#i was like 'sam that is going to take you a calendar year. ill stay and help'

[tealfruit]

it's not actually difficult to get me to work hard, or maybe not hard but generally well at least, all you have to do is be a decent person who does their own job and treat me and others with respect and I will be ride or die for you

[calpalirwin]

B.U.B

Summary: What’s better than your best girl and best mate getting along? Well, nothing really. If you knew the rumors were false, that is. 

A/N: You’ve heard of enemies to lovers. You’ve heard of fake-dating to real dating. Might I introduce a new trope called hostility turned platonic friendship turned back-up boyfriend? Idea courtesy of @here-for-the-uproars​.

Content: Swearing, general tom-foolery

Word Count: Honestly? This got hella long and I’m still not done so it’s a mini-series now.

DISCLAIMER: NOT A poly!Cashton fic!!!!

And away, and away we go!

Part 1

Sam Hudson quirked an eyebrow as she pulled into Ashton’s driveway and spotted Calum’s Range Rover. Did Ashton forget they had made plans again? He was forgetful like that, she had come to learn in their three month relationship. It wasn’t that he did it on purpose. He just had so many things going on that it was hard for him to keep it all straight. She had suggested him getting a calendar, a joke he hadn’t appreciated. 

“It was a joke, Fletch, chill.”

“Well it makes me feel like a bad boyfriend, alright? I’m not doing it on purpose,” he shot back, his normally light hazel eyes darkening.

“You’re not a bad anything,” she assured him, keeping her voice calm and light. “It was a mix up. They happen. I’m not gonna get mad if you hang out with your friends instead of me.”

“Really?” he asked, bewilderment replacing the anger at the ill-timed joke.

“Really,” she nodded. “I mean, don’t make it like a habit or anything. But shit happens. I’m a big girl. I can handle a canceled plan every now and then.”

She got out of her car and walked up the drive to the door, wondering if this was going to be a case of canceled plans. It was only lunch, so it wasn’t like it was a big deal. But, she’d be lying if she said her heart didn’t sink a little when he had to cancel on her. She would have liked to be asked to tag along with Ashton and his friends. They were important to him, and he was important to her, so she wanted to get along with them.

“Oh, here’s the princess, now!” Calum’s angry voice sneered as she walked into the house and found the two men glaring at each other.

She opened her mouth, preparing to fight back against the unwarranted attack. She wasn’t a princess. She encouraged Ashton frequently to drop his plans with her in favor of his friends. The harsh words died in her throat though as she caught a glimpse of the man’s brown eyes. They were hard, yes, but they were also glossy with unshed tears. Calum Hood wasn’t angry. He was hurt. He wouldn’t dare admit it, but Calum was sensitive about getting pushed to the sidelines every time his band mates dated someone new. It wasn’t that he was jealous necessarily. He just hated feeling alone.

Well, if Sam wasn’t going to defend herself, Ashton sure as hell was. “Don’t speak to her like that!” Ashton snapped. “I already apologized, Cal! What more do you want?!”

“For you to stop ditching me for a girl that’s not gonna matter in a few months! I’m your brother, Ashton!” Calum shouted. His lip quivered, but his voice remained steady. He wasn’t going to give Ashton the satisfaction of coming off as weak.

“I’m not ditching you!” Ashton yelled back, his hands pulling at his brown curls in his frustration, ignoring the second dig at his girlfriend’s expense.

“Whoa, how about we all just calm down for a sec,” Sam suggested, the therapist-in-training coming out.

“Shut up, princess!”

“Stay out of this, baby!”

This time, Sam fought back. Nobody told her what to do. “Fuck you! Sit down!” Her sharp tone was enough for both men to snap their heads in her direction. “Now!” she ordered, pointing to the couch.

Both men huffed, but did as they were told, looking like toddlers who just got sent to time-out. “Now, what the fuck is going on?”

“Ash and I had plans,” Calum practically spat at her.

“Okay, is it like an actual thing? Or is it something easily rescheduled?” Sam said, her voice dropping to a calm and light tone.

“Why does that matter?” Calum asked, his tone still harsh but calming down.

“Because Fletch and I were just going to get lunch. We can do that anytime. You can even come with us if you want. But if you guys had like time-sensitive plans, go do that.”

Calum blinked, not sure what to say. He wasn’t sure if he liked the idea of getting lunch with Ashton and the princess. But it was getting hard to hate her when she was willing to give up her own plans so he could have Ashton to himself. “We have tickets for the new Star Wars movie. It’s at 2,” he finally told her.

She glanced at her phone, noting the time. “Do you wanna grab lunch with us then, and then you guys can go see the movie?” she suggested. “If you’re hungry, that is.”

Calum shrugged. “I could eat, I guess. Do you like Star Wars?”

“I love Star Wars.”

“Have you seen the new movie?”

“Not yet.”

“Do you… I mean since I’m kinda crashing your lunch date…” A brown hand passed through his dark hair, too embarrassed to actually apologize, too uncertain of the college grad student one year his senior to properly finish his suggested compromise.

“Fletch?” Sam asked, quirking at eyebrow at the other man who was still pouting like a toddler in time-out.

The large tattooed arms uncrossed themselves and Ashton allowed himself a hopeful look. “Yeah? You guys don’t mind the other crashing in on our plans?”

Calum and Sam shook their heads. Then, Sam was beckoning for them both, “Well, c’mon then. Fletch you’re driving. Cal, you can have shotgun if you want.”

Calum shook his head as he and Ashton stood up, “S’alright, you take it.”

“Thank you, baby,” Ashton whispered, wrapping an arm around her shoulders. “I’m sorry I keep doing this. I’ll make it up to you, okay?”

Sam shook her head. “There’s no need, Fletch. You can pick us both sometimes, you know?”

Ashton chuckled and pulled her tighter, a kiss finding its way into her hair. “We’ll see how this goes first.”

~~~

“Sorry,” Calum said so fast and low when Ashton got up from the table that Sam wasn’t sure she had heard him.

“Come again?” she asked, tilting her head to the side.

“I said I was sorry,” Calum mumbled a little louder. “I just… Ash and I are the closest. We’re the ones who are usually single. So when… I’m sorry.”

Sam smiled and reached to grab his hands in hers. “Cal, I’m never going to take him away from you or his friends.”

His hands pulled out of hers, but his brown eyes didn’t harden. Skeptical, but not hostile. “Why? All his exes did.”

“Because I’m not his exes,” Sam said with a small laugh. “Cal, I’m not the jealous type. I know I’m the outsider in this equation. But, this might go a whole lot more smoothly if we could be friends ourselves?”

“You wanna be friends with me?”

Sam nodded. “I really do.”

“Even though I said some pretty awful shit about you?”

“It’s probably nothing I haven’t heard before,” Sam shrugged. She was willing to move forward if he was.

He nodded his head slowly. “Fuck, I really am sorry.”

“No apologies necessary.”

Ashton smiled to himself, listening to their conversation, staying just out of eyesight. “Hey, you guys almost ready to go?”

“Yeah,” Sam said, “You guys can go ahead and get seats, I’m just waiting on the check.”

“Oh, baby, I was gonna pay,” Ashton told her.

“Yeah, I got mine,” Calum added, digging into his pockets for his wallet.

The check came, but Sam snatched it before the other two could do anything about it. “No way. You guys get snacks. I’ll get lunch.” Then, her card was in the tray and the tray was back in the waitress’ hands.

“You want snacks? Baby, we just ate.”

“You can’t go to the movies and not get snacks, Fletch.”

Calum chuckled. “She’s got a point, mate.”

“Ooo! Selfie!” Sam decided, pulling out her phone. “Here, Cal, get on the other side of me.”

“What?” Calum chuckled again, but moved anyway.

“Documenting a day with my boys,” she explained, holding out her phone and taking a few pictures. “We’ll look later and you can help me decide the best one to post.”

“Is she always like this?” Calum joked to Ashton.

“Pretty much,” Ashton told him with a laugh.

~~~

Calum and Sam became fast friends after that. Any time Ashton got forgetful with plans, rather than canceling, Sam would encourage Calum to join them, taking turns in doing whatever was originally planned, but more often than not doing both plans. It actually went smoother than expected because Calum acted as a buffer to the paparazzi, keeping them from getting too many shots of Ashton’s grabby hands on Sam’s ass. Soon, plans were made that included all three of them as often as possible.

“Whatcha think of this color?” Calum asked Sam one day as they lounged around Ashton’s.

Sam moved from where she was in Ashton’s lap to peer over the other man’s shoulder. “For what?”

“My hair. Getting bored of this,” he said, giving his hair a tug.

She pursed her lips in thought, running her fingers through his dark hair. “Yeah, it would look good. Be cooler in mine though.”

Calum pulled back to look at Sam’s hair. “Yeah? Wanna go with me then?”

“Ooo, can we get our nails done after?”

“It’s a date.”

“Whoa,” Ashton butted in. “You can’t just take my girlfriend out on a date.”

Sam laughed. “Do you wanna come with?”

“How did I end up being the third wheel in my own relationship?”

“Nobody’s a third wheel,” Sam laughed again. “I’m just going out with my friend.”

“Oh, so you’re friends now?” Ashton joked. He knew the two were becoming fast friends, even if they hadn’t hung out yet without him.

“Best friends. Step aside Cashton fans, it’s all about Hoodson now.”

Ashton rolled his eyes playfully, before he was pulling Sam back across the couch to him. “Better remember who’s girlfriend you really are, baby.”

“Wow, I haven’t even gone on the date yet. Hey, Cal, can we make dates more often? I like this side of your friend.”

Calum chuckled. “Luke and I used to get our nails done once a month. That sound good?”

“Oh, so I’m your backup Luke? Wow, I thought what we had was special,” she pouted with fake dramatic flair.

Calum chuckled again. “You in or not?”

“Oh, totally,” Sam agreed, her tone back to normal. “Well maybe less frequent?” Sam suggested as she began really thinking about it. “Shit’s gonna get expensive quick.” Sam didn’t make a lot of money as she was paying her way through grad school. Even a simple monthly expense needed to be budgeted appropriately. A manicure was a full tank of gas or textbook for class.

“Oh, my princess doesn’t pay on our dates.”

“Your princess?” both Ashton and Sam asked with raised eyebrows.

“Too far?” Calum asked with a small uncomfortable laugh.

Sam leaned back across the couch and placed a kiss on Calum’s cheek. “Nah, it’s really sweet, Cal. Just tell me when and I’ll be there.”

~~~

“Hey, Calum!” the paparazzi yelled and Calum instinctively pulled Sam closer to him. “Isn’t Sam Ashton’s girlfriend?”

“Just ignore them,” Calum whispered in Sam’s ear.

“You should say that to yourself,” Sam whispered back, feeling how tense Calum was as he continued them on their path to the car.

“Sam! Sam, where’s Ashton?”

Sam rolled her eyes and hid deeper into Calum. At seven months of dating Ashton, she wasn’t sure she would ever get used to the paparazzi.

“From Hudwin to Hoodson!” the web story read on Ashton’s phone as he heard the door open and Calum and Sam laughing.

“You could be a tad more careful, Cal,” Ashton said, showing the duo his phone.

Sam took the phone, gave it a glance, and frowned. “Wow, people are really stupid, huh? What? A girl can’t go get her nails done with her friend anymore?”

“Maybe I should just go with you guys from now on.”

“Aw,” both Calum and Sam pouted.

“What? I like getting my nails done too.”

“Yeah, but it’s kinda our thing, Fletch.”

“You’ve gone three times, how is it already a thing?”

Sam shrugged. “It just is, Fletch.”

Ashton fake-pouted. He actually really liked that Calum and Sam’s friendship was developing to them feeling comfortable doing things without him. It was a lot easier to balance his friendships and relationship when Sam was becoming friends with his friend group.

“Aw, Fletch,” Sam giggled, walking over to Ashton and wrapping her arms around his neck. “If you wanna come with us, we’re dying our hair blue on Saturday.”

“Blue hair, huh?” Ashton asked, pulling a strand of her hair, picturing how it’d look blue. “That’s kinda hot, baby.”

Calum cleared his throat, “Still here, mate.”

“Cal?” Sam spoke up, while her ocean eyes locked on Ashton’s honey ones. 

“Yeah, princess?”

“Thanks for the date. Run along now.”

Calum scoffed playfully. “I do all the work and he gets all the reward, huh?”

Sam turned real quick and pressed her lips against Calum’s cheek. “I know you’re joking, but yes.”

Calum laughed. “Have fun you guys. See you Saturday for our date, princess.”

“See ya,” Sam answered, already turning back to Ashton. 

Ashton waited for the door to click shut before he was hoisting Sam up in his arms, lips attacking her neck. “Did you have fun with Cal, baby?” he asked between kisses.

“Mhm,” she answered, throwing her head back. “Missed you though.”

He lifted his head up and back just enough to give her a dangerous look. “Damn straight you did.”

“Aw, is someone jealous?” Sam teased.

The dangerous expression softened. “No, baby. I’m glad you and Cal get along and can hang out without me.”

“Promise?” Sam asked, dropping the playful act herself. They both knew the tabloid rumors would only worsen the more she hung out with Calum alone. 

“Promise,” Ashton nodded. “I’m secure enough in my relationship with you for you to have guy friends. I’m not actually jealous.”

“Good,” Sam smiled. “Cuz I really like hanging out with Cal.”

“Good. I like it too.”

~~~

“Yes!” Sam cheered as the door shut behind her, waving two tickets in her hand.

“What?” he asked, patting the spot next to him on the couch for her to join him.

“I scored two tickets to Hamilton!” she squealed, bouncing on her toes. “It’s on Saturday,” she added, when she finished her happy dance and sat down next to him.

His hand rubbed at the back of his neck and she held back a disappointed sigh, her grin dropping into a frown. “Musicals aren’t really my thing, baby…” he started.

“You won’t suffer through it with me anyway? It’s Hamilton! Don’t you love me?” she pleaded.

Ashton chuckled. At nearly a year of dating of course he loved her. They both knew that. “You didn’t let me finish, baby. Cal loves musicals. Ask him to go with you.”

She narrowed her eyes at him skeptically. “This is more than just a trip to get our hair or nails done, Fletch.”

“I know. I wouldn’t suggest it if I wasn’t okay with it.”

“I know you’re fine with it. But the paps are gonna have a field day with this. You know that, yeah?”

He shrugged and his eyes danced playfully. “Go to the play with Cal. Have a good time. Let the paps have their fun. And I’ll remind you of who’s girlfriend you are when you get home.”

She wrinkled her nose as her grin returned to her face. “Wanna remind me now?”

After her reminder, Sam set to work. She carefully crafted a Valentine’s Day esque heart card reminiscent of elementary school days. “Will you be my BUB?” Ashton asked, eyeing the design with humor.

“Back-up boyfriend. Since how you don’t love me enough…”

Ashton chuckled at her playful teasing. “It’s just not my thing, baby.”

“I know. It’s fine. But, I gotta get creative. This isn’t just some pretty hair and nails. This is a night out on the town.”

Ashton chuckled again and left her to her devices.

~~~

Calum rapped his knuckles on Ashton’s front door, swallowing how awkward it felt to be knocking on a door he had never once knocked on. When Ashton opened the door and bent over in laughter, Calum could’ve socked him. “Shut up,” Calum muttered instead, pink undertones flushing in his brown cheeks.

“Aw, Cal, you look so handsome, bub,” Sam smiled at Calum, pushing the door open wider for Calum to squeeze by Ashton who had fat tears rolling down his cheeks.

“These are for you,” Calum said quickly, pushing a bouquet of sunflowers into her hand. “Asshole here said they were your favorite.”

“Thanks bub, that was really sweet of you,” Sam said, placing a kiss on Calum’s cheek while nudging Ashton’s ribs with the tip of her shoe. “Stop being a jerk and put these in water for me. And maybe take some notes, yeah? This is how you dress for a date,” she told Ashton, gesturing at Calum in his fitted black slacks, long white-sleeved button down shirt, his hair cleaned up on the sides to contain the unruly curls that he had left wild on the top.

Ashton stood upright with a scoff, “If I dressed like that it wouldn’t last very long because you wouldn’t be able to keep your hands off of me.”

Sam brought a finger to her lips in thought. It already took a surprising about of willpower to keep her hands off of Ashton as was, and she considered herself to be a woman of strong willpower, not easily fazed. But Ashton was… well… you know. “Get cocky, and I’ll go home with Cal,” she warned.

“You wouldn’t…”

Sam shrugged and looped her arm through Calum’s. “I’m a pretty girl in a pretty dress going out with a stunning man.”

“You look fuckin’ gorgeous, princess,” Calum agreed, happy to get back at Ashton for laughing at him.

“Ooo, he has compliments, too. Better step up your game, Fletch.”

Ashton rolled his eyes before giving Sam a deep kiss that made her weak in the knees. “You’ll have a lot more than that waiting for you after your date,” he whispered in her ear as he pulled away, tongue flicking at her ear for added effect.

Sam shuddered, her nails digging into Calum’s shirt. “Ready, bub?” her voice squeaked out.

“Let’s roll, princess.”

“Have fun! Don’t stay out too late, kiddos!” Ashton laughed, making kissy faces at the pair as they walked back out the door towards Calum’s car.

“Oh, thanks, bub!” Sam smiled when Calum got the door for her, closing it gently after she pulled her dress in.

“That’s the fourth time you called me that,” Calum pointed out once he got in the driver’s seat. “Is that my new nickname, now? Short for ‘back-up boyfriend’?”

“It doesn’t have to be. Like if it’s offensive, I can just call you ‘Cal’. I have a skewed sense of humor. I d-” she was rambling, biting at her lip. Shit, was she offending him? You’d think for someone who worked part-time in a therapist office with the goal to have her own practice one day she’d learn to keep her humor in check when it could come across as offensive.

Calum chuckled, gripping her hand in his. “It’s fine, princess,” he winked, kissing the knuckles on her hand before letting go and gripping the steering wheel. “It’ll be our little joke.”

Sam felt the heat rise in her cheeks. “You’re too sweet, bub. How is it that a girl hasn’t snatched you up yet? You dress up. You bring flowers. You get the door. Perfect gentleman.”

Calum shrugged. “Just picky, I guess.”

Sam gave a small shake of her head, letting out an equally small chuckle. “Seriously, like you do this for me and we’re just friends. Can’t imagine the lengths you’d go for a girl you’re actually dating.”

“Be ‘bout the same, honestly. Every girl deserves to be treated like a princess.”

Sam smiled, knowing that was all Joy and Mali’s influence over the man. And maybe a little bit of Ashton because she knew the other man shared the same mentality. “Well, I’m more than happy to play princess to your prince until we find you a queen.”

“And I’ll be your bub whenever,” he promised her back.

~~~

Much like Sam had predicted, the tabloids had a field day with her “date” with Calum, but the three that were actually affected didn’t care in the slightest. Ashton was happy his best mate and best girl got along. Calum was happy he wasn’t being pushed aside. Sam was happy she had someone to do things with when Ashton couldn’t/didn’t want to.

Although that wasn’t to say Calum and Sam’s blossoming platonic relationship didn’t come without its competition. The two men constantly tried to one-up each other, no matter what is was. Sunflowers were always on Ashton’s kitchen table, each bouquet bigger than the last. Bath bombs and candles were also spilling out of the bathroom cabinets because Sam loved a good relaxing bath after a hard week.

“No, you can’t use that one,” Calum said one evening, peering over Ashton’s shoulder as Ashton dug through the bath bombs.

“But it’s cool looking,” Ashton said, admiring the heart shaped bath bomb. It reminded him of Sam.

“No, Sam has her test on emotions and brain waves next week, so that’s for when she passes,” Calum said sternly. “Here,” he said, placing a bath bomb that looked like Earth in Ashton’s hand. “You can use this one. Sam picked it out for you herself.”

“Aw,” Ashton smiled, cradling it to his chest.

“It’s so you can watch the world melt away, Fletch,” Sam called from where she was lounged out in the bed. “Thought it was symbolic. Bub, tell Fletch not to use the glitter ones. I swear I’m still finding that shit everywhere.”

Calum laughed. Sam absolutely despised glitter. “Remind me which ones they are, and I’ll throw them out. I swear they didn’t say they had glitter when I bought them.”

“They don’t say, that’s why you have to look at them carefully, bub. Now, hurry up, I want my cuddles.”

“He’s coming, baby,” Ashton laughed, clapping Calum on the shoulder.

“And Fletch, take your time. I mean, I want your cuddles, too. But enjoy your bath and alone time.”

Ashton chuckled. He loved how receptive she was to his needs and how she didn’t mind when he needed alone time to himself. “You know I enjoy my alone time better when you’re here with me, baby,” he told her. Because even if he liked being alone, he liked knowing she was close by even more. 

“I know. That’s why I’ll be right here with bub when you’re ready. We’ll get the bed nice and toasty for ya.”

“You’re the best baby. I love you.”

“I love you, too. Now get in that bath and give me back my bubs.”

Of course Ashton frequently came out as the winner of the competition as he could “appreciate” Sam in ways Calum wouldn’t, but Ashton also won permanently when at a year and a half of dating, he asked Sam to move in with him. While the playful competition wasn’t what Sam expected, she’d be lying if she said she didn’t like that both men were so attentive to her. It was the best of both worlds: a best friendship with her boyfriend’s best friend. It wasn’t often these days that Sam was seen without one of them. What Sam never saw coming though was the competition between Calum and Luke, and by default Luke and Mike. 

“You picked Cal over me to be your bub?!” Luke pouted in outrage one night after the group of friends had all laughed their way through yet another tabloid spinning Hoodson out of proportion. “I’m a great boyfriend! Right, Si?”

Sam laughed from where she was sitting on the floor with Mike, D&D books, character sheets, and dice spread out between them as they prepped for the group’s weekly game night. “It’s not like that, Luke. Cal and I just click.”

“Okay, but like hierarchy. Ash doesn’t want to take you to whatever. Cal’s busy. Who do you call? Me or Mike?”

“Um…” Sam faltered.

“What?!” Luke’s arms flew upwards as he got up on his feet.

“It depends,” Sam laughed again. “Like obviously Ash is always gonna be my first pick. Then, Cal only because we’ve done so much together at this point. You and Mikey are tied for third.”

“What if it’s nerd related?” Mike joked.

“Oh, I’d pick you, hands down.”

“What?!” Luke repeated, hands in his blonde curls.

Sam shrugged. “We just don’t have a thing, Luke. Like if I ever get the urge to buy some sparkly boots, I’ll give you a call, yeah?”

“Name a thing,” Luke said quickly. “Anything. Name it and it’s yours.”

Sam was too caught up in trying not to laugh at Luke’s competitive nature that she blurted the first thing that came to her mind. “Piggy!”

“My dog?! You want my dog?!”

Sam nodded.

“Deal!”

“What?!” everybody else screeched as the blue-eyed duo shook hands. “No, nuh-uh,” Ashton put in. “Baby, no. Give Luke his dog back. Why’d you even say that? Why’d you say yes?!”

“I panicked!” Sam laughed.

“I want to be included! Look at her over there with Mike.”

Sam laughed harder. “Luke, I got tickets to Mean Girls for next week through school. You wanna come with me?”

“Whoa, you’re not even gonna ask me first?” both Ashton and Calum asked her.

“Yeah, like you’re gonna go see a play with her,” Calum scoffed. “I was the one who took her to Little Shop of Horrors last month, remember? You would've liked that one, too.”

“I took her twice!” Ashton defended.

“SAM!” both men whirled to look at her.

Sam gave both men a sheepish look. “What? I really like that one.”

Both men rolled their eyes. Then, Calum told Luke, “She likes sunflowers and licorice. And no, she won’t share the licorice either. Damn near broke my hand when I tried to take a piece that I fuckin’ paid for!”

Sam laughed, “I wasn’t gonna break your hand. And you know I don’t share my snacks.”

“It’s true,” Ashton nodded. Then, “What’s with the licorice addiction, anyway? You used to always get popcorn. But now every time we go to the movies you grab licorice, and then eat the entire box before the movie even starts.”

“Musical theaters don’t sell popcorn,” Calum explained. “And yeah she’ll eat half before the show and devour the rest during intermission.”

“It’s cuz-”

“You can’t eat when the show’s actually on because it’s distracting. Yeah, we know,” both men interrupted.

“Aw, my boys know me so well,” Sam smiled the brown-haired set of men.

“And you gotta dress up,” they continued, prepping Luke to take Sam to the play.

Sierra laughed, nudging Sam, “Just taking all our men, huh?”

“Oh, I’ll take you and Crys, too,” Sam laughed with her, laying back across the living room floor, stretching her arms wide. “I will take all the pampering! Fight for me, hoes!”

Later that night, Ashton seemed to hold Sam extra close to him. “You okay?” she asked, rolling in his arms so she could study his face.

“Yeah, baby,” he murmured, tilting his head forward to kiss her forehead.

“You sure? You seem… and it’s not a bad thing! You just seem more affectionate tonight.”

“What? I can’t love my girlfriend?”

She tugged gently at his hair. “I didn’t say that. I just want to check in with you. Like I know Cal and I have become really close. And I know I’m starting to get close with Luke and Mike now to-“

“Baby, stop,” Ashton interrupted. “You do this every time and I don’t know why. I love that your making your own friendships with my guys. No girl I’ve ever dated has tried to be their friend as hard as you have. Like yeah, they’ve gotten along, did the pleasant niceties and what have you. But they never treated them as their own friends like you have.”

“Fletch, the guys are important to you. And you’re important to me. Which means they’re important to me. But, please, if I ever go too far, set those boundaries. I mean, I’m not gonna go sleeping with your friends or anything crazy like that. But they’re your friends first and foremost. I’m just your girlfriend.”

Ashton chuckled. “Baby, I’m never gonna be threatened by a relationship you have with my friends. Or anybody for that matter. You’ve never give me shit for my friendships with other girls. I’m not gonna give you shit for your friendships with other dudes. I know you love me.”

“Then why are you extra affectionate tonight?” she pressed, her heart soaring at his words, but not totally convinced that he was convinced this was fine. 

“Because maybe seeing you interact with them makes me a little jealous. But, baby it’s playful, I promise. If anything it’s just a reminder of how grateful I am that at the end of the day I’m the one you come home to.”

“You’re the only one I want to come home to,” she said, nuzzling her face in his neck.

Ashton’s chest rumbled with his laughter. “You’d think for a therapist you’d be a little quicker on grasping the concept of what a healthy relationship looks like.”

“I’m not a therapist yet,” she mumbled, placing kisses on his neck and working her way up his jaw.

“You will be,” he said, catching her lips with his. “You’re the smartest woman I know, and I am damn lucky you call me your boyfriend.”

“It helps that you’re pretty,” she giggled.

[aggressivelyclueless]

hey @kiinotasha this one’s for you

human!Danny/runaway/pitch-pearl

a handful of regret, a little solace, and a pinch of fluff

i know it’s super late but thanks so much for being patient! the end bit took me like six tries to get it to stick how i wanted

i will also be posting this on ao3 at some point fyi

Winter had officially rolled in that morning.  Amity Park had all but shut down with the snow - after-school activities had been canceled; the highways had turned to skating rinks in the mid-morning sleet; even retailers had begun to close their doors for the afternoon to wait out the worst of the storm.  Before five o'clock, when the sun would have set, the streets were vacant.  Everyone, it seemed, had holed up at home.

Everyone except Danny.  Nevermind the snow - he couldn't stand to spend another minute at the house.  His mother's accusing voice still cut through his mind: you'll never listen to reason, will you?  Look at the facts, Jack!  It's simply not possible!  None of it had been directed at Danny, but he resented both of his parents nonetheless.  December, to him, was the season of hey-Tuck-can-I-stay-the-weekend and please-Sam-I'll-do-anything-to-be-out-of-the-house and if-I-have-to-keep-putting-up-with-this-I'll-die.  When he wasn't home, at least he could hear himself think!

It wasn't fair.  He hated how easily any conversation could slide into animosity, he hated the gnawing misery that crept up steadily from November onwards (and that was if he was lucky - one year the radio stations had all conspired to deliver tell-tale sleigh bells as early as October the twenty-first), and he hated how no one listened whenever he said he disliked the holidays.  It was always oh, but you've got to celebrate something, don't you? or how can you be so sour at such a lovely time of year? or the affronted but surely everyone loves Christmas! as if he'd stricken the event from the calendar simply by wishing it ill.

If only.

So, despite the snow and despite the cold, he'd made his way out to the Nasty Burger in the hope it would still have been open, and in the hope that Sam and Tucker might still be there.  It wasn't; they weren't; and after a moment of overwhelming frustration and despair he'd turned tail and run.  In that moment, he didn't care where he ended up, or how far away it was - all that mattered was that he left his stupid house and his stupid parents and their stupid fight behind.  Forget the snow, the fire in his belly grumbled, forget the cold.  Just run.

By the time he'd run out of breath, he'd made it as far as the bus station out of town.  He had a few bucks on him, but only one line was still running due to the snow.  He didn't care; he took it, ignoring the rough night out there, isn't it? from the driver as he boarded, and collapsed into one of the seats in the back.  He wondered how far he'd really have to go before he could escape the last echoes of his mother's voice.  Even then, as the bus trundled sluggishly through the snow, he could still hear her.

It's not possible, Jack!  Such a feat defies science!  Jack, you can't be that foolish!

How many years of it did they expect him to take?

By the time the bus dropped him off, he was numb.  The doors creaked open, he shuffled out, and the cold bit him anew.  It was dark out now - how far had he gone, he wondered.  The streets certainly looked the same.  Had he ended up a town over?  Three towns?  Ten?  Distance meant nothing; the bus doors closed behind him, and it lumbered off.

He was on his own.

The snow appeared to have let up, although it hadn't quit entirely.  It fell not with icy malice but was fat-flaked and lazy, and the scene before him was silent save for a street-plow that rumbled from the parking lot down the road.

Isn't this what you wanted? to hear yourself think?

His mind began to tick again, and the lonesomeness finally struck him.  He really was on his own, without Sam or Tucker or even Jazz at his side, and the silence of the town seemed to press in on him.  Go on, something in him whispered, you wanted to be alone, didn't you?  How long do you think before they'll even notice you're gone?  Two or three days, maybe?  Or maybe they'll only think twice on the twenty-sixth, after they've wrapped up?

He couldn't bear to think that.  Tears stung in the corners of his eyes, refusing to be dismissed by his palm or the back of his sleeve, and the tightness of pent-up anger gave way in an instant to a cold hard lump of dread.  He really was alone.

Now what?

He turned to the road again.  The bus had dropped him off near the edge of town, it seemed - how far had he really gotten from Amity Park?  Where had he ended up?  He didn't remember which line he'd taken, just that it had been the only one available to him, and he cursed himself out for it.  How stupid are you?  Out of all the days you could have picked to run off, you decided that the best time to do that was in the middle of the snow?  Great going, idiot!

He held his mobile in one hand.  It didn't like the cold; it had been at 66% earlier that afternoon, but had steadily dripped down to 27% within the span of an hour or two, and it skipped to 16% even as he stared down at it.  You know no one's going to be able to come get you, right? said the sharp voice of guilt.  You think even the Fenton RV could handle the roads like this? and that's assuming Mom and Dad quit arguing long enough to even answer if you call home. . .

He had to call anyway.  He knew that much, even as his vision blurred around the edges and tears froze in the corners of his eyes.  He slipped behind a line of shrubs to escape the wind, hit Home, and tried to collect himself as he waited for anyone to pick up.

Come on, please, I'm so sorry. . .

"Hello - ?"

"Mom?  I'm so sorry please don't be mad I need you to - Mom?"

The mobile had died in his hand, but for a desperate moment he failed to process.  "Mom. . .?"

Something in him cracked, and he stared down at the device.  The screen was dark, and failed to respond to his touch, but it felt as if he'd been purposefully abandoned.  Look what you've done.  This is your fault.  What are you gonna do now?

He didn't have an answer for that one.  Don't stay out too late, kiddo, you'll freeze out there!  He remembered his father saying that once, when he'd said he and Tucker were going to go out.  That had been last year, in January after the fights were over and there was enough snow to go sledding.  He remembered, too, that he'd had a second jacket then.

Would he really freeze?

He shoved the mobile back into his pocket.  It hadn't been quite so cold earlier - how long had he already been out?  There had been daylight for a while.  An hour, maybe?  That sounded about right.  It always got dark early in December.  Still, he'd have to find someplace to hole up.  Maybe this town's Nasty Burger, or MacMeaty's - they'd still be open, probably, and they might even have a phone he could borrow.

That, and then he'd find out how far he'd gotten himself from home.

With a basic objective in mind, he set off again.  So long as he was moving, the cold didn't seem so bad.  The storm had relented, at least, and it didn't look to have snowed as badly as it had in Amity Park - but, out of familiar territory, he was lost.  With only one direction to go, he kept along the side of the road in the hopes it would lead him into town.

The road led him through a stretch of trees, all heavy with snow and ice and bowing downwards, and he knew the rest of the town couldn't be too far ahead.  The hazy yellow of the streetlights was cast into the sky somewhere to his left, and as soon as he spotted the path off the main road he took it.  He hardly registered anything else until the pavement gave way to uneven dirt under the snow, and he paused; not city streets but a cemetery sprawled out before him, but he only hesitated for a second before treading onwards, ignoring his own superstitions.  Graveyard, went his mind blankly in an effort to get the word to stick to something.  It didn't.

The breeze shifted suddenly, and Danny stopped.  It wasn't that the snow was going to pick up again - it appeared to have quit for the moment - but something was so awfully and so suddenly wrong that, for one perplexing instant, he was pulled out of coherent thought altogether.

Graveyard finally stuck.

Danny turned about himself.  The only tracks in the snow were his, and without the snowfall everything around him was perfectly still.  Why, then, could he so clearly feel the eyes upon him?  Where were they coming from?  Without meaning to, he cast his gaze downwards - have you stepped on someone? - but could discern nothing from the blanket of white beneath him.  It was bad luck, he'd been told once, to tread on a body at rest.  Had he just done that?  He stepped back as if he had, although he couldn't really tell for sure.  "Sorry," he mumbled, as if it was adequate, and felt stupid.  Look at you by yourself in the dark, apologizing to someone who's already dead, who you probably didn't even step on anyhow.  What, like they're going to care?

Ghosts, according to Danny, weren't real.  That was a fact in his mind.  Both of his parents had been ghosthunters for their entire careers, as far as he was aware, and neither one of them had actually seen one.  If the anomalies did exist, surely one would have been caught by now?

What manifested before him, however, looked very much like how he imagined a ghost to look.  It appeared, suddenly but without a sound, on one of the headstones still visible under the snow.  Its body was cast predominantly in shadow except for two bright green eyes which were most definitely affixed on him.  It was vaguely human-shaped, although Danny had to squint a little to see it; it was peering out at him from behind the stone, or at least that's what he thought it looked like it was doing, and when he stared it flinched back.

Ghost, went Danny's mind, and the sentiment stuck the first time.  It couldn't have been real, and yet it was exactly like every explanation his parents had ever given him about one.  Great.  What does it want?  Do you really have to deal with this too now?

The spirit - if that was what it really was - stared back in equal silence.  Danny hadn't fled; emboldened somewhat, it crept upwards to peer over the top of the tombstone rather than from around the side.  Its body remained mostly in shadow, and only when it moved were the white wisps of its fingers and hair visible against the backdrop of snow.  It grasped the corner of the stone, as if looking over a tall countertop, and was still again.  After a moment of deliberation, it finally spoke: (Lost?)

Danny hesitated.  What could he reasonably expect to tell it - that he'd come out here by himself to get away from his parents and that he couldn't get back home?  Nevermind, for the moment, that this was a genuine ghost.  "What?"

(You didn't run) said the ghost, almost optimistically, eyes still on Danny.  (How come?)

Danny stiffened.  "Hey, wait a sec, what's it to you, anyway?  Are you even real?"

The shadow slumped, and the eyes fell.  (Yeah)

A small part of Danny was surprised at how quickly he'd accepted than answer - then again, he'd been told since infancy that the anomalies were real, and had only really rejected it out of spite for his parents - but that led to the pricklier questions.  If ghosts were real then they were also dangerous (he'd been told that, too, countless times) and he was acutely aware that he was on his own.  "What do you want?  Don't you have anyplace to go terrorize, or is this it?"

The spirit met his gaze again.  (Terrorize?  Why would I - ?)

"Because that's what ghosts do," said Danny, "Probably.  Look, no offense, or maybe some offense, but I didn't come here for you to show up and bug me."

(Then why did you come here?)

"Hey, that's none of your business," Danny snapped, refusing to acknowledge exactly how ridiculous it was that he was in a graveyard at night having an argument with a real ghost, "Go away."

The apparition's eyes flashed.  (Why don't you go away?  This is my spot.  I was here first)

"Fine.  Whatever."  Danny jammed his hands an extra inch into his pockets, shoving the encroaching chill away and turning to stomp across to the other side of the graveyard.  Stupid ghost.

The ghost, on the other hand, seemed to change its mind.  (Wait, I didn't mean it - please come back)

Despite himself - you wanna freeze out here? - Danny turned.

The shadowy spirit wafted up from its place by the headstone and floated closer.  In the air, Danny could make out the suggestion of its limbs, and the white fog of its hands and feet, but even when it faced him he couldn't distinguish any features aside from its eyes.  (Please stay)

Danny wanted to run.  Everything his parents had told him about ghosts was marching through his mind - they're dangerous, kiddo! you don't wanna face off against one by yourself! - and it had finally dawned on him what might happen if he didn't get into town.  Despite that, he found he couldn't run.  The spirit sounded desperate.  Probably because it'll tear you apart as soon as it gets your guard down, snapped the relentless voice of his mother, but he shoved it away.  What if it really was desperate?  What if it needed his help?

What if it wanted to rip him to shreds instead?

The spirit's eyes dimmed, as if perhaps it was thinking about something, and when it asked its voice was slow and careful.  (You're not okay, are you?)

Danny frowned.  "How do you know that?"

(You didn't run) said the ghost, (everyone runs)

"Yeah, maybe both my parents are ghosthunters," said Danny, as if that might ward it off if it decided at any point to attack him, "Maybe you'd better leave me alone."

(You think I'm going to haunt you)

"I'm supposed to think you're not?  I don't know you - didn't know you - ugh, you know what I meant.  You're dead.  I'm not.  Ghosts haunt people.  That's kinda their thing.  Why would you not come after me?  Why are we even having this conversation?  I told you to leave me alone."

The ghost went silent for a moment.  It slunk downwards onto the snow, huddling a little tighter against itself as if wrapping its arms around its knees.  (I guess I thought maybe since you didn't run you wouldn't be scared of me.  I just wanted someone to talk to)

"Don't you have - oh I don't know - ghost buddies or something for that?"

(They moved)

"Moved?"

(On)

Danny bit his tongue.  The loneliness struck him again, just as mercilessly as it had before, but this time it wasn't his own.  All of a sudden he felt foolish - is he really the only one that's lonely? - and he let all his breath out in a prolonged puff.  "You're the only one left here, aren't you?"

The spirit nodded; despite that it only barely held a coherent form, the motion was clear.

"You're lonely."

(Aren't you?)

Danny recoiled as if struck.  Of course you are.  Lonely, lost, and real stupid.  You did this to yourself, remember?  He turned, dashing a palm under his eye as if the ghost wouldn't have seen it.  "Maybe."

(Maybe?)

"Yeah," Danny snapped, although there was little anger he could muster.  "You heard me.  Look at you, asking all these questions - who even are you, anyhow?"

(Just a phantom) said the phantom, glancing back at the headstone from which it had appeared, (name's long gone)

"Just a phantom," Danny echoed, making the spike in his chest twist.  You still wanna just leave him there by himself?  He couldn't do that.  He knew he couldn't.  Nevermind the cold - he wasn't going to abandon anybody that had no one left, even if it was someone who was already dead.  "That's - that's really it, huh?"

(What about you?) the phantom asked, (you're still kicking.  You've got a name, don't you?)

"It's Danny."

(Oh, I like that one) said the phantom brightly, sliding upwards a little, (you promise you'll stay?)

"Yeah.  I mean - maybe.  I probably shouldn't be telling you this, but - I'm kind of in huge trouble.  With everything.  Ugh, I'm so stupid - "

(Tell me about it) the phantom ventured, (I mean, if you want to)

Danny sat with a soft crunch in the snow.  Once it started to come out, he found, it suddenly became much easier.  "I guess I did it to myself.  Maybe I thought I wanted to be on my own, I mean I can't just keep listening to them argue like that, so I left, I thought it'd be easier, maybe it doesn't matter, but now I can't get back and it's so cold and it's my own fault I'm so stupid - "

(I don't think you're stupid)

"Look at me.  I'm sitting here, in a graveyard, in the dark, talking to a ghost about my problems, which are my own fault to begin with," said Danny, one sob coming out instead as a sardonic laugh.  "Sounds pretty stupid to me."

The phantom hesitated.  After a moment it slid over to sit next to him, and its eyes brightened.  (I don't think it counts unless you can't fix it)

"What are you talking about?"

(You're still breathing, aren't you?)

Danny felt like he'd struck a nerve somehow.  "I didn't mean it like that - "

The phantom's eyes turned upwards.  The snow had started up again; even in the past few minutes it had dusted Danny's hoodie with white, and if given another few minutes it might pick back up to the storm that had rendered Amity Park helpless.  The phantom stared for a moment, and the snow paused.  (Ice core) was the only explanation it offered, and its eyes turned upwards in what Danny could only assume to be a smile.

"You did that," said Danny, who was a second slower to process, "How'd you - ?  I didn't know you could do that - "

The phantom nodded slowly.  (Usually, it's only for a few seconds at a time.  Closer it is to the solstice, though, sometimes I get a little leeway.  Longer nights or something like that.  I wasn't gonna question it)

"Huh."

The phantom rose abruptly, turning back and offering one wispy hand to Danny.  (Can I show you something?)

Danny took the hand and flinched.  The sensation was like ice, not physically tangible but piercingly cold, and he was pulled up to his feet as well.  "Where are we going?"

The phantom kept Danny's hand.  It floated higher, pulling him off the ground with it; he yelped, wide eyes darting back up to the shadow in the air, and his grip tightened.  (Don't let go, okay?)

Danny wouldn't dare.  "What are you doing - ?"

The phantom was smiling again, but wouldn't answer him.  They both ascended over the ice-white treetops, and all of a sudden the town opened up below them through a yellow-white haze.  (You said you were lost) said the phantom, (didn't you?  Lost and lonely, same as me.  I wanted to help)

Danny was silent.  His mind had all but ground to a halt - the first time he'd ever seen a ghost, and the ghost had just plucked him up off the ground with no effort whatsoever.  I wanted to help, it said.  Weren't spirits like that supposed to do the opposite?

The phantom turned back to the town beyond the cemetery.  (There's houses over on that side) it said helpfully, pointing with its free hand, (you think one of them's yours?)

"Well, I - " Danny forced his mind back into processing again, once he was very certain he wouldn't fall.  He kept the phantom's hand tightly in his own, knowing that was the only thing keeping him up, and finally cast a glance across rooftops and streets below.  "No," he said, "They're not.  Look, I. . ."

(Oh jeez this is too much, isn't it?  I'm sorry)

"No it's not that - I mean, don't get me wrong, this wasn't exactly what I was expecting to be doing tonight, it's kinda out-there, but - "

(I'm so sorry I swear I just wanted to help)

"Hey wait - no don't go down yet - you really can see pretty far from up here, can't you," Danny scanned the streets below, hoping to spot someplace that was still open.  The cold was really starting to get to him, especially up in the open air - he couldn't quit shivering, and his fingers and nose had gone all but numb.  Even his lips had begun to resist movement, and he had to be careful to articulate when he spoke.  "I came in from that way," he spotted the road the bus had taken when he'd been dropped off, and gestured vaguely downwards.  "Don't suppose you know how far Amity Park is from here?"

(You're cold)

"Well, yeah," said Danny, "But I gotta get home - "

The phantom's eyes widened, and it shook its head.  (Not like that!  Oh, man, you're still kicking, you have to stay warm, I forgot I'm so sorry) the phantom descended, taking Danny down too, and they both landed at the side of the cemetery.

Danny shoved both hands back into his pockets, although they wouldn't warm up entirely on their own.  At least the wind's not so bad down here, and you know where the town is.  You'll have better luck than you will out here, anyhow.

The phantom was unblinking.  (That was my fault.  I should have remembered.  You have to be careful - when you're alive, I mean.  Stuff can happen, I wasn't even thinking about it - )

"Hey, don't freak out.  I'll be fine.  So it's snowing a little.  Big deal."

(Yeah but I don't wanna see you freeze out here, not on account of me, anyhow, you know - )

"Wait," said Danny, and asked before he could stop himself, "Wait is that - that's how you - well, you know - isn't it?"

The phantom didn't answer.  Its eyes slid pointedly away form Danny's, opting instead to stare through the snow-laden trees.  The distant rumble of a street-plow came and went, and the snowfall slowly started up again.

Now you've gone and done it.  Should have kept your mouth shut, idiot.  "I'm sorry."  He let his breath out all at once.  "I guess I shouldn't have asked you that.  Please don’t be mad."

(You're really far from home, aren't you?)

Danny hesitated, but then nodded.  "Yeah.  I am.  I really screwed up this time.  Look, no offense, I get that you wanted to help me out and all, but - I don't think this is something you can just fix, you know?"

(You're having troubles at home) said the phantom, (I think.  That was what you said earlier, wasn't it?  That’s why you came all the way here)

Danny nodded again.  "Yeah.  My parents have this stupid fight every year, and I said I wasn't gonna let it get to me this time but it did anyway.  So of course like some kind of moron I thought maybe getting away from it all would have been just fine - "

(Well, you're the first moron I've talked to in a long time) said the phantom helpfully, (you can't be that bad)

Danny sighed.  "Thanks.  I guess."

(Besides, you don't have to be out here all by yourself either.  I think we both kind of win, right?)

Danny frowned.  "Not sure that's how it works?  If I didn't run away then none of this - "

(Then you'd still be having a bad time, right?  But just at home.  And if you hadn't come out here then I'd still be having a bad time too.  Like I said.  We both kind of win)

"Well.  I mean," Danny gave up.  "Sure.  Yeah."

(And you'd be sad if I left now, wouldn't you?)

"Yeah."

(Then I'm not going anywhere) said the phantom, and its eyes turned up again.  (Consider yourself haunted)

Despite himself, and despite everything that had happened, everything he'd done, and that he was a mess standing at the edge of a graveyard in the snow with a ghost as his only companion a town or more away from home - despite it all, Danny laughed.  Something in him released all at once; perhaps the coil of stress wound one tick too tight and snapped, or perhaps it was the realization that he wasn't on his own, not really, not so long as the phantom hung around, even if it couldn't help him on a tangible level.  Haunted.  It was so succinctly absurd, and so, so good to let everything else fall away.  Before he fully realized he'd meant to, he'd reached over and taken the phantom's hand again.  "Thanks.  I guess I really needed that."

The phantom just smiled back.  (You're really stuck with me now.  How're you gonna get home otherwise?  By yourself?)

Danny was somber again in an instant.  "I don't know.  Buses back to Amity don't start up again 'til morning.  Phone's dead.  Can't even ask anyone to come and pick me up."

(Well) the phantom turned back to the town beyond the trees.  (Hm.  Oh, hey, I wonder if some the gas stations are twenty-four hours?  I think there's at least one.  Maybe they'd have a phone you could borrow?)

"You think so?"

(Yeah.  Come on.  You thought flying was cool?  Check this out) and without waiting for an answer it flew ahead, pulling him through snow and frozen trees and shrubs as if they didn't really exist.  For the moment, they may as well not have existed, and the next thing Danny knew they'd come out in the back parking lot of what appeared to be a Denny's.

Danny turned back to the phantom.  "What'd you do?"

(Shared) said the phantom, (thought it'd be faster than going around.  Don't you think?)

"Yeah, but - " Danny paused, and then tried again: "I don't know, just - warn me next time?  Phasing through solid objects isn't really as straightforward, you know?"

The phantom gave Danny what he assumed to be a half-hearted shrug.  (Okay, but I think the place is a few blocks over from here)

Danny trotted ahead, following the sidewalk around the corner of the building and having a look across the front lot and down the road.  "All I'm seeing is streetlights.  I’m guessing you know this town better than me."  He shot a look back to the phantom, expecting it to take the lead.

The phantom hesitated, but only for a moment.  (The living don't really - you know, you don't see the dead wandering around most times, do you?)

"Wait, what're you getting at?  You think I'm just gonna ditch you from here on out?"

(I'm just saying don't act all surprised) said the phantom.  It was as if it was taking a deep breath; he materialized fully, finally allowing himself a face, and appeared in a simple jacket and black jeans.  His eyes still carried their ethereal glint, but apart from that he appeared human - he shook his head briefly, sending his white hair flying, and then gave Danny a grin.  "I get leeway, remember?"

"You're a showoff," said Danny, who had not known the phantom could manifest so clearly - so that's what his face looks like - and was not about to let him get off easy about it.

"What, I gotta go around looking like an oil slick all the time?  Give a guy some credit, will you?  Besides, you know what'd happen if people saw a shadow like me on the loose?  They might call your parents.  That's what."

Danny's gaze fell.  "Right."

"C'mon," the phantom took Danny's hand as he passed, and led the way into the streets.  Danny noticed, after a moment, that he was the only one leaving footprints behind - he also appeared to be the only one exuding clouds with every breath.  That's because he's not breathing, stupid, he chided himself, duh.  Still, something just seemed right about the phantom, and it wasn't only because it was the only other option to being on his own again.

For the life of him, though, he couldn't place the feeling.

The two of them stood in the parking lot outside the gas station.  Sure enough, the lights inside were still on, and the sidewalk looked to have been shoveled fairly recently.  That was probably for the best; the snow had gotten going in earnest, and Danny speculated it had probably caught up to them from Amity Park where the worst of it had been earlier.  He trotted ahead, pausing with one hand on the door to turn back to the phantom.  "You coming?"

"Yeah," said the phantom, "Just in time, too.  You don't look so good.  Told you you'd freeze."

Danny ignored that last comment, and ignored the numbness from his feet and the tips of his fingers, and pulled the door open.  The single clerk behind the register looked bored, but it wasn't until Danny asked to borrow the phone that either he or the phantom were acknowledged at all.  He took it, giving the clerk one of those awkward-thanks smiles, and took a deep breath.

You know you're gonna have to fess up, and you know it's probably Mom who's gonna answer.

Let her, if it means I can go home.

It only rang once; sure enough, it was his mother.

"Mom," said Danny, daring himself to keep his composure.  Despite his best efforts, his voice splintered and he was crying.  "Mom - look, I'm okay, I just - "

"I promise I'm fine"

"I know"

"Can you and Dad come get me"

"Please"

"No, I'm with a friend"

"Yeah"

"Okay"

"Hi, Dad"

"Yeah"

"Yeah, I'm okay"

"No"

"Okay"

"Love you too."

     - - - -

"Phantom?"

The two of them sat on the curb, watching the snow and waiting for the Fenton RV to pull up.  Danny's mother had said forty-five minutes; his father had promised fifteen.

"Yeah?"

Danny hesitated, knowing he probably wasn't going to get an answer he liked.  "Don't suppose you'd wanna come back with me, would you?"

The phantom snorted.  "You kidding?  Your parents are ghosthunters, man.  You said so.  No offense, or maybe some offense, but like.  Yikes."

"Yeah," said Danny quietly, "Thought so."

The phantom was silent for a moment, but then shifted to lean back on his hands.  "You were right, though.  Earlier."

"What?"

"When you asked how I died."

Danny turned to him, opened his mouth to protest - you shouldn't have to tell me if you don't want to - but the phantom put up a hand to keep him silent.

"It went pretty much how you think it did.  Lemme tell you, dying really sucks.  I don't know if it's like that for everybody, maybe I just got unlucky, but - I just didn't want you to end up like me, you know?"

"Hey - are you okay?"

The phantom turned skyward, doing his best to blink away the tears that dared to creep up into the corners of his eyes, but after a fruitless minute he swiped at them with the back of his wrist anyhow.  "Look at this, you got me feeling stuff, I can't believe it.  I'm almost as much of a wreck as you now."

"Hey," Danny protested halfheartedly, but knew there was little he could say in his own defense.  He really had done it to himself; everything that had happened the whole evening had been more or less directly his own fault. That said, he was glad that the phantom had stuck with him.  He wondered what might have happened if he'd been alone all night - no, he had a fairly good idea of what might have happened, and he didn't really want to find out for sure.  Dying really sucks.

The phantom had recomposed himself, and stood as an excuse to stretch out.  "Hey, s'that them?"

Danny followed the phantom's gaze - sure enough, a double pair of headlights had turned onto the road, visible even through the haze of snow.  He rose to his feet, turning back to the phantom and giving him a final smile.  "Thanks," he said, "for sticking with me.  I guess I owe you one."

The phantom had his arms around Danny in an instant.  The motion was on impulse; it took them both a second to realize what had happened, and a second after that for the phantom to feel Danny's arms around him in return.

 "Don't forget about me, I mean it."

"I won't."

The headlights swerved into the lot, and the phantom faded into thin air.  Danny was alone only for a moment before both of his parents burst out and immediately began to fuss.  He let them; he knew he'd catch heat, but not until they got home, and he had until then to sort everything out.

I wanna see you again, he'd meant to say, but had been cut short, and now it was probably too late.  He wondered, if he came back into town sometime, if the phantom would still be there.  You think he's got anything better to do? said something in him, but that part was at war with the part that insisted why would he sit and wait around? just for you? aren't you a bit selfish to think that?

Was he, really?

     - - - -

The phantom watched Danny go.  Ghosthunters had sit ill with him since the living boy had mentioned them, and he knew he didn’t want to get involved.  Who could blame him, really?  He'd seen the kid off, and made sure he was alright.  Now he could get back to. . .

. . . what, exactly?

Not much.  That was what it amounted to.  The phantom had, for most of the evening so far, been able to fend off the crushing loneliness of death. ��He was lucky - very lucky, considering that Danny hadn't fled at the sight of him, and luckier still that they'd gotten along.  He should have counted it as a decent night.  All had ended well.

The empty pit in his stomach, however, begged to differ.

Even if it had just been for one fleeting instant, just then, before he'd vanished into thin air so the hunters wouldn't have seen him, he'd felt alive again.  Maybe it was the solid warmth of a living body, or maybe it was the assurance that, in that moment, he wasn't on his own.

Now Danny was gone, fading with the taillights of the RV as it turned a corner and disappeared altogether.

That pained him.

It pained him - now you're back to the usual, and isn't it horrible? - and it was too much.  He burst into silent tears, alone and unseen in the parking lot of the only gas station in town that was still open.  He'd never see Danny again.

Why didn't you go too?

He wished, beyond anything, that he could have gone, but he knew the hunters would have caught him if he'd dared show his face.  He'd seen them coming, and he'd vanished before they'd gotten so much of a glimpse of him.  Look at you.  You let him slip through your fingers, and you know exactly why.

There were plenty of reasons why.  Ghosthunters was only the first; I've never been out of town; finding him again would be such a long shot; everything I have is here; besides, maybe he'll come and say hi sometime; I don't even know how far it'll be.

Some small voice in his core grew sharp.  You’re making excuses.  You're just afraid to go.  What's keeping you here?

That made the phantom pause.  His grave had never been the most appealing place to hang out, but it was the only thing with his name on it (in theory, anyhow - a gang of vandals had seen to that once a few years back).  What did he have left, when push came to shove?

Why didn't you go?  You're just a scared kid, that's why.  You thought you had it together, didn't you?  Now you've missed your chance, and you get to go back to being alone.  You did it to yourself.

You're a lot like him.

He'd turned down the only living being that had spoken to him in over a decade.  How stupid was he?  He wanted, more than anything, to take it back.

Quit making excuses.

He swiped the last of his tears away, and cast a glance skyward.  Amity Park, Danny had mentioned.  That must have been where he lived.  The phantom had never been there before.  In life, he hadn't traveled much.

Old habits die hard, I guess.

He ascended over the ice-covered trees and drifted for a moment in the air.  From the height, he could see the town below, and he could see the cemetery where his grave and his dusty old carcass lay.  Who needs that old thing, anyway, he thought, eyes tracing the smooth road carved out in white between the trees.  I came in from that way, Danny said.  It wasn't much to go on.

Wonder if I could fly all the way from here?  Never done it.  Might make it.  Might not.

You never know.

This time of year - might get a little extra leeway.

[cecilspeaks]

155 - The Heist, part 3

Leave no stone unturned. Leave no rock unpivoted. Leave no pebble untwirled. Welcome to Night Vale.

My brother-in-law, Steve Carlsberg, is still in jail, wrongly accused of the recent bank heist. But I am happy to have my husband Carlos back home. The Sheriff’s Secret Police had only taken him in for some questions regarding the robbery of the Last Bank of Night Vale. Sheriff Sam had deemed Carlos a person of interest, which I’ve been saying for years, but Sheriff Sam meant it differently.

Carlos said while he was being questioned at the police station, he saw the other bank employees who were there the day of the robbery. Genevieve Daly, the new bank teller, was being asked if she saw anyone other than Steve Carlsberg near the vault that day. Carlos said she was stone faced, unhappy with the interrogation. Susan Willman was there, crying, as the police asked her who else, other than Steve Carlsberg, could have a key. And security guard Jesse McNeil was there looking quite ill, almost seasick, according to Carlos, as the police tried to badger him into implicating Steve Carlsberg.

Carlos has been home for a couple of weeks and in a terrible funk. He said Steve has a nearly impossible case. The police are convinced of Steve’s guilt and all their evidence points directly to him. Carlos hardly has any energy or emotion to work, or even leave the house. I feel awful for Steve too, and we are doing our best to support him and our family.

I tried cheering Carlos up by telling him my favorite science jokes, like two chemists walk into a bar and one tells the bartender, “I’ll have an H2O” and the other says “I’ll have an H20 too,” and the bartender says and sighs.. [fed up] “It’s been a long day guys,” and then the two chemists nod and say, [embarrassed] “Yeah oh god yeah sorry, just a couple of waters thanks.” And then later they make sure to tip very well. But Carlos didn’t even crack as mile, let alone laugh, and I asked him how his doorless fridge experiment was going and he’s welcome to work on it here, in his home laboratory. I don’t even mind if he keeps staining everything green with that weird gel he’s been using. “I ran out of gel, Cecil,” he said, prone on the couch not opening his eyes. “I couldn’t work on that, even if I wanted to. which I don’t.” Hm. I wanna curl up on the couch too, stay home from work. But I know that would be terrible for Carlos. There are many times I’ve felt flat or depressed, and Carlos has been there for me, keeping me company, taking in my sadness and reflecting back not a false smile but attentive eyes, a listening posture that makes me feel heard and understood, and that’s what I want to be for him. Besides, I think Steve can beat these charges. Steve may have been the only one with a key to the vault, but they cannot prove he opened the vault, as he was locked inside his own office during the robbery. And besides, Steve keeps very detailed accounting so they wouldn’t be able to find the stolen money, not even if he had taken it. Steve Carlsberg is… [moved] the nicest man in Night Vale. He’s a good boss, breaking his foot to get free to try to protect his employees. He’s a fine father. A loving husband. And a perfect brother-in-law. It’s just not... it’s not possible. You know, if someone on the inside did this, it was probably Susan. Susan Willman is the least trustworthy person in that bank, if not in this whole town. So if you’re going to…

[loud scary noises] Station Management just slit a memo under my door gently, reminding me about libel laws. The memo is written in fire on a sleep tablet, and there’s a snake curled around it so, uhh.. I’m going to leave my Susan WIllman theory alone. But. Let’s just say that there was an untrustworthy person in that bank, and that her name was Su..anne Wilt..son. Yes, Sue-Anne Wilson, yes and this hypothetical jerk was always complaining at PTA meetings about her own personal problems, rather than focusing on the agenda, let’s just say. And this Sue-Anne Wilson once accused Steve Carlsberg of censoring her, when Steve was just trying to finish the meeting in a timely manner so that the basketball team could se the gym for evening practice. This person might well hold a grudge against Steve Carlsberg and want to not only steal from him, but frame him for the crime. 

Or, what if the Sheriff’s Secret Police… [loud scary noises] was doing a really great job, so great that they didn’t have a lot of arrests to make because the town was so safe. And of course, [chuckling nervously] they would never need to frame someone for robbery! So they would look like they were solving one of the major crimes in recent memory. Or maybe it was space slugs. Some distant aliens from across the galaxy somehow found our solar system and spotted our Earth, and then randomly chose Night Vale, and for whatever reason, they really wanted our money, so they went down inside the bank vault while the building was on fire, and without the safe key they entered the locked room because these space slugs can crawl through walls, and then they stole all the money. I don’t know! I feel helpless.[loud scary noises fade out]

Reading the news and getting angrier and angrier, but you know there’s little I can do about terrible things that keep happening. I’m sure you can’t relate. Maybe a community calendar will cheer me up.

This Saturday, the Desert Flower Bowling Alley and Arcade Fun Complex opens its annual Haunted Halloween Hayride. There was complications this year, because Ghost Union Local 31 went on strike for an increase in pensions and maternity leave. Teddy Williams, owner of the Desert Flower, argued that ghosts cannot retire nor get pregnant, but the union countered with vaguely human faces muttering in the shadows while Teddy screamed, and eventually, a deal was truck.

Sunday morning is the pie eating contest at the Night Vale fair. Contestants will be competing for a top prize of a 1991 Buick Le Sabre, autographed by former US presidential hopeful and Illinois governor, Adelai Stevenson.

Tuesday afternoon is a tedious song. Wednesday night is the high school dance team’s statewide semifinals at the rec center. Our own Night Vale High School is competing that night. Their top rival is Red Mesa High School, who will be performing a jazz routine called Tommy Tunes Broadway: an upbeat medley of classic show tunes. Night Vale’s dance team will present (--) [0:09:21] postmodern masterpiece (-): contemplative blend of sculpture opera and dance defined by its explosive physical bursts, chanting, and (contra-) movements born of a 22-member ensemble, who express the human body as a multidimensional art installation. Good luck to all dancers!

And finally, Thursday is sick, so Friday will be covering Thursday’s shift. Eh, except for the part about the haunted hay ride. That did not cheer me up.

I’m getting word that the Secret Police have made a breakthrough in their bank heist investigation. Or maybe they found the real thief and can let Steve Carlsberg go? [clears throat] Sheriff Sam said the lab reports came back, the fingerprints were inconclusive as their top suspect Steve Carlsberg worked at the bank, so his fingerprints were everywhere. But the lab reports did detail a strange goo police found on the vault walls. This goo, a light green gel, was also found on the walls of the cells that the other robbers had escaped from two weeks ago. So maybe my theory about space slugs is correct. No wait. The lab reports showed that this unusual chemical can render certain metals intangible, allowing people to reach through walls without breaking them. [stutters] Police believe whoever used this greenish goo used it to rob the bank’s vault and to free the prisoners inside the abandoned mineshaft outside of town. The Sheriff then said they discovered this exact same chemical on Steve Carlsberg’s property. They discovered it inside the shed behind the house, and that this is the final piece of evidence that links Steve Carlsberg to the robbery of the Last Bank of Night Vale. They believe that, oh no… Um, that Steve did not act alone, that he had an accomplice, a scientific mastermind who created this chemical for him. Who generated a complex concoction that enabled them to walk through walls stealing whatever they wanted. They have a warrant out now for Carlos’ arrest. I’ve gotta call Carlos. I- Oh, it looks like he left a voicemail.  

[beep] Carlos: Hey sweetie, it’s um me. So listen, I have um, I so-so I’ve just been arrested. No biggie, no biggie, I’m fine. This is actually good news, because I wanted to talk to the Sheriff anyway about all this, so that-that’s great. And um, I do have some new thoughts about what happened at the bank, and they’re really interesting, so they’re driving me downtown to meet with uh ooh, ouch, those cuffs are a bit tight there, officer… officer (Q. Fortier). Ah, that is a beautiful name. I-i-is that Franchian? If you don’t mind, Officer Fortier, I’m going to just finish my voicemail to my husband. So Cecil. When I get downtown, I’ll explain everything to them, Steve and I clearly did not do this and that’s what I’ll tell them, they’re police! [chuckles] You know, they just wanna know the truth, and uh ooh uh, oh Officer Fortier, I am not done with my call yet. Uh sir, what-what are you doing with my pho- [beep]

Cecil: I… I… Let’s go to the weather.

[Good Luck with That” by Fathom All the Animals https://fathomalltheanimals.com]

Cecil: Listeners, we now go live to Steve Carlsberg’s press conference at City Hall.

Steve: This has been a difficult month for me, and for my family. I thank you all for hearing me out today. I’m glad to know that these criminal charges are behind me, and I think Sheriff Sam and their secret police, as well as their Overt Police, for listening to reason and overturning the charges against me. [sadly] But of course, I’m sad to learn about their most recent arrest. Breaks my heart to know that such a dear friend of so many years, someone who’s been in home many, many times, someone I consider family, could betray me, my bank, my town in this way. I don’t even know how to talk about such a breach of trust by someone so close. [crying] Carlos! Oh Carlos. Thank you Carlos, for your brilliant and thorough evidence that put Jesse McNeil in jail today. Our security guard of nearly 50 years committed a heinous crime, and he nearly sent the two of us to prison for it.

When Carlos arrived in my cell this morning, he was all smile saying he had figured it out. He called the Sheriff over and said, “Check Jesse’s skin for the same chemical they found on the doors.” Carlos had been experimenting on the gel that allowed him to reach his hands into refrigerators without opening the door, and thus lowering the temperature of the food inside. He’d developed this chemical. He’d developed this chemical in his temporary lab in a shed behind our house. The problem with the chemical wasn’t its effectiveness and intangibility. He had been able to make that work. No, the problem with the chemical is that it stained everything it touched a dull green, including skin. Carlos showed me his own hands, which were green from the fingertips to about halfway up his forearms. He said the last few times he had seen Jesse, Jesse looked ill. Not like a flu or cold, more like seasick: queasy, green in the face. Carlos didn’t put it together right away, because we all felt sick about not only the robbery, but the false charges against me.

The police report also showed that none of the cash tills on the teller wall were affected by the fire that broke out during the robbery last month. Which means the fire had to have started on the opposite wall, which is by the front door, Jesse’s usual station. The smoke from the fire and the three robbers waving guns provided a distraction for Jesse to cover himself with Carlos’ intangibility gel, sneak downstairs past my office, where he had locked me in earlier than day, and then unload the cash from the safe and carry it into the alleyway behind the bank where his car was parked. When the fire trucks arrived, Jesse ran deliberately in front of their hoses so that the gel would all be removed from his body before the police began questioning those of us who had been inside during the robbery. But, as Carlos pointed out, the gel stains the skin for a long time, water alone won’t remove it.

Sheriff Sam brought Jesse back in for questioning based on Carlos’ statements, and found Jesse’s skin was the same dull green as Carlos’ hands. But unlike Carlos, the green stain covered Jesse’s whole body, not only his hands, indicating he had used it to walk through walls, rather than merely reach to a door.

Carlos explained that he had Jesse in his lab many times, Jesse and all my employees come to my house regularly for dinners. Like I said, they’re family to me. Jesse had taken an interest in Carlos’ science projects, so Carlos showed Jesse his doorless fridge experiment. Not long after that, Carlos noticed that the rest of his intangibility gel was gone. He thought he had just run out, even though he had made plenty of it. Never occurred to Carlos, until he saw Jesse’s green face a few days ago, that Jesse had stolen it to remove the money from the vault and his criminal colleagues from their jail cell. While I was the only person with the key to the vault, Jesse as a security guard was the only person with master keys for the rest of the building. My office door is never locked, so I don’t carry a key for it. Jesse knew this and locked me into my own office. Then his three collaborators Richard, William, and Emma created a fake robbery of the cash tills to distract from his heist of the vault. Sheriff Sam was impressed with Carlos’ explanation and arrested Jesse McNeil on the spot. Jesse turned to Carlos and Sam and said: [very deep voice] “I guess I’m going to jail now.” Sam said: [Sheriff Sam voice] “Don’t flatter yourself!”

Anyway, I finally get to return home, thanks to my brother-in-law Carlos. Thank you Susan Willman for managing the bank in my absence. Abby, Janice, I’ll be home in a few. Can’t wait to see you both again. Oh, oh, maybe I’ll bake some scones tonight! Carlos showed me a way to do it without letting the butter too warm. Oh-oh yeah!

Cecil: I’m so relieved and so glad they put the right person behind bars. And I have never been so excited to try one of Steve’s scones. That really is neat.

Stay tuned next for someone playing on a saw. No, ahem, (-) that, with a saw. It’s just someone playing around with a saw. Enjoy.

Good night, Night Vale, Good night.

Today’s proverb: Wisdom ages like fine wine. Knowledge ages like Boston lettuce.

[purplesurveys]

592

Let's start off with some basics. Cool, I haven’t started off a survey with basics in a while. What's your name? Robyn, but y’all who have stuck around for a while know that already. How old are you? 21. What's your hair and eye color? Hair’s black, eye color’s dark brown/black-ish. How tall are you? I’m pretty certain I’m 5′1. What's your relationship status? In one. Alright, enough of that. Let's move on to the random shit.

What's your favorite song? Uhhh at the moment it’s Sam Smith’s cover of Donna Summer’s I Feel Love. They did their own twist to it and it sounds incredible. It would probably take a bit to get used to in 2019, but once you warm up to the sound, the cover is just brilliant. What does that song mean? What is the message behind it? It’s a disco song, the lyrics just repeat for three straight minutes and is not supposed to be any deeper than ‘I feel love.’ Is it your favorite because you relate to it, or do you just like the beat? I love the beat, the sound, and what Sam offered to the song. Have any pets? If so, what are they and what's their names? Yes, I have a cute Santa Claus-outfit-wearing dog at the moment :)) His name is Kimi. Have you ever met your idol? I have never met Kristen Stewart, AJ Lee, Hayley Williams, nor Beyoncé. And I’d most likely pass even if there was a chance to meet any of them; I’m too afraid that I’d mess up in front of them. If so, were they nice or were they kind of an ass? What's your favorite method of gaming? (PC, Xbox, Playstation, etc) I don’t play a lot myself but I do enjoy watching games on Nintendo or Playstation consoles. If you're in college, what's your major and why did you pick it? I’m in journalism. I picked it because I thought it’s what I wanted to pursue back in high school. I was good at writing and loved telling stories, the obvious path was towards journ so I don’t hate myself or regret picking such a major. But through the years I’ve learned to hate it more and more though – my interests lie within public relations and advertising now, a complete 180 from the world of journalism. How're you doing today? A little too early to be asking that, it’s 7:43 in the morning. I do feel quite nice because classes ended up being suspended today due to the incoming typhoon, but otherwise it’s just mostly meh for now. What color are your bedroom walls? They’re white. Describe your favorite shirt. Right now my favorite shirt is a halter tank top I got for ₱50 at a small tiangge booth in Feliz, hahaha. I just wish I could wear it everyday without anyone judging because I look cute in it. Use this space to tell someone off. I don’t think anyone I know deserves that at the moment. What's your view on smart watches? Cool or a waste of money? Waste of money, but it doesn’t stop me from wanting one lmao. What is one poster that you have hanging on your bedroom wall of? I still have that damn poster of Nam Joo Hyuk up near my bed lol. I haven’t seen a k-drama since 2017, but I’m just too lazy to take it down. How many times have you moved in your life? That I can remember? Two. I think we moved a couple times more when I was an infant. If you moved, do you like where you are now better than where you were? It’s definitely more peaceful, quiet, and much much cleaner in our house; but there are days where I still miss having my cousins and grandma under the same roof. What's your favorite color and why? Pastel pink. It’s pleasant to the eyes and looks good on most stuff. My wallet,  purse, main school notebook, one of my highlighters, my phone case, clipboard, backpack, and shoulder bag are all that color hahahaha Do you have a calendar? If so, what's the theme? I have one on my phone; I don’t really need a physical one. No theme because I don’t think my phone allows me to customize my calendar anyway. Have any famous person's autographs? I have AJ’s from a signed poster that I bought like 5-6 years ago from WWEShop. Was never actually sure if she actually signed it but it’s always easier to believe that. Do you draw well? That’s the worst thing I can do, or try to do at that. What type of cell phone do you have? I have an iPhone 8. Should you be doing anything else right now or are you just bored? I am actually supposed to be working on final requirements, but they’re all for my newspaper layout class and I cannot be ASSED to open Adobe InDesign and work on some dumb layout stuff right now. If you're in school/college, what's your favorite subject and why? This semester my favorite class is Kasaysayan 117, or Social History of the Philippines (‘Kasaysayan’ means history in Filipino). Social history veers away from the typical elite/heroes/war/colonization/what have you narratives that history books typically go with, and focuses instead on the developments of, say, gender, education, illnesses, and religion in the country. It basically focuses on the everyday life of the ordinary citizen, which I find more interesting and relatable than war stories. I certainly wish I can take this class more than once. Are you a cat or a dog person? Why? Dog person. They’re friendly and sweet and silly and will always stay by your side, which I love. I have never been able to connect with cats and finally at one point, trying just tired me out completely lmao HISS at me then, sis Tell me about the plot of your favorite book. Not my favorite, but definitely a memorable one – Scarlett O’Hara is in love with some dude named Leslie who’s married to his first cousin. Scarlett ends up gunning after him for a good chunk of time, even as she marries Rich Guy Rhett Butler and has a kid with him. Eventually [spoiler] kid dies and Rhett realizes Scarlett never cared for her just as Scarlett realizes she loves Rhett. Not a good ending for Scarlett. Bunch of people die. Oh and all of this takes place during the Civil War. Do you wear glasses or contacts? Glasses. I flinch at the idea of putting anything anywhere near my eye, so contacts are a no-no for me. What do you think about horror movies? It’s a hit or miss most of the time. Great genre with some even greater hits, though. If you love them (I do), what's your favorite? Misery or The Shining. Cliché picks, but I personally enjoyed both so why not. Got any cool Christmas presents picked out for family or friends yet? I dunno about ‘cool’ but I got Gabie a Hydro Flask water bottle and I’m SO excited for her to get it because she’s always been envious of mine and she’s always talking about wanting one because water tastes so crisp and fresh from those bottles. It’s kind of a bittersweet story for me though – I lost my own Hydro Flask a day after I got hers. HAHAHAHAHAHAHA Do you do Black Friday shopping or wait for Cyber Monday? I do neither of those things because I’m from the Philippines and we have no idea what those holidays(?) mean. Have any mental illnesses? I’m sure I do, I just have never gotten myself checked. What's your favorite word and why? I’m not really obsessed with any right now. What is the most expensive thing you own, and what is it? It’s either my laptop or my phone...I’m not sure how much they were; my parents paid for both. Although I’m guessing the phone cost more because it was the newest in the iPhone line at the time of their purchase. Did you buy that item yourself? Hahahaha, nope. Super grateful to my parents for getting it for me despite knowing I have the tendency to crack and break all the phones I own. This current one is staying strong, though! Where do you work and what is your postion? I don’t have a job yet but I’m part of two organizations in college, if that counts. I’m the vice president for external affairs in my journalism org and associate editor in our graduating batch’s yearbook club. How often do you cuss? Probably once every few hours? Definitely way less than when I was an angsty, feisty, annoying little teenager lmao. What type of car do you drive, if any? I have a Mitsubishi Mirage hatchback. Are you happy with it? If no, what's your dream car? I’m happy with it; it’s small, convenient, and easy to drive. My dream car is something just as small but a little more fancy, so I’m wishing for a Mini haha. Do you have a lot of social media accounts? Which ones? Nah I just have three main ones – Twitter, Facebook, and this Tumblr. I’ve made accounts on other apps like Snapchat and Instagram, but I stopped using the former and I never use the latter. What is your favorite genre of music? I don’t have one. Does your family have holiday traditions? If so, what are they? It’s not a unique tradition but we go to my grand-aunt’s house and we do Monito-Monita, which is essentially a Filipino Secret Santa. We fix ourselves in a circle and when you’re It, you have to dance/walk/prance around with your gift while everyone sings the monito-monita song (which I’m too lazy to expound on, lol). When the song ends, you have to hand your ‘baby’ their gift. If you're in a relationship, are you happy with it? Yes. How long have you been with your significant other? Three years, but that’ll change to four by February. Do you like psychology? (It's my college major). I love it. It’s one of my the-one-that-got-away courses, along with history. I wanted to have a glimpse of psych by taking a psychology elective once, but I got a bad prof and never got in the mood to take another elective again, so that’s a shame. What is something your state is popularly known for? We don’t have states, we just have provinces and cities. Antipolo is known for their delicacies such as kasoy, suman, and latik. Do you like to do craft projects? If so, what's the coolest thing you made? Kind of? I don’t like anything I have to sculpt or mold myself; but lately I’ve been into paint-by-number kits and I asked Gab to get me a couple of them as a Christmas gift. It’ll help with my seasonal depression, so I’m excited to be preoccupied during the holiday break. Do you watch sports or do you think they're overrated? I don’t think they’re overrated. I just don’t find most of them interesting to watch. What's one occupation you think gets paid too much and doesn't deserve to? TROLLS Do you straighten your hair? No. Ever dyed your hair a color that isn't natural? (blue, pink, etc) I haven’t dyed it at all. How's your relationship with your parents? We have a best friends-type of relationship in that we banter and not opposed to insulting each other and cursing in front of one another, but I don’t let them know me any deeper than surface-level. The angst and trauma I developed due to my mom being horrid to me when I was younger permanently kept me from ever desiring a soft, emotional, intimate bond with her. And as for my dad, well he’s worked overseas all my life and I only get to see him once or twice a year, so it’s easy to understand why I have not developed a super super SUPER close bond with him as well. Do you still live with them or do you have your own house? I live with them but I’d love to have my own place soon. What's something you are currently saving money for to buy? More Christmas gifts for loved ones. I’ve only bought gifts for my girlfriend so far. Do you smoke/vape? If so, what brand do you smoke/what device do you use? I vape, but don’t smoke. Gab gave me her vape pen which is from a brand named Smok, because she soon learned after vaping a few times that she’s asthmatic. :( I do get disposable vape pens from Vedfun which I honestly prefer more, though. Ever done drugs? Other than painkillers, no. Tell me one of your worst habits. Letting myself go hungry because I’m a little obsessed with the thought of saving money. What's a weird quirk you have that no one else you know does? I have to lock my car doors three times in a row before I feel entirely secure. If you game, what type of headset do you use? What type of computer do you own, and do you like it? I have a Macbook Air, and I love it. What's the thing that annoys you the most? Metro Manila traffic. What brand of TV do you have? All of our TVs are Samsung, I think. Are you excited for Christmas? (It's December 1st today when I made this) I can take it or leave it. Tell me about your favorite vacation you've taken. Sagada x Baguio last 2014. I was hurting a lot that time because of recent shitty events that all happened to me, but the climate, the nature, and the peace and quiet allowed me to recharge and let everything out. It helped that there was a movie that had just come out then called That Thing Called Tadhana (Fate) wherein the lead girl was going through the same stuff I did, then she took a bus trip to Sagada, stood on top of a cliff, and yelled and cried her heart out. I set out to do the same (I didn’t scream though, just cry haha) and it was a good release. I’ll never forget that trip because I had never been more in touch with myself and allowed myself to be that raw until that week.

Tell me something cool about yourself. [continued all the way from 7 AM because I just got lazy for the rest of the morning. It’s now 4:41 PM.] Anyone outside of pro wrestling will probably not find this cool but I’ve been acknowledged by all three of my all-time favorite female figures in the industry (retweeted by AJ Lee, followed by Natalya, greeted happy birthday by Stephanie McMahon). All three are memories I’ll cherish forever. Did/do you get good grades in school/college? Not so much in grade school, because I was admittedly irresponsible and my elders didn’t pay much attention to my study habits, either. I got better in high school, but I still made sure not to tire myself out because I knew the grades I’d get then literally wouldn’t matter in college. Now that I’m in college and for once the grades DO matter, I’m working 15 times as hard and getting good grades throughout. What's your ringtone on your phone? They’re all ringtones provided by Apple. What's your favorite store to shop in? For clothes, independent stores would do. They can sell a tank top for ₱50 (1 USD) that I would otherwise find in H&M for like, ₱299 (6 USD) lmao. If you won the lottery, what is the first thing you would buy and why? I’d pay off my parents’ various purchases like our house and cars so that the guilt doesn’t eat me up when I treat myself. How long have you had a Bzoink account? I don’t have a Bzoink account, but I’ve been using it to find surveys since 2008. My survey habit started veeeeery early, y’all.

Ever been to Field of Screams? If so, what's your favorite attraction? I have not. I’m not even sure I know what that is. Do you own a Polaroid camera? I don’t. Do you have hardwood floor in your room or carpet? Hardwood. It's a Saturday night, what are you typically doing? Taking surveys or catching up with work. Do you have a lot of friends or do you not have any at all? I have a lot, fortunately. College taught me to open up my circle. What's your all time favorite movie and why? Two for the Road. It just clicks with me. Audrey and Albert very both very passionate in their roles and their tandem worked amazingly to bring the story to life.

How many blankets do you sleep with at night? Just one. What's the last TV show you watched? Did you enjoy it? Queer Eye; I made Gab watch the Jones Bar-B-Q episode which is usually cited as one of the best of the series. I loved watching it the second time. Do you prefer cable TV or do you use Netflix? I use Netflix; I haven’t tuned in to cable TV for a good 4-5 years maybe. What is your dream job and why? Working somewhere in WWE. That company’s been a part of my life for...welp, my whole life. A part of me just feels as though I HAVE to end up there. Do you think you would be a good therapist? I know I’m a good listener and that I can read body language and signals quite well, but I don’t think I’d want people to dump their burdens and rants on me. What's your favorite brand of clothing? H&M. Did you like this survey? Sure!

[dustandthunder]

ive had a lovely few days.

almost everyone is back in the flat now which is cool, feels like forever since I’ve seen them.

Gina and I went to the gym and then I had an assignment to do so Scott came to my room to do it. We FaceTimed Jaz which was awesome cause I haven’t seen her in ages and ages. And then Gina and Shannon came in too while we were doing the work (I use ‘we’ very loosely, i didn’t understand anything so Scott did mine for me). The three of them sat on my bed and I sat in the desk chair and Jaz was in the phone and it was so cool. Scott only got 50 % on my test but I don’t really care. I did ok in the other assignments for that module so hopefully it won’t make too much difference. Pretty sure I’ll pass regardless anyway (I hope so haha)

Anyway, while Scott was doing the tests, I was doing my makeup cause matt was coming to visit!

The night before we were talking until pretty late. He’d had the day off cause it was Sunday and was on early yesterday so he had to be up at 4 in the morning, but because he’s been on lates a lot recently he wouldn’t be able to get to sleep until around 3. And of course I don’t like to sleep when I could be talking to him so I stayed up too. It was one of those nights where we discuss old stuff and he asks all the questions because we can do that now and it’s ok because we’re over all the shit things and it’s not awkward at all (literally nothing is awkward between us I don’t know why I even needed to say that). But we were talking on FaceTime for ages and I said he should come and see me after work tomorrow (which is now yesterday if that makes sense) cause he finished at 2 and then had the next day (now today) off, and the day after (now tomorrow) he’s on late. So it worked pretty perfectly really !! And he was like yes sounds like a plan .... so yay !

He got here literally as soon as I was done, oddly perfect timing really haha. I was so excited to see him :) it was so lovely, I’m so sad now cause I’m writing this after he’s left and I feel so lonely again haha. Not like properly lonely, just weird cause I’m sat in my room on my own now and it’s all tidy, when earlier all of his stuff was everywhere and my mattress and the air bed were on the floor and there were pillows and duvets and blankets and cushions all over (cause we always make a double bed on the floor and push the single bed frame on its side against the wall cause it’s too small for both of us). Feels like a really awesome sleepover. I guess that’s literally what it is anyway but you know what I mean.

So anyway last night we made the makeshift bed on the floor and then we went out for dinner. We went to this cool place not too far away which is like an American diner and grill. I’ve noticed it before but we’ve never been. It was so lovely inside, with all the booths and red and cream upholstery and Coca Cola fridges and neon tube lights and a big motorbike hanging from the ceiling. It was pretty empty, only two other tables of people. That was nice too, cause I could take photos and have a proper look at it without looking accidentally at people . Haha. The food was good too I would definitely go there again, although it was quite a lot . I think my stomach wasn’t used to a big meal because I haven’t really eaten in a week or so. It was still amazing though. Afterwards it was getting dark but we went for a drive like we always do and we listened to soft songs and it was so nice to be back together, even though it’s not even been very long.

Side note here: I feel so clingy because I miss him so so so much and it’s crazy how much I want his constant company, I hope it’s normal haha. I just really love him to a point I didn’t even realise was possible, and I’m so grateful for every second. I really can’t help being so soppy.

We drove through the mountains and we parked in the lay-by that we always do and we talked about how the new car he’ll get has a retractable glass roof so we can do this sort of thing and look at the stars. I think with that roof I would really want to kneel or stand on the seats and be half way out of the car while he drove, like Sam does in The Perks of being a Wallflower. And listen to stevie nicks singing landslide and maybe cry too, because I’m thinking about that now and it’s making me get a tight chest.

I mean that’s pretty illegal anyway, so maybe not. I’ll settle for holding my hands up through the roof and singing along with Matt and smiling like crazy and him holding my thigh and grinning at me in a way that still makes me cry. Why is my go to thing crying. Everything makes me cry. That sounds amazing anyway.

We sat there in the car for a while. The air was really still and pretty warm compared to what you would think it should have been. There was no signal there so we were listening to the shit on the radio and I had my head on his collar. Perfect nights man

Then we drove back, going too fast as always, and it was pitch black so you could just see the mountaintops either side and I called my mom and it was just great.

Matt was tired so we didn’t go to sleep too late really, he was completely gone by half midnight. I was sleepy but still awake, just listening to his breathing and kissing his shoulder blades and feeling the warmth. god tonight is gonna be shit being back on my own again. I was thinking earlier, in some ways i think it’d be better to not visit because it makes it a million times harder to readjust after yknow ? But at the same time I’d definitely rather deal with that than not see him. I can’t wait til it’s just very single night. I mean it is every single night when I’m back there but I always have to come back to uni. Summer will be good though. Going to work or whatever every day then coming home to falling back into bed next to him. I feel like I sound like one of those people who puts on social media about how their dream is to have a husband and a ton of children and just make it their life to look after them all and never have anything for them self. Haha . (Not that i have a problem with those people at all). But I’m just saying it’ll be nice to have such a long period of not being away.

We got up pretty late, obviously he hadn’t slept the night before so it was understandable, although I was getting pretty restless. We didn’t do too much today. We just went to a town further along the coast and got lunch and went around there for a while. There were lots of sweet dogs everywhere :)))

Talking of dogs, Matt and I have finally decided what dogs were gonna try n get when we have our own place. To be honest this may well not happen but as of now it’s the plan, so @ future me, don’t hold me to this. Ok so we’ve decided we’re going to have three, a Labrador because they’re just lovely, a lil spaniel like Lexie because she’s adorable and I can’t imagine life without her now, and a little sausage dog because we both love them so much. I hope we can rescue some that would be amazing :)

Oh also, when we were walking from my place to matts car, we just randomly saw matts cousin. So weird, turns out he goes to my uni and he lives on my accommodation site ??? Matt had no idea, we just saw him out of the blue. I’ve never met him before I had no idea who he was cause when their family all went to their grandparents at Christmas he didn’t go cause he was ill so I didn’t see him. He’s two years older than me but he’s in first year apparently. How crazy... small world haha.

After we got back from that place, we were going to go to the beach we always go to, but we forgot and came back to my flat. We just got back in bed and cuddled for agessssss with the curtains drawn so it was all dark.

I didn’t want him to go. Obviously. I always get pretty sad when he leaves but hey its only a few weeks now til I’m done with the first year ! That’s so mad honestly . Every single day I tick the date off of the calendar poster I have on my wall, and as of tomorrow I’ll be in the last month .

Anyway, I walked him to the car and helped carry his things down. And then he was gone ! (After a looooong hug) :(

He’s home now, back safe thank fuck. Scares the shit out of me everytime he drives pretty much anywhere that I’m not with him. But he’s ok, so I am too.

After he went I played monopoly with Gina and Shannon, and Gina and I went to do laundry. She paid mine again. She’s always like yeah no worries I’ll pay and I’m just like ???? Thank you so much. It’s not like i couldn’t pay myself but she just insists that she’s got it. Really so grateful .

Right now, like I said, I’m sat on my bed on my own. Matt keeps sending me photos of the dog, she’s so cute. I’m pretty tired, it’s after midnight. I need to take what’s left of my makeup off and go to bed.

It’s been a nice few days, and much as I’m a bit sad now, I am appreciative and happy for that.

[fitnesswomenshealth-blog]

Top Ten Health Tips That Have Never Worked for Me

New Post has been published on https://cialiscom.org/top-ten-health-tips-that-have-never-worked-for-me.html

Top Ten Health Tips That Have Never Worked for Me

“Ready” watercolor by Winslow Homer (1880)

Source: Public Area

At any time considering that a seemingly acute viral infection in 2001 turned into a continual illness, I’ve obtained dozens and dozens of tips on how to get back my wellness. This piece is intended to be lighthearted, not meanhearted, which is why I’d be thrilled if a person reading through one particular of these ideas can honestly say: “That 1 aided me!” 

Without having additional ado, in this article are the Prime 10 Health Suggestions That Have Never ever Labored for Me.

Selection 10. Consume a lot and plenty of water

Regrettably, the only result that ingesting a lot more h2o has on me is that I have to go to the bathroom far more typically. If peeing far more normally built me healthy, I’d be the healthiest particular person on earth.

Quantity 9. Use your thoughts to recover your system

I listen to this preferred indicating at nearly every single transform, but I’ll be frank: Would it have been a excellent idea to decrease health-related cure in favor of trying to use my thoughts to recover the cancer that formulated in my breast final calendar year? I don’t think that would have carried out the job. I opted for professional medical intervention and, as a substitute, utilised my brain to exercise self-compassion.

Variety 8. Just take Probiotics (or Ubiquinol, N-Aceytl Cysteine, SAM-e, B12, Acetyl-L Carnitine, Alpha Lipoic Acid, etcetera, etcetera, etcetera)

Tried them all—and a different dozen not mentioned below. Wellbeing unchanged.

Variety 7. Get some fat (variation: Unfastened some excess weight)

Completed the two. Well being unchanged.

Number 6. Take in Vegan (variation: Eat Paleo)

Two polar opposite weight loss plans. Attempted Both. Still sick.

Amount 5. Fast

Sad to say, all this accomplished was to make me particularly hungry.

Variety 4. Work out

I’ve attempted pretty much everything, from qigong to lifting light weights to Pilates. I’m absolutely sure they’ve been valuable for me, but none of them designed me significantly less ill.

Variety 3. Uncover childhood trauma

I’m not generating light-weight of this serious issue, but I do dilemma its overbroad software to chronic discomfort and disease. A number of well-known overall health publications point out that childhood trauma is the root bring about of ache and health issues. Men and women have penned to me, urging me to go after this avenue as a get rid of. It may be the critical to restoration for some individuals but, for me, all I can say about uncovering childhood trauma (and there had been two of them): Been there performed that health unchanged.

Range 2. Stop employing all electronic equipment

I acknowledge that I haven’t supplied all of them up, so I simply cannot say for positive I wouldn’t recover my wellbeing if, when and for all, I turned off the tv, my landline and cell phones (not that I use the latter a lot), and my personal computer. Turning off my laptop would put an close to my composing, to my ability to reach out to some others on the online (as I’m executing below), and to speaking with other people through email and textual content messaging (I use the latter with household when I want or will need to achieve them speedily).

Though I really do not have proof that this health and fitness tip wouldn’t work, I’m 99% sure that if I hardly ever applied another electronic gadget, not only would I even now be ill, but all I’d get for my work would be a diminished quality of daily life, together with additional isolation.

And the Amount 1 wellbeing idea that has never ever worked for me:

Pretending I’m not unwell!

***

What is the lesson in all of this? I’d say it is to preserve seeking treatment options that seem realistic, but not to tie your perception of very well-remaining and your capacity to be written content with lifetime to possessing them operate. My most effective to absolutely everyone.

© 2015 Toni Bernhard. Thank you for examining my perform. I’m the author of three publications:

How to Stay Well with Persistent Pain and Ailment: A Conscious Information (2015)

How to Wake Up: A Buddhist-Inspired Tutorial to Navigating Joy and Sorrow (2013)

How to Be Unwell: A Buddhist-Inspired Guide for the Chronically Sick and their Caregivers (2010) 

All of my guides are readily available in audio format from Amazon, audible.com, and iTunes.

Take a look at www.tonibernhard.com for far more data and acquiring alternatives.

Applying the envelope icon, you can email this piece to other people. I’m energetic on Facebook, Pinterest, and Twitter.

You might also like “10 Factors I Didn’t Know Before I Received Sick.”

Source website link

[alienation2016-blog]

New Post has been published on Alienation

New Post has been published on https://alienation.biz/how-can-multiple-income-streams-help-what-type-income-is-best/

How Can Multiple Income Streams Help? What Type Income Is Best?

Multiple earnings streams allow you to make cash and worry less about your modern-day task or earnings circulate. Additional income streams can assist offer a layer of comfort and security should your situation trade. While any extra income can also assist, there may be more safety while you discover multiple earnings streams that grow and do now not rely on linear income.

What are linear earnings?

Linear earnings are what most jobs and companies offer. With jobs, you receive a commission X greenbacks to work according to an hour or per week. If you are ill, in case you are fortunate you have sick depart that pays the equal, otherwise, you do not make money.

What if I am in sales?

Most income people make X percentage of income. If you’re ill they do not receive a commission. Perhaps you have got a service task. You get paid X quantity consistent with task again if you are ill you do now not get paid. With any of those you can or won’t have income for vacations, but in reality, your income does no longer develop while you are not running.

What are alternative profits?

Residual profits are one-of-a-kind. When you work forty hours every week until you get profits, then you can take a day without work and the profits will continue to be there and perhaps even grow. Residual profits are money now and cash later, or getting paid again and again once more for running once.

What are the benefits of residual profits work?

The other benefit is this income grows so long as you still paintings as you probably did or less frequently. Depending on the manner the residual works, you may be capable to watch your cash grow whilst the handiest paintings you do is to renovation work. It will also not disappear if you take off for ill go away or excursion. Residual earnings make an outstanding and healthful additional profits to offer protection because it will grow.

How do I make residual profits?

There are a variety of methods to make residual profits. Some people purchase homes to rent out, either homes, apartments or commercial enterprise homes. Others create something and earn royalties for life.

What is the best way to make residual profits?

A type that is superb approximately presenting growing residual income is network advertising. This type earns you a percentage of sales on multiple tiers. It works awesome as it also works on leverage, the use of the power of a group to grow profits. Since everybody works at different instances income grows with only a little little bit of maintenance after you have an earnings level installed. This is what makes it a first rate extra earnings supply. It can also begin small, but with work, it may grow and be a completely wholesome income.

Affordable housing, inexpensive meals and decrease medical charges often pinnacle the list when American expats begin speak me approximately their reasons for transferring to overseas united states.

What many that aspire to the expat lifestyle – or who’s just starting to stay it — might not recognize is that Uncle Sam has a going-away present for you: decrease taxes.

This present that keeps on giving comes wrapped inside the 72,000 pages of the USA tax code, which includes some of the ways that Americans residing abroad pays much less income tax, drastically the overseas earned profits exclusion.

The overseas earned earnings exclusion does simply what its name says: it excludes a portion of annual gross income for tax purposes, presently up to a most of $91,500. This hefty tax wreck is to be had most effective to expats who can prove that they spent a whole tax year living outdoor the USA. Plane tickets, overseas housing contracts, and overseas tax receipts are the form of files the IRS desires to see earlier than granting the F.E.I. Exclusion.

The F.E.I. Exclusion also handiest applies to what the IRS defines as earned profits, no longer unearned earnings or variable profits, two other IRS classes. Examples of earned income are salaries, wages, commissions, bonuses, professional costs, and suggestions. Unearned earnings, that is exempt from the F.E.I. Exclusion consists of dividends, hobby, capital gains, playing winnings and social safety blessings.

  The “Not Income” Tax: How States Can Raise Taxes Without Raising Taxes

  Q. When is a tax no longer a tax? A. When you call it something else.

A negative shaggy dog story, possibly, but in all seriousness, “not income taxes” are part of tax coverage in many states. “Not earnings tax” is a tax of many names: franchise tax, privilege tax, B&O tax, business activity tax, gross receipts tax, margin tax, and plenty of, much more. Essentially it’s a tax based totally on your enterprise’s gross profit, or on occasion on iIncome ts percentage capital amount, that has been recharacterized as a “not-income tax” to get round country restrictions on tax. For instance, Texas cannot have an earnings tax in keeping with their State Constitution, so they exceeded the Margin Tax.

We see this tax at the nation level typically charged to agencies. It’s applicable to both go with the flow-thru entities and to C Corporations. The maximum competitive nation in this vicinity might be California, in search of to charge their annual franchise tax, beginning at $800 per entity, on each business they can draw into their net. It may be deceptively easy to fall into “no longer-profits” tax nexus. In truth, if you are concerned that you may have nexus in an aggressive nation, make this your #1 priority to talk about with your CPA soon.

This group of taxes isn’t always taken into consideration both a trustworthy profits tax because it’s not assessed on internet income. It’s also no longer a pass-through income tax. You can’t pass it on to give up clients.

States take exclusive methods to the “not income tax” tax. For the maximum component, it’s primarily based on gross earnings or a few version of it. It’s a famous kind of tax, as it falls outdoor of the traditional regulations laid down via modern regulation and affirmed with the aid of america Supreme Court. That method it is frequently allowable, even in states that have a constitutional ban on imposing an profits tax.

Here are some specific country methods:

CALIFORNIA: All agencies which might be both shaped in California, or who’ve certified to do enterprise in California need to pay the California franchise tax once a 12 months. The tax starts at $800 according to year and may go up, relying on the business’s gross income. It is payable by all included groups: C Corporations, S Corporations, LLCs and Limited Partnerships, and it’s far payable regardless of whether or not or now not the enterprise changed into dormant or energetic. It additionally doesn’t count number if your business made a profit or sustained a loss. In addition, California LLCs have an additional gross receipts tax on earning over $250,000, so long as that profits is generated from California resources. This tax is a sliding scale tax, beginning at $900/year and topping out at over $12,000 according to 12 months. This sliding scale tax is on pinnacle of the $800 consistent with yr.

OHIO: The state of Ohio enacted something known as CAT, or Commercial Activity Tax numerous years in the past.

According to the Ohio Department of Taxation, “The business pastime tax (CAT) is an annual tax imposed at the privilege of doing enterprise in Ohio, measured by gross receipts from enterprise sports in Ohio. Businesses with Ohio taxable gross receipts of $one hundred fifty,000 or more in keeping with calendar year need to sign in for the CAT, document all the applicable returns, and make all corresponding bills.”

CAT can also be carried out to groups with commonplace possession. In other words, if you stay in Ohio and very own 50% or more of each an Ohio corporation and a Michigan agency, you may locate that different business enterprise’s income becoming situation to CAT.

NEW MEXICO: New Mexico doesn’t have a statewide sales tax. To make up for that supply of sales, it imposes a gross receipts tax alternatively. The tax is classified towards the overall sum of money or different attention acquired thru income of goods or positive offerings. The tax is best levied against organizations, but it can also be passed through to consumers, both by way of separately mentioning it on the bill or with the aid of combining the tax with the selling charge.

TEXAS: The Texas Gross Margin Tax is calculated based upon a modified gross profits earned in Texas, and applies to income income, provider income, and earnings from real estate. Margin tax also applies to Cancellation of Debt income, which is income you are considered to have earned when a financial institution, credit score card or loan organization cancels a debt that your enterprise owed.

The Margin Tax turned into added in 2007, and took effect in 2008. However, beneath Texas’ constitution, the authorities might not impose an income tax on individuals with out a vote of the humans. So in that experience, it’s far in direct conflict with current Texas regulation, due to the fact the Margin Tax is applied to partnership and sole proprietorship profits, which is stated to your private tax return. Look for lots more in Texas courts about that.

WASHINGTON: Washington, like Texas, doesn’t have a nation earnings tax. So, to make up for this revenue source, it instituted something known as a Business & Occupation Tax, or B&O Tax. The tax applies to all items bought or synthetic, and applies to many services as well.

In each Washington and Texas, kingdom government arguments that “it is now not an earnings tax, it is a margin tax” isn’t always going over very well. According to a few criminal professionals, even though, there are numerous court cases coming in 2011, in an effort to convey the constitutionality of these styles of taxes into courtroom.