#i wonder when i'll stop feeling bitter about the unfairness of it all

[ohblackdiamond]

Fandom Ask Game! 6, 7, 15, 18, 19, 20, 22 , 23, 24, 25 (I know this is all KISS related lol but some questions are for how you write these characters in your lovely fics more than the actual people) Um, I may have asked too many questions. lol I understand if you skip some that were already answered!

i'll answer them all!

6. Show us a bit of a WIP!

This is from "rocks off"--

“You keep giving me secondhand fantasies, Paulie. I want something just for you and me.”

Paul raised up a bit, bracing himself with one arm. He was looking at Ace one aspect at a time. Long, skinny legs, not much hair on them. Damp curls, wet mound– Ace was still sitting on top of him– small, jutting hips, small, pert breasts, all in contrast to his somewhat pouchy gut. The only fat really on him was right there at his stomach. All that champagne and beer, all that greasy, rich food on tour, and yet Paul knew damn well that Ace still weighed less than him. So unfair.

Ace’s face now. Some prettier, but recognizable.  Still scarred up and pockmarked. No beauty queen, no Playboy playmate. He’d been left as himself, same as Paul, and Paul had been cruel to him for it. Having Ace buy lingerie he didn’t fill out, just to make him insecure. Just to tear into him for not measuring up, because Paul himself didn’t feel like he measured up right now. Even Paul putting on the lingerie that another man had bought him– he hadn’t meant that as a jab, but that didn’t matter. He’d sliced into Ace with such precision he was amazed Ace was still even in bed with him.

Ace hadn’t had to be pretty to mess around with before, back when they’d both had the right bodies. None of that had mattered. He’d just had to be Ace. 

“Something just for you and me,” Paul said quietly. “If that’s what you want, then stop talking about Gene.”

“Can’t help it. He’s all over the goddamn place.”

“He doesn’t have to be.”

Ace pushed Paul’s curls back behind his ear, a gesture too oddly tender for Paul to believe.

“I can’t have you the way he could. The way I wanna.” Two of Ace’s fingers ran across Paul’s lips– Paul parted them on hazy automatic. “The way you wanna.”

So that was it, then. Some of it. Paul’s lips closed around Ace’s finger, sucking lightly for just a few seconds, before he pulled away with a small, wet pop.

“Ace,” he said, “what the hell do you know about what I want?”

7. Is there a piece of clothing you think [character] is particularly fond of/that you imagine them wearing a lot or like to draw them in?

I'm not a very visual person at all, so sadly, no. Everyone is stuck in jeans in most of my fics.

15. Have you noticed your style changing over time?

I have been at the fanfic game for longer than a lot of tumblrites have been alive-- sadly, due to not reading very many actual books, my style has not changed overly much in the last ten years or so. I'm relying on the same bag of tricks as ever (parallelism, implications).

18. Type [character]'s name and tell us what the autocomplete suggests as the next word.

Paul and

19. What's your favorite thing about [fandom] (the people in it, not the media you're all enjoying together)?

You know, in real life, it's probably actually the most welcoming fandom I've ever been in. I have never been treated poorly by anyone I met at a KISS event and in fact have always been treated extremely kindly. KISS fans get a bad rap for being bitter but in my experience it's not really true. Kissblr has been pretty good to me overal as well and has led me to meet and befriend some wonderful people.

20. When did you first join Tumblr? How long was it between that and finding [fandom]?

I first joined tumblr 12 years ago (I had an Angel Sanctuary blog). I have been involved in the KISS fandom on tumblr since 2018 but have been interested in KISS since the Reunion era, when I was a kid.

22. Give us a headcanon for [character].

In the merfic, purple tails (particularly in the New York area) are basically akin to having brown eyes in terms of being common. Blue tails are just slightly less common, then green, and red/pinkish are the least common.

All the mer are inbred and that accounts for their problems reproducing as well as issues like Paul's condition (both his microtia and his always-remaining purple splotching). Oh, wait, I don't think that's a headcanon because it's basically right there in the fic.

In t&a or any permutations of it, Paul could absolutely have orgasmed as a girl on his own if he'd let go of his anxiety about it more (and stopped just sticking his fingers in!).

Ace probably told Paul the way to break the curse was to have sex with Peter.

At the end of t&a, on the other end of the line, Ace is asking Paul if he's checked to see if his dick is still working properly.

23. Has your favorite character/ship changed over time?

I don't know that I ever had a favorite ship, it's always been a rough trifecta of Paul/Gene, Paul/Ace, and Ace/Peter.

Favorite to write about is still Paul. That's mostly because he's just easy to write because he has a lot of traits people identify with (anxiety, depression, body image issues, insecurity).

24. What's your favorite thing about [character]?

Aw, I guess I love Ace because he's very offbeat. I am not a linear thinker at all and so someone like Gene (who is extremely linear), for example, is sometimes difficult for me to understand. But Ace is charming, out there in what you assume is lala land but isn't really. I feel like Ace has a very Mittyesque view of life.

25. What's your least favorite thing [character] said or did?

In real life, they all said and did terrible things, mostly to each other, their spouses, their groupies, and the people that worked for/with them.

Ficwise... I tend to write a somewhat more acrid/cruel Paul than most people (and a particularly bitter Peter); I guess my least favorite thing I ever had him do was not admit in "no change in the weather" to Peter that he is, indeed, cheating him (in the sense that Ace is getting paid much more per show, unbeknownst to Peter), so maybe that makes the climax and conclusion of that story a little hollow, if you know your kisstory....

In "careening," a drunken Paul propositions Bruce in a restaurant, which wasn't cool, either.

In "rocks off," which isn't complete/posted yet (but that's the title of the fic that the excerpt above is from), Paul is mean enough to semi-make Ace buy lingerie he has no hope of filling out, just to try to make him feel insecure.

Thanks for the asks!

[aktinopterygia]

now that it's been two hundred years, i can observe that absolutely nothing has Ever broken my heart as much as her actually believing all those horrible things about me. how can a person be with you for years and not see you in the slightest bit?

[angeloroki]

broken engagement. 2. — i. midoriya

— part one.

— character ; aged up!izuku midoriya x gn!reader

— genre ; angst

— warnings ; curses

— a/n ; part 2 bc you wanted it, but i never said it'd be fluffy :(

please let me know if there are any female pronouns (i'm doing it unintentionally sorry :/), i want to keep this writing as inclusive as possible!!

« hey.., it's me, again.

please call me back. i never wanted this. »

message deleted.

this was at least the 10th time you repeated the process. your ex-fiancé would leave you a voicemail, you'd listen to it all the way through, even though your friend advised you long ago to block him, and then you'd delete it, reluctantly.

maybe that's why he's been so insistent for the past month. the fact that you haven't blocked him or deleted him from your contacts could only give him hope.

and yet, you'd like to pick up the phone and tell him what an asshole he is. and that it was over, that you could never love him again, and even why not lie to him and tell him you were seeing someone else, and blah blah blah.

but it was all wrong.

you still loved him, even after crying for days.

" i don't know if my feelings for you are strong enough to satisfy you. "

he had made you believe for weeks that the fairy tale you were living with him was real. it was a change from the cheesy endings in disney movies. what a bastard.

you sighed to yourself, gazing at the engagement ring that lay far away on the bedside table.

it gleamed in the moonlight, beautiful, representing the love izuku had for you. now it was just the bearer of the bitter words he had spat in your face.

you looked away.

« y/n hun, i'm going to a friend's house. it's my date i've been telling you about for two weeks now, i hope he's worth it or else you'll hear me complaining, she says in a weary voice. i left the dish in the fridge for you, and please don't resume your series on my netflix account, it's too boring to know where i left off. » your friend shouts from the front door.

you smile slightly.

« i'll try, but i can't promise anything. »

« hahaha, no but for real, i'm serious. anyway, see you later honey, and wish me luck. »

it's been a month since you moved in with your friend, she insisted that you stay with her until you find another apartment. and she was a good cook, so how could you refuse ?

you sat down in front of the tv, and resumed the series you had started. a pathetic love story, the married boy who falls in love with a woman who is pregnant, even though she is a virgin?

you rolled your eyes before turning off the tv. everything was about him, when you're on social media and you see a couple of friends already married, or when a jewelry commercial would be airing right when you turn on the tv, and of course the dates that are coming up on your best friend's side.

it's as if fate didn't want you to forget him.

you were going to have a piece of cake, and you were going to start a horror movie. just to chase away that too sad cloud over your head.

of course, your new roommate had finished the raspberry bush, and so it was her fault that you found yourself at 11pm, in the 24 hour supermarket, in front of an old shop window wondering if ice cream was better after all.

with a Ben & Jerry's in hand, you headed to the cash register to pay and quickly return to your blanket cave.

« ouch ! » you exclaimed.

you had just bumped into someone, who was strangely tall by the way. you were about to apologize and ignore the stranger, when his scent shocked you. it couldn't be possible ? he couldn't be standing in front of you, at 11 pm, in a supermarket, and especially more than 25 kilometers away from your old apartment. argh. obviously this is the only store in town that sells his favorite snacks.

« y/n... »

you finally dared to meet his eyes. he hadn't changed, no wonder, it had only been a month since you left, but you expected something huge when you saw him again. his well-shaped jaw made you want to cover it with kisses. no, stop, y/n. but he smelled so good. " i don't even know if i want to get married ! " that truth echoed in your head. fuck, you had almost forgotten that he had broken up with you.

« what ? » your voice was as hard as a rock.

without giving him time to answer, like last time, you left him hanging and headed for the exit. never mind the ice cream, you'll come and buy it another time.

« what do you mean what ? i've been trying to call you for a month. »

he followed you, leaving his groceries behind too. a breath came from your lips, forming a small cloud of coolness in front of you.

the situation was so cliché that a dry little laugh escaped from you.

« how strange ? i've been ignoring you for a month now. » you said with sarcasm in your voice.

he took your hand gently and suddenly at the same time.

« stop this, and let me explain. »

you felt the melancholy in his voice, his expression camouflaged by a big scarf couldn't hide all the tears he had already started to cry. you just wanted to hold him, to tell him that you were going to get through this together.

you repressed the urge.

no, he was being unfair to you and your feelings. so he didn't deserve your pity.

you disengaged yourself from his grip, and it was with some regret that you saw that he did not try to hold you.

« there's nothing to explain, midoriya. i was stupid not to see that you didn't love me as much. or that i loved you too much. so please let it go. »

« how can you ask me to let go of the love of my life ? stop being so sutpid. »

your eyes widened. did you hear right ?

« i beg your pardon ? was it me who said I didn't want to get married anymore ? was it me who rejected her fiancé for months for absolutely no reason ? was it me who broke your fucking heart when i was patient, and patient ? so don't talk to me about the "love of my life". »

he didn't answer, and a long silence fell between you. you had to bite your lip to keep your tears where they were, in the corner of your eyes. he just needed to say a word, a phrase or even a fucking onomatopoeia to make you stay.

the absence of an answer made you smile sadly.

« midoriya please forget about me. »

« you still have it? the engagement ring, i mean. »

you felt your throat tighten. no need to lie.

"indeed, yes."

a faint smile settled on his face, reddened by the cold. silently, you slipped your hands into your pockets. he was cute that way.

« ...miss your cooking, too. » he said half amused, half saddened.

your exhausted laughter echoed in the street.

« izuku, don't make it worse for yourself. » you said in a tired voice.

the fact that you called him by his first name brought the stars back into his eyes. your tongue came to moisten your lips, you wanted to feel his against yours. just once, before you went home. because you knew that your story wasn't a fairy tale. that even though you loved him madly, and maybe he loved you too, his sweet words couldn't erase the obnoxious behavior and insensitive words he'd thrown at you for weeks.

and most importantly -

a sweet warmth invaded your body, and his scent filled your nostrils. his lips against yours, you could only respond to his ardor. you melted under his caresses that flooded around your waist. your hands met his collar, and you drew him to you. deepening your passionate kiss, the air quickly ran out.

you abruptly pulled away from him. a look of bewilderment painted both your faces. it was unexpected.

« y/n, please... »

« i'll give you the ring back, but it's over. thanks for the kiss. »

yeah, thank you for the kiss izuku, it was a beautiful bitter farewell.

tagging ; @holykvn @iluvvhewer @0lissa0 @animesuck3r @dekusassistant @cyjstars @softbkg @bobbatea-and-hotchocolate @vegaolive @awizuku @maltese-sparrow @erens-s1ut @djmbgbeast @yyuuna @iliketobullydeku @tecna09 @sxmmio-o @lotusxcos @superblyspeedydragon @taceticbitch @joonie-centric @mishe-qm @ab456123cd @pluviophilefangirl @number1cokewhore @stans-nami @ravngers@quillvinrune

[imerdwarf]

Love At First Crash

Summary: your car gets taken to the repair shop where you meet the man who will repair it for you.

Prompt:

Pairing: Mechanic!Bucky x Reader

Warnings: flirting, mild angst, idiots in love, happy ending 🥰

Word Count: 2,128 (I AM SO SORRY)

Author's Notes: This is for @the-ss-horniest-book-club's Drunk Drabbles 💜 my first time writing for mechanic!Bucky, thank you so much @jobean12-blog for checking it and giving me your thoughts 💜

It's been just a few days since you've visited the repair shop and met the owner Bucky Barnes. His charming smile made your tummy feel like you had a swarm of butterflies fluttering around inside.

His tight white tank top was pulled so tightly across his chest that his pecs could be seen. His black jeans that sculptured around his thick thighs to show off those thigh muscles, his mechanical outfit was matched perfectly with his black boots.

Your footsteps echoed off the bare concrete walls and floors as you entered the repair shop back from the back entrance. The metal shutters with a dangling chain link was rolled halfway up and a dozen of motorcycles parked next to the doors.

The distant quiet music from the digital radio did very little to quieten your footsteps. Bucky had heard you and rolled himself out from underneath your car. He smirked up when he saw you approach him.

"Hey there doll." Bucky showed off his perfect pearly whites and that was the same smile that gave you the butterfly feeling.

"Hey Bucky," you smiled back and sheepishly shoved your hands in the front of your pockets. You had originally opted to call him James, but he beefy man insisted on Bucky since his close friends and family called him by that name and James had sounded so foreign to his ears.

Bucky stood up, his biceps flexing under his movements and you couldn't stop the creeping flush. You cleared your throat and looked at your car.

"She's looking good!" Bucky's smile grew wider by how excited and happy you were.

"Yes you are," he muttered under his breath but you heard him say something. Your head snaps towards him and grin.

"What did you just say?" Bucky blushed and now it was his turn to clear his throat and rub the back of his neck, unknowingly with his greasy padded fingertips which left a black streak.

"I said she is, she won't be too long in here actually, a few more days." He wanted to exhale his sigh of relief when you nodded your head and looked back at your car.

"Great, you're the best Bucky!"

Bucky was absolutely beaming from the praise but it wasn't a lie, Bucky really was the best. He was so the best in fact that you found yourself daydreaming about the beefy mechanic days after you visited him at the shop.

You were laying on your couch listening to the birds singing outside and staring up at the white ceiling with your hands resting on your stomach thinking about that gorgeous smile of his. You loved the way his hair was always slicked back into a bun and how his shirt was always grease stained, a sign of a hard working man. You knew he was working hard to get your car back on the road as soon as possible, he kept in touch to let you know how everything was going.

You were falling for him, fast and hard. He was all you could ever think about, he was all you dreamed about and he lived rent free in your head.

Your gut clenches from the thought that realistically, he is probably in a serious long-term relationship with a much more beautiful woman, one that must make him happy because he was always in a good mood and always smiling.

Your chances of ever being with him were really slim, and it was such a bitter pill to swallow. He was just a crush and that is all he would ever be. But it didn't stop you from creating scenarios in your head with him. What your evenings would look like cuddled on the couch watching movies, listening to music or just talking to each other. What kind of food you'd cook him, would he kiss you as a compliment? In your head he does.

You wonder what it would be like to have him underne—

"Y/N!" Wanda's voice suddenly breaks through your thoughts and you blink back to reality. You mumble a response and Wanda finds you laying on the couch staring up to nothing, again, "still daydreaming about your hot boyfriend?" She teases and you scoff, sitting up to glare at her.

"He is not my boyfriend. Never was, never will be." Your face drops when you said it out loud, as though it suddenly dawned on you.

"But you have a crush on him right?" Wanda pushes and you regret ever spilling the beans to her in the first place, of course she is never going to let this go.

"No." You lied.

"Then why does he make you look so sad?" Damn it Wanda, "look, I'm not here to pressure you but my brother is back in town and we are meeting at the bar tonight! He misses you and wants to see you!"

"Bucky misses me?!" You may have zoned out again thinking about Bucky. Wanda rolls her eyes and laughs lightly.

"No! Pietro! But I'm sure Bucky does kiss you... I mean miss you!"

You smiled, great now another thing to add to your scenarios.

"What time?"

"8pm sharp! Don't be late!" She kisses your cheek in a friendly manner before skipping out of your door and leaving you alone with your thoughts. You had a few more hours to lay here and do nothing but think about him.

***

The bar was crowded when you arrived and you headed towards the bar to order a drink when Pietro came up behind you and wrapped his arms around your waist. You screeched out when you turned around and saw it was him, pulling him into a tight hug and keeping your hands on his forearms as he kissed your cheeks.

It might have been innocent, but from where Bucky was stood, it seemed like the two of you were an item and his heart dropped into his stomach and his mood turned sour.

He had no idea you were with Pietro, he knew him because he's a well known lawyer with a lot of successful cases under his belt so he couldn't blame you for being with someone with a clean job while he went to work everyday in a greasy repair shop.

He's only met you a dozen times but he doesn't remember you ever smiling that brightly at him when you were in his repair shop.

"You're brooding." Natasha, one of Bucky's oldest friends told him as she sipped her dry red wine. Bucky rolled his eyes and swished his beer around in his hand.

"I'm fine." Bucky scoffed and turned his angle away from Natasha.

"You're in love." Bucky again rolls his eyes and tries to ignore her. He tries to ignore you both, he tries to contain the jealousy that desperately wants to come out and say something about the way you're not even pulling away from Pietro.

"I'm leaving," Bucky tells Natasha, chugging the rest of his beer before slamming the bottle down on a nearby table, he turns to Nat and points a finger in her face, "and don't follow me."

The catch-up with Pietro was nice, it's been a few years since you've seen each other and he was telling you about his new wife when you saw Bucky storm out of the bar over his shoulder. Your eyes widened, never even noticing he was here and oh god, how this must have looked. Your heart sunk when you saw a redhead follow in his direction, that must have been his girlfriend.

Your mood to stay in the bar any longer was diminished and now all you wanted to do was go home and be by yourself.

You excused yourself from Pietro's grip and bid Wanda a quick goodnight before making a quick exit out of the bar and heading straight home.

Your thoughts kept you up the whole night. You couldn't sleep and tossed and turned throughout the cold night. You kept thinking back to the way he stormed out of the bar, if only you had seen him sooner.

Wanda entered your home early the next morning to find you already sitting up at the kitchen table nursing a hot cup of coffee. You looked exhausted and she could tell you haven't slept.

"Hey." She whispers, putting her hand on your shoulder, "are you okay?" You nod your head and sigh, not being in the mood to talk about things right now.

"I'm fine, just tired from last night." It's a lie that Wanda seems to accept for now.

"Barnes called." Wanda sighs and your head snaps up, "your car is ready to be picked up. I'll go and get it for you so you can rest." You feel upset that he couldn't or didn't want to call you but called your emergency contact instead.

"O-kay."

"I'll be back in a bit!" Wanda leaves quickly, jumping into Pietro's car and rehearsing the conversation in her head before she confronted Bucky.

Bucky was wiping his dirty greased up fingertips on the rag he had stuffed in his back pocket when Wanda arrived with Pietro. He saw him drive off shortly after she got out and Bucky refrained from rolling his eyes.

He was probably going home to you. He thought selfishly to himself. He mustered the biggest smile he could but it didn't fool Wanda.

"Wanda."

"Barnes, you called?"

"Yeah, Y/N's car is ready."

"And you couldn't inform her why?" Wanda queried, noting the disappointing look that swam in his eyes.

"I didn't think Pietro would like that."

Wanda bent over and held her stomach as she laughed. Bucky's eyebrows pinched together in confusion, "What's so funny?" He snapped, angry at how this whole thing was completely unfair.

"I'm sorry- it's just- it's just- oh god- Pietro is my brother and he's married." Wanda said between breaths.

This only infuriated Bucky even further, "good for him but I don't need to know how happy they are together!" He needed to chill and calm down. Jealousy was not a good look.

"He isn't married to Y/N. She's single, has a crush on you, maybe even hopelessly in love with you but that's fine if you want to-"

"She's what?" Bucky asks shocked, there's no way a pretty dame like yourself could love him. He's too basic, too plain.

"Why don't you drop me home in Y/N's car and take her car back to her yourself and you'll see what I mean." It was an offer he couldn't refuse. If Wanda wasn't pulling his leg, and you really were single, he needed to get to you before someone else did.

***

It's been well over an hour since Wanda left to pick up your car. In that time, you managed to take a shower to release your tense muscles, take something for the pounding headache and change into an outfit.

You were really excited to get your car back, making a promise with yourself that you'll be a lot more careful this time and try not to get into more car crashes.

You heard the engine in your driveway and you leapt towards the front door with a smile on your face, your smile growing even wider when you saw it wasn't Wanda behind the wheel, but Bucky. You couldn't put your finger on why you were so happy to see him, maybe it was a little hope he didn't hate you after all.

He got out of the car and strolled up towards you with a matching smile on his own face. His hands were in his front pockets and he looked amazing dressed in all black with a black leather jacket.

"Hi!" Your dam almost breaks, you were awake the whole night worrying about what would happen and then he didn't call you himself this morning about your car, it was easy to jump to conclusions, "I'm so happy to see you."

"Doll, I'm sorry I didn't call- my thoughts- well, I mean my feelings got in the way and I let my jealousy shine brighter than the sun." He chuckled shyly.

"Please you don't need to explain, it's me who owes you an explanation. You see, Pietro and I are—"

"No need doll. Wanda told me everything. It's a pretty warm day, Steve is covering for me back at the shop and I wondered if you'd like to head down to the beach with me?"

You grinned and looked down to your feet before looking into his eyes again, "I can make a picnic?"

"Sounds like a date!"

"A date it is."

Taglist: @smokeybluebrooke-lyn @pinkdiamond1016 @whatrambles @bestofbucky

[everafterkeiji]

Song: This Love by Camila Cabello

Summary: Love has so many definitions yet Oikawa never gave you the right ones.

Pairings: Tooru Oikawa x gn!reader

Word count: 4.5k

Tags,Genre: toxic relationships, angst, dozens of cuss words, manipulation

A/N: i promise i love oikawa- pls reblog & comment if u enjoyed!

Was it one of those nights again? The nights where everything is crumbling apart and you're holding onto someone who is broken as well.

Still, you find yourselves testing what it means to be in love.

"I can't keep watching you destroy yourself, Tooru!" You shout as he stands up from the bed then standing in front of you, his power towering over you.

"I'm doing completely fine, Y/N! What part of that don't you understand?!" He shouts back, with a tone stronger and louder one fighting yours.

I'm tired of meeting in the middle.

"Tooru- I support you but if I have to see you fucking lose yourself over a game then I can't handle it anymore!" He lets out a bitter laugh, backing away from you to stare you down. Each part of your body was trembling and his did the same. His body was drained from exhaustion and yours reeked of pain.

"Support me? Then fucking stop already! You said you'd always be there for me and now you're switching shit up?" He says, the drug in your veins fading while your hand trembles at the peak of his voice.

"I stuck to my promise Oikawa! What about you? Didn't you promise you'd always make time for me?" You asked- a slight crack in your voice remembering how tender he used to say these pretty promises.

"Well isn't that just so fucking selfish of you to assume I could make that happen."

He turns his back to you while your jaw was down to the floor, your eyes wide with tears streaming down every second and a heart snapped in half.

"You don't get to call me selfish when I was never a priority to you in the first place!"

Oikawa hesitates to look at you.

He knows what he'll see. A sight of you he's seen multiple times yet it always punches him in the gut with how he's aware that it was because of him.

How many broken pieces of your heart did you have to walk on for you to admit that he never puts you first?

If it was a battle on whose selfish, the king knows he's at the top.

"What the fuck? I tried Y/N! I'm always coming to your fucking rescue and it makes me hate the way you need me." He pities himself. He knew how low it was for him to say, your emotions are always valid to him- he treasures them because you hid them from him when you met, how hard it was to be open to these emotions with one person.

He was that person that you regretted ever being vulnerable to knowing he turns them like knives, striking you in each body part.

"Do you know how many times I had to ask myself if I needed you? God- you were so busy all the time I had to push away my own feelings for you, Tooru!" Your knees felt weak when you remembered how many times you've broken down without a shoulder to lean on. He should've been there- a call away whenever your tears came to you but knowing how he'd never let the game go, you threw away your sorrows to make sure his smile stays on.

"If you needed space, then just walk away!" He shouts, he runs a hand through his locks as he takes a seat back onto the mattress.

I did and each mile I went, I returned to you.

"Go on then- cause it's obvious we need it both!" You closed your eyes as you gripped the strap or your bag, ready to turn your heel on him.

But the flow of love in your veins insisted you to stay, to fix the relationship that was never complete.

"Tooru." You called out for him, desperate to touch him and forget everything.

But he pulls away.

"Just go, Y/N." He whispers, finally the soreness of his throat was growing on him. He still couldn't dare to look at you, he knows that his eyes would give away that he wasn't man that you wished him to be.

For the first time, loving him wasn't something you could endure anymore.

-

The next day comes in and Mattsukawa finds you in the corner of the empty classroom, with your sobs resonating in his ears.

"Y/N?" He calls out for you while he immediately rushes to your side, gripping both your arms, fearful that something happened to you on your way to school.

"I-Issei- hi." You stuttered in finding a way to replace the sadness in your voice.

"Did something happen? It's just me, Y/N." He says softly, caressing your arm as you wipe your tears with the sleeve of your uniform.

Oikawa wasn't there to walk with you in the morning.

What makes it better is that you couldn't sleep last night.

Now, you were scared. When somebody finally shows you concern, you want to cower away thinking that it'd be a waste of their time.

Selfish, is the first word that comes into your head.

"Nothing happened. I didn't get any sleep last night- I'm just really stressed out I'm so sorry." You said looking down, while Mattsukawa sighs sadly, taking you in his arms and patting your head.

"That's fine, Y/N. I can always help you with your studies if you really can't do them anymore."

What help is there for a heart covered in thorns?

"Thanks, Issei." You whispered while he pulls away from the hug, to rest his hand on your shoulder.

How easy it was to mask your feelings.

"It's nothing, I'll walk you to class." You nodded as he protectively walks in front of you knowing no one would want people to see how they broke down.

Oikawa sees you and Mattsukawa as he walks with Iwaizumi. He notices the way your orbs looked lifeless with heavy bags underneath, the paleness of your lips and how you constantly look down.

He's in it for it again.

"Did you two fight?" Iwaizumi asks, Oikawas eyes met with yours and you look away instinctively while he feels a sting to his heart because your eyes held fear.

Iwaizumi let's out a sigh, the silence was enough to give him an answer. Hanamaki meets with you and Mattsukawa while Oikawa wondered if he should even approach you.

He's reached the line of boundaries where everything was just filled with pain. Exhaustion never mixes well with insecurities. A hard working person like him makes unchangeable decisions, like last night and maybe several weeks before that.

There was just a massive difference between his love for volleyball and his love for you.

But the amount that he gives to volleyball, should be the same amount that he gives to you.

This is what he struggles with the most.

How can he juggle all the things he love to meet at one point? He can't just expect you to be on the court while his passion drives the ball, and he can't have the ball in his hands when you're in class with him.

It's possible to meet in the middle, but he chooses not to.

As classes went on, the gap between you and Oikawa grows bigger. During lunch, where were you? With Hanamaki and Mattsukawa. Even a glance from him would hurt you and now he can see a clear view of how perfection turned into wreckage.

By the time, practice was about to start he jogs up to you in hopes of talking things out, even a way to just get a response from you.

It was completely unfair. He'd call you so many names without reason while you fought and never even named him a single ugly thing. It's all his fault. For being up in the gym too late, for loosing his appetite and his energy to the point where he drowned you in his challenges.

"Y/N hey-"

"I'm gonna go, Oikawa." You cut him off before he can even say anything else. He feels his the way his breath gets caught in his throat. You didn't even spare another second before turning your back on him with the intention of walking away.

His eyes widen before grabbing your arm softly as he tries to pull you to his embrace you stood your weight to the floor.

"Y/N- c'mon love.. talk to me." He whispers, his hand shaking as it held onto you. You tried to rip him off but instead he surrounds his arms around you, his head leaning on your shoulder, tears forming as he feels the cold atmosphere of your body.

"I can't keep waiting for the time where loving you doesn't hurt me, Tooru." You said quietly while he harshly closes his eyes and holds onto you even more.

"I'm so sorry- I promise I'll be here and you don't even need to question yourself- I- just come back to me..please." He pleaded, desperation in his voice while his tears streamed down on your clothes. You too looked away as a pool of your own tears were resurfacing.

"Tooru-"

"I'll be better- no I'll be the best for you. Everything Y/N- you're not selfish, never- I'm so fucking sorry." He digs his head into your neck even more while you tried your best to not let out a sob.

"You promise?" It was so little, like you didn't even want to say it because your expectations of love never met with reality. Sadly, Oikawa heard it yet there was a second where he hesitates and you took notice of that. How tiny of a detail makes you hold back on everything you wanted to say.

He removes his arms from behind you while he stands in front of you, now opposite to the power he had last night. It seems like it was your turn to have him this intimidated by the tension.

He takes your hands, caressing them, then holding them up to his face as he places sweet kisses on them. Some of his tears fell on your hand and he let them stay, while you hated how it was a genuine sign that he could be honest.

"I do, Y/N." You stared at him while he begs with his eyes. A single tear escapes your eye as it cascades down your cheek and wipes it away with his finger leaving traces on it.

You give him a nod and this sets his heart on fire.

His lips tug into a sad smile while he gently meets his forehead with yours, closing his eyes. He was more than thankful for another chance.

"I love you." He says, still with eyes closed, only focused on the beat of his heart syncing with yours.

Once again, the drug of love leaves a reaction in your body.

"I love you too."

-

Then the next few days, there was an ounce of hope.

Oikawa's nights were full of sleepless hours and what makes him stay awake is you, or at least how broken you were.

He couldn't help but imagine how you were in deep helplessness and you couldn't even gather the courage to call him because you thought he was more important than your own emotions. He imagines how you'd rather push your screams onto the pillow instead of voicing them out or even how you chose to smile for him after heavy hours of being accompanied by stress and insecurity.

It haunts him how he called you selfish, how he made you think that it was your fault for even being his- supporting him even. He needed you- he did but this thought is always surpassed by the fact that he always wanted to be number 1, to beat his own demons and the ever mocking Shiratorizawa.

He couldn't even remember where he took off practice to stay with you. He often visits your room to rest for a while but he barely gets to do that nowadays. During the mornings was his opportunity to give you a fraction of his time but something so simple he still forgets.

So, he makes up for it.

Even with the help of Iwaizumi, Oikawa goes home by 6pm so he spends the night with you even if it's for a few hours only. If he was going to prove himself to you, he'd do with a 100% of his body.

He was on the brim of losing you and he wasn't going to let himself be the reason for you to walk out of his life.

"What's wrong?" You asked as he laid in your lap, stroking his hair.

"I'm just happy that's all." You leaned your head on the pillow as he takes your hand, intertwining it with his kissing it once again.

There it was, the bad kind of butterflies that swarmed around you.

You wished you didn't forgive him that fast, it was nearly a day when you forgave him. The space that he mentioned basically meant nothing as he also gave in to it. He struck a nerve that day yet you went and took his apology like you've begged for it.

You did wanted to avoid him at all costs because there was never a moment where his insults didn't replay in your mind. You needed for him to realize that he had caused another split to your heart, what you didn't expect is for it to happen within hours.

You thought that Oikawa would've argued with his ego before he could talk it out but it happened so instantly that it didn't give you enough time to rethink your decision of forgiving him.

Oikawa held onto his ego but he had to remember his heart or else he would've dropped yours instead.

"It's getting late, Tooru. You should go." You said sighing before planting a kiss on his forehead. He smiles before sitting up and embracing you tight like you could slip any moment now. You had your arms wrapped around him as his slow breaths rested on your neck.

"I love you, Y/N." He says, holding on to you longer.

"You need to go Tooru-"

"Why don't we go on a date on Friday?" He asks pulling away from you. You raised an eyebrow at him as he chuckles.

"I need to spend more time with you." That's when it was your turn to smile, it felt so good to lift the heavy feeling off your chest, seeing that he's genuinely trying to be the best for you.

Your hand reaches for his cheek, your heart swelling with joy as you look at him while he leans in to your touch.

"I'd love that." He grins as he pampers your face with kisses at how excited he was to see the smile on your lips return. You let out fits of giggles as he continues to cover your faces with delicate pecks.

"Tooru- baby!" You shout as he laughs before placing both hands on either side of your face.

"Good night love, hopefully you don't dream of me this time?" He teases making you roll your eyes as you sneakily land a peck on his lips.

"That isn't too bad." You said chuckling as he kisses your lips while you smiled before allowing your lips to move with his. You pull away, flicking his forehead with your finger.

"Go." You said laughing, he gives you a pout before sighing and taking his bag from the floor.

"I'll see you on Friday then?"

"You'll see me tomorrow, Tooru."

"That's even better." He leaves with a smile on his face while what remains on yours were heated cheeks.

It was good to feel how love flowed in your bloodstream again, it wasn't bad to take in some of it's harshness from time to time.

-

"Really? Oikawa hasn't brought that up." You pout as Iwaizumi shrugs beside you, it was Friday and your boyfriend decided to miss it for some odd reason.

Iwaizumi brought up the topic of an upcoming match and that Oikawa saw an article of how Ushijima takes the crowd by storm again. He's never mentioned it to you but you did notice how he'd walk you home and instead of staying, he'd leave for some specific reasons.

"Anyway, will you be there?" Hanamaki asks, biting into his apple. You nodded of course. You couldn't miss the opportunity to see him outwit the opposite team again.

"I just hope he doesn't go crazy with training again, Wakatoshi taunts him even through a photo. I don't wanna see him- forget about his health." You wanted to say how you wanted to avoid arguments but the boys seem to agree to what you said knowing Oikawa oversteps his strength all the time.

"I'll watch over him." Iwaizumi says looking at you while you smile at him, grateful that if you weren't always there- it was Iwaizumi that you can count on.

"Thanks, Haji."

"Are you not worried about my health, Y/N?" Hanamaki says pouting making you laugh while Mattsukawa flicks his forehead with a straw.

After classes, home was calling your name for you to get ready on your date. There was the familiar feeling that kicks in, how you got excited when his name on your phone lights up the dark room, or when you see his jacket on your bed- it was back. The love bug has returned, how the first bite felt like love was overwhelming but you wanted to handle it.

God, you felt so silly- acting like one of his fan girls who got noticed by him. You were lucky enough to even obtain the title of being his so of course your heart nearly leaped out of your chest when he admitted his feelings to you. Though, it felt good. After the whole argument, you were scared if that feeling can ever come back now that it did- you were more than relieved.

-

The clock goes on as you wait for him to arrive.

Sure, it had been a good 20 minutes that passed but you were assuming that there'd be a meeting since there was a match coming up so you let your patience take over for a while.

But 20 minutes grew into an hour, and an hour turned into 2 more.

You couldn't even cry because you knew, it was too good to be true. Storming out your house changing out of the outfit you initially planned, you chose to dress into something more comfortable knowing it wasn't going to happen anyway.

You knew where to go.

As your feet lead you to the Seijoh gym, your heart was growing darker with each step.

Hearing the sound of volleyballs impacting on the floor, you already knew.

"Oikawa! Go home!" Iwaizumi shouts while the stubborn setter shakes his head, spiking another ball, out of breath as he do so.

You heard Iwaizumi loud and clear, that was enough for you to run back home, to never face his lies again.

Maybe you were a fool for lovebugs- but the bite wasn't to make you fall in love.

It was for you to stop.

"Go home, Oikawa. C'mon." Mattsukawa says sighing while the first years were already bidding them goodbye. Iwaizumi waves them off and tells them to rest well while Oikawa was still spiking to no end.

"I can't- I need to beat them." He says panting while the other third years share a look, remembering your words.

"What about Y/N?" Iwaizumi asks and it seems like this doesn't hit Oikawa like it's supposed to.

"Yeah, isn't it Friday? Aren't you guys supposed to be on a date?" The moment it leaves Hanamakis mouth, Oikawa stops. Iwaizumi sighs in annoyance when he sees the way his best friends expression drop with shock.

"You forgot didn't you?" Mattsukawa asks and suddenly he's brought back to the moment where he found you crying, now realizing that it was to put up the fact that Oikawa was the only reason.

Suddenly, the silence of the gym surrounded him like a tight space while his mind went at war for his mistake.

"Fuck! I- I have to go." Oikawa stutters as he immediately grabs his bag but before he leaves, he sees how disappointed his teammates looked at him. He looks away as he runs to cut the distance between you and him.

"This isn't going to be good for the both of them." Iwaizumi says sighing before picking up a few stray balls. The other two agree sadly but they hope that you two would be able to withstand the issue.

But Mattsukawa feels like you were at the tip of the cliff already.

After a few minutes, dozens of knocks awoke you from your corner as you knew who was at the other end.

"Y/N? Let me in please.." He begs through the door as you felt the tears continue to drip down your cheeks. You closed your eyes as Oikawa leans his head on the door, praying you'd open it.

And you did.

Your heart was numb, your eyes were giving out but watching him stand there made you feel alive, because you knew this was the last time you'll ever let the drug of love fool you again.

"Y/N- I'm so sorry I just we had a project and-"

"I didn't think you'd still lie to me." You said with a dry voice as his heart was pinned by your words.

"I didn't even know there'd be a match." You added, chuckling bitterly as Oikawa bites his lip looking down. You let out another laugh, the red hue of love was fading in your system turning into a deeper shade of how you've let the toxicity slip from your notice.

"I'm so fucking sorry-"

"Tell me then, can beating Ushijima bring you everything you've ever wanted?"

He was quiet. You put him in a spot where he shows too much hesitation that you wished you didn't even ask in the first place.

"And if you won, I guess that's when you can realize to put your health first." You continued stepping forward as his eyes looked at your exhausted ones.

You surprised him by tugging onto his shirt, gripping it with every might left in your body. You held him because there was nothing else for you to hold onto.

You tried to grab the last thread of love strapped in your body but it seems to have been cut when you saw him at the gym.

He didn't know if he could hold you because this a whole other side of you he prays to never see again. He just wanted the warmth of your skin on him but why was it that you felt the coldest to him?

"So please tell me, what do I have to do for you to stop choosing me?"

You said this with every timbre of your voice trembling as you land a firm punch to his chest then turning your back to him, letting out a sob.

"I understand, Tooru. God- I always have and it fucking sucks that I know I can't do anything about it." Oikawa looks at you, adrenaline rushing to his heart when it sinks in.

"I can't choose, Y/N. You're making this hard for me because I love both." His voice cracks at the idea of choosing between you and a sport he's loved since he was a kid. His dreams that he wants nothing more then to happen, while he visualizes a possible future with you.

"I've always known what you'd choose, I just wish I fucking knew when I needed to stop believing that it could be me." You were defeated and naïve, you should've known that it would bring you to this conversation over and over again. You tilt your head, harshly gasping for air as you sniffle, the heaviness of your eyes taunting you to sleep the pain away in hopes it'd be a dream instead.

"Y/N stop fucking saying that- you're acting like I didn't try and give you everything that I could!" He yells, his own eyes brimming up tears. You were surprised to hear this but seeing how his cheeks and ears were painted red, you knew that he's been trying to release all the things he wanted to say.

"And I did the same yet you always turn it on me, Tooru! All I've been saying is that I just wanted you to make me feel like I could be at the top of your list- even for a second but I just keep getting played over and over again." You rambled on and what makes you crack under the pain was a scoff.

"You knew what game you were playing, why didn't you stop?" He didn't attempt to stare at you since his question felt like it was mocking you.

You should've left. The moment where the crowd cheers for him while your shouts became the weakest, you should've known.

Oikawa did too.

He thought you would've gone and walked away when you had the chance but what shocks him is that you stayed. There's a voice in his head that tells him that what you two had can never remain permanent but he held onto his beliefs that he could make you stay no matter how difficult the game was.

"Because I fucking love you too much Tooru! God if I could just- get it out of my fucking veins then maybe I could realize how I've gone into a trap instead." You shouted, walking towards him with both your eyes wishing for it to be over.

"What trap are you talking about Y/N! I love you just as much as you did and I tried to make things work but it- isn't working anymore." His voice fades with his ending sentence while you've gone to a corner, sobbing and sliding off the wall, sitting on the floor as every ounce of love dies on you when you hear him.

"I don't know- it's a word that I can never know what it means- I can admit that it is scary." You said looking at the night sky, with your knees to your chest as Oikawa smiles fondly at your words.

"What's so scary about falling in love?"

You look at him before answering.

"Everything."

"Maybe I can show you that it can be beautiful." He says, staring into your orbs. You smiled at his words before resting your hand on top of his while he blushes before intertwining them.

"What if it hurts?" You ask him, adjusting your position as you listened to his convincing words.

"Love always hurts." He says sadly, chuckling in order to ease how bitter it was. He sees how your reaction didn't falter because you knew it was true, so with his hand lifting your chin to meet his eyes, he speaks.

"But that doesn't mean I can't take some of the pain away."

You felt Oikawas presence beside you as he leans his head on your shoulder closing his eyes as two people were tired of ripping each others heart.

"Maybe you should set me free." You whispered, your voice gave out, like your last words. Oikawa sucks in a harsh breath as you close your own eyes and he sees the final tear fall from your cheek.

"But I really don't want to."

[thirstofgames]

kitty and the jailbird

#️⃣2️⃣

-IT'S A MATCH-

A blank chat popped open and Damien stared at it for a second. He had honestly not expected it. The girl actually swiped him right. He looked at the clock impatiently; he did not have much time left in the library. There was a loud shout from the hallway, his muscles tensing, ready to hide the phone and bolt at any second.

He regretted that last question right as he pushed send. It sounded so bitter in his head now. It was a dating app after all and she was a good looking young woman.

you there?

...

hello?

busy flirting with your other matches, huh?

And there it was all about to end, the hot topic of his whereabouts. And the swift and cruel rejection that followed. It had already happened one too many times! Could he go through his again? Was it worth it? His palms were sweaty, but he never felt so cold. If the ground could just open up and swallow him whole before she finished asking... 

No, sorry

Just a little surprised we matched

you can unmatch if you want

Well, what I want is to talk with you 😊

Your profile caught my eye

what part?

Your profile pic at first.

Most guys can't pull off the broken, deep and scowling thing

But... looks good on you.

you don't look so bad yourself-

but then I read your description...

and I have to know something

shoot 🙄

It was a simple Yes/No question, but it took Kate way to long to answer. She bit her lip, thinking hard on the possibilities. It was such an unfair question though. She was not going to leave, but was not going to pursue anything with him until she knew what he was in for and how long he was going to be locked up. She'd wasted enough years waiting up on others... 

I'm just a little confused 🤔

Are you really in jail?

you gonna leave if I say yes?

It really depends...

A bittersweet smile spread on his lips. What was he expecting from a girl like her? She probably had a nice job, a supporting family and tons of friends and... an actual future. Why would she even consider wasting her time with him? The little time he had left... Better to just pull off the band aid!

She felt to bad! She hadn't meant to disregard his feelings, but wasn't it fair to let her know what she was getting into? She didn't even know what he was expecting from the conversation they were having... She was curious, but she didn’t want to lead him on.

okay, let's just say...

the orange pants and barbed wire are real

OMG

I have so mane questions 😱

here we go...

What did you do?

Wait, where do you even hide your phone?

STOP!

enough with the interrogation, alright?

I'm just curious...

sure, but i'm more than just a prisoner

a little respect goes a long way

Kate’s heart sank. He was hot, but the prison was a serious issue... She supposed people were not lining up to get to know him. He seemed pretty well rounded and mannered, but he was very defensive about his crime. Did that mean it was something really bad? But he was on a dating app... so maybe he was getting out soon? 

You're right!

I'm so sorry 😓

Let's change the subject

Why don't you tell me what you're looking for

hmmm

What?

i'm thinking...

nobody's really asked me that before

Seriously?

most people stop talking to me when they find out i'm locked up

i don't really blame them. i'm rough around the edges.

She didn't say anything for a while and Damien started wondering if he should just close the damn phone and leave. He should also probably take a break from Lovelink after this... it clearly wasn't doing him any good. Dark thoughts swarmed his mind and he had to close his eyes and head his head back against the bookshelf to get rid of the harrowing feeling. Like he was falling in an endless pit...  

The screen showed him typing and deleting several responses. Kate pursed her lips, impatient. Had she said anything wrong? She’d never spoken to someone who’d been locked up, she was still unsure what could trigger painful memories, or just remind him that he was... not free. But he said he just wanted to chat and his profile mentioned 'deep conversations'... 

Okay, I'm not running away, for now

but...

But I can't really make up my mind

If I don't know anything about you

So...

alright

honestly I'm just looking to talk to someone from the outside

it can get pretty boring in here, just waiting around the clock

Let's be friends then 😊

I'll be your window to the outside world

If that's alright with you...?

Damien sighed on the other end. Beggars can’t be choosers. It was a step in the right direction though. Maybe he was not going to find the love of his life at the very fucking end of said life. He was not living in some fairytale! He was still going to die, alone and forgotten.

But maybe... just a little less alone at the very end of his road. One friend meant more than none and maybe, just maybe... he could tell her his side of the story. Eventually. She seemed patient and understanding enough. Let at least one person out there know he did not murder his own father. 

sure

that's more than most

Of course a pretty thing like her got a lot on attention... She was only chatting up with him because the others were offline- 

but it must have been pretty bad to be such a long sentence

you still can't tell me what the crime was?

look, i've been making my own rules my whole life

you better ask what crimes I DIDN'T do

wow...

i'm no bragging or anything, just letting you know where I'm at

anyways, I'm more interested in what you're all about

what are you doing on an app like this?

Honestly...

I was about to uninstall it right before we matched 😅

Oh

you already found the one?

or no luck at all?

Well, I went on a few nice dates...

i see

Suddenly his experience on the app seemed less awful. Maybe it was not the right place. Or perhaps it was just the place for a misfit like him, here with all the weirdoes and con artists. 

And then they ditched me for their exes

Just my luck 😂

Oh and I swear to god if I see one more vampire 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄 🙄

vampires?

Yeees

You wouldn't believe some of the things I saw...

OMG, one dude was actually dresses up as a centaur

I...

don't even want to ask

There's also the 'prince' scam going around

Dudes claiming to be the heirs of some  

Made up countries and asking you for money

It wasn't quite a rejection, but it still hurt a little. She already mentioned twice she was only interested in him as friends. She didn't need to spell it out every few minutes! But she was the only one... 

Met some nice people too ☺️

Actually became good friends with some

Which is nice since I just moved here

were did you come from?

Pallay 💜

you're a long way from home

I know 😢

I suppose it was getting kinda lonely

My friends and family come visit when they can

But that's not a lot...

what brought you here?

Got a really good job opportunity

But I didn't quite realize how far away I'd be

So yeah, to answer your question from before...

I'm kinda just chatting with new people

Made more friends than anything else lol

Hope that's aright with you 🤗

A smile crept on his lips. An actual, genuine smile. How long had it been since he had any reason to? God, it felt good to talk to someone! Someone who didn't know him, who didn't shout 'walking corpse' after him, didn't judge him. He almost felt like his old self. Almost. 

i'm cool with that

Great!

Looking forward to getting to know you, Damien 😄

so let's get to it

tell me about yourself

hobbies, favorite food, anything

my hobbies are always changing 🤔

I start something new every month or so

Oh, and I started volunteering at a vet lately

🐱🐶💕

With a friend I made on this app

it suits you

Hmmmmm how would you know?

We've only just met

just a hunch

I could secretly be evil 😈

you couldn't hurt a fly

besides, I've seen evil and believe me

you're not it

I'm guessing you're not going to elaborate on that

Are you?

see, you know me so well already

Smartass 😝

 At lest until she finds out.

And I love food 🤤

Who doesn't? lol

But picking a favorite is like... impossible

I do have one hell of a sweet tooth  🍫🍬🍦

I'm soooo jealous

I miss making my own meals

That's right! You probably just have a cafeteria.

I'm so sorry 😓

it's cool

i'm glad we have something in common

Is there any food you miss?

Wait... was there even steak in that picture? Kate felt her ears burning, the fluffy pajamas studently itching at her skin.

just makin my own in general, being in charge in the kitchen

Damien scrolled quickly through his phone, the memories leaving a bitter taste in his mouth. He nearly didn’t send the photo. It felt like so long ago, a different time...a different person. But it felt so good to remember! To be reminded of the more happier moments when he had all his life ahead of him! And showing her a piece of his past may make her curious enough to stick around for a while longer.

He hit Send.

-Tap to download photo-

Oh

Looks... delicious

you like steak? 

Oh yeah, the food 😳

Wish I could have a bite of that hahaha

So not so shy and innocent as she claimed. Good to know. Even if it didn’t lead anywhere, which he had to be realistic about - he was on death row after all - it was still fun. The most fun he’d had in a long while. It felt...nice.

HA!

i wish you could too 😏

The door of the library swung open hitting the opposite wall. The guard in charge could be heard arguing with someone. At least four voices. He had to move fast.

I'm really hungry now 😅

good

Kate stared at the screen, the little green light besides his profile picture going grey. She scrolled through the conversation as if to make sure she hadn’t just imagined it. She tapped the picture he’d sent, a small smile creeping on her lips. He looked so... normal. Well, more like smoking hot, but she expected some kind of dump, or some greasy repair shop, not Greek sculpture level abs. The boy should come with a warning! She was a sucker for bad boys, but had she gotten so bad that she was now considering a fucking convict? What if he was a murderer or something??

shit!

???

someone's coming

gotta hide my phone

talk soon

Be careful! 🙏🏻

Her ice cream, forgotten on the coffee table, had turned to soup.

What had she gotten herself into?

[helloalycia]

black mercy // kara danvers

summary: when you're exposed to black mercy intended for Supergirl, you find yourself in your perfect dream world. You just didn't expect it to hurt so much.

warning/s: mentions of implied homophobia and losing your family.

author's note: this hit a lil too close to home lol

masterlist | wattpad 

"Kara? You home?" I called out after entering her apartment with the key she gave me. "I've got food!"

When I got no response, I closed the front door and set the takeout on the kitchen table. She'd told me to meet her here, so where was she?

I was about to go and check her bedroom, but I stopped when I saw some weird glowing plant-looking thing on the floor by the couch. Curiosity got the best of me and I edged closer to it, wondering what the hell it was.

I screeched when it suddenly leaned towards me, knocking me off my balance and sending me into a tunnel of black.

–

I woke up to my alarm going off and out of instinct, I stretched my arm out and smacked the top of my clock. It took me a moment to open my eyes, as usual, and I reached across the bed for Kara, but she wasn't there. My eyebrows scrunched together as I finally opened my eyes, only to widen them instantly at what I was seeing.

"What the..." I sat up immediately, taking in my surroundings.

I was in my bedroom, back at home. The one I grew up in. The one I had lived in until four years ago, when I came out to my family and they kicked me out. Huh?

"Y/N? Darling, are you up?"

I felt my heart drop to my stomach when I heard my mum's voice from downstairs. It had been so long since I'd heard her talk to me without hatred in her voice...

"Mum?" I jumped out of bed cautiously, but when she called my name out again, the little kid in me forgot about questioning what was happening, and instead led me to opening my door. "Mum?!"

"You're awake, great. Do you want eggs? I'm making them for Haris," she called upstairs.

I moved to the bannister, desperate to see her face, and leaned over to see her standing at the bottom of the stairs. I froze as she smiled up at me like nothing had happened. Like she hadn't screamed in my face about how I was a disgrace to my family, to my religion. Like she hadn't told me she hated what I had chosen and she hadn't kicked me out without warning.

"Well?" she asked again, and I felt my mouth go dry.

I couldn't form a response as I straightened up, taking a step back. I was standing in the corridor of my upstairs childhood home. My mum was calling me, asking me about breakfast that she was cooking for the brother I hadn't seen in four years. Something was definitely wrong.

–

"Sshh, she's waking up now..."

I blinked my eyes open slowly, feeling a headache coming on. I tried to sit up and felt someone help me. When I looked up, I saw it was my mum sat beside me, smiling with concern.

I felt my breathing pick up again, shaking my head. If this was a dream, it was the most realistic dream I'd ever had.

"You fainted, Y/N, how are you feeling?" my mum asked, squeezing my hand gently.

"I broke your fall in case you were wondering," a familiar voice spoke, and I turned my head to see my brother, Haris, sat on the chair opposite me.

"Haris," I breathed out, eyes wide with shock.

"You're acting weird," he commented, leaning forward to take a better look at me. "You must have really hit your head."

I began to look around with panic and confusion, noticing I was downstairs now, in the living room. What the hell was happening?

"Okay, I can't find an ice pack, but there was a bag of frozen vegetables that should do the trick."

I stood up, backing away now, when I saw my dad entering the living room, holding a bag of frozen vegetables. When he noticed me, he brightened up.

"Oh, you're awake, honey," he said with relief. "How's your head?"

I looked between the three of them with disbelief. They were staring at me as if I was the strange thing here, as if I was acting insane.

"What the hell is going on in here?" I said, shaking my head. "This... this can't be real. You guys... this... this isn't real!"

"Baby, what are you talking about?" my mum asked with concern. She stood up and moved forward, resting a hand on my head as if she was inspecting it.

I wanted to back away, I knew I should have. This wasn't real. But as soon as she touched me, my breath escaped me and I felt like a little kid all over again. She was staring at me like an endearing mother, not even an ounce of hatred present in her eyes. I didn't realise how much I missed that until I had it again.

"You can't be real," I said, forcing myself to push her hand away.

"Usually I would make fun of you, but you're starting to worry us," Haris commented, standing up and moving forward to rest a hand on my arm. "You okay?"

I shook him off, stepping away. "No! This isn't real! What is happening?"

"Y/N–"

"Where is Kara?" I asked, looking around as if she'd suddenly show up. "Kara?!"

"Who is Kara?" Haris whispered loudly to our parents.

I glared at him. "Kara is–" I stopped speaking when the words escaped me. I blanked for a moment, furrowing my eyebrows. "She's..." I racked my brain desperately, until finally it clicked. "She's my girlfriend, Kara is my girlfriend!"

"You have a girlfriend?" my mum asked me, slightly confused.

I was growing agitated as I clenched my jaw. This wasn't real. If it was, I wouldn't be here.

I stormed off, making my way to the front door and leaving the house, expecting to find an exit to this insane dream I was having, but nope. I was still at my house, standing on the front porch and staring out into the street.

"Y/N, if you're acting weird because it's the first time telling us about your new girlfriend, you shouldn't be," my dad said, and I turned around to see he had followed me outside. "It's great that you've got a girlfriend! We'd love to meet her if you want us to."

I swallowed the lump in my throat, cocking my head to the side as I watched the man before me smiling my way.

"You... you what? You're okay with me being gay?"

"I thought we went through this already," he said, a little confused. "We hugged, cried and said it didn't matter, remember? Like a year ago?"

I thought about it, wondering if I had genuinely had a brain injury at this point. Would I know that though? Probably not. Either way, I was confused about this. They were supposed to hate me. I hadn't see them since... wait, since when?

"You should come inside and we can have breakfast together," my dad continued, wrapping an arm around my shoulder and leading me back inside the house. "Might make you feel better. What d'you say, Y/N/N?"

I glanced at him, expecting him to laugh in my face and call this a joke. I could only remember him as an angry, bitter man, refusing to utter a word my way. Yet here we were. It felt so real that I almost believed it was. Maybe all that stuff I was remembering hadn't happened. They were okay with me. They still loved me. I had my family back.

–

"This isn't a fair game," I pointed out to Haris, trying not to laugh. "You're tall and lanky. You take up half the net."

Haris rolled his eyes playfully. "Just have a go, come on."

I sighed dramatically before setting the football on the grass and backing up. Taking a deep breath, I ran forward and kicked the ball the hardest I could. It flew forward and I was confident it would go in, but one stretch of his arm and Haris had blocked it.

"For fuck's sake," I muttered as he laughed.

"Language!" my mum called from the barbecue.

I spun around and saw my parents stood side by side, cooking burgers on the grill. I smiled at the sight, even if my mum was giving me a knowing look.

"Sorry," I apologised, before looking back to Haris. "See what I mean by unfair?"

"Go and get my goalie gloves from the table by the door and we can switch positions," he said, giving in.

"Why do I need gloves and you don't?" I asked, quirking an eyebrow. "You doubting my skills?"

He chuckled. "No, but you have a tendency to rat me out to mum when the ball hits your fingers and hurts. Remember last time?"

I laughed and began to walk inside. "Fair point. Give us a second."

"Forgetting something?" my mum called out when I walked past her.

I stopped and looked at her, seeing her pat her cheek jokingly. I playfully rolled my eyes, but headed to give her a kiss on the cheek.

"I'm coming right back," I informed her knowingly.

"Do you have to be leaving to show me you love me?"

"So dramatic," I mumbled, but a smile was on my lips as she laughed.

I headed inside and to the table by the front door, spotting Haris's goalkeeper gloves. As I picked them up, I heard a knocking on the front door. I dropped the gloves and went to answer it, wondering who could be stopping by at dinner time.

When I opened the door, I noticed a blonde headed woman looking around with a puzzled expression.

"Er, can I help you?" I asked with confusion, gaining her attention.

She met my eyes and widened her own, immediately moving forward and pulling me into a hug.

"Oh Rao, I was so scared," she got out, mumbling into my shoulder.

"Er..." I paused as she pulled away. "I'm sorry, do I know you?"

Her blue eyes softened as a frown appeared on her lips. "No... you can't be in that deep already. I went straight to Alex. You can't have forgotten already..."

I shook my head, feeling uncomfortable. "Forgotten what? And who is Alex? Who are you?"

The blonde swallowed hard as she refused to break our gaze. "Y/N, it's me, c'mon. It's Kara. Your Kara."

"I don't know a Kara," I said, shaking my head and already making a move to close the door. "Sorry–"

"Y/N, no!" she cut me off, barging through the door roughly, entering my house.

I widened my eyes, growing angry. "Hey, you can't just come in here without permission! I'll call the police if you don't leave!"

She didn't seem the least bit concerned by my threat as she stopped with surprise, at the bottom of my stairs. She looked around slowly, as if taking everything in with great caution.

"This... this is your parents' house," she said with realisation, eyes focused on the family photos hung on the wall. "The house you grew up in."

"What the hell are you going on about?" I asked her, before shaking my head and pulling the front door open wider. "Look, you need to leave."

She met my eyes with apologetic ones. "Your perfect fantasy is here. Which means they're here too. Your family..."

"Who the hell are you?" my dad asked, and I realised the three of them had entered the hall with defensive expressions. He looked to me with concern. "Honey, are you okay?"

I nodded as the three of them stood by me protectively. "I'm good. She just barged in here. She won't leave."

"If you don't leave, we're calling the police," Haris threatened, glaring at the strange blonde.

The blonde ignored him and looked directly at me. "Y/N, I'm so sorry I let this happen. I really am. I didn't think... Rao, this isn't good. Look, you have to listen to me. This isn't real. None of this is real. They aren't your parents!"

I furrowed my eyebrows. Why would a complete stranger just come in here and say all of that? Why would they tell me this?

"Get the hell out of our house," my mum growled angrily, stepping in front of me. "You don't know anything!"

"Y/N, please listen to me!" the stranger continued, her voice pleading as she stepped forward to get to me, but Haris stood by my mum's side. "You're trapped here because of an alien parasite called Black Mercy. You're its host and it's making you think this is your perfect reality so it can trap you here, but it's not!"

"Alien parasite...?" I questioned with the utmost confusion.

"Don't listen to her, honey," my dad reassured, resting a hand on my shoulder.

"You're leaving now," Haris said angrily, grabbing the blonde by the arm.

She tried to budge, mumbling, "Damn it, no powers," before attempting to resist his strong hold.

"Get her out of here," my mum told him, moving me away so he could lead her to the door.

"Get off me– Y/N! Please listen! You have to get out of here yourself! You have to resist it yourself otherwise you'll be stuck here and I can't get back to you!" She tried to get out of Haris' grip, but he was using both hands now, almost dragging her to the door.

I felt myself growing concerned for her wellbeing as he tried to pull her out of here, but she was fighting her hardest to escape his grasp and get to me.

"You have to come back to us, Y/N!" she yelled, tears escaping her eyes. "Come back to me, your girlfriend, Kara! Remember? We live together and we love each other and you are my world and I can't lose you!" She managed to escape Haris' grasp and run towards me, but my dad kept her at bay.

I felt my mouth drying out as she watched me with a broken expression, blue eyes glassy with tears.

"Nia and Alex and Brainy and J'onn, they're all waiting for you back home!" she shouted, shaking her head. "I can't get you out of here, but you have to listen to me and reject this world. Please!"

I watched as she was being dragged to the door by my brother and father, and it was as if something had suddenly clicked, because I remembered who she was.

"Kara!" I shouted, my eyes widening with realisation.

She stopped struggling as a grin appeared on her face. "Yes! It's me! You're remembering!"

I felt my breathing grow heavier as they pushed her out the front door and slammed it shut. I ran forward to go to her, but they stopped me.

"Y/N, you can't listen to that crazy person!" Haris said, before waving his goalie gloves in the air. "C'mon, we were having fun!"

I shook my head, trying to push past him. "Haris, just let me past–"

"Honey, we've got a barbecue to get back to," my dad said, a smile on his face as if he hadn't just kicked Kara out.

I stepped back, shaking my head, about to argue, but I bumped into my mum.

"Darling, we made dinner, we shouldn't let it get cold," she said, resting her hands on my shoulders.

I looked between the three of them and saw the excitement on their faces. But none of it was real. The love they were showering me with, the nostalgia of it all, it wasn't real.

But Kara was.

"I would do anything for this to be my reality," I said, feeling my throat close up. "All I ever wanted was to have you in my life. To approve of who I am."

"We do," my mum said, caressing my face.

I leaned into her touch, my eyes growing blurry because of the tears forming. "I wish that were true. God knows what I would give for that to be true." I let go of her and shook my head. "But it's not. Because this isn't real."

"Y/N–"

I closed my eyes as tightly as I could. "This isn't real. I know it isn't. So let me go! It's not real! None of it!" I breathed out before shouting, "Let me go!"

When I opened my eyes again, they were heavy, like bricks were sitting on top of them. I forced them open, looking around and seeing the medical room I was in. I wasn't in my house. My parents weren't here.

"Y/N!"

I sat up slowly, seeing Kara speeding towards me.

"Kara, wait–"

But Kara ignored Alex as she moved forward to embrace me. Her tears soaked my shirt and she held on tight as if I would disappear. I stopped paying attention after that, trying to understand that I was no longer with my family. They were gone.

Kara pulled away and I felt her eyes on me, but I didn't meet them.

"Kara, give her a minute," I heard Alex say, pulling her back, before mumbling, "Remember how you felt?"

My mouth felt dry and my eyes were aching as I held in tears. I tried to maintain my breathing as I looked up to Kara and Alex. Brainy and J'onn were there, too, quiet and in the background.

"What just happened?" I asked, my voice raspy and ready to break at any second.

Nobody answered at first, probably debating between them who would speak. Finally though, Brainy spoke up.

"You were exposed to an alien parasite called Black Mercy. It's purpose is to find a host and make them dream of their perfect fantasy world whilst slowly killing them. Kara went in after you, managing to coax you out of it."

I nodded to show I'd heard him, but I was still trying to process it all. My family still hated me. They didn't want to see me. They pretended I didn't exist. Nothing had changed.

Except I knew what it could have been like if they had accepted me.

"Can you all get out, please?" I asked, finally finding words.

"Y/N–"

"Now, please?" I cut Alex off with an empty stare.

She nodded slowly and everybody began to leave. Kara hesitated, torn between staying and leaving. Only when Alex tugged on her arm did she finally join them in leaving.

I closed my eyes for a moment, trying to regulate my breathing, but it kept getting quicker and quicker as I subconsciously imagined the world I'd just been ripped from. I squeezed tears out and opened my eyes, half-hoping to see my family again, but I was still sat in a medical bay at the DEO.

My breathing was becoming impossible to control now, speeding up, along with my heart rate. Tears were uncontrollable as they flooded from my eyes, making it impossible for me to see clearly.

All I kept thinking about was how I would never have it. I would never have them in my life, loving me and being there for me and treating me like they used to. It was a dream. An impossible one.

I was shaking, my head tucked in between my legs as I tried to stop hurting myself by thinking about it, but I couldn't.

I felt arms wrap around me and instinctively tried to shove them away, but I soon realised it was Kara and let her hold me.

"I'm sorry," she muttered hoarsely. "I'm so sorry, Y/N."

She rubbed my back soothingly and stayed with me as I cried it all out, mumbling incoherent things. She didn't question me or make me explain anything, she simply stayed with me and unknowingly reminded me what I had here, in my reality.

Eventually I stopped crying, but I stayed there, not wanting to leave her warm embrace. It would make it all real, everything that happened. I would have rather just stayed here in my little protective Kara bubble. But I knew I couldn't.

"How did this happen?" I asked Kara, my voice cracking.

Kara swallowed hard. "I found you in my apartment. Somebody who knows my identity, an enemy, was targeting me. But it got to you instead. Alex is still trying to find out who... I'm so sorry, Y/N. I never meant for this to happen."

I lifted my head from her chest and met her eyes. "This wasn't your fault, Kara. I don't want you blaming yourself."

Kara smiled sadly. "I should have kept you out of this. Kept you safe."

I rested a hand on her cheek and stroked it with my thumb. "You saved me. If you hadn't come after me, I'd still be there."

A tear escaped her eye and she pulled away, wiping it with her finger. "I thought, for a moment back there, that I wouldn't be able to convince you. That I'd lost you for good. Your perfect world was having your family back... I can't compete with that."

I didn't know what to say because now that I thought about it, there was a chance I could have stayed. I could have given in to the part of me that wanted to believe it was real, and eventually I would have.

Instead, I leaned forward and wrapped my arms around her, pulling her in for a hug. I closed my eyes and revelled in her comfort, glad I hadn't made the mistake of staying.

When I pulled away, she rested a hand on my cheek and met my eyes with her determined blue ones.

"I love you so much," she spoke gently. "I need you to know that."

"I do," I said, resting my hand on hers. "I love you, too, Kara."

She looked between my eyes as if trying to find some doubt, and I sensed the nervousness in hers.

"You never need to compete with that," I said to her with as much reassurance as I could. "I picked you. I'll always pick you."

"But you want them, too, and I can't give you that," she said with disappointment.

"They don't want me," I reminded her, my eyes stinging a little. "Deep down, I guess, yeah, it would be my perfect world. Having them back. Isn't that all any kid wants?" I sighed, my jaw hurting from clenching my teeth unknowingly. "It doesn't mean anything. I've dreamt about it before. The only difference is, this time it felt real. That doesn't mean I don't love what I have now. That I don't love you. Because I really do, Kara."

Kara nodded, but she still seemed hesitant. I didn't blame her. I'd almost lost her to an alien parasite.

I leaned forward and pressed my lips to hers, closing my eyes as she began to kiss back. It wasn't long, but I hoped she understood the truth to my words – that I truly loved and appreciated her. The despite everything that had happened, despite how much I wished my family would magically call me back and tell me they loved me, I still wanted Kara. And I always would.

We pulled apart breathlessly, eyes locked.

"I love you," I told her simply, offering a small, broken smile.

She mirrored my expression, before leaning forward and pressing a kiss to my forehead.

"I love you, too," she whispered before hugging me again, tightly and desperately.

I closed my eyes and hoped that when I opened them, I'd still be in her arms.

I was.

[kiirogirl]

Don't you shiver

25th March 2020

Her first ever date.

Hand in hand round the food stalls.

Brokenhearted when they part with an, "I'm sorry, it won't work. Your legs are just too fat"

That's what the future had in store for her. It's written in her book, after all.

But little, hopeful Nene seems to have forgotten about this little detail when Fuji-kun, one of her hot classmates, asks her out.

Well, it's actually not her fault if her brain short-circuits when a hot guy is involved. It's just how she is.

But she can't blame no one else either if now she feels like her heart has been ripped from her chest and cut into little pieces.

The only thing she can blame is this stupid feeling of hope that grows in her stomach every time she sets her eyes on a boy who seems like a good person. That kind of hope that makes her all giggly inside. The hope of making someone smile by just being herself.

The hope of sharing something special with a boy who makes her happy.

The hope of being loved and appreciated for what she is.

Nene knows she sounds selfish and maybe immature, but she really needs this. She needs to be loved. She needs to know if she ever crosses someone's mind, 'cause sometimes she just feels like she could disappear and nobody would care.

She is literally afraid of this. Afraid of waking up one morning and feeling terribly lonely. Feeling like she isn't enough for anyone, not even herself.

Because it was never about Fuji-kun or Minamoto senpai or that guy she fell for in middle school. Screw them. It has always been about her and her constant attempts to search for love and validation in a relationship with a popular guy.

And no matter how many times she felt rejected, she never gave up. Because her hope, her desire, never faded.

But now.. Now, she feels like something in her has broken.

She's tired of trying, tired of being stepped on… tired of exposing her heart just for it to be tossed away like trash.

That desperation, that fear of being unable to connect to other people in a way that makes her feel like she's worth of someone's love.. It feels more real than ever.

And it hurts. Her chest hurts. Her stomach hurts. Her head hurts.

She feels like she could throw up at any moment.

And it's all because of her stupid legs.

She hates them.

Nene cries loudly, unable to contain herself.

It must be the reason why Hanako finds her. Or maybe it's the bond, at this point she's not sure.

"Yashiro! There you are" he says as he approaches her. She just stays there, sitting on the dirty floor of the school greenhouse, not saying anything. The look of relief in his face suddenly changes when he sees her crying.

"Do you have any idea how worried I was?" Hanako asks, the anger in his voice in contrast with his concerned eyes.

It's actually very rare to see him like this, all serious and not his usual buffoon self.

His worried expression reminds her of when Hanako took his hat off at the confession tree and for a moment she feels the same reassuring warmth she felt back then.

But then Nene remembers that he led her on too, making her feel stupid for hoping he liked her not just because he needs an assistant but because she means something to him. And her chest hurts more than ever before.

Unable to look at Hanako any longer, she lowers her head, trying to hide it between her crossed arms.

Surprisingly, the boy doesn't say anything at all.

It's so quiet that for an instant she thinks he has left, but then she feels a cold body enveloping her and she doesn't need to look to know that it's the ghost.

Nene actually wants to reject him, to yell at him to stop playing with her feelings, to stop pretending that he cares just because of the bond.

But she doesn't.

"Leave me alone" she whispers instead, knowing perfectly well that he won't listen.

"You know I would never leave you alone when you're like this" he just says, softly kissing her temple while caressing her head.

They stay like that for a while, Hanako holding her tight while she cries her heart out.

It's unfair, Nene thinks. It's unfair that a cold, stupid, kind ghost can make her feel so warm inside. It doesn't make any sense.

"You're unfair" she gives voice to her thoughts as she finally raises her head.

"Well, I need you to be more specific than that" he says jokingly, then with his thumbs he delicately wipes away the tears from her eyes.

Nene can feel her cheeks getting warm under his cool touch.

"Better?" then he asks smiling.

"Yes, I think.." that's the only thing she can answer because yes, she momentarily feels slightly better, but her heart still hurts at the thought that she's gonna die alone.

"I'm sorry if this morning I yelled at you. I have no rights to tell you that you can't go on a date" then he says, holding her hands.

"No, I should apologize for calling you a jerk and not listening to you. At the end you were right… I shouldn't have gone with Fuji-kun" she apologizes, looking at their intertwined fingers.

She wonders if Hanako is aware of the chaos he's creating in her head with these little affectionate gestures.

"He said my legs are too fat for him" then she confesses with a bitter smile, "it was written in my book and even if I knew it was coming, it hurt as hell."

Nene can feel the tears forming again at the corners of her eyes but she immediately wipes them away.

"Yashiro.."

Hanako squeezes her hand and "He's the real jerk. He doesn't deserve you" he declares.

"You're saying that just because I'm your assistant" she decides to confront him.

The ghost searches for any trace of irony in her face, but she looks away.

"What? Why would you say that?" he asks incredulously.

"Because it's true. Sometimes I feel like you only pretend to care about me because we're bonded".

"Yashiro, look at me" Hanako says, lifting her chin with his finger. "I don't know if you're joking or not but this is actually the stupidest thing I have ever heard in 60 years" he affirms.

Nene almost feels offended.

"First of all, why would I do that? Second of all, what would I get out of pretending to care for someone? I'm dead! This is so stupid" he seems actually angry.

"But-"

"I really, really care about you, Yashiro. I care way too much about you. I don't know how you could even think about something like that! Why do you think I'm always worried sick about you? Why do you think I'm always trying to protect you? For the same reason I didn't want you to go on that stupid date! It hurts me to see you hurt, ok? And it hurts me that you think so low of me" he concludes. It seems like he won't allow a reply.

"But Hanako-"Nene can't finish her sentence: it's a moment and her mouth is shut by a pair of cold, pink lips, interrupting her line of thought.

She's shocked and her head spins and her heart feels like it's exploding, but she doesn't pull away.

One of Hanako's hand reaches for her face, starting to caress her burning cheek while her mouth is cuddled by his soft, thin lips.

The kiss is brief and sweet and it's enough to make both a blushing mess.

Hanako is the first to pull back and he's as overwhelmed as Nene.

"I'm sorry! I shouldn't have kissed you without your consent! I'm terribly sorry!" he yells, getting more and more flustered.

"I" she says, trying to regain her mental abilities.

It was her first kiss. She finally gave her first kiss and it tasted like candies, donuts, summer festivals, fireworks and spaceships. It was perfect.

Nene feels like she could melt at any given moment.

"You shouldn't be sorry, I really liked it" she manages to say and in a spurt of courage she reaches for his lips once again. It's another gentle kiss, but it makes Nene heart race and the butterflies in her stomach go wild.

Hanako is melting too, how ironic. He takes his hat off and "now you understand why you shouldn't think that awful things?" he timidly asks, looking at the hat in his hands.

Nene blushes and nods vigorously, unable to say anything.

Then the boy visibly gulps, raising his look to meet her eyes.

"I know you're in a difficult place right now and that you're emotionally hurt and confused, but I really like you, Yashiro, and I'm sorry if you feel overwhelmed because of all of the stress I'm putting you through. I don't expect you to return my feelings or to give me an answer right away. I want you to take your time to think about it and to recover from your heartbreak. I really want to do things right with you, even if you decide to be just friends. I don't want you to take a decision you'll regret or to rush things. You're very special to me and I just want what's best for you. "

Nene can't help but tear up a little, really touched by the ghost's words. She doesn't really know what to say, feeling too much at once.

But she knows that she really likes Hanako.

"I sure hope this is a real confession" she says as she leaps into his arms, making him laugh.

"It is" he smiles at her, then he leaves a kiss on her forehead.

"Now, if you'll excuse me, I have a certain someone to torture" the boy grins pulling out his knife and making the most terrifying face Nene has ever witnessed.

"Tell me you're not planning to use that on Fuji-kun, please" she says pointing at the weapon.

".... Maybe?"

"Hanako!"

"Ok, ok, I won't torture him."

"Good"

"But maybe a little push down the stairs.."

At this point she just stares disappointed at him.

"So you don't want any kind of revenge?"

"No, I don't want to waste time on that jerk"

"Then we may have a problem…"

"What?"

"I told Kou about your date and he immediately went to that guy to beat him up"

"Kou WHAT?"

"Yeah.. I guess I'll go stop him, then" Hanako says as he disappears, leaving her a last kiss on her head.

Nene just stays there, staring at the spot where the boy disappeared with a blushing face and a storm of butterflies in her stomach.

And maybe there's still hope in her. Maybe she doesn't mind exposing her heart once again…

Because she has the feeling that this time, she will not regret it.

Also on ao3: https://archiveofourown.org/works/23304325

Hope you like it❤️

[roxannepolice]

I agree with that other anon. Rey doesn't seem to ever really feel the full impact of her decisions, especially in TLJ. Call me bitter, but I think that what she did to Kylo was unfair. Obviously, she was always going to join the Resistance, but the whole "I'll help you" and then ditching him when he didn't do what she wanted, was low. Sure Kylo needs to make some changes, but it bugs the hell outta me when Rey's flaws are not addressed at all. (sorry for the rant)

No, it's ok, anon, I consider myself one of the sworn brothers and sisters of The Salt Cave of Nitpicking, Ranting and Venting and am there for the pilgrims.

To be fair to Rey, Star Wars karma isn't exactly a workaholic, so expecting her to suffer consequences isn't exactly something that will be satisfied. I would also point out that Rey has been skipping agency too much for the universe to answer yet. What I think should be called out is a lack of proper emotional responses to things happening to Rey, especially because of her own actions. Again, her escapism is psychologically realistic, but I wouldn't say guess what this character feels basing on structural theories and screencaps is exactly a good idea for characterization. I mean, Dostoyevski and Tolstoy spared no ink on minutely describing their characters' mental states, can we stop pretending Disney is just more intelligent than that?

As for the elevator scene... look, I know that reylos love it and I see why they love it but... it's just like Luke's arc around this point - you just can't tell if it's a set up for subvertion, mockery of all of SW messages or really to be taken at text value only no one watched the third act to see how it ends up looking. Just as Luke realising offscreen that he needs to apologize to Ben right after he went apage satanas at Rey for reaching out to him makes the Crait "apology" look like a mockery, so Rey's I'll help you followed by Screw you makes her look like a dummy who needed a lesson indeed. I mean, even assuming this really is what I hope it is - a promise which looks like it was shrugged at in one episode but remembered and delivered upon in the next. Is that really what you get from the way Rey delivers this line? Let's take a look at another of Disney's popcultural paragons who also has a tendency to say things which sound like encouraging but naive bs yet later prove to have a point - Steve Rogers. Just compare the way he gives his intentionally a bit annoying pep talks and confident I could do this all days even when he's a skinny asthmatic who needs to be rescued by his winter prince charming, to the way in which Rey says I'll help you. It's not just confident, it's reassuring, like she knows more about the dark side than Ben does. It's no wonder that in the novelization he's snarky about her acting like a master psychotherapist. And I get it - maybe it's supposed to be realistic rather than theatrical acting (in real life cases of non-empty promises we wouldn't be talking like Chris Evans either) - but here we're back at the general problems of putting mustard of realism on a space fairy tale sweet roll.

Again, I'm not really expecting or calling for Rey to suffer the consequences of anything, she has suffered a lot in her life. But I do hope for some explicit, operatic, overblown emotional response to a loss.

[whitewolfofwinterfell]

this is random but what are your thoughts on swanfire? they're my ouat otp (probably my second favorite otp of all time, actually), and while i'll be forever bitter that their story was cut short, it's almost a blessing considering how the writing on the show went to hell (no pun intended) the minute elsa came out of that portal...

Honestly, Swanfire is a ship that I have a tendency to completely forget about because the show treated them like they never existed after Neal’s death (except for a few scenes in season 5 when Emma was the Dark One) and the fandom for them on here is so small and not very visible. However, whilst I don’t think of myself as an active Swanfire shipper, I do really like them and think they could’ve developed into something truly amazing. 

Emma and Neal were two lost children that found home, safety and belonging in one another. Their very existence’s parallel against one another - Emma was born from true love and light magic, whilst Neal was born from the darkness.  From the pilot Emma was established as a lone wolf, someone that was lonely and found it difficult to open up to others, so the fact that Emma, who was naturally guarded and defensive fell so in love with Neal is very telling. Emma couldn’t have developed those feelings for just anyone, Neal was special. As far as we know in canon, Emma only loved two people and in my opinion, Neal was not only her first love but her true love. Not only does Emma find it hard to open up her heart to others, but when she does there is no going back from that. When she truly lets someone in, she lets them in completely, heart, body and soul, and she did that with Neal. Emma said and showed more than once that her love for Neal was something that had stayed with her and would stay with her for the rest of her life. Despite how much he broke her heart after he left and the trauma she endured going to prison, giving birth alone and giving Henry up, deep down inside, she never stopped loving Neal and that’s a true testament to just how strong and powerful that love was. 

I can’t talk about Swanfire without talking about Henry, because he’s such an important part of their love. Despite the circumstance of his birth and the fact that he grew up without Emma and Neal, Henry was born out of love, just like Emma was. When Emma and Neal found him again they both realised how much they loved him and it was so beautiful to see two parents that for all intents and purposes had ‘abandoned’ their child have a second chance to get to know their son and bond with him. What always sticks with me is that despite the many important relationships and bonds Henry had in his life, Emma and Neal always felt like the strongest. I’m a strong advocate for family being more than blood (particularly since my biological father abandoned me and I was raised by my half brother’s father, who was more of a dad to me than he ever was), there is an inexplicable bond between biological parents and their children. Henry grew up a lot like Emma and Neal did - like a lost child - because Regina wasn’t the mother he deserved. Henry craved that sense of family and belonging that Emma and Neal did, and when the three of them were together it just worked. You could really feel that Henry was Emma and Neal’s son, because he had parts/traits of both of them. There was so much potential and opportunity to do wonderful things with Emma, Neal and Henry and it will always frustrate me that we didn’t get to see more of them. They were robbed of being together when Henry was a baby and when they finally reunited and had a chance to be a family, they were robbed again. Regardless, Henry was a product of Emma and Neal’s love and a life long connection to Neal for Emma. One of my favourite scenes from season 5 is when Emma and Henry are sat in Emma’s bug and Henry tells her he sang ‘Only You’ and Emma asks if Neal taught him (x). The reason I love it so much is because it shows how important Neal was to both of them and that despite how little the show acknowledged Neal after his death, he was still part of both of them. Neal might have ceased to be a physical presence on the show after his death, but Emma and Henry carried him with them always and that’s important. 

In the short time we had Neal with us, his relationship with Emma was beautifully written and developed. I can’t fault anything about the way in which it was written, except for the way it ended because it was so unfair. At some point the writers decided that they wanted to explore Emma’s relationship with H00k (because for some bizarre reasons writers always seem to choose the angsty relationship with the handsome “bad guy” instead of the already established and developed relationship) and at that point, any hope for Neal’s character and his relationship with Emma was destroyed. I think the writers knew it would be very hard to organically push an Emma/H00k relationship with Neal still alive, because how could they go back on what they’d developed between Emma and Neal? We saw their history, their love and had actually witnessed Emma tell Neal with H00k standing a few feet away that she loved him and always would. Neal had been confirmed as the person that had Emma’s heart, and I don’t think the writers knew how to backtrack or swerve around that in order to make Emma and H00k believable. Not to mention that H00k and Neal were actually friends with H00k being like a mentor of sorts to young Neal, so that creates more issues with trying to establish an Emma/H00k relationship with Neal still alive. I 100% believe that Neal’s death happened in order to pave the way for Captain Sw/an and no one will ever convince me otherwise. You only have to look at the timeline of season 3 to see that - Neal died in 3x15 and by 3x22 Captain Sw/an were canon. 

It’s sad that we didn’t have longer with Neal and that there was so much potential left unexplored when it came to Emma and Neal’s relationship and their little family with Henry. However, like you pointed out, in a strange way it might have been a good thing because you don’t know how the writers might have ruined them in the later seasons. As it stands, Emma and Neal’s love story is one of the sweetest and most organic of the show, despite the fact that we didn’t have it for very long. And the fact that Neal died means that in a strange way his relationship with Emma has been more respected than I think it would’ve been if they kept him alive and made Captain Sw/an canon at the same time. 

I hope you enjoyed reading my thoughts on Swanfire, and if you haven’t already I’d recommend reading this meta by @sulietsexual about Emma and Neal, because I think it’s so beautiful and much better than anything I could ever write.