#i still need to write the one for her and kaidan lol

[theoriginalladya]

I posted 3,524 times in 2022

412 posts created (12%)

3,112 posts reblogged (88%)

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I tagged 3,487 of my posts in 2022

Only 1% of my posts had no tags

#mass effect - 1,022 posts

#kaidan alenko - 709 posts

#nature - 615 posts

#landscape - 561 posts

#photo - 533 posts

#mshenko - 410 posts

#commander shepard - 344 posts

#ladya writes - 267 posts

#fic recommendation - 213 posts

#reblog - 199 posts

Longest Tag: 134 characters

#once in a very blue moon i will get my first name spelled right and then it usually shocks me so badly i need to sit for a minute! lol

My Top Posts in 2022:

#5

(commissioned art of Caleb Shepard by the fabulous @dr-vauclair-art)

In an effort to try and stir the muses awake in Caleb's ME/WWII crossover world, I've been combing through some prompt lists to see what provokes them. From the 100 Ways to Say I Love You list:

Series: Something Wicked This Way Comes

Work: Keep To the West

Chapter 7: It's okay. I couldn't sleep anyway." (Read in full on AO3)

Snippet:

The glass-paned windows rattled sharply as the wind whipped against them startling Kaidan from restless slumber.  Blinking through the dark, the threads of sleep reluctant to release him to the waking world, he yawned.  Something stirred in his mind – part memory, part dream, yet a reminder of something that was – and he rolled to his other side, content to slip back into unconsciousness.  As tired as he was from the last mission, it was easy to give in, and he nearly had until his arm met emptiness instead of the warmth of the body he expected. 

He's gone…isn’t he?  Lost over the side of –

Bolting upright, a surge of adrenaline raced through him, seeking and finding the weak spots within.  Panic, icy and unrelenting, chilled him to the bone and all thoughts of sleep fled.  The bedding fell in a tangled pool around his waist, restraining him, and his heart thumped wildly in his chest.  It took long moments for calm to return, for memories to sort, for reality to stake its claim once more.

Shepard…alive, returned, safe…

A soft whimper broke free of his chest and escaped his lips.  So much had happened, it was difficult to discern truth and reality from the nightmares that had haunted him for months.

It wasn’t just a dream…was it?  Shepard is alive…?

Read in full on AO3 here

40 notes - Posted May 30, 2022

#4

Had the Humblebi pattern come across my dash recently and I decided to make a gift for a friend's daughter who likes bees. Fiddled with gauge and yarn (worsted weight (Red Heart Gold) and size 9 needles) to make it a bit bigger, but it knit up like a dream. I've never done a bottom-up knit before, and aside from the struggle of counting out to make sure I had enough stitches at the beginning, it was fun! Might have to make one for myself now! :)

41 notes - Posted May 21, 2022

#3

and...voila! One Starry Night cake of yarn. The darker color bled a bit during the wash and the lighter colors aren't so bright now, but it still looks really good! Can't wait to have a chance to knit this up!

42 notes - Posted August 31, 2022

#2

(top picture: Serafina MacKinnon and Alistair Theirin)

(bottom picture: Serafina and her twin, Sean)

Was thinking about my girl earlier today, and decided to stare at the lovely art that @xla-hainex did for me for a while.

Really hoping this means she's prepared to start talking to me again so I can get back to her story over in Dragon Age. She and her twin, Sean, have a LOT to share, and if I can finally get that done, then I might be able to get back to the two of them over in Mass Effect.

45 notes - Posted August 31, 2022

My #1 post of 2022

Happy Birthday, Commander Shepard!

See the full post

105 notes - Posted April 11, 2022

Get your Tumblr 2022 Year in Review →

[crqstalite]

oc interview!

tagged by @spaceprincealenko​ ! tagging,,, anyone who sees this because i’ve already tagged enough people today lol.

Alexandra June “A.J” Shepard

Role: First Human Spectre

BASICS

Full Name: Alexandra June Shepard

Nickname(s): Lexi (by Miranda or Kaidan only), June (see previous), AJ

Pronouns: She/Her

Sexuality: Bisexual

Occupation and Titles: First Human Spectre, Lieutenant Commander of the SSV Normandy, N7 Sentinel.

Birthday & Age: April 11th, 2154, currently 32.

Physical description: AJ stands at around 5′6″ (167.64 cm), with a mostly lithe build. Dark, nearly black eyes, and pixie cut naturally brown hair, though she dyes it red because it distances her from her past a bit. Deep scar on her neck from Akuze, and two lighter ones across her nose and jaw. Has about twenty million (more accurately, nine she keeps open) piercings from over the years, though more often than not, keeps the three up her left ear and two up her right with earrings in whenever she’s on shore leave.

Clothing style: AJ doesn’t usually intend it, but she goes for a far less ‘standing out’ sort of look than one would expect. Hiding in hoodies is usually her go to look, even though her dark makeup and bright red hair makes her rather difficult to lose in a crowd. Something like this.

BACKGROUND

AJ is a spacer kid, through and through. Mostly having grown up on various stations, home had always been among the stars (and Arcturus). She definitely doesn’t know much else, and for a time, that was okay. Having never known her father, it was just her and Hannah for the longest time. Her biotics then developed in her early teen years, and things shifted. Considering just how new they were around the time her aptitude was discovered, there were a lot of unknowns -- and to a point, that fascinated and terrified her. AJ just nearly skirted ending up at Jump Zero, which until she found out exactly what’d happened there, she was convinced her mother had effectively stunted whatever developing powers she had. Hannah had never wanted an implant for her daughter, even if she was lucky enough to still be alive after eezo exposure, she didn’t want to lose her to whatever side effects could come of it. Not to mention, AJ was just a frustrated person and frustrating person to be around. Loud, a bit of a perfectionist and not the best socially were a recipe for disaster. Funnily enough, small spaces weren’t good for a developing biotic, and a hyperactive kid with too much energy to burn. Regulating her emotions was a long and very difficult task stemming from her childhood, something Hannah just didn’t have the time or emotional capacity for. Every teacher of her’s always had something to say about the disruptive and frankly, entirely absent Shepard kid, and to no one’s surprise, it took a toll on AJ, who couldn’t really figure out why she was the way she was. No one was really able to help her either.

So of course, she doubled down on it. While she masked some things, she amplified others. AJ became a bit of a social butterfly, but only because she was rather intuitive to how others acted, and copied it near perfectly. Showing up to classes was rarely something she wanted to do, and was more than happy to sit and stare into space, or play with what limited biotic abilities she had. Which only lead to more of a rift between mother and daughter, the former who couldn’t figure out why her all around intelligent daughter was so determined not to use that intelligence for good, and the latter who couldn’t figure out what people wanted from her. They never verbally fought (well, not really. AJ can count on two hands how many times it was more a stern talking to -- and very one sided), but it was clear enough to AJ that she’d never quite be enough for Captain Shepard.

By the time AJ met Anderson around the age of seventeen, she was just near about to careen off the radar entirely. Hannah couldn’t figure her out no matter what she did, and AJ no longer really cared for what she thought. AJ had never gotten to be violent, but she was someone that her peers more respected than actually liked. One of the only students to still hold a passing grade (mostly off of exams) without having ever really shown aptitude for anything. A chance meeting during one weekend that really did turn her life around a bit, even if she was a bit put off by how kind Anderson was to her. The Alliance gave her a purpose at the very least. Her skills were put to use, and by nineteen, she’d followed in some of the footsteps that Hannah left. One of her first real deployments was to the eventual squad that followed up on leads to Akuze. One man, Walter Castillo, had taken a liking to her and took the young biotic under his wing. He was also the one that had made her begin using the name June instead of her first name, Alexandra, so that she could put some distance between herself and the girl that’d been such a thorn in everyone’s side. Staff Commander Castillo was one of her only acquaintances during that time, and like Anderson, a father figure to her.

Akuze was, evidently, the first time she’d ever failed. The entire mission plagues her like no other. She still deals with the lasting scars it left on her, and has never been able to really talk about the massacre with anyone, especially after Castillo was one of the last people for her to hear and she spent a very, very long four hours waiting for extraction, in the dark, and in tears.

After that, Shepard became a bit of a recluse. She was seen as too much of an omen to most to ever build lasting relationships with, and she didn’t mind it. She had seen herself as a disappointment to her mother for years on end and a failure to her squad on Akuze -- she wasn’t ready to add another crew to the list. She rose through the ranks rather quietly until Anderson picked her back up for a tour on the Normandy.

AJ was a name she chose for herself, in the end. Not Alexandra, who’d only be imperfect in the eyes of the people who cared about her, and not June, who’d failed the people who needed her. AJ Shepard was a blank slate, who was still tainted with the failures of the past, but was growing beyond it.

COMBAT & SKILLS

Preferred fighting style: AJ is a sentinel, which by every definition, doesn’t really make her a frontline soldier. Yet, you’ll find her leading the charge anyway. She’s trained in just about every weapon, but is more than happy to carry just a pistol into combat and relies heavily on her biotics. Mostly employing medium strength armor, and consistently will put her own wellbeing in danger for others. Some call her reckless. She is, but isn’t about to let someone die if she has anything to say about it. Not again.

Unlike her fellow sentinel, Kaidan, she’s far less about control. Not to say she isn’t capable, but when push comes to shove, she is not above cheap shots or letting loose.

Favorite weapon(s): Her pistol of choice is the N7 Eagle.

Special skills: An N7 Sentinel with extensive biotic training post-enlistment, and while fine-tuning is something she still needs to work on, her biotics are her favorite. She’s rather proud of how far she’s come. While sitting still to learn proper tech, she is definitely the creative type. Unconventional strategies are her forte, and and overload combo is the single best thing.

RELATIONSHIPS

Family: Hannah Shepard (mother), Miranda Lawson (wife).

Love interest: In her ‘canon’ of sorts, Miranda Lawson, who she’s happily married to after the Reaper War. In an AU, Kaidan Alenko.

Best friends: Has friends out of Jack (much to Miranda’s chagrin), Liara, Jacob, Kaidan, and James.

PERSONALITY

AJ is nothing if not a little bit spiky all around. She is blunt, and will never lie to your face even if it hurts. She is not one for empty compliments, at all. They piss her off, and she knows when someone’s lying to her face, even if it’s just to make her smile. Because of that, it takes a bit for someone to become even acquaintances with her, and she doesn’t like to get to know her crew that much, even if pressed. It mostly stems from her fear that as soon as she becomes as close to them as she did Walter, she’ll lose them. After they lost Ashley, it only became that much clearer. She left the investigation into Saren knowing more about her crew than they knew about her, and that was fine. That wasn’t ideal, but she didn’t know much better.

The crew of the Normandy SR-2 that followed her into the maw on the suicide mission were the first people who ever saw much of her personality, someone who was going through an identity crisis but also someone who didn’t really have anyone left she cared about, and was convinced she was defective. Her own floundering attempts to cultivate real relationships and friendships months away from possibly dying after already having been brought back weren’t futile, at least. Her past made her cynical, but given the time, it made her care for the people who weren’t out to get her that much more. While it may not have always been clear because of how quiet she was (and how many roundabout ways she had to show that she cared), by the time they arrived back to Earth, there wasn’t much question that she wouldn’t lay her life on the line for these people. Seen as a bit fatalistic at times, she only does it because, well, she can’t stand the idea of losing someone else. Suffocating almost. Still, it makes her a good friend though. 

Her love language is words of affirmation -- people confirming that she hasn’t done anything wrong, or that they still do love and care for her is all she ever wanted when she was younger.

The red, short hair and piercings were more of acts of rebellion, if anything, that followed her into adulthood. She gave it up during her service with the Alliance to revert back to brown, though went right back to it during her stint with Cerberus. Checks out and tracks that when she came back to the Alliance three years later, Kaidan didn’t recognize her at first.

[meggannn]

shepard/garrus?

oh boy, sorry for the late response! I always end up posting these things and then going to read/take a nap/play a game or something. anyway writing this up took two hours, i hope it is even slightly interesting to read. cut because this is looooooong

What made you ship it?

I think I was interested in this ship before I even played ME. I was just like “I know Shepard is a character and an alien named Garrus is a character, and people draw porn of them together.” because I think it’s reasonable to say it’s one of, if not the most, popular ship in the fandom, or at least in ME’s tumblr fandom? and the way people talked about it, I knew their tropes were #banter, #battle couple, #partnerships, and... and as we’ve learned from royai, I am a bit weak to those tropes (assuming I like both of the characters). the way people talked about them also from a “best friends” angle—which is sort of forced in-game in a way that seems strange to me now—was also a plus in its favor at the time. (if they get together, I do see their friendship/companionship, in whatever form, in some ways integral to their romance—unless you’re playing full far-right renegade who’s like a xenophobe and hate-fucking Garrus, I guess?—but Bioware also kind of shoehorned Garrus into that best-friend role and that’s a topic for another day.)

What are your favorite things about the ship?

(my friend will hit me if I say “partnerships” again) I’m gonna talk about the way I play my Shepard now, because so much is dependent on the unique Shepard. for Lydia’s journey over the series, I see a large part of her journey as basically a study of her (often self-inflicted) loneliness. and she never entirely breaks her habits of self-isolation, but the events of the series force her to be vulnerable in a way she would prefer not to be in front of a crew, or, y’know, ever. Garrus becomes an integral part of that story to help her break her out of these bad habits (all of the crew does, particularly also Ashley for my Shep), but to my eyes, the story of “Shepard and Garrus’s relationship” is also one of mutual respect, burden-sharing, and sanity and morality checks.

I don’t think of their “mentor” relationship in ME1 very often mostly because I don’t think it was done particularly well, but for all its faults, I do like how naturally the jump from “subordinate” in ME1 to “ally” in ME2 felt; once you meet Garrus on Omega you feel more on the same footing as two friends greeting each other because you’ve both recently been through trauma and the sight of a friendly face in a station full of hostiles is so unexpectedly welcome that it lets them both hope things will be okay for a minute. starting from that moment, Garrus becomes one of the few people who can see “under” her mask, I guess: partly because he’s one of the few combatants from the SR-1 who knows Shepard well and sees who she is both on the field and onboard the SR-2, with the ability to compare both to the times of “before you died”; partly because he has trauma response training and recognizes it in others even if he doesn’t in himself; partly because his loyal personality makes him sensitive to wonder how she’s dealing with being resurrected; and also partly because they’ve both gone through similar things. namely, getting your squad killed and blaming yourself for it, and it possibly being your fault (BioWare is inconsistent on what Shepard’s role was on Akuze, but in ME1 she has the chance to reply that she was responsible for getting them out safely, and failed).

necessity forces Shepard to adapt to things like being effectively forced to work for terrorists; being isolated from her support system; being resurrected and feeling like a stranger in her own body; later, getting decommissioned for making an incredibly difficult call to save the galaxy; watching your homeworld burn; being forced into a political role negotiating high stakes you don’t know how to play; being told you’re the spearhead of a galactic war; doing all of this without a full crew complement; the list goes on. those are all, on their own, incredibly isolating, traumatic experiences, and my Shepard’s not emotionally sane at the best of times. (emotionally stable, perhaps, only in the most literal of terms, at least on the surface. she’s like a rock when shit hits the fan. emotionally sane, no, for that reason and more.)

the tables have turned, and Garrus ends up becoming a large part of helping her regain agency in most if not all of those things: in ME2 he was a former crew member she trusted, and he was eager to work for her and be distracted from his failures on Omega. over in the battery, he is himself recovering from a major injury (like Shepard) and going through the aftermath of a bloodbath he feels responsible for (like Shepard), working on a crew that holds him at arm’s length, that he also... arguably... didn’t have much choice in joining (like Shepard—I’m assuming he wasn’t held hostage and joined voluntarily after waking up, but lbr this is unconfirmed). their reasons are different and varied, but they don’t realize until much later that they have found each other at the most opportune time, providing a sense of stability for each other, and also, frankly, sanity and morality checks.

in ME3, he steps into this role more fully because he’s become more disciplined, is doing work firmly in his wheelhouse, and paired up against Shepard struggling with their positions somewhat reversed from ME1: him more confident and her now completely out of her element, floundering with her place on a galactic scale. without Garrus—and Chakwas, and Joker, and Tali, and later the loyalty of the entire SR-2—the story of ME would be a tragedy, and it would end shortly in ME2; it’d be the story of how my Shepard slowly went insane being forced to fight boogeymen under a terrorist banner. Garrus isn’t, like, the keeper of her sanity, but their ability to check each other, and see themselves in the eyes of each other, provides stability and occasionally a bit of a wake-up call to both of them. when they’re both vulnerable, they both feel most seen, and most understood, by an alien that listens.

one angle of this ship that highly interests me at the moment, along with the above, is that while it’s not illegal for them to be together, it’s still... a really bad fucking idea lmao. (I could make the argument that it’s a bad idea for Shepard to be in any relationship with their crew but I think there are a few ships—Garrus, Tali, any Alliance crew at all—that realistically would be huge political clusterfucks.) so overcoming personal insecurity and fear of the unknown to acknowledge interest in each other, and the desire to become an item, getting roadblocked by a reality wake-up call with the fact that 1) she’s his boss, 2) Garrus comes from a society where station matters, like, sort of a lot and it even determines your job and how much legal power you have, 3) the potential political blowback (which would be ENORMOUS because lbr the hierarchy may not care about what turians do in off-hours but they WOULD care about the superior/subordinate thing, the human thing, the fact that they’re doing this while a war is going on. basically one of their best agents is on the Normandy to negotiate their interests and they’re basically at the whims of their relationship the whole time)... it’s a lot! all of that sort of makes it tragic, but I’m curious to see how they’d overcome it.

anyway, all of that is where I’m coming from when I think or write about this ship, but there’s a lot more I’m not mentioning here. there are a lot of juxtapositions that in my head that I’ve either added or extrapolated from canon that also interest me about this pairing. Garrus is a former cop, as is his father; Lydia is a poor kid who used to be in a gang out of necessity. Garrus is a turian with often traditionalist thinking; Shepard is a human who has much less sociopolitical power than him, even if she is his superior on the Normandy. both of them are roughly as old as the First Contact War, when their people were at each other’s throats not thirty years ago. Garrus idolizes Spectrehood while Lydia hates it, feeling it was forced on her. they can’t eat the same food. and yet despite all of that, and the fact that they need translators to communicate, they manage to understand each other when a lot of the world around them doesn’t.

god this is not even the full list of it. anyway I could go on but I’ll stop there lol.

Is there an unpopular opinion you have on your ship?

oh jesus, so much. I’m a grouchy and picky shipper, be warned.

pining can always make my ships more interesting, and imo it’s a consistent part of any ship of Shepard’s, considering it’s wildly inappropriate and unprofessional for her to be fucking any subordinate, so I think more consideration could be given to shakarian in the “we shouldn’t be having a thing and oh also you’re an alien and I’m kind of scared of both your government and your body” angle! I hope to explore that a bit with a fic I’m writing (if I ever finish it, god).

I hate the flavor of fandom!shakarian where Shepard romanced Kaidan in ME1 then felt “betrayed” when he’s confused and hurt on Horizon, so she gets with Garrus as like... revenge? idk. and then Garrus usually develops this bias against Kaidan as a sort of author mouthpiece (which is inconsistent with his characterization cause Garrus is nothing but pleased to have Kaidan back on the SR-2 in ME3!) and takes up the anti-Kaidan crusade cause K ~questioned the commander~ (since when does Garrus fall over himself defending a superior from criticism?) like, idk. I think Garrus can be sensitive to the fact that that reuniting must’ve been painful for Shepard, but also be aware that it was also really painful for Kaidan because all of Kaidan’s complicated feelings about Shepard’s resurrection were, realistically, things Garrus should’ve felt too! this trope is very popular but just feels like manufactured drama for drama’s sake, idk, I’m also not big on love triangles so. I would much rather people just rescue Ashley on Virmire and avoid the whole thing rather than have previously-romanced Kaidan around in ME3 for the sole purpose of forcing him to watch Shepard/Garrus being happy together tbh.

I think full goody-goody paragon Shepard is too preachy to make a good partner for Garrus and full shoot-anyone-in-my-way renegade Shepard encourages and emboldens his worst tendencies (and Castis Vakarian is right to disapprove of them). most people end up playing some combination of both, or if they do settle in one camp or the other, usually there is some sense of realism where Shepard doesn’t play nice/naive or play mean all the time, so it’s rare I see either of those kinds of extreme Shepards depicted, but in general if there is a Shepard that is so far in one direction it seems illogical to me that they ever stay together.

I think wanting a mShep romance for Garrus is a pretty welcome idea in fandom, but adding onto that, I think Garrus should’ve been romanceable in ME3 for players who changed their minds on other romances or want to play slow-burn romances! we had it for Kaidan—and should’ve had it for Ash—so (pounds fist on desk) Garrus too imo!

I hate the canon get-together because Shepard walking into the battery and asking “do you want to fuck” feels very tailored to the players who want to romance Garrus, not to who Commander Shepard is, imo. it lacked all of the subtlety and depth of some other romances—until the scene of Garrus coming to her cabin with a wine bottle, at least, cause I do like that scene, but anyway, I dislike the actual get-together.

just in general, I’m a stick in the mud, so my favorite iteration of this ship is where Shepard is resolutely professional, and the challenge of it becomes him getting her to open up, not the other way around. like, I think on some level every iteration of Shepard is a bit of a lunatic/eccentric, because you have to be to do the things they do, but I like to see their flirting with less of her calling him “big guy” (not sure where that came from, is that in canon? I must’ve missed it, but personally I don’t like it) and more of Garrus making wisecracks in the canteen while he’s talking to Joker, but he’s looking at her out of the corner of his eyes and he really said his joke with the aim of making her laugh, and as she’s reading her datapad she hears him, and even when she wants to chuckle she stops himself and just smirks cause she doesn’t want to give him the satisfaction of a laugh, but he sees her lips twitch and feels his heart flutter. that. I want more of that.

oh lastly, I hate “Shepard takes Vakarian clan markings” in any iteration. there is no canon relation to turians being poc—in fact I’d argue they have sociopolitical privilege real-world bipoc do not—but the concept of social face markings, face tattoos, etc., is rooted in non-white cultures and with the fact that 1) turians had a literal civil war over the territories those markings represent, 2) we don’t even know if marriage is how markings are shared or if non-turians are ever invited to wear them in the first place, 3) most of the art of this trend, lbr, is of mostly white Shepards in wedding dresses and blue face paint... all that combined just makes me frown and scroll faster every time I see it. I don’t think I’ve ever seen a bipoc Shepard with Vakarian face markings in fic/art, and that to me is very telling (not because they should have them, but because bipoc fans who make bipoc Shepards usually recognize when a racially-coded trope is uhhhhh not so great to appropriate for someone not of that group).

[dianapocalypse]

so I’m having a very interesting (for me) mass effect legendary edition playthru and i wanna talk about it even tho no one but me will be interested so UNDER THE CUT WE GO!

this probably isn’t interesting to anyone but me but I wanted to write it down for posterity lol

so this time around, I spent a LONG TIME staring at the character creator, not even making anything. I couldn’t decide if I wanted to make my ‘main’ Shepard, play Jane just for the new model in ME1, or make a new Shep entirely. and if I did the last one, did I want to play differently this time??

i ended up making a shepard that was PRETTY similar to my main one. they’re both vanguards (didn’t want to learn a new kit bc my ability to hold a controller is pretty limited these days), both earthborn, same haircut but different overall appearances. this time I went war hero instead of sole survivor, since I’ve played those sidequests so many times at this point. I hit start and named her Kieran, not really knowing what I was going for with this shep and expecting I’d mostly make the same choices, romance garrus, etc

so the first few hours of the game I played p much like I always do. more paragon options than usual, but I attribute that more to me changing than character choices. I also started picking the middle options I always ignore just to see what they are. grabbed Liara, did bring down the sky, nothing new or unusual until I start talking to garrus.

is it just me, or does garrus.... kinda hit different in 2021? don’t get me wrong, still one of my favorite fictonal characters of all time, but also... garrus is a loose canon police officer who thinks regulations that, presumably, are in place to protect peoples’ rights, should be ignored for what he deems is the greater good. while we as players know garrus’s morals are in the right place, uh... if I met someone like that in real life I’d expect them to be a complete jackass. im also american so that contributes to my ill feelings towards police officers, and c-sec in the games is generally portrayed as being a much less awful organization than the american police state, but I’ve definitely gone from always supporting Garrus when he thinks a fucker needs to die to being like... garrus rules are there for a reason, people have RIGHTS

and then like. kieran shepard is earthborn, she was in gangs. she... probably doesn’t like cops either? my last shep was, too, but tbh I didn’t think about it all that much. for the first time I’m playing a shepard that does not trust garrus and that’s WILD.

so then I’m doing sidequests on the citadel, and earthborns get a gang member from their past who tries to blackmail shep into busting one of their members out of prison. for the first time ever, I actually didn’t have the paragon or renegade points necessary to resolve the situation in a ‘good’ way for me. I got to the end of it, and my only options were to bribe him to leave me alone, or shoot him.

i’ll say in my defense, I thought shoot him would be more ‘shoot him in the leg to show him i meant business’, but shep straight up killed him, and I was like, woah. I’m gonna have to figure out how to make THAT work with this character arc!

and the turian cop who he wants you to talk to, he’s right there, and says “wow, I guess maybe the first human spectre will get things done!’ or something, indicating like. that was the Right Thing To Do by his standards. just kill a dude in public for threatening blackmail.

so in role playing games, i try to justify decisions my characters make, even if it’s a decision that I didn’t make on purpose--it’s more fun for me to try to gather these disparate character choices and cohere them into a character than to try to get it ‘right’ for the character i’m playing, if that makes sense. so here, even tho I was definitely not intending to kill that dude, I wanted to find a way to make it work for Kieran Shepard. and it’s kinda ended up shaping the whole way I’m playing her, and it’s cool and interesting bc this is a shepard unlike any I’ve played before! i’m always so focused on min/maxing my character, especially their paragon/renegade points to get the ‘best’ outcomes, that ive never been faced with something like that.

so I think this is where I’ve landed:

Kieran Shepard grows up on the streets, she does not trust authority. all she has is her crew, and herself, more importantly. she does some bad shit, she gets into trouble, she’s strong-headed and stubborn. later in life, she gets recruited to the alliance military. frankly, I think she keeps a lot of the same attitude and distrust of authority, but this is a paycheck, and I think since the Tenth Street Reds are getting really human supremacist and xenophobic, she gets out and needs to go Somewhere that her past won’t follow her--space. off earth.

mostly she’s a shithead at first. gets into trouble with the brass all the time. but she’s got a really good head for tactics. she knows how to think like a merc gang, she thinks of strategies in simulations that higher ups wouldn’t ever consider. think like. star trek 2009 captain kirk basically lmao.

and then anderson gets a hold of her. for the first time in her life, she has like, a Parental Figure, someone who knows she can do better and expects her to. and she FLOURISHES. suddenly she’s got motivation, she’s straightening up. she’s positioned on elysium and the skyllian blitz starts, and one thing she knows how to do, something she’s always been good at, it surviving, and rallying people around her to fight, not roll over and die. her skills from her life as a gangster marry with her skills as a soldier and she rallies the colonists to beat back the invasion. with her STREET SMARTS!

now she’s a war hero, and she’s starting to feel the impostor syndrome set in. she gets a medal, she gets accolades, promotions--she’s just a scrappy former criminal and she doesn’t deserve this. she doesn’t deserve any of it, or anderson’s regard. she starts spending her time trying to be The Perfect Soldier to make up for her past. for the first time, it’s a point of embarrassment to her, not a point of pride. it’s public record, sure, but she needs her entire existence to refute it. she needs to be Commander Shepard now, she needs to be The First Human Spectre, she needs to be PERFECT.

and then Finch shows up, and he’s threatening her, he wants to drag her back into the Life and he’ll blackmail her if she doesn’t comply. she knows if she bribes him he’ll be back in a month for more, he’ll never stop. so she panics. she shoots this guy, kills him in cold blood, in public. old habits die hard. and the cop practically CONGRATULATES her for it.

kieran, now, is in full blown panic mode about Who She Is. she is very much not a fan of the ‘law and order’ of C-Sec, but she’s also not a fan of the spectres and how they operate, but now she’s becoming the thing she as a teen would have hated the most. and she’s being congratulated for it. can she be trusted with this kind of responsibility?? can anyone???

anyway that’s the last thing I did but I think... honestly? the only character that could help her sort out these feelings? is kaidan alenko.

so. i think this is it. this is the playthru i finally romance kaidan.

[curechocolattymilk]

Y’know when i started this mini family chart i was thinking it’d be done by 8 or 9pm…it’s 11:30 as I’m typing this OOF

But uuuh just a quick little thing of Jeer-Tei’s family tree! Excluding his biological parents/siblings bcus it’s late & I’m sure y’all can tell when i started rushing/getting sloppy.

Left to Right, Top to Bottom! (Pink lines w/ rings mean married, blue lines are children/offspring, dashed blue lines means adopted)

Sulnne F’asun - Knight/soldier of the Hammerfell military & a loving wife ‘n mother. Has a great relationship w her spouse & kids. (still in the works)

Casim F’asun - Blacksmith, very much the big softy dad type with a contagious laugh. He often worries about his kids & tends to write to them the most.

Tamit Gravin - Teacher/Scholar in Cyrodiil & eldest of her siblings by a few years. She moved to the province with her spouse who I have yet to name/create lol. Her classes focus on astronomy & navigation!

Azahael - Knight of Hammerfell’s military, specifically in their navy! Jeer-Tei’s “twin” brother (the argonian hatched a few hours after Azahael was born) & the sibling they are closest too! Had a bit of a tense moment when word reached the fam that Tei had joined the Legion during Skyrim’s civil war, buut discussion between the two & updates on Skyrim events gave Az a better understanding for it. (Both are in agreement/are for Skyrim’s independence, but also don’t think Ulfric is best to lead it. Granted they have their differences on how it should be handled though; Az thinks Tei should have took Ulfric’s place by force & pushed out both the Legion & Thalmor, whereas Tei, as much as he despises the idea of sticking with the Legion though living at the assembly in Windhelm for a short time was a pushing factor towards it to be honest, wants to use his titles/birthright/overall growing political influence w them to pull strings in favor of getting the Empire to rebel. They can have dragons come to his aid at will, shouldn’t be too hard right?)

Jahtaal / Jeer-Tei - That one He/They y’all been hearing about. The name Jeer-Tei Perdes is actually the name of a soldier Sulnne fought alongside during the Great War, she decided to give it to the hatchling her family adopted as a way to honor the late Argonian (you can use either name for Tei, if you know em both. They could care less lol). But in Skyrim you probably know them as: Legate Perdes, The Harbinger, Listener, Guild Master, Dovahkiin/Dragonborn, the champion of Hircine. Or perhaps as the Slayer of Alduin, Ulfric Stormcloak, & Harkon? The tamer of Miraak? Local bastard? Tired Argonian Who Wants To Just Spend Time With His Husbands & Kids But Has To Do All These Political Meetings/Parties In Cyrodiil & Has An Expedition to Atmora They Were Begged To Join? All in all Tei has big things planned, fate will see if they are successful.

Kaidan & Rumarin - Y’all know them, I don’t need to ramble lol

Chases-Starlight - Eldest daughter of Tei, Kaidan, & Rumarin. She’s very big on learning & wants to be a scholar in the future. She’s just stuck on whether it’d be for astronomy or studying Dwemer ruins like Uncle Flavius is doing!

Ram-Ku - Second eldest of the trio, & Tei’s prodigy for the Dark Brotherhood! He initially met his future parent at Dawnstar in hopes Tei would train him to be an assassin, in which Tei said “uh…I can adopt you instead & we’ll see what happens.” I’m actually debating doing a bit of divergence from game events & making Ram-Ku the actual Listener, with Tei pretending to take up the position until Ram-Ku is older aaah.

Mei - Baby of the four, youngest twin by a few minutes. Mei, alongside her twin brother Otero, are a bit of a curiosity in Skyrim, & really to anyone who knows about them; after all there’s not much known/recorded of Argonian-Mer/Argonian-Man offspring. Being born under the sign of The Apprentice (the month Sun’s Height), Mei had a decently sized magicka reservoir, but even then it didn’t help much in regards to her body handling it; she has a lot of magic in that tiny body of hers (it’s joked that whatever magic potential that Rumarin didn’t get went straight to her), so any bursts/overuses would make her quite ill/fatigued. But hey it gets better as she ages/she works on her control at the College of Winterhold.

Otero - Also the baby of the four, but slightly older than Mei by a few minutes. ‘Tero seems grumpy since birth but he’s actually quite the opposite, he’s just not as social as his siblings, preferring the company of the family pets/livestock. Like Mei, he has a decent magicka reservoir, but has no interest of studying/practicing magic; unfortunately the weakness to magicka hits him extra hard. As he gets older, Otero is more interested in just chilling & being a hunter/werewolf (did he mention being a werewolf? He got it from Jeer-Tei & decided to keep the ‘gift’) rather than being part of something big, too much pressure, especially when you consider his parents/lineage.

[shadoedseptmbr]

Snippet fic

I was tagged by @swaps55 , Thankyou!  Um...tagging.... @theoriginalladya, @mallaidhsomo and anyone who’s writing and wants to share?

I tried for fluff and did not have it in me, so have a little Kaidan hospital scene? Picture him in a shirt, his buddy Chet has brought him a shirt.  And a tiedyed Alliance hoodie.  Picture him in that, if you’d like, lol.

o-o-o-o-o

He admits, he’s checking his messages more now than he’s done in years, drowning out the silence of the private room.  He gets an update from Nera and Chet, and answers them, Still in hospital, bored out of my skull but at least I'm awake. Be safe. Let me hear from you. There’s been nothing from his squads and he worries that Ferrars has been silent as well.  Hackett is bouncing intel from the Fifth and he’s been able to keep up with the Normandy’s activities around the galaxy that way, but he hasn’t forwarded anything from Ferrars and Kaidan doesn’t have clearance right now to look for his teams. 

But his parents are silent.  Shepard is, too, and he recalls her friend telling him how they’d never been able to make Shepard understand that keeping in touch was important for mere mortals.  No, that wasn’t fair...they’d said...

A flare of pain drifts across him and he’s breathing through it, trying to get by without another dose of meds when the name hits him again. Gerte.  Oh god, with the attack and...everything... it had gotten pushed to the back of his mind.  As soon as the spasm passes, as soon as he can get his fingers to listen, he runs a quick search.  

“Kaidan, I’m sorry to bounce this through you.  I have sent a few attempts to Shepard but she either isn’t receiving mail in her prison or not answering.  I have resigned my commission and Ianya and I have been given an opportunity to travel for her work.  I wanted to say goodbye but I will be out of contact soon.  Thank you for giving me one last connection to her in those dark years when we’d lost her. Please, if you are able through your connections, pass this on to her.  I would not want her to think I forgot.  She always thinks we’ll forget. I wish you joy and a good future. Stars be with you, Gerte Lundqvist

There’s a longer attachment.  He forwards it to the Normandy, trying for casual with his “I wasn’t able to get this to you before, Shepard.  Sorry for the delay.”

She always thinks we’ll forget.  He’d sent a few emails, too.  Tried to see her and been stymied. Had she?  Thought he’d forgotten?  

A fragment of conversation comes back to him, he’d been talking to Vega.  The lieutenant who’d been shadowing Shepard as she followed Anderson to the Admiral’s Hall.  A traitor and a genocidal maniac and who needs to be part of that?  The lieutenant said she’d smiled when she said it. And he can picture that smile, twisted and not reaching her eyes.  And she’d thought he’d moved on.  Been surprised when he called her out for formality.

She had thought he’d forgotten.

[kaidans-alenko]

so @maskydoolovesmasseffect made a post about a Kaidan doll and mentioned the possibility of renegade shep using it as a voodoo doll and I play as a renegade shep so naturally I opened my mouth in the tags and as a result they encouraged me to write this and I aim to please lol so here ya go, I hope you like it I know I enjoyed writing it.

You could easily call this a crack fic, probably wouldn’t be far off also Shepard and Kaidan are married because I said so <3

“Did you see spectre Alenko on the news last night?” Her husband’s name coming out of the mouth of another woman piqued her curiosity almost immediately. She wasn’t going to deny her jealous streak and even if it was just his last name it was enough to get her to walk inside to see what all the fuss was about and why some random woman was saying his name to begin with.

“I did! He’s so dreamy.” Her friend swooned as she gazed up at the promotional poster they had hung up.

“Isn’t he? I wonder if he’s single.” That set Lily off and she charged over, fully prepared to tear into them but the sight in front of her stopped her in her tracks.

"What the hell…?" A display full of new 'spectre Alenko' merchandise was displayed right next to the very similar display her and Aiden shared. It was absurd, there had to be better ways to raise money than to sell souvenirs with her husband's face on them right? 

Lily pushed past them coming face to face with dolls, posters and even a goddamn cardboard cut out. Now, she was well aware of just how gorgeous her husband was and couldn't blame the Alliance for exploiting it but the thought of random men or women walking home with and doing who knows what to a doll of him made her blood boil. She glanced at her own display, notably even more creeped out that most of the plush dolls of her were also almost gone.

Lily pulled the last one off the shelf and plopped it down right next to one of the many Kaidan dolls "No, no he isn't single." She said loud enough for the women behind her to hear as she snatched up one of everything, glaring at them before grabbing the damned cardboard cut out and dragging it along with her. 

She was most definitely shoving all this in Aiden's swanky new apartment, there was no way it would fit in the Normandy and if Kaidan saw it he'd more than likely make her return everything. 

After setting up her own personal shrine in one of the spare closets, complete with a flameless candle, seeing as Aiden didn't trust her with fire. She took a step back, admiring her handy work, Kaidan and her brother would both find it incredibly creepy but at the end of the day the credits all went to the war effort so if anything she had done a public service. 

Lily picked up the admittedly incredibly cute doll and hugged it, it in no way compared to a hug from the man himself but it would do. She looked down at it "Hmmmm…" setting the doll back down she climbed up on the step stool Aiden kept around for her a dug in her emergency sewing kit looking for a pin or a needle, either would do she just needed something sharp and a knife or scissors would do more damage than she needs, they also fell on Aiden's list of 'things Lily isn't allowed to play with' but that's besides the point. It was a wonder he let her have knitting needles. 

Hopping off the stool she picked the doll back up and examined it "Now...if it is a voodoo doll poking it's cute little plush head would be far too cruel." Lily looked between the pin and the doll's hand, with a shrug she gave it a quick prick not wanting to jab it in all the way if it actually did cause real damage to him. She doubted it though.

-------------

Out of nowhere Kaidan felt a sharp pain in his hand resulting in the coffee mug he was holding to shatter onto the ground, the hot cinnamon flavored liquid spilling onto the cold metal floor of the Normandy. Sighing, he bent down to clean it up. "I thought my sister was the clumsy one between you two." Aiden said as he grabbed some paper towels to sop up the coffee while Kaidan picked up the shattered bits of the mug, his favorite mug. 

"Yeah I don't know what happened, all of a sudden I had this weird pain in my hand."

"Pain?"

Kaidan nodded "Like someone stabbed me, it's gone now though." He said as he stood up to toss the broken ceramic pieces into the garbage.

"Good but do you know what caused it?"

"No idea."  Kaidan chuckled "maybe Lily put a curse on me or something."

Aiden laughed "If she's bored enough I wouldn't put it past her to learn witchcraft." They both shuddered at the thought "But let's not give her ideas."

---------

“Lily! Are you in here?” Aiden called as he walked in, she had some errands to run which was fine, he hadn’t really needed her for today’s mission anyway but he had expected her to be on the ship when he returned but she was nowhere in sight. 

“Uh yeah! In here!” she called back as she frantically tried to hide everything, she didn’t think he’d be mad but he would definitely find her crazier than he already did. 

“You had me worried, you’ve been gone all day so I-what are you doing?” He asked, raising an eyebrow.

“Wha-what ever are you talking about Ai?” Lily tried to appear nonchalant as her back was pressed tight against the closet door, guarding it best she could.

He narrowed his eyes at her “You’re hiding something.” 

Lily scoffed “What? Aiden, I'm appalled, I've never hidden anything from you ever in my entire life.”

“Fine, then move.”

Lily blinked in surprise “Huh?” 

“I forgot my hoodie and it’s cold, move.”

“No.”

“No?” 

“I’ll grab it for you.” She said, turning around to open it but Aiden lifted her up by her underarms, placing her off to the side like she was a small child and with her height she might as well have been.

“Lil, what the actual hell is this?” His eyes didn’t know where to look. He knew she was a tad bit obsessed with him but they were married so that wasn’t necessarily a bad thing, he just never expected her to make a shrine. 

“Aiden listen I-”

“Where did you even get this stuff?” He asked, staring at the life size cutout, wondering how she was even able to get it home when it was a whole foot taller than her. 

“One of the gift shops was selling it for the war effort.”

“So you bought out the whole store?!”

“No!” she looked down awkwardly “I only bought one of everything…”

“And set up a shrine in my apartment for a man you’re already married to?”

 “We’re twins Aiden, we share everything so it’s not just your apartment.” 

“Not true also that’s not my point.” 

“Are you gonna tell Kaidan?” She looked up at him with puppy eyes, Aiden’s one weakness.

Aiden stared at her, he knew the right thing to do was dismantle it and tell Kaidan but his sister was too cute and he found himself unwilling to punish her like that. “No…keep your creepy shrine.” he said with a sigh.

“Yay!” she hugged him “you’re the best brother ever.” 

“No, I'm an enabler, I enable you.” He said despite the small blush that krept on his cheeks, glancing back at the shrine, maybe he and Kaidan weren’t far off about the witchcraft thing.

-----------

Lily lounged on the bed in the captain's quarters, humming to herself as she poked various parts of the doll, Kaidan walking in as she stuck the pin in his back “Ow, shit!” he exclaimed, arching his back slightly and instinctively placing a hand on the area.

Lily froze, looking at the doll then back at him “What’s wrong?” 

Kaidan shook his head “I don’t know, I just suddenly had this sharp pain in my back.”

“O-oh, I’m sorry babe, do you want a massage?” 

“I probably just pinched a nerve or something,” he said as he walked over to her “I felt the same pain in my hand earlier too but it went away almost instantly.” 

“How weird.” she played along as she hastily shoved the doll behind a pillow.

“I know, I should probably go see Chakwas later.” He sat down next to her against the very same pillow she shoved the doll under and she broke out in a cold sweat “is there something under the pillow? It feels like it’s propped up.”

Lily quickly snatched the mako figuring that sat above the bed “The mako is missing it probably just fell.”

“No...this feels softer.” He pushed the pillow to the side and found the plush doll of him laying face down with a pin in its back. Lily closed her eyes, lips pressed together, her head hung low “Hey Lil?”

“Yeah what’s up babe?” she asked, her voice slightly high pitched.

“What am I looking at right now?”

“A doll of you…”

Kaidan nodded “Uh huh, follow up question.” he took the pin out “why was this stuck in its back?”

“I was pretending it was a voodoo doll…”

“Excuse me?” 

“I didn’t think it actually was! I was just poking it for fun.” She said defensively, though the more she thought about it the more she realized how demented it probably seemed. 

“Right, well I’m getting rid of this before you accidentally cripple me.” Kaidan set the pin on the bed stand, grabbing the doll by it’s small plush arm and walking over to the door with it.

Lily hopped up, discarding the mako toy as she hurried after him, wrapping her arms around his waist to stop him, for as small as she was she had some incredible strength “I’m sorry, I won’t do it anymore but don’t throw him away he didn’t do anything wrong!” 

“Lily, it's still creepy voodoo or not.” 

“No he’s not he’s adorable!” 

“I broke my favorite mug because of this thing!”” He exclaimed.

“That wasn’t his fault!” She looked up at him, eyes glistening with tears “please Kaidan…”

The rational part of his brain knew she was without a doubt faking but if she wasn’t and really was this attached to a doll she only had for barely a day he’d look like a pretty heartless husband for tossing it.

“Fine...take it.” Lily detached herself from him immediately, a huge grin on her face as she took the doll back. 

“I promise no more voodoo!” She said as she held it protectively against her chest. 

“Where did you even get that anyway?”

“One of the souvenir shops had a whole display. I wanted to buy them all but had no place to put them.” 

“A display?”

“Yeah, apparently you’re a spectre and a marketing tool.” 

“That’s….great.” He was definitely gonna have to talk to Hackett about that.

“Now I can add you to my plush collection, maybe i’ll knit him a pink sweater so he fits in.” 

“Sounds wonderful honey.” He said, running a hand down his face.

She looked at him “Do you want one too?”

“I’m good, thanks.” He didn’t have a headache when he walked into the cabin but he certainly did now, Lily had a way of doing that to a person.

[risualto]

Hey Risu 😊 Could you write a microprompt number 31 - Breeze? (I think that there haven't been an ask about this one before, sorry if I am wrong😅) Maybe for your Shepard? 😊 /// (And as soon as you formally introduce Rebecca I WILL flood you with asks about her 😂) /// Take care 😉

Ah, man, it’s been a while since I’ve written about my Shepard.  I made her so long ago that it was before I even really started having multiple PCs for games like that aha.  I should probably write about her more... oops.

Thank you for the ask <3  And also, I don’t know if I’ll ever formally introduce Rebecca, so feel free to just...ask.  Lol.  Maybe your questions will help me turn her into a real character instead of just a blob for testing.

Lorelei “Lori” Shepard was a mostly paragon Sentinel who romanced Liara in the first game, no one in the second, and then ultimately got together with Kaidan.  I don’t remember all the details of her career, but I think she was a Spacer with the Sole Survivor background. This is set sometime shortly before the start of ME3, when Shepard is still on Earth in Alliance custody post-Arrival.

Lori liked to think she was resilient, after everything life, death, and her strange second chance had thrown at her.  And yet, every time she heard a whisper about how unfair it was that she had committed a massacre and yet was sitting pretty in a nice room at Alliance HQ with a damn view and almost free reign to walk around where she wanted, the breeze of her open window felt less like a gentle caress and more like a violent Warp.  She felt sick.  Her hands tightened on the sill until the metal pressed angry, crimson lines into her palms.

She wanted to explain herself, but even with the most just cause, even if she had bought the galaxy the time it would need, how could she justify it to every mother, father, parent, sibling, friend who had lost their whole galaxy because of what she did?

Her own mother hadn’t tried to contact her once.  Lori couldn’t blame her.

[ghostxofxartemis]

Fandom meme asks: A, O, P

Thank you for asking my dear friend! 

A: Your current OTP(s)/OT3/OTX(s)

Hmm the obvious choices and others that I can think at the top of my head right now. I’m sure there’s more. 

Shepley

MShenko

F!Shenko

But I also like:

Miranda/Jack

Lawenko

Shep/Kaidan/James

Shep/Kaidan/Cortez

Willenko (I wasn’t a fan of Willenko until a few of my favorite authors wrote some, now I’m into it. (Ashley is mine! xD) 

O. Choose a Song at random, which ship or character does it remind you of?

Okay, ngl it took a few shuffles for my brain to start warming up the hamster wheel. 

But when it fell on Winds of Change by Vance Joy it reminded me of Axel in my current (M!Shenko pairing) one shot-fic that I started writing. He’s one of my few  Shepards who actually retire post-war (John’s aiming his M-98 Widow at me right now lol, he has not retired *snorts*) and he’s alone at home while Kaidan is off on duty. Axel, feeling a bit lonely, is waiting for him to come home, and it just reminded me of that. 

P. Invent a random AU for any fandom (we always need more ideas). 

Oh you! I should hate you right now but making me think of other AU makes me adore you! 

I have several in mind. 

1. Modern Police AU for Shepley most likely (mentioned in the BBB server with Chimerarts actually, will eventually be doing this - I just need to experience the cadet training first hand… relatively soon...I believe?) 

In my head John would already be a police officer, providing for his wife and two kids. Becoming a police officer is also Ashley’s dream but she put that dream on hold to raise their two children up until they start school. When the children are both in school, that’s when she goes for training and starts her career. (Ashley in his case would be me (minus the children because I don’t have any- but I did put my dream on hold of an ex who could have been considered a child because it sure felt I was raising him at times). 

It would be a spin on the post-war family I’ve made for them. 

So they still would have Alexandra as their daughter and Kaidan as their son (Kaidan would be named after John’s work partner that died in the line of fire… maybe protecting a family?) 

Well this got developed further in the last 2 mins than it did last week or the week before when I talked to Chimerarts about this lol.

2. Maybe a Van Helsing AU (Like the show on Netflix - have you seen it? It’s amazing!) 

And seriously, being back on the Fallout 4 binge again, that could be really cool as well. 

3. And then there was a Tutor one mentioned in the BBB server once more.  But I don’t think this one will be made. Who knows though.

Oh Maxrev...what have you done?!! You’ve created a MONSTER! LOL! 

[rubyredsundae]

Mass Effect Trilogy Tag!

I was not tagged by anyone, I just really wanted to join in. If you see this and want to as well, please do! I've been loving reading through everyone's :)

I am a fan since… 2011ish? Definitely at least a year before ME3 came out. I remember watching my brother play ME2 and thinking it was so cool. While he was away it was a huge comfort for me to play it in his room, kind of like a bonding or cathartic experience for someone who wasn't there at the time.

When ME3 came out, me and him went to the midnight release at a gamestop like 40 minutes away or something, wearing clothes we threw together to kind of fit the N7 color scheme. Even though we don't talk anymore, those memories are still really precious to me. Also, the nostalgia of playing ME1 after-school or on the weekend, running to get my easy mac from the microwave during a cutscene, stuffing too hot mouthfuls while speeding the Mako towards the conduit on Ilos.

Favorite game of the series: It's a tough call between ME1 and ME2, but I'd say ME2. It's the game I get the urge to replay the most.

MaleShep or FemShep? Femshep all the way. I only play MShep when I want to do his exclusive romances. No offense to BroShep, but ME was the first game I ever played that let me not just be a girl, but customizable. Not just to be the already generated token girl character in a pack of boys. And not only can you play Femshep, but every game you are surrounded by smart, funny, tough women as squadmates. It was such a huge deal to me, and still is. Femshep represents so much. As Jennifer Hale put it, FemShep was a military grade boot to the video game industry glass ceiling.

Earthborn, Colonist or Spacer? I personally tend to lean spacer in-game, but I tend to use Earthborn when I'm writing fics.

Paragon or Renegade? Usually Paragon, but Renegade playthroughs can be really interesting, especially if I have a detailed background about why Shep is the way they are. My first Renegade, Krystle, is pretty bigoted and anti-alien until she meets Liara. Krystle is naturally guarded and quick to anger, so meeting someone who seemed to accept her and listen to her without judgment really opens her mind.

By the 2nd game, she wakes up in the cerberus lab with new biotic powers, having previously been a regular foot soldier. This makes her seeth, having someone completely take her agency, agreeing with the illusive man on the surface but plotting against him the entire time. She starts to lean more Paragon, if only to piss him off. She has the biggest smirk on her face when she blows up the collector base.

Biotics or Tech? Oooh, this is hard. Maybe biotics just the tiniest smidge because of Jack/Samara biotic bubble throw during the suicide mission. I don't know if we'll ever get a screen adaptation but THAT is a moment I would pay to see done with a big SFX budget behind it.

Favorite class: Sentinel! I don't know how much this reflects on my class preference in gaming in general, but I love the 'jack of all trades'ness of it. By the time I get an assault rifle, I don't really feel the need for anyone else to make up for something I lack. Also, tech armor in ME2? Where your shields regenerate automatically when it breaks, and the cool down is when you initially active it, instead of when you detonate it? Chef's kiss. I understand why it was nerfed in 3 but I'm still mad.

Favorite companion: Ho boy. This is obviously very difficult to choose but I'm gonna say Miranda. I've always loved and identified with her character, I love the accent, and she's always useful on missions. I was so happy when I learned she could be a squadmate in the armax arena.

Honorable mention to Ashley in ME1. Her character is rarely used to exposition lore, so she just gets to have her personality fleshed out. I don't always agree with her but she does seem genuinely willing to listen. ME3 tosses her out the airlock though; partially because her content was bugged and never restored, leaving her inclusion feel half-baked, and partly because Ash and Kaidan have to be able to serve the same plot function as each other and it negatively affects her character more than his. This could also be intentional on bioware's part, to try to flesh out kaidan's personality and tone down Ashley's as a response to criticisms of them from ME1.

Least favorite companion: Also difficult, because I don't really hate anyone as much as I am just less interested in some. I didn't like Zaeed for a long time, but I think he's much better and really funny in ME3. James was pushed on me too much at the beginning and it made me really dislike him, but I think he's greatly improved and also pretty funny in Citadel DLC. I'm also pretty indifferent to Jacob; I don't think he's a bad character, just disappointing because there was a lot of potential.

Not that every character has to go on and do some grand quest to be interesting, but I don't feel like Jacob every really got a big hero moment like everyone else. He is a very calm and introverted person (imo) who doesn't really share his feelings, so it's always been hard for to to connect with him on anything.

My squad selection: Depends on the game, but it usually involves Garrus lol. Typically it's Liara/Garrus in ME1, Miranda/Garrus for ME2, and Liara/Garrus again in ME3. I am very boring and predictable! If you have any suggestions for me to try out and mix things up, let me know!

Favorite in-game romance: Also depends on the game. ME1 it's Liara, hands down. It was the first game, really the first piece of media, where I was told two women could fall in love and be happy and that was okay. The amount of enlightenment and comfort in figuring out that I was bi these games brought me is kind of wild to look back on.

ME2 is a toss-up between Garrus and Thane. They are both wonderful but in completely different ways. I tend to now romance Thane on characters I don't plan on importing to ME3, or if I do, to just have a really depressed fucking Shepard lol. I hate how much Thane was brushed off, especially if you romanced him.

Other pairings I like: l love Miranda so much, but I'm a gay girl so I ship her and Femshep. Same goes for Tali, Jack, Ashley... damn I'm just really gay for straight girls huh :/

I don't really have any other ships for non-Shep related pairings.

Favorite NPC: Shiala is really cool to me, I wish we got to see her in 3. Emily Wong is also cool, also wish we saw her in 3. There's probably a lot more that when I come across them next I'll be like, "you! I love you! You're my favorite."

Oh also Joker! And EDI! But not together. Idk I feel like ME3 threw a curveball at me with "do you support organic/non-organic relationships?" Like m'am please don't ask me, I accidentally drank turian liquor last year, I'm not qualified to be an expert on this.

Favorite antagonist: Tbh I really dig Saren. I think his reasoning is super fascinating, both to set up how someone who's indoctrinated can rationalize to themselves that they are still in control; and as a foil to Shepard, to show what can happen when you become too isolated and the ends justify the means. I think his VA does a great job of walking the line between desperate survivor and madman. He's also the only antagonist in the trilogy that we ever fight 1 on 1 (ignoring squadmates) and it feels more personal. I think he's such a fantastic foe for the first entry in a trilogy and I don't think he gets enough credit.

Favorite mission: Is it cliche to say the suicide mission? It's honestly close to perfect. The stakes, the sequencing, the cinematics, the score. Everything works so well.

Favorite loyalty mission: Kasumi's and Tali's are really cool, as we all know. Samara's is also cool because it is entirely non-combat based. Shepard has to prove they can accomplish what seems impossible without a gun or biotics.

The confrontation at the end with Morinth always haunts me a little, because they are both right in their own way. Morinth's final line, "and they say I'm the monster", as you let Samara kill her, watch her scrambling backwards in fear... I know that she's a remorseless killer, but it gets me every time.

Favorite DLC: It's Citadel, obviously. Turns out what I really wanted was quality time and a party with all my friends. I love mass effect for many reasons, but simulating friends and affection when I had none has always made me bond to this series like other games don't. Is it sad? Sure! But I don't think love and affection for fictional characters should ever be shameful until it makes you hurt other people.

Control, Synthesis or Destroy? I'd say destroy. If the other options were presented earlier and we had time to stew with it, maybe I'd be more split. But all of this in 5 minutes? It's not like the collector base where the implications are obvious and the choice is just down to what Shepard believes. The 3 choices all seem like space magic out of nowhere, and none of them seem to really offer any insight on what Shepard should believe. So I say destroy, just because it's what Shep has intended and is most consistent with their character and their admiration of Anderson.

Favorite weapon: The spectre level assault rifle in ME1. Never have I felt more powerful.

Favorite place: Idk why but I just thought of the creepy lab with all the scientists during the leviathan DLC. I really love when Mass Effect leans into the Lovecraftian horror aspect of things. Talking to Sovereign and Vigil in ME1 gave me goosebumps my first few playthroughs.

A quote I like: I have hundreds, but the one off the top of my head is, "After time adrift among open stars, along tides of light and through shoals of dust, I will return to where I began." I have a poster of it up on my wall right now!

[vaguely-concerned]

Mass Effect Initiation thoughts

In short: this book is actually really good, N.K. Jemisin is, as we all know, an excellent writer! It’s the story of how Cora met Alec Ryder and joined the Initiative, and it has SO much good good SAM content and I am full of emotions. 

- poor cora is so continually out of her depth, I want to give her a hug. the points made about her in the main game are true though -- she is not ready for leadership yet. (and that’s fine! she does much better with something or someone to belong to and that is so Valid. she’s an honorable Loyal Knight!!! one of the sexiest things to be, as we all know)

I think I’ll actually like her a lot more on this new playthrough now -- she must have been quite hard to write compellingly in the game because at the end of the day she’s really very straightforward and honest and loyal, it’s quite hard to uh ‘hide’ things in her character  

- alec ryder deadass installed an unspeakably illegal (and did I mention experimental?) AI in cora’s head with no informed consent whatsoever. d A D 

(when cora is like ‘are you actually going to another galaxy because they don’t have laws to stop you from committing fully to your craziness in public’ and alec is like *...maybe so meme* fadsfhkj he does literally say ‘this is why I’m going to another galaxy’ out loud at a later point of the book)

- this book is giving me the good good SAM content ;________; I love SAM so much, the scene where cora thinks she’s dying and SAM talks to her? when cora asks SAM if he’s okay being connected to her because if he’s sentient that matters to her (cora is a Good)? SAM explicitly having inherited alec ryder’s sense of humour and sarcasm and alec a) doesn’t know how it happened, b) distantly thinks he should probably track that process down and turn it off (and never does) and c) regrets all his life choices when his robot kid mercilessly snarks at him and questions his life choices? please bioware give me an me:a sequel with more of this stuff I’ll eat it up with a spoon

- body diverse asari! HUGE BUFF ASARI! Short stocky beautiful matriarch asari with one krogan and one turian trophy husband fast asleep in her bed in the background of a vidcall fkdjshfkjsdlhfkjsdah god I love mass effect with my entire heart

- OLD LADY INFORMATION BROKER VOLUS WORKING OUT OF ILLIUM!!!! this is not a drill what the fUCK this is the coolest shit 

- fasdklhfsjkdalfhsdjk okay in Alec Ryder POV: “I don’t think [Cora] likes me very much.” Which probably meant she had good judgement. AFLSKJDHGJSDKF ALEC 

he has a weird flip-flopping sense of self -- he is uncompromisingly (one might even say... astoundingly arrogantly) secure in his own intellectual superiority and that most other people are idiots not to be trusted and that he needs to do things himself because others would mess it up, and yet there’s this clear seam of self loathing around basically everything else about himself too. (You know who he reminds me of, in a more military and less visibly anxious way? Rodney McKay. Alec Ryder is like a slightly unfortunate outcome for a McShep lovechild. I think we just figured out why I have sort of a soft spot for him even though he’s a certifiable dick lol) 

- this book really makes it hit home that cora grew up incredibly isolated and dirt poor. I’ve seen some people say her backstory is all sunshine and daisies compared to kaidan and especially jack’s, but honestly her background is complicated and fucked up enough that I’m just like ‘shit baby :(’ all the time

- well I have successfully solved the puzzle about whether alec ryder is an idealist or not; he absolutely is. a grouchy, bad-tempered one with no people skills, but an idealist nonetheless. alec ryder is in fact a storm of 150000 emotions in a trenchcoat, barely held in check by a thin fragile outer shell of iron lol, SAM was absolutely right to say that he was mostly governed by his feelings. (and I mean if anyone would know it’d be SAM I guess). I found some of it sort of sweet actually: he reflects in passing that one of the biggest reliefs of no longer being in the alliance is that he’ll never have to risk other people’s lives again. he fundamentally wants to build something good to help people live and be happy instead of destroying things. (he also is quite bad at predicting how other people could corrupt and use his innovations precisely to be destructive b/c he doesn’t think that’s the ~*logical*~ thing to do, so... y’know haha, maybe it’s good he went to another galaxy, the milky way could not contain his chaos) 

also he thinks a lot about his wife, even though she’s been dead for years at this point. o u c h (she truly does seem to have been a tether for him in so many ways though -- like a tie to the real world/normalcy/possibly sanity, and that’s a bit how he still evokes her)

additionally: alec ryder did fistfight at the very least one dude in the line of bureaucratic duty, and perhaps more, enough for SAM to have a list of warning signs ready and at hand jdfsklfhasdjf. he did, very much, throw a dude through a table. (at least it’s implied said dude was an asshole) I LOVE that alec’s SAM is  the snarkiest iteration we’ve seen and that he’s perfectly willing to call the old man out on his bullshit (alec stresses that SAM is supposed to do what he says at the end of the day, but his SAM is also less subservient and more willing to argue and discuss things than any other we get to see -- and this is of course the SAM Ryder inherits, but I don’t think SAM is as confident in being able to read the PC correctly until a bit further into the game and the twin is of course a different person who’ll respond to different things so he’s not quite as... blunt? I guess? in confronting them about things. (the whole concept is just! so! interesting!!) anyway I feel like all of this says something about alec’s parenting style, for better or for worse haha. he sort of tries to be authoritarian but his children (well canonically at least Sara, she references having yelled at him a lot over the years) aren’t afraid to fight back or scared of the consequences of disagreeing, so I get the distinct feeling his temper never flared violently like that with his family at all, I think he’s more prone to just pulling away in disapproval.) 

- I enjoy how casually diverse this book is  -- Jemisin has done such a good job making sure especially the human characters are from different backgrounds and places, as they would be lore-wise in the Mass Effect universe, though the games often skew unfortunately white. (andromeda much less so than the trilogy, though)   

- my heart. is so so soft for the fact that a huge reason for cora to join the initiative is how much she bonds with SAM-E. and I am so sad for her because she just wants someone or something who’ll stay, something that won’t disappear on her without closure like her parents; she’s so insecure and scared under her competence (and WHY THE FUCK WOULDN’T SHE BE holy shit her parents just. weren’t there one day after she left home so she wouldn’t accidentally crush their ship with her untrained biotics and kill them all). and she chooses alec and his dream. and then alec goes and FUCKING DIES at the first opportunity Y____________Y alternate universe alec please drink your victor sullivan juice and survive, all these dumb children need you  

- I am so surprised about how much fond respect alec seems to have for cora and how quickly he developed it. I suppose he has a harder time with his own children because it’s closer to home? he is a complicated man lol, this last part of the book where he shows her the ark and everything is weirdly sweet. again I think he has the potential to be a good dad somewhere in there and that just makes it so much worse that he wasn’t. (also he staunchly considers himself still a married man. god help me) 

they’ve both grown to honestly love their sams T________T fml. (well alec has sort of bound up all of himself, the things he loves and their future in SAM, so it’s a bit more complicated but my point still stands) alec advocating for a consensual synthesis is very heartfelt and convincing; you really want to believe him.

cora seen through someone else’s eyes is also SO AMAZING!!! after this whole book in her head and she feels so flailing and uncertain and adrift and other people naturally view her completely differently. I especially like alec picking up on her not talking a lot. (I think this is why she responds so well to SAM, who’ll be there always and can be in her head. I wish this part of cora was more evident in the game, the fact that she has this sibling-like connection to SAM seems very important. sequel where both SAM and Ryder grow closer to becoming her actual family? please? I keep begging for ME:A2 into an empty aching void haha) 

- alec ‘I don’t have time to die’ ryder still talking about everyone else being idiots as he’s slowly catching fire while saving SAM fhdjfhsdlfhasdhlfsjd he is an asshole but it is hard not to stan 

- nO SAM-E D:D:D: oh well at least he’s still alive within SAM, in a way?

- hey. hey you know what’s fun. alec tries to use his last words and last thoughts to ask cora to tell the kids about ellen being alive this time too. haha. ha. fuck

he consistently goes out thinking of his family despite all his bullshit and I’m not okay

- CORA IS A PERFECT BODYGUARD/SECOND IN COMMAND AND I’M EMOTIONAL 

- alec is. surprisingly afraid to hurt people emotionally? he keeps putting off telling cora the bad news about SAM-E, to SAM’s stated disapproval lol (I must repeat again: I love SAM so so much). this supports my thesis that in his personal life he’s avoidant rather than confrontational/aggressive. (professionally... again, he did very much throw a man through a table) 

- man I hope we some day get SAM being this comfortably close and sarcastic with Ryder too. thinking about SAM-E and the small differences between him and uh SAM ‘prime’ it really must have been a huge thing for him too to become someone else, especially after the last person died like that. and he kind of has no choice but to experience that loss and death intimately. (now that I think about it that’s. fucked up, man. he literally felt alec go like it happened to himself.) 

If I were to summarize the differences between the SAMs we have seen, cora’s SAM-E seems younger, more exuberant, shyer and more -- what’s a non-shitty word for needy haha? it’s very firmly established that cora longs to feel needed, so this makes perfect sense. alec’s SAM is blunter, snarkier and more prone to questioning things, and hilariously is sort of alec’s emotional intelligence. (probably serves a similar role to what ellen used to, actually. ow) scott/sara’s SAM feels more worried/focused -- which also makes sense; he’s just experienced losing his person/pathfinder, in a real way he’s also recently orphaned and must be Extremely aware that he now has an enormous responsibility, not only what he was built for but for what remains of alec’s family. ...poor SAM 

(come to think of it I guess one vibe I get from in-game SAM is a little bit of ’harried and anxious yet loving and responsible uncle’ hahaha)

- so at this point alec knew cora could never be pathfinder after him, and he never told her. *accumulation of asshole points continues, though I suspect this might have come from a place of not wanting to hurt her again (b/c he’s the only one who has a right to know these important things amirite)* but I’m also strangely touched that the reason he’s hesitant to involve his children in the whole thing isn’t that he doesn’t have faith in them, it’s that he doesn’t want to burden their lives with something so heavy, a burden he created. can you just imagine... if this man had managed to take the time to explain himself, his motivations and his feelings to his children just once. just one fUCKING time. am I laughing am I crying I honestly don’t know

- this book makes me ache all over for the potential of Andromeda. and I don’t think it’s too late to salvage it either. I know a sequel probably won’t happen, at least not any time soon, but... *sits by rainy window like a wife wistfully wondering if her husband will return from sea*

[theoriginalladya]

WIP Whenever

Oh, @pigeontheoneandonly, your timing on this couldn’t be better!!!  I got clobbered by the muses yesterday, so yay, incoming werwolfy things!!!!!  Thanks for tagging me!

Tagging ANYONE!!!!  C’mon and join in and just tag me back so I can see what you all are up to!

Werewolf the Apocalypse meets Mass Effect - Caleb Shepard/Kaidan Alenko (mshenko) pairing - this is from a writing prompt from @mallaidhsomo that quickly got out of control.  Still editing and over 3500 words, so likely will end up it’s own thing. :P  THANK YOU FOR THAT PROMPT!  DOORS FLEW OPEN!

(it’s really strange how easily some of this stuff blends and how challenging the rest is! lol)

Just a heads up, in case you don’t want to see it:  transformations occur (not graphic), discussion of wounds/scars, brief mention of nudity.

From deeper within the facility, the rat-tat-tat-tat of gunfire mix with shouts and screams.  And  yet, oddly enough, the halls still remain empty but for them.  

Finally, after what feels like an eternity, Ashley points at a heavy metal door.  “This one!”

Kaidan immediately sets on the lock, but his hacking attempts fail miserably.  This must be the right place if the doors are so heavily secured.

Beside him, Williams pushes him away.  “Let me,” she says in a voice that’s already lowering even as her body starts to change.  For her, the shift is easy; one’s breed form is the simplest change.  Immediately, she rushes at the door and tries to burst it inside.

“Wait!”  Kaidan sighs and takes a step back out of the way.  There’s no arguing with a determined Get, and Ash has always had a chip on her shoulder.  While she attempts to brute force the door, he pulls his focus inward, closes his eyes, and attempts to ally with the spirits to Peek through.  When his eyes open again, he’s seeing far beyond the door and Ashley standing in front of him.

“Room’s empty but …”  His breath catches, eyes widening.  “I … There’s someone in there!”

In the guttural language of their kind, Williams orders him out of the way.  He quickly retreats from his vision and does so.  As he settles back into himself, Ashley steps back as far as she can, lowers her shoulder and runs straight for the barricade, a loud, piercing growl releasing from her throat as she makes contact.  Though it doesn’t break the door down, it does seem to loosen it up. At the same time, another blaring alarm sounds, adding to the cacophony surrounding them.  Williams retreats again and repeats her previous action. Kaidan, for his part, wraps his hands around his weapon, searching the halls for anyone who might take an unexpected or undue interest in them.  Still, nothing.

“Got it!”

Kaidan raises his left arm to protect his face as the door finally gives.  Williams stumbles a few steps inside before coming to a stop.  As he tries to follow, he’s thwarted by her furry form.  “Called-to-Glory, move!” he orders in Garou, moving around her to the left.  He only takes a step, however, when he sees the problem.  A partial wall of flames blocks their way forward.  Searching above, Kaidan spies a sprinkler system which, for some reason, has yet to kick in.  Aiming his weapon at it, he fires.  Within seconds, droplets spurt forth.  They do little to put out the flames, however.  Sighing in frustration, Kaidan shifts to his own crinos form.  As a rule, Garou are as afraid of fire as any of the other changing breeds, but since crinos is not his breed form, it will offer him some healing benefit if he takes damage.  

There isn’t much room to move in the space, but he manages to get in three steps before leaping over the flame.  He lands on the other side a bit awkwardly and lurches forward into one of the unoccupied examination tables in the room, his mass and bulk shifting it forward like a drunken krogan.  But as he rises again, using the thing to steady himself, he finally gets a good look at what he observed when peeking earlier.  “Get over here!” he shouts back over his shoulder to Williams before stumbling forward.  

There, lying on the table on the furthest side of the room, is the body of wolf, solid white fur, blunt snout, and blue woaded glyphs that run all over him.  He knows those markings, recognizes the shape of the head.  He steps up beside his friend and slowly reaches out a hand while sending a prayer to the spirits and Gaia that he has not finally lost his mind …

An ear twitches as one of Kaidan’s claws brushes close, barely touching, and he pulls back immediately.  Looking closer now, he can see the wolf’s belly rising and falling with each breath.  Jagged lines mark his body, his face, from head to tail that remind him of pelts sewn together to form a blanket.  In the next moment, the wolf’s eyes flicker open.  “Sealgaire?”

Panting softly, the wolf turns his head, eyes never leaving Kaidan’s.  The growling guttural language of the Garou that escapes is weak, but proof he isn’t seeing things.  “Cneasí?”

A loud growl behind him alerts Kaidan that Ashley is still present.  Looking back, he notes the fire has diminished somewhat, though the alarms still blare loudly and weapons fire can still be heard in the distance.  “We need to go,” he tells the wolf.  “Now.  Can you move? Can you shift?”  He steps back to give him room, and at the same time transforms back to homid.  

Sealgaire slowly pulls himself to the edge of the table; he falls over the edge more than hops off, but manages to land on all four feet and though he wobbles somewhat, he remains upright.  Then his eyes close.  Kaidan retreats further to give him as much room as he needs.  It takes several minutes, at first he only makes it to crinos – still the same white fur marked with blue woaded glyphs – but after another minute, a tall, dark-haired homid shape takes the familiar form of Commander Caleb Shepard.  Alive. Breathing.  And completely naked.  

Kaidan cannot hide a wince.  The marks he’d seen on the wolf are much clearer in this form, wounds of some sort that aren’t even close to being fully healed.  Carefully, Kaidan reaches out a hand to touch his shoulder, whispering, “Shepard?”

Caleb stares back, disbelief and bewilderment on his face. He tries to take a step … and nearly falls flat on his face.  Kaidan lurches forward, sliding under his arm in support and guiding him to lean on the table.  As he looks around the room for anything that might help, he finds a storage closet. “Williams,” he shouts, gesturing for Shepard to stay put, “get over here now!”

[inkprintedfox]

OTP Game!

Pick your top 10 OTPs without reading the questions.

Tagged by @advena87

Did you write this? It's freaking awesome and I had a lot of fun with it! Thank you for tagging me!

I ship quite a few things but I tried to pick the 10 that hold most of my attention right now or are classic favorites of mine that I'll never be over.

1. Iorveth x Roche

2. Iorveth x Geralt

3. Roche x Geralt

4. Zevran x Warden

5. Fenris x Anders

6. Fenris x Hawke

7. Dorian x Inquisitor

8. Reyes Vidal x Scott Ryder

9. Kaidan x MShepard

10. Vetra x Sara Ryder

1. Do you remember the episode/scene/chapter that you first started shipping 6?

Fenris x Hawke

Uh YEAH, it's one of the top things that made me look forward to playing DA2 and is still one of the top things I love about the game.

2. Have you ever read a fanfic about 2?

Iorveth x Geralt

Yep, actually fanfiction is what made me ship it. For some reason it never occurred to me while playing the game. After reading some fics though I'm like, it actually makes a lot of sense? They're really cute together and the fluff in this ship kills me.

3. Has a picture of 4 ever been your screen saver/profile picture/tumblr screen saver?

Zevran x Warden

No, maybe one day if I ever commission a piece of him and my Warden though.

4. If 7 were to suddenly break up today, what would your reaction be?

Dorian x Inquisitor (Maxwell Trevelyan)

Noooooo! Maxie what the hell did you do? Go to Tevinter and make it up to him NOW! Honestly though if Dorian ever left him Max would probably go back to Ostwick and drink himself to death. Then the Inquisition falls apart and SOLAS TEARS THE VEIL APART AND THE WORLD ENDS. *cries forever*

5. Why is 1 so important?

Iorveth x Roche

I relate heavily to both characters and am a sucker for antagonistic relationships. I love how two characters that share a lot of similarities can be two completely different people. And even though I do like the romantic relationship with them I actually see them more of mortal enemies turning into best friends or even adopted family. I think that scenario just fits them more that them being lovers. Plus if we're all being honest it's more likely they would kill each other rather than fuck. (But we can all fantasize RIGHT?)

6. Is 9 a funny ship or a serious ship?

Kaidan x MShepard (Jaxson Shepard)

Oh, that is beyond serious. Jax fell for Kaidan in ME1 after the first month with the team and held on to that unrequited love all the way till ME3 when Kaidan blows his mind and asks him out. Jax played it cool but in reality was in total shock and it took him a full week to recover.

7. Out of all the ships listed, which ship has the most chemistry?

Dorian x Inquisitor (Maxwell Trevelyan)

They just clicked right away. Max is a flirt and was actually interested in a few others but once Dorian and him started talking it was over, no one else mattered.

8. Out of all your ships listed, which ship has the strongest bond?

Zevran x Warden (Feielle Tabris)

Max & Dorian and Jax & Kaidan are close runner ups on this but I think Fe and Zev have to win this one. They have always 100% trusted each other and even though they spend a lot of time apart when they meet again it's like they never left. They just understand one another so well they don't even have to use words. (Not that it stops Zevran from pouring praise and compliments on her.)

9. How many times have your read/watched 10’s fandom

Vetra x Sara Ryder

Not very often right now since I'm on my Witcher high. I do miss all my Mass Effect peeps though so once the longing starts to get overwhelming I'll go back and play with Sara and Scott again.

10. Which ship has lasted the longest?

Zevran x Warden (Feielle Tabris)

It's been 10 years in canon between DAO and DAI and they are still together.

11. How many times, if ever, has 6 broken up?

Fenris x Hawke (Aiden Hawke)

Bwhahaha! I'm dying that this question landed on them. Twice, once after the initial hook up at the manor, and again after Fenris found out about Aiden's fling with Anders. ("That was before you, Fenris! I didn't think you would want to be with me!") They are more steady now though there's still a few bumps.

12. If the world was suddenly thrust into a zombie apocalypse, which ship would make it out alive, 2 or 8?

Iorveth x Geralt vs. Reyes Vidal x Scott Ryder

Oh no, Iorveth and Geralt definitely. Reyes and Scott have a chance though, they've both crawled their way out of shit situations so I wouldn't count them out.

13. Did 7 ever have to hide their relationship for any reason?

Dorian x Inquisitor (Maxwell Trevelyan)

They never hid anything but they weren't very loud about it either. Max never cared who knew and after he started falling hard for Dorian he made sure everyone knew.

14. Is 4 still together?

Zevran x Warden (Feielle Tabris)

If I haven't made this clear above HELL YES!

15. Is 10 canon?

Vetra x Sara Ryder

To me and quite a few others it is. Not to everyone though.

16. If all 10 ships were put into a couple’s Hunger Games, which couple would win?

Iorveth x Geralt with Feielle (Warden), Jaxson (Shepard), and Fenris hanging out

This wouldn't be the Hunger Games, it would be the Heartbreak Games as most of these couples get to watch their loves die. Especially those that while they may be badasses their partners are not, and there's too many threats to protect from at once. Imaging Geralt facing off with Feielle and Shepard fighting Fenris would be epic to see. In the end I think Geralt's witcher swordmanship combined with Iorveth's skill in archery would win it for them. Sneaky squirrel would nail them while Geralt keeps their attention.

17. Has anybody ever tried to sabotage 5’s ship?

Fenris x Anders

Hawke? All the people that hate to see them together because it's "problematic"?

18. Which ship would you defend to the death and beyond?

Dorian x Inquisitor (Maxwell Trevelyan)

I just can't see them with anyone else? Max would die without him, he just wouldn't see the possibility of life without Dorian. I think most of the others would be able to move on if they needed to.

19. Do you spend hours a day going through 3’s tumblr page?

Roche x Geralt

TT I might if there was more content for it. Though I can understand why there isn't a big crowd for this ship. I mean, Roche is a difficult man to like to start with, not to mention the writing makes him read as mostly strait. Geralt also has a ton of choice when it comes to people to ship him with too.

20. If an evil witch descended from the sky and told you that you had to pick one of the ten ships to break up forever or else she’d break them all forever, which ship would you sink?

Roche x Geralt

Lol Geralt has all his sorcereress to go to and Iorveth can pick up Roche. Or there's always making OCs for Roche cuz someone will love you ya bastard!

[flaine1996]

Floating

Update on project timeline: okay i dont know why I am on a roll lmao but anyways jeres another story snippet to be placed in the timeline featuring my OTP: Shenko and my very first time writing smut lol sooo xD take that what you will criticism and advisement is highly encouraged thanks! Bit of background this is post ME1 and both kaidan and shepard are in vancouver

After his little cousins had been taken back to their parents to be put to sleep for their nap, Kaidan noted that Shepard had once again fallen back to her usual silence. He’d seen a side to her she would never show to anyone. Maybe not, even Anderson himself knew how great she was with kids. He couldn't help but smile as he remembered their afternoon activity. He could feel Shepard's grey eyes glared at him. After a few more minutes of silence, Kaidan was ready to say something when Shepard grabbed his hand and brought him to the nearest downstairs bathroom.

[[More]]

After she pushed him inside he turned towards her, "Why are we here She--Ezner? If you wanted to say some--" he felt a tingling electric sensation in his skin as he was pulled towards her and a soft pair of lips engulfed his own. As she leaned on the door for support.

He felt his pulse quicken and a blood rushing down under. He pulled away trying to form words as his mind started to shut down, "Ez--"

Shepard then cut him off as she closed the distance between them. She looked up to his face, eyes partly closed. Her ever so soft lips were just a few meters away. He wanted to kiss her. Hell he wanted to do more than that. But now wasn’t the time with his family just outside. He was glad for his self control as he gripped the side of the door frame too hard, felt his nails dig into the soft wood.

"Then the time for talking is over."

"But my family--" His voice trailed off as he felt her muscular well-shaped leg caressing his own. He could feel her breath on his skin.

"Then we have to be quiet now, don't we?" Shepard teased as she slowly lifted her flower patterned skirt a bit too high. The edge of her black laced underwear could be seen as well as her muscular and sculpted thighs.

Kaidan swallowed hard when his eyes flickered to where her hands were. She placed one hand on his chest and as her mouth slowly came over his. Then she stilled. He couldn't help but groan as she spoke in the most sultry voice he has ever heard, "Well… I suppose you don’t want to."

As a response Kaidan devoured his mouth on hers. Their teeth clashed but he didn’t even pay it any heed. He felt her moan. He felt her tongue insert its way inside. He felt something else sticking out but he needed to control himself. After all they didn't have the proper protection. But Shepard didn't seem to care. She grabbed his ass so hard and shoved him too close to the softest spot of hers. Kaidan felt his mind blank hard.

"Hell, I do love your ass," Shepard quietly whispered right in his ear as she took a breath of air after she had taken all of his. Then she squeezed his ass hard as she pulled him closer, the heat from her core was driving him mad. He couldn't help but groan.

Shepard chuckled, "What happened to being quiet?" She asked as she bit his ear which sent a spike of electrical thrill through his body. It was always like this with Shepard. Nothing was ever boring. Each minute was either intense or peaceful one. He'd never trade the experience for anything.

She then muffled his panting with her mouth as she began softly trying to drag his tongue inside her mouth. She’d bite down enough that he could feel marks being imprinted on his tomgue. He never before realized pain could be so intoxicating. “Only when given by the one you love. Wait. Had I said love?” He thought to himself as his body stilled.

Shepard realized his body had stopped moving, she dropped what she was doing. He cursed mentally. She looked at him, this time softer and without malice. "If you feel uncomfortable we can stop." He never realized before how soft her eyes can get when she looked at him and how her voice, as rough as steel could as well be soft as silk.

He couldn't help but chuckle. Her concern, heart warming. She'd stop to ensure he was alright. He on the pther hand felt a burning desire in his body, like any movement now might set his bones on fire. To answer that he started grinding his hips against hers. It was Shepard's turn to moan uncontrollably.

"Guess we both can't keep quiet." He smirked. Looked at her with what he hoped was bedroom eyes.

Shepard grinned as she pushed herself off him. Without saying a word, she slid off her black laced thong. Leaving Kaidan gawking and throat so dry. She strutted towards him. Grabbed his hand and sat on the bathroom counter. she guided his hands to lift her skirt as she wrapped her muscular legs above his thighs.

"Wait… Ezner we can't… We dont have.." He said but his eyes were glued to his hands which were lifting up her skirt inch by inch each time he spoke.

He heard her chuckle which warmed his whole body. He lifted his head to see her genuinely smiling as she said, "Who said you were going inside me?" Shepard gloated as she used her legs to drag his very hard and stiff self towards her very hot, wet, and sensitive folds. Grinding her core through his clothing. He could feel himself bursting through his pants. Kaidan groaned hard as he used his left hand to bite down on and tried to muffle his own voice. She whispered near his ear, "Feels good doesn't it. It's all yours."

Kaidan couldn't help but whimper. She placed her hands around the collar of his checkered sleeved polo shirt and pulled his face towards hers. He removed his hand from his mouth and held her skirt up as she kept rubbing fiercely in him. Ezner bit down on her lower lip trying to keep her moans in check. Kaidan eyes fixated on her lip as he grinded hard. He didn’t resist the urge to smother her mouth once more with his.

Kaidan was already at her mercy feeling her core and mouth on his. He was euphoric. No, he felt like he was transcending. His fingers on her skirt had dug through, imprinting himself on her skin. He would've worried about it, if she was in pain, but the moans that were vibrating through their mouths signaled to him she was enjoying it. As his other hand went straight for her stomach carressing the eight pack that formed there. “God I want to lick them again. Since she seemed it and makes her laugh.” He thought to himself as his body vibrated into a familiar crescendo.

Just as his body was reaching its climax, he felt an electrical sensation pulling him a few inches off the ground.

"What?" He asked, his voice raspy. His voice more harsh than he had intended.

Shepard let out a laugh. It sounded slightly cruel, "You're cute when you're angry, you know that?"

He looked at her confused about what had just happened.

Shepard stood and fixed her clothes especially her appearance so quickly that when he blinked she looked as if nothing happened at all. Except she wasn't wearing her underwear.

She looked at him cheekily, one eyebrow raised. He was still floating a few inches high, "I remember someone saying that's the only ride you'll be getting today. What a shame," Shepard said quite flippantly, "Hope you like floating."

"A parting gift," She remarked as she slingshotted her thong right to his head.

Before Kaidan could fully comprehend his situation. A thong hanging from his head, the heavy and painful throbbing in his pants to Shepard walking out. The last thing he said was, "This isn't over Ezner."

He heard her smugly laughing outside the door. He knew he would lose but no way in hell would he go down without a fight. She was always worth fighting for, no matter the fight.

[pigeontheoneandonly]

15, 23, 29, 33!

Thanks for the ask!  This is for the Fanfic Writer Questions. :)

15) If you write OC’s, how do you decide on their names?

The OCs that end up easiest for me to write have names that just pop into my head.  When that doesn't happen, I comb name lists and baby name sites, and if applicable do some research about naming conventions within the character's culture.  I used to curate lists of names, but that's become less necessary as resources on the internet have improved.

I got Nathaly's name from a woman I met in passing a long time ago, who was from Quebec and was named Nathalie.  She pronounced it exactly like it looks, though I found out later that it's more commonly pronounced "Natalie" (and referenced this in my fic Discovery, when Nathaly is having a hard time on a call with someone who keeps mispronouncing her name).  The name is the only characteristic my OC shares with this person, but it's what popped into my head as soon as I was finished making her in the char creator, and I still think it's perfect for her.

23) Do you prefer listening to music when you’re writing or do you need silence?

I love listening to music when I'm thinking about ideas, or working through what's going to happen in a scene, because it helps me figure out the emotions I want to convey.  But I can't concentrate on writing itself if music is playing.  Instead, I stream TV shows I know so well that they act as white noise for my brain.  Lately it's been Planet Earth documentaries.

29) Do you have a story that you feel doesn’t get as much love as you’d like?

I wrote a one-shot about Kaidan getting taken to Jump Zero called A Cold Day in October.  It's not shippy and honestly I wrote it years ago and have improved as a writer since, but it has a special place in my heart.  I also did an m!shepley prompt that got like eight notes lol but I still think I did pretty good for a ship I’d never written before.

33) What’s the biggest compliment you’ve gotten?

I love when people tell me they binged my 480k fic in a few days, or stayed up all night reading it, or otherwise couldn't put it down.  I love this compliment particularly because the fic is so long; it's an amazing feeling as a writer knowing I managed to hold a reader's attention that well.  

But in terms of singular compliments, one reader called Discovery "the best Kaidan/Renegade Shepard longfic in existence" and I'm probably going to keep glowing from that one for years.

Getting fanart is pretty spectacular too!

[ltleflrt]

LTLEFLRT’S WRITING YEAR IN REVIEW

As with every year I’ve done this review, I don’t feel like I’ve done much writing.  But I have written, and that’s something to be very proud of.  I finally started working on my cyberpunk idea that I’ve been kicking around for years, and as much as it’s fighting me, I’m still excited for what it’s becoming.

Total 2018 Word Count: 135,086 Total 2018 Kudos: 5,355 Total 2018 Hits: 45,231

And for comparison here’s last year:

Total 2017 Word Count: 152,215 Total 2017 Kudos: 9,408 Total 2017 Hits: 87,832

My fics:

In It For The Long Haul: 25,495 (5,690 from 2018)

Long haul trucking can be a lonely business. Sure, Dean can chat up other drivers on the CB, and when Sam’s not in class or drowning in homework he’ll let Dean talk his ear off on the phone. But it’s still hours and hours of staring at the road and scanning the radio dial for local stations because he’s too lazy to upgrade the truck to satellite radio. And then a flirty waiter in a 24 hour truck stop restaurant sits down with him to chat while he eats his dinner, and suddenly his life no longer feels quite so empty.

Photography doesn’t pay much, and insomnia is a bastard. Which is why Castiel accepts his cousin's offer of employment at the truck stop restaurant. The graveyard shift is perfect for his fucked up sleep schedule, and Gabriel doesn’t mind if he sneaks a free meal now and then. Besides, all the most interesting people come into the restaurant in the middle of the night. Including the gorgeous man with the sad green eyes that makes Castiel want to pull out all the stops to make him smile.

I actually started this fic in August of 2017, and got burned out.  But I came back and finished it this January.  It’s only half of what I wanted it to be, but I think it wrapped up nicely anyway, and I can always come back and write the other parts that I’d originally planned as a part 2.

I'd Rather Have You: 698

Dean catches a cold...

I honestly never thought I’d revisit the Cursed or Not universe, but due to a cute conversation on Tumblr, I finally had an idea for a timestamp.  It’s fluffy (or spiky), and I love it.

Beat the Heat: 3,057

Dean's in heat in the height of summer during a power outage. At least there's a sexy alpha willing to help him beat the heat.

I wrote this instead of working on Dreaming in Digital because I needed a break, but I also felt like writing porn. I also felt like writing an a/b/o fic where there's no stigma over fucking strangers for funsies, and there's no such thing as STDs.  Sometimes ya just gotta play a little, ya know?

For Better Or Worse: 11,638 (973 from 2018)

It’s been four years since Kaidan woke up from a failed suicide attempt and a little over two years since he married the scarred ex-soldier who helped him put his past behind him. He has an amazing marriage, new friends, and a job he enjoys. He’s got the perfect life, and nothing can bring him down now. Not unless he lets it. But an accident forces him to face a demon from his past that he had hoped to avoid forever.

Sequel to Feels Like Home

This isn’t actually a finished fic.  I started it in May 2015, right around the same time I started writing for the Destiel fandom.  I ended up abandoning it entirely, and always felt guilty.  So I went back and wrote a this-is-what-i-had-planned chapter, so I could mark it complete.  There’s a part of me that wants to go back to it, but I probably never will.

Descent: 31,287 (323 from 2018)

Anders is so ashamed of his loss of control that he can't bring himself to help with the mage underground. But can he help one young mageling escape her fate?

Part of the Peace Begins With A Smile universe, but can probably stand alone.

This is another unfinished fic that I started in May of 2012.  I abandoned it just a few chapters to the end because it was sad and difficult, and also I was starting to write Mass Effect fic which had a stronger hold on my attention.  Like For Better Or Worse, I decided to wrap it up with a last chapter explaining my plans.

Twice in a Lifetime: 3,479

Blood bonds are a once in a lifetime kind of thing, and Dean's already experienced--and lost--his. No alpha would ever want an omega that already smells mated to someone else... would they?

Another a/b/o fic that I decided to write to play with the trope in a new way, and also to take my mind off of Dreaming in Digital.

Blood in the Water: 5,047

Dean is the monster that goes bump in the night, and when it's time to dispose of his latest victim, he ignores the signs warning him to stay out of the forest because there's not much out there scarier than him. But that doesn't mean there's nothing...

I’ve always wanted to try my hand at dark fic, and I think I pulled it off nicely with this one.  I think it’s hilarious how many people told me “it’s not dark, it’s fluffy!” and I’m just like THERE IS SMUT AND FLESH EATING GOING ON AT THE SAME TIME YOU SICK MONSTERFUCKERS.  This fic is just proof that I’ve found a lovely circle of weirdos to be friends with, and I love you guys :)

Dreaming in Digital: 129,676 (WIP)

When Dean finds a deactivated sex bot, he knows it's his lucky day.

Such a simple summary for a fic that’s anything but simple.  I started it in February of this year, and it’s taking me a long time to write because it’s so much more than the smutfest that it sounds like it should be.  I’m about halfway through, and I doubt I’ll have it finished by February of 2019 because it’s such a beast.  I’m proud of what it’s becoming though.  Very proud.  And also entertained af every time I get a comment suggesting I change the summary because it sounds like it should be mostly smutty, but is in fact hardly smutty at all.  

Maybe I should change the summary to make it sound less porny so that it’ll lure in more readers, but I love those comments soooo much lol

So anyway!  That’s my writing this year, the stuff I’ve shared publicly anyway.  I’ve also got a bunch of stuff squirreled away in WIP folders.  I’ve got a dark fic where Angels are monsters that can change their victims, and Castiel has decided to change Dean against his will, and I’ve got a Fake Marriage/Mafia AU that’s actually got a couple chapters written.  I’ve also poked at a story involving Cas as a sentient wolf, and a Snowed In fic that I’ve been trying to finish by tonight, but that definitely won’t happen.  So I’ve got about 25k in WIPs that show I’ve been working even during my down times.  

Here’s hoping 2019 is just as productive, if not more!