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eerythingisshaka · 6 years

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Mr. and Mrs. Stevens

This is my submission for @hoopshoney and @purple-apricots Black Panther Anniversary/Valentines Fic Fest! Not sure if this fic goes with the theme of the fest and if its a bit....I don’t know, however I did a thing and that’s that on that!

Warnings: Violence, Language, Sexual Situations

Word Count: 4k

Erik Killmonger x Black!OC

Prompt: “Try not to get blood on your clothes. We have dinner reservations in half an hour.”

Her phone trills in her bra as she checks herself out in the mirror. The shift she picked up for a friend starts in 15 minutes and she hates when he calls beforehand.

Picking up the call she answers. “Hey Erik.”

“Wassup baby girl? You at work?” His voice carries extra loud in her ear and kind of scratchy.

“Yeah actually. So why are you calling?” She asks in annoyance while applying her lippie.

“Aww, now don’t be like that. You -- money tonight e--? So don’t trip!” His voice crackles in her ear.

She takes a step back to look over herself in the mirror, pushing her braids back and turning around to check her behind. “The only thing I’m tripping over is why you obviously aren’t using the new AirPods I got you last month? I can hear the 10.99 drugstore quality in my ear, it’s bringing down my mood.” A loud sniff interrupts her train of thought as she sees a brunette leaning over the rim of a sink with a rolled up dollar bill.

Erik tuts at her. “Come on, you know I’m a traditionalist when it comes to the audio experience! I gotta, I gotta have, you know, an immersive, like, surround sound type of thing and like, the cords help-”

She leans on the sink in front of her. “You lost one at the gym today huh? When I called you and you said ‘shit shit shit!’ that was you dropping my money down the drain, huh?”

“Your money? Since when is it your money only?” Erik asks out the side of his mouth.

A girl taps her on the arm, wiping her nostrils as she holds out the dollar bill with a line left on the sink. She shakes her head with a polite smile. “Since I been doing all the work here. These long nights, planning my own appointments, working these guys for tips with only my own damn wit, when they obviously want more!”

“Pssh, aight aight, calm down. You know I appreciate this. It’s OUR thing though, so don’t get your butt on your back with me. I know you nervous cuz a high roller comin in today.” Erik says calmly.

She picks up her bag and stuffs it in a locker, slamming it closed. “Yeah, it’s basically now or never, Erik. If I’m not what he’s looking for, he’s moving on and then we ain’t got shit!”

Erik shushes her softly. “Chill, trust me. You what he’s lookin for. Guys like him love bitches like-”

“You better be kind and rewind that for me!” She demands. Erik always slipping his tongue at the wrong times, ignorant self.

Erik laughs. “I don’t mean you! He likes ‘females’ like you. He studies them the most, you know? That better?”

She sighs, choosing to ignore the still derogatory term. “Fine. You just be here when it’s all said and done. I need you in times like this.”

“You do, huh? I need you too, if you wearin whatever was in that bag you packed. Shit looked tiny, so you ain’t covering much.”

She cackles out loud, her laugh bouncing off the walls of the room. “Shut UP! Don’t be silly right now!”

“Ain’t nuthin silly! WE ain’t playing, you feel me?” Erik says authoritatively.

She kicks her heel at the ground, biting her lip. “I might be in a mood to see my friend backstage tonight.”

“Oh, so you claiming this dick right now? Cuz, I thought this was MY dick! Since I put in all the work around here, getting hard, staying hard, breaking your fucking back so all you gotta do is take it and you can barely handle that-”

“Oh Erik, fuck on with that. Buh-bye!”

“You get it now? Be good, DeDe.”

---

Johnny Rocket’s Adult Entertainment Club has a reputation for high profile clientele and catering to every kink imaginable. Politicians, celebrities, CEOs, and anyone with a 7 figure or more annual salary has the possibility of getting in any night, however the waiting list was 6 months back, minimum. If your name is powerful enough, you may receive a bump for the inconvenience, but there’s no way that list would move, as people kept looking for a chance to have an extravagant night inside.

One did not have to be looking for a touch from a stranger in order to enjoy themselves there, the club scene is just as hopping with exquisite seating, expensive liquors and miscellaneous party favors for the bold. Tonight, Johnny Rocket’s is packed wall to wall for a birthday party of the man who runs the Upper West Side of Las Papeleras, of that’s what he would call it. Mark Foley is the embodiment of greed; a shark tank businessman with a lust for power. His monopoly of the financial district kept his pockets running over and the local law enforcement’s lined to keep his shady dealings going at an accelerated rate.

His dealings started off with drug trades across the southern border of the United States, renting out the time of immigrants on the promise of Visa documents and safe keeping of their families on the road to citizenship. This was a messy business however, as many of his vulnerable employees would be caught shortly after a drop or killed for being intercepted to ensure the details of his operation remained unknown. It wouldn’t take much to cover his trail with his buddies in DC anyway. Even with a successful run, Foley would instruct his subordinates to drop off the grid, leaving his pushers high and dry until ICE came for them eventually.

But he was out of that game, now it is all about real estate. Foley knew exactly where to upstart businesses for friends and confidants that would make him the richest man in America.

“The rundown, dangerous, and poverty stricken neighborhoods are nestled so conveniently between downtown and the burbs. We just need to get those low lifes sucking off the teat of our taxpayer dollars to get off some extra dough, or get the fuck outta there.” Foley slurs his words, picking up his tumbler of 12 year old whiskey.

One of his associates respond, shaking his head. “Ahh, come on, Foley. Those people have been living there for so many fucking generations! How could you uproot them like that, changing there way of life at the drop of a hat like that? Where’s your heart?”

Foley blinks his eyes a couple of times, staring at his acquaintance from across the room for what seemed like hours. The flashing, multi-colored lights of the club blur his vision as the bass of A$AP Rocky pounds at their temples.

“Really?” Foley asks loudly over the music, frozen with his drink in his hand.

The man laughs out loud, banging the back of the couch as he leans his head back in blissful humor. “Fuck no! I’m just fucking with you Foley, come on!” He boasts, picking up a bottle of whiskey, clanging it against Foley’s glass.

Foley shakes as his hoarse laugh builds in his gut. “Ohh, man, you had me going there for a second! You can’t joke like that with me man, you’re still on probation with me.”

The associate combs his hair out of his face, adjusting his tailored, chocolate suede jacket. “Let me have some fun, huh? Anyway, you know what to do. Call up Johnson to get in touch with Hesson about his eminent domain clause on the block, and kick those sons of bitches out on the concrete. They’ll find a way, roaches never die, you know? They just skedaddle on to a new nest to infest.”

Foley lights up a cigar, pointing it his way. “Exactly. I consider this motivation to do better for themselves. Hell, once I clean up the pigsty, they can bring their credit score and occupation info, if they have one, and make a deposit with 6 months rent to settle in to the swanky new digs I transform those rat traps from!”

A waitress comes over in a leather miniskirt and thigh high boots with a fringed crop top that rests off her shoulder. Half of her braids are bound on top of her head, with the rest cascading down her back. Even in the dark room and the intensity of the strobing lights, her melanin shown beautifully rich, bringing the table to her full attention.

“Can I get you gentlemen another round?” Her voice said with a sultry timbre, leaning forward to pick up bottle and adjoining glasses. Some of her braids fall in the face of a hypnotized Foley who reached his thick hands through them, sniffing.

“Mmm, if you mean the juice, that’s not what I need another round of, sugar.” Foley says wagging his eyebrows.

She looks over at him, pulling her braids back and out of his hands. “You are Mark Foley, correct?”

He nods slowly, mouth half hanging open. “I like the way you say my name, doll.”

“My name is Sade. Your friend here made arrangements for us to...get to know each other a little better…” Sade bites her lip, using her almond shaped eyes to invite Foley into the possibility.

He didn’t need too much convincing as he clapped his hands looking over at his associate. “You sly dog! You planned this for me?”

He shrugs. “Nothing but the best, for the man who holds my old hood in his hands.” Raising the bottle up again in solidarity, Foley springs up out of the booth, grabbing Sade by the waist.

“This EXACTLY what I need! Let’s not delay, drop those glasses at the bar and let’s boogie!” Foley exclaims, leading Sade along and leaving his associate with the bill.

Foley’s hands were lit up over Sade’s body, feeling her soft and firm portions of her body with no shame as she led him to the quieter, private rooms in the bottom level of the club. A black door marked with the number 8 in gold is where Sade took them before pausing to turn around and face him, snapping her fingers to regain his sober attention.

“Once we cross this threshold, you will need to behave yourself. I won’t ask you again, otherwise consequences will be set.” She says calmly.

Foley looks around the hallway, rubbing his hands together before whispering. “Whatever you say, mistress. I am at your command.” His Dad-bod practically vibrated with excitement as she opened the door. As it closed with a clang, Foley peers around to inspect the various chains, harnesses, chairs with binding mechanisms that decorated the room.

“Whew, this is-”

“SHUT UP!” Sade yelled with a crack of a whip. Foley turned around quickly in shock.

“Sade, I wasn’t-”

“Are you speaking out of turn after an order?” Sade snarls. In the midst of Foley looking around the room, she has put on a black lace mask covering her face and a nine tailed whip in one hand with ropes in the other.

Foley shakes his head excitedly. “My apologies!”

“Turn around and get on your knees.” Sade says walking around the perimeter of the room like a lioness tracking her prey. Foley does as he is told, fitting the profile of sub perfectly as he avoids eye contact.

“You are a stupid, worm-grubbing quim aren’t you?” Sade says matter of factly, playing with the nine-tails in front of him.

Foley nods aggressively.

“ANSWER ME! Don’t you have a tongue?!” Sade demands, this time cracking the whip across Foley’s arm.

He shrieks. “Agh! Yes! Yes mistress, I am! I do!”

“Hm, we’ll see about that later...Do you have a problem with authority?” Foley stammers, not sure how to answer. “A man of such wealth and status must know a thing or two about breaking rules….Are you going to break mine?”

“No mistress. I’ll listen to every word!”

Sade puts her heel into his chest, leaning against him on her knee as she speaks in his face. “Have you ever let a Black person tell you what to do?”

Once again, Foley is at a loss for words as Sade runs a gloved hand through his thin, short strands of hair, before bringing the palm of her hand square across his cheek with a hard SLAP.

“That ends today. Tell me Black Lives Matter.” Sade commands with a dig of her heel that makes him wince.

“Ahh, Bl-Black Lives Matter.” Foley says hesitantly.

Sade takes her foot off of him before cracking the whip on him again. “LOUDER!”

“Black Lives Matter! Thank God, they matter!” Foley says more enthusiastically.

Sade looks him over with disgust. “Take off your clothes as you recite every Black person you know that has contributed to the fabric of our nation. Go!”

Foley starts with the buttons on his jacket and an ode to Harriet Tubman, Rosa Parks, Martin Luther King Jr. (Sade had to whip him for leaving off the Jr.) getting down to his briefs before stuttering on names, giving up before after he said Bill Cosby, holding his hands in front of his manhood.

“It’s not cold, put your hands down!” Sade demanded.

He does do quickly, looking embarrassed at the small protrusion he can’t seem to control.

Sade shakes her hand tutting him. “I’m glad you’re having fun. It’s a shame though, how little you know. The American private school system really failed you. However I am in a generous mood and have every intention on catching you up to speed. With a little help from a friend.”

On cue, the door opens and in walks his associate.

Foley protests. “Whoa, hey, this may have been incorrect info you got. I’m not into THAT.”

Sade grips his hair at the root. “Have my boot as a snack while the adults talk.” Stomping her foot in front of him, Foley bends down on the concrete floor to kiss and lick her shoe.

Sade sighs, wiping her brow. “Babysitting is so hard. What took you so long Erik?”

He unbuttons his jacket sighing. “His fucking card wouldn’t go through upstairs. So this muthafucka owe me his life and some change now.”

Erik picks up Foley’s pants, ruffling through his pockets for his wallet.

“Whoa, bro, what are you doing? You aren’t a part of this!” Foley says.

Sade was not pleased with this interruption, bringing her boot around to land it squarely with his chin. The crack of the impact echoed in the room as Foley flopped on his back, writhing in pain.

“What...the….FUCK!” He yells out, blood starting to coat his fingers.

“Damn, Sade!” Erik exclaimed, staring at his girl.

Sade inspects her boot. “Shit, he got a damn scuff in it, now I’m really pissed. Tie his ass up so we can move on.”

Erik handles Foley like a ragdoll, turning him over and using Sade’s ropes to tie his hands behind his back.

“You fucking niggers don’t know who you’re dealing with!” Foley says through clenched teeth.

Erik pulls him up by his arms over to a part of the wall with a collar and chain attached to it. Turning Foley around, he hooks his neck up to the contraption.

“You really want them to be your last words, bitch ass cunt?” Erik says, tightening the collar on the last possible notch. “Gotta use they language to get to em sometimes.” Erik says to Sade.

Foley laughs nervously as tears fill his eyes. “I could make you rich, man. Get your mom out the ghetto. You got any siblings? You could take them anywhere! I’ll turn your life around in ways you never seen, just let me out of here with this bitch!”

Sade sits on a stool trying to buff out the mark on her shoe. “Erik, his voice is annoying me…” She says in a sing-songy manner.

Erik pulls out Foley’s phone from his pants pocket, holding it up to his face to unlock it.

“Fuck! I shoulda known that facial unlock would bite me in the ass.”

Erik opens his camera to take some pictures. “Aww, shit! You finna be the Belle of the Ball once these circulate through your contacts. No way your bros at the Capitol can clean this mess up.” Erik laughs, showing the gallery to Foley, who is whining for mercy.

“Come on! Don’t do this! Let’s talk this over! You need some money? Let me give you something something, and we can work this out. No harm no foul!”

“Give him your bank login, we’ll handle the rest.” Sade instructs from across the room.”

Foley shifts, blinking the sweat out of his eyes. “I-I mean, you don’t wanna give me a figure first-”

Erik sends a strong blow to Foley’s gut, knocking the wind and dignity out of him.

“O...k…” Foley rasps as he coughs through his username and password for Erik to set up a transfer.

“Thanks for the paycheck, bro.” Erik, takes some leather gloves off of a table, sliding them, flexing his fingers. “No way in hell you can help me while you still got breath in your body. And ain’t shit you can do for me. That neighborhood you wanna run over so fuckin bad ain’t yours to take. White folks can’t never miss out on a land deal, fuckin colonizers.”

Foley struggled against his bindings, becoming agitated. “I am providing a service! Something that will make their world better!”

Erik punches the wall next to his head, cracking the concrete. “A world you ain’t got no plan to let them in? They already got a place to stay, and you want them outta there cuz the living is too cheap and they barely affording that. So instead of working for them, you’re just gonna build shit that they can’t afford, segregating them even more until they gotta leave. Turning half the shit into fucking parking lots any damn way.”

Foley breathes heavily, swallowing hard. “It’s so disappointing to hear you settling for less, bro. It really is…”

Sade comes up behind Erik, handing him a club and brass knuckles.

“I don’t need that shit, I got this.” Erik insists with a wink.

Sade rolls her eyes. “Try not to get blood on your clothes. We have dinner reservations in an hour.”

As Erik takes off his jacket and dress shirt. Foley says, “Aye, what was it you said before? Roaches always surviving? What’s it to you when they’ll find another hole to crawl into? Making babies and killing themselves, it’s the circle of life. I'm just tired of seeing your Black asses fucking with my city.”

Erik reaches behind his back near his waistband to swiftly take take out his military issue knife, grabbing Foley by his neck, slamming his head into the wall. As Foley neck folds sheath his hand, Erik brings the knife slowly to his eye socket as Foley closes his eyelids tightly. That only makes the process more messy as he screams in excruciating pain while Erik skillfully gouges him.

“There. Now you aint gotta see shit. That better?” Sade says, walking away at this point when all she heard was the pounding of Erik’s fist in bone. Foley’s feebled cries in pain didn’t last long when Erik socked him in his mouth, making him swallow his own teeth. Sounded as if he even indulged in the knuckles and the club after all, as he dared Foley to say something again, until it was impossible to do so Sade sat in her seat, reviewing her manicure as the cacophony of pounds into Foley’s body turned soft.

Erik’s breathing was the only thing left as he made his way back over to Sade with a wild nature in his eyes, and blood coating his knuckles and face.

“Ohhh, look at you! You’re never careful when I ask you to!” Sade scolds him as she pulls out a handkerchief and water, wiping down his hands.

“You know how I get carried away in the moment.” Erik says, voice gravelly as he stares at Sade.

Sade finishes off his hands, reaching for his face to clean. “Mhm, I know. Lucky for you, I brought a spare undershirt to change. What about your pants…” Sade brushed some dust near his crotch, feeling his dick twitch under her touch. “That is enough! I’m not cancelling this dinner. It's been weeks in the making!”

Erik bites his lip, leaning over Sade as she digs through her bag. “You blaming me when you out here dressed like that, kicking white folks in the face and not expecting me to wanna fuck you for that?”

Sade reaches for the collar of his shirt, tearing it halfway off his him with a blade between her teeth. She takes it and aims it over his chest. “You know how we celebrate…”

Applying pressure, she drags it slowly across his skin, red liquid bubbling along the length of the cut as Erik seethed. The satisfying release of his skin allowing the penetration of her blade made her breath hitch in her chest. “We got another one, we mark the occasion. Without him contacting his people in DC, no way they can settle a vote to gentrify now.”

Sade runs her thumb along the blood trickling out, wiping it clean before bring her face in his chest to lick his wound. The soft, muskiness of his skin is too tempting for her to let go as she caresses his chest.

Erik sighs deeply, taking one hand to grab her ass and the other wraps her braids around its knuckles pulling her face back as he devours her mouth hungrily. Erik lifts her up and onto a nearby table with a thud, pulling her skirt up to her waist as she reaches to free him from his trousers.

“Ooh, dont make me scar your back up now. This is lucky number 57?” Sade chuckles as Erik brings ankles to his shoulders, leaning over her.

The way Erik looks at her, one might think she was his sworn enemy. But this is Erik’s favorite time with Sade. Not just fucking, but taking out white folks that aren’t doing shit for anyone but themselves, leaving a trail of dead brown and black bodies behind them. Doing this vigilante justice together never got old.

“Try me. And a lot more to come.” Erik promises as Sade kisses his keloid riddled arm, biting down once he entered her.

Sade peppered Erik with affection as they fucked. Their roles easily switched from business to pleasure. Sade being the brains behind most of the operations, and Erik being the muscle, all he needed was to be told where to go and he had the rest. But as lovers, Erik took control of her, and she needed that change of pace.

As Erik reaches for her throat, he put his weight on her, lapping at her neck as he digs her out desperately. Sade gasped with each stroke he dropped inside of her, seeing stars as her breath quickened. Her head fell to one side as she got a full view of the damage Erik did to Foley’s body. The bruising, the bone jutting from his skin, blood pooling near his collapsed skull was all too much for Sade. She came so hard, Erik nearly slipped in her wetness flooding between them, tightening up on Erik until he contributed his own fluids to their celebration.

Erik lays still on top of her panting. “How much time left we got on the room?”

Sade rubs his back, still smooth but hopefully not for long once they continue their mission. “45 minutes.” She smacks his shoulders, willing him to roll off of her. “You’re cleaning up by yourself this time. Your dick is making me miss dinner, I’ve suffered enough.”

Erik laughs slow and deeply as he rubs his face, satisfied all the same. “You need a mop-iana?”

RagTag (it’s been so long since I wrote, I’m forgetting who likes to be tagged)

@chaneajoyyy @bidibidibombaclaat @wakanda-inspired

#erik killmonger fanfic #black panther fanfic #withlovefromwakanda #shakafic #fanfic

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zizliine · 7 years

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Hello TUMBLR! It’s been a super long time since the last time I type things on a blog. I’ve been wanting to do this for a long time, sometimes I just jot my removable pen on a random note that always gone, or on a memo app that tend to deleted accidentally. So I decided to share my thoughts on this platform, idk what would it be, but I’m sure it’ll be healthy for my mental lol.

There is a loooot of things I have in my mind. I always have this roller coaster brain, juggling up and down.

DECEMBER 2015 - I GRADUATED! I was one of the best student you can say. Graphic design. After my graduation, there is a lot of things happened. I do regret that up until this early 2018, I still don’t know what to do with my life. Since I was a kid, I always love doing tons of things, you know it if you’ve been followed me through my junior high school blogs. I used to aim to be a multitalented someone, independent woman, and self-sufficient.

It happened mostly on being someone who is talented on doing a lot of things, "Jack of all trades, master of none”. I keep jumping on wanting to be a graphic designer, interior designer, chef, business owner (clothing store and cafe mainly), Muay Thai fighter, youtuber, makeup artists. Its crazy.

JANUARY 2016 - So this is what happened, after my graduation. My dad hospitalized, he was diagnosed with Hepatitis B at first (early 2016) and the other hospital said he got Hepatitis C afterward. Me and my mom went back and forth accompany my dad, to Kuching, Malaysia, to Singapore too. I guess it took only 6 months for him to recovered and free of the virus, THANK GOD. Because of that, my grandma was sent to Jakarta to stay and treated with my uncle, because we were busy taking care of my dad (for 3 months).

MAY 2016 - Then my Dad bought a new house, we were so busy designing the house. My dad assigned me to communicate with the interior designer, and I kept looking for design inspiration that match with my family’s taste. I always consider others, always want their taste to be contributed to the house. I want the touch of us, in every part of the house. My sister was capable of choosing the look and feel of the house, the way she wanted. My bro and my parents only told me they want “Hotel” theme, which is sleek and clean, specifically brownish n warm tone just like Marina Bay Sands hotel. The construction started around May 2016.

During that time, my dad kept going back to Singapore for a following check up, I am soo grateful that my boyfriend always had my back, up until now. Idk what to do if I don’t have him, I wasn’t that strong :)

JUNE 2016 - My lovely Auntie taught me how to bake eggtart, and it was a really good experience cos I LOVEEE EGGTART! It was my grandmother’s recipe. The outer crisps was damn good. I modified the recipe by adding some grated cheese and grounded almond. My family was proud of me and really loving the tarts. I baked a lot during that time, I gave it away for my friends and family (including my boyf’s grandma, and she sent me a pumpkin egg tart too)

JULY 2016 - Its the Hari Raya Holiday again, so my family went to Singapore again. I brought the egg tart that I baked 3am in the morning for my boyfriend’s family, I choose the best ones and hand carry them to Singapore lol. We went to the zoo, I remember how I was super influenced by Mathilda, Leon The Professional’s clothing style. On 4th of July, I was invited to Emilie’s 4th Birthday, she is my boyfriend’s cousin.

NOVEMBER 2016 - I was texted by someone, I was shocked at first, but she became my best friend now. She contacted me to become a model for her clothing store, I was with my other friend, who turned out to be my boyfriend’s cousin too. We had fun at the photoshoot, we played with makeup too. After that, I told them how I enjoy making lace choker, then we started our first business together, Dixi Choker, but it only last for a while lol.

DECEMBER 2016 - The three of us are three musketeers, we went everywhere together, it was a great time. There was a lot of great event we had, going to Jessandra’s bday party together, had Christmas dimsum & went to the church on Christmas Eve, it was really great. Then in the end of year, I bleached my hair to blonde! I had awesome time. My family went to Singapore again to spend our New Year. 30th December, me and my boyfriend went to Art Science museum, we happily bought the NASA tshirt as a couple lol. On the 2nd of January, my fam supposed to go back to Indo, but the plane had trouble so we postponed the flight, and went back the day after, just the day before my birthday.

JANUARY 2017 - On the 5th of January, my best friend Klara and Jessica surprised me at King’s Restaurant, I wasn’t expected that at all. These two girls are really sweet that I guess, I opened myself to them the most. You know, it is not easy to get close to me. I have such a cold heart. Just like cold turkey in the cold storage lol. I had a lot of Star Wars gift too from my friends and my boyfriend!

We held our grandmother’s 85th birthday party on 11 January. I forgot when she went back, but we gather all her relatives, her siblings and had our dinner at Restoran Gajahmada. She carried her peached shaped pao, very happily. She really loves pink, so we dressed her all in pink. “Dadu”, is how she named pink. I miss her so much as how I look at her pictures. During my house construction, we took our grandma with her wheelchair to visit the house too, she was so happy and resists to go back to our old house lol. She’s so funny. On January 27th, we fly back to Singapore again for Chinese New Year & go back again on 31th of January.

FEBRUARY 2017 - Klara, Jessica and me went to Kuala Lumpur for farewell trip because Jessica was going to pursue her study to New Zealand. It was a very sad moment tho, but so memorable. I’ve never really go anywhere with friends before, I did, but for a study tour to Taiwan when I was in senior high school. It’s because of the school, lol. So we had a really good time you know, we went shopping and had so many photoshoots. Cafe hoping and culinary mostly, play dress up and make up.

MARCH 2017 - On 15th of March, Jessica fly to NZ. I am not a type of person who melts easily, who cry easily in front of people cos I am trained to hold my tears as I always want to look strong. But I’m dying inside, I miss her a lot. When she was around, she talked to me a lot, maybe she does it to other of her friend too, but I listened to her as she is my only friend. She shared me her secrets, we had a lot of deep talk and quality things. You know, I’m into deep talks and building deep connections. The next day, my friend from Korea, Ji Eun (She is actually my older sister’s classmate, and her bro was my classmate, so we got so close) visited Pontianak. We had empek2, ice cream angi, and she boughts some DVD contained Indonesian Folklore animation, then we had our dinner at KBAB, played monopoly deal together with my sister.

I took my Ielts class with Klara, we had 3 months of course. I was actually disappointed with my results lol, but its okay cos the score is above the requirements.

APRIL 2017 - Me and my fam went to informa a lot to buy furnitures, it was a great experience cos it was the first time we move lol. We decide together for our garden design too. It felt great, after 3 years away from my family, we had a lot to catch up. On Easter (16 April), I went to church with Linda, accidentally met my boyfriend’s auntie and cousins. Then on April 29th, me and my family went to Singkawang. We had great time, such a wonderful road trip. This is what I love the most, when we usually have our holiday in Singapore, my dad is always busy at the casino, stucking his nose up to those machine lol. I was always busy with my boyfriend too. So this little trip helps a lot you know. Its an awesome go-getter.

MAY 2017 - My english teacher since I was in high school, the one who help my IELTS when I was going to Singapore came back to Ponti after she Moved to US with her husband. We had a great lunch at Saung Kedah. Then on 22nd of May, My boyfriend visited Pontianak! With the whole pack, his parents, his twins, lil bro and older sis. I spent a lot of time with his family. I was invited to his parent’s Anniversary, and her grandma’s new house blessing (24 May). It was a great opportunity. On 26th of May, me and bf went for a movie together, it was our first time watching movie together in Pontianak. We watched Pirates of the Carribean lol. Then I took him and his grandfather to Ice cream Angi, and we went to fix his portable wifi too. I dragged my boyfriend to Kopi Aming too, his first time trying my favourite coffee in Ponti.

JUNE 2017 - We moved to our new house! I was so happy organizing our house, especially my room. I made drawer separation system by using pretty cardboard and turned out pretty well. It was the time when I was all crazy about plants too, disgustingly obsessed. It was a bad obsession I can say, until I bought a lot of gardening stuff, seeds, and hydroponic system. It was also the time I tried to import stuff from China, started my online business clothing store. I bought my ringlight too, oh GOD I spent a lot of money. On 25th June, My family went to Singapore again. I guess it was only me, mom and dad. I went to Ikea and daiso a lot to buy organizing stuff. We went to Universal Studio for the first time (we went twice for the Halloween Horror Night, but never for the day rides lol). I introduced him the Pork Bun too, the one I had when I was in Hongkong.

JULY 2017 - It was when I went so deep into gardening. Had my pretty marigold flowers blooming from seeds. Then my Auntie came back from Jakarta and taught us to make Pizza from Pan, sweet potato purple doughnuts, and Biji Salak. It was so great. Then my cousin introduced me to Sims 4, and I was impulsively bought the game from tokopedia. Which is a huge regret now. I hate myself when I got into games, I could play it all day long until I neglect my life. That is how fast I get addicted into things.

My dad always pet a specific fish, its Red Parrot Fish. He really love it, but everytime we move the fish, from house to house, they always get stressed out. The older and big fishes died slowly. One by one, then he got new ones, I guess almost 20 fishes lol. I got myself succulents too, and I got some for my sister. I also bought a lot of IKEA furnitures, sent them through an container expedition sent by ship cos it costs so much if I use the regular one. I had fun in assembling the furnitures too. I went crazy in buying plant seeds too lol.

On July, my boyfriend visited ponti again. We surprised our friend Shella with other friends too. As usual, when my boyfriend come to ponti, we always have Ice Cream Angi with his Akong. His Akong loves Ice Cream so much. Then me and my boy went to Shinjuku, a Japanaese Yakitori Street Food. We had kaloci, tausuan, and pentol as a closing of our dinner lol. At night, we tapao Bakmie Atie for Ama. The morning before he go back to Sg, we initially wanted to have tiammie for breakfast, but the store was closed, so we ate Bakso in front of my complex, and I drived him to eat some Tua Ce Ie too. He love it so badly. (25July)

I sold my first clothing piece on 27th of July. I was so happy lol. During this month, I spent my day promoting my clothing store and taking care of my plants.

AUGUST 2017 - My auntie came back again, we made some handmade noodles and sponge cakes. I took pictures of her recipe books as she told me to. I spent my time with my Senior High School friend too, as he is a photographer, I asked him to help me to take pics for my clothing store. I asked Anggi and Michelle (my niece) to be the model.

26th August, is when my Grandma passed away. I was torn apart. I hate myself so much that I did not spend more time with her. I spend more time with my boyfriend’s grandparents a lot more than with mine. I was so sad that I lose her. It my first time to lose someone who is so close to me. She was buried on 1st of September 2017.

SEPTEMBER 2017 - We visited Singapore again. I forgot what it was for hahaha. But mainly I just had fun with my mom and boyfriend. We had nice dinners so many times. We went to China town to buy some jerky beef, and as usual my main restaurants to go in Sg are Genki Sushi, Tanuki Raw, Mcd, Menya Musashi, Kanshouku, any Kbbq or Hotpot restaurant. When I went back to ponti, I always limit my food intake lol.

OCTOBER 2017 - We held my sister’s birthday too, I bought her mangoo cheesecake. She was happy, and me and my friend surprised her for the second time at Tyga per Ampat too.

NOVEMBER 2017 - I prepared my bro’s bbq party. I made him sate taichan, bbq chicken, sauteed potato (4NOV). My housemate when I was in Singapore visited to Ponti too, they are originally from Batam & Medan. We surprised Brenda’s bday party too, twice (6NOV). First at Botani, followed a BBQ party at William’s house. I was still in a journey to lose some weights, so I bought a lot of granola during that time. I bought an expensive muay thai punching bag too. CRAZY. I always made a bold move in spending my money. (18Nov) I did see results, my waist are smaller. I visited Jakarta on 19th November, mainly for my acne treatment. Then I had nice dinner at Kintant with Gris, and Shaburi with my mom. The rests are random KBBQ, random Indo food with my cousin.

DECEMBER 2017 - I only focus doing muay thai and losing weight, I did some intense classes, follow kayla itsiness and strict with my diet. I made my weight planner, it was crazy. I bought protein powder from my protein, I was really focus in making myself feel stronger and energetic. I determined to be healthy so I can focus better. THEN MY FAMILY FLY TO SG AGAIN TO SPEND OUR NEW YEAR! hahahhaa.. its always like that.

JANUARY 2018 - So from 28 Dec to 6 January, 9 days spent in Singapore. Me and my whole fam spent times in Singapore, then my Fam went back first on 1st of January. I stayed at Derrick’s home. I accompanied him to school, sitting at the cafe and read Girl Boss book. Then on 3rd of January my dad and mom came to Sg again to pick me up! Hahahha that is how my dad spoil his 23 years old daughter. I’m old alr but he is still super protective. He was actually fly from Ponti-Jkt to had his dental surgery, but he decided to pick me up. I want to extend my day in Sg cos I want to spend it with my boyfriend. I don’t wanna be in Ponti for some reasons. It feels like I’m getting old but I have no where to go. I know its my hometown, but it feels strange somehow. I am weird, its hard for me to get along with people here. I hate those eyes staring at me with the thoughts I predict they wud say. I know it might be only in my mind. But I hate myself enough already, those questions asking me about what’s my career now, what am I working now is depressing. I need time with myself. I just want to be with someone I feel safe with, which is my boyfriend. I feel so calm whenever I am with him, might be the reason why I want to be with him forever. I am anxious every time, talking to him was the greatest feeling ever. He always giving me positive feedback and encourage me. It was great.

So I went back to ponti after that, and my parents went to Sg again. My mom was on cruise trip to Thailand & Sg.

FEBRUARY 2018 - My cousin from my Dad’s side had his wedding, somehow we didn’t go there even though they were waiting for our presence. Its kinda pressurize me when I have those thoughts abt ppl asking me what I am doing. So I decided not to go by that reason. And chosing nice dresses on not-so-confident-me is stressful too. idk why i stress everything over small things. Btw we surprised our mom too, she had her birthday! Then again, my dad and mom fly to Singapore again. Kinda bad decision tho, cos Jipek suddenly passed away. He is my best uncle on earth. I love him so much eventho I never show it when he’s alive. He taught me gardening, asked me to eat rose petals, drenching rose plants with crazy tons waters, he pet an orang utan, taught us how to draw, and a lot of things.

So yeah, idk what else to write. There are a lot of memorable things, even though I feel I did not achieve something during this past 2 years, at least I learnt a lot. I always wonder what if , what if I continue to work or just continue my study in Singapore during 2015-2018. But I wouldn’t be as close as this with my family, I won’t have time to catch up with my grandma, I wouldn’t be there when my Ama left. I feel like God sent me to Ponti to have golden time with my family. I was way too harsh with myself when people asked me why am I still in ponti doing nothing. I cursed myself everytime people asked me things abt my future. Guess what? I am okay. I learnt a lot.

- I lose 2 of my favourite people, but I was there before they gone.

- I was there to help my mom taking care of my dad and ama. So she was not alone.

- My dad bought a house and need me to help with the design.

-I learnt muay thai and made some connections with them.

-I got new close friends, Klara and Jessica, and Gerry too hahah.

-I got close to my bf’s grandparents.

-I participate in makeup competitions and started few videos on my chanel, its growing but slow hahha

-I learnt a lot abt gardening

-I hang out a lot at a coffee shop, and make some friends.

-I started my online shops and struggled!

-I did some organizing at my new house which is a great thing I guess?

-I cook a looooooot for my family, thank God they love it.

-I fly to places without my parents (hongkong with sisters) and kuala lumpur with my besties.

-I did chalk drawings at a cafe with Linda and Jeff.

-I work with 5 clients on graphic design (Rutos, Achiang, Shica, Cloud Vape, Cokoer) Some cv design for friends, and some i dont really remember lol.

-I catch up with hair dying experiment again with my mbak and myself! I permed and bleach my hair too lol idk whether its smth special to mention or not.

- I did makeup for people too and earn money for it!

Its crazy how time flies, but it was not for nothing. God has been good to me.

During 2015-2018 (disgusted with myself how i spend my time but you know, its not bad at all! )

So now its 2018 guys! There is a lot more to come. I realized when I try to do graphic design freelancing, it was really hard to manage my time, to make my income constant, pricing my work, to talk with clients and everything. I was alone to do it all.

It was hard to run an online business alone, order stuff, talk to clients, design, market my stuff, branding, send the stuff.

I know i can grow through makeup, cos I can see it is my passion now. But I need to prioritize what I need now. I need to earn money. Real money. So I decided to take my path and take a turn. I’ll be mentally stable in Singapore, working with a good amount of salary, and constant too.

All i need to do is just to play safe right now. Cos hell yeah ofc, I need money. I just need to save up. I need to be good in saving money, as what ppl say, to earn is easy but saving is hard. I need a stability, I need to anchor myself on something I am sure about. I need commitment. I need something to hang on. Which is what I have and certified is graphic design.

So now I am planning to revamp rebuild my portfolio, cv, resume and cover letter. I will target myself to apply some jobs in Singapore before March. Hopefully I’ll get some interviews. PLEASE GOOOODDDD! HELP ME! Hehee.

If not, (worst case scenario lol) I’ll take some courses, online and in school. I want to specialized in UI & UX. Then on early march, I will go to Jakarta with my sister and mom, she had an art exhibition. I wanna grab new laptop for me to work better.

But yeah currently I’m working on my works, and trying to sharpen my skills, get into my workflow, and learn some more skills on share skills ! WISH ME LUCKKKKKK <3 <3

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