#i still feel bad for leaving it unfinished but im kind of glad im not invested enough anymore to feel bad about mlb

[miracul0us-multishipper]

Could I Write a Fic based off of the Marillion AU?

I really like it.

sure go nuts!!!

[monoxiid]

can i request for first date headcanons for any blue lock boys of your choice 🥺 im so glad more people wanna write for it

of course, honey! ^^ ❤️ it's true that blue lock content is rare 😔— anyway, thankchu for requesting! hope u like the characters i chose :›

⋮☰ ┋ 𝐓𝐈𝐓𝐋𝐄 𝐎𝐅 𝐓𝐇𝐄 𝐁𝐎𝐎𝐊 : headcanons about the first date of some blue lock characters ⌕

⋮☰ ┋ 𝐌𝐀𝐈𝐍 𝐂𝐇𝐀𝐑𝐀𝐂𝐓𝐄𝐑𝐒 : Bachira Meguru、Nagi Seishiro ⌕

⋮☰ ┋ 𝐓𝐇𝐄̀𝐌𝐄 : fluff ⌕

⋮☰ ┋ 𝐖𝐀𝐑𝐍𝐈𝐍𝐆 : probably a lot of mistakes of all kinds, lightness of content? ⌕

(well, help me to find an appropriate aesthetic-)

⠀⠀‘ ℬ𝒶𝒸𝒽𝒾𝓇𝒶 ℳℯℊ𝓊𝓇𝓊 ’ :

┃Meguru will be so excited!! You'll probably be his first girlfriend because of ... you know, his somewhat complicated childhood. Obviously, to be his partner, you would surely be someone who accepts him despite his faults, and who recognizes his qualities. He will be infinitely grateful to you for that, and the first way to show it to you will be to take you to its favorite places in the city!

┃The dark haired boy is an energetic person, naturally he will push you to be the same, pulling you out as soon as he can. He will introduce you to his friends -especially Isagi- with this proud smile on the lips. Meguru feels happy to have a girlfriend to take care of, to play video games with, but also to show off his football skills!

┃Yes, a lot of football dates. He won't hesitate to tell you if he thinks you're not good with a ball, thanks to his honest self, but it is with patience and pleasure that he will teach you how to play.

❛❛ And this is another goal from the striker Bachira Megury, what a man!!!

—I leave.

— (y/n) no—! ❜❜

┃He will not show the same enthusiasm to follow you in your own activities, but to thank you for agreeing to stay with him, he will stay with you as well. He will try as much as he can to be curious, to ask questions and to be interested in what you do, your hobbies ...

┃For an artistic s / o, he will obviously be titillated, his mother does art and it is sure that Bachira is no less creative than her. I can see him accompanying you in your painting sessions, or posing as a model for one of your drawings -not too long, though, he's a teenager who likes to move.

┃For someone as athletic as him, he will be equally happy. He will absolutely learn to play the sport you practice, go to your performances, matches etc ... and watch your training, the first to cheer you on without shame! If it's something like dancing, he'll totally be the type to carry you and turn with you in his arms.

❛❛ You see? I do the same as you!

— Ahah, you should think about converting to a dancer, then!

— I don't think that's a good idea ... Wait a minute!

— I was jok—! ❜❜

┃If you do things like team sport, he'll be more in his comfort zone, and learn to do like you faster! He will get to know your team, play with you, learn the rules...No matter what sport you play, he will act the same, with interest, because you are his girlfriend and he want to be there for you, with you.

┃If you don't even play sports, or you don't really do activities that he will be comfortable with, then maybe even better! It will be an opportunity for both of you to discover new things together and to test new experiences, without one to teach the other, just the two of you at the same level. It seems funny, isn't it?

┃The first date will probably be chaotic, Meguru will take you to any place that crosses his mind, and leave the unfinished behind, but all he wants is for you to familiarize yourself with his world, and to familiarize himself with yours.

⠀⠀‘ 𝒩𝒶ℊ𝒾 𝒮ℯ𝒾𝓈𝒽𝒾𝓇ℴ ’ :

┃👏date👏inside 👏

┃For the first time, it will be really simple, probably Seishiro pulling you into his house after school. And cuddles, that's all. Not even video games, not even televisions, screens, chatting, just the two of you cuddling on his bed. And always a nap that could take time.

┃Take advantage of Reo's money? Take advantage of Reo's money. But only sometimes, because Nagi is never for expensive and luxurious things. He prefers sofa to caviar, logical coming from someone like him.

┃But, being a soccer fan, it makes sense that if you ask him, he won't refuse to come out to shoot the ball a bit. He's not going to take it easy with you, though. If he's easier to block, it's only because of his incredible laziness, sorry.

┃As for your hobbies, he will only be interested if you mention them, he will not join you -or rarely- but will accept with pleasure to watch you. You are his girlfriend, he will make exceptions.

┃But the majority of the time, your dates will consist of you finding yourself on the couch, arms in each other, on your phones, talking to each other, even if it can end in a monologue. He's not very talkative, but absolutely loves it when you're having a conversation on your own without necessarily responding. He could listen to your voice for hours, and even fall asleep more easily with it.

┃If you like video games, he will be happy to play with you. He could be a bad player if you win, but he still enjoys these common moments that you both have. Obviously, he will be the first to taunt you if you win.

❛❛Oh, I won again. Strange, I thought you were the best at this game, (y / n) ...

—Sh-shut up! I'll take back control!!

— Ahah, of course, darling. ❜❜

┃He doesn't care that you don't want to go out, he will always agree with you on this point but sometimes he doubts himself and thinks that you would have had enough of him, who never takes you in places as fancy as Reo could, so sometimes he'll invite you to a restaurant. But it's not hard to see that he's not in his element, and you should quickly figure out what's going on. Seishiro will be relieved to hear you say that you don't care about the superfluous, that what you love is to be with him, no matter where you are.

❛❛ Oh my god, you are so sweet. I dunno what to say. ❜❜

[chubb-e-cheese]

okay so I started writing this without like thinking this might potentially be disturbing so like pls feel free to delete if like stories with death + human remains are a no go. last November i got invited over to a neighbors house to have dinner and smoke w her and her husband. they are former oddities dealers, their house is full of like massive taxidermy and antique collections, you walk in and the room is covered floor to ceiling, punctuated by a fireplace with a 4ft buddha head blocking it. There is a human ribcage on display in the corner, and this is where the house tour starts. I don't remember every single thing off the top of my head, but on the mantel Specifically was a taxidermy dolphin penis, various crime scene photos, and a taxidermied fetus with it's head replaced with a baby doll's (apparently the body got passed to them after another oddities dealer just. kept the head. and she said it didn't feel right to leave it headless so she made it one herself, which is like fair I guess.) I take a photo of the baby for posterity, because that's insane, it's the only photo I manage to get the rest of the night. They have a pug named Lola who they trained to play a little toy piano whenever she has to go outside, the dog also chooses what shirts she wants to wear out of their laundry every morning. Lola likes me very much.

Along another wall I notice a displayed preserved hand in some sort of orb (didn't touch, don't know what, looked like glass?) and was like "hey that's really cool how do you even get something like that." Her husband asks if I want to see the hand bucket. What the fuck is the hand bucket. I say yes and don't ask him to elaborate.

We head down a very cramped and shoddy set of stairs to their basement, where the woman passes me some disposable gloves and the husband drags this huge Tupperware tub from under an old desk. in the meantime, she shows the "very illegal" tortoise taxidermy they have. I'm not a snitch, but I feel concerned that she offers that info up so easily to someone she'd met exactly twice ever. We get into *why* they're illegal and then the husband is like OK WE'RE GOOD CHECK THIS OUT and I turn back to him and there is 5 (where is the 6th??) whole severed human hands in that tupperware tub. dope. the horror I should probably feel is replaced by scientific curiosity and the need to pick one up and ask for a high five. they are ELATED and remark that im the first person who didn't ask where they got them. I tell them my mom taught me not to look a bucket hand in the palm. they explain that another buddy of theirs works at a body farm for a med school, and he offered to give these preserved leftovers to the couple. Glad to know they're ethically sourced. I tell them so and we keep talking, I'm holding two at a time by the wrist and start absentmindedly gesticulating with them while I talk, this makes them lose their shit like it's the funniest thing they've ever seen. I get embarrassed and hide my face in the hands. Basement tour ensues, they insist I take home a big ass oil painting from the early 20th century to improve (hell yes). I don't get to take a hand home because I didn't ask.

We go back upstairs sans hands and continue looking at the rest of the tiny house; the kitchen and living are pretty normal, I learn that her husband plays upright bass and has a fish sock collection. their bedroom was fucking insane. you walk in and there is this giant, ornate, obviously extremely expensive carved wooden bedframe WITH A TAXIDERMY CANADIAN GOOSE HANGING OVER THE BED LIKE A BABY MOBILE IN ATTACK POSTURE. above the bed is a large still life oil painting, which she moves to reveal an erotic oil painting of a naked lady underneath. Love that.

The room is divided into two distinctly polar opposite halves - her's on the right and her husband's on the left. His side is like creepily organized and lined head to toe with an extensive record and CD collection. Her side actively has multiple lemon trees growing despite the lack of windows and kind of looked like an explosion, unfinished taxidermy pieces and fabric and books. There is a melting wax model of a person in the corner that smells bad, which they start bickering about a little bit in front of me. I'm honestly just impressed.

The wall by the door, facing the bed houses a glass cabinet with another human skeleton inside - mainly a ribcage that shows extensive damage caused by corsets which was also actually really cool, another giant taxidermy bird perched stop it (I don't remember exactly but I think it was an egret?? had a weird beak). He tells me this bird is also very illegal to own and makes a remark that, if they ever wind up having to move, they're probably just going to burn their whole house down so they don't risk getting caught with all this stuff. I don't remember what I said to that, but quite possibly nothing.

With the house tour complete, we order pizza and smoke and I don't really remember much after that, it was stronger stuff than I'm used to so I kind of just honed in on whatever show they decided to marathon. When it got too late, her husband insisted on driving me home with the painting to make sure I got back safe, even when I assured him I could make the trek home just fine, it was like two blocks at most. I think it was pretty sweet for them to actually worry about that kind of thing in spite of the other "we are totally going to crazy murder you" signals. I might try and visit again now that vaccines are rolling out. Also thank u for reading

I genuinely don’t know what to say. Also how is it the only time you said the word creepy was regarding the husbands organized side of the room lmao

[dead-lesbians]

Unfinished Thingy i wrote

It was the year two thousand and ....something...

Things hadn’t been the same after the ‘almighty’ Red Leader, took over most of Europe.

Most people had been recruited if they could pick up a gun and run, the only people left behind where the ones who simply where ‘not in the right mind set to kill’ as Red had put it, and children, so he had some what of a heart.

Of course, there where people who went into hiding, either for fear of being killed or being recruited.

Eduardo was a case of the latter. He could remember the day when Red Leader had first taken over like the back of his hand.

He had been at the gaveyard his previous roommate ,Jon, had been buried. Hed vist there alot, eachtime leaving something, usually it would be a si gle flower, however sometimes he had left a not or two there, he was sure Jon wouldn’t obviously read them, but it still made him feel a little less guilty about what he had said to the smaller housemate that day.

He only realised something was wrong after he heard the screaming. Hed gotten up quickly and hurried out the graveyard to see people running and screaming, being chased by people in uniform.

It was honestly a terrifying sight, even for the American.

He gulped and could remember sprinting home through small allies and streets, not wanting to be caught.

Of course when he did get home, it was an even worse sight than he had originally seen, his own girlfriend, Laurel, being dragged out forcefully by these men to this black truck,.

Laurel obviously was putting up a fight, she had never been the type to just give in.

Eduardo watched from a distance, hidden. He needed to fo something, to help her, but he had been frozen in shock and fear, he only snapped out of it once the truck had driven away once throawing her in.

Eduardo had to force himself not to breakdown there and then and sprinted into the house. It was unusually silent.

Mark and Eduardo had never really left the house after Jon had died, they couldn’t, especially to Eduardo, it felt like they would just be leaving the younger of the three behind, so they just repaired and stayed in the house, Eduardos girlfriend moving in with them.

Eduardo looked around, keeping his mouth closed in case any of the men where still around, that was untill he felt something hit the back of his head.

Thats when the rest of the days memories of that day kinda stopped, mainly cause his room mate, in a panic, had knocked the other out cold with a brook stick.

Ever since then, the two had been traveling around, trying to find resources and stay hidden from red army soldiers.

Thats how it had been for almost half a year when one night something was...wrong.

The two had set up camp in an abandoned house like usual and slept there for the night.

However around 1am, Eduardo was rudely woken up by someone muttering something. Hed originally thought it was mark and tried to get back to sleep, until he realised that his blonde room mate didnt sound this deep and raspy.

Eduardo gulped and lay perfectly still in shock. Oh god oh fuck what if it was one of the red army soilders, what if they where found what if-

“Eduardo? “

....they knew his name?...that was...strange...red army soilders where not allowed to say names, it was some stupid rule about ‘emotional connections’...of course Eduardo didnt know this, he just knew hed never heard any of them say his name before when they had been spotted.

The american gulped and slowly sat up, looking over at the stanger who was incredibly hard to see in the dark, and also hard to see cause this stranger had a flash light whining right into his eyes,

“Ow- shit, dont shine that in my face!” He shouted, covering his face,

“O-oh right! Sorry-“ the person laughed nervously and the light wasout down, yet still on, giving Eduardo the light he needed to see the strangers face.

It was..kind of a shock to see his ex neighbor crouching there in front of him, bags under his eyes from countless sleepless nights and unshaven messy stuble which probably would enevr grow into a proper beard.

“Edd..?” Eduardo said quietly, still pretty tired.

The stranger, except not really a stranger, nodded with a small smile. “My god, for once im glad to actually see you” he let out a tired chuckle and sat down. “Wait- are you gonna kill me? Please say you are not gonna kill me,everybody wants to kill me”

Eduardo shook his head. “We wont...we wont kill you” he reassured with a yawn.

“We?” Edd tilted his head a bit down at the much smaller male....damn...Edd had grown A LOT.

“Yeah, we, me and...” he looked over at where his blonde friend should be yet saw nothing. “...mark?”

Edd looked over at the blondes make shift bed and was wuiet for a moment before speaking up. “I think i saw him sneak out with a bunch of suppiles, i came in here cause he seemed to only be carrying what he could in his arms, so I thought there might be things left, though...it looks like he took nearly everything..”

Eduardo looked around, seeing that the brot was in fact right, only his bad, which looked alot less full, his and marks make shift bed, and his crowbar ,which he had been using as a weapon, was left.

“....what the fuck...?” He muttered, racking a hand through his hair, suddenly feeling a pit in his stomach

[uberoll-oystercrackers]

assortment of thoughts i guess?

i fixate pretty heavily on the neuroses present(ly hinted at...) in the characters Lars and Sadie. their anxieties and insecurities are very interesting to me (mooostly bc they are very Relatable). i spend a fair amount of time considering where these social inhibitors started w/ them. of course ppl dont have to survive trauma to be mentally ill, or to have low self esteem... but on the other hand, isn’t surviving low self esteem and poor self image after years and years sort of an elongated microtrauma in itself..? hm idk, should educate myself on that. but we can at least confidently deduce that both charas have been dealing with it since they were quite young (Lars fighting with Ronaldo over how he would be presented in the flashback of Horror Club, Sadie explaining that every new thing she’s been interested in became a chore of a bad memory from her mother’s [well intentioned, but ultimately harmful] over enthusiasm. i at least can imagine that starting and stopping so many interests would leave her with some modicum of guilt, a sense of leaving things unfinished or letting ppl down by not living up to the potential being projected on her) in Sadie’s Song.

personally, my anxiety, depression, and all the other fun flavors i’ve got, were undoubtedly caused by trauma. at bare minimum, the bulk of my disorders were anyway. so while, as i’ve mentioned, perhaps nothing especially traumatic happened to these charas................... some bad shit still def could’ve went down. and uh i cant help but consider those avenues so.

as a fat person who was always a fat kid, when season 1 of SU was airing originally, i always shared a lot of the rejection feelings Sadie would have. if this happened to her on screen, i could reeeeally feel it. i was always worried that it was her size and shape that othered her amongst her peers in Beach City, as she’s polite and helpful enough to get along with most of the town otherwise. when she mentioned to Lars that she knows he doesn’t want to be seen in public with her, i read that as her internalizing not only her “uncool”ness but also her low position within social capital as a young fat woman. her intentional focus on Lars spending time with Jenny, when Lars was hanging out with the Cool Kids as a whole (”After all I do for you, you LIE to me? So you can sneak off with some other girl?!”) was particularly telling. Jenny is taller, thinner, and arguably “curvier” (altho admittedly it feels gross to talk about her like this???)... she’s also undeniably better at a particular way of socializing. The intersections of fatphobia and misogyny seem to be some of the biggest drivers for Sadie’s anxieties/insecurities wrt Lars. This also makes sense bc... remember how Lars talks about women and girls in season one? He was a little spicy, a little raunchy, a little grody about it. Def not a scumfuck or anything but, ya kno, dumb dude shit. Any pre-existing insecurities would def multiply or at least complicate when hearing that from the person who is arguably ur best friend and ur not-so-secret crush.

as an aside here whewwwwww im so glad Sadie and Jenny are becoming friends in current canon it melts my heart <3

so with Sadie at least i s’pose my inferences are relatively safe and simple. Lars is a lot harder to pin down.

im not gonna go too much into this at all bc i am le tired but trans Lars (whether Lars would ID as a woman, a man, or non-binary [they’re all great imo]) headcanons deeeefinitely strike a chord (im an nb person myself so lol).

but also like... did Lars always live in Beach City? His parents don’t have accents like the elders (Kofi and Nanefua) of the Pizza family (who Crewniverse have confirmed the Pizzas are a Ghanaian family), so is there an amount of trauma from moving as a very young kid (let’s say 5-ish)? His parents seem to have a great relationship, their house is warm and decorative, and from what we’ve seen of them they love their son immensely. I can’t particularly see his parents fighting with each other, and the way they approached him (when it was actually Steven...) over his poor grades was very patient and kind... it doesn’t seem like they’re abusing him to any extent.

Back on track here... Is there trauma surrounding his ethnicity living in Beach City, which we can argue is still the U.S.? He referred to the ube roll he made as a “weird purple cake”... but he grew up eating it. His ube roll wasn’t weird to him, but he was very worried about it being weird to a bunch of non-Filipino kids he wanted to impress. Where did this anxiety come from? Who ‘taught’ him his culture was weird? Whose racist ass do I need to beat is what I’m getting at.

edit: didnt mean to b so damn obtuse here, of course his parents dont have to have any type of linguistic/verbal indicators. i was trying to get at the fact that one less indicator is one less piece of evidence (usually), so i dont seem like im taking myself too srsly here lol.

i am sure i have more elaborate thoughts on these issues but my brain is flickering out on me so im just gonna let this be a post i guess!

[wannaonescenarios]

rest.

this is going to get kind of long so i’ll try my best to shorten it. 

maybe you have an idea from the title and im pretty sure people have followed me for a while probably saw this coming, but i am most likely leaving this blog. 

i was initially going to compile a document full of my unfinished works and go but i feel like explaining myself because i couldn’t find it in me to leave without saying anything. honestly, i saw it coming and maybe you guys did too. the gaps between when i published my works and empty promises. not only that, but school has been kicking my ass and its probably not a valid excuse lol because other writers produced some vvvv great works while juggling with other activities and im amazed because they are constantly releasing stuff and here i am with constant writers block lol 

with that aside, i just don’t feel the same happiness liked i used too. in the summer, i was so excited with this blog, and every note or reblog i got made me extremely happy. of course, notes and reblogs don’t mean much to me but i can’t help but get happy when i see people like my work. but now, i guess, its not the same. 

now, i write whenever and i force myself too. i feel bad that i have all these requests in my inbox and i force myself to write because it’s just going to sit there and never be written lol. but posting something that i forced myself to write only makes me dislike writing even more if that makes sense haha.

and,,,another thing it has to do with this is mental health wise lol. this year started out great but it slowly went downhill and even now, i still find myself unhappy because of what is happening around me. i don’t know when ill get out of this, but i hope its soon. 

i don’t know if i’ll comeback, maybe in a few months ill come back and be like ‘’siKEEE you thought you’ve seen the last of me’’ but honestly,,i don’t see myself doing that. but if i do, i guess it won’t be on here.

anyways, ik i have lots of stuff unfinished so ill probably compile that in a doc and leave it up for view if anyone wants to see what i wrote and if it made it or not lol. but if you’re curious, send me an ask and ill answer anything really. ask me why im leaving. ask me why i lost inspiration idk. ill probably answer most things. 

moving on, feel free to ignore this but i want to address some people before i upload the doc and leave. also,,ill probably add more when my heads clear lol 

@wannaonestars my fave!! the og!!! queenie, i’ll miss you very much. you mean a lot to me and im very glad that i met you!! you make me very happy and even though we don’t talk as much anymore, im so glad to have these memories with you and talked as much as we could. i hope senior year is going okay for you!! you can survive college prep, i believe in you!! also, i love scrolling through our old messages because it brings back all these memories of summer and im just??? crying but it’s totally fine :))) i love you lots, and i hope to read more of your writing hopefully!! 

@singingmyreverie im sorry i never reply,,,you deserve way better than a shitty friend i am lol but im very thankful that i met you and im sosos thankful to have a caring friend like you. you make me happy and really happy!! i love looking back at our convos, and even though we suck at replying to each other lol, im glad that we even managed to talk despite the time gaps lol. thank you for being here. 

@wanna-one-scenarios !!! my fellow girl group stan,,im so sorry i never reply. i love talking to you about gfriend (aka my ult bias group) and im forever thankful that we managed to talk even though i suck at replying lol im so glad to find someone who loves girl groups as much as i do, and ill never forget your tinder profile ‘rowley’ smh !!!!!1!!1 i still have your wanna one album,, that i’ll one day send LOL

@jjeehoon my man,, i never reply to you and im so sorry. even tho you ‘stan’ seongwoo, we all know u stan jihoon smh!!! i love when you talk to me about hello counselor bc thats my fav show!! and i never watched that one w daniel im so sorry,,but maybe one day!!  also, im still looking forward with that witch au,,you better pull through LOL but thank you,,, an og!! im so glad to have talked to you and im so glad to see your account grow to what it is today. 

@imagineproduce101 carina,,,i’ll miss you lots. and ik we don’t really talk at all lol but im super glad to meet you through the gc!! i get so happy seeing your blog grow to what it is today. i remember reading your oneshots like that woojin one about prom and asking for help in the gc nffknk i also remember contacting you outside the gc because i was so shy jnfsdfjnf and im just super happy to see how far you’ve grown,,with tons of followers now?? like wtf u go carina,,,im sososo proud of you!! even though we don’t talk at all, i’ll be supporting you!! thank you for giving me help when i need it, and i hope you’re super successful from now on!!

@onlyjihoons !!! zelia!! a cutie!!! im so glad to have write you,, and i’ve always meant to reply but i feel like its too late,, i hope it is TT but thank for!! i’ll really miss reading your writings and im super glad to have met you!! i remember when you told me when you went to a w1 fanmeeting and im still smiling remembering that. thank you for bringing so much happiness and hopefully it isn’t too late to reply to your kk message,,im such a bad friend TTT thank you agian. 

[jackdragonstreasure]

Lost Light 6 Review

Honestly I felt Terminus was being really shady as soon as he said he thought the guys in the cog ship was enemies. And then I was right to be suspecting it cause he literally robbed Megatrons choice in the end. Like wtf. I understand why don't get me wrong , its just still messed up. I definitely don't believe this is the last time we see the Functionist Universe and tbh I'm glad cause I have so many question on what the hell happened here. And I think this became an advantage that the ending was really fast because it leaves things kind of unfinished. Omg I actually laughed when Rung died holy hell. It was messed up like wow. Like he knew he was gonna die after he turned into a giant and friggin punch the moon (which I can't get over HE PUNCHED THE MOON). It was nice to see confirmed what I knew about Functionism. Functionism is all about being a slave to you alt mode and to society as tool. What ever your alt mode is defines you and you have no say in that. But Megatron here clarifies it's all about choice that the opposite of Functionism to choose what you wish to do and be regardless of your alt mode and place in society. And omg that friggin ending, oh my god. It took me a few seconds to realize it but Orion of that world called Roller (does this imply that Roller of that world is also alive? From the way it was written it implied that Roller hadn't contacted him before so he's probably dead) All in all for an arc that Roberts said was a bad way to start the comic (he said on Twitter that he didn't realize MTMTE was getting relaunched) and had painted hinself into a narrative corner i feel he also gave himself an excuse to revisit this world. This definetly won't be the last time we see Megatron but I now I want to see how his new Peace through Empathy will work in this world (a dying world that is) The things with Anode I wished happened more later in the comic. I don't like admitting I kind of skipped over her parts. I feel like those moments with her could have been more focused on the possible new crew members for the team. I really wanted to care cause she is an interesting character but she was pretty jammed in there. Also for however uninterested I was in Lug I liked how Roberts builds the world's of transformers. Anode Blacksmithing was really interesting to see having Anode sculpt life like clay was awesome. And Rodimus is kind if losing it here first Getaway and now he thinks Megatron betrayed him too. (Was I the only one who got sad about the fact when Megatron went to the wrong spot and couldn't find them like I know people have not liked the art in this- i think im in the minority that does- but the expressions were pretty spot on) and now Rodimus anger kind of doubled, we already see him lose it by nearly clocking out Functionist!Rung and his reaction when Brainstorm mentioned Megatron. Things are about to get really bad with him before they get better. I really hope this have Roberts finally help develop Rodimus maturity and grow in his place as leader. Something that was seen at the end of season one but got pushed aside by Dark Cybertron(Still very salty about ehat Optimus said to Rodimus holy hell I'll never get over it) and most of season two. The rest of the audience can see the potential is there it just needs to be realized. All in all I would give this arc 7/10. Not the best and pretty jammed but a more solid ending and surprises than I was expecting.

[spac3tr4sh]

Disclaimer: This is about the anxiety developing within my sex life and just a way for me to process everything 

~

There are so many things happening within our relationship that is, undoubtedly, resulting in loads of anxiety for me and my boyfriend. 

My boyfriends sex life started off super early. He had a lot of bad experiences that eventually led him to believe he was really just a “human vibrator”. He used to always joke and say this early on in our relationship, but thinking back I can see him start to get more and more detached from sex. It was a chore. Something he feels obligated to do. 

Me, on the other hand, was very late to the sex game. Confused about myself and overall insecurities led to me exploring my sexuality later than most. I didn’t start having sex until I was 21. I had a few partners between that first time and where I am now, at 24 but all of those people outside of the first person, were one time things. I didn’t actually really get to explore my sexuality until I met my boyfriend. Our relationship began from awkward lust. We actually started off as more of fuck buddies and a relationship developed from that. Sex was basically a tool for us to get to know each other.

Initially, I couldn’t sense any from of detachment. Yeah the sex was awkward in the beginning but we both felt conscious and there. And the more we started to grow and learn each other, the better it became. We were having sex a lot, especially for people who, for a good portion of their relationship didn’t have our own places. We made it work.

With all the being said, for me, sex is extremely important in our relationship. But as of late, we just havent been able to make it work. Because I’m a worrier anyway, right off the bat I blamed myself. Clearly its something im doing wrong. I know my thoughts are irrational so I decided to try to have conversations about our sex life with him but more often than not, it ends with him mad and me crying. 

During one of our initial conversations, he made a lot of statements that were a blow to my self-esteem. He basically said that no ones ever wowed him during sex and its pretty much all been vanilla for him. I was just so shocked because I always ask was he satisfied and p much begged for tips to make certain acts better for him but now I just feel kind meh. So from that, I started over exerting myself more. I started getting on top more, I increased the amount of head I was giving him, I’m even working out so I can be as slim as I was when he met me. But the over exertion has led to me feeling like I’m giving more in this relationship than him. I low-key felt that way to begin with (again stemming from my over thinking) but it all felt so blatant. I was giving him all these things but if I wanted something, it didn’t happen. Last time I got head was probably a month ago. Last time he fingered me, two months ago, and he fell asleep during. 

During one of our more recent conversations, I reluctantly admitted that I felt like at this point, sex is more about him than me, that it starts and ends with him. Theres no four play to prep me, when he cums, thats the end of sex. Sometimes when we do have sex, it happens so fast, I barely start getting off and then its over. And he never extends anything to help me finish. Part of me is understanding, he gets upset when things pan out that way but Im always feeling so unfinished.

During another conversation, he started to open up more about how his past experiences are catching up to him. Sex just isn’t something he’s into doing because of those memories that are coming back. But he also said that I was the longest relationship he’s ever been in and he’s reached a point where he doesn’t feel like he has to have sex with me to keep me around. This made me happy of course. Im glad he trusts me and feels like we reached a certain milestone. And I also, don't want forget to mention, he's been very reassuring about me and my performance over all.

Trying to initiate sex has been extremely hard but I feel like if I don’t, we would just never have sex. He used to initiate sex just as much as me but now, its all on me. I tried to do non-verbal things but he either was “clueless” or after 20 mins of me rubbing his dick, he’d say he’s not in the mood. So instead of going through that awkward hurdle, I decided to lean on just verbally asking. He doesn’t like this too much either. When I asked him he would like it to be initiated, he says he doesn’t know. This last attempt I made caught me off guard tho. I asked him did he think a certain position would be accomplishable. He said yes so I asked him did he want to try it and he just got extremely upset. He said “so thats your way of trying to have sex???” And just kind of went off, mad at me for asking him in such a way and didn’t want me to touch him at all. He ended up apologizing, said he didn’t know why he reacted that way. But still, just meh.

But all in all, I don’t know how to act or feel. On one hand, I feel like really this is all boiling down to dissatisfaction with me. I feel unsatisfied sexually. On another, I feel selfish. Selfish for making this about me. Selfish for having urges to have sex when I know he is truly being affected by traumatic experiences. I feel selfish for wanting and expecting a certain amount of sex when its obvious his sex drive has decreased. But I also know I shouldn’t feel bad that I want sex. But it all just leaves me at an awkward place. I have no plans on leaving my boyfriend, but sex is important to me. I don’t want to be unsatisfied and grow to resent him. I don’t think me having other sex partners will necessarily help our situation nor do I really have the desire to be sexually intimate with others. I in no way want him to feel obligated to fuck me. Literally everything else in our relationship is great but this and its causing problems for me emotionally, physically, and mentally. I don't know what to do but what I got was that there isn't necessarily anything I can do to help. He more than likely needs some professional help but we don't have money for that. So we are stuck.