#ianto knows he doesn’t know anything about jack in reality

[rystiel]

when you find out your boyfriend essentially murdered a bunch of kids but you still cradle his dead body in your arms so he doesn’t wake up alone

[sundayinthcpark]

okay so i’m still scribbling down ideas and i’m kinda stoned and idk if i’ll ever manage to write this cos i have never rlly written anything like this (literally anything i’ve never written for one of these fandoms i’ve never finished a multi chap plotted fic i’ve never written an in-depth au like idk if i even could do this) but the other day my brain decided WOULDN’T IT BE COOL if Kingsman and UNIT were the same people. (and honestly MIB: International a bit too) but like. Kingsman Doctor Who AU. that’s mostly focused on osgate.

for whatever reason, the code name Arthur isn’t used and is instead replaced with The Doctor. why, idk. there doesn’t need to be a reason. just, when the doctor, the brig, and liz shaw all started this, he decided his code name was The Doctor and it’s been that way since

also the plot was: three different stories, spanning a couple different time periods.

first story (kingsman: the secret service) is very much just stolen ideas from what i know of the Cyber-Reality Big Finish stories. which admittedly about 80% of that (i did start listening to them. finally) is because of @technicallywrite’s fanfic 🫡 but i promise i am doing my research. but anyway like that cyber program instead of valentine’s program??? osgood thinking kate’s dead for like half the story adds some fun to it and i could add kate’s pov w whatever’s happening to her OR i could just. go off from Kingsman and do it closer to Big Finish and just call it good.

ideally: harry = kate; eggsy = osgood; arthur = 12th doctor; merlin = river

considering replacing jakobi!master w gomez!master for some extra fun? like it just could be fun is all.

also: focus is osgate but there is background stuff going on. 12/River/Missy ???? do some fun little twists get them all together i think they deserve it. also other knights/agents would be (possibly.) amy, rory, clara, rose, yaz, donna, martha, bill, sam, josh, gwen, ianto, maybe jack? not as important characters literally just names to fill in blanks. i have code names for them too just in case it’s needed as well as ships cos background ships r always so fun

also was thinking abt the possibility of: sarah jane is the lancelot being replaced. i don’t wanna kill her either but. it adds some fun messy stuff for kate cos i am always a sarah jane/kate truther but also establishing it all could be messy

also was considering just having sarah jane have been a past agent that kate’s father knew (will get into family history in a sec) and kate got to occasionally hear some stories about her OR sarah jane is kate’s aunt (basically they knew each other but sarah jane is gone now and kate struggles with that a bit)

cos kate’s dad was obviously part of Kingsman which is how Kate got recruited- sorta. (here is why i want sarah jane to be. important and not related to kate but i can’t change some of it) cos she technically still had to be recruited but sarah jane kept an eye on kate while she was in military training and actually recruited her having not realised who she was until after she had already decided

which is about to be what happens here cos. osgood is a rlly fucking good hacker and they can hack into p much any database okay so kingsman has been keeping an eye on them- not cos they’re worried that osgood will reveal them, just cos they kinda think she’s brilliant- and kate actually ends up running into them at a bar. where idk what but some kinda relatively easy to defeat alien shows up right and kate has to get rid of it and suddenly there’s a lot going on but kate is asking osgood to come to kingsman with her

and basically what osgood had been doing is kinda like. non-violent the beekeeper type shit like hacking elon musk’s bank account to send a billion dollars to palestine or some shit like just trying to improve the world in whatever ways right

and then osgood’s ends up joining kingsman (sorry but skip the ‘roxy beats eggsy’ plot line cos even tho i love roxy i don’t have time to figure out how to fit weird sexism into this especially cos not one man has actually been a part of this story yet) and proceeds to get sucked into the Cyber-Reality storyline

lowkey tho a) i need to learn how to write smut because i need them to hook up at least once probably pre-cyber like. anything. like they r attracted to each other. maybe that’s how kate learns about them in the first place is they hook up and osgood tells kate what they do with their life and kate decides to look into her work

(just occurred to me this may not be obvious but she/they osgood. possibly they/then doctor too cos i like fucking around w characters’ pronouns)

but anyway yeah i actually lowkey want the story to end with them not quite having figured themselves out but knowing they’re gonna do it together (😏)

but def positive ending cos i have not thought out Kingsman: The Golden Circle yet

i have figured out origins but not entirely how to make it follow a plot line yet but there’s a strong chance of it involving the third doctor, liz shaw, and the brigadier and possibly autons. liz = galahad; brig = merlin. and obviously it’ll have threebrig. but it’s a separate story i’ve barely thought about

also figuring out how to make the time jump from three to twelve but also still having time in there for kate to come around? it’s gonna be interesting for sure

this is so much rambling j am very sorry and i’m also very tired and i definitely could do better hashing this out and i’m working on doing better hashing this out i just also needed to ramble at someone. lol

[laylainalaska]

Thinking about Owen, and various fixits for Owen, I got to considering -- in some other universe, given world enough and time, what if he could have just ... healed?

Nobody knows what all that energy he absorbed actually does, or can do. It’s clearly preserving him, and the body is incredibly resilient. What if, over the next couple of years, his body just kind of starts working again, slowly but surely starting up again like a cold motor?

It’s very slow and gradual, so gradual he doesn’t even notice, at first, that anything is going on. It’s incredibly little things at first. There’s a little more touch sensitivity than he used to have, but at this point he’s completely forgotten what touching things actually feels like, and he feels pressure anyway and he’s learned to compensate for the rest of it. So if he can manipulate things a little better than he used to be able to, he thinks it’s just that he’s gotten better at it.

He’s busy and he keeps forgetting to renew the stitches holding his hand together (actually at this point he just glues it) and he doesn’t really notice as the intervals get longer, and then one day it’s been ages and he’s dissecting something in the autopsy room and he’s taking off the gloves and he notices that the cut isn’t really there anymore, it’s like it sealed up, though you can still see a faint line where it was. And he’s like, huh, that’s weird, but maybe he did actually glue it recently and forgot, and anyway there’s 12 Roman centurions and an alien spaceship attacking downtown Cardiff and there’s no time right now to deal with it.

And maybe it’s late and he’s bored out of his skull (the worst thing about not being able to sleep or drink is not being able to shut his brain off; the human brain isn’t meant to run at full speed forever, and at least he’s mostly stopped worrying that he’s going to go insane from lack of sleep -- he never told Tosh that one -- but he’s also learned that sometimes he just has to stop, and stare at a reality TV show for a while, or just zone out) ... so anyway, he decides to lie down for a while, and he closes his eyes (another thing he’s getting better at, being able to close his eyes for a little while without being afraid of slipping away into darkness forever) but this time, when he opens them, there’s sunlight streaming into his flat.

And he’s like ... okay, maybe I lost track of time for a while. But it happens again, a few times, usually when he’s either really bored or he’s been “on” for awhile pulling an all-nighter. And maybe he does it at work and wakes up on the couch or (probably worse) sprawled on the autopsy table, with an incredibly panicked Gwen or Ianto or Tosh shaking him and staring at him all wild-eyed, because they just came in and found him totally unresponsive, and he doesn’t have any vital signs anyway, and somewhere deep down they’re all worried -- they always have been -- that it’ll just stop, that one of these days he’ll run down like a battery losing its charge. So basically finding Owen literally-actually dead is something they all think is going to happen one of these days, but have never mentioned to him because he’d probably say something like, “Wish it would hurry up then,” but now it’s ACTUALLY HAPPENED ... except he wakes up flailing with an annoyed “Oi, mate!” and that’s when he starts to realize ... this is sleep. He’s falling asleep. Or at least falling into something like sleep. 

And there’s other little stuff. He’s annoyed and out of sorts and uncomfortable for days, and then he thinks “can’t be” but he takes a sip of water anyway, the first time he’s done that since he died. A sip is all he can take, since his digestive system still doesn’t work, but ... that actually was it. Apparently.

He’s gotten used to being able to run indefinitely without getting out of breath or tired, but sometimes, these days, he does actually feel something that’s a little bit like tiredness, or like a band across his chest. 

He hasn’t mentioned this to the others because he suspects it’s a symptom of the energy that sustains him running out -- maybe it’s not actually going to be sudden, maybe it’s actually slow, and either way there’s nothing he can do about it, so why deal with the sympathy and tragic looks? He’s already had to deal with them grieving him and crying over him on three different occasions, and if that is what it is, he just can’t deal. He’ll run a scan. One of these days.

(He kind of doesn’t want to know either. It’s bad enough knowing he probably has an expiration date, but then again, everyone does. It’s worse knowing that it might be soon. It’s not that he likes this endless, changeless unlife, that he enjoys knowing that a careless punch or kick could wreck him enough to put him out of the field permanently. It’s just. Gwen and Rhys’s baby is due in March, and they won’t tell anyone if it’s a boy or a girl and it seems unfair after all of this if he dies without even being able to find out -- he hates not knowing things. And Jack and Ianto are having some kind of ... it’s not a wedding exactly, more like some sort of bizarre future custom that he’s pretty sure Jack is just making up details about to mess with the rest of them, but anyway, it’s in May and he’s supposed to be the best man, and it’s really going to be annoying if he drops dead ... uh, dead-er before he can find out if it’s going to be more or less of a disaster than Gwen and Rhys’s wedding. And Tosh ...

He’s not done yet, is the thing. He doesn’t like being like this. But he likes being with these people. There’s just so much to do yet. So much to learn. He’s not ready to just ... not be.)

And he doesn’t really think that much about the broken fingers anymore, just changes the splint and bandages occasionally (usually when he gets something disgusting on them; it’s not like he has to worry about pressure sores) but it’s like the cut on his hand, something he takes for granted so completely that he’s stopped really thinking about it. Doesn’t really think about, that is, until he has the splint off for some reason -- they’re all covered with alien goo; that stuff gets everywhere -- and he reaches for something, and he’s already picked it up before he realizes he’s using the hand with the broken fingers and they’re just. moving. 

What

So he goes and sticks his hand under the X-ray machine, and they’re not healed, exactly, but there’s every indication that the bone has knit partway back together.

He just stares at that for a little while, because ... it can’t be. Maybe what he’s seeing is gradual bone decay over time from the broken bones wearing together and bone dust building up around the joint. He can’t be healing; his body has no metabolism anymore, no cellular respiration, no ... anything.

Except. He runs some tests and apparently ... it does. There is some cellular respiration going on. He panics a little bit and gets Tosh to help him with some tests because maybe his brain is starting to shut down or something, and Tosh panics a little too, and they look over the results, and she confirms his findings. There wasn’t anything like this before, in the approximately 11 billion tests Martha ran on him, but it’s changed. There is cellular activity going on in his body. Not nearly to the extent you’d expect to find in a living creature, which is weird, because it’s not supposed to work like that -- you’re either alive or dead, you can’t be part alive any more than you can be part dead -- but there’s nothing about this that isn’t weird, and anyway, it’s right there on the screen in unforgiving numbers. Somehow, slowly, against all odds, he’s coming back to life.

And as he’s staring at Tosh she blurs, and he can’t figure out what’s happening at first, until he realizes that for the first time in two years, he’s crying.

[sherlockpond]

I’ve been writing a lot of Torchwood stuff recently, and part of that is watching old episodes to try to listen to character voice, colloquial stuff, other boring bits and there’s one thing I can’t shake.

Surely, I can’t be the only one who doesn’t understand Jack’s coldness towards Ianto in COE, especially in the first episode (and then the following, subsequent episodes).

The whole series feels like their relationship is strained, jilted even, until the reality sets in on Day Four that there’s nothing that can be done to stop the plague at Thames House.

I feel like we needed some subtext as to why their relationship is in such an odd place, like a prequel to explain why Jack is so hostile and Ianto is so subdued. We know, as an audience that’s watched for two series (when it originally aired), that it’s OOC for both characters.

It’s only now, as an adult, that I feel COE frames their relationship as perhaps a little toxic, it even makes me feel a tad uncomfortable at some points because Ianto is so caring to Jack, and I feels like it’s met ungratefully. The way Jack cuts Ianto off when he’s clearly baiting to see what the relationship means to him, or when he says the iconic line ‘I hate the word couple’ - it all feels mean and unnecessary, not something we imagine Jack to be without provocation.

I know now with all the fantastic Big Finish dramas, comics, books, even the BBC dramas, that this isn’t the case in nearly every other story their relationship is fairly consistent and doesn’t feel forced at all. Which is why I find the tension between them so uncalled for. Obviously, the large majority of ‘inserted media’ came years after the initial release of COE in 2009, but I remember being at Comic Con that same year and listening to the actors try to explain why the whole dynamic felt different, and none of it felt right - I wish I could remember the panel better but it was 2009 - sue me, it’s all a bit hazy now.

But then I think of the actors actually receiving the scripts, then the table read-through, the directors choices for certain lines to delivered in a certain way - the actors playing the words in a deliberate manner... and I just get a bit lost. When Ianto’s sitting at his sister’s table, he doesn’t have to say anything because (as we now know) his relationship with his family is strained at best. He chooses to tell her about Jack and that’s even more confusing for the audience because only two scenes before Jack’s giving him the cold shoulder and brushed him off like he’s being clingy. The writers could have made and used this fissure between them to make their relationship more meaningful, if only they’d created a reason for the rift being there in the first place. So when Jack does open up to Ianto a little in the warehouse (legit minutes before Ianto dies, but I digress), it would mean a bit more because we could all grieve that they were just about to be on the same page and now they’ll never have the chance.

All we needed was a scene, a conversation, which sets up why they’re on such shaky ground and then there could have been more oomf when they’re finally a bit more honest with each other before they go to Thames House. It would have given the audience something to be joyous about that wasn’t directly about the threat of life - it would be a happiness for two characters that audience have invested time and energy into.

This isn’t a dig at the writers, by the way, I just don’t understand the motivation, and it’s always bothered me.

TL;DR - if we knew why Ianto and Jack were behaving so OOC for what feels like the majority of COE, I think it would have made the story feel more substantial. If we were given a scene to explain it. So that the theme of redemption of their relationship is made by tragic by Ianto’s death (wish it wasn’t tragic... but what can you do?)

If anyone has any articles/convention clips/blogs on this kind of thing - I’d be really interested to hear what others have to say about it, or anything the actors/writers themselves said at the time.

(Dw i’n mynd i cysgu nawr. Dw i’n wedi blino.)

[enderon]

Thanks to a re-listen to Outbreak and John Barrowman’s interpretation, I’ve found a new way to view Jack & Ianto’s weird behavior towards each other in Children of Earth that makes it a lot more bearable and, if anything, mildly heartbreaking. So, this all stems off the pretty solid idea that the events of Outbreak happened relatively near the events of Children of Earth, seeing as they were both in 2009. 

The idea here is that, due to the events of Outbreak and certain revelations thanks to the good thinking virus, both Jack & Ianto have started to realize the true depths of Jack’s feelings for Ianto and are having very different reactions to it. 

Like John Barrowman suggested, Jack has finally started realizing just how much he loves Ianto, considering the intensity of his feelings in Outbreak, and realizing that all of the things he told him were true. And that scares the hell out of Jack. It scares him cause he doesn’t wanna get hurt, knows that if he lets it get too far it might destroy him, but even he’s aware that it’s already too late. He genuinely has no idea what he’s gonna do when he inevitably looses Ianto, and that scares the hell out of him. So through Children of Earth he’s kind of distant, standoffish, not as aware of Ianto’s feelings, cause he’s trying really hard not to think about Ianto, about this man that so clearly loves him back. But then everything is revealed and Jack is sure that Ianto is gonna hate him for this, starts walling himself off and considering that maybe this is for the best, but then Ianto surprises him cause he doesn’t hate him. He doens’t even care that he did it, just that he didn’t tell him, and ain’t that just amazing. That this man can look at all of the terrible things he’s done, both to others and himself, and still forgive him, can still love him so wholeheartedly. Even so soon after trying his damndest to kill him, Ianto still loves him, and it’s amazing. 

Now, on the other side, Ianto’s reaction to realizing how much Jack loves him. To an extent, Ianto is also terrified by this revelation, but more cause he just finds it hard to believe. From the beginning, he’s never kidded himself in their relationship, never expected to truly be loved by Jack, even when he realized his own feelings, he never really believed that Jack would return those feelings, that he was capable of it. And Ianto tried to convince himself that that was fine, that he was okay with that. But then the good feelings virus happens and Ianto has it thrown in his face, the truth, the reality that Jack really and truly does love him, with so much of himself, and that in itself is terrifying. But it’s also exciting, and Ianto can’t help but be kinda giddy at the revelation of it all. Jack loves him and he can’t help but be happy about that, be just a little bit goofy. It’s why he reacts so strangely to the whole ‘couple’ thing, cause for the first time he’s hearing people say that and thinking that, maybe, it’s actually true. They are a couple, they are together, they love each other, and he’s so happy that he’s even able to admit it to Rhiannon, even if it still takes a bit of prodding. 

[cxptained-archived]

@blipintiime | this is a ‘Jacklynn had a shit day and I've made a present for while she’s away to come back to’ thing

                              It’s hard for Jack to look at Ianto with anything that doesn’t resemble pure adoration. Even if he doesn’t MEAN to do so. Even if the purpose he turned around to the Welshman is to order him to go clean out the archives. Even if he’s any HINT of annoyed at him. That look on his face always and without fail returns to soft love.

It’s a PUPPY-DOG kind of love isn’t it? The one where you don���t even catch yourself making eyes at your beloved across the room until they’re staring straight back into your soul. And all you can do is SNAP yourself back to reality and take note of the expression pouring out across your features without your permission; declaring your emotions for the whole world to see.

                            That’s how every day feels with Ianto Jones around. 

He can be doing very little with his time. Pottering around making coffee. Carrying archived items back and forth across the Hub; doing something important only Ianto Jones really knows or even seems to care about. A little quip here. A sarcastic comment there. ENOUGH to make Jack Harkness raise his head, a curl of a smile gracing his lips before telling team mates to ‘ play nice ’.

Perhaps they’re even in bed. Ianto asleep against his side and Jack... well, Jack doesn’t sleep. He simply lies awake and watches. The way the other man’s chest rises and falls with very single breath he takes. The way he moves ever so slightly through the different stages and cycles of sleep. Jack doesn’t take his eyes off that sleeping form, nor his hands either. Touching him at all times, a hand in his hair or resting against his heartbeat. Some way of touching the man so IMPORTANT to his life at all times.

Yet people may look at Jack and wonder why on EARTH Ianto would choose a man like him? Jack wouldn’t blame them. There’s no way Jack believes he should have ever have gotten so lucky that he manages to bag as man as beautiful inside and out as Ianto Jones. Jack would be the FIRST to admit he doesn’t deserve such a pure soul in his life.

                            But he won’t change the fact that he does.

                                                                                                       Not for ANYTHING.

And, as Captain Jack Harkness looks up from his desk, watching Ianto move around the Hub for the twelfth consecutive minute, it’s only when Gwen clears her throat he realises that he’s been staring at Ianto’s ASS the entire time.

[avaantares]

Tag game - Torchwood edition

Tagged by:  @humany-wumany-stuff

Rules: Always post the rules. Answer the 11 random questions posted for you. Create 11 new ones and tag 11 people. Let the person who tagged you know that you answered.

1. When did you start watching Torchwood and what (or who) got you to start watching?

I was actually a bit late to the party, since my personal history with Doctor Who is... complicated (and waaaaay too long to relate here, though I’m happy to share the story if anyone ever gets really bored). The net result is that I didn’t catch up with New Who and, by extension, Torchwood until long after Torchwood had finished its TV run. I think it was 2014, maybe? (Sadly, I’d already been spoiled for most major series events, so I didn’t get to experience the shock and dismay of those who watched when it was new.)

I started watching because yes please, more Captain Jack Harkness, thank you. But I stayed for Ianto Jones.

2. What is your go-to episode to watch when you’re feeling down/bored and why?

You know, I really don’t have that kind of relationship with television. I watch TV so rarely (by which I mean I went for 13 years without even having TV and didn’t miss it), and I have so little free time in my schedule, that I don’t tend to rewatch shows unless I’m 1) showing the series to someone new (which I’ve done with Torchwood) or 2) looking for specific costume references (which I have also done with Torchwood).

That said, I think KKBB probably packs the most pure, shameless entertainment value, so if I really needed a Torchwood fix I’d probably go for that one.

3. Which of the TW villains/aliens/whatevers did you find the scariest and why?

I think Torchwood’s storytelling was at its best when the team wasn’t facing camp alien monsters, but rather dealing with concepts and issues rooted in our reality. Suzie Costello was a decent person, slowly warped into a serial killer by the things she’d seen and done. Out of Time touched on aging and cultural disconnect and loss. Meat was about exploitation. Children of Earth used aliens as a frame to explore political corruption and the abuse of power. Those stories were much darker and stayed with me longer than, say, a poorly-CGed “fairy” with improbable dentition. (Apologies to The Mill, but those effects... weren’t scary at all.)

4. If you had to pick 2 characters to do a BF audio, who would it be and what would it be about?

Ianto Jones and Norton Folgate. Probably having to join forces to save Jack, or something. I don’t even care what the plot is, I just want a full hour of catty insults and cutting dialogue between those two. SO MUCH SASS.

5. What is your favourite fanfic-trope to read/write?

To read? Probably slow burn, but it has to be done really well. I also enjoy emotional H/C, if it’s believable and not just abusing or woobifying the characters.

To write? The pen-dulum (ha!) swings liberally between angst and dry humor/snark. I also have a tendency to get characters into really heated, emotional arguments, possibly because they’re all so stupidly repressed and it’s nice to see them let loose once in a while.

6. If you could assemble your own TW team (post-CoE) with canon characters from the extended Who-niverse (any show related to DW), who would be in it?

So this is basically just a list of all my favorite companions, right?

Core Modern-Day Team:

Martha Jones - brilliant medic; worked for UNIT; saved the world a few times. Won’t take guff from anyone.

River Song - Jack’s equal in every way, only far more likely to shoot you. Tolerates even less nonsense than Martha.

Zoe Heriot - super genius from the future who can calculate pretty much any mathematical solution in her head faster than a computer. Adorably perky, but not afraid to hit bad guys over the head.

Sara Kingdom - by-the-book former Space Security officer. The one who would constantly be reminding Jack that he’s in violation of Torchwood code #439.27 subsection A. Also handy with a blaster.

Ianto Jones - because of course he’s still around, why wouldn’t he be?

Victorian Team:

The Paternoster Gang (Lady Vastra, Jenny, and Strax) - They’re pretty much doing Torchwood’s job for them already. so why not?

Jamie McCrimmon - 18th-century Highlander. Only barred from the main team because if Jack actually had a young, athletic, kilt-wearing man on his regular team, he’d never get ANYTHING accomplished (also, Ianto would probably have to intervene due to Olympic levels of workplace sexual harassment).

Consultant:

Sarah Jane Smith and K-9 - journalist-turned-suburban-mom who still saves the world on a weekly basis, and her robot dog. She doesn’t really approve of Torchwood (that’s actually canon!), but helps out when they need it.

7. A question you would like to ask the actors on a panel (assume they are all present :p)

Since we know that the storylines and character arcs were often in flux as the series was being written, what grounding concept or idea allowed you to keep your character’s portrayal consistent throughout the series?

8. If there was another season and they would do a crossover with any show/movie/book/whatever of your choosing for 1 episode, what would it be and why?

This is a little bit cracked, but someone recently posted about a Dirk Gently/Torchwood crossover, and I think, with enough suspension of disbelief, there’s actually some potential there. I mean, except for the conflict of Samuel Barnett being in both series. (Though I could see some good material there, too...)

Apart from that, it’s already been, er, “established” that Sherlock and Doctor Who/Torchwood exist in the same universe (oh, Arwel Wyn Jones, did you know the chaos you were unleashing?), so... why not?

9. If you were to find out tomorrow that Torchwood is real and Jack is leading a Torchwood team in your home city, how would you convince him to let you join them?

Oh, man. Would I want to? I mean, what are my odds of survival?

I am (among other things) a professional animal trainer with some certification letters after my name, so I would probably just point out that they really need someone to train their pteranodon so it stops eating livestock and pooping on all the war memorials.

10. How would you recast the original Torchwood team? (Jack, Owen, Tosh, Ianto and Gwen)

Hmm, I’m not sure I would. The characters are so closely tied to the actors in my mind, I can’t picture anyone else playing them. I can only come up with alternate faces if we port it completely out of context. So here’s my completely ridiculous Golden Age of Hollywood Torchwood cast:

Jack - Errol Flynn (dat jawline, yo)

Owen - James Cagney

Gwen - Barbara Stanwyck

Ianto - Marlon Brando (young Brando. Not Jor-El.)

Tosh - Miiko Taka? (This is a hard one to cast in that era, because Toshiko’s Japanese heritage is so significant to her character, but there were so few headlining Asian actresses during the GAoH. Or... well, even today, for that matter.)

11. If you could pick any author to write a Torchwood novel, who would it be and why?

Are we excluding fanfic writers? Because if we’re going to talk novel-length Torchwood stories, I could name a few that are more consistent and true to character than the official ones... *sidelong glance at @gmariam321*

But while we’re dreaming of impossible things, how about Douglas Adams? He wrote for Doctor Who, and his own books spanned the bizarre (Hitchhiker’s Guide to the Galaxy) and the tragic (Last Chance to See), so I think he would bring an interesting perspective to a bunch of alien hunters trying to save the world from their glorified sewer in Cardiff.

Also, potential sofa cameos.

In all honesty, I was going to do the 11-new-questions-and-tag-people thing, but it’s now 4:59 a.m. (ZOMG1 what am I still doing awake at this hour?!) and I really, really need to turn off the computer instead of thinking up creative new asks. So I’ll just open this up to anyone who hasn’t yet been tagged and offer them the same questions @humany-wumany-stuff posed!

[jbharrisauthor]

Episode 1 - Timing is Anything - Chapter Five

Read Chapter One here

Read Chapter Two here

Read Chapter Three here

Read Chapter Four here

The Doctor stared at the woman, disbelief making her two hearts skip. No, she couldn't have heard that right. Or the woman had to mean something else. Not what she was thinking. Not them. Her blood was running cold through her veins.

"What did you say?" Her voice came out hoarse and she swallowed.

"That's all I know, they're called the Timeless and they demand sacrifices."

"Not anymore." Ianto stalked away from them, heading back out to the balcony.

The woman who'd officiated the ceremony used the opportunity of her distraction to hurry away, slipping through a heavy wooden door and slamming it behind her.

The Timeless. It couldn't be. They'd long since ceased to exist. The Timelords had made sure of it.

She jogged over to where Ianto had mounted the altar. "Ianto, what are you going to do?"

He didn't answer her, features set in concentration as he studied the bronze structure. The few people who hadn't left the balcony had gone silent, staring at him.

She pulled out her sonic screwdriver, searching for some kind of control panel. "I should be able to shut it down if we can find the controls."

"And what's going to stop them from turning it on again once we leave?" He rounded to one side of the edifice and put his shoulder against it, pushing all his weight into it.

"I don't know if that's such a good—"

The structure gave a metallic whine, cutting her off as it began to list to one side. After a long moment of teetering, it toppled over, hitting the stone balustrade and collapsing in a crunch before falling to the street below.

Breath catching in her chest, she rushed over to look down. Luckily the street had been empty and it hadn't landed on anyone. Ianto was staring at the spot where it'd gone over the railing as if he hadn't expected to cause so much destruction.

"Well, I think we can guarantee no one else will be going through the infinite unification ceremony anytime soon."

"Did—did anyone—" He swallowed. "Did anyone get hurt?"

She crossed the altar to stand in front of him. "The street was clear."

"Oh, thank God." He blew out a hard breath, dropping his head.

Beyond him, the few people who'd been standing around on the balcony looked like they were starting to get over the shock, swiftly heading for anger. Uh-oh. This had all the potential to turn into a lynch mob.

"Ianto, I think it might be time for us to leave."

He nodded, dragging a hand through his hair. "Can we go back now? Back to Earth, I mean. To Jack. I need to go home to Jack."

"Let's just get out of this place first."

He glanced up and finally seem to realize they were the centre of attention, standing there on what had once been the people's altar.

"Ah, yes, that seems like it might be a good idea," he agreed, voice tight with nervous tension.

They stepped down, but didn't even make it half way across the balcony before people crowded around them.

"You've desecrated out sacred temple!" someone accused, which was followed by a swell of angry agreements. More people came out to see what the yelling was about, making escape that much harder.

"Doctor, what you said before about weddings—"

"Okay, I lied. Occasionally when I go to weddings, people try to kill me."

They shifted in closer together as the crowd pressed forward.

"You were the one who thought we didn't need a plan," Ianto said. "What do we do now?"

"Now, we hope we can reason with the angry mob. Which would be a lot easier to do if you hadn't thrown their quantum laser over the balcony."

"That was an accident."

She glanced over her shoulder at him with a disbelieving look.

"Mostly," he added, sheepishness edging into his features.

She held out both hands as the crowd pressed in even closer. Damn it. She hated it when people took her captive. It happened far too often. She wasn't in the mood to be kidnapped today.

"All right, that's enough now." At her words, the crowd quietened down a little. "We're very sorry about your altar, but believe me, you're better off without it. There is nothing glorious about being turned into quantum dust."

The angry exclamations swelled again, louder this time.

"Did you really think that was going to work?" Ianto demanded as they were grabbed and pulled apart.

"I just told them the truth." She tugged in annoyance against the two men holding her, but it didn't do any good.

"Great, I'll have that engraved on your tombstone, shall I?"

"Sass, Ianto. Not helping right now!"

They were propelled down the stairs and through the temple, going toward the far back of the building. Finally, they were thrust into an empty room.

She rounded on the men who'd been holding her once they let her go. "What are you going to do with us?"

"We haven't decided yet," one of the men paused to answer as the others left. "But we can't let this go unpunished. No one else can ever go through infinite unification now because of you."

"I think what you meant to say was thank you!" Ianto yelled after them as the door slammed shut. He shoved a hand through his hair, pacing a few short steps in frustration.

There were a couple of old chairs strewn about the room, most of them not even upright. She picked one up and sat down on it.

Ianto stared at her, expression incredulous. "So what, you're just going to sit there and wait until they come back to tell us whatever punishment they've decided on?"

"Exactly." She crossed her arms and set her attention on the door. Hopefully it wouldn't be a long wait.

"No offense, but that's an absolute rubbish plan. Can't you use that sonic screwdriver to get us out of here?"

"Oh, I totally could."

"So do it then." Ianto made a hurry-up motion toward the door.

"But I'm not going to."

He let out an irritated noise and then came over to throw himself in the chair next to her.

"Why not?"

"Because of what that woman said. That the people who set up this temple call themselves the Timeless."

"Timeless? What's that?"

"They shouldn't be. They can't be." The trepidation, the cold dread that'd slithered down her spine when the woman had first mentioned the word returned, making her shiver.

"It's serious." Ianto had lowered his voice, tone dark and sombre. "Whatever this Timeless is, it's bad. I can tell by the look in your eyes."

"They shouldn't be any more than a dark legend. A story of caution for those who think time is something to play with." She took a deep breath, forcing away some of the dread just the name had brought up within her. "The Timeless were a race of people, a little like the Timelords, I think, but closer to human. They had just a single heart and weren't able to regenerate. They wanted only one thing, and put all of their vast resources into achieving it."

"And what was that?" Ianto asked quietly, watching her closely.

"They wanted immortality. To live forever. They believed there was a way to do this by existing outside of time."

"But that's impossible, isn't it? No one can live outside of time." Ianto didn't sound so sure of his own words.

"There is much about this universe that even the Timelords didn't understand. But one absolute certainty is that time is for all things. Backwards, forwards, sideways, and upside down. Time is everywhere and everything. There's no escaping it."

"So why were the Timeless so convinced they could do it?"

She shrugged. "Who really knows. Prophecy, madness, sheer stupid stubbornness. The why doesn't really matter anymore. The point is, The Timelords supposedly took care of them. It was one of many incidences that led to the Time War."

"Took care of them how?" By the wariness in Ianto's voice, it seemed he'd already guessed.

"The Timelords weren't exactly known for their mercy. When faced with a race of people who believed they could live outside the very essence of the Timelord's existence? Not to mention if they'd succeeded, they would have become powerful beyond even the Timelord's reach. They wiped them from the very fabric of time and space, of course. Erased any and all evidence of their existence."

"Well, I guess that's one way of doing things," Ianto replied slowly, as if having trouble comprehending that an entire race of people could be wiped out just like that. "But obviously it didn't work. Some escaped or something?"

"I don't know. Honestly, I'm having trouble with this, and I don't know if it's because I just can't believe it, or don't want to." Thousands of years of life, she'd faced Daleks and Cybermen and even threats from the Timelords themselves. But this—she had no idea what it meant if the Timeless really had returned "If even a handful of the Timeless are still out there, still trying to find a way to shift outside of time, then the entire stability of the universe is at risk."

"How so?"

"Some Timelords held the theory that if the Timeless achieved their goal and managed to separate themselves out of time, it could cause the very fabric of reality to collapse."

Ianto's eyes widened slightly. "I'm not even going to pretend I understand what would happen if the fabric of reality collapsed, but I'm going to assume it would be very bad."

"End of times, bad."

"Right, so let's try to make sure that doesn't happen." He dragged both hands over his face, like it was all too much to process. "So what are we going to do?"

She pushed straighter in the chair. "We aren't going to do anything. When I can, I'll make sure you can get out of here. You need to head back to the TARDIS and wait for me."

He turned in his chair to face her, expression becoming stubborn. "You brought me here because you needed my help. And it's not like I don't have any experience dealing with alien threats. I was one of the only people to survive the battle against the Cybermen at Canary Warf. I've faced Daleks and aliens who want to get high on children. You're not sidelining me."

She sat forward and braced her hands on her knees. "And what if you had to face all of those threats at once? Do you think you would survive that? The Timeless are more dangerous than anything else you've ever encountered. Anything that anyone has encountered. And no offense, Mr. Jones, but if I hadn't turned up when I did, you would have died from that virus the 456 released. Jack certainly thinks you're dead."

He shoved to his feet, making the chair tip over and clatter against the floor. "Do you really think I needed reminding? That's the last time you mention it, understand me? You've got no idea what it was like, no idea what it felt like lying there, suffocating in my own body while Jack begged me not to leave him. I thought it hurt when Lisa died. But this—The pain I felt at knowing it was my end, that Jack would go on living and in a few years, forget all about me. I thought heartbreak was just a saying, but it's true, you know. It felt like my heart was being torn out of my chest."

She stood and crossed over to him, emotion tightening the back of her throat. "Ianto, I'm so sorry. I won't say anything about it again. I promise."

He blinked, eyes damp as he glanced away. "You brought me here for a reason. So let me help you."

It was a bad idea. She could respect him wanting to fight alongside her, but the risk was immeasurable. She'd let a lot of people she'd cared about walk into dangerous situations over her long years. A lot of the time they came out fine, but sometimes they didn't. She'd already brought Ianto back from the brink of death once today, it seemed rather counterproductive to let him walk right back into it again.

"You're right. I did bring you here for a reason. But this wasn't it. You really think I want to go back and tell Jack how I saved you, only to get you killed?"

He gave a half-laugh, half-sob and then sniffed. "That was low. Of course I'm not going to argue with that."

"I know. I'd like to say I don't always stoop so low, but desperate times happen more often than you might think."

A rattle sounded on the other side of the door, like a lock being opened. She turned, keeping herself in front of him, feeling unaccountably protective of the gorgeous Welshman.

"No matter what happens, follow my lead. And for God's sake, whatever you do, don't die."

Read Chapter Six here

[trashmel]

4, 9 and 15 about Torchwood and Friend 😎

Thank you! :D It was fun. I might have written a lot, I’m sorry ;-;

Salty Ask List :)

4) Do you have a NoTP in your fandom? Are they a popular OTP?

Torchwood: I think every one knows it. Jack/Gwen(/Ianto), which has a good number of fans, I think. But not the majority, GLADLY.

Friends: Phoebe/Chandler is a big no for me, but they’re not that popular. Chandler/Rachel is more popular and I really, really don’t ship it. Like, it’s my second brotp of the show, so nope. (I don’t ship Joey/Chandler at all, but it doesn’t bother me as much as Chandler/Rachel) They have such brother/sister relationship for me and I love them, I just don’t want to imagine them together.

9) Most disliked character(s)? Why?

Torchwood: Gwen. Because of the writing. I could have freaking loved her, but they did shit, and the whole thing with Jack is unbearable (the more I watch it, the more I hate it) and it bothers me a great deal because she’s badass, but OH GOD HOW I HATE HER.

Friends: Ross, without a doubt. He’s a bad boyfriend (he got way too jealous with Rachel, to the point where it was ridiculous, and didn’t trust her the slightest, then he went on and fucked someone. Yeah, sure, dickhead.), I also hate that episode with the Barbie because let your son fucking play with what he wants. And sometimes, he’s not even a good friend (what I have in mind and will never really get passed, is when Chandler said that Kathy cheated on him (after she’d really had sex with that other guy) Ross’s first reaction is not empathy, it’s not trying to help or comfort him. It’s saying that “if she thought you were on a break...” just because the situation is like Rachel and his’ when they broke up. I know it was for comical purpose, but hey, they made the character say that, and I just hate that line.) And don’t get me started on being a bad brother, because, yes, Judy is an awful mother towards Monica, but Ross never tried to defend her either. He likes being mom’s favorite a tad too much. (If you wonder, I still like Ross, but yeah, he’s really not my fave.)

15) Unpopular opinion about the manga/show?

Torchwood: Honestly, I can’t think of something unpopular. I’m not the only one thinking Ianto should have glasses and would look hella good in them. Everyone I know says they like that Ianto gained weight in season 2 and I love it because it looks like he’s more healthy and fine. My fave episodes are pretty popular... Miracle Day is largely unpopular... Oh, but I don’t know people’s views on Oswald so let’s go with that: I freaking love Oswald because I thought he was a hella good character (of course, I’m against anything he does, he’s an awful human being, don’t get me wrong.) And, seriously? A pedophile being praised by crowds hits a little too close to reality nowadays (like, people praising despicable persons. If you know what I mean. You all know what I mean.)

Friends: I did not like the way Ross/Rachel ended. It took them way too long to get together, and WHAT THE FUCK??? She gives up her dream job in Paris just to be with him? Nope. I read a fic where she caught another flight after talking with Ross, saying she can’t give up her dream, and she spends 6 months working, then makes a deal to work from NY. It was a way better way to see the ending. But I really did not like the fact that she got off that freaking plane, giving up on her dream for Ross.

[sports-and-fandoms]

I’m yours. {Jack Harkness x reader x 10th Doctor}

Hello dear readers! Yes, I am indeed alive. I apologise, college’s been hell. Anyhow, here’s another request completed. @heaven-bound-angel this took waaaay longer to write than I thought it would!!! I sorta changed your request a bit tho, I hope you like it. 

Request: Yes. Let’s say you’ve been travelling with Jack Harkness to find the Doctor, and well you and Jack sort of developed a ‘thing’, but you two eventually find Ten, and it turns out that Ten develops a *huge* crush on the reader. You choose who wins ;)

Words: No idea.

Warning: Jack Harkness is a definite warning. So is 10 and some fluff. Maybe a little angst?? 

It was just another day at the Hub. Owen was being an ass, Gwen was talking with Tosh and Ianto was either in the tourist center or making everyone a nice cup of his infamous coffee. And then there was you. You were sitting at your desk and doing some incredibly boring paperwork. At least that’s what you told the others. In reality, you were working on a secret project. 

Secret project, you might ask. Well, Jack wanted to find the Doctor and you were helping him do so since you had some unresolved issues with the Timelord. You used to be one of his many companions. He showed you the universe and then, while you were visiting your family, he left you and disappeared. Saying that you were pissed was an understatement. You were beyond livid. How could he just leave you like that?! After all that you had experienced together, it was just cruel. And so, you decided to help Jack find the mad man with a box so you could give him a piece of your mind.  You had both been on the lookout for any TARDIS related activity. The Doctor had once told you that Cardiff was located on a rift between time and space, and everything that came out of it was what Torchwood took care of, and that he often came there to fuel up his ship. It was only a matter of time until he showed up. And so, you waited. Many days had passed and this common goal had lead to the formation of a closer friendship between you and the infamous immortal Captain. 

“DOCTOR!!!!”

“DOCTOR!! DON’T YOU DARE MOVE YOUR TIMELORD ASS OFF OF THIS BLOODY RIFT! DOCTOOOOR!”

“Come on Y/N, we gotta catch up to him.”

The day had finally come. He was here. He landed right on the rift. 

“Jack? Y/N? What… How…? What are you doing here?” 

While Jack greeted the Timelord with a hug, you just stood there and stared at him. 

“Y/N…” he breathed.

He approached you to give you a hug too. Just as he was about to wrap his arms around you, you just couldn’t stop yourself. You tried, but the need was stronger than anything you had ever felt. You slapped him. Hard. 

“That was for leaving me on Earth. You could have at least told me you were leaving! How could you do this to me? I trusted you and you just up and left Doctor!”

“… I’m sorry. I’m so so sorry.”

“Shut up Doctor. You just don’t bloody understand! How could you just leave me like that? I… I wanted to travel the universe with you and you just left. Not a single word, or note or ANYTHING! I’m not… I thought… You know what, never mind. It doesn’t matter anymore.”

“Will you just… can you just let me explain? Please.” 

“It doesn’t matter, I-”

“No Y/N. It does matter. You need to understand why I le-”

“I said no Doctor. It doesn’t matter. Jack was looking for you and I tagged along because I needed to do this for closure. I-”

“So you weren’t looking for me because you wanted to…?”

He had this sad frown on his. To be honest, you weren’t surprised. After all, the Doctor and you had once shared something… magical. Yes, you and the Timelord had once been in a sort of relationship. It was never really clear what you two were to each other, but kissing and feelings were involved. You had once thought that you two shared something special, clearly that was one sided. 

“No. At first maybe, but now I realise that it doesn’t change anything. I loved you and you deserted me.”

He looked at you with such a pain filled expression. 

It was heartbreaking. In the midst of all this, you hadn’t even realised that Jack had left the two of you to talk. You glanced around to find the immortal captain, he was standing a few paces away to give you both some privacy. He looked at you and smiled, you returned the gesture although it was weak. 

“You care for him?”

You turned back around to look at the brokenhearted alien.

“Hmm?”

“Jack, you care for him Y/N.”

You gave him a sad smile.

“I guess I do.”

You turned around and looked at Jack, he was on the phone. His expression had hardened and so you knew that it was Torchwood business. You knew that you would have to leave soon but you wanted to say goodbye to the Doctor before leaving. As you turned around, you heard the TARDIS take off. 

He had left, again. Except now, he had left you with something, someone, worth living for. Someone worth loving, and you’d be damned if you let this chance slip. 

“Hey Jack?” you shouted.

“Yeah?”

You walked over to him.

“You busy tonight?”

“No, why?”

You reached him and hugged the arm he had offered you. Gently resting your head on it. 

“Wanna go grab a couple of drinks?”

He smiled that irresistible smile.

“Sure. You know I’m always up for drinks with pretty ladies.”

You laughed and let him lead you into a new life. As long as you had Captain Jack Harkness and his Torchwood team, you knew you would be okay. 

[doctorwhonews]

The Lives of Captain Jack (Big Finish)

Latest Review: Written By: James Goss, Guy Adams Directed By: Scott Handcock Cast John Barrowman (Captain Jack Harkness), Russell Tovey (Midshipman Alonso Frame), Camille Coduri (Jackie Tyler), Sarah Douglas (Vortia Trear), Shvorne Marks (Silo Crook), Scott Haran (Malfi Pryn), Aaron Neil (Gorky Sax), Katy Manning (Mother Nothing), Ellie Heydon (Ginny), Jonny Green (Station Computer), Hannah Barker (Female Passenger), Conor Pelan (Male Passenger), Ellie Welch (Bay Guard), Kristy Philipps (Colby), Joe Wiltshire Smith (Pods), Sakuntala Ramanee (Maglin Shank), Kieran Bew (Krim Pollensa), Alexander Vlahos (The Stranger), Chris Allen, Christel Dee and James Goss (The Council) Producer James Goss Script Editor Scott Handcock Executive Producers Jason Haigh-Ellery and Nicholas Briggs Originally Released June 2017 Captain Jack Harkness has long had something of a split persona – two distinct characters in one. There’s “Doctor Who Jack,” who is sparky and cheeky and fun and whose notorious omnisexual nature never gets further than a ribald anecdote of a flirtatious ‘Hello.’ And then there’s “Torchwood Jack,” tortured and cynical, weighed down by his sins, and known to be found in the company of his butler, trousers around his ankles among the office’s potted plants. The obvious real world answer to that is as clear as the differing audiences between Saturday tea time and post-watershed midweek audiences, but in-universe it would seem that Jack actually feels more comfortable as a sidekick – happiest when the Doctor is around to shoulder the tough decisions and conscious that, when the Doctor is in the room, the world is such an ever slightly kinder place.So a slight question mark over The Lives of Captain Jack as to which Captain Jack, exactly, we were going to get. Ultimately the decision to label this not as a Torchwood release, despite half of it being set during Jack’s Torchwood days, but as being from “the Worlds of Doctor Who” was our clearest signpost.  Even when this boxset sees Jack at some of the lowest ebbs of his life, in the aftermath of sacrificing his own grandson’s life to save the world, or as he crashes out of the Time Agency, it never loses a sense of lightness or optimism. Wonderfully, though, one element of Torchwood present and correct is Jack’s magnificent theme, affectionately known by fans as “Here He Comes in a Ruddy Great Tractor,” and it’s in particularly fine form with the jaunty treatment it gets here.   The Year After I Died We open in the 200,101ad on an Earth that’s been in a hellish spiral for almost two centuries – first under the blobby heel of the Mighty Jagrafess, then the mad reality of the GameStation and now a desolate wasteland of displaced refugees left by the Daleks’ bombardment. Jack, trapped in this time and place for a year now, isn’t doing much of the rebuilding that the Doctor predicted he would. Instead he’s lost his mojo and has taken to living as a hermit in the wilderness. It takes a visit from plucky young reporter Silo (trying to jump start the journalistic tradition back into life all on her lonesome) to tease out exactly why. It’s a neat idea to give us a Jack that doesn’t yet know that he’s immortal but, having been dead just the once, didn’t like it much and is desperate to avoid repeating the experience. That’s why, initially, he’s prepared to do nothing more than warn Silo away from the Hope Foundation. Promising the starving masses of the Earth new life on her old colonies among the stars Jack can smell when something is too good to be true, but is too risk averse these days to do anything about it. But when Silo ignores his warnings and boards one of the departure ships she finds herself in a living nightmare and before you can say ‘Soylent Green’ realizes that the only asset Earth has left to strip is its people, one organ at a time. But will Jack really not come for her? The Year After I Died is a pretty light, swift footed story with no real twists or turns, but it’s a nice tale of Jack getting his groove back. It also has the small, sharp slice of satire traditional to these Satellite 5 stories– with the former wealthy elites of the ravaged Earth doing whatever it takes to stay on top, from their ivory tower on the former GameStation. That, as embodied by leader Vortia Trear (former Superman II villain Sarah Douglas on great form), they’re entitled, conceited morons, as inept as they are cruel, rather than dastardly cunning supervillains makes sense. After all these are the people the Daleks allowed to rise to the top in the belief they ran the planet while anyone smart enough to detect the guiding hand of the Emperor would have been done away with. But you are left wondering what the 21st century’s excuse is.   Wednesdays for Beginners Captain Jack. Jackie Tyler. A match made in Heaven or at very least a nice wine bar. If Wednesdays for Beginners disappoints at all, it’s simply because no meeting between these two giants of 00s Who could live up to the epic hilarity that lives in the fan hivemind. There is a great deal of spark and wit in the banter between two of Doctor Who’s most naturally charismatic performers, but it’s hampered a little by the exact choice of setting. Jackie is in her Love & Monsters phase of feeling somewhat abandoned and forgotten by Rose and the Doctor, while Jack is in the period between the murder/suicide of his old Torchwood team and his recruitment of the new one seen in the Torchwood TV series. It leads to them both being atypically glum in many of the scenes. Placing it pre-2005, with Jackie in full Mama Bear mode over a threat to her young child and not quite grasping alien involvement might have allowed for a little more lightness.In fairness, the setting is in service of the dramatic need to leave the characters different from where we found them. This Jack has had about enough of waiting for the Doctor and is actively staking out (or, as she puts it, “stalking,” though she seems mostly flattered) Jackie in order to force a meeting with him. By the end he’s accepted that what will be will be, and that he needs to rebuild his life in Cardiff until the universe bring the Doctor to him. Jackie’s arc is a bit of re-tread of Love & Monsters, with her ultimately affirming that, abandonment issues or not, the Doctor is under her protection and anyone who tries to come after him and Rose is in for a world of Mama Tyler hurt.The nature of the threat is left quite vague and technobabble heavy, mainly so that Jackie can cut through it all with basic instinct and common sense where Jack’s hard science and experience fails. There’s a lot to enjoy here, most especially the sheer joy of Camille Coduri’s brilliant performance, sounding like she’s never been away, while the counter-intuitive idea of the normally hyper-flirtatious Jack trying to keep an appropriately platonic distance from Rose’s mother (he rarely gets past the barrier of insisting on calling her “Mrs. Tyler”) is surprisingly sweet in execution.It may not live up to its full potential, but it’s still a fine investigation of what makes the two tick.   Some Enchanted Evening In contrast, the third episode is surprisingly upbeat and humourous considering its placement in the aftermath of Children of Earth. But once you put that incongruity aside, this is a riotous, over the top celebration of Jack at his most flirtatious, cheeky, and preposterous and therefore massive fun. It turns out that the Doctor didn’t arrange a cute meet for his former companion and Alonzo Frame (Russell Tovey), formerly of the Titanic, just so Jack could shag himself happy again but so that the two would be placed to team up to defend the space station from an imminent attack.That attack comes from a giant, carnivorous space beetle called Mother Nothing and her army of killer robots. Mother Nothing is performed as a spectacular grotesque by an almost unrecognizable Katy Manning, plainly having the time of her life in a role that puts subtlety in a cannon and fires it far, far away from the recording studio. She wants the universe’s largest diamond even though, being artificially grown, it’s worthless, simply because it’s so very shiny. Unfortunately, it’s also a vital component in the station’s power generator and removing it will kill hundreds, if not thousands, of innocent people so it’s up to Jack and Alonzo to stop her. Plus she keeps shovelling down handfuls of crew and passengers like popcorn, so there’s that too.The action conspires to separate our dynamic duo almost immediately, with Jack taking the fight to Mother Nothing while Alonzo tries to get the escape pods back online and evacuate the survivors. Rather than dulling their interaction, it amplifies it – their constant radio chatter being filled with humour, innuendo and a growing genuine affection. Barrowman and Tovey are both such charismatic leads that they make for a perfect pairing that, whisper it now, effortlessly eclipses Jack and Ianto as a couple. With a climax that involves Jack battling a giant insect as they swing from the world’s hugest glitterball, and an ending that leaves the listener laughing like a drain even as our heroes scream their mutual frustration, Some Enchanted Evening is perhaps the most definitively Captain Jack story in the boxset and almost worth the purchase by itself. Hopefully a sequel pops up sooner rather than later.   Month 25 One of the great unexplored subplots of Doctor Who is the mystery Jack’s missing two years. When we meet him, it’s what defines him – he’s a Time Agent turned con man, working to acquire leverage by any means necessary to force the Time Agency to restore the two year gap in his memory. Yet, short of a brief mention in the Torchwood episode “Adam”, it pretty much never comes up again – a casualty of a character bouncing from one creator to another and back again. Now, at last, the story can be told. Direct from the mind of Russell T Davies himself, and skillfully scripted by Guy Davies, Jack’s backstory here seems to delight in being not at all what you’d expect. Where most fans might have imagined that Jack had had a solid two year span of his life removed to conceal some posting or off the books undercover operation he’d been part of, instead it turns out to be a matter of a day here, a week there, and for reasons a bit more grandiose and villainous than perhaps we’d expected. It’s probably a smart move to avoid retreading a story people have already played over in their minds in favour of something fresher and wilder, but it doesn’t sit particularly well with Jack’s later actions on screen. I’m not really sure what Jack is trying to accomplish in The Empty Child anymore, though Month 25 does sort of make a stab at explaining why Jack later drops the mystery entirely.John Barrowman has tremendous fun as the younger Jack, or rather to give him his real name… well, you’ll just have to listen for yourself if you want the answer to that particular mystery. Even lustier, reckless and self-obsessed than when we first met him on TV he’s riotous company for this play’s hour long duration but would wear a bit thin if you had to deal with him every day (and indeed a recurring element of the play is how everyone in his office hates him). A light, over the top, sauna full of fun rather than a political thriller, Month 25 still manages to fill in a couple of gaps in Jack’s life in entertaining fashion, while providing John Barrowman with a showcase for his acting ability in an unexpected way.     As a pick’n’mix of slices of Jack’s life, this boxset successfully hits on all the different aspects of his surprisingly complicated and evolving character though often in unpredictable or surprising ways. And with its unbending Davies era style cheeky optimism it provides a nice counterpoint to the doom laden, if high quality, Torchwood range. Highly recommended.   http://reviews.doctorwhonews.net/2018/01/the_lives_of_captain_jack_big_finish.html?utm_source=dlvr.it&utm_medium=tumblr

[jbharrisauthor]

Episode 1 - Timing is Anything - Chapter Six

Read Chapter One here

Read Chapter Two here

Read Chapter Three here

Read Chapter Four here

Read Chapter Five here

Ianto clenched his fists as the door opened and five people stepped into the room; three men and two women, including the couple they’d met earlier who’d invited them to the ceremony.

Usually when he went out with Torchwood, he had a gun on him. Right now, he was wishing they had even one weapon between them to protect themselves against what had turned out to be a crazy drugged-out cult of people who liked to kill themselves.

The Doctor pulled out her sonic screwdriver and pointed it like a gun. What was she going to do, threaten to remove all the screws in the vicinity so their furniture fell apart next time they sat on it? Or did the device actually have a maim and/or kill setting he didn’t know about?

“Now, listen here you lot.” The Doctor’s announcement made the five of them pause at least. “Whatever you think is going on in this place with your happy-incense and your frankly stupid unification ceremonies, I’m telling you it’s not what you think. You’re being used by an ancient race who don’t care one whit about you.”

A few of the people exchanged glances, but it didn’t look like The Doctor was convincing them of anything.

“Think of the scariest thing you can imagine, and then multiply it by ten. That’s who is behind all this. If they’re coming because we destroyed their quantum laser, then the smartest thing you can do, the only thing you can do, is run as far and fast as you can.”

“Lies.” One of the women said. “Who sent you here to destroy us?”

“No one sent us.” Ianto shifted forward, closer to stand by The Doctor’s shoulder. “We came to help you.”

“You were right, Leon,” one of the men said. “He does look like Ianto Jones.”

“That’s because I am Ianto Jones.” Frustration rippled through him. He’d had enough of this situation.

These people didn’t have a clue about reality, and right now, they were the one thing standing between him and getting home to Jack.

“If you won’t listen to The Doctor, then listen to me. This ends now, this whole insane cult. Go home and find some other meaning in your life, because this is all emptiness. None of it is real. You’re puppets for something you can’t begin to understand. Hell, I don’t even understand it. But if the Doctor says run, then you should run. And hope to God whatever it is doesn’t ever catch up with you.”

The girl who’d tried to kiss him earlier drifted forward, eyes wide in awe. “Leon, it’s really him. It’s a miracle.”

“I’m not a miracle,” he snapped. He was weak, he’d made terrible mistakes, hurt the people he loved the most, once come so close to taking his own life, he still wasn’t sure how he’d survived the night. He was a fraud. The last person anyone should build a shrine to.

“I was brought here through technology, not by some mystical means. Now I’m telling you, let The Doctor and I go, and leave this place, before it’s too late for all of us.”

“It’s a trick,” Leon announced in a loud voice, obviously trying to convince the others. “Some kind of test of faith. He destroyed our unification altar. The real Ianto Jones wouldn’t have done that.”

A few of them murmured their agreements.

“The Enlightened Ones demanded cleansing for their crime,” Leon continued. “They will be immersed in the blessed waters, as we were instructed to do.”

Two of the men came forward and grabbed them.

“Immersed in water? That doesn’t sound so bad,” he said in a hopeful tone as their hands were bound in front of them.

“You did not just say that.” The Doctor cast him an unimpressed look. “It’s never just water, Ianto. Believe me.”

They were marched from the room, and this time when they reached the end of the corridor, instead of going up to the balcony, they took another door opening onto a set of steps going down, underground.

“See?” she told him in a chiding voice. “When they take you down to a cellar, it never ends well.”

He didn’t reply, but he did roll his eyes at her.

“Sass,” she muttered, except she sounded more amused about it than annoyed.

As they went further down, the atmosphere became humid, while a subtle sharp scent laced the air. The Doctor inhaled deeply, as if she was trying to figure out what she was smelling. By the time they reached the bottom where it opened into a natural stone cavern, he was pretty sure The Doctor had been right and the answer definitely wasn’t just water.

He stopped, apprehension tightening his stomach as his gaze fixed on the large central pool where a white vapour was drifting off the top of the liquid.

“Is that—”

“Acid,” she supplied with false cheer when he didn’t finish. “Natural acid springs.”

“Over here.” One the men who’d led them down the steps shuffled them to the side and then forced them to sit against the wall. “You will be silent while we prepare you for cleansing.”

“Like hell—” He started to get up again, but the guy punched him in the midsection, leaving him wheezing. He dropped back down next to The Doctor, stomach hurting.

She leaned into him as the man turned away to watch the others who’d gathered around the stone edge of the acid pool to light candles.

“I’ll get us out of this, okay? Just don’t draw any more attention to yourself.”

“So you have a plan?” His voice came out a little hoarse from the ache in his abdomen.

“Well, not exactly. But I usually figure something out.”

“Usually?”

She sent him an impatient frown. “I’m not perfect, I can’t always think of everything.”

He leaned his head back against the wall. “Now I know what Jack meant when he said if you ever turned up, it was sure to be a very bad day.”

She cut him an indignant look. “Excuse me, but I don’t think Captain Jack Harkness can talk. He makes plenty of his own trouble.”

“I prefer his kind of trouble,” he muttered, wishing Jack was here for the first time since he’d been dragged on this insane trip with The Doctor.

The people over by the acid springs lit up sticks of incense when they were finished with the candles, inhaling over them deeply.

“Fantastic,” he commented, heavy on the sarcasm. “They’re getting more high than they already were.”

“Which will probably make it easier for us to escape from them, since we’re not,” The Doctor shot back.

He’d forgotten about taking that capsule before they’d come in here. Lucky, or he would have been out of his head by now. “How long will that will last for?”

“Your guess is as good a mine.” The Doctor shrugged. “A few hours, or an entire day. I can’t say I’ve ever had to make anti-acid-trip medication before today.”

The girl who’d been so awestruck about him earlier drifted over, holding one of the incense sticks.

“Here, Hextor, you join the others, I’ll watch them.”

The young man smiled and took the incense from her, heading over to the three by the acid pools. He’d barely walked off when the girl came over and sat on his lap. And since he was tied up, there wasn’t a thing he could do about it. This just kept getting better.

“I can’t believe you’re really here.” She took his face between her hands. “Will you bless me?”

He jerked his head back from her grasp. “I told you before, I’m not anyone special. I’m just a guy from the 21st century who happens to make amazing coffee.”

“Amazing?” The Doctor interjected, scepticism clear in her voice.

“Yes, amazing. And I want to get back to making coffee in the 21st century.” He held up his bound hands in front of the girl. “So if you could just let me go?”

She frowned, not happy, but seemed to be considering it. “If I let you go, will you bless me?”

“Of course I bloody—”

The Doctor elbowed him, cutting off his words.

“He would love to. A bit hard to give someone a blessing with your hands tied up, isn’t it?”

“Oh, yes!” She shifted off his lap to kneel next to him. Thank God.

He held out his hands and let her tug the knots, but unfortunately her fingers weren’t exactly coordinated; no doubt from all the incense she’d inhaled. He kept glancing toward the others over by the acid pool, worried they were going to turn around any second now and see what was going on.

Once the rope was loose enough, he took over, unravelling it from around his wrists. He turned to The Doctor, but the girl grabbed his arm, almost pulling him off balance.

“My blessing?”

He glared at The Doctor. This had been her idea after all.

The Doctor motioned with her tied hands, clearly fighting a grin. “Go on, bless the poor girl.”

He couldn’t ever remember feeling more awkward about anything in his life, but he turned to the girl, no idea what to do or say.

“Um… I, Ianto Jones, bless thee—” He stopped since he didn’t know what her name was.

“Linlea,” the girl supplied eagerly.

“I bless thee Linlea. Now go on your way. In peace.” He waved his hands over her in a vague motion.

“And love?” she added hopefully.

“Peace and love. Now off you go.” He gave her a gentle nudge, not-so-subtly trying to get her to move faster.

Instead she grabbed his hand and kissed the backs of his knuckles. “Thank you. Oh, thank you!”

He extracted his hand from her grasp with a grimace, while behind him, it sounded suspiciously like The Doctor was trying to smother her laughter.

Finally, Linlea let him go and returned to the others, who were so high, they didn’t seem to notice that no one was guarding them any longer.

He untied the knots and tugged the rope free, and then helped The Doctor to her feet. She reached into her pocket and pulled out a key, holding it up for him.

“Here, take this.”

“What is it?” he asked as he took it in his fingers and then closed it into his fist.

“The key to the TARDIS. Run as fast as you can and don’t stop until you get back.”

“I’m not leaving without you.” Not after all this. He couldn’t leave her to face The Timeless on her own, not after the haunted look she’d gotten in her eyes when she’d talked about them. He knew that look, it was one he’d seen in the mirror occasionally. When the dark things inside you were so terrifying, even shedding the tiniest ray of light on them risked unravelling your mind.

“I’m not staying, believe me. But I promised I’d take down that shrine, and I don’t plan on breaking any of the promises I made you, Ianto Jones.”

He wanted to tell her not to worry about it, that they should just get back to the TARDIS and forget they’d even been here. But he didn’t think he’d be able to sleep at night when he got home, knowing the shrine was still out there somewhere.

“Let me help you. We’ll take it down together.”

She took his arm, and together they sidled along the wall until they reached the door. Once they hit the stairs, they ran, not worrying about being seen anymore.

At the top of the steps, The Doctor paused. “Go back to the TARDIS, Ianto. I’ll be right behind you.”

He hesitated, and she settled a firm look on him. “Don’t make me bring Jack into this.”

“Okay, okay.” He held up both hands in surrender. “But if you’re not in the TARDIS in ten minutes, I’m coming back here to find you.”

“Yes, sir, Mr. Jones.” She saluted him with a wide grin and the truth of it all hit him.

“You’re actually enjoying this, aren’t you?”

“You’re not?” she asked, a knowing spark in her eyes.

A few years ago, he would have replied with an emphatic no. He’d told Tosh once that he didn’t get it; the addiction to the adrenaline rush, the look the team all got on their faces when they went out in the field and stood up against danger and death. But after a few missions with Jack, he’d finally started to understand. So yes, it was insane and there’d been a few moments when he’d questioned whether they were going to get out of this mess in one piece. But, bloody hell, part of him did enjoy it.

“I’ll see you back at the TARDIS,” he told her instead of replying to her question.

She nodded and then hurried along the corridor toward his shrine room. When she’d disappeared, he checked the way was clear and started creeping quickly along hallway. He was almost to the main doors at the front of the building and thinking he was actually going to get out without being seen when a door on his left suddenly swung open and a man sauntered out into his path.

He skidded to a halt, unable to believe his eyes. No way.

“Well, hello there, eye-candy. Long time no see.”

Read Chapter Seven here

[jbharrisauthor]

Episode 1 - Timing is Anything - Chapter Seven

Read Chapter One here

Read Chapter Two here

Read Chapter Three here

Read Chapter Four here

Read Chapter Five here

Read Chapter Six here

The shrine room was empty when The Doctor slipped inside. Someone had been here since she and Ianto had tried to put some of the meta-images in chronological order, because all the ones they'd moved to the bottom of the wall had been returned to their previous places in the display.

She took out her sonic screwdriver and adjusted the setting, then aimed it at the wall. After a sustained burst, the holographic images all fizzed into nothingness, the liquid nano-chips that powered them all fried.

Satisfied with the destruction, she hurried across the corridor to Jack's room that Ianto hadn't seen, and repeated the procedure with her sonic screwdriver so there was nothing left. Possibly they still had archived Torchwood hub security footage somewhere around here, but she was hoping between the complete annihilation of the quantum laser and now the obliteration of their shrines, the people would decide starting over wasn't worth it.

She quickly left the temple and hurried back to the TARDIS, but when she arrived, it was locked up tight, no sign of Ianto. Just great. She'd managed to lose him in the whole ten minutes they'd been apart. Had the cult members recaptured him before he'd been able to sneak out of the temple? It was the only explanation that made sense.

"And back I go," she muttered to herself with a sigh, turning to retrace her steps.

When she returned to the temple, she made sure to keep herself out of sight, but it seemed apparent in the time she'd been gone, everyone had left.

She went down to the underground cavern to make sure Ianto hadn't been taken back there, but didn't find any sign of him. She really hoped it wasn't because he'd been dissolved into the acid springs.

Back up in the main part of the temple, she checked behind a few doors but didn't find even a single person she could ask.

"Where are you, Ianto Jones?" she muttered to herself as she checked yet another room and came up empty.

She went up the stairs, but instead of walking out to the balcony, detoured to the left, trying to find where that woman had disappeared to earlier; the one who'd officiated the unification ceremony and told them about the Timeless.

The next door she opened seemed to be some kind of office. She took out her sonic screwdriver and scanned, looking for any signs of advanced technology. The device picked up something in the bookcase. Heading over, she studied it, looking for anything out of place, then used the sonic screwdriver up close and personal. Ah-ha. Not on the bookcase. Behind it.

"So cliché." She shook her head, disappointed at the utter lack of imagination in hiding something behind a bookcase and expecting people not to find it.

When the bookcase swung away from the wall, she found a silver panel of blinking lights and buttons.

"Aren't you beautiful?" she murmured, studying the layout. The technology had been using the acid in the springs below as a power source for the quantum laser. There was also a communications array component to it.

"And just who have you been talking to?" She ran her sonic screwdriver over it and then checked the readings, but didn't get a clear idea of where the transmissions had been coming from or going to. She rubbed her hands together, loving the idea of taking this gorgeous little piece of technology apart to find the answer. "Guess I'll have to dig deeper."

Possibly she should have left it until she'd found Ianto. But he'd worked for Torchwood for years, and kept telling her how capable he was. She'd just choose to believe he could cope for another few minutes while she checked whether she could get any answers out of this control panel.

She ran her sonic screwdriver around the seam, looking for the point where she could remove the outer panel, but voices outside in the corridor made her pause. They were definitely getting closer. Quickly, she swung the bookcase closed again and then searched the room for a hiding spot. Unfortunately, her options were limited; the furniture was sparse and there weren't any curtains.

"Honestly, what kind of person doesn't have curtains?" She hurried over to a tall plant in the corner, ducking behind the fronds just as the door opened.

The woman from earlier walked in, followed by a man.

"Are you absolutely certain its him?" the man asked as they crossed the room.

"I'm telling you, he said he was Ianto Jones," the woman replied in an impatient tone as if she'd already said it several times before. "It looked just like him. And he said the woman with him was The Doctor."

"But they told us The Doctor was a man. How can a woman be The Doctor?"

"Maybe because gender is irrelevant," she muttered under her breath, leaning to the side slightly so she could see what they were doing.

They'd stopped in front of the bookcase and swung it open as she had a moment ago.

"I have no idea. But you know our standing instructions. If The Doctor, Ianto Jones or Jack Harkness ever found their way here, we had to tell them immediately."

"Then why the delay?" the man asked, watching as she accessed the control console.

"You misunderstand. I didn't delay in the least. I came in here and sent a transmission right away. Someone already arrived to take care of it. The silver chamber is open." She accessed the communications. "I'm just letting them know he's been successful in acquiring Ianto Jones."

Damn it, he had been recaptured. This time by someone the Timeless had sent.

"That's bad. Very, very bad," she mumbled, tightening her grip on the sonic screwdriver.

"What about The Doctor?" the man asked.

"Not essential. Ianto was the one they really wanted."

"Oh, come now." She stepped out from behind the plant, pointing her sonic screwdriver at the pair. "I wouldn't say I'm not essential. A bit harsh, really, since apparently I was the fool who brought Ianto into what was clearly a trap set for him."

"One of several throughout time and space," the woman replied, not seeming too concerned about their plans being discovered.

"Where is he?" she demanded, interjecting a cold note of ferocity into her voice.

"Being prepared in the silver chamber." The woman tilted her chin up, a challenge in her stare, like she considered herself invincible.

"More batty cult ceremonies? What is it with you people?" She shifted her aim with the sonic screwdriver and pointed it at the control console behind the pair, making it hiss, spark and flash, ending with a thin curl of blue smoke drifting up from it. "Next time, I won't be aiming for the equipment. Now tell me where he is."

The two of them exchanged a quick glance, and while the woman looked like she was ready to stubbornly take the answer to her grave, the man's expression was wavering. She closed the remaining distance between them and poked the sonic screwdriver into the middle of his chest.

"You. Out with it before I make your heart explode inside your chest."

A sweat broke out on his forehead. "Downstairs, through the courtyard, there's a storeroom, but it opens into some kind of silver-lined room. We were told never to go in there unless any of you turned up. The man they sent took Ianto in there."

She dropped her arm and sent the man a smile. "There now, that wasn't so hard, was it? And for the record, I wasn't really going to make your heart explode inside your chest. Because truthfully, it would have been more likely your heart exploded out of your chest and I can tell you, cleaning off aortic blood takes forever."

She stepped back and the man wilted a little, while the woman glared daggers at her like she wanted her to expire on the spot.

"It's too late," the woman said in a shrill voice. "They have a plan, the Timeless. A plan greater and more wondrous than any of us can comprehend. Ianto will play his part in that plan, as they have decreed."

"Seriously, you really smoked the pipe and bought the farm." She shook her head. "Here's an idea, maybe spend a little less time inhaling that incense."

"You can't stop them!"

The woman started to rush forward, but The Doctor ran out the door and yanked it shut behind her, using her sonic screwdriver to lock it.

A wave of apprehension washed over her as she hurried down the stairs. She'd known something was moving in the far, dark corners of the universe, getting ready to emerge, and that somehow Ianto had been part of it. Yet she could never have imagined it would turn out to be the Timeless.

And she'd played right into their hands. She'd gone back and saved him on the day he should have died, created a new reality, a new history, and then she'd brought him right to them.

Whatever plans the Timeless had, it seemed she'd just handed them the key. Somehow, she had to find a way to stop them. One that didn't involve Ianto being killed, because with her choice to save him, his life had now become her responsibility. If only she knew what they needed him for.

Read Chapter Eight here