#i wish i was close w my cousins i love the idea of cousins basically being ur siblings in many cultures

[greeds]

having siblings literally best concept ever

[gyokuto]

i’m rewriting yashahime in my head (i’m only half serious, oh also, i’m not a writer)

-i’m not keen on the idea of sessh procreating for some reason it feels ooc lmao (hello aroace king), but i think towa and setsuna are cute. it seemed like there was naraku symbolism & kagura fit nature vs. nurture, so for the sake of keeping the twins, somehow kagura is reborn, and we’re gonna say she is a half-demon. the twins are hers and sessh’s. they’re actually 3 quarter demons which i think is a cool contrast to their cousin moroha

-rin is the best older sister ever, and the apple of her father’s eye! i’m trying to think of what would be a good “profession” for her...but honestly i just want her to be happy and carefree lol. her childhood was very stressful

-i like the twins’ designs, but i haven’t thought about them much since i was never a huge sessh fan. towa is for sure nonbinary. personally, i wish their discomfort with gender norms was explored more in “canon.” setsuna, i have to think about more since they basically wrote her like a 14 yr old, less mean version of sessh, but i would wanna flesh her character out more. i think it would be cool if they were actually hisui’s age (and older than moroha by maybe a year or two?)

-once i had this thought that it would be cool if there was a time period where mixed human/demon ancestry was more common (maybe humans like sango and miroku have distant demon relatives like a great grandparent or something. can we explore this???), and something happened and it became taboo which is why inuyasha went through what he did, etc. so, there’s still discrimination over it, but things are getting better however towa and setsuna struggle because of who their “grandpa” (naraku) was. i think inuyasha (cause half-demon uncle) and rin (human who understands humans can be just as cruel) would play a big role in helping them accept that they’re not to be ashamed of their ancestry (side plot? maybe this is a side story apart from something else i talk about later in the post.)

-kohaku? he has no scar and his freckles are back! that boy has suffered enough. he still adores his sister & he is the best uncle ever! kohaku has very soft vibes lol for some reason i feel like he wouldn’t really want to slay demons after everything he went through. can we just let him rest? maybe he would become a healer of some sort. kohaku maintains a close relationship with sessh, kagura, and rin! lives with miroku and sango. maybe he is closest to his niece gyokuto?

-kingyo are BOTH alive and well. they’re both lesbians. gyokuto is spiritual like her father, and k’inu does her own thing. maybe she inherited his shady/flirty behavior? i feel like i saw a similar hc, and i think that’s cute. she’s off charming girls and that’s why we haven’t seen her

-hisui takes after his mom. he’s a sweet boy but he’s also serious. his mom trained him! he also learned some stuff from his uncle kohaku!

-miroku and sango are bicons. why is this relevant? cause i said so. i feel like it fits their characters idk why. they’re wholesome and happy because sango deserves the world. miroku is still flirty but only w/ sango because he’s matured and loves his fuckin wife. who wouldn’t? she’s amazing. also, we’re done with stupid misogynistic tropes! he never groped ppl. we are retconning that shit. kilala is also alive and well.

-miroku was the stay-at-home dad mostly while the kids were young & sango brought in some $ by doing slaying jobs, but i can see them switching it around and him bringing home $ from doing spiritual jobs. also, she is the head of the demon slayers because why wouldn’t she be? (she is the older sibling and unlike sunrise i’m aware that women can uh do something other than be wives, also kohaku’s done w/ that stuff remember?) 

-they live next to kagome and inuyasha! kagome and inuyasha had their beautiful little babeeyyyy moroha who takes after both of them. inuyasha loves his child very much, and is constantly overwhelmed by a happiness he never thought he would have! she’s pretty much like a mini version of him, and kagome finds their relationship very endearing. she loves them very much! like in the show, moroha’s in touch with her spiritual powers. i think it would be cool if something happened one day while moroha was by the well, and she ended up in the present time. sota, mama higurashi and grandpa higurashi would cry and dote on her properly. maybe the plot is that she is stuck there, and inukag gotta go get her back? cue eventual kagome reunion with her family that is very emotional and makes me cry.

-random, but i think it would be cute if miroku, kagome, and kaede taught the kids who were into spirituality and healing, and sango and inuyasha taught the kids who were more into combat/slaying. i liked the inuyasha and sango friendship and the miroku and kagome friendship, so i think that’s something i would explore more

-moroha and hisui are best buds since they’re basically the cousins closest in age (i mean towa and setsuna too, but i don’t think sesshoumaru + his family would live as close to everyone)

-kingyo are definitely moroha’s older sister figures too

-i think kaede is strong and not kicking the bucket anytime soon, so she would basically be like the go-to babysitter while the kids are young & she is fine with that. when the kids were younger, inu gang still went on little day missions while kaede looked after the kiddies

-little shippo...i don’t know what to do about him. maybe we can age him at the same rate as a human would until he is done with adolescence...? so maybe he would be around rin’s age? i think his role would be like an uncle/older brother to the kids. he lives with everyone in the village, of course! also, his powers and magic have gotten more sophisticated. i need to think more about his character

-my version would be more slice of life instead of everyone being unhappy and there being another big bad that needs to be defeated...

-we can keep kirinmaru cause his design is cool. he can be toga’s spiteful ex because why not?

-maybe there is a prophecy but it came from an oracle (maybe zero can be the oracle instead of his sister) who saw a quarter demon with strong spiritual powers would defeat kirinmaru in like 3 yrs time or something (he has become too powerful and tyrannical?) we can keep the manipulation of space-time as a thing. maybe he somehow triggered the events that led to moroha being trapped in present day? (she’s the MC of my version)

-maybe a chunk of the story follows her life throughout a few years trapped in the present-era, but it explores the ways in which demons are still a part of present day japan (that way she does get raised by her parents, but also is apart from them for a period enough for it to feel like there’s a conflict (mirroring when kagome couldn’t get back to feudal japan)

-maybe we see some of our og gangs descendants (moroha enrolls in school or something)?

-kirinmaru keeps tabs on her through osamu kirin????? she figures it out idfk

-inuyasha finds out his dads ex is scared of his 14 yr old daughter? dude idk someone said toga kirinmaru exes and my brain has been like fixated on this ever since. it’s like not even relevant but i will make it relevant some how

-after tearful higurashi reunion, they all go back to feudal era and kick kirinmaru’s ass. prophecy is fulfilled (maybe well stays functioning and kagome can once again travel back and forth. i have to work out how this wouldn’t screw time up. maybe we can just close our eyes and ignore it? hehe)

-omg i almost forgot koga. idk what would happen w/ him....i feel like he would definitely be like moroha’s uncle! ginta and hakkaku are married.

-OH! kikyo? she is fucking resting in peace. please let her rest. she went through so much lol.

[thisselflovecamebacktome]

My personal connection with Taylor’s discography, part one: It’s Time To Go

No more “official” meanings for music. The world has progressed past having to consider “official” meanings of songs. I’m kidding... partially. Obviously I love connecting the dots with Taylor’s music as much as the next Swiftie, but my favourite aspect of listening to music is the emotional relatability of transferring it to events in my own life. I have also unfortunately been ridiculed for relating to romantic songs in non-romantic ways and so forth. So I’ve decided in a bid to normalise personal relatability to songs and just generally get my thoughts out there, I’m going to write out what these songs mean to me and how. Also a special shout out to @cowboylikedean who inspired this series with how Folklore and Evermore has been helping zir recover from zir heartbreak over the Supernatural ending.

Anyway, I’ve decided I’m working backwards with these because why not? I should probably also note that unless there are lyrical changes in a repeated part (mostly choruses), I’m only going to include each of those parts once as a way to reduce repeating myself. So let’s get started.

It’s Time To Go

As a whole, this song is a reassuring comfort that despite seeing my tendency to leave as a flaw caused by the trauma of staying too long in the past, it typically has served me well. Though, like many of Taylor’s songs, It’s Time To Go mostly reminds me of my family, there are aspects of past friendships that I definitely feel like I dodged a bullet with by leaving.

When the dinner is cold and the chatter gets old, you ask for the tab

To me, this line reminds me of my father and my relationship before I cut him off. Despite feeling like I was his favourite child for most my childhood, communication between us started breaking down in my teen years. By the time my family fell apart when I was 20, I felt like seeing him weekly for lunches was a chore I was doing ‘for old time’s sake’. As a whole, despite loving him, there was just no longer any common ground and it showed with most of that time being spent in awkward silences or silently nodding along to things we didn’t understand that the other person said until I guiltily gave my ‘well I guess I better be heading home’ line.

Or that moment again he's insisting that friends look at each other like that

When I was in my teen years, I was in an (partially non consensually sexual) abusive friendship. This line brought me right back to the beginning of that friendship when I’d vocalise that I, a person with a history of sexual violence before that, was uncomfortable at the way he would sexualise me or stare lustfully at me. And you guessed it, every time he’d try to gaslight me into thinking I was just making it up and ‘friends look at each other like that all the time’. This line also has a tinge of regret for me because looking but I wish I had accepted that it was time to go then as opposed to staying which led to the abuse.

When the words of a sister come back in whispers that prove she was not in fact what she seemed. Not a twin from your dreams, she's a crook who was caught

So these lines are interesting to me because outside of the generalised outro, it is the only part of this song that relates to two completely unrelated scenarios.

‘When the words of a sister come back in whispers to prove she was not who she seemed, not a twin from your dreams’ reminds me of the members of my family I thought I was close to growing up. Like these people spent my whole life telling me I was their favourite, telling me they’d provide if I needed anything and just generally put so much extra time and effort into me than my cousins and siblings. Then, when I begged for help, refused to even check in on me when my sister left and then told me they’d rather watch me starve and be homeless than step in and push my father to do the right thing by my mother, brother and I.

‘When the words... come back in whispers that prove she was not in fact what she seemed, she’s a crook who was caught’ meanwhile reminds me of an ex acquaintance from university. While I was not super close with her, she seemed decent enough so I introduced her to another now ex friend of mine in hopes that if I ever held events, I wouldn’t have to worry about her because she’d know at least one other person. While seemingly a small thing, this was a large step for me given how much the abusive friend mentioned above fucked me and past friendships up to the point this was the first time in six years I was introducing friends that hadn’t previously met to each other. And this girl knew that. She also knew that I was in a very vulnerable state given I had just cut off my father and was in between medications. Despite this, she spent the week she knew this other friend doing everything she could to fuck up our friendship and convince me that this other friend didn’t like/trust me, and unfortunately it worked.

That old familiar body ache, the snaps from the same little breaks in your soul. You know when it's time to go

This line feels very self explanatory. Sometimes you just need to trust your gut, even if it fucking kills you. Very much ‘I think I’ve seen this film before, so I’m leaving out the side door’ vibes.

Twenty years at your job then the son of the boss gets the spot that was yours

So to me, this line reminds me of the way my parents pinned my sister and I against each other, and in turn the resentment that causes when thinking about how I felt like I was damn near to the perfect daughter, stuck around for the ‘ugly’/hard parts that she didn’t and did everything I could for my parents and family in general just for everything to still revolve around my sister. Like my father chose ‘her’ (more like chose his own dishonesty and knew she’d put up with it for financial gain whereas I wouldn’t), my mother’s whole life revolves around her hurt for my sister rather than trying to have a relationship with me and my sister still got all of the support from the family despite being the one in the wrong. But here’s the thing, as much as I want to be bitter at her, she was a child when everything happened and couldn’t help that she was put in a good position and I wasn’t. It was the ‘boss’ of my adult family that chose that and that’s where the blame lays here.

Or trying to stay for the kids when keeping it how it is will only break their hearts worse

Ironically this line pretty much means the opposite to me. Like to me, this was how I felt trying to juggle relationships with both my parents after they split. Like my mother felt betrayed every time I went to see my father even though it was a precondition for him giving her money when he finally agreed to, and my father felt betrayed that I was his favourite yet opted to live with mum and support her. It was a lose/lose situation and the longer it went on, the worse the pain was for all three of us.

Sometimes giving up is the strong thing

Giving up on the abusive friend above was one of the hardest things I’ve ever done. After having experienced the suicide of a close friend the year before, I had admittedly grown a supergirl complex where I felt like I had to save everyone, and knowing that this abusive friend was suicidal and still walking away despite my fears that he’d die in a way he wouldn’t have if I just stayed tore me apart emotionally and made me feel like I had failed and been weak as a friend. But ultimately it was the strong thing because I had to leave all my friends from that group behind as a result and start again.

Sometimes to run is the brave thing

So in the theme of ‘I’ve had to restart my life too many times from leaving everything behind’, we have the beginning, the first time I stood my ground and refused to go back to a situation that I was upset in. In sixth grade (final grade of elementary school where I am), I had an outburst with one of my friends about how I felt like I was her comedy/emotional punching bag. Her response? Make the whole year barring one guy hate me. That guy and my friends in the year below also got targeted for their choice to stay friends with me. By the end of the year, things started cooling down and she asked me to go to the same high school as 99% of the rest of the year and remain friends. I didn’t. I instead went to the opposing school with the bad reputation despite the idea of knowing no one and being alone scaring the shit out of me. Granted looking back it was kinda dumb to be scared given that I went from having 40ish kids in my year to like 120 (and would have been more if I went to that other school) so wouldn’t have had to deal with the false ultimatum of her or being alone anyway, but at the time it was a massive deal for me and the bravest thing I would do until leaving that abusive friendship years later.

Sometimes walking out is the one thing that will find you the right thing

Basically this just encapsulates leaving both friendship groups from above. Like leaving the elementary school group allowed me to find people who I didn’t feel I had to pretend around in high school and then leaving that high school group found me people who had common interests and wanted to challenge and grow beside me. In general, it really doesn’t feel like much is going well in my life right now, but the one thing I can say is that I finally feel like I am in a place where every friend that I have put effort into is meant to be in my life and deserves to be and I don’t feel like anything is missing on that front. So maybe it took 23 years, but at least I got there.

Fifteen years, fifteen million tears begging 'til my knees bled. I gave it my all, he gave me nothing at all then wondered why I left. Now he sits on his throne in his palace of bones praying to his greed. He's got my past frozen behind glass but I've got me

Family, family family. Quite frankly, I think these parts I wrote in an unsent letter to my father explain it best.

“And I’ve had to do it alone because the literal years I spent degrading myself into feeling like the child this family made me out to be and begging for an ‘adult’ to step in and help were met with apathy and in your case, fake apologies. And then each and every one of you has had the nerve to act like I abandoned you or that I am a thoughtless child who only won’t see you because mummy said no.”

“You have taken every part of my family, my mental health and potentially even my future away from me, and whether you care or not, that’s something you and I both have to live with for the rest of our days.”

I spent my whole childhood/very early adulthood seeing the signs of my sister slipping from us and trying to prevent exactly what ended up happening. I spent the following three years begging for people who could fix it to do so. And then when they refused, I somehow became the villain and ‘insane’ and ‘not a family person’ for leaving.

But at the end of the day, they lost a person that would have loved and done anything for them for a lifetime. I left with my self-respect, only losing fairweathered people who only liked the idea of me anyway.

And you know, you know, you know, you know when it's time to go. So then you go. You just go...

Going back to the main theme, sometimes you’ve just gotta trust your instincts and take that first step knowing you’re doing the right thing for yourself and walking towards what you need.

[bakugou-tm]

Victorian Era Villain Bakugou x Reader

Okay okay this all sounds very strange and I’ve been in and out for so long which makes it even stranger but just b a r e witH me I think it’s a decent idea. I’ve been craving villain bakugou dawg don’t @ me blame @simplybakugou

The cool afternoon skies that surrounded your abundant kingdom never failed to amaze you. The way all the multitude of colors worked together to create one last beautiful painting for all to see before hiding away along with the sun for the day.

It had been this way ever since you were a little girl, being a princess under strict rules, it was one of the few things in life you were able to enjoy.

This wasn’t to say you minded all of the rules, as the future lady to your kingdom you understood the responsibilities held on your head. To the countless etiquette lessons you had to endure as a child to now the thousands of boring meetings you had to attend each day; you held up your duty and pushed through.

With this said, this doesn’t mean you weren’t... rebellious at times. Oh if you had a dime for every time you had been dragged back to the castle after attempting to make a midnight escape you’d be filthy rich, not that you weren’t already.

Luckily, for your parents mostly, the older you grew the less these childish antics began to fade away. Even then the guards made sure to always have a slight watch on you, as your mischievous side would always be apart of you.

Other than that, you were loved by all in your kingdom. Known as the Shining Princess to the locals, your personality was always one to be favored. Compared to your other stuck up family members, your cousins and such, you were more comfortable and kind with your loyal subjects.

Always defending the worthy in courts, offering help to those in need, and doing it all with a smile on your face. Between your radiant looks and charismatic personality, the rich and wealthy were in love with their Shining Princess.

Letting out a sigh you continued your path down the hall of your castle, the cool feeling of cobblestone hitting your bare feet always seeming to relax you after a stressful meeting. Reaching up you tugged out the rose colored ribbon that held your hair into a bun, feeling a sense of relief wash over you as your (h/c) locks cascaded down your bare shoulders.

Your choice of style always did seem to offend the wealthy of your nation, no matter how much the loved you. Often times you would walk around the castle sporting no shoes, with your hair loose and flowing across your dress. For some reason it just felt more natural and free. Especially after wearing heels all day long, it was certainly a rewarding feeling.

Stopping at one of the windows you stared at the sky one last time, feeling the breeze of the cool hallway sweep between your dress. This dress had been one of your favorites, the rose petal like fabric that draped the bottom train and edges of your dress made you feel like a fairy. With the chest piece cutting into a low V just above your chest, you loved how the sleeves draped off the shoulder and down your arm in a soft flowy manor.

One good thing about having long dreadful meetings was the wonderful feeling of being free after, being able to roam your kingdom without a care in the world.

Once you met your final destination you lifted your arms to press against the wooden backdoor before a whistle caused you to whip your head back around.

“My Princess (L/n), forgive me for bothering you but where do you think you’re going?”

Your wide (e/c) eyes suddenly softened at the sound of the familiar voice, your lips curving upwards into a goofy grin when you were met with one of your watch guards. Unlike the other strict watch guards, this man had been watching over you since you were able to walk.

He taught you how to read, how to fight, and all of the different secrets of the castle. With your parents being so busy often, he was like a second father to you.

“Marcus do not scare me like that, you wouldn’t want to give the princess a heart attack would you?” You replied with a taunting wink as Marcus walked up to you, his expression not seeming to buy your response, “Relax old man, I was just going out to the garden for my daily therapy session.”

Marcus let out a haughty laugh, his arms wrapping around his large stomach before he folded his arms across his chest, “Those meetings you attend aren’t that bad my princess, but if you try to run away I’ll make you actually need therapy sessions!”

With this comment you could only assume he was referring to the most recent time you ran away, your father was quite livid with him when he came back empty handed for the first time. You swore you were punished for almost an entire year.

“Oh please Marcus I haven’t run away since I was fifteen, I’m nineteen now!” You said with a grin before straightening up sarcastically, “I am a legal adult sir.”

With this Marcus just rolled is eyes, placing a soft flick on your head before waiving you off.

“Have a good afternoon princess, please do be back for dinner so your mother doesn’t have my head.”

Offering a warm smile and reassuring nod you waved him off before quickly slipping through the wooden door. Suddenly you were met with the wondrous sounds of nature; small birds chirping near the stone bench, water gently rushing into the small pond that surrounded the cave like arch at the center of the garden, the breeze blowing through the tufts of grass and flowers.

Walking down the continued cobblestone walkway you stopped just before the tip of the pond, wiggling your toes in the fresh grass beneath you before kneeling down. You made sure to lift your dress up so not to get the beautiful fabric dirty as you rested in the grass.

Closing your eyes you inhaled the fresh scent of nature one last time, loving the smell and atmosphere of your garden. After all this lovely place was dedicated after you, the kingdom’s precious flower. Though, even with all the peaceful sounds and views of your garden, you couldn’t help but admit that something felt... off.

As soon as you stepped outside you could sense the strange presence, as if some dark looming aura was watching you. Deciding to peak an eye open, a small smile curved on your lips when a small duckling decided to swim next to you.

“My my little duckling, did you run off from your mother again?” You questioned, knowing full and well the fragile creature wouldn’t answer, “Let’s see if I have any goodies for you today..”

Shoving your hand in the small pocket of your dress you grinned when you felt two crackers reach your finger tips, pulling them out you cut them two smaller pieces before gingerly feeding them to the duckling, “Lucky for you my granny made her world famous: Tasteless Crackers.”

Giggling softly at the fluffy bird’s soft quaking, you let your fingers glide around the water, a soft hum escaping your lips as you narrowed your eyes at the pond.

Perhaps this little bird was the cause of distress?

Shaking your head you scooped the duckling into your hands, ignoring the dripping water that fell on the skirt of your dress as you rubbed its soft head, “Now little duckling were you trying to scare me? First Marcus now you, perhaps I will get a heart attack someday.”

When the only response you received was an odd quack you simply laughed, placing the creature back in the water before letting out a sigh.

This probably was all your imagination, after all you had been having very strange dreams recently-

crack

The sudden sound of a pebble hitting a wall caused you to freeze, your head shooting up as you slowly looked around the area.

“Now I know I’m not loosing it...” You whispered, standing back up on your bare feet as you began to tip toe towards the stone arch way, “If you are one of my father’s guards please come out, I promise I am not angry I just wish to be alone at the moment.”

At hearing no response to this you narrowed your eyes, moving a bit faster till you were just about to peer into the stone archway until the sound of a trumpet filled the air causing you to jump slightly before whipping your head back.

The faint cry of one of your father’s guards was heard from the watch tower, the words “Castle Lockdown” being made out as you let out an annoyed huff.

“Great, raiders are here again. When will these rascals learn to behave themselves?” You muttered to yourself, reaching under your dress to pull out a small dagger with your name engraved on it. 

Along with Marcus teaching you basic fighting skills, he had awarded you a true ivory dagger that belonged to your father when he was just a young boy. The weapon had great significance to you ever since then, as your father was one of the most noble warriors you had ever met. There was no doubt you wanted to follow in his footsteps.

Just as you were about to make your way back inside, your entire body came to a halt when a warm palm wrapped around your wrist. Before you could make so much as a yelp your back was slammed against the smooth stone walls of the arch, your smooth lips being covered by the familiar palm.

“And where the fuck do you think you’re going?” You heard a sharp voice hiss, your (e/c) eyes fluttered for a moment after your vision going blurry from such a forceful hit, “A princess as angelic like you shouldn’t be interfering with raiders.”

Wincing a bit slightly you narrowed your eyes as your vision came back to you, only to be met with crimson eyes. You weren’t sure if it was the insane intensity the man carried or the dark shadow his ash blond hair offered, but his eyes almost seemed to be.. glowing.

“W..Who are you?” You questioned, looking the brute up and down. Based on his style of clothes there was no doubt this man was a thief, most likely the leader of the raiders attacking your castle at the moment. Though with those thoughts aside you couldn’t help but take in his muscular body, from his lean chest to his chiseled face, this man was made specially by the gods.

Just as you were about to finish your version of an inspection you felt your body freeze up. This was all making sense now. Crimson eyes like the blood of his enemies, ash blond hair the color of dull sand, cool pale skin...

“W..Wait a moment, you’re Bakugou Katsuki!” You shouted, only for your mouth to be covered yet again as the thief scowled before you.

“Gee shout out across the fucking world why don’t you!”

Narrowing your eyes you suddenly bit the man’s hand causing a string of curses to escape his lips before he jumped back to glare at you, only your glare was much more fierce.

“You’re Bakugou Katsuki! My kingdom’s number one enemy, how dare you make your presence known here! I’ll scream as loud as I want to get you away-”

Just before you could say another word, your body was pressed against the wall again, but this time not as peacefully. The ash blond looked down to your darkly, his arm against your neck while his other hand held your wrists.

“I wouldn’t do that if I were you princess, I can get a lot fucking scarier...” Bakugou hissed before moving in close to your ear, “Believe me.”

Goosebumps ran over your arms as he held you close, a small string of saliva sliding down your throat before you nodded in assurance to him.

“Now, don’t you worry your little stockings off, I’m not here to attack your precious kingdom, I’m only here for their little flower.” Bakugou said with a smirk, his index finger lifting your chin up to meet his.

Your (e/c) eyes widened a bit as you stared at him with slight confusion mixed with fear, “M..Me? Why me?”

Bakugou slightly loosened up on you, his tongue clicking as he rolled his eyes down to you.

“Please don’t act dumb princess, I know you recognize me.” The ash blond hissed, but once he saw you continued dumbfound expression he let out a sigh, “Those strange dreams you’ve been having? Your mind deceiving you while you’re awake? Who the hell do you think that’s been?”

Blinking for a moment you soaked in his words, hating that you knew exactly what he was talking about. All those visions you had.. those late night dreams.. even the ones where you and the mysterious person...

Suddenly a bright flush reached your cheeks as you looked up to him disgustedly, “How dare you corrupt my dreams like that!”

For once the ash blond looked a bit shocked before his sharp glare returned, “Hey it’s not just me miss, you’ve been in all my shitty dreams too! You’re all I could ever fucking think about! You know how annoying it’s been?”

Stopping for a moment you looked him up and down, as much as you hated to admit it he was right, everything was beginning to add up. The only question left was... why?

“Why could we be sharing these intimate dreams with each other you might ask? Bakugou purred, sending chills through you as he either read your expression or read your mind, “My isn’t it obvious my dear princess, we were obviously born for each other. I mean just look at us! I’m the most powerful-

thief in the world, and you’re the most loved princess in the world. It’s the perfect example of opposites coming together to become one of power!”

Biting at your lower lip you looked down for a bit, your eyes fluttering due to the overwhelming amounts of information, “I..I...”

“Come on princess how could you be doubtful! Together we would be fucking unstoppable! Have you yet forgotten of our wonderful dreams?” Bakugou questioned, moving in close to you but not in a threatening way.. no his step had something else in mind as his left palm gripped your waist and his right palm reached up to your chin, his calloused thumb running against your lower lip, “Have you forgotten how I was able to bring that masterpiece of a body so much pleasure?”

At this you felt your jaw clench, your body locking up as his lips grew close to your ear, his warm breath dancing across your jawline, “How could I ever forget those harmonious sounds you made for me, I remember every inch and curve of your body princess.”

Biting your lip you winced at the feeling of his lips pressing against your flesh, how could something that felt and sounded so good feel so poisonous?

Coming back to your sense for a moment you shoved the boy back, his smooth words that were previously clouding your memory vanishing away.

“Whether you were truly the man in my dreams or not, I do not care!” You exclaimed, pulling out your dagger once again and pointing it at him, “You are a monster to my kingdom and it is my duty to take you down!”

Bakugou seemed to be a bit shocked at your actions, his crimson eyes widening just a bit before they narrowed, his previous swagger already returning.

“Oh but is it? You know along with these cursed dreams, I’ve been able to feel your thoughts as well...” Bakugou purred, moving closer to you as you continued to hold the knife to him, “I know you hate it here, this life isn’t meant for you princess. Though you have the radiance of a royal being, your soul is made for more, and you know this.”

Gritting your teeth you shut your eyes, refusing to listen to his words.

“Why do you try and avoid this my princess, do you really wish to continue living this hell of a life? I could offer you everything you want and more!”

At this point you couldn’t stop your hand from shaking, your body beginning to tremble in fear. But this time the fear wasn’t because of the man before you, it was because of the truth in his words. It was as if he was your own conscience talking to you.

The ash blond seemed to pick up this achilles heel in your immediately, his sinister smirk reappearing to his expression as he continued moving, his callous hand smoothly wrapping around your wrist before moving your arm so that you were pressing the knife against his neck.

“But please princess, if this is really what you desire...” Bakugou muttered, his crimson eyes looking deeply into your own, “Then do what you must.”

How could this all be happening? So quickly? So soon? These dreams had only been appearing since you were eighteen. You knew you should have told your parents, you should have told the magic makers, surely they could have fixed this curse you’ve been placed under.

But you didn’t, and now the curse was taking over your mind. Shaking furiously you attempted to press the knife up harder against his neck, gritting your teeth as you used every bit of will power you could before you let out a gasp, the dagger dropping from your hand and clanking against the stone floor.

With a dark chuckle the ash blond kicked the dagger away, now moving his body close to yours as he looked you up and down as if you were his prize at a carnival.

“Good girl.”

A chill seeped up your spine at these words, your body freezing has his palms moved up your sides before his lips reattached to your neck ever so gently.

“It feels good doesn’t it? Finally giving in to your body’s needs, giving into the fate you were destined with, hm?” Bakugou purred as he lightly nipped at your skin, soaking up every whimper that poured out of your mouth.

Moving back up to face you he smirked, loving the flustered expression mixed with confession and pleasure on your face, “This feels good doesn’t it (L/n)?”

God the sound of his words made you want to explode, the last bit of your sanity now holding on by a thread, the only thought in your mind now was unleashing this passion you’ve been bottling up all year on this man. But that small bit of sanity remained stubborn, that screaming voice in the back of your head telling you to run as far away as you could while you still could.

“If you want me to stop (L/n)...” Bakugou huskily whispered in your ear as his knee pressed up against your clothed crotch causing you to gasp sharply before he moved his lips close to yours, “Then all you have to do is say the magic words.”

You weren’t sure if it was the way Bakugou muttered those last words, the closeness of his lips with yours, or the way he was passionately looking into your eyes, but you were long lost after that.

Moving forward you pressed yourself up against the ash blond, your arms snaking around his neck and gripping onto the small hairs at the nape of his neck as you kissed him passionately.

All that was heard from Bakugou was a muffled ‘fuck yeah’ before he took your lips into his own. It only took him a few seconds to take complete control of your mouth, his body moving back to press you against the stone wall once more as he lifted you into his arms.

“You don’t know how fucking long I’ve waited for this my Princess (L/n),” Bakugou rasped in between kisses, his teeth now relentlessly tearing at your neck, your once pure skin being marked as his own, “Now you’re my corrupted flower you fucking hear me?”

Letting out loud gasps and moans you tugged at the tips of his wild hair, his name continuously slipping from your lips before they smashed against his own once more.

While those thoughts in the back of your mind were still echoing at you to stop, they were now trumped with the voices of acceptance. Everything about this just felt so right, almost as if you knew from the day you were born that this was supposed to happen.

This was the man you were supposed to be with, this was your soulmate.

Just as the ash blond broke from your lips he gave you his delicious smirk of mischief, his eyes glowing with power as he drank up your disheveled form. 

“My gods you are simply stunning my princess, please scream my fucking name so I know this is real.” Bakugou hissed, his lips tracing down your jawline as soft mewls escaped your lips.

Leaning your head back against the wall you allowed the thief more access to the crevices of your neck, “O..Oh Katsu-”

Just before you could get his name out of your lips the cry of your name echoed through the gardens, your eyes widening when you recognized the voice as your beloved watch guard.

Looking down to Bakugou with fear evident in your eyes, he only seemed annoyed with the inconvenience.

“For fucks sake I told shitty hair to take care of him...”

Suddenly your eyes widened at the sound of this, “W..Wait what?”

Without question, Bakugou pressed his finger against your lips to silence you.

“Tell your guard that one of the raiders tried to attack you but you scared him away, you never saw me correct?”

Blinking for a moment he looked at you with stern eyes, “Who did you never see?”

“B..Bakugou Katsuki, I never saw Bakugou Katsuki.”

The ash blond grinned, bending down to hand you your dagger before moving close to you, “That’s my good princess, now go back to your little friends.”

Frowning a bit you tugged at his shirt just as he began to walk away, his eyes softening for a bit when he saw your confusion, “What about you? Where will you-”

Before you could finish the ash blond smashed his lips up against yours, his tongue taking in every inch of your mouth, making sure not to pull away until you were a panting mess.

“I’ll be back for you soon enough don’t you worry,” Bakugou purred, a smirk on his face as he began to back away, “I do appreciate your eagerness, you’ll be seeing me soon...

...my corrupted flower.”

[ear]

PLEASE share your vld reboot ideas aja the show canon is garbage and your mind is so galaxy brain

OK OK ALRIGHT!!!!!!!!!! alright so idk what kind of. earth landscape this reboot occurs in…. like yallve got this retro 80s/90s neon future verse going on but i didnt think my reboot version would fit into that so yall go wild with whatever hc for this earth reboot thing u want cuz im not creative and i didnt really think that far ahead

ALRIGHT here we go. this is so long i HAVE to put this under the cut but i hope yall enjoy the creations of my MIND……

- akeno “KEITH” shirogane: (age: 19) [gay] hes japanese/black/galran. hes still half galra in this reboot bc i fuck with that honestly but hes got more visible galran traits. his bottom canines are larger than usual and poke out from his bottom lip so he wears a mask to cover his mouth and his eyes r still purple but instead of his sclera being yellow(tinted), hes just like. got some odd golden flecks in his eyes. he normally wears a dirty mechanics jumpsuit with the top half tied around his waist and a black or white tank top underneath (hes still a high school flunk out so he works full time at a car repair shop so hes able to buy food and shit at LEAST + hes still got his motorcycle to keep in shape). his casual clothes r just regular grey sweats, hoodies, and adidas or whatever brand is closest in their future lol. hes blood related to shiro who ill get to in a second.. shiros blood related to him as his uncle (brother of keiths dad) ALSO his hair isnt long in this reboot, hes got a short messy head of hair that he mostly just pulls back into a TINY little pony tail on his forehead (like in the game show ep) so it doesnt get in his face while hes working. he also has goggles bc thats the one thing from yalls reboot ideas i actually like (endgame lion: he momentarily pilots black during shiros disappearance but his permanent and stationary lion is red)

- fal’allura “fala, ALLURA” naguna’ephy: [lesbian] (age: 21 or close to that in alien standards) shes altean on her fathers side and teem (what we’re gonna call nymas race) on her mothers side. she bares more altean features except her eyes are solid yellow and shes only got four fingers on each hand. instead of crescent shaped facial markings, she has painted on red and golden lines across her nose and her upper lip. her hair (very dark purple with silver highlights and literal glowing, twinkling stars) is VERY long, brushing the floor as she walks except and (now bear with me cuz this might be hard to explain) her hair, the farther down u look kind of fades away? like it becomes semi to absolute transparent… idk how else to explain it but i hope u understand…. she does wear a crown but its more like a headdress.. (imagine beyonces headdress).. she doesnt wear it often, usually only on diplomatic missions to greet other worldly rulers bc its heavy and it makes her neck hurt :/.. her dress! looks like this! but a little more spiffy .. u know.. her casual/training clothes are just…. idk imagine a royal looking sports bra and leggings?? i guess … ALSO ALSO ALSO she can still shape shift but instead of limiting her shifting to just the changing of skin tone and height, she can completely mimic different alien species but only humanoid races.. like she can have those indented looking knees and huge ass horns and all that but she cant like. turn into an earth lizard u know what im saying. also also also also she still speaks with an accent just… not a british one….(endgame lion: no lion. she keeps leading and piloting the castle ship until destruction, where she leads and pilots the atlas)

- alejandro “LANCE, ale” reyes-leon: (age: 19 ½) [bi] hes cuban/black/vietnamese. his dad is black and vietnamese and his mom is cuban! hes got longish afro textured hair he keeps back in a pony tail most of the time like this or a bun when training bc hes too lazy to put any actual effort into styling it. hes got a couple moles/freckles scattered across his face and hes got sectoral heterochromiaaround his left pupil so theres a little bit of blue in one of his other wise dark brown eyes (like this).. i havent really figured out what his clothing style is.. i thought about keeping his clothes close to vld canon like his jacket (bc that was a really good jacket) but im gonna go a little wild here so hold on. he wears one of those surfer type looking skin tight turtleneck shirts underneath his heavy bomber jacket.. he wears just regular ripped jeans and hightops like in canon…….. hmm……. he wears a pink bead necklace under his shirt that was made by his little cousin just a couple weeks before he was shot off into space and he hasnt taken it off since…………. he also has a tiny stick and poke tattoo on his ankle he did when he was thirteen bc he thought it would look cool but it turned out kinda lop sided so he never takes his socks off in embarrassment (endgame lion: blue to red (during keiths reign as black paladin) then to black when shiro leaves voltron to lead the atlas alongside allura)

- takashi “SHIRO” shirogane: (age: 31) [gay] hes japanese/black. hes keiths uncle and the only family keith really has .. his design doesnt really change much except hes got long hair (like kuron) but its pulled up into a messy bun or pony tail.. in MY canon hes still gay and married to adam (whos name isnt adam i just cant think of a new name for him yet) (and adam lives dont worry) and theyre working on adopting a daughter before shiro has to leave for kerberos. shiro usually dresses in work out outfits so like. gym shorts… tank tops.. leggings.. imagine those white blonde dudes who always wear a man bun and only eat vegan and drink chai from starbucks bc thats exactly how shiro acts but ONLY ironically ……… when shiros abducted on the galra freighter and forced to fight in the ring, his hair streaks white but instead of just a clean scar across his nose, he has multiple long scars scattered across his face from a one x one between his face and some debris thrown at him by a gladiator. his prosthetic looks and remains kinda the same i guess but this time its decked out with claws on the finger tips so it looks a little more galran yeah? (endgame lion: no endgame lion. he pilots the atlas alongside allura)

- francesca “frannie, frankie, PIDGE” eleonora: (age: 15) [trans girl lesbian] shes . just italian i guess. so anyway shes not gonna be an asshole bitch like canon pidge.. shes gonna be the caring sweet but KINDA mean little sister we always wished we had.. the little sister who would tell u, with all honesty, that ur winged eyeliner was smudged before u hit the town with the girls and made a fool of urself……. ANYWAY shes still gonna be the ‘hacker’/computer geek techno girl but not as much ykno? shes JUST a little girl so she just kinda does her own thing. i rlly like all the fanart i see of her wearing overalls and stuff SO thats her canon design…… she wears faded overall jeans over a short sleeved pale pink tshirt w a dog one it and scuffed up chucks. she wears glasses but instead of just taking them from matt she has an actual prescription and is basically blind without them. i literally cannot stress this enough but shes such a nice girl like the team pretty much adopted her as their little sister the moment they boarded the castle ship. idk what else to add on to her!!!! i literally did not put any thought into pidge at all! (endgame lion: permanently green)

- opetaia“HUNK” tuitama: (age: 19 ¾) [bi] hes samoan/black. hunk was adopted and has two moms and three other siblings, all of who are younger than him. im not sure about his fashion other than i KNOW deep down in my heart that he would wear cargo shorts…. i cant find it in me to get rid of his bandana thing so i let him keep it except he uses it to tie his hair up instead of using it as a head band thing….. HUNK in my au is more of a tech freak/engineer than pidge so he handles most of that stuff with the occasional help from pidge (like wiring… she has tiny fingers that can grab the wires easier) hunk probably wears the crocs/sandals with socks combo but just because he loves hearing lance bitch about it whnever he struts into a room. hunk also looks good in his vest so im gonna let him keep that but it looks more modified… like it has a bunch of pockets and stuff to keep bolts and nuts and other stuff he needs to work with.. thats also why he wears cargo shorts; just for the pockets.. (endgame lion: permanently yellow)

also ur probably wondering “if lance is in black and keith is in red and allura doesnt pilot a lion, THEN WHOS PILOTING BLUE????” …….. heh… peep this………..

- ADAM elsammak-althani(thank u mal @fuckvld for ur gorgeous arabic adam hcs..): (age: 32) [gay] i dont have much to say about him other than read mals hc lists and that ADAM LIVES IN MY REBOOT and he also joins the voltron team and pilots the blue lion (i FIRMLY hc that hes a very free/wild spirit and just loves to make jokes and is just.. a really fun guy to be around and obviously blue would open up to him in a SECOND. dont even @ me) (endgame lion: BLUE!)

[boglog]

HoC Onion !

[TW mention of sexual abuse/violence]

I’m foregoing the pros/cons format here but generally-speaking my negative points are still gathered at the top w the highlights near the end.

Obviously, between letting a sex offender have a platform in mass media and potholes, I’d choose the latter. My below crits absolutely are not a demand for Spacey to be brought back and he can die in a fire for all i care. I just wish his character’s absence was not the nº1 reason for this season not making any sense

as far as i can gather, this season’s primary arc is as much about Frank’s death (in lieu of Doug’s) as it is Claire’s emotional and political divorce from Frank while she undergoes your traditional postbreakup analysis of who she was pre Frank and post Frank and were Frank actually there this idea might have legs

...but instead we have Doug ://

the level of intensity that the plot demands cannot be carried by forcing Doug into being a deeper character than he was intended, all the way until the end, he truly just reads as either a pitiful sadist or a henchman. It’s disharmonious and dangerously close to bad. 

Frances Underwood makes more sense if Frank dies in episode 8!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! She’s literally going to be his reincarnation!!!!!!!

literally...who cares if Doug gets stabbed by Frank’s letter opener? whomst?

Doug can’t be Frank’s proxy, but sans a certain pedoph*le, the plot will just have to suffer. 

Other side effects of Doug’s undeserved promotion include but are not limited to: 

forcing Doug to share the role of antagonist with the Shepards, yet another New Villain © that feels totally unnecessary and confusing (the Conways at least got two seasons)

Frank’s diary feels forced and out of character for someone decidedly so unsentimental  

How does Claire have a bun in the oven when she clearly didnt sleep with Frank for all of season 5 and locked herself in her room while he was being assassinated? How is a Dramatic paternity test not going to be insisted upon in the show’s universe?

fixation on Frank’s will as a McGuffin is really... I don't know boring considering no one cares for the guy? What property of his does claire stand to lose? I’m sure the rich people fandom can speculate but i honestly needed this manifested in the show via some examples instead of the grand abstraction that is The Will bc losing Frank’s assets would set Claire back but it would not directly threaten her presidency. Not to mention that i’m not entirely sure Frank’d have Doug of all people as his sole heir if it didn't serve as revenge against Claire, which just lowers Doug’s importantance even more

Frank never cared for Doug, a largely unlikeable character, which we already knew from the beginning, so Doug’s entire arc is pathetic at best as well as his tangential inclusion in the Cliare v Frank arc

My major problems with Doug’s character began as early as season 4. 

Did not understand why they didn't actually have Doug switch sides by joining the Dunbar campaign in earnest in season 4. Like... it’s such an obvious opportunity to Thicken The Plot © that it’s reached this gif levels of dropping the ball:

P much everything about Doug’s character since then is just so.... lacking, while for the last few seasons they give him depth when he magically has empathy for one (1) woman before she dies (possibly as a direct result of his actions). This entire plot about him evaluating why he was so loyal to Frank could've been unpacked whilst he avoids Dunbar finding out about the murders he did commit. I’d rather him having agency than be a flat, troubled underling.

Aright I'm going to stop complaining about Doug. In season 3 and 4, his insecurity over being replaced and his sacrifices for Frank (and subsequent guilt) came close to giving us a real Moment with him as we delve more into how colourless his life outside of work really is. But beyond that, when his character started getting repetitive, there’s very little to compensate for his alternating acts of extreme narcissism/violence versus his childish confusion / self pity when he doesn’t get what he wants.

Anyways I'm basically at a point where I’d be okay if Frank’s long-lost cousin replaced Doug replacing Frank 

I’m appreciating the writers’ distinct refrain from plot formats and that the seasons progressively move towards the Underwoods but what if just for circularity and added balance we return to having a full-on reporter B plot in s6? More emphasis on Janine and Tom’s sleuthing, culminating in Tom’s assassination and Janine publishing the tell-all expose against Frank---including a reference to Zoe---that becomes the magnum opus of her career (and Claire using that against Frank). I just think the season needed more balance that Doug, the Shepards and Tom were not offering 

The Shepards and Tom, meanwhile, are decidedly banal. First of all, I had a hard time even telling Bill and Tom apart esp given that they were introduced one after the other. All white guys are the same.

Bill just kind of sits around until he has a platform to reference his favourite action movies doesn't he?

Moreover what does Tom do!? he doesn't want power, he doesnt seem to want anything. He’s just kind of there?

Unlike the Conways, the Shepards don’t have a clear goal and are not often in direct conflict with Claire the way Frank and Conway were. They want to control the presidency for money and Claire is always bouncing back from reliving her girlhood to political rivalry w Anette, yes, but what does that mean? What are the consequences? The logistics are so indirect and complicated, what precisely does Anette want? And why does anyone care? The Shepards are extremely boring.

Frank’s asides were purple and long af so I appreciate Claire’s succinct style not to mention her fantastic screen presence. I’m left to wonder, though, if maybe hers and every other aside in HoC is a little too on the nose. Like, they didn't hafta spell it out that the bird in the wall was a representation of Frank’s shadow trapping her, I think we got that 

The artistic intercuts to Claire’s troubled childhood wherein a group of bullies coerce her into stripping naked through the forest, while visually stunning and clever for its self-explanatory nature, feel really passive. They don't visually show us any reason for her not to resist, the bullies even let her keep her clothes after cutting them off her so we’re left to wonder why she does nothing....

Claire was raised to be ~proper~ so her resistance (likely) comes in the form of biting, passive-aggressive poise which is hard to get across in a silent montage but it just feels.. weird

Frances Underwood is going to have a very sad childhood

nearly all the Claire flashbacks are cinematic masterpieces and as much i think Claire’s backstory deserves more attention, i also appreciate the minimalism and the choice humanising moments of her adolescence 

listen I'm sure we all agree Robin Wright is peak acting but the actor for young Claire, who has the arguably harder task of copying Wright is fantastic 

Of all the characters who crop up every season seemingly out of nowhere only to disappear once more once when the plot the Underwoods are done with them, Jane is one of my favourites and possibly one of the greyest characters alive. Smart, mysterious, worldly, a bit of a hippie despite her job, severe despite her sense of humour. Really loves her extremely pedestrian surname. We stan.

Secondary characters rarely get anything close to a backstory on this show, esp ones that were introduced so late. Still, her motivations seem more complicated then others (i.e. betraying Cathy, one of two people she cares about) and I wonder if they deserve a bit more of an explanation. Especially seeing as she has a relationship with every major character.

If anyone deserves a spin-off it might be Jane and her name-dropping career/social life

Cathy faking her own death with a terrible french accent? On stan !!!

Seth teasing Doug even while he’s completely undervalued by everyone around him is a power move

Impressed that they managed three characters named Tom, their distinctly different appearances and the fact that they're almost never in the same POV shots works to separate them.

Claire using the word “female” even facetiously is cringe

Whenever they use the cinema room, the movie they watch is always symbolic. Before the 2017 election, Frank and Claire imitate the characters in Double Indemnity, and this season a pregnant claire watches Rosemary’s Baby. Clever.

i liked the whitehouse tour guide’s inclusion and the cameo from _____ though this season was especially white without their usual token secondary character

So overall i liked season 6 as an exploration of Claire’s character even while it did v little justice to most of the other characters and unfortunately spacey’s absence did affect the storyline

and finally: that cinnamontography !

Not that the series should be pushed past its prime, but wouldn’t it be interesting to see Claire as a mother?

[surveys-at-your-service]

Survey #194

“i’m numb to the pleasure but still feel the pain.”

Do you still talk to the person you last made out with? Yeah. What kind of vitamins did you take as a kid? I believe I first had those Flintstones ones, then later Mom got the gummy type. Have you ever gone to court? Only to explain to a judge why I thought my scheduled month-long stay in the psych hospital was unnecessarily long for my state. I was convinced all I needed to do was talk to Jason and boom, my problems would be gone. Safe to say, I was delusional. Glad I won that battle though considering I loathe that hospital for their extreme lack of therapy and activities to keep us occupied and out of our own heads. I was committed there I think five times and no stay did jack-shit. Are you friends with your neighbors? No. How long has it been since you’ve seen The Lion King? Years. But bitch when that live action remake comes out I'mma be the very first hoe at that theater. Have you ever had a crush on your siblings friend? No. What's the longest amount of time you’ve been on an airplane without changing flights? However long the flight to Michigan was. What’s the best wedding you’ve been to? My former dance instructor's. What time did you wake up this morning? Like, 7. What are you doing this weekend? There's no difference in weekends and weekdays for me. I'm sure I'm doing nothing. What’s your favorite Disney movie? TLK. Do you wear colored contacts? No, but honestly I'd love more sapphire blue ones if they're a prescription and not just cosmetic. Who was the last person you went to the movies with? I think Mom? Or did I go with Dad later? When’s the last time you spent time with your cousins? I haven't seen Robby since '15, but Audrey passed through with my uncle sometime last year. My other cousins, hell if I know. Why did you fall for the last person romantically? Good Lord, that's an essay. Just more than anything, I think it was the fact that she cares so deeply about animals and people alike and is passionate about what's right and wrong. Can you speak in a different language conversationally? If so, which language? I could maybe manage a very simple German convo? Do you ever fear falling asleep? No, but I do rather frequently don't look forward to it, or at least the process of falling asleep. I don't go quickly. What’s the last thing you had to eat? A bagel. Would you rather eat all day or exercise all day? I don't believe you physically could eat all day? And exercising, I'm assuming you'd eventually pass out? But let's be hypothetical. I'd have to choose exercise, I care way too much about not gaining weight. Does one eye tend to be weaker than the other? Yes, my right is considerably worse. What do you think of guys who ask girls out over via text message or internet? It's definitely not my preferred method, but do it if you don't have the courage to in person/just can't for whatever reason. Have you ever had a churro? I believe I have? If I'm remembering the correct treat, it was unbelievably too sweet and I didn't like the crunch. What’s one thing you like about your town? The town itself is real old-fashioned and small. Did you believe that alcohol is more dangerous then weed? I know it is. Do you drink more apple or orange juice? Orange. Are you a fan of the Grand Theft Auto series? Never played, but I highly doubt I'd enjoy it. Do you like the beach? If it wasn't for the wind, blistering heat, and sand. So basically, I don't. I only like being in the ocean. Do you or did you have a curfew at one point? No. Well, correction, if it was a school night before high school and I was out with a friend, I'm sure Mom established something, but idr. Do you peel the wrappers off of plastic bottles? No. What do you think is the youngest age someone should lose their virginity? No younger than 16. But at any age, be. Smart. Have you ever played Super Smash Brothers? I think at friends' as a kid? What do you like on your sundaes? Like, just chocolate syrup lmao. Have you done anything productive today? Well, I exercised some. Do you believe in abstaining from sex until marriage? What I care about is waiting for a person you feel truly in love with. I actually feel like abstaining could be a bad idea, as I'd assume for some people, the desire to have sex would play a factor in them wanting to get married, so marriage could potentially be rushed for the sake of that when you're not adequately prepared in other areas. What is your sexual orientation? Bi. Do you put your name on your food coverings? If I was using a fridge at a job or whatever, yeah, but I'm not in that type of situation. What is something you have acquired with age? Open-mindedness. Would you ever go out in public sporting pajamas? Depends on where I'm going. Have you ever ridden in a race car? No. Do you enjoy history? No. Have you ever changed religions? Twice. Is there anyone to whom you are afraid to stand up to? Mom. And pretty much everyone else. Do you like making lists? Sometimes. Do you play sports with your siblings? Never di- oh wait, Mom signed all three of us up for cheerleading as little kids. Hated it. Are there stairs in your house? No. Do you like onions on your burger? A small amount of minced pieces is fine. Could you ever give yourself a shot? Yeah. What is your favorite room to clean? I get the most satisfaction out of cleaning my own. Do you enjoy cleaning? Not the process of it, just the feeling afterwards. What do you consider your ideal weight? My /ideal/ would be around 120 again, but I'd be happy enough between 130-140. How many pounds do you need to lose (or gain) to be your ideal weight? LET US NOT What is your favorite thing about Valentine’s Day? Just it being a celebration of love, which to me, goes beyond just romantic. I think people should spend a little extra effort in letting one another know they really love each other. Now I believe every day you should treat people with love, but seriously focus on it and be thankful for those you have. If you wear one, what color is your wristwatch? N/A Have you ever made a pair of earrings? No. Who did you inherit your hair color from? I actually think Dad? Going through family pictures after Grampa died, I found out he was actually born dirty-blonde (I've only known him with black), like I was. Pretty sure Mom's was always brown. Have you ever wished that you were born in a different era? Woulda loved being born in the mid-early '80s. Do you prefer soft rock or hard rock? ....... I read "rock" as in like, minerals. And I was. Very confused. High on the list of my dumbest readings. Anyway, definitely hard. What was the best time of your life? As a kid. Do you prefer sunny or cloudy weather? Partly cloudy. How do you like your potatoes? For most of my life I only liked them as fries or as potato skins w/ cheese and bacon bits, but I'm gradually branching out. I like baked potatoes split with cheese and bacon inside too, and Sara's mom exposed me to the very first time I enjoyed mashed potatoes, yeet. So those have to be made a very specific, non-clumpy way. I also like hash browns, but not the shredded kind. Oh yeah, I live for the fiesta potatoes at Taco Bell too like gd good shit. Who’s your best friend? My babygirl. <3 If you don't count her, it'd be my mom, but if she's excluded too being family, I don't really have a best friend. Maybe Girt, idk. What’s a TV show you never miss? I don't watch any shows regularly. The one and only situation where I'd watch every episode ASAP is if Meerkat Manor came back. Have you ever lied about your gender? No. What are you planning on doing on your next birthday? Go out to eat with family, and though unlikely, getting a tattoo would be awwwesome. Do you know anyone else with your last name other than family? I don't think so? Is your favorite band still together? I actually just looked it up because I really wanted to know, and his band's still going, apparently! I thought this coming tour ("No More Tours 2") was the end, but apparently it's just the finale of his world tours. Where do you see most of your concerts? I've only been to one, which was in Raleigh. That's the most likely place we'd go to, though. Have you ever had escargot? Never in my life will I try it. Do you use Google every day? No. What was the last new food you tried that you thought was delicious? Oh my god in Heaven. So, for Christmas, my sis made these hot chocolate cream balls things she found on Pinterest, and literally, maybe the best thing I'd ever had. I just barely had enough discipline to not eat more than one lol. If you could invent a new holiday, what month would you put it in? Hm. Idk. Have you ever had a bedroom with a specific theme? No, I don't think so. If you had to design a room with a theme, what theme would you choose? Gothic, maybe with lil bits of pastel goth for some more personality. What was the best thing that ever happened to you? Realizing I can't just give my entire life to a person, losing any control over it myself. You have to allow yourself to be free; do not chain yourself to a single person. Have you ever given money to a homeless person? No. One, I don't have a source of income, and two, I'm perfectly aware what probably 99% do with it, especially because of my mom, who's pretty much made friends with the homeless on the side of the road, has learned each and every one use drugs or alcohol, so instead she buys them food frequently. That's something I would want to do, but I'm so paranoid of strangers, especially desperate ones, harming me for whatever reason that I probably never will. Do you like your hair better long or short? SHORT. OH MY GOOOOOD CUTTING MY HAIR SHORT WAS ONE OF MY BEST DECISIONS. Have you ever designed your own Facebook timeline cover? Yeah. What is one site that closed down that you wish would come back? Hmmmm. I don't really know. Well, the Animal Planet site still exists, but I wish there was still a dedicated MM section, y'know, with the forums and games and such. Really think it'd be nice if they kept little sections for all of their classic, better-known shows for old fans. Hell, I'm pretty sure MM was their most successful, why not keep remnants of it up there? Do you ever watch TV shows on YouTube? Rarely, if I ever watch a show. Foo Fighters vs. Red Hot Chili Peppers: Not a real fan of either, but I'd have to choose the former as I enjoy at least two of their songs. Have your parents ever complained about your hair? My mom was reeeaaally shocked and distressed when she arrived at the parlor when I got the "big" haircut and saw how much was gone (eight inches), but only because she was scared I'd hate it. Thankfully she really liked it when it was all said and done. Are you a fan of the Saw movies? Never really watched 'em. How did you decide on your Tumblr name? I'm a sucker for alliteration, and it's a survey blog. Do your friends have the complete opposite music taste as you? My closer friends, not really, actually. Do you ever forget how old your siblings are? I don't know any of my half-siblings' ages, and I forget how old Ashley is sometimes. I forget frequently if she's two or three years older than me. Do you tend to walk places more than drive? Ha, you can't walk to a destination here in the country. I only ever ride/rarely drive anywhere. Do you have any photos of you kissing someone? Yes. Do you ever hang out with your ex? Rarely with Girt. Would you like the ability to read minds? No, especially if you can't choose when it's "on" or "off." Even if you only choose when you do it, idk. Just... doesn't seem like a safe idea. Do you see the same people everyday? Lol that's usually just my mom, and yes. Have you ever made out on a couch? Yeah. Are you mad at anyone right now? No. It’s 4 in the morning, your phone rings, what do you do? Almost a guarantee I won't hear, considering it's on vibrate. Now if I did for whatever reason, ignore it unless it's a contact on my phone. Have you ever fallen backwards on a chair? I believe so, playing as a kid. Last time you laughed so hard you cried? I'm not sure, but considering I do that easily... Who last talked about kissing you? Sara. Who was the last thing/person you took a picture with? My kiiiitty. Did you speak to your father today? No. Would you ever get gauged ears? Definitely no. What aren’t you looking forward to? I really don't mean to sound all emo and whatnot, but I genuinely don't look forward to like every afternoon/early evening, as that's around when I hit my extreme boredom decline, which goes so low I feel death could maybe be more exciting. I am in no way suicidal, I just want this era of isolation, lack of purpose, and no progress towards a great future to end. My life's been at a stand-still for pretty much a year. Would you rather get your tongue or lip pierced? I already have both done. I find my snake eyes way cuter, but when I consider my outward appearance and what people generally see, I'd rather have my labret. What is your favorite personality trait? Kindness. What is the most romantic thing a significant other could do? Idk, but something with deep personal meaning for sure. When you are dating someone, what is the most important thing to you? There has to be a mutual, serious care for our relationship; my partner has to understand I'm not in for a fling. We both have to have the goal of forming and maintaining a healthy, long-lasting, meaningful relationship. If I feel being together is a game to you or just for a couple months of a bit of fun, bye. Would you be able to tell someone you love them, even if you didn’t feel it? No. Well, I do with my mom if she's pissed me off and I *feel* like I don't, but I know I do. If you were engaged, would you want a wedding as soon as possible? Not necessarily. I believe engagement is a stage where you're certain you want to get married in the not-so-distant future, but you have other important things to take care of first, like for example, buying a home and stuff like that. When in a relationship do you have to have contact with your partner on a daily basis? I wouldn't freak the hell out if you couldn't talk to me for a day, but I'd definitely want at least a little conversation, especially if we're serious. Do you believe in moving in together before engagement or marriage? Yes. You should know how you're going to handle being with your s/o every single day. Did you ever give a hickey to the last person you kissed or you guys didn’t go that far? Not yet. Is there anyone you want to come see you? Yeah. What was the last thing you saw that scared you? A video of this guy with his giant pet centipede like an idiot (super venomous) crawling all over him. Centipedes creep me the hell out, although at the same time I find them kinda cool. Is there something that’s happened today that you don’t want to ever go through again? No. Is the last person you kissed attractive? Yeah. Do you feel bored with your life? I think I've covered this enough. Who’s someone you miss that you haven’t talked to in years? Megan, more than anyone. Do you have severe withdrawals from medications? I don't think any were ever severe, but I was weaned off of them all I believed. Just honestly I've been on so many since 6th grade that I can't recall each one's ending. I only recall having shadow hallucinations when I was coming off one. What’s the most weight you’ve ever gained from a medication? Let's not talk about the subject I'm more bitter about than anything else in the entire world. Summary: Don't touch Abilify even if your fucking life depended on it. Do you have a doctor you can trust? My psychiatrist and therapist, very much so. I've only seen my new general doctor twice, so I can't make a fair judgment of her. Mom has a friend who sees her though, and she only has positive things to say about her. Do you pray? If yes, to whom? No. What do you miss about high school? A social life. Art class. What do you miss the most about college? Literally the one and only part I enjoyed at my first college was lunchtime, because Jason and I could spend time together, sometimes with his friends. Second college, nothing. It was online. Have you ever been the victim of a crime? I don't believe so? Is your life worse than you could have ever have imagined it to be? Or is it better, or just what you expected? Ohhhh man... As a kid, I was so sure I'd be amazing. Still had a bit of hope in middle school. High school and beyond, it's, so far, worse than I'd planned. What is the most beautiful landscape you have ever seen? Mountains. Driving through them is unreal. What is one place you have always wanted to visit? Idk about "always." But for the longest amount of time, it's been without a doubt South Africa. Who were your favorite celebrities as a child? Steve Irwin was and still is one of my absolute heroes. I loved Jeff Corwin, Jesse McCartney, Raven Symone, and the Sprouse twins, too. Do you prefer slow songs or fast songs? I'd say generally, faster. What color is your trash can? White. Who was your favorite family pet when you were growing up? We didn't really have a "family" pet, just ones one of us individually were particularly close to. I'd say the closest that qualifies would be Chance, our first cat. She was special. List five of your favorite YouTubers. You Already Know, GameGrumps, Shane Dawson, Daniel Howell, and Jeffree Star, but. I have so many jsfaqoweuoapsf. I wanna squeeze Rhett and Link in there, but while I still love them as people and creators, I've been losing interest in GMM over the months. What’s your favorite type of bird? Barn owls. I also love ravens though for their intelligence and personalities. What pet names do you use with your significant other? A lot, but I'd say either "sweetheart/sweetie" or "dear" are most common from me. I think. How would you describe your sense of humor? Sarcastic, I guess. Have you ever been a member in a band? No. Well, except school band. Have you ever watched yourself on video? Yeeaah, senior project was fun. But I know how I usually am well enough to say I honestly don't feel I did badly. Have you ever missed a flight? Yup. Never go to the O'Hare airport, jfc. Have you ever seen a lunar eclipse? Yes, and I hope to see the one this Sunday! Are you still in touch with your best friend from high school? No. Any animals whose behaviors you find particularly interesting? AHHHHHHH SO MANY!!!!! Social species' above all. Do you like animals better than most humans? Yes. What simple things in life bring you the most joy? Long car rides when I can play my iPod through the speakers and just go to another world. Sara singing, hearing my mom laugh. Seeing old couples holding hands in public kills me. How did you meet your significant other (if you have one)? YouTube. How did you meet your best friend? She's the same person as above. Are you friends with anybody you didn't like at first? Also see Sara lmao. Are there any musicians you didn't like at first, but grew on you? The first/most recent to come to mind is In This Moment. Is there anything you used to love, but now dislike? Peas as a kid. I'm kinda on the fence of liking or disliking PewDiePie as he is now (although I haven't watched too much of his newer content). Do you have any favorite books you'd like to have signed by the author? It'd be pretty cool for Ozzy to sign my copy of his autobiography, sure. Do you enjoy any of those old black and white horror films? Any one I've ever seen has been horrid, so I haven't seen many. What is your favorite yogurt topping? I loved those ones that had M&Ms in them. Where do you shop the most: Kmart, Target, Walmart, Fred Meyer, or other? Walmart or Harris Teeter. Have you ever done a craft project you saw on Pinterest? No. What beverages do you drink that contain caffeine? Soda. What has been the best experience you've had in a church? Uhhh. Oh, Jason's brother's wedding. Do you prefer that your nachos be spicy or not spicy? Obviously spicy. Have you ever had a kiss that felt magical? Mine and Jason's first was cute, but I don't recall if I thought it was "magical" because all I was focusing on was just how shy I was. First kiss with Sara was definitely more than special. Who is your best online friend? Sara once again. Who knows more about you: online friends or offline? Online, easily. Do you think that love makes people irrational? It can. What book, movie, or TV show did you find to be total garbage? Oh, I'm positive there's something, but nothing comes to mind. Is there a topic that is a sore-spot for you? Mental health and how it may affect your loved ones. Have you ever lost a friend over a guy/girl? Pretty much. Have you ever lost a friend because of a lifestyle change? Yup. Do you like kissing? The right person. What location holds the most memories for you? My childhood home. Hypothetically let’s just say you’re a supervillain. What’s your agenda? What are you trying to destroy and why? I would never want to be, but I suppose the most suitable for me would be punishing the person to break a promise somehow. Why, because I know just how agonizing broken promises can be. What’s your go-to topic when making small talk with others? How their day's been. When you get to be in charge of the tunes on a road trip or party - do you play what you want to hear or tailor the playlist to what you think the other people in the car/room want to hear? I do a mix of both. Thankfully, Mom and I like most of the same music, but I do learn what songs she doesn't like and avoid playing them unless I really wanna hear it. You have any bad habits you shamelessly don’t care to or plan to quit? Shamelessly, idk about that. There’s an app for everything. What apps consume the most of your time and energy? Facebook. The most overrated thing ever - what is it? I literally judge you if you have a bigass, obnoxiously loud truck. Compensating for something? The most underrated? Ummmm. Talking about pointless shit and doing nothing while enjoying your favorite person's presence is surely one. What’s something you find unconventionally romantic? Teaching your s/o how to play a game together and you both are enjoying it asjfaoswuw. One of my most cherished memories with Jason was that with Little Big Planet. Just in general I find it super cute to share what you love with each other.

[mrsjihyunkim]

20 Seconds of Bravery Ch 18

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        When I walked into the living room I recognized the officer. He was older now but he was the one who always responded to calls about Jake and I when we were together, he was also Jake's cousin. When he saw me he put on the good cop act but his eyes said everything. He was enjoying this. I sat down next to V and he pecked me on the cheek before handing me the tea.

"Hello ma'am. Do you mind answering some questions?" I set the tea cup down and nodded.

"Of course officer. I want to do everything I can to catch the sick bastard who did this." When I said that the officers eye twitched and I knew I struck a nerve.

"That's understandable ma'am. Can you think of anyone who would want to cause you harm or distress?" I pretended to think about his question as if we both didn't already know the answer.

"Well maybe my ex boyfriend. He didn't handle our break up very well and I know that he's not happy about my current relationship. But this should all be in the file since I had pressed charges against him in the past."

"I see, and what were the charges against him?" The officer tapped his pen on his tiny notebook.

"Sexual assault and aggravated assault. There were other charges but those were the ones he was convicted for." I felt V squeeze my hand and it felt good to have him near. "These are all in the file and I'd rather not rehash them if I don't have to. It's not exactly fun to talk about." The officer nodded his head and looked to V.

"And you're the new boyfriend?" He asked as if trying to sum up V.

"Yes I am, but I don't see how that's relevant to the package that was delivered. It was nothing but malice towards MC."

"I'm just trying to sort everything out Sir. We want to find out who sent it as much as you." It took all my self control not to roll my eyes at him.

"But she just told you who was most likely to have sent it and you didn't ask anything else." I could see that V was getting angry.

"V it's alright. I'm sure the officer is just doing the job he was given." I looked back to the officer. "Do you have any other questions for me?"

"No ma'am. I think I have everything I need. I'll go through the file you mentioned and look into this ex of yours. If you think of anyone else in the meantime please feel free to call my direct line." He handed me a card and I put it on the coffee table.

"Thank you officer. I'm sure you'll find that file helpful and something happened to it or anything just call my lawyer. He made several copies just to be safe." The officer's eyes were flaming with anger now.

"Very well ma'am. Thank you for your cooperation." He turned around an quickly left the penthouse. Jumin locked the door behind him and walked over to us.

"Well that was a complete waste of time. Are you alright MC?" Jumin sat on the couch next to us and leaned back.

"I'm alright." I was still shaking but It was small now and I didn't think anyone would notice.

"And how are you V?" I could see that the question surprised V.

"I guess I'm mostly angry but I'm glad that MC is ok." He was pouring himself the last of the wine. "I knew he was going to try something but how did he even know that she was awake? The official hospital record said that she was brain dead." This had me choking on my tea.

"Wait, what?" V instantly regretted what he said. "I was pronounced dead?"

"Yes and no. The only way they would let us move you is under a hospice title. And the ER doctor honestly thought you wouldn't wake up. So according to that hospital you were dead. It probably says that we sought a second opinion but that hardly means anything. We all knew you would wake up though and we were right." I was still shocked that they actually said I was dead. "Please don't be upset MC."

"I'm not upset. It's just a bit to process. I mean with Jake and everything it makes sense but I wish you would of told me." I rubbed my temple with my hand and closed my eyes.

"To be fair, V wanted to tell you but the doctor told him that he should wait. Something about a possible relapse if we overwhelmed you too much." Jumin said from my left. I bit my lip not knowing what to say. "However V brings up a good point. Jake should not have known you were awake yet considering that you didn't even get to leave the building today. He must carefully be watching all of us." My head was really starting to hurt from the days events.

"Well we need to do something soon. And the police are going to be no help. That officer who was just here, that's Jake's cousin. He handles all the domestic calls for the city and he's always swept Jake's abuse under the rug. And the file that I mentioned to him probably doesn't even exist anymore. That's why I brought up my lawyer. He was an old friend of my moms and he made sure that several copies of the file was made."

"That's a very smart thing to do. Especially if he has help inside the police department." Jumin looked to V. "What do you want to do next V?" V leaned his head on his fist and knitted his eyebrows together.

"I think for now we should all just get some rest. This evening as been stressful on all of us." Jumin and I both nodded in agreement.

"Sounds like a good idea. Then I'll bid you too good night." With that Jumin disappeared into the penthouse and everything went silent.

"I guess I'll go get ready for bed then." I stood up from the couch and looked at V. "Are you coming too." He smiled at me and kissed my hand.

"I'll be right there. I'm just going to call Saeyoung and fill him in on everything." I leaned down and kissed him real quick.

"Alright. I'll see you in there." I left V to his phone call and headed to the room that Jumin was letting us stay in. I changed into a pair of sweatpants and a loose sweater that hung off my shoulder. As I brushed my teeth I could feel my exhaustion catching up to me. I washed my face and then got into the bed and almost instantly fell asleep. I was already half asleep by the V got into the bed and pulled me close to him. He was so warm that I couldn't fight it anymore and I drifted asleep in his arms. While I slept I dreamed that I was back home and my mom was sitting on my couch petting Azul. My eyes began to water and I ran to her. "Mom!" I tried to hug her but I fell right through her and onto the couch. Disappointment filled my heart. "This is a dream isn't it?" She nodded her head and put her hand near my cheek, I could swear that I felt the warmth of her hand. "I've missed you so much Mom. There's so much going on and I could really use your advice."

"I know sweetie. I'm sorry I can't be there for you, but I'm here now, so I'll do what I can." Hearing her voice was the sweetest sound I'd ever heard and my eyes began to water. "Why do you start by telling me about the boy you gave my shirt to." She waved her hand and an image of V appeared in front of us. I couldn't help but blush. My mom had died before I was interested in boys so I never got to have this talk.

"That's Jihyun, but everyone calls him V. He's an amazing photographer and an even better person. I thought he was a creep when I first met him but we've been through so much already and he continues to stand by him. Through him I've met some amazing people and even have a family." I realized that I was basically gushing and I blushed even more. "I hope you're not mad that I gave him your shirt." She smiled and shook her head.

"Not at all. In fact it's quite suiting that you gave it to him considering that your father gave it to me. I'm glad to finally see you happy after everything you've been through." I smiled at her and she waved the image away. "But what do you plan to do about Jake? " My smile fell and I looked at my hands.

"I honestly don't know. I want there to be a peaceful solution but I know he won't allow that. I'm not even sure if there's any good left inside of him. Deep down I know that I have to fight him but I'm not sure how. I don't think I'll be strong enough to physically fight him, and he has too many connections to fight him legally. He really has me backed into a corner."

"You keep looking for solutions on your own but you keep forgetting that you're not alone anymore. You have a life full of love, you have a family. I know you don't want to be a burden but acting alone will only hurt them more." I knew she was right and I hung my head in shame. I had been trying to handle everything on my own when in reality I had some very talented people who could help me. Suddenly I heard a faint ringing noise and my mom began to fade away. "Looks like this is all the time we get. Be brave MC nothing worth having comes easy. I know you can get through this."

"No. Mom you can't go again. I need you. Please don't leave me alone!" I tried to reach for her and only fell to my knees. Tears fell down my face as I cried for her not to leave. She said something to me but the ringing was so loud now that I couldn't hear her. Once her image was completely gone everything went dark before I shot up in bed. I wiped the tears and found the source of the ringing. It was a cell phone with and unknown number calling. I threw it across the room and sobbed into my knees. It took about ten minutes before I realized that V wasn't in the bed with me. I looked to the bathroom but the lights were off and the spot where he was laying was cold. After wiping my face off I stood up and headed towards the door. I opened it slowly and walked out to the hallway. There was a light on at the end of the hall and I could hear hushed voices. As I got closer I was able to make out V's voice but I wasn't sure about the other two. When I got to the end of the hall I looked around the corner and saw V, Jumin, and Eric. I was going to make my presence known when Eric said something that caught my attention.

"So have you told her about the baby yet?" My breath hitched in my chest and a hand flew to my stomach.

"No. The plan was to tell her tomorrow but after everything that happened I don't know if I should wait. I'm just worried that she'll blame herself. We haven't really talked about having kids so I don't even know where she stands on the issue but I know she'll be heartbroken when she finds out she lost a baby." V's words echoed in my head. I had lost a baby that I didn't even know about.

"Well she loves kids but after what Alex did to her the doctor wasn't sure if she'd even be able to conceive. I always assumed that she had come to terms with that but this might give her hope. So I think you should tell her. I mean if there's anyone she'd want to have kids with it's you." I listened as Eric and he was right. I always did wanted kids but thanks to Alex I never thought I could. My eye's became misty and I decided to step into the room. Both Eric and Jumin's faces turned sour and I could see that V instantly felt bad. No one said anything and I was struggling to keep in my tears.

"Is it true, was I really pregnant?" I choked on the words as I said them. V stood up but couldn't even look me in the eye.

"We didn't know till after you're surgery." Eric tried to tell me but I cut it off.

"No. I need to hear it from V." I looked at V and I knew he was upset but I needed to hear it. "V, did I lose our baby?" He took a step towards me and I could see the pain in his eyes and I knew it was true. I turned around and ran back to our room. V was following behind me but as soon as I got in the room I locked myself in the bathroom. As soon as I was locked in there I sank to the floor and cried. V knocked softly on the door but I didn't open it.

"MC I'm sorry. Please don't shut me out." I couldn't even talk and I heard V slid down the other side of the door. "I really did want to tell you. I wanted to tell you the second I found out but I couldn't. I had to deal with that loss on my own even though we didn't know about the baby it still hurt." I could tell he was upset about it and I didn't know what to do.

"When were you going to tell me?" I tried not to sound bitter but I was hurt that he'd kept this from me.

"I was going to tell you tomorrow after our date. I just wanted to see you happy before I broke your heart, but I couldn't even do that." I heard a thump on the other side of the door as I processed V's reasons. "Are you mad?" I let out a deep breath and stood up. I unlocked the door and opened it up. When I did V fell backwards onto the floor.

"I'm not mad. I don't know what I am." I stepped over him and sat on the bed. "I woke up from a dream about my mom, you weren't there, and then I found you in the living room having some kind of secret conversation. I don't know what I'm supposed to be thinking. Why was Eric even here?" V stood up and leaned on the wall across from me.

"He came over to check on you after he closed the shop but by the time he got here you were already sleeping. I only knew because I couldn't sleep and went to go get a drink. Then we all just started talking." V's eyes look almost like they were on the verge of tears and I could see how sincere he was trying to be. I let out a deep sigh and stood up. I walked over to V and hugged him tightly. He seemed surprised by the sudden hug but he gladly wrapped his arms around me. "I'm sorry MC. I keep saying that I won't keep things from you but I do."

"It's alright. I know you don't do it on purpose and that your heart is in the right place. As long as you don't lie to my face I won't get too mad." He kissed the top my head and I smiled into his chest.

"Well there's something else I haven't told you but only because Jaehee asked to tell you in person." I looked up at him and raised my eyebrow. "Just make sure you call her tomorrow. She's pretty excited to talk to you about it." I let go of V and walked over to where I threw my phone. I picked it up and saw that the screen was cracked and it wouldn't turn on.

"Well I'll probably have to get a new phone first. I guess I don't know my own strength." V took the phone and looked it over in his hands.

"Why did you throw it so hard?" He asked almost surprised.

"It woke me up from my dream because an unknown number was calling me. I should of answered it but I was took angry that it stopped me from seeing my mom." I sat back down on the bed and V followed me.

"Do you want to talk about your dream? I can tell it's got you all emotional." I blushed when V saw through me.

"I honestly don't even know what to say about it. I was in my house and she was sitting on my couch. It all seemed so real but I couldn't even hug her. It's been years since I've had a dream about her and it hurt so bad." I laid back on the bed and V laid with me. "The dream did make realize something though." V swept my hair back and raised his eyebrow at me. "She yelled at me for trying to find a solution about Jake on my own. I think she was right though. All of the solutions inside my head involve me facing him alone but I don't think it has to be that way. I mean every solution I have for Jake is me facing him on my own but I'm not alone and I to stop thinking that I am." I looked at V and seemed surprised by my words. He put his arm around my waist and pulled into a kiss.

"I'm glad you finally believe that. Everyone really wants to help you move on. However I have the best motivation of all of them if you ask me." I gave him a curious look and he blushed. "I have something to give you but I wanted to wait a bit longer." I laughed a little at his embarrassment.

"Well what is it?" He bit his lip and I played with his hair. "You should at least give me a hint. Who knows when I'll go into another coma." He gave me a look and I just shrugged my shoulders. "Just being realistic given our current luck." He rolled over to the night stand on his side of the bed. I heard him open the drawer and pull something out. Whatever it was he held it behind his back and smiled.

"Alright you can have a hint. Close your eyes and hold out your hand." I did as I was told. V placed something small and fuzzy in my hand. I rubbed my thumb over it and realized that it was velvet. I closed my hand around the object and realized it was a small box.

"V is this a jewelry box?" I was a mix of nervous and excited. V took the box out of my hand and I heard him put it back in the nightstand. I opened my eyes and saw him smiling.

"It could be but I guess you'll just have to wait and see." I shot him a look and he just smiled.

"You didn't need to get me anything ya know. I'm more sentimental than materialistic ya know." He kissed my forehead and smiled.

"I know and I didn't plan on getting it but I saw it and thought of you. That's the only reason I got it." I blushed and hid my face in his chest. We fell into silence and I noticed that V had fallen asleep. I tried my best to follow him but my head was swimming and I began to feel restless. I rolled over several times but finally decided to grab my computer and head to the living room. The hours all blurred together as I just began to draw and soon the sun began to peep into the penthouse.

[sakichi56]

ABC Thing

Here you go dear, don't know why you want me to do it, but okay Shirotokuro.

A - Age: I won't give my age because that's just asking for trouble, but I will give an age range. 20's to 30's.

B - Birthplace: Born and raised Floridian.

C - Current Time: 11:57a.m

D - Drink You Last Had: Water. Zephyrhills to be exact.

E - Easiest people to talk to: Honestly, it depends on what I'm talking about. If I'm just feeling chatty and wanna talk then anyone really, although there are some people that are just really fun to talk to. (Mari and S.T.K.) But if it's a secret or something personal then I would say close friends or family.

F - Favourite Song: My favorite song is always changing. But when I have to name favorites I always have a few defaults. Kokoro by Rin Kagamine. Snowman Kaito and/or Len Kagamine. Senbonzakura Meiko. Ranbu no Melody. Basically just Japanese stuff.

G - Grossest Memory: Umm, I don't know. I guess the first time I ever got a period?

H - Horror yes or Horror no: Horror? Sure, why not.

I - In love?: No. I have had one crush before in my entire life, and it lasted 5 years. But I may have been confused about crush and wanting to be friends at the time because I was like 6. But I am Asexual and always have been, recently discovered I am Aromantic as well. But who knows, maybe that will change if I meet the right person.

J - Jealous of people?: All people are jealous of something. Just like all people want something. It's normal. I guess I would be jealous of my brother because he always got better grades then me back when we were in school, but I have long since accepted that he is the smart one and I am the strong one.

K - Killed Someone?: Yes. I was 2 years old. And I saw a bull ant. I didn't know it was a living being, so I squished it with a shoe, like a cat would catch and crush a bug with its paws. Rest in peace bull ant. (I regret this greatly because I am a vegetarian and I never kill bugs because I don't want to kill other living things. I feel like bugs, animals, plants, they all have a right to try and live their lives.)

L - Love at first sight or should I walk by again?: Honestly, I'm not sure if I believe in it or not. I personally haven't ever experienced it. But I have friends that are married to their first boyfriends/girlfriends that said they fell for them the first time they saw them. They said they couldn't explain it, but something tugged them toward them, something they couldn't explain but that they felt. Sounded super cliche, so I don't know if I believe it or not.

M - Middle Name: I do have one, but I have never had to write it before so I don't even know how to spell it. It starts with a Ja though.

N - # of siblings: One older brother. He is extremely docile and a total follower. Exact opposite of me.

O - One Wish: Practical adult me is saying teleportation or slow down time. But fun, inner child me is saying the power to bring any characters from fictional world's to life whenever I want and be friends with them.

P - Person You Called Last: Hmm, my older cousin. We have a yearly tradition of meeting up to have lunch, so I called her to ask when she and her younger sister wanted to do it.

Q - Question you are always asked: I get asked a lot of questions frequently, "How are you feeling?" "When are you free to hang out?" "How old are you?" "Why do you know so many weird big words?" "Why do you like Japanese stuff so much?" Stuff like that.

R - Reason to Smile: KuroMahi currently. I general anime, video games, Vocaloid, friends, memes, my pets, all that good stuff.

S - Song You Last Sang: Well, the song I last sang entirely was Ranbu no Melody, last night. But while I am typing I am singing along with Kaito to Another World Is Mine.

T - Time You Woke Up: 7:18am on the dot. I am an early bird. I have always liked getting up early and hearing the birds and seeing the sun just starting to appear.

U - Underwear colour: Umm, well today it's a caramel bra and light gray panties with white flowers on the edges. (This is so weird, who would want to know this?!)

V - Vacation destination: I don't do vacations. Traveling is a lot of planning, packing and stress. But I guess I would like to go to Japan at least once in my life.

W - Worst habit:

Oh boy. Okay, I have so many bad habits. Quick to anger because I have a super short temper, I don't take crap from anybody and will always speak my mind. I am a total mom friend and am constantly telling people what to do and what not to do, "No! Don't dive off a cliff! Are you trying to get yourself killed?!" "Why would you think it's a good idea to go up on your roof and not pay attention to where you are stepping because you are looking at your phone?!" "You can't go walking in the road barefoot! You will step on glass!! Put some shoes on!" Etc. (All real things I have had to say to friends)

X - X-rays: Twice. Once for my left foot back in 4th grade. And once last year for my right ankle.

Y - Your Favourite Food: Uhhh, I don't think I have a favorite? It would probably be easier to list the foods I hate. XD

Z- Zodiac Sign: Virgo.

TAGGING: 

@xshiirotas (not sure if you've done it or not yet, so I guess we will see huh?)

Have a lovely day all~☆♡

[dailyarturia]

I apologize for bothering you for your objective opinion so much, my king, but once again I need your objective opinion. This time I need your objective opinion on the Berserkers. I'm severely concerned that I have shit taste in Berserkers, and I know that unlike me you are definitely a man of culture.

very large. back from ye olde days where berserkers generally couldn’t actually communicate so unfortunately a bit lacking in complex characterisation compared to others. lovin the whole ‘made to kill his own children in rage which is what qualifies him as berserker in the first place and now gives his all to keep this singular parentless child safe despite supposedly being made into a mindless raging beast’ thing. 8/10

bucket knight. also an old school zerker who can’t talk outside kariya’s fever dreams but he does scream in french sometimes. an overly loyal knight who nonetheless put his own wishes above what he believed were his king’s once and then spent the rest of his life feeling guilty about it to the point where it straight up drove him crazy because he couldn’t understand that arturia has -15 consideration of her own wants. his kink is getting shamed and he would probably get a heart attack if arturia did that hands on her hips disappointed look pose in his general vicinity. 8/10

get OUT of my HOUSE. ugly and horrifying but could totally beat gilgamesh in a fight and the image of ol gregory getting his nuts kicked in by a metal underpants enthusiast is high quality content so he gets points for that. 3/10

this is what we in the scientific community call a daughter. a good girl who just wants to be loved but has severe trust issues after being abandoned by the person who literally created her. can in fact talk but it takes a lot of effort so she doesn’t bother because like, fuck humans right, why should she put in effort to make herself understood when they’re not gonna want to understand her either way. I’m so blessed & grateful that moriarty is her dad now. 9/10

i’ll be honest I still have no idea what his character is supposed to be like its not like he had a lot of screentime in extra and extella is very bad to its side characters. ?/10

the fucking supreme. pandered to like a dozen of my kinks and gave me a few more. my first 5*. the end of my f2p days and the start of my journey to becoming the monster god. the design. the skillset. the teeth. the c l a w s. a king despite hating kings. a machinelike killer despite living for the thrill of the fight. a man who wants to just die already yet obstinately refuses to. a contradictory mess that denounces every ideal he used to live by yet clings to them harder than ever. a monster whose personal arc after being summoned isn’t how he’s still human at heart or whatever but how he was a monster before he looked like one already so like, don’t even worry about it. his mad enhancement is EX(C ) and his material entry revealed that this weird rank is bc it’s not even actual battle rage, he’s just so fucking stubborn it gets classified as mad enhancement. EX/10 the love of my fucking life

the smile of an angel. seems completely rational at first but is still classified as a berserker with EX rank mad enhancement because of her inhuman determination to save as many lives as possible without any regard for the quality of that saved life. she’d amputate all of a person’s limbs in an instant if that’s what it’d take for them to not die. she has canonically beat people to a pulp to ‘cure’ their mental issues. completely dedicated her life to becoming a healing machine at the cost of her own health and even personhood. her profile says she doesn’t actually listen to others but in her myroom lines she takes an active interest in your hobbies and opinions and she also gets flustered when you call her an angel. i literally cannot fucking wait until ch america hits NA server she’s so fucking good and i want everyone to love her. 15/10

THIS IS WHAT A FRIEND LOOKS LIKE. the actual embodiment of “cool guy has a chill day”. a smile that rivals the sun and an attitude that turns even the most ordinary days into a grand adventure. his mad enhancement is basically just that he’s kind of an idiot. 10/10

OX MOM OX MOM OX MOM her mother got knocked up by an ox demon in a dream and had to raise her in secret, and her human father didn’t accept her until she proved to be really strong and even then only as long as she would exterminate anyone who stood in the way of the clan. so scared of being shunned for her demon origins despite being loved & trusted as leader of the minamoto clan that she straight up exorcised her demon self into a separate personality to kill it (& herself with it) and was only barely stopped by the four heavenly kings. nowadays fiercely protective of anyone who knows about & accepts her demonic side to the point of insanity, which is where her EX mad enhancement comes from. a huge crybaby but gets shit done anyway. 10/10

THIS IS ALSO WHAT A FRIEND LOOKS LIKE. someone who was labeled and locked away as something evil due to being what is by all means called a monster even though he’s got a really gentle personality and likes being helpful. really good example of the whole “heroes and villains are nothing more than the roles individual complex people are forced to take on” theme fate likes to play with. has difficulty talking but it’s easy to come to an understanding with him as long as you call him by his personal name asterios rather than the name of the monster minotaur everyone assumed he’d be and he thus inevitably became. 10/10

the only reason he’s a berserker is because his name and the word “berserker” have the same etymology and the grail had no idea what other class to put him. this is the canon reason. he doesn’t have any mad enhancement to speak of beside being a lil hot blooded and liking to fight. literally only here because he likes to throw punches. got his ass beat by li shuwen in ch america because despite loving to throw a punch he’s not actually a martial artist and can’t win from someone with actual technique. a classic ‘jack of all trades master of none’, he literally sucks at being every single class but can’t not be summoned as a heroic spirit because he’s from the oldest english epic poem and a prototype for many other heroes. a free spirited adventurer who takes things as they come but can be responsible when it matters. 9/10 

once a good & wise ruler but fell into insanity in the last few years of his rule before finally getting assassinated. loved rome with all his heart for its beauty & splendour but got overwhelmed by the conspiracies and other evils that were also a part of it until the goddess of the moon, who he was in love with, made him insane, which he claims saved him in his bond ce. determined from then on to become the ugliest most evil motherfucker in all of rome so that he could take all the nastiest parts of rome with him in his inevitable death and have his dear cousin nero live in happiness, if only for a while. summoned as a hero despite being very close to an anti-hero because the good ruler he was before going insane responded to a call to save the world and still intent to do his part by simply dragging everything evil down with him. 8/10 wouldn’t it be nice if chapter rome had actually paid attention to roman servants other than nero.

looks like a bratty child but talks like an archaic mob boss. has horns and huge claws. easily bribed with chocolate. has a huge sword but just fucking headbuts her enemies instead. 10/10

many berserkers are angry men but only he is anger man. classified as a berserker not just due to his battlefield conduct but also the insane commitment he had to the laws of the shinsengumi, to the point where he would personally execute former comrades who broke them. both the first and last member of the shinsengumi, a man who dedicated his entire life to upholding its values in a rapidly changing japan. surprisingly rational and during gudaguda 2 okita didn’t even realize he’s a berserker because he didn’t become the fanatic that qualified him to be summoned as one until after okita’s death. one of the coolest skillsets in the game and definitely some of the sickest animations. 10/10

NORMALISE

FINDING

AND KILLING

ACHILLES

10/10

my fuckign girlfriend 10/10

the cutest enabler. 10/10

please god let me meet her. 10/10

when will takeuchi die

[hennessy-jacen]

Jacen Hennessy (Pre-Henneson)

Basic Facts.

What is Your Character’s Name?

Jacen with a "c", Denver like the city, Hennessy like the brandy.

How does the character feel about his or her name?

I like it well enough. It's a great conversation starter.

How did he or she get this name? Was it passed on from a family member, or did the parents read it on the side of a cereal box the day the child was born?

My parents wanted to be unique? Just swapped an "s" for a "c", an "o" for an "e"? They met in Denver and my dad is super

Irish

. Like embarrassingly Irish.

What is the meaning of the name?

It comes from a Gaelic name that sounds similar but is spelled with more vowels than I can fit in my mouth.

What culture did the name originate from?

Irish.

Super

Irish.

What regions of the world did the name come from?

Ireland. Like many Irish things.

What connotations or stereotypes does the name have?

I'm an alcoholic from Colorado named Jason?

_____________________________________________________________________________________

How old is your character?

25

When was he or she born?

October 5, 1991

What events were happening locally, nationally and globally the year your character was born?

Terminator came out. My parents got into a fight cause my mom insisted on watching it in theaters six months pregnant. So basically Arnold Schwarzenegger is to blame for everything that's wrong with me.

What is the zodiac sign?

Libra

Does his or her zodiac sign have any bearing on their personality traits?

My mom says I have great patience like all good Libras.

What Chinese Horoscope year were they born in?

The year of the great goat lol

How does this influence their personality traits?

I make b-a-a-a-a-a-ad jokes?

How does your character like to celebrate his or her birthday?

Like it was any other day. It's a treat to be busy and have consistency in my day to day life. I'm fine if no one knows or cares.

What does your character look like?

Like a pasty hobbit?

Is your character Athletic or Overweight? Tall or Short?

I'm 5'9 so reaching for things is a struggle but they made sure I could lift three times my weight if push came to shove during paramedic training so I guess I have that going for me.

Hair color and length?

I used to have blonde hair when I was a kid but it got darker real quick. It's pretty brown now and I like keeping it short-ish. Just as long as it's out of my way, I'm good.

Eye color?

Bl...ue? I think that's what my license says.

Any scars or birth marks?

A couple of scars here and there just from getting scraped up on the job. Nothing serious.

Does your character have a physical disability?

No, thankfully and luckily, considering how easy it is to get bent out of shape in my job.

What actress or actor would you have play the role of your character if it was a movie?

Haha, maybe if I was more photogenic, tall, and muscular, Ryan Gosling. Basically, if I wasn't a pasty hobbit then Ryan Gosling.

What style of clothes does your character wear?

I like being comfortable. But I also like looking good when I don't

have

to be comfortable. I own a lot of flannel plaid, a couple of leather-ish jackets, a ton of jeans, a lot of t-shirts and a lot of sweatpants. Not very inventive.

What clothes would he or she wear every day on a casual basis?

All the plaid in the world. And then some.

For a night out on the town?

I own slacks. Somewhere. And some button-downs that aren't plaid. And cologne.

To bed?

Shorts or just my boxers.

Does he or she wear any special jewelry or accessories?

Can't really wear jewelry to work at the risk of it ending up on the ambulance floor and at that point it's gone forever.

What type of shoes does your character wear?

Sneakers for days. All the Dr. Scholl's you can handle is under my feet, day in, day out.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Where does your character live?

Girard Estates, South Philly.

Is it an Apartment? House? In the backseat of his car?

It's the second floor of a house so it's pretty comfortable.

How does your character feel about the current living arrangements?

Pretty comfortable lol I've been there for a while, I like it, it's home.

Does your character live with anyone else? Who are those people?

Not anymore.

How does your character get along with his or her neighbors?

My downstairs neighbors are pretty cool. Their dog shows up on my doorstep sometimes so that's cute, I guess? Who has a dog door on their front door and not the door leading into the backyard? Anyway, they're a couple, they're cool.

What is the view outside of your character's window?

Trees, hedges, sidewalk, some cars. Most people park in their garages or driveways though.

What items do they keep next to their bed?

My phone, my Fitbit, a lamp. A chapstick when it decides not to roll off on its own accord.

What is your character's most valuable possession?

I value all of my material things with the same amount of indifference lol I don't have anything crazy valuable. I guess I'd be mad if someone stole my TV or laptop or headphones but that's just cause they were expensive, not cause they're sentimental valuable. Unless you meant monetarily valuable cause then definitely my TV. The thing cost an arm and a leg.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

What does the character do for a living?

I'm a paramedic.

Do they find this work enjoyable?

Yeah, it's rewarding even though it's like 80% organized chaos and 20% escorting highly inebriated people to the drunk tank to sleep it off.

What is your character's dream job?

I guess I'd like to properly go to medical school someday, get my degree and all...but I also feel like I procrastinated it for too long. I'm 25, by the time I go to school and get into the practice I'll be ancient...I dunno. Maybe one day. I love it where I am though and I don't know if I'd miss the energy if being a paramedic if I was confined to a building all day.

What is your character's financial situation?

I'm doing good, I'm comfortable. I can get nice things that I want without having to think too hard about it so it's a luxury I feel like I'm lucky to have.

What does your character spend most of his/her money on?

I spend a lot of money on food. It's dumb, I like to treat myself to nice meals. That and recreation, I like new experiences a lot so I don't mind paying for like scuba diving lessons and stuff.

What would your character do if he or she won the lottery?

I'd probably help some people out, like pay some medical school bills for some friends. I know some really good people who help others out a lot that are drowning in crippling debt cause they made the decision to help others out and that's not fair. And then I'd probably get myself a really good steak.

W

hat is your character's highest level of education?

I have a bachelor's in health science.

What things do they wish were different about their current profession?

I wish there was a little better support from administration sometimes. I wish equipment wasn't updated once in a century. My hospital isn't one wealthy or high enough on the radar to get trial equipment so we have to wait the years it takes for licenses, patents, and mass production to roll out things to us that could save lives today. It's frustrating to know there's knowledge and equipment out there that's reserved for the richest, the best in politics, and so forth.

...Is it too late to say don't get me started?

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Who are his or her parents?

My dad is Caden and my mom is Angie. Hennessy.

Does he or she have any siblings?

Nope, they decided I was trouble enough. Kidding, I think they tried but it just didn't pan out before or after me.

A spouse or other romantic partner or love interest?

Not at the moment.

How about children?

The only person I figured I'd have children with left me so...no.

Other family? Aunts? Uncles? Second Cousins Twice Removed?

I have like 15 cousins. My parents both have a lot of siblings and a lot of them have kids who also have kids. Family reunions are kind of nutso.

How does your character feel about family functions and events?

Speaking of... lol They're okay, really. It's a lot of people but we usually rent out big parks or places where we can all exist without getting on too many nerves and there are ample hiding spots. The kids are cute and there's always good food and my parents always spoil me a bit hoping I don't get annoyed and stop showing up one year so that's nice too.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Who are your character's closest friends?

Mostly people I work with. I spend a lot of time with my squad so they really know me better than anyone else.

How did your character meet his or her best friend?

Work. I guess if I really had to pick someone I'm closest to on the squad it would be Jackson. I've known him since my first day on the squad, we started together.

What do they value most in friendship?

Fun, good naturedness. I like being able to relax, it's really important that I can just be myself around the people I hang out with.

Does your character make friends easily?

I guess. I don't get on people's shit list easily, I don't think.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

What was your character's first romantic encounter like?

Um embarrassing and in college? Also not totally sober? I went away for college so being away from home for the first time was an experience lol

How does your character display affection?

Uh...I like being close I guess? Like in proximity, I just like having people close and comfortable with me. I like holding hands and stuff. I dunno, just your generic stuff.

What is your character's idea of a perfect romantic date?

Something that makes us both really happy. Something meaningful. I like having a purpose when I go places, discovering things is so much more worthwhile with another person.

Has your character ever had his or her heart broken?

I mean, yeah.

What qualities does your character look for in a romantic partner?

The same stuff I look for in a good friend, I guess. I just want someone I can really be myself around. Someone that can make me smile and someone that I can make smile.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

Does your character have any pets? What type?

Nope, I'm really not home enough to have a pet.

What are your characters favorite animals?

I like cats and dogs. I think it'd be kind of neat to have a ferret or a bearded dragon but I think I'd feel bad about keeping a bearded dragon in literally a tank all day.

How many times has your character visited the zoo?

I used to go a lot as a kid. My parents would bring me or I'd go with my cousins. Once for school, that was cool. I bought my parents a stuffed monkey from that trip and they still have it so I guess that's kind of important to me or whatever :')

_____________________________________________________________________________________

What are his or her favorite foods to eat?

I like a lot of things, food is literally my favorite. I like ramen and lamb and a lot of roasted greens. This is a hard question, I like a lot of things a lot.

Does he or she enjoy to cook?

Yeah. I get really ambitious and it isn't always excellent but I like to try.

Any food allergies or sensitivities?

No, thankfully.

What foods can he or she not stand to be around or eat?

My dad's family has a pallet for some things I don't love. Irish baked goods are just not that great and I don't get the hype about black and white pudding I'm soRRY I SAID IT YOU CAN KICK ME OUT NOW.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

How does your character spend a lazy Sunday afternoon?

Lazily lol I don't get up too late cause I know it'll throw off my routine but I like to make myself breakfast at my own pace and watch whatever I've been meaning to catch up on for days. Maybe make a trip to the grocery store and peruse the aisles at my own leisure. Come home and play some video games? If I'm gonna have a lazy day I'm gonna commit to total leisure.

What are their favorite places to go when alone?

With friends?

I like going to the park alone. Walks are nicer with a podcast to think about. I can be a part of society without actually bothering myself, it's basically perfect. If I'm with friends I like to get a drink or go play board games at someone's house, that's pretty neat.

Where would your character like to travel?

Anywhere! It would be great to take a break and just have the incentive to go somewhere and enjoy something new.

How does he or she want to get there?

Driving, flying? By boat. I don't care. I haven't found a mode of transport I've hated yet.

Does your character have preferences on types of lodging?

Not gonna lie, I'm not a roughing it kind of guy, I don't love fending for myself. I like somewhere with running water and internet at least. And no bugs. Don't like bugs.

_____________________________________________________________________________________

What are your characters favorite movies and TV shows?

I guess I like hour-long shows that I can really get invested in. Like Peaky Blinders and X-Files and stuff. I like getting immersed in the stuff I watch, which is a lot more TV than movies.

What are their favorite actors and actresses?

I like a lot of people. Peter Dinklage, Gillian Anderson, Sam Neill. A lot of people have a lot of talent. I have a fucking huge crush on Emma Thompson. That's embarrassing but she's literally so fun.

How often do they watch movies and/or television?

I usually watch TV to turn my brain off after a long day so often. Almost every evening? I usually watch something over dinner.

What genre of music would you find your character most likely listening to?

My iTunes is mostly rock, I guess.

When do they listen to music? In the car? While working?

When I'm working out. Or we play music in the ambulance sometimes when it's empty.

What artists and bands does your character enjoy listening to?

I like the Arctic Monkeys and The National and stuff like that. Stuff that I can really appreciate on noise-canceling headphones. If it can get me in my feelings I'm there.

W

ould your character go to a concert and enjoy it?

Yeah! I used to go to concerts a lot more often before but I do enjoy the experience if it's for the right band the right atmosphere.

Does your character play any musical instruments?

No. I used to play guitar when I was a kid but I lost interest ages ago.

What are his or her favorite books?

I don't read as much as I should...but I do like reading books of movies and TV shows after I watch them. When I can't get enough of the world it built it's nice to fill in the holes with the book.

What books are on his or her bookshelf at home?

A lot of my college reading material to make myself look smart to my dust bunny house guests. Plus all those movie and TV show books.

What titles does he or she borrow from the library?

I don't really go to the library. If I'm not sure enough about a book to order it online I usually don't get it at all.

What genre of books does your character enjoy reading?

Romance Fiction? Non-fiction? Thriller Crime Novels? Historical Fiction? Self-help? Poetry?

Historical fiction, post-apocalyptic, sci-fi, basically any kind of fiction really. I'm here for a good, gripping story.

What is your character's favorite quote and why?

“If not us, who? If not now, when?” ― John F. Kennedy

[alxndre-0001]

Alex’s Literary Reads of 2019 (from the months of June to September)

Caution: Bad, unedited writing ahead. Alex is a lazy person

Being a law student is an exhausting line of self-inflicted harm. Your life becomes an onslaught of reading materials and even more reading materials to catch up to. Now, reading has been second nature to me since I was four years old, so you can just imagine the sheer amount of readings my law professors have given us for me to consider detesting reading. 

I’ve managed to keep my sobriety from purely academic books by inserting novels, short stories and some poetry along the way. In all my four years in law school, this is the only year that I read as much as I wanted to. Mostly, short stories and essays that could be finished in one sitting. I had summer classes and wasn’t able to go home at all since January or February so I kept myself preoccupied by reading leisurely ( I know, gasp! Is that even possible for Alex in this economy?).

So here they are ++ some reviews and thoughts on the books.

1. Delta of Venus by Anais Nin

I read this book at the same time as a friend of mine. It was my first time diving into erotica considered to hold literary merit, the ones I had before were utterly terrible, by the way. But we are talking of Anais Nin anyway, so there’s that. It’s actually a collection of erotic short stories involving different, unconnected characters although a few of them were referenced in other stories. As someone who’s always been fine with sex in plots, this one left me feeling visibly unsettled. I realized how truly romanticized sex can be in popular books (e.g Fifty Shades of Grey trilogy). The outpouring of feminine pleasure on those books was strictly gratuitous and self-indulgent. Delta of Venus was an uncomfortable experience because it fleshed out several discomfiting realities of sex and titillation – violence is often an element of power play in the bedroom, voyeuristic tendencies of everyone, depraved fantasies which are almost immoral in their insistence. 

Of particular impressions were ‘The Hungarian Adventurer’ and ‘Boarding School’ which explored themes of rape, incest, and even bestiality at one point.  It wasn’t the fact of preference that appalled me, it was the simple exposition of the truth – sex is all things good and bad, inexplicable and sensual. I have a problem with how media portrays sex, especially in popular culture which is partial with idealistic notions of sexual roles apparent in concepts like the male gaze and fantasy in porn. You see, these things eventually become damaging. When we glamorize something as common as sex, it either becomes fodder for taboo or fantasy, which incidentally what occurs with conversations of sex. Either it is a subject much condemned for its alleged impurity or a dirty little secret which encourages unrealistic expectations for both sexes. 

Nin’s style of writing borders on the absurd, but it is done intentionally. In one interview, she narrated how a client wanted her to write erotica which was basically porn and just skip the poetry. She refused as any self-respecting and intelligent woman would.  And well, we need to appreciate her for that. If she let the client have his way, then what we’d have is an exaggerated image of sex instead of the unnerving stories of Delta. In a sense, we can consider Delta as a commentary on sex literature which caters to a male audience. The stories were rife with feeling, of emotion, which feminized a genre so overtly masculine, pandering to the male gaze.

There were quite a number of jibes at the male gaze as well with stories like ‘Marianne’ and the ‘The Veiled Woman’. My favorite was when Marianne (Marianne) met a man who felt erotic pleasure by only being looked at, like an object of desire. It appeared to me as a reverse of the male gaze, which often portrayed women as the object of desire, effacing her human qualities to turn her into just a vessel to express lust, infatuation or even love. But here, the object of desire is a man and we are made privy into his thoughts and actions, humanizing him instead of treating him as just an object. 

Overall, Delta of Venus was a fine starter for anyone who wished to know more of Anais Nin. The prose flowed well, even lyrically so, despite sex being a subject which can easily turn stale if not carefully written. 

2. Tales of Mystery and Imagination by Edgar Allan Poe

My first experience with Poe was when I was around nine or ten years old. I was a nosy child when it came to other people’s books and one day I found printed copies of short stories of my cousin’s in his room. One of them was A Tell-Tale Heart.  I still remember feeling on edge as I read the slightly blurred lines in cheap brown paper, it was utterly thrilling. The horror of the story comes less from the almost supernatural obsession of the unnamed character with the eye of the old man. It was more on his slipping attempts of overcoming the inhuman desire to kill the man for his eye. 

There’s always something that fascinates me with horror that is internally driven. More than the hostility of vampires, the looming threats of an apocalypse, the real horror for me lies in the deep recesses of the human heart, that inscrutable machine that throbs inextricably within all of us. And I feel like that’s what always impressed me with Poe. He had the excellent ability to articulate darkness that is motivated by the self and that is a feat for writers. Stephen King, for example, is great at understanding that his monsters are metaphors for his inner demons but he relates them into tangible forms be it demon dogs, telekinetic teenagers to give them an external existence. 

Poe has a clear grasp of fear and all its friends. And though some critics would lend an idea that Poe writes well with supernatural elements, I beg to disagree. He uses, for one, unreliable narrators (Berenice, William Williamson, Fall of the House of Usher). The thing with unreliable narrators is they warp the sense of reality of the stories, an indication to the reader that everything is not what it seems. And if one pays enough attention, then they could ask the all-important question: Is this the real-life or is this just fantasy? If you’re playing with those two possibilities, then you’d be less scared with the supernatural/ external world than the worldview of the narrator. You start to scrutinize him more closely, dog his steps, intimate his intentions, etc like some fixated lover. In doing so, in peering into the mind of another, you stumble into your own inner motivations, your thoughts and who knows you might mirror the darkness the narrator is struggling with? 

And there is the true gift of Poe – he reads everyone like how he reads himself. He doesn’t do this by getting acquainted with thousands of people with innumerable different lives. No, sir. He forces readers to examine themselves and the darkness inherent in men but constantly, through our self-delusion denied as present in others but not in ourselves. I need not belabor that this kind of writer is my favorite, the ones with a very vivid understanding of humanity, no matter how bleak the answers that arrive to them.

I went at liberties with Poe (lol) but some favorites inside the collection of stories are The Case of M. Valdemar, Black Cat, Descent into the Maelstrom and Pit of the Pendulum. My only issue is Poe’s tendency to philosophize in protracted terms that I was afraid I was going to get bored to death ( Domain of Arnheim, The Island of the Fay) with the possible exception of ‘The Colloquy of Monos and Una’ since I like the ideas presented there. 

3. Slapstick! or Lonesome No More by Kurt Vonnegut

I was supposed to start with Kurt Vonnegut’s Breakfast of Champions or Cat’s Cradle but the only available copy of the writer’s work in the book fair (thanks BBW!!) was this one. It seemed like a light read, a stark contrast from Poe’s grim, verbose collection, so I decided to give it a go. The last time I read a sci-fi novel was Ray Bradbury’s Fahrenheit 451 ( a real shame since I planned on reading more sci-fi this year). I finished it in less than a day and I wouldn’t say it left me with any remarkable opinion as much as the other books have had on me except that Vonnegut seemed like that fun, carefree uncle in reunions who has an alcohol abuse problem, is unmarried, and eats grapefruit for breakfast.

It’s not a very long novel and Vonnegut kept ending every part with ‘Hi, ho’. There’s a deeper sadness that is thinly veiled in the book as well, yeah slapstick, which reminded me of David Wallace’s Infinite Jest except the latter presents a more serious nod to its humor. 

It tells the story of Wilbur and Eliza, twins who are considered conventionally horrendous and abnormal in physical qualities. They are tall, too tall in fact. But thank god for rich parents who secretly dislike them, that they lived a sheltered existence away from everyone else other than their servants and a doctor who checks them every day. Unbeknownst to the parents and everyone else, the twins are super smart but only if they are allowed to share their intelligence by being close to each other. 

Long story made short, it’s a light read and perhaps a good overview of Vonnegut’s style of writing. I did want to read Slaughterhouse-Five after this one, so maybe that’s a good start. 

4. Dubliners by James Joyce

I’m having a hard time deciding whether this is my favorite out of everything else in this list or not. James Joyce was actually one of the writers I wanted to read very closely and understand his style better. He had such status and influence in modernism, plus the mythic reputations of both Finnegan’s Wake and Ulysses for their wrought complexity and ingenuity in style that I felt drawn to his works.  You should have seen my face when I got a copy of this book at the BBW Fair last August – think of a kid in a candy store for an accurate depiction. 

Let’s cut right down to the chase. What do I really think of this book? To sum up my thoughts about it: If there is a master class for short story writing, Dubliners should be a required reading. I am by no means a writer or journalist but as someone who reads short stories often (more often than novels or poetry) for the last two or three years, Dubliners was a standout. 

Dubliners is actually a collection of short stories (hell I’ve only been having collections, is this a pattern? lol). They are set in Ireland mediated through the simplicity of daily life.  I admired the craftsmanship of Joyce in this one, the prose was written so concisely, dispensing with the arduous descriptions that lead nowhere.  

The characters, too, were forged from the circumstances of ordinariness – a dead priest, an abused woman, a boy about to come of age and so on. The characters themselves feel like semblances of a collective consciousness – that of Ireland during a tumultuous time in the  20th century.  In a way, the mundane, individual aspects of a character’s life was a mirror to the social conditions Joyce wanted to portray emphatically in the stories. The style was polished in a way that one is made to occupy the places mentioned in Dublin through the familiarity of an old friend, a returning local into the arms of unchanged memories. There hung in each story, a great atmosphere of nostalgia and I suspect it is because Joyce knows how to excavate sentiments for places which we haven’t even visited or seen but that somehow we recognize as phantoms of our very own lives. 

There is indeed great beauty in the most ordinary things and it takes the eye of an artist to take the uneventful and reveal its exquisiteness. Joyce made me grasp a show of that ability in the days that I pored through his collection. Whatever he intended while writing Dubliners, whether as a mirror of a conflicted Irish society or as a commentary to the social context borne through those times, it is his style that won me over. The plots were as simplistic as possible and there was no way to harness more meaning from the events of a character’s life rather than to take them at face value and coming to the understanding of just how nuanced and visceral our daily lives can be if only we looked hard enough, paid attention enough.

Dubliners reminded me of what I look for most in a book. It really is less of the plot or even it’s overarching theme and more of the style. Language as an art form has always been my standard in saying if a book has taken me in or not.  The great writer, Vladimir Nabokov is similarly convinced that language can elevate a story into an art form. There is artistic merit in a writer’s style just by itself and I would rather read a book with a weak plot but with a sound use of language than a novel plot with a severely exploited and copied style. 

5. Heart of Darkness by Joseph Conrad

Perhaps the other strong contender for favorite in this list is Heart of Darkness. To be fair, it was less a book and more of an experience. An experience of what literature can do when it goes beyond style and narration to get to the bottom of the writer’s innermost motivations for writing the book. I ended Heart of Darkness, perplexed and in much quandary. There are only two possible explanations: First either the book was beyond me and my mediocre mind that try as I might, meaning of any sort would only elude me. Second, it was so condensed with significance that reading it once simply didn’t qualify as reading it at all. By the end of maybe two days, I realized it was the latter. For the lack of any other time, I’m going to try and process its entirety with the sum of my reading it only once.

I confess I looked up a video review off YouTube before getting to the book, mostly because classics have a way of being exhaustively discussed without losing their ability to sustain a reader’s interest. In my case, spoilers don’t do any damage or if there is any, of only negligible consequence since I look for other things other than the stream of events.

According to the video review, the book is an example of darkness as a location. To put context to this description, it would be good to tell a bit of the story. This is about an English man named Marlow who went to Congo to take on greener chances in the trade therein and for which the backdrop is meant to replicate the inhuman conditions of the slave trade. Amidst all this is another man named Kurtz, who was quite illustrious as a prodigious ivory trader and who was steeped in so much mystery. Upon arriving at the Congo, Marlow witnesses the cruel treatment of the ‘slaves’ under the supervision of the Europeans. 

[rosheendubh]

Pseudo-Philologies and History in the crafting of my disaster of an Arthurian/2nd century Artorius...

Okay, BnnyGrrl (in Welsh, that's probably like Bhwwnygwwerryl, or something...) obscura for the day, in points of little significance to the real world, other than demonstrating, I would have been a very content archeo-linguist or mythologist/folklorist/archival scholar type, sitting in dusty, tome-filled filled nooks and back rooms, spending hours pouring over ancient manuscripts, w/nary a thought for the world. I think that's why I went into nursing/medicine--to force myself to remember it's real, living people who breathe life into stories...and I need that reminder to push me/force me out of my comfort zone through the week, and do the up-close-and personal with 'other walks of life'... Anyway, as to obscura essays on the whim(at), in my amateur etymologizing, BnnyGrrl finds NO connection with the name Arthur as 'bear man', or bear King. Whether the word was an original derived 'Celtic' origin loan into Latin, or Latin (following the Artorius origin), back into a P/Q Celtic lingo, 'bear' this could work, but seems least likely, looking at how the actual breakdown of Arthur/Arthurus/Artorius happens...at least, according to Root Word Section of The History of Scottish Placenames/Etymology Online/...and, hesitantly, dare-I-say, GoogleTranslate. I have no idea how flawed my reasoning of derivation/and linguistic methodology is, but what I get of the name boils into Arthur, in Celtic form, to Latin, originating as 'Chief/Highest amongst Men'...perhaps? Ar(t=d=dd=th), is 'High/Above/Prominent>>with Ard/Art/Ardd/Arth-implying a high landscape prominence. Arth- has been taken as the Welsh for 'bear', but I believe even ChrisGwinn suggests this is a false etymology. Likewise, '-urus' as a suffix, is not derived from Ursus (Latin for 'bear'), but related to the Greek '-ouros', which is akin to 'wary/watchful/and implied as 'watchman/guard'. This is where all that connection of Arthur related to the Northern star of ArCTURUS (Bootes/the Ploughman/Wagoneer/Shepherd/etc), following the path of The Big Dipper (Ursus Major, The Great Bear to the Romans) originates, according to some theories. I actually don't think it's this obscure. -Ouros/-urus in its closest written approximation that I could find in the Celtic/Gaelic is, -viros, recalling that 'v' is frequently a cognate of 'u' (possibly, I'm not sure of my direction of derivation here), BUT the Celtic word into Brthythonic root is 'gwyr' which means (in corrupted form), 'men', often like a host/company of...men. ProtoIndoEuro origins of -urus/ouros translate as '-wer'. -Wer in the Gaelic/Celtic root is a cognate of 'gwyr'. Which makes sense, in its warped way, if one is thinking of A Leader of Battles/a Commander of a WarHost. "Arthur", "First Among Men"...? Maybe? More intriguing in linguistic gymnastics, is actually just looking at how 'artor'(ius), at its root translates from Latin into English, as 'strait'. Not the vector, but like a channel of water (The Straits of Gibralter)/or, 'a place of narrow passage/a difficult, narrow, tight route'. Through various convolutions, one of the most simplistic, and beautiful words in a Gaelic form, and phonetically sounding like "Arthur" is 'a(i)rther'--which literally means 'east/or east of', with '-ter'/-t(h)er', synonomous with the root word of 'dobh'/dwr/water (in the sense of a stream/a body of water along a shore), and 'air-/ar-("aaarrrrgh"!!!), implying 'fore-'/'prior to-', and 'east/east of-'. 'A(I)r-' also has a figurative emphasis in the Gaelic, as 'great/over/above'. It's mostly coincidental, I'm sure, but it's intriguing to me (and no one else, I'm pretty sure), that the Latin 'artor'(google translate conversion)/'artur' (my actual Latin dictionary conversion. 'O' and 'u' were often interchangeable, depending...), implies a 'strait', as a body of water, edged by a shore. It also means, along with 'a narrow channel/strait', 'a joining/the act of joining', from whence 'arth' meaning joint, arises. The English, 'strait', has 'ar(c)tus' as the related word, but has an alternative form as 'angustus'. Which has a slight resemblance to, dare-I-say, 'augustus'... Anyway, In the Gaelic/Celtic, potentially 'a(i)r-t(h)er'>>'the east'/'east of a body of water' (I could expand upon the multiple forms of '-ter/-twr/dwr/dobhr', all implying 'water/stream/', and the related word, to compound name-origin theories, the Gaelic, 'arthraigh/arthr(h)ago', meaning...'foreshore'). Anyway, think the figurative sense of 'east'/'east of-', which contained the deeper/antiquated/mythic notion of 'to shine/shed light/dawn/the place beyond/of origin/beginning'... Basically, what I'm getting at here, besides my merit as a pseudo-philologist (lol😜), is that Gaelic, like it's cousin, Welsh (the Byrthonic relative), is just a lovely tongue. 'Aither'--it sounds so much more poetic than 'east'. And as an opening scene, the name works magically. Eigyr (the earlier, root form of Ygraine/Igraine, traditionally, Arthur's mother; the word, in Welsh, actually meaning a jutting prominence/a point) dies giving birth to her son, right as the sun crests over the headland promitory that juts out from the modern day Coruna, northwestern Spain/Asturias, from whence the Tower/Watch Tower/2nd century LightHouse known as the Tower of Hercules rises, whispering on her last breath, "Arther, his name is Arther...". His father, in commemoration of dead Eigyr, restores the LightHouse in her honor, and raises the boy Eigyr claims is his son, Artor(ius), with his mother's help. Fand, who had been the great love of Cuchullain in her youth, and now, is the grandmother of Artorius... As for Artorius's father, (Uther/Uythyr/Uthyr of the legends and romances), lemme just say, there's the most intriguing dedication stone, almost as intriguing as the 'Lucius Ursei' one found near the Hadrian's Wall fort if Aballava (literally, place of the orchards/apples...ie, Avalon. Don't get excited. There are a lot of 'avalon', root names as actual geographic locations all through Ireland, the British Isles, and France). This other dedication, found along the Antonine Wall, at the Roman fort nowadays known as Castle Cary (tentatively associated with the Latin 'Colania', mentioned in P's Geography and the later Ravenna Cosmography--the Latinized Brythonic name meaning something like 'the place of the grove'. In fact, while largely unable to be localized with any certainty, practically EVERY fort name along the central portion of the Antonine mutates into something like, 'grove/the place of the sacred grove/the grove on the hill/the stream/water by the grove/etc...there is some association with the Caledonian Wood/and the alluded Forest of Calaterium here, as recalled by Geoffrey of Monmouth)--anyway, said dedication was committed by a certain 'Antonius Aratus, centurion of the VI Legion Victorius'. 'Aratus' means 'plowed/one who plows/the act of plowing/plowman/etc...'. There's that whole 'Ploughman'/meaning in a sense, a Wagoneer directing the Celestial Bear (or something like that) association of Arcturus, as he crosses through the Pleides/BigDip/following UrsusMajor in the North. In the romances, Arthur's foster father is called, in one form, Antor (or Ector/Hector...but I like Antor, for its similarity to Artor). My brain can't help but draw the association here, of Antor, with Antonius + Aratu. The last name, more of an descriptor of some trait personal to the subject, according to Latin naming sequences. It doesn't mesh with LArtorius Castus, but then, in my thread, Antonius (Antor) is never quite certain that Artorius is actually his son...which defines the strained relationship of father-son Artorius recalls from his childhood. His father's sternness, his distance emotionally, and the demanding rigor of PaterFamilias, which is the driving force of Artorius wishing to join the legions from an early age, against the objection of his father, who retired as a wounded veteran, having lost an arm in the campaigns in Scotland in the 140s/150s...BnnyBabble (Bwnwnybhaibhle) is now thoroughly signed off, pseudo history/and pseudo writing/pseudophilogy aside. Someone needs to a 'Drunken Redecation of Bad Arthurian PseudoHistories' on YouTube...

[nightincider]

A Somewhat Skewed Guide to Listening to Taylor Swift

I wrote this for a friend a year ago who was interested in getting into Taylor Swift and had no idea where to start - this is by no means a formal review, but a casual personal overview on Taylor Swift that I thought would be amusing to post here. 

Warning: unfiltered, unedited rambling :’D 

Disclaimer: I confess I’m not familiar with 100% of her discography (I usually don’t listen to the bonus tracks/know all of her standalones)

Note: I will be going in chronological order of her discography even though that’s not how my journey through her stuff went

Taylor Swift (2006)

don’t listen to this if you actually hate country music bc this is defs more on the country side of her country-pop crossover (mandolins, banjos, thankfully no annoying vocal twang)

this album is a great insight to her roots as a songwriter but it’s best enjoyed if you already like her, it’s like peeking into the old diary of someone you admire

Picture to Burn - hilarious breakup song trash talking an ex about how his pickup truck is stupid (you think I’m kidding but I’m not), video is awesome and shows her band trashing his house. I once sang this at karaoke and my friend fucking died and she didn’t believe the lyrics were actually a T Swift song

Mary’s Song (Oh My My My) - a really pretty, sappy gem about a long term love

everything else I could take or leave tbh

Fearless (2008)

tbh I still don’t “get” this album bc it’s a bit immature for my tastes but I’m sure young teen me would have loved it if it came out then. But overall I feel like this album only disappoints me bc her later work is so much better. Otherwise it’s actually pretty great

Fearless - the title song for good reason, appropriate way to begin the album and starts off with the attitude of facing love with a, you guessed it, fearless outlook

Love Story - ok the Romeo & Juliet ref and the sappy lyrics are kinda cringeworthy but overlooking that it is probably one of her most well-written pop songs to date in terms of the melody, arrangement, catchiness etc and I will always have a soft spot in my heart for this

Breathe (feat. Colbie Caillat) - understated soft, sad pretty track

Forever and Always - I really love the melody in this one and the mentions of rain. This feels like the precursor to Mine (off Speak Now), except the relationship in the song didn’t actually work out

Change - notably NOT about relationships but about looking forward to positive changes and winning in life whatnot. It’s uplifting and I see it as the prequel to Long Live (from Speak Now)

everything else is not bad but doesn’t quite make my favs like this list. shoot me but I find Fifteen and You Belong With Me way overrated

 Speak Now (2010)

supposedly before writing this album Swift wanted to go with the concept “Enchanted” (which is one of the songs as well) but her label told her she needed to show she was maturing and not make an album that was basically Fearless 2.0 so she opted for the idea of “Speak Now”, which is total (sometimes brutal) honesty

This album does indeed speak her mind, in the sad, happy, and even embarrassing ways (coughs the title track is about her fantasizing about crashing her ex’s wedding and stealing him away and makes comments about how the bride’s gown looks like a pastry)

Before Red, Swift released a lot of singles w/ multiple versions, usually a US (read: more country) and international (read: more pop/rock) one.

IMO, the singles on Speak Now (Mine, Back to December, Story of Us) sound way, way better on the international edition. So please try to find those versions!

Mine - please check out the international version it’s miles better than the US version (more driving rhythm/urgency, better guitar riff, the US version is too laid back IMO)

Sparks Fly - a song about undeniable chemistry, the chorus is one of my favs

Back to December - slow, sad, and beautiful.  I almost cried over this. I prefer this to Dear John bc it’s not as brutal and more accessible (Dear John is great too but really hard to listen to that often). Again international version is better bc the mandolin part in the US version is annoying.

Mean - kind of childish but that’s why I love it, it’s the pop song equivalent of a kid sticking their tongue out at their bullies on the playground

The Story of Us - not as emotionally wrenching as a lot of the other breakup songs but probably the catchiest and I love the beat

Enchanted - love at first sight type song. I really like the song structure (especially how it builds up) and instrumentation, and the bridge stanza is my favorite

Better Than Revenge - T Swift doing Paramore 

Innocent - T Swift doing Evanescence, also I think that song was a jab back at Kanye West lmfao

Long Live - song about taking on the world, proving ppl wrong, having great adventures, I wish I could someday feel worthy of singing this song

the one dud IMO is Never Grow Up (it’s kinda boring plus I think she was too young to write well from the perspective of a parent).

Red (2012)

This was THE album that converted me to the cult of Swift and I hope it converts you too

I confess I only really noticed the beauty of Speak Now bc I went back and listened to it properly after I got tired of spinning Red during my commute

Fun fact: I only bothered to give this album a try after my white hipster bestie (whom I had a huge gross crush on at the time) rec’d it and I was like wtf at first but he was like no really give it a shot, so I did.

Red is every bit as honest as Speak Now but it’s not as bitter or playful it’s more sad and resigned and more nostalgic, wistful, you get it...

It’s painful for me to rec my favs from it bc I’d say the ENTIRE FUCKING ALBUM but I’ll. try. /grits teeth

State of Grace - those drums! that guitar! that whole “we’re on a journey and it’s beginning” feel…  this is her strongest album opening track to date (1989 totally bombed in that aspect, fuck Welcome to New York)

Red - I don’t know how a song has literally 2 unique melody lines but still manages to be so amazing. Unfair.

Treacherous - the whole excitement of falling in love with someone that you probably shouldn’t but presented in an unexpectedly tender way

All Too Well - by this point Swift has a trend of making song #5 the sad slow ballad (it’s a thing her fans have noticed). This song hits me hard on a personal level bc it reminds me of my 2.5 year relationship that ended and it’s incredibly well-written, from the lyrics reminiscing on the past to taking you back into that moment during the choruses, also the bridge just breaks me. This is probably the pinnacle of sad breakup songs and you cannot convince me otherwise

I Almost Do - All Too Well’s more timid but no less heartbreaking cousin

Holy Ground - this is kind of the banner song of the album despite not being the title track. While Red is meant to set the backdrop for this album’s themes, this song embodies the core of the album best IMO. And it has a danceable beat to boot.

Sad Beautiful Tragic - I used to skip this a lot after Holy Ground bc it’s a bit of a downer but it has an understated beauty

Starlight - want to see Swift write fanfiction? well here’s your chance. This song is about Ethel and Bobby Kennedy as teenagers. also embarrassing confession: I want to sing this at my own wedding if I ever get married someday. Best part is the piano line that evokes twinkling stars

I’m rather indifferent to the big pop singles in this album (I Knew You Were Trouble, 22, We Are Never Ever Getting Back Together. They’re good but, ultimately the best stuff is the album tracks)

1989 (2014)

the album that converted a lot of pop lovers to the cult of Swift

shows a lot of growth and experimentation since Red, but Red is still personally my favorite, this one’s a close second tho

Swift has said in interviews that Red was a devastating album to write but 1989 is more about moving on from that and focusing on herself and it’s overall both more optimistic (regarding life in general) and calculated and cynical (regarding romance)

1989 is the year Swift was born, btw. Coincidentally the album has 13 tracks not counting the bonus ones and 13 is Swift’s favorite number (she was also born on Dec 13)

I have this whole conspiracy theory level of analysis going on about how this is a sequel to Red and how those two albums are linked in a way that the others aren’t

let’s get it out of the way, Welcome to New York is the obvious dud. sorry to our mutual friends who love NY but the song kind of sucks in itself oops. Like it’s very uninspired and generic

for an actual good song about NY check out Vienna Teng’s Goodnight New York

Blank Space - overplayed but I love the idea of Swift parodying what her critics think of her

Out of the Woods - it’s a song about uncertainty in a relationship and the ending is left up to interpretation and I love the repetitive chorus bc it illustrates the feeling of being trapped in the woods and seeing trees flash by you. The bridge has a personal anecdote (the brakes/stitches mentioned are from a minor snowmobile accident).

All You Had to Do Was Stay - about a dream Swift had where all she could do is say “stay” in a high pitched voice to an ex and it embarrassed her lol. Typical pining song but something about those “stays” sound way more painful than comical in practice.

Shake It Off - a good pick-me-up for the slow days and the only big single of hers I haven’t gotten utterly sick of

I Wish You Would - reminds me a lot of HAIM, and it’s oddly one song that I almost never skip when it comes up on my commute shuffle despite having heard every song on this album too many times. understated but solid.

Wildest Dreams - Swift doing Lana Del Rey better than Lana Del Rey

How You Get the Girl - cute but all I can think of is her cat in the Diet Coke commercial that used this song

This Love - I feel like this is the song tying the album together, it’s the most vulnerable track and the one flame of hope amidst all the jadedness that pervades the album regarding romance. It’s kind of meta in some way like it describes not only T Swift the character in the album but also possibly T Swift the person? This song is very important to me.

I Know Places - kind of a darker sound (for her)

Clean - a song about moving on from a relationship, I’m already biased towards this bc Imogen Heap worked on it but it’s really beautiful, and I love when Heap’s harmonies come in.

New Romantics - the freakin song of our generation, the lyrics are so fucking real I can’t even

misc/standalones

Safe and Sound (feat. the Civil Wars) - from the Hunger Games OST, it’s pure folk goodness

Sweeter than Fiction - the happy ending we all want. has a bit of a beach-rock vibe to it with a very 80s production

Ronan - written for a child who died from cancer, it’s beautiful and sad

Thank you for reading if you’ve even made it this far and I hope I didn’t overwhelm you, happy listening! :D

[zoesrhees]

so there are tons and tons of new people and i have been alarmingly sporadic with my activity because my work life is literally crushing me it’s great!!! anyway i’m shannon & underneath the read more are little(not so little and totally unorganized) blurbs about each of my characters in case anyone wants to plot!!

zoe; (arden cho) sophomore, 20, pre-law, kappa gamma kappa vp; originally from san antonio, tx but moved to pa right before she started high-school, cheerleader, big dumb idiot  basically, a mash between ally mcbeal and elle woods, incidentally they are both her heroes, though she knows ally had her share of problems, she’s very much got a similar mindset. zoe does try to be a good person, she’s smart, loyal and sweet but often can be selfish, stubborn and shallow. generally nice to get along with, she’s not much trouble but isn’t afraid to stick up for herself and once she decides to stand her ground that is it. not the best at doing so of course, that person that will think of a comeback HOURS later instead. hopeless romantic who is in love w/ love, she’s a sucker for anything cute and heartfelt, really wants to have her own modern love story, but also afraid of being burned or being the only one to fall, does stupid shit literally all the time honestly, sticks her foot in her mouth a lot, doesn’t know how to react in uncomfortable situations and will literally RUN AWAY from you, just a big ole sucker, really sweet, really friendly, loves everyone even when not every loves her. serial dater, would love some exes if they only dated a few times, etc etc.

hunter; (chelsey reist) 23, junior, sociology major, omega alpha chi, from Savannah, GA & California in her teens, field hockey co-cap, she’s just a lil slice of gay apple pie honestly. grew up in the south when she was younger, lived in california for a few years and fell in love with her next door neighbor before her parents ripped her away, her family basically disowned her and she was ready to run away at sixteen when her brother offered to go with her, they were pretty much homeless for two years and did a lot of semi shady shit, she got her ged, went to community college and worked her ASS OFF to get where she is now, had a lot of disdain for her mom and dad who were very conservative and very ashamed and she turned into a very sour girl. hateful and disrespectful towards her family she is definitely not over how they hurt her. extremely defensive over her big brother, heinous but fiercely loyal, don’t fuck with the people she cares about or she will come after you until you never want to see her face again and regret your decisions, extremely persistent, extreme asshole, not afraid to drag anyone she likes to use men for money, a lot. secretly misses her parents and wishes they loved her, not coping with the idea that they dont.

bruno;(jarod joseph) 21, junior, graphic design major, psi delta social chair. originally from australia but lived in new york part of the time, too bruno is literally everyone’s friend. there’s no making an enemy out of this guy, he’s genuine, sincere and really fucking nice. also really high ALL the time, likes to draw and paint, really into grafitti like wants to be the next bansky and shit. when he was young his parents died and he was adopted by his godparents aka luna and rocky’s parents and he grew up with them extremely protective of both of them, luna is LITERALLY HIS rock like he would be lost without her and he loves rocky more than air like its the BROMANCE to end all bromances. it’s hard to see him in a low mood. very sensitive, really in touch with his feelings and shit, will literally give you the shirt off his back, super passionate about mashed potatoes honestly. if you’re a nice person, bruno is your friend and if you’re not a nice person he’s going to try anyway

ruby;(marie avgeropoulos) 20, sophomore, marine biology major, kappa gamma kappa, gymnastics team co-cap, originally from australia actually the nicest person you will ever meet, puts everyone’s needs before her own and is extremely worrisome, self-blaming and self-deprecating. tries hard to be happy for everyone she knows and loves because she knows they’re not all. obsessive over every little thing and vehemently wants people to like her, loves with her whole heart no matter who it is, big science dork, very into gymnastics, doesn’t drink much, doesn’t do drugs and just really pure, has a shaky family past but her siblings are her world, afraid of anything happening to them, literally terrified of losing her big brother because they’re so close, passionate, open, honest and genuine, tries to push away the fact that her past has turned her into a sad bean and puts on a smile for everyone.

true; (ricky whittle) 25, senior, pre-med major,epsilon kappa tau vp, spent a lot of his time in paris before going to college, he chose to defer his first year but after a bad motorcycle accident he ended up starting very late anyway grumpy old man that would be walter mathau to shame. lived in paris for a few years where he met the LOVE of his life holy shit, after she left he got into a pretty bad motorcycle accident that fucked with his leg so now he walks with a cane and takes a lot of pain pills.  cynical as all hell, rarely smiles, mean to everyone except for his sister, probably still has a vcr and a member’s only jacket because he is SO behind the times. studying to be a doctor, only rushed greek because of his parents and his little sister hope, his older sisters are extremely driven and successful and he feels the need to be too, hard living in their shadow their parents impress so many values on them. has been less miserable nowadays but still just has a permanent raincloud over his head. think dr. house meets munch from svu honestly.

bellamy; (caitlin stasey) 20, junior, astrophysics major, tau alpha zeta pres, softball team, from new iberia, la, your basic human trash can, she’s a slob, crass and hardly cares what anyone thinks of her both personally and physically, thinks she’s hilarious as hell but is really just super lame and stupid as hell, meme queen, really gross, makes a lot of stupid rash decisions “for the vine” even though vine is dead now, fierce friend, HUGE know it all, she might act stupid as all hell but she’s actually brilliant and is that sort of asshole that will not hesitate to correct you, space gay, loves looking at stars and definitely thinks aliens are real, really close to her brothers and her cousins, family is everything, lil cutie farm girl that loves all sorts of science and agriculture, has had a her heart broken a time or two but is really good at pretending everything is okay because that’s just what she does, laughs everything off. fiercely loyal friend, hoping to be sponsored in life by taco bell one day.

jonah jackson; (max irons) 21, junior, mathematics major, kappa alpha lambda member, co-captain of the basketball team from florence, ky extremely insufferable at times, arrogant jackass has been called a fuckboy but it’s not really all that fitting. he goes by jackson because his dad’s first name is jonah and he refuses to have anything to do with him, papa dahl ditched the fam when his younger brother was born and his mom took up two-three jobs to put food on the table which means he took the role of caretaker, exhausting him when he was younger but he’s really loyal and reliable. super poor and worries about what other people will think of this, here on an academic scholarship but fears being pegged as a gasp! nerd so he tells everyone it’s actually a basketball scholarship, thinks he’s charming af, natural flirt, obnoxiously good at math, really hard hard working and dedicated but loves to have fun, just all around garbage sap boy honestly 

[cannot-kill-the-sun]

13, 20, 24, 30, 31 - Bookish Ask

I want to preface this by saying I didn’t think I would talk about Kate Griffin’s books so much, but I am unsurprised and unashamed.

Bookish Asks

13: What character would be your best friend in real life?

I would like to be Sharon Li’s (from Magicals Anonymous, the sequel series to Matthew Swift)  best friend. She is so great and wants to do good things but also has no idea what she’s doing at all like i love her

Sharon exuded the brightness of a firefly, the confidence of a double-decker bus, the optimism of a hedgehog and the tact of a small thermonuclear missile.

I just want to be her friend so bad, she is the kind of person who makes your life better 

She raised her voice. “Hands up everyone here who wantsinfinite power.”

One hand was cautiously raised from the far end of the room,before someone swatted it back down.

“And hands up everyone here who wants an annual income ofaround £35,000 after tax and a reasonably sized one-bedroom flat within Zones 1or 2 and easy walking distance of an Underground station?” Nearly every handshot up, including one or two which bore talons.

I would like to have regular coffee dates with her and sleepovers where we watch silly movies and pretend we have our lives together 

20: A character you like but you really, really shouldn’t.

The Whisperer from Joanne Harris’s Runemarks (and Runelight but I didn’t like the sequel as much sooooo) (also spoilers). Like, it’s a total and complete asshole, but it’s so cleaver about how it manipulates and get’s its revenge and damn. Like without the actions, The Whisperer is sympathetic with it’s past and without all the stuff it does in the book, and is a perfect example of how revenge ruins everything for everyone 

24: First book(s) you remember being obsessed with

Probably the Animorphs books? I got the… 2nd? one out from my primary school library and loved it to the point where i badgered my parents into getting them whenever they showed up on trademe. I must have had 40 of them? they took up an entire shelf on my bookshelf and if I didn’t have anything to read i would just randomly select one. I gave them all to my cousin for her 10th birthday a few years ago which i slightly regret but she was happy so w/e

30: One book everyone should read

A MADNESS OF ANGLES OR THE RESURRECTION OF MATTHEW SWIFT it is my favorite book (and favourite series) and it fundamentally changed the way I see the world. I have yet to get someone to read it who didn’t love it. The characters are amazing, the world is amazing, the writing is amazing. Every time one of those posts about “i wish more urban magic was like….” comes around i want to shake people and make them read this series because it is everything they are asking for is in these books

“Magic is life,’ and that’s not quite right. You think that the study of magic, the understanding of it, gives you some sort of better grasp of life. Unfortunately, even I worked out that this isn’t quite true; it’s a bit skewed, see? We understand this. Magic is not life. Life is magic. Even the boring, plodding, painful, cold, cruel parts, even the mundane automatic reflexes, heart pumping, lungs breathing, stomach digesting, even the uninteresting dull processes of walking, swinging the knees and seeing with eyes, this is magic. This is what makes magic.”

i just?????????!!!!! I love them. Come be we and be free with our poor single/plural pronoun confused protagonist 

also im going to queue the entire tag now so look forward to that sorrynotsorry

31: Do you day dream about your favorite books? If so, share one fantasy you have about them.

Yes. Very much yes. Things like ‘what would i do in that situation?’ (die probably), but also *gestures vaguely at fanfiction folder* it is a question basically exactly like this that got me into fandom in the first place. Most things are crossovers though, because there’s something really interesting about how two things can have almost the same rules, but also not even close.

Also if I’m invested in a book and have to stop reading I’m thinking about what’s going to happen or what should have happened if any of those characters had any sense at all

I continue to be really fond of A Madness of Deamons even though it’s basically just a small character study

the only true fantasy tho is more books in the MS/MA universe