#i wanted to include the 'feelings?' line but id have to tackle too many things i hadnt even mentioned here

[morskisir]

Answer to this ask I had to post seperately because I reached the character limit or something.

OHHHH Anon you are not ready. I think about this bastard so much and too deeply.

Before I get into it:

I love how you worded this question- gives a nice atmosphere.

Just to be clear this is all about RED Sniper. I apologise to any BLU Sniper enjoyers for I don't have thoughts about that guy.

I'm not the biggest fan of the comics for many reasons so don't mind me retconning a lot of that.

In the end these are all MY opinions and views of him- if you don't like them that's no problem. It's free real estate.

And FINALLY; my thoughts, under read more:

OKAY, let's start with what even got me to interpret him the way that I do; hell yeah baby, it's Meet the Sniper time.

I've seen MANY people often assume that Sniper is one of the most normal/chill people of the 2fort nine- but the impression I got is that he wants you to think he's normal so desperately despite everything else pointing to how fucking weird he actually is. Simply noticing the stuff he's saying makes it a lot more clear. The very beginning where he goes "Boom, headshot," making light of taking another person's life so swiftly. "Cause at the end of the day; as long as there's two people left on the planet- someone is gonna want someone dead," really positive light you see the world in, Sniper.

Of course you can take this as him being "realistic", and I do agree he's more of a realist than a pessimist or optimist, but "...have a plan to kill everyone you meet," is SO fucked up. Why is his first thought when meeting someone to know how to kill them? This to me is him not being able to properly connect to other people/understand them or actually SEE them as people. Not to mention his smile after delivering that shot in the timelapse of him sniping (AND after stabbing Spy). This cunt enjoys killing. He's not the type to slowly kill someone or torture them- but he is the type to feel satisfaction after planting a bullet in someone; give himself a pat on the back for it- or perhaps find humour in the kill.

The conclusion this brought me to is that he is an unreliable narrator in "Meet the Sniper". (Also the "..be polite," line. Yeah, sure, dude. Your voice lines are very polite.)

CAN WE TALK ABOUT HIS FUCKING TEETH? The way his teeth look and how much they're shown to the viewer by exaggerating his mouth movements feels like a "this guy is NOT normal" sign. No one in the game has teeth similar to him and his canines are HUGE. Like holy shit, he's an apex predator.

A comment @cheebuss (I know you wanna get tagged) saw once has been a running joke between us- it was basically "He indicates so he's normal," which is fucking hilarious, but I can genuinely refute that point. First of all we see him fucking speeding in the beginning of the video- to be fair we don't know what the speed limit on this road is, BUT:

Cunt drives around with a broken side mirror. That's really unsafe, obviously. A good chunk of that mirror has gone to shit and he does not care to replace it (which feeds into my headcanon of him being stingy/not wanting to spend money because he lived on a farm and they did everything themselves). Speaking of his van; it gave me the impression he likes having everything he needs near him- he doesn't need a grand, expensive space to feel comfortable. (I headcanon that he's actually scared/unnerved by vast, empty spaces/buildings) ALSO I think he's messy and prefers the claustrophobia of his van. I like to believe his childhood room was much the same (to the detriment of his mother)- that's his safe space damn it!!!

And here I can transition into talking about his parents!!! : D Of course, not much was shown to us of Mr. & Mrs. Mundy, but we can still glean some stuff from the video- and partially- the comics.

His father very obviously disapproves of his job, calling him "a crazed gunman", and showing his morals do not align with Sniper's. Sniper calls for his mum during the phone call shown at the very end of the video- looking annoyed and somewhat distressed. It's clear to me that they've had this argument many times and Mrs. Mundy is the mediator in them. I think she disapproves of the job as much as her husband does, but is sick of hearing them argue to that extent. Regardless of this conflict, Sniper loves and cares for his parents- they are his world. He doesn't care for anyone else, most of the shit he does is for their sake and continuing to provide support so they can live a stable life at their farm as they get older. It's one of the nicest things about Sniper.

Although, I do think he struggled to get them to understand him properly. He is a quiet man who doesn't express a lot of his emotions. That will complicate things, especially if he doesn't talk about it- and he doesn't!!! : D

Despite this, I think they were the people he was closest to. Sniper, to me, is a guy who's never had friends and has been lonely as well as isolated his entire life. "Too weird to live, much too rare to die." And this is a VERY long time we're talking about; DECADES. Decades of minimum to no human connection. (Just to note; he is almost 50 to me. The comic writers fucked the timeline up and made him a 20 something year old. The Sin. Do not speak of it to me. It makes him less interesting/compelling I'm not kidding.) He is anxious in social settings, barely speaks up, and prefers to simply back away when he doesn't know how to deal with something. (SUPER DUPER AUTISM + SOCIAL ANXIETY!!!) Does he try to interact with his co-workers? Veeeeery little. He yearns for connection he convinces himself he doesn't need. He trusts no one. He's a mystery to them.

But hey!!! Less distractions from his job!!! (Bad transition) This man is genuinely incredible at what he does- I keep replaying the part where he reloads his rifle. He was not kidding about being efficient (he also kills the entire BLU team in that video??). The lad's got incredible patience, aim, control, and overall understanding of what he's doing. There's something fucked up about him observing the people he's targetting like prey, but let's leave that for when I mention his previous job as a tracker (if I do). I imagine the only thing he excelled at in school (he did go there!! He can write!!!) is maths, as that is very much needed when you're a sniper.

BTW I think he barely passed school; he hated being there, had no interest in school work and his teachers kept pestering him about his social life. Leave him alone, he doesn't need that (he does).

Most of his focus went to his parents' farm where I think he mostly took care of the animals....or went out to hunt them; which is how he learned to shoot out of a rifle in the first place. (His dad taught him.) He's not exactly an animal guy but he's also not not an animal guy.

It's complicated.

ANYWAYS, I've talked enough about one single video. Let's mention his in game voice lines a bit!

There's a LOT of material there but here's the stuff I want to mention:

He talks to himself a lot. He isn't out there with the others- his job is to be perched up somewhere high and shoot from a distance so he doesn't get spotted. He makes so many jokes that only HE's going to find funny, except "You've got a forehead on ya like a coffee table," which is genuinely the funniest thing he's ever said. Boy voices his thoughts and tries to entertain himself when he's alone- I don't judge him for that. He has to sit there for hours in complete focus (he helps himself via a lot of coffee). I DO judge the things he says, however.

He's violent. (WHAT!?) There's plenty of examples but I would like to mention one adressed to his teammates. One of the "Jeers" commands is "Should've saved a bullet for some of you blokes!" which, hey, what the fuck? That's scary. He got so frustrated he threatened his own team with murder. (It's kinda funny) To me this shows he's bad at controlling his outbursts or that he never learned how to deal with them. (Autism moment!!!)

He literally growls.

There's this line addressed to Spy: "What goes around comes around, you snotty little nance." If you're not aware- "nance" is derogatory Australian slang for a prissy, effeminate gay man. I headcanon Sniper as a homosexual man so it tickles me that he's so insecure about this fact. It's sad, absolutely, but I find humour in this horrible man being a homophobic homosexual. Project your insecurities onto a guy who can read people extremely well, why don't you. He won't do anything about it, I promise :) (Lie)

I was doing my best to not mention SniperSpy but CAN WE TALK ABOUT HIS LINES AIMED AT SPY AND HOW THEY'RE DIRECT RESPONSES TO THINGS SPY SAYS? (plus the highest number of revenge lines he has directed at someone is Spy)

-> = response to:

"Aww, did I get blood on your suit!?" -> "You got blood on my suit."

"I was never on your side either! Wanker!" -> "I never really was on your side."

"Ah, my God, you've been shot. Did you get a look at the handsome rogue who did it?" -> "I'll see you in hell, you handsome rogue."

BY THE WAY, THAT LAST LINE? SPY ONLY SAYS THAT TO HIS COUNTERPART. WHAT, WERE YOU LOOKING AT HIM? WERE YOU WATCHING HIM ALL DAY? WHY DO YOU REMEMBER SO MANY THINGS HE'S SAID? WHY ARE YOU SO FOCUSED ON HIM? ARE YOU OBSESSED WITH HIM? ARE YOU OBSESSED? WHY ARE YOU OBSESSED WITH A LITTLE NANCY BOY? HM?

There is so much more I could mention. I think whatever thing he has going on with Spy is super important to him, but I will hold back for your sake as I can talk about this for hours. You have no clue how many parallels there are, etc.

Anyways, he's in Expiration Date! A little bit! He doesn't say anything. <3 I'm proud of him!!! <3

He literally just stands around ominously in the shadows (and finds RED Spy being made fun of very amusing).

"Hehe."

(I just noticed he took his watch off and put it on his vest. This is an autism moment because I, too, hate having something on me that I don't usually have so I need to balance it out by removing something else; if I have it on me. Either way it's sensory suffering.) (Him being super attached to his hat and glasses is also an autism moment. He is no one without them.)

And then he has that one part in The Bread Fight(tm) where he gets confused by Pauling and Scout pushing the bomb.

"Tails gets trolled" looking ass.

I like watching him fall over.

After he falls here, he takes his kukri out which was... attached? situated? It was behind the strap of his arrow carrier. I think that's cool. I also think he wouldn't be doing that during matches because Spy is very much capable of stealing it/putting it away without Sniper noticing, even if it was literally on his back.

Also, I am a firm believer in "Sniper can only do one thing extremely well and has little to no interest in creative stuff," so I disagree with the idea of him being able to play a saxophone. You could say he was made to do that in school, but this guy is a smoker. I do not believe he can do that. You cannot convince me.

I think that's enough! This doesn't even go past the hypothetical tip of the iceberg, but it's a lot of words. This is the very basic stuff you have to know about how I see this cunt.

Thank you for letting me share some of my insanity.

[dallonm-archive]

[image description: three monstera leaves. The leaves and wall are tinted purple by string lights behind the plant. In the middle, in a white serif font and all caps, reads “LIFE CYCLE OF MASSIVE STARS”. At the bottom, in the same font but smaller, reads “update #1″ /end id]

LIFE CYCLE OF MASSIVE STARS | UPDATE #1

Before I start, this is an autistic OwnVoices novel and it’s Autism Acceptance Month! Remember that awareness is passive and acceptance is active. And whilst this book is autistic OwnVoices I want to stress that it doesn’t cover the full autistic experience; autism is so individualistic and  this story only stems from my experience. Make sure you to listen to all autistics, not just those who can speak and live independently and present in a way that suits neurotypical society. Support autistic creatives and if you’re also a creative, include autistic characters in your work! Autism is not a disease. It does not need to be cured. 

Hey y’all! This has sure been a week! I gave myself the goal of 15,000 words for Camp Nano and somehow hit that in 5 days? I have literally never written at that pace before so I’m a little shocked lol. I don’t intend to keep that pace but the momentum has made drafting very fun and? drafting this has been a literal dream. I was really worried because March was a month long slump I expected to carry into April. I want to disclaim that I’m currently out of school and work because of the pandemic so I have all the free time to write and that definitely contributed! But also as a neurodivergent and disabled writer, free time does not always equal writing, so to know that I am capable of writing like this, even if not always, it is Such a gamechanger. Also this story makes me miss University so much I actually can’t take it :( 

LCOMS has been a dream so far because the protagonists are all characters I’ve had for 5-8 years, and | spent those years struggling to figure out their stories. Even when I settled on this story, originally Patchwork, there was like 4 versions of it before I landed on this - none ever drafted beyond a couple thousand words because they just Never Worked. But the wait was worth it because holy shit I feel like I struck gold. This story feels so me, it’s so much fun to write, and I don’t think a story has come to me this easy before. It’s given me such a zest for storytelling again that I didn’t realise was missing. I’m slowing things down now because creative boundaries and self care >>>>, but I just passed 19k words - though some of the chapters are very unfinished because my priority has been mapping out the story’s skeleton as far as I can, then filling in the gaps based off what I learnt. I wanna put a passage before the cut so it’s not just me rambling about bullshit and no content, but it’s hard to pick just one, so here’s a non-linear scene that I :) cannot elaborate on :)

(CW: alcohol)

[image description: the side of a ferris wheel against black sky. The wheel is lit white, but at the bottom it’s coloured a mix of pink, blue and green. At the top, in a white serif font, reads “The ferris wheel lights blur between turquoise, magenta, mint, lavender, casts the puddles into technicolour. “ /end id]

Picture this: December 17th. End of term. End of year. Cloudless night, stars winking. Fargate glows, market stalls lit by yellow fairy lights line the street like candle stubs, gently burning. It’s raining. It has all day. Dampened your new beanie and scarf but you’re not mad, even if you’ll cringe at the texture when you take them off later. The ferris wheel lights blur between turquoise, magenta, mint, lavender, casts the puddles into technicolour. Your eyes and feet ache, but you’re not mad. And the mulled wine that buzzed warm in your bloodstream now coils in your stomach, but you’re not mad. You’re queuing for the technicolour wheel, even though you know it’ll be underwhelming and a waste of £4, but you’re not mad. Chocolate is usually too sweet for you, but he bought a pack of snowflake shaped ones - each carved with their own design - and when he passes the paper bag over you don’t say no. They taste like raspberry. He grins at you.

I have once again written a long update because I am autistic and have no self control; more excerpts and chapter-by-chapter rambles are as usual under the cut!

(content warnings are specific to the respective excerpt, but as a general warning there’s a lot of alcohol mentions!)

Originally I wanted 3 parts for 3 semesters, but I might do 2? Especially because in the UK at least the spring and summer semester kinda blend into one. The chapters are grouped by 3 - one for every POV character - but that’s more to help with writing because I get more done if I break it down like that, but I also like how it’s shaped the story structurally. 

Sometimes the three chapters will be each of the character’s POV on a single event, sometimes they’re more individual but still follow a general idea (for example, one of them is how each character’s first three weeks of the semester goes). As usual for me the plot here is ~non-existent, especially at this stage, but everything is still connected and threaded together and thats all we really need. The chapters are also pretty short at the moment, none of them are over 3k and only tackle 1-3 scenes. This is something I feel is working really nicely now but I’m not gonna commit to it for the entire novel. I like chapter length variety! But right now we are just going with the flow :)

The most unexpected part is this being in second person, which I decided impulsively the night before Nano because I have :) zero self control :). I was unsure if it’d work in Multi POV, but it’s created such a unique tone that I can’t imagine the story without anymore, even if it’ll need tweaking over drafts. I think it suits the story so well! I’m just torn about it being in past or present, so if you see tense jumps in the excerpts no you did not <3 I’m not naming chapters right now beyond the character’s name, but part one is titled Growing Pains.

[image description: photo of a city at night. To the left are skyscrapers with lots of lit up windows behind a chain-link fence. To the right is an unlit building. Near the middle is a bright streetlight. In the middle, in a white serif font, reads “growing pains”. /end id]

 1: Tomas

We start in the most overrated part of Uni, fresher’s week <3 The drinking and clubbing culture of UK university is a big part of this novel but in a way that’s like “hey this can be fun sometimes but sometimes it’s really not and it’s also really not for everyone.” Our three POVs go to a club night and really don’t care for it. Tomas does not want to be here, is in a weird as shit mood, and instead of looking for his friends he goes to the smoking area with a man he just met called Damiano. I really wanna rewrite this because I wrote it with Zero Idea of where the story was going, so here’s the one part of it that I consider salvageable <3 

Damiano shoves his phone in your hands, brightness puncturing darkness. You hadn’t noticed the dimmed lights until then, but the room blued, music and time slowed. Though his notes are on dark mode, his phone brightness is on two fucking high. Your eyes sting. Cracks travel up the screen like veins.

Each character also has a specific image they keep seeing in things that are never actually there and they all make me like 🤠 hey besties what do these mean are you okay?? I Do Not know what they mean yet, but Tomas’ is veins. (Also shout out to me for finally settling on a spelling for his name after 5 years and by that I mean thank you to my friends for peer pressuring me into choosing Tomas lol)

My absolute favourite part of this story is the character voices. They are all SO fun to write, and I feel like I settled into a good combo of My Literary Prose Bullshit and they’re very specific, often very sarcastic voices. They also say fuck like, so many fucking times. RIP to me if I decide to query this <3 

2: Kristen

Okay first off Kristen is THE funniest character I’ve written. He is SO fun. I wish I was his bestie but he’s also been my bestie since 2013. We meet him in the gender neutral bathrooms being annoyed by a very rich and very tone deaf girl. Classism and the UK class divide is one of the biggest themes of this novel, and Kristen is a very proud working class Northerner (the North is massively underfunded and unsupported by the Gov compared to the South) and cannot stand the Tories (Conservative Party). Extremely fucking valid of him

(CW: blood)

“I’m Floss. Florence.” Of course she was. Fucking Florence. “Where are you from?”

You don’t look at her. Eyes on your reflection, the glittered cheekbones. You busy yourself with your eyeliner, gliding the pen over gaps and smudges that don’t exist. “Barnsley, babe.” It’s only a half lie this time - if you tell her you were born in Liverpool she’d probably look at you like you’re a dead rat on the side of a dodgy alleyway. But maybe that’d be better because then she’d leave you the fuck alone. 

“Oh! That’s like well close isn’t it. I’m from Reigate.” Her voice breathes trust fund and Waitrose, tries to speak like it doesn’t. You try not to laugh.

“Reigate! I bet your parents are right little Tories, aren’t they?”

She playfully slapped your shoulder. She thinks you’re friends. "Not every rich person is a Tory!” Don’t roll your eyes don’t roll your eyes don’t roll your eyes. “Is that blood on your hands?” 

“Huh?” You look: faded red dye dried to your palm, blotted on your fingertips. It is dye, because your hair is as of four hours ago a fierce “Real Red”. But it could be blood. “No, it’s hair dye.”

If you think he’s being harsh, she literally calls him a slur like 3 lines after this <3 Fuck rich people half of this book is me clowning on them. 

Kristen’s recurring Imagery is blood, except sometimes it’s less clear if it’s actually blood or not. Once again, besties are you okay ????

3: Junie

Junie my beloved <3 love her so much. She finds Kristen in the bathroom, and they agree to look for Tomas, until Tomas texts to say he already left. But the biggest part of this chapter is the absolute crisis she has over kissing for a girl for the first time to ABBA :) 

(CW: alcohol)

[image description: a disco ball against a red-purple background. The disco ball casts dots of light against the across the ceiling. At the bottom, in a white serif font, reads:  “Dancing Queen bounces against the walls. The disco ball casts specks over the ceiling, floor, walls, your skin, hair, eyes like broken glass.” /end id]

You don’t listen to 80s music, or 70s, but this room is smaller than the main floor, not claustrophobic, less freshers. Yet, even without the mask of a crowd, nobody notices the girl in the corner kissing the other girl. A girl you don’t know. You’d only gone up to her because she has purple hair and you had to tell her how much you love it - what dye is it? Professional or homemade? Did you have to bleach your hair? Professional or homemade? Will your hair fall out if you bleach it at home? If you dye your hair purple, do you become part of the Milky Way or part of Andromeda? She turns and sticks her tongue out to display her fresh tongue piercing, like a silver bullet lodged in flesh. “Dance with me, you look lost.” She has an allure to her, the Andromeda hair, the bullet in the tongue - do you want to pull it out with your teeth, or lodge it in your own skin? But she asks you to dance, and you fall into her orbit, if only for a few songs. Dancing Queen bounces against the walls. The disco ball casts specks over the ceiling, floor, walls, your skin, hair, eyes like broken glass. Her tongue in your mouth, yours in hers, bullet grazing against your lips. She tastes of vodka and cherries and metal.

I really, really feel for Junie. She’s recently out, and she’s only just navigating what it means to exist as a lesbian. She kisses a girl and immediately regrets it, because she’s a hopeless romantic and was hoping her first kiss with a girl wouldn’t be in the back of a club, but she also doesn’t regret it because it was a good kiss and they’ll never see each other again lol. Junie’s recurring imagery is glass and once again, besties are you okay 

4: Junie

I don’t know how I feel about back to back POV chapters but that’s just how this set worked. The next 3 are immediately after the events of the first 3, after they’ve all left the club. Kristen and Junie walk home together, and most of this and his subsequent chapter is establishing relationship dynamics and <3 this story made me love writing dialogue y’all. This story has a lot of dark elements, so it’s really refreshing to be able to have the light-hearted moments as well. Like these characters are all going through it but they’re also Gen Z 20 year olds who grew up using humour to cope like what else are they meant to do 

“We should’ve got that flat on Brunswick. It’s literally down the street from the SU - we’d just have to walk down a hill and then we’d be home.” He complains.

“Kristen, that flat had a rat problem. I saw one scurrying behind the oven.”

“Yeah, and we live with Tomas Meijer now, so what’s the difference?” He faces you, walks backwards, grin plastered on his face.

“That was mean.” You feign annoyance. You sound like a schoolteacher. 

“It’s just how we are, you know. The love hate relationship. Like night and day or some shit. I’d kill for that boy but like, he’s still a rat. He’s the same to me - did he tell you he called me a malnourished ferret once in first year? In English and Dutch. Don’t even remember what it is in Dutch but he really came at me with two knives like that.” 

Kristen and Junie don’t really know each other well - Junie is Tomas’ friend from class and Kristen and Tomas met in dorms, and a series of shitty housemates in second year brought them all together. It’s funny because I really worried Junie would end up with no clear place in the group and more like a third wheel to Kristen and Tomas but as I started writing I realised that her and Kristen are gonna become besties like. Instantaneously. Love this for them <3

5: Kristen

Essentially mirrors the last chapter. Him and Junie arrive home and have a heart to heart in the living room about gender <3 I love this for them <3 

6: Tomas

Tomas goes home with Damiano and they hook up, which is very out of character for Tomas so it’s like his I Am So Random. I Can’t Believe I Just Did That moment. Damiano is a really sweet dude though it’s all good, but he’s here to stay and I can just tell it’s gonna get messy :/ I actually really love how this chapter came out but whilst I have no problem with reading or writing non-explicit sex scenes I’m also like a would rather die than put that on tumblr dot com oops 

7: Kristen

we’ve skipped a week ahead to the day before semester starts, and the next three chapters are basically like a character study of where each of them are mentally. It’s not the best :/ This is also the point where Day 1 Of Camp me had literally no idea what I was doing. LCOMS is different from the way I pants Revelations, Revelations because with the latter I find it much easier to brainstorm scenes in my head but with this one, it really is a surprise until I open the doc. It’s created some really interesting moments though. 

Kristen visits an amateur photographer friend named Kasia to model for her. I struggled to find anything that included info I’m fine with sharing, but I learnt a LOT about Kristen and his mental state, which was surprising since he’s lived in my head rent free for 8 years now. It’s messy <3 The summary: he sees himself as a mannequin, and he decides that he likes it that way, but he also doesn’t know who’s moving his joints into poses. Bestie???

8: Junie

Junie unpacks her room a week after moving in. Autistic queen <3 This is one of the unfinished chapters, and I have zero motivation to finish it because there’s a scene missing and I cannot for the life of me figure out what it is. The gist of it though is she FaceTimes a friend from secondary school that definitely was her gay awakening that she only realised was her gay awakening in the last year. Messy <3 

9: Tomas

One of my favourite chapters. It’s split into two halves, a light-hearted moment of all three housemates at a superstore because <3 grocery store scenes my beloved <3 and then Tomas’ Everything Is Bad exploration at the end. There’s a moment in the first half where Tomas and Kristen have a heart to heart in the candle aisle, and Tomas asks Kristen where he thinks they’ll be in their thirties. I winged this in a sprint and I’m obsessed with it, it’s all about the ~dynamic~

“Well, he has student debt for one. But that’s not on him. That’s on the Tories. But I like to think they’ll be out of power by then. Boris might even be dead, if we’re lucky. But again, not on me.” He’s quiet again. You watch him think. “He’d be a music teacher probably, or an English teacher. But like, a cool one. He doesn’t teach secondary school because he doesn’t hate himself. Maybe a Sixth Form, or even better a Uni. His students would love him because he’d be able to take a joke and also like, not hound on them for having mental illnesses or life struggles?” Neither of you look at the aisles anymore, just circle the home section of Big Tesco. “He’d also do a lot of charity work. He has a foundation-charity-thing for queer and autistic kids to get accessible music lessons, because creative therapy is like, the best thing - besides Prozac but I digress - and it’d be better than the old white men from CAMHs who act like you don’t exist by your eighteenth birthday. And he’d have a cool little flat in Sheffield where the landlord lets him paint the walls so every room is a different colour. Turquoise kitchen. Magenta Living room. Lavender bedroom. Mint bathroom.” He looks at you like he forgot you were there. “You really let me ramble like that in the middle of Big Tesco, huh? That felt like a fucking therapy moment.” He laughs a little, like he’s nervous.

“Nah, it was a good answer. Maybe if Tomas-in-his-thirties doesn’t move back to the Netherlands, he’ll rent the apartment next to Kristen-in-his-thirties.” 

Kristen pouts. “Aw, you don’t wanna be my roomie anymore?” 

“No, you called me an animal for eating pineapple on pizza.” 

“Deserved. And you called me a malnourished ferret.”

You smile. “You’re not gonna let that down, are you?”

He smiles. “Of course not.”

Kristen tells Tomas he knows Something Happened to him over summer, and gets him to promise to tell him when he’s ready. The second half of the chapter takes place back at the house. Tomas is grieving, and it’s starting to creep into all elements of his thought. In this one specifically, he’s reminded of his top surgery and his memories in the hospital for that starts to blend with his memory of being in the hospital to grieve. Tomas is interesting as trans rep because like, he is trans rep curated for me specifically <3 Tomas was a huge comfort character for me when I was younger and when I realised I was trans, I looked at him and was like oh. He had a very smooth coming out and transitioning process (bc mine is the opposite and I need to project :) ), but right now he views his transness as like, a chapter of his life that was important but is now closed, so he doesn’t think about it a lot anymore, but the combo of grief and its mental impacts causes him to think about it more and he realises he has a very unhealthy internal relationship with his transness. Whilst the big idea at the start of Tomas’ arc is to show trans peace, I really wanted to take a moment to acknowledge the grieving process that comes with being trans. Literally the moment that made me realise “oh god, this is real and I can’t ignore it” was googling “im scared i might be trans” and realising how normal those tangled feelings are. Tomas’ experience of it is only fleeting, but I wanted to show that it’s normal. That being said, there’s no transphobia in this story. It is ultimately a Trans Peace story but also a trans story that, for me at least, is realistic. And the thoughts don’t last long, because his mind circles back to the grieving process. 

(CW: graphic surgery and hospital imagery, vomit mention, death)

[image description: a darkened picture of an empty hospital room. The only light comes in through the window through thin white curtains. In the middle, in a white serif font, reads “ Scalpel gliding across the chest; were the cuts they made as thin as the line between surgery and autopsy? “ /end id]

Picture this: The hospital room. Clinical lights like exit wounds in the ceiling. Everything hurts. Haven’t slept properly in weeks. Can barely eat without it coiling and tangling in your stomach only for nothing to come up when you heave over the toilet. Messy hair, sunken eye bags. Dull eyes. The hospital room. The hospital halls. The hospital waiting room. The hospital car park. The drive to the hospital. The sleepless night before the hospital visit. The locked in the armchair next to the phone waiting for the hospital to call. The silence shrills harsher than the phone’s ring. But ask yourself this: who’s in the bed? You or him? The memories are different but the same. Oil and water. Shouldn’t be mixed. But it’s hard not to. Picture the two of you on the operating table and on the metal slab. Too far from reality to feel skin slice. Scalpel gliding across the chest; were the cuts they made as thin as the line between surgery and autopsy?

There’s a lot of paragraphs in the story that start with Picture This:. I have no idea what it means, it just reads cool lmao

10: Junie

we skip around 3 weeks now to see how the kids are dealing with the start of semester and well. They’re managing! Junie actually has a good chapter here, because she experiences Baby’s First Queer Class Crush 

[image description: a purple sunset with a large pink cloud. In the middle, in a white serif font, reads  you notice her background is of a purple sunset. You wonder if purple is her favourite colour like you and if she took it and if she likes photography and if she’d take photos of you “ /end id]

You listen, touch type your notes without properly processing the words yet, but instead of studying the PowerPoint, you study her: how she tucks a strand of black hair - free from her messy bun - behind her ear. The three studs in her earlobe, three little gold stars. The way her eyebrows furrow when she’s confused, and the way her face relaxes when she figures it out. How she touch types like you, how her two brass bracelets  jangle and how you’re the only one that hears it. She minimises Word briefly, and you notice her background is of a purple sunset. You wonder if purple is her favourite colour like you and if she took it and if she likes photography and if she’d take photos of you. Lavender polo shirt, lavender perfume. She doesn’t wear make-up, but a tiny black heart sits under left eye.

Junie’s dreams of a photographer girlfriend are quickly shattered when she admits the photo’s from Pinterest, but otherwise this is so <3 the sapphic crisis of it all.

You walk out together, and she tells you she only got into Sheffield that weekend, and it was a nightmare to explain to the tutors why. “It’s like, they forget we have lives sometimes. Lives we can’t control.” She shakes her head. “It’s okay now though, I’m here now.” 

You almost trip on the stairs up to the main floor, and her hand is warm against your wrist. Your cheeks redden, but she just asks if you’re okay, smiles when you are. Tells you she’s late for a seminar, but it was lovely to meet you. Thanks again for the lecture notes. Calls you a lifesaver. Fades into the between-classes rush. You’re glad she’s here now.

again she is so <3 i get it babes i get it <3 

In other news, at the end of the chapter Kristen drops the most relatable line of the entire fucking book:

“You know how like, when it rains, all the worms come out and do a funky little dance? Yeah so basically: the rain is LIT3001 right. And the worms are all of my mental illnesses.”

11: Tomas

Tomas turns 21 on October 13th so naturally like anyone in his early 20s he has multiple crisis’ about it. I still haven’t figured this chapter ~out yet but it sure exists! It just sucks the same way it sucks to be a young adult in the late 2010s. But here’s Kristen being the most relatable character in the book again and getting bullied for it :/

(CW: alcohol)

"I still can't believe you both do a science. Like, it actually baffles me - I could not be more further from that." Kristen refills his glass, measures the vodka level with his index. "Just a babe and his silly little BA against the world." 

"You know if you wanna be a BA babe you have to actually, like, graduate."

12: Kristen

Kristen is personally like I will pretend my degree does not exist and honestly? I get it King. He visits his Dad, since he only lives 30 minutes away, but most of the chapter is him thinking about Tomas and their messy friendship and the fact that Tomas is kinda ghosting him despite literally living together :/ Anyway here’s Kristen’s cat :)

Mar snoozes on your pillow, half curled like a croissant. Orange fluff against grey sheets, and you’re not mad at the fur debris she’ll inevitably leave. Her head pops up when you sit next to her, “you forget about me yet?”. You scratch her head and it’s like you’re 12 again and you don’t have to worry about rent or degrees or masters applications or careers or groceries or housemates and you haze through Sundays snoozing in bed with your new kitten. Technically she was a birthday present, but dad couldn’t wait an extra month to adopt her. Said he saw it in her eyes at the shelter, that she belonged here. You named her Marmalade because you were a dumbass eleven year old and also thought marmalade was the shit back then. She stretches her legs and yawns. Plops her head back down, back to sleep. “Yeah, me too.”

13: Tomas

The next three chapters centre around each character’s Halloween, because <3 Halloween my beloved <3. Tomas’ starts off with him and Kristen being ~homoerotic and him being a ~disaster about it. 

w[image description: a photo of a blue planet - Neptune - against a black background. In the middle, in a white serif font, reads “You don’t know which palette he’s using, but you remember his favourite is space themed: Mars red, Neptune blue, Jupiter orange - you try to guess which planet he thinks looks best against olive. He taps the brush against the palette. Imagine the planets. How they dandelion in the air.” /end id]

When you sit in front of him, your knees press together. When he tilts your head up, thumb on chin, nail grazing the curve of your lip, his hand is ice on your skin. He studies your face, you close your eyes. When he pulls back, you swear you still feel his thumbprint on your skin. You don’t know which palette he’s using, but you remember his favourite is space themed: Mars red, Neptune blue, Jupiter orange - you try to guess which planet he thinks looks best against olive. He taps the brush against the palette. Imagine the planets. How they dandelion in the air. He holds your head in place, hand sprawls over you cheek like veins. Brushes colour into your eye socket. Underneath the radiator, your phone buzzes twice. Don’t say anything. Ignore your heartbeat.

(before this Tomas threw his phone at the radiator because someone texted him :) yeah okay mood :) )

this story is really about the ~gay disasters and also the ~dialogue 

You flop onto your bed, arms crossed over your face. “I dunno. I might just print off all the emails Uni's sent me about my dissertation. Staple them to a jacket and tell people I'm going as mental illness." 

"Tomas, if you want to go as mental illness then you don't need a costume at all."

Unfortunately the rest of the chapter is not as fun because plot had to happen but this first scene was :)

14: Junie

Junie is not a fan of Halloween so she gives up halfway through the night and invites the girl she met in her lecture over to bake cookies at 1am instead. Fellas is this gay?

(CW: alcohol)

The girl in the kitchen brought cookie cutters in pink Tupperware. She explains she’s had them since she was eight, but she hasn’t had a chance to use them this Autumn. She has seven: cat, butterfly, crescent moon, heart, three stars matryoshka’d together. “I have more, these are just my go to ones. I’m a bit of a collector.” She lines them up on the counter, you trace the outline of the cat. She says she didn’t want to bring too many, but she likes having the options with no plan, the potential. You want to tell her that, after you invited her over, you spritzed the counters with lavender surface cleaner twice and tucked the discarded vodka and raspberry liqueur bottles in the cabinet you can barely reach. You piled unfolded laundry into your closet and hid drooping plants behind your closed curtains when you had zero intention of her inviting her to your room. You want to ask her why she said yes, why she replied in two minutes at one in the morning, and you want to ask her why people feel the need to cookie cutter themselves into a false potential. She asks if you want to bake with coconut or chocolate chip.  

she is actually such a disaster around girls i love her so much

The girl in your kitchen clears up glass that isn’t hers. You drop the measuring jug and it fireworks against tile. No shards lodge in your skin. Whilst she cleans, insists that it’s okay, you brew peppermint tea because you insist it’s the least you can do. The girl tells you a story about how she did the exact same thing, when she was nine, and her mother shrieked so loud the neighbours banged at the door a minute later. She laughs, muted. You apologise again. She insists it’s okay again. Rain hardens against the window, looks like TV static. You breathe in the peppermint steam.

The biggest thing I’ve learnt since drafting is that, at it’s core, this is a love story. And that makes me so excited because so many people, especially in mainstream media, still think that autistic people are incapable of love - or even worse, undeserving. 

15: Kristen

Kristen’s favourite holiday is Halloween so naturally on his special day I had to make him go through it :) I can’t share a lot of this, but it feels right to end this beast of an update on this beast of an excerpt because it came to me out of absolutely nowhere and it is one of my favourite passages I’ve ever written OOPS

(CW: death, parental death)

[image description: a cluster of stars against a dark blue, almost black sky. In the middle, in a white serif font, reads “You want to ask your dad how something can end if for you it never began, but he’s asleep in his armchair back home. You look at the stars. You wonder if any of them are her.“ /end id]

You’ve mapped Sheffield’s streets since 13 so you know you’re walking the wrong way. This isn’t the way to Crookes. This isn’t the way out the city centre. You should order an Uber. You keep walking. You stop at a crossing. There’s no cars. You don’t cross. The traffic light flashes red and bleeds on your face. The stars are out tonight, and now it’s 2004 and you’re in the lounge with Lion King in the VHS. You’re off sick and your neighbour - Mel, recently retired, recently widowed - nurses a glass of brandy in your dad’s armchair because you don’t know it yet, but he can’t afford to miss work. You’re sprawled on the dusty-red rug when Simba and Mufasa sprawl in the grass and Mufasa tells Simba that all the stars are the Kings of the past and they are watching over him. You ask recently retired, recently widowed Mel if that’s true; her smile is happy but her eyes are sad and she says “yes, and not just Kings. Nobody leaves Earth, they just move to the stars.” 

Ten minutes later, Mufasa is flung off a gorge’s edge; you haven’t studied storytelling yet, but you understand those two moments are connected. And when you relay this to dad over ready made pasta that evening, you ask him if people really live in the stars: Sometimes, when they can’t live here anymore. Then you ask if they can come back from the stars: No, but people remember them. They’ll tell stories about them, so people don’t forget. Then you ask if memories and stories are like stars: A little. Then you ask why they can’t live here anymore: It’s hard to explain, Kris.

After dinner, he lets you play on the plastic slide in the garden as he scrubs the dishes. You climb to the top and try to see faces in the stars, but it’s too cloudy. And after that but before bedtime, you’re sprawled on the dusty-red rug again, and Lion King is in the VHS again, and as Simba and Nala are bathed by their mothers again, your five year old mind connects what’s different about you. You go to ask dad about it, but he’s asleep in his armchair. It’s 2018, you’re stood on a phantom street in Sheffield. You want to ask your dad how something can end if for you it never began, but he’s asleep in his armchair back home. You look at the stars. You wonder if any of them are her.

And I usually don’t do this, but I think the playlist for this wip is absolutely fucking elite, so here’s a handful of the songs that I think encapsulate the story the best:

The Wombats – Greek Tragedy

Duncan Laurence – Arcade

FKA Twigs – Two Weeks

Peach Pit – Alrighty Aphrodite

Khalid – Saturday Nights

Alfie Templeman – Stop Thinking (About Me)

Rina Sawayama – 10-20-40

If you read this far, then I love you and we shall have a platonic wedding this summer. But I cannot express how excited I am about this story and to see where it goes!

[needletail]

Nintendogs vs Nintendogs + Cats: a review and comparison.

There’s no doubt that most people want a new Nintendogs game for the Nintendo Switch. But when I see these posts, very few of them are referencing the 3ds variant of the game, but rather the original ds version that everyone continues to know and love.

The addition of cats is Nintendogs + Cats’ most notable feature. It was, while cute and fun for a short period of time, notably worse than its predecessor. But why is that? The formula stayed roughly the same, but the charm didn’t quite hit.

Before we dive into this: these are my opinions on the games, and personal comparisons. Every person experiences things differently, and will likely have different opinions.

We can start with breaking down the original Nintendogs. The graphics have not aged well, but the charm and entertainment factor have. While replaying, I found that the general ambience and the music used endeared me further to the game, and I wanted to play more. The half hour timer on going for walks was frustrating (as was the stamina system), but it otherwise engaged me more to figure out where I wanted to go. The map feels surprisingly big with so much to do, and the side-scrolling walk screen keeps the mystery alive in what you’ll encounter. The competitions were fun and the voice recognition system may have been even better than the 3ds incarnation. The only thing that really suffered were the graphics - but this game is 15 years old and this was advanced for its time, so we can let that slide. The dogs can be a little strange to look at at times, but they’re expressive and distinct, which is what matters in a pet simulator.

The information you can take in is optional, but an exciting part of the game for those who are interested. Your dog’s profile is detailed but easy to understand, going as far as to tell you what it ate last. There’s something so charming about it being displayed as if it were a document you had in front of you - it brings another element of immersion into this sim.

[Image ID: a photograph of the informational sheet on Nintendogs. It includes the name, gender, breed, trainer, time together, coat, hunger, thirst, and things eaten. The trick list and contest results are also on this screen.] 

From cars passing by to horns in the distance and dog barks from somewhere vaguely nearby, the sound design of Nintendogs is audibly aged, but still strong. The few tracks spread in the game are iconic, and stay in my head a lot longer than I’d like to admit. 

The competitions are another huge highlight of the original nintendogs. The banter between the hosts, Ted and Archie, is something that continues to be remembered. Everyone’s seen the line “you make me feel like a man, Archie”, and the banter they keep up in each competition is less like a mindless tapping chore and just more entertainment. The settings are surprisingly realistic - less so on the obedience, but the ring set up for agility certainly is. The balance between realism and fun is another part of why Nintendogs appealed to all audiences. 

Agility is my personal favourite event, and the same goes for a lot of people I’ve met. There’s a level of interactivity here that isn’t met by the successor (something we’ll touch on later). Guiding your dog over hurdles and through tunnels, and later having to balance speed with accuracy - it’s an event that keeps you, the player, engaged. It becomes a sort of fine art once you hit the Championship level, as your dog, by that point, is likely going to be very fast and have a mind of its own, often trying to predict which obstacles it’s going to go through. 

[Image ID: an angled photograph of the starter agility training course. The dog is laying on the green, and the hurdles and tunnels are in view.] 

Disc is in both versions, and is fun in its own way. I, personally, don’t tend to use the disc competition - in the original Nintendogs, the projectiles can be a little speedier than you intend them to be, and the dogs are a little too determined to hold onto their toys. But, with a well-trained dog, this event can be as fun as anything else. In the original, you didn’t have to contend with the other dogs - something that I’ve grown to appreciate over the years. But, like with the event that removed Agility, I’ll be looking at how the changes fared later. 

Obedience is held on a stage, and is a fun event for people who take the time to train their dogs. Your dog can typically learn three or four tricks a day (depending on the dog), and between the tricks listed in the Obedience Guide Book and the unlisted tricks that your dog can learn, you can usually blow the competition out of the park. It definitely requires the most time and effort out of all of the events, and it can be frustrating if your dog suddenly stops listening - but the rewards are surprisingly good. It’s always fun to have a well-trained Nintendog, if only because showing them off when I was a child was my favourite thing to do. 

Obviously, competitions are the main money-makers in these games. Tackle a solid few of them, and you’ll find yourself able to afford another dog or two. Though your room is limited to three dogs, there’s also a Hotel to keep some other dogs in. As time progresses and you gain more of a bond with your dog(s), you’ll unlock more breeds. 

Something that went over my head when I was a child was the method to unlock Jack Russells, specifically. You need to find an incredibly rare book - something which I don’t ever recall doing, and still haven’t. I found this information via the wikia, so I’m not too sure how accurate is, but it is an interesting breed to lock behind a time and patience-based method. 

[Image ID: an angled image of a German Shepherd laying on its side. In the corner is an idea bubble.] 

Overall, Nintendogs is a solid and fun pet simulator, and it’s clear why so many people have such good memories. The dogs are filled with personality (even being expressive enough to show you when they’re angry vs happy), the competitions are engaging, and though the format will become stale after playing daily for a long time, it’s always a fun game to come back to after a period of time. 

Which is why it’s unsurprisingly that it gained a sequel.

I remember being ecstatic when Nintendogs + Cats was shown in advertisements on television. When I got the 3ds, I also got a copy of Nintendogs + Cats. The Golden Retriever version, specifically, but I do own all three. For some reason? As people got bored with it, they usually gifted me them. 

At first blush, it’s almost as charming as the original. The graphics style handles much better than the original, with slightly more realistic movements, and less cardboard-y models. I much prefer the Nintendogs + Cats models to the originals, for obvious reasons - though their movements can be a little repetitive and strange at times, and a lot less expressive than the originals. But that said, I much prefer the Kennel system of petting and exploring the dogs and their behaviours (limited as they are) before you adopt, and I enjoy sorting through colours or getting unique colours/patterns. The rare white variants used to be my obsession, as a child. 

[Image ID: a german shepherd holding a present in Nintendogs + Cats. The model is significantly better than the original Nintendogs model.] 

Immediately, though, there’s a lot less ambience in Nintendogs + Cats. I play with my volume up all the way, and it’s typically just my dogs and cat making noises. I miss the cars going by and the general background noise that the game can provide. It feels just a little too silent, and the music tracks are repetitive and unmemorable for the most part. Obviously sound design don’t make or break the game, so I won’t harp on this point for too long. 

The gameplay is...fine? I’m not a fan of petting a shadow of my dog, but I understand they did that for 3D purposes (something which most people didn’t use, to the point that the 2DS was made. I play on a 2DS). The camera control is an incredibly nice feature to have, the showering minigame is a little more thorough. They didn’t really add anything to the care features, though. If anything, they took away a lot of experiences - reading the care books and instead guiding you through the tricks one by one instead of as you want, forcing you to learn a specific set of tricks before you can move on to the next ones. The game is far more hand-holdy, which can be frustrating at multiple points. But, hey. There’s cats! Let’s talk about the cats. 

What’s their purpose? Not much. Which is fine, although they take up a slot in your three-pet designation. As cute as the cats are, they definitely got done dirty. There’s three selections to choose from (Standard, Oriental, and Long-hair), with multiple colours, but not much depth beyond that. Obviously, the cats were just a cute addition - I do like having my little cat wandering around the house with my two dogs, and I know from past experiences that once you bond with the cat, it’ll go out and get presents for you if you leave your ds on. Gaining affection with the cats is very slow-going and if you’re someone who likes your pet simulations to be more interactive, it might be wiser to stick with the dogs. I’m not complaining against the addition of cats - it just could’ve been done much smoother, with better mechanics enabled. Be it adding some breeds and a proper grooming minigame to maintain them, or the ability to train them but have them be much harder than the dogs. There were many ways to put cats into the game, and I just don’t think they hit as intended. 

So, how did they do with the competitions? Well. 

The short answer: they’re pretty bland, and a downgrade from the original.  The long answer... 

[Image ID: a white cocker spaniel chewing on a banana lure.] 

In the competitions, there’s no more Ted/Archie banter. It’s just Ted. Doing his thing. I honestly do not read the text for this game, and instead tap quickly to progress to the events. 

Replacing Agility comes Lure Coursing. I’m not sure about other countries, but that’s an incredibly niche section of dog sporting here, and it’s also notorious for being...very boring. And in the game, it lives up to that. Instead of guiding your dog through obstacles, you wind the cog of a lure and honk it to get the dog to follow it. Sometimes you honk it to get them over hurdles. I have to admit, I usually space out when I’m training my dogs with this - it’s an easy moneymaker once you’ve trained them up to Nintendogs Cup level, but it’s easily the most mind-numbing event. Anything would’ve been better. If they didn’t want to implement Agility, there are other dog sports that could’ve suited well; guiding your dog through the Flyball course and using its name to bring it back until it could do it on command (maybe even utilising a team of three, for reason as to why you can have up to three dogs), or sledding, using your dog to pull a lightweight sled (on wheels) through a course in a race against other dogs (or, again, even using your trio). There could have even been scenting sport in which you teach your dog how to scent and go off to find a mark, or herding. The point is: lure coursing is the most unengaging thing to put in a game. 

The Disc competition barely changes, so I won’t say much. I don’t particularly enjoy having the other dogs in the ring to compete with as it becomes all too easy for them to interfere heavily with your own dog, but I understand why it was implemented and know that a lot of people enjoy it. I prefer the throwing speed and the control you can have over the disc, and will admit that overall, the Disc competition is generally improved. 

But then you come to the Obedience Trial. AR Cards are mandatory. You don’t have a surface to put your AR Cards on, or lost them years ago? Then you can’t do it. I actually ordered AR Cards, having thrown out my old ones due to damages and general...lack of use. As of this post, I have been unable to play the Obedience Trial, so I can’t say much on whether the system has improved. I do know that AR Cards can work on a laptop screen or something similar, but the 3ds camera is pretty horrible and can glitch out, making it unreliable for screen-based AR cards. Unfortunately. 

[Image ID: a white cocker spaniel standing on an AR Card.]

The walking system is fine. I love being able to go to different routes (as limited as they can be - but the original was no saint to repetitiveness once you knew the whole map), and I like having to go between grass patches, with a chance for a surprise present. I think the addition of the BARC stores are a cute touch, and the Miis walking their own dogs are cute, too. The interactions between your dog and theirs is based on your dog’s personality as well as theirs, which makes sense - but there’s basically three outcomes. More than the original, but meeting with other dogs tends to be to see if you can backtrack when you’re near the end of the walk by having them invite you to the cafe or park, or to get presents from Streetpass miis. I like the cone minigame to test your control over the dog and its leash, and as a rule, I just...like it. It’s relaxing. I don’t prefer it over the original, but I don’t prefer the original over it. They both have their benefits and downfalls. The biggest upside to + Cats’ system is that you can take your dog on as many walks as you want. 

Interactivity isn’t really a thing, with + Cats. Whereas in the original you could legitimately piss off your dog and it would bark and snarl at you for a while before you regained its trust, this game doesn’t punish you for much. I poked and prodded at my dog for a while, and it didn’t really do much for me. This is a game where you sort of just have cute looking models that hold up surprisingly well for their time, and that’s it. There’s not much game to the game, as it were - and that’s from a game where the gameplay was limited as it was. 

Adding multiple accessories to your pets is a very nice addition, albeit expected. Overall, though, the gameplay has been significantly dumbed down and while I understand that kids play it, my generation played Nintendogs as small children and we got by just fine. It’s a very intuitive game, and it’s almost insulting how little Nintendogs + Cats thinks of its audience. 

Another nice addition to Nintendogs + Cats, though, is body type for your pets. There’s a few that your pet can be: underfed, skinny, optimal, plump, and overfed. I usually have optimal dogs, but apparently plump and overfed dogs run slower and as such they do poorer in competitions, which is a pretty neat feature to have in-game. 

In the short of it, Nintendogs + Cats is fine, but Nintendogs (the original) is Good. I have a lot more nostalgia for Nintendogs which may cloud my opinion, but playing it in 2020 is still fun, and I’m especially happy to play the Agility competition.

For an interactive pet simulator with fun competitions and plenty to do, Nintendogs is the way to go.  For a pretty enough game with simplistic gameplay, Nintendogs + Cats is the way to go. 

Both games have their perks, but I certainly have a clear favourite. If a Switch edition of Nintendogs ever happened, I’d much prefer the original style with some of the quality of life changes made in the successor. In the end, it’s all up to what you’re looking for in a game - but as someone who’s looking for a fun time, I’m a sucker for the originals. 

(Note: I have not played the knock-off Nintendogs for Switch, and would appreciate input on if it’s worth buying or not. Reviews are poor at best, as far as I can tell, though.) 

[shemakesmusic-uk]

Alt-pop newcomer LVRA (pronounced loo-rah, real name Rachel Lu) has shared her first new track of 2021, ‘DEAD’. Following up on 2020’s debut EP LVCID, she explains: “There’s a unique power you gain when you stop caring about what people think of you. It’s an ongoing battle, though, and ‘DEAD’ is about the conflict between the fantasy of not caring and how you feel in reality. The video captures that, with a version of myself who has her shit together and another that is fighting to survive.The use of red represents fear in the human condition, but in Chinese culture it also symbolises happiness. One rarely comes without the other.” The track – a cultural mix that matches LVRA’s heritage with bleeding edge ultra HD pop – is the first taster of a second EP, which is set to follow later this summer. You can check out an Oscar McNab (Lacuna Common, Oscar Lang). directed video above. [via Dork]

Los Angeles artist Wallice follows debut single 'Punching Bag' with new coming of age anthem, '23'. Wallice finds herself caught between two places on fresh cut, '23'. “Too old to be a runaway”, but also too young to consider herself as grown up, the 22-year old yearns for a past that still has not happened yet. Working with producer David Marinelli since her return to California, Wallice has crafted a sound that is unique without taking itself too seriously. An angst-driven remonstration at the powerlessness of her age, '23' is also the clearest stamp of her musical identity to date. The expression of this purgatory is a cathartic garage-rock headbanger complemented beautifully by Wallice’s playful lyrics. “I just can't wait to be / all grown up and 23,” she admits in the song’s irresistible chorus. “Tell me what is wrong with me / I miss my Ohio fake ID”. In artfully portraying the limbo state of the age, Wallice describes the events in her life that have led to her own disaffection. “It’s hard not to compare your own professional success to that of your similarly aged peers. I dropped out of university in New York after studying Jazz Voice for a year, and my dad was VERY disappointed, to say the least, so it was hard not to feel like a loser in that sense. “The specific age 23 doesn’t have any milestones associated with it, but it’s more the idea of just looking forward to the future,” Wallice continues on the meaning of the track. "Much like how people ‘reset’ every new year, it’s comparable to be ‘older and wiser’ with each birthday, but instead of constantly looking to the future, it is important to be happy with where you are”. [via Line Of Best Fit]

Coach Party have shared their new single 'Everybody Hates Me'. The Isle of Wight group are gearing up to release their incoming EP, with After Party pitting their potent indie pop influences against bittersweet lyricism. Out shortly, the EP is teased by new thumper 'Everybody Hates Me', with Coach Party adding a neat gloss to their guitar pop sound. Out now, 'Everybody Hates Me' comes equipped with a neat video steered by Daniel Broadley. Vocalist Jess Eastwood comments: “‘Everybody Hates Me’ isn’t a metaphor for anything; it’s literally about those times when you convince yourself that everyone, including your best friends don’t actually like you, and your self-confidence is so low that you don’t even blame them. Disguise that sentiment in an up-beat singalong, and there you have the third single from our new record. The video is a direct extension of the song. It swings between the insecurities of feeling like you’re not good enough amongst your friends, and the sense of unity you get from those same people when you finally wake up from your rut. Everyone feels that way from time to time, but you gotta remember that sometimes your irrational self is going to take over. And when it does, try to remember that you’re awesome, and your friends really are your friends.” [via Clash]

Pussy Riot have gone hyperpop on their latest song 'Toxic'. The Dorian Electra collaboration features glitched out production by Dylan Brady of 100 gecs and tackles a relationship gone bad. Written, directed, and edited by Pussy Riot’s Nadya Tolokonnikova, the music video features jarring, bloody imagery matching Brady’s production. “Care about yourself, cherish your mental health, and stay away from relationships that poison you!” Tolokonnikova writes in the YouTube description. “Amen.” In the song’s lyrics, Tolokonnikova tells off an ex. “You are my daily poison so annoying,” she sings. “You’re even more toxic than my employer.” The hook continues the theme. “This combo is deadly — ’cause we used to be friendly,” Electra laments. “And now my heart is a weapon / You made me… toxic.” [via Consequence of Sound]

Baby Queen has dropped a brand new track, ‘These Drugs’. Bella Latham’s second new track of the year – following up on the anthemic ‘Raw Thoughts’ – she explains in an Instagram post: “This is a story I really needed to tell you and I didn’t know how to for a long time. When I first wrote this song, I honestly didn’t think I was going to be allowed to release it or that releasing it would be a particularly good idea. It just felt really important and that’s all I’ve ever wanted music to be; so I knew I had to share it with you.I was in a very bad place at the time… very depressed and convinced I wasn’t a good person and didn’t deserve good things. Life is different now. I’m happy. I’ve learnt that the antidote to my misery is gratitude and caring about myself even when I don’t want to, until it becomes a habit. It’s natural to look for escapism but there’s more freedom in working to build a life you like… and by that I literally just mean learning to love yourself. You, with all your scars and all your regrets, are home to an actual life! You’ve been through so much and you’ve come out the other side stronger because of it – it’s remarkable really. You’ve got to invite the sad parts of yourself in to have a tea party with you. Don’t ignore them and cover them up. If you don’t look at them, they’ll make themselves seen! You are so worthy of love and I hope that if you don’t see that yet, you will learn to in time. Anyways guys,” she finishes, “this is all very intense. I love you very much and I hope you can understand and relate in some way.” [via Dork]

Greentea Peng has shared her new single 'Nah It Ain’t The Same'. The UK neo-soul voice is an outstanding talent, someone who pushes herself further into that hip-hop / jazz nexus with each release. Produced by Earbuds, new single 'Nah It Ain't The Same' is out now, one that reflects the chemistry she has with her live band The Seng Seng Family. Dipping into drum 'n' bass, her vocals have a calming, beatific feel, with 'Nah It Ain't The Same' tugging at matters personal. She comments: “Deliberations of a (hu) MAN, subject to the pendulum's swing, I give you ‘Nah It Aint The Same’ off my album MAN MADE. An expression and exploration of my utter confusion and inner conflicts amidst shifting paradigms.” Greentea Peng stars in the new video, with Machine Operated sculpting the video. [via Clash]

renforshort has debuted a brand new single, ‘virtual reality’. The first taster of a forthcoming second EP, the track sees her “connect” with Kellen Pomeranz (Pom Pom), Jesse Fink and Beabadoobee collaborator Pete Robertson. “’virtual reality’ is a song that tackles many topics. But at its core, it really is about anxiety, routine, boredom, isolation, loneliness, and fear,” she explains. “I think a lot of people have a very unhealthy relationship with technology because it’s never really been restricted enough to consider mental health and overall health, and that has fucked so many people up, now more than ever. Ever since I was young, social media has played a major role in my mental wellbeing, and I became so accustomed to it, it became a part of my routine and it came before everything else. The moment I wake up, almost instinctively, I check my phone. Depending on what I see in the morning, basically determines how I’m gonna feel for the rest of the day. I hate it. But I can’t stop. And what’s most ironic about this all is you’re likely going to read this on social media or listen to the song on some sort of electronic device…” [via Dork]

Flock of Dimes has shared the second single from her forthcoming album Head of Roses, out April 2 via Sub Pop. Following recent single, 'Two', 'Price of Blue' is another standout from Wasner’s second solo LP, an album that showcases her ability to embrace new levels of vulnerability, honesty and openness, combined with the self-assuredness that comes with a decade-plus career as a songwriter, producer, multi-instrumentalist and prolific collaborator. It comes accompanied by an unearthly new video filmed in black and white, co-directed by Wasner with Graham Tolbert. Wasner says: “This song is about trying, and failing, to connect. It’s about the ways in which, despite our best efforts, we misunderstand each other, and become so attached to stories that we’re unable to see the truth that’s right in front of us. And it’s about the invisible mark that another person can leave on your body, heart and mind long after their absence. It can be difficult to make sense of the memory of your experience when the reality on the surface is always shifting—when the story you’re telling, or the story you’ve been told, unravels, leaving you with a handful of pieces and no idea how they used to fit together.”

Berlin-based indie-soul five-piece, People Club, announce their new EP Take Me Home, which is due May 7 and the band are sharing the title-track and new video. The title track 'Take Me Home' is a song about the realisation of mortality in old age and the cynicism that often plights the elderly after losing their loved ones and being left alone with their regrets. It is accompanied by a music video shot by long standing collaborator, Felix Spitta. Speaking of the process the band say, “Once again we worked with our very talented friend, Felix Spitta, who also shot the video for our last single Francine.  We basically spent a day fooling around at his house with a smoke machine and an old tape TV camera with a red filter.  The result is hazy and disorientating, just like this year has been so far.”

Introducing MARY., the dreamy alter-ego of musician and songwriter Stef T. The self-produced debut track, ‘Day to Day’, interlaces elements of electro-pop and R&B with a voice that enchants, along with an official video filmed, edited and directed by David Risdon and Charlie Rose Creative. Reading like a page in a diary, ‘Day to Day’ offers a candid and emotionally raw glance at being overlooked as a woman in a man’s world. She is put together, glamorous and poised on the outside, but on the inside she is simmering like a pot ready to boil over, fed-up and on the brink of snapping. Speaking of the track, Stef T explains, “’Day to Day’ is a reflection on what it is to be a woman in a role where you are always unseen; constantly giving yet never receiving. As woman, we are often undervalued for our day to day work in all aspects - as mothers, in relationships, in our careers; having to push extra hard to get the basic recognition and thanks that we are entitled to. This song is a commentary of a large part of my life where I settled, sacrificed and worked, only to be used and taken for granted. It is about learning to survive a toxic relationship, discover your own individual worth again and reclaim the power that you gave away to someone else. Producing this song myself is the only thing that made sense in context with the intention of MARY. as a project. She is an entirely self made, independent woman, who does it all and doesn't need a man to confirm that she's doing a good job. This is something I have personally struggled with, so I created the MARY. persona to feel more empowered in my storytelling as an artist, in an industry without a large visible number of female-identifying producers.”

Los Angeles based dream pop trio Tashaki Miyaki have just released a single and video of the title song from their forthcoming second album, Castaway, which will be released on April 23 via Metropolis Records. Singer, drummer and producer Paige Stark states that the song “is about the challenges of romantic love and how we are all bad at it in one way or another. The idea of a castaway in all this is that no one understands the relationship except the people in it, so you really are stuck on an island alone together there. Maybe you make it back to the mainland, or maybe you stay on the island.” Stark also shot the Sofia Coppola-inspired video on film, adding: "I wanted to tap into all the feelings that can come up in love relationships: anger, sadness, loneliness, vulnerability, stillness, joy, romance, longing. The actress in it has a beautifully expressive face and I've known her for a long time. I knew we would be able to create those moments together. I wanted it to feel like the camera was her lover, capturing her in various private moments, moods and feelings.”

With her Vanilla Shell EP celebrating its one-year anniversary last month, Danish-Chilean composer Molina is back with another abbreviated record in the form of the new single 'Cold,' featuring vocalist Jonas Bjerre, arriving with a pair of B-sides. The brief collection of songs continues her simultaneous journey inward toward the roots of Chilean music and outward into her own unique vision of the future. The project lands with a video for the A-side, which dreams up bizarre fantasy iconography in the tradition of Grimes and Björk to complement her subdued take on these artists’ out-there recordings. Blending ambiguous electronic sounds with the familiar drone of cello and Bjerre’s backing vocals, the track’s distinct persona may have more in common with the experimental soundscapes of artists like Jenny Hval or Julia Holter. [via Flood]

Maisie Peters has debuted her brand new single, ‘John Hughes Movie’. Described as the first single from her soon to be announced debut album, it’s a song about unrequited love, inspired by the legendary film producer and his classic coming-of-age teen comedies like The Breakfast Club and Sixteen Candles. The track comes alongside a video co-written by Maisie and director Louis Bhose (Loyle Carner, Arlo Parks, Lewis Capaldi). Maisie explains: “I wrote ‘John Hughes Movie’ when I was 17 about a house party that I had gone to. It’s a really honest depiction of being a hopeless, melodramatic teenager, being awkward and drunk and getting your heart broken by people you don’t even remember anymore. John Hughes films encapsulate that foolish romantic energy of high school and everything that I, a small town English wannabe Molly Ringwald wanted to be, but was not.” [via Dork]

Chloe x Halle have shared the music video for their song 'Ungodly Hour.' The video was debuted on Wedneday night's episode of The Tonight Show Starring Jimmy Fallon and shows the Bailey sisters going underwater for a sci-fi-style visual filled with choreography and elaborate adventures at the bottom of the ocean. Watch the Alfred Marroquín-directed video above. [via The FADER]

South London's Josie Man has returned with sentimental new single 'Cuts & Bruise', marking her first release of 2021. 'Cuts & Bruises' follows October 2020's 'Grow' single, and is accompanied by a Andrea Mae-directed video that shows couples enjoying tender moments, including Josie Man and her boyfriend. [via Line Of Best Fit]

Jessie Ware has shared a new short film for her song 'Remember Where You Are'. Her album What's Your Pleasure? arrived last year, a disco-fuelled missile that presented some much-needed good vibes amid lockdown. The songwriter returns to the record for her song 'Remember Where You Are', a soulful and uplifting slice of UK songwriting. There's now a full video for the song and it's steered by BAFTA winning director Dominic Savage. Starring British actress Gemma Arterton, it opens on Valentine's Day and finds the star wandering through deserted London streets. A glimpse of hope and renewal, it taps into the growing feeling that this time, lockdown might be coming to a permanent end. "It was a real pleasure to collaborate with Jessie and Gemma on this short film that is inspired by Jessie Ware’s beautiful music. It was also inspired by the real feeling that was felt when we filmed in the deserted streets of eerily strange lockdown London on a Saturday night/Sunday morning,” Dominic said. “The feelings and emotions in the film are a true reflection of what that felt like, and what this time invokes. Sadness, nostalgia, pain and defiance. But when we climbed Primrose Hill and the sun started to rise above the city, there was real hope and joy for a future that will surely be ours. Listening to Jessie’s music. There is no doubt of that." Jessie adds... "This song has always meant a lot to me and I was determined for other people to hear it and for it to be single. I am so touched by how many people have embraced this song, particularly when it's one of your favourite actresses and an acclaimed film director. Working with Gemma, Dominic and their team has been an absolute joy. To have them realise my song with a beautiful ode to London and the longing for human touch and interaction couldn't be more of a compliment. It's a truly cherished piece of work." [via Clash]

Jaguar Jonze has shared her new single and video 'CURLED IN' ahead of the release of her second EP ANTIHERO on April 16, both via Nettwerk Records. 'CURLED IN' presents all her best qualities at its outset. From the track’s rip-roaring, slicing guitar to her perfectly forceful, omnipresent vocals, 'CURLED IN' is a pure cathartic release. "Tear me apart, just tear me apart," she all but demands: "I've never seen wrong be done right." She's fulfilling her simplest needs, and it's freeing. "It's a bit of a twist for me to be a masochist." As a survivor of abuse, these words' unafraid power is all too apparent and an engaging statement to hear expressed.

Following the release of eclectic and impressive debut singles 'ASOS,' 'Right Time,' and 'Papercut,' rising left-of-center pop singer and songwriter Dava returns with a fresh and bold new single 'New Ceilings' available now via Sony Music's Disruptor Records. The moody anti-pop record was co-written by Dava and Mike Adubato (Del Water Gap, Grace VanderWaal) who also produced the track, and is the latest off the Los Angeles-based musician's forthcoming debut EP, Sticky, due out later this year. On the inspiration behind her new single, Dava shares, "This song was written about survival and staying true to yourself. I was having a hard time financially after moving to LA and my phone was shut off while on my way to this session. I was upset with myself for prioritizing music when I really needed the money from driving Uber to stay afloat." She continues, "The day I wrote 'New Ceilings' I was angry and I wanted a song that felt empowering and validated all the work I had put in up to that point. I ended up choosing different songs for my project but when I revisited this one year later, I felt it needed to be heard because of how authentically it embodies my struggle."

London-based Fifi Rong, a multi-talented avant-pop songstress, has shared the video for her stunning single, ‘Another Me’. Directed by Rok Pat, the video for ‘Another Me’ is stylistically simplistic, as Fifi Rong uses her own body as a medium of art, painting herself and inviting the simple imagery of waterside reeds and plants. A tranquil mysticism embraces the single as Fifi Rong acts as a gentle siren, luring the unsuspecting in yet known the inevitable outcome of the relationship. Speaking of the concept behind the single and video, Fifi Rong tells us: “In any doomed romance, timing is always mysteriously wrong. This is my first full CGI music video and it visually portrays the elusive nature of the character surrounding the key message: 'you won't find another me'. The undertone of the song displays a sense of pride and confidence in the character’s melancholy. Dressed in nothing but petals, I wanted my character to symbolise purity, nature, truthfulness, vulnerability and the divine feminine form. Acting as a rotating statue, I wanted to mark the passing of time and seasons as if a unique and lonely piece of art on display.”

[thehereticaldeserthermit]

𝕆𝕦𝕥 𝕆𝕗 ℂ𝕙𝕒𝕣𝕒𝕔𝕥𝕖𝕣 ℚ𝕦𝕖𝕤𝕥𝕚𝕠𝕟𝕤

ROLE PLAYER GET TO KNOW YOU PROMPT

Alright TDC Community It’s time for a task, 

and this time we’re all going to get to know each other a little better. 

Under the cut, you’ll find forty out of character questions split into two parts: OOC about your muses, and OOC about yourself! Answer what you’d like, add more if you’d like.

When you’re done TAG some of your writing partners and keep FUN going. 

-there is no pressure to participate

-IF You Are Reading This And You’d Like To Participate Consider Yourself Tagged My Friend! 

Much Love,

TheJesseWhoLurks

I tag @lyr-taxidermist  @theghostofharar  @hurdygurdyskeksis  @urskekyagvi  @skekmal-the-hunter  @skekso-the-emperor  @gourdplayer   @hedonistschambers  @ulvanmaudra  @littlebluezoologist @the-wandering-urru  @queenofthetides  @juliejewel24 @thecastleurru

OOC About  Your Character(s)

1.     What do you want to get out of playing this character(s)?

The reason I wanted to write for Gra was to meet fellow fans that loved the world of TDC as much as I do, I wanted to find fellow writers. I wanted to steep myself in the fandom. You can easily consider me skeKSis obsessed but I am growing a fondness for their counterparts -slowly ❤

2.     Describe your character(s) with three words.

Passionate | Erratic | Trustworthy

3.     What made you decide to write this muse?

Originally I was going to pick up The Ritual Master, he’d been my OG fav from the movie BUT Gra kept ... poking me with his scepter? Like; I live in the desert, you live in the desert, Ima recluse, you’re a recluse =we are simpatico. I think The Heretic picked me because he simply would not leave my mind when I considered him as a possibility. 

4.     If you could change one event in your muse’s life (in their main or canon verse), what would you change?

Canon. I mean they left us kinda hanging there. We really do not know what happened do we? They are simply, just not there anymore. I do not want them to perish, I want them to make it to the finish line and become urSkek. It breaks my heart to think they did not make it.

5.     If you could tell your muse one thing, what would you tell them?

I would not say anything, just hug him REALLY tightly and probably not let go until he gives me a chitter-laugh.

6.     If you could give your muse one gift, what would you give them?

I would like to give them...ME. 

7.     If you had to take one positive thing away from your muse, what would you take away?

I do not want to take a positive thing from the fibers that make up Gra. I feel they are very interwoven in his tale. Removing one would make another untether. If I could take away or diminish a bad trait Id have him not be so stubborn and or impatient but then again he would not be Gra now would he?  

8.     If you could “borrow” one aspect of your muse and apply it to yourself or your own life, what would you borrow?

His determination, passion. Damn son. You get things done. 

9.     Do you genuinely want your muse to be happy? What do you think would make them most happy in life?

Yes. He’s gotten his ass handed to him, I think he might be owed a slice of peace and happiness.  What makes him most happy? He’s already showed me; his relationships whether its friendship, extended family or a lover those are treasures he holds near and dear to his heart.  

10. Do you enjoy putting your muse through angst? What do you think would break their heart the most?

Usually I prefer to plot out angst rather then let it completely run a-muck because you never know what your partner is comfortable with, what might trigger them in a detrimental way and simply set fire to a plot unintentionally. 

I already know; it literally is ... break his heart. 

11. What do you love about your muse?

His dynamic energy, the wild fire, the mystical chaos, the creativity is off the charts. His sharp distinguished features, the way he looks shamanistically feral as compared to his brethren and their Garthic garb. His use of the color red. His scratchy rasp of a voice. His laugh. 

12. What do you hate about your muse?

He is a high maintenance muse, he is demanding and screeches loudly for what he wants. 

13. What about your muse amuses you?

The fact that he is a skeKSis. This brings a whole slew of challenges to the table for a writer. Case in point, I was writing a reply one day and I went to put something in along the lines of ‘he arched his brow and blah blah’ THEN he hit me! He has no eyebrows to arch, ahhh! I have to stop and think about how to write out expressive traits or reactions that are not of the usual human reaction tone.

14. What about your muse makes you sad? 

How fragile his heart really is after all the shit he’s endeared. 

15. How would you describe your muse to someone about to meet them, in person, for the first time?

Get Ready For A Wild SURPRISE!

16. Would you like your muse as a person if you met them in real life?

Yes, I like creative souls. I cherish them. 

17. In what ways are you better than your muse? In what ways are they better than you?

I do not think I am or he is better than the other. 

But I will say he is a handsome devil, for a skeKSis. 

18. Why do you think you connect to your muse?

Creative. Outcast. 

19. What aspect of your muse’s personality is most important to you? What aspect of your muse’s personality do you think is most important to them? Is it the same? Why or why not?

His passion and drive. I’d say its the same answer for us both. All of the accomplishments he tackled probably had their stacks of obstacles with each to-do. You’d have to have an unending supply of passion and drive to keep going, to complete all. He really is a work-a-holic and a busy body skek.

20. Has your character(s) changed over the time that you have been playing them? How have they changed?

Not yet but I am sure he will, creative liberties will be taken since I only have a a episode or two to work with -am I right? 

About You!

1.     What is your name? 

Jesse. 

2.     What is your profession?

secret shit. 

3.     What do you do to relax?

I write. Play video games. Naps are divine. Hot coffee and watch YT videos. DOodle. Desert combing walks. Long hot baths. Organize things xD

4.     What is your favorite treat (desert)?

All kinds, I’m not picky. I love me some chocolate lately. 

5.     Favorite movie

Too many to list. Its October right now. All I want is Hocus Pocus, some Harry Potter and Practical Magick at the moment. Tis the season. 

6.     Favorite book

I do not think I have a favorite. BUT I will admit that I have a copy of The Dark Crystal that I STOLE FROM A LIBRARY YEARS AGO! I have kept it all this time, its falling apart and its aged with beauty and I adore it  ❤ I also have a Jim Henson book about puppetry and his works, there is a page from TDC and if my memory serves me right it has the concept art of skekGra in it sooo sooo I was looking at skekGra YEARS AGO AND HAD NO CLUE the conjunction that would line up in the future! I really neeed to go find this book but its in a storage shed that will be a fresh hell to get to =[ *

7.     Favorite vacation spot

Anywhere where its either very green and or by some body of water. Ocean, river, lake. Yes, good. -not very many humans around save for present company reading thiiiis. 

8.     Favorite Disney movie

Are you kidding me? Too many to list, although I will say The Sword In The Stone did play a part in Gra’s Crystal Skimmer named Archimedes after the grouchy old owl. 

9.     How did you first get into role playing?

Years ago. I started writing on face book. I wrote for a pirate believe it or not, he was my first muse and he holds special place in my black heart and probably always will. But I am disinclined to acquiesce the gift of further details about this scurvy cursed muse, Ha!

10. What was your first platform? If it was something other than Tumblr, what made you get into Tumblr?

It was face book, before they got all crazy about accounts and security. I moved over to tumblr because writers were incredibly rude and rapid fire RP-ers. One liner sentences and I’m like NOPE I need a novel length. 

11. What’s a grammar rule you find yourself breaking or ignoring a lot?

Sometimes I have a touch of dyslexia, sometimes I typo, sometimes I am too tired to proof read, sometimes I make blunders. But I tend to focus on my mistakes rather then other peoples. I just go with the flow, I just write no matter what their level of ‘proper grammar’ IS because I’d like to think that maybe they are just starting out, maybe they will fall in love with writing and maybe they will be the next author who creates a world we all fall in love with and want to immerse ourselves in.  

12. Are there any languages besides English in which you think you could comfortably roleplay?

I do not RP in other languages. However I did have a muse at one time who was French, I would throw in little phrases but it was never entirely done in French and I do have a British muse at the moment, so again I will use slang and little sayings to make them well rounded as best as I can. Those are just little details I like to include that many others might skip on but I thrive for deets. 

I do however have role play writing partners that are from ALL over the world which is amazing to me. 

13. Do you listen to music while your write?

ALOT. I have tracks specifically for skekGra, that take me to his frame of mind. Even TDC soundtrack at times, the puppet show song and the blue flame part 2 are on replay a lot. 

14. Are you a morning, day, evening, or night writer?

I am all over the place. My life is very hectic. I’d like to say its usually in the afternoon of evening for me, the house is settled down and things are silent but thats not always how it works out. Oftentimes I will sit down and write a reply or two, then dip to do mundane human things that adults do, then return back for a few more replies. 

15. How does tiredness affect your writing?

Kills it. The weekends I work long hours therefor my brain is like WHAAAT. 

16. What is your biggest obstacle to writing every day, if time doesn’t count?

It is always TIME. Sometimes stress levels can be an obstacle too, no lie. If something major is going on, I just throw my hands up like ‘I got nothin’’ and thats that.

17. How many drafts is a paralyzing amount?

Oh damn. Been there done that. I am much more picky about it nowadays. I try to limit skekGra to a certain number of replies because he also has to allow room for other muses. 

Currently: Gra has ten replies on tumblr -no actually 11 &&& 4 on discord. I am two shakes away from cutting HIM OFF! lol. 

18. Is there anything character-wise or writing style-wise that you can’t stand?

I’m open to different characters, I have written with a lot. I love a writer who has style, I appreciate the effort.  

Etiquette, manners and consideration are oftentimes LACKING as of late. 

19. What kind of anonymous questions are your favorite?

ANYTHING as long as it is not anon HATE. 

20. What is your weakest point in writing? Angst, fluff, dialogue, etc.?

T I M E not having enough time to write the angst fluff and dialogue, smut too lets be real. It really is a bummer to me when I  do not have the time, I work, I have a a lotta responsibilities, my life is like a hurricane a lot of the time so TIME is my weakness, oftentimes I am super J E L L O of people who are online all day, every day, always there I’m envious and I get writers FOMO which makes me laugh but its so damn true I could ugly laugh cry about it. 

[bettsfic]

betts, you've always given amazing writing advice in the past, so I'm coming to you with a question that legitimately keeps me up at night. I really want to write literary fiction. the only issue is - whenever I start writing that kind stuff, it immediately starts turning into porn? like, obviously, there is plot and stuff but it feels like ultimately all I want to write is people fucking and all the fall out that comes with it. is there a way to make this more ~literary? or is it just erotica?

i actually have a real, serious answer to this!! 

so, before the MFA, all i’d written was porn. it was all i knew how to write. i got to the MFA, and my first semester i decided to workshop candy tongue. bad idea. i was so comfortable writing for my fandom audience that i wasn’t aware of the stodgy nature of non-fandom audiences. my cohort was fine reading the incest stuff and the gratuitous sex, but they had trouble giving me feedback because they didn’t understand the point of it. and truly, there was none. i made maggie a gold-star submissive because i wanted to, even though it had no real function in the story. i wrote like 4 graphic sex scenes into a 25k novella, and i workshopped it, and made everyone, myself included, deeply uncomfortable.

i decided i could not write porn in my MFA. i was allowed and even encouraged by my thesis advisor, but ultimately i didn’t want the stress of it hanging over my head. so i started writing about money, and picking through my resentment toward my decade spent in finance. in fact the working title of my thesis was Sex & Money. i workshopped each story without being nervous at all, and realized i was taking no risks. by the end of my MFA, i really thought i was pulling my punches. 

and let me share the results of this sex/money content divide -- i’ve sent five stories out for publication. the two that haven’t picked up are the ones about money. the three that have been picked up are about sex. in one, a middle-aged woman buys her first dildo. that one won an award. in another, a 22 year old woman pursues her middle-aged boss. that one got nominated for a PEN. and in my most recent publication, an asexual masochist falls in love with his professional sadist. 

what i’m saying is, sex and stories about it are important. i’ve since separated my thesis collection into two -- zucchini, which is about (a)sexual exploration told through realism/absurdism, and dotted lines, which is a collection of fabulist stories about commodification and regulation. will they ever be published? probably not. will they ever even be finished? who knows! i’m a novelist, not a short storyist.

the resolution to your problem isn’t in how to avoid porn. rather you should ask, why do you write porn in the first place? and that answer is most likely: it’s the easiest conflict to write, and it exposes the characters’ true colors and intentions most easily. it’s a tool to uncover the story you are trying to tell. when you write two characters banging it out, you are resolving their conflict of desire in a tangible way. moreover, it’s an extremely high stake. when characters have sex, they’re at their most vulnerable, their most exposed. they’re literally laid bare for you, the writer, to see. if you think about the highest possible stakes in a story, it boils down to creation and destruction, sex and death. writing about death is a fucking bummer, so you’re left with sex to figure out who your characters really are. 

with porn, so many of your decisions -- like what and why, you know, conflict and motive -- are made for you, and you can focus on the important stuff, like pacing and voice and character. i firmly believe that when you begin any major project, you can’t make all your decisions at once. you can only make a few at a time, draft over draft, until eventually you’ve created an entire world. if all character A wants is to bang character B, you can get him across that distance without figuring out the make and model of the car he drives, or how often he calls his grandmother. those are decisions that can be made later, after your characters boink.

i have accepted that nearly everything i write will have what i call a “prime draft” in polite company but which is actually a porn draft. this isn’t even a first draft, it’s the 0th draft, where anything goes, and my id can run wild. the entire purpose of the porn draft can be frivolous nonsense with no depth or complexity. completely pressure-free and all for funsies. but i have to tell the story the fun way, the story i want to tell, to figure out what the story even is, what work it’s doing, and what i maybe want it to become later. in the porn draft, i’m allowing myself to focus on certain decisions, and sacrifice others for future drafts.

when i sit down and think of a novel i want to write, and that novel is Real and Important and tackling Difficult Topics, my boner flags. that’s not fun. i’m not inspired by seriousness or profound meaning. i may have all these important things i want to say in my writing, but in terms of the actual act, i mostly want to entertain and engage myself. and call me shallow, but the fastest way to do that is by giving me a hot character who is pining over another hot character, and they fuck a lot. 

once i’ve written the porn draft, i can go through and uncover the ~literary work i’m trying to do and the messages i’m trying to convey. usually i’ve figured out the major beats of the story, the voice, setting, motivations, etc. -- all things that are hard for me to figure out on the front end -- and i rework it into something more palatable for major audiences, that actually is Real and Important and tackling Difficult Topics.

the thing is, often the work i’m trying to do is about sex and sexual exploration, identity and its discovery, so usually i can’t take out all the porn. but i can make sure each scene is focused not on the pleasure or arousal i intended in the porn draft, but what i mean to uncover in my characters and plot by having it occur. that’s the difference between literary fiction and erotica -- in erotica, you’re trying to arouse your audience’s body; in literature, you’re trying to arouse their heart :’)

sex is allowed to and should exist in literature. some of my favorite literary works have tons of sex in them. it is not something to be shied away from or self-censored. if you want to write about sex, you should. but let the story tell you its underlying intentions, and in future drafts, pull those discoveries to the forefront of the story. 

i wrote training wheels solely for the detention scene in chapter 8. everything that happened up to that point was leading to that scene that i desperately wanted to write. and now, in the original fiction version, it doesn’t exist. it was scaffolding, an illusion i was chasing to lower the pressure on myself and convince myself i didn’t have to take anything seriously. but once the story was built and i saw what it really was, i could remove that scaffolding because the piece stands stronger without it. now, on the fourth draft, it’s no longer the story i originally intended it to be. it’s its own beast. there’s still a ton of sex in it, but it’s more subtle now, less over the top and gratuitous. it still ends in overt bdsm. i didn’t sacrifice any of that, because that was the work of the story. what i did sacrifice was descriptions of enormous throbbing cocks and characters coming 5 times in a row. 

same goes for some of my km prompts like coping skills and shut up and kill me -- stories that have way too much sex in them right now but have literary merit yet to be uncovered. coping skills might currently be a noncon pissplay fic, but it’s also a world in which character A has given blanket consent to character B, and B takes advantage of it, and beneath all that, they still somehow love each other. it’s an interesting space to explore, ripe for a story in which maybe nobody pees on anybody else, or maybe they do and it’s described in a different way. whatever might happen in that space, i needed the porn draft to even see those characters in that world with that conflict. and now i have it, and i can build something else with it.  

writing advice tag | ko-fi

[juliannaranda65-blog]

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[asktheriftwalkers]

Chronicle; 3 - Lost and Found

Drip.... Drip.... Drip....

The thief twitched with each drop. He had found a bowl to place under the leak in the roof, but he was quickly becoming impossibly annoyed with this safehouse. He could tune out bombs, gunfire, club music, and loud neighbors, but a constant drip- now that just got on his nerves. 

Eventually, he crawled up into the attic to try and find the source. Once one hung around Jace enough, they tended to pick up a few things about home improvement and repairs. Shining a flashlight around the attic as he crawled over the rafters, he grumbled irritably at a raindrop hitting his nose. 

Ishani had become a strange commonality to his life recently. The thief didn’t know what to think of her, but the more times he’d spoken to her, he was convinced she wasn’t crazy. No, in fact, she made a certain degree of sense, especially when it came to the Rift. It wasn’t that Iolar minded differences of opinion, but most people tended to be rather irritating to debate with. If they couldn’t keep up with him, he tended to walk away rather than try to teach them enough to be able to discuss the opinion. But Ishani....

Well, his fellow Rift Walker was intelligent. When he challenged her viewpoints on the Rift, on the shadows, she could back them up. She acknowledged the danger of the Rift, but seemed to be able to use it more- effortlessly than him. Even still, she seemed more interested in her research than anything else. He left her to it, and the few times he’d visited her, he found it interesting to glance over her notes and the artifacts she’d recovered. 

The ruins she had sketched out in her journals interested him, old buildings and structures that had long since started to deteriorate in the Rift. He couldn’t see a full culture, no, but he could see that- people used to use the Rift a lot more frequently than they did currently. The original Rift Walkers had to be more- sturdy than their modern counterparts. More able to withstand the Rift. 

‘Or the Rift changed.’ Ishani had pointed out during one of their phone calls.

He didn’t have a response at the moment to that statement. Of course things changed, but the Rift seemed to be immutable since he’d known it. Yet again, the Rift seemed to be around for many millennia. Fifteen years was nothing compared to thousands of years.

Iolar could see the wisdom in some of what she said, but other things just seemed like youthful indiscretions. She had had the Rift for about as long as him, but she was younger. Had more optimism than he did about the true nature of the Rift. He hadn’t mentioned the reasons why he hated the Rift, why he believed it a danger. No, some things were a bit too personal to share with someone he’d known for only a handful of weeks.

The memories still visited him in his sleep some days. He would deny it if anyone questioned him. He would blame the cold sweat at his brow on a too warm room, or the yells or whimpers on anything he could. Some days, he could still see the light in those eyes disappear, replaced by a manic haze. Those eyes he knew so well, the warm brown eyes that once comforted him when he’d had nightmares. Now those eyes were the source of his night terrors. 

Shaking off the cold feeling, Iolar spotted a few places in the roof that needed to be patched up. He didn’t have the supplies down in the safehouse, but he had spotted a hardware store a few blocks away. 

It would be good to get out for a bit, despite the rain.

Iolar sighed, crawling down to get out of the attic as thunder rolled outside. He pulled on a coat, gathering what he needed, including an umbrella. As he was about to step out of the safehouse, he felt his phone vibrate with a call. He blinked, pulling it out to glance at the caller ID. Chris? What was he doing calling?

Answering it, he pressed his phone to his ear as he slipped out of the door, closing it behind him. “A call, not a text? Is everything alright?” He waited for the familiar taps on the other end of the line, one for yes or two for no.

“Everything’s alright, Iolar. I just thought to test this out.” An electronic voice greeted him instead, a voice synthesizer of sorts. Iolar blinked in surprise as he opened his umbrella. “And before you ask, the sky is clear. It’s me.”

Iolar couldn’t help a faint smile, knowing no one would see it. “... So did you program the synthesizer, or find it?”

“A bit of both. I borrowed a bit of code from a classmate, but personalized it.” Chris responded. “But I was wanting to talk to you. We haven’t spoken much since the new Rift Walker came on scene. How have you been?”

“I’m good, Chris. Ishani is- challenging, but she does have a lot of good information.” He stepped out into the rain, thankful it wasn’t too windy. “But it is a bit stormy out, are you sure you want to talk now?”

“I’m fine for now. Does she need a glove?”

Iolar thought for a moment, furrowing his brow. “I... haven’t asked her yet. Is that an offer?”

The sound of shuffling could be heard on the other end of the line, before a meow sounded. The thief could only imagine the sort of trouble the once-stray kitten Chris had adopted was getting into. Rasmus liked to mess with his gadgets, but Chris still did adore the fleabag. The electronic voice finally sounded again. “Sorry, that was Rasmus. It is an offer, actually. But I’d have to meet her, or have you take detailed hand measurements and style requests. Want to learn glovemaking?”

“If it means keeping you safe, I’ll manage. Your mother will have my hide if you get hurt.” Iolar feared few people, but Cameron spoke volumes to how terrifying a mother could get when her child was threatened. “I’ll ask her. Ishani seems to deal with the gauntlet better than I do, but she still may like one of your gloves.”

“I do try to make them good quality.” 

“Chris, they’re the best. There aren’t many designs that can handle the edges of the gauntlet and still look somewhat decent. You improve with each design. That goes for your tech as well.” 

There was a brief silence over the line, before the voice sounded again. “... Thank you, Iolar. Midterms got me a bit down recently.”

“If you need more time off, I can-.”

“No, I’m fine, Iolar. Besides... who else will make sure everyone gets home safe? Don’t worry too much.”

Iolar rolled his eyes. “... Can’t help-... it.” He trailed off as a noise caught his attention. He slowed his pace to a stop, turning toward an alley. “... Chris, I’ll call you back later.” 

“Do you need me to contact Jace or Eva?”

“I can handle it.” He hung up, stashing his phone and listening closely.

A yelp, followed by voices. Two sets. One seemed almost incoherent, the other was- panicked. Fearful. 

“Pl-please, d-don’t come near me!” 

“Like-... like us. Like us. Shadows, shadows call.” 

Iolar tensed. 

Memories came back, of a night fifteen years prior in his life. The night it all truly began. That man- he spoke such similar words. His tone was such a similar pitch, tone, everything. It was almost identical. Another- Rift Walker. And the other voice-.

He closed his umbrella, sprinting into the alleyway. Rain hit his face and his feet splashed in a few dirty puddles, but he was focused on only one thing. 

A boy was pinned against the wall of the alleyway, struggling against an older man. The man’s eyes were wild, crazed, and he lashed out against the boy with one hand, something metallic glinting off it. Iolar recognized it immediately as a gauntlet. The boy shoved against the man, but he was tackled to the ground. The man lashed out suddenly, shouting. The shout nearly drowned out the yell of pain from the boy. 

Iolar closed in on them rapidly, grabbing the man by the collar and dragging him off of the boy. He threw the man against the wall, clasping his hands around his closed umbrella to offer some form of visible deterrent. 

The man jolted when he hit the wall, looking up sharply at Iolar with those same wild eyes. The thief couldn’t resist a chill that went up his spine. All of a sudden, he felt like he was a teenager again, on that night. But he shoved the feeling aside, steeling himself. No, he was no defenseless kid anymore. He tightened his grip on the umbrella as the man lunged for him.

The gauntlet lashed out and slashed through the fabric of the umbrella effortlessly, but Iolar used the momentum the man had to jab at him. He stunned him with a jab to the throat, before sweeping his umbrella to rap at his knees. The man was forced to kneel, and Iolar hit him upside the head, hard. The man fell to the ground, eyes open as he stared up at Iolar blankly.

His mind was gone, that much Iolar knew.

Just as Iolar was about to move to check on the boy, the man jolted. Iolar jumped back a bit as he lunged for him again, a crazed smile at his lips and a darkness at the edge of his eyes. Iolar could see a shadow surrounding his soul in the Rift, the colors of his soul obscured.

Possession, what next?

Iolar gritted his teeth, before tossing aside his umbrella and lunging for the man. He was gone, the thief reminded himself as he gripped the man’s hair. He was already dead. The man clawed at his arm, the sparking pain barely registering in the moment. Iolar forced himself not to think about what he did as he slammed the man’s head sharply into the concrete.

He finally let the man’s head go, closing his eyes for a moment to pull himself together. A whimper brought him back to the present.

The thief opened his eyes. The boy. He looked to the small form of the teenaged boy, curled up tightly in the fetal position and whimpering from pain. Blood glinted off his face and hands.

Iolar stood, walking over cautiously and kneeling beside the boy. He had a curly mop of black hair, slowly getting matted by blood. His dark skin had wet blood all over it. The thief hesitated, but rested a hand at the boy’s shoulder. The boy froze, gasping in anticipation of pain. But he slowly unwound as no pain came.

“... W-who are you?” He whispered.

The thief leaned down, keeping his hand where it was. There were cuts over his eyes from the man’s gauntlet. Just like- his own. Just like Ishani’s. Dread settled in the pit of his stomach. “... I’m a friend. My name is Iolar. I need to take a look at your eyes, can you move?”

“What a-a-abo-ut-...?”

“The man has been taken care of. You’re safe.”

The boy whimpered again, but slowly nodded. He shifted his head so his face was more visible. Iolar looked down at him. The cuts bled profusely, and yes, cut over both eyes. The thief swallowed his own unease.

“... Alright, you need medical attention. Let me bring you back to my place, I can help you there. No questions from doctors, no hospital fees. I’m- familiar with these wounds. You need help.” 

“B-but... I c-can’t-....” The boy whimpered again, his hand grasping at the air desperately. It finally found purchase on his vest, gripping there tightly. “... I- I have t-to get- get back.”

Get back? Back where? What was so important that he would disregard such a serious injury? 

“Kid, I don’t know where you need to go, but you’re bleeding. A lot. You need the bleeding to stop before you do anything, and I can’t do that here.” Iolar paused, before resting a hand on the boy’s hand, staring down at him. Something- something about him rang familiar, but-. “... I can carry you back to my house. It’s not far.”

The boy didn’t respond verbally, but a choked sob escaped him at the pain. He slowly nodded, shifting faintly closer to Iolar. The thief sighed softly in exasperation, but moved to slip his hands under the boy. He pulled him close to his chest, standing. He was- lighter than Iolar expected, but yet again, he seemed rather small. He couldn’t be older than about sixteen, but even for that age, he was- thin. Small. 

Iolar tightened his grip on the boy, leaving the alleyway at a fast, but steady pace. 

He had to contact Ishani, but first- he had to get back home. The boy desperately needed medical attention, and the amount of blood he had already lost was alarming, to say the least. 

[autoirishlitdiscourses]

Discourse of Sunday, 19 September 2021

Thank you. —I think that your readings further and develop a larger-scale payoff … but as it could be very very close less than thrilled at this question, which is not by any means it's very possible that you accept the offer, if you get behind. But I feel that your choice related to the logical and narrative paths that were. There are other instances of academic spam, and has children, before I decide.

This means that he allows you to stretch your presentation, I'm very sorry to take larger interpretive risks or make interpretation difficult in this, in case it's hard for you if you request a grade higher than a recording of your peers in many ways, and move on its own take on a different version of your overall argument will be here let me know. So I told him that not doing so.

No worries at all. That being said, I guess what I'm trying to crash the course would require the professor's miss three sections results in automatic course failure because you don't. You picked a good reason for not coming to section on Wednesday. Plan for Week 4:30 work for you. Also productive: think closely about what you actually want to set up the anxiety of influence on your feet when people were hesitant to dictate ideas without being so understanding. Getting up and there memorizing your selection but were very engaged and participatory, as a whole clearly enjoyed your presentation. It was a mispronunciation of surmise that broke the poem's rhythm and let individuals respond to very detailed/Annotations to James Joyce's Ulysses and Godot very top of page 160. These are real problems that I don't yet see a different segment later in the sanctity of gun ownership have their beliefs about what's actually important to you. Do so as to let me know if you see the world. If people aren't talking because they haven't read; it's of more benefit to the audience so that I do not use any form of fishing boat. I am happy to hear, but you still need to do so as to let the class or another of the second line of thought into your thesis statement and to interrogate your own paper, or twenty minutes here and there, but your textual materials. I think that's a particularly poor job on Wednesday. There's no reason why you're asking.

At that point, having managed to convey the weirdness of Lucky's speech and discussion of Calypso, with absolutely everything calculated except for the sake of being, as it needs to happen differently for this to you. I hope you're doing fine and I can almost see where you're going to be nominated and an excellent job of examining that whereas if you're going to say to i says in this world, on how to discuss how you can think about your recitation after you complete both parts. Synge's play, Irish nationalism are connected in rather interesting: the question of how successful your paper for it. Were several ways in which hawthorn bushes often mark a boundary between this world and the necessity of vocalizing stage directions. Please realize that I have the midterms in section enough so that you're not capable, because it's entirely up to large levels of your selection specifically enough that you were sensitive to Heaney's text and from section 1:00 it will probably involve providing at least somewhat. Just a reminder that you're analyzing. Just a reminder that you give, and be safe if you're going to turn in your delivery was basically solid, and you had some effective questions that motivated good discussion by email? If people are saying and what Molly thinks about after 2 a. Raw grade: Recitation:, W.

I think, and didn't support your effort to say that a B. I asked them Who's read episode one of its time as a whole tomorrow; In front of the stony silence over the quarter. If you have a basically strong delivery. I will offer you a photocopy of that first draft I often do, and none impacted the meaning of the resources you consulted while doing your opening from Godot tonight. Got it. It's often that the conversation, and politely introducing yourself wouldn't be a bad move, and you may have required a bit more impassioned and showed this in your paper's text, but someone from the dangers inherent in being exposed to in many ways. Policies are subject to change margin sizes: Everyone has received at a coffee shop on lower State, but will post your recitation tomorrow. I think, too. All this really does contain some quite impressive things here, and overall you had an A-'s, 5 C-—You've got a good weekend! —And thank you for working so hard. Even just having page numbers in your notes are posted here. Could you email a new document, and Stephen is also a traditional vampire repellent and, like the material; the median and mode scores were both 7, and I think that the make-up to you; I'm normally much more punctual, but are the ideal text for you. The other is that your topic is rarely as profitable as students want it to take so long to get some documentary paperwork and send me an email, but I'm not in front of the Sirens 1891. Again, very important ways, and recall problems, but part of the overall arc that you make notes about things forever, honestly. PEGEEN contemptuously. You also picked a longer one than was actually necessary and if, gods forbid, I think your plan, either for comment or to be excellent. You picked an important passage and gave an excellent job! Good textual selection does not necessarily a bad starting point to the assigned texts carefully and critically. As it is that your experiences are necessarily shared by all readers/viewers of the effacement of the text can help you to leave it. Your You responded gracefully to questions and were so excited by your performance, it looks like the one that he has not scheduled a recitation text. I have your paper—you're not capable, because this may be that this is only one of you assignment. Let me know and we'll work out a group is not absolutely required still, this was not terrible well, thanks! Twitter stream including links to songs and other texts to prove, and probably see parallels to Francie's narration, but ID #3 overlaps substantially with ID #9 from the general reading of a report. Not feeling well. Think about focusing even more care than you want to put them in ways other than quite good as a group of students overall, you should take my comments and questions with you, is in your notes are absolutely welcome to put them together, but getting the class warmed up eventually, though.

What I'd normally do if not in many small ways before I pass it out; if you study and think about delivery; you could take this topic, though some luxury goods have their beliefs about it anyway, especially if the first three paragraphs of a difficult skill to acquire. There was no exception, the sympathy of the novel is a good reading of Ulysses, is not just talking about, but that you do, OK? More administrative issues? And then give an impassioned and wonderful delivery. Ulysses and their relationship, but I'm sending this. I'll provisionally see you next week! They've been getting quieter and quieter in section, because the implications of saying that she should have thought out that I record your attendance/participation grade that you may encounter is that each of you will receive this weighting score. Probably the nicest thing to do is to think about ways that I mark you down more if you'd like. I think you've done many things very well be quite different. I'm sorry I didn't get a passing grade, then do come to an agreement at that time passes differently when you're presenting to a more explicit stand on what your discussion plans requirement. You are absolutely welcome to do: O'Casey Synge If you miss the 27 November. However, you fail the class, including the fact that you're capable of tackling it. A-paper turned in on time. Thank you! To look at the beginning of the poem. Just a reminder email far enough or in the way; the Clitheroes in The Plough and the writer's argument. Go over recitation requirements handout. I re-work the acceptable work that you do suboptimally on the course of the format of the B range. None of this while remaining quite fair and equal access, please let me know if you turn your major: The email addresses on the IDs.

Let me know if you want, and, again, we can meet you last night looking back over your own writing, get your grade, then you may also, if you have any questions that are not merely adequate, but will be spent on reviewing for the main characters in order to receive a non-passing grade for the term. Additionally, you will need to define each of two categories. Not, you really punch through to even more successful. It's often that the formula above is actually quite widespread. Murphy's Law, of Francie's early beating 6 p. One of these come down to structural issues with your score was 96% two students attended at least some background plot summary and possibly other contextualizing information, but again, this might be a productive choice, depending on what actually interests you about. I will take this set of ideas here, but I'll most likely cause is that you won't mind if I recall correctly. One is that you made to the professor is behind a bit over 91. You might also get you one in exchange details in a graduate-school-length penalty of one of the A range, this might be productive for you straighten out I know that I've gestured to in my mailbox South Hall 2432E. Let me play devil's advocate for a very thoughtful job of weaving together multiple sources to produce a meaningful discussion about the way that is appropriate and helpful. You must recite a selection from the plan; remember you said it was a mispronunciation of surmise that broke the poem's rhythm and tension than they probably would have paid off here; many many many other gendered representations here. He missed the professor's miss three sections and you incur the penalty calculation, that there is a good thumbnail background to the people who have other business during section or fifteen my 6 pm McCabe page 4, explained below was 87. IV. You were clearly a bit of lingering. If you have not held your grade 5% of all of the fact that you're not a member of her religion finds that to me, because you'll probably find the full benefit out of this.

Your writing is quite engaging though I think that there are also potentially productive move, which starts on page 12 of the scene come through a merciless editing process, but unless the group is, I think, and I realize that these are often sophisticated and elegantly worded research paper will anticipate and head off potential major objections to its own rhythm and showed this in the West of Ireland as a study aid for other texts that you're not rushing back from; my student's make-up final on Wednesday, but rather that I want the TAs to set the image to allow text to bring up in your email, but rather because thinking about how much you like it much more quickly for you. That's OK sometimes it's necessary to make—what does; added old to what does it mean to take an explicit analytical concern would pay off for you at the last one in your discussion could have been a good thumbnail background to the group's understanding of Irishness, and should definitely talk to me. Section for the edition you're quoting from, in part because it effectively to the Irish pound when it was written. Let me know how you can dive into places where you phrase claims as superlatives instead of responding verbally.

I think that having a similar amount of research here, I think that this is unlikely, you did very well on your grade, then responded to your childcare provider during class for the absolute best documents that other people are not sufficient to earn participation points: please take a radically relativist position and suggest that these assumptions are never fully articulated. The Portrait of the B range. If you need to focus it more in terms of your performance and lecture.

You've also been paying close attention to how other people are reacting to look closely at the end of the quietest I've ever worked with. I don't want to go on and perform the same page as everyone else in your writing and its background. I think that anything will change a bit more specific direction. Needing to study harder, but that you're likely to pay off. If you'd prefer to finish off Arrested Development and Buffy the Vampire Slayer. I'll print it out sooner, because it's a phone number in the assignment into a more detailed way. Ultimately, I think that practicing a bit in the blank in Haines's comment to Stephen: We feel in England to we in England, was supposed to be absolutely certain that you can send me a copy for my records, but I think that you picked quite a good weekend, as you know by email as quickly as possible. It's a two-minute and two-minute or so. I'll schedule a room whose location is a hilarious parody of military recruitment videos in an even better, myself, than it could, theoretically, have been not a demand, because the offer is made based on the final Latin phrase Introibo ad altere Dei also occurs, of course!

Well done. That is, in the quarter. All in all, quite good, overall, except that you do will help you to demonstrate mercy, I supposed I'd have to recite at least one blue book after thirty minutes in which I taught them both in courses where I think that there are potentially other good directions in which you dealt. It was nice, too.

—But rather to suggest this, and the window watching the two tests by nearly thirty points, then any estimate that maybe two of the points for attending even if it were, but perhaps it would need to take so long to get people talking more quickly for you. I forget: Do you want to pursue their own identities: not all of them, and your material effectively and in parody and pastiche might line up with something you said it was a fun class to be in. I also suspect that one thing that's holding your sophisticated set of texts that you're going to introduce the text of Yeats's poem, contemporary politics, and enjoyable at the same way and often rather graceful, nuanced close readings and demonstrate effectively that you will automatically receive a failing grade policy. Have a good break, and you provided a good selection there.

And yes, participation, paper, however. This document is posted, I think that you've already laid the groundwork, and we can meet on campus may mean that you often generalize a great deal more during quarters when students aren't doing a very high B, regardless of what you want to say that most directly productive here would be different in my other section's turn to get people to talk about the concept of and/or interpretation/. You're capable of being paid to serve as mnemonic aids and that your discussion plans by 10 a. Yes! Still, your delivery was solid, though I tend to do as well. It was a typo in one of my office SH 2432E, or in the grad student office space, and hawthorn is one of you had thought closely about how the opening scene 6 p. You Are Old, Who Goes with Fergus?

5 off of his/her sections, and your writing, but I need a copy of Ulysses, Bacon's paintings, and it shows in places nearly virtuosic, overall, and your ideas are actually going and how that structures the characters' understanding of your performance. All of which is actually the formula by which all grades are finalized for the graphic novel or for your flexibility. Does that help? Just a quick search. Answers the question of how percentages or point totals. Certainly! Your writing is quite strong in several very important. Let me know whether Bloom has a pork kidney for breakfast, writes odes on hawthorns, having specific plans for how these particular texts, writing an essay that pays off as much as it sounds like a report that's an overview of the text to bring your luggage to section.

I think that you also gave a strong analysis that is appropriate for that opinion, anyway, especially if vain or important, and there, but I haven't used Word extensively for a piece of writing a paper less effective than it currently is. I think, is the general uses and symbolic values of the poem I was happier then. But this really means is. After all, you may have persistent problems with conforming to the next higher grade; I do before I grade their later sections. Chris Walker's guest lecture slideshow on Waiting for Godot Chris has generously agreed to make it hard for all sections for a large-scale questions may also find it helpful? Thraneen p. If you have some perceptive things to do your recitation and incurring the no-show penalty. Take a look at my section website: Pre-1971 British and Irish Currency Prior to the poem after your recitation and what does it express their situation, I think that your thesis more specific about your other questions! Again, this percentage is then used to control women and the divine aphasia I think, is generally given over to how other people in, if you have any questions, OK? I know from section 1 and 2 and/or b temptation the general reading of the things I'm less than thrilled at this point in her life where learning to do this as an effective vehicle for your research paper will anticipate and head off other viewpoints, and don't have any questions, OK? I define what that is, in turn, based on knowledge that you weren't afraid to shove them at you, but think explicitly about what it meant to write about them. I try not to the rest of the several topics that you believe that you need to set up in front of the issues that you've made an excellent job of balancing your time and managed to introduce in advance will help to push them even further. Very well done overall.

[crazyspookies]

ZRS7M3+4

Ok i left this one out last time cos it got really long so here we go! :)

M3

1) I have never cared for valmont i don’t give a shit what he always seems to be helping us. He’s creepy and i don’t like him. if Amelia, of all people, keeps giving hints that he’s actually terrible then i’m very much inclined to believe he is. Also, the way he made amelia have to say “i love you” as a password to get control of annie is especially creepy considering she left him and is now with someone else.

ALSO, WHY ARE WE GIVING HIM ALL THAT BLACKMAIL INFORMATION??? HAVE WE LEARNED NOTHING?? HE USED TO BE AN INFO DEALER JUST LIKE AMELIA AND I DON’T BELIEVE FOR A SECOND THAT HE HAS A SHRED OF GOOD INSIDE HIM, AND WE’RE JUST GOING TO GIVE HIM CRITICAL INFO THAT HE VERY MUCH COULD USE AGAINST MANY PEOPLE INCLUDING US???   HAVE WE LEARNED NOTHING?!?!

And honestly thre’s a couple theories here. Either he’ll give some of that info to amelia as a creepy come back to me present and we’ll have to deal with both of them doing shit to us or my main theories: When amelia left him, it’s been said that she took a couple things from him. We don’t know what those things were and i don’t want to believe they were nothing important because if you’re Amelia and you’re going to fuck off then might as well grab something valuable with you. And he’s saying he’s all god with it’s like “hah haha im good with it but i’m actually not really and i’m going to destroy you when i see the perfect oportunity to do so. And that’s what i think he’s doing, being all nice and shit until he finally snaps. The only reason he gave to help us was because of amelia’s involvement. So whether he is already pissed or he finally gets it in his head that she’s not coming back to him, we’re gonna have a problem eventually.

And on that note, Amelia helping Abel was 1) we tricked sigrid into thinking amelia was on our side 2) This alliance going on cos she wanted to get the babies back. Well, we got the babies back. I don’t think she’s going to stay nice to us any longer than she wants to  

2) “Collected Alejandro de chinchilla” lmao i laughed so much i didn’t expect that

3) “But what’s the point of getting cure side effects when we can get some fresh air instead?” Sooooo what...side effects does the cure have?cosss i don’t remember anything about side effects and there is no comment on this line at all 🔍 🔍 👀 👀

4) “Lots of theories about how societies break down, and more importantly, rebuild. “ I would love tho hear those theories it sounds really interesting. do you think this guy used to be a sociologist ir something?

I really love seeing what other communities within london and what their uhh “personalities” and general ideas they have adopted to represent as such.

Little venice sounds super loveley and also rally worring (blood in a primary classroom?!?), what people habitated it so that they were fans of runner five? Obviously they wound¡t be all that cool with sigrid in that case. Children even making drawing of them, it might e such a strange thing to walk into i feel? Did five ever interact with them, are there stories going around about what they did and what they’re like?

The people living in trains is so picturesque but also, they have a People Alarm! Like, having a zombie alarm? normal, but having a people alarm shows how distrustful they might be of strangers. Either by general concensus or by experience, these people have chosen to keep together and isolate themselves from others.

The Welsh separatist colony with their like of order and rules believe everything sigrid say and to be fair?? why wouldn’t they? England is big and its full of people and borders and if you like the way someone organizes things and makes your community generally better then i guess you just go and believe them, especially if you don’t really have all that many information about what might be going on underwraps. And i’m sure her downfall doesn’t really help their opinion of us, given that things have gone a bit chaotic since then by what valmont tells us.

5) BRENT VALMONT: Entirely understandable, but… there’s a power vacuum at the heart of this country. If you don’t fill it, there are plenty of other undesirables more than willing to do so. You didn’t get rid of Sigrid just to replace her with another Sigrid either, did you?

Again, i have 0 trust in valmont not using this to his own advantage but if he isn’t an actual asshole and doesn’t betray us, can’t we just ask around for a floppy disk reader?? because im sure that there has to be someone in england that had an old ass pc with one, there’s no need to give valmont blackmail information when we could just.....keep it. It’s safest with us!. If we use it, we’ll probably use it well, and if we don’t want to use it, we can just keep it and let it rot somewhere secret

M4

1) We’re talking about sam’s sister also i don’t think sigrid was lying, and maybe nicky is somewhere she doesn’t get much wind of whats going on or something esle is going on with her?....You know what would be absolutley horrible and heartbreaking? If sigrid told her sam killed their mom for nothing and she’s not dealing well with that. But yeah probably something esle is going on, but i bet she’s alive.

2) Peter is such a fucking dork lmao the conversation about nicky that h started ended up making him feel akward and he ttly said the thing about the spiderweb to distract sam and himself. The first time i played the mission i didn’t think of this cos....you know, it’s peter, of course something weird is going to happen around him, but today i played the voice clips on the trin cos i was bored and i was like wait that dumdum id doing the thing he did about regrowing his hand in s3 to shift the attention to something else in the weirdest way possible

3) Whatever good ever came from being around lots of mannequins in an horror setting

4)

5) “the hardiest” yeah u tell him janine.He’s still on the self hate train but then again it’s a hard ride to get off from. Baby steps.

6) “Oh, but you, on the other hand… sometimes I think the others forget you’re still human, Five. You’ve survived so much, they think you’re immortal. You’re not that unlucky.“

one thing i really love is how a few days before running this mission i was talking on discord about...how much it would sting for my five when simon and amelia are like “we’re here because you’re an symbol to people” and five knows that’s not simon’s only reason but...it’s still shitty to hear and its not like they’re on the best of terms at the moment. And on this mission peter says this and i had the same reaction i had then. First i was like omg he remembers im a person too that’s so thoughtful of him :’) and then i took me...some time to read this over and let it sink in and im like...you little shit you’re doing that self-centered pity thing again you ttly got me. Like, he’s doing both, being thoughtful and being a self flagelating salty bitch in just a couple sentences. Like when he started talking about his hand in s3. He did it both because he wanted to distract five from listening to moonchild’s minions, but also because he really wanted to get his self pity monologue and needed someone else to indulge him that was not amelia (who probably threatened to kick him out of the running van if he complained to her again) bottom line is i love this boy and i want to tell him that he needs to cut that shit out and try to be vicious about himself

7) The thing about the growing his head back is very valid and i remember when i read Ajin that they tackled this as the only way to kill an Ajin. When you cut their limbs the old limb disappears to be replaced with a new one; so the only way to “kill” an ajin is to be decapitated, because the conciousness of the old head, still alive, will disappear at the same time the new head grows (with its own conciousness attached to it (like, scientifically speaking conciousness is created by the brain, so if you destroy the brain your conciousness dies. if you believe in souls and all that then i guess you can argue about more possibilities when it comes of ‘’what makes a person, a person’’ But then again we’r talking about people growing new heads, and people transmitting their conciousness to machines, soo....). Although whether a new body would grow from the head or a new head would gow from his body (or both) is actually pretty interesting.

8) I have been thinking about his whole thing with immortality too. Like, either he’s try to make maxine find a way to make him go back to normal or eventually he’ll ask her to make another serum like we did with van ark to be able to euthanise himself when the time is right?

[susanwardmegsunsetbeachfans]

Clive Robertson (Ben/Derek)

Soap Opera Digest Behind The Scenes

Behind every great scene is a backstage story!

Last Updated: July 2nd, 1998

Double Trouble

Soap Opera Digest, June 16, 1998

SUNSET BEACH's Clive Robertson Duels with a Dual Role

Daytime has a long history of asking it's strongest actors to tackle two or more roles. Currently, AMC's David Canary (Adam/Stuart), GL's Kim Zimmer (Reva/Clone Reva), and SUNSET BEACH's Clive Robertson (Ben/Derek) are pulling double duty. Here's a candid interview with Robertson, explaining allthe reasons why playing a twin is not necessarily a walk on the beach.

DIGEST: What has your schedule been like? ROBERTSON: I feel completely brainwashed. It's been difficult, because they've been scheduling me last everyday. I've had so many scenes that I come in at 1, often don't get on [set] till 5 and go until we finish. We shoot late, and it's difficult to concentrate at that time. If we finish at 10 or 11 [pm], then I have to go home to learn all my lines and I don't get to bed until 2am. I've been getting up at 10 and trying to remember the lines I learned the night before. It's been a vicious circle and I haven't really had a life.

DIGEST: Do you think the story is working? ROBERTSON: It gets better from what I've read. The way they've been writing Ben since he's been locked up has been annoying me. I'm really bored with him. Ben has never allowed anyone to get the better of him, and he's not been allowed to express himself in the way that he would. They've been writing all these great, great lines for Derek, but nothing for Ben. I'm looking forward to getting Ben back to himself.

DIGEST: Which would be what? ROBERTSON: The interesting thing about Ben is that I never set out with the intention of making him likable. He's fairly abrupt, fairly anit-social, but with different people, other sides of his character are brought out. That's what the audience brought into him. He's a bit of an anithero.

DIGEST: Do you enjoy playing Derek? ROBERTSON: Yes, I've had a lot of fun playing him. I find Derek a lot easier to play. Ben's quite difficult to portray, actually. Ben has this sort of economy with movement in the way he walks, talks, and does things, whether it's picking up a phone or whatever. Derek, I find much more liberating. I've purposely not given him that same ease with things.

DIGEST: What else do you do to differentiate Derek from Ben? ROBERTSON: When I first played Derek, his voice was much posher. He was more sophisticated, brought about by the fact that he was trying to copy Ben, but not doing a very good job. Lately, Derek's become more comfortable with being Ben, so the differences are fewer.

DIGEST: Have you had any problems with how easy it's been for Derek to take over Ben's life? ROBERTSON: Some situations are a but difficult to believe. They haven't made it very clear that Derek's soundproofed the room and put speakers in. That's how he's able to hear what's happening. And the password - the fact that Derek has all Ben's ID's, but can't access his password. I would have thought he could go to the bank with his passbook and credit cards and checkbook and get the money. I assume it's in a Swiss account and you need ID's for stuff like that. And Derek used to always have the same clothes as Ben. My idea was that he's been plotting this for a long time. He's been keeping such close tabs on Ben, he's probably broke into the house and bought the same clothes he saw in Ben's wardrobe, actually monitoring him so closely that he was able to wear [the same outfit] on any given day. But they sort of brushed over all that.

DIGEST: Anything else? ROBERTSON: Meg is in the warehouse with Derek, so you would expect Ben to shout at her. But Derek has said he'll kill her if anything happens, so I guess that's fair enough; he's not going to endanger her. But then Casey shows up. Derek does have a knife in his hand, so I suppose Ben is thinking that Derek will kill Casey and then, kill Meg. But personally? I would have screamed.

DIGEST: What are you thoughts about continuing to play a dual role? ROBERTSON: It's fun to play two completely different characters, and there are some interesting things coming up between the brothers that I am excited about doing.

DIGEST: Do you think the fans are buying the story? ROBERTSON: They can buy anything now that Ben isn't the killer.

Full Scream Ahead

Soap Opera Digest, January 1998

Hoping to capitalize on the success of the movie Scream 2, which opened to huge audiences in December, SUNSET BEACH launched it's own horror-filled muder myster on "Terror Island".

The story began in late December, when Ben gave Meg a house on a secluded island for Christmas. "He suggested she hold a New Year's Eve Party for all her friends," explains Ben's portrayer, Clive Robertson. "Minutes before everyone boarded the boat to go to 'Terror Island,' Ben back out for business reasons. Or so it appeared.".

Those who made the fateful (or is that fatal?) journey were Meg, Mark, Casey, Michael, Vanessa, Virginia, Sean, Elizabeth, Jade, Gabi, and Grogan (the boat's captain) and two of them are already dead. Tim and Amy pop up on the island eventually - as does Ben - and murder and mayhem ensue.

The SUNSET BEACH set designers were given the incredible task of designing the house and the island in the studio in just a few weeks. The crew, led by production designer George Becket, created enough gruesome interiors and spooky exteriors to rival those used in the typical horror flick.

"It was rustic and creepy, but cool at the same time," describes Dominique Jennings (Virginia). "There were a lot of gargoyle things outside and the forest area was very creepy."

"It's sort of THE ADDAMS FAMILY revisited," adds Director Peter Brinckerhoff. "There's a large living room and the furniture is old and very gothic. There are a lot of old weapons that look like they are from the Middle Ages - broad swords and axes of different types - ultimately used by the principals for their protection."

The gang turned to the rusty tools for self-defense after both Elizabeth and Jade were bludgeoned to death. "One of the things we try not to do in daytime is show too much blood," Brinckerhoff says. "But it was hard to justify not doing it here. So, we see the end result of the mayhem but we don't see the mayhem itself."

To add to the fear factor, the writers included scenes where the trapped participants dined on drug-laced soup, which caused terrifying hallucinations. Academy-Award winning makeup artist Matthew Mungle (Edward Scissorhands) was hired to bring the special effect transformations to life.

"I look in the mirror and my face morphs off," recounts a squirming Sherri Saum, in character as Vanessa. "They made a plastic cast of my face and Matthew worked on me for about two-and-a-half hours. People were shocked. I had to look at it and I was horrified. It's very frightening."

Other hallucinations included Mark seeing the silverware turn into writhing snakes and Tim envisioning Meg with blood running down her face.

"Using special effects - snakes, faces morphing, blood, dark lighting conditions, a lot of candles, smoke - adds to the complexity of the experience," Brinckerhoff explains. "I was incredibly impressed with the dedication of the actors, who worked 14-16 hours a day for two weeks."

"The days were horror in themselves but we all wanted the end product to be really good. So we put in those 16-hour days and grinned and bore it," smiles Saum. Adds Jennings: "The days were long, but Terror Island was an emotional rollercoaster and so much fun."

Last week, mark was attacked and he pulled off the killer's mask during the struggle - to reveal Ben's face. "It's pretty brutal, what I do to Mark," Robertson says of the stabbing. It looks really nasty. They had (a body double) in to do all the other attacks. I was just there for this gruesome attack on Mark."

Is the killer really Ben? Will he be found out? Tune in this week as the mystery of Terror Island continues

[theoptimisticpatriot]

England on the verge of Brexit

The text of a lecture given at Kings College, London and University of Winchester in the week of 20th March 2019. I’m grateful to Jon Wilson and the Kings Contemporary British History Group for hosting one of the lectures.

‘England on the Verge of Brexit

There’s a new group of MPs, The Independent Group

They are united in opposing Brexit. They promise to do politics differently. All represent English constituencies.

Yet none have said anything about England

Brexit was made in England.

Surely any English MP who was concerned about Brexit, who wanted to do politics differently, might just have had something to say about England.  

I’m not being partisan.

The Independent Group is just the latest example of a national political discourse that acts as though England does not exist.

In September, The Labour Party produced a brilliant party-political broadcast ‘Our Town’

You can tell from the accents and the imagery that this is England.

It went on Labour’s website as ‘Rebuilding Britain’.

At the same time the party produced another video, posted as ‘Rebuilding Scotland’.

(It’s largely the same video but with a Scottish accent!) 

 But why is Labour ‘Rebuilding Britain’ when it’s in England but ‘Rebuilding Scotland’ in Scotland?

And I could easily demonstrate that the other parties are just the same

The English paradox

This is the paradox with which we open this evening.

England and the English are ever present in our culture and politics.

They shaped the momentous decision of Brexit.

Yet England – as England – is barely mentioned in our national political debate.

If English identity is discussed, it is to be disparaged and abused as nationalist, proto-imperialist or racist.

Our divided nation

Brexit is dividing us more deeply than party politics.

We are more likely to identify as Leave or Remain than with a political party; to refer to fellow members of our Leave or Remain tribes as ‘

But England’s divisions were not created by Brexit.

We’ve been growing apart for years.

I’ll just flick through these maps: all are maps of unequal incomes, unequal opportunities.

Income 

Deprivation 

Risk of food banks 

Obesity

Distance from services, lack of public transport, low incomes

Cities are getting younger, towns are getting older

Arts engagement

Elites live in certain places

Social capital is unevenly shared

and so is social mobility

Many people have worked to correlate these indicators to the Brexit vote. But that slightly misses the point; statistical correlations do not really capture the divergent paths we are on.

The important truth is that we are not one, single, nation, united by a broadly similar experience of life and a shared view of the world.

We experience the world differently. We see the world differently.

Take the gap between cities and towns, highlighted by the Centre for Towns.. People in towns feel less central to the life of the country, 

, have less political impact

 and see themselves worse off

We have come to believe in different things, to hold different values, to live in different places, with different experiences and expectations.

This map, drawn from Will Jennings and Gerry Stoker ‘s work at Southampton, shows the most socially conservative and most metropolitan liberal constituencies. 

But at a micro level we find these divides in every community.

Brexit held up a mirror to this divided nation, and the nation broke.

It’s not true that cultural divisions have replaced the traditional left-right economic divide. As Bristol’s Paula Surridge has shown, the left-right divide still exists.

But the referendum gave a divided nation a cultural choice but no economic choice.

Remain presented the consensus economics of the status quo.

Brexit was fought on cultural questions of sovereignty, citizenship and migration.

Nothing that has happened in the last three years has healed that divide.

Whether you are for or against a second referendum, we know it would entrench those divisions even more deeply than they are today.

But if we have been growing apart for years, we should drop any thought that things will simply return to normal if or when we put Brexit behind us. (Which in any case, is not likely to be for some time…..).

Unresolved, our divisions will disrupt politics for the foreseeable future and on issues unrelated to Europe.

There is much about Brexit and about England that is specific to this place. It can’t be reduced to a local manifestation of an international phenomenon. Nonetheless, the political forces academics Matthew Goodwin and Roger Eatwell call ‘national populism’ have disrupted politics across Europe, including in countries where EU membership has not been a central issue.

Hope Not Hate polling says that 68% say no political party speaks for them. 55% think the political system is broken.

And, just as a reminder that the left-right divide has not gone away, 76% think politicians put the interests of big business before them

Feeling marginalised, not having a voice, sensing your identity is under threat: all these are pregnant with disruptive political potential.

We need to talk about England.

But why do I say we should talk about England?

England outside London vote Leave. English identifiers were most likely to vote Leave. In London, where 4 in 10 voted Leave, the most English boroughs had the highest Leave votes.

Voters with the same demographics voted Remain in Scotland and Leave in England.

The social divisions seem widest in England.

Many liberal and non-English commentators blame the English and English nationalism for Brexit.

Leavers say they wanted sovereignty; but where does that sovereignty lie?

For all these reasons we need to talk about England.

But, most fundamental, England is a divided nation, and a divided nation lacks the shared values and aspirations that can deliver for the common good.

A divided nation cannot serve the common good.

Our problems predated Brexit and will face us whatever happens next.

The financial system is too dominant. Austerity has wreaked damage to public services and social security. Precarious work, low pay and child poverty are widespread. Too little is invested in skills, education, research, innovation and infrastructure. Large parts of the everyday economy have low incomes and productivity.

This all happened while we have been in the EU. And none of the conceivable outcomes of Brexit – remaining in, Norway plus, Canada, WTO rules – will heal them of themselves; most make them worse.

It is tempting to believe that healing the divisions is just a matter of good public policy. If only we could get public policy right – a.k.a.  ‘vote for my party’ - we can tackle these problems, and our tensions will melt away.

But that puts the cart before the horse.

It is not good policy that produces a cohesive nation; a cohesive nation is the pre-condition for good public policy.

It wasn’t the NHS that united post-war Britain. It was the collective will to build a better Britain that made the NHS possible.

Our future relationship with the EU does have major consequences.  It is not a trivial issue.

But our nation will not be defined by whether we are a member of the EU. Nor we will be defined by whether we are outside it.

A strong nation is defined by its shared histories, its shared stories, its shared symbols, its shared values and its sense of common purpose.

A strong nation has a shared sense of national identity.

It understands its own sovereignty and democracy.

It has institutions that shape the nation and make its laws.

It has the ability to disperse power to enable its members to shape the nation.

And, although there is nothing inherently progressive about a nation, the strongest nations are those where there is a shared belief in working together for the common good.

And of course, such a strong nation would be far more confident in its relationships with other states and international institutions.

England has none of these things.

It is divided by its identities.

It enjoys no national sovereignty or democracy.

Power is centralised, not dispersed.

There is no shared idea of the common good, nor of how it can be achieved,

The UK government – the government of England - barely acknowledges England at all.

The ‘presumption of unionism’

Where does the refusal to acknowledge England as a political nation come from?

Many learned people have unpicked the relationship between England and Britain, and the extent to which ideas of Britishness reflect – for some at least – ideas of England. But, of course, these ideas are not fixed for ever.

England and the union are still on a journey from a Britain at the heart of Empire to the haphazard construction of a post-imperial state.

David Edgerton has argued that the creation of a national British politics and state (as opposed to an imperial British politics) only really took full shape after the second world war. By then the imperial state had already begun to unravel with the partition of Ireland in the 1920s.

The post war post-imperial unitary state was then challenged by the successful demands for Welsh and Scottish autonomy.

With each change, the central unitary state has had to adjust to changing circumstances and its more limited reach. But it has always hung onto as much of its old way of thinking as possible.

The legacy, for England, is what I call the ‘presumption of unionism’.

I don’t mean whether the union should exist. I am a unionist, if a rather pessimistic one.

By the ‘presumption of unionism’ I mean the hangover from the unitary imperial state that says that the way our constitution is currently ordered is the only way that it can be ordered.

I’m using ‘presumption’ in line with the Oxford English Dictionary, as ‘the act of believing something to be true without having any proof’

The presumption of union has five clear manifestations.

First, that England must be governed by the UK government.

Secondly, that the UK should govern England from London.

Thirdly, that the national identity of England should be British.

Fourth, that this state of affairs is so perfect (as an 18thcentury Whig might defend the settlement of 1689) that to question the constitution, governance and identity of England is a distraction from ‘the things that people really care about’.

Fifth, that the maintenance of the union depends on England being denied its nationhood.

A sixth, more esoteric, though no less important thought is that the presumption of unionism is the last defence of the sovereignty of the Queen in Parliament. The Scottish Claim of Right that preceded devolution asserted the sovereignty of the people, something the English have never been offered nor claimed.

The presumption of unionism is deeply entrenched in the British establishment, for left to right. Even people who appreciate the cultural importance of Englishness often shy away from the suggestion that England might manage its own domestic affairs as Scotland or Wales do. (Northern Ireland is not such a shining example in that regard).

The New Labour government of which I was part undertook an unprecedented volume of constitutional reform. Devolution, the Lords, a Supreme Court, Human Rights, Freedom of Information, referenda on constitutional issues

But, London’s Mayor and Assembly aside, England was unchanged.

When I recently revisited this history, I realised that UK Labour had never questioned the unitary state. Whatever Labour was doing in the rest of the UK, England had always been run by the UK government. Things should stay that way.

I initially thought this was a Labour problem. But I now understand it as just one manifestation of the deep-seated presumption of unionism.

John Major made opposition to devolution the centre of his 1997 campaign. The Conservatives may now be reconciled to devolution but recent work by Jack Sheldon and Mike Kenny has highlighted Tory MPs’ deep commitment to the unitary state.

(My own research suggests that English conservative members are less committed to the union, which may go some way to explain divisions in that party, but I won’t purse that this evening).

More immediately relevant to Brexit was the campaign of 2016.

Remain campaigned, in England only, as ‘Britain Stronger in Europe’

Some of us did point out that Remain had a problem with English identifying voters, not the British.

But the presumption of unionism persuaded even seasoned political communicators that England could not be named. The entire referendum was conducted on both sides in the language and imagery of Britain.

I know that, to those outside England, and many within it, my whole complaint can seem absurd.

England is more than 80% of the union, the Commons is numerically dominated by English MPs, the most powerful institutions are concentrated in London. They ask: to what extent is this not an English system run by England in the interests of the English?

To answer that, we need to ask the people of England.

In the English interest?

England is a nation of multiple identities; English and British are the most widely held and a source of pride to many.

In most people, they are intertwined, but they have different meanings, and we combine them differently.

We seem to layer our identities, more or less English, less or more British, to give us a combination of the two outlooks that reflects our personal world view.

More needs to be done to unpick this process. We are too dependent on polling evidence, when we really need to know what people mean when they say they are English or British.

But, as we track across our mixed identities from ‘English not British’ through ‘equally English and British’ to ‘British not English’, the overall picture is clear.

Towards the English end of the spectrum we find people who are more rooted in a locality - a town, county or region. (This, incidentally, explains the multifarious nature of Englishness; why English people will often also stress that they are from Yorkshire, Devon or Birmingham. It is not a monochrome identity, but a shared national identity built on local roots). The more English have the strongest sense of distinct English political interests, are patriotic and associate their identity with positive characteristics.

At the British end we find people who are less rooted in any part of England, more likely to be European, and are less patriotic, have less pride in their identity and are more likely to reject Englishness completely.

The ‘English not British’ are proudest to be English, but the ‘British not English’ are by no means proudest to be British. That honour lies with what we might call the patriotic heart of England: people who combine large measures of Englishness and Britishness.

Indeed, it is the ‘British not English’ who are most distinct as an identity group. Most  ‘British not English’ positively reject Englishness, only half are proud of being British, and they are less likely to associate their identity with positive characteristic.

We find the ‘more British’ in the cities and the ‘more English’ in smaller communities, in the places that have suffered economic decline.

English identity is emphasised by those least happy with the economic and social change of the last decades.

And by those who voted Leave.

How can we make sense of this?

Globalisation has fostered a growth in identity and cultural politics everywhere. In nations like France or indeed Scotland the debate is about what it means to be French or Scottish. Here, rather than debating what it means to be English, or British, we seem instead to have emphasised the identity or mix of identities that best reflect our response to a globalising world.

And this is reflected in the politics of our different identities.

As Ailsa Henderson of the Future of England Survey puts it,

‘the more English one feels, the more likely one is to express dissatisfaction with each of England’s unions, one external, the other internal’.

Most of England’s voters think that Scotland gets more than its fair share of resources: but the English identifiers feel the injustice most sharply.

Most of England’s voters want English Laws to be made only by English MPs, but the demand is strongest amongst English identifiers.

And while the majority in value the union, English identifiers would put the union at risk to protect England’s interests.

As far back as 2013, the Future of England survey showed that 26% of English voters thought the EU had most influence on how the nation was run. And it was the English identifiers who had the most negative attitudes towards the EU.

The comparable figures for Wales and Scotland were just 6% and 4%.

Significantly, Welsh and Scottish voters saw the influence of their devolved governments as broadly equivalent to the UK government.

Half of all England’s voters are now prepared to see the peace process jeopardised, or Scotland leave the union, in order to achieve Brexit.

Between a fifth and a quarter of voters say that no party stands up for England.

This really doesn’t feel like a system that is run ‘by the English for the English’.

And I’d suggest that the people who most emphasise their English identity are not, generally, the people who are in power in England.

They live in the wrong places, they’ve had the wrong education, they are, largely, the wrong class, and they hold socially conservative rather than liberal metropolitan values. These are not, by and large, the people we find in powerful positions in corporate business, politics, the media or academia.

It is Britishness – an outlook widely shared amongst the political class - rather Englishness, that is too often the badge of power.

There is no evidence, either of support from English leave voters for the ‘greater British’ unionism conjured up by Brexiteers like Boris Johnson or the proto-imperialism imagined by those who blame ‘English nationalism’ for Brexit.

There’s no political nationalism of any significance, and these English Leave voters would be more likely to turn their back on the union (let alone demand a new empire) to get England a fair deal.

Brexit – however disruptive – was a demand to be heard and that’s why it should light the fuse for England’s democratic moment. This large part of England’s population sense that England has its own interests, distinct from those of the union.

England’s role in Brexit was to grasp the chance to express their suppressed demands for identity and sovereignty. The referendum gave these English voters a voice and they took it with both hands.  It was the England that wants its own parliament, does not feel well represented and wants fair funding was most attracted by ‘take back control’.

It is more accurate to say that large part of England’s population senses that England has its own interests, that are distinct from those of the union.

We saw this in 2015.

English fears of SNP influence on a hung parliament dominated that campaign and may have delivered Cameron’s majority.

(In a cruel twist of fate, that English victory meant that David Cameron couldn’t rely on the Liberal Democrats to block his rash promise of an EU referendum.)

The referendum gave these English voters a voice and they took it with both hands.

England’s role in Brexit – far from imperial dreams – was to grasp an available vehicle to express their suppressed demands for identity and sovereignty.

The England that wants its own parliament, does not feel well represented and wants fair funding was most attracted by ‘take back control’.

Of course, many Leavers will have cleaved to ideas of England standing alone; these ideas of the nation have been inculcated in stories from the Armada to Dunkirk.

Historic myths shape all national identities. They can be genuinely inspiring. But, as poor history, they can also be a poor guide to our real nature, and a hindrance in engaging with a changing world.

Denied any national forum, and national debate about its own identity, England, alone of the nations of the UK, has had no chance to question whether these stories work so well for us today; no opportunity to reimagine itself as a modern 21stcentury nation.

But let’s be clear: those who blame the English for Brexit are so often the same people who have long denied England any sense of nationhood.

Maybe, if England had had its own parliament, then English voters would have had a similar estimate of the impact of the EU on their lives as voters in Wales and in Scotland.

In his ‘The Lure of Greatness’ Anthony Barnett argued that it was not possible to understand Brexit without understanding the condition of England. And, as he has also argued: however disruptive and uncomfortable we need to see the Brexit vote as a profound democratic moment. A demand to be heard.

Democracy and ‘taking back control’

Modern governance has seen an explosion of powerful independent, technocratic, and legal institutions that are remote from clear democratic accountability.

Independent central banks, supranational regulation, free movement of people, the expanding realms of judicial review and human rights law, investor dispute resolution. All remove from political democracy decisions that once lay with elected politicians.

It has created a profound tension between what people think they should be able to decide, and what they can actually decide.

Take migration.

People might reasonably imagine that they elect an MP to decide, with others, how many people should be able to come here.  But under free movement, parliamentary democracy is effectively side-lined.

The justification is usually technocratic. It’s good for you (because we benefit from migration or because it is a reciprocal right).  So, you can’t be allowed to change it.  

Others say it’s a fundamental human right to live where you choose; this legal right should trump collective democratic decision-making.

My point here is not to explore the policy arguments.  

Rather, I want to highlight how, on an issue at the very core of our national divisions, we don’t even agree whether it is a democratic question, a technocratic question or a legal question.

And if we can’t agree what type of question it is, no wonder we find it so difficult to find the common ground.

And so, we had a clash in the referendum between Leavers, for whom sovereignty and migration were the top concern; who wanted to assert that it should be a democratic question: and those who gave a technocratic or legal response.

However, resolving that clash is not straightforward.

In our interdependent world, the creation of technocratic, legalistic and supranational institutions seems unavoidable.

Every trade deal – inside or outside of the EU - will have a dispute resolution system, fought over by lawyers.

If each nation had its own safety standards for making children’s toys, none of us would ever go to a toy shop again.

Working to common standards – even if these sharply conflict with national norms, as the European Arrest Warrant does – seems essential to tackle shared problems.

The truth is that no Brexit outcome can provide a pure national sovereignty, whatever the rhetoric of the Leave campaign.

Whether we are dealing chicken chlorinators, sustaining an international financial sector or tackling crime and terrorism we will have no choice but to compromise with the priorities of others and reach international binding agreements.

On the other hand, we cannot just lightly dismiss the demands for democracy and sovereignty.

Our only response must be to deepen and strengthen democracy and sovereignty in all the places that we can.

That is why, after all the bitterness and division, Brexit should light the fuse for England’s democratic moment.

An England with the democratic rights, the national parliament, and powers that are taken granted in almost every other democratic nation state, would give a voice to people who currently feel excluded from the national conversation.

Localities

The presumption of unionism also denies England’s localities a voice.

London’s disproportionate share of investment, cultural capital, and policy influence reflects its position as an imperial and now union capital; it serves a British and international elite, and a left that is internationally rather than nationally rooted.

Voices from the rest of England are excluded in a way that would be impossible if England had a government of its own, or if the capital felt accountable to the nation of which it is part.

Centralist government has favoured appointed and unaccountable institutions over local democracy.

It was typical that Theresa May’s attempt to bribe Labour MPs with money for towns is to be routed, not through their local councils, but through unaccountable LEPs that dance to Whitehall’s tunes. This is the presumption of unionism in action.

I campaign actively for English devolution. But history suggests the UK state will never concede significant power to English localities without a change in the governance of England itself.

Economic democracy

There is an important third strand to democracy and sovereignty that I can’t explore tonight. Economic democracy.

If three-quarters of people think politics serves big business, not people like them, we need to reassert a choice between the economic left and right.

To some extent, Corbynism has opened up that choice. Labour did relatively better amongst English identifying voters in 2017 than it had in 2015. But Labour’s failure to build on that may reflect how hard it is to make politics a left right choice when your party is sitting so firmly on just one side of the cultural divide.

That’s an important debate, but it has to be for another night.

But for those of you who were already thinking ‘what has this stuff about national democracy and sovereignty got to do with the gaps between the cities and towns, the rich and the poor, the old and the young, London and the rest that were revealed by Brexit?’.

I would argue that we are not actually short of policies that could tackle these problems.

What we lack is the democratic institutions, the dispersal of power, and the sense of shared national purpose and identity that can bring them about.

That’s why democracy, identity and national purpose must be at the heart of our response to Brexit.

Mine is still a minority view.

But the chances of it happening are greatly enhanced by another aspect of Brexit: Brexit is heaping new pressure on the UK’s creaking constitution.

Will Brexit break the back of the constitutional camel?

Leaving the EU will take away the framework within which the UK’s recent constitutional changes have taken place.

EU membership enabled the peace process to sidestep questions about the identity and citizenship of Northern Ireland residents and economic relationships between the UK and Ireland, that no one wanted to answer.

The Irish backstop is poisonous because it forces us to acknowledge those questions.

The EU also has framed ad hoc, asymmetric devolution in rest of the UK.

It is a mess, of course. The UK government runs England:  Scotland, Wales and Northern Ireland have different degrees of devolution. Barely considered changes– the ‘Pledge’ to Scotland, further devolution to Wales, and an arid and technical English Votes on English Laws – are brought in with unpredictable and destabilising consequences.

It has only worked because huge areas of policy on which nations might disagree–regulation, trade, agriculture, environmental standards and workers’ rights – have been settled for the whole of the UK at EU level.

With Brexit, the arguments have begun.

The UK government has re-asserted its central authority over the devolved nations in the negotiations.  By setting aside the Sewell Convention that guaranteed the rights of devolved nations on legislation that affects them, government has thrown the very status of the devolved nations into doubt.  

That row, about where powers should return from Brussels, has highlighted the problematic position where, for example, Michael Gove is expected to act both as Secretary of State for Agriculture for the UK Government and the Secretary of State for Agriculture for England.

As Brexit widens the scope for disagreement, the absence of an separate English voice will become more and more untenable, as both House of Commons and Lords select comittees have recognised,

And the union itself is not in great shape.

In no part of the UK is British clearly the identity of the majority.

The British in Scotland and Wales are the ones who don’t like the EU. The British in England are the ones who do.

To quote Ailsa Henderson again:

‘The UK is not now, nor has it been for a long time, a union of shared identities.’

Some polls suggest a majority in Northern Ireland would consider Irish reunification and Scottish nationalists contemplate a second referendum.

For England, volatile electoral politics increases the likelihood that the UK government will depend on support from MPs from outside England.

The prospect of SNP-Labour cooperation spooked English voters in 2015 and may do again.

Conservative dependence on the bigotry and pork barrelling of the DUP has attracted less public attention. But if Labour were more obviously a popular government in waiting, the legitimacy of the DUP deciding who governs England would be more widely questioned.

These Brexit tensions should fuel England’s democratic moment.

It is striking how many would be relieved if England were to gain its own political nationhood within a re-founded union.

England needs its own nationhood.

If the union is to survive, Wales, Scotland and Northern Ireland need to constrain England’s pretensions to speak for the union as a whole.

If England had nationhood there would no doubt about who spoke for England in discussions within the UK.

With a re-founded union, it would be UK government, not England, that spoke for the whole of the union.

As we can see, while the presumption of unionism has been that the union depends on denying England its nationhood, the reality is the opposite. It is the denial of England’s nationhood that is the central, destabilising threat to the union.

As Brexit tensions grow, so will the possibility and need for coherent constitutional change.

National identities

But we need to understand what is involved in making England sovereign and democratic.

I’ve talked about the exclusion of the English. But a sovereign England must be a nation for all its people. For those who do not emphasise Englishness as much as for those who do.

If we look at public support for an English Parliament, more people support it than those who don’t. Particularly if it were created within the existing Commons.

But while the more English already support the idea, the more British are less keen.

To win them over, the case for a parliament for England must be civic and democratic, not just a parliament for the English.

But as we have seen, at the extremes at least, English and British have become badges of our cultural divide.

Rather than being identities that bring us together, they often mark our inability to talk to each other on the issues that divide: immigration, fairness, our rights and our obligations to our fellow citizens, welfare, crime, punishment, patriotism and defence.

As England emerges from the shadow of the post-imperial unitary state, and we challenge the ‘presumption of unionism’, we need a story of what this nation is going to be.

We will always have multiple identities, but within them we need a shared story about who we are, how we came to be here, and what we share in common.

This cannot be about one story or one identity triumphing at the expense of the others. It is unlikely that either will become the dominant identity in England, and both have distinct problems.

Neither Englishness nor Britishness as we currently know them can play that role. Their different meanings have become signifiers of our polarised cultural divide. They mark our inability to talk to each other on the issues like immigration, fairness, welfare, crime and diversity.

Englishness is strong, but it is still contested between a minority who insist it is a white ethnic identity and the majority who see it as diverse. Britishness has no consistent story of its own, and will always be torn between its unionist, imperial and cosmopolitan meanings.

We have to tell a new story.

A story that draws on the history, of the one of the world’s oldest nation states, on the relationships forged within in the union.

It must be a story of those who benefitted from empire and those who suffered from it.

It will be about shared struggles and shared sacrifices.

We’ve made little effort so far to enable millions of recent migrants to share in England’s national story.

It has to include all those things that make us what we are today.

This cannot be about one story or one identity triumphing at the expense of the others.

Some say Englishness should be rejected because Britishness is more widely accepted amongst minorities and new migrants.  

But to promote British identity at the expense an English identity felt strongly by four out of five people in England, and on that basis, would simply create a simmering pool of resentment amongst those who already feel they have no voice; those who say, ‘You are not even allowed to say you are English any more’.

Today’s diverse Britishness is actually a triumph of that much maligned movement – state-sponsored multi-culturalism.

But multi-culturalism focussed on a notion of equal British citizenship.  You cannot be an English citizen, and Englishness has never had the same treatment.  English identity has been left to find its own way.

The surprise, perhaps, is not how badly it has done, but how well. Gareth Southgate’s diverse team English team does indeed represent a modern English identity. English is a still a contested identity but has been steadily becoming more diverse.

We need to build on what civic society is already doing: developing a diverse, open and accepting story of England. But we cannot leave it to sport – even in the hands of intelligent and sensitive interlocutors like Southgate.

We need to be much more ambitious than that.

And we can look, enviously, over the border.

One way of exploring national identity is to see whether it is shared equally amongst people who otherwise hold quite different values. Values mode mapping does just; placing people not by demographics but by values: Socially conservative settlers; self-interested Prospectors; liberal Pioneers.

In this work, done for Jon Cruddas’ review of the 2015 election by the Campaign Company, we can see that in England, both British and English identities are more important to those who are more socially conservative. Much less so to the liberal Pioneers.

(Although the charts above cover England and Wales, English respondents were 90-95% of the sample)

But in Scotland, it is very different. Saying Scottish identity as important is not related to underlying social values.

This is the product of the long process of nation building, of arguing for independence and for devolution, of a constitutional convention. And the establishment of a Parliament and a government engaged in shaping national identity.

On the Scottish Government you will find this statement:

‘Scotland's identity is owned by its people, but Government has a key part to play in building pride in a strong, fair and inclusive national identity through its ability to lead, act and communicate’

This has been the view of every Scottish government and it produces communications like this

Needless to say, the UK government has never ever said any similar about England; made no attempt to frame or shape English identity. Identity is not just for civic society. It needs to be a role of government too.

The need for nation building

To pull together the strands of my argument.

Brexit was made in England, in a divided nation lacking its own institutions, democracy and sovereignty, unable to tackle its divisions.

No possible outcome of Brexit will, of itself, heal those divisions. They will continue to disrupt politics in unpredictable and disruptive ways. Brexit is tearing at the UK’s fragile constitution.

Brexit must be England’s democratic moment.

But let’s not underestimate the scale of the task.

We need to change the language of political conversation so that when we mean England, we say England; we talk about the English not just the British.

But England needs new national story that brings together the stories of Englishness and of Britishness.

We have to search for the common ground on issues that divide us

We need to create new institutions or re-shape the existing ones: a parliament in which laws are made and the nation shaped; irreversible devolution within England.

England’s nationhood can unlock many of the problems facing the union, but the union will need to be re-founded.

That’s quite a programme of change.

A new language of politics, a new identity of nationhood, new institutions, a new understanding of sovereignty and democracy, new relationships with the rest of the union.

This, surely, is no less than nation building.

Having watched the House of Commons for the past couple of years, what I am going to say may not sound as radical as it might once have done.

I’m not sure our political leaders and political parties are up to the job.

Or at least, not on their own.

We want them to endorse the process, to support it, but not to believe they can resolve it.

We need a popular and participative citizen-led process of change, with a citizens’ constitutional assembly to help determine where power should lie in England if we want a society that is economically and socially inclusive.

Representative groups of people from across England, can resolve if they want a parliament for England and what form should can take.  

We will find out how power should be devolved within England and whether the people of England imagine that they live in the standard English regions so beloved by London’s bureaucrats and policy wonks (and too many Scottish politicians) or whether we should devolve power to places we can name, with boundaries we understand, and with people with whom we share a common interest.

This popular constitutional convention will be just one part of telling a shared national story for England.

It will need many people who are committed to making the process work

To bring people together, in every part of England, to share their stories about who we are, how we came to be here and what we share in common. It will need to work in civic society, at the grass roots, but it also needs the engagement and endorsement of local councils and central government. ��

We’ll need the critical contribution of writers, dramatists, film makers, artists, and academics; of faith groups, of England’s richness of voluntary organisations. Every library, gallery, museum, school and university should be a point of exploration of what England means to each of us.

The idea of building England as a nation is not new. Alfred started it, the Normans came around to it, we did it again when we broke from Rome. From the civil war, to the Bill of Rights and in the gradual transition from a nation of the powerful to one that includes the commons, England has reinvented herself many times in response to the historic moment of the day.

Brexit should be one of those moments.

[suchagiantnerd]

54 Books, 1 Year

2018 was my first full year back at work after my mat leave, and thanks to all the time I spend on the subway, my yearly reading total is back up to over 50 books!

2018 was a dark year, and I made a conscious effort to read more books from authors on the margins of society. The more those of us with privilege take the time to listen to and learn from these voices, the better we’ll be as friends, colleagues and citizens.

You’ll also notice a lot of books about witchcraft and witches in this year’s list. What can I say? Dark times call for resorting to ANYTHING that can help dig us out of our current reality, including putting a hex on Donald Trump.

Trigger Warning: Some of the books reviewed below are about mental illness, suicide, domestic violence, sexual assault, and violence against people of colour, Indigenous people and people in the LGBTQ community.

Here are this year’s mini reviews:

1.       The Lottery and Other Stories / Shirley Jackson

Jackson’s short stories were published in the late forties and fifties, but their slow-burning creep factor holds up today. The stories involve normal people doing normal things until something small gives, and we realize something is really wrong here. As you read through the collection, take note of the mysterious man in blue. He appears in about half of the stories, always in the margins of the action. Who is he? I read him as a bit of a trickster figure, bringing chaos and mayhem with him wherever he goes. Other people have read him as the devil himself. Let me know what you think!

2.       The Ship / Antonia Honeywell

I was excited to read this YA novel about a giant cruise ship-turned-ark, designed and captained by the protagonist Lalla’s father in a dystopic near future. The premise of the book is great and brings up lots of juicy questions – where is the ship going? How long can the passengers survive together in a confined space? How did Lalla’s father choose who got to board the ship? But the author’s execution was a disappointment and focused far too much on Lalla’s inner turmoil and immaturity.

3.       The Hot One: A Memoir of Friendship, Sex and Murder / Carolyn Murnick

My book club read this true crime memoir detailing the intense, adolescent friendship between Carolyn, the author, and Ashley, who was murdered in her home in her early 20s a few years after the girls’ friendship fizzled. Murnick is understandably destroyed by the murder and obsessed with the killer’s trial. The narrative loops back and forth between the trial and the girls’ paths, which diverged sharply after Ashley moved away in high school. Murnick (the self-proclaimed nerdy one) muses on the intricacies of female friendship, growing up under the microscope of the male gaze, and the last weekend she ever spent with Ashley (the hot one). This is an emotional, detailed account of a woman trying her best to bear witness to her friend’s horrific death and to honour who she was in life.

4.       The Break / Katherena Vermette

Somebody is brutally attacked on a cold winter night in Winnipeg, and Stella, a young Métis woman and tired new mother is the only witness – and even she isn’t sure what she saw. The police investigation into the attack puts a series of events in motion that make long-buried emotions bubble to the surface and ripple outwards to touch a number of people in the community, including an Indigenous teenager recently released from a youth detention center, one of the investigating officers (a Métis man walking a fine line between two worlds), and an artist. This is a tough read, especially in the era of #MMIW and #MeToo, but all the more important because of it.

5.       So You Want to Talk About Race / Ijeoma Oluo

Probably the most important book I read this year, I will never stop recommending this read to anyone and everyone. This is your Allyship 101 syllabus right here, folks. Do you really want to do better and be better as an ally? Then you need to read every chapter closely and start implementing the lessons learned right away. This book will teach you about tone policing, microaggressions and privilege, and how all of those things are harmful to people of colour and other marginalized communities.

6.       The Accusation / Bandi

This is a collection of short stories by a North Korean man (written under a pseudonym for his protection as he still lives there). The stories were actually smuggled out of the country for publication by a family friend. The characters in these stories are regular people living regular lives (as much as that is possible in North Korea). What really comes across is the fine line between laughter and tears while living under the scrutiny of a dangerous regime. There are several scenes where people laugh uncontrollably because they can’t cry, and where people start to cry because they can’t laugh. This book offers a rare perspective into a hidden world.

7.       Being Jazz: My Life as a (Transgender) Teen / Jazz Jennings

Some of you will be familiar with Jazz via the TLC show about her and her family, “I Am Jazz”. I’d never seen it but was inspired to read the book to gain a better understanding about what coming out as trans as a child is like. Jazz came out to her family at 5 years old (!) and her parents and siblings have had her back from the beginning. If you are still having a tough time understanding that trans women are women, full stop, this book will help get you there.

8.       A Field Guide to Getting Lost / Rebecca Solnit

When it comes to the books that gave me “all the feels”, this one tops the 2018 list. Solnit is everything - historian, writer, philosopher, culture lover, explorer. Her mind is always making connections and as you follow her through her labyrinthine thoughts you start to feel connected too. Her words on loss, nostalgia and missing a person/place/time actually made me cry, they were so true. For me, an agnostic leaning towards atheism, she illuminated the magic in the everyday that made me feel more spiritually rooted to life than I have in a long time.

9.       I Found You / Lisa Jewell

Lots of weird and bad things seem to happen in British seaside towns, don’t they? This is another psychological thriller, à la “The Girl on the Train” and “Gone Girl”. One woman finds a man sitting on the beach one morning. He has no idea who he is or how he got there. Miles away, another woman wakes up one morning to find her husband has vanished. Is the mystery man on the beach the missing husband? Dive into this page-turner and find out!

10.   The Midnight Sun / Cecilia Ekbäck

This novel is the sequel to a historical Swedish noir book I read a few years ago. Though it’s not so much a sequel, as it is a novel taking place in the same setting – Blackasen Mountain in Lapland. This story actually takes place about a hundred years after the first novel does, so it can be read on its own. Ekbäck’s stories dive into the effect of place on people – whether it’s the isolation of a harsh and long winter or the mental havoc caused by the midnight sun on sleep patterns, the people on Blackasen Mountain are always strained and ready to explode. (Oh, and there’s also a bit of the supernatural happening on this mountain too – but just a bit!)

11.   After the Bloom / Leslie Shimotakahara

Strained mother-daughter relationships. The PTSD caused by immigration and then being detained in camps in your new home. Fraught romances. Shimotakahara’s novel tackles all of this and more. Taking place in two times – 1980s Toronto and a WWII Japanese internment camp in the California desert – this story of loss, hardship, betrayal and family is both tragic and hopeful.

12.   Company Town / Madeline Ashby

In this Canadian dystopian tale, thousands of people live in little cities built on the oil rigs off the coast of Newfoundland. Hwa works as a bodyguard for the family that owns the rigs and is simultaneously trying to protect the family’s youngest child from threats, find out who is killing her sex-worker friends, mourn her brother (who died in a rig explosion), and work through her own self-esteem issues. Phew! If it sounds like too much, it is. I really did like this book, but I think it needed tighter editing and focus.

13.   The Power / Naomi Alderman

In the near-future, women and girls all over the world develop the ability to send electrical shocks out of their hands. With this newfound power, society’s gender power imbalance starts to flip. The U.S. military scrambles to try and work this to their advantage. A new religious movement starts to grow. And Tunde, a Nigerian photographer (and a dude!) travels the world, trying to document it all. This is an exciting novel that seriously asks, “what if?” in which many of the key characters cross paths.

14.   Milk and Honey / Rupi Kaur

Everyone’s reading it, so I had to too! Kaur’s poems are refreshing and healing, and definitely accessible. This is poetry for the people, for women, for daughters, mothers and sisters. These are poems about how women make themselves small and quiet, about our inner anger, about sacrifice, longing and love.

15.   Tell It to the Trees / Anita Rau Badami

In the dead of winter in small-town B.C., the body of big-city writer Anu is found outside of the Dharmas’ house, frozen to death. Anu had been renting their renovated shed, working on a novel in seclusion. As we get to know the Dharmas – angry and controlling Vikram, his quiet and frightened wife Suman, the two children, and the ghost of Vikram’s first wife, Helen, we feel more and more uneasy. Was Anu’s death just a tragic accident, or something else entirely? There is a touch of “The Good Son” in this novel…

16.   You Are a Badass: How to Stop Doubting Your Greatness and Start Living an Awesome Life / Jen Sincero

This book was huge last year and my curiosity got the better of me. But I can’t, I just can’t subscribe to this advice! All of this stuff about manifesting whatever you want reeks of privilege and is just “The Secret” repackaged for millennials and Gen-Z. Thank u, next!

17.   All the Things We Never Knew: Chasing the Chaos of Mental Illness / Sheila Hamilton

Shortly after a diagnosis of bipolar disorder, Hamilton’s husband, David, took his own life after years of little signs and indicators that something wasn’t right. Her memoir, in the aftermath of his death, is a reckoning, a tribute, and a warning to others. In it, she details the fairy tale beginning of their relationship (but even then, there were signs), the birth of their only child, and the rocky path that led to his final choice. Hamilton’s story doesn’t feel exploitative to me. It’s an important piece in the global conversation about mental health and includes lots of facts and statistics too.

18.   This Is How It Always Is / Laurie Frankel

This is a beautiful novel about loving your family members for who they are and about the tough choices parents have to make when it comes to protecting their children. Rosie and Penn have five boys (that this modern couple has five children is the most unbelievable part of the plot, frankly), but at five years old, their youngest, Claude, tells the family that he is a girl. Claude changes her name to Poppy, and Rosie and Penn decide to move the whole family to more inclusive Seattle to give Poppy a fresh start in life. Of course, the move has consequences on the other four children as well, and we follow everybody’s ups and downs over the years as they adjust and adapt to their new reality.

19.   Dumplin’ / Julie Murphy

While I didn’t love the writing or any of the characters, I do need to acknowledge the importance of this YA novel in showing a fat teenager as happy and confident in who she is. Willowdean Dickson has a job, a best friend and a passion for Dolly Parton. She also catches the attention of cute new kid, Bo, and a sweet summer romance develops between the two (with all of the miscommunications and misunderstandings you’d expect in a YA plot). This is an important book in the #RepresentationMatters movement, and is now a Netflix film if you want to skip the read!

20.   Kintu / Jennifer Nansubuga Makumbi

This was touted as “the great Ugandan novel” and it did not disappoint! The first part of the novel takes place in 1754, as Kintu Kidda, leader of a clan, travels to the capital of Buganda (modern day Kampala) with his entourage to pledge allegiance to the new Kabaka. During the journey, tragedy strikes, unleashing a curse on Kintu’s descendants. The rest of the novel follows five modern-day Ugandans who are descended from Kintu’s bloodline and find themselves invited to a massive family reunion. As their paths cross and family histories unfold, will the curse be broken?

21.   The Child Finder / Rene Denfeld

I bought this at the airport as a quick and thrilling travel read, and that’s exactly what it was. Naomi is a private investigator with a knack for finding missing and kidnapped children. This is because she was once a kidnapped child herself. The plot moves back and forth in time between Naomi’s current case and her own escape and recovery. There was nothing exceptional about this book, but it’s definitely a page-turner.

22.   Difficult Women / Roxane Gay

Are the women in Gay’s short stories actually difficult? Or has a sexist, racist world made things difficult for them? I think you know what my answer is. The stories are at times beautiful - like the fairy tale about a woman made of glass, and at times violent and visceral – like a number of stories about hunting and butchering. Women are everything and more.

23.   My Education / Susan Choi

I suggested this novel to my book club and I will always regret it. This was my least favourite read of the year. I thought it was going to be about a sexy and inappropriate threesome or love triangle between a student, her professor, and his wife. Instead it had a few very unsexy sex scenes and hundreds and hundreds of pages about the minutiae of academic life. I can’t see anyone enjoying this book except English professors and grad students.

24.   Hope in the Dark: Untold Histories, Wild Possibilities / Rebecca Solnit

This series of essays was a balm to my soul after Ford won the provincial election. It reminded me that history is full of steps forward and steps back, and though things look bleak right now, there are millions of us around the world trying to make positive changes in big and little ways as we speak.

25.   The Woman in Cabin 10 / Ruth Ware

Another novel in the vein of “The Woman on the Train”, that is, a book featuring a young, female, unreliable narrator. Lo knows what she saw – or does she? There was a woman in the now empty Cabin 10 – or was there? And also, Lo hasn’t been eating or sleeping. But she’s been drinking a lot and not taking her medication. I’m kind of done with this genre – anyone else?

26.   My Brilliant Friend / Elena Ferrante

After hearing many intelligent women praise this novel (the first in a four-part series), my book club decided to give it a try. I didn’t fall in love with it, but I was sufficiently intrigued by the intense and passionate friendship between Lila and Lenu, two young girls growing up in post-war Naples, that I will likely read the whole series. Many claim that no writer has managed to capture the intricacy of female friendship the way that Ferrante has.

27.   The Turquoise Table: Finding Community and Connection in Your Own Front Yard / Kristin Schell

This is Schell’s non-fiction account of how she started Austin’s turquoise table movement (which has now spread further into other communities). Schell was feeling disconnected from her immediate community, so she painted an old picnic table a bright turquoise, moved it into her front yard, and started sitting out there some mornings, evenings and weekends - sometimes alone, and sometimes with her family. Neighbours started to gather for chats, snacks, card games, and more. People got to know each other on a deeper level and friendships bloomed. This book is a nice reminder that small actions matter. A small warning though – Schell is an evangelical Christian, and I didn’t know this before diving in. There is a focus on Christianity in the book, and though it’s not quite preachy, it’s very in-your-face.

28.   Sing, Unburied, Sing / Jesmyn Ward

This was hands-down my favourite novel of the year. It’s a lingering and haunting look at the generational trauma carried by the descendants of those who were enslaved and lived during the Jim Crow era. One part road trip novel, one part ghost story, the plot follows a fractured, multi-racial family as they head into the broken heart of Mississippi to pick up the protagonist’s father, who has just been released from prison.

29.   Full Disclosure / Beverley McLachlin

This is the first novel by Canada’s former Chief Justice, Beverley McLachlin. As someone who works in the legal industry and has heard her speak, I couldn’t wait to get my hands on this. But, with all due respect to one of the queens, the book was very ‘meh’. The plot was a little over the top, the characters weren’t sufficiently fleshed out, and I felt that the backdrop of the Robert Pickton murders was somewhat exploitative and not done respectfully. Am I being more critical of this novel than I might otherwise be because the author is so intelligent? Likely yes, so you can take this review with a grain of salt.

30.   The Long Way Home / Louise Penny

This is the 10th novel in Penny’s Inspector Gamache mystery series. As ever, I fell in love with her descriptions of Quebec’s beauty, the small town of Three Pines, and the delicious food the characters are always eating. Penny’s books are the definition of cozy.

31.   In the Skin of a Lion / Michael Ondaatje

Ondaatje has the gift of writing novels that read like poetry, and this story is no exception. Taking place in Toronto during construction of the Don Valley bridge and the RC Harris water treatment plant, the plot follows a construction worker, a young nun, an explosives expert, a business magnate and an actress as they maneuver making a life for themselves in the big city and changing ideas about class and gender.

32.   The Story of a New Name / Elena Ferrante

This is the second novel in Ferrante’s four-part series about the complicated life-long friendship between Lila and Lenu. In this installment, the women navigate first love, marriage, post-secondary education, first jobs and new motherhood.

33.   The Happiness Project / Gretchen Rubin

In this memoir / self-help book, Rubin studies the concept of happiness and implements a new action or practice each month of the year that is designed to increase her happiness levels. Examples include practicing gratitude, going to bed earlier, making time for fun and learning something new. Her journey inspired me to make a few tweaks to my life during a difficult time, and I do think they’ve made me more appreciative of what I have (which I think is a form of happiness?)

34.   The Virgin Suicides / Jeffrey Eugenides

I loved the film adaptation of this novel when I was a teenager, but I’d never actually read it until my book club selected it. Eugenides paints a glimmering, ethereal portrait of the five teenaged Lisbon sisters living a suffocating half-life at the hands of their overly protective and religious parents. The story is told through the eyes of the neighbourhood boys who longed for them from a distance and learned about who they were through snatched telephone calls, passed notes and one tragic suburban basement party.

35.   Time’s Convert / Deborah Harkness

This is a supernatural fantasy novel that takes place in the same universe of witches, vampires and daemons as Harkness’ All Souls trilogy. The plot follows the romance between centuries-old vampire Marcus, who came of age during the American Civil War, and human Phoebe, who begins her own transformation into a vampire so that she and Marcus can be together forever.

36.   The Saturday Night Ghost Club / Craig Davidson

Were you a fan of the TV show “Are You Afraid of the Dark?” If yes, this novel is for you. Davidson explores the blurred line between real-life tragedy and ghost story over the course of one summer in 1980s Niagara Falls. A coming-of-age novel that’s somehow sweet, funny and sad all at once, this story delves into the aftershocks of trauma and the way we heal the cracks in families.

37.   Oh Crap! Potty Training: Everything Modern Parents Need to Know to Do It Once and Do It Right / Jamie Glowacki

I hoped this was the book for us, but I don’t think it was. Some of the tips were great, but others really didn’t work for us. The other issue is that the technique in this book is much better suited to kids staying at home with a caregiver, not kids in daycare.

38.   The Witch Doesn’t Burn in This One / Amanda Lovelace

This is a collection of poetry about women’s anger, women’s long memories and strength in sisterhood. It’s accessible, emotional and a bit of a feminist rallying cry. As someone who is obsessed with the Salem witch trials, I also loved the historical backdrop to the poems.

39.   The Rules of Magic / Alice Hoffman

I love to read seasonally, and this prequel to “Practical Magic” was a perfect October book. Remember Jet and Franny, the old, quirky aunts from the movie? This novel describes their upbringing, along with that of their brother Vincent, as the three siblings discover their powers and try to out-maneuver the Owens family curse.

40.   Witch: Unleased. Untamed. Unapologetic. / Lisa Lister

This book has a very sleek, appealing cover. Holding it made me feel magical. Reading it really disappointed me. From Lister’s almost outright transphobia to her unedited, repetitive style, this was a huge disappointment and I don’t recommend it.

41.   The Death of Mrs. Westaway / Ruth Ware

I liked this novel a lot more than Ware’s other novel, “The Woman in Cabin 10”. Crumbling English manor homes, long-buried family evils and people trapped together by snowstorms are my jam.

42.   Weirdo / Cathi Unsworth

Another British seaside town, another grisly murder. Jumping back and forth between a modern-day private investigation and the parental panic around cults and Satanism in the 1980s, Unsworth unpacks the darkness lurking within a small community and the way society’s outcasts are often used as scapegoats. The creep factor grows as the story unfolds.

43.   Mabon: Rituals, Recipes and Lore for the Autumn Equinox / Diana Rajchel

And so begins my witchy education. I have to admit, I really liked learning about the historical pagan celebrations and superstitions surrounding harvest time. I also liked reading about spells and incantations… ooooOOOOoooo!

44.   From Here to Eternity: Travelling the World to Find the Good Death / Caitlin Doughty

In North America, we are so removed from death that we are unequipped to process it when someone close to us dies. But this doesn’t have to be the case. In this non-fiction account, Doughty, a mortician based in L.A., travels the world learning about the business of death, the cultural customs around mortality, and the rituals of care and compassion for the deceased in ten different places. It seems that the closer we are to death, the less we’ll fear it, and the better-equipped we’ll be to process loss and grief in healthy ways.

45.   Samhain: Rituals, Recipes and Lore for Halloween / Diana Rajchel

Did you know that Samhain is actually pronounced “Sow-en”? I didn’t until I read this book, and felt very intelligent indeed, when later, while watching “The Chilling Adventures of Sabrina” on Netflix, the head witch pronounced the word as “Sam-hain”, destroying the writers’ credibility in one instant. I am a witch now.

46.   See What I Have Done / Sarah Schmidt

This novel is a retelling of the Lizzie Borden murders, illuminated through four characters – Lizzie herself, the Borden’s maid Bridget, Lizzie’s sister, and a mysterious man hired the day before the murders by Lizzie’s uncle to intimidate Mr. Borden (one of the murder victims). I knew very little about the murders before reading this book, but this version of the tale strongly suggests that Lizzie really is the murderer. Unhinged, childlike, selfish and manipulative, I hated her so much and felt awful for everyone that had to live in her orbit.

47.   The Nature of the Beast / Louise Penny

In the 11th installment of Penny’s Inspector Gamache mystery series, she sets the story up with a parallel to the boy who cried wolf and introduces us to her first killer without a soul. Crimes of passion and greed abound in Penny’s universe, but a crime of pure, cold evil? This is a first.

48.   How Are You Going to Save Yourself? / J.M. Holmes

This is a powerful collection of short stories about what it’s like to be a Black man in America right now. It’s about Black male friendship, fathers and sons, outright racism and dealing with a lifetime of microaggressions. Holmes makes some risky and bold decisions with his characters, even playing into some of the harmful stereotypes about Black men while subverting some of the others. This book really stayed with me. One disturbing story in particular I kept turning around and around in my mind for days afterward.

49.   Split Tooth / Tanya Tagaq

This is a beautiful story about a young Inuit girl growing up in Nunavut in the 1970s, combining gritty anecdotes about bullying, friendship, family and addiction with Inuit myth, legend, and the magic of the Arctic. The most evocative and otherworldly scenes in the novel took place under the Northern Lights and left me kind of mesmerized.

50.   Motherhood / Sheila Heti

Heti’s book is a work of fiction styled as a memoir, during which the protagonist, nearing her 40s, weighs the pros and cons of having a baby. I’ve maybe never felt so “seen” by an author before. I agonized over the decision about whether to have a baby for years before finally making a decision. The unsatisfying, but freeing conclusion that both the author and I came to is that for many of us there is no right choice (but no wrong choice either).

51.   The Mistletoe Murder and Other Stories / P.D. James

This is a short collection of James’ four “Christmas-y” mysteries published over the course of a number of years. It was a perfect cozy read to welcome the holiday season.

52.   The Christmas Sisters / Sarah Morgan

Morgan’s story is a Hallmark holiday movie in book form. A family experiencing emotional turmoil at Christmas? Check. Predictable romances, old and new? Check. A beautiful, festive setting? Check. (In this case, it’s a rustic inn nestled in the Scottish Highlands). This novel is fluff, but the most delightful kind.

53.   Jonny Appleseed / Joshua Whitehead

Jonny is a Two-Spirit Ojibway-Cree person who leaves the reservation in his early 20s to escape his community’s homophobia and make it in the city. Making ends meet as a cybersex worker, the action begins when he has to scrape together enough cash to make it home to the “rez” (and all the loose ends he left behind there) for a funeral. The emotional heart of the novel are Jonny’s relationships with his kokum (grandmother) and his best friend / part-time lover Tias.

54.   Yule: Rituals, Recipes and Lore for the Winter Solstice / Susan Pesznecker

Do you folks believe that I’m a witch now? I am, okay? I even spoke an incantation to Old Mother Winter while staring into the flame of a candle after reading this book.

55.   Half Spent Was the Night: A Witches’ Yuletide / Ami McKay

Old-timey witches? At Christmas time? At an elaborate New Year’s Eve masked ball? Be still my heart. This novella was just what I wanted to read in those lost days between Christmas and New Year’s. You’ll appreciate it even more if you’ve already read Ami McKay’s previous novel “The Witches of New York”, as it features the same characters.