moonkhao · 3 months ago
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hi.
#i know most of you didn’t even realize i was gone#but man���#my mental health was like in a state of 📉📉📉 in the past 30 days like we love being mentally ill and fucking insane <3#it was mostly bc i panicked and started obsessing over possible water damage in my flat kind of out of nowhere#like it started when my landlord came to check my bathroom bc my downstairs neighbours had water stains on their ceiling back in july#which had been caused by their shower curtain apparently but i was already spiraling when my landlord told me so i was sure it was my fault#i was assuming it was bc of me bc i had sometimes been spilling some of my bathwater and i was like WHAT IF IT HAS GONE THROUGH THE FLOOR?#and it didn't help that it has been hot af and very humid in my apartment LIKE WELL OVER 25 DEGREES AND 60% HUMIDITY#anyways i couldn’t shake this not matter what i tried and my fucking insane brain made me think i was going to get arrested for like#flooding the whole building or for causing some sort of mold infestation#i had SO MANY panic attacks; i wasn't able to sleep; i wasn't able to eat; i was on edge and panicky basically 24/7 so fun fun fun :D#and i kept waking up in the middle of the night and HAD to go check my walls or the space below my kitchen#it was compulsory like i couldn't not get up and go check and tbh i would've thrown out all of my furniture if i could've to check for mold#(and shhhh i know how fucking insane this sounds but having a mentally ill brain that's anxious all the time does suck ass sometimes 🥲)#(the worst thing about it tho was that i was SO AWARE of how insane about this i was being and yet i couldn't stop losing my mind over it)#(also i was so ready to move tf outta here bc i couldn't handle being triggered 24/7 which is why my mom let me stay with her last week )#i was so out of it that i couldn't even let myself do the things i usually enjoy... like at all#like watching my shows or spending any ungodly amount of time on tumblr... or replying to messages i got from people who i love#ig this goes to show HOW bad this actually was for me mentally bc usually tumblr and my shows are like my safe place#anyways we finally had a leak detection dude come over today and we had him check the water levels in my walls#and he said everything is fine and he specifically told me i should stop worrying about any water damage BC THERE IS NO WATER DAMAGE#he also said that the weather has just been insanely humid this year so it's not surprising that the humidity levels are higher than usual#i’m still a bit scared about some possible mold but ig this is good enough for now#i am aware how ridiculous this must sound for anyone who's reading this now but couldn't let it go not even with meds so let me live pls :(#TLDR I WAS GOING THROUGH IT BUT I AM BACK I THINK AND I AM MOST LIKELY GOING TO START BOTHERING YOU WITH MY GIFS AGAIN <3#AND I JUST REALIZED I HAVEN'T EVEN SEEN ANY OF THE HEART KILLERS STUFF YET ASIDE FROM ONE OR TWO PICS LIKE :(#OH AND I NEED TO START WATCHING SUMMER NIGHT ;_;#sabrina talks#@AIRENYAH GIRL I AM SO SORRY I WILL PROBABLY REPLY TO YOUR MESSAGES LATER TODAY OR TOMORROW MORNING ;_;<3
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faaun · 6 months ago
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procrastination is starting to have its consequences finally
#on my friends living room floor they love together but one of them has been london for weeks or maybe months#to be with her love. im on a foam mattress from one of their beds next to a glass bottle of water opened by one of them#in a mug given to me by another. the weather felt like my childhood today and it also felt like 2 years ago.#(put space in the heavens Einstein's idea and hes your friend too so nothing to fear) around the table they drank and laughed and i thought#i hope you keep growing so full with the love you receive . i hope your appetite becomes insatiable from how used to it you are#and i know youre all leaving soon but i hope one day you miss this and that youll be happy you miss it#its worth missing i think#i thought he didnt care but he said after exams hes going walk around this area over and over#(this is near where he lived and where we visited almost daily for a year)#(hed come across the bridge on a lake)#we went where she used to live and at the entrance a fox sat calmly. it just yawned and stared.#it felt important somehow. i think maybe their impressions of me will never be close to how i feel inside but i think#i love them enough for that not to matter. i dont think theyll ever know this. i dont think if they did it would change much.#and seeing them smile makes my heart glow anyway. today i tried their malaysian tea the ginger burned my throat#they warmed my heart. hes going to canada soon and hes going to the US soon and shes going everywhere soon ill never understand#how were supposed to live with memories and with seperation and with the past but we do it anyway so i think it doesnt matter much#i wanted to write a poem for the lab rats with the fibre optic wires lit with blue forcing them to turn around and around#something about how im sorry that the two photon arrays burned the inside of your brain. im sorry about the sharp points of multielectrode#arrayes. im sorry about everything we do to you. she asked to see me tomorrow. im trying to have self control but i miss her so awfully#last night my friend talked to me and i updated on everything that happened with love and the lack of it and she just started laughing#and she told me about the same thing from her side. and she told me about how she loved london because she would walk the streets#and she felt like the people were her. and her eyes would go over the people and the bag of bagels and the construction men they probably#have a kid at home maybe shes a daughter. this kid is crying for her mother and the building you just walked past caused#blisters and pain and people died in it and very likely people were born in it. we talked for hours and i felt like#i was holding her hand just like that time she held mine watching a horror film. i love her so much#my friend is a genius and i remember her picking up the charms of my phone and staring at the leaf hanging from them. shes side stepping to#music drinking dangerous cider and cocktails from a movie and chit chatting with billionaires and undergrads#i love her dearly. his head covered in electrodes. she tells me about a syrian guy shes in love with and she says#what you feel and what i feel is like cocaine. ive tried a lot of fucking cocaine.#she says ive reminded her of what living actually feels like and to never put energy into someone who doesnt see me this way.
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opikiquu · 7 months ago
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im going to be so annoying all week
#agghagahah HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH HYYESAAHHHH#★ arin rambles#BRO BRO PLEASLE#PELASE#my apology for everyone. I have to make it now . Sorry. If youre following me destroy that notif button you dont wanna hear how worse i will#get#actually no just Unfollow entirely#ITS THE ADHD#PLEASE. HE IS SO . COOL. his trailer is so awesome IVE REWATECHED IT 3 TIME SNOW.#I LOVE HIMMMMMMM SO MUCHHHHH#I LOVE HIM SO BAD I JUST ADORE HIM PLEASE#HES SO PRETTY. JAW DROPPING. ICONIC. LIFE CHANGING. THE TEARS IN MY EYES. GENUINELY SOBBING RITHT NOW IT S SO OVER#aventurine likers hold me. Nobody understands. Everyone is scared of me im too crazy#actually its everything wrong with me . Hes ruining my life#i dont struggle as an aventurine liker i actually excel at this its my full rime job now#‘9 to 5’ no i work 9 to 9. Every hour is dedicated to him#im glad uguys agree with me thannk uou i was starting to think i was a freak#Well i am but im glad someone else agrees hes cool#Hes so pretty im so happy#I CAMT WAIT RILL WENDENSDAY PLEASE IM GONNA FREAKIFN BLOW UP#I LOVE AVENTURINE. I LOVE AVETURINE.#i get so happy when i see him i get a little violent its unsettling .#like im like shaking my hands and jumping around my room and then u blink and im bashing my head against the floor#its carpet. Im ok. But like not but i am#DUDE. I LOVE. THIS GUY. EVERYTHING ABOUT HIM#i needto. Just. Okay brb gonna watch ir like 20 more times ill see u guys next year im going into a Aventurine induced coma#this makes me realize people read my tags. Oh dear. Sorry everypony#i apologize for my behavior. I will get so much scarier.#HES SO COOL. HES ACTYALLU SO COOL. LIKE HOW CAN SOMEBODY BE SO COOL.#oh god OH LORERDRDRDDDDDDD WHEN I GET YOU BOY WHEN I FIND YOU. WATCH OUT. WATCH OUT I WILL GET YOU.
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wulfhalls · 7 months ago
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spaghett-onaplate · 2 months ago
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Oh I IMMENSELY fucked up this morning now I'm gonna be almost an hour late to work 😭
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arsenic-katnep · 8 months ago
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i apologize to anyone who knew me during 2021
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caluski · 1 year ago
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oh my god! sorry ive been talking about this for a month straight now, but i cannot believe its my last day of work tonight. 4 years! crazy stuff. im excited about so much more free time, about all the free NIGHTS especially, about coffee during DAYTIME???, and stressed out about the whole registering as unemployed and the job search and all the cv sending and job interviews... and of course upset about the no income thing, most importantly. but i do feel hopeful. hopeful and excited. so excited in fact that i have NO idea what to do tomorrow
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wabblebees · 9 months ago
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#have been attempting to make a self-tape for this audition for DAYS#after a whole helluva lotta bullshit having to do with hunting down a time+space+camera to film with i Finally managed to get some takes#then some weird bullshit with the camera's sd card happened where i wasnt able to pull the files off onto my laptop#FINALLY able to copy the files to my laptop. FINALLY able to access playback (the video camera i borrowed wouldnt let me access its gallery#FINALLY watching them... they all kinda suck so far but thats Fine at least i Have Them yk#get to take 7 and its actually not nearly as terrible as the previous 6!! feelin pretty good abt this one!! dont get hopes too high ofc but#i mean hey this ones acceptable if the last few arent any good either & just in case i cant go thru with my plans for tmrw to do a reshoot#so yk i start to rename the file so i can tell which clip it is!#Whole Laptop Crashes#WAHOO#typed this up to avoid freakin out while carefully rebooting her. bbg dont do this to me#luckily i already saved multiple contingency copies just in case (bc ive already had so many issues i was feelin Extra Cautious)#so i at least dont have to worry about dealing with the sd card bullshit Again. ugh#EDITING TO SAY: SHE LIVES!! laptop is fine after powering back up & files are unscathed!! was able to retitle & keep on truckin no problem#god i hate dealing with video as a medium#*this* is why im a stage performer not a screen actor lmao#fuck this shit. juust gimme a floor and an audience and ill make it worrk#cameras are fickle creatures on-par with printer machines#im rly excitednervous abt this audition tho; only submitted my resume+headshot on a whim & didnt rly think anything would come of it#but they contacted me and asked for a tape!! so im like !!!!! okayy sure id love to send that !!! i just have to face The Horrors first#if i dont get it then thats not the end of the world or anyth; but itd be SO FUCKING COOL if my v first submission landed me my first gig!!#so uhh. pls put out a good thought to the universe for my self-tape landing me the chance to perform in this queer play festival !!#bee speaks#🤞🤞🤞
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thedeadthree · 2 years ago
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— HOW DOES YOUR OC CRY?
TAGGED BY the loveliest @echo3-1 to take this uquiz for a few dears! ty ty so much macy! <3
TAGGING: @feystepped, @griffin-wood, @kingsroad, @risingsh0t, @chuckhansen, @queennymeria, @unholymilf, @marivenah, @leviiackrman, @denerims, @jendoe, @phillipsgraves, @morvaris, @noonfaerie, @malefiicarum, @50sjello, @jackiesarch, @aartyom, @jacobseed, @shellibisshe, @leondaltons, @blissfulalchemist, @florbelles, @pearlcscent, @shadowglens, @adelaidedrubman, @roofgeese, @veisshaupt, @loriane-elmuerto, @aceghosts, @swordcoasts and YOU! <3
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SILENT
a lot has happened to you. its demoralizing, i know. you cry with your head leaning against the wall, tears streaking your face. your lip quivers but your mouth stays firmly closed. you keep your problems to yourself to not bother anyone.
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FRUSTRATED
so many big things have happened that a little one sets you off. your angry and that anger turns to hot tears. you scream in frustration and try to verbally or physically release all of the anger by yelling/throwing things. eventually you fall into a pile on the floor full of brokenness.
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SOB
you are a sob. youve been through so much and the pain has finally caught up to you. you make soft broken noises as you cry. your life has been hard and everythings piled up on you, and in this moment it becomes too much. you sob for a few minutes before the tears stop and you just lay in pain. one of the worst cries.
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HAPPY
a lot may have happened to you, but in this moment it doesnt matter. everything will fall into place as God [the seven] intends it to. you know you will be okay, because whatever caused this cry is how it needs to be. the future is bright and so is your renewed sense of hope.
#only if you want to! 🤍🕊#oc: iovanna dayne#oc: una nathaira uller#oc: maekar targaryen#oc: alva amaranthine#if anyone needs me ill be on the floor crying hehe <3#IF UNA STARTS CRYING YOU START RUNNING BESTIEE anyway hers has me on the FLOOR#BABY GIRL U HAVE BEEN THROUGH THE MOST ITS TIME U DID MY LOVEE#and also start running since either u'll be the cannibals next lunch ORR aeggy'll have ur head bestie <3 dear boy u are down bad!#(and in his defense he is so right to <3 she deserves that bestie!)#VANNA AND SILENT? ARE YOU KIDDING? she has had to bear the weight of her own pain for so long and it is almost of habit ->#in that she is so vehement about not wishing to confide in others? ask daemy its like pulling teeth jhjdsnjk#but jokes on her bc the way she confides in him is without words? like he's gotten so good at reading her he just.. knows <3#blah blah twin flame lovers red string of fate etc etc <3#OO INCH RESTING maeky and frustrated..? WELL NOW CARO I GOTTA KNOW AERY'S#urlyx his hand would have his HEAD if they knew he was throwing things so he would NEVER kjnsakn but the rest? ACCURATE#its the maegy blood ksakj its him letting his emotions bottle up over time and him at the most inopportune of times at one tiny instance ->#she passed in knowing her son and grandson wouldnt bear the sins of maegy and their names were regarded in reverence from then on <3#IT JUST OVERWHELMS HIM u know? not me thinking of his reaction to cessairs passing after the dance? it’s equal parts frustration and grief?#its pacing its shouting at walls its goin on the back of zahkriisos to far off reaches while yelling dracarys into the heavens u know?#ALVA BABY YOU DESERVE GOOOD THINGS YOU LIGHT IN THE WORLD YOUU <3#her single remnant of the love of her life and her best friend r*haenys that and her altruism is what means the world to her!#and with that as the days are easier or harder than most for that she knows the seven haven't abandoned Westeros yet <3 AN ANGELL#leg.ocs#leg.txt#leg.tagged#MACYY THIS WAS SO CUTE TY TY DEAR FOR THE TAG <3#huzzah to moi as ​i actually post and it’s not ten at night 💞😌
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gremistired · 11 months ago
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Come one come all its time for Grem’s tism talks
Anyways so yeah no art in this post (cus let’s be real here I haven’t been drawing much other than a certain new oc you’ll see soon-) BUT
I finally got to watching captain laserhawk! :D and let me tell you..
I love captain laserhawk.
ITS SO GOOD IM ASINADJAHDHAHDNWSH RAAAAAHHHHHHHHHH
I LOVE BULLFROG!!!!!! SO SILLY!!!!!!!!! Like I loiked em before (cus a certain someone keeps posting in a discord server we are in about laserhawk, specifically Ramon and bullfrog and rayfrog, you know who you are.) but RAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE THE SILLY GOOFY HE DID NOTHING WRONG WHAT MURDAAAAA-
But yeah! I’m just here really to talk about how I enjoyed the show! It was so fucking good I don’t know why I procrastinated so hard on actually watching the show, I mean I wanted to watch party it but I just didn’t know when to plan it and since I’ve had so much free time recently (to the point it’s rotting my brain HELP ME I NEED TO BE FREEEE-) I just sat down and watched it and GOD IM GONNA
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Anyways! I really like laserhawk I loike dolph (silly gay man traumatized pretty boy) I loike Ramon (silly lil guy he didn’t do anything wrong look at him go! :D) I loike bullfrog (THE SILLLYYYYYY!!!!!! THE GUY!!!!!! THE GOOFY!!!!!!) I loike em all I hold these three fucks gently and purposefully place Ramon next to bullfrog because I personally think rayfrog should be canon but thats just me I mean look at them they deserve to be together I think Ramon and bullfrog should kiss and hold hands and go on a romantic moonlit dinner and kiss and hold hands
But yeah! All n all I enjoy gay people in a cyberpunk(ish) dystopian hellhole of a world n I love bullfrog and laserhawk and Ramon and If anything fucking happens to bullfrog or ANY OF THEM.. ANY OF THE-
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bunnyb34r · 1 year ago
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Whyyy am I having vertigo again?? It's such a fucking pain in my ass
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vitamin-zeeth · 1 year ago
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Being ill is so trippy I just enter a completely different wavelength and get so insanely fixated on an intensely specific as fuck thing and then the second I'm not ill it's all gone and I can do other things again
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narutomaki · 1 year ago
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my analog horror would be called the bozo chronicles because every time I think wow I should try and get into some well written and conceptualized horror they seem to be having so much fun and then I make it half way through a review actually watching it and have to do guided meditation and breathing excersizes to feel safe opening my eyes again
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orcelito · 2 years ago
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Calmed down from the panicking but i 100% found blood in tally's poop and so I'm gonna have to take her to the vet asap lol
She's acting completely normal rn at least. That's the one assurance I have rn.
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mental-skillness · 3 months ago
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ughh i just wish other people could be normal for three goddamn seconds. you ghosted me for five months bc u got a new girlfriend and she isn't chill w exes? wo-ow. okay. good to know our entire friendship / history means that little to u. that you're willing to cut me out entirely at a moments notice for some girl you just met.
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imgonnagetyoubacktv · 6 months ago
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it should be studied the way i immediately start crying after masturbating like girl where is the serotonin i was promised
#i just. the memories won't stop one after the other like a messy movie#all that talk about sex and love and a future together#all that teasing at night like oh think of me when you do it#and actually thinking of her for a whole year. how do i just forget#and the teasing the joking about who would play what role but both of us knowing exactly what would happen#but it was fun to tease#and the quiz the teasing referencing the quiz to make a point#and sometimes the honest convos truly vulnerable ones no teasing pure love and want#and sending clips on pinterest and them saying one day#and just. the full comfort and safety. and imagining your whole life with someone and suddenly you have to think aboit other people becaus#well they're gone. and they always said don't have hopes for the future i can't promise and i didn't listen#i think ive moved on but really i don't think i have just have gotten good at suppressing distracting#it's been. a little over a month and still it feels like everything is falling apart my house of dreams and hopes is falling apart around#me slowly and im just sitting in the floor crying#i shouldn't have listened to that gracie song i just. i saw her story and i thought she was going to release it and idk wanted to listen#one last time the youtube live version#ab aise lag raha ki back to square one#i keep having these thoughts involuntarily i don't know how to mske them stop#i remember few weeks ago i was hanging out with my bestie and i miss you im sorry started playing on shuffle from her playlist#and i was like fuck this song she told me about it we loved it gracie was like our artist#and i was like ok ill be brave and listen to it i have to one day na she's one of my fave artists#but we hadn't even reached the chorus and my bestie was like no and changed it immediately she must've seen something on my face#cause a hundred memories flashed before my eyes in those 10 something seconds#can u believe. having so many memories with someone you just text. what the fuck man i can't even remember my syllabus they should fade#okay goodnight
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