#i’ve always wanted to know how a lightsaber works {re: luke skywalker}

[hopetwin]

New Tag Drop pt. 2

Something To Fight For {Finn}

Bravery Is A Well Worn Coat // And It Suits Him Well {Re: Finn}

I’ve Always Wanted To Know How A Lightsaber Works {Re: Luke Skywalker}

His Commitment Is Absolute {Poe Dameron}

We Are Warriors // Following In Our Parents Footsteps Until The Battle Is Done {Re: Poe Dameron}

Do Not Go Gentle Into That Good Night // Rage Rage Against The Dying Light {Resistance}

You Do Not Come From Nothing // You Are Made Of Stars and Galaxies {Rey}

They Do Not Need Knights // Just The Swords {Re: Rey}

You’re Ready // Born Ready {Modern Verse}

{Interactions}

[jadelotusflower]

It’s Cold in that Fridge: The Case of Nakari Kelen

Since The Case of Mara Jade has been doing the rounds again, I’ve finally gone back to this post that has been sitting in my drafts for literally years. So let’s honour this absolute badass who deserved better:

Once upon a time, the Star Wars universe was but six films (and a tv series) in the story of the Skywalker family. But beyond George Lucas’ story was an absolute boatload of books, comics, games, and other materials that made up the Expanded Universe. When Disney purchased Lucasfilm and the rights to the Star Wars saga, everything in this universe was decanonised and deemed “Legends” - some aspects of this universe were retained or re-purposed, others sit in Disney’s figurative vault and will likely never see the light of day (and seeing how the ST turned out, maybe that’s for the best).

But this transition between Legends canon and Disney canon was not so simple, because the nature of publishing meant that there were novels approved during the time of Legends canon that would be released in the time of Disney canon. In particular, there had been the planned trilogy “Empire and Rebellion”, set between A New Hope and The Empire Strikes Back, with each novel from the perspective of one of The Big Three.  

Razor’s Edge (Leia) and Honor Among Thieves (Han) were released prior to the Great Canon Split of 2014.  But while the Luke-centric novel had been planned, it was not due to be released until well after the Split. So Heir to the Jedi (so called as an homage to the Legends progenitor Heir to the Empire) became one of the first books of the Disney canon.

What does this background have to do with Nakari Kelen?  Perhaps nothing, but I do wonder how the writing process was affected by the shift from Legends to Disney - was the novel a relic of the old EU with any reference the LFL storygroup didn’t like excised during editing, or was it a trendsetter for the new EU, a Sign of Things to Come?  

The most salient point being, of course, that Nakari Kelen - like so many love interests before her - was not allowed to go along her merry way at the conclusion of the novel, but was shoved into the fridge.

If there was one constant of the Legends EU, it was that Luke Skywalker’s love interests couldn’t catch a break. Mara Jade naturally lasted the longest relationship-wise, with almost twenty years of marriage to Luke before some bright spark decided she had to go (as per the aforementioned case study). But before Mara there was Jem, Shira Brie, and Gaeriel Captison (who came close to escaping the curse), and in the Legacy of the Force series they brought back sole survivors Akanah and Callista, only to kill them off for good too (and rather brutally, if I may add).

So perhaps when Kevin Hearne began writing HttJ within the confines of the Legends continuity, he was merely sticking to the status quo, or perhaps once subsumed by Disney they needed to make sure Luke's slate was clean (so to speak).  And I can’t put all the blame on Hearne since I don’t know whether it was his idea, or LFL mandated - but regardless it was a poor decision.

The root cause of fridging, imo, is limited imagination.  How best to cause your male protagonist pain if not kill off someone they love, or at least have strong feelings for? The answer is of course, easily. But I’m getting ahead of myself.

The Luke Skywalker of HttJ is fresh from his victory in ANH, a lieutenant in the Rebellion: young, not dumb, and full of...

Nakari Kalen is an absolute Queen a civilian volunteer and crack-shot sniper who loans her ship Desert Jewel to the Alliance. Luke is immediately attracted to her, they bond over a mutual love of fast ships and leaving behind desert home planets, and engage in the inexpert flirting of two nineteen year olds while also risking their lives several times over.

I want to make it clear: I actually really like this book. It's a breezy read, almost serialised as The Early Adventures of Luke Skywalker, and is ofttimes genuinely funny. And credit where it’s due to Hearne, many of of the supporting roles in the novel are female. Other than Nakari, there's Soonta, the Rodian who gives Luke her uncle’s lightsaber, Sakhet the Kupohan spy, and the Givin cryptographer/math genius Drusil Bephorin. In a genre where male characters are often the default for these kind of roles, it was nice to see, but makes the regressive fridging of Nakari even more egregious.

Luke and Nakari make a good team fighting brain-sucking monsters and Imperials, but more importantly they have fun together - she encourages him to work on his Force skills, and he successfully moves objects with his mind for the first time (leading to Nakari adorably dub him "a little noddle scooter"). It's a very sweet, if brief, relationship, and a respite from the danger of the mission. They spend the night together (leaving the reader to decide exactly what happened behind closed doors), and share a kiss before splitting up to try and escape bounty hunters. No prizes for guessing what happens to Nakari immediately after she received the Skywalker Kiss of Death.

I assume there were two motivating factors for why Hearne and/or LFL couldn't let Nakari live:

1. If she survived, fans would wonder why she doesn't appear in ESB/subsequent material.

I recall this bandied about on forums back at the time of the book's release, and to that I say - so what? Fans are always going to wonder, and try to paper over the gaps in canon, to make up their own headcanons to explain any any perceived inconsistencies. It's certainly no reason to kill someone off.

It is in fact possible for two young people to have a romance that just fizzles, or doesn’t work out for whatever reason - it should not require great maneuvering or explanation. If Nakari doesn’t show up in the next book in the timeline, what about it? The reader is smart enough to assume she and Luke broke up, decided to just remain friends, whatever. But it seems that the only way for a female character to exit stage left is for her to die, which is bullshit.

And actually, there's no reason why she couldn't have shown up again. ESB and RoTJ cover a month and a few days, respectively, of Luke's life - just because there was no mention of Nakari doesn't mean she didn't exist at that time, whether or not she and Luke were an item. She could have made an appearance in a subsequent novel, or Rebels, or the comics - she could have become a recurring character, showing up when the Rebellion needed her, or - heaven forbid - even have her own comic/book/show! Her existence in Star Wars canon didn't need to begin and end with Luke Skywalker, merely to service his plotline and backstory and abandoning the richness of her own.

No, the only reason Nakari had to die was to facilitate this:

It was a blow to the gut, realizing what that sudden absence meant. I hadn't seen it with my own eyes, but I had felt Nakari's life snuffed out through the Force, and into that void where she had shone anger rushed in - anger, and a cold sense of raw power and invincibility...I took a step to join in the hunt but stopped, breathing heavily, unaccountably sweating even though I felt so cold inside and the power of the Force roiled within me... I shook with emotion and power, and none of it felt the way the Force had before...I saw what kind of space it was , a black hole that would always be hungry no matter how much I fed it. I might never feel warm again if I didn't get myself under control.

Luke feels the dark side and is tempted by the boost of power it offers him, but immediately identifies it as dangerous and unnatural. I can understand why Hearne wanted to include this - it is a book of firsts after all: Luke's first solo mission, his first time using telekenisis, and ending with story with his first experience of the dark side makes sense. But it wasn't necessary, which leads to:

2. How to push Luke to touch the dark side without killing someone he has romantic feelings for?

Also, obviously, shite of the bull (or nerf, if you prefer). Even if this brush with the dark side was absolutely necessary for the novel's climax, there's any number of ways it could be achieved. At this point, Luke is fresh from losing important people in his life - Owen and Beru, Ben, and Biggs - lumping another death on top of that a narrative trick for Luke to react not only to losing Nakari, but the others as well. But it's cheap, the first card in the deck, and why not show a bit of imagination? Luke is young and inexperienced enough at this point that any number of things could be the catalyst - the whole book he's struggling with his growing powers, why not try and reach too far in the firefight with the bounty hunters, his anger and frustration with himself in not doing enough trigger the dark side temptation? It would work thematically and doesn't involve a fridging that ultimately has very little payoff.

Because Nakari is killed less than ten pages from the end of the book - afterwards Luke grieves, but ultimately chooses to honour her memory and be grateful for what he learned with her, recommitting to becoming a Jedi. It's all very surface level, and once again a female character's death facilitates a male character's development. Was it so imperative that Luke lost someone he cared about as part of this story? Sure, this was a time of galactic civil war, and it's far from unrealistic that these stories have a high body count, but who to make collateral damage remains an authorial choice, and in this case Nakari Kelen was (a) a female character of color, (b) a love interest of the protagonist - not just of this book, but the entire Original Trilogy.

I don't know to what extent (if any) race had to play in the decision. I'm sure there was a segment of the fandom absolutely livid that Luke Skywalker kissed (and maybe had sex with) a black woman. Was her death LFL hedging its bets, or demonstrative of the general lack of attention/respect they show their characters of colour?

In any case this was a chance to stand out from the old EU and it's fridge full of Luke's dead girlfriends, but instead they chose to introduce and kill off Nakari for the sole purpose of Luke's manpain and character development, and that's gross.

And then there's this:

A grisly yet reliable fact about custom bounty hunter ships is that you can always count on them to have body bags stashed somewhere for the easy transport of their kills. They often have built-in refrigerated storage, too.

NAKARI IS KILLED AND LITERALLY STORED IN THE FUCKING FRIDGE I COULDN'T BELIEVE WHAT I WAS READING.

I really hope this was unintentional on Hearne's part, because yikes. He was halfway there, this book was full of interesting female characters who had agency - Drusil in particular was a delight with her super math and inability to understand human interaction. Nakari was full of life and fun - capable but relatable, showing a different side of the Rebellion and those that suffered under the Empire's rule. Fridging her in her first appearance is considerably more vile, because it reduces her to a footnote of Luke's story, a plot device to Help Him Grow, rather than a springboard to tell more of her own story.

Because Nakari was a compelling character ripe for spinoff potential. I would absolutely have read or watched her continued adventures, juggling missions for her father's Biolabs company and trying to aid the Rebellion, shooting her slug rifle and cracking wise, maybe even finding a way to amplify her mother's song Vader's Many Prosthetic Parts to really stick it to the Empire, or try and free the political prisoners on Kessel.

The old EU was made great by allies and enemies of Our Heroes showing up again to help or hinder them, and/or branching out into their own material. We fell in love with them, and followed their stories even as they diverged from the main saga, eager to read more about their lives.

Nakari Kelen never got that chance. In many ways, she exemplified what Disney Star Wars was to become: an exercise in wasted potential.

[atamascolily]

Shield of Lies, continued.

What would my mother think of me? he wondered, and it was the first time such a thought had ever confronted him.

Luke, you really suck at introspection, don’t you? Like... NEVER in TEN YEARS have you EVER wondered about your mother? Sigh.

Shortly after the reorganization of the government, Nanaod Engh had given Luke keys to most of the real treasures of the New Republic—the central data libraries maintained by various branches of the General Ministry. Thanks to Admiral Ackbar’s intervention, Luke also carried the highest-grade security clearance held by any civilian.

Between the two, Luke had—potentially—a great deal of information at his fingertips. But the access he had been granted was a courtesy, not a necessity. Luke’s most urgent curiosities were in areas of little interest to bureaucracies, and he had never found reason to make much use of the favors extended him.

But he found himself with reason now.

Speaking of lack of imagination.... SIGH.

Luke returned to the pilot’s couch and curled up sideways in it. “How do people become part of the circle?”

“Curiosity is not sufficient—which I hazard you know. Some are born to it. Some come to it. Is it any different in your discipline?”

“Born with the gift, do you mean, or born to someone who already belongs, to a trained adept?”

“Is the gift not in the blood?”

“Sometimes it seems that way. Sometimes it seems as if the talent goes wild, almost as if the Force chooses its own,” Luke said, turning on his back and propping one foot on the control panel.

“Why, what do you mean?”

“Look at the way the Jedi are coming back,” said Luke. “The Empire hunted us so relentlessly that most everyone who escaped thought they were the only Jedi left. But it isn’t just that a few solitaries who were hiding have resurfaced. I’ve found students with no family history whatsoever, in species that were never represented before in the Order.”

“Some of your number may have been adventurous travelers,” said Akanah. “On Carratos, I heard many jokes about how the Emperor spent his evenings. If a Jedi sleeps alone, surely it must be by choice, as it is with you.”

LOL, Akanah doesn’t know about Callista. Or Gaeriel. Or anything else about Luke’s messed-up love life.

“Are you saying that you expected me to warm a bed with you?” Luke said. “I didn’t think that was our bargain.”

“No,” she said. “I never expected that.”

“Then what are you saying?”

“That Luke Skywalker could have a hundred children by now. A thousand.”

“That’s crazy.”

“No—that’s the simple truth. There are different rules for heroes and royalty, and you’re seen as a little of both. You can’t be unaware of that.”

Luke frowned and looked away. “I don’t know how to be a father to one child, much less a thousand.”

“You wouldn’t need to know,” she said. “Their mothers wouldn’t expect it. They would be grateful enough for the gift.”

“I’d expect it of me,” he said, and firmly steered the conversation back on course. “We were talking about my being an honorary member of the circle—”

Again, I’m surprised by Luke’s lack of imagination--and offers--given how people at the spaceport viewed him. Did none of them really think, “I would totally bang this dude?” WHY IS HE SO SURPRISED?

Also Luke, just say “fuck,” it’s okay, I promise.

“We were talking about my being an honorary member of the circle—”

“Not honorary,” she corrected. “Novice.”

“Novice, then. But there’s an exception in your oath for people like me?”

“Every adept has the right to judge and the duty to teach,” she said. “I’ve made my judgment.”

“And the rest?” Luke asked. “We’ve had many hours together—why haven’t you started to teach me?”

“But I have,” she said. “I’ve asked you to think about what you know and believe. To go beyond that, the novice must ask for the door to be opened. But you aren’t ready to think of yourself as a student again—not yet. You run too well and easily to go back to crawling.”

#accurate. Luke spends most of this book so convinced he knows everything and yet he can’t figure out why he’s so stuck in a rut.

“No,” Luke said, shaking his head. “To be a Jedi is to be a seeker. A Jedi is always learning. It’s only on the dark side that one becomes obsessed with knowing, and impressed with doing.”

“There’s a touch of the dark side,” Akanah said slowly, “in the way you cling to the privilege of killing, and resist the teaching I’ve offered you. A hint of a mind that has settled on answers and resents being challenged with new questions.”

Luke toyed with the lacing on his longshirt as he considered her words. “You may be right,” he said finally. “I found the Force at a time when what I needed was power. I wanted a weapon to protect my friends, not enlightenment. I was thinking of war against the Empire, not peace with the universe. Perhaps something of that lingers in how I see myself. I’ll think on it.”

“Good,” she said. “Your words give me hope. And hope is the beginning of everything worthwhile.”

I have no idea how the chronology lines up with the other plots and honestly it’s hard to care. This is the most interesting part of the book to me, and I’m STILL reeling at how late in the game this is.

He then took advantage of the open space inside the bay to work his first complete set of Jedi training drills since leaving Coruscant. Working both with and without his lightsaber, he patiently went through the complex exercises which brought him to a profound state of restful clarity.

It was in this state that he felt most keenly the truth and the wisdom of the simple words: There is no emotion; there is peace. There is no ignorance; there is knowledge. There is no passion; there is serenity. There is no death; there is the Force. The peace, the knowledge, and the serenity were gifts that came with his surrender to the Force and with his connection through the Force to all that was.

Sustaining that clarity was always the challenge. In the isolation of a Dagobah, the Jundland Wastes, or a hermitage on a frozen shore, an experienced Jedi could preserve that inner state indefinitely.

But the chaos of the real world was another matter. When ego returned, so did will. The surrender became tainted, the connection flawed. The clarity gradually slipped away under the continuous assault of elementary drives and passions. Even the greatest of the masters needed to perform the practice regularly lest they lose the discipline that made them what they were.

GAH. WHY IS IT ALWAYS DUALITY WITH YOU, KUBE-MCDOWELL? WHAT ABOUT  A MIDDLE WAY BETWEEN THE “TAINTED WORLD” AND “PURITY OF ISOLATION”. What about “entering the market-place with gift-bestowing hands”? And nothing ever stays the same “indefinitely”!!!!!

The drills were as much a test for the body as for the mind, and the docking bay’s newly sanitized shower brought a blissful peace to muscles that were telling Luke they had not been properly exercised in too long. He stood for a long time in the place where the six needle jets converged, letting the water flowing down his body become another meditation.

Yeah, maybe you should have thought of that in your hermitage-quarantine-sulk thing??

I’d forgotten about the bookstore full of Jedi forgeries!!! 

The offerings included Emperor Palpatine’s Principles of Power, a private publication for Imperial Moffs; the Sith book of offerings and rituals; the H’kig book of laws; and the secrets of forming Bilar-type claqa group-minds, among others—with a special discount if Luke took any three or more. Most of the documents were undoubtedly frauds, and none tempted Luke beyond idle curiosity over the skillfulness of the fraud.

And the Jabba’s palace re-creation OH MY GOODNESS:

But making his way to the outgate, Luke turned a corner and was taken aback by the brilliantly lit exterior of a club bar called Jabba’s Throne Room. Performing Nightly—The Original Max Rebo Band, said the scroll. Visit Jabba’s Guest Quarters with a Pleasure Slave. Face the Mighty Rancor in the Pit of Death—

Driven by an outraged curiosity, Luke joined the line and paid the membership charge without haggling. Inside, he descended a curving flight of stairs into a remarkably faithful copy of the throne room in Jabba’s desert palace on Tatooine. Some of the dimensions had been stretched to accommodate more tables in front of the bandstand and around the rancor pit, but the architecture and atmosphere were authentic.

“Why, it’s just like the Palace Museum,” [he] said to the tall and elegantly dressed Twi’lek barring the way at the bottom of the stairs.

“I’m afraid my master Jabba is away on business,” said the Bib Fortuna look-alike, nodding toward the empty dais. “But I’m having a little party in his absence, and I hope you’ll enjoy yourself.” His head-tails stirred in signal, and one of the scantily clad dancing girls hurried to him.

“Yes, Lord Fortuna,” the server said.

“Oola, this is a friend of mine,” said the major-domo. “Treat him well. Find him a seat at my best table.”

The same fiction was carried through everywhere else—an Ortolan keyboardist leading a jizz-wailer trio on the bandstand, the roaring of the rancor underfoot, an annoying Kowakian monkey-lizard skittering around the room stealing food and cackling rudely, even a carbon-frozen Han Solo hanging in the display alcove. But a busy kitchen was concealed down the corridor to the servant’s quarters, and the price card “Oola” left for him included various services available upstairs in the guest quarters and downstairs in Jabba’s dungeon.

It was tasteless and exploitative, but the music was surprisingly agreeable, the roast nerf was tantalizing, and the clientele was markedly more subdued than their counterparts out on the walks. [He] ordered a drink and the executioner’s cut of nerf, refused all other offers with a polite smile, and settled in to discover the truth quotient of The Secrets of the Jedi.

Shortly after his meal arrived, Luke’s consciousness was pricked by hearing a familiar name spoken at a nearby table: Leia’s. He looked up, fearing that the evening’s entertainment at Jabba’s Throne Room would be a dance by a slave-girl-Leia look-alike. But the band was on a break and the transparisteel dance platform over the rancor pit deserted.

I’m honestly surprised this isn’t at Galaxy’s Edge, tbh.

Shortly after, a holographic Jabba made an appearance on the dais above the main floor. That signaled the start of an elaborately scripted show that promised to involve not only “Bib Fortuna” and the dancers, but additional actors and the audience as well.

Luke took that as his cue to leave. His decision was affirmed when, climbing up the curving stairs to the street, he encountered the bounty hunter Boushh coming down them with an unconvincing Chewbacca in tow.

“Aren’t you a little short for a Wookiee?” he muttered under his breath as they passed.

LOL. Anyway, here’s some stuff on archives searches in the GFFA:

From Carratos he requested any information available from newsgrid, political, or police records on Akanah Norand Pell, Andras Pell, and Talsava. He sent the same query to Coruscant’s criminal records office and citizen registry and to the home offices of both the Coruscant Global Newsgrid and the New Republic Prime Newsgrid.

From the New Republic Reference Service, he requested a quickreport on naming conventions on Lucazec and Carratos, thinking he might parse another lead from the names in hand.

A second request to the same source asked for five-hundred-word excerpts from all matches on the key words “Fallanassi” and “White Current.” After a short debate with himself, and despite the pathetic and sensational inaccuracies of Secrets of the Jedi, Luke also contacted an information broker on Atzerri and paid a hundred credits for a search on the same keys.

He also requested a Current Terms & Conditions brochure from the chief librarian’s office on Obroa-skai. The library computers there were the only resource offering both a greater variety and a greater volume of records than those held by Coruscant.

But Obroa-skai’s generosity with its planetary treasure was limited. To protect against theft of the library, and to provide the resources needed to maintain it, accessing the records meant either going to Obroa-skai or hiring one of the library’s own trained contract researchers.

In either case, Obroa-skai was not a resource one turned to for quick answers. The official language of New Republic recordkeeping was Basic, and everything held by Coruscant was kept in one of several readily searchable data specifications. But the Obroa-skai library was a collection of primary documents, in ten thousand storage formats and uncountable languages. The most complete general index covered only fifteen percent of the library’s holdings, and all the specialty indexes combined added only a few percent to that.

Those were the principal reasons why the brochure—which Luke received within minutes of requesting it, as the first response to any of his inquiries—reported that a normal single-part library search was averaging eight days. The waiting list for terminal time was holding at fifteen days, and the backlog for contract researchers had climbed to seventy.

LOL. I should definitely use that in a fic at some point.

[northern-typist]

Killing Me Softly: Part One

A/N: Merry Christmas Folks! In celebration of the new Star Wars being released, I thought I’d try my hand at a Star Wars fic. If you’ve seen the new one; I’m mad, so I thought I’d write a fic to help.

Pairing: General Hux/OC & Poe Dameron/OC (If you squint.)

Set: TFA and Beyond.

‘I heard he sang a good song

I heard he had a style

And so I came to see him'

—

Colette wanted to go home. To be away from this forsaken planet, from the sandy-dunes and sweltering heat. She spared a quick glance to her closest ally, the famed - Poe Dameron - and sighed, leaning back. He caught her gaze; sending a concerned look her way. Colette could do nothing but shrug, shaking her head; the silvery-blonde hair swishing along with her. She felt something, an unease, deep down within her. Turning back to Lor San, Colette tuned back into the conversation; they were here for a reason, after all...

"This will begin to make things right. I've travelled too far, and seen too much, to ignore the despair in the galaxy. Without the Jedi, there can be no balance in the Force."

Poe and Colette shared another look, the former leaning forwards.

"Well, because of you now we have a chance. The General's been after this for a long time."

Lor San chuckled lowly, smiling mirthfully; remembering.

"The General..." He pondered. "To me, she's royalty."

"She certainly is that." Colette mused in return.

—

As a young girl, General Organa, or Leia, as Colette was permitted to call her; was the only real mentor she had known. The General was her Mother after all. She allowed Colette to forge her own way within the Resistance; which, subsequently is how Colette ended up becoming a Healer. In the wake of her Brother's, as well as her Father's untimely departure; Colette had stayed close to her Mother. She'd been requested, by the General, to accompany Poe to Jakku - Just incase somebody needed an extra-hand.

—

Colette, however, was broken away from her distant thoughts, at the arrival of Poe's droid. Poe's ever-so wonderful BB-8. The room turned towards the door, where BB-8 currently resided.

He continued to beep wildly. Standing to attention, Colette found herself rushing to BB-8, kneeling down beside him. Brow furrowed.

"What's going on BB-8, what's the matter?" She queried, quickly. BB-8's frantic beeping continued; causing Poe to turn to Lor San with worried, wide eyes.

"We've got company." His voice deep, eyes trained on BB-8 and Colette.

This is what Colette had feared. She knew something was going to happen, something truly awful; and now, her worst fears had been confirmed.

The First Order was here.

—

Out in the open, the Group were able to see the oncoming enemy. In the distance; the murky-skies had started to open, First Order ships now beginning their decent onto Jakku. Reaching out, Poe managed to snag Colette's hand, squeezing it. She glanced down, thinking nothing of it - Poe usually did this during stressful moments.

The Pair turned their attention back to Lor San.

"You have to hide, I-"

Poe was interrupted by a hand, Lor San's to be exact. His face was grim. Colette knew what was coming next, her eyes moving to the ground, before the landed on the oncoming storm.

"No, son, you have to leave; both of you." Lor San instructed.

Poe and Colette nodded, the pair clearly conflicted; but with little to no choice, they parted ways. Both sides ready for battle.

—

One by one, the Transporter ships started to land; Stormtroopers, in their droves, began to file out. Guns at the ready, aimed at the Villagers. Screams echoed around, as the gunshots were fired. Many of the Villagers were starting to retaliate, but it was ultimately useless. The First Order were no match.

—

On the other-side of the Village, Poe, Colette and BB-8; now running at full speed towards their ship. Their hands connected, pulling each other closer and closer, towards safety. Looking down, Colette noted BB-8 lacking slightly behind.

"Come on BB-8, hurry!" She called out, the droid beeping in response.

Without hesitation, the trio boarded the ship. Poe sitting in the cockpit, Colette behind him; BB-8, also aboard, aided in by the mechanics of the ship. Craning her neck back, Colette noted a few stray Stormtroopers. Her stomach dropped, quickly bringing her hand up and banging on the divider between herself and Poe.

"What the-" He started, turning also, growing quiet upon seeing the danger.

The pair shared a glance, before Poe kicked the ship into-action. Fire and explosions, all from the Village, reflected in Colette's window. She couldn't stand to look. Averting her eyes, back towards Poe. The Plane whirred to life; starting to ascend up, into the air. When-

BANG!

Everything began to shake. The ship lurched, causing Colette to grip onto BB-8; the pair glanced back, once again. Two Stormtroopers were advancing closer. BB-8 beeped, worriedly. Colette nodded; moving her attention onto the control panel before her. Pulling a lever up, the gun below began to ready itself. The Stormtroopers neared, moving quicker; causing Poe to panic slightly.

"Colette..." He exclaimed loudly, eyes wide.

Hand over the trigger; Colette inhaled sharply, and pressed down. A resounding BOOM vibrated from behind. Colette grinned, cheering loudly; Poe doing the same. Turning back to his controls, Poe started to ship up again - however, this time, there was nothing. No power, the ship wouldn't restart. Warning sounds echoed from inside. Leaning into the Cockpit, Colette allowed a frown to grow.

"What's going on?" She questioned, over the deafening noise of the explosions.

Poe simply shook his head; starting to exit the ship.

"We need to fix the ship, before those idiots catch us." With that; he fully exited.

Now alone, Colette wordlessly shook her head and released BB-8, before exiting herself. She found Poe kneeling by the plane; working his so-called 'magic' to get it fixed and ready for flight. However, it was simply no use. There was nothing that could be done. Both, Colette and Poe knew this; resigning themselves to stop, and face the facts.

Poe then noticed BB-8, who watched his closest friends closely. Observing them. He sucked in a breath, he'd made his final decision. Kneeling down, he reached into his pocket, pulling out the leather sack; the one Lor San had gifted to them. The map to Luke Skywalker. Colette watched on as Poe quickly loaded the drive into BB-8.

"You take this. It's safer with you than it is with me. You get as far away from here as you can. Do you hear me? You and Colette-"

"No."

Colette's heart stopped beating, for a moment. She couldn't speak. Staring at Poe with wide, concerned eyes. Grasping Poe's hand, she shook her head reverently. Poe knew this look and gritted his teeth; Colette was always stubborn.

"I'm coming with you, I'm certainly not running away." She stated firmly. "We're in this together, Dameron."

BB-8 glanced back and forth, between his friends, unsure. Sensing this, Colette kneeled also. Tracing a hand over BB-8's head. Her eyes full of unshed tears. He beeped lowly. Purring.

"I know BB-8, I know. But you've got to do this, we'll only slow you down. Be brave, BB-8, be brave."

Tapping his head once more, Colette gathered herself and stood; re-taking Poe's hand, squeezing it. They stared at one-another, talking silently. From behind - Another large explosion echoed, causing the pair to jump. They stared at BB-8, who in turn, beeped loudly; rolling away. The pair watched him go. Poe's eyes full of sadness, Colette's full of worry.

"Over there."

Colette snapped around, noticing another group of Stormtroopers. She swore silently, hitting Poe's stomach and moving them behind the plane. Out of sight, away from the sight of the First Order. Leaning on the plane, the pair caught their breath.

"We need a plan."

Rolling her eyes, Colette motioned to her blaster, sitting by her waist. Poe's doing the same. Then it clicked; Poe started to grin boyishly, taking Colette's hand, kissing it. Colette, shaking her head, retracted her hand. Standing, pulling the blaster from her belt. Ready to fight.

—

The Village was in complete and utter chaos. Blood covered the walls, bodies were strewn across the sand-dunes; Stormtroopers still finding survivors, killing them, scaring the wildlife around. Smoke filled the air; Lor San watched the man before him, cautiously, wary. He finished speaking; the boy, the man he once knew - Then, the Knight of Ren unsheathed his sword, the red illuminating the landscape.

Poe was nearer to the scene than Colette, who had opted to sneak around from behind. She watched, caution filling her grey-eyes; blaster at the ready. Then it happened. The man, who she knew to be called Kylo Ren; charged his lightsaber towards Lor San, slicing him down the middle. She let out a gasp, trying to keep her emotions at bay. The older-man fell to the ground unceremoniously. What she didn't expect, was her oldest-friend to suddenly start charging towards Ren. His blaster fired, but was stopped. The beam halting in the air. Poe doing the same, now stuck, unable to move. He was then brought towards Ren, Troopers gripping his arms.

Colette tried peer around further, but, was struck by a hard object. Landing on the ground, Colette moved to retaliate, however; was brought to her feet. Glancing up, she noticed that she was now in the grip of two Stormtroopers. Struggling, Colette trashed about; trying to break free. But it was no use. There was simply no escape. Poe's heart sank; as a brotherly-figure to Colette, he'd hoped that Colette might've escaped, run to find BB-8. But alas, there she was; bloodied, bruised and in the arms of the First Order. Upon seeing Kylo Ren, Colette spat on the floor.

Under his mask, Ren smirked. She's just as he remembered.

Leaving Poe for a moment; he stepped closer to Colette. Tilting his head, almost mocking her. Colette simply stared, her eyes burning holes into Ren's mask.

"Maybe I could get the map from you? I didn't think they sent Healers to the field." He spoke mechanically. His voice sending a shiver down her spine.

Colette smirked, albeit tiredly.

"What can I say? I'm one of a kind." She quipped back, sarcastically.

Ren stayed silent, the Village, those around; waiting for his next move. Colette bit her gum, chewing nervously. Knowing that her sarcastic-nature would get her in-bother eventually. Ren started to lift a hand, nearing Colette's face. In the near distance, Poe began to call out for his friend. His pleas falling on deaf ears, as Ren flicked his hand, Colette falling unconscious due to the action. Falling limp, out cold; Colette started to fall, but was caught by Ren. Picking her up, he started to carry her towards the Transporter. Poe's shouting grew louder as they neared.

"Bring him too."

His eyes never leaving Colette, Poe watched as she was loaded onto the ship. Knowing that he would be following her soon.

This wasn't supposed to happen.

—

On Board the Finaliser...

Colette awoke with a start. Her breathing laboured, almost as if she'd been experiencing a bad-dream. Resting her head back, Colette tried to move her arms, but upon inspection; she realised the worst. This hadn't been a bad-dream, this was reality. She was onboard the Finaliser; within the grasp of the First Order. Colette's thoughts immediately went to Poe. She hoped he was doing alright, doing better than her. Groaning, Colette flopped back (or did her best to); in the end, this would be all worth it. The Resistance would get what they wanted, and Colette would never have to leave the Base again.

After another round of trying to settle, the door swooshed open; causing Colette to glance up, fearful of what was about to enter. She'd heard the stories about Kylo Ren, about the First Order. Deep down; she knew who he really was. Taking a deep breath, Colette prepared herself for the worst.

Footsteps echoed off the wall. They sounded orderly, professional.

Glancing up; her breath caught. Blue met Grey, and Colette thought her world was going to implode.

'You're finally awake."

Colette swallowed, taking in the man stood before her; this was the most feared General in the Galaxy. She was face to face with General Hux. Although; a small-part of her sighed, with relief; knowing she was away from Kylo Ren. Their eyes never wavered; the tension thick. Colette tried to chuckle, though it came out shaky. She was afraid, and it was very evident.

"After all that, a girl needs her beauty sleep."

—

General Hux hadn't wanted to interrogate the girl. He'd rather be stood on the Bridge, giving orders. Instead; he was stuck retrieving answers from a Healer. She was young, he'd noted; but not that much younger than himself. The girl was pretty too, naturally so. If she wasn't Resistance, maybe he might've taken a second look. Armitage Hux was a proud man. Never humble, always took pride in what he did, what he had achieved over his time. Then he saw her; the woman, the girl; the one they all fawned over within the Resistance. General Organa's daughter.

Removing his gloves, Hux located a nearby stool; pulling it towards him and seating himself across from Colette. His careful eyes watching her; every heave of her chest, the way her brow furrowed as she thought. Colette noticed him staring. Raising a careful eyebrow.

"Are you enjoying watching me, Mister Hux?"

"That's General Hux to you." He snapped.

"Well excuse me, General Hux, I do apologise." Colette's response was snappy, yet sarcastic.

Hux raised his glance; meeting her stare. Grey meeting blue. A harsh stand off. He'd never been spoken to in this manner before. He was used to obedience, and yet, here was the very opposite of what he knew. Sniffing, shuffling slightly, Hux pulled his lips into a signature sneer, smirking.

"What's your name then rebel scu-"

"Rebel scum? It's been awhile since someone called me that." Colette laughed. She could; it was almost fifteen moons ago. Her laugh echoed around the interrogation room. It almost reminded Hux of a songbird. However, he kept these thoughts to himself. Keeping silent, he tilted his head; motioning to Colette. Understanding him, she let out a sigh. "It's Colette Organa."

That was it; Colette. A pretty name, he thought; not expecting anything less from a woman such as the Princess. But now, it was time to get to business.

"Where's the map, Organa?" He questioned sternly. Colette simply shrugged her shoulders; acting innocent, her grey eyes wide, doe-like.

"What map?"

"The map, the map to Luke Skywalker, the map to your Uncle." He pressed; growing more agitated.

Again; Colette shrugged. Acting innocent, pretending to the furthest degree. He couldn't know of her Uncle's location, no one in the First Order could. Especially not Kylo Ren. She held his gaze, defiant.

"Even if I did, why would I tell you?" She queried, eyes wide.

Hux bunched up his fists. His patience, though there was little to begin with, starting to ware thin. Inhaling sharply, he fond himself leaning forwards, closer to Colette.

"Listen here, I know that you're not stupid, you're a clever girl. Playing innocent is fun, a fun game; but this isn't make believe, this is the real world and we need that map. Tell me where it is, and I won't have to bring in-"

Colette's eyes widened, suddenly; gripping the armrests harshly.

"No, please! Don't bring him in here, please, no." She begged, obviously frightened.

This caused Hux to take a moment, to stop. He evaluated Colette; pursing his lips, deciding. What was causing this visceral reaction; he'd never seen one quite like it before.

"He's currently in with your friend-"

Her eyes lit up at this; relaxing, ever-so slightly.

"Poe..."

—

At the opposite end of the ship; Poe stared at the Jedi stood before him. He felt the pull inside his mind; the intrusion causing him a great deal of pain. The Jedi trying his hardest to find the map, where BB-8 had gone. But, unfortunately for Poe; Ren's mind tricks were far too complex. He'd found what he required. Ren was now aware that BB-8 held the key to Skywalker. Defeated, Poe closed his eyes; his mind drifting to Colette. He prayed that she was safe, out of harms way.

"You care for her."

Upon hearing the mechanical voice, Poe's eyes snapped open. He huffed, glowering at Ren. Who in turn, was smirking (as he had done many times before) underneath his helmet.

"Yeah, yeah I care for her. What's it to you?" Poe managed to spit out, tired and weary.

Ren stepped back, observing the Resistance Fighter.

"It interests me to know who she spends her time with." He droned out.

"Where is she?" Ignoring him, Ren started to slow retreat from the room; causing Poe to redden, with rage. "Where's Colette, what have you done to her?" He raised his voice again. Hoping for an answer; he wasn't gifted with one. Poe was about to try for a third time, when he noticed Ren; who had stopped in the open door.

"Your friend-" He began. "She's with General Hux, now we have the map; she's and the droid are no concern of yours anymore."

"I swear to God, if he lays a hand on her-"

The door swooshed shut; Kylo Ren gone, Poe now alone. He continued to stare at the door; angered by the Jedi.

He would get Colette back, even if it killed him. He owed her that much.

—

Armitage Hux wanted to strangle the Healer sat before him. He never considered himself to be a violent man; he wasn't his Father. But this girl; she was something else. He hadn't been able to gather the map; she was much stronger than that, he had to give the girl credit. Now; she was stalling. However, Colette Organa, had decided the best way to stall - was to talk consistently, without letting the other get a say.

She was stalling for time, for Poe.

Hux, now pacing the room, awaiting for Ren, stared down at Colette coldly. She had managed to ignore all of his glares, and stares. Oblivious, or so it seemed. When the door opened; both turned, relieved. It wasn't Ren, but a Stormtrooper. It turned to Hux, adressing him.

"Yes?"

"The other Prisoner has revealed the location of the Map, Sir."

Hux spun back to face Colette, smirking victoriously.

"How marvellous. Tell the Troops to send a team to Jakku."

"Yes Sir."

The Stormtrooper retreated. Colette refused to look at Hux, unable to meet his gaze. For some reason; unbeknownst to Hux, he felt a stab in his stomach. He ignored the feeling; it was irrelevant. Leaning down; he placed two hands over Colette, on each hand rest. She took the moment to turn, meeting his gaze. Her grey eyes burning into his own. A fire now there; he swallowed, continuing to sneer.

"Would you look at that; seems the Resistance aren't so brilliant after all."

"Oh dear, and I thought we were getting on so well." She commented.

"This is war, my dear, it's no place for the likes of you. We have what we want and we'll find it." He replied, serious and stern.

Colette bit back a laugh. Now closer to him; she was starting to notice General Hux's features. He was rather handsome, she thought; although, she couldn't allow that thought to run any further. No good would come from it. Sighing, she shifted; sitting straighter. Hux took notice. Frowning.

"Well, before you go, could you at least release my bonds? I-I need to use the refresher." She tried, hoping the ginger would fall for her spin. She watched his features, unrelenting in her gaze. He fidgeted; was he considering it? "Please, General; I wouldn't ask, but I'm rather desperate-"

“No."

"No?"

Hux began to shake his head; also standing straighter, to his full height.

"I know better than to fall for some pretty-girls lies."

There was a long, pregnant pause.

"You think I'm pretty, General?" She teased, smirking.

Gritting his teeth, Hux slammed a hand down next to Colette's head; just where she wanted him. His face was redder; clearly embarrassed. Peeking up at Hux's hand; Colette decided, then, it was time.

“I will not have some insolent Healer-“

Hux wasn't able to finish his sentence, as Colette brought her knee upwards; reaching his groin. He recoiled; but not before slamming a hand onto the controls, accidentally releasing Colette's bonds. She lunged forwards, bringing Hux to the ground. Holding him down; now straddling him; her hair hanging out of her buns. He groaned, opening his eyes. They widened upon noticing who sat upon him.

“Excellent."

"Not so bad for an 'insolent Healer', huh?" She taunted. All Hux could do was groan. Reaching inside his greatcoat; Colette grappled for Hux's blaster, finally, after awhile; finding it and bringing it out. Hux watched her though his haze; unsure of her next moves. Colette quickly stood, aiming the blaster down. Smirking. "Now, General, this has been fun. But I've got a pilot to save."

She didn't allow room for a reply, instead, deciding on rushing towards the door; however, a small voice stopped her.

“You are rather pretty, Organa.”

A small smile escaped Colette's lips. She peaked behind, just for a moment.

"You're not so bad yourself, General."

For the last time; Grey met blue, and Colette collected herself, before opening the door and rushing off down the corridor. Hux groaned; his ribs crying out for some pain-relief. He winced, sitting; gathering his thoughts. Had he allowed her to escape? Surely not. She'd managed to best him; although, Hux put that down to an element of surprise.

Colette Organa was one hell of a women, even he would allow himself to admit that.

Standing; he leaned against the wall - reaching towards the Comm system. He punched in the code and began speaking-

—

"-find her, and bring her to me. That is a direct order."

Colette raced down the hallway, and another; and another. Each one looked the same; maybe she was going around in circles? Reaching a lift, she pressed the button and waited for the oncoming lift. Occasionally glancing behind; now that Hux had broadcast her escape, the chase was certainly on.

—

There was no time left; no time to find Colette. They were on opposite sides of the ship. Poe, now with his newest acquaintance in tow; ran through the corridors - towards the landing strip. The pair boarded a ship; beginning the starting procedures. As the ship finally left the Finaliser, Poe thought about Colette; he'd come back for her.

—

DING.

Turning, Colette watched as the Lift doors opened; but soon regretted it - catching a glimpse of whom was situated inside it. She turned to run, but was halted. The Force forcing her to turn and stop. Grey latched onto grey. Finally; she was face to face with him. The One she had avoided for so long.

"Hello Sister."

—

A/N: Hope you guys enjoyed this First Part; I’m so excited to continue Colette’s journey.

[myevilmouse]

In Defense of The Rise of Skywalker

Or...how I learned to stop hating and enjoy a movie

Spoilers and random thoughts below the cut.

I hate the abomination that was/is The Last Jedi.  Let’s get that out of the way.  I’ve already explained the hundreds of reasons why, the biggest and most unforgivable being the character assassination of Luke “I call him Jake” Skywalker and the invalidation of every victory of the OT.  I resent this making people lump me into a “gatekeeper” sect, or accuse me of racism (Rose was annoying and ruined Finn’s heroism, jeopardizing hundreds of lives for her own selfish reasons without building up a convincing romance and blah blah etc).  It has nothing to do with her gender, race, or anything.  It has to do with poor character development and inconsistent motivations/messages. 

I’m also not a huge fan of The Force Awakens, mainly for its lack of originality and the treatment of Han/Leia, but otherwise I thought it was OK.  I liked Finn, wanted him to become a Jedi, found Poe to be a worthy heir to our antihero mold.  Rey left me indifferent and Kylo Ren was a temper-tantrum throwing teenager, but anyway...

Let’s keep that as background/context and not get bogged down.

Since they announced the title of this movie, I have been livid with rage. How dare they use my man’s name to sell their disgusting imitation of a beloved universe?  I was certain, ever since it was announced, that Rey would take Luke’s surname, despite having treated him so horribly in TLJ, despite having done nothing to earn it, despite having spent far more time with Leia, so if anything a Solo/Organa family name would make more sense.  It was just to sell tickets and I was furious.

I read all the spoilers.  Worst fears:  confirmed.  I looked at leaked photos.  I raged over the inanity of the plot and the sad conclusion to the Skywalker Saga, which in my mind will always end with ROTJ.

Still, I love Mark Hamill, and I decided to treat this film as a MH film. The completist in me required theatrical viewing.  Rare to get our man in a cinematic release.  So I went, ready to hate watch, prepared to dull the bitterness and betrayal with wine.

But….JJ Abrams directed a fix it fic.  And it’s good.  This film not just address the real injustices and horrible story decisions of TLJ, but also addresses some of the major problems of TFA too. 

I tried to go in with an open mind, but obviously I had many preconceived notions, and already knew almost every single story point and character beat.  I was ready to roll around in my hate and slam the abomination.  I want to emphasize that I am one of those people that was COMPLETELY prepared to hate EVERYTHING about this.

There are flaws. 

But there is so much that is great. 

I really really liked it. 

No one is more shocked than I at my own reaction.  I was ready/willing/wanting/primed to hate everything about this.  Please keep that in mind.  Hahah and no one is paying me to write this post 😉

I decided to write this because I also read all the negative critical reviews online from the pro critics yelling FAN SERVICE.  And I’m like…damn straight?  Ever since George Lucas made Han shoot second, fandom has understood that we understand this franchise better than film executives.  We aren’t concerned with adding an extra dewback or improving special effects.  We love these films the way we first experienced them, and they cannot and should not be “improved” to the ultimate detriment of the brand.

I’m here to tell you that the critics are not being fair.  The spoilers on reddit were true, but the movie works. Let’s accept, before we go further, that Abrams couldn’t entirely rewrite the mess that he stepped into/helped create. So I can’t defend the fact that Finn isn’t a Jedi yet or the mess that is the new Rebellion/failure of the old. I, like many fans, wish we had been given a different/better story from the beginning.  Sadly, we were not.

That is something we don’t have to accept (I certainly don’t consider these films “canon” in my mind—Mara Jade forever!) but let’s approach this film in the spirit it seems to be intended:  An attempt to address the very valid criticisms loudly voiced about the others in the trilogy, with the caveat that we are stuck with TFA and TLJ no matter how much we hate them.

First, the music is amazing, as we all knew it would be.  The acting is stellar.

Some of the things Abrams “fixed:”

“Rey is perfect/Mary Sue/good at everything”.  There is a conscious effort in this film to show her training, with Leia as her Master.  There is a good scene foreshadowing her final struggle, where she strains to hear the voices of Jedi past and fails.  There are several signs that she is not a Jedi yet, including how Palpatine talks about her, and perhaps my favorite, when she tells Leia she hasn’t earned Luke’s lightsaber.

Me: Damn straight you haven’t.

And Leia AGREES, keeping Luke’s weapon because Rey isn’t ready for it. She’s still learning.

Further proof of her non-Jedi status, when Rey is killed, she doesn’t join the Force.  She is a corpse.  On the other hand, Ben Solo, once redeemed, disappears as we would expect a good Jedi to do.  A clear distinction between the two of them.

And speaking of Leia:

Leia’s character:  TFA and TLJ Leia is weak and sends other people to fight, whereas our brave Princess from the OT is volunteering for suicide missions, grabbing weapons from the hands of her rescuers, and running into danger for a good cause.  It always bothered me that she didn’t go after Kylo herself (or with Han).  In this, we see her as a Jedi Master, training Rey, with her own lightsaber.  Leia is once more a badass, true to her character.  A legitimate Jedi who also joins the Force (although not sure why it took her so long post-mortem, that was weird).

Luke’s character:  Hello, I am A LUKE FANATIC.  The biggest sin of TFA and especially TLJ was this idea of Luke hiding out and becoming the disgusting, pessimistic coward he was shown to be.  Abrams ignores this pretty much entirely, starting with the revelation that Luke was actually going on missions with Lando to hunt for a Sith artifact to help the Rebellion.  Luke kept notes, he was busy and ACTIVE.  He wasn’t giving up; he was leaving a trail to help anyone who followed.  The best ‘fuck you’ in the whole movie was Luke catching Anakin’s lightsaber when Rey throws it away.  The ultimate rejection of his TLJ characterization.  

Luke’s conversation with Rey echoes very much the ROTJ “you must confront Vader” conversation.  There are many echoes of ROTJ but given the restrictions on what we are working with, I accepted this parallel.  Much like Luke had to face his unfortunate inheritance, so must Rey.  It’s not terribly original, but these films aren’t.

I also loved the simple line “I was wrong” when Rey asks why he did what he did in TLJ.  This to me is simply “Rian Johnson was wrong/The Last Jedi was wrong.”  There is no excuse that is acceptable, but this is a filmmaker acknowledging an injustice, and I appreciated it.  (Did I mention these films are not canon for me? They aren’t, just giving credit for this attempt.)

Han’s character:  I hated SO MUCH how they turned Han into a failure in TFA.  A buffoon, not even a good smuggler anymore, a failure as a father, a husband.  When I heard he was going to be in this I was like HUH?  But this “memory” of his father that Kylo Ren sees after Rey heals him and departs, after he’s lost his mother, is another attempt to redeem the injustice to Han’s character.  Han is the one in the movie who brings Kylo Ren back to the Light, not Rey.  It is a very short scene, but effective.  The acting is poignant, with the “Dad” working for me.  Maybe I’m a softie.  But I appreciated this brief proof that Han Solo, in the end, didn’t suck as a father, and ultimately, even as a hallucination, inspired the love that saved his son.

Chewbacca got a medal:  I said Abrams was fixing things in the sequels, but I admit I was choked up to see this fixit from A New Hope.  Finally Chewie gets the medal he is LONG overdue.

Team dynamic with the new characters:  Finally we understand why these people care about each other.  They go on shared adventures, they have banter (and some good jokes, not the stupid bathos of TLJ), and there is finally some sense of camaraderie that was discarded in TLJ.  There are several references to Rey’s “new family,” clearly referring to this band of Rebels, and it was far more compelling than in earlier films.

Finn’s Force Sensitivity:  I, like many, desperately wanted Finn to be a Jedi.  Since TFA, it seemed inevitable!  I loved how he used the lightsaber, how he seemed to have Force abilities (that were never really explored).  TLJ ignored that potential completely, sidelining him on that stupid Canto Bight quest and pulling him away from Rey.  There are so many signs that he is destined to be a Jedi in this film, I was thrilled to see them.  Knowing things without explanation, doing amazing things, sensing things, trusting his feelings, it’s another ‘fuck you’ in my opinion, to RJ for ignoring this former stormtrooper’s destiny in favor of overblown set pieces and pointless CGI theatrics.  When he says, towards the end “I can feel it,” I wanted to fist pump.  YOU GO BE A JEDI FINN!  THE FORCE IS WITH YOU.  Personally, I would have loved for Finn to be the main protagonist of all three films, but I appreciate us getting what we got, since we can’t get what we want.

Stuff that worked:

The Wedge cameo:  Yeah.

Lando:  Wonderful. His dialogue, especially at the beginning, does a lot to fix our view of Luke.

Kylo’s redemption:  See above re: Han.  I’ve seen a lot of criticism about the kiss.  I get the whole “female character’s purpose is to validate the evolution of the male” criticism, but I want to point out a couple things about this. First of all, it’s not a “Reylo” kiss. Kylo is gone.  This is well after Kylo is redeemed.  He’s been of the Light for a while before this, it’s clearly Ben at this point.  It’s also obvious Rey knows that, and like Luke forgave Vader for his abuse, she forgives Ben Solo for his.  So I understand also the criticism that is making people puke about Rey kissing her abuser, but again, Luke sheds tears for the father he loves, who maimed and traumatized him.  Star Wars is about redemption and forgiveness that accompanies it, and I don’t have the same issue with this.  If she kissed KYLO without him being redeemed before he died, for example, I would be disgusted.  This is not that.

The cinematography/pacing/story:  So many critics and the spoilers made it sound like this was a convoluted mess.  I went to see it with a non-native English speaker and neither of us had any trouble following the plot.  Yeah, a lot happens, but it all is linear and consistent within the film.

The humor/dialogue:  Felt way more Star Wars-y and better placed than the last two films.

The Jedi Helping Rey:  As much as I thought I would hate this, it was really well done, largely, I think, due to the foreshadowing during her earlier training.  When Palpatine says all the Sith live in him and we know what she’s gonna say but it still works SO WELL.  I was rooting for her and I’ve never been a huge fan.  But at that climactic moment, I was a believer.

Major flaws

Of course there are some.  For me the most major:

A Jedi Strikes Not In Anger: In every single lightsaber battle (pretty sure, I only saw the film once), Rey is the first to strike.  She always seems to be fighting from anger and with negative emotion.  This is not at all Jedi-esque and I found it particularly jarring in her duels with Kylo Ren.  This bothered me more than almost anything else in the film because it is never addressed.  She fights ANGRY and she fights FEARFUL and then somehow when she’s supposed to strike down Palpatine, she has it in her to resist.  This, above all else, makes me not like her as the “heir to the Jedi”.  I thought it was a real problem, and makes her ultimate evolution at the finale less convincing.

Rey Skywalker:  I get why they did it, but I stand by my earlier thoughts regarding taking the Solo or Organa name.  I have nothing against adopted families.  And I found it SLIGHTLY more palpable because since the Emperor refers to Ben as “the last Skywalker” and then since he transfers his entire life force into her, you can argue that she has “Skywalker” literally in her spirit now.  OK fine.  But I still don’t really think she earned it.  She came CLOSER than I thought she would and I didn’t ultimately want to burn down the cinema as I expected I would want to.

Force Resurrection:  No. Just no.  This changes so much and makes so much of the earlier films moot. Why wouldn’t Anakin just resurrect Padme?  Don’t get me started.

Other random new Force things:  Like Force Ghosts touching shit.  Yeah I know Obi Wan sat on the tree in Dagobah, I know, but we keep learning new and more powerful Force shit each film.  Teleportation of objects (that lightsaber?!), astral projection, rapid healing, and now playing catch with your ghost friends.  I get they are important to the story but it feels lazy.  But my exception here was Luke catching the saber because FUCK YOU RJ. 😊

Redemption=Death:  I wanted Kylo Ren to die for his sins too, but I recognize this strange thing we have going on in the GFFA that if a baddie goes good they die.  It’s the equivalent of the horror movie “fuck and the killer gets you” trope.  I didn’t necessarily mind Ben dying, but it seemed … lazy.

The final shot:  It was a mistake to even touch this iconic moment.  It wasn’t earned.  Make your own legend/iconic moment and leave my farmboy his.

Something no one can fix:  The sucky destinies of Luke Jake, Han, and Leia.  They didn’t live happy lives, they didn’t see the end of tyranny, they all died with only the hope of success.  I will never forgive the attempted destruction of the legacy of the OT (attempted cause it’s still how it all ends in my world), this disregard of the triumph of the Rebellion over the Empire, and I will never believe that the New Republic failed so completely and miserably.  Bring on the EU/Legends and forget this shit.

Final thought:  I went to this expecting the cinematic equivalent of a back alley abortion and instead I got what felt like an apology.  An entertaining and polished and sincere apology.  We deserved better, and I think the people who made this film realized that and did their best.  TROS had to wrap up something that was divisive and imperfect and misguided, and tried as hard as it could, in my opinion, given what they were working with.

It was a good movie.  Ambitious, with flaws, but I am glad I saw it, and I hope you will be too. <3  May the Force be with you.

[dexi-green]

Rise of Skywalker was good. Rant/Appreciation, spoilers ahead. Super long and rambling. This is all personal opinion, if you disliked it, thats fine. If you disagree, great.

First some quick points, then the longer stuff.

I loved Babu Frik and D-O

We finally got to see the Knights of Ren in action!

Also all those Star Destroyers?? Like those things are gotdamn huge... and that many of them? Actually scary honestly.

LANDO LANDO LANDO! LANDO AND CHEWIE IN THE FALCON!!

WEDGE!!!

CHEWIE GETS HIS MEDAL!!!

Also not gonna lie.. I wanted to see a gungan. Put some respect on Jar Jar. Or confirm the Darth Jar Jar theory you cowards.

We got to see a proper version of Rey’s version of Luke’s Dark Side cave vision (The TLJ one just wasn’t it for me. The mirrors..okay...)

Storm Troopers fly now... Did they steal stuff from some Mandalorians. Mandalorians are like..the only ones ever to have jet packs like that (that I’m aware of). Maybe the Mandalorian show will see some leftover imperials stealing Mandalorian armor, which they will replicate (obviously badly, because there stuff is no beskar).

I was so happy to see the interactions between Leia and Connix, because I just loved to see Billie with her mom <3 I’m so glad they gave her a role and just kept expanding it.

Hux... I love the back and forth between him and General Pryde, (I was hoping Richard E Grant would’ve played Thrawn but alas...) wondering who the mole is, and OF COURSE ITS HUX! Because he just wants to see Kylo lose. We love it.. I’m kinda sad he was taken out so quick, but it was good while it lasted.

How they tried to push Poe into some kind of.. not relationship, but not too subtlety trying to tell the audience, no he’s not gay, in like...just a bad writing way, like okay gosh, he’s straight (Also Poe was a drug runner...). That LGBTQ “representation” was trash, but definitely better than Endgame’s so-called representation.

I also wished we woulda got more (legacy) cameos, especially in the final battle when all the ships arrive. Maybe the Ghost Crew (I think you can see the ship though), or a character from the Mandalorian show (I was hoping for more tie-in’s in general (baby yoda), but The Mandalorian did sorta set up the force healing ability). My foolish soul was hoping for a super old old clone or a super old and scarred up Mace Windu, or just super old Ahsoka, but this film 100% confirmed no going back that they are totally dead with their voices amongst the other dead jedi :/ I can’t have everything and thats alright. I’m just glad they were in there in some capacity.

JJ has said that the thing Finn was going to tell Rey was that he was force sensitive (none of the good ships flew sadly imo) but that is still...amazing to me. I love it so much. Especially with that exchange between him and Han in TFA “We’ll use the force.” “That’s not how the force works.”. Hopefully he got or gets the chance to tell Rey because then she could train him and <3 Also I think that now makes it go back to no non-force sensitive people have used a lightsaber in the films (aside from Grievous). I loved the inclusion of Jannah and the other storm trooper deserters. Not only because of the kinship with Finn, but also... They are on a moon of Endor... So moon of the Endor system inhabitants, with slightly primitive techniques and tools and things come to help in the final battle? I love it. Putting some respeck on the Ewoks (also we see Ewoks?!?! Specifically Wickett <3) (Also I noticed a Fire, Water, Earth theme. The final battle in the prequels was in fire/lava. The final battle in the original trilogy was on the forest moon of endor, and while not the final battle, Kef Bir is the ocean moon of endor)

Palpatine doing what we all knew he was, using bodies to live through. I mean thats why he always had apprentices, just so he could skip over to them when his body got gross and weak, or at the very least work through them. I definitely wanna know more about the whole Snoke operation. We knew it was insane for some rando to be that powerful to be whispering and seducing Ben to the dark side from birth. And the cloning? like please, tell me more. I loved Palpatine’s exclamation of “Return of the Sith!” as an obvious nod to the films Return of the Jedi and Revenge of the Sith, but also the fact Return was going to be Revenge of the Jedi.

I LOVE LOVEDDDD the small scene of Luke training Leia. Yeah the CGI on their faces wasn’t the best but just being able to see it and knowing that he did go forward and train her as well as other students was everything to me. I’ve always wanted Leia’s force abilities to be more acknowledged outside of the comics, so you know I went crazy in the scene from TLJ (for multiple reasons). Leia training Rey?! Rey referring to her (and Luke) as her jedi masters?! we love to see it <3 Rey going back to Tatooine, back to the moisture farm (I could just hear Aunt Beru calling out for Luke (but also him calling for her and uncle owen when they got disintegrated..oop)). Calling herself a Skywalker, AND SEEING LUKE AND LEIA’S FORCE GHOST!! WE LOVE TO SEE IT (but hate it because it’s the end). THE TWIN SUNS AS THE SAGA ENDS WHERE IT BEGAN!!

The voices of the Jedi at the end?!? I cried. I mean there was Anakin, Obi-Wan (both old and young), Qui Gon, Mace Windu, Yoda, and Luke of course, but also Aaayla Secura, Luminara, Adi Gallia, KANAN JARRUS (who is voice by Freddie Prinze Jr. aka the best Fred Scooby Doo could ask for) , AHSOKA TANO!!! Nothing I want more than more Ahsoka <3 I would’ve loved to see them all show up as Force Ghosts at the end ala the ghosts of Harry’s family in Harry Potter Goblet of Fire/Deathly Hallows but I understand why they opted for voices only. Also no Ki-Adi-Mundi because while everyone was saying, “Rey, You can do it! We are with you!” he just woulda been like, “But...what about the droid attack on the wookiees?”

Han!! Han!! When he appeared to Kylo, after Leia pulled him back as much as she could, and Rey healed him and inched him further, and then of course, Han finished the job. Leia asked him to bring him back and he did in the end. The person he seemingly hated the most (maybe thats tied with Luke. I honestly would’ve liked to see some kinda of thing between Luke and Ben, some reconciliation). The famous Solo “I know” which we all know means I love you. like come onnnnn <3 AND Ben and Leia’s bodies becoming one with the force... but Leia only after Ben... like she was holding on, waiting for him <3 This really made me like Ben/Kylo a bit more, obviously the light side Ben more, because Kylo is actual trash imo.

I cried when Chewie cried for Leia. Her death was sad on it’s own, but Chewie just broke me. He had a happy family, then Ben went bad, Han and Leia split, and Luke left, then when he thinks everything is coming back together, He lost Han, then he lost Luke, now Leia? If you actually watch him he just collapses to the ground, throwing his arms, sobbing... AND HAVING TO SEE HIM IN SHACKLES!?!? And not like “oh we gotta trick these guards” but actually captured and shackled, After all the wookiees being captured and enslaved and he how he had to deal with that...come on man....

I cried when Luke pulled his X-wing out of the water. We all saw it submerged in TLJ, waiting for that moment when someone would do it. The fact that he does it, when he couldn’t back when it happened on Dagobah. It shows how much he’s grown, showed him stepping into Yoda’s role even more fully. He never got to leave that island in it, but Rey did. Plus Rey wearing his Rebel helmet like she wore the helmet in TFA?! Honestly... Two “nobodies” from nowhere sand planets who become the hope and saviors of the galaxy (you could include Anakin in that as well, but he just...kinda sparked the hope in Luke and was his savior so...indirectly the hope and savior).

The only thing I didn't like was the Ben and Rey kiss at the end but luckily it wasn't drawn out and he died right after. Cause you really expect me to believe that within the same movie of him pushing her to her limits and making her believe she killed a friend that she gone be like...oh but you still cute tho?  Also while re-watching everything and watching the prequels last month I remembered how Palpatine influenced the midichlorians/force to make Anakin in Shmi (it might not be canonized though, I’m not sure...). Obviously he’s not a biological father but...he is responsible...so that in a way makes him Kylo's grandfather in a sense. Rey is Sheev’s biological granddaughter so...big yikes. To me Kylo/Ben and Rey have a much better dynamic as brother and sister anyway.. I think a brother and sister bond suit them so much better. A rhyme of Luke and Leia, and the forged sibling bond between Obi-Wan and Anakin. It has pieces of both and would have been beautiful for it to play out that way. About Rey pulling her family in Ben Solo back to the light. I mean she even thought of Han, Leia, and Luke as parental figures... but luke and leia kissed so :/  guess just a family thing. 

Running themes in all of star wars is hope, family, and who you are. In this, the prequels were the darkest. They end in a family divided, hope seemingly lost, and giving into the worst parts of yourself. The original trilogy was about finding the hope in the darkest times, becoming more than you think of yourself, and that family can overcome anything together. This trilogy was about clinging onto hope that you can find and making it a beacon for others, becoming more than what you and others think of you, "subverting destiny", and the fact that family isn't blood, not always. Just because someone tells you you're a monster, just because you started to believe it, doesn't mean you are. Once you have hope you hold onto it with everything you have, no matter how many times you fail or slip.

Rey being a Palpatine isn't "the bad guys bloodline living while the good guys die out". It isn't about bloodlines. Sure Kylo and Vader's terrible deeds will live on in infamy, but so will the entire rebellion's. Instead of being like, "oh well by blood I'm a Palpatine so I gotta use that last name" she made a conscious choice to go by Skywalker, because of what the Skywalker family meant to her and the galaxy, so that their deeds live on and not Palpatine. He will become a bad memory, a scar on history, while Skywalker’s, the positive idea of them, will continue to live and spark hope year and years into the future. Her blood isn't tainted and her grandfathers nature isn't hers, if it was she really would be the empress on the sith throne after Palpatine's death. She would've took Kylo's hand and offers before. Its the same with Kylo. He succumbed to what Rey was actively fighting against. Its the idea its harder to be good than bad.

Palpatine's bloodline living on means nothing unless Rey decided to make it mean something. But she didn't. As far as I'm concerned the only thing the bloodline might've impacted is her connection to the force and how strong it was naturally (like Kylo because of Leia (maybe Han..debatable, i like to believe he’s a little force sensitive) and her and Luke's connection to it because of Anakin). Her parents also actively fought against Palpatine as far as we know, Luke and Leia fought against Vader like... To say oh your parent was like this so you are gonna turn out the same? Yikes. Also Finn and the other stormtrooper deserters? Literally brainwashed from such a young age to be killers but they said no? It seems like the theme was you can fight against your destiny or like Yoda said about the future being hard to see because its constantly moving so "destiny" is kinda just a trash idea, be who you are or the person you want to be, not what others tell you.

Also I see some people saying it destroyed Anakin's legacy, and I have to disagree. To the fan's Anakin's legacy was never killing Palpatine. Sure that was the action, but the act was saving Luke. It was coming back from the dark to the light to save his son and in a way, the rest of the galaxy, at least for a time, it was betraying his master. It was the why he did it, not the how. Not only did he save Luke's life, but he fueled Luke to go forward and continue down the path of hope and light as long as he could. Anakin's true legacy lives on in Luke and Leia and the Rebellion. Palpatine's return doesn't diminish Anakin's sacrifice. Because it wasn’t about just destroying Palpatine. Anakin/Vader's thoughts went to Padme and Luke, and the prophecy of bringing balance, he knew he had to do something. When Luke takes off his helmet when Anakin is dying he thinks, “The boy was good, and the boy had come from him–so there must have been good in him, too. He smiled up again at his son, and for the first time, loved him. And for the first time in many long years, loved himself again, as well.” (coming from the novelization of Return). As long as Luke lived, and Luke's legacy lives on, so does Anakin's and so does Anakin’s return to the light. Anakin's legacy and impact, the good and the bad, will continue. Maybe the people of that galaxy won't know of the person named Anakin compared to sith lord Darth Vader, but his impact will always be there.

Yeah they aren’t always the most perfectly written stories with the best effects and yadda yadda, I know there are some missteps and less then stellar things in this films, but they are here to entertain, and I’m entertained. There is probably so much I’m missing, and I really want to go see it again, and can’t wait till it’s out on DVD or streaming services... 

It was a beautiful film that did the best it could to end a saga thats bigger than anything ever, thats been going on for years, something that is unheard of and never been done. I just want to honor the history, the memory, and the work it all took. I just love these films so much. <3 Also, always remembering Carrie, Peter M. and Peter C., Christoper, and Kenny, and all other actors and crew who have passed who lent their time and effort to all of these films and this entire franchise <3 

[boobachu]

The T.C. rambles while watching a force awakes

Re-watching star wars 7 to see if out of the 3D headache IMAX theatre, if it’s any better.

I still hate parody Han Solo guy, like he reminds me of post-Black Knight Sonic the Hedgehog. Just really unfunny and trying way too hard to be hip and internet savvy or something.

I don’t think anything will change my opinion that he shoulda been a bit character.

I’ve decided to commentate the whole fucking movie so read on if you dare.

Rey’s making space bread. It’s very gross.

I doubt anything will change my opinion that she’s the best star wars character.

Oh God BB-8

HBomberguy ruined BB-8 for me. Whenever I see him all I hear is

L I T T L E   W H I T E   C U C K - B A L L L L L L

I guess Rey doesn’t like him either, I forgot this part.

I wish they got rid of the Dorito Destroyer.

Oh boy Darth Helmet is interrogating Lone Star.

Kylo Ren has the stupidest helmet.

There’s subtitles on this so I learned the guy’s name is Poe

RRRAAAAAAAAAAAA

Like Kylo Ren is really badass in the first half I remember this, like he stops a God damn laser blast.

Would you sell BB-8 for 60 meals?

Oh hey

Ugh what’s his name... the storm trooper’s gonna take Poe outta here.

You need a pilot. LOL

I guess Poe is alright, just his first impression was very dumb.

Oh snap it’s hooked down. What kinda name is Hux that’s stupid.

Ha hah shootin’ em down just like Annie in ep 1.

Get fucked command center.

Why do they still have Twin Ion Engine fighters?

I guess we still drive cars so eh...

Ah his name is Finn now, I guess he is a clone? or something?

Maybe they have multiple types of clones. I wonder if they still use Jango Fett...

Fucking proton torpedos!!!

Ah yeah I forgot Finn just wants to GTFO

Trailer shot. Nice.

Oh wait I can turn off subtitles. Good that was disorienting me.

And Poe dies... a great fake-out you thought parody han solo was a protag, but no this is the story of Finn, the storm trooper defecting from nazi hell-space to find his own life on Jakku or wherever.

He keeps Poe’s jacket for cover, very poetic. HAH

POE-ETIC God why did I hate this movie again?

If there’s a Kylo Ren, where is Kylo Stimpy?

Oh God Finn no don’t ugh drank the slop water ugh no why ugh

Finn goes to save Rey cuz white knight trope. Rey can handle herself like a ‘90s chick. Hey she’s a pit chick she’s got a staff.

RUN FINN RUN

Rey fuck taser what

Finn’s having a lousy life.

Poor basketball’s friend died. I feel like the story is rushing.

Like I expected more of a build-up not “SPIT OUT THE EXPOSITION FUCKIN”

Ah, storm troopers...

Rey doesn’t want your cooties, Finn.

Fucking TIE fighters fuck

Is Finn dead? No he just nappin’

Everything exploding!

THE GARBAGE’LL DO

God damn Millenium cheeseburger.

I can do this I can do this

HOW DO YOU FLY A CHEESEBURGER

Fucking karma’s a cheeseburger, that’s what you get for callin’ the SS you loser

The action scenes are choice

Ah Dorito ruins.

Oh I remember this part just

TIE DOWN

oh no Finn down

here it comes

G E T  R E A D Y

fucking engine exhaust TIOGHT

HARD RIGHT

WOOOOOO

Takin’ the shot yeah

Space

CHUCK A  SHIT

ohp

Kylo is Mado

NERD RAGE

AAAAAAAAAA

Kylo is such a 12 year old in 2003.

GIRL?! THERE WAS A WOM?!?!?!?!? XDDD fucking loser

pweese BB-8 help I dunno what I do

fucking lighter thumbs up

Damn Finn what a nerd. “Got a boyfriends? a boyfriend?”

oh no they got garbage dayed

come on Rey gas them gas them all

oh great it’s Han Solo and Chewie

oh wait he used to be Han Solo

What is he now Han Oriana? Whatever Leia’s last name was I never could spell it.

Damn buncha everything happens

Oh great it’s big eyed billy joe armstrong and his O-nauts

WE WUNT OR MUNEY BAEK NAU

oh boy more losers.

It’s all over for Solo.

Ah shit just unleashed things.

There goes the neighborhood just fucking angry meatballs of death AND HE FEEDS THAT DUDE TO IT

oh shit it quiet

Rey is allalone...

Fucking Finn I turn my head a sexond and the meatball caught him.

Get to da cheeseborger

“I never ask that question until after I’ve done it”

Just lightspeed dashed I swear he looks like british billie joe armstrong.

Damn giant fish thing on planet deadly pokeball.

Who is supreme leader he is stupid ugly stupid.

Oh his dad’s Han Solo wow way to blow it spoiler alert fucking why didn’t they save that for the end who wrote this crap oh he was a hologram.

Damn babuy chewie

Ah the new hope plot.

I dunno they twist it enough to make it feel fresh so eh.

Ah a planet of islands... the scenery reminds me of ep 2

“Did you just call me ‘Solo’?”

Women always figure out the truth, always.

There needs to be a han solo inspirational poster that says that.

A job? The fabled... job? You offer job?

Rey has a home? I thought she was just a wayfarer.

Don’t stare “At what?” any of it XDDDDD

Yeah this story feels like it’s going too fast like what’s going on.

HAAAN S O L O

Wait she’s hot for Chewbakka?

Man this band sucks.

Oh great fucking droid nark NARK

Weird lady narks NARKS EVERYTHWIER

Oh boy Darth Helmet is brooding.

Fucking Darth Vader. Kylo Ren is such a fanfiction.

Like, the idea of a warrior of light choosing darkness is something you seldom see done, but... eh... I guess? IRL kids no like most nazis are privilidged and a decade ago would be seen as nerds.

what’s this

what are you doing

The eyes of a man who wants to run

Finn need go bye-bye

Oh wait storm troopers are stolen, not bred. That’s worse like

Finn is really shiny there who does his makeup?

Rey sure didn’t care he was a storm trooper LOL

The screams... they becon me...

Finally a fresh feeling scene.

WHAT’S IN DA BOX

fucking lightsaber

T R I G G E R E D

Is she clairvoyant? I dond’t remember this part.

Is this special edition?

FUTURE

I like specs. She cool.

FUCK D A FORCE

Oh boy nazis

Fucking screamy bitch XDDD

FIST UP why are the nazis doing the fist up this is upsetting.

PEW

How does the laser split up into shit and what is this planet?

Like this is supposed to be dramatic but... you literally don’t know any of those people or any of those planets. This should have been episode 8 or 9 after establishing those planets.

 W H A T    A    W A S T E

oH BOY  Finn got da lightsabah

BEASTS

There goes that dump, way to go Rey it’s your fault I guess BLANKS

Way to kill that soldier

MURDER SPREE

Oh boy Kylo Ren, what a hoot that guy.

wait is this the part?

Han Solo so has the force like if his force3 ghost isn’t in the movie

YOU HAAAVE ONE

Han Solo what a goof

TRAITOR

M E L E E   B A T T L E

Fucking just like in Empire except it’s not Yoda hallucination probably.

Caughted

THE RESISTIES

The x-wing is still the coolest thing like Sonic knew that.

Damn Finn calm down it’s just a pilot.

Rey is in weird jungle o no

She just got godlike and Ren is gonna break that killstreak

MELEE OP

Fucking using cheater force

Kylo you sound like such a dork

That cross saber is still stupid where’s the minorah saber

Nooo Rey!!!

C’mon Finn melee them

fucking lightsaber the whole first order you can do it

just

throw it at the ship

just

throw

and the bad guys win

C-3P0 you mother fucker

Changed your hair

Same Jacket

I can’t believe Carrie Fisher is dead.

The resisties are kinda boring looking.

Oh look it’s Poe, he’s alive somehow.

Maybe the second time I’ll get the good explanation.

Oh no, there’s no good explanation he just wasn’t there.

L A A A A A A A A A A M M M E.

Okay we’re past a new hope kinda in empire strikes back territory and the ending is the last jedi. Like I totally get people being upset that this is basically the original trilogy in a nutshell.

Damn dead R2-D2

Wait C-3P0 has a red arm why

I wonder how many parents relate to Han and Leia because their son turned into a nazi.

Fucking Snoke. What kinda name is that. Solid Snoke.

Was Kylo Ren just staring at Rey’s unconscious body for the past hour?

I’m sorry he’s just not intimidating he looks like a cheap halloween darth vader

Then the dramatic reveal like remember when Darth Vader was so disfigured from burning alive?

Kylo’s just ugly. Like that’s it that’s the reveal. Kylo is ugly.

Rey/Kylo is like whenever a 4chan boy tries to hit on a hot youtube girl like your face just melds into the chair to escape his grasp like a cat that doesn’t want to be pet.

I dunno this scene is just so stupid cuz they both look dorky like this is happening at otakon

You. You’re afraid... that you will never be as strong as Darth Vader

BITCH GOT TOOOLLLLLLD

Kylo has a huge nose. Like he’s Lois Griffin triangle sandwitch nose

I like how Rey tries to Luke Skywalker the storm trooper and he’s like “Serious?”

LOL fucking just left

T A N T R U M   T I M E

and the storm troopers just turn around LOL

Okay I love this weapon like, it’s a combination of the star crusher and a vaccum cleaner from Luigi’s mansion. It destroys the star, but in the way that it uses it to destroy things.

“So it’s big”

Disable the shields... there better be Ewoks on that planet.

Seriously, what does Poe add to the story after the escape?

Damn leila and han... dum

Hey a woman stormtrooper, like just a white gal. I didn’t notice that.

Damn lightspeed their way in.

Hooooh what a landing.

...Han Solo...

That‘s not how the force works!!!

LOL

Finn just wants Rey. I can see why people would think he’s horny for her since that boyfriend line, but that was the last horny thing he said.

Fucking mad with Power, calm down Finn then again we all wanna tell off our boss.

Rey is gonna escappeeeee damn hang on the side of the wall is that a switch what

Rey just climbing that wall like a monkey.

S H I E L D S   D O W N

Fucking Han... is there a trash compactor? You dirty bastard

And here comes the interesting part of Jedi Returns SHOOTY TIME

A T T A C K   T H E   S C P H I N C T E R (that’s how you spell it right)

Oh I love the sun thing like, it’s a great way of showing the timer without a clock.

Oh look it’s Rey, go on and almost get shot to death

H U G

Escape now, hug later.

The cinematography is good I like the dog fights.

LET”S BLOW SHIT UP

I dunno this just really isn’t dramatic at all

Placing bombs, just like in Jedi.

Here comes Kylo

At least he keeps the mask on, like too many movies rely on faces.

oh light’s almost gone.

M A H   B O Y

Ah the stupid part

Wait is his name Finn too?

Like this woulda been way more dramatic if you didn’t know Kylo was Han’s boy.

There’s no music making this awkward and gut-wrenching which you don’t see modern mvoies do.

I’m being torn apart ;w;

What a bitch

Knowing what happens these lines are hilarious

Will you help me

L I G H T S   O U T

red

STAB, STAB, STAB~

AHHHHHH HOOO HOO HOO HOOOIIEEEEE

I dunno like, you’d think Han Solo being stabbed to death with his son would feel more heavy but that was just... nothing.

A S P L O D E

Fucking Kylo TEEF

Night time, being chased by a crazy dork in the woods.

oh here it comes

TRAILER FUEL

YEUR A MUNSTAH

REY DOWN

C’mon Finn

TRAAAIIITOOORRRR

MORTAL KOMBAAAAAAAT

Fucking melee battle

Just fueled by the rage of his fallen friend, the desparation of the sun dissolving he fights for his life against a wounded lunatic.

Okay so maybe that cross saber has a use.

FINN DOWN

grabby time

oh no

REY GRABBED THE SABER

ROUND TWO, DARTH LOSER

This is unbearably xcool

Time to shoot the hole... like in new hope.

This ending is just all three original endinds with new stuff

30 seconds

SNEAKED IN SHOOT EM UP WOOOOOOOO

JUST LIKE ANNIE IN EP 1

only cooler

KA BLOOOOIIEEEE

fuckin’ A

this battle is just like in empire strikes back

fucking planet’s falling apart so it’s better

A tempting offer

Who wants kylo ren to be a teacher like he’d be like a nun

W 0 0 T

it’s the comeback

don’t give the hero a dramatic pause to focus

B E A T   D O W N

the struggle is real

K-O

Take that loser

there seems to be something between us, Ren

Welp the planet is collapsing woo

Finn don’t you die, Poe is a loser you’re cool Finn

Ah it’s Chewie in the Churger

oh yeah han died like I thought it was han but no he died XDDDDD

GTFO

Here comes the sun doot de doo doot~

Epic

Now for the final scene of congrats.

“Sorry General, your boyfriend was stabbed by his son and then the planet exploded”

H U G

Poor Chewie.

Fucking Artoo what are you doing here.

Like, this shoulda been episode 8 here, it feels like it shoulda ended with han’s funeral and the map was the start of the next movie aunno.

And Finn’s tale of a freedom slave blowing up the nazi death planet comes to a close.

Wait is she leaving?

I thought there was a funeral.

Nothing?

Not even an F?

Yeah then se see’s Luke’s hairy ass and it ends so awkwardly like this movie felt like two movies and THIS SHOULDA BEEN IN THE SEQUEL WHAT

Whoever wrote this is an idiot, whoever directed is even worse.

ANyways my conclusion is that the movie isn’t horrible, but... I dunno it’s about as bad as ep2 tho that movie’s crime was being boring, this one was too much story crammed into a short period and ruined opportunities.

I might watch ep 8 but I just am not invested like

HAN SOLO DYING MEANT NOTHING

Like fucking handing him a lightsaber what kinda ending is that

R O G U E   O N E   W A S   B E T T E R.

The end.

[magnet-rose]

The Division Bell - Reylo Fic

Wasn’t sure if I wanted to start posting this here, but figured why not?

PREFACE: I am not new to Star Wars, but I am new to the Reylo shipping. When TFA came out I didn’t really latch onto a pairing, and of course now the TLJ is out I have seen what I should have seen AGES ago. I think I honestly didn’t believe that Reylo would ever be a thing because the dynamics of characters like that is MY JAM and so rarely happens when I want it to! So, that being said, I have never written a Star Wars fic. At least not one that ever left my brain (re: obsessed at a child/teen but didn’t know the wonders of fanfic).  So if I make inconsistencies with the canon (Legacy or otherwise), I apologize, also if I rehash stuff that’s been done a billion times I’m sorry but as of today I’ve read like five reylo fics!  I’ve been trying to read up on the back info on the Star Wars Wikia so bear with me!

Updates might be sparse (busy working adult, working on original fic stuff) but I’ve got an ending already in mind, so I should be able to push through until the end. Not sure how long it’s going to end up being but I promise to do my best and bring a good story no matter what.

Chapter 1 A New Machine  

It starts with a death.

High above the Endor moon a battle of blades and wills rages. The Emperor laughs as his apprentice attempts to take down his only son.

Attendant Snoke stares out from an antechamber, he had visited the Emperor to view the new battle station. The Emperor had been trying to create a partnership with the Attendants and he was here to see if such a partnership would be fruitful. He and the guards that attended to the Emperor the had been sent away prior to the arrival of Vader and Skywalker but Snoke had stayed just out of sight. The Emperor always held his most important apprentice up on a pedestal and he wanted to see this dark force user.

Then he sees the betrayal of the Emperor. Vader was indeed powerful, but he was also weak. He had been built poorly. Snoke looks for an escape, he can sense the movements of the force and sees this battle station is on the verge of destruction. Snoke steals out the back and flies away in an emergency ship that only a select few of Palpatine’s servants knew about he also brings with him the few members of the Emperor’s small ruling council. Inside the ship is everything needed to build the Empire back from whatever vestiges the rebels leave behind.

Snoke manages to rally the support structure and secure a dozen of the credit accounts of the Empire before the New Republic freezes everything. In the darkness of of a quiet corner of the the galaxy he begins to rebuild what the Emperor squandered. The Emperor got his wish, the Attendants would create a partnership with the Empire, but it would be under Snoke’s command, and not a weak human like the Emperor.

If the Emperor had taken the time to see that he had built his Empire on weak foundations then maybe he wouldn’t have died, wouldn’t have made the mistake of letting Vader get the best of him. But now, Supreme Leader Snoke, began the search for his own apprentice, someone to help him secure his place in this faulty part of the galaxy and give the Attendants their rightful place of rule.

As the years pass he keeps an ear close to the ground and hears that the leader of the New Republic is not only an untrained force user, but the twin of Luke Skywalker and daughter of Vader. He thinks and plans at first to go after her, maybe he can turn her to his way, but when he reaches out across the chasm of space he finds a steel trap mind and one that would not be easily molded. It might bear fruit in the end but it would take too long.

He’s almost ready to give up on that option when he sees something even better. Leia Organa is with child. He knows then. He knows exactly what he needs to do.

Ben is born into a happy family. As a newborn he is all smiles and strong fingers. His parents feel complete. He was wanted. He was given everything he needed. His family loved him.

Ben is an infant. Some nights he wakes his parents up, they aren’t sure what is happening, but they are nightmares that scare him awake.

Ben is four years old. They are having dinner when he tells his parents about his new friend Snowman. They smile and chuckle thinking it’s a cute name for one of his friends. But how could they know the truth?

Ben is six years old. He is sitting in the office of the school administrator. Ben is stoic except for the hot tears streaming down his face. He had just set fire to the robes of a boy who had been bullying him about his ears. When they ask why he did it, he tells them his friend Snowman told him to do it.

The school administrator is as baffled as his parents. There is no such person or child at the school.

That’s when Han and Leia start to worry.

Ben is ten years old. He fitfully sleeps most nights, there are always bad dreams, and dark whispers on the other side of sleep. That night something else wakes him: the sound of a baby crying.

He gets up and not hearing it again steps out into the hallway. His parents are sitting in the kitchen talking in low voices, but he can tell it’s not a happy conversation. They have been arguing more frequently and even though they say it isn’t his fault, the voice at the back of his mind tells him otherwise. He’s not sure who to believe.

He doesn’t see a baby anywhere and almost turns to go back to bed when the voices of his parents rise slightly. He tucks himself behind a couch in the living room and listens to them.

“...going away...”

“...again?”

“...for a few weeks...”

“...you promised Ben...”

Ben frowns and he picks at the bits of Chewie’s hair from the back of the couch. It always seemed to be on everything. His dad was leaving again. His mom always got really stressed out before he left and sometimes after he left too.

It’s because he doesn’t love you. Snowman says. Ben ignores the voice at the back of his mind. He was already thinking it, but the reminder didn’t help.

His parents are getting louder and he tries to hunch into a ball to shut it and Snowman out but they are both getting louder.

It’s only a matter of time. They both really hate you. They’ll send you away. Snowman says sadly.

“No.” Ben mutters.

“What happened to the job here?!” Mom is saying.

“He backed out of the deal!” Dad replies.

“You mean you sabotaged it!”

“What? No!”

Louder and louder. They can’t be free because of you! Snowman shouts.

Ben’s face is covered in tears of fear and rage he stands up and screams. The furniture around him explodes away, pictures on the wall crack, the light in the hallway fractures and begins to hiss.

Finally all three of the voices are quiet. His parents are staring at him and all he sees in their faces is fear.

Rey is born into an unhappy family. Her mother was as kind as she could be, but she didn’t want to be saddled with a child. It was hard enough to get through a day without a child to care for. Her father would rather do his few trading jobs during the day and come home and drink after. Neither of them wanted a child. Everything was a trade, come and go, ebb and flow. And while they discussed the possibility of giving her up for adoption, they knew no one would pay a fair price for a newborn, not when it took more work to feed and care for her than it was worth.

The father tried to find some hopeless rich spinster to buy the child but not a lot of people were willing to deal with dirty junk traders like them.

Rey is two years old. She’s been inconsolable all day. Something is upsetting her and the father and mother can’t figure out what’s wrong. They have been stranded on dirty sweaty Jakku for three months. Everyone’s nerves are already frayed and the broken ship isn’t getting fixed.  

Ben is twelve. The day that Snowman--no, Snoke--had predicted was here. His parents were sending him away with Uncle Luke. He tries to hide his frustration and anger but Snoke is always at the back of his mind telling him to put that anger to use so he has a hard time keeping the resentment from showing on his face.

His father has never been very good about emotions. But Ben knows when he’s trying. Dad hands him a little wooden box. “Your mom says you’ve been getting into calligraphy, I got this for you from a merchant on Corsica.”

Ben takes the box and holds it like a baby. It will become one of his most cherished possessions. But it doesn’t take the sting away from being sent away.

Rey is five years old. She is having a bad day. Most of her days are good, she’s generally a happy child, full of light and life, she’s even become the joy of her mother’s life in some respects.

But today she is feeling like the world is ending. She keeps hitting things and acting out.

“I’ve had enough,” the father says. “Plutt has agreed to take her in exchange for a graphene chamber and 1000 credits.”

“Oh,” the mother says. She feels conflicted about it, but her nerves are shot and she really wants a drink.

They drop her off with Plutt and take the money. Rey doesn’t realize they are leaving her until she sees them head for the ship but the man named Unkar Plutt is holding her arm. They don’t look back. Rey cries for them to come back. She wonders what she did wrong. The day just never got better.

Ben is fifteen years old. He has woken up to his Uncle holding a lightsaber over him.

Do it. You knew this day would come. Snoke says to him.

He opens himself up to the rage, he finally lets his anger lead the way. His own uncle was thinking about killing him. Bad enough that his parents had sent him off to this godforsaken planet with a dozen people he didn’t know. He hated it, he hates his uncle. He destroys everything around, the little hut that each of the students got crumbles around him and buries Skywalker.

The other students come out to see what happened.

“Luke Skywalker just attempted to kill me! We are not safe here. Come with me.”

Some of them try to argue with him. Some try to figure out what happened. Some try to say that Ben is the one at fault. Those are the first to die. Blinded by rage he kills one by one the other students who didn’t want to come with, and with the handful of others he steals a ship and flies into the waiting grasp of Supreme Leader Snoke.

As he kneels at Snoke’s feet, the ancient creature of a man stands tall. “Kill Ben Solo. He means nothing and is nothing anymore, but now with me you can mean everything. That is a mask given to you to hide who you truly are. I give you the name… Kylo Ren. Become who you are supposed to be. I will make you strong Ren, follow me and we will hold this galaxy together.”

TBC... obvs

Next chapter

[greed-the-dorkalicious]

So as some of you know, I’ve been working on chapter 8 of BLaD, but now that I’m working on the rewrite it probably won’t be finished for quite some time. Plus I have no idea how many scenes I’m going to have to change, and I can already see some problems with this one... A lot of it, if not almost all of it, will probably be scrapped. But I don’t want what I’ve already written to go to waste, so I’m going to post it here.

Chapter 8, about half finished, still labeled as chapter 7 in the doc:

“I want a TV for my room.”

Dio raised an eyebrow as he glanced up from his chair at Jonathan, who was looming over Dio with his arms crossed and lips drawn tight into a frown.

“Making demands now, are we?” Dio questioned amusedly. “And here I thought you were polite.”

“After everything you’ve put me through, I see no reason to be polite. You told me I could have whatever I want- except for, you know, my freedom- so I want my own TV,” Jonathan repeated.

Dio snorted. “Really, where have your manners gone? What would that little wife of yours say?”

Jonathan actually laughed out loud at that. “You’re joking, right? Some of the most vulgar things I’ve ever heard anyone say were things Erina said about you,” he pointed out bitterly.

Dio frowned briefly, looking grave for a moment, before quickly returning to his usual smug demeanor.

“Fine. I’ll see to it that you get a TV,” he promised.

Jonathan smiled slightly, nodding in satisfaction. “Th- Good,” he said, quickly correcting himself after almost saying “thank you”; politeness was a habit for him, but it was a courtesy Dio did not deserve.

Dio snickered at Jonathan’s slip-up, but Jonathan paid it no mind as he abruptly turned around to leave. He walked with conviction, not in the mood to be in Dio’s company any longer than necessary.

“By the way, a friend of mine will be joining us for dinner tomorrow,” Dio called after him.

Jonathan ignored the offhand comment, leaving the room without looking back.

---

Dio had stayed true to his word, and within a few hours a TV was brought to Jonathan’s room, along with a lovely wooden cabinet to house it.

“Alright, that should do it,” d’Arby declared as he arranged some cords so they were out of the way. “Let me know if you have any problems.”

“Thank you,” Jonathan told him. From what he’d heard from Jotaro, d’Arby wasn’t exactly a shining beacon of morality, but Jonathan still just couldn’t help but be polite to anyone other than Dio.

D’Arby nodded, and placed the remote on the nightstand before leaving the room, shutting the door behind him.

Several moments after d’Arby had left, as Jonathan studied the TV’s remote, Jotaro materialized in the air next to him. Though he did catch the telltale shimmer of light out of the corner of his eye, it felt more like Jonathan sensed Jotaro’s appearance than anything.

“Why do you need a TV in your room?” Jotaro asked, sounding slightly puzzled, although (as usual) his face showed little trace of emotion.

Jonathan smiled at Jotaro. “It’s for you, silly,” he answered with a slight laugh.

Jotaro frowned in confusion. “For… me?” he repeated hesitantly, confused by the answer. A TV? For him? Why?

“I thought it would be nice, give you something fun to do when I’m reading or whatever,” Jonathan replied. “And the only other TV is in the living room, and I know you don’t come out when there might be other people around, so now you can watch whatever you want without having to hide,” he explained with a gentle smile.

This... was surprising to Jotaro. Which was to be expected; He'd spent the past month living a solitary, hellish existence, with his friends and family gone. His only companion was Jonathan, who was nice enough, but usually busy with his own misery. Jotaro had almost forgotten what it was like to actually receive attention and care from someone else.

"...Thanks," he said honestly, feeling somewhat speechless.

Perhaps Jotaro's face showed more gratitude than his voice did, because Jonathan smiled widely, seemingly quite pleased with his accomplishment. "You're welcome! I hope you like it," he said excitedly.

Hesitantly, Jotaro reached for the remote, staring at it for a moment with a feeling he couldn’t place. Suspicion? Hostility? Some sort of vague feeling like it wasn’t real? It had been so long since any sort of positive anything had happened to him, it almost seemed like his brain (...his figurative brain, anyway) had deemed it a trap of some sort, that it was too good to be true, there had to be some sort of catch. The very concept of something good happening had become so foreign to Jotaro that it made him anxious. It felt like if he dared to indulge in a moment of pleasure, he would suffer even more in punishment.

“...Jotaro? Are you alright?” Jonathan interrupted, pulling Jotaro back to reality.

“Yeah, why?” Jotaro answered.

“Well, it’s just… You’ve been staring at the remote for a while now,” Jonathan pointed out worriedly.

“Oh. Uh, sorry,” Jotaro replied with a frown. What was he doing?

Jotaro shook his head in disbelief, and tried to remind himself that there was nothing wrong. As bizarre as it felt, the TV truly was a good thing- his and Jonathan’s only, not one of Dio’s shallow luxuries, but a thoughtful gift from Jonathan to make Jotaro more comfortable. The TV was safe.

With Jonathan watching him excitedly, Jotaro turned the TV on and began flipping through channels.

It took a little while before Jotaro found something he liked. He caught snippets of soap operas, talk shows, news, reality shows, cartoons, and documentaries, but none of them really caught his eye. Not to mention the language barrier; Jotaro was fluent in Japanese and English, and knew a fair bit of Italian, but naturally, everything on TV in Cairo was in Arabic.

Finally, Jotaro found something he instantly recognized: a familiar movie that was surprisingly not in Arabic, but English with Arabic captions.

“Ooh, this looks interesting. I wonder what it is?” Jonathan commented, watching the people on TV run around.

“It’s called ‘Star Wars’,” Jotaro answered. “It’s a movie about… Well, war. In space. Pretty self-explanatory. It’s one of the old man’s favorite movies.”

Jonathan watched the TV with interest for a few minutes. It certainly seemed fun and dramatic, but it was also clearly in the middle of the movie, so Jonathan didn’t really understand what was going on.

“Is that the protagonist?” he asked Jotaro, indicating the character currently speaking: a man with brown hair, a vest, and a gun.

Jotaro shook his head. “That’s Han Solo. He’s a smuggler. He’s gramps’ favorite character, he always used to say Han reminded him of himself when he was younger,” Jotaro said.

“Well, he’s certainly rude enough,” Jonathan agreed with a laugh. Jotaro, however, said nothing in response; he had gone quiet, frowning after accidentally bringing up a sore subject.

Jotaro stayed silent for several more minutes before finally speaking.

“He took me to see the sequel twice, you know,” he began quietly. “We were visiting in New York when I was 10. The first time, we all went- me, mom, dad, gramps, and grandma… He liked it so much he wanted to see it again, but nobody else wanted to, so I said I’d go with him.” Jotaro paused for a moment before continuing, looking thoughtful.

“...I didn’t really want to see it twice,” he admitted, voice shaking slightly. “I just…” Jotaro trailed off, unable to continue. With eyes downcast, Jotaro ran his hands through his hair, repeating a nervous habit Jonathan had seen him do so many times.

Jonathan put a hand on Jotaro’s shoulder in a silent gesture of sympathy.

“You really loved your grandfather, didn’t you?” Jonathan asked gently.

Jotaro nodded, face buried in his hands. “I should’ve… I should’ve said so. I should’ve been nicer to him. And mom…”

“I know. It’s alright. I felt the same way when I lost my father,” Jonathan admitted. “There’s no point in worrying about it now. I’m sure your family knows how much you care about them,” he promised.

Jotaro said nothing, continuing to hide his face as he tried to compose himself. Jonathan respectfully left him alone, though he himself almost felt like he might cry.

After a few minutes, Jotaro managed to calm down, and let out a tired sigh as he returned his attention to the TV.

“So, do you think you can tell me a bit about the plot?” Jonathan asked, seeing that Jotaro had settled down.

Jotaro nodded, and began pointing out characters on screen. “The blond guy is Luke Skywalker, he’s the protagonist. The girl is Princess Leia. The creepy looking guy in black is the main villain, Darth Vader, and the old dude is Ben Kenobi, he’s sort of the mentor character,” he explained.

Jonathan watched with interest, nodding thoughtfully as he took in this information. “So, is the princess the protagonist’s girlfriend?” he asked curiously.

“Nah, she’s his twin sister, although they don’t know it yet. Also, Vader’s their dad,” Jotaro answered.

“Hey! Why’d you have to ruin the plot twist?” Jonathan gasped, looking slightly hurt and offended.

Jotaro blinked in surprise. “Oh, sorry,” he said casually.

Jonathan shook his head in dismay, but nonetheless returned his attention to the movie.

“Woah, those swords look fun,” he commented in awe.

“They’re called lightsabers,” Jotaro explained. “Pay attention, this scene’s important.”

As Jotaro said, Jonathan paid close attention to the battle on screen, as two characters- the villain and the mentor, he recalled- dueled with glowing swords. Jonathan could hardly bring himself to blink as the lightsabers clashed again and again, producing brightly colored flashes and strange noises, and then-

“...Did… did he just die?” Jonathan questioned hesitantly, staring at the pile of brown cloth where the mentor character had stood. (From what little he’d seen, he couldn’t help but think that that character reminded him of his own old teacher, Will Zeppeli.)

“Yeah. It’s cool though, he shows up as a ghost every so often,” Jotaro answered, showing little emotional reaction to the scene he’d clearly seen many times before.

“Aw, stop telling me everything-”

Before Jonathan could finish his sentence, a loud knock came at the door. Next to him, Jotaro disappeared just as quickly as Ben Kenobi, while Jonathan sighed at the interruption.

“Come in,” he called out unenthusiastically. Of course their moment of leisure couldn’t have gone uninterrupted, he should have known.

The door opened with a creak, revealing, of course, d’Arby.

“Lord Dio would like me to inform you that dinner will be served in 20 minutes,” d’Arby announced.

Jonathan frowned irritatedly. Of course. Of course.

“Fine,” he replied simply. “Is that all?”

“Yes,” d’Arby replied tersely. He nodded his head in a polite gesture of acknowledgement before leaving, shutting the door behind him.

Jonathan sighed once again and flopped down on the bed, one hand behind his head. “So much for finishing the movie, I suppose,” he mumbled to the empty air, as Jotaro was still hiding. Knowing him, Jonathan guessed he wouldn’t be back for a good five minutes or so.

The clock on the wall ticked ominously, Jonathan’s stomach growled, Luke Skywalker screamed, and Jonathan groaned in frustration at everything.

---

Reluctantly, Jonathan entered the dining room at the specified time. Although Dio had said one of his “friends” would be joining them for dinner, there didn’t seem to be anyone there but Dio.

“Hello, Jojo. How are you enjoying your new TV?” Dio asked, leaning casually against a wall with his arms crossed.

“It’s- Hold on, you’re wearing that to dinner?” Jonathan questioned in disbelief, raising an eyebrow and wincing slightly at Dio’s… “outfit”, which seemed to be more hole than clothes.

“Yes, why?” Dio replied with a shrug.

Jonathan took a deep, sharp breath in as he continued to grimace at Dio’s outfit with a mixture of disgust and pity.

“You know, considering that is my body, I’d really prefer it if you wore something… More modest and less ugly,” he said slowly.

Dio rolled his eyes. “Oh, come on. I’ve seen you wear three shirts and a vest at the same time. You are not in any position to judge my fashion sense,” he pointed out.

“At least my three shirts covered my nipples,” Jonathan retorted with a scowl.

“My nipples are perfectly covered!” Dio insisted.

“Sure, until you move at all. God knows how you even managed to get that thing on without getting tangled up,” Jonathan said dryly.

“Oh, stop being dramatic. You sound like an old lady.”

Before Jonathan could respond, the argument was interrupted by a knock on the doorframe, and an attention-grabbing cough.

“Ah, Pucci! Good to see you!” Dio exclaimed with an unsettling amount of genuine feeling, as Jonathan turned to look at the newcomer.

Whatever sort of vile monster Jonathan had expected Dio’s “friend” to be, the person standing in the doorway was not it. Rather, Dio’s “friend” appeared to be a teenager, with short, silvery-blond hair contrasting against his dark skin, wearing what looked to be some sort of priest’s robes. He leaned against the doorframe with a slight hint of a smile.

While Dio and the newcomer engaged in some sort of conversation, Jonathan couldn’t focus on what they were saying. He was too shocked and uncomfortable with how… innocent the young man in the doorway seemed to be. This was Dio’s “friend”? A priest? And a young one at that! How old was he, Jonathan wondered? 18? 19? Perhaps he wasn’t really a young priest, but some sort of shapeshifter, secretly a 40-year-old criminal mastermind… or… something. Jonathan hoped that was the case. The thought of this boy being under Dio’s thumb was enough to make him feel sick.

“Jojo, I’d like you to meet my friend, Enrico Pucci. Pucci, this is my adoptive brother, Jonathan Joestar,” Dio introduced the two.

“I’ve heard so much about you. It’s nice to finally meet you,” Pucci said as he offered Jonathan his hand. He gave a smile that was unsettlingly warm- that was to say, it was genuinely friendly, which was the unsettling part. A friend of Dio’s shouldn’t seem so… normal.

“Um… Hello,” Jonathan replied confusedly, shaking Pucci’s hand with slight hesitation. What was the catch? There had to be a catch, right?

“How was the trip?” Dio asked Pucci casually as the three of them sat down.

“Oh, I can’t complain. I slept through most of it, after all,” Pucci replied. “I am pretty hungry, though. What are we having for dinner?”

“Steak and caviar, unless you’d like something else,” Dio answered.

“No, that sounds great, actually.”

As Dio and Pucci continued talking, Jonathan stared at them, completely slack-jawed. Their conversation was just so bizarrely normal. Civil. Friendly. It sounded like a conversation between an actual, real, ordinary pair of friends, and not a teenage priest and a hundred-year-old mass murderer vampire with a god complex. Jonathan had seen so many strange, twisted, horrifying things over his weeks at Dio’s mansion, and indeed in his life, that they’d become the norm. Seeing Dio, the devil himself, act so sweet and casual was far more unsettling than anything he’d seen yet.

Evidently, Jonathan’s horror and confusion showed on his face, as Pucci glanced at him with a concerned look. “Is something wrong?”

Jonathan stammered awkwardly, struggling to express his feelings in words. “I… you… I don’t-”

“You’ll have to forgive my brother, he’s been dead for a century,” Dio interrupted. “He’s still getting used to things and he’s a bit confused right now.”

Jonathan shot Dio an incredulous glare. “I am not!” he insisted. Pucci, on the other hand, had a more sympathetic look on his face.

“I understand. This must be quite disorienting for you. I’m sorry,” he told Jonathan, putting a hand on his shoulder in a gesture of comfort that felt, frankly, quite condescending.

“Really, I’m fine,” Jonathan repeated, but didn’t press the issue further. Instead, he decided to change the subject.

“So… Pucci, was it? Are you a priest?” Jonathan asked. He kept his tone polite, though he was suspicious of Pucci; Whether Pucci was another unwitting, naive victim of Dio’s charisma, or if he truly was of Dio’s character, Jonathan didn’t know. It was bad either way.

Pucci laughed slightly. “No, no, I still have a long way to go before then. I’m in training at a seminary in Florida. I only started less than two years ago,” he explained.

“And… how old are you?” Jonathan continued, somewhat dreading the answer.

“Sixteen. I met Dio last year,” Pucci replied with a smile. Jonathan felt his stomach drop.

As Jonathan looked at Dio with a wide-eyed, open-mouthed expression of pure horror, Dio deliberately ignored him. Instead, he turned towards the doorway.

“D’Arby! What’s taking so long?!” Dio shouted. Though he was only mildly irritated, his commanding aura made his shout as terrifying as a normal person’s rage. (Pucci seemed unfazed.)

Within seconds, the sound of startled footsteps could be heard coming from down the hall, and d’Arby appeared in the doorway, looking slightly nervous.

“My sincerest apologies, Lord Dio. The new chef isn’t quite used to the kitchen yet, but I will ensure he works faster,” d’Arby promised.

Dio raised an eyebrow. “What new chef?”

“If you may recall, Lord Dio, you ate the previous chef,” d’Arby explained.

“Did I,” Dio replied in an uninterested monotone.

“Yes. You did.”

Dio sighed. “Very well, but if the food’s going to take this long, at least bring out the wine,” he told d’Arby with an air of boredom.

D’Arby nodded and bowed deeply. “Yes, Lord Dio. I will get right on that.” D’Arby immediately backed out of the room, presumably to go fulfill Dio’s orders.

By the time Dio finished his conversation with d'Arby, Jonathan had- for the most part- regained his composure enough to continue speaking.

“Pucci, this may be something of a difficult question, but… Are you aware of what sort of person Dio is?” Jonathan asked cautiously.

“Yes,” Pucci replied. A simple one-word response, but unwavering, with a terse, brisk conviction that said he knew exactly what Jonathan meant.

[arielsojourner]

Real Part 14 of Luke and Vader Save the Galaxy. Every time I think my spring of head cannons has run dry I re-watch an episode of Clone Wars or stumble across some fanart or read someone else’s marvelous story and remember there are so many characters with so many stories to add to this alternate universe before I get to the end. This is a bit short but more is coming.

-Boil watched Waxer come and go from Jedi training (Jedi training for a clone! It still boggled the mind!) and every time he did, a feeling of disquiet rose within him. Waxer was never eager to go. He was never brimming with enthusiasm for what he had learned when he came back. When the other brothers they bunked with in the barracks asked him what it was like, whether he was learning to deflect blaster bolts with a lightsaber, and when he would be getting his own lightsaber, Waxer would just chuckle and make a joke and change the subject. Sometimes Boil thought he caught Wexer just looking so . .  so sad. It was really beginning to bother Boil. Had the Jedi told him he couldn’t talk about the training? Was Jedi training something horrible that Waxer never seemed to enjoy it? General Kenobi hadn’t wanted to train Waxer or any of the other brothers (and Boil didn’t like thinking ill of General Kenobi, he was a good General, but he hadn’t wanted to train Waxer in something that could save his life and others on the battle field and it made Boil furious). Was General Kenobi being too hard on all the clone troopers or treating them poorly? Was it the age thing that General Skywalker had argued with General Kenobi about, like being old made you somehow  . . . tainted or stupid or unable to learn about the Force? Whatever it was, it was like an itch he couldn’t scratch, a thorn caught in his thermals under his armor and he was getting sick of it.

One night, after lights out he got out of his bunk and crouched down next to where Waxer lay. He poked his brother in the head twice until Waxer opened his eyes with a sleepy noise. “Why are you always so miserable when you are training to be a Jedi?” he whispered sharply.  Waxer just blinked at him for a long moment.

“Huh? Boil–“

Boil poked him again. “You. Are. Miserable. Does it hurt to use the Force? Is General Kenobi refusing to teach you or being harsh or unreasonable? Is it hard? Is there something bad about it? Tell me!”

Waxer propped himself up. “Shh, no it is fine. General Kenobi is a fine teacher, so are the others.”

“Then why aren’t you happy? This could save your life. This could save everyone’s life. You could live through this war and– and afterwards be a Jedi. You have a future!”

Waxer looked away. It made Boil furious. Waxer had a future, an opportunity. Why was he acting this way? It made Boil want to punch something.

“How can I be happy to have this--this ability when the rest of my squad doesn’t, when you don’t?” Waxer asked back in a harsh whisper. “We are in this war together. I-I don’t want to— Can’t you see that– You don’t have the ability and I don’t want to be so different from you that you don’t want me as a friend anymore!”

Boil sat back on his heels for a moment, but only a moment. “You kriffing moron!” he swore quietly. “You think I care about that? You think any of us care or are jealous or upset about that? You can use the Force! You can protect us, lead us. A brother leading us! And why wouldn’t I still be your friend? I’ve put up with you so far! You have a chance Waxer, a chance to be something more!”

“And what’s wrong with who we are? I don’t care what the rest of the Republic thinks. We are the best damn soldiers the galaxy has ever seen! I don’t need the Force to be proud of that.”

“Your future–“

“What future?” Waxer scoffed. “General Skywalker and Commander Tano believe in us Force clones yes, but the rest of the Jedi Order? They won’t want us. Plus, we’re still property remember? I’m a clone. The fact that I have the Force isn’t going to change that.”

“We’re not property anymore,” a voice piped up in the dark a bunk away. Boil turned around quickly, eyes narrowed.

“Who asked you, Crys?”

“If you two are going to talk loud enough to wake us all, we may as well all talk,” Crys shot back. “And it’s true. I heard the Generals talking about it. Commander Tano just came from Kamino. There’re Jedi who went there to free all the troopers and cadets. They are being given a choice. They arrested General Ti and the Kaminoans. I heard it from Sketch who’s with the 104th and saw it himself. Commander Tano brought her in in binder cuffs for violation of Republic law for how us clones were treated.”

“That’s a load of bantha poodoo,” Gearshift snarled from the other side of Waxer, sitting up in his bunk. “There’s no way a Jedi arrested another Jedi.”

“Shows what you know!” Boil said hotly, “On Umbara, a Jedi let that skrag Krell get sabered and fed to a flesh eating plant!”

“Did you see it happen?” Gearshift retorted.

“I didn’t but Captain Rex did. I heard the report myself,” Boil said daring the other clone to dispute the word of Captain Rex, “and I saw the Jedi who let it happen, both dressed all in black.”

“See, it’s true,” Crys said eagerly. “It isn’t just having the Force, we’ll all have a future soon.”

“Huh, only if we live long enough in this damn war,” Wooly muttered from where he slept face down on his bunk. He raised a hand to rub the tiny scar where his chip had been removed. “At least we aren’t going to die of old age, instead we get to live a long, long time conquering and reconquering the same kriffing planets over and over again.”

“Look as much as I appreciate all the help, I was trying to have a private conversation with Waxer here,” Boil finally snapped. “Can I get back to that please and you all shut up and stay out of it?”

Muttering greeted his comments but the brothers backed off and rolled over to give the two some privacy.  It was a total illusion. Everyone could still hear everything but they would try and give each other the appearance of it as much as they could.

Boil huffed and turned back to Waxer who was side eyeing him. After several long silent moments, punctuated by a few clearly fake snores from parts of the dark barracks, Boil poked Waxer one more time. “You have the Force you laser brain and I am dumb enough that I am not going anywhere either. I am happy about it so you just Be! Happy!”

“This is you happy?” Waxer asked with a smile.

“Positively ecstatic,” Boil growled at him and then climbed back up to his bunk and laid down.

– After saving the Noghri, at Luke’s request, Vader had made a list of planets, places and conflicts during the Clone Wars where things had happened outside of the sieges and campaigns. The events on the list involved environmental disasters, famines, slavery or slave trading, and other criminal activities that the Jedi and the GAR either deliberately overlooked or hadn’t know about until it was too late to do anything. The list was very, very long. Luke didn’t know it but most of this list Vader had cribbed not from Jedi briefings (because back then all Jedi briefings were only about the war or why Anakin Skywalker had done something un-befitting the Order), but from things Padme had told him or said in passing. At the time, Vader had listened, but put any concerns aside to focus on the war and the “greater good”  as a “good Jedi” should. Years later, Vader had gone over in his mind every moment he had ever spent with Padme, every conversation, every glimpse. It was a kind of mental torture to do it, but Vader had turned it into a type of meditation over the years, self-flagellating, the pain and hurt of it fueling his powers and his will to get through each and every day. The side effect of this was he could recall  many of the humanitarian disasters of the Clone Wars. 

When Vader handed Luke the list, he had asked his son why he wanted to know when Vader had already briefed Luke on all the major battles and campaigns of the war to date. Luke had explained that based on what Vader had told him of Palpatine’s rise to power, among the many problems they had to tackle was the horrible PR problem the Jedi Order had and why wouldn’t the galaxy think they were to blame for everything when the were leading armies all over the galaxy shooting up the places that weren’t already on fire, or suffering from drought or cataclysm or pirates and slavers.

Vader crossed his arms over his chest after hearing that careful explanation. “Very nicely said, young one, but that is not your real reason. Our plans for robbing the corporate and banking guilds blind and ensuring that we own all the debts of the Republic is a better use of our time and resources to damage Sidious. What is your real reason?”

Luke ran his hand over the list. “A Jedi isn’t supposed to crave adventure,” he admitted to his father. “But Biggs and I used to imagine what we would do if we had a ship of our own and had the credits to do anything and we used to talk about adventuring from system to system being heroes. With a ship we could have done so much for the Underground. We could’ve struck a real blow against the Hutts. It was silly, but . . .” He looked up. “We have three capital ships and several cruisers. We have star fighters and an entire battalion. We know what is going to happen before it happens. We have a working mechanical knowledge 20 years more advanced than exists now. If we are really going to do this, if we are going to change the future, I want to do more than just fight in a war. Selfish and reckless, I know.”

Vader was silent for a long, long moment. How could he admit to Luke that he and Kitster had had the same dreams, made the same plans (he hadn’t thought about Kitster in years, was he still alive?)  But now thinking about it, thinking about the Zygerrian slavers and the other atrocities and disasters on the list he felt a savage thrill. Luke was right. They could crush the filth in the galaxy now. Vader saw no reason why he shouldn’t encourage his son’s plans.

“It will be some days before the campaign on Felucia will begin again. I suggest we start with the Tradoshan hunting islands where they kill sentients for sport,” Vader said. “I will alter Commander Appo to calculate the hyperspace route.”

[hopetwin]

tag drop ii

and i found love where it wasn’t supposed to be // right in front of me {re: caydren trecoll} im going to want you until the stars evaporate {re: poe dameron} we are warriors // following in our parents footsteps until the battle is done {re: poe dameron} there’s magic in our bones // a north star in our soul {re: jacen solo} cross my heart and hope to die // i’ll see you with your laughter lines {re: anakin solo} all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put us back together again {re: jacen & jaina & anakin} there’s a hole in my soul // i can’t fill it {re: ben solo} justice and vengeance aren’t the same thing // to me they are {re: kylo ren} dont worry mother // your daughter is a warrior {re: leia organa solo} they are valkyries / the battlefield is their domain {re: rey} taught me the courage of stars before you left {re: mara jade skywalker} everything could stay the same or we could change it all {re: finn} we took what the world threw at us and survived {re: ben skywalker} the pieces we shattered into can’t fit back together {re: darth caedus} a daughter’s greatest hero is her father {re: han solo} i’ve always wanted to know how a lightsaber works {re: luke skywalker} do not go gentle into the good night // rage rage against the dying light {re: resistance} you burn with the brightest flame // and the world’s gonna know your name {eu/legends verse} i knock the ice from my bones // try not to feel the cold {pre-tfa} there is a reason i’m still standing {tfa verse} name a hero that was happy // you can’t {tlj verse} i’ve been cold // i’ve been merciless {sith verse} we are the wild // we are the reckless youth {praexum verse} i have bars over my soul and something’s keeping me trapped {possession au} blood red lips and poison painted nails {vampire au}

[rawinternets]

Star Wars Episode 6: A rediscovery.

I’ve now reviewed Rogue One, Ep4, Ep5, all three prequels. It’s finally time to get back to the good stuff - Return of the Jedi. ROTJ is often cited as most people’s favorite from their childhood, but not necessarily on re-watch. Why? I was pretty sure I knew: it’s the shameless commercialism of the Ewoks, the derivative plotlines (another Death Star! More sneaking around Empire bases!) and so on. But truly, this movie is also very enjoyable. 

Upon re-reading my notes - there are far less of them, I think because I was actually into the movie again instead of analyzing everything. With Episode 1 and 2′s terrible dialogue and wooden acting and annoying plotlines, my brain was whizzing about, trying to understand just how these movies could be so bad. With Ep3, I felt myself analyzing how this film somehow *was* landing, and why it was different than the first two. With ROTJ, I got back to losing myself in the story, even though I was trying to remain conscious of the task at hand. 

While there are a couple lows (the Ewoks are mediocre at best as an adult-viewer, and George Lucas makes an inexcusable CGI addition to Jabba’s palace...), all in all this movie really fires. And what’s more - some of the most enthralling scenes in the entirety of the series occur here, and they don’t all include fighting and violence. I’m talking about the Emperor turning Luke. This is where the R1-4-5-1-2-3-6 order really works... we go from watching the Emperor turn Anakin in Ep3 right into the Emperor back at his old tricks with Luke. In both movies, the mind games and manipulation are really well done. I had many “Holy Shit!” 10-scene moments throughout ROTJ, mostly around the throne room, but prior to the climactic Vader redemption scene (which, surprisingly, was just OK). 

In fact, although this movie didn’t grade quite as high as Ep4 and Ep5, it has by far the most “10″ scenes, all of them (except “It’s a Trap!”) involving Luke and the Emperor in the build-up to the climax, when things are looking so grim for the rebellion and for Luke. Sure, I suppose I could have lumped more of these together, but each is so powerful on its own that I felt in the moment they deserved their own line items. 

Onto the scores. 

Average Score: 7.90 Standard deviation: 1.91

Scroll. 8. To the point and does the trick. 

Death Star and Vader. 9.  Beautiful new shot, with Death Star and Star Destroyer. The empire space visuals are so consistently amazing in this series. Great angry vader: “The Emperor does not share your optimism.” Great music. Great punchy scene.

Jabba’s Castle. 7. The big door is cool - C3PO sucks as always. Cool little eye in the peephole, and the big door opens. Pig guards are George Lucas trying too hard. Jabba is a pretty cool character. Luke wants to barter with him, there’s a little rat character that is fine, Solo is a wall decoration, and C3PO sucks again. Fine set of scenes. 

Jabba’s band. 1. George Lucas strikes again. He inserts a fully-CGI alien band, looking like a drunk person’s recollection of alien muppets, singing in a language that sounds like scat-man as a toddler. So unnecessary. Also, Jabba is rapey. 

Rancor eats a chick, Chewbacca, Lando in disguise. 6. I remember loving this whole Jabba sequence as a kid but it’s not really landing right now. The bounty hunter is Leia? Couldn’t they have sent someone less important? Han getting re-warmed is a cool visual. 

Han woken up. 6. Still can’t buy that they’d send Leia to rescue Han. Han’s blindness is kinda lame and the jokes are too. The Jabba sidekicks are also lame. Not loving this. 

Luke and the Rancor. 8. Luke falls into the Rancor pit and tries Jedi shit and it doesn’t work. But he’s clever and kills the Rancor. Pretty good job, pretty good scene. My roommate likes the crying monster. 

Sarlacc pit & Jabba’s ship. 6-8. Cool desert beasts, really cool desert ship. R2 as a cocktail waiter is funny. Luke: “Free us, or die.” And R2 shoots the lightsaber to Luke and the fighting begins. Lando cliffhangs, Boba Fett vs. Luke is cool, and Boba Fett dies an ignominious death (apparently in canon he actually survives). All in all, it’s a bit hokey and prequel-like, so I assume George had his grubby hands in here. Leia strangles Jabba, Luke flails away with the lightsaber looking really badly trained (in great contrast to the expertise of Ep3), and Lando kind of gets saved from the Sarlacc pit with a rifle. Some 6, some 8, hard to disentangle from my memories of the scene.

Emperor arrives at the Death Star. 9. Incredibly beautiful shots, great heft and foreshadowing. 

Yoda dies. 9.  “When 900 years old you reach, look as good, you will not.” Great line. Love Yoda - this version, not the Shaun-White-Parkour-Tasmanian-Devil lightsaber version. He tells Luke he’s not a Jedi yet, that he must face Vader. Not ready for the burden! Rushed to face him! Luke made a mistake! “Jedi strength flows from the force. Beware anger, fear, aggression. Dark side. Once you start down that path, forever will it dominate your destiny. Luke. Don't underestimate the Emperor.” Very good stuff from Yoda all around. And this part: there is another Skywalker!!! (but it never matters?) 

Obi-wan force ghost. 9. “Why didn’t you tell me?” “Vader did kill your father... from a certain point of view.” Luke must face Vader again, but Luke won’t... “Then the Emperor has already won.” And then of course... It’s Leia. 

Attack Prep. 7. “Many Bothans died to bring us this information.” I thought that line inspired Rogue One, but apparently not. Here we are again... a Death Star and a small crack team preparing to take it down. 

Emperor Confident. 8. Just another great punchy scene. 

Shuttle Tiberium. 9. Sneaking onto Endor to disable the DS’s shield... and we’re just like Rogue One again with the access codes. Vader on his Super Star Destroyer senses something... Good Chewy and Han tension. But Luke knows he’s endangering the mission. Vader is such a badass. 

Endor/Speeders. 9. The first thing I wrote for this scene was “C3PO SHUT THE F*** UP” but notwithstanding that outburst, this unique, gripping, and beautiful scene gets a great score. The Redwoods are recognizable to Northern Californians but few others, and as in real life, they are majestic and mysterious on film here. Amazing sound effects. The tension of possibly being outed by a patrolman is very high. Luke cuts off the front of a speeder with the lightsaber... so sweet. 

First Ewok. 8. Contrary to what you might remember, the Ewoks do not always suck. The first teddybear that finds Leia is kind of menacing. They avoid capture and make friends but it’s a pretty good scene. 

Vader and Emperor. 9. The Emperor is so damn badass.

Caught in Ewok trap. 5. More George Lucas Hijinx! Hokey. OK with Ewoks, not OK with C3PO becoming their God. 

In the Ewok village. 4. C3PO on the throne. Luke does force stuff. R2 shocks an Ewok and he does a stupid jump. Meh. 

C3PO telling Ewoks a story. 4. I guess the power of a story? They get help from the Ewoks. meh. 

Luke and Leia. 7. Luke has to face him. Decent scene between the two. 

Vader lands on Endor. 9. Beautiful shots here. Vader and Luke interaction. Search your feelings (again). "It is too late for me, son." Vulnerability there. A bit of foreshadowing. I like!

Shield generator attack begins. 7.  A little cheesy that the Ewok grabs the speeder and we do the chasing again, but I guess it serves the plot.

The rebel forces amass. 9. The rebel fleet is amazing. Very pretty. In retrospect (fore-spect?) the heterogeneous fleet reminds of Battlestar Galactica. 

Luke meets the Emperor. 10. Shit! Things sound very bad! 

Shield Generator Fail. 8. Uh oh! 

It’s a Trap! 10.  This all happens so fast, last two scenes and then this. Great music, great twist moment. Totally unforeseen. Admiral Ackbar gets his moment and forever becomes an internet meme and a real world reference. This space battle is intense.

Emperor turning Luke. 10.  Emperor seems to have all the cards. "it is your destiny."

Ewok's revenge. 7.  Mmmmmm. Actually not as bad as I remember because the Ewoks are a bit dangerous, even if primitive. OK, some dumb shit. Swinging ropes like tarzan, flying around with wings and dropping rocks. Self-hitting. Decent physical humor but also meh. Decent job with the emotional Ewok friends death.

Fully operational! 10.  Fuuuuuck! The Emperor is smart! Shit! Scene is a 9, but gets a 10 because of importance.

Luke tries to kill emperor. 10. Such a mindfuck. Pretty amazing.

End of the endor battle. 7. Meh. It’s fine. 

Luke and Darth fight. 10.  Let the hate flow through you.

Luke and Darth fight 2. 10.  Luke tries to hide and not fight.  "Your thoughts betray you. Sister! Twin sister. You have betrayed her too.” Stilted dialogue. Luke's love for Leia gives him power. Very much like Darth in the prequels. Darth’s hand cutoff. Fantastic music. Emperor: “Your hate has made you powerful. Fulfill your destiny.” He thinks back to his own hand destroyed and how he is like his father. Really great storytelling.

Attack on the death star. 8.  These visuals are really cool. But it’s a bit ridiculous to fly through the Death Star with a ship as big as the Millennium Falcon. I mean, the first DS was destroyed by a torpedo going down a tube not more than a meter wide... why would they engineer this thing to have a corridor wide enough for fighters to fly through, and right to the core reactor which will blow the entire thing up? 

Darth turns back. 9. It’s such a big moment, but is it actually well done? Emperor: "you will pay the price for your lack of vision." "Noooooo!" Hmmmm. it was great but it wasn't a 10. A bit hokey on the script. Why not cut the Emperor in half with a lightsaber? We’ve seen Jedi defy gravity before, why not assume he will survive? 

Anakin dies. Luke escapes. 8. “Take off the mask. you already saved me. Tell your sister you were right.” Great musical choices.

Han and Leia kiss. 7. Meh, it’s fine. 

Celebrations. 9. Good reunions and happy stuff. A bit cheesy but pretty good. 

Anakin/Darth funeral. 9. Pretty emotional. Pretty good. 

Credits. 7. WTF with this music choice. 

VERDICT: Things that will stick with me include: speeders, Emperor, and the Sarlacc pit. Speeders and Emperor are just awesome. Sarlacc pit was fine but memorable. This movie is entertaining, and yet, the most blockbuster-y of the original three, and that doesn’t sit as well with me at the end. But did I enjoy it? Surely and absolutely, yes, I did. ROTJ has far and away the most amounts of 9′s and 10′s of any of the films... only a few missteps keep it from being crowned as the best film in the franchise. 

REVIEW LINKS:

Introduction: Star Wars, a rediscovery.

Rogue One: 6.92 / 10.00 (stdev 2.06).

Episode 4: A New Hope. 8.00 / 10.00 (stdev 1.34).

Episode 5: The Empire Strikes Back. 8.00 / 10.00 (stdev 1.29).

Episode 1: The Phantom Menace. 5.00 / 10.00 (stdev 2.08). But probably worse than that, actually.

Episode 2: Attack of the Clones. 5.48 / 10.00 (stdev 2.07).

Episode 3: Revenge of the Sith. 7.00 / 10.00 (stdev 1.77).

Episode 6: Return of the Jedi. 7.90 / 10.00 (stdev 1.91).

Episode 7: The Force Awakens. 6.57 / 10.00 (stdev 2.01).

Episode 8: The Last Jedi. 6.31 / 10.00 (stdev 1.89).

Verdict: Star Wars, A rediscovery.

[obijuan-cannoli]

Ok so I watched The Last Jedi sunday morning and like every SW fan out here I have A LOT of feelings about it. Even if I rather enjoyed it, there’s still quite a lot of problems in terms of plot and characterization that really bothered me and made me question whether or not Rian Johnson actually watched a SW movie before or if he just decided to change everything for the sake of originality and shock value (he did).

So here’s a list of everything I liked and hated about TLJ, because I need to vent for the sake of my sanity (also, it’s my blog so I do what I want). Spoilers under the cut.

What I liked :

- the cinematography. Probably the best thing about the movie tbh. I don’t remember everything but here’s some shots are really liked : basically all the scenes on Ahch-To, the battle of Crait, the Finn-Phasma fight, the long wide shot of the burning Jedi temple, Snoke’s red chamber...

- new amazing creatures. Porgs are useless but they’re cute so I don’t care, I love them anyway. The nathiers and the crystal foxes are beautiful. My favorites are probably the Ahch-to’s nuns - I hope they’re ok since Rey pretty much trashed the place.

- Finn. Every time he’s on screen I’m happy. That’s the power of John Boyega.

- BB8 being the real hero of this trilogy. Please someone give those droids a medal.

- Rey calling Kylo out on his bullshit at the beginning of the movie.

- the truth about Rey’s parents (at least what Kylo tells her about, he could be lying for all we know). I really thought she would be a Skywalker but I’m actually happy she isn’t. I don’t think I would have liked the thought of Luke abandoning her on Jakku. By the way I really like that scene at the beginning when she asks Kylo why he killed his father, how upset she is over Han’s death and can’t understand how Kylo could kill a father who loved him when her own parents willingly abandoned her. She never had that kind of love and doesn’t understand giving it up so easily.

- Rey turning Kylo down in the end.

- Leia understanding she can’t turn her son back to the light anymore.

- pretty much every scene in which Rey holds a lightsaber.

- though the best scene of the movie is probably the one where the Supremacy gets cut in half at lightspeed by vice admiral Holdo with nothing but the deafening silence of space in the background. TRUE CINEMA.

- that cute (but alas) short moment between Rey and Finn at the end.

- Luke being a troll and then slapping Rey’s hand with that leaf.

- Luke being tired™.

- Luke kissing Leia on the forehead with that lens flare.

- Luke winking at C3PO.

- Luke giving this force projection a whole new look like the fashion icon he is.

- and Kylo loosing his shit when Luke appeared on the battlefield.

- Hux’s “do you think you got him?”.

- I’m still in denial about Luke’s death but that last scene with Luke’s theme song and the two suns mirroring Luke’s introduction on Tatooine in ANH... I was crying real tears folks. I didn’t want Luke to die but at least he had a beautiful death.

- LUKE.

- to continue with the soundtrack, John Williams re-used a lot of music from the original trilogy but I loved it anyway and I’m always a sucker for Luke’s theme song (obviously).

- also seing that slave kid at the end using the force, looking at the sky in hope while holding the Rebellion sign just made me so emotional. It reminded me of young Anakin in TPM.

That’s all for the fun part. Now...

What I didn’t like :

- the character assassination. I’m not going to go into too many details about Luke because I know pretty much everyone agree with me. Luke is a symbol of hope, he believed in his father and managed to bring him back to the light. Darth Vader, the man who terrorized the galaxy, cut off Luke’s hand (among other things), tortured his sister, etc. It makes absolutely ZERO SENSE for him to try to kill Ben (who is his nephew, keep that in mind), especially since he hadn’t even really done anything really dark yet. Running like a coward and refusing to help the Resistance when it’s on the verge of extinction doesn’t make sense either.

- also can we talk about what they did with Poe’s character? They turned him into a complete f*ckboy. He doesn’t listen to any of his superiors, even Leia who’s literary the face of the Rebellion and has been doing this shit for forty years. He gets A LOT of people killed by being reckless and never apologize for it. So I know it’s a complicated situation, everyone is on edge and people will die to matter what decision is taken but still. I really didn’t like this Poe, please give us back the Poe Dameron we all love in the next movie.

- Holdo. I only like her last scene (and her hair).

- Finn. Not really any problem with Finn’s character but more like the lack of Finn in the movie. I don’t know, Finn and Rose’s interactions are cute but in the end they don’t get much done. No time with Rey except for that last scene. I don’t know I just feel like we didn’t see him all that much.

- also I love Kelly Marie Tran but the character she plays is so bland. Rose is cute and all but they should have given her better lines and a better personality in general. 

- the fight with Phasma, which lasted two minutes and which Finn won only because she was distracted. It could have been epic, but no, Phasma was almost even more underused that in TFA. Gwendoline Christie deserved better.

- pretty much all the bad guys deserved better, even if they’re a piece of sh*t. I don’t care about Hux but he was made into a joke during the whole movie (the humour at the beginning between Poe and Hux felt so forced, it was cringy honestly). I actually felt sorry for Domhnall Gleeson. The only good thing was how quick he was to aim his weapon at Kylo when he saw him down. Maybe he’ll get some form of revenge in the next movie? I hope so.

- and Snoke. Ugh. What the hell Rian? Basically Snoke was killed off just to add to Kylo’s character. No explanation on who he is, where does he come from, how is it possible for Kylo to kill him so easily when Snoke can literally hear his thoughts??? Nothing makes sense. I do agree with Kylo getting tired of being Snoke’s disciple and trying to kill him at some point, but that was way too easy. Snoke is supposed to be a very strong force-user, logically he should have wiped the floor with Rey and Kylo.

- Rey and Kylo’s interactions. I don’t know if it’s because of all the Reylo shippers out here or because of all the forced heterosexuality we’re used to see in movies since basically forever, but most of their scenes made me uncomfortable. There’s actually nothing romantic or sexual about it, but it was still weird to watch. It was mostly Rey’s attitude that bugged me. I get why she was so nice with him, she tried to do the right thing and, with Luke refusing to help, she thought turning him back to the light would help the Rebellion. She never thought herself a hero, so she tried to make a hero out of Kylo. Calling him Ben to appeal to his better nature. I just thought it was a big change compared to the last film. Even at the beginning she calls him a “murderous snake”. Her attitude changed too quickly. Kylo’s behavior though didn’t really surprise me. He was manipulating her. The whole time I though about his act with Han in TFA, so to me it was pretty in character. Also with Snoke gone they’re the two most powerful force-users in the trilogy so their connection is rather logical.

- the moment their hands touched though. Was that close-up really necessary? Stop adding fuel to that Reylo nonsense.

- and that shirtless scene. I can’t even, It was embarrassing and unnecessary (as are most shirtless scenes... I’m not here to criticize Adam Driver’s workout routine).

- by the way I’m sad Kylo destroyed his mask at the beginning of the film because I thought it was a pretty dope mask.

- another weird scene was Luke and that blue milk. Who thought it was a good idea? I understand wanting to show us Luke’s routine and how he survives on Ahch-to but... not this.

- Yoda. The puppet looks weird, straight out of TESB. They should have used CGI. Or chosen to bring back Obi-Wan or Anakin.

- Leia using the force in THAT scene (you know the one). I should have liked it but it was honestly too much for me. It gave me Guardians of the Galaxy flashbacks. I understand they wanted to remind us that Leia is also strong in the force even if she wasn’t trained but... how the f*ck do you survive being blasted into space?

- general Ackbar’s death.

- the fact that pretty much all of the Resistance is dead, to the point that the Millenium Falcon can transport them all.

- the plot in general. From the beginning to the end of the movie, nothing substantial happens. The First Order is still there, still way more powerful than the Rebellion. Everyone failed at what they were supposed to do : Rey didn’t get Luke to train her (not really) and she couldn’t bring Kylo back to the light, Finn and Rose didn’t finish their mission and almost died because of it, Poe’s plans didn’t work out either, Kylo didn’t kill Luke and didn’t bring Rey to his side, Hux fails at pretty much everything lol, the Rebellion is almost extinct... And yes failure is a teacher and all of that, that’s what the movie his about (thanks Yoda) but here the movie is ONLY about failure. There’s no satisfaction about that. In generals characters make mistakes AND overcome them in the same film. Here we have to wait for episode IX to see if they did learn from these mistakes. The only one who changed at the end was Luke and he died just after that. It doesn’t make me very hopeful about the next movie.

- also WHERE IS MY MAN LANDO CALRISSIAN???

I wrote so many negative things it looks like I hated the movie but I didn’t, I’m just very critical because I love Star Wars and some characters in particular.

I realize from what I’ve written that it looks like I really hate Kylo Ren but I don’t. I like how different he is from Darth Vader. I like how childish he can behave. I like that, despite Snoke’s influence, he still has ties to the light and can’t seem to cut them. I liked his mask and his fighting style in TFA. I like how manipulative he his. And Adam Driver is a great actor. But I hate the idea of Kylo and Rey together, especially in a romantic way, and I’m afraid that’s where we may be going. I don’t want him to go back to his mother. I don’t want him to have a redemption arc. I don’t want him to be forgiven and to go back to the light. He had two movies to do that, he had plenty of people reaching out to him. Snoke is dead, Kylo doesn’t have anyone making choices for him anymore and luring him to the dark side, he’s doing it himself. He’s done too much to deserve a redemption arc and he DOESN’T want it anyway. I like him as a villain, he’s complex and entertaining, but that’s all he can be anymore. He’s not going to be hero. Having conflicted feelings doesn’t make him more of a good guy, it doesn’t erase all the shitty things he did and the people he killed. There’s only one movie left in the trilogy and I don’t see how he would be able to come back from that. Rey isn’t going to make the mistake of trusting him again, even Leia doesn’t believe in him anymore. And most of all I hate how many characters Rian Johnson butchered in The Last Jedi just to make Kylo’s character more powerful or interesting. Luke’s character was butchered just to make Kylo’s more sympathetic, Rey was too nice, Snoke too easily killed. And that’s what pisses me off the most about this movie. It could have been great if only Johnson cared as much about the other characters as he did about Kylo.

[hopetwin]

tag drop pt2

and i found love where it wasn’t supposed to be // right in front of me {re: caydren trecoll} im going to want you until the stars evaporate {re: poe dameron} we are warriors // following in our parents footsteps until the battle is done {re: poe dameron} there’s magic in our bones // a north star in our soul {re: jacen solo} cross my heart and hope to die // i’ll see you with your laughter lines {re: anakin solo} all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put us back together again {re: jacen & jaina & anakin} there’s a hole in my soul // i can’t fill it {re: ben solo} justice and vengeance aren’t the same thing // to me they are {re: kylo ren} dont worry mother // your daughter is a warrior {re: leia organa solo} they are valkyries / the battlefield is their domain {re: rey} taught me the courage of stars before you left {re: mara jade skywalker} everything could stay the same or we could change it all {re: finn} we took what the world threw at us and survived {re: ben skywalker} the pieces we shattered into can’t fit back together {re: darth caedus} a daughter’s greatest hero is her father {re: han solo} i’ve always wanted to know how a lightsaber works {re: luke skywalker} do not go gentle into the good night // rage rage against the dying light {re: resistance} you burn with the brightest flame // and the world’s gonna know your name {eu/legends verse} i knock the ice from my bones // try not to feel the cold {pre-tfa} there is a reason i’m still standing {tfa verse} name a hero that was happy // you can’t {tlj verse} i’ve been cold // i’ve been merciless {sith verse} we are the wild // we are the reckless youth {praexum verse} i have bars over my soul and something’s keeping me trapped {possession au}  blood red lips and poison painted nails {vampire au}

[hopetwin]

;; quick tag drop because tumblr hates me p1

and i found love where it wasn’t supposed to be // right in front of me {re: caydren trecoll} im going to want you until the stars evaporate {re: poe dameron} we are warriors // following in our parents footsteps until the battle is done {re: poe dameron} there’s magic in our bones // a north star in our soul {re: jacen solo} cross my heart and hope to die // i’ll see you with your laughter lines {re: anakin solo} all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put us back together again {re: jacen & jaina & anakin} there’s a hole in my soul // i can’t fill it {re: ben solo} justice and vengeance aren’t the same thing // to me they are {re: kylo ren} dont worry mother // your daughter is a warrior {re: leia organa solo} they are valkyries / the battlefield is their domain {re: rey} taught me the courage of stars before you left {re: mara jade skywalker} everything could stay the same or we could change it all {re: finn} we took what the world threw at us and survived {re: ben skywalker} the pieces we shattered into can’t fit back together {re: darth caedus} a daughter’s greatest hero is her father {re: han solo} i’ve always wanted to know how a lightsaber works {re: luke skywalker} do not go gentle into the good night // rage rage against the dying light {re: resistance} you burn with the brightest flame // and the world’s gonna know your name {eu/legends verse} i knock the ice from my bones // try not to feel the cold {pre-tfa} there is a reason i’m still standing {tfa verse} name a hero that was happy // you can’t {tlj verse} i’ve been cold // i’ve been merciless {sith verse} we are the wild // we are the reckless youth {praexum verse} i have bars over my soul and something’s keeping me trapped {possession au}

[hopetwin]

;; and part 2

and i found love where it wasn’t supposed to be // right in front of me {re: caydren trecoll} im going to want you until the stars evaporate {re: poe dameron} we are warriors // following in our parents footsteps until the battle is done {re: poe dameron} there’s magic in our bones // a north star in our soul {re: jacen solo} cross my heart and hope to die // i’ll see you with your laughter lines {re: anakin solo} all the king’s horses and all the king’s men couldn’t put us back together again {re: jacen & jaina & anakin} there’s a hole in my soul // i can’t fill it {re: ben solo} justice and vengeance aren’t the same thing // to me they are {re: kylo ren} dont worry mother // your daughter is a warrior {re: leia organa solo} they are valkyries / the battlefield is their domain {re: rey} taught me the courage of stars before you left {re: mara jade skywalker} everything could stay the same or we could change it all {re: finn} we took what the world threw at us and survived {re: ben skywalker} the pieces we shattered into can’t fit back together {re: darth caedus} a daughter’s greatest hero is her father {re: han solo} i’ve always wanted to know how a lightsaber works {re: luke skywalker} do not go gentle into the good night // rage rage against the dying light {re: resistance} you burn with the brightest flame // and the world’s gonna know your name {eu/legends verse} i knock the ice from my bones // try not to feel the cold {pre-tfa} there is a reason i’m still standing {tfa verse} name a hero that was happy // you can’t {tlj verse} i’ve been cold // i’ve been merciless {sith verse} we are the wild // we are the reckless youth {praexum verse} i have bars over my soul and something’s keeping me trapped {possession au}