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mammonshuman92 · 3 years

Text

- Joy Ride -

(Saeyoung x F!MC)

**TW: cussing, implied seggs, my shitty writing lol

“No, wait! Y/N this wasn’t part of the bet!” Saeyoung exclaimed, following close behind you.

You spun on your heel to face him, “The deal was, that if I got a perfect score on my final exam, I got to do one thing, anything I wanted. That’s what you said, right?”

“Um, w-well yeah, but I thought it’d be like, bedroom stuff or something. Not this.” He sounded so desperate. “Besides, I didn’t think you’d actually do it.”

“Saeyoung!” You shouted, playfully slapping his arm and acting as if you were offended.

“Ow! What? I’ve seen your test scores. I thought this was an easy win for me.” He confessed.

“Rude.” You turned away from him and continued walking down the hallway, reaching the door of your destination. You stopped, and faced him again.

“What were you gonna ask for, had you won?” You asked, curiously.

He wiggled his eyebrows at you, “Bedroom stuffs.”

You rolled your eyes and giggled, “Geez, you horn dog!”

You opened the door, and flicked on the light.

“It’s not to late to change your mind, Y/N! I-I’ll get you a puppy! Or we can do those tik tok thirst traps you”re always trying to talk me into. Please, Y/N. Anything but this.”

His last-ditch efforts to persuade you weren’t working. You wouldn’t change your mind.

“No deal.” You said, nonchalantly grabbing a set of keys off their place on the holder on the wall, and jingling them at him.

“Get in. We’re going for a drive.”

“Y/N please, I’m begging you. Not my babies!” He was all but having a nervous breakdown in the passenger seat.

“Calm down, Sae. She will come back in the exact condition she’s in now.” You said, marveling at the jet black interior. The back light behind the dash and all the controls was the same color red as the exterior. You felt like a kid in a candy store.

Saeyoung groaned in the seat next you you. “Why did you have to pick the most expensive one though?”

The car you chose happened to be a limited edition Herrari, highly customized, and extremely pricey. It was definitely his favorite one.

“Because of why it’s the most expensive.” You said, practically bouncing in your seat. You turned the key, and she roared to life. Adrenaline rushed through you.

Your response slightly confused him. “Because you look cool?”

You scoffed, “That’s just a perk, I guess.” You buckled your seat belt, then turned to look at him. “I’m after that customized, super charged engine.” You confessed, quickly putting it in gear and zooming out of the garage.

You were weaving in and out of traffic with ease, heading for a more secluded area. Saeyoung kept making odd little noises beside you, and you were sure you even heard him silently praying.

You chuckled at him, “Relax, alright? I’m an excellent driver. Probably even better than you.”

Oh, now he’s salty.

“No one knows my babies better than I do.” He said, matter-of-factly, crossing his arms over his chest. You laughed at him.

“There’s things about me that even you don’t know, Mr. Hacker.” Your mysteriousness has intrigued him.

“Do tell.” He prompted you.

“My folks owned a mechanic shop.” You began, “I grew up in that garage, learning to work on all kinds of cars. From oil changes on family minivans, to fully customizing sports cars. Like this one.” You gently patted the steering wheel. “I’ve always been around cars.”

“A basic background check revealed that after you first came to the RFA.”

“Yes, but the most important part is secret. It can’t be found on any files, anywhere.”

Traffic had thinned out a lot, now that the sun was starting to set, leaving the highway wide open. You accelerated, knowing that you would soon reach your destination. He did seem to be relaxing a little.

To say that Saeyoung was curious, was an understatement. He loved unearthing secrets. It’s kinda what he does.

You exited the highway onto the all too familiar secluded stretch of road you knew so well.

Saeyoung looked out the window and turned to you, his eyes were big and curious. What were you planning?

“Go on.” He urged.

“Well, when I got old enough, my Dad let me in on the family business that happened after hours: street racing.”

“Street racing? But, why would that be secret?” He asked.

You pulled into what looked like an abandoned lot. The thick cover of trees kept it well hidden while you were on the road. It wasn’t until you pulled further in, that he noticed several sets of lights. He was so confused.

When you got closer, he noticed that the lights were actually headlights, belonging to dozens of drool worthy sports cars.

“Well, you see, it’s kinda... illegal.” You confessed with a sheepish grin.

He looked at you with wide eyes, mouth slightly hanging open.

“Y/N L/N! You? Illegal?” He put his hand over his heart as if he were shocked. Although, he really was.

“Oh, stop! Like you didn’t use to do all kinds of illegal things before you got out of the agency.”

“Well yeah, but this is you we’re talking about! Sweet, innocent Y/N. Well, you’re not very innocent when we-”

“Sae!” You yelled, causing him to laugh at you.

“For real though. I would’ve never pegged you as someone to be into something like this.” He said, gesturing to all the other cars in front of you.

“You should know better than anyone that you shouldn’t judge a book by it’s cover, 707.” He smiled at you.

Although his time with the agency was agonizing, he didn’t mind the use of his old code name. Especially if it came from you.

You circled around, and parked the car at the very end of the line. You popped the hood and got out of the car. Saeyoung followed suit, and propped the hood open. His car wasn’t the most customized car there, but it was one of the rarest which quickly drew in a flock of enthusiasts.

“Shall we, 606?” Saeyoung was smiling as he extended his hand out to you. You took it, intertwining your fingers in his.

The two of you walked around, hand-in-hand, looking at all the other cars and talking specs with the owners. Saeyoung was in Heaven. His “precious babies” wish list was getting longer by the minute. You couldn’t help but giggle at him.

“So, what about all of this makes it illegal?” He asked.

You were now sitting on the little grassy hill behind all the cars, watching as one after the other raced each other.

The empty lot used to belong to a mall that was demolished long ago, leaving behind the giant lot and the long stretch of road attached to it. It became abandoned after the new highway was built. It was the perfect place for racing though.

“Some of these cars have parts in them that make them illegal.” you explained, “the parts themselves are in fact legal, like the engine and spoilers and stuff. But after they’re customized, they make the car much faster and it’s no longer ‘street legal.’ They’re not as worried about the car parts as much as they are about the racing, though.”

Saeyoung nodded in understanding, turning toward you slightly, “So, how exactly did your parents get into all of this?” He asked, gesturing around you.

You pulled your knees to your chest, wrapping your arms around your legs, “My dad’s always been a gear head, so when he overheard a conversation about some underground racing ring, he had to go see it for himself. He ended up meeting my mom at one of those races, too. Our whole family is car crazy.” You said with a laugh.

“Does it bother you? I mean, the legality of it all?” He, more than anyone, knew the toll getting mixed up in illegal activity to take on a person. Granted, his was far worse than some illegal car parts, but still.

“Kinda, but we just wanna race fast cars. We don’t want to hurt anyone, which is why we come all the way out here. There’s far worse criminals than us.” That doesn’t justify it, but whatever.

As you were talking, you noticed some of the people around the two of you started to scramble. You jumped up from where you had been sitting.

Saeyoung, immediately reverting to fight or flight Agent 707 mode, was on his feet in an instant.

“What is it? What’s wrong?” He asked, voice heavy with concern, scanning your face.

Just then, through the trees right before you turn into the lot, you saw flashing lights. Someone behind you shouted.

“Cops!”

You turned to Saeyoung, “C’mon, we gotta go! Now!”

You ran to the car, pulling Saeyoung by the hand behind you, and got in the driver’s seat. You wasted no time starting the engine, thinking over your escape plan.

Several cop cars were pouring into the lot. You buckled the seat belt and took a deep breath. Saeyoung seemed surprisingly calm, given the situation.

“You’re not nervous?” You asked.

“About the cops? Nah. The driving I’m sure you’re about to do in my most precious baby? Absolutely.”

“You haven’t even seen driving yet.” You said with a devilish grin, prompting him to buckle up.

People all around you jumped in their cars and sped off. You put it in drive and accelerated quickly, going the opposite way as the majority. A few others following suit, seeming to be aware of this most unused exit.

“Isn’t that the only way in here?” Saeyoung asked, referring to the entrance the cops kept flooding in from, you shook your head.

“When the mall was still here, there were several ways in and out. Some of those are impassable now due to the demo of the building, or because nature took over and it’s now overgrown. However, there are still a couple ways out.” You assured him, “And, aren’t you the one who said to always have an exit strategy?” He grinned slightly.

“You’ve learned well, 606.” You smiled at the use of your favorite nickname.

The exit you took was a little different than the highway you took to get here. It was considered a “back way” out. The secluded road was a little curvier, with some small hills thrown in.

During the daylight, the scenery was beautiful but at night it could be dangerous if you weren’t careful. To make sure you were always prepared, your father made you drive all over the area around the racing lot, until you knew every entrance and exit like the back of your hand.

The speedometer steadily climbed, the car hugging every twist and turn, like it was made specifically for this road. After a couple random turns, you were sure you had long lost any cops that may have followed you. You let up on the gas a little, letting your current speed slowly fall back into the “Saeyoung’s most precious baby” approved range.

“Whoa.” Saeyoung said quietly, he hadn’t said anything since you first got in the car.

“You okay?” You were worried that maybe he was on the verge of losing it. A lot of people can’t handle going such high speeds. They either get really scared, or puke. Or both.

“That was...amazing!!” He yelled, his sudden outburst startling you, before laughing at his reaction.

“Oh, yeah? Does that mean I can drive your cars more often?”

He turned to face you, giving you his sweetest smile.

“Absolutely not.”

“What?! Why?” You protested.

“Y/N, this is a limited edition Herarri.”

“Sae, c’mon. You’ve got to open up the engine every now and the-”

You stopped mid-sentence when you noticed a set of headlights pop up behind you. Saeyoung looked at you curiously, waiting for you to finish. He turned around in his seat to look out the back window when he noticed that you kept looking in the rear view. Then, flashing lights.

“Shit! I was sure I lost them.” You hissed, quickly stepping on the gas. “How did they find us?”

“Now what?” Saeyoung asked, turning back around in his seat.

“We lose them for real.”

The speedometer slowly kept climbing, reaching the triple digits. You flew down the straight stretch of highway, the flashing lights behind you barely keeping up with your speed.

“Sae?”

“Yeah?”

“I’m sorry for what I’m about to do.”

“Huh? What do you mean? Y/N?”

Getting off the road and laying low was your best option right now. Home wasn’t too far from your current location, and in order to make it there with enough time to hide the car in the garage and throw them off the trail, you couldn’t compromise your speed.

You pressed harder on the gas pedal, the arm on the speedometer rising rapidly.

“Y/N?” By his tone, you could tell Saeyoung was getting nervous, but you didn’t let up.

“Remember the turns up here? Y/N?”

The lights behind you were getting further and further away. You were losing them. You were going to make it.

You were quickly approaching the turns he had mentioned, the ones right before the house. Almost there.

“Hang on!” You instructed right before the first turn.

“Y/N! No, no, no, no!”

The car beautifully drifted around the turn, losing the cops that more much, and Saeyoung losing his mind.

You went around the second turn with ease as well, the back tires losing traction, spinning freely. It was all so smooth, even at these high speeds.

You straightened out after coming out of the last turn, cops unable to catch up. The house was only about a few blocks away, as fast as you were going, you’d be there in no time.

Using his phone once you got in range, Saeyoung had the garage door open, awaiting your arrival.

You checked the rear view one last time, making sure they still hadn’t caught up. You were in the clear.

You screeched to a stop in the garage, quickly parking and bailing from the car. Saeyoung quickly slapped the button on the wall to shut the garage door while you turned off the lights.

The two of you quickly went inside, going right to Saeyoung’s computer. He pulled up the live security feed all around the perimeter. You watched the cops drive past the front of the house on the monitor. After a few minutes of no activity, Saeyoung decided the coast was clear. You let out a heavy sigh.

“Y/N..” Saeyoung said, voice quiet. His back was to you, still facing the monitors.

“Y-yeah?” You replied sheepishly.

You were in trouble. Big trouble.

“What you did... that was..”

“I’m sorry! I swear I won’t ev-” You started to apologize profusely before he cut you off.

“Awesome!!” He yelled, turning to face you, eyes wide with excitement.

“I’m sorry, what?” Surely you hadn’t heard him right.

“It was like we were in an action movie! It was incredible!”

“You do realize that your last job was as a secret agent, right? But, you think my driving was like an action movie?” You were so confused.

“Oh yeah! I mean, I can drive too, don’t get me wrong. I just never expected something like that from you.”

“What’s that supposed to mean?” You asked, crossing your arms over your chest.

“It means that my amazing, talented, beautiful girlfriend kept a truly awesome secret from me! Not fair, by the way.” He dramatically pooched out his bottom lip.

“I’m sorry I didn’t tell you Sae, it’s just that my family could get in trouble..”

“It’s okay, I understand. But..” He trailed off.

“But?”

“Well, after taking my most cherished and most expensive baby out drifting, she’s going to need some pampering.” He sounded serious, but the face he was making didn’t match. He was up to something for sure.

“Okay..? No problem. I am a mechanic, after all.”

“Then it’s a deal.” He said with a smirk. He promptly scooped you up and threw you over his shoulder.

“Ah! Saeyoung, what the hell?” You screeched, making him laugh.

“What? I’m paying up front. And I must say, I’m looking forward to doing business with you.” He said with a smirk, carting you off to to the bedroom, both of you giggling the whole way.

#mystic messenger #mystic messenger fluff #saeyoung fluff #saeyoung choi #saeyoung x reader #saeyoung x mc

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binniesthighs · 4 years

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hello stranger | reader x changbin |

a/n: this chapter is one that is very special to me and really echoes a lot of the same feelings that I’ve experienced through the years. writing this chapter felt really healing for me, as I hope maybe it can to you who might’ve felt the same. Because of this, please read the warnings below and read what you feel comfortable with! Remember that no matter who you are, or what you’ve gone through you absolutely deserve love!!

Part 5

Pairing: self insert, female reader x seo changbin, female reader x han jisung

Genre: strangers to lovers, fluff, smut, angst

Tags: (of this part) college au, rapper!changbin, rapper!jisung, establishedfwb!jisung, artist!reader, skz side characters, bestfriend!chan, bestfriend!felix, explicit language, HARD angst to FLUFFY fluff, mentions of alcohol, fingering (f receiving), squirting, dry humping, nipple play, protected sex, fluffy sex, cockwarming

CWs: implications of jealousy and possession (past), non-con pressure, fist fighting, quite a bit of blood, bruises, and other wounds, mentions of a scar, mentions of past toxic relationship, mentions of nausea, mentions of low self worth and self deprecating habits

Word count: 8.7k (grab a blanket, your plushie, some fuzzy socks...also I promise no other chapter will be this long LOL)

Chapters

-Two years ago, and some change-

Tonight was different. It could have been for a number of reasons. Maybe it was the way that he held onto your hand tighter than he usually did. You swayed your body next to his like you thought that you should have been doing. If you hadn’t you would have looked out of place. He hated when you looked out of place. The skimpy dress you had worn that night was just for him. You thought that he would like the way that the straps barely clung to your shoulders and the way that it was snug against your curves.

He was watchful. Silent. You had known him to be a generally loud and gregarious person. He had many friends. Many of his friends you really did like; but, there were others that you had liked less...the friends with wandering and judging eyes.

“Why her?” They would ask.

“You could do better.” They would whisper in his ear when they thought that you couldn’t hear.

“Isn’t she...boring?”

“Not boring when I’ve got her alone.”

The club was full of people; a suffocating amount. Bodies thrashed up against eachother in all their sweating heat. Shiny polyester and the tulle ruffles of shirts scratched against your skin in passing. Under the line of sight, no one could see where hands might reach or creep in the dark corners of that room. With the music blasting, no one could hearo f the sinful desires whispered from ear to ear.

“Don’t you want to get outta here?” He had craned down to give you his message.

“W-why don’t we just dance? I like this song.”

“But we’ve been here for so long.” His hand gripped tight on your arm. “Really. Let’s get out of here.”

“But--”

“Let’s bounce. I don’t wanna be here any more. Let’s go have fun somewhere else.”

Fear rose in your throat. His tone had changed to the one that you had been trying to keep at bay for weeks.

“Baby, I’m having fun!” You tugged back at your arm which he hadn’t released. Your brain worked quickly, and you did what you thought would’ve been distracting enough. You kissed him.

Hard and fast you shoved your tongue down his throat in ways that you only would do when it had been the two of you alone. The music was loud. No one could hear the way he forced a moan into your mouth. Your hands wove deeply into his hair that was swathed in that cologne of his that was dizzying. It was saltwater and cinnamon.

Your body pressed up flat against his chest and, as expected, he threw his arms back around you and kissed back with the same fervency that you tried to drench him in.

Your words were breathless. “Can we...stay?”

“Baby, how can you say that when you kissed me like that? God, if I could screw you right here and now...”

His friends had been watching. Or pretending not to watch. It was no lie that their eyes had been peeping from the corners.

“Let’s get some more drinks then? Hm? Maybe later we can head back to your--”

“--NO! I want you now.” His words were violent, and his hands starved in his feverish way, yet still, he sucked his devilish smile into your neck. “Baby, please.”

Just a few more drinks. That was all that it would take. Just a few more drinks and he would be a stumbling mess. He would forget his name and you and then he wouldn’t be able to take you anywhere. You loathed yourself for feeling that way, but it was the only solution you could think of.

“Let’s go out back. No one walks down that alley, you know so.”

A nervous laugh slipped off of your lips. “I-I know, but--it’s so cold outside, it’s snowing an-and it won’t be comfortable--”

“--I don’t need comfortable, I just need you.”

Lazily, his eyes met with one of his friendsand he flicked his finger to beckon him over. “You. Come with us. We’re gonna need someone to watch the door.”

His friend scoffed and shoved his glass into the hands of a stranger. “Fine. What are you gonna pay me back with?”

“I dunno, I’ll think of that later.”

Your arm wiggled, a slight attempt to free yourself of his grasp. “Babe, babe, come on. I-it’s risky, an-and--”

“--And what?!”

“I-I don’t...I don’t...”

“Babe I thought you liked it when we did risky stuff? Remember last week? The bathroom? You liked that didn’t you?”

“That-that was different.”

Above your heads the speakers boomed with a bass drop that you could feel vibrate in your chest. Strobe lights of dozens of different colors blinded your vision. Your head panged with a pain that must’ve been the alcohol, but with each passing second, you felt more and more lightheaded. Air just barely escaped from your lungs and your lungs felt like dead weight.

His voice had been muffled. Your feet started taking steps that didn’t feel like they were their own. He used his body mass to part the sea of bodies, drawing you farther and farther away from it all. The two men chuckled as you neared the back of the building where the haze from the stage seemed to accumulate.

“Stand right at this door and don’t let anyone get out from it. Don’t leave until we come back in.”

His friend rolled his eyes, then took out his showy looking pen to take a long drag. He blew it into the other man’s face. “Have fun you two.”

The cold winter air stung at your dry lungs. You realized then that you had forgotten your coat inside. Under your feet, flaky and white snow had mixed in potholes which had filled with iridescent oil. Together, the only thing that you could think of in that moment was how the two colors and mixed. In no way where they similar: one, black and slick, the other soft and pure. They made no sense.

“Ohhhh...Baby.”

His breath was hot and it steamed in the air like some kind of deadly and wispy poison. His hands were big. Much bigger than yours, and they seemed to wrap you all up in them. They were magnets to your hips which fell into them with ease. He must’ve been cold too you figured: goosebumps formed on his arms where the falling snow fell on them.

“You’re all mine. No one else’s. Don’t you ever forget that. Tell me. Who’s baby are you?”

“Y-yours.” Your voice trembled.

“That’s right.”

His freezing hands swept up both sides of your face and you prayed that he couldn’t feel the tears stream from your eyes to his fingers. All at once, you felt nauseous, you felt sick, shame, rage, embarrassment and fear. With the adrenaline pumping in your ears, you did something even you didn’t expect.

“S-stop.”

His mouth continued lapping over yours, even your words which you repeated,

“Stop!”

“Baby, we’re just getting started!” Frigid fingers crept up your shirt to your bare skin.

“I SAID STOP!”

You had bitten his lip, and the metallic taste of his blood dripped onto your lip.

“You bitch!” He stumbled, then wiped the blood to his finger.

Hot tears fell freely, and your body shook: perhaps it was the cold, or your fright, but it shook every part of you.

“What the fuck?!” He rose his hand in the air, “Who the fuck to you think--”

“--HEY!”

A voice echoed down the alley and bounced off the brick walls. He was a black outline, but it was undoubtedly him who had shouted. He was still, but all at once he started running, sprinting towards you and you cowered to the snow.

“Don’t you fucking--”

The other man ran right up to the both of you. He was shorter, but crashed into the other taller man with a fist raised. He nearly had to jump a little, but he had knocked him square in the face with a horrible fleshy sounding thud.

He finished his sentence, “-Don’t you fucking touch her!”

The shorter man rubbed at his knuckles which had bloodied quickly. Your boyfriend had slipped on the ice a few steps back, falling to the ground clumsily and wetting it from the blood dripping from his mouth and nose. He laughed incredulously.

“You pack quite a punch for a little guy don’t you? Well, you picked the wrong fight--”

He rose to his feet with fists raised, then took a swing at the other man. He was agile, and ducked with ease, then twisted around the taller’s body to punch into his ribs. Still he didn’t miss each punch, and your boyfriend landed hits to his face as well. The stranger fell to the ground this time, groaning out and splashing into the cotton snow. While he was down, the taller man kicked into his sides.

“How do you like that? Huh??? You have no FUCKING RIGHT. This is between me and my girlfriend, so, fuck. off.”

The stranger spat blood to the white snow. “A-actually, I did have a right.”

“What was that??” He kicked harder.

“You-you were going to hit her? Weren’t you? Who the hell hits their girlfriend?”

In one motion, the shorter man was back up on his feet, stumbling, but still swinging. He was weaker, but still punched into the taller man’s sides relentlessly. The two men sparred, and you felt frozen. It was as if you weren’t even breathing.

Stop. Stop. Stop. Your thoughts rang, but your voice couldn’t muster it.

“You’re the fucking--” Punch. “--Scum--” Punch. “--Of the--” Punch. “--Earth.”

Your boyfriend’s eyes had become bloodshot red. In a mix of furious arms, he had scraped his wristwatch against the other man who cried out with a horrible sounding whimper, and then a flash of red started to flow down his arm.

Your dress had soaked through with the freezing cold water and you had nearly buried your eyes into your arms. Never had you felt so small, so helpless.

“HEY! What’s going on down here?”

A flash of blue and red lights lit up the pitch black alley.

“What’s going on??”

The policeman’s voice buzzed over the loudspeaker on his car.

The shorter man was a crumple on the ground and he hissed out with pain from his teeth. His arm quivered with pain from the gash that had been pressed into it. By contrast, the peaceful snow fell lightly onto his body and got tangled into his curled, dark hair. Your boyfriend; you hadn’t even seen him turn to sprint down the opposite side of the alley.

Regardless, the stranger still managed, “Ar-are you okay? Did he hurt you?”

Your dry and tear-stained cheeks crinkled. “N-no. He didn’t.”

“T-that’s good. Listen, I-I need to go. I can’t afford for them to take me. Ask them to help you and take you home.

The clink of the policeman’s keys on his hip jingled as he neared.

“I’m sorry I have to run.” He stumbled to his feet. For a few seconds, you could see his eyes under the flickering yellow streetlight. They weren’t brown or black, but some kind of dark stormy grey.

He went running down the alley, as fast as he could manage with a limp to his leg and his dripping arm creating a trail behind him.

As he ran, he left behind him a scent, foreign in the winter air. You couldn’t name it exactly, but you had guessed at least for then, it might’ve been something like rosemary and cedarwood.

╚ ——————————————— ╝

2am, and you felt euphoric. Like a fucking cloud. Even though it was typical, there really were no other words that could describe it.

Felix and Chan bumped their hips against yours while they danced in the rhythm of the song that the DJ had played. Both of their bright smiles were utterly adorable, and the three of you doubled over in your laughter at each other’s terribly awkward dance moves. Chan made his best attempt at the robot, and Felix busted out some of his favorite internet dances. You rose your hand to the side of your face as if to say I don’t know them. Felix’s tiny hands interlaced into yours and you danced with him too while Chan mimed throwing dollar bills into the air.

“How much longer?” You yelled over the music until it scratched your throat.

“I don’t know! I didn’t get a chance to look at the line up!” Chan’s body bumped up against others in the crowd while he tried to check is phone. “It’s fine! I’m sure he should be coming on soon!”

You couldn’t remember the last time that you had been to a show that wasn’t to see Jisung. It was strange thinking about all of the things you used to worry about when you had gone to see him in the past: was your outfit sexy enough, had you remembered to put on your lip gloss...you’d even worry over stupid shit like if you had missed any spot on your legs while shaving.

None of those worries filled you now. The clothes that you had put on in your haste made little sense, and were a bit warm in the room where sweat practically dripped from the walls. You had even left your apartment in such a hurry--you had been working on a new piece from a spark of inspiration during midday.

“He said that he was going near the end I think!!” You informed your friends.

Chan did a little excited dance. You didn’t know if he was more thrilled over the fact that he was there or how you had promised to introduce him to Changbin after the show.

The lights shifted, turning from pink to blue, and the music faded too. Your beating heart slowed as the atmosphere changed and Felix clawed back onto your arm.

“Oh my God!!! I think that it’s gonna be him!!!” Chan nearly leapt into the air.

It was frightening how familiar it all felt; you felt as if you had been transported right to that first night, the night that you had met him and the night that he had entranced you up on that stage. Everything in the room darkened, and the smoke slithered onto the stage. Everyone had quieted with their focus narrowing on the empty expanse that had been set up all for him.

To the side of the stage, the announcer chuckled into the mic, “Ladies and Gents, as you know him...SPEAR B!”

Music erupted like a crack of lighting over the speakers and was so sudden that nearly everyone in the crowd jumped out of their skin. The spotlights flooded the stage in a blinding white light, and before your eyes could process it, he had thrown himself to centerstage with some kind of magic or trick of the eye. It was so confusing, all you could do was stand in shock.

Rapid fire lyrics flew off his tongue with lightspeed, and he carried himself around the stage with as much regality as a king. His hooded eyes held nothing but concentration at each of his words, and he threw his arms around with emphasis so you could hang onto every single syllable. He shone under the lights where he had adorned himself in his favorite array of silver and crystal jewelry: his trademark chain around his neck blinked like diamonds. Every curve of the muscles on his thick arms and thighs tensed and the vein on the side of his neck flared as he spoke. With a bite to his lip and an indulgent smile, he owned very single part of his own world.

He was fucking mesmerizing.

Felix and Chan were wildly flapping their bodies around and thrashing their heads along with every other body in the crowd, but you had stood still. It was unbelievable that you had been close to him. All your memories of him holding you softly in his arms, planting kisses into every tender inch of your skin seemed so far away, but so close. He couldn’t have been the same person.

Your heart swelled with a pain. It might’ve been warning, precautionary, or fearful. Or, it might’ve been warm, intoxicated, infatuated. Your own mind couldn’t comprehend it.

Over the hundreds of eyes in the crowd, somehow, he had found yours, and it was just as that first night had been. He was so massive, so crushing. His confidence was something so addictive and his gaze so thick that you felt as if it was crushing. Still, there was one thing that was different about it now.

He knew you. He wasn’t just some stranger.

He knew your ins and outs, he knew your fears, the way that you would shy away from him or how you would lean into him closer. After that one meeting, you had encompassed everything that he could imagine, as he did for you.

You had started as strangers, but now you couldn’t even imagine a time when you weren’t.

He had broken his composure for mere seconds to smile at you. It was a simple: I see you. And you see me.

It was cliché. Fucking cheesy as hell. God, it was sugary sweet and rotten; a phrase you hadn’t said in a year or more. But, with the dozens of other girls screaming it in that room, bumping with bodies and bass ringing, condensation on the walls and music louder than your own voice, you joined the cacophony. Even if he couldn’t hear you screamed the words with your whole chest:

“I FUCKING LOVE YOU SEO CHANGBIN!”

╚ ——————————————— ╝

The music had subsided, and the stage lit to normal as the stagehands switched around the arrangement for the next act. You and your two friends were out of breath and exhausted. Sweat beaded on all of your brows and you felt it dripping down your back as well. The three of you stood laughing out in your euphoria: it as a high like none other.

“Damn. Why do I really want ice cream right now?” Felix huffed out his laugher and slung Chan under his arm. “Doesn’t that sound like a really good idea?”

Chan whipped the damp strands of hair from his eyes. “That does sound like a really good idea. But...you think any places will be open?”

With surprised glances, the three of you burst out hysterically.

You wiped an exhilarated tear from your eye, “We’d have to go to the store.”

Somehow, it was the funniest thing that you could have said and Felix and Chan held their sides in their laughter.

“Do-do you think that Changbin would want to come with us?” Felix helped fix your sweater which had become a bit ajar on your frame.

“I don’t see why not.”

Chan did another adorable little dance. “Holy hell. I can ask him about his process!!!.” He scooped you up into a tight hug. “This is so exciting!!!!!”

“Just don’t...scare him away.” You patted into Chan’s hair with adoration.

“He should be back out any minute right? He said he would come looking for you?”

You nodded, feeling your heart start to race at the prospect. You hadn’t felt this giddy about the attention in a while--not at least, attention that had been given to you without a condition.

Behind your little group, you felt a tug on your wrist, then your cheeks swelled with warmth.

“Chang--”

“--Holy fuck! You actually came!!”

Jisung’s eyes lit up and an inhumanely wide smile spread across his face.

“...Jisung--”

“Oh my god, I can’t believe it, you actually came! Shit, I really thought that after we talked the other day that--”

Chan ripped Jisung’s grip from your wrist. “You better cut that out.” Once as giddy as he was before, his expression had turned deadly serious.

“What are you doing here?” Felix pushed you slightly behind him.

“Performing? This is my show too. I’m on in thirty. You’re here to see me too?”

“Like hell we are.” Chan rolled his eyes.

Jisung chose to ignore him, bringing his attention back to you.

“B-baby, thank you so much for coming, and for giving me another chance--”

“--Another chance? Y/n, what is he talking about?” Felix asked, then both of your friends eyes were on yours.

A knot formed back up in your throat with your decisions that you had let hang since you had las spoken to Jisung. You thought you had been clear enough to him, and you had told your friends you had thought that you had ended it.

Chan huffed out an authoritative sigh, “We’re leaving. Come on,” he wrapped an arm around both you and Felix. “Let’s just get out of here.”

“No! Wait! Y/n don’t leave! Let-let’s talk about this, y-you never let me see you any more, I’ve been missing you...missing you like crazy,” His grip reached out to you once more, pulling your whole arm closer to him with a pain that panged in your shoulder. “--since you’re here...let’s just talk this out okay?”

The music in the room grew louder once more, and the next act entered the stage with the announcer’s enthusiastic voice. The lights flashed out, and suddenly all of your bodies were bathed in red, pink, and blue light.

Another memory, from another night, flashed before your eyes. He held onto your arm tighter than he usually did. His incessant eyes pleaded over to yours like he had countless times before.

“Jisung, stop.”

“I-I just don’t understand! Let’s not do this here! Can’t we go somewhere private where the two of us can talk? Baby--”

Another hand grasped at your opposite arm, then it snuck around your waist.

“--What the hell do you think you’re doing to her?”

Changbin pulled you into his chest with a force that knocked the wind out of your lungs, then he immediately inspected the arm where the other had grabbed you so tightly.

“Did he hurt you? Let me see.”

Chan and Felix’s eyes widened in their shock.

Jisung pushed himself closer. “What the fuck do you think you’re doing Changbin? Don’t get involved in this, it doesn’t concern you.”

“Actually, yes, it does.”

Everything was unfolding before your eyes, and you felt faint. All the secrets, lies, the way that you had entangled yourself in it all, was crushing you like vines with thorns. Your fear bit bile in your throat, and you couldn’t decide if you felt strong enough to run.

Before you could say anything about it, Changbin pulled you out from the crowd, faster than your wobbling legs could handle. He was furious, you could tell, but he tried his best not to let it seep over to you. Changbin muttered curses under his breath, but pushed forward, past the dancing bodies, past the stage, past the maze of speakers and other sound equipment in the back.

“Let’s just get out of here okay?” His fingers dug into your waist.

Behind you, Felix and Chan shoved their way a few paces behind, ultimately getting caught in the web of people moving this way and that. Not far behind them, was Jisung thrashing with all his might to catch up.

With your heartbeat in your ears, words started spilling out from your mouth:

“Changbin, I didn’t tell you--I-I still haven’t told you, but you need to know before--”

Changbin swung the back door to the venue and it slammed behind you with a metallic clang. It was nearly blizzarding outside, but he didn’t seem to care at all. Rather, he pulled you back into his chest to hug you tightly. He was desperate in the way that he hung onto your body; like he was trying to suck the very life from you.

“Are you okay? He didn’t hurt you? I’m so sorry I couldn’t get there sooner. He’s a fucking dick, I won’t let him touch you again, I promise.”

Your nose clogged immediately, and your sobs came out choked and full of utter fear.

I’m going to loose him. I’ll lose him. He’ll hate me. He’ll let go, and never come back.

“Chang-Changbin...Jisung, he was--”

“Beautiful, why are you crying? Stop, stop, it’s okay.” He soothed you, wiping the tears from your cheeks that got muddled with snow. He too had snow clinging to his eyelashes and his hair that was also strung with sweat.

The back door swung open with another startling clank, and Jisung threw himself out of it with Felix and Chan holding him back by the arms.

“HE DOESN’T EVEN FUCKING KNOW HER!” Jisung screeched, then tore free of both of your friends.

He lunged himself at Changbin who had seconds to respond. He turned his back to shield you with his body, and Jisung clawed with an animalistic energy.

“HE DOESN’T FUCKING KNOW HER!” Jisung had been sobbing too, then swung a haphazard fist to Changbin’s back.

Felix and Chan came rushing to catch you as you fell into their arms, then Changbin swiftly turned to return the hit.

“Me?? You’re fucking crazy!!” He dodged another hit. “What the hell do you know about her?? Huh? YOU don’t know a thing about her!!”

Jisung wiped his eyes then threw another lazy punch. “What are you talking about???”

The two men stood still, both of them turning to turning to look at you with heaving chests. In your friends arms you trembled, and your worst nightmares unfolded right in front of your face. Your body fell to the ground, and the snow seeped into your clothes, just as it did on that night so long ago.

“Holy shit.” Jisung grabbed both sides of his head in his realization. “She fucking played us. SHE FUCKING PLAYED ME.”

Changbin cast his eyes away from you, just as he had when he had barely known a thing about you. He wouldn’t give you the pleasure.

“You were fucking her too, weren’t you?” Jisung laughed out like a madman. “So that’s what she’s been doing this whole time I haven’t seen her. She’s been fucking you and--”

Changbin’s fist rose, and it came crashing into the side of Jisung’s face so suddenly that you and your friends jumped from how fast he had done it.

He said nothing, but proceeded to raise his fist again, then sent it right back into the soft of Jisung’s cheek before he had a minute to respond to the first. Jisung whimpered, then spat blood out of his mouth. His tears had returned, but this time, they were infused in his own anger. The two boys steadied their stance, looking into each other’s eyes with lethal rage. Jisung attacked back with a yell that echoed through the alley, and he too landed punches to Changbin’s sides in sharp hooks. Changbin then grabbed the other man’s shirt collar, pulling him close, then knocking him back with red and bloody fists.

The two boys scuffled and slipped in the snow which had slicked on the ground to make each of their steps clumsy. Jisung sobbed through each of his punches, whereas Changbin held his teeth shut with a grit, merely grunting as he swung more and more. Your own tears blurred your vision, and your chest felt tight; nearly like it was about to burst. Your friends clung to your body just as tight, hushing to you and yelling at the boys to stop, but their voices sounded distant and faint.

Jisung landed punch to Changbin’s eye which split the skin there on his eyebrow. Changbin returned the favor in the same spot, creating the same effect. With crackled lips they swore at eachother, and you could only make out one phrase from Changbin’s mouth:

“Don’t you. Fucking. Touch her.”

The door swung, “Changbin?”

Minho hugged his coat around himself, only to jump out of his skin at the scene in front of him. He dodged two of Jisung’s swings as he clambered over to his roommate to hold him back. He was nearly two seconds late: with a roar, the two boys landed terrible blows at eachother, knocking them both to the ground.

“‘Bin--stop, STOP!” Minho wrapped his arms around his friend.

Just as he did, two other boys exited from the venue: one of them tall with long black hair and the other with hair as white as the snow.

“Fuck you.” Jisung growled dizzily, and his two friends swooped in to help him back to his feet. They too looked furious, but Jisung waved them off groggily. “Don’t w-waste your fucking time. Y-you--” He pointed directly at Changbin. “D-don’t waste your time...on her. I-I’m such a fucking fool.”

“Sung, let’s get out of here.” Jisung’s tall friend urged him. “Anyone on that street could’ve called the cops.”

Minho held Changbin up then looked to you and your startled friends eyes seriously. “We need to leave too.”

“We need to get him to a hospital.” Felix’s voice cracked.

“You think that he can afford a bill? N-no. We can’t do that. I’ll explain later...he’ll be fine. He’s done this to himself before. Idiot.” Minho slugged his roommates arm over his shoulder and Chan rushed to grab the other.

Your legs shook when Felix helped you to your feet. Any second, you thought they would give out. Thick strands of blood and saliva caught on Changbin’s lip. Seeing him like that made you feel even sicker. It was all your fault.

“M-My place is close-by. We can go there.” You locked eyes with Minho.

“Okay. We’ll go there.”

╚ ——————————————— ╝

Your hands trembled violently once you brought your key to your lock. They burned with the cold, and were wet from how you had clawed at the snow.

“Here, let me.” Felix gently offered.

Your apartment was an absolute wreck. Tiny as it was, you had managed to make a mess of it all with art supplies, dirty dishes, hundreds of sticky notes with reminders and textbooks. As you entered, you swept everything to the side with your feet.

“W-what do we do?” Chan’s own fingers had turned pink from the cold where he held Changbin: head slumped and blinking hazily, then shivering furiously--the action thus making him groan out in pain.

“He-he’s freezing. There’s blood...” You fell from Felix’s arms. “I-I have to help him.” Once more, tears welled in your eyes. “We need to get him warm. Get him in the shower and clean him off.”

“Okay. Where’s the bathroom?”

You guided the group of boys down your hall where it became a group effort to remove him of his soaked clothes. Your pants had also been soaked through, but that didn’t even phase you; not when blood stained his mouth. He slumped his body over into four pairs of arms.

“I can take it from here.” You closed the door behind yourself.

Just as you did, you caught Chan’s surprised and widened eyes after Minho had leaned back from his ear. “He’s the son of WHO?”

You shimmied your own clothes off, ignoring your own shivering as you held him up. The act itself was difficult, and you had given up when it came to your undergarments. It didn’t matter much, so you left them on, along with his. All you wanted was to get the blood off of him--you couldn’t bear to see it.

The warm water on your skin felt unreal: a blanket of warmth to dissolve away the chill that clung to your body. It was as if you were defrosting: melting away the illness, the poison, the doubt and the fear. For a moment, you let yourself think that it was that simple.

“Y/n”

At your feet, the water turned from clear to pink.

“What is it?” You hushed above the sound of the shower, and Changbin rested his forehead on your shoulder.

“I’m sorry.”

“Why? You shouldn’t be sorry...I’m the one that should be.”

“N-no.” He coughed, “I feel so sorry.”

“Changbin--”

“--Why him? Why him when he would treat y-you like shit? I-I know how he is.”

“I-I don’t know...”

It was a funny thing crying in the shower. It was somewhat like you weren’t crying at all with how your tears mixed with the stream.

He sniffled, “I-I’m not mad at you. I mean...I was, but...I just don’t understand.”

“Please, be mad at me. Be fucking furious. T-this is all my fault. I shouldn’t have lied. I shouldn’t have kept it a secret--”

Changbin chuckled, then rose his head, lips bloodied, one eye squinted, with a smile on his face.

“Why are you looking at me like that?”

“You’re holding me back. I didn’t have to do it this time.”

At first, you didn’t know what it meant. But then, you realized. You had been clinging on to him for dear life: your arms completely wrapped around him, even now when he was standing on his own.

“I thought that I gave a damn since it was him--it made me so fucking mad that it was him but...”

“...What?”

“Fuck me, but...I love you.”

You shook your head vehemently, tears crossing with the warm trickle of water. “N-no, you don’t.”

He chuckled once more, “I think I’d know if I did or didn’t.”

“Don’t say that.” Your chest shook.

“Why?”

“B-because you don’t mean it. You can’t love me.”

“Why not?”

His hands, bruised and pink cupped both sides of your face.

“Someone like me...You can’t fucking love me.”

“What? You’re not making any sense. Y/n, I think I’ve fucking loved you since the first night that I met you, and you can’t stop me from loving you. Listen, you don’t even have to love me back for now, but can you at least accept how I feel for you?”

How was it you had been able to scream it before, but couldn’t find the words now?

Heated steam filled up your shower, and dripped from the walls. His skin too dipped with drops of that water. You thought to yourself how the blood and the water mixed, the two colors didn’t work together at all. Why was all you could think of colors?

“Okay?” He asked.

Your own hands took to his soft cheeks, where you brushed away any streaks of red you could see there.

You closed your yes after, succumbing to the feeling that the water brought you: melting, fading, dissolving, just like the way that watercolors blended from one to the other on a page. You felt Changbin press his forehead into yours.

“I-I think that I love you too--but--I’m so scared. So fucking scared.”

He let out a relieved “oh” then pressed his lips gently into yours. Each kiss after the other was more and more careful. He poured his whole being into your quivering lips.

“Please don’t be scared. Don’t be scared of me. I swear that I won’t hurt you, I never want to. I mean it. Please don’t run from me.”

Here you were, worrying that he was the one to run from you. You felt pathetic thinking how patient he had been with you, how much he had put up with, and what he had just done, all for you.

He kissed more “pleases” into your mouth, then drew you flush against his chest.

You held onto him tighter. “Do you mean it?”

He nodded, then craned his neck to fill your mouth with more of his answers, and it did feel like the way that watercolors faded into one another.

╚ ——————————————— ╝

“Will he be okay?”

Felix, Chan, you, and Minho sat on your couch with mugs warming your hands. In the past half hour or so, none of you had said much.

Minho sighed. “He will be. He just needs to rest now. I’ll take him to the clinic tomorrow, see if anything is wrong. Knowing him...thick skulled asshole...” He scoffed with a smirk, “--He’s fine.”

“T-that’s good.” Chan took a sip. “He fell asleep?”

“Right after we got out of the shower. Lucky I stole some of Chan’s joggers back then. I put him in my bed and he was out like a light. Didn’t say that anything else hurt.”

In unison, the four of you took another anxious sip.

“He can stay here tonight? If that’s okay with you?” Minho asked.

“Yeah. That’s fine. I don’t think he wants to move wither.”

Felix looked about himself awkwardly. “Wellll I think that we should get going then. Y/n, call us if you need anything?”

“Mmhm.”

A silence filled the air.

“Y/n, did you know?” Chan blurted out.

“Me? Know what?”

Minho shot the other man a deadly glare, then cleared his throat. “Bin’s dad is some high ranking politian. Someone so high that we’d know his name: that’s how he explained it to me. He left his whole life with them to rap. If he had gotten caught tonight, in the alley or some hospital with his real name, it would’ve been all over the news. He’s been trying his best to be invisible since high school...doesn’t want to tarnish the family reputation or something, even though they practically hate him....I don’t get it. They basically disowned him after he said he wanted to do rapping, not like he minded though. His surname isn’t even Seo.”

“Do you know what it is? His surname?”

“He’s never told me and I never asked.”

Another silence fell over your group.

“...He never told me.” You watched the steam of your tea.

“And I didn’t tell you either, alright? This stays between us.”

Felix mocked a zip over his lips.

“Guess I’ll have to ask him about him about his artistic process another time then, hm?” Chan cracked his sarcasm with an airy laugh.

“Guess so.” You tried your best to laugh back. “Thank you for tonight. All of you.” You met each boys eyes and each of them nodded in understanding.

Felix clapped his friend’s back. “Let’s head out.”

╚ ——————————————— ╝

One light was left on in your room: the strand of pink string lights that you hung over the wall your bed was against. The rest of your room was cluttered as well with clothes strewn about and your backpack contents scattered all across the floor. From your tiny and aged window, snow had accumulated in the corners, and further, the yellow and red lights of the city sparkled. Just as you were about to pull the plug for the lights, Changbin groaned out groggily.

“Wait...what are you doing?”

“Turning off the lights. I’m going to go to sleep too now. I wanna give you some space. I’ll go over on the couch.”

“No!” He roused himself, “No. Don’t do that. Can you...stay in here?”

“Sleep with you?”

“If you want? I wouldn’t mind.” He smirked, ever cocky. Nothing took that from him. “Two bodies are warmer than one.”

“Bin...”

His smile really was just a bit too cute.

“Mm. I like it when you call me that.” He reached out his arm to tempt you in. “Please? Come on.”

You toyed with his forearm, shaking it a little like you were throwing a tantrum. “Do I have to?”

“Hey! We just had a fuckin’ moment! I just bore my frickin’ heart for you.”

“I’m just teasing. I will.”

Right by his wrist, a puffy scar caught your eye, and you wondered if you had missed cleaning one of his wounds. You turned his arm over, revealing the gnarly scar: a stripe, about 3 inches long running parallel to his arm.

“What’s this?” You studied it further.

“Oh. That. Don’t get mad, but, tonight’s fight wasn’t my first. Some fucker with a watch or a bracelet or something tore the shit outta my arm this one time.” He inspected it himself, “It’s my battle scar. I’m kinda proud of it. If I hadn’t stepped in, who knows what he would’ve done to his girlfriend? There’s a special place in hell for guys like him.”

Stormy grey eyes.

Rosemary and cedarwood.

You thought you had cried all the tears that would’ve been possible that night. Blurred memories, the ones that you had tried so desperately to forget came flooding over you. How you hadn’t known...was beyond you.

“Hey...” Changbin scooched back up to wipe your tears. “Tears again? What’s wrong?” His thumbs wiped them away. “You can tell me?”

“It-it was you??”

“Me? Me what?”

“On that night, in the alley when it was snowing, I-I was alone and he...”

Changbin’s eyes too blew out, then his own tears gathered in the corners. “Holy shit...that was you too?”

“Yes.”

“Oh my god.”

Instinctually, he threw his arms around you, back into his scent that was just as clear as the real first night you had met him. Together, you both turned into babbling, sniffling messes.

“Thank you. Thank you so much.” Your voice shook. “I’ve always wanted to thank you. I-I can’t believe--”

“--Come here.”

Changbin swept you off your feet and wrapped all of his limbs around your body where he had pulled you into the bed, finally sweeping the covers over top of both your bodies with a kiss to your forehead.

“You’ve gone though so much. Fuck, I don’t know how you’ve done it.”

Your own hands snaked around his body. “Bin...”

“We’re kind of impossible aren’t we? All those years ago, and now...”

“Thank you.” You kissed into his mouth, silencing him something much sweeter than your secrets.

His body shifted, and he returned with his own kisses, each one slow and careful. He twisted his body to lean slightly over you, wincing at the pain that it caused him.

“Fuck. That hurt.” He sighed with a tiny pout, “But, I don’t want to stop kissing you.”

You bit a little smile into his lips. “Don’t push yourself.”

“What? I can’t help it.”

This time, you pushed him back to swiftly cast your legs on either side of his hips to straddle him. “This better?”

He hummed out a happy yes, reaching down to pull your lips into his again. Like it always had been, you could’ve kissed him like this for ages, and time would slip into nothingness: a mere construct undefinable. Outside, the world was still dark and cold, but inside, the heat of your two bodies mingling banished it all away.

“By the way, I wanted to tell you that I think that your art is beautiful.” Changbin broke momentarily, then pointed to your unframed paintings stuck to the walls with painters tape. “I’ve never seen anything like them. I don’t know why you keep them hidden here. The world should see them.”

“Trying to get into my pants now? Who told you to say that?”

From your string lights, his whole being was bathed in a soft pink light.

“No one. But I mean it...you know, if I wasn’t debilitated, who knows what I would do to you right now.”

“Woooow, you talk such big game.”

He shot you a teasing glance. “I’ll fucking do it, fuck my probably broken-or- bruised ribs.”

“No! Don’t do that.” You chuckled. “Don’t hurt yourself.” With a newfound confidence, you lowered your body to hover your lips over his own. “What if I go easy on you....nice and slow? Didn’t you say once that you liked to take things slow?”

His eyes darkened as he mimicked your tone. “Anything as long as it’s with you.” After, his hands swept all the way down your back, lightly brushing up the fabric of your sleep-shirt, then to kneed into your ass. “Will you let me love you tonight?”

“Will you let me love you back?”

“Yes.”

You shoved your hips down into his, grinding as purposefully as you could over his half-hard dick and shivering at the sensation over your clit. Both of your bodies trembled at the action. Under the cotton sheets and down comforter, there was nothing that could have felt cozier against the bare skin of your arms, and the way that his fingertips traced scribbles into your back.

In seconds, he had pulled your shirt off your head, kissing little moans into your mouth once his hands had found your breasts. All the while, you kept your hips moving, reveling in the way that with each thrust of your hips you had felt yourself get wetter. He pulled and tweaked at your nipples which hardened them instantly, and you bowed down to kiss him on all the places where he didn’t know he had needed the attention: on the tip of his nose, in the corners of his mouth, over that scar on his chin, fluttering over his bruised eyelid, overtop the Band-Aid above his eyebrow, giving care to all the little scrapes on his cheeks.

He had keened his hips upwards, now properly hardened from your friction against him. Even just like this, his length felt heavenly. With a careful prompt, he guided your torso upward, granting his mouth better access of your perky nipples which he took into his mouth greedily. Even greedier hands cascaded down your stomach to your boyshorts where he pulled at the elastic. After, he ghosted his touch over the thin fabric separating him from touching your clit. The sensation nearly sent you topping over, but rather you grabbed at the iron headboard to your bed to steady yourself. Changbin blew his words over your nipples with a cool air.

“Can I?”

“Do you even need to ask?” You chuckled out.

“Of course I do.” He hooked two fingers to help you shake the fabric off your legs. “I always do.”

First, he pulled you down into his lips; a distraction, then he coaxed his digits into your folds. You hadn’t known how embarrassingly wet you had become, but that was nothing compared to the reality of it. The sounds of your slick coating his fingers was loud enough to make you giggle, and for him to return it.

“That excited huh?” His index finger rubbed faint circles around your clit.

“W-what about it?”

“I just think that its cute.” He removed his hand to show you the way that your arousal strung around his fingers. “‘So wet for me, aren’t you angel?”

“Mmhm.” Your hips did their own helpless dance over the pads of his fingers once he had brought them back down. “S-shit.”

A wicked smile spread over his face as he indulged in you more. Back and forth, he traced around your swollen clit, then down to your entrance, barely giving you any contact at all.

“Remember our first night? Hmm? Remember what I did to you? ...I could do it again...”

“B-Bin...” You gasped out his name at the thought.

His tongue slicked over your bottom lip, “Would you like that?” His index and middle finger swept even rougher swipes over your clit which sent you mewling back on his tongue.

“Yes? Or no? Use your words Beautiful.”

That intense feeling, that unreal feeling...you would’ve been lying if you had said you hadn’t dreamed of it.

“...yes. I want you to.”

“Okay my love. Just relax. Lean on me if you have to, okay?”

“It won’t hurt you?”

“No. Not at all.”

With your quivering thighs, his hand dipped back down and toyed with the heat of your folds and angrily sensitive clit. Your choked moans muffled into the crook of his neck where you had buried your face. Every single touch of his made your body feel as if it was aflame. Relentlessly, he switched from circling to stopping, every once and a while slipping a couple fingers to stretch out your entrance. He wouldn’t grant it to you fully yet, but his curved digits teased at your g-spot for only seconds at a time.

In his ears, you filled them with “more, more, more’s” and little whimpers of “deeper, deeper, please, deeper.”

“More? Is that what you want?”

He winced terribly at the action, but he pushed you off from on top of him till you were flat on your back, screwing his fingers into you deeply.

“I’ll give you as much as you want.” He kissed the words to your collarbones.

All at once, his pace was renewed, and his fingers curved up sharply inside of your pussy to simulate your g-spot as roughly and quickly as he could. In his skill he gave your clit attention with his flattened thumb. The overwhelming feeling built in your core and inched closer second by second. Your control over your body slipped past you, and you fell completely into the feeling.

You came with a uncontrollable shake of your whole body, and a release of pressure that made you into a moaning mess--that of which you didn’t need to be careful of if you had been too loud or not. Freely, you convulsed with that indescribable feeing, and your liquids wetted both your thighs and the fringes of the sheets which Changbin just barely removed from your body.

“Fuck. Fuck.”

In his adoration, the man above you proudly chuckled at your body still quivering with aftershocks.

“Think you can take a little more after that? Take your time angel.”

Your head spun, but it did so only for a moment. As you came down, Changbin kissed one, two, three, little kisses into your shoulder while he admired the way that your body shook.

You nodded, laughing at the fact that you really did have no idea what time it was, nor could you even guess.

“Do you have--”

“--Dresser. O-over there.” A weak finger of yours pointed to your side table.

A series of grunts slipped out of him, but he rolled himself over to take a condom from the strand and take care of it himself. He hid is tiny embarrassed smirk once he laid down.

“Angel, I-I think that you’ll have to--”

“--I know.”

Back to your origional position, you aligned your entrance against his length which was still as red and hardened as ever.

“Nice and slow right?”

With one hand, you guided his dick into your velvet walls.

“Oh shit.” Changbin pulled at your lip with is teeth upon the first roll of your hips. “Just like that. Just...like that.”

It was beautiful, the way that he felt inside you. It had hurt a bit the first time, but now, it was different. The way that he filled you up was perfection: you were perfect for him, and he was for you.

“D-don’t stop.” He pleaded while he scraped his nails down your back.

To think, the one who had told you he didn’t say “please” was now at your mercy. It took everything you had not to let it go to your head.

He angled his hips upward, pushing himself even deeper, and you nearly lost your composure at the feeling. Your core tightened again, and you let yourself grind over him, not stopping once.

“F-fuck. Bin, ah! Shit--”

“Don’t stop, don’t stop.” Became his breathless mantra. “Y-you fuck me so good angel.”

Clambering lips came colliding and you rode out your orgasm on his dick fiercely, connecting your mouth with his so he could feel every little bit of the pleasure that he gave you. He did the same, spilling his euphoric “ah ah’s” all over your lips and eventually to your neck where he sucked carelessly upon his own orgasm. You milked every last bit of him from his throbbing erection until he shook and begged you to stop his overstimulation.

Perhaps because you were tired, or you craved the feeling, but not a bone in your body wanted to move.

“Can we stay like this...for a while?”

Changbin kissed his answer back to you.

“For as long as you like.”

Yes, the both of you had turned to sweating messes, and the scent of sex hung heavy around the both of you. Of course, it smelled just a little like rosemary and cedarwood. Wrapped up in one another like this, there was no telling where you began and he ended.

Until the sun peaked at the horizon, he filled you to the brim with his “I love you’s” anywhere that he could manage: into the palms of your hands, into the love bites he had painted onto your chest, onto your ears which he nibbled, and, into your sleepy eyes which had held his for as long as you could, until the allure of sleep drew both of them closed.

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spadesinglasses · 4 years

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Korean BLs (Series)

Under the see more is a compilation of all of my thoughts for the korean bls that came out in 2020 and in the start of 2021 so namely, the BLs that will be mentioned here are; Where Your Eyes Linger, Mr. Heart, To My Star, Color Rush, and Wish You : Your Melody From My Heart.

As a TLDR this is how I would rank these five.

To My Star

Wish You : Your Melody From My Heart

Where Your Eyes Linger

Mr. Heart

Color Rush

Let’s do this in order.

Wish You : Your Melody From My Heart

I ADORE THIS BL SO MUCH.

It was such a light series. The conflict was not heavy and it was resolved very quickly. I think it would’ve been more dramatic if the series was longer, but since its very short, they fortunately decided to resolve it as soon as possible, and because of that no time was wasted between the leads. And the actually got a happy ending.

Kang In Soo and Yoon Sang Yi are both precious ;A;.

Sang Yi’s thirst was so strong and palpable it was a miracle that In Soo didn’t realize it, specially when homeboy was staring hard hard at his hard body lololol.

I get lowkey annoyed whenever I see reviews about this series and then putting a mark on the story as like 6 out of 10 or something, because most of the time the thing they are criticizing it for, and the reason why its so low is because of the length. They really went flexible who?

Personally yes the story or conflict was easy and light, but if you’re going to critic it base on how long the entire series it, it was pretty smart to do so. The conflict was not just the father blocking his son’s debut, It was ongoing from start to finish, from even the series started.

WE SEE in the first episode at how much In Soo struggled on the streets busking, getting his music out there one way or another. The Problem was not created at the time his father did what he did, it goes way before it.

The issue wasn’t also farfetched. We all know in real life that parents can be fucking assholes. So also claiming the story was out of the blue or nowhere is fucking dumb.

LET’S TALK ABOUT THE MUSIC. Honestly I’m no wise dude regarding music. I listen to a song and I base whether I like it or not, on how the song or music makes me feel. And honestly, the music in the series were beautiful I truly love it.

The supporting characters are also dope! I forgot the person who basically pushed Sang Yi to In Soo, but in this house we stan her so much!

Where Your Eyes Linger

I was hesitant on starting this one. I don’t like violence specially around homosexuality. It just stirs so much bad emotion in me. So when I saw that scene of Han Tae Joo’s father beating Kang Gook, i cannot make myself see more of the show.

But I gave in and watched it. It was adorable and actually heavy. I think its the heaviest out of these five examples and I’ll tell you why. (because I just know you’re wondering why this is heavier than Color Rush.)

The story revolved around multiple tropes or relationship marks. First is the servant and master trope, then it went to unrequited love to a friend, then to a master, and then after that it went to jealousy with a new love interest, and then it ended with them not realizing their own feelings until it’s already too late.

Now before I watched this series, I’ve already heard about the opinion of this series being a fanfic plot brought to life, and honestly yes.

the Servant Master trope and then falling in love with one another is a very popular trope in fanfics, and the way the dealt with it is very reminiscent to how a fanfic writer would usually go about it.

Other than that, the story actually help quite strongly despite the tropes they used.

Kang Gook’s fears and uncertainties were actually reasonable. I wished we got more of their backstories, but its logical to see Kang Gook struggle that much with how he feels for Tae Joo.

Han Tae Joo’s realization after Kang Gook started spending time with the girl was similar to the feeling of “only realizing what they have after they already lost them” feeling and it was such a heart breaking moment. It was a bit annoying to see him struggle that much to put a name in the feeling he was feeling as if homosexuality was just created right before his eyes, but he eventually got there i guess.

Tae Joo’s father was annoying. What he did was a typical parent move, hence annoying.

The ending was satisfying, but also questionable.

I found Kang Gook’s sudden ... change in how he dress and move completely out of the blue. I don’t know if it was just to signify that he was finally not working for Tae Joo’s father and now he’s not restricted to some hyper masculine facade or if it’s a way of the director show what being gay and accepting homosexuality looks like. But whatevs, I’m not gonna dissect that one because I’m sure it’s gonna be a blood bath when I do it.

Mr. Heart

This show was confusing at first then it made sense. Let me explain.

The series started with the two already chummy.

Go Sang Ha is already open about what he feels for Jin Won. While Jin Won was the typical ass with repressed feelings. Their main conflict was the constant miscommunication between the two.

They show love in two different ways. Act of service, and gifts and money. It’s one of the reasons why the two didn’t get together in the first place in my opinion. They both have issues that both are running away from.

Aside from that there was also the minor conflict with Sang Ha and his debt. The debt people were of two extremes, being very chummy with Sang Ha or downright horrible, e.g. the scene where he beats Sang Ha up.

There is not much to say about this series. It’s very straight forward, and Jin Won actually straight up called out Sang Ha for running away during the time they actually do need to communicate to one another.

ALTHOUGH I SHOULD SAY JIN WON PUNCHING SANG HA WAS UNNECESSARY AND OUT OF PLACE. That was stupid of him to do and I was very annoyed at him during that time. If you want to put Sang Ha out of his spiral, you could’ve just shout, or shake him. But no, you punched him, IN THE GODDAMN FACE.

That was stupid honestly.

To My Star

I LOOOOOVE THIS ONE.

The start of the series was confusing because I literally kid you not, i was confused who the guy with the motor helmet on is. Like I genuinely thought he was a different person and not Kang Seo Joon.

The characters are phenomenal. They portray and embrace the opposite attracts trope but also found a compromise, or stable footing for each differing personality to meet the other.

It was lovely to see mr hot, and mr. cold be in the kitchen. Seo Joon’s personality was so bubbly and light that I was surprised to what really happened in that restaurant. (Altho to be fair he did keep it a secret mostly because of his issue and not just because he doesn’t want his friend to have bad press lol I really thought it was because someone was being homophobic while they were on a date lolol)

I RELATE SOOOO HARD TO JI WOO. I myself loves not disrupting my peace bubble. I would literally do everything I can as to not have any form of conflict with another person. It’s very problematic and destructive to my own being in the long term, but for short term comfort, I would take it lol.

So to see Ji Woo express what he was thinking while he was rejecting Seo Joon’s advances, made me cry so much. Because I see myself doing that. I see myself saying no to someone because I’m so scared. Add to the fact that homosexuality is still judged in public spaces, I WANNA LOVE A GUY THAT I CAN HOLD HANDS OUTSIDE WITHOUT FEAR.

SO I do get it, I do get Ji Woo and it was so heart breaking to see him suffer because people are fucking assholes.

Seo Joon’s lines about loving people who have high walls because they look so strong and sturdy is a mood because that is so relatable. I wanna be surround by people who looks sturdy, and will be there for me. Seo Joon hiding this side of him with bubbliness and bursts of joy was so sad.

I tweeted this on twitter but let me repeat it here.

I LOVE THE FACT THAT SEO JOON WAS STILL THE ONE WHO CAME BACK TO JI WOO.

People might disagree with me and say that it’s better to see Ji Woo be the one who takes the initiative this time to get Seo Joon back, because it shows character development BUT HONEY.

Big changes like that are not a thing in real life! PEOPLE CAN’T JUST CHANGE THEMSELVES INSTANTLY LIKE THAT. Yes they can do stuff out of a sudden burst of emotions but its not a common thing.

So to see Seo Joon come back, and see Ji Woo so heart broken was so fucking good I love it so much.

Seo Joon pushed for the last time, and you can just see Ji Woo just tired of fighting inside him. He probably has a monologue inside him shouting, “please come back, please come back” when Seo Joon left. And to see him just deflate when Seo Joon did came back was soooo satisfying.

THIS IS NOT AN EXCUSE TO NOT KNOW WHAT A NO IS. You’re not Seo Joon and you situation is not like theirs, so shut up.

lol.

OH DON’T GET ME STARTED WITH THE ANTAGONISTS OF THIS SERIES. Let’s talk about the actor from Seo Joon’s side. The bitch ass really took Seo Joon’s decision and ran away with it like nobody’s business. He really deluded himself and justified in his head all that shit. AND THE AUDACITY to ask Seo Joon to take the fall more was fucking hilarious. He deserves the hate bitch ass shit.

NOW FOR THE FUCKER THAT IS JI WOO’S FRIEND. BITCH KNOWS JI WOO FOR SUCH A LONG TIME NOW, and he has the audacity to pull that shit up in front of him?

Like bruh you know your friend, do you really think he’s the type of guy to do something like that? HILARIOUS.

I think his friend secretly likes him, so when he saw Seo Joon getting chummy around Ji Woo, and seeing Ji Woo show sides because of him, he got extremely jealous.

SO YOU KNOW WHAT ITS A GOOD THING THE REPORT WOMAN ALSO LEFT HIM BECAUSE FUCKING THAT DUDE.

The US reporter woman was funny tho. xD She really went to arms and defended Seo Joon and Ji Woo to him. The bit with the other employee was funny too. He deserves all the misfortune in his life lmao. That’s what you get from outing a gay guy.

WOOPS THIS GOT TOO LONG. I JUST LOVE IT SO MUCH.

Color Rush

OKAY.

So Color Rush has the most interesting premise of all of them. That I have to admit.

Other than that the series was lacking.

There are two main plots happening, one is the killings of the mono or probe? I forgot, and the plot of whatever is happening between Choi Yeon Woo and Go Yoo Han.

The series was too short for these two plots. The plot behind the killing was completely disregarded. While the relationship between Yeon Woo and Yoo Han were emphasized.

The ending also confused me. Everyone just forgot that Yeon Woo and Yoo Han ran away? and that Yoo Yan’s family basically threatened to claim Yeon Woo kidnapped his probe? REALLY?

Specially with all of them being in high positions of power? That’s dumb. I really think that they were wrong as to what plot they should emphasize. If the series focused on Yeon Woo and his aunt Yoo Yi Rang solving the case of the killed probes while Yoo Han secretly helps them out with his connections, it would’ve been a much more interesting series.

The ending of Yeon Woo and Yoo Han would also be more acceptable because now they all know that someone else was behind the killings and its not just the monos going crazy.

Aside from the cute very seldom scenes between the two, and how awkward some of them are. The series really lacked for me.

If you like Color Rush good for you.

This might be unnecessary to add but, something about the actor of Yoo Han makes me uncomfortable. His recent or at least post series statements really unnerves me. If you have no problem with it, cool.

That is all! I think there’s a new incoming korean BL from the same director or at least same universe/line as Where your eyes linger, mr heart, and To my star, called You Make Me Dance? That will be something to anticipate about :D.

FINAL REMARKS

Despite being new to the game of BL, korean BLs were really so good. The plots are not as problematic, or toxic as the other bls from other countries were and honestly I’m very impressed.

They seem to have a much more knowledgeable grasp of what a BL should be by avoiding toxic behaviors and just annoying ass plots. Not naming any names but ya know.

Any who, these five were a nice thing to watch.

I ENTHUSIASTICALLY ADVOCATE AND SUGGEST FOR Y’ALL TO WATCH TO MY STAR AND WISH YOU YOUR MELODY FROM MY HEART IF Y’ALL WANT TO BE HAPPY.

#where your eyes linger #to my star #wish you your melody from my heart #mr. heart #color rush #korean bl #kbls #glass thoughts

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macgyvertape · 4 years

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50 or so hours into Cyberpunk 2077

This should be roughly the correct amount of time, ive been leaving the game running as I get up to get food or do stretches. Quests are roughly in order I did them

non spoilers above cut:

i haven't found a single hat/helmet i like, and since you can't hide them I just am not wearing any. It matters that much.

I posted the other day about bugs, every few hours I play I find new bugs. some require me to go back and reload a save others I honestly can’t tell if it’s a bug or just really poor development

there are several perks that don’t quite do what the description says, like the Anamesis perk. Based on reddit and trying it out it seems to just not do anything.

sometimes in car chase segments the passenger will say “look out” as cars spawn in my path and hit me. Can’t tell if that was deliberate or a pop in issue

Yeah I’ve just totally given up on doing pacifist things unless required by a mission. Given up on doing stealth too unless a mission objective, except for sneaking around to set up a fight.

:readmore:

the delemain car quest is fun. From the shock of the one going "beep beep motherfucker" and doing a hit and run to start it off, to the GLADOS car i see a lot of people talking about. It was fun to explore the city when i might have missed places like the landfill apparently there is follow up on T-bug's death if you go back to the quick hack shop in Kabuki. It's not much but better than nothing I made the pass with Panam of "what if the room just had one bed". I know she won't do a wlw romance, which is fine since I wouldn’t have chosen her. I enjoy her as a character, don’t get me wrong, my V considers her as a friend, but it seems like theres always drama going on which would be tiring. I would have gone for a fling, i like her leotard-pants combo with all the straps

but also her questline was buggy as hell. Multiple cases of having to reload due to clipping into objects, including her in a driving section, or just insta-dying when collision physics with some rocks broke "your neural network can no longer function independantly of the chip" me slapping my desk: s y m b i o te!!! come on lets have some s y m b i o s i s

in the scene with hellman i really liked how Johnny moved around the room. It made him feel like he was really there. it was hard to follow the convo as I left the room, i would not have understood it without subtitles. But i guess Takemura fucking waterboarded hellman. :|

lol I hope the dialogue is different b/c i refuse to smoke for Johnny

i am level 18 and still can't beat the first opponents in the fist fighting quest. ffs

I looked up the romances options so I went to do the I fought the law quest as soon as i got it. ACAB, but like I literally just met River Ward 2 minutes ago, and I really like him. His earring and cyborg eye, his big fluffy coat. I'm definitely gonna sleep with him Ok i like how when River Ward is dealing with the tiger claws if you interject it leads to a fight. It goes better if you follow his instructions and let him deal with it. Seriously I enjoy that sometimes its good to not pick a dialogue choice.

during the red queen club part, there was no dialogue over the phone. So i reloaded a save and got myself spotted and attacked. Then River showed up to help me <3 and it was more enjoyable having him there. I honestly am not sure if him not going to the club level is bug or not.

then uuuuuugh the worst of irl police "cops are my family" from Detective Han. Again ACAB "FRATERNITY OF CITY COPS RESEMBLES A [Nomad] CLAN NOT AT ALL" ok a few minutes ago i was complaining about bugs, but the character modeling in this game is good (when they're there). You can see body posture, characters jiggle their legs when they are nervous. Like I though character A was just throwing a cigarette on the ground, but then character B flinches back; I realize Char A threw it at B as a fuck you

I'm honestly curious if "I fought the Law" quest will have any impact later on. My choices were that I thought there was more going on than Holt being the only person behind this (based on how complicated the main questline heist is, and keeping an eye on some of the in game news), and told him not to take it to internal affairs, and I loved his response of how he doesn't give a shit what we think, he's doing it anyway.

In the elevator to report in, Johnny said "this muck is deeper than you think, tell them nothing", so i just said that the case was complicated. anyway i love how much of a sarcastic asshole V is

I thought i was being nonlethal with the monk quest, but it seems i accidently killed someone. RIP, but thats kind of the problem with this game. Like when i do the non lethal cyberpychosis quests I equip my non lethal modded gun and hope for the est. I like how a go here kill things quest led to Charles the ripperdoc. He's getting all his parts from scav gang members so I felt obligated to take him out. I got a police bounty for it but w/e.

I merged the Delemain fragments with the whole. Guess he's the meta now. (Side note: some of my favorite rvb fanfic plots are Ai consiousness/memory merging with the humans, so I’m having fun with this game and look foward to introspective fanfic)

Honestly Jonny made some good points, the fragments didn't deserve to die; but also destroying the core and freeing the fragments, they couldn't really function alone.

I was able to rescue Saul fine with stealth. Using cameras and the synapse overload really made it easy. Can't use the sniper rifle reward b/c I don't have the stats for it, and while it has a silencer the fact that it's a ricochette weapon and not a shoot through walls weapons, makes it not as good imo; and theres a legendary one that is stats free for only 100k.

Lol made a pass again at Panam, and she immediately shut me down. I then did Mitch's quest and I love every time someone tells V they area good person.

I hacked the operation carpe noctem shard, and wow the corporations are using ai to make people have cyberpsychosis, or something like that. What a shocker /s, I've played Deus Ex HR before

lol driving through the unifinished interstate, past the fight from Panam's first quest I found a "batcave" with a very nice car, and a manifesto written by "muckman'. But here's my complaint about the loot, there is a legendary top, but it had 16 armor. My current top has 84 armor, like why would i switch?? then later i found a bunker with soviet spies in it. Wild

Doing River's second quest, love the timing of as soon as you ask, why are we breaking in, someone shows up to tell you he got kicked off the force. It's funny how Johnny comments how maybe River's into you, and V just doubts Johnny's words. Love how the first kid asks River if I'm his girlfriend. also wow like oof both the second parts of Judy and River's quest are SUPER fucked UP!! oof like i stopped doing first person mode on the braindances for those quests as soon as i could, just made me too uncomfortable seeing that in first person.

DRIVING IN THE GAME IS BAD! nowhere is it more apparent than the sinnerman quest, which took me 3 times to get the driving section done, as cars spawned out of nowhere to hit me. Then when you restart, there is a bunch of dialogue it doesn't let you fast forward through. The rest of the Sinnerman questline is interesting. My V took every option to tell the dude that he was messed up, and what he was doing was wrong. idk, I was surprised how much dialogue there was that let you buy into his whole "forgiveness thing" and how there wasn't any real dialogue to call him the fuck out, that in seeking forgiveness he continues to do harm both emotional to the mother of the man he killed, but also that he got the husband killed via cop. The later follow up quest, I told him that what he is doing is crazy, studio is just going to profit off this vid. Then I refused to join him prayer, and told him fuck no i wasn't going to hammer him to the cross, or even watch. Yes, the man is scared of dying, and the corporation is exploiting him, but he keeps creating burdens for others. I think the discussion on this quest will be interesting to read, it's definitely my own personal experience with religion coloring my view. Anyway back to a main quest, yeah i don't trust Placide, especially in that scene where he grabs my hand, then jacks in. I ran off to do most of the sidequests here and got some criticism from him. I do love how in the cinema the western movie switches to a mission brief as the netwatch agent talks. its a fun enviromental detail. I took the netwatch offer, i don't think he's being fully honest with me, but he didn't put a virus in my head. As I told Placide later, I didn't pick a side. I like how you can then talk with the agent, who is a fan of Western movies, b/c they show "a simpler time where all good guys carry badges" :eyeroll:, and then V recommends Unforgiven, which from the wiki summary goes against that theme.

Looks like the Voodoo boys all got killed by Netwatch, but I as revenge for them trying to set me up I'm fine with it. Honestly after speaking with ai!Alt I don’t believe their plan of trying to be on good relations with AI would work.

doing the johnny flashback 2, and wow Johnny really is an asshole. Like I had gotten so used to him in side missions I forgot how self centered and unlikable he was.You constantly get prompts to drink or do drugs, which I ignored. But i do love the goth/punk love Rogue and others have.

lol i called it, when Hellman said that the engram would seek to override the host, put V on the engram. I really like how as the relic malfunctions, you wind up in the chair with a cigarette, which you can either smoke and say you are turning into Johnny or throw away. My dialogue "your problem is the ends justify the means", which is true!!! He and Rogue detonated a nuke downtown, does anyone know that, and like ask Rogue about it????

(Funny you can ask Rouge about Johnny silverhand, over the phone, then the game bugs out and spawns her npc where you are. She doens't say much about the nuke, but she does say no one trusts you for jobs). The line of no one trusting you for jobs is pretty funny at level 46 street cred where im at “respected” status. really loving the family atmosphere at River's 3rd quest. Also his big strong arms, and the fact he is no longer a cop. I totally let the kids win, and wow the family dinner where they GRILL YOU over the relationship and try to set the two of you up, then the water tower scene!!!!! I don't love the first person sex cutscenes but they do have personality. I'm glad afterwards you got to tell River about the biochip and that you might die. Because he's so far removed from your personal plot. So I took that option to back out of a relationship.

I do love that you wake up with "river's tanktop" that says "fuck the police" It actually has extremely good armor stats, so thats what I'll wear now.

panam 3rd quest, when shes like why did you help me, I'm like "because it's important to you". Basically the closest you can get to "when a friend asks for help you help them", which as an ex-nomad backstory I really choose the nomad options when ever i can Paralezes quest part 2! I love the piano song but I always think of it as ocean's 11 music. It's also fun to see the computer and see Judy recommended you for the first quest. The emails talk about "forgetting" to hire a staffer, on the balocony a strange antennia was scannable, the color of the roses was remembered wrong... lol guess i was right with those giant wall screens. Its fun environmental details that spell things out before you can notice, and it ties into some other quests where people's behavior is being altered. Actually, this quest "Dream On" I love it! For a while I've been like "wheres the illuminati conspiracy! Here it IS! I chose to follow Elisabeth's wishes and not tell her husband he was being brainwashed. In best case they program him to forget again, in worst case he ends up dead. The gaslighting Elisabeth described is CHILLING, her husband describes a vacation she can't remember and she doesn't know whose memories have been messed with. On your way to the plaza you get a call from someone/something that says the know exactly WHAT you are, any you black out!!! It's such a great feeling of helplessness that you're just one person in a world so big that you can't fight every power. As Johnny said, could be a corporation, could be a rogue ai, either way Jefferson is fucked (and so are you).

#cyberpunk 2077 #mac plays video games #a lot of this journaling i do #so in a few years i can look back #and see my first impressions

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mellowmoonballoon · 4 years

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P2 of the Primer - Minho!

Fandom primer for fandom feels.

So, Minho, dance leader!

Minho (Lee Know, Lino...) is the Stray Kids’ Marilla Cuthbert. Very controlled with showing his feelings. Wants to feed everyone. Hard working and practical. Dresses like an old woman who is constantly freezing.

His lack of desire to embarrass himself on screen is very relatable to all anxious perfectionist introverts. He often gets confused for shy or cold because of this, when he will just not do silly things in front of the camera if he’s not sure of the result. His terrible art? He knows it’s terrible and that’s acceptable. His amazing dancing? He knows it’s amazing and that’s acceptable. Things he’s not sure about which include being vulnerable in front of strangers? NOT ACCEPTABLE. I respect that. So this “primer” will not perpetuate any “mean-ho” ideas thank you bye. (Felix calls him tsundere so if you see me use it, it’s not my fault.)

Anyway Minho is a dancer. That was his job before he joined SKZ (he toured with bts etc) and it was his primary role in SKZ for a while. When he first joined he wasn’t a good singer or rapper, but he would have been ok if he wasn’t constantly shaking because he was convinced he’d get kicked out. Which is valid because he did get kicked out.

oh also - I will treat his and Felix’s story as if the elimination wasn’t a setup just because whatever else was going on, they thought it was real.

His singing voice wasn’t great so he was asked to rap instead. He had never done it but said he’d be willing to try. They were given... what? No time? To prepare for that change and famously, Changbin rapped backup for him and Han held his hand and timed the beat with it.

so i cried, and then he did get eliminated because he messed up the lyrics next time so i cried more and then he sent a final message and i FUCKING BAWLED.

To Han: “The time I failed, was it because you weren’t holding my hand?”

Changbin helped him a lot during practice for the second song and they both felt so bad for different reasons. Minho kept saying he was sorry that someone younger than him had to be helping him and that he was failing despite it. “If I had slept one hour less, would I have been able to do it better?” and Changbin with “What did I do for him, that I couldn’t teach him better?” Anyway this show was torture but I’m gonna go back to the good stuff now.

Minho got to come back and they were a band happily ever after. Before the elimination tho he helped the other members with their dance routines. So, shit i learned about kpop peripherally: most bands are made by formula like “2 members rap, 2 members dance, 2 members sing” or something like that. Minho could dance and Changbin could rap and Seungmin could sing and the goal is rarely to get everyone to be great at everything. And Minho was like “nah.” And he made it his goal to make everyone as good a dancer as possible. So while others were helping him with singing and rapping, he was helping them with dancing.

For me a very important scene in the show was when Bang Chan kinda lost it at IN’s lack of ability to dance and he had everyone stand aside and kept telling IN to try again and Minho gave Bang Chan side-eye and went over to IN to teach him how to do it better.

baby bread’s defeated baby face :(

and Minho’s face just saying “you’re not helping” as he walked over in clear defiance of any hierarchy.

So Minho’s whole approach to the group was “I will help everyone be better at dancing”. According to Chan he picked Minho with the idea that Minho would be in charge of dancing. Which is a big fucking deal. For Bang Chan personally and band as a whole.

Changbin asking this question, who else. Chan was like “that phrasing doe?” But eventually:

(Changbin is listening but also not giving a shit, he’s just waiting for Chan to be done so he can ask what his role is and be told he’s the visual, Minho feeds him so fucking well.)

In group dances Minho tends to not stick out. In fact, Minho would really like it if no one stuck out. His goal is to have them all as synchronized as possible and he’s really good at it.

His solos fucking murder us every time tho :(

m... where was i.

Oh yeah. He’s very good at his job. He has also gotten SO MUCH better at singing. I don’t think he gets enough credit for how fucking hard he must have worked on that on top of everything else they do. I know the color of his voice doesn’t pop out like Seungmin or IN’s, but he can hold his own now. (His parts in Slump and Neverending story for example. Slump in particular because apparently Han wrote that whole ass song to fit HIS high notes and everyone just went “I guess” and then Han said “but I’ll only rap in it”.)

But enough about how much I respect him as an artist. Let’s talk about how if he is your favorite in the band, there’s a 99% chance your kink is being spit on followed by a good aftercare. Look I don’t make the rules. Just accept it like Hyunjin has.

Did he tickle him after that? Who knows. Not Hyunjin.

but he feeds him well so it’s all good.

In fact, other than making everyone dance well, Minho’s second mission in life is to make sure everyone is well fed. (He is definitely that grandmother who will tell you you’ve gained weight and then get upset when you don’t eat everything she made for you.)

Life is too short for a full compilation of Minho feeding people so here’s a little vid and a few pics.

How is this post still fucking going? How do I have so many thoughts on this one man wtf? Anyway just a quick note about his ex husband.

Back in the olden days Minho made lunch and wrote a lovely thank you letter to Seungmin and things were great. Now they jokingly call each other the divorced couple and even though they are roommates they both claim they can’t be roommates. I have a theory that could be way off but I will type it up here anyway. My theory hearkens back to the first paragraph which is that Minho doesn’t like doing things in front of the camera when he’s not sure how it’s gonna end up. And I think Seungmin for his own reasons isn’t very expressive either. And maybe sometimes on camera he didn’t react like Minho needed him to. And it ended in Minho adjusting his on camera attitude. Again, I could be way off, but the way I see it, there is safety in teasing. The same way he’ll show off his giraffe picture and be like “isn’t it beautiful” when he clearly has functional eyes, he can show his friendship with Seungmin and say “lol isn’t it horrible” and he gets the expected feedback and it’s fine. It’s better than being seen as overly needy or reaching out and not getting what you want. And tbh I think he and Seungmin pingpong this at each other and this is why every tsundere needs a Felix or Han to hug them despite the shit that’s coming out of their mouth.

But Seungmin can still recognize him by his tiddies so clearly they’re fine off camera.

As far as fan stuff goes, Minho has a regular live where he eats delicious food and talks to fans. Sometimes fans are really shitty and he plays it off but he is human and y’all need to get your shit together. But since all his fans are subs it all works out in the end. (Go on, tell me he’s your bias and you’re not a sub, I won’t believe you.)

I’m going to end this now and sneak edit when I remember other shit like I just did with BC.

Oh PS: I am not getting into Minho and Han now. Maybe ... MAYBE by the time I’m on Jisung’s profile I’ll be emotionally ready for that.

Wait did I do a whole fucking primer on Minho without mentioning his cats? Shit I’m gonna get arrested. He has 3 cats, adopted or found. He also does a shitload of charity stuff, a lot of it animal related. Ok ok ok there.

Bang Chan - Minho - Changbin - Hyunjin - Han - Felix and Felix2 - Seungmin - Jeongin

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chocochar · 5 years

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ᴛʜᴇ ʟᴀᴅʏ x ᴛʜᴇ ᴛʀᴀᴍᴘ | Dabi x Reader [Part 1]

(AN: First read this before jumping into the fic, it’s info for it!!

So I got a request for a Lady and the Tramp Dabi x Reader (Which is almost done although it’ll be in two parts, since it’s so long... TuT;) and I got hit with a flood of ideas. So, uh, this was born yay! Dunno if anyone will like it but I’m still gonna keep up on it either way lol Get ready for a lot of introduction, Dabi shows up towards the end of this chapter XD)

Part 2: TBA

The kingdom of Musutafu is known far and wide as the largest and most prosperous of all the land; it houses both nobles and royals alike, the common areas popular for their trade and shopping, and the king, Toshinori, is well known for his kind nature. While still standing tall and proud many look up to the man, referring to him as the greatest king that's ruled over there land.

Nestled in the main city is the (L/n) manor where the nobles (Fa/n) (L/n) and his wife (M/n) (L/n) reside with their 3 daughters (F/n), (first sister), and (second sister). The family is well known for both their business involved in creating top of the line armor, specifically made of rare materials that take weeks to find, and their beautiful daughters, both of which are key reasons so many other families have flocked to them throwing their sons into the pile of suitors wanting at least one daughter's hand in marriage. While her sisters have found fitting men (F/n) is less fortunate. Nearly every single one has either been turned down by her father, clearly only interested in her money, or just not her type. It's frustrating, and sometimes she wonders what it would be like to not be connected to money and power. She's even considered leaving home, maybe becoming a trader in the commoners district, but living a sheltered life and not knowing anything beyond royal parties and courting and fancy meals, she isn't sure how well she'd make it.

Waking up like she does everyday in her plush, queen sized bed the young woman stares up at her ceiling debating on getting up or not. She's supposed to meet a suitor today, one that her father set up without her knowing until yesterday. She tries to be nice and courteous at the very least every time, they did come to visit so even under those pretenses it's the least she could do (unless they're like the young lord she met last me, ugh... then she drops the niceties and nearly kicks them out with her actual foot.)

After at least 10 minutes of lying there in a daze she gets up and yawns, stretching and shifting to get out of her bed. It takes about an hour to get ready simply because her mother orders the maids to do up her hair and makeup while also dressing her in a gown that's way too fancy for this occasion (in (F/n)'s opinion).

Coming down into the dining hall once she's ready (F/n) greets,"Good morning..." with a yawn, her mother shaking her head when she sits down.

"How many times have I told you ladies cover their mouth when they yawn, and also try to quiet them?"

(F/n) gives her a tired look before digging into her breakfast. She tries to be ladylike, since her mother will chastise her more if she isn't, and takes small bites, holding her silverware correctly, etcetera. She can feel the overbearing glances from her mother and father while they eat, her sisters keeping up the conversation while (F/n) stays quiet and focuses on her food. She's too lost in thought about the meeting today; This is a bigger and more well known man than before, being apart of the council, the royals who come together in the castle and have meetings to make decisions the king either can't decide on or doesn't have time for.

The man is Lord Enji Todoroki; his bloodline has been known for generations due to not only their heroic tales of glory or war victories but also their dragon blood allowing them to become the beasts. He's bringing his prodigy son, Shouto, whom she's met before, he's nice although not the most talkative unlike his older siblings. But his father she doesn't trust nearly as much. His wife supposedly went mad and splashed her son with boiling water, his eye scarred from the ordeal years ago, but word has also spread (you have to be careful who you say it around) that his eldest disappeared too after an 'incident'.

(F/n) doesn't know the details, no one seems to know what happened to him but everyone knows better than to talk about it.

"Are you ready, (F/n)?" Her father asks breaking her out of her thoughts. She looks at him and nods, forcing a smile and setting her silverware down. He returns the grin and adds,"Todoroki, will be here shortly so-"

A servant entering the room quiets him and they look, the man saying,"Lord Todoroki has arrived, sir, and he and master Shouto are waiting in the study."

"Ah, perfect, thank you Hans," (Fa/n) replies, the servant bowing before leaving. (F/n) takes in a deep breath, standing and patting her gown. Her father stands too, saying,"This could be it, (F/n), give it your all dear."

While she agrees her eyes have trouble meeting her dad's as she turns and leaves, going to the study to greet her guests.

[X][X][X]

The meeting starts out well, at least, (F/n) sitting across from the two royal men and trying to sit up straight and keep eye contact while they talk. Shouto is much easier to talk to than his father, (F/n) less stiff when he asks a question or replies. But she can clearly see who's leading this meeting.

"Your family hasn't offered much on the table, (L/n), if it weren't for the business we wouldn't be having this meeting today," Enji remarks, (F/n) biting her lip and taking a breath before replying.

"Well, your lordship, I truthfully do not know what my father has spoken to you about but if your son and I were to marry I can promise you we'd come to some sort of agreement."

"Hmmm... I see," is all he says back, and she fidgets with her dress. He's very difficult to talk to, the way his intense gaze seems to be sizing her up. She can feel his disapproval, but for their families he seems to know a marriage would be very beneficial. (F/n) glances at Shouto; he looks like he's having about as much fun as her. She always can tell he doesn't want to be around his father, she can't blame him.

"A-Anyways, Shouto, I heard your magic was getting much better too," she speaks up, the younger man nodding and softly smiling. He likes talking about his magic, she's noticed, unless his father is boasting about how powerful he is and how he'll be the next king for sure.

"Yes, thanks to Ochako I've learned to master more spells, especially some of the more difficult out there-"

"Not that he needed the help of some witch," Enji scoffs, arms crossed. "I have told you before, Shouto, the court mage has been looking to train you and I believe it would be better for you to take that over a girl."

Shouto narrows his eyes but doesn't bite back, instead taking a deep breath. "I have also practiced more in my dragon form, I can control my elements better than I could last time we met."

"If you'd like I'd very much like to see it today if we have time." (F/n) smiles warmly, ignoring the tense atmosphere.

Things seem fine for another few minutes before Enji once more speaks up, cutting (F/n) off as she's talking to Shouto.

"I have something to ask, (L/n)," she looks at him confused, stiffening at the expression he has. His intense cerulean orbs leave her feeling small, but they look suspicious, the (hair color) haired woman hoping she didn't say anything wrong. "I had heard your father telling one of the other nobles that the business would be going to your cousin, Izuku, is that correct?"

For once she can't think of a response, eyes wide and the noble clearly confused. 'I-I never heard about this...' She thinks, swallowing. "I... I didn't know about this... Did my father say it directly?"

"I had overheard them talking about it, I do not know the details but this will unfortunately put an end to this courting if that is the case," He admits without any hesitation. Shouto actually looks at his dad in shock while (F/n) is more taken back by hearing that her father said this. She's the oldest and has been getting taught about how to run everything since she was 14, so why...?

"Father, you can't just stop it over something like this...!" Shouto tries to argue it but Enji is not one to back down once he's made a decision.

"She is of no worth to us otherwise, she does not know magic, she's just a noble woman. The Todoroki's produce powerful offspring, we need wives who can give us that and more," He cuts the young man off, this striking a chord with the already upset noble herself. Standing abruptly she breaks the niceties.

"Who are you to judge, sir? I'm sorry if I am unworthy of your bloodline, but to be honest I wouldn't want to continue it if you are going to be my father-in-law! I am sorry, Shouto, I suppose you'll have to show me your magic some other time where we aren't being roped together against our wills," she snaps, giving the white and red haired heir a sad look before glaring at his father and storming off out of the room. The two nobles sit there, Shouto feeling a strange tightness in his chest but also impressed someone stood up to his father, while Enji is more taken back although anger is quickly growing in his bones.

When the servant comes looking for them he jumps back when the noble pushes past him storming out of the manor, his son not too far behind although admittedly not wanting to go home just yet.

(F/n), meanwhile, is off hunting down her father.

[X][X][X]

"You're giving it all to Izuku?" (F/n) asks the moment she finds (Fa/n), the man looking at her puzzled before it disappears and he's rubbing his neck, turning away from her.

"Enji told you?" He asks, also having a feeling this suitor won't work out either. But with Izuku taking on the armory giving his daughter away to a man of power is more, in his mind, for her own happiness, no longer in hopes to continue the family business.

"Yes, he did, and he was not very happy himself when he imagined giving his son to someone so unworthy," she replies bitterly, crossing her arms. He pinches the bridge of his nose annoyed but the hurt in his daughter's voice next catches him off guard. "You... Are really giving everything to Izuku? E-Even though I've been working towards being the next to take it over?" She's always known her father has favored the green haired boy, even if he tries to hide it. Most of the time she tries not to think about it but this time is different.

"(F/n), you have to understand... Izuku has been training under king Toshinori, he's worked with armor and weapons in the past, and, well-"

"You will always favorite him," She cuts him off, her father looking taken back but also not defending himself. The hurt on her face is no longer masked and she meets his eyes. "He's special, I understand, so are my sisters, I love them too but... But... I'm you're child too!" He doesn't argue, he has no place to, and she shakes her head; turning the woman rushes out of the room, heading for her own.

After a few hours of cooling down everyone gathers for dinner, although she eats quickly before hiding away back in her room.

"I'll never be the child he wants... Maybe I'll go stay at Tsu's, get my mind off of everything..."

Thus when night falls and everyone is in bed she grabs the bag she packed, currently dressed in a gown with a cloak over it, the hood of said item over her head hiding her face. She wears her flats and hides the necklace around her neck with her family's symbol on it under her clothing. Leaving her room she checks the hall before taking a less occupied, quieter route to reach the servants quarters. Leaving out the servants entrance she luckily slips away with little to no problems and holding her bag tightly she hurries away.

Unfortunately her friend lives near the lower areas of the Common Area, and with all the guards she has to take back streets and hide so she isn't seen. Being so sheltered is not in her favor, as she has no idea she's being closely followed and watched until she goes to leave an alley but is pulled back in suddenly.

"Wh-Wha-" she's muffled by a dirty, large hand. Her (e/c) eyes are wide, the woman freezing up seeing 3 men; the one holding her is on the scruffier side, looking quite a bit older than her and smelling of booze; the one to the right is lanky but has eyes that make her shake, and the left is muscled and missing an eye. The way they eye her up has her terrified and she hopes she brought enough money to maybe appease them.

"Look at this, guys, we got a pretty thing here, don't we?~" the one holding her grins, his rank breath brushing her face leaving her coughing into his palm and trying to turn her head away.

"Looks like one of them rich brats, too, check 'er bag!" the scrawny one adds trying to pry her bag from her hold. He succeeds and backs up, (F/n) still struggling to get free. She freezes up when she's groped by the one missing an eye and she shakes her head.

"Don't worry your pretty lil' head, we ain't lookin' to hurt ya," her holder says but the grin on his face says otherwise as they pull at her gown ready to undress her and do who knows what. She is able to open her mouth just enough to bite his hand, which luckily gets him to pull it back with a,"You lil' bitch-"

"HELP!" She cries out, hoping someone, anyone will come to her aid before they do anything else.

The dirty man she bit doesn't hesitate to slap her, causing (F/n) to fall over from the impact, but as he goes to kneel down the scrawny one whispers,"Ah shit, the Tramp!" All 3 stiffen and look at the alley entrance, (F/n) shaking on the ground hand covering her cheek and tears brimming in her eyes. Shakily she opens them when a new voice speaks up,"At it again, boys? Thought I told you 3 this was my area but I guess trash doesn't stay where it belongs."

She takes in his odd appearance while also wondering if he came to help her or not; his black hair looks wild yet soft to the touch, his bright blue eyes seem to glow in the dim lighting, and she can make out purple scars decorating his body kept together with his normal, pale skin by staples. His clothes have seen better days with tears in different areas and all dark shades, 3 silver piercings sit on the bridge of his nose, and in his ears sit silver loops along the shell and turquoise colored crescent shaped loops in the lobes. He has an expression that's hard to read, although she can make out some irritation. She stares at him hoping he did come to save her, and when he looks down at her she freezes at how intense his cerulean gaze is. It reminds her of a certain noble she told off earlier today...

His eyes shoot back up to her assailants when the scruffy leader shakily says,"D-Dabi, look, we was just tryin' to do some quick robbin' she wandered this way before we could-"

"I don't really care what your reasons are, Haggar, just get out of here before all your wives have of you 3 are ashes," he says fluidly, this being no idle threat since the moment they hear it the 3 men are already running back down the alley as fast as they can. The man, 'Dabi', sighs pushing some of his black locks back before he turns back to the trembling woman; (F/n) has gotten up by this point, carefully meeting his eyes and feeling more intimidated by it then even Enji's. But he doesn't seem like he'll hurt her as he walks up to her bag, grabs it, and hands it back to her, (F/n) taking it and biting her lip.

"Th-Thank you," she says, wondering if she can maybe give him gold as a way of repaying him.

He looks her over before giving a small grin and saying,"No problem, dollface, I couldn't just stand by, could I?" She turns pink at the name and his tone, but he seems friendly, at least towards her. He starts to leave the alley and she follows almost immediately, having been shaken up by that experience and finding this need to stay close to him. He knows she's following him so he asks,"What's a noble girl doing down here this late at night? Out for a little walk but got lost?"

"Um, well not exactly, I was going to a friend's home, in the shopping district... And I did get a bit lost, but when I actually figured out the way those men grabbed me," she replies, trying to keep up with him and peering up at him. "If it weren't for you..."

He glances at her and can see how shaken up she still is, deciding to give a lazy grin and keep up this friendly facade by saying,"Like I said, I couldn't just let those rats hurt a doll like you, good thing I was passing by when you screamed." He hums, getting an idea and stopping to look down at the young woman. "The shopping district is a bit far for you to walk to this late, plus you look pretty exhausted. If you'd like you can stay at my home until morning, it's about 5 minutes from here."

Despite a little voice telling her not to take the offer (F/n) is too tired to argue or deny him, so nodding she smiles and says,"I-I don't see why not, that's very thoughtful, thank you... Dabi, correct?"

He nods, starting to walk again. She drags a little behind him, adding,"My name is (F/n), it's nice to meet you." She leaves out her last name, after all she doesn't know Dabi so mentioning her family line could be a bit troublesome. He looks over his shoulder at her and smirks before looking ahead.

He'll keep up the friendly facade, for now, she seems naive to this side of town. 'As long as I keep up the act she'll be easy puddy in my hands.' He thinks, already knowing who she is, how much her family is worth, and planning on an easy chance to gain quite a bit out of this and finally get out of this city.

All he has to do is reel her in.

(AN: Okay so almost 3 days working on this one chapter, it's finally done. Sorry it's super long, had to get it goin' y'know? Honestly I dunno how much attention this will get, or if anyone will like it, but it sounded like a fun idea so I'm still gonna write it lol

Sorry if Dabi or anyone is OOC! I'm already working on the next chapter so let me know what you guys think, I love hearing peoples thoughts, any critiques I'm open to, and enjoy! (ง ´͈౪`͈)ว )

#mha dabi #dabi x reader #lady and the tramp #bnha x reader #bnha fanfiction #dabi is a thief #dragon dabi #bnha medieval au #mha medieval au

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guacameowle · 6 years

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V’s After End - Notes / Opinion

Below the cut will be my reactions, opinions, & spoilers for V’s After Ending episodes & endings. There’s a sprinkling of ~thirst~ & a lot of confusion/screaming throughout. I am afraid I haven’t gone back to proofread the episode reactions, so they’re likely a little messy & misspelled.

Episode reactions are at the top, separated by episode & endings. Long-winded opinion/discussion about the route itself is at the bottom.

Journey below at your own risk! xx

Episode 1

80 hourglasses for EPISODE ONE? Oh this man is EXPENSIIIIVE. How many episodes is this going to be? 8 TOTAL?! Goodness.

JUDGE OR FORGIVE?! Who am I judging & forgiving? Jihyun? Rika? Cauuuuuse... uhhhh.... that might change my answers a bit (a lot)

So this means there is going to be multiple endings, yeah?!

Probably hasn’t even kissed you yet & is already packing up, leaving, & asking you to wait for him. I WAIT FOR NO MAN (Jk I waited for this man for over a year. Fuck.)

Oh shiiiit. He’s leaving me his house?! Ok, I’ll wait. Have fun storming the castle! *waves*

Excuse me but does the news screen on Jumin’s tv in his room show a picture of Rika & a caption underneath that says “More Catfood”???

The bottom of the news reel also says “Does Jumin Han is Gay?” Please, release us. Let it die.

JUUUMIIIIN. DO NOT BLAME YOURSELF. Let us comfort each other in these trying times. *waggles eyebrows*

JAEHEE COMING THROUGH WITH SOME GODDAMN SENSE & LOGIC. MY GIRL!

SOMEONE GET THIS MAN HIS WINE! Ohhh, nevermind he’s been drinking too much. Let’s have some water now, Juju.

This man is mourning & distraught. I am so sad for him. & now they’re making him dependent on alcohol to relieve his stress? Uh, I don’t like where this is going.

If anything happens to Jumin in this ending I swear...

WE HAVE CHATS TOO?! Damn what a complex update!

Wait, Zen WANTS to see MC & Jihyun being lovey dovey? Zen’s an imposter. He’s been replaced. That’s the real secret of this After End.

Oh wait, he said he was lying. Whew.

It is weird giving replies in chats & not seeing little colorful hearts flying everywhere…

Zen coming in HOT with the “Do you think you can forgive Rika?” question. Woooow.

You bet your ass I asked if anyone has heard anything from Ray. I’m going to cry.

NEW SEVEN CG! SO CUTE! VANDERWOOD IN THE RAFT! SO CUUUUUTE!

“He’s an adorable shy man.” Instantly chose this option. Vanderwood is cuuuute. Yes, Seven, please tell Vandy that I called him adorable & shy. Then tell me his reply. Then give him my number.

Yoosung’s got a package. I’M SURE HE DOES. ::eyes emoji::

OH SHIT, JUMIN DROPPING THE DNA BOMB. Wait, riddle me why the fuck Jumin had access to Seven’s DNA in the first place...

Poor Seven, I thought he had already sort of knew/assumed the hacker was his twin. But I guess he didn’t really know until now?

Looks like I’m on the “FORGIVE” path. Unlocked a Jumin’s VA free chat. Alriiiight.

Episode 2

Ray? Omg my eyes teared up. IS HE ALIVE?! WHAT KINDA SHORT TEASE OF A VOICE IS THAT?! OMFGGGGG. D:

Episode 2 & I’m already fucking crying. Great. Awesome. Lovely.

Honestly, I’m glad they’re having this discussion about V keeping all this information to himself about Saeran’s existence & use within Magenta because that’s always had me side-eyeing V HARD. I’m still of the opinion that he should have told at least Seven & Jumin about everything sooner. I get that he wanted to save Rika, but he was responsible for Saeran. I’m still heated.

SAEYOUNG HAS GONE ROGUE!

Mailman route when?! Kidding. His voice is nice though.

“Burn the letter” JESUS, MC. CALM IT DOWN.

RIKA WENT MISSING. OMFGGGG. THIS AFTER END! I JUST WANTED TO KISS JIHYUN. WHAT THE FRICK FRACK IS GOING ON?!

“We found remnants of DNA that matched with those of Luciel scattered about in the remains of Magenta. Since the explosion was of no ordinary size….” My heart hurts. My head hurts. My soul hurts.

This super sad music is just making me feel worse. I hate this. I’m crying again. I’m getting emotional whiplash.

Ray deserved better. Full stop.

Rika & Saeyoung left alone & Ray’s theme starts playing. How fucking dare this game fuck with me. I’m literally lying on the floor in a ball, playing this game & crying. What the hell.

For a second I saw Saeyoung making that fist in the CG & thought he was about to punch Rika.

Wow can y’all believe Jihyun basically Noped the Fuck Out of his own After End?

Hey Siri, turn off Rika’s voice.

Seven is dropping a lot of truth. ::quietly sips my tea::

God, Saeyoung’s prayer to Saeran is heartbreaking. Props to this VA though, damn he’s good.

Still on the “FORGIVE” path. I’m going to have fun going back & taking the judgement path.

Episode 3

Jumin “THERE WILL BE NO MORE SECRETS” Han fucking coming through! My boy! God, I love him so much.

First sun reference we’ve had. I thought there would be more by now.

Jihyun is out there falling in love with an MC in his head that he’s hardly spoken with since he left. That… can’t be healthy, my dude.

Jumin showing up in the goddamn woods in his suit is hot.

Jumin Han is so so good, y’all. This conversation between him & Saeyoung is absolutely amazing. He’s doing his best to comfort & protect at the same time. He asked about Saeran. He’s encouraging Saeyoung to live, helping him understand he’ll come out of this pain & find new reasons to live. He’s struggling too, but he’s doing so much to reach out & help Saeyoung.

The line about creating a new family, one without blood ties, broke me.

Uhhhh…. who was that? “We found him but that woman is with him.” Saeyoung & Rika?

THE STRESS GAVE ZEN A PIMPLE. Can relate.

Hell yeah I flirted with Zen. He is still prettier than starlight.

“Why don’t you come over? :)” MC. GIRL. …. I like the way you think.

Yoosung: “WELL I’M NOT GANDHI.” I fucking lost my shit.

“Should I drive V’s car?” Uhhhhh YES.

“But you’re gonna have to drive thru the night for hours. I’m kind of worried.” Bitch, I’m from Texas. I got this. 8 hours is a SHORT TRIP.

The disrespect. They aren’t going to let me drive. I don’t need a man to drive me.

DID VANDERWOOD JUST? OMG DID HE? DID HE JUST SHOOT SAEYOUNG?! BITCH, I LOVED YOU????? & YOU DID THIS????

Omg my heart. Why do they play with my emotions like this. Whew. WHEWWW.

VANDERWOOD CG!!!!! AHHHHHHHHHHH!!!!!

Saeyoung is getting a lot of love tonight from his two new dads- Jumin & Vanderwood. Soft love & tough love. Shouting love at you with a gun in your face is new though.

YES! LET’S LOOK FOR A BODY! I STILL HAVE A SHRED OF HOPE RAY IS ALIVE. C’MON CHERITZ, PLEASE.

“Would you mind giving me some spotlight now?” Please let this be foreshadowing. I would eat UP a Vanderwood route.

Is another agency trying to kidnap Saeyoung? I am confusion? His dad?

Still on the “FORGIVE” path. Yoosung’s VA has a cute voice. I liiiiike.

Episode 4

My Yoosung is so sad. This boy has a lot of hate built up in him. First for V, now for Rika &&& V. Goodness.

She? Who the hell is Rika talking about? She who?!

Seems like everyone is concerned that MC will pity or listen to Rika too much. Hmm. Hmm hmmm…

Jumin is getting shit DONE.

2 years flashback. ????

Mika?! Who the fuck? Is this the “she” Rika was talking about earlier?

What he hell kinda narrative? Who is this woman? Supposedly some other girl from the orphanage Rika was a part of. She’s introduced & being used as the device that implanted this idea into Rika’s brain that she had “a devil” inside of her? She’s the reason Rika broke it off with V? Why? This feel like it cheapens everything. & why the hell is she calling Rika “Mina”? Is that Rika’s real name & I just forgot?!

IS RIKA LYING? WHY DID SHE WAIT THIS LONG TO TELL SAEYOUNG ABOUT THIS “STURDY ROOM”? COULD SAERAN REALLY BE ALIVE? Or is she trying to trick Saeyoung into leaving the cabin?!

Ok so the twins’ father has to be in on this somehow. He’s probably the one trying to get Saeyoung, I get that much. Omg... what if the reason they didn’t find proof of Saeran being dead is because his dad snatched up the remains?! Or kidnapped him alive? Or or or

Still on the “FORGIVE” path. This is hard. I want to be mean. 😈

Episode 5

I don’t know why I go into this game thinking I will just get to kiss the pretty boy. Or any boy.

Ok so more hints dropped their dad is probably involved.

“I am waiting for a letter.” GIRL, FUCK V’S LETTER. HE IS NOT HERE. SHIT IS GOING DOWN. LIVE IN THE MOMENT. IF HE WANTS TO BE OFF SMELLING FLOWERS, LET HIM. I AM TIRED.

I hope hope hope they find Saeran. Please please PLEASE.

I FORGOT. IF RAY IS ALIVE HE IS GOING THROUGH DETOX ALONE BURIED UNDER RUBBLE & ASH. I AM LIVID! WHAAAAT! SAVE. HIM.

Zen’s “WOOOOW” made me laugh.

These new CGs are a delight. I like seeing the mix of characters in them, too. Zen’s hand is huge. ::eyes emoji::

Maaan, Yoosung really flipped emotional spectrums so fast about Rika. The boy is certainly driven by his emotions.

These philosophical type chats always blow me away. This game really does get you thinking about social constructs. Fun & educating. Huh.

Getting these dirty boys to wash their hands before eating.

SAERAN MADE IT OUT?!

THAT IS SAERAN’S COUGH. OMG. HE IS ALIVE?!?! AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH!!!! 😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭😭 SAERAN!!!!

Still on “FORGIVE” path.

Episode 6

Jumin, this is a very roundabout way to tell Saeyoung you care about him & just want to look after him. You long-winded, man. I adore you.

SAEYOUNG HAS MORE VALUE THAN JUST WHAT HIS HACKING ABILITIES CAN BRING TO THE TABLE! LEAN ON YOUR FRIENDS/FAMILY, SAEYOUNG. THEY CARE FOR YOU!

10 years?! I don’t know if that is a blessing or a curse. Lol. That’s a lengthy commitment for Saeyoung though.

“Why must we give up one thing once we get something else?” Yeah, Cheritz. Why must we give up one boy once we save the other boy?!?! Hmmmm???? Lmaoooo

Saeyoung in a suit & tie!!!!!!! Niiiiiiice.

How in the hell are they gonna wrap up this story?! It’s gonna be a cliffhanger isn’t it?! Omg...

Did these idiots just straight up leave Zen, Yoosung, & MC in a random cabin in the woods FOR DAYS & go back to civilization on their own? How long does it take to return Rika back to proper authorizes?! Goodness.

WHAT?!

WHAAAAT THE FUCK?!?!

V TOOK SAERAN?! WHEN? HOW? WHAT?

MY JAW JUST POPPED IT DROPPED SO HARD. WHAT THE SHIIIIIT?!?!

Uhhhh lmao uhm why are they dressed like Jedi? Jihyun is giving Obi Wan vibes right now. I’m cackling, when I shouldn’t be. This is supposed to be a serious moment, goddamnit.

I know Jihyun probably thinks he’s doing right by taking care of Saeran but AGAIN WITH THIS DOING IT ON HIS OWN BUSINESS?! Saeyoung is devastated his brother & all the while Jihyun had actually swooped him away for some self-medicated detox tour? Just more & more secrets. I’m tired.

“Let’s wait until detox is done & you don’t wanna murder your brother. So I booked a flight for next week.” A WEEK? HA! YEAH RIGHT! BEST CANCEL THAT.

Oh, he just keeps booking & cancelling flights. Lmao. Ok. I am less judgmental now.

If Saeyoung & Saeran don’t get a reunion.... I will die inside.

Unlocked the “FORGIVE” ending.

Shit that costs 80hg too? I have nearly depleted what I had saved up!

BUT HOLY SHIT Y’ALL. SAERAN IS ALIVE! 💗💗💗💗💗💗💗

“FORGIVE” Ending

This song is hauntingly beautiful.

Who is this speaking?

Is Rika high right now wtf?!

God is a woman.

I am so over all this sun talk. Let. It. Go.

Weren’t security guards left with them at the cabin?! Did Rika just WALK out?!

Of course she’s going to run away & get away with everything. Mhmm ok.

NOW THEY ARE COMING FOR JUMIN’S COMPANY?! I THOUGHT THIS WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THE GOOD END WTF. I’LL FIGHT. DON’T COME FOR C&R. I’LL THROW DOWN. JUMIN BETTER NOT LOSE EVERYTHING.

So Rika is gone & for no reason Zen & Yoosung & MC are going to stay in the cabin alone? (& not have a threesome?!?!?!)

Jumin is literally putting his own company on the line to protect Saeyoung. This man is amazing. “We’ll rebuild.” My nipples are hard. Jumin has fully aroused me. I would have taken him right on a conference table.

Welcome to Rika’s Ted Talk

Well.... I am pleased she stepped up & laid the truth all out there. Took us years to get here, lads, but we did it!

Twin cribs. Hmmm.

2 YEARS LATER?! SO THIS CONNECTS TO THE GOOD END OF JIHYUN’S ROUTE?!

2 years, huh... I would have shacked up with Jumin looooong before now. That man is a whole snack. Selfless, sweet, handsome, has a cat. I’m thirsty.

Jumin’s become an alcoholic?! Great. /s I guess this is meant to show just how drastic things are? That Jumin, our token rational & logical man, is resorting to a dangerous lifestyle as a means of coping? I’m heartbroken.

“Have I kept you waiting for too long.” Yes.

His gift better be bringing Saeran on stage because if he unveils a white puzzle I will lose my fucking mind. It is nearly 4am. I haven’t slept. I just want a smooch.

Omg I think it’s happening.

It’s gonna happen.

OMGGGGG

Please let there be a CG of this

IT HAPPENED!!!!! THEY REUNITED!!!! OMG!!!!!

LONGEST HELL YEAH BOOOOY OF MY LIFE

Pink suit pink suit pink suit PINK SUIT!!!! 💗

Ohhhh... Saeran has burns all over his face & his hand. Is his whole left side burned? My poor boy.

5 years later?!? (Mmmm think about mid30s Jumin Han though 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻)

*gasp* A BABY!

Holy shit, not a baby. A full child.

Awwww Saeyoung & Saeran live together!!

YEEESSSS. GET THIS LITTLE GIRL INTO STEM!!!!

“When is Uncle Jumin gonna marry.” I marry him every few weeks, little girl. 👌🏻👌🏻👌🏻 when I reread his endings.

“Daddy thinks he will never get married.” I am now sad. I want to marry Jumin.

Jaehee got a promotion. Good for her. It’s what she deserves.

Aw Lucy is cute. Surprised they didn’t give her Jihyun’s hair color.

Their house has a lot of windows. 👀👀👀 Floor to ceiling windows. 👀👀👀 Good for fucking against. 👀👀👀👀

THIS CHILD IS ALREADY LEARNING TO KEEP SECRETS. NOOOOO. BREAK THIS CHAIN!

“Daddy is good with secrets, too.” TRUST ME, LITTLE GIRL. WE KNOW. WE KNOOOW. Y’all the noise I made when I read this line. Scoff wheezing?! Full exasperation.

“But you tell everything to Mommy!” About fucking time, honestly. How long did it take for him to break his secrets habit?

Ohhhhh she’s adopted! That’s why she doesn’t have his hair color. Curious why they didn’t go with the biological child path? I certainly don’t mind adoption. It definitely feels like a sort of tribute to Rika.

Girl already has a crush on Zen. Ha! Giiiirl, same. Jihyun’s reaction was funny.

I wanna ride Zen’s motorcycle & his diiiiiiiii

7 years later & Yoosung is still addicted to LOLOL. Keep it up, Yoosung. Live your best gaming life.

Now she’s plotting murder against her own dad. Goodness. & Yoosung just TOLD her this entire dark plot of the game. Lmaooooo

What happened to Vanderwood? Did he accept working at C&R? How is he? Is he eating? Did he take a vacation away from Saeyoung? I need to know.

Jihyun’s speech to his wife is sweet. Now kiss!

Omg I can’t believe I didn’t get to smooch him at all. What.

What.

100 HOURGLASSES TO RESET?!?! HIGHWAY ROBBERY! I need to save up all over again for when (if) they drop a Saeran After End

“JUDGE” Ending

No, going back to the place you hate most isn’t a sufficient form of punishment for the crimes you’ve committed. You can’t just punish yourself & call it justice. Thank u, next.

Why the fuck is Rika called Serena now?! How many names does she have?!

Is Rika really free & just doing her own apology tour?! No trial or hospital involved? I’m????

Yoosung’s dialogue makes it seem like he still wants Rika around. Flip flop.

I do enjoy that Yoosung is a very emotional character, even if sometimes in the stories I don’t agree with him. He’s always very open & honest with how he feels, even if taken to extremes.

Jaehee’s discussion with Rika was very rational. As expected.

Damn Zen gave her the boot double quick.

Jumin: “You are a minus given a breathing body.” Ohhhhhhh my god. 😮😮😮 & he told her he wants her sent to a lab to have data collected from her. Jumin is ANGRY.

So this discussion with Saeran is meant to be in her own head, yeah?

Ok her discussion with Saeyoung felt real -ish again but then her discussion with Jihyun sounded bizarre & far-fetched again. So has she just been inside her own head this entire time?

What the fuck... is going on.

Wow, let’s toss in some sexual assault via clergymen to spice things up. Alright. /s What the hell is this?

This ending is fucking bonkers

Omg Zen’s robotic reply made me lose my shit. First time I’ve laughed because of this ending.

Poor Vanderwood. He sounded excited to have a line.

Sooo... the ending has just been a mock of how a Rika route would have gone if she had one?

Wait this was all just MC’s dream?! Rika’s dream?

& now Rika is in a coma?!? What? What???!! I’m... tired.

You know what, at least Saeyoung & Saeran are back together. Silver lining. The only silver lining to this madness.

Yoosung got a whole new look again. I’ll admit, for a hot second I thought he had become a cult leader & I was worried.

Sooo... the RFA became some sort of support group for Rika’s victims?????

Jumin doesn’t want to be a part of the meetings because he doesn’t particularly subscribe to their efficiency. Zen just doesn’t want to be involved because he doesn’t want the reminder. Jihyun basically just didn’t show up. So is this to mean the RFA has fallen apart entirely? Rename the group, change your ideals, be more open with each other, & formulate new ways to create charity events/fundraisers. Find a new purpose together! PULL. YOURSELVES. TOGETHER.

Ugh. Ugggghhhhhhh.

So, I’ve sat on this for a little under 24 hours. I let it sink in, in hopes that I could make better sense of it. But honestly, I don’t feel like I have. I feel perhaps this after end should have been listed in a separate section like the secret endings. These episodes certainly read more like a secret ending.

Rather than call this “V’s After End” I think it would make more sense to have called this “V’s Route After End” (or even “Rika’s After End”). This ending felt more like a means of giving closure to the route itself, rather than an acknowledgement of Jihyun’s relationship with MC. We were shown Saeran was alive, we were given Saeyoung & Saeran reunited with one another finally, we got answers as to what happened with Rika & how she ended up in Alaska, we found out why Jihyun was really away for two years, we had Saeyoung & Saeran stepping out from the hunting shadow of their father. Questions were answered, resolutions of sorts were given.

When I think of “after end” I’ll admit, I assumed we would be given a short snippet of story revolving primarily around Jihyun & MC post-good end, like we had for the other characters; not this dramatic saga between the end of the route & before Jihyun returns two years later.

Jihyun’s route revolved around him understanding his relationship with Rika & then distancing himself from that & trying to find himself. His route felt like it had more Jihyun x Rika content than it did Jihyun x MC content. This After End there was hardly any Jihyun x MC content as he was gone essentially the entire time. He really Noped Out of his own After End; I’m still a bit shocked I paid so many hourglasses for V content.... only to not be given V content. I admit, I feel foolish & cheated, somehow. I went in hoping for more content about a character I was interested in, only to be given this dramatic story revolving around a character I don’t particularly care for.

I’m disappointed that there is a Forgive or Judge aspect to this ending.

In the Forgive path/end, the blame of Rika’s crimes & actions is pinned on Rika’s mental illness, choice individuals swaying her into taking particular actions ( “embrace your devil” ), and various circumstances she’s had to endure & live through. By introducing this new character (Mika?), are we meant to blame her instead of Rika? Is she a scapegoat since the idea was originally hers & not Rika’s, even though Rika was the one that enacted everything? On top of this, Yoosung is shown to be reading a psychology book & also comes to the conclusion that what Rika has done isn’t really her fault, but the fault of her circumstances. All of this feels like we were being ushered into forgiving Rika and feeling guilty if we don’t. Provided you do choose to forgive Rika, she finds her own inner happiness, becomes “her own sun”, and goes off to live her life in Alaska; no consequences aside from distance (physical & emotionally) from her once friends/family & developing a negative public appeal. This forgive path directly ties in with Jihyun’s good end, implying it’s the better (intended?) ending. That doesn’t sit well with me. MC shouldn’t have to forgive their captor & tormentor in order to achieve their own “good” end.

In the Judge path/end, the other characters often show hesitancy when MC expresses she will never be able to forgive Rika. There are philosophical chats about what is actually good vs bad, what is just, & who is to decide these sort of standards. We are led to question if holding on to a grudge hurts ourselves or the other party more. And in the end, when we choose to judge Rika, the RFA falls apart; everyone is miserable. Again, the reader is left feeling as if their judgement was too harsh, too cruel, or uncalled for as the consequences of it have seeped out & negatively touched other people. Rika falls into a coma – doesn’t go off to live her life in Alaska, doesn’t find her own inner peace – & this is all because she was blamed or shunned for her actions, as opposed to being forgiven. Why does everyone’s happiness depend on MC forgiving her captor? It all left a sour taste in my mouth.

I understand the discussion of what is truly good vs bad or what is meant to be just & unjust can go fairly deep, but I feel that discussion applies only to circumstances that are in a grey area. What Rika did (attempted murder, abuse, emotional & physical manipulation, drugging/brainwashing) is clear cut wrong. There is no question that these are bad decisions. It should not be up for debate whether these sorts of actions are “good or bad.” While I do not deny that Rika’s past (whatever it fully may be as I have not read her backstory DLC) has attributed to her behaviors, it does not excuse them. I believe that mental illness does not excuse someone’s actions.

These are two very extreme endings - either Rika gets off free from her actions or she becomes comatose & succumbs to a darkness. Why have these drastic differences when you can merge the two; have Rika go through treatment to help her, serve a punishment that is fitting of her crimes, help her grow & understand, then have forgiveness come later? There were several options within gameplay along the lines of “I hope one day I can forgive her” & “I hope she finds her peace.” I see nothing wrong with not having MC forgive Rika but still wish for progress to be made.

Everyone was happier in the end where you forgave Rika, though. And isn’t that what everyone wanted in the end?

Overall, I didn’t mind Yoosung & Zen portraying the voices that provide the philosophical discussions in the routes and this After End. In fact, I enjoyed the chats with them as I tend to find philosophical discussions thought provoking, even if I do not always agree with what these characters were expressing. While MM is marketed as a visual novel romance, it has never shied away from delving into deeper topics & oftentimes tries to provide a lesson. Perhaps this time, the lesson they hoped to get across, didn’t hit the mark with me.

Yoosung’s emotions were very extreme in this After End. I have come to expect Yoosung being very up front, unapologetic, & pushy with his feelings. In a game where so many characters are often keeping secrets, it’s almost refreshing to have a character that is so viscerally open. Personally, I found it interesting that Yoosung’s feeling towards Rika had flipped so drastically. It was almost as if he was now trying to overcompensate for his previous idolization of her.

I’m still of the opinion that the world does not deserve Jumin Han. Through his own pain & suffering, through dealing with the disappearance of his dearest friend, through having to come to terms with the fact that a woman he once considered a close friend turned out to be someone so villainous, he has stepped up & even at one point risked his own company, reputation, & livelihood to protect someone he now considered family. He used his time & resources to help as much as he could. He sat & genuinely listened to Saeyoung & calmly gave input despite Saeyoung verbally lashing out at him. I’ll admit I hated that Jumin seemingly became an alcoholic, or at least heavily dependent on wine, during the stretch of time these After Ends covered. He was suffering, but because he needed to keep his shit together, he used liquor as his means of turning off his brain so he wouldn’t think too heavily about what was happening, otherwise he’d spiral. You can bet your ass that every time there was an option to choose “How is Jumin doing?” I took it, because this man needs someone to look out for him while he’s busy looking after everyone else. I love him. He remains my favorite.

I am thrilled Saeran is alive. I am ecstatic Saeyoung & Saeran got the reunion I had been hoping for (& in both endings!). The doctor part of me really wishes his treatment & recovery occurred in a hospital, instead of some nature tour with Jihyun while wearing Jedi robes, but beggars can’t be choosers in fiction, I suppose. I am glad Saeran is safe, recovering, had the time to heal his relationship with Jihyun, & is living with Saeyoung now. It’s what I wanted for him.

On one hand, I can see why Jihyun kept Saeran being alive a secret (Saeran wasn’t ready to see Saeyoung yet, he was detoxing, he needed more recovery time, he needed the peace away from everything, if Saeyoung knew he would have gone after them immediately rather than wait for some time to pass) but on the other hand, I had had enough of the secrets. I am glad though that the story allowed for Saeyoung to have some hope that Saeran was alive. If the narrative had left no suggestion of hope & Saeyoung had fallen into a depression of sorts, then I feel when Saeran was finally revealed he [Saeyoung] may have not handled it as well. But Saeyoung was given a chance to hope, to grow, to finally relax/settle where he was, & was allowed time himself to recover from everything that happened, which I think helped in how he received Saeran’s reappearance.

Definitive proof that Vanderwood has grown to care about Saeyoung as a person?! Sign me the fuck up. That was amazing. I greatly enjoy Vanderwood.

With Saeyoung, I did enjoy seeing his range of emotion & reactions to this entire ordeal. He was desvasted, broken, distraught, angry. My heart went out to him & I felt his pain. His monologues were great. His reactions felt real. It was a bit jarring to see how readily he was contemplating suicide & how quickly he cast that aside as soon as some other bit of info to cling to came along. I understand, though, that this story took place in a short amount of time & the creators were trying to portray his progression in the time they had. I am tickled that he was offered a 10 year contract with C&R & that he readily accepted. I have enjoyed seeing him begin to accept that he can plant roots somewhere, open up to those around him, & not fear that he’ll one day have to leave.

I was originally miffed that Jihyun went off for two years on his own, seemingly to get over Rika, making MC wait around, before he could commit himself to MC. Knowing now that those two years were actually spent helping to rehabilitate Saeran in seclusion, I am assuaged. A bit.

I am, however, left feeling as though maybe MC isn’t meant to be with Jihyun. I’ve certainly felt as if there is more push to have Jihyun x Rika remain together as Cheritz still doesn’t give, what I would consider, adequate bonding & development between Jihyun x MC (not that 11 days of story in any of the routes could be described as adequate bonding time, lolol). Majority of Jihyun’s scenes (in his route) are about him reminiscing about his past with Rika, rather than discussions that may cultivation a budding relationship with MC. I like Jihyun, but it feels likes it’s been made intentionally hard to romance him. Maybe it was naive of me to hope we would get cute scenes of Jihyun & MC getting to know one another more, or be shown ways Jihyun made it up to MC for being gone for so long, or even a mini date story, or actually seeing the proposal happen, or even a kiss? But I did hope for all of that, so I can’t pretend I’m not sad we didn’t getting to see it. The romance between Jihyun & MC feels brushed aside, like an afterthought, & I was hoping that this After End would finally put it at the forefront of the story told.

While I don’t like how the situation with Rika was handled in either route, & while this After End was not at all what I was expecting (I just wanted to kiss Jihyun, omg), it wasn’t a total loss for me since the twins are reunited & happy, which I think may have been my biggest wish. The voice acting as phenomenal & I can tell how much time & effort Cheritz put into creating this mammoth, complex & thought-provoking story. I’ll be honest & admit that I am upset I spent so many hourglasses for content that seemed packaged as Jihyun content but turned out to be more about Rika, but nothing can be done about that now.

If I had to pick an ending I preferred, it would definitely be the Forgive End, as there is more happiness for everyone I care about when it concludes. It was nice seeing Jihyun & MC have their little family, even if it was a very brief interaction. Their adoption of a little girl feels like a nod to Rika, of sorts. Perhaps that isn’t what Cheritz intended, & maybe there is no hidden meaning to why they adopted at all, but I am happy to see Jihyun & MC having brought a child into their home to create a family with.

The CGs are beautiful. Is there even a way to unlock the title page Jihyun proposal CG? I didn’t get it in my play-through at all.

I didn’t hate this After End, but I definitely didn’t love it either. I guess it kind of falls in a strange floaty grey middle area for me, somewhat flat. Hopefully many of y’all enjoyed it! I look forward to seeing what they may give us for Saeran’s After End. I have a feeling that may be a wild story too.

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clairen45 · 6 years

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Digging into Rey and Kylo’s Spotify Playlists- part 1: episode 7 songs

The Shut Up and Dance with Me post really pushed me to go through the songs from the Spotify playlists and give you the lowdown, as I see it. That these lists even exist is beyond me! And, just to be clear, these lists have been released in 2015 pre-TFA. With no modification, even pre or post TLJ. No added material. If anything, they actually removed some songs from the lists: 2 for Kylo and 3 for Rey. I don’t think the changes necessarily meant that the songs were too revealing or, on the contrary, didn’t fit the characters anymore. It might just be copyright or legal issue or some artistic differences or god knows what. But again, the point of these lists were to get to know the characters a little better. Some characters we already knew of course, the big three ( Luke, Leia, Han Solo), but also Obi-Wan and Yoda, a list for Anakin and a list for Vader, Padmé, Mace Windu, Bobba Fett, Chewbacca... Lists for new characters: Finn, BB8... surprisingly no Poe Dameron. By the way, I think the Dark Side’ list is super interesting! And of course Rey and Kylo. Rey’s list is full of pop, girl empowerment anthem kind of songs, with a few romantic ballads, which already meant something. Kylo’s is of course full of angsty rock. I don’t want to comment on the genre. My mission was less on the musical genres than on the lyrics and how they can shed some light on the characters and their fates. Because, sure, a team chose these songs to let us know about the characters but, honestly, guys, I think somebody let them in on the rough draft of the whole ST. Because post TLJ it is obvious that a lot of songs apply to what happened as far as Rey and Kylo are concerned in this movie. And since we have our bunch of ep 7 songs, and a bunch of ep 8 songs, well, it appears a bunch of songs don’t fit either and could very well give us key information about ep 9. Before I get accused again of “reaching” (LOL), let us be honest: I think they put a lot of care into those playlists. So no, I don’t think coincidences are accidental. And yes, I think it’s fair to speculate about episode 9 looking at the songs. So let’s take the journey and crack these songs together.

There are 53 songs for Kylo (I am excluding the original soundtrack every time) and 54 for Rey. Rey’s playlist also has tunes in common with Padmé, Leia, and Luke. 4 songs in common with Padmé, quite a lot: Smoke and Fire, Rich Girl, Fighter, and Bulletproof. With Leia: Smoke and Fire, and the fact that they both have Love is a Battlefield, except that Leia is Pat Benatar’s song, and Rey’s is Jordin Spark’s song. Same title, different songs. This marks Rey as the “heiress” to these two heroines, which is not surprising. I think it is quite remarkable that she shares so many songs with Padmé, as regards the Anidala inversion we always talk about. Rich Girl, in particular, because Padmé was a Queen, so yes, the rich girl, whereas in Rey’s case the song is ironic. Rey also shares 2 song with Luke: Wild by Troye Sivan (I honestly don’t get what this song does on Luke’s playlist, so that must mean something potentially), and Adventure of a Lifetime. With Luke as a mentor to Rey in ep 8, that would kind of make sense that they would share something. I honestly merely skimmed through all the playlists, but Rey and Kylo seem to be the only one who share songs with other characters (if I am wrong, please correct me). Kylo shares 3 songs, 1 with Anakin (and NOT Vader), Bored to Death, 1 with BB8, Destroy the Map, and one with Mace Windu on You want a Battle (Here’s War). Interesting also. I won’t necessarily comment on that today, because there is a lot to go through, but these are thoughts to save and process later maybe.

Some songs can also fit two, maybe the three, episodes. And also, I have noticed something very interesting in Rey’s playlist: a lot of songs that feature in her playlist seem to be more from Kylo’s POV (like Shut up and Dance). They should normally feature on his list but because they would break away from the others in terms of genre, it is probably how they ended on Rey’s list. I found on Kylo’s playlist 1 song that, to me, should rather feature on Rey’s list, but again, would seem odd in terms of genre.

1.KYLO’S LIST/ EPISODE 7

Kylo’s list also seems way more descriptive about his character, angst, inner conflict, feelings of pain and revenge, than Rey’s list. There is a lot of songs talking about past abuse and family conflict. Sweet Dreams by Marilyn Manson is a good example: “ Some of them want to use you/ Some of them want to get used by you/ Some of them want to abuse you/ Some of them want to be abused”. References to dreams and nightmares in Kylo’s playlist are also quite noteworthy because they tie in with Rey’s visions as described in TFA: she hears voices in her dreams, and when she first sees Kylo, she knows that she has seen him before “in a dream, in a nightmare”. We can also find some parallels with the plot in episode 7: the Jakku massacre, meeting Rey, killing Han... Recurring themes are, without surprise, fire, death, suffering, dreams and nightmares...

This Means War (Avenged Sevendold). That song is packed with so much about his feelings and his introduction in the ST. It goes on and on really. I could quote the whole thing. But here are the highlights :

Hide my face again, harbor in the shadows (duh!) Feel this weight of sin hammering away Die, with the guilt of a thousand AWOL soldiers (The pull to the light) Die, watch the scythe usher me astray (Lor San Tekka’s execution)

The ugly side of me is strong

Carry me to nowhere (Jakku is nowhere!) Lie!Mask the pain Of a child who's forsaken Lie! To myself Praise the new regime (honestly, did they write the song for Kylo?)

I left me long ago Reasons you'll never know No one to miss me when I'm gone With no more words to say No argument to stay. Another post I don't belong (Lor San Tekka: The First Order rose from the dark side. You did not)

No home to call my own No finding someone new No one to break the fall No one to see me through No name to carry on No promise for today No one to hear the call (Oh hon, hang on, the girl is coming!) Buy into the fear (Rey: You are afraid!) My serpent blood can strike so cold (Murderous snake! again) Another thought I can't control (Force bond much?)

Elements of TFA Plot:

Legion of Evil (OFF): “Break down houses”, “ Mystery crews on a murderous spree” (the opening on Jakku, with his mysterious identity) but also “Retaliation against horrible gods/Treasonous snakes with gentlemen's lies/ Waving a false flag to sell the deception” which of course are reminiscent of his line to Rey about the Resistance: “ You mean the murderers traitors and thieves you call your friends ? “. But can also ironically evoke Snoke’s influence on him: he is the treasonous snake with gentlemen’s lies. Or even to him as seen from Rey’s POV in 7 and at the beginning of TLJ: “a treasonous snake”/ “murderous snake”/ “liar”...

The Red (Chevelle) and Evil Eye (Franz Ferdinand), both emphasize the color red, which is Kylo’s color theme.Thunder and Lightning (Motorhead”, “ Maybe you'll die, maybe you'll fly/ Fire in the sky, thunder and lightning”. Heart of Fire (Black Veil Brides): “ I feel alive inside I won't be terrorized, I'll take all the blame/This heart of fire is burning proud/ I am every dream you lost and never found/ This heart of fire is stronger now”. Also the attack on Jakku.

The Map plot: R2 where are U (Flying Lotus): it takes both BB8 and R2 to find Luke’s hideout. This song is also on BB8′s list by the way. Destroy the Map (36 Crazy Fists). Obviously the title is interesting because Kylo gives up on the map and gets Rey instead. The song presents some other interesting points: something that could evoke Starkiller base “ And the clouds don't break when the sun is on empty” , and also something that seems to fit straight into TLJ: “You couldn't hold your mouth to stop the sound/ With all these riches on the tip of your tongue/And I was trying to dampen it all out/You were talking louder than I should here/Producing nothing but all these mirrors”, “ Where the baptized drown/We used to breathe” (Rey in the cave) “This time, our time, we have, we'll last”. So gain some songs can actually fit more than 1 episode.

Failing on Starkiller: beaten up by Rey, never got the intel about Luke... At least I’m known for something (New Found Glory): “ I've figured out my situation/ I am an endless source of useless information/ Give me bad news could be something expecting/ I let my front down/ And I know I will regret it/ /But you don't know that and I'm the one to blame for it/'Cause I'm destined for failure“. More Starkiller: My own Summer (Deftones): “ Hey you, big star/ Tell me when it's over”.

Family and Han:

Refusing his legacy. War on the Palaces (Refused):

I carry history with me I carry hope (I see you Ben You are My Only Hope Solo!!!!) All the nameless faces before us Let's carry them all

I wanna carry the dead (his attachment for Vader instead of the living members of his family) Wage war on the palaces

Bored to Death (Blink 182): “ And it's a long way back from seventeen/The whispers turn into a scream/And I'm, I'm not coming home/Save your breath, I'm nearly/ Bored to death”. Mene (Brand New): “ My father spoke of prophecy/ To think that I believed is self-centered of me/There was something I was trying to say/ But then I choked on it and now it's getting kind of late” (@madandmisquoted did a meta on how Kylo mumbles “I love you dad”+ “It is too late”). Indestructible (Rancid): “ It's so fake now, everything I see right through/I'm ashamed now to say I ever know you” evoke his scene with Han. I don’t wanna Hear It (Minor Threat): “ I don't want to hear it/ I'm sick and tired of all your lies/ I don't want to hear it/ When are you gonna realize.”. Family and mommy issues: Down With the Sickness (Disturbed): “ It seems what's left of my human side/ Is slowly changing in me”, “ It seems you're having some trouble/ In dealing with these changes/ Living with these changes / The world is a scary place/ Now that you've woken up the demon in me”, “ No mommy, don't do it again/Don't do it again/ I'll be a good boy/I'll be a good boy, I promise No mommy don't hit me/ Why did you have to hit me like that, mommy?”.

Conflict

Got the Life (Korn): “Hate, something, someway, each day, dealing with no forgiveness/ Why? This shit inside/ Now everyone will follow/ So give me nothing just feel/ And now this shit will follow/ God begs me, the more I see the light, who wants to see?”. Strife (Trivium): “ I reach for calm/ I starve for a balance unknown/ This burden tortures me deep in my soul” ; “ Guilt buries me alive/ In a coffin criticized/ I shouldered the blame and dug this hole for me to lay in”. Duality (Slipknot). The title says it all, but it definitely applies to the scene with Han: “ You cannot kill what you did not create”; “Pull me back together/ Or separate the skin from the bone/ Leave me all the pieces, and then you can leave me alone” (Can apply to “I’m feeling torn apart”, “I killed your son, he was foolish and weak” ).

The Girl

I know that’s what you’ve been waiting for. There are 2 major songs about Rey in that list and one them has been removed, A Cross and a Girl Named Bless (Evans Blue). That song presents some elements that stretch all the way to 9. I’m including it here, because of the obvious reference to the way they meet on Takodana:

She's holding out for weapons to kill the ghosts inside (She shoots at a ghostlike figure in the forest)

Or at least kill the thoughts she has of killing her mind (Get out of my head!)

She says "I love you" with her hands (TLJ: Smut Hut)

She says "I hate you" with her eyes (You have that look from the forest..)

There's a pretty girl somewhere with a pretty name (What girl?)

But I could never let you know how much this means I swear we'll end this war, because we both know

It wasn't worth fighting for (Major episode IX spoiler)

She, she said to me I will be driving in the wrong direction Did you ever think that maybe your life

Is heading in the wrong direction, baby? (Throne Room Scene)

There's a cross up on the wall See from the corner of your eye When you're down on you knees...and she's begging please So go and lay back down tonight Because you won't know who you are

Until you're down on your knees...your begging please (End of TLJ, Crait)

The other big song is The Answer (Savages):

Wish me luck This was a hard year And I can't see No brighter future Wish me luck I saw the answer It was a girl (What girl?) Will you go ask her (Interrogation scene, the girl is all we need) I saw the answer Will you go ask her Love is the answer

Evil (Interpol): “ Heaven restores you in life/ You're coming with me/ Through the aging, the fearing, the strife/ It's the smiling on the package/ It's the faces in the sand” (the abduction, Rey is literally a face in the sand, the smile...), “You're weightless, semi-erotic/ You need someone to take you there/Sandy, why can't we look the other way?/Why can't we just play the other game?” (he carries her in his arms like a feather, You need a teacher!).

There is also a song there that is all about Rey’s POV on Kylo in TFA. Headstrong (Trapt) screams Rey during the interrogation scene. But, again, they couldn’t have put it on her playlist so it features on his instead.

Circling your head contemplating everything you ever said (getting in HIS head) Now I see the truth I got a doubt (You... are afraid you will never be as trong as Darth Vader!) A different motive in your eyes and now I'm out (escapes the interrogation room) See you later I see your fantasies You wanna make it a reality baby paved in gold See inside, inside of our heads yeah Well now that's over

Back off I'll take you on (Forest duel) Headstrong to take on anyone (Come on, that is SO Rey!) I know that you are wrong Headstrong we're Headstrong Back off I'll take you on Headstrong to take on anyone I know that you are wrong This is not where you belong (Trying to turn him in 8)

I can't give everything away (I won’t give you anything!) I won't give everything away

2.REY’S PLAYLIST/EPISODE 7

JAKKU

There are songs about Rey’s life conditions on Jakku. Poverty in Rich Girl (Gwen Stefani): “ If I was a rich girl/ See, I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl/ No man could test me, impress me, my cash flow would never ever end/ Cause I'd have all the money in the world, if I was a wealthy girl”. Of course the morale of the song is “All the riches in the world don’t mean anything without your love”. To remind us that if Rey has dreams it’s mostly about finding love and belonging. Interesting that she shares this song with Padmé who had the riches + the love and still didn’t get her happy ever after, but more on that later...

New Americana (Halsey) about survival of the fittest, the daily struggle of poverty, social divide. That one is also interesting because of its reference to James Dean: “ Young James Dean, some say/ He looks just like his father”. There is also the big reveal about Kylo being Han’s son. I think it’s probably how they first imagined Kylo, as a hypersensitive, rebellious, angsty youth, a character from East of Eden (another reference to Eden). The character played by James Dean, in Elia Kazan’s adaptation of Steinbeck’s famous novel, is Cal, a rebellious son who believes his father does not love him and sees him as evil incarnate. Kylo much?

Daylight (Matt and Kim) can also be about home and Jakku: “I miss yellow lines in my roads/ Some color on monochrone”, ‘Cause the daylight anywhere feels like home”. In TFA she wants to go back to Jakku. Rey is also used to having to fight for her survival: “ Murder lives forever/And so does war/ It's survival of the fittest/ Rich against the poor/ At the end of the day/ It's a human trait/ Hidden deep down inside of our DNA”.

Some songs talk about Rey’s dreams and her feelings of loneliness.Chandelier (Sia): “I'm gonna live like tomorrow doesn't exist/ Like it doesn't exist/ I'm gonna fly like a bird through the night,/ Feel my tears as they dry”. How she lives on a day to day basis and feels lonely all the time. Wake Me Up (Avicii):

Feeling my way through the darkness Guided by a beating heart I can't tell where the journey will end But I know where to start They tell me I'm too young to understand They say I'm caught up in a dream Well life will pass me by if I don't open up my eyes Well that's fine by me (stuck waiting on Jakku)

So wake me up when it's all over When I'm wiser and I'm older All this time I was finding myself And I didn't know I was lost

I tried carrying the weight of the world (Literally her job as a scavenger) But I only have two hands I hope I get the chance to travel the world And I don't have any plans I wish that I could stay forever this young Not afraid to close my eyes Life's a game made for everyone And love is a prize

THE FIGHTER

Of course songs about Rey, the independent girl, the fighter... Fighter (Christina Aguilera): “ 'Cause it makes me that much stronger/ Makes me work a little bit harder/ It makes me that much wiser/ So thanks for making me a fighter/ Made me learn a little bit faster/ Made my skin a little bit thicker/ Makes me that much smarter/ So thanks for making me a fighter”. Another song shared with Padmé. I know the song is about a guy that cheated on the girl and lied to her, but rather than about Kylo, this song can apply to a lot of people in Rey’s life: her parents, Unkar Plutt, and all the people she’s had to deal with since childhood. There is Run the World (Beyoncé) that could also be foreshadowing for episode ix. Kelly Clarkson’s Miss Independent, with the perfect title for Rey’s episode 7, but the message about love in this song actually fits better episode 8. Roar (Katy Perry): empowerment anthem, plus Rey looks like a lioness at the end of TFA, baring her teeth and snarling at Kylo. Possibly Piece of Me (Britney Spears).

Confident (Demi Lovato) fits well with Roar. That one screams end of TFA with beating Kylo down.

It's time for me to take it I'm the boss right now Not gonna fake it Not when you go down 'Cause this is my game And you better come to play

I used to hold my freak back

Now I'm letting go

I make my own choice (accepting the saber)

Bitch, I run this show So leave the lights on No, you can't make me behave

So you say I'm complicated

That I must be outta my mind But you had me underrated Rated, rated

What's wrong with being, what's wrong with being

What's wrong with being confident?

There is the teaser song about Rey’s origin. That’s Not my Name (The Ting Things). Well, in TFA everybody is asking about her identity, about “the girl”, wo that would make sense to have this song. Rey might not even be her name after all, though she is old enough when her parents sell her to remember it; Does it mean we will l get a new name in ix? Maybe. Or just Rey Solo. I think the song is really there for the fun about the possible identity of Rey...

THE ESCAPE

Songs about Rey leaving Jakku and becoming a pilot. Obviously: Starships (Nicki Minaj) because “starships are meant to fly”. Boom Boom Pow (The BEP): “ I'm on that supersonic boom/ Y'all hear the spaceship zoom”. Alive Tonight (Grace Potter), for these lines: “In the dark of the desert/ I saw a man with a sign, it said/ People get ready, 'cause it's all over/ It's all gonna end tonight, well” ( On Jakku, Lor San Tekka is the man with the intel about Luke promising that “this will begin to make things right”, and eventually this sign gets to Rey through BB8 at dusk in the desert). I also like these lines: “ You wanna get in on the action, you want/ Everyone to listen to you, oh/ You're just living in a prediction/ And that don't, that don't make it true, no” which fits the fact that things will not be as simple as Rey thinks. Also about the end of Rey’s time on Jakku, The Dog Days are Over (Florence+ the Machines): “The dog days are over/The dog days are done/ The horses are coming so you better run”. These lines are great: “Leave all your love and your longing behind you/ Can't carry it with you if you want to survive”, about giving up on Jakku and close to Maz’s line about “the belonging you seek is not behind you”.

MEETING KYLO

Now, with songs that reflect on meeting Kylo... There is Gibberish (Max): “ But then I caught you creepin'/ Secrets that you were keepin”, which could fit the interrogation scene. Or the title could just refer to the fact that Rey seems to understand every language she meets (BB8, Chewie...). LOL. Obviously, the beautiful Yes Girl (Bea Miller):

I got you figured out, you need to have control You think that I don't know you, I know you, I know Trying to tell you now, I've been doing what you want But I won't be your yes girl, no, not anymore

And these even better lines: “ And now you're my favorite sin, oh/ Cause I'm either on your side or you're a mile away” (which fits TLJ better). There is Focus (Ariana Grande): “ I can tell you're curious/ It's written on your lips/ Ain't no need to hold it back/ Go ahead and talk your shit/ I know you're hoping that I'll react/ I know you're hoping I'm looking back/ But if my real ain't real enough/ Then I don't know what is” (again, mood for the interrogation scene). Also like that line: “ Let's find a light inside our universe now/ Where ain't nobody keep on holding us down”.

That one seems really more to me from Kylo’s POV when Rey leaves for the MF at the end of TFA. We Come Running (Youngblood Hawke):

Headed for the open door Tell me what you're waiting for (Rey is coded as the waiting one) Look across the great divide (the ground falling apart between them) Soon they're gonna hear The sound, the sound, the sound (Boom goes Starkiller) When we come running Never go where we belong (obviously, they parted ways when they should be together) Echoes in the dead of dawn (Force bond foreshadowing echoes?) Soon they're gonna know The sound, the sound, the sound When we come running

And also that one: Force of Nature (Bea Miller). That one really fits Kylo in TFA as he starts falling for Rey during their duel on Starkiller: I don't know why but my hands are shaking I can see you coming and I stand here waiting (Didn’t put up much of a fight, honestly) Yeah I get tongue tied in the conversation (Lost the interrogation scene fight) It's an F'd up, bad, sick situationI tried to tie my heart down, board up all the windows Oh but it's too late now (Too late is classic Kylo) I let you get too close (like inside my head) I know I should take cover, hide inside these four walls But baby I surrender, it all'Cause you're a force of nature (Marry Me Face) Look at what you've done I can taste the danger but I don't wanna run So pull me to the ground and I won't put up a fight (End of the fight) I'm a caution taker, but baby you're a force of nature Baby you're a force of natureI feel your lips move in and they take me under (The Force? Mesmerized in looking at her) You know just what to do, how to make me want you And I know I'll be broken when it's over Oh but I can't help but pull you closerI'll be here 'till we collide I don't care if I survive So crash into me one more time

Say what you want, but this beautiful ballad is all about Kylo’s feelings for Rey!

BONUS: THE INVERSE ANIDALA SONG?

There’s an intriguing tune in Kylo’s playlist. Incorporeal (Tiger Army).

I’m gone I died long ago but my spirit still roams (Incorporeal) Unwanted in heaven, forgotten in hell as on earth (Incorporeal) I don't want to stay here, it seems that I'll never be free Oh can you hear me? (no) And so It has come to be that I must wander forever (Incorporeal) Many things I have seen, empires that rise and then fall (Incorporeal) A life you live long is simply a moment to me A tiny drop of water in the sea of eternity There's no place for me everywhere that I go Only seems to bring upset and harm There's one thing that I want and one thing only Release into the great beyond Don't want to remember when I was alive When I held my true love in my arms For like you I once was, and like me you shall be When you Feel a chill in the night perhaps it's me saying hello (Incorporeal) You're so much like my love though she lived in a long ago time (Incorporeal) I long to see her, the day when my soul's laid to rest The peace that I can not find in life, I can find in death

Honestly, this song makes me want to scream!!! Heavy reincarnation theme. Especially when you cross that with Rey sharing 4 songs with Padmé. And with the fact that Anakin (not Vader) and Kylo share a song. And the song I mentioned, Rich Girl. Rey is the inverse Padmé already, right? She’s the younger one in the couple, and she is poor with a low status. Again, Padmé has everything (the riches and the guy) and didn’t end up happy. By sharing songs, it might be another hint that Rey will succeed where Padmé didn’t.

This is it for 7, guys. It is quite a beast. 34 songs left to go through in Rey’s playlist, 25 for Kylo.

#rey and kylo spotify playlists #those playlists have a tale to tell #reylo #reylo fandom #reylo evidence #reylo meta #inverse anidala

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tsurangaconundrum · 3 years

Note

Hello Han! Not sure how you feel on cicada updates but I thought I’d give one anyway because cicadas are my buddies. They’re my little friends! So stupid so loud! Love em. Coincidently the epicenter of the brood happens to be near my birthplace, so my parents got to see some old friends to gossip about in the car and I got to see the the site of my first jesus bath. I’m not catholic anymore but I used to be so I’m pretty sure it doesn’t count as blasphemy when I say there was a statue of Mother Mary and oh boy shes a total milf <3. St. Pauls ok too i guess :///.

The cicada were SO FUCKING LOUD! It was like- have you ever been to a concert? Louder than that. If you haven’t, just put on your headphones to full volume and play rain sounds that’s kinda how it was. There were two different “types” of them, bigger ones with orange striped bellies and smaller ones with solid black bellies. From what I observed, they make different noises! The black ones have a more high pitches squeal, whereas the striped ones are more of a deep hum. Both sound like a chainsaw a little. Now, I’m not sure why this is, or even if it’s correct, the difference in song could be due to age or health or something. I thought maybe the black ones might grow + develop stripes as they reach the peak of their adulthood, but I was lucky enough to watch a nymph shed her skin and dry out, she came out with stripes. Neither sex is very smart, but from what I observed, males were more likely to be stuck on their backs on the ground. Though maybe males are just more common, don’t get me wrong there are a lot of females, but I def recorded more males. Then again, I had a meager sample size and totally coulda been letting one go then accidentally catching it again. (Naturally I did collect plenty of dead ones so once I get them sorted out maybe I’ll have a better answer.) Did I tell you about the blue/gray eyed variant? I saw some pics of them and was super excited to look for some, and I found two!! I also found quite a few with more orange eyes rather than the distinctive bright red but idk how much color variation there is with that, or how much of a difference it needs to be counted as a mutation. What I really need is to actually read some of the articles on them lol. I don’t make a great entomologist, but I had a lot of fun measuring and documenting them. Next time we’ll see them is 2038, and if I am still alive then (not suicidal just don’t wanna jinx it), I hope to return! Who knows, maybe by then I’ll actually know how to take proper notes.

And don’t worry, I’m already thinking about ways I can relate this incredible once every 17 years natural phenomenon to the cw’s supernatural. I mean, I’ve spent my downtime during the trip rereading all my fav fics, which, granted, isn’t all that different from normal, but it has reminded me how fun it is to give people weird biological traits. I honestly feel a little guilty learning new facts sometimes because I’m just gonna write weird shit with them, but there are literal academics and parents and like, members of society writing fic so I guess don’t go studying fish so close if you don’t want me to think about mermaids. H2O: just add water fundamentally changed me as a person (made me bisexual). Okay I’m gonna quit, apologies if this isn’t very entertaining as I hope I usually am, but wow!!!! CICADAS!!!!!!!! Anyway how have you been lately??????? Had any zany adventures? Stay safe!

dba!!!!!! my best friend dba!!! i have been to a concert (though not in in a few years) so i do know what you mean. i also have family in cicada country so they sent videos and the noise is mfing insane. very much glad to receive your data. honestly like, if you're taking data at all thats more than most people. you're a great entomologist to ME.

cicadas are actually not related to supernatural so much as they are a metaphor for supernatural fans, as we are so fucking loud, once we woke up from hibernation underground.

no zany adventures for me. unfortunately ive been doing finals and such lately, though i did wander through a botanical gardens for several hours a couple weeks ago.

#dead bird anon #i didnt watch h2o as a kid but i do have a friend that was turned gay by it as well lmao. i meanwhile was gay-ified by alice from bakugon

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binniesthighs · 4 years

Text

hello stranger | reader x changbin |

Part 3

Pairing: self insert, female reader x seo changbin, female reader x han jisung

Genre: strangers to lovers, fluff, smut, angst

Tags: (of this part) college au, rapper!changbin, rapper!jisung, artist!reader, establishedfwb!jisung, skz side characters, explicit language, conflicting feelings angst, reader has past trauma/trust issues (implied), fingering (f receiving), multiple orgasms (implied), fluffy n’ intimate body touching (this is a thing I think lol), lil bit of nipple play, seo changbin being the soft soft dom of my SOUL

Word count: 4.6k

Chapters

PART 1 | PART 2 | PART 3 | PART 4

ding-ding-diNG!

Your teeth chattered, battling the early morning frigid air. White wisps of your shaking breath vaporized in front of you. Your arms were tightly wrapped around your chest and your knees bounced with a little dance to keep your blood flowing.

[02:29] CB

me: where the hell are you? are you coming down?

Your dry and cold fingers typed out the words hurriedly on your phone screen. One more time, you smashed your finger on the buzzer button. You figured that if he had fallen asleep after inviting you over, you would kill him.

“Come on, come on,” you hissed into the open air.

Thick footsteps came clomping down the stairs from the other side of the frosted glass door, and your attention quickly whipped over.

As expected, he had adorned himself in nearly all black clothing. Nevertheless, he had thought to pull out his silver chain over the padded coat with white stripes down the arms.

“Took you long enough. Let me in, I feel like my toes are frozen.”

Changbin’s eyes cast down to your thin canvas sneakers you had put on in your haste, which were now covered in snow.

“You should have worn better shoes then. Lets get going.”

“--Get going??”

He swung the door behind him closed and it locked with a little click.

“We’re going somewhere?”

“I’m hungry.” Changbin simply announced, then took off walking down the block.

“I thought that--”

“--Keep up. It’s not that far.”

He led the two of you onward, and you snuck one more look up at him and the way that the snowflakes got tangled in his hair.

╚ ——————————————— ╝

“Here, be careful, it’s hot.”

After brushing off the ice crusted bench, Changbin presented to you a giant bowl of steaming noodles so large you guessed you could keep live fish in it. The smell of the broth was dreadfully nostalgic and was full of all of your favorite ingredients, almost as if he had known exactly what you would’ve ordered. You couldn’t help but feel giddy while the steam wafted up your nose.

You wondered with full eyes, “Oh my god, what is this?”

“-The best thing that you’ll ever have in your life. You might as well thank me now.”

You pulled the little heater closer towards the two of you with radiating orange coils. Changbin didn’t skip a beat sitting right down next to you, letting the fabric of both of your coats intermingle.

“This is my favorite place in the city. Their recipes really remind me of my mom and grandma’s.”

“Well I’m really excited to try.” You blew off a handful of noodles steaming into your nose while Changbin expectantly watched you hork it down.

“So?”

You covered your chomping mouth with your hand. “So, so good.”

“Hmm.” He scoffed, then there was that smug little smirk of his.

You thought to yourself that it was kind of cute.

The two of you sat quietly together, watching the silent sounds of the snowfall on the road in front of you, following the cars that passed. Over time, your body seemed to gravitate: bit by bit and piece by piece, closer to the boy next to you.

Changbin set down his metal chopsticks with a tiny clink on the table. “So, are you going to tell me about yourself now?”

“Me?”

“Didn’t I say last time I wanted to know?”

You remembered, but this time you couldn’t as easily kiss away the questions on his lips.

“How do you mean? There isn’t too much to know.”

“I don’t think that’s true. What is it that you study?”

“You want to know what I study?”

You nearly laughed in your surprise at the mundane question considering that the person sitting across from you had seen you turned inside out, a moaning and muttering mess upon first meeting, and he wanted to know what you studied?

“Why does that matter?”

“Matters ‘cause I want to know.” He simply returned, and gave you that look.

Normally his eyes were stormy grey, like the way that the sky would sizzle with energy before lighting would crack. They clouded with severity that seemed dangerous when he was angry, or when there was something that he wanted. But, looking at you like this, there was no danger that they held.

“Are you going to tell me or just keep glaring at me like that?” Changbin nodded to your nearly empty bowl. “Finish that. Don’t let it go cold.”

You did as you were told--at least it wasn’t answering the question.

“Fine. You don’t have to tell me. But tell me something else at least. Why were you at that show?”

“My friends took me? My friend Chan is really into underground rap and stuff like that so he usually drags me and Felix with him. I don’t mind.”

“See? Was answering that that hard?”

You had forgotten, then laughed a little to yourself. “Chan actually was there to see you. He had heard about you from whatever those circles are. He was really excited.”

“I’m actually glad you were there for that reason. For a second there I thought you might’ve said that you were there to see Han Jisung.”

You nearly spat out your bite of noodles, and choked a little on the broth.

“Guy’s a fuckin’ showboat and a cocky asshole. The girls at the shows are usually there for him.”

“What the fuck? You didn’t just say that.”

Anger bit like acid in your throat.

“What? He is!!”

It should have hurt more that he had assumed that you were one of the masses that would fall over their feet for Han Jisung, but it didn’t. Your chest twisted in knots knowing that the assumption was right--that hurt the most. You felt sick knowing now how he would look at you if he knew where you would stoop.

“I’m complimenting you!! I’m glad that you don’t waste your time on assholes like him.”

“Since when do you get to pass judgement on who I do and don’t spend my time with? -And aren’t you one of those same assholes? Up there on that stage, what makes you think that you’re any different from the rest of them?”

“I mean...I like to think that I’m not--”

Your eyes rolled back so far it might’ve hurt a little.

“You’re all the fucking same. I’m so fucking stupid.”

The words quietly fell off your lips like venom.

“We’re all?” What are you talking about?”

“And what the hell is this with trying to get up all in my business? We fucked once Changbin, what more do you want from me? You think I owe you something now? I’m not falling for that again.”

The crunch of your footsteps padded the snow when you turned out of your seat to speed away from him as fast as you could, and as far as you could.

He was the unbelievable one.

“Stop! I don’t get what you’re talking about. Falling for what again? You’re not making any sense! And no, I don’t think that you owe me something. I’m sorry if you thought that. I’m just--” He grabbed at your arm.

“--WHAT?” you tore his hand away.

“Is it a fucking crime to fuck someone and then give a damn about them? Ever heard about that happening?”

In your life?

Something terrible and suffocating rose in your chest that felt like a sob that you had held in for much too long.

“Listen.” Changbin approached you closer, carefully, that look softening. “It’s freezing out here, it’s late. We...don’t have to talk about it any more. I’ll take you back to my place, I’ll call you a cab, you can go home? Okay?”

Changbin poked out his arm looped in his pocket for you to link up to.

You didn’t need his help when you knew the way.

╚ ——————————————— ╝

Rosemary and cedarwood again. It was like it was everywhere. It was in the hoodie that he insisted that you put on and all entangled in the fabric of that blanket that he draped around your shoulders. Had you remembered what it was like under the covers of his bed, it was likely there too.

“Warming up?”

The bed bounced a little where he sat next to you with the tips of his ears pink. As cold as you were, you were certain that he must have been colder.

“I’m fine. Thank you.” You crossed up your cold feet under your legs.

“20 minutes? Then I’ll call them?”

You nodded, pulling up the blanket hem to your nose and covering half your face.

Changbin breathed out a little laugh. “You look like a marshmallow.”

“Gee, thanks.”

“Not a bad thing.”

His smile fell, and he focused on the silver rings twisting around his fingers. He fiddled with them, and you watched, neither of you knowing really what to do with the silence. After some resolve, he crawled over next to you, to lay facing your bundled up face.

At last, he sighed, “I could tell you about me. If you care.”

Rather than respond, you merely kept on looking at the way the silver would glimmer in the dim yellow of the light.

“Everything that I do, I do to rap and to perform. My parents never supported me doing this kind of thing and said that if I wanted to do it, I would loose their support. After a while, I realized their support wasn’t that valuable anyway if it was going to be over something that didn’t matter to me. I moved out after high school, I’ve been doing this ever since.”

“You like it that much?”

He cracked his fingers, “Sometimes you just know what it is that you’re gonna spend your life doing. For me, it’s this.”

Your eyes fell to your own hands which still were speckled with little flecks of acrylic.

“I know what you mean.”

“You do?”

“I...paint. And stuff like that. It’s not my major, it could never be, but I feel like that when I’m mixing the colors together and it’s just right. Helps me get the thoughts outta my head.”

“Yeah...it’s exactly like that.”

In the warmth of the blankets, you felt a yawn escape your lips and your eyes grow heavy. Your vision had grown blurry, and your dry eyes begged for sleep, but you could still see the way that creeping little smile tugged at his lips.

You thought to yourself that it was kind of cute.

“Thank you for telling me something about you.”

His voice was some kind of dreamy watercoloring of pale pinks and blues. You thought you had likely imagined it. The weight of his hand on your arm felt weightless too, why was it lingering here? His fingers tickled your ear while he swept your hair behind the skin.

The way that he whispered, “You’re making me want to kiss you.” must have been some kind of dream too.

Laying like this, right by your side reminded you for before, and the way that your brain had gone cloudy--you could’ve kissed him like that for hours.

“You...didn’t stop yourself before.”

Your challenge was all that he needed to take both sides of your face into his hands connecting himself to you incessantly, but gently. He spilled into your mouth kisses of sky blue and lavender, every single one more dedicated than the last. He kissed like he was dizzy and that you would make it all right for him, and like you were the one that he could find over and over. His mouth was blazing hot with warmth and he missed no part of you, moving on to kiss you in places you didn’t know needed the attention: over your bottom and top lip, in the corners of your mouth and the tip of your nose, carefully on the peach fuzz on your cheeks and the bone of your jawline. Each one was purposeful and sweet and melted into your skin snowflakes.

His wandering hands were cold under the blankets, but you didn’t mind the sensation against your bare skin where he crept his way in, smoothing over the curves of your body.

Changbin cascaded is way down, pulling you in by the hips closer to his own body. Your core tightened feeling his hands trickle over your waistband.

“Can I?” He whispered into his kisses.

You nodded: your exhaustion mixed with some state of unconscious desperation that you had entwined together, and you were completely at his mercy once more.

“Yes. I’ve...wanted you to.”

He popped the button and unzipped your pants with little effort, slipping those same cold fingers into the heat of your folds. You shivered with the two temperatures mingling and the pressure of his fingers on your slicked bud in little circles.

All you could manage were a couple of attempts at forming some kind of words that would eventually get caught in your throat. With one hand, you clawed at the fabric of his tee, hoping just a little that he liked the way that your nails would dig into his skin. His digits mingled all in your arousal, and brought it back up to your clit to make it twitch. After a while he would let you throw your head back into the pillows to feel every little bit of it and focus only on the way that he would press his fingers in harder and faster, then tease you over with barely touching you at all. He would remove his fingers too, to admire the way that it would string between them, leaving you a writhing mess without him.

“Bin, please, just wanna--”

You didn’t need to finish your sentence before he granted your wish. He sped up for you, rubbing in perfect circles for your clit to throb under his touch, closer and closer...

“Can I--?”

He didn’t answer you, but instead, leaned down to fill your mouth with more kisses and maintained his pace with forearm muscles flexing slightly.

Your orgasm was faster and much harder than you had expected: it rocked your whole body, from top to bottom where your legs thrashed and your toes curled. The muscles of your stomach tensed, and you felt your whole core spring upward as you came. Luckily, you remembered to be quiet and kept your breath short and sharp, letting only the tiniest of moans meet the air.

Changbin helped you ride your orgasm out until you could take no more sensation, then stopped, snapping your underwear hem a little on the way up. He held you close as you caught your breath, snickering a little when your body would shake. Your euphoria calmed you down into an even more exhausted state, but the way that the endorphins coursed though you felt like a high. Greedily, the closeness and the way that your head spun made the word slip out of your mouth.

“More?”

Changbin said nothing while he indulged you and peppered your skin with kisses in all those places that you didn’t know needed the attention. He would smile into your lips each time that you would come undone; slipping deeper and deeper into him.

“M-more. I just want...one...more.”

╚ ——————————————— ╝

“Just skipping one class isn’t the end of the world. You know that you look like a mess right?”

Minho, your assigned seat partner turned friend-in-suffering poked his pencil at the baggy black hoodie that you had forgotten to return. On the bus ride to campus, you had realized that you hadn’t taken it off.

“I know, alright? You don’t have to remind me.”

“You gonna tell me about it?” Minho poked at you once more with his teasing grin. You retaliated by raising your phone up as if to chuck it at his head.

Behind the two of you, a group of two ambitious girls hushed as they organized their plethora of colored pens and highlighters. Minho bowed a little sorry in apology.

His voice dropped to a whisper, “I’m assuming that this isn’t yours.”

“I-it’s new. I just haven’t worn it before.”

He scanned over the fabric and the little white brand on the left sleeve. “Huh. Must be a popular one I guess. I’m pretty sure that my one of my friends has the same one.”

“--Will you lend me something to write on...and with? I...didn’t bring my stuff with me.”

“Really.” Your classmate tore out a piece of his notebook paper--a little extra loudly as well--just for those eavesdropping girls behind you. “You should’ve just not come.”

To your left, your phone vibrated with the screen illuminated:

Low Battery: 20%

[10:39]

felix: I can’t believe you. You went over there again? Didn’t you say that he looked at you weird or something like that?? What happened??

Your heart dropped a little remembering how you had pardoned Felix’s worried nagging and turned on the Find My Friends feature in your phone.

“shit.”

Your phone screen lit up the underside of your table as you frantically tapped through your settings to turn off the slide bar. In the corner of your eye, you had seen Minho take his phone under the table as well.

[10:41]

CB: good job leaving your keys at my place

i can’t get them back to you until much later. i’ve got work.

“shit.”

me: i have work until later too

and sorry

CB: my roommate said that he could get them to you at 5. you’ll be at the library then?

me: your roommate??

CB: relax. he doesn’t give a shit.

╚ ——————————————— ╝

You read over the messages over and over, refreshing the little chat nearly every two seconds. Over the time waiting, your hand had grown embarrassingly damp, and your foot nervously tapped at the floor to the same tune that your chest thumped with your anxiety.

This was fucking humiliating.

Granted, you were no stranger to unsavory behavior, but somehow, this felt even worse. Furthermore, it all could have been avoided:

What the hell had happened last night?

It was becoming all too a common theme for you: you didn’t remember falling asleep, only waking up to the blaring of your alarm to those obnoxious Tardis sounds that were just a little too out of date...considering that you had long past all that Dr. Who stuff.

Changbin had actually left the bed all to you, waking up some time a little before you from sleeping on the couch and offering you some horribly cheap tasting coffee. You still drank it.

CB: just stand somewhere by the front door. i told him that’s where you’ll be.

The library overlooked the main quad of your university. In the wintertime, the trees that encircled the usually grassy circle were reduced to craggy and bare fingers powdered in the white snow.

“What the hell were you thinking?” You scolded yourself though clenched teeth.

“--Y/n?”

He had snuck up on you, coming from the right, rather than the front of the entrance.

You squeaked out, “Oh fuck.”

Minho twisted your jingling keys around his fingers.

“This is...” Minho laughed out incredulously, “...a coincidence.”

You clawed your keys from his hand with a hasty “Thanks.”

His eyes scanned you up and down as if he was meeting you for the first time, which he certainly wasn’t.

“The hoodie. Dammit. I should’ve known.”

“I-I really need to get back inside, they might need me in th--”

“--So you’ve been screwing him?”

Your heart thumped even more painfully.

“Wait, and you’ve been inside my apartment before and I didn’t even know?”

“Well I didn’t know that you were his roommate!! I didn’t even plan on meeting any of you if I could help it!!”

“So what is he, like, your type?”

“HEY. I don’t mean to stay over, it kind of just happens...I didn’t even want to see him after the first time--”

Minho scoffed then shoved his pink hands into the pockets of his navy and white striped bomber jacket.

“Will I be seeing you around there now?”

“--No.” You cut in. “You won’t.”

Your classmate huffed out a visible breath, “You say that now, but I know that you don’t mean it.”

“What the hell do you mean?”

Minho rolled his eyes, then gave the top of your head a chastising pat.

“If you’re gonna be over, you might as well bring snacks or something. No one in that damn apartment knows how to grocery shop for themselves besides me.”

╚ ——————————————— ╝

Too many fucking coincidences.

You had sat yourself at the exact same table that you had sat at the night before, but this time, you watched as it was Changbin who was standing behind the counter of the noodle shop, taking orders, and smiling much too widely for it to have been normal. He was even wearing one of those cutesy little aprons that the rest of the employees had: there was a little chicken embroidered in the corner next to his nametag.

To anyone else, it made no logical sense why you had decided to show up there: but your frazzled brain still working off your embarrassment from earlier thought this was the best thing to do. You felt like yelling just to get something out of your body. It wasn’t even his fault that his roommate happened to be one of your friends. Your head however, made it his fault.

He had clocked you from where you had sat fuming, not even looking phased at all. In fact, he had dished out for you one of those smirks. One of those stupid, cute smirks.

“See you tomorrow.” He clapped his coworker on the back while he took off his apron.

The shop door creaked out when he opened it.

“Didn’t expect to see you here. You really wanted to see me that soon already?”

You shoved the bundle of his hoodie from your hands to his.

“Here.”

“You came all this way just to give me my hoodie back? That and I’m assuming Minho told you that I work here.”

“How come you didn’t tell me that before?”

“Didn’t seem that important--”

At last, you let yourself snap. “--You made a fucking fool of me today!! Do you know how awful it was??”

“Ahhh Minho did say something about knowing you.”

You had expected sympathy, but rather he teased you with that little cocky grin. Had you known any better, it was almost like he was admiring how flustered you had become.

One, two, then three fat raindrops fell from from the sky and onto his parka, then the rest followed all at once. The bits of slushy and freezing rain barreled in suddenly and fell sideways. It slapped against the sidewalks and pattered on the shutters and gutters of the buildings lining the road.

“Great! This is just great!!” You pulled your coat over your head.

Changbin grabbed at your hand without hesitation. “Come with me.”

╚ ——————————————— ╝

“Open the door!! Open the door!!”

Frozen bits of snow and rain matted your hair and dripped off into your collar; meeting your bare skin. Your entire body felt as if it had been plunged into a freezing cold ocean, and you shook with ferocity. By now, your jeans had completely soaked through with with water and the denim stuck to your legs.

Changbin fumbled with his wallet and wet fingers, finally unlocking the door with that same,

ding-ding-diNG!

The heater in the little vestibule blasted you with heat upon your entrance: a welcome feeling to your drenched body. He had reached out for your hand to guide you to the elevator even though you knew the way.

Water dropped off your bodies into the linoleum floor of the elevator and it got all muddled too by prints from your shoes. After, you followed him further into the apartment building, to the very place you had sworn up and down that you would never see again. You didn’t know how many more times you would have to say it out loud before you would actually obey your own words.

“Fuck--it’s so cold.”

Changbin clinked his keys into the brass keyhole in the long and dank hallway that had matted red velvet carpeting. There was an odd and old-looking stain in front of his door that you had noticed last time.

“It’ll be warmer inside.”

“Are you sure about that?”

He didn’t need to, but he reached out to you once more to pull you through the doorframe. A sense of determination seemed to sweep over him, and you could just barely see that stormy expression cloud over his eyes.

“Ah! Y/n! How nice to see you here officially at last!”

Minho perked up from his book where he was cuddled up on one of those pleather couches in the living room.

Changbin didn’t give you a chance to to respond, but rather tugged you away down the hallway to the bathroom at the very end nearest his room.

“Changbin, what are you--”

He slammed the door behind the two of you, then flicked on the lights at the exact same time as he crashed his whole body into you, flattening your back against the door and scooping up both sides of your face to run his cold lips over yours. His hands were just as cold, and the tips of his bangs dripped tiny droplets of water onto your forehead.

In your shock, your hands were suspended in the air, but he just as quickly took them to wrap them around his sides.

The wooden door rattled a little behind your back, but the sounds faded when he deepened his kiss: floating his tongue over your bottom lip and letting out a breathy little gasp along with it.

“Fuck. You’re really good at making me want you.”

His voice had turned grave with his want, and he never broke your gaze while he peeled off every single piece of your soaked clothing. His eyes ravished your bare skin riddled with goosebumps, and he immediately took to kissing into your shoulders and collarbones once he had access. You tried your best to help him take his clothes off too, but instead he pushed your hands away to do the task himself. Once he had finished, he connected his lips with yours.

“Touch me.” He commanded of you.

You found the request odd, but you still obliged him, starting by running your hands down this pecs then to his abs and around his waist where you scratched at the skin of his lower back. He did the same to you: tracing gentle fingers down your breasts, then going to kneed at them, tweaking the buds just slightly. It wasn’t for long until he encapsulated you completely into his arms, then drew a line into your spine with his ring finger.

Your body warmed by the second: skin now set ablaze by his teeth grazing the skin of your neck.

He drew you along with him, then turned on the water to the shower with a metallic sounding groan. Within a couple minutes the whole room filled with a dense steam. He lead you in to the small compartment, stopping too for a moment to watch the way that the water flowed down your body in little transparent veins.

“You’re perfect.” He whispered into the nape of your neck.

The showering of water was too loud for you to hear, and it wasn’t like you were paying attention anyway. Your phone vibrated where it at fallen in your mess of clothes on the tiled floor.

[23:27]

jisung: what the hell’s been up with you the past few days?

phone break or something??

you didn’t see the other texts I sent you?

are you doing anything right now?

...

are you

ok?

#stray kids smut #skz smut #stray kids imagines #changbin smut #seo changbin smut #changbin x y/n #changbin x reader #changbin x female reader #stray kids drabble #stray kids imagine #stray kids oneshots #kpop drabbles #kpop imagines #kpop imagine #kpop smut #when she turns out longer than you expected ooP #hehe its ok its ok its for the plot development hehe

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bridges-you-cross · 7 years

Text

Shi Yi Lu - 1st Story: Wánkù (纨绔; Rich Spoiled Kid) - Qiao Shiqi

Ever since I heard that Xia Da was going to write Shi Yi Lu, I’d planned on doing the summary translation and discussion for it like I did for CGX. That said, I can’t promise I’ll be doing this for all of them, but I’ll certainly try my best.

On another note, does anyone know of a way to download from kuaikanmanhua? The comic strips that Xia Da uploaded on her blog are not the best quality, and I want to keep these beautiful color pages around.

Alright, I’m done talking for now. Here goes.

Shi Yi Lu - 1st Story: Wánkù (纨绔; Rich Spoiled Kid) - Qiao Shiqi

The story begins with an introduction page.

At the end of the Sui dynasty, Emperor Gaozu of Tang Li Yuan rebelled from Taiyuan, naming the era Wude.

Eighth year of Wude, the country began to settle.

The emperor’s eldest son Li Jiancheng was calm and prudent, had long been established as the Crown Prince; second son Prince of Qin Li Shimin was brave and skilled, his prestige in the army was quite high.

The emperor was very close to the Crown Prince, more than half of the political affairs were given to him to handle; the emperor also relied heavily upon Prince of Qin, there were legends of the emperor privately promising Prince of Qin the title of Crown Prince several times before he set off on his military expeditions.

His Majesty’s thoughts were difficult to predict, the court officials’ and aristocrats’ attitudes were also becoming subtle.

In September of the Eighth year of Wude, beneath the clear and cloudless sky of Chang’an City, the undercurrent began to surge and the storm started arriving.

On the next page, we have an unseen person speaking.

Unseen person: You do not have to come every day to take care of me. The current situation has been like this……you should still try to avoid somewhat.

The unseen person was talking to Little Qiao. We now see that the unseen person was Du Ruhui. In response to what Du Ruhui said, Little Qiao pointed out that, since the day he entered under Du Ruhui’s mentorship, his entire family had been regarded as Prince of Qin’s (Li Shimin’s) faction, and that whether he avoids visiting Du Ruhui or not would make no difference.

Little Qiao: If the Crown Prince ascends to the throne, will the current situation be better? His Majesty is still in the peak of health, yet the Crown Prince’s henchmen dares to assault the Prince of Qin residence’s Grand Scholar on the street.

Du Ruhui: ……Even you can think of this, how can Prince of Qin not think of?

Little Qiao: Teacher, just what is the plan of His Highness Prince of Qin?

Du Ruhui: You should not ask me this. How did you see Prince of Qin? Little Qiao: His Highness was as usual, today he even brought the Crown Prince residence’s Princess Yongning out to go hunting. Teacher was injured like this……normally he would have soon visited to comfort.

Du Ruhui: ……Finally determined? These two fingers were not lost in vain.

Then the scene changes, and we see Little Qiao in this place that looks like ancient China’s version of a bar/club.

While sitting here, Little Qiao was deep in thought.

Little Qiao: That’s right……I really am silly. Even though he is usually so protective of his own people that the whole court knows of it, yet regarding such an incident, Prince of Qin……this uncharacteristically calmness, he is determined then? The Crown Prince kept putting on pressure like this in order to anger Prince of Qin, to make it easy to catch his weakness? That Princess Yongning was so favored and pampered……but her second uncle was only using her as a prop to show his weakness.

Then Blue Eyes broke into his chain of thought.

Blue Eyes: Er-lang, Er-lang? You don’t really have long yang zhi hao, do you? You spent all day here with us, but only drink and chat with Hu ji. (TN: More on these three sentences in the discussion below.)

Little Qiao: ……

Blue Eyes: Could it be that you are interested in me? I can actually think about it.

Little Qiao: Scram!

Then he went down outside, sighing that he should worry about himself first (so does this mean you were worried about Princess Yongning then?), and we have this:

From now on, whenever I think of Qiao Shiqi, I shall think of this scene and his expression here.

Little Qiao then ran back up to Blue Eyes, startling him into choking on his drink.

Little Qiao: The……little lang jun who come to see Sese, what did he come here to do? (TN: Lang jun is a semi-formal term used to refer to men back then, and I guess Sese is the name of the lady that was leading Chang-ge to her room.)

Blue Eyes: Who? Ah, that one…… Hair is not even fully grown (TN: He’s saying that Chang’ge was still just a brat), what else can he do? Isn’t he just like you, relying on that pretty face, getting the sisters’ favors. But I heard them secretly talk……this little lang jun has special hobbies, not only learning their words, but also stealing Hu ji’s clothes and learning to dance with them.

Chang-ge, your behaviors made it really easy to misunderstand, you know. “Special hobbies,” he said……

Little Qiao wondered why she came here to learn to dance from Hu ji, especially since isn’t her mother Hu ji also? Blue Eyes said that Little Qiao was asking so detailedly, could it be……

Then Little Qiao freaked out and told Blue Eyes to shut up and to make sure that everyone in this place pretend that they know nothing about “little lang jun.” I guess the Crown Prince’s daughter sneaking out to a bar/club to learn dancing and stuff from Hu ji wasn’t exactly acceptable behaviors.

Blue Eyes finally realized the seriousness of the situation and asked which family’s wánkù (rich spoiled kid, ahh, the title of our story) is this.

Little Qiao: That is the ancestor of the wánkù!

Lol. Here, you can probably guess this, but Little Qiao meant that she was the head honcho. Then the pretty lady we saw in one of the previews showed up looking for Little Qiao. She told him to go home quickly and dragged him out. On the way, Blue Eyes asked her where she is taking them (we now learn that her name is Xiang-po, which means incense, probably not her real name), and she said that she’s taking Little Qiao to the back door. Blue Eyes then asked if Little Qiao had done something to offend her. He said this because back doors were usually not used for guests.

Xiang-po: Does Young Master still remember Captain Wang?

Blue Eyes: Captain Wang?

Xiang-po: It’s the one who relied on the fact that his father is the Crown Prince residence’s Supervisor of the Household that he even dared to assault an assistant minister, that Captain of the Guard. I do not understand these matters of the Han, but I just heard him mentioned Qiao Er-lang, he said…… “The old one cannot be touched, but the young one we still can, right?” “Catch him and give him a good beating, so that these aristocrats can see what siding with the wrong master will result in!

Okay, here, we have the Crown Prince residence, and at the beginning of the story, Little Qiao mentioned Prince of Qin residence. I’m translating this literally, but “residence” actually refers to “administration.” Basically, each of these princes had their own administration, or their own mini-court, with advisors and strategists and scholars and military generals, so on and so on.

The Supervisor of the Household (詹事; Zhān Shì) was a government post unique to the Crown Prince’s administration. I’m not sure what this position did exactly since I didn’t do any research on it. Honestly, it just sounds like a butler to me.

Back to the story, Blue Eyes told Little Qiao to walk quickly and to take his horse, which is tied at the back door, instead. He also told Little Qiao that he did not need to return the horse, since Little Qiao’s horse was still in their stable. Little Qiao thanked him, a sound was heard, and then we saw four hoodlum-looking men blocking the back door. Apparently, the leader of the group just hit Xiang-po, hard enough to bleed, and called her a cheap servant. What an a**hole.

Little Qiao stepped in front of Xiang-po and told ugly-face that they should come directly at him and not cause trouble here. Wang the ugly-face said that, of course, they were going after him. He then told his underlings to go out on the street and create a commotion, the louder the better. He told them to say that Little Qiao and him were fighting over a dancer and that, in the heat of the moment, they were not being careful, and this might even resulted in a fatal incident.

They began to beat up poor Little Qiao. Blue Eyes wanted to come forward to help, but Xiang-po pulled him back to keep him away from the fight. And just when Wang ugly-face was about to deliver the final blow (cuz I don’t think Little Qiao was gonna survive being hit by a thick wooden stick like that), “someone” stopped him.

Wang ugly-face: To not respect Captain Wang is to not respect the Crown Prince.

Chang-ge: Such big words. Since when did the Crown Prince’s face stick onto your face?

Wang ugly-face: Yong…Yong……

Chang-ge: Well?

Wang ugly-face immediately fell to his knees begging for his life.

Wang ugly-face: Lang Jun please forgive! Lang Jun please forgive!! I did not know that you were…… No, no! I did not see Lang Jun……

His underlings were still clueless. One of them asked who this “brat” was, and Wang ugly-face told him to shut up and to go out and tell the guy who was still shouting to shut up. Chang-ge was fed up with all this.

Chang-ge: Scram, all of you.

Wang ugly-face and his underlings quickly disappeared, and Chang-ge turned around to go back inside. Little Qiao called her back.

Little Qiao: I am Qiao Shiqi, I give thanks to Your Honor for saving my life.

Chang-ge: I said all of you, scram, did you not hear me?

Little Qiao paused for a moment before continuing on.

Little Qiao: Your Honor! The heaven’s wind and cloud cannot be fathom (TN: meaning, each day could have unexpected circumstances), human have good and bad fortunes. Your Honor right now is free of any worry, but if one day……if one day Qiao can help Your Honor with something……I will give my all, never back down.

And then we have this beautiful shot of Chang-ge:

Chang-ge: Pfft. Just by you?

Little Qiao was stunned into silence. Then Blue Eyes told Little Qiao that they should go, and we have a third-person voiceover explaining Little Qiao’s thought.

Looking at that insufferably arrogant back, thinking of the elders’ unspoken yet was about to happen matter, the second son of the Qiao family was momentarily annoyed, yet was also momentarily sad.

Under Chang’an City’s bright September sun, the youth’s heart was just like his bloodied sleeves, full of wrinkles and crumpled into a knot, not knowing what to do.

Finally, at the end, we have an epilogue of sort.

A year later, Xuanwu Gate Incident.

Prince of Qin led soldiers into the Xuanwu Gate, killing Crown Prince Jiancheng and Prince of Qi Yuanji. The Emperor was shocked, thus making Prince of Qin the Crown Prince.

Crown Prince Li Jiancheng was given the posthumous title “Yin”, his children were all put to dead. Eldest daughter Princess Yongning fled from the residence, riding her horse and falling down a mountain stream, her body was not recovered.

Qiao Shiqi covered up the report, silent for a long while.

His promise, really was useless after all.

Alright, discussion time.

Let me begin this part by answering a question that many of you probably have upon reading this story, and that is: Did Qiao Shiqi has a crush on Chang-ge? Personally, I believe the answer is no. I’m making this claim based on the fact that Xia Da did say that she does not like love triangles and also on canon facts from this story.

I think we are so used to all the love triangles/rectangles abound in Japanese manga that whenever we see a character noticing/paying attention/helping another character of the opposite sex (or same sex if the genre is shōnen-ai or shōujo-ai), we automatically think that he or she must romantically interested in that character. But that’s not realistic, and Xia Da’s works are usually known follow reality, at least in terms of the characters’ behaviors.

That’s why I don’t think that Qiao Shiqi was interested in Chang-ge romantically. I think he was just being a good person. He knew that she was arrogant and proud and didn’t care about anyone unrelated to her. But she was also a 13-year-old girl who (he thought) was being used by her uncle to deflect suspicions off of him, who was about to be caught in something that she had no part of, and who had just freaking saved his life, unintentionally as it seemed.

What Qiao Shiqi felt for her was most likely a mix of guilt and pity. It was never explicitly mentioned, but that’s the feeling I got from his thoughts. Sure, it wasn’t his fault any of this happened to her, there was nothing he could have done, and her father the Crown Prince was kind of a jerk anyway.

But the fact remained that she lost her family, her life, even her existence. Princess Yongning escaped on a horse and fell down a mountain stream with no body recovered. She lost everything that day, and he knew that she was gonna lose everything, and he did nothing about it. Again, there was nothing he could have done, but I think it’s perfectly understandable for him have mixed feelings about it. It’s like seeing a drowning person, but you don’t know how to swim, and there was no one else around to help, and you just stand there and watch that person drown. It’s a bad example and full of holes, I know, but that’s how it is in general. You know it’s not your fault, but it still affects you.

Looking at that insufferably arrogant back, thinking of the elders’ unspoken yet was about to happen matter, the second son of the Qiao family was momentarily annoyed, yet was also momentarily sad.

Under Chang’an City’s bright September sun, the youth’s heart was just like his bloodied sleeves, full of wrinkles and crumpled into a knot, not knowing what to do.

This part here pretty much said everything.

Which is why I believe that, in future chapters of CGX, Qiao Shiqi will help Chang-ge, if given the chance.

Alright, let’s move on.

There was a part earlier that I said I would discuss further.

Blue Eyes: Er-lang, Er-lang? You don’t really have long yang zhi hao, do you? You spent all day here with us, but only drink and chat with Hu ji.

Here, Blue Eyes is calling Little Qiao Er-lang, which means second lad. Recall how in CGX ch 36 Chang-ge and Sun were pretending to be cousins of the Qin family. She was the lu-niangzi or the sixth miss, and Sun was si-lang or the fourth lad. It’s the same situation here. It basically means that Little Qiao was the second son or second child of the Qiao family. I don’t know if they kept the numbering separate for male and female or if they counted them together. I’ve seen it done both ways in literary works, but I haven’t really done any research on it.

This practice was done because, in ancient China, your given name was considered to be something important and could not be used carelessly. In fact, that’s still how it is today. So people usually refer to each other by their family name and, traditionally, their birth order in the family. So Little Qiao was Qiao Er-lang, Chang-ge was Qin Lu-niang, and Sun was Qin Si-lang. As a matter of fact, if you’re familiar with manga, you might have noticed how the characters mostly address each other by their last names. Only close friends and families use the given name. It’s the same thing here, and it was particularly important for women in ancient China to not give out their given names so easily.

And if you think about it, up until this point, Sun has never once called Chang-ge by her given name. He called her Li Chang-ge, but not Chang-ge. While calling someone by their full name isn’t the most formal or respectful way to address them, it certainly add a bit of distance to the relationship. You usually address classmates who you’re not close to this way. Chang-ge did the same thing, calling Sun Ashina Sun up until the most recent chapter, when she changed to Ah-Sun. Sun told her to call him this way because he could no longer go by Ashina Sun, but note how awkward he looked while telling her that.

Next, long yang zhi hao. Here, Blue Eyes is asking Little Qiao if he’s gay lol. I gotta say, this sentence says something about this time period. If you’re at a bar/club and you don’t do anything beside drinking and chatting with the women who works there, then you’re probably gay. Okayyyy, then.

As for Hu ji, it just means Hu women. Nothing special here.

Overall, I really like this story. We get to see another side of Chang-ge that we did not see before. Sure, we’ve seen how she can be proud, but this level of arrogance? That, we have not seen. Plus, we also get a glimpse of her privileged life in the past. Nobody messed with her. Nobody dared to mess with her. Chang-ge was such a boss back then, and it’s honestly amazing to see how much she had grown from the person she was here to who she was in CGX. Qiao Shiqi said so himself in CGX ch 61.2, and seemed genuinely relieved to see that Chang-ge was alive and well. Ah, it’s nice to be able to make these connections between SYL and CGX.

Well, you might have known this by now, but the 2nd story will be about Situ Langlang. Actually, it will be about Situ Langlang’s master and grandmaster (his master’s master) and is aptly titled “Master”. I guess this means that Situ Langlang is considered an important character by Xia Da. Hmm, I’ll have to reconsider who meet the qualification for having a story written and appearing in SYL. That said, I wonder if we’ll see anyone else from CGX here aside from Situ Langlang. At least we know for sure that Chang-ge and Sun won’t be showing up as they’re not even born yet. Heck, Li Shimin’s probably not even born yet, since he ascended the throne in his twenties and Situ Langlang was said to be well into his thirties……

Well, no matter what, I’m looking forward to it.

#shi yi lu #qiao shiqi #raw #dubious translation #random discussion #manhua #xia da #li chang-ge #li chang ge #li changge #chang ge xing #song of the long march #choukakou

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