#i've been trying to write this since the day i got admitted to hospital (over a week ago) bc it is a deeply held conviction i have

[thefabelmans2022]

did you ever notice how merry doesn't actually volunteer for the quest? pippin is the one who assumes he and merry will go, gandalf vouches for them both, but merry doesn't say a word for the entire encounter. it's a stark difference from his insistence on going with frodo in the conspiracy chapter, and i think it's because he's totally lost his confidence. in the beginning, he's very confident and fully believes he'll be able to lead the group through the old forest to bree with no trouble, and then they all almost die twice basically immediately. notice that when they get to bree, he refuses to go to the prancing pony with the others, deciding instead to stay in their room alone? and then of course he gets attacked by nazgul, which definitely doesn't help matters. i think by the time they get to Rivendell, he no longer believes himself capable of helping frodo. he'll do it, obviously, if frodo or gandalf or elrond or pippin ask him to, but i think he's at a point where he no longer believes he'll be any good.

[il-miele-che-scrive]

lando norris x reader

based on this request (because I take requests and I have to make it everyone's business): Hi not sure if you take requests but in case you do could you write reader x lando where y/n is a celebrity or an influencer and she drops subtle hints at who is her new bf maybe some fun facts about him like "oh he hates fish and I'm making a lot of fish for christmas" and eventually the fans are like "guys it's totally lando"

words count: 2.5k + fans' tweets at the end

author's note: my first request and it was so fun to write 🥹 also added a hospital scene from the time of Vegas GP so we could experience a bit of protective Y/n and painkillers-high Lando (I forgot about a fish scene)

edit: I've just realized I've messed up the dates so let's pretend the award thingie was in '23 instead of '22

A secret boyfriend

It was a normal Tuesday of 2023 when Y/n Y/l/n and Lando Norris met. Well, not so normal since it was the day Y/n won the first award in her musical career, and Lando had his first debut as an award presenter.

"And the winner is..." He opened the envelope and flipped it, as he held it upside down. "Y/n Y/l/n."

Y/n couldn't believe it at first. She looked at her best friend with tears in her eyes. They hugged before Y/n stood up and got on her way to the scene, still questioning if she actually heard her name or was it her mind playing tricks on her.

"Thank you," Y/n sent Lando a smile as he handed her the award, "are you sure it's for me?" She joked, trying to mask the anxiety she felt from the fact that now she had to give a speech while everyone watched.

"Absolutely, it's all yours. Well deserved." Lando said feeling a bit starstruck from being so close to one of his favorite singers.

Just this one simple interaction was enough for both Y/n's and Lando's fanbases to raise suspicions. However, what was unavailable to the fans' eyes were Y/n and Lando's interaction at the after party. Later the same evening, he approached her.

"Hey, congratulations again." He said with a grin on his face. "Your music is amazing, I couldn't imagine you not winning this award."

"Stop with the compliments, I'm gonna blush." Y/n laughed. "Nice to meet you. Lando Norris, isn't it?"

"Yeah, do you watch Formula One?"

"I'm going to be honest from the beginning and admit I did not, but I did my research and I just might start being a fan."

"If you're ever down for hearing firsthand gossip straight from the track, I'm at your service."

"I'd love to hear all the gossip over a coffe sometime."

"Let me give you my number then and I'll arrange something."

And so a few days later they had a coffee date. The date marked the beginning of a carefully hidden romance. They wanted to keep it a secret from the public eye, not wanting people prying on them, trying to estimate how long they'll last.

Keeping the relationship secret somehow came easy to them. They were seen on the coffee date indeed, however they made sure to have the next dates in private. The fans on both sides were literally clueless to the whole ongoing romance. Y/n had her tour, Lando had his races and it wasn't even a little bit suspicious how a lot concerts aligned with race weekends.

Unfortunately, one day Y/n went live on Instagram with her best friend. Unfortunately, because Y/f/n didn't know how to keep her mouth shut. Unfortunately, because Y/f/n gave away the big secret.

"You know, guys, we're gonna use lives as a way to spend time together," she joked, "I've been feeling a bit abandoned since Y/n has been spending so much time with her boyfriend. Even on tour and with his busy schedule, can you believe this?"

Y/n's eyes widened. "Y/f/n!" She scolded her friend.

"What? It's a joke, no worries, I can see you're finally happy and I'm happy for you!"

"Y/f/n! You weren't supposed to say that!"

But the damage was already done. There was nothing Y/n could say to save the situation. So instead she decided to start dropping subtle hints for the fans to guess. Maybe it was the right time to make the relationship public after five months. They couldn't hide it forever.

Y/n started the hint game when she was on Jimmy Fallon's show.

"Y/n Y/l/n, everybody!" Jimmy announced when the girl walked in and sat down on the armchair. "I haven't seen you in a year and so much happened during this time!"

"I know, I know," Y/n said with a smile. "I'm so glad I could make a quick pit stop here on my way to Montreal."

"I'm happy to have you here. You won an award, you got a boyfriend. How- how did that happen?"

Y/n chuckled at Jimmy's question, realizing it was the perfect opportunity to play the hint game. "Oh, life takes unexpected turns and sometimes you find yourself on a fast track to happiness."

Jimmy raised an eyebrow, sensing there was more to the story. "Anything you'd like to share about this mystery man?"

"You know, Jimmy, I've finally found someone who knows how to navigate the twists and turns in life."

The audience laughed and the speculations among fans skyrocketed as they tried to connect the dots from Y/n's playful hints.

The other time, Y/n was on a popular radio show. The host couldn't help but ask about the latest reveal of a big secret.

"You were left hurting really badly after your previous relationship," he spoke, "it's really good to see you finally happy."

"It was a big thing for me. Still is." The girl admitted. "My previous relationship made it hard to open up to a man like that again."

"What made you do it eventually then?"

"I decided life is too short for keeping things in the slow lane," Y/n chuckled, "and when you meet someone that can belt out a Taylor Swift song with the same passion as you, it's hard not to fall for them."

"So your mystery man is a Swiftie too? Any chance we might know him?"

"Oh, I bet many people who are listening right now would know him."

"Now you got us all intrigued, your fans wouldn't forgive me if I didn't ask for more."

Y/n grinned, "Well, he's practically flawless, except for one little detail. He's a scorpio. And let me tell you, when we're playing our silly little racing video games, his competitive scorpio side really comes out. It's all fun and games until his racing pride is at stake."

The host laughed. "I'm sure fans are already trying to guess who this mystery gamer is. And you, are you competitive?"

"Yes, totally. He's more experienced than I am, but it doesn't mean I won't try my hardest to beat him."

"Is there any trait you don't share?"

The girl nodded, "Yes, one thing I'm secretly jealous of. He's quite known for being able to fall asleep in the most uncomfortable conditions. I wish I could do that. I'm all about pillows and comfy blankets, but he can just doze off anywhere, anytime."

A few days later, in the warmth of Lando's bedroom, surrounded by the hum of city life outside the windows, Y/n brought up the topic with a playful glint in her eyes.

"You know, Lando, fans have been buzzing lately. It's quite entertaining."

"Well, you have started this yourself," Lando laughed, laying his head in his girlfriend's lap.

"Not me, it was Y/f/n. I just went with it and turned it into something fun for myself." Y/n defended herself. Her fingers started gently playing with Lando's hair.

"You do seem to be having a great time, leading your fans on and all that," he joked. "Are there chances they'll solve your mystery anytime soon?"

"I've seen a few tweets accusing you of being my secret boyfriend, but most people don't really believe that."

"What?" He sit up dramatically. He continued in a fake-offended voice. "Do they think I'm not good enough?"

Y/n giggled.

Lando's mock offense turned into a playful pout. "I can't believe they're doubting my boyfriend potential. I mean, come on, look at me!" He gestured theatrically at himself.

Y/n burst into laughter, "Maybe we should give them a little more to work with, stir the pot a bit."

Lando leaned in, placing a quick kiss on Y/n's cheek. "You're a master of turning chaos into entertainment, you know that?"

"It's quite a compliment, coming from a Formula One driver."

Lando flashed a grin. "Well, we both have our talents, don't we? Maybe we should drop some subtle hints during a race?"

And so they waited months for the Grand Prix in Vegas, because that was where they could start rumours about getting married. Sure, they could get married spontaneously anywhere, but there was no better place than Las Vegas.

Thankfully they managed to keep the relationship secret all these months, breadcrumbing Y/n's fans. After the Vegas GP, Y/n and Lando where supposed to go for an afterparty, get 'drunk' and then 'married'.

Unfortunately, they plans changed the direction a bit with Lando's crash. Y/n's heart sank as she watched the unfolding drama on the big screens. The thrill of the race was replaced with concern for Lando's well-being. Plans for the afterparty and the playful hints about a fake marriage suddenly didn't matter anymore.

Emergency crews rushed onto the track, the anxious seconds felt like an eternity as they worked to help Lando get out of his racing car. Y/n's heart pounded in her chest, the world around her blurring. The fact that he managed to walk away from the car was a small comfort.

Y/n's phone buzzed moment after Lando disappeared from her sight.

from: Lando

I'm okay, they're taking me to st vincent's hospital. Will update you soon. Love you xx

to: Lando

Be there in a second, see you soon

A shaky exhale escaped Y/n, she felt slightly relief and ran towards the exit. She was sure Lando wasn't okay, not after that crash, but at least he was conscious and walking on his own (although it could be the adrenaline). A moment later, when Y/n got into her own car, her phone buzzed again.

from: Lando

Yknow you could post a pic from the hospital, that would stir the pot

Y/n smiled at the massage. If he could think of that, he might had been better than she thought.

The neon lights of Las Vegas blurred as she drove through the city streets, trying to get to the hospital as quick as possible. Despite the speed, the journey seemed to stretch in time.

Arriving at St. Vincent's hospital, Y/n rushed through the entrance, her heart pounding. The reception area looked like a maze in her anxious state, but she managed to find a nurse.

"I'm here for Lando Norris," the girl said.

The nurse looked her up and down. "Are you his family?"

"I'm his girlfriend."

"Then, unfortunately, I cannot let you see him."

"His family is in Europe, I'm the closest to family you can get here in Vegas."

"The closest, but not family. I'll ask you nicely to wait here for further information."

Y/n nodded with an angry expression on her face. She sat down in the waiting room, pulling out her phone and dialing the number of her manager.

"Hey, Mia," the singer said. "I need you to do something." Urgency and frustration were visible in her voice.

"What's going on, Y/n? Are you okay?" Mia's concerned voice came through the line.

"It's Lando. He's been in a crash during the race in Vegas, and they've taken him to St. Vincent's Hospital. I'm here, but they won't let me in because I'm not 'family.' That's so stupid."

"I'm sorry, Y/n, but I still don't see what you want me to do."

"I want you to make a donation for the hospital from my account. Send them like $100,000. I think it'll be enough to let me in."

"Okay, I'll take care of it."

"Thanks, Mia. I appreciate it more than you know."

Y/n took a deep breath, trying to calm herself down. Anxiety lingered in the air. But there was no way they wouldn't let her in after that.

Y/n didn't know how much time had passed. She felt as if all she did was staring at a wall in front of her, ocassionally moving her eyes to the floor or the ceiling. She was fidgeting with her fingers as the same nurse approached her.

"Miss Y/l/n, you're allowed to see Mr Norris in the room 305."

Without a word, Y/n rushed to the room. She found Lando lying in the hospital bed, his gaze turning towards the door as she walked in.

"Lando." Y/n breathed his name, rushing to his side and taking his hand in hers. "I was so worried. And they didn't want to let me in at first."

He managed a dazed smile, his eyes slightly glazed. "Hey, you're real, right? This isn't happening in my head?"

Y/n chuckled. "Yes, I'm real. It's me."

He squinted at her. "You sure? You look like a beautiful hallucination."

"Well, if I'm a hallucination, at least a beautiful one."

"I feel like I'm floating on marshmallow clouds, but you're the most beautiful marshmallow I've ever seen."

Y/n couldn't help but laugh. "I think you might be on some strong painkillers, love."

"Ah, that explains the marshmallows. They're having a party in my head," Lando said with a dreamy expression.

Y/n burst into laughter, the tension of the earlier moments disappearing in the room.

"Did you know," Lando continued, "that racing is like trying to catch a rainbow? And if you're lucky, you might find a pot of gold at the end."

"Is there an Irish leprechaun as well?"

"I wouldn't be surprised. Maybe that's who's been guiding me all this time."

"You gotta ask him to make the rainbow less slippery next time then."

He nodded solemnly. "I'll have a serious talk with him. No more slippery rainbows, only smooth, marshmallow clouds."

As they joked around, Y/n couldn't ignore the quiet concern for Lando's well-being. She gently brushed his hair away from his forehead. "You scared me, you know? Seeing you crash like that."

"I'm sorry, love. I didn't mean to scare you. I promise I'll be more careful next time. But you have to promise me something too.""

"What is it?"

"You'll visit me in the marshmallow cloud world sometimes. It gets lonely up there."

Y/n laughed, leaning in to press a gentle kiss on his cheek. "I'll visit anytime you want."

"You know, even in the middle of all this craziness, having you here feels like finding that pot of gold at the end of the rainbow."

As the night carried on, the hospital room became a cocoon shielding them from everything that layed outside its walls. Y/n found herself falling asleep on an armchai next to Lando's bed.

In the quiet ambiance of the night, Lando's mind wandered through the whimsical landscapes of his medication-induced thoughts. He couldn't help but marvel at the coincidence that brought Y/n into his life.

It all started with handing her an award. It seemed like it happened a whole lifetime ago and now, there they were, in the middle of marshmallow clouds.

Y/n, nestled in the armchair, breathed softly in her sleep, completely unaware of Lando's reflections. Soon enough, Lando allowed himself to succumb to the gentle pull of sleep as well.

[the-fiction-witch]

Experiment

Media The Artful Dodger

Character Jack Dawkins

Couple Jack X Reader

Rating Adorable

Requested Hi! Can you do a Jack Dawkins x fem reader where the reader works at the hospital as a nurse and has always been nice to Jack. They have similar humor and she's always very helpful. One day when Jack loses a patient he goes outside to take a breather and the reader follows him and comforts him. And then maybe a few days later Jack realizes he likes her. You don't have to write it if you don't want to! Have a good day! 

I walked the hospital halls as usual busy with a list of nine hundred things to do, as I went I momentarily stopped or I'd have been knocked over. As Y/n ran across the hall carrying a box full of clattering glass bottles from the stock room, scampering on her way in her little grey nurse dress, her arms bandaged and currently she walked with a slight limp but this was fairly usual for her she was always injured in some sort of way. Her ponytail fluttered behind her as she went. 

"Sorry Doctor Dawkins!" she said as she had almost taken me out, 

"It's fine Y/n." I laughed, "What are you doing?" I asked a little worried starting to follow her,

"I've had a breakthrough!" she said as she scurried down the stairwell, 

"Ohh god- you haven't broken through the floor again have you?"

"You have so little faith in me."

"Based completely on your track record,"

"I am right four out of ten times." she corrected,

"...I'm concerned you think that's good." 

"And you're surgery survival rate is?" She smiled, 

"Hey!" I argued but ignored me, 

She reached the little old storeroom in the basement of the hospital just a door down from the morgue where she was meant to be working, but she set her box down in the chaos since this room was emptied when the hospital moved all the stock to the storeroom upstairs for better access this room very much just became a junk room to toss old broken things or fill with tasks yet to be completed. Y/n is a... I don't want to say inventor she rarely invents anything...

Tinkerer let's say, and given she was meant to work down here in the morgue with Tim she often sneaks away to work in this little store room, on experiments and tests for things that would be the hospital, the room littered with everything you could imagine bottles, bags, stands, tubes, all with the floor well mopped and fixed, the wallpaper peeling and a hole in the boards up to the ward been hastily repaired... 

Yeah, I don't know what she had been working on but whatever it was erupted out the contained and blew a hole in the floor. 

she's a bit out there but she means well.

Even if she -

"Ohh crumpets." she sighed as she fell over her own skirt and landed on the wooden floor with her knee smashing one of the bottles she had in hand as she did, 

Yeah... she can be a little clumsy, but... she's kinda funny like that, I find her sweet almost childlike. You can't get mad at a kid for trying to bury her teddy bear to make baby bears grow I feel that kinda way about her, she's just trying to help even if she's not exactly harmless. And she's a damn good nurse... when she actually remembers to do her job. 

So I... admit I cover for her sometimes, when she blew the hole up to the ward I explained it away as someone knocking over a bucket of acid that ate through the wood, not sure if someone believed me but still. 

I rushed over and helped her up, "You alright,"

"Fine, thank you," she smiled getting back to rushing around and doing various things not sure what, 

"How did you hurt your leg?"

"...I may have... tripped over a box."

"Are you ever going to get that dress hemmed?"

"Are you ever going to get a waistcoat that fits you? or are you forever going to walk around the hospital flashing your suspender clips every time you lift your arms?" 

"Touche," I sighed,

"Aww, you can say stupid stuff in two languages," 

"Fine I'll go," I laughed, "Got work I need to do anyway," I told her but I only got as far as the door, "What are you working on?"

"I thought you were leaving?"

"I was. What are you working on?" 

"an experiment."

"what sort of experiment?"

"I am trying to work on a wound cleaner."

"Right?" I nodded, "How's that going?"

"Well if I got this right it should be perfect," she said as she filled a bottle, and pulled back her bandage to reveal a cut on her arm,

"Y/n! Where did that come from!"

"...I may have been testing is kolara like oranges."

"Do they?"

"...they do not." 

"So you got attacked trying to make another animal friend?"

"At least I did better than when you try to make human friends,"

"That's just cruel." I laughed, "Don't you have enough friends with that wombat you had living in your room?"

"Mr Brick loved me very much, you're just jealous." She smiled before she poured her homemade cleaner on her arm 

Her Face! said it all.

"Did it work?" I smirked,

"....it does not..." she complained as she hopped around in pain before tripping on her skirt and landing on her butt in a pile of boxes, I laughed but went to help her and saw how much worse her wound now was, "Ohhh Bloody crumpets that hurts!"

"Uhhh what is in that?"

"witch hazel, eucalyptus oil and carbolic acid."

"C-Carbolic acid!" I yelled, "As in the stuff we use to clean the bodies!" I quickly started to clean her up before she got too bad of an acid burn, 

"I figured, the bodies are clean. don't get infected and gross so I thought it would work on alive people too."

"it might. that doesn't mean pour it on your arm and find out!"

"Well, how else am I supposed to test it?"

I sighed, "You worry me you know." I told her rebandaging her up, 

"Ohhh?"

"I'm serious. You do worry me."

"I know, I'll be fine."

"Alright, I've got surgery. But be careful." I told her,

"I will I promise," she nodded,

I headed back up to the hospital and got prepped for today's surgery, Hetty brought the man in and I didn't waste time getting to work but soon enough the Prof came in drunk and full of ego he ordered me to stand aside, I didn't want to but I didn't have a choice so I handed my blade over and stepped aside. He went at it like a mad man and I tried to correct him but he made a wrong move and blood went everywhere, Immediately I pushed him aside and took over doing everything I could and working away as hard as I could to save his life and managing to get him stable but after all the blood-soaked work. Just as I finished up.

He died of shock. 

I threw my tools on the table and ran a hand through my hair, I sighed and I marched out to the steps sitting there in the sun trying to get my breath. I leant my head back and tried to get my mind steady even if it ran at a million miles an hour with a hundred different ways of catastrophe, 

I heard the door open. 

But I didn't worry about it, I just tried to hold back the tears. 

I felt Y/n wrap her arms around me, she didn't say anything she just wrapped her arms around my torso and shoulders, she pulled my head to rest on her chest, and set her chin on my hair, her hand stroked up and down my sleeve, for a moment I let the tears slip letting them fall onto her apron, there was a silence between us, the only sound the wind blustering the sheets hung outside, and the sound of horseshoes and carriage wheels on the street to the side, her arms felt warm, her dress scratchy, but I didn't care. I wrapped my arms around her tightly holding her as close to her as I possibly can, blood coating the both of us. 

We sat together for a good while before I spoke, "Thanks."

"It's okay. I can't imagine how hard this sort of thing is." she whispered, "It's not your fault-"

"Who else's is it? I'm a doctor. My job is to save people."

"But you're human." she said, "You can't blame yourself for these things." she whispered, "You did all you could and in the end that's all you can do," she said kissing the top of my head, 

"Thank you y/n. Really... Thank you." 

"You're welcome." She smiled, "Take as long as you need Jack." she said before she got up adjusted her dress she headed back inside leaving me alone. 

I headed on with my work through the halls as usual when I heard a clattering and banging making me stop looking into the storeroom, to see y/n in her usual dress bandaged up as usual having tripped her overskirt and topped a box of tools in her hand. "ohh Crumpets." 

I couldn't help but smile my cheeks flooded with blush for a moment, and as I looked at her.. I felt so homely, so cozy, so comforted, "Y/n." I rolled my eyes coming into the storeroom to help her up and brush off the dust from her, "You need to be more careful. What on earth are you up to know?"

"I think I've figured out the experiment with the acid."

"Have you. and how many burns have you gotten in your experiments?"

"... some."

"Alright, just be careful y/n."

"I will," she smiled grabbing her box and scampering away to her little experiment room, I watched her go and smiled as I watched her, I felt compelled to follow her concerned she'd do something foolish, and... partly because I just wanted her in my arms. 

Wait- I really do want her in my arms, I want to hold her close, give her kisses, tend to her insane amount of wounds, likely with some kisses, I wanted to follow her, keep her safe. For a moment I wondered why but I already knew why. I... I like her. I wanted her up in my room not just for one night but for as long as my arms can hold her. 

I heard her trip over her damn skirt again and go tumbling down the stairs so I rushed over and saw her at the bottom luckily not badly hurt, 

"Ohh Crumpets..."

"You need a hand?"

"I need a hemmed dress I think,"

"Yes you do," I laughed going down to help her up but she almost immediately lost her balance putting weight on her leg, so I rolled my eyes, "Will you let me examine you?"

"...Fine," she sighed,

"All of you?"

She glared for a moment,

"Y/n."

"...fine."

"Come on, I'll take a look at you" I smiled picking her up and carrying her back up the stairs to one of the rooms so I could examine her, 

[qqueenofhades]

would you ever write a modern/no-powers au for dreamling/sandman?

"Look, Mee," Hob says, for the fourth or fifth time that conversation. "I'm sure your brother is, uh, great, but I'm not sure -- "

"Come on," his best friend says, also for the fourth or fifth time that conversation. "Honestly, you'd be doing me a massive favor. I can barely get him out of the house most days, so I figured that at least the two of you could faff off and be really pathetic together?"

"Thanks." Hob switches the phone to his other ear and glares suspiciously out at the garden; when you've got two small children and it's quiet, you figure something's gone terribly amiss. Robyn and Alison haven't burnt the place down or gotten run over in traffic, but they're playing with something small, muddy and possibly still alive, and Hob debates whether he has to sprint out and save them from certain death. "You're a great friend, truly."

"I know," Morticia says airily. That does, bewilderingly, seem to be her actual name (were her parents massive Addams Family fans or something?) but with Hob and the rest of her friends, she generally goes by Mors, or Mee for short. He looked it up once. Ancient Roman god(dess) of death, which made him laugh, at least when it didn't kick him in the teeth. "You can thank me later."

"And I want to spend time with your brother... why?"

"Because." Oh God, here it comes. He can hear her trying not to say it, the same way everyone's tried not to say it in the going-on-eighteen months since his wife went into an ordinary central-London NHS hospital to give birth to their second child and didn't come back out. "You know it would be good for you, Robbie."

"Right." Hob's voice turns wry. "Can't have me wallowing alone in my misery? You know I've got the kids to look after, and they're talking about extending my contract at Birkbeck. I'm keeping busy."

Keeping busy. It always sounds stupid, even if it's the truth. Like you can chase overwhelming, soul-crushing grief away just by getting out of bed and making breakfast for the kids, holding Robyn's hand as you trundle off on the school run and tell him to have a good day, the thousand and one ways you think you're massively arsing this up and Ellie would have been so much better. Every time the doorbell rings or someone comes up the walk, he thinks -- for a stupid moment he thinks -- and then of course it isn't. You think about women dying in childbirth like it's something out of medieval times, or some third-world country. Not in England in the twenty-first century. Not in London. Not as if your daughter is beautiful and bright and alive, and every time you look at her, you remember that her mother isn't, and the happiness you feel is poisoned by grief again, cold and blue and endless as the ocean. You laugh with the kids at some Disney cartoon one moment, and the next, you're crying alone in the kitchen, in bed, in the silent darkness. And no matter how much you ask, she doesn't answer. You think she does, sometimes. You're just fooling yourself.

You know, Hob thinks. Maybe it would be good for him. At least it would let him spend time with (if Mee's account is anything to go by) the one man in all of London more pathetic than him. It doesn't have to be anything more than that. Even if she is trying to set him up, she wouldn't admit it. She isn't, surely? Trying to match her brother off with her best friend, widowed-single-dad-part-time-lecturer who's clinging onto sanity by the bare edge of his fingernails? Right? Fuck. Should never have told her that he's bi. Doubled her meddling possibilities at a stroke. And yet. He's so lonely, he almost doesn't care.

"Fine," Hob says resignedly. "I'll see if I can get a sitter for the kids. And it better not be that grotty brewery in Shepherd's Bush you dragged me to last time."

"No." Mee sounds like she's laughing at him. She probably is laughing at him, or else she thinks he's become such a pathologically undatable freak that his only chance for happiness ever again is with her equally pathetic little brother. "Nice new Asian-fusion place. Hammersmith. Fifteen minutes from you on the Tube. Don't chicken out, Robert."

And with that, well --

There's pretty much no choice.

Hob finds a sitter for the kids, promises to pay her twenty quid an hour (it's London, after all), and grumblingly picks out some clothes. He's not good at this. It's been almost ten years since he was dating anyone, and Eleanor was from a rich enough family that there was no chance of ever impressing her parents; he could have turned up in anything from Savile Row to a bloody dishcloth and they still would have hated him. Then he finds himself fucking around to the point where he's going to be late, the Tube will be a nightmare anyway, and panics again and rushes out the door with barely a word about what to feed the kids and when to put them to bed. Is nice Olivia from down the street judging him? She almost surely is.

Hob grimly toddles off to Hammersmith, exits into a light rain, and spends an inordinate amount of time searching for the restaurant. When he finally steps inside, he's not quite sure who he's looking for. Mee texted him a picture of her brother, but Hob has trouble believing that such a pale, pasty, and terminally uncharismatic twink could ever be related to her. One of them has to be adopted, and he's laying money on this one, whose name is -- no, seriously -- Morpheus. Morticia and Morpheus. What is wrong with their parents? Determined to doom their children to an eternity of primary-school torment?

Hob contemplates turning around and leaving, but now he's come this far, Olivia will definitely judge him if he returns within the hour, and frankly, he's judging himself. Even worse, he's fairly sure he's just spotted his man. Morpheus (come on, really?) is sitting by himself at a corner table, looking appropriately dark and broody, in his emo-goth dark coat and toilet-brush hair. Just like the photo. He's admittedly not bad-looking in person; he's got a pale, chiseled beauty that is briefly arresting, almost unearthly. Still, though. Definitely a wanker.

"Hello," Hob says, deciding to bite the bullet. He strides over, hand outstretched. "I'm Robert Gadling, and I think you're the bloke I'm supposed to be meeting? I know your sister."

Morpheus's mouth makes a small lemon-sucking motion. He rises to his feet, regards Hob's hand as if not certain what to do with it and/or wondering if he can get away with not touching it, and finally shakes it, brief and cold and dry. "I am," he says curtly. "You may sit."

Well, good. Glad they got His Majesty's permission. No unauthorized sitting happening here, no sir. Resisting the urge to roll his eyes, Hob puts his bag on the floor and slides into the chair across from Morpheus. Like every Londoner at a loss for a better opening line, he reaches for the weather. "Shame about this piss, isn't it? And it was all the way up to twenty degrees last week. Did you have to come far?"

"No," Morpheus says, still not displaying any particular delight in being forced to spend this evening in the presence of another human being and looking as if he is very much hoping the floor will suddenly open up and swallow him. "Not far."

Hob waits, in vain, on the chance that Morpheus might elaborate. He does not. Well. This is going swimmingly. Are they on a date? Did Mee tell him that they were on a date? Is Hob sure this isn't an extremely elaborate prank, and she just plucked one of her single friends from the vast and bewildering mystery of her acquaintances? Truly, it is no wonder that Morpheus is, in fact, unattached. He's got the personality of a soggy rag and the face of -- well, not that. He is pretty. But Hob is not that shallow. Thanks very much.

Conversation suffers badly until they order drinks and food; or rather Hob orders, and Morpheus says that he'll take just a glass of wine. He does loosen up slightly as they talk; Hob does most of that, but Morpheus listens with cool, intent attention. From time to time he asks a question, but he doesn't interrupt, and finally Hob, trying to make it as light-hearted as "my wife died eighteen months ago and this is the first not-date I've been on ever since" can possibly be, admits it. He braces for Morpheus to get up, to run, to fire off an indignant text to Morticia or anything else, but he doesn't. He just nods once. "I'm sorry," he says quietly. "I know that it is... difficult."

All of a sudden, Hob is forced to consider the startling and unsettling possibility that Morpheus himself knows something about this. He can't say why or how that might be, but life is full of mysteries. "I -- yeah." It's an abject relief to say it and to have someone acknowledge it simply and matter-of-factly, not smother him with sympathy or cluck about how hard it is. "So if I'm off my game, that, uh. That's why."

Morpheus thinks about that for a long moment. Then all at once, out of nowhere, he smiles. It completely transforms his face, it twists like a fishhook in Hob's gut, and all of a sudden, he wonders in alarm if he is, in fact, entirely that shallow after all. "Believe me, Hob Gadling," Morpheus says. "It has very much been my pleasure."

[iguessweallcrazyithinktho]

𝐊𝐲𝐥𝐢𝐚𝐧 𝐦𝐛𝐚𝐩𝐩𝐞 𝐦𝐚𝐬𝐭𝐞𝐫𝐥𝐢𝐬𝐭

• all my fanfictions for kylian here • there's mature writing here • community labels are a thing so if you want to read smuts, change the labels

🩷 = mature

♥︎ My kylian scenarios are right here. I love scenarios so please send some if you want maybe I'll write one into a full fic

Space: part one | part two

ooohhh glad you're back to write new fics! how about something angsty with kylian mbappé where he loses his fiancé due to him "needing space" over a petty issue and only for him to regret and try to win her heart back

Pr or more: part one | part two🩷| part three🩷

you and kylian are in a PR relationship to boost your career, but there was one small problem.. you both hated each other! Or did you....

Little things

Imagine you were heavily pregnant and Kylian always comes to the rescue anytime you need him like coming home with your cravings, massaging your back and feet, cuddling, putting on a comfort movie and reassuring her that everything’s gonna be ok🩷

Little creation

Ok since you're talking about kylian and giving him babies what if you have a little baby and he's doing press and his baby sitting on his lap babbling into the mic and distracting him and everyone in the room? I can imagine him smiling so hard at his little creation

Can't get you off my mine 🩷

Summary from my scenarios: a kylian fic where you both broke up but neither you or Kylian can have sex with anyone else so you both run back to each other for a night of passion

Sinful 🩷

I've a Kylian request for suurrreeeeee. What about going on vacation with Kylian as friends but you've feeling for each and him burning his skin while sunbathing and then you try to help by applying moisturizers and creams on and you know how things can endddddd

Distraction

Hey, for a Kylian fic I wanted to request: how about Kylian taking his daughter to training and theyre filming the Paris “no comment” series that day, so in the end its just his little girl commanding everyone around and getting treated liked the princess she is

Foggy glass 🩷

Smut Request}You’re about to go to bed. Kylian is needy, but you’re a little apprehensive because you’re on your period. Kylian doesn’t mind, and he convinces you into having raw period sex. There’s a first time for everything.

Twisted

Can I please have one where Kylian and reader have an argument, he walks out, she tries to hold back her tears until she goes upstairs into the bathroom and trips over a stair, sprains her ankle, she screams in pain and tries to phone Kylian but no answer, she goes into the kitchen to get an ice pack and goes to sleep until he comes home, he finds her waking up, he admits he fucked up and apologises, he asks her questions on why there’s ice but she says she’s ok until he sees her swollen ankle, takes her to hospital and doesn’t leave her side (I’d love to see comfort Kylian at the end) pleaseeee💕

Genes

No but imagine Kylian and you comparing baby pics😭😭😭 And you guys play fight about how your baby will look more like. Omg he makes a side by side of you two , and posts it as a poll. He asks his followers who they think has the stronger genes. Omg and when you’re baby is finally born she looks exactly like Kylian, but as she gets older she has the same face moles that you have. When he finally posts the baby his caption is, “well I guess my competitiveness has no limits. Cause our baby looks exactly like me. It looks like I gave birth to her myself🫃🏽🤣”

Sunday

No cause imagine every night/morning Kylian would nag you into pulling your shirt up so he can speak to his baby😭He’s just always wanting to touch your belly cause he’s so proud and thankful. He’s extra protective of you now that you’re pregnant. He’s always been so protective of you, and he doesn’t care who it is. He won’t tolerate it if anyone disrespects his woman. Sometimes he’ll just catch a glimpse of you and your belly and he’s in awe. In awe that he got so lucky.

Close - coming soon

[naviculariis]

Okay so. Serious post time. I'm gonna put this entire thing under a cut, but I'm also gonna post some TWs here: medical malpractice, uncertain diagnoses, family trauma / drama, grief, anxiety rambles???

But I am gonna take like. A semi-hiatus, just so I can catch up on what I owe.

I haven't talked about this over here, or on Tumblr in general. Only one person who follows me here knows about this bc we're friends on another platform.

So.

Y'all have noticed, my days don't follow a set schedule. I've been unemployed since my campus suddenly closed with very little warning back in '22. Immediately after that closing, we took a small trip to MS to be with family for Christmas, and that trip was... Bad. And on the 1st of last year, I had an accident- i was taking down Christmas lights and fell and busted open my head. I had an untreated, late diagnosed concussion thar no one really... followed up on, and have had slight memory loss even now from it.

So I couldn't work until my head healed up from that.

But that's not the medical thing. That is my mother. In October 2021, my mother went in for a routine stint placement that resulted in loss of almost total blood flow to her left leg for 36 hours. They almost had to amputate, she almost died on the table twice, she was hospitalized for a year. ( we've tried the legal route, but because the doctor never admitted fault on paper, he cannot be held liable & suing hospitals is... Difficult. Even though she has permanent damage, can no longer feel anything below the knee, and has to wear a brace to walk. ) My mother already had a weak heart to begin with due to years of smoking + cardiac disease. This was the first nail, essentially. This damaged her heart... a lot.

Back to the concussion. 4 days after my concussion, she had a massive heart attack that nearly killed her. She flatlined twice on the table. It was after this that we got confirmation that she is in congestive heart failure. My grandfather died from it. It's

... It's hard. We don't know which stage she's in because her cardiologist won't tell us, but we think she's in stage 2, or maybe 3. We don't know. But because of this, I am the one who takes care of 95% of everything around the house & outside. I do lawncare, I do the planting, I do the garden. She can do a lot, still, but when her heart gets going- it's painful. So I've been her caretaker since 2021 when the initial accident happened.

My grandmother is nearly 90 and has... Many health problems but somehow is also doing better than most folks I know. She's a mystery. And my aunt had a double knee surgery but somethings wrong with her knees, and they think the surgeries rejected, so she can't get around well or drive longer than an hour away. My grandmother no longer drives & isn't renewing her license. My mother can drive, but we don't want her to unless ABSOLUTELY NECESSARY.

So I'm the only one who can drive them around.

I have my own medical issues [ anxiety, depression, type 1 diabetes, cracked tailbone that never got treatment & is giving me hell for that- ]

So. Basically. A lot of my time isn't my time. And when I do have free time, I do try to write and chat as much as I can. At night, after I get mom to bed, I call my partner warner and we get a few hours together and then we have to go to sleep bc we're in a ldr & their timezone is an hour ahead of mine.

... I'm rambling.

It's just. It's hard sometimes. And a lot of the time I sort of sit on my back porch and cry because I'm doing this- physically- alone. Literally everyone else is 4+ hours away across the state. Or 9 hours south on the Gulf Coast, or 7 hours south in Louisiana.

I do try to stay on top of things the best I can, I really really do, but things slip through my fingers. I'm gonna try my best to get all caught up over this coming week, I think. But if my responses are delayed for threads, for discord messages- chances are, I'm busy with one of my lil ol' ladies.

On top of all of this, I live in a town of less than 900, the nearest city is 45 minutes in any direction, and the nearest BIG city is 2+ hours in any direction. Finding a job that isn't in Healthcare is impossible. And I have nothing against those who are in healthcare- I applaud you. But all of my trauma can be tied back to hospital ERs and any time I step foot into a hospital, I immediately have anxiety & can only hear the night we learned about my dad. So I physically cannot force myself to go into that field.

Which is... a whole other thing, this is getting too long. But I've been searching for a job for the past year and a half, have had 5 interviews, each one ended with "thanks for interviewing! However,". It's hard.

So I just.

My plate is a lil bit full. But I love writing. I love the rpc. It'sa comfort and a joy and I love meeting new friends and making new connections and I want to do this as long as I can but sometimes things get a little slow. That's all.

... anyways yeah. Semi hiatus. Cool.

[hebuiltfive]

Hi! A bit for the ask game!

5. What’s a fic idea you’ve had that you will never write?

10. Is there a fic that got a different response than you anticipated.

18. What’s one of your favorite lines you’ve written in a fic?

Thank you for the ask @edutainer2022!

I ramble a lot so I'll put most of this under a cut!

5. Ooh, this one is hard! I try to 'never say never' with any idea. Usually I'll work it into another story somewhere or just put it on a shelf of indefinite hiatus, but rarely do I look at an idea and say never. That being said, there are a fair few ideas that have yet to see the light of day and it's very possible that they never will.

The first one that comes to mind was my very first Thunderbirds fanfic I began to write but was never fully realised: a catastrophe on-board Titanic 2, an unfortunately named cruise ship that would catapult IR into intense media scrutiny and legal issues.

Another example might be Penelope taking Gordon on a trip to the Maldives for his birthday. It's been over a year since that idea was first formed and I've yet to actually write it out. I feel like it may never see the light of day!

Then there was an idea of the boys playing around in the pool too, but again, beyond a cliche title, nothing more ever came of that one.

There are plenty of others, I'm sure, I just can't think of them at the moment. Some may one day be weaselled into other fics, but there are plenty that have been shelved!

10. A fair few actually! I usually expect a couple of likes on my things and that's it. The Thunderfam are always so supportive though, which is something I'm still getting used to even after a year and a half of being here, because previous fandoms were often the opposite.

I think I was surprised by most of my Thundertober pieces from last year, especially Hospital. I hadn't thought anyone -bar a few, including your good self! - would be interested in a Havoc POV. I'm working on a sequel (of sorts) still, but holding back mainly because of that same thought. Maybe I should return to it at some point.

Also, WSHSB. The amount of changes to the plot of this story (it's so different to when I first started writing it last year!) is unreal and I honestly was just writing it purely for myself, thinking no-one would be interested in it at all! The reception is always very heartwarming whenever I post anything about it because in my head it's still just my silly little story 😂

18. This is another tough one. It took me a while to find a couple.

Maybe “I’m mad as hell that you would dare to stoop so goddamn low, is what I am.” / “I’m the villain.” from Seeking An Absolution purely because I'm biased as it was so much fun writing Jeff and the Hood, but also because the Hood is unapologetically evil. And he's more than happy to admit that. Exploring that was entertaining aha!

Also: "And who is going to save you?" which is from a piece that's still a WIP on my notes app. I think it's an important question that no-one in IR ever really considers - they're just doing their job, well aware of the risks and have made peace with that mostly - but the people close to them might want to ask on occasion.

I have a few others but I feel like I've rambled on for quite a while now. Thank you again for the ask! This was fun!

[cyberhades]

𝐖𝐢𝐬𝐡 𝐘𝐨𝐮 𝐖𝐞𝐫𝐞 𝐇𝐞𝐫𝐞 ੈ♡˳ | Eddιᥱ Mᥙᥒ᥉᥆ᥒ ᥊ Fᥱ꧑! Rᥱᥲdᥱr

Warnings: angst, sadness, mention of teenage pregnancy, mention of death, anniversary of death.

A/N: My heart was sad after writing this. But I got some inspiration by "Wish You Were Here" by Pink Floyd.

“TODAY HAD EVERYTHING to be just another normal day in 1990 but it is not. And this is Eddie Munson writing, I'm famous for playing guitar in the thrash metal band Corroed Coffin. I'm here seriously thinking about how to actually start this letter since I've been doing it for a while because it's a way to get rid of the trauma. I have to admit that over the years it became my therapy.

Looking at the clock in my room here, I can clearly see that it's 4 o'clock in the morning. I just woke up and I'm not sleepy at all. I have bouts of insomnia, in fact I always had and now that I woke up this morning full of energy there is nothing better than good old pen and paper. Nice words, don't let me down now, please!

Okay, okay. Let's start for real, better this way?

How do you even start a letter? I know I wrote one of these last year, last year and last year. Well, it's been four years since I've written these letters but I still get stuck in words and get lost in grammatical issues. Without further ado, let's go before I lose focus.

Hello, my love!

What the fuck, my hands are still shaking writing this to you, however it does not affect my handwriting. I remember you always complimented me on that, so I'm trying to keep it impeccable. I came to tell you the good news.

Where do I start? Oh, I know!

Look, the band is having a lot of success and we are on our way to owning the world, Ozzy Osbourne has become our biggest friend and supporter. I know you would be very proud of your beautiful guitar player here. Touring has been a lot of fun and I always find myself imagining what it would be like if you were here.

Sometimes on cold nights when the light from the rays and lightning lights up the whole room I miss your warmth in bed. However, you can't go back in time and play God, and I'm fully aware of that. Oh, how I wish... how I wish you were here.

Steve misses you everyday, Nancy misses you everyday, Robin misses you everyday, Hopper misses you everyday, I miss you everyday... we all miss you everyday. We know you wouldn't want us to be sad missing you but this is kind of complicated since you were a person who brought us light.

Day after day I try to get over the fact that I'll never hold you again, I'll never kiss you again, I'll never hear your laugh again, or see that beautiful smile. It's sad to think like that, isn't it? But it's a sad reality that I have to deal with day after day with your absence during these four years.

I know you're in a much better place now, because that's where you deserve to be. Dancing with the angels and holding stars in your hands.

I'm going to talk about our daughter Felicia now.

Felicia is 4 years old now. She is very beautiful and I have to confess that she looks a lot like you. Honestly, she doesn't miss you just because she hasn't had enough time to stay with you since you died when she was just five months old. You died so young, my love, you were only 20.

I remember that you had already finished school, we had known each other for a few years. I also remember when you came all happy in 1985 to tell me about your pregnancy. In that yellow dress of yours that seemed to carry the glow of the sky in the smallest details.

I remember very well the day Felicia was born in 1986. She was the most beautiful baby in that hospital, no offense to the other babies born that day. Your dad was really mad at me when you got pregnant and so was my uncle but after our daughter was born they became the cutest grandpas in the world. And they are still very cute grandpas, believe me.

When our daughter is a little older, I promise you, my love. I promise you I'll tell her that you died heroically saving the city from the demonbats.

Today I understand that I have a little bit of you in almost everything. There are fragments of you in the bed sheets, my shirts, my guitar, our daughter, the incredible memories...

Everything you did was art and left a little bit of you in it. It's amazing to think how lucky I was to date such a perfect woman.

The paper is a little smudged and the ballpoint pen ink is slowly dispersing along the lines. It is my tears that wet this letter.

Thank you so much for being my main source of energy and my main pillar of support during all these years we lived together. You were unique, you were perfect. You were like a comet and I lost.

Everyone needs someone, but I don't know if it's everyone who feels the way I do. Sometimes I wonder how I can breathe with this burning in my chest... you're gone so fast. And I cried for many nights wanting you back.

Today is the day that completes four years since you died. Here in my bed our little Felicia is sleeping, right next to me. I promise to be the best father in the world for her and I give her as much love as you would.

I know you'll always be with me, especially because of the pendant with our initials that I've worn on my silver chain since 1985. But I miss you anyway, that's kind of unavoidable.

I love you, my love. I hope you are resting with the angels now Mrs Munson, because you deserve so much.

With love from yours and only yours,

Eddie Munson, your freak.”

[...]

TAGLIST 𓆩♡𓆪

@eddiemunsons-girl @hellfireswhxre @chaoticmunson @tvandfanfic @iliveforotps @goldie86 @queenariesofnarnia @kellynickelsgirl00 @shyposttree @planetsteddie

[3rdsday]

Sapphire Blues AU: Rise!Leo adjusting to being in the 2012 universe

What's this? I wrote something for Sapphire Blues, the AU I wasn't planning to write anything for, rather than the wips I've currently got? Yeah.

2.7k words

“Trauma,” Not Donnie explained, “can cause things such as personality changes, memory loss, and confusion.”

It had been three days since Leo had woken up in a body that wasn’t his, surrounded by three mutant turtles who claimed to be his brothers. In that time, he’d had this conversation with the Donnie impostor more times than he could remember.

“Look, even if I was traumatized, I know that I’m not experiencing any of those things,” he insisted.

“Or you just think that’s the case.”

Leo groaned in frustration. If he hadn’t been so startled when he had first woken, he would have taken the time to think through how he reacted to, apparently, ending up in an entirely different reality. But instead, he had freaked out at the presence of strangers and the fact that he was injured, and now his faux brothers thought he was crazy. Because of course they did.

The turtle calling himself Donnie patted his shoulder. “I know this isn’t easy for you, Leo, but you’ll get better. Plus, I have some good news!” He smiled brightly, as if anything he could say other than I can send you home would help. “As long as it doesn’t aggravate your pain too much, I think you’re ready to try walking around today!”

Okay, maybe Leo had been too hasty to say that nothing would help. It did lift his spirits somewhat. He’d been stuck in this stupid bed for three days, and before that he had woken up in a bathtub of all places, and he was ready to move around. He immediately sat up and swung his legs over the side of the bed, wincing when his right knee let out a stronger jolt of pain than he’d expected.

“Oh, hold on!” Donnie rushed out of the room and returned moments later with a pair of crutches, which were shoved into Leo’s hands. “I want you to use these until you’ve gotten more strength back and we’ve ensured that your injuries are all healing properly.”

Leo rolled his eyes as he used the crutches to help himself to his feet, wincing slightly as his knee bothered him once more. “What are you, my doctor or something?”

“Uh, yes?”

Huh. So, Donnie took care of the medical stuff in this reality? That sounded like a horrible decision. Is that why he woke up in a bathtub? Sudden concern for the wellbeing of his brothers’ counterparts washed over him, but it wasn’t like there was anything he could do about it.

Instead, he focused on the task at hand. He knew that he was on the second floor of the building, so he would need to walk downstairs if he actually wanted to go anywhere. He took the first steps slowly out of caution, but quickly realized that he wouldn’t be able to go faster even if he wanted to; his muscles had atrophied from the apparent three-month long coma he’d been in. Not to mention the fact that this wasn't his body was an issue. His limbs weren't proportioned the same, and his center of gravity was off. And to top it all off, the pain in his knee, which was growing more annoying by the second.

The medic side of him knew that the continued pain was a cause for concern. The rest of the injuries that the alternate version of him had suffered had healed up nicely, but his knee was still causing trouble. That meant that there was a chance that something more severe—or even permanent—had occurred. He’d try to examine it later; right now he was just anxious about his renewed mobility.

“Don’t go too fast!” Donnie called, his voice high and strained as Leo reached the exit of the room. A hand gripped his arm and Leo forced himself not to shrug it off.

He smirked at Donnie. “What, are you worried you’ll have to stick me in a bathtub again?” he teased, but felt guilty when guilt flashed in those strange red eyes.

“I didn’t know what else to do,” Donnie admitted, looking down at the floor. “It’s not like I could bring you to a hospital, and all of my medical equipment had to be left behind…”

“Hey, don’t be like that. You kept me alive, right?”

Donnie shrugged, but Leo’s words didn’t seem to cheer him up at all. He felt bad; this wasn’t his brother, but he still didn’t want to upset the guy. “Just don’t fall down the stairs,” Donnie told him, still not looking up.

Leo wanted to comfort the turtle, but he had no idea how to go about it, or if it was even his place. He wasn’t his brother. Instead, he turned his attention to the task ahead of him: getting down the stairs without dying. He shifted his weight to his better leg and positioned the crutches carefully on the first step before carefully moving one foot, and then the other, down. One down, only… fifteen or so to go.

He hated this.

After he made it about a third of the way, a voice came from below. “Is Leo up?” He couldn’t place it immediately although he knew it was one of his brothers’ doubles, which was confirmed to be the case when a short turtle in a red bandana stepped into view near the bottom of the stairs.

Okay, maybe that was unfair. This reality’s version of Raph wasn’t that short, at least not compared to Leo’s counterpart as far as he could tell. But when he was used to a Raph that towered over him, it made this smaller, grumpier version seem hilariously small.

There was a scowl on his face, which Leo had quickly realized was standard for him, but once he made eye contact with the person he assumed to be his brother, it eased slightly, replaced with a very brief flash of relief, so quick that Leo almost missed it. “Hey there,” he called down and gave a little wave.

“So, Doctor Donnie decided to release you from your imprisonment?”

Leo snorted. “I think I must have annoyed him so much that he gave up on keeping me there.”

“You’re usually the best one about bedrest,” Donnie muttered to himself as he descended slowly behind Leo, braced as if ready to catch him at any moment. “And it wasn’t imprisonment. You’ve been in a coma for months; you couldn’t just get back to your regular routine immediately after waking up!”

“It sure felt like imprisonment,” Leo snarked back.

“Imprisonment where you had your every need tended to?” Raph raised an eyeridge. “You asked me to read a book to you. The Leo I know would be far too prideful to ask for that.”

I’m not the Leo you know, he wanted to reply, but kept silent. He reached the bottom step and Raph moved forward seemingly unintentionally, hesitating a moment only a foot or two in front of Leo, then giving him a gentle punch (that was more of a light push than anything) on the arm. “Nice to see you moving around again.”

Leo sighed dramatically. “I know, right? It’s been awful being stuck in bed all the time!”

Raph and Donnie exchanged a look, one which Leo had realized meant that he had behaved in a way that was very different from their brother, and they were concerned about him. Which was beyond annoying, but it wasn’t like he could do anything about it. At least, not without them thinking he was even more crazy. He mentally added not dramatic to his list of things he knew about his counterpart.

Honestly, his counterpart sounded boring. One of his favorite activities was training, he followed a strict daily routine and became irritable when it was thrown off, and was constantly the voice of reason for his brothers. Where was the fun in that? Leo was very much a “go with the flow” type of person. He did what he wanted, when he wanted to, and the idea of his entire day being planned out seemed exhausting and restricting. Yet somehow it worked for his counterpart, so there had to be something appealing to it. Leo just had no idea what that was.

“Alright, I think that’s enough moving around for now,” Donnie said as he led Leo into the living room and motioned for him to take a seat on the couch. “Rest for a bit, and then we can see about going outside.”

“I’ll go get the others,” Raph called over his shoulder as he left the room.

Right. The others. Mikey, of course, but also April and Casey. Casey seemed pretty similar to Casey Jr. from Leo’s world, not that he’d had much time to learn about the future dweller. Personality-wise, he would probably get along well with Cassandra, but he also seemed somewhat subdued compared to her, although that could just be a result of the current circumstances. April, on the other hand, had completely mystified Leo. Not only was she white, for some reason, but all of his April’s personality seemed to be gone. He couldn’t get a read on this April. Her personality seemed muted, which once again could be a result of the circumstances, but he had no way of telling.

Speaking of the circumstances, he felt bad for his family’s counterparts in this universe. Apparently, their New York City had been completely taken over by the Kraang, and their Splinter was presumed dead. They had to flee while Leo was unconscious, and were now hiding out upstate while Leo recovered with no plans on how they would fight back if they returned to the city.

It had distressed Leo a lot to hear their tale, and he worried about his own family. Had they survived the Kraang? One was dead, and the other should be locked in the prison dimension, but that’s where Leo should also be right now. He had somehow escaped, even if it was to a different reality… he didn’t want to think about the possibility of the Kraang escaping. And what about the third one, that had been on the planet’s surface?

Was his family okay?

Were they…?

He shook his head and forced those thoughts away as Donnie turned on some kind of weird TV show about a barbarian guy. It was alright, he supposed. He wasn’t really watching it, his mind drifting until the door opened.

“Leo!” He looked over to see the alternate Mikey grinning and flying towards him, and Leo braced himself for a hug. The freckled turtle wrapped his arms tight around Leo, ignoring Donnie’s cries to be careful not to hurt him.

He hadn’t had long to get to know these other turtles, but so far Mikey was his favorite. The orange turtle was the most similar to his counterpart in Leo’s universe so far, and he had a brighter energy to him that was a nice change of pace from the gloom that seemed to follow the rest of the group. “Hey there, Mikester,” he greeted, returning the smile.

“Mikester’s a new one!”

Leo shrugged, looking over at the other two new arrivals, April and Casey.

“How you feeling, Leo?” Casey asked.

“Like I got thrown through a window,” he answered with a snicker. Mikey and Casey laughed too, but the others frowned.

“Not funny Leo,” Raph muttered, and, okay, maybe using the fact that his counterpart was thrown through a window for humor wasn’t the best idea. But come on, the guy was thrown through a window. That seemed like something straight out of a comedy sketch, right? At least pick a less cliché way to get injured!

April cleared her throat. “Well, I’m glad to see you seem to be in the mood for joking. And you’re all in one piece and moving around again, which almost feels like a miracle,” she admitted.

“Yeah, it was starting to feel like you’d never wake up,” Casey added.

The energy in the room was definitely not cheerful, so Leo decided to try to lighten things back up. “Psh, you really think that something like that would keep me down? No faith in your fearless leader, huh?”

“I believed in you!” Mikey declared. After he’d released Leo from his hug, he had sat next to him on the couch and snuggled into his side. Leo found that he didn’t mind it as much as he would have thought, and affectionately patted Mikey on the head.

Raph crossed his arms. “Yeah, well, I didn’t think it would keep you down, but it was still…”

“Scary?” Donnie added, and Raph nodded slightly.

“Aww, you guys were worried about me,” Leo teased, and was rewarded with Raph’s face turning red. He’d figured out quickly that these versions of his brothers (save for Mikey) were more reluctant to admit to caring about each other than his own brothers. While that made him feel things for these turtles that he wasn’t sure he wanted to examine, it was nonetheless funny to get Raph worked up about it.

“I wasn’t worried about you!” said turtle shouted. “I just thought you looked stupid in that fucking tub!”

“Raph, language,” Donnie said half-heartedly.

Leo smirked. “If you weren’t worried, why did you spend three months sitting by that ‘fucking tub’ then?”

Multiple pairs of eyes went wide. “L-Leo!” Donnie cried. “Since when do you say swear words?!”

Leo shrugged. “About the same time that Raph got worried about me.”

Oh, it was too easy with this guy. Raph literally growled and pulled out his sai, moving as if to lunge at Leo, but stopped by Casey, who wrapped an arm around him. “Woah, calm down man! Leo’s still hurt!”

“Let me go, Jones!” Raph struggled. Leo figured that if he truly wanted to, he could escape Casey’s grasp with ease, which was how he knew he hadn’t gone too far with the teasing. “I swear, the second Donnie clears you to start training again, I’m gonna kick your ass you smug piece of shit!”

“Looking forward to it,” Leo said plainly.

“Guys!” Donnie shouted. “Calm down!”

Leo shot him a grin. “I’m perfectly calm, see?”

Donnie sighed and rubbed his forehead. “Am I really going to have to tell you to stop provoking Raph? You’re normally the one telling the rest of us not to do that!”

“But it’s so funny!”

The room broke into chaos again as Raph protested those words. It took several moments and the efforts of both Casey and Donnie to calm Raph down, but eventually everyone settled into their seats, an unspoken decision for them to all watch the TV show together.

It was nice. Not the show, the show was pretty awful, but hanging out with this group of strangers who were so different from his family, but in many ways the same.

Despite the promise that he’d get a chance to go outside, Leo found himself drifting off. It was too comfortable on the couch, where he was able to move his body into a better position than the one that the old mattress had forced him into (and that was saying nothing of the bathtub). Somehow, being around these people made him relax, and he couldn’t tell if it was because of the other Leo’s body reacting to their presence, or his own mind equating them to his family, which had always been a comfort to him. It was nice, he decided. He missed his home, his brothers, his dad, April… he hoped they were all okay, and that he would somehow find a way home, and to his own body, but he couldn’t help but let his eyes drift closed as the sound of Crognard faded into the background.

Before he fully lost himself to unconsciousness, though, he heard low voices from around him.

“Do you think he’s okay?”

“I don’t know. I want him to be, but he was acting so different from himself…”

“Maybe he actually is a completely different person, like he was saying.”

“Don’t be silly, Mikey. How would that even be possible?”

“I don’t know, why don’t we ask him?”

There was a pause, then the voices continued.

“He went through something traumatic. We just need to be here to support him, and eventually he’ll… well, maybe he won’t go back to the way he was, but he’ll be okay.”

“I dunno, Donnie. His hug felt different.”

“Because his body is stiff, or you were imagining things. Mikey, encouraging his delusions is probably not helpful, okay? I still need to do more research, but for now…”

“I know, I know.”

The voices faded again, and Leo found that he couldn’t keep his hold on consciousness any longer. He drifted off, wanting nothing more than to later wake up and open his eyes in his own body, in his own room, with his own family surrounding him.

[whats-k-popping]

Namjoom appendicitis?

Thanks for the request! <3 I hope you like it! I've got two other sick Namjoon requests completed which I'll be posting today as well. I managed to get so much writing done yesterday and I'm excited to share it all!

Pairing: Namjin (platonic intentions but read as you want) || ft. rest of the member briefly

Words: 2570

Warnings: Emeto || Graphic Descriptions of Illness || Appendicitis || Fever || ER Trip || Hospital Admission || Mentions of surgery/scaring || Slight angst

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Namjoon pulls the thermometer out of his mouth. He looks down at the digital reading- 37.8. It’s not a terrible fever, but he wants a second opinion before making any decisions for the day. He carries the thermometer to his hyungs' room and knocks on the door. 

Seokjin answers, toothbrush sticking out of his mouth. He looks quizzically at Namjoon, looking the younger member up and down for any sign of distress. When he eyes the thermometer in hand, he forgoes any greeting and just invites Namjoon inside. Yoongi is nowhere to be seen. He must have already been downstairs with the others. “Hyung, I have a fever.” He shows Seokjin the thermometer, but the device has since turned off. He curses slightly under his breath and sticks the thermometer back under his tongue.

Seokjin rolls his eyes with a fond chuckle. He rushes to the bathroom to spit out the toothpaste in his mouth while Namjoon fidgets with the buttons. When Seokjin returns, Namjoon’s taken a seat on the edge of his bed with the thermometer sticking out of his mouth. Seokjin takes in Namjoon’s appearance. He doesn’t look sick. Maybe he looks a little tired and worn out. But don't they all. But it’s odd. He knows Namjoon’s also not one to complain. So he assumes it must be serious. He places a hand on Namjoon’s forehead while they wait for the thermometer to beep. It's a little warm, but Seokjin’s not concerned. It could easily just be the leftover warmth from being tucked into bed.

The thermometer beeps and Namjoon pulls it out. 37.9. Again, a pretty low grade fever. Namjoon looks at the number dejected. Seokjin clicks his tongue, “I guess you do have a little bit of a fever, Joonie. Is anything else bothering you?” He doesn’t want to minimize Namjoon’s feelings. The leader came to him after all, presumably for help.

“Mmm, my stomach aches, a little, I think?” He clutches his stomach while he speaks. It really feels like minor complaints. But he can feel it in his gut. His intuition is telling him something's not right.

“Like you’re going to throw up?” Seokjin asks for clarification. He’s starting to assume Namjoon caught a stomach bug in the early stages. Arguably the best time to catch it.

Namjoon shakes his head, “More like cramps. It hurts, like aching.” There’s a whine in the leader’s voice that is categorically not Namjoon. “I’m just not feeling very good today, hyung.”

Seokjin’s torn. Namjoon’s not exhibiting any symptoms that would justify a day off. He’s pretty sure his parents have sent him to school with higher fevers in his youth. And they always have cramps and muscle aches from the choreography rehearsals. But Namjoon never over exaggerates. Namjoon has never overplayed symptoms to get a day off. He usually doesn’t even recognize his body might be trying to tell him something until it’s too late. Seokjin doesn’t know what he should do. “Namjoon-ah, do you want to stay back today?” He asks, realizing Namjoon never actually made any kind of request. Maybe Seokjin's got the leader’s objective all wrong.

“Of course not.” Namjoon admits vehemently, like the very idea offends him. He softens a bit before he continues. “But I don’t want to hold the group back. And if I'm sick, I might make trouble for you guys." 

“I’ll keep an eye on you, then.” Seokjin promises with a wide smile, “Just let me know if you start to feel any worse. I’ll make sure nothing happens to you.” Namjoon nods, returning the smile graciously. They both finish getting ready and leave with the rest of the group. 

The day starts off with a grueling 6 hour rehearsal. And it's not even the slow step-by-step breakdown rehearsal. It is a back-to-back full run through of all the songs in their set list rehearsal. The worst kind. But with concerts coming up, they need to be solid on all of their movements. They need to have every transition down. They need to have the positioning, posing, and posture all perfect. And if they don't, they'll run it through from the top. 

It's only been an hour and Namjoon's struggling to keep up. He's sweating more than he usually does during a full choreo run through. More than he does during a concert, even. He blames the fever. Of course it's intense choreo, it's hot in the studio, and he's wearing all black. But he knows the fever is to blame. Because despite everything, there's a faint chill deep in his bones. 

And the cramp-like feeling he acknowledged earlier is more intense. He wonders if he pulled a muscle or bruised himself. There's an ache deep in his lower belly that makes it impossible to stand up straight without yelping out in pain. He's really only moving his arms anymore. And taking baby steps from side to side. And even that little bit takes everything out of him. 

In one misstep, he manages to take out Taehyung and Yoongi in the formation. The song stops abruptly. Jimin and Hoseok help Taehyung and Yoongi off the floor and check for injuries. Thankfully there aren't any. Seokjin rushes to Namjoon's side, having witnessed the incident in the mirror. 

"Sorry, Tae. Sorry, Hyung." Namjoon apologizes, still hunched over and very much out of breath. "My fault." 

Taehyung's quick to brush it off with a swift “no harm done" and gets back into formation. Yoongi goes back to formation as well, ready to start the song over. But he eyes Namjoon suspiciously as he does. Whatever's going on, it seems Seokjin's in on it. 

Seokjin pulls Namjoon off to the side of the studio. He puts a hand on Namjoon's forehead and finds that he's burning up. His fever is way higher than it was back at the dorms. He's surprised it had spiked so much so quickly. "Namjoon-ah, you need to sit down." The older man strongly suggests. 

Namjoon takes a step but winces in pain. He presses his hands over the lower right side of his abdomen. Eventually, he finds his breath, the pain quelled for the time being. "I told you I didn't want to make trouble.” He complains, inching closer to the formation.

Seokjin’s ready to put his foot down about the situation. He’s ready to call a medic and have Namjoon escorted to the dorms, or the clinic if Namjoon’s really not feeling that well. “I really think you should-”

Namjoon cuts him off. “I'll be okay. I can manage." the leader replies through a clenched jaw. 

Seokjin doesn't believe it, not even for a second. They still have hours left of rehearsal. But Namjoon’s old enough to make his own decisions. And he’s wise enough to lead the members to the forefront of the global stage. Clearly, he must know what he’s doing. Seokjin bites his tongue. He does second guess his decision from that morning. Maybe he should have forced Namjoon to stay back at the first sign of illness. What was he thinking?

He comes to the resolution that Namjoon will wear himself out. He’s nearing his limit, then he’d be able to rest peacefully knowing he pushed himself as hard as he could. Seokjin wordlessly vows to pay closer attention to the leader as he hangs on to the last of his energy. To start, he doesn't let Namjoon rejoin the formation until he drinks at least half a bottle of water. He's sweating bullets from the fever. The last thing they need is for him to be dehydrated. 

No one asks any questions when Namjoon rejoins the formation. They can all see he's not at 100%, he’s barely pushing 50%. But Seokjin took care of it, whatever it is. So they unanimously and silently decide to go easy on him. They're all more mindful of their own positioning around Namjoon, making sure there's no further collisions when the leader doesn't move like he's supposed to. 

They're midway through the 15th song when Namjoon bends at the waist and heaves a puddle of water onto the floor. Again, the music stops abruptly but this time the members don't brush it off. Seokjin rushes to Namjoon, easing him to the floor as he continues to vomit heavily onto the polished hardwood. At first it’s just the water he drank. But it soon becomes everything he’s eaten in the last two days. 

"Alright, hyung. What's going on?" Yoongi seethes. He's clearly worried and it's manifesting into anger. "What are you not telling us?" 

Seokjin's rubbing circles into Namjoon's back. The puddle is growing larger by the second. And Namjoon's not showing any signs of slowing down anytime soon. Between heaves, Namjoon’s screeching out in pain, begging for help and relief. Jungkook swoops in with the studio trash bin and puts it under Namjoon's mouth in time for the next heave. He takes over holding onto Namjoon so Seokjin can address the frantic members. 

"He wasn't feeling too well this morning-" Seokjin starts.

"-And you told him to come to rehearsal?" Jimin interrupts, sounding absolutely horrified. It's a very un-Seokjin thing to do. Usually, Seokjin's all about doting on his dongsaengs and making sure they take care of themselves. "You knew he was sick and didn't make him stay back." 

"Jimin-ah, guys, I swear." Seokjin's quick to defend himself, "he didn't seem that sick. His fever was low. And he said he just felt cramps. I assumed it was just morning fatigue and he'd get over it." Seokjin feels the blame of the members, like skewers piercing through his heart 6 times over. He has disappointed his dongsaengs. He let Namjoon down. He crumbles under the weight of his own shame, collapsing onto his knees. He should have been a better hyung. "I didn't know he'd get so sick so fast." He sobs, "I'm sorry. I should have paid better attention." Tears pour freely from his eyes. "I'm so so sorry." 

No one offers Seokjin any sympathy. They all rush to tend to Namjoon. Yoongi noticies the positioning of Namjoon’s hands on his stomach and it triggers flashbacks for him. His mind wanders to their early debut days. He remembers the stomach pains, the fever spikes, and the rolling nausea. He wouldn’t wish that on his worst enemy, and his heart aches thinking it’s happening to his best friend. “He needs to go to the hospital. Right now. I think his appendix burst.” 

Jimin cringes at the mention, also having some residual traumatic feelings around Yoongi’s diagnosis and the pain Namjoon’s experiencing. But Jimin was never this bad. Thankfully, they caught his appendicitis early and were able to remove it before it ruptured. 

Taehyung runs to find a manager and explains the situation. In a matter of minutes, Namjoon is rushed to the hospital. EMTs come to the same conclusion that Yoongi drew and he was rushed to an emergency surgical procedure as soon as the ambulance skids to a stop at the trauma bay. 

Namjoon wakes up an indiscriminate time later in an unfamiliar room. He can’t remember anything after drinking water with Seokjin at practice. There’s clearly some pieces missing. He shifts to take in his surroundings and winces at a fresh pain in his side. When he takes a look, he sees the incision site and six neatly wound stitches holding two pieces of his skin together. Looking at it makes his skin crawl. 

“Hyung, don’t look at it.” Taehyung’s small voice fills the room, drowning out the beeping of the vitals monitor for a short while. Namjoon hadn’t even known the rest of them were in the room. He cranes his neck to look at them, trying to do everything he can to keep his torso still. 

“Welcome back, Joonie-hyung.” Jungkook greets with his wide bunny smile. They’re all huddled in the corner holding balloons, stuffed toys, get well cards, and a treats basket. For after he’s recovered, of course. “How are you feeling?” 

“Hurts,” Namjoon groans, “What happened?”

“Your appendix nearly ruptured.” Yoongi explains, “You had to have surgery to remove it.” 

“Surgery?” Namjoon slurs, glancing back at the scar above his hip. “Was everything okay?” 

Hoseok chuckles fondly, stepping closer to Namjoon. “Everything went fine. You’ll be good as new in a few weeks. You’re pretty lucky, Joonie. You could have really hurt yourself today.” He holds onto one of Namjoon’s hands. “You need to tell someone when you really aren’t feeling well.” 

Namjoon glances in Seokjin’s direction. The older man looks down, avoiding any kind of eye contact. “I did tell someone.” He remarks. The air in the stuffy hospital room fills with tension. 

Jimin feels the tension like an elephant sitting on his shoulders. He corrals the members, Seokjin excluded. “Come on, we should give them some space.” He whispers to the members. But out loud he announces they are going to the cafeteria. He says he’ll pick something up for Seokjin and recalls that this hospital has the best rice pudding for Namjoon. 

Seokjin and Namjoon are left alone in the room. They can both feel the awkward air between them. It’s a few minutes before either of them breaks the silence. 

“Namjoon, I-” 

“Hyung, wha-” 

They both try to speak at the same time. “Sorry, you first.” Seokjin recedes immediately. 

“I told you I didn’t feel good today.” Namjoon scolds, “I told you I didn’t want to make trouble for the group.”

Seokjin bites his tongue. It’s not often that Namjoon speaks to him in a scolding manner. Even though he’s the leader, he’s usually gentler toward the hyungs. Yoongi excluded, those two can go at each other’s throats. He wants to bite back that Namjoon also told him he didn’t want to skip rehearsal. And that he said he’d be fine to continue. But Seokjin knows he’s in the wrong. Everything Namjoon had said to him was muddled with fever and pain. He never should have listened to him. “You’re right, Joonie. I should have taken you to the doctor as soon as you told me you didn’t feel good. This is my mistake.” He admits, daring to move closer. He wants Namjoon’s comfort, though he isn’t sure he deserves it. 

“You said you’d take care of me.” Namjoon’s breath hitches as he continues, wiping at his eyes. He doesn’t cry, but he wants to. Deep down he knows it’s not Seokjin’s fault. Since it was his appendix, he knows he would have ended up in the hospital regardless. Resting for the day wouldn’t have solved anything. But he still hurts. He trusted his hyung to guide him, to take care of him. 

Seokjin doesn’t hesitate anymore, he rushes right in and consoles Namjoon. He rubs the younger’s shoulder gently. “Oh, Namjoon-ah.” He shushes, “I will always take care of you.” Namjoon leans into his hyung’s touch. He shouldn’t take it out on Seokjin. He can never stay mad at his hyung for too long. “I’ll do better. I’ll be with you while you recover, until you’re all better. Promise.” 

Namjoon likes the sound of that, “Hyung, I’m tired.” 

“Then sleep,” Seokjin squeezes himself onto the edge of the hospital bed. He doesn’t jostle Namjoon’s body but manages to wrap an arm around the leader’s shoulders. Namjoon rests his head against Seokjin’s shoulder and falls asleep before the other members return with food.

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A/N: As always, thanks for reading to the end! Feedback is always appreciated. And please let me know if I missed any tags or TWs. Please call me out for any errors you notice!

[lupecastillejo]

The time I got Pancreatitis and almost died. Buckle up it's a long one (Update 12/06/2022)

Well... it's been a while now has it? To be honest, a lot has happened since the last time I checked this blog. Ha, I don't even know where to begin... Um well, why am I here again is a good place to start. I only come on here when I'm having a hard time and I think I've finally come to the realization that I am mentally having a hard time again. But I think I am either coping with it well or still in shock. lol, I guess after writing my feeling out in this blog I'll figure that out, huh?

I love coming back to this blog though because I get to take a look back and see how far I have come from high school/ college and well truly feel like I'm in a better place. Hell, now I am the one telling people that it gets better because in the grand scheme of things it does. I've learned that it's all about perspective and deciding where you want to go from here. And I think these last few months have truly been a test of that belief because OH MAN has it been a tough.

In late July I was suffering with severe abdominal pain that progressively got worse over the span of a week resulting in the ER. I was the admitted to the hospital with pancreatitis caused by passing gallbladder stones. I was in so much pain I felt like I was dying and I ain't no bitch either when it comes to pain but this was something completely unimaginable. At some point, while waiting in the ER, I told my Fiance to just have them kill me. I was blacking out and had uncontrollable vomiting. They would give me morphine IV every 2 hours and it did absolutely nothing. I just wanted to die, but hearing my fiance cry out to the nurses for help I knew that I couldn't leave him like this I had to try at least for him. So I did, I hung on just long enough to wake up in my own hospital room. But shortly after my pain was stabilized I was then going into a diabetic coma. My blood pressure shot up and my sugar was almost 500 when the normal is 90-120. I felt so weak but knew I had to keep fighting and to be honest, I don't remember a lot after that. Except occasionally waking up and finding my fiance next to me watching my vitals closely to make sure I wasn't crashing again. After I finally woke up a surgeon informed me that I needed to get my gallbladder removed in order to prevent any additional episodes of pancreatitis. So my fiance and I agreed to the surgery. Unfortunately, we later discovered that we made the decision way too soon in my recovery. While I was under anesthesia for the surgery I had multiple complications that placed me in the ICU for a week. The doctors wanted me on a respirator because I was not wanting to breathe on my own nor was I intaking enough oxygen, but luckily I started breathing on my own. Again I don't remember very much, these are things I was told by the people around me as well as my medical documents. Once released from the ICU I was placed in observation and later discharged. After being home for a few days I contracted COVID, after 2 hellish weeks I finally tested negative but was left with horrible stomach issues so back to the ER I went. Here I found out that having COVID triggered another episode of pancreatitis, further studies were done and a pseudocyst was found. Considering the pancreas was put through so much stress large portions of the pancreas became necrotic causing a pseudocyst to form. I was devastated, I had no clue how much of my pancreas was viable, if any, or if my diabetes caused by my pancreatitis would ever be reversible.

And it was at this point, the old me re-entered my mind, and old thoughts of feeling like a waste of a life began. I felt like a failure, I felt that I could have saved so many people a lot of heartache and stress if I just went through with killing myself all those years ago. I wanted to hurt myself so badly but I couldn't because I was being monitored every 2 to 3 hours and they would find my cuts during the physical if I did. Although, that thought shortly dissipated when my fiance came to see me. He knew where my mind would spiral to and helped me cope with the news. From there I spent 2 weeks in the hospital AGAIN to fully recover from my pancreatitis. Once discharged I had to wait 3 more weeks before starting the surgery process of removing my pseudocyst since it needed time to mature. This process took a series of 9 endoscopic procedures under general anesthesia over the span of 4.5 weeks. Thank god for the staff and doctors who were involved with my case. Honestly the sweetest people I have ever met. I already had mad respect for nurses but after becoming a frequent flyer at the hospital and getting to know my nurses, wow! I have no words to explain how amazing these people were. I have a debt of gratitude to these people for helping me physically and mentally get through every procedure. They understood that I was scared for my life because of my first encounter with going under and they all helped reassure me not to worry. I wouldn't have been able to get through this journey without them as well as my fiance.

Now I am 2 weeks post op and I am physically feeling better but now I am left with the mental aspect of the whole event. And to be honest I'm not sure how to feel... I'm happy that this situation brought my fiance, my family and I closer together as well as being able to finally get my health back on track. Although I still have one surgery left and that's the one that put me in the ICU, my gallbladder removal. I have high hopes that this time around things will go smoother since I am in better health but you never know, anesthesia still has its risks. But fingers crossed everything works out, I guess. I will do an additional update after Friday but as of right now still no clue how to think about the situation.

Since I have been sick I haven't been able to work so I'm spending more time alone, plus I have lost like 60 lbs and look so different. I'm not sure if it's a good different. I have always struggled with my weight and right now I'm at my smallest... but the downside is that I actually like my current weight. I feel healthier and definitely have more energy than before so I mean that's a positive. But I really don't want to go back to worrying about my weight, for so long I was hyper-focused on my appearance and I have finally come to terms with my weight and I'm scared that all those bad habits will come back once I start gaining the weight back. But I guess we will find out over time how this is going to play out. I've been trying to reassure myself that I look good fat or skinny and that I still look good even with more weight on just to ease the pain when I start to gain the weight back.

One more positive thing about this whole situation is that Esai and I are way closer than before. That poor man had to suffer by my bedside for so long and I couldn't even begin to express how much that has meant to me. He's been so positive and reassuring about our future that it has helped me cope with my situation.

I'm honestly at this point just ready to move on with my life and enjoy the moments that were taken from me in 2022.

[hbelcherarts246-01]

Process & Reflection (Week 7)

Text Reflection

This week's chapter of the text discussed several very interesting typographic concepts, specifically concepts that pertain to the evolution of typographic technology.

I found it really interesting to read about the evolution of typographic design, from its very basic origins to its refined and versatile modern form. I especially found phototypesetting to be a really interesting method of designing typefaces. I had never heard of this method before reading this chapter, and I think it is something I would like to try someday.

I also found the brief section about the world of possibilities that modern screen-based typography has opened up for graphic designers interesting. The images reminded me of an article I recently read about the new standard, so to speak, for resumes and cover letters. While we've all been taught for years to develop an eye-catching and professional resume to get the attention of potential employers, with the introduction of AI algorithms, this is no longer the best idea.

If you include graphics or other interesting elements, such as a versatile and interesting display font, the AI algorithms will skip over your resume, costing you a job. This is particularly devastating to creatives looking for professional work because creative resumes and portfolios have always been the unquestioned norm.

I know that this train of thought is a bit tangential, but the side-by-side comparison in the textbook of what web-based typography used to look like at its very beginnings versus what it looks like nowadays was very striking. It’s upsetting and confusing that we have, with the introduction of AI, somehow gone backward.

Process

This is the part of the blog that I have been very anxious to write about. I don't want to overshare with strangers on the internet, but it’s been a difficult month.

I've been struggling with mental health as a result of a “domino effect” of family crises that all happened over the span of the last 2 weeks. I’ve been living in fight or flight the last few weeks because terrifying, unreal-feeling things keep happening and I feel like my family and world are falling apart.

My dad got sick a few months after I started college and he’s been in and out of the hospital ever since then. A few weeks ago, he was admitted to the ICU. My mom didn’t say anything about it to me until a week later, when he caught an infection from the hospital.

My boyfriend took a day off work to drive me to the hospital where my dad was originally admitted. I got to see my brothers, which was a little comforting. I’m so grateful to have them and my boyfriend. They keep me grounded and I really hope I do the same for them.

I tried to fill in as a parent and be there for my brothers as much as I could, but I’m bad at comforting people. I’m still trying to be there for them, even though I’m back in Columbia now. My mom has been in a New Jersey mental health facility since November, so they’re alone.

My dad is in a different hospital now, but it’s a much cleaner one than the first. He’s still fighting off the infection he caught from the other hospital.

I haven’t been sleeping and I'm exhausted. I’ve been spending most of my “down time” struggling to keep up with my classes’ assignments and projects. I feel like I’ve fallen behind. I’ve neglected a lot of other responsibilities like taking care of my physical health.

I'm just trying to do damage control at this point. I spoke to one of my professors about what my next steps should be, but I need to speak to my other professors still. I'm going to email/possibly meet with my advisor as well, because she helped me make it through a similar emergency with my family last year. I have an appointment at the Student Health Center on March 4th for counseling, which I need right now.

There's honestly nothing I want more than to go back to normal, sleep, and try to deal with what's happening and how I'm feeling through my projects.

Past project; original music festival logo on left and revised/final version on left.

Current project; envelope experiments (top) and pattern/typeface mood board (bottom).

[dawnsociety]

Hi!~ I saw your post about requests being open for SF9 fics! You made the post a while ago, so I checked your profile, and it doesn't seem as though your requests are currently closed, but if they are my apologies! You can just skip this if that's the case. But if they're still open, I have some fic ideas that I would love to see be made into full stories! Here are some ideas I've had, you absolutely do not have to do all of these! Feel free to pick and choose which ones speak to you and go from there! And there's no rush either! I've also added potential smut ideas for each story, but if you're not comfortable writing something like that, that's totally fine! Also, if it isn't too much trouble, could the reader in one of the stories be a trans man? I'm a trans guy and we don't get a lot of x reader fics written about us.

Bodyguard AU Youngbin where the reader is like, the 18th person in line to the throne, and Youngbin is the only bodyguard assigned to them since the royal family does not view them as a priority. However, Youngbin is hopelessly in love with them and views them as his top priority at all times and is actually the best bodyguard the royal family have because of his dedication to the job. The reader returns his affections but is unaware that Youngbin loves them back, thus creating relentless ~yearning~ from the both of them. A confession finally happens when the reader risks their life to save Youngbin despite it being Youngbin's literal actual job to do that for them. The reader will be in the hospital and Youngbin is worried sick and he stays with them 24/7, the poor lad hasn't slept a wink since he got there and when the reader finally wakes up, Youngbin declares his love for them because he would've lived the rest of his life filled with regret if the reader had died and they never got to know. Cue happy ending! Possessive sex would work for this story. But not like, toxic possessiveness?? Nothing yandere-esque. It would be more like, soulmate-y type possessiveness. Youngbin saying he's theirs and the reader saying they're his, constant eye contact, holding hands, cumming together, ya know that sort of thing.

Fashion Model AU Seokwoo where he's one of the most well-known fashion models in the entire world, and the reader has been his personal assistant since the very beginning, even before he had gotten famous. The reader is incredibly short, so there's a comically large height difference between the two of them, so Seokwoo has a lot of nicknames for the reader about how short they are. Nicknames like Cupcake, Shortie, Mouse, Cutie, Bunny, Baby, Honeybee, Puppy, Ladybug, etc. It is REALLY obvious to everyone but the reader that Seokwoo loves them. He's physically affectionate with everyone, but he's especially so with the reader. Clings to them all day long, LOVES picking them up and carrying them around cuz he thinks they're so cute, gets jealous in a very harmless, amusing, goofy sort of way where if he sees anyone attempting to flirt with the reader he runs over to them so fast he trips over his own long ass legs to get to their side as quickly as possible. Meanwhile, people hit on Seokwoo ALL THE TIME, but he does everything in his power to swat away all their advances cuz they mean nothing to him. Anytime it happens, it leaves the reader feeling a little grumpy, but they don't know why cuz when it comes to their own feelings, they're kind of a dummy. But eventually, it clicks for them that they're jealous, and it makes them sad cuz they think they're being selfish for feeling this way so they try to distance themselves from Seokwoo after that and he's HEARTBROKEN cuz he's Mr. ClingyMcClingyPants and the reader won't accept his cuddles anymore, and he wants to know why. Eventually, the reader can't deny those big sad brown eyes of his anymore so they admit that they love him and that they were jealous and Seokwoo is so happy he could fly he straight up GIGGLES like a madman and starts flailing around all giddy and lovestruck and the reader is just like "??? Does this mean you love me too?" And Seokwoo's just like "YES, DUH, OF COURSE, OMG!" I'm thinking wall sex for them cuz of the height difference also, Seokwoo has a HUGE size kink so when he sees how cute and small the reader looks with they're legs wrapped around his waist against the wall looking at him with nothing but adoration in their eyes he goes feral. And his dirty talk is nonstop he NEVER shuts up, he praises them the whole time. Notices the hickey on his collarbone the day afterwards and wears it like a badge of honor lmao. He's determined to have everyone in existence see it meanwhile, the reader is so bashful over it and that just makes Seokwoo SOOO SMUG cuz he's such a cheeky devil lol.

Secret Admirer AU Youngkyun where him and the reader are coworkers at an office, and the reader has a huge crush on them, so they start sending Youngkyun anonymous love letters and Youngkyun adores it so much he gets so giggly and soft over every letter. After he starts getting them he's determined to figure out who in the office is sending them and eventually he pieces it together cuz he notices the reader is the only one in the office with a pen that writes in pink ink and all the letters he's gotten are written in pink and in one letter the secret admirer mentioned that they love his singing voice and the reader is the only one that has caught him singing to himself as he got coffee from the break room. He wants to do something really special for the reader to let them know he likes them too so he invites them over to his place to "work together" but when the reader gets there he presents them with a beautiful origami flower that's made from all the letters the reader has sent him! Sweet, loving sex for these two cuz they're adorable. The next day the reader cleans up his place for him and finishes up some of the work he had to do at the office and Youngkyun is looking at them with so much love that you can practically see the wedding proposal ideas playing out in his head.

Childhood Friends to Lovers AU Inseong where him and the reader have been best friends since they were toddlers and are celebrating his birthday together and all of his other friends are there, but eventually the party ends and everyone leaves except for the reader and Inseong and they're just goofing off, cleaning up the big mess from the party together and at some point they start dancing around together, their bodies getting closer and closer and Inseong thinks about how pretty the reader is up close and the reader is thinking the same, and then they're both even closer and the reader briefly looks at Inseong's lips and Inseong immediately notices so he asks the reader if he could kiss them and the reader says yes and one thing leads to another until they're making love on the couch. The morning after Inseong wakes up by himself on the couch and instantly assumes the worst, his melodramatic self thinking, "true love is a MYTH, everything SUCKS, feelings are for LOSERS, I've just been ABANDONED!" until he actually uses that smarty pants brain of his to notice his surroundings and see that the reader is literally right behind him in the kitchen making him breakfast so he's all like "ACTUALLY, I'VE JUST CHANGED MY MIND, TRUE LOVE IS INDEED REAL AND IT'S STANDING RIGHT BEHIND ME MAKING ME PANCAKES!" Goes over to help the reader, and by help, I mean flex his pancake making skills, and by pancake making skills, I mean he burns them so bad the smoke alarm goes off lmao

- You can call me Merman Anon! 🧜‍♂️💙

Hi! Thank you for sending me a message and trusting me with your ideas :)

Unfortunately, I don't write scenarios anymore but I'm sure you'll find plenty of writers who will use your prompts.

Have a nice day/night, Merman Anon ✨

[helloalycia]

overstepping [one] // jane banner (Wind River)

summary: after getting several voicemails from your colleague and best friend with her asking for your backup, you attempt to call her back, only to get no answer.

warning/s: mentions of rape, murder and injuries.

author’s note: this is a two parter because i finally watched Wind River and it broke my heart but also lizzie was v cute and i felt the need to write this, hope you like it x

part two | masterlist | wattpad

"C'mon, work you stupid phone," I complained for the millionth time, before standing on the chair to get a better signal.

When I saw the bars in the corner of the screen increase, a grin appeared on my lips. I loved my parents, but the fact that they lived in a remote cabin in Tennessee with zero signal was not my favourite thing.

When the bars remained, my phone decided to actually be helpful and receive all the messages, calls and voicemails I missed. I did a brief flick through, noticing nothing was too important that couldn't wait for me to return to work. As an FBI agent, I rarely got time off. And now that I had taken a two month vacation to spend with my parents, I was adamant on enjoying it, even if I was missing work a smidge.

Next were the calls, which I noticed were mostly from my colleague and close friend, Jane Banner. I furrowed my brows, realising she'd left me several voicemails, too, which was strange since she knew I was on a break from work. What could be so important?

I sighed, glancing down at my uncomfortable position standing on the chair and leaning above the wardrobe. It was the only place in the house with decent signal and the only other place that wasn’t in the middle of nowhere was twenty minutes out. Telling myself I'd just listen to one voicemail to make sure everything was okay, I played the earliest message.

"Hey, Y/N. I'm sorry, I know you're on a break, but I just had to talk to you," it began, and Jane sounded troubled. "I was in Vegas, as you know, but I've been called out to a reservation in Wyoming where this poor girl was–" She paused, releasing a shaky breath. "She was raped and left to die out in the cold. I thought I could send in another team to take a look – y'know, usual protocol. But the coroner won't rule it a homicide and you know what that means."

I swallowed hard, knowing exactly what that meant. If it wasn't ruled a homicide, no backup would come and we had to move onto the next case. But if this girl was raped and left to die, the rapist was still out there and wasn't getting caught by the FBI.

"I can't just leave it and go," Jane continued quietly, with that recognisable passion for her job evident in her voice. "I have to do what I can. But I... I can't do this alone. It's not like other cases, Y/N. It's different out here. And there's only so much their police department can do. I know you're on a break, but I was hoping that, maybe, you could come out here and help me? It's the Wind River Indian Reservation. That's it, I guess. Bye."

The message ended and I found myself chewing on my lower lip anxiously, unable to think about anything other than Jane now. She'd worried me with that one voicemail alone – I couldn't imagine what the others said.

She was usually so good at dealing with cases, but this seemed different. She sounded shaken up, attempting to put on a brave face by the sounds of it. What was so different about this case? She didn't need me. She was capable.

Curiosity got the better of me and I played the second message, ignoring the discomfort in my arms as I stretched to maintain the signal. It was left a day after the first one.

"Hey, so I just remembered that you said you don't get much signal up there with your parents," she began apologetically. "I don't mean to– shit, it's so cold..." There was a pause, a noise in the background, then she continued, "Sorry, just turning up the heating. Anyway, I was saying. I don't mean to intrude on your break. I just– I'm hoping you'll find signal and hear this because I could really use your help. I think we've got a lead on who may have done it. It was hectic today. Really could've used that backup."

She chuckled dryly at her attempt at a joke, but all I felt was guilt. She sounded exhausted within a day of being there.

"I hope you get this," she finished with a sigh. "I should go. Got a busy day tomorrow. Hope you're doing okay. Bye."

I wasted no time in playing the next message. Three days into her case.

"I don't know why I keep sending these," she began with a hoarse voice, and my heart clenched at the sound of it. "You clearly aren't getting them in time. But it's easier talking to you like this than not at all."

It went quiet, so quiet that I thought she may have finished and forgot to hang up. But then she spoke up again, a whimper escaping her lips.

"It's so hard," she admitted. "We've covered worse cases, but this one... everything about it makes me uncomfortable. Something doesn't feel right. I've got a lead – we think it might be the boyfriend who did it and we're gonna see him tomorrow. But I don't know."

I frowned, squeezing my phone tightly because I didn't recognise the girl speaking as my friend. This girl sounded broken and I wondered what she could have discovered that made her like this.

"I've got the police department with me for backup," she said with a sniffle. "And Cory, he's a hunter whose been helping me with the case. They're all gonna be with me tomorrow. But I wish you were here, too. You always make things easier."

The lump in my throat wouldn't disappear no matter how many times I swallowed it. She made things easier, too. Always. And all I wanted to was be by her side and be there for her like she always was for me.

"Sorry about this," she said with a watery laugh, and I could imagine the embarrassed smile on her face as she did. "I sound like such an idiot. Never mind these messages. Just enjoy your break. I shouldn't be worrying you like this. See you when you get back."

The message ended and I checked to see if there were anymore, but to my disappointment, there wasn't. That message was from a few days ago and she hadn't sent anything since which was concerning in itself.

Trying not to panic for no reason, I called Jane. Hopefully everything was okay and I was being stupid. She was a fully-trained FBI agent. She could take care of herself. Right?

The call rang and rang, but nobody picked up. One missed call. No biggie. She probably heard it and couldn't find her phone or something. So, I tried again.

More ringing and no answer. Okay, no big deal. Just try again.

Another call and no answer. The chewing on my lip became more intense. Why the hell wasn't she picking up? Was she still working the case?

I waited an hour, trying again at ten minute intervals, unable to fight my concern. But there was no answer every time and I realised that I couldn't sit and wait for her to call back. Not after how she sounded in those voicemails.

No, I had to go there. She needed backup.

—

Wyoming was way colder than I could have prepared for.

I mean, technically, I prepared for nothing. I bid my parents a goodbye, threw some random clothes in a bag and caught the next plane over there. I tried for Jane's phone constantly, knowing she was never one to ignore me for this long, but there was no point. She wasn't answering, which could only mean so much.

When I reached the reservation, I had no idea where anything was or what I was looking for exactly. I just knew that as soon as the taxi dropped me off in the centre of town, I didn't know where to go.

There were a lot of locals hanging around, so my first port of call was to ask them if they'd seen Jane around – or Agent Banner, as she may have introduced herself. I showed them a picture of her on my phone, described her with vivid detail, but they just stared at me like I was crazy. I was starting to believe I was at one point, until I stopped by the convenience store.

As worried as I was for Jane's whereabouts, the chill in my bones was real. Especially my hands, which I was certain would fall off any minute. So, I decided to buy some gloves and also ask the cashier if he'd seen Jane around or heard anything of her. Whilst I was doing that, a customer caught my attention, probably having overheard my conversation.

"Did you say Jane Banner?" he asked with a quirked brow, interrupting my purchase. "The FBI lady, right?"

I nodded quickly, facing him. "Yes, that's her! D'you know where she is?"

He nodded casually. "Yeah, she's in the hospital. That big shootout that happened a few days ago, right?"

My stomach dropped. "The what?"

"The shootout," he repeated, not aware of the concern in my face. "At the drill site. A bunch of officers were killed and the FBI lady was one of the only one left standing." He tutted as he shook his head. "Very lucky that one."

A shootout? The hospital? Only one left standing? No wonder she hadn't been answering her calls.

"Can you– do you–" I stopped, clearing my throat and trying to stop freaking out. "Which hospital?"

After getting the address from him, I caught a taxi to the only hospital in town and prayed to God that Jane was okay. The one thing she'd asked for was backup and I couldn't even give her that. If I'd just looked at my messages sooner... fuck.

Getting past the front desk and to Jane's room was no issue at all. A quick flash of my FBI badge was enough for the receptionist to give me the details and wave me through. My heart was constricting in my chest the longer it took. What if it was really bad? What if that customer's intel was outdated and Jane was– no. I couldn't afford to think like that.

Upon finding Jane's room, I spotted an older man leaving through the door, being careful to close it behind him. I didn't recognise him at all.

"Excuse me," I called, earning his attention. "Is that Jane Banner's room you just came from?"

He seemed surprised, glancing over his shoulder to make sure I was speaking to him, before nodding. "Yes. Sorry, who are you?"

I pulled my badge from my pocket and showed him, though I doubted anyone would take me seriously when my eyes were watering at thought of Jane being severely injured.

"I'm her friend," I said, swallowing down the lump in my throat before lowering my badge.

"Oh, you're the backup that didn't come," he said with realisation.

My eyes flickered to the floor guiltily. He wasn't exactly wrong.

"I didn't mean it like that," he added quickly. "Sorry, I didn't mean to upset you."

I shook my head, lifting my eyes to meet his. "It's okay. I should've... I should've been here." It went quiet as he didn't know what to say, so I looked to him halfheartedly. "I assume you're from the police department, one of the ones who helped Jane."

"Not exactly," he said, before putting out his hand for me to shake. "Name's Cory. I'm a hunter by trade."

Returning his handshake, I recalled Jane's voicemail. "Oh, yeah, she mentioned you... thank you for helping her out."

When I couldn’t, I added in my head.

He offered me a small smile and I couldn't find it in myself to return it. I must have looked like shit, since he gave me a pitiful gaze.

"You want me to catch you up before you go in?" he asked, nodding to Jane's door. "She's okay by the way."

I nodded, sucking up a breath. My nerves were eating away at me the longer I didn't see Jane – half of me was terrified of what I'd find, and the other half was afraid she'd be upset or angry because I left her to it, even when she pleaded for my help.

Cory and I took a seat down the hall and he proceeded to explain about the case and how they found the guy who raped that poor girl. The shootout was the worst bit, making me shiver with discomfort. Apparently, Jane had gotten blasted with a shotgun, puncturing her torso and neck despite the vest she wore. All of the officers with her were killed and by the sounds of it, Jane almost was, too. But Cory managed to take out the criminals and the rapist himself. When he was finished telling me, I had no words.

"She's a bit shaken up, but her surgery went well," Cory reassured with a short nod. "Does she know you're coming?"

I shook my head, voice thick with emotion. "She wouldn't answer her phone. I guess I know why now."

Cory nodded, rubbing the back of his neck before sparing me a consoling glance. "She talked about you a lot. I think it'll cheer her up seeing you. You should go."

My eyes met his, teary and stinging with unshed tears. "Thank you so much."

He shrugged bashfully, but he didn't realise all that he'd done. I gave him a small, tight smile before standing up with a sigh. No point dwelling anymore – I had to see her.

Pushing my selfish feelings aside, I sucked it up and approached Jane's room. She would either want to punch me or not, but either way, I had to see if she was okay. And so, when I opened the door slightly, heart racing in my chest, said heart jumped in my throat at the sight of her.

She was laying on the bed with wires stuck in her and, only from what I could see, bandages were covering the side of her neck. I thought she was sleeping at first, but then her head tilted towards the door curiously, and bright blue eyes widened with disbelief.

"Y/N?" she asked, raising her eyebrows. "What are you– how did you get here?"

I closed the door behind me and hesitantly approached her bedside, unable to stop my eyes from soaking in the sight of her. She looked so feeble and vulnerable and unlike how I saw her last. Then, Cory's words came back to me and I began to imagine the worst scenario of her getting shot, blood seeping from her wounds, the life draining from her eyes...

"Y/N," she called, and I looked to her startlingly, hoping I didn't look as troubled as I felt.

"Sorry," I said, clearing my throat. "I, er– the messages. Voicemail. I heard them and tried calling you back, but..."

She pursed her lips, exhaling with a wince and looking up at the ceiling, as if suddenly remembering she left messages in the first place.

"I'm sorry I didn't come sooner," I said quietly, guilt seeping back in.

"No, no, don't be," she said, and I just about noticed the pink dusting her cheeks. "It's not your fault. I shouldn't have interrupted your vacation like that. I know you said you wanted a break and–"

"Jane, no, don't even say that," I cut her off, reaching for her hand in an instant. She looked my way, eyes flickering between mine nervously. I squeezed her hand gently and said, "I should have been here. You needed me and I– I didn't come. Maybe if I had, this could have ended differently."

She tried to smile, but I could see the discomfort in her eyes. "It's not that bad, honestly. It just looks bad."

I pressed my lips together, eyes falling to the bandage on her neck. Even though it was big and covered her wound, I could still make out the bruising around it from the impact of the shell. I didn't imagine the torso wound looking any different, and that thought alone made me regret leaving her alone. It was very much as bad as it looked; I knew that and she knew that.

Her lips trembled as she avoided my eyes, her own tearing up. I pushed away my guilt momentarily and changed the subject.

"So, I met Cory. He seems like a great guy."

She didn't say anything as she seemed lost in thought. Either that or she was trying not to cry in front of me. I hoped it wasn't the latter, since the last thing I wanted was to make her feel uncomfortable.

"You know," I said, when she wouldn't speak, "I'm pretty sure I told you to stay safe before I left for my vacation."

At my poor attempt to lighten the mood, she cracked a small, tight smile, but a smile nonetheless, and my racing heart slowed down momentarily.

"I'm glad you're okay," I said, now that I had her attention again, and she looked my way with a softened expression. "Kind of okay. But you know... okay."

Thankfully, she knew what I meant and her hand tightened around mine.

"I'm glad you came," she returned, and I couldn't look away even if I tried. She was always able to trap me with a single gaze.

With a tug of her hand, she motioned for me to sit on the edge of her bed, so I did. And then she began to ask me about my vacation, what I'd been up to this past month, how my parents were... basically anything and everything except for the case. And it was understandable, since she was reminded of it all the time. If I could be a form of escapism for her, so be it. It was the least I could do.

We spoke for hours until the nurse came in to let me know visiting hours were over and I'd have to come back tomorrow. With a regretful sigh, I got up from my seat on her bedside and stretched my limbs.

"Where are you staying?" she asked, a slight frown on her lips.

I smiled awkwardly, realising I didn't think that far ahead. "I'm not gonna lie, I don't know. I came straight here. There's gotta be a hotel or something in this town, right?"

She nodded and flicked her hand to the shelves on the other side of the room. "You should stay in my room in the inn. Key's in my bag over there."

"Oh, I don't have to do that–"

"Y/N, it's not like I'm going to be staying there anytime soon," she cut me off, smiling halfheartedly. "Please."

I chewed on my lip and nodded, giving in. When I grabbed her keys from her bag, I stopped by her bedside and gave her a supportive smile.

"I'll back first thing in the morning, if you don't mind," I said, and she finally gave me a smile that reached her eyes.

"I'd like that."

I nodded, resting a hand on hers and squeezing comfortingly. "Goodnight."

—

Though I knew Jane was okay, I still couldn't stop myself from thinking about her all night. The sight of her wounds and the broken expression on her face was enough to keep me awake. And the guilt that came with it all... why couldn't I have just picked up my damn phone?

As promised, I returned to Jane's hospital room the next morning, this time bringing some breakfast snacks from the hospital cafeteria since I knew the food would be much better than whatever they were serving her. Judging by the content expression on her face when I gave it to her, I was right.

When she finished eating, she was able to sit up slightly and move over on her bed, urging for me to join her and watch some TV with her. There was no way I was going to turn down that offer, so I slid next to her and kept a packet of sliced apples between us as we watched whatever was playing on the TV.

About halfway through watching, she spoke up randomly, taking me by surprise.

"When are you leaving?"

I tore my gaze from the screen and realised she was staring at me with intense green eyes.

"When you're well enough to," I answered truthfully.

She looked down to her hands. "You don't have to stay with me. You can go."

I studied her profile, knowing it was the wrong time to appreciate how stunning she looked even when she was makeup-free, sporting a bed head and tired.

"Do you want me to go?" I asked softly, afraid I may have overstepped.

She was quick to shake her head slightly, finally lifting her gaze to meet mine with glossy ones. "No."

I nodded, trying very hard not to smile, cleared my throat and grabbed her hand. "Then I'm not leaving. I'll be right here until you get better and I can take you home."

A ragged breath escaped her lips as she nodded in response. We both looked back to the TV and I noticed she didn't let go of my hand, her fingers warm to the touch and giving me goosebumps at the contact. But I wouldn't have had it any other way.

[rendevousz]

mum?

mother figure!nat x fem!teen!reader

avengers x reader

req by @teenwonder ; i absolutely love the entire teams adoration for reader skfksngnsf its so cute! could i please request one a little more nat based? maybe r treats and loves nat like a mom but nat hadn’t noticed that before, and the whole team is like listing examples of how and why 🥺🥺🥺

summary: the four times you needed nat and the one time she admits that she needed you too.

warnings: blood, a random attack out of nowhere because i'm not creative, inaccurate writing of medical situations because i have no idea how those things work, also let's just pretend bruce was around during iron man 2 when tony still had palladium in his arc reactor, also inaccurate descriptions of palladium effects bcs i just...don't know much about palladium pls forgive me thanks, and idk any hospitals in new york/manhattan or even the states LMAO so uh bear with this, and last but not least, my inability to write good endings

word count: 5426

notes: that's a long ass warning nevertheless pls do enjoy this fic <3

"i'm going now, bye!" you bid the team who were having breakfast together, walking out of the common area.

"bye, cupcake! don't get into trouble, don't do what i'd do and definitely don't do what i wouldn't do." tony advised and you rolled your eyes because tony says that to you every morning before you leave for school.

"wait, don't forget your lunch!" nat stands up from her seat and grabs your lunch that she had packed, from the kitchen island, bringing it over to you. "thanks, nat!" you grabbed it, giving her a quick peck on the cheek before leaving.

nat smiles at the action, turning around to walk back to her spot on the table, only to find the team staring back at her with knowing looks.

"what?"

"you know, you only need to sign a couple papers and the kid's all yours." tony states matter-of-factly. nat snaps her head towards the man, an incredulous look on her face. "what are you talking about?"

"we all see the longing looks on both your faces. she's dying for you to call her your daughter and you, her mother." clint explains and the others nodded in agreement.

"that's nonsense. she has wanda too," nat reasons, sitting back down. "i'm pretty sure she sees wanda as a sister considering how much she drags wanda with her whenever she's causing trouble around the tower." steve raises his brows at the redhead who was in denial.

"she sees you as her mother, nat. just accept it," wanda tells her, taking a sip from her glass. "really? name me one time she showed it." nat challenges them, not knowing that they've been watching your interactions with her for the longest time.

"you have no idea what you just got yourself into, romanoff," clint chuckles, cracking his neck and knuckles as if preparing for a fight.

"remember new mexico?" he smirks and nat only frowns, trying to remember.

i.

"no!" you screamed, dropping down to the ground. you didn't care that you scraped your knees doing that, the only thing that mattered was the overwhelming feeling of grief engulfing your whole being. tears streamed down your face as you looked at the debris on the ground, the remainder of what used to be standing in front of you; a building. blown up, now in ruins.

clint, bucky and steve watched you break down in front of them, their hearts breaking at the sight in front of them as well as the fact that their teammate had been caught up in the middle of the explosion.

"y/n/n? come on, tony's team called for back up. we gotta go," steve tried to get you to stand up, failing when you kept your ground. you screamed when he tried again and their hearts clenched at the heartbreaking sound.

"we can't just leave her! please, we have to find her," you cried, clinging onto steve's body as he ran his hand up and down your suit-cladded back to soothe you. "y/n/n, we can't. the whole place is in ruins now," he didn't want to say it but he had to. he had to in order to get you to leave. "she's gone."

"she can't be gone! she can't just leave us! we need her! i need her, stevie.." you cried into his chest and he had to control himself so he didn't cry right then and there too.

he looked up to see bucky looking at the two of you guiltily, tapping his wrist to indicate that they were running out of time. steve had no choice but to carry you in his arms, getting you to leave the site against your will. but you were too weak to fight back now. "what am i gonna do without her now, stevie?" you asked quietly.

"we're gonna be okay, y/n/n," he tells you, sitting you down on a chair and settling down next to you as clint flew the jet to your next location. the atmosphere was tense and you could tell everyone, too, was sad about this.

"what if we're not? what if we're not gonna be okay, stevie? i know i won't be." you wiped the tears streaming down your face despite the fact that your face still wasn't drying up any time soon.

"because nat wouldn't want to see us like this. she'll be angry if she sees that we're risking people's lives just because of her." he says truthfully.

"we're landing, guys." clint announces and the team prepared for another round of fighting. steve turns to you, wiping the tears on your face as he made you look up at him. "now let's save some people and make nat proud, yeah?"

you nod at him sadly, preparing your weapons. all of you got out the jet and the second battle of the day begun. boy, were these people unlucky because they were on the receiving end of your fury.

you were busy taking down a group of guards alone when you heard a familiar voice. "y/n, behind you!" and you turned just in time to take down a guard who was aiming at you.

you didn't even have time to register your shock of seeing the redhead because more guards came at you two. you guys fought alongside each other until all the men were taken down.

"nat?" you breathed out. "yes, bub?" she answers as you both carefully walked over the knocked out men. she was taken aback when you slammed into her, hugging her the tightest you ever did since you met her.

"please don't ever do that again." you mumbled into her chest. she was about to ask you what you meant when she heard you sniffling. figuring out it wasn't the appropriate moment to ask, she continued to just hug and comfort you in silence.

"wait, that was why she cried that day? because she thought i was in that building when it blew up?" nat asks after steve finished the story. "i never found out why because she never told me."

"yeah, you should've seen her when the building exploded. completely shattered my heart, dude." clint states, remembering the broken down state you were in that day.

"wait, did you guys not grief over my supposed death then?" nat glares at clint, bucky and steve. "in our defense, they were about to blow up about a hundred people, we didn't have much time to process the whole situation." clint tries to convince his best friend, only to receive a glare again from her.

"alright but just because she cried when she thought i was dead, doesn't mean she sees me as her mum. i'd cry too if any one of you guys died," she states, still in denial.

she did love you like how a mother would love her child. but she didn't want you to feel that she was forcing the title onto you. after all, you had so many other adults around you, who's to say that you saw someone else as a parent figure instead of her? she didn't want to make you uncomfortable.

"woman, are you serious?" sam exclaims, throwing his hands up in the air dramatically. "need i remind you that the girl sacrificed her life for you?"

ii.

"nat, watch out!" you stood right behind her where the man was about to attack her. you gave him a harsh kick to the head and that was all it took for the man to go unconscious.

the redhead turned around, not having enough time to comprehend what had happened before you dropped into her arms. you two were lucky the last of the men had already been taken out.

"bub? what's wrong?"

at this point, you were fully leaning against her. she was holding up your whole weight, hands wrapped around your middle to support you. that was when she felt it. the familiar thick substance on her fingers, leaking from the back of your suit.

her eyes widened, pulling one hand away from you to look at it. red. her breathing picked up as one of her hands felt around your back, finally feeling the handle of a knife sticking out from your back.

your eyes were already drooping by now and she lightly shook you awake, careful to not hurt you. she lowered you down and you were both sat on the floor now.

she presses a finger to her ear and you could hear her voice echo in your ear from your own comms. "can someone come please," she paused, exhaling shakily. "y/n's down."

if it had been any other person, she probably would be bringing them to the jet by now but it was you. she didn't know what came over her but when she saw that you were injured, it was like her whole body shut down. her knees felt weak and she couldn't bring herself to move.

"hey, hey, keep your eyes open. can you do that?" she asked gently and you nodded weakly. "bub, why did you do that?" she cried softly, moving your hair away from your face as you leaned sideways against her. the action caused your face to be smudged by your own blood from her hands but she didn't care as she caressed your cheek.

"he–he was gonna hurt you. i–i couldn't..." you paused a while, the pain getting too much for you to bear. "y/n, don't strain yourself. you need to stay awake," she tells you as tears streamed down her face.

"rather me than you," you whispered. nat's eyes widened at this. "don't say that, bub." she scolds gently.

you smiled weakly at her. "i've grown too dependent on you, nat. it's to the point that i," you coughed and nat worried that you were straining yourself but you continued. "that i'd rather die than live without you. you probably can go on with life without me but i can't without you. i need you, nat." your eyes closed and nat panics, shaking your body.

"y/n?! bub?! stay awake, please, they're coming!" nat cries out loud, holding onto your limp body.

"did we not agree to not mention that to me anymore?" nat glares at sam for bringing that up.

the night of that incident had been one of the worst nights for nat. she sat by your bed all night after you had been treated. she had been the first one you saw after you woke up. she had been the one you broke down in front of after you admitted the full reasoning behind your actions. she had been the one who opened her arms for you to make yourself at home in.

"i'm sorry but you must be blind if you can't see how really she sees you for the past years," bucky states. nat turns to him with a glare. "you don't know what you're talking about."

"oh really? who does she call whenever she has a really bad nightmare?" bucky questions rhetorically with his eyebrows raised.

iii.

"no, please, don't!" you begged, asleep and thrashing around in your bed. quiet whimpers turned into heavy breathing as you plead for your life in your nightmare. "please," you whispered, inhaling and exhaling harshly.

FRIDAY, noticing the amount of distress you were in, alerted the closest person to your room, that being bucky who was returning from a late night trip to the kitchen for some water.

he quickly went into your room, only to see you shivering and thrashing around in your bed. "doll?" he approaches slowly, finding you still asleep, though sweating a lot. nightmare, he realised.

"doll? wake up," he gently shakes you and you immediately jolt awake, breathing heavily as you register what was going on. "it's okay, it was just a nightmare," he soothes you, holding you close as one hand rubbed up and down your back while the other held your head to his chest.

none of that helped as you were still in the same state as you were when you woke up. "are you okay?" he asks, worried. "nat... i need nat.. please i need her," you whimpered, shaking in his hold. you were having trouble breathing.

"FRIDAY, get romanoff."

within minutes, nat arrived, looking panicked and disheveled like she had just woken up, which she just did. "what's wrong?" she asks bucky, approaching you two.

"she was having a nightmare and woke up and i think she's having a panic attack. she asked for you," he informs her and immediately moves away when she approaches, so that she could take his place.

"bub? it's me," you look up to meet natasha's pretty green eyes. "you're okay, bub. can you tell me five thing you can see?"

you looked away from her eyes, looking around your room. "i–i see my book on my nightstand, my lamp, my jacket on the chair, my laptop and the painting on the wall." you told her after some difficulties.

"good, that's good. four things you can feel?"

"i feel the socks on my feet, my fluffy blanket, the pillow i'm leaning on and your hands around me."

she smiles softly at you. "three things you can hear?"

"i hear your voice. a–and the faint noise from the ac and i can also hear bucky's breathing." you look up at the man and he smiles sheepishly at you, standing around awkwardly. you gave him a small smile back.

"two things you can smell?"

"i can smell my own shampoo..and my room's air freshener." you told her more calmly now, feeling the panic attack already going away.

"one thing you want to taste?"

"i wanna taste wanda's blueberry pancakes." you pout and the two adults couldn't help but chuckle. "you can have them in the morning. right now you need to sleep so you can have the energy to devour them tomorrow, okay?" you nod at the woman as she tucks you in.

not long after, you fell asleep. she then presses a kiss to your forehead before leaving with a less worried bucky now. and sure enough, the next morning, wanda made you blueberry pancakes.

"okay, so what? we all need someone to help us through panic attacks?" nat rolls her eyes. "did you miss the part where i came in and tried to help but she specifically asked for you? she needed you, nat."

"guys, i... i love her with my whole heart but she has all of us. i don't wanna make her feel like she's restricted to only one of us. you all love her too," nat reasons.

"yes but she doesn't have anyone to call her mum and frankly, i think you'd be perfect for it." wanda encourages the older woman.

"i—" before she could continue, her phone rang loudly and she thanked whoever it was that called her because now she didn't have to make up excuses about her doubt of becoming your official mother.

iv.

she looks down at the caller id, sighing when it was you, meaning the team had more against her now. of course she didn't mind you calling her, you could call her when she'd be asleep after a mission and she'd still pick up with a smile on her face. but it was the fact that the whole team could see how she softened when she realised it was you who called that bothered her. she really didn't want them to let her have hopes that you'd accept her as your mother.

"bub?" she said into the phone and half the team smirked at her while the other half gave her knowing smiles. "aren't you supposed to be on your way to school?"

"yeah but uh are you busy right now? i um, i need you."

nat immediately stands up, worry etched onto her face and the team frowned at this. "what happened? are you okay?"

"you know how i told happy i wanted to walk to school today? yeah, i just remembered why i don't walk to school anymore."

"what do you mean? what happened? are you hurt? did someone hurt you?" she bombards you with questions out of worry. at this point, the team had also stopped their chatter and teasing looks, equally worried for your well-being.

"yeah, i am. wait, maybe not. i mean, i was just being dramatic but uh, i tripped on who-knows-what and now i have a sprained ankle. i can't walk now so i'm standing in an alley right now so i'm not in the way of people. can you come get me?"

nat sighs in relief, thankful that it wasn't anything that she was thinking of. "you are unbelievable, y/n." she chuckles in disbelief at your clumsiness. "can you tell me where you are? i'll come get you now. i'll have the school know you're not coming today." you told her your location and she immediately leaves after telling the team what happened to you.

you were expecting nat to call again, to tell you she was around the corner but instead you heard a whoosh of air beside your head, followed by a crack sound. your head followed the sound, eyes widening when you saw that a dart had struck the wall beside your head. you looked ahead, trying to see where that came from.

if it hadn't been for your fast reflexes being an avenger for the past few years, you probably wouldn't have ducked in time when another dart came flying right for your head. "what the hell?" you grunted, staying low but still looking around for the source. you squinted when you looked up, the sun blazing but you managed to catch a glimpse of a man on a rooftop nearby. he had blonde hair and was dressed in all black, donning a same coloured mask that covered the bottom half of his face.

"you had one job! how could you miss her twice?!" the blonde hears his colleague hiss in his ear through the earpiece. "i'm sorry! i'm no hawkeye, how was i supposed to get her in one try?!" he scolds back.

"you didn't even get her in two!"

"shut up and just let me work! you're distracting me!"

"hurry because i see the redheaded one nearing the alley. boss'll kill us if he finds out we didn't get her in her vulnerable state."

"i'm trying, i'm trying!" the blonde closes one eye, his sight now locked on your crouched state. he saw you move once you saw him and he cursed under his breath, his weapon following your movements. "she's moving!"

"just take the shot and be done with it! you have to go now!"

and shoot he did. after he shot the dart gun, he immediately fled but it wasn't like you were going to be able to chase him down or anything. a scream left your lips as a dart pierced through your skin, right under your shoulder.

you dropped down to the ground, right in the middle of the alleyway. you cried when you felt the burn in your flesh. you had been stabbed multiple times before with much bigger objects so why did this feel different?

"y/n?! is that you?!" you heard nat's voice yell from a small distance away. "i'm here," you croaked out, feeling your body grow weaker at an alarming rate.

"oh my god, bub, why are you on the ground? it's dirty, c'mon let's get you up. which foot did you sprain?" she places both her hands under your arms, pulling you up on your feet before accidentally dropping you back when you let out a shriek, crying out in pain.

"oh my god, did i hit your ankle? are you okay?" nat assumed that your tear-stained face was because of your sprained ankle but then you wheezed, your eyes drooping the longer she stood there.

your right hand slowly reached across your left shoulder, the butt of the dart sticking out of your skin now in between your shaking fingers. nat's eyes followed your hand movement's, a gasp leaving her lips.

"y/n, what happened?!" she panicked but before she could even get an answer from you, you had already blacked out. her eyes widened, knowing it was the dart because why else would you pass out that quick from a simple penetration in the shoulder. you had dealt with much worse than that and she knew your tolerance level.

she took off your bag, careful to not move the dart. she then placed her hands under your knees and behind your back, easily picking your unconscious body up and rushing back to the tower.

when she arrived, she was met with many confused yet concerned looks from the tower staff, seeing the black widow, rushing in with the youngest avenger unconscious in her arms. they had seen you leave the tower for school about half an hour ago so they knew something must've happened on the way.

"get bruce in the hospital wing. tell him it's urgent." she tells the woman working the front desk, hurrying into the elevator and telling FRIDAY to get her to the floor she so desperately wanted to arrive at quicker. black lines appeared on the left side of your neck, slowly spreading to the right side and she assumed it was from that damned dart in your left shoulder.

"natasha! what's wrong? they said it was an emergency," the doctor spoke in a panicked voice when nat entered, immediately going quiet when he saw you in her arms, neck lined with seemingly black veins.

nat laid you down on the surgery table, frown growing when black lines steadily spread to your arms now. though she was too worried to think, she managed to at least tell bruce what was outwardly wrong with you.

"dart. left shoulder." she blurted, incapable of forming proper sentences now that she had seen more of you. the black lining your skin got her speechless and anxious. bruce got ready with medical gloves, removing the dart from your flesh before analysing the pattern of your skin. it looked familiar.

"FRIDAY, get tony down here. it's urgent."

"bruce, please, what's wrong with her?" she cried, tears now freely streaming down her face. she didn't cry much in front of anyone but when it came to you, you always managed to get her to do just that.

"hey, what's going on? FRIDAY said there was an emergency here, who's hurt?" nat heard tony's panicked voice but she didn't make an effort to reply. her gaze was fixed on only you.

tony's jaw dropped, frowning when he saw you on the bed, upper body covered in black lines. "what the hell happened?!"

tony stepped beside bruce, taking a closer look at your skin. his frown deepened. "wait, it looks like.."

"yeah, looks exactly like when you had palladium instead of vibranium in your arc reactor."

"does that mean—"

"palladium's been running through her veins for about twenty minutes now. FRIDAY, how high is her blood toxicity level?" bruce asks, sampling a drop of your blood from when he took out the dart.

"53% and it is still steadily increasing."

"tony, at the rate it's going, if she's not treated in the next fifteen minutes or so, she'll.." bruce pauses, not wanting to say it out loud.

"no, she just needs lithium dioxide. that's how fury and i cured your palladium poisoning, tony." nat finally speaks.

"SHIELD probably has them but they're all the way in dc. they're not gonna reach here in time," tony states solemnly, reaching over to move your hair out of your face, looking down at you sadly.

but he was immediately pulled aside, nat grabbing his collar and looking him straight in the eyes. "you have your stupid iron suits that can probably travel faster than the speed of sound if you try. you can go down there yourself and get the damn thing. i swear to god, tony, i'm literally going to destroy those stupid suits myself if you don't put them to good use." nat threatens, glaring at the billionaire.

tony's eyes widened, the genius having not thought about nat's idea yet. "yeah, yeah, you're right, i'll go now."

he left immediately and nat approached your bed hesitantly, not wanting to see the black lines making home on the skin on your upper body. "do you think tony'll make it back in time?" she sniffles and bruce's worried frown on his face softened. "of course he will. he won't let anything happen to y/n. we won't let anything happen to y/n." he assured her.

there was nothing they could do now but wait for tony to come back with the lithium dioxide. nat sat beside your bed, hands gingerly grasping one of your own. despite the black staining it, nat held it to her face and her tears rolled past the back of your hand.

bruce decided to give her some privacy, opting to inform the whole team of the situation instead of standing around idly.

nat pulled your hand away from her face, rubbing her thumb over the back of it, crying even more at the sight in front of her. "y/n, please. i've never told you this but i need you." she pauses, breathing in shakily. "i've always needed you and i'll always need you. you can't leave me, please. you said i could go on with life without you but you're so wrong, y/n. you're the reason i'm still here and you're the reason i still want to be here. if you're not here then it's as if i have no reason, no purpose. i need you, y/n. so much more than i'd like to admit. heck, probably much more than you need me. so please, don't leave me. i can't do this without you." nat sobs out, watching the patterns on your skin spreading and growing bolder.

at this point, the whole team had now gathered outside of the room, watching nat cry over you. they wanted so bad to get a closer look at their beloved baby avenger but they respected nat and instead, waited for her to finish talking to you. once she stood up and looked around, bruce knew she was done so he entered, followed by the team.

"status, FRIDAY?" bruce asks, sampling a bit of your blood again. "blood toxicity at 96% now."

the team looked your unconscious body in apprehension, some crying and some worried out of their minds.

"goddamnit! where the hell is stark?!" nat growled. her eyes were now puffy after having spent the last half an hour crying. the team had never seen her lose her cool like this but they figured why.

as if on cue, tony's iron man suit crashed through the windows of the room but he couldn't care less. his main priority was to get to you quickly. in his hand was a silver briefcase that he passed to bruce.

bruce opened the case before wasting no time in plunging the syringe containing lithium dioxide, your supposed cure, into you. immediately, the black patterns on your skin started disappearing. it was slow but noticeable. it started from the tips of your fingers, going up towards your neck.

everyone sighed in relief, and to tony's surprise, nat hugged him tightly. "thank you. you have no idea how much this means to me." she whispers. tony pats her back gently. "hey, i care about her too, okay? of course i'd do this for her. any one of us would."

nat smiles at him when she let him go, turning back to you and almost crying out in joy when your skin had finally turned back to normal. she let the medical assistants set your bed up and handle your sprained ankle before going back to sit by you. the team left her alone with you once again.

it was only about an hour later did you wake up, squinting when bright lights shone down on you. you moved around but you felt hands around your left and you heard a familiar voice.

"and remember when you dragged wanda to pull that prank on me with you and after you did, i grounded you like i was your mum or something?" you hear her chuckle, still not noticing that you've woken up.

"i didn't mind, though. frankly, i don't think i would ever mind if you continued acting like my mother or something," you spoke and she immediately tore her gaze from your hands, looking at you, now wide awake.

"bub!" she hugs you so tightly you didn't think you could breathe. you still returned the hug though, laughing. "i was worried you might still have some palladium in your bloodstream."

"wait, palladium?" you asked her in shock. "yeah, the dart that got you in that alley, it contained palladium. it's highly toxic so we used lithium dioxide to counter it. speaking of the dart, i'm going to find out who did this to you and they're never going to see the light of day for putting us through all of this." nat says, disturbingly calm.

"yeah...you do that," you tell her, slightly scared. "but palladium? in my blood? how cool is that? i had literal metal in my blood! i could've become like tony but like...palladium woman or something." you said excitedly.

"you do know we already have metal in our blood, right bub?" nat questions in amusement. "oh." you say dumbly. "and palladium don't belong in our body and you literally almost died because of it." your mouth opened but no words came out.

"speaking of, can you please not do that again? i really thought i was gonna lose you." she whispers, stroking your hair. "oh yeah, of course. i'll just announce to the whole world to not target the youngest avenger," you joke, smile dropping when nat gave you a stern look.

"nat, being part of the avengers at my age undoubtedly means i'll be a target for the bad people out there, but i don't care because while i get to kick ass, i know all of you have my back when it's my ass that's kicked. and i think that's the best part of being an avenger; the sense of security i get having you amazing people as my teammates." you tell her honestly and she smiles softly.

"oh come here you," she pulls you in for another hug but this time it's better because you could still breathe. you make yourself comfortable, snuggling into her.

"did you mean it?" she asked and you look up at her in confusion. "mean what?"

"when you said you wouldn't mind me acting like your mother."

"of course i do, you're like the mother i never had. i wouldn't even mind you being my actual mother." you say without a second thought, eyes widening when you realised what you had said. you swore under your breath, knowing you've just made it awkward between you two.

"i– really?" despite the teams efforts to make her see the truth, it was much more meaningful when she heard you say it yourself. "y–yeah.." you admit sheepishly.

"then you wouldn't mind if i actually adopted you?" she asks carefully, gauging your reaction. your jaw dropped, eyes going wide once again. "are you serious?!"

"yeah." she smiles at you fondly. "no! of course i won't mind!" you hug her tightly, tears forming in your eyes. you had gone all your life without parents so this was a huge thing for you. not only were you going to finally have a mother, but the most amazing woman you knew was going to be your mother.

"mum?" you tested the title, smiling when she acknowledged it. you were now crying in joy.

"hey, don't cry." she soothes you, running a hand up and down your back. "no, no, i'm just so happy. this is the best day of my life." you tell her. "me too, bub."

you stayed in her arms until you fell back asleep, nat tucking you in before going back to sit down on the chair. she looked down at you fondly.

sure, she was scared of the big step she was about to take with you but she had you with her and she knew that was enough. "i love you, y/n." she whispers, planting a kiss on the side of your head.

taglist <3

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[whitemoths]

My mom has to get dialysis for her kidneys. I've been living in the hospital for six days with her, ever since she was admitted Friday with an abcess from her car accident injury back in January. She now has a foot long after-surgery wound across her belly as if someone took a machete and hacked away the meat. Layers of fatty tissue and skin are exposed with clear tape over it.

I've been on here a lot trying to distract myself and it has kept me from stewing in my own worries and anxiety juices. Today is an another worrisome day though.

I could write a book on how much she doesn't deserve any of this. I can't put into words what type of person she is. She's different. I've never met another person like her. So gentle, wise, kind, intelligent, extremely strong, a protective and loving momma wolf. She is my best friend and my family's sun.

Anyway, I write this so that whoever comes across this keeps her in their thoughts. I do believe in the power of collective consciousness and the power of healing thoughts. So please ask the universe to look out for this special soul for me. We've got lots more healing to do.