#i'm just burnt out i guess

[drewbs]

i feel like i've been neglecting my art recently

[inkskinned]

you have to go to work so you can pay for your doctor, who is not taking your insurance right now, and if you say i can't afford the doctor's you are told - get a better job. it is very sad that you are unwell, yes, but maybe you should have thought about that before not having a better job.

(where is the better job? who is giving out these better jobs? you are sick, you are hurting - how the hell are you supposed to be well enough for this better job?)

but you go to the doctor because you had the nerve to be hurt or sick or whatever else. and they tell you that it is because you have anxiety. you try your best. you are a self-advocate. you've done the reading (which sometimes pisses them off worse, honestly). you say it is actually adding to my anxiety, it is effecting my quality of life. so they say that you are fat. they say that all young people have this happen to them, isn't it a medical marvel! they say that you should eat more vegetables. they say that you probably just need to lose a little more weight, and that you are faking it for attention.

(what attention could this doctor possibly give? what validation? that's their fucking job, isn't it?)

there is always a hypochondriac, right. someone always tells you about a hypochondriac. or someone who is unnecessarily aggressive during the worst days of their life. or someone looking "for a quick fix". or some idiot who wasn't educated about how to properly care for themselves who just abandons their treatment. and again, the hypochondriac, the overly-cautious hysteric. these people don't deserve to be treated like humans (right), and since you might be one of these people, you also don't get treated like a human. because those people can really fuck with the system, you now have to pay for it. and besides. you're actually probably faking it.

(more often than not, you find a 2:1 ratio of these stories. for every "hypochondriac", there are 2 people who knew something was wrong, and yet nobody could fucking find it. the story often ends with pointless suffering. the story often ends with and now it's too late, and it's going to kill me.)

you are actually just making excuses. someone else got that procedure or that diagnosis and he's fine, you should be fine too. someone else said they watched a documentary about other inspirational people with your exact same condition, maybe you should be inspirational, too. you're just too morbid. your pain and your experience is probably just not statistically concerning. it is all self-reported anyway, and you're just being a baby.

(once, while sitting down in the middle of making coffee, you had the sudden, horrible thought - i could kill myself to make the pain stop. you had to call your best friend after that. had to pet your dog. had to cry about it in the shower. you won't, but that moment - god, fuck. the pain just goes on and on.)

you know someone who went in for routine surgery and said i still feel everything. they told her to just relax. it took her kicking and screaming before they figured out she wasn't lying - the anesthetic drip hadn't been working. you know someone who went in for severe migraines who was told drink water and lose weight. you know someone who was actively bleeding out and throwing up in the ER and was told you're just having a bad period.

in the ER there are always these little posters saying things like "don't wait! get checked today!" and you think about how often you do wait. how often the days spool out. you once waited a full week before seeing the doctor for what you thought was a sprained wrist. it had actually been broken - they had to rebreak it to set it.

but you go into the doctor. the problem you're having is immediate. the person behind the counter frowns and says we're not taking your insurance. you will be paying for this out-of-pocket.

they send you home with tylenol and a little health packet about weight loss or anxiety or attention deficit. on the front it has your birthday and diagnosis. you think about crying, and the words swim. it might as well say go fuck yourself. it might as well say you're a fucking idiot. it might as well say light your money on fire and lie down in it. and the entire fucking time - the problem persists.

it's okay. it's okay, it's just another thing, you think. it's just another thing i have to learn to live with.

[noa-de-cajou]

Me : I'm adhd therefore I am disabled

My adhd : *Disables me*

Me :

[sleep-nurse]

sometimes i wonder why i've always felt the constant need to post art everyday and then i remember it's because i've always had this fear of being forgotten. of returning back to nobody, just like how i used to be before i made my tumblr main account. taking a 1 day break is painful (despite the fact that it helps a lot when i do it) because i feel like everybody will instantly forget about me, so i view myself as nothing more but someone who is here to produce content

[midnight-els]

Margo is everything. Sergei is just Ken.

[saltylenpai]

It's been a thousand years but I've been meaning to ask if your vision ended up getting better?

Sorta, Just gotten better at dealing with it, Still frequently deal with migraines, eye pain and sensitivity to light but its just how it is now.

Really after all the tests and talking to my doctor at this point its all kinda been chalked up to being fibro related symptoms.

[fluffypotatey]

when you want to write a character study but then start to doubt your understanding of the character :))))))))

[raposarealm]

Here are the quest victory quotes for Toyo! I took the screenshots myself this time.

Top: The people are okay, right? Middle: No matter how many times, victory’s a great feeling! Bottom: I hope the rice fields aren’t falling to ruin...

As always, friendly disclaimer that my Japanese isn’t the best, as I’m still learning. If you spot a mistake, please let me know, and I’ll fix it!

[beneaththebrim]

So...

Vermilion Bird gave me permission to publicly share the (heretofore secret) 《烈火浇愁》 translation I completed last year. My hope is that they will continue to translate and the availability of my own translation will not impact their translators’ motivation. Their translators are fluent in the source language; I am not, and my translations are learning translations. Nevertheless, I’ll share my translation on a limited basis, via gdocs.

Rules are the same as for my Shangxian translation, you have to show me proof of payment of the original to get access. In addition, since Vermilion Bird still has an ongoing translation, I will be strict and not allow any loopholes to this requirement.

To get access, send me an ask or DM with 1) [a screenshot of your recent spending record on jjwxc] OR [any volume of the physical edition of Liehuo you bought, with a timestamp post-it] AND, 2) [your fandom/burner email] (please do not send me an email address connected to your irl name, and please make sure it is a gmail account so that it is compatible with the invite/access system)

Intro document

Reference guide

If anyone notices mistranslations or grammar mistakes, please let me know--because this was a learning translation and moreover the first CN->EN translation I did, it is not at the same level of quality as my Shangxian translation. I’m hoping to revisit it at some point (and in particular compare the web edition to the print edition), though I have some other things that are higher up on my to-do list.

No reposting or unauthorized sharing of my translation. Please do not retranslate my work into other languages.

[keeps-ache]

brrrba pa pa da de do ♩

[katya-goncharov]

i'm feeling SO BURNT OUT right now and just absolutely horrible

[shadowglens]

everyone's out here with such cool, well thought out bg3 ocs and i'm just sat here like no thoughts, head empty

[autistic-shaiapouf]

Beginning to really wonder how much of my financial concern is manufactured and handed to me as opposed to something I'm genuinely concerned by

[viulus]

Finally tried out Ghost Trick tonight

[itspileofgoodthings]

me like ..... am I a bad teacher .......because I make class fun and my students laugh ........ surely this is wrong ........

[gilraina]

Keeping a spreadsheet with podfic stats is helpful, bc when I feel bad about not being very productive in the last couple of months, I can remind myself that I actually released 20 hours of podfic this year