, darting from his face to his neck to behind him.

“Stevie, I-” He groaned. “I really need blood. Everyone smells so strong. I think Vecna was covering some of my hunger before.”

Steve paled. “Okay. Let’s just- okay.”

“Steve.”

“Bite me.”

“Steve!”

“No, seriously. You won’t hurt me. You can’t hurt me. And I barely even lost any blood today. Might as well let you have some.”

Eddie whined. “I-”

“Eds, look at me,” Steve guided his face towards him. “If you drink a little now, we can all leave here. You can come home. You can see Wayne. You can see the kids. You can stay with me if you want.”

Eddie nodded. “I just don’t wanna freak you out. I feel like you’re handling this too well.”

“Maybe,” Steve snorted. “But this is not even top three weirdest things to happen to me. I want you to feel like you have control again. You can be in control of your own body.”

“I don’t know what it will feel like for you. It may hurt,” Eddie said.

“It won’t hurt as much as knowing you’re suffering.”

“You would fall on a sword I’m holding if it meant I was happy, wouldn’t you?” Eddie asked, shaking his head. “How have you not died?”

“I almost have many times.” Steve cupped the back of Eddie’s head and pulled him in, tipping his head to the side so he had better access to his neck. “This won’t be one of them. You can’t hurt me.”

“Steve,” Eddie nipped at his neck. “You smell so good. I can’t-”

“Then don’t, baby. Drink.”

The moment Eddie’s teeth sunk into his skin, every surrounding noise and sight was gone from Steve’s mind. All he could think about was giving Eddie everything, whatever he needed was his.

He could feel Eddie moaning against his neck, but couldn’t quite hear it.

Eddie’s arms were around his waist, holding him up while he took the blood he needed.

Steve lost track of time, lost track of everything except the way Eddie’s lips felt against his pulse point. His tongue lapped up the blood leaking from where his mouth connected to his veins.

They both shivered.

Steve blacked out.

******

“If you killed him, I swear to god Munson, I will kill you.”

Robin’s voice was the first thing Steve became aware of.

And then he felt Eddie’s fingers on his wrist, probably checking his pulse.

“‘M not dead,” he managed to say.

He was definitely in a bed, though he couldn’t be sure if it was his own. He didn’t really want to open his eyes yet.

He turned his head a few inches and let out a small whimper at the sting in his neck.

“Can’t believe you tried to eat my babysitter,” Dustin’s voice said from somewhere across the room. “After he basically saved you by kissing you. I gotta call Suzie. There’s theories on a “sleeping beauty” kiss, but there’s no actual science to back it up. Yet.”

“Dustin, please shut up,” Steve groaned. “I’m fine.”

He finally opened his eyes to emphasize his point, shocked to see almost everyone surrounding the bed he was in.

“This wasn’t really an everyone needs to be here situation, was it? I just passed out.”

“Eddie was panicking. He thought he killed you,” Lucas provided.

“But he cannot. You are soulmates,” El said from a chair on the other side of the bed. She looked exhausted, but otherwise okay. “It is impossible for him to kill you.”

“Well that’s…nice.” Steve was feeling a bit exhausted himself. “How long was I passed out?”

“Long enough to get through the gate and get you back to your house. 30 minutes maybe?” Eddie said, pulling his hand up to kiss his fingers. “I was worried I took too much.”

“No,” Steve said, certain he hadn’t. “I think it was just overwhelming. It won’t happen next time.”

“Did I hurt you?” Eddie’s voice sounded broken and unsure, like he would crumble into pieces if Steve said yes.

“No. You didn’t hurt me. I promise. It felt…good,” Steve was hesitant to say more with so many ears listening in, especially young ones. “It was just a lot.”

Eddie watched him for a moment, determining if he was lying. But he could read his thoughts, knew he wasn’t, and eventually gave a nod and another kiss to his knuckles.

“Well, since we know he isn’t dead and probably won’t be anytime soon…we should go!” Robin said because she was a good friend who knew what Steve was thinking even without the mindreading superpowers.

“But we should monitor him and make sure nothing weird happens. We don’t know what Eddie’s got going on and-” Dustin started to argue.

“Yep, he’s fine.” Hopper started to nudge everyone out the door. “We have stuff to do anyway. Eddie can watch him. He’ll call if anything weird happens, right?”

“Right,” Eddie answered, not taking his eyes off of Steve.

As everyone filtered out of the room, Steve blinked back at Eddie, fond smile spreading across his face.

“You need any more?” Steve asked when the door closed.

“You’re joking,” Eddie laughed, but there was no amusement in it. “I could have actually killed you. I’d never drank before and you tasted so good, Steve. You have no idea how hard it was to stop. And then you passed out! I almost had them bring you to the hospital!”

“I’m fine! I passed out because it felt good.”

“Steve. No one passes out like that just because something felt good.”

“Well, it did! It felt kinda like having five orgasms at once. Except kinda different, too. Like I wasn’t quite over the edge?” Steve shook his head. “Either way, I’m okay and it felt good and if you need more, you can have more.”

“I don’t need more right now,” Eddie sighed. “But I know I will. We’ll figure out what to do to make sure you get enough vitamins so I can drink from you next time.”

“Mhm. Sounds good,” Steve closed his eyes and tugged Eddie’s hand to rest on his chest, where his heart was beating against his ribs. “Feels like you’re part of me.”

“Yeah. You feel it too?”

“El said we’re soulmates?” Steve opened his eyes again and found Eddie’s gazing back at him already.

“I don’t know, but there’s definitely a connection. A pretty strong one. I don’t think we can ignore it,” Eddie admitted, almost apologetic.

“I wouldn’t want to. I should’ve told you before how much I wanted to get to know you,” Steve felt tears in his eyes. “You didn’t deserve to only know after you were already dead.”

“I’m not dead. I’m here with you.”

“But I watched you die. I thought you were dead. I mourned you with the kids. Robin had to stay with me for a week straight because I could barely sleep, blamed myself for everything. You must have heard all of that.”

“I think I heard a lot of it. You tortured yourself. I wanted to come here and tell you I was okay so many times. I tried so many times,” Eddie kissed his forehead. “But I’m here now. You’re mine now. I’m yours. We can figure out what this means for us.”

“Yeah?”

“Yeah, sweetheart.”

“Will you get in bed with me?” Steve asked.

“To sleep?”

“Eventually,” Steve smirked. “Remember when I said I was still on the edge?”

Eddie snorted. “I’m not fucking you tonight. No way.”

“Why not?” Steve pouted.

“Because it should be special and because you’ve already been through enough today,” Eddie chuckled. “You can wait a day or two.”

“Can we at least make out a little?” Steve tried to compromise.

“Will you get some rest after?”

“If you make me tired enough.”

“I didn’t know I’d end up with Steve Harrington, The Brat.”

“You’re the one who pointed out I was a spoiled rich kid,” Steve argued, turning on his side so that Eddie could climb into bed next to him. “I’m used to getting what I want.”

Steve hadn’t felt this light in a long time, maybe even years.

Eddie must have sensed it, his beaming smile lighting up the room, his sharp teeth glistening in the low lamplight.

His lips crashed against Steve’s, his arms pulling Steve closer and then on top of him as he rolled onto his back.

Steve moaned into his mouth, licking past his lips and across his fangs.

He could almost still taste his own blood in Eddie’s mouth.

He rolled his hips forward, cock already straining against his pants. The friction was perfect, just enough to keep Steve on the edge, but not so much to make it seem like he was pushing.

He was pushing though. He wanted to see how far Eddie would go, how far they could get tonight even with the events of the day behind them and the exhaustion sinking in.

Eddie nipped at his lip, just enough to break skin, and Steve whimpered.

“Shit, sorry. Forgot how sharp these things are,” Eddie pulled away and thumbed away the blood.

“It’s good, I like it,” Steve gasped out. He pulled Eddie’s thumb to his mouth and sucked on it. “Bite me anywhere.”

“Sweetheart…”

“Please, I’ll be good. You don’t have to drink. Just…bite me.”

Eddie held him still for a minute, his eyes searching his face.

“I have an idea.”

Steve nodded. “Anything.”

“Ever fingered yourself?” Eddie asked casually.

“Um, kind of? I mean I have, but I got frustrated with the angle pretty quick.” Steve suddenly caught up to what Eddie was suggesting. “Are you gonna finger me?”

“If you have lube.”

Steve sat up, nearly falling back over from a head rush. Once he managed to stay upright, he reached over into his bedside table and moved a couple things over to get the lube.

He handed it to Eddie and started to get off of him, but Eddie’s hands grabbed his hips and stilled him.

“Nope, like this. I want you to ride my fingers,” Eddie smirked. “You can find what feels good like this. Use me to get off.”

“Is that what your idea was?” Steve gulped. He’d never done anything like this before and wasn’t sure he’d do it right.

“No, but it’ll make my idea more fun,” Eddie squeezed his hips. “But we can stop anytime, okay? Even if it’s just because you’re too tired.”

“I’m not.”

“Love, you defeated an alternate dimension and its super evil guy today. Plus, I drained you of a pint or two of blood. You can be tired,” Eddie opened the cap of the lube. “You wanna get undressed?”

Steve rushed to pull his shirt off, and quickly stood up to remove everything else. Eddie tried not to laugh at his eagerness; It was honestly pretty endearing.

Once he was naked, he got back on Eddie’s lap. “Are you gonna get undressed?”

“Not right now. This is all about you, sweetheart.”

Steve’s blush went down to his chest, and Eddie was ready to proclaim his love to anyone who would hear it. He didn’t care how ridiculous it was; He loved Steve and his beautiful red glow.

He hadn’t mentioned it to him yet, but Eddie could hear the blood rushing in his veins, could hear his heart pounding even from across the room. He could almost feel every breath in his own lungs.

He spread the lube across his fingers as he helped Steve scoot up enough to make this easier for both of them.

Steve’s breath hitched as he circled his hole, and Eddie heat rushing to the places his fingers brushed against.

He pushed a finger in slowly, slow enough that it felt like Steve’s entrance was making his finger a part of him. Steve let out a long, low moan as he pushed himself down further, until Eddie’s knuckle was resting against him.

“You were made for me, weren’t you?” Eddie said in awe. He’d done this plenty, but never like this, and never with someone who wanted him this badly. “Taking me like you’re starving for it.”

“Am starving for it. Need you,” Steve moved his hips forward and back, barely riding Eddie’s finger.

Eddie pulled his finger out and replaced it with two, trying to take it slow, but Steve wouldn’t let him.

“Oh fuck,” Steve whined when Eddie crooked both his fingers inside him, brushing against his prostate repeatedly as Steve’s hips started moving again.

His cock was leaking, dripping precome down his length and onto Eddie’s stomach. He couldn’t wait to have a taste of it later. Soon, if the way Steve’s heart kept skipping a beat was any indication.

“You want another?” Eddie asked him, somehow feeling breathless despite the fact he may or may not even need to breathe.

“Please,” Steve begged. “Need to be full.”

“You want me to fill you up?” Eddie stretched him open around three fingers, going a bit slower this time when Steve tightened around him. “How much can you take? Think you can do four fingers? Think you can have my whole cock in there next to a couple fingers?”

Steve nodded, though Eddie was pretty sure he had no idea he was doing it. He wasn’t picking up any actual thoughts from him right now, which was definitely good for his ego, but a little concerning.

“Hey,” Eddie paused with his fingers inside him, his free hand against Steve’s chest. “Let me see those pretty eyes.”

Steve blinked his eyes open and Eddie was gifted with a few random thoughts about how nice his fingers felt and how much he wanted to come.

“You wanna come on my fingers?” Eddie asked.

“Mhm.”

Eddie thrust his fingers in and out a few more times before tugging Steve down.

The new angle caused him to nearly scream, Eddie’s fingers putting constant pressure against his prostate as his cock got trapped between them.

“Gonna test something. Can I bite you?” Eddie whispered against his ear.

“Fuck, yes,” Steve agreed, tilting his head to the side like the good boy he was.

Eddie stilled his fingers, but kept them as deep inside Steve as he could. He leaned forward and breathed in the scent of Steve, his sweat, the lingering smell of his body wash from his last shower barely clinging to his skin, his blood.

His teeth found their mark and he bit down, groaning as he broke the skin and tasted the first drop of blood on his tongue.

He didn’t suck, didn’t need to. He lapped at the droplets of blood as he felt Steve tense, let out a high-pitched whimper, and warmth coat both their stomachs and chests.

He pulled off immediately, pulled his fingers out so he could wipe them off on the sheets.

“Fuck, sweetheart, that was perfect. You were perfect for me,” Eddie kissed his neck, his shoulder, the side of his head. “Can’t believe I get to do that.”

“Mmm…again?” Steve’s raspy voice breathed out against his shoulder.

Eddie laughed. “Not tonight, beautiful boy. I need you to rest. You did so good.”

“Mhm. You too.”

Eddie laughed again. How did this become his life? Or death? Undeath? Whatever.

He didn’t have the heart to move Steve, but he knew they’d end up literally stuck together with dried cum if he didn’t at least wipe them down. He managed to lift Steve enough to wipe them off with the sheet, but it wasn’t perfect and they’d definitely need to shower as soon as they woke up.

Eddie had changed as soon as he got to Steve’s house at everyone’s insistence, but he had yet to shower, and he was pretty certain the only reason he didn’t smell worse was because he technically wasn’t alive to produce any body odor.

He turned his head to look into the bathroom.

Steve had a huge bathtub. They could share in the morning.

For now, Eddie ran his fingers up and down Steve’s back as he fell asleep on top of him.

“Thanks for kissing me, sweetheart,” he whispered before closing his eyes and letting out any of the tension he’d been holding onto.

Tomorrow, they’d find a way to explain his presence to Wayne, and he’d really be back home.

But tonight, he’d let the weight of Steve and his love cover him up.

#steddie #steve harrington #eddie munson #stranger things #steddiesongfics #work song #check ao3 for full tags #vampire eddie munson #blood drinking #soulmates #canon temporary character death #canon typical violence

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toorusluvr · 2 years

Text

… ⇢ ˗ˏˋ F.O.M.L ࿐ྂ - FUSHIGURO TOJI

characters: coach!fushiguro toji x volleyball player f!reader

cw: college!au + volleyball!au + penetrative s*x + missionary + slight impact play (slapping)

word count: 1.9k

note from nis: f.o.m.l stands for fucks or makes love. the skipped scene is intentional by the way :))) i didnt want to drag unnecessary stuff so i just got into the smut part.

Everyone in your team was talking about what they should wear for the event tonight. Your college volleyball team finally made it to the final round of collegiate level, together with 10 other colleges from other states. Tonight’s event is a remarkable day for each and every one of your team members, including your coach.

Your coach, Fushiguro Toji, though he’s not really friendly and very strict, has worked so hard to get your team to this level. Coach Toji has been with your college’s volleyball team ever since 3 years ago when you first joined the team. The man’s body is literally sculpted and his abs can make everyone else around him drool at the sight of it.

He’s well, uh, not really fond of using nicer words. Surprisingly, it’s effective how being straightforward can lead your volleyball team to victory. His lead successfully brings justice to how hard your team has worked for the past few years, despite your college not wanting to boost your team’s potential.

With Coach Toji’s help and determination, your team finally made it to the top. Which is why your team was beyond excited to attend tonight’s event. You sure didn’t miss their genuine smiles and laughter in the locker room trying to decide which dress they should don tonight. Everyone’s happy, and so do you.

“Alright, girls, chop chop! Hurry up!” the assistant coach yelled from the bus’ door, asking your team members to hurry the hell up because she didn’t want to be late to the party. She informed you guys that Coach Toji was already waiting at the event.

Not wanting to get on the man’s nerve, you guys literally ran in your heels to get on board. After the assistant coach ensured everyone was there, she told the driver to start driving. Chit chatters filled the bus as you slowly felt yourself falling asleep on the shaking bus.

Once the bus arrived at the venue, your team members walked to the banquet hall together. As soon as you stepped foot into the hall, the familiar figure of your coach came into your sight. He was with… a woman. You have never seen her before.

Oh, right. Coach Toji kinda has a girlfriend, he mentioned it before maybe once or twice. Only because several other staff members were asking him about it.

The woman was linking arms with Toji, talking while smiling to each other together with a few other unrecognised faces. An uneasy feeling coiled in your stomach as his piercing gaze met yours. You diverted your gaze hurriedly, not knowing what to do because you aren’t exactly close with him either.

Yes, he is your coach but that does not mean you have a close relationship with him. He seems… unapproachable most of the time.

Your teammates gathered around the bar, whispering to one another while eyes fixated on your coach’s figure, stoic expression on his face as always, who was having a conversation with some other people. He was too busy with them, not sparing a glance to the team under his care.

“Hands to God, I’ve never seen our coach with a woman before. I almost thought he is… not straight,” one of your teammates opened her mouth, sipping on her cocktail after dropping the bomb out of the blue.

Your teammates gasped, all heads nodded in agreement. They all thought of the same thing. Today was one of the rarest days in history– seeing your coach with a woman!

Another one of your teammates’ laughter erupted, disrupting the momentary silence. “He looks… so fond of her. It’s unlike him. He almost killed us during practice but he looks different today. It makes me think… does he fuck or make love?”

Your drink almost spilled out of your mouth hearing the ridiculous question. The said teammate was known for her unfiltered words. Her question was out of pocket. But, your teammates’ response was the same as your answer.

“He definitely fucks,” the girl beside you grinned, laughing sinisterly before taking another sip of her cocktail drink.

Your teammates laughed. Their laughter echoing in the venue, all heads turned to the sound of their laughter. Your head hung low, not wanting to grab the others’ attention or accidentally meet their eyes.

“But he looks fond of her! My bet is on ‘makes love’,” another one of your teammates spoke but this time it was a different answer. Her answer was the opposite of the majority’s vote. All heads turned towards her, the looks on their faces showed concern.

Someone cleared their throat and your teammates let out an almost audible gasp. “I’m sorry. Just making way to the drinks,” the gorgeous woman apologised as she made her way to the bar. She was hesitating to interrupt the conversation that caused her to hear everything.

Your teammates were in full panic mode when Coach Toji’s girlfriend broke the conversation. Shit. She definitely heard your stupid bet on her boyfriend’s sex life. Their sex life. Shit happens and that’s fine.

“Sorry,” your teammates apologised under their breath. Coach Toji’s girlfriend dismissed their apologies, saying it’s fine and turned on her heels.

“He definitely fucks,” the woman took a sip of her drink, her red lips wrapped on the glass, slowly sipping on her drink as she locked gaze with the rest of your teammates. “It’s nice meeting you, girls.”

And, she disappeared into the crowds with her heels clicking on the expensive marble floor.

Your teammates definitely got goosebumps. You looked at her figure disappearing and blended with the crowd, something swirled in your stomach at that moment.

“So, whatcha say, doll? I told you that your posture needs to be more flexible,” the voice grunted softly as he pushed your legs above your chest, his thick cock penetrating your tight hole with force. You writhed in pain trying to adjust to his size.

“Pl-please, it hurts,” you gnawed your teeth into your bottom lip as Coach Toji pushed your legs further above your head. The tip of his cock was pushed inside you inch by inch, slowly bottoming out but the girth, it made you scream in agony plus the pleasure. He’s so big and… and it hurts so good that you could never look at him the same again after this.

Coach Toji felt your whole body squirm underneath him. His purpose for doing this was to test your flexibility, he said. But that was not at all his intention. The man had been eyeing you ever since he joined the club. Such a pretty thing. So delicate and fragile. He wants to break you, spoil you with everything he has to offer, and teaches you to be tough because you are so weak. So weak underneath him moaning and whining his name.

You were helpless. As much as you would love to hate the fact that you’re being used by your coach like this, you also wanted this to happen. It started when you had a dream about Coach Toji and it wouldn’t stop there. You wanted to feel him— feel his hands all over you and inside you.

“Bend your legs more, doll. Did you not hear a word I just fucking said?” He seethed, a firm slap across your face that subconsciously made you moan in pleasure. Did you just moan from being slapped? That definitely crossed one item from your bucket list.

Coach Toji does not tolerate disobedience. Ever. He tells you what to do, you fucking follow what he says.

He bent your legs, pushing the plush thighs against you. Your back arched, his cock hitting deeper into your g-spot. It was new. The whole feeling you experienced right now was new. Toji was introducing you to plenty of new things. Instead of telling, he preferred to show you it instead.

The pressure of your legs pressing onto your abdomen almost killed you. Coach Toji didn’t give you time to stretch your body, hence the pain. His hips started rocking slowly to build his rhythm before bringing your hand over his shoulder. Your hand was placed on his built muscle, nails clawing on his glorious skin. The bite of your teeth on your lips hurt. But not as painful as how Toji’s cock was stretching you out and pushing your orgasm over the edge.

Coach Toji grabbed your jaw, forcing you to look him in the eyes. His hair stuck on his forehead, sweats dripping on his temples. The sound of his grunts while burying his cock deep inside you drove you insane. The size of his cock that you couldn’t fit at first but now your cunt clenching around it and wouldn’t be the same without it.

“You’re so fucking tight. I love how you taste, doll,” he smirked. The scar on his lips inched upwards, showing how fucking attractive this man is. No other man could ever match the standard Toji has set for you the moment his rough hand touched your delicate body.

You moaned, eyes shut closed as his hips roughly snapped against yours. Toji won't stop until you come for him. His massive hands circled around your thighs, tightly holding your thighs together binding them close so he could fuck your tight cunt. The position only made you scream louder.

His pace was harsh and fast. ‘Coach Toji definitely fucks.’ You suddenly remembered the stupid assumption your teammate made just a few days ago. Now, you are his fucktoy, all his to use. He got you all to himself to satisfy his needs.

Coach Toji noticed the hazy look on your face. He gave a deep thrust— a sudden one that snapped you out of your thoughts. “Fucking look at me when I am fucking you, doll. My cock got you all dumb, huh?” His hand tapping your cheek firmly.

Your breath staggered, not knowing how to respond to his words. His piercing gaze looked down on you, his hips ruthlessly fucked your drenched cunt. The sound of his balls slapping against your plush thighs filled the silence. Your moans slipped out and he shut your mouth with an angry kiss.

His teeth bit on your lower lip in an unforgiving motion. You moaned in his mouth, your eyes locked together. “I’m close,” the last word dragged in a whiny voice. The tight feeling in your lower stomach filled your system. Your mouth formed into an ‘O’ shape, breathy moans escaped past your lips at Toji’s unforgiving pace. God, it made you want to scream louder and louder until you squirted around his cock.

But, Coach Toji was a better man. He knew you were close, and so did he, so he pulled out his cock, leaving you empty. His rough fingertips found your clit and he rubbed on the sensitive bundle of nerves furiously. Your breath was getting out of control, your hands gripping tightly on his shoulders leaving crescent marks on his skin.

“Fuck, fuck, shit, I’m gonna-” you started to squeal in a high-pitched tone. His fingers flicked your clit mercilessly until you squirted like you desired in your wet dreams. Coach Toji watched you struggle to keep your thighs open as you continued making a mess on the couch.

You panted heavily from the crazy orgasm you just had in your entire life. Coach Toji definitely fucks so hard, you ought to tell your teammates but that will jeopardise everything.

Coach Toji was determined to test your flexibility again. He definitely would work you out the next time he wants you again.

#jujutsu kaisen x reader #jjk x reader #jujutsu kaisen smut #jjk smut #fushiguro toji #fushiguro toji x reader #fushiguro toji smut #toji fushiguro x reader #toji fushiguro smut #toji x reader #toji smut

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hs-is-loml · 2 years

Text

I've Never Stopped. (c.f)

masterlist

Pairing: Conrad Fisher x Fem!Reader

Summary: coming back to Cousins for the summer after skipping out last year after a rough breakup with your ex-boyfriend, conrad fisher. you hoped that maybe both he and his family had forgotten about you, but it seems like you’re in for a treat.

Warnings: lots of dialogue. swearing. angsty mention of a breakup. little kiss. fluffy ending tho. UNEDITED

a/n: the timeline that i have doesn't fully match with the actual series. also if you feel like you're seeing this twice it's because this was going to be two parts but i ended up liking it as one!

word count. 3.5k

“You’re coming back this year, no more moping around about it, and that’s final,” your mom tells you.

“But what am I even suppose to do this summer while I’m there, it’s not like I have anything planned.”

“Actually, I signed you up to be a big sister this year for the debutante ball.”

“Wait, what?” you question.

“I knew you would say something like that so I got you something to do while we’re there.”

“Fine, whatever.”

You were sat at table two by Paige, the lady hosting the event and instructor. All the girls were mainly welcoming to you. Asking you questions like if this was your first time in Cousins and why they haven’t seen you around. You brushed off a majority of the questions but told them that you had skipped out last year due to college admissions. Which wasn’t a complete lie since you went to go tour universities like Upenn, Columbia, NYU, and Yale. You got early admission into Columbia and it started beginning of July of last year.

You learned the girls' names which are Nicole, Shayla, Gigi, and a couple others. You tried your best to not give a reaction when they mentioned the infamous Conrad and Jeremiah Fisher. You noticed the chair next to you was still open at your table.

“Hey, are we missing anybody?” you asked the girls.

“Yeah, this girl is a new deb this year,” Nicole replied to you.

Out of the corner of your eye, you see Belly Conklin and Jeremiah Fisher walking into the room. You wanted to sink down to the floor to disappear but it was too late. You saw Jeremiah dodge Paige and make his way towards you all giddy. You saw the girls around the table slightly fix their dresses thinking he was coming toward them. You keep your eyes glued down to the table but looked up the second he called your name. What a rookie mistake.

“Y/N! You’re back, man, Conrad is not going to believe this. We missed you last summer. Are you back for good or you going to disappear again?” he rambles to you as he gets closer. He hugs you from behind your chair and kisses your cheek. You blush immediately and notice that Gigi is glaring at you from the table.

“Hey, Jere,” you mumble out.

“I’m glad, you’re here.”

“You know, me too,” you found yourself admitting out loud.

“Okay, I gotta go before Paige has me kicked out, but I’ll text you,” he says rushing out the door.

“Hi, Bells,” you greet the oh-so-familiar girl taking a seat next to you.

“Hey, Y/N,” she replies, smiling at you.

“So when were you going to tell us that you know, a certain lifeguard…” Nicole teases you, trying to ease the tension at the table.

“Family friend, you know.”

“But that’s it, right?” Gigi asks you.

“Yeah, of course. He’s like my little brother.”

“Y/N, wait up!” you hear from behind you seeing Belly.

“Belly?”

“I don’t want to push you or anything, but I just want to you know that I think Conrad would really enjoy a visit from you, we all would,” she says bashfully looking down to her feet.

“Bells, I miss you too, but he was the one who broke up with me, remember? I don’t think that’s the best idea.”

“Think about it, okay?” she tries again

“Maybe.”

“CONRAD, GUESS WHAT!” Jere yells barging into Conrad’s room.

“What, Jere?” Conrad says, tiredly looking at him from his bed.

“She’s back.”

“Who’s back?” Conrad questions him.

“Who else, Y/N!” as those words left Jeremiah’s mouth, Conrad found himself getting whiplash from getting up so quickly.

“You sure, it wasn’t some girl that just looked like her?” he asked.

“Oh, it was her,” he hears Belly add from the hallway.

“You’re shitting, me,” Conrad says exasperated falling back down to his bed.

‘Ding’ Jeremiah takes his phone out of his pocket to look at the text message he had just got. He looks to Conrad who had his head stuffed into a pillow then went back out of the hallway to call for Belly.

“Hey, Belly, you wanna go get ice cream with, Y/N?” that got the attention of quite a few people in the house.

“Of course, when?” “Wait, Y/N’s back?” “You’re going where?” all directed towards Jeremiah who seemed occupied on his phone texting back.

“Bells, later before dinner so like in 20-30 mins. Steven, yeah, we saw her today at the deb lunch thing. And, umm, Conrad, we’re going out with Y/N,” Jeremiah blurts out in a rush.

“You think I could go?” Conrad asks.

“Yeah, me too,” Steven adds on.

“Steven, yeah sure that’s fine. I don’t know, Conrad.”

“Come on, I’m sure, she won’t even care,” Conrad pushes.

“Fine, but you better not make her feel unwelcomed. Don’t be selfish here, we all miss her you know,” Jere gives in.

Your breakup with Conrad didn’t just affect you two but the families too. Your dad didn’t really like Conrad after finding you in your room crying when he had broken up with you. You were thankful for your parents especially your dad considering he was your shoulder to cry on during it. He made sure your mom didn’t push you too much during the weeks after everything happened. You loved your mom, but she never really got the hint when to stop at times. After the breakup your family still went to Susannah’s Fourth of July party that year, breaking the news to everyone you skipped out of going to Cousins because of college admissions. Everyone knew that it was deeper than that.

When Conrad had broken up with you it was truly out of fear, you never knew that. You believed that he didn’t want to be with you anymore and didn’t care enough to give you a valid reason for it. Nobody really understood why he did it. It was so out of the blue since it seemed like you two were so in love with each other. They never expected for Conrad to turn so cold to you right before the summer, well neither did you.

What was going through Conrad’s mind was the fear you would find someone better than him at the universities you talked about. He thought to save himself the pain and do it first. He broke up with you thinking that you would move on and be with some college guy. He loved you too much to see you fall into the arms of someone else while he wasn’t there. He trusted you, but that didn’t stop his fears from overwhelming him. What really pushed him over was when he found out that his dad cheated on his mom while she was going through chemotherapy.

He was so scared to lose you that he lost you in the process.

You sat down outside of the ice cream parlor, nervous to be spending time with them again. Jeremiah had responded to your text saying he and Belly would both be going. You looked around to see if Jere’s car was around but you see a red jeep pulling up from down the street.

“Shit,” you muttered to yourself.

You prayed that maybe Jeremiah just took Conrad’s car instead of his, but it seemed like the world was against you when you saw him coming out of the car.

“Yo, Y/N, I didn’t believe Jere when he said he was coming to meet you,” you hear Steven say first approaching you. He pulled you into a hug whispering into your ear. “Don’t worry about him, okay?”

You appreciated Steven in moments like this. You guys have a very brother-sister relationship and he always tried to look out for you. He won't admit it out loud but he was so furious with Conrad screwing up with you. He called you immediately when he found out last you. You've been helping him with trying to prepare for Princeton without anyone knowing. You reassured him that he could do it.

“I’ll try,” you whisper back while hugging him back.

“Y/N!! Oh, have I missed you,” Jere says tackling you with a hug after Steven stepped back.

“You saw me earlier, you know,” you laughed at him.

“Yeah, but for like a minute, so that doesn’t count.”

“You guys could let her breathe,” Belly says behind Jere waiting her turn to talk to you.

“Hey, Bells,” you smiled at her.

“I’m glad, you thought about it,” she says to you quietly.

“I didn’t though, I texted Jere thinking only you and him would be here,” you whisper into her ear as you two hug. You glared at Jeremiah, but he didn’t seem to notice or maybe he just didn’t care.

“Oh, sorry about that,” she responds to you nervously as she lets go.

You felt the world stop for a second when you locked eyes with the one and only Conrad Fisher.

“Hey.”

“Hello, to you too,” you replied monotoned. You didn’t want to give him the pleasure of giving him a reaction to his presence.

“Let’s get ice cream, shall we?” Jeremiah says cutting the tension between you two as you turned your head to look at him.

“Yeah, let’s head in,” you said changing back to your usual tone.

“So, how’s uni?” Steven asked once you guys headed back outside to sit down.

“It’s interesting, to say the least…” you started

“Any hot people?” Jeremiah said, wiggling his eyebrows at you. You felt Conrad’s eyes bore into you when Jere asked the question.

“Some, but frat boys aren’t really the best at relationships,” you answered.

“YOU GOT WITH A FRAT GUY??” Belly gasped.

“No way, you gave a frat a chance, Y/N,” Steven added.

“It was just a fling. Nothing that serious, really. We went out for like two weeks before I broke up with him,” you said looking at everyone sheepishly.

“Was he good?” Conrad challenged.

“Excuse me?” you said puzzled. You couldn’t believe the nerve he had to ask you that.

“Conrad, chill,” Jeremiah gapped at him.

“Belly, how do you feel about being a deb?” you asked Belly trying to move on from the subject.

“Umm… I don’t know honestly. I’m really nervous about it but I’m glad you got assigned to be my big sister cause I don’t know what I would do without you,” she rambled on.

“Bells, you’ll be great. There’s nothing to worry about and if anything happens we’ll do it together, okay,” you said as you squeezed her hand affectively.

“I can’t believe you’re a big sis, Y/N,” Steven joked with you.

“Yeah, my mom made me deb last year in New York. Then she signed me up to help here.”

“That sounds like her,” Conrad said quietly.

“Did you have fun last year?” Jere asked.

“I did actually. It helped take my mind off things,” you answered while making eye contact with Conrad for a sec before turning your attention back to Jere.

“Someone escorted you?” Steven voiced out.

“Yeah, I have a friend Luke who took me.” as you said that you heard Conrad scoff at the name.

“Hey, we have to head back soon but what if you came to dinner? Please think about it, mom misses you,” Jere begged you.

“Yeah sure,” you agreed already regretting your decision.

“You want one of us to ride back with you?” Belly asked with a mischievous look on her face.

“If one of you want to sure,” you had a feeling where this was going.

“Conrad will go with you,” Jeremiah stated while Conrad stared at him wide-eyed.

“Whatever, I guess, you’re driving though,” you add turning to Conrad.

“Okay,” he muttered out.

The driving was filled with tension. Neither of you talking to each other but sneaking side glances hoping no one will notice.

“Columbia, treating you good?” he asked while looking to the road.

“Better than you did,” you said bitterly

“Y/n/n, don’t be like that.”

“Be like what?”

“I’m sorry,” he said so quietly that you barely heard it.

“For what exactly?”

“For making a mistake.”

“Conrad, stop.”

“I’m not doing anything.”

“You know what you’re doing and stop it.”

“What am I doing?”

“You trying to make me forgive you after everything.”

“Can you?”

“That’s not the point. Why should I give you the decency of forgiveness when you couldn’t even give me a damn reason.” you scoffed as he pulled in front of the house.

You walked out of the car and headed towards the door, taking deep breaths to calm yourself down. You got to the door and debated on knocking but instead chose to walk in trying to not make any noise. You heard Conrad shuffle behind you but ignored him. You walked into the kitchen and saw Laurel and Susannah cooking dinner. You sat down at the counter not wanting to disturb them.

“Y/N! You’re here!” Susannah says happily to you. She lowered the heat on the stove and went to you for a hug.

“Hey, Y/N,” you hear Laurel say while you are engulfed in a hug from Susannah.

“Mom, you can let her breathe now,” Conrad told his mom.

“Connie, be quiet for a second. Let me just admire her, she’s so beautiful.” you blush at her words.

“Your mom was telling me that you got into Columbia last year right?” Laurel asked.

“Yeah, early admission.”

“That’s exciting,” she replies.

“Now, why haven’t visited us yet?” Susannah questioned you.

“I’m sorry, I’ve been busy getting stuff together to be a big sis for the ball,” you answered giving an excuse for the summer only.

“Oh, Belly was telling me about that. She’s really glad that she can spend time with you again. She’s always looked up to you,” Laurel said smiling warmly at you.

“I missed her.”

“Well, we’ve all missed you,” Susannah told you slightly glaring at Conrad behind you, pulling you into another hug.

“Yeah.” you hear behind you.

Nothing was ever in your favor. You sat right next to Conrad and had Steven next to you and Belly in front of you. The room was filled with awkward tension seeping from both you and Conrad. You talked to Steven quietly as everyone else had their own conversations.

“How’s the application process?” you asked Steven.

“Dad, says he thinks I can get in with some financial aid and I’m going to apply for a couple scholarships.”

“A couple scholarships for what?” Laurel sparks interest in your guys’ conversation.

“I’m applying to Princeton,” Steven told her. Everyone dropped their side conversations and paid attention to Laurel and him.

“I thought you gave up on that.”

“No, Dad and Y/N think I can do it if I get some help so I thought it was worth a shot,” he says to her slowly quieting his voice by the end of it.

“Laurel, Steven will be fine. If I could get into Columbia on a full ride, I’m sure he can too,” you try to reassure her.

“Yeah, and Y/N would only be like a 2-hour drive away too if I ever need anything,” Steven adds on.

“Steven, I think that’s great for you, hun,” Susannah says sweetly.

“You going to let me steal your sweatshirt?” Belly asks Steven excitedly.

“As if,” Steven scoffs.

“Hey, Bells how do you feel about a Columbia hoodie?” you say to Belly trying to make up for Steven’s rudeness.

“Really?”

“Yeah, of course, I’ll bring it next time.”

“So you’ll be here the next time?” Jeremiah says jokingly.

“I'll be around.”

“That’s great, sweetheart. It would be nice having you around again,” Susannah tells you as you feel Conrad’s stare from your side.

“How’s football, Conrad?” you asked trying to make small talk.

“I quit.”

“Oh.”

“You still doing volleyball?”

“Yeah, I’m trying out for captain next year.”

“That’s good.”

“Can we talk?” you hear Conrad say behind you.

“Sure, give me a sec. Jere, she really likes you don’t mess it up.”

“I won’t!” Jeremiah yelled walking back into the house.

You and Conrad sit beside the pool as everyone is inside. You kept a distance between you two but Conrad seemed to inch closer to you by the minute.

“What’d you want to talk about?” you said breaking the silence.

“I never meant to hurt you.”

“You see, Conrad that’s the problem you did.”

“It was for the best.”

“What do you mean for the best, I was in love with you.”

“I loved you too.”

“Sure didn’t seem that way when you said you wanted a break.”

“Y/N, I was scared okay.”

“Scared for what exactly, Conrad?” you snapped him not getting where he was going with this conversation.

“We would’ve never lasted with you in college.”

“Well, now we’ll never know.”

“You seemed to move on pretty quick so I guess I was right.”

“Oh fuck you, Conrad. I had my heart broken because of you and all you think is that.”

“You were going to leave me.” Conrad implied as his voice cracked.

“What?” you said looking at him and making eye contact.

“You would’ve found some college guy and probably notice how much better he is than me.”

“Conrad, I don’t understand.”

“I was so fucking scared, Y/N. I thought maybe if I broke up with you first it would save me some of the heartache. I think it only made it worse.”

“What do you mean ‘broke up with me first’? Conrad, I would’ve never done that to you and I’m offended you don’t have any faith in me.”

“My dad cheated on my mom okay,” he said to you looking down towards the pool.

“Oh, Con, I’m so sorry,” you grabbed his hand. You felt him tighten his hold against yours when you tried to pull back.

“I found out a week before we broke up.”

“Oh," you muttered under your breath as everything started clicking in your mind about how your breakup went down.

“I’m sorry, Y/N. For everything.”

“I know, Con,” you said.

Conrad Fisher always had that effect on you. No matter how much you tried to deny it you would always love him. For that, you would always end up forgiving him in the end. You wondered if he still had any love for you back.

“You know I never stopped loving you,” he said quietly, reconnecting your eyes. It was almost as if he read your mind.

“No. You can’t do that, Conrad. It hurts too much,” you said feeling tears fill your eyes.

“I should’ve never done what I did.”

“Conrad, stop.”

“No. I need you to know I regret it okay.”

“You’re only saying this cause I’m back,” you said as the tears fell from your eyes.

“I’m not. You know I tried visiting you once a couple weeks after everything but you were rehearsing with Luke,” he told you as he raised his hand to wipe away your tears.

“Why didn’t you say anything?” you flushed as you saw him stare at your face slowly taking you in admiration.

“I thought you would be better off without me,” he said rubbing his thumb against your cheek.

“Con,” you found yourself slowly leaning into his touch.

“I’ve always adored you.”

You tried looking away from him but you felt him gently grab your chin and tilt it up towards him.

“You’re an ass.” you laughed trying to put your nerves away as you looked down to his lips before traveling your eyes back to his.

“I love you and I am sorry,” he whispered to you as he pulled you in.

“Con, this is wrong.”

“Nothing is wrong. It’s only us,” he said inches away from your lips.

He put his lips against yours and grabbed your face closer to him. You found yourself kissing him back wrapping your arms around his neck. It was as if you could feel the emotion Conrad was putting into this kiss, it felt like he was giving it his all. As if it was to make up for the past.

“Always know how to make a girl blush,” you said against his lips. You felt the vibration of his laugh as you said it. You missed hearing it. He pushed his lips back onto yours with the same kind of passion as before.

“Only you,” he responded as he pulled back leaning his forehead against yours.

“Do you really think this is smart?” you muttered.

“It was stupid of me to ruin what we had in the first place.”

“Okay.” and with that, he grabbed your face into his hands.

“You. You’re the one I love and I promise I won’t make the same mistake.”

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specialagentlokitty · 1 year

Text

Eddie Diaz x Daughter!reader - so much time

Hi, now I can try my request again. 😉 So, do you think you can write about Eddie's daughter? She thinks her father only takes care of her little brother Christopher. Keyword: distance father-daughter... Until one day she needs Eddie's help... Thanks ☺️ - Anon 💜

Tossing your jacket on, you walked through the living room and leant down, kissing your brothers head.

“See you later bud.”

“You’re leaving?” He asked.

You nodded your head.

“Got plans sorry Chris, am sure you and dad will have fun though.”

You headed to the door and pulled your shoes on, double checking your phone as you grabbed your keys.

“You’re really not coming with us?” Eddie asked.

Looking up at your dad, you pocketed your keys and phone.

“Got plans.”

With that you left and you made your way to the mall to meet your friends.

You guys wondered in and out of shops, and you were standing by one of the food places sipping the drink in your cup as you watched your friends messing around.

Laughing, you shook your head and nudged your other friend.

“Stop them before they get hurt Ryan.”

“Alright, alright.” He laughed.

He walked over to pull the other two boys apart and you heard your phone chime, so you pulled it out to read the message.

Dad: there’s plenty of food if you want to swing by the station.

Rolling your eyes, you typed your reply.

You: no.

Pocketing your phone again, you looked up at the three boys standing in front of you with their arms crossed.

“You’re dad?” Tom asked.

You nodded.

“Forget it, you don’t need him. You got us!” Kyle grinned.

Laughing you walked over and they surrounded you as you all began to wonder once more, just heading in and out of shops.

You had been invited to the meal at the 118 along with your dad and brother but you didn’t see the point in going.

It wasn’t like he was going to miss you anyways, he hardly noticed you were there as it was so you didn’t bother putting effort into someone that wasn’t going to put the effort in with you, regardless if it was your own father or not.

You preferred going out with the guys, they were like your brothers at this point and they did everything with you, they took you to movies and dinners, played games with you and helped you with homework.

They did everything your dad should’ve been doing.

The day was going great, you were standing on by the railing, waving to your friends who were racing up the escalators.

The following week, you skipped another invitation to go to the 118 and instead you and all your friends from school went to a small lake to go ice skating.

“Is this even safe?” You laughed.

“Yeah! Come on it’s frozen solid!” Clara laughed.

Laughing with you, you stepped on to the ice taking her hands in yours and you began to skate around with them.

The boys played hockey, and the girls just skated around, sometimes cutting through the game to annoy the boys.

You skated around, and you stopped when someone called your name.

“Your dads calling you!” Tom called.

“Oh… I guess bring my phone here?”

You went to move by when you did something went wrong.

You heard a loud crack and you slowly looked down.

“No! No!”

Tom quickly stopped and looked at you, and you stared at the cracked ice before looking at him.

“It’s cracking…” you whispered.

“What do we do!?” He yelled.

“Answer the phone! Tell me dad!”

You didn’t know who else to call, your dad was calling you now and it was the fastest way to get help, so Tom did

Eddie nearly dropped his phone and he jumped up.

“Eddie?” Bobby asked.

“My daughters on a frozen lake and it’s cracking!”

“Let’s go!” Bobby barked.

The whole crew rolled out, trying to get there as fast as possible and all your friends were stood nearby, trying to keep you calm.

Tears ran down your face, and the ice slowly kept cracking.

“Hey! Hey they’re here!” Someone yelled.

You all turned to the edge of the ice where the firefighters were slowly making their way across, your dad faster than anyone.

He stopped a few feet in front of you and he scanned the ice.

“Alright, okay hold on, okay? We’re going to help you, I promise.”

You breathed heavily.

“I’m scared…”

“I know… I know… just hang in there.”

You slowly nodded your head and they tried to figure out how the were going to help you.

Bobby stepped forward.

“I need you to lay on your stomach for me okay, nice and easy.”

“I can’t…”

“(Y/N), look at me, look at me.”

You looked at your dad, and he slowly lowered himself to his stomach.

“Just like that okay? It’s going to be okay I promise you.”

“I can’t dad…”

“You can okay? I know you can.”

You slowly lowered yourself down, getting in your knees then you laid on your stomach and the ice cracked a little more.

“Your dad is going to slowly come over, when you can reach his hand we need you to grab it alright?” Hen asked.

You nodded your head.

Eddie slowly began to move forward, and when he was close enough he reached out his hand and you hesitated, staring at it.

“Trust me…” he whispered.

Slowly you reached out, your fingers wrapping around his wrist and he did the same, and in one smooth motion his team grabbed him and hauled him back away from the cracked ice.

Everyone was quickly ushered from the ice, and you and Eddie were the last two to leave and you were trembling.

“(Y/N)!”

Your friends all surrounded you, hugging you tightly and comforting you.

“Hey can we give you a quick check?” Chim asked.

You nodded and pushed through your friends to sit at the back of the ambulance while Hen and Chim gave you a check over.

Eddie stood nearby, leaning against the fire truck as he watched.

“You’re all good, though you lot should probably all put on jackets.” Hen said.

There was a chorus’ of no amount all the teenagers making everyone laugh.

You looked at your friends then looked at your dad and you stood up, walking over to him.

“Thank you…”

Reached out, you gave him an unsure hug.

Eddie immediately hugged you back, holding you tightly as he took a deep breathe and you hugged him back just as tight.

You had spent so much time avoiding him and not doing anything with him because you felt he didn’t care, you didn’t know how much you really needed a hug from him.

And Eddie didn’t realise how much you had grown.

He’d spent so much time worrying about Christopher and looking after him, somewhere along the lines you had grown up.

And he realised he had been missing so much with you

#911 x reader #911 fanfic #911 fox imagine #911 fox #911 fox x you #911 fic #911 fandom #911 fox x reader #Eddie Diaz #Eddie Diaz x reader #Eddie Diaz x you #eddie diaz x y/n #Eddie diaz imagine

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therabbitthatpostthings · 5 months

Text

Timeline isn’t gonna match up or make sense so don’t think about it. This was for an OC I didn't care enough to fully flesh out. Kinda sorta post-canon (all Hashira alive). Little OOC so don't think about that either. Might do a part 2 with background. She/Her pronouns (I'm sorry. I'm lazy)

Tomioka Giyuu isn’t what you would call, active. In fact, the thought of him having a life outside the Demon Corps never crossed the Hashira’s minds (mostly because they didn’t think he had one IN the corps either).

—

He was early. Extremely early, actually. Tomioka was not the latest Hashira by any means but, up so early was, off, to say the least. Shinobu noted this when saying her ‘hellos’ to present Hashira. Tomioka, of course, stood off to the side, not making an effort to interact with anyone aside from a simple “Good Morning.” Even for the ever stoic Tomioka this behavior was weird.

“I guess he remembered us after all.” Shinazugawa hissed coming to the group. It was true that the last three meetings Tomioka had missed (granted they’ve all missed meetings due to work but never three in a row) and the thought of Tomioka slacking off and getting off scotch free added on to Shinazugawa’s ever-growing list of reasons to hate Tomioka.

“It must have been a hard mission.” Kanaroji chimed in.

This didn’t sway Shinobu or Shinazugawa. Shinobu knew it couldn’t have been missions for the last three months, Tomioka hadn’t stopped by the Butterfly Mansion once, not even to get ointment for aches and pains. Strong as they are, the Hashira are not invincible. In fact Tomioka hadn’t been badly injured since last spring. Shinobu knew all this. Even outside of missions Tomioka had just been missing overall. It’s like the silence was even quieter without him there. She peered over to Rengoku and Himajima who looked notably tired well- as tired as they possibly could -as they both lightly chatted with amongst themselves. Tomioka would say something back to them and then go back to staring blankly at the porch.

“He’s finally starting to slack off.” Obanai hissed from up high, the group now noticing he’s been here. “I hope he doesn’t think getting here early will absolve him.”

“Obanai you don’t mean Tomioka got here before you?” Shinobu teased

With a fluster shifting of his eyes, Obanai chose to glare at Giyuu rather than return her gaze. “I saw him coming from inside. Maybe Master snapped on him.”

Though they all doubted Master Ubuyashiki would ever raise his voice, the thought did fill Shinazugawa with momentary joy.

With the final Hashira, Muchiro, walking into the garden it was only a matter of time before the Master appeared. With the opening of the door, everyone’s head snapped up and voices hushed. Shinobu snuck a glance at Tomioka who seemed slightly off. He stood a little too straight and struggled to not ball his fist. Obanai’s theory suddenly seemed more plausible.

—

With the meeting concluded you could practically hear the sigh escape Giyuu’s lips as he walked to the porch. He could feel all the eyes on him as he stepped up there only to be stopped by Hinaki.

“I have to ask that you wait here.” She said calmly.

“But me and Hiro-“

“OI! Have some respect Tomioka!” Shinazugawa yelled. He approached the porch. “Who do you think you are to go around ordering people?!”

He caught Giyuu’s glare from on high. His unchanging eyes shifting back to Hinaki only angered Shinagawa more. “He’s looking down on me,” Shinazugawa thought this an act of war.

Glaring back at him, he said “It’s one thing for you to skip meetings but to disrespect the Master’s family.”

“I’m not disrespecting her, I had a question.” Giyuu replied plainly. He was feeling slightly annoyed and very fearful now. This was not how today was supposed to go. He turned back to Hinaki, “Please, we must be on our way-“

“You bastard.” Shinazugawa was already reaching to pull Giyuu off the porch (not wanting to beat him on the porch, that would be disrespectful). Giyuu was ready to draw his sword when the sound of footsteps alerted them all. Out from the door burst Kiriya and another small child. They maneuvered around Giyuu and Hanaki before Kiriya had tripped taking the small boy with him. Before they could launch themselves off the porch Giyuu caught one under each arm and held onto Hinaki’s collar to keep her from falling over.

He set the children down gently, “Forgive me please, Ubuyashiki-san.”

“No, thank you Tomioka-San.” Hinaki replied, graceful as ever. Lady Ubuyashiki was quick behind them to collect her son. Giyuu apologized once again.

“Hiroshi,” Giyuu turned back to the small boy. He stood slightly behind Kiriya with his head low in shame. Giyuu knelt down, “You should apologize to Lady Ubuyashiki and Hinaki.”

Big blue eyes filled with embarrassment the boy complied. Lady Ubuyashiki smiled kindly, “Please be careful next time you return.”

“He can come back?” Kiriya asked

“As long as Tomioka is okay with it.” She smiled kindly

“Of course.” Giyuu replied as the three kids waved off. “Come on, we’re going home.” The boy followed behind Giyuu quietly. He had a small round face and wild black hair sticking out in all directions. Following along, Hiroshi started to sniffle and finally stopped on the bottom step, tugging on Giyuu’s haori.

“What’s wrong?” Giyuu asked

“I’m sorry Papa.” He cried softly as Giyuu picked him up in his arms trying to soothe the boy.

“It’s okay Hiroshi, I know it was an accident but there’s two of you and only one Hinaki. She could have been hurt. Please be more careful.”

The boy nodded sniffling into his fathers shoulder.

The remaining Hashira stared in astonishment at the action. By the time he got his son to calm down Giyuu had finally noticed that he never left the garden and out the front of the home as intended. Still holding Hiroshi, Giyuu bowed his goodbye and left the garden. Before the rest of Hashira could finish processing what just happened Rengoku and Himajime also left quietly behind him.

—

The next meeting came about a month and a half later. This time Giyuu entered at his normal time with Muichiro coming afterwards. He actively stood apart hoping they all would have forgotten (they didn’t), and suffered silently as the many eyes bore into his head.

It wasn’t just Giyuu, Shinobu was also shooting her glance to Himejima and Rengoku. Himejima was holding up well (surprisingly) but Rengoku was going to pop. Unbeknownst to everyone else, Tengen spent the last week and a half trying to break whatever secret Tomioka had about the same child out of him. An unstoppable force and an immovable object and all that.

Giyuu was silently praying for this meeting to end soon and end this mental game all the Hashira were taking part in. He had already prepared an exit tragedy to get out with the least amount of questions. He looked at Rengoku and Himejima. The game plan was set and they just need to be ready to go.

You could feel the tension ease when Master Ubuyashiki called the meeting to a close. They all stood quietly, paitiently waiting for him to go inside before all hell broke loose. And just as the door closed Lady Ubuyashiki called out, “Tomioka-San. A word please.”

Rengoku was screaming on the inside as Giyuu looked over to him briefly. Tengen hardly waited for Giyuu to take a single step, “How come you two got to know but we didn’t?”

“A secret child Tomioka?” Shinobu called out “You must not like us if we didn’t get to know.”

“It’s not that…” Giyuu finally broke his silence. He reached for the door when it suddenly swung open and the little pitter of footsteps was heard. Giyuu jumped back and was quick to catch the small figure barreling towards him, “Hiroshi!? What are you doing here?”

“Mama hurt her feet.” Hiroshi replied like it was obvious. All heads snapped to the door and out stepped a woman on a pink kimono.

“(Y/N)?” He looked surprised.

“Ah, Giyuu!” She peered up walking over to him

“What happened?” He stepped closer to hold onto her waist.

“Just some sores and aches. Lady Ubuyashiki has been so kind.” She turned to both of them “It’s been in honor in your presence.”

“The pleasure is ours, Lady Tomioka.”

And that’s what broke the string holding all together. The family wordlessly walked off the porch and headed to leave..

Shinobu called out “T-Tomioka?!”

“Yes?” Said (Y/N) and Hiroshi as all three turned to face them.

“Oh! Rengoku-San, Himajime-San! So good to see you both.” (Y/N) smiled

Himejima finally exhaled as both men walked over to greet (Y/N). Both of them gave Giyuu an apologetic look. Hiroshi looked over their shoulders to the remaining Hashira still in a daze. Looking at them side by side there was no denying it. Hiroshi is identical to Giyuu, just smaller and with the cutest round face that Mitsuri just had to gush over.

“You are so cute! Like a mini Tomioka!” She squealed.

“Your hair looks like mochi!” Hiroshi stayed proudly. “Mama, can we get mochi!”

(Y/N) smiled, “That sounds like our que. It was an honor to meet you all.”

The family walked out the garden, with Rengoku and Himejima sneaking out with them.

“What the fuck just happened?” Shinazugawa broke the silence.

—

The next meeting was well over two months and the pillars were determined to not let Giyuu go without answers. Especially since he’d recently had to heal up at the Butterfly Mansion while Shinobu was out. Before he could even think of leaving they had him cornered, Obanai watching over Rengoku and Himejima.

“When were you gonna tell us you were married?!” Uzui shouted

“No one asked and I’d rather have a small wedding…” Giyuu answered plainly.

“What about your ring then?”

Giyuu pulled down his collar to show a silver ring on a chain tucked into his undershirt.

“How did you two find out then?” Obanai hissed.

“Tomioka requested I accompany him on a mission so he could be home earlier,” Himejima stated.

“I had an urgent matter with the Master and happened to meet them all as they were leaving.” Rengoku said.

“Wait so Master knows too?” Mitsuri asked

“Yes, they were at the wedding.” Giyuu replied.

“You are unbelievable.” Shinazugawa muttered. “How were you able to get married?”

Giyuu didn’t seem to have an answer. It’s something he thought to himself many times but when (Y/N) smiled at him he always forgot about it. Before he could try to answer, he heard (Y/N) calling out to him. The Hashira were surprised to (Y/N) walk up in a demon slayer uniform and golden checkered haori. She smiled and bowed to the Hashira, “Hello, I hope I’m not interrupting.”

“No, I'm done here.” Giyuu replied.

“Wait, Tomioka!” Shinobu called as they turned to leave.

“Yes?” They both answered to Shinobu’s annoyance. They did it again.

(Y/N) nudged Giyuu forward as she assumed they meant him. Uzui cut in, “We only wanted to officially meet you, Lady Tomioka.”

“Oh!” (Y/N) smiled “I’m honored to meet you all, I am Tomioka (Y/N), (Y/N) is fine.”

“It's so good to meet you! How long have you and Giyuu been together?” Mitsuri asked, the only genuine person in all this.

“I’ve known him since I joined the Corps, we met while I was on my way to a job, it was in separate areas but we met up on the way back.” (Y/N) answered recalling their younger years.

“We’ve been married for five years.” Giyuu answered. The Hashira took note that their son looked about that age. It took all of Uzui’s strength for him to not comment on it.

“How sweet!” Mitsuri cheered “I had no idea you had such a happy family Tomioka!”

“We try not to talk about it,” (Y/N) smiled. A lot more open than Giyuu but (Y/N) also enjoyed their privacy. “Up until now, only Master Ubuyashiki knew. Hiroshi and Kiriya became good friends.”

The Hashira had a million other questions but they tethered on inappropriate or just plain mean. Out of respect for Lady Tomioka, they held themselves together. The strangeness of the situation wasn’t lost on either of them. They were happy though. The couple said their goodbyes and turned to leave. The Hashira saw the tension lift off Giyuu’s shoulders as he smiled with his wife.

“Why must we question Tomioka,” Himejima spoke once they left. “Lord Uzui is married with three wives.”

“Yeah but that was before he joined the corps,” Sanemi said “We didn’t know him then, we know Tomioka- barley. He’s a fucking buzzkill and he has a sweet woman that not only married him but slept with him at least once!?”

With those “graceful” last words they parted for the evening.

#shitpost #shitposting #giyuu tomioka x reader #giyuu x reader #giyuu tomioka #kny x reader #kimetsu no yaiba #demon slayer #tomioka giyu x reader #tomioka giyuu #writing fanfics at 3 am #cringe-#no beta we die like men #Giyuu Secret Family AU

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danikamariewrites · 8 months

Note

if you still write for dark reader, could i please request a crack fic with the batboys where her idea of fun is being kidnapped and getting herself out.

” hey rhys, have you seen y/n? ”

” oh she’s kidnapped, she should be home in time for dinner ”

” oh okay thanks ”

and reader just walks in covered in dirt and someones blood, she quickly showers and debriefs and they all talk about it like it’s the most normal thing ever

” rhys i’m going to hunt a criminal i saw last week, you in? ”

” i wish darling but i’ve got an execution planned, maybe next week? ”

” okay thats fine, maybe cassian or az? ”

” sure we’d love to come!! ”

” great!!! ”

Favorite Crimes

Batboys x reader

A/n: this is funny af thank you for requesting this 😂

Warnings: dark reader and bat boys, kidnapping, blood, descriptions of gore (i think but nothing too bad), murder, and mentions of sexual harassment

Cassian was positively perplexed as to where in the world you are. You weren’t in the library, or Azriel’s weapons room, and you weren’t in either of the living rooms. He knew you didn’t have anything planned today which made him even more curious as to where you were.

Lightly knocking on Rhys’s office door, poking half his body in. “What’s up Cass,” the High Lord says without looking up from his paper work. “Do you know where y/n is?” “Yes,” Rhys’s face scrunched in thought.

“She told me that she spotted a few of Beron’s spies lurking in town. So she got herself kidnapped. But she’ll be home for dinner.” Cassian let out a small hum. “Wait, again?” “Yup.” Cassian let out another hum and went to his own office.

Just after sunset you winnowed back into the house. “I’m home!” You yelled out, unlacing your boots and setting them by the boys’ boots. The three of them came thundering down the stairs coming to halt, taking you in. You were covered in dirt from head to toe, blood spattered on you where dirt was missing.

You smiled at the boys, skipping past them upstairs. “I’m taking a bath, we’ll talk at dinner.” You said over your shoulder. The three males shared a look and shrugged, heading into the dinning room.

Once you were clean and in fresh clothes you joined your mates at the table. Azriel placed a steaming plate of chicken and veggies in front of you with a kiss on your head. “How was your kidnapping darling?” Rhys asked. You let out an excited hum around the fork in your mouth.

“So much fun! Beron truly employs idiots. So they took me from the city to the border forest between Winter and Autumn. You know the little area that is a mix of winter and autumn? I was tied up and they were waiting for Beron but broke free and the fight was nasty. Cassian you would’ve loved it.

“They did try to bury me at one point but I climbed out. Then I killed them all, which was fairly easy in the end.” They had interjected little cheers and ‘good jobs’ through out your story. It made your cheeks tint pink. It made you happy that they were proud of you.

“What did you do with them?” Azriel asked. “Oh, I stuck their ridiculous swords through them and propped them up like scarecrows for Beron to find.” Cassian snorted, letting out a deep laugh. Rhys was looking at you with amazement. “Wow. You are just incredible darling.”

You blushed again, dipping your chin and looking away from them. Rhys then asks what you all plan on doing this week. When it’s your turn you start nervously playing with your hair. “When I was at Rita’s with Mor I overheard a few females talking about this male who was touching them and he wouldn’t back off. I was going to take him to the woods, hunt him, and torture him. Do you wanna come with me?” You asked, voice full of hope.

Rhys pouted at you, “I’m sorry darling I can’t that day. I have an execution planned in Hewn City.” “That’s ok Rhysie. Cassie, Azzy any interest in coming with me?”

“Hell yeah baby,” Cass said enthusiastically. Az wrapped his arm around you placing a kiss on your temple. “We’ll always come with you baby.” You let out an excited sound clapping your hands lightly. “You guys are the best.”

#acotar #acotar fanfiction #acotar reader fic #acotar reader imagine #acotar imagine #azriel acotar #cassian acotar #rhysand acotar #azriel x reader #cassian x reader #rhysand x reader #azriel x you #cassian x you #rhysand x you #poly!batboys #poly!batboys x you #poly!batboys x reader

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lnnlove · 2 years

Text

heat waves | j.m.

based on “heat waves,” by glass animals

summary: regret and angst surround JJ and Y/N after JJ ended their relationship thinking that you would be better off with someone other than him. of course, it's a small island so you can't avoid each other forever, leading to you both having to confront your true feelings.

author’s note: sorry, apparently all I can write are angst fics based on songs but the ideas just keep coming! hope you’re not sick of this and enjoy. also I think this is the most JJ dialogue i’ve ever written, I hope it sounds like him!

word count: 9.7k (sorry, got carried away)

warnings: cursing, slightly smutty (foreplay/lead up), self-deprecation, depression, skipping meals/eating very little, language, marijuana use, fighting, yelling

Sometimes, all I think about is you. Late nights in the middle of June. Heat waves been faking me out. Can't make you happier now.

JJ can’t sleep. There’s a storm raging outside his window but it's nothing compared to the one inside his head. Summer always comes with storms in the South, because when the heat of the days meets a cold front from over the ocean, the heat wave rises and humidity condenses into rain.

He paces around trying to quiet his mind and throws his hat to the ground when he can’t. He flops to his bed with a frustrated grunt, exhaling the deep breath he’s been holding in. You taught him those, but they don’t seem to work anymore.

JJ brings his arms behind his head as he stares to his ceiling, possessed by the lightening flashes in his window, momentarily illuminating the surface above him before returning back to shadows.

The blank stare in his eye deepens as he fixated on the ceiling, remembering how you loved to snuggle up during storms to listen to them. He remembers how your soft skin felt underneath the blanket with him, arms and legs tangled together in a nest of comfort in one another. He remembers how one particularly large clap of thunder could cause a slight jump in you and that he always found it adorable.

“At least now we can spend the rest of the day in bed. Storm rules, I don’t make them up,” he remembers you saying after he would complain about the storm causing him to miss a day of surfing.

When he would hesitate to join you, you would pout momentarily before bursting into begging pleases with a gentle yank of his arm leading him towards your bed. Sometimes he would hesitate on purpose just to trigger this response from you. He loved it. When he finally gave in, a huge smile would spread across your face before kissing him. That smile, he thought. That god damn smile that's burned in to his brain could get him to do anything.

He wishes the memory would warm him up but really, it brings him nothing but pain knowing that he pushed away that one thing that brought him nothing but happiness because he thought you’d be better off with someone other than him.

JJ groans and rolls over to lay on his stomach, taking the pillow in his hands and shoving it over the back of his head, applying pressure - certain that will help drown out the thoughts that are plaguing him tonight.

But nothing helps. And it's been five weeks.

JJ suffers through the restless night, thinking of only you and how he wished he could feel a kiss from you one more time. He desperately wants to cave, give in and call you. He opens his phone, the light illuminating his face in the dark room. He stares at your contact. He wants to apologize and take it all back more than anything. But in his mind, this was the best thing he could do for you. And so, he suffers, closing his phone and tossing it across his room, thinking he was doing you a favor.

If you love someone, you have to let them go, he recited to himself internally from under the pillow. He repeated it over and over in his mind until he was sure that he had done the right thing and at last, finally began drifting off to sleep.

JJ hoped that you were doing better than him. He hoped that he was right, and that you’d find more happiness with someone who could give you more of what you deserved than he could.

But little did he know, less than a mile away, you were in your bed doing the exact same thing.

Usually, I put something on TV. So we never think about you and me. But today, I see our reflections clearly in Hollywood, laying on the screen.

You love rain. You love how it pours down, washing over everything without discrimination. You love how after a rain, the grass is greener and the birds sing and you feel clean.

You are so thankful for the storm outside bringing you at least a little comfort in your bed that night. You haven't had any comfort like this in weeks, since JJ ended things with you.

Your favorite foods don't taste the same. You favorite shows can't make you laugh. The blanket on your bed and the water in your shower doesn't feel the same on your skin. Your bed suddenly feels big and empty with just you in it. Your mom doesn't know how to talk about it with you so she just stares quietly from the door, dropping off meals on your side table and picking up the last one that remains barely touched.

Desperate for a interruption from your persistent ruminating thoughts about not being what JJ wanted, you sit up against your headboard and reach for your remote.

Surely there is something that can distract me from this torture, you think to yourself, flipping through the channels on your screen, desperate for some type of relief.

You settle on a black and white film that you don't recognize. There's something about the grainy picture and muffled sound of old films that you’ve always found comfort in, even if you’re not paying attention to the plot.

But there’s something in the way that the male lead in this movie looks at his best friend in the movie that reminds you of how JJ used to look at you and now you know there’s no use in seeking distraction from movies. It's been five weeks and everything reminds you of him.

With a sigh, you sink back into your bed and roll over, wrapping yourself in your blanket to look out your window. After watching the lightening momentarily illuminate your room, you close your eyes to listen closely to the rain falling on your roof.

And when the thunder rumbles outside, you find comfort in the small rattle it causes in your sternum. This is the first thing you’ve felt deeply in weeks.

Of course, the storm makes you think of all the stormy summer days that you’ve spent with JJ. You can’t help him coming across your mind. He was everything to you, so of course you have your own personal storm of memories flooding your headspace, ending with the stinging pain of remembering how he ended things with you.

You wonder how he is. He’s probably at the Chateau with his friends anyway, probably not giving you a second thought, you think. How naive you are.

Even with that thought swarming in your mind, you feel a serious temptation to call him.

You open your phone, staring at his contact. You can’t bring yourself to delete the photos of him from your phone. It would probably make it easier to get over him, but you’re so scared to never have them again.

You almost do it. You almost press the call button.

He wouldn’t answer, you think. And just like that, the fleeting temptation is gone. You close your phone and set it upside down on your nightstand.

You have the feeling in your throat like you want to cry. But you’ve cried all the tears you had already today, so you’re stuck with that feeling in your throat and no way to relieve it.

You close your eyes and wish for sleep to take you. Maybe if you wish hard enough, it will come.

But when you close your eyes, all you can think about is the look on his face that night.

You just need a better life than this. You need something I can never give.

The text you got from him that night sent you into a panic.

Can I come over? Need to talk.

You tried to push it out of your mind. JJ needed to talk a lot, about all kinds of things. You shouldn't jump to the assumption that it's bad. There hadn't been any signs that he was unhappy in the relationship.

Sure babe! Whenever.

You responded, forcing yourself to act normal.

You swallowed the negative gut feeling you had down and prepared to wait for him to arrive, thinking he would come later in the night and then stay with you. But he was there within 5 minutes, knocking on your front door.

"Hey baby!" you greet him. He's standing with his hands in his pockets, he gives you a soft smile and small nod.

That's weird, you think. He moves inside and passes you as you close the door behind him. You turn around and step closer to where he's standing now. He's not immediately seeking physical connection with you like he normally would, either by snaking his arms around your waist or kissing you when he walked by. You move in to give him a kiss as you wrap your arms around his middle for a hug. He barely returns your kiss, and remains unmoving and tensed in your hug.

You pull your head away with haste, leaving your arms around him as you search his eyes for answers only inches away.

“What's wrong baby?" you question him.

He just stares down at you with hardened eyes, brows furrowed as he focuses on your expression twisting into concern.

Fuck, he thinks, this is going to be hard.

"JJ, please tell me what's going on," you beg him, stress building inside you at his prolonged silence and apathetic body language.

It seems to you like he's standing there, careless and completely indifferent to the concern he's causing you. But what you don't know is that he's in his mind screaming at himself to keep his resolve and act like he doesn't care when his first instinct is to rush and wrap you in his arms planting kisses all over your beautiful face to get that look off of it. He's a good actor.

"I've been thinking," he finally speaks, "And..."

"And?" you question.

"And I don't think we're right together, Y/N."

You pull away from him and step back, collapsing into yourself. You hear him continuing, but you don't understand the words. You can see his lips moving, talking at you but you don't comprehend the string of words that are blending together as everything around you goes quiet and your vision begins to blur with tears. Your wrap your arms around yourself to try and find comfort as he stands in front of you, just inches away but he's never felt farther.

You return to the moment and swallow the lump in your throat, wiping the tears at your eyes.

"No," you beg him, lifting your eyes to meet his. It's all you can say. What could have possibly changed since the last time you saw him to cause this? you think.

God damn, she's so stubborn, he curses internally. He didn't expect you to put up such a fight for someone like him.

"You deserve better than what I can give you Y/N," he presses you to see reason.

"What do you mean JJ? I don't understand," you plead between your continuing tears.

"I mean," he pulls his head away from you, dropping it into his hands with frustration, "that I'm not good enough for you."

"Of course you are," you take a step forward with an outstretched arm to try and comfort him, "where is this coming from?"

He jerks away from your efforts.

"Damn it, Y/N, why do you have to make this harder?"

"You think I'm just going to let you break up with me for something as stupid as this?"

"It's not stupid!" he yells. Exasperated, he stares at you with a look you've never seen on his face. Hurt, shame, embarrassment, and also anger all at once.

"You need someone who can take care of you! You need someone who can take you out whenever you want and buy you fancy dinners and dresses and jewelry. And take you to see the world like you've always talked about. And someone who can give you a comfortable home and life and everything that I can't give you!"

"JJ, what have I done to make you think that? You can take care of me! And I don't care about any of that stuff. Why don't you let me make that decision for myself?"

"You don't know any better," he says with a short tone.

"Excuse me?" you ask, eyes wide and eyebrows raised. You're offended now, "do you really think I am so small minded that I don't know what's good for me? Did how I feel about this ever even occur to you?"

He doesn't answer. You start again.

"JJ, YOU are what makes me the happiest. Even when you're acting like this, I still want you. I do feel like you can take care of me and build us a home together. If you think I'll be happier without you, you're crazy."

This isn't working, he thinks to himself. He rushes to figure out how he can convince you. What will he have to say? Unfortunately, that leaves you with the perfect amount of time to jump to conclusions. And it gives him the perfect opportunity.

"If you don't want to be with me, just say that. Don't pull this noble 'I'm saving you' bullshit," you mock him with air quotes, fighting now.

"Fine," he says, exhaling his anger and bracing to hurt you now. This is the only way you'll accept it.

"I don't want you anymore," he lies. Of course you're what he wants for the rest of his life, but he can't be selfish, he has to stay on task. This may be the hardest thing he's ever had to do, hurting the person he loves the most in the world.

"Okay then," you whisper with a nod, now fully understanding what this was about. Or so you thought. You begin to cry, breaking your eye contact with him and looking for anything in the room to focus on other than him.

For a moment, JJ falters when he sees what he’s done.

“Y/N wait,” he begins, taking a step forward with a hand outstretched to touch you, but you step to the side away from him. You walk towards your door and open it.

“Just go, please,” you say quietly, standing by the door and using it to block half of your body. JJ doesn’t see that the part of your body that’s hidden is leaning on the door to keep you standing.

He takes one last look at you through furrowed brows and sorry eyes. He wants to say something but he doesn’t know what. Probably that he loves you and that’s why he’s doing this, but of course you wouldn’t believe him.

JJ breaks his gaze from you and opens the glass door that remains in his way. His heart is breaking. His brain is yelling at him to stop, turn around and take it back, but his feet somehow keep carrying him forward.

The glass door is not even closed behind him when your knees fail you and you collapse to the ground in tears. You had been holding it in so well for too long and the audible pain you’re experiencing escapes you.

JJ turns around and sees you through the glass door, on your knees and sobbing into your hands.

He thought lying to you was the hardest thing he’s ever done, but he was wrong. He lies all the time. Standing there seeing you breaking like that and not rushing back to you to it all back is the hardest thing he's ever done.

You can't fight it, you can't breathe. You say something so loving, but now I gotta let you go. You'll be better off with someone new.

There’s a gentle knock on your bedroom door that pulls you from your book. And for a moment you think maybe it could be JJ. But you remember the pattern with which he used to knock and know it couldn’t be him.

Your door barely opens and you hear your mom call to you.

“Hey honey,” she says as she peeks inside to make sure you’re awake, then she opens it fully and enters.

You’re sitting on your bed, reading your tenth book in the six weeks since JJ broke up with you. You haven’t been doing much else at all. Your mom approaches your bed and sits on the side of it facing you.

“Hey mom,” you say quietly with a small smile, moving your bookmark into place and setting the book down in your lap.

“How are you today baby?” she asks.

“I’m okay,” you say with a shrug. It’s not a total lie. You have good days and you have bad days. You haven’t cried today which is always a small victory.

“I’m worried your wasting your summer away cooped up in here, Y/N. It’s already June and you’ll be back to school before you know it.”

You’re a little shocked by your mom’s words. She hasn’t acknowledged the break up or your behavior since very much. She’s mostly kept her distance and let you be, not forcing you to talk about anything. She’s even let you get away with stealing her wine and liquor, which you know she must have noticed by now.

“I just don’t have much else to do mom,” you respond with a defeated gesture. You’ve gotten out to go on a few walks in the last two weeks, but there’s too many spots on the island where he could be and so you avoid them all together for fear of seeing him. That doesn’t leave too many places to go.

“What about your friends baby?” she asks.

In truth, you grew apart from most of your friends when you started dating JJ a year ago. You spent so much time with him that you started seeing less and less of them, and you couldn’t blame them for being mad about that now. Of course you also had the pogues when you were dating JJ, but after your connection to them was severed, you haven’t kept up really. They were JJ’s friends first.

“I don’t really have any anymore,” you mutter, “not since…” you trail off. She knows what you mean.

“Well, that’s not true,” your mom cuts in.

“Yes it is mom,” you insist.

“I saw Sarah at the grocery store today and she asked me about you. She seemed very concerned.”

You don’t say anything, but your look must have told her to go on. You’re not sure you want to know what she told her about how you’re doing.

“I said you’ve been better,” she says jokingly. It does make you laugh a little. “Then she begged me to tell you about her birthday party tonight. She sounded like she really wanted you to come.”

Your attention was peaked and you raised your head to meet your mom's eyes. The excitement is fleeting though, and it dies down when you think about seeing JJ there.

"I don't know mom," you whisper, "what if he's there?"

"Who cares if he's there?" she shouts. "Show him that he hasn't broken you baby," she tries to empower you. She's always been very good at this part, being your friend. She had you at a young age and remembers what it was like.

"But," you start. "He has mom."

"I still see my same Y/N," she says. "And life goes by too fast for you to spend all this time in your room avoiding him just because he's stupid."

You contemplate her words. She tries again.

"Are you really going let him take away your summer like this? All these nights you could be spending with friends or making new friends? I simply won't let you spend another night in here wasting your youth. You'll be grown up before you know it," she lectures.

You know she's right. All she talks about it how fast she grew up and how you shouldn't wish your life away. But all you can think about is growing up and getting off the island. Going somewhere for college or maybe not and just moving somewhere to reinvent yourself.

Her words register with you. She was hoping to make you mad and she thinks it worked.

You exhale the breath you were holding in with a huff. No, no you won't let him take your summer from you. If the party was on Figure 8, you were sure he probably wouldn't be there anyway.

You lean in to hug your mom, throwing your arms around her neck and say "Okay, I'll go," while in her embrace.

She pulls away with a smile and says "That's my girl. Now let's pick an outfit!"

Your mom got you out of bed and helped you choose an outfit. She played music and made sure your spirits were high before you walked out of the door. She always talked about how she wasn't a good mom, but she was exactly the one you needed, especially in that moment when you needed a friend.

Of course, the confidence and excitement you were feeling with her died the second you turned your bike out of your driveway and were alone again.

The loneliness set back in and the pit in your stomach grew bigger and bigger until you considered turning back around and telling your mom you'd rather stay in with her all night. Sarah wouldn't miss you that much anyway, you thought.

Luckily, you prepared for this feeling and pulled your bike off as you passed an entrance to the beach on Figure 8. JJ definitely wouldn't be here of all places.

You leave your bike momentarily at the entrance, and make your way down to the beach. You find an empty spot close to the surf and sit down, thankful that the beach tends to empty after sunset.

You reach into your pocket and retrieve the joint you had rolled for yourself earlier that day and a lighter, silently thanking your past self. Like second nature, you stick it between your lips and light the end, inhaling the first hit and holding it in your lungs for a few moments before exhaling the smoke, closing your eyes to let the immediate comfort it brings you set in.

At least some feelings never change, you think, taking solace in the familiar feeling of the high taking over.

You take a few more draws from it while you listen to the crashing waves before putting it out in the sand and saving the other half for later, certain that you'll either need it or it will be an easy way to make friends at the party.

You make it back to your bike and hop on, finishing your ride to the party much more relaxed now.

Sarah’s house is full of people that spill out and litter the front and back yards. You enter through the opened front door, hearing the music blasting from the threshold. You wade through the crowd of familiar faces, offering a soft smile or small greeting to everyone you pass. It seems they’re not as mad at you as you thought which gives you more confidence to be there.

Finally, you make it to the kitchen to secure a drink, quickly combining a rough pour of vodka and orange juice to get you started quickly. When you turn the corner into the next room, you see a group of girls from school and move to speak to them.

You are welcomed into the group after some small talk and stand with them in a comfortable corner of the room. You pay attention to their conversation, relying on them mostly to carry it while you contribute here and there. The safety of the corner allows you to see around the room, watching everyone talking, singing, dancing, drinking, laughing. You missed this.

As you scanned the room, you finally spot Sarah several people over. You smile when you see her, having missed her friendship so much these last six weeks. When your eyes continue on their path, they suddenly fall on the group around her.

Pope, Kie, John B…. and JJ.

Just when you realize that he’s there and the sinking feeling returns to your stomach, Sarah looks away from the people she was talking with and meets your eyes. Her expression does not match the concerned one that begins to take over your features.

She smiles and waves at you. You muster up a small smile and return her wave.

She beckons you, asking for you to come to her.

Your eyes widen and glance to her left, signaling JJ’s presence. You give her a begging shake of your head and beckon her in your direction.

She looks to her left and realizes the meaning of your unspoken language. She slowly returns her head to face you and mouths “Ohhh.”

You laugh at her silly drunkenness while she makes her way over to you.

“Y/N!” she sings with a gleeful tone as she approaches you and pulls you slightly away from your group.

“Hey Sarah,” you say as she wraps her arms around your neck in a hug, “happy birthday.”

“I’m so glad you’re here. I’ve missed you,” she says next to you, continuing her hug.

“Kie and I both have,” she adds while pulling away to see you.

“I’ve missed you both too,” you return and an awkward silence falls over you two for a moment as you both decide not to bring up the reason you’ve been separated.

“Well I’m really glad you’re here now,” she says, linking your arms together, “we'll have to catch up while you’re here and you can’t go back in to hiding after this.”

“I’m working on it,” you say bashfully, finding comfort from talking about this with a friend. You considered Sarah one of your closest friends after joining their group. She has a way about her that makes you feel instantly comfortable and like you’ve known her forever. That must be why there were so many people here for her birthday, everyone loves her because she makes everyone feel loved.

Which is exactly why someone else approached her as you talked, pulling her away from your conversation.

She looked back to you and said “we’ll talk more later,” while being pulled away by the next guest wanting her attention. You nodded to assure her that you were alright being left alone. You returned to the group you were talking with and retreated back into your corner, able to keep an eye on all the guests to make sure one in particular didn’t surprise you.

You stayed there for what felt like an hour but could have been just minutes listening to the party around you. Everyone talking over the music and laughing at each other’s jokes, having a good time. Why did it seem like everyone could have a good time except you? It seemed like everything you used to be able to talk about had been wiped from your memory and you didn’t know how to contribute anymore. All you could do was stand there paralyzed, watching your peers enjoy life, moving on and growing without you.

Including JJ.

You couldn’t help but watch him when he was so close, laughing with his friends, joking with the people around him, passing through the crowd with effortless motion, completely weightless and smiling like there was nothing burdening him.

It made you lose your breath.

He’s totally fine, you think, trying to decide why you thought he would be anything else since he was the one to end it. You struggled to keep a full breath of air in your lungs as your chest began to rise and fall very quickly when the memory of him telling you that he didn’t want you anymore resurfaced.

Of course he doesn’t, your brain attacks you. Why would he want you when he could have any girl here?

You could see there weren’t any girls flirting with him, but your mind betrayed you by planting those toxic intrusive thoughts and then it was all you could think. Seeing him acting as if he couldn’t be happier convinced you that he never cared at all, that he was enjoying this newfound freedom even.

You excuse yourself from the group you were standing with and begin walking away, desperately needing to remove yourself from where you could see him so clearly. With no idea where you were headed and legs barely able to put one in front of the other, you had to stop to try and catch your shallow breath. You placed your drink on a table and brought your hand to your chest to try and steady your breathing.

When you pull your head up from where it was hanging between your shoulders, you instinctively look in his direction to see if he’s noticed you. You regret that.

JJ pulls his eyes away from Pope and meet yours across the room. The smile on his face falls from his lips, and light begins to leave his eyes. Of course he’s disappointed to see you, you think.

You hold his gaze long enough to see his eyes soften towards you and your chest starts to rise and fall rapidly again, heart beat quickening and breath hitching in your throat. Your panic is visible to him as you bring your hand to your chest once again to stop the sting you’re feeling in your heart.

Your flight response finally takes over, and without control you turn away from him to flee as fast as you can in your panicked state.

As you navigate slowly through the crowd, excusing yourself to every one you pass, you hear several muffled words faintly behind you and realize he is trying to get to you.

“Sorry, coming through,” you hear his voice behind you for the first time in weeks. Knowing that he’s following you, you pick up your pace, desperate for a way to escape him. Lost in the big house and crowd of people, you settle on a hall closet, jogging to the door as you feel his presence closing in on you. You open the door and rush in, turning around once inside to brace yourself against the door.

JJ gets to the door within seconds.

"Y/N, open the door," he begs you on the other side of the wooden barrier. You silently refuse, tears welling in your eyes at the sound of his voice.

JJ continued banging on it harshly and begging you to open the door. He tried opening it himself, but you hold the knob, using all of your strength to keep it closed against him. But you don’t have much strength to give. And he's stronger than your strongest.

You give up, retreating to the back of the small room, placing your back against the wall and sliding down to the floor with your knees in front of you to guard yourself from him, leaning your head against the wall behind you to try and regain your breath.

He invades.

The two of you have been in this closet before, under vastly different circumstances. The memory on both of your minds is obvious, creating a thick air of tension, but neither of you will mention it.

He catches one look of you crying against the wall and turns to face the door, leaving his back to you. He props his forehead against the door to ground him.

"What are you doing?" you question his odd movements, breaking the silence that hovered between you since he entered.

"Trying to give you some privacy," he responds.

"Why did you follow me in here then?" you plead between breaths.

Silence falls over you both again when he realizes his contradicting actions. He begins to gently tap his forehead repeatedly on the door.

“You’ve got to get over me, Y/N,” he exhales in a whisper.

You let out a sarcastic laugh at this.

“Yeah sure, I’ll get right on that. You got any tips? Seems to be working quite well for you,” you scoff.

"I just want to help," he says, ignoring your insinuation and thus confirming it further to you.

"You can't help when you're the cause, JJ."

That breaks him.

He turns to face you, taking the few steps that keep you distanced from him and crouches in front of you, eye level with you now.

"I don't mean to be, Y/N," he asserts, holding eye contact.

"What do you mean to do then, JJ? You can't just end things with me, act like you don't care and then follow me into a closet trying to comfort me again. It's confusing, J."

"You think I don't care?"

"What am I supposed to think when I see you out there just living your life unfazed by this, completely unbothered by not being with me? It's like you don't even remember how good we had it, and now we don't.”

A pang of harsh silence falls between you in the dim room.

"It does bother me,” he tries.

“Please go JJ, this hurts too much,” you ignore him.

“I can’t leave you like this,” JJ whispers.

“JJ, it’s too hard for me to have you so close in front of me like this when I can’t reach out and have you,” you sniffle out.

Those words hurt him. He silently stares at you. He’s thinking about it right now. He’s thinking about going back to how it was, just kissing you now and apologizing. He knows you’d take him back.

“Please,” you beg.

He stands and backs away now, having seen the pain he’s caused you. He could never make you happy again, now that he’s done this.

He knows one day you’ll be happy again, it will just take time and he’ll have to fight every urge to comfort you.

JJ walks to the door and pauses to utter “I’m sorry,” before gently opening the door and leaving you in the closet.

I don't wanna be alone. You know it hurts me too. You look so broken when you cry. One more and then I say goodbye.

It's been 6 days since you saw JJ at Sarah's party and one thing he said has been hanging in your mind since then.

"It does bother me."

You ignored him when he first said it, hopelessly refusing to believe him and just wanting him to leave you so that you could think again.

But since then, the words have lingered in your mind, dwelling on the words falling out of his mouth and how you dismissed it. Who knows where your conversation could have? And that "what if" has been tormenting you for days.

And that is exactly what brought you to tears that night, sitting alone again in your bed, crying over the loss of this same boy. You are starting to feel pathetic now, but how can you just move on when you had made so many plans with him? When you hadn't been prepared or even slightly seen it coming? You were completely blindsided.

That pathetic feeling you had for yourself quickly turned to apathy. You didn't care that you were still hung up on him because who was even around you to notice? And that apathy became rapidly dangerous as your sobs subsided for a brief moment and the tears cleared from your eye for long enough for you to see yourself pulling up JJ's contact in your phone.

I'm calling him, you thought. Your desperation and lack of pride becoming weaponized against you. You didn't care if he knew you missed him and needed him, he's the one person in the world you have shared your most vulnerable thoughts with. He's seen the deepest and most secret parts of you. You don't care if he sees that you're broken without him. He already saw you the other night.

You stare at his contact for several moments as you contemplated calling him. Your thumb hovers over the call button until you think fuck it, before you can talk yourself out of it.

Shamelessly, you press the button and swallow the growing nausea in your stomach as the phone rings.

JJ has been mentally kicking himself since he walked out of the closet leaving you the other night. He can't believe he let himself do that, abandoning you in that state.

Of course, he thinks he's doing what's right for you and so he lets himself suffer as he continues his internal battle of strengthening his resolve to let you go and giving in to his truly overwhelming feelings for you.

So when his phone rings and he sees your name on his screen for the first time in weeks, he hesitates to answer, unsure if this would end well.

After five rings, you're certain he won't answer.

Until in the middle of the sixth and final phone chime, he scrambles to slide the button and presses the phone to his ear before he misses his chance.

"Hello?" he answers. It sends an ache to your swelling heart and causes butterflies to erupt in your stomach at the same time.

Idiot, he thinks to himself, why did answer like you didn't know who it was. He squints his face and pulls at his hair in frustration, convincing himself there would have been something better to say as if that was the most normal way to answer the phone.

"Hey," you let out after holding your breath. You sniffle after saying it and thought it was quiet enough.

"Y/N, are you okay?" he jumps to conclusions hearing your stifling your cry, panic evident in his tone.

“Um,” you consider, “that’s a loaded question.” Physically you were fine, but you don’t think you could say you’ve been “okay” in weeks.

“Well, what’s going on? Has something happened?” he asks, trying to find out why you’ve called him.

“No, I just…” you trail off, unsure of what you planned on saying, “I just…. would you come over?” you blurt out.

JJ is silent for a few seconds, trying to suppress the immediate urge he feels to rush to you.

“I don’t know, Y/N… do you think that’s a good idea?”

The rejection of his response stings and the tears come rushing back to you. They spill over your eyelids and you can’t conceal the sound of your cries to the boy on the other side of the phone.

“Please J,” he hears you cry. “I just really don’t want to be alone,” you beg as you realize the true reason behind calling him. You couldn’t stand the solitude of heartbreak any longer. You needed a break from it even just for one night.

His heart breaks at the sound of your sobs. You voice is shaking in his ear and he can’t fight his instincts to be there for you any longer. He brings a hand behind his head and looks to his feet while holding the phone to his ear. He closes his eyes for a moment and accepts that this will fuck everything up, but he has to go to you.

“Okay,” he breaks, “I’m coming Y/N, I’ll be there.” And he hangs up the phone.

You try you best to subdue your crying before he gets there so that you don’t look like a total mess when he arrives, but your cries have been lasting longer than usual these last few weeks now that you have something to truly be sad about.

Ten minutes later, JJ arrives at your house and notices your mom's car is not in the driveway. Somewhat relieved that he won't have to face the disappointment of the woman that's treated him like her own son, he makes his way to the door.

He doesn't knock, he opens it and walks in like it's second nature to him. It is, really.

"Y/N?" he calls out.

He scans the living room for you and when he sees you're not there, he picks up his pace to the back of your house where your room is, knowing that's where you'd be. His nerves build in his stomach as he prepares to see you.

"Y/N?" he says as he opens your door without knocking.

You're sitting in your bed with you back against your headboard while you take in the sight of him there in your room again. He's in shorts and long sleeve t-shirt. The two of you stay like that for a few moments before saying anything.

JJ removes his hat and bends the bill of it between his hands, his nervous tick.

You're so tired of crying. You long for the day that you'll have no tears left to cry for him, but seeing him standing there with that concerned look on his face caused them to well again and stream out over your cheeks. You are the first to break eye contact in a vain effort to hide your whimpering from him, but he sees you.

At the sight, JJ drops his hat to the floor and moves to you. He doesn’t see the light that used to reflect in your eyes, or the big fun loving personality that he fell for. He climbs into his spot on your bed and takes you in his arms.

You melt into his embrace, this being the first time you’ve felt his warm touch in almost seven weeks.

JJ has to hold back a gasp at how frail you feel in his arms, having noticeably shrunken into yourself. He almost doesn’t recognize you from the sadness in your face, eyes and cheeks swollen and the tan fading from your skin from the lack of time spent in the sun. You’re a shadow of the person you once were.

He holds you while you cry into his chest, one arm wrapped around his neck to hold yourself in place and the other gripping the material of his shirt on his side. You want to hold on him so tight that he couldn’t leave even if he tried.

You had missed his embrace more than you realized and you savored it while he was there. His presence has such an effect of you that your breath begins to slow back down and you can hear his heartbeat through his shirt where your head is against him when your sniffling stops. You breathe in his familiar scent and smile slightly when you realize it will linger on your pillow and blanket that it’s escaped from during the weeks of his absence. His company has restored your calm and you finally wipe the last tears from your eyes.

"There we go," JJ coos into the top of your head when he realizes that you've stopped crying.

You lift your head to look at him, meeting his gaze and offer him a coy smile, showing slight embarrassment.

"I'm really glad that you're here," you admit.

JJ can't help himself. He takes your face in both of his hands to look closer at your swollen cheeks and puffy red eyes with a worried frown, assessing the damage he's done to you.

You can't help yourself either when he's holding your face like this. You've been missing him so much, down to the deepest part of you. If you'd known your last kiss would have been your last kiss, you would have leaned in just a little bit closer, held it just a little longer, cherished it just a little bit more.

And so, you think fuck it and boldly kiss him. You lean in the few inches that separate you from him and press your lips to his while he continues to hold either side of your face. Your hands are desperately grabbing at his chest and neck, searching for a way to keep close to him as he kisses you back. His soft familiar lips move in perfect rhythm with yours and you accept his tongue as it grazes against your lips and into your mouth to meet yours.

After a few seconds of savoring the feeling of his kiss that you'd missed so badly, you can't help but think he’s not kissing me like someone who doesn’t want me.

And just as if he could hear your thought, JJ pulls away, breaking your kiss.

"Y/N, we can’t do this." JJ keeps one hand in its place cupping your cheek and holding the back of your neck, but he drops the other to rest over the one you have rested on his chest.

"Why not?" you ask, pleading with your foreheads together.

"It's not right," he answers in a whisper.

"Since when have you cared about what's right?" you argue, lifting your head from where he was holding you in place so that you could look him in the eyes.

"I've always cared about what's right when it comes to you!" JJ shouts back, hurt by your insinuation.

You choose to ignore that statement. If he cared about what was right when it came to you, he would have never broken up with you.

You sit in silence for a few seconds, turning your head to break his stare, only the sound of your heavy breaths filling the room. You can't understand why he always insists on fighting you.

You turn back to face him, reaching out to place one hand on each of his shoulders, willing him to look at you. His body is aligned with yours, but he drops his head to the side to avoid your gaze.

"JJ, please," you state plainly, "I just want to feel something good." You have no trouble stating your needs. "I have been feeling so bad for so long and I just..."

He lifts his head and brings his eyes to meet yours, tears welling in them. They're looking softer and bluer than you've ever seen them. He stays silent, not protesting, and you take this as a sign to continue.

"And I just think..." you pick back up, "that if I knew it was our last time," you pause, "that I could move on easier afterward than I can with where we are now."

He says nothing, just looks at you. You can see the thoughts swirling in his head, see him deciding what he's going to do. It's so embarrassing for you to be putting yourself out there like this and him torturing you with no response. But you decide not to be embarrassed. It's JJ.

"If it's true that you don't want me anymore, then fine. You can leave right now and at least I'll know that you really mean that," you stop, waiting for a reaction. "But if even a little part of you wants me, even just a tiny bit..." you say, "let's just have this one more night together and at least we'll know it's the last one and we'll have closure." You squeeze your hands on his shoulders with searching eyes and a small faked smile, indicating you're done and it's time for him to decide.

JJ doesn't say anything.

He darts his hands to either side of your waist, lifting you and moving you to lay back on your bed. He lets out a deep exhale and brings his face to yours, kissing you fiercely. You relish in the feeling it gives you, moving your hands from his shoulders to be wrapped around his neck, fingers teasing through his golden hair, holding him closer and closer to you.

"Oh, baby," he moans against your lips, his hands tightening their grip on your waist and hip where he's holding you to the bed, "I want you so bad." That's him, your old JJ, returned to you, even if it's just for tonight.

"I want you JJ," you moan back. He breaks away to trail kisses down your cheek, along your jaw, to your neck and then to his favorite spot behind your ear. You run your fingers under the back of his shirt, pulling it up to reveal his back and he raises from you momentarily to remove his shirt. He returns to his place at your neck while working his hand under the hem of your shirt to grasp at your bare chest for a few moments before moving his hand down along your skin to slip under the waistband of your shorts. You lift your hips to grind against his fingers. As he teases you, you stifle gasps and moans long enough to bring your lips to his ear and say "I want everything one more time, J," before you fully release yourself into the hold he has on you.

You feel his hand extract from you momentarily before a strong grasp tugs on your waistband to remove the layers that concealed you from him. JJ brings his left arm up to hold your hands above your head and with the other, he held your jaw gently between his thumb and pointer finger to look you in your eyes. He grazed his thumb over your swollen lips.

"I would do anything for you," he breaths out before kissing you hard on the mouth and continuing his work on your body.

I just wonder what you're dreaming of when you sleep and smile so comfortable. I just wish that I could give you that, that look that's perfectly un-sad.

JJ lay awake, his breathing only just recently returning to his normal pace. He had one arm tucked under his head and the other around you, clutching your sleeping form to his bare chest. You had one arm draped lazily over his middle, your sleepy fingers tickling his skin. How could he sleep after what just happened?

He didn't think he'd ever be able to sleep again. How could he live with himself?

He had one job. Break up with you and let you go. But that look on your face as you pleaded for him. How could he resist that? And he believed you. That you just needed him one more time before moving on.

JJ silently cursed himself, careful not to wake you. He had to savor the moment before you woke up.

JJ looked down at you sleeping silently next to him. He memorized the way your chest felt rising away from and falling into his side as you breathed. He shifted so that your head fell from his chest to the pillow beneath and he rolled on his side to face you. He felt your heavy exhaled breath flutter across his face.

Your hair had fallen into your face during the shift, so he lifted a hand to brush it out of your face.

JJ thought you looked so happy when you were asleep and wondered what you must be dreaming of. The smallest sweet smile apparent in your lips crushed him as he thought how he'd never be able to show you true peace like this.

He wished that he could be the reason for your smile instead of what you must have been dreaming about. Suddenly, JJ felt wrong to be there, intruding on you, invading your privacy. He felt he had to leave now before you could wake up and regret what you'd both done.

He shifted to lay on his back and exhaled a deep breath with a sigh before he made his move to leave. He sat up on the edge of the bed and looked around for the rest of his clothes before silently standing.

He thought he would be able to get out unnoticed and slip away before having to have a difficult conversation. But the stirring and sudden absence next to you woke you.

Sometimes, all I think about is you. Late nights in the middle of June.

You stirred awake and reached for JJ but gasped when you saw JJ was gone from his place in your bed.

JJ froze in his place standing in your room, his shirt in hand. He watched you realize that he wasn't there. You shifted in your bed to sit up when you noticed JJ standing in front of you. He'd been getting dressed.

"JJ no! Don't you dare walk out of here," you raise your voice at him from your bed, tears threatening to flood your eyes.

"You said - " he shouts, an arm extended out in front of him in frustration.

"I don't care what I said!" you interrupt him. And you're not lying, you didn't care. "I care about what you said."

"What do you mean what I said?" JJ shouts.

"You SAID that you would do anything for me," you begin, "please explain to me how you could say something like that but not want to be with me?"

"Y/N, I really don't want to talk about it."

"No! We are going to talk about it JJ," you shout. "There is clearly something wrong! There's something you're not telling me."

"I'M wrong!" JJ seethes, throwing his shirt across your room in frustration.

"I - "

"No now you shut up!" JJ insisted, "if you're going to force me to talk, then you listen."

You blinked at him in disbelief. He's never talked to you that way.

"I am wrong for you, Y/N," he tries to say calmly, "I was laying there awake watching you smile in your sleep, thinking about how I can't give you that happiness."

Angry now, you scream "Are you delusional?!"

JJ starts to object but you cut him off.

"How can you be so blind and not see that I was happy tonight because you were here? And how are you SO SURE that I would just get over you like it’s that simple to me?"

JJ is silent.

"You mean to tell me that you've put me through this for months based on your delusional opinion that you're not good enough for me?" you can't help the tears that fall from your eyes now.

"Y/N, it's what's best for you."

"When will you trust me enough to let ME decide what's best for myself?" you shout.

JJ attempts to respond, but you continue shouting. JJ does too, both of you yelling from your spots in the room, arms flailing in an attempt to prove your points but with you both arguing at once, neither of you are listening.

You both settle down now that you've gotten your frustrations out through shouts. You're a little grateful JJ was yelling over you because you're really not sure of what you said.

"Can I go now?" you say chuckling quietly, asking for permission to continue. JJ nods and makes his way to sit on the bed with you.

"You do need to understand that I can judge what's best for myself," you start, "but also..." you reach your hand out to JJ's face, turning his head with your palm so that he will look at you when you say this.

"I need you to understand," you pause, trying to find the right words. "That your situation.... is not your fault. And you are worthy of my love regardless, and anyone's love for that matter." You're firm with your words. Even if he won't love you back the way you want, at least he'll walk away from this conversation having heard that.

JJ let your words wash over him. He closed his eyes and exhaled the breath that he was holding in. You saw his brow begin to furrow and you hoped that his silence meant he was listening to what you said.

He began to lean towards you and you instinctively wrapped your arms around his shoulders, bringing him in to rest against your chest.

You sat in silence for a few moments while you thought of what to do. You had one arm around JJ's back, and the other running through his hair, something you knew always calmed him down.

"I don't want to sit here and convince you to be with me," you trailed off, although you weren't too proud to beg.

"You don't have to do that at all, Y/N," JJ cut in.

"But..... let me just ask you this."

JJ lifted his chin, signaling for you to continue.

"Stop thinking about what you think is best for me for one minute."

He nodded.

"And tell me what you want. What do you want?"

JJ sat up from where you were holding him and looked at you for a few seconds. He smiled at you so sweetly that you thought you might burst.

And he said "To be with you. More than anything I've ever wanted."

You closed your eyes and let out the breath you were holding in, bringing your hands to your stomach to combat the swirling feeling you were having inside. It felt so good to hear him say that. A smile spread across your lips as a few tears streamed down your cheeks.

JJ leaned in to you after wiping a few tears of his own. He brought his hands to either side of your face, swiping at the tears that littered your cheeks with his thumb.

You opened your eyes to meet his gaze.

"Then be with me," you requested with a sweet laugh and slight shake of your head, "please." It really was that simple to you.

Then JJ crashed in to you, enveloping you in a tight hug with both of his arms wrapped around your neck. "Okay," he whispered into your neck where he was nuzzled.

He pulled back to look at you.

"If you insist," he grinned. It earned him a laugh from you. How he had missed that.

JJ interrupted your laugh by kissing you again. It was a long and desperate kiss. And after, he followed it with several short pecks, "mwah, mwah, mwah," he said in between. As if making up for lost time.

"'I'm sorry for all of the things I said," JJ admitted.

"I am too," you added. "Just talk to me about it next time?" you requested with a laugh.

"I will," he promised.

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