#i've never done this before and its been ages since i've actually drawn anything

[pkmnmaster99]

Personal Inktober Masterlist (AKA - picking and choosing prompts because I'm indecisive)

Pumpkin Lollipop: Lantern Light (21), Doppelganger (27), Sweet Treat (28), Glow in the Dark (29)

KHtober: New Outfit (5), Mystery (6), Friendship (8), Heartless (11), Unlikely Duo (12), Keykid (17)

Witchytober: Crystal (1), Cat (6), Cosmic (10), Lunar (14), Solar (15), Doll (17), Library (20)

OC-tober: Oldest (2), Game You Love (12), Species Swap (16), New Outfit (17), AU (18)

Cringetober: Self Insert (2), Creepypasta (13), Song Lyrics (15), Gijinka (25), Video Game (30)

Multifantober: Nature (2), Portal (9), Villain (25), Vampire (26)

RedVioletPanda: Magic (7), Lucky Charm (12), The Mechanic (16), The Trainer & Their Beast (27), Mask (29)

[thewertsearch]

Asks Compilation 23/10

Done and done. I'm surprised I didn't already have a tag for them, to be honest!

Oh, fun! I always wonder if people are reading for the first time along with me. I'm sure you've overtaken me already by now!

I don't think I'd have as much fun with the blog if it was less blind. Even the knowledge that the trolls existed was enough to heavily influence my theories.

Aren't they thirteen?

Granted, we don't know if trolls mature at the same rate as humans, but they certainly seem to be in that age range to me.

Nepeta, resident matchmaker, seems unsure about the current status of the Sollux/Aradia relationship, but she'd definitely drawn a heart there before. Plus, Aradia immediately identified the '8oyfriend' as Sollux, so there is something going on with them.

If it does, and he did, then that's pretty clever - but unfortunately for him, it's probably futile. There are surely a million other ways she could manipulate his desires.

I know Homestuck is controversial, but I always had the vague idea that, like Undertale, its reputation had a lot more to do with the fandom than the property itself.

I'm surprised there's that many people who say the comic is bad. The comic is great. Even if, worst-case-scenario, it jumps the shark on the very next page, there's still so much to love.

I guess this is a good explanation for why his name is so close to Lord British - thus, their similar invincibility schticks really are coincidental.

The former works well - although, I've just noticed on reread that he hasn't actually referred to himself as a doctor. He's just 'Doc'.

That said, I have reason to believe that he is, in fact, a real doctor.

Maybe he really is a gambling man.

Well, Terezi is referencing his comic before Earth even exists...

So it's like the SBaHJifier gag, but for the whole comic?

That sounds ambitious, but interesting, especially if it's doing everything you say it is. Any fanwork that people think was written by Hussie must be something special.

It's fun, getting both of these messages in the same week. Glad you're enjoying it!

Yeah, I didn't consider Equius as an option, back when Aradia was talking about this. I don't think I'd have picked him at the time, though.

Both Equius and Vriska convinced themselves that they had an arrangement with Aradia.

In retrospect, her own statement - which came after the two above - was, indeed, deliberately vague. It's supposed to make you wonder which of the two options she was talking about. As far as I can tell, there was no reason to assume it couldn't be Vriska - she'd even told Karkat that she was going to be the 'real leader', so we knew she was planning a power grab.

Anyway, I defaulted to her, since she'd talked about her co-leader arrangement only a couple of pages beforehand. I don't think I even remembered Equius was an option until he spoke to her later. Can't catch 'em all!

Pop! Team! Nepic!

Thank you! Yeah, Vriska's attitude is completely understandable at this point. Would she really have survived if she wasn't cruel?

I was skeptical about that line initially - but Vriska honestly doesn't seem to be much of a liar, so I think part of her really did see Aradia as a friend.

I personally doubt Aradia ever felt anything positive towards Vriska - she's a blue-blood, after all, a hateful sn0b - but that doesn't stop them being friends. After all, the same could be said about Karkat, towards Gamzee. Trolls just seem to see friendships differently.

I try to avoid queueing stuff - gotta put the live in 'liveblog', after all!

There are occasional exceptions, though. For example, if I answer a lot of (non-compiled) asks at once, and don't want to fill up people's dashboards, I might queue them to space them out a little - but never more than an hour or so in advance.

Really, the answer to your question is 'neither', since I don't have a schedule. Lately, I've been posting about four days a week, and each liveblog session will last for two to four posts - but that's all subject to change, depending on my mood, my energy levels, random life stuff and, frankly, the phase of the moon. Properly scheduling this blog has proved impossible, so I'm just embracing it at this point.

If there's one thing that Aradia and Vriska can agree on, it's that an Equius-made arm is good for only one thing - rippin' out hearts!

Sorry - no breaks longer than a week? Since Act 1?

I suppose if your website pays your rent, you don't really need a day job - but still, I'm surprised that no life stuff got in the way in all that time. Hell, it's already happened to me - and this comic is surely way easier to analyze than it is to write!

Well, I'm only on 2300 now, so I haven't seen much!

I'm just curious as to why he's seeking out Karkat, specifically. Jack seems to work independently, not taking orders from his Queen - so what's motivating him, this early in the game?

No reason it can't be both, right? This is probably one of the most emotionally intense things to happen to her since her death, and it just so happens to coincide with her 'resurrection'. Frankly, I'd have been more surprised if she didn't lose her shit.

Also - damn, I didn't notice he was mirroring her '0k' catchphrase. No, Equius. No one was 0k with that.

Welcome! You can thank a few of my readers for helping me optimize my tagging system, too. I think it was @krixwell who first suggested I add a tag which included asks!

[musiconanironingboard]

4 February 2024: Lassie Eats Chickens, Classic Ruins. (Throbbing Lobster, 1986)

Here's a blast from my past. This is an album my brother acquired when it came out, then a year later, perhaps remembering the label from his copy, I bought a sampler album on the Throbbing Lobster label while on vacation with my parents in Massachusetts where the label was located. For a 14-year-old, that compilation was a little bit of exotica as it wasn't something you'd be likely to find in my Illinois hometown. I'm sure my brother had to go to a nearby college town to find his copy of Lassie Eats Chickens. One of the tracks from the Classic Ruins LP appeared on my sampler, so while I've never heard this full-length (unless I borrowed it from him 35 years ago and don't remember it), I definitely have heard "Geraldine I Need Money (More Than I Need You)."

I picked up this copy by happenstance while shopping at Dusty Groove, generally a somewhat uptight jazz-centric store in Chicago that has increasingly grown a rock section. It was $1.99, so I couldn't resist it, and it's a very rare bird: an album cover that's been scribbled and drawn on yet I didn't mind buying. If there is so much as a discreetly inked pair of initials in the corner of an album cover I generally refuse it, but in the case of this Classic Ruins album I actually felt the scribbles enhanced things.

Above is the front cover and then the scribbled back, which I'll give some close-ups of.

This copy was autographed for a guy named Ned, and I imagine it taking place in a small club or bar somewhere in New England.

"Congratulations! You're the very first person actually named 'NED' that I've ever met. Here's the world's largest beer! You may have it"

I love that frontman Frank Lowe here has drawn himself a whole cartoon body coming out of the photograph, and I love the "WORLD'S LARGEST BEER" that he's holding. What I didn't capture closely is the notation at his feet reading "ANGIE'S NEW SHOES," undoubtedly an in-joke lost to the sands of time.

The other members weren't as ornate with their scribblings, but the pennant reading "NED RULES" is a nice touch.

The album includes a Throbbing Lobster catalog insert; here are both sides. At the top of the second side is Claws!, my beloved sampler album bought at Musicsmith in Cape Hatteras the summer before I turned 15. I also bought Rum Sodomy & the Lash by The Pogues there. I wanted to also buy a sealed copy of Wow/Grape Jam by Moby Grape, but it was $25, and my parents had to discuss whether they would permit that and it turned out I didn't get it. I was terrified that they'd see the graphic details of the Pogues album cover so I concealed that all the way back to Illinois. I don't think they knew I bought anything other than the Throbbing Lobster compilation.

Here are both sides of the label. I've always liked how on Throbbing Lobster's first side there is one lobster, and two lobsters on side two.

Since we're here, let me show you my copy of Claws! This is the third volume of Throbbing Lobster samplers. I've dallied over the years with finding the first two, but there's something that I like about just having this third one, having bought it in its home territory when it was new. That cover hasn't aged well; there is excessive foxing all over the sleeve, and I've kept it immaculate and in a plastic sleeve for almost 40 years.

I used to pore over that back cover, reading all the little notes about the bands on the sampler. And I wrote to Throbbing Lobster for a catalog and got paper copies mailed to me for the next several years. They were like a zine and done on a typewriter. They sold used records and the catalog would be pages and pages long, all single-spaced. At one point they allegedly acquired part (all?) of deceased record critic Lester Bangs's record collection and were selling it. I remember asking my brother, "Should I buy a record that belonged to Lester Bangs??" He replied "No, they probably have beer spilled all over them." That made sense so I didn't.

[trickster-whim]

When I enter a Goodwill I become possessed by the spirit of someone with a much fatter wallet than I have (⁠ﾉﾟ⁠0ﾟ⁠)⁠ﾉ⁠~

Like usual, under a cut just for length. I talk too much lmao.

The first thing I found was the American Girl Ultimate Visual Guide, published by DK in 2016. Actually, a lot of the stuff I found at the store was from 2016. Kinda weird.

The book is obviously a little dated by now, but I just love guides and collections! I haven't done more than flip through it, but it's adorable. (Marisol ftw)

This book was juuust heavy enough to be an absolute pain as I walked around the rest of the store with it (especially because my arm still hurt from my vaccine).

Anyway, out of order I also found a little Wacom Bamboo Pen(?) that cost $6.50. A bit pricey for thrift store, but if it works okay, I'll be happy. My old Wacom (I don't know the models sry) met its unfortunate end in a "Wait, is this water bottle not waterproof?!" incident, and I've been using a pretty-okay-but-could-be-better Huion since. Wacom just feels nice to draw on ✨

I also found a little zip pouch that looks like a comp book, because I see comp books and purchase immediately, and a copy of Bruce Coville's Odder Than Ever.

Bruce Coville is definitely up there in my favorite short story writers of all time, and I love the Odd series, but this one's been vandalised :/ If you're familiar with Coville, he has a short story called "Am I Blue?" which is a slightly-outdated-by-now story about a kid being bullied for being gay, and the whole thing is crossed out and has six-pointed stars drawn over parts. Can't imagine why (⁠눈⁠‸⁠눈⁠) And again, I'm not sure the story holds up terribly well nowadays, but as a queer kid growing up in the 90s/2000s, I appreciated it when I first read it (in an anthology of the same name, actually). I might see if I can erase the pencil at all, since it's mine now, but still. The book looks great otherwise. Just the gay-positive story. Hm.

Moving on!!

Posters! There were a bunch of posters, mostly superheroes, which doesn't interest me, but I thought this Pokémon 20th anniversary one was pretty dang cute. There was an Avatar poster in the same sleeve, so 2 for $1.50? Sure! I'll probably give that one to my sister, though, since I *cough* only watched a few episodes *cough*

Now onto the bags! One bag was mostly doll clothes, in a mix of sizes. Almost none of them had tags, but there was a mix of Our Generation/AG-sized clothes (including a fabulous Battat jacket), a few Barbie-sized dresses and bottoms (including bell-bottoms that say "Peace and Love" lmao), and one Madame Alexander dress (the only one with a tag).

In that bag was also a mini beanie baby platypus (I have a few, but it's so cute, I can take another) and a Poopsie Surprise... shark... thing? I think it's name is Hammer, judging by ebay searches, but I've never had one before. Its head is green, and its bottom is blue, and I don't know why the color is so different. Worse than that, though, is that it is a spitter toy filled with thick red slime, which as someone with emetophobia was... challenging. Especially because the red slime looked like [redacted because TMI lmfao]. It's moderately cute, so it'll sit on my shelf probably, but also ew.

Next up, Frights Camera Action Clawdeen! She came with almost everything (and her hands switched, which seems to be pretty common with secondhand Monster High), and is in pretty good condition. It's been a while since I found a Monster High doll in the wild, so hell yeah.

I also got two pairs of shoes and two unpaired shoes, as well as some random stuff and also jacks.

This weekend, mom wants to check some Goodwills for a trench coat (they're dressing up as their favorite book characters where she works and she wants to be Dresden), so we'll see if we find anything else fun or cool. It's been so hit-or-miss lately, literally who knows??

[novamirmirsblog]

Casual dating

Pairing: Natasha x reader

Word count: 2795

Genre: fluff/a lillllll bit of angst

Request: yes

Warnings: slight mention of eating disorder + over exercising

A/n: I HAVE RETURNED. Just when you thought you had gotten rid of me I jump right back like a boomarang. Fun fact, we had a boomarang and I wasn't allowed to throw it because it was 'decorative' or something so I pushed a chair over to where it was hung on the wall, smuggled it out to my garden and threw it. It didn't come back to me but its probably because my technique was off right? It also has a tiny dent in the back where I threw it too hard and it bounced on the apple tree.

You and Natasha were casually dating. It's what you had both agreed because why put a label on something when it might not even last due to busy schedules? It was a mutually shared idea that had popped up on the second date.

The two of you were sitting, eating candy floss with a large stuffed bear sitting between the two of you.

"Nata-"

"So I've bee-" You both started to speak at the same time, laughing gently when you realised what you had done.

"You go." You said.

"No it's okay. You go first."

"Okay... How do you feel about all this?" You waved your hand between the two of you, accidentally hitting the bear over the head.

"It's nice. It's good." Natasha said. "I don't think I want to..." She trailed off, biting the inside of her lip as her eyes darted about slightly. She was nervous.

"Label it?"

Natasha's eyes were drawn back to you, her head hung a little in shame as she slowly nodded.

"Thank god." You breathed out, tension releasing from your shoulders. "Me neither. I'm happy with just casual dating."

"Exactly!" Natasha was a lot more animated once she realised her views were shared. "Besides, I'm an avenger and you're an agent, it's easier if we keep it casual so we don't feel pressure to constantly be with each other."

"I'm so glad you said that! I've been stressed about this since you first asked me out on the first date." You smiled easily, the both of you content to not force yourselves into a relationship.

~~~~~

That was 3 months ago and in that time you had been on one other date. Sometimes you wondered if the reason you were both so happy to not get into a serious relationship all those nights ago was because neither of you had anything to base a stable relationship off of. Your parents were emotionally distant and so you became hyper independent from a young age. Of course it was nothing compared to Natasha's experiences in the Red room but it certainly wasn't a walk in the park. In fact, if you really thought hard, you couldn't think of one real relationship you had been in. Sure you dated, had sex, and led people on for a mission but you had never had someone to call your own, never had a significant other. Hell, you didn't even really know what your sexuality was because of the lack of real relationships you had. While you had only had one other date with Natasha, it didn't stop you from being tangled in each other's limbs at least twice a week. You had a free day and you were sure Natasha did too so you sent her a quick text asking if she wanted to go out that evening, or even afternoon, before getting back to training.

You had finished your training session 3 and half hours later and still had no answer. You figured you must have read her schedule wrong which was entirely possible considering you literally just glanced at it. You chugged some water as you made your way to the showers. It was there that you saw a flash of red hair and you followed it.

"Hey Nat."

"Y/n"

"Did you get the text? I was wondering if you wanted to go out on another date tonight."

Natasha let out the tiniest sigh and you watched her tense up. You thought that she probably didn't want you to notice but you did. You bit the inside of your cheek, maybe you were being too needy. Yes. Definitely too needy.

"Actually never mind! Enjoy your shower." You spun on your heel and got into a shower.

~~~~~

You thought about the interaction the whole way home, hearing your phone buzz multiple times but ignoring it because you were a nice, safe, driver. Well that and because SHIELD had fitted a black box into your car after you got one too many speeding tickets. Those totally weren't your fault though, you had to save the cat. The fines for knocking off the occasional cyclist might have been a little more your fault. You grabbed your phone as soon as you were parked and saw that the messages were from Natasha and they weren't all that nice.

The other spider: we literally just went on a date a few weeks ago

The other spider: I thought this was supposed to be casual dating

The other spider: cause this doesn't seem very casual to me.

You felt your chest tighten unexpectedly as your eyes began to burn the tiniest bit. You clenched your jaw. You survived two parents who didn't want a child and multiple near fatal injuries.

Y/n: You're right. I'll see you Monday.

There was no way you were spending your Friday night in.

~~~~~

One of the benefits of being a super secret agent, was the lean body you were forced to have. Now, don't misunderstand, you hated working out with a passion. It often reminded you of a dark time in your past where you would over-exercise and under eat because all you could see in the mirror was someone that wasn't really there. It wasn't even that you thought you were overweight, you just wanted to see how slim and muscular you could go.

Still, when your physique meant you could get a date in less than 12 hours, you were inclined to be a little kinder to yourself. His name was Dave? Darron? Derrick? It didn't matter. He was hot and you were bored. You had arranged to meet at a small diner you had never been to before. Yes, you knew it was a little more dangerous but you had most likely killed men bigger than him with little more than a lanyard so you figured you were pretty safe. The date itself was rather boring but it did the job and got you out the house. The was nothing particularly wrong with the man, if anything he was rather sweet. He didn't seem to realise his good looks and you wondered if he had only recently grown into them. He was the perfect gentleman and in a different life, you could see him making you happy. Seeing Peter and MJ was rather cute too. Peter blushed profusely when he saw you there too but you just laughed, patting him gently on his back when he made you promise not to tell Mr Stark.

You left the diner with no intention to go on a second date.

~~~~~

It was Saturday evening, two weeks after the date with Darren? and you were bored again. Natasha had been on a mission all week and so you sent her a text, asking if she wanted to have a chill drive-in date. You added on the end that there was no pressure if she was too tired.

You were left on seen.

You weren't too sure why you kept trying with Natasha. If it had been anyone else, you would have gotten the message and fucked off. Maybe it was because Natasha was a woman? Maybe you were only attracted to women. With this newfound need to test out your hypothesis, you got back on your phone.

This time, it took you 5 hours to find someone to go on a date with. The sayings weren't wrong, lesbians really do move fast. You were dressed up and ready to go, having both decided to meet at a local coffee shop only a few blocks away from the SHIELD agency. This was done strategically as you were technically supposed to be working but it was your lunch break so fuck 'em. Sophie? Sandra? Sapphire? was nice. She laughed at your jokes and told jokes that made you laugh too, she insisted to pay and pouted when you snuck your card over the card reader. You were having a fun time and didn't notice a pair of green eyes burn into you. You cut the date shorter than your counterpart would have liked but you were already running late for work.

Perhaps it wasn't the gender, perhaps it was the fact none of them were ex-assassins with fiery red hair and a personality to match. Perhaps you couldn't remember any of their names because they weren't called Natasha.

Once again, you had no intention of going on a second date.

~~~~~

The change in Natasha was noticeable. Perhaps only noticeable to Clint and possibly Tony, but it was noticeable. She was quieter but not in her normal brooding spy way. She was a loud sort of quiet. The kind of quiet you are when you have millions of thoughts buzzing about your head. Natasha had many more than millions of thoughts and none of them were nice. She knew what casual dating entailed and she knew you were more than within your right to date someone else, as was she, but the burn when she saw you with Sophia made her feel sick. Natasha didn't like people eating her cereal, she didn't like people stealing her weapons and she most certainly didn't like people having you. As a person who grew up with barely any possessions, it had made Natasha jealous and possessive. Normally she could hide it. Normally it was over normal things, like socks. But normally, it didn't involve people. She was confused. She was overjoyed when you felt the same way about casual dating but seeing you with someone else made her feel a possessiveness that she hadn't felt since Stark had tried to take the last serving of golden boulders. She knew you weren't a cereal, that you were a person but when she saw you with someone else, all she could think was how much you were hers.

~~~~~

You were invited to a Stark party by an anonymous source. You had little to no idea who it could be. If it was Natasha, she would have just texted you and you weren't very close to any of the other Avengers. You didn't really care though, just happy to let loose as everyone knew that Stark's parties were infamous for their freeing atmosphere.

Turns out, the anonymous source failed to mention it was a rather intimate party with only the core Avengers, Maria, and Carol. You wondered, as you scanned the room quickly, whether or not it was too late for you to sneak back out. Unfortunately it was as Peter spotted you and enthusiastically waved you over to the group.

"Y/n! You made it!" Peter's exclamation made Natasha's head snap around.

"Shouldn't you be studying for a test?"

"Shouldn't you be going to less shady places for dates?"

You raised an eyebrow. Oh. So spidey boy wanted to play did he? You gave him a smug smirk and watched as he realised what he had just said "And how do you know about the shady places I go on dates young Peterson?"

"I- um- well-"

"How many other 'dates' have you been on?" Perhaps if Natasha was in a better state of mind, she would have asked it with a faux nonchalance but she was far too hurt for that.

"What's with the inverted commas? They were dates." You were a little upset that Natasha didn't think you were going on real dates.

"Sure."

"What, don't believe me?"

Natasha let out a short breath of air "No."

Your jaw clenched in a way that Natasha found delicious and she found herself momentarily forgetting why you were arguing until she then remembered that others may have seen your clenched jaw and thought the exact same thing she just thought. It made her blood boil ten times hotter than it already was.

"I thought you guys were dating?" Steve said, confusion written all over his face.

"Casually. Although right now, it doesn't seem very casual to me." You threw back the words that Natasha had texted you all those weeks ago, putting a little bite into them.

Natasha visibly tensed up as she realised just how neglectful she had been. She thought back to all the times you had asked her out and it made her feel sick. Her face slid from shock, to realisation, to guilt, to sadness all within a matter of milliseconds before finally resting on careful neutrality. "Well maybe we shouldn't casually date anymore."

"Just what I was thinking." You were not, however, thinking the same thing. Natasha meant it as 'we should stop casually dating so you can be my girlfriend and I can leave my mark all over you so no one ever even thinks of you without realising you're not single again' and you meant it as 'we should stop casually dating because you're slowly ripping out my heart and it's scaring me because you don't feel the same way I do.'

Normally, Wanda kept others thoughts from wandering into her head but she was a little more than slightly tipsy and both your thoughts were very loud.

"Wait nooo." Wanda's words slurred together as she grabbed your wrist, stopping you from getting up. She tugged you, trying to get you to lean closer but underestimated her strength, causing you to fall into her.

Natasha let out the most animalistic sound you had ever heard from a human. You had never heard anyone growl before and Natasha had never done it before but she was too mad to even realise what she had just done.

"Relaxxxx. I'm fixing it." Wanda waved Natasha off "Who do you think invited them anyway?"

You looked at Wanda in confusion. "But we don't even know each other."

"No." Wanda giggled. "But Peter and Clint were worried and Tony was sick of walking on eggshells around Natasha and Steve was tired of not knowing what was going on and-"

"Okay" You laughed, cutting her off. "What's your point sweetheart?"

"Natasha lovessss youuuu" Wanda giggled, her head rolling back as she looked up at the ceiling. "Come on guyssss its time for the birdies to sort themselves out."

"Birdies?" Thor looked over at her in confusion. "There are no birds here."

"She means lovebirds Thor." Carol laughed.

"How does a woman who's spent less time here than you know more?" Maria laughed as she ushered the others out, grabbing Carol's hand.

You looked over at Natasha once they had all left. "...What?"

"I thought we were saying we shouldn't casual date anymore?"

"Well me too."

"So why were you all over Wanda like a rash?"

"...I'm sorry, what? When you said 'no more casual dating', what did you mean?"

"Well I was asking you to date me properly, so I could be your girlfriend... What did you think I meant?"

"I thought you meant we had to stop doing this."

"Oh."

You both sat there in silence until you realised that your silence could be interpreted as not wanting to have her as your girlfriend.

"That's much better than what I was thinking."

Natasha gave you a light smile, her eyes searching yours for any signs that you might be lying.

You knew that she might need some encouragement to show her that you were telling the truth so you continued. "I want to see you most days. I want to label this."

"I want to see you every day Y/n. I want to wake up next to you and fall asleep next to you. When I saw you with Sophia..."

"Who?"

Natasha looked at you blankly. "What do you mean 'who'? The woman you were out with at the coffee place."

"So that was her name..."

"I seriously cant believe you... I literally stalked that woman and her family and you didn't even remember her name!" Natasha looked exasperated.

"...Well she wasn't you..."

Natasha closed the space between you until you were both inches away from each other. "Can I kiss you?" You nodded as she surged forwards and captured your lips with hers.

It was vaguely strange that she asked for permission this time when you had kissed each other so many times before. You only realised why, when you noticed that the pace of this kiss was different. It was slower, like she was taking her time memorising every little line on your lips and every tiny ridge in your mouth. Natasha asked permission because it was her strange, completely Natasha way of asking if you were okay with her. With being in a relationship. You melted instantly and your heart swelled. It was then that you realised that no matter how badly your parents had fucked you up, how badly the Red room had fucked up Natasha, that the two of you had found each other and were prepared to heal together.

[shinahbee]

November Favorites 2020!

 Hello!

So as you may have seen I have been uploading a bunch of art all of November, not every week because of my crippling job at the moment taking away my sanity.lol. But i did try my best to update whenever I can. I do have so much more to complete so please look out this December for more digital art being pumped out

How are you all doing?  I'm holding up decently, I'm trying to avoid talking about covid since that's all i've been hearing from work and home and it's really making me anxious since i'm not able to work from home due to the nature of my job. I hope you all are holding up hope and taking care of your selves, let's all remember that there is a time after this and we will get through this.

with that being said I will have a lot more time to spend on my art after January since my work term is going to end and I don't plan to stay for an extension, so maybe then I'll catch up on all of my previous art that I was supposed to upload, a.k.a my hero academia ones.lol

also I'm still chugging along reading more manhwa (web toons ) from korean and chinese artists, i'm so disappointed in myself for not discovering these sooner, these stories are really good and so much effort was put into the art panels, as I have said all I've read was manga so i'm used to just seeing black and white panels, so i never really dove into web toons though I have appreciated the work put into it, now that I'm down the rabbit hole I am discovering really good story lines that are different from the manga I've read thus far and I'm really enjoying it!

so i'm excited to share my thoughts on everything I've been liking

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                           Manhwa/Manga/Webtoon

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so previously in last months recommendations I have talked about a few of the manhwa I've been reading so I'll briefly list those below since they are all still ongoing

1) who's baby is it

2) to be or no to be

3) social temperature

4) salad days

all of them are still ongoing and i'm still in the process of reading them so I can't give a full review till it's completed but so far I am still enjoying them, that's definitely a good sign since i tend to just drop something after I don''t find it interesting anymore at some point in the story. If you have not read my October favorites journal please do so for my initial thoughts on these manhwas. Now i'm actually going to talk about some of the ones that are completed   , so you can definitely read all of them without waiting for the an update from translators, lol

this is in no particular order, just fyi

1) Path to you

"When almost college dropout Jensen attempts to drink away his problems, unemployed Nathaniel( Neil ) suddenly pukes on him and ruins his night. As an apology, Nathaniel offers to help Jensen with his studies. Despite Jensen's difficulties in getting along with people, the two become friends and something deeper begins to grow between them...”

this is the summary from one of the manga websites I was able to find, it does not even describes the emotional plot line that goes along with this later, this is ones of my absolute favorites! I love this manhwa so much, its a great depiction of a coming of age story for collage students going through their life journey and slowly getting though life's difficulties  and challenges, one character is going though emotional trauma and trying to over come it for years and another character is going through anti social disorder and discovering his sexuality, it's a plot line that portrayed human aspects in life quite well. I love the relationship between the two main character and how their relationship developed over time from being friends to being a couple. there is a lot of relationship building and minimal drama, which is really refreshing from mangas that I've read, so if you are just starting to delve into BL webtoons, please read this first! you will not be disappointed

with that being said, I love Neil, so much.... you don't even know. lol. He's so precious, literally like an actual cinnamon roll. LOL. i'm exposing myself ...so i'll leave it at that, i’m also wondering why his name is neil instead of nathan or nate...? lol.

2) Here U Are

"Orientation of  the newcomers is a task for YuYang, and he ends up helping the unsociable and towering LiHuan, the kind of person that does everything to be disliked. But after better knowing each other, he discovers that the giant isn’t that bad of a person at all...”

I really wish I could find better summaries, lol. but it's to the point without giving away too much so i'll take it. This is one of the most popular series and I can totally see why after reading it, this story has every possible human aspect and relationship building  between the two main leads, I actually teared in some parts of this manhwa and I've never done that before! such a good story and plot line, if I were to pick any series in a web toon to be animated then I would choose this series hands down. There's also sub plots between different characters as well and how they deal with their interpersonal relationships and relationships between the two main leads, I love it! This is everything I want in a story, so please check this one out

also yuyang looks a lot like miyuki Kazuya from Daiya no ace and that just made me drawn to him.I really liked his personality and in the manhwa he has girls and guys in love with him and dude...I get it.

3) BJ Alex

"Every night at 10, Dong-gyun locks himself up in his room, grabs a box of tissues, and watches a live cam boy show hosted by Alex, a BJ (broadcast jockey). Timid Dong-gyun admires not only Alex’s ripped body, but his candor in sharing his sexual experiences with viewers. One night, Dong-gyun downs too many drinks at a school networking event and passes out. When he wakes up, he’s in bed staring up at a shirtless hunk. A hunk who looks an awful lot like...Alex.”

so um...this is more yaoi than shounen ai cause of all the graphic scenes in the manhwa, if you are veteran you may have already read this one cause its really popular. It also has a lot of comedic elements to it too so it's not too serious, but the relationship developed between the two characters later on is really sweet despite the infinite amount of sex scenes. Not much else to say about this story, it's easy to follow and the only abuse in here is the emotional kind

I'm not really entirely sure how i felt about it in the beginning but the end is really good

4) No way, vampires don't exist

"Four college housemates — Juwon, Eunho, Seongjae, and Gyumin — are in desperate need of a fifth person to fill a vacant room in their place. But their main concern isn’t about paying rent: they’re ravenous vampires, dying to sink their teeth into a fresh, live human! So they can’t believe their luck when Dongha, who grew up isolated from society, eagerly moves in with no idea of what awaits him. To the vampires’ dismay, however, Dongha doesn’t weigh enough for them to suck his blood! As they shower their unsuspecting new housemate with food and attention to fatten him up, have they gotten too attached to their would-be prey? And is there more to sweet, naive Dongha than meets the hungry vampires’ eyes?”

I have to preface by saying that ever since my twilight phase, I didn't consume anything that had to do with vampires for a very long time, for obvious reasons, but this one I just came across after reading path to you and thought I would at least check it out. It started off really comedic and I was like...what am i reading?  but it gets really light hearted and wholesome later on in the story. What I like about this is the character juwon, If you look at him he's that type of character that would look like the stoic a-hole of the story and those characters never appeal to me. But turns out he's the sweetest person most decent person of this story, it makes you want to route for him  and another thing I like about this story is that it looks like a harem but you can tell that there’s only one person the main character doungha treats differently from the rest and how the two are compatible with one another.  in these kind of stories, it’s always treated as every character is a possible route that leads to their own story but in here....there's only one...let's be real. This is one that is an odd ball cause it's technically completed but the translations are not...so i had to read the rest in korean, which makes it a good practice for me since i'm learning korean at the moment, it’s a good exercise...lol

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                             Anime/ Drama

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Not going to lie this department is lacking...lol. I have only been watching Heavens official blessing as mentioned in the last journal

but I have just found out that there is a remake of Shaman king in the making....and my little girl heart is screaming cause I loved shaman king when i was younger...so I can't wait for that

as for dramas, I've tried watching Start Up but I didn't like it so I dropped it, I might try watching crash landing on you since my best friend was obsessed with it, I watched a little of it but I left it since I was busy so i may get back to watching it from the beginning

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                             Music

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i'll put together a play list for you when you read these manga/manhwa...lol. cause that's what i've been doing

Playlist

Crush- No words

Sam kim - Breathe

Crush - let us go

Kim feel - falling

Paul kim - Dream

Kim feel - Hallelujah

Davichi - please don't cry

Yoo mirae - say

taeyeon - a poem called you

baek yerin- Here I am again

I wish tumblr has a way to play music on your page, without copy right..lol. I would share all of these songs cause they are so good

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so that's it for the month of November, lets' see what i get up to for December, I will be updating as frequently as possible so please look out for more art from me and follow me on my social media , I will see you all next time

bye!

Sheena

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     Social media      

Devianatart: she-be.deviantart.com

Instagram: shinb_art

Tumblr: shinahbee

[bcdrawsandwrites]

FFN Link AO3 Link dA Link

Fandom: Coco

Rating: K

Genre: Angst, friendship, hurt/comfort

Characters: Héctor, Chicharrón

Warnings: Broken bones

Description: They knew Héctor would hit a low eventually, but they didn’t realize he’d come crashing down as hard as he did. Chicharrón decided he might as well be the one to pick up the pieces, since no one else was going to.

Notes: these two are such weird friends and I had to write something about their friendship okay

When he didn't come out of his shack for a day, no one could blame him.

When it had been a week since he'd stepped foot outside, even then, they could understand.

One week turned into two, and they wondered if he was even still there.

Three weeks rolled by with no sign of him, and while they worried, they would give him space. They knew he needed time to grieve.

But by the time a month had gone by, Chicharrón had decided he'd had enough.

People saw the old skeleton stomping a warpath around the rotten boardwalk, and there was no question as to where he was going.

"Chicharrón…" Prima Chelo stepped toward him, hands outstretched. "Leave him be. He's still—"

Chicharrón struck his cane against the board he stood on, knocking a chunk of the wood into the water below. "Grieving? A month later?"

"But his wife—"

"His wife, your husband, my sister—we've all been through the same thing," he growled, glaring at the old lady.

"You know what he's going through, then! We all do!" Her yellowed hands curled into fists at her sides.

"Exactly." And Chicharrón kept moving, his cane keeping a steady rhythm against the boardwalk.

"Don't do this to him, Cheech! It won't help him!"

He swung himself around, stomping his cane and splintering the wood beneath him. "And letting him sit and rot will?"

Chelo met his hardened gaze for a moment before hers finally softened. Her arms drooped down at her sides and she hung her head, ashamed.

After regarding her for a moment, he heaved a sigh, resuming his mission.

"Good luck, primo," Chelo called after him. He ignored her.

Finally he turned at a fork that led him to his destination. The shack looked as dilapidated as any of the others, but Chicharrón clicked his non-existent tongue when he noticed the water levels. Shantytown had flooded recently, and while everyone else had fixed up their own homes as much as they could, he couldn't imagine the resident of this one had done anything about it.

Someone could have at least stepped in to help him. Cowards.

He didn't stop to consider that he was one of the ones who had been neglecting his primo.

Stepping up to the doorframe (which had only a tattered cloth covering it), he decided he'd be polite.

For a moment.

Raising his cane, he struck it against the doorframe twice.

No response.

Striking the doorframe again, he lifted his head and raised his voice. "Héctor?"

No response.

Well, that was enough politeness for one day.

Grasping the curtain with his free hand, he yanked it aside, a few of the rings holding it in place popping loose. He stepped into the house, and immediately recoiled as his bare feet sank into two inches of water. The scent of mildew, not uncommon in any given place in Shantytown, was even more pronounced in here, the drawn curtains keeping the stench trapped inside.

Disgusted, but undeterred, his gaze swept around the shack.

The first thing he saw was the guitar.

It had never been a nice guitar—few items that were brought to Shantytown were—but it had been playable. There were times when the whole town would gather to listen to the music Héctor managed to coax from it. He would sometimes play with joy, sometimes with sorrow, but always, always grateful to play for others.

"When my wife gets here," he had told Chicharrón once, grinning as he tuned the strings, "I'll play 'Poco Loco' for her. Did I ever tell you I wrote it about her, when we were alive?"

He had. Enough times that Chicharrón had swung his cane at him and asked him to shut up about it, only half-jokingly. Héctor had never minded, always going right back to strumming the bouncy tune on the guitar's aging strings.

Said guitar had been smashed into roughly seven pieces, each of them equally waterlogged.

He tore his gaze away from the ruined instrument, still searching the shack. There were innumerable papers floating in the water, the writing on them too faded to read anymore. Bottles were scattered around, some sitting atop a worn table and chair, others smashed in the water below. In one corner hung a hammock with a threadbare blanket dangling into the water, and no sign that it had been used in some time.

After taking in the state of the little shack and not finding what he'd come for, Chicharrón's ribcage suddenly tightened.

Dios mio, had it actually happened? When no one was brave enough to check on him? When he was alone?

Anxiety hammering in his ribcage, Chicharrón walked around the shack, searching in the dim light for something he was all at once terrified he would not find. Water sloshed at his feet, and he nearly tripped over a broken bottle half-hidden in the murk. Just as he began to think that maybe he was too late, he paused, spotting something in the corner.

He'd overlooked it more than a few times—it may have just been a pile of clothes and broken junk—but now that he looked closer, he could barely pick up on a hint of yellow bone in the dim light.

Oh, he was going to punch him in his stupid face when this was over.

Héctor was huddled in the corner, curled up in as tight of a ball as his gangly limbs would allow. His face was buried in his knees, his arms folded tightly along his chest, and he was sitting in the water. If he'd moved at some point, Chicharrón hadn't noticed. In fact, Chicharrón wouldn't have been surprised if Héctor hadn't moved at all for some time now.

He was still here, though. Chicharrón could work with that.

Stepping in front of the young man, he nudged him in the side with his cane. "Héctor."

Héctor did not move.

"Héctor," he said again, jabbing him in the ribs.

This time Héctor flinched, but did not respond otherwise.

Chicharrón frowned, lifting his cane and tapping it against Héctor's jaw (or as close as he could manage). "Héctor, if you wanna keep the rest of your teeth, answer me."

Slowly, slowly the young man lifted his head, finally meeting Chicharrón's gaze. His eyes were barely open, exhaustion and grief etched into his features, making him look much older than he actually was. For someone who had been doing nothing but sitting around for an entire month, it didn't look like he'd gotten much sleep, if any.

Héctor stared at him, blinked wearily, and let his head drop back onto his knees.

Oh, that did it.

In a few quick movements uncharacteristic of his age, Chicharrón thrust his arm out, seized Héctor by the collar, yanked him forward, and struck him across the face. "Knock it off!" he growled. "You've been mopin' around for a whole month now. Get up."

He looked more alert now, at least, blinking a few times as his vision came to more of a focus. Once Chicharrón was sure he wasn't going to just slump over again, he let him go.

It took Héctor a moment to start moving. His bones creaked audibly as he rose to his feet, and his legs were shaking. When he began to wobble, he braced himself against the wall with his left hand, his right arm hanging limp at his side. Water dripped from his soaked, musty clothing—what had once been passable-quality blush charro suit.

"Where did you even get that thing?"

"Oh, you know… I just… let's just say I owe someone a few dozen favors."

"What'd'you need a fancy thing like that for?"

He'd hesitated. "I've… been counting the years, and… Imelda's in her seventies, now…"

"Sí. And?"

"If… if I can make this last a few years… I-I want something nice to wear. For her. When she gets here."

He'd been true to his word—he'd kept the suit in as nice a condition as anyone without access to a washer could manage.

Well, until now, apparently.

Chicharrón stepped back to appraise him—the suit was a wreck, and Héctor himself wasn't looking much better. He then looked around the shack, at the standing water surrounding them and the ruined items littering what had once been the floor. Both the house and its resident would need fixing up, but one was more important than the other.

Sighing, he hobbled toward the doorway, gazing out at the overcast sky past the doorframe. When he didn't hear anyone following, he glanced over his shoulder. Héctor was still braced against the wall, watching him.

Chicharrón struck his cane against the doorway. "Get over here, idiota."

It took a moment as Héctor glanced between the wall and the doorframe a few times, but finally he moved his hand from the wall and stepped forward—

—and immediately faceplanted, splashing water onto part of Chicharrón's outfit. Chicharrón gave a cry of disgust while a few miserable bubbles rose up around Héctor's head.

Rolling his eyes, Chicharrón yanked Héctor up by the hair as the other skeleton coughed and spat. "You forget how to walk, amigo?" he asked, cocking an eye ridge. Underneath his exhaustion, Héctor seemed to have the hints of a sheepish smile on his face. "Don't gimme that. You don't got any muscles that can atrophy any more."

Once Héctor had braced his arm against the floor, Chicharrón let him go, and watched as the younger man shakily rose to his feet. He didn't look like he trusted himself to try walking again.

"You fall over again and I'm draggin' you through town by the heel."

Héctor drooped at that, looking helplessly at Chicharrón for a moment before tentatively reaching out to wrap his left arm around the shorter man's shoulders.

"What, you wanna ruin my shirt, too?" Chicharrón grumbled, but made no other protest. Instead he switched his cane to his left hand so he could wrap his right arm around Héctor, easily supporting his meager weight.

Héctor was trembling, he noticed, and he wasn't surprised. At the tail end of winter, the water wasn't exactly warm.

Once they were both sure Héctor's legs weren't going to give out beneath him, they finally stepped out of the house, Héctor blinking in the overcast light.

Their exit didn't go unnoticed.

"Cousin Héctor!"

"Héctor, you're back!"

"Good to see you again, cousin!"

"What happened to you guys?"

A weary smile managed to cross Héctor's face as he walked, but Chicharrón met the cries of greeting and concern with a glare, which eventually silenced them. Some primos seemed to take note of their condition, and Chicharrón watched with no small amount of satisfaction when they crept around him carrying buckets and a towel, among other things.

About time.

Finally they reached the bungalow, and Chicharrón reached behind him with his cane to pull the door shut. That accomplished, he shrugged Héctor off of his shoulders, letting the younger man stumble as he hobbled over to one of his cluttered shelves. "Now get that wrecked suit off of ya," he said. "I got spare clothes 'round here somewhere. We'll see if someone can salvage somethin' from that suit of yours later."

He didn't hear any sign that Héctor was disrobing, but he did hear a loud sneeze somewhere behind him. The corner of his mouth quirked in a smile. "Heh, well, a handkerchief wouldn't be a bad idea, but you might wanna wait 'til it's dry first." He rifled around the shelves, shoving aside a stack of newspapers. "That's what you get for sittin' in cold water for a week."

A sniffle and a moan answered him. That was some amount of progress, at least, but not enough.

"Hurry it up," he said, catching a glimpse of fabric sticking out from under a pile of empty bottles. He yanked it out, sending several of the bottles crashing to the floor, only to find that it was an old dishrag. Eh.

Still keeping a metaphorical ear out for what Héctor was doing, Chicharrón resumed rifling through his shelves until he heard the pop of a disconnecting bone behind him. Frowning, he turned around.

Héctor was sitting on the floor, wincing badly as he carefully pulled on his right hand, his forearm sliding out from under its soaked sleeve. Confused, Chicharrón watched as the younger man finally removed his arm and set it on a nearby table.

The ulna was cracked through.

It wasn't exactly unheard of for Héctor to return to Shantytown with broken bones. Several years back he'd cracked a rib, and only a year ago he'd lost one entirely. But those had both been on Dia de Muertos, each after one of his ridiculous yearly stunts.

It was March.

Chicharrón glanced from the arm back to Héctor, who was staring at the floor and looking ready to curl up on himself again.

Scowling, he limped over to Héctor and struck him in the side with his cane, eliciting a startled yelp from the young man. "Get up and get that sopping wet mess offa' you!" he growled. When Héctor scrambled to his feet, Chicharrón looked him in the eye, and jerked his head back to where the disconnected arm was sitting. "And get outta the way. I think I still got some tape in that cupboard behind you."

He had barely seven inches of duct tape left, but he found a leather strip he could use for the rest. Incidentally, said leather was sitting by a bundle of old (but clean) clothing, which he tossed back to Héctor with the dishtowel he'd found earlier as he set to work on the arm.

The break was close to the end of the bone, where it would connect to the humerus. If the broken end got lost, he wouldn't be losing much of the bone, but he also wouldn't be able to keep the arm bones connected properly. Working carefully, Chicharrón began wrapping both the leather and the duct tape around the bone simultaneously and from different ends. If he could wrap them over each other, it would decrease the chances of either falling off.

Every so often he'd hear a whimper or a stuttering gasp behind him, but otherwise Héctor managed to keep fairly quiet during the whole procedure. As well, he finally did hear the sound of heavy, wet material getting tossed to the floor.

He let the silence hang over them for a moment, and waited until heard cloth wiping over bone before he spoke.

"You knew there was no point in gettin' that suit."

Silence again.

Chicharrón rubbed his thumb over the duct tape, making sure the tape was smooth. "No fancy suit or bouncy song was gonna change her opinion of you."

"H-how…" His voice was a hoarse croak. "How d-did you know she—"

"People don't get left off their family's ofrendas by accident." He took the disconnected arm by the hand, holding it back to Héctor without looking. "I know it, and you know it."

Héctor wordlessly accepted his arm back, and Chicharrón gave him a moment to slip into the clothing he'd tossed him earlier. When he turned around, Héctor was sitting, wearing a too-big unbuttoned shirt with a pair of worn capris, and looking over the patch job on his arm. A few seconds later he covered up the duct tape with his hand and stared at the floor.

"Well?" Chicharrón rested both hands on his cane.

Héctor's face twisted. The difficulty he had in getting the words out had nothing to do with how long it'd been since he'd last talked.

"...She h-hates me," he said, and hung his head.

Truly, a shock to no one but Héctor.

Chicharrón sighed, tapping his phalanges against his cane rhythmically in thought. "Who else you got?"

Lifting his head, Héctor looked at the man in confusion.

"On the other side. Who else you got that remembers you?"

"...Óscar. Felipe. M-my brothers-in-law. A-and… my Coco."

"That it?" Chicharrón grunted. He'd never been great with math, but he was able to make a rough calculation. "So you got… what, twenty years? Thirty, if you're lucky."

Héctor moaned, covering his face.

Rolling his eyes, Chicharrón nudged the man with his cane again. "Stop it and listen. You are not gonna spend the rest of your afterlife grievin' over someone who'd rather give you a crack on the arm than a decent conversation."

Shakily Héctor raised his head, giving Chicharrón a look. "So… I should spend it… listening to someone who'd like to hit me with a cane…?" he croaked.

"As long as you're not sitting around and moping!"

Heaving a deep sigh, Héctor hunched forward, looking deep in thought. "…Coco," he muttered.

Ay, here we go. Chicharrón rubbed his forehead.

"I-I… can still try to see her," Héctor said, a smile crossing his face. A slightly-manic smile. "E-even if Imelda d-doesn't—" He choked, swallowing once, twice.

"Héctor—"

"You said you don't want me moping, Cheech!" he cried, his rough voice cracking. "S-so I'll just go back to plotting! Like always—" He broke off into a sneeze, and shuddered.

"Yeah, fine, get yourself sick n' busted up again." Chicharrón shrugged in exasperation. "Guess there're worse ways to waste your afterlife. But don't let me catch you huddled up in your shack again when it don't do any good."

"If, Cheech, not when." Reaching up, he grabbed the shelf behind him and used it to pull himself to his feet. His legs were still shaking, but not quite as badly as they had been before. "It'll work, eventually."

For as bad as he still looked, he was at least up and moving, and that was what Chicharrón had set out to fix in the first place. Mostly.

"Gracias for the help," Héctor said, rough voice turning a bit more gentle. "And… for the… clothes." He tugged at the edge of his shirt, which hung off of him like a paper bag.

"Mmmhmm." Chciharrón leaned on his cane again.

Héctor looked like he was going to say something else, only to give another loud sneeze. Grinning sheepishly, he began stumbling toward the door. "Well, I'd… better go fix my house." He opened the door and stepped outside. "And… figure out a plan for next Dia de Muertos."

This again. "You're loco, Héctor," Chicharrón called after him, hobbling toward the doorway.

Héctor stopped on the boardwalk. "Optimistic," he corrected without looking back.

"Denial." Chicharrón leaned against his doorframe. "Learn the difference. It's gonna wreck you."

Slowly Héctor turned to face him, giving him a sad smile. "We're all wrecks here, Cheech. Does it really make a difference?"

Chicharrón eyed him for a moment, and shrugged.

Seeming pleased he'd gotten the last word in, Héctor turned back toward his destination. "Buenas noches, Chicharrón."

"You owe me for those clothes, Héctor!" Chicharrón called back, and smirked when he saw the younger man flinch.

He watched as Héctor stumbled out of sight, and turned back into his bungalow.

The ruined charro suit was still sitting on the floor, and he gathered it into his arms, looking for a spot where he could hang it out to dry.

"I can't remember if it was exactly this color… but I think it's close enough to the one I wore when I… when I left."

"So what?"

"Maybe if I wear it, play her song… it'll feel like I haven't been gone at all."

"Pshaw. After what, fifty years?"

"...It's worth a shot?"

Chicharrón shook his head. A lot of good that did him. He tossed the worn fabric over the ropes that supported his hammock.

But… he stood back, looking over the suit again. Not an hour or so ago, Héctor had been wearing it, and sitting in standing water in his shack with no intention of moving. Now, he was out fixing his house and plotting his next bridge-crossing scheme. Both were futile efforts, surely—the town would flood again, as it always did, and Héctor would get hauled off to jail next Dia de Muertos, as he always did.

Denial couldn't keep a man going for fifty years, though. Maybe he did have something going for him.

...Or maybe he was just loco.

We're all wrecks here, Cheech. Does it make a difference?

Maybe, maybe not. They were all heading toward the Final Death anyway… might as well let 'em do what kept 'em going. But one thing he knew for sure…

Héctor wasn't going to find him huddled up alone in his house, in the end.

(A/N: the idea that Imelda was the one to break Héctor’s arm comes from @im-fairly-whitty, who gave me permission to use the idea in this fic!)