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iddybiddysquish · 10 months

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Fate - Chapter Six

Masterlist

Plot Description: What would happen if someone with Dissociative Identity Disorder (multiple personalities; writer has DID themselves) got a god of death as another personality? Follows the plot of the anime and manga mixed including dialogue directly from the anime where appropriate. Character x cast of death note

Very minor self insert/OC that I've made into a vague reader insert that involves the reader being concerningly intertwined with Kira and his happenings against their will and seemingly against fate.

Fandom: Death Note

Gender: Female

Warnings: Dark and triggering content regarding death, suicide, mental illness and mentions of rape (character history - no rape in the story). Making out is described. Will add more as I progress the story.

Notes: Uploading early bitches! <3

Feedback is welcomed and I hope you have a good time reading!

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- December 27 -

“Fuck!” I cried, shooting out of bed and groaning as I pulled my stitches rushing out of bed whilst cursing, “I slept in till three-fucking-o’clock?! Goddamn fanfiction!”

Slowing down, slightly, as to prevent a major bleed and a shameful hospital visit for something so stupid, I ran to the bathroom, snatching my medical kit as I went, and peed whilst swapping my bandages out with as much delicacy, and speed, as possible. As hygienic as that was.

From there I ran back into the room and threw on some appropriate clothing - turtleneck and some thick, winter leggings - before rushing to the kitchen. Noting a ‘two’ on my microwave as I passed it, I paused, a heavy frown evident as I looked back at the clock.

“Are you fucking serious…?” I groaned and complained before stomping to the kitchen, angrily, as I got my breakfast ready at a normal rate.

‘I forgot my fucking clock is an hour ahead…’ I anime cried as I ate my cereal, ‘Why is life so cruel… Better yet, why am I so cruel?’

Yesterday was the day I had most of my old stitches and all staples removed. They also noted my bullet wound was healing well and that I should be completely stitches free soon, so I was in good enough of a mood to try out the train today.

‘Mono did an extra shift at his work this morning and it finishes in an hour.’ I noted, ‘So! Since I need to get used to the public transport, and I am desperate for a drive, I told him I’d meet him at his work and we’d both try and get the underground back instead of the bus.’ I hummed, pausing as I washed my bowl, ‘Besides, I want to get a caramel creamy cooler from Costa as a celebratory treat~!' I practically squealed at the thought.

“I never see Costa nearby.” I pouted, before fist bumping, “So this will be good, as there’s one where he's stationed this shift!”

Humming and singing to myself, I finished drying my dishes before going and collecting my things as I noted it was getting closer and closer to three o’clock. Immediately I began putting on a thicker coat, beanie and a scarf since it was especially cold out, before searching for some gloves, adding them to my attire once they were located. As soon as I left and locked my door, I immediately put my keys away and brought out my phone and put on my headphones.

‘Fortunately, I know the route to the underground from here.’ I mused, ‘I’ve walked with Mono a few times to prepare for when today would come, so all I have to do is get my ticket and double check the platform, since Mono already told me to get the Yamanote line.’

As soon as I had arrived, I bought my ticket after showing my disabled railcard, and made my way down. However I had to pause for a moment as a huge crowd had gathered around one particular store. Frowning, I forced my way through, trying my best just to get to my line in time, only to freeze as I passed another person, my eyes wide as I saw a man had collapsed and, presumably, died as police and forensics were beginning to zip him up in a body bag and take him away.

I gulped at the sight, the horrid image of Kiichiro Osoreda being hit by a car coming back into my head.

‘I’ve seen more dead bodies in person in the last few weeks I’ve been here than in my entire life!’ I grabbed my head and shook it, forcing the memory out of my mind, ‘Maybe mama was right? This place is a death trap waiting to spring on me!’

After a few deep breaths I shook my head again and began to more roughly shove through the crowd, trying my best to get away from the corpse and towards my train, which at this point felt like a finish line towards safety and comfort. I felt a tear fall as I saw the door open and ran immediately into it and took a seat in front and adjacent to the open doors, breathing heavily.

Immediately I began to focus on my breathing as the train filled up and began to move. I sighed with relief, feeling appropriately far away and counting from the drama I was far too unprepared for today.

Gulping I immediately brought my mask up and over my face to lock in the warmth and give me comfort, taking in my mothers perfume I occasionally spray on clothing and my childhood teddy bear for that exact reason. Taking a deep breath I sighed with relief, panic beginning to slowly drain from my body, and my senses coming back to me.

It was then I gasped in realisation and immediately messaged Mono.

Me: Someone died in the underground station by our flats.

Me: They were taking him away when I got there, but I saw his face.

Me: He looked like he died in pain…

I gulped, a tear slipping out of my eye at the memory. I sniffled, wiping the tear away aggressively as the realisation that anyone around me could be a criminal dawned upon me.

‘In all of my years, this is the only time I’ve personally seen someone die.’ I bit my lip, ‘Baring that in mind, at the moment, it’s unlikely that he wasn’t killed by Kira.’

As soon as my phone buzzed, I dived on it, looking for comfort. Even if it wasn’t coming from direct touch, I was desperate for any form of human connection that this would easily suffice, especially knowing I would be seeing, and feel, him in a few hours.

Mono: Jesus Christ I’m so sorry, Ai.

Mono: Are you okay? How are you coping?

Mono: Did you go home? It’s okay if you did.

Mono: In fact I think it might be best for you to not continue and make the journey alone.

I let out a breath as I swallowed, immediately looking around before typing back.

Me: I’m on the train. Should be with you in an hour and a half ish.

Me: I’m okay. I’m coming, still. I want to. I need the break.

Me: If I went home I’d just be stewing in my own thoughts with nothing to do, anyway. Should try and continue with my life with some semblance of normalcy, right? Or else what’s happening will just eat us all up alive.

As I sent the last message I jumped in surprise as my own phone buzzed, Mono having responded clearly before reading my messages.

Mono: Sorry brb. Call.

I sighed, but nodded, even though he couldn’t see it. It was then I looked up and took in my surroundings slightly, becoming bored as nothing terribly interesting stuck out. Pouting, I looked ahead and over to my left, pausing when I saw a man on his laptop, speaking into a walkie-talkie as discreetly as possible. I immediately looked away, but kept an eye on him from the corner of my eyes, curious and bemused by his frantic writing. It was then I noted an envelope and shrugged, figuring he was doing some odd work, though I felt a weird sense of déjà vu the more I looked at him.

‘Have I seen him somewhere before-?’

Mono: Back.

Mono: How far away are you?

I smiled before letting out a puff of air. As I checked my watch I relaxed back into my seat more, crossing my legs as I did.

Me: About an hour and 20ish?

Me: Got on about 20 minutes ago.

Me: How’s work?

And the conversation continued from there for the remainder of the journey. Though I wanted to daydream and just listen to music instead, there was no chance I was getting that luxury until the way back, where I had him as a safety blanket sitting next to me.

As the doors opened, I saw the strange man ahead of me rise first, so I waited for him to finish before I, too, would get up to leave. However I paused when he put an envelope on the luggage rack and made his way out of the train.

Like the idiot I was, I was staring at the envelope with confusion, until, from the corner of my eyes, the man collapsed before me. I froze up for a split second, confused. However I quickly snapped myself out of it and immediately ran out of the train before the doors could close, shoving past some guy in a hoodie and beanie, and went to the man, who was clutching at his chest for dear life.

I quickly realised he was having a heart attack as he fell onto his stomach and began to reach towards the train, desperately. Any attempt I made to turn him over so I could try and start chest compressions, as I had been taught years ago, failed and I found myself struggling against the force generated from this man’s instincts.

As he fought against me, I felt deep concern and almost fear for this man’s life, but allowed my gaze to follow his hand. However all I saw was a blur of grey, black and orange inside the window of the grey and green train, leaving me baffled and concerned.

I shook my head roughly.

‘It doesn’t matter right now.’ I resolved, ‘I can go back over this later; this man, however, has no time for me to be thinking about it right now!’

As the man began to go limp, I sprung into action, forcibly shoving him over with as much strength as I could muster. The motion was heavy enough I felt some of my remaining stitches complain, but I ignored it. I had finally got him onto his back and I immediately began chest compressions.

“One…” I breathed, forcing my entire weight into the heels of my hands whilst also trying my best not to rip my stitches, I pushed, again and again and again.

“... seventeen…” I looked around frantically as I noted people watching and recording. But no one was calling an ambulance.

“Oi!” I snarled at one of the girls who was recording, “You! Yeah, you!” I glared, “Call a fucking ambulance you fucking moron!”

The girl immediately fumbled with her phone, shocked by my outburst, but did as requested whilst I shook my head.

‘If I didn’t specify her to do it, no one would have done it.’ my glare hardened, ‘Humans suck.’

I could vaguely make out what she was saying on the phone, and only relinquish my interest once I noted she hadn’t said anything stupid. That being said, I couldn’t pay complete attention as I was and needed to be completely focused on making sure his airways were open as I tilted his head back and lifted his chin slightly.

“... thirty!” with that I covered his nose and took a deep breath before blowing into his lungs twice, before going back to compressions.

‘It’s a heart attack!’ I noted, ‘Which suggests Kira.’

“... nine…!” I breathed heavily, my body getting weak and sore under the demand, but I kept going strong.

‘Either way - criminal or not - he’s not dying on me!’

After a few more counts my brow began to form a sweat and I, again, I gave mouth-to-mouth twice with deep breaths, before moving back to the chest compressions, pushing his blazer away further. However I found myself taking in a deep breath as his ID fell out of his pocket and opened, showing the man’s FBI ID.

‘Raye Penber…’ I frowned, though as the dots connected in my mind, my eyes snapped open, wide, my actions floundering for a split second under the shock wave that just went through my body.

‘It’s him…!’ I gulped, ‘The man from the bus! The FBI agent and the other man who stayed with me up to the ambulance!’ I shook my head, feeling a tear fall down my cheek and onto the man’s shirt, visibly staining it.

‘No… he doesn’t deserve this!’ I shook my head violently, ‘Raye! I’m not going to let you die! I will bring you back from Kira’s control!

‘Kira…’ I snarled, ‘I will find you!’

It was then that I felt hands on my shoulder. However, not caring who it was, I shook my head and shoved the hands off me roughly with my shoulder as I leaned back over Raye, not allowing my hands to leave his chest as I continued compressions.

“You can’t die on me! You need to fight against Kira!” I panted, my full attention back on the chest compressions as a new found energy spread through me, “You hear me, Raye?!” I cried, my compressions getting rougher and harder, as though that might make any difference to the situation.

I desperately pumped, tears forming and falling as I began to cry. It was then, presumably, whomever had tapped me before, came into view. I didn’t look, but could tell from the corner of my eyes that it was a police officer. I shook my head at him as he rested his hand on my shoulder as another police officer came over and took his pulse on his neck. I immediately wiped away my tears and snot before taking a deep breath and giving him mouth-to-mouth again, twice, hiccuping as I attempted to go back to chest compressions. However, the police officer took this opportunity to try and interject, putting his arm around my front, gently, as he tried to lead me away. I shook my head violently.

“No!” I begged, “Please! He can’t just die like this!” I heard a light sigh from the police officer ahead of me, who appeared to be giving me a sympathetic look, but I couldn’t tell through my tear-soaked glasses.

As I tried to go back to the compressions, the police officer’s grip tightened, attempting to, again, gently pull me back. Of course, I fought, but at this point I hardly had the energy to contend with him, as it slowly dawned on me that he had been dead since I rolled him over.

I hiccupped and sniffed as I attempted to stop the tears, feeling embarrassed, scared and out of it, especially as the paramedics came, almost immediately checking for heart activity with presumably some form of cardiac monitor. As they began to remove their device, that’s when I gave in, because I knew that meant he was completely gone.

I couldn’t help the new wave of tears and unregulated sniffles and cries that came from me when I noted that they were pronouncing his time of death. However, I allowed the policeman to pull me away from the body, crawling back alongside him as he did, before slumping, all energy having left me as I attempted to take deep breaths, mentally and physically exhausted.

The policeman stayed crouched by me, though he moved ahead of me as he attempted to hide the body with his own, apologising as he did. I couldn’t really make out his words, but after a few minutes I concluded that he was beginning to try and get a response from me.

As the police officer was called to the side by the second police officer from earlier, I lost control.

“Sorry…” I noted that the police heard me and turned to look at me, “I need to get out of here.” Shaking my head, I rose up and ran as fast as I could towards the exit, shoving through the crowd roughly and unapologetically, as I made my way towards the closest thing I had to home at that moment: Mono, who was at his work. The police officers were startled by this and called after me, however I was certain they didn’t follow.

‘After all, they themselves were sure it was a Kira incident, so what’s the point in stopping the only person who tried to save him?’ I shook my head, ‘It isn’t Kira. It can’t be. I must just be seeing things! Like that time in the London underground! When I saw all those people who kept trying to smother me!’ I nodded, tears making it hard to see, though my pace never slowed.

I don’t know how long it took me to get to Mono and I don’t remember the journey well, if at all. However, I do vaguely remember falling into the station and collapsing as Mono was coming back from presumably another call. I remember him sliding to my side and helping me up as he pulled me into the back and began to comfort me, rocking me in a cuddle whilst saying things I couldn’t hear over my own breathing and heartbeat.

At some point we left and got the bus instead of the train, making our two hour journey back to our flats. I know I put music on, but anything I recall feels like light and airy, silent stills that had been put together so poorly that the images jerk, some missing altogether and others lingering for longer.

‘Delayed and stuttering meets frozen and stuck.’

I don’t remember much else. Apparently Mono learnt what happened partially by call from the other PCs as well as some from me whilst we were on the bus and after we arrived home, though this is completely blank for me. He stated I had regressed into my child-like state and once he told me to go to bed, I did.

Right now, I’ve just woken up from my ‘nap’ and am staring at the ceiling in a slight daze. My head felt completely void of thoughts, though I tried so desperately to think; my head rarely ever this empty and when it is, it’s hardly a good sign.

It was dark outside by the time I was able to move at all. From there it took somewhere between a few minutes to a few hours for me to actively sit up in my bed. As I did, I noted that my backpack was right next to me, on the right.

Without thought, I immediately opened it and brought out the white book full of ideas. And I began to read.

Or space out. Depends on your definition.

A lot of the words felt alien, some making my head hurt from thinking too hard as I attempted to remember it. Of course, I recognised all of them, though they felt as common as my communication with my distant cousins - that is to say, not.

Despite not quite feeling right, I had a deep urge to write down what happened today. Everything I could remember. Everything I thought leading up till right now.

So I did. I wrote and wrote till I felt satisfied. Now I wasn’t just empty, but also complete.

It was then I felt grateful that the complete feeling overtook the empty, and I was able to rest peacefully for the remainder of the night.

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