#i tried so hard to make dina dark skinned but it always gave me a yt woman sksiawman

[its-cassney-simtch]

What If… The Sims 2 was an early 2000s drama movie? Pt. 2

DISCLAIMER: I DON’T support the usage of AI professionally, however it’s really fun to use it to create concepts like these 😭 some of y’all loved pt. 1 so feel free to drop some suggestions if you want more!

[wildfangz]

ok *cracks knuckles* bitchin time. This is long but i have an autism license so thats allowed. thank you. Also disclaimer that I haven’t actually looked at any of them in game, just in screenshots.

Mortimer is the only one here who feels like a drastic improvement. Super happy they gave him that specific mustache. He looks so much more like the morty we know and love to the point I might check him out in CAS and re-do my morty makeover w/ him as a base. 

Imo, and I think I can speak for most people that were looking forward to the townie makeovers, one of the most important updates was giving Bella and Cassandra the right skintones. But they’re still off! The skintone update was SO good, with so much variation, yet they still have washed out skin. It looks ashy, it’s not nearly as warm as it should be (which from what I could see was the MAIN complaint w/ the concept art) and it still doesn’t look dark enough.

WHY CHANGE BELLA’S DRESS.  Her hair was fine too imo though the new style doesnt look bad but WHY CHANGE HER DRESS. I feel like they tried waaaay too hard giving them a complete makeover when what we really needed was just a little more care put into them, as well as lore updates. Dina & Nina were the ones that needed a massive makeover moreso.

Speaking of lore updates... I’ve seen people say aside from likes/dislikes there really hasn’t been any changes? Which I can understand why that’d need to be a later update but I think that was the other important aspect we were looking forward too and I would have liked at least some comments on it, even if it amounted to nothing but “its coming eventually” 

Is part of the future lore update going to be something like there’s a bella imposter in the home? bc thats not bella. I have no idea why they had to change her face so much, like aside from skintone the concept art was so much better in comparison. I think Bella is the most disappointing here for me because she was only one that looked okay originally? A skintone update, cold/hot weather outfits, etc were really the only things she needed. Have no idea who decided she needed to have that No Chin problem waaay too many fucking townies have, though maybe that’s just the angle, but idk. It does look like they brought her chin up and I just don’t get it. :/

I have to agree w/ ppl that I don’t like what they did w/ Alexander. I know one of my friends felt like changing his skintone was kind of performative on their part and I’d have to agree, though for me it’s not the world’s biggest deal, just weird. Not to discount anyone that does feel uncomfortable w/ it like my friend did, just not my place to be offended by it or anything yknow. What I can say is I always liked how Cassandra took after Bella more while Alex took after Morty & I’m gonna keep that for my makeover. & They did the poor lad so dirty when he’s aged up lmao. That being said maybe an unpopular opinion but I actually think the hair change was cute & more fitting.

The best way I could describe the new Cassandra is just...disappointing. Like she looks better! There was improvement there for sure. But at the same time, I was hoping they’d change her face a bit more, to look more like her sims 2 version. Get rid of the softer look and make her face look thinner, longer. Looks like they might have done a bit of work, I just would have liked to see some more.

I was so excited about the makeovers bc so many of the earlier sims were in desperate need. The Caliente sisters specifically needed SO much work, that was the BIG one to me, but this makeover doesn’t give me much faith that the team will actually understand whats wrong with them aside from the whitewashing. And that’s only because everyone was thankfully so loud about it for so long. Like I think they’re just going to try harder to make them look more arab/hispanic which will probably include getting rid of their green eyes and call it a day without even touching on the alien thing. I’d like to hope they’d fix their personalities too since people were loudly irritated about that but. :/

[suffering-and-happy-about-it]

Favored Ones, Part 3. (Joel Miller x Fem!reader)

Description: When you spend every evening with someone who's deeply under your skin, a certain relationship can be developed. So it's crushing for Joel when Y/N suddenly disappears. But there's way more to the relationship that one would've guessed.

A/N: It's starting to get boiling hot in here or is it just me?

Warnings: Joel being kind of an asshole tbh, some angst. Nothing too big, I swear.

Word count: 1.9 K

Tagging: @nemodoren @missdictatorme @xxgoldenhour​

If you like this story, please, more parts can be found here! :): H E R E

A month before events of the hunt, November 2038:

The arrow flew through the air. Cold November air. But instead of its target, it hit a tree next to it, which made the deer run away. You quickly cursed under your breath.

"I told you that your elbow is too low." - A man next to you with his typical I told you so smile. You just rolled your eyes and held a small smile on your lips, bumping a hand into his shoulder.

"Come on. It was the air. It gets thicker as it gets colder." - You stood up from wet leaves and cleaned your plants from the mud. Yeah, guess who's doing the laundry tonight. You put the bow on your shoulder and let the chord relax for a minute.

"Oh, so now we're using air as an excuse, okay." - Joel chuckled and stood up. You already hunt down two rabbits - both of them were shot down by Joel. But you tried your best. - "But there's some progress there. You missed its head for only one and a half feet." - He patted your shoulder.

"Leave me the fuck alone. I tried. And I didn't make it run, I was as quiet as a mouse." - You stood up as well and put the quiver and the bow higher on your shoulder. The tone of your voice may have sounded really annoyed, but you were smiling. Joel knew that he shouldn't take it personally.

"Stop cursing." - He hopped on his horse and looked at you. - "It makes you sound like a child, not like a tough adult as you may think." - That was something he was telling you all the time. That you should behave. Or try your best at least around him.

He cursed as well, from time to time, but you were a cursing machine. But you remembered the time when he took you to the woods for the first time - his foot slipped on wet leaves and he fell flat on his back. That's when a loud fuck came out of his lips and it made run all the animals in your radius. You just stood there, crying from laughter.

"I will try my best to behave, big guy." - You winked at him and hopped on Sadie's back as well. Secret jokes and nicknames when you two were alone became a thing as well. The only thing you knew was that you were falling for that guy more and more as the passed.

You couldn't stop staring at his back in that old jacket as he led the way from his horse's back, you were proud when you made his parted lips smile and his almost black eyes shine with a joke. Your ears took his teasing tone like music, his laughter as melody. You were a fool for that old man.

And the more you fell, the harder it was for you to only hunt alongside him. You never thought of that thing called the American dream - but you were more than sure that if you would have the luxury to have a family, it would most likely be with him.

Or a simple kiss would to the trick, it could be both. You were a mess for that man.

So that's why you decided to act on your feelings - no matter the result, you needed to tell him. Just for your good feeling.

One time the other almost thought that you're a thing and nothing made you prouder until that very evening. You could be called a genius - you could blow up almost everything, so your help with making explosives to use during the operations in the city was really useful. And you had fun.

When Joel stepped into an old garage, which you called your laboratory, you were there with explosive powder in your hand, your face was from oil completely and Doom And Gloom by the Rolling Stones were blasting in the air. Ellie once found you a mixtape on an old city in the town and you just fell for that song if you could be honest. It supported your creative spirit, you always said.

"Kinda busy here, girls?" - Joel asked and smiled at Ellie sitting on of your workbenches. They maybe weren't as close as they used to, but it still made Joel smile when he saw his baby girl contained and relaxed around her friends. - "I can come later."

"No need for that." - You shouted over the music and shoved the wrench you held in the second hand behind your belt. - "I will be only testing the bombs from the old gun powder Dina and Jesse found on their patrol. I hope that it is going to be a fucking blast!" - You turned to him. Your oily face made Joel's face soften with a smile.

Your eyes were caught by the quiver full of arrows. Ellie smiled behind her hand. Joel worked on the quiver for the last month and he made every single arrow in it. It was the finest craftsmanship. Ellie knew that Joel only took it as a nice gift to make you continue the training, but even though, it was sweet.

"Just brought you this. I'll leave it at the workbench, okay?" - He shouted over the music. You nodded in a mesmerized state. That man was truly over the top.

"For me?" - You shouted back, unable to move forward.

"You've earned that quiver. We'll test it out when the weekend passes by, okay?" - He smiled and left.

Since that, you always left it on a place where your eyes could easily search for it, always smiling to yourself when you reminded who gave it to you and what did they say. You earned that quiver with your patience and will to learn all of it.

But you needed to act on the feelings you had, not only thinking about all of it. So when you rode on your horses though the path leading through the woods, you knew it was your time to speak. You had proximately twenty minutes before you'll arrive back.

"I need to talk to you." - You said and spared him a shy look. Almost immediately, you turned your face back to look into the direction you wanted to ride in.

"What's going on? Something wrong with the bow?" - Joel asked and didn't even look at you. You felt as your stomach was a-ok ready to throw up any minute. Even though the thick, cold November air, you felt too warm, almost burning. You were nervous as hell.

"It's pretty private." - You stuttered out. You heard Joel's chuckle.

"Something about a boy or a girl? You sure I am the right one to listen?" - He teased you.

"You're definitely the one. Uh, I mean... Yeah, it's about a man." - You stuttered out, almost choking on your own words during your answer. Your heart was about to fall from your very own chest. Your fingers holding the leash were trembling. Was this a good idea? No. Should you do it? Probably yes.

"That's great. I suppose it's about the fisherman's son, isn't it? A lot of girls are after him there days." - Joel chuckled and turned his horse to face right as you walked on the main road leading to Jackson County.

"No! Jesus fucking Christ! It's not about some dumb fisherman, just, stop!" - You yelled so aggressively that Joel stopped the horse and directly faced you. At that moment, you truly caught his attention.

"So who's the man? Or the girl?" - He looked you in the eyes.

"Well, it's one handsome man who's fairly older than me. But he has one of the most handsome faces and back I've ever seen, he's patient with me and I'm spending almost every single afternoon with him now." - You told him without saying his name out loud, but his cynical laughter made you aware that he knows that you're talking about him. Joel's look traveled away from you as he was laughing.

"Oh boy, that's a situation right here. Did you even think that through?" - Joel gave you a quick wink and made the horse ride again. You were confused about what he's meaning by that. Was he accepting what you've had told him? Was he angry? Was he angry? Or flattered? You couldn't tell at all.

"Joel, that's the problem." - You made Sadie go as fast as he was riding, so you could still be looking at the profile of his face. Messy hair, manly jaw, and chin, long and pretty sharp nose, small lips hidden between his beard and his dark eyes looking in front of him. And those broad shoulders... Girl, you were a mess. - "I thought about that every single evening. It only stopped when I was working on my bombs. Everyone wants me to find a young boy, to settle down and have a family. But that's not me at all. I like adventures, exploring new roads and areas, feel new emotions, to explore new things, I don't want to have a boring life. And I think that you know what I mean, Joel." - You smiled shyly.

"It could be kind of hard at the beggings. The elders maybe won't accept it and the girls might look at me weirdly. But it will be good as the time would pass by." - You chuckled silently with a warm look in your eyes. But Joel was deadly serious at that time.

"Youngblood... Sometimes it's good to just settle down, to forget that something happened out there in the big world and to just live. I never had the luck to have all of that." - Joel smiled sadly. He wanted you to have all of that because that was the only thing that could be sure in that new, cruel world that you were living in.

"So what's your answer?" - You said breathlessly as you saw the gates of Jackson County in front of you. - "I need to know because I don't know if I will ever find the courage to tell you again."

"I pretty much appreciate your courage, because it took a lot of it to tell me and I'm aware of that. I'm glad that I know about what you're feeling. But..." - He coughed into his palm and looked at you for a while. - "I just don't do these things."

You stopped your horse and gulped down. He turned you down. Joel turned you down. He said no. And it hurt you as well, you were about to cry.

"You're... You're not into women?" - You asked quietly. That would explain the situation completely and it would make your grief a bit less. It would hurt, but you would get over it as the time would pass.

"No. I just don't do these things. That's what I meant." - He smiled at you. He wasn't a bit angry, in fact, nothing had changed in his eyes. You were just the young blood he was teaching how to use a bow.

But you were heartbroken as fuck.

[hoffkk]

One Small Glimpse

Deception Drabble - Kaymeron

Requested by: Anon

Quote Requested: “Why do you have a baby with you?”

********

“I can’t do this anymore!” Dina nearly shouted through her tears as she walked urgently into Cam’s apartment. She was a stress-crier and right now she was definitely stressed out.

“Good to see you too.” Cameron quipped, trying to lighten the mood as he closed the door behind Dina and the stroller she pushed in front of her. He knew she had volunteered to babysit her nephew for the weekend. He also knew that she wasn’t a baby person. At all. So, Cameron had a feeling he knew exactly why she was all worked up.

“He just won’t stop!” Dina complained, confirming Cam’s suspicions just like that. “I've tried everything... playing, feeding, changing him, but he just cries! No matter what I do, he cries and cries and—“ Suddenly, Dina cut herself off as she stared in awe at Cameron who was now holding her surprisingly quiet nephew. “How did you do that?” She asked, feeling completely flummoxed.

Cam bounced the baby boy on his hip and cooed at him, pausing for a moment to reply, “You've just got to stay calm."  He took a moment to cover the little one's ears then continued in a whisper,  "Babies are like sharks. They can sense fear.”

Dina wasn’t sure if that information was totally accurate, but she wasn’t about to argue. The baby was finally quiet, and that was all that really mattered. So, instead of questioning his wisdom, she probed about his methods, “How did you get so good with kids?”

“Much like my magic skills and good looks, it is yet another heavenly gift I have been bestowed.” He answered confidently. “Isn’t it, little man? Yeah, it is. Yeah, it is!” Cam cooed again, making the baby give him a high five with his tiny hand.

Smiling nervously, Dina bit her lip and said sheepishly, “Look, I know it’s a lot to ask but... can you please look after Leo for a little while?

“What do you think, Leo?” Cam asked the little mocha skinned munchkin in his arms. “Wanna hang out with Uncle Cam for a bit?” Leo squealed, causing slobber to drip down his chin as he waved his hands happily. “I’ll take that as a yes.” He grinned, pulling a magic hanky from his sleeve and wiping Leo’s face.  "And so can you."

“Thank you!” Dina sighed in relief then ran over to hug her friend. “Cameron, you are a life saver!” She told him as she gave him a gentle embrace around Leo.

“Don’t mention it.” He waved off, then after a moment added, “Actually, if you want to mention it to Kay, that’d be cool. You know, just saying.”

Aware of his little thing for Kay and that she now owed him big time, Dina just nodded her head and smiled, “I will talk you up SO hard next time I see her.” With that, she gave Leo a quick kiss on-top of his dark curls and darted to the door. “Everything you’ll need is in his diaper bag in the stroller. I’ll be back around dinner time. Thanks again!”

Cameron, who was too busy blowing raspberries on Leo’s tummy, barely heard her over his giggles. “I’m sorry, what?” He said after a moment looking over to where Dina had just been standing, but she was long gone. Unconcerned, Cam gave a quick shrug and began playing peek-a-boo with his new little buddy.

********

It was a little after one, and Kay had just finished her afternoon run through the park. She stopped by the big fountain as always and did a few cool down stretches. First, she stretched her legs. Then, she moved to her arms. As Kay pulled her left arm across her chest, she inhaled the sweet scent of lilacs and took in the scene around her. There was a family having a picnic, a young couple on a stroll, few other joggers like herself, and an elderly couple sitting on the fountain’s edge, feeding the birds around them. Down a few feet from Mr. and Mrs. Birdseed, was a young father playing with his baby boy. Kay couldn’t help but watch as he lifted his baby up and tossed him playfully in the air. It was so sweet. It made Kay’s heart tingle a little... as well as another place on her body. Let’s just say her biological clock was ticking loudly at the moment.

Still watching the father and son moment across the small grassy field, Kay dropped her left arm and repeated the motion with her right. As she did, she noticed the man switched from tossing the baby to making him fly around. Now that the little one was moving from side to side, Kay was better able to discern the man’s face. It was hard to see specifics, but she could tell he was about her age with dirty blonde hair and a charming dimpled smile. Wait a minute...

Squinting into the sun, Kay took a few steps closer and realized what or rather who she was seeing.

Making her way over to the man, she called out in confusion, “Cameron?”

“Oh, hey, Kay.” He grinned, placing the baby on his lap. Cam raked his eyes over her appreciatively. She always looked good but seeing her in spandex leggings and a racer back tank was truly something else. “Nice outfit.” He noted in a playful tone.

“Nice baby.” She retorted in kind.

“Leo meet Kay. Kay, Leo.” He introduced, holding out Leo’s teeny hand toward Kay.

“Hi, Leo.” Kay said sweetly, stretching out her index finger for Leo to grasp. He gave it a tight squeeze, making her heart melt and smile widen. “So...” She added after a moment, her curiosity getting the better of her. “You wanna tell me why you have a baby with you?”

“He’s Dina’s nephew.” Cameron explained. “She offered to babysit for her sister, but things weren't exactly working out.”

“What do you mean?” She asked, taking a seat next to him on the fountain ledge.

“Let’s just say Dina and babies go together like orange juice and toothpaste... and as someone who brushed their teeth before breakfast this morning I can attest that that is a terrible combination.” Cameron elaborated humorously.

Kay chuckled and said, “Gotcha.” then instantly returned her attention to Leo. He was so adorable that she couldn’t help but tell him so. “Aren’t you just a precious little man?” She cooed.

“I know,” Cam replied, accepting the compliment for himself with a teasing smirk. “It’s both a gift and a curse.”

Kay just rolled her eyes in response, expecting nothing less from her partner.

For the next few minutes, Cameron sat and watched as Kay played tickle monster with the bouncing baby boy in his arms. He loved the way her face lit up at Leo’s giggles and babbles. He also liked how Kay wasn’t fazed by a little drool or spit up. She would just grab the burp cloth sitting atop his shoulder and wipe the mess away before continuing with their little game. It was evident that Kay would make an amazing parent one day.

“You are pretty good at this.” He complimented.

“I’m not so sure about that... but thanks.” Kay responded awkwardly yet appreciatively.

“I mean it.” Cam told her with certainty. “When the time comes, you’ll be a great mom.”

Blushing a little, she smiled and quipped, “So will you.”

Letting out a little chuckle, Cam queried, “You wanna hold him?”

“I probably shouldn’t. I mean, I don’t want to interrupt your afternoon.” Kay responded, glancing at her smart watch. Holy crap. Had she really been sitting here for a half hour already? “You know, I should probably get going.” She added, but really wanted to do anything but. It was her first day off in forever, and she had planned a “me” day, but, now that she was hanging out with Cam and Leo, Kay really liked the idea of a “we” day much better.

“We don’t mind. Do we buddy?” Cam asked looking to Leo. Mimicking a baby voice, Cam held him out to her and said “Stay, Kay! Stay! Hold me!”

Leo scrunched his little nose and gave her the cutest grin. How could she say no to that face? So instead she sighed, “All right, come here, little man. Come see Auntie Kay.”

Stretching his smile to meet his steel blue eyes, Cameron happily handed over Leo. Then, he proceed to watch the two of them play for a while longer before intervening to give the baby his bottle. Kay, not ready to give him up just yet, took the milk from Cameron along with the duties of feeding and burping. Cam didn’t mind. He loved watching them together. It made him think of his own future. A future with Kay and perhaps a child of their own. Realizing where his mind was going, he shook the thoughts away quickly and made a comment about Leo needing a nap.

“You gonna head back to your place?” She wondered aloud.

“Yeah, eventually.” Cam answered as he packed the toys they had used back up in the diaper bag along with Leo’s now empty bottle. “I’ll stroll him through the park first though. That should put him right to sleep.”

Kay nodded silently before handing Leo back to Cam and asking, “Mind if I tag along?” When he just blinked at her a moment, she added, “I don’t have to. I mean, if you don’t want me—“

“I want you,” Cam told her hurriedly, feeling like a jerk for suddenly trying to leave her behind. Realizing how awkward his words came out, he quickly amended, “to come... to come with me. Come for a walk with us.” He finally got out, using a phrase that didn’t sound completely inappropriate.

Seeing his cheeks flush with embarrassment, Kay smirked and said, “I’d really enjoy that.”

After staring at each other for a moment more, Cameron put Leo into the stroller, strapped him in, then gestured to the dirt walking path and inquired, “Shall we?”

The two of them walked for about an hour as Leo slept soundly, talking about this and that. Given the situation, the topic of kids naturally came up. While they both disagreed in amount (Kay liking the idea of just one and Cameron wanting a houseful), they both agreed that they did want kids someday... when the time was right."

A little while after that, Leo started to stir and get fussy, so Kay drove them all back to Cam’s (he had taken the subway earlier) so they could change the baby's diaper in the privacy of his apartment. For the remainder of the day, the three of them bonded as they went through a repetitious cycle of playing, feeding, and changing. Unfortunately, Leo got gassy and wouldn’t nap again. He got fussy for a while too, only relaxing whenever Cam would hold him. Needless to say, it was a fun yet exhausting evening.

********

Around 7 o’clock, Dina returned to the apartment for her nephew. She was about to knock when it occurred to her that Leo might be sleeping. Not wanting to risk waking him, if that was indeed the case, she pulled the spare key from her purse that Cameron had given her forever ago. Inserting it into the lock, Dina opened the door slowly and quietly. Not hearing much of anything from the entryway, she carefully shut the door and made her way further into the apartment. It wasn’t long before she spotted them in the living room.

Cameron laid passed out on the couch with Leo bundled in his arms, snoozing contently on his chest. Toys and diapers were strewn about, and the television softly played some children’s show that she didn’t recognize. It was all very adorable yet not really surprising... except for one detail.

Kay was there.

She was passed out on the couch next to Cameron, her head nestled on his shoulder, and a hand resting gently on Leo’s back like she had been giving him a soothing bedtime rub before falling asleep herself.

Not wanting to disturb the sweet moment, Dina quietly went to the kitchen and left a note for Cam, telling him to call her when he woke up.  Unable to stop herself, she went back to the living room to see the cuteness one more time and snap a picture of it with her phone.  With a cheeky smile, Dina hit save and made her way back out the same way she had come, all the while thinking and hoping...

that this was just one small glimpse of a big, bright future that lay ahead for Cameron and Kay. Together.

[artificialqueens]

Dina’s Fun Aunt Holiday Bonus Part 2 (Trixya) – Ellen Thwoorp

Summary – Their first day at the resort is a rollercoaster. There’s ups and downs but they come out of it wobbly but happy. Katya makes friends, some she wants, some she doesn’t. But no matter what happens shes happy to end the night with Trixie.

A/N: I’m sorry this is late but I thought I’d finished it, reread it and hated it so it’s had some work done. I hope you enjoy it. Did somebody say 1/3 smut? Because that is factually accurate.

“Have you seen Katya?” Svetlana asked, her jaw set as Dina hung on her arm.

“No, are you guys heading to unpack?” Trixie asked, giving the mother a sympathetic look.

“Yes do you want us to wait for you? Only Dina’s tired and we want to get her to the room.”

“No that’s fine, I’ll go find Katya.” She said with a smiled, picking up her and Katya’s bags and trailing their suitcase behind her. Where on Earth had the other woman gotten to? They’d been at the resort barely half an hour and she’d already disappeared.

She turned a corner and finally spotted her girlfriend sat on a bench with an old man. The pair could not look more contrasting in appearance. While Katya somehow managed to clash with everything with her bright red shorts and crazy sunglasses, the man could not look more ordinary. His white hair, contrasting starkly against his dark skin, was mostly covered by a dull brown hat, matching the tanned brown colour of his jacket. He had his hand rested on a walking stick, an old looking book and a worn duffle bag sat beside him on the bench. Katya was speaking animatedly while the man watched in amusement. Trixie approached, it was quite common for Katya to suddenly strike up friendships with random people, yet this was the most surprising victim of Katya’s madness.

“Trixie.” Katya cried when she spotted her, waving her over enthusiastically. Trixie came to stand beside her, dropping the bags. “What did I tell you Stephen, isn’t she beautiful?” Katya grinned, pulling Trixie into her lap. The teacher let out a surprised laugh as Katya wrapped arms around her.  

“You were right, indeed.” The man spoke, his thick East Londonaccent taking Trixie by surprise. “Miss Mattel, nice to meet you. Dr Stephen Parkhurst at your service.” He said holding his hand out to her.  

“Trixie Mattel, it’s a pleasure.” She replied, shaking his hand with a smile.

“Stephen was an army doctor in World War Two and he’s been travelling the world to find his extended family on his mother’s side.”

“Thank you for your service.”

“It’s fascinating, he used to work as a mechanic and he was just telling me all about the inner workings of a tank!” Katya continued excitedly. The doctor looked at her with a smile. Trixie grinned, only Katya would come up to a veteran in a shirt with the ‘what does the fox say?’ meme on it and sunglasses in the shape of pineapples and be able to talk to him about tanks without batting an eyelid. The older man seems fondly surprised by the woman rather than confused or weirded out. Trixie liked that. She hated it when people treated her like she was actually crazy or too much. She was mad sure, but she didn’t like the idea of her being ostracised for it.

“Wow, you’ve lived quite a life.” Trixie commented, catching the man’s eye knowingly.

“And I hope to continue to do so.” The old man laughed.

“Svetlana suggested we go eat at seven after unpacking." Trixie said, turning to look at her girlfriend.

"Ah, we better go unpack.” Katya sighed as Trixie stood. “I’ll see you soon Stephen, don’t think you’re finished with me yet. I want to hear all your stories.”

“I best find my room too.” Stephen said, clapping his hands together.

“Are you heading our way?” The Doctor nodded. “You don’t need any help do you?” Trixie asked, holding out a hand as the man leant on his stick to stand.

“No thank you Trixie, you are very kind.” He said appreciatively as Katya picked up all their bags and suitcase. Trixie went to take one of them off her but she waved her off, motioning for them to go in front of her. “Katya told me a lot about you. She mentioned that you are teaching your children all sorts about the history of the world. How many do you two have?” Stephen asked as they began to make their way inside.

“Oh, none ourselves I’m a teacher. We’re here with our- um Katya’s niece.” Trixie laughed, blinking in surprise at her own mistake. When had Dina become her niece too?

“Ah, she’d be a good mum that one. Mad as a box of frogs if it’s not impertinent for me to say so." He said in a low voice so Katya couldn’t hear him, jerking his head behind them.

"No, I totally know what you mean."

"Reminds me rather of my wife, god rest her soul. She was wild like her. You’re the sane one aren’t you?”

“I’d hope so.” Trixie smiled.

“Well it has been lovely meeting you both, I’m just down there.” The old man smiled as they came to a split in the corridor. “Good afternoon ladies.” He said, touching the edge of his hat as he made his way down the hallway.

……………

“That waiter is flirting with you.” Trixie grumbled as she seasoned the pasta dish she’d ordered. Katya rolled her eyes.

“No he isn’t. He’s just being nice. You’re just afraid he’ll like Contact too.” Katya snorted, nudging the other woman with her foot. Svetlana laughed. Trixie had been very happy to find out the Svetlana hadn’t been impressed by Contact either.

“Nope, I’m pretty sure it’s just the two of you that like that film.” Trixie insisted, looking at the other couple for back up. Peter laughed, shrugging with a kind of fondness. People did that a lot around Katya. People often had no idea what she was saying but they knew they liked her so they’d just laugh and shrug fondly.

“You’re just jealous because wait staff always like me.”

“It’s true though. Have you noticed that not only does she know half the waiters and waitresses in the area but they all love her?” Svetlana nodded as she sipped her drink, casting a fond look at Katya.

“I always tip twenty percent. More if they were very good.” Katya said matter-of-factly, eating a forkful of ravioli. Trixie snorted as Katya suddenly realised she’d overfilled her mouth. Katya turned to her with a face akin to that of a hamster hiding its food and gave her a tight smile.

“You mean if they tell jokes.” Trixie corrected because when Katya meant good she meant funny. Someone could rob her in the street and if they told a knock knock joke and made a pun while they took all her money she’d give them a five star Yelp review and tell the story fondly for years.

“Have you heard of that restaurant where the wait staff are paid to be mean to you?” Peter asked, leading to a lengthy conversation on just how mean is too mean and the Monty Python argument clinic sketch.

……………..

“That’s a really cool necklace.” The waiter said to Katya as he began to pile their empty plates so he could carry them away. Katya grinned, putting a hand to the necklace Trixie had bought her online. It was made up several small hands and doll arms, each was holing a little book. Each book had the title of a famous piece of gothic literature on. Trixie had known she’d like the necklace the second she saw it and bought it immediately.

“Thank you. It was a gift.” Katy beamed. Trixie chuckled, resting her cheek on her palm. She remembered how excited Katya had been when she opened it.

“A pretty necklace for a pretty girl. He must be really nice to buy you all that stuff.” The waiter laughed, placing their cutlery on top of the plates.

“Who?” Katya asked with a frown.

“Your boyfriend.”

“I don’t have a boyfriend.”

“Oh, interesting. Can I get you guys anything else?” He grinned, pulling out his notebook and pen.

“Can we get a chocolate sundae, a sticky toffee pudding and the cheesecake?” Svetlana ordered, watching him scribble the words down with a small frown. Katya rolled her eyes, no doubt her sister thought flirting in the work place unprofessional.

“Cool. I’ll be right back with your desserts.” The waiter said with a clap of his hands, taking their places away.

“Told you he was flirting with you.” Trixie grumbled, sitting back in her seat and taking a drink of her wine.

“So what?” Katya shrugged.

“So maybe tell him you’re not interested. I’m right here, Katya.” Trixie frowned indignantly. How could she not understand?  “How would you feel if someone was brazenly flirting with me in front of you?”

“It wouldn’t bother me.” Katya replied with a laugh. Her jovial manner only fuelled Trixie’s annoyance.

“That food was really good wasn’t it Sv-“ Peter interjected hoping to curb the argument.

“Oh, it wouldn’t bother you?”

“No because I trust you not to cheat on me with the fucking waiter.” Katya said exasperatedly, throwing her hands up in the air and falling back into her seat.

“Katya!” Svetlana reprimanded, jerking her head towards Dina who was hardly paying attention as she tried to get her doll’s hair to stand up.

“Sorry, fudging. Don’t say that word Dina, its bad.” The Russian amended quickly before turning back to the conversation.

“It’s not about trust, you know it isn’t. Don’t even go there.” Trixie said softly, unable to even look at Katya. The day had been so long and tiring she couldn’t help but be a bit irritable. Part of her brain knew she was probably being a bit unreasonable and quick to anger. Katya often said a tired Trixie was a trying Trixie, which annoyed Trixie both because it was stupid and because it was true.

“Look, it’s none of his business Trix. Let’s just enjoy our food.” Katya sighed, trying to resolve the argument before they actually became seriously angry at each other.

“I can’t enjoy my food when a guy is just flirting with my girlfriend. He should know that you’re mine.”

“Stop being so possessive, it’s not a cute look on you.” Katya snapped, any humour gone from her voice as she looked at Trixie with a serious expression. Her tone was low and flat as she looked at Trixie with hard eyes. It wasn’t often Trixie saw her girlfriend look like that, but she knew it was a very bad sign. Trixie blinked before looking away, taking a sip of her wine. There was an awkwardly long pause where no one spoke.

“I’m sorry.” Trixie said quietly, breaking the silence. “I’m tired. I shouldn’t have-” She tried to explain rubbing her eyes. It had been such a long day and this guy had hit a little close to home. There was always a part of her that was possessive of Katya but that was only because she was afraid of losing her. She was afraid someone else would notice how amazing she was and take her away from her.

“No, I’m sorry. I wasn’t thinking about it from your perspective.” Katya assured her, taking Trixie’s hand in her own and kissing the back of it. They’d talked about this sort of thing briefly before. Katya sometime forgot that Trixie didn’t see everything the way she did. She knew Trixie was sometimes a little insecure in the stability of their relationship. She was a product of her upbringing. She’d told Katya that when she was young if she didn’t hold onto something or fight for it she’d lose it to her sister or parents. “I forgive you.”

“I forgive you too.” Trixie breathed in relief, looking at Katya with bright eyes. “I love you.”

“I love you too. Now cake.” Katya said cheerily as she spotted the waiter heading over to them with two dishes and a tall glass.

“Cake.” Svetlana agreed, glad the conflict was over. She found herself surprised how quickly the pair had made up. She knew relationships were difficult sometimes. Peter and herself had had their fair share of spats too.

“Ok, I have one sundae.” The waiter smiled, placing the sundae in front of Dina as instructed. “One sticky toffee pudding.” He placed the pudding in front of Peter when he raised his hand. “And a slice of cheesecake.” He said finally, looking at the other occupants. Katya nodded.

“Can we have two spoons? My girlfriend likes to say she doesn’t want any but she always does.” Katya asked brightly, waving the hand that was still joined in Trixie’s. He gave their joined hands an odd look as he placed the cake down in front of them.

“Sure.” The waiter replied, his smile not reaching his eyes as he looked between them. He nodded and left to fetch them a spoon.

“Happy?”

“Yeah. I didn’t know I was getting cheesecake too.” Trixie joked, squeezing Katya’s hand as she nudged her with her shoulder. Svetlana and Peter chuckled.

“Oh please, ‘didn’t know’. When was the last time I had a dessert to myself?” Katya snorted, drawing a line down the middle of the slice before cutting it with her spoon.

“You must be special, I’ve never seen Katya share her desserts before.” Svetlana laughed as the waiter came and carelessly handed them another spoon.

……………

“Ok, so Trix and I were stood there in the middle of the mall, covered in ice cream with this Jack Russell eying us up. The baby was crying and clown statue’s head was rolling into one of posh restaurants, we still had no idea what happened to my shoe and this old lady comes over to us and says…” Katya reminisced, turning to Trixie for her to fill in the role of the old lady.

“If this goes viral on the Youtubes, don’t let the fame change you.” Trixie quoted in a poor New Yorker accent. Everyone around the table laughed. Katya shook her head. She wasn’t sure how or why so many mad things happened to them but at least they had fun.

“We looked for the footage but I guess no one caught it on film because we never found it.” Katya laughed, wishing there was footage of the escapades. The waiter came by and place the bill beside Katya on the table. Katya reached for the bill but Trixie stopped her.

“No you don’t, I’ll pay.” Trixie said firmly, picking up the small dish and placing it down in front of her.

“Oh, you don’t need to.” Peter argued as Trixie reached for her handbag.

“Please, you’ve brought me on holiday with you. It’s the least I can do.” Trixie insisted, smiling kindly at the pair. She could pay for every meal they ate here and she doubted she’d have paid them back for the plane tickets.

“We just wanted someone to babysit, Katya.” Svetlana chuckled.

“Hey.” Katya cried in mock outrage, turning to help Dina wipe the chocolate from her face. Trixie laughed picking up the bill.

Katya was so busy helping Dina wipe her face it took her a moment to notice Trixie had suddenly gone quiet.

“Is it more than you expected, kotenok?”

“I’m going to bed.” Trixie’s voice was a little wobbly as she pulled notes from her bag and placed them down on the dish. “Don’t tip him.” She added before standing and walking out of the restaurant.

“What’s wrong with her?” Svetlana asked as Katya picked up the bill to read it. She watched as her sister sighed, putting her hands over her eyes. Svetlana reached out to take the bill from her sister.

“Don’t Lana, don’t read it.” Katya begged as the other woman took it from her.

It read: ‘You could do better, Foxy. Call me when you change your mind, I’ll show you what you’re missing.’ Followed by his phone number and a winky face.

“Oh my God.”

“What does it say?” Dina asked, looking up from her toys as they navigated the table as though it was some kind of assault course.

“Nothing sweetie, adult business. Play your game.” Svetlana assured the child, lowering her voice when she spoke again. “How can he write that?! I’m getting the manager.”

“No, Lana. This-” Katya sighed. “This sort of thing has happened to us before. Sometimes it’s best to just ignore it.”

“Does this stuff happen to you often?”

“Sometimes. The world is full of creeps.” Katya said sadly, looking in the direction Trixie went worriedly. “Look, I’m going to go check on Trixie. It’s probably best just to leave it, Lana. You have to pick your battles.” She stood, pulling her jacket from the back of the chair. “Definitely don’t tip him though.” She added before leaving.

Svetlana scowled as the waiter watched Katya leave the room, still in disbelief as she watched her gave him the finger. She looked at her husband. They sat there having a conversation with their eyes for a few minutes.

Peter raised his hand to the waiter, waving him over. He walked over calmly, smiling at them as though nothing had happened.

“Do this again and we’ll see you manager knows about it.” Svetlana said in the sternest tone she could. The kind she used when Dina was really really naughty.

“And don’t think we won’t. Don’t serve us again.” Peter added, standing and picking up his daughter who was half asleep at the table, Barbie and Pterodactyl in hand.

…………….

Trixie sighed as she looked out at the view from their balcony. She hated that people like that always managed to get to her. Katya was much more used to it than her, having been in more openly gay relationships than Trixie. She always told her just to ‘ignore it’, ‘don’t let it get you’, ‘people are stupid’. While she understood Katya hatred for confrontation, she always wanted to shout. She wanted to scream because it wasn’t fair. Someone shouldn’t be allowed to write something like that. To look them in the eye and be so rude.

She let out a yelp of surprise as someone grabbed her suddenly from behind. A calming breath left her lungs when she saw familiar fingers lace across her stomach.

“Hello my darling.”

“Hi.” Trixie sighed, letting her head rest against Katya’s as it appeared at her shoulder. She fought the laugh that bubbled up her throat as she realised Katya must be on her tiptoes to achieve this position.

“Don’t let it get to you, kotenok.” Katya said softly, kissing her cheek and squeezing her tightly.

“I’m not.” Trixie lied, turning to face her girlfriend.

“Trixie. I know it’s shitty and I probably should have done something about it sooner.”

“No, don’t you apologise for anything that just happened.” The teacher said sternly, rubbing her hand on Katya’s back soothingly.

“Ok.” Katya nodded, pressing a quick kiss to her lips. “Don’t let him ruin it for you, its lovely here.”

She supposed it did seem very nice here, despite the douche who’d served them. The food had been delicious, most of the staff very friendly and the view was absolutely stunning. The rooms were also very nicely laid out and decorated. She and Katya their own room next door to Svetlana and Peters, the two rooms joined by a long balcony. Dina had her own little room attached to her parent’s room, which Trixie was very thankful for. Katya had told her that she normally shared a room with the girl and part of her had feared that would be the case this year too.

“Guess what?” Katya said suddenly, pulling Trixie from her thoughts

“What?”

“I’m a Lebanon.” The Russian grinned as Trixie laughed. “Guess what else?”

“What?” Trixie asked fondly.

“I love you.”

“I love you too. You and your stupid t-shirt.” Trixie snorted, poking the fox as it danced across her boobs. Katya giggled.

“Wait until you see what I’m wearing underneath." Katya said flirtily, swaying the other woman slightly.

"Will I need therapy afterwards?” The teacher quipped, casting a quick look to the sliding doors of the room next to theirs as the lights came on.

“Yes. Your brain will short circuit from sexiness.” Katya replied as Trixie pushed her gently back into their room. She slid the door behind them.

“I bought us something. A twenty seven weeks and three days anniversary present.” Katya said, rummaging in their suitcase. Warmth spread in Trixie chest as she realised Katya counted the days they had been together.

“Tah-dah.” She said holding up a box with a flourish. Trixie sat down on their bed with a curious expression.

“Bend over boyfriend?” Trixie read, taking the box from the other woman as Katya closed the curtains to the balcony.

“Ignore what it says on the box. Straight people and all that jazz.”

“Double ended-oh.” The blonde began to read before suddenly realising just what she was holding. Katya came to kneel behind her, arms draped over the other woman’s shoulders.

“Yeah so, that bit goes in whoever is wearing it and they can fuck the other person with that end.” Katya explained into her ear, pointing at the picture on the back of the box. “No harness.”

“Doesn’t it fall out?”

“Not if you’ve got a good pelvic floor or you’re wearing underwear.” Katya said with a half shrug, resting her cheek against Trixie’s. “Hey I did a bunch of research, read loads of reviews. This is good quality.”

“Was it expensive? Because you’re always complaining about my strap on but there’s really nothing wrong with it.”

“The colour of the harness clashes and it makes my butt look weird.” The Russian complained. “Anyway we haven’t even gotten to the best part.” Katya added excitedly, leaning forward to press the button on the controller. Nothing happened.

“Batteries would be an idea, sweet.”

“Shit yeah.” The Russian cursed, digging back into their suitcase on the end of the bed. Trixie chuckled as she finally found some batteries, tearing into the packet with her teeth. Trixie shuffled a little as she worked her dress over her head, the bed creaking slightly. And yet somehow Katya seemed not to notice as she opened the paper instructions trying to figure out where the batteries went.

Katya let out a soft gasp as Trixie pushed her long hair aside and began to kiss her neck. Trixie’s hands slid around her stomach, sliding up to give her breasts a squeeze.

“I’m trying to concentrate.” Katya sighed in feigned annoyance, leaning back against Trixie despite her words.

“Am I distracting you?” Trixie asked innocently, running her nails gently over the tops of Katya’s thighs. Katya finally managed to place the batteries in the right way around.

“You always distract me.” The Russian said matter-of-factly, clicking the battery cover into place. She let out a triumphant sound, turning to give Trixie a quick kiss. Trixie caught her lips, coaxing her into a longer, deeper kiss. Katya slid her tongue into her lover’s mouth as Trixie’s hand crept inside her t-shirt, the fabric dragging up as she slid her hand higher. She smiled into the kiss at the feel of lace.

“Have you been wearing nice underwear all day?” Trixie asked, pulling Katya to lay on top of her. The Russian followed whilst clumsily trying to work her way out of her t-shirt.

“No.” Katya laughed. “I changed before dinner.”

“Anticipating something were you?” Trixie asked coyly as she helped Katya out of her t-shirt.

“Well, I was hoping to score with the waiter but…” Trixie suddenly went quiet, her face lost its humour as she began to carelessly fold Katya’s t-shirt. “Sorry, it’s too soon to joke about that isn’t it?” Katya said apologetically, looking at Trixie with an anxious expression. Trixie looked away, jaw set with annoyance.

“Hey, Trixie.” Katya called after a moment, shifting a little from her place half on top of her. Trixie rolled her eyes still not looking. “Trixie.”

“What?” She sighed, turning to look at her.

“Who am I?” Katya asked from behind her hair. She’d parted her hair at the crown of her head so it fell down to cover her face. She had Trixie’s sunglasses on over her hair. Katya made garbled chirpy noises in a poor impression of Cousin Itt.

“Oh my god.” The teacher snorted, pushing the other woman’s shoulder as she couldn’t help but laugh. She remembered the first time she’d said Katya looked like Cousin Itt. She’d just come out of the shower and was towel drying her hair, leaving it in a state Trixie could hardly believe, covering her whole face. She’d laughed for such a long time at the confused, naked and faceless Katya before letting her in on the joke.

“You’re such an idiot.” She said fondly, parting the hair beneath Katya’s nose to kiss her. The other woman smiled into the kiss, evidently pleased with herself. Katya never liked to see Trixie unhappy, she’d never considered just how far she’d go just to make the woman laugh but doing stupid stuff seemed to work pretty well so far.

“I love you.” Katya grinned as came to straddle Trixie. “I love you.” She said a little louder, enjoying the crinkled that appeared at the corners of Trixie’s eyes. The teacher laughed. “I l-“ Katya began to shout, hands on either side of her mouth before Trixie shushed her through her own giggles.

“Shut up.” She giggled, pulling the other woman down to the bed.

“Make me.” Katya replied challengingly, sliding a hand around to grope her girlfriend’s ass languidly. Trixie rolled her eyes, leaning down to kiss her. Katya caught her lips eagerly, deepening the kiss as her hands slid to the hooks of Trixie’s bra. The blonde pulled away to pull it off, letting it slip down her arms and casting it onto the floor.

“You packed lube right?” Trixie checked as Katya looked her up and down with hungry eyes.

“Yeah, it’s in the red bag.”

“I’m going to grab it. You best be naked when I get back.” Trixie smirked, chuckling as Katya let out a yelp of laughter as she lightly ran her fingers down the inside of Katya’s thigh. She got off the bed, shedding her underwear as she did so. Katya laughed as she threatened to throw her underwear at her when she wolf whistled.

By the time she returned with the lube Katya was completely naked, a finger already inside herself while her other hand squeezed her breast. She looked up at Trixie through her eyelashes, making soft mewling sounds as she touched herself.

“You’re so bad.” Trixie breathed, coming to sit between her legs. Katya bit her lip and moaned as she added another finger. Trixie could remember the morning they’d discovered that Trixie liked to watch Katya touch herself. They’d had one of their more laid back dates, dinner and television and it had been great. That night Katya had been insatiably horny but it had been Trixie’s time of the month so they hadn’t done anything. The next morning Trixie had woken to the sound of cut off gasps and soft moans.

Katya had at first been worried Trixie would be mad at her or something not wanting to bring up what she wanted because she knew Trixie felt shitty. Annoyance barely made a fleeting visit in her brain when she first saw her. And so now it often worked its way into their foreplay, if Katya really wanted to drive her mad.

“Here, beautiful.” Trixie said breathlessly, holding the lube out to her lover. Katya presented her fingers for Trixie to squirt the lube into. Trixie sighed in content, resting her cheek on Katya’s raised knee as she watched her slid her fingers back in. She pressed a kiss to the inside of her knee as she watched.

“You want me to do you too?” Katya gasped, breath heavy as Trixie licked her finger and pressed it against her clit, rubbing very gently.

“And how are you going to do me?” Trixie chuckled. “Or am I doing you?”

“I want to fuck you so bad.” Her voice was hoarse as she removed the fingers from inside herself to beckon Trixie closer.

“That can be arranged.” Trixie nodded, sighing as Katya’s slick fingers brushed against her. The Russian slid her clever index finger inside her, shortly followed by her middle finger. Trixie moaned, Katya was always so good at this. She soon found herself becoming inpatient with the slow movements. “I can take another.”

“Someone sounds impatient.” Katya smirked, pushing a third finger inside her. Trixie groaned, letting out a desperate sound as Katya lightly touched her clit with a pressure light enough to feel but not hard enough to satisfy.  After a moment of this torture she moved away.

“You wouldn’t be so smug if you could see yourself right now, missy.” Trixie countered, taking the toy from beside them and covering it in lube. Katya snorted. “You ready for this?” Katya nodded.

After the slightly awkward moment of trying to figure out how best to use the toy they ended up with the toy inside her, supported by her underwear. It was a little odd looking although Trixie supposed so were strapons with harnesses. She cast a look to the vibration controls tucked at Katya’s side thoughtfully.

Deciding to leave that for now, Trixie reached forward and gave the toy an experimental tug, noting the way Katya’s breath hitched. “Does that feel good?”

“Yeah.” Katya nodded, seemingly equally impressed.

“How about this?” Trixie asked as she slid forward and pressed herself against the toy, grinding against it. Katya hummed, hands sliding up to rest on Trixie’s hips as they moved. The other woman grinned, raising her hips so that she could sink down onto the toy.

“Wait.” Katya said suddenly, putting a hand on Trixie’s stomach to stop her. “Pick a wall.”

“I’m sorry?”

“I’d like to try it against the wall. I find the idea…” Katya trailed off, shrugging one shoulder as she fidgeted slightly, rolling some of the bedsheet between her fingers. Trixie raised an eyebrow as she slid back down to perch on Katya’s thighs.

“Is this a kink?” She asked curiously, it’s not that she didn’t want to or anything. Katya was always more adventurous in the bedroom, whereas Trixie tended to be perfectly content with the things they already did without wanting to try new things. She certainly wasn’t complaining, the new stuff often ended up being either the most amazing experience or the most meh experience, in which case they didn’t bother again.

“I don’t know, maybe.” Katya shrugged, trailing a finger up Trixie’s stomach and towards her breast, looking up at her from under her eyelashes. Trixie fought the urge to roll her eyes, stage one of Katya’s unbeatable guide to getting her way.

“Alright.” She said with a laugh, Katya had been pulling out all the stops. She had to end it before the sweet talking came along. She enjoyed the sweet talking but she was more interested in other things at the moment.

“Really?” Katya said in surprise, evidently expecting to have to convince Trixie it would be more worthwhile than just riding her to completion. Trixie nodded. “Pick a wall.” Katya repeated, eyes alight with excitement.

“I think that’s the sexiest thing you’ve ever said to me.” Trixie deadpanned, making Katya giggle. “I’ll go with this one since nobody is on the other side of it.” Trixie said, pointing to the wall to her left as she stood.

“The bathroom genie might disagree.” Katya mused, quickly catching up with the other woman and backing her up towards the wall.

“This is weird dirty talk.” Trixie snorted as her back hit the wall softly.

“Oh hush, you love it.”

“Nope I love you, that’s different.” Trixie said, running a hand through Katya’s hair trying to avoid the tangles. The Russian smiled, leaning forwards to kiss her softly.

“You’re going to love this. Ready?” Katya checked, looking very confident in her own abilities. Trixie supposed that confidence was in many ways not unfounded.

“Go on then, wow me.” Trixie sighed in false exasperation. Katya nodded, shoulder squaring as she seemed to take it as a challenge. She stepped forward, closing any space that may have been between them, and kissed Trixie with more vigour than the other woman had been expecting. The teacher sighed into the kiss, putting her arms around Katya’s neck as she took hold of Trixie’s leg and pulled it up.

She let out a surprised moan as Katya pushed up into her. She wasn’t sure what it was about the position that made it feel so different, no doubt it was the angle. Part of her also cursed Katya for being right because this was already better than her old strapon.

Katya began to fuck her, grinding her hips to deliver slow yet purpose filled thrusts. Her breath would stutter each time she moved, leaving her breathless. Trixie let her head fall back against the wall as she looked at Katya with half hooded eyes. She slid her hand down from Katya’s neck to cup her breast.

“Seeing you…” She began before being cut off by a gasp as Katya stepped a little closer, shifting her position for a better angle. The Russian looked up, her cheeks flushed red and her eyes dark. “…Enjoy it.” She choked out through moans as she rolled Katya’s nipple between her fingers. “It’s super hot-ah.” Katya smirked, thrusting harder and faster as her hand gripped Trixie’s leg tightly.

Trixie’s chest heaved as she held onto Katya’s shoulders for dear life. Katya caught her lips but found she couldn’t maintain the kiss for long due to the need to breath. She settled for ghosting heavy breaths over Trixie’s neck, occasionally sucking on her soft skin, no doubt bruising it. Trixie’s toes curled in pleasure as Katya kissed the spot on her neck that always sent a jolt up her spine.

“Oh god you’re going to make me-”

“Hold on.” Katya huffed out, reaching for the controller at her side. The pair almost tumbled as Trixie nearly doubled over at the first feel of vibrations against her. Katya grunted as she managed to maintain her near brutal pace.

It didn’t take long after the vibrations began. Trixie had begun chanting a mantra of 'fuck me, yes, fuck me, oh’ and Katya was happily doing just that.  

Katya bit down on Trixie’s shoulder to muffle her shout as she came, her legs shaking from the stimulation. Trixie pulled Katya’s face to her, kissing her thoroughly. She was quite impressed the woman was still going despite having evidently just experienced as fairly powerful orgasm.

“Just a little mor-Ah.” She began, hoping to reassure Katya that she was almost there. The Russian pushed into her roughly, pressing the vibrations right up against her. She drowned her cry in Katya’s mouth, her whole body shuddering and tensing as she came. She let out a rather strangled sigh before slumping forward against her lover.

Next thing she knew they were on the floor with the loudest commotion she had ever heard. Katya’s legs had given out due to the sudden extra weight and lengthy exertion, leading them to both plummet to the wooden hotel floor. But as if the situation wasn’t bad enough, Katya had reached out to grab something to stop her fall and had managed to pull the bed sheet, sending their suitcase and the contents clattering to the ground.

“You ok?” Trixie asked as Katya groaned. Trixie was sure she was going to get bruises forming on her knees and elbows thanks to that endeavour. You couldn’t get her to regret it if you tried though.

“That wasn’t part of my plan.” Katya said through heavy breaths, pulling the no longer vibrating strapon from inside her and dropping it down beside them before laying back against the ground. With that she turned her face to look at Trixie, catching her eye. There was barely a second of silence before the two burst into giggles.

“Only us.” Trixie snorted, as she settled next to her, momentarily thankful neither of them had hit their faces when they fell. “Would you say that’s the best sex we’ve had?” Trixie wondered, putting her head on Katya’s shoulder.

"Mmm. Everytime is the best time, although if I had to choose it would have to be the first time.” She replied, looking up at the ceiling with a smile. Her breath was heavy and her eyes were bright. Trixie always loved seeing her like that. “You remember that?”

“Of course I do.” Trixie rolled her eyes as Katya shifted, her forearm now beneath Trixie’s head as she loomed over the other woman with a grin.

“That first time I ate you out.” The Russian breathed, pushing her leg between Trixie’s. “You looked so good, all flushed and breathy. Just like you look now.”

“Are you trying to turn me on again?” Trixie tried to laughed, but the words came out croaked. Katya looked at her innocently as she dropping to press an open mouthed kiss to Trixie’s nipple, tongue running along the exposed bud.

“I wonder if you could-” Katya’s victorious look morphed into one of mild horror when a knocking sound came from the balcony window. “Oh my god.” She hissed, turning to catch Trixie’s eye. She hauled herself up, pulling Trixie with her.  Trixie then had to catch her as she legs hadn’t quite recovered.

“Katya? Trixie?” Svetlana called from outside. The pair had never moved so fast in their lives, half miming and half whispering to each other as they pulled on any clothes they could find.

“One second.” Katya called, hopping as she hurriedly tried to pull on pair of Trixie’s shorts that were clearly too big for her. Trixie couldn’t see to help as she was in the process of battling with the first dress she had laid her hands on. Once she’d pulled it on she rushed over to where they’d been laid. Trixie kicked the strapon into the bathroom and shut the door with a nod to Katya who looked put upon. Katya pointed at Trixie before pointing at herself and shaking her head.

“Your sister.” Trixie argued so quietly it seemed more as though she was simply miming the words. Katya put her hands up

“Has to like you, she can give me shit.” She argued, point an accusatory finger.

“Open the door.”

“You do it.”

“For God’s sake.” Trixies sighed, walking over to the door, dragging Katya by the loose waist of her shorts as she did so. Before Katya could complain or argued, she opened the door.

“Hey, Lana. What’s up?” Katya said, trying to lean casually against the door frame.

“Erm, we heard a crash. I wanted to make sure you were ok.” Her older sister replied, looking a cross between concerned and suspicious.

“Katya was doing yoga and she kicked the suitcase off the bed.” Trixie lied, running her hand through her no doubt very messy hair.

“Oh right. Are you guys going out?”

“No why?” The pair asked in unison.

“It’s just you’ve got changed.”

“These are our bedclothes.” Katya supplied, seemingly deciding it was her turn to come up with a lie. Trixie could have kicked her.

“You wear sequins to bed, Trixie?”

“There is no place or time where sequins aren’t appropriate, not even to bed.” Trixie replied as confidently as she could, not quite able to believe the words leaving her mouth.

“What did you do to your arm?” She asked, pointing down to the spot on Trixie’s forearms where Katya had accidentally scratched her as they’d fallen.

“Who do you think you are asking all these questions? Sherlock Holmes?” Katya cried suddenly, eyes wide. Trixie shook her head, Katya was such an awful liar, it was painful to watch. She made a mental note never to let Katya take over in impromptu lying situations, she couldn’t handle the pressure. Trixie would have thought she’d have been quite good at it given how creative she was but nope.

“You’re acting weird and I- oh.”

“What?” Trixie asked quickly.

“I can’t believe I fell for that cockamamy story.” Svetlana snorted. “You were doing something I don’t want to know about in detail and you like fell out of bed or something, didn’t you?”

“Huh?” Katya asked, trying to look confused. Trixie contemplated just going inside and going to bed. The charade was pointless at this point.

“Goodnight you two, try not to wear too many sequins to bed.” The older woman huffed a laugh before turning and heading back into her room.

“How’d she figure us out?” Katya blinked, shutting the sliding door behind her.

“I don’t know, I mean with your lying skills, maybe she is Sherlock Holmes.” Trixie said sarcastically, pulling the sequin dress over her head.

“You have thought we’d have noticed the moustache.” Katya mused, evidently electing to ignore Trixie’s jibe.

“Did Sherlock Holmes have a moustache?” Trixie asked, looking mournfully down at their clothes strewn across the floor.

“I’m not sure, want to sort this it tomorrow?” Katya hummed, appearing beside her.

“What the 'tash debate or the suitcase?” Trixie snorted, letting her head fall to Katya’s shoulder as the other woman slung an arm around her.

"Let’s go to bed.“

[fanfic-shiz]

Need You- Cassian Andor

Pairing: Cassian Andor/OC

Rating: A little bit of violence, not too much. Our OC gets into a scuffle but comes out of it alright.

A/N: More Cassian. Enjoy! Will post a list of what’s coming up soon (Percival Graves, Jim Kirk, etc)

Masterlist

I slipped quietly through the streets, keeping my head down and shoulder close to the wall. The crowd jostled around me, nobody paying much attention to anyone else. There was only one thought on my mind: getting back to the ship. Dinah’s sharp words echoed in my ears, her grip tight on my bicep as she pushed me in the opposite direction.

Split up. Better one of us runs into trouble than two.

My blaster felt heavy against my hip, hidden underneath my long, weather worn jacket. Maybe if we had been leaving with something useful, there would have been a little bit of lightness in my step. Instead, I couldn’t help but feel as we’d just been wasting our time. Another dead end and another step back from discovering what the Empire was up to.

“Stop!”

My heart stuttered but I kept walking, keeping my eyes on my boots and hoping the voice hadn’t been directed at me. The muffled, mechanical voice that I knew for a fact belonged to a stormtrooper.

“You! In the black coat! I said stop!”

The voice came again from behind me. I quickened my step, readying to run. I could probably lose myself in the crowd, but they would fire anyways. And that would mean civilians getting in the way, and— I paused gritting my teeth. There was already enough blood on my hands. I halted. My hands curled into fists at my side and I sucked in a deep breath, letting it out slowly as I turned.

I counted five stormtroopers. Not many. I could easily take out five. I’d have my blaster out in half a second, shoot the closest two then barrel through them. Take one as a shield and blast the other two. Knock the last unconscious and I’d be gone. My fingers itched to reach for my weapon, but instead a plastered a pleasantly confused smile onto my face.

“Problem? How can I help you?” I asked in a sweet voice.

“Identification and travel papers. Now.” The one who had ordered me to halt spoke up, holding out a hand and beckoning me to come closer.

“Of course,” I said and pointed at my pocket. “Inside my jacket, alright?” I held up both palms in peace and the trooper nodded. Idiots, all of them. Maybe they were as dumb as they looked, or maybe they just thought that I wasn’t a threat. Cassian always said that was my secret weapon. Maybe he was right. Cassian…he was going to kill me if I didn’t find a way out of this. Unless I got myself killed by a stormtrooper first.

I slowly counted down from five in my head, sliding my hand into my jacket. 5, 4—my hand slid past the inside pocket and down my side— 3, 2—I felt the familiar metal under my fingertips—1.

My fingers curled around the handle and I whipped it out of my jacket, firing two shots as planned. I was running before they hit the ground, grabbing the closest standing stormtrooper around the neck and holding him in front of me for cover. Two more shots and I heard the clunk of metal hitting the ground as they dropped. The stormtrooper struggled against me and I took the end of my gun and smacked it as hard as I could against the helmet. There was a spark and a metallic, static sound which I assumed was his communicator malfunctioning before he too was on the ground.

I allowed myself a small grin. “It’s been fun—“

The rest of the words stalled in my mouth as I heard a loud crack followed by blinding pain in the back of my head. I doubled over, staggering forward and trying to brace myself against the wall. My legs were kicked out from under me and I fell hard into the dusty dirt. Another flash of pain as a boot connected with my skull. Black spots danced across my vision, bile burning in the back of my throat. I rolled onto my stomach and tried to push myself onto my hands and knees, the effort zapping the rest of my dwindling strength. I heard the snap before I felt it, a foot colliding with my jaw and sending my sprawling onto my back. A foggy thought pulsed through my hazy brain, wondering what Dinah would tell Cassian when I didn’t make it back to the ship.

Another kick. My vision swam, making it impossible to hold on to anything solid…anything but a white helmet leaning over me and a gloved hand grasping the front of my shirt before everything went dark.

#

The world came back in pieces. Voices. The hum of an engine. A low, electronic beeping. I pried open my eyes and it took a minute for my brain to assemble the jumbled image in front of me. I expected to see gray walls and feel the cold metal of cuffs on my wrists. Inside, relief pulsed through me when I realized I was on a familiar ship and the voice I heard belonged to Dinah.

She turned to face me, a tight-lipped frown on her face as she ran a scanner over my body. When she I was awake, she let out a sigh, her shoulders sagging.

“Thank god…I was starting to get worried. Just try not to move, alright?”

“What the hell happened?” I asked, using the back of my hand to wipe my mouth. When I pulled it away, my fingers were red with blood. I let my head fall back against the floor, squeezing my eyes shut as the memories came tumbling back. The crack of a gun barrel against my skull, a boot pummeling against my ribs…laying on my back and looking up into the masked face of a Stormtrooper and wondering if he looked as smug as he sounded behind his stupid helmet.

I tentatively pressed against the skin around my jaw and winced. I drew in a deep breath, feeling a sharp pain in my right side. “Christ, am I broken?”

Dina raised her eyebrows, placing a hand on my shoulder and gently pushing me back onto the floor of the ship. “I don’t think so, but you did take one hell of an ass kicking. You just can’t stay out of trouble, can you? Cassian was right.”

I rolled my eyes. “Not you too. What was I supposed to do? Let those stormtroopers drag me away to become some sort of Imperial servant?” My eyes flickered to her as she pushed a strand of blonde hair behind her ear and continued poking and prodding me, making me flinch each time she touched something bruised and tender.

“We wouldn’t have let that happen. I wouldn’t have let that happen,” she muttered, correcting herself. I bit the inside of my cheek to keep from saying anything. We both knew that the Alliance didn’t exactly hold true to the statement ‘no man left behind’. If it had come down to risking the rebellion, or losing my life…I knew what they would have chosen. “Besides, Andor would kill me if we came back without you.”

I grimaced, letting my eyes shut again. “He’s going to kill me anyways, isn’t he?”

I heard Dina cluck her tongue. “For going without him, or for almost getting yourself killed?”

“Either one,” I grunted, a dull ache forming at the base of my skull.

“I’d have to say that’s a definite yes.”

“Perfect.” Sarcasm dripped from the single word, imagining the scolding I was going to get from my friend.

Cassian and I had first met almost an entire decade ago, but we hadn’t gotten along at first. We had spent an entire year butting heads, arguing and provoking one another…two people whose personalities just seemed to clash over anything and everything. Then, in the middle of a firefight, he went down. A single shot to the thigh. The order came to pull back, but he couldn’t even stand, let alone walk. I could still see the look on his face. The complete and total shock when I’d turned around and came back for him, yanking his arm over my shoulder and supporting his weight the entire way back to the ship.

Of course he’d argued with me, through grunts of pain telling me I was stupid and careless. But his tone had lost some of its edge. And he looked at me in a way that made me think no one had ever come back for him before. Never in his entire life. Since then, it was a silent, unspoken agreement: we’d always come back for each other. Granted, we hardly ever went anywhere with one another either. This particular excursion excluded.

“I should’ve waited for him,” I sighed, prying open my eyes to look at Dina.

She shook her head. “There wasn’t anytime. He and K2SO were still off planet, and Mothma was insistent we leave right away. Not that it matters. We still don’t know jackshit about why the Empire needs those Kyber crystals.”

“At least we know I have a promising career as a human punching bag.” I gave her a weak grin and she rolled her eyes.

“See, this is how I know you’re going to be alright. You still have your irritating sense of humor.”

“Thank you.”

Her smile grew soft and she pushed back my bangs and adjusted what I assumed was my jacket beneath my head, being used as a pillow. “Try and relax. Sleep if you can. Nothing seems broken but you’re gonna be out of commission for a little while.”

I made a face but didn’t answer, letting my eyes close. Not exactly the words I wanted to hear. I wasn’t good with idleness. Too much time to think, too much time to wonder. As long as I was doing something, I was alright. The only other person who seemed to understand that was Cassian.

I tried to wipe my mind blank and not think about the way my body was aching, instead concentrating on the hum of the ship. I drifted in and out of sleep for the next few hours, unable to keep my eyes shut for long. Even the slightest of movements seemed to send pain shooting through me. When we finally landed, it was a relief.

Dina lowered the ramp. Our pilot, Milo, ducked out of the cockpit and let out a low whistle when he saw me.

“Damn, you really do look like shit. You feel okay?” He asked.

I glared at him as Dinah helped me sit up. “Peachy.”

I braced one hand against the wall, gripping her arm as she then slowly helped me get to my feet. I groaned, every muscle straining. The pain in my side was even more pronounced now, my right leg throbbing each time I tried to put any weight on it. All I could think was that it was going to be a long walk back to my quarters. Because I sure as hell wasn’t setting foot in the medical wing. I suppressed a shudder at the thought. No, the last thing I needed was the feeling of a cold exam table as I was poked and prodded some more.

Dina kept her arm tightly around my shoulders. “We’ll go slow, alright?”

I just nodded, leaning into her as we moved toward the ramp. Outside the ship, I could hear the sound of voices and engines. Nothing too specific until a familiar, deep voice cut through the air.

“She better be on that damn ship! Is she alright?”

My pulse quickened as I hobbled down the ramp, eyes raking the area around the ship for Cassian’s familiar dark hair and brown eyes. When I spotted him, wearing a beat up, faded gray bomber jacket, my stomach tightened. I could already imagine the look on his face just from the tenseness of his shoulders.

“I’m right here, Cass.”

He whirled around and I watched as his eyes grew wide. His entire body seemed to go rigid for a moment, as if the air had been syphoned from his lungs. The expression on his face flickered, anger to fury to pain to something else that furrowed his brow and hardened his eyes.

He swore under his breath and stalked toward me, closing the distance between us in a few strides. He lifted his hands, but hesitated for a moment before gently placing his palms on either side of my cheek as his eyes scanned every cut and bruise.

“What the hell happened?” he murmured.

“It’s not as bad as it looks.” I tried to shrug, but the movement only caused a hiss of pain to escape me. Cassian’s jaw tensed as he looked at me doubtfully.

Then he sighed and glanced toward Dina. “I got her.”

Before she could protest, he was picking me up, one arm going around my back and the other tucking beneath my knees. He swung me up into his arms, not even giving me a chance to protest. My arms automatically locked around his neck, a surprised gasp escaping me.

“I can still walk.” I mumbled, but laid my head against his shoulder anyways. The leather of his jacket was cool against my cheek.

He let out a humorless laugh. “I’m surprised you can even stand. Have you seen what you look like right now?”

“No, but judging from how it feels…it’s probably not good.”

He carried me toward the nearest corridor, leaving the landing bay behind us. His footsteps echoed against the floor. “You shouldn’t have gone without me.”

“I can handle myself,” I argued halfheartedly, leaning back to look up at him.

His eyes flickered to meet mine for a moment. “I’m not saying you can’t. I’m just saying…I’m just saying that I don’t like it when I’m not there.”

His words made it a little harder to breathe, in a way that had nothing to do with my bruised ribs. “I don’t know if you could’ve stopped this. It happened so fast. One second I’m handling the situation, and then the next I had a stormtrooper wrestling me to the ground.”

“What’s your definition of handling the situation?” he asked, and I smiled at the tone of his voice. Curious, amused, but not exactly eager for an answer.

“I took out five on my own. He snuck up behind me, the bastard,” I told him, shaking my head.

“You know how lucky you are to be here? You could’ve been taken as a prisoner, tortured, or killed,” Cass began, his expression stormy. “You could’ve died.”

I closed my eyes. I’d been expecting this, but it didn’t make it any easier to hear. “I didn’t, though.”

“You know what it would’ve done to me? If that ship had come back without you on it?” he added and my eyes opened in time to catch the earnest expression on his face.

“I’m right here. I did come back, okay?” I assured him softly, trying to catch his gaze but he didn’t look down at me.

There was a pause.

“I know. I just worry one day you won’t.”

His words filled me a rush of affection, making me speechless for a moment. I wanted to say more, to tell him I felt the same way each time he left without me. But before I could, we were stopping in front of a familiar doorway of the med bay. I tore my eyes away from and grimaced, immediately shaking my head.

“Please, Cass. No,” I said quickly. “Dina gave me a scan in the ship…nothing is broken, just bruised. Please just let me go to my room.”

He looked like he wanted to argue, his dark eyes scanning my face and looking pained at what he saw there. I whispered please again and he let out a sigh of defeat. “Fine. But you’re not getting off the hook that easy.”

I didn’t ask what he meant, just pleased to have won this small victory.

He took me to my room instead and gently deposited me on the edge of the bed, disappearing into the adjacent bathroom. I closed my eyes and tried not to move, listening as he turned on the faucet and let the water run. A moment later, his footsteps returned. I didn’t open my eyes again until I felt his presence close to me. He had a cloth in one hand, a bowl of water on floor next to him with my first aid box.

“What, are you a doctor now?”

“Hush. You can get away with not going to the medic bay, but you’re letting me clean you up. Take this first.”

He handed me a pill, one I recognized as a pain reliever, and I swallowed it and hoped it would work quickly. I watched then as he dipped the cloth into the water and wrung it out before kneeling in front of me. He pulled my knees apart and scoot closer, one hand resting on my thigh as the other brought the warm cloth to my face and began gently cleaning away the dried blood. For some reason, the entire position struck me as incredibly intimate. Not that we hadn’t had moments like that before. Our entire friendship was built off of too long stares and touches that were entirely too gentle for two people who claimed to be friends and nothing more.

His hand was warm on my thigh, entirely too distracting. I tried to keep my eyes anywhere else but him. The ceiling, the nightstand, the desk in the corner…but they found him time and time again. I couldn’t help but watch him, noticing the stern set of his jaw, the scruff that covered his chin and cheeks, the slope of his nose, and the lines and angles that made up his perfect, handsome face. Mostly, though, what I noticed were his eyes. Soft with concern. I placed my hand over the one on my leg.

“It’s okay, Cass. I’m just a little battle-worn.”

He hesitated a moment before setting the cloth in the basin and reaching up to push my hair back. “This is more than just a little battle-worn, love. I hate seeing you like this…I feel like I could’ve done something if I’d been there.”

“You couldn’t have,” I reminded him yet again, letting out a breath that caused me a sting of pain. I tried to hide my wince.

He looked like he wanted to argue, but instead went back to digging through the first aid kit. He pulled out a roll of white medical tape and looked at me expectantly.

“What?” I asked, shaking my head in confusion.

He raised his eyebrows. “I know you claim nothing is broken but you’re breathing like each breath is a stab to the lungs. I’m taping your ribs. Shirt off.”

For some reason, those two words made my cheeks tinge pink. “Shirt off?” I repeated. “You want me to do it for you?” An amused smile appeared on his lips and my stomach dipped, not unpleasantly.

I squirmed a little. No,that was definitely not any better. “No, I just…Well, you’ve never seen me and I’m sure I’m covered in bruises and not very—“

He smile grew, and he shook his head. “How long have we been friends? Now’s not exactly the time to start getting shy on me.”

“I’m not shy,” I grumbled but still hesitated for a moment before reaching for the hem of my shirt. I started pulling it up but didn't get far before a hiss of pain escape me and stilled my movements. “Damn it, I feel like I’m ninety.”

I flinched with surprise when I felt Cassian’s fingers brushing against my stomach as he helped me push my shirt the rest of the way up. He fingertips skimmed my bare skin, making my heart pound and the room feel suddenly warm. I couldn’t help but feel incredibly foolish as he continued to help me, pulling one arm of a sleeve, then the other, until I was sitting in front of him in my bra. I glanced down at my stomach, to avoid looking at him, and gasped in surprise when I saw the newly formed bruise. It spanned the side of my ribcage, turning my skin an ugly shade of yellow, soon to be a sickly violet.

I experimentally pressed my fingers to the bruise and grunted with pain, pulling back. Cassian had gone still and quiet, making me nervous. I both wondered and worried what was going through his mind. Pity, maybe? Regret that he hadn’t just handed me over to the med-droids? I took in a slow, shallow breath before letting my eyes flicker toward him and my eyes grew wide at the miserable expression on his face.

He swore softly under his breath, shaking his head. “This shouldn’t have happened.” I noticed his fingers had curled into fists, knuckles white and nails digging into his palms. “I’m so sorry.”

His brown eyes met mine, the raw, honest emotion there leaving me breathless. “Cassian, no.” I said quickly. “This isn’t your fault. It isn’t anyone’s fault…except maybe the Empire’s.”

His eyes grew stormy. “Bastards,” he muttered, grabbing the first aid kit and pulling out the roll of medical tape. Still kneeling between my thighs, his hands gently ghosted across my skin as he wrapped the bandage around my middle. I tried not to look at him, tried to look anywhere else. But my eyes kept being drawn back to him over and over again, watching the concentrated frown on his lips, the pucker between his eyebrows, the look of barely contained regret in his eyes. He worked slowly and gently, covering more and more of my skin until he sat back on his heels.

“It’ll do for now.”

“Thanks, doctor,” I teased half-heartedly. “At least no one has to see it now.”

One side of his mouth lifted in a smile and I felt an unexpected jump in my pulse. I ducked my head, pretending to look interested in his handiwork. Then I felt his hands on my bare shoulders, his rough palms running over me until his fingers slid into my hair, cupping the back of my neck. He ducked his head closer to mine, pressing our foreheads together.

“Battle scars are nothing to be ashamed…just proof of how strong you really are,” he said. “Besides, you know I think you’re gorgeous no matter what.”

I scoffed, though my face flamed and my stomach felt like it was free falling from an X-Wing. “You’re full of shit, Andor,” I said. The words were weak, not entirely hiding the uncertainty I suddenly felt.

“I think you’ve told me that before,” he mused, giving me a teasing grin that I felt myself automatically return. Our eyes locked for a beat too long, and the atmosphere seemed to subtly shift. I had no idea what was happening, but we both quickly looked away. Cassian was on his feet in the blink of an eye, rubbing the back of his neck. He avoided looking at me for a moment, eyes on the floor.

“Clean shirt?” he asked.

The words sounded out of place, though maybe I was just dazed. I’d almost forgotten I was still in nothing but a bra. “Huh? Oh! Third drawer.” I motioned to the dresser behind him and he turned, pulling it open and digging out a black short-sleeved shirt.

He sat down next to me on the bed this time, angling himself toward me and I realized he meant to help me again. I let out a resigned sigh. “If you ever tease me about this…” I warned him as I began pulling the shirt over my head.

He chuckled, already helping me get my arms situated in the right places. Once again I found myself blatantly trying and failing to ignore his touch against my bare skin. He was only helping me dress, yet his hands felt like they were trailing fire everywhere they touched. “Why would I do such a thing?”

“Because you’re you,” I answered simply, a sigh of relief escaping me once the shirt was on and straightened.

He laughed. I loved that I could do that. Nothing made me as proud as knowing I could make the infamous Cassian Andor laugh when no one else could. I could feel the effects of the pain pill kicking in, dulling my aches and making me feel a blanket of drowsiness. I toed my shoes off and lifted my legs up onto the mattress, scooting back toward the pillows before laying down. I heard two thumps, Cassian kicking off his own boots, before the bed next to me sank down. I rolled onto my good side to face him, hands tucked beneath my cheek. I raised my eyebrows at him questioningly. 

“I’m not leaving you alone tonight.” He said, answering my unspoken question.

I bit my lower lip, trying and failing to avoid a smile. “I’m not sure what I did to deserve you.”

“You didn’t have to do anything…but for starters, you have saved my ass quite a few times.” He shrugged, eyes filled with a new warmth I wanted to disappear into.

I smirked. “True. Never forget it.”

“Couldn’t if I tried.”

We smiled at one another in the semi-darkness, and I suddenly found myself unable to look away. He looked exhausted, like he hadn’t slept in days. I realized that was probably not too far from the truth…he’d been off planet for a while as well. And I knew he didn’t get much rest even while he was on Yavin. We spent a lot of time being restless insomniacs together, trying to find reasons to stay positive and to feel like what we were doing for the Rebellion was enough.

Cassian believed in the fight just as much as I did. Maybe even more, considering how long he’d been a part of that battle. Yet it wore him down. I could see it in his eyes and hear it in his voice. Maybe his battle scars weren’t physical, like mine, but they were there all the same. Which was why it was important to grab onto every single fleeting happy moment, keep hold of each rare good feeling. Two things I felt when I was with him, but never allowed myself to think anymore on. We were friends. Anything more than that had the potential to turn my already tumultuous world even more upside down.

And yet I fought the desire to reach out and smooth back his hair from his forehead and let my palm glide over his cheek and the coarse hair growing across his jaw. I fought the desire and lost. My hand was moving without my realizing, but I avoided brushing my fingers across his face, and instead placed my palm on his chest to feel the rhythm of his heart. Steady, unwavering, strong. Like him. The intensity in the room grew, the way it had earlier as he helped me undress. He placed his hand on top of mine and I swore my heart trembled.

“What are you thinking about?” he asked with an intent curiosity.

I shook my head, completely unsure of how to answer. I was worried about what might escape my lips the second I opened my mouth, my thoughts already wandering far too much for my own good. “Nothing.”

It sounded unconvincing even to my own ears and Cassian’s lips twitched.

“What about you?” I asked quickly before he could coax me into explaining myself.

“About the ridiculous urge I have to never let you out of my sight again…and about how I’d love to get my hands on the Imperial scum that did this to you.” His answer jolted me, surprised by the complete and total honesty as he looked at me with his dark eyes. My mouth felt dry. “Sometimes…sometimes I think I care more about your safety than my own.”

My heart had altered rhythms, his words inciting a brand new pace. I drew in a breath, though it did nothing to help how I jumbled I suddenly felt on the inside. And it had nothing to do with my injuries. “Me too,” I breathed before I could stop myself. His eyes went wide and I rushed ahead before I could think too much. “I need you to be okay. It’s all I think about.”

The silence that followed this was thick with tension, with the spark of a promise that something was changing. Cassian propped himself up on his elbow and my hand slipped from his chest. He scooted closer to me until we were lying side by side, facing one another, just inches apart. My body reacted to his closeness instantly, every nerve suddenly anticipating and wanting. My breathing grew shallow as I looked up at him, feeling a nervousness I hadn’t felt in years.

I knew what was happening. I could see it in his eyes…and I could tell a part of him was just as scared as I was of it. His hand gently cupped my face, fingertips barely skimming my bruised cheek as he slowly slid his hand down my neck and he pressed his palm against my sternum as I had done to him just seconds before. He leaned in closer, hovering over me, and my eyes fluttered shut as his warm breath hit my lips.

“Cassian,” I murmured. “Is this…should we…” Words unattached to complete sentences spilled out of me, distracted by the energy rolling off him.

“No, we shouldn’t. But I don’t care,” he said in a whisper before his lips were on mine.

A sigh left me, tension melting away as he gave me a kiss that was soft and delicate, tasting of cinnamon. It was full of unspoken words, telling me everything I needed to know about the way he was feeling and assuring me I wasn’t alone in whatever this was. His beard scratched at my cheek, but it was perfect…For once, I felt like I could stand still and I wondered how I hadn’t even know this was what I needed.

He pulled away then, and the expression on his face made any lingering doubt vanish. The complete and utter awe there, looking at me in a way no one ever had. I gave him a shy smile that he returned, the corners of his eyes crinkling. Then he leaned in and kissed me again.

He pressed me back against the mattress, moving so slowly as if worried anything faster would shatter me into pieces. I was battered and bruised and sore, inciting his gentle, carefulness. The gentleness with which he kissed me made me want him more. I was lost, far away from the Rebellion as Cassian kissed me, his lips sliding against my own, enjoying the taste and feel of him more than what was good for me. I twisted my fingers into the front of his shirt, pulling him closer. His hand ran down my side, barely touching me, stopping when he reached my hip. His thumb brushed across the bare strip of stomach that peeked from beneath my shirt, causing me to sigh against him.

“Is this real?” I whispered against his mouth and was rewarded with a deep chuckle.

“I damn well hope so,” he answered, pulling away to look at me.

I smiled but it turned into a slight frown. I reached up to run my fingers through his hair before placing my palm to his cheek. His thumb was still tracing circles against my skin, distractingly so. “Can we do this? I mean…whatever this is?”

Our words a whisper despite the fact that we were still the only two people in the room. “What do you want it to be?” he asked, tilting his head slightly as he nuzzled into my hand.

I took in a shaky breath. “I don’t know…I don’t care what it is, as long as I’m with you.”

“That’s good enough for me,” he murmured, brushing his mouth against mine. “I want this…I want you. I think I have for a while…”

“Me too,” I admitted, my cheeks turning pink and making me glad for the room’s darkness.

He smiled before leaning in, capturing my lips in another kiss. This one lingered, turning into a second kiss that deepened and his tongue brushed against my own. I tugged at his clothing, his mouth kissing me in a hungry way that ignited a want in me that was hard to fight. But my drowsiness was growing. I felt him smile before his hand closed over my own, stopping me from pushing his shirt up any further.

I let out a quiet groan of disappointment and he grinned.

“When you’re healed, I’ll let you undress me,” he teased.

“That could be weeks,” I argued, my eyelids growing heavy.

“It’ll give us something to look forward to.” He said and I caught one last smile before closing my eyes. I let out another grunt of annoyance and he laughed. “As if it’s easy for me to hold back from kissing every inch of you right now…”

“Not helping,” I mumbled.

I felt his shoulders shaking a little, no doubt with more quiet laughter, as he gently pulled me into him and wrapped his arms around me. He stroked my hair, his lips kissing the top of my head.

His voice was the last thing I heard before slipping into a deep sleep. “Get some rest. I promise you, I’m not going anywhere.”

[soundonreadings]

Sound On InstaReadings Series Volume 1 with David Ly & Corinne Manning

Welcome to Sound on InstaReadings Series. Our first installment features  readers David Ly and Corinne Manning and is hosted by Dina Del Bucchia. Posted here for your enjoyment are the bios of our fine readers and the text of their readings.  Thanks! Corinne Manning is a prose writer and literary organizer. Their stories and essays have been published widely, including in Toward an Ethics of Activism and Shadow Map: An Anthology of Survivors of Sexual Assault. Corinne founded The James Franco Review, a project that sought to address implicit bias in the publishing industry. Their debut short story collection We Had No Rules is out with Arsenal Pulp Press this spring.

Ninety Days 

“Were you having trouble breathing last night or something?” It was early. Denise and I were still in bed. I gave a little half shrug that I often thought was adorable, but there was no indication that it was received that way. I tried to stop looking cute and speak in an adult-sounding voice—not the childlike voice I habitually used with Denise.

         “Not that I noticed. Why?”

         Denise sat up and pulled on a T-shirt. I watched breasts disappear and was  disappointed, even though those breasts had become like strangers to me. For the past year, in addition to avoiding pronouns, or using “they” instead of “he” or “she,” Denise had asked me to pretend they—the breasts in this case—didn’t exist, to not touch them anymore, to not sexualize them, because they were confusing. I obeyed because I loved and respected Denise, and also because it felt sexy to have something that I couldn’t do. But by putting that shirt on, Denise had shut the door to sex.

         “You were doing that thing where you kind of chortle and breathe through your mouth again. It sounds like you’re choking.” They slammed the covers to the side and roughly got out of bed, and in the process their fist sort of hit my hip bone. It hurt a little, but I decided not to feel it since Denise hadn’t noticed they’d done anything.

         “Sorry about that,” I said. I put on a T-shirt and covered my own breasts, aware that no one was sad to see them go. At the end of the bed, Denise stopped moving abruptly.

         “I can’t imagine living with that sound for the rest of my life.” There was no sense of remorse in that face, probably because it was so full of truth. I do make a weird sound at night, and what I wasn’t brave enough to ask Denise was: Isn’t it worse during the day when my nose makes a fairly regular whistle on my exhale? When I came out at twenty-one, my mom—overcome by shock or rage or what she thought she was supposed to do—popped me quickly in the nose. A snap of the wrist. And I remember that as I covered my face, her hands went to her mouth. She let out one sob, then

said, “I don’t know why I did that. I’m totally fine with this.”

         “Do you want to help pay for a surgery to fix it?” I asked.

         “I got my own body to worry about,” Denise said sharply, and it was so early in the morning, it sounded like a shout. I slipped out of bed and stood on my tiptoes. I was expecting a long fight, and I wanted us to be on equal footing. I wanted Denise to look into my eyes, which didn’t happen. In an instant, Denise broke up with me.

         “I’ve been thinking about this for a while,” they said.          

         “But I haven’t.” We let that statement in its powerlessness hang in the air before it dissolved under the high-pitched hiss that escaped my nose, which I wished I could tear off and throw at Denise, who wouldn’t even talk to me. They said I was being petty—wanting closure, wanting an explanation. It was capitalist, they said, of

me to want a reason. Denise had this ability to be so stoic no matter how upset I got.

I screamed, “What do I need to do to get you to respond to me? Do I need to, like, shit right here in front of you? Right on the rug? Like an animal?” I moved like I was going to pull my pants down, and even though Denise was looking at me, it wasn’t like they were seeing me.

         Obviously, I didn’t do it.

         Denise’s best friend, Del, came by with a truck and by the evening had carted them and all their things away. The last bit of communication I received was a postcard (a

picture of our town’s waterfront) asking me not to reach out. Denise said we needed to take ninety days of no contact. The only soft thing written on this card was that they thought the ninety days would help me let go and heal.

         The pronoun thing wasn’t that hard for me. But what’s hard about telling this story, with using “they” right now, is that it puts Denise even further away from me. That sense of plurality, that singular they, asserts that Denise doesn’t belong to me anymore and never did. This is capitalist. I know this.

I’m sensitive about being recognized as queer or radical. As someone assigned female at birth who presents as femme I have to make a series of conscious decisions to be visible as queer, and I still have to come out, multiple times a day. So I don’t just wear the barrette, I attach the turquoise giraffe-shaped fascinator and smudge my mascara. Once, just to go to the coffee shop, I spent hours working my hair into a beehive. I wrap fur around my shoulders in the grocery store. I flirt with all the butches and the studs and the ones who prefer to be called masculine-of-centre, even when I don’t really want them, because there is little that is more satisfying than watching another queer’s shoulders soften as they smile at me excitedly in that open-mouthed way once they know.

David Ly is the author of Mythical Man (Anstruther Books, 2020) and the chapbook Stubble Burn (Anstruther Press, 2018). His poems have appeared in Plenitude, The /temz/ Review, PRISM and others. He is the Poetry Editor of This Magazine and sits on the Editorial Collective of Anstruther Press.

Evil

is a warm tongue on a first date

 Evil smells like grass that shouldn’t be cut

an over-chlorinated pool

 Evil sweats

while sleeping through the day as its pills expire

 wakes to be danced

through the night as if it were a demigod

 Evil feels like a chain link fence pressing into shoulder blades

 Evil bites your bottom lip

 leaves you standing at dusk raging and swearing that you won’t give in

 but the craving for it comes on like an orgasm

  Evil eats you out when you should be looking for a cure

  Evil takes your virginity

 with the beat dropping in the song you forgot was playing in the background

 it honeys sweet tea the morning after

 drinks it in front of you

  Evil won’t break eye contact

 says it’s just the way I’ve always been

 leaving its shirts in your drawer

 blaming its confusion and crying

 can’t deal, can’t deal, can’t deal

  Evil knows it will always exist

 that you’ll always come back to it

 it stares into your feeble will while you imagine it

 French kissing new lovers

 Where Are You Really From?

  Sent to ESL class in fifth grade

          Went home to finish Harry Potter on the loveseat

 Told to learn about the Irish potato famine through an early-readers book

          Read about red-eared slider turtles in bed out of curiosity

 Failed math tests to everyone’s surprise

          Finished spelling tests the quickest

 Memories recalled because they cease to mummify

          Ice melts in the champagne bucket while he waits

 Mythical Man (II)

 We press against each other

              so hard

         that I should just admit

I want to be

    absorbed into you,

               our atoms

amalgamating

until we become a hydra

         writhing

   with one hundred hissing

     heads poised

                           to strike.

But the harder I try

  to inhabit this idea

the more I know

of its futility –

         eventually, each head

      will be sliced off,

tar-black blood

         kissing the hilt

     of my sword.

I’ll need to cauterize

each wound

to prevent

        our dreams

              from regrowing,

distractions

         from the real magic

         that make us

powerful

on our own.

 Hunt

  Have you noticed how sharp and sparkly

your talons are in the starlight?

Let me lick them clean once you’ve finished

stirring up my sweetest and most tender parts.

Pupils dilated, I see hunters

who’ve been stalking this forest for you

the moment you entered to seek me out.

Clutch me in the dark – together we’ll stay

silent as I brush the vertebrae

protruding from your charcoal-flecked skin.

 Finally

  The salt on your cheeks

needs to be wiped away. To be honest,

the devil should not be remembered

only when he wants to be.

 He’s there when you slip, lacerating

the bottoms of your toes

on barnacles, and he’s there

when you slurp back ice-cold oysters

 on the shoreline, golden and hot

with citrus

running down your stubbled chin,

speckling the sand’s darkness.

 Before you leave, be sure to stand

and limp over if you have to.

Find where the devil stands

in the water, a wading merman

 from the waist up. He’ll bow,

patient and understanding,

forgiving and waiting

to kiss the tears from your cheeks.