#i think i'm going back more to my old self again but i'll do my best to not isolate or distance myself too much i don't want to destroy

[noxtivagus]

ffxv makes me so emotional oh my god 🥹🫶🏼

[gentlyweeps-world]

Bad Idea

summary: Lando texts you months after he broke up with you, so logically it was a bad idea to text back, too bad it’s “for the plot”

pairing: lando norris x fem! reader

warnings: pure smut, p in v, !!16+!!

radio check 🪩: So this isn’t like my normal works, but I felt adventurous! And I’d like to apologize I haven’t gotten to updating my series and second parts, I haven’t been too good mentally but I should get to work on them soon! (This fic is loosely based off of “bad idea” by Olivia Rodrigo if that wasn’t obvious)

LIGHTS OUT AND AWAY WE GO

Your friends had mentioned Lando still wasn’t back in a relationship even after breaking up with you months ago, they even told you he still wore the bracelet you got him.

To be honest you didn’t care, but that’s what you told your friends. In truth you did care, you still cared for him. But obviously you wouldn’t say or do anything to show that, after all he was the one to break up with you because “he couldn’t give you what he wanted”.

So that was about two years down the drain, at least that’s what you thought for a while, not until he decided to text you at 3am.

Your eyes widen at the “Hey” text he sent, wondering why he didn’t block your number, or better yet why you didn’t block his number, you quickly text your friends asking what you should do.

They all respond along the lines of, “he probably just wants to hit”, “don’t text back, that’s a bad idea”, “he’s just desperate”, and blah blah blah. Obviously you ignored them, cause hey, it’s for the plot right? And you had been out on a few dates after breaking up, but sadly it wasn’t the same, so either way you didn’t care if he truly just wanted to fuck.

“What?” You text back, not wanting to seem like you cared too much but didn’t care at all. “You up?” He replies almost instantly. You rolled your eyes at his response, it was pretty self explanatory.

“If I’m texting you back, then yes”

"Lol." was his reply.

You felt a little annoyed at his half-assed responses. If he wanted to talk so badly, why wouldn't he put in a bit more effort?

After a minute or so, he texted again.

"Whatcha doin'?"

“Laying in bed” You reply, knowing he’ll try to turn the conversation into one that’s dirty. "Oh yeah? What are you wearing?" came his reply. “Hm wouldn’t you like to know” You reply, “Take a guess” You add on.

"I bet you're not wearing anything." Lando texts back. In a way, you were kind of flattered that he still thought of you that way but it still pissed you off that he only texted you to get his dick wet. “And I bet you wish you could see me like that again, huh?” You reply, you knew it was risky, but you could at least have some fun with it.

"Who says I haven't still been looking at old pictures?" Lando texts back, his replies are getting sexual now. Your eyes widen in shock, has he still been thinking about you even after you guys broke up? “What pictures?” You text back.

"You can't really expect me to tell you what pictures, now can you?" Lando texts back, he seems a little bit amused by this whole situation now. "I'm sure you still have some pictures of me, too. Don't you?"

“Maybe” You text, “No comment” You add on, which is a dead giveaway that you do. "So, why don't you come over? You know you want to. There's still some things we should finish." Lando texts back, his words becoming a little bit more insistent. “You’re the one who broke up with me Lando” You text back.

"So what?" Lando responds, "I made a mistake. Why don't you come over and let me prove it?"

“I mean if you word it like that..” You text back with a smirk, getting out of bed and throwing on some lingerie that Lando likes with one of his old hoodies and short pajama shorts.

"Is that a yes, I hear? I'll be waiting." Lando texts, you can tell the way he is messaging now that he is getting excited. You leave your apartment and drive off to his, thinking to yourself the entire drive if this was a good idea or not.

You soon arrive at his apartment and knock on his door. Lando answers the door and immediately pulls you into his apartment, his eager eyes looking you up and down.

"Glad you could make it. I had a feeling you would come if I asked" Lando whispers in your ear. “You didn’t ask, you begged” You say with a smirk, knowing that’ll irk him.

Lando rolls his eyes at your smart-ass remark.

"You know you like it when I'm begging. It means I want you badly" he whispers in your ear. “Need I remind you, you’re the one who broke up with me..” You muse out. "Shut up. Let's just forget about all of that. I don't want to talk." Lando says, putting one hand by your cheek and bringing your mouth towards his, the tension between you two rising as you both lean in.

“Shame, love it when you talk dirty to me..” You mumble out, glancing from his eyes to his lips. "Yeah? I bet you thought of me while you got off" Lando whispers, his tone still low and seductive as his hand caresses your cheek, pulling you towards him, making your lips meet.

"I missed your lips. I missed the way you taste." he says after pulling away, as he finally seals the deal and makes you his again. “This- this is a bad idea…” You mumble out, not sure what exactly Lando wants out of this situation.

"I don't care." Lando says, as he puts one hand on your lower back.

"We are both adults. Why not have some fun again?" he says, leaning in to kiss you again. “What will it end in, Lando?” You ask, placing my hand on his chest to stop him from kissing you again.

He sighs and looks down at you.

"Look Y/n. I'm not gonna lie to your face. I might not have been the best boyfriend to you, and I do want what's best for you- but god damn it the thought of losing you completely breaks me. I love you." Lando admits, with honesty in his eyes.

"I can't guarantee that tomorrow I'll be the same guy you saw tonight but- right now? I just want to be with you. Again. Even if it's just for a brief moment. Please?" he asks. Fuck it You think to yourself, it’s either we could end up never talking again after this night or- or maybe we could fix things.

Without replying to him, you grab the sides of his face and smash your lips against his. Lando was taken back by your sudden and bold move but quickly adjusted to it, kissing back passionately as his other hand wrapped around your waist and pulled you closer.

"Damn it.. It's like I'm reliving our first moments again." he whispered to you, his tone still low and seductive. “Fuck..don’t- don’t say that” You whisper out, hands roaming around his body as you kiss along his neck, the memories of your guys first time playing through your head.

"Why not? It's the truth. This feels just like it did the first time" He whispers out, grabbing your hair and pulling your head up, he pushes you up against the wall of his living room and kisses you passionately, his hand roaming down your body before finally resting on your hips, holding you tight against him.

"God I've missed you..." he whispers, his lips traveling to your neck and giving it kisses. “Missed feeling you wrapped around me…” He adds on, biting and licking at your neck.

“Lando…” You whisper out, feeling his mouth against the skin of your neck. He bites at your neck harder, looking into your eyes as he gives you a soft smirk.

"Did you miss this?" he asks, continuing at your neck. “Yeah..missed this so much..” You mumble out, letting yourself fully let go. "Tell me you missed me, Y/n" he whispers in your ear, looking deeply into your eyes as his tongue slides down the side of your neck.

“I missed you…I missed feeling you..” You whimper out, feeling your knees give out at the way he’s looking at you. Lando smiles at your words as he continues working at your neck with his lips and tongue.

"You're so cute when you're like this. Why don't you tell me what you want me to do, hmm? Can you get your words out now?" He asks seductively, as one of his hands leaves your body and travels up your leg.

“Lando…Lando please I need you..” You whimper out, grasping at his curls with your hand. As if by instinct, he immediately picks you up and carries you to his room. He knew this is what he wanted after that break-up, you needed him just as badly as he needed you.

"Oh, so you do know how to speak when you really want something huh?" He smirked. “Oh shut up…” You mumble out rolling your eyes as he carries you into his room.

Your words don't deter him as his smug grin grows, he drops you on the bed. You glance around his room and notice that nothing has changed since you two broke up, he even still has some of your stuff.

He starts to tug off his shirt and pants, leaving him in boxers. You pull off his hoodie you have on and the shorts. His eyes linger upon you, his smirk turning into a lust-filled look. "I want you so bad, baby..." he whispers, as he gets on top of you and kisses you, his hand gripping your hips.

“I want you too…” You whisper against his lips, tangling your fingers in his curls as you wrap your legs around his waist. Lando chuckles at your words, pushing his tongue into your mouth as he lifts his hand up to your hair, caressing it.

He slowly pulls away from the kiss, leaning down your neck and nibbling at it.

"I wanna make you scream my name all night." he whispers in your ear, his breath hot on your skin. “Then do that” You whisper back, looking up at him.

Lando groans at your words and bites down more heavily along your neck, causing you to moan and bite your lip, his hand now making its way down to your clothed center, slipping his fingers past your panties he glides his finger through your wetness. You let out another moan, “Lando…Lando please..” You whisper out against his neck. He gives you a soft moan in response, “That’s right baby, call out my name like that.”

“Lando…oh god Lando please.” You whimper out, as he slowly thrusts a finger into you, curling it as he fingers you. Lando lets out a groan from your begging, his fingers thrusting deeper into you as he feels you getting wetter. "That's it baby, let me hear you." He says between breaths. “Let me hear you moan..” He adds on.

“Oh fuck Lan..” You moan out, spreading your legs wider for him as he continues his assault with his fingers. Lando moans at the sound of his name on your lips, feeling you grow wetter and more ready for him. He picks up the pace, his thumb rubbing against your clit in rhythm with his fingers. "That's it, baby, bet you missed my fingers, huh?"

“Yes…missed your fingers so much..” You mumble out, too focused on his movements to really produce a clear sentence. Lando groans and picks up the pace even more, feeling you get closer to your climax. His thumb increases its pressure against your clit, matching the rhythm of his fingers plunging deeper into you. "You're so fucking tight, baby," He whispers out, “All those other guys you went out with didn’t treat you right huh?”

You let out a gasp and whimper, clutching at his shoulder as you feel yourself grow close. “Fuck! H-how do you know- I- shit..” You moan out, eyes fluttering shut as he applies more pressure to your clit, slowly rolling it. Lando smirks against your neck, his fingers still thrusting into you. "Oh, I have my sources. Now, come for me, baby. Show me what I've been missing."

“Oh…Lando! Oh my god!” You moan out, eyes rolling back and thighs shaking as you come around his fingers. “That’s it Y/n…good girl..” He whispers out, slowing his fingers as he lets you ride out your orgasm.

Slowly pulling his fingers out he brings them up to his lips and sucks them clean, letting out an appreciative hum at the taste. “Still as good as I remember..” He mumbles out, eyes glossed over in a lustful daze as he looks down at you, hair disheveled, cheeks flushed with sweat starting to form on your forehead. “You already looked so fucked out baby…” He coos out with a smirk.

“Please just fuck me Lando..” You huff out, arching your back up to unhook your bra and take it off. Lando grins at the sight of you nearly begging him to take you. "You really want it that bad, huh?" He asks teasingly, fully slipping your panties off before taking his boxers off.

“Just do it before I change my mind..” You say rolling your eyes. You subconsciously lick your lips at the sight of his cock, precum leaking down the side. With a grin Lando picks up some of your wetness on his fingers, and wraps his hand around his cock, stroking himself a few times. You simply just watch him with your lips parted, admiring him.

“You enjoying the view?” He says with a smirk, eyes meeting yours. Without saying a word you nod your head, silently watching him move forward and drag his tip through your folds. “Oh fuck yeah, you're so fucking wet baby. Gonna love feeling you squeeze my cock." He growls out, pressing his hips forward and gently pushing his tip inside you.

“Fuck- wait Lan-Lando we need a condom..” You mumble out before he fully thrusts into you. “Fuck..” He mutters under his breath, pulling away, he reaches over to his bedside table and quickly grabs a condom, with a smirk he hands you the condom.

“Want to have the honor?”

Smirking you grab the condom from his hands, you rip it open and roll it onto his cock, making sure to tease him a bit as you do so. “Mmm good baby..” He mutters out watching your hand wrap around his cock and stroke him.

“Now let me fuck you,” He mumbles out, pushing your hand away as he moves closer to you and thrusts into you. You both let out a moan at the feeling. “Oh fuck yes baby, you feel so good." He groans out, his eyes darkening as he starts to thrust harder into you. His hips collide with yours, the slapping sound of skin on skin contact filling the room.

“Fuck Lando…feels so good..” You moan out, wrapping your arms around his neck you pull him down close to you, your chest pressed against his as he thrusts into you.

Lando groans out as you move closer to him, burying his face in your neck as he licks and nips at your skin. He thrusts his hips harder into you, feeling the warmth of your body surrounding him. “Fuck- don’t- don’t hide your moans Lan..” You gasp out, tangling your fingers into his curls.

Lando moans out softly against your skin, his hips grinding against yours. "Fuck, I can't help it," He pants, his cock throbbing inside of you. “You feel so good Y/n, fuck..” He groans out.

“So good..so-so good Lan..” You gasp out, clutching and tugging at his curls. He growls out, his hips thrusting harder into you. His breathing is ragged as he feels himself getting closer to his release. "Fuck, you're so tight," He mutters out, kissing your neck passionately. “So fucking wet, you’re taking me so well baby..” He groans out, thrusting into you faster.

His words turn your brain into mush, growing completely lost in his touch. Moans and gasps flow from your mouth. “Y/n..." He groans out, feeling the walls of your pussy squeeze around him. "Fuck, you're driving me crazy baby," He whispers, his hips thrusting into you faster.

“Lando! Fuck- m’gonna come!” You moan out, eyes rolling back. Your back arches up as your peak washes over you, for a moment all you can see is whiteness.

“Mmm baby," He moans out, feeling you tighten around him. His hips buck against you as he feels himself getting closer to his release. "Fuck, Y/n, I'm close. Fuck." He growls out.

“Come for me Lando, please baby” You whimper out, tugging at his curls. "Fuck!" He moans out, body tensing as he thrusts into you, filling up the condom. He slows down his movements, eventually pulling out of you and laying down beside you.

After a few moments of you two catching your breath, Lando slowly gets up and pulls on his boxers, “Where are you going?” You ask, leaning up on your elbows as you watch him walk towards his bedroom door.

“I’m going to get you some water then I’m getting a bath ready for you” He replies with a smile, walking out of his bedroom. “Oh..okay” You mumble out with a grin.

Maybe it wasn’t a bad idea after all.

••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••••

radio 🪩: Hope this was enjoyable 💙

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[personasintro]

Mutual Help | #51

↳ 𝐬𝐲𝐧𝐨𝐩𝐬𝐢𝐬; in order for you to pretend to be his girlfriend, he helps you with your sexual desires ⏤ he calls it mutual help

⇢ 𝐩𝐚𝐢𝐫𝐢𝐧𝐠: jungkook x reader

⇢ 𝐠𝐞𝐧𝐫𝐞: fake dating au, fluff, angst, smut, slow burn

⇢ 𝐰𝐚𝐫𝐧𝐢𝐧𝐠𝐬: explicit language

⇢ 𝐰𝐨𝐫𝐝 𝐜𝐨𝐮𝐧𝐭: 10.6k+

⇠ 𝐩𝐫𝐞𝐯. | 𝐢𝐧𝐝𝐞𝐱 | 𝐧𝐞𝐱𝐭 ⇢ 

Never in a million years would you think you and Jungkook will go to work together. To the same workplace as if you were colleagues. In some way, you kind of are colleagues at the moment, even though you won't be exactly working together.

It definitely has some perks.

For example – you don't have to drive since Jungkook suggested you should go together in one car which makes sense and it is something you were planning to offer anyway. Jungkook's car is more comfortable of course, how can it not be for the money he spent on it, right?

You enjoy the freedom of not having to drive through busy Seoul to get to work. However, you still offer to drive once you see Jungkook yawning as soon as he sits down on the driver seat.

He even has the audacity to snort at your offer. "You driving my car? Nah, I'll pass."

You do feel offended, though you would never purposely try to drive his expensive ass car – too scared to get into an accident or scratch the perfect shiny exterior.

"Asshole," you grumble, "Didn't you offer your car when I got into the accident?" you point out, noticing Jungkook's grin which slightly falters at the mention of your accident. You know he's just teasing you, despite his morning tired state.

"It was a matter of life and death," he remarks, causing you to flick him off. "Sorry, angel. Hate to break it to you but you're not that good of a driver."

Angel... that's new. Even if it's his way of teasing you again, you can't help but feel the little fluttering in the pit of your stomach. It doesn't help that Jungkook has cleaned and dressed up nicely. His outfit is quite simple but knocked the breath out of you as soon as he stepped out of the bathroom, fully ready despite his tired puffy eyes. White button-up with black casual slacks – a total threat to your sanity.

"I am a good driver!" you argue.

Okay, maybe you're not a complete Michael Knight when it comes to driving but you're pretty decent. It took you a while to improve but experience helped a lot.

"You can't compare me to you!"

"I know, I know. I'm just teasing you." Jungkook adds teasingly, met with your annoyed huff as your back meets the car seat frustratedly.

For the rest of the drive, Jungkook takes it as his mission to make you laugh and he blasts old Justin Bieber songs, dramatically singing as you try to keep your laugh at bay.

"You're who I'm thinking of, girl you ain't my runner-up,"

He quickly shoots you a playful wink as you roll your eyes, nudging gently his shoulder as he keeps his eyes on the road.

"Just shut up and drive."

"Oh, that's a good song!"

"Oh god..." you mutter, staring from the window as your facade finally cracks.

Though as Jungkook glances at you, he sees your grin in the reflection and he knows his job is done.

Junho snatches Jungkook from you as soon as the elevator door opens, his nervous figure pacing around the place. His usual self nervous and on the edge now seems to be under control and you think it has something to do with Jungkook. Only because once he spots you and Jungkook, his eyes widening slightly before a welcoming smile stretches on his thin lips as he gives your friend a warm welcome. Not just you, but half of the staff witnessing this moment just gape at him.

Junho likes to kiss ass to everyone who works above him, especially any partners but you would never expect him to be so warm towards a photographer. It only proves he really loves Jungkook's work and is more than happy to have him on this project. So much, that he trusted Jungkook's offer of involving someone whose work he hasn't seen at all. Which reminds you Ester should be here soon, so she and Jungkook can get to work.

You assume once Junho is done kissing Jungkook's ass, he is leading him to the studio where they should go over the work once again before the models are prepared to have photoshoots.

There are many people, strangers who work for other companies, most of them make-up artists, agents. You've been here for three minutes and it's already looking hectic.

"Well, fuck me."

Turning sideways, you spot Yoongi glancing at retrieving figures of your boss and your best friend, similarly looking taken aback.

"Yeah, I know." you mutter, seeing him holding a stack of papers, wearing a gray suit.

"Asshole, we work for him for years and do most of the job and he never treats us like that."

You snort, not surprised by Yoongi's annoyance and irritation showing because in a way, you understand him. Junho can be very hard on all of you and he doesn't exactly treat you friendly, but he's not a bad boss. You're sure there are far worse bosses out there than just a simple man who's too greedy and ambitious for his own good.

"Shh, somebody is going to hear you." you scold him, mouth opening as soon as he thrusts the papers into your arms causing you to almost drop them. You glare at him but he's not even looking at you, sighing as Junho's figure disappears before he glances back at you.

"Like I give a fuck. Junho needs me, he's not gonna do a shit."

"You're too confident. Junho might need all of us," Yoongi rolls his eyes, "But he's got a temper."

"It would be his loss."

He's right about that but you don't tell him that.

"Why did you give me these papers?"

"Wake up, sunshine. You're at your work right now, chop chop."

And he simply walks away with no looking back which leaves your mouth hanging open, and you choke on the fit of curses that want to leave your mouth but you already hear your name being called, one of your colleagues rushing to you as they need your help.

Great. You haven't even got the chance to put your bag away. Fucking Min Yoongi and fucking Mondays.

Ester arrives a few minutes after Jungkook. He had to laugh at her petrified face when he politely excused himself to Junho, so he can help her get into the building since she doesn't know her way. It's enough she has to be nervous which only confirms once Junho so eagerly excuses him, leaving a few coworkers that are around completely speechless.

"Am I late? You said eight, right?" she asks him as soon as Jungkook holds the door for her to come in, chuckling at her anxious state.

"No, you're good and I did. I came a little early," he assures her and sees the sigh of relief she lets out, "Besides everything is just getting ready, well the final preparations but Junho, the boss I was talking you about," he says, momentarily stopping to make a space for people leaving the elevator before they both make their way in.

He pushes the button, turning to her as he gives her a comforting smile which she tries to return.

"He is gonna go over the things again with us and then we should get to work. We have a long day ahead of us."

She nods, not giving any sort of other reaction – her nerves getting the best of her.

Meanwhile you spot Ester and Jungkook coming in, getting to work right after – you're already swallowed by your own responsibilities and not having time for anything else.

Despite the day's business, it feels as if it's dragging painfully slowly. You don't get to see Jungkook in action, somehow he's always just a blur in the background and you're not phased even in the slightest when you catch a glimpse of him, doing a great work with models. He's a true leader, involved just as much as he can be as he naturally communicates with the models and Ester on the side, who seems to be in her natural habitat.

You don't know any other photographer besides your best friend but seeing how two of them work well together, both of them understanding each other right away makes you think they have a lot in common when it comes to photography. They joke a little, Jungkook helps her with her camera once it seems as if there's a little problem in the setting as he sorts it out for her – all of this you experience in a span of five minutes watching from the distance, some of your coworkers beside you as you wait for the shoot to end. Well, a part of the shoot anyway.

"He's doing a great job, isn't he?"

You almost flinch at the sudden presence of another body next to you, looking at Benjamin who hands you a cup of coffee. You see Lauren holding one of those as well, shooting him a last appreciative smile before she focuses on the tablet in her hands.

"Thank you,"

You thank him, not having the heart to decline his attentive gesture. You don't like to get through the day drinking coffee, it bites you back in the night as it follows with the hassle of not being able to fall asleep. But it's soon lunchtime and you haven't had the time to just sit down, even if it's for five minutes so you gladly take the cup from the coffee machine and take a cautious sip.

"You're like the fifth person who told that in a span of ten minutes." you chuckle causing him to do the same as he lightly shrugs.

"It's true, I had to be there for a few minutes and seriously, he's amazing. You must be proud of him."

There's nothing but sweetness and tenderness in his raspy voice and soft expression and you have to look away to try and shoo away the approaching guilt, still feeling like an idiot for lying to him. To be fair, he hasn't tried anything since then but still remained sweet and friendly. Jungkook is not your real boyfriend but he doesn't know that and ever since he heard the revelation, it's obvious he backed away. You're glad he's still the sweet guy you met – unfortunately, it makes it even worse for your guilt and the little white lie.

"I am," you respond, cutting your thoughts off before you can feel like a total loser.

No lies need to be told, not when it comes to Jungkook's talent and you being proud of him. You remember the beginning of his photography career. He has always been doing good, but it took a lot of courage to get a freelancer career right after college, praying he will have enough clients to pay his bills. In the end, it wasn't the smoothest start but he's nifty and ambitious which helped a lot in this journey.

Despite his parents voicing out their concern for his son, not that they didn't believe in him but their concerns weren't helping him to smooth his own concerns of the future, he has managed to pull it off.

"Photography is his passion." you add softly, not really sure why you just shared that because you're not sure if Benjamin even cares but he responds with one of his charming smiles.

You continue to watch the scene happening in the distance, noticing the tall model you remember from the company's party standing now alone, exposing her skin and legs to everyone's eyes. She's not phased about it, how can she? This is her job and she's used to it, having done a good amount of photoshoots in her lifetime. You know you couldn't just stand there in a bikini, revealing the curve of your ass and most of your ass-cheeks exposed to dozens of men. Nobody in your company is disrespectful and just as she's used to the eyes, you all are used to seeing models. It doesn't matter what gender.

Her blond hair is curled into big beachy waves, breasts pushed up in the bikini bra as she professionally poses for Jungkook's camera. He chats with her throughout it, both of them trying to figure out the new positions and concepts together as they share a laugh together before returning back to work.

There are other models watching them, both female and male as the women seem equally attracted to Jungkook, despite there being male models right next to them.

All the men models are handsome, looking almost unreal even from the distance where you are standing. All of them are captivating and interesting looking in their own way, which makes them special and you know your company has done a good job at picking them up. You're not sure you've seen so many abs in your life like you're experiencing right now – even though most of them have thin robes draped over their shoulders.

Despite it all, you stare back at Jungkook and it's like no one competes with him. It's not even about him having an equally amazing body than the male models here. It's just him and for a split second you panic. You know you're attracted to him, that much is clear because you wouldn't be able to let your new deal keep going on for this long. But you're scared. So you hide your distress behind the plastic cup as you take a few sips of the coffee, letting more caffeine into your body.

"Don't do that."

Turning to Benjamin, you're met with his soft gaze once again and for a moment you think you see an amused grin spreading on his plump lips.

"Do what?"

"Well, at least I hope you're not comparing yourself to them." he says, pointing his head towards the models direction as you glance at them, met with the perfect skinny bodies and shiny skin while his eyes stay on your face, watching you attentively.

"I--no, I'm not." you assure him, but it comes out unsurely and way less honest than you intended.

Working here, you think almost every woman gets through the whole insecurity process at least once. Especially if you're met with gorgeous women on a daily basis but it comes out of inner insecurities in the first place. Eventually, if you're in a happy place with yourself, embracing your own beauty, it's not something you beat yourself over or getting on a radical diet, so you can even come close to them.

You're not envious and jealous, not at all. There are times when a woman can get insecure, or compare herself with literal models and by "a woman" you include yourself too. You think it's only natural in an environment like this but you're happy with yourself and you hope every single coworker of yours is too.

"Good, because you're pretty," he says, a serious tone laced with softness as you stare at him with wide eyes, not expecting the compliment but honesty too. "Ah, sorry have I crossed a line? I didn't mean it--I wasn't meant to be disrespectful towards your boyfriend. I just saw you looking at them and I thought--Ahhh, I'm sorry." he rambles as you watch him with your mouth agape before you let out a chuckle and shake your head.

"You aren't disrespectful," you assure him, still seeing the panic in his light eyes. "Thanks for the compliment."

He lets out a breathy laugh, "I hope I didn't come off as if I'm coming onto you or something. I know you're in a relationship,"

Your features turn guilt for a second and you know he catches the change, though he most likely mistakes it for sadness rather than guilt.

"I'm not like that!" he quickly adds and you laugh, shaking your head.

"Benjamin, please breathe," you continue to laugh silently, "I know. You're very sweet, thank you."

"Good, I don't want to be on bad terms with your boyfriend. He seems like he can throw a punch or two." he jokes, but there's a little fear and seriousness in his voice which makes you giggle.

"He can," you muse but quickly add, "But don't worry about him. He wouldn't punch you for calling me pretty, not that he has to know."

You give him an assurance that you won't snitch on him to "your boyfriend", even though it's not a big deal at all. Even if you had a boyfriend and someone else called you pretty, it doesn't mean they're coming onto you. And you appreciate Benjamin's concern, knowing he really didn't mean to come off as pushy or invading in any way.

"Good, good..." Benjamin sighs in relief, giving you a grin. "Who's the other photographer? Is she from our company?" He changes the topic.

"No, actually. She is Jungkook's friend."

Benjamin opens his mouth, an audible "Oh" leaving his mouth before another voice reaches your ears.

"Admiring your boyfriend, I see?"

And just like that, your own grin drops and you turn around finding Yoongi making his way to you. Can he be any more suspicious? He looks amused as fuck, finding his little joke (which is unknown to Benjamin) a little bit too funny and your expression of annoyance even more.

"No. I'm doing my job which can't be said about you." you remark back, watching his grin stretch even more which annoys you to the core while Benjamin stares confusingly at you and him, sensing the tension.

It's not like he is new to it but he's probably confused why you still bicker at almost every chance.

"Oh, admiring your boyfriend is your job?" he teases, or more like annoys the shit out of you as you bite your tongue. "Besides, I've been doing my and your job."

"What do you mean?"

"They're looking for you in the office. You're supposed to sort out finances with the team."

"No, I am not. I'm supposed to be here for a while until--"

"Doesn't matter," You're rudely cut off by him as he waves you off. "Get your ass there. You're lucky Junho isn't there and is busy admiring your boyfriend."

"Careful, you sound jealous, Min." you sing out, gulping down the rest of the cold coffee now before you bin it.

Brushing past Yoongi, you pat his shoulder just for the right measure to piss him off and seeing him narrowing his eyes at you annoyingly, you know you've succeeded. Throwing a wave to Benjamin, you leave the two of them there as you're on your way to find the fuck out what you have to do with finances.

The next time you see Jungkook is after lunchtime, he's joined with Junho and a few other people including Natalie, the main star of today's project and Ester. You heard Junho invited some of them to lunch outside, which threw you off a little considering he's been a nervous wreck about this project and you pictured him showing his usual temper. But at the same time, it makes sense he's suddenly a different man, trying to impress everyone he invited to lunch.

He never did that with any of his employees – not that most of you would go anyway, maybe strictly out of politeness and a fear of possibly pissing him off.

You've around five minutes to get back to work, meeting Jungkook's gaze across the room as he makes his way over to you, leaving the partners and agents alone as everyone is going their own way.

There has been barely any time to chat with him, or just make sure everything's good even though you know Jungkook can take care of himself and everyone is swooning over him. So once you're met with a gentle smile of his, you reciprocate it.

"Hey, where were you? I thought you'd join us for lunch." he says, stopping right in front of you.

"I couldn't, besides Junho didn't invite us and we still had some work to do." you explain.

By work you don't mean anything too important, just to make sure everything's ready on the next set so you can go home on time.

Jungkook's eyes narrow for a moment, an unpleasant look making its way on his face as he licks his lips. "Have you eaten?"

"Uhh, yeah. There is a buffet prepared for all of you but Benjamin actually ordered us a delivery."

You'd be completely fine eating toast or something light for lunch, as long as you get to eat something and won't stay hungry. Luckily Benjamin was kind enough to take it upon himself to prepare food for all of you, the people that were left behind in the company. Though, to be completely fair you were free to go eat out too, it's not like you have forbidden to do so, but all of you know it wouldn't be convenient today.

"You could've just told me." Jungkook says, sound tilting close to the actual scolding which makes you let out a breathy chuckle.

"Told you what?"

"Well, I could've taken you for lunch. I thought you guys would join us, I didn't know.... If I knew you weren't invited I'd just eat with you."

You smile at his concern, shaking your head lightly while Jungkook frowns even more. "It's fine," you laugh a little, "You can't exactly decline their invitation. It's only polite for you to go. It's no big deal."

"No, it's not... If I just knew..." he mumbles, "I'd decline them anyway."

Now that makes you laugh and Jungkook's lips twitch as he tries to hide a grin.

"What? I don't care if I'm invited or not, or what's polite or not."

"You're lucky Junho seems to like you a lot."

Jungkook shrugs, a cocky expression taking over his handsome face. "What can I say..."

"Don't say anything," you joke, "How's Ester doing?"

"She's actually very good. I knew she'd do a good job." he answers.

Nothing else can be said because Junho ushers everyone to get back to work. Jungkook sighs and gives you one last dreadful look which makes you giggle as he walks away.

The rest of the week goes exactly the same. You and Jungkook go to work together but you separate as soon as you enter the building, this time around Jungkook makes sure to take you out for lunch and Ester joins you, since she doesn't know many people and you wouldn't want her to be left alone when Jungkook is the only person who she knows the most. She actually comes out of her shell and gushes over this opportunity, thanking your friend a few times.

She's sweet, kind and friendly. In a way she reminds you of someone, she's very much similar to her – personality wise and you wonder if Jungkook sees it the same way.

After lunch, you both go doing your job and don't interact with each other (besides the soft smiles whenever your eyes meet) until it's time to go home. You catch up on the way to Jungkook's apartment, get ready to go to bed before you repeat the same process every day.

It's Friday now and you successfully finished this week with a great outcome that's seen for now. After working ten hours of being constantly on your feet and handling stuff, you miss the softness of your bed and Jungkook's huge expensive shower and you have to control yourself not to look grumpy in this nice bar Junho invited some of you to. Just the close circle of his employees and agents from the other company, to apparently celebrate this week.

You weren't as lucky as Yoongi who slipped away through the doors before another word could be uttered. The idiot is probably at home by now, or doing whatever you want while you're stuck in this bar, listening to Junho bragging about useless things.

Most people that were invited you don't know personally, nor you've a close relationship with or any at this point. Excluding Jungkook who couldn't say no because your boss insisted. Even Natalie has been invited, which doesn't surprise you as she charms everyone with her own charms around the table.

She's taking most of Jungkook's attention, the man having a casual conversation with her while you sit next to him like a grumpy cat, swirling your drink. Non-alcoholic drink to be precise and you already regret your decision not to drink tonight.

It's boring and not even when Jungkook tries to keep you entertained whenever he can, it doesn't help much.

You spend the time going through the entire week, lucky there was no drama happening regarding Yoongi or Benjamin. The last time Yoongi and Jungkook interacted with each other, your friend was ready to punch your coworker. Luckily, they never bumped into each other. And Benjamin? He has never questioned you about your relationship with Jungkook, probably thinking you're keeping it professional in the work which you would do either way – with or without a boyfriend. It ultimately made it easier with Ester as well, since she knows you and Jungkook are friends and you're glad it hasn't reached her eyes that you're "dating" Jungkook all of a sudden.

"You wanna go home?" Jungkook asks once he leans in your direction, close to almost brushing his lips against your ear as his scent fills your nostrils.

You've been here for only an hour but if anyone even talks to you, it's just boring conversation that leads nowhere. Damn, you really feel antisocial right now.

"Not if you don't want to," you tell him, knowing you both came here by his car. "I can just take a cab." You change your mind as Jungkook gives you a look.

"Don't be ridiculous," he scoffs gently, "I'll finish the drink and we can go. It's boring anyway." he says the last sentence with a whisper, so nobody else can hear him which makes you bite back a laugh.

Is he lying? He looked like he's having a good time. He talked the most amongst the group which can't be said about you.

"Junho has offered me a job in the company."

Your brows lift up in surprise, Jungkook driving you both home as he lowers the volume of the music that's been pleasantly playing in the background.

"Oh."

"Yeah..."

You had a photographer that used to be employed in the company, but Junho decided to fire him because he "wasn't good enough". Of course you're no professional but you think he had the job done, so him getting fired surprised everyone at that time. That's why your boss stuck to finding a different photographer for each project, instead of employing someone.

"What did you tell him?" you ask.

"That I'd think about it."

"And will you?"

"I don't know," Jungkook chuckles, "It'd be less work for me. It's simpler than being a freelancer and having to sort everything out by myself. But I don't think it'd be a good idea regardless."

"Why not?" you frown.

As much as you complain sometimes about your job, you do like it and you'd be bummed out if you were fired for some reason.

"First of all, I like the fact I'm my own boss. I choose what I want to work on. Besides, I don't think it'd be a good idea if we worked together," he explains, briefly glancing at you to notice your curious gaze but before you can open your mouth, he jumps to explain further. "Friends working together is never a good idea."

"Well, technically we wouldn't work together. I don't really interact with photographers a lot, somebody else does."

"Well yeah, but I wouldn't want to come into your own workplace. That's your place."

"I'm pretty sure it doesn't work like that," you chuckle, "But I understand what you mean."

You find it sweet that he puts you first, even though you don't see a problem with him working at your company. If that's what he wants.

"Me and Jimin worked together."

"Yeah but you met there. You weren't already best friends. That's different. And you only did an internship there."

"Hm, I guess you're right." you hum.

"Anyway, I don't think I'm gonna take it. I didn't want to tell him straight away to look impolite or inappreciative."

"Just so you know, I wouldn't mind whatever you decide on." you assure him and the corner of his lips lifts up.

A minute of silence follows until Jungkook stops at the red light, drumming his tattooed fingers against the steering wheel.

"I'm gonna meet up with Hoseok."

Jungkook manages to shock you a second time within the past ten minutes but this time, your head snaps to his direction as he glances at you, a serious expression on his face.

You know he mentioned talking to him recently, but to be honest you completely forgot about that conversation and you'd never thought of bringing it up to him. That's completely his decision if he wants to talk to Hoseok. You know Jungkook deals with a lot of stuff that's eating him alive, no matter how better he seems to be and assures you he is fine. The betrayal he still feels from Hoseok's action is very fresh but there's at least the slightest amount of understanding, at least you hope so judging from your last conversation you had with him about this topic.

"That's great, Kook," you say, not really sure what to say – due to your shock and wondering what's the right thing to say. You don't want him to doubt his decision and you're glad he is at least moving on. "Did you wait the entire evening to drop all this information on me?" you joke and actually make him laugh as he drives off once the light turns green.

"Wanted to have you all to myself before I do," he jokes and you ignore the set of butterflies his words cause you. "I was thinking about it a lot... I can't promise how our conversation will turn out because I'm still hurt, and I don't think it's gonna go away any time soon... but, I'm willing to talk to him. So I texted him today before I could chicken out because I know I would."

"It's not gonna be easy to hear him out, you're still hurt. But just try to see his perspective a little," you advise him carefully while he stays silent, "However your conversation goes, remember you tried your best."

"Yeah." he exhales a sigh, nibbling on his bottom lip as he brushes his thumb across it.

He knows he has to talk to Hoseok either way before it's too late. He needs to deal with this while it's fresh.

The place they agreed to meet is Hoseok's apartment. At first, Jungkook was thinking about meeting him in a public place because the last time Hoseok was in his apartment, it didn't end well. So many things were left shattered that day. He is more calm now but regardless of that, a public place is not suitable for such a conversation they're about to have.

When Hoseok offered to meet at his place, he agreed. The conversation simple and blunt, straight to the point and it's ridiculous how awkward and tense it seemed even through the stupid texts.

For fuck sake, he even woke up early to have a morning jog just to come back and find you already preparing for your day with Maya. He has barely eaten, too distracted to properly function and with each mile he gets to the final destination, he feels his stomach in knots.

However, he walks to his door with utter confidence knowing he has an upper hand in this. And meeting Hoseok's brown soft eyes full of sadness and regret makes him actually soften. But then he is reminded of what he has done to him and if it weren't enough, the pictures that fill his apartment – pictures of his friends and among them Kiko – he is reminded he is in this position because of her.

Not only she ruined their relationship and possible future, she has also managed to ruin his friendship with Hoseok. A friend he has had for years.

But is he selfish to put all the blame onto her? Clearly, it wasn't his fault what happened. It does feel bitter to know she got involved with more people and he wants to be so mad at her. A part of him still is. But then he looks at her wide smile he fell in love with and tries to think what pain she went through alone. Even though she has done it voluntarily, it still doesn't feel better to know she was in pain. Still is.

"Do you want something to drink? Water, juice or I can make you a drink?" Hoseok asks once the awkward greeting is over, motioning Jungkook to sit down on his couch as he listens and peels away his eyes from the memories in a form of framed pictures.

"Water is fine."

He drove here and even though he could easily drink and call a cab, it's better to stay away from alcohol. Not that he is scared to flip out or something because Jungkook isn't the type to turn aggressive if drinking, but it tends to strengthen emotions. He needs to have a clear mind for this.

"Sure, let me get that for you and then we can talk." he offers him a crooked smile and Jungkook knows it's just a mask to hide his own nervosity.

Hoseok has always been collected, the fun one in the group alongside Taehyung but he could still be stern and serious – definitely more than Taehyung. But he has never seen him like this but it only makes sense. Hoseok has never ruined a friendship with anyone. He is friends with anyone. Well, if he doesn't count the awkward interactions you had with him.

He comes back within a minute, placing the glass in front of Jungkook as he thanks him but doesn't reach for it just yet. Though his throat starts to feel dry, he feels it tightening as he's not sure how to start.

"I'm sorry," Hoseok blurts out suddenly, "I know I said it so many times by now but I can't look you in the eyes without saying it again. It feels awful to feel this tension and awkwardness between us, I know it's my fault..."

"No, it's not..." Jungkook mutters, ignoring the subtle surprise on Hoseok's face as he nervously brushes through his dark hair, staring at the younger. "At least not entirely,"

Hoseok's face drops but he nods in understatement.

"I was so mad at you. I felt betrayed by my own friend and having to come to terms with what happened--it's still hard and it's not easy but I think I'm getting better at understanding you and... her,"

Hoseok's features turn soft, not daring to say a word. Not yet at least.

"It sucks because I'm still mad, a part of me is and I don't think it's gonna go away any time soon," he repeats the words he said to you in his car yesterday, "But Y/N made me think about you more... well at least to try and see things from your perspective as she would say. She actually made us an example,"

He chuckles at the memory.

"And I understood if Y/N came up to me and asked me--asked me what Kiko asked you as her best friend. I would do it in a heartbeat. I would be there for her and keep it a secret because I respect her that much. I think it would be so fucking hard to keep such a heartbreaking secret, but I would do it for her. I guess I was selfish to see things from only my perspective. I was too consumed by the anger and heartbreak."

He hates how Hoseok gives him a pitiful look. He hates when people pity him and that's when he usually chooses not to be vulnerable in front of anyone. He deals with his stuff alone

"And it's totally understandable, Kook," Hoseok says slowly and softly, "I can't imagine what you had to go through and I hate myself for not telling you anything since I knew the truth from day one."

"I know it wasn't easy for you either," Jungkook tells him, finally having the courage to look back into his brown eyes. "I think it would be worse if you actually didn't feel bad." he tries to joke and it helps to soothe out the tension in the room, as Hoseok chuckles but it comes out dryly.

"Ever since I've known," Hoseok says hesitantly, eyes glancing at Jungkook as the younger slowly nods at him to silently tell him it's fine to be honest and open. Even if it might hurt him. "I told her to tell you. She even told me she regrets telling me and dragging me into this. But I'm glad she did, only because she was alone. I know she chose it and I know you're the best thing that happened to her, I encouraged her to tell you before it's too late. To talk to you before she–"

He sets his lips into a tight line as Jungkook gives him a saddened nod, knowing what he is referring to.

"I told her you'd take care of them. I told her even if she decided she doesn't--whatever she decided, you would be there for her every step of the way. But she was so stubborn, she wouldn't listen to me and she panicked. Before she knew, it was too late. When she broke up with you--I scolded her for not telling you the truth but she told me it will hurt you even more than the lie,"

He knows, she told him and it's still hurtful to hear this thing all over again.

"But she put your well-being first. And then you guys got together again and I still told her to tell you because one way or another, you will find out and then she will lose you. I think that intimidated her the most and she caught herself into this web of lies. She loved you so much that the thought of losing you again scared the shit out of her. She regretted her decision and--I know you probably don't want to hear about her or hear her side because what she did–-it was her decision and she had the right to do so. But she still hurt you... a lot."

"No, it's fine. I think I need to hear all of it to be able to fully move on." Jungkook swallows, hearing his heart cracking but something tells him he really needs to hear all of it.

"She started going to therapy shortly after..." he motions with his hands, still not able to say it out loud because it is too painful. For him as well. "She wasn't doing well, Kook. I know you probably don't care–"

"I do," he cuts him off gently, "I don't like the thought of her suffering, despite all."

"Because you have the biggest heart," Hoseok says immediately, cringing at his words which makes both men chuckle a little. "You really do."

"I just don't get it... we were doing so fine. We talked about our future. So what if it happened way sooner than we planned? She wasn't planning to break up with me. Does she think we couldn't be a family? Does she think we couldn't raise a child together? As a father of the child, I had the right to at least know that she is pregnant. Fuck, we had sex just a few days before she broke up with me. Knowing she was pregnant at that time--"

"Nobody would change her mind. Not even you, Jungkook," Hoseok reminds him softly, "I know you think you would... but she was too stubborn. She was depressed and sure of her decision. It backfired and she is gonna live it for the rest of her life. She lost you for good."

Jungkook swallows, wanting to reach for the stupid glass of water but he doesn't want to look weaker than he already is.

"How--How is she?" he asks carefully. Tone perfectly slow and wary, he's not sure if he wants to hear about her but a part of him wants to know.

He hasn't seen her and nobody talked to her in front of him, which is understandable and he knows it was better that way.

"She's in Japan at the moment," Hoseok smiles sadly, "She is with her family and needs to heal. It fucked her up a lot. I think even more because she blames herself knowing it's all on her."

"I...I'm sorry to hear that."

He really is. No matter what happened between them, it's not easy to hear how much she is suffering. He doesn't want her to suffer for the rest of her life. He's not that bitter and bad to actually wish that.

"She will be better," Hoseok says, though Jungkook is not sure if he means it or tries to persuade himself, or both of them. "At first she tried to hide her true emotions, she thought I couldn't see she's faking it... it always ended up with her losing it. It would take hours to calm her down."

"I'm... I'm glad she had you." he says, knowing he wouldn't be able to be that person to her.

Or maybe he could but he's not sure if he was capable, considering his own heartbreak and demons.

"You were the one she wanted," Hoseok admits softly, "But nobody would ask you of that. She really hates herself for hurting you."

"I know," Jungkook sighs, "I don't want her to hate herself."

"Maybe you could tell her that? Maybe in the future? I know it's a lot to ask and I don't want to make it seem as if I'm pressuring you. You've got every right not to see her anymore because I know how much that must hurt. I think you both aren't ready to see each other and most importantly, talk. But maybe the right way to heal is to heal each other?" he asks unsurely.

He definitely doesn't want to push Jungkook's buttons, he already appreciates him being here and this conversation going smoothly, even though it's sad and heartbreaking all over again.

"Maybe," he mumbles, "I'm healing slowly but I guess you're right. I'm not ready though. It still hurts. I can't help but think what if... and all that. I imagine what my life would look like if she didn't... but I guess it happened for a reason?"

"Yeah," he nods slowly and gives him a saddened smile, "Maybe you just weren't meant to be for each other."

"I'm not sure if I believe that," Jungkook frowns, "We loved each other. If she said the truth, things could be different. I wouldn't leave her no matter what."

"Of course, I don't doubt your love," Hoseok reminds him, "I'm sure if things were different, you'd still be together. But I'm glad you're healing. I'm really sorry for what you had to go through. I wish I could change it."

"Maybe it happened for a reason," Jungkook shrugs, though he is still not sure if this is his fate. "I'll have to live either way."

"You look well." Hoseok tells him, searching Jungkook's face. He doesn't look as broken as he once did.

The memory of Jungkook's indescribable face when they last talked together still haunts him to this day. It made his guilt even bigger each time he thought about it.

"Y/N helped me a lot. So did Taehyung and Jimin..." he explains silently. "She made me see things that would take me way longer to realize."

Hoseok smiles and a few moments of silence follows as Jungkook stares at his intertwined fingers.

"Hobi," Jungkook calls out softly to his friend, Hoseok's eyes sparkling at the nickname as a relief washes through him. "I'm sorry for almost punching you."

"No, please, it's alright. I get it."

"No, I was aggressive. If Y/N didn't get between us, I would have punched you. I really wanted to."

"Do you want to punch me now?" He jokes and makes Jungkook's mouth twitch as a playful gaze washes over his eyes before he slowly shakes his head.

"No."

"Good, it would definitely hurt like hell," he chuckles, "But yeah. It was crazy of her to get between us. I told her she shouldn't have done that when I was leaving."

"God, if I punched her accidentally I would've never forgiven myself,"

If that happened, he knows it would be technically your fault because who the fuck gets between two men that are about to fight? Well, between a man who's about to punch the other one.

"She saved the day, though. Didn't she?" Jungkook cracks a smile as Hoseok laughs.

"Yeah, and my face too. Remind me to thank her later."

"I will." he laughs and the air suddenly feels lighter than before. It's still a little awkward but as he stares at Hoseok's joyful face, or at least way more relaxed than he looked in the beginning, he feels relief.

"We are good, yeah?" Hoseok asks unsurely, suddenly turning nervous again as Jungkook stares at him for a second.

And then his lips stretch into the slightest smile, unspoken forgiveness lingering in Jungkook's big and dark eyes. "Yes. We will be."

Once Hoseok stretches his hand to him, Jungkook takes it and is surprised when Hoseok gives him a crushing hug.

"Don't overdo it." Jungkook jokes, slapping Hoseok on his back as he pulls away with no regrets.

Maya looks beautiful in every dress she tries. It does make you emotional to see her in her possible wedding dress, and you have a hard time not to tear up. It's definitely the champagne's fault the woman that works in the shop gives you.

You've lost count how many dresses she has tried so far, each of them unique and beautiful in their own pretty way. Maya has no idea what style to go for, so she picked various styles and has managed to look good in each of them.

You're enjoying this, not only the champagne with a strawberry in it, but it's something new and it's safe to say you've never been in a wedding salon to be a part of the process of picking a wedding dress with your friend. It does distract you from the thoughts of how Jungkook is doing. You do check your phone whenever Maya is in the fitting room.

You don't know what you expect. A message of Jungkook losing it again? A message that everything went well? You know meeting Hoseok is a big deal for him, regardless of how he tried to hide it this morning.

"Crap, there's not enough time. Can you try the dress for me?" Maya pulls you out of your thoughts, your eyes directed on the wedding dress she's wearing at the moment once the woman informs you there's another client coming soon.

It's the last piece Maya has to try, the sleek dress hanging on the hanger for her to try. Just getting out of each dress is taking a lot of time and you think you've got enough time. Apparently you don't and you can already see the stress on Maya's face. This is a big deal for her and this process does make her feel nervous, because she wants everything to be perfect. Even though she tries to look carefree and relaxed.

"Me?"

"Yeah, there's not enough time for me to try it." she whines, sending a glare to the door where the woman working in this salon disappeared. Well, it's not her fault Maya chose too many dresses to try in a span of two hours.

"But our bodies are different," you remind her, "It's gonna look different on me than on you."

"I just need to see how they look on the body. I don't really care whose body it is."

"Oh, okay." There's not enough time to think this through and you stand up, wiping your palms against your jeans as you walk towards the white dress.

The woman comes back from the door, seeing you grabbing the dress as she rushes to you and takes it from your hands to help you. "Let me help you," she smiles kindly, "Are you trying it for your friend?"

"Uhh, yes." you smile nervously and let her lead you to the fitting room.

She helps you to put them on and surprisingly, they fit amazingly. You'd still need a pair of heels because the dress is too long. You walk out of the fitting room, chuckling at yourself.

"Yah, I'm not sure."

Maya looks in your direction, hopping off the circled stair which is placed for brides to stand to see the dress more clearly, since the mirrors surround one side.

"Wow," she lets out, grinning ear to ear. "Don't do this to me girl. You'd be a prettier bride than me."

"Oh, please." you roll your eyes at Maya as she helps you to step on her previous spot.

It's the moment when you turn around to fully look at your reflection under the bright lights that your mouth falls open. Your hair is down, the soft waves you made yourself in the morning actually make you look less casual with this dress on. It's got blouson sleeves, the skirt thin but flowy. It looks like a dress for a princess. You feel like a princess and you can't stop looking at yourself.

"God, you're so beautiful," Maya whines next to you, "I love the dress. How you feelin'?"

"Weird?" you chuckle, "I've never tried a wedding dress before. Obviously." you snort at yourself.

"The dress suits you," the woman joins your conversation, complimenting you as well as your cheeks heat up at their compliments and eyes widened in awe. "You look like a princess."

"I want to look like a queen at my wedding." you joke as both of them giggle with you.

"Let me take a picture," Maya says and hands you your phone to unlock it for her since you've been taking her pictures on your phone, so she can decide on her choice later.

She said like ten times on each dress that "It's the one" and all of them are beautiful, so deciding will be hard for her.

You hand her the phone back and pose for her, even throwing a peace sign as a joke as you laugh together. The owner of the salon, whose name you unfortunately forgot when she introduced you, takes a picture of you two before you have to rush to get out of the dresses so the other client doesn't have to wait once she gets here.

Just as you thank the owner, grabbing your stuff, the other client arrives just in time as you get out of the salon.

"Fuck, it's gonna be so hard to choose." Maya complains but the happiness on her face is clear as the day. "This was so fun. Thank you for coming with me."

"Don't mention it, it was so much fun," you tell her, letting her intertwine your arms together. "Here, let's get an ice-cream and look at the pictures!"

She doesn't refuse, both of you stuffing your face. The entire dress is trying to make both of you hungry.

Once Maya goes to the bathroom later on, you check your phone to see no notifications. You open the chat with Jungkook and jokingly send him a picture of you trying on the dress. You'd show him later anyway but you do want to ask him how's it going.

You're about to lock your phone, thinking he's not going to respond right away and there's a chance he is still talking to Hoseok. Surprisingly, he replies right after you lock your phone.

Kook: 😳

You snort at the emoji, thumb hovering over the screen before another message pops up.

Kook: are you trying to tell me something?

"🙄 what?? No compliments?"

Kook: are you getting secretly married?

"Lol yes"

Kook: who's the lucky guy?

"Not you 😜"

Kook: ouch and here I thought we said we'll get married together if we are not married by the age of 40

"I guess you aren't that lucky then" 

"They told me I look like a princess 😎"

Kook: you do

You unawarely bite your lower lip as you stare at his text, wondering what the tone of it is. Deciding that you're not sure what to reply next, because all of this is just a joke, you start typing.

"How's it going with Hoseok?" 

Kook: great actually 

Kook: I'll tell you at home

Kook: see you until then princess ;) 

You send him an emoji of rolling eyes, knowing he must be cackling behind the screen. Putting away your phone, you smile at approaching Maya as you fall into another friendly conversation as soon as she sits down.

Jungkook is in the shower when you come back, the day with Maya dragging longer since you decided to go for a walk and then have a late lunch together before you parted ways. She still hasn't decided on her dress but she still has some time, a few weeks or months. Nobody expects her to choose one on the first day.

You change into more comfortable clothes, grabbing yourself a glass of lemonade when Jungkook joins you in the kitchen.

"What's up, princess?" he teases, greeting you once you turn around to spot him wearing his sweatpants only, hair wet from the shower. He is doing this on purpose, doesn't he?

Not letting yourself to look too affected for various reasons, you roll your eyes at his teasing. "Keep teasing."

"Or what?" he presses, a scent of shower gel and shaving cream filling the kitchen as he leans against the kitchen island, smirking at you.

You clench your jaw, stuffing your hands into the pockets of your sweatpants. "How did it go with Hoseok? Show me your hands."

He rolls his eyes, chuckling a little. "Good, actually," he responds, shaking himself out of the amused mood as he turns serious. "We talked a lot. I'm able to understand him more but... yeah, I think it's going in the right direction."

"That sounds great, I'm glad." you smile and Jungkook returns it.

"We hung out for a little longer and then I went to work out to process it. I feel... surprisingly lighter and more relaxed."

"He is your friend, I can imagine you want to have him in your life."

"Yeah..." he mumbles in thought before he glances up just as you drink the lemonade. "How was your day with Maya? What's with the wedding dress?"

You laugh, "We were running out of time, so Maya asked me to try the dress for her. All the dresses were so beautiful, Kook. So many various styles and materials."

"You had fun, I see."

"I did."

"Did she pick one?"

"No, there were too many and she still has time to decide. We took a picture of each dress, so she has the pictures to choose from. But the prices, oof."

"Isn't she renting the dress?"

"She is, but it's still expensive. We talked about her wedding plans and the money they're about to put in it, fuck. I mean I know organizing a wedding is expensive but the prices she told me--I'm not sure if I'll ever get married." you laugh and Jungkook amusingly rolls his eyes.

"You will." he assures you.

You know you will. You're just joking but the money you need for a single wedding is still a lot. Mind blowing.

"Oh," you suddenly remember, reaching for your phone on the counter as you unlock it. "I wanna show you something."

"What? Another wedding dress?" He jokes as you thrust your phone into his hands, eyes trailing your face amusingly for a moment before he looks at the screen and his features freeze before a slight frown makes it on his face. "What's this?"

"I found this on the internet." you explain, standing next to him as you peek at the screen, a familiar image and text on it.

"Are you moving out?" he asks, surprised.

"I told you I'm searching for apartments and I found this. Look at the pictures, the apartment is so cozy and the rent is actually very good. It's even closer than the building I lived in before. Look, look," you tell him as you swipe the pictures to show him how the building looks from the outside. "Doesn't it look western? It brings me back home. It even has a balcony!"

Jungkook looks at the pictures, reading the information that comes with the ad.

"I didn't contact the person yet, I wanted to show you first. But I think I'm gonna try it and have a look. What do you think?"

He hands you back the phone as he looks a little taken back, which you do notice and it makes your excited features fall down a little. He meets your gaze and suddenly relaxes as he gives you a smile.

"You should try at least."

"Would you come with me? I mean... if you're free that day."

"Yeah, sure. We can check it out together." he assures you and you sigh in relief.

"What's wrong?"

He frowns, shrugging. "What?"

"You look weird. Do you not want me to move out?"

"Do you think I want to?" he asks dumbfoundedly. "I told you you can stay as long as you want." he reminds you.

"No, no that's not what I meant. I know I can stay. But we both know I can't stay here forever."

"Why not?" Jungkook's lips curl as he sits down on the chair and pulls you between his spreaded legs. "I got used to having you here,"

And his hands roam down your lower back as you shiver, looking down at him and how soft his skin looks.

"It's gonna be sad not having you around."

You snort, "You make it seem as if I'm moving to another country," you joke, "I will still be around. Have you grown attached to me, hm?"

Jungkook rolls his eyes, "You know I enjoy your company."

"Mhm, company," you tease as he grins at you, eyes sparkling. "Or something else, don't you?"

"It's not just about sex." he frowns a little as you snort.

"Okay," you nod, knowing that's not what he meant. "But it does make things easier, doesn't it?"

"It does," he agrees, "How will I fuck you? Will we have to make sex apppoitments or something?" he whines and it causes a bubbly laugh rip out of your throat as your hands play with his hair at the back of his head.

"Oh, how awful." you tease and he groans, hiding his face into your stomach as you keep laughing.

He pinches your ass and you yelp, scolding him right after as you're interrupted by Jungkook's ringtone. He reaches for the device, staring at the screen as a low "Fuck" makes it out.

He groans and you look at the screen, seeing "Mom" written on it.

"I was supposed to call her but I forgot." he explains before he accepts the call.

"Yah, Jeon Jungkook! You don't know your mother's number?" Mrs. Jeon scolds him as soon as she realizes Jungkook has accepted her call, even before he can utter a single word.

You hold back a laugh, watching Jungkook pinching the bridge of his nose. "I'm so sorry, mom. This week has been busy and--"

"So busy you can't contact your parents?" Mrs. Jeon continues to scold him as Jungkook shoots you a glare, ready to slap your ass as you dodge it just in time. "Jungwon told me you'll call me and I've been waiting."

"Ah, I know. I'm sorry, mom," Jungkook sighs disappointedly at himself, "I'll make it up to you."

"You will!" she agrees, "I want you to come visit. The last time you were here was for Christmas. It's spring already, spring Jungkook!"

You can't hold it back and you laugh out loud, slapping your hand over your mouth as Jungkook's mouth twitches and he tries to hide a grin. His mom says something as Jungkook sighs.

"It's Y/N. She's here with me."

You hear something muffled, now that her voice isn't as loud as Jungkook sighs. "Wait a second,"

And then he turns on the speaker and places his phone on the counter.

"Okay, she hears you now."

"Y/N, my sweetest girl! Is my son annoying you? Is he cleaning after himself? I heard you live with him, I hope he takes care of you."

You giggle, Jungkook pursing his lips as he looks annoyed at his own mother.

"Hi, Mrs. Jeon!" you greet her cheerfully, stepping closer to the phone so she hears you more clearly. "Don't worry, Jungkook is the nicest roommate."

"I'm happy to hear that. I raised him well!" she praises herself and Jungkook snorts, causing you to elbow him as he shrugs.

"You did." you agree with her, smiling as she asks you how you are and how's your work. Simple and friendly questions you gladly answer.

In the middle of your conversation, Jungkook sneakily starts to caress your ass down your thighs, shooting you a grin as you turn around to glare at him.

"--you need to come to Busan too! Jungkook-ah, take her with you. We need more girls in this household."

Jungkook snorts, "I don't know if Y/N wants to, mom."

Mrs. Jeon stays silent, waiting for your answer. "I mean... if I'm free I'd love to see you and Mr. Jeon again." you reply politely.

"See, Jungkook? Even Y/N wants to see us."

"Mom," Jungkook groans, hand between your thighs as he caresses your inner thigh.

You hate to admit how wet you already are from his touches and he is not even touching your clothed heat.

"I said I'm sorry. You really gonna torture me?"

Mrs. Jeon snorts, "Yes."

"You women are something else."

"Y/N dear, slap him for me."

"Mom!"

You start laughing, Jungkook dropping his hand off your leg.

"Don't worry, Mrs. Jeon. I will punish him." you joke, not realizing how your words sound until it's too late but Mrs. Jeon doesn't put any thought to it as she laughs and supports you.

Jungkook glares at your amused expression that you give him, something flickering in his eyes. "Keep talking," he warns you with a low tone, so his mother doesn't hear him.

You stick your tongue out at him.

"Mom, I will try and come this weekend. I'm sorry for not calling sooner. Say hi to dad from me, okay?"

"You better come this weekend. We miss you and it's been a while. Haru has been talking about her uncle, I'm sure she will be happy to see you again."

"I was just babysitting her, mom." Jungkook reminds her dumbfoundedly.

"And? That's why she can't stop talking about you. Why do you sound so annoyed, Jeon Jungkook? I hope you're not because she is your niece, just wait–"

"Alright, mom. I love you and I will see you next weekend. Bye, love you." And he hangs up before she can say anything else.

He leaves you speechless and you laugh, slapping his shoulder. "That was mean!"

"She was mean too!"

"Genes." you shrug simply and walk away from him.

"Yah!" You hear behind you.

[norrisleclercf1]

Omgggg can you please do more of the Lorenzo and Carlos. It is sooo sooo cute <3

Maybe something with teenage Lorenzo again about carlos getting into a crash and Lorenzo being by your side trying to stay strong for you but ends up breaking down and you have to remind him he’ll still be your baby even if he’s getting older

A/N: Ugh poor Lorenzo, he wants to be so strong for his family that he forgets he's still their baby

"Oh there goes Carlos Sainz into the barrier, I think he flipped multiple times. We're cutting cameras from the wreckage and RED FLAG they're red flagging the race!" Lorenzo felt his ears ringing and the bones of his hand grinding together from your grip.

"Carlos," The sound you make was not human as you watch the screen. "Carlos, are you okay?" Carlos's mechanic's voice filters into the static filled headset. "Carlos, are you okay?" The question is repeated over and over again that Lorenzo can't take it anymore ripping off his head set and throwing it.

"Mama, we have to go. Come on." Lorenzo pulls your headset off as he sees this faraway look in your eyes. "It's worse than Zhou's." You whisper and Lorenzo has to bite his lip tearing it between his teeth.

"Y/n! Lorenzo!" Lorenzo looks up, hearing the panic voices of his Uncle Lando and Charles. "I'm sorry, we have to go. The medics are going to want us to follow them." He wraps his arms around you whispering in soft Spanish that Papi would be okay.

"We can drive," "No," Lorenzo snaps, taking a deep breath he remembers to keep his emotions in check. "No but thank you Uncle Charles. You two have a race to drive, I'll text you with updates." Lorenzo turns you around leading you to the 2nd medical car as it drives them to the hospital.

"Is he talking?" You ask the medic who makes a face, but quickly wipes it away when he notices that Lorenzo is staring at him. "Mama, let's not bother him okay. Let's take deep breathes yeah? Papa is going to be okay. He's strong." Lorenzo whispers, pulling you in as you take the deep breathes.

"We're here Mrs. Sainz." Rushing out of the car, your son hot on your tail as you skid to a stop. "Oh, dios mi bebe, Carlos!" You gasp seeing your husband on the gurney being wheeled into the emergency room. "No, wait please let me, let me hold his hand." You beg, Lorenzo pulling you back as you cry for Carlos.

"Mama, let them work." Lorenzo swallows, blinking fast to keep himself from falling apart. He needed to be strong, to be the wall. Carlos taught him that, that when he was gone, he was the leader, and right now it was looking like it'll happen sooner. "No, no his ring. He wouldn't want it cut off, please his ring mi hijo." You beg.

"Okay, okay I'll get his ring." Lorenzo leads you to a private waiting room. "I'll be back, Mama." Kissing your head, he leaves you running to the area they took him away. "My father's ring, please. I need it." One of the nurses turn, shocked to see a 14-year-old boy. "Oh sweetie, here." The nurse whispers handing him a bag of his father's race suit, everything he was wearing.

Lorenzo says thank you and moves to the waiting room and sits down waiting for any news.

The hours ticked by, but soon a doctor comes by, a bunch of medical jargon but basically his Papa suffered some serious injuries, but they could go and see him. Walking to the room, you seemed to have come back, back to your normal self, knowing your husband was going to survive.

You step into the room, but Lorenzo stays at the door leaning against. He didn't want to crowd his father, but at the same time he couldn't stand seeing him like this. You whisper in a mix of Spanish and English in Carlos's ear. His heart rate picks up slightly, which has you laughing pushing hair out of his face.

"Lorenzo, come here." You whisper, holding out your hand. "Yes, Mama." He mumbles, slowly moving to your side. "It's okay, he's going to be okay." Lorenzo nods, you stand whispering about getting coffee.

Lorenzo takes you spot and drops his head. "I'm not ready, I'm not ready." Lorenzo whispers finally letting out his emotions from the day. "I can't Papa. You, I need you still. I know I'm a man now, but I can't. Mama, I can't." Lorenzo gasps, shoulders shaking holding his father's hand.

"Lo, baby." He snaps straight turning to you as he wipes his eyes fast, sniffling. "I," "Shhhh, it's okay. Papa is going to be okay, and you aren't a man. You're still our baby, always our baby." You mummer, running your fingers through his hair. "I'm not ready." He sobs, burying his face into your stomach.

"Lo, you're older but still our child. I should've been the strong one, not you. And I'm so sorry for that, but remember this; it's doesnt matter how old you get, you're going to be our baby for a very long time." Lorenzo nods, sniffling as he just cries it all out.

[sunsetreid]

christmas gift [ s. reid ]

— part two !

part of the ‘ back to school night ‘ series

find part one here !

pairing : teacher!Spencer Reid x single mom!reader

summary / prompt : three months after she begins to see him, (Y/N) wants to tell her daughter about her and Spencer’s relationship … but Spencer isn’t sure that he’s ready to tell Cassia

requested : kinda

genre : smut, fluff, and angst (the trifecta !)

warnings : age gap (8 years), mentions of body and self esteem issues, language throughout, angst (with an eventual happy ending), explicit sexual content, oral (m receiving), p in v protected sex, pet names during sex

【 18+ CONTENT BELOW (minors dni !) 】

Sneaking around is hard enough, but sneaking around with an 8-year-old child in the house is a whole other level. Especially for three months.

(Y/N) hates feeling like she’s lying to her daughter and that she has been since early September.

There are two days until Christmas. It’s been three and a half months of sneaking around and coming up with lies about why she has to stay at her dad’s for a few extra hours after school.

Cassia is young and loves her dad enough to not ask questions or be suspicious of her mother’s behavior. (Y/N) is at least grateful for that.

(Y/N) and her daughter are in the car on the way to Cassia's father's house on Christmas Eve Eve. According to their custody agreement, Cassia is to spend the night of the 23rd into the 24th with her father while spending the 24th into the 25th. Her father is always welcome to join them to open presents with their daughter on Christmas.

"Mom," Cassia says from the backseat. "What do you do when you drop me off at Daddy's?"

She blinks and looks in the rearview mirror at her daughter. "I stay up really late and have a couple of adult drinks," she replies. It's not a complete lie. Sometimes she has a guest over ... in her bed.

"Daddy lets me stay up late," Cassia says.

"I know he does," (Y/N) replies when she pulls up and parks out front of her ex's house. She turns in her seat to look at Cassia. "I've told him not to multiple times but he never listens to me. Anyway, we're here. Grab your backpack."

An excited Cassia grabs her backpack while her mother helps her out of the car. She runs up to the door and knocks on it. (Y/N) is right behind her as her father opens the door.

Cassia's father leans down and picks her up. "Back again, Munchkin?"

"Mom is going to stay up late and have adult drinks," Cassia tells her father. "She's so boring."

"Ouch," (Y/N) laughs before snatching her back from her father. "I'll be back for you tomorrow, squirt. Now go play. I have to talk to your father."

She runs up the stairs. Cassia's father, Mateo, leans against the doorframe. "I'm not in trouble, am I?"

(Y/N) shakes her head. "I just wanted to know how you told Cassia that you were dating someone," she replies. "Because I have no idea how to do that, especially because it's someone she knows."

Mateo says, "I gave her ice cream and told her about Jenna when she was at her happiest. She seemed happy, but she didn't meet Jenna for a few more weeks. She would ask me so many times a day when she would get to meet her so I eventually caved in. If she knows the guy you're dating then she shouldn't have much of an issue."

"So give her ice cream and tell her about my boyfriend," (Y/N) repeats. "Sounds good. Thanks. I'll be back around one tomorrow to come get her."

When she turns around to leave, Mateo says, "Hey, I don't get to know about your new boyfriend? I told you about Jenna when we started telling people about our relationship."

(Y/N)'s cheeks heat up. She still isn't used to calling Spencer her boyfriend. That title is only about six weeks old, but they've casually been seeing each other since back-to-school night.

“It’s still kind of new,” she admits. “I don’t think we’re ready to tell people yet, except maybe Cassia. I have to talk with him when I see him later.”

Mateo wiggles his eyebrows. “Later,” he teases. “Have fun later.”

“Shut up,” she playfully snaps. “I have to go get his gift so if you’ll excuse me.”

He lets her go this time. (Y/N) walks to her car and starts it up when she’s inside.

It’s a half-hour drive back to her apartment from Mateo’s house that he and his now fiancé share. She’s quick to get inside and get Spencer’s Christmas gift.

The gift isn’t exactly something that Spencer can unwrap, so she throws on a trench coat on top of the lingerie set that she bought so Spencer can “unwrap” her.

The set is red and lacy since it is Christmas. The bra is pretty much see-through and hides nothing. The panties are the same way. She’s practically naked.

She curls her hair, puts on some red lipstick to match the set, and then gets back in her car to head to Spencer’s.

Her hands are shaking as she drives the ten minutes to Spencer’s apartment. She’s never done anything like this for anyone, not even Mateo. They were together for years and she never put on lingerie to surprise him.

Needless to say, (Y/N) is extremely nervous. She has no idea how Spencer is going to react to his “gift”.

(Y/N) sits outside of Spencer’s apartment building for a few minutes when she pulls into the spot next to his car. She has completely lost the confidence she had when she bought the set a few weeks ago. She even contemplates going home to change really quickly and grabbing the actual gift that she was going to give to him after Christmas the next time she saw him.

Her plans to flee and change are quickly shut down when Spencer texts her.

‘ Almost here ? I’m ready for my present :) ‘

‘ just pulled up. give me a second. patience, dr reid ‘

‘ Finishing up some grading so just come in ‘

‘ got it. see you in a few seconds ‘

With a sigh, (Y/N) gets out of the car. Her heels click on the pavement as she walks into the building. She gets on the elevator because Spencer just has to live on the top floor, and she is not walking up six flights of steps in heels. That sounds like torture to her feet.

In the elevator, she sees herself in the mirror which is the wall of the elevator. Her hair still looks nice. Her lips are a rosey red color. Her eyes are bright and she is glowing.

She looks good. Who cares what a boy thinks?

Her confidence rebuilds itself just as the elevator dings and the doors open.

After a short walk down the hallway, (Y/N) knocks as she opens the door to Spencer’s apartment. “Spence? Where are you?” she calls as she sticks her head into the apartment.

“Office,” a faint voice calls from somewhere. “Be right there.”

As she closes the door behind her, a slightly disheveled Spencer Reid appears out of the hallway that leads to two bedrooms, a bathroom, and an office. He smiles when his eyes meet (Y/N)’s.

“Hi, my love,” (Y/N) greets him. Spencer leans down and presses a chaste kiss to her lips. “How is grading going?”

“Well, I’m grading spelling tests in cursive so it’s only a little frustrating since the kids are still learning how to write in cursive,” Spencer tells her. “Cassia’s writing is beautiful, by the way. Wonder where she gets that from.”

She smiles and wraps her arms around Spencer’s neck. “I taught her well,” she replies.

Spencer brings one of his hands up and traces her jaw with the back of his pointer finger. “A child’s first teacher is their mother,” he softly says. “No wonder she is insanely smart.”

“Stop trying to flatter me,” (Y/N) laughs. “You already know how much I like you. You don’t need to flatter me anymore. Not that you did much of that to begin with.”

He laughs in reply. “Give me ten minutes to finish up with grading then I am all yours,” Spencer tells her as he presses another quick kiss to her lips.

“Go be a teacher, Doctor Reid,” she replies. “I’ll be right here while you finish up.” There’s a hint of mischief in her voice and a smug smirk on her face. Spencer notices but he doesn’t ask any questions. He just raises his eyebrows at her.

Without another word, Spencer turns on his heels and heads back down to his office. She doesn’t hear a door shut, which she knows he likes to do when he wants to be left alone in his office.

She gives it five minutes before she puts her plan in motion and slowly makes her way down to the office. She walks very slowly and tries not to make any noise.

(Y/N) pushes the door open slightly and pops her head in to see her boyfriend hard at work. He has on his cute little glasses and looks concentrated on the paper on his desk. His head rests in one hand.

It would be a lie if she said that a focused Spencer is very hot. Especially when he goes into what she calls “teacher mode”, like he’s in right now.

He writes a letter on the paper that is in front of him before he puts it to the side. Spencer glances up to see (Y/N) standing at the door. He takes a second look.

“Sorry,” she says. “Couldn’t resist coming down and watching you work for a few minutes.”

Spencer laughs and shakes his head. "You would find a way to come watch me work," he replies as he leans back in his chair. He puts his glasses down on his desk. "I just finished though. Come here."

She smiles and walks further into the room. "I like watching you work, Spence," (Y/N) tells him as she leans against the desk with her legs between his knees. "You look so focused and cute. I can't help it."

"You know," Spencer slowly says. "I've noticed you haven't taken off that jacket yet when you usually get comfortable within seconds of walking in here."

(Y/N) sucks her bottom lip between her teeth. "Maybe your present is under the jacket," she tells him. Spencer raises his eyebrows. "Why don't you find out?"

He stands up, his legs between (Y/N)'s knees. She leans back on her hands on his desk so he can easily untie the tie that's keeping the jacket closed.

Her entire body shakes as Spencer undoes the tie around her waist. The jacket falls open and Spencer's eyes widen as he gets a look at what's underneath the jacket. "Fuck, (Y/N)," he mumbles under his breath. "You're going to kill me."

"Well, we wouldn't want that now, would we?" she says as she goes to close the jacket again.

Spencer shakes his head and almost shouts, "No, no, no!" He pushes the jacket off of (Y/N)'s shoulders until it pools around her wrists on the desk. She smiles when his hands slide to her waist and rest on the bare skin above the waistband of the panties. His thumb plays with the waistband itself. "I like it. Actually, I love it."

She smiles and feels her cheeks heat up. "Glad you like it," she says. "Merry Christmas."

"I like my Christmas present," he mumbles. (Y/N) has noticed that his eyes haven't left her body. "My pretty girl."

Her nickname that Spencer only uses when he wants sex or is turned on causes her cheeks to overheat.

She doesn't know how but she pulls her hands out of the sleeves of the jacket to reach out and cup Spencer's jaw. His warm eyes meet hers, and she sees a darkness in them. The same darkness he has when he craves her. (Y/N)'s hands slide down his neck and chest. Her fingers work at untying the tie around his neck.

"I don't understand why you always wear a full suit and tie," she tells him. "What have you done today that made you put this on."

"Faculty meeting at the school this morning," he replies as she gets the tie undone. "You've gotten better at untying ties, baby."

Using the tie, (Y/N) pulls Spencer close to her. He smiles. "I have a really good teacher," she teases.

As soon as the last word passes her lips, Spencer closes the space between them. His lips attack hers and he bites her lower lip. (Y/N) hums and uses her heels to pull Spencer even closer to her.

His hands come up and his fingers find a home in her curls. His fingers curl in her locks, not letting her go very far.

The tie drops to the floor, the jacket follows shortly after. (Y/N) begins to work on unbuttoning the shirt he's wearing. She untucks the shirt and shoves it off his shoulders to the floor.

She hooks her fingers into the waistband of his pants and turns them around so Spencer is the one against the desk. She kisses her way to his neck and mumbles, "That was only part one of your gift." She undoes the belt around his waist. The metal clangs together as she undoes it. Quickly, she pushes his pants down. "This is part two."

Before Spencer can reply, (Y/N) slides down to her knees in front of him. "Oh, fuck me," Spencer breathes out.

"That's going to be your job," she teases as she takes his semi into her hand. It doesn't take very long for the semi to get fully hard after she begins to stroke him. "Right now, I want you to fuck my mouth."

Spencer gnaws on his bottom lip as (Y/N) wraps hers around his dick. Her tongue swirls around the tip before she takes him in her mouth. She looks up at him with her eyes and finds that his head is thrown back. His lips are red and kiss-bruised from the rough kisses they shared earlier.

(Y/N) hollows out her cheeks and Spencer groans. “Oh my God,” he pants. He slowly begins to thrust his hips into her mouth. She stops moving her head and lets Spencer completely take over.

She feels Spencer grab a fistful of her curls. When he pulls slightly, (Y/N) lets out a soft groan around him. He looks down at her and she notices his eyes darken.

“You look so pretty like this, baby,” Spencer tells her. “You’re so pretty on your knees for me.” His hoarse voice goes straight down to her already soaked core.

When (Y/N) looks up at Spencer, she isn’t ready for the sight above her.

His hair has fallen into his face as he looks down at her and it moves very slightly as he rolls his hips. He tries to push it out of his face but it falls right back into place. His lips are still swollen. He looks at her like he is addicted to her.

He might be. She definitely is.

By her hair, Spencer pulls her off of his leaking dick. “As much as I want to come in that pretty mouth of yours,” he begins to say as he helps (Y/N) up to her feet. He pulls her against him and continues to talk in her ear. “I’d rather get you naked in my bed and fuck you until you can’t walk tomorrow.”

His words make her shiver with excitement and anticipation.

Spencer kicks his pants completely off before he grabs her hand and leads her out of the room. They completely abandon their clothes in the office as they walk down the hallway.

As soon as they pass the threshold into Spencer’s bedroom, his lips are on hers. His hands are back on her jaw and she’s reaching behind her to unclasp the bra. It falls to the floor before Spencer’s knees hit the bed and he sits on the mattress.

The kiss breaks when Spencer hits the mattress. He looks up at (Y/N) with eyes that have something different than lust in them. She doesn’t recognize the feeling in them.

She slides off the soaked panties before crawling onto his lap. She straddles his thighs and Spencer attaches himself to her neck. He kisses her neck and collarbone while she runs her fingers through his locks.

Honestly, her fingers are in Spencer’s hair so much, she’d be upset if he cut his hair. It gives her something to grab on to when he rails into her.

Spencer cups one of her breasts and flicks her nipple with his tongue. She shivers under his touch and rolls her hips against his. “Baby,” she breathes out. “What happened to wanting to fuck me?”

“In a second,” he mumbles against her skin. “Let me show you how beautiful you are.”

She can’t help but smile at the comment.

(Y/N) has told Spencer about all of the body image and self esteem issues that she’s had over the years since she had a baby. She told him about how she hates how much her weight fluctuates since she had Cassia and about how she’s hated how her body has looked since.

Now he makes it his mission to remind her how beautiful she is every time they fall into bed together or when they take a bath together. Every time he sees her naked, he tells her how beautiful she is. He always makes it a point to kiss all of the stretch marks across her stomach because she is always so insecure about them.

Spencer rolls them over and (Y/N) scoots closer to the pillows. He goes into his bedside table to retrieve a tiny package. She watches him rip the package open with his teeth and roll its contents onto himself.

Almost like he could hear what she was thinking about two seconds ago, Spencer leans down and presses soft kisses across her belly. She giggles and runs her fingers through his hair.

The kisses trail up her belly and between her breasts until he’s hovering on top of her. (Y/N)’s legs fall open so he can get comfortable between them. He lines himself up with her and meets her eyes. He doesn’t dare move. He hasn’t asked yet.

“You’re so beautiful, (Y/N),” he whispers. “So fucking beautiful. You know that?”

“I know,” she replies, voice soft. She reaches up and runs her thumb over his kiss-bruised lips. Spencer kisses the pad of her thumb. “You’re pretty too.”

Spencer laughs and leans down to kiss (Y/N) so softly that her heart flutters in her chest. It happens every time he kisses her like this.

She runs her thumbs over his cheekbones and pulls back from the kiss. He looks between her eyes and asks, “Can I?”

“Absolutely.”

He smiles and she looks down to watch him push into her. The sudden pressure causes her to gasp and close her eyes. It’s a familiar and welcomed pressure as he fills her.

“Spence,” she breathes out. “For the love of God. Move.”

A soft laugh comes from above her before he begins to slowly move his hips into her. A soft hum comes from (Y/N) as his movements speed up and he thrusts deeper into her.

The bed begins to freak beneath them as Spencer moves faster. The sounds coming from (Y/N) grow louder the deeper he moves into her. She bucks her hips up at the same time Spencer moves into her. She matches his speed.

Spencer’s hand holds (Y/N)’s waist, helping her. He leans down and presses his forehead to hers. The tips of their noses touch every time Spencer thrusts into her.

A knot forms at the bottom of her stomach. It threatens to come undone every time Spencer moves.

She opens her eyes and looks at Spencer above her. (Y/N) feels the world around her freeze and her heart skips a beat in her chest.

It’s cliché and she knows that, but it truly does feel like they are the only two people in the world at this very moment. All she can think about is Spencer and how she is falling in love with him a little more every second they spend together.

Spencer’s fingers on her clit end up bringing her back to reality. “Fuck,” she moans. “Fuck, Spencer.” She bites back louder moans.

“Don’t do that, baby,” Spencer breathes out. He pulls her bottom lip out of her mouth. “I want to hear you, pretty girl. I want to hear everything that comes out of that pretty mouth of yours.”

His words cause the knot in her stomach to tighten.

“Spencer,” she whines. “Please make me come. I’m so close. Please.” Her pleas sound like she’s begging him.

It sounds almost like a challenge, and that’s how he takes it.

He pulls almost completely out of her before he slams back into her. It only takes a few times before the knot comes undone and (Y/N) clenches then comes around Spencer’s dick. She cries out his name and sees stars. Her entire body goes limp as she hits her high.

Her climax hit her so hard that she loses touch with reality. She doesn’t feel Spencer come into the condom, pull out of her, or notice when he goes into the bathroom.

When she comes to, she’s still panting and Spencer is walking back into the bedroom. “Welcome back,” he says when he sees that she has come back to reality. “Thought I might’ve killed you for a second there.”

“Imagine that on my tombstone,” she replies. “Death by Spencer Reid’s dick.”

Spencer wipes away the layer of sweat that has covered her body and says, “It at least has to say ‘Dr. Spencer Reid.”

She lets out a breathy laugh and looks over at Spencer as he falls onto the bed beside her, the cloth discarded somewhere on the floor. They’ve both found their way under the blankets. She rolls over to she’s facing her boyfriend.

(Y/N) is quick to notice the little box in his hand. She raises her eyebrows at him. “I know we said that we were going to give gifts after Christmas but I didn’t want to wait any longer before I gave you this,” he tells her.

“What did you get me?”

She takes the box that’s being offered to her. She pulls it open and gasps at its contents.

Inside the box is a little silver necklace with an ‘S’ on the chain.

“Something to wear when you miss me,” he tells her as he brushes away a strand of hair that has fallen into her face. “Or when we don’t get to see each other for a few days.”

“It’s so pretty,” she replies as she pulls it out of the box. “Help me put it on?”

He nods and (Y/N) hands him the necklace. She sits up with the covers under her arms and gathers her hair into a ponytail so it’s easier for Spencer to get it around her neck.

She looks down and smiles as soon as it’s secured. She lightly touches the ‘S’ and lets her hair drop. Spencer pushes it to the side and presses a soft kiss to her shoulder.

“Like it?” he mumbles against her skin.

“Love it.” She turns and faces him. “Thank you.”

Spencer mirrors her smile and she leans down. She presses a soft kiss to Spencer’s lips before settling back down in his arms.

As she falls asleep, she makes note of two things she wants to talk to him about in the morning.

She wants to tell him that she wants to tell Cassia about them … and that she’s in love with him.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

(Y/N) isn’t sure what wakes her up the next morning. It could be the sun that’s shining in through the window. It could be the smell of bacon. She doesn’t know.

She rolls out of bed and grabs one of Spencer’s shirts as well as a pair of his boxers. Tying her hair up into a messy bun on top of her head, she leaves the bedroom and follows the smell of cooking bacon.

In the kitchen is Spencer Reid. He has on plaid pajama pants and a loose fitting t-shirt. He whistles to himself as he cooks breakfast. (Y/N) sees the plate of pancakes beside him on the counter. The keurig is also making some coffee.

“Good morning,” (Y/N) says, her voice still slurred with sleep.

Spencer turns around and smiles. “You were supposed to be in bed,” he tells her as she walks up to him. “This was supposed to be breakfast in bed.”

She gets on her tiptoes to press a soft kiss to his lips. “I smelled bacon and I needed to come investigate,” she replies. “Sorry.”

“You’re forgiven because of how good you look in my clothes right now,” he says. “Glad to know you still like bacon.”

“Duh.”

(Y/N) sits at the kitchen island and looks at her phone.

Mateo sent her a picture of himself and Cassia in a matching pajama set. A second message sits under it that says ‘ hope you’re wearing more protection than we did ‘.

She shakes her head and tucks her phone away when Spencer brings over breakfast.

“This looks really good,” (Y/N) says as she helps herself to the pancakes and bacon. Spencer sits a cup of coffee down in front of her. “You’re my hero.”

“I know that coffee is really the only way to your heart.” He kisses the top of her head before sitting beside her.

Breakfast is quiet. She enjoys Spencer’s presence as she eats the perfectly cooked bacon and fluffy pancakes that he made for them.

The entire time, she’s nervous. She’s nervous about bringing up telling Cassia and she’s definitely nervous about telling him that she loves him. Hopefully it doesn’t show how nervous she is.

Not only does Spencer make breakfast, but he does the dishes too. He goes back to humming to himself as he cleans.

Now seems like a good time to bring something up.

"So, I've been thinking about something," (Y/N) cautiously says. He turns his head and looks at her at the kitchen island. "I don't like the fact that I have been sneaking around my daughter, especially since she knows you and likes you. I wanted to what you think about maybe telling her about our relationship."

Spencer turns the water off and uses a hand towel to dry his hands. "I didn't know you wanted to tell her," he replies. "Last time we talked about it, you weren't too keen on being with me and now you want to tell Cassia about us. What's changed?"

She shrugs and looks down at the countertop. "I mean, I feel like I'm lying to her," (Y/N) tells Spencer. "Yesterday she asked me what I do after I drop her off at her father's house and I lied. I don't want to keep doing that to her, especially since I've told her how bad lying is since she could understand what lying was. I feel like a hypocrite."

He walks over to (Y/N) and she spins around in the chair so she's facing him. "I don't know," he sighs, tucking a piece of hair behind her ear. "I don't want her to think of me as anything but her teacher right now. It's only been a couple of months since we started seeing each other. It's still kind of new and I'm enjoying this little bubble that we have created for ourselves. I'm not sure if I'm ready for that bubble to burst just yet."

"If you don't want to tell her then that's fine," (Y/N) assures him as she wraps her arms around his waist. "I just wanted to get your thoughts on it."

"I don't want to tell her then."

That was a little too quick. "Wow, okay," she replies as she drops her arms. "I didn't think you felt that strongly about not telling Cassie."

"It's not that I don't want to tell her," Spencer explains with a sigh. "I just don't know if I'm ready to be someone's father."

(Y/N) sits back in her seat. "You're not her father, Spencer," she tells him. "She has a father. You're her teacher right now. If anything, you'll be more of a father figure and best friend to her if we were to tell her. She isn't going to call you 'dad' if that's what your worried about."

Spencer runs his fingers through his hair and sighs. "I'm not sure if I want to just butt into someone's family, (Y/N)," he admits. "Telling your daughter would make this almost permanent and it'll be that I'm butting into your family."

Okay, ouch.

"You don't think this his permanent?" (Y/N) questions. "Do you think this is a fling or something? Is that the reason you really don't want to tell my daughter? Do you not see yourself as a permanent part of our lives? Trust me when I tell you this, Spencer Reid. Cassia adores you. All these facts that you tell her and all of the lessons that you do with her, she commits those to memory because she enjoys being around you. You've already become a permanent part of her life. Sorry to break that to you."

"That's not what I'm saying-"

"That sounds exactly like what you're saying," she interrupts. "I want this to be permanent, Spencer. It's why I want to tell Cassia. You've already become such an important part of my life and an important part of my daughter's life in different ways. She gets off the chair and sighs. "If you don't want this to be a permanent thing, just tell me. Don't drag me along because you drag my daughter along too."

When Spencer doesn't say anything, (Y/N) grabs her jacket from his office and pulls it around herself before she walks out into the cool, Christmas Eve air without telling him that she loves him.

She isn't sure that she should love him anymore.

· · ─────── ·𖥸· ─────── · ·

a/n - oops. sorry. this is what happens when i turn things into a series sometimes (remember y'all wanted this)

MASTERLIST

REQUEST GUIDELINES

PART ONE | PART THREE

[dixons-sunshine]

Imagine this…. for the young daryl X young reader au

Reader has a camcorder which she carries around when her and daryl go on little trips and they end up finding it again after years for whatever reason and it’s a nice little fluffy scene where they relive earlier times together before everything

A Trip Down Memory Lane | Daryl Dixon x Fem!Reader

*GIF isn't mine.*

Summary: While unpacking your things for your new apartment with Daryl, you stumbled across an old video camera you had used to film little moments between you and Daryl in your teen years. A visit down memory lane gives Daryl the push he needed to ask you something important.

Genre: Fluff.

Era: Pre outbreak.

Part of the Shopping Spree, Hangout Dreams universe.

Warnings: Swearing.

Word count: 1.5k

A/n: This request was so cute! I hope you don't mind that I paired it with another idea I had. It just seemed like it would fit perfectly. And I made Daryl romantic in this because he's a romantic deep down.

➳༻❀✿❀༺➳

“Dear god, what the fuck was I thinking? That style was horrible!”

Daryl laughed at your comment, pulling you closer into his side. “I think ya looked cute. Kinda like Minnie Mouse in a way.”

“That doesn't make it any less horrible. Polka dots and frilly pink headbands are not my thing,” you laughed, skipping to the next video on the video camera you had found.

You and Daryl were in the midst of unpacking the boxes with all of your things. The two of you had just recently found a cheap enough apartment to rent and were busy organising everything when you had stumbled upon an old video camera that you had used when you were teenagers. Everything else was quickly forgotten as you and Daryl sat in the middle of what should be the living room, surrounded by a bunch of boxes as you took a trip down memory lane.

“Fuck, please tell me tha' ain't me,” Daryl groaned when a younger version of him appeared on the screen. “Jesus, buddy. Ya ever heard of sunlight? It'd do ya good to work on yer tan. Ya look like a fuckin' sheet of paper.”

You chuckled at the comment, nodding your head in agreement. “You do kinda look pale in this.”

“Looks like I needed at least 50 blood transfusions. M'surprised I didn't drop dead back then,” Daryl agreed, shaking his head in disapproval of his former self. “Can't believe s'already been a decade. Feels like jus' yesterday when we were back in yer mom's trailer.”

“Time flies. Now we're moving in to what is hopefully our last apartment for a while. You've got a great job down at that motorcycle repair shop and I've got a great teaching gig,” you replied, placing the video camera down next to you.

Daryl nodded. “Mhm,” he agreed, before giving you a playful smile. “Dun' know 'bout yer gig, though. Those five year olds are gremlins. They're gon' eat ya alive when ya start on Monday. Ya dun' stand a chance.”

You faked an offended gasp and shoved him lightly, eliciting a laugh from him. “I'll have you know, Mr Dixon, that I'm more than capable of handling a couple of five year olds. I've been doing it for two years.”

Daryl smiled and pulled you closer into his side, placing a kiss on the top of your head. “Yeah, I know. S'those high schoolers yer plannin' on teachin' one day tha's gon' eat ya up. Teenagers are the real ones ya should look out for.”

“Luckily that won't be for a while. I'm quite content on just teaching the little ones for now,” you responded, nuzzling your face into his chest. “And teenagers aren't that bad. Most of them are just misunderstood. Some of them are in situations a lot like—”

Despite cutting yourself off, Daryl knew exactly what you meant. If it were any other person, Daryl would've gotten pissed, but it wasn't just any other person. It was you, the love of his life, the person who's stuck with him despite everything, because of everything. He wouldn't fault you for one slip up. God only knows he'd said so much worse a couple of years ago, but you forgave him.

You were amazing to him like that.

“Situations a lot like wha' I went through,” Daryl finished for you, letting out a deep sigh.

“Sorry,” you hurriedly apologised, pulling back slightly to look into your boyfriend's eyes. “I didn't mean to bring it up. I—”

A tender kiss to your lips shut you up instantly. When Daryl pulled back, he gave you a reassuring smile. The last thing he wanted was for you to feel like he'd get mad at you for one minor slip of the tongue.

“S'alrigh',” he reassured you. “M'not mad. And yer righ'. There's way too many kids tha' go through wha' I went through. Tha's why any highschool would be lucky to have ya. Ya could help a lot of kids in situations like tha'. No, ya will help a lot of kids in situations like tha'. Jus' like ya helped me.”

You smiled and gently cupped his cheek, bringing him into a sweet kiss. “I love you,” you whispered when you pulled away, resting your forehead against his.

“I love ya too. More than ya'll ever know,” he responded, before pulling away and reaching for something in his pocket. “But maybe this will give ya a glimmer of how much I love ya.”

You gasped in surprise, happy tears welling up in your eyes. A choked up laugh escaped you, ecstasy flooding through your body as your eyes flickered between the man you loved and the small, round object he held delicately between his fingers.

A ring.

“I know this ain't the most expensive ring out there, and it dun' have some big diamond in the middle tha's worth more than this apartment, but m'hopin' s'enough. If I could get a better one, I would, and I will someday. Someday when I finally get promoted and yer teachin' high schoolers, when we dun' have to worry 'bout rent and shit like tha'.”

You smiled through your tears, another small laugh escaping. “Daryl—”

“Nah, please let me finish 'fore I chicken out,” he cut you off. When you nodded, he continued. “Ya've always been there fer me. Ever since we were twelve and ya started joinin' me by tha' river. When I needed ya the most, ya were always there with a reassurin' smile and a willin' ear. Then ya became my girlfriend ten years ago, and despite everythin', ya've stuck with me. Despite my outbursts, my baggage, my brother...”

You laughed at that. “I really don't like your brother.”

Daryl chuckled and nodded. “I know, but ya stayed. Fer ten years now, ya've been by my side. Yer my best friend, my partner in crime, the love of my life, and there's no one I wanna spend the rest of my days with than the beautiful, kind, funny, smart woman right in front of me. Yer my ray of sunshine, the one who always manages to make me feel better.”

Daryl adjusted himself until he was on one knee in front of you. Your breath got caught in your throat, and you scrambled to sit on your knees, your eyes sparkling in wonder as the ring glinted in the light.

“Sunshine, would ya do me the honour of bein' my wife?”

Words completely eluded you at that moment. You quickly grabbed his face and brought him into a kiss, that particular kiss conveying more than words ever could. When you pulled away, you smiled softly at him.

“Yes, I'll marry you. You didn't even have to ask.”

Daryl let out a sigh of relief and pulled you into his arms, hugging you tightly. “God, tha' was nerve wrackin'.”

You laughed as you pulled away from the hug. “I bet. You know, for a man of few words, that speech was kind of incredible. It definitely beat the one I had planned for you.”

Daryl frowned in confusion. “Wha' speech fer me?”

Nervously, you reached into your own pocket and pulled out a silver band. Daryl's eyes widened in surprise as you showed him the ring you had.

“I was kinda getting fed up with waiting for you to pop the question, so I was gonna take matters into my own hands.”

Daryl let out a laugh of surprise and shook his head. “Wow,” he mused. “Gender roles be damned, huh?”

“Damn straight,” you agreed, before motioning to the ring in his hand. “You can slip the ring on my finger, Mr Dixon.”

Complying with your request, he slipped the ring onto your finger. Before you even had to ask, Daryl extended his left hand to you. You smiled and slipped his own ring onto his finger.

Looking at the ring, Daryl smiled fondly. “Ya continue to surprise me everyday, Mrs Dixon.”

“I'm not a Dixon yet,” you reminded him, allowing him to pull you into his arms for the millionth time that day. “But I could be one soon. Maybe tomorrow, even.”

“Ya suggestin' we elope?” he asked, raising his eyebrows at the idea—an idea that sounded absolutely perfect to him. “Yer mom would kill us if she found out.”

“Well,” you began, admiring the ring on your finger. “It's better to ask for forgiveness than permission. Besides, we don't need some elaborate wedding to show how much we love each other. All we need is each other, and someone willing to officiate. We can go to the courthouse tomorrow.”

“Tha' sounds absolutely perfect,” Daryl agreed, pressing a kiss to your head.

“By the way, if you buy me another ring in the future to replace this one, I will be pissed. This ring is perfect.”

“Whatever makes ya happy, Mrs Dixon. I love ya.”

“I love you too.”

[littlexscarletxwitch]

Hi, would you be able to do a mutual pining yelena x avenger!reader kinda thing where yelena has been ignoring reader because she doesn’t know to how to deal with her feelings and when reader confronts her, yelena admits that she likes her? Mainly angst with fluff at the end if possible. Love your fics!!

── ༊*·˚⋆ 𝗶 𝗿𝗲𝗮𝗹𝗹𝘆 𝗳𝘂𝗰𝗸𝗶𝗻𝗴 𝗹𝗶𝗸𝗲 𝘆𝗼𝘂

paring: yelena belova x fem!reader

tag(s): fluff, some angst, mutual pinning, nat being the big sis

warning(s): yel having a hard time admitting her feelings, grammatical errors, unedited

word count: 1.8k

note: Soooooo sorry it took me soooo long to post this. I FUCKING LOVED THIS REQUEST btw. Also guys, it's taking me so long to post fic because a) my laptop is just a bitch and won't work, and b) I guess I'm going through a writer's block and it's kinda hard to find the motivation to write. But I'll try my best. Lots of love, M <3

requests are open! + check my rules + masterlist <3

Your legs were sore, you couldn't feel your arms anymore and you were gasping for air, but it wasn’t over until one of you was down.

“Can’t we take a break?” you whined out as you tried dodging Yelena’s fist but still made contact with your body and you groaned out in pain. 

“Focus, Y/n,” Steve called out, before Yelena would punch again. 

You knew she was holding back, measuring her strength, she always would when training with you. And you didn’t know if you found that reassuring or mocking. You kicked her in the stomach, but it still did not affect her, it was quite the opposite really. 

“That’s all you got?”

“Why? Wanna try something else?” you teasingly said while winking at her. 

You got her off guard, she wasn’t expecting your cocky self to show up while training, and seized the moment to swift her off her feet and got on top of her. 

“Was this what you had in mind?”

Your hands quickly found her wrists while your body pressed into her abdomen pushing her down so she wouldn’t get out of your hold. 

“Okay, I think it’s enough,” Steve called out, sensing you had gone off track. 

Both you and Yelena knew that she could easily get out of your hold, but still it took her two minutes to do so. You didn’t want to let her go that easily, you felt your whole body burning just by the thought of her skin against yours, still you stood up and got on moving before the two of you could have a say on what just had happened. 

That was how it always went with Yelena, one moment you had the courage to openly flirt with her and a second later you would run back to your dorm second guessing the whole interaction. You wanted to do more, each and every time, but she was so nonchalant about you flirting with her that you convinced yourself that it was just that, a flirty friendship. 

And most of the time you were okay with it, playing dumb about your own feelings. But then shit like that would happen, you would brush her skin, or would make her laugh, or just look at her, and the thought of a friendship would fly out of your mind. That was why you would lock up in your room, trying to calm and persuade yourself to not let your stupid feelings get in the way. 

And the same stupid thing would happen to Yelena, which you didn’t know about. 

“You want to talk about it?” Yelena heard her sister's voice as she watched you heading out the training room. 

“I wasn’t holding back, I swear.”

“Not about your punching,” she raised her brow at her little sister. 

“There’s nothing to talk about,” Yelena shrugged it off as she grabbed her bottle of water and took a big sip. 

“Lena, I know you,” Natasha took advantage of the fact that her sister was chugging down water. “I know we don’t do feelings, we don’t trust people. But that was the old us, that was the red room. We have to put that shitty part of our lives behind us for good.”

“And I have,” Yelena scoffed. 

“Then why haven't you done something about it?” Yelena knew her sister meant you, she didn’t have to clarify. “At least, give it a go,” Natasha sighed. “If not for you, then for her.”

“She doesn’t—.”

“You never know, Lena. Neither will she, if you don’t tell her,” and with that Natasha left her sister to her own thoughts.

“Suka,” she mumbled under her breath, because Natasha was right. She was always right about everything, it was the power that came with being a big sister—her big sister—, and she hated it when she was right. 

She knew she had to do something about it, about you. But the fear of rejection, of feeling unwanted felt too much to bear. She wasn’t going to open up her heart just for someone else to crush it. But maybe, just maybe she could trust you not to crush it. 

[...]

Still, it was easier said than done. It took her a full week to finally come to the conclusion that she was, actually, madly in love with you. A week full of stress and anxiety because deep down she felt like she didn’t deserve to have these feelings towards you. 

And now that she knew exactly how she felt about you, it fucking terrified her. So she did what she thought was best and put some space in between the two of you. The thought of you clouded her brain and it was starting to affect her line of work, and she couldn’t have that. Being part of the avengers gave her life meaning, and she was not going to let her stupid feelings ruin that for her. Even though she wanted to be close to you, and just melt into your arms.

Of course, her coldness didn’t go unnoticed by you. You were confused, though. It wasn’t like Yelena to just shut you out. Even though you wanted more than just a friendship out of her, you wanted to consider yourself a friend of hers and it hurt that she was just avoiding you. 

You didn’t know what was going on, she just felt out of your reach. You asked her sister about it, she just told you to give her space and she would be okay, before muttering something under her breath and went on with her day. You asked Kate and she just completely avoided the topic and changed the subject.

The more she didn’t talk to you, not even glance at your direction, the more you felt like you had done something wrong, maybe she had found out about your feelings and now she was avoiding you because of them. She probably felt uncomfortable about them, she probably wanted nothing to do with you. And who were you to decide otherwise?

You talked to Steve, making sure to not have more training lessons with her, only to find out she had already asked the same thing. You knew it was stupid to feel as if your heart was breaking since you wanted the same thing, but it did feel like shattering to pieces. You just nodded, a tight smile finding its way to your lips and went to your room before shedding any tears. 

This whole thing was bullshit. Yes, maybe she didn’t feel the same way you did about her. But the both of you were full grown-ups, you should be professional about it and act like nothing had happened. Because in reality it didn’t, not that you were aware of it. So you decided that you were going to give her a piece of your mind. 

You searched for her throughout the entire building and finally found her in the training room. Of course she was there, you should have thought of coming there earlier. 

For a trained assassin she didn’t notice your presence, too caught up in her own mind, focusing on her breathing and throwing punches at the boxing bag. 

You cleared your throat. “Got a minute?”

She looked over her shoulder, finally acknowledging you there, and you swore you watched as her whole body just tensed up by the sound of your voice. 

“I’m kinda busy right now,” she mumbled before throwing two more punches. 

“It won’t take long,” you insisted, wanting to get this over with. 

“Look, I really need to—.”

You cut her off. “I don’t know who told you or how you found out, but yes, it’s true, okay?” you finally got her attention. “I just thought you would be professional enough to not let this get in the way and pretend like nothing happened. Which is what I also wish for.”

“What are you talking about?”

“You avoiding me,” you quickly mumbled, a tint of concussion in your tone. “I get it, but let’s just put this behind us and act like propper adults.”

“No, I’m aware of that part,” she scoffed, embarrassed to admit to you what she had been up to. “What I mean is, what have I found out?”

Your brows furrowed. “About my… me… and you,” you gave yourself a second to think her words through. “Hold on a second, you don’t know?” 

“What don’t I know?”

“You don’t,” you finally added two plus two and realised that Yelena had no recollection whatsoever about your feelings, but still something was off. “Why have you been avoiding me then?”

You watched her as her mouth opened and closed, searching for the right words. 

“What did I ever do to you for you to completely avoid me, huh?”

“You did nothing, I just…”

“You just what?” you scoffed, now anger filling your tone. “You just decided it was fun to ignore me?”

“No! God, no.”

“Then what is it?!” the two of you were pretty much screaming at each other. 

“Because I like you, damn it!” she finally confessed. “Is it so hard to see?”

Your eyes winded. “You like me? You have been avoiding me because you like me?”

“I know, not my brightest moment. But it's just that you… you just…” she gestured to her brain. “You’re just stuck here, and I can’t get you out. At first I was scared to admit my own feelings to myself,” she took a deep breath. “But then Tasha said something and it made me realise that there’s nothing wrong with having feelings. But then I had to admit to myself that I really fucking like you. And I just… I just got scared because you might not feel the same way, and you might just push me away,” another deep breath. “And I decided that I would push you away first… and so I did.”

“So you like me.”

“Yes,” her brows furrowed.  “Was that all you got?”

“I mean… it’s the part that matters most,” you grinned at her. 

“What do you mean?”

“I really fucking like you too,” you said cupping her cheeks. “I thought you knew and that was why you were avoiding me. But now I get it, I make you nervous,” you said teasingly. 

“I wouldn’t use that word…” you rolled your eyes before shutting her off with your lips, finally giving in and kissing her. 

“I’ve been wanting to do that for a while now,” you whispered over her lips as you deepened the kiss. 

Her lips were soft and rough, and they had some saltiness to them due to her being all sweaty. But you didn’t mind at all, in fact you really like it. 

“Remember last time we were here?” you whispered in her ear, trailing a path of kiss down her jaw and neck. 

“You mean… that time we last trained?” she sounded breathlessly and it sent a shiver down your whole body. 

“If I remember correctly, which I know I do…” you gently bit her skin earning a hiss out of her lips. “You were on the grown and I was on top of you, remember?”

“Yes…” she said as her fingers ran through your hair. 

“Want to pick up where we left it off?”

Likes, comments and reblogs are appreciated! <3

-M

[cowgurrrl]

Keep the Wolves Away

Pairing: Joel Miller x fem!reader

Author's note: Dedicated to my real life Andies. Thank you for making me feel easy to love.

Summary: The worst decision [5.2k]

Warnings: platonic threatening, discussions of bad mental health, so much flirting that (spoiler alert) might be real, possible THE shittiest ex I ever could've written, all the southern pet names, alcohol consumption, the resurgence of an old nude of readers, gaslighty behavior, smoking cigarettes (don't smoke kids), Joel talking reader out of a spiral, two (2) kisses

"So, it's a date." Andie declares once you're done explaining everything to her over FaceTime. You pause your blush application to roll your eyes at her. 

"It's not a date!"

"I'm sorry, so I'm just supposed to believe you when you say you're going to be just friends with the hot, sweet single dad who sounds like he's head over heels for you?"

"He is not head over heels for me." You sound a little petulant, and Andie laughs like she did when you were in high school and trying to hide a crush from her. 

"Babe, he willingly went on a high school field trip just so he could see you."

"His daughter was there. I'm sure he wanted to spend time with her."

"I'm sure he did because he's a great dad, but he also wanted to see you in your element. It's sexy watching someone do the thing they love." 

"Yeah, yeah." You brush her off, and she scoffs. You toss your makeup brush back into its bag and check out your outfit in the mirror. It's nothing insane— just a plain black slip dress— but now that Joel's arrival is getting closer and closer, you're rethinking everything. "Do I look okay?"

"You look stunning!" Andie chirps. "I'm sure your not boyfriend will think the same thing."

"I'm going to get a plane ticket to Austria just so I can choke you out with my own two hands." You threaten, but she laughs so hard you can't stop smiling. Once the trans-Atlantic giggling dies down, the line goes quiet, and you take a deep breath as you pull your mascara out. 

"Are you nervous to see him?" She asks gently. Andie came home for the summer dubbed The Dark Days. She stayed over when the one-bedroom apartment felt too big and got you out of the house when you couldn't stand the four walls anymore. She took whatever he left behind to his new apartment so you wouldn't have to (and gave him a piece of her mind while she was at it). She made you believe in love again. Not sticky, frustrating, unpredictable romantic love but pure, easy, all-knowing love that can only come from long-enduring relationships such as yours. 

For a long time after he left, you thought you were hard to love. Too loud, too bright, too much. Until you were out at a bar with her one night, trying to find the remnants of your independence and self-esteem tucked under sweaty beers and cracked leather chairs, when someone pointed out how similar you and Andie were. "Like two sides of the same coin," the woman told you. Andie is one of the easiest people in the world to love with her quick wit, creativity, and smile. And you realized for the first time if you had even a shred of that, even if only by dint of knowing and being loved by her, then you must be easy to love too. You must be worth the mess and heartache and stained fingerprints. 

So, yeah, Andie was less than pleased to hear that all that hard work could be undone by seeing him again, but she was supportive. 

"I don't know," you sigh. "I'm not a kid anymore. I've had more years without him than I did with him, but it's still scary."

"I know." 

"I don't even know what I'm gonna say to him."

"He'll probably be too busy with the gallery and everything. Maybe you won't even have to." She says, and you groan at the uncertainty of everything. 

"God, why did I say yes?" You ask as a knock interrupts your whining. You end your call with a quick "I love you, thank you, I'll text you" before throwing your phone down. "Come in!" You yell from the bathroom as you rapidly finish doing your makeup. There's a pause on the other side before he jiggles the knob and finally comes in. "I'm just finishing up in the bathroom. Give me a minute." 

"D'you always leave your door unlocked?" Joel asks. The sound of his unsure footsteps reaches your ears, and you smile at the thought of him looking around your apartment like a lost toddler. 

"Only when I know someone's coming over," you say. "Sorry, it's a mess."

"Oh, this is nothin'. You should see Ellie's room." He says, his feet pacing the floor. You swipe on a cute lipstick you never wear and finally step out into the living room where Joel is waiting. He's wearing a black button-up shirt with nice pants as he stands with his back to you, looking at some of the things on your wall. 

"Well, don't you look nice?" You compliment, making him turn around with a shy smile. His eyes roam over you, taking in every detail or sliver of skin he hasn't seen before. His intense gaze reminds you of how he looked at you in the bar when you were sure his eyes would melt you. He looks dumbstruck, and his Adam's apple bobs when his eyes finally settle on your face. 

"Wow… you look-"

"Choose carefully." You tease to take some of the tension out of the room. 

"Beautiful," he says, thwarting your efforts. "You always look beautiful." 

"Thank you. Not so bad yourself." 

"You like it? Ellie helped me pick it out," he anxiously fiddles with the sleeves of his shirt. "Feels weird." 

"What specifically feels weird?" You ask, stepping closer to him to examine his outfit. He smells like aftershave and the cologne he's prone to wearing. Why the fuck do you have his cologne memorized, you think to yourself. 

"I dunno. I think I just feel outta place." 

"Well, you don't look out of place," you say. "These might be what's doing it, though." You tap the top buttons of his shirt, the ones buttoned all the way up to his chin like a toddler going to Christmas mass. 

"Ellie said I should do all of 'em since it's a fancy art thing."

"Well, you should stop taking fashion advice from a fifteen-year-old," you laugh. "I promise it's not fancy enough to justify being uncomfortable." 

"I'm takin' your word for it." He says as he reaches up to undo his top two buttons, revealing freckles across his chest and collarbones and the tiniest sliver of a gold chain resting against his throat. For some reason, you can't tear your eyes away from the veins in his neck or the delicate necklace stuck to his warm skin. "What, it really looks that bad?" He thankfully breaks through your thoughts, and you try to recover by shaking your head.

"No, no. Not at all. You look really nice," you say, clearing your throat. "Let me get my purse, and we can go." You don't even wait for him to respond. You just turn on your heels and walk to your bedroom. In the security of your bedroom, you let out a long exhale and try to get your mind back on track. 

You're just nervous. He's being nice. You're being nice back. It's nothing. It's nothing. It's nothing, you mentally chant. When you catch a glimpse of yourself in the mirror, you almost have to laugh at the fierce blush on your cheeks and the distracted look in your eyes. "You better get it together." You say, pointing at yourself in the mirror like it's gonna do anything to make tonight smoother.

The gallery is packed when you get there. Joel curses under his breath as he tries to find a parking spot, and you try to keep your anxiety at bay. All you have to do is show your face, look at the paintings, and leave. Maybe you can manage to steal a bottle of the cheap wine they're undoubtedly serving. It'll be an hour. Two tops. You can do this. 

You're so in your head that you didn't notice that Joel parked the car or that he was looking at you until he bumped your knee with his. 

"You okay?" He asks. You take a deep breath and nod.

"Just need a second." You mumble. You fiddle with your earrings, your dress, anything to keep your hands busy as you psyche yourself up. 

"When's the last time you saw this asshole?"

"He wasn't always an asshole," you try to redirect, but he raises his eyebrows at you. "Since I graduated college." 

"We don't have to go in." He offers easily, and you give him a look. 

"Yes, we do. My name's on the list and everything." 

"So?" He shrugs. "The world's not gonna end just cause one person didn't show up."

"But you drove all the way here."

"And I can drive you all the way back. Besides, it's nice having a pretty girl in my truck. It wouldn't hurt to have you here next to me for a little while longer." He says, and you laugh, feeling some weight lift off your shoulders.

"You get many pretty girls sitting in your truck?"

"Just my pretty girls." 

"Right." You say, and he smiles, creating familiar crinkles in the corners of his eyes. They look a little deeper in the moonlight, but his eyes shine differently. Your fingers itch to draw them if only to critique your work and find the answer to why he has such an effect on you. You're aware that you're staring, but you also can't find it in yourself to look away. Not when he's staring back at you so fondly. 

"What can I do to help you?" He asks. You feel like you could cry at the sincerity in his voice. You've talked to Ellie about her anxiety, so you know he has some practice in dealing with it, but he's acting like it's second nature. Like this is what he was meant to do. He bumps you again when you start messing with your purse. "Do you want this to be like at the bar? Do you want me to take you home and pretend like we were never here? Do you want me to go in there and crack some skulls? You say the word— any word— and I'll do it for you, darlin'." 

Darlin’. It's what he called you when you promised revenge for almost kissing you at the bar. Normally, you'd be against any form of pet name. Henry was not openly affectionate in that way, and you learned not to expect it from him. But here's Joel, dropping the term of endearment almost every time he's been alone with you. It could be that cowboy accent or his knee pressed against yours, but the nickname fills your chest with warmth and pushes away your anxiety. 

"Any word, huh?" You ask, and he chuckles. 

"My mama raised me not to make promises I didn't have every intention of followin' through on." He says. "What'll it be?"

"I think… I just need you to be there with me." 

"Then, that's what I'll do." 

"Okay." You mumble, and he smiles as a new wave of comfort washes over you. 

"Okay." He says.

"Okay." You take a deep breath and look at him in the driver's seat one more time. "Let's do this." Finally, you open the door and step down from his truck. He's quick to come to your side and offer you his arm before he can even finish locking the car. You smile, tuck your hand under his bicep, and let him keep you upright as you walk in. 

The gallery is full of people who look way more qualified than you— art critics, journalists, and other artists who can actually sell a piece. They barely glance at you and Joel when you breach the doorway, which you're silently grateful for. When a waiter walks by with champagne glasses, Joel quickly snatches two glasses from the tray and hands you one. 

"Here's to us." He says, and you cock an eyebrow at him. 

"Us?"

"Well, we're sure as hell not toastin' to that asshole, are we?" 

"I guess not," you laugh as you clink your glasses together. "To us." You each take a sip, and Joel tries to hide his reaction to the champagne, but you see right through it. "Not your speed?"

"Not at all." He groans as he chokes it down. 

"Don't worry, maverick, we'll get you something else later." You promise and tuck your hand back under his arm as you start walking through the gallery. 

A lot of his newer work resembles his work from college— normal portraits of things like fruits, beds, or people but with unexpected lines of colors lining them like they're vibrating. You even recognize some from your college days. You just never expected them to actually be displayed in this way, not even when you were dating and telling him what a good artist you thought he was. Some have vague titles like "$12" and "Jack," while others are untitled. You can see why it would get taken in by a gallery. There's a very clear skill in how he paints and manipulates everyday objects into something new. It would be impressive if it was interesting. 

Maybe you're just used to the way he paints. Maybe this is exactly what you expected of him. Maybe you thought he would've grown, if not in attitude than, at least, in skill. But it's clear that too many people told him good things about his work, and he saw nothing he needed to change or fix. Somehow, it makes you feel better, not worse, about your own art. 

"So, are these supposed to be good or bad?" Joel whispers to you as you get closer to the next section, and you laugh a little too loudly. The people around you give you nasty looks, but you can't find it in yourself to be sorry.

"Like I said at the museum, I can't tell you that, but…" you glance around to make sure nobody's listening to you. "As someone who saw him make a lot of art, this is definitely not his best."

"Okay, that's what I thought," he says before pointing at a specific part of the painting. "The shape is really weird right there, like he ran outta space or somethin'." You let go of his arm and step between him and the painting, smiling knowingly.

"Did you study for this?" You ask, and he nervously plays with the chain around his neck. 

"I may have… snuck a look at Ellie's notes." He admits sheepishly, and your eyes widen. 

"You were actin' like you were gonna have to rely on me this whole time! You don't need me to tell you what good art is!"

"Yeah, but I want you to." 

"Oh, whatever. C'mon, I wanna hear what else you think." You pretty much drag him to the next section of the gallery, but he's pliant and almost giddy at your hold on him. You take more time in the next part, and he ducks so his lips are near your ear to point out little things he notices. He said he was scared of being wrong in front of people "smarter than him," but all the observations he makes are valid and accurate. He lets you add your own analysis to his and watches you with a smile when you start talking with your hands excitedly. Suddenly, you're not nearly as miserable as you thought you would be, and you're even laughing together as you jump from painting to painting. 

"See, this isn't so bad!" You say as you move to the final part, but your smile and enthusiasm die when you step over the threshold. There, staring at you unashamedly is the painting Henry did of you when you were twenty and topless. He told you it was for his own artistic development, and you were more than happy to do it for him. You just never thought he would've kept it after all these years. Thank God your face isn't visible in the painting, but your rigid posture tells Joel everything he needs to know. He politely turns his back to the painting and steps between you and your likeness. 

"You wanna go?" He whispers at the same time someone calls your name. You take a deep breath and grab Joel's hand for support as you turn around and face Henry. His wavy blonde hair frames his face like it did in college but he's matured. His beard is a little more filled in, and he's gotten a little broader. Other than that, he's still the same person you met freshman year. 

"I'm so glad you could make it!" He says as he approaches. He doesn't try to hug you, and you don't move to let go of Joel's hand. "You look great. I mean, you always looked great, but you know what I meant," he says, looking over you. Only when Joel clears his throat does Henry even look at him. "Oh, sorry, man! We're old friends. I'm Henry." He holds his hand out for Joel to meet halfway, but he doesn't. You think it probably took fighting every single bit of southern hospitality in his veins to stop himself from shaking Henry's hand.

"'M Joel." He says, and Henry awkwardly drops his hand. 

"Nice to meet you, Joel. How are you enjoying the exhibition?" 

"'S alright." Is all Joel offers, not willing to gas up Henry's ego anymore, and you have to stifle a laugh at the expectant look on Henry's face. "Well, I think we were just goin'."

"Oh, so soon? You haven't even seen the last few pieces."

"Are those any better than the thirty identical ones I already saw?"

"Joel," you scold quietly, and his jaw flexes when you look at him.

"It's okay. Not everyone understands art enough to enjoy it." Henry says. 

"Oh, I understand everythin' just fine." You swear Joel would've punched him if he wasn't holding your hand so tight. You step in between them and raise your eyebrows at Joel. His shoulders are squared, and you can feel the molten anger rolling off him, but it softens just a bit when he meets your eyes. You squeeze him twice to let him know you're okay, and he nods. 

"Can you get me a refill on champagne? I think they're still walkin' around with some." You suggest. He gets the hint, but he obviously doesn't like it. He glances between you and Henry like he's trying to make a decision but folds when you mouth, "please," at him. 

"’Course," he says through gritted teeth. "Anythin' else I can get for you, baby?" Baby, that's a new one, you think. 

"No, I'm alright. Thanks, though." You say. Without thinking, you let your other hand rest on his jaw and kiss Joel's cheek. His jaw unclenches when your fingertips graze his stubble, and his shoulders relax when your lips make contact with his skin, but you know he's still upset because you're still upset. Joel smiles and walks away before you can get a good look at the blush creeping up his neck, and you're resigned to watching him disappear into the crowd. 

"He seems nice," Henry says the second Joel is out of earshot, and you have to resist the urge to laugh. 

"He is." 

"How'd you two meet?"

"Through work." You say, knowing that bringing up teaching will make his skin crawl. He sucks his teeth and nods, the champagne in his glass sloshing slightly.

"Ah," he says. "That's nice."

"Yeah," you agree. An awkward silence falls over the two of you quickly, and you're itching to find Joel in the sea of people. Henry notices your lack of attention on him.

"It's really good to see you," he says. "I feel like I haven't talked to you in forever."

"Yeah, that's usually what happens when you leave someone." 

"That's kinda why I invited you here tonight. I wanted to apologize for the way things ended," he acts brokenhearted and torn up about it, but he's years too late for the pity party he's expecting. "I should've talked to you about what was going on. We were just... becoming so different, and it felt like you were always talking to Andie or other people in the program, and there was no way to reach you."

"What are you talking about? I asked you multiple times if we were okay, and you said yes every time. I was talking to Andie so much because I needed someone who would understand me and be able to help." You say, and he waves his hand like he's swatting flies.

"Let's not do this. My therapist says it's not healthy to rehash the past like this. I just wanted to make amends and let you know I'm sorry for how you felt." It's not an apology. Not a real one, anyway. Jesus Christ, what did you ever see in him? Before you can even open your mouth to say something, he gestures to the gallery. "So, what do you think about all this? Crazy, right?"

"It's... something," you say. "Wish you would've given me a heads up about that one before I brought someone with me." You point in the direction of your half-naked body on the wall, and he gives you a confused look.

"I thought I did in the email." 

"Nope, I think I would've remembered if you said something about a half-naked painting of me from college being displayed," you shake your head. "Why do you even still have that? I thought you would've thrown it away or painted over it or something."

"Why would I do that? It's a good piece."

"I know it's good because it's my body. What's weird is you leaving me without a word one day and then keeping a naked picture of me all these years." 

"I didn't even think of it as your body. After a while, it was just a body," he says with no remorse, and you think you might hit him yourself. "Besides, you should take this as a compliment. Not many women get the opportunity to be depicted as art. It's a wonderful thing. You might even thank me one day when you're older." Finally, you see Joel walking toward you with a glass of champagne, and you take refuge in the fact that he's returning for you. "But, from what I can see, they've definitely stayed the same, so you probably don't have anything to worry about." He says like it's a secret or a compliment. You don't even wait for Joel to say or do anything. You just grab the wine from him and throw it in Henry's face. The people in the immediate vicinity gasp as you slap him and shove the empty glass into his hands. 

"Out of all the stupid things I imagined for myself when I was younger, thinking I would marry you was the stupidest," you spit. "Don't you ever try to fucking contact me again."

You feel like a fucking idiot. What did you expect? An apology? Repentance? Regret? He barely apologized when you were together. Why would he start now? God, was he always that bad? How could you have been so blind? How could you have shed so many tears over him? How could you have let yourself be so vulnerable with him and for so many years? It's a miracle he didn't call the cops and try to get the two of you arrested, even though Joel didn't do anything. You think, at least. The second you finished your sentence, you ran to the bathroom to cry and then snuck out through the back to wait outside Joel's truck. For all you know, Joel (rightfully) beat his ass and is on the run from artsy Austin hipsters. 

You put the lit cigarette back in your mouth and take a long drag, the familiar burning in your lungs a sick relief. You quit during The Dark Days because smoking was something he did, and you wanted to rid yourself of any reminder of his impact on your life. Apparently, at the same time you were scrubbing his fingerprints from your bones, he was in possession of and doing God knows what with the visual reminder of your vulnerability and love-sickness and acted like it was nothing. Like it was a compliment. Like it was just an object instead of your body. Andie would be pissed if she were here but especially if she saw you smoking after she braved all those shaky days and nights of nicotine patches and dried fruit and whatever other remedy recommended to help you quit smoking. You half-expect the same anger when you see Joel walking toward you. 

"Before you even start, I know I shouldn't, okay? It's a bad habit from when I was a kid, and I've mostly kicked it. I just... had a lapse. I'll be back on my best behavior tomorrow," you say as he stops in front of you. He doesn't look angry or upset. He just looks concerned and maybe even a little sad. Suddenly, you regret running away from him when all he probably wanted to do was help. You probably wouldn't have bummed a cigarette from a busboy if you let him. "Don't tell Ellie." You plead. His eyes flick over your face before he takes the cigarette from your fingers, puts the lipstick-stained filter in his own mouth, and inhales deeply, making the ember glow in the dark of the night. When he exhales, he blows the smoke away from you and lets the wind carry it in the opposite direction. A considerate smoker. You should've guessed.

"Don't tell Ellie," he says, handing the cigarette back to you. "Are you okay?"

You shake your head and take a long drag. It's quiet between you two for a while, the only sound being the cicadas and the distant chatter of the gallery. They're probably still talking about the psycho bitch who threw her wine in the artist's face. You don't really care. "I'm sorry for tonight. I don't know what I was expecting, and I sure as shit didn't know that painting was gonna be displayed. I swear, if I had any idea how bad this was gonna be, I wouldn't have invited you." 

"Why are you apologizin'? It's not your fault." 

"I shouldn't have roped you into this. I should've just said no, ignored the email, or came by myself. It's not fair that you got put in the middle of all this, especially when you were just trying to be nice. You're the parent of one of my students, and for you to see that side of me is just inappropriate. I just-" he stops your rambling by putting his hands on your shoulders and making you look at him, the cigarette falling to the pavement in the process. 

"Hey, hey. Stop. Take a breath." He says. Your head hurts from crying, and part of you wants to crawl into a hole and stay there until these feelings go away, but his eyes are gentle, and his hands are warm. You think he might be the only reason you're holding it together right now. "None of this is your fault, okay? Not the painting, not the conversation, none of it. We're both adults, and we can handle these things rationally. I'm not scarred for life just 'cause you lost your temper."

"But I-"

"No, buts. You told me the situation, and I didn't care. You warned me bout the art people, and I didn't care. You threw a drink in that asshole's face, and I didn't care," he says. "The only thing I care bout right now is makin' sure you're okay. Fuck everythin' else." You search his face for anything to tell you what he's telling you is going against his inner monologue but find none. He's completely and wholly concerned about you and nothing else. Not how fast he can get out of this. Not how this might look. Not what other people might think about him. Nothing. You take a deep breath and nod.

"Fuck everything else." You agree. 

"Now, you're gettin' the hang of it." He jokes, and you roll your eyes at him. He takes it in stride, his smile never fading as he looks down at you. You stop messing with the hem of your dress and let yourself relax for the first time all night.

"Thank you for being here, Joel. I really appreciate it."

"Not our best not-date, but definitely a memorable one." He says, and you laugh. You seem to realize how close you are at the same time because you both fall silent. His curls are beautifully draped over his face, and you can't stop watching his tiny expressions. An eye squint. A purse of the lips. A bite to the inside of his cheek. You want to blame your bad night or the emotions, but you can't. There's something more there. Something that's been brewing beneath the surface since he came into your classroom. Something that will kill you if you don't act on it.

You let your hands come up from your sides and tentatively brush against his waist as you stare at him, waiting for him to say something, but he doesn't. He just stares down at your lips, and the hands on your shoulders slowly move across your skin and up your collarbone— leaving goosebumps in his wake— until his hands are on your jaw and your pulse is thrumming against his palm. You pull him closer by his belt loops, and he doesn't hesitate to crowd your space, pushing you into the side of his truck with his body. His lips ghost over yours, just barely touching, and his nose bumps yours. 

"This is a bad idea," you breathe, tightening your hold on him. He nods and presses his forehead against yours. He's still close enough to breathe the same air as him, but the distance feels like miles. You lean forward a fraction as a test, and he doesn't move. If anything, he seems annoyed you didn't kiss him.

"D'you want to stop?" He asks, sounding just as breathless as you feel. You shake your head and swallow hard when he brushes the hair off your shoulder, and you can feel his heavy hand holding you. Your hands skate over his ribs, feeling muscles and a crazed heartbeat, and his jaw clenches. "Then you better do somethin' cause you've been drivin' me fuckin' crazy for weeks." 

Finally, you catch his lips with yours. He tastes like nicotine and smoke, and you know it's going to take a lot more than patches to get you to want to stop doing this. It's gentle and sweet, all relieved sighs and shy touches until you pull away for just a second to second-guess yourself or ask him something. You don't even start to form the words before he's back on you with more fervor. Suddenly, it's like he's everywhere but not nearly close enough. He nibbles at your bottom lip and tests a hand on your sternum, long fingers grazing your throat. The metal of the truck digs into your back, but you stop caring when a little moan slips from his lips when you pull him closer.

This is a bad idea. A horrible one. A bad habit you're gonna need to kick. 

But he might just be your favorite bad idea so far.

TAGLIST: @abbyhaslongshorts @kiwiharrykiwi @sumsworldz @myloveistoolittle @anavatazes @marantha @cosmoscoffeee @shyminnie07 @beezusvreeland @eddiemunsonsbedroom @harriedandharassed @doodlebob-mp3 @ignorethisplz2004 @buckyispunk

[michelleleewise]

Chocolate and promises

Pairing: Loki x female reader (eventually)

Warnings: mentions of domestic abuse, slight mention of blood, hitting, mentions of bruises and injuries (not graphic), toxic relationship, reader needs a hug, possessiveness, controlling behavior, self deprecating thoughts, minor dark themes, loki comforting reader

Summary: your friendship with Loki and grown over the last two years, until something threatened to take it away

A/n- this chapter will have two parts. A&B, it was too long for one part lol.... Graphics by: @harlequin-hangout 💚💚

Part one--part two: a-

You ran down the hall making your way to Loki's room, wanting him to be the first to know, You bounced on your feet knocking on the door hearing shuffling on the other side, smiling as the door opened revealing.. "oh..hey, is Loki in there?" You asked smiling at the man. "Whose asking?" He huffed crossing his arms. Another jealous one..you thought to yourself "y/n...best friend. And you are?" You asked holding your hand out watching him look down his nose at it "Jason.." he sneered keeping his arms crossed. "Well..Jason is Loki here?" You asked again when the door opened further revealing your Loki.

Hello my dear, how are you?" He asked stepping into the hall wrapping you in a hug. "Great! I have news, but your bodyguard here wouldn't let me pass...I must not be on the list." You said as Loki turned to the man. "Just because I shared my bed with you for the night does not give you liberty to tell my friend anything, am I clear?" He snapped seeing Jason's eyes widen "I'm sorry, it won't happen again." He said stepping back "your right, it will not. See that you are gone when I return." He said turning back to you "what was your news darling?" He asked guiding you down the hall to the kitchen.

"Oh yes! Allen asked me to move in with him!" You screeched as loki rounded the island grabbing the kettle "isn't it a bit soon y/n?" He asked seriously filling the kettle "we've been dating six months loki, dont be such a prude." You snarked sitting on the stool "I beg your pardon?" He feigned offense, one hand on his chest "I thought you would be happy for me." You said seriously "I am dear, I just don't want you to rush into anyrhing." He said smiling "some of us don't have as much time as you old man." You snarked "well if your just going to call me an old maid.." he started "no! No..I just...I'm happy." You said smiling as Loki walked around the island "if you are happy then I am." He said pulling you into a hug.

"And everything is going to be great! You'll still see me here, and don't even think your getting out of our movie nights." You smiled hearing him laugh "Well I should hope not, what else do I have to look forward to?" He asked grabbing two cups from the cabinet "Oh I don't know....jason." you smiled seeing him glare at you. "Sorry about that by the way." You said looking down "you did nothing wrong, he had no right to say anything. Besides...he wasn't that good anyway." He said shrugging making you laugh "oh..so no loss then?" You asked as he slid a cup to you "Darling, as long as I have you, I'll be fine." He smiled "ooo careful, your bordering on sentiment." You said sipping your tea. "Only for you my dear." He smiled.

Loki looked at his phone for the umpteenth time seeing no messages, sighing as he set it down. It was going on six months since you moved out of the tower and he felt like he was losing you more and more each day. He sat back in his chair looking out the window thinking about the last few months. He had noticed your behavior slowly start to change from your happy, bubbly self that he adored beyond reason, to a quiet reserved shell. The drastic change unsettled him, as well as your change in wardrobe. Where once you wore bright pastels, were replaced with blacks and greys with the occasional dark blue. Not to mention the only skin showing was from your neck up and your hands. It gave him an uneasy feeling.

"Friday...is y/n in the tower?" He called out to the ceiling "no Mr Laufeyson she is not." The AI responded making him sigh. He hated what he was about to do but for you he would walk through Helhiem barefoot. He got to his feet and made his way down to the labs. His mind raced with possible scenarios as the elevator traveled down. If that insignificant human hurt you he would end him in the most painful way he could imagine. He was pulled from his thoughts as the elevator dinged, the doors sliding open.

Stark!" He yelled across the lab making Tony jump "geeze Rudolph give a guy a heads up." He said holding his chest "I need to know where y/n is, I have not heard from her in quite some time." Loki said crossing his arms. "Oh, she put her notice in." Tony said sitting down "what does that mean?" Loki snapped staring at him "it means she quit, she isn't here anymore." Tony explained "what..why?" Loki asked taken aback "something about her boyfriend wanting her to stay home or something" Tony said running a hand through his hair "but I told her she's welcome back whenever she wants." Tony explained. "Very well, thank you stark." Loki said turning around. "You've seen it too...haven't you?" Tony called out making Loki stop "whatever you do...don't get caught." Tony said, loki nodded before heading back to his room, something was going on and he was going to get to the bottom of it.

You heard the doorbell ring, hurrying to the door before it woke Allen, opening it seeing Loki standing there "H..hey...what are you doing here?" You asked looking around "I have not heard from you, so i.." he started "I'm fine..really." you hurried fidgeting with the sleeve of your sweater. You looked up seeing him frown. "Sorry I haven't messaged, I've just been really busy." You said smiling. "That's quite alright dear, I was wondering since you missed movie night, Stark is hosting a small evening for us, and I wanted you to join me." He smiled watching you. "Oh...um I don't know." You trailed off looking down when Loki gently grabbed your hand.

"Please darling, i..I miss you." He said, looking up seeing his eyes soften. "How can I say no to you." You said seeing him smile "then I shall see you there?" He asked "yes, I'll be there." You agreed when Loki leaned forward wrapping his arms around you making you stiffen before he stepped back looking at you "I'll see you tonight " He smiled turning to leave as you slowly closed the door. "Your not going." You heard from behind you making you jump. You turned heading for the kitchen "have you been talking to him again?" Allen asked making you freeze "what did you tell him?" He continued stalking towards you. "You took my phone, how could i...." You were cut off by the back of Allen's hand hitting your cheek, knocking you to the floor, touching your lip seeing red on your fingers.

"Are you talking back?" He snarled looking down at you. "No, I just..." you trailed off as his fingers threaded through your hair pulling harshly "I think someone needs taught a lesson." He said, pulling you up dragging you towards the bedroom "Allen stop! Your hurting me!" You yelled as he opened the door pushing you inside. "You know what to do." He snarled, kicking the door shut. You walked towards the bed, closing your eyes hearing his belt buckle "I think twenty should do it? Don't you think?" He asked walking up behind you. You stayed silent knowing that was the best option.

You laid awake, wincing when you rolled to your side, your eye and cheek stinging. You waiting for Allen to doze off, listening as his breathing evened out you knew it was now or never. You slowly crept out of bed, padding to the closet to grab whatever clothes you could find in the dark before going to the door, looking back hearing him snore you slowly opened the door, slipping out. You walked to the living room quickly throwing on the t-shirt and sweatpants, grabbing your shoes as you tip toed to the door. Slowly opening it to freezing as it creaked, looking back to the bedroom door praying he hadn't heard. After a few minutes you carefully slipped out closing the door behind you. You released the breath you had been holding as you bent down slipping your shoes on, looking up and down the dark street you sighed, starting towards the tower.

You slunk down alleyways and backstreets until you saw the top of the tower, taking a quick look around before making a run for it. You knew Allen would be awake soon, If he wasn't already and he would definitely notice you missing. You heart raced as you made it to the end of the alley across from the tower, your eye throbbed and your lip burned where it was split but you were so close you could taste it. If you could just make it over there everything would be fine. You took a deep breath, looking up an down the street before bolting to the doors, pulling them as hard as you could but they wouldn't budge. "Shit!...Tony!...Loki!" You yelled as loud as you could knowing they couldn't hear you.

You heard a car up the street, hurrying behind the building trying to hide when the car stopped. "Y/n! I know your out here!" You heard Allen yell making you blood run cold. "Just come home and I'll forgive you." He said when you heard footsteps rounding the building. "You know I love you I just got upset, let's talk about it." He continued. You looked around seeing a dumpster against the building, quickly running over lifting yourself in "stop making this harder then it needs to be!" He yelled when you heard a door fly open "Al, hey...what are you doing here? You heard Tony's voice. "Oh hey Tony, y/n and I had a small disagreement and she left. I thought she might be here." You heard Allen say back making you scoff.

"Well I haven't seen her, but if I do..." he trailed off "what is going on?" You heard a deep voice "loki.." you whispered, feeling a tear run down your cheek "hey lokes, Al here lost y/n." Tony said. "What did you do to her?" You heard Loki ask sternly "that's none of your business." You heard Allen snap back. "She's my friend, so I'm making it my business!" You heard Loki yell before the scuffle of footsteps "ok, ok calm down, Al go home. I'll call you if I see her." Tony said when you heard footsteps retreat. "You will not call him!" You heard Loki yell "of course not! But I wanted him to leave." Tony said. You released the breath you were holding, shifting to lift the lid of the dumpster.

You peeked out seeing Loki holding his daggers and Tony with his blaster on "Hey guys...it's just me." You said quietly, lifting the lid higher "Oh my God..y/n?" Loki said, rushing over he lifted you out like you weighed nothing, setting you on your feet but not letting go "what were you doing in there?" He asked brushing trash off your clothes "he was right behind me, i..." you trailed off feeling your eyes burn. "Well he's gone now, let's get you inside." Tony said holding the door open. Loki gently grabbed your arm guiding you, keeping your head down so your hair would cover your face. Making it upstairs you walked into the common room seeing it empty.

"Ever the insomniacs huh?" You laughed "Well i was headed to bed, y/n your welcome to any room you like, just let me know." Tony said heading back to the elevator "ok, thank you Tony." You said looking down "anytime kid...Loki." Tony said stepping onto the elevator. "I should probably find a room." You said keeping your eyes down, not wanting him to see how weak you had been when you felt his fingers under your chin, slowly lifting your head up to look at him. His eyes meeting your one, traveling across your face when you felt his thumb lightly brush you puffy cheek "l..loki...i..." you tried, feeling a lump rise in your throat when he wrapped his arms around you, gently cradling your head to his chest

"I am sorry y/n, I should have come sooner." He whispered, pressing his cheek to your head "no, it wasn't your fault loki, it was.." you started when he suddenly pulled back "no, absolutely not. None of this was your fault." He said through gritted teeth "I will have his hands for touching you." He growled beginning to pull away "no loki...please. he's not worth it." You said grabbing his shirt "he does not deserve his pathetic existence." He snarled trying to pull free "Please, don't go...stay with me." You whispered making him stop and look at you, his eyes softening "very well, anything for you darling." He said relaxing. "Help me find a room?" You asked looking down the hall. "If you wish, you could stay in my room tonight, everything is already set up." Loki said smiling.

"Are you sure? I don't want to impose." You said fidgeting with your sweater. "You could never impose, come on let's get you settled." He said holding his arm out you looped yours around his as he guided you towards his room. "I'm not displacing Jason am i?" You asked smiling hearing him laugh "I would throw him out of the window for you dear." He said making you laugh "haven't you done that before?" You asked nudging him with your elbow "and I will again." He said looking over smiling at you. You made it to his room as he opened the door waving you in first. You looked around, smiling seeing nothing had changed.

"If you wish you can take a shower, there are towels In the bathroom, have you eaten?" Loki asked turning the lights on "um. No.." you said pulling on your sleeve "ok, I will make you something while you get cleaned up." He said walking into the small kitchen. "Loki.." you trailed off, his eyes meeting yours "Thank you, for everything." You smiled "I would burn the realm for you dear without hesitation." He smiled back. You walked to the bathroom closing the door with a soft click before pulling your sweater over your head, grimacing seeing the bruises littering your skin. Slowly running your fingers over them you finally let yourself feel as tears streamed down your cheeks.

Sinking to the floor you brought your knees to your chest quietly sobbing as the weight was lifted. Your life wasn't your own, it was Allen's. He had taken everything from you, and you were too weak to stop him. You thoughts spiraled when you heard a soft knock on the door "everything alright darling?" You heard Loki ask "yes, I'm ok." You called back wiping your face. "I have some sleep clothes for you when you are done, they are on the bed." He said "ok, thank you." You said standing up. Looking in the mirror at your puffy face you sighed "i want my life back." You said to yourself, walking over to the shower turning it on.

You came out of the bathroom wrapped in a towel seeing Loki reading in the living room "I'll be right back" you said trying to duck into the bedroom, but your were sure he saw. You quickly dried off, slipping the clothes on he had left, smelling his cologne on the shirt making you sigh. You grabbed the towel throwing it in the basket seeing his cloak hanging by the door. Thoughtlessly reaching your hand out feeling the material "how is that so soft." You said grabbing it wrapping it around your shoulders seeing it engulphed you as you wrapped it around you. You walked into the living room seeing Loki set his book down "I see you've taken to claiming my things again." He laughed, standing up. "Oh i...um sorry I can put it back." You said starting to take it off when Loki grabbed it pulling it back over you "no, you are welcome to anything you wish darling." He smiled.

"Now, come eat." He said guiding you to the couch, he sat down patting the space between his legs holding up a hair brush "come darling, sit down." He said as you sat down on the floor between his knees, seeing he made you grilled cheese and soup. "T..thank you Loki." You said, feeling the lump return to your throat as he threaded his fingers through your hair. "You are welcome, now eat while I work my magic." He said making you smile. You took a few bites of your sandwich, feeling the brush glide through your hair, closing your eyes sighing "tilt your head Darling." He said as you shifted, laying your head on his thigh feeling his fingers seperate and twist your hair.

"Did you know, where I am from when we go in to battle and return victorious we place a braid in our to symbolize our strength and courage." You heard him say, your scalp tingling feeling his fingers gently glide through your hair "and you my dear have ridden through Hel and emerged triumphant." He said tying the end of the braid setting the brush down. "Darling.." he trailed off, looking down seeing your fast asleep. Running his fingers along the braid you shifted slightly, his cloak slipping down your shoulder revealing a bruise traveling around your neck, clenching his fist he took a deep breath, trying to calm himself as you nuzzled his leg making him smile.

He got up, cradling your head he lifted you up carrying you to the bedroom gently laying you down tucking his cloak around you. Slowly backing up he felt your fingers wrap around his wrist "loki...please.." you trailed off, eyes still closed "yes darling? Do you need something?" He asked watching you "stay.." you mumbled pulling on his arm "I don't know y/n.." he said when you scooted over pulling him with you "please.." you whispered. He sighed, flicking his wrist changed into a shirt and sweatpants he laid down next to you as you curled up to his side, nuzzling your face into his shoulder making him laugh. He ran his fingers through your hair hearing you sigh. "Sweet dreams, my little valkyrie." He smiled closing his eyes.

@vbecker10 @lokisgoodgirl @sinsandguilt @high-functioning-lokipath @mochie85 @slytherclaw1227 @jaidenhawke @budugu @xorpsbane @schizonephilim @lokidokieokie @holdmytesseract @your-taste-on-my-lips @lokixryss @asgardianprincess1050 @tallseaweed @aniar4wniak @sekaishell @lokispetblogs @loopsisloops @trojanaurora @lonadane @yelkmelk @stupidthoughtsinwriting @123forgottherest @silverfire475 @goblingirlsarah @commanding-officer @glitterylokislut @kkdvkyya @cueloki @daggers-and-mischief @sititran @witchyblue @verycollectivecreator @nixymarvelkins @chantsdemarins @shinraski @usagishira @nightshadelm @filthyhiddles @dukes2581 @assemblingavenger @lulubelle814 @irishhappiness @wolfsmom1 @luvlady-writes @lovingchoices14 @thomase1

[noxtivagus]

ain soph aur brainrot

[acewritesfics]

FIREFLIES | Tommy Shelby

⚠️ THIS IS A REPOST FROM MY MAIN BLOG @/DLMLUFICS. UNFORTUNATELY, I HAVE TO DO IT THIS WAY. MORE INFO IN MY PINNED POST.

Pairing: Tommy Shelby x Reader

Request: No but I was encouraged by @runnning-outof-time to write this. This is a extended version of my Fireflies mood board.

Fic Type: Imagine

Warnings: Death. Grief. Swearing. Murder.

Word Count: 1,922

TOMMY SHELBY MASTERLIST || TAG LIST SIGN-UP

"You're late," Y/N says as she senses Tommy walking towards her.   

"Late for what?" he asks as he reaches her.   

"To see the fireflies," she says turning her head to look at him. "But I guess there will be other nights that we'll get to see them. They aren't going anywhere, and neither am I."   

"I wish I could take you anywhere that you wanted," he tells her.   

"But I like being here," she smiles softly, turning her body to stand in front of him. "It's peaceful and the view is beautiful and even more so when you're here with me."   

"I'm sure it gets lonely," he sighs sadly, hating that his first love will always be tethered to this spot.   

"Maybe for a second but then the fireflies come out and I'm reminded of you," she tells him. "You were always my light in the darkness."   

"I was never the light, sweetheart," he says cupping her face in his hands. "You were always the light."  

"If you think that because of the man you've become, then think again, Thomas Shelby," she says placing her hands over his. She turns her head, kissing one of his palms before resting her head on it. "I knew you before the war and before you had blood on your hands. You were the only good thing in my life. And I know that man is still inside you."  

"He died with you," he tells her. "That man doesn't exist anymore."  

"Yes, he does," she smiles. "He'll be back, once you learn that despite everything that's happened, you're allowed to be happy and live the life you wanted back then."  

"I'll be living it without you," he sighs.  

"One day, you're going to meet someone and all I'll be is a distant memory," her voice is soft, but her words were loud in his ears.  

"Do you remember when we met?" Tommy asks, changing the direction of their conversation. Their surroundings blurred out and was replaced with the night they met.  

Tommy could see his 17-year-old self, sitting on a log in front of a campfire. Arthur Shelby Snr and a few of his buddies decided to take their families camping one weekend. It was there that Tommy met Y/N, daughter of one of his father's associates.   

The 16-year-old version of Y/N was dancing as a group of teenagers to the left were making music with the few instruments they owned. A very young Ada had taken her hands as she skipped and leaped and danced around the fire. The sky was pitch black; the moon bright in the sky but in the moon light and the glow from the fire, to Tommy, it made her look like an angel. Tommy had fallen in love for the very first time that night.  

Him and Y/N watched as the younger versions of themselves came together. 16-year-old Y/N had let go of Ada's hands telling her she needed a rest and that she'd be back shortly. She'd left the campfire and walked past the campers. 17-year-old Tommy whispered something to Arthur before following her.  

Tommy and Y/N follow them down to the creek that ran through the campground.   

"You're a good dancer," they listen to the younger Tommy tell her, causing her to jump slightly. He quickly apologises. "I'm sorry, I didn't mean to scare you."  

"Apology accepted," she smiles, lifting her skirts up to her knees and dips her toes into the cold water. "And I wouldn't call myself a good dancer. The rhythm of the music does all the work, I just follow it."  

"It wasn't the music that had me captivated," he admits.  

"I'm sure it wasn't my dancing either," she chuckles, stepping into the cold water and kicks it around until it starts to feel warm.  

“I’m Thomas Shelby, but you can call me Tommy,” he introduces himself.  

“Y/N L/N,” she tells him her name. “It’s nice to meet you, Tommy.”  

From that moment the two of them were inseparable. You couldn’t find one without the other. They were both the happiest they’ve ever been. Everyone could see and feel the love the two held for each other. They were the king and queen of their own world, and they treated each other as such. Tommy gave her everything that he could with promises that one day, they’d be so rich that money wouldn’t be an issue and he could give her the grandest of all things. She would assure him that, even though those things would be nice, that all she needed was him.   

The scene in front of Tommy and Y/N is blurred out again and replaced with the original scene but this one was slightly different.   

It was the night he realized he wanted to marry her.   

On the anniversary of the day they met, they would come out to the field their families camped at and spent the night under the stars.   

Their first anniversary, Y/N, now 17, arrived at their spot earlier than Tommy. She starts the fire and sets up the picnic she had packed. As she sat waiting for Tommy, she thought about the trouble she would be in for sneaking out this late to meet the boy she’s been with for a year. It was worth it, being with Tommy.   

17-year-old Y/N’s been there a few minutes when the tree in front of her starts lighting up. There must be close to 50 of the little lightning bugs scattered along the tree. She’d read about fireflies and was always curious about them, but she wasn’t sure if she’d ever see them like this. The scene in front of her brings a certain warmth to her and her mind goes to Tommy.  

“I’m sorry, I’m late,” she faintly hears Tommy say as he approaches her. Y/N’s too focused on the bugs to reply.   

It isn’t until Tommy’s arms wrap around her that he finally gets her attention. That night she had fallen pregnant.  

The scene changes a little, everything looks the same, except the two of them are a little older, Tommy being 20 and Y/N being 19. Their relationship was going well, and their daughter was happy and healthy, but their family lives had taken a turn for the worse.   

Tommy’s mother had fallen ill not long after having Finn. After she died his father, Arthur Sr, had taken off, leaving Tommy and Arthur Jr to raise their younger siblings with their Aunt Polly’s help and deal with the debts his father owed. Not only that but they had the illegal betting den that needed a major up heave after the state their father left it in.   

Y/N’s father had become more paranoid, believing everyone was playing a part in some ploy to ruin his life. Her mother, who had enough of her husband’s behaviour had left, only leaving a note to explain her departure. She never bothered to tell Y/N about it either, only finding out when her father stormed into the store she worked at, yelling and shouting about how she was a part of her mother’s plan to leave. Once she managed to convince him that she had no part in it, her father seemed to calm down for a while.  

This was when Tommy new he couldn’t wait any longer to marry her. He wanted nothing more than to call her his wife. In the last year they had been coming more to their spot, needing to get away from everything for a moment. His proposal hadn’t been planned. They’d been sitting on a log, watching the fireflies fly around the tree, creating trails of light behind them. He turned to her, looking at her with so much love and said, “I think it’s time we get married.”  

She looked back at him, a soft smile on her lips. With all that love he was looking at her with reflected in her eyes, she says, “I also think it’s time.”   

As if Tommy knew where his mind was going with this, the scene changed. It once again was the same scene set at a different time. Tommy was late to meeting her at their spot. It was something he regretted to this day. Because instead of finding her sitting there waiting, with her smile that was only reserved for him, he found her by the creek, her closed soaked with water, her skin a ghostly shade and cold to the touch, her lungs filled with water instead of air and yet she looked so peaceful.   

Tommy still feels the pain as he broke down as if it were only yesterday. He doesn’t recall how long he stayed with her out there before bringing her to the hospital. He soon found out she’d been out to their spot hours earlier than they were supposed to meet. Her and her father had a massive fight and she needed to get away. Their spot was always a place she could spent hours at, reading, drawing, and just being with herself, clearing her head.   

Unfortunately, this time, her father had followed her out to the creek. Things got physical and he overpowered and drowned her in the creek. Instead of taking her to the hospital, he left her there for Tommy to find in some sick twist of paranoia, blaming him for taking his daughter away from him.  

Police ruled her drowning accidental despite all the evidence pointing to it not being that. It would be almost ten years later when justice would finally be served by Tommy’s own hand, what he had been through during the war, adding to the feeling of nothing as he put a bullet through Y/N’s father’s head.   

The scene shifts once more but this time they’re back to the first scene, her body is no longer laying on the creek bed.   

“Can you do me a favour?” Y/N asks him, breaking the somber silence that had fallen between them  

He nods and she stands on her tip toes to whisper something in his ear, before she shoves him into the cold water.  

Tommy wakes up from the dream with a jolt. He’s had the same dream almost every night since her death but this time the ending had changed. She had asked something of him, and he promised to fulfil it.  

Later that night, Tommy made his way to the field where their spot is. He could never bring himself to come back out here after she died. This is his first time back but this time he wasn’t alone. Sitting beside him on the log, is his 13-year-old daughter, Sophie.   

He pulls out the photographs that he has of Y/N. “See this place Sophie, this place is a very special place to me and your mother. Not only did we meet here, we also had many special moments here.” He starts handing her the photos, she’s seen many times of Y/N. Sophie had only been 2 when her mother was killed. That day, Sophie had been with Polly. “Your mother loved this spot, especially at night,” he continues as the tree begins to light up. “This is the reason why.”   

“The fireflies?” she asks, seemingly just intrigued by them as her mother was. 

In the faint glow of the fireflies and the moon above, he can see Y/N, smiling that smile reserved only for her little family. She blows them a kiss before she turns around and disappears into the darkness. 

“The fireflies,” He confirms, smiling down at his daughter. 

TAGGED: @chapter-in-my-old-diary - @hanawrites404 - @goblinjnr - @halsteadbrasil - @alexxavicry - @rainydayteacups

BOLD means your profile didn't come up when I tried to tag you. Sometimes it links when the post is posted but I don't know if you still get the notifications. Let me know if you get the notification. Here is a post that could help: WHY OTHERS CAN'T TAG YOUR BLOG

[uselesslexbian]

the tortured poets department sentence starters.

i was supposed to be sent away, but they forgot to come and get me.

i love you, it's ruining my life.

my husband is cheating. i wanna kill him.

thought of calling you, but you won't pick up.

who's gonna hold you like me?

who's gonna know you, if not me?

sometimes i wonder if you're gonna screw this up with me.

everyone we know understands why it's meant to be. 'cause we're crazy.

who else is gonna know me?

i should've known it was a matter of time.

we could've played for keeps this time.

once i fix me, he's gonna miss me.

he told me i'm better off, but i'm not.

fuck it if i can't have him.

i might just die, it would make no difference.

fuck it if i can't have us.

'cause fuck it, i was in love.

i stopped trying to make him laugh.

how much sad did you think i had in me?

you say i abandoned the ship, but i was going down with it.

just how low did you think i'd go before i'd self-implode?

you swore you love me, but where were the clues?

i'm just mad as hell 'cause i loved this place.

i forget if this was ever fun.

no, i'm not coming to my sense.

i know he's crazy, but he's the one i want.

i'd rather burn my whole life down than listen to one more second of all this bitching and moaning.

i'll tell you something about my good name - it's mine alone to disgrace.

you ain't gotta pray for me.

no, you can't come to the wedding.

it's gonna be alright, i did my time.

i will never lose my baby again.

ain't no way i'm gonna screw up now that i know what's at stake.

they said i was a cheat. i guess it must be true.

yes, i'm haunted, but i'm feeling just fine.

tell me i'm dispicable, say it's unforgivable.

am i allowed to cry?

i keep recalling things we never did.

someone told me there's no such thing as bad thoughts.

if it's make-believe, why does it feel like a vow we'll both uphold somehow?

they're gonna crucify me anyway.

what if the way you hold me is actually what's holy?

you don't get to tell me about "sad."

if you wanted me dead, you should've just said.

who's afraid of little old me?

at all costs, keep your good name.

you don't get to tell me you feel bad.

so tell me everything is not about me, but what if it is?

say they didn't do it to hurt me, but what if they did?

i'm always drunk on my own tears, isn't that what they all said?

i'm fearsome, and i'm wretched, and i'm wrong.

you caged me, and then you called me crazy.

i am what i am 'cause you trained me.

i can fix him. no really, i can.

come close, i'll show you heaven.

trust me, i can handle me a dangerous man.

you said i'm the love of your life.

well, you took me to hell, too.

what we thought was for all time was momentary.

are they second-hand embarrassed that i can't get out of bed 'cause something counterfeit's dead?

you're the loss of my life.

i can handle my shit.

he said he'd love me all his life, but that life was too short.

i can do it with a broken heart.

i'm so obsessed with him, but he avoids me like the plague.

i cry a lot, but i am so productive. it's an art.

you know you're good when you can even do it with a broken heart.

i'm sure i can pass this test.

they said, "babe, you gotta fake it 'til you make it" and i did.

'cause i'm miserable! and nobody even knows!

was any of it true?

who the fuck was that guy?

they just ghosted you. now you know what it feels like.

i don't even want you back.

you didn't measure up in any measure of a man.

were you sent by someone who wanted me dead?

'cause it wasn't sexy once it wasn't forbidden.

i would've died for your sins. instead i just died inside.

i'll forget you, but i'll never forgive.

i haven't come around in so long, but i'm making a comeback to where i belong.

this town is fake, but you're the real thing.

the crown is stained, but you're the real queen.

you're the new god we're worshipping.

it's hell on earth to be heavenly.

[aurumacadicus]

13, because it's my favorite number!

Steve was ashamed to admit it, but he'd never once thought to worry about Tony's health. Sure, sometimes Tony overworked himself, but it seemed impossible for him not to, with his company and SHIELD and the Avengers to work for, and the one time Pepper had mentioned stepping back, he'd shot her a look of such disdain out of the corner of his eye that everyone in the room felt the need to apologize for the suggestion.

And it wasn't like Tony was bad at taking care of himself, at least these days. He attempted to keep to a regular sleep schedule. He had a varied diet, but most times Steve noticed him gravitating to the healthier options anyway. On the days he had nothing but busywork scheduled, he managed to squeeze in an hour at the gym. He even scheduled rest time for himself (and Steve could admit, if he counted their date nights, he had a lot more relaxing time than his schedule reflected).

On top of that, Tony seemed... impossible to knock down? He complained when he was tired, but for the most part, he acted his same old self. He'd never even gotten a cold in the six years Steve had known him.

That was apparently by design, though, and Steve kicked himself for not taking the slight hesitation in Tony's movements before he reached out for Nathaniel, snot and all, to bounce on his knee more seriously.

"The responsibility for my weakened immune system is mine," Tony said, and he sounded so reasonable, but all Steve could do was stare at the oxygen mask covering his nose and mouth, because he was on his second week recovering from pneumonia. His left hand was held between both of Steve's own, and it took everything in him not to squeeze it tight. "Steve. I never told anyone about my health problems. It's not just you."

"I--" Know was on the tip of his tongue. Tony's health information was private. Had been even before Iron Man. But Steve couldn't bring himself to say it. He should have been watching. He should have realized. Tony washed his hands and disinfected things more than anyone he ever knew, but he'd thought that was rich-person eccentricity. Not health consciousness. "You can't die," he finally croaked, leaning down so he could press his forehead to the back of Tony's hand. "Please don't die."

It wasn't what he wanted to say, wasn't the proper way to convey what he meant. But he didn't know the words. All he could think about was waking up to a weak, wheezy, 'Steve, call an ambulance' as Tony burned hot beside him. All he could think about was what if he hadn't woken up. It had barely been loud enough for his enhanced hearing to hear. JARVIS wouldn't have been able to catch it and call for help himself.

He could have lost him.

When he finally lifted his head to check if Tony had fallen asleep, because he hadn't answered, he found Tony simply staring at him, blinks slow and syrupy. He sucked in a sharp breath. Tony didn't need this. He was recovering. Steve should have waited until he felt better to bring this up, wait until he was comfortable back at home--

"You're so young," Tony murmured, and Steve's breath caught in his throat. "I'm sorry I never noticed, Steve. I'll try harder to tell you these things, okay?"

"I don't want you to do something you're uncomfortable with," Steve managed, then bit his bottom lip against any other words.

Tony's mouth curved up into a wry smile. "I think my fiance should know everything about me, even the uncomfortable things."

Steve blinked at him, frowning. He felt a tear roll down his cheek. He opened his mouth, closed it. Then he choked out, "You did not just propose to me from your hospital bed."

"Is that a no?" Tony asked, brows furrowing together in concern.

"No, we're getting married, no take-backs. I'm just so... So. I'm just fucking so," Steve choked out, bringing Tony's hand up to his face again so he could press a trembling kiss to his knuckles. "I should go get the the chaplain right now. Serve you right to get married in this bed."

Tony laughed, and then he coughed, and Steve decided not to tease him about getting married in the hospital again until he was off oxygen at least.

[ddejavvu]

hey! i just broke up w my bf of almost two years today and have been really sad.

I wanted to thank you for your works bc there helping me get through this. your hotch x reader works are keeping me sane

idk if your interested but maybe a request of reader breaking up with their partner and is very sad was bc they were so busy w the bau and life so they think its best and hotch is there for her and comforts them. he has feelings for them but doesnt want to make a move bc yk newly single. but he does little things to make her feel better bc he likes to see her smile :)

this is completely self service so you dont have to write but i love you works i think ur my fav writer on here :) i hope all is well love 💜

hi lovey! first off, i'm so sorry that you're going through a breakup. I hope that this can help even just a little bit, please take care of yourself and eat something yummy <333

--

Today holds new experiences for both you and Aaron. For example, you've never seen him in sweatpants before, and he's never seen you with 4 hours worth of tear-induced eye bags.

As luck would have it, when you turn into the tissue aisle, the metal bars of another cart smash into your own. They weren't going fast, but you were, hellbent on getting what you need and getting out again, so the screeching of metal on metal only makes your headache worse.

"Sorry," You rush, keeping your eyes averted as you yank your cart away from the other. You keep conversation short, but the voice that comes from the person you'd just rammed into makes you stiffen instinctually.

"Y/N?"

It's Hotch.

It's your boss, the man who you try extra hard to be nothing but professional around. The man who's seen you only in perfectly dry cleaned pantsuits and neat hair is seeing you in pajama pants and crocs with a nose so swollen it looks like you've been stung by a bee.

"Hotch," You cringe, nodding politely as you try maneuvering your cart around his, "Sorry for bumping into you. I was in a hurry."

"I can see that," He grabs onto the bars of your cart to stop you from pushing it anywhere, and you chance a cautious look up at his face; his brow is knit in concern, and his eyes are shining with the same look. But your glance upwards reveals that his son is with him, a boy no more than four years old sitting in the cart and looking at you with a tiny hint of terror on his little face, something that probably stems from your no-makeup zombie look. He's mid-chew on a tiny handful of popcorn that he'd probably begged his dad for at the front.

"What happened?" Aaron asks, pulling your attention back to him, and you're slightly relieved he doesn't go for 'Are you alright?'. Clearly, you're not.

"Uh," You sniffle, chuckling dryly, "Bad breakup. Just- getting some tissues, that's all."

"Oh." He hums, hand loosening on your cart, "I'm sorry. Do you want to talk about it?"

"Um," You glance around the store, knowing not many people are there, but it would still be weird to open up a therapy session in the TP aisle, "No, it's okay. Thank you, though. Really, I appreciate it."

"Okay," Aaron nods, though none of the concern has left his expression, "But if you'd like to some other time, please remember I'm here if you need me. Even if it's late, if you need help I'll give it to you."

His sincerity brings a fresh wave of tears to your eyes that he smiles sadly at, and you smear a hand over your eyes to get rid of them, "Thanks, Hotch."

"Mhm," He hums, looking ready to let you go until his son hooks a chubby fist into his shirt.

"Hm?" Aaron looks down, and leans his head next to Jack's when the little boy tugs him closer.

They huddle for a moment, Jack whispering into Aaron's ear, and the man's hand tightens around your cart once more. Just when you thought you'd escaped.

"I think you should." Aaron nods, straightening up, glancing over, and nodding his head towards you, "Go ahead, buddy."

Jack looks up at you with that same hint of apprehension you'd seen earlier, but he digs a fist into his popcorn bucket and extends the hand to you. You actually feel your heart melting, the organ liquifying and dripping through your ribcage to pool like goo in your stomach.

"Uh- maybe," Aaron reaches for the bucket, intent on giving you a handful that hasn't touched sticky toddler hands, but you take Jack's offering without hesitation.

"Thank you, honey," You croon, and he drops the kernels into your open palm, "That does help, popcorn makes me much less sad."

"Daddy makes it for movie night." Jack's voice is soft and sweet, and you smile, sniffling weakly once more.

"Really? That sounds fun, what movies do you watch?"

"We're watching Monsters University tonight," Aaron informs you, then his posture straightens as an idea blooms in his brain, "Y'know, if popcorn makes you less sad, I think you should come and have some with us."

"Oh," Your eyes widen slightly, and you shake your head on impulse, "No, that's okay. I couldn't-"

"I'm asking you to." It's the firm voice Aaron uses whenever he's giving someone orders around the office; you suppose he can't separate his work life and home life completely.

"I don't like the thought of you being alone," Aaron admits, eyeing the ice cream already in your cart, "How about we pick up another pint and head to checkout?"

"I'll be okay," You reach for a package of tissues, extra large, "Don't worry about it, Aaron."

You don't see it, but Aaron pinches Jack's side lightly, spurring the boy into action.

"Please come over tonight," Jack begs, and you swear he's making his eyes shiny on purpose, "Mike Wazowski is funny, and you can't be sad if you're watching something funny."

Aaron raises his eyebrows at you, and you see the faint hint of a smirk playing at his lips; got you.

You take a deep breath in, speaking on the exhale, "Alright. Um, can I bring anything else?"

"Pajamas, maybe." Aaron hums, "Movie nights are always better in pajamas."

You glance disdainfully down at your outfit, ragged pajama pants and a sweatshirt, "Check."

"Perfect," Aaron chuckles, finally letting go of your cart and turning it towards the ice cream aisle, "Let's go, buddy, if Y/N's coming over tonight, you need a bath. She doesn't wanna sit with a stinky boy."

"I'm not stinky!" Jack insists, looking like he's never been more offended in his life.

Aaron leans in, theatrically sniffing at the space near Jack's shoulder. He bugs his eyes out, turning his head to the side and fake-coughing, "Woah."

Jack roars with laughter at his dad's dramatics, feet kicking at his Aaron's stomach, and the sound of his giggles make the popcorn you're munching on taste a little bit sweeter.

[norrisleclercf1]

Broken Hearts and Duct Tape

Pairing: Charles Leclerc x Reader x Lando Norris

Part 7 of Our Boy Series

Rating: PG-13

Words: 2.3K

Warnings: Angst, Anxiety, Therapy, Slight fluff, etc.

Our Boy Series / Previous: Letter 1 / Next: Letter 2

Synopsis: When a current fight brings up the memories of an old fight, Lando and Charles remember a dark time in their relationship

It's the quiet mornings that have Charles's skin crawling. He's not used to it. The silence currently filling his home is not his true home, though. If you asked him 10, maybe 15 years ago, he'd say home was Monaco and Italy. Now? It's where ever his family is. Home is where Cecile and Elijah fight and wreak havoc. It's where he can find you curled up reading or Lando outside in the garage working on his cars. 

This wasn't his home. It's far too quiet. He hated it. Charles wanted nothing more than to whip his mug at a wall and scream his anger, but he couldn't. "Did you get any sleep?" Charles's back goes rigid. Lando has not spoken to him since he kicked you out of the Monaco home. "Yeah, Elijah curled into me last night." His voice muffled by the mug. "Cecile finally fell asleep," Lando murmured, leaning against the island, far from Charles. 

"Okay, let's get this over with." Charles slams his mug down, a small crack forming at the bottom. "You're pissed I kicked her out." Lando looks up, his curls still there but slightly lined with age. They were standing in the same kitchen, the exact spots they did 10 years ago. But this time, it was Charles on the other end. "Of course I am," Lando hisses, pushing off the counter. "You kicked our fucking wife out! Our wife, the mother of our children, I'm more than pissed. I want to rip your fucking head off." "Don't raise your voice. The kids are sleeping." Charles hushes, but Lando shakes his head. 

"Don't! Don't you dare tell me not to raise my voice? Charles, what the fuck were you thinking? We have always discussed this together. Why didn't you wait for me to come home?" Lando choked on the words, shaking his head to stop the emotions from bubbling up. "The moment she stepped through those doors, I don't know. All I could see was her 19-year-old self and thinking of all the lies she's told us, me. I gave her everything, and she," Staring down at his mug, he loved this mug. 

It was a Father's Day gift you got him. Still, fresh into the relationship and with a 3-month-old, you just bought it. You gave it to him as a joke, but he cried slightly. "She lied," He whispers, letting go of the mug. "Charles, she was hurt! SHE WAS 19!" Lando roars. "Daddy?" Charles and Lando whip their head to the stairs, Elijah and Cecile staring at them with fear and anxiety. "I'm sorry, I'm so sorry," Lando whispers, reaching out for Cecile, yet Elijah pulls Cecile back. 

"Cece, go upstairs to my room. Yeah, we can talk in a few." Elijah whispers. His sister doesn't answer, glaring at him as she walks up the stairs. "We'll, we'll be upstairs," Elijah whispers, taking off. "10 years ago, that's how long it's been," Lando whispers. Charles flinches, staring at the kitchen door, the wood still damaged from that night. "You're doing the same thing to her like you did to me," "That's not the fucking same. Never, ever compare these two situations again." Lando glares at Charles, scuffing. 

"Please, you kicked me out the same way you kicked her out." "YOU CAME HOME DRUNK! Fucking Christ Lando, you," "No, no, I know exactly what happened that night," Lando whispers, "You don't have to remind me." 

------------------------------------------------------

10 years ago 

"He's still not home?" You feel like crying, holding your 1 year old sick with a horrible fever. "No, I don't know where he is," Charles whispers, pulling you in as you bounce, Cecile screaming her head off. "Find him, Charles, please." You beg, trying to calm down Cecile. "Okay, I'll be back." He whispers, kissing your forehead. 

Walking down the hall, he stops, pushing Elijah's door open, smiling when he sees his 6-year-old boy sleeping. Holding his teddy bear dressed as Lando. Closing the door, he flicks on the stairs light, freezing when he hears the rattling of the kitchen back door. Bending down, he grabs the bat. He raises it but stops seeing the familiar bright orange and curls tumble into the kitchen. 

"Alright, here we are." "Carlos?" Hitting the light switch, Charles's teammate Carlos and his husband disheveled state. "Hey, Charles. Lando, um," "Go home, Carlos," Carlos cleared his throat. As Carlos pats his friend's back, Lando hunches over the kitchen island and leaves. "Where the fuck have you been?" "Hav, ugh, having fun." Lando slurs, the rage in Charles building more. "That's it." Charles yanks open the fridge door, grabbing an ice-cold water. Cracking the lid off, he moves, pouring it all over Lando. 

"Oh god! What the fuck?" Lando yells, now sober enough to remember this. "You're a mess, acting like you're a child." Charles spits, tossing the empty bottle into the sink. "Screw you. I was having fun, Charles." Lando takes a deep breath, trying to stop the nausea. "Y/n and I have been calling you for hours, Lando. Cecile is sick." Lando's head snaps up. "What? Is she okay?" Lando moves to go upstairs, but Charles steps in front of him. 

"What are you doing? Get out of my way." "No, you're drunk." Charles pushes him back, not hard, just to get him back up. "You smell of a club, liquor, and probably cheap ass," "I wasn't with anyone else. Just Carlos." Lando whispers. "I don't care! We have children, Lando. A wife, in case you forgot, a fucking husband as well." Holding up his hand, Charles shows Lando the ring on his finger. "I didn't forget, but maybe I don't want to be trapped." 

Stepping back, Charles feels like the ground has swallowed him whole. "Trapped? Is that what we are to you? A cage?" Charles's chest starts to heave up and down. His anxiety ramping up more now. This can't happen now. Charles can't have an anxiety attack now. "No, I didn't mean it like that," Lando whispers, reaching for Charles. Lando always knew when Charles got anxious, holding his hand always grounded his husband. 

"Don't," Charles pulls his hands out of reach. "For almost 6 months now, you've been partying, drinking, god knows what else. Also, you don't talk to me anymore, only Carlos." Charles can't help the venom that drips off of Carlos's name when he says it. "Charles, I love you and Y/n. Please, can we not do this tonight?" Lando asks, stepping to the side to go upstairs, but Charles shoves him back. 

"Are you cheating on us?" This was colder than the water, sobering Lando fully now. "No." Charles stares at Lando. This was not the man he fell in love with. "You're hiding something from me, from us. Yet, Carlos seems to know what it is." "Charles, don't do this. Not tonight. Cecile is sick." "No, we're doing this now. What are you hiding?" Charles pushes, Lando starting to grow annoyed. "GOD DAMMIT! Mercedes offered me a seat, OKAY. And I took it without a second thought. I took the fucking seat. And right now, I hate myself because I said yes without even thinking of you, the babies, or our wife!" Lando roars, Charles's eyes wide. 

"When?" Charles whispers, looking down at his feet. "What?" Lando sighs, pulling on those curls, a sign he was stressed. "When did this happen? Because I remember we always said we'd decide this together, and you didn't even think about us? Do you even want to be married to us? You spend all your nights away drinking and come home lying, saying you've been with the McLaren team and all went for drinks. But you're not. You're lying." Lando looks away, unable to look Charles in the face. 

"I regret it, Charles. God, I know I shouldn't have said yes. But this is Mercedes." "No, no, you don't get to do that. You'll have to move. Go back home to London. Did you even think about me? My family, our family is here. This is where we decided to raise the kids. And now you're saying, fuck all of that, I rather have a Mercedes seat." "You're telling me you wouldn't have done the same thing?" Lando's anger grows with each ticking minute. 

"NO! Because I love our family! I value you and Y/n, but you clearly don't. Like you said, we're a fucking cage keeping you locked down. So you know what," Charles laughs, grabbing his ring. "No, no, don't, Charles, please. I'm so sorry." Lando holds Charles's hand, stopping his husband. "Don't take off your ring, not the one I gave you, please. I love you." "Clearly not, because right now, I regret marrying you." Charles gasps, his world spinning as his anxiety and fears grow too much for him to handle. 

"You don't mean that." Lando whimpers, Charles shoving his hand off. "I do! What you've done, I mean, I get it. But Lando, you have a family. How could you do this?" Charles laughs, playing with the ring on his finger. "Selfish, I was being selfish. Please just don't do this." Lando begs, ready to drop to his knees. "Get out. I want you out of this house." Charles whispers. Lando drops his head, tears falling from both men as Charles bolts up the stairs. The only signal that Lando left was the slamming of the door and wood splintering everywhere the following day. 

-------------------------------------------------------------

"Every time I fuck up, I worry you'll kick me out again. Take off your ring again, and you," Lando takes a deep breath. "Have you been attending your therapy sessions?" Charles's jaw ticks. He hasn't. "Charles, you haven't been going, have you? Baby, you know you can't mess them." Charles stares at his mug, all the emotions coming up. "When I first went, you wanna know what the Doc said?" "What?" "That when I'm faced with abandonment, I lash out; I did it again." Charles laughs. It's all he can do to stop himself from crying. 

"Charles, call your therapist," Lando whispers, sliding his phone over. "I can't because the only number I want to call is her." He can't hold it anymore as his lips wobble, the sob breaking. "Charlie." Lando rushes over as Charles slides to the floor, Lando holding him. "What have I done? I broke our family." Charles sobs, Lando pulling him into him. His arms are wrapped tight as Charles hides in his husband's chest. "I hurt you, I hurt Y/n. I'm the reason, I'm the," "Shhhh, it's okay. You're okay." Lando whispers. 

"It's all in the past. It all worked out. Look at us, Charles. We have two gorgeous children living here in Monaco and London. We did it. We can do it again." Charles's chest rattles as he sucks in a breath. "I said such awful things to her. I'll never blame her if she doesn't come back." "She'll come back, but we'll get our asses kicked." Charles laughs, Lando, joining him. 

"Dad? Pa?" Sniffling, Charles stands up, wiping his eyes and nose quickly. "Yea," His voice cracks. Lando giggles as Charles smacks him. "Yeah, Ducky?" Elijah steps out from the stairs slowly, and Charles hates that when he looks at Elijah, now he can see Nico. But Charles shakes it off because Elijah has Charles's drive, Lando's humor, and stubbornness.

"Um, Mama, she didn't want me to tell you, but Mama left me something." Holding out his arm, Lando welcomes Elijah into his side. "What did she leave you?" Lando asks, kissing Elijah's temple. "Before that, um," Elijah pulls back, fiddling with his fingers.

"You're my fathers. You raised me. Pa, you're the one who started to call me Ducky first. It's a stupid nickname from a stupid duck towel I loved as a kid. Dad, you shaped me to be the driver I am today, and I'll never say thank you enough. Pa, you taught me the piano, and that's our thing. Dad, you're always there when I'm sick, even breaking me out of school to go Karting." Elijah sighs, tears all gone. 

"Nico did none of that. He wasn't there. And Mama never knew why he truly left, but that doesn't matter. Not to me. I had two wonderful fathers. I don't need a third, just you two." Lando smiles, pulling Elijah into a hug. "You're grounded," "Lando," Charles sighs. "No, he is. He ran off into Monaco during a GP weekend. Grounded, 3 weeks. No phone, gaming, or karting. Unless it's for official business. You ever do something like that again, and your ass is fried. Got me." Elijah smiles, nodding in agreement. 

"That's fine," "Now, what is it your mother left you?" Charles asks, looking at his mug and seeing a crack. "Damn, your mug is cracked, Pa." Elijah mumbles, grabbing the mug, "It's fine, nothing duct tape can't fix." Charles grabs it back, cradling it almost. "Right," Taking a breath, Elijah pulls out a stained envelope with your name written. "She said that Nico left a letter for her at their old apartment. She never opened it, and I want you two here with me when I read it." Elijah stares down at Nico's handwriting, wondering what might be there. 

"Are you sure? I'm sure it's private." Charles asks, standing at his son's other side. "Yeah, I want my parents here to discover why he left. I don't know how I'll react, and honestly, I think you two need answers as well." Charles looks up at his husband, grabbing his hand and kissing the ring he gave Lando. "Open it. Let's find out why the bastard left." "Dad," "Lando." Lando just smirks, shrugging his shoulders. 

"Okay, well," Elijah opens it, the paper crinkling as he pulls the letter out and starts to read. 

"Ducky, don't be alarmed at the empty apartment. I'm coming back," 

--------------------------------------

taglist: @thomaslefteyebrow @a-stray-soul @formulas-bitch @mickslover @myescapefromthislife @glow-ish @kittyfluffypaws28 @ryntro @copper-boom @allabouthappiness @jaydaaasworld @christianpulisic10 @lyraleclerc @daddyslittlevillain @dreamerrosie @driveswiftly13 @harrysdimple05 @sueesstuff @why4anne @nataliambc @cwiphswmwasohmm @buckybarnessweetheart @makingmyway-downtown @elijahslover @kapsylia 

[neruro]

VOD 05 - follow for follow???

first time chatter...? | scara x reader smau

Though the call started off with awkward greetings and simple questions, you couldn't deny how comfortable it got. Just like with an old friend, the silence was peaceful. Just you and him for a moment.

It was Scaramouche's suggestion to ease the tension, so you both created a Spotify playlist and added songs onto there. You'd like to think he was enjoying the music without any distractions, just as you were.

With some orchestral music that Scaramouche chose playing– You were both silent.

At a time like this, it was nice to stop thinking. A welcome distraction. There was a time you did this before... Sat in silence and let the minutes pass by.

"Hey," Scaramouche teased after a couple moments. "Don't tell me you're sleeping on me now."

"I'm not!" You insisted. "Just... Thinking."

"Oh?" He said. "About me?"

"... Mayhaps."

He let out a soft chuckle, and you could hear him lean back in his chair. The song switched into one of the Miku songs you chose, thankfully more lighthearted to fit the mood.

"Mm. That's good." He said. "It would be a shame if you were thinking of someone else. I thought we were having a moment."

"I mean- It's just..." You said quietly. "You're so nice to me, but you're so rude online. It's a bit off-putting."

He was silent, perhaps not expecting the statement.

"It's my image." He said, though it sounded like there was more to it. "Most streamers have one. For me, I'm a mysterious jerk and people eat it up, you know?"

"... Huh." You said. "I think your real self is a lot more appealing though."

"Having your real self online for millions to see..." He murmured. "In my experience, you'll only hurt and be hurt."

You stayed silent. If you show people who you really were– didn't that mean you would get the true, genuine love of your fans? Wouldn't it hurt more to live under a lie, knowing you'd have to protect it to keep your heart safe? Living to please, you'd be nothing more than a slave then.

To make people happy... Is living a lie something that they wanted?

"Nevermind that, you're a small streamer so you don't have to worry about it." He sighed, speaking normally. "Now, where's that one song for Miku abuses her boyfriend?"

"World is Mine?"

"Yeah, hold on, lemme play it."

You got another call from Scaramouche when an hour after you sent the tweet. It was nerve-wracking for sure, knowing that you would show your face to (a couple) people, but you have the power of friendship on your side!

Pretty much invincible then!

"I hope you don't mind what I did." Scaramouche said with a sigh. "I'll delete it, if you would like."

"Oh! Well... It certainly increases the pressure..." You chuckle nervously. "But I'm ready!"

"I'll be sure to watch." Scaramouche said gently. "Don't be too scared, it'll go great."

After a silence he spoke again, "... I'll be rooting for you. As always."

first time chatter...?

masterlist || prev || next

✧˚ ·summary - tada! a new streamer (aka: you!) entered the scene! and what's this? your first regular chatter accompanying you to fame? great! and you're both becoming friends? even better! ... eh? what... what do you mean he has over a million followers? and what does he mean by 'do you remember me!?'

taglist is open (thank you guys!!! bold means I can’t tag you!) 1/2 - @sakiimeo @beriiov @idontevenknow129 @meigalaxy @mellowberrie @chiyoso @featuredtofu @yumiaur @karma-gisa @magica-ren @maxineshearts @raewrz @grrrhutao @haunts-gh0st @itzblazekun @seternic @imdyeing @siasseltzers @lylovw @boxdisappeared @klanxii @moon4nge1 @layla240 @cante-lope @hibiscy @saturnsapothecary @pyrotechnics84 @dazaisboner

author's note - love you all, thank you for everything! your support gives me motivation to go on! ╰(*´︶`*)╯♡