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danteadredkin · 2 years

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Okay I have a lot of gnender questions but here's the big one that bothers me a lot:

I identify as a man, but I still like presenting femininely. I know that men can be feminine but for some reason when I wear a dress and do up my hair I look at myself and immediately see a girl. Sometimes I like they/them and other times I prefer he/him but I've never liked she/her, so whenever I wear those clothes I just feel yucky even though I love dressing up. And at first I thought I might be trans but then i realized that I didn't want to transition so I thought I might be genderfluid but something about that label just feels not right for me.

Sorry for turning this into a gnender rant but the gist of it is this: I don't think I'm trans but I know I'm not genderfluid, so is this just good 'ole confusion or is there an actual label for what I'm feeling>

I've had a few somewhat similar feelings before, with some labels feeling almost right but not quite, and sometimes two different ones feel right but they're conflicting labels, sometimes the labels that fit me change day to day, ect ect. What I eventually settled on that made me happy is just calling myself 'queer'. It's the word that I decided best describes me, encompassing everything and committing to nothing. I can be asexual one day and bi the next and trans the day after. It's lgbtqa+ all in one simple word.

As for gender labels specifically...the equivalent might be just calling your gender 'gender' lol. Personally, I would consider using 'queer' as my gender, if I was feeling what you describe. You also might find happiness or satisfaction in being one of those people who just say 'what are you, a cop?' when asked their gender. You might be happier trying to learn to live with and even love a concept without a name for your gender, leaving it unnamed. It doesn't have to have a label, if it's causing you more stress to look for one that's perfect than it's worth.

You might also try aiming for androgynous fashion, or looking male with your body but feminine with your clothes. Personally, I actually really liked experimenting with makeup styles meant to make female faces look more masculine, you might try that. I've also been thinking about trying male voice training, I think that would be similarly satisfying, you might try that.

You said something about not wanting to transition. I can kind of feel that. On the topic of my own gender...if it was a perfect world, and I could switch my body's gender with the flick of a button, and transphobia didn't exist, I think I would. I would pick a male body, but I would probably still dress it pretty feminine quite often. But this is not a perfect world, and transitioning is difficult and painful and expensive, and most of the world is some degree of transphobic, and honestly I barely have any body disphoria worth mentioning. So I choose to stay a woman most of the time, because it's the easier option. I often think that people who choose to transition are tougher and braver than any marine.

One place I think you might also find a kind of kinship is actually with drag queens, I think. I've met a few before. Now from what I understand, most drag queens won't answer directly if you ask their gender, but from what I understand, a fair number of them aren't actually trans women. They're just men who present feminine, sometimes or all the time, men who look like women, which sounds like some of what you've described. You might seek out your local drag queens (and kings) for further wisdom on the subject.

I also have a little brother who is trans, but he still chooses to present as very feminine. Most people look at him and see a girl. He's had a lot of mental health struggles around his gender. It feels to me like you have a lot in common with him. If you want, I could ask him to make a throw away account, and you could message him, or annon him? He might have better answers than me.

And also one thing that makes sense to me, that's helped me make sense of some gender things, is this thing that I heard once. It goes something like: "I am a man. And this is my skirt. And sense this skirt belongs to a man, that makes it a man's skirt, not a woman's skirt." This line has helped me make sense of a lot of gender things. That might help you too, when presenting feminine? Go through things one by one, and say 'I am a man, so that is a man's skirt. I am a man, so that is a man's ponytail. I am a man, so that is a man's makeup.' Or substitute they/them, when the mood strikes. Make it a kind of morning affirmation, maybe?

I kind of got all over the place with this reply...sorry about that. The end question was on labels, wasn't it? I'm sorry, but if there is a single, perfect label for what you are and what you're feeling, I don't know what it is. I've had some similar feelings, but the *not knowing* has never bothered me enough to really dig into it with a lot of self examination and research. I hope something of my experience helps though, and I hope you know I care about you no matter what your gender or clothes are. Even if there isn't a word for you, or if the word changes every day, you're still *you* and I still like *you* behind all the labels and the clothes and the body. I hope you likes *you* too. And you can feel free to ask me any time, though I'm sorry if I don't quite have the right words.

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sanderssidesfanfiction · 5 years

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Royal Growing Pains - Chapter Two

Warnings: Homophobia, transphobia, misgendering, sympathetic Deceit

Royal Growing Pains Tag

When Roman woke up next, he turned to check the time on the clock on his nightstand, only to realize he wasn’t in his own bed. He sat upright with a gasp before he remembered that he was at the Byron’s to be married off to Damien. He forced away a sob as he got himself dressed again, back into that infernal pink thing his mother forced him to wear. He considered the odds of him being caught walking around barefoot, and decided that the yelling didn’t outweigh the feeling of being able to walk for fifteen minutes.

He slipped on the heels and opened the door to his room to find his suitcases waiting. He pulled them into his room and resolved to change into pants later. As it was, he had to get something to eat before his mother came looking for him.

Wandering around the castle in search of the kitchen, Roman realized that same yellow that was in the entrance was painted on virtually every hallway in the place. He was starting to see why someone might hate it.

He made a triumphant noise when he stumbled upon the kitchen, and his heels clicked against the tile as he looked around. There had to be something simple that didn’t need much preparation that he could eat... “Excuse me?” a voice asked from behind him.

Roman turned and the man gasped, hastily bowing. “Princess Veronica, my apologies, I did not realize that was you!” the man said.

“Oh it’s quite all right, Mister...?”

“Uh, Hart. Patton Hart. I’m the top chef in charge around here,” he said. “Is there anything I can do for you? I know you slept through when the Queens were having breakfast together.”

“Yeah, if there’s any...any fruit, or something small I can have for breakfast, that would be lovely,” Roman said.

“Is that all? I could make you something bigger if you wanted...”

“No, something small is all I want,” Roman said, flashing a smile. “If you have any green apples I would be more than happy with one of those.”

“Oh! Sure thing!” Patton said, rushing to the pantry and coming back with two green apples. “Take two, just in case you’re hungrier than you think you are,” he suggested.

“You’re very kind,” Roman said with a small smile.

“Anything for a princess as beautiful as you!” Patton chirped.

Roman kept his smile in place by some miracle of strength he didn’t realize he had. “Do you happen to know where Prince Damien is?” he asked. “I was hoping we could continue our conversation from this morning sooner, rather than later.”

“Oh, of course!” Patton exclaimed. “He should be studying in the library with his professor. He’s incredibly intelligent, did you know? He’s working on getting a Bachelor’s degree in Ancient Roman history.”

Roman sniffed a laugh. Patton’s brows furrowed but Roman just waved a hand. “Nothing particularly funny, just an inside joke between me and my brother,” he dismissed. “How do I get to the library from here?”

“Uh, up one floor and head towards the back of the castle, Damien likes the view by the windows so that’s where you’re most likely to find him,” Patton said.

“All right. Thank you, Patton,” Roman said with a smile, before walking out of the kitchen. His teeth dug into the skin of one of the apples and he took a bite, savoring the tart taste of a good old-fashioned green apple. There wasn’t anything quite like it.

As he made his way upstairs, he kept one ear open to see if he could hear his mother, in an attempt to avoid her. He’d rather spend time alone with Damien than spend any time with his mother.

He got to the library door, somewhat ajar and he pushed it open softly, looking around. There were shelves upon shelves of books, and at the very back of the room, a giant set of bay windows, where Damien was sitting, typing on a laptop. After throwing away the apple cores in a nearby trash can, Roman walked over, relieved that at least one place in the castle had carpet, so he didn’t have to worry about hearing his heels click everywhere.

It was only when he was three feet away that Damien acknowledged him, and then he had him mistaken for someone else as he said, “I’m almost done with my paper, Logan, I’ll have it on the printer for you in five minutes. I just need to finish proofreading.”

“Well, I’m glad I’m not interrupting you in the middle of the paper, then,” Roman said, sitting down across from Damien and looking out the window. “But I’m afraid I’m not Logan.”

Damien looked up. “Oh! Veronica,” he said. “My apologies.”

Roman ignored the sting at his deadname, knowing that Damien didn’t know any better. It was taking a lot of patience out of him, but he could grin and bear it just a little while longer, just until he could figure out a way out of here. “It’s fine,” he said. “I was just wondering if you were still studying. I was looking forward to our conversation about childhood adventures.”

“Ah. Well, as I said, I just need to finish proofreading. As soon as the paper is printed we can talk,” Damien said.

Roman nodded and let Damien read through what he had written, and Roman noticed with a small amount of amusement that Damien was mouthing along to what he was reading.

When he turned back to the window, he could see the blue sea stretching for miles, a few boats dotting the blue here and there, but the ocean was mostly untouched. He would love to go out there on a boat, just him and Remus, swimming and play-arguing, and maybe even fishing a little if they were patient enough.

Subtly he shook himself free of those thoughts. That wasn’t a possibility anymore. He wouldn’t get the chance to speak to Remus often, save through emails which would no doubt be heavily monitored by his mother. His eyes stung, and he blinked back his tears. He couldn’t cry, not at all but especially not here, in front of a man who he was doomed to pretend to love until death.

Damien nodded, hit a couple buttons on his laptop, and in the distance, Roman could hear a printer start up. “I can get the paper in a little while,” Damien said with a smile. “I must admit that I wasn’t expecting you to seek me out.”

Roman shrugged. “Well, I may not be pleased at being married, but I would at least like to know my husband. And any time away from my mother is a welcome distraction.”

Damien threw Roman a quizzical look and Roman shrugged with a bitter smile. “It sounds strange, I know, but it’s true. My mother is not the most caring individual in the world. She adores my brother, and she loves who she wants me to be, but I can’t be what she wants me to be, and that leaves me lacking in her support, and often leaves us at odds.”

“You have my sincerest apologies, my dear. That does not sound easy,” Damien said.

Roman shrugged again and sighed. “Do you ever wish that...that you didn’t have to be who everyone wanted you to be? That you felt in charge of your own destiny?”

“All too often,” Damien said softly. “It’s a painful and lonely feeling.”

Roman gave Damien a true smile, albeit tinged with sadness. “At least we aren’t alone in our misery anymore?”

Damien barked a laugh, clapping a hand over his mouth and looking around before he grinned at Roman. “How very true,” he said, and Roman felt like he could stare at Damien’s smile forever. Why did Damien have to be cute? Why did Roman have to be into guys? He was sure this would have been easier if he felt nothing for the prince sitting in front of him, but Roman undeniably felt there was something interesting about the man. “So, do you want to continue our discussion about childhood adventures? Or shall we just wallow in misery for a few more minutes?”

Roman offered Damien a smirk. “I don’t know. Commiserating can be very cathartic.”

Damien laughed softly. “Well, why don’t I tell you some of my mishaps, so you might feel less embarrassed about yours?”

“Oh, I’m not embarrassed by my mishaps, they happen to make for hilarious stories,” Roman said with a grin. “There was the time that my brother and I swapped clothes as young kids, convinced that no one would be able to tell us apart.”

Damien chuckled. “Did you have long hair then, too?”

“No. Believe it or not, I had hair much like a pixie cut, and so did my brother. We actually got away with it for most of the day, until it came time for dinner, our parents found us covered in mud from playing in the garden, and we had to each take a bath,” Roman laughed.

Damien laughed with him, and Roman actually felt briefly happy, despite his circumstances. “I never had a sibling to wreak havoc with, which I suppose is for the best, considering the sort of trouble I would get up to just persuading the castle staff to humor me for five minutes. One such incident involved a tailor trying to fit me for a suit when I had to be about...six years old, and I managed to get into my art supplies, grabbing the glitter but not looking where I was going...”

“Oh, no,” Roman laughed. “Where did it land?”

“Somewhat on the fabric that was going to be used for my suit...but mostly on the tailor,” Damien explained.

“Oh, no!” Roman laughed hard enough that he was wheezing. “I can only imagine how you would have been with a brother or sister as a child.”

Damien laughed. “Yes, I fear it would not have ended well for anyone involved.”

Roman shook his head. “Were your parents mad?”

“Furious,” Damien said. “I wasn’t allowed glitter for six months after that.”

Roman laughed with a wince in sympathy.

“When did you start to grow out your hair?” Damien asked, pointing to Roman’s long locks. “If you had a pixie cut as a young child?”

Roman sighed. “My mother forced me to grow it out when I was ten. I wasn’t a fan of it then and I’m still not now. Long hair is just impractical, and I much prefer not having to blow dry anything.”

Damien closed his laptop. “May I ask you a question, Veronica?”

Oh, boy, here it goes, Roman thought. “Sure,” he said.

“You seem to be very...androgynous-to-masculine in behavior. But you wear very feminine clothing, and present as very feminine in appearance in general. Is there any particular reason for that?”

He could say it. He could say he was trans, right now, where no one except him and Damien were. His mother couldn’t stop him, no one would wander in and listen, he could say it. But if Damien reacted poorly...his mother would be furious at him still insisting he was trans, and absolutely nothing would go right. He might even be shipped off to a different kingdom to a different prince to be married there, and he wouldn’t be allowed a bit of privacy from his mother until he had that cursed ring on his finger. So...in reality...he couldn’t say it. “I’m unsure,” he said. “I suppose growing up with Remus, and following around the knights and guards, and very rarely being around women made me have a more masculine taste.”

“I suppose that could be a reason,” Damien agreed, but judging by the look he was giving Roman he didn’t quite believe the lie. “Do you intend to have lunch with the Queens today? My father and I were considering joining the three of you, but I would only want to go if you were in attendance.”

Roman sighed. “I don’t have much of a choice in the matter, Damien,” he admitted. “My mother is a controlling woman. What she says goes, and the only people who dare defy her are removed from her world quickly and without mercy.”

Damien frowned. “That does not sound remotely pleasant. Is there nothing you can do to stop her?”

Roman scoffed. “The last time I tried that is the reason why I’m here now.”

“What?” Damien looked shocked.

“My mother is removing me from the equation until in her eyes I can ‘behave,’” Roman explained, using air quotes around the word behave. “She doesn’t believe me when I say what I want. She thinks that marrying me to a man will make me change my opinion on certain things, like my hair, or preferring to wear pants to skirts.”

“That’s...awful,” Damien managed. “I suppose a part of you must be happy to escape her grasp, though?”

“She’ll constantly pester me here until she’s decided I’ve changed my tune,” Roman spat. “I know this isn’t very ‘ladylike’ but I hate her with a fiery passion usually reserved for the deepest pits of hell.”

Damien’s eyebrows rose and Roman inwardly scolded himself for letting himself get carried away in a rant again. “I’m truly sorry, Veronica. That...that cannot be easy.”

Roman flinched visibly at the use of his deadname, and he stood abruptly, needing to get away, to breathe, to think without constantly having his old life thrown in his face. “If you’ll excuse me,” he said, before practically running out of the room.

His heels clicked in the hallways, and with every step Roman could feel himself losing a little more of his sanity. The apples he had eaten earlier felt like a rock in his stomach, and he thought he might be sick.

He retreated to his room, fishing in his luggage for the books he had packed. While his mother had confiscated his laptop, she couldn’t take away the books he had read. He pulled out a classic thriller, deciding that he would read before lunch.

In an instant, he was teleported into a world where he didn’t have to be a ladylike princess named Veronica, he could be Ty Stryder, the private eye trying to figure out who killed the mayor before the corrupt cops got to him and got him to stop investigating...one way or another.

He was halfway through the novel before there was a knock at his door and he checked the time. Ten until noon. Time for lunch. He sighed, smoothed the skirt of his dress, and moved to the door, where an overeager young servant was waiting for him. “Right this way, Your Highness, the royal family will be eating with you and your mother.”

Joy, Roman thought to himself, but again, didn’t dare say.

He allowed himself to be guided to the main dining room, which had high ceilings, and bright white walls, with gold accents in the curtains. Damien was already there, as was Damien’s mother, but it appeared that Damien’s father and Roman’s mother were not yet in attendance. “Your Highness, Your Majesty,” he greeted.

“Ah, Veronica, come on in,” the Queen said. “Your mother and I missed you at breakfast this morning.”

Roman shrugged apologetically. “I’m afraid I was more tired than anticipated,” he said with a plastered-on fake smile.

Damien gave him a searching look and Roman bit back the urge to snarl and run. It wasn’t anything Damien had done, it wasn’t fair to antagonize him for something he couldn’t help. Roman sat down across from Damien, which he really wished he could avoid, but he knew it was Damien or the Queen, and he wasn’t quite ready to tackle the problem which was the Queen yet. “Are you feeling better, Veronica?” Damien asked.

“Better? Was she ill earlier?” the Queen asked.

“She was in a hurry this morning when we were having a discussion in the library. I could only assume she felt unwell, by how distraught she was at the end of the conversation,” Damien explained.

And all of a sudden, Roman thought that he might get sick again. He hated his old name and his old pronouns more than he had first thought. Or maybe he was just hearing them so often that it felt like he had never been called anything else, ever, not even by Remus. “I’m feeling a little better, thank you,” he said quietly, hating the sound of his too-high voice, hating the feel of the too-tight dress, hating the situation of being trapped inside his own mind with no way to free himself.

Then, the King came in, along with Roman’s mother, and Roman had to plaster on that all-too-fake smile again as the King greeted him, and his mother sat down next to him, across from the Queen.

Patton came in, along with five servants, who placed plates in front of each of the members of the table. “Today’s lunch is rather simple, I’m afraid. Chicken parmesan,” Patton said.

“I’m sure it’s great, Patton,” the King said. “All of your food is.”

“Thank you, Your Majesty,” Patton said with a bow. “If you need anything, don’t hesitate to shout!”

And with that, the five were left alone with their food. Roman forced himself to eat, even though food was the last thing on his mind. His mother would want him to be polite, and that included eating what was put in front of him.

“I had seen pictures of you before, Veronica, but they don’t do you justice. You look absolutely beautiful,” the King said.

Roman looked down at his plate in embarrassment and just a touch of anger before he looked back up and said, “Thank you, Your Majesty.”

The King smiled at him and as the Queen and his mother started talking about wedding plans in excitement, Damien and Roman shared embarrassed glances. Roman was relieved that at least he wasn’t the only one who felt embarrassed by this turn of events. Damien didn’t feel completely comfortable with the wedding either, or at least, he didn’t feel comfortable with their mothers’ plans.

The conversation continued for a while, as Roman picked at his food. Then, “What do you think, Veronica?”

Roman hummed a question as he washed down some of the chicken with his water. “I’m sorry, what was the question?” he asked.

“Do you have a preference on a dress?” his mother asked with a touch of impatience. “I was hoping for something rather intricate, I love it when you wear lace.”

Roman bit his tongue and shrugged. “I haven’t given it much thought, truth be told. Although I must admit I’m not looking for anything like lace in particular. It’s rather difficult for me to enjoy myself when I’m wearing something that...well...feels wrong.”

His mother sent him a warning glare. Roman shrugged. “I just don’t like lace very much, Mother, I’m sorry.”

The conversation continued, with Roman reluctantly roped into it. It was all “Veronica” this and “Veronica” that, never once asking his opinion on the questions that mattered, and he absolutely hated it.

“Do you prefer gold or silver, Veronica?”

“Chocolate cake for the reception, Veronica?”

“What do you want your first dance to be, Veronica?”

Roman stood up from the table the moment he finished his chicken, the chair he was sitting in screeching across the floor. “Apologies, I’m still not feeling well,” he said, before leaving the room without another word.

Tag List: @loganpatton @lilbeanblr @kittyboof8 @irish-newzealand-idian-dutch @sanders-trash-4ever @hamilspntrash @swords-and-kittens @phantomfander @narniasfinestavengingsociopath @rjmeta @ambersky0319 @anni-cat-flower @idosanderssidespromptssometimes @nafsbluebery @lunareclipse-13 @sanders-sides-crofters @blushy-gigglee-mess @wannacrymetoo @kaytikitty @magicalspacepanunicorn @bootsinthesun @pricklyfish777 @flowersanddinosaurs @leiasolo77 @voidvirgil @birdybabybird @enby-phoenix @luna–28 @justagaygoose @the-prince-and-the-emo @fandomsandanythingelse @randommuffinyt @snekky-boi @thesoftestlittlepuffballwegot @twilight-trix @abby5577 @escalatingtoofast @friendlyfacestabbing @remus-is-stinky @foggybanditdreampeanut @ghostskull300 @sprinklestheditty

#roceit #sanders sides fanfiction #roman sanders #deceit sanders #sympathetic deceit #royal growing pains #our creations

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kinkymagnus · 5 years

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Thanks for validating my love for clean shaven Magnus! Most seem to like the goatee look more. Also from a trans Magnus perspective, I kind of headcanon that Magnus keeps the goatee for a more masculine look after getting together with Alec. Like, to "compensate" and for other angsty reasons (Alec is gay and Magnus thinks he isn't "a man enough" for him or something like that).

ldfkjg any time, it’s nice to hear im not the only one lgkhjfgh

yeah like?? don’t get me wrong, i love magnus with the goatee, he looks amazing, but i prefer clean shaven magnus lowkey?? he just looks so good lkgjfgh

and ohhh!!!! that fits into so many of my other headcanons. i can def see that, like magnus has really conflicted feelings on it. on one hand, he feels more masculine with it, which is kind of nice, but on the other hand, he’s more comfortable with a shaven face? like normally he wouldn’t mind stubble sometimes, but he tended to keep it pretty closely shaven. but. but. alec is gay, and magnus is........... well, he feels like he really needs to be as masculine as possible for alec. he has to compensate, he has to dress more masculine and wear darker colors and wear less makeup and yes, grow out his facial hair.

and he all these conflicting feelings about it, too, because he’s forcing himself to present as more masculine in an effort to keep alec with him and comfortable, but at the same time, he feels like he should want to do this anyway, he is a man, after all, and it’s not like he necessarily... doesn’t like it, he likes his darker and more masculine outfits fine, and he still dares to add his own touches, jewelry and eyeliner and so on. so why does he wish he could still dress the way he used to, just a little bit, he’s not uncomfortable and he should be happy, and it’s for the love of his life, he’s being ridiculous.

because even if in his more masculine outfits he didn’t feel uncomfortable, he still liked how he looked, remember how after the body swap his colors got more vibrant like he was trying to comfort himself, like he was pulling away, remember how after they got married he was painted with colors again??? when he was happy??? aaaaaaaaaaaaaaaa it’s just.... he felt really good in those androgynous outfits. he liked wearing them, liked how they felt and looked.

but he thought, well, alec was already putting up with so much, he should be. well. as masculine as he could be. alec was gay, he wanted a man, he deserved a boyfriend who was actually manly, and it’s fine.

and it’s not like this is a huge thing. it’s fine, really, of course it is. magnus isn’t uncomfortable, and he’s willing to sacrifice a little extra pleasure to be with alec. and sure it enforces some of his deepest insecurities about being too feminine and not a real man but it’s fine.

but like. idk how this comes out but it does. im picturing he’s getting dressed, like choosing out his necklaces and looking in the mirror, alec behind him watching with loving eyes, and magnus just casually mentions that he misses wearing some of the more androgynous clothing or something before catching himself. he shuts himself up but it’s too late, he’s said it, and he hopes he’s overreacting and alec will gloss over it--and alec kisses his cheek from behind. and says mm, that’d be nice.

and magnus’s whole brain goes ???

and alec’s like yeah you always look really great in those outfits. why did you stop wearing those?

magnus doesn’t really know what to say.

alec’s like i figured it may have had something to do with valentine coming back, but i wasn’t sure, and really, that had contributed, throwing up that sharp and dangerous and powerful facade had become more important than ever in those years, but.

idk how alec coaxes it out of him, or exactly how the conversation goes, but magnus ends up admitting he wanted to be as masculine as he could for alec, alec deserved his boyfriend to actually be a boyfriend, and he already put up with so much, and he deserved better and magnus just wanted him to be happy and comfortable in their relationship and alec’s like ok what about your happiness tho? your comfort?

and magnus is like “does not compute” because he has never, ever put himself first

and alec’s like “and even so, it doesn’t apply, because you’re not less masculine for enjoying more feminine or androgynous clothing, and i don’t see you as any less of a man, for that or for your gender identity, i love you and i would love you in any outfit, and anyway you look beautiful like that, i first started falling for you when you were dressed like that, you look stunning in glamorous bright colors and sparkles and flowers and soft silky clothes, you look so beautiful with the colorful makeup and i bet you’d look stunning in lipstick or in a skirt or whatever else you might want to try, it doesn’t make me think less of you and it certainly doesn’t make me less attracted to you” and fglhkjfglkhjgkhjflgkhjgflkhj fglkhjfglkh jflgkhjfglkhjflgkhjfglkhjfglkhjgfh fglkhjhf

#magnus bane #alec lightwood #malec #shadowhunters #trans magnus bane #long post

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shoutoismybaby · 6 years

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Nonbinary Reader

Hi! I'm so excited to send you this (but also a little nervous, you're so cool!) and with so many of my favorites being your faves too! Could I request some headcanons of Todoroki, Kirishima, Tetsu, Shinso, and Shouji (my underappreciated boy!) with a newly out nonbinary s/o? Like how do they handle or feel about their s/o presenting masculinely or femininely? Do they mind? How do they comfort their s/o on bad days? Gender neutral please and thank you so much for your time! Have a great day!

***

Thank you for this ask, I hope I did it justice!

Also you don't need to be nervous, I'm not that cool. Just another teen who rights fanfic when she has the time!

***

Todoroki:

Personally, I think that Todoroki would have the feeling that you were nonbi before you even came out to him

Just because he’s a very observant person and I think he would probably catch on to all the little hints

Honestly, when you come out tho he’ll probably just respond with “okay” and that’ll be it

Just “okay”

No emotion

And this isn't because he doesn't care, he’s just like ‘I been knew’

He doesn't really mind how you feel like presenting yourself from day to day, as long as you're feeling confident

On a bad day, Shouto will probably just make you some tea and sit with you

He won't start the conversation, but he’s open to talking if you are and he’s very good at comforting if you're ever feeling dysphoric

Kirishima:

The first thing he does when you come out to him is worry about if him calling you manly upsets you at times

If it doesn't, that's great!

If it does sometimes, he’ll try not to say it too much unless you’ve given him the okay for the day

Honestly, he loves however you decide to present, because he thinks that it's really cute when you dress feminine, but he also really likes matching on your masculine days

Sometimes Kirishima needs help getting informed about nonbinary things, just because he is a very cis boy, but he really enjoys learning anything you want to teach him

On a bad day, Kirishima will reassure you of anything you need the reassurance of

He’s always there for you

Tetsu:

To be completely honest he doesn't even know what nonbinary is when you first come out to him

You have to spend a good hour explaining everything before he understands

But once he does he fully supports you and it ready to throw hands at anyone who even thinks of invalidating you

He’s okay when you decide to dress masculine/feminine, though it takes some getting used to because he is so used to you dressing according to your assigned gender

Sometimes he worries about you dressing not according to your assigned gender because he is concerned that other people might bully you when he isn’t around

On a bad day, Tetsu will just listen to you, there isn't much he can say because he's not that educated, but he will listen and be there for as long as you need

Shinsou:

I feel like shinsou would, like todoroki, have an idea that you're nonbi before you come out

Somewhere in between you already dressing pretty androgynous some days and stealing his clothes(if your bio fem) he had a STRONG feeling

In fact, he’s the one who approached you about how you identified after you introduced him to a couple different nonbinary youtubers

You’re allowed to steal his clothes whenever now, as long as they are returned

He does prefer to have clothes in his closet to wear

Tho sometimes he does have to go to your room and take his back from your closet while you're asleep

He doesn't mind at all however you decide to present yourself, and if anyone bothers you about it he won't hesitate to use his quirk

On bad days he’ll probably just wrap you up in a sushi blanket and watch your favorite nonbinary youtubers and Netflix until you feel better

Shouji:

(idk about anyone else but something about Shouji gives androgynous vibes)

Anyways I feel like Shouji would be very supportive in a low-key way

Like when you first come out he will probably have a long conversation with you so that he can understand you better

He really likes it when you dress how you feel because you just get really happy and it makes him really happy and

He just loves it when you're confident because you smile more and your smile makes him feel, just so happy

On a bad day he will hold you in his many arms for as long as you want and will listen to you talk or rant for as long as you need

Will definitely reassure you if you're ever feeling dysphoria

***

Requests are open!

#bnha x reader #mha x reader #shoto todoroki x reader #kirishima eijirou x reader #shinsou hitoshi x reader #shoji x reader #nesawrites

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mitjo-deactivated · 7 years

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Long Exposure Trans Hcs

(this was bound to happen)

Note: I am not the word of God or anything. These are my personal hcs that I like to think about! If your hcs differ that’s fine, everyone has their own hcs and honestly I love all and any trans hc! Again, this is just for fun and my own little list.

(Also yes, I’m aware some of these characters Wouldn’t be trans but hey, this is all in good fun and it doesn’t many any of em less of an asshole)

Jonas Wagner - Demiboy (Him/His - They/Them)

↪ Personal Hcs: amab, felt mostly “masculine” his entire life until the category of just being a boy made him feel sick. Wants to appear neutral/androgynous, and gets really bad dysphoria about certain facial features. Wants to try dressing in more “traditionally feminine” clothing but is a bit scared to. Has a lot to learn.

Mitch Mueller - Non-binary (He/His - They/Them)

↪ Personal Hcs: amab, very masc presenting because it’s all he really knows. Is fine being called masculine terms because he’s used to it but feels as if they don’t really define him. Doesn’t feel like his body is his own sometimes, and feels like he’s in a void because while “boy” feels fine it doesn’t feel Right. Also has a lot to learn.

Sidney Wagner - Genderfluid (No Preference for Pronouns)

↪ Personal Hcs: afab, they just don’t care man. They slowly came to the realization that they’d rather present themself in anyway they want and didn’t want to uphold to some kind of standard. Doesn’t really get body dysphoria but does wish they can get a binder. “Clothes don’t have gender but you are not stickin’ me inside a dress.”

Javier Osorio - Questioning (Unsure Pronouns)

↪ Personal Hcs: amab, has some trouble adjusting to the fact they’re trans. Doesn’t feel the need to change certain appearances but wants to get used to more “feminine” traits. Feels like they’re stuck not knowing what to call themself. Responds most to male pronouns but neutral pronouns and female pronouns don’t feel bad either.

Scratch Dyer - Agender (They/Them)

↪ Personal Hcs: Literally does not care about your opinion. Doesn’t like being placed within a category, just wants to be Scratch. Will bite your finger off if you call them a girl/boy. Doesn’t get body dysphoria. “Are you a boy or a girl?” “HA!”

Cliff Lonnie - Genderfluid (She/Him/They)

↪ Personal Hcs: amab, has a lot of unlearning to do. Had no idea until much later that being a boy had never felt right. Gets body dysphoria hardcore, leaves them pretty shaken most of the time. First time they wore “feminine” clothing they couldn’t stop shaking for a while. Just wants someone to talk to. Needs to grow as a person and learn. (While also unlearning)

Lewis Halls - Transboy (He/Him)

↪ Personal Hcs: He is living his own damn life!! Has a secret fear that he doesn’t pass, feels the super obligated need to pass at all times. Downplays how bad his dysphoria can get. Binds, has testosterone injectors, and had a legal name change. Wants to eventually get top surgery.

Madison Cleary - Demigirl (She/Her - They/Them)

↪ Personal Hcs: (Am I aware this is ooc? Very. Will that stop me? Nah) afab, internalized transphobia/homophobia to the max. Doesn’t like acknowledging that she doesn’t always feel like a girl, suppresses the urge to not look at more “masc” items/clothes. Does’t really know what to do.

Neil Beckham - Transboy (He/Him)

↪ Personal Hcs: (YES THIS IS VERY OOC I KNOW) Uh, not much to say here. Okay so sometimes, there’s this thing called hyper masculinity which sometimes occurs in transboys. Neil has a really bad case of being hyper masculine which turns into him being a fucking asshole. Yeah that’s all I have.

Carmen Ramirez - Transgirl (She/Her)

↪ Personal Hcs: I love my trans daughter. Her parents don’t really get it but are very accepting and let her take estrogen and testosterone blockers. Gets facial and body dysphoria. Hearing her birth name makes her want to throw up. Clothes make her feel better.

Dean Wagner - No

↪ Personal Hcs: No

Henrietta Synder - Non-binary (She/Her - They/Them)

↪ Personal Hcs: afab, very similar to Mitch’s case. She feels very lost about herself, never knowing why she didn’t feel right. She loves being called mom but sometimes she just wants to be Henri.

#long exposure comic #long exposure #trans hcs #hcs #i was very worked up and bored so i decided to do this just cause #shrugs #i like making lists!!!!!!!

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queermequeeryou · 5 years

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chapter dos.

junio 25, 2010

Querida Mercedes,

para mi las dias no están importantes yo vivo y yo escrito o yo vio porque yo escrito no es importante como todo es igual solamente tu eres en mis pensamientos no puedo imaginar la vida sin ti tu eres como la escritura el senso de mi creo que tu estas bien y todo esta bien mientras ti y Marga tenia una cita ayer me satisfacía fisicamente esa mujer me preguntaba o quiero a ver una vez más dije que si naturalmente mentiras después de Rebekah no tengo ninguna energia por jugar o comportarme

abrazos, tu Rudi

junio 28, 2010

Mi amor, terminé mi libro nuevo. La editora dijo que podemos a publicarle en primavera 2011. Finalmente. Ese libro me hizo cansado mucho, mucho. Es un libro sobre el hombre perdido. Conocido, verdad? Estoy fumando mucho y bebe mucho whiskey hi amigo Gustav esta fabricando no tengo ninguna rebaja Te extraño.

Mercedes was sitting in her home office looking through the box with letters she has received from Rudi over the years. It was already not possible to close it. It made her realise something very important: how could I let it happen without saying anything, without any conversation? They were always joking about his affection like it was the sing of friendship, his youth but nothing real. It was so natural, so essential for their relationship she just got just to it. Focusing on her life, work and most importantly on her love towards Immaculada. Some of the letters were in envelopes, some of them loosely put in this little, hand-decorated wooden box.

septiembre 12, 2015

Mercedes,

no puedo dormir me hecho en mi cama y estoy pensando sobre tu cuerpo el fuego en mi está demasiado caliente como tu pecho parecerse como es tocarle y acariciar imagino tus besos apasionados estoy duro necesito escribir o tal vez voy a la fiesta por bailar

demasiado caliente.

This letter was unopened and Mercy had the feeling like she has never actually read it. There was loads of deliveries from him and sometimes she was just putting the envelopes somewhere for later and not actually ending reading them. She felt tears in her eyes without knowing the certain reason. She took her mobile and chose Rudi’s number. After few signals, he finally picked up the call. “Mercedes” he said with Spanish accent; it made her think about the letters even more. “Tenemos que hablar. Rudi, too much happened, we need to discuss it like mature people” she has automatically started to reply in her language but she got back to English immediately. It felt out of the place to use Spanish now. “Sure. I agree. I don’t know what should we say and if I’ll be able to say anything at all but I want to see you, try to talk and listen to you. I can’t find a place for myself since all that happened” he replied. “I threw Michaela out. I feel so indifferent, I don’t know what to do”. “We’re going to figure it out. Can you come to my house today at 5pm?” “Maybe we can have a coffee, same place as always in Gran Via? I am renting a room there for now and I think the traffic will be terrible that time”. “Of course. Then, maybe 11am? I have a breakfast tv appearance in the center today”. she said looking at the clock, it was just 6am but she did not even bother to check it before calling. She knew he wakes up 4:45 every day. They agreed and she has started to get ready to the breakfast tv. Another celebrity-I-have-to-eat-and-pay-debt kind of meeting. Afterwards she took a taxi to see with Rainer, she realized that she has not spoken with Marga since that threesome. She suddenly felt anxiety inside her body and her eyes became glassy. When the vehicle stopped, she went outside to meet with Rudi. Mercedes did not say a word, she just smiled unnaturally and sat on the other side of table. Rudi was sitting there loosely, deeply in thoughts, with face rested on his fingers. Finally, he looked at her. They both looked scared, not saying a word for what seemed like eternity. “Rudi, do you love me?” He looked at her, deeply scared, with an empty gaze. “You already now the answer” he said shortly and took a sip of whiskey he was having despite the fact that it was still morning. He moved the glass around trying to focus on this action. There was Brian Ferry’s Slave To Love playing in the background. “I can’t give you what you want. That night was a mistake, Marga wanted to try, we were drunk. You are like a brother to me, like the same blood was in our veins but I can’t be with a man the way you would enjoy it. That’s why I said ‘no’ when you wanted to come inside me. I could not let this happen, Rainer” she said with a bit of a trembling voice; it cost her a lot. Rainer smiled ironically. “I know that, Mercy. That doesn’t change the fact that you are the love of my life. It was not about sex. Even though I wanted you so badly physically for all of these years as well. I am emotionally incapable of loving anybody else but you. Although, I felt so strange afterwards. That was not the way I imagined it. I told Michaela that you treated me like I was gay. That was the most ridiculous thing I could say but that’s how it seemed to me. With Marga, you know. I wouldn’t even say she’s a lesbian if I didn’t know. You were so dominant, so strong, I don’t know. I panicked. Then, I had to throw everything out of me so I talked with Michaela. I fired her because I was ashamed. I’m going crazy.” he massaged his face nervously. Mercedes was surprised and did not know how to response. “Marga is bisexual.” she said finally. “He haven’t spoken for few days, I haven’t even see her. It’s probably over. Rudi, I think you have a serious problem. I mean, with yourself. You underestimate yourself, you have this toxic way of perceiving masculinity because you need to prove something. To whom? To the world or to yourself? You know you should have started a therapy years ago. You’re a good man but you have never really seen it and you’re scared like shit that somebody could see that and perceive as your weakness. Rainer finished the rest of his whiskey in one sip. “I preferred when you didn’t tell me about that.” about half a minute passed before he started again. “I love you too much to let this comedy go on. That’s our last meeting. We have to go on by ourselves from now on. I just have one request. If you can, please hire Michaela. If not, throw it to the bin”. He put a piece of people with a name and phone number on the table as well as a 40 dollar bill and stood up. He stopped for a moment like he wanted to learn Mercedes’ face and never forget it. Few seconds later he was gone. Mercy took a piece of paper and chose Michaela’s number. When she saw MJ’s face, it immediately made her feel the same dizziness she realized when she was aroused by her during the first meeting. Androgynous writer sat on the chair where only about half hour ago sat Rainer. Mercedes smiled in a flirtatious way but it was pretty much her regular one. She liked to provoke people but mostly there was not much behind it. “I called because I wanted to offer you a job. It’s a short notice offer. From now on. I’ve been looking for an assistant for some time now. As you’ve been recommended to me by Rainer, I decided that it has to be you. Of course, I will understand if you’d say no. You are from Berlin and this job would require you to move here, to Madrid because naturally, it’s full time but I can assure you I will help you with the procedure if you’ll need anything. Also, with the accommodation. I know some places around. You can also stay at my place for a while, until you’ll figure something out. I just need somebody for 10 hours a day so I need you close.” she gave MJ a long look to which Michaela replied similarly. “It would be a pleasure.” she said in a very serious way but Mercedes knew it did not mean only work. “I have my documents at the hotel nearby”. “We could do without them at the beginning but I don’t have the contract with me now too.” “At the hotel downstairs there’s an internet café and they have printing as well if you have them on cloud or somewhere else online”. “Perfectamente” Mercedes was very glad about that.

Mercy took the freshly printed pages, paid for the service and went with Michaela upstairs to sign the documents. Michaela put on a curvy black line. She looked at Mercedes. Her short black dress was very tight and it was hard to not stare at her especially when she was leaning to take a pen. Michaela felt like her lust was too strong to resist. The smell of this attractive, elegant woman’s perfume was overwhelming. MJ put a hand on her waist and realized that this woman’s look was expressing similar emotions. They were both burning. She kissed Mercedes passionately and the woman took off her shirt to see her well-built arms and small breast that did not need any bra at all. Michaela unzipped Mercy’s dress. She was wearing an elegant lingerie paired with matching stockings. MJ carried her to the bed and gave her kisses on Mercedes’ neck, lips and she was heading lower. Her finger got through the lingerie and starting to massage older woman’s clitoris. She sighed and moved her body up under Michaela’s touches. When she stopped, MJ sat on the bed while Mercedes got on the floor and from this perspective she got down on her. Few minutes after Mercy’s tongue went inside her, she came. The night went on like that, with kisses and sighs. Mercedes has not realised Marga was calling her few times. There was no more any point of talking between them,.

#queermequeeryou #queer #writer #lesbians #manual de decoración para personas abandonadas #lesbian #story

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underhermantle · 7 years

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I was explaining Deanism to a feminist friend of mine and was surprised she didn't approve of it. She said that she preferred how Christianity and some other religions are starting to use non binary or female inclusive language for God, and worries that a religion that excludes the masculine/androgynous entirely wouldn't be fair to men or NB people. :-/

Hey!

I want to write a long and nuanced post about this at one point since I have a lot of thoughts on this issue but for now I’ll just say this:

Deanism doesn’t claim to be a ‘feminist religion’. We are not a non feminist religion either. We are a religion, free from political leanings. These days many religions seem to focus more on politics than they do about actual worship and devotion to God. On one hand you have conservative Christians shouting at women outside abortion clinics and aggressively countering LGBT rights and on the other hand you have feminist spiritualities like a lot of Mother Earth and New Age type groups, which often (but not always) just ends up being basically secular humanistic and not a religion at all.

A lot of people who aren’t actually religious or don’t worship God the Mother use statements like ‘God is a woman’ as a political statement. Which is their right. But sometimes I think such statements can trivialize Divine Feminine worship and make outsiders believe there is no way people could actually worship God the Mother.

Liberal Christians, as your friend pointed out, have started using feminine language for God, but often it just feels like lip service. They’ll throw in a couple of scriptural references about how God is ‘like a mother hen’ and talk about feminism but then for all intents and purposes they go back to worshipping a masculine God. I am not saying this is the case for all liberal Christian groups but as someone who has been a part of many I have seen it happen in many different churches. “Oh, hey, God is like a mother hen! Time to go back to calling him Father and using masculine pronouns for the rest of the service, though.” Other Deanists I’ve spoke to from Christian backgrounds have said the same thing. Many liberal Christian blogs on Tumblr do this, too. Don’t get me wrong, there are some Christopagans and such on here that do take their devotion to God the Mother seriously and do frequently and consistently affirm the female/feminine aspect of Deity, but for a lot of people it just seems like something they can use as a political tool to make a feminist statement every so often.

Worship of God the Mother has become so politicized. Can Deanists be feminists? Absolutely. I am a feminist myself, despite having a few issues with mainstream feminism today. I mostly consider myself a cultural feminist which is very different in a lot of ways than liberal or radical feminism. Do Deanists have to be feminists? Nope. I guess you could make the argument that for one to believe in a feminine God and then believe in a system in which women are spiritual leaders they’d have to have some feminists leanings even if they don’t admit to them, but there is no guidebook or scripture that says ‘Dea requires all of Her devotees to align with this political view or this political view.’

As for excluding nonbinary and male people, they are absolutely allowed to be Deanists. CoMG is an all female congregation (insofar as they can be considered a congregation) because of them being Chelouranyans which is an all female group. Clan Jana accepts devotees of all genders but its clergy is all female. I myself plan to start an all female order for young women, similar in design to religious and non religious groups for young women such as the Order of the Rainbow, Girl Scouts, the Mormon Young Women’s program, etc. Feminists often believe in all female spaces, so ask your friend why a religious group cannot have all female spaces, also.

In a world literally dominated by masculine and male centric religions, one tiny religion that centres the feminine and women isn’t a bad thing. Feminists and liberals want ‘balance’ between the masculine & the feminine in religion but what they don’t realise is that this doesn’t have to mean worshipping a multi-gendered Godhead or both the divine masculine and feminine, it can also mean groups that exclusively worship the divine feminine, to counter all the masculine centric religions in the world (and yes, I’m aware that most monotheisms do not believe that God is literally Male, but for all intents and purposes they worship God as a Father, a masculine Deity, and only pay lip service to God as divine feminine, which I mentioned earlier). Besides, we are not saying our way is the only way. Even if we did exclude men entirely from the religion (which we do not), that wouldn’t make all men damned because being a Deanist is necessary for salvation. There are other religions they could be a part of. Recently I heard the term ‘soft monotheism’. I’d heard of ‘hard monotheism, hard polytheism and soft polytheism’ in the past, but never soft monotheism. The definition I read was this: “One God, though other cultures might use different names to try to understand the great Creator.” I’d say that’s us. So, we don’t hold Deanism as necessary for salvation (salvation is universal), then it stands to reason that even if Deanism was female exclusive, we weren’t proclaiming that men and nonbinary people are outside of salvation’s grasp and locked out of any kind of ‘real’ connection with God.

But we do include men and nonbinary people, they are allowed to be Deanists, but some Deanic orders remain female only, and that’s okay. There was once a brotherhood order, but I’m unsure if they’re still about. If they’re not, and we ever end up with a lot of male members, there should definitely be one, as well as an order for nonbinary people, and one for people of all genders.

To summarize: Our worship of Dea isn’t a feminist statement. It is a deep, personal religious devotion that works for very few people, whether they need a masculine God or a non-gendered one, but it works for us.

As an addendum, I’d like to suggest sending this to your friend, too :) https://maisappho.wordpress.com/2013/07/24/why-i-only-worship-god-the-mother/

#deanism #filianism #god the mother #heavenly mother #queen of heaven

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colonelkepler · 8 years

Text

some cheeky trans headcanons

minkowski

a trans woman

she’d been ashamed of it for so long. she tried to hide it as much as she hid her heritage - while she covered up her accent, she tried to push herself into thinking of herself as a man, but it never worked

eventually she came to accept herself, except societal pressures to be a feminine trans girl were hard on her, and she hadn’t expected them. she didn’t like long hair, never did, and she wanted to go into the military. she got a lot of shit for heading into such a masculine path, but she braved through it

her whole life she was fighting through so many layers of prejudice to get where she got. and she’s so immensely proud of herself for pushing through those obstacles

nevertheless she doesn’t like to disclose the fact that she’s trans unless she absolutely has to - she’s a very private woman after all

the first time a subordinate calls her “sir” it throws her completely, before she remembers that’s just what all superiors are called. it takes her a long time to get used to the term as it still felt like a stab in the gut whenever she heard it, so she always prefers people to call her lieutenant or commander

she was very scared to tell mr koudelka, but felt like she should and wanted to, so she told him when they got engaged. he didn’t care at all.

she went on hrt after a long decision process about it but doesn’t want to have any surgery. she only gets very mild dysphoria and being in a command position meant hardly anyone could even try to misgender her and get away with it anyway

hera

agender if she had to put a label on it, but she doesn’t care for labels

hera’s concept of gender is very non-human, which would make sense as SHE’S not human. she doesn’t quite understand why people assume she’s a girl when all they have to go on is the fact that her vocal model was a woman

she finds human notions of gender kind of ridiculous actually and lightheartedly mocks them for it occasionally

she does not care what pronoun she’s referred to as bc again, none of the gender stuff matters to her. all she wants is to hang out in space and do her thing

“hera, you’re a girl, right, what does-” “i’m a pile of code with a pretty voice, eiffel, what part of that makes you think ‘girl’” “oh yeah. sorry.”

maxwell

definitely nonbinary

she makes so many stupid binary/nonbinary puns and it drives jacobi crazy

she’s EXTREMELY unapologetic about who she is, and she knows who she is. often feminine, but she often considers herself more androgynous, too. will often crack jokes about it and educate people about it

she doesn’t make any attempts to make herself look more masculine in order to appear androgynous bc as far as she’s concerned her body, curves and boobs and long curly hair and all, is exactly what a nonbinary body could look like

puberty was a stressful time for her (as michelle was saying in the ama!!). she didn’t like the idea of people seeing her and only perceiving her body, and her gender presentation. she didn’t like the thought of being perceived as a girl, or a guy, or anything like that. she wanted people to see her for HER and not for the labels applied to her or for anything on the outside.

doesn’t mind she/her pronouns, and in fact will take any pronouns, as long as her identity is respected. she doesn’t have pronoun dysphoria

but her physical dysphoria is terrible sometimes. not bc she wants to look more masculine, but because she gets upset again about how people will perceive her appearance before they perceive her. she likes talking to hera about it bc hera can cheer her up by joking innocently about how stupid it all is. she envies hera a little, as well as other ais, for their lack of a body, but she likes being with them bc they’ll never focus on anything so trivial as physical appearance

she’ll also talk to jacobi a lot about this stuff as he also faces dysphoria at times so he gets what she means. they understand each other rly deeply as a result of their shared experience with this so she can always count on him to validate her and crack enough jokes to make her happy again

jacobi

he’s a trans dude

he went the whole way, hrt, top surgery, bottom surgery, because his dysphoria was really high for ages. it cost a hell of a lot but his salary was good enough to cover it if he saved up, which he did, for ages.

i already mentioned this a bit in maxwell’s but part of his and maxwell’s closeness comes from them both being trans. it just feels so good to have each other around bc they understand things other people will never understand, and they have a lot of inside jokes to do with it.

he’s the kind of guy who won’t really mention he’s trans unless it makes sense to the conversation. he won’t hide it but he doesn’t feel a need to talk about it a lot like maxwell is willing to.

he’s a little scared of relationships with cis people because of bad experiences with how they view trans people when they date them, so he’s become a bit of a ‘crush from afar’ type. whether u wanna apply this to my otp or not (sweats) is up to you but it has def affected how he views relationships.

angry at maxwell’s nonbinary puns mostly because he’s not good at coming up with puns for his own transness :’(

cannot grow facial hair even after the hrt so he is my beautiful bare-chinned son. at the time he was actually pretty annoyed that he didn’t gain the Ability To Beard but now he thinks it would’ve looked terrible on him. he only mourns it jokingly now, sobbingly telling kepler to grow a beard on his behalf

#wolf 359 #w359 #these are just my faves #at any point i will headcanon everyone as trans #add anything if u want!!#BIT OF A LONG POST SORRY

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childrenofathoria-rp-blog · 7 years

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◆Out Of Character Information◆

Name/Age: Lash / 25 Preferred Pronouns: She/Her Timezone: EST Desired Character: Jade Nicoline

◆Character Information◆

(1) What pronouns will your character be using? Would you like to list their sexuality at this time?:

Jade is male but I felt like his nature is to be free. This being said I expect he is fine with whatever people perceive him to be. HE can appear both feminine and masculine at times so it really depends on the occasion.

As far as his sexuality, I feel that he holds a fascinating for undefined beauty. He is attracted to beautiful things, beautiful people. He judges the inner realm of beauty and given his experiences I feel like he is an excellent judge of a person’s aura.

With all this being said I plan to write him with they/them and he/him…..if this makes sense.

(2) Any changes or comments? (you might want to change their age, their faceclaim, or maybe a small piece of their history, any alias names. Please read our rules on FC changes before asking for one)

FC: JAMIE CAMPBELL BOWER -- APPROVED

Since he is male, would it be possible to refer to his given name as Jaden but have him go by Jade. I know in the past that Jade was portrayed as a female but I love this idea of an androgynous male approach. -- APPROVED

(3) Why this character? (briefly tell us why you picked this character)

Nature is a beautiful environment. I love the idea of portraying a mortal being enthralled by their surroundings on such a spiritual level. There is a piece in the bio about when they moved to the city and how it was so foreign and scary. I can totally relate to that feeling of too much noise and chaos, preferring a quiet life myself. The part that really snared me in to this bio was the conflict of their magic use. Jade is selfish and by all rights deserves to be with what they have been through, however Exploring the effects on their conscious in regards to their survival. Jade sees the world in the eyes of a nature. A bear will attack anyone who threatens her cubs. Jade will do whatever it takes to protect their business. The circle of life does not only involve peace but a medley of birth life and death. If one accepts good they must accept some form of evil, therefore there is a wealth to be gained by living in the grey area. They justify it by the law of the land rather than the law of man. There is a certain amount of respect for anyone who rises from the ashes of fear and despair to create something good. It doesn’t matter the means in which it was created but the fact that the past taught them how to survive and prosper. (But seeing how this is athoria…..How long with the prosperity really last for the bee keeper?)

(4) Interpret this character: (give us 2 or 3 solid paragraphs (the more the better!) of how you would play this character. Please make sure this interpret is different from any of your interview answers below (nothing duplicated). Some examples: What are some headcanons or troupes you have for them? What type of quests would you like to take your character on in this game? Talk about their supernatural abilities. Tell us about their clan and their role in their clan. How do they fit into their surroundings? Talk about their connections in-game. What are their viewpoints on the monarchy? How do they get along with other supernaturals? Talk about past history of Athoria and how it might contribute to the plot. Etc.)

The setting: Jade’s thoughts on the Latest events

Jade keeps to themselves for the most part but as Athoria changes there is a threat brewing that is beyond their control. All sorts of mysterious occurrences find their way to Jade’s doorstep in one form or another, a warning of things to come? Jade sees the threat in an array of violent ends. The event in Leeds alone was frightening enough. The business was running on borrowed time, magic harnessed to propel them into prosperity. Jade anxiety is on high alert. What will these events mean for their Coven? Can they hide forever or will they have to involve themselves? I believe Jade slips into deep thought about such things, perhaps even experiences panic attacks triggered by the potential of losing what they have worked so hard for.

Theo: Why Jade is so Triggered?

Those memories of Brailston are ones that Jade wishes to place deep in the past. If they could sever them forever they would. Lord Theo is a reminder of that life, that city, and the helplessness that they never wish to feel again. Trapped, cornered, caged; those fears are embodied in the walls of Brailston. Jade doesn’t speak about it but the mannerisms are more than enough to clue others in on the trauma buried within. If Jade sees the man they will slip into silence as they relive the madness. The life of slaving away for the debts of their father was made more difficult at the hands of theo. Maybe not intentionally but the heavy taxes increased the amount of stress in the entire house. Each person was willing to do whatever it took to get out, to escape. Jade had to do many things they would not normally do just to survive the years there. Theo is a reminder of those unnamed deeds.

The Secret Life of Bees: Jade’s relationships

Jade tends to keep within the Coven, their family. Others that have met Jade seem to be put off at first but that is because of their past. Building a working relationship is not easy without magic to quicken deals and make them feel “at home”. Jade likes making people see the beauty around them if only in the form of sampling honey.

Jade finds it difficult to speak at first. They are awkward. Their eyes piercing into anyone straying too close. If it were not for the quality of their honey no one would dare to stray down that beaten path and approach. Once the ice shatters and deals are made there seems to be some sort of appeal that keeps them coming back.

The Bees: Jade finds the hymns of busy bees relaxing and they are the only living things to hear of their experiences in Brailston. Jade enjoys their company.

Carter Perkins: They require honey and they pay well but it is the demeanor that really inspires Jade to do business with them. Their brief dealings always leave Jade with a smile.

The Coven: Jade’s new family.

Fleeing Brailston felt like nothing they had ever experienced. One could not know true freedom until they had been shackled down. It was beautiful until the breath ran out and Jade was at the crossroads. Go home or start anew. The anxiety was not cured at the dropping of their chains. Jade suffered post-traumatic stress. Their magic was nearly uncontrollable from the years of being pinned up in that house. It was the Coven who found them lost and scared. It was the Coven who ministered to their needs and pulled them out of the pit they had fallen into.

The very same coven taught them much about themselves. Jade discovered abilities and peace. Matilda was as a mother in many ways. They knew Jade needed guidance and without hesitation they offered it. For this Jade has forsaken their old family for Matilda and her Coven.

Jade was very pleased to receive their necklace and take up arms with the Coven. When traveling with the Coven or during ritual practice they wear a mask shaped from bone and dyed to resemble a Peregrine Falcon but it is hidden out of sight when not needed. Jade’s objective is to branch out and blend with society.

Good Versus Evil: Jade’s Journal

Every being has a will and a desire. Jade has seen the darkest sides of humanity and they have seen the kindness. Jade fully believes it is not their place to judge the actions of another. Good is subjective as well as evil. It is balance that keeps everything in check.

Observation of Nature has taught Jade many lessons about humanity. In the eyes of the deer, a human is evil for taking it’s very life but in the humans eyes they are only trying to survive. All these thoughts are written in a journal Jade keeps religiously. They err on the side of philosophy, longing to understand the method behind the actions. They are concerned with the reason rather than the act.

“I fled the city without hesitation. I longed for subtle silence, a calm peace. I needed to rekindle the quietness of my youth and so I set out to surround myself with nature, to discover a reason behind my captivity that might bring closer to my continuous blight. Instead I discovered the selfishness of man through the observation of nature. The endless circle of life and death existed before me and it will exist after. I observed birth and death with childlike wonder. Nature gives death meaning, a purpose. Therein lies the most disheartening realization. “ – excerpt from Jade’s Journal

Familiar: Peregrine Falcon (Aja)

Symbolizes: success, victory, and rising above a situation. I believe this fits Jade very well

The Omen: When you see a hawk it is said to be an omen from the divine. It signals a time in life when one needs to focus on the road ahead and prepare for a leadership role.

QUESTS:

Exploring the cities: The Coven has intentions to put feelers out into the surrounding cities. (At least that is my interpretation based on reading the covens page) I also want put put Jade back in Brailston at some point. Jade is reluctant to traverse so far into the hellish memories of Brailston. The city life is not for them. It induces panic at the very least. Matilda (If we ever get her in game) has inspired Jade to face those fears. Realizing that they need to cope to accomplish their duty as a mage in their coven. I don’t think Matilda is forcing this but Jade wants to make her proud. So having Jade venture out of that familiarity is a plan I have. The more of the world they see the more opportunities for advancing the development. It will also allow for much drama stemming out of their Traumatic Experiences.

Vera: It mentions the werewolf as a childhood friend. I would love to expand on this as far as writing with NPCs

Meeting other Gifteds outside of their coven.: I want to throw Jade into a bigger world. Seclusion has only offered up one thought process. I want them to see other areas of the gifted.

◆ Interview Questions

(1) Question One: What’s the worst weather you’ve ever produced? Was it on accident or purpose?

She was truly curious of my abilities. I could sense it in the way her eyes widened. Apparently weather manipulation is quite the feat. A smile graced my features, lips parted slightly as I spoke, “define worst. In nature weather is natural, full of purpose….” I wave my hand around in emphasis but I know what she’s getting at.

“how convenient for your business.”

Her smile matched my own. I felt like a diamond in the rough.

“It works out in my favor.” I did feel guilty but my work was far less devastating than the plagues humanity had brought on themselves with tainted magic. Maybe I was dancing a fine line but there are worse things I could do with the power. “I once caused a frost to throw off a competitors worker bees. I then purchased his colony and combined them into mine. I paid more than what the bees were worth” As if that justified it. My seclusion and my control of weather had my hive flourishing.

(2) Question Two: Are there any other raw ingredients from nature you find easy to work with?

“Besides honey?” I snickered at her question. I could sell honey for anything. It was such a versatile product. It has an indefinite shelf life and could be used for a number of things, like healing.

“Comfrey reduces iflamation, Cadendula contains masses of antioxidants, and Plantain leaves help keep my skin soothingly flawless.” I grinned. Years of botanical experimentation led me to great discoveries.

“I noticed your hands when you shook mine.” She remarked in a way that had my mind spiral back to our first meeting. I looked down for a moment as the memory flooded my mind. My hands were cracked and bleeding, marred from years of hard work. Repulsive. I blinked knowing full well she had purposefully led me into confronting the memory. She believed coping would cure my irrational anxieties, make me more valuable to infiltrate the cities surrounding our secluded Oak.

“You have not accepted the past I see.”

No, I remained in silence until she gracefully stood to her feet and made her way to leave me to suffer in my own devices.

The past never dies and I was in no shape to bury it.

◆Writing Sample:◆

The feel of the string against their fingers, the smell of the fall foliage hanging in the breeze; it was everything they had striven to preserve. The sound of the bow as it obeyed the pull of the string was music to their ears. This instrument accompanied the best musicians of nature. This was their life, living free among the freest. Striving to be at peace and to forget the past but that was far easier said than done. Jade fought back the onslaught of a memory. The finest of clothes came from the hide of kills. Hides fashioned into fancy clothes and leathers for those with a heavy purse. Jade was allotted rags then, dirty cloth unfit for use. Their eyes narrowed, focused on the vital area rather than the anger within. Anger was the avenue of chaos and chaos bred imbalance. Aiming for the kill with purpose, Jade released. The arrow flew true into the vitals of the stag. It grunted, kicked its back legs and sprinted into the underbrush. Fleeing the scene; running from those who might harm them, the stag did not know that hope was lost. Jade knew then that the death would be quick but the animals always fought hard, running on borrowed time instead of lying down to die. Jade believed it to be noble to strive until the bitter end. That very philosophy had gotten them further than any other logic.

Observation was the key. In Brailston they would pass by hundreds of people with ashen faces, the faces of those who were waiting to die rather than living to face death. A vow forged itself then. It was a promise that no matter how bad it got, Jade would fight until death. The days turned to years that shook the grounds of his promise. It was hard then but it got better after they found their home, their peace. Though nights come that still leave the mage with trembling nightmares, triggered by the events left unspoken. Even then they knew for certain that the end of their sentence would come. Day after day until the debt was repaid. They planned it at first as a child believes all things are short. It would only be for a little while. That’s what their mother had said. The promise shattered over many years until the day they stepped out past the walls of Brailston. Jade never looked back and neither did the stag.

Blood droplets coated the leaves and trees. A loud crash signified the end of a life and the beginning of a purpose. Finding the kill, Jade knelt by his side. They whispered thanks and gave the blessing, a ritual. This kill would feed and clothe them. Everything would find a purpose. Jade slipped their falcon mask from their brow. It was unusually warm for fall. Perhaps their manipulation had gone too far. The animal was still clinging to life. It was beautiful in its death. Jade ministered to his labored breaths, laying a hand upon its wounded side. “Your sacrifice is great.” They whispered as they cradled its head in their lap. “It will be over soon. There cannot be new life for your sons and daughters. You have lived many years and now it is their turn.” Jade spoke soft words of comfort. Death was never easy to behold but it was still beautiful. They hoped their own death would be with so much purpose. “I will use your offering, I appreciate what you give. “ The last breath was strained yet poetic. The respect seemed mutual as it should be. The reason they preferred the company of his like-minded companions. “Live free and die well brother.”

#athoria accepted #lsrpg #supernatural rpg #fantasy rpg

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