#i went through the five stages of grief drawing this. it was a learning experience i'll say that much | Explore Tumblr Posts and Blogs

kpophours · 4 years

Text

Sweet Night (M)

➵ Stray Kids: Bang Chan x fem. reader / one shot, college AU, camping trip AU / fluff, smut / REQUESTED

➵ warnings: slight cursing, explicit mentions of sex (slight public teasing, orgasm denial, oral: receiving, slight choking)

➵ word count: 6k (lol oops)

a/n: after a few anon requests/inquiries, I decided to write this one shot as the second part to Way to You - you can absolutely read this on its own though.

I’M WALKING ON SUNSHINE, OOOOOOH! I’M WALKING ON-

Your eyes fly open as soon as the song starts blaring from somewhere beside you, and you blindly fumble for the alarm clock, thankfully managing to find the off-switch quite quickly. This very annoying clock was a horrible yet also kinda thoughtful birthday gift from Chan’s roommates, as it’s quite possibly the loudest one on the market, meaning it is able to wake literally anyone. It could probably even wake Dracula from his deep slumber in the depths of his castle somewhere in Romania. And while Chan might not be a vampire, he isn’t one to wake easily either, so this extremely loud alarm clock was the only solution your friends had been able to come up with. Which sadly means you experience something close to a heart attack every morning - or well, at least a few times a week, as you do still spend some nights at the apartment you share with Jisung.

You fall back into the pillows, heart still racing from the sudden noise. Pale sunlight filters through the curtains and into the otherwise dark room. You groan, blinking against the rays of light hitting you straight in the face, and turn around to cuddle into your boyfriend’s broad back. He hums, only half-awake himself, and turns around to wrap both arms around you, leaving a lazy kiss on your forehead.

Suddenly, there’s a crash from somewhere in the house, and you jump. Chan sighs deeply, and murmurs “Hyunjin, probably.” under his breath - it’s no secret that his roommate is a walking disaster. You don’t answer, only pressing a soft kiss on his naked chest. “How’d you sleep?”, he asks, one hand beginning to trace gentle patterns on your bare back. “Like a rock - which was exactly what I needed after my midterms.”, you answer, and he nods. “You more than deserved that, babe. I’m really proud of you, by the way. I’m sure you aced all your exams.”, he says, and you can’t help but smile at his sweet words. You look up at him, gently cupping his cheek, and kiss him. He basically melts against you, pulling you even closer towards him, and bites down on your lower lip to slide his tongue into your mouth. Before this can end in a steamy morning make-out session, there’s a knock on Chan’s door. He groans and draws back from you, expression grumpy. “What?”, he then yells, shooting daggers towards his door. “Just wanted to make sure you’re up, we’re supposed to be leaving in an hour!”, Felix answers, sounding way too cheerful so early in the morning. “Ugh, I hate morning people. Just once I want to get up in the morning without having to go through the seven stages of grief first.”, you mumble, your warm breath tickling Chan’s neck and making him giggle and wiggle away from you. “Yeah, we’re up!”, he quickly answers Felix, who shuffles away from the door, before turning towards you again, “Wait, aren’t there only five stages of grief? What are your extra two?” “Denial part two and astral projection.”, you answer, and Chan laughs before giving you a soft smile, brushing some of your hair out of your face.

“Breakfast?”, he then asks, and you nod. “Absolutely. I need coffee, and lots of it.”, you agree, and he rolls his eyes. “I swear, by now there’s definitely coffee running through your veins instead of blood.”, Chan mumbles, before jumping out of bed to grab his underwear from the floor. You just chuckle and follow him, but can’t seem to find your bra anywhere. “What the Hell…”, you mumble under your breath, twirling around once in a desperate attempt to locate it. “Uh. Looking for this?”, Chan asks and you follow his gaze. You both burst into loud laughter when you spot your bra happily dangling from the ceiling light. “Well, we had to be very fast yesterday evening. Clothes went flying, and quite literally it seems.”, you say, lips twitching while you stand on your tiptoes to get your bra, and Chan nods in agreement. “Very fast indeed - but we couldn’t let the others begin the movie night without us! We had valid reasons.” He grins and wraps both arms around your waist to pull you close to him again, giving you a quick peck on the lips. When you want to deepen the kiss, he draws back again, expression stern. “No time for that, we have to get ready, eat breakfast and you still need to pack some of your stuff before we can leave. And we don’t want to let the others wait, right?” You sigh and pout. “No, we don’t, apparently.”, you just answer, and wiggle into your jeans and turtleneck, finally ready to leave the privacy of Chan’s room and get something to eat.

The scent of fresh coffee and pancakes greets you when you arrive downstairs, and you inhale deeply. Felix is standing in front of the stove, humming a soft tune under his breath while working on making the tower of pancakes beside him even taller. He turns around when you enter the kitchen, giving you his signature sunshine smile. “Morning, Y/N.”, he greets you, “Slept well?” You nod and peek over his shoulder. “Yup. And have I ever told you how much I love you?”, you ask, stealing a piece of pancake directly out of the pan, and Felix tries to swat your hand away before he chuckles. “Shouldn’t you say that to Chan, not to me?”, he replies, and your boyfriend, just entering the kitchen behind you, sighs deeply. “She’s an opportunist, meaning she’ll tell anyone she loves them if it means she gets what she wants, so beware. I actually rarely hear her say it to me.”, Chan says warningly, and you shoot him a dark look. “Oh shut up, that’s so not true. I tell you I love you at least once or twice a day, you needy baby.”, you grumble, and just then, Minho joins the small kitchen party. “Needy baby? You’re not talking about Hyunjin, are you?”, he asks, ruffling his crazy bed hair while filling a mug with coffee, sighing contently when he takes the first sip. You grin and shake your head, before taking a mug out of the cabinet yourself.

Said roommate also enters the kitchen just then, face looking quite puffy. You raise both eyebrows. “Did you cry yourself to sleep last night?”, you ask, and take a sip of coffee to hide your shit-eating grin. Hyunjin throws you a dark glare, and crosses both arms in front of his chest. “No. But I did have a slight mental breakdown after realizing I probably failed my last exam yesterday, so I decided to treat myself to some late-night-ramen, and now I look like this.”, he points at his face, beginning to pout, “God just hates pretty people, he’s clearly punishing me for my dashing looks.” “Or maybe he just doesn’t like narcissists.”, Jeongin offers when he enters the kitchen, shoving Minho out of the way to get to the kitchen cabinet almost overflowing with mugs. You decide it’s finally getting too crowded in the kitchen, and leave it again. You’re absolutely not a morning person, and can’t deal with the boys’ constant bickering without having experienced the positive effect of the caffeine you’re currently consuming.

Seungmin is sitting on one of the sofas, currently scrolling through Instagram and apparently trying to like every cute puppy pic in existence. “Morning.”, you greet him and take a seat beside him, peeking over his shoulder and cooing at an extremely cute baby golden retriever. Seungmin just greets you with a curt nod of his head, not being a morning person either, and keeps scrolling. Minutes later, Felix enters the living room, balancing a giant plate of fresh pancakes in front of him while all the other boys follow him like stray dogs. “What would you guys even do without Felix cooking for you all the time?”, you ask, mouth watering when you inhale the delicious smell. “Starve and die.”, Seungmin deadpans, while Jeongin answers: “We’d have to look at Hyunjin’s ugly bloated face every day because we’d solely live off ramen.” Hyunjin hits the back of his head for that, but the younger boy just shoots him his cheshire cat grin. “I mean, I could cook too, I guess.”, Chan says, frowning, and everyone bursts into loud laughter. “Wow okay, I’ll try not to take this personally…”, your boyfriend grumbles, and sits down at the dining table. You slide onto the chair next to him, and pat his thigh affectionately. “I love you, babe, but you literally didn’t know how to whisk eggs when we wanted to bake cookies last week.”, you say, and Chan sighs. “That’s... sadly fair. But I could learn!”

“No offense, but we actually like our kitchen intact - thanks for your humble offering though. If Felix should die unexpectedly, we might get back to you.”, Minho answers, and before the situation can escalate into a playful bickering battle, Felix yells “SO, WHO WANTS PANCAKES?!”, successfully managing to distract everyone.

One and a half hours later, everyone is packed and ready to go - you’ve planned this little getaway for almost two months now, everyone having finished their first round of exams at this time of year and being able to just relax for a bit. For some reason, the boys had wanted to go camping, and as you, Jisung’s girlfriend Lina and Hyunjin’s girlfriend Marie were clearly outnumbered by the boys, you hadn’t really had the chance to disagree with them. But you honestly don’t even mind, having gone camping lots of times already and just being happy to enjoy some time with your closest friends. Only Changbin won’t be able to join you guys, as he’s currently doing an internship and wasn’t able to request some time off.

Chan is just about to lock the front door to the frat house, when Jeongin zooms past you, yelling for his older roommate to wait. “I forgot something extremely important!”, he explains, almost breathless, and disappears into the house again. “What’s he getting now?”, your boyfriend wonders, and shoots you a questioning gaze. You just shrug, and let your bag fall to the ground, too lazy to hold onto it while waiting for the youngest of your group. A few minutes later, Jeongin comes back, a huge grin on his face and a giant stuffed animal in his arms. Chan blinks a few times, and opens his mouth to say something, but he gets cut off by the younger boy: “You guys can cuddle with each other, but I’d rather throw myself off a cliff than cuddle with Minho, Felix or Seungmin, whoever I’ll end up sharing a tent with. But I do wanna cuddle with someone, so Mr. Sunshine it is.”, he explains stoically, and you just nod in support. “I totally get that, plus I wouldn’t be too sure that Minho doesn’t just turn into a bat or something like that during the night. He’s at least part demon, we all know that.”, you say, and Jeongin giggles.

You’re truly prepared to give him anything whenever he smiles at you like this, his eyes almost disappearing, teeth almost blindingly bright. While you detain from squishing his cheeks, you do poke the dimple on his left one, being too endeared by him. He swats your hand away, of course he does, but you still bask in the victory of having poked his cheek. One thing to cross off your to-do-list for today.

“Okay, let’s go to the others.”, Chan finally says after locking the house, and without you having to say anything, he takes his and your bag and walks over to where the others are waiting beside the cars. Chivalry is not dead and you’re ready to swoon over your amazing boyfriend. “Okay, we still have to pick up Jisung, Lina and Marie.”, Chan says after he’s put your bags into the trunk of his car, “So, who’s gonna ride in which car?” “Well I obviously want to ride with Marie.”, Hyunjin says, a goofy smile on his face - they have been together for almost a year now, but he’s still very much extremely whipped for her, but luckily, she seems to feel the exact same way -, and Minho murmurs a sarcastic “Shocking, really.” under his breath. “I want Jisung and Lina in our car.”, you quickly say, and Chan gives you a short nod. Of course you’d say that - Jisung is your best friend after all, and you’ve grown quite close to Lina as well. You’re also good friends with Marie, but Jisung just wins this round - not that you’d ever tell that to his face, he’s too cocky as it is, no need to push his ego even more. “Then Minho, you take Hyunjin, Marie, Felix and Seungmin, and I take Y/N, Jisung, Lina and Jeongin, okay?”, Chan suggests, and everyone agrees. Five minutes later, all the bags are safely stored away and everyone has taken their seats. Being Chan’s girlfriend means you get to ride shotgun, something you’re more than thankful for, knowing how crowded the backseat is going to be once you’ve picked up Jisung and Lina. “See you in a bit!”, Felix yells through his open window, and flashes you his extremely cute gummy smile. You wave at him, immediately returning his smile, and successfully ignore Minho’s mock salute and cocky grin while he backs out of his parking spot, almost cutting Chan off.

Twenty minutes later, Jisung and Lina are squished into the backseat with Jeongin, all three having bright smiles on their faces. “Road trip, whoop!”, Jisung yells and gives you a high five, “Happy to have a few days with y’all before we have to face the sad reality of probably having failed most of our exams!” Lina beside him rolls her eyes. “Stop being so dramatic, I’m sure most of us will have aced everything.”, she says, and Jisung wraps his arm around her and kisses her temple. “Sorry, but I have literally only one functioning brain cell and I use it to overthink.”, he explains, yelping when she playfully tickles his side. You chuckle at their bickering, and hit play on your road trip playlist - a second later, Queen’s Bohemian Rhapsody fills the car, all of you immediately beginning to sing along. “LET’S GO!”, Chan yells over the sad attempts of everyone trying to imitate Freddy Mercury, and backs out of the parking lot. You smile and interlace your fingers with his. He cheekily returns your smile, and raises your intertwined hands to his lips to press a soft kiss against your knuckles. Over a year of being with him, but you still swoon over this simple yet sweet gesture. Yes, you’re just that whipped for your boyfriend, and what about it.

It doesn’t take long for you guys to arrive on the interstate, you and Jisung trying to trump each other's impressions of Beyoncé singing Single Ladies (and failing miserably, sorry Queen B). Your belly almost hurts from laughing with your friends, and you can’t wait for the rest of the weekend to begin.

Minho’s car arrives before Chan’s, and of course he’s gloating about it the second you guys join forces again. But you can let him have this small victory, and decide to just ignore him for now, helping Chan get the bags out of his car and to the campsite. It’s quite cold, the air crisp now that the sun is slowly beginning to set again, but you brought lots of blankets and sleeping bags, so you should be fine. And at least the weather means there aren’t any other campers here right now, so you have the whole area, including the washing rooms, to yourselves, which is nice.

Setting up camp takes longer than anticipated, mostly because Jisung somehow manages to crash into his and Lina’s almost finished tent twice, which means they have to start from the very beginning again. She truly has the patience of a saint, simply smacking him over the head rather playfully before picking up the sad remains of their tent to begin the whole building process again. Chan and you, having gone camping lots of times already, are quickest with finishing your tent, so afterwards you offer to help Jisung and Lina with theirs, while Chan does the same for Minho and Jeongin. Marie, an experienced scout, has set up hers and Hyunjin’s tent in record time as well, and takes pity on Felix and Seungmin, quickly building the tent for them. After an hour, your camp has successfully been built, and everyone begins to search for firewood.

Felix decides to make a giant pot of spicy chili sin carne for tonight’s dinner, and as soon as all the plates are filled, your conversations slowly dwindle down, everyone too busy with eating. “Lix, you’re a cooking genius, Gordon Ramsey found jobless.”, Marie says around a mouthful of chili, giving the blonde boy a bright smile and the thumbs up. He waves her compliment aside, blushing profoundly. “Thanks, but it’s honestly not that difficult - you just have to follow the recipe, if you’re too scared to improvise.”, he murmurs, and she throws a small piece of kindling at him. “You should really learn how to take compliments.”, she teases playfully, and he shrugs. “Okay, okay, I’m the best cook ever.”, he says sarcastically, and Minho raises one eyebrow. “Whoa, now don’t get ahead of yourself.”, he replies, and Felix smacks him over the head. “You can’t cook at all, so for once, you should just stay quiet.”, you say, and Minho sighs dramatically. “What can I say… We all have our weaknesses. I, for example, am extremely good-looking and tragically funny.”

You almost choke on your chili because of his audacity, and lift your fork in front of your face, staring through it and at Minho, who just frowns at you. “What are you doing? Why are you looking at me through your fork?”, he asks, obviously confused by your behavior, and you give him a lopsided smile. “I’m pretending you’re in jail, it’s spiritually healing.”, you explain, and Chan beside you bursts into laughter, the others following him quickly. Minho begins to pout and sticks out his tongue at you, always the mature one. “It’s okay if you don’t enjoy my dashing looks and hilarious humor, not everyone has good taste. That’s why you picked Chan over me after all.”, he claims, and you answer by throwing a piece of wood his way, making him squeal and dive for cover. Just then, the flames of your fire flicker and slowly begin to die down. Seungmin, Jeongin and Hyunjin stand up to go get some more firewood, but somehow, the latter one’s shoe gets caught between two logs and with a loud yelp, he tumbles to the ground. “What the Hell is he doing?!”, Chan groans, and Jeongin deadpans “Sadly his best.”, before he begins walking over towards his friend to help him, but Marie is faster, already dragging her boyfriend up from the ground with tears of laughter in her eyes. Hyunjin’s cheeks are red from embarrassment and he murmurs something about nature being out to get him, before he, Marie and the other two boys disappear into the forest to get more firewood.

The rest of the evening is filled with playful banter, soft guitar music from Jisung, and funny childhood stories. Lina soon begins to nod off, her head resting on her boyfriend’s shoulder while he continues to strum a soft tune on his guitar, humming along. When he notices his girlfriend is about to wander into Morpheus’ realm though, he’s quick to place the guitar back into its bag, and wraps both arms around her. “I think it’s time for us to retire, huh?”, he says, leaving a gentle kiss on Lina’s forehead. She blinks sleepily, and smiles up at him. “It’s pretty safe to assume that at any given moment, I want to go back to sleep - so yes, I agree, time to retire.”, she answers, and Jisung chuckles, before standing up to declare: “Well, we’re off to bed now!” Minho and Seungmin boo immediately, while Jeongin murmurs something like “Old people” under his breath - even though he’s literally only one year younger than most of you guys.

“So, as I’m legally required to kiss my homies goodnight, y’all getting some smooches!”, Jisung says, already walking towards where Hyunjin and Marie are sitting, bodies entangled and breaths mingling. Hyunjin looks up and shoots his friend a murderous look. “I swear, if you kiss me, I’m going to dump you into the river.”, he threatens, but Jisung just grins. “How about you dump your girlfriend instead and run away with me? We’d make such a pretty couple.”, he says, making Hyunjin roll his eyes. “Bro, no offense, but I’d be the pretty one in this relationship, and while everyone can clearly see you already have quite the experience being the ugly one in a relationship” with that, Hyunjin first points at Jisung and then at Lina, who bursts out laughing, “I don’t think I’m ready to hear your constant whining about my face being prettier than yours. So thanks, but no thanks, I’ll stay with Marie.” “Wow, I feel so honored and loved right now, babe.”, Marie says sarcastically, “But does this mean you think you’re the pretty one in this relationship as well?” Hyunjin goes into instant panic mode, quickly reassuring his girlfriend that she’s far prettier than him, while she tries to keep a stern expression on her face, but everyone can clearly see the way her lips twitch. She just loves teasing Hyunjin, and you honestly can’t blame her for that, especially not when it’s just so easy.

“Okay, goodnight, then!”, Lina interrupts their playful bickering, and gives everyone a soft smile, before dragging Jisung towards their tent. Everyone wishes them a good night and sweet dreams as well, and then Seungmin clears his throat. “Time for some ghost stories, don’t you think?”, he says, voice low and grin almost evil when his eyes find Hyunjin, who immediately falls silent. Everyone knows he’s a huge scaredy cat, which is quite funny seeing as his own girlfriend is a big fan of horror movies and stories. Truly a match made in Heaven. Seungmin just raises one eyebrow, expression challenging - but when no one contradicts him, he begins to tell his first ghost story.

It doesn’t take long until Hyunjin is pretty much sitting on Marie’s lap, shooting daggers at his friend while his girlfriend is trying very hard not to laugh at him. You yourself cuddle closer to your own boyfriend, smiling when he presses a soft kiss against your temple. Your eyes rest on the big bonfire, following some sparks drifting into the dark night sky from time to time, and you sigh contently. This, right here, is your happy place - in the midst of your friends, just laughing and joking with them, not a care in the world. Midterms lie behind you, and you’re currently not even thinking about your grades for once, your anxiety at rest. This trip was truly a great idea, maybe even Jisung’s best one so far.

“Okay, wanna hear a really creepy one-”, Seungmin begins, and Hyunjin has finally had enough, standing up and taking Marie’s hand into his. “Well, goodnight!”, he says, a determined expression on his face, and pulls his girlfriend towards their tent. Marie suppresses an amused smile at her boyfriend’s dramatics, and waves at everyone, before following him inside the tent. Seungmin just grins evilly and shrugs. “He’s so soft hearted.”, he then says, and leans back, obviously content with his work. “Okay, maybe it’s three demons, not only two.”, you murmur into Chan’s ear, and he chuckles. You’re always joking about Minho and Hyunjin being demons, as they’re constantly testing your nerves by just being themselves, plus they were definitely the main plotters behind the plan to get you and Chan together - not that you’re complaining about it as their plan had worked pretty perfectly and in your favor. “In the end you’ll probably find that I live with six demons.”, your boyfriend murmurs, and begins to play with your fingers. You shake your head. “Oh no, Felix is definitely an angel, not a demon.”, you disagree, and Chan nods. “Okay, that’s true. The others though… Well, time will tell, I guess.” “Or holy water.” He just laughs and gives you a quick peck on the lips. When you want to deepen the kiss, he draws back. “Later.”, he murmurs against your lips, his deep voice rumbling in his chest, and you shiver involuntarily. He grins at your reaction, before turning his attention to Seungmin’s new ghost story again.

You on the other hand feel hot and bothered all of the sudden, and decide to tease your boyfriend a bit. So you place your hand on his thigh, not moving it for some time, until you slowly slide it higher, bit by bit. At first, Chan doesn’t seem to notice or care, until you’re getting dangerously close to his crotch. Then, he quickly leans forward so the others can’t see what you’re doing, and glares at you. “What are you doing?”, he asks, voice low, and you smile innocently. “Nothing.”, you answer, and have finally reached your desired destination, slowly beginning to palm his semi over his jeans. “How about you be a good girl and stop?”, he breathes out, but you know he doesn’t actually want you to stop - you know him well enough for that by now. Still, you decide to play along. “Oh, I’ll gladly be your good girl.”, you whisper, and quickly withdraw your hand. He groans at your words and the sudden lack of contact, and locks eyes with you. “Tent. Now.”, he grits out, and stands up, pulling you with him and hugging you from behind so your body hides his erection from the others. “We’re tired too, so goodnight!”, he says in a fake cheerful voice, and you have to hide your shit-eating grin while innocently waving at the others. “Oh you’re in so much trouble now, babe.”, Chan murmurs into your ear while you walk towards your tent, and bites down on your lobe. You feel arousal gather between your legs, stomach jolting at his words. You and Chan have a very playful relationship, full of bantering and loving jokes, and your dynamic in the bedroom isn’t that different - there’s a lot of bickering too, you being a total brat at times, while he’s more on the dominant side, enjoying making you obedient.

As soon as he closes the tent behind you and turns around to watch you with an almost predatory gaze, you know you might have been a bit too forward at the bonfire. But it’s too late to back down now, so you simply raise both eyebrows, a challenging expression on your face. “So you think touching me like that in front of our friends is okay?”, Chan asks, his voice low and dark. You tilt your head to one side. “I mean, you didn’t seem opposed to it, to be honest.”, you answer, and now he’s the one to lift both eyebrows. “I want you out of your clothes, now.”, your boyfriend orders, and for once, you follow his command immediately, knowing this is for your own good this time. So you quickly wiggle out of your jeans and take off your jumper, shivering in the cold night air. Only left in your panties and bra, Chan smirks to himself, before crawling over your body and beginning to kiss you slowly. You gasp into his mouth when one of his warm hands finds your waist, drawing lazy circles against it, before traveling higher to cup your breast over your bra. His thumb rubs over your clothed nipple before pinching it, hard, and you arch your back, breath hitching.

“So, let’s see how quiet you can stay while I eat you out, hm? Remember, the walls of the tent are too thin to mask any noises.”, Chan whispers against your lips, before he suddenly descends down your body. Oh no, you know you’re screwed. He’ll try to make you scream his name, but while you’re quite open about sex and have no problem talking about it with your friends, you definitely don’t need them to hear you during the actual act. Maybe you shouldn’t have teased your boyfriend after all - but it’s too late now, he’s determined. He spreads your legs, and begins to leave soft love bites on the inside of your thighs. You’re trembling already, and it’s not because of the cold alone. Chan always has this effect on you, no matter how often he touches you - you’ll never get used to it. He plays with the hem of your panties, until he finally drags them down your legs, his warm breath hitting your wet core. You begin to squirm, impatient to have him finally touch you where you need him most. He smacks your thigh, the crack resounding through the tent, and you yelp. “Chan.”, you hiss, and he grins cheekily, before suddenly pressing his thumb to your clit, beginning to draw lazy circles against it. Your eyes roll into the back of your head and you clamp one hand over your mouth to mask any noises.

Chan soon replaces his thumb with his mouth, sucking on your clit like his life depends on it while simultaneously sliding two fingers inside your heat. A loud moan tears from your lips and you bite the inside of your cheek, trying to stifle your noises but already failing miserably. You feel Chan smirk against you, and then, he slips a third finger inside you, curling them upwards and picking up the pace. You buck your hips against his gentle ministrations, skin feeling too hot and too tight already, goosebumps rising all over your body. It doesn’t take long until you begin to tremble, your high approaching rather quickly, and you’re this close to finally snapping, when Chan draws back from your core, face glistening with your juices, his smirk almost devilish. “I can’t hear you, babe, are you even enjoying this?”, he murmurs, back to drawing lazy patterns on your clit with his thumb. You feel frustration wash over you, and shoot him a dark glare. His grin gets even wider, before he completely withdraws his hand from your heat to suck on his glistening fingers. You close your eyes for a few seconds, trying to gather your wits, until Chan slaps your thigh again. “Look at me, baby.”, he says, voice dark, and your eyes snap open again. You begin to pout. “Please.”, you mumble, trying your best to appeal to his softer side, “I’m sorry I was a brat earlier. You know I can’t be loud or the others might hear us.” Your boyfriend just hums, hands ghosting over your thighs and leaving goosebumps in their wake. “Too bad, I guess you can’t cum tonight then.” And before you’re able to reply anything, he dives back in-between your folds.

You throw one arm over your mouth, and bite your own soft flesh to suppress any noises. It takes little to no time until you’re close to your orgasm again, but for the second time tonight, Chan draws back in the last possible second. You’re almost ready to cry with frustration now, eyes glistening with unshed tears. When your boyfriend sees this, he softens a bit and leans towards you to press a gentle kiss to your lips. “This is what you get for being a brat.”, he murmurs, and you bite down on his lower lip, making him groan into your mouth. “Please.”, you whisper and try your best puppy eyes on him. He just smirks again, finally ridding himself off his shirt, jeans and underwear. When he’s fully naked in front of you, you sigh, eyes raking his beautiful, defined body. Unlike you, Chan actually enjoys going to the gym - and his effort pays off. “Stop drooling.”, he says, sounding way too pleased and cocky in your opinion. So you quickly sit up, and wrap one hand around his hard cock, already leaking with pre-cum. Good to see you’re not the only one being affected by this, you think and grin. You begin to slowly jerk him off, spreading the pre-cum over the rest of his cock as lube. He groans, lower lip pulled back between his teeth and eyes almost black with desire. Finally, he’s had enough, and pushes you on your back again, hovering over you. “There’s condoms in the bag behind you.”, he murmurs, leaving gentle kisses on your neck until he finds your sweet spot, beginning to suck on it. You moan almost inaudible, fingers fumbling for said bag to retrieve a condom.

Just seconds later, Chan rolls it over his cock, and then, he aligns himself in front of your wet core, teasingly rubbing your clit before you shoot him a pleading look. He finally sheathes himself into you with one swift motion, and you both moan out loud at the feeling. You quickly cough to cover the noise, making Chan chuckle and press a kiss against your forehead. “You’re okay?”, he asks, and you nod, biting down on his neck and leaving a hickey. He groans and finally begins to move, pulling almost all the way out before slamming back into you, immediately hitting that spot. Your fingers wrap around his biceps, needing something to hold onto while he drills into you. Suddenly, he pulls out of you to sit back on his knees, wrapping your legs around his hips, and thrusts back into you at an even deeper angle, simultaneously picking up the pace. One of his hands snakes towards your neck and he wraps his fingers around the base of your throat, using just enough pressure to make breathing harder for you. When his thumb begins to circle your clit again, you close your eyes, clamping one hand over your mouth to mask your almost obscene noises.

“C-Chan, I’m so c-close.”, you say in between two moans, and he grins, murmuring a “That’s my girl” under his breath before deepening the angle even more. He suddenly pinches your clit once, and that’s all it takes for you to finally tumble over the edge, his name leaving your lips maybe a bit too loud this time. He quickly leans forward to seal your mouth with his, chasing his own high while guiding you through yours. Not long after, he groans and presses his forehead against yours, shuddering a bit while releasing into the condom. He stills inside you, both your breaths mingling, hearts beating fast while you try to come down from your high. Chan smiles, brushing some of your hair out of your face, and gives you a soft, sweet kiss. “I love you.”, he murmurs, and you return his smile. “Love you more.”, you whisper back, and he chuckles. “Impossible.”

Before you can begin to playfully argue, Minho’s voice cuts through the night “Next time we’ll build the tents far away from each other, y’all are nasty for doing it with us sitting almost right next you.” Both you and Chan freeze, before you burst out laughing. “WE HAVE ZERO REGRETS.”, you yell back, hearing the others groan. “WELL, YOU REALLY SHOULD THOUGH!”, Jisung complains from somewhere to your left, and you hear Lina starting to giggle. You groan and bury your face into Chan’s neck. “They’ll never let us hear the end of this, will they.”, you murmur against his soft skin, and he shakes his head. “Nope.” You sigh and lean back. “Well, it was still worth it.”, you say, and grin up at him. Your boyfriend just smirks and leans down to kiss you again. “Oh, definitely.”

[masterlist] | [requests]

263 notes · View notes

vanessakirbyfans · 4 years

Link

There’s a singular vision that director Kornél Mundruczó had in constructing “Pieces of a Woman,” and he had the full trust of his actors, particularly Vanessa Kirby and Ellen Burstyn. The film had its world premiere at the Venice International Film Festival where Kirby won the Volpi Cup for best actress. Just ahead of its Venice bow, Oscar-winner Martin Scorsese joined the film as an executive producer.

The phrase “it’s difficult to watch” is often spoken in various cinephile circles when referring to dour, less-than-pleasant movie experiences. I can recall having those same conversations around films like “Requiem for a Dream” and “Son of Saul.” Similar words have been uttered about Mundruczó’s portrait of loss and grief.

The role of Martha, a woman whose home birth ends in an unfathomable tragedy, demanded a lot of the 32-year-old Kirby. She’s received rave reviews for her performance, planting herself near the forefront of this year’s best actress race.

Burstyn has been a staple of the cinematic industry for more than five decades. She’s managed six Oscar nominations over her career, winning best actress for Scorsese’s “Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore” from 1974. Her passion and vigor for her craft is as clear as any thespian working today. When discussing her character Elizabeth, and her daughter Martha, who is a third-generation Holocaust survivor, drawn from screenwriter Kata Wéber’s own family experience, she becomes visibly emotional.

“Pieces of a Woman” marks the English-language debut for Mundruczó, who gained a passionate following with his breakout film “White God.”

On Thursday evening, in collaboration with the American Film Institute, Netflix will be hosting a screening with industry professionals, critics, journalists and Academy members.

Variety sat down with both Kirby and Burstyn prior to the screening.

You have had an incredible career, and are still working consistently. Do you have a method to choosing roles at this point in your profession?

Ellen Burstyn: Whenever I’m asked a question like that, I have the impression that people feel I get a million offers and I pick my favorite and that’s not quite true. I don’t have to turn down many films. If I like the director, writers and the actors, I’m prone to take it because in fact, there aren’t many roles written for a woman of my age. So when I get one, I’m usually very happy to get it.

In this case, I saw “White God,” Kornel’s film, and I adored that film. And I have seen Vanessa [Kirby] play Princess Margaret [on “The Crown”] and I don’t watch television very much. When I saw Vanessa, I went “who’s that?” I could see right away she was a special, really accomplished, talented actress. Unusually talented. I was very impressed with her. So when I have a filmmaker I like, a script I like, and an actress like Vanessa where I get to play her mother. It’s a win-win-win situation. That doesn’t happen very often. The roles that are written for a woman my age aren’t plentiful.

This role demands a lot of you, not just as an actress, but as a human. Can you talk about your experience filming?

Vanessa Kirby: Well, firstly, Ellen is one of my heroes. I was so excited that she agreed to do it. She’s always had this trailblazing fire in all of her performances. I so looked up to that, like Gena Rowlands, the same kind of dynamism. I’m so happy to have her in my life now and she’s someone I love very deeply.

How demanding it was on paper, and the idea of knowing that I would need to understand, and go into the psychology of that level of grief, while trying to honor all of the women that I spoke to, and that went through similar things, it felt like a responsibility. I’m always looking for something that scares me and that is seemingly insurmountable, and that alone was the birth because I haven’t given birth myself. I knew I owed to women to try to portray as true-to-life as possible. I was very lucky to watch someone do it for real, which helped me incomparably and I wouldn’t have known how to do it without her giving me the gift of allowing me to be there with her.

The 23-minute one-shot sequence of you giving birth is incredible. How many takes did you do and can you talk about that experience?

Kirby: The actual filming of it was just exhilarating. It was the best film experience of my life. We did four takes the first day and two the second day. I think Kornel used the fourth one. It was like doing a play. Shia is also a real theater animal, so is Ellen, and we all understood what it would require. It was exciting setting up, preparing and then launching into it freefall. And then at the end, to slowly missing word? Out of it – taking a long time to come out of it – and then reset everything. We would blast music around the house and dance around the house just to clear what had happened. By the end of it, your psyche does know any different and you feel like you actually went through this.

Your character is deeply flawed but with a lot of love for her daughter. Did you draw on anything from your own life as screenwriter Kata Weber did?

Burstyn: I always draw from personal experiences. It’s just part of what we do. I don’t know how to not do that. She’s a funny type of character [Elizabeth]. The story Kata wrote about how she was born, with the Holocaust aspect of the film, is from Kata’s family. The idea of being held upside down by your feet and the doctor saying that if she picks up her head, she’ll survive. That’s such a…deeply moving concept how one comes into the world. With the will to live, despite the frail condition of the body. It’s so moving to me. It explains so much about her character and her drive forward. That wonderful introduction of the character that Kata wrote. It’s kind of a pathetic version of whatever it is, make it better, go for it, do it. Don’t be satisfied with blandness. I think she’s a very strong character despite her limitations. She’s not in tune with her daughter but sometimes mothers aren’t.

Talk about Kornel’s vision of the film and how it compares to other directors you have worked with in the past.

Kirby: I knew that the film would be special. I always feel like his movies have a lot of soul and I love movies that have lots of soul. I knew that this was a personal story for Kornel and Kata. He had such a clear vision, and it’s so relaxing when someone has it. He had such a burning vision of Martha and needing that story to be told. It’s not about the loss of a baby, it’s more of a character study of someone that this happens to. How someone reacts to trauma and how individual grief is and he allowed me to really shape that. I felt a lot of respect and trust because of that. It was really profound collaboration.

Burstyn: I just feel his sense of sensitivity and is such a dear human being. Kind and a visionary. I felt like he allowed me to give what I had to give. I never felt interfered with. Sometimes directors come up with an idea and they say “maybe she does xyz” and you say “what?” I deeply fond of him.

If nominated, Ellen Burstyn you will set a record as the oldest acting nominee ever at 88 years and 98 days old on nomination day. How does that feel?

Burstyn: That’s a wonderful thing. I actually have a strong desire to be the oldest person ever nominated. That’s an encouraging thing for me to say to the women of the world, keep on trucking, as long as you can. Don’t give up, don’t retire, don’t sit back and say “well I guess it’s over,” it’s not over, until you declare it’s over. I pray that I get to be that example.

Ann Roth, the costume designer for “Ma Rainey’s Black Bottom,” also a Netflix feature, who if she’s nominated, she will be oldest nominee, of any category, at 90.

Burstyn: I’m jealous.

How do you feel about the reviews you are receiving and the possibility of being in the awards conversation?

Kirby: The film felt so much bigger than any of us. This is a subject about neonatal death. The women I spoke that had stillbirths and multiple miscarriages and it’s still a subject that’s really hard to talk about. The fact that you’re saying this conversation is happening around this [film], that means so much to me. If that means that a few more people watch it or more conversations start happening, and that was everyone’s intention with it. The best moments of my working life was doing that birth. It’s hard to articulate. I’m unbelievably grateful and touched that it’s for this film. It’s my first lead role too and I knew I that was ready. I waited a long time. I watched other people do it and I absorbed everything and felt really ready.

Burstyn: Honey, you’re a glowing example of what a fine actress is. You studied well and you came up the right way on the stage, which as far as I’m concerned, everybody who ever wants to be an actress should learn what is on the stage. You’re an absolute glory as an actress, and as a person I might add.

I wish you were my mother.

Burstyn: I can’t tell you how many people say that to me. After “Alice Doesn’t Live Here Anymore,” I became some type of archetypal mother that people never had and wish they did.

“Pieces of a Woman” will stream on Netflix on Jan. 7.

#Vanessa Kirby #Pieces of a Woman #Ellen Burstyn #Interview #Articles

3 notes · View notes

fandomthoughts · 6 years

Text

Saw Julius Caesar at the Bridge Theatre Three Times, and met Ben Whishaw. My review.

The new Bridge Theatre is beautiful. The interior is reminiscent of the candles from the Great Hall at Hogwarts, and there’s a good collection of bites that you can order -- from raw vegetables (sardines, organic carrots, and organic turnips is one dish) to an order of half-a-dozen freshly-baked madeleines. And walking out the doors, you’re immediately confronted with an intimate view of Tower Bridge.

I had standing “mob” tickets to see Julius Caesar, and was only supposed to go see it once. However, I happened to be free the night before, and decided to treat myself. I’m glad I did, because I discovered there are “good” and “bad” spots to be standing -- especially for someone who isn’t very tall.

SPOILERS BELOW

For example, if you want to be witness to both David Calder (Caesar) and Ben Whishaw (Brutus)’s expressions during the stand-off right before “Et tu, Brute?”, a good spot is near the side of the raised platform close to Ceasar’s throne. (Incidentally, it’s also a good place to get splattered with a little stage blood.)

If you want to get a good view of the final confrontation between Brutus and Lucius, don’t stand right near the collection of jumbled trench metal that’s part of the war staging; you’ll only be able to see the actors’ backs.

If you want to get a good view of Brutus and Cassius’ confrontation during the stress of war, a good side to be is at the far end (where Caesar’s throne used to be), not at the side closer to the entrances.

For the record, the stage management crew did an excellent job squeezing amongst the crowd and shuffling everyone around. Platforms fell and raised themselves; new rugs and desks and sofas appeared seemingly out of thin air. When the jagged trench metal appeared to divide the stage during the battle scenes, I was shouted at “Do you want to die?” as an incentive to get out of the way. Stage crew discreetly and expertly handed out at least two or three different types of posters that members of the crowd raised at appropriate key moments of the play, which was impressive to see from the vantage point of the gallery seats, and I know this because --

Ah, yes. Later, I went back a third time and watched the performance from the seats. :)

If it’s at all possible, I would recommend both ticket types.

From the “mob,” nothing can beat the experience of:

A) watching the actors’ expressions up close, meters away

B) watching David Calder, Michelle Fairley (a most excellent Cassius), and Ben Whishaw spit at each other as part of their passionate enunciation, and hoping not to get in the way of the spittle. (I forgot this was a thing!)

C) I will say again: watching the actors’ expressions up close.

However, there were a few things that I missed from the vantage point of the mob. Until I was in the seats, I didn’t realize that there was an actual jeep that drove out in the last scene, and I didn’t notice the "fire” burning near the entrance. From the seats, I was also able to notice better the stage changes -- such as the actors rushing to throw furniture into a crate on the cusp of the last stage change.

Watching Ben Whishaw live

This was my first time seeing Ben Whishaw act live. Most notably, I saw in Brutus echoes of Richard II from The Hollow Crown (his head shake) and his character from Lilting (his expression of sudden grief mourning Portia’s death). Also noticed the darting eyes and rippling of emotion during Lucius’ guitar song, reminiscent of at least some notable scenes from London Spy and the monologue in Queers.

Struck me how practiced acting can be (like the darting eyes), though of course it takes skill to make it look natural.

I heard one commentator say that Ben Whishaw gave a masterclass in acting, and I am tempted to agree based on his micro-expressions and micro-movements. Randomly, I remember one particular scene where he tapped someone naturally on the shoulder, when all the other actors were standing still.

On the rest of the cast

Michelle Fairley and Adjoa Andoh gave very strong performances as Cassius and Casca.

Cassius felt like the lead of the play, and a little like Cassandra: she had the wisest ideas, but everyone listened to the ineffectual, overly intellectual Brutus over her.

David Morrissey played a convincing populist Mark Antony.

Adjoa Andoh as Casca had fewer lines than the leads, but delivered arguably the best (snarkiest) lines and was able to draw out a reaction from the audience every time.

David Calder played a believably old/retiring Caesar lured by the temptation of the crown.

Abe Popoola played Trebonius, one of the conspirators. Most notably, he was the lead singer in the band playing at the beginning of the show. He’s a damn good singer.

Leaphia Darko played a believably hurt Portia, wife of Brutus, who had the challenging task of going through a wide range of emotions in one short scene.

Wendy Kweh played a believable (though tragic) Calpurnia, wife of Caesar. It was also very cool seeing her as one of the soldiers in Brutus’ army.

Fred Fergus, who played Lucius, played an absolutely beautiful yet sleepy cover of Nick Drake’s Day is Done. It was short, but I thought it better than the original.

Kit Young I did not realize was Octavius until the very end, but he did a great job.

Sid Sagar was great as various characters. (Also: was he Cinna the Poet? I couldn’t tell.)

Hannah Stokely and Rosie Ede both had impressive stage voices.

END OF SPOILERS

I discovered Ben Whishaw rather recently; half a year ago, I fell and tripped into the James Bond fandom, and suddenly found myself a fan too of the actor who played Q, for:

A) his expressiveness/ability to emote, and

B) how he’s come across in the interviews over the years -- not as a typically gregarious actor, but as a more relatable person who’s a little awkward in interviews, and has been described by interviewers as closed-off. (Imagine that: a shy actor! Okay, I don’t believe for a minute that this 30-something-year-old actor is actually shy now, but my point is that his ability to transform himself in performances is inspiring.)

Was also inspiring to learn that Ben Whishaw’s breakthrough performance of Hamlet in 2004 inspired other now-arguably-more-famous actors to follow in his footsteps, from Kit Harrington to Eddie Redmayne to Joe Alwyn.

Meeting a favourite actor in person

There was a small roar of excited chatter when Ben Whishaw stepped out, and all at once he was surrounded by a crowd of people asking for signatures and photos. Many of them were young women.

It was interesting to see the discrepancy: a few of the other actors (not the leads) were also there, and people walked up to them, but they didn’t get nearly as much attention. A couple of the actors looked as if they were there for moral support or waiting for him to finish so they could get a drink all together later.

Clearly, Ben has many fans. Then I heard one young man ask him about hearing that he had been having trouble memorizing lines for this play (which made me cringe a little -- what a question to ask), which he refuted.

More pens borrowed, more photos taken.

To be honest, I felt a little bad: the actor looked pretty tired in the middle of one group conversation, and wasn’t making eye contact with some immediate people waiting to meet him nearby.

What does one say to a favourite actor? To a celebrity?

When I eventually got the chance to approach, I admitted that I was a fan, told him that I was looking forward to his future work, and thanked him for being a wonderful performer. Felt weird to ask for an autograph or photo, so I left it at that.

Last Thoughts

Seeing Julius Caesar three times underscored the impressive amount of repetitive work put into the production every time -- five or six days a week for twelve weeks, sometimes with two performances a day.

What a fun production it must be to be a part of. I envy the cast!

#ben whishaw #julius caesar #bridge theatre #london #actors #michelle fairley #theatre #review #david calder #david morrissey #adjoa andoh #q

178 notes · View notes

personas-against-antis · 6 years

Text

My experience with anti-ism and back

Inspired by @huntypastellance's interviews with ex-antis, I decided to post my own story of how I became an anti and how I got out.

My inbox and messages are open in case anyone has any questions or wants to say anything.

Apologies for any typos, my typing is not the greatest.

Names have been changed to protect my friends’ privacy and to prevent certain antis mentioned from coming after me again.

Where It All Started

So back in middle school I fell in love with an anime called Hetalia, about the interactions between anthropomorphized versions of various countries. I had been in fandom for a while (my first big fandom was Sonic, but that was before antis went mainstream), and I was a pretty big follower of "don't like, don't read/look". When I joined, I immediately latched on to the ship AmeCan, or America/Canada.

They were cute and it was my OTP for a long time. The only problem with AmeCan is that, by a large majority of the fandom, America and Canada were considered brothers. I personally didn't see them that way, I saw them as adopted brothers at most, and I was always pretty squicked out by shippy fanfics that depicted them as biological brothers. The ship itself was still pretty big in that fandom, so I ignored the haters and immersed myself in fanart and fanfic.

I met a girl at my school (let's call her Duchess) who also liked Hetalia and we quickly hit it off. We soon asked what each other's OTPs were.

Me: Oh, I ship AmeCan.

Duchess: ...

Me: What is it?

Duchess: You realize they're brothers, right?

Me: Oh, I don't see them that way because [insert reasoning that I don't want to have to explain to non-Hetalians, just know that I explained that I didn't see them as brothers.]

Duchess: But it's canon. They canonly see each other as brothers.

Me: Oh...

In hindsight, I probably should have asked what she meant by “it’s canon”. Either way, I began to drift away from AmeCan due to lack of interest, and towards other ships (Romerica and AmeBela), and then to other fandoms. She still remained one of my closest friends.

Down The Rabbit Hole

I began to get really into kawaii culture and browsed the tags pretty regularly. Over time, I came across CG/L content. It squicked me out at first, but due to some sort of bile fascination, I began browsing CG/L blogs and began learning about that subculture. I actually enjoyed it quite a lot, but I knew that it would be inappropriate for someone my age (around 13-14 years old) to participate in kink, so I kept my distance and admired it from afar.

Soon, Duchess brought it up at lunch.

Duchess: I really hate seeing DDGL stuff everywhere.

Me: Haha, yeah...

Duchess: I mean, It's practically pedophilia!

Me: Mhm...

That's what I had thought at first too, before researching it. But she kept talking about it.

Duchess: They're sexualizing children, and children's toys! It's so gross! I actually made a blog against it.

Me: Whoa, really?

Duchess showed me her anti-CGL blog and I quickly followed it because she was my friend, and slowly began to follow other anti-DDLG blogs as well, even making my own: rise-against-ddlg. I took it down due to lack of interest, but antis had already grown on tumblr, and I was torn between my "don't like, don't look" policy, and wanting to "help" survivors. So outwardly, I became an anti, while guiltily reading "problematic" fic and playing "problematic" games in secret.

One such problematic game was Yandere Simulator, and I began to browse those tags too, when I discovered another anti blog, this time against Yandere Simulator and Alex Mahan, a.k.a. Yandere Dev. I learned he was fairly homophobic, sexist, and transphobic, especially in his own private chatroom, and began to idolize that anti blog. Suddenly, they released an invitation to a Skype group chat. Eager to meet my heroes, I quickly applied and was approved.

The Group Chat Incident

I loved that chat. It started with 15 people, but slowly trickled down to nine, including myself. I found myself isolating myself away from my real life friends and family, too focused on the group chat, as they made dropping out of high school and staying online all day sound cool. I kissed up to them, desperate to be seen as a good person. But, soon, I began to question myself and the group. The mods were very against "problematic" content, like Killing Stalking, and NSFW depictions of minors, but were also quick to draw NSFW of minors (specifically Budo and Senpai from YS). I introduced them tot he game Boyfriend To Death, and one of them quickly latched on to the character of Rire, who brutally rapes the protagonist in game, despite them being against rape. The main mod even introduced the group to a game called Artificial Academy 2, in which you can rape others and be raped.

...There was a lot of rape and NSFW in that chat.

But, there was also a hierachy. At the top were the two main mods of that YS blog, Mod H and Mod J. Joining them at the top was a very cool person and a good artist who acted very much like an older sibling to all of us, Member M. Then, there were three more people who tended to kiss Mod H, Mod J, and Member M's asses, and at the bottom was me, my friend Foam, and Member C. Mod H was the ruler of that chat. Anything they said, went, and if you disagreed, they'd suddenly play victim, manipulating and gaslighting you into apologizing. They loved Dragon Age, and now that game has been forever tainted for me, considering how much they shoved it down my throat. They would also tease me and my interest in Persona 5 (saying that the protagonist looked like The Onceler, subsequently calling me a "Onceler Fucker" for finding him attractive, along with making fun of when my tongue slipped and pronounced "Goro" as "Gort"), only stopping when I had Foam address the group to tell them to stop. There was a livestream that I was really excited for, talking about it since it was announced and they seemed hyped for me as well. Only when I placed a rabb.it link in the chat so we could all watch, only Member C showed up. When I returned to that chat, they were watching Yuri On Ice, and they wouldn't even let me talk about my livestream.

During that time period, I created a group chat for me, Foam, and another internet friend I will call Emilia. I though Foam and Emilia would get along really well, so i formed a Skype chat with them, and allowed them to talk. Slowly though, me and Foam began to use that chat to bitch about the group chat behind their backs, because we were terrified of the backlash if we tried to criticize them to their faces, due to Mod H's tactics of avoiding conflict. We soon added Member C to the chat as well, after they were constantly getting dogpiled by the rest of the chat.

That December, the Bode meme was in full swing and Foam mentioned in the group chat that he didn't get it. The group chat immediately began to make fun of him and I, sick of letting them control our lives, stood up for him. The group chat just continued to dogpile and we continued to try and fight until Mod H eventually left the chat, in one of their methods to get us to apologize to them. I was feeling overwhelmed and also left, and Foam tried to surrender and tell the chat to stop, but they wouldn't let up and he left too. Member C was the only member we remained on good terms with who was still in the group chat.

I made a post on my blog saying that i didn't want to interact with those people anymore and they got mad and began to try and message me. I eventually messaged an official statement, citing their abuse of me and Foam, and blocked all of them across social media.

They created a fake blog to get around the block, and I was dumb enough to fall for it.

Member C even turned on us, revealing me and Foam's messages with her and claiming we were abusing and bullying them. Suffice to say, I cut off all contact with Member C and changed my main blog's URL.

I was harassed and stalked and I carried that fear of them looking at my blog for a long time. I still worry about it sometimes.

The worst part, in my opinion, was that I changed my own name that I had chosen for myself because it had become a trigger for me hearing them say it so many times. And I really, really loved that name.

There was so much hypocrisy, so much fear in that chat. Now, looking back, I wished I had never joined, but in those months after I left...I felt empty inside. Aimless.

Out of curiosity, I looked up cult behaviors, and that chat hit nearly every single one. It's scary looking back on it. Even writing this, over a year after I left, my heart hurts.

But even leaving a cultish group chat didn't knock me out of anti-ism.

Villain Ships and Past Revelations

Remember how I mentioned that I love Persona 5? Well, I ship a ship called ShuAke, which a very loud subset of people claim is abusive.

Spoilers for Persona 5 up ahead.

ShuAke is a ship between the protagonist (shujinko in Japanese, which is where the "shu" comes from) and Goro Akechi. I shipped ShuAke since before Goro's name was announced, when all we knew was his design. Goro turned out to be a detective hunting the Phantom Thieves, the protagonist's group. The cat and mouse aesthetic really suited my fancy, with the protagonist's thief alter ego, Joker, seducing the naive Detective Prince. Swoon.

Of course, the ship shattered when the game was released in Japan and it turns out Goro tried to kill the protagonist, was working for the bad guy, and betrayed the whole group.

I was shocked and essentially went through the five stages of grief. I was torn between abandoning the "abusive" ship and evil character...or ignoring the haters and shipping it anyway. After way too much debate, I chose the latter and stuck with it.

The anti-ism died down quickly due to a lot of the fandom hibernating until the English release, and I happily shipped ShuAke and supported Goro Akechi with little objection. Even when the game was released in English, I stood my ground and even argued in support of Goro with anons.

And yet, I still considered myself an anti.

Late May of last year, some repressed memories came to light. I had been sexually abused by a close family member and a few girls at camp when I was younger, with other fragmented and questionable memories in my brain. It put my past into light, as I had also had a self destructive habit of attempting to seduce older men online, due to low self esteem. That was not a fun week for me, and I found myself diving into dark fic, particularly rape fic, in order to make sense of it all. I even wrote some in an effort to just get it out of my brain.

And it worked. It was really therapeutic for me.

And yet...

I still considered myself an anti. Every word I read or wrote was mixed with guilt over what I was doing, even though it worked. While I'm still a sexual abuse survivor, as I always will be, I'm much more well-adjusted by participating in those dark activities, rather than wallowing in self pity and slipping into a depression, like my old group chat would have expected me to do.

I dropped anti-ism later, with the help of one blog.

Back to "DL,DR"

The blog @anti-anti-survivor was recommended to me, and anti!me, looking for a laugh, clicked on it...and soon found that pretty much everything they said made sense to me. I saw Mod h in the people they argued with, Member C in the people they called out...and I realized that I had never been an anti, just hiding behind that label.

I sent an anonymous message to them (though I guess it isn't so anonymous anymore, ha), thanking them for opening my mind to it, and created my own anti-anti blog. I realize I'm not very active on here, but, well, I'm lazy and I'm more of a reader than anything else.

And of course, there was another problem.

Antis are fucking everywhere.

I'm terrified of posting pro-shipping stuff on my main, and I'm terrified of admitting I like problematic ships. I'm in a Discord server that keeps spouting anti-kink and anti-ship stuff, and I have to keep my mouth shut or risk being banned, just because most of the time they're really nice. Duchess even messaged me one day, absolutely shocked that I admitted to shipping Shidge.

I'm happy now that I don't have to feel that guilt but, reading what antis do and then finding out that people I hang out with are antis...it's horrifying. I'm not a confrontational person. I never have been. But I'm sick of rolling over and accepting what everyone else deems is problematic fiction.

I'm mentally ill, a sexual abuse survivor, and dark fic and dark shipping helps me cope.

Deal with it.

#pro shipping #anti anti testimony

108 notes · View notes

gadgetsrevv · 5 years

Text

Barcelona are losing the ideology that makes them unique

Alejandro Moreno explains what went wrong for La Liga favourites Barcelona in their season opening defeat at Athletic Bilbao.

Twenty-six goals, six red cards, innumerable shots and headers off the woodwork, all three promoted clubs scoring points, none of them defeated and Real Madrid ahead of Barcelona in La Liga for the first time in several hundred days. Oh, and loads of VAR. La Liga is back: bursting with joie de vivre, face bathed in a mischievous smile and strutting around arrogantly after a helluva party at the weekend.

But even after that wildest of parties, we need to do what generations of carousers have found themselves involved in when the return of the work week brings inquests, bemusement and nagging worries. We need to talk about what happened on Friday night, and not just because the champions lost calamitously to an Athletic Club who were brutally intense and incessantly hard-working and who produced what I’m sure will still be a contender for goal of the season come May.

No.

Postmatch at San Mames, Gerard Pique took on the interview duties and really engaged with the subject of why and how Barcelona lost the first La Liga match of a season for the first time in 11 years. Yet I’m going to have to disagree with a fundamental point he made. Pique spoke well and pointed out that the bruising pressure, the cauldron atmosphere and the intensity of desire to topple champions were precisely what he and the gang who’ve won eight of the past 11 La Liga titles expected to experience.

“We weren’t ourselves. They were better than us physically.” No problem there. Apt summary. He also noted, “It’s better to go through this kind of experience now and learn from it than do so at the end of the season.” Fair enough.

There was a good expression in there that — if you didn’t see the 1-0 defeat, carved out via Aritz Aduriz‘s moment of gymnastic brilliance, which combined the aerial elegance of trapeze artists, the chutzpah of a David vs. Goliath and the thunderous punching power of a young Mike Tyson — will help you envisage the pattern of the 90 minutes. It’ll also be a nice phrase for you to store away and impress your friends with.

Pique stated that if Barcelona weren’t on their game, if they were playing, thinking and reacting below par, then any other club in La Liga could “pintar la cara.” It literally means “paint our face.” The purpose is to suggest that if you drop your level even to a minuscule degree, another team can humiliate you, roll all over you, take you apart.

— When is the Champions League group-stage draw? — ESPN La Liga fantasy: Sign up now!

Even the expression itself, thought of literally, helps tell Pique’s story well. You’ve been at parties when someone is a little inebriated, crashes on a couch and has a moustache painted on them with permanent marker, right? “Pintar la cara:” to humiliate the dopey or the dozy by painting their face. It’s universal.

In Pique’s case, he specified who the dope was … in so many words. The object of his ire was Ousmane Dembele, who’s now out for five weeks with a hamstring strain.

When Athletic take their throw on Barcelona’s left side, Jordi Alba just allows Raul Garcia to fake him out and loses a third of a metre on the wily, old street fighter, and Garcia receives the ball to play a one-two with Ander Capa, who launched the ball at him in the first place. Capa scampers past Dembele — irresistible force and unmoving object. And when Capa crosses exquisitely on the run, there’s Aduriz, who has been gifted a metre and a half too much space by Nelson Semedo.

The 38-year-old Basque legend, whose name was chanted incessantly by the vast ranks of San Mames faithful from the instant he came on the pitch 90 seconds earlier, levitates himself transcendentally and lashes out his right foot. The ball flies diagonally back across the penalty box into the far corner of Marc-Andre ter Stegen‘s goal.

Sheer, sublime brilliance. Heckuva story too.

However, Pique correctly pinpointed that when Alba raced to try to smother Raul Garcia’s flick-on, it left Dembele with increased responsibility. His bovine, “Oh dear, that guy’s running past me” reaction was inadequate, but that’s not the issue. Pique, speaking like a captain, serious about the issue and, like all true competitors, willing to concede that his team had been bested, pointed out that “details are the difference between winning and losing, and one detail, the one-two from the throw-in in the 88th minute … and that’s it, we go home beaten.”

Well, I beg to differ. Dembele failed. It was crucial in the goal. That’s all fine. But the cause of the goal came from a really bad use of possession, the thing that Barcelona were once — indeed, remain — famous for.

Have Barcelona betrayed their ideals on possession?

Let me explain.

At 0-0 and with two minutes, 13 seconds of normal time left, Ter Stegen has the ball at his feet. There’s an organised but not suffocating Athletic press. A pass to Clement Lenglet is shut off by Aduriz, who’ll gradually pull off that man and trot toward the German keeper. The pass down the middle to Ivan Rakitic — or even Rafinha, who moves back to add options — is effectively closed off by Dani Garcia and Oihan Sancet, Athletic’s 19-year-old debutant from whom I expect terrific things.

But Ter Stegen has both Pique and Semedo available to his right. They’re not properly closed down. It’s the obvious move to build from the back through them and either keep possession or build a late attack.

Instead he unloads a long, raking ball to a relatively well-marked Alba high and wide on the left touchline. The effort is lackadaisical, the kind of attention to detail you might see during the warm-up and, even then, receive ribbing from your teammates about. The ball soars over Alba’s head and out for the very throw-in that will result in the winning goal, 28 seconds after Ter Stegen needlessly gifts away possession.

They have the ball, they aren’t under great pressure, the match is almost over, a point is in hand … and it’s all tossed away with the nonchalant “I’ve got more of these” lack of grief when a millionaire drops a €100 note on the pavement.

So if Dembele needed a clip round the ear from Pique, then why didn’t the German? If Ter Stegen takes the correct, obvious, intelligent option with his pass, the odds of Barcelona getting out of San Mames with a draw — perhaps even a smash-and-grab 1-0 win — go up hugely. His culpability is central, more so than Dembele’s.

But this column is neither me picking an argument with Pique for the sake of it nor me trying to be overly critical of Ter Stegen, who regularly pulls Barca out of the muck and is, without question, one of the most gifted keepers in the world. He’s also one of their grittiest competitors.

Not only did his mixture of bemusing decision-making and sloppy technique cost defeat, but also it was symbolic, I thought, in two ways. One, instead of maintaining possession, he kicked it away at a time when your brain needs to be making percentage decisions. That Barcelona’s European campaign came to a spectacularly crashing end — what seems like no more than a week or two ago — because of inattention at a set piece doesn’t seem to have registered with this squad.

Ter Stegen gifted Athletic that dead-ball situation, and just like at Anfield, when Trent Alexander-Arnold fed Divock Origi from that “find the dope” corner kick, Barcelona’s key men all dropped their concentration for a second. Alba, Dembele and Semedo were all found wanting — maybe not by much individually but cumulatively enough for Athletic to snatch three points.

How long ago was it that possession was king at Barca? Not “king” in the sense of lip service and paying homage to the idea without actually enforcing it, but truly “king,” as in never giving it away cheaply. A long time.

Secondly, Ter Stegen’s decision to play high-risk, unnecessarily showy football with 132 seconds of normal time remaining came when Ernesto Valverde had already judged that Sergio Busquets — ordinarily the emperor of “take the ball, pass the ball” (to coin a Pep Guardiola phrase) — should be dropped because he has become prone in recent months to getting ruffled under pressure and giving the ball away.

Huge changes don’t always come explosively. In fact, usually they inch ahead incrementally. Friday felt measurable.

But it’s Week 1. It’s early to judge a squad with new signings and one that was cruelly exposed to this torrid test by a board of directors who thought it was a good idea to pack Valverde’s squad off to the United States in the final 10 days before La Liga kicked off. Madness.

But I’d suggest that Barcelona aren’t just losing concentration on the pitch. They’re insidiously losing their respect for possession of the ball and the ideology behind it.

//due to VPPA compliance we can not send keywords through URLs implicitly in the US var countryValue = $.cookie("country"); if(!!countryValue && countryValue !== "us") {

$.ajax({ url: '//pixel.mathtag.com/event/js?mt_id=694557&mt_adid=137010&v1=&v2=&v3=&s1=&s2=&s3=', dataType: 'script', cache: true }); } (function(d, s, id) {var js, fjs = d.getElementsByTagName(s)[0];if (d.getElementById(id)) return;js = d.createElement(s); js.id = id;js.src = "http://connect.facebook.net/en_GB/all.js#xfbml=1&appId=116656161708917";fjs.parentNode.insertBefore(js, fjs);}(document, "script", "facebook-jssdk")); Source link . More news

via wordpress https://ift.tt/2KYyIYg

#Articles #Barcelona are losing the ideology that makes them unique Barcelona are losing the ideology

0 notes

healthandfitnessrecipes-blog · 6 years

Text

Watermark, Mather Improve Resident Experiences with THRIVE Approach

https://healthandfitnessrecipes.com/?p=7397

Watermark Retirement Communities, Mather LifeWays and the University of Arizona recently teamed up on a project to improve the quality of life for senior housing residents, with promising early results.

The effort was several years in the making, and involved funding from the American Seniors Housing Association (ASHA).

“I was on the executive board of ASHA … and we reached out to several universities to see if there were research projects we could fund,” David Freshwater, chairman of Watermark Retirement Communities, told Senior Housing News.

The University of Arizona was one of those schools that ASHA connected with, and it was one that Watermark had worked with in the past. Watermark helped create the proposal for Project THRIVE, which was funded in part by ASHA and took place primarily over the course of 2017.

The initiative drew on methodologies that schools have used to reduce bullying, cliques and other social issues, while forging a stronger shared culture and enhancing students’ experiences. By adapting these methodologies for senior housing communities, the hope was that similar outcomes could be achieved.

“Schools went through this about 20 to 30 years ago, where it was, ‘girls will be girls and boys will boys,’ and then there was a national effort to try to create norms of behavior to make everyone feel safe and secure, and that was the process we decided to bring into senior living,” said researcher Mindy Fain, MD, a geriatrician in the University of Arizona’s medical school and co-director of the University of Arizona Center on Aging. “This work is not meant to expose that senior living settings are sites of bullying or aggression, but we were really looking at culture building and creating safe, inclusive communities.”

The concept dovetails with other work that ASHA has been involved with, along with ProMatura Group, on how residents can feel more “at home” in senior housing communities, ASHA President David Schless told SHN.

Focus groups

Project THRIVE involved four senior living communities in Tucson, where the University of Arizona is located. Two of the communities were control sites, and two of them were “intervention sites.”

The two intervention sites were The Fountains at La Cholla and Splendido at Rancho Vistoso. The Fountains at La Cholla (pictured above) offers independent living, assisted living and memory care, and is operated by Watermark. Based in Tucson, Watermark operates 52 senior living communities around the country, making it one of 20 largest U.S. providers. Splendido at Rancho Vistoso is a life plan community operated by Mather LifeWays, an Evanston, Illinois-based nonprofit senior housing provider.

At those active sites, the researchers began by surveying residents and conducting focus groups with residents, staff and other stakeholders, including corporate executives and owners such as Freshwater.

The surveys revealed that about 90% of residents were happy and socially engaged, with fewer than 10% saying they had seen or experienced aggression from other residents. However, further interviews and assessments, and the focus groups, revealed that social challenges were cropping up with some frequency, including issues with cliques and “micro-aggressions.” Micro-aggressions—which can be intentional or unintentional—are comments, snubs or similar, seemingly minor words or actions that lead to people feeling marginalized, unsafe or uneasy.

“To me, one of the most beneficial aspects of the whole program was that it shed a whole new light on issues that might be happening at our communities,” said Freshwater. “It wasn’t about making anyone ‘wrong,’ but all coming together to identify issues and possible ways that we might address those things.”

Having residents and staff together in the focus groups, and indeed throughout the whole process, was a key to its success, emphasized Joan Mayer, director of resident services at Splendido.

“I think that may have been the biggest and most beneficial learning of all, for the whole community to come together to make progress,” she told Senior Housing News. “For staff as well as residents to be exposed to the concepts allows for a long-term good outcome.”

Through this information-gathering stage, the researchers identified three primary sources of tension. These were language and communication issues, such as verbiage that was ageist or insensitive; socialization-related issues, leading to some residents being isolated or excluded; and sensory-related challenges, such as those stemming from loss of hearing or vision. In addition, the dining room and activity rooms—such as for playing cards or doing art projects—were sites where these sorts of issues often cropped up.

Interventions

In the next phase of the project, a handful of new practices were developed at Splendido and The Fountains at La Cholla to address some of the pain points revealed by the focus groups. Several of these initiatives involved dining.

The changes were not complicated or expensive, but the challenge came in being fully responsive to the input received from residents and staff, Freshwater noted. For example, it was not difficult to provide more large-print menus, but simply having them available was not enough to solve the problem of residents feeling put on the spot if they had to ask for one, drawing attention to their vision-related needs.

“It’s us saying, I know Mrs. Smith struggles a little bit, and discreetly handing her a large-print menu without saying anything,” Freshwater said.

Similarly, residents did not like it when staff members would ask to “take” their walker when they entered the dining room. Phrases like “May I valet your walker?” came across as more respectful.

Splendido experimented with a dining-related initiative that sought to reduce the issue of cliques, which could involve certain groups of people always dining together and excluding others. This could make mealtimes daunting for newcomers to the community, Mayer said.

“We invited people to call the hostess in dining to make reservations and say things like, ‘We would love to invite others to join us tonight,'” she said. “Every time folks called and invited people, they were entered into a drawing for a gift card to a nice steakhouse. I think it was very successful.”

As these examples show, careful use of language was a core component of these efforts.

“Language is really everything,” Fain said. “It’s how we see the world and how we behave. If one believes that, we can use language to re-shape beliefs and change behaviors.”

Other language-related training involved teaching staff techniques for communicating with people how have cognitive impairment, and workshops for both staff and residents related to grief and loss. Phrases like “I’m sorry for your loss” tend to come across as hollow, and the workshops provided new language to consider and emphasized the importance of being “present” with someone who is grieving.

Building a more empathetic culture was another overarching goal, and to that end, the researchers led some interactive exercises, said Lisa O’Neill, associate director of research and education for the Center on Aging.

“We have special glasses that mimic eye problems related to aging, or a way of mimicking what being hard of hearing is like,” she said. “It’s not a depressing exercise, but very effective.”

Next steps

Though the project has officially concluded, Watermark and Mather LifeWays consider Project THRIVE part of an ongoing process of culture enhancement, and they are still acting on the lessons learned.

For instance, Watermark is opening a new community in Tucson in the next year, and already is getting deposit-holders together for a variety of activities. To promote friendships and expand prospective residents’ social circles, these activities go beyond “wine-and-cheese tastings” to field trips that “get people out of their comfort zone,” Freshwater said.

In addition, Watermark has incorporated best practices from Project THRIVE into its learning center. This is a robust platform used for training and continuing education across Watermark’s whole portfolio.

The THRIVE methodology, going from focus groups to interventions, could be worth repeating every five to seven years at Splendido, in Mayer’s estimation.

“I think the project will be a wonderful thing to revisit,” she said. “The issues will change. We’re beginning to notice changes already, as the newest generation moves in. They will have lived with education about grief and loss that our current generation didn’t have.”

As for the researchers, they are encouraged by the pilots at Splendido and The Fountains at La Cholla, and believe that the THRIVE methodology could be successfully adapted by other senior living providers. To that end, they are presenting on Project THRIVE at industry events such as LeadingAge Arizona.

More long-term, they are thinking of developing a certification for executive directors, who play the key leadership role in shaping the culture of their buildings.

“The executive directors really caught on pretty quickly that their role parallels that of principals in school,” Fain said. “The director role is not just operational, it’s socio-cultural. Just like trainings for principals at schools, anyone wanting to build a safe, inclusive community should think about how to best train or certify a director in these roles.”

While the project did reveal some issues that senior housing communities are facing, Freshwater is quick to point out that they are the sorts of challenges that would crop up in any communal environment.

“Put any age group together in a setting where they’re dining and exercising and learning together, you’re going to have conflicts, because people are people,” he said.

However, “people are people” doesn’t mean that bullying or cliques are inevitable, and that behaviors and norms can’t be shaped—and that was among the powerful lessons of Project THRIVE.

“Saying we can’t affect how people treat one another, that’s not true,” Freshwater said. “Providers are not powerless in this, we can affect a lot of things that can have a positive effect on how residents feel and, similarly, I think the residents themselves had an a-ha moment to say, yes, there are things we can be doing to be more welcoming and create a sense of community. From that perspective, I think the project was a great success.”

Written by Tim Mullaney

The post Watermark, Mather Improve Resident Experiences with THRIVE Approach appeared first on Senior Housing News.

Credits: Original Content Source

0 notes