#i still dont like it that much anymore 😭
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btw I don’t know if this is a thing anyone is thinking about but I’m not gonna stop drawing Jimmy as a canary. It’s a lovely bird. It’s still something that’s been really important to his series. There’s no reason to drop the canary headcanon just cuz Lizzie fell into the void.
#warning: don’t open up these tags I went on a very heated and rather unrelated rant cuz I’ve been mad#trafficblr#life series#secret life spoilers#secret life smp#jimmy solidarity#also I’m sick of seeing ppl celebrate Jimmy surviving because they hate the canary curse fans like SHUT UP!!! LET US HAVE FUN GOD!!!#LIKE LITERALLY EVEN IF NOBODY CAME UP WITH THE CANARY METAPHOR WE WOULD STILL BE TALKING ABOUT HOW HES ALWAYS DYING OK WE DIDNT MAKE UP THAT#HE DIES FIRST HE JUST DOES. GOD. so what if some people make shakespeare sounding posts about the curse that I don’t understand. we are JUST#having fun and making connections where we don’t need to BECAUSE ITS FUN. NOT CUZ WE DONT CARE ABOUT ANYTHING ELSE. sorry for the past few#days I’ve been genuinely mad at this fandom’s growing hatred towards its own community.#LIKE IM FINE IF ITS NOT YOUR THING BUT GOD. WE ARENT EVEN DOING ANYTHING 😭😭😭 THE LORE LITERALLY WRITES ITSELF OR IS WRITTEN BY MARTYN LOL#I’ve just been getting SO TILTED man. like ohhh yeah okay ur right i said too much guess I won’t say anything anymore#does anyone else genuinely not know wtf ppl are talking about when they say a certain hc takes over everything about the character#cuz I literally see so much varied Jimmy content yet I’ve seen several ppl complain that ppl ignore aspects of his character in favor of#WHATEVER when I literally don’t see that happening to him. step out of ur circle or something I don’t even HAVE a circle man
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why'd my adderall xr kick in so late I fell asleep after an hour and woke up feeling it after a 2 hour nap 😑 jm wasting it by being asleep the first half.. I do love waking up feeling rested and not confused at least but come on
#still such a lifecbanging difference sorry#i donr know if the constant sleepiness or the fatigue is what's worse but whatevevr it is just lifts so much easier like this help#i love thinking i can hold on to so many tboughts and care enough about them to even write or say them..#or even just staying in my head just that it's clearer and i have energy to even think at all#i get scared of the way my brain feels so disorganized and mixed up like i forget how language works and i cant remember anything anymore#everything feels like the same constant slush like someone turned the contrast down ans the information the world sends me is sanded down#none of that information ever hits i feel like it's never actually me reacting to it i feel like im watching myself on autopilot.#like km just so tired in every way i cant even relieve myself of boredom anymore because it takes too much energy to even think#and i know everyone on stimulants loves to talk and say things and whatever sorry help but i missed thinking i missed actually reacting 😭#a lot of the time i dont feel real just extremely uncomfortable for no reason. and that's the strongest thing there everything else is dull#like i funally feel awake and conscious and such. like things in this world happen to me and i interact with things and irs real...
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can't believe I have to say this but I'm actually struggling rn with the romance system in bg3 it's kind of bonkers how unforgiving it is 😭 i hope they make the romance triggers more clear in later updates bc I Did Not realize that if u didn't go for astarion in act 1 (I Didn't Like Him Then Ok) you got No Chance afterwards 😔
#merlin.txt#like i changed my mind and im like deeply not interested in gale anymore but since i didnt pursue anyone else in act 1 im fucked 😭#my tav is going to get No Game this playthru 😔#'just go for gale' i Cannot express how much i dont want to romance this man. rlly cannot make it more clear#i cannot fuck with a guy who is still this deeply down bad for his ex#so canonically my tav is just pining after their lame vampire friend they hate#which honestly? kind of funny#also i Wish the game could tell u if ur missing companion camp scenes 😭 im allergic to longresting so i keep missing scenessss#WAHHHHHHHHHH#the hardest challenge ive faced in this game so far
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#as a side note i had a moment of horrid irony when i thought suddenly that I WISHED mr knight were there#because he was at the vigil last year and used to be a part of my church. and i suddenly missed all my old housemates#who were here last year! went to hug people during the peace and a good friend asked if i was okay#i was like 😭😭😭😭 not really and then turned around and SAW the boy and was like well this is a twist in the plot i truly dont care for#anyway all's well i just cried buckets more my heart's been wrung OUT#he lives fae away. he was not supposed to come. anyway he did and i shook his hand formally because he offered to (???)#*far away#it was totally bizarre#he did not stay for long which. thank God. i wouldve been so much more tired if he had#but he wished me happy birthday which irked me because we'd had an unspoken agreement to not wish each other happy birthday (for fear of#mixed signals) which. happened i guess#it was INCREDIBLY bizarre. the safest ive ever felt in my life was when he was holding me#and now he's a familiar stranger i know too well whom i dont WANT to know#anyway it has been a heartwrenching and soul draining Lent and past six months or more and i was ready to cry#and so i did. bawled like a baby after certain readings and songs. cried and cried and cried#re: reasons for that concerning the ex boyfriend: it is SO weird and i dont know how to deal with it#like. i still have so much love that it feels like grief and the grief bleeds into that love too#but that love isnt for HIM anymore or at least not the person i found he was. so now it really does have nowhere to go#ANYHOW IT'S LATE BUT THE POINT IS. HE IS RISEN AND THERE ARE MORE IMPORTANT THINGS#THAN SEEING YOUR EX BOYFRIEND AT CHURCH AND BEING LIKE ?????? HUH????????
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look this will be extremely 2016-core of me to say but. 16 year old me would genuinely cry if she saw dan and phil announcing their gaming channel is back with a video featuring jacksepticeye
#i know their gaming channel was still active in 2016 BUT DO U GET MY POINT????#im ngl i do not keep up with these guys anymore the last time i actually try to keep up was when they came out#and then i started to not enjoy their recent videos :( so i stopped#hopefully i have enough cringe living inside of me so that i can still watch their gaming videos :3#once again im ngl even if i dont keep up w these guys anymore they still mean so much to me tbh like.......#it's s hard to explain#above all else; they literally taught me english!!! 😭😭 not even kidding!!!!!#i remember i started watching their videos while i still couldnt really understand english that much sdhfbdfh especially not spoken english#WITH accents mind u#and im 100% serious the moment i realized 'HOLY SHIT i can actually understand spoken english to a good extent rn????'#i was literally watching a dnp video at that exact moment#so yeah dnp literally taught me english. this is only one of the reasons why i care abt them deeply still#let's not get into the more emotional reasons#anyway another thing is sean was THE reason i got into gaming im not even kidding 😭#i just realized i was so fucking real in middle school. a non-english speaker whose fave youtubers are#3 english-speaking dudes with Hard Accents. hell yeah#i need this exact energy with german rn#anywayyyyy i was also gonna say something else sbhsdbfdbfs im sorry for rambling but#everytime i open up sims 4 my thoughts are always related to dnp gaming channel fr#🗒#sorry to be cringe or whatever btw#dnp
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#/#//#///#////#VERY SUGGESTIVE IN TAGS#IF U SEE THIS NO U DIDNT#okay first how are u guys ☺️ i drew lion and boar peppi and have come to the conclusion that i love boar peppi so thats his fursonya now#ill post them tomorrow bc i hate posting shit so late in the evening for me#second#i LITERALLY cannot find this person in my activity anymore but there is someone out there w a pfp of peppino w a leather harness#and it makes me SO insane it is literally perfect#and theres someone else who drew pep w like a collar but like#i only see this stuff in passing bc my activity is such a blur now#anyway it makes me think of making a private twitter for kink stuff bc i want to draw it so bad#and i dont feel like fighting w tumblr and their pussyfoot response to spicy stuff on their platform#for now i still treat it as a shadowbannable offense 😭#ANYWAY#for the LONGEST time i have wanted to draw or write him getting edged bc i think that shit is so cute#denial not so much#ive already written a little snippet for myself which i will never post#but like drawing it would make me 😊#ill see how i feel about it#i just think. he was like made in a lab just for people like me fr#short fat whimpering bear; the wombo combo#also forgive me i feel like i am incredibly late to the train#my friend said he couldnt even look on twitter wo seeing this mans dick on his tl#and im like. we must be existing on two separate planes of the internet bc i see none of this#but twitter is scary and very uh. tame. and boring. and vanilla. so i dunno if i would like it…oh well.#okay im at tag limit mwah if u saw this no u didnt#dont look at the tag fillers clogging it up i just like putting them there 💖
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the fucking rat is back in our flat 😭
#it busted thru a duct taped corner and tried (failed) to steal 2 packs of instant noodles lmao#rats sicken me so much i haaaate the idea of it being in here. please let it fuck off forever and die 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#played a bit more elden ring this evening tho.. ive left mountaintop of giants for now bc im not strong enough for it yet </3#that fucking death rite bird kicked my ass so bad. ik its an optional boss but i think its also a sign i need to level up some more#did a couple dragon fights i missed before in caelid + now im doing dungeaters quest cuz i just found subterranean shunning grounds#crazy how there are so many entire areas i just completely missed like damn its a maze down there. i still havent explored it all#at least the rat in our flat isnt like the elden ring ones ajkhdkdbf#weird coincidence that it decided to come back now bc last time it was in our flat was when i was last trialling meds#then they got put on hold for a few months and suddenly now the shortage is over the rat is also back.... it makes me feel a bit crazy#well. i dont wanna think abt it anymore its making me feel a bit ill ngl..#howwww is it only tuesday 💔#anyway.... work tomorrow sigh. goodnight every1#.diaries
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i know it has been a while but i hv to let this out—my gosh im not ready for this pain jusq why naman kailangan mamatay yung grandpa sa story tapos bAkeht kaya talagang binasa ko pa every detail nung struggle sa ospital like?¿?¿?¿ why am i putting myself through this pain?¿?¿¿
#it's just all too familiar my gawd#im bawlin' my eyes out u gOise#my mind kept coming back to my days with gramps in the hospital and all the days leading to his death#ang sakeht pota#😭😭😭😭😭😭😭#i dont talk abt this that much anymore but honestly his passing is still so fresh to me#sometimes there is a split second in my brain na nalilimutan kong he is dead na like sasabihin ko#hmmm i miss gramps perhaps i should sched a visit sa house niya tapos iniimagine ko na na maaabutan ko#siya sa office table niya with all his files and pc and typewriter bc he was a lawyer—a great lawyer#and then theres just a voice in my head na magsasabing hey ains i think u forgot abt the part na he is dead na#like?¿?¿?¿??¿?¿?¿???? BAKEHT GANITEZ#ang strange kasi im vvv familiar with grief naman like i grew up with it pero until now im just sooooo ugh w it at times ykwim#ang taxing kasi basta ewan#need ko lang ilabas talaga kasi ang sikip na ng dibdib ko hayup#ay tapos i cant keep my mind off sa time na i had a flight to el nido tapos i was in my room sa maternal side of my fam#i was begging big g to not take gramps while i was away bc i dont think i will be able to carry myself well#so yung werq trip ko na yun sa el nido i was just completely zoning out at times#nag-iinterview ako tapos sobrang lutang i dont even know paano ko naitawid talking to the french chef huhuhuhuhu#okie enough na kasi iiyak lang ako nang iiyak nanaman#mwAps#hello how hv u guys been#sobra busy kaloka#sa ig kasi talaga ako nagdadaldal na hahahahahhahahahaha#kaya wala ako here matagal#bat may pag explain lol cnu ka ba CHARENG AHAHAHHAHAHA#donut
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I feel so fucking feral over any podium with ticker tape, THE PICTURES ARE SOOOOOO GOOD!!! And like...they shoot the ticker tape during the champagne...so it sticks to everything and everyone 🫠😵💫
#i turn into such a carfucker over any pictures where the ticker tape is sticking to the cars#brazil.....best podium ever...#its so funny bcs all my phone backgrounds are Seb rn but then theres one thats just the tire marbles covered in ticker tape 😭#but idk i was looking at pics from germany 2012 where they have golden tape#WHICH LOOKS SO FUCKING GOOD#but the way its sticking to their skin and racesuits i feel so unwell#yeah sorry this is so weird i just think its so incredibly visually appealing#itd be fun to make one of those 'details' post and its just tape sticking to different things#theres these pics from some ROC where Seb has golden tape stuck on his cheek ITS JUST SO PRETTYYYYYYY#i wonder why they do it at certain gps#and god im so sad im thinking like oh i wonder if they still do it at the german gp BUT THERE IS NO GERMAN GP ANYMORE 😭#bur i think they do it at hmmmm#Australia/Brazil/Hungary/Miami etc I'm not sure which else since i dont pay as much attention to podiuks atm LMAO#but yeah idk i just feel sooooo deranged and feral about it#i think the race i have the most pics downloaded from is brazil 2010 for obvious reasons 🤭#that is probably one of my fav podiums ever top 3 probably#ALSO ALSO#theres these fucking magnificent pictures from RBR in milton keynes after their 2011 championship#and there's red white and blue ticker tape AND SEB IS WEARING MY FAV HELMET OF HIS!!! THOSE PICS ARE PERFECT!!!!!#if i wasn't committed to having a shippy pic as my of those would def be up there#anyways seriously going thru it(being obsessed over a minute thing)#catie.rambling.txt
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agh fuck i need to apply to an internship😭
#i hateeee doing bureocratic shit id rather die tbh#im not gonna get it but if i did (which im not lol) i would be getting payed which isnt as bad as it could be#its only like one week tho but its still something#plus something i could theoretically add to my cv#WHICH BTW I NEED TO SEND IN FOR THAT#but like. the internship is agronomy-related and it tells you you need to put things related to that that youve done#and ive done. nothing lmao???? like my agronomy work is 'i have a vegetable garden i sometimes take care of'#and 'my grandfather was a farmer' like that is... nothing#also this job consists of being at an info stall for an agronomy conference thing. so you dont actually need /that/ much agronomy knowledge#i think??? idk😭my mom told me she would help me make my cv but shes sick and i dont wanna ask her. plus im also not feeling too well myself#but also its one of if not the biggest agronomy fairs in spain and ive never gone so it would be rly cool to go#bc a lot of farmer ppl and their families get to go bc they know someone who sells tickets to go. but me... well lmao if my dad [redacted]#then maybe. but not anymore so this is one of my only chances of going lol#but anyways like the only qualifications i can put on my cv is: studies agronomy. has worked at [redacted] student dorm. and that is#not qualification worthy. also the grades count and... i have shit graaaadeeessssss god i hate this#z xarre
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"#AND IF I SAID I GOT UP AND PACED MY KITCHEN FOR LIKE TEN MINUTESVLKAJVL" <- MANY HAVE REPORTED THIS.
The mods are kind of amusing to me because at least one is loosely inspired by my art (this one), yet I Cannot Stand the modder who was the first to do it and whom I know for a fact based his mod on my art lmao
I was thinking of Y7Jo with eyeliner this morning too! Because for RGGJo, he has intense dark circles to begin with, and the upward swoop at the ends of his eyes can't be replicated in 3D without makeup. So eyeliner--siren eyes like Tsutsumi's on that cover especially--really helps maintain the drama.
I think Y7Jo should be allowed to be DRAMATIC. I think Y7Jo should be allowed to be PRETTY. Therefore I approve. Because Masato must get the Emo Gene from somewhere, right... and much like with Dead Souls Daigo, Arakawa can help, surely...
OH BUT THAT ART’S SO NICE THOUGH HOLD ON the hatching and colors are so so gorgeous and i love the texture of the hair- nevermindthe snakeskin detail on his lapels... obsessed actually
youre right on dramatic Y7jo tho- i think masato has the right to two Dramatic dads, its only fair..
#snap chats#TRAGIC about one of the moddera being someone you dont like tho thats gotta suck 😭😭#reminding myself to scavenge through your blog later for your art if youve posted anymore cause your styles SO nice and beautiful..#oh but pivoting on Nice And Beautiful this topics gonna end up remindig me of old comics and old ideas ive done/had#still crying at the visual of the arakawa family like you have three goth/dark-apparel dramatic blokes and then. Ichi.#im on a walk rn i cant put all my thoughts together BUT I AM HAVING THEM#there are connections to be made here its like a cork board in my head#i wonder if jo ever asked arakawa about his stageplay days... can we get a segway into arakawa doing light makeup for him then....#MUCH to think about on my walk.....
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i dont wanna go thro this week can i just skip to saturday pls
#im having so much anxiety abt this diwali event ik im gonna be miserable the entire 2 hrs im there#and then having to deal w holiday season at work....#luckily i dont work at like a real cafe but its still not fun luv </3#my motivation for surviving this week was going to the club but i dont even have that anymore 😭#i also need to remind my boss abt working full time#apparently her boss is like creating a new job for me specifically and im like cool...when is it gonna happen?#dont rlly wanna work full time but at the same time i need to move out my dad is testing my patience so bad these days#vinnie talks
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ok i didn't share this back then because it was really embarrassing, but now that i have some distance i'll just expose myself 😊
#i truly barely studied during those days#me going 'why have i made so little progress w my thesis its been like 3 months'#because my first 2 months were like this 😭#idk what i did in august thats a whole month that is blank to me#and i know for a fact that i finished the webnovel TL at the very last days of july#and it was still so bad after A MONTH???#august disappeared fr#i miss the manic intensity but also im glad i dont post abt tesilid as much anymore because i have things to be doing 😭😭#god i wish i could just brainrot fulltime
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thinking abt how fast and hard I've fallen for hook is making me kinda emotional ngl
#its just#ive always liked him as a character and thought he was cute but it never really croased my mind to ship with him#but when it did its like something just clicked idk ;-; dont make fun of me i am being vunerable#my whole relationship with him feels like a really slow burn mutual pining fic that when we eventually get together its like#'oh my god!!!! it was you the whole time!!!!' for both of us#bees self ships#fuck off I love him 😭#self shipping#self ship#f/o gush#captain hook#sometimes I feel kinda guilty tho bc like i have all these other f/os that I hardly pay attention to anymore#ik they arent real but still#I still love all of them! its just weird bc I havent thought abt a fictional character this much since cedric#and i thought abt him a l o t#like#like I had a problem#and now I have another one
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Afsgsgsg I started donating to charities both to help people bc I can (I check em on that website to make sure my money is actually helping people) and to get address labels and cards and shit bc my mom gets so many and I was like 👀
Well be careful what you wish for when you have no one to send mail to and now have a gazillion cards and address labels 😭
#it's not actually a problem agsgdgdg i just think it's funny like oh yes give me all the labels! this is great! oh no... oh no what have i#done... and even if you stop sending money regularly they still send you shit after a certain donation threshold (i think at $50 or $100#over a couple months donations is when i got stuff)#and you can opt in to let them send your info to other charities and im greedy so i said yes and now i have a gazillion labels pads of#paper and cards 😭 i got a t-shirt once from a charity i refuse to donate to shdhdhd they were like GIVE US $15 AND WE'LL SEND YOU#ANOTHER SHIRT! and another mailer from them was like $15 and we'll give you a hat agdggdgdgdggd#my aunt had so much of this shit it was hilarious bc she donated a lot of money to different charities over decades of time#and she had like a box full of them along with wrapping paper sheets and shitty bags they send a couple blankets too agdgdgdg#imo the coolest was the long pad of post it notes pbs sent me :D i was like holy shit this rules shdhdhdg#funny that when i finally get address labels and shit i have no one to send mail to bc they either passed away or i dont talk to them#anymore. like in high school my friend and i would mail back and forth the same card and add to it every time agdggdgd it was so fun#anyway it feels nice to be able to budget in some money for charities every month or whenever i remember to mail em#feels like im helping bit by bit#also i really just like getting mail lol#marquilla
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