#i want this to reach as many kids next year lmao its kinda too late for this year

[theyarebothgunshot]

ROSE I AM FREAKING OUT HAVE YOU SEEN THE PREQUEL STUFF???? WHAT IS GOING ON, my god... I was literally about to go to sleep, decided to check Tumblr one last time and see this.... what WHAT!! WHATTTT!!!!!! I don't even know if this is good bad or what but just JENSEN IS PRODUCING A SUPERNATURAL PREQUEL AND DEAN'S GONNA BE THE NARRATOR OR Sth LIKE???? -🐸

YEAH i am normal about this <3 (jk i am also freaking out) welcome to: people screaming to me in my inbox about prequelgate ft. j/2 fallout theory. let's goooo!

Another copypasta and suddenly chaos machine is full on gay I love this prophecy

you know whats funny i just checked the j/2 tag and i feel like for the first time in a long time they are starting to realise that maybe THEY should be the ones who are "gutted" *sips tea*

ROSE HOLY SHIT ROOOOOOOOSE ITS HAPPENING HOLY SHIIIIIT

YEAH

Nevermind just read prequel and well good luck I guess but just you know kind of bleh who wants to watch John Winchester well let’s have hope anyways

i know a lot of people are bummed out but i am kind of very excited actually?? i trust robbie and even though yeah j*hn winchester turned into a nasty abusive bastard, it can be interesting to explore how it all started (imo). it's just the first of many stories they can tell.

I can only accept this circus if it’s Dean telling the stories to his and Cas’ kids and then we have a revival to show that the whole finale was in fact the end Chuck wanted there Jensen I fixed it

i would not say no to this

heyloo bee anon here

um- wtf is happening?

jackles prequel series?? why? i want to be excited about this but sheesh im scared

because supernatural is never dead <3

okay, but, jensen... john winchester ≠ jdm, you don’t have to go /that/ hard for him 🙃

true true... though i am waiting for jdm to comment on this, please i need it

WAIT A SECOND J2 FALLOUT THEORY TRUE??

LMAO HELL YEAH BESTIE

Rose you really picked the worst time to sleep for real

bestie it was literally 4 in the morning, what do you expect from me sdfjsfhsf

I can’t literally can’t we were all right LMAO j2 fallout theory is real and cockles (Misha supporting Jensen) is [gunshots] I’m just laughing cause what the hell is this timeline we’re living LMAOOOOOOOOOO

we would always end up here <3

Do we have the copypaste anons to thank for JP basically confirming the J2 fallout? lol 🦚

yes, everybody say 'thanks annoying idiots!'

ROSE, WAKE UP, COME HERE,

THERE'S A LOT GOING ON FFS

YEAH I KNOW BUT I NEEDED SLEEP

Anticipating that there's going to be a lot of yelling about the prequel on here: I am cackling, but also, I mean, the first time Dean got a look into his parent's past, Cas was the catalyst: literally entered Dean's mind and catapulted him to the 70s. So idk, it's not completely unreasonable to expect some Cas cameos, maybe setting up a parallel timeline since Dean is narrating. What I'm saying is, this is Jackles, he's getting JDM and Misha in on this lmao -Honeymoon Anon

you were right lmfaooo also i fully agree. misha's tweet further cemented that thought for me. he knew about this prequel and i dont think he is cas-baiting us, i think he'll be involved. i'd also be obsessed to see jensen and jdm act together again (though idk who jdm could play seeing as it's a prequel and he is way too old to play young j*hn)

longlivethetribbles heeft gevraagd:

Heyyyyyy bestie, are you SEEING the absolute madness going on right now holy shit

well a little late but I SURE AM BESTIE

bestie wake up pls s16 finale just dropped.

- 🍯

and WHAT a great one it was

I love coming home from work to see all of the chaos unfolding on Tumblr and Twitter. I'm absolutely buzzing right now. I'll probably still be here by the time you wake up and check tumblr 😂 - 🐢

lmaooo and were you still awake?? did you see my freak out??

Oooh bestie wake the fuck up, I know you’re gonna be excited for this one jsnsjsj

god i had SUCH a morning like. it's 12:00 now and all i did since i woke up is check tumblr rip

short summary: jen and dee gain the rights, they post on ig/twitter about a prequel ft john and mary that no one asked for, the fandom loses its everloving shit as usual, they trend on twitter thanks to the beloved twt intern who missed us, misha qt’s jen about cas possibly benefiting from being in the prequel, then j*red qt’s jensen abt how his feelings got hurt by him not being told about a prequel his character as no involvement in & he initially throws a tantrum, and the rest is history - 🦋 anon (ps: i hope this helps a little, i’ve been scattered brained trying to keep up with it all night lmao so pls let me know if i missed anything, bug crew !!)

thank you so much darling i figured it out eventually but this is a helpful summary!!!

I hope you enjoyed waking up to all of this XD -🐢

i sure did!!! also that answers my question about you being awake lmao

I WILL NEVER EVER EVER FORGIVE MYSELF FOR SLEEPING THROUGH ALL OF THIS DRAMA AND NOT EXPERIENCING IT IN PERSON I DIDN'T NEED THIS SLEEP - tea anon

well the party was still going strong this morning so im not TOO "gutted" see what i did there lmaooo

Now that you are caught up with the news... So idk if you remember this but...didn't jarpad tell jackles he was up for a reboot in an online panel? And jackles answered that this was news to him??

-🍯

yeah i think you are right but he was clearly joking and didnt expect jackles to actually be working on something already

J2 anon spare more of those anons let's finish this - tea anon

please, we're having a ball in this bitch

I saw a post on tumblr where someone said now that Kripke gave J&D the rights, maybe they’re starting with a prequel just to end on a reboot in years time and honestly ? I wanna believe that so badly. This is tinhatty but what if this is all calculated in a way that makes it so that Jensen is slowly starting to fix everything that was wrong with spn - now that he has the rights and he’s slowly making spn his own story ?! I mean he did say in his ig post he wants to ‘fill in the rest’ - and maybe Mary and John’s story is only the beginning of spn related content from J&D to come ??? Maybe he wants to give spn the justice it deserves ?? Thoughts ??

i dont think this is tinhatty at all i think this is very possible and not that much of a reach. i could see this happening yeah for sure

want to hear something funny. I found out I had a ruptured blood vessel in my eye because I was sending my friend a video freaking out when the prequel news dropped and I noticed the corner of my eye was red af. and when I got back online jared had tweeted.

DJFHSJD ANON THE CHAOS OF IT ALL, HELP, are you okay? <3

rose.. bestie... how are you feeling about The News? nsfshsf being european is a curse </3 🐞

i feel GREAT im living for it i feel on top of the world tbh (and yeah it really is dsjfhs)

What am I waking up to I can't WHAT I rested my eyes for like 5 minutes help *hits reblog button* - anon anon

yep yep essentially djfhs

“Jensen and Misha are Co workers who barley talk”

I can’t be sure of course but I’m fairly certain that this is the copypasta that brought the j/2 fallout theory back to life. Who’s apparently ‘barely talking’ now? skansjsjsj. It’s almost prophetic, these j/2 anons have superpowers I’m telling ya.

-poker face anon

next time we get one of them we should be thanking them lmaooo

ok, but are we gonna talk about the "When Daneel and I formed Chaos Machine Productions, we knew that the first story we wanted to tell was the story of John and Mary Winchester [...]"-quote because the way this is phrased implies they formed CHAOS MACHINE Productions with the intent of telling this story (first), i haven't been in this dumpster long enough but the name just tickles me in that Misha way, isn't it so sus??? am i missing something???? i mean with this announcement they SURE lived up to that name... 🧩-anon

you are absolutely right, chaos machine SCREAMS misha and we are all here for it!!

hey hey hey. joining the clownverse, there's no way THEE cas girl danneel doesn't know just how much the fandom loves misha and cas. so 2 + 2 = misha in the spn prequel!

AGREED

So I think I finally managed to catch up on wtf happened while I was asleep and my brain melted. What a shit show to wake up to.

Anyway thoughts.

I don't hate the idea of a Mary&John sequel. I think it has the potential to be good (It has the potential to be really bad too, so I'm kind scared).

🕯️🕯️🕯️ manifesting Mary being badass and John being kinda useless🕯️🕯️🕯️

As for the Jensen and J*red thing.

I can see Jensen not telling J*red even if they are still friends, because J*red is kinda good at accidentally telling Secrets. He could have told him right before he announced it so, so that J*red didn't have to find out from twitter. He was on the show for 15 years, he is bound to get asked about it. The public twitter meltdown was really unprofessional so. Like you have Jensen's number J*red. You could have sorted that out in private like a normal person, but instead you choose to act like a toddler throwing a tantrum.

Is it weird that I'm actually going to be kinda that for them if the actually had a falling out, even tho I don't like J*red all that much. They seemed to be really important to each other and while I thought before that the might have triefted apart a bit, I didn't think that the where actively fighting.

- 🐌 anon

the thing is, the polite/normal thing for jensen to do was text him before announcing it on twitter. it's weird he didn't, and that makes me believe that maybe yeah they did have a falling out. especially with the way j*red responded to it on twitter. if he had no other reason to be this upset (no prior beef or falling out) you'd think that he wouldn't be responding like this. on the other hand, the man is a mysterie to me so who the hell knows. i'm not gonna mourn about it if they did/do grow apart because j*red is just.... awful imo.

[terushimas-n1-hater]

Airport fun

How i think flying with sugawara would be like

Character(s): sugawara koushi

Genre: fluff, mabye crack

Warnings: I guess flying on a plane 😐

An: as a person who travels almost every year, I thought this is a fun idea of like how travelling with suga is like :) this is pretty long so uh yeah

Masterlist.🏐

@. ALL CREDITS GOES TO SHOTOSIMP2, DO NOT REPOST ONLY LIKE, AND/OR REBLOG THANK YOU.

• Lets get into itt!!

• lets say that this flight would be in the early morning

• okay I know sugawara would wake you up at like a reasonable time like 3-4 hours before the flight

• like that you both have time to take a shower, eat breakfast pretty quickly then go

• also sugawara would NOT let you pack your stuff at the day of the flight

• like it has to be one or two days before the flight

• he does that to prevent getting late and to have time for yourselves

• if you're like me and you just cant for the love of god sit in one place and pack all your shit

• he's here!! He would help you and mabye even tell you to do something else while he does it for you 😫

• after he's done with you're bag he would ask you if he did anything wrong since there is shows/makeup just general stuff that might ruin clothes

• I also feel like he would watch those "BEST packing tips and hacks 2020"

• if you do use makeup and you put it in same bag as your clothes he would put like?? Plastic thing on top of the clothes and then put the makeup on top so if it spills it doesn't ruin ur clothes.

• its the next morning sugawara already set a bath for your cute ass tehe. Also made breakfast LIKE?? BRO STOP BEING SO HOT ☹

• OKAY so everything is done ur both ready its time to go

• he's the type to go to the airport with his car and park it there and when he comes back he comes back home using hes car that he parked there, so you're both in the car listening to music opened windows and holding hands plz yall cute asf

• OKAY BUT YOU CANT TELL ME SUGA ISNT THE TYPE TO PUT HIS HAND ON YOUR THIGH WHEN DRIVING

• okay here is the fun part

• you and suga arrive ant the airport and you took your bags out of the car and put on the bag holder thing that you move around IDK WHAT ITS NAME OKAY BARE WITH ME

• you go inside this is the 4 time suga had told you to check the passport and the tickets lmao

• when you're both done with all of the passport situation thing and your now both empty handed and all you have to do is wait for the plane

• there is a tiny problem tho

• the plane is going to arrive IN TWO HOURS

• and you both have separated seats on the fucking plane

• suga was kinda freaking out because wtf what if you sit next to some creepy dude?!? Like he knows you can fight and all but he just cant bare the thought

• you calmed him down telling him that its okay and we could tell someone when we DO get on the plane

• because you're main concern is not about if u two sit next to each other or not, its THAT YOU HAVE TO WAIT 2 HOURS TO ACTUALLY GO ON THE PLANE

• You both sit there for a sec and just start to giggle a bit lmao

• okay okay

• You and suga start to go around in these like stores in the airport yk?

• And yall just look at the all the candy and that is so expensive for no fucking reason

• Sugawara is literally laughing at you because you stood there for 10 minutes on and off about how the only chocolate the sell is so expensive

• "😠"

• "💀✋"

• He told if you want it that bad he wouldn't mind buying the box of chocolate for you, And he did

• for "fun" in his words

• And the chocolate tasted like fucking SHIT

• ITS SO BAD DOES NOT HAVE ANY SUGAR ITA JUST CHOCOLATE AND LIKE BARELY ANY SUGAR BRO. DRY NOT EVEN SWEET AND KINDA SALTY LMAOO HELP

• rich people chocolate basically

• AND HE'S JUST LAUGHING HIS HEAD OFF HE CANT KEEP IT IN ANYMORE

• You both didn't know what to do with this hella expensive chocolate box. Like none of you liked it that would be a waste of money

• And sugawara thought it would be better if we give it to A STRANGER on the airport

• Just like that 😕

• He took the box and went to someone that was sitting in a cafe and said hey heres this its a gift. He hands the man a box of fucking chocolate that doesn't even taste like chocolate

• LAMOOO THE MAN THOUGHT IT WAS GOIMG TO KILL HIM BECAUSE IT DOES NOT TASTE LIKE A CHOCOLATE ITS 4:39 IM LINGFIELD SO HARD AT THIS I CANT

• so ya!! You and suga go around more lil candy stores and got like gummy bears and lollipops bc y not

• SO MANY PEOPLE LOOKED AT YALL LIKE THEY HAVE NEVER SEEN GROWN UPS EAT CANDY AND HOLD HANDS EVERRR ITS SO FUNNY

• for my fem readers and anyone with boobies and or ass

• um 😐

• LMAOO when yall were buying candy this dude was trying to hit on u okay AND HE THOUGHT..THAT YOU BUYING CANDY WAS FOR YOUR?? KID?? (There was a kid next to u guys so he thought it was yours)

• SO THAT DUDE CAME UP TO YOU SAYING "ayooo didnt know we have nice milfs in our area..aha 😩" "MILF?" And the problem is sugawara was no fuckin help HE WAS LAUGHING 🤥

• they guy got embarrassed and LEFT AGAGHAHAHA

• okay done for this part

• but yeah you guys eat the candy he also got smothies too!!

• when you were both done you checked the time to see that you both have 50 minutes until the your plane arrives

• and suga thought it would be better to head to the waiting room since less people would be there

• you both were sitting on the chairs where the big windows are in front of them, you could see bags getting transferred and planes.

• you rested you head on sugawaras shoulder, pulling out your phone and headphones giving sugawara the left and you got the right

• you two were sitting looking at the view while listening to 505 (arctic monkeys) sugawara put his right hand around your waist pulling you closer to him

• you could her the whispers and 'aww's from old granny's that were sitting on the other side

• sugawara was rubbing his hand on your waist, he still hasn't realised that you fell asleep.

• when he did, he smiled to himself he moved to kiss the crown of your head until he woke you up by accident

• he told you everything is fine and that you should go back to sleep. he gently pushed you so your head could reach his thighs, before you did you looked around still not alot of people are around so you felt more comfortable

• you rested your head on his lap he starts to smile and play with your head making you fall asleep again.

• you were woken up by sugawaras gentle voice telling you that its time to wake up. You looked around there were more people in the waiting room than before you slept, you looked at sugawara he was smiling at you

• when you got yourself together again you asked suga when its time to get going he said after 10 minutes. You looked in your bag making sure everything is there

• when you closed your bag again you moved around to see sugawara smiling softly while staring at you "your so cute"

• sugawara was talking to the flight attendants asking them if they can change the seats, where they accepted and helped you two get in your shared seats (yes its that easy sometimes)

• God he looks so cute sleeping on your lap like that, his eyes shut with his mouth just open a bit.

• you're playing with his hair, while watching the movie on the mini TV infront of you

• there were a group of girls that sat next to you, and every now and then they would glance at the two of you- actually they were looking at suga

• even one of them wanted to make a conversation with him earlier, but you ignored it all

• although you knew that sugawara koushi, your husband wouldn't hurt your feelings like that

• because the moment he saw the discomfort of your face he immediately tried to end the flirty conversation.

• plus none of the girls were even his type LMAOAOA

[mimik-u]

Flower Child (Chapter 13): Blue (III)

Goodness, I'm nearly a year and a half late, but here we are—Chapter 13 of "Flower Child." First of all, I want to give my sincerest apologies for the delay... I mentioned this at the start of my fic "Facets," but the simplest and truest story is that my muse for writing Steven Universe and, well, writing in general petered out for a long time and has only recently returned. But, because it has recently returned, I wanted to begin to make good on a promise I made to you guys so many months ago—that one day, I would finish this story. So let's do this. <3 I'm ready now. 

(1) I read through the previous twelve chapters, lmao, and half-loved and half-hated my writing, but the point of that exercise, beyond getting acquainted with the plot of "FC" again, was to also do some quick grammar and flow revisions, so a few of the previous chapters should read just a little better than maybe they had before.

(2) Fun fact! Chapter 13 is pretty interesting because some portions of it were actually written over a year ago; it was an incredible challenge for me to work with what I had as a 2019 writer versus what I've learned as a 2020 writer.

(4) Someone asked on Tumblr a long time ago if there was a playlist I worked with in writing this story...

(5) And finally, and most importantly, this chapter is incredibly heavy, dealing with themes of suicidal ideation and extreme depression.

Please be cautious while reading if these are topics that are triggering to you!

i.

The shiny, black town car eased to a stop at the pull-through entrance of the hospital, drawing the gazes of passerby on the sidewalk. An older lady in a wheelchair, a group of what appeared to be college kids in scrubs, a scraggly-looking patient who’d obviously escaped the confines of his room to light a cigarette—they all stopped and stared as the back door of the overtly fancy car was pried open from the inside out, as a metal cane preceded a woman who quite looked like she needed it.

Blue Diamond unfolded into the light of day, trembling.

Because it was hard.

It was so hard.

To be here.

(To be.)

She wanted to collapse where she stood, dissemble and dissolve away one piece of herself at a time; she leaned heavily on the head of her cane and lit upon the sole pair of eyes that weren’t looking at her—or, really, her Lincoln. The man named Greg Universe stood next to the automatic doors with his hands shoved deep into his pockets, staring at the ground, all but boring a hole into it. When the sliding doors opened and closed at his backside, they appeared to be ripping into him, piece by miserable piece.

“I’ll call when I’m ready,” Blue murmured to her valet before shutting the door and slowly hobbling over to Greg.

Clank.

The onlookers glanced away as the town car drove off, resumed their lives and cared not for yet another broken person in their midst. The hospital was full of them as it was. Perhaps they were even broken themselves—very probably they were.

Blue Diamond did not care to know.

Clank.

I’m betraying her, she thought, she was always thinking. I’m leaving her behind. I’m betraying her. I’m—

Clank.

The clanking did the trick, catching Greg’s attention and only half-holding it. He lifted his head slowly and mustered a smile that must have been agony. It wobbled on his lips and very nearly disappeared in his bushy beard. It pulled at him—all over. He looked like a Picasso gone wrong, an abstraction of a man stretched too far.

“Hey, just in time.” He gave a shaky little laugh that rather sounded like a sob and then somehow kept talking, his entire physiognomy alive with his nerves. “Steven’s so excited to see you again. He hasn’t stopped talking about ya since this morning, which is kinda nuts because he was so tired yesterday, but this is a good thing, and so we should really go up and see him now because—”

She cut across him; it was a quiet act, a merciful one. “Greg.”

It was just his name, a singular syllable, a sound, but even that was enough.

Mr. Universe’s face fell into geometric disarray.

“No use hiding it, huh?” He half-wept, half-laughed again, scrubbing a hand over his face and bringing up his shirt to soak up what was left.

“No,” Blue Diamond whispered, her hands tightening on the head of her cane. “It’s scrawled all over you, I’m afraid.”

“Figures,” he said hoarsely. “I’m a mess.”

“No more than I am.” She pried one of her hands away from the other and gestured loosely at her entire body with a wry smile. “If you’re a mess, then I am a dereliction.”

It wasn’t a contest; it was the truth.

Four years of grieving had wasted her.

Blue Diamond was skeletal.

Broken.

Greg took this in and considered; his smile that really wasn’t a smile resolved itself into a quiet, aching sort of frown. It tugged his face downwards; it tugged at the hollows of her chest. She’d seen him only a little over a week ago, and yet today, he looked as though he’d aged a hundred years in the span of eight days. There were bags under his eyes and sunken dunes in his cheeks.

There was a little boy in a hospital bed.

There was a disease.

It was killing them both.

“How do I do this?” He asked the ground. “How did you—” But he stopped short; his breath hitched.

It was a highly personal question after all.

It was no short wonder that Blue’s cane didn’t snap beneath her grip.

“How did I do it?” She returned softly all the same. The slight breeze stirred the strands of hair poking out of her silvery braid.

Greg nodded mutely, the desperation in his face tangible. She could reach out if she wanted and touch his hurt, the very heart of it, and all of its dimensions. (She didn’t want to.)

“To be entirely truthful,” she murmured, “I’m not sure that I ever did.”

ii.

It was nearly one o’clock in the afternoon, and it was also 2:38AM, the very moment when a police officer had the audacity to come to their door and tell two mothers that their daughter was dead, gone, and never coming back. His expression was a gathering bruise, and his words were like bullets, striking right between the ribs.

Blue Diamond couldn’t breathe.

In the darkness, she sat on the edge of Pink’s bed and dragged every mouthful of air inwards like it was painful; her chest heaved with the awfulness of it, the punctured horror of leaking lungs.

Her child was dead.

Oh, God.

Her child was gone.

Why, oh, why, oh, God, my God?

And she was never coming back.

Goddammit.

In the coagulated darkness, Blue clutched her daughter’s favorite sweatshirt close to her chest; it was black and ratty, full of holes and little tears. A small alien logo perched on the chest, grinning up at her from depthless eyes.

They used to fight over this particular number.

Constantly.

“You’re a multibillion dollar heiress.” Blue would pinch the bridge of her nose and try not to raise her voice above an acerbic whisper. “Would it inconvenience you to buy some nicer clothes?”

Pink was unsparing in her retorts, wicked and witty, face upturned in a haughtiness to match her mother’s own. 

“Would it inconvenience you to get off my ass, Mother? It’s just a sweatshirt.”

“Pink!”

And on and on. 

The fabric was cold between Blue’s long fingers, still scented with Pink’s favorite perfume.

They were going to bury her today, mere hours from now.

Last week, they’d been fighting over this shirt.

On and on and never again.

The funeral… mere hours from now… less than three… but how could that also be true when it was only 1:52AM and Pink Diamond was coughing her last, strangled breath on a dirty pavement outside a bar on 9th Avenue?

Blue Diamond hadn’t been there, but she forced the words on the detective’s report to come to life in the theatre of her mind’s eye anyway. By the time the paramedics had arrived, Pink was all but gone; she gasped, and she coughed, and her brown eyes marbled in one final supernova of emotion. They tried to resuscitate her, but the damage was too extensive.

She’d fought back, the officer had said. (He thought it was a consolation to them.)

The proof was caked in her nails and scratched all over her arms, but it’d been three against one.

She was a lion, and they were men; she was a twenty-one year old girl, and they were men.

In the darkness, unraveling, Blue Diamond’s face dripped onto the sweatshirt, onto the alien smiling up at her with a black sliver of a mocking grin. She did not register—she did not care to register—the slow creaking of the door opening inwards.

Amber light strained from the hallway to find and reach and touch her but didn’t quite make it. 

Yellow Diamond was a shadowy figure in the doorway.

“You shouldn’t be in here,” she scolded, and yet, she moved into the room anyway—the hypocrite—her sharp heels muffled in the carpet. Stiff and forbidding, she came to stand in front of Blue, arms crossed over her chest, a frown crossed over her face. “It’s not healthy for you, Bl—“

But Blue cut across her. It was not a kind act; it was a precise incision—cold and surgical—three inches long and just as deep. “Our daughter is dead, Yellow.”

The shadowy figure recoiled but did not bite.

Even now, Yellow couldn’t bear to be seen as vulnerable, couldn’t bear to give one damn inch.

“I know that, dammit,” she muttered to the wall. “Dammit—do you not think I know that?”

But Blue had no pity for her, no shred of any emotion left except for the vicious tangle of grief; it tangled in her fingers, which sunk deep into Pink’s shirt, and it tangled in her cold eyes, leaking down her pale face and salting her anemic lips.

“Then act like it,” she hissed.

The exhortation bruised the air.

It demanded a reaction.

On its hands and knees, it begged for a response.

And yet, the shadowy figure said nothing. She didn't move her clenched fists.

She could not face Blue in the eyes.

Coward.

Hypocrite.

(Mourner.)

(Mourning.)

She simply left, staggering out of the room on precariously high heels, and Blue simply stayed, conflating the hours and the days and the minutes.

Later that day, they buried their daughter in a mausoleum, a gazebo—in a cemetery slathered in golden sun.

iii.

Greg explained the details as best as he could on the way up to Steven’s room. It was hard to find him a kidney because his blood type was O negative, which meant that he would only be able to receive a kidney from a Type O donor. And though he’d been on the waiting list for months now, and though he’d recently been moved to the top of the list given his worsening condition, it was still anyone’s guess as to when a kidney would become available.

(“If,” he could barely choke out, “we can even get one at all.”)

After slowly making their way across an expansive skywalk, they finally arrived at a pair of double doors labeled Truman Ward. The sun pierced through the tall glass windows and lit upon Blue’s sunken face, and Greg’s red eyes, and her metallic cane, and his wobbling lips—as though it was doing them a favor by doing so.

Greg reached behind her and pressed a button on the wall, alerting someone on the other side to their arrival.

“Listen”—he ran his hand along the back of his neck as the doors slowly parted open in welcome—“I’m going to go back to the room for a bit and see if I can get some paperwork done. Feel free to stay as long as ya’d like. Visiting hours don’t end ’til eight.”

Blue stared at him. 

Every moment—every hour, minute, and second with this child was precious nowadays, and here Greg was, lending her time out of his own.

She felt the gift of what he was offering deeply.

(She could have never found it in herself to be so generous with Pink.)

“Thank you.” She swept a stray strand of hair behind her ear. “I… I appreciate you allowing me to visit him.”

But he only shook his head and urged her through the doors with a pinched smile.

“If he’s happy that you’re here,” he shrugged, “then I am, too.”

And with that, he waved a last goodbye, and the doors folded to a close again with her on the other side of them.

Room 11037.

Walking became a monumental task as the clinically white hallway stretched out before her, lengthened by her mind, twisted and contorted into an obstacle she had to surmount.

It should have been just a hall.

Clank.

The memory of Pink burned bright behind her eyelids, stained there permanently by principle but stamped in starkly with assistance from the harsh fluorescents overhead. She was laughing, always laughing, in these flashbulb reminiscences, her freckles coalescing and then expanding across the bridge of her nose like the bellows of an accordion.

Clank.

But it wasn’t just Pink, though it always would be.

Clank.

It was Steven now.

Clank.

A ghost she chased, as opposed to the one who perpetually haunted her (who mercifully, who cruelly stayed.)

Clank.

But he wasn’t a ghost just yet, right? He was still here and still fighting—did that not count for something? Didn't his heartbeat, the very state of its continued existence, teach her to hope?

Clank.

But hope was such an awful word—so empty, brimming with meaningless sensationalism.

Clank.

(Maybe it was the vestiges of her long dead religion, but she wanted to hope anyway.)

Clank.

Hope was such an awful word.

Clank.

Room 11037. 

The door was decisively closed. 

A tall woman with bicolored eyes leaned against it, her dark lips corkscrewed into a frown.

Blue Diamond vaguely remembered her from the cemetery but couldn’t quite place a name. She could place an expression, though, and was surprised to name the one on this stranger’s face as disdain. Disdain rolled off this mysterious woman in waves, from the resolute clench of her jaw to the iron way that her arms were folded across her chest. It burned in her eyes. It seemed to languish inside of her, seething just under a facade of smooth skin.

She was a monolith of quiet loathing.

Blue squared her rounded shoulders in a manner she thought to be composed; her hands trembled on her cane nonetheless.

“You don’t like me very much, do you?” She asked it quite politely, even as the walls were harsh and white around them. She used to command rooms by the authoritative nature of her voice alone, and now she struggled to keep it together long enough to face a singular woman in front of a singular door.

“It’s not you specifically,” the woman replied, impressively put together, admirably composed. If her electric blue eye was cold, the brown one simply burned. Both were bruised underneath with tired shadows. “It’s what you stand for. It’s about the morals that Diamond Electric doesn’t have.”

“You’re an activist,” Blue surmised quickly, almost flippantly. Activists were challenging DE all of the time, and activists were always losing. Before Pink… she’d largely assumed that these sorts of protesters simply had no logical case. After Pink, she had had much more consuming thoughts on her mind than petty lawsuits against their multibillion dollar company.

“A Crystal Gem,” she corrected tersely, “but that’s not what I want to talk to you about.” Her gaze slid subtly to the doorway behind her, and Blue understood her at once.

“Steven,” she whispered.

The woman nodded.

“Steven,” she agreed, and her voice cracked as she said it, splintering into thousands of little pieces and struggling to regroup. When she swallowed to compose herself, it was almost as though she was swallowing the shards. “He likes you, and I can’t… I won’t begrudge him that.”

In the way that she said it, it was almost like she was convincing herself most of all.

“There is an implicit but there,” Blue parried softly. “You won’t begrudge him that, but.”

Again, the woman nodded, the gesture slow and measured, as though she was working something out in the tiny motion. When her squared chin came up again, her mismatched eyes were bright, intense with quiet pain.

“But don’t hurt him.”

It was a reasonable demand, but the implication behind it stung immediately and anyway.

She inhaled sharply and scrambled to defend herself, to salvage the punctured wound, but the damage was already done. Her voice came out more broken than it did cold.

“I wouldn’t dare.”

“Maybe not intentionally,” the Crystal Gem said, shaking her head. “Most people never really intend to hurt someone… but it happens. We get caught up in our emotions. We get selfish. We get distant. And then we hurt people.”

It struck Blue Diamond at that very moment that she hadn’t even deigned to ask the woman’s name.

“So, all I’m saying is don’t hurt him.” She unfolded herself from the door and stepped aside. “He likes you.”

iv.

Two days after the first anniversary of Pink Diamond’s death, a doctor shined a light in Blue Diamond’s glassy eyes and waited for a pupillary response. When he received one—an involuntary but nonetheless reactive blink—he unceremoniously clicked off his pen light and straightened up into the unfriendly darkness once more.

In the sparse incandescence bleeding in from the hallway, Yellow Diamond cut a shadowy figure by his side, her usually tidy hair rumpled from all the times her fingers had become ensnared in it that day.

Her tie was loose, and lines had already begun to etch themselves beneath those hawklike eyes of hers.

Soon, they would become permanent fixtures, marked there by time and age and grief.

For now, though, they were only suggestions.

Hints of what was to come.

(So many sleepless nights.)

(How many haunted days?)

“Well?” Though the CEO tried hard to strangle her voice into a whisper, the sharpness of the syllable was still the loudest sound in the room. Subtlety had never quite been this woman’s strong suit; she wielded her words as though they were gavels to proclaim on the heads of all who dared to cross her path.

“Catatonic depression,” the doctor replied, just as succinctly, replacing his pen in the pocket of his lab coat. “The staring, the lack of movement, the loss of appetite, the elective mutism. All textbook symptoms that point to the fact that your wife is still grieving, Mrs. Diamond. Frankly, I’m worried for her health.”

The shadow on his left scowled at this diagnosis, and she fidgeted, and it was apparent by these two idiosyncrasies alone that she was scrounging deep for some incisive rebuttal against the truth that laid like a breathing corpse directly below her. 

“Then what, pray tell, do you intend to do about it?” Her voice exceeded its former intentions of quietness. “That’s the problem. Now what’s the solution?”

“Well, I admit her to the hospital and start her on an intravenous Lorazepam treatment. It’s a sedative. It’ll assuage some of her anxiety and relax her muscles to prevent spasming.”

“Yes, and then?”

They were talking about her as though she wasn’t even there.

It was a fair enough assessment.

“And then what, Mrs. Diamond?” The doctor stared at her incredulously, shoving both of his hands in his pockets. “With all due respect, I can treat your wife’s physical symptoms from sunup to sundown, but that’s not touching the heart of what is truly debilitating her. She’s grieving, ma’am, and she needs psychiatric treatment beyond what I can provide as a private doctor and you can provide as her spouse. We discussed this the last time I was here.”

“And the time before that—yes, I know,” Yellow Diamond laughed humorlessly, the sound half-mad in her constricted throat. “Because you stand there, like an imbecile, and tell me that there’s no underlying medical cause to this?!”

She jabbed an accusing hand at Blue Diamond, whose oceanic eyes were wide open and unseeing, silent tears slipping from the corners of them and falling sideways across her face. There was an untouched tray of food on her nightstand. There was a lankness in her unwashed hair. There were pill bottles accumulating like a grotesque collection next to the alarm clock.  

And there was an air, an atmosphere, an oppression of silent decay.

The funereality of it was undeniable.

An uncomfortable wooden chair stood next to the bed where Yellow Diamond had been sitting vigil for the past two nights since they had visited the cemetery on the day of the anniversary. 

Blue Diamond’s keening sobs had sliced the autumnal air.

Her daughter was dead.

Gone.

Never coming back.

She stared at nothing, it seemed to Yellow and the doctor; she languished in the visions of Pink that seized across her mind with every dripping second of consciousness. 

“Depression is an underlying medical cause, Mrs. Diamond.” 

The doctor’s voice softened. 

Minimally.

For the first time since the house call had begun, his lanky silhouette jerked a little, as though he wanted to place a hand on the CEO’s shoulder, but thought better of it upon seeing something forbidding in the other’s expression.

“And she’s tired, ma’am. You both are.” Look at you, his rust colored eyes seemed to say. You’re both historical wrecks to a long dead ghost. “You can’t take care of her alone…  moreover, you shouldn’t have to.”

But the doctor had finally overstepped one prying comment too far, and he must have known it immediately, because he took a step back from the golden eyes glowering at him in the darkness of that dusty bedroom.

Yellow Diamond’s entire face transformed, twisting itself into facets of shattered rage.

She was feral.

(Wounded.)

Apoplectic with fury.

(Grieving, she was inconsolable.)

Dangerous.

Goddammit, she was on fire.

“Do not ever deign to tell me what I can and can’t do when it comes to my wife,” she snarled, all pretense of quietness long gone, devoured in the hurricane of emotion. “Get out! OUT!”

“Mrs. Diamond, please—“

“I SAID OUT! OUT!” She shrieked, harshly shoving his shoulder with the flats of her palms. “GET THE HELL OUT!”

The doctor did not need telling again; he fled the room as the force of Yellow Diamond’s dismissal stoned his back.

Blue blinked slowly as a shaking hand suddenly clasped her arm in the wake of the carnage, the imprint of a steel wedding band carving itself into her flesh.

That hurts, Yellow.

She blinked again, the words swelling on her tongue and dying there unrestfully.

That hurts.

v.

The warnings of Steven’s guardian standing sentinel on top of her frantically beating heart, Blue Diamond turned the knob to Room 11037 and pushed inwards until the door reluctantly gave way to a sight she had forgotten to steel herself for in-between the guilt of moving on and the agonizing action of doing so.

Steven himself.

Dwarfed in a hospital bed.

A mere wisp of the boy who had sat with her on the balcony only three days ago and stuffed his face with little chocolate cakes.

Her prodigious mind working far ahead of her paralyzed body, she frantically tried to recall his text from yesterday, what it had said about his condition, if it had indicated anything about his current state at all. But he had only told her that he had passed out and ended up in the hospital again. The boy had said nothing about the extensive tubing and the wires that ribboned and scissored his entire body in streaming colors. Lines crisscrossed each other and tumbled over and under and around his blankets. 

She saw the bottom of an empty catheter bag at the edge of the bed.

And the bruises like angry embers pulsing up his arms.

Somehow, amongst all the other things she was absorbing at precisely the same time, she noticed that next to a vase of elegantly arranged sunflowers, there was an inelegantly arranged tray of hospital food.

Untouched.

He had texted not a word about the yellow pallor of his skin.

He had used exclamation points—exclamation points!—to indicate his excitement.

Blue Diamond could not shake the notion, the very absurd idea, that he had lied to her somehow, had drawn her here under false pretenses.

(This was not the truth. She had estimated at what she was getting herself into and crossed the line into getting herself into it anyway.)

“Hi,” Steven Universe said sheepishly, his cheeks flushing darkly. He was caught, and he knew it. “It’s good to see you again, Blue.”

The seconds dripped between them.

The heart monitor on the wall counted them out.

One…

Blue’s plump lips parted slightly.

Two…

Her hand shivered on the head of her cane until the sound of it rattled the clinically quiet room.

Three…

She couldn’t do this again.

She wouldn’t grieve for another dead child.

One had been too much—one had almost killed her. 

Four…

God, and there were still days where she wondered if it still would.

Without thinking, desperate for relief, Blue turned away and braced her free hand on the door, drawing in harsh, ragged breaths that scratched at her beaten lungs, that bled them anew until they were leaking.

Who was she to believe that she wasn’t falling apart at her seams? How delusional was she to hope that a boy with a flower would be the difference between her saving grace and her inevitable dissolution? Was she so naïve to overlook the contours of his illness and think that his determination would be enough to save him from the eternal truth of this world? Was she so weak?

Death didn't discriminate between the old and the young, the sinner and the saint.

Pink Diamond was only twenty-one years old.

Steven Universe was a child.

“Blue!” Steven pleaded. “Wait, please don’t go. I—”

“I cannot look at you, Steven Universe," she cut across him, her voice low and fractured. Hot tears stood in her eyes, suddenly blurring her hand against the smooth door. “I’m sorry, but I cannot bear to see…”

“Can’t bear to see that I’m dying?”

He didn’t just refuse to mince the word; he stabbed it into her back so remorselessly that she gasped sharply. She glanced down at her chest and half-expected to see it lodged there, poking out, her beating heart speared on its tip.

“People can skirt around the word all they want,” Steven laughed bitterly, “but there’s no other word for it… without a kidney, I’m gonna die soon, Blue Diamond. I’m dying right now. I think I’ve been dying all this time. And everyone… all they wanna do… is look away from me. Pearl, Garnet, my dad…”

He sniffed.

“They keep looking away, and I’m so tired of it… I-I’m exhausted.”

The door felt cold against her palm.

Icy.

On the balcony, two days ago, she accused Yellow Diamond of shoving their daughter away in a drawer with the rest of her useless items.

In an arctic hospital room, Blue Diamond was ready to consign a boy to the same grave her daughter was buried in… 

… but dead children couldn’t talk.

Dead children couldn’t be tired.

They were simply dead.

“So, please, Blue Diamond… please don’t look away.”

The seconds dripped between them.

The heart monitor on the wall counted them out.

One…

Her eyes were wide with the horror of everything, of it all, the senselessness, the depravity, the nihilistic revolutions of this awful, uncaring world.

“I had a daughter once,” she whispered to the door. “Her name was Pink Diamond, and she was… she is… my everything. She had a smile wider than this planet could ever hope to contain… and she very much liked to laugh.”

She had never talked about Pink to anyone other than Yellow before.

Even evoking her name felt like blasphemy.

Two…

A second passed, and no lightning fell from the sky to strike her dead; she supposed her own self-flagellation was the punishment and the eternal damnation alike.

“I looked away. Yellow and I both did. She wanted more from life, and we wanted to contain her life into… into a little box that could fit on the shelf with all our other trophies. She was our accomplishment, you see, our legacy.”

Three…

Blue Diamond’s hand fell away from the door, so she could bring it up to her mouth in a futile attempt to dam the sobs that racked her shoulders.

Four…

“We looked away. The night that she… she—” She couldn’t bring herself to say the word aloud. She wasn’t brave like Steven. “We thought she was in her room, and I didn’t tell her that I loved her that night because we had argued… I thought I’d get the chance the next day or the day after that because we argued all the time. It was normal for us.”

On and on and never again.

When was the last time Blue Diamond had said those three words to her daughter?

These past four years, she had scoured her brain for the answer, but the answer was as elusive as the phrase was from her mouth.

For the simple truth of the matter was that she hadn’t said it very often.

In all her vast intellect, she had always assumed that it was assumed.

Implied.

Understood.

You’ll never let me grow up, will you?

I love you, she could have said.

You’ll never let me grow up, will you?

I didn’t want you to, she would have replied then. I wanted you to collect dust with all the rest of our awards and certificates. I wanted you safe, where I could see you. I wanted to quantify the entirety of your life and itemize the particulars. I wanted you to always be mine.

I love you.

I looked away.

An oxymoron.

A tragedy.

Five…

“So if I look at you, Steven Universe,” she murmured, screwing her eyes closed tightly against the pain, “really look at you, then I have to face that truth again—that I loved someone once… and I looked away… and now she’s… gone.”

And that was the immutable truth of the matter, the conclusion she circled around to no matter how many times the Earth continued to revolve away from the day since Pink Diamond had last existed on this world.

Four thousand revolutions later, and this would still be what it came down to in the end.

Her daughter’s blood was on her hands, staining them crimson, veining her lifelines with the guilt and the awfulness and the unbearable, crucifying shame.

And her daughter’s blood cried out, You’ll never let me grow up, will you?

And every time she so much as looked at her own palms, that was the only echo she saw written across their hollows.

Those last words.

Unanswered.

Unfinished.

Undoing and undone.

Six…

“But… I’m not gone yet,” Steven argued softly. His voice fought to be heard over all the machinery keeping him alive. “I’m here.”

He must have moved because blankets shifted somewhere behind her.

Dead children didn’t move.

Dead children weren’t here.

They were simply—

Seven…

Eight…

Nine…

Ten…

Do it, she commanded herself.

Look at him.

But Blue Diamond was frozen, and she was statuesque; she was a calcification barely anchored on the foundation of her cane. One false move and she would crumble entirely. 

The safest bet on her own survival was to limp away and dare not look behind her lest she turn to salt and dust. 

Someone else could clean up the carnage.

That woman who stood at the door—she’d do it—Greg Universe and the boy’s other guardians, too.

Don’t hurt him, that same woman had also said. He likes you.

Eleven…

Twelve…

Thirteen...

vi.

It was wash day. 

For nearly a year and half after Pink Diamond died, Yellow would force Blue out of bed every few days for a bath or a shower—usually a shower because it was becoming increasingly hard for the CEO to lift her wife in and out of the tub.

Today was a tub sort of occasion, though.

Date night with the Diamonds.

The presence of death was always with them, though, an intrusive third wheel.

With a slight groan, Yellow lowered herself into the warm water behind Blue, steam rising around their naked skin like curling smoke. Once upon a time, this used to be a favorite pastime of theirs, a chance to reacquaint themselves with each other and their bodies… but now the gesture was simply hygienic in purpose, asexual and quiet.

It was always quiet in the Diamonds’ penthouse suite these days.

Silent.

“Is it too hot?” Yellow asked, her voice as gentle as she could wrangle it. Somehow, at the same time, it was still edged with the trappings of harshness. “I can add some cold water?"

She waited briefly for a reply that would never come.

Blue stared limply at her knees, pulled up awkwardly as they were to her chest. Her sensitive skin had already reddened in a couple of places where it was touching the water. There were pink fingerprints wrapped around her armpits where she’d been handled into the tub. 

“I think it’s too hot. You’re getting a rash.” A well-manicured hand flashed out from behind her ear and knobbed the far left tap. There was a quick murmur and then the steady hiss of cold water.

“There,” she humphed satisfactorily. “This’ll feel better.”

The running stream answered its assent.

Blue Diamond did not say a word.

She hadn’t in days now, maybe even weeks; time was irrelevant to her, and the words would not come. 

There was only a dullness in her head, numb and numbing, like an icy compress coiled tightly around her thoughts.

Yellow didn’t think so, but this was better than the alternative; this was the far superior solution to the problem, the pain, and the pervasiveness of the ghost who was their daughter Pink Diamond.

Because when the analgesic of her own catatonia faded, and some of the feeling tried to seep through, her chest would unfailingly tighten, a vice squeezing hard upon her weary heart.

She couldn’t breathe.

Her child was dead.

“I…” 

The sound came from behind her, guttural and choked, as though the speaker was fighting hard against the noise and losing the war.

“I’m so tired, Blue.” 

It was an admission, and it was a copout.

Both of them knew that Blue Diamond wasn’t registering a single word.

She heard them—yes, this was true.

But they came to her—they landed softly—like distant echoes; she did not feel the pain of them, the visceral agony; at the present moment, she did not even feel her own pain, the grief and the scalding water and the grief.

Because it was always the grief she was trying to repress.

Everything else was just ancillary.

“You don’t know, goddammit, you can’t know, how exhausted I am.” Yellow Diamond’s voice shattered in the tub.

And her entire body hitched.

As though to keep that from breaking, too.

“You exhaust me, Blue Diamond. You exhaust me every single day. And you don’t even know it, goddammit. Who are you? What the hell have you become?”

The question was delivered to her backside, where it slipped down her tall, curving spine and into the water, splashing there with the delivery of the tap. With a violence that was almost cruel, Yellow reached from behind her again and flung it back into an off position.

There was quietness then.

It was so still, that it was disquiet.

It was always quiet in the Diamonds’ penthouse suite these days.

Silent.

Blue continued to stare blankly at her knees.

There were red patches on her skin.

Her child was dead.

After a moment’s hesitation, her breath heavy on the back of Blue’s long, slender neck, Yellow Diamond gathered her silvery hair gently in one hand and grabbed the comb on the side of the tub with another.

She was careful as she maneuvered its teeth through damp, lank strands.

She always was.

“I’m sorry,” she said. “I’m so sorry, Blue.”

That was what Blue Diamond’s note would say merely a few months later.

I’m sorry and I’m sorry and I’m sorry.

Love always, Blue.

But that was the crucial thing, wasn’t it?

Sorry was not enough; love was not enough.

Because if love had been enough, Pink Diamond would still be alive. 

vii. 

In a hospital room pierced through with golden sun, Blue Diamond turned around and faced the light of day, her heavy braid swinging along with the slow, deliberate motion. 

She wasn’t looking away, Steven Universe.

She was staring straight at him—at his sunken face and his tubing and at the catheter bag and at the sunflowers.

The boy was dying, but he was not yet dead.

It wasn’t much.

At the very least, though, it was something.

He was not gone, even if he was going.

He was here.

In this moment, in this very ephemeral second.

The heart monitor on the wall attested to that; it counted his heartbeats; it pleaded with her to have hope.

(Hope was such an awful word.)

“Those are beautiful flowers,” she whispered. Her cane clinked against the tiled floor as she carefully drew closer to observe them better.

Their petals were tall and spiky, assaulting the air with attentiveness and regal magnitude.

They vaguely reminded her of Yellow.

With a light finger, she tried to prop up one that was beginning to droop beneath the weight of all its brethren, but the moment she withdrew her touch, it fell again, sighing listlessly. 

Poor thing.

“But not quite as pretty as that hibiscus you bequeathed me.”

Steven’s eyes, edged with the trace remnant of his tears, were wide and dark, full of velvet and silvery stars.

“You don’t still have it, do you?” He asked, incredulous and rather pleased.

He played a little with his hands on top of his blankets. 

He tried to tamp down his hope for an affirmative with an unconvincing casualness.

Blue Diamond’s smile bruised her lips.

“I placed it on my nightstand, sweet boy, so I could look at it everyday.”

It took a second, but the irony of that word choice was not lost on either of them.

viii. 

Yellow Diamond placed the failed suicide note on her nightstand for Blue to see and know that she saw. They didn’t talk about it afterwards.

How could they?

What was there to say?

It remained there for a few days afterwards, shriveled and guilty-looking next to the alarm clock; every time she opened her eyes, she would see it and feel its quiet condemnation. She would close her eyes against its glare and wait for sleep or numbness one to wrestle her into the dark. 

One day, she woke up, and the paper was gone again. 

The realization drew a frown across her wrinkled face.

When she thought about getting up to search for it, and mustered the appropriate will to get out of bed, apparently, many days had passed in the interim.

A month.

She only recognized this upon surveying her bathroom on her way to the toilet; she couldn't find her shaving razor anywhere.

One night—the day, the month, the year undetermined in the abscessed haze of her mind—a dull ache throbbed through Blue’s hip, growing in intensity and sharpness with each passing second that she laid on the wounded area.

There was a part of her, not entirely inconsequential, that invited the pain. For after all, suffering was the only victory the woman had left in the entire world; she wrestled with it nightly, and she embraced it. She made it her new lover and exchanged an oath that only death would do them part. She didn’t shoot herself, or cut herself, or swallow a handful of pills that would surely do the trick.

She laid on her bad hip and convinced herself that she deserved it.

But that night—whatever night that it was—the agony was unbearable, pulling at her all over.

With a groan that wasn’t voluntary, Blue wrested herself into some semblance of a sitting position and looked for her phone so that she could call Livia for an ice pack, but it wasn’t on the bedside table as it usually was… and since it wasn’t in its usual position, she had no clue where she had last left it.

If she wanted relief, she would have to brave the kitchen herself.

She wanted relief, and the guilt of it half-immobilized her.

So she sat there for a couple more minutes still and endured the stabbing ache before finally coaxing herself upwards into the dark night of the bedroom. 

Assuming her cane in one hand, Blue crept silently towards the door and out of it, where the hallway stretched out before her like a cavernous tunnel, all the lights extinguished. 

Even the telltale glow of lamp warmth that usually emitted from the study across the hall was gone out, which meant that Yellow had likely succumbed to sleep on the couch within. 

A twinge of something bothered Blue’s sternum at the thought.

She limped forward anyway and all the same, lifting her cane off the floor to keep from making noise; the wall was her guide in its stead, the pads of her long fingers moving along its smooth planes until she reached the end of the archway, where she immediately intuited that she wasn’t alone.

In the moonlight that wept into the living room through the tall windowpanes, Yellow Diamond was a stark figure sitting on the edge of the couch, leached of all her color. Her blonde hair, her silky pajamas, the leathery musculature of her corded neck—all of it was leveled by blinding whiteness.  

Illuminated.

Vulnerable.

Exposed.

When her wife swallowed, she could see every line in her powerful jaw working through the peristaltic motion. 

In the shadowed hallway, Blue Diamond stood still, even though the sharp pain in her hip demanded attention.

For this  moment, this night, this moonlit haunting did not belong to her—even though most of them usually did.

She understood, somewhere in the mire of her own head, that to disturb this scene would be sacrilege. So she watched, and she waited.

Yellow Diamond was holding something between her sharp, angular hands.

With a jolt, she realized that it was Spinel, a stuffed pink cat who had been Pink’s favorite companion once upon a time. Her left ear was still stained from the tea Yellow had once accidentally dripped on it during a princess tea party.

Washed it though they had—several times over—the spot was stubborn; Spinel had been permanently marked.

“S’okay, Momma,” Pink had only said, grinning up at them both from gapped teeth. She had hugged the toy to her chest. The affected ear brushed against the side of her freckled neck. “That just means she’s one of a kind."

Yellow’s fingers were wrapped around the cat’s plush stomach tenderly; she stared at it from depthless, ancient eyes. 

It struck Blue Diamond—then and there—that she wanted something more from this vignette; she wanted Yellow to say something. Selfishly, she desired a confirmation for what she had already so trenchantly inferred.

She wanted, she desired, she longed, she needed to know that her wife was broken, too.

It was a horrible hunger, an itch that felt terrible to scratch.

But Blue Diamond was voracious.

Sometimes, maybe even oftentimes, she could be cruel.

After a long while, though, Yellow Diamond only placed the cat down on the coffee table and stared out into the irradiated night with her hands templed below her sharp chin, lost in silent thought.

She looked older than she ever had in all of their collected years together.

She was only fifty-four.

ix.

They talked—for a long while—as the sun slipped away from the sky, sunset coming in fragments through the slats in the window blinds. 

Blue Diamond held Steven’s hand, the one that didn’t have so many IVs in it, and rubbed smooth circles against his wrist.

“Pearl does that, too,” he smiled at her softly through hooded eyes when she began. “It’s nice.”

They talked about everything, and they talked about nothing.

He told her about his favorite show, which seemed to be about morose breakfast items from what she could vaguely surmise, and he talked to her, very quietly, about his disease.

It was rapidly progressing, far more quickly than his nephrologist had anticipated.

“Those chocolate cakes we shared on your balcony,” he admitted with the air of a child waiting to be scolded, “I may have accidentally puked them up in your toilet. Sorry..."

“It’s of no consequence,” she returned with a small, sad smile.

And this was very well true.

She wasn’t the one who had to clean it after all.

They talked about everything, and they talked about nothing.

Blue told him about the sunrise yesterday, how all the colors had seeped together in a swirl of delicious color, and she talked to him, very quietly, about Pink.

“In the best of possible ways,” she mumbled, the sound caught in the column of her throat, “you remind me of her sometimes. She smiled at everything, even when there wasn’t exactly something to be smiled about.”

“That’s a very pretty way to put it.” Steven wriggled a thumb from beneath her palm to stay it against the side of her hand.

“Yes,” she nodded gently, “I suppose so.”

When it was time for her to leave—a team of nurses had come in to administer Steven’s evening medicines and check his vitals—she pressed a kiss against his forehead.

Very light and very soft.

“You didn’t look away,” he whispered against her cheek as she withdrew. His breath was sickly sweet with disease. “Thank you, Blue.”

She froze, meeting his eyes.

There was hesitancy, and there was consuming grief.

The scribble of guilt.

Scrawled all over her face.

“I wanted to, though,” she breathed. “If we're being technical... if we're being fair... I think the impulse counts against me.”

“But you didn’t.”

Steven’s chapped lips tilted into the beginnings of a smile.

“And that’s what matters, right?”

She brushed a stray curl off of his clammy forehead and thought about Pink and Yellow and all the things she did and didn’t do.

She loved them.

She looked away.

“Yes,” she told Steven Universe. 

Yes.

x.

Alone, Blue Diamond slowly crossed the skywalk, her silvery hair crowned in all the colors of the sunset, a phone pressed against her ear.

Her cane struck the tiled floor with each shuffled step forward.

Clank.

The dial tone droned rhythmically—bzzt and bzzt and bzzt.

Clank.

She felt her heart work its way up her throat, clambering up its fleshy rungs. The immensity of what she was doing transformed her nervous system into a network of beating, pulsing neuroses.

She was ready for this, and she was not.

She could do this; she half-hoped that she wouldn't receive an answer.

Clank.

And then—

“Blue?” Yellow Diamond’s low voice threw its instinctive panic across the line. “What’s wrong? Are you okay?”

Because this was new.

And yet, achingly familiar.

So many years of having not sought Yellow out—all those weeks, days, and months—were well-established patterns that were not easily overturned and undone.

All those collective hurts—hundreds of them, thousands.

Four years of misery sat between them like four hundred thousand miles.

Blue Diamond swallowed thickly, stopping dead in her tracks as the spillage of people continued to swarm all around her like a package freed of its contents: doctors and patients and sundry other visitors. She was the eye of their storm, and yet, she was just another broken person in the midst of so many other broken people. She was separate from them, and yet, she was their intimate kin. The contradiction seemed untenable, unworkable like all the rest.

Her fingers tightened on the head of her cane.

“I’m… I’m fine, Yellow,” she began. “Please don’t worry. I just had to… I wanted to tell you something. Are you busy?”

On the other end of the line, somewhere in a giant, yellow skyscraper at the edge of Empire City, there was the sharp intake of breath.

And the hesitant beginnings of a fearful reply.

It was a start, though.

And that was what mattered, right?

Yes, Blue Diamond thought to herself.

Yes.

[hazytaezy]

to a tea. (m) ksj

pairing: jin x reader

word count: 3,923 (not proofread because I’ve been sitting on this fic for two fucking months and I can’t wait any longer bsbdfsbdkj. jin in this universe has been consuming mY LIFE.)

genre: doorman jin, really good friends au, pwp (kinda cause I just build a story around (y/n) finally nailing jin lmao), so that being said smuttiness does ensue!!!, humor because once again I do think I am a comedian

warnings: 18+, nsfw, smut, language,

“jin is just your doorman. but he’s also your best friend. and you also want to fuck him.”

The giant spinning door leading into your apartment building was both a gift and a curse. A gift because most people found it too complicated and just decided to not come in. Solicitors, guests, bad dates…the list goes on. A curse because, we because of right now. You’re stood staring at the mound of groceries that had just fallen moments ago from your hands. A lone apple still rolling and rolling farther away into the abyss of the front lobby.

Where the hell was Jin?

Lately, when you needed him most, he was no where to be found. In fact, you felt like he was playing opposites because he actually decided to be there during the most inopportune times. Such as a few weeks ago, when you stumbled in with your blind date. Tongues dancing and hands roaming. You felt yourself press against the front desk and was allllllllmost slipping into a blissful euphoria when you heard a throat clearing. There he was, in all his glory. Jin- the doorman. He peered up at your from his seated position and he didn’t have to say a word, but the smug look across his face told you enough. You were never going to hear the end of it. Ever. It took you a full week and a dozen batches of homemade brownies to convince him to stop teasing you.

The bell on the elevator chimed as you were stuffing stray produce back into your bags. Jin got off, arm linked with Miss Roosevelt’s, grinning down at the elderly woman. She had been living in this building since it was developed in 1945 and made fast friends with everyone who had lived there. You had been over to her apartment many times. Mostly, because the mailman was always confusing her apartment for yours. So, it became a weekly ritual to deliver the swapped mail to each other.

Jin carefully removed his arm from hers and pushed the front door wide open. A strong gust of autumn wind blew through the front lobby. Just cold enough to pull tears from your eyes. You watched as he safely tucked her into a cab and sent her off, waving goodbye.

“You know, you do such nice things, so it makes it hard for me to hate you.” Once he had re-entered the lobby you felt the need to share that thought in your mind. Choosing to channel all of your annoyance in re-bagging your groceries.

“Good evening to you too, (y/n).” He jogged towards the other side of his desk and picked up the apple that was somehow still rolling around everywhere as if it had a mind of its own.

“I would just like to remind you that you are my doorman too. Thank you very much!” Reaching out, you tried to snatch the apple from his grasp. But now he was holding it high over his head. Gazing down at you in enjoyment.

This mood of yours- it was always his favorite. Mostly because of the way you would puff your cheeks out when you got annoyed. It was cute. He always wondered to himself how someone so small could be filled with so much fire.

After running the apple across the breast of his suit jacket, he took a satisfying bite, pieces of it peeking through his smile. “How did you know I liked honey crisps?”

“Lucky guess.” You huffed out. The bags were finally hooked over your shoulders, but you didn’t remember them being this heavy on the way out from the store. And definitely not on the subway. And the four blocks you had to walk to get here.

“Give me those bags.” Jin reached out and pulled them away from your grip. You would usually refuse any additional help from him. After all, he was just the doorman. He was only supposed to open doors and greet you from the lobby. That was it. No where in his job description did it say that he would help elderly ladies to their taxi’s or carry groceries up to apartments. That was just Jin being Jin. But if you really stopped and thought about it. You were much past that point anyways. He had started working at the building just around the same time that you moved in a few years ago. A few “good evening’s” blossomed into a friendship that you would be devastated not to have. He was your best friend. And you practically spent every night with him at his desk talking about your days.

“My hero.” You stuck your tongue out at him as you pushed your floor’s button.

“Don’t forget it either.” He smirked and turned to rest against the railing of the golden elevator.

…………………………………………………………..

To put it in the nicest way possible, it was a shit day. You didn’t see any other way to describe it.

When you came through the door, Jin was luckily speaking with another tenant so he didn’t get to see your puffy eyes and reddened face. Who are you kidding anyways. The fact that you are home early would raise some questions. And after a few hours locked in your apartment, as if on cue, those very questions came.

You wanted to ignore the incessant buzzing of your intercom, but it had been going on for a solid five minutes now.

“What!” You pressed the talk button until your finger turned white. It was meant to come out as annoyed, but it had been hours since you had gotten up off of the couch and you had maybe dozed off a few times. So, it came out as more of a meek and measly statement.

“Come downstairs. I have tea.” The intercom popped and you glanced down at your current state. When you had gotten in the door, you immediately stripped yourself of your bleak work clothes and jumped into the matching kitten pajama set your Mom had gotten you last Christmas.

Jin could be demanding. Who did he think he was talking to? Saying “come down.” And “I have tea.” Knowing full and damn well you would march yourself right down there.

When the elevator doors popped open, he let out a long string of giggles and eventually let himself full on belly laugh. “For your information,” you grabbed one of the mugs he was holding “this is Louis Vuitton.” You pointed towards the gold kittens scattered along your pants.

“No it isn’t.” He leaned back in his chair and lightly blew on the lip of his mug. Smirk blazing as hot as his Earl Grey.

“It could be.” You perched yourself on the top of the front desk and glared down at him over mug.

“So…are you going to tell me why you busted through the doors frazzled this afternoon or am I going to have to bribe you with more tea?”

Your thumb ran over the handle of the mug, catching a drop of tea running down the side. “Well, I was fired so…”

“Oh.” Jin sat up straighter in his chair and began to be a bumbling idiot.

“I’m sorry.”

“Uh..I..that’s awful.”

“What can I…I mean like, is there anything I can do?”

You let yourself crack a smile as you gazed down at him. “Wow Jin, this is the first time I’ve ever seen you tongue tied.”

The first time I’ve ever let you see me this way, Jin thought.

“But really. It’s okay. It wasn’t anything I did. It was budgetary. They couldn’t afford me anymore.” Out of the corner of your eye, you watched as Jin’s hand hesitantly moved towards your own. When you finally looked down at your own, he latched his hand on top of yours and let his fingers trace over your knuckles.

Maybe it was the way he touched you, and it wasn’t something you two did often, but you felt something like a surge go through your body. And so that made you want to reach out and touch his face.

So you did.

And he let you.

He got up to stand and wrapped his arms around you, pulling your face to rest against his head. From the few hugs that you and Jin have shared, this one was becoming your favorite. He smelled like a bookstore, but in the best way possible. New pages, fresh ink. It was one you wouldn’t forget. And the small ministrations he would do when he hugged. The tiny movements of his fingers. The gentle humming. You just wanted to curl up and tuck yourself into the pocket of his jacket.

When you both pulled away, he dropped his hands down to rest next to your thighs on the marble desk. You let your eyes drop down to his lips and your mind wondered for a fleeting moment. It’s not like you haven’t ever thought about kissing him, but this time it was something greater. Almost like if you did, it would magically make all of your problems go away. You thought you might be going crazy. I mean there wasn’t a single chance that he was possibly leaning into you.

So when you hopped off his desk, you peered down at your hands and they were shaking. You stuffed them into your hair to keep them busy. “I’m, uhh, I’m gonna go back up. Bye.” You repeatedly hit the up arrow on the elevator and stepped inside. You jammed the door close button as you watched Jin’s silent frame slide away.

…………………………………………

Well. What now.

You can’t go downstairs. He will be there. And this is what? Your third consecutive day inside.

If your calculations were correct, Jin was up for a night off. And you were never wrong about these things. You couldn’t be. That night was tonight. He usually took an evening off and came back to his post and started a shift for the next day at 12 midnight. This would give you plenty of time to go to the grocery and restock at the tea shop.

At this point, you were two bites away from turning into a pop tart. Seeing as how that’s all you had left from your last grocery visit.

Drops of water kept falling from your hair and hitting the top of your foot. You were too broke to have your groceries delivered, but too scared to go out and get them yourself. You had half a mind to climb down the first escape in your robe. Actually… that wasn’t such a bad idea.

You had your window pulled open, leg rising to step out into the cold city air, when you heard knocks at your door.

Through the peephole you could make out Jin’s perfect head.

What the hell was he doing here?

Upon further inspection, he was not dressed in his usual uniform. More casual. Plus a leather jacket. One that made your eyes linger across his shoulders for longer than they should have.

Before you could even get the door fully open, he was speaking. “Hi. I, umm, I got these.” He lifted four grocery bags that were wrapped around his hands. He also had a teapot tucked underneath his left arm. Wordlessly, you moved to the side, signaling him to come in.

“I have a teapot you know.”

Jin scoffed as he set the groceries on your kitchen table. “You have a glorified water warmer. And it only makes one cups worth of water. You are weak if you brew water for tea and only drink one cup.”

You hadn’t moved from your front hallway. You were too busy taking in Jin’s movements. He carefully took out each ingredient from the bag. You would help him, but your feet felt like they were cemented to the ground.

“Where are your cutting boards?” He turned to face you.

“What?”

“Your curling boards?” He had a smirk creeping up on his face. You wanted to reach out and press your fingers in an action to swipe it away.

“No, I know what you said. But what are you doing? Why are you here Jin?”

He breathed in deep. And you wanted so badly to screw your eyes shut, but you couldn’t pull them away from his frame. In all honesty, you wanted to know every single detail about his days since the last time you saw him. But delving into that conversation would lead you to wonder if he had been thinking about you too these past few days. And was his mind spinning every time he thought of you like yours was with him. Was he playing a round of kickboxing with his stomach when he saw something that reminded him of you? Because you sure were. Every single minute of your days has been Jin. And only Jin.

“I wanted to make sure you were okay. Look, you ran off so fast the other night. And then I didn’t see you for a million years after that. I just wanted to make sure that everything was okay.” Until that moment, it hadn’t occurred to you how Jin felt in that moment on that night. Being left alone sitting at the front desk.

You didn’t know how many rounds of jenga you had been playing, but what you did know is that you were about to win. By the look of Jin’s face, he already knew his fate as well. The jenga blocks came crashing down and a few sprinkled into your empty bowls from dinner. After finally showing Jin where your cutting board was, he proceeded to make what you would call probably the best meal you’ve ever had in your life.

You pulled yourself up onto the couch as he called for you from the kitchen. “Rose or Lavender?”

“Rose!”

You felt a lurch in your stomach at the though of a life with Jin. Him calling out what flavor of tea to brew was so…domesticated. And it made your mind wander on how it would feel to press a good morning kiss to his lips. How it would feel to send him off downstairs and even though you two were apart, just knowing that you were in the same vicinity would be enough.

You snapped back into reality when you felt a warm mug being pressed into your hands. Jin had settles down next to you and you watched him bring the mug up to his lips. A bit of tea tickled down the bow of his lips and your hand was itching to wipe it away.

“So what’s next? Job hunting? Seeing the world? Staying locked in this apartment?” Jin laughed and you took note of the way his eyes would glitter when he was laughing.

“Uhh, well, I think what’s next is probably moving out.” Your hands reached down to pick loose threads on the couch. “I can’t afford this place without a steady income. Plus, it’s the city, you know.” You brought your hands up to your face, because you honestly thought you might cry again. After they had given you the news, you had left work with a bleary, tear smeared face. You had thought you had cried enough tears to fill the river across from the apartment, but in this moment you felt them pricking your eyes once more.

Jin wrapped his arms around your shoulder and brought you to sit closer with him on the couch. For a moment, you let yourself rest against his chest. It felt safe. Like you would wake up tomorrow with a job and how things figured out somehow.

“I’m sorry.” You pulled away to stare up at him. “I didn’t think I’d be this upset. It’s just this place has become a part of me. And things have finally become to feel like home for me. Places…” You hesitantly glanced away from him. Unable to look at him, because even your own mind was coming to terms with this reality. “…even people are home to me here. I’m not ready to give that up.”

………

When you woke up, it wasn’t exactly jarring, but you were having difficulty opening your eyes. You grabbed the clock by the couch and it was well after 12 am. Jin must have left after you sat there practically crying into his arms. The last thing you remember was your head hitting his lap as he held you.

The kitchen was spotless. Almost like they hadn’t just been in here making a mess with dinner. There was a note taped to the kitchen counter. The closer you got, you observed that it had two tan pills with arrows pointing towards it. “Take these when you get up. It will make you have less of a headache tomorrow.- Jin.”

Upon further inspection before he had written the dash, you could make out a loopy “L” written in Jin’s cursive.

It was normal to have your stomach doing flips.

This is what you told yourself.

But the more you tried to fight the thought off, the more it came crashing in like a dam that had broken. Jin was the one you went to when you needed comfort, a laugh, or just someone to be with.

He was your best friend. And you loved him. Or rather you were IN love with him. Both really.

So that was it then.

As your feet padded against the hallways towards the elevator, you were making your mind up. You rarely treated yourself and this was one thing that your mind wasn’t going to let go.

When the door opened to the lobby, you could see him sitting at the front desk. He was hunched over, engrossed in some book, so much so that he hasn’t popped his head up to meet yours.

“Hey.” You tossed your keys on his desk and his head shot up to the sound. You watched as his eyes warmed to the sight of you. Ugly pajamas and all. “(Y/n). Hey.” His tone was just a few steps above a whisper and that only made the gymnastics that your stomach was doing magnify.

“You forgot something upstairs.” You said matter of factly. Wrapping around the corner of his desk, you dove towards his body. Your hands found their way around his neck as you planted your lips right on your target. Much to your surprise, it didn’t take long for him to reciprocate. His hands shot up to grip your waist and pulled you to sit in his lap. You felt your back bump against his keyboard and tipped it off of his desk, but you both were too enraptured in each other.

He pulled you around the corner back towards where you came from. When the bell chimed for the elevator, you were too spellbound by his touch to question what he was doing. The whole ride back up to your place, his hands never left your body. Choosing not to dwell on one place for too long.

Then, so choreographically and perfect, you danced your way down the hall to your place. Tongues peeking. Teeth bumping. Years of underlying want finally bubbling to the surface. While Jin had a gentle demeanor, he was a man that knows what he wants. And in this moment, he is unashamedly relishing in the fact that he has you in his hands.

Many nights were spent wondering what you would look like as he peeled off those damn pajamas. So now, as he’s tracing the waistband of your underwear with his middle finger, he can’t help but stop to take a mental picture. You are rested back with your hair splayed out around your head like a halo. Fitting, he thought, an angel on Earth.

Your hands travelled up to lock around his neck once more, pulling his face closer to yours, not wanting another minute to pass by without your lips on his. He dipped his hands lower past your waistband and ran his index finger past your heat. He looked up to gauge your reaction and rather than speaking, you lifted your hips up to meet his palm, and rocked against it. This drew a sigh of pleasure from you that only drove Jin’s desire for you into greater heights.

It didn’t feel as unknown as you thought it would. As he guided one finger inside of you, your hands instinctively reached up to grip his shoulders. He stopped, fearful that he was hurting you, but it was quite the opposite. “Sorry, it just- it feels so good. I haven’t been touched in a while.” Embarrassment washed over you for a moment until Jin leaned into the crook of your neck, peppering kisses along your jaw. “You’re all mine now.”

He drew his face closer to meet his hand. Peeking his tongue out to run across your most sensitive area. “Jin.” You cooed, coming undone beneath him. Your fingers knotted into his hair as he brought you closer to your high, but not before you tugged his face up to look at yours. “Jin, I need you. I need you to be inside of me.” He snapped back and that was all it took for you to say. He fumbled with his belt and tried not to look like he was going to combust. The fact that you were laying here, asking for him to be in you. He just might burst here and now.

He spread you legs and positioned himself in-between your thighs. Slipping his head back and forth against you, spreading your arousal that was all for him. He liked rubbing against you and ever other stroke you would lift your hips up to meet his hands and he would slightly thrust in with each swipe.

The last time you lifted up, Jin grabbed your hips and thrusted down harshly, making both of her abdomens meet. You laid back against the bed and let him choose the pace as you were just happy that Jin, your Jin, was fucking you.

“You feel so fucking good. Fuck. This is better than I even imagined it would be. So much fucking better.” He panted in-between his words and you were too choked up from his thrusts to reply.

“Fuck. Keep. Fuck… Jin I’m close.” He reached down and rubbed against you with two fingers as both of you came to your highs.

He fell back against your bed and you both sat staring at the ceiling. Trying to catch your breath.

“That was.”

“Yeah.”

Jin turned and wrapped his arms around your waist and pulled you so that you were nestled against his arm. “I hope that you won’t think I’m an asshole, but I really should get back to the front desk.” You giggled and shoved him away, looking for his pants that he had thrown somewhere on the bed.

“No, it was my fault anyways. I came down there and pulled you away.” You held his belt up to him as he buttoned his shirt.

“Please be ready at 10, that’s when I get off and we are going to have a breakfast date in bed.” He stopped short next to the bed. “I mean, if that’s okay with you.”

You grinned up at him and tugged him towards the bed. “I’ll be anxiously awaiting.” He captured your lips and you felt his hand run through your hair and tug on it lightly.

You watched his back as he left and you couldn’t help but feel calm in this moment. Thanking the universe for tea. And for Jin.

[eekal]

some helpful ap review guides!

So I’m taking a couple of AP classes in high school, and I’ve collected a ton of aid docs to help me through the year.

I’ve compiled them all into this one post so you can click on a specific class’ aid doc to help you. I’m still updating some of the tips and tricks, and I will add more as I take more AP classes. [update, May 2017: I’m officially done with high school, so I won’t be adding any more high school AP aid documents, but if people want me to add stuff for other classes, I’ll try!]

IF YOU DON’T HAVE MICROSOFT WORD, tell me so I can put some of the docs on google doc instead.

The more updated version is on my own blog: eekal.tumblr.com/help

More info under the cut

General Tips: It’s extremely recommended that you take the AP exams from previous years. They never repeat questions, but they will 100% repeat concepts and test question styles that they did before. For instance, the WHAP exam will have the same-styled multiple choice questions that question the relationships of civilizations and effects of major events. Always answer every multiple choice question. They take the same amount of points off if you leave it blank and get it wrong. I think they don’t take off for guesses anymore, but it’s always better to guess than leave it blank.

—

AP World History [took in 2015-6]

My own notes that I hope to finish one day (lmao, I only have like 3 chapters done) :  https://docs.google.com/document/d/1zG5qouoO0UQE9_eN0e96c9a73lvYcwPolvTr7UaCISA/edit?usp=sharing // It’s kind of too specific, and covers too much of one chapter. Would not recommend seriously.

I love these docs; this is like the only thing my teacher has ever done for my class:  Useful Websites Maps 2 Know Gigantic Study Material

Chapter outlines for every chapter [using Traditions & Encounters: 5th Edition]: Outlines

Tips: The most helpful thing I’ve learned over the year is that the AP exam at the end is mostly about relationships between cultures/civilizations and the effects of various events. For example, the test won’t ask you the specifics about Columbus’s expedition, but it will ask you what happened because of it [ie smallpox + columbian exchange]. Memorize the big events of each section/unit/period like wars and significant trade routes, so when the test essay asks you what the effects were, you can just pull them out. Be sure to memorize certain photos like what the Hagia Sophia looked like, Mansa Musa, Alexander the Great, architect types, trade routes, what empires looked like in their prime, etc.

They always ask about the biggest changes in each time period:

Mongols

Byzantine Empire

Rome/Han

Salt/Gold Trade Route

Silk Roads

Trans-Saharan Trade Routes

The Great Schism / the start of Protestantism

French / American / Haitian Revolutions

et cetera

Remember, this tip might not work for you as I took the exam in 2016, and I heard that the CollegeBoard is going to change it in the coming years. Moreover, your teacher might present information in a different way for their finals and tests.

AP Calculus AB [took in 2015-6]

https://docs.google.com/document/d/1-D5e4luKNSQkFXBIoOhytmeHraUxpBc2xPq3dJ3K9kE/edit?usp=sharing

This one explains past free response AND multiple choice AP tests from like 1997 to 2015: http://www.askmrcalculus.com/index.html

Tips: Possibly the easiest AP exam. If you know what you’re doing and practiced the past free responses, you should be good to go. It’s really handy to make a notebook with like steps to show how to do each type of problem. Study and fill this notebook out throughout the year, and you’ll be more than ready to take the exam in May.

AP Biology [took in 2015-6]

Honestly, these Enduring Understanding pdfs really helped me review at the end of the year, especially if I didn’t understand a certain topic. It even has book chapters to go back to if I REALLY didn’t know a single thing.

Big Idea 1.A: Change in the genetic makeup over time is evolution. (pdf)

Big idea 1.B: Organisms are linked by lines of descent from common ancestry. (doc)

Big Idea 1.C:  Life continues to evolve in a changing environment. (pdf)

Big Idea 1.D: The origin of living systems is explained by natural processes. (pdf) 

Big Idea 2.A: Growth, reproduction, and maintenance of the organization of living systems require free energy and matter. (pdf)

Big Idea 2.B: Growth, reproduction, and dynamic homeostasis require that cells create and maintain internal environments that are different from their external environments. (pdf)

Big Idea 2.C: Organisms use feedback mechanisms to regulate growth, reproduction, and to maintain dynamic homeostasis. (pdf)

Big Idea 2.D: Growth and dynamic homeostasis of a biological system are influenced by changes in the system’s environment. (pdf)

Big Idea 2.E: Many biological processes involved in growth, reproduction, and dynamic homeostasis include temporal regulation and coordination. (pdf)

Big Idea 3.A: Heritable information provides for continuity of life. (pdf)

Big Idea 3.B: Expression of genetic information involves cellular and molecular mechanisms. (pdf) 

Big Idea 3.C: The processing of genetic information is imperfect and is a source of genetic variation. (pdf)

Big Idea 3.D: Cells communicate by generating, transmitting, and receiving chemical signals. (pdf)

Big Idea 3.E: Transmission of information results in changes within and between biological systems. (pdf)

Big Idea 4.A: The subcomponents of biological molecules and their sequence determine the properties of the molecule. (pdf)

Big Idea 4.B: Competition and cooperation are important aspects of biological systems. (pdf) 

Detailed Lecture Notes!! I used these instead of reading that giant textbook [no diagrams or pictures though…]: Assorted by chapter

Tips: There are no tips to this course. Simply memorize the notes using flashcards and mindmaps. I printed and highlighted the lecture notes during class and went over them again in my own time + looked in the textbook and copied down the diagrams and pictures. Then I rewrote the most important topics with at least one example in each category on a mindmap/flashcard and memorized them before a quiz/test/AP exam. This course is extremely content heavy. The AP exam multiple choice was easy in a sense if you understand the concepts, but the essays were harder in that you had to state examples and explain why things were happening. REMEMBER that there’s a formula sheet on the front of your test booklet [I forgot that and got 2 questions wrong ㅠㅠ]

AP Statistics [took in 2015-6]

Inference Cheat Sheets !

I also have a notebook full of notes that I would scan in, but I would have to rip apart my notebook. However, I will rip it apart in a heartbeat if someone needed it.

Tips: This was a really easy AP exam and class, partially thanks to my wonderful teacher, but if you are having trouble with the concepts and math, look up youtube videos! My friends in different classes did that, and they were perfectly fine on the AP exam.

AP United States History [took in 2016-7]

Content: Bill of Rights / 27 Constitutional Amendments // lol. pretty helpful tbh if you forgot all of your amendments at the end of the year APUSH Review // Teacher recommended me this website; never really used it, though

http://wikibenn.pbworks.com/w/page/78594635/APUSH%20Review APUSH Topics separated by periods // Useful for the periodization topic and as a really good review like right before your test 2015 MC Practice exam

Hooray for huge books: Short outlines [not mine] // also works as chapter notes More short outlines [not mine. download the doc to view the full document] // also works as chapter notes Long outlines [not mine] // more useful for reviewing for tests/ap exam More long outlines [not mine] // more useful for reviewing for tests/ap exam

Essays: 2015  Sample Essays // I basically printed out some essays that I had problems with and analyzed them to see what I would need to include in my essay. For instance, for the periodization topic, I printed out the first essay and highlighted the examples/topics/organization in the essay to see what I would need.  General long essay help Periodization formatting X / example // I didn’t really use this, but it seemed helpful Writing in APUSH review // seems more intensive than the others

Cramming: Very intensive APUSH review  Kinda long APUSH review Brief review of APUSH  Important Supreme Court cases // I’d argue that you don’t even need half of these, but Important Treaties // I’d argue that you don’t even need half of these, but Important Legislation  The Magic years // Incredibly important years/dates Political parties over the years of America  Summaries of all of the POTUS’s

AP Spanish [took in 2016-7]

I, unfortunately, did not take the AP exam for this class, and also I suck booty at spanish ㅠㅠ

AP Physics C [took in 2016-7]

Um, I basically died during the exam, but…

It's extremely recommended that you study for this exam at least 1 month prior, but if you’re like me and chose to wait until the very last 24 hours to study, use these tools to mega cram.

Physics C Equation sheet // Check with this to see if the equation you’re studying is given on the exam or it’s written differently

USE YOUTUBE VIDEOS TO REVIEW! Very helpful in getting the content across and knowing what to do for some situations. Flipping Physics // I love this man? I watched all of his ~16 minute review videos to get the basics of the topics down, but he does forget some important equations/concepts. Don’t worry, I included them at the bottom of this section. I didn’t watch his simple harmonics review video because of the lack of time, so I don’t know what he missed on that video. Dan Fullerton // What a hero. My friend recommended him, so I don’t know the faults of his review videos.

Really simple review of the equations // A little bit too simple in my opinion. This is for if you’re 2 hours away from the exam. Physics review with practice questions // I don’t know if the person writing this website ever finished it, and I’ve only ever looked at the kinematics review, so I can’t really recommend this one over the others. Really simple equations review // Again, really lacking on the concepts. More reviews // I haven’t checked this one out, but it was in my bookmarks. More intensive review // This one looks really intensive, and I appreciate Mr. B for these powerpoints. I should’ve used this one, but I didn’t ㅠㅠ Really helpful review packet (especially the applications of forces) // I mainly used this for the applications of forces pages One month physics C study plan (which I did not have enough time for) // lol. 2D Motion Review  1D Motion Review

Practice exams: 2012 MC Test  1998 MC / FRQ Test  General practice questions

What Flipping Physics forgot: Kinematics/ Certain equations that you can derive for max height / time of flight Velocity and Acceleration relationships- +v, -a / -v, -a / v = 0, a =/= 0 Concept questions for kinematics Momentum/ Types of collisions and associated equations- Elastic equations / Inelastic equations 2D collisions Ice skater-related concept Various moments of inertia for different objects Centripetal motion/ Banked turns- With friction / Without friction , Going from rev/min to rad/s Gravitons / Roller coasters / FBD for speed bumps and top/bottom of a loop on a roller coaster Gravitational/ Binary stars with circular orbits- concepts Orbital velocity formula Single object in ovular orbit and associated equations Binary star physics Basic binary star with circular orbit concept // Unfortunately, I can’t find much on these besides my in-class notes, so message me if you need those. Here’s what I’m talking about for the first one, though. Perihelion vs. aphelion concepts- 1 /  Momentum in gravitational unit- 1 / 2 // There’s also more on this, but they’re in my notes

Tips: Lmaoooooo. That curve is your friend tho. As long as you get a 50%, you’ll get a 5.

Everyone, good luck on your AP exams! I’ll probably only update this on my actual blog page to add more review sheets for more subjects later on

[pssstt, i'd appreciate it a lot if you bought something off this list if this helped you!!]

[hcneymilkks]

NCT Jeno ‘Next Door’

requested by the lovely @jaeminsoftgf ! thanks for requesting Summer and I hope it lives to your expectations! 

Request your own oneshot here!

prompt numbers:

2. SWEATER PAWS AND CUDDLES. “if you don’t grab me a blanket I’m breaking up with you.” “I’m watching Barbie Nutcracker.”

16. Neighbour au in which one gets drunk on mulled wine and ends up knocking at the other’s door, drunkenly trying to seduce the other and - instead - passing out in their living room

Pairing: Jeno x Reader

Genre: Fluff/slight crack 

Word count: 1.5k 

MASTERLIST

So,,,,,, you come home earlier than expected for the holidays and notice that the neighbours beside you have moved out

They lived beside you ever since you were a kid and you were sad because they were an elderly couple who were so sweet

So ofc you get sad and all

BUT

The new neighbour comes rolling in and WTF

He's handsome.....like hella handsome

Meet Jeno. Second-year University student studying medicine

He comes popping to your door to introduce himself and that's when you knew

Uh oh

Fuck no,,,, heart pls skip the love at first sight ahhhhhh

So naturally, you would do what any ordinary person would do, you introduce yourself back and ask if he wants to come in to hang or something

But yet, you're not ordinary and instead slam the door in his face and run up the stairs

"Y/F/N I swear he's hella hot....and I just did a dumb thing."

Mr. Jeno on the other hand,,,, just couldn't get you off of his mind

Like he thought when you get into University, crushes are non-existent

NOPE

Moving into this new neighbourhood made him realize something, he wanted to be friends with you.

 ....maybe even more.

 A few days into break and you're helping your parents decorate.

All I want for Christmas is blasting in your room and you couldn't help but belt out to the song and bust out your "best" dance moves

When I put it in quotation marks I mean like just fist-pumping many times into the air and doing the dab or something

You don't even notice but Jeno is just staring at you like "wtf are you doing woman?" but at the same time, he's enjoying it because he's never seen you like this before

Like come on you barely leave the house anyways

And like once the song finishes you look at your window and SEE THAT THE CURTAINS WERE DRAWN AND YOU REALIZE THAT JENO SAW THE WHOLE THING AND HE STARTED TO CLAP AND LAUGH (even though you couldn't hear it)

You scream and try to close the curtains but Jeno puts up a piece of paper

"you were AMAZING."

You tilt your head and then reach to grab some papers and markers and craft a response of your own

"BRO I AM SO SORRY YOU HAD TO SEE THAT JSJSJSS"

More scribbling, more showing paper.

"LMAO IT'S FINE I GENUINELY ENJOYED IT."

Then you realize that you both are like recreating that one Taylor Swift music video by writing messages and showing each other INSTEAD OF JUST OPENING THE DAMN WINDOW AND TALKING

But its okay because you both get closer for some reason

Even though your hand hurts

And as you scribble down another response, Jeno beats you to it.

"WANNA COME TO THE NIGHT MARKET WITH ME?"

That my friends is how you went on a "date" to the night market

^^ I say date like that because you both don't know it's a date....but it kinda is

Food everywhere, some snow falling, a huge Christmas tree in the center

You both manage to do some Christmas shopping and regret not bringing a bigger bag.

"Jeno help I'm dying."

"okay um....wait,,,, what's your name?"

Smooth Jeno smooth.

But like how else was he supposed to get your name?

"it's Y/N. Now help me."

By the end of the night, your stomachs were filled, and your minds were filled with more ideas of what to do together.

NOT TO MENTION SOME PICTURES THAT YOU SECRETLY TOOK OF HIM

AND LIKE DAMNNNNN HIS SIDE PROFILE SEXY

You both finally got each other's numbers

Contact names:

 Jennifer/Jen NOOOOO LMAO IMAGINE JENNIFER IM CRYING

Y/N/The LOML/DabDab Y/N

Getting closer to Christmas and you both have late night convos and send each other memes

It's like WOOJIN God had sent you a sign like "bitch hello this is the boy for you now take him."

Conversations would be like:

Jen NOOOOOO: Y/N, Y/N, FOR FRICK SAKES Y/N

You: OI YOU ASPARAGUS WHAT DO YOU WANT I'M TRYNA SLEEP

Jen NOOOOOO: WHO U CALLING AN ASPARAGUS?! THAT VEGETABLE IS A STICK AND DO I LOOK LIKE A MF STICK!?!

You: UM......

Jen NOOOOOO: ANYWAYS wanna make snow angles?

Jen NOOOOOO: Angles*

Jen NOOOOOO: Angles*

Jen NOOOOOO: A N G L E S*

Jen NOOOOOO: OHMYGOD ANGLES*

Jen NOOOOOO: SJSJSJSJ NVM

Now we getting to the good tea oof

So it's December 23rd, two days before Christmas

You decide to stay at home cuddled up in a blanket having a movie marathon

And then the doorbell rings and there's knocking

You pause the movie, keep the blanket on like a cape and then open the door

The cold air hits your face before you could see who was there

·It's none other than Jeno

"Um hi?"

"Y/N! MY LOVE! THE LOVE OF MY LIFE! HOW I MISSED YOU!" he funnily walks in and spins around in your living room.

At first,,,, you don't understand...like why is Jeno at your house at 11 pm at night?

Then your phone dings like 10 times

Jen NOOOOOO: IS THIS A Y/N?

You: UM WHO ARE YOU AND WHY DO YOU HAVE JENO'S PHONE?!

Jen NOOOOOO: I'M ONE OF HIS FRIENDS YOU DUMB DUMB AND IM HERE TO WARN YOU THAT JENO JUST LEFT HIS HOUSE TO COME TO YOURS....I THINK HE WANTS TO TRY AND KISS YOU OR CONFESS TO YOU IDK

You: WHO TF U CALLIN DUMB DUMB AND WHY DID YOU LET HIM OUT OF THE HOUSE?

Jen NOOOOO: let's just say he got too drunk and elbowed Haechan in the face while he was restraining him

You couldn't even finish answering when Jeno back hugged you, his breath tingling the back of your neck

You stiffened at the sudden contact and you felt butterflies in your stomach

Oh no

OH NO

"Y/N....let's cuddleeeeee"

Jeno drags you to the couch and awkwardly tries to cuddle you which resulted in him giving up and just standing back up.

"Y/N look at meeeee."

Dammit he's a pouty baby.

He squishes his cheeks and tries to wink and does so many things at once like damn boy calm down.

"Y/N,,, are you a Christmas light? Because you light up my world.

"Y/N,,,, you're the gingerbread to my house."

Jeno stumbles walking closer to you "Hey Y/N,,,, you're sexy, come-" and instead passes out on the couch awkwardly.

You didn't know what to do. But Jeno's snoring made you snap out of your daze and took a photo.

You: WHOEVER HAS JENO'S PHONE PICK HIM UP LMAO HE DIED

Jen NOOOOO: HAHAHAAHAHAHAHAHA......nah

You: WTF

So that's how for the rest of the night you got stuck with a passed out Jeno and cringing at what he kept saying.

There's no way he was into you? Right?

HELL NAH YOU ARE SO WRONG

December 24th, the next day.

Jeno groans and somehow has the hugest hangover.....and realizes he's not in his house.

He turns his head way too fast to see you coming to him with water, some pills and breakfast.

It's like five seconds and the food is already gone...like sir slow down

Jeno feels much better and it's an awkward silence

"um...I'm gonna head out-" "Um...why did you come here yesterday so out of the blue?"

Cue Jeno blushing and stuttering and trying to figure out what to say.

"I uh.....well my friends and I were playing truth or dare and if we didn't want to answer the question we had to drink some wine. Let's just say I didn't answer any questions and I guess my um...heart led me here?"

Awkward silence.

"Oh...wow um I'm flattered? I mean I just didn't expect it....but I also didn't mind it you know?"

So that's how you both just indirectly confessed to each other.

You two didn't waste time putting the labels of boyfriend and girlfriend. Him grabbing a few clothes from next door because he said he didn't wanna be alone on Christmas Eve and Christmas Day.

"And what better way than to spend it with my lovely girlfriend?"

"Lee Jeno if you don't get me a blanket from upstairs I'm breaking up with you."

So what did he do? HE BROUGHT A BLANKET FROM HIS HOUSE LMAOOOO

Also some of his hoodies because of your late-night call confessions.

You: "I want a boyfriend."

Jeno: "excuse me am I not enough for you?"

You: "Jeno." *laughing* "you know what I mean...like I want a real boyfriend. One that I can cuddle all day with and fully call mine...NOT TO MENTION THE FREE CLOTHES LIKE HELL YEAH I WANT THEM FREE HOODIES FROM THE BOY."

When Jeno throws the hoodie and blanket at you, you're confused because you never owned this type of blanket...UNTIL YOU REALIZED THAT THIS IS HIS BLANKET THAT HE SLEEPS WITH.

Yeah you both literally, just call, text and facetime even though you are just one door away from each other.

But who has time to walk LMAo

Okay we getting off track so like back to the present day

So you put on Jeno's hoodie and damn does it smell good.

He notices that you have sweater paws and he just goes all soft and wants cuddles.

"Oh yeah, what are you watching?" he asks as you press the play button.

"I'm watching Barbie Nutcracker."

 For the rest of Christmas Eve you both cuddle under the blanket while watching Christmas themed movies.

And damn you think this might be the best Christmas ever.

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #252

my personal laptop has to be fixed, so therefore i don’t have games to play, so expect plenty of these to pass the time lmao.

Have you ever said something just to see what kind of reaction you’d get? No, not that I remember. Have you ever confronted someone about using too much chat-speak? ??? No??? Have you ever revealed someone’s secret, after promising not to tell? No. Secrets are one thing I'm very serious about respecting. What is one emotion that you experience regularly? STRESS, MOTHERFUCKER. Describe the last major change you made concerning your hairstyle? Lopped it all off, lmao. It's been like, two years now though. Who was the last person to walk out of your life, and why? It feels like my friend Alex. She's kinda just... left me hanging for months. I think she's active online, but not with me, despite reaching out. She's also deleted her b.net account or just removed me from her friends list, idk. Absolutely nothing seems like it would've prompted that, though. Are you less likely to approach people that look/dress a certain way? I was going to say no, but the last person's answer inspired mine to yes; like, I'm not going to go talk to people with some crazy or offensive shit on their shirts, nor am I going to just go walk up to someone covered in blood. Name one embarrassing activity that you take part in? I don't know. Like I say enough I'm VERY self-conscious of revealing I RP, but only because I'm sensitive to how the person will respond. I'm in no way like, ashamed I do it. I'm just terrified of judgment over something "unusual." Ever been told that you can’t understand love due to your age? Not that I remember. I only claimed to "get it" (to my recollection) at a point in mine and Jason's relationship, and I very legitimately would've guffawed at and honestly nearly slapped you if you claimed I "didn't understand" love. What is your favorite Starburst candy flavor? THE PINK ONES. Do you think that you act like yourself while online? I act more like myself online. Have you ever lied about something to get someone to like you? No. Who is the fakest person in your life right now? I don't keep those people in my life. Have you ever laid down in the grass, and made shapes out of the clouds? As a kiddo. When someone’s constantly negative, how do you deal with it? It depends on the person, but ALMOST in all cases, I really really try to support the person as best I can. It may start to bring me a bit down, but I feel I'm just like... hardwired to help those I love. I think it's what my relationship with Jason did, as he left because he couldn't handle my depression anymore, and with how that absolutely and utterly annihilated me, I don't want anyone else to feel that pain. Now, for people I don't have much of a bond with, it's easier for me to say "I'm sorry, but I can't handle this right now," but even then, I prefer to help. Does Christmas make you feel like a kid again? No. I'm really most excited for aunt reasons, lol. Do you have any artistic talent? Some. Would you ever shoplift from a store if you knew you wouldn’t be caught? Absolutely not. When one of your pets dies, how do you react? Usually cry. I've only ever not done so if I hadn't at all formed a bond with the animal. When you go to the movies, where in the theater do you sit? Close to the front, in the middle. When was the last time you lost your appetite? I don’t know. Have you ever neglected to take care of yourself? Er. Quite badly during '16, in the depth of my depression. I'll just say my teeth are kinda yellow because of it. I want to whiten my teeth at some point if I can afford that kind of luxury. The last song/poem/story you wrote - what was it about? In RP, the most recent section being written now is my main protagonists receiving a visit from their allies before getting their asses torn up the next day lmao. After a fight, who apologizes first - you, or the other person? Usually me, but it does depend. If I genuinely feel I didn't do jackshit wrong, no, I'm not apologizing. When you’re feeling creative, what do you do? Write. Do you mind being in your house alone overnight? Not really by now. Done so a number of times. Are there any dreams you remember from childhood? Nightmares, yes, and one very realistic dream. What worries you most about death? Not knowing what happens afterwards. Do you watch really old tv shows or movies from the 1970s or earlier? I love The Munsters, I Love Lucy, The Beverly Hillbillies, and The Addams Family. I'm sure there's more, considering I liked to watch stuff with my mom as a kid. Who’s your celebrity crush(es)? HHHHHHHHHHNNNNNNNNNNNNNNNGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG Ever been to a rave? No. Are you afraid to name the person you talk the most shit about? I don't really do that. Like I'll vent about people occasionally, but "talk shit" seems like the wrong word. I don't like gossiping. Are you a jealous person? Envious, rather, sometimes. I get VERY envious when it comes to photography, but otherwise, I don't feel it much. Who do you text the most out of your friends? Sara is like the only friend I text, lol. What would you do if you saw a complete stranger dealing drugs in public?
 Honestly, call an authority. I don't fuck with that. I'm not watching it happen. How often do you play video games? What are some of your favourites?
 I played World of Warcraft daily until my laptop took a shit. Need to get that fixed. Now I play actual video games very rarely... but mostly just because you can only replay the same ole game so many times before you've had enough of it for like a year. There are a great number of new games I want to play, though. I want a PS4 soooo badly. What are a few things that get on your nerves when it comes to Facebook (or your social networking site of choice)?
 More than anything, posting something that's crying for attention only for the person to be like "ugh I don't wanna talk about it." Then don't fucking post it. What are three things you’ve started to like lately? I feel like I haven't found new interests in a long time... Wait! I do feel The Handmaid's Tale and the Wings of Fire book Sara lent me have revived my love of reading! :') I want to go to the book store when I can and get both the new sequel to THT and the next WoF book. What was the last reason for having butterflies in your stomach?
 *shrug* Do you need a lot of space in relationships, or are you happy to spend a lot of time with your SO?
 I need SOME alone time, but for the most part I love being together. Once we're really close, anyway. What was the last thing you cooked from scratch? Scrambled eggs. Have you ever won anything from those games in arcades?
 Yeah. Funny story, there was this one time my sister won a stuffed duck from a claw machine, and it was the one I wanted after trying many times, and I cried so hard that one of the employees literally got one out for me lmfao. I probably still have it in the attic. When was the last time you went out to a fair?
 Not since right before the breakup. How far is the nearest zoo or wildlife park from your house? Do you go often?
 Like, two hours. We almost never go because of the distance. Are either one of your parents retired? If not, what do they do for a living?
 No. My dad's been a mailman all my life, and Mom is currently on disability because she has cancer and obviously can't work because of chemotherapy and all that. She was a pharmacy tech, though. If you could change one physical trait about yourself, what would it be?
 Can all this weight like vanish please. Have you ever gone out with someone you didn’t like?
 ????? Why would I do that???? Well, I didn't yet like-like Tyler because we hadn't been reunited as friends long enough; dating was kinda like... a dumb way to re-get to know each other? Thank fuck that was only two weeks. Would you ever take a bullet for your significant other? I'm single. Would you ever work at a fast food restaurant?
 No. History shows I can't work with people. Are you good at haunted houses, or do you scream your head off?
 AHHHHHHHHHHH I LOVE!!!!!!!!!!! If you’ve seen it, what did you think of the Twilight movie?
 I never watched them. Have you ever gotten your tongue stuck on a frozen pole?
 No. Are you a cat or a dog person?
 Cat. Does the movie Titanic make you cry?
 Ha ha, yes. I watched it on movie day while at the psych hospital and all of us were lil bitches almost sobbing, lol. Because it's a long movie, it went past our allotted time, but the nurses decided to let us finish it because we were so into it. I do have some good memories from those times... Do you think that fat people should wear skinny jeans? I think people can wear whatever the fuck they want without fear of judgment. Do you prefer game systems like Xbox, or older ones like Super Nintendo? The former. Do you enjoy indie music? Yep! What is the most strange piercing you’ve ever seen? Those ones people were getting on their fingers instead of rings... just huh. What do you do when you’re waiting in line at the grocery store? Look around, I guess. Think. What is your favourite beach to go to? I haven't been to enough to know. Have you ever been to a country club? No. Have you ever seen an animal die in real life? Too many times. Animals have been euthanized in my arms, and a kitten slowly died in my hands once. One of the most heartbreaking things I have ever experienced. Teddy accidentally punctured its lungs or broke ribs, I think, or something like that. I'm pretty sure he was trying to bring it back to its siblings because it wandered off, but he held it too tightly. I was home alone, too. It was fucking awful. Do you live on a Rd, St, Blvd, Ln, Way, or Ave? Road. Do you have naked pictures of someone saved on your phone? No. Would you ever go see an opera? Bitch I played Parasite Eve, I don't trust that shit. But seriously, no, not my scene. Do you own anything John Deere? No. Do you have a push mower or a mower that you ride on? Neither. A friend mows for us; he has the latter. What is the longest amount of time you’ve been stuck in traffic for? No clue. I think during a trip to New York. Would you consider joining the air force, army, etc? No. Who was your first crush and what made them special? This kid named Dylan. I thought he was super cute and cool. What is one thing nobody knows about you because nobody ever cared to ask? I dunno. Who did you idolize growing up? Steve Irwin. Do you believe that we are all here for a reason? What might the reason be? No. Have you ever carved your name or initials into a tree or stone? No. What were your best and worst subjects in school or college? Best: English. Worst: math. Name something you would like to devote more time to seeing or doing. Writing poetry. Drawing. Do you like to get your nails done? No. Do you remember the last movie you saw while on a date? Yeah, IT. Do you like to wear dresses? Hell no with my current body. Do you like any ‘manly’ activities like hunting, fishing, or camping? I find fishing to be fun and relaxing, but because of morals, I can't stomach doing it anymore. What was the name of your first boyfriend? First with the title, Aaron. First *real* boyfriend, Jason. Your first kiss? Jason. Are you still with either of those people from the last 2 questions? No. Have you ever used your bra to hold things like you would a pocket? Ha ha no. I think. What is your longest relationship to date? Three years, 7-8 months. I don't remember if the breakup was in August or September. Who ended the last relationship you were in? It was kinda like... mutual-ish, but moreso her. Have you ever gotten back with an ex? No. Who was your first prom date? Jason. Do you cry during romantic movies? Sometimes. Who was the last person to see you cry? Mom. Have you ever been used? I don't think so romantically, but in other ways, I know I have been. Have you ever felt violated? Yes. Do you like when a guy takes you by surprise and kisses you? Not everyone likes guys, so what an assumption. But anyway, only if we're very serious and have heavy trust in one another. Do you ever leave the house without makeup? Pretty much always. When was the last time someone gave you flowers? Been a few years. What kind of gift can win you over? BITCH buy me something Mark-related and you earn like 20 points. Has anyone ever sung to you? Yes. Do you like massages? Depends on who you are. In almost any case, no. They're awkward. Have you ever been skinny dipping? No. Do you sleep naked? No. Is smoking a turn-off? Yes. Is there a certain tv show you get upset if you miss? No. When was the last time you spent the night at someone else’s house? When I was at Sara's a year or so back. What is one food you always crave? Ice cream. Are you an exercise freak? Hunny- What scares you more, spiders or snakes? Snakes don't scare me, so spooders. Do you expect to be married in the next two years? No. Would you ever get implants? Nah. Have you ever had a crush on a sibling’s friend? No. Have you ever had a crush on a friend’s sibling? No. Are you more of a 'girly girl’ or a 'tomboy’? A tomboy. Have you ever dated someone with a child? No. Are you addicted to texting? No.

[wanna-17]

sisterzoned ft. kang daniel (pt. 2/end)

summary: you’re sisterzoned by your crush the moment you two meet, will you ever have a chance?

length: 2.3k

a/n: PART 2 IS HERE IM SO OVERWHELMED BC PART 1 GOT MORE THAN 100 NOTES THANK YOU ALL SO MUCH!! this is a lil long and i’m honestly unsure how you guys will find this :// so please please send me asks to let me know what you think or just talk to me in general heheh i really hope you guys like this!!!

please read part 1 here if you haven’t already! i also suggest reading both parts to get you in the mood!! 

so continuing on it’s been 5 years and you thought you were over your camp crush on daniel 

however this completely proved to be wrong when you came across a picture of daniel kissing this girl’s cheek 

and your heart felt messed up 

so you decided to REALLY actually move on 

so you started doing a whole bunch of things to distract yourself 

you started to take the initiative in hanging out one on one with friends to catch up 

you watched a lot of kdramas and shows

you helped your parents at home a lot with stuff 

you took your younger siblings on drives and tutored them 

you even managed to go out for a run a couple of times a week 

you were feeling so much better

more happy more refreshed and you were doing things for yourself too

occasionally treating yourself and also trying new things like planting and arranging flowers which you never ever thought you’d enjoy 

you had a party coming up and at first you were hesitant to go 

bc you weren’t close to the girl hosting the party as she was only someone you met through group work 

and secondly it was pretty fancy as it was gonna be like on a cruise and you had to dress up and you were really lazy with that stuff

but you decided hey why not go as there wasn’t much to lose

all you had to do was force yourself to wear a dress and chip in $10 for the birthday gift and you got to be on a cruise, have unlimited food and maybe even make some new friends 

so here you were at this party on a cruise in your dress from a couple years of back that you wore for graduation without any make up on and a purse which had your thongs that could save your feet for the night 

you had small conversations with many people and everyone was generally nice 

people offered you alcohol but you declined as you had to drive home and you also secretly hated alcohol 

so now anyways onto the important stuff

FOOD who doesn’t like free food at parties omg

the food was a buffet style so it was always available and you could get as much as you wanted anytime 

as you were reaching for the salmon i love salmon a girl also reached for the tongs thing to pick up the salmon at the same time as you

“omg i’m so sorry! here you can go first!” said the girl apologetically as she offered the tongs to you 

“ah thanks!” you replied as you took them from her and took some salmon 

you offered to put some on her plate and she was grateful 

then it got awkward as you didn’t have in mind where to go after getting your food and it seemed the same to the girl 

so you decided to strike up a conversation with her bc why not she seemed really friendly 

“hey so what’s your name?” you asked 

“oh my name is yoojung! what about you?” 

“i’m y/n! nice to meet you!”

“nice to meet you too! i’m so glad that you talked to me as i haven’t really met anyone new here” said yoojung 

“oh are you only close with chungha?” lets say its chunghas birthday party on a cruise lol

“no i actually don’t know her...my boyfriend bought me here as a plus one so i thought why not as i love food on cruises” explained yoojung “ahhh this is kinda embarrassing” lets all guess who yoojung’s boyfriend is lmao

you laughed

“you’re so cute and its not embarrassing i would do the same as you if i had a boyfriend that took me to parties for the food” you replied assuring her

you and yoojung bonded instantly due to both your love for food and you really enjoyed talking to her bc she was so sweet and genuine and cute and you guys found out you were the same age too and even swapped contact details 

however for some odd reason yoojung looked a teeny bit familiar but you couldn’t pinpoint from where or what 

you asked her and after comparing primary schools high schools tutoring places and everything there was nothing common but whatever 

you guys continued to chat about other things 

after like half an hour of just chatting suddenly a guy came and snaked his arm around yoojung’s waist and gave her a kiss on the forehead as he said “little kid where have you been?” 

you couldn’t see the guy’s front but his backview somewhat seemed familiar and so did his voice 

but it couldn’t be who you thought it was right?

“stop calling me that omg” said yoojung as she shoved him playfully 

the guy finally turned around and his eyes widened and so did yours

yes it was daniel 

who you’d tried so so damn hard for the past two months or more like 5 years to get over 

and here he was standing in front of you with another girl who was cute and sweet 

yoojung hadn’t yet caught on that you two probably knew each other as he introduced you two “hey daniel, that’s my new friend y/n and y/n that’s my boyfriend that bought me here, daniel” 

daniel suddenly smiled showing his bunny smile that you had not seen in five years and it was still the same

you realised he’d lost some weight, grew taller and had dyed his hair light brown 

“yoojung that’s my younger sister that i mentioned to you before” exclaimed daniel “SIS I MISSED YOU” 

daniel suddenly engulfed you in a hug and you awkwardly stood their frozen hoping that he did not hear your heart burst 

yoojung laughed “omg what a coincidence! that’s so sweet how you guys reunited thanks to me” she clapped her hands happily 

daniel finally let go of you 

“awww y/n its been ages i’m so happy to see you” said daniel 

“yeah me too” you replied awkwardly as you tried to avoid eye contact and keep calm

it was crazy you’d been going out of your comfort zone for the past two months to get over daniel because he got a girlfriend but all that effort had been wasted as daniel and his girlfriend were standing in front of you right now

you were on a freaking cruise so you couldn’t even escape 

“well i need to go to the restroom why don’t you guys catch up?” said yoojung 

daniel gave her another kiss on the forehead and yoojung left smiling at you two 

yoojung was a literal angel you couldn’t even hate daniel’s girlfriend because she was so nice and cute and you guys even swapped contact details 

no wonder she looked familiar as you’d seen the photo on facebook....

and now it was just you and daniel and he had that bright smile on his face 

“y/n let’s go outside to the cruise balcony its so pretty out there!” exclaimed daniel 

you nodded in response unsure what to say 

suddenly daniel placed his hands on your shoulders and started to steer you in the direction of the cruise  balcony 

as his hands made contact with your shoulders you literally felt electricity run up your entire body 

even though the straps on your dress were really thick you still felt your skin crawl up due to the contact 

when you guys reached the cruise balcony he let go of your shoulders and leaned against the railing looking at the ocean and the night sky above

you stood next to him keeping a rather large distance between the two of you 

you looked towards him and couldn’t help but admire his sideview and the way he shone under the moonlight 

but you couldn’t fall for him, you couldn’t be distracted by his actions towards you and the smiles

he had a girlfriend for goodness sake 

you wanted to escape so bad but you also couldn’t help want to spend more time with him like this

the wind was pretty strong and you unconsciously folded your arms in an attempt to keep yourself warm 

daniel glanced over at you as he asked “dont you have a cardigan or something?” 

you shook your head 

please don’t do something that will make me all fuzzy please don’t please don’t you chanted in your head 

too late daniel had already taken off his jacket and he wrapped it around your shoulders 

you felt your cheeks burn up and luckily you guys were outside so he couldn’t see 

“you need to look after yourself” said daniel as you ruffled your hair

you were suddenly getting annoyed

this guy had a girlfriend and he kept doing sweet things to you that made your heart go crazy 

all of a sudden an unfamiliar amount of courage took over you as you shook off the jacket around your shoulders and looked at daniel right in the eye 

“why are you doing this to me?” you asked bluntly

you were so out of character as you were usually the type of person to follow others and endure rather than be straightforward and bring up uncomfortable topics like this

“huh what do you mean?” replied daniel confused as he still had his bunny smile on 

you shoved the jacket in his arms as he looked at you in surprise 

“this, everything that you do to me and say to me. aren’t you dating yoojung?” 

“yeah i am but how’s that related to my actions towards you?” asked daniel still confused 

“have you ever considered how yoojung might feel knowing how you treat me?” 

“she’s fine with it because she knows that you’re my sister -” 

“i’m not your sister and maybe have you thought about how i feel?” 

“wait what...” said daniel as he tried to figure out what you meant “no way...it can’t be what i’m thinking right?” 

“well yes it is” you replied

and then you realised you had basically confessed and never in your imagination would you have expected yourself to confess to someone 

especially in a ridiculous situation like this where daniel already had a girlfriend 

daniel looked at you wide eyed as he was lost for words 

silence filled the atmosphere between you two and you really wanted to run away 

but since you had already embarrassed yourself you thought you might as well make your feelings clear

“look daniel i actually liked you since that camp we met on ages ago and i’ve been trying to get over you ever since i found out you had a girlfriend. i was pretty much over you but it didn’t help that you appeared in front of me like this being all sweet and nice” you let out basically in one breath 

he looked at you in shock “you liked me on the camp?!” 

you bowed your head down in embarrassment regretting everything you had blurted out 

“you know what just pretend i didn’t say anything bye” you said quickly about to leave

“no no wait y/n” said daniel “it’s just that...why do we have such bad timing?” 

your eyes widened at what daniel said resorting in you staying to finish hearing what he wanted to say 

daniel rubbed the back of his neck furiously 

“seriously this is so messed up...” said daniel rubbing the back of his neck “to be honest i liked you at the camp back then too...”

“WHAT” now it was your turn to exclaim and be shocked

“then why did you call me your sister and all that?” you asked

“well at first i noticed you and had the feeling of wanting to protect you since you were like a little kid so i made up the excuse of us having the same last names so i could get to know you better. but i didn’t think i would end up liking you and i thought there was no way that you would like me back...” 

you couldn’t believe it because daniel had liked you back then too...

“and well back then i probably could have told you that i liked you but we were so young back then i was afraid of messing up and also since you were transferring schools it wouldn’t work out anyways so i just kept it to myself and enjoyed my time with you” 

you were speechless you didn’t know how to respond and to take in this new information

you could feel your knees go weak and tears forming in your eyes 

“but well as you know i have a girlfriend right now and i really love yoojung a lot...i’m so sorry y/n...i’m so sorry that it turned out like this and that i misled you i should have been more careful i’m so sorry” said daniel 

daniel felt so terrible 

“no it’s okay it’s not your fault...i overthink and overanalyse everything...” you replied 

“no y/n it’s my fault...but i hope that you can get over me and i’m sure there is someone out there who will love you way more than how much i loved you back then and treat you with sincerity and understand you better” said daniel 

you felt a stab in your heart as tears started to really fall 

daniel took out a pack of pocket tissues from his pocket uh duh 

and instead of wiping your tears which would be his normal behaviour towards you he handed them to you instead

“y/n i know this is selfish of me but it would be nice if you could still be my sister...maybe when you get over me and find a great guy you are always welcome to come and be my sister but it’s entirely up to you” 

you nodded as the tissues soaked up your tears

daniel gently ruffled your hair one last time before walking away 

you watched his back view getting further and further away and he finally disappeared back inside 

fate was so cruel to you 

omg the ending the ending this was my first attempt at angst so i really don’t know ??? but i love daniel sm!! well this is the end of sisterzoned. i think the moral of this story is that timing is pretty important bc here if y/n didn’t have to move schools she probably got to get to know daniel better and that by the end they would be together. feelings can come and go especially when we are young so it’s important to cherish every moment! OH AND PLS LET ME KNOW WHETHER U LIKE THIS WRITING STYLE OR NOT so i know if i should keep doing scenarios in the future i love you all 

ALSO MTLS ARE OPEN SO PLS REQUEST :)

masterlist is here

[detoxdolan]

Another Late Tag

🎀Rules: Answer these 85 statements about yourself, then tag 20 people some of your faves.

I am aware that this is hella long and hella late, but I appreciate being tagged in these things and I love learning about all you lovely people in the fandom.

ALRIGHT LETS GET ITTTTT.

Last: 1. Drink - H2O bro 2. Phone call - I got a phone call from an unknown number while I was at work, so I called back and a random lady with a British accent answered and said she never called me??? 🤔 3. Text message - I’m currently absent from a game, so one of my teammates is filling me in on all the tea I’m missing. Apparently there’s beef between teams. 👀 4. Song you listened to - Praise You by Fatboy Slim (it was in a playlist, let me live.) 😂 5. Time you cried - uhhh Monday (today is Wednesday). So basically two days ago. 😅

Ever: 6. Dated someone twice? - Yes haha 7. Kissed someone and regretted it - Definitely.  8. Been cheated on - stealing this quote from @spiffydolan​ 👉 “technically yes, but really no” 9. Lost someone special - Yes 😳 10. Been depressed - ..Yes. 11. Gotten drunk and thrown up - haha never 😁😁

3 Favorite colours: 12. Neutrals - Black, white, and beige  13. Blue!!! 14. Trendy Colours - so your basic olive green, millennial pink, maroon etc etc 

In the last year (2017) have you: 15. Made new friends - I made this account in December and made so many friends on here that I’m so grateful for every day 😭AND THAT’S JUST ON TUMBLR. I feel like I branched out a lot this year and met so many cool ppl. 2017 was a good year.  16. Fallen out of love - Yes..and tbh it’s one of the worst feelings ever.  17. Laughed until you cried - not something I do often, but I think so. 18. Found out someone was talking about you - haha all the time #TalkShitGetHit 19. Met someone who changed you - Yes.  20. Found out who your friends are - “When people show you their true colours, believe them.” 👉 I feel like we all know the truth about who people are and its just a matter of whether we want to admit it to ourselves or not. There are a lot of people in my life that I know shouldn’t be here but I don’t have the heart to let go of just yet..it’s a work in progress.  21. Kissed someone on your Facebook friends list - uhhhhh probably LOL

General: 22. How many of your Facebook friends do you know irl - tbh, I tried to do a facebook cleanse and remove anyone I didn’t associate with in real life but that lasted for like 2 seconds LMAO 23. Do you have any pets - I have a weenie dog 😊 24. Do you want to change your name - I don’t quite like my name, but I don’t think anything else would match me???  25. What did you do for your last birthday - I went to a club with my 2 best friends and we ran into some friends and celebrated all together. Then I had a intimate little dinner with all my closest friends and family. OH I also cut all my hair off - so I guess there’s that 😂😂 Best birthday I’ve had so far. 26. What time did you wake up today - 7:45 am, even though my alarm was set for 8:45 🙄 27. What were you doing at midnight last night - Sleeping, most likely. Or finishing up a FaceTime sesh with @silly-silly-fangirl​  28. What is something you can’t wait for - Everything and anything involving @silly-silly-fangirl​ #Toronto2k18 30. What are you listening to right now - Teen Rocket by Tigers Jaw (against my better judgement, this is for a music challenge)  31. Have you ever talked to a person named Tom - I..don’t think so? 32. Something that’s getting on your nerves - Haha a lot of things. Uhh lets see: My boss, my friends, negative ppl EVERYWHERE 33. Most visited website - Probably Tumblr or YouTube 34. Hair color - Chestnut Brown. I know this because when I used to colour pictures as a kid with pencil crayon, I would use the Chestnut Brown pencil crayon for my hair. 😂😂 35. Long or short hair -  In the aforementioned birthday question, I cut all my hair off, but its growing back.                                                                                          36. Do you have a crush on someone - Lol I have like..a crush for every occasion. I have a work crush, a school crush, a basketball crush..literally a crush for every place I go.                                                                                   37. What do you like about yourself - Turning Pain into Power, Positivity, and Patience. 4 P’s 🙏

38. Want any piercings? - I was thinking about getting my seconds because literally everyone has so many badass piercings and I dont (my parents would kill me). 39. Blood type - B positive! I got tested at a lil set up at my school for blood donation. DONATE BLOOD YALL!!!! Seriously, you could save like 3 lives from that ish.  40. Nicknames - Ni, Nina, Nitts/Mama Nitts (why), Nids, NiNi, T, Nitty, Littya etc etc 41. Relationship status - Single and satisfied ✌️ 42. Zodiac - Leo ♌ 43. Pronouns - she/her 44. Favorite TV shows - Jane the Virgin, How To Get Away With Murder, Riverdale (these are just recents)  45. Tattoos - Honey....would u put a bumper sticker on a bentley  46. Right or left handed - righty is tighty  ✌️ ✌️ 47. Ever had surgery - I’ve had my wisdom teeth removed, but I wasn’t put to sleep. I had local anesthetic and I was awake for the whole thing, IT WAS FUCKING BRUTAL I cried the whole time the dental assistant had to wipe my tears throughout the procedure lmao  48. Piercings - I have a tongue ring 😜🤘 49. Sport - Cheerleading 🎀 50. Vacation - Tryna reach NOLA for Mardi Gras next year you already knowwww @spiffydolan​ 🎉🎉 51. Trainers - wut

More general: 52. Eating - either way too much or not enough and no in between 53. Drinking - Water. Always water. I got some free coconut water at work though, so I mean that was pretty cool. 54. I’m about to watch - Riverdale? idk I got a lot of shows to catch up on. 55. Waiting for - My new apartment to be ready! 🤗 56. Want - mostly just a bunch of household things for my new place. But also, want @silly-silly-fangirl​ to come visit me in Toronto :( 57. Get married - Yeah, maybe. I gotta find someone to like me first 😅 58. Career - I’ve lowkey always wanted to be a teacher and my entire life has basically been me avoiding becoming a teacher soooo yeah lmao. Right now I’m on the track to Midwifery but I’m? chaning my mind?? idk. 

Which is better: 59. Hugs or kisses - I wanna say hugs cause I feel like you can’t kiss everyone. But the people you can kiss...damn.  60. Lips or eyes - eyes 61. Shorter or taller - I’m not one of those cute, dainty, short girls. I’m 5′6, so taller would be appreciated  😅 62. Older or younger - older 63. Nice arms or stomach - I have neither so 💁 64. Hookup or relationship - Relationship? idk I’m kinda living the single life rn and I’m just chilling so I wouldn’t mind a casual thing here or there BUT WHO HAS THE TIME 65. Troublemaker or hesitant - I’m the best mix of both 😏

Have you ever: 66. Kissed a stranger - Yes 🙈 67. Drank hard liquor - Yes 68. Lost glasses - Probably 69. Turned someone down - Yes 😪 70. Sex on first date - Not...yet? 71. Broken someones heart - Yes  72. Had your heart broken - Yes 😞 73. Been arrested - Nope 😇 74. Cried when someone died - Yes 💔 75. Fallen for a friend - Not a close friend, but yeah.

Do you believe in: 76. Yourself - I do 😌 77. Miracles - Absolutely 78. Love at first sight - Maybe not? Probably more like a significant encounter typa vibe

79. Santa Claus - haha no 80. Kiss on a first date - To be proper, no. Butttt there are def exceptions. 81. Angels - YES 

Other: 82. Best friend’s name - In the great words of Mindy Kaling “Best friend is a tier, not a person.” Butttt @silly-silly-fangirl​ (If u couldn’t already tell) is one of my favorite people on this planet atm. 83. ‎Eye color - Brown? I wanna say hazel, but the twins literally INVENTED hazel w their eye colour and I cannot compete. 84. Favorite movie - Hardest question ever...I always say Zorro 85. ‎Favorite actor - Leonardo DiCaprio? Viola Davis? Robert DeNiro??

Thank you so so much to @spiffydolan for the tag. U da best. 💜💜

Gonna tag some of my favorite blogs at the moment. If you’ve already been tagged/want to sit out of this tag, consider this a shoutout! Thanks for being awesome 😊 @ethandolanakae-tee-wee-tee @laneswervingdolan @pandasaremyspritanimal @broncodolan @silly-silly-fangirl @coconutethan @dolanwaffles

[joplayingjaks]

11 Questions

Always post the rules

Answer the questions given by the person who tagged you

Write 11 questions of your own

Tag 11 people

I was tagged by: @radomthingz! Much appreciated yoo, these are fun and perfect ways to put off homework, jordon approved 10/10 procrastination

1. What are your preferred pronouns?

variations of they/she, but tbh ive been thinking about it lately and im starting to deal with past stuff and adding ‘he’ is starting to sound okay??

2. What are some books that have influenced your opinion on the world?

hooooo boy okay, #RantTime i read pretty much all of the Ender’s Game books and short stories, and then i found out more about the author and i was repulsed lmao he’s kinda icky. but in the books they talk a lot about ‘love thy enemy’ shit and i guess even though i’d rather think i dont relate to the homophobic author of those books, that aspect kinda reached me in a way?? like despite what he was specifically saying in his opinion, i took away that you have to love and know your enemy to truly destroy them, but if you truly love your enemy, they are no longer your enemy? you cant destroy them because you love them?? idk man

3. What was your dream job as a kid?

i wanted to be a veterinarian, ballerina, singer, author-illustrator

4. Do you have any other social media accounts?

so many (follow me on twitter @jakaaroisadork because i can actually access it from home and im trying to use it more. if we’re mutuals here and you follow me there i can def follow you there too)

5. Why did you choose your URL?

i didnt want to be a solely fandom blog and im indecisive so i just mashed my initials and name up and got this

6. What is your favorite planet?

i mean, earth was pretty cool before we fucked it in the ass (its still cool, but we’re making it less cool)

7. Do you own any plant/flowers?

right now i have a little succulent and some african violets. i have a calla lily plant, but we’re gonna dry it out and replant the bulbs in the spring or next year (i really wanna get a shit ton of peonies and just let the bulbs grow wild around our house)

8. What genre of music do you like?

simply put, i mostly gravitate towards different subgenres of rock i guess

9. Have you ever met anyone famous?

depends on how famous we’re talkin. i guess ive had a vague ‘fan’ interaction with a technically national band (wayland) but im not really a follower of their music? other than that i guess not

10. Would you ever want to change your name?

probably not. even though its fucking annoying having it spelled wrong all the time (jordAn ErIn?? naw son)

11. How many blankets do you sleep with?

3 i think

My questions:

1. Fave mode of procrastination?

2. If I were to bake you whatever baked goods your little heart desired, what would you want me to make? (aka give me baking ideas lmao)

3. A song you like that has a weird vibe to it?

4. How do you motivate yourself?

5. Someone who inspires you?

6. Favorite plants/flowers?

7. Make up a silly Aesthetic™ that describes you.

8. What’s something cute you’ve seen lately?

9. Have you ever had an anime crush? If so, who was your first? (delve into your deep, dark weeb past. do it)

10. What languages do you know?

11. If you could alter Donald Trump’s appearance in one way (ie, inverse mohawk, “Putin’s Bitch” tattoo on his forehead, eyes are replaced with lemons, etc) what would you do?

I tag: (if you want to do it) @starsarelimitless, @captainsprklz, @delia-the-snail, anyone who is entertained by the questions i made tbh anyone do this and tag me as tagging you

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #154

“the wind is screaming, it’s screaming your name; it sounds like fear.”

What is your opinion on sex without emotional commitment?  nononononoNONONONO. Last time you puked from drinking?  Never. What books, if any, have made you cry?  Johnny Got His Gun, Old Yeller, The Outsiders (I think; I know the movie did), The Notebook, uhhh others, I'm sure. Does it get annoying when somebody says they’ll call you, but doesn’t?  It depends on the person, but honestly, almost never.  I hate talking on the phone. What is your favorite simple ice-cream flavor?  Usually vanilla, but sometimes I'm all about chocolate, especially if I can't put chocolate syrup on it. When was the last time you slept on the floor?  Jeez, probably when me and Jason did at my house.  I've slept on an inflatable mattress since, but I'm guessing you mean literally on the floor with blankets and such. If you could eat one food for the rest of your life, what would it be?  I dunno.  I doubt it really, but don't potatoes have all the nutrients you actually need to survive?  If so, then probably that, but otherwise, uh.  I dunno, I'd get tired of things or die 'cuz I'm not getting what I need. I could say shakes, but I consider those drinks. Have you ever given someone oral sex?  Yeah, fucking hated it.  I'm bi, yes, but visually, penises are disgusting to me.  I don't want it in my mouth.  I only ever really did it to make him happy.  I'm open to trying it with a girl, but who knows if I'd like it. What's your favorite lyric from the last song you listened to?  "Hey, hey, NRA, how many kids did you kill today?" ("Shelter In Place" by Otep) Are you friends with someone that has a baby?  My best friend does. How many different towns/cities have you lived in?  Three. Have you ever had a kinky dream about a celebrity?  No. How many pets do you have? Would you like any more?  Six, and I kinda want another snake to breed with Venus when she's big enough.  I want to keep at least one of the babies to help with Sara's snake breeding passion. Is there a song you can’t stop listening to atm?  Oh yeesh, yeah.  I've fallen in love with Powerwolf recently and thus play a number of their songs repeatedly. How many bedrooms does your home have?  Two. How many times do you use a bath towel before washing it?  Once.  Annoys the hell out of Mom but like, I feel like there may be leftover germs I'm getting off + maybe dead skin 'cuz my skin in dry as fuck??? What time do you usually eat dinner?  This can vary from 6:00 to like almost 9:00.  I can't cook and Mom works late, so.  I'll make my own microwavable things if I can't wait for her to make something. Do you know any narcissists?  Jason????? Dillon????? dat u???????? Have you ever been falsely accused of something serious?  I don't believe so? In which were you happiest: elementary, middle, or high school?  Elementary. What was your favorite thing to do as a little kid?  Video games. You can bring back one dead pet to life. Which one?  Cali, for Mom.  She misses her so much. Rock, paper, or scissors?  I think I usually do scissors. Who was the last person to ask you out? Girt. What are your favorite pajamas you have? My purple, black, and white Jack Skellington ones ahhh What’s your least favorite ice-cream flavor?  Strawberry is disgusting. Do you prefer it when it gets darker earlier?  NOOOOO.  This is totally inverted from how it used to be, but I'm more likely to feel down when it's dark. Are there a lot of cookbooks in your house, or just a few? Or maybe none at all?  Mom has tons she never uses. Who are your godparents?  I don't think I have any. Can you touch​ your nose with your tongue?​​  No. What brand is your toothpaste?  Crest. Are you currently broken out?  No. What was the last hotel you stayed at? I dunno. Do you have a favorite NASCAR driver?  No. Eyeliner. Yes or no?  If I wear makeup, that's the bare minimum. What’s the hardest decision you’ve ever had to make?  Let Jason go or continue to let what we had ruin my life. Where is the last beach you went to?  Myrtle Beach, NC. Have you ever been rock climbing?  Nah, not interested. Have you ever played Gamecube?  No. What has been the biggest event for you to overcome?  Recovery.  It changed me for the better so much. Do you have a favorite pet?  No one can beat Teddy.  I doubt any pet ever will. When someone drops something do you immediately go and pick it up for them?  If I’m close, unless they're already reaching for it, yes. Could you call your best friend right now and tell them your biggest secret, and trust them to keep it?  HAHAHAHA NO tbh.  I love her, but she tells people everything. Have you ever played Wii Fit?  Yup.  Everyday one summer, lost 40 pounds, got in great shape. Have you ever touched a caterpillar?  Yeah, loved picking up the ordinary ones as a kid. Is there a YouTube channel whose videos you always watch?  I will watch literally any video Mark makes. How often do you feel lonely?  This is like.  Almost a daily struggle. Do you struggle with depression?  I'm diagnosed with it, but it's well-controlled now! While in a relationship, do you ever think about its possible end?  I worry about it BADLY.  Even in my current one where I feel completely secure, I have some spans of "what if" anxiety. What is the worst treatment you’ve had to put up with from someone else?  Ummmm.  I dunno. What’s the longest you’ve gone without eating?  24 hours, probs. Do you like watching music videos?  No.  I just care about the music. Which, if any, drug have you ever abused?  None. Do you know your mail (wo)man?  No. Honestly, are you often high-maintenance/hard to please?  No. Are there any flags flying outside at your home?  No. Will you vote in the next presidential election?  If the remaining candidates don't fucking suck, yes. Tell me about someone that you know dislikes you. What do you think is about you they don’t like?  The one person I know doesn't is my best friend's mom, but I can't tell you exactly why.  There's no telling what Colleen told her after our fight, but.  Colleen has told me her mom thinks I could "hurt" her son somehow.  I was fucking livid.  I adore that boy and would do anything to protect him.  Oh yeah, know she mentioned I was a bad influence, too.  But hey, the hate is mutual, I've never been able to stand her. Tell me about something you’re afraid of. Why does it frighten you?  Getting heartbroken again.  Last time tore me the fuck apart, I seriously don't know if I could do it again.  Worst pain I have ever experienced. Is there someone you could hang out with all the time, without ever getting bored of them?  Sara <3 Have you ever liked someone else when you already had a boyfriend/girlfriend? What happened?  Yup, first high school crush Sebastian.  And nothing really happened; he was taken (though I'm pretty sure he had at least mild feelings for me too), though it was at a complicated point.  Then I met Jason. What mountain ranges have you seen?  The Appalachians. Where would you most like to go in your state, etc that you haven’t been?  THERE'S AN ABANDONED WIZARD OF OZ-THEMED PARK IN THE WEST AND I WANNA VISIT. Have you ever seen or touched an iceberg?  No. Where was the most remote location you’ve ever been to? I dunno. What is your most unhealthy habit? Not exercising? Has your house ever been damaged in a storm? A tree fell on our old house during a hurricane.  It didn't cause severe damage or anything, though. What’s the least amount you’ve weighed since reaching your full height? ~118.  Hilarious. Do you think it’s cruel to keep an animal in a cage while you’re away?  Depends on the size of the cage and how long they're staying in there. Are you scared of reptiles?  Not at all. Does death scare you?  Not that much. Do you use a comb or brush?  Comb now that my hair's short. When you were younger, did you ever do that exclamation point that looked like an upside down triangle and had a really big dot?  No. What kind of relationship do you have with the last person you kissed?  She's my girlfriend. Are there things in your life that you’ll never be able to get over?  If I could get over my breakup, I can get over anything. Have you ever turned to smoking or drinking to solve a problem?  New Years of 2017 I actually did try to get drunk for that purpose. Would you mind dating someone significantly shorter than you?  No. What’s on your bedside table? Yeesh, a lot.  A fan, a basket with all my meds in it, sketchbook, notebook, my folder full of things from Holly Hill as well as my therapy homework folder.  There's other miscellaneous stuff too. How much money would it take to get you to give up the Internet for one year?  This is pathetic, but probably like... no amount.  My life sadly revolves around it, just about. What are some things on your holiday wishlist?  Always tattoo money lmao.  But I'd really love a drawing tablet, but a decent quality one.  Can't have both. Who accompanied you to your first concert?  Jason, Mom, and Nicole. What’s the temperature outside?  Phone says 79.  Gonna get to 90, though. Have you ever been in detention?  Yes, too many tardies getting to school. Do you wear black to look skinnier?  Not for that reason, but it's a plus lol. Do you have scars on your wrists?  You can barely see them, but they're there. How about anywhere else?  Yeah, quite a few. Do you post things on Facebook that are personal?  No. Has the last person you kissed ever taken their shirt off in front of you?  Just to change it. Would you ever get in the passenger seat of a car with someone who’s been drinking?  Fuck that. What is a topic you definitely don’t want to talk about with anyone?  How I'm 99% sure I lost my virginity. What is the craziest hairstyle and color you’ve had?  Style, probably what I had before this where I had short hair on most of my left side and it faded to long.  Color, purple. What was your first gaming console?  Original PlayStation. Which fictional villain is your favorite?  Um obviously Darkiplier???????? What’s the last thing you’ve made with your hands?  Hm.  Dunno. Which hair color would you never want to have?  Yellow. Who’s the last person you talked to about sex?  Sara. What is the wallpaper on your phone?  My lock screen is a heavy reminder that I am still straight as fuck for Mark, home screen is my favorite pic of me and Sara. What was the last thing you wrote down?  Stuff at the tattoo/piercing parlor to get my tongue done. What is your least favorite color?  Puke green or olive. What’s the most boring sport to watch?  Golf.  Sara, don't tell your dad I said that.