#unless youre the person who kept copy pasting entire chapters of my writing into their fics

[miracul0us-multishipper]

Could I Write a Fic based off of the Marillion AU?

I really like it.

sure go nuts!!!

[13shapeshifters]

(Ok so this is obviously going to contain huge spoilers for the Raven King) @girlbossfarooqlane , this one goes out to you

When I first listened to the chapter at the end of the book of Cabeswater sacrificing itself to save Gansey, my first thought was that Cabeswater was creating Persephone- was making itself Persephone- to be exchanged for Ganseys life.

It might sound a bit strange in the beginning but hear me out! I have some (good, if i might say so) reasons:

The chapter I'm talking about is chapter 67 of the Raven King. In this chapter we learn quite a few things about Cabeswater, that we know to be true because it’s literally written in its perspective:

Cabeswater is made and remade all the time. It is impossibly old and always young at the same time.

Cabeswater is not quite mortal and can’t sacrifice itself for Gansey, who is quite mortal

The sacrifice has to be a life

Adam/it's magician is the one trying to convince him of saving Gansey, giving it ideas and explaining in what limited way of communication they have

The easiest way of saving Gansey would be to make a copy of him, but Cabeswater knows that that isn’t what the Others would want and Cabeswater is all about making wishes (and not-quite-wishes) come true, so that isn’t what happened

[I would, at this point, like to point out that the way the chapter reads it sounds like Cabeswater is making Gansey new: “But it might be able to refashion him into something new” but that sounds like making a copy of Gansey but since They don’t want a copy of Gansey   Cabeswater shouldn’t be able to do it (see point 5). Although it might be (probably is as far as i understood that scene?) that Cabeswater remade Gansey entirely. As in from the moment he died the first time, the moment Gansey received “a new heart” from the ley-line to save him from certain death by wasps. That moment is the reason why Gansey is a mirror like Blue, the reason why he died the moment Blue kissed him. They kept reflecting power back at each other, stronger each time, and the weaker one had to break.

But if we ignore those two or three sentences I can just continue with my theory I spent too much time on, yknow?]

Cabeswater can’t just kill itself because a) it’s not really mortal (see point 2) and b) it’s all about creation which is- as you might know- pretty much the opposite of murder

Cabeswater mentions that the life-for-a-life sacrifice would only be possible for itself if it created itself a human shape. Let’s go with this. The rest of the chapter is Cabeswater not understanding humans but trying it’s best at creating authentic life

7.1) Cabeswater has no idea how humans are supposed to be

7.2) Cabeswater is going away to create its new life

7.3) Cabeswater keeps coming back to remember what humans are like, which likely results in life that is not quite what it’s supposed to be like but it’s close enough

7.4) It takes Ganseys wonder and regret, his humanity and puts it inside the new life. I will read this as Cabeswater copy and pasting it and not outright stealing it

Cabeswater has a very calming effect on Adam

This is just a collection of facts (with a few of my comments thrown in) so now let’s get to the things we know about Persephone to start connecting them:

Persephone is described as odd due to her youthfulness being side to side with her old wisdom (taken from the Raven Boys Wiki)

She has a concept of right and wrong but it differs very strongly from the “rulebooks” of the Others

Her physical appearance is almost unnatural, especially her eyes. They are described as black, but they turn out to be every color at once. I’m 80% sure that’s biologically not possible

3.1) It could be that her physical appearance is the result of her being a psychic, but she would be the only psychic in the Raven Cycle to have an altered appearance due to her psychic-ness

Maura and Calla meeting was a coincidence (as long as you believe in coincidences, Persephone meeting them was not

Persephone seems to be a sort of mediator of Foxway, she’s pretty much the only calm presence in the books

She taught Adam despite never taking initiative

She dies while scrying

7.1) She can not only see the past, present, future through scrying, she can participate. See: the scene before the discovery of her body in Foxway. She was with Adam one second and the next one she was gone. The cashier said that she was never there. She was projecting herself

So let’s start connecting dots, shall we?

In the chapters just before Cabeswaters chapter the focus lies on Adam and Noah.

Noah's chapter focuses on his life after death and the “time is a circle” theme that has been in every book of the Raven Cycle. Noah goes “back in time” to save Gansey, it turns out he was the one to rescue Gansey, he is the one who started his search for Glendower (which is something I could maybe write another essay on ). So Noah sacrifices his life for Gansey a second time, the first time when he dies, the second time when he moves on.

Adam meanwhile is scrying, getting back his autonomy from the demon. While scrying he sees Persephone, who is dead, and she tells him to take back control. As far as i know (could research) scrying is believed to do three things:

see the past, present and future

give visions coming from the subconscious and imagination

give visions coming from gods, demons and/or spirits

It seems to me that the scrying in the Raven Cycle is based on point 1 since there are multiple occasions where the characters use scrying as a medium to locate the present location of others.

That would not, however, explain the presence of Persephone while scrying.

What Adam is doing can’t be a vision from his subconscious since he is in Cabeswater, he sees how little is left of it.

It could be argued that she too is a projection of Cabeswater, but at that point it’s too weak to do anything, much less create a whole human being while continuously being destroyed.

There is no reason for Persephone to be there, no way for her to be there. Unless she’s part of Cabeswater.

If we start at the beginning (or the end, really) it goes like this: Cabeswater is dying and Gansey saves it. Gansey died and the Others wish for him to be alive again. Cabeswater, being the wish fulfilling forest it is, does everything to do exactly that:

Cabeswater can’t kill itself and a sacrifice would only work if it created itself a human form to inhabit to be sacrificed.

We know that time is not linear, so Cabeswater goes back a few years, and it creates Persephone. It uses up the last of its power to create itself new (always remade, reborn; see facts about Cabeswater point one) and makes itself Persephone.

Persephone is an odd person with eyes that shouldn’t be and who is young yet old and who knows so much about Cabeswater and knows how to help Adam when he is having problems with communicating with Cabeswater.

She takes Adam as an apprentice despite being often described as almost never taking the initiative and as soon as she starts teaching Adam, he stopped having his anger outbursts (See facts about Cabeswater point 8, “Cabeswater has a calming effect on Adam”).

They want Gansey to live so Cabeswater makes itself a person to help his magician help the Others get to the point where they are now (without Adam they would have never gotten to the point of finding Glendower and stopping the demon). So Cabeswater/Persephone gives Adam back his eyes and hands and Adam gives back the idea to trade Cabeswater for Ganseys life in return and Gansey lives. It's a full circle.

But wait! In Facts about Cabeswater point 2 “can’t trade Cabeswaters immortal life for Ganseys mortal one” this theory would be disproven. That's the second purpose of Persephone (the first one being making sure Adam gets to be present for Ganseys death so he can give the idea):

Persephone is the life that gets taken. Her life is the one that gets sacrificed on the leyline so Gansey can live. And one might argue about her dying before Gansey did but I would like to draw attention to two things.

Persephone died while scrying, she went too far out of her own body and never returned.

Adam saw her mere minutes before Gansey died, also while scrying

So Persephone looked into the future and she stayed there, she fulfilled her role as Adams “mentor” and she fulfilled her role as sacrifice for Gansey, giving her soul (not her body) and she never returned to Foxway, dying in the process (see facts about Persephone point 7.1)

This was her purpose, this is her something more that every significant character in the Raven Cycle has.

Obviously Gansey’s quest and sacrifice, Adam’s connection to Cabeswater, Ronan’s dreams.

Noah’s sacrifice for Ganseys life, Neeve’s role in the demon's uprising and end, being the third one in the Maura-Calla party to make it a good number.

Persephone’s something more was to be a sacrifice and she knew it. In that one scene she’s talking to Adam and he asks if she can see her own death and this is her response: “Everyone sees it. Most people make themselves stop looking, though”. She dies in the chapter following this scene, so he knows exactly what she’s doing, that she is going to die and she does it willingly because the Raven Cycle is all about working toward your something more.

Persephone also knows about her origin. She knows about her “connection” to Cabeswater (her being it, really) and it gets “addressed” in the very same scene.

Here a scene:

But Persephone just said in her tiny voice, “But I see now that it could never be. You’re like me. We’re not really like the others.”

Other what? Humans?

[...]

“We’re really better in our own company,” Persephone said. “It makes it hard, sometimes, for others when they can’t understand us.”

^^^The only really “inhuman” thing about Adam is Cabeswater, which implies that Persephone also has a connection to Cabeswater (again, my point here is trying to prove that she is Cabeswater, so that would be the connection) and the talk about not being able to understand them would only prove that further since Adam and Persephones whole relationship started because of communication problems between Cabeswater and Adam.

Here’s the “short” version:

When Gansey died Cabeswater made itself Persephone (with the help of some time warping and circling and stuff) and Persephone/Cabeswater fulfilled her two purposes (it’s just one, really): To make sure that Adam gets to the point of Gansey’s death to share the idea that will save his life and to be the life that is sacrificed.

Her/It’s whole purpose was to give Gansey life and that’s exactly what happened.

[thenakedgingerwrites]

Would You Rather [Chapter 1]

The guys laughed at my addition to game night but were, at minimum, sarcastically supportive to try. The weekly ritual of me and a couple of my friends from work consisted of beer and board games every Thursday.

Matt and Jim both worked on my team, sort of, while John was our boss’s peer. Honestly having John invited to these probably wasn’t the most ‘ethical’ thing but we all genuinely enjoyed each others’ company and all loved games. I didn’t think John’s presence would be an issue and it hadn’t been.

Oh, and me, Kyle.

Sometimes another guy, Robert, came but he was spotty. He worked near us but was usually busy with something or another. Tonight it was just the four of us.

The game I found was from one of my favorite online board game stores and included very little in the box. There was, believe it or not, a DVD for the instructions, some stacks of paper and pencils, what looked to be a scorecard for up to 8 players, and a baggie of different board game pieces (dice, little colored squares, some coins, and other loose garbage). Online it had pretty good reviews and promised to be a unique experience unlike any other.

So after the laughter of the DVD instructions and clear scam I submitted to, we popped over to the living room and put the disc into my xBox. Man was this video old. It looked like a DVD copy of an early 90’s VHS.

A man came on screen and welcomed us to the game of “Would You Rather?” I had personally played a game by the same name where you had to guess what the other players would answer. It was a cute quick game that spawned good conversation. I assumed this would be similar.

As the host went on, I started to feel a little tired. Long day at the office I suppose. I accidentally dropped my head for a second but came too quickly just as he got to the rules of the game.

“Each player should write 2 options on a piece of paper for another player to choose from. That player will then have to choose to do one of the options or lose a point. Each player starts with 3 points and the last player standing is the winner.

Please pause the video now and have each player write a card for each other player. Resume the video once that is complete.”

Matt asked, “So I write one option per paper?”

“No,” John answered. “I think you write both options on a single sheet and then do the same for two other sheets. So you have a ‘would you rather’ question for each person.” “Oh, got it.” Matt looked up to the ceiling and scrunched his face while thinking of his options.

I added a bit of my strategy out loud, “So, I want you guys to pass on these right? That’s how you lose points.”

“Oh, yeah,” Jim confirmed. “I guess they should be pretty hard then.”

“Well that’s pretty easy then, right?” Matt asked. “I’ll just make you get naked.”

“And who said I wouldn’t do that?” Jim joked.

The guys were all straight, to my knowledge. Maybe bi, who knows. Each of them were married though with kids, except Robert who wasn’t here. I myself was gay and I think they knew it but we never really talked about it. The idea of any of them getting naked was kind of hot I had to admit.

Matt was pretty short but proportioned so nicely. I found myself staring at his butt through the week. Jim was like the complete opposite: a walking bear. Probably 6’5” and big all-around. I’d be lying if I didn’t secretly wonder if everything was big. John was the oldest in the group, maybe late 40s, but in great shape for his age. He had started to get some salt in his dark hair the past couple years and it suited him well. I, myself, was pretty average across the board. I kept in shape but mainly due to diet. I only hit the gym a couple times a week at best.

Back to the game.

I scribbled down some would you rathers that were pretty tame; mostly embarrassing stuff even though I would have loved to write out explicit acts. I didn’t want to weird anyone out.

When we had finished writing ours down, we put them face-down in front of us. Matt and Jim had been snickering the entire time. I pressed play on the video to figure out more specifics on the rules.

“Ready to continue and start the game? Good! Don’t turn away and keep watching and listening to me. You may not have known, but you’ve been hypnotized from an earlier part of this video. Sorry about that, but we found it to be a much more exciting game this way.”

What the fuck, I thought. I wanted to turn to see the other guys’ reaction but I couldn’t stop looking at the screen. I couldn’t even speak.

“The game will go as follows. You’ll all put your pieces of paper in a bowl or hat and take turns drawing them until all slips have been taken. Which means it’s possible to get your own card. I hope you weren’t too hard on your fellow players…

Also, there’s no opting out. Tonight is about the thrill of learning what your friends or family really would rather do. Once you read the options, you have to pick one and complete it unless physically impossible.”

What the fuck?!

“The game is over once all cards have been read. That’s it! Two final little adverts before I let you get on with your night. Firstly, once the game is over all you’ll remember is that this game was really fun, so be sure to leave us a good review online. And secondly, while leaving us a good review, check out our other selection of amazing games for your next party.

And with that, this video will finish and you can begin the game. Youngest player goes first and will continue in that order. Have fun!”

Once the video ended I was back to myself but we all exclaimed the same things. What the fuck. What is this shit. Oh my god. Fucking fuckers. Holy fuck. Etcetera.

“Kyle, what the fuck man?! Did you know about this!?” Matt asked.

“No! Honestly! It just had good reviews so I bought it. I had no idea!”

Jim layered on, “and you didn’t think to look over the rules first before you brought us into this shit?”

“You saw me open it up with you guys! Why would I have thought this was a possibility?!”

There was clearly anger in the room. There was very little question in anyone’s mind that it was real because I’m sure everyone had tried to turn away or speak or something during that monologue and none were successful. That’s when a tingling started in my mind, forcing me towards my first move. I knew I was the youngest.

“Fuck.”

“Me too,” John said. “It’s like I’m physically getting pushed back towards the table to play.”

We all tried to fight it but couldn’t and walked back to the table with our slips of paper. I went into the kitchen to grab a popcorn bowl and brought it to the center of the table. We each threw our cards into it and I mixed them around.

“I’m so sorry guys.” Matt had anguish on his face. “I just wanted you all to pass on my cards.”

“Fuck! Same. Shit fuck fuck,” Jim said.

I mixed the cards around and pulled the first one out. It felt like I was playing Russian Roulette. I recognized Jim’s sloppy handwriting instantly and my eyes darted to him.

He just closed his eyes in shame.

“Piss your pants or put hot sauce on your dick.”

“Sorry.” Jim clearly was ashamed but I assumed we would all feel that and many other emotions tonight.

“I.. I get it. No sorries, Jim. I guess… I’d rather piss myself.” I decided to stand, for some reason. It took me like 30 seconds to start since it’s foreign to piss with your clothes still on but was finally able to let loose. The warm liquid filled around my crotch and went down my leg, darkening a path on my jeans as it went. Luckily I had gone before the guys came over but I was still one beer in and had some volume backed up.

“Not what I was hoping to do with my night but better that then getting an infection on my junk or something…” I sat back down.

We all knew each others’ ages, relatively at least, and knew that Jim was next. He scrunched his eyes, clearly not wanting to grab a slip but couldn’t really help himself. He pulled one out and yelled, “Fucking A!”

We were all silently looking at him as he read aloud, “WYR, I assume that means ‘would you rather,’” Shit, I thought. It was one of my cards. “Do a naked hula dance or eat a tub of mayonnaise.”

I think we all wanted to laugh but were all still intimidated by the night to come. I should make it clear that none of us had seen each other in any sort of undress. Matt and I went to the same gym but almost never were there at the same time and never in the locker room together.

“My answer would probably have been different, but I’m hoping the hypnosis was right and no one will remember this tomorrow… Fuck me. I’d rather do the hula fucking dance.”

Oh god! Jim was going to get naked? I honestly expected the mayonnaise, while gross, wasn’t that bad and I only had like a fourth of the container left in my fridge. It was a couple spoonfuls at best. Should I tell him?

The internal debate was immediately thrown away when he reached for the button on his jeans. He slid down his denim and then removed his shirt as well. Standing in front of me in just his boxers I was speechless. He really was bit everywhere. His gut was big and hairy, pecs were massive, shoulders, arms, legs, …bulge. I couldn’t tell too much with his semi-baggy boxers but a second later he shucked them to the ground as well.

Jim stood there covering himself with his hands with another heavy sigh. “Okay, here we go.” He raised both arms and started to do his, admittedly poor, attempt at a Hawaiian hula dance. I was curious why he didn’t keep one hand down to cover himself but perhaps it was this hypnosis shit or maybe he just didn’t think of it. Either way, I got to prove out my theory that he was indeed big everywhere.

Jim had a pretty big bush but even-so his soft cock was quite visible. I would guess 4ish inches soft and quite thick which sprung fantasies into my head about how big he would be hard. I imagined he was a grower and the impressive 4 soft inches would be a thick 8 when excited. I dreamed that I’d get the opportunity to see tonight.

He continued to sway his hips for a minute or so. His cock and hefty balls swinging back and forth as he did. I couldn’t turn away, for obvious reasons, but could tell the other guys were also watching intently. I’m positive they’re straight so I chalked it up again to the hypnosis power. Maybe we had to look? Maybe we had to do a lot of things the announcer didn’t make clear to us? The excitement was constantly rimmed with fear in my mind.

And like that, Jim declared he was finished, and turned around to dress. I got to see his ripe ass as well which was a wonderful, hairy treat.

“Nice moves, Jimbo,” John said with a smile.

“Haha, ass.” Jim said as he finished putting his shirt on. “I figure you guys won’t remember so why not? And I know Matty’s been wanting to see my big ol’ dick for a while now.”

“Shut up, Jim.” Matt wasn’t enthused. Maybe because it was his turn.

Without much ceremony or grandeur he reached in and grabbed a slip of paper and started to curse under his breath. “It’s one of my own damn submissions.”

John said, “Well isn’t that the best? I’d personally rather get all my own so no one else has to do what I wrote.”

“Yeah well John, I’m a fucking asshole who wanted you all to lose.”

It was true that Matt was the most competitive. Maybe it was a size thing, but he was always very competitive in all the games we played even if they were co-op.

“Would you rather suck everyone’s dick or send everyone at work a dick pic?”

“Oh…” John said.

“Yeah. Fuck me ‘oh’.” Matt wasn’t happy at all and I knew why. While our memories would hopefully be wiped clear from the night if he sent out a picture of his dick to everyone at work that would certainly be there tomorrow and would likely result in him getting fired or in the BEST case he’d get a huge warning and everyone would have a picture of his dick.

“At least you won’t remember?” Jim tried to cheer him up.

“Hard to find the silver lining in that with three dicks in my mouth, you dick.”

“Hey, you wrote it you dingus. Don’t get angry at us.”

“Fuuuuuuuck.” I could tell he wasn’t happy and was fighting it but whatever power this game had over us couldn’t be stopped and would push you towards the choice. “Get your fucking dick out, Jim.”

“Me first? Why?”

“Because you’re right next to me and I don’t fucking know or care. I just want to get this out of the way.”

Jim didn’t really protest further since it would be each of us one way or another. He unzipped his pants and lifted his butt off his chair to pull them and his underwear down a bit under his balls. He was still soft but did look a bit bigger than a minute ago.

“What if I can’t get hard?” he asked.

I answered, for some reason, “Something tells me the hypnosis will ensure we all cooperate.”

Matt got down off his chair and moved between Jim’s legs. His head actually blocked my view which frustrated me. I wanted to move around to watch but since John wasn’t moving I figured the urge was my own gay ones vs. the game. And if he was staying put I should too.

“Fuck me,” was the last thing Matt said before leaning in and taking Jim into his mouth. Jim let a little ‘ohh’ out immediately but then just leaned his head back. The sounds of a sloppy blowjob were obvious but at least Matt was using a lot of saliva. I really wish I could have watched the action. By Matt’s head bobs I’d assume he was only going down maybe 3-4 inches but was that because it was all he could take or because that’s all there was? Was Jim even hard yet?

Two minutes went by with just the sound of a wet blowjob and occasional moans from Jim. I was painfully hard and afraid that would be too ‘gay’ once it became my turn. Suddenly Jim shot his head back forward and looked down at Matt.

“Matt, I’m gonna cum. I’m gonna cum.”

Matt didn’t stop. I’m positive it was the hypnosis because there’s no way he would swallow but I guess the blow job was inferred to be ‘to completion’ mixed with ‘spitters are quitters.’

“Fuck.. ah fuck. FUUUCK!” Jim clearly shot into Matt’s mouth. Matt continued to bob during Jim’s sensitive eruption which lead to Jim’s body just convulsing. He didn’t push Matt off and instead rode with the waves of euphoria and climax.

It wasn’t until Jim’s convulsions stopped that Matt withdrew himself from Jim’s cock. “This is so fucking gross,” was all he said as he crawled under the table. That’s when I got to see Jim’s cock. Probably deflated a bit but still hard from the BJ he had just gotten, glistening with spit and remnants of his own semen. I was pretty spot on with my estimate. He was as thick as I expected and probably just shy of 8 inches now. His balls were pulled tight against his body still as he breathed heavily, eyes closed.

That’s when I noticed Matt’s hands on John’s leg. “Okay, dick hole, get your dick out.”

John obliged but stood up to undo his belt and jeans. He slid everything all the way down to his ankles and, most surprisingly, took off his shirt. “You don’t have to get naked, man!” Matt said.

“I know, but I like being naked when I get my dick sucked, you cocksucker.” He winked at Matt as he sat back down but I wasn’t really paying attention to their words. Sitting next to me, I could see all of John’s body for the first time in my life.

He was probably the most-fit out of all us. His body hair was limited but in all the right spots. Hairy pecs, a treasure trail that turned thicker as it roped down his torso, and a manicured bush highlighting a beautiful package. Nothing about John’s cock or balls was exceptional in dimension but man was it a good-looking dick. It was like what a well sculpted, realistic dildo would look like. I did notice that he shaved his balls though. John clearly took care of himself even now into his 40s, married, with 3 kids.

The other thing, of note, was that John was already rock hard. Perhaps it was the hypnosis or perhaps John was a bit more experimental than I thought. Either way, he was ready for Matt and Matt wasn’t enthused. I’m sure he wouldn’t be enthused either way though.

I won’t bore you with the struggles of a straight guy giving a blow job but in short, he couldn’t fit much in. The 3-4 inches was all Matt was capable of taking which is probably pretty good for a guy that’s never had a dick near his face, I assume.

While Matt sucked, John played with his own nipples. He moaned a lot more than Jim and even encouraged him by name. John wasn’t living in a fantasy, picturing his wife or something, he was living in the moment.

“Oh, fuck yeah Matt. Suck my cock. Mmmm, you’re so good at his man. That feels so good, Matt.”

I looked over to Jim quickly. He had put his cock away but his hand happened to be covering his clothed cock. Was he getting hard again? He was certainly watching the show.

The blowjob went on for probably three minutes before John placed a hand behind Matt’s head. “Here it comes, Matt. You’re gonna make me blow.”

In response Matt just greedily sucked, forced to give the best blowjob he could. John’s stomach tightened up and his balls retracted as he came. Based on his own convulsions I imagine he shot 5-6 ropes into Matt’s mouth. Unfortunately, since Matt doesn’t know how to deep throat he got to taste all of John’s spunk on his tongue before swallowing. Maybe I should teach him sometime, I joked to myself.

Then fear.

I just realized it meant it was about to be my turn and the embarrassment crept up on me. Sure, they hopefully wouldn’t remember any of this tomorrow but how could I not still feel ashamed. I wasn’t some sort of exhibitionist.

When Matt finally let John’s cock out of his mouth John made no effort to redress. He just sat there, naked and still hard, looking over at me. “Your turn, buddy.”

Matt didn’t even have words at this point. He actually started to unbutton my jeans for me! They were still wet from my piss but cold and kind of gross to peel off. I decided, like John, to just remove them all-together with my underwear. I kept my shirt on but it felt much better to be without bottoms.

Matt looked at my dick, then up at me. My cock was pretty good. About 7 inches and average thickness? Maybe a hair thinner than average if I’m honest with myself but I like the shape. Straight as an arrow, unlike me.

While looking at me, Matt placed the head of my dick into his mouth. I was pleasantly surprised that Matt didn’t use any teeth. He still didn’t take much in but it really wasn’t a bad blowjob. Then again a warm mouth feels pretty good on your dick no matter what.

Perhaps due to the practice or maybe the hypnosis, Matt got a bit more into it. One hand rested on my thigh, massaging it lightly, while the other grasped me around my base. He started to jack me off a bit while he blew me. He probably just wanted me to finish quicker, actually.

Lucky for him, I did. Partly because it was a good blowjob but more-so fueled by the facts of what just transpired over the past 10 minutes I was ready to go. He maybe blew me for a minute before I shot. I’m not even going to feign embarrassment at that.

I may be relatively average on most things but I know that my dick is a bit above average length and I know I shoot well above-average. Typically I edge for a while before shooting which helps but even in my quick jack-off sessions I drench the toilet paper I use to clean up. Poor Matt had to swallow probably two tablespoons of my jiz and swallow he did. Even a bit leaked out of his mouth and when he unsheathed me from his lips he licked it up. Man was he committed.

I looked over at John after my climax and he was still naked, and still hard. Following his suit, I opted to stay naked mainly because the alternative was to put on wet, cold jeans. Instead I just scooted in further to the table to hide my own non-ceasing erection.

“So.. um,” John said.

“Please. I don’t want to talk about it. I just want to get this over with,” Matt said, back in his chair.

“I was just going to thank you, but fair enough. I guess it’s my turn then.”

John reached in and grabbed a slip. “Run to the end of the street naked or ask the neighbor for a cup of sugar in your underwear.” Another one of mine.

“Well,” John said, “that’s not so bad considering.”

“You’re damn right.” Matt added.

“I think I’d rather take my chances getting spotted running down the dark sidewalk then have to face your neighbors, Kyle. Especially since I don’t think my erection’s not going away anytime soon.”

John got up and walked over towards the front door, indeed being led by his cock right out in front of him. He had a dick like mine that pointed straight out. We all followed him to the door, me covering my own erection with my shirt, poorly. We knew he’d actually do it due to the hypnosis but general curiosity and rubbernecking meant we wanted to watch to see if he’d get spotted.

It was dark but my neighborhood has street lights so his pale body was still pretty visible. John made good time bounding down the 40 or so yards to the end of my block and back. I got to see his firm, squarish ass as he ran away and his bobbing dick and he ran back. I didn’t realize how hot it would be to see a guy naked out in public.

I couldn’t be sure no one saw him but at least no one came outside to yell at him. I had a breif thought of panic that if someone called the cops what would we do? Would we be able to stop the game to answer the door? What if we got arrested without finishing? Hopefully I wouldn’t find out.

When we were all seated I congratulated John on his ‘naked mile’ and he accepted the praise, laughing it off.

“I’m not sure why you’re so happy about all this,” Matt said, agitated.

“Well. I’m still pretty sure none of us will remember this so from my eyes nothing really matters. Plus I just got a great blowjob from this amazing cock sucker.”

Matt laughed a little, “Man, shut up.”

“Really Matt. I kind of wish you’d remember tonight. You’ve got a thing for sucking dicks.”

“You’re all gay!” Matt yelled. He couldn’t help but crack a smile though.

Jim added in, “alright, let’s please finish this. Kyle, your turn.”

“I know..”

I reached into the bowl and pulled out a slip. I saw the words before I read them out loud. I looked to Matt instantly remembering his last slip and he just grimaced. It was definitely his and was going to take tonight to a whole new level.

[fadingcoast]

Death Of The Lie  ||  Chapter 17: Asgard

Summary: Odin and his daughter Hela are the perfect conquerors of the universe. The nine realms fall one after the other into their clutch. After Odin takes a second wife and has a son with her, he doesn’t need Hela anymore. Hela abandons her father and ends up marrying Laufey, a sworn enemy of the Aesir people. Not long after, she becomes pregnant with Laufey’s child. Odin cannot let that son be born, but against all odds, the boy survives. Odin is forced to bring him back to Asgard to be raised as his own until he could make further use of him. The half-Jotun-half-Aesir boy grows up to look and act a lot like his mother, which disturbs Odin, and makes him treat the boy horribly. Odin’s lies are deep and complex, but one day the boy will find out the truth about everything he is.

PAIRING: None RATING: Teen

MASTERLIST

Feedback is always appreciated and reblogs are encouraged!!

Chapter 17: Asgard

Dearest Sigyn:

It is with great woe that I inform you that I have cut my hair. I imagine Gwyn will not be pleased with this, but I could never care for it as she did. And believe me, I tried. If I know you at all, right now you’re rolling your eyes wondering if my father had anything to do with my decision. I believe you know the answer to that, as he has been pestering me from day one to do this. I didn’t want to give in just yet, but even with the help of my magic, all I made of it was a mess. In this weather, though, it's probably for the best. It was getting a bit hot to maintain.

I have been in Asgard for so little time, but it already feels like decades. I want nothing more than to go back to Alfheim. To see you, to immerse in the Alfar world again. I miss the rivers, the lakes, the mountains… I imagine the berry fields must be ready for harvesting. It makes me sad not to be there to taste the first fruits. The castle is too quiet at night without a river nearby and at times I find it difficult to sleep. I had to conjure a fake one in my balcony just to get some rest.

Thor has become nearly unbearable in my absence. I had noticed his mannerisms becoming closer to Odin’s in the past, but without any opposing influence my brother has gone full brute. He talks often of the realms he wishes to keep under tighter control once he is king. Mother ensures that his rants don't go too far, but he treats her word more as a suggestion than wisdom. I fear he may one day become a victim of his own hubris, and the kingdom with him. I've not a clue what Lady Sif still sees in him but they are unbearably inseparable.

The news of our engagement is still quiet, as mother has not tested the waters of my father's approval yet. Odin appears to be somewhat relieved to have me back where he can see me and has kept his scorn to a reasonable level so long as I keep my nose clean. I suspect if he is not told soon he will either marry me off to a daughter of some random Aesir nobility and have us live in the castle or have me groomed to be the King's right hand when Thor takes the throne. It is with no exaggeration that I admit I would rather fling myself off the rainbow bridge than to do either, so I think I will have to tell him before long.

I hope to hear from you soon, as I know you are finishing up your last term at the Sanctum and I know you're terribly busy.

-L

.-

Dear Loki:

I don't have to tell you how beautiful the land looks right now, how thick the air is with the sweet fragrance of ripened fruits and honeysuckle. This land is in your blood, and you would sooner forget to breathe than to not think about it. I hardly get to see it these days but I like to go to your old room and sit in the bay window to study. At times I will fall asleep there and I will awake with a start, thinking it's you tapping on my shoulder, but it's Gwyn. Soon I will take my final exams, just a few years out. I don't know how you did it.

You don’t want to know what Gwyn’s reaction was when I broke the news about your hair to her. You’d think the world was ending. Honestly, as good as it looked, I’m surprised you didn’t do it sooner, it must have been so heavy.

I hope the selection of fruits and ale I sent with this letter are to your liking, and that they didn’t end up on your head. I think I will need a sketch or drawing of your room to get familiar with it and pinpoint my teleporting spells, as I am not as familiar with it as you are with my chambers. This will make our exchanges happen a lot faster and no one else can read what we write. It will also help me practice my teleportation techniques.

Maybe one day before long I can visit Asgard, with the King and Queen's permission, of course, after our engagement is known.

-S

.-

The steady exchange of letters Loki kept with Sigyn was full of funny anecdotes and jokes, and it kept him from losing his mind most days. Lucky for both of them, they had perfected a tracking system so they could teleport letters, portraits and presents back and forth, bypassing the regular system. It helped time pass and it kept Loki’s sense of humor intact on days where all he wanted was to escape royal life.

It wasn’t odd for Loki to wake up to a room full of blackberry infused ale, or daffodils in blossom, and some other seasonal foods. It was quite the feat to explain to Frigga why he had so many turnips in his room before he sent them all to the kitchens. But the Queen knew to keep his secret and would help her son ensure gifts from Sigyn ended up where they needed to go, though Loki did prefer to keep the ale for himself.

The letters were also full of less pleasant things. Loki’s nightmares had made a comeback, and they were getting worse. Visions of him in an icy tomb, surrounded by bright blue cold light, where the most frequent. Other times he would be surrounded by darkness, no wind, no sound, lifeless. Sometimes he could even swear there was something calling to him in the dark, but he would jolt awake, covered in frost, before he could figure it out. He spent most of his free time in the library, trying to find an explanation, but most of what he found presented more questions than answers and made no sense.

Loki could not tell this to anyone. Thor wouldn’t care, Frigga wouldn’t be able to help him and Odin would probably berate him for not controlling his powers. As if I could control them while asleep. Sigyn was the only person who he knew could trust with this, and though she was too far away to really help him, she still sent him medicinal herbs, sleeping potions (dreamless sleep was better than no sleep, after all) and comfort food he would not find in Asgard. In addition, she would also send copies of manuscripts she thought could help him.

During the day, Loki fell into a routine, keeping his mind busy to keep out of his own head and fill the endless hours of the day. He was obliged to attend certain diplomatic meetings but only as an observer and only to learn more about running the kingdom. Forced to wear his ceremonial uniform - horns and all - Loki loathed them, but was still far more observant of visiting ambassadors than he let on. It was him who picked up on it each time one would try to lie or trick the Allfather, and after some time Odin wanted to use his skill at every meeting. It was a thankless job, but Loki knew he had to make himself indispensable to gain the Allfather’s trust, so he performed his duty with a sort of reluctant sense of responsibility. For the first time in almost his entire life, Odin stopped insulting him at every opportunity, and replaced his mistrust with indifference. Loki was no longer followed by Odin’s blasted ravens, or by the Einherjar, everywhere he went.

Even while being used, Loki found a measure of freedom in Asgard at last.

.-

My Queen:

It’s been decades and I still can’t get used to being here.

I’ve been made very aware in more than one occasion that this is a world built for warriors, and I am not one of them. Thor has tried to include me in his tiny clique, but he insists on mocking my powers, unless he can make use of them.

“Some do battle, while others do tricks,” he says - but he’s perfectly happy with my “tricks” saving him, and then taking all the credit when an incursion goes well. In any case, is not like Odin would congratulate me, as he dislikes me using my magic when I‘m supposed to be using weapons and considers sorcery to be the cheater’s way. Nothing ever satisfies his impossible standards.

I must admit that I’ve used magic for more than saving my brother’s behind, though.

Fandral has gotten no more amenable, and wastes no opportunity to make crude remarks about my magic and my shapeshifting. This of course only happens whenever Thor isn’t around, the spineless worm. But I finally got my revenge.

In a recent trip, I suggested I used my female form, as the ruler of said realm was a fierce woman who wanted nothing to do with negotiations as long as Odin or Thor were conducting them. I thought, very accurately, she would be more lenient if a woman was the representative. To everyone’s surprise, except mine, it worked, and now interrealm relations are advancing.

That evening, in the revels of it, Fandral once again tried to make advances on me. This time, I was prepared. I had been working on a little something for some time, and it was the perfect opportunity to lace his drink with a very special concoction.

He spent the next two full days as a pig! His tiny brain managed to keep him safe from the slaughterhouse. Once the effect wore off, he tried to blame me for it, but he had no proof. Besides, it’s not the first time he has gone missing for a couple of days. Most believe his excuses just got out of hand.

I must say, potion making isn’t fun and it will probably never be my strong point, but the results are very satisfactory. Hopefully the goateed swine has learned at least a small lesson about underestimating me.

I believe the time has almost come for my father to be informed of our engagement, though if and when it happens it won’t likely be made public knowledge until after Thor’s coronation, which is at least another half century or more away. But it will stop Odin from discussing my possible marital prospects involving Aesir nobility for the foreseeable future. I will tell you as soon as I am able to do it.

-L

PS: Please, tell Gwyn her blackberry pie was delicious, and that without her here to tell me not to eat it in one sitting, I ate it in one sitting.

.-

My King:

Gwyn is both very pleased and very cross with your message. I could still hear her muttering about your sweet tooth and lack of self control well into dinner time.

I kind of want to feel sorry for Fandral, or at least tell you to make productive use of what you’ve learned. But I’m not going to, cause I am imagining a pig with a blond goatee, and I wish you could have kept some register of it.

As for our engagement, I have no better news than you.

My cousin, Princess Frikka of Vanaheim, has announced her betrothal and upcoming wedding. Every and all announcements will be on hold until after she weds and the new future king is presented. Her fiancé comes from one of the oldest houses on the realm and has been around the royal family probably since he was born. Surprisingly enough, they chose each other, which leads me to believe he must have some integrity and intelligence in him. Frikka is smart and strong willed, she wouldn’t suffer a fool.

I am guessing that for a ceremony of this magnitude and significance, Asgard will be sending Thor in Odin’s behalf. If you want me to, I can brew something to turn him into a goat.

-S

.-

Sigyn:

In an unsuspected turn of events, my father has decided I’m the one to represent Asgard in Princess Frikka’s upcoming wedding. Thor, as usual, wants nothing to do with diplomatic visits or ceremonial commitments, and my father is once again incapable of putting his foot down with him.

I do regret that you will miss the chance to turn Thor into a goat. But there’s always more ceremonies and weddings, including our own, where you can try that out.

I look forward to see you in Vanaheim next fortnight. The prospect of you being there and seeing you again is the only thing that will keep me sane.

-L

.-

The week leading to the event, Loki found himself excited by the thought of reuniting with Sigyn, and wanted to do something special for her. For this, he enlisted his mother’s help, as he had no clue of where to get the gift he had in mind.

Loki had discussed their unofficial engagement with his mother several times in length, and while he knew the Queen had indeed informed Odin, it was rather odd that the Allfather hadn’t talked to him about it in person.

Loki wanted to question this decision, maybe even talk to his father himself. Odin had always been very adamant in controlling everything in his life. Why all of a sudden did he seem to not care about it? Or maybe he was looking for a reason to forbid Loki from marrying Sigyn, thus stopping him from leaving Asgard for good? Loki wouldn’t put it past Odin to do such a thing. It wasn’t until much later that the reason behind Odin’s silence became clearer.

As much as they tried to hide it, Odin’s dwindling health was a well-known secret. The whispers and rumors had not gone unnoticed by Loki. This only meant the palace would be making arrangements sooner than planned to proclaim Thor as King. Loki couldn’t help but feel bitter about it: as usual, he was being pushed aside for his brother to shine.

Yet, he had no time to dwell on it. Diplomatic trips weren’t something Asgard took lightly, least of all now, when such an important ceremony was involved. Loki had to get a proper outfit, take time to study and relearn some of Vanaheim ceremonial etiquette, and find Sigyn her gift.

When the day came, Loki found himself rather excited by the prospect of spending a few days away from Asgard. He told himself the butterflies in his stomach were from the responsibility invested on him to represent Asgard and the Nine Realms. They had nothing to do with seeing Sigyn again, of course not. Still, there was a little skip in his step when he and Frigga made way to the Bifrost chamber.

As in all the realms, Vanaheim had a special landing site for the Bifrost. It was very similar to the Alfheim one, except the stones that made the circle were blue. A wide stone road led out to the capitol, while other smaller dirt pathways led out to several shrines. Loki knew these were teleporting spots, portals that connected Vanaheim to other realms besides Asgard. Loki made way to the white Alfheim shrine to wait for Sigyn. His fingers traced the white stone, covered in familiar leaf patterns, and smiled to himself. His nostalgia was interrupted by a bright silver flash coming from the inside of the shrine.

Loki straightened himself and stood by the door and waited for Sigyn to come out. And what a vision she was. Her linen and silk dress was several shades of green, with golden leaves embroidered on the fabric that shimmered in the midday sun, making it look as if the light was going through the foliage of a tree. The golden and white sash on her waist was modeled after branches, and matched the design of the tiara on her head. Blue, red and yellow jewels embedded in the metal resembled little flowers.

Rendered temporarily speechless, Loki shook his head. In an attempt to get rid of the awkward atmosphere, he bowed theatrically, taking Sigyn’s hand and kissing it.

“Your majesty.” Loki chuckled.

“Your highness.” Sigyn bowed as well, trying to stifle a laugh. “What’s with the antlers?”

“Har-har,” Loki said, unamused. “Ceremonial regalia. It’s supposed to be intimidating, I think. I plan to get rid of it as soon as I’m allowed.” Sigyn’s face was red, and her lips pressed in a tight line as she tried not to giggle. “Laugh now, get it out of your system unless you want to enter the Realm looking like a strawberry,” he teased, rolling his eyes.

“I’m sorry!!” She broke down in hysterics, holding Loki’s arm to steady herself. “I’m sorry…” Finally she took a deep breath. “I’m fine now.” Loki stared blankly at her, and Sigyn broke down laughing again, unsuccessfully apologizing.

Loki shook his head a took a deep breath, smiling despite of himself while he waited for Sigyn to stop. She had tears in her eyes when the fit finally subsided.

“Okay, I am fine now. We can go.” Sigyn smiled at him.

He smiled back offering his arm for her to grab it. “You look beautiful.”

Loki and Sigyn were led into a carriage that transported them to the castle. Conversation was light and amenable, and Loki felt like he was floating on air sitting next to Sigyn again, becoming aware every few minutes that she had grown in his absence and blushing at this observation. Sigyn gently placed her hand over his as they approached the castle, openly gaping at the sight of the carved crystal palace.

Clearly Asgard doesn’t have the monopoly on gaudy castles, Loki mused, both amused and impressed at the Vanir capitol. The entire entryway was a giant blue crystal that thrust toward the sky like a beacon, its edges perfect and straight. At the tip of the crystal was a smaller but no less impressive crystal that Loki assumed was a massive diamond, by the way it refracted the natural sunlight into sparkling rainbows everywhere the light touched. Even the stone pathway leading to the castle glittered with every shift of the light.

“Look at it,” Sigyn breathed, her free hand resting on her chest in awe. “I haven’t been here since I was a child and the beauty of the castle still arrests me.”

The carriage stopped in front of the castle door and a servant assisted both of them out onto the front steps, bowing low and gesturing widely toward the open door to invite them in. Loki offered his arm to Sigyn and she gracefully placed her hand on his forearm, giving it a reassuring stroke with her thumb.

Already the front part of the castle was full to capacity with guests from other realms. Loki recognized a few members of nobility from Alfheim and Asgard and cringed inwardly. He was expected to play the part of the royal representative but he wasn’t exactly looking forward to it. Politely greeting people along the way as they bowed their heads to him, Loki led Sigyn through the throng and past the crystal door frame and heavy white amethyst doors leading into the throne room.

Loki had learned in his studies that Asgard was unique in its showcasing of ceremonial events, so he knew that no one would see the newlyweds until after their vows, since the Vanir preferred privacy for their weddings. The party would take place later. There were only a few people in the throne room aside from himself and Sigyn, and he could hear muffled voices in an adjoining room, where he assumed the happy couple were tying the knot right then.

The throne room itself was just as grand as the rest of the castle they had seen so far, nearly every surface all gleaming crystal and perfect edges. It was almost disorienting to the eye, the stark contrast between the sharp lines of the room and the organic curves of the people in it. The ceiling sloped up into a point and the blue crystal caused the room to be bathed in blue light that made one feel as though the room was underwater. Perched atop a white crystal dais, the throne itself was carved from several slabs of gold-laced white quartz. It was the only cushioned surface in the room, as the King likely spent a fair amount of time sitting on it. While beautiful, it was a kind of cold beauty that Loki found rather abrasive compared to the lush and green lands he had grown up in.  

Sigyn’s hand squeezed Loki’s arm and he turned to see her practically jumping up and down with excitement after seeing someone. She looked up at Loki with a smile before bounding off to greet a woman Loki recognized as her mother’s sister. He had met her a few times during his stay in Alfheim and knew she and Sigyn had a close bond.

Excited chatter began to filter from the ceremonial chambers and Loki supposed it was nearly time for the couple to make their entrance. As if on cue, more and more guests came from the foyer to mingle, and Loki suddenly felt as though the air was getting thicker by the second. Whether it was the dense group of people, or the flickering blue light that filled the room as the sun raised higher in the sky and which reminded him of his dreams, he could feel a chill brewing in his chest and he had to get out of there quickly before he made a scene.

As subtly as he could, Loki slipped through the crowd as the new Vanir Prince and Princess emerged amidst loud cheering from the ceremonial chambers, followed by the King and Queen and a High Priestess. His fingertips tingled with cold and he gasped for breath when he finally found a second door that led out to a balcony overlooking the castle gardens. Quietly he approached the railing and closed his eyes, focusing on the sound of the river below. Surely no one would notice him gone, even with the conspicuous absence of the ridiculous horns he had to wear.

Loki leaned on the railing and willed his breathing to slow and tried to ignore the clamor of voices insides. His eyes flew open in surprise when he felt a hand grasping his. Standing there patiently, her hair and skirt blowing gently in the breeze, was Sigyn, her soft brown eyes full of concern. She stroked his hand with her thumb and he couldn’t help but smile.

“Are you okay?” Sigyn meant it sincerely, and took his other hand in hers. “Want me to go back in with you?”

Loki considered this for a moment, and shook his head. “Not yet,” he murmured. “Just stay here with me.”

Sigyn returned his smile and leaned against his shoulder, still holding his hands. It felt like the most natural thing in the world, and Loki could sense his tension evaporating more as he moved his hands to pull her closer. Warmed by the sun, Sigyn’s hair smelled like roses, and the scent reminded him of all the time they spent together in Alfheim, the bond they shared, and the future he hoped to share with her.

“I nearly forgot,” Loki mumbled, freeing one hand to dig in his leather pockets. “I have something for you.” Finally he found it, and pulled it out for Sigyn to see. A quiet gasp was all Sigyn could muster when she saw the thin but elegant gold ring, the design made of intricate knots interwoven with branches and leaves.

“I promised you a real engagement ring, remember?”

Sigyn nodded wordlessly, her mouth still hanging open, eyes misting over. She held up her left hand and Loki was touched to see the original ring he had given her, a gold band from one of his braids that was covered in scuffs and scratches. He replaced it with the new ring, which fit perfectly and would last longer, and Sigyn grinned wide and stood up on her toes to press her lips to his. The sudden kiss surprised Loki but he held her like that for a few extra seconds before she took a step back to admire the ring.

Her smile vanished, however, when she looked past Loki toward the door.

“Erik.”

<< Chapter 16  –  Chapter 18 >>

.-

@igotloki @xalgaliareptx  @christy-winchester @silverhart93 @claiming-loyalty-to-loki @honeybournehippy @unseelie1963 @mischievousbellerina @manager-of-mischief @angryowlet @thelittlestlittlecutiepie 

[comicteaparty]

June 24th-June 30th, 2019 CTP Archive

The archive for the Comic Tea Party week long chat that occurred from June 24th, 2019 to June 30th, 2019.  The chat focused on Drugs & Wires by Mary Safro & Io Black.

Featured Comment:

Chat:

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB START!

Hello and welcome everyone to Comic Tea Party’s Week Long Book Club~! This week we’ll be focusing on Drugs & Wires by Mary Safro & Io Black~! (https://www.drugsandwires.fail/)

You are free to read and comment about the comic all week at your own pace, so stop on by whenever it suits your schedule! Remember, though, that while we allow constructive criticism, our focus is to have fun and appreciate the comic. Below you will find four questions to get you started on the discussion. However, a new question will be posted and pinned everyday (between 12:01AM and 6AM PDT), so keep checking back for more! You have until June 30th to tell us all your wonderful thoughts! With that established, let’s get going on the reading and the chatting!

QUESTION 1. What has been your favorite scene in the comic so far? What specifically did you like about it?

QUESTION 2. Who do you think made the Worm and for what reason? Why does it seem to mostly be affecting Stradania and not other places? Do you think Dan’s implant can ultimately be fixed, or is he stuck forever away from VR?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 3. At the moment, who is your favorite character? What about that character earns them this favor?

QUESTION 4. What aspect of the world’s cyberpunk setting interests you the most and why? Alternatively, what aspect are you hoping to see explored a bit more in regards to how it affects the characters?

RebelVampire

1) Gonna be a bit depressing when I say the bridge scene where Dan almost threw himself off it. Which I'm gonna spoiler tag the rest of this just as a suicide trigger warning precaution. I was 100% right there in the moment with him during that scene. Like I understood why he'd arrived at that conclusion, and it didn't come off as patronizing as I feel a lot of similar suicide scenes often do in comics. This is a man who even I felt really had nothing to live for, as sad as that is to say. Not that I wanted Dan to die, of course, but I get absolutely why he would. And then when he's saved, I liked that he is angry about it. Cause that is a dark reality I feel too many comics shy away from. And just all that gritty realism really hit me in the heart. 2) I don't know who made the worm and I don't think it matters all that much. Rather, I think the reason is more important, and the reason I think is to either kill VR or draw attention to Dan's shitty country. Which I kind of want to believe the latter, that this is somehow politically motivated. Or even if its the former, the idea is to get ppl more politically involved. That being said, I do think it's someone in Stradania who made it. As for Dan's implant being fixed, I don't think so. I don't think he'll be let off the hook that easy, and that he will continue to have to face his awful world for what it is, garbage and all.

3) Dan because he is the delicious epitome of a flawed protagonist. He's not mean, but between his drug problems, his crappy attitude towards most people, and so forth, he's got some real issues to work through. But that's great, cause at least that makes the few steps forward he's taken more satisfying. Since he's not getting those steps easy. He has to basically crawl through metaphorical lava to gain even 2 cm. 4) I really like the world's integration of VR and cybernetics. Like it's not on the level it's just there, but there's businesses around it, slang around it, and so forth. It's presented as this super ingrained culture thing, and that is super hard to play off. And it's just really well-done to see all the ways that those aspects bleed into their lives, whether the invention was intended to do so in that way or not.

Historical Jesus

I'm about to catch up. gimmy some time

RebelVampire

itll be going for the rest of the week, so theres no rush.

snuffysam

1) My favorite scene is the basement wake. It's a cool way to introduce those side characters (especially Vlad), and we were shown how our protagonist is seen through other people's eyes.

Like, we as the readers get to see Dan's struggles first-hand, but seeing the way Dan's "friends" think of him as a mindless junkie is really eye-opening

Re-reading the wake chapter made me think of something regarding question (2). Rebel, you suggested that the worm may have been made to kill VR. Could the reverse be true instead? Vlad has this speech about how the victims of the worm are martyrs, and the rest of the cast groans... but maybe he's not so far off.(edited)

My favorite character is Lin. On the surface, she's a terrible, shady person, but she's got heart where it counts! (in a trunk with a bunch of other organs)

Though I also really like Dan, for the same reasons as Rebel. He starts off in such a terrible place, and watching him take baby steps towards improvement is... honestly, uplifting, even if he does sometimes take some big steps backward.(edited)

RebelVampire

QUESTION 5. What has been your favorite illustration in the comic so far? What specifically about it do you like?

QUESTION 6. Do you think Dan will manage to find Eve again? If so, how might that affect him? Further, what do you think Dan’s past history is in general with his family and others that might play a role in the story?

Historical Jesus

Is the person writing this comic Russian

RebelVampire

cant speak for Io, but while not from Russia, Mary does speak Russian

Historical Jesus

SHe might have had family immigrate from Russia. This story just feels very Russian in the sense that everyone is down on their luck

But yeah. This story is freaking great!

Cryo

Hey, Mary here! I'm a Russian from Latvia, Io's German but I usually consult him on any Russian bits we have in the comic : D thanks so much for reading, loved seeing all the replies so far!

Historical Jesus

It's you

@Cryo Do you have experience with information security or bug hunting?(edited)

I mean, you sound like you REALLY understand hacker culture(edited)

Historical Jesus

ok I finished

1: Favorite scene? Hard to tell honestly. I like them all for different reasons. It's the continuum of the story I appreciate. The fact I'm always wanting to see what happens next? 2: Who made the worm. I've noticed that people who were infected had illegal copies of software. From a cybersecurity perspective, worms only work when either (A) someone finds a vulnurability that has never before been seem or (B) people don't update their shit for whatever reason. Hence why most software schedules mandatory updates. This could just be the inevitable conclusion to using pirated or older software. 3: Favorite character: Dan. I can relate to him the most. I don't do party drugs, just psycodelics.

4: Favorite aspect of cyberpunk. Historical relevance. In our past, rulers were privileged to rule because humans believed they were "ordained by God" to rule. European philosophers then said that the right to rule belongs to those who become the height of natural selection/ The premise being that there is no god and that we are "free agents" with "free will." No one is entitled to anything unless they produce something of value. This made perfect sense when manual labor was relevant and everything had to be done by hand. This includes pen and paper math. Hence why pay is exclusively based on labor value. Enter the age of technology fucked this up. Capitalism today is STUPIDLY efficient. We WHOOPED natural selections ass. We also learned that humans can't simply "change their outlook at will." Humans are mortal and are not much different than machines. The have needs and all that pesky human stuff. Some people could argue that healthier people have more free will than others, but poverty is the inevitable conclusion to this "free will" "labor value" mindset. But people think principles are sacred and set in stone. So what we are seeing is devalued labor and everyone becoming more poor and the formation of corporate oligarchies and dependences. Cyberpunk was WAY ahead of it's time in seeing this. We need to revisit this genre because I sure as shit don't want to live under a global illuminati with hard line cultural segregation.(edited)

Cryo

No, no real hacking experience here, I'm a 3d modeller by trade. We do our research when we can but our readers are a lot more technically minded than we are :p

Historical Jesus

I love 3D modeling

Attila Polyák

I'll be totally honest your work didn't really catch me at first, but I kept reading. Aaaaand dang that was a good decision. This is genuinely well made. I'm only at the end of chapter 4 but that bridge scene was great. I'm pretty sure it'll be my favourite scene but I need to read the rest first.

Historical Jesus

I have one of two options in life. Make high detailed models to sell on Gumroad or make comics. Gumroad will require constant adaptation to new software, but I already have my comic story structure fgiured out

Cryo

@Attila Polyák thanks for giving us a chance! Hope you enjoy the rest ( though chapter 5 is a lot less dramatic in comparison!)

Historical Jesus

Do you have a resolution in mind or are you just making it as you go?

Cryo

Yeah, we know where we're taking the story, but how it gets there can vary. Lots of the scenes we wrote years ago have to be tweaked or redone entirely to work

Historical Jesus

If the "free will" capitalist have their way, then we can expect the future to look very similar. Lots of poor people using lots of old tech. All software and hardware is closed sourced and locked down.The division between rich and poor will be larger than ever. Many of the zero days will be state sponsored much like they are now and they can use this to legally infect people and categorize them and use their own information against them if they ever become a threat to the state or the rich tech oligarchy

When I read this I got sense of creepy forcasting

More kids are playing with the Linux Kernal than smoking cigarettes so we might be ok

Historical Jesus

5: Favorite illustration? Anything that involved gif animations. That's not to say it should be overused but it was used at the right time

6a: Will Dan find Eve again? Probably. Since Cryo has a conceptual end in mind, I imagine she serves a key purpose in the plot. If they don't then it's likely that their actions will effect each other in some way.(edited)

6b: What is Dan's history with his parents? Let's look at who Dan is now. He's a poor drug addict who has had a dead end job. Yet he is not an overly angry person. Just depressed. He hangs around computer poetry people and other drug people. As a person who has experience with drugs, I noticed three types of people who do the dangerous drugs. At least in the US. They are... -People who have had repressive or needlessly strict parents. Thus overdoing drugs becomes associated with freedom and eventually a point of rebellion. But you can do too many of them. -People who are poor and need to sell them because they are poor. Naturally many of them do the drugs themselves so they naturally become addicted. -People who's parents are drug users themselves. The people who teach are schools will tell you it's that "people are trying to be cool" and it has nothing to do with that. Truth be told, they are hiding something. There is also a lot of dark racial history behind enhancing substances and the law and that can influence people's decision to take them, but I don't want to get into that because I don't want to get booted from this server.(edited)

Historical Jesus

Actually, @Cryo, would you be willing to give us a brief personal biography? Also, if you are, then can you tell us about your parents, what they did for a living, and the income situation you had growing up.(edited)

Why am I asking this? I think we can come up with more interesting answers about the comic if we know YOU as a person and how that influences your writing. I was able to infer that this story sounded Russian as fuck. Since the setting was Russian, I figured you were either from there or had family there

We can give more interesting answers that can help you come up with more interesting writing

RebelVampire

@Historical Jesus Your questions are getting a little personal, and while I understand the logic behind them, keep in mind we're here to discuss the comic and not the creators' personal lives.

keii4ii

Yeah... I feel even if the creators are okay with discussing it, this stuff is best left to DM

Historical Jesus

I understand. I would like to give her the choice. If she chooses not to then I understand. Biologically speaking, I think art is meant to be personal.

keii4ii

(and of course, if they don't want to discuss it, no one should pressure them about it )

RebelVampire

yeah if @Cryo wants to answer that's fine. Just for the future please keep those sorts of questions to a minimum and watch the wording on them. Cause that statement did sound overly pressure filled.

Historical Jesus

of course

keii4ii

I don't think we should be getting further into this territory?

RebelVampire

Agreed. This isn't a really appropriate topic for #week_long_bookclub, @Historical Jesus and has little to do with the comic.

Historical Jesus

I understand. I'm trying to demonstrate the the relevance and the benefits of understanding the author as a person. And again, it's her choice to choose what she discloses.

RebelVampire

And again, I get the logic. But just not appropriate for this discussion.

Historical Jesus

fair enough. I just want it to be known

I rephrased the question so it's less assertive. I apologies, I suck with social skills. Hopefully by the time she reads it, then it will be more inviting for her.

RebelVampire

thats better wording for sure, thank you.

Historical Jesus

no problem

art was definitely designed to be personal. The reason why a lot of big budget art feels bland is because it's meant for everyone and they have to not get too deep into offending people. Because it has to make money. That requires the work of a true genius. D&W is specialized and it will attract a certain group of people. Mostly people who value anonymous culture like myself. Or so I imagine.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 7. Which characters do you enjoy seeing interact the most? What about their dynamic interests you?

QUESTION 8. Will Lin actually go through with her plan to get into politics? If so, do you believe she can actually make a difference? What obstacles do you think she might run into, and do you think Dan will be of any help to her?

Cryo

(i would appreciate not having to talk about my life and anyones political beliefs neither here nor in DMs, thanks for understanding)(edited)

Historical Jesus

Understood

Historical Jesus

7: Dan, primarily because he is relatable. He would interact the way I would. Not having money sucks.

Historical Jesus

8: Will in go into politics? Probably not. She strikes me as a neroatypycal character. I could be wrong though.

RebelVampire

@snuffysam If the worm was designed to improve VR, I really want to meet the person who decided that making ppl martyrs was the way to go. Cause that's some backwards thinking, imo at least XD

5) There's a lot of really great ones, but I'm kind of fond of the illustration of Dan puking up rainbows. It's this cool mix of gross, psychedelic, and not what I expected. It expressed a lot of mood somehow for something that's less grand than I usually pick. 6) I think Dan will find Eve again, if only cause from a technical perspective she was introduced super early on to not be important. However, I think meeting her again is just gonna make him feel bad about himself as he realizes how little his baby steps of improvement are. In regards to his family, just gonna be bold and say my theory: his dad is part of that political group that took control and really hates cyborgs and technology and all that. Thus they were probably not the most open-minded and rejected Dan in multiple ways both through emotional abuse and neglect.

7) I like seeing Dan and Troy right now. Everyone else in the comic is kind of...shitty towards Dan. Like i know Dan isn't the greatest person, but I would hate to be in the situation where I'm constantly being told I'm a junkie who won't amount to anything. Which I mean don't get me wrong, those are interesting interactions. But Troy? Troy is this new person whose only experience with Dan is kind of a nice if not high tension one. Troy comes with a fresh, no prior knowledge of Dan perspective, and I think that's really interesting and gonna be a good way to shed new light on Dan's more positive traits. 8) I think Lin will try to go through with it, but I think Lin is fighting a losing game. Short of stuffing the ballot, I don't think those she's trying to help will vote for her. Instead they'll just bitch and be complacent to the world around them. But on that same vain, Lin probably could just stuff the ballots to win. I umm...honeslty don't think Dan can help her in anyway. Dan is really busy helping himself to suck less at the moment. XD

RebelVampire

QUESTION 9. What sorts of art or story details have you noticed in the way the comic is crafted that you think deserves attention?

QUESTION 10. What do you think Sandman and Fixer will find in regards to the Worm as the story continues, and what does the VR cafe Sandman has been hacking have to do with anything? How will Nate tie into this given he’s looking for Fixer?

RebelVampire

QUESTION 11. What do you think are this particular comic’s strengths? What do you think makes this comic unique? Please elaborate.

QUESTION 12. Overall, what role do you think Troy will have within the story? Additionally, how will she get out of her situation with having no ID, money, or much in the way of people she knows?

Historical Jesus

9: The art against the web design literally looks like something we would see at Def Con

10: I image he has a lead. After all his motivation is revenge

11: it’s strength is that it's good at making people empathize with characters even if you can't relate to them

12: I don't think Troy will get out of her situation. If she comes back to the states empty handed she will be fired. It might be in her best interest to get wrapped up in finding the worm programmer

Typically speaking large scale worms are state sponsored but it's not clear how far this thing actually spreads.

RebelVampire

9) My favorite details so far have been the small things in the background. Like the random graffiti on the walls, the cracks and dilapidation of the buildings, all the small do-dads in Lin's place. Like none of that needs to be there to create a complete background, but it adds so much character to the setting and each character. So I really appreciate the extra mile taken for that. 10) I think Sandman and Fixer are gonna find that some corporation or someone high up on some food chain made it on purpose. As for the VR cafe? Honestly, I think it's a red herring and Sandman is making an excuse to target them just cause he hates them. As for Nate, I think Nate is gonna join the investigation team but also kind of serve as a negotiator between Fixer and Dan. Cause I don't think those two will get along without help.

11) I think this comic's strengths are a) the setting both visually and story wise, as it's a really strong and vivid setting. then b) Dan. It is very, very hard to write a character like Dan. There are so many things he does that could immediately make him unlikeable, what between the drugs, self destruction, and general assholeness to some of the ppl around him. but yet he is likeable. you do want to see him succeed and not suffer. yet you also still can acknowledge hes unreliable. its a great dynamic that lesser writing could not pull off. 12) I think Troy is gonna be their viewport into the corporate world. Which I think will play a role since there is a themeing here about evil corporations. Plus, she at least knows some stuff better than they do, as she already showed off at the VR cafe. But getting out of it? Nope. Shes stuck and probably gonna make another panicked call to Dan at some point. And Dan will be an angel and help again.

snuffysam

I'm going to go out on a limb here. Not only will Lin go through with running for office, she'll win. And she won't even have to stuff the ballot that much. But... I'm not sure her fight will be over there. After all, there's more than just one corrupt person in the country. I agree with you on the investigation into the Worm, @RebelVampire . I think someone up the corporate ladder is responsible. With that said, I don't think Sandman is targeting the VR cafe for nothing. I think he's trying to draw more attention to their security flaws for... some reason. I guess to get more people involved in investigating? I doubt he foresaw Troy showing up and offering to upgrade the cafe's machines though, so I that probably isn't part of his plan. I think a major part of Dan's character arc going forward will be accepting that he doesn't need Eve. Like, accepting that he doesn't need her help to get better, and that he's the only one he needs to prove his progress to.

Dan's character writing is absolutely my favorite part of this comic. In a weaker comic, I would absolutely hate how a self-destructive character like Dan is portrayed. Like, often characters with addiction/other mental health problems in fiction come off as unlikeable, or too cartoonish, or too depressingly stagnant (at least, from what I've seen in other works of fiction). But Drugs & Wires strikes a great balance where character progression isn't always linear, and isn't always positive, but it's there, and that fluidity makes you want to root for him more each chapter.

Attila Polyák

Now that I finally read all of it... 1, The bridge scene at the end of chapter 4, that was really done. 2, Dan's implant... I'm pretty sure it can be fixed, but I have doubts if Dan will ever have the resources to have it fixed. As a matter of fact I feel like he'll never have the money or influence to have it fixed and the way it is he can't really replace it either, so... He's probably stuck without VR. 3, Lin! She's awesome! 4, Probably the grey market implant dealers, even though that's kinda bog standard cyberpunk stuff. :) 6, Yes, they will probably meet again. And yes, I do feel like we'll need to see more of Dan't past history especially about how he got involved in... well in everything that's his current life. 7, Nagy, as surreally odd, is a great addition to Dan. Like at times I thought his absurdity would actually help Dan. 8, Ofc she will, you don't forge that much "voter trust" for nothing. And Dan, tho probably seemingly unwillingly, will likely help her one way or another.

RebelVampire

QUESTION 13. What are you most looking forward to in the comic? Also, do you have any final thoughts to share overall?

QUESTION 14. Do you think Dan will ever be able to kick his drug habit, or will he continue to fall back into it forever? How will this affect his relationships? Further, how will his habits shape his future role in the story?

RebelVampire

13) I'm looking forward to getting more info about the worm. Cause right now I dont feel any more knowledgeable than I did at the start, and I'm itching to see Sandman, Fixer, or Dan to somehow get a bigger clue to what's going on. 14) I think both will apply. In that Dan will kick the habit eventually but will always be at risk because addiction is not really something you just completely cure. It's a battle he'll have for his entire life, even if he learns to manage it. As for for his relationships, I don't think it'll have much affect, tbh. Maybe things with Lin will improve, maybe Eve. But everyone else is kind of a jerk who already writes him off. Dan is in need of a fresh start somewhere far away.

Historical Jesus

13: Same here. I would like to know more about the worm. I hope that Cyro puts a cool technical characteristic into the worms behavior so that creates interesting and unique challenges for the characters 14: Statistically speaking most people do not kick their drug habit's. Especially not in the position he is in. Based on the story's cultural nature, I doubt the ending will be happy. But I am sure it will be interesting

Cryo

Thanks so much for picking and reading our comic this week! I've had a great time reading all the replies, especially since we don't hear from new readers often, and it's gonna come in handy when we get back into writing more stuff for the comic.

snuffysam

I had a great time reading it, Cryo!

Io.Black

Just wanted to add my own thanks to everybody who took the time to read and comment this past week. As a writer, it’s always incredibly valuable to get a sense of what people are taking away from your work, as well as where they think it’s headed.

RebelVampire

COMIC TEA PARTY- WEEK LONG BOOK CLUB END!

Thank you everyone so much for reading and chatting about Drugs & Wires this week! Please also give a special thank you to Mary Safro & Io Black for volunteering the comic and creating it! If you liked Drugs & Wires, make sure to continue to support it via some of the links below!

Read and Comment: https://www.drugsandwires.fail/

Drugs & Wires’ Patreon: https://www.patreon.com/drugsandwires

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Drugs & Wires’ Merch: https://www.hellovoid.online/

Safro’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/marysafroart

Io Black’s Twitter: https://twitter.com/b_iologic

[crashdevlin]

Bottle- 4: Mine

Author’s Note: Originally posted to ao3 (This is an edited and improved version), I work in info from the comics (Like Hawkeye was married to Mockingbird and Red Skull had a disappointing daughter) and I took a few liberties with what the scepter could do (but not really because the Mind Stone was used to create the Twins so what I did is not that far-fetched). This is a lot more angst than I realized when I wrote it, but it’s compelling angst.

Summary: Cassandra Campbell is a Stark Industries lab tech with dubious genetics and a history with the new Director of SHIELD. She’s been working in New York since right before the Chitauri invasion. What does she have to do with Loki, and what will happen when he returns? Starts post TDW and continues to the end of AoU.

Pairing(s): Phil Coulson x OFC (Past), Loki x OFC (Non-con), Clint Barton x OFC, Steve Rogers x OFC

Word Count: 3729

Story Warnings: So many, worst (to me) are bolded. Younger woman/older man relationship, non-con, mutilation, torture, mind control, PTSD, depression, alcoholism, forced abortions, bad things (non-con) in a church, insomnia, memory manipulation, eventual consensual oral sex (female and male receiving),

Chapter Warnings: non-con (past), mutilation (past), torture (past), PTSD, depression, alcoholism, possessive Loki, mind control, mentions of a forced abortion

Cassie went through her closet, full of modest dresses and high-necked blouses, and picked out her most modest dress, a light brown 3/4 sleeve with a loose turtleneck. She put on opaque black tights and lined her eyes with brown liquid liner, and added a cream-colored eye shadow. Cassie added a wine-red lipstick to pop against the neutral color scheme. Looking in the mirror, she felt she looked gorgeous in a classical way.

At exactly 7:30, a knock came to her door. She opened it for Steve, who was dressed in slacks and a light blue button-up shirt. He offered her a bouquet of three deep-red Gerbera daisies with a smile. "You look beautiful. This look, it kinda reminds me of... girls from my day."

"Modesty works for both of us, then." She said, setting the flowers on the table next to the door and walking out. She closed the door and followed Steve to the elevator, where he pressed ‘L’. As the lift started moving she smiled to herself. “So, be honest, did you wait in the hall for a few minutes so you could knock exactly at the half hour?”

Steve chuckled. “No. I did wait in the lobby until 7:28, though.” He admitted.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"The look on the Colonel's face when Bucky and I walked into camp with all those POWs behind us, it made the whole thing worth it."

Cassie giggled. "Wow. That is great. You know, I've heard that story 'cause my ex was a bit of a fanboy, but it's so much better from you."

"So, what about you?" Steve asked, taking a polite sip of his water and then setting it back onto the table. "Any interesting stories from your life?"

Cassie shook her head. "No. I spent my ten years in a Hydra lab, then I spent my ten years in a SHIELD lab at the Fridge. Then I spent two years in Cali, and I’ve been here for a little over one. Never really made any waves or created any stories."

"What, no one has ever died in your labs?”

“Well, Hydra lab… probably, but I don’t remember it at all.”

“I wasn’t expecting an actual answer, Miss Campbell." He said, laughing. "So, why don't you tell me about your SHIELD agent ex?"

Cassie’s face sobered. "What do you mean?"

"Well, this modesty of yours isn't an act. It isn't entirely something that Loki thrust upon you. You are naturally modest and shy. So, you wouldn't have been so forward as to be with someone unless you were absolutely comfortable with them: the comfort of years. The only people you were around long enough to build that kind of rapport with were SHIELD agents."

She blushed and looked at her lap. "You don't get enough credit for your brain, Steve."

"Behind the times doesn't mean stupid."

Cassie took a deep breath and smiled, deciding on a mostly-true version of events. "I met him on the jet when Fury was taking me to the Fridge. He was taking some weapon to be locked up. He called me 'Jo' because Joanna is an old lady name.” She gave a small chuckle thinking about being ten years old, finally getting a real name, getting her first nickname. “He gave me a blanket when it got cold on the plane. He was nice to me, when no one else really was. He’s the first person I can ever remember being nice to me. I didn't see him again for 5 years but he apparently intervened on my behalf with Fury a few times. Ultimately, my stay in the Fridge was much nicer because of him… and once I'd learned how to read and write, Fury let us be pen pals."

"Pen pals? That takes me back."

"Well, I wasn't allowed tech in my cell. Everything had to be on paper, checkable. Not like I had an email in the first place, or really knew what email was. Anyway, he got a promotion from what he was doing, which was tracking down alien tech, to being in charge of several labs. That put him in charge of my yearly exams. So, we kept writing but I got to see him a bit, a couple times a year. After my year 17 exam, he started writing me more often... and it was different, you know, the tone. He didn't see me as a kid anymore, I guess. He started coming by more often to see me and then, one day, he just kissed me."

Steve raised his eyebrows, slightly. "Fury must have been livid."

She nodded. "Yeah. He ordered us not to see each other and set Maria Hill on a collision course with us. My ex kept writing, though and when Fury finally let me out into the real world, he defied orders to come be with me."

"So, what happened? He's not around now."

She scoffed, derisively. "He found someone else. Someone closer to his age. I mean, she was still younger, but… only by a few years. She was a woman who knew more about the world than just what she'd read in books. I saw a picture of her... online. She's pretty gorgeous, but she's modest-looking, too. I could see how he would fall out of love with me for her."

"You still love him, though?" It was less a question and more a statement.

Cassie shrugged. "First love never dies, does it? I'm sure you have a memory of a girl long gone who you can't ever have. Doesn't make you love her any less."

Steve nodded. "Well, maybe it's not too late. He might still realize his mistake."

She shook her head. "Not likely. He was in the facility when Loki came through the Tesseract."

He pursed his lips. "I'm sorry."

"It's not like he was mine when he died."

"Doesn't make it hurt any less." Cassie nodded. Steve looked around the restaurant. "I think this is probably a pretty bad topic for a first date." Steve mused.

She gave a genuine smile. "Well, pardon my not knowing the etiquette."

"I don't know much more than you." He admitted.

She chuckled. "Well, we seem to be doing all right."

"Yeah. We are."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Steve walked her to her apartment, hands behind his back. Once they got to the door, they turned to each other.

"You know, I wasn't expecting much from tonight, but... I really enjoyed myself, Steve. You are a breath of fresh air in a world full of guys just trying to get laid. You are a total gentlemen, without the misogynistic undertones: the whole Mad Men thing." Cassie rolled her eyes at herself. "Point is, I had a lot of fun."

Steve nodded with a smile. "Me too. I mean, I haven't had this much fun since the 40s."

This drew an honest laugh from the woman. "From anyone else, that would sound pathetic, but from you, I take that as a high compliment."

"It is, Cassie. One of the highest I am prepared to give. Maybe, we could do it again, sometime, for our benefit instead of Loki's." He said, a bit awkwardly.

"I would really like to, Steve..." She started, unsure of herself because she honestly wanted to but she wondered what that emotion meant when held up against the way she felt for Clint.

"Oh, it's fine either way." Steve said, covering himself from the rejection. That shy act made up her mind.

"That's the end of the sentence. I'd really love to, Steve."

Steve smiled, brightly, showing all those perfect white teeth. "Well, let me know if you have any issues. I will be right upstairs with Tony, keeping an eye on your apartment."

"I'll make sure to change for bed in the bathroom, then."

He chuckled. "Well, have a nice night." Steve said, before leaning down to kiss her cheek.

She walked into her apartment, misty-eyed, with her hand over her cheek. "Just marching through the Avengers roster, aren't you? Who is next? Banner seems lonely and Romanoff seems up for anything."

She turned to her bathroom, her throat going dry, all the happiness draining out of her. Loki was sitting on the edge of her tub. She reached her hand into her purse, feeling for the orb. Loki moved his leg to show the sceptre leaning against her bathroom wall. "I wouldn't." He warned.

"How'd you know where the cameras are?" She whispered.

"Your patriotic friend would never allow Stark to completely blanket this place in cameras."

"So, what? You have to know that I have other ways of alerting them to your presence."

"3 minutes. That's what it will take for Stark to put on his suit and come to your rescue. Rogers will have to wait on the lift. You will be mine again long before they make it here." Loki said, matter-of-factly. He stood, picking up the sceptre.

"JARVIS, door!" She shouted, running for the living room. Her front door swung open as she heard Loki moving behind her. She ran for the elevator, not deterred as a copy of the god popped up in front of her. Unfortunately, her short legs and the 3 inch clogs she chose to go with her vintage dress proved to be too much of a hindrance and Loki quickly caught up with her, grabbing her wrist and spinning her around. He touched her chest with the sceptre and she stopped dead.

He smirked as he looked down at her. "Your date will be exiting those doors in a moment, Joanna. We cannot risk letting him get the better of you. You don't have his training… yet. Let's make haste to the end of this hall." He gestured way from the elevator with the scepter.

"Stark will be waiting outside those windows. If I may..." Loki nodded, proud of how quickly this strong-willed woman turned. She walked purposefully to the elevator. "JARVIS, stop the elevator car for me, but open these doors."

"Of course ma'am, but I will have to inform Mr. Stark of this occurrence."

"That's fine, JARVIS, thank you." She turned to Loki as the elevator doors opened to an empty shaft. "Stark gave me voice controls over the elevator. We should have time to get to the basement levels and out of the building through the sewer systems before he has JARVIS let Rogers out."

She reached a pale hand up to grab her collar, before ripping it off in a long strip, which she pulled in half. She wrapped the pieces around her hands, tucking the ends to prevent them unravelling. "Hold onto my shoulders, mi'lord."

Loki complied, an awkward configuration due to their height difference, but the formerly modest woman didn't seem to notice as she jumped to the elevator cables like a cat and started slowly sliding down them. Her clunky shoes caught most of the friction, a sickening smell of burning rubber and leather wafting up and making Loki's nose wrinkle.

As they reached the halfway point in their journey down, the sound of glass breaking above them hit their ears, right before the elevator began its descent. Cassie let the pressure off of her feet and slid down the rest of the way. She pulled open the sub basement elevator door and led Loki into the sewers as she unwrapped her hands. As she threw her wraps to the ground, Loki noticed large burns across her palms, but she ignored them as she continued along her planned extraction route.

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

"So, Loki wins. He's going to get his army, after all." Bruce shook his head, sadly.

"Not if we can get her back before she can replicate the serum. Which, being honest, she's likely to fail at." Tony reasoned. “I mean, how many other real scientists have tried since Cap’s days?”

"And how do we plan on getting her back? He's possessed her again. She won't even want to be saved. She's going to be working against us." Natasha seemed apathetic, but there was an edge to her voice.

"Not by choice.” Steve reminded. “If I could manage to get Bucky to recognize me after Hydra wiped his mind, maybe we could get Cassie to."

"What, appeal to her humanity? Her memories? We barely know this girl." Widow said.

"I think I got to know her pretty well last night. I think there is a lot in her that we could appeal to if we had the chance."

"We just need to bash her on the head real hard." Clint said, causing everyone to turn to him. He shrugged and looked back to the arrow in his hand, which he was sharpening. "It fixed me."

"Have to find her first." Stark said.

"I might be able to provide assistance in the endeavour." A booming voice came from the doorway.

"A well-timed assist from the thunder God. How's Asgard?" Tony said, turning to the Asgardian.

"It is well. All realms are harmonious in the wake of Malekith's demise. Except Midgard, of course, which seems to enjoy chaos."

"Well, no wonder your brother wants Midgard." Natasha mused.

"Yes. Loki died in my arms on Svartlefheim, but it must have been an illusion concocted in order to avoid being taken back to prison.” Thor turned to Steve. “I'm mortified that my gullibility has caused this pain. I promise we will get back your woman, Steven."

Clint kept his attention on sharpening his arrows tips as Steve blushed. "She's not my woman, Thor. We only went on one date."

"And he didn't get nearly as far with her as Barton did."

Clint calmly blew on the tip of an arrow. "Natasha, you petty bitch."

Natasha gave a small smirk. "I didn't know it was a secret. You did know you were on camera."

"That's why she hesitated." Steve muttered under his breath.

"This isn't important. What's important is that Loki has her." Everyone stared as Clint dropped his feet from the back of the chair in front of him. "Look, I've known her for years longer than any of you. I've been flirting with her for a week. She was not at all surprised when I kissed her. She liked it. She just didn't want me to stay."

"Wait!" Thor said, staring at the screen and completely ignoring the human drama behind him. "Reverse the flow of this image."

Tony hit a button on his tablet and rewound the video. Thor put his hand up when it got to the point where Cassie ripped the collar off of her dress. "There. Stop."

The Avengers squinted at the Asgardian runes clearly visible once she'd thrown modesty to the wind. "So, what's it say?" Tony asked.

"It is a gruesome, antiquated Asgardian ritual, similar to your ring of engagement. The translation is approximately 'The bearer of the children of Loki, God of Lies'. This girl, is she special?"

"Uh, she's like me. Super strength, amazing reflexes, accelerated cellular regeneration." Steve responded.

"Then she may survive." Thor said, smiling as he turned to the rest of the Avengers.

"Survive what?" Banner asked.

"While Loki appears similar to you and I, that is just a bit of our mother's magic. He is by birth of Jotunheim, land of the Frost Giants."

"And I take it they aren't called giants ironically?" Stark already knew the answer.

"Not at all."

"Great, so now we have the time crunch of saving her before he re-consummates their marriage and puts a baby in her that's gonna destroy her insides." Clint said, exasperated.

"They'll be looking for a lab. She promised him an army, that'll take precedence." Widow reasoned.

"I've got an idea.” Barton said, standing. “It might take a bit of time. Hill, I'm going to need contact with Fury." Barton turned to Hill, who had been unnoticed standing in the back.

"Why?"

"Because SHIELD may be dead but Fury is not and I'm not disobeying a direct order without at least letting him know."

~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~

Natasha walked up to Steve at the coffee maker as the other Avengers milled around the Tower. "Sorry about that. I didn't mean to make a spectacle about it. I just didn't want you getting hurt. She's the first one you've opened up to since they thawed you out." She said as Steve poured himself a cup.

"It's fine. I was a bit mad at first, but... Barton has been wearing her down for a while, and she told me that she wasn't expecting to have a good time with me. It was supposed to be pretend so I understand her keeping her options open to his intentions.” Steve took a drink of his coffee and shrugged. “But she chose me, Natasha. Not in any permanent or especially important sense, but.. I asked her to go out with me again and she said 'yes', even after her whole event with Clint. That means something."

"Maybe she wanted to have you both?" Natasha could tell from the smell that Steve had made the coffee 'Army strong'.

Steve shook his head. "That's not her style. She's shy, reserved, not a two-timer. She wanted to date me. She wanted respect, not someone aggressively trying to bed her."

"I just want you to remember that you have only been on one date with this girl. You barely know her."

"I will keep that in mind, Natasha."

**********************

"All right, talked my plan through with Fury, he seemed convinced. We are gonna head to the Playground." Clint said as he walked into the lounge half an hour later.

"Which is?" Banner asked.

"Top secret base in a location I can't tell you. It's got a lab with everything Cassie would need to analyse her blood. Loki will be watching us, we lead them there."

"Why the hell would we lead them there if it’s got everything she needs?" Tony asked, his eyebrows pulling close to each other.

"Because there is a small group of SHIELD agents there, one of 'em is very important to her."

"Her ex? She said he died." There was a break in Steve's voice. He'd been lied to.

"He did, but this is SHIELD we're talking about. They brought him back with an experimental procedure based on alien tech. He's alive and mostly well. She sees him, remembers who she is, we fuck up Loki. Pretty simple." Clint ran down the plan quickly.

"How do you know who her ex was?" Rogers asked, defensively.

"I've known her for years." Barton dismissed.

"You keep saying that, but she doesn't have friends, Clint. She didn't take any personal mementos from her apartment except a blanket and a photo album. She doesn't have people, Barton." Tony clarified.

"I said, I've known her for years, not that we've been friends. It was my job to know her, everything about her."

"She was a mission." Natasha wasn't asking.

"She was the daughter of Red Skull and she was fucking a high level SHIELD agent. Fury would've been an idiot to let her out into the world without surveillance." Clint snapped.

"So your job was to follow a twenty year old girl and her boyfriend around?" Bruce seemed appalled.

"Just her, and only until she left him. Fury didn't feel she was worth the manpower afterwards. He thought I was of better use on the Tesseract project."

"She said he found someone else." Steve sighed, upset about the way she’d lied, but also that Fury had been watching her.

"He did, but he wasn't going to dump her. He isn't the type to break hearts. She saw that he'd be happier with the other woman, so she got a transfer to New York while he was on a mission. Dear John note and all that. Now, can we focus? Playground Base."

"Grab a go bag and suit up." Tony announced.

Widow walked up to Clint as he packed his bow and arrows of many different types. "So, did you decide that you wanted to get her in bed while you were spying on her for Fury or after?"

Clint didn't turn to the arrogant-sounding woman behind him. "I watched this woman for almost two years, Nat. I know her. Probably better than she knows herself. I watched her learn to live in the real world for the first time. I watched her thrive. I saw her match wits with the men in Stark's labs and I saw them begin to love her. I watched her become better and better." He straightened and looked the Russian in the eye. "I watched her swell with excitement when she learned she had created life with the only man she'd ever loved. And I watched her decide not to tell him, not to use that child against him, so that he could be happy with someone else. I saw her take the three material things she gave a damn about and sandwich them between the few outfits she could fit in her suitcase and leave everything else behind. I watched her write that letter. I could recite it to you if I wanted. She blamed herself 'cause she didn't want him to feel guilty. She is this amazing, intelligent, beautiful, selfless woman and I handed her to Loki."

The regret in his voice made Natasha falter. The petty feeling she'd been holding onto disappeared. "You didn't have any control of that."

"Yeah, I can use that for most things. I can write off the things I did in the past because I'm making up for them now. I can ignore the things I've done for SHIELD because the ends justify the means. I can forget the men I killed, the things I did under Loki's thrall because it wasn't really me, but not this. Not her." Clint shook his head. "There is no redemption on this. Loki took this perfect woman and broke her. This isn't about bedding her, Natasha. It's about fixing her."

"And if Steve is the tool to make those repairs?"

Clint looked down. "Then he is. Or Phil is. If it's not me, so be it. I just can't leave her undone."

Natasha nodded and Clint began to walk away. "And the baby?"

He turned back, slinging the bag and his bow onto his back. "Loki couldn't have his woman carrying another man's child. Why do you think he was so rough?"

[raendown]

Chapter 70

@redhothollyberries I couldn’t help but write the whole thing. I was inspired. The latest chapter of the Soulmate Collection is the rather unique pairing of Tobirama/Tobirama. Yeah. Yeah you read that right. ;)

Under the cut or on AO3!

Pairing: TobiramaTobirama Soulmate au: The one where you have the age you will be when you meet your soulmate on your wrist

He was in the middle of a meeting of the village’s clan heads when it happened, a bright flash of light and the cracking, rending sound of space and time being torn apart. Every person in the room leapt away from the source, assuming battle stances and bringing to hand the weapons that they weren’t technically supposed to have on them during these meetings.

When the light cleared they were all left blinking in confusion. Why hadn’t Tobirama gotten out of the way like the rest of them had? He was standing in the center of the room, looking around with no more than a mildly curious expression. Something was off, however. Tobirama had come to the conference in formal robes, just as the rest of them had. So how was he now wearing nothing more than casual dark pants and a short sleeved yukata top, mesh undershirt peeking out from beneath?

“Fascinating,” Tobirama murmured.

“Rather,” an identical voice answered from one corner of the room. “I hadn’t thought it worked.”

Heads whipped around to see a second Tobirama. This one was obviously the original, he was dressed the same as before and he was standing in front of his brother, guarding the Hokage like a good sibling should. He didn’t look at all distressed by having a copy of himself staring him right in the face however. It’s possible he was used to it as the creator of the Kage Bunshin which had immediately been forbidden upon its conception.

But where did this one come from? The only man in the room who knew how to work this jutsu had been standing in front of them all and outlaying the itinerary of their discussions that day. If he had made any hand signs everyone in the room would have seen it. He was fast but not that fast.

Both Tobiramas hummed as the original stepped forward to walk around the copy, inspecting him from all angles. “It was an instant process for you?”

“It was. I certainly hope you kept your notes on this,” the copy replied.

“Of course. Do I ever dispose of my notes?”

“No. True. You say you believed this to be a failure?”

“There was no indication of success. I thought the clone to have dispersed sometime during the journey. I had many speculations as to why the memories were never returned to me.”

“Shall I disperse now?”

“I have other questions first.”

Heads whipped back and forth, from speaker to speaker, as the rest of the gathering watched Tobirama converse with himself as though this were an everyday occurrence. It was Madara who ran out of patience first – not that this was such a large surprise. Madara was rather notorious for his lack of patience, even more so around the younger Senju brother.

“Enough!” the head of the Uchiha clan snapped. “What the hell is going on?” Both Tobirama’s turned to give him a long-suffering look.

“This experiment is integral to the future of shinobi-kind as we know it and I will thank you to keep your unwanted nose out of things that are above your cognitive abilities,” the original scolded him. Madara bristled.

“You say that about every one of your damned experiments and how many of them have been deemed too dangerous to use?”

Tobirama huffed and both he and his double crossed their arms. “You always get louder when you understand less.” They both smirked. “Not an attractive trait, Uchiha, but very telling.”

Madara growled and his fingers curled in to claws as he stepped forward to attempt thrashing the impertinent Senju. Luckily for the furniture and everyone else in the room, Hashirama stepped in to stop him before he got too far.

“I think it would be best to postpone the meeting until this new matter has been dealt with,” their Hokage said to the room at large. “Shall we reconvene tomorrow at nine o’clock?” He plastered on his most diplomatic smile and utilized his most reasonable tone, the combination that usually tricked people in to believing he really was a responsible adult that was capable of running an entire village without the dramatics of a five year old.

It was obvious that the other clan heads had no desire to leave. They were curious to see what would happen and hear an explanation as to why this copy had appeared so suddenly and spectacularly in to the middle of their conference. But they did as they were bidden to anyway and allowed themselves to be herded out of the room, throwing strange looks over their shoulders at the two identical men standing in identical stances.

Once Hashirama closed the door behind the Nara representative, however, he bound across the room towards his brother with an excitable grin.

“Cool, Tobi!” He declared with unmitigated glee. “So where did he come from?”

“The past, actually,” Tobirama answered. His copy nodded.

“It was an experiment trying to modify the hiraishin seal I use for my teleportation,” the second Tobirama explained. “I was attempting to go faster, break the limits of time. I set a seal upon myself and attempted to summon myself forward in time. I was not expecting to go so far forward, however. How long has it been exactly?”

“Six months,” the original answered.

The clone looked down at his wrist, at the bold ink that depicted the number 25 on his skin. “Still of the same age then. And have you…?” The original Tobirama shook his head.

“No, I’ve not found them yet.”

“Ah.”

“Hold on!” Hashirama waved his hands around while Madara strolled over to settle at his side. He hadn’t left with the others but no one had actually expected him to. “You mean to say that you sent yourself forward in time!?”

Both Tobiramas shook their heads while the original answered. “A clone of myself. If I had sent my actual self forward I would have disappeared, brother.”

“I…oh. That’s true, isn’t it?” Hashirama scratched at his head. “So, this means the experiment was a success then? You’ve actually invented time travel?”

“Yes and no. It did not work as intended. I would require much more experimentation in order to feel safe allowing actual people to try this but I stopped the research because it was heading in to a dangerous area. Time travel, brother. Even if I could make it work, imagine the implications if my research were stolen? It’s an area far safer left alone.” He stopped when Madara snorted.

“It’s unlike you to actually think of how your actions will affect others,” Madara sneered. “Are you sure you’re feeling well, bastard?”

“Madara!” Hashirama pouted at his friend. “Be nice! But you’re right, Tobi. I didn’t think of that. So…now that he’s here…what are you going to do?”

Tobirama shrugged. “We spoke while you were clearing the room. I’ve asked all the questions I need to. Unless you have more to ask yourself, I shall allow him to disperse. It’s good to know that I succeeded where I had thought I failed. Unfortunately I am still of the opinion that this topic is far too dangerous to delve in to.”

“I doubt I have any questions that you didn’t already ask except…” He hesitated as he looked to the copy of his brother. “What did it feel like? Time travel?” The copy shrugged.

“I felt the same as any other teleportation I have done. Perhaps the pulling sensation was a bit more intense. But it was nearly instantaneous and I was unaware at first that I had gone so far forward. I was only meant to jump a few seconds, minutes at most.” The two Tobiramas hummed and gave each other a look of disappointment. “It was meant for use in battle and it’s regrettable that it cannot be used so.”

“Oh.” Hashirama looked a little disappointed at the anticlimactic answer. “Then, no I suppose I don’t have any more questions.”

The clone nodded, then simply stood there for a minute, blinking and looking confused. The original Tobirama tilted his head while his copy make the release seal several times, each with no result. Finally he said, “I cannot seem to disperse.”

“Explain,” Tobirama demanded.

“You are aware, from the memories of previous clones, that there is a sensation to dispersal. The feeling of the chakra leaving your body, returning to it’s original.” He waited for his creator to nod before continuing. “That sensation is not happening. The release seal is attempting to throw my chakra but it has nowhere to go. Perhaps because you are not, in fact, my original creator. You are you, of course, but you are a future version of yourself.”

“And therefore a different person, yes, I see your point. Fascinating.” Tobirama leaned in close, inspecting the mirror image of his own face. “If you are unable to disperse, I wonder if you are permanent. Can you expend and recover chakra like a normal human? Can you take a wound without disappearing? Can you bleed and heal?”

“We should return to the lab and test this,” the copy exclaimed, an excited gleam in his eye.

“Absolutely.”

They both turned for the door, almost startled to see the other two men were still in the room.

“Is there two Tobi’s now?” Hashirama asked faintly. “Forever?

“Kami save us all, tell me it isn’t true,” Madara groaned. Both Tobiramas sighed.

“Perhaps with two of us we’ll finally have enough brainpower to figure out what your problem is, Uchiha,” they grumbled at the same time.

Then they looked at each other with a slight smirk and the original moved to pat his clone proudly on the arm. The moment he touched the clone’s skin, however, the room was lit up with light for the second time. It emanated from the matching marks on both of their wrists, the bold ink that announced to the world that Senju Tobirama would be 25 years old when he met his soulmate.

The light was a sign that one had indeed found their soulmate. Yet, all Tobirama had done was touch his own shadow clone, one created months ago. One which now was unable to dispel itself. The two of them stared at each other, then at the ink that was slowly turning red on their wrists, both of their minds racing.

“And here I thought you could not possibly get any more narcissistic,” Madara said.

“Wha-?” Hashirama looked extremely confused.

“He’s his own soulmate. His soulmate is himself.” Madara snorted in disgust. “Is that not the most narcissistic thing you’ve ever heard?”

Both Tobiramas continued to blink at each other, questions and theories running rampant through their minds. After a few minutes, though, they both came to the same conclusion: who else would be able to keep up with Tobirama but himself? No one else’s mind could match his own; no one else’s speed could match his own; no one else seemed to understand his obsessions or moods. It made sense.

And it seemed as if this moment were fated. If his soulmate was himself then this moment had been preordained, he was always meant to make a miscalculation which would send a shadow clone to the future and strand it there. Which opened up an entire new world of possibilities about fate and destiny and, more importantly, time loops.

“Lab?” his copy asked excitedly.

“Lab,” Tobirama replied.

He would worry about the opinions of others later – or never. He’d never cared about what others thought of him before and he certainly wasn’t about to start now. He was much too preoccupied with the world that was opening up before his eyes. The things he could do with two of himself. The experiments, the projects, the tests, the advancements.

First thing, however, he needed to discover how hardy this clone was, how permanent. They would need to test chakra capacity, ability, speed, whether he could be injured and heal on his own, whether he was fully human to an ocular dōjutsu.

Actually, he amended mentally as the two of them disappeared with a flicker, the first thing he needed to do was give his clone a name. They couldn’t both be Tobirama.

[allonsysilvertongue]

Silver Pen: Who We Could Be

During a particularly long stretch of writer’s block, Haymitch Abernathy discovered a world of his own making. (AU)

Chapter 7 - Who We Could Be

Haymitch was used to having Katniss and Peeta walking in and out of his house but he made it clear to them that his study room was off limits. Having any of them entering the room would be akin to opening a Pandora box and he couldn’t have that so the room was always locked.

He kept his notes of them and his published novel safe in the study room but he had completely overlooked the library and that was the last place he needed Effie to visit.

Haymitch sincerely doubt that she was interested in any of the books there and that her sole purpose would be to survey the place to include it in the brochure she was making of the town to promote the Village but still, having her in the library would be a risk. A copy or two of The Plague was bound to be there even if the thought no one read it anymore. It was a risk he was not willing to take.

As he went after her, Haymitch made a mental note to check all the copies of the book out. He should have thought of that in the first place.

Annie had a penchant of going to the library to get books for little Finn, and she was already a fan of his children books. It was dangerous.

The familiar sight of loose flowing honey blonde hair and blue dress made him hurried his pace. He caught up with her in front of the shoe shop.

“The library’s boring,” he declared, breathing loudly to catch his breath as he slowed down to a walk next to her.

“Is that so?” she raised an eyebrow. “That’s rich coming from someone who loves to read.”

“You’ve come to that conclusion because….?”

It made her stop walking with a slow exhale of her breath as she gave him an exasperated side-glance. She rummaged through her bag for her purse, retrieved a note and handed it to the young girl minding the small store in exchange for pack of chocolate.

Haymitch had long noticed that she had a sweet tooth.

“I just came from your house, did I not? I saw an entire wall filled with books,” she informed him.

“Right,” he rubbed the back of his neck. “The – uh – the library ain’t… I don’t have good memories of that place.”

“I did not know that and I’m sorry that your memories of it are less than stellar,” she told him sincerely, “but I want to have a look. I am not asking you to come with me. Besides, you were the one who said that you wanted to stay home. Why are you here?”

“To tell you not to go to the library,” he admitted. “I’ve been there numerous times. I grew up in this town so I know the library like the back of my hand. It hasn’t changed much so I can tell you whatever you need to know ‘bout it from memory.”

Effie handed him the chocolate bar with a quiet amusement playing on her face. Breaking off a piece, Haymitch glanced her way and waited.

“You are rather passionate in hating the library,” she mused. “Do you want to tell me why?”

“I don’t hate the library,” he rolled his eyes. “I just – It’s a reminder… of what I failed.”

Her brows knitted together in confusion.

“What do you mean? Is it your… job? What is it that you do exactly?” she asked and he winced at the barrage of questions. “We’ve never talked about this and all this while that I know you, you are always around. Does this have anything to do with the library?”

The grimace must be apparent on his face because Effie touched his arm in an apologetic gesture.

“I write,” Haymitch confessed as they stood by the sidewalk leading to the town’s square.

There was no point hiding it anyway. Annie and Finnick were perfectly aware of that fact having read most of the books he wrote for children. Truth be told, he was still surprised that they had not come across The Plague yet but it would only be a matter of time if he did not take steps to have that book removed. The novel told the story of the fall of the rebellion and made no mention of Finnick’s and Annie’s family but it was still the world where they came from which means there would be a probability that they might come across something familiar in relation to their past.

“You’re a writer?” she exclaimed. “How exciting! Have you published numerous books? What are you working on now?

“Uh, a novel – no title yet,” he said which wasn’t exactly a lie. “I’m trying to get it published.”

He carefully avoided any mention of The Plague that was published years before because unlike the Odairs, the Trinket family was actually featured in that first novel.

Ever since he wrote her to life, it made him wonder if she knew that her grandparents had financed the rebels during the Dark Days and if that family history was passed down to her. Only a select few knew that fact, of course, but it would be vital information that he would have revealed to the likes of Katniss, Peeta and Finnick in the sequel. If he ever wrote it, that is.

Unless… She was existing in a separate plane which was what he had thought before but dismissed it as an insane theory.

"I do not understand, Haymitch,” she frowned. “If you are a writer as you claimed to be, then why are you so adverse to the library?”

“The only books I’ve got published are children’s literature. We’ve all got to start somewhere, yeah? But I’ve been stuck there for years and I can’t … I can’t get anything new for a different target audience,” he said.

Again, that was not exactly a lie. He was having the worst writer’s block and he was not getting anywhere at the moment. It frustrated him to no end.

“I wrote those children’s stuff for my brother when I was a young man. My teacher noticed it, helped me get it out to a publisher. I’ve got those books in there in the library but I want something more, you know?”

“I understand, Haymitch,” she nodded. “Perhaps, you are just putting too much pressure on yourself. Inspiration, I believe, comes during the most unexpected of time, you will see. Sometimes… during a shower,” her eyes glinted.

He laughed. “You just want me to take a shower.”

With a grin, Effie looped an arm around his. “Let’s go for a walk - how about the meadow?”

Anything than the library, he thought.

“You have a family?” he asked, partly due to his curiosity from earlier.

“Yes, of course,” she smiled good-naturedly. “Parents – Lysandra and Stefan Trinket -” she informed him and he nodded because Stefan Trinket existed as a young man in The Plague, “and two older siblings; a brother and sister. My nephew is a little older than Finn.”

“No grandparents?”

She shot him a curious look.

“Oh, no,” she said, staring straight ahead. “They passed.”

They rounded the bend and Effie smiled charmingly at Greasy Sae as they passed by her modest eatery.

“Do you…” Haymitch started and paused, and when her attention was back on him again, he said, “Do you believe in alternate universes? An alternate reality?”

“Is this the writer in you talking?” she teased.

Haymitch shrugged. He needed an explanation for himself more than anything. The characters he wrote were not meant for this world and yet, they were adjusting in it just fine as if they belonged here.

“It’s an interesting concept is all,” he muttered. “Characters that exist in a different universe yet despite that difference still somehow meet each other and their… their fate,” he grappled for that word, “usually follows a certain pattern…”

He stopped and then shook his head.

“I ain’t drunk or anything,” he said defensively, “but I’m not makin’ sense to you, yeah?”

“It does not sound appealing,” she told him gently. “I would like to think that in an alternate reality, my life might turn out to be immeasurably different! Perhaps… My dreams came true and I am now a famous model. If there is another me out there somewhere with that career, then… I envy her very much right now,” she pouted.

“Yeah,” he nodded, perking up a little. “Think about it… In that world, even as someone famous, you might have met Katniss and Peeta or… Finnick and his family. No matter where you go, these people will still be there.”

“So will you,” she pointed out. “Maybe you are not a writer, maybe you are someone else.”

“Maybe,” he indulged her. “That’ll be nice not to struggle to write the next story – just some regular person with a family,” he added the last part quietly.

Share your thoughts!

[krystisyaandwine]

I always think it’s so fascinating to hear the stories of how a writer goes from aspiring to published author. So I am so thrilled to have the incredibly intelligent and witty Caitlin Sangster here on the blog today to tell us a little bit about her own journey! If you’re an aspiring author, I definitely recommend reading what Caitlin has to say.

Caitlin’s debut novel Last Star Burning will be hitting bookshelves on 10/10/17, and it sounds PHENOMENAL, you guys! I was lucky enough to obtain an ARC copy, so I’ll be spending my weekend with this beauty and will have a review posted soon! In the meantime, be sure to check out the description below, add Last Star Burning to those fall TBR lists, and be sure to enter the pre-order giveaway!

Writing Journey Q&A with Caitlin Sangster

1. How old were you when you first started writing, and were there any books specifically that made you want to start writing yourself?

I started writing in middle school. I loved Tamora Pierce’s Song of the Lioness books and pretty much tried to rewrite them, complete with twins, dressing up like a boy and magic. I suppose there are lots of books out there with a lot of those same elements, but my attempts were pretty much scene for scene copies, only with misspellings. I tried co-writing a book in seventh grade with a friend of mine—I’d write one chapter, she’d write the next—which was my first and last foray into contemporary lit. The only thing I remember about that book is there was a car accident, and also a main character boy with long red hair that was also somehow black at the roots. And that my friend was very, very proud of having come up with that.

2. How many manuscripts did you complete before you wrote Last Star Burning?

I didn’t seriously sit down and write a whole book start to finish until I wrote Last Star Burning, so technically none, I guess.

3. Can you tell us about what the process of querying was like for you and how you came to sign with your current agent?

It’s actually kind of funny to remember my first queries. I was so naively hopeful and had done almost no research on how to write queries or even how to go about looking for an agent. I think my first query letter didn’t even directly address whoever I sent it to, and was probably in three different fonts. I had no idea what I was doing, and got the sorts of responses you’d expect (chilling silence).

Another fun fact: I was querying a dystopian novel in a flooded dystopia market. I figured out the querying part and how not to make myself look like an idiot (for the most part. I hope.), but I got lots of “I don’t think I can sell this in the current market” types of responses. I still remember my first partial request. There was a lot of jumping up and down and screeching . . . and it didn’t go anywhere. After a long hard six months-ish of querying I saw a plug for Victoria Wells-Arms from some big-wig agent on Twitter. She’d just moved over to the agenting side of things from Bloomsbury, I queried her . . . and it was just a good fit. A few other agents were reading for me at the time, but she just seemed to click with me. I liked her. It’s almost sort of anti-climatic. After so many months and so many revisions and so much rejection, she just picked it up and said “yep. I like this.” When I asked if she was worried about the dystopia market being flooded, she said, “I like your writing, Caitlin. If this one doesn’t sell because dystopia’s out, you’ll write another one and we’ll sell that.”

4. Did you receive any rejections either from agents or publishers for Last Star Burning or any other manuscripts you’ve written? If so, how did you get yourself to keep pushing forward?

Rejection? Me? Why would you think a terrible thing like that?

As you can probably guess from what I said about finding my agent, I could probably build a house with all of my rejection letters. I understand now that I went at publishing in just about the most difficult way possible. Cold querying, while it’s possible to succeed, is a long, lonely, bumpy road. There are so many resources out there, writers who want to help those who are just starting, conferences, in-person pitch sessions… I just didn’t know. And I have the rejection letters to prove it.

I did learn something very valuable in that process though. Agents and editors say their rejection of your work is subjective, but it doesn’t feel that way. It feels personal. Thing is, it is subjective. Agents only take on work they are over-the-moon excited about. They might like what you’re writing, but unless it’s that elusive, best-thing-I’ve-ever-read unicorn for that specific agent, then they won’t put their time into it . . . and you wouldn’t want them to represent your work anyway. Out of all the books I personally like, there are only a few that have that sparkly, fabulous, written just for me feeling, and remembering that keeps it in perspective for me.

And, for times I don’t great about that explanation, I run. A lot. It’s really helpful to have a hobby where the only gatekeeper is me. I can set goals and succeed without reference to anyone else. No one has to like my running. I choose how long and how far I want to go, and then I do it. For some reason that always seems to blunt the edge of the publishing industry in my mind.

5. What has your experience with being a 2017 debut author been like so far?

It’s kind of been like coming home. I found a whole group of people whose eyes do not glaze over when I start talking about character sympathy and redemption arcs. The writing community, especially where I live in Utah, is such a warm, inclusive, wonderful place to be. On a wider scale, debuting right when things like Own Voices are gaining momentum and representation in books is getting the scrutiny it deserves, I feel like I have had so many opportunities to listen and grow and . . . just expand not only as a writer but as a person. I stepped into the larger writing community at one of those necessary painful growing stages, and I’m glad I get to grow along with it.

About Last Star Burning

Title: Last Star Burning

Author: Caitlin Sangster

Pub. Date: October 1o, 2017

Publisher: Simon Pulse

Pages: 400

Sev is branded with the mark of a criminal—a star burned into her hand. That’s the penalty for being the daughter of the woman who betrayed their entire nation.

Now her mother’s body is displayed above Traitor’s Arch, kept in a paralyzed half sleep by the same plague that destroyed the rest of the world. And as further punishment, Sev is forced to do hard labor to prove that she’s more valuable alive than dead.

When the government blames Sev for a horrific bombing, she must escape the city or face the chopping block. Unimaginable dangers lurk outside the city walls, and Sev’s only hope of survival lies with the most unlikely person—Howl, the chairman’s son. Though he promises to lead her to safety, Howl has secrets, and Sev can’t help but wonder if he knows more about her past—and her mother’s crimes—than he lets on.

But in a hostile world, trust is a luxury. Even when Sev’s life and the lives of everyone she loves may hang in the balance.

Enter the Giveaway!

Click below to enter this pre-order giveaway for a copy of Last Star Burning.

Open Internationally

Giveaway ends at midnight on 08/16/17.

About Caitlyn

From Caitlyn’s Website

Caitlin Sangster grew up in the back woods of California and would rather go hiking, running, swimming, or general outdoorsing than just about anything else. If there aren’t any mountains, it doesn’t count as a real place. At eighteen, she moved to XinJiang, and at twenty-one it was Taiwan. She did eventually buckle down and graduate from Brigham Young University with a BA in Asian Studies and is now that person you avoid at parties because she’ll probably start talking about Shang dynasty oracle bones.

Caitlin has been writing since middle school. She always thought of it as a silly sort of compulsive habit until she realized that people like reading stories and she liked writing them and there wasn’t much silly about that.

She currently lives in Utah with her husband and four children.

Have you guys pre-ordered Last Star Burning yet? What are your most anticipated fall releases? 

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The Writing Journey of LAST STAR BURNING Author Caitlin Sangster + Giveaway! I always think it's so fascinating to hear the stories of how a writer goes from aspiring to published author.