#the ongoing fucking god wars!?

[frostwork]

Yes I made a similar post but again

Hsr’s lore/story/gameplay/shorts the game itself has no business being as good as it is honestly im not even mad at the gacha anymore im in it for the plot like this is peak scifi to me how? Why? We just dont know but they are fucking cooking in that studio

[crystalis]

it is really depressing seeing some of my family members blindly 'standing with israel' and changing profile pictures on facebook and everything ever since the "terrorist attack" propaganda and realizing how many people ive known my whole life who would have been on the wrong sides of terrible events in history that are universally recognized as terrible today by blindly believing propaganda or being willfuly ignorant

[frogeyedape]

I'm tired of seeing antisemitism on my dash, in all its subtle forms. War is an atrocity, and Israel is not unique in that. Where is the outrage against Russia's ongoing genocide of Ukrainians? What about China's genocide of Uyghurs? What of all the other atrocities being committed around the world? Why is there *so much attention* devoted to hating Israel and seeking, not an end to the conflict, but the end of Israel? Is it just that they're a little country, an easy target to potentially dismantle, compared to the big fish of Russia and China?

Keep calling out the atrocities, by all means, but for the love of humanity maybe broaden your targets and reduce your own genocidal wishes?

Any ideology that says: "They did horrible things so 'they' [the group they belong to] all deserve to die horribly" is an evil one.

[eorzeashan]

lol @ my parents and specifically my dad being so brainwashed by capitalism that every country that didn't subscribe to its system was always poor and deserved to be and the global south was never ramsacked by america or had any cia coups and i'm making it all up and capitalism is a good and pure system and the incredibly skewed and corrupt and incorrect view of communism they have because of traumatic personal experience is the only fact and ONLY type of communism to ever exist which makes them more qualified to talk about it than thousands of authors and teachers who have both experienced and studied it in an unbiased way for decades with entire degrees. I hate capitalism and the way its poisoned my parents minds so thoroughly that the entire idea of capitalism being a system that everyone is born under and forced to participate in with inherently unfair advantages is impossible to fathom. surely america is just rich because the system works and we were only self sufficient! BECAUSE WE PLUNDERED EVERYONE ELSE?

[annwrites]

stranger things masterlist — billy hargrove

—thoroughfare series (complete) | inspo | spotify playlist | ao3 After your dad has gone far enough with abusing you—finally threatening your life—you decide to leave Hawkins in the middle of the night to go out West to start anew. Unexpectedly, Billy finds you on the side of the road & makes a split-second decision to come with you. Across multiple state lines, something more begins to grow, as a constant push-and-pull is created between the two of you, until it all comes to a head near the end of the road...or, perhaps, the beginning of it.

hey, sweetheart, need a ride?

because i'm coming with you.

see somethin' you like, darlin'?

fine, yeah, i'm fuckin' jealous!

you're stuck with me, baby.

you should see me under the hood of this thing, sweetheart.

you need a hand with that, baby?

i'm fuckin' begging you.

you're my girl, and i'm your man.

my lil' cherry pie.

please, god, please, take him instead.

forever

we're home.

epilogue

—outtakes | ao3:

happy birthday, billy.

this isn't you.

dance with me.

mine.

—a house in hawkins series (complete) | inspo | fancasts | ao3 Growing up the daughter of a drug-dealer, all you've ever known is a rough life & ever rougher men who take what they want—namely from you—without shame or quarrel. No place feels safe in your dangerous world, until you happen upon an abandoned house, hidden in the middle of an overgrown field. Before long, unexpected company joins you, & for the first time in all your life, you find at least one man whom you can trust, & maybe even love.

part one

part two

part three

part four

part five

part six

part seven

part eight

part nine

—preacher's daughter series (ongoing) | inspo sideblog After months of being away from your daddy's church, Billy & his family—minus one elusive member—return. He seems somewhat changed, somehow. He's still just as cocky & headstrong as ever, but far more a man than boy now. One thing that has remained steadfast, though, is him having an unwavering want for you.

part one

part two

part three

part four

—solitary road series | inspo | preview Billy spends all his time on the road as a long-haul trucker, the cab of his sleeper the only home he has left. It's a lonely life on a solitary road, until he finds you selling yourself outside of a truck stop one evening. Unable to help himself, he pays for half-an-hour of your time & comes to quickly realize it won't nearly be enough for him. So, he returns time & again when able, until something more develops & you decide to see what more can be found on the highway in his passenger seat.

—born in the usa series | preview The year is 1968 & Billy serves as VP of an outlaw—1%er—motorcycle gang, a title he quickly earned after climbing his way through the ranks after returning from Vietnam the year prior; searching for a like-minded family which would understand the things he'd been through in the Vietnamese jungles & paddy fields, all in the name of trying to make something of himself. Still angry & reeling from the war, however, he has a deep, seething hatred for any 'peace-loving' hippy he comes across—which is the epitome of who you are at-heart. The mantra of 'make love, not war' are words you strive to live by every day. Including the one where the two of you meet at his MC's clubhouse. You stoke his ire immediately—as he can tell just by your attire what you are—but when he confronts you with his explosive temper, you take him completely by surprise with what you do next, near-instantly wrapping him around your finger. And so begins your summer of love...

—you can be the boss | inspo | preview Initially, Billy can't stand you as your two families merge into one & his home state is left in the rearview. But, before long, an unhealthy obsession begins to grow. You're everything he's not—but everything he wants—innocent, naïve, sickly-sweet, virginal, & all-around fucking perfect. It's wrong—illegal, even—what he wants from you. What the two of you do together when you're all alone at-home, or in his car... But neither of you is willing—or much more, want—to stop when you experience just how good something so bad can feel.

—you shook me all night long series | preview The summer before senior year something unspeakable happens to you when leaving a video rental store one night. Afterward, you withdraw further and further into yourself until you’re all you have left. And then Billy Hargrove comes to Hawkins High, and you, along with the rest of the female student population, quickly take notice of him. But for you, it’s not due to some juvenile crush. You see him as a way to gain back a part of yourself. A means to an end—no matter how insensitive that may sound. And so you have a one-night stand. Or what was meant to be. Until he comes to you asking for more. The two of you agree up-front that no commitment or feelings will be involved. That it’s about one thing and one thing only: mind-blowing sex. And then he starts having movie-nights with you, afternoons at the arcade, evenings driving around town in his car, eating at local diners, among countless other interactions that most-certainly aren’t dates. Because Billy doesn’t do feelings. Or so he thinks…

—fucked my way up to the top series | preview being a softcore porn starlet—the starlet—came at a hefty price. but you vowed once you made it out of the underground: never again, and to that principle you've held true. now your work appeals solely to the female gaze—making you one of few in the industry who refuses to make films that instead pander to the masses: to the male gaze. you'd, instead, envisioned dreamy, intimate, romantic productions, and once you had a seat at the literal and metaphorical table, you demanded to be listened to. had refused to be backed into a corner ever again, or to allow even one minute of film to ever be released that you hadn't had a hand in, or been proud of creating. enter billy hargrove—current king of hardcore porn—and someone you've never had an interest in working with. the reverse cannot be said for him, however. so, he begins pressuring his manager to get him into a room with you to talk about making the biggest 'blockbuster' of both your careers. things immediately get off to a rocky start as each of you butt heads over the nature of what your shared film should be, with one of you eventually walking away entirely from even the idea of the project, until truths are shared during a chance meeting, and chances are taken.

—we're all mad here series | preview 1933. prohibition & the great depression hang heavily over a country which finds itself desperate for joy & hope following the great war. one form of brief respite that's provided to cities both big & small are traveling circuses, menageries, & carnivals. the brighton brothers carnival is one such business—all recall their infamous tagline of 'we'll brighton your day!' as being quite clever at the time. had it not been due to the seedy things taking place behind the billowing curtains of the big top & in-between side-show tents, perhaps it could've been true. when newcomer, billy hargrove, joins the troupe as a helping hand to pitch tents, take orders, & do menial labor, he primarily keeps to himself. until he takes notice of you: the carnival's psychic. once he sets eyes on you, he's reluctant to remove them, wanting nothing more than to find out your secrets, as you seem to know everyone else's. & then the day comes when he finally lays hands on your beautiful body & it turns out—much to your surprise—that you can't get enough of what he's more than willing to give.

—long black road series | preview 1980s rock band, billy & the hard grove, are at the top of the music charts, as well as the world. billy—the lead singer & a guitarist—has everything he could ever ask for & never could've imagined he'd one day have when he left that podunk indiana town: drugs, women, money, & worldwide fame. but not what he needs, even if he doesn't know it—is reluctant to admit to desiring it in fear of seeming weak, pathetic, or, much more: fucking it up like he does every other facet of his life in due time—someone who loves him. along comes you, who he spots backstage after one of the band's shows in indianapolis. quietly standing off to the side, not requesting so much as an autograph from him as groupies & fans gather round. so, he goes to you instead—refusing to leave you be until you give him your number—& for the first time in his life, he gradually comes to find that he's discovered something that he has no idea how to live without. &, through billy, you discover a world you never knew existed. one full of passion, excitement, & maybe even love. one where you can step outside the box you've tried to desperately to shove yourself into for so many years. until your heart is broken, & you finally remember why you'd kept it so carefully protected all your life. &, in turn, billy loses not just his soulmate, but himself as he rapidly goes off the rails with no end in sight, until he, like all natural disasters, finally crashes & burns.

[threepandas]

Bad End: Hidden Heir

Next ->

The Duke's family had very distinct eyes. It was genetic. An aggressively dominant trait at that, though it tended to die off, after a few generations out of the family. Supposedly a "blessing of the Gods". Spring to be exact. Bounty and luck. And the family certainly WAS bountiful.

In all the best and worst ways.

Wealth, corruption, children and bastards. It was a family so aggressively ALIVE, it could only be Spring's blessing that made them so. Pouring mania and madness into their veins like sweet sunlight. Whispering glory and riches, into power addled ears. They burst with life. Even as they endlessly destroyed themselves.

They were fictional.

Fascinating set dressings, for the stage play of someone else's story. Unimportant beyond their role in world building. As the origin story and power base of a character lead.

The Story ITSELF didn't even occur here. But rather, in the capital. Where the players of significance had gathered.

And I? Oh I was some minor antagonist, so insignificant to the plot, I genuinely could not remember which of seven different women I actually WAS. It had been an ongoing series. Otome Isekai. Reverse harem.

And I was either in the ORIGINAL original novel, the isekai'd plot novel, the anime adaption, OR a horrifying fever dream. My memory was largely useless. But? I did remember the characters. The archetypes.

And the fact, that the author had clearly been going though a Yandere phase.

My region of the Reverse Harem collect-o-thon? Horrifying! Red flags everywhere! No one here should date, leave room for fantasy Jesus, have we considered the joys of being a NUN? Yes. Yes I HAVE thought about it.

I was pretty sure I'd never make it. End up dead or captured by some sort of Nun Yandere. Or God Yandere. Possibly both. Assuming the bandit yanderes don't get me first. It... it was very stressful, living here.

Luckily? I knew when I could leave.

Or so I thought.

Because my house? The Dukedom? Had the "yandere butler who is secretly an heir." Who starts out with loyal dog behavior. A little highly possesive master and servant play. Then rises to become a Duke. Presumably? That is when I die. Or am disowned.

Death is most likely. Since my role was "minor antagonist" and I was to be mean to the sweet, earnest, Harem possessing Protagonist. Don't see WHY I would. Live and let live. Good for her etc etc. But regardless? Best to avoid, just in case.

The problem? Who do you think Mr Illegitimate Heir serves before she gets here? The OTHER possible heirs? Of course not! They'd "oops! Hunting accident~☆" him in a heart beat. Father isn't stupid. And my sisters? Issues. Violent, violent, issues.

He ends up with ME.

Father, WHY.

Obviously, I ignore him. I see nothing. I hear nothing. There is no war in Ba Sing Se. Mmmmm, tea. Good book. Ignore his creepy staring. His creepy, creepy staring.

Thankfully? I never really ran out of Totally Legitimate reasons to send him away to learn or do something. Proper tea making. Door maintenance. Eastern embroidery. Something, anything, and off you go! Bye bye~☆!

Unfortunately. He got faster. Better and better at learning. Mastering skills. Coming BACK. Showing up to stand in the corner, silent and looming, like an omen of death. Those damn eyes. The fucking family eyes!

I don't have them. And NOT as, my Father would have me believe, because I "take after my Mother". But because I am not genetically related to the Duke. I have GOLD eyes. When I wear the right shade of green? I pass. So I am condemned to forever wear green. Don't even really like it much. But?

I am pretty damn sure? I was just... pretty.

A lovely, orphaned, golden eyed child that COULD pass as his. So why not? It was a whim that payed off. Unlike in the original stories, I imagine. Since I am by FAR the best behaved child in this entire house. Ha! Suck it, bio-kids, the adopted one's the favorite! Maybe should have been less lil bitchs.

....I carefully do not say.

Those are INSIDE thoughts.

Fuck. He's still LOOMING. Isn't he? Go awaaaaaay. Where is Protag-chan? Come be doe eyed and busty! Trip adorably! Go "kyaaa~" or something! I feel body heat and freeze. He's leaning over my shoulder to pick up the teapot, pour me another cup. I can FEEL the barest graze of his knuckles against my back, from where he's gripped my chair. The smell of his aftershave almost hauntingly pleasant.

Like he KNEW exactly what smells I liked most. Went out of his way to find one that best suited my preference. Coincidence. Please, PLEASE be a coincidence! I do not turn my head. Keep my eyes locked straight ahead. Barely breathing.

He steps back.

The new pot is sharp and herbal. Almost bitter. I force myself to drink. Can't see a sugar dish, and REFUSE to turn around and ask for one. Ignore. IGNORE. My pounding heart calms. My muscles slowly start to relax.

It... it IS weird, though, now that I think about it? That Protag-chan hasn't reached the Dukedom yet. She should have. God only knows I sent Creepy to the capital enough times, with enough highly specific instructions, that he should've had his meet cute's and dates by the dozen. Been half way in love. So... why...?

Huh.

Dizzy.

The taste of tea sits wrong on my tounge. I stop drinking as the world sways. Letting the cup fall from my hand. Splatter, roll, and shatter. I try desperately to stand. A gentle gloved hand catches my elbow, supporting me. I turn. Giddy eyes. Triumphant, wide, spring green eyes. Too green to be gold, too gold to be green.

An almost cruel, mocking, yet loving grin.

Another hand slides around my waist, braces me against his side. Gleeful little murmurs, too pleased to be reassuring. You. You did this! You DRUGGED ME!

I can barely move, body relaxing against my command, going limp, as he draws me close. Presses his face against the side of my head, against my temple. A deep, shuddering breathe, that he savors like wine. I try to pull free but can not. Feel his lips pull into a vicious grin against my skin. Hands begin to run in gentle, claiming, exploration.

And at last the drugs kick in... the wo..rld..

G..oes..

Dar..k........

[genderkoolaid]

still fucking pissed about the way im being treated by my professor. she basically told me to my face that my trans experiences & opinions were too advanced and complicated for our class, & that she had to teach them the basics...

and what exactly are those basics? cis people. cis experiences. cis opinions. this is not intersectionality. "basic feminism" should not mean white cis feminism. & i feel like she is projecting onto my classmates, many of whom seem very interested in what I have to say. one cis boy in my class even tried raising questions about nonbinary people based on those in his life, and she shut him down because she refused to understand what he was talking about. she's just fucking obsessed with her idea of feminism while trying to feel like an intersectional ally yet the minute ANYONE brings up trans people when she doesn't want them to, she throws a little fit.

just. when exactly are cis people supposed to learn about us? i am used to having to explain transness to cis people. i am willing to do that! i am willing to simplify it if need be! but cis adults & older teens can handle being challenged a little bit. in fact I'd say it's pretty healthy for them to be introduced to trans theory as part of their introduction to feminism, especially in an age where transness is a major part of the ongoing culture war. but noooo god forbid this cis woman's ego is challenged in the slightest. god forbid i have an original thought about gender that i didn't get from her fucking textbook

[kimingyuslover]

DOKYEOM FIC RECS

f*ck my thighs by @ourdawnishotterthanourday (smut, workplace!au, fluff, slight angst)

Ever since you started working at XTREMEGEAR, you’ve been hopelessly obsessed with Lee Seokmin...god damn Lee Seokmin and his fucking divine thighs. You didn’t think you’d ever stand a chance with him. But when your company forces you to go to a sports and wellness retreat with the whole HR department, you discover that you haven’t been as discreet about your little crush as you thought you were.

please sir by @starryseokmins (smut, college!au, professor!dk)

summary: you fail your favourite professors class and you make a deal with him to help you pass.

best neighbor of all time award by @drunk-on-dk (slight fluff, smut)

✦summary: Seokmin is the best neighbor you've ever had, making it impossible not to fall for his charms.

open wide by @kittyhuii (smut)

synopsis:  It's been months the last time you've been with your boyfriend since he's been on tour with the members, or in other words — it's been months since the last time you’ve gotten off with your boyfriend. Finally, after such a hectic time for your boyfriend, he takes you out for a date. You haven't even gotten out of your house yet you were already fighting unwanted thoughts upon seeing how your boyfriend was dressed. A pair of jorts that perfectly hugs his muscular pair of thighs and a polo shirt with its sleeves rolled up, accentuating his vein-covered arms. You try your best to avert your gaze and survive this date. However, your efforts will soon be in vain as your boyfriend drags you to the nearest comfort room to stuff you with something else other than food. 

tipsy by @onlyseokmins (smut)

epistolary yearning by @himbocoups (epistolary form, historical fantasy, romance | smut)

synopsis: a series of letters, speckled with notes of budding romance and longing, exchanged between a newly married couple separated by seas and the ongoing war the emperor sent his commander to end.

amanda? by @gyupinkys (smut, reader is not amanda, that's just the question dokyeom asked when he first met her)

"DK, I know you're trying to kill me."

"I have no idea what you're talking about."

crazier for you by @onewmin (smut, husband!dk)

Summary: While getting ready to your husband's work gala, you get startled by how amazingly he looks in a suit.

werewolf!seokmin by @multi-kpop-fanfics (smut)

christmas favour by @xddaengx (romance, smut, christmas, ceo!seokmin, fake dating)

🎄 Summary: You just wanted to avoid your creepy boss, you didn't know you would have to rely on an old friend to be your imaginary boyfriend.

dad!dk by @number1mingyustan (fluff, dad!dokyeom, smut drabble)

professor, who? by @sunnylovespickles (smut, fluff, college!au, professor!reader)

⋆ summary| You’re his muse, he’s your student. You’ve gotten exceptional close to Lee Seokmin, a star student in your photography class. His eye is above else’s and he’s able to recognize the inner beauty in the little things, even you. The artistry becomes stronger between the two of you, exceeding the camera’s lense. 'Through his lens, I saw myself in ways I hadn't before—strong, sensual, and beautifully imperfect.'

pediatrics department by @taeyegu (smau, fluff, angst, enemies to lovers? nurse!seokmin)

“to me, you became the one ray of sunshine that lit up my lonely hours gone by and became the promise of eternity that glitters like a jewel upon your small white palm… ” (me to you, you to me, mido and falasol)

trivia 承 : love by @viastro (enemies to lovers!au, humor, fluff, band!au)

ミ★ synopsis: who thought it was a good idea to be in a band with your sworn enemy? that’s right. absolutely no one.

memories of us by @wongyuuu (angst, fluff)

summary: every night seokmin dreams of his past lifes, when he met and fell for his soulmate countless times.

too sweet by @gyuzgrl (smut, dom!seokmin y'all....)

summary- when Jeonghan brings up BDSM at dinner, your boyfriend is keen on trying it out for himself. you laugh it off, telling him he doesn't have the stomach for it, and he decides to show you just how capable he is in bed.

[sturniolo04]

I Don't Know Why I'm Crying C.S.

Bf!Chris x Gf!Fem!Reader

A/N: If you don't like the preadded name in my stories, you can either add your own name or not read it; it's up to you :)

Having a youtuber boyfriend and bestfriends definitely had its pros and cons. You and Chris had been dating for a little over a year, which was the part of the relationship where you two have become very comfortable with pranking each other on a daily basis which has opted you both into the ongoing prank war you were currently in. Which leads you to now, sitting in front of your boyfriends desk whispering into the vlog camera, you asked nick for telling him you were pranking Chris today.

"ignore the singing in the back but-"

you trail off whispering into the camera as you fall silent in your thought hearing the shower and Chris singing along to whatever song he had playing in there with him.

"anyway so i am going to be pranking chris today by randomly crying and getting randomly sad about literally anything-"

you state into the camera in front of you making frequent shifting eye contact with the bathroom door to make sure Chris doesn't catch you in your sneaky act.

"and we have a busy day today too so this should be good but we are getting ready to meet up with Tara and film with her and then probably go to lunch before heading over to their parents house to hang out with them and Nate maybe-"

you state simply closing out your introduction to the video which ironically was going to be uploaded on the Triplets channel on Friday

A few minutes passed and by this time both and and you chris made your way upstairs to be greeted by Matt on the couch and Nick in the kitchen, both on their phones.

"good morning weirdos"

Nick greets you two panning the vlog camera that was already recording seeing that you guys were the last ones to get ready for the day given really Chris' late sleeping schedule.

"i think you mean good afternoon condsidering it is-"

Matt corrects Nick flipping his phone to the pair displaying his cute lockscreen with his girlfriend on their 5 month anniversary, making you smile a little because she was you best friend and how you two ended up dating a pair of brothers was beyond you guys.

"2:15pm in the afternoon"

matt states finishing his statement and point he was making resulting in an eyeroll from chris

"shut the fuck up dude like-"

chris replies to his brother turning on his heels making his way downstairs to the car.

We finally made it to Tara's house, all hoping in her new car her ex-boyfriend got her a few days ago, getting ready to film a video for her channel.

"hello guys welcome back to my channel today we are stuck in a car with-"

she trails off as you all scream in unison announcing your presence.

"oh my god it's the triplets and my bestie"

she exclaims reaching back and linking you guys hands.

As you all got into the main parts about Tara's video you were helping her film you decided to create the first incident which was going to essentially be the start of the random crying outbursts for the day. You allow yourself to zone out of the conversation thinking of the most tragic and sad thing you could think of to put yourself into a fit of tears.

"hey you okay"

chris whispers to you noticing how you fell super silent as he turned his head acknowledging your emotion shift, which resulting in you just nodding you head. Chris was most often times the one who always knew not only when you were upset but also would be able to acknowledge when he did something to make you upset so this was definitely going to throw him off when it is just random.

" hey what do you think about this"

Nick questions you as everyone's attention turns to you. You continuing to let yourself fall down the rabbit hole of the sad thoughts that you were making up In your mind to get you to the point of crying.

"um-"

you trail off sniffling a little feeling like the tears could start flowing at any second, running a shaky hand through the ends of your hair seeing you had already styled it for the day and god forbid you mess it up already with this prank, falling silent again.

"are you okay love"

tara finally asks as everyone's eyes remain fixated on you.

"im sorry i just"

you finally get out as the tears start rolling down your cheeks as you open the car door hopping out, walking to the nearest curb to sit on In the empty parking lot you guys were parked in, leaving everyone worried.

"what was the about"

matt asks looking a chris as if to ask if her and him got into a disagreement earlier which resulting in this mood, which resulted him in shrugging his shoulder with him honestly not knowing whats up.

"is she okay i feel bad"

tara states honestly looking out the side window to see you with your hands on your face 'sobbing' your heart out.

"chris go check on her for real"

nick states as he looks over tara's shoulder seeing you still in a fit of tears. Chris climbs out of the car making his way over to his girlfriend.

"hey my love whats going on"

he asks kneeling in front of her placing his hands comfortably on her calves.

"im fine chris"

you reply agressively wiping your tears to act like nothing is wrong, which in reality nothing is wrong.

'you dont look fine"

chris responds his pale blue orbs gazing up at your face, seeing the denial written all over your face, slowly running his palms up and down on your bare calves seeing you were wearing a sports skirt today the skirt he absolutely adored on you, which also happened to be in his favorite color, orange.

"I am it was nothing i dont know why I started crying it was so stupid"

you mumble out picking at freshly manicured nails letting out a deep sigh.

" you know you can tell me"

he replys to you maintaining his concerned/worried gaze towards you.

" i know im fine it's nothing"

you sigh out seeing you stopped the tears.

"promise"

he questions as you simply nod your head in response. You and Chris finally head back into Tara's car.

" you okay babes"

Tara asks as everyone shifts their focus back to you once you two got back in the car.

"yeah sorry it was stupid im fine we can finish filming"

you reply back as Nick makes subtle eye contact with Chris to see if he really believes everything is okay knowing how he is.

it has know been an hour or so and by this time you all had finished filming with Tara and headed to go and get lunch. You guys had ordered you food and deciding ultimately you guys wanted to eat in the van in a random parking lot. You had ordered something simple and normally when you order food it almost never comes back incorrect in quality but today your order was definitely 'incorrect' which gave you another opportunity to have another crying fit for no apparent reason to confuse your boyfriend and his brothers even more.

You let out a huge exasperated sigh, definitely catching everyone's attention.

"you okay, whats wrong"

matts asks looking at you through the rearview mirror

"nothing"

you huff out clearly still emotionally about something.

"you sure"

nick questions you noticing you simply playing with your food rather than eating it.

" did they fuck up your order"

he states asking the different question considered he noticed your simple act with your food.

"GOD yes"

you exclaim dragging the 's' out beginning to let the tears fall.

"that like never happens"

you continue to exclaim placing your head in your hands continuing to cry.

"hey its okay we can ask to get it fixed"

matt reassures you, turning in his seat as nick does the same as everyone fixates their focus on you.

"hey you dont have to cry about it whats going on with you? you have been crying pretty much all day randomly"

nick states honestly looking a Chris.

"yeah whats going on did chris do something?"

matt follows up.

"baby is it that time like you don't cry this much ever"

chris mumbles fixing his gaze on you seated next to him.

"CHRIS"

nick exclaims shcoked that was even a question that came out of his mouth exchanging a shocked looks with Matt in the front.

"what the fuck chris no"

you exclaim responding to your boyfriend almost wanting to giggle and end the prank there but continuing with the act.

"what sorry but its not like you to cry ever hour like"

chris defends running a hand through your messy hair seeing you took it down from the half up half down style you had it in earlier.

"i know"

you state simply letting a out a sigh leaning into Chris' touch.

"so do you want to get your food fixed"

nick questions you again resulting in you shaking you head 'no'.

'okay then are we ready to head over to mom and dads then"

matt asks everyone as he begins to start the car to head in that direction as everyone simultaneously agrees.

You guys finally made it to their parents house which was only about 15 minutes away from where we were earlier, standing at door waiting for someone to answer.

"you want take a nap after we say hi to everyone"

chris whispers to you resting his forehead on your temple after placing a kiss to it. You just simply nod agreeing to his ask.

"oh my goodness hi"

matt's girlfriend screams greeting them immediately jumping up in his arms, him catching her with his hands landing on her ass.

"oh my goodness hi"

he exclaims mocking her.

'i missed you"

she breathes out as she leans her forehead on his, resulting in Nick clearing his throat.

"hey there hate to break up the love fest but can yall like move out of the door way so we can come in, well so I can go see mom and dad"

nick states with a eye roll as matt's girlfriend giggles.

"nick fuck off"

matt huffs out frustrated with the simple request, resulting in his girlfriend gasping at his response to his brother, smakcing him softly on the shoulder.

"be nice and move"

she replies as matt rolls his eyes complying, proceeding to make his way into the house with his girlfriend still in his grasp into the kitchen.

"hey you guys"

marylou greets as you all entered the kitchen giving nick a hug first and continuing on with chris and you.

"hi mom"

chris mumbles out into the hug they were sharing.

"are you not going to give me a hug or just continue to hug you girlfriend"

marylou giggles out to her middle child. Matt chuckles out letting his girlfriend drop to her feet, hugging his mom.

"howdy mama"

matt finally chuckles out.

'your dad is in the living room If you guys want to go see him"

she states out simply as the boys start heading in that direction.

"hey girly pop how are you"

matts girlfriend greets you hugging you. You need to tell someone you have been pranking chris all day and not being able to tell some one was killing you.

"um so i have been pranking chris all day"

"what how so"

she exclaims quietly so they dont hear her.

" i have been crying randomly"

you giggle out.

"does not know yet when are you going to tell him"

she asks

"i am soon i think i am going to have another random burst of tears and then yeah"

you reply simply.

You guys have all made your to a quiet comfortable vibe in the living room watching some random movie Im pretty sure nick chose. Matt and his girlfriend were cuddled up on the far end of the couch while nick was sat in a chair with men and chris sharing the other end of the couch. I wasn't really interested in the movie which resulted in me being on my phone, trying to figure out when to start my next random crying outburst.

A few minutes pass from me scrolling on my phone and both Marylou and Jimmy found comfort as well in the living room. You begin to let out subtle sniffles. Chris gazes up at you seeing hie was resting his head in your lap.

"baby"

he exclaims dragging out the 'y' sitting up and catching everyone's attention as you being sobbing more uncontrollably.

"oh my goodness whats wrong sweetie"

marylou exclaims coming over sitting next to you on the couch running the palm of her hand up and down your arm as you continue to sob.

"whats wrong"

jimmy asks looking at the boys as matts girlfriend stays quiet knowing what really going on.

"i dont know she has been acting like this all day"

Chris states simply

"Nick go get her some water please"

marylou asks a he gets up pausing the movie heading into the kitchen

"breathe sweetie okay talk to me"

marylou says comforting you as you placing you head in you hands resting them on top of your knees as nick returns with your water.

"baby are you sure your not"

chris asks the same question he asked earlier as his face morphs into a confused one as you start giggling out of no where.

"what is happening"

matt asks confused.

"it was a prank you guys"

you giggle out

"what are you kidding"

nick exclaims as you look over to chris as his face drops in relief.

"we were really worried about you"

chris sighs out.

"im sorry and im sorry marylou and jimmy as well"

you giggle out as they simply chuckle along with you.

"dude i thought it was your time of month from how random you were crying"

chris chuckles out scratching the back of his head, as marylou gasps reaching over and playfully smacks the back of her youngest's head.

"chris you never ask a girl that"

his dad states chuckling.

"i know i just didnt know why she was acting like that; dad she literally cried because her food was messed up"

chris defends.

"yeahh but in all seriousness on that note I have been PMSing all day so I might start it tomorrow"

you mumble out as chris chuckles.

"see i know my girlfriend guys"

he exclaims grabbing you and resting her head on his lap with you giggling at his response.

Taglist

@mintsturniolo @dirtylittleheart333 @wh0resstuff @spicymuffins03

@aaliyahsturn @stayingstromboli

[r0ugesun]

Masterlist

Aemond

Aemond x Aegons Wife!Reader

Synopsis: Aemond unable to resist his desires for Aegons wife begins an affair with her that leads to disastrous consequences

Aemond x niece!Reader

Synopsis: Aemond’s icy demeanor softens as his playful niece, Y/n, brings joy and warmth into his life through her persistence and tender moments.

Aemond x witch!Reader

Synopsis: After a fierce battle above the gods eye, a wounded Aemond finds refuge with Y/N, a reclusive witch, who offers healing in exchange for something that will help guard the forest. They find solace amid the chaos of the ongoing war.

Aemond x Chubby!Reader

Synopsis: Aemond is in awe of his new betrothed

Aemond modern AU

Synopsis: mob boss Aemond Targaryen is mesmerized by violinist y/n at a charity gala. With a push from his right hand man Criston, Aemond steps out of his comfort zone to meet her. As their connection deepens, y/n charm and music reveal a softer side of Aemond, sparking a romance that transforms his cold exterior into heartfelt devotion.

Guilty as sin -Priest!Aemond x reader

Synopsis: Father aemond, a devoted Catholic priest, is steadfast in his vows until a beautiful new parishioner, you, begins visiting his confessional regularly. Each visit is filled with whispered confessions of sin, making it increasingly difficult for him to keep his promise of celibacy and his composure and commitment to his faith. As your confessions become more personal, Father Aeomond finds himself battling intense feelings of desire and guilt, questioning his faith and the very vows that define his life. he grapples with his sacred duty and the forbidden attraction that threatens to consume him.

Power

Synopsis: after being named prince regent Aemond decides he’d like to fuck his sweet wife on the council table

Heavy is the crown

Synopsis: In the wake of a devastating battle, Aegon succumbs to wounds inflicted by Vhagar’s fire. The mantle of kingship falls upon, a man whose icy exterior hides a turbulent soul. As Aemond ascends the Iron Throne, he is haunted by the immense guilt of having placed his beloved wife and their unborn child in the path of Rhaenyra’s wrath. His reign begins amidst the smoldering ashes of war, where every decision is shadowed by the specter of familial betrayal and impending retaliation.

Cregan stark

Running with the wolves

Synopsis: Cregan Stark, the formidable Lord of Winterfell, eagerly awaits the arrival of his new betrothed, Y/N, who has bewitched him since childhood. As winter sets in, he hopes to transform their arranged marriage into a union of love. However, Y/N arrives with her own doubts, unsure if she can return his deep affection. Will their marriage blossom into love, or remain a cold duty? Cregan is determined to show her that their bond can be more than just an obligation on their wedding night.

Addam Velaryon

Addam x wife!Reader

Synopsis: When y/n’s husband, Addam, is taken to Dragonstone and days go by without a word, she defies all obstacles to reunite with him.

Addam x Targaryen!Reader

Synopsis: Addam, betrothed to Y/n Targaryen, trains rigorously in dragon riding and High Valyrian under her guidance. As he transforms from novice to warrior, they forge a powerful bond

Jace Targaryen

In progress

[open-sketchbook]

today on i still can’t be trusted to write pornography, i decided the stupid star trek series was tapped out of dumb porn premises for now, so I started a new series, and…

- i started with ‘haha sexy post robot uprising now the hot robots keep us as brainwashed pets’ and writing a poor robot excited to get her first human. i can write some much dumb kink shit mwhahaha

- to avoid doing worldbuilding (good luck idiot) i decided the robots are extremely human and have inexplicably exactly remade late capitalism but robot. i set it in “Neo-Toronto” so i’d never be able to take it seriously (mission failed).

- whoops, almost instantly i ended up writing the viewpoint robot realizing “oh my god humans have been sapient this whole time? this isn’t right!” because Each According to Her Needs is really good and it means there’s actual drama

- big whoops this is really compelling. i wanna explore this world and the psychological aspect more! i’ll switch the viewpoint to the human for the next story! it’ll be about a runaway human so i can do hurt/comfort!

- huge fucking whoops i regret writing this as porn because i wanna show people…

- im four stories in and the sex scenes have become an annoying obligatory interruption to the worldbuilding, introspection, and struggle to do the right thing with limited resources.

- there’s an ongoing background arc about a distant imperialist war over lithium unfolding over television news snippets, frequently cited by the characters to combat the programmed conviction that the robots who overthrew humans built a utopia they are lucky to be servants in

- the last time i wrote a sex scene it was deliberately off putting and unsexy because it was actually about how the viewpoint character is being ignored in the corner and silently battling her own discomfort and inability to assert herself

- i just wrote like 3000 words of heavily allegorical nightmare sequence as the character grapples with the true existential horror of the current and seemingly eternal fate of humanity. there’s sexual imagery but only for horror as the character sees her own body as both part of, and potentially perpetuating, the endless dystopian horror her conscious mind cannot grasp due to the extremely no-longer-sexy brainwashing

- this was supposed to be porn

help me

[britcision]

Oh we like cursed Jazz content in this house

So Jazz’s gotten her degree and a nice totally safe internship at Arkham Asylum, as one does

And one day while she’s hanging in the interview room waiting for her next patient, who comes in but former fellow doctor Harleen Quinzel

Is Harley actually back at Arkham or half way through a break in? Doesn’t matter

Maybe Ivy needed a hand with a particularly well protected shady polluter

Maybe she’s breaking Killer Croc out for poker night

Maybe she’s just visiting to punch Joker in the face

What matters is the heat is on and Harley’s gonna be hanging out in this room, and here’s a cute young psychiatrist and Harley can’t resist a punch line

And Jazz Fenton? Jazz knows when she’s being played with, and she’s fought way worse than Harley

Hell, 10 minutes in she’s reminded so strongly of Danny she’s gotta call him after work

And Jazz has done her research, she knows who Harley is, and is very touched by her concern

But then there’s another rogue attack, the prison is in shambles, and it’s time for a change of plan

Harley’s happy to tell Jazz where to find an emergency buzzer and to barricade the door behind her, hoping the newbie will be safe

Cuz that works out in Arkham for sure

Before Harley can dip the door busts in, someone’s looking for a hostage and Harley’s stepping up for some more active protection of her new friend

Right up until they get shot in the face before Harley can connect and fall smoking to the floor

Jazz is no Poison Ivy, but beautiful, dangerous redheads are Harley’s kryptonite and she’s begging for Jazz’s number

Harley looks back at Jazz and her lipstick gun and oh now she’s in love

Jazz gives her the cute smile and says isn’t Harley taken, because Jazz kind of is now but they can be friends

Harley, competitive, will accept the number and demands the lucky fucker’s name cuz they’d better pray they’re good enough for Jazz

…

Three weeks later, Harley’s at the precinct with vital information about someone’s latest great caper

But she’ll only give it up to Jason Todd

(People know he’s alive only because this idea was precisely 12% funnier than Harley trying to hunt down Red Hood in Crime Alley

Harley’s a god tier psychiatrist and has known who the bats are for ages, but like fuck she’s going to Wayne Manor)

There’s been no hint that Harley was really involved and things are getting tense, but this is Harley Fucking Quinn who exists solely in places she’s not meant to be

They can’t risk not going if she might have something

So Jason, cranky about crimes, puts on his best people face and comes down to an unsurveilled (except for Bats) room to ask wtf

Harley stares him dead in the eye

“I’m gonna steal your girlfriend”

Then just drops street addresses, trap locations, and the fucking key to the warehouse crime was in

Bruce: confused but happy it worked and Harley’s still not back into major terrorism

Jason: fucking befuddled

Jazz: loves it

Ivy: fondly resigned

All other bats: never letting Jason live this down

The ongoing Harley/Hood prank war is fucking epic in proportion

Ivy and Jazz hang out whenever they’re busy and oh dear sarcastic peppy psychiatrists are also Ivy’s kryptonite

So the second Jason even vaguely upsets Jazz he is well aware she has two extremely loving lesbian moms just waiting to snatch her away

Call it Gotham Bachelorette

[alluralater]

joe biden, the president of the united states, saying that 66 US aid packages flown into gaza “isn’t enough” while having given over 6 BILLION dollars to the israeli government for weaponry and military aid, is fucking insane. it’s fucking insane. here is a man feigning tragic outcry over lack of humanitarian aid, as if he and his entire political cabinet didn’t fund genocide and the murder of tens of thousands of innocent Palestinians. as if he and his entire cabinet didn’t push mainstream media to support the plight of israel for MONTHS on end and villainize citizens in gaza simply for fucking existing. colonization and the tactics/actions of it’s oppressors and successors will continue for reasons of greed, for reasons of political interest and nothing more. no one on this earth— not a handful of fucking people in a god damn room completely removed from such violence and consequence— should ever be able to carry out this kind of act. it is not a war, it is a genocide. there is not and never will be a justification for it. it didn’t start today, it’s only just been continuing in recent months and ramped up since october.

joe biden and others in power should face criminal charges for war crimes— for genocide, for senseless slaughter and refusal to provide adequate humanitarian aid when possible. for providing weapons of mass destruction to a violent state government and knowing the genocidal intentions of that government. citizens in gaza are starving, they’re dying from exposure and/or injury, they’re in need of medical supplies and menstrual products and clean food and water, they are in dire fucking need. many are dying— being purposefully killed in horrific fashion. humanitarian efforts are being blocked by israeli military and those that are able to get through in rafa are being extorted and told they cannot cross without paying sums of thousands. palestinians attempting to flee gaza are being told they cannot unless they pay sums between five to ten thousand dollars to the Organi Group. meanwhile the bombs are still dropping and the gunfire is unceasing. there is no evacuation plan and there is nowhere else for palestinians to fucking go. they have to wait for aid and hope they can get it.

you cannot fucking cry to your constituents and feign tragedy when you were the one that paid for this genocide. fucking disgusting. i hate this goddamn country. i hate america. i hate it here. i hate this place. and still, im lucky to be here where the violence is decided rather than carried out. it’s not okay. we should not need to be grateful for lack of genocide. america is a country built on the greed and violence of opportunists. there is no justification for fucking genocide. i don’t care what you believe in or don’t. there is no reason to murder tens of thousands en masse. this needs to fucking stop. when it does, remember to hold those accountable who influenced this genocide with overwhelming resources of military, money, and media.

until then, please donate when/if you can. if you have a dollar, please give a dollar. if you have no money and only your voice- please use it. if you have time and are physically able, go to a protest. if you can’t go to a protest and you can’t donate, boycott (don’t buy from) targeted companies which are directly funding this genocide. if you can’t do that, please just don’t stop talking about it. it’s heavy and it’s a lot but we need to keep talking about it and having these conversations. history repeats otherwise

[triassictriserratops]

pls let us know your faves everlark smut fics 🙏

Hi Anon!

Given that I just did a Post Mockingjay Smut Rec List the other day. (Link here) I'm going to use this opportunity to do a Modern AU smut rec list. (spoiler alert, @katnissdoesnotfollowback WILL feature heavily. Sorry, not sorry.)

(I can also do a Canon Divergent/In Canon AU smut list if anyone is interested in that.)

Maybe Tomorrow by @katnissdoesnotfollowback

Complete 5/5

Everlark snowed in, two night stand, duck slippers, Glasses!Peeta. Shower scene. Need I say more?

🧡💚❄🐥

Come On Baby, Light My Fire by @katnissdoesnotfollowback

Complete 14/14

Oh my God, they were neighbors! Firefighter!Peeta. Teacher!Katniss. Fireman Charity Calendar. (IT'S FOR CHARITY YOU HEATHENS.) I, uh, I read it for the articles. 👀

💚🧡👨🏻‍🚒👩🏽‍🏫

Librarian!Peeta (SERIES) by Silvercistern (now an orphaned work)

Complete as 3 one-shots

I mean, COME ON. Librarian Peeta (that drives a scooter)???? Structural Welder Katniss???? My bisexual wet dream, honestly.

🧡💚📚🛵👱🏻‍♂️🏗👷🏽‍♀️

A Case of the Honeymoons (SERIES) by @katnissdoesnotfollowback

Complete 7/7 AND a one-shot

Murphy's (Smut) Law. Anything that can go dong, will go dong.

💚🧡👰🏽🤵🏼

Unmasked by @katnissdoesnotfollowback

Complete 34/34

Not modern but i'll still put it here. Period AU. Masked balls! BOOTS. Hidden identities! Marrying for money! PEETA ON A HORSE. KATNISS ON A HORSE. STABLES?????? HNGGGGGGGG

🧡💚🤵🏼👢🐎

9000 R.P.M. by @katnissdoesnotfollowback

Complete 7/7

Literally a drug for me, honestly. Just fuck me up with this. You ever want to just annihilate me? Write more of this in Peeta's POV. Would take me OUT.

Katniss Racecar Driver. Peeta Mechanic. Single Divorced Mother! Dimpled Daddy! JUST KISS YOU FUCKING MORONS, YOU'RE SO IN LOVE, AHHHHHHH.

💚🧡🏎🏁👨🏼‍🔧

Chemistry by @annieoakley1

Complete 3/3

Age Gap! Older Peeta! Younger Katniss (college)! Hot For Teacher! Former high school teacher but EVERYTHING IS LEGAL HERE.

🧡💚👨🏼‍🏫👩🏽‍🎓

Two Night Stand by @absnow

Complete 2/2

LISTEN, LISTEN, I'm a simple woman. Put my two idiots in a space together with snow outside??? I'm SAT.

💚🧡❄🏔

The Flatshare by @absnow

Complete 3/3 (Unless... 👀👀👀?)

Oh My GOD THEY WERE ROOMMATES! (Wait...were they??? I mean...kinda????) That post-it note kind of love. the CHOKEHOLD this story had on me!!!!

🧡💚📝🥯🏥

Forbidden by @annieoakley1

Complete one-shot

It's the 50s! Peeta wants Mr. Everdeen's approval. But he also wants Mr. Everdeen's daughter...

💚🧡🚗⛪

Love Is... by @annieoakley1

Complete one-shot (BLESSEDLY LONG AS FUCK ONE-SHOT.)

Everlark as childhood friends. 😭 Peeta becomes an Everdeen. 😭 Mr. Everdeen calls him "son". 😭

🧡💚🧒🏽🧒🏼

Have Your Cake and Eat It Too by @katnissdoesnotfollowback

Complete one-shot

College Besties. Happy Birthday, Peeta.

💚🧡🎂🎁

Spellbound BY @katnissdoesnotfollowback

ONGOING 36/?

This story is EVERYTHING to me. I LIVE for it. Witches Katniss and Prim? Ghost Haymitch??? War Vet Peeta remodeling a house??? BISEXUAL PEETA???? (This was actually the BIRTHPLACE of Bisexual Peeta for me. It was fucking REVELATORY.)

🧡💚🧙🏼‍♀️🧙🏽‍♀️👻🍺🎖🦿

Where the Stars Crumble to Life by @katnissdoesnotfollowback

ONGOING 8/18

FUTURE AU. Everlark in SPACE. (Well, another planet.) Criminal Peeta??? DIVORCED EVERLARK??? SCHRODINGER'S BUTTERCUP.

💚🧡✨🚀🙀❓

Outside Chance (SERIES) by @katnissdoesnotfollowback

ONGOING (all three stories, main Everlark story is 28/32)

Everlark at the Olympics. Para-snowboarder Peeta. Biathlete Katniss Childhood friends! Teenage Loves! WHAT HAPPENED?!

🧡💚🏂🏻⛷🏔🥇

[itsphoenix0724]

~WELCOME~

~Azriel x Reader~

Tonight, you sing for me- you and your mate enjoy unexpected fun in your new home when you borrow Az's shadows for the night (2.5k)

Flower Power -Az comes into contact with a strange flower on his trip to the continent, and he begins having some strange.....side effects. (3.3k)

Falling Stars -Az feels like his throat is closing when he sees you in your Starfall dress, and he can't seem to get a word out to you. At least, until you're both more than a few drinks in. (2.8k)

A Shadowed Throne -The warmer seasons have been particularly hard this year as Azriel awaits his Queen's return. When winter finally dawns he finds Death will only kneel to Life in one circumstance. (1.5k)

Can You Kill a God? -No one will ever forget why you are Death's queen ever again. (2.4k)

Tickle My Strings -Azriel becomes a regular guest at your performances, and when you take a trip back to your house, you find the two of you have a lot more in common than you thought. (4.6k)

Hold Me Gently -Azriel knew exactly what he signed up for when he became the court's spymaster, but sometimes everything gets too much for him to handle. (1.6k) Bonus Chapter!

Meet Me On The Ice: Series

You and Lucien Vanserra have been skating together since you were children, but when he has an accident that takes him out right before championships you turn to your brother and his hockey team to fill the position. His best friend Azriel has lethal grace on the ice and owes your brother a favor, which seems like a match made in heaven, except you can’t stand each other. Can you and Azriel pull a routine together in time for your competition, or will it all spiral out of control?

Dancing With Shadows: Series

Living your life with a long-distance relationship has never bothered you before, but when you surprise Az with a plane ticket you finally get to see how it works in person.

~Eris x Reader~

Your Heart on a Platter: Series

(On hiatus)

The only way to seek your revenge is to return the heir of Autumn's heart back to a witch in two months time. However, this task proves much more difficult than you presume it to be.

Prologue Part 1 Part 2

All Things Vile -A recon mission to the Autumn Court gets more heated than you intended. They say Autumn males fuck like they have fire in their veins-you guess you're about to find out.

~Cassian x Reader~

Through the Pass- On a quiet night in with his mate Cassian recounts his past lover. A fierce, bold-hearted Valkyrie who perished during the war. (2.1k)

Save A Horse- After a long hard day of work all Cas wants is a cold beer and a pretty girl. (1.9k)

~Rhysand x Reader~

Promises Pt 2-You don't argue with your husband often, and never anything as serious as this. However, some things may be too hard to come back from. (1.7k)

~REQUESTS~

Date Night (Azriel x Reader)

You Lookin'? (Azriel x Reader)

Sit down (Feyre x Reader)

Kiss Me In The Quiet (ACOTAR next-gen, Leander Vanserra x Reader)

The Fawn and Her Lion (ACOTAR next-gen, Leander Vanserra x Reader)

Forever Afterall (ACOTAR next-gen, Leander Vanserra x Reader)

Hate Me (Azriel x Reader)

~WRITING EVENTS~

Build Me A Bouquet -Ongoing

[false-savior]

funny incorrect quotes

Penny: We’ve been conducting an ongoing study to see what Juliana will and will not eat. Nemona: Grass? Yes! Penny: Moss? Yes!! Nemona: Leaves? Ohh, yes! Penny: Shoelaces? Strange but true! Nemona: Worms? Sometimes! Penny: Rocks? Usually nah. Nemona: Twigs? Usually! Penny: Arven's cooking? Inconclusive! Kieran: How did you… test this? Penny: You just hand them stuff and say ‘eat this’ and if they eat it, they eat it. Kieran: … I don’t know how to feel about this. Arven: IS THAT WHERE ALL MY SPARE SHOELACES WENT?

Nemona, about Juliana and Kieran: My god, would you two just get a room already? Kieran: Excuse me, Nemona? Nemona: You both just keep agreeing about horrifying things and relishing everybody else's misery. So seriously, when's the wedding? Juliana: … Penny: I ship it! Arven: CAN YOU NOT?

Penny: Guys… the principal just called— Nemona: It was Juliana! Juliana: It was Arven! Arven: It was Kieran! Kieran: It was me!

Nemona: Hey, let’s mess with Arven, guys! Kieran: Hey, Arven, your momma so fat- Arven: My mom committed multiple war crimes and is now locked in solitary confinement in a Bolivian prison. Juliana: Well, uh- your dad- Arven: My father left when I was two to be captured and consequentially sacrificed by a group of feral ferrets. Kieran: The fuck- Penny: Well then… Nemona: Stop, Penny! Penny: Your grandparents so- Arven: My grandmother floated into the sky like a balloon with too much helium when my grandfather spontaneously combusted. Arven: You cannot best me, mortals.

Kieran: We need more help. Maybe I should call my friends. Nemona: … Your what? Kieran: My friends. Penny: Are they saying “friends”? Arven: I think they're being sarcastic. Juliana: No, no, no, this is delirium, they've cracked from being awake all night. Hey, Kieran! All of your friends are in this room.