#i... i read every word of this lmao

[himulrai]

optimus flashbanging megatron on his bad moods is one of my favourite hcs - i wanted to include it in my fic but i wasn't able to!

Note: Chapter 3 of Catalyse That Vertex is now up!

Orion Swap AU masterlist (since this technically falls under the AU)

[lazylittledragon]

ok someone please correct me if i'm wrong but am i weird for thinking those 'audiobooks don't count as reading' posts are ableist as fuck????

[vaguely-concerned]

thinking about not only the specific people lucanis pulls in to represent the 'locks' in his psyche, but the storytelling that happens in the structure/order of them. the underlying ideas are presented something like:

the lucanis who went into the ossuary never came back out again; he died down there (the boy caterina raised is gone forever) -> you're putting yourself in danger doing this (by being close to me), you should leave because I can't bear it if you get hurt because of me -> it doesn't matter even if we do try this, it won't work anyway (again because of me) ('you know what he's like, you can open the door but he won't walk through it' :'( oofie doofie) -> what if the real secret is that there was never anything but the monster in here from the beginning. you should leave, there was never anything here worth saving in the first place. (implicitly: what if I deserved what happened, all along.)

it runs pretty cleanly from outward-oriented attachment anxiety ('caterina won't even want me back like this, she won't recognize me (the same way I no longer recognize myself)) and gradually deeper inwards until we reach self-image and self worth. or you know, the harrowing basic lack of it lol.

"careful -- they'll know we're not right," spite says in one of their first scenes... but clearly, some very deep part of lucanis has feared or suspected for much longer than that that there's something inherently not right at the core of him, way before any demon entered the picture. and the voice he gives those lines to is the person who should know him better than anyone in the world, who he has loved more than anyone in the world -- and who deliberately chose to hurt him so horrifically anyway. 'It's better if I'm just a monster and deserved what happened than it is to allow for the idea that the brother I love doesn't really exist and maybe never did'. it's better if he's fundamentally flawed in some way that needed fixing to help him survive, and that's why caterina chose to hurt him again and again -- out of love. (this one I think he might have a very sad wakeup call on one day if he ever ends up with the responsibility and care of a child of his own in some way and realizes just how alien the idea of ever intentionally hurting them for any reason is to him. oh buddy. also interesting that he keeps caterina as the outermost lock -- there IS a distance he keeps there that he hasn't with illario. he doesn't resent her 'anymore' he says, but he also keeps her carefully further away from his deepest self.)

as far as I could tell the only note in the mind prison that's fully hidden and needs to be uncovered is the sad painful helpless stupid little truth that even after all this, even knowing what happened... he still loves his brother. is there anything illario could ever do that would make lucanis completely stop loving him, do you think? sometimes the trouble with unconditional love is that it is, well. unconditional, even when some terms and conditions probably would have been in order haha.

that's the pattern you see there again and again; he would rather destroy and abandon and imprison himself at every turn than let go of love, even when it's just scraps, even when there's only ever enough of it to hurt him. it's only when rook shows up and as it were takes his hand and walks along with him that he can entertain the idea of changing the story of what walking out the door might mean in the end.

[wasserbombe]

hi guess who fell into a Band of Brothers pithole?

[trevination]

an old bruise by trevination (1.4k)

summary:

“Wha’s that?” Pony murmured and stuck his finger out to poke at Johnny’s forearm. He wasn’t expectin’ the older boy to flinch back like the devil’s lightnin’ had struck him down. “Ow!” Johnny yelped. Pony murmured a tiny sorry, but still, stared at the spot on his arm.

may 1st drabble based off of @scealaiscoite's may prompts :) (sorry, i promise i won't tag u in every single post lmao)

[tennessoui]

obi-wan was out here telling anakin to be mindful (of his thoughts) twenty years before the trend. who knows how rots would have gone if anakin could have just been very demure and very mindful and cutesy like his master before him 😮‍💨

[marblerose-rue]

silly doodle for my fursona since i made her 11 years ago today :-)

[stressfulsloth]

Thinking about Harry and all the animal parallels that follow him through the narrative. It's true that these animal parallels reflect the way that the brutality of individualist moralism strips him of humanity as someone who has fallen through the safety nets, and his agonised shout of 'I don't want to be this kind of animal anymore' can be interpreted as a direct admission of the RCM's dehumanisation of him as a disabled addict who is no longer as 'useful' as he once was. Gottlieb even directly tells him '[he] lost [his] human visage a while back.' Jean calls him 'the most dangerous animal of them all'. The rabid dog that needs to be put down, the black dog (also a common metaphor for chronic mental illness!) that Mollins shoots as it licks its wounds; the scared, hurt, frightened animal lashing out, chewing off it's own leg to escape the trap that it's caught in. The wild dog is all they can see.

But then there is a flipside to these parallels too; a kindness, a gentleness, almost a freedom in Harry’s animal parallels. He's strong like a 'goddamn ox,' like a bear ('I had to kill the bear to become the bear'). He's a harrier hawk, a name given to ensure his safety, raised up to the level of the aerostatics looking down over Revachol, 'soar[ing] on the wings of [his] spirit hawk.' He's a leopard ('its impossible to know where you end and the leopard begins'), discovering or rediscovering a love of softness and sensuality that he'd not known before via the leopard print leotard that 'speaks to the animal inside [him]' and touches on his relationship with his gender ('Yes, this is the type of animal I want to be.').

He's a 'seagull', a bird that will do 'whatever it takes to survive,' a 'bird of paradise' that tells a story of 'endurance- and adaptation' ('You! You and the seagull are just alike!'). He survives, despite everything, despite the grimness of the world around him. He endures. Even the sea monster comparison is oddly kind ('You've become a sea monster -- giant, hidden and... strangely tender at heart'). Even as a monster, he's still gentle; he still has so much love for this world that has wrung every last bit out of him. As if his tenderness is such an inherent part of him that no matter what monstrous face he wears, no matter what creature is there in his shadow, he cannot help but have some trace of it at his core. His tender soul 'quivering like jello.' The pain he feels is raw and animal but so is the love he feels. So is the hope and the fear and the wonder.

[twisting-in-wonderland]

if there was an autobiography based on any of the twst characters lives, which one would you be the most interested in hearing?

I'm torn between two--

but in the end. DEFINITELY Rook's--

He'd write so much irrelevant detail, and in the end you'd know so much, yet so little about his life,,

plus- hear me out-

there's 70 parts in total

(second place was Lilia, since that guy's been through a LOT ( i mainly want to hear about the places he's been to and the food he's had tbh--- (if lilia did try and release his autobiography, it'd probably be a multi-part too- most people would think it was a fantasy story instead of an actual autobiography though lol--))

tied third was crowley and Grim as a joke, because 99% of it would be exaggerated and full of lies, i would read either one's to make fun of it-)

transcript under read more-- (since my hand writing is rough sry--)

image 1 :

Rook - 'Roi du poison! I have finished my Autobiography!'

image 2:

Vil - 'It's very well written, Rook.'

Rook - 'Oh! Bon! I am over-joyed to hear that! So you like it, Roi du poison?'

Vil - 'Of course.'

Rook - 'Bien! I shall fetch part two for you both!'

(on the side-

Epel - 'Why are there two pages describing us...?'

Image 3:

Vil and Epel - '...Part two?'

[kagaintheskywithdiamonds]

I wanna write something for the car stan au but I'm such a stickler for detail that if he's gonna talk using the radio like I described then I WILL make sure every bit of dialogue is cited from a song that actually exists (or a commercial or some DJ chatter that would plausibly exist) and I will also make sure that that song existed before ~1980

[sillymagicfroggie]

u should....totally draw coco's design in final remix....im curious to see how she would look like ur style....but take ur time!! have a nice day :D

i haven't drawn her in this design in so long,, i had to relearn how 🫣

sketches/design under the cut

somewhat explaining some of these choices in the tags?

[soughtstory]

I think the first story you write as a little kid reflects who you are at your core. The first story I wrote was two pages long, front and back, in neon pink comic sans-type font on my family’s living room computer. It was about a girl and a boy falling in love and she introduced him to all her friends because she loved him so much. That was it. I’m not sure who I am in that story, whether I’m the boyfriend, the girlfriend or the friends in general. Either way, I was excited to share it.

[theyre-in-love]

Turned Night Into Day

summary:

There's no reason why Illya should want to talk to him. Really, there isn't. So why's he showing up at his hotel room with a bottle of Scotch and something like an apology on his lips? Or, most of Amor Magnus Doctor Est chapter 8 in Napoleon's POV!! <3

notes:

inspired by Amor Magnus Doctor Est by @cha-melodius

tags:

POV Napoleon Solo, Napoleon solo has no self confidence, insecure Napoleon solo, Reunions, the happy ending to just like me, Mild Sexual Content, inspired by another fic, Napoleon Solo Needs a Hug, Emotional Hurt/Comfort, Fluff and Angst, Alternate Universe - Modern Setting, Alternate Universe - Professors

excerpt:

“I’m sorry,” Illya whispers, the words ringing like a gunshot in the otherwise dead quiet of the room. Of all the things Napoleon was expecting, it was definitely not that. “I heard what you and Gaby were talking about,” and “Did you really get Victoria fired to try and win me back?” seemed the most obvious. He’s only able to stare at Illya as the words rattle around in his head. In the silence of the room it seems that Illya might want to take it back. He finds himself hoping he will, because while there’s nothing he wants more than Illya, he’s only good for being left behind. He hopes equally as much that he won’t, because even in the face of reality he still wants him more than he’s ever wanted anything else. “What for?” he asks, head tilted to the side, brow furrowed. Illya huffs out a sound that could be a laugh, but it’s too harsh, too bitter to be classified as such. It’s so sudden that Napoleon actually flinches from it. “Everything,” he answers, like it’s obvious. Like he’d done anything wrong. Leaving him may have been the best decision Illya’s ever made. He can’t imagine how that could be wrong. “For blaming you when it wasn’t really your fault. For shutting you out. For not—” Illya’s voice catches in his throat, and he takes another swallow of liquor. Napoleon shuts his eyes against Illya’s next words, “for not being there for you when I should have been.” A feeble sense of hope takes root in his heart, growing until it threatens to choke him.

read more on ao3

[ccaptain]

tl;dr: H:SR Kaeya doesn't like overly-complex, conflicting & impulsive human behavior as it goes against his simple & logical nature as a being. He's bound to never overcome this obstacle, with all the conflicting emotions it comes with.

The biggest obstacle in passing off as fully human, for a being of the Enigmata, is the complexity of human behavior.

When normally something layered and difficult to understand would fascinate them and keep them engaged, this particular instance goes against their nature: beings have been created to deal with anything in their existance with logic and tranquility, picking the best path to avoid any complications arising during the problem-solving process. I have also explained in another headcanon that beings aren't made to feel extreme emotions in stressful situations with all the implications of the case, so complex emotions are something they try to avoid at all cost.

Kaeya, Emanator and Enigma, is not an exception.

From what he has extrapolated during the millennias of his life on multiple planets:

- Humans would love to live peaceful lives devoid of problems; however, when confronted with a problem that has a rather simple solution, most of them will bemoan and lament about it without attempting to solve it at the roots. This will lead to the completely solvable problem evolving into something bigger and more complex to dispose of, leading to more despair from their part. He has learned that this behavior is called self-sabotaging; - Most humans love to settle in a peaceful lifestyles, but this also bores them, thus leading them to fall out of the latter. Consequences also seems to be something deeply hated by humans, yet the logic of ''if I do X, then Y will happen to me'' never seems to appear in their mind. Human behavior is impulsive in the worst ways, this is what he wrote down in his notebook; - Most of them also have a passion for overcomplicating feelings and situations, leading to stress and miscommunication that seems to be unwanted, yet the behavior seems to prosper. He supposes that this also is in the realm of self-sabotating. The mental gymnastic to avoid saying explicit things is impressive even to a being that speaks in riddles;

Kaeya is terrifyingly good at observing and analyzing things, able to understand the feelings underneath and gently coax the Truth out, eventually and with time. However, when people observe him back and deduce that he's attracted to complex thing, they may make the mistake of thinking that this includes complex people into it. That their behavior may be fascinating to him just as objects are.

Nothing could be further from the truth.

In his bonds, Kaeya likes simple things, loves when actions explicitely underline care and affection, if there's some, showing that while his partner may be conflicted, they do feel something for him. He likes to use and receive words of affirmation, often uncomfortably truthful, when situations get too ambiguous for his likings, taking the matter in his own hands rather than leave the other spluttering around for words.

The complexity of the human being may be fascinating for some, but Kaeya has grown to be uncomfortable around too much of it.

It reminds him that there's a very physical wall between him and a normal human that he'll never manage to climb or burst down, because his methods and actions are simple, compared to the other person's methods, and he keeps seeking simplicity. He cannot evolve on that front, because simple is what he was made into.

Simple is how he always operates, and how he'll always operate, regardless of how human he'd like to be. He can understand the reasoning (boredom, self-sabotaging urges, etc.) behind imploding one's life, but the appeal is lost to him. If it was him, he'd much rather communicate that he needs a change of scenery and pace to the people in his life that matter. There are consequences to every actions that cannot be escaped forever, so he'd rather be forward instead of being dragged along and straight into an unpredictable obstacle because he gave in to his impulses. Not that he doesn't give in, sometimes, but most of his impulsive actions involve only himself, and not others. The consequences of his actions fall on him and only on him, as it should be.

In his close bonds, however, he feels safer than trying to observe confusing behavior from afar: he's confident that if he speaks up to the person about getting uncomfortable with the mixed signals they're giving him, said person will possibly understand his plight in wanting them to be a bit more forward, and will find a middle ground to avoid pushing him away alltogether. For him, it's this simple, and it should always feel like it'll be this simple.

While sarcasm, irony and the likes don't escape him as often (he has learned to read into the tone of voice), people's impulsivity and strong tendence at being unpredictable. Every time he's met with it, he feels the other person dragging him right into the obstacle.

The wall is said obstacle, and the other person is pulling him into it face-first, doing more damage than good- he can't read that language, and he can't be forced to, because his mind operates differently. He'll crash into the bricks head first.

It'll always operate differently. He'll always crash into it without a proper way to destroy the wall not because he lacks the tools to- but because the difficulty of depth and contrasting, fickle behaviors, if overdone, make him feel negative emotions. It's in here for protection, too.

[handsomegentlebutch]

My 3 little cousins were baptized today. "Triggered" is kind of a strong word but being in a catholic church again... I'm a little fragile rn ngl.

[trickstersaint]

hey hi hello! first of all i'd like to say i took your patron saint uquiz and it. Changed my life unironically it's so good. i follow you now because every line in that quiz was a gut punch and i loved it. top tier hurt honestly

my question is this - i am a fanauthor. on the side i also write my own original fiction but i specialize in fanfic. Am I allowed to use your poetry for a reference folder? I wouldn't use your poetry in a fic without explicit permission and without linking back here of course, and I'd never use it for commercial work outside of maybe taking inspiration without copying, but I wanna have a ref folder of Things That Made Me Feel Things about a character. It's not planned to be public as of yet, it's just supposed to be a bunch of screenshots in my drafts, but I'd like to maybe one day make it public once the fic was complete. (I already have your blog linked in my drafts actually, so if it goes public I'm not gonna forget.) I just want to make sure you're comfortable with me using your poetry for fanfic of all things

It's cool if not and have a great day! I still think your poetry is great and evocative and all

hi, anon! you're all good, i prommy. so glad you like the quiz + the poetry, and i would always prefer people come and ask questions if they're uncertain! no trouble at all.

my general stance is that as long as it's clearly credited, i am totally cool with my work being used in personal projects. like you said, i've got a tag for the things that people make! i love to see what people create. if it's for a noncommercial creative project then i would say there's no need to ask beforehand (unless it would make you more comfortable to ask, in which case go ahead and i'll almost certainly say yes <3). my only thing is that if you post it, please tag me in it/send it to me so that i can reblog it here for people to see!

if there are any questions about using my work that anyone has, feel free to ask. i don't think i've got anything particular going on outside of common practice! same way you'd treat, like, a richard siken poem or smth: you wanna credit it so that people can find the source material, and make sure you're not using it for profit unless you have an understanding with that author. i trust you all to be decent about it <3 kiss kiss go out and make your cool little things so that i can be delighted and amazed with them