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hms-chill · 4 years

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The Long Way

A nice fun Liam/Spencer fic, because these boys deserve the world.

Summary: (Alternately titled “SOMEONE GIVE LIAM A HUG” or “Stronk Farm Boyfriends”)Liam’s just finishing up vet school, and he’s a month shy of achieving the thing he’s been working for since he was a kid. When he gets called out to a farm to witness a calf birth and notices something wrong, under-researched, and curable, it’s the perfect thing to treat and document so he can write a paper that will jump-start his career. Of course, the fact that the calf is owned by a cute dairy farmer doesn’t hurt, either.

Chapter one // Chapter two // Chapter 3 // Chapter 4 // On AO3

Chapter 5

They climb out of the truck, and the sun is out, and Liam feels like a different person than he was when they got in. Somehow, it's like he's let all his questions, fears, and doubts fall away, shutting them up as he shuts the truck's door. Hopefully, they'll disappear into whatever void exists under and between car seats and never be seen again. Spencer and the picnic basket lead the way to a table, and Liam follows with his backpack slung over a shoulder. It's only once Spencer starts unpacking the picnic basket and urging him to eat that Liam realizes how hungry he is.

"Dude, have you eaten anything today?" Spencer asks. There's a hint of joke in his tone, but the foundation is worried.

"I... had breakfast, I think. One of the side effects of withdrawal was nausea, so I... it wasn't exactly motivating to eat, especially when it's just ramen again." That's supposed to be a joke, sort of, a play on the starving student stereotype. But Spencer just looks worried, and Liam scrambles to reassure him. "I'm fine. It's... it's not a big deal or anything; now that I'm back on the meds I should be fine. Just a week of your mom's food spoiled me. Before y'all, I hadn't had a real home-cooked meal in... god, eight years I think? I mean, my friends and I made stuff, but nothing with the same effort and love baked in."

It's not a big deal, but Spencer looks even more concerned. "Oh no. That’s... my mom is going to make you so much food when she finds out; you have no idea.”

“Don’t... you don’t have to tell her." Liam says quickly, trying not to think about how much he already owes Spencer's mom. "I... I’d really rather she didn’t worry; she seems sweet but I don’t need... I’m okay. I’m doing fine, and it’s not for much longer if I pass, and you all got me so much already.”

Spencer's quiet for a moment, then he says, "Why don't you come out to the farm after you're done with the test? We can celebrate with more homemade food. They could be there if you want to meet them, or it could be just us and whoever else you want. Up to you."

"I'd like that. Maybe... I don't know if your parents would like me all that much; I'm not exactly... parents don't tend to like me, and I don't want to butt in or anything, but if you want them there then I don't mind."

"Alright; it'll be us and Annie, and I'll make sure to have something home cooked. Anyone else you want to come? We could do a little celebration."

"You... we don't have to make it a thing; it--"

"If you're going to say it isn't a big deal, after how much we both know it's been stressing you out, I'm going to riot. It matters. This is a big thing, and it deserves to be celebrated. And so do you." Spencer looks so confident, and so sure of himself and the absolute fact of what he's just said that Liam can't find anything to say in response. He just looks down at the food in front of him, but even that is a sign of Spencer's kindness, and he's almost overwhelmed with it all.

"Thank you," he says after a moment. "For... everything, not just wanting to celebrate the NAVLE with me. I'm sorry if I'm weird about it; this is... new. For me. But I do appreciate it. So thank you."

“Of course. And I mean it, you do deserve to be celebrated. You’re a really great guy, and you worked so hard for this. We’ll do a special dinner next week, and if you want Bell or anyone there, we’ll have them.”

“I’d like that, but she... she lives a few hours away with my sister, and I wouldn’t want to have to pick her up after the test or take her back between that night and work the next morning. Thank you, though, for thinking of her. If she was closer, I'd definitely want her there."

"Of course." If Spencer's honest with himself, he's always thinking of Bell. Somewhere, in the back of his mind, he's always worried about her and what she'd say. Liam's love for her is as clear as day. He lights up when he talks about her, how she's his girl and he'd do anything to make her happy. He talks about wanting to look after her when she gets old, how they'd grown up together and she'd been there with him through everything. Once, he'd said that she's the only girl he'll ever really love. He is so, so in love with her, and every now and then when he mentions her, Spencer can tell it breaks Liam's heart that they can't be together.

He’s constantly offering to show Spencer pictures of how cute she is, or how gorgeous and regal, but Spencer's always said no. Because if Bell is as stunning and wonderful as Liam says, and if they're really as in love as they seem, then no matter how much of a crush he has, Spencer doesn't stand a chance. At least if he doesn't have to see her, it makes it easier somehow. He can pretend she's not real, or that he and Liam have a shot. If nothing else, he at least doesn't have to see the person Liam's so close to.

"I... I was about to thank you again," Liam says, laughing a bit and pulling Spencer out of his head. "I really don't... it's been a long time since I had someone who'd look out for me like this. I appreciate it a lot."

"Well, you've got me and my parents and our neighbors now; that's at least five people who'd be willing to fight for and love you. And Bell would, too, or at least I hope she would. For how much you love her, I hope she's loving you back."

"Oh, yeah, I mean, she would if she could. She did, back when we were staying together; she helped so much then. I... I swear she's the only reason I'm doing as well as I am today, which isn't saying much, but it... it could be worse, I suppose. It's just harder now, since we're not in the same place."

Spencer nods, and Liam asks about Annie after a moment, so they watch the video of her playing again, then Spencer rambles about things at the farm so Liam can eat. When he's finished, they get his flash cards and study guide, and Spencer listens while he talks about cow poop and horse bacteria and rabbit parasites as the sun sets.

It's more obvious than ever how ready for this test he is. Spencer's known he's smart for a while, but something about the way he answers questions now, the quiet assurance as they flip through flash cards and practice questions, solidifies the fact in Spencer's mind. Liam's going to do well.

"Hey, you're... you're really smart," he says as they come to a break, looking at Liam with a bit of a smile. "I know I've said to before, and I know you don't really believe me, but you're going to crush this test."

"Thanks. I... I hope I'm ready. I just don't want to let anyone down."

"Well, I don't know who else you're talking about, but I'm already really proud of you. And you're working so hard, I bet anyone else would be proud, too."

"Thanks, but it's more... I had to crowdfund this entry fee. That's... that's part of why I'm taking it now instead of in the fall when everyone else did; I had to raise enough. So I just... I don't want to let down the people who helped me out. I couldn't have taken it otherwise, so I... I feel like if I don't do well, it'll be a waste of their money and belief in me."

He's looking down at the notes in front of him, chewing on his bottom lip, but he looks up as Spencer gets up to come around behind him and rub his shoulders. He seems surprised for a second, then leans into it, letting his head fall back onto Spencer's chest as Spencer rubs the tension out of his shoulders.

"I'm sorry I can't make any of this easier, but I can tell you that anyone who helped you get here should and would be so, so proud of you. You're doing your best, and that's all anyone could ask for."

"Thank you," Liam says, letting his eyes close for a second as Spencer works through a particularly tense knot in his shoulder. "That's... I'm trying to believe that."

"If you want, you could come out to the farm tomorrow. I've got some work, but if you wanted to study in the house or a barn, we could find you a place. I might even put you to work when that big brain of yours needs a break."

"I don't want to be in the way," Liam says, but Spencer just shakes his head.

"Nonsense. I mean, you don't have to, obviously, but if you want, it would be nice not to have to eat meals alone. The farm feels empty."

"If you're sure I wouldn't be in the way, I'd like that," Liam says. He's still got his head leaned on Spencer's chest, but despite being upside down, his smile looks almost normal. It's miles better than it was when they'd first met up.

A bit of hair flops down into his face as he and Spencer make eye contact, and he blows at it a bit. It lands in the exact same place, and he blows at it again, going cross-eyed as he stares at it and almost smiling as it flutters above him for a moment. When it falls right back where it was, Spencer takes one hand off Liam's shoulder and brushes it away. As he does, his fingers barely skimming Liam's forehead, their eyes catch again, and for a split second, Spencer can't breathe. He's sure that Liam can hear his heart thumping against his chest, but he can't remember how to make himself care. He can't remember how to do anything but look at Liam's face, taking in the bags under his eyes and the stubble on his chin, the flop of hair on his forehead and the way his lashes fan out when he blinks. But no matter what else he looks at, he keeps being drawn back to Liam's eyes. They're stunning. There's something about them, a fierceness and a light that captivates Spencer. He's aware that he's been looking at Liam for too long, and that he should look away, but somewhere, he realizes that it takes two people to make eye contact, and Liam isn't looking away, either.

Then a crow caws, a little too close to the food, and Spencer looks over to make sure he's not stealing anything important, breaking the spell.

"It's, uh, is it getting late?" Liam asks, moving his head off Spencer's chest to rub the back of his neck as he checks his phone. Spencer gives his shoulders a last squeeze and steps back; they're still tense but better than they were.

"It might feel that way; when did you get up?"

"Oh, definitely way too early. And, you know, it's... it's been a long one. I should probably head home, but, um, if you're sure I won't be in the way, I'll see you tomorrow?"

"That sounds good." They finalize plans as they pack the picnic basket, and Spencer insists that Liam take home the leftovers, so the picnic basket ends up in the back seat of Liam's car next to two care packages and a little cooler of fresh milk and veggies.

On AO3

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#rwrb fanfic #rwrb #liam (rwrb)#Spencer (rwrb)#liam/spencer #the long way #red white and royal blue

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vulnera-sanentura · 4 years

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can you do a piece on DKA in cats? and how fatty liver may occur? we have one in hospital at my clinic and i want to get a bit more educated on it!

Yeah! I plan on doing one on diabetes and DKA! I've just been studying for NAVLE, though I guess that'd still technically count as studying!

I can also do a separate one on fatty liver, a very common disease in cats 😁

#vulnera-sanentura #ask #vetblr #vet school #vet med #cats

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missnoodliness · 5 years

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Ophthalmology

I will preface this with saying that I very much do not like eyes when they go bad. Traumatized eyes turn my stomach a bit. Not sure why, but they always have. It’s the one thing aside from cracking ribs in veterinary medicine that still bothers me.

I was fortunate to have several rotation-mates, which spread out the workload of this busy service. We saw any kind of species that wanted a referral, but were required to take both a large animal case (most common is horses) and a small animal case. I was really let off the hook by being told that I only had to take one horse case due to my allergies (which is the first time in my clinical rotations that has been considered). It was very sad that we did not see any exotics because the rotation before me had rabbits. Rabbits have a cool fundus (see below)! So, I borrowed some equipment to look at Coriander’s fundus which is even better because of his tyrosinase mutation.

Ophthalmology is a lot more subjective than many other specialties I have encountered because there are so many nuances and it’s all about what you can see. I have gotten good at doing a basic ophthalmic exam and I still got to see a lot of every day problems. I know that I will not wait on eyes and I encourage people who see changes in their pet’s eyes to get the problem figured out early.

I learned how to enucleate (surgically remove) an eye relatively quickly. It is not my favorite surgery, but I can do it which is more than I could say before this rotation. As a side note, horses post-enucleation sink in and look like they should be thestrals, so they often opt to insert a prosthetic simply for cosmetic effect.

At this juncture, I have to add that non-bird species do extremely well as blind animals. So often owners want to pursue treatment to ‘save’ vision despite an extremely poor prognosis for return of vision and continued pain for their pet. Our companion species do not rely on sight as heavily as we do. A lot of the owners that came in were not even aware their pet was blind! I remember having a diabetic Golden growing up who we thought was seeing around his cataracts fine until we moved to a new home. They truly have great spatial orientation, remember where things are.

I am currently on my pathology rotation and studying for (panicking about) the NAVLE.

#Vet med #vetblr #vet student #opthalmology #Optho #clinics #cLinical rotations #eyes #enucleation #fundus #animals #rabbits #marshmallow mention #future dvm #7/8

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dogtornugget · 5 years

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Nov 13, 2019

I’m about a week and a half into my four weeks on my Diagnostic Medicine rotation. I have 20 days until I take my NAVLE. I’m simultaneously over studying and not feeling like I’m doing enough.

This morning’s lectures were rough. We had one of my least favorite lecturers come and do some bacteria stuff with us and antimicrobials. I was checked out basically the entire time for her 2 hours. But luckily for the cytology part of my day it wasn’t too bad and we even got out before 3pm. Which means more time with my girl and theoretically more time to study (although it’s currently 4:50p and I still haven’t done anything…I do have VetPrep open and logged in!)

I decided to start this tumblr page up today. Who knows what’ll happen with it; will I keep up with it? Will anyone follow it? Will I even post that I made it? Probably not for a long time if ever. How will I be content with formatting it? Only time will tell.

If you’ve come across this, please hit me up with anything. Questions about vet school, about the profession, about science, about life, about what you’d like to see, for bad jokes, anything. I’m going to go try to study lol.

#dogtor nugget #dr nugget #veterinary #vet #veterinarian #vet student #veterinary student

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drmannimal · 6 years

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So you want to be a veterinarian...

Ask a handful of children what they want to be when they grow up and there’s a good chance that someone will say veterinarian. It has long been a dream career of many animal lovers, but is it right for you?

I fall into the “it’s all I’ve ever wanted to be” category. For as long as I can remember I was telling my parents that I was going to be a veterinarian. Human medicine? No, thank you. While I thought I had a pretty good understanding of veterinary medicine before I started veterinary school, I soon realized I didn’t know it all. That being said, veterinary medicine is definitely the right career for me. This post will go over the process of becoming a veterinarian, and the pros and cons of the job.

How do I become a Veterinarian?

To become a veterinarian, you must attend veterinary school. In North America, these programs are typically four years long.

Pre-Veterinary School Depending on where you live, there are prerequisites you must complete before applying to veterinary school. Many programs require completion of a four year undergraduate degree, taking some specific required courses. Some schools only require 20 prerequisite undergraduate courses (two years) in order to apply. The admissions process is competitive so keeping competitive grades is advantageous, though a 4.0 is not necessary. Good, but not great, grades do not mean you’re immediately cast aside. There are other components to your application. Many applications include veterinary/animal experience and extra circulars. During high school and undergraduate you should participate in a variety of clubs and volunteer activities. This makes you a more well rounded applicant, and also can be quite enjoyable. Some examples: - volunteer at a veterinary clinic: I personally believe everyone should spend time in a veterinary clinic before applying to veterinary school, regardless of importance for application. This will allow you to see what the job actually involves. - volunteer at farms, wildlife clinics, SPCAs etc. - 4-H or similar. - Student government (leadership, communication). - Pre-vet society/club. - Any other club/society on campus, ie. biology society, GSA, yearbook etc. Some schools, especially in the USA, require letters of recommendation. The school may specify who they are looking for letters from (i.e. vet, professor, etc). Make sure you make positive connections with the people you work with in order to allow for a positive recommendation. Finally, standardized testing is required by most veterinary schools, specifically the GRE (Graduate Record Examination). More information about this can be found online.

As a Canadian student, you may only apply to your regional Canadian school, unless you would like to apply internationally. As an American student, you can apply to a large number of schools within your county. Research each school as many have specific areas of interest, different cost, different living style etc. After applying to veterinary school, many schools will then invite candidates for an interview. The type of interview varies depending on the school so make sure you look into the specifics of each school you will be interviewed at. Veterinary School I will give you specifics of my education as an example, though all veterinary schools differ. In general, be prepared for a lot of work. You will be taking many classes at once. For example, I was often taking 10 courses per semester. Many of these courses included a laboratory component. A large number of classes equates to a large amount of home preparation and studying. Midterm season at my school was typically weeks long. The work load is certainly manageable, don’t let that alone scare you off, though it does take a lot of dedication and planning. The most important piece of advice I have in regards to course load is to make sure you still find time for yourself. Without taking care of yourself and constantly studying, you will burnout. My school had three years of course work, followed by one year of clinical practice. During the three pre-clinical years, we did have exposure to animals throughout labs and shifts in the clinic. We first perform surgery in third year under supervision of the course doctors. For the most part, the pre-clinical years followed a pretty general schedule (other than surgery duties). Starting class at 8 and being done by 4. There are opportunities outside of courses to get involved with clinical/medical activities. Veterinary school have a large variety of clubs that may offer these extra opportunities - ie. pathology club necropsies, exotic animal club medical producers, internal medicine club cadaver labs... There may be opportunity with a local stray spay/neuter program through your school to get extra experience with surgery as well. Clinical year is a whole new ball game. At my school the year was broken into three week segments. Each segment you are placed somewhere new - i.e.. three weeks in the surgery department, three weeks in radiology, three weeks at an external clinic of your choosing... This year takes you away form the classroom and puts you into “doctor” mode. Keep in mind that each veterinary school operates on a different schedule (some introducing clinical earlier in the program) and that this is my personal experience. What your duties are will depend on the school as well. During my clinical year, student are involved in client communication, history taking, diagnostic planning, treatment administration, clinical skills, participation in surgery, etc. All under direct supervision. The hours for this portion of schooling are not predictable and definitely do not run 8-4. Many placements include after hours care of the patients, on-call work, lengthly paperwork, etc. All while studying for the dreaded NAVLE. Even though it was often dreadful, clinical year was my favourite year of veterinary school. Everything started to come together and honestly, it was a lot of fun.

NAVLE In North America, in order to practice veterinary medicine, you must past the licensing examination, the NAVLE. This is a 360 question multiple choice test that encompasses everything you have studied throughout veterinary school. Your school will help you apply and register when the time comes. You will technically be preparing for the NAVLE all of veterinary school but will specifically study for it in your final year. There are preparatory courses that you may purchase and your school may host review classes. The test is written in December and April.

So those are the cliff-notes of how to become a veterinarian. Feel free to reach out to me if you have any questions, would like clarification or would like me to go further into detail.

So after all of that, what are the pros and cons?

Lets not beat around the bush, starts with the cons:

Debt - veterinary school is NOT cheap and the income does not match the level of debt obtained. The majority of students will graduate with $100,000-$200,000+ in debt. This is not unmanageable, though it can be daunting.

Extensive training - veterinary school is not easy, and it is not for everyone. You will need to be knowledgeable about many species and many subjects.

Working with owners - “I want to be a vet because I don’t like people”, just no. This is a customer service career. You will speak to people every day. You will have to convince people to spend hundreds or thousands of dollars on their pets. You will get yelled at, told you’re in it for the money, probably threatened at some point.

Working within a budget - unlike human doctors, we really need to think about the cost of each and every thing we do. You will often have owners come in with $100 dollars to their name and a very sick animal, you need to figure out what the options are in each instance.

Euthanasia - many people find this one of the more difficult parts of the job. I personally believe it’s how you look at it. Euthanasia can be a wonderful gift. I do not euthanize healthy animals.

Work-place hazards - our patients can be aggressive and difficult to handle. This is often due to stress or being scared, but it is a danger to veterinary staff. You need to understand how to read signals and prevent dangerous situations from happening. Veterinarians are also exposed to chemicals, radiation, heavy lifting etc.

Hours - depending on where you work, the hours can be gruelling. Not everyone has the luxury of a 40 hour work week. We often stay late (for no extra pay) finishing cases, tending to patients, calling clients, doing paperwork, etc. Many veterinarians must perform on-call duties. This may lead to 2 hours of sleep between shifts.

Responsibility - every decision we make is life or death. The type of drug, the dose, surgery, etc. The job carries a huge amount of responsibility that can be very stressful for certain people.

Ok, so despite all of that, I’m still a veterinarian. I still love my job. Why?

Debt - yes, I have a huge amount of debt. Is it manageable, yes. There are many people in the world who have more debt than me. I hate that its becoming normal for people to have debt, but it is.

Extensive training - vet school sucked, but it was also awesome. I know so much about so many things. I’m proud of the level of knowledge I gained while in vet school. I’m proud of the person I have become through my extensive training.

Working with owners - the vast majority of my clients are absolutely wonderful. There are owners that light up my day, that I look forward to talking to, that remind me how much I love my job. We have many lovely reviews written about us, cards sent in, treats brought in for staff etc. For every person that gets mad at me for cost, there are many more that are understanding and work with me to find a solution within their budget

Working within a budget - this is a con no matter what way you look at it, though I can say that when you’re willing to work with owners and help them within their means, they are often very thankful. There are many cases you can help within a tight budget.

Euthanasia - I tell every owner that euthanasia is a gift. We get to take away pain and suffering. This makes it much easier for me to deal with this on a daily basis.

Work-place hazards - proper training and education can help minimize hazards. Low stress handling, proper restraint etc.

Hours - not every job has horrible hours. I work, on average 40 hours a week. Some days I stay a little late to finish up, but it usually doesn't bother me. Yes, I do on-call but it is not very often. I have a great work life balance. You need to take this into consideration when looking for a job.

Responsibility - you get to call the shots, you get to save lives, help pets, help owners. You do not have to do it alone. There are so many resources out there to help. It’s definitely scary and daunting the first few years out, but its also very satisfying. Confidence grows day by day.

You get to live you dream job.

You get to be a part of an amazing team that shares the same goals as you.

You get to impact the lives of so many people and their pets.

You get to be an ambassador of the animals.

You get to go to work and learn something new every single day.

So, still think veterinary medicine is for you? Reach for the stars <3

#veterinary medicine #veterinarian #vet #vetmed #vetblr #vet student #vet school #veterinary #veterinary school

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vet-in-progress · 6 years

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How to survive vet school: The NAVLE

Now that results are out and I know I passed I figured I’d offer some tips and advice on what I did to survive and study for the NAVLE!

Disclaimer: this is what worked for me and everything is my own personal opinions. Not everything works for everyone, do what works best for you.

How I studied

September

I took an ICVA practice ($50) at the beginning to see where I was at and what I need to work on! These exams are 200 questions (you don’t get to see what you got wrong) and they give you a predicted score (range) and a break down of species and how you did on them! I found this incredibly helpful because I knew I should focus more on equine than cats. Pro-tip -- if taking tests without knowing things will freak you out more than it will help skip this step, but I find it incredibly helpful

Casual practice question taking everyday, do the question of the day emails (Zuku/Vetprep)

October

More practice questions every day I did 40-50 most days

Started reviewing my power pages and power lectures

I want to emphasize I did this when I had time and at this point I spent 1-2 nights a week dedicated for studying. At no point was I in the library 8 hours a day... during October

November (test month 24 days to go)

Ramp up studying mostly practice questions, practice exams, reviewed the power lectures/pages on questions I got wrong. I spent a solid 8 hours per weekend in the library studying (note not all my time was spent studying because you need to be a human too!)

Two weeks out I did a second ICVA practice test

Night before exam

Got dinner, threw a TV show on in the back ground and casually did some practice questions to keep my nerves in check (I needed to feel like I was doing something but at this point there is nothing you can do to really change what happens)

During the exam

Went through a series of questions where I’m like “hell ya doing great” and periods of “oh F I’m going to fail” this is natural

I forced myself to take breaks after two blocks (120 questions) After four blocks I started taking breaks between each

Pro-tips

You will never feel prepared no matter what

Study with friends whenever possible, make studying more enjoyable. I couldn't have gotten through this without my people.

You will feel like you failed the exam (before and after), you likely won’t feel better when its over and that really blows

You have worked hard for the past 3.5 years, likely you will pass. The odds are in your favour. Don’t give up your life in pursuit of NAVLE studying. It’s a serious exam but you can still have a life.

It doesn't matter if you choose VetPrep or Zuku they’re almost the same thing. I prefer VetPrep to Zuku because the interface is more professional and I found the questions more similar to the actual NAVLE format. I also know someone who passed without taking anything.

#vet school #vet student #studyblr #smartblr #mine #original #vet #PreVet

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crisscrosscutout · 7 years

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The burnout has really slammed me this week. I still have a whole week left of equine and I get to be in the ICU group that covers next weekend…. the semester officially ends next Friday but not for me, nope, I will be at the equine hospital until Monday morning, three days after the end of the semester. I won’t get to celebrate the end of core rotations and the death of the NAVLE with my friends (who I never see because Equine is such an isolationist rotation), I don’t get to say bye to everyone before they head home, I don’t get to GO home. I haven’t had time off since May, I’ve been studying for the NAVLE since March, rotations have been all day every day and some nights, my grandmother died over the summer, I had a week where i was gasping for air and had three trips to the hospital and a few panic attacks, Hell i took the goddamn NAVLE AND applied for my licence. I’m exhausted, i can feel myself unable to absorb any information, i cannot care any more, I’m so tired and i don’t want to hear clinicians be like “students have it so easy now, back in my day—“ fuck right off I do not care I’ve been run into the ground since January. I wake up every day and dread being back on Equine, I hate it there.

I’ve taken two days off during rotations, One was a trip to the emergency room and the other was the NAVLE. I don’t miss days because I will have at least an anxiety attack over missing school. I won’t take a day unless I’m given one or dying because of anxiety, which is why I am especially bitter about staying an extra fucking weekend more than every other student at the entire goddamn university. I don’t get paid, that’s my fucking time off, I’m not employed I don’t get benefits or control over time off, I am entitled to be bitter and caustic about the fact that the first four days of my ONLY goddamn vacation have been taken away.

#I’m having a Rough Time #like seriously #if I got kicked in the head by a horse I’d be grateful to be sent home #I don’t actively want to die or get hurt but Jesus I’m at my limit and dead is a neutral welfare state #boring post

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hms-chill · 4 years

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The Long Way

A nice fun Liam/Spencer fic, because these boys deserve the world.

Chapter one // Chapter two // On AO3

Chapter 3

The next morning, Spencer wakes up to a note telling him that the cows have been fed, milked, loved, and let out to pasture, and that Liam had cleaned the milking parlor as well as he could before he had to leave, but that someone else should probably look it over and make sure he did it well enough. It also tells him that he has a temperature and is supposed to stay in bed and ask his parents to come look after him and supervise things today, and it promises that Liam will come by that night with soup, medicine, and popcorn if Spencer's feeling up to it. He texts Liam his thanks, and Liam responds with a picture of a dog he's looking after and a reminder to stay in bed and let himself be taken care of. It's not something Spencer's particularly good at, but he obeys Liam's orders, letting his parents come out to run the farm for the day while he naps and does some work from bed.

That night, Liam arrives with a container of frozen soup and a bag full of painkillers, Tylenol, and other medicine cabinet staples. He makes Spencer sit and watch while he heats up soup on the stove, putting another container in the freezer before Spencer can argue. He refuses to listen when Spencer says he can restock his own medicine cabinet, or when Spencer tries to tell him to study for the NAVLE while he stirs the soup. At this point, it's only a week or two away, and Spencer's seen the test prep books and the notes scattered around the back of video calls and in his car. He's gotten glimpses of how hard Liam's working, but tonight, Liam refuses to study, instead getting Spencer settled on the couch, then coming over with bowls of soup and settling on the opposite end, which is apparently enough space between them that he doesn't have to worry about getting sick. He insists Spencer pick a movie for them to watch, something lighthearted that he's seen before, and when it turns out Liam's never seen Treasure Planet, Spencer pulls that up for them to watch with their soup. Even as he finishes dinner and feels the tiredness of being sick start to set in, he keeps his eyes open, fighting against yawns and drooping eyelids to watch Liam react to Jim's adventures.

Spencer's exhaustion is just starting to win against his desire to watch Liam finish the movie when he notices what might be tears on Liam's cheeks. That wakes him up enough to turn back to the TV, and he sees Jim and Long John Silver talking. He forces himself awake enough to pay attention, and it's a moment he always loved as a kid. He can quote it word for word, and for years, he had a poster that said "you've got the makings of greatness in you" on his wall. It's the first time in the movie when Jim's felt good at what he does, and maybe the first time in years he's been told he's not just a mess, and Spencer remembers always being happy to see him get a hug. His parents used to hug him at this point, and tell him they loved him. And suddenly, a question about Liam's parents surfaces from the depths of his sleepy mind.

He's not awake enough to formulate it, or to read Liam's expression enough to know if he can ask. He's not sure if he's healthy enough to be allowed to do anything about Liam's tears. But just sitting there feels wrong, too. Slowly, he reaches his foot across the couch to rest it on Liam's. Liam doesn't react, but he doesn't move away, either. Spencer falls asleep with his foot on Liam's, trying to think of a reason for him to cry or a way to ask about it.

Liam had meant to turn the movie off and study when Spencer fell asleep, but somehow, he can't stop watching. Knowing it was one of Spencer's favorite movies from when he was a kid probably doesn't hurt; he can tell himself he's just watching to get to know Spencer better. It's definitely not because he wants to watch Jim achieve his dreams, or to know that he gets to have a home and a family and people who love him even if he's messed up time and time again.

He watches through the end of the movie, and only when the credits are rolling is he able to tear himself away enough to turn it off and gather their dishes. He comes back to the couch to take Spencer to bed but instead finds him just starting to blink awake, pushing himself upright.

"Sorry, I... I didn't mean to fall asleep."

"No, it's alright. You fell right into the trap. The movie was part of my master plan to make you fall asleep early," Liam says, and Spencer smiles though a yawn.

"Did you like it?"

"I did. Now, come on, let's get you to bed."

"What time is it?"

"Bedtime, at least for people with fevers. If you sleep like you have been, you're going to take longer to get better."

"But I wanted to quiz you," Spencer says. His voice is still thick with sleep, and he yawns massively before he can continue, rubbing at his eyes. His hair sticks up in the back, and somewhere, even if he knows he shouldn't, Liam finds it adorable. "I don't want to get you sick, but you can send me your quizlet or your study guide or something and I can quiz you from my laptop. I... if you're going to help me, I want to help you study, and I'm not getting off this couch until you let me."

"Nope, come on," Liam says. He's started trying to pull Spencer up, but Spencer refuses to budge, grabbing on to the back of the couch.

"No! Let me--" he's cut off by a cough, one that has Liam frowning and resting a hand on his forehead.

"If I let you quiz me once, you'll go to bed after?" He asks, and Spencer nods. Liam seems to weigh his options for a moment, then sighs. "Alright. I'll go get my stuff, and if you're awake when I get back from the car, you can quiz me before you go to bed. I don't know what kind of weird deal we just made, but if it'll get you to look after yourself, I'll do it."

"You fell... right into my trap. My master plan to make you study," Spencer says, yawning in the middle of it. Liam rolls his eyes and goes to get his stuff, and he comes back to find Spencer clearly fighting to stay awake. He hands Spencer half his flashcards over the back of the couch, slipping the rest into his bag as he comes to sit down. Spencer doesn't notice, just starts to quiz him, stumbling over the Latin and yawning his way through the longer words. Liam just gets through the flashcards as quickly as they can, then gets Spencer up and to bed before settling down outside his room to keep studying until he's too tired to focus, when he gets up, checks on Spencer one last time, and heads out to the barn to sleep in the hay and sawdust with Annie.

He gets the morning chores taken care of the next day before going home to shower and change, and he texts Spencer that he's looked after things. He's at work when he gets a reply, that Spencer's feeling better but still has a fever, so he's resting again that day if Liam wants to come by and share the rest of the soup. So they fall into another pattern and another set of roles in each other's lives, though Liam's soup is replaced with Spencer's mom's cooking before long. They work their way through Spencer's favorite childhood movies, and Liam studies to a soundtrack of Robin Hood and Aladdin and The Fox and the Hound as Spencer's fever goes down and he falls asleep on the couch. When he's feeling well enough to go back to work, Liam thinks that'll be the end of it. After all, he's helped with what Spencer needs, and now that Spencer doesn't need him anymore, he won't be invited back. But that day at lunch, he gets a text inviting him over for dinner and either a night off or a study session, whichever he wants.

The thought of dedicating a Friday night to the NAVLE when it will already be consuming his weekend makes him want to scream, so he takes Spencer up on the option of a night off, and Spencer asks if he knows how to ride a horse. When Liam pulls up to the ranch that night, he finds Spencer standing outside a barn with two of the horses saddled up and a picnic packed in the saddle bags. They mount up, and Spencer leads the way out toward the pastures, where they can greet the cows and the newest addition to the ranch, a donkey Spencer's neighbors hadn't been able to look after anymore who he's agreed to take care of and let their grandkids visit. The animals are glad to see them, especially Spencer after he's been gone, but there's something special about the fact that they recognize Liam, too. Once they've loved them, though, Spencer leads them further back into the ranch, to land Liam's never seen that they rent out for boy scout camping and other events in the summer and fall. There's a stream and a fish pond, and when Spencer stops them on its banks and pulls out some of his mom's food, they're surrounded by all the gorgeous beauty of the open country that Liam's missed since his family moved into Austin proper.

Spencer asks him about work, and Liam gets to tell him about dogs and cats and a pigeon that someone had brought in for them to help out. He'd asked to be put on the pigeon case, and they'd had to amputate a toe, but Frank the pigeon is out and thriving on the streets of Austin once again. That makes Spencer laugh, a sound that warms Liam from the inside out, making him relax as the NAVLE drifts further and further from his mind. They finish eating as Spencer starts talking about what they do out here, about weddings and camps they've hosted and how he likes to have at least one day a year where they open it up for hiking and catch and release fishing. He shows Liam where groups will set up tents, and talks about how they've thought about horseback tours if they get more horses, or maybe planting corn or pumpkins for fall, though they've never quite gotten around to doing that early enough. Liam just listens to him talk as they ride, hearing not only the words but the way that Spencer's brain works, the way he bubbles over with ways to make people happy and provide for the farm. He talks about the farmer's market every summer, about loyal customers, a girl who always comes to buy cheese curds with a tote bag that has a cow on it and a mom who's been buying milk from him since she was pregnant and now has a three year old. He talks about the woman who he's had a stall next to for two years, an alpaca farmer who sells fiber and will talk your ear off about spinning or felting and is always liberal with help for people new to the craft. She's got pictures of the alpacas for sale, and Spencer wants to see about doing that with the cows, and that's when Liam can add something useful.

"The shelter I used to work for has a local photographer who comes in and takes pictures for their website; I could get you connected with him for at least a few pointers if nothing else. He volunteered at the shelter to build his portfolio, so I'm not sure what his rates are for pictures, or the commercial licenses or anything like that, but he could be a good place to start. "

"That would be great; thank you. I... I feel like I have so many ideas for this place, though, and it's just finding the time to implement them, you know? Especially since Mom and Dad moved into town, it's... there's just not enough time in the day for everything we wanted to do."

"Well, hey, you can feel free to tell me no, but after this test, I’ll have some time and would love to come out and help if you need it. I don’t know how much help I’ll be, but just some manual labor and some basic animal care at least.”

"I'd like that," Spencer says, and his grin is genuine enough to sway any of Liam's fears that he's just doing it to be nice. "I don't know what we could pay you--"

"Pay me in outside time and home cooked meals and I'll be happy. I love places like this, and I really do love farm work. Let me be around the cows and the open land, and really, that's all I need. Well, that and maybe..." he hesitates a bit, but Spencer nods, and Liam says, "if you wouldn't mind having a puppy or a lamb or something out here sometimes? Just for a bit? I… we get orphans at work sometimes, and they always need more places to go. I wouldn’t want to make you do anything, but I could look after them, I just… I can’t have them in my apartment. My landlord won’t let me, and that’s not fair to them, either. I’m not asking you to become a sanctuary or anything, I know you’re a dairy farm, but maybe a rescue petting zoo could help at the farmer’s market or when you have schools come out to visit or something? And then we could take the babies somewhere else when they’re older, but just… they need more care when they’re babies, and a lot of places can’t do that.”

"I think we could make that work," Spencer says. He's got a hand resting on the pommel of his saddle, another scratching at the back of his neck, where he's somehow managed to get a mosquito bite despite being on bed rest all week. He'd complained about it at dinner, and Liam had to bite back a comment about how it might be because he’s so sweet. He can’t say things like that to Spencer, not like he would to Bell or some of his friends. “We could see about getting some calves in a petting zoo, too, and maybe Benjamin the donkey, since he doesn't really have a place to go right now. I don’t really know… you said you tend to get mostly babies?”

“Yeah; there are always orphan lambs and kids-- the goats, not like human children. Goats and sheep tend to have a bunch of babies at a time, so the moms can’t always look after all of them. And they’re not too hard to take care of, and really cute, so they could help draw people in the spring or for letting out day if you put up a petting zoo. And we get kittens; once I get somewhere that’ll let me I could foster them but bring them out if you have people coming, so they could play with and maybe even adopt them. I don’t want to make you look after my orphans or anything, and I swear I’d do the work, but just… there are so many babies who need a place like this, and if I could work and earn a little bit of space to raise them, I’d really appreciate it.”

“I think we could make some room,” Spencer says, grinning. “And it would be nice to have a vet around. I mean, it’s always nice having you around, but in case you didn’t feel like you’d be helpful. I… I'd really like having you out here more. When you weren’t coming out much, it was lonely.”

Liam grins at him, and they continue the tour, Spencer sharing about his plans for the farm and what he wants to do once he can get the funds and the time to do it. He’s one of the most dedicated farmers Liam’s ever seen, and there’s something beautiful about even just the way he moves around the farm. He’s relaxed out here, without the cows and the bills to stress him out, more like the Spencer who fell asleep in Annie's box or who posted selfies with friends on Instagram than the Spencer who's running a massive farm on his own. And all through the rest of the evening, there’s a little part of Liam thinking about spending more time out here, helping Spencer and showing it to Bell and really making it a part of his life. Bell will love it, if they get a chance she'd love coming out here with him and seeing the stream. He could take her swimming here, and even if he just planned on relaxing next to the pool she'd somehow get him into the water too, all playful kisses and enthusiastic love. Maybe Spencer would even come out, and laugh at how much Liam is at her beck and call, or maybe she'd be able to persuade him to get in the water, too, and the three of them would end up soaking wet and laughing.

It feels impossible. He's only here now because he's useful; Spencer will get sick of him before too long, and he’ll have to go back to spending most of his time at a crappy apartment in the city while he saves up for a spot he and Bell can call home. But still, at least for a bit, he gets to imagine that he could have a place here, and that feels special. Even as they finish their ride and he goes home to a pot of ramen and a late-night study session, his thoughts stray back outside Austin’s city limits, where he knows the cows are bedding down and the land behind the farm stretches for miles. When he finally drags himself to bed, he has just enough time to think about a little pen on that farm for animals he can foster, and ways Bell could help him, before he closes his eyes and is out like a light.

On AO3

You know that moment in Pride and Prejudice where Austen shows us/Elizabeth how much Darcy loves Pemberly as a way to show that he's a good dude? All I can say about this chapter is that the nature of humanity is that every now and then someone accidentally rewrites that scene.

Want to support the Hannah Makes Art fund? You can tip me in ko-fi here!

#the long way #rwrb fic #rwrb slowburn #red white and royal blue fic #liam rwrb #Spencer (rwrb)#liam (rwrb)#my fic: rwrb

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hms-chill · 4 years

Text

The Long Way

A nice fun Liam/Spencer fic, because these boys deserve the world.

Chapter one // Chapter two // Chapter 3 // On AO3

Chapter 4

Liam spends next day at his own apartment for once, and it’s entirely dedicated to a study session. It's nice enough that he can open a window to alleviate some of the weed smell from his neighbors, and he's at the table he's using as a desk, surrounded by class notes and second-hand NAVLE practice books while he boils water for ramen. The test is a week away, so he’s spent the day holed up with his work, trying to force his brain to pay attention to studying with only half an Adderall, two cups of cheap coffee, and last night’s ramen as fuel.

It's not going particularly well.

He can’t do this. For some reason, the thing that his brain has decided to latch onto is that simple, solid fact that he can’t do it. He’s going to have wasted the past for years of his life, amassing loads of debt and loads of stress, all for nothing. Because he’s going to fail. He's going to fail this exam, and there’s no way he’ll be able to retake it, and he’s going to have lost everything and made a mess of his life. It’ll all have been a waste, because he can’t pass this exam, and—

His phone buzzes with a text, and as much as he would have cursed the distraction at another time, he finds a moment to bless the fact that his brain refuses to have any sort of attention span on its own.

It's Spencer. How's studying? Need a cookie break?

His cheeks are wet, and he realizes he's crying. He's not sure when that happened. His phone buzzes again.

Made chocolate chip with my mom's recipe. I could bring them and just drop them off, or quiz you? Or leave you alone if you'd rather

Last text but my parents dropped off some early veggies from their garden and I can’t eat them all do you want some? Beans, peas…

Okay actual last text so I stop bothering you but you’re smart and you’re going to do great

Liam swallows hard, then picks up the phone and calls Spencer. He tells himself it’s just because it’ll be faster than typing out a response, and he’ll be more likely to stay focused on it, but really, he just wants to hear another human. Spencer picks up on the second ring.

“Hey, how’s studying going?”

Liam’s brain empties completely at the sound of Spencer’s voice. He manages a sound somewhere between a groan and a sigh, and Spencer’s tone changes from his peppy greeting to something more comforting.

“I’ve got cookies and zucchini bread and more peas than I could eat in a lifetime. Where can I meet you? Your apartment?”

Liam looks around the apartment, already shaking his head. He can’t let Spencer see this. Spencer, with his perfect farmhouse and his perfect, beautiful ranch, can’t see the stacked boxes stuffed with clothes serving as a dresser or the mattress on the floor. He can’t see the empty kitchen drawers or the old t-shirt Liam uses as a dish towel, or the ramen on the stove, and he definitely can’t see the way everything in the apartment is still half-packed despite Liam having lived there for almost a year. He can't see the constant state of waiting to leave that Liam lives in.

“No. No, not… not here.”

“Okay. Hey, it’s okay. What about a… a park or something? It’s nice out, and getting outside in the fresh air and sun would probably be good for you. Is there a park by you where we could meet?”

“Yeah. You… do you know Quail Creek Park? By the YMCA?”

“I can look it up and meet you there. Do you want to keep talking for a bit?”

“Please?” He hates how pathetic he sounds, but Spencer doesn’t seem to care.

“Okay. We’ll keep talking while you get ready to come meet me. Annie says hi. She was out playing with some of the other calves today, I mean really playing with them; I took a video I’ll have to show you. You’ll be so proud of her. And my mamma says hi, too, and thanks you for taking care of morning chores…” he talks, and Liam puts him on speaker, then just closes his eyes and makes himself breathe for a bit before he has to get to turning off the stove and packing up his books. Somehow, with Spencer’s voice as his soundtrack, he feels like he can really breathe for the first time all day. Being out there every night while Spencer was sick spoiled him, is all; he misses the outdoors and the company. When he feels like he has some semblance of control over his emotional state, he moves to get ready, turning off the stove and filling his bag with books, then staring at the meds on the corner of the table he uses as a desk. There are three pills left, and he gets paid on Friday. He puts it in his bag, though he promises himself he won’t take one unless he really, really needs it.

Eventually, he can actually pick up the phone again and start listening to Spencer talk about his day. When he hits a bit of a break, Liam jumps in with, “I’m… I’m going to be honest, I haven’t really been listening to anything you said, but thank you. I… it was good to hear another voice; I’m on my way to the park now.”

“That’s alright; I’m glad I could help. I’ll meet you at the park. Want me to stay on?”

“No; I’m okay. Thank you. Really, thank you. This means a lot.”

“Of course. I’ll meet you at the park soon.” He lets Liam be the one to hang up, and Liam tries not to feel anything about that as he takes his bag and keys to the car. It’s a quick drive to the park, and when he gets there, Spencer’s truck is in the parking lot. He wonders how long Spencer’s been there and realizes he has no idea how long it took him to calm down, but he doesn’t have time to ask or dwell on that. As soon as he’s out of the car, Spencer’s there to give him a hug and lead him toward a picnic table, and Liam just follows him automatically.

“Alright. I brought dinner, since I’m not sure you’ve eaten, and then I’ve got a whole care package my parents put together to thank you, plus some stuff from me, also as a thank you for last week. What you did for us… it was huge. It… hey, no, it’s not a big deal. I mean, your help was, but these care packages aren’t anything big. It’s fine.”

“Sorry,” Liam mumbles, trying to get rid of the tears prickling at his eyes before Spencer can make a whole thing of it. “Sorry, it’s just been a day. A whole, long, frustrating day.”

“Want to tell me? You let me ramble about my day; I could return the favor.”

“It’s fine. I’ll be fine. I just… I was supposed to get a prescription filled, but shit happened, so I’ve been on a half dose to make it last and it’s a bitch.”

“What happened? Was it something with the pharmacy, or your doctor…”

“No, it’s… it’s there, I just… it’s expensive.” Liam’s whole face is red, and he can feel Spencer looking at him, but he can’t tear his eyes off the table in front of him.

“Let me get it. Or at least help? You stocked my whole medicine cabinet last week, let me--”

“No, I can’t ask you to do that. You brought me all this food, I--”

“You’re not asking me to do it. I’m asking. I want to help you out. You’ve been feeding me and doing my chores and filling my fridge basically all week, not to mention everything you did for Annie and wouldn’t let me pay you for. Let me do this. Please. It’s what Bell would want.” At the mention of Bell, Liam feels his shoulders slump as any resilience or fight drains out of him in a breath. Spencer’s right. Bell wouldn’t want him to deal with this, wouldn’t want him as worn out as he is. She’d make him take his meds, and she’d want him to be able to accept help.

“It’s… it’s not even that much; I just… I’m in a tight spot with NAVLE fees and stuff. I’ll pay you back, I swear,” Liam says. He manages to look up, and Spencer’s smiling, not with the smile of someone who just won an argument, but with the smile of someone who wants to help.

“Is the pharmacy you go to nearby?”

“Yeah, it’s… we should be able to walk there. The H-E-B a few blocks away has one I go to.”

“Okay. Let’s get this stuff back in the cars, then we’ll go pick it up and come back for a picnic and either a study session or a break, whichever you need.”

“Thank you.” Liam’s still pretty sure his face is bright red, but Spencer hasn’t said anything about it.

“Of course. Come on; let’s get you your meds. Plus, you want to see that video of Annie with the other calves? We can watch it while we wait for them to get things together. It’s not that long, but you know. It’s something to do, and to look forward to.”

“Thank you.” He’s not sure what else to say as Spencer moves two surprisingly full care packages into his little, beat-up car. His brain focuses on them for just long enough to remind him that these might be the first care packages he’s ever gotten before it slips back into its half-focused self-pity as Liam leads the way to the pharmacy. Spencer follows him, and they’re quiet for a block.

“There’s nothing to be embarrassed about,” Spencer says at the light. “Medicine’s expensive, and you’ve been busy helping me, not to mention all the work you’ve been doing with Annie and for the NAVLE. And I... I wish you hadn’t had to go a day without them, but I’m glad I get a chance to help you back.”

Liam can’t find any words in his muddled brain, but he can tell his face is red. He hates everything about this. He hates that he needs help, and that he can’t even pay for his own meds, but he can’t study for a job that will pay for meds until he gets them. He hates that his brain needs help to do something as simple as paying attention, and he hates that he’s going to fail the NAVLE and have wasted everything, and he’s never going to be able to help or pay Spencer back. They don’t even know each other, not really; he’d just showed up at Spencer’s house for a cow birth and now Spencer has to help him. And he hates it. He hates being broke, and he hates needing help, and he hates that he’s going to be broke and helpless forever.

“Liam? What… what is it? Do you want to talk about it?” Spencer’s voice is so gentle it shocks him. The next thing he processes is the wetness on his cheeks, and that he’s crying. Of course the one thing his brain would decide is worth focusing on today is something that will make him cry on the sidewalk.

“I’m going to fail,” he mumbles, and Spencer wraps him in a hug. Liam can feel Spencer shaking his head, and he tries to fight it, but he’s crying in the middle of the sidewalk, being held by a man he barely knows. “I’m going to fail, and I’ll never be able to retake it; I’ll never be good enough to get what I want. I’m… I’m going to be a broke, helpless failure forever, and if this embarrassment doesn’t kill me, student loan debt will.”

“Shh, shh, it’s okay. You’re not going to fail, but even if you do, that doesn’t make you a failure,” Spencer tells him, rubbing his back. “You are so much more than however this test turns out.”

“I… I am going to. To fail, I mean. More than 20% of people who took it last year failed; that’s one in five, and you know they all had the right prep books and could pay for things like practice tests and multiple takes. I don’t have any of that. I’m… I’m going to fail.”

“Well, if over twenty percent failed, then that means eighty percent of people got it. Don’t check my math on that; I’m a can’t-do-math gay.” That gets a bit of a chuckle out of Liam, and Spencer goes back to the voice he uses to soothe the cows when it rains too hard. “You’re going to do well. You’ve done great on all the practice tests we’ve done, and you’ve worked so hard. And if you don’t pass it, you’ll come work on the farm with me. We’ll get you an unofficial vet job until you can retake it or figure something out.”

“I… I can’t afford to retake it, but maybe… when I fail, I’d… I’d like that. I’m sorry. I’ll be better once I’m not in withdrawal, but knowing why I’m feeling all… ugh doesn’t help me feel less ugh.”

“You have nothing to be sorry for. There’s no shame in feeling ugh; I felt ugh all last week.”

“Yeah, but that’s not your fault. If I had my shit more together--”

“This isn’t your fault, either. You’ve been taking care of me, now let me take care of you. It shouldn’t have to be reciprocal, but if you want to think of it that way for now, we will.” Spencer’s got them walking again, his arm around Liam’s shoulders. It’s nice. “You’re not supposed to have to do everything on your own, you know. I don’t know how you’ve made it this far without family nearby; I’d be lost without my parents and our neighbors. They’re… I guess Cat and Addy aren’t technically family, but they basically are. They taught me how to ride a horse and do barrels, and Cat used to get me into every mutton bustin’ event she could.”

“Did you have a little cowboy hat and everything?” Liam asks, half because he wants to know and half because he definitely does not want to talk about parents.

“Of course. I think we might still have it at the house; Addy got it for me before my first barrel riding event. Mom wants me to pass it down to another kid. She was thinking mine, but then I came out, and she told me I’d just have to find a kid to love like Addy and Cat loved me.”

“That’s… that’s really sweet of her. And them, too, but… that’s really, really cool of your mom.”

Spencer nods, smiling as he holds open the door to the H-E-B. As they step inside, Liam’s good mood evaporates. He swallows hard, then says, “you still don’t have to do this. I’ll be fine.”

“I know I don’t have to. I want to. It’s what Annie and Bell would want for you, and... and it's what I want, too. I want you to be okay.”

Liam doesn’t say anything, just goes to the pharmacy and gives them his name and prescription. Spencer pulls up the video of Annie playing, and Liam tries to watch it, he does, but his brain can’t focus and his mind is decidedly somewhere else. He’s not sure where it is, but whatever bog it’s found to wallow in, it’s not leaving any time soon.

The pharmacy calls his name, and he goes up with coupons on his phone screen, trying to figure out how he can afford it without Spencer’s help. The total comes to $24.89. He has exactly $26.27 in his bank account, but his car is almost out of gas, and he needs it to get to work, and he won’t be paid until Friday. He wants to scream. Instead, he just tells the woman they’ll pay at the check out, thanks her, and turns to see Spencer standing behind him, far enough away that he’s not eavesdropping.

“Anything else you need? I promise I’ll pay you back for these, I swear. I get paid on Friday. Or I… I’ll put gas in my car and then--”

“Hey, don’t worry about it. You did my chores all week; call it payment for that.” Spencer glances at the price, then adds, “that’s still criminally underpaying you for the work you’ve done for me this week. I’ve got a few things I could grab; is there anything you need? Anything Bell would want you to have?”

“I… I guess maybe fruit? Maybe some apples, because she likes them. We always used to share them growing up.”

“Alright, we’ll get a bag of apples. Anything else you need? There’s some milk and butter in a cooler I’m supposed to send you home with from the farm, so you don't need those.”

“That’s it; just the apples. Thank you.”

“Of course. You wouldn’t be in a tight spot if you hadn’t helped me. Plus, I mean, vet school and your residency and this test and everything is intense. I see how hard you’re working, and you still gave up what time you had to look after me and the farm… it means a lot. Really; I appreciate it. I appreciate you.”

“You’re going to make me cry again, jerk,” Liam mumbles. Spencer squeezes his arm a bit, offering him a little smile.

“I’m serious. You’re the most hardworking, dedicated guy I know. But you… you’re tired. You need a break. So, what we’re going to do, is we’re going to get you some apples and some nice coffee because I know the coffee you buy yourself tastes like dirt, and then we’re going to go back to the cars, and you’re going to have a good cry. No, you don’t get to argue. We’ll at least go sit in a car, so it’ll be sort of private, and you’re going to talk about everything you need to get off your chest.”

Liam hesitates for a second, giving him a chance to back out, but Spencer is clearly not willing to debate this, so Liam just nods.

“Okay. Thank you.”

“Of course.” Spencer’s smiling, and Liam offers him something close to a smile as they go back to shopping, and they’re walking back to the park with grocery bags in hand before Liam knows it. Spencer talks off and on, and Liam tries his best, but his brain is somehow on everything and nothing. It’s all he can do to put one foot in front of the other as his brain focuses on birds and trees and a cool mushroom while his mind and soul and all his messy gut emotions tumble down a widening gyre of shame and exhaustion and failure. He doesn’t even notice when they reach the park; Spencer has to pull him toward the truck. Once they’re safely inside, Spencer grabs a water bottle from the back and asks, “Can… is it safe for you to take a full dose of your meds now? I know timing matters on stuff like this, but if you can feel better sooner…”

It takes Liam a minute to process, but he looks at the clock on the dash and nods. “I… I have the old bottle; I should finish that.”

“Okay. Where’s the old bottle? Is it in your bag?” Liam nods, turning to dig through his bag and find the little orange bottle. The three little pills left rattle around, and the part of his brain that’s been focused on rationing screams at him to wait, tells him that he can go a bit longer without meds. He ignores it, taking a pill and washing it down with the water bottle Spencer hands him. Then, gently, Spencer says, “do you want to talk about what’s going on?”

“I… I just…” he’s going to find some nice way to say it, some polished and emotionless and clean wording, but Spencer looks so earnest, so genuinely concerned in a way no one has been for ages, that Liam can’t help himself. “It’s all so fucking much, and I’m going to fail, and it’ll all have been a waste. All of this, this… the studying, and the school, and the money, and the years of my life, it’ll all have been a waste because I’m too stupid to pass a fucking test. And when I fail I’ll lose my job, and I can’t afford to retake the test because I’m not a fucking… trust fund kid or anything like that, and the stupid test costs $700, and then all my friends who took it last fall and passed will be fine and successful and doing great things and I’ll be all alone again, and I’ll never get to help people or live with Bell or do any of the things I want to do, and it’ll all be my fault for failing.” He started crying at some point, big, hot, angry sobs, and he should probably be embarrassed about them, but he’s not. “I just wanted to help people and their animals. That’s all I ever wanted, ever since I was a kid, and now I can’t. Because my stupid brain doesn’t work, and… and I can’t afford to make it work, and I can’t even look after myself when I’m alone, so how in the fuck am I supposed to help Bell or other people or animals or… or help anyone when I can’t stop being a disaster. I can’t… I just…” He doesn't have the words for the past eight years, the overwhelming pile of exhaustion and disaster that has been slowly draining him. He’s exhausted, and he’s scared, and he’s never felt like more of a disappointment. He just sort of gestures helplessly at himself, hoping Spencer can understand something from his breakdown.

Between sobs, he hears Spencer ask, “can I hug you? Is that okay?”

He nods, and Spencer does hug him, somehow navigating the awkward space enough to wrap his arms around Liam and hold him together as he finally stops trying to explain things and just lets himself fall apart. Liam clings to him, his hands filling themselves with Spencer’s shirt as his face finds its way to Spencer’s shoulder. Just for now, for this one moment in a life of people moving on, he needs someone to stay.

“I’ve got you,” Spencer promises softly, rubbing his back. “I’ve got you.”

Liam’s not sure how long it’s been when he breaks through Spencer’s reassuring murmurs to admit, “I’m… I’m scared.” He’d stopped crying a while ago, but he can’t bring himself to let go of Spencer.

“It’s okay. I’ve got you. You’re going to do great, but if you don’t, we’ll figure it out together.”

“I’m sorry. I didn’t… we barely know each other; I don’t… I’m sorry.”

“It’s okay. You cleaned up my vomit last week; we’re closer than you think.” Liam laughs a bit, finally pulling away. Spencer gives him a last squeeze and lets go, and when Liam leans back, he sees that Spencer’s braced against the bitch seat between them, his whole body contorted in a way that can’t possibly be comfortable so that he was at the right angle for a hug. He looks ridiculous, and Liam can’t help but laugh a bit as he digs around for something in the back seat, not moving away. The laugh comes out wrong, too wet and close to a sob, but it’s something, and that something is enough to put a bit of a smile on Spencer’s face when he looks up a second later with a water bottle in his hand.

The smile fades into something else a moment later, Liam’s not sure how to read that look, especially combined with Spencer’s awkward position. It’s softer than what Liam would have expected, somehow. He’d expected some sort of joke, something to brush off what’s just happened or to help them ignore it, because every time he’s shown even a fraction of his fear to anyone else, that’s how it’s met. They’ll be awkward about it, and make a joke, and then they’ll move on. But when Spencer looks at him, that’s not what he gets. Instead, it’s concern. There’s a touch of confusion, but there's such an earnest concern behind it that Liam isn’t sure what to think.

“What is it?” Spencer asks, and it takes Liam a minute to realize he’s talking about the laugh.

“It’s… nothing. Thank you.”

“Of course. Here; you should drink something so you don’t get a headache. And… if you want, when you’re ready, we could go have a picnic? And we can study if you want, but we don’t have to. Only if you think it would make you feel better.”

“Maybe after we eat? If… how long can you stay?”

“Feeding and milking are done for the night, so I’m here as long as you need me.”

“Okay. If… you’re sure?”

“I’m sure. Whatever you need.”

“Thank you for this,” Liam tells his lap. He can’t bring himself to look Spencer in the eye again, not with everything that’s just happened. “You didn’t have to do any of it; I… I’m just a vet who showed up a few times. But thank you. It… it means more than you know.”

“Liam? Can you look at me a minute?” He looks up, and Spencer makes sure to look him in the eye when he says, “You’re important to me. I just want you to know that. You’re a good friend, and I’m glad I could help you. I’m glad you’re in my life.”

Liam’s not sure how to react to that. Somewhere, his brain processes that Spencer has nice eyes. That feels more real than anything that’s happened today, so he forces himself to latch onto it. They're dark eyes, the color of the earth on the farm where Liam grew up, that good black dirt that nourishes crops and feeds the world. They're so soft, framed by long lashes, and in the shadows of the twilight that surrounds the truck, they're transformed into inky pools, filled with a warmth and concern that Liam could sink into. When meeting Spencer’s eyes gets to be too much, he focuses instead on Spencer’s hand. He thinks about how the muscles and bones and tendons all work together to hold out the water bottle so Liam will drink some more. Mentally, he categorizes the way Spencer’s hand works, the machinery under the skin that makes it move and brings it to life. He catalogues the scar on Spencer's thumb and the callouses on his palm, memorizes the way his nails are cut and the tan lines on the backs from the gloves he wears to do work outside. Really, the human hand is a miracle. When he takes the water bottle and his hand brushes the miracle of Spencer’s, he nearly forgets how to breathe.

By the time he’s done drinking, Spencer is digging around in the back seat, and the spell is broken. Still, some part of Liam’s brain notes that he has a nice ass. Spencer emerges a second later with the picnic basket, holds it up with a smile, and says, “shall we?”

On AO3

Take your meds, kids. And don't be afraid to ask for help; it's important.

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#the long way #liam rwrb #Spencer (rwrb)#lmao my midwest really pops out in that last 'shall we?' huh #liam/spencer #rwrb fic #rwrb slow burn #rwrb slowburn

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