#My life failed beyond comprehension in every possible way

[skinnypaleangryperson]

My heart is broken over this gray world and this life dedicated to slavery by selfish people who are just playing sheep differently taking control of me and paying me so little that I can't even have a decent personal life to make up for crushed creative dreams. I hurt myself with my own imagination and how vivid it is, the TV shows that I would have liked to work on an extended with my passion and ideas, the artistry the lights, the emotion the storytelling, the storyboards and the artistic lighting that I work on every day simply because it's all that makes sense to me. These images, thoughts, storytelling, emotions, everything where I pour all of my desperation of what I wish the humanity and connection that my life would have into a couple of iPad drawings every day in the corner of an empty bedroom.

It comes across as melodramatic posting about it online, but if you were to live a day in my life with having nothing except for my raw isolated imagination in such a repetitive, soulless, compassionless gray world, where I have no connection to anyone anymore, and no one that I can share anything with and convinced I will never have a true friendship or relationship with anyone outside of baseline tolerance at best again, on top of failed motherhood and a failed creative career, you would be crying out on the internet every second you got the chance to. I haven't wanted to live this life for the longest time that I could remember, and I will never want to again. In a sense, thank God nobody cares and that I can just post about it at whatever whim that I want throughout the miserable day, because this is the only place left where I can still feel somewhat human, and where I can just be as unashamedly detailed about every single depressed and morbidly despairing thought, share some of my work, even if it's only to myself just to prove that it even exists outside of my own sick corner of the world, and generally to feel seen for a little while, Even if only by myself, which is what me and the majority of people in working class America have, with no way out, because we're not "special", And if you have an artistic vision it will break your heart more than anything else.

I especially love this scene that I came up with it during my on maladaptive daydreaming lately with my family with BoJack and Samantha and Harper. The storylines that I come up with his family and with our girls are always incredibly vivid every single day and they both still simultaneously break my heart, because I know that the vision that I share in the passion that I have and my want to share in storytelling will only ever be an ongoing sickly headspace in the back of my head while the gray reality of a life that has long since over if it ever began goes on around me without change. The beauty of the family life that I wanted to have on top of the creative dreams that I have that has projected itself into the muddled mental disorder of maladaptive daydreaming of my beautiful family with Bojack both is the only thing that keeps me going throughout the empty slave hours of my life, which is so lonely that most people I'm convinced would not be able to live it, well at the same time fills me with such a beauty and meaning taking it in that I couldn't ever let it go.

[raven-at-the-writing-desk]

Ortho, Sebek: The Human Condition

OMG ORTHO COPIES IDIA 😭 dtqtwfh5;#?vekcmsksk These vignettes were super wholesome!! Always love hearing about Ortho’s perspective; he’s quite different from the other NRC students.

I think my favorite part was Sebek being shocked that Idia willingly leaves his room for family outings. Then when Sebek offers to pitch ideas for outdoor family activities, my immediate thought was, “this man is about to suggest doing Lilia-sama’s hellish training as a family friendly activity and Idia is actually going to die” 😂

Just Riddle's birthday left before Jamil begins the cycle anew!

A Boy in Bloom, and his Flowering Future.

“What do you do on your days off?”

How mundane the question was for a pair that was anything but. The birthday boy, a humanoid robot, floating by his feet on gravity-repulsion tech to meet the eyes of his tall interviewer, a young man half fae and half human.

Ortho practically bounced as he produced an eager response. A large grin awaited behind his mouth visor. "I enjoy spending time with the students of Night Raven College! Whether it's streaming movies to watch, working on a play production together, sharing a meal, or just observing them... There's just so much I have yet to learn about the people around me. I'm glad that I'm able to experience these things and make friends while at school. I'll forever treasure these moments!"

Sebek's nose crinkled, his forehead creasing. "I doubt the humans at this school are anything to note of. Night Raven College may boast students worthy of its prestige, but none can compare to the grace and dignity of the young master and Lilia-sama's company!"

"That's not true, Sebek Zigvolt-san." Ortho slowly shook his head. "Life forms differ greatly from one another, but they each have something special to offer. As a technomantic humanoid, I have access to the wealth of knowledge on the internet and in my databases--and still, I do not understand the human condition."

“What could there possible be to 'understand'? Humans are known to be inferior in every capacity. They are born small, helpless, and frail, with only a fraction of them capable of producing a modicum of magic. If one were to compare them to the stars in the night sky, they are but mere specks!"

"But in a way, don't you think that ordinariness is actually what makes them so extraordinary?" Ortho gave an excited twirl.

"I fail to see your point. There is nothing extraordinary about being ordinary!!"

A giggle.

"Humans are capable of the illogical, compelled by profound emotions. An exhilarating happiness which blinds them to their actions, sorrow so immense they're driven to isolation, anger which rages out of control and hurts those around them... And not only that, but backgrounds and values--these all shape the soul and lend perspective in ways I could never imagine for myself."

"You speak of emotions as though they're magic spells." Sebek's gaze was questioning. A knight defending his stance--but lacking his usual sharpness, replaced by quiet conflict. "To be human is not so complicated!!"

“Eeeh?” Ortho tilted his head to one side. “Nii-san can talk for hours about his ‘best girls’ and the intricacies of animaga plotlines though.”

“YOUR BROTHER IS AN EXCEPTION TO THE RULE!!” Sebek boomed as he folded his arms. “His inane rants lie beyond the realm of comprehension! How he happily spends his days locked up in his room being an unproductive lout, I’ll never grasp.”

“Nii-san doesn’t spend all of his days inside! He goes outside too,” Ortho pouted. “We go around town and play this creature-collecting game called Pocket M—”

“WHAT?!” Sebek’s thunderous voice interrupted the child. “You must be deceiving me!! Your brother… WILLINGLY leaves his personal chambers?!”

“Yes…? Is it really that strange?”

“He doesn’t the impression of being an outdoorsman,” Sebek said flatly.

“You’d be surprised. Well, even more than you are right now!”

Ortho’s eyes lidded, his smile turning fond. Memories fizzled up from his memory banks—happy days, spent hand-in-hand. “… Mama and Papa, Nii-san and I, we’d go on outings to lots of places. Parks, rivers, stores, mountains. Maybe they’d have taken us to the ends of Twisted Wonderland if we asked them to. It didn’t matter where we went, as long as we had each other.”

Sebek had gone silent as the birthday boy recalled the past. Hazy thoughts given clarity. Ortho’s tale resonated somewhere buried deeply in Sebek.

Time spent earnestly with family…

His gloved hands clenched into fists, his heart softening. “… Myself as well,” Sebek confessed. “When I was a child, I would have similar outings with my parents and siblings.”

“See?” Ortho beamed proudly. “Something as small and as simple as this can connect us, even though we’re so vastly differently. That’s the magic of it. What makes the ordinary extraordinary.”

There was a break in his voice, and a quick correction before he continued. Sadness had seeped into his words, weighing them down. “Many years ago, we lost something important to us. Nii-san started holing up in his room. The family outings stopped, and everyone drifted apart."

Sebek scoffed. "So he was a coward that ran away at the first major tragedy he encountered. What gall!!"

"That's a natural reaction to trauma. It’s only recently that Nii-san has found the courage again to face the world. He had the strength to face his fears and change the course of his life. That's amazing to me!"

Ortho angled his head upwards. Sunshine spilled onto his face, highlighting the lights in his artificial irises. They were bright as a jolt of lightning in the dark, full of life.

"There are people like Nii-san who can be shy, introverted, or withdrawn. But even they're still human, a social creature. They love, and they want to be loved back by their friends, their families, their special ones. Those bonds connect them to others. It grants them the power to behave in unexpected ways."

Sebek looked startled by the declaration. His pupils were thin slits, mouth wrenched into a confounded "o".

"Love makes humans do crazy things. Nii-san was able to go from zero to hero. Mama and Papa regained what they had lost. I was born from those feelings. And I think... the world itself can be changed with that power. That's what it means to 'live', and to be human. There is no other existence like it."

Doing crazy things…

What it means to be human…

Sebek clamped his jaw shut, a rare instance of inability to conjure a defiant rebuttal. A semblance of a thought attempted to squeeze out, but it quivered as it rose up, still only half formed.

He thought of his mother and grandfather. So gallant, so noble. Then there was his father. Plain, unassuming. So ordinary.

Yet a father that loved him all the same.

An unknown pressure had been building in his chest all this time. He didn’t know what it was, only that it was uncomfortable. A truth creeping up on him, bypassing his shields.

Pat.

Sebek glanced up in shock, finding that Ortho had hovered far above him, planting a pat upon his head. The robotic boy ran his hand through Sebek’s slicked back hair. Back and forth, back and forth, in a reassuring manner.

“You too, Sebek Zigvolt-san! As long as we have people who love and support us, we’ll be just fine.” Ortho’s eyes were electric. Sparking with energy.

“… Heh.” Sebek wiped whatever contemplation had remained on his face away, replacing it with a smirk. “Of course!! I wouldn’t be Malleus-sama’s guard were I to be of poor lineage!”

“That’s the spirit! You gotta shoot for glory among the stars and soar like a comet!”

“Hmph!! I must be slacking off on my training if I’m standing here being lectured to by a child.” Sebek pursed his lips (in what Ortho could only assume interpret as a stiff smile). “… For better or for worse, you are far more human than you realize.”

“Affirmative!” Ortho’s expression turned mischievous. “Shall I register your statement as a compliment?”

“Wh-What NERVE!! I was in NOT WAY complimenting you!! Humans are every bit as flawed as they always were! To call you human-like is not a net positive!!”

Ortho laughed—for this, too, was another precious bond, another thread woven on the spindle called Fate.

Ding!

A sound went off. He shuddered as it came in waves across his metal body. Thumping set into Ortho’s head—a reminder of the time.

“Oh! That must be the alarm I set for the birthday party.”

Eager to change the subject, Sebek loudly cleared his throat. “The time has come, then! Your departure awaits!!”

He presented Ortho with his broom. Like every other birthday boy’s before it, a beautiful bouquet was secures where the bristles would normally be. Blues and whites, like the sky, telling of the truths that he sought.

“Ooh, so pretty!” Ortho cried, accepting the broom by the handle. It was firm against his fingers, the roughness of wood picked up by his tactile sensors. “A special piece of equipment was prepared for me.”

“Will you be able to handle it? You mentioned early in our interview that you typically do not use magic to fly.”

“I can adopt to the situation, just watch! I’ll show you the full extent of my flight capabilities.”

Clink, clonk.

Ortho ungracefully plopped himself down on the broom. The movement was a little difficult—no thanks in part due to all the intricate pieces that made up his “cape” and “robes”. But he was a facsimile of a Night Raven College student all the same.

A birthday boy.

Ortho gripped the broom and leaned forward. The air around him formed a warm bubble, a pleasant hum building in volume. When he counted to 3, all the stored energy was released in a single, powerful burst.

The android took off. His kickback—a ring of shimmering blue light—radiated in his wake and swept across the campus. Heat washed over Sebek and passing students, hugged the trees and shrubs.

It was proof of Ortho’s presence, something warm and kind and full of heart.

His humanity.

[skye707]

SKYE! HOW would a date go with each of the Riddlers? I feel like ZY would sabotage the others any chance he could get. Hopefully this wasn’t already asked.

Who would have thought this is what my blog would become? Fulfilling people's desire to know how their favorite Riddler who go about romancing on a date.

I could not be prouder of myself.

Unburied - It’s pretty casual, I’m not gonna lie. He’s the most laidback of the Riddlers, and he’s not going out of his way to be strange. Something simple, like a lunch date, to feel out the situation. No fear for your life with this one.

ZY - Aw man, he’s got a date?? Better start the night off right by being twenty minutes fashionably late. While you’re on the date, though, I hope you’re not shy. He’s taking every opportunity he can to show you off to the waitstaff, bartender, other patrons of wherever you may be. “Yeah, aren’t they super hot? Only the best for Mr. Eddie Nygma.” Oh, shoot, yeah you’re paying, right?

Dano - Red. The entire time. There is not a moment he is not visibly embarrassed. Not by you! By the notion that other people can see that this little weirdo is on a date with this being of pure light for some fucking reason beyond his comprehension. Maybe stick to something secluded and personal.

YJ - This dude is falling over himself to ensure that every detail goes perfectly. He’s got an absolutely adorable day of activities planned. Ice cream shops, walks in the park, an evening of fireworks (idk how he managed to find that this time of the year but whatever). Like, this is the kind of date that a little kid dreams of having with their first love.

Gotham - Okay, where YJ’s perfectly planned date is cute and fun, this guy’s date is regimented and meticulous. It’s not that it isn’t a great time, he put a lot of thought into what you would enjoy together, but he’s very strict that “we have to leave at this time because otherwise we won’t be able to catch the sunset at this location at precisely 7:43 pm”. If you’re cool with that, then it’s gonna be great!

BTAA - Quite possibly the most romantic date you will ever go on in your life. He has evaluated the statistics and logic of every situation that may arise and is prepared for anything. He calls in some favors and has a Michelin Star restaurant air drop your favorite meal to be enjoyed on the deck of this yacht he just stole. Lots of compliments, both for you and himself, he’s such a sweetheart when he wants to be.

Arkham - It’s a date in the privacy of his little lair, but that doesn’t make it any less special. He covered the entire ceiling with stringed lights in the shape of question marks. Dinner is takeout from his favorite restaurant (the one thing he failed to acknowledge was what your preference was in terms of a meal). After that, with a flourish of his little dirty hands, he’ll get some music playing and set up chairs so you and he can watch the Batman fail another one of his stupendous traps. Yes, Mr. Nygma sir sure knows how to meticulously structure a good time.

BTAS - He’s shy! So very shy! When he’s the Riddler, he can do whatever he pleases, but when presenting himself as Eddie Nygma, he’s a little less confident. He’s sparing no expense to make this a memorable occasion for the both of you, but it’s easy to see that he’s just as nervous as you probably are.

Telltale - His idea of a “date” is going to a nice restaurant together. Which is great, but don’t expect any great lengths to be taken to make it romantic. Is it not enough that he would give up hours of his precious time to converse with you? Maybe that’s just his love language though: giving the time of day.

[simonalkenmayer]

What I meant regarding Parsons being a strange spectre in my orbit, is that his name kept coming up in various ways. I just think that's odd. Especially since a picture of him holding a device quite like one created to try to annihilate people in my family seemed a strange coincidence. Perhaps most devices such as that are similar in appearance? It was a homemade apparatus attached to a garbage disposal.

If you'd care to share your theory as to why consciousness can not be maintained after death I'd be interested. And the truth of how things work especially regarding supernatural or what is beyond or usual comprehension. Some people have more perception than others. That's usually do to genetics and I high level of severe abuse. Increases awareness and more primitive animal instincts the general population lacks.

Thank you

I am aware “paranormal” things exist. What they are, is actually a complex interplay between your inherent abilities you do not know you possess and the environment, which is far more complex than we’ve mapped. These supposedly “above normal” incidents are actually normal, but science hasn’t described them in any corrective way, because of stigma. For example, you mix table salt and chlorine, two normal every day chemicals, and you get an explosive. You mix a human enduring emotional trauma, and specific environmental factors and bam, you’ve got a poltergeist, a momentary “powering up” of place memory, etc. ghosts aren’t dead people saying things to you. They’re you influencing the environment to echo your expectations. You miss grandma. You influence the environment to sculpt what you want to see. Some environmental situations are very susceptible to flux and others aren’t. So some places stay haunted while others don’t. It isn’t terribly difficult, but humans complicate it by looking at it the wrong way around.

You can perceive and manipulate more than you realize, and so I see no reason to explain it to you lest you use it in a way that impacts me. I’d prefer ignorance.

And my “theory” isntt a theory. We know for a fact that mind depends on structure and chemicals. It depends on the road and the cars on it, so to speak. If the brain is damaged, identity changes. Sometimes it doesn’t, despite vast change. These two extremes teach us about the norm. There are too many things happening to physically fascillitate thought, like transmitter production, largely dependent on food and gut microbiome, nerve death/growth, types of neuronal connections, brain structure and growth due to trauma in early childhood etc. when the brain is not maintained, the identity fails. No hardware, no software.

If a person can physically go mad, then there is no life after death. Consciousness is temporary. Let me give you another metaphor.

Have you ever seen slow motion video of a full water balloon popping? If not

When you pop it, the water temporarily holds the shape, but with no external structure, the water falls out and resumes its normal level configuration, depending upon the external space and its shape. That’s the same physics that governs all things.

While the brain is dying, the energy is still moving in some recognizable pattern. Once the brain isn’t there to be the grooves, and the body isn’t turning food into electrochemical signaling, there is not energy production. No new consciousness. No life after death.

It’s simply not possible to have a consciousness as we have them, off of a biological substrate. All beings on this plant depend on this kind of structure. Other worlds perhaps not, though they are governed by the same physics.

I’ve tried before to explain how and why I understand this, but I cannot make any human understand. Have you ever gone along with an idea for the sake of a child’s whimsy? Santa brought you a sock! Gasp! But you know it wasn’t Santa because you saw your uncle put the gift under the tree, etc. that’s how I feel. Except that instead of letting you have your fun, I’m deemed an insensitive bastard for explaining that people do not actually want to solve this mystery, and they don’t want you to question whatever it is they e decided upon.

I have no interest.

As for Parsons, I’ve noticed a recent resurgence of Nicola Tesla nonsense too. New new wave spiritualism awakens. Ugh

[cowboyjen68]

Hello and happy Lesbian day!

I've just discovered your blog, and I'm so happy i did!

My country is Quite homophobic, so are my relatieves and even many of my peers. Sometimes i feel very lonely, especially considering that i've never met another lesbian in the wild (and i've been around for 20+ years!), not even to mention butches

However, you give me hope and the thought of growing up to be as inspirational (at least in the looks) for younger generations as you are warms my heart. Thank you for sharing your life and being who you are!

Even though being gnc and a lesbian can be hard sometimes, i am really happy with the way i am and i wish everyone felt that way about themselves too

I am glad you found me as well!!

The Western World makes in hard enough to be a lesbian, expecially a visible on, ie butch or gnc or a maculine woman. To exist in places where it is truly dangerous and punishment is doled out by both society and the government is almost beyond my comprehension since I have not experienced that to any degree.

I think often of my friends who exist in other counties like Iran, and how much effort they put into being as unnoticed as possible. I hope for them to someday to have a place where they can thrive and be surrounded by the support and love of other lesbian, bi women and even some family members who reject the teachings of their own culture when it comes to gay people.

Even in my part of the world, I pushed back hard against the idea that I was a lesbian or that my masculinity was permanent, an innate and intregal part of me. I tried to think of being "butch" as a passing phase, a lingering aspect of Tomboyhood that would fade as I matured. I questioned my interests, my actions, my clothing and my connection with other women. Was I broken? Was I supposed to be a boy and something got crossed or messed up? Why could i not just like what girls are supposed to like?

Then I listened to other girls, and women, and realized that many of them were playing a game. Pretending to love what our society said they were supposed to in order to garner the support and rewards that come with conforming. It just so happened that my very phyical presence was not ever going to fit in. It was not as simple as putting on a dress, because THAT made things even more obvious.

Once I learned the word butch and met lesbians of all ages who talked about how great it was to be one, to hear other women say they "look for the butch in the room as a safe person" I started to think of myself as unique but not "not like other girls".

I want to be that beacon in the world to others, expecially other lesbians and butches who don't see us in "the wild". Who otherwise feel isolated, alone and like a fringe element of society because they see no others who can relate to their experiences.

I often write with 14 year old me in mine. What did I need to see?? What truths about being a lesbian would have been benefitial for me to love who I am earlier?

I am doing my best and my promise is to be as honest and open as possible, even when things are hard to hear or not the anwer people want.

I am so glad you love and embrace yourself in a place where you have to be your own cheerleader, for now. I wish for you to find support from others in your life someday and I have every hope that it will happen.

(photo me in a dress, trying to NOT look butch---FAIL. And WHY did I think puffy shoulder were a good idea??) Circa 1984

[ddarker-dreams]

Re: Nexus V.

Barking, growling, scratching at the walls, kicking in doors, engaging in acts of extreme vandalism, relegated to a bystander as my mind constructs an immersive universe and rips it apart at the seams, cheering my psyche on in the background as it tears itself to shreds. As someone whose universal response to inconvenitences of any degree is to instantly self-destruct in a way that leaves as much collateral as possible, N darling is such a captivating ̶v̶i̶c̶t̶i̶m̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶c̶r̶i̶m̶e̶s̶ ̶w̶o̶r̶t̶h̶y̶ ̶o̶f̶ ̶m̶i̶n̶d̶s̶h̶a̶t̶t̶e̶r̶i̶n̶g̶,̶ ̶i̶d̶e̶n̶t̶i̶t̶y̶ ̶f̶r̶a̶c̶t̶u̶r̶i̶n̶g̶ ̶c̶o̶n̶s̶e̶q̶u̶e̶n̶c̶e̶s̶ ahem protagonist. Regarding the annotations at the end, she was only a little difficult to identify with, but that was just because her audacity comes in a different form to mine, but in a very acceptable and necessary way. And you were very right that the Horror of (percieved) Womanhood™️ binds all Afab individuals on an intrinsic level. Its so easy to identify with because it IS shared identity for a whole lot of people.

She's so nuanced that it's easy to root for her and become invested, though, regardless of how much you see in her beyond the physical aspect, which is also an incredibly meaningful of a trait for a MC to have. Spending so long with her commentary is both hilarious and endearing, too, so at a point it will become harder to NOT like her.

Anyway just phoning in to say I am so, utterly, not normal about your writing, the experience I've had reading has been ingrained in my psyche. Truly, words fail me in terms of any articulate feedback. The passion and effort it takes to maintain such a comprehensive universe and keep it at such a consistently immersive and relevant scale. And the characterisation??? Phenomenal. Genuinely superior in ever way to the massacre they made of recent 'canon' HCQuintet Lore (looking at you companion mission dialogue that contradicts all known character lore to date).

I have been put. THROUGH the wringer. Experienced the full cycle of the spectrum of human emotion. Gone through every stage of Grief. Ranged from being absolutely infuriated (in the best way possible, on behalf of Ms Phaeles who has been absolutely victimised) to tickled pink, to devastated and hopeless, to. Aww they're kissing again Yknow what, if you ignore all of the context, actually this wouldn't be so bad .

Is this what it feels like to be laundry. Round and round the washing machine I go being thoroughly deprived of all the accumulated layers of defense I have spent my time cultivating.

I feel both a sense of closure and the looming foreboding feeling that I will devour any further scraps with no regard to the delicate balance I need to maintain to function like a human being for the foreseeable future. I feel like im experiencing a fraction of what an addict that has to be weaned off after exposure feels ajdjsksnsnsn

What a ride, thank you for all of the flavour you've added to my life recently, I am deeply appreciative and I hope I can reflect even a fragment of that in this absolute nonsensical rambling < 3

FJGKSJFDKL !!!!!!!!!! i loved reading your thoughts on n darling, she's a protagonist i care for deeply now 🥺

'Spending so long with her commentary is both hilarious and endearing, too, so at a point it will become harder to NOT like her.'

this is what i was hoping for by having the story take place exclusively from her POV!! there were a few times i felt tempted to switch to kafka's perspective, but i stayed strong. since a main concept in the story is exploring minds, it made sense to me that the MC's emotional state and thought process is well-known to the reader.

'And the characterisation??? Phenomenal. Genuinely superior in ever way to the massacre they made of recent 'canon' HCQuintet Lore (looking at you companion mission dialogue that contradicts all known character lore to date).'

OH GOD the companion mission... i have no idea what was going on over there. very confusing storytelling, ig ?? the quality drop in writing felt tangible. not all of it was bad, but what was bad overshadowed any decent glimmers. i've always considered characterization to be the most vital aspect in fanfic, since characters are what inspire people to read/write them 99.99% of the time. blade was a bit tricky at first, but by the third chapter, i felt more confident writing him.

'if you ignore all of the context, actually this wouldn't be so bad'

this got me GJSKDLS so many of my stories could be summed up like that 😭😭

reading this was an absolute joy, thank you so much for sharing your thoughts!!!!!!!!!!!! 🥺💖💖💖💖💖💖💖💖

[static-sulker]

Tavs as an Origin Character (Pt.2)

ANOTHER ONE. I CAN'T BE STOPPED. From both posting about my baby, as well as making more tavs

This next one is Reef Solrane. Assassin rouge/Great old one Warlock high elf, very chill man but also is very much blind.

also, first one here! Next one here

Reef Solrane is my silly adult man who is my friend. He is a lot more mature and less of a goofster but I do still see him as yippie cat. Like Sniper from team fortress two.

He was raised in Silverymoon and very much not like the happy cheerful place. He's not evil persay but he isn't very chipper. More like a gambler type of good person. Has the best intention He lost his sight early in his life, about 23 years old. He was cocky and persuasive and stole from the wrong traveler, who actually was a very famous and ill-tempered Wizard of the Sword Coast. He ended up getting cursed, loosing as much as he stole. Which was his left eye. Kinda harsh punishment. He then has to live with it for about years at this point. Grew to gain incredibly well hearing and works around his disability. The Wizard, Morden comes in every now and then to see if Reef as "proved himself worthy of seeing whats right." Later on in their life, about 200s maybe, they gain contact with a mystical being from the far realms who wishes to strike a deal. If he gives up his other eye, he'll gain power beyond his own comprehension. Reef was a bit of a hungry guy for power, so he accepted. He gained shaded Pince-nez glasses, that gave him what is practically truesight and enhanced power, with it being a conduit for the godly beings power. He did begin to have highly increased hearing and overall learnt how to know his surroundings far easier in a natural state as well. He then spent his time killing for hire and some petty thievery from his clients.

If he was an origin character, he'd have a pretty strange questline at first. He'd be found in the little beach area right after Shadowheart, searching for his glasses. If you help him, he'll thank you and become able to join your party. When you see them, they'll gain attention to your steps at a pretty quick pace and call to you, asking if your friend or foe. They will have their eyes jammed shut and quickly get up from the floor when you get close. If you ignore them with a failed stealth check or say foe, they'll grow aggressive and try and either attack or look for their glasses depending on your response. If you say you are peaceful and not wish to hurt them, they'll calm down and try and find his glasses. Once he joins you, his questline would be called "The Blinded Thief" and the first part of the quest is to find his glasses. When he does (Stolen by an Absolute member at the goblin camp) He gains access to his warlock spells.

He's a bit hungry for power as he literally is the prime example of "selling an arm and a leg" for the stuff but in this case it's his eyes. It's less of an Astarion hunger of bending people to his will, but more of a type of hunger to make sure he is never in a situation where he can lose more than he has. In this playthrough, I romanced Astarion and I think it's very funny how their dynamic works. Astarion is the type of flirt that uses his form and longing glances and smirks to get people under his command. Reef can't fucking see. So Astarion has to improvise and Reef is completely in the know how that Astarion is not used to it. I also think Reef is a very good example for Astarion of what greed and hunger for power can do to people. They are very epic fail together.

In his epilogue, he actually has three possible endings. The "third eye" ending (He bets more of his body away to get more power, specifically his arm), the "truesight" ending (He finds a way to take control of the being he uses for power and uses it for good) or "Open-eyed" ending (he gains his sight back after proving himself to Morden). In the third eye, it can only be gained by learning in the sorcerous sundries vault that his ancient helper can take more deals if he commits a sacrifice of another body part in his name. It could give the party the strength they need to defeat the brain. If he isn't persauded to not do it or in a situation of the game where he emotionally is better, then he will cut of his arm in the name of the being, gaining an etheral one during combat that does WAYYY more damage. During the epilouge, in this ending he'll already be looking for a way to do more and seems now to be like Astarion in less of a protection type of power but more for the sake of having the power. To gain the truesight ending, you can avoid the vaults information and go through a route where Reef beings a "better person". He'll end up becoming a treasure hunter with the help of his truesight and hearing. he's happier and working around his loss of sight and progressively trying to relax more. If romanced (you can't romance for the third eye, he'll break up the relationship due to his newfound "view of a new future for himself" when he finally cuts his arm off.) He'll be hunting for treasure wherever the two of you go, seeing you as "grounding" or "giving him just enough beauty just through words to make sunsets or starry not matter to blinded eyes.". In the "Open-eyed" route, he finds the book and doesn't do it, realizing he doesn't need the power (either by persuasion by romanced partner/ally, or being a better person and persuaded in a good route several times before the event.) After this , he will gain his sight again. Well, at least his left eye, the right is still gone because of the godly being. In this, he just is a wanderer, seeing the world with literally new eyes. He sees the world and tries to get used to the colors of everything again. If romanced, he travels the world with you and just takes in how beautiful you are <3

He's a bit less tricky to romance than Astarion, but isn't a cake walk. Anything that is overly cautious or maybe a few tricks on people who deserve it are very common. Normally avoiding Jaherias drink is a good example. Kinda like shadowheart.

Voice-lines - approval greetings

Low: ""Stop staring and go on out with it." "What?", "I can hear you fidgeting, out with it." "Yes?", "What is it?"

Neutral: "Hmm?" , "What is it?" , "Oh, hey. Didn't see ya there.", "What can I do ya for?", "Hey there, kid."

Medium: "Just the person I was thinking about." "Can I help you?" "I can hear you, do you needs something?", "Didn't expect to see you around here-well-I suppose hear you." , "Why hello, my trusted companion."

Romanced: "What can I do ya for, Love?", "Ah, theres the voice I know and love." , "Now your a sight for sore-ears? That didn't sound right...", "Hello, Love. Do you need something?

Third Eye: "Oh, it's you. Sorry I was stuck in my own head, can I help you?", "...Ah! Sorry, you surprised me. Yes?", "*muttering to himself on plans idk* I'm preoccupied but I am listening." , "Great god of old, grant me this-Oh, hi. Need something?" , "I'd shake your hand but It's...busy."

Broken up after Third Eye: "Hello, my past sliver of humanity." , "Oh, my little flame, you have returned." , "I sensed you were here, I didn't expect you to speak though." , "You seem awfully cordial with me. I applaud your ability to see my newest perfection."

Truesight: "You look different then I imagine." , "You were saying?" , "Apologies, It's hard to focus with the newly added vision." , "Anything you ask." , "What can I do you for, my trusted companion?"

Truesight, Romance: "You look stunning. Just as I thought." , "My Love! You are truly a sight for sore eyes. Eye, I suppose." , "Yes, Love?" , "Im listening. And seeing. Oh this is going to take awhile to get used to."

Open-eyed: "Oh, hello there!" , "My most trusted companion, and wisest. What can I do you for?" , "Are you alright?" , "Thank you for coming by and helping me. You truly are a good friend."

Open-eyed romance: "My love, thank you for staying to chat. And many other things..." , "What can I do you for, love? I am in your greatest debt after all.." , "The voice of my savior, what can I do you for?"

Misc lines-

Selected

"I heard that..." , "Wherever my feet take me." , "Let's get this over with." , "Let's get going, everybody." , "I didn't expect to enjoy a walk like this." , "Let's hope it's not rough terrain..." , "Let's do this professionally, alright?" , "Trained for this." , "Oh, hello there." , "Didn't expect this today..." , "What was that?" , "Walking in a new place is definitely harder than I imagined." , "Now thats a smart idea."

Selected (Combat)

"Taking the shot." , "Now isn't this just terrible for you." , "Ain't you surprised, ha!" , "Fighting is just muscle memory now." , "If I can hear you, it's too late." , "heard that..!" , "let's make this quick." , "You shouldn't have done that." , "By the ways of the old one, You'll be on the floor before ya know it." , "Not the best luck for you." , "Aim for the eyes." , "Oh, sorry mate. You got me on a wrong day. For you." , "Your blood will clean my blades." , "I like where this is going..."

Movement

"Thank goodness for truesight." , "Let's hope it's this way." , "Don't bump into a tree please..." , "Keep going." , "A nice jaunt." , "Let's hope for smooth terrain..." , "Keep up everybody! I need eyes ahead." , "Right on time." , "Easy." , "One foot in front of the other..."

Low health

"I need some help over here!" , "HEY! Somebody get over here and heal me!" , "I'd say the light was fading but-hells this is no time for jokes." , "Everything sounds...foggy.." , "That was too close..."

After Short rest

"A little shuteye was nice..." , "Time passed a little too fast." , "Back to the job." , "Welp, time to start moving again."

Character deaths

(Tav) "Oh hell, it can't be you!" , (Durge) "You can't die just yet, you have people to slay!" , (Astarion) "Astarion, don't you bleed out yet, we need you!" , (Gale) "GALE! Not yet, oh hells not yet." OR with low approval on Gale Origin "don't explode don't explode don't explode..." , (Shadowheart) "Stay here Shadowheart, we'll help!" , "KARLACH! You can't die out now!" , (Wyll) "The Blade can't break just yet!" , (Minthara) "You have so much more to do! For better or for worse, you can't die!" , (Halsin) "HALSIN! don't shrivel up now...!" , (Jaheria) "Jaheria! Don't give up yet!" (Minsc) "Minsc can't die! not now!"

I SPENT WAY MORE TIME ON THIS ONE GOOD GODS.

[muselexum]

@akagamiko​ sent: [ LAST ]: a letter sent in the aftermath of the writer’s death.

letters -> [meme]

When Shanks walked into Akane’s room on the Red Force, he could almost be fooled into believing that not much of anything had changed. It still looked lived in, as if she could walk through the door at any moment. A part of him hoped for it too, no matter how irrational. Maybe if he just spent enough time waiting then maybe, just maybe, for once in his life he would be spared the grief of being left behind, and she would walk through the door. 

But she wouldn’t.

And as he sailed to where Whitebeard, Ace, and her other fallen crewmates were laid to rest so she could be by their side, he wondered if things could have ended up any other way. If only he had known about her sooner, if only he had protected her more--

If only he had never parted ways with Eliza.

But the world wasn’t fair, and the world wasn’t kind. He knew that. Lived by it. Still, wasn’t burying the daughter he had only just discovered too cruel? His and Eliza’s daughter. From the moment he saw her, he knew that she was theirs and he had loved her beyond comprehension. He hadn’t known that such a thing was possible. His world had shifted, but it had felt so natural and right. She was his daughter, and it was like twenty years of lost love flooded into his heart all at once.

He had failed her.

As he sat on the corner of the bed, staring off as his mind threatened to consume him, his eyes were drawn to a piece of folded paper on her night table. He wasn’t sure what he felt in that moment-- both hope and dread. As much as he wanted to grasp onto any remaining presence of her, he wasn’t quite sure how he could handle reading her words post-mortem.

He leaned over, the high amounts of rum in his system making his fingers clumsy as he reached out to grasp the letter. He stared down at it, and that was when he saw it. The same ‘rune’ he had engraved onto Eliza’s necklace, written on the outside. A new layer of grief hit him with the realization that this had been prepared. A pre-meditated letter. Surely she hadn’t been expecting to die...? There was something about it that just made him want to fall on his sword. The idea that she had been preparing to die, and he had been right there clueless to it. 

He maneuvered the letter with his fingers, opening it up to see her handwriting.

Hey,

If you’re reading this then it means that I didn’t get to it first and rip it up. It’s a little weird writing this knowing that it’ll only see the light of day if I’m dead, but I’ll try. I owe it to you.

I want you to know that none of this is your fault. I chose this. You know, since two years ago I think I’ve been waiting for my time to die. I never wanted to admit it to myself, but I’ll finally admit it here. There’s a part of me that wants to fight to survive no matter what, but there’s also been a growing part of me that’s been ready for my turn. I thought it would get better with time, that I’d find something new to live for. I know a lot of the others have moved on, but I can’t. Every day I wake up and wonder why someone like me is still here and why someone like Ace isn’t.

All my life, at least since mom died, I was searching for something. I didn’t know what it was until I found the Whitebeard pirates- or they found me. They saved me. I felt like I wasn’t just living, but happy to be alive. Then they were taken from me, once, twice, then again and again until almost none of them were left. Am I cursed? I know it’s probably self-centered to think that I had anything to do with any of it, but everyone I come to love dies and I’m left wondering if maybe I shouldn’t love or exist at all. 

I love you though. Have I ever told you that? I’m sorry that I’ve been difficult about it, and I’m sorry that I’m leaving you behind after my whole spiel about wondering why I get left behind. Since we’ve met I’ve been putting you through hell haven’t I? I’m sorry. It was hard getting used to having a father, but I’m glad I finally knew what it was like to have one.

I know you’re in pain right now, but I want you to know that there’s nothing you could have done to change my decision to fight against him. I would have always found a way to do it. I needed to do it. I would never have peace if I didn’t. None of this is your fault. This daughter of yours was just a lost cause before you ever stepped into the picture. I’m glad you still did though. I couldn’t have asked for a better father. Thank you for loving me when I didn’t want to be loved. You did all that you could for me, please know that.

Goodbye, Akane

P.S. I better not be seeing you any time soon. Don’t do anything stupid like me.

[claylowe]

Sunday morning contemplation

The house is quiet. I’m drinking coffee and eating Lotus Biscoff biscuits. I’m ruminating on a quest I’ve been on for years. A quest no less significant than Homer’s own. Yet somehow I feel more like Sisyphus pushing his boulder up the hill than Odysseus trying to find his way home. I feel stuck in a cosmic game of hide-and-seek with my soul.

My soul has been a fugitive for years, expertly hidden in the house of mirrors that is my subconscious. I can sense it lurking somewhere between dream and daylight, coyly peeking around the corners of consciousness like a child aware of its inherent value, aware that the game is meaningless if it’s too easily won.

I’m in search of a fuller comprehension of the universe, but it’s not just intellectual satisfaction I’m after. When I say I’m seeking a ‘lifeline,’ I mean a thread of wisdom, a trail of breadcrumbs that not only informs but transforms. I’m yearning for experiences that shift my paradigm, that turn my understanding inside out and force me to see the world differently. This is not merely about accumulating facts or philosophies; it’s about internal change, like a caterpillar metamorphosing into a butterfly. I’m hunting for those ah-ha moments where I can almost hear the audible click of a puzzle piece snapping into place, where suddenly the abstract becomes tangible, and I find myself a step closer to the spiritual wholeness I’ve been chasing.

Between language and thought falls the shadow for me, a gap where words often fail to capture the full essence of my contemplations. It’s like trying to paint the complexities of a sunset with only primary colours; the palette of human language sometimes feels insufficient. This shadow is both frustrating and fascinating. It’s frustrating because it represents the limits of my ability to articulate these vast concepts I grapple with. Yet, it’s fascinating because it’s within this shadowy realm that the inexpressible resides–emotions, realisations, and epiphanies that defy straightforward explanation. This shadow becomes a sanctuary of nuance, a space that invites me to dig deeper, to refine my understanding, and to stretch the boundaries of both thought and expression.

Each layer of complexity I unravel in the quest for my elusive soul adds a new hue to the spectrum of my understanding. This journey collapses time in a way that defies the linear constraints we often associate with life’s progressions. Each moment of search, every flicker of insight, isn’t just a point on a timeline; it’s a layer, an overlapping of past, present, and future possibilities. It’s as if every question I ask in my quest unearths memories that shape my present understanding while simultaneously casting ripples into the future, creating a complex tapestry of interconnected experiences. Time, in this sense, becomes more of a spiral than a straight line, each loop a revisitation and refinement of what has been and what is yet to come..

In the end, I’ve come to understand that the heart of this cosmic game isn’t just about finding; it’s about the ceaseless, relentless act of seeking itself. The thrill of the quest doesn’t reside in a final ‘eureka’ moment but in the myriad ‘almost-there’ instances that propel me forward. As long as the ink continues to flow from the wellspring of my soul, as long as words continue to fill the vast emptiness with echoes of meaning, the search will not just continue–it will evolve. I am forever an explorer of the mind, mapping out uncharted territories within and vast landscapes far beyond the self. The terrain may change, but the quest is eternal. And so, like Sisyphus, I take joy in the journey, in the eternal push upwards, because therein lies the essence of existence itself I believe.

[1111jenx]

Hi jenx, here's a good idea for you! Why do you love the rising signs? I know you will have fun with this 😊 Looking forward to your reply dear.

Stop I absolutely love this!

Thank you for the amazing idea anon and yes let's get into it!🤍

🕊The rising signs & why I love them

Aries Rising: It's the passion in their hearts, its their zeal for their work. The way they're always the brightest, yet opt to remain observational instead of acting on their knowledge. The rosy tints on their cheek. When the sun shines on their faces, their eyes glitter. They were born with loyalty ingrained in their veins. Hilarious and laidback nature. I admire how they infuse love into even the most insignificant of details. The way they dress is laced with a meaning, the small gifts they choose for their loved ones are infused with affection. Everything they do is driven by true passion, not the warped kind that leads to people doing things for the wrong reasons. Just a courageous soul attempting to experience life to the maximum possible extent.

Taurus Rising: Their smile. The way their eyes curve like a gorgeous crescent moon is just breathtaking. Every time they give back to the community, their halo shines brighter than before. Socially affluent, with a constant flow of ideas for what to contribute. Adored by the masses and adored by me. I will be eternally grateful for having met such astounding souls. Ones that represent not only just beauty but also grace.  Sweethearts. Jokes that are really intimate and difficult to forget. Caring in all ways, and will never fail to make you feel heard and understood when you need it the most. 

Gemini Rising: Their ability to reason. Their sincerity. Their dolly beauty. Porcelain-like smoothness to the skin. How they are adorably different from everyone else I have ever met is beyond comprehension. Everything they come into contact with turns into a work of art. Eyes that are coated with virgin honey and a burning desire to know and understand more. Individual spirits who are fiercely devoted to the core of their being. They make my heart rejoice, and my romantic side comes to life as a result of our encounter. Inside jokes that feel so particular and never fail to make they chuckle, thanks to their sharp intellect. Smiles that light the nights and the days to come. Bless their precious heart.

Cancer Rising: Their unique perspective. Their presence adds cheers to the most dreary day. I love how they’re always very restless and selfless. The way their skin glows under the moon. Even when I’m not around them, I’m always thinking about them. The pink hue on their lips. The way they know the real meaning of love is divine. Will take you in and make you feel like you’re crossing the threshold of your home. Their beauty is all consuming and their energy is ravishing. Never stop being unapologetically themselves.

Leo Rising: Their thoughtfulness. It is necessary for them to never cease giving and giving. More committed than people realizes or will ever be able to understand. They take great pride in their ability to read people's vibes swiftly. They are more sensitive than they appear and more detached than you realize. They're constantly there, yet they also seem to be a long distance away. The capacity to bring a room to life by demonstrating how real and honest their heart is. Cast to be the sunshine in your life, they will travel to Mars and back to ensure that you are well taken care of. How their eyes spark when they push you to take that risk. Draw people in with their warmth and their humility.

Virgo Rising: Their devotion. How committed their heart is to what they believe in. When people have trust in anything, they will never allow that faith to be extinguished. How they show their people off when they are proud. They will make certain that you are aware of their affection. The kind of person who will stay up and hug you til your tears dry on their cheeks. They move with such determination that it appears as though they had the ability to take over the entire world. Voices that travel through matter and energy during times of need. Vitality that is contagious, and a personality that shines brightly like the glorious Full Moon.

Libra Rising: Their sensuality is undeniable. Their sense of humour is underestimated. It's remarkable how they're able to find humor in the most insignificant of situations. When they love someone, their love is like an orchard: fragrant, long-lasting, and breathtakingly gorgeous. It is their daring spirit that most people fail to see. What a fierce defender of heart love and truth they are. Either 100 or 0 all the time. When they're in, they're in for the long haul. They're more than simply a pretty face. They are so much more than that. I appreciate the way they message their close friends and family members every minute of the day, and the way they love like they have never loved before. They're incredibly intelligent and well-spoken in all they say and do. They understand me so well, it’s like they can read my mind. I love you guys and all that makes you you. 

Scorpio Rising: Their unwavering commitment to doing their very best in all they undertake. They're like a breath of fresh morning air, and I love them for it. No one understands themselves as well as they do, and they have impeccable manners. Actions speak louder than words, and theirs create a compelling tale about themselves. Irresistible when they blush. Their gorgeous, solemn character, as well as the fact that everything feels so effortless when you're around them. There's the ordinary, and then there's them. 

Sagittarius Rising: Extremely compassionate, and far more intelligent than most people believe. The most authentic parents within the circle of friends. Spending time with them can help you to feel more alive, like they finally learn how to live. They are courageous, they are motivating yet brilliant, and they are tremendously diligent. A fantastic sense of style and are really expressive and imaginative. Mindsets that are one of a kind. So  persistent, and I admire them for it. So vibrant and full of potential. It's lovely to watch them light up when they come upon something they appreciate.

Capricorn Rising: Intelligent and grace. All in one person. Their hearts carry the weight of this world and they do things with so much attention. Heavy is the head that bears the crown, they take responsibility like no others and they understand temptation more than anyone. They have so much control yet so much more to release. Hearts that yearn for goodness and always are glazed with not only sincerity, but also power underneath it all. Deserves all the appreciation in the world.

Aquarius Rising: Their presence is mesmerizing. They know how to challenge others and push them to be their most best selves. Minds that harbour maddening but also magic. Every time they grin, I feel as if a breath has been taken from my lungs. The way they command complete attention just by walking into a room. The way the corners of their eyes wrinkle when they giggle is very endearing. It's a pleasure to look at such beautiful things. Their goofy jokes are my favorite since they are so kind and inviting to others. Always glowing because it implies both inner and outer beauty. Energies that are like a shade tree in the dessert. Wherever they are is where I want to be.

Pisces Rising: A soul that exudes the type of beauty that transcends all boundaries and classifications. In a world of background noise, they are a cheerful melody.It all comes down to how they move. People are compelled to accept attention of them. So compassionate, as well as possessing spirits that are mature and knowledgeable. I admire the way their diamond earrings are outshined by their sparkling eyes . Being with them will make you feel as though you are taking a leisurely stroll along the country lanes of France. The taste of their presence is sweeter than the kiss of the morning star.

— Here are a few words I have on the Rising signs, all Rising are beautiful and dear to my heart in different ways. I hope you guys enjoyed this. Let me know if you want more content as such and I'll deliver:) All you have to do is ask boo.

love,

saint jenx🪐

© 2021 Saintz Jenx All Rights Reserved

[miscellaneous-obsession]

hi!! can I request the Dimitrescus and maybe Donna reacting the first time they see us wearing a dinosaur/unicorn onesie? this just came into my mind LMAO! THANKYOU :')

I had far too many ideas when it came to this ask, thank you Anon, writing this brought a big smile to my face :)

Apologies for not posting for a week, I wasn’t very well but now I’m back and writing!!

Donna:

Poor Donna has suffered enough in life, both of fear and frights, so a unicorn onesie would be a safe bet.

As Donna potentially is a seamstress, creating delicate, ornate outfits for her friends dotted about her home, it is safe to say she would be thrilled to try making the one-piece for you, given that she has prior knowledge regarding the fabled creature.

However, if the animal is beyond her comprehension or materials are more difficult than initially thought to acquire, she will turn to the Duke’s services to procure the item with her own money, despite your protests.

With either instance, Donna will feel an overwhelming sense of satisfaction and pride seeing your frame enclosed in the onesie. Her smile behind the veil widens, reaching her eye as you radiate pure joy.

She will find herself bundled into a hug instantly, possibly one with a spin if comfortable. A huff of breath will escape her mouth when set down, choosing to hold your hand as you utter praises and thanks continuously.

And we can’t forget Angie; she will have no idea as to what a onesie is nor a unicorn, but boy, once she sees you in your own, she all but demands a matching set.

Alcina:

Finding her significant other encompassed by the soft green material, deemed to resemble a dinosaur, didn't fail to bring a smile to red-painted lips.

Lady Dimitrescu quite frankly oozes composure, refraining herself from expressing her initial reaction of a scoff or laugh, knowing how it could be misconstrued or upsetting.

Favouring her grin and need to admire your beaming expression, the lady cups your cherub cheeks in her palms. Only when you mimicked a "Rawr," typically heard when her middle child tormented staff for pleasure, did Alcina chuckle, the moment calling for joviality. 

She herself would not desire a matching outfit, but she would be more than happy to purchase an abundance for you if needs must.

She is sure her daughters will catch wind of this new item of clothing, the certainty so high she has the Duke on standby with orders waiting.

Bela:

Confusion and curiosity. Both will be evident by her frozen stance as she rounds the corner.

Her response, albeit delayed, will come in the form of widened eyes and cautious steps, hands mapping the cotton-like fabric with care.

A verbal response is out of the question at first, until realisation dawns upon her that you are mimicking a dinosaur in this unique ensemble.

It is then that appreciation, particularly for the warmth it retains, is made known. Bela will not hesitate to whisk you off elsewhere, preferably a sofa or her bed, to cuddle and leech off of the heat she desperately desires.

The blonde will begrudgingly agree to have one purchased, a match to your own. Being coordinated with you, something commonplace to share with her sisters is thrilling.

Cassandra:

Cassandra will find it endearing, humorous, almost as she comes across you in a dinosaur onesie, acting fierce and ferocious.

The brunette laughs in delight as you pounce forward, making half-hearted attempts to bite her neck. Keeping you close, she holds and supports your frame in her arms, not wishing for the fun to end prematurely.

With minimal taunting and teasing, Cassandra takes your bait, seeing the creation of a challenge, a game of tag. Promised a thirty-second head start, you bound as fast as possible out of the room, struggling to accommodate your onesie with every step.

However, those spare seconds amount to nothing as Cassandra’s pace is unmatched. Rounding the corner, her giggles follow as she observes your altered gait and lack of balance, brought on by the new appendage of a tail that you subsequently stumble over.

Before colliding with the ground, Cass lurched forward, bearing the brunt of the fall. You watch as the brunette’s lips turn upward into a smile, teeth catching the light, proud to have won, “Hmmm, I think I am owed my reward, iubi.”

Daniela:

Dani squeals, rushing over instantly as she lays her eyes upon you in a unicorn onesie. Blood free hands come to caress the clothing, fingers raking through the multicoloured mane in awe.

In that very moment, Daniela will plead to hear of the fables in which unicorns exist and prevail, mirroring the spike in her curiosity and enthusiasm.

If cold, she has no qualms in attempting to share the space of your own onesie, choosing to cram her hands into the pockets or partially disperse into her swarm, a small proportion of which flit into the outfit, nestling comfortably in gaps of material. 

You can bet this redhead will demand an abundance of hugs while you wear the item and will even go as far as to commission one for herself to ensure that you both are a matching pair.

After getting her own onesie, she will parade the two of you around, flouting your relationship unashamedly before the castle’s staff, grinning like the Cheshire cat with every gaze cast your way. 

[diaryofassortedimagines]

~~~~~~~~~~only human~~~~~~~~~

emotion chip!data x neutral!reader

when i saw this gif i was like damn look at him BEG but now i’m like damn... that shit really hurt right in the heart bro and then i felt like the most terrible person ever for sexualizing it in a previous post. ANYWAY now i’m gonna write a fluff/angst imagine where you help data come down from a panic attack from all his emotions. ALSO THE UNIFORMS IN THE TNG MOVIES ARE G R O S S so dont imagine him in that as a form or respect for my work 😌 also yay! for they/them pronouns

summary: big days are something data still has to get used to now that he’s had his emotion chip fitted. after an eventful week, data comes to you with his first genuine breakdown.

warnings: fluff, data gets big sad, angst

——————————————————————————

data, who had just been ordered to sickbay, took wide steps down the hall, desperate to find out what was wrong with him. it had just occurred to him he had stopped breathing. of course, he had no reason to, but it was a part of his programming, a way of making him more human. he had never experienced this malfunction before. over and over, he replayed the events that took place on the bridge where it all started, trying to find a root cause, but all had been normal. good, in fact, it was the first calm day in a while. he felt like everyone was looking at him as he walked, and despite there only being a few people, he still felt like a spectacle. the yellowed eyed, emotionless android, having a breakdown. data was cause for attention even before his emotions, but now it felt like he was always being looked at by someone. he was so close to sickbay before his steps stuttered and he stopped; he just couldn’t bring himself to enter, like some deceitful force pushed him back. even for a two ton android, it was a strong resistance.

on an impulse, he decided for himself that sickbay wasn’t the right place for him.

‘their quarters are close,’ he thought. ‘i won’t be long.’ he was having massive trouble disobeying the orders of the captain, despite doing it many times before. this felt much different, much more imperative... but you were just right there. he had made his decision. he had committed to disobeying and fleeing to your quarters.

the door had been programmed to recognize him and allow him to enter without verbal permission from you or a password, and the second the doors opened he turned his head frantically in search of you... but you were nowhere to be found. he knew it was impossible for him to have gotten the time wrong. his posture was slouched and his fingers twirled around and played with the other as he called your name.

“... lieutenant? y/n!” his voice had a whimper in it, a whimper that made him feel helpless. you were gone. only the worst possibilities of where you had gone occurred to him. ‘what if they are dead?’ and ‘maybe they left you.’ intruded his thoughts relentlessly. in a frenzy, he stumbled back against the wall and let himself slide down until he was seated against the wall and on the floor. his legs were pulled close to his chest and his arms extended straight, resting upon his knees. he took a moment to look around your room, it had a calming familiarity that he craved at the moment, before dropping his head into his arms. he wasn’t breathing, not at all, but perhaps the most alarming part was the realization he didn’t need to in the first place. it made him feel so artificial; like a failure. he felt the smallest of a tear spill down his cheeks. he hated that, he always had. he felt an impending sense of worthlessness that was foreign to him as he envisioned the way he must look at the moment. no longer the mighty, unique android. now he was just a bawling pile of circuits, reduced to an appliance. all his life there had been a use for him, and all his life he had been able to fulfill it sufficiently, until today.

he gasped frightfully and looked to the doors as they slid open and you came into view. you had hardly noticed him at first, he was so quiet. he caught your attention as he whimpered, once more, helpless. he was so delighted to see you. out of all things, your quarters, the bridge, his crewmates, you were the most familiar, comforting form of mass of them all. your casual wear was reminiscent of all the times he spent with you after hours- on the holodeck, at ten forward, in yours or his quarters. his brain was fast beyond human comprehension, luckily aiding in him quickly calming down as all the memories of you ran through his mind, even if he only calmed down a small amount. by the time you noticed him, you immediately stooped down to his level.

“data!” now that you were knelt beside him, you froze for a moment, unsure of what to do in the situation. his eyes had been fixed on you the entire time, and you figured what he needed now was some normality. although it strained you, you gathered the strength to smile at him. “sweetheart, what’s wrong?” you were right in your chosen course of action. he blinked away a tear and you could slowly see a smile spread across his lips. it was barely there, but there all the same.

“can you call me that again? please?” this time your smile was genuine. you put your hand on the side of his face and said: “you’re so very cute, sweetheart.” he let his head go limp, leaning into your hand. “cute, curious, funny- my goodness you’re hilarious.” with each compliment he inched closer to smiling back at you. “you’re my boy, data.” that word, ‘boy’, always made him feel so human, it was one of his favorites. even after you being there for just a few minutes, he felt himself begin to breathe again, you had grounded him enough to return his programming back to normal, and he smiled. “oh my, come here, data.” you sat beside him and let him lean into the side of you. you grunted a bit and let out a low chuckle; it seemed like he failed to realize how heavy he was. nevertheless, you pulled him close and looked down toward him. “i do not know what is w-wrong with me...” he whispered. “i am malfunctioning exceptionally.” you rubbed his cheek with your thumb. “you’ve had a long week, hun. we both have. this is only a natural reaction to pressure. what’s happening to you is called a panic attack.” “is that... b-bad?” you grinned “no, baby. it’s just temporary.” he looked back down toward the floor. “it was scary, y/n. it was terrifying to expect to find you here only to find myself alone.” kissing his head, you apologized. “i was in ten forward with deanna... if i knew what had happened i’d have been here in a heartbeat. would you like to talk about it?” he shrugged. “i do not really know what there is to talk talk about. i do not know what my breaking point was.” “understandable,” you began. “how do you feel, data?” that was his favorite question of all, and he remembered every question that had ever been asked of him. ever. “it has been exciting. it has not been bad recently, it is just a learning curve when it comes to emotions. in fact, it has been a very fun and eventful past few days.” he shrugged and smiled. you felt like you could be completely candid with him in this moment. “i like it when you smile, yknow that?” just for you, he looked up and smiled. “it’s all normal, data. everything that happened. you’re only human, after all.” you spoke with irony, but inside, you knew that human was exactly what he was.

[spockshocked]

On “This Side of Paradise”

Watching the original Star Trek many decades after it aired, I cannot help but feel as though the conclusions I draw from certain lines, scenes, and even entire episodes must not be exactly as initially intended. Despite the caginess, both in canon and in external commentary, that Roddenberry and others employ in their discussions of the nature of Captain Kirk and Mr. Spock’s relationship, and the subtext often burgeoning on text especially to a gay viewer, Spock’s perceived gayness extends beyond his ambiguous relationship with his Captain. Many of the cues that might cause a gay viewer to feel reflected by Spock come via the quirks of his Vulcan nature.

One episode which deals particularly with Spock’s internal conflict vis a vis his mixed heritage is “This Side of Paradise,” the 24th episode of the first season. Spock falls under the influence of alien spores that cause him to break down in what appears to be immense pain, before he confesses his love to a woman named Leila Kalomi, whose love for him had been unrequited for six years. Spock spends the majority of the episode under the influence of these spores, canoodling with Kalomi and giggling while hanging from a tree branch, until Kirk roughly snaps him out of it and the stoic science officer returns to himself. The spores appear to render their hosts relaxed, blissful, and dazed, an effect which can be undone through displays of strong negative emotion.

The most striking result of his time spent under the influence is the melancholy that seems to overtake him once the effect is broken. Once he has his bearings and realizes that Kirk has intentionally riled him so that the spores lose their hold, the first thing he says is:

SPOCK: The spores. They're gone. I don't belong anymore.

In the context of the episode, “belonging” is the eerie, almost cult-like description for one under the influence of the spores. Taken at face value, Spock’s comment is merely an observation that he is no longer being affected by them; Spock often makes somewhat banal comments seemingly for the benefit of the audience’s comprehension. However, this one seems to carry a double meaning. Consider Spock’s heritage: half-human and half-Vulcan, Spock constantly finds himself torn between two clashing cultures, truly “belonging” to neither. A substance that enables his full emotionality, effectively tipping the delicately balanced scales of his identity, provides a sort of relief. With the negation of its effects comes a return to the inner turmoil he experiences every moment of every day.

Spock felt like he belonged when he was able to feel and express romantic love for a woman. A simple reading of this might be that the ability to process emotion gave Spock a sense of belonging, but there is once again another, deeper analysis to be made. The assumption that gay couples would likely be commonplace by the 23rd century aside, the fact remains that the show was produced in the 1960s and there are no canon gay couples to be found. Therefore, it is possible to work within a metric where one might have a reason to remain closeted. If we approach Spock as a closeted gay man, then the female object of his affections becomes a key element in his feeling of “belonging.”

In typical Star Trek fashion, the exact effect produced by the spores is never elucidated. The implication seems to be that it provides some lowering of inhibitions and propensity for leisure. However, the spores could also be seen as pushing their hosts to pursue their ideal lives. Doctor McCoy gets notably more Southern, his accent thickening as he walks around singing the praises of the mint julep. It seems as though, while under the influence, he pursues things that remind him of the comforts of home. 

Spock, however, has no such comforts. Instead, he becomes something he could never be: able to reciprocate the feelings of a beautiful young woman who has pined after him for years. Once the effect of the spores is broken, he must then break the news to her:

LEILA: I love you. I said that six years ago, and I can't seem to stop repeating myself. On Earth, you couldn't give anything of yourself. You couldn't even put your arms around me. We couldn't have anything together there. We couldn't have anything together anyplace else. We're happy here. [crying] I can't lose you now, Mister Spock. I can't.

SPOCK: I have a responsibility to this ship, to that man on the Bridge. I am what I am, Leila, and if there are self-made purgatories, then we all have to live in them. Mine can be no worse than someone else's.

Spock’s response is cool, as we have come to expect from him, but notably more candid that most of his observations about his own experiences. He starts by claiming a responsibility to not only the Enterprise, but to Kirk himself. This could be a simple declaration of loyalty to his captain, as it would almost certainly appear to Kalomi, or an allusion to some repressed feelings that would only register to him. His next line, however, carries some serious weight. “I am what I am” refers to his Vulcan heritage, but as is often the case, it could also easily be in reference to his own homosexuality. Either way, he is explaining why he is incapable of loving Kalomi; the difference is whether he is incapable of love at all, or of love for a woman. His “self-made purgatory” is both his entrapment between his Vulcan and human halves, and his repression of his sexuality. 

Spock rarely speaks about his mixed heritage and the internal conflict it causes him, just as he rarely speaks of his own emotions at all, but it takes its toll on him. Briefly finding relief from this conflict only makes the return to it that much more difficult, causing him to be even more terse than usual. Kirk even points out that Spock has been quiet about the experience:

KIRK: We haven't heard much from you about Omicron Ceti III, Mr. Spock.

SPOCK: I have little to say about it, Captain, except that for the first time in my life I was happy.

Spock has spent his entire life trying and failing to completely repress his human emotions in an attempt to become fully Vulcan. When he finally has the chance to experience them in full, he breaks down in pain at the wave of repressed emotions before he finally experiences untainted joy “for the first time.” However, that is not his authentic self either. Neither a logical Vulcan nor an emotional human, he is eternally trapped between worlds, and was only able to find joy in a brief and unattainable fantasy. He is so discontent with his own nature that he cannot be happy as he is.

To a closeted viewer, this final line of the episode, delivered as dryly as always, is heartbreaking. The first time in Spock’s life that he was happy was when he ignored an integral part of himself that brought him pain in order to live a moment of a life that he could never have. To those who have repressed their sexuality, convincing themselves that they felt attraction to those of another sex because it was what would make them belong, watching Spock find joy in this fantasy only to be crushed when he must return to reality is painfully familiar. 

Analysis of Spock and Kirk’s relationship is generally sufficient to read them as a gay couple. When Spock is viewed in isolation, however, he still comes across as gay to many viewers. Spock’s innate perceived gayness relies not on his attraction to men, but on his repression of his true self and of the emotions that he cannot bring himself to face. While chalked up by the show to his half-Vulcan heritage, it still strikes a chord in a very human gay viewer. 

[singofsolace]

In celebration (and mourning) of Jill Murphy, I am taking stock of my own relationship to The Worst Witch and what it has meant to me.

In light of the recent deaths of Jill Murphy, the author of The Worst Witch book series, and Una Stubbs, the original Mrs. Bat, I have a lot of feelings I'm working through this morning. I'm crying as I write this, so it might not be as eloquent as I want it to be. I'm sorry in advance.

It's hard to articulate what The Worst Witch means to me. I've read the books and watched both the 1998 and 2017 television series. They've provided me endless hours of entertainment and inspiration. I've spent countless hours writing stories inspired by Jill Murphy's creations, and I really can't express how much her work has helped me in my worst moments.

To this day, there is one scene that never fails to make me cry:

I remember how I felt watching this the first time. Seeing this scene unlocked feelings in me I had locked up for a long time. It showed me how an adult should handle a conversation like this, even though as a child, no adults in my life had ever treated me with this kind of respect. It showed me that it was possible for an adult to receive criticism--even criticism they disagree with (like when she reacts pretty strongly to Mildred saying that she doesn't like it when she shouts). No adult has ever in the history of my life accepted criticism like this without some sort of retaliation, deflection, or just complete denial. (Key example: "I didn't say that, but even if I did, I didn't mean it like that, and even if I did mean it, it was your fault because.... blah blah blah")

There was such a... I don't know... softness to this conversation, even as Miss Hardbroom is explaining all the reasons she gives Mildred a hard time. I love how Constance allows Mildred to have her say, because as a child, adults never treated me like my thoughts and opinions mattered to them. In this scene, Constance allowed Mildred the opportunity to criticize her freely. (My mother and father and teachers would never?!?!). It was nearly beyond my comprehension that an adult would do this. I'm crying harder just thinking about it, and that's that on childhood trauma.

Anyway, when the new Worst Witch series came out, I wasn't expecting to fall in love with it as much as I did, but Raquel Cassidy won me over as the new Miss Hardbroom. And when Pippa Pentangle was introduced, I fell hard for their beautiful, complicated, not-so-subtly sapphic relationship. And while I didn't enjoy where the series winded up going, I will always be grateful that the first two seasons of The Worst Witch exist for me to revisit whenever I desire.

And now, taking stock of my own writing, specifically my hicsqueak The Proposal fic, it occurs to me that the date I last updated it is significant. March 8, 2020. I stopped publishing the week before the world (or at least my small section of it) shutdown. I was teaching a college-level creative writing course at the time, and little did I know that after that week, I would never see my students in person again.

My world changed. Everyone's world changed. And I tucked the fic into a drawer, unable to look at it. I've revisited many times over the last year and a half, and even got donation-commissions to update it by several people (for my failure to do so, I am very very sorry). There was something about that fic that represented "before" for me. The Proposal was "before" everything fell apart. The Proposal was "before" I was separated from my students. The Proposal was "before" I was excessed and lost my teaching job. The Proposal was before I spent every day worrying about my extended family and friends falling ill with a virus I didn't understand. The Proposal was before I lost all faith in humanity, with people refusing to wear masks and get a vaccine simply because they didn't want to.

Before the pandemic, I truly believed that if a global crisis happened, people would go out of their way to help each other. I believed protecting our grandparents and the immunocompromised would be more important to people than the personal discomfort of wearing a mask, social distancing, and getting a vaccine to help protect yourself and others. I suppose you could say that over the last year and a half, I became completely disillusioned. I hated my neighbors more than I loved them. Huge rifts formed between family and friends over covid safety. My country saw the first NON-peaceful transfer of power in our nation's history. The Black Lives Matter movement made the nation confront centuries-long injustices that we still haven't been rectified or resolved.

The world came to a boiling point, and I thought, "surely, this can't last? surely, things will get better?"

They haven't.

It might sound silly, but for a year and a half, the failure to update this fic has been a major source of sadness and frustration for me, and I feel that it's very much related to having my faith in humanity completely ripped out from under me. The fic represents a part of my life I feel like I will never be able to return to.

And yet, here I am, sitting in the midst of a tropical storm, desperately wanting to return to my story, and crying over it rather than making any progress.

I don't know why I'm sharing this. But the news of Jill Murphy's death has triggered a lot of emotions I don't know what to do with. I'm sorry for rambling, but maybe someone will read this and understand.

[inkdemonapologist]

Tfw it’s like 6am and your penpal shows up at your hotel room but he’s like partially a demon and also won’t stop smiling????

Hi again Allison we’re all Very Normal

[BatIM Call of Cthulhu Masterpost]

ANYWAY HAVE SOME, OUT-OF-CONTEXT QUOTES for Session 6!!

[Sammy is played by me, Joey is played by Boo (inkyvendingmachine), Henry is played by Maf (inkcryptid), Jack is played by Mochi (whatyouwantedmetosee) and Thren (haunted-hijinxer) is our GM!]

[GM] You said you were there for... inSPECTION?? [Jack] In hindsight, that must've been a HECK of a Fast Talk considering half the group is in pyjamas.

[Henry] It wouldn't be the first time someone tried to sacrifice Henry.

[GM] *about Sammy's sacrifice attempts* He was very polite about it. [Sammy] Yeah, he was! [Henry] He was very polite, he gets points for politeness. [GM] And then he got yelled at, so unfairly! By someone. [Sammy] And then melted! So everyone was on the whole very rude about it. It's your own fault he's like this now.

[GM] We'll say it's ajar, how about that? [Joey] Oh, I thought it was a door.

[Sammy] You can spend Luck!! [Jack] Do I want to use Luck points, though? Here's the problem, I'm the person who finishes the JRPG with twelve thousand healing items, and has used TWO. [Sammy] Here's my counterargument: if your Luck gets really low, you start failing Luck checks, and bad things happen to your character. [Jack] ...that's a perfect counterargument, I'm going to do it.

[GM] You both spot the hat with the press card! Lying on the floor, over by one corner of the sliding doors. [Jack] Oh that's BETTER than taking sanity damage! [Sammy] EMOTIONAL DAMAGE!

[Joey] There's another jug of space juice. [Sammy] I don't want space juice!! I WANT PAINT.

[Henry] *tired* Hey, Sam. [Sammy] What providence, my little sheep! [Henry] ...Good to see you too.

[Sammy] Go into the other room and introduce yourself! [Joey] With two hats on. [Sammy] ASSERT DOMINANCE!

[Jack] Jack is going to take the hat. He's going to have, uh, at least one emotion. [Jack] Maybe more [Jack] Imagine

[Joey] Joey is immediately going to clamp his hand onto Sammy's shoulder, and ask him if he can feel it. [Sammy] UHHH? His... hand...? [Joey] Not-- No, the stone. [Sammy] OH

[Jack] Jack, how are you going to communicate this if one of your hands is taken up by a hat? [Joey] Interpretative dance! [Sammy] Put hat in elbow while writing, you can juggle stuff, [Henry] Put the hat on. Over your other hat.

[Sammy] Sammy will scurry with or without the sheep, but they are his navigation system, so,

[Joey] That is a place we are known to be by the people who tried to... murder us?? Or something. Snake us??????? [Jack] (Snurder.) [Joey] Snurder us.

[Henry] We're just gonna grab our stuff and head out and... let you finish dealing with the sNAKE, I guess!! [Jack] (the snake has already been dealt with!) [Henry] Okay, but the aftermath of the snake! The snaftermath.

[Sammy] In case we get grabbed by an Angel [Sammy] the much less well-liked sequel to Touched by an Angel,

[Sammy] You traitorous sheep, this is not what I asked you for! [Joey] Do you want to die. Is that what you’re interested in?! Just, sacrificing yourself, without doing the proper rituals, not getting anything done--?! [Sammy] What do you know of proper rituals?! [GM] (....quite a lot, actually,) [Joey] Yeah! Much more than you do! And I will make an intimidation roll! [Jack] Boys,... you’re both pretty,... it’s okay....

[Joey] We’re pretty sure there’s Angels.... does she know how to kill them. [Jack] What a first thing to—! No pleasantries, no “please excuse the fact that I’m grinning and have weird eyes and also Sammy has weird eyes and also I have a tail,”

[GM, speaking for Allison] She would like to know what all this is about! [Joey] We’re having problems— [Sammy] He tried to contain something that should not be contained!! [Joey] Shut up, Sammy! We’re having problems!

[Joey] Joey is just going to quickly explain that he.................... [Joey] *mumbling to himself* how do you explain this???

[Joey] Um... I guess he’s going to mentally ping Bendy and ask him how he would describe himself? Like... what was his job, I guess?? Security??? [GM] Bendy says that he’s an eldritch construct that was defending a cult... and now he is something else! That he doesn’t have a word for. [Jack] !! He’s a FRIEND now!!! [GM] He’s friend-shaped! But not at the moment. [Joey] No, right now he’s Joey-shaped.

[Sammy] I mean the whole body is garbage but you apparently want Sammy to wear clothes, so whatever.

[GM] Allison adds that she thinks she might have a connection to get you guys in to the party, if you need that -- [Joey] Wouldn't hurt! [GM] -- so long as you don't mind pretending to be the help! [Joey] ...hm,,,

[Joey] Admittedly, having two angles would be better than one. [GM] Two angels, what? [Sammy] There's an "I can be your angle or yuor devil" joke somewhere in this campaign...

[Sammy] Well, we've learned how to bind an angel, [Jack] Gotta teach the angel proper binding techniques!

[Sammy] Sammy will thank Allison for her help. [Joey] Oh god, there IS something wrong with him!

[Joey] Let's go get Norman tied up in this more! So we can hire him later!!

[Sammy] Jack over there like "I hope it doesn't taste bad" meanwhile Sammy's been grimacing as he swallows paint for the last two hours, [GM] Ink is much better, didn't you know! [Sammy] Ink is better... this tastes wrong... [Joey] I just really love the idea of Sammy longingly looking at Joey's flask like, "aw, you have the good medicine, mine tastes like the terrible cherry crap!"

[GM] So you all have shots with Allison! Space juice shots. [Jack] What a way to start the morning!

[Jack] These boys are gonna heckin' pass out! [GM] They got, what, maybe 3 hours of sleep? [Jack] And all of Jack's sleep last night was sat upright in bed, with his glasses on, surrounded by notes, [Henry] sounds like college [Jack] You're exactly right, Jack's sleep was exactly like college! He was stressed, he didn't sleep for very long, he was surrounded by notes, Pete was there,

[Joey] *saying farewell to Allison* Keep yourself safe; don't go out where we're going. [Joey] Unless we don't return, then pLEASE COME OUT AND FIND US,

[GM] Norman says, "Oh, I see you're back with your friends, Smiley." [Jack] I love the concept of Norman calling Sammy "Smiley," and then Prophet Sammy, in response to this, smiles, and Norman has no idea if this is like, weird? or some kind of strange power move to assert dominance.

[GM, as Norman] When I said I saw things happening on the 2nd, you're the one that went pale! [Joey] How's Prophet Sammy's cONCEPT OF TIME, [Sammy] Not great!!!! [Sammy] I don't think he... knows when the 2nd was.

[Sammy] Forgive my memory. That doesn’t ring a bell! [Joey] He's... a little affected right now. [Norman] ...you don't say...

[Joey] Listen. I have $75 here for you, to take us out to the lake, as soon as possible. [a couple minutes of googling later] [Jack] That's equivalent to $1,464. Joey. [Sammy] CAN YOU IMAGINE?? "We need you to take us to the lake please" "Alright, but explain to me what's going on?" "SORRY, the guy who said that is clearly HIGH OUT OF HIS MIND, here's A THOUSAND DOLLARS, take us to the lake please!" [Jack] its a trip to the lake, what could it cost, $75 [Joey] *laughing* I should've looked up how much money I was saying before I was saying it, [Sammy] No, no, I think this is accurate to JOEY DREW

[Henry] Henry is just watching everything happening... [Sammy] Henry is waiting for the next video game breadcrumb trail to show up. [Henry] YEAH, [Jack] “Oh! Looks like I need to put three gears in this thing!”

[Sammy] I'm so angry on Sammy's behalf that you've made him meet two different people like this.

[Joey] If he does ask for money later, Joey's going to give it to him, because he has no concept of.... money.... [Sammy] No concept of GIVING OUT ONE THOUSAND DOLLARS [Jack] Can Joey Drew meet me, in real life, please? [Joey] I don't know if you want that to happen,, that might be more of a curse,,, [Jack] I'll take a curse! Gimme money! [Sammy] vOICE OF EVERY JDS EMPLOYEE

[GM] And you've got suits, and dress shoes...... [Sammy] We are not dressed for this. [Sammy] ...We are more dressed for it than we were earlier. I promise you, Norman, this is a step up, believe it or not.

[Sammy] Probably making a face because it tastes bad. [Henry] Tastes like paint! [GM] The cab driver might just wonder if that's a new drink this year. [Sammy] If nobody jumped on top of Sammy to stop him from using his mouth, he would probably say something with vibes of "this is beyond your comprehension" [Joey] Joey might try to stop that, and instead just be like, “Yes. It is.” [Henry] He's high. Don't worry about it. [Jack] Driver's just like "oh, I should try some of that when I get off work, seems like a good time!" [Sammy] You should! It'll open your eyes! [Sammy] (I'll stop evangelising the cab driver now.)

[Henry] Henry is: Sims Tense Moodlet.

[Joey] Joey instantly does not like this, and it is apparent on his face, if Sammy can see it in the mist. [Sammy] Probably not! [Jack] You could say he mist it!

[Henry] We need to hurry—! [Sammy] *screaming* THATS WHAT IVE BEEN SAYING!!!!!!

[Sammy] Sammy will be, sort of... whispering reassurance? I don't know how reassuring it actually is, [Henry] I'm sorry Sam, nothing about you is reassuring right now. [Sammy] Just kind of like, hush hush, come my sheep, that sort of thing, [Joey] Prophet ASMR Channel! [Jack] I'm sure Jack would appreciate this actually, it's a shame he's not the one getting this, [Joey] No, he's getting whatever comfort Joey can offer, which, uh, [Sammy] Well, and I will say, he's not like, whispering it in Henry's ear, like-- [Jack] I don't think Sammy in any form is capable of whispering. [Sammy] ...y'know [Sammy] that's fair

[Sammy] Well everyone's doing alright! We're doing great, it's going great! [Jack] Nooooo! No going great! I want more insanities! [Jack] ...I can stop at any time, I swear.

[Sammy] We can hold Norman's hand if you want, like, that's up to you. [Joey] Roll for gay, Norman! [Henry] Take him to dinner first,

[Sammy] This is such a bad idea that we're having.

[Joey] Joey is probably at this point holding onto someone else to guide him, and more in his head than not. [Sammy] Sammy's out of hands at this point, Joey, so you'll just have to figure this out. [Sammy] Got his hands full of sheep.

[Joey] Did Norman drink the juice. [GM] Did he...? Did he...... I think he was convinced enough by “this drink will save your life” that he does take a drink! [Joey] I'll roll intimidation if that helps! [GM] Yeah, you can roll to see how quickly he does it, or if he drinks enough of it. [Joey] *rolls* That's an EXTREME SUCCESS. [GM] Well, there we go; there's a preview, Norman, of your work environment!

[thejakeformerlyknownasprince]

Re: Star Wars prequel novelizations - the Revenge of the Sith book is genuinely one of the best things I have ever read and changed my life.

THANK YOU, anon, for reminding me about the Revenge of the Sith novelization.  I just reread it, and my crops are watered, my skin is clear, and — I cannot overstate this — I actually remember why I love Star Wars.  That love has been for too long stolen by The Fandom Menace sucking the life out of those movies to invent a new definition of suffering while digesting them slowly over a thousand years.

Revenge of the Sith by Matthew Stover is one of the greatest works of adventure fiction I have ever read, and it continues to inspire the way I write action sequences and character conflicts.  It does so damn much to transform a movie that is, to be honest, just okay.  There are a couple of big additions from the novel that make the whole Skywalker saga richer, and there are about five hundred little tweaks that deepen the lore in a way that shows that Stover loves Star Wars to the core.

First big addition: having Obi-Wan tell Padmé that he’s in love with Anakin. This is great because yay, queer representation!  But within the specific context of RotS, it also sets up the super-important contrast between Obi-Wan and Anakin.  Obi-Wan, Stover’s novel makes clear, is the quiet and unassuming embodiment of everything a Jedi is supposed to be: he’s selfless, loving, hard-working, and incredibly skilled with the Force.  Obi-Wan falls in love with Anakin, realizes that Anakin doesn’t love him back in that way, and... lives with it.  He spends time with Anakin, supports Anakin, enjoys Anakin’s company, and doesn’t act like the world will end if Anakin isn’t his.

Anakin loves Obi-Wan, in a siblinglike way, and he loves Padmé.  But he’s got a nasty habit of expressing that love through possession and control, through going behind Padmé’s back to “fix” her life without her permission.  Anakin falls in love with Padmé and immediately concludes that he cannot possibly live like this: they must begin a secret relationship, and he must both marry her and remain a Jedi.  Later he destroys the Jedi and eventually Padmé herself because he sees himself as having no way out of that dilemma.

And all the while, Obi-Wan is there in the background.  Also in love with someone with whom he cannot have a relationship, and just… dealing with it like an adult.  Because millions of people are in love with people who don’t love them back, and that’s just how it is sometimes.  It’s selfish to obsess over “having” their love at all costs.  For Anakin, that obsession with saving Obi-Wan and Padmé eventually leads to him killing them both.

When Yoda tells Anakin that he must deal with his fear of losing Padmé through letting go, Anakin takes this to mean “let her die.”  But what Yoda means is not “let her die,” but rather “love her the way Obi-Wan loves you: quietly, selflessly, and with a willingness to do what’s best for her, whether or not that means you get to have her.”  And Anakin never understands that, because Anakin’s view of the world is so intensely egocentric.

Second big addition: updating the Force to explain the Dark Side. Revenge of the Sith, even more so than any other Star Wars, is all about the contrast between the Dark Side and the Light Side.  Here, Stover’s contribution is brilliant; he makes the Dark Side egocentric and the Light allocentric.

Terminology! “Egocentric” in psych refers to the perspective that focuses on how the world affects you and how you affect the world.  At the extreme, egocentric thinking can be believing that a baby is crying in a deliberate effort to annoy you, or that every person in a crowded cafeteria will remember what shirt you wore when you ate there a week ago.  “Allocentric” refers to the perspective that the self is one of several disparate elements buffered around by the world.  At the extreme, allocentric thinking can be failing to realize that others are reacting to your presence, or viewing your own life as one thing you can give to help others.

Stover doesn’t use those terms, but he does describe how Dooku “drew power into his innermost being until the Force itself existed only to serve his will” (p. 64).  Later, Obi-Wan “gave himself to the living Force… the Force moved him, let him collapse as though he’d suddenly fainted, then it brought his lightsaber from his belt to his hand” (p. 285).  Dooku ultimately loses his fight against Anakin because he focuses on how everyone is responding to him, and misses that Anakin and Palpatine are beginning to build an alternate alliance right under his nose.  Obi-Wan ultimately wins his fight against Anakin because he allows the Force to shove him around, and sets aside his concern with both his own life and that of his best friend while fighting for the greater goal of peace.

Not only that, but Obi-Wan’s understanding of the Force moves beyond that of most Jedi.  He compares “the will of the Force” to “the will of gravity,” in essence stating that simply because it is beyond human comprehension doesn’t mean it doesn’t have its own rules.  One can be a Jedi without needing to understand the Force in the same way one can be a pilot without needing to be a physicist.  In RotS, we see that his refrain of “search your feelings” is a way of calling on a Force user to be mindful enough to accept realities that are already evident, if one can only allow oneself to have that knowledge.

Stover also uses these competing perspectives — allocentric and egocentric — to explain why the Jedi Order falls.  The tight control the Order exerts over the Jedi moves them away from the will of the Force and toward the will of the Council.  Its insularity creates a sense of superiority, which is the reason so many Jedi fail to see their clone troopers as threats until it’s too late. Stover tweaks the Jedi Purge scene to emphasize that the only reason Obi-Wan and Yoda survive is because of their selflessness.  Obi-Wan takes the time to befriend his alien mount, repeatedly confirming her well-being, and then she shields him with her body when his troopers open fire.  Yoda respects the Wookie command and puts himself in a position to assist rather than lead the resistance movement on Kashyyyk, meaning that when a fight breaks out between him and his troopers the Wookies don’t hesitate to side with him.  Yoda and Obi-Wan are the only two Jedi who truly give themselves to the service of others, and thus they are the only two to survive the Purge.

...and the million little favors this book does for the movie.

During the opening battle, having Obi-Wan tell Anakin to “use the Force” to fly a narrow trench and having Anakin roll his eyes at such an obvious suggestion.  It’s a callback to A New Hope, but one that drives home how much more the Force is integrated in the lives of Old Republic Jedi than it is in the lives of Imperial kids like Luke.

Fixing the minor continuity error from Episode III to Episode IV — why would Admiral Motti dismiss Vader as following outdated superstitions if there were millions of Jedi within his lifetime? — by explicitly stating that the Sith are considered a dead culture.  Ergo, Vader’s “ancient religion” isn’t the Force in general; it’s specifically the Sith creed.

Making Palpatine scarier and more seductive than he is in the movie.  Stover’s rhetoric about killing even the Jedi children is frighteningly rational and coherent, and he uses it to give Palpatine some stomach-churning speeches while corrupting Anakin.

Using the novel format for all it’s worth.  Stover skims over the physical-comedy elevator sequence in favor of having Dooku and Palpatine discussing their plans for the war.  He only tells us about Anakin’s conversation with Yoda after the fact, in scattered flashes as a panicking Anakin runs through the halls of the Jedi temple.  He gives us intense focus on Anakin’s mindset while trying to land the broken halves of Invisible Hand, less on what the ship itself is doing.  He cuts away from Anakin and Obi-Wan’s final battle, toward R2D2 and C3PO as they struggle to drag a dying Padmé into her ship out of a desperation to find some small way to help her.

Revealing that Palpatine spends the entire story trying to kill Obi-Wan.  This gets hinted at in the movie, but Stover includes several moments throughout Palpatine’s “rescue” from Dooku when Palpatine sets Obi-Wan up to die, and mentions like eight other attempts on Obi-Wan’s life as orchestrated by Palpatine.  It’s a great character addition, that Palpatine assumes he cannot get Anakin to fall unless he first eliminates Obi-Wan.

Expanding Padmé’s role in the movie (set dressing, and later refrigerator filling) by having her secretly organize and launch the Rebel Alliance right under Vader and Palpatine’s noses.

Those are just examples of how Stover clearly knows the Force, gets the Force, and strives to make the Force more internally coherent.  How he sometimes translates, sometimes preserves, and always improves the pacing and tone of the film.

I haven’t even touched on the FUCKING AMAZEBALLS imagery or introspection in the book yet, but this post is getting wicked long, so I’ll go ahead and leave it here for now.  Point is, all y’all should go out immediately and get a copy from your library and/or used bookstore, because Nonny is right and it’ll change your life.