#i think the only time we ever dated a singlet was back before we became partitionary/multiple - hydraconscious

[plurillean-confessions]

Anyways, 💞 sysian bullshit 💞 (<- said positively) that singlets probably wouldn't understand (<- said negatively).

Stuff where it is like. This is physically impossible in the outer world. Even if it was a feasible thing in the external world. We can't really imagine this working outside our system. So, sometimes, there's just the weirdest most batshit intersections we have ever seen because we are sysian.

Or like. WDK. We've just had some very VERY weird relationships to plural sexuality and probably should've known earlier than a few months ago we are sysian on a collective basis with some interesting plurillean plural4plural exceptions.

-----

For one specific sysian relationship, if anyone ever manages to understand it, considers it as just as valid as external world relationships, and then somehow asks "oh so how did you all actually get together" we know what we are (not) telling them —

[Okay, NGL we have one headmate here whose eyes must have been, like, modified somehow, because he literally has that thing where if he's feeling Things they do this thing where his pupils? strat blinking like white LED lights???

Amd it's kinda

Hot

*KEYSMASHING* ]

What was not mentioned is, aforementioned pupils also literally turn into heart shapes. We stg he is just doing it on purpose sometimes (read: definitely does it on purpose with the express purpose of getting partners to throw themselves at him, lol, we guess ot WORKS fwiw?) lol.

It's not even a hypnosis thing, not that this would even be needed considering at least two of them. keep going at it like goddamn rabbits jeezus christ WDK what it is

And we're not even sure if that would work with other headmates to be honest. We have yet to find literally anyone else who does this and does it well.

-----

Another example:

Pretty sure one system member is just flat out bisexual and technically falls under the plurillean umbrella instead of the sysian umbrella, but he's also around so little these days and that system isn't one we've talked to in awhile.

But like. Our Bungo Stray Dogs fictive literally gave someone a bisexual awakening by fucking around/kinda-shitposting on (unspecified social media) and not realizing they gave someone a bisexual awakening until they posted, literally, something along the lines of they had to pause. And stare at the post(s).

Said person was in a DIFFERENT system, and literally was like "so if I wanted to fight on another plane where we both had our actual fighting capabilities, not being restrained by this moral coil, is that bisexual????" and we just.

Goddamn Ryunosuke. 😭

-----

Even then it's like. We have only fucked each other. External world fucking is a NOPE for us (excepting Ryunosuke???? the world may never know). It's not even connected to anything (as far as we can tell), we just...wdk.

The most connection we might be able to make for that one is like, MAYBE autism sensory stuff and headmates in your own brain inherently know those boundaries better. And we have excellent communication intra-system in ways that just make stuff more intimate (you can't really consensually overlay each others' perceptions, of any sort, on top of each other if each of you is in a different brainbody).

You could blame this or that or the other thing but we just...don't have much of a motivation regarding the external world, and every reason we throw at the wall like a wet noodle doesn't stick, even the reasons we could expect to stick.

Like, we'll consider if someone asks us (romantic interaction only) and we know them well, but we still don't consider that aroace because headmates are people...

-----

The only other system we ever dated in the external world was a piece of shit (not sure if you were around following when we were grieving, or even regrieving, The Eras and the fact we had to initiate that breakup ourselves Mod Lepton? sorry using mobile hopefully that's the name) but the fact is, we dated somesys who we had known since middle school, and it turned out THEY were a system too, and we didn't know until we were dating them. Lolsob.

-----

TLDR, "we're only gay for each other" has way many, many layers to it, to the point that we don't even really know how comprehensible we're being right now. Oops.

The fact is we've only ever been pulled to ourselves, or, very rarely, other plural systems. We're not sure what to make of that, so we're going to plug the JoJo's Bizarre Adventure joke:

Stands and stand users are automatically drawn to other stands and stand users. 😂😭😭😭😂

!

[prettywordsyouleft]

The Cowboy - Part 9

Summary: Leaving the city for a rural area called Blayne seemed simple enough. Your task was to convince the people to agree with selling their land for a resort redevelopment. But once there, you soon realise that your city ways are entirely different to theirs. Winning their trust was going to take some effort, and when you start to fall for a local cowboy, you wonder if you really needed Blayne more than the city life after all.

Pairing: Jung Jaehyun x female reader

Genre: cowboy au / drama / romance / if you squint there’s some enemies to lovers up in here.

Warnings: Jung Jaehyun is a cowboy, need I say more? (a bit of angst and drama, and it sometimes might feel like you’re reading a Nicolas Sparks book, so I’m told lol)

Word count: 2332

This series will be updated every Thursday and Friday.

Preview | 1 | 2 | 3 | 4 | 5 | 6 | 7 | 8 | 9 | 10

“Just one more,” you murmured, pressing your lips into Jaehyun’s before he could object.

He didn’t hesitate to kiss you back, chuckling softly when he separated. “You’ll have me late if you keep this up.”

“It’s not even light out yet,” you complained groggily, your hands blindly searching for a place to anchor onto.

“That’s the point. I need to get home, so I’m back in time to start the day when dawn arrives,” he reminded, reaching for those travelling hands and taking hold of them.

Your eyes had since adjusted to the dim lighting in the bedroom, and you noticed the embers from last night hadn’t yet been put out within Jaehyun’s gaze. You stoked the fire a little more, shifting your leg to nudge his.

Jaehyun groaned. “You’re tempting fate, Y/N.”

“I’m attempting something,” you mentioned demurely and shook your hands that Jaehyun still held.

“Not even my Mum has made me turn up on that yard late, I’ll have you know. I can’t be having you ruin my good reputation.”

You pouted, but nodded the further your slumber rolled away and your mind became alert. Unhooking your leg from his, you sighed. “Your career is important. Go be the best cowboy you can be.”

“You’re so cute, you know that?” he breathed, grinning from your supportive statement.

“I aim to be everything you need,” you announced and Jaehyun, who had pulled himself to the side of the bed and reached for his jeans, halted his movement, glancing over his shoulder in thought at you. You reached for your hair, assuming he was taking in your abominable morning state. “What? Do I look ugly?”

“No. You’re the most beautiful person I’ve ever laid my eyes upon.”

“You better go before my heart starts ruling over this head of mine and I take back about being supportive of your needs and aim to satisfy mine,” you confessed, and Jaehyun shook his head, discarding his attempt to leave and kicked his pants off.

Crawling back to you, he gathered you up in his arms, a giggle leaving you when his hands brushed along your sensitive sides. Once fully captured within his arms, he kissed you passionately.

“Even if I’m late, you’re well worth putting in the extra effort this morning with.”

After Jaehyun had gone, with a final kiss exchanged at your front door and a warning about not answering the door looking like that to anyone but him, you headed back to your bed, nestling in under the warm covers in just one of Jaehyun’s t-shirts.

You were extremely happy right now.

And had been for the past month too. Everything was working well. You woke up most mornings feeling warm and appreciated, kissing Jaehyun off to work before eventually getting up and starting your own. You so far had acquired two signatures of landowners in Blayne over your proposal for redevelopment and was certain you’d have three more by mid next week.

You had chosen to go this path first before confronting Mr Jung with your proposition. Word travelled all too easily in these parts for you to rely on what was spoken was kept confidential. Part of you hoped for this to happen. If you got enough people talking about the redevelopment positively, you believed that would shape the head of the town’s opinion too.

It was a gamble, though, and the longer you spent racking up other names and parts of the land as opposed to the one Pierce instructed you to get meant you would be running out of time to convince Jaehyun’s father if he initially rejected your proposal.

You had confidence in your decision.

And that confidence clearly shone in other ways now too. “You know, I haven’t seen you this dressed down since you came to Blayne, Y/N.”

Glancing up at May as you stopped in for lunch with Reg, one of the landowners you were meeting with, you laughed lightly. “I’ll take it as a compliment.”

“You finally look like one of us, is what she means,” Dorothy, from the table over, chimed and you grinned at her.

“Do I? I wonder how I managed that, being a city-slicker and all.”

“I don’t think it’s about how, but rather whom,” May concluded, and you bit your bottom lip, trying not to smile with the image of Jaehyun surfacing in your mind.

“We had it pegged that it’d be Avery,” Reg chortled, and you spluttered on the water you had taken in, looking up and apologising profusely. The older man held out his hand to May. “Well, it’s not him. Pay up.”

“Not my boy? Surely it’s him that has you enjoying Blayne. Out of us all, he’s the most understanding to newcomers.”

“Are you making bets on my relationship status?” you asked, and the patrons of the diner all chuckled in one way or another. “Well, I’m sorry May, but I’m not dating Avery.”

“You didn’t deny dating someone else,” Josie, the only waitress, piped up and there was immediate silence as everyone stared at you.

“I’m dating Blayne,” you answered cheekily, and they all groaned with protest. “What? Call me a sucker for what I’m trying to do out here, but this place has changed me.”

You left out the part about a certain cowboy that had as well.

Word travelled too fast around this place.

“Avery is disappointed, you know,” Jaehyun mentioned when he stepped through the front door of your home later that evening. You glanced up at his arrival, dropping your laptop onto the couch and moved into Jaehyun’s waiting embrace.

After kissing Jaehyun in greeting, you smirked. “Word sure doesn’t struggle to get around here yet mobile data does.”

“You completely ruled my cousin off your it-list. The elders are scrambling about trying to figure who’s left to catch your fancy.”

“Have they suggested you at all?”

Jaehyun grinned and shook his head. “Not Jung’s boy.”

“Because you’re so exclusive.”

“I’m destined to marry a Blayne Belle, apparently.”

“So you’re either going to wait another six years until Melody is legal or pick up Josie? I mean, she looks great for forty.”

“Don’t!” Jaehyun exclaimed, encircling your waist with his palms. They felt hot against your barely covered skin. “Where are your clothes by the way?”

“I’m used to the summer weather being removed by air conditioning in my apartment,” you admitted, gesturing to your singlet and shorts with a sly smile. “And this is more than what I had on when you last saw me.”

“Wicked woman,” he stated and went over to a panel on the wall.

You followed Jaehyun and pointed at it. “I tried to turn it on, but it’s ancient and doesn’t have any instructions.”

“You’d be lost without your damn instructions, wouldn’t you?” he teased, and you rolled your eyes, peering around him to inspect his efforts.

“Do you know where the toolbox is in the truck?” he soon asked, and you nodded. “Can you get it for me?”

“Why, are you going to be Mr Handyman instead of Mr Cowboy to me now? Perhaps Avery might be a better option after all.”

“Har-har. If you want to learn how hellish this summer is going to get in the countryside when the heatwave hits next week then-”

“Toolbox. Onto it!” you cried, dashing outside into the humid evening and over to Jaehyun’s truck. After spotting it nestled just behind the passenger seat, you went to reach for it but stopped, your eyes travelling to the papers sitting on the chair you had just leaned over.

Picking them up, you read the contents and returned inside with the toolbox in a daze. “Thanks, Miss City. I’ll have you feeling cool in no time.”

“Were you going to tell me about the rodeo tour?” you queried in a small voice a moment later, and Jaehyun stopped looking through the box for what he needed and up at you.

He shot you one of his lopsided smiles, though his eyes were hesitant. “You’re concerned already? The rodeo season is basically over for this year, don’t worry.”

“I know. This is for next season, but the qualifiers are tomorrow.”

“I was planning on telling you tonight.” Standing back up and wiping his hands on his jeans, Jaehyun gauged your expression. “You know I do them from time to time. Old Joey from the county over popped by and offered me a horse to ride. It’s a real nice horse, gave him a test-”

“What about Blaze? What will he think?” you cut in and Jaehyun frowned. “He’s your riding horse.”

“He’s a work horse. And horses don’t really get offended if you ride another. You’re being weird about this.”

“I’m just confused. This morning I woke up thinking this weekend we’ll be going to the farmer’s market and maybe ride over to the lake and take a swim or something. Now I’m going to be on the sidelines of some rodeo? What do they call them? Rodeo Bunnies? Don’t expect me to become one.”

Jaehyun laughed heartily, scooping you up into his arms in a warm embrace. “You’re coming?”

“Of course. I have to.”

“Why?”

“Why are you asking why? I’m supportive of your endeavours,” you answered, puzzled by the smile spreading Jaehyun’s lips out further. “Why are you looking at me like that?”

“Like a girlfriend would support me?”

“Girlfriend?” you echoed and let out an awkward laugh.

“Is it more for you now, Miss City? A whole month of you and me having this secret rendezvous and you might be feeling something deeper than my skin for me, huh?”

“Do-don’t you have to fix the air-con? It’s hot in here.”

“Stifling.”

“And if you’re going to some rodeo thing, don’t we need to sleep early or something?”

“Are you flustered, Y/N? You’re awfully good at not answering my question.”

“What question was that now?” you diverted, slipping out from under his strong arms and over to the toolbox. “Which one do you need?”

“All of you. That’s all I need,” Jaehyun confirmed, coming back to your side, kissing the top of your head before taking the tool you held in your left hand and got to work.

You arrived on the Jung’s property around six the following morning, travelling in your car separately. Whilst June was aware of your ruse, and no doubt Avery had strong suspicions, Jaehyun had asked to keep your relationship on the low for now. At first, you had agreed. You had a job to complete and complicating that with personal affections could ruin your credibility.

Still, it was hard to keep your hands off of Jaehyun when he came out from his room above the stables. “Wow, you know I’ve been calling you a cowboy from day one because of the hat and boots but I didn’t realise just how much this shirt was missing from the picture until now.”

Jaehyun glanced at his rodeo shirt, tassels and all, before shooting you an embarrassed smile. “Get a real good look at it today, Miss City. I don’t dress up like this often.”

“Another reason why he’s single, I’m sure,” his father gruffly mentioned, patting his son on the shoulder. You realised the older man was proud for some reason. All this time, you assumed he only cared for Jaehyun by the level of work he did around the farm.

Perhaps that was because Jaehyun was adamant that was all he cared about. However, as you watched the interaction fondly, you realised the man had a lot of love for his son. Jaehyun mentioned he had been on the sure-fire track to going pro as a teen on the rodeo circuit last night. You wondered if Mr Jung wanted that for him and felt guilty for needing him to help on the farm.

Either way, it warmed your heart to see a nervous Jaehyun, and his father equally acting out of character for once.

“Don’t you go worrying about marriage for our son today,” June fussed, straightening out Jaehyun’s collar as you had been itching to do. She smiled up at him. “Come home in one piece.”

“Of course, he will. We can’t be having Y/N’s first rodeo dashed with any hospital visits,” Avery commented, arriving at your side and slinging an arm over your shoulder. “You and I need to do some talking about the earful I got from my mother last night.”

You giggled awkwardly. “I’m sorry about that.”

“You’ll be sorry when they start trying to hook you up with all the eligible men in Blayne. Dorothy is convinced you’d suit her boy, Jacob.”

Jaehyun snorted. “Y/N’s a little too high maintenance for Jacob.”

“Am I now?” you retorted, waving off Jaehyun’s parents who were staying behind to look after the farm. Hopping into the cab of Jaehyun’s truck and looking at Avery who got in after you, you scoffed loudly. “If I was too much high maintenance, I’d recommend we take my vehicle over this one. At least, I’d be convinced we’d get there on time, for one.”

Jaehyun glared at Avery’s somewhat stifled snort before patting the steering wheel of the truck. “Don’t you worry. This old beauty of mine will get us there with ease. It’s you we have to concern ourselves over.”

“Me?” you wondered, and Avery nodded. “Why me?”

“Rodeos are a whole other world, Y/N. I bet you won’t be ready for what’s about to happen.”

“It’s people riding horses and taking on cows or something with ropes. I’ve seen it on TV,” you assured the cousins, who looked at one another with loose grins forming.

“She’s not ready for this.”

“Nope. Not a chance.”

“Would you two just shut up, and Jaehyun, start driving. Watch me prove how-”

“Adaptable you are,” both boys chimed, and you rolled your eyes, trying not to smile as Jaehyun finally threw the truck into reverse and headed down the driveway towards your first rodeo.

_________________

Part 10

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[angrylizardjacket]

Run to Paradise {Nikki Sixx} Part 26

26. everything i wanted felt like a nightmare

Summary: Lola learns what happened to her dad because of Doc. She really does not take it well.

Warnings: mentions of death, emotional, psychological, and physical child abuse, heavy drinking and discussions of trauma

ragtag bunch of misfits: @starlalove  @toofasttofallinlove   @xrosegoldwolfx  @obsessivesky   @trpwthme @lovehelpmewrite  @angelicjoonie23   @marvelismylifffe   @lilytalebi  @glitterdreamsz   @freddiessmallnipples  @crazysaladchopshop  @inthebackofmycarlaytheirbodies. @dramatique-moi  @missqueeniewrites @calspixie   @aryssav  @catsoo12   @sweetshutter  @silvertonguedserpent   @shamelessobsessions  @lavenderbones22   @keepcalm-and-beyou  @scarecrowmax   @nicholeh7  @unknownoblivion  @sighsophiia

For the remainder of the tour, Lola's more subdued than Doc thinks he's ever seen her, and he wants, if nothing else, to reward her quiet nature, encourage it. So when they arrive home, when the dust has settled and everyone's unwound from the stress of the tour, Doc starts making calls.

The first is to Lola.

"What did you say your dad's name was again?" Is one of the first things he asks, and Lola freezes, frowning automatically at his direct and blunt tone.

"I didn't. I don't tell you shit about my dad, Doc," Lola tries, but Doc sighs, trying again, gentler this time.

"You may not remember it, but at least twice since I've known you, you've gotten very high and told me how much you miss him," and at least this time she doesn't react with hostility, "Lola," Doc's voice is much more gentle this time, "I'm trying to find him for you, I know you don't care for your mother, but I thought I could at least try and track down your dad." 

"That's..." Lola swallows heavily, "that's actually really nice." She admits, and there's that honesty that Doc is trying so hard to encourage in her. "Thank you."

"I manage the band, I try and do what's right by them, and occasionally that means you too," is what he says, but his tone is surprisingly sweet, "now I just need his name, and maybe a bit about where you grew up, the last time you saw him incase your mom put in a missing person's report."

"Sounds like something she'd do," Lola scoffs, before taking a deep breath, deliberating, "uh, Maleko; Maleko Fields. Last time I saw him, like, in person, was sixty-eight, June-ish, I think. Boston." She's surprisingly forthcoming, but Doc can hear her grimace, even over the phone. He doesn't keep her long, let's her go back to whatever dangerous or scandalous activity she has planned with Nikki and Tommy, and he hires someone to look into it.

There is absolutely no way in the world that he is prepared for what he finds out about the former Fields Family of Boston.

Maleko Fields, known to his friends and family as Leo, born and raised in Hawaii, moved to Massachusetts at the age of nineteen to open a business with his childhood best friend, and worked there for fifteen years. When the friend left for college, Leo had bought him out, renamed the shop with his friend's blessing to Leo's and became a staple establishment, favoured within his suburb. Irene was an accountant he'd hired to help with the buisness, though it wasn't long before they started dating, and the two had married when Leo was 23. Two years later, their first and only daughter was born.

Keola 'Katie' Mavis Fields, the apple of her father's eye, and unofficial mascot of 'Leo's' until its closure in 1968, was declared missing in 1977. Her missing person's report comes with a photo of what is unmistakably a teenage Lola.

This is where the information gets darker; every newspaper in the city, and many across the nation, report on the trial of Irene Fields. Assult on a family member which caused serious bodily harm. Testimonies of family and friends who speak to Irene's tenuous grip on reality and her possessive, obsessive control over her daughter, health professionals confirming her delusions and issues with aggression that had manifested due to trauma. Countless pictures of burn marks that were now all too familiar to Doc, and so many photos of a much younger Lola, in crisp button-up shirts done up too tight over bandages. Irene recieves a six month sentence at a mental hospital, and Lola is placed into the care of a group home when none of her family can provide her adequate care.

All because Leo had died when Lola was nine.

Irene had never been able to process his death, instead, when asked to identify his body after he'd been in a terrible car accident, she'd refused to believe it was him. The trauma of seeing Leo so horribly disfigured had broken Irene, and she'd managed to convince herself that he'd simply run away, even after both his sister and father had confirmed it had been him.

Testimonies had revealed that she'd fed Lola this delusion, blaming herself and the child for his disappearance when she couldn't find an adequate reason for his 'departure'. Family was no longer able to visit or interact with Irene or Lola at Irene's insistence;

"She thought we were trying to poison Katie against her," Leo's sister had told the court in tears, "she thought we were hurting her when we tried to help her through her grief, but we wanted to help so she would stop blaming Katie; the things she had said to that girl were- oh God, they'd break Leo's heart if he'd heard them."

When asked to describe some of the things she'd heard, Leo's sister answers;

"Katie had been taking piano lessons for about two years before my brother died, and he was always loved how she played, even if it wasn't great, but I mean, she was seven! But I attended a recital when Katie was fourteen, she'd played so, so beautifully, but I- I heard Irene - God, I'll never forget it - 'why'd we even invite the family if you were going to embarrass yourself lile that', she'd said, 'its a wonder your father didn't come, he'd have thrown stones if he'd acctually accepted my invite'- he, please you have to believe me, my brother just loved music, and Katie, he'd never -!"

Lola, in court at the time, didn't even seem to process the reality of the situation, judging by her firm belief she still held.

Her statement at the time had been simple:

"My mother had tried to keep me from leaving the house; she shoved me, which knocked over a candle, and when my bag caught fire, she held me so tight that I couldn't escape it." But she adds quickly, "but this isn't dad's fault." Of course there was more to it, but Doc was horrified enough that he wasn't sure if he wanted to continue.

Less than three days before Irene's release, Keola 'Katie' Fields is reported missing by the group home she'd been staying at.

When Doc finally reads through all the gathered information, with Lola's entire sordid childhood spread out, everything made a horrifying amount of sense.

Lola's father was dead, and she didn't even know it.

How the Hell was he meant to deal with this information?

He sits on it for a month, for a full month, and tries not to look at Lola with pity in his eyes. Tries.

"How'd you come up with Lola?" He asks one afternoon; the band is in the studio, writing new songs, developing new material, and Lola's behind the sound desk, spinning idly in her chair. She only really wears singlets around the band, still self conscious about her scarring that he now probably knows too much about, and he can't look at her directly, though her gaze has snapped to him.

"What?" Her voice is sharp, before she seems to realise, "oh, you found me - my dad?"

And, yes and no. But he can't say that.

"I'm still looking into it," is what Doc goes with, before he repeats the question, though he's pretty sure he knows the answer. The sound engineer isn't here, and the band can't hear them. Lola still gives them a furvative glance anyways.

"It was a nickname dad gave me, I'm actually Hawaiian on his side, and even though I sort of went by a different nickname back then, that was more because dad was, you know, gone, and mum just called me Katie, and I didn't exactly argue about it." She shrugged.

"Keola." Doc turned the name over slowly, and Lola stopped dead, eyes wide as saucers. "Am I saying it right?" He asks, but gets no response. "It means 'life', so I've heard."

"Whatever," Lola hissed, and was quick to leave the room after that, joining the boys, taking a seat by the piano and idly tapping out a piece, which Doc found to be a curious response.

However its Nikki who Doc talked to about the situation; he knew Lola best, and for the longest, almost 7 years if the missing person's report was to align with the time they ran away to LA together.

Nikki seems surprised that Doc wants to talk to him alone about Lola, but obliges anyways.

"Nikki, if you had found out something terrible had happened to, let's say, a family member of someone you loved, how would you tell them?"

"Depends on the family member," Nikki answered without a shred of hesitation, "this is still about Lola, right? You were looking for info on her dad, weren't you?" And Doc feels like a deer in the headlights, because of course Lola would have told Nikki about it. "Be honest with her."

Doc's pretty sure that's a one-way ticket to being put in hospital; Lola doesn't exactly handle bad news well, and he's not exactly on good terms with her right now.

"Lola, I don't know how to tell you this," is how he starts the conversation. They're in his office less than a day later, and Lola looks antsy.

"Did something bad happen to my dad?" She asks, and fuck, fuck, fuck, of course Nikki told Lola about the previous day's conversation. The manila envelope on Doc's desk is practically at bursting"and he fans his fingers out over the cool cardboard, nervous and pitying energy coiled in his chest.

"I don't know how to tell you this," Doc feels like he's stuck on a loop. How in thr fuck do you tell someone that all they know is a lie?

"Just tell me," Lola tries to put on a brave face, but all Doc can see is the sixteen year old in a court room photo.

"Your father... passed."

Silence. Lola swallows thickly.

"Oh." Again, silence fills the room. Lola's looking at the folder. It has her father's name printed on it. "When? How?" She's so quiet.

"Car accident." There's an unmistakable tremour in Doc's voice. "Fifteen years ago."

And he watches the wheels tick over in Lola's mind, the dawning realisation, the dawning horror.

"You're an asshole and a dumbass for thinking I'll believe that." But her lip is trembling, "how fucking dare you lie to my fucking face about my father? Did he find out I'm a slut and a junkie and decide he wants nothing to do with me? Pay you to lie to me?" She stands so abruptly that her chair goes crashing to the ground. "God I can't believe my fucking mother was right." She hisses, and that hurts Doc to hear her say, knowing what he knows. "Give me that fucking folder."

"I'm not lying." Doc tells her, calm, which earn him a punch in the face. He topples back on his own chair, and Lola snatches up the folder.

"He's here, isn't he?" She waves the folder at him, filled to the brim with news clippings, fliers for Leo's, funeral and wedding programs, and the full, printed transcript of Irene's court hearings.

"Yes," Doc wheezes, and satisfied with that answer, Lola storms out, folder in hand.

Lola arrives back at the home she shares with Nikki, crackling with anger and electricity. Later, Nikki comes back from drinks with Tommy, and finds Lola in the study, surrounded by proof of her worst fear.

"Lo?" Nikki's voice is low, is actually concerned; Lola, from what he can see, is shaking. When she turns, she looks genuinely ill, ashy with puffy eyes and red nose. She's holding a folded piece of paper.

"I'm seeing things; I need you to read this and tell me if I'm crazy," she offers the paper to Nikki, who steps inside, "I'm just crazy, right? This doesn't say nineteen sixty-eight."

Its a funeral program for Maleko 'Leo' Fields, born in 1934, died -

"Nineteen sixty-eight." Nikki read, the reality of the situation suddenly hitting him.

"No." Lola muttered, and snatched back the paper. "No, we're both crazy." And its heartbreaking to hear that be the option she favours.

"Lo-"

"Because if he died," she sniffles loudly, trying to hide the way her voice is shaking, "when I was nine, that means-" and there's a faint patter as Nikki hears her tears hit the paper, "that means everything... everything..."

"Lola..."

She's trying so desperately to come to terms with her own reality, but its tearing her apart.

"It was never my fault."

And its like she can't even believe it, sobbing now, voice so soft but rising quickly. The paper is crumpled in her fist as she gets to her feet, voice turning to a yell, a scream, as she cries and throws herself around the room.

"It was never my fault! It was never my fault! It was never my fault!" Picking up pieces of paper, she hollers. Angry and distraught in equal measure, she shoves the select pieces into Nikki's confused, worried arms, looking at him through bitter, blood shot eyes.

"It means it was never my fault."

And with that she shoves past him, leaving him shocked, and by the time he hears her angry scream from the kitchen, he's started to look at what he'd actually been holding.

The transcript of testimonies from family members who knew about what was happening Lola, but who had, to Lola's knowledge, never tried to help. Photos of Lola's burn scars while they were still fresh. The statement of the coroner who'd asked Irene to identify Leo's body, noting her refusal to acknowledge the truth of the matter.

Downstairs, there's the smash of a bottle.

And Nikki's reading the rest of the scattered documents. All of Lola's history.

Every few minutes, there's another smash.

By the time he's done, he finds Lola in the living room, feet covered in cuts from shattered glass, almost catatonic with coke dusted around her nose.

"Lo!"

"I can be - fuck -" she slurred heavily, "whoever th' fuck I wanna be' 'cos da's not gonna be 'round to give a shit," she snapped, "he never was." It had only been fourty-five minutes since Nikki had been home, and judging by both her state, and the kitchen, she'd drunk almost two bottles of JD, and he wasn't even going to begin to guess at how much coke she'd had, only that had been a lot. Never in all the years he'd known her had Nikki seen Lola this fucked up this quickly. Oh, he knew Lola could handle this much liquor, but never in this short amount of time.

Sitting bolt upright, she looks around wildly, as if searching for answers Nikki can't even fathom, before she can even say anything, she's crashing back down, heaving and writhing. Nikki's quick to turn her on her side, so she doesn't choke when she throws up, and her voice is raw between bouts of illness that Nikki can't quite catch what she's saying. He gets her a glass of water and calls 911.

"I need - I need - I need -" she keeps stumbling over her words,voice raspy and hands shaking.

"You're going to hospital," Nikki told her, and Lola gave him a weak shove, expression contorted with anger.

"Fuck you," she growls, "'need go Boston -"

"You need to go to hospital, you look like shit -"

"No! I need to go Boston! I'm gonna kill Irene!"

Lola's unresponsive by the time the ambulance arrives, having not even moved from the sofa despite her best efforts. Nikki's got his head in his hands in the waiting room, feeling nothing but nauseous as they pump her stomach and put her under anesthetic to remove the glass from her feet. When she wakes, she's crying and screaming, but he's by her side.

"I just want... I just want..." And she can't even say it, weak and sore,and Nikki thinks he should call the band, call Doc, call someone else, but he cant leave her side. "All I wanted was him to come back, tell me it wasn't my fault, and it would be okay; everything that had happened, it wouldn't have been right, but it would have been okay."

Nikki takes her hand.

"Nikki, just tell me I'm dreaming, please, tell me if I work hard enough he'll come back." Lola's all but begging, and Nikki's prettt sure he's nevet felt moved like this for anothet person before; it fucking hurts. He hates seeing her like this.

"I'm not gonna lie to you, Lo, you don't deserve-"

"I don't deserve half the shit I've been through!" Lola cries, before crumbling, curling in on herself as best she could with all the medical equipment attached to her. "If you're not gonna lie, then at least make me believe its not my fucking fault. I didn't drive him away. It was never my fault."

Nikki pets her hair gently, his hands trembling.

"Lola, it was never your fault."

[evoedbd]

Queer Advice

Summer -  Emily Collins is terrified that Dracula's Brides will need a virgin sacrifice, and she knows exactly who that person would be. Havenfalls finest are LESS than helpful with their brilliant plan to protect their virgin huntress. ((Meshed in Mac having a version of her MC, because she’s the only character who truly NEEDS her MC to reach her full potential.)) *******

“Alright. This is serious business. We’ve found out more of Dracula’s plan and i- SERIOUSLY?” Emily started out seriously, striding into the closed bowling alley with purpose. Once the door swung shut, however, the party lights revealed something that nearly made Emily blow a gasket. A cuddle pile! An honest to whatever god may exist cuddle pile! During what was meant to be a meeting to save lives. Not just A life, but multiple. On a potentially world dominating scale. This was serious business and yet four bodies remained tangled together; a series of semi naked limbs and plaid that became indistinguishable from each other.

 Mackenzie Hunt was the easiest to distinguish amidst the chaos. The Alpha was an absolute beast of a woman, in no uncertain terms. A copper skinned goddess standing at 5.11ft high, with muscles that appeared to be forged from literal copper by an artist of ancient times. Forest green eyes kept careful watch over the bowling alley, even though the gentle smile on her lips betrayed her affection for the others. Her duty as pack leader and town sheriff seemed to weigh her brows down ever so slightly, a fact emphasised by lighter hair against darker skin. Her short, choppy hair was ruffled, suggesting she had been running a little earlier. Or perhaps fingers had been running through her hair, like she now ran her own fingers through Aisha’s chocolate dust locks. Just as Atlas allegedly held the world, Mac supported the tangled individuals on her lap. Even then, she positioned herself so that she could break away and spring up at the first sign of trouble.

 Aisha Collins appeared content enough with her head resting on the arm of the couch. Aisha looked so similar to Emily one might mistake them for twins, with their high angled jaws and blazing blue eyes. Aisha had grown into her grace, keeping her head held a little higher than Emily, which made her features seem finer. Her sharp edges were softened, as if the world around her was constantly caressing them into tranquillity. The cargo pants she wore hid her lanky legs, even as they tangled with another pair of fine legs clad in designer jeans.

 Annabelle Shepard lay facing the other direction; legs tangled through Aisha’s. Her chest rose and fell with the gentle contentment of peaceful slumber. It was easy to forget how fierce the young woman could be when one looked at her soft face. From gentle curves to large, expressive eyes, Annabelle was disarming. When awake, her cheer was almost infectious, yet she held a certain bite to her. An unnameable quality that exposed the truth of the hardships she had faced. That made you respect her without even knowing her. Her lithe arms remained folded against her chest. As always, her arms were covered by long sleeves with buttoned cuffs. The few times Emily had seen Annabelle’s bare arms, she had been greeted with thick, unsightly scars. They were vicious and deep, as if she had been savagely attacked by a rabid animal.

 Damien Ryder took the weight of the cuddle pile. He supported Annabelle’s sleeping form, with his nose tucked into her hair. His arms wrapped around Anabelle, with one of his hands holding Aisha’s legs. The tussles of his signature jacket tickled over plaid and denim, offering something for Aisha to twist around her fingers in her half-conscious state. Looking at Damien, the most striking thing about him was the pain. It darkened his ginger ale brown eyes; dragged on his broody brows. Even in a relaxed setting, his squared jaw seemed hardened and his lips downturned. That along with his shoulder length fawn hair gave Emily the impressions of a western outlaw. All that was missing was the twig of barley for him to chew on.

 “Pack thing.” Aisha sleepily explained, waving her free hand in a dismissive manner. It seemed as if she believed that nobody would understand it, so she did not bother explaining. There was a gentle cheekiness to her tone; a happiness which Emily couldn’t bring herself to attack. It was with a long-suffering sigh she directed her attention towards the literal devil in the room.

 “You just want time off work.” JD accused, a smirk touching their lips as they leaned back against the bar. Jordan Davies was the epitome of teenage angst turned into professional anarchy. Lanky and long, JD was only a smidgen taller than Emily, yet appeared to be half the weight. Beneath the biker’s leather jacket and baggy red singlet, Emily was positive she’d find nothing but a ribcage. That leanness was matched in JD’s youthful face. Mischief twinkled in ember coloured eyes, as always. Nobody could look at JD’s troublemaker getup; numerous piercings, and flame orange hair without feeling as sinful as if they were sneaking out after curfew. Something about the Jersey Devil invited chaos and trouble of the best kind. The kind where you’d wake up hungover, married to a goat and wondering where your trousers were.

 “It would mean you’d have to actually do your job, Jordan.” Razi commented, an amused smile forming beneath his elegantly groomed facial hair. Razi was a picture, with only one stylish lock out of place. With his broad, defined features and luscious dark hair bound into ponytail, it was amazing he settled for a bowling alley in a backwater town. Mythical blue eyes shone; sapphires gleaming against his bronzed skin. As usual, the hunky Djinn wore a silken button up shirt, with the sleeves folded up to his elbows and dark suspenders. The half-popped buttons showed off his defined chest, along with the many hairs curling across his skin. When the light caught those hairs the right way, Razi appeared to glow, adding to his calm mystique. This, along with his dazzling smile, was truly what made Emily think the only way to describe Razi was “An exotic gentleman.” ... yet Razi’s sister called him the ugly duckling. If that was true, Emily doubted the world was ready for the Nassar family.

 “Come on, Razi. Hikari has that locked down.” Aisha called teasingly, her lips peeling into a troublemaker’s grin to match JD’s. Emily could only wince in sympathy as she looked over to the poor demon, who was struggling to rearrange the bowling balls without breaking them.

 Hikari barely passed for human, being half Fae and half, well, Satan. Her soft, youthful features were only hardened by the copious amount of eyeliner surrounding her neon pink eyes. Darkness was a theme for Hikari, with her full, blackened lips and tiny black horns which sprouted from her coloured hair. Her long hair was perhaps the most colourful thing about her, fading from pink to purple the lower one went from her scalp. Two tiny buns sat on top of her head, little spirals of colour that were almost disarming... almost. Nothing could disarm Hikari’s attitude or sharp tongue.

 “Look! This is serious! I was doing my homework on potential rituals which the Brides may preform to resurrect Dracula and it turns out that, aside from me, they may ne-“

 “Wait... don’t tell me. A virgin sacrifice.” Aisha snipped in, appearing awfully amused when she spoke. When the entire group remained silent, powerful blue eyes widened in absolute alarm.

 “Seriously? I thought that was bogus... talk about cliché.”

 “Well, Van tried to correct things apparently, but nobody took him very seriously. If he were around, Vanessa is convinced he’d have a lot to say about the current state of things.” Emily informed, her own brows pinching as she went to speak again.

 “Of all the things to get right, eh?” JD laughed, only to grow silent at the look on their friend’s face. For all JD’s chaos, they knew when someone was hurting, and they knew when their common brand of humour wasn’t going to add to the situation.

 “Not any virgin. The closer to the intended, the better. We already know I’m the intended, with that kidnapping proposal and me being the only human Collin’s woman in town. The virgin sacrifice, well I think I know who that is. I assume it can’t be any of you. Or Diego. I already know it can’t be Grace-“

 “Definitely not Grace. We can both confidently confirm that.” Aisha agreed, causing both her and Emily’s faces to flush furiously. Grace’s prom night had not ended with her date dropping her off, rather with Emily and Aisha chasing a teenage boy out of her room with a mixing spoon and a coffee mug. It was an uncomfortable enough moment that all the Collins women did their best to avoid discussing it, yet none of them could ever bleach it from mind. Aisha had seriously considered trying it once she became a wolf. Thankfully, Mac had convinced her not to test out her new powers. JD also refused to erase the memory, finding it too hilarious to see Emily and Aisha squirming.

 “I don’t get along with any other family members. Don’t have any friends outside of Havenfall. The only other person I am close to is Vanessa. What do I do? She’s already in the crosshairs, if they catch onto this...” Emily appeared to dissolve into panic, her brows contorting. All the way from her shoulders to her hands appeared to vibrate, blurring subtly due to her trembling.

 “If you don’t want her to be the virgin sacrifice, just have her lose it.” JD suggested rather casually before they took a swig of their drink. Emily could only gape, her eyes almost bulging out of their sockets as she did her best impression of a guppy fish. Mouth agape, lips flapping as she tried to find the words.

 “Wow. Just wow. Is sex literally the only solution you can offer, JD?” Emily demanded, almost on autopilot. She was in shock. The idea was ludicrous! Insane! Utterly bonkers! She couldn’t just go up and offer to sleep with Vanessa! The huntress was already so shy about most interactions, given that she had never even had friends, let alone a boyfriend or girlfriend. If a compliment left her utterly flustered, and proximity took her breath away, then what would suggesting making love do? No, it wouldn’t be making love. Vanessa couldn’t be in love with her. It’d be sex. A physical convenience. It’d rob the hopeless romantic Vanessa of her first experience with love if she agreed to it.

 “I’m just saying. A good shag would solve several problems for her.” JD pointed out, once more grinning like a cat who had gotten the cream via nefarious methods. Emily was ready to burst. To smack the demon over the head with a bowling ball. Better yet, ask Hikari to do it. The Scene Demon would probably love to dish out some payback to JD.

 “And who would you suggest we get her into bed with? You? Diego? Razi?” Emily demanded harshly, bringing a hand up to pinch at the of her nose. Her thumb rubbed over the small scar beneath her glasses, which bounced over her knuckles as Emily attempted to purge the images from her mind by rubbing at her eyes. Picturing Vanessa with JD did not bring images of love, only an image of the Huntress kicking a demon’s flaming backside out of her van. For Diego, she could only picture a holy sword shooting out the van to decapitate the vampire, or a stake plunged into his heart. Hardly romantic. Razi... might at least be allowed to speak, but he’d wind up with the door slammed in his face.

 Emily was so caught up in her musings that she missed the look shared between Aisha and Mac, yet she did not miss the words her cousin spoke.

 “Actually... you’re the best candidate.”

 “What? Why me?” She almost shrieked, feeling as if she’d been sucker punched in the gut. Was it because Vanessa was her bodyguard? Did they just assume that it’d be acceptable? Was this how boys felt when paired with their female friends? Pressure? A touch of violation? Great. First it was a girl and boy couldn’t be friends, now it was automatically that if two women were close, they had to be lesbians. Would the clichés and stereotypes ever truly die?

 “You’re the only single human woman here.” Mac pointed out. Ok. Emily could concede to that logic.

 “Huge flaw in that, guys. You’re all just assuming Vanessa is gay!” Emily stated the obvious. Instantly, she was met with various looks of amusement and pity, all of which made her brows feel heavy and her lips ache with the urge to tip into a scowl. Honestly, for a group of outcasts and Queers, their lack of consideration was astonishing.

 “Or kinky. Come on. The leather? The whip?” JD unhelpfully added, miming a whip with their left hand when Emily fixed her glare upon them. The human felt her brow twitch even as she opened her mouth to snap back at the overly satisfied demon. Before she could even utter a single sound, a snort from her cousin cut her off.

 “It’s true. No Straight woman would wear that much leather.” Aisha added, smoothing out the moment with logic.

 “That’s a value judgement!” Emily scolded on instinct. A rather calm, deadpan stare was the only response. It only got worse as Emily felt her cheeks flush a brilliant cherry tomato. A flush which she was convinced spread to her collar given her spike in body temperature. She wasn’t stupid enough to blame it on the room heating up, not when she was the only one suffering. Okay, so maybe Aisha had a point... slash the maybe. Emily had to concede. She’d never met a woman who kept her nails short and wore so much leather who wasn’t somewhat inclined towards women. Thinking back over their interactions, Emily remembered when she had raised the question about dating history. Boyfriends? Girlfriends? Vanessa had stated explicitly she had no time for girlfriends... ok. So that had to be a hint, right? Vanessa had been so flustered even saying it. As if she expected backlash. So maybe she was a little bit gay? A little. But that was only one half of the sexuality equation.

 “She stares at your ass when you walk away. Seriously, she wants a piece. The biggest piece. I can see the gay from across the bowling alley.” Hikari’s voice rung out, drawing Emily’s focus to the approaching Fae daughter of Satan. Hikari had a look of utter condescending disbelief on her face, as if she was utterly flabbergasted that Emily could be so stupid. The intensity of that look sure made Emily feel more foolish than she had ever felt in her entire life, even if she was unsure why.

 “She looks at you like you’re chocolate cake, but she forgot to bring a spoon to eat you with.” Razi continued Hikari’s logic in a much gentler fashion.

 “Are we forgetting the little issue my last partner had? It’s called a penis!” Emily strained the word “little” with her voice and her fingers, thumb and forefinger held apart to depict the size.

 Mark had started out a wonderful partner. A caring man who was decent looking. He had a good job, solid family and had been involved with his church. Early on, Emily had thought he could be the one. Or rather, the best she would ever land with her background. When she had brought him to the bowling alley to meet her friends, however, things had gone south. Fast. Mark had torched his pristine image within minutes by his relentless attack on JD’s lifestyle. Mark exposed a traditionalist streak; which Emily couldn’t overcome. At the time, she hadn’t understood why everyone found Mark’s shouts that JD was going to hell so funny. She’d been busy dumping the tool.

 “Ahha! So you admit it was small.” JD cheered, leaping on the chance to have another dig at Mark. The Demon’s grin was victorious; so full of malicious glee that Emily couldn’t even bring herself to defend her ex. Not that she would ever feel inclined to.

 “So not the point.” Emily groaned, dropping her face into her hands. Maybe if she pinched the bridge of her nose hard enough, she could repel the building shitstorm which was her massive headache.

 “Does it matter?” Hikari demanded in an almost aggressive manner. Shocked, Emily removed her hand and stared at the Fae daughter of Satan. The Faemon appeared impassioned, her neon pink eyes blazing with such intensity it could be compared to a blast of heat straight to Emily’s face. As if she’d stepped from an air-conditioned building into 116 degrees.

 “Like, seriously. Who cares if you’ve only been with men in the past, they ain’t the shit.” The Faemon continued, earning an almost amused snort from Emily. JD smirked, Razi coughed. An actual laugh came from Aisha, whilst the rumble of a chuckle echoed softly from Mac.

 Emily had always known she found both men and women attractive, yet no woman had ever fit the bill of Girlfriend material. Usually because they were straight. Men had always been easier when it came to dating, thus Emily had learned how to handle her foolish crushes and attraction to men. Women not so much. They still left her tongue tied, overwhelmed her thoughts when she found one she deemed attractive. She still couldn’t flirt in any capacity, and she absolutely could not contain her thirst.

 “If you actually connect with Vanessa, go for it. She’s cute, she’s single as fuck and into you. Are you seriously telling me a vagina is getting in the way?” The Fae continued, driving her words home with several firm pokes to Emily’s shoulder. The human could only blink. Hikari had an excellent point.

 Vanessa was gorgeous. There was no getting around that. All lithe muscle in a highly feminine frame. Dark hair spilling down her back; hair which seemed to absorb the light in a lilac black cascade. Breathtaking violet eyes, which shone with every single emotion Vanessa ever felt. Yes, Vanessa was physically stunning, yet there was more beauty to her than just her appearance.

 Vanessa was just so earnest. Everything about her was so sincere and true that is knocked Emily off her feet. Vanessa’s bravery; her capacity to make Emily believe in the impossible with her blistering passion and steadfast loyalty. It was inexplicable. Emily was forever awed by Vanessa as a Huntress, as well as a person. Whilst Vanessa’s heroism was undeniable, so was the woman beneath the legend. The tender concern in Vanessa’s eyes was almost blanketing; a warm comfort in the night. Vanessa’s genuine smiles transformed Emily’s heart into a prism of light, reflecting the warm glow of happiness throughout her entire chest. Watching Vanessa’s wonder as she was exposed to new things was addictive. To Emily, it felt like watching a whole new world birthed from nothingness. The gentle warmth and pride Emily was a constant undertone for her excitement to engage Vanessa. To learn more. Every scrap of information given by Vanessa was a treasure; a clue leading Emily deeper into a labyrinth. The journey alone was worth more than any treasure. Each moment a glistening point of connection that Emily felt content to exist in. Vanessa’s laughter... melodic. An angel’s song. The sound alone made the world fade away and infused Emily with a sense of unequalled joy. Such a pure, sincere sound as a happy Vanessa gave Emily’s heart wings.

 “They sell solutions for that.”

 And with Aisha’s comment, Emily’s joy came crashing down. She plummeted, feathers falling from her metaphoric wings with every flap of logic and confusion tangling around her. One moment there was an argument that just because Vanessa was a woman it didn’t mean Emily couldn’t like her, or even, lord forbid, LOVE her. Then, the next moment Aisha was starting to talk about changing Vanessa? It was in jest, clearly, yet that didn’t stop the violent impulse to shout surging within Emily’s veins. Vanessa was PERFECT the way she was. Why would Emily need a silicone attachment to try to deceive her when... Ok, so maybe she was completely into Vanessa. But with angels song and happiness, why would Emily want to ever leave? Or violate that trust?

 “I wouldn’t tolerate the townsfolk bothering you two, you have my word.” Mac chimed in, noticing the increasing furrow in Emily’s brow. That was enough to break Emily out of her outrage. Mackenzie was being sincere. Worrying for Emily as if she were one of the pack. That was enough to draw a soft smile to her lips, a gesture of gratitude to the Sheriff.

 “Seriously. Humans are so hung up on this shit.” Hikari huffed in annoyance, pausing to blow on her bubble-gum. The bubble grew for a second, then the pronounced pop rung through the silent air. A gunshot before Hikari delivered her perfected opinion on humanity.

 “Losers.”

 “Gods, are all supernaturals Queer?” Emily didn’t even realise her question had been out loud before she noticed the group pause.

 Razi appeared to have been stuck by lightning. His utter shock at the question was reflected by his parted lips when he went to speak. Instead, no words escaped, and his elegant jaw snapped shut. Hikari simply resumed blowing bubbles, evidently indifferent to the question. JD let forth a bark of surprised laughter, followed by a series of eyebrow wiggles at their shocked boss. The Djinn took it in good humour, simply sighing. Meanwhile, Mac and Aisha shared a knowing look; a secret amongst the pack perhaps. Annabelle appeared rather amused as she cast her sight on Damien, who coughed subtly when faced with the weight of his pack’s stare.

 “Most are open. Even the ones in typical relationships.” He strategically answered, his eyes lingering anywhere save the almost smug grins of his pack.

 “Its a small community, we don’t judge.” JD chipped in. If the devil was burdened by the focused attention of the room, they didn’t show it as they leaned against the bar. In response to the silence which followed, they gave an all too casual shrug. That irritating silence was broken by Emily, who let out an unspeakably pained groan as her head to fall forwards into her waiting hands with a rather pronounced thud.

 “This conversation has veered so far off track it’s stuck in the gutter.” Emily’s voice was muffled by the palms of her clammy hands, which were shielding her face. In another universe, the one flashing behind her closed eyes, this conversation had not taken such a turn. They had remained logical and avoided all embarrassment as they came up with the perfect plan to protect Vanessa. There wouldn’t be a literal pile of attractive Supernaturals snuggling on the beaten down old couch. No devilish devils or sexy, well dressed Djinns making jokes. This wouldn’t have dissolved into a discussion about sexuality... and Emily’s temples wouldn’t be throbbing in time with her marching band for a heart.

 “I get it, this topic is uncomfortable. That doesn’t change the fact it would reduce Vanessa’s eligibility to practically zero.”

 Whether Aisha was genuinely trying to help, or was teasing was uncertain. Her deep eyes held the gentle understanding of a mother; matured and nurturing with a underlying protectiveness that was enough to knock an elephant off track. However, the subtle tilt of her lips betrayed amusement. Restraint. The entire wolf pack seemed to somehow snuggle closer together.

 “Look, I’m not about to go up to my friend and be like Hey, so you’re a virgin. Let’s change that so Dracula won’t sacrifice you. That is so tacky, even a porn film would reject that script!” Emily practically exploded, turning to make endless gestures to emphasise her points. Hands and hips became a second language, crudely mimicking out points in a manner equally as explosive as her booming voice. Honestly, the AUDACITY of these people! If Emily had cared a little less or was just a little braver, she’d have already bitch slapped all of them.

 She paused, taking a moment to breathe. Deep breaths. In through her nose. Out through her mouth. Her thumb sought out the small scar across the bridge of her nose when she pinched it, almost as if the gesture could contain the storm about to explode from within her.

 “She deserves someone she wants to share her life with, not just some convenient exchange.” Emily concluded, pouring every ounce of sincerity into her words. It was true. Vanessa was a romantic, behind everything. For such a vulnerable thing as physical intimacy, Emily wanted Vanessa to have the dream. The perfect first time. Candles and romance with the person she was in love with. The person she wanted to spend eternity with. Emily couldn’t even imagine a world where she took that away from Vanessa. A world where duty claimed the last piece of Vanessa; the piece only protected by lack of time. It was Vanessa’s ONE true freedom. The only part of her life that the Order hadn’t dictated or infected. How could anybody ask Emily to take that away from Vanessa? How could they even THINK it?

 “It’s clear you care about her. That must count for something.” Mac’s gentle tones drew Emily out of her internal raging. When Emily turned her gaze to the Alpha Werewolf, she met kind forest green eyes. Mackenzie Hunt understood, at least enough to sympathise with the Collins girl. Mac bore the weight of her power so well that it was all too easy to forget Mac was only a couple of years older than Emily. As far as werewolves went, Mackenzie Hunt was a young Alpha. Barely more than a pup. Yet, she saw Emily’s struggle. Even without a word of it, she offered her full support. Her approval. Even without being a wolf, Emily could feel the power in it. The warmth that emanated from the Alpha’s care.

 “Yeah. A better time.” JD added in a remarkably sincere tone. For a split second, Emily almost believed it. Then, the devil’s lips curled. Moment ruined.

 “I’m not listening. La La La.” Emily announced, lifting her hands in a weak effort to cover her ears. Still, she couldn’t help letting her mind wander. What if they didn’t have a choice? Would Vanessa be willing to accept her? Could she even live up to even a single dream or fantasy Vanessa had? Vanessa’s lavender tinged grey eyes were so expressive. Would those purples tinges darken to black with lust? Could Emily hold her gaze, or would Vanessa’s gaze devour her soul? How would Vanessa’s soft skin feel beneath her lips? Would hardened abs twitch underneath loving a kiss? Would Vanessa even want that? Could she have the patience to allow Emily to truly make her feel divine with gentle explorations and sincerely sweetened words? Or would she be inclined to take the reins? How would those battle forged hands explore if given freedom to do so? What would she want? Maybe the whip...

 “You’re blushing.” Aisha’s amused tones dragged Emily’s mind from such a salacious place. She had to get out of the bowling alley, before things became even more awkward. Before she started imagining things more explicitly. She lowered her hand to her pocket, wiping clammy palms against the coarse material before she pulled out her phone. A lifeline to save her from humiliation.

 “Oh look, I got a text! Gotta go!” She stumbled over her blatant lie in a rush to get the words out. Her phone had not chimed. Without waiting, she broke into a brisk walk towards the door.

 “To ensure Helsing’s safety!” Came a quip from behind her. Emily didn’t hesitate in raising her middle finger over her shoulder, shouting out to the chorus of laughter chasing her into the streets.

 “LA. LA. FUCKING. LA.”

[midnight-winds]

1. Think of the last person who said I love you, do you think they meant it?

It was my boyfriend and I know he means it😊 I love him so so much too, I hope he understands i mean it just as much

2. Would you date an 18-year-old at the age you are now?

I’m only 17 so yeh

3. When’s the last time you were aggravated and happy at the same time?

At new year’s. Aggravated that I couldn’t spend it with him but happy it was still with my fam.

4. Would you ever smile at a stranger?

I sometimes do

5. Is there someone mad because you’re dating/talking to the person you are?

Um yeah but idc about their opinions

6. Have you heard a song that reminds you of someone today?

7. What exactly are you wearing right now?

Um a black singlet and undies.

8. How often do you listen to music?

Literally like everyday

9. Do you wear jeans or sweats more?

Jeans going out more and sweats when I stay in. So probs sweats lol

10. Do you think your life will change dramatically before 2015?

It’s 2018...

11. Are you a social or an antisocial person?

Depends with who. I used to be pre antisocial except with my friends

12. Have you ever kissed someone whose name begins with the letter ‘A’?

Well that’s my Mum, and yeah on the cheek

13. What about ‘R’?

Haha well that’s my dad and yeah the same

14. Can you drive a stick shift?

Pfff no

15. Do you care if people talk badly about you?

Yeah ofc

16. Are you going out of town soon?

Going outta the country soon yeah

17. When was the last time you cried?

Last year :P

18. Have you ever told someone you loved them?

I always do😇

19. If you could change your eye color, would you?

Omg yesss. I’d like it hazel

20. Is there a boy who you would do absolutely everything for?

Absolutely everything and anything

21. Name something you dislike about the day you’re having.

Well I just woke up and I miss him

22. Is it cute when guys kiss you on your forehead?

ARHFVDIAMEBUDJEBDHSNJDJSNSHEJE😍😍😍yesssssss

23. Are you dating the last person you talked to?

Hahah yeap :))

24. What are you sitting on right now?

My bed. Like always

25. Does anyone regularly (other than family) tell you they love you?

All the time😇 he’s part of family now tho

26. Have you ever wanted someone you couldn’t have?

Who hasn’t. They’re all crushes

27. Who was the last person you talked to before you went to bed last night?

My baeee

28. Do you get a lot of colds?

Not in summer nah

29. Where is the shirt you are wearing from?

Oh yeah if you go along hay street and turn into the shop called none of ya business

30. Does anyone hate you?

Umm I don’t think so

31. Do you have any empty alcohol bottles hidden somewhere in your room?

Lol no. But I do have empty water bottles hidden😂

32. Do you like watching scary movies?

YESSSSS

33. Do you want your tongue pierced?

NOOOOO

34. If you had to delete one year of your life completely, which would it be?

Probs 2013

35. Did you have a dream last night?

Yah and I can’t wait it tell him soon. Unless I forget it before then, SORRY

36. When was the last time you told someone you loved them?

Last night before bed😊

37. Do you think you’ll be married in 5 years?

Hmm I’ll be 23. Probs still travelling or something

38. Do you think someone has feelings for you?

I hope so hahahah

39. Do you think someone is thinking about you right now?

He’s dreaming so maybe

40. Did you have a good day yesterday?

Yeappp. Went shopping with my boyfriend, Mum and bro. And then went to his grandma’s and had delicious food. He then walked me down to leave. It was the best😊❤️❤️

41. Think back 2 months ago; were you in a relationship?

Hahah it was the start of my relationship

42. In the next 48 hours, will you hang out with a girl?

I guess my cousins

43. Has anyone told you they don’t want to ever lose you?

Yes and I don’t want to lose him either😢

44. What’s the best part about school?

Not being in it anymore

45. Do you have any pictures on your Facebook?

Yah

46. Do you ever pass notes to your friends in school?

Hahah we used to all the time

47. Do you replay things that have happened in your head?

Omg sooo much

48. Were you single over the last summer?

Yah

49. Is your life anything like it was two years ago?

It became 100x better

[mabsj]

Continue on my previous post....

I smiled when I remembered about it..

The Skies

Sky is the most stronger moment.. She gave me a shape.. hahaha.. well.. she like full moon.. because of its shines bright as ever.. and its a shape of my nickname.. This is where my heart felt sad and tears started rolling down my eyes.. Every night whenever we were on the phone, she used to tell me to look at the moon.. I still remember at some point where she saw the brightest full moon, she would ask me to look at it.. And I will seriously look at it.. Got one night where she saw it again, and that moon was not in my view, just to make her happy, I go out from my house litterally with just my boxers(length like a shorts pants) and my singlet rush down and walk faster to the nearest park just to make her happy and watch the moon together with her.. I laugh softly through my heart.. Just for the sake of seeing her happy.. Just wonder how trully I love her.. But moments later, it turns into sadness.. She ask me, "Please don't ever leave me, I trully love you".. She said that in malay.. I replied to her, my love for her may not be the same shape as the moon, But I only have a shape of a heart.. A heart of mine only for her nobody else will have the special as her and I promise her that.. How in the world I can still remember piece of it.. I dont even contact her or have her contact number, I dont even add her on fb or instagram or any social media.. But this love of her's re-appear out of the sudden.. I called my best friend, Hisyam,.. I call him and told him what happend.. He laugh.. He told me something that I totally forgot way when I told him that I agree on my wife marriage proposal.. He told me, I make a good choice.. But I should remember, not all the good path the road will be smooth.. You have to be strong to go through.. But you will not be alone.. Allah is always with you.. He knows what is best for you and He knows the limit of your patient.. He may be giving you surprise, which you dont expect or didnt want it to happend.. And at the same time, He gave you the test.. I told him, it wont be happening.. Because she is someone's wife.. Im someones husband.. Its a sin for me to have feelings on someone's wife eventhough she is my previous lover !!! And he replied, "Za.. What you plan is not what you will have compulsory.. Allah is our Creator.. He is our God.. He plans, He knows what is best for us.. He may give us a bad sign, or He may give us a message, or He may giving us a good sign and answers.. He listens to every of the Dua's we all make.. He knows when is the right time to give it.. He knows it was a very long time ago relationships.. But He knows the sincererity of your heart towards her back then and the suffer you go through.. Hung up the phone and i gaze at the skies.. The memories still flashes eventhough I tried my very best to stop.. But this time, its getting tougher.. I felt the sorrowness, the emptiness, the tears, the happiness, easy to describe is everything that I felt.. I know I dont have that strength as my heart has become weak.. I remember this weakness feeling.. I remember clearly as clear glass.. It was the same as the moment Im being far away from her even we just met.. And thats what I feel.. I look at the skies and the moon.. I know I couldn't see Allah but I know, Allah sees me.. I closed my eyes and I start to pray to Allah.. This prayers some sentences is missing because I prayed for quite some time and couldnt remember some words but I try to put it as a combination in english and malay..

"Ya Allah.. You given me a test that weaks me totally.. You gave me a feeling which I shouldn't be feeling.. You gave me the memories which was years back ago.. You gave me the love that I left it behind.. But You gave me the feeling back.. I may not know whats the reason behind it because I dont find the answer to it.. I leave it to you.. If trully she is missing me, thinking of me, started to love me, Aku berdoa PadaMu Ya Allah, let it disappear.. I know I lied to myself, to her I hate her, I dont want to see her, I dont want anything related to her, lied to her I have sickness, its something I force myself to Ya Allah.. I lied to her I hate her when she wants to end our relationship but how many times what she can do is what I cannot do and Im still accepting her.. I lied to her about my sickness and she hates me but I remember she willing to lie to me for a guy who she only know for awhile and even told me it was her cousin but when i found out is it not.. she gave her number to him and I still accept her and forgive her.. and that point while we are on a dating out.. But yet, I still open my heart to forgive her and still accept her.. Because I know, she didnt mean it.. As day by day passes by, she started to became much more aggressive in her anger.. I dont usually scold her anyway.. Whatever she said, cursed, shout at me although it hurts my feelings, I endure it and change it to something like she wants someone to vent her anger at.. I dont know why.. Until One Fine day, my chest starts to feel pain.. My body became weak, my head starts spinning.. I went to the clinic.. And she knows it.. But what was the result shocked me.. Doctor told me I have a very high HBP(High Blood Pressure) and overworked myself.. Maybe thinking too much.. The doctor advice me not to think too much she scared it could lead to depression.. I hide it for a moment.. I dont tell anyone.. I lied to her just a fever.. Just not to make her worry.. When she ask for breakup, I tried to cure it.. but I dont have that energy to do so.. I cried.. It took me so long to let her go.. Eventhough many times she ask for breakup and back together again, but this time I have to force myself.. I know she's in contact with other guy.. How do I know, Im dont stalk.. But Allah show me the path for the truth and I pretend I didnt know at all.. And I dont blame on her.. I blame myself of failing to give more love towards her, more time for her.. All the words that I've said to her, that i hate her, i dont want to see her, i regret knowing her, Ya Allah, you know what I feel at that point of time.. it was the opposite.. But I force myself to do it, just to see her happy.. Ya Allah, I force myself to let her go just to let her continue to see her brightness of her choice.. The moment I say out my decisions, I left without any notice.. I was stranded with depression.. My head hurts and my BP rising up.. It took me years to cure my depression.. Until i was ended up in the hospital.. And my specialist knows it.. She gave me some advice to let me rest.. She told my mum and my mum was shocked.. When she ask why, I told her everything.. She know I still havent forget about her eventhough I tried.. And years later, my wife propose to me for marriage.. Ya Allah, I never encounter someone propose to me where I remember I propose to someone before her.. You guide her to me where my heart still close for anyone.. It took me 9months to sincerely open up.. And I agree to it.. My mum knows I dont have any serious feelings towards my wife.. But I said, "Mum, Allah met me wife her for a reason.. Insyaa'Allah things wont be the same but maybe more positivity..".. Ya Allah, If its true she have feelings for me, remembered me, misses me like the past time, please return back to her as I could not accept it this time.. Ya Allah, forgive her whatever she hurt she had given me, I dont give any hatred towards her.. Ya Allah guide her to the right path and make her happy as if she never felt it before, eventhough she left the pain to me.. Ya Allah.. please guide her to the right path..

Make her happy and strong as if she never felt it before.. Ya Allah, tell her that I do misses her and I do love her, but I have to make this choice to close my doors to her.. Ya Allah, I unable to accept her in my life anymore be it im single.. I dont want to see her suffer anymore.. I dont want to see her go through my dad anymore.. its enough for her.. Im doing this just to see her happy Ya Allah.. Ya Allah, I may be visiting the jetty and make it to be the last.. Im letting her out of my mind, my heart for the last time peacefully.. Return it back to her.. And I pray to you may her marriage that she choose be blessful and happy and shine like a moon like she wishes to.. Ya Allah.. I may not be her choice and I may not be a relious and I may not be a good guy.. But you gave me a wife that is orphanage.. Its the biggest honour and I take it handle it with honour with care and lovingly and responsibly.. And you gave me 2 handsome boy in our life and Im grateful.. Thank You Ya Allah.."

I may make my last visit to the jetty in the late afternoon maybe at night after maghrib.. I pray it would let go peacefully.. I pray you would be happy and strong always like you used to be.. Thank you for letting me in your heart.. I treasure it and appreciate it..

The End

[angrylizardjacket]

ask you destiny to dance [7] {Roger Taylor}

[masterpost]

“What did you do? Ash is more pissed at you than usual.” Brian’s looking covertly between Ash wiping glasses at the bar, and Roger, adjusting the height of his high hats a few weeks after he’d confronted her about August. She hadn’t spoken to him directly since then, but the other band members were starting to catch on.

“I didn’t do anything-” Roger tries to protest, but Freddie’s laugh cuts him off.

“He made a comment about Pocket Rocket’s dear friend.” Freddie adds, having adapted to the nickname with ease, an amused smile on his face as he looks at Roger over his shoulder.

“You mean her boyfriend.” Roger snaps, and out of the corner of his eye, he saw Ash tense at the bar, giving away her eavesdropping, though he didn’t call her out on it.

“Ash isn’t dating that guy, he’s like forty.” Brian laughed, but Roger caught the way Freddie’s expression darkened, though he didn’t dwell on it, and Roger’s own smile became knowing and bitter.

“Yeah, listen Bri, I know what I said.” He responded venomously, and the mood around them sobered considerably. “I don’t like him, okay, he’s too old for her,” after a beat, he wrinkled his nose, “got a dickhead aura.” 

“You’ve met him once.” John points out, trying to lighten the aura. Roger just bristled at the statement.

“Rog is just fond of her,” Freddie cuts in, voice a little condescending, smile mischievous, “let him be jealous, it might take him down a peg or two.”  

“I’m not bloody jealous of that creep!” After a beat of feeling particularly hurt, and Freddie’s commenting hitting a little too close to home, he hears himself lashing out, “And how low do you think my standards really are, Freds?” And that shocked Freddie into silence, eyes wide and disbelieving, his eyebrows raised, as he turned away, jaw clenched.

“You really are just trying to burn that bridge while we’re standing on it, aren’t you?” Brian shook his head, sighing heavily as he went back to his guitar.

“Roger,” John said carefully, coming over to speak quietly to the drummer, as the rest of the band turned away, uncomfortable, “let me get the drinks tonight.” And it’s not what he expected to hear, but when he looks to John, John’s looking over at the bar. Ash is making direct eye contact with him, her customer service smile looking mostly threatening as she keeps polishing the same spot on a glass. “Because that woman is going to spit in all of your drinks and make you watch.” John explains, now looking to Roger, who’s expression was carefully neutral, trying not to betray his own anger at himself. “And as much as I love our dear Pocket Rocket, it’s not something I particularly want.” 

She’s definitely gone back to hating him, and he didn’t realise how much it would hurt. 

The worst part is that she’s so damn happy around everyone else, and he hates himself for being hurt by that. He’s angry, but not at her (never at her, not for something like this) he’s angry because he sees the way she smiles at him from behind the bar, and he sees the way August spends more time looking at the girls in the crowd, though she can’t even tell from where she’s standing. Roger’s angry because she fucking gushes about August - “He’s just made tenure!” - and yet he won’t even touch her if there’s someone else around. He’s livid because she’s so clearly in love with him, but she still can’t bring herself to tell the others his name because she knows - knows - something’s up with August, even if she doesn’t want to admit it, even if the others can’t see it.

Except that’s not the reason she doesn’t say his name.

“He’s here at every show, we should say thank you.” Brian tries after a gig, talking mainly to Roger and John, as Freddie had been giggling with Mary, the two of them in their own little world. Ash is nowhere to be seen. Roger takes another drag of his cigarette.

“Heaps of people are fans of us, it doesn’t mean we have to personally thank them every time.” Roger scoffed, but Brian made a noise in the back of his throat that sounded like he disagreed.

“It’s a show of good faith, we should at least shake hands with-” and he paused for a moment, brow furrowing, “what’d she say his name was again?”

“Doctor Reid, if I recall.” John piped up, and Brian shifted his weight, crossing his arms.

“Yeah, but what’s his first name? That sounds so formal, like, ‘Oh, can I grab you a beer Doctor Reid?’” He put on a voice, laughing at his own joke, looking to John, who just shrugged helplessly.

“August.” Roger’s voice is very quiet, hunched in on himself sitting in the back of the van. Brian frowns, leaning in a little, confused as to both how Roger has kept this for so long, and what the name actually was. “His name’s August.” Roger repeated, voice heavy but louder this time. Freddie freezes. “She calls him Gus.” He adds.

“You’re joking, right?” Freddie says into the uncertain silence, and that’s the moment that the back door comes crashing open and Ash comes out, grinning, hands in her pockets.

“Hey guys,” she grinned, nodding at them, not even sparing Roger a glace, “could I have my jacket back? You can drop the pants back tomorrow if you like.” Freddie turns to her, eyes wide, disbelieving smile still frozen almost painfully onto his face, not removing the oversized, blood red velour button down shirt Freddie had been wearing over a black singlet.

“Is that man we keep seeing Gus?” He asked, voice scarily neutral. None of the others had ever heard him like this, had barely heard Freddie genuinely angry like this, and Ash’s expression dropped.

“I’ve gotta go.” It’s not the answer any of them expect, nor is Ash turning on her heel and heading back into the pub before the door had even swung fully shut. Turning back to the band, they could all see that Freddie was livid.

“I’m going to gut the bastard. Gut him like a goddamn fish, I swear I will.” He seethed, hands curling and uncurling into fists, staring at the gravel. It was as if the air around him was snapping with the electricity of a storm. Looking up, all Freddie could see was how shocked the others were, even Roger, and he clenched his jaw, forcing himself to calm down.

“That’s the bastard that ruined her life.” He admitted through clenched teeth. “Roger’s fucking right, the man’s no good.” And Roger couldn’t even take the moment to bask in the vindication that would have usually surged through him at being told he was right, instead, his blood runs cold.

“He what?” Mary asked softly, and Freddie’s expression softened, looking finally between all of them, realising what he’d said.

“He’s the reason she was expelled from her last university, and...” Frowning, Freddie shakes his head. Brian, John, and Mary all took a moment to process this new information, shock written all over their faces. “It’s not my place,” and he started on a new strand of information, “he was her teacher, he started a clandestine affair with her when she started university, and,” pausing again, he sighed, the anger still clearly flowing through him, though it had simmered down to a bitter rage, “not my place.” He repeated. 

“Doesn’t he have a wife and family? How old was she?” Brian asked, a little aghast, and Freddie sighed.

“She was eighteen.” Freddie sighed.

“She was a kid.” Roger breathed, anger bubbling up inside of him.

“Hey, that’s only a year younger than me.” John pointed out, but Roger turned on him.

“Oh, I’m sorry John, are you having an affair with one of your teachers that we need to stage an intervention for?” He snapped, and John’s face fell, and he looked to the ground.

“I’m just saying she was an adult is all, doesn’t make it right, but she can make her own choices.” He paused. “She seems happy.” Both Freddie and Roger deflated at that, they’re all quiet for a long moment, and without a word, Freddie heads inside.

“Ash.” When he says her name, she looks up with an expression that tells him she’s ready to fight.

“He’s different now, Freddie.” She tells him, already defending herself and the man who she knows in her heart probably doesn’t deserve it. Freddie was ready to fight him the moment he heard August’s name, and he didn’t even know the full story. Sure he could gather the impact it had on Ash, but he never really truly realised the effect August had on her.

“What does that mean, Ash? What exactly is keeping me from coming over here and beating him bloody with my microphone next time we play here?” Freddie asked, voice very serious. Pulling off her apron, Ash told Maureen, who had been eavesdropping on the conversation, that she was knocking off for the night, which Maureen agreed to, and Ash walked around the bar and took Freddie’s hand.

“We’re not having this conversation here.” She hissed, pulling him into the staff bathroom and locking it behind them. “I love him.” She said through gritted teeth, crossing her hands over her chest, looking away. “And after everything I did, I think he still loves me too.”

“After everything you- Ash do you hear yourself?” Freddie takes a deep breath, steadying himself, holding her shoulders, “He start an affair with you, his student, refuse to be seen with you in public, and used his power within the faculty to kick you out of school when you wanted to stop-”

“I only wanted to stop because I found out he was engaged when his fiance found out about me!” Ash cried, as if it were somehow her fault. Freddie actually stepped back.

“Found out about you- He was engaged?!” He whispered, eyes wide and horrified. “Darling that’s nowhere near being your fault. He had a whole town calling you a slut and a homewrecker; he didn’t love you, he ran you out of Scotland.” 

“He ran me out of Fife.” She spits back the correction. “I would know, I was there.” But she doesn’t seem to connect to the words he’s saying, it’s as if she’s replayed the events in her head so many times that she’s become desensitised to it. “But he’s changed, I was practically a kid last time, I’m different now too. And if he didn’t love me then,” she looks a little hurt as she says it, and Freddie doesn’t know if he wants to hug her or shake some sense into her, “well I think he does now.” After a beat she ducked her gaze, voice becoming a weary sigh as she leaned against the counter. “Listen, Freds, I’ll keep him out of the bar, you won’t have to see him, but this is my life.”

“Don’t make the same mistake again-”

“He’s told me that Kira’s his ex-fiance, so I don’t think she’ll be a problem.” Ash rolled her eyes at Freddie, who opened his mouth to protest that that wasn’t the point, but she added. “Can you get Roger to shut up? I’m sick of hearing him bitching.” 

“Did something happen between you two?” Is what Freddie finally finds himself asking.

“I could get used to this.” Roger grins at her when she brings him a cup of tea in the warm light of the late morning, a book under one of her arms. She keeps using the mug with the cat faces on it for him, he’s started calling it ‘his mug’ and maybe she’s started calling it that too in her mind.

“Yeah, well don’t. You can get your own tea next time.” Ash laughed, sitting up beside in bed, cradling her own tea in one hand, pulling out the book with the other.

“Just show me where everything is, I think I could manage.” Roger chuckles, putting his free arm around her where she’s sat back against the headboard. “What are you reading?” Looking at him with a little surprise, Ash smiles slightly, taking a big gulp of tea, putting the mostly full cup on the bedside table before tucking herself against him, opening up the book.

“I found it in the common room, it’s one of those trashy romance novels,” after a beat, she closed the book, keeping her place with her finger, showing him the cover, where a woman was posing sensuously with a hand on a beautifully painted horse, “but I think she fucks the horse.” Roger snorts at that, his arm tightening around her just a little.

He doesn’t have an answer, just laughs, reading with her when she opens the book back up. It’s soft and domestic, her head on his chest as they both read the novella, sipping their tea on occasion. The blinds are down, but there’s still stripes of light peeking through, hitting the floor with golden light and the room feels warm and hazy. They stay like that for a long while, Roger actually becomes rather engrossed in the story, and when Ash shifts to lean over and take a sip of her tea, he takes the book to read ahead a few lines. When she turns back, she just watches him for a moment, a fond smile slowly spreading over her face, and when he finally looks up, realised he was caught, she leans forward, pressing a kiss to his lips, sweet, her hand coming up to cup his cheek, and when she pulls back, he’s smiling back at her, a little confused.

“What was that for?” He grinned, and Ash shrugged, ducking her head to hide her blush.

“I dunno, maybe the book got me going.” She lied easily, and Roger’s expression turns a little unreadable, though it’s clear he doesn’t believe her.

“We weren’t even up to the hot part!” He countered, and Ash laughed, taking the book from him, but he stays holding it, lets himself be pulled with it until he’s meeting her for a kiss, his hand on her wrist when he lets go of the book to move up her arm and start sliding off her dressing gown. “Not that I’m complaining.”

Yeah, Ash had thought, I could get used to this.

“Hello, Ash?” In the present, Freddie waves a hand in front of her face. Ash’s expression soured as her chest began to ache.

“No, okay? Nothing happened between us, Freddie. Roger’s just being a bitch.”

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