#i think i'm going to make a more extensive post on her fighting style

[pawzels-artbin]

Ight i'm gonna go ahead and dump my CQ OCs here real quick- hope you guys like reading long ass paragraphs because hoo boy did i yap with this one (may post art later; still being revised <3)

𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐚

[art missing]

Dark, rusty red. 

Long ass hair that goes to their toes. 

Likes trees. Nature. Mmm yeees gimme that fresh air 

Hates being cold

Feels the urge to take care of things she thinks are small and helpless 

Swamp dwelling plant mom. Rises out of the water lady of the lake style when someone comes to her swamp to speak to her lmao

Her carapace is odd. When in the sun or in a hot area her body radiates more heat that it should take in. 

Voiceclaim: https://www.youtube.com/shorts/5ul_oVObONA 

𝐀𝐦𝐚𝐥𝐭𝐡𝐞𝐚 (𝐏𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐭 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐦)

[art missing]

Based HEAVILY on Ramiel from Evangelion. GOD I’m such a nerd. 

Rearranges her body parts, and can make them smaller or bigger to some extent to suit her attack or defense style. Reflects an insanely intense and hot light she produces off of them, then concentrates it into a beam that she can fire directly at an opponent. Unfortunately despite her terrifying power, her attacks eat up large amounts of hemolymph, meaning she can only battle for 12 minutes at most if she conserves her energy and 5 minutes if she uses more powerful attacks. 

Her beams can (theoretically) melt through mountains. (Technically if she did this she’d expend almost all her hemolymph in one go and die though lmfao, talk about a one-trick pony) 

She does not usually speak in her puppet form, nor produce any noise. She can establish weak, fragile psychological contact with people. Sometimes when mortally wounded she will let out a deafening screech.  The mimes have only ever heard this sound once or twice. 

Her body parts can move around to protect her carapace, but usually can’t completely cover her. She always has a weak spot somewhere. She usually is fast enough to cover it though. 

Her attack power is boosted in hot and bright locations. 

Her attack power is weakened at night and in misty, cold areas. 

They have no discernible head in their puppet form, though they can manifest various body parts: 

She has a single eye with three massive eyelashes on the top and bottom that can see 180 degrees around her. This is a permanent and unchangeable feature of her puppet form. 

Sometimes she can manifest in a pair of disembodied jaws (think something like a beartrap) that can bite. 

When mortally wounded, she will make her body parts as large as possible and tries to put them together in a manner that will shield as much as her body allows while arranging them in a fashion that deflects as much damage as possible and makes it harder to do close range damage. If near a large open area with dirt, they will burrow their exposed weak spot into the ground. 

Voiceclaim: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=1OB-MvZBAiU 

𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐩𝐡𝐚

Not much rn, she just likes lamps and sleeping even though she doesn't really need to

Based on a Venezuelan poodle moth

She is in a similar place on the color spectrum to Atrox and therefore is somewhat aware of things to come, albeit to a lesser extent.

Yeah uh she is. Uh a lot more mature than she looks lol

Voiceclaim: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=JrvMNLJJpWU

𝐌𝐨𝐫𝐩𝐡𝐚 (𝐏𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐭 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐦)

[art missing]

Projectiles will just get trapped in her fluff. 

Her wingbeats stir up breezes when she flies by virtue of just how large she is. 

When in flight she tucks her legs in and folds them close together. She does the same for her antennae to make her more aerodynamic. She can also float. 

She can sleep while flying or floating, sometimes remaining motionless for hours floating in a warm spot under the sun. 

She is probably the most peaceful puppet form of all my OCs tbh. No fighting, just eeber deebers

Nothing super special atm.

𝐑𝐞𝐛𝐞𝐤𝐚𝐡

Bad relationship with Laurus and by extension Holly

Big believer in being your true self

Meme and YTP references. Will laugh if you say "fresh avocado" or "I wonder what's for dinner"

Hair is fluffy n soft

Hates. Being yelled at

Hot topic dweller

Yes her belts are either stolen or yoinks from abandoned places she has scavenged from lmao

"iS tHaT (insert Pokemon game here)" (super exaggerated :0 face)

Afraid of disappointing people close to her and making them mad

Frigus doesn't really like her (she has a bad habit of infantilizing him and babying him since she thinks he's the cutest thing ever and ends up fawning over him to an overbearing degree)

Loves partying and nightlife but ironically is the type of person to drink apple juice instead of booze (and somehow act drunk off it), say "frick", and tell people why vaping is bad for you

𝐑𝐞𝐛𝐞𝐤𝐚𝐡 (𝐏𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐭 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐦)

She glows and flickers like a neon sign-glowstick and can show patterns on her body like an LED display. She usually just changes through the colors of the rainbow though. Like one of those gaming PCs. 

Loud and energetic as ever. Still friendly af in puppet form- will talk to you and hang out. Kinda like a neon scene kid bat version of Clifford the Big Red Dog.

Vomits up neon rainbow glowstick fluid. Is it hemolymph? Who knows! 

Drools acid and can and will inject it into your bloodstream with an efficiently delivered bite (tfw someone wont stop fucking w you and you """accidentally""" increase the pH in their blood to fatal levels :3). 

Voiceclaim (both mime and puppet form): https://youtu.be/HRQsMCk1PpI?si=o-haxW7XpXXFO-m6

𝐌𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐲 (incomplete!)

[art missing]

If insanity were measured with a thermometer, Misery would be fever pitch. Wired, beset with an endless hunger that only gets worse when they host, endowed with an unholy amount of stamina, and hyperviolent, she’s at best an annoyance and at worst a living chainsaw. 

Sometimes, he'll be laughing hysterically, chasing after a meal and wallowing in madness. Other times he'll bawl hysterically or have outbursts of wrath. His emotions are so extreme, they blur together sometimes.

Without moving and using up their energy (regardless of whether they're hungry or not), they'll find themselves stressed out (kind of like Vigoroth from Pokemon, i guess).

When they're on a rampage, Misery can't be stopped (sort of)! They're one hell of a biter. they've also got razor-sharp claws on them, so they've got no problem tearing through a carapace or shredding down a door or two to catch you!

Their brain will solely run on adrenaline and instinct, so consequences are(n't) a problem for them.

Misery isn’t stupid- however, his impulsivity is his downfall. In the end his hunger and boredom are what drive him and almost all of his actions. They're in a constant cycle of madness and sobriety.

They’re willing to try their best to be good- of course they’ll try to be good, whatever the hell that means! They’ll try until their frenzied hunger consumes them once more. :)

Voiceclaim: https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=dd9GxCqCGnU

𝐌𝐢𝐬𝐞𝐫𝐲 (𝐏𝐮𝐩𝐩𝐞𝐭 𝐅𝐨𝐫𝐦) (incomplete!)

[art missing]

[desc missing]

Voiceclaim: [missing]

[henrysglock]

dude creels are supposed to represent the byers, lol. how the hell karen is virginia coded? virginia was calling henry broken and such. she is lonnie's direct parallel. viktor is supposed to represent joyce, they are literally given the same lines. and alice is supposed to represent the jonathan, henry's big sibling. and henry is supposed to represent will. it is just gender bent byers family.

Okay, dude, let me direct you to my Link Library. It's pinned at the top of my blog. I have a post talking about Karen and Virginia vs Billy and Henry in there that details how they're the same. Begging you to read that.

The fact is that none of this is mutually exclusive because it's all tied together on a spectrum.

The Creels exist as a direct, clear, black and white foil to the Byers. They show us what Will could have been, and by extension what Henry could have been, if their places were reversed. They exist in static. They're extremes. They don't show us how the spectrum works.

So what about the Wheelers?

They're showing us the progression in real time. It shows us how a family exists in-between the extremes, and how change at any time can affect the outcome.

The Wheelers are so similar to the Creels. They're well off, they're normal, Karen/Virginia is the bad blonde mother, Ted is the ignorant father who does genuinely love his children, Nancy is the golden child older sister, and Mike is the gay scapegoat son who's slipping through the cracks. I'll come back to Holly.

The Wheelers are at a turning point. This is why character growth arcs will be so important in ST5.

Karen needs to actively show that she loves her children, rather than this "he'll come to us when he's ready" and "punishing/blaming Mike for his trauma response to Will's disappearance instead of meeting him with compassion" bullshit. That is how she escapes the Virginia coding she's progressed into across the seasons in ST5.

Ted needs to open his eyes. He needs to wise up and start actively fighting back. No more "ask your mother" "sit lamely in front of the TV" bullshit. He needs to continue his S4 discovery arc and physically fight back in ST5. He needs to escape his Victor-coding.

This directly ties into Mike, our Henry figure.

ST1: Karen is brunette, and she's the supportive Mike that we see her be.

ST2: She's got blonde highlights and the Virginia bangs make an appearance. This is the season where she punishes Mike for his trauma-linked misbehavior instead of reaching out with compassion.

ST3: She's full blonde with Virginia bangs and she's hitting on teenagers. Mike is still in Hawkins, but she has no idea where he is. At all. Meanwhile she's here supporting Nancy and giving her pep-talks. She's lost Mike.

ST4: She's still blonde, but the style is different. She's got the bangs, but she's also got a perm. She's changing. She's getting back to ST1 Karen, but she's not there yet. Mike is physically gone. When he comes back, she meets him with love (love that seemed to surprise him, if you recall).

I wouldn't be surprised if Karen is brunette with no bangs again in ST5, in which she moves back to the Joyce end of the spectrum. I think maybe she'll be supporting Mike more, she'll be actively fighting, she'll be in good mom mode.

Ted hasn't changed much across the seasons, not until ST4. His change may result in his death, which shifts our final picture to an inverse 1959 Creel/current Byers state.

Mother present, father gone. Both siblings alive and cared for. They've fully escaped the Creels.

Now I said I'd come back to Holly, and I'm doing that now.

Holly ties in with my siblings analysis part 2, and I'd suggest you read it for more detail. It's in my pinned post. To summarize:

El is the little sister Henry holds on to in hopes of replacing/atoning for Alice. This is why he keeps her around instead of just killing and absorbing her, and why he's so upset that she keeps going against him. She's the littlest sister in the Creel household by association.

Holly is the exception that proves my point. Holly completes the pattern.

It might be easier for me to diagram it.

Adult Henry wanted El to be his second sister, younger. She said no. El tried to become Mike's sister ("Nancy can be like your sister!" "Will you be like my brother?" "No"). He said no. El became Will's second sibling, and I'll bet she's younger than Will (who is already the oldest in the Party). They said yes.

This all works narratively because of the family structure and narrative patterns. El rejects Adult Henry because he's the opposite of the way he was the last time Alice was alive. El couldn't be Mike's second sister...because he already has one. El becomes Will's second sibling because Will is almost identical to Young Henry. So of course El, the Alice-proxy figure, adores Will and he adores her in return.

I hope that all makes sense.

We can use these two extreme families to figure out how the Wheeler family is going to end up in ST5.

If Karen/Ted begin to act less like Virginia/Victor and act more like Joyce/Jonathan (parentified), then they'll end with the inverse of the Creel ending (and vice versa).

Less like Creels: Karen, Nancy, Mike, and Holly live. Ted dies.

More like Creels: Ted lives. Karen, Nancy, Mike and Holly die.

This is why Nancy sees Karen, Mike, and Holly die but makes no mention of Ted. She's seeing the Creel ending, which is what Henry anticipates.

But Henry is a mirror, so we're going to get the inverse of Nancy's vision.

Hope this helps!

[rageagainstthesink]

Intro: Loneliness

Dear whoever ends up reading this,

Nice to meet you! I'm Naomi, and I'd like to officially welcome you to my personal blog. ☀️

Originally, I had been posting these letter-styled posts using Blogger, and in Spanish because it’s my mother tongue. Then I decided to post them on Tumblr instead, and write them in English because… well, why not?

If I had a dollar for every time I’ve redesigned or made major changes to this thing, I’d be having a shopping spree by now.

Anyway, brace yourself for a journey full of my view on diverse topics, explained in the weirdest ways.

So. The day I had first written this particular entry was February 7th, 2023. The word "February" automatically makes me think of Valentine's Day every time, even right now. I mean, we're pretty much bombarded with propaganda surrounding love and common gifts, like chocolates, around that time of the year from the day we're born since the Industrial Revolution, so it makes sense to see it that way, right? You know, like how we associate December with Christmas. Well, unless you don't celebrate it due to religious or cultural differences, of course, but you get the Christian version of the picture.

Ironically, thinking about Valentine's Day also made me think a lot about how lonely life gets once you realize that, after all, you're not just an extension of your mother, but your own individual person. And it's a process most of us don't even remember going through, because we were babies the moment it happened.

My elders used to say something about this along the lines of "you are the only person that will be with you for the rest of your life". Which isn't a bad thing at all, it's actually great news for the self-love industry!

Kidding.

Though, this way of viewing life can get a little sad if you think about it enough. Like, we can't even consider it a fact that our parents, unconditional love and all, will be with us forever in most cases. And I'm not just talking about them passing away before we do, or moving out and far from them.

In my own personal experience, for instance, there have been a few times when my mom and I had big fights that convinced me for a week or so that I'd lost her, which in turn helped me realize we can't really take anyone for granted.

I may have described a very specific type of case, but overall it's still a grain of sand in the desert of statistics.

Back to the point, since I share about fifty Facebook memes a week, I can no longer find this one that described how being in your early 20s can get ✨ supalonely ✨, as Benee kindly put it, because your childhood friends become busy with college, work, fitness, relationships, and, well, trying to put their lives together. Or something like that, I have long-term memory issues on top of that.

Never in my life have I been part of a large group of friends to assure you this is completely true, but I've heard that it's normal for those to start going their separate ways during this period due to conflicting schedules, get-togethers that can never take place, falling out of touch, growing apart due to differences, etc., and so most are left with only a third of the people they used to hang out with.

In fact, I did see this happen with my cousin M's friend group - there used to be like 10+ of them that she told me about in high school, but now that they're all college-aged I've only seen her hang out with 3 of them consistently. Until she moved out of the country, that is.

I mean, it's totally valid to drop a relationship with anyone that no longer vibes with you as you continue to grow as a person, and there's also people like me who kinda don't like (hate) messenger apps and are difficult to stay in touch with, but if it's so easy for someone to stop talking to you even if it's just to ask how you're doing once a month and leaving it there, I guess you just weren't really destined to be more than acquaintances.

People can choose to prioritize themselves or other aspects of their lives before us as their friends, which sounds awful for the person who's being abandoned, but oftentimes it's a healthy thing to do. Plus, it's inherent to human life, too. Like EXO's D.O. sung, «people come and people go» - literally the only Love Shot lyric I can quote as someone who can't speak Korean yet -, which is a solid paraphrasing of that one Heraclitus' quote about rivers.

On the other hand… this is more of my biological father’s point of view, but as a man in his 40s that still has 10+ year friendships with more than 10 people, I'd believe in him when he says that true friends would never be "too busy" to make plans with you.

Then again, he also said humans could live off 5 hours of daily sleep with no issues once, regardless that there are actual studies that prove otherwise… sometimes, and only sometimes, I am worried for that man.

Now, let's continue. As of this year, I'd say I'm in that very situation in which most people you've met sort of moved on past you, and you're no longer aware of what's going on in their lives.

There are no more than 10 people I can consider close to me because I don't go out that often - too expensive! -, paired with my eternal problem with messenger apps. And the funniest part is 4 of these potential 10 people are family members, plus my boyfriend, whom I've been living with for a year now, so he's technically the only one I choose to speak to on a daily basis.

Plus, it's not like making new friends is that easy where I live. Not for me, at least, thanks to being too weird for the average person.

Much like when moving into a new school, a new town, or a new anything really, it's easy to feel like people just don't want to add any new close friends to their list nowadays - and I don't mean the IG ones.

And as if things couldn't get any worse in the loneliness department, being able to meet a new friend is NOT the most challenging part, but the one that follows.

Talking.

Imagine - maybe both parties do want to get closer to each other. However, neither one or the other person knows what to say, or there might not be enough trust between them to tell for sure what can be shared and what not. Ideally, of course, you'd want to avoid that, and get yourself friends you can be your authentic self around and have all sorts of conversations with.

But nooo, "it takes all sorts to make a world", said God. Maybe.

I mean, I can't be the only one who has experienced fewer instances of making new lasting friends than those where the other person is never the first one to strike a conversation while I keep making the effort to send them messages every so often to stay in touch, and then one day I stop putting in the work and the other person doesn't even budge; as they say, better alone than in bad company, huh?

The more the latter case happens, it eventually becomes exhausting to be nice to people that most likely will forget all about you as soon as you stop trying to connect with them.

Luckily, there still are nice souls out there like my ex-coworker, Angel, who wishes me a Feliz Jueves every Thursday up to this day. I haven't even watched Neon Genesis Evangelion to understand the meme/reference, but appreciate the thought a lot!

Can't blame people for being cautious nowadays, though. I totally understand why someone would be hesitant to welcome a new face into their lives, considering most of us don't really know what others' true intentions are when approaching us, and that I've even insulted people (mostly men) over that - to be fair, you'd be surprised at the amount of dudes sliding into pretty girls' DMs literally only to test their luck with their crappy rizz.

You could say that what ultimately inspired me to expose myself to the endless possibilities of the Internet by sharing my thoughts and feelings online was a combination of my love for writing stuff, my little regard for what non-friends think and a dash of loneliness due to being physically isolated from humans that are not my boyfriend with my dropping out of college and landing a work-from-home job, along with the previously mentioned stuff that's made me less keen on socializing ofc.

I could've used the journal my boyfriend gifted me a while back to do this, or post shorter, almost cryptic versions of these in X (Twitter), but I had always wanted to have a blog very specifically. I just didn't know what to write about up until earlier this year.

Now, Blogger has been an awesome platform to work with, but time constraints require me to opt for one that's more accessible for… well, everyone. So why not create a space here where I can express myself and maybe even find or inspire others that might be feeling the same way?

So yeah, that's the line of thinking that led me to inaugurate a blog with a pen-pal × music playlists theme going on.

I really really hope you enjoy your time here, and can't wait to hear from you one day!

Until next time 🌝

- N

[toughaura]

               to keep her athletic body, tifa trains daily with one or two rest days in between. her training includes using her punching bag that she brought one day to keep her room somewhat decorated. she makes sure to always have her basic forms down that zangan taught. another big factor in being able to maintain her figure, she also likes to take a protein shake after she finishes training. it’s an important factor in helping rebuild the muscles after a workout. 

[af1899]

FEH - Finally got the first merge on Hoshidan Summer Micaiah + appreciation post

With [Hall of Forms] now finished and all the rewards obtained, I can now rest at ease forgetting it, so I went to [Forging Bonds] and just got the last [Divine Codes: Ephemera 8] to give Micaiah her well earned merge, and here it is, her RES bane is no more.

While I don't see her often in [AR-D], I've come to understand why she's a good option here: she fills a very unique niche as a refresher with min-maxed attack and resistance that deals effective damage on armored and cavalry units, she aged really well as a unit despite her having one of the lowest BST values of her class but her refine will eventually come out and make her outstanding, I'll wait for it before I invest too much in her.

Anyway, this is not what I appreciate Micaiah, so I'll tell you a little story below and sum up my reasons, there'll be minor spoiler warnings and it's a tad too extensive but I hope you'll find it an interesting read if you do look on it.

I've known about her ever since I started to play Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn after I got my black Wii back in 2015 for my birthday and unlocked it to sideload USB games some time after, but it took me a little to feel like trying it and get it running, I used to be a guy that just trained whoever seemed likeable enough from looks so that I could get on, not as attentive with the plot of every game I play as I am now, but I've started to change that around the time I've started Final Fantasy VIII on the second half of 2019, a game that was truly legendary and emotional Imo.

This is more or less how I've come to known her, but I want to share what sparked interest on me for her:

It took me exactly two weeks to realize I wanted her so badly, it helped that when Lilina was announced, I'd need a [Feh Pass] subscription for just this month, and I got it with help from a friend, to date, I'm still grateful to that user for the support and for us to continue upholding a strong bond.

In any case, when the time came, I realized how charming this skin was, it's one of the best we've gotten, the Hel thematic looks wonderful on her (what a delightful blend of colors and precise styling by Sachie, same person that made the art for Legendary Julia and Sara, yes, more favs 💜) and the art is overall just too good but the best piece out of the four is the normal one I think, and I'll explain why while covering my favorite part of character talking: personality.

Micaiah is a kind and caring girl towards those she holds dear, specially the people of the country she eventually leads as a queen: Daein, located in the Tellius continent.

«I don't really like crowds. Sometimes, I sneak off to the forest to catch a break. I'm guessing the guiding hand of this army might need a break, too!»

— Micaiah: Priestess of Dawn, Fire Emblem Heroes.

She also has a bit of a bitter side but that's not how she normally comes off, yet, this doesn't come out without a reason, she was born a Branded (a human born from a human and laguz unity that end up getting a special power and an irremovable brand somewhere in their body, highly discriminated in Tellius), she had to hide her brand to anyone but her closest friends like Sothe so that she's not mistreated.

She's highly capable of selflessness, symbolized through that power she's gotten: [Sacrifice], it heals the target's wounds at the cost of her life force, she can recover just fine, but it exhausts her in return. This has allowed her to heal without staves and get the recognition from her people in Daein, like when she was first fleeing Begnion forces in Nevassa (capital city of Daein) while repelling bandit attacks, the citizens blocked the path when Micaiah and the Dawn Brigade (it's a group she leads to liberate her country) flee, but before she could escape, she sensed danger, and spotted a young guy being hurt from an arrow a Begnion soldier shot to a child named Nico, who would remember Micaiah's act of kindness for nursing him back to health almost instantly.

There were some times in which Micaiah also had to make really tough decisions, for example: Ike's army was tasked by Apostle Sanaki of Begnion to escort her to her country as they were trying to uncover the vile senate's acts, they had to pass through Daein territory, but because of a [Blood Pact] (a contract that enforces its signer's obedience to avoid a greater catastrophe) that Pelleas (that's the former king of Daein's son) signed under the false pretention that was a peace treaty the senate proposed. Micaiah had to hinder Ike's army advancement to see if she can trick the Begnion senate so she sent her soldiers to fight for that... she wanted to give time to Pelleas so that he could find a way to remove the effects from the [Blood Pact], as they couldn't just be removed normally. She had to make those sacrifices all because of a contract, and she couldn't even just tell Ike that she was forced to follow orders, the attacks from Daein forces didn't make much sense to him naturally. It was her people or her soldiers, so she had to make such decisions that tested her willpower, yet she's strong at heart and carried out with the orders she was given.

In Fire Emblem Heroes, she doesn't talk much about those events, but that's because she wishes to be free from the chains of past days, even if for a moment, she shows a friendly personality towards the Summoner and still being herself. She became queen of Daein and led her people to an age of prosperity, welcoming both laguz and human alike.

Now, all this and more things you'd learn as you play Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn (or may remember from your playthroughs) show how strongly developed and compelling she is as a character, there's a lot going in her life and she lived many difficult moments, yet she got through and grew into a kind and strong-willed woman, she truly impressed me, and I think she's truly pretty, like, I mean:

(Artwork from Fire Emblem: Radiant Dawn Memorial Book Tellius Recollection: The Second Volume)

I won't deny that the Resplendent skin is magnificent and gave me the last push-up to play her home game after a long time and learn more about her, but I could see what kind of character she is and what makes her truly special... true, she's not my "best girl" (see PFP) but I still hold her dear as if she was almost high up there. And it's said that "nothing beats the original", so I certainly love her original design.

Here's a little showcase of the other two variants of her I have, I'm missing only her Bridal alt and the possible Legendary one coming later in this month, but here are them:

I love all her official art and how it manages to bring out her friendliness and tender side.

I'm so glad that so far, I've lucked out well with her IVs save her Hoshidan Summer alt, and she appeared randomly when pulling for others most of the time, so it's great to have her now, even as-is.

Her Brave variant from 2019 should be getting a refine next month or any time for the remainder of 2021, I know it'll be good but I would already love to know what it'll do before I give her anything else.

...

And here ends my appreciation post and optional read, if you've made it this far, thank you so much for reading, it means a lot to me if you've come to enjoy it.

[reylo-love-theme]

Post TROS Meltdown

Disclaimer: these are my personal feelings for the series and may not reflect your opinions. I just need a space to say them. Thank you.

I went into TROS completely blind and with no doubt that Ben would live (due to reading hundreds of fan analyses and predictions based off TLJ and TFA) and I have to say I'm emotionally unsalvagable. Anticipation for this movie got me through the roughest year of my entire life and this heartbreak and loss is what I'm supposed to end off on?

Like the entire movie came out of the left field and body slammed me into the ground.

They did so many fake deaths that I stayed waiting long into the credits for Ben to come back.

I kept hoping for an final scene...

COME ON EVERYONE and I MEAN EVERY mainish or even side character GETS a HAPPY ENDING EXCEPT THE TWO PEOPLE THAT NEEDED IT THE MOST. THE PROTAGONISTS.

What is supposed to be the moral of the story here.

Star wars is a space fairytail about HOPE and LOVE. IT was supposed to be reverse anidala!!! THE BIG THING ABOUT THAT SHIP WAS THAT IT WAS A TRAGEDY.

THE MOST SIGNIFICANT IMPACTFUL REVERSE IS TO GIVE LOVE AN HAPPY ENDING.

DO YOU SEE THE HOPE IN MY LITTLE EYES. DO YOU?!? *incoherent sobbing*

(Please don't read if you are just going to counter it in the comments. This is solely a personal opinion meltdown and not an attack on anyone or anything. I'm not a words smith and this might come out like senseless rambling but this is a meltdown post hahaha *cries* )

The cinematics and the fighting choreography were incredible. But I went to see the HEART of SW. I went solely to see that happy reylo ending.

Don't even get me started on what they did with Rey (the whole point of her arc was that a nobody can still be stand tall, love, and be a hero)

And Kylo/Ben (can redemption is rewarded with non-death for once?!?) It wasn't even a necessary death! He didn't have to die saving Rey!! They didn't even get like 5 minutes together without fighting?!? Like TLJ set it up perfectly! (Ben defeats Palp with Rey's help and Rey is by his side as he turns back to the light)(How come she called him Ren the entire time until the last scene?! Wasn't she the one who believed most in him?!?). His death had little impact on the audience!! Because there was no previous set up of romance!! There wasn't even happy moments like anidala or hanleia had... There was just...an end in death.

And it wasn't even mourned properly. We only see Rey grieve for all of 2 seconds?

The kiss scene was amazing! The way Ben crawled back to his love was so emotionally powerful! HIS EYES WERE IN SUCH PAIN. Rey grinned! He GRINNED BACK! THEY KISS! HE DIES!! How come no one cared about him afterwards?!? Why is Rey just being like "eh alright thats cool dude".( in the theatre I was so ticked off when someone laughed when he was legit trying to crawl back with broken ribs and a leg) I think it came out so left field for the people who weren't reylo! There was like barely hints that they loved loved each other. (Literally Poe and that girl had more romantic time together!)

Or there were hints on Kylo's side but NOT ENOUGH ON REYs. She juat attacked him and attacked him for the whole movie. (Yes I get that she was "struggling with the dark side" or whatever but Kylo was struggling too and he physically never hurt Rey (beyond unintentionally emotionally)) it made me question if Rey even loved him anymore and that was a huge blow. I couldn't sense this girl at all. Like I thought her tears were for Leia and Not BEN who she Literally Just stabbed. That was how shocked cold I was.

(WHY WAsnt he allowed to "love" rey from the begining of TROS instead of just going back to TFA Style KYlo) (It felt so forced and awkward from how he was in TLJ, I kept feeling like Adam tried to salvage it but he had so few lines it was sooo hard (he did a great job with showing his love and redemption of Ben even with the lack of lines though))

NOW HERE IS WHERE IM TRUELY MAD.

What message am I supposed to take away from their love story?

That broken characters do not deserve love? That trying to change results ultimately in death? That you can only been redeemed in death? That your family is willing to help a random member from their enemies bloodline but not their own kid who still loves them very much he literally dropped his saber when his mom died and gets stabbed and he still turns back because of his dad's last words even though he's been mistreated and neglected by his family and manipulated and abused by palp! What was the point of Leia putting down her lightsaber if not to save her son's life?!? Not end it by letting Rey pick it up?!?

Its 2019! Stop making redeemed villains die because you are too cowardly to give them the hard recovery journey afterwards!

As an abuse victim I related personally to his character and I felt cheated because of how cheap his death was treated. The message I had hoped to take away from this work was that it's not too late to save yourself! You get to decide who you want to be, not destiny, not family, not a skywalker curse! You can change your life! Recover from your abuse and heal your damaged heart. Find your found family in someone who believes in you and loves you even when you are flawed. Your bloodline is irrelevant to how you are. You don't have to pay the price for your family's crimes because you are not an extension of your family's will. You are your own person. Keep your love even in dark times because your heart will save you. (Wasnt that the whole point?! Ben solo had a heart! HE HAD A BIG HEART. That was the cause of the whole internal conflict!?? What does it mean that his love for rey killed him(I dont care that its symbolic or whatever, he still died. Thats not a good ending because he literally wasn't shown with his family or even with Rey, he just disappeared ?!?)

Like okay maybe there is a "tenth movie" or book to revive him. Like the openness of the movie leaves that space. But it was a hurtful move because no one would expect that since the trilogy has ended. Everyone fully expected a happy ending to wrap up NINE MOVIES OF TRAGIC LOVE. I mean I'm all for redeemed Ben solo and I'm so glad they at least gave him that and Rey's kiss. I'm only going to rewatch those parts from now on. For me the movie ended when he smiled.

[ghoststar-au]

Blogs I Admire

In no Particular Order

Warning: This is literally just me showering praises over all of these artists and having fan panic attacks. I love of these creators with all of my fragile little heart.

As the title says, this list has no particular order. If you asked me to try, I'd curl up in horror.

----

1. @badgerclaw-of-shadowclan

I'm going to be honest- I came for the awesome gore pic of Swiftpaw's death. It was so detailed and realistic, I keep grinning when I see it. That was a gore standard I aspire to meet. When you get agitated messages from people not apart of the warriors fandom in the notes despite tagging it, you know you did good.

On that note, I'm also very sheepishly thankful for them pointing out that cats are rectangles. That'll probably help me in the long run. Style will be something interesting ro develop and I definitely want them to be an art parent.

2. @climbdraws

Aaah! The acurracy! The fantasy! I think I've bumped into their YouTube account? I'm not certain but if they're the same account I'm thinking of, I'm gonna cry. I love anatomy and the expressions. It's that semi-realism that I'm aiming for with my work.

3. @am-i-too-old-for-warriors-yet

...

Just look at that anatomy. And all of the improvement. That's some inspiring crap right there. And it's not just with cats either because they do dogs and asdhklfk. Okay, okay. I'm calm now.

...no I'm not. Ahshfhfksojeijejldf

4. @eviadriart

Not much for me to say here other than the backgrounds. And i say there's not much for me to say because it goes like this:

Them: *posts picture*

Me (happy): *sobs*

5. @trunswicked

Look. I am a simple cat artist. I don't understand other species' anatomy. So when I see stuff like this, I lose my freaking mind.

Reptiles are not my strong suit (and as an httyd fan, that hurts to admit) and dragons are next to impossible for me sometimes. It's a lot of practice I need to do and I'm aware of it.

So while I came for the awesome cats, I stayed for the AWESOME dragons gah! I need to get on that level.

6. @songsteps-designs/@songsteps

Everything they make is so frickin fluffy and soft looking. The cats are fluffy slinkies that fight like they're dangerous. Their Jayfeather design is amazing and this is a hill I will die on okay?

7. @annoyinghorse

Look. I have a confession to make. I was and probably always will be a Saddle Club gal okay? Horses are terrifying amazing creatures that deserved fear respect from everyone. I love horses but their

Anatomy. Freaking. Sucks.

I praise anyone who can draw horses properly ans especially different kinds of horses. I'm always so happy to see their work cross my dash and they took the Horse!AU idea and ran with it and I-

There is literally one other blog I saw with this but I saw annoying horse first and I will always associate it with them.

8. @clockbirds

...shut up. I'm not crying over art, you're crying over art. Just because they have awesome backgrounds, amazing textures, gorgeous dynamics, faint worthy fantasy creatures-

*sobbing intensifies*

----

@kaisertiger

Okay so this one is a little personal. When I first startes drawing warrior cats, I came across their DeviantArt. I fell absolutely in love with this style and everything about it. This is exactly where I wanted to take my skills and abilities for so long. I loved the art they did for all their rp's ams stuffs. It's a literal goal in life to reach a point where I can look at their art and then at mine and smile concluding I finally got to that starting line.

And I mean it. I've always considered them the starting line. The line where all the well esteemed and fantastic artists branched. That is the level I desire to meet. When I draw my battle cats, this is what I want to achieve and everytime I see their work I'm reminded of it.

This got really long but yeah, they're an art hero of mine. Appreciate them.

---

More to come and this list will probably end up extensive so yeah.