#i’m so grateful for the ppl who leave comments they truly make my day when i get them but as a whole i’ve just felt. unappreciated

[jonathanbiers]

-

[yamagucji]

love letters from cupid.

dear lovely anons,

i cherish every bit of interaction we have. im extremely grateful to know that there are people out there who read and enjoy my works. hm, hope you know that i care about each of you. honestly sometimes i just wanna make a post dedicated to each of you but idk!! if you’ll see it or not. hopefully this bit is enough to let you know how much i appreciate every single one of you. thank you.

dear readers,

thank you for reading my works. it’s comforting to know that there are people out there who will check out something that i’ve slapped on together with every bit of my effort. to those of you who have consistently supported my works in silence- you know who you are. im just... keeping my distance because ya’ll are really just minding your own business while i get giddy about seeing you pop up in my notifications again. im hoping to get around and send a ty note to as many special readers n special ppl on this blog. but im a little shy, so i hope you’ll give me some time. seeing you in my notifications from time to time makes me happy; sometimes i do wonder if you’re still here and in good health. i hope you all are right now. thank you.

dear dani,

what a wonderful being you are. never regretting the first time i *shyly* asked if there was anyone that wanted to be friends here. i probably already talk about my love for you and vera so much but who’s gonna stop me? you’re such a cool person. i look up to you (literally). i think it’s amazing to get to know a person who has a lot of passion for history like me. but also- screams about 2d men with me. truthfully, this site is much more bearable having you as a moot. i feel very comfortable talking to you, about anything at all. lomve you, you’re the best.

dear mayya,

kindness personified. im sure you’ve made a plethora of people smile with every rb and comment you’ve given; including me. i think it’s very refreshing to see such genuine comments. you radiate this calm aura that im always seeking for. thank you, for providing me (and many other people) with that. a little embarrassing that you see my uhm, messy sideblog, but... it’s comforting i think. to know that someone is listening. i hope that you understand it goes the other way around too— that i’m here for you.

dear hrituja,

my partner of chaos. when did it start? i can’t remember. all i know is that every little thing you send me on instagram really makes my day. i’ll have bad days and all i need to do is look at the silly stuff you sent me and get a laugh out of it. i think it’s cool that we’ve been able to build this space where we can talk about anything (literally), poke fun of each other, and also ourselves. you’re cool. i genuinely like hearing you go off about ace. if i could meet a moot it’d probably be you unless you’re secretly a fraud and you’re actually just a 80 yr old man looking for a sugar babie. in that case im in.

dear oz,

you overly sweet bean. i genuinely watch you in awe from afar, just by how talented and hardworking you are. your art is amazing, and i always look forward to the design you make for your oc’s outfits. thank you for understanding me, and for being patient with me. i care about you a lot, so if there’s ever anything that’s occupying your mind and you need to let them out, i’m here to listen. ps. i really don’t know any other mutual who listens to *that* comfort stuff like i do so im really thankful to have someone to talk about them with. you can always share your interests with me too, especially with your dearest tendou.

dear tate,

im such in awe of you. just the fact that you devote a lot of your time into writing and setting up the theme for your blog astounds me. not to mention, your art skills as well. i am still very much in love with that bokuto piece you made with the hanging leaves. i hope you know that bokuto loves you just as much as you do to him. i know you’re writing up something special atm, so i’m really looking forward to it. thank you for all the time you’ve spared just to send me an ask. it truly does mean a lot to me. it feels like someone is listening, and i’m very appreciative of having you as my dear mutual. please know that i’m here to support you too, with the best of my abilities.

dear winx club,

[ @wissbby @kageruna @pinkbunnyplushie @astrooliver @lovingtobio @kenmaki @lfjr @lcsbianist ]

im such a clutz, but thank you for dealing with me. i was little nervous to start up such a discord server because im bad at staying in one. though, the warm environment that you all provide makes me feel much more at ease. i think it’s funny popping in to the server and seeing a few people spamming the chat with hugs, headpats and kisses. it’s sweet, too. being in a group discord can get overwhelming for some people, so i appreciate you all for having that patience. another thing- thank you for understanding each other’s boundaries. its hard to be aware all the time especially when you’re interacting with people you don’t know to at a very personal level. im glad that you all helped each other make the space comfy. i look forward to more chaotic and genuine talks with all of you in the future. maybe we’ll still be in touch with each other after a long while? who knows. but im going to cherish every single moment i get with you all.

dear @nishinoya-is-baby @keitsukki11 @sullen-angel24 @smolbludandelions @whootwhoot @cheatingthroughthislife @tadashi-simp @oikaw-ugh @lostsealscreams @sleepykarabou @atsunflower @lfjr @globe-fish @bewwybun @tetsoleil @sleepykarabou @justcafewriter @rin-suna @atsumusc0ck @waitforitillwritemywayout @dorkyhaikyu @yemilnisu @sunseteyes @kenmaki @kenanami,

goodness, i would write you all individual messages if time let me. but, i hope this is alright. i just wanted to thank you all for interacting with some dummy like me because that shit takes real patience </3 y’all are some really cool people and im really glad to have you as a moot. im ngl im pretty sure i’ve stopped by all your inboxes just to forget to actually send an ask :’( or maybe im too shy. one or the other. hopefully i can come around to all your ask boxes soon and fill it with my love because it’s what you all deserve. ya’ll are such amazing and talented people. for the love of god- you have all my love and care in the world. i hope that these past few weeks have been gentle with you, but if not, please let yourself rest from whatever it is that may be putting you down. here’s a gentle reminder that im always here to listen, and i wouldn’t judge you for whatever it is it may be. thank you for being so kind to me, and i hope to return that as well. take care.

@insanitywrites @derpeedoo @killuababie @lespaghetti @ordinary-ace

i haven’t told you this until now but, thank you for giving me company and comfort during a time that i was deeply struggling.

ps. if there’s any grammar or spelling mistakes no u did not see that <3

[ot7always]

Thank You + Love Letters

As the title suggests, my blog has hit another milestone! I was amazed this morning when I checked my follower count, as I absolutely did not expect to reach here this quickly!

As much as I would love to reopen requests in celebration, I am still working on requests from last time. They will open again some time in the future, rest assured!

I wanted to take this opportunity to thank each and every person who visits my blog and reads my fics, whether you read silently, reblog, leave amazing comments or reviews, or send in asks. I love and appreciate each and every one of you, and every time I read something from one of you, I can’t keep the smile from my face. 

I also wanted to take the time to thank my friends and mutuals who have made the writing journey all the more enjoyable. I would truly be having a fraction of the fun if you guys weren’t in my life. Whether we speak rarely or every day, I love talking to you about writing, music, life, or any other topic that comes up!

Love letters follow! Your name may be in multiple places!

My lovelies in the BSH discord: @wwilloww @dreamystuffers @ezralia-writes @thatlongspringnight @jingabitch @thatmultifandomhoe @jinpanman @ttttaehyungie @propinqxity @kpopfanfictrash @underthejoon @ladyartemesia @mygsii @kigurumu @triviasapphic @suga-kookiemonster @ggukcangetit @hobidreams @kinktae @gukyi @hesperantha @lorealchanelll @hauntedlilies @jamaiskook @koophoriia @iniquitouspoppy

💌 There are so many of you who come to mind, but I love and adore each and every one of you!! Whether we only talk in passing, see each other almost every day, offer advice, what have you - you’re all such a kind and positive light in my life and it’s always a bright spot in my day getting to speak to you guys. 

--

My game night bbys: @jamaiskook @kigurumu @ezralia-writes @dreamystuffers @underthejoon @mygsii @triviasapphic @thatlongspringnight

💌 That server has truly become one of my favourite places, because all of you are such fun and loving people. It’s always a blast whenever we can hop on voice chat together, whether we’re watching videos, playing games, or just talking about life. It’s always chaotic in there but it’s the best kind of chaos in existence.

--

My fellow HOD admins: @dee-ehn and @kkulmoon

💌 I know I’ve already told you guys this, but HOD was my first BTS server, and despite being scared of putting myself and my writing out there, this server was probably the best first impression I could have gotten. I know we’re all busy people and can’t all talk that often, but I love and appreciate you two so much!!

--

My beautiful HOD chatroom pals: @cest-la-tae @crystal0crow @joopiterjoon @wwilloww @dylanxmin 

💌 I don’t get the chance to hop into that chat anymore as much as I would like, but I love getting to chat with all of you when we’re online! You guys are some incredibly intelligent and talented people, and I love hearing what you guys have to say about literally anything!

--

The lovely ppl on the HFB server: @randomkoalablog @fairyqook @moonpjms @taeramisu @onherwings @softguks @nahfamily @purpletigertaetae @angelscry @kunhangs

💌 The HFB server was truly one of the first places where I really felt like I found a family. You’re all amazing people and I love talking about everything and nothing with you guys. I hope I can find the time to pop in more often than I am now, but even if I don’t come in the chat often, my love for you guys never decreases!!

 --

@wwilloww 

💌 Willow bby I could write you whole paragraphs about how much I love and appreciate you. I am so so grateful that we crossed paths and I really can’t believe that it was only a few months ago that we did. It feels like we’ve been friends forever, and I love getting to chat with you every day. I’ll always love and support you through anything you do, and I can’t wait to see what beautiful things you create in the future!!

--

@hobisbeautifulass​

💌 Bella you beautiful soul, I know we haven’t known each other all that long but you have a special place in my heart!! I know life hasn’t been treating you all that kindly recently, but I know you’ll be able to fight and pull through and be successful no matter what!!! Thank you for being so kind ever since the beginning bby!!

--

My other wonderful (and no less deserving of love) moots: @peekaboongi @lunar-jimin @daechwlta @luxekook @gingerpeachtae @inkedtae​ @ppersonna​ @joonsbean @vinterjeon @sushireads @yoongs-jeontae @blossoms-nursery @xotoosweet @xjoonchildx @se0kie​ @1kook​ 

💌 Whether we chat sometimes or not at all, I still wanted to thank you guys and tell you that I love and appreciate you!! I love seeing all of you on my dash, whether it’s with asks, fics, gifs, or anything else!

--

I’m very very very very x1000 sorry if I forgot anyone, I promise that I tried my very hardest to include everyone! 

Thank you to every single person who has shown me support on this blog in my time here. As a new writer, it makes me feel so relieved and overjoyed that there are so many people on this site who are kind and supportive. 

Thank you thank you thank you!! 

[by-kilian]

i just saw all the stuff going on where weirdos r reposting ur work?? um? do people not know boundaries 💀 its so weird to do that?? i swear ppl on tiktok that discovered ur writing must’ve never read good writing before cause the way they were acting was very obsessive/possessive. like they must’ve been used to type “y/n is a 2’9 small feisty bean with blonde hair and blue eyes and everyone is in love with her but she’s shy 🥺” writing.

another fic writer I follow on Twitter went into detail about how ao3 culture is going (currently changing) to change now cause of everything going on with wattpad and even the influence that tiktok has on things these days. people become obsessive with fic writers & their work, as well as artists that create fanart, it’s scary. like i remember, even with ur work, I was shy with leaving comments and was content with just leaving kudos & supporting quietly. people can be overwhelming now, with more negative results then positive.

im ranting again but i even wrote a discussion post for my college biology class about tiktok’s influence on the food industry & how it’s become a trend to try new foods from different cultures, but not for the purpose of enjoying a food from a different culture, but JUST to record their reactions for likes & views. i have a love/hate relationship w tiktok, it’s scary how influential it is.

It was def borderline odd although I was appreciative of it to an extent. I really wish things did not happen the way they did. It definitely was obsessive/possessive, particularly how they took it and started bothering other people with it and their stories when it had nothing to do with me/my story. I equated it to Stan twitter because that’s exactly what it felt like, just antagonizing people who weren’t me (when these people literally didn’t even know me). THAT bothered me the most, and I do believe it was because no one understood or respected boundaries, not mine or others.

Also, Idk who that writer is but I am right there with them. TT has made fics an…odd place now, not just with the AOT fandom but to my knowledge, several. AO3 has faced a litany of drama / important topics of discussion recently, and while I don’t know the extent of the issues—I do know it stems from some of the stuff going on with Wattpad/TT, and people moving their stuff to AO3 and going wild with it. I’m honestly not happy with it considering AO3 is and always has been open-source and volunteer run, and I would hate to see anything bad happen to it or the terms change. That’s the whole purpose of the website is to be open and for fandoms, and it’ll be ironic and devastating if fandoms are the thing that make it crumble because people cannot behave. 

And yeah, I’m super weary about all the parasocial relationships people are building with authors/artists. It’s one of the reasons I do not share a ton about myself or my face ever because apart from being private, I know from experience that this makes people think they know you better than they do and while not everyone’s intent is bad, it often crosses boundaries and people overstep that line of over familiarity sooner than later. Some authors cross that line too, but that’s a whole other thing. 

It is very scary how influential TT is, especially in this age of the pandemic. Not only are people bored but people want content, but you’re right—it’s really sad how people are doing things just for clicks/likes/views/clout. I hate it all because I’m old and crabby LMAO. (also side note, I would honestly love to read that paper! It sounds fascinating, I love stuff like that). 

And regarding you leaving comments, your comments literally make my day!!! ❤️Not that you have to leave them at all, but I really do appreciate the time you all take to read, kudos, like, reblog, or comment or reply (or if you say nothing at all, you’re still valid to me). It is all incredibly sweet, and I am so grateful for it all. I’m glad I’m finding many of you again, truly and honestly. TY for sending this in and I am so happy we get to talk here now too 😘😘😘😘 

[jtrbluv]

“F 2020!” - TXT

it’s 3:30am and i’m 2 lazy to make a header so here’s yoongi, i promise i have nicer handwriting

wow, i literally have no idea where to start. it’s almost my three year anniversary of being on this hellsite, but i think i can definitely say that 2020 has probably been one of my favorite years by far, and i am really grateful for it. i think 2020 was a year i was able to improve a lot in my writing despite not producing and releasing a lot of content. quarantine finally allowed me to actually sit down and focus on writing more than i ever have before, and shit, it felt good! it finally felt like i was able to write for myself and not just to please others, and it felt so rewarding rawr (•̀ᴗ•́)و

to all my followers, thank you all so so much. each and every single one of you are a huge reason as to why i’m still here and continue to write. all the likes, reblogs, comments, asks, and more mean the absolute world to me and other writers as well. i think as content creators we can all say that we all go back and scroll through all your messages. thank you for continuing to support me and hopefully i can manage to gift more fics to you this year! luv u all so much <33

to all my mutuals, whether we’ve talked once, twice, never, or a lot, thank you so much for letting me into your world! i really appreciate and luv each and every one of you and always enjoy seeing you all around my dash, we love 2 see it!! i wish you all the best and pls never hesitate to talk to me, i’ll always be here through but especially to support you and hype you all up!! >:) <33

i was going to tag people, but i don’t wanna risk missing anyone T-T. hopefully, you all know who you are :)) just know i luv u fr

lastly, here are some sappy ass luv letters to some of you in particular, sry in advance 🥶🥶

@koushiningg - yeah, of course your ass is going first. hey jae bae, bestie 4L, partner-in-crime, the one person who’s read every, and i mean EVERY single one of my fics. it irks me how much you’re always able to write out your feelings towards the people you care about, bc i SUCK at it! so yes, thank you so much for just being you, i’ll write u a sappy long letter for ur grad email but for now, thank u so much for putting up with my dumbass, listening to me ramble abt the ideas i get at the asscrack of dawn, reading my fics, supporting me in everything that i do. i love u sm fr. here is to the year that we’ve been waiting for, 2021. let’s make it our year.

@taehyungieskith - mika bae........ to think that you were still a local this year is so silly to think abt, i still remember us in the 400s and me giving u song recs in the band room GAHAHDHAJ. i love the little book club type shit we be doing, i always love ur recs duh wtf. thank u twin for always hyping up my stuff and thank god u arent on wattpad anymore mhm love u twin jumi #2 fr

@viopera - VIO!!! we’ve met recently but it feels like i’ve known u for awhile now. literally i’m so happy cuz i remember telling u to write fics and u were straight up like “no.” and now here we are RAWR! u should know this by now and u probably do but i will always be ur #1 supporter and eternal beta-reader. i hope you’re feeling better and ily my fav corpse stan and bad bitch!!!!

@bangtans-peaceful-piegon - AHH PIDGE!!! if i can remember correctly, you were one of the first people i actually talked to on the fic hub server and wow you are just the cutest and literal sweetest thing. we clicked so easily and the vibes u give off are just absolutely impeccable. i love u and i’m always here for u !!! <33

@sugacouture - AYO MEI!!! istg we literally just started talking frfr like a couple days ago but it’s like i’ve known u for years, like wtf. we literally have the same humor and vibes and it’s been rly swag talking to u. i am also more than happy to be ur eternal beta-reader and header helper if that wasn’t already clear duh <3 yeah you are so cute and you write so well that it’s unfair. mhm. unfair. *inserts that one taekook photo* love u, i’ll kidnap u and we’ll get boba and pho <3

@dreamystuffers - RACH!!!!!! rach you truly mesmerize me bc you are so freaking multi-talented, it leaves me in awe. i’m so happy you’ve continued to do what you do luv!! i will always be here and supporting u thru whatever u do!!! luv u sm!! <33

@tatastaetae - marria bby! hi!! ik we don’t talk that much but when we do you’re always such a joy to talk to! the range in ur fics is insane and i always love 2 see it! love u sm and i’m always here for u luv (i swear i’ll be more active on servers wjdjsjjds)

@pjmsdior - bella!!! we haven’t talked for that long either but i always love meeting fil moots!!! you are the sweetest thing and just know that i’ll always be here for u if u need anyone to talk to!!! if i was rich, i’d buy us both new phones in a heartbeat bc our phone literally hate us and for WHAT. kk luv u bella mwah <3

@suhdays - MO! oh my i rly do mean it when i say that u have got to be one of the sweetest and most genuine ppl i’ve met so far this year on this hellsite. ty for making me feel so welcome on the discord servers and networks despite me not being super active on there. when i do get money, i do wish to buy from your etsy shop T-T ,, you are literally the best and deserve the world mo, love u !

@jinpanman - mai! hiii!!! i know we don’t talk much but i’d just like to thank u for the sheer kindness and sweetness you’ve always treated me with! on the occasions that we do talk, you are such a sweetheart omg. ur fics are absolutely to die for and ilysm bby <3

@softguks - AHHDHJE LAUR! when i save u best 4 last <3. we’ve honestly barely interacted at all but you are the most sweetest thing ever, you make my heart full!!! i hope we’re able to interact more in the future and that u come back soon!

- ur local laur luvbot

my secret admirer, hi! i’m not sure if you’ll see this or not since i obviously can’t tag u, but i rly do appreciate u and all the messages u send 🥺🥺 sometimes i go back to them and read them over bc they’re actually so sweet and this is my first actual anon interaction rawr ;w; like always, i wish u nothing but the best and pls take care ☀️ anon!!! <3

sending luv and good vibes to all of u for the new year, always <3

— love, jumi (⊃｡•́‿•̀｡)⊃

[per1shed]

um,about your post about not getting much interaction here. I feel the same loneliness,literally no one gives a fuck,even people I have dm'd or on whose posts I have commented. I must be doing something wrong.

But for your posts,I just don't know how to interact. If you're describing a painful personal experience,then I can't just drop a like and go. And they're too personal to be reblogged.

Because of the nature of your blog,probably many followers are people who are in pain or who have trauma too,and that doesn't leave them well equipped to comfort others also. I see your posts,I think 'oh no',or 'please hold on' but because you are in pain,and I'm just a ghost,I'm just afraid to interact. Trauma bonding never worked well for me before,so now I will avoid anything that might go that way. And I'm generally shit at even the most neutral topics of conversation.

Your blog aesthetic is impeccable tho,so many might be drawn to that and get comfort from the things you post. It's not useless. I truly hope things look up for you soon.

Sorry,you don't have to publish this,I just wanted to give some feedback because personally I'd die for feedback but no one is giving me any. Sorry my sentences are like this,I can't write or think well these days. That's why I followed. I don't have the ability to express in words or even images what is happening to me anymore. But you are very honest about how dark things get sometimes and pick the exact right things to reblog,so it's like someone is giving me my language and my feelings back,when looking at your blog.

hey my dear anon <3 first of all, i read this message a few hours ago already and it made me cry for some reason. i’m really grateful you told me why it’s hard for you/could be hard for someone to interact with me bc tbh i haven’t thought about it from that point of view AT ALL and it makes sense! idk but i’m glad you told me. i can honestly tell you that even if i posted the most traumatic thing ever (i wouldn’t do that) i would still love for some ppl esp my moots to like my post! bc i know that it’s not oh i like what you’re saying but more like “i see you!” for me it’s like, do i even exist if no one notices? on the other hand, i have an extremely hard time interacting with ppl in the chat for example bc it puts me under so much pressure i just can’t cope, that’s why i love getting anonymous messages about ppls days, what they’re thinking of, how they’re doing. bc there’s a distance but i still feel like someone actually wants to talk to me (without the responsibility of texting back and forth, idk if that sounds really shitty :/). no one on here is obligated to comfort me and i’m on your side with the trauma bonding, i stay away from it as far as possible! i just like to see that ppl on here exist WITH me if that makes sense and if no one really interacts with me in the way i’m comfortable with, i feel alone. but that’s also on me, i shouldn’t be dependent on it and i need to work on that. really, you helped me a lot with this message and i appreciate the last part so much as well. if u ever want to u/feel comfortable with it u can like my posts or send me anonymous messages if u need to vent. i’m more than happy to answer these <3 ily

[butt-lore]

Oh yes hello I’m alive! Want another fic? Of course u do! I had the MOST fun writing this cuz Sehyoon is one of my fave ppl for his facial expressions alone!

That one birthday fic I put off

Summary: you and Sehyoon had been dating awhile now, have had many shared shenanigans together. And when a fan asks about how Sehyoon is when he’s drunk, you’re more than happy to share...

Words: 1480

Warnings: it’s grossly fluffy? Alcohol usage, cursing I think

Not my pic but how I see him when he’s defeated.

“Happy birthday!” Sehyoon blinks aimlessly, a party hat strapped to his head upon entry, a placid smile on everyone’s face but his. They cheered and popped poppers around him in merriment, chuckling at his flat annoyance. Usually one to keep to himself on special days, or share his day with a very few, a group of thirty is a little much. If he was enjoying this, he wasn’t showing it, a full range of emotions but joy passing through dulling brown eyes. You move a bit closer, waving a timid hand pass his face. “Yoonie?”

“Thanks… I love it.” Even and full of disappointment, his husky voice pushed through clenched teeth. While his lips picked up, the rising star’s thousand mile gaze stayed put. Your own mouth threatening to break open in laughter, holding his stare, enveloping the both of you in a world much more familiar: a world you two have been sharing happily alone for two years. He said thanks, and he meant it, but here, where there is only you, he asks what the fuck?

You insisted, a party for Sehyoon would be amazing to celebrate debuting and his birthday, he deserves it. It was much easier than spending the day bouncing around from place to place visiting. A long, tedious tradition you hoped to avoid this year and hopefully many more. Please, try to have fun, your smile said, and you meant that. You knew, the hardest part of living in your head was interacting with others. Sehyoon was improving, but, you see now perhaps this was not thought all the way out. Shit. I’m very sorry.

Yes. Acknowledged. Then he was whilst away in a whirlwind of the many pieces of memory he’ll have of his twenty-fourth birthday. Drink after drink all but poured down his throat. Kim Sehyoon wasn’t good at drinking. And what you witnessed this night would live in infamy in your heart, and it all started with a single beer.

-

“To be fair it was a beer and soju.” Toned arms cross over a fitted black sweater, Sehyoon’s lips dipping to a frown.

“Yes honey we know.” You responded patting his thigh affectionately. “I thought I said that?” You look up claiming innocence, humming softly.

“Mm.” Peach gloss disappears as a line presses his cheeks up when you look back after a long moment of silence. His eyes pinned you down, shining in bewilderment. You weren’t sure what to call this face but it was very effective, you bursted into laughter and he soon followed. You both calm down to chuckling, Sehyoon fidgeting with imaginary dust on the desk the phone sat upon. He clears his throat twice before speaking. “After a soju and beer.”

“Right, after a soju and beer-“

-

Everyone had scattered to corners of the house, breaking off to smaller conversations, Sehyoon passed around in a ten min rotation. You watched, concerned for his social battery and well being, but after a drink poured for him by Chan, Sehyoon didn’t seem to have trouble keeping up. He wasn’t very talkative, but when spoken to, Sehyoon kept pace, even if he was slurring words. He spoke of a multitude of things he likes with passion a total of six times, something he does mostly when he feels like it: even then that’s when Sehyoon felt he could trust them. His forty-six minute rant about avocados was new to you, however, and by the end of it, you’re not sure if he’s for or against them, or why and how they were brought up. It was the way everyone zeroed on him, transfixed it seemed, holding onto the words spilling from him.

-

“I don’t care one way or another about avocados.” Sehyoon throws his hands up, licking his lips in the same motion he swoops black bangs between long fingers. “Hope that answers your question.”

“He’ll eat em.”

“Just don’t have an opinion on them.”

-

As the night neared its end, many participants heading home, meaning you, too, would have to leave at some point. As it dwindled to just you, the crew, and group members, Sehyoon truly came alive.

“I have a confession.” He almost said, the syllables dragged out longer than necessary. “But none of you can tell anyone.” Jun is first to lean in, trying to make sense of the gibberish he’s attempting at. Sehyoon sits bolt right, speech clearer. “I have a girlfriend.”

“Oh?” Chan just about shouts, jumping onto the cushion next to Sehyoon, bright eyes promising mischief.

“Mmm. Yes. She’s very pr-pretty. And very interesting.” Sehyoon carried on, you watch helplessly as he exposes you both so randomly. Sehyoon has a lot of secrets he can confess, you knew it, and he had been good for about two years. No one but your families knew up till now, not even the other members, you both were content with that for now, so if things don’t work out there's no questions, no scandal, a clean break if need be. And here he was, drunkenly ranting about you thighs. At least he hasn’t called you by name, it would be the strawberries on top of his birthday cake, you might start laughing. In fact, this whole situation was so funny to you. Seeing him so completely relaxed and friendly, not to mention by this time Byeongkwan had claimed Sehyoon’s lap for this important announcement. You watch Jun stretch himself across both Donghun and Chan, hundled close to their storyteller.

“What’s she like,” Jun laments, leaning his silver head into Donghun.”Tell us.” He’s equally if not more drunk, only adding to your enjoyment of the scene. You are grateful no one has kicked you out yet, but who would with the way you are holding your mouth covering a series of snorts. You meant no harm, posed no threat, well, not one to anyone but your own stomach, which was starting to ache.

“Y/n?” You zone back in, shaking your giggles free to prepare for you doom. It’s Jun again. “Do you know Yoonie’s girlfriend?” His smile mirrors that of his friends; drunk.

Chan and Donghun are snickering, you can understand why, you were just seconds from bursting into a cackle.

It's what Byeonkwan says that stops your fun time, “Is this the same girlfriend or a different one?” His comment is innocent, genuine curiosity in his soft tone.

“We’ve been together for three years, keep up, Kwannie.” The two drunken men descend into chaos, dragging the one on Sehyoon’s lap in by proxy.

“You told us…” Donghun answers, “Twice, dear.”

“Oh.” Sehyoon looks dissatisfied, with what, you can’t place. His black straight eyebrows knitting together in concentration. “Did I tell you who?” Well isn’t that just about the dumbest thing your boyfriend has ever said.

“Yes, Y/n is literally right there.” You’re not sure who had more patience, A saint or Donghun.

“Oh right. Y/n did I tell you?”

-

“You know that look you get when your brain just shuts down and you feel so defeated you can't do anything but just sigh and think about what life events got you to the current situation you’re in?” Sehyoon pushes his office chair back, a sharp bark from his chest as he doubles over. “I felt like Satan had won that day.” You keep your tone plain, sipping from your coffee mug. Sehyoon is still howling behind you. You just blink ahead, he’ll tire himself out.

His laughter continues to echo as you carry on the tale of a Drunk Sehyoon.

-

“No, you haven’t.” You smile brightly. “Who?”

Sehyoon doesn’t have an answer for you, not a good one for that matter. “I don’t remember her name.”

You knew this wasn’t right, to tease a drunk person, but he already confessed twice before, a harmless prank wouldn’t hurt. “Is she made up?” You tilt your head gently, listening to the mixture of his ranting and the others staggered amusement. “Well why don’t you call her here then?” You shoot when he tells you you suck for not believing him.

“I will.”

-

“I will never live it down ever. They won’t let me. The crew, the group, Y/n. And now you all.” Sehyoon’s soul slips from his eyes again, shoulders sagging. “And that’s the most embarrassing thing I’ve ever done.”

“It was a good birthday though.” You hummed, remembering how he refused to let you go home after that phone call, it ended with you holding him close against your chest. Drunk Sehyoon was just as cuddly as sober Sehyoon.

“From what I hear I had a good time.” Sehyoon swipes at the back of his head sheepishly. “I’m glad this year we decided against that, though.”

“Wouldn’t want to confess to your girlfriend that you have a girlfriend again right?”

“Well that’s a good place to end it, thank you for joining us today-”

“You’re confusion when my phone rang was just the cutest.”

“Thank you, bye bye.”

[tayegi]

Hey lu! I just read equilibrium's new update and its so good! I have been waiting to see the drama unfold once OC realises that Jungkook likes her. This has got to be one of my favourite writings from you! The storyline is so fucked up and sad yet i could totally see this happening in real life. Take your time to write the next part and i'll like you to know that you have found yourself a loyal fan here! Have a great day!

Ah im glad that you liked the update! And as strange as it is, theres a bit of realism, huh? bc real life relationships are never perfect. and this is such a level of fucked up that it could srsly happen in our fucked up world haha. Thank you so much and i hope you have a great day as well!

Anonymous said:If I were OC in equilibrium I definitely wouldn't have continued or even gotten into the relationship to begin with. Idk maybe I'm too prideful but if anything I would be MORE upset over being in love with someone who obviously cares more about someone else WHILE in a relationship with both. Like I'd have to witness the extent to which the person I love values someone else more than me, be constantly reminded that even if I'm with him and he cares about me to a degree, I will always be 2nd best.

wait really? This is so interesting to hear! I mean, i completely understand your perspective, but i feel like it would be hard for me to resist... Like imagine if it was IRL Jimin and he wanted to share you with an outside party. Could you really resist that? I am an weak bitch and id prob crumble in seconds D: 

Anonymous said:I really don't understand why all of these anons are so upset with the Mc and not the boys as well? The three of them are clearly using each other, it's not just her using Jk. Anyways, I love your stories and this one is fabulous as well, and those stupid anons need to chill out. You're fantastic and have every right to put them in their place! I look forward to the next chapter!

exactly! The internalized misogyny on this site is fucking ridiculous. But all of your kind comments make me realize that these idiots are the minority so im super grateful

Anonymous said:Equilibrium is so compelling. It's essentially a story like a chair with three legs- if one breaks, the whole structures collapses. Each person is only willing on keeping eachother around for their own gain. If anyone should be blamed for this, it should be Jungkook for simply suggesting the polygamous relationship knowing full well what it could mean for him specifically. Even more so, he's the only person "playing the field" taking advantage of Jimin's affection and OC's desperation - C Anon

Anonymous said:Continuing on my last ask. I also can't help but to notice that both Jimin or OC are particularly biased. They probably didn't intend to act that way but they do. But they also respect the "third wheel" of their ideal relationship respectively. Jungkook didn't do that. He intentionally tends to Jimin's needs knowing that's what he wants for no other reason than to keep OC away from Jimin. Cunning John Junglecock... someone is going to get hurt with this relationship built on lies - C Anon

Yes exactly! Theyre all pretty messed up, but Jungkook seems to be the most conniving of them all. I love the way you’ve thought this through and your interpretation is so spot on! Thanks so much for reading so carefully ^^

Anonymous said:Now that ive read chapter 10....how the FUCK are ppl mad at oc for this mess? Oc is dense for not picking up on jimin being willing to sell her for a corn chip in comparison to kookie, but the boys are by far the worst. They should've broken up after a week, with everything as toxic is it is. Both have ulterior motives when they say yes to the relationship. Everybody is in competition. And there is like, ZERO communication between them until kookie confessed in this chapter. It's a hot mess.

i know right??? seriously asdfjlksdfjk. tho i wouldnt go as far as saying that jimin is worse than the OC. theyre pretty damn equivalent. But no one’s innocent here haha. It’s just a truly screwed up situation D: 

Anonymous said:You are queen and I love you. I literally don't give a flying fuck what anyone else says about OC being a 'whatever-the-fuck-they-said' cause mygOD ARE YOU A FABULOUS WRITER. Fuck me Equilibrium is amazing. I'm slightly tipsy rn, but I know good literature when I read it, and I am leaving it open to reread it tomorrow when I am sober, but even I can see that the characters are all equally using each other, and each of them are to blame for this shit-storm of a relationship. Perhaps JK even more?

ahahahaha this is amazing! I’m so glad that you are tipsy! TAKE AN EXTRA SHOT FOR ME!

and i know right? I feel like Jimin and the OC have been played. Theyre innocent idiots. But then again, it’s not like they were forced into doing anything. it was their own free will :/ 

Anonymous said:Gahh ch10 was so intense! I agree with others that all three are wrong to manipulate each other but idk i found myself feeling kinda sorry for Jimin by the end of 10? The way I've interpreted it so far is that he probably felt the most inclined to just go with it and agree to the poly relationship, or at least that's how I read it, and yeah fine maybe he hasn't treated yn quite as 'nicely' but like he hasn't condemned her for also being affiliated with jungkook, but then again he's using this(1)

Anonymous said:(2) relationship to be with jungkook but yeah sorry I'm repeating myself but I really get the sense that he's just been kinda going along with it rather than outright manipulating them both, and yeah his resolve has been kinda breaking over the last few chapters but the flashbacks suggest that Jimin is at heart caring and just lovesick with jungkook whereas the oc and jungkook seem to have an unhealthy obsession w jimin and y/n respectively. Sorry I'm rambling but yeah thx for the amazing fic!

yeah i can see it that way! I feel like jimin has a better sense of morality and guilt than the other two. They are unhealthily obsessed, but jimin genuinely cares about them both, so it’s a bit sad. :/ But you can also see it from another dimension-- Jimin knew the OC liked him, Jungkook knew Jimin liked him and they both are playing their respective parties to get to what they want. However, the OC did not know that Jungkook liked him until the latest chapter, so she was pretty much innocent until now. so yeah. it’s debatable who’s the most innocent, but it sure as hell isnt jjk lol 

Anonymous said:Equilibrium is amazing for me because the longer you think about it the worse the characters get likeJimin at first seems like the purest one but then you realize he knew the OC was always being bullied and used and she depended on him because he was her first friend and he still made the decision to use her once again.Also I feel like part of her feelings for him have something to do with her feelings she came from an environment where she was never treated well and then suddenly here he was.

YES EXACTLY! It’s so hard to tell. bc jimin does genuinely care about the OC, but at the same time, the OC wasn’t manipulating anyone or stringing along anymore until the latest chapter where she finally broke and turned into one of them. So yeah... it’s the lucifer effect, man. The situation will change you 

[news-mashable-yahoopartner-blog]

YouTuber Lilly Singh is taking a break to focus on her mental health

YouTube star Lilly Singh has announced to fans that she's taking a break, specifically to focus on her mental health.

After eight years of posting content to her 14 million subscribers, the Canadian creator and author known as IISuperwomanII revealed her intention to take an indefinite hiatus in a video posted Tuesday. 

"This is not clickbait. I'm not trying to get on the trending page. I'm not trying to make a dramatic thumbnail to get views," she began, addressing her fans collectively known as #TeamSuper. "The title is not a lie. I am planning to take a break from YouTube."

SEE ALSO: Lilly Singh, Jessica Coen, Jayathma Wickramanayake talk about the power of youth

"Why do I want to take a break? There's many reasons. First and foremost: my mental health," she said. "I am mentally, physically, emotionally, and spiritually exhausted. I have been doing YouTube consistently for eight years.

"I want to be honest with you, I could be happier. I'm not my optimal happiness right now, I could be mentally healthier. I don't feel like I'm completely mentally healthy. There's a lot going on up here that I need to address and I'm not able to constantly pumping out content."

Singh emphasised that the hiatus "is in no way a reflection of how I feel about the platform of YouTube and of #TeamSuper. I love YouTube. I love #TeamSuper. It is not about you, this is to do with me." 

That being said, she said another reason was that she wasn't pleased with the workload, explaining that being on YouTube "demands constant content."

"You know, the thing about YouTube is that, in all of its glory, it kind of is a machine and it makes creators believe that we have to pump out content consistently, even at the cost of our life and our mental health and our happiness, because if you don't you'll become irrelevant," she said. 

"But I've always said that happiness is the most important thing you will ever fight for. Relevance is not."

At the end of the day, Singh said she simply wants to take care of herself, work on her other projects, particularly in the social good space including the #GirlLove movement and being a UNICEF Goodwill Ambassador, and "get some of [her] creative energy back" — something we could all do a little more of, to be honest. 

And she's not leaving the platform, guys, Singh's just hitting pause on main channel videos and vlogs, and will see how she feels about her other content.

"YouTube has changed. People have found a way to make it work for them. I am not one of those people," she said.

Lilly Singh chats to Mashable's editor-in-chief Jessica Coen and Jayathma Wickramanayake at Mashable's 2018 Social Good Summit today in New York City.

Image: Luiz Rampelotto/NurPhoto via Getty Images

Singh acknowledged the risk in jumping off the platform, and said she's determined to thwart these fears. "A lot of creators don't do this, and I'm assuming it's because there's a fear that your audience will abandon you and that people forget all about you and that you won't be able to get back once you return. I'm looking all those fears right in the eye," she said in the video.

Well, Singh's courage is already paying off, as she has some pretty kickass fans, who all rallied around the star following her announcement. Fan after fan posted messages of support on Twitter and in the video's comments:

It was high time you did this💙I’m so proud of you for taking this step. Can’t wait to see a more motivated bawse soon 🥰Lots of love, my love

— Suri ✨ (@TeamSuperMumbai) November 13, 2018

You're so committed to making us happy and laugh but im glad you realized its your turn now. Thank you for putting you & your mental health above anything. Eat proper, drink water (pls), cuddle scarbro & rest well. We cant wait for the stronger and happier you ❤ @IISuperwomanII

— Kalyani (@TeamSuperAU_) November 13, 2018

We were all so caught up with our lives and so many of us have been going through IT, that we missed #8YearsofSuperwoman. But that doesn't take away from how much we love you @IISuperwomanII . After 8 freaking years, I'm happy you're taking this well deserved break ❤

— Becky LOVES Lilly 💓 (@ii_becky_ii) November 13, 2018

Your happiness comes first. It's a decision you made and it's a good one bc we truly just want you to be your happiest self. YouTube did change, a lot. We definitely see that. So we understand the fact that you, a creator, want to take a step back We'll be waiting for you. ❤

— faïza (@teamsuperworld) November 13, 2018

I don’t understand why some ppl get mad or upset when creators take breaks. @IISuperwomanII dw take as long as you want to figure yourself out and come back even stronger💗 #teamsuper will forever wait for you

— Prerna 💞s Lilly (@teamsuperr_416) November 13, 2018

We all need a break sometimes. Good to hear you're putting your health first and I wish you all the best 👊🏾

— Safwan AhmedMia (@SuperSaf) November 13, 2018

MESSAGE TO ALL UNICORNS: If you need some Lilly-motivation just rewatch the older vlogs and videos, they're guaranteed to make you feel better. It's a whole other experience and very fulfilling ❤

— Lilleen (@TeamSuperTO_) November 13, 2018

The outpouring of support did not go unnoticed by Singh either, as the YouTube star posted her heartfelt thanks on Twitter.

Thank you so much for the kind words. I'm excited to work on myself and am grateful for your support. I love you.

— Lilly Singh (@IISuperwomanII) November 13, 2018

WATCH: Lilly Singh, Jessica Coen, Jayathma Wickramanayake talk about the power of youth

[mintyicee]

Warning: skip this post if want

It’s a rant...and i absolutely hate you tumblr app bc i had to redue this twice now! >:(

Anyway, I’m used to being ignored. Everyone around me since i was little to being a young adult now has left me to own thoughts and corner in my home since forever. Though i am partially to blame being an introvert and an absolutely horrible friend in keeping contact with friends online, I mostly do so if i feel no one wants to hear, see, speak, or look at me. I will personally disappear and hide myself bc i feel it will make others happy if i wasnt around. As if i didn’t exist. True, not everyone in your life will be around forever and true, being oneself is your greatest friend. But, as shy or quiet as i am, I love being around other ppl. I dont want to be around ppl 24/7 but i do want to connect with ppl i feel can appreciate me at my fullest and without feeling like im weird or the odd ball that doesnt belong.

With that being said, I may be USED to it but i ABSOLUTELY HATE IT. As any human being would of coarse and a lot of ppl have it worse dont get me wrong. Making this rant already makes me feel selfish and in need of pity which isnt why im writing this. Simply put i want to push this anger out of me and get it out of my system bc i feel i cant move forward until i do so. And when it comes to my problems i suck at communicating it to others bc i feel they have much more important things to be doing then to babysit someone who is feeling down (but id drop everything to listen to others sadness bc i care way too much). 

I hate feeling like i did back when i lived in my hometown. Very lonely and sad. Constantly crying. I wouldn’t do anything all summer but cry in my room bc of how alone i felt. And i gave a very important part of me away just to make sure i had at least one person hanging around. I regret it very much but my efforts to hang out with the friends i saw at school outside of school would be very close to zero. Everyone is either busy or just low key didnt want to hang out with me. Tho i was lucky to have at least one friend I would see more in certain grades, it wasnt constant. And once all the drama with my nuclear family subsided, i was much more alone in the house than before middle school. 

I didnt have a cellphone or home phone, no internet either till i moved and started high school. The things that kept me going usually was my writing, music, and cartoons. Seriously being serious here. The way Id touch base with any of my school friends was to walk to their house and be lucky if they had time or were home. When i moved i had so much hope that Id find ppl to share and spend time with. Not only that but i was in the real world and no longer stuck in a house like a prisoner or place for that matter. But like stupid ppl or racists, the same ppl pop up everywhere as well as the loneliness i was hoping to leave behind. Only it came in a new form: even when im around others. I am/was happier here tho. No longer confined in my hometown house. But recently it feels like i am. This summer has been my loneliest since the move and the feeling like no one cares about me at all have all come back at my lowest and most crucial decision making time of my life. Not being in school this semester/school year is hitting me hard and no job call backs for a whole month now either. 

Partially my fault tho. The new friend crew ive been spending time with have been ignoring anything i said in the group chat. Id be skipped over and lately it feels as if im just upsetting certain ppl and end up talking about me behind my back. Really nothing new but I’ve just had enough of it. Like always I distanced myself and stopped talking all together. I’ve been more political upset in recent days due to certain issues on twitter but I’ve only been talking to my boyfriend and my mother. In hindsight tho, they really are my best friends. They are here for me at my highest and lowest no matter how many times i cry or how suddenly i get upset or frustrated. They are the ones to accept me for who i am. No one else has done this to the extent as they have and really thats all i need. Even if i dont get any other long term friends i dont care bc i know they will be by my side till the end. 

But I also want to say that if you didnt want to be my friend in the first place or you wanted me to initiate the conversation first then u should at least comment back at what im saying. If i said something dumb or something that didnt add to the convo then tell me dont just ignore me like im stupid. I refuse to be your “friend” that you only want around to be made fun of. I’ve been through a lot and yes ik u have your share of problems but if your going to only look at yourself and care about yourself then i dont need you. Im good without having that in my life. Ive had my fill of people who act like that to me. And im also tired of people who dont care about others and present issues. I CRY ABOUT PPL I DONT KNOW THAT ARE ON THE NEWS WHETHER NAMED OR NOT. HELL I CRY EVEN IF THEY ARENT ON THE NEWS! There are soooo many ppl who have it way worse than myself who suffer daily and im sick of hearing ppl dont care about the ppl and situations around them! I wont sit here making an excuse as to why i cant help its the same old issues no money (no job as mentioned above) hell even no car but that doesnt matter. I still pray! I pray for safety of others and i pray that ppl will be alright and i pray that things will get better! And also mentioned earlier, ive been reposting about current issues on twitter! This is small but i want to try!

So please if you had no intentions of sticking around me at any of my current moods, dont appreciate the person i am, or relatively dont give a fuck then dont involve yourself in my life. Yes it hurts to be alone but Id rather have that and be alone then FEEL ALONE WITH PPL IVE COME TO CARE FOR! Also, if I have helped you through thick n thin and you think u can pop into my life whenever you feel like it only to stop talking to me or purposely upset me and even threaten me? GTFO of my life and dont come back! Ever (yes this is about a certain friend who moved away and i helped not commit suicide that im holding a grudge at)!  And if you honestly are going to get upset at the actions ive done and say you do good things when you have zero sign of love for others in your hearts, live in a bubble of your own world, and follow the bible “word for word” get out of my face too bc i dont need ppl who say they are here to help others only to shun me if i dont constantly keep verses in my head or do things the way you want them to be and to have me fight my own demons while going against your beliefs and saying that im not doing what im supposed to (yes this is about church)! I DO THINGS AND CARE WAY MORE THAN YOU DO TRUST ME AND THIS IS THE ONLY TIME IM EVER GOING TO SELFISHLY SAY SO BC ITS BETTER TO BE HUMBLE AND NOT ARROGANT. I TRY SO HARD NOT TO JUDGE YOU YET YOU GET TO JUDGE ME? NO I DONT THINK SO YOU SHOULD START AT LEVEL ONE AGAIN AND LEAVE ME THE HELL ALONE! (still about church not friends here). Also dont worry about the level one thing; you would know what this means if you went to the same church. 

I’ve been couping with the idea that all i need is two friends. I’m so grateful and blessed to have them in my life and if im truly meant to have more than it will be so. I know two others of whom i need to apologize for hardly emailing or sending a message to. I feel so bad i have neglected them only bc ive been feeling so down about this and other issues (like before: school, no job/car, possibly changing career and life goals, etc) but really is no excuse. Welp I’ve said all i wanted to say for the moment. There is another topic i wish to vent about but it will have to be for another day bc i have no energy to complain about that topic. If anyone read all this im sorry i took time out of your day and that I hope you are doing well. I hope you continue to live your life to the fullest and to celebrate the good things not the bad that comes along. I just really needed to vent these emotions so i can finally concentrate on what i need to do. Thank you for listening <3