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crimeboys · 2 days
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why does every job want you to have a drivers license… cant you want me for my loving nature
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bruciemilf · 2 days
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Every time the batkids get into legal trouble (damaged property fighting a villain, entitled old ladies being mad they didn’t get saved first, Damian sueing a classmate for proprietary rights over an OC he drew in class, the ONLY person they want to be represented by is Harvey.
Sure, TEHNICALLY he can’t practice anymore, but this is Gotham, and the law system is made of tangled wires. If you pull the right one, you’re in the clear.
The hardest plaintiff is Jason, by far. Ironically enough, he has the simplest cases.
“Okay, so, HOLD ON— I have to TELL you to get out of the way when Bane throws an ENTIRE truck your way? If you can’t dodge death, it deserves to have you, period.”
“Lady, I’m not going to save your weird ass dog/frog hybrid science experiment , — who BIT me, by the way, — over an entire bank full of PEOPLE.”
“Oh im sorry I forgot to pay for the overpriced 12 dollar latte while RUNNING FROM WILD MANEATING PLANTS. “
Harvey, pouring a violent amount of vodka in his coffee: your honor, my client just needs a nap probably
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sharkgirldick · 2 days
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My haters are mad that my voice is deep and my tits look fantastic.
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deloveusion · 2 days
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pure intention is sexy. strong boundaries are sexy. open communication is sexy. emotional intelligence is sexy. healing is sexy. conflict resolution is sexy. being consistent is sexy. being disciplined is sexy. being direct is sexy. being genuine is sexy. being private is sexy.
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superkursunaskr · 20 hours
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meowmeowriley · 22 hours
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John Soap 'grew up on a farm and raised meat rabbits, his favorite food is rabbit stew' MacTavish
But also
Simon Ghost 'everyone knows he's a shifter but nobody knows he's a rabbit shifter' Riley
That's it. That's the brainrot.
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dilerimki · 3 days
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kusukuna · 3 days
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are y'all seeing what i'm seeing ??? 😭
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shetheyslain · 1 day
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We have to frot to survive
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free-my-mindd · 2 days
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The more I learn the less I have to say.
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emptyjunior · 3 days
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Casts zone of truth and asks Tracker how the sex with her rich elf girlfriend is cause I have So Many questions and she seemed Tense
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bruciemilf · 2 days
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As a reward for helping with a problem, John Constantine wants to give Bruce a chance to talk to his parents. “I can only do one at a time, thought, so, who’s first?”
Bruce sweats, “That won’t be necessary.”
The batkids watch like ??? they’ve seen Bruce in every state a man could succumb and raise, but they’ve never seen him scared. Alfred calmly steps forward, “Please do.”
“No. Don’t.”
John “I don’t want peace, I want trouble, always” Constantine smells some opportunity for chaos and grabs it.
The result of that is the very angry spirit of Thomas Wayne fixing Bruce with the glare of the year, “You dropped oUT OF MED SCHOOL?!” The entire mansion seems to tremble.
Bruce yelps like a scolded cat and runs around the dining table, “I was busy with BATMAN—“
“ Che cazzo è un Batman, — Get back here! You were there a year, — Che cazzo fai, CHE CAZZO FAI?! Pack your bags, you’re going back.”
To the batkids’ absolute horror Bruce starts to cry, face watery and bright, and they finally understand what Alfred meant by tantrums. “Non voglio tornare indietro, papà!”
“Non mi interessa, cazzo, — wait till your mother hears about this, Harley graduated with HONORS. What exemple are you giving to my grandkids? Don’t — Don’t run, GET BACK HERE!”
Tim sweats in high school dropout, Dick sweats in cop, Jason sweats in drug lord, Damian sweats in art kid, and Stephanie just sweats in general.
“Should, uh… Should we help?”
“Are you kidding? I haven’t seen Jason this happy since the Queen died.”
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sharkgirldick · 3 days
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deloveusion · 2 days
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a partner who updates you because they know how badly you can overthink while waiting for them is top tier
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shopwitchvamp · 2 days
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just used the phrase "dick-based priorities" when speaking about foolish men & now my partner wants me to put it on a tshirt
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