#i'm dedicated to this project and i haven't got long left but.

[pinktinselmonstrosity]

started watching oppenheimer

[skinnypaleangryperson]

My heart is broken over this gray world and this life dedicated to slavery by selfish people who are just playing sheep differently taking control of me and paying me so little that I can't even have a decent personal life to make up for crushed creative dreams. I hurt myself with my own imagination and how vivid it is, the TV shows that I would have liked to work on an extended with my passion and ideas, the artistry the lights, the emotion the storytelling, the storyboards and the artistic lighting that I work on every day simply because it's all that makes sense to me. These images, thoughts, storytelling, emotions, everything where I pour all of my desperation of what I wish the humanity and connection that my life would have into a couple of iPad drawings every day in the corner of an empty bedroom.

It comes across as melodramatic posting about it online, but if you were to live a day in my life with having nothing except for my raw isolated imagination in such a repetitive, soulless, compassionless gray world, where I have no connection to anyone anymore, and no one that I can share anything with and convinced I will never have a true friendship or relationship with anyone outside of baseline tolerance at best again, on top of failed motherhood and a failed creative career, you would be crying out on the internet every second you got the chance to. I haven't wanted to live this life for the longest time that I could remember, and I will never want to again. In a sense, thank God nobody cares and that I can just post about it at whatever whim that I want throughout the miserable day, because this is the only place left where I can still feel somewhat human, and where I can just be as unashamedly detailed about every single depressed and morbidly despairing thought, share some of my work, even if it's only to myself just to prove that it even exists outside of my own sick corner of the world, and generally to feel seen for a little while, Even if only by myself, which is what me and the majority of people in working class America have, with no way out, because we're not "special", And if you have an artistic vision it will break your heart more than anything else.

I especially love this scene that I came up with it during my on maladaptive daydreaming lately with my family with BoJack and Samantha and Harper. The storylines that I come up with his family and with our girls are always incredibly vivid every single day and they both still simultaneously break my heart, because I know that the vision that I share in the passion that I have and my want to share in storytelling will only ever be an ongoing sickly headspace in the back of my head while the gray reality of a life that has long since over if it ever began goes on around me without change. The beauty of the family life that I wanted to have on top of the creative dreams that I have that has projected itself into the muddled mental disorder of maladaptive daydreaming of my beautiful family with Bojack both is the only thing that keeps me going throughout the empty slave hours of my life, which is so lonely that most people I'm convinced would not be able to live it, well at the same time fills me with such a beauty and meaning taking it in that I couldn't ever let it go.

[eschergirls]

Hi everybody!

It's June so it's time to give a site update and to thank all our May Patreon subscribers!

So, first, the biggest update is that I've discovered a lot of the Escher Girls Tumblr has been flagged by Tumblr as adult content.  I've appealed dozens and there's still more to do (the weird Tumblr interface means that I can't know how many I have left until I clear out the stack they give me).  It's frustrating because the flagging is clearly done by an algorithm that's just scanning the images for vaguely nudity matching things because this cover got flagged and I'm pretty sure that it's not because of Sue but because of Johnny.  There's a bunch of other images with fire people that are flagged for nudity too because the algorithm can't tell that monocoloured characters are not naked.  Sometimes it's even more baffling how the post could be flagged (such as the She-Hulk one I put with this post.) And the appeals are processed within seconds and seemingly rejected or accepted arbitrarily.  Given the speed that they're processed, I'm 1000% sure no human is actually looking at them.  It's annoying and I don't know how it affects the visibility of the posts, or if some posts are removed entirely without me knowing.

Stuff like this is why I decided to self-host and made a dedicated site for Escher Girls.  I know it's not Tumblr, but I encourage people to check out the main site (EscherGirls.com) because it's an archive that I control and can't be deleted or hidden by Tumblr.  It's also why I mention that Escher Girls has an RSS feed, so people know there's a way to keep up to date with posts outside of Tumblr (and previously Twitter, which no longer functions because they turned off API access). For newbies, simply copy and paste https://eschergirls.com/rss.xml into an RSS reader and it will keep you up to date on EG.

And all of the above is why I'm so appreciative of the support we get from Patreon & Ko-Fi because it helps pay for hosting and the domain name and helps us upgrade the site as needed.  Also, just personally, I appreciate that people think what I do is worthwhile enough to support. <3

As usual, I'm working on restoring broken posts when I find them.  Some of them I've found aren't just broken on this site due to the move but also don't exist on Tumblr anymore due the posts being removed due to flagging.  My major restoration project which took a long time this month was fixing up the WarTune tag, which was a lot of work but well worth it I think.  If you haven't seen the WarTune ads before, I encourage you too, they're... something else.

I also fixed up an old post about the original Elder Scrolls that I like because I wrote a short story as the caption (and I've now added a title for it). Check it out if you haven't seen it before.

Anyway, with the updates out of the way, I want to give a very sincere thank you to our May Patreon subscribers.  As I said before, your support means a lot to me personally and keeps this site up as an archive that Tumblr can't alter.

Thank you so much to:

Anne Adler Cat Mara CheerfulOptimistic Chris McKenzie Em Bardon First Time Trek Greg Sepelak Joseph Millman Ken Trosaurus Kevin Carson Kim Wincen Kristoffer Illern Holmén Leak Manuel Dalton Mary Kuhner Max Schwarz Michael Mazur Michael Norton Miriam Pody Morgan McEvoy randomisedmongoose Ringoko Ryan Gerber Sam Mikes Sean Sea SnigePippi SpecialRandomCast Thomas Thomas Key

And also a thank you to all of you who follow, read, and interact with Escher Girls and contribute through commentary, submissions, and participating in the caption contests.

You all rock <3

Ami

(If you wish to support Escher Girls, you can subscribe to our Patreon at: https://www.patreon.com/ami_angelwings or donate through Ko-Fi at: https://ko-fi.com/amiangelwings.)

[robobarbie]

I'm a little impatient (I won't deny it), so I need to ask.

How much time do you think is left until Adonia AI is finished? Or, if you don't want to answer that, how long have you gotten into the game so far?

-🌱🫖

we got a long way to go. mostly because we are all working on this project in our free time, but not dedicating all of our free time to it so we can still enjoy life etc. If the stars align it will be out early 2024, but that's not a guarantee

BP was able to be finished fast because we lived and breathed it for 2 full months (and got pretty sick because of it). AAI has been in actual development forrrrr almost a year now, but there have been several month-long breaks where we haven't touched it for one reason or another.

But, it's going!

[wizard-laundry]

I absolutely ADORE the way your draw gaster he is so fun!! Do you have any personal gaster headcanons?

he likes fried rice

fr though, my thoughts on his character are kinda scattered (much like his own lmao GOTTEM)

The thing I love about Gaster as a character is—given that we know next to nothing about him via canon—the variety of fan interpretations made available in place of said canon material is absolutely incredible.

Generally I interpret his character as more of a jokester with social anxiety that is too smart for his own good. I don’t really see him as some conniving super-genius devoid of empathy, though I do think that he would conduct ethically gray experiments... but in the kindest way possible (i.e., he won’t be cruel when doing shady shit, but he will absolutely do shady shit to benefit the underground). I’d like to believe that he would work himself into the dirt if it meant that he could help make life more bearable for everyone in the Underground, especially if what he was doing would directly benefit his family.

Speaking of which, I think that he has a familial bond with Sans and Papyrus. My favorite interpretation places Gaster as a third brother (whether he or Sans is older depends on the vibes you want to portray I guess), however I do love a good father/grandfather Gaster narrative as well… really I just enjoy the idea of the three of them being a family.

My other thoughts regarding life in the underground, and his, Sans, and Papyrus’ place in it aren’t fully fleshed out yet. I’m still playing around with the idea of them all working together on the CORE/other projects (as was vaguely suggested in this pic I did of them)... generally speaking though, they are a family of talented individuals whose intellects—when combined—are capable of incredible things.

here are some little selfish hcs tho for (brother) gaster specifically:

loves having competitions between the three of them for the most ridiculous shit

he can only cook eggs well, anything else is a no-go

definitely a romantic guy, but perhaps demisexual/asexual? Loves the theater of romance.

he's very shy around strangers, and a bit of a hermit... though he can fake confidence when absolutely necessary (e.g., giving a presentation on some project he wants funding for, he will need a week to recuperate afterwards).

around the people he's comfortable with however he is an absolute goof. He loves to be dramatic, has a tendency for mischief, but he is ultimately a sweetheart.

he has an enormous collection of mugs. not because he enjoys mugs, but because he will finish his drink and forget to take the mug with him when going to get a new one. instead of trying to be better about remembering to take the thing with him for refills, he buys more mugs. the current record for mugs forgotten and left on his desk is 27. There is an entire hutch dedicated to his mugs.

neurotypical status set to False (prone to bouts of depression/mania when experiencing long-term stress)

this is all i've got rn cause my mind is absolute mush, I haven't slept well for two days lmao (please pardon any typos)

also thank you and i'm glad you like how I draw gaster, I enjoy drawing him in a way that lets his goof shine

[vilelittlecritter]

Okay so I'm seeing a dozen different au's of omori and I ended up kinda brainstorming one in the shower and Ima just throw it out there because why not.

This does contain kind of Omori spoilers so if you haven't finished the game probably best not to read this.

The au is honestly pretty bare bones, it's essentially omoriboy with the plot beats of omori and Scott Pilgrim I guess??? It'll make more sense why I say Scott Pilgrim once I've actually got a good idea of what I'm thinking of but just bear with me.

Okay so the whole plot goes that Mari and Sunny DIDN'T meet any of the faraway friends (at least for now) and the both of them became incredibly reclusive. Mari being Sunny's only real friend and almost parental figure spent almost all her time keeping him safe and comforted, their parents often got into fights and their father as usual in headcanons/au's is absolutely awful berating Mari constantly and Mari having to take blows for Sunny and get into screaming matches to defend him. This pressure alongside the pressure of good grades and such becomes too much for Mary and she either

1. Actually hangs herself which causes their father to finally pack his crap and leave but leaving Sunny alone and feeling guilty (I don't think I'll go down this route unless I can expand upon it enough that it makes sense for Mari to do this as you know suicide is pretty damn serious and I don't want to use it as a dumb plot device)

2. After some sort of fight their Dad leaves but the damage is done as Mari falls into a deep depression and Sunny is left feeling hopeless to helping her as he doesn't know how to and their mother isn't exactly helping (not out of malice but she most likely is struggling severely aswell and doesn't know what to do). Sunny does try to help Mari by going out to get stuff for her, doing activities with her and overall trying to keep her happy however none of these have ever been a permanent fix which leaves Sunny giving up hope over time.

Route 2 seems the most likely as having Mari live is always a neat concept as well as I enjoy the role swap of Mari being Sunny's carer to Sunny trying to be Mari's the best he can.

Okay onto the main boy himself, Sunny. Sunny in this is mentally ALOT better than the original Sunny but still has a lot of issues, fear, anxiety, autism, trauma. It's all there but toned down to where he's able to function a lot better. A majority of his anxiety comes from his crippling loneliness from not having any friends as well as fear over leaving Mari alone for too long. Sunny in this although quiet is a lot more chatty, think about the original Omoriboy for an idea. In this I also imagine that Sunny is in fact the creator of captain SpaceBoy! In this au SpaceBoy is a character Sunny made as a comic to keep him distracted and have a passion project to try and enjoy which he really does!! Also this isn't just a fun detail this is important as Sunny dedicates a lot of time to this comic, moments from Sunny's life directly affect the comic and Sunny submits his comics often to either a local writers group or local competitions; not for prizes but just to share his work. I might tweak the idea of Sunny submitting his comic to local clubs a bit to make it make a little more sense but I plan for Sunny writing captain SpaceBoy to be the main reason he meets a certain someone ;)

That's about as far as I've thought but if I come up with any more ideas I'll share them.

I've got some loose ideas of headspace and the friends but they're not very clear the now.

Also Omori is non existent in this au with Sunny being the one to explore his Dreamworld. He may show up as something else but It's Sunny exploring his dreams in this.

This Au is far more light hearted and comedic than regular Omori as if I do continue with this I want it just to be a silly little thing to play about with. It's still sad but not base game Omori sad. It'll mainly just be Sunny living his life and coming out of his shell and hopefully bringing Mari with him.

[pancakeke]

How were you able to get into so many different crafts? Do you have a dedicated craft room? (Ur entire setup is aspirational to me as a college student!)

I have an office that has become my craft room!! My computer is in there and I work from home so I work in there too, but most of the space is dedicated to different tools/workspaces.

MESSY but here's the majority of my office. I have 3 desks in a big C shape. The left desk has all my sewing stuff, middle has my cricut and computer, then right has all my resin casting stuff and little SLA 3D printer. There's a paper drying station above it that I made from vinyl record racks mounted sideways lol

Off to the far left you can see part of an enormous shelf where I store other tools abd materials (keyboard building stuff, rug making stuff, knitting machine, spray paints, bulky sewing materials, dremel kit, serger, regular printer, sewing patterns, unfinished sewing projects, my old sewing machine, packaging for my store, god what else...)

If you want to get into a lot of hobbies it will seem really daunting with how many tools you need to buy, but realistically you shouldn't expect to get everything you want/need all at once. (DON'T get into leathercraft unless you can buy a lot of stuff immediately btw)

I started just with sewing years ago. The sewing machine I had was a tiny little Kenmore my mom got me for Christmas when I was in 5th or 6th grade. I stuck with that for a long time while slowly picking up more stuff.

Second hand is the best way to go for getting new tools when you join a hobby. Ebay is ok but people will try to rip you off sometimes. Shopgoodwill randomly has amazing deals on equipment. I you can get lucky with them for sergers and sewing machines if you're ok waiting around for specific models or buying older models that are available.

Joann Fabrics has great sales every so often on various sewing machines, but I've become partial to Ken's Sewing Center because they carry refurbished items with pretty decent discounts. Costco also has sewing machine deals but I haven't explored that option super well. Heads up though sewing machine and the like prices have gone up a lot the past 2 years :/

My knitting machine I got for an AMAZING deal on eBay because it was from an estate sale (like $100 shipped, which is nuts), and the serger I'm "borrowing" from my sister. Also I got a TON of knitting needles and crochet hooks from goodwill once for next to nothing.

Being buddies with boomers can get you cheap or free tools too. My stepdad gave me a dremel he never used and also a hot knife that I have somewhere. Also keep your ideal purchases in mind and watch out for sales rather than impulse buying. My 3D printer was on sale for $100 from $150 so that guy wasn't too costly.

Um I kind of went off here lol but just keep a list of what interests you and have patience and you can build up a mighty collection of tools. Just be careful because space becomes a premium after a while :')

As for actually getting into different crafts, I like to see what other artists are making and watch tutorial videos for random stuff to see if the craft seems fun. and like 99% of the time whatever the thing is does seem super fun to me. it's especially interesting when a new craft is something I can incorporate with a craft I already know to expand upon a skill I already have.

This is why I love when my friends show off their art and why I set up a discord for sharing your art. It's so inspiring just to be around other artists and bounce ideas around with them!!

I think the only craft that's ever turned me off though was macrame because you have to be ORGANIZED to do that and omg I am not.

[ace-malarky]

ok! nano project time! are we still doing comic sans powerpoints and do I actually care

it's mostly words like. I don't really do pictures and you should know this by now.

... did I mention anywhere that Selene and Solaris are dual viewpoints or did I just say "hey here are two protags"

smooth

I'm not editing it again

Anyhow yeah Soul of the Party! I'm slightly hype for this thing! If you want on some sort of taglist for updates which I am fully planning on doing through the month. Let me know. There are bits and pieces under either "The Soul of the Party" or "Dichotomy" tags because I haven't fully swapped them over yet.

I may also be doing some writing streams on twitch over the weekends if you wanna hang out there? idk. We'll see how it goes.

I am also SCMalarky over on the Nano site if we aren't already following each other over there <3

oh wait. picrews used; baydew's, androgynous, poicon, character maker, and kahuna929, and of course Elise was drawn by @loopyhoopywrites bc that's rad af and also from this wip hehe

image description for all of them under the cut! (it got long I am so sorry there are so many words on this thing)

a series of powerpoint slides, all white backgrounds with comic sans font.

slide one; The Soul of the Party (formerly known as Dichotomy) [line break, smaller font] (I just thought it was a rad word. It sort of fit) [line break, smaller font] Sir is that a pun in the title [line break] Yes? Maybe what of it [line break] Goddammit Ace I thought you were better than this [line break] No you didn't <3

slide two; Can I get a Uhhhh fucken plot? [line break, smaller font] God you and me both buddy

crime [in all caps]

Theft. Theft is happening

It looks as though people are stealing from their own houses, but they have no memory of the act

It's been going on for a while. Local authorities have no clue

Dedicated task force are brought in to look into it because of the annual summer tournament going on

Solaris was coming to stay so he could enter the tournament, but Selene's parents decide that isn't safe

He and Selene decide to investigate instead, because that's perfectly safe

Most of everyone gets dragged along in their wake

The Magic Thieves are here for their own Crimes, but UHOH they're the target for these ones

slide three; So basically [in all caps]

The Soul Mages would like their fucked up experiment back, thanks

Elise has a Green Witch's soul stuck in her body as well. It's a time-share thing

The Soul Mages were the ones to stabilies it, but they weren't too happy when said Green Witch broke them free

The Soul Mages know she's with the Magic Thieves bc. Well. Someone had to work it out? Elise's soul buddy has a Very Distinctive MO

It's called destroying the fuck out of everything

Elise's Soul Buddy is not very nice

So they go on a magical crime spree

enact a lot of crime that looks like the Magic Thieves.

Count on them coming in to see who's stepping on their toes

Take Elise back

(for the record, Elise saw this coming)

What could possibly go wrong?

one nosey motherfucker and her friends, that's what

Slide four: The Protagonists

image one; a digital image of a white girl with brown shoulder length hair, gold hooped earrings, and a flower tucked behind her left ear. She's wearing a pink top with white edging, and a sheer gold shawl, and a red pendant. She's smiling.

Selene Taskeral

She/her

The young lady of the house

Curious to a fault

Investigating amongst the nobles

Knows her way around a sword

Image two; a digital image of a white boy with brown hair tied up in a bun, with thick strands falling over either side of his face. He's wearing a green poloneck under a black coat with a heavy fur collar. He's smiling slightly.

Solaris Taskeral

He/him

The out-of-town cousin

Investigating in the streets

Doesn't always think decisions through

A distinct lack of self-preservation

They share a secret!! The family is in on it! It's a surprise for later :3

Slide five; The Noble Team

image one; a digital image of a white girl with blonde hair tied back in a plait. She has a gold wreath of leaves placed on her head and is wearing a blue tunic with a gold collar and a gold cloak clasped over her shoulder, with gold droplet earrings. There are sparkles in the space about her. She has an open, almost innocent expression.

Abigail Gaulivant

She/her

Selene's best friend

Local gossip

butter wouldn't melt in her mouth

Has a crush on Saro

image two; a digital image of a white boy with short, slightly scruffy brown hair. He has round glasses and is wearing a red tshirt under a black jacket. He looks despairing.

Saro Taskeral

He/him

Selene's older brother

Tired

The sensible one

Protective of Selene

Image three; a digital image of a white girl with long red hair tied back in a ponytail that is swept to the left. She has freckles scattered across her face. She is wearing a black and dark grey tanktop and a gold pendant. She is grinning and has one eyebrow raised, and there is a small speech bubble leading to her with an exclamation mark in it, against a green background with a lighter green circle.

Llinos ferch Rhydderch

She/her

Feral mage; unbonded

Hired to keep an eye on Selene

Archer, handy with a dagger

Tumbled to Selene's secret within minutes of meeting her

Slide six; The Street Team

Image one; a Heroforge figurine of a cat person with light yellow fur and black spots, with black tips to his ears. He's wearing red-brown leather armour and a dark brown cloak flowing back over his shoulders. He has a sword at his side and is stepping forward with one hand outstretched in a welcoming gesture.

Jasper sa Adrassa

He/him

Feral mage; lynx (fire)

Was looking for some peace and quiet gdi now he has to babysit some kids

Image two; a Heroforge figurine of a fox person with black fur and white tips to his ears and eyebrows. He's wearing a warm yellow and orange shirt and trousers under a green waistcoat. In one hand he holds a slingshot, and his other is held across his waist.

Tadg ap Saril

He/him

Feral mage; fox

Tamhas' twin

A Gentleman(tm)

Plagues Jasper

Image three; a Heroforge figurine of a fox person with pale sandy fur, though his throat, hands, legs and ears are all black. He's wearing an open dark green shirt with yellow cuffs, a low brown corset with blue string over dark green trousers with a yellow sash. He stands at the ready with a pouch in one hand.

Tamhas ap Liram

He/him

Feral mage; fox

Llinos' brother

A Menace(tm)

Plagues Jasper

Image four; a heroforge figurine of a bird person with black feathers and red scaling on her feet. She's wearing a green gilet over a red shirt and yellow trousers that only reach her knees. She has a large sword attached to her back and holds a ukulele ready to play

Kaua

She/her

Feral mage; raven (speech)

Local bardcore lesbian

Dating Llinos

Pintsize badass

[in smaller font] Also plagues Jasper

Slide seven; The Magic Thieves

(... not the actual thieves this time)

Image one; a digital drawing of a white woman in a purple edwardian dress that has large puffs for sleeves over her upper arms. She has blonde hair tied up behind her head, with some strands trailing past her face. She's resting one hand on her hip and looks disbelieving.

Elise Teekeros

She/her

Thief/con artist

Really doesn't want to be on this world

Ready to throw hands

Image two; a digital image of a light brown skinned man. He has close cropped brown hair and wears glasses, and looks unamused. He's wearing a dark purple suit & tie with a white shirt.

Skir Aracel

He/him

Arch Mage

The money

What he says goes

Too much pride for one man

Image three; a digital image of a white woman. She has blonde hair tied in a low bun and a frint that covers her forehead. She wears round glasses and has a slight smile. She's wearing a grey polo neck under a brown cardigan, and a necklace of pearls.

Millicent

She/her

Skir's family servant

Costuming department

Image four; a digital image of a brown skinned boy. He has floppy dark brown hair that ties into a small ponytail at the base of his head. He has small antlers with three tines protruding from his head and looks worried. He's wearing a loose dark brown shirt.

Skren

He/they

Faun

Older than he looks

Soft

Scared of most things

Slide eight; Featuring Brief Appearances From;

Image one; a digital image of a dark brown skinned person with short light brown hair that's combed back. They have a slight smile and a beauty mark on their cheek. They're wearing a white shirt under a tan waistcoat.

Carlin Everglade

They/them

Saro's best friend

A flirt

Entered the tournament

Image two; a digital image of a white skinned boy with fluffy blonde hair. He looks worried. He's wearing a high collared green shirt and a gold waistcoat.

Abban Gaulivant

He/they

Abigail's twin brother

Likes to party

Little bit naive

Image three; a digital image of a brown skinned woman with almost shoulder length brown hair. She has white stud earrings and is wearing a grey kimono patterned with cherry blossoms and thin branches. She's smiling in a way that suggests she knows more than you

Drassa sa Enser

She/her

Jasper's mother

Mysterious(tm) but well thought of

Slide nine; I'm sorry you said tournament?

Local generic tournament! Sword fights! Jousting! Group battles

Jasper entered on a whim

He was looking for something simple to do on his break from Llinos and Kaua

Physical skills only, magic isn't allowed

In the main events. There's a magic part now I [in all caps] have decided

... not that I know how that's going to work yet.

It's mostly a backdrop

Sometimes you just wanna write flashy low risk fights alright

There are some less flashy higher risk fights involved. That's how Selene meets Kaua

It comes with parties and Events for all the family! People travel to take part and see this thing! Whole lotta strangers in town if you catch my drift hmmm

Slide ten;

Hey what even is your world building

... yeah, sorry about that

Welcome to...

[in bigger, orange print] The Mist Worlds!

image description; the spongebob imagination meme

19(ish) interlinked worlds, most have their own magic type, people can travel via the Mist Gates

[at an angle, leading from "19(ish)"] Some have been destroyed, One is split in two

[In increasingly smaller font] The Gates are grouped in a couple of places in each world these days, anyone travelling by them needs the correct papers before a guide will take them. Originally they were unstable and dangerous and under the whim of the Fair Folk. Anyone walking through couldn't control where - or when - they'd come out. That's how Skren got lost! A couple thousand years ago the Arch Mages sealed the gates in place at the expense of locking a couple of worlds [The text cuts off]

This story is set on Tatariel! Magic type is Soul Magic

It's not one of the nicer ones

They can control people. Mostly it's about using the "power of their soul"/energy of their life to enact change

Other magic types mentioned;

Feral Mages - have animal companions! Can bond and become furries! [in increasingly smaller font with each parenthesis] (they were probably furries anyway (don't tell Jasper that))

Green Witches - destruction. Death by water.

Arch Mages - OP af at the expense of their sanity

Slide eleven; [in all caps] anyhow

... actually that's it

Investigations!

At least one masquerade ball!

Sword fights!

[in all caps] crime

A fair amount of nonsense I'm gonna make up on the spot!

Should be fun, you should come with

[appatary8523]

As some of you already know, im writing a fanfic. I didn't planed it at first, it was just a small snippet, just an excuse to make some of my favorite characters kiss each other because nobody writes about it (?). It was some silly silly stuff, but it got out of my hands when I started going back, wondering why X character would do that and adding a bit more here and there. I hadn't realized when how much long it was until I planned on posting it on Ao3. After pasting it on Word I noticed first part I wrote was almost 30 pages long? I've never written anything longer than few pages, so, dealing with this long story is astounding for me.

Of course, I outlined the whole thing because I was scared of going forward with no direction, but the farther I get the more complicated everything gets. I start writing something, I have no idea what to do so I skip to another part, and then another and now I'm left with 4 parts loosely conected (?. The source material drops bits of information now and then and don't want to ignore it but I know my story will divert sooner or later. And there are things that have no explanation and I have to come up with answers, but I have no imagination to give a good answer.

The source material is not the only changing thing, it also happens with the story I "planned". It has changed so much already (because of course it was just a silly small text and now it isn't), but I think it's for better but still, changing one thing involves changing a lot, and I don't like the idea of not being able to change the past at certain pont (?).

Plus, the translation. Oh my God. When I'm translating I overthink everything. You know I'm not an English native speaker and my knowledge is quite limited, so, of course, I have to stop and double check every phrase or if there's an idiom for what I wrote. I also change a lot of things because I'm analizing the story a bit more and I notice flaws I didn't paid attention to when writing the Spanish version. And, OF COURSE I wanted a smut scene and that makes it way worse because I don't know how to write half of the things happening, good thing is already translated what one and I think it didn't turned out as bad as I thought? Idk. It's so time consuming but it has helped me to stay busy, also to practice, since I haven't been practicing my English (?). I just wish I had this dedication to work on my tituation project, but I guess that'll never happen lol.

I used to respect writers, and know I respect them even more. I don't know how they deal with words. Mad respect for real

[ashesandhalefire]

two weeks later and i'm still blindingly angry over all of this and it feels so unbelievably stupid to be This Upset about a television show about aliens that's on the god damned CW network but here i am!!!!

venting below the cut bc i need to get this shit out of my brain

this season has been so frustrating and seeing all of the "oh, but the hand holding scene was nice!" and the "i'm glad they finally mentioned the song!" reactions have just grated on me so much because for me it just wasn't remotely good enough. i know people want to talk about the stuff that makes them happy and not get bogged down in the bullshit, but i'm tired of having to find the silver lining, of having to give them the benefit of the doubt, of doing these mental gymnastics to put a positive spin of "well at least we got this."

compared to the previous seasons, the version of malex that we got in s3 feels entirely soulless to me.

like, we start with these characters having been apart for a year, and they don't even get a real reunion. max and liz get this whole extended Only People In the Universe moment outside the crashdown where it's all about the emotional impact of seeing each other again after so long while still harboring all these unresolved feelings for each other. the night we motherfucking met is playing. but malex get this stupid 'watch you make out with your non-boyfriend from afar' scene, and then they never talk about it! it's never addressed! what is that??? you set up this angsty moment to get vlamis to cry on camera but you didn't think it was important for the characters to follow up on that emotion at some point??

we never even find out what was happening in that year they spent apart. we get this vague explanation of alex 'handling' project shepherd, but we never find out what that means. what it actually means is that the writers were bored with it and had no idea what to do with it after making the Worst Possible Decision to kill jesse off in the s2 finale in the Dumbest Fucking Way, so they just fucking wrote it out. but they didn't take into consideration that a FULL YEAR is a long time to be working on DISMANTLING A SECRET DISBANDED GOVERNMENT OPERATION TO KIDNAP, IMPRISON, TORTURE, AND EXPERIMENT ON ALIEN LIFE FORMS. what the FUCK was alex doing??? how the fuck big was project shepherd?? and why was kyle not involved???

so alex is off doing whatever he's doing, and michael is in roswell, apparently learning to deflect questions in the mindscape and just waiting for alex to come back. have they spoken since michael left in the middle of the song? unknown. does he know that alex has apparently had this casual relationship with forrest going for the last year? apparently not!!!! so michael and alex presumably haven't spoken in a year, but michael has decided that the time is Now and that's just all there is to it. reason is not important.

so in the aftermath of The Non-Reunion michael gets to be the Sad Boy again but alex is also a Slightly Sad Boy now, and then we get the actual reunion three goddamn days later. and tbh i don't like how tyler and vlamis played the drive-in scene. it was too hostile and aggravated for a reunion scene. and tbh it wasn't written as a reunion because the writers couldn't be bothered to dedicate a scene to their relationship that clarified where they stood with each other like echo got. instead we got michael's trauma being dumped onto alex again and alex being ridiculously harsh about it in return, and we're supposed to say thank you because of the Supreme Character Growth that they didn't just immediately tell each other to fuck off and die. which tbh they probably SHOULD have been telling each other to fuck off because they hadn't spoken in a year and they were both being shitty.

and then we wait another few episodes and they're fighting again and there's even more of the same miscommunication that comes off as unbelievably cruel, and then we end on this cliffhanger note of michael being right outside the building where alex is being held at gunpoint, and it all amounts to nothing. they go their separate ways again without speaking.

and then they finally do work together, and michael's like FUCK YOU, YOU LIAR and alex is like everything i have done i have done for you [eyebrow wiggle] and i'm just supposed to be like yeah! yeah that random flirtatious energy fucking tracks! who gives a shit about the fact that season two ended with alex singing a love song dedicated to michael in a crowded bar and michael walked out in the middle and alex took that as signalling that whatever relationship they had was over and started making out with someone else in public and didn't speak to michael for a year! who cares that michael spent a year apparently believing that he and alex were going to be getting back together and had no idea that alex was actually dating forrest! who cares that these characters weren't remotely on the same page when we left them and weren't remotely on the same page when we picked them back up and we didn't remotely see them getting on the same page during the season! they're there!

and then not only are we suddenly getting this version of alex that is supremely confident in the direction of his relationship with michael, but we get alex saying "i'm doing what i'm doing because i'm doing it for our future" and michael just fucking stares at him. no fucking reaction. idk what vlamis was going for there, but it was flat as fuck. this is the first time all season - IN EPISODE MOTHERFUCKING EIGHT - that michael has had any clear indication that alex still wants to be with him. and there's NO REACTION.

so we romanticize alex's military service a little, hit a man with a truck, and we're back to making out! whoohoo! that really makes all of the shit from seasons one and two totally worth it! it's not like their issues have always been deeply rooted in communication and shared trauma and i was waiting for them to talk to each other about literally any of the things that have kept them apart for a decade! alex grabbed michael's hand and promised to tell him about a useless alien artifact! that's basically the same thing!

so now they're back together and alex works on the machine and almost dies and michael swoops in with the 'i've always got you!' and that's a nice line but it ultimately means nothing. that's not a thing for them because they're almost never around at the same time for michael to have to save alex from anything. there was the kidnapping (which was majorly fumbled) and this lockheart machine thing. that's it. 'always' my ass. again, all flash, no substance. and it doesn't even come back in the end! we don't even have alex in danger by the end of the season to say, see, he did save him again! haha! that's fun!

and now it's like 'oh look they have breakfast at alex's house!' okay, fine. 'oh look they have a talk in michael's bunker!' okay, fine. 'oh look they have a talk in alex's house.' OKAY FINE. but it's taken ten episodes in this season and they're barely saying anything real to each other. alex tells michael not to be afraid of his past, which is either hilariously un-self-aware or intentionally using himself as a reference point (neither being made implicit or explicit by the dialogue!) like, okay, fun role reversal, but this isn't the catharsis i've been waiting for from them. this may be surprising, but i haven't actually been waiting two and two-thirds seasons for michael and alex to unpack michael's secret biological parentage. and the show can't decide where michael's self-worth issues come from: is it from his time in foster care? is it because of his newly discovered parentage? is it because of the secret alien ability he's apparently had since he was eighteen but never mentioned and/or used? so i don't even know how to unpack all of that and/or how it has affected his relationship with alex because they keep saying "it's this. but he's working through this now <3. actually it's this, but he's working through this now <3. actually, we lied, it's actually this, which he's been hiding for a decade and is working through now <3."

and the conversation on the couch is nothing. it's just nothing. at the time, it was like, oh, great, they're saying things to each other! but i look at what they're actually saying, and it's fucking NOTHING.

first we get this weird "my actual family" line that throws me because michael and alex actually HAD a whole exchange about family in 1x12 that we have still not touched on again. so it's fine that they're trying to say that alex helped him find his tried, but it's careless and sloppy to word it in a way that makes me go, wait, what? alex stood in a building that was about to blow up and said michael was his family, and michael has never talked about that again, and now we're going to talk about dallas being his real family? not even max at least?

and the rest of the conversation is just more nothing.

michael says what amounts to "hey, last season sucked for us! felt bad, scoob! this version (which has not actually amounted to a whole lot thus far) feels better (for reasons we cannot and will not put into words). but it's also * ~ * ~ C O S M I C ~ * ~ * lest anyone think we're forgetting our motif.'

also they lean really heavily on this "we're not the same kids we were in high school" narrative, and i think it's weird because the problem wasn't really with those kids. those are the kids that fell in love. those are the kids that saw each other suffering and offered each other kindness even though the world had doled out an endless supply of cruelty to each of them. and yeah, they got fucked up at the end and made bad choices and didn't know how to cope, but i still think the phrasing was doing a lot less than they thought.

and then michael calls back to the song like that was a moment they would both be thinking of fondly and not like alex should be like "oh, you remember that? because you kinda WALKED OUT IN THE MIDDLE AND WE NEVER TALKED ABOUT IT" and then he does the hated full name direct address that haunts my nightmares.

(and this is a stupid thing because i like the kiss just fine but it's also filmed so strangely??? like the whole scene is this intense closeup of the two of them on the couch and just really pushed in, and then the kiss feels like they're both sitting straight on the couch and trying to turn their heads as far as they can to make out and it's like... why would you do it this way?)

and then the Scandalous S-rated eight seconds, half of which are blurry because of max. will his crimes never stop.

so the situation is currently that michael and alex are having sex on a couch while max is calling to tell them that liz, heath, and the racist sheriff nobody gives a shit about have been kidnapped. but the next time we see michael, he is at a tactical strategy planning session with EVERYONE EXCEPT HIS LITERAL WAR VETERAN BOYFRIEND. and there's no mention of alex, despite the fact that michael must have been with alex when he found out. alex just POOF disappears from the narrative for an episode, and then we wrap up with whatever the fuck those last two episodes were.

alex "i would burn the world down" manes doesn't go looking for michael when he's kidnapped, despite the fact that he already tracked jones once and in the very next episode isobel and rosa are like 'yeah we all use find my friends lol.' alex "i would burn the world down" manes is relegated to poking the outside of the lockheart machine with a screwdriver and giving max a pep talk during their MAYBE THIRD(???) scene together EVER while his boyfriend is bleeding out somewhere. michael 'i always got you' guerin doesn't have a single scene with alex after frantically having his stomach wound sealed up with office supplies because he's so worried that jones has gone after alex to get the lockheart machine. what the fuck is that.

and then we get more tinkering with a radio alone in the bunker because apparently it's all alex is good for. i don't know why he would innately be good at this in the first place, but apparently he's now Designated Radio Repair Guy. but this conversation at least gets closer to what i want with michael saying that he's afraid they're only getting the beginning of something. if they'd actually expanded on the fact that they've both wasted a lot of time, it would have been great!

but instead it comes back to this drama that tbh i struggled to understand the emotional weight of so late in the season. like, my problem is that i just don't understand why michael cares so much that jones is his dad. and maybe that's coming from a privileged place! but michael is thirty years old and jones is a literal supervillain and michael is like WILL I STILL LOVE MYSELF IF I HAVE TO KILL HIM (which wasn't even a thing. liz was going to kill him with The Science from The Spores from The Lab That Got Burned Down By Max or whatever.) and like... yes, you should still love yourself. you don't know this man AT ALL and he has literally murdered HUNDREDS IF NOT THOUSANDS OF PEOPLE and you are IN LOVE WITH SOMEONE WHO HAS AN EVIL FATHER and should GET THE POINT BY NOW. but maybe that's just me lacking empathy, idk.

then, in the crime of crimes, the i love you gets cut off! for no reason! why is this still not something they're saying to each other??

and then via the various means the teleportation that 3x12 and 3x13 regularly employ, alex is back at deep sky to tase max to save kyle but doesn't actually hitch a ride with max and kyle when they saddle up and ride out to the Big Battle. and then when literally everyone is hanging out at the bar, alex is still Off Tinkering With The Machine. and then we get this stupid fucking scene in front of the statue that AGAIN means NOTHING.

we have not unpacked michael's trauma about his hand in a meaningful way. they tore down the shed, but they haven't said two words about what happened inside. michael hasn't talked about max healing him without his consent. have they even talked about the bunker fight? i have such a headache that i honestly can't remember. but 3x13 is alex unwrapping the handana because it's time for the Beautiful Moment of walking hand in hand down an empty street with the massive specter of jesse's untarnished reputation looming over them forever. oh, sorry, i mean-- they beat him!

this is the so-called cosmic romance? this is the relationship that's being given equal weight to echo in the narrative? this is the journey i had to be patient for?

sorry but how many times do i have to kiss the ring before i can call bullshit

there was no equal treatment, no equal importance.

echo got shit this season but all of the characters were CONSTANTLY bringing it up. there is a CONSTANT awareness of the importance liz and max hold in each other's lives, and that is NOT true for michael and alex unless the character in question is a villain who is throwing the relationship back in their faces. michael and maria were constantly constantly together in group scenes, constantly being talked about by other characters. isobel and liz couldn't keep their goddamn opinions to themselves. alex and forrest kissed twice in public and went on like two or three on screen dates and had the 'we're sprawled out in bed' scene. meanwhile, we don't even know for sure which characters know that michael and alex are back together because almost every single one of their moments - romantic or otherwise - takes place totally isolated from everyone else.

so they barely have scenes, they have no real meaningful conversations about their relationship, their getting back together development is a speedrun from fighting to making out with no real emotional beats, and they don't even try to integrate their relationship into the overarching plot. why am i supposed to say thank you for any of that??

[fullbushfemme]

Meeting the Mayans

word count: 1,804

summary: You thought you were prepared for anything. Growing up with four brothers, you had been bitten, beaten, thrown out of trees, concussed, stabbed, practically any violent act you could possibly think of, you had endured. For a kindergarten teacher, you were tough. You had the scars to prove it. That was, of course, until the day you met the Mayans.

unnamed mayan x fem!reader

warnings: brief mentions of blood, hostage situation, and a shooting.

author's note: I've had this idea in my head for ages now and I'm tempted to make it a series. The only issue is that I can't decide which Mayan I want to star (since they aren't named in this fic). I'm tempted to use this as a jumping off point for multiple fics, writing different stories from this initial incident involving different Mayans, but I'd love to hear any thoughts y'all might have :)

-I also haven't written anything outside of academic works in years so go easy on me <3

Santo Padre Septembers were always your favorite. It was sticky and hot, enough to make anyone want to jump into a pool fully clothed, but school was back in session, which meant you got to meet a new hoard of bright-eyed, eager five year olds. You had spent the last month preparing your classroom for their arrival. Nine am to one pm every day for four weeks was dedicated to decorating your classroom, making name cards, making sure every student had all the supplies they needed. Inside every desk you placed glue and markers and pencils and workbooks and scissors...everything a little kid would need to express themselves. And all of it out of your own pocket. You took it upon yourself to spoil these kids rotten.

Two weeks into class, you already knew everyone’s names, their favorite color, their pets, and whether or not they were allowed to watch TV after six o’clock. You knew who was friends with who, who couldn’t eat peanut butter, and who was most popular. This year’s class was going to be great, you just knew it.

It was a humid Friday afternoon. The room smelled like Elmer’s glue and pencil shavings, with stray scraps of construction paper strewn about the floor after the kids decided this week’s art project was going to be making dinosaurs out of construction paper and glitter. You were staying after class to clean up and vacuum, and to take the class rabbit home with you since no one had signed up to care for him this week, when you heard a knock at your door.

You looked over to the open door, squinting into the sun, trying to make out who it was. But no one was standing in the doorway. “Forget something?” you called out, thinking that a student must’ve left a lunch box or notebook and was feeling shy.

“Not exactly,” a deep voice responded, sending a twinge of fear through your body. You knew that voice. “I was hoping my baby sister could help me with something.”

A lump had formed in your throat that you tried to swallow, to no avail. “What are you doing here?” you choked out, standing from where you were picking up paper scraps.

“I need you to help me hide. Quickly.” Your older brother stepped into the classroom, gun in hand, pupils wider than you had ever seen them. He must’ve been high, you thought, panicked. What had he gotten into now? All four of your brothers were known to be trouble-makers to varying degrees. A few had been to prison for petty crimes, but the brother that stood before you had gotten wrapped up in drug trafficking years ago. He scared you the most. They had all promised your parents that they would keep their lives separate from yours, that they would never put you in harm's way. But it didn’t last. It felt like every other week you had a bruised or beaten brother on your doorstep, begging for help or a place to stay. And today, it was to ask you to hide them.

Your eyes flitted to the large windows overlooking the grassy courtyard where a few children sat waiting for their parents to pick them up. Hide. Hide from what? Who was coming after him? Would they hurt the kids?

“N-no,” you stammered, taking a step backwards. You couldn’t risk putting any kids still on campus in danger. “You can’t hide here. You have to go. You have to go right now.” You could feel a pit in your stomach begin to form as your brother took slow, long strides toward you.

“No?” he spat, completely dumbfounded by your refusal to help him. You had never turned him down before. He was family. You never said no to family.

You swallowed hard before repeating yourself. “No,” you responded, with more conviction this time, although you knew he could see right through you.

You took another step back, but ran up against your desk. Your phone was in the top drawer. Could you reach it fast enough? If you even could, who would you call? The police? That was a good way to get murdered and leave a teacher-shaped stain on the floor for the kids to come back to on Monday. Gripping the edge of the table so hard your knuckles turned white, your brother broke the ominous silence before you could.

“I’m not asking you again, hun,” he spat, now so close you could smell him.

“I can’t,” you whispered, your eyes welling up. “The kids…”

He furrowed his brow for a moment, shocked at the idea that you could actually turn your own flesh and blood away. You had always helped him, no matter how many times your parents told you not to, no matter how many times your life was put in danger. He couldn’t grasp the idea that you would put your foot down when it came to endangering other people, when it came to endangering your kids.

“They’ll kill you, you know,” he seethed, looking back over his shoulder towards the open door. There was a low rumbling growing louder and louder, but that wasn’t to whom he was referring. He was talking about your other brothers. “I told them I’d go to my baby sister, that she’d help me. She always helps me. Why would she flip on me now? Why wouldn’t she help family?” His grip tightened around his handgun as he leaned in to threaten you. “If anything happens to me, they’ll know to come to you first. They’ll know you couldn’t protect your own family.” His breath was hot against your neck. “Now,” he sighed, “Help me hide. And tell them you haven’t seen me in months.”

“I don’t think that’s such a good idea,” a man shouted from outside, causing your brother to grab hold of your arm. Those tears you had been holding back finally fell down your cheeks as your brother pulled you in front of him, placing you between the stranger and your brother. You could barely make out any details of the man from outside because of the blinding sun, but you could tell he had a gun. And that gun was much bigger than your brother’s. As the man moved into your classroom, at least five more men appeared and followed him in, all with guns pointed at your brother.

At this point, you were frozen. The lives your parents had so desperately tried to keep apart were crashing together, their worst nightmare coming true. The two of you were stuck, with only one way out. And he knew it. He gripped your arm tighter, making sure your body could be used as an effective human shield. The barrel of his gun was shoved into your ribcage, his face buried into the back of your hair.

“See what you’ve done?” he seethed. You looked at all of the men placed around the room. Leather-clad men on top of a backdrop of crudely painted rainbows and dogs. You hadn’t brought these men here. You didn’t anger a group of gun-toting men. And yet somehow, this was your fault.

“We’re only here for you, kid,” a low, rough voice called out, a different one than before.

But he wouldn’t let them take only him. He was bringing you down with him. He was willing to sacrifice his own family to keep from going down alone.

The seconds ticking by felt like hours. Your heart pounded against your ribcage, desperately trying to break free. But you could do nothing besides stand still. All you could do is hope and pray that these men that had followed your brother here had enough decency not to kill a kindergarten teacher caught in the crossfire. But your brother refused to give them that opportunity.

“If I go,” he yelled, raising his gun to your temple, “she goes too.”

These words would haunt your every thought for the rest of your life. But in that moment, all you could think about was the weapon pressed against your skin. Your brother wasn’t just willing to bring you down with him, he was willing to kill you himself. And the thought of it made you sick. It made you want to curl up into a ball and scream on the top of your lungs. You opened your mouth to cry out, but your brother hit you across the head with the butt of his gun before you could.

The men opposing your brother yelled, harsh words were exchanged, but all you could hear was a ringing in your ears. Tensions rose. Guns were raised. Blood dripped down your face and mixed with your tears. Your senses were betraying you, one by one, blending every sensation into one incomprehensible nightmare.

And then, a single gunshot rang out, making you acutely aware of the severity of the situation once more.

A scream escaped your chest as you fell to your knees, free from your brother’s death grip. You brought your hands up to your ears and squeezed your eyes shut, hoping it would all be over.

But it wasn’t over. It wouldn’t end. No matter how hard you prayed, you were still on the floor of your kindergarten classroom. Your brother was still prepared to kill you if he felt threatened. Someone was shot...someone was shot but you couldn’t bear to look. You wanted to look, you had to look, to see if it was your brother that was shot. But before you could muster the courage to open your eyes, two arms wrapped around you and pulled you into an embrace. It couldn’t have been your brother, it was much too gentle. But if it wasn’t him, then who?

It took a moment to open your eyes, but when you did, you looked up to see who was holding you. His face was kind, with dark brown eyes filled with worry as he looked down at you. He opened his mouth to say something to you, and he probably did, but you couldn’t hear him over the pounding in your head. He was a stranger to you, and yet he clung to you to keep you from seeing the mess behind you. Like he truly cared for your wellbeing. He pulled you in closer to him, placing his chin on top of your head the way your father did when you were young. It felt...safe. And all you wanted to do was collapse into him and allow yourself to feel safe. You let your head fall into his chest. You let your head fall into this stranger’s chest. And just as you did, two white patches on his left breast caught your eye. Two patches that read: Mayans, Santo Padre.

[sanctus-ingenium]

Heya! Your last few pieces have been incredible as always! I wanted to ask: how long have you been working on this current project? I've been a fan for a long time but with varying times of activity and so I recognize oc names I'm just curious if they've always been a part of this current plot or if they've been inserted into different settings throughout the years. Feel free to answer this privately or not at all if its too personal!

hiiiiii (u caught me scrolling tumblr mid-lecture, don't tell my prof)

for the last few pieces.. the reason i'm able to do a bunch of big illustrations is because i'm already finished with the setting. i wrote the 3 inver books over the course of roughly a year and tbh all of the content in them was new for the books and didn't have any recycled content aside from some minor details. the main 3 characters were from a dnd oneshot in 2019 but i didn't do much with them until i decided to write about them in an original fantasy setting in may-june of 2020. last book was finished in june of 2021. unlike a lot of my previous stuff, this story had a distinct end. all the character arcs are done, the plot is finished. it was a big deal for me because i usually never wrap up stories lmao

however

in the last like 10 chapters of more than 100 total i introduced pascal, who is literally a clone who had to kill & replace god just to survive his original self (félix) turning human again. then the books ended. and i realised that because this guy was immortal, he was going to persist and have a much longer life, so his story wasn't all wrapped up neatly like everyone else's - he didn't want to become immortal, he just wanted to not disappear, and now he's stuck like This while the happy ending he wanted so much was handed to a different version of him who got to become human and get married and so on. he didn't get those choices - it was either stop existing or become the boss púca and be cut off from humanity forever. and while he did maintain a friendship with a lot of the human characters after the 1860s (post-canon), human lifespans are short. everyone he knew died and left him alone, and in his otherworld barrow he would have no one to interact with but himself.

i haven't written any structured prose about him BUT i do have the beginnings of a story set in the 21st century that picks up with him, mostly about a corruption arc/his descent into becoming the worst version of himself as a result of isolation making him massively self-centered... so i guess it's more like a bad end au for félix (the actual main character of the inver books), only because of the clone situation i get to write him both good and bad endings. so basically i've been working on that for about a month but as a character he's less than a year old

anyway. for "inserted into different settings over the years" well!!!!! yeah i do that. all the inver characters are new for their setting but the mez characters certainly aren't... i wanted to focus on worldbuilding and mechs and engine stuff and didn't have any characters to populate it all, so i just yoinked them from my very first writing project - a book series i started in 2008. that's why those characters are familiar. oddly enough it makes them harder to insert into a closed story because i have to go through every version of them to pick and choose wtf i'm keeping and what i'm discarding. but also one of the characters from that 2008-era setting is john who you may be familiar with (lol). john's twin brother, invented for dnd, is félix. and pascal is félix 2. so in answer to your question: yes but also no? but also yes and no.

ftr my favourite character of all time is also félix and pascal is just him again but minus the humanity so that's also why i have dedicated a lot of time to thinking about him. also he is easy to draw

[grimoire-of-geekery]

Detect Magic: the Sixth World Tarot by Echo Chernik

(pictured here- the deluxe edition [left] and the Arcanist edition of the Sixth World Tarot by Echo Chernik)

Y'know, it's been a long time since I did one of these, but here goes. It's time for another Detect Magic review. I haven't put the Dork Magician hat on for a while, so let's give this a whirl!

Today we're taking a look at the Sixth World Tarot, by Echo and Lazarus Chernik. She has this available on her website (click the above link), which come signed by the artist and the author. I'm a bit bummed, I bought a copy of this deck juuuuust before she started signing them. Not her fault, but still. XD

For those of you unfamiliar with Shadowrun, it's a cyberpunk dystopian magic-and-mech RPG setting and fantasy novel universe which originated in the late 80's. The premise is that magic is growing stronger, the world experienced a big Awakening in the early 2000's, right around the same time that corporations managed to gain extraterritoriality. So, you have dragons running huge megacorps, which basically enslave people to be lifelong wageslaves from birth (or as soon as they can get their hands on a desired talent), immersive VR Matrix hackers, cyberware enhanced fighters and magic practitioners acting as "deniable assets" to said corps for all sorts of shady business.

Hence the name "Shadowrun."

This setting, one of my absolute favorite settings out there, has had the misfortune of developing a sort of eerie prophetic element akin to the Simpsons and its bizarre track record of prediction of ludicrous world events. Shadowrun was intended to be a cautionary tale, not an oracular one. That being said, that does make a tarot based on Shadowrun more than a little on-the-nose for predictive purposes. After all, they're telling the future without even trying. Wait until they actually put some effort into it...

All right, time to Detect Magic!

Accessory- Crit (4 out of 4) Stunning artwork, evocative imagery... this deck is gorgeous. It's so beautiful, and so intricate and well made, that people who don't even read tarot (or even particularly like tarot) buy several copies for their geeky collections, and even people who don't particularly care about Shadowrun have dropped their jaw when I showed the deck to them.

A bit busier than I'm used to working with (not the art, but the extras which I'll explain later), I was pleasantly surprised at how much I loved the cards when I first got them. The box for both editions I own are a nice durable gloss with a magnetic foldover closure, there's a ribbon inside each to help pull the cards and book out of the box, and the decorative artwork is gorgeous and fitting with the setting. Definitely aesthetically pleasing enough to take places, and durable enough to resist scuffing or tearing for on-the-go divination and gaming use.

Tome- Crit (4 out of 4) So, the Tome section of this review is supposed to be about how well the cards help one in the pursuit of learning magic and practicing geekomancy. And... really, I don't think I've found a deck (or any artifact of fandom) quite as good as this.

Let me explain.

Tarot, in the sorcery practice I teach, are already basically a pictorial grimoire, describing life in a way that allows us to learn the hidden movements, mysteries, and forces at play in our world. Art is good for things like that in general. It helps you see the world through a special lens, one which allows you to see things you might have missed.

The thing is, the lens of this deck is the Shadowrun continuity, which as I said earlier, has proven to be more than a little prophetic, and alarmingly so.

The magic system of Shadowrun is pretty adjacent to our own. Life force lines, spiritual power sites, astral projection and spirits and magical "energy" forms, initiatory mysteries... it's all pretty much the same as our own reality, just juiced up a bit, with some extra game elements added (don't even ask me about insect spirits).

This makes the deck particularly helpful if one wishes to learn magic in any of the myriad ways described in Shadowrun (and they're particularly respectful and diverse and true-to-life in their tradition descriptions).

BUT, it also has an entire lore-book called the Book of the Lost associated with it, which explains all these little secret sigils and images and easter eggs stored throughout the deck, which can be used for gamebuilding and storytelling, but are designed to be arcane indicators and omens, among other things. And the kinds of symbols they use range from sentences or mottos in dead languages, all the way to waveform patterns and dot-matrix maps. I swear, if you're one of those people who like puzzles and cryptography, this deck is even more fun than the Hermetic Tarot.

In summary, while you'll have to get some Shadowrun sourcebooks to really get deep into the canon lore, there's so much of it that the cards really show you on their own that I don't consider this a setback at all. Feel free to deep-dive with this deck, you'll learn a TON about magic if you let it guide you.

Relic- Success (3 out of 4) If you read the Book of the Lost, or Unearthed Arcana, or any of the 5th edition Shadowrun magic sourcebooks, you'll see that "tarot magic" is an up and coming thing in their canon. Each text helps you see how practitioners use the cards in-game for spellcasting, ritual magic, initiation practices and spirit summoning. The Tarot are already really valuable as central objects of importance to certain kinds of magical practice. This particular deck is designed to be so handy a central object that there's an entire book dedicated to it.

Weapon- Success (3 out of 4) The only reason I'm rating this a success instead of a crit is because they don't provide enough spreads in the various associated books for one to immediately begin casting spells with them, which means you'll have to do some designing. They do have a couple solid unique spreads for basic divination though.

The deck's canon in-game suggests ritual practices like gathering and doing a ritual with sets of related cards, and one such ritual was easily adapted in my own practice, into the Lucky Kimono spread I designed (which people can read about on my Patreon at the higher tiers). So, even without outright including spell-spreads, they sort of gave us clues anyway.

Again, you're going to need the sourcebooks, but it's only a few of them, and they're well worth a read even if you're not planning on playing the game (and I don't play in the actual Shadowrun mechanical system, though I do like the sourcebooks for campaign setting ideas).

Overall Rating: Critical Success (14 out of 16)

Achievement Unlocked: Novahot Echo's artwork is already legendary in the dork realms of geekomancy. She's done work for Dungeons and Dragons, Mage: the Ascension, House of Night... she's even working on a Fate: the Winx Saga playing card deck right now. Her art-nouveau delicacy combined with the powerful non-pandering way she draws women means that her paintings pack a punch!

That being said, it's rare that we see professional artists create a tarot deck of this magnitude as a gaming accessory. Most tarot decks of this caliber are found in professional occult catalogues or as independent projects by artists just wanting to flex their skills for their own reasons. To have a deck like this, clearly a labor of love by all involved, as a major element of gameplay within a franchise is really very special. And something this diverse, deep, and absolutely saturated with layers of ciphers and riddles... it's a geekomancer's dream come true.

Level Up: 2 Levels I think the only way anyone's going to be able to top this deck is if they manage to design a tarot deck that's also a fully immersive VR video game AND an AR game and divination tool useable with one's iPhone or Android. Legit, Echo and Lazarus left everyone in the dust. I haven't been this excited about Shadowrun since Shadowrun Returns first came out, and I got a set of dogtags that had a USB drive with the game on it.

It's just... crazy cool.

Full disclosure, I've had the deluxe edition of these cards for a while now, so I've basically been low-key squeeing about this deck since I first heard about it in 2018, even before I got it. I've been utterly astonished that people weren't more excited about them, and I wasn't hearing about them everywhere.

Before this, I created my own Shadowrun tarot method using the Universal Transparent Tarot (cuz, y'know, plastic and see-through and weird little mosaic readings all in one place, seemed fitting to me), and when I got the Sixth World Tarot? I don't think I've opened the UTT since!

Anyway, this is my review of this deck! Go follow the link up at the top of this post, and buy yourself one! And hey, let me know if you figure out the cool little map trick. My jaw literally dropped when I was shown that!

[kuroopaisen]

Can we maybe not bug writers about updates? Like I'm waiting for a series update, too, for my favorite character (not tiny love though I'm planning on reading that soon cause dating brother's best friend and Iwa? YES PLEASE) but I haven't sent any asks about getting updates. There's irl things going on that take precedence. Rowan, you took as long as you need and update when you can but there's absolutely no rush for updates at all. 💛💛💛

oh bless you anon :( part of me does feel bad because previously both my series’ ran on weekly update schedules and then i just suddenly stopped (and if i remember correctly, i don’t think i’ve updated my masterlists to reflect that?), but a lot happened in my personal life that left me without the will or energy to write for a little while. 

i understand that people asking for updates are primarily coming from a place of excitement, and thankfully i don’t get too affected by it nor do i feel too much pressure (but i know other writers do). 

BUT a key tip for anyone who’d like to see an update on a series: leave nice feedback! that’s always motivating, and the serotonin boost can (sometimes) carry me through. seeing people care about what’s going on really helps make me feel like the time i’m funnelling into it is paying off (as opposed to dedicating my time to other projects). and hey, you get to improve someone’s day in the process. 

(that’s not to say leave insincere feedback or only leave feedback for the purpose of getting an update, because that’s... that’s bad in it’s own way)

HHHH anon i am so sorry because you are so lovely but i have some more thoughts so i’ll just stick them under the cut 

i don’t like the “writers are doing this for free” diatribe because... yeah, of course? we’re going it for free? this is... this is a hobby? and the point of hobbies is to enjoy them, not treat them like unpaid labour? and also because it’s a hobby that means quality isn’t always going to be up to par with published fiction and that’s okay? i’m not going to sit here and act like i deserve attention or feedback simply because i put some time into my hobby, which isn’t vetted for quality in the same way a published book is. 

but i will invoke it here for the sake of saying that i am, in fact, doing it for free, and that means it is therefore lower on my priority list than other things in my life (i’ve got commissions to finish, and i start my final year of uni next week, and mental wellness is always an uphill battle but it’s worth fighting). 

and i know other people on here have even more to deal with, and the time they do give to finishing fics and putting them up should be respected. this goes two ways -- readers should respect the time writers take out of their day, AND writers should respect the time readers take out of their day to engage with their stuff, regardless of whether or not they leave feedback. but that’s a whole other can of worms and i’m already rambling too much. 

(for one thing, writers in this portion of the internet are positively spoiled for feedback; i’ve been in fandom spaces where readers are dead silent. and that’s fine! but to act like this fandom is ungrateful or greedy or too quiet is just... is just flat out wrong.) 

essentially, i don’t want to end up hating this thing i do for fun because it puts excess pressure on me. and i do think that, for the most part, i’m doing a good job of maintaining a healthy outlook and relationship with my writing (although i’m prone to bouts of laughably intense insecurity), but i know that’s easier said than done.

i’ve gone entirely off topic but this is something i’ve been thinking about for a while. 

also p.s. i’m not saying that all published work is Good and that all fanfiction is Inherently Worse or that there aren’t fanfics which are, in fact, better than published work, but it’s important to respect how much work and effort getting published is, as well as the hoops that have to be jumped through by people who don’t get picked up off wattpad. also, the world of publishing is much harsher than the world of tumblr; i’m so thankful that people have been so affirming of me here, and it’s helped me learn what some of my strengths are. but i’m trying not to let it cloud my view for when i finally finish a damn manuscript, because it’s not even half as kind of warm as this place DLKJFDSLKJFD 

anyway, that’s to say thanks to everyone who’s ever said something lovely to me. i really appreciate it and you’re helping me shamble together my self-esteem. 

[animeraider]

I get a lot of flack from anti-vaxxers, anti-maskers, and other fuckwits about my words on the COVID-19 Pandemic and in particular the response to it in the US. I pull no punches about it, I believe firmly that the previous administration and ANYONE who enables them and their policies are complicit in the deaths of all of these people. They belong in prison.

I'm not going to fucking apologize for believing that. The fault for all of this belongs directly in the laps of the Republican Party. If you believe otherwise, you're WRONG. I can bring the receipts.

I've been pretty isolated during all of this. I went into lockdown on March 11, 2020 and I'm technically still there. I now work from home, and even though I've been fully vaccinated for two months now I still go out masked. I may never eat at a buffet again. Sorry Sizzler, but I've learned how to make your cheese bread.

I ripped a tendon in my left knee in May of 2020. I had to go to the hospital, but I was out in a few hours with crutches. I would joke with people that I'm now out of hinged joints to break.

But in July my cough returned with an attitude, and I picked up an infection. Not Covid, but it all made me pretty sick. So that you understand, I have what's called "Chronic Cough Syndrome". I've had it since I was 8. No one knows the cause or the cure. Believe me, we've looked. I just start coughing, and after a few months, I stop. It can be treated but I just have to live with it until someone comes up with something we haven't tried before.

Doctors have gotten into fistfights over whether or not I have Asthma. I don't, but sometimes Asthma medications work for a bit. To be honest, I've had this for so long that sometimes I don't even notice when I cough. It's just part of the wonder of being me.

I took the Pandemic seriously. I stayed home, I socially distanced, I got real familiar with teams, bluejeans, and zoom. I did a LOT of cooking. Started making bread. Watched the country fall apart at the seams and commented on it from my own little pocket of safety. I contributed a new song to a fund-raising effort for nurses. I did my part to stay safe, but my cough had other ideas.

Anyway, this time my coughing got pretty severe and I finally agreed to go to the hospital. As stated above, turns out I had picked up an infection. Combine that with my cough and I showed all of the symptoms of a severe case of COVID-19.

I'd been careful, but the hospital staff were all very cross with me. If I had COVID, I just exposed all of them, and the main nurse who tended to me had already been quarantined that same month for a different exposure. When the test came back negative the tension in the emergency ward calmed down immensely and everyone treated me kindly and professionally - I was a patient with something they knew what to do with and didn't bring plague into their house.

I spent 4 days in the hospital but the worst part, scariest part, was the wait to move from the Emergency Room to a private room. I came to the hospital in the late afternoon. I finally got my bed nearly 12 hours later, a good 8 hours after my test for COVID had come back negative.

I needed to be hospitalized, and needed a bed, and there weren't any. I had to wait for someone to either be discharged or to die.

I got my bed at 4 in the morning. Someone had died. Musical chairs was played and I was finally moved out of the Emergency Room.

It's really hard to understand how sobering that is without experiencing it. Many years ago, before we even knew about AIDS, I had the honor of donating blood and seeing it get used in a surgery mere minutes later. I became a regular blood donor at that moment - I felt so happy and alive that my blood had been used to save a life mere minutes after I had donated it (I'm O Negative) that I became a life-long believer. I donated every time I was eligible from that moment forward until a blood infection disqualified me from ever donating again 20 years later.

This was just the opposite. The guy with a cough and a treatable infection had to wait for someone on a ventilator to stop breathing. Someone with COVID died so that I could get a bed. They never knew this had happened, and I never learned who they were. Some random person died so that I could get better.

Try sleeping after that realization hits you. I couldn't. I barely slept the entire time I was there.

Despite the fact that I wasn't in the "COVID Ward" I got to see the effects first-hand. The newly disinfected bed and room I had was previously occupied by someone moved up to the Covid Ward. They in turn had moved up there after a ventilator was taken away from a patient who died. Staff rotated through different wards on different shifts. My first nurse was rotated into the Covid Ward. My next day nurse had just rotated out. I have never in my life seen a group of people look so haunted by their day to day lives.

A well-liked member of their staff was on a ventilator. So was a priest who worked in the hospital. I had never seen in person a "Code Blue". There were six of them my first day. There is also a "Code Black". It's much worse.

My wife and daughters weren't allowed to visit me. When your daily soundtrack is nothing but medical staff talking about the good and the bad, terrible television and the moaning/screaming of your new neighbors getting that visit from family is a huge stress relief. It wasn't available this time. I didn't see my family again until I was discharged. There was no outside world.

I admit that being in hospital during all of this, even though I myself didn't have COVID, shook me. When you're in hospital mostly what you deal with is yourself and your own condition, and getting the hell out of there as soon as you can. This time I was not only aware of the people around me, their conditions, their suffering and their recoveries, but I was also aware that a whole section of the building was dedicated to people who were going to die, and that the people who were treating me were also treating them.

This was as close as I got to the Pandemic. When I got home I fucking STAYED THERE. I went to the grocery store and the pharmacy and that was it. That was life for MONTHS.

Our grocery store was fantastic - they enforced social distancing and masks with gusto. They cleaned EVERYTHING. It had been a 24 hour store but converted to shorter hours so that the down time could be spent cleaning. Aisles were made one-way.

The first time I saw someone in the parking lot without a mask I have to admit that I lost it. I screamed at them (a white couple about my age), "PUT YOUR FUCKING MASKS ON YOU FUCKING MORONS!" Understand, I'm a fairly large man with a deep voice and have been a professional singer for decades and have played sax even longer. I'm loud and imposing. Everyone within 50 feet turned and stared at the couple. Okay, me first then the couple.

It's possible they didn't speak English. They exchanged a few words in Russian to each other and then masked up.

I've been known to let my temper show. I try not to because I know it's there and I know it's terrible. I've worked for decades to keep it in check and I just let it all out, screaming at a couple of rando Karens 20 feet away from anyone else who hadn't put their masks on yet. I had to acknowledge that this affected me profoundly. I'm dealing with that.

I've lost friends to COVID. One of my neighbors spent almost 3 months on a ventilator and survived it. Some of my friends have lost family. It hurts. It all hurts. It has changed me.

Some of you have noticed that I've been pretty productive in 2021 in terms of music, after not releasing material for over a decade. This whole experience has changed me, changed my perspective. I was already an angry liberal but I'm far angrier and much more liberal now than I was. The album I worked on forever essentially no longer exists. The person I am now couldn't make that album. I am excising demons and allowing the new to come in and take its place.

And you know what, so far, I'm okay. I'm still here. I intend to stay. In fact, what I intend to be the first song from my next album in its own way deals with the fact that I don't understand depression - I've never experienced it.

But I have to admit that I'm grateful to have family and friends in my life who accept me as I am, who provide unconditional love and support and I hope I do for them. I have the occasional doubt that I'm as good a friend/family member as I can be. I can be an ass sometimes.

(A couple of my long-time friends have just done spit-takes. "Sometimes????")

Because the scariest thing about what we've all been through - what I've been through - is that we have changed so much that I'm not sure that the people who know me best would be my friends if they met me as the person I am now. I am changed.

And the odds are pretty good that you have too. This is something we're all going to need to deal with, or we're lost.

Please, don't be lost.

And because it still needs doing, because the pandemic is still going strong as ever among the anti-vaxxers, the science deniers and the Republicans, please support our nurses. Here's the album I'm on that is still to this day, long after falling off the charts, raising money for them:

[cryptidsareeverywhere]

Hey y'all

(tw:family death)

It's been way too long and I'm really sorry I haven't been around for a while. I just wanted to make a quick post sort of explaining where I have been and what my plan is moving forward!! Thanks for everyone who has continued to support me through this time of radio silence.

In early November I got word that my nana who is the biggest reason I make any art at all and who supported all my weird creative endeavors even when she didn't understand them was going into hospice care. I knew she had been sick but she was so tough and kept everything pretty quiet because she hated for people to worry about her. I dropped everything and started going there every day. I left my job and was there 8-12 hours a day so I could keep her company, read to her, help her to the bathroom, etc.

Things went downhill shockingly quick and she became unresponsive after only a few weeks and after a few of the worst days I have ever been through watching things I cannot even begin to describe happen to the woman I grew up telling people I wanted to be when I was an adult and in early December she passed away while we all sat by her side. I am so grateful for the few weeks we got with her though and I wouldn't trade them for the world.

Anyway that took a very big toll on my mental health and it took me quite a while to get to a point where I could even consider making things again. I'm still having nightmares but it's been better lately. Then in mid January I actually moved which put everything off even more but now I'm finally settled in and I have a full studio space dedicated to working on this project. I hope you'll all stick with me while I start putting things together again!!

Love you Nana ♥️

Love you all and I look forward to making new content for you to enjoy!!

Xoxo

Cryptid Aunt