#i want to squeeeeeeeze him he's so adorable

[velociheroviridi]

BABY

[yastaghr]

Carried Skeleton 4

A new chapter of Carried Skeleton is up! you can find it here or below:

https://archiveofourown.org/works/17443730/chapters/43931602

Papyrus heard that tell-tale shlop of earth shifting and braced himself not to turn around. He liked Flowey, but he didn’t like having to do the same thing over and over again. Still, he suspected that if he didn’t repeat himself it would get even worse. Much worse.

“Howdy!” Flowey said.

That was Papyrus’ cue to turn around and say, “OH. HELLO THERE. I DIDN’T KNOW THERE WERE ANY FLOWER MONSTERS IN SNOWDIN. ARE YOU NEW HERE?”

Flowey mumbled, “Um, yeah,” then he put on his worried face and asked, “Do you know the small skeleton on the edge of town between Waterfall and Snowdin?”

Papyrus nodded, hiding his confusion in the quick motion. Flowey hadn’t asked about Sans last time. Why would he? He’d met Sans timelines ago.

Flowey said, “I was practicing my trap-making earlier and accidentally caught him. He got hurt.”

“How bad?” Papyrus rushed the end of Flowey’s sentence. Sans had a very low maximum health count and it was too early in the run for him to have stored up much extra from sleep.

Flowey hedged, “Not bad, no, not bad, but I didn’t want him to get worse just because I can’t use healing magic. Can you help?”

Papyrus hesitated. Sans was hurt, he should go, but...they were almost out of groceries. He wouldn’t have anything to feed Sans if he didn’t get the groceries. Welp, he could ask Flowey. He’d asked Flowey to look after Sans while he was stuck in the hospital last run. He didn’t think Flowey had let him down, and this was a lot less difficult, so-

Papyrus asked, “We’re almost out of food at the house. I’ll need healing food for when I’ve finished fixing him. If I give you the money and the shopping list, would you pick them up for me?”

Flowey nodded. Papyrus handed him the shopping list. When Flowey scanned it, he bristled. Papyrus wasn’t sure why, not 100%. It might just be that Flowey didn’t like tomatoes, or that he’d been told about Sans’ smoothie thing last time. Papyrus doubted that. He’d had a theory developing for a few timelines now, a theory that Flowey had some of Asriel’s memories, or even was some kind of twisted remnant of their big brother.

He’d asked Alphys and found out about the flowers from Dad’s garden (thinking about Dad hurt. He missed Dad, and he didn’t understand why they couldn’t go back and live with him). She’d told him about experimenting on them. And Flowey had a lot of Asriel’s mannerisms. Sometimes he knew things he had no right knowing. But Papyrus wasn’t certain, and even when he was, he wouldn’t act unless Flowey chose to confide in him. He hoped he would. The pain from losing his brother and his sibling had never really gone away. Getting one of them back would be worth it.

The crack that sounded in the quiet room made everyone freeze. It was followed by a whimper. Then everyone turned to the sound. Sans, who had been playing over by the bookcase, was now sprawled on his front with a right angle bend in his right femur. It looked like he had tried to climb the shelves, but had fallen down. He was just beginning to pull himself up things and drag himself along them. He wasn’t even walking! How could he have gotten high enough off the ground to break his leg?

Asriel was the first to move. He jumped down from the table. He and Papyrus had been playing with some crayons. He wiped away some tears as he rushed over to his youngest brother. Small, furry hands picked Sans up carefully, trying hard not to jostle the bones.

Papyrus came over as well. He pulled a handkerchief out of his pocket and tied it around the bone fragments so they wouldn’t bleed out. Then he pulled out another and used it to wipe off some of Sans’ tears. He kept wiping as the Asriel started walking off towards the front yard. When they got out, Toriel was trying to coax the now teenaged Chara out of the big tree.

Asriel called out, “Mom! Sans hurt himself!”

Both Toriel and Chara turned. When they saw the blood-stained rag, Toriel immediately ran over and Chara dropped down from the tree. Toriel knelt down and picked Sans up. Papyrus untied the handkerchief and let her see the break. It went clean through the bone. Chara hissed.

Toriel said, “Oh, dear. Chara, can you get me some small, straight branches from the tree? Asriel, you can get me a bowl of water from the sink. Papyrus, can you go get me the red kit with the white cross on it from under the bathroom sink? Good. Now, Sans?”

The little toddler looked up at her, tears in his eye sockets.

“I want you to squeeze my finger. Can you do that? Squeeze it nice and hard. That’s it, now squeeeeeeeze and-”

“hng!” Sans whimpered as Toriel snapped the bone back in line.

She murmured softly in his ear, “Good job, Sans. No more hurting - see? All done. May I heal it now?”

He glares at her, suspicious. She holds her smile. He looks down at his leg, then back at her. Then he nods.

Toriel hummed a quiet little tune as she hovered her hands just above the break. A green, healing fire surrounded the break. It was slightly warm and perfectly safe to stick your hand in.

The Queen frowned as the healing magic fizzled out so quickly. Sans’ leg was still broken. She tried lighting the magical fire again. It slid off the bone. Toriel’s frown deepened. Sans could not possibly be at full HP already, could he? She checked him.

“Sans” “The easiest enemy. Can only deal 1 damage.”

1 LV 1 / 1 HP 90 / 90 MP

AT: 1 (0) DF: 1 (-1) EXP: 0 NEXT: 10

WEAPON: None ARMOUR: None (Injured!)

GOLD: 0

Toriel sat down hard, her head spinning. It felt like the floor was falling out from underneath her. 1 HP. 1 HP. Sans, her adorable, curious little Sans, had a maximum of 1 HP. What had she done wrong? How had she failed him? He’d been with them for only six years, but 1 HP… most children had a minimum of 20. How had he ended up so fragile? Was it all the time he had been unable to eat? Was there something in his diet that he was missing? How could her child have become so low?

“Mom. I brought the sticks. Do you really need them if you’re just going to heal him?”

Toriel turned to Chara, tears in her eyes. “I already did, my child. It seems that Sans has a low maximum HP. Very low. In fact, I have never seen one lower. He only has 1 HP.”

Chara tilted their head. “Um...HP? That sounds like something out of a video game.”

Papyrus stumbled his way over to them with the first aid kit that was a third as big as he was. It was a good thing it was padded, because he dropped it onto the ground without thinking.

Toriel smiled weakly and said, “It is something like that, yes. HP is short for HOPE, which in turn is short for Health Or Physical Elevation. It is a way of quantifying how much physical damage you can take. It is a general rule of thumb that those are healthier have a higher level of HP. You, for example, have 50 HP. Papyrus has 30. Asriel has 60. Asgore and I both have 80. For Sans to only have 1…”

Chara jumped in. “Is there any way to raise those stats?”

“There are a few,” Toriel explained, “Many hotels here have rooms that are spelled to raise your HP levels above normal. Some monsters have them in their homes, too. You can also decrease the amount of damage that you take by working on several other stats.”

Papyrus set down the kit and raised his hand eagerly. “I KNOW THITH-  SORRY. THIS. THE HIGHER YOUR DEF IS, THE LETH- LESS DAMAGE YOU TAKE.”

Toriel patted him on the head and pulled the kit over to her. “Very true,” she said as she unzipped it, “DEF is very important. You can also raise your SPEED to move faster and avoid pain. There is also a stat called INV that I have never fully understood. I believe it has something to do with how long it takes for you to start being damaged? Those last two are more confusing. They are also harder to read, as they do not show up in a standard check.”

Chara narrowed their eyes, looking over their littlest brother. ** They’d tried to learn how to do these checking things, but what came up for them was even less than what came up for the monsters. Their pitiful checks only told them a monster’s ATK and DEF. They couldn’t even see HP. The flavour text didn’t help at all.

Asriel, who until this moment had been occupied with crying, said, “What about weapon and armour? We could get him some of those. They would help his ATK and DEF, at least.”

Toriel looked at him, startled, then smiled and nodded regally. “Thank you, Asriel. I will go rummage in the storage room to try and find him some. I am sure we have an amulet or two that will help. That is very thoughtful of you to say.”

Quietly, to themself, Chara vowed that they would find out more about these stats and find a way to make their baby brother safe.

[killian-whump]

So...Killian's butt looks best in: Leather pants, such as Season 2? The leather-like jeans from Season 4? The black jeans from Season 5-6? The blue jeans in Season 7? Or the black denim in Season 7? Obviously the correct answer is no pants, but aside from that? I might have to vote for Roger's black denim behind as a close second. (And don't tell me his butt looks best all tied up, either! That's a given!) -J

Oh... So many options, it’s making my head spin, and I’m tempted to just stop reading this Ask after the fifth word and say

Yes. Yes, Killian’s butt looks best :D

But alas, I owe you better than that, my dear J... So I shall consider all of these options for you, my dear, because I love you.

Personally, I love a man’s rear (and front and legs and everything) in leather. And that one moment when he’s going up some steps and his sword belt is hanging just right there, like it’s thinking about slipping further down over the curve of his ass, but it stays put and just mooooves with his body, like it’s as entranced with that tight little tush as all the rest of us are and... it’s time for the GIF, isn’t it? Yes, indeed. It’s time for the GIF:

Mmmm. Leather just adds a smoothness and a sinewy look to a man’s bottom and it will always be a favorite of mine. I just... want to press my fingers into it and squeeeeeeeze. I want to run ice cubes along those curves, leaving little trails of water and sensation behind. I want to bite it, for gods’ sakes. Maybe a little spank, as well. Gods above, that ass is divine.

Please forgive me, my dear J, but that is truly the butt of champions and it makes me FEEL things and I get a little carried away by it.

Click the link below to see my thoughts on the other looks...

Now I am nothing if not an honest woman, and our precious bean sprout has a rather small butt (a delectable and beautiful butt, mind you all, but one on the smaller side) that doesn’t always fill out the pants he’s wearing... and it drives me absolutely batty.

Like, the GIF above absolutely demonstrates that it is possible to dress this man in pants that hug his tight little backside and highlight it’s lean and adorable contours perfectly. And yet, too many of the denim looks the show put him in do this to his butt:

Now, we know he has a lovely little ass, but those pants aren’t exactly... flattering it. They kinda make his butt look flat and shapeless, which we know it isn’t, of course, but looks can be deceiving, and this show repeatedly opted for fashion trends (super skinny jeans) over what’s most flattering on the man’s body (anything but super skinny jeans). Colin is a lean guy and, dare I say it, he’s got skinny legs. Super tight, leggings-like jeans aren’t really a good idea for guys with skinnier legs. They look better in relaxed fit jeans that hug all the right places (hips, butt, groin), but allow the eye to assume greater mass for each leg than there may be in actuality. Instead, this damn show opted to put Colin in pants that don’t even hug his ass, but cling to every inch of his legs like friggin’ tights, making his ass look flat and his legs look like sticks. Seriously, Hook’s pants are one of the banes of my very existence.

You’ll notice that most of the fandom’s favored shots of his backside tend to be when he’s bent at the waist, as that kind of pose pushes his butt out and forces it to fill out the pants he’s in. And then you can see what a lovely little tushy it truly is:

So smol. So tight. So adorable. Also, note Josh’s butt in this shot, as well. He definitely has a little more meat on his tush than our Colin does, so it’s a good shot for comparison’s sake to see what I mean about the size of our favorite guy’s super adorable backside.

Season 7′s costumer did better by Colin by giving him a bit more space to move in his jeans, which helped... but it still can’t compete with the leather.

When there’s a bit more room in the legs, the room in the butt doesn’t stand out as much and make the butt region look bad. Overall, that’s a nice pair of jeans right there, and his butt looks pretty nice in ‘em.

BUT, they also went and did THIS unforgivable thing in Season 7:

That’s leather pants, my friend, that turn into decidedly NOT LEATHER pants right at the butt region. That is the BEST region for leather pants to, you know, BE LEATHER, and there is NO excuse for there to be leather all the way up and NOT right there where it should be at all possible times. I mean, yeah, I bet those are a lot more comfortable than fully-leather pants, but what about MY needs?! I HAVE NEEDS, PEOPLE.

So, in short, what about some leather boxer briefs? Yes? Laces on the front. I like leather with laces. Maybe tastefully semi-undone laces... And he must be tied up, of course. Yes. Maybe... leather cuffs... holding his arms up for our enhanced enjoyment of those boxer briefs... and a gag in his mouth... yes... Something to match the leather and bondage theme, so maybe a ball gag? Leather straps, of course... and let’s forego the bright red ball for a black one... 

Wait. I’m sorry. Was that not the question? I think you said something about no bondage, but... but... I think this is now the question, because I’m gonna be unable to think of anything else for the rest of the day.