#id rather die than show excitement in front of my mom. that would be the most embarrassing thing in the world actually.

[widevibratobitch]

mother asked to watch 'The Show With The Boat' with me tonight - unprompted(!).

and im being soooo good at acting all cool and casual about it like 'yeah lol sure. if you want. if you insist. its not like i care or something lmao 🙄😒😌'

[pyschopathnextdoor]

the fall. the weeknd.

maybe a couple weeks ago. i was on the fifth loop of trilogy of the day; or week; or month? i didn't really knew. what i knew was that it was the fifth consecutive. i wanted to figure the big picture; the ultimate story. it didn't even felt like fifth. i didn't even knew from when i was listening. the music was all i could see, hear, believe, follow. it was night time, around four; i don't remember i was sleeping or still listening; i had these moods/blackouts where i had no concept of time; it was one of them. all i remember is the fall playing.

i found myself in a dark room; but a mirror in front of me. i was sitting on a chair facing the mirror. beside me was a littlle table with some plastic bags and a phone. i looked around. nothing but darkness and a faint reflection in the mirror. i picked up my phone. the screen showed:

14 november; 11:59 pm.

it dawned. i looked at the reflection, he smiled back. it was him. the same version of myself from the dreams. still in the oversized t shirt and ripped jeans; eyes red as wine, smiled wicked as the joker. he smiled at me and the words "this is it; are you ready?" rang my head. this was it. the moment i had believed to be the perfect.

i picked up one of the plastic bags, it was ecstacy. i had read that a kid around sixteen could od with around five hundred mg of consumption. but looking at the number of pills, i was sure it was way more than a five hundred.

the perfect moment. i always stumbled across it. "is today a good day to die?" was the first line of all the bright places. i was already familiar with the notion of present never being or atleast felt, perfect. it's always the perception of the moment after it is passed which affects. so rather than a trigger, i decided i have to pick up the date and the way. so that atleast i go out the way i want. i looked him, looking at me with a strange look, waiting for me act or something. before i could think of any aftereffect or something, the clock struck twelve.

my phone started blowing up, the reason of me knowing it was twelve. i pondered. friend, friends; family, people. there would sure be repercussions. there sure would be disappointed; which won't be anything new but still. there would be shock. but there will be peace; the phone constantly ringing wasn't helping. i decided to skip the formalities and popped the first pill. it didnt felt anything in particular. i felt something pulling me, the thought of how my mum and would react. the only reaction, i honestly was worried about. i didn't cared about friends or aquaintances. as the foreplay, id already tried to build up to this moment. did everything i could so that death rather seemed an escape.

the effects started kicking in. i felt an uprising of happiness. the dark room didn't felt dark. no reason, but i felt free. i felt like i was on the top of the world. in the moment's rush, i popped up the rest of the pills in one go. i chocked but somehow engulfed. the show was on. the stage was set and the acts were done. now what was left was the inevitable result. every happy memory of mine came to life. even though i knew i was in a room barred with light and hope, i wasn't. i started reminiscing my most cherished moments; newest first. the day i realised i had a circle i didn't deserved. the days i went out with them; sometimes didn't fit, but i liked the feeling, the birthdays and the finite eight nine times i convened. i remembered the result day of my boards, the day i won a relay, the day my friends became my best friends, the last glimpse of her, the wierd saddening yet exciting sensation of my first confession, the times i spent playing cricket, the times i spent in my seventh and eighth grade; id die to relive, the first glance of her; the actual fall and finally, the only instance i remembered of my dad praising me; the result of grade one; where i topped all four sections.

i was busy trying to think of stuff, not having a clue what to think at the same time. i started feeling claustrophobic; as if my lungs were shrinking. i started sweating. but it didn't mattered; all i could see was my mom smiling from the back with my dad standing near the teacher talking. i was overwhelmed with the overwhelming euphoria. i was content. i felt complete. i felt like id got everything and didn't needed anything more. i just wanted to laugh at the top of my lungs for the rest of the life and still my happiness won't end. the smiling proud faces revolved around me and i was the happiest i had ever been; and i heard something. "that was the last time."

the me in the mirror looking me dead in the eyes and said it aloud and kept on repeating it. my ears rang, "last time" was all i could hear, but thier faces were all i saw. i felt like a failure. never after that moment was i able to make them feel that way, or better; myself that way. i was sweating excessively; my hands were shaking like someone tied them to a tree in a thunderstorm. even the dimmest of light making the reflection visible stung my eyes. i sat on the chair; staring right back into his eyes. "i did it, you'll be no more; we won't be no more." all i had to do was wait. wait until the system broke down; until the eternal peace was achieved. the world started shrinking, and the ringing "last time" turned into echoes. it was approaching.

i realised i was staring in a mirror. i looked around and it was my room. what was i doing? what just happened? i looked at myself and it dawned, the lack of sleep may not affect me; but sure do affect my brain. the last three or four months passed in a blur. some moments felt like they were stretched infinitely, while some weeks passed seeming it was only a day. id go to sleep one day and wake up a couple days later, while sometimes for multiple days, won't even consider sleeping. sometimes i felt like i was on the top of the world, could do anything; dreamed for a future not even worth dreaming, while at the same wanting to end it. was still confused? was this my first hallucination? or a dream? no sense of reality or the fiction. all i heard was "the peak ain't reached but the peak is all i feel." XO stayed with me.

[elizabethemerald]

Dreams of Drowning: Chap 2

AO3

Please remember to Reblog and Comment!

Claire. He can't pull her name from his mind. She can't be real. Can she? 

***

Jim worked quickly in the kitchen. He was still the lowest chef on the totem pole, though even since his first week one of the cooks who had been there longer had already quit. They would be hiring a new cook in a couple of days. No wonder he had been able to get hired here. The facility went through cooks at an astonishing rate. 

His weekend had been largely uneventful. He had no further dreams of the mysterious woman, but his thoughts still swirled around her. Who could she be? What could she want? What was she? 

That last question echoed the loudest. She had called herself Claire. Seemed like a regular enough human name for such an ethereal being. If he had been religious he would have sworn he just met god. Though he would be more than a little concerned that god tried to drown when he first met her. 

Jim’s line of thought paused as a sound kicked on. It sounded like a massive piece of machinery somewhere close. He placed a hand on the work table and sure enough he could feel the vibrations through that as well. He looked around at the other cooks. 

“Does anyone know what that sound is?” Jim asked. 

“What sound?” One of the cooks responded. He had been there the longest at five months. 

“This one.” Jim grabbed two glasses and set them on the table next to each other. The vibrations made them clink together rhythmically. 

“Oh that’s the pump turning on.” He said. “You get used to it. I hardly ever notice it anymore. No wonder it vibrates everything here, the pump room is just down the hall.”

“What on earth does a research facility like this need a pump that size for? Do we have a secret aquarium somewhere?” Jim and the cook laughed. Then Jim thought about his dream. “Or maybe its because of massive chamber filled with purple cloudy water?”

He laughed but the others grew still. The other cook, who had remained silent to this moment whirled, his face red with anger. 

“We don’t talk about that! We don’t ever talk about that!” The man shouted. Then he stormed out of the kitchen. Jim looked to the first chef but he had gone back to work and ignored him. Jim set about his own work, including covering for the man who stormed out. 

He couldn’t get this new thought out of his head. He wasn’t the only one who had these dreams? The other cook hadn’t mentioned seeing the woman though, had she only appeared in his dreams? Had other people been greeted by drowning as well?

These thoughts continued to rattle around his head as he prepared the chum. He had spent all weekend thinking up how best to change up the recipe with what he had available. This time it was going to actually have a taste that didn’t make a person want to gag and die. 

The cook who had stormed out never came back to the kitchen. And he didn’t show up the next day either. Or the rest of the week. The cook who had been there longer didn’t mention his absence. It seemed he was used to folks leaving and never returning. 

Jim kept a careful eye on the news for the next couple of days. He wanted to be sure the man didn’t drown in his sleep, but he never heard of the other cook again. 

Toby and Darci were having a special date night that Friday so Toby asked if they could move their drink night. Wednesday worked just as well as any other night for Jim and he was always happy to see his friend again.When Jim arrived his friend was bent over at one of the tables a jeweler’s glass in his eye as he looked at a rock sample. 

“Tobes! What have I told about bringing work to drinks night!” Jim said cheerfully as he walked up. He laughed even harder when Toby looked up the glass still in his eye, making one eye seem huge and the other squinty. 

“You told me not to lick rocks at the table!” Toby laughed and gestured to the open spot. “I was the one who had to tell you to stop cooking every time we hung out! Why do you think we meet at bars now rather than at one of houses!”

“What can I say, I love to cook!” Jim sat and waved to the bartender. Him and Toby were regulars the staff knew their prefered drinks. Toby removed the jeweler’s glass and set it and the rock he had been looking at aside. 

“Do you?” At first Jim thought Toby was joking, but his friend’s face was deadly serious. “I’ve heard nothing but you complain for the past couple of years about every cooking job you’ve had.”

“I just needed to find the right one.” Jim said with a laugh. He didn’t want to talk more about his work so he gestured to the rock. “What’s going on with this?”

Toby smiled at the waitress as she set down two drinks in front of them. Then gestured to small sample. “This continues to defy me. I’ve been a practicing field geologist for ten years. A hobbyist rock collecter for more than twenty. I can properly ID hundreds of minerals on sight. And I can’t figure this one out. I’m waiting on chemical analysis to come back but it continues to frustrate me that I can’t nail this one down.”

“It’s not uh, radioactive is it?” Jim said. 

“Nah. I’ve gotten in the habit of checking each sample as soon as the boss’s kid sets it down on my desk. A few too many have tested positive for my liking.”

“The boss’s kid? I don’t think I’ve seen him.”

“Massive brute of a man. No respect for the finer needs of a geologist. His name is Bular.” Toby paused for a moment. “Of course I call him a kid but he’s at least as old as I am. Though twice as much of a jerk. Always dresses in black leather like he’s in some kind of biker gang. I’m pretty sure he only has a job because his daddy owns the security company.”

“Huh, well I guess it’s for the best that I haven’t met him. I tend to piss that sort of person off. And then get either beaten up or shouted at.”

“Yeah like you and Steve from highschool! I swear he beat you up so many times!” Jim snorted and rolled his eyes. “Though did you hear he and Eli finally tied the knot? They went over to Vegas and got married by a guy in a martian costume!”

“Really? Good for them!” Jim and Toby laughed for a long time at that thought. Neither were surprised by either bit of news. The two had been pining for each since highschool. And Eli was a die hard conspiracy nut. What would Eli think of a giant woman who drowned people in their dreams? Jim sobered at that thought. 

“Uh, Tobes.” Toby picked up on the somber tone and focused closely. “Have you ever had a dream where you were sinking in purple water?”

“And I started drowning in it?” Jim’s jaw dropped as Toby supplied his exact next words. “Yeah. I had a dream like that.”

“What happened in your dream?” Jim asked. 

“Well I appeared in this dream, immediately felt like I was drowning. It was awful. I think I had only been at 49B for two days. Then in the dream you and Darci appeared. And Darci started drowning as well. I couldn’t just let her drown! She’s the girl of my dreams, I’ve loved for years and years. I tried to blow the last of the air in my lungs into her mouth. Then I could breath again, and woke up sputtering a few seconds later. Darci said I had sweat so much in my sleep I soaked the sheets!”

“Wow.” Just like in Jim’s first dream, Toby had seen his loved one and been spared because of how he treated her. But there was one detail missing from Toby’s dream. “Did you see anyone else?”

“Other than you and Darci? No. I’m a little surprised I didn’t see my Nana. But it was just my best friend and best girl.”

“Hmm. I had a similar dream my first week. It was you, Darci and my mom who I saw.I think a couple of the other cooks have had the same dreams.” He didn’t mention the mysterious woman in his dreams. 

“Yeah, they don’t talk about it much, but everyone who works at 49B has them.”

“Wha-what? Why do you think that is?” Jim leaned forward with an air of conspiracy. Was there something more to these dreams?

“Micro vibrations caused by all the machinery in the building.” Jim’s mystified look must have shown on his face because Toby elaborated. “Humanity’s ancient ancestors were cave dwellers. Micro vibrations are cause by two objects moving against each other, which could be a sign of a possible cave in. The vibrations cause paranoia, irritation and fear. Most likely projecting as fear of our loved ones getting hurt. Once you get used to it your body ignores it. I’m not surprised the cooks get it the worst. There’s a lot of machinery down there. I work next to the head researcher’s office. So everything up here is more insulated.”

“Huh. Micro vibrations.” That...made sense. Toby certainly knew more about science than Jim did. Especially any science that didn’t relate directly to cooking. Then could Claire be a projection of his longing for a relationship? The rest of drinks night passed quickly as Jim retreated into his thoughts. 

Jim took a deep breath in the kitchen. The lunch rush was over. The kitchen stocked the cafeteria that all the researchers and security personnel used. Unfortunately the cooks were currently down two staff, so keeping up with the demand had been exhausting. It was time for his own lunch now. 

He checked his phone. Oh, a new text message from his mom. ‘I have great news. Call me when you can :)’ Jim stepped out of the kitchen and hit the call button. After a few seconds she answered. 

“Hey mom! What’s up?”

“Hi baby. I have the best news! Guess what it is!”

“Uh… I’m going to have a baby brother?”

“Jim.” His mom did not sound amused. “Do I have to explain to you how that’s not possible?”

“Please do not. Sorry, Toby and Darci are trying for a kid and he was telling me all about it. What is the good news?”

Jim could tell his mom was struggling with deciding between continuing her guessing game and just telling him the news. Her excitement won out. 

“Zelda got us tickets to go on a trip for our anniversary! We fly out tomorrow morning!”

“Oh my goodness. How fun!”

“Yeah she was so sneaky about it. She even contacted my work to arrange for the time off. She’s so good at surprises, I love her so much. And I get to spend an entire week in France with her!”

“That’s great. Do you need someone to drive you to the airport?”

“No, Zelda’s friend Walter will be driving us.”

“You mean your ex boyfriend Walter?” Jim said with a slight chuckle. His mom huffed. 

“No I prefer to think of him as Zelda’s friend.”

“Well have an amazing time mom! Call me when you get there so I know you’re safe.”

“Thanks Baby, I love you so much!”

And she was gone. Jim laughed quietly and walked back to the kitchen. He was glad his mom and Mr. Strickler had broken up. It would have been too awkward to work alongside his father-in-law during his brief tenure teaching his high school’s home ec class. 

Though he would miss his mom. He was a little sad that he wouldn’t get the chance to say goodbye in person before she left for her trip. 

That night he dreamed of Her again. 

As soon as he opened his eyes he knew he was under water again. He could feel it’s weight pressing down on him and all the small swirls and eddies in the flow around him, moving his hair and arms. 

Claire was in front of him again. Her purple skin glowed and was almost translucent. He could only look up at her in awe. It was hard for him to think about things like Micro Vibrations when she was here in front of him. She looked at him curiously. Her head tilting this way and that. 

She reached a hand as large as his whole body towards him. It was stopped by thick chains on her wrists. Jim had noticed the chains during his first dream of her. If this really was a projection of his anxieties then he was really worried about the state of his psyche. Claire gestured and the current in the water pushed him close enough that she could press a finger tip as large as his whole face against his forehead. 

Jim looked around in confusion. He was in what looked to be the Arcadia airport. He had only been there a few times but recognized it vaguely. There in front of him was none other than his mom. 

Barbara Lake struggled under the weight of a massive amount of luggage. The suitcase was taller than she was and kept popping open throwing her stuff around the airport. People were staring and laughing at her as she stumbled around trying to gather all her clothes and shove it back into the suitcase. 

Jim stepped forward and the laughter stilled. He walked to his mom and helped her pack her things. When everything was packed he took some of the bags and his mom took the rest. 

“Nervous about the flight tomorrow?” Jim asked his mom as they walked through the airport together. 

“Yes I just…” His mom hesitated. “I haven’t gone on a trip like this in years. Not since before your father left. What if something goes wrong?”

“If something goes wrong, you two will deal with it. Together. Just like you’ve dealt with every other problem together.” He set the bags he was carrying down and watched them vanish into the floor. Then he hugged his mom close. “Ms. Nomura has always taken good care of you. That’s not going to stop now that she’s Mrs. Lake-Nomura.”

Jim gestured forward. His mom’s wife was waiting at the gate. Zelda had a bag and two tickets in her hand and was looking around. Barbara pulled away towards her. She turned back to face him again. 

“I’m glad I got to say goodbye to you!” Jim said. “I love you mom.”

Barbara ran forward leaving the rest of her luggage behind. Zelda got his mom in her arms and twirled her around. Jim smiled. 

“Let’s give them some privacy shall we?” 

Jim turned away from their embrace to face Claire again. The purple water eddied around them stirring up her hair. Her pure white eyes were almost blinding in their brilliance. 

“Thank you. For letting me see her off.” Jim said. He couldn’t tell if he said it out loud or in his mind. But She seemed to understand. She smiled at him. The smile made her eyes seem softer. He was lost in her smile. She was everything amazing and wonderful in the world and he knew in that instant that he would do anything he could to keep her smiling. To make her smile again and again. He was in love. 

She giggled, an impressive sound considering her size. She tossed her head back in forth causing her hair to wave wildly around. She pressed a hand to her face then blew him a kiss. 

Jim woke up gasping. His hair was wet like he had just gotten out of the shower. And there was the taste of the sea on his lips. Claire. He can't pull her name from his mind. She can't be real. Can she?

I’d love your comments or questions about this AU. It’s such a fun one to write. 

[merlinthoughts]

Season 1 Episode 4 - The Poisoned Chalice

- god fucking dammit here we go again, i'm bloody done with my life and do not, at all, want to see merlin die bc i don't remember anything except that, yeah, he dies and someone has to get off their ass and save the motherfucking day and kiss him

- i realise how much i swear in these posts bc 1. when do i not? 2. i'm emotionally invested 3. i have no other excuse i just like swearing

- AAAND NIMUEHS IN CAMELOT SHE THINKS SHE'S SO SLY WITH HER HEAD THING

- id recognise her in a split second tbfh, she aint subtle

- *heterosexual tension*

- merlins skin be looking so smooth this episode, this boy be wearing lots of Dove

- he looked so excited to be in the banquet, then arthur just fucking slashes him with “not quite” and his hopes and dreams are destroyed

- “wanna see what you’ll be wearing tonight?” arthur says as he's behind the fucking changing curtains, about to get undressed and show merlin his birthday suit

- i honest to god thought that was where he was going, but no, he was just getting something from behind it

- “tonight you’ll be wearing the official ceremonial robes of the servants of camelot” IT'S A FUCKING DRESS ISN'T IT

- aw damn id have preferred a dress

- that smile shared between them was the most adorable scene

- god

- i

- fucking

- love

- their

- smiles 

- sm

- best thing ive ever seen

- i mean… hunty look at that piece of glistening butter beauty

- wow ok back to the episode:

- bros being bros and giving each other a handshake to destroy the mortal enemy pack and put together a family, we stan.

- as if a servant who has only had eye sex with another servant ONCE would trust them enough to say that one of the chalices were poisoned. like??? “ur the only one i could tell” LMAO NO?

- she's a sly fucking dog tfbh

- “if he kills arthur, uthers soul will be broken and camelot will fall” at this rate uther prob wouldn't care if his son dies or not, look at him, he's already mentally broken. he has anxiety and paranoia over magic. child services where u at in the medieval ages?

- i wouldn't believe a word she said, or well, id have believed it was poisoned but id say yeah no damn way you aren't in on it if you know which one it is. bayard wouldn't tell a fucking servant.

- HE'S GONNA SNAP ISN'T HE

- MERLIN FUCKING SNAPPED

- yknow what we say here folks? U DO U MERLIN

- okay i was fine if uther made bayard drink it but like the moment uther said “mmmh… no.” and slowly turned to merlin i think my arteries just crunched together and died so

- “if it is poisoned, he’ll die” HE'S FUCKING SCARED MERLIN WILL PASS AWAY ISN'T HE?

- “it's fine” he says, then starts to fucking choke

- ah fuck he's down

- my boy is down

- FUCK ME SIDEWAYS WITH A CHAINSAW

- ARTHUR CROUCHES NEXT TO HIM LIKE “BB NO”

- lmfao bayard looks so shocked, his face is in disbelief and confusion, he's like who tf done me bad

- arthurs carrying merlin fireman style this is what i live for folks

- did like nobody notice the flower stuck on the inside of the cup? like honestly if you take a sip you’d kinda spot it or perhaps even the person pouring the drinks would have been “is this chamomile tea? no? then what the fuckery-doo is this leaf in here for?” yknow. it's like that scene in Matilda when the angry buff lady completely missed a fucking salamander in her cup when it was the size of her bloody hand. it brings out the same mood honestly

- does gaius have an index for these books or does he just have every page memorised and know exactly what page to go bc I FUCKING NEED THAT it would make bio so much easier if i knew what page it was on instead of looking back and forth from the homework sheet to my textbook, then closing it by accident and having to find the index again for that specific page i need

- arthur wants to fucking go on a life-or-death journey to save merlin i've never been so happy

- this is honestly my favourite episode, like it may be really fucking angsty but i love it so much

- arthur betrays his dad and leaves his room even after being told not to just so he can save a servants life is literally my new moto

- NO IT WON'T LOAD MY NETFLIX IS STUCK ON 99%

- okay so while i'm waiting for my shit to load, i just discovered the new fucking tumblr rule starting dec 17 and i'm like 0.2 inches away from just spamming NSFW pics on here just for laughs

- like hunty, that won't stop people from posting elsewhere or for thinking about sex bc like??? whatchu gonna do tumblr?? get the fbi to erase it from our minds

- i think nOT thot

- watch me get flagged for just using the fucking term “NSFW”

- i'm gonna end up asterisking everything (is asterisking a word? wow it has red under it so like probably not but i just added it to my dictionary so uhh it is now)

- by asterisking i dont mean furry kin shit ew no

- i mean like N*FW, s*x, t*mblr, m*rthur

- god it took me like 20 minutes to calibrate my fucking wifi and fix the connection problem

- wow the stage for the poison increased by 75% in 30 mins, damn

- merlins like like having a conniption on his bed lmao, chanting arthurs name and sweating lot

- do we ever find out how uther gets that scar bc i'm like 100% positive arthur was a little child and swayed his fucking sword too hard just as uther rounded the corner. the sword then collided into his fucking brain and destroyed a good part of his intelligence, targeting especially his morals on how to accept people and how to be a good father

- that’s my theory

- merlin starts talking enchantments in his sleep while gwens watching, and gaius is just there like wtf merlin ur blowing ur cover “oh! gwen!! uhhh sorry. he’s just... in a latin study group in his pastime and has an oral presentation in minutes”

- omg, nimueh, stfu

- i didn't know dinosaurs existed back then, this reptile be whack

- y’know what's funny? ppl thinking dinosaurs didn’t exist. i find creationism very very very intriguing bc how fucking stupid could you be

- that sword throw was faker than my moms tits

- arthur could have done better

- k but like what if merlin’s hand wasn’t under the covers? like he was just throwing that blue ball around right in front of gwen

- can arthur like not hear her? nimuehs literally enchanting the rocks right behind his ear lobes and arthur acts nothing of it until those said rocks collapse and he gasps and suddenly he realises shes evil

- also his fucking hair in this scene looks glorious. perhaps bc it's pushed back rather than his bowl cut, but its doing things to my abdomen

- i thought for a second she was pulling off her mask to say “nimueh” and arthur was gasping bc he only recognised her after her hair was shown, just like in that scene with joker and harvey in the hospital

- OH RIGHT THE SPIDERS I LIKE COMPLETELY FORGOT ABOUT THOSE SONS OF A GUNS

- i’d be dead if those spiders came crawling up to eat me lmfao

- k so nimueh went from :) to >:D in half a second

- i'm smelling up those symbolisms, boys

- watch out pals cause here are some of them:

- merlin is the LIGHT of arthur’s life

- he LIGHTS up the party

- he gives arthur a BRIGHTER future

- he's the GUIDE for his path

- hahhahahaha

- i'm serious when i say i have a huge fear of insects (spiders count in that too, no discrimination) so i'm just putting that there, saying to yall id be fucking terrified

- gaius would be so confused, like we don't see his face here but merlins close-up sweaty concentrated frown, but he’s literally just screaming “ARTHUR!!” “FASTERRR!!” “YESS!!” “CLIMB!!!” gaius would be looking like he walked into something he wasn't supposed to. prob thinking he should just let the kid die so he doesn’t have to deal with this shit anymore

- UTHER LOCKED HIS SON AWAY I'M FUCKING QUESTIONING HIS PARENTING SKILLS

- that's grounding???? throwing ur child in prison???

- yes 999 can i have child services on his ass

- gwens so smart honestly i love her

- pretending to be a maiden for the food, god what a queen

- arthur buying it and saying “yuck you say this is food?! disgustang!”

- the fact that i misspelled disgusting but it autocorrected to disgustang (which is originally what i wanted but autocorrect shouldn’t have known) makes me consider if i should really check my dictionary…. who knows what words are on there

- they’re so smart

- and then this fucker ruins it all while eating his food, checking her out and saying yeah arthurs a prick, hyuck hyuck, realising only that wait fuck u aint the maiden

- how’d they know GWEN was the one not supposed to have delivered the food, what if it was that chick right there???

- welll….. maybe it's because gwen took her sweet time up those steps, staring as if she couldn’t blink at the guards below

- i forget what happens at the end of this episode besides the kiss, and there's like 9 minutes left my fingers may rot at this point

- wake him up! wake him up!

- OH WAIT HE DOESN'T FUCKING WAKE UP DOES HE AND EVERYONE PANICS

- YEAH OKAY I'M SEEING THAT NOW

- MERLIN STOPPED BREATHING

- LMAO GWEN IS IN TEARS

- “HE'S DEAD” SHE SAYS

- ARTHUR BB COME IN HERE TO KISS UR HUBBY ALIVE

- OH WAIT UR IN FUCKING PRISON

- WAIT UP, HE'S ALIVE AND SHE KISSES HIM AFTERWARDS????

- FUCK ME I THOUGHT FOR THE WHOLE EPISODE THE KISS HAPPENED BC HE COULDN'T WAKE UP THAT'S FUCKING WITH ME I DIDN'T KNOW

- i keep forgetting to switch up the cap locks, sorry if it seems im screaming im legit using my inside voice for most of the time just emphasizing my words a little more

- goddamn, everytime they say mercia i just think of “murica”, like those americans on the 7th of july or whatever date the “we love our country” day is, chanting it as they throw around beers and fireworks as people gather round in jerseys or crop tops

- it's not that hard to spot the european on here

- the most celebrated holiday here which contains a lot of beers and big pub gatherings (besides every fucking night honestly) is either new years, lowkey stereotypically correct saint patricks, and ig easter monday but that's more for the kiddos

- i mean ofc christmas and all that shit but im not the most devoted christian, i just like presents and small gatherings among good friends

- wow okay it wasn't the 7th of july

- i mean at first i looked up “USA day” (i couldn’t remember the name) and it popped up today’s date, and i was like no thats not it at all. dec?? its in like july i think. and i was close! it was july 4th.

- uther damn knows it's nimueh!!!

- i mean, he just overheard morgana and arthur talk about it, and initiated himself into a convo about it once morgana left, as his sneaky ass just slithered up like “hey man, u know that woman? yeah uhh, what she say? anything about me? no? k i know who it is tho”

- i thought he was going to apologize or like explain to arthur what's the sitch, but he just waits for five whole seconds before saying. “those who practice magic know only evil. they despise and seek to destroy goodness wherever they find it.”

- arthur, confused: sounds as if you know her

- uther, walking away: i do

- arthur:

- wow k lots of fucking quotes here cause it's the merthur reunion

- get ready babs

- arthur: still alive then?

- merlin: oh yes, just about… i understand i have you to thank for that

- arthur, leaning on the chair merlin is sitting in, stifling a smile: ah it's nothing, a half-decent servant is hard to come by. i was only dropping by to make sure you’re alright… i.... expect you to be back to work tomorrow

- merlin, watching arthur as he slightly walks away having embarrassed himself: arthur... thank you

- arthur, slowly: you too

- they stare for like 5 whole seconds

- arthur, uncomfortable: well… get some rest

- there we go folks: my eulogy.

- hope someone reads it at my funeral

[moongirl332]

VOLTRON SEASON 7

SPOILERS

heres my crazy ramblings while watching this season 

EPISODE ONE- James sounds EXACTLY like lance

Soft mom looks at keef

Same romelle

Coran yet again being the vodka uncle

ALFOR AND CORAN WRANGLED YELMORS???? TOGETHER????

“Are all ancient alteans like this?’ “We only know two”

HOney I shRuNk TeAm VoLtRoN

“Quiznacker”

BBY HUNK

BBY LANCE!!!

Everyone being mad at keef

YEESSSS LANCE MY BOI SAVED EVERYONE

WHERE. IS. HIS. SWORD.

OOf dArEdEvIL sHiRo in thoosseee glasseesss

“ Me and my POP” POP????? POP????

Aww his dad was a firefighter

Noooo shiros deasise nooo

AWWW HUNK AND ROMELLE

“Hunks our only hope” yayaaaaayyy

NO SHIRO PLEASE

Also Mr. Holt? With that guy hair??

aDaM

ADAM

A D A M

DONT DO MY HUNK LIKE THAT HOW DARE

This episode is just like “I wonder if hunk and lance are having as good a time as us”  “*SCREAMING*”

Coran just straight up snowboarding down the yelmors back

“Oh quiznack” “my back”

Keith and shiro just DONE with the rest of the team like hunny you just put your soul into your clones body

EPISODE TWO- SAD PIDGE NO

Hunk trying to impress romelle <3 <3 <3

Also why does shirts metal half arm look HUGE??

EVERYONE MISSES THEIR FAMIILLLYY

“Finger counting, its more of an art than a science really.”

“But im terrible at drawing” lol aww allura

AWW LANCE DECIDING THESE THING LOOOLL

I LOVE coran

Aww romelle

“Their my selfies”

“Because he’s lonely”

Pidge not caring and just playing video games

“Oh yeah he’s us super drolly.”

PIDGE

OOF STRONK ALLURA

THE WOLF TOOK CORAN?? AHAAHHA

WHAT IS THE WOLF DOING??

NOO LOTOR YOU JERK

“WERE GETTING OUR QUIZNACKS HANDED TO US”

Wait they can’t form Voltron no

“They’re corralling us like space cattle!”

AWW KEITH AND LANCE WORKING TOGETHER

“Rodger that team leader”

K L A N C E

Keith and his knife mommy

YES HUNKS BLASTER

My gfs yeeess

NO THE WOLF

OOF LOTORS GENERALS MY BABES

EPISODE THREE-WAIT THEY GOT THE LIONS

NO

Her eye??

Same lance stop embarrassing yourself in front of your bfs mom

No coran can do it I believe in him!!!!!

CORAN NARRATING HIS ADVENTURES SSSAMMEEE

THE MICE

THE WOLF NO

Go CORAN!!

Oof that guard tho

CORAN LOOKING HOT

MY BABES THEIR OUTFITS AWWW

AWWW EZOR AND HER GF ZETHRID

OMG AXCA WHAT

“Because the power of teamwork?”

Lol axca and coran

NO NOT PIDGE

YEES PROTECT PIDGE

Oof axca

WAIT coran CAN change his shape and size????

GO MICE GO MICE GO MICE

PROTECT PIDGE O R  E L S E

MICE!!!

Keith and lance carrying coran the way they carried shiro <3 <3 <3

“She’s always been sweet on that one with the flippity hair” KEITH???

KEITH TRASPORTED HIS BAYYARD??? WHAT

“Lance lead the way” KLANCE IS CANNON KING

Lance is so worried ab his bf but he’s such a good leader awww

WHERE. IS. HIS. SWORD.

“Guess it is true love” what is their relationship???

“Cant we just fight” keef lol he’s so gay and angry

Black saving keef

THREE YEARS????????

KEITH AND AXCA???? What are they???

EPISODE FOUR- YEEESSS GARFUL WARUL SNICK

OOF LANCE SO HOT

OMG KEEF LOL

Uh oh this is bad

Why does it keep glitching?

MY PINEAPPLE BOI

Allura raising  her hand

Go hunk!

KEITH IS TRYING SO HARD

Lance please. No. stop.

“Hello bob” “this is my lovely wife haggar”

Lol this fake zarkon is meee lol

“Id rather stay their lions than their points”

“She does look like that drawing”

Their poses lol

“Windy cave?’

OMG I LOVE FAKE GALRA

LANCE IS NOT DUMB FIGHT ME

NO HUNNY YOYR NOT THE DUB ONE

Lol that earth shop alien dude

YOU A R E  N O T  T H E  D U M B  O N E  L A N C E

“Do we believe this beautiful dum dum?’ He is beautiful but he’s NOT DUMB

OML lance please you’re trying your best!!!

“Go galra Go galra Go galra” ahaha

“You know Im the dumb one” NO YOURE NOT

Ahaha zarkons team

GO LANCE!!!!!!!!!

NOO LANCE

Go PIDGE!!!

Its just mINI GOLF

Oof good try pidge

Aww hunk and allura

LANCE VOTED FOR KEITH AND KEITH VOTED FOR LANCE AAAAHHHH KLANCE IS CANNON KING

“Aw thanks man” AWWWWW

AWW PIDGE AND HUNK

AWWWWWWWWW

YAY THEY WON!!!!!!!!

KEEF SOFT SMILES AAAAAAAAAWWWWWWWW

CORAN HAS HEARD BOB

Aww bob

EPISODE FIVE-PIDGES NIGHTMARE LOL

Omg they all sleep so weird lol

“I guess that does make you an expert on killing time” LOL SHIRROOO

“Like mother like son”

SAME HUNK LOL

GO LANCE

Hunk making everyone burritos same

YEES NAME HIM KOSMO

Aww lances meemaw

“These big bohs get comedy”

Who is the hooded man(or woman idk)

Good dog

“Disgusting is altean for lovely. You don’t speak altean do you?’

haggar is dead???

NO NOT THE BLADES

The druids can fight me I swear

Aw krolia no

Wait kolivans alive!!!!

OH MY GOD WHAT

WAIT WHAT

THE DUDE WAS THE DRUIS THAT FOUGHT KEITH

WHERE.IS. LANCES. SWORD.

KEEFS WOLF

Wait are they stuck?? What???

FIGHT HIM KEEF

GO ALLURA YEESSS

KOLIVAN NO

yes allura get it

DONT HURT HER NO

Get him Keith

YEESS DESTROYED

“Good job Keith” KLANCE IS CANNON KING

Nooooo all the alteans are all gone

Awww krolia and kolivan

Awww KEITH AND HIS MOOOMM

HUGS

I LOVE YOU TOO KROLIA

EPISODE SIX-lol pidge “ITS ONE AND A HALF EARTH YEARS”

Lance is ready to die lol

YES HUNK YOUR PUNS YES

OML SHIRO STOPP lol

Awww Keith was excited ab his flight formation exercises

Angry wolf boi

KLANCE IS CA N N O N  K I N G

Lance is READY to die lol

“Told you lance would go crazy first”

NOO MY BBYS ARE TIRED AND SAD NOO

No hunk please no

“No I think time is different for me. Like im on dog years or something”

Woah Keith chill

Uh oh, is Keith going crazy???

Go lance, be a leader

SHUT UP KEITH WHY ARE YOU BEING SO EMO???

Uh oh THEYRE FIGHTING

GO HUNK

NO KEITH STOP EARTH??? E A R T H ? ? ?

No wait, what if its a mirage

IT IS A MIRAGE

GO HUNK

LISTEN TO HUNK

GO HUNK

Omg what is that

HUNKKK I LOVE YOU YOURE SO IMPORTANT HHHUUUUNNNKKK

Aww Keith

Wow its a good thing these spacesuits have jetpacks and literally unlimited power

YAY RED THE LIONS!!!

V O T R O N ! ! !

KEITH AND LANCE PUT THEIR BAYARDS IN AT THE SAME TIME KLANCE IS CANNON KING

Look at DEM WINGS

EARTH??? REAL EARTH?? THE Milky Way????? YEEEEESSSSSSSS

EPISODE 7 + 8 - EARTH YAY

OH NO

Earth is under attack

NOO

Flashback?

SSSAAAMMMSSSS WIIIFFFEE!!! AWWWWW

AWW

OOF GO COLLEEN YEESS

AWW KAITE Voltron Voltron Voltron

EEEWWW ITS JAMES

Ohh cool ships

GROSS JAMES MATT!!!!!!!!

This garrison girl is a jerk ugh

YEEESS COLLEN TELL THE WORLD GO GIRL

OK I DONT LIKE HIM BUT TBH JAMES IS HOOOTT

AWWWW THE FAMILY VIDEOS

CRYING

UGLY SOBBING

DONT LOCK MY HOLTS UP NO

NOO THE GALRA ARE HERE

Ok its fine they have a particle barrier its gonna be fine right?hahah? Fine? Hahah?

Ugh stuPID SENDAK

NOOOO

I HATE THIS GARRISON LADY UGH

A D A M

ADAM

A D A M

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAADDAM

OMG IT WAS ADAM

A D A M

PLEASE DONT LET ADAM DIE

A D A M

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO ADAM

DONT BE DEAD

ADAM

UGH JAMES

SENDAK NO YOU JERK

NO EVERYONES DYING

YEEEESS SAM HOLT

HE SAID QUIZNAK OML

WORLD WAR 3 WHAT?

OK VERONICA WHAT A BADA**

SAME I LOVE VERONICA

JAMES SUCKS

WHY IS JAMES ALSO AN EMO LOL

YEEES VERONIA GOOOO

NOOO VERONCA NOOOOO

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

V E R O N I C A

WAIT

WASNT VERONICA LANCES SISTERS NAME???? WAS THAT HER? IS SHE DEAD? PLEASE NO?NOOOOOOOO

VERONICAS ALIVE THANK GOD

OMG I LOVE HER AGH  SHE IS LANCES SISTER

AAAAGGGGGHHHHH I LOVE HER

Her jacket looks like lances lol

ugh sedak u gross

YEEESSS AAAAGGGHHH VOLTRON WILL SAVE THEM

“Well what are we waiting for” you’ve Sid that three times Keith lol

EPISODE NINE-

GO VOLTRON SAVE UUUUUSSSSS AAAAAAAAALLLLLLLLLLLL

What are those space Frisbees they’re using lol

Aww kaltenecker and the mice

NO DONT CRASH

AAAAGGGGHHHH

Nooo earth is destroyed

WHERE.IS.LANCES.SWORD.

KEITH AND LANCE AAWWWW

KLANCE IS CANNON KING

OOOOOOOFFFFFFF ITTTTTSSS JAAAAAAAMMMMMMEEEEEEESSSSSS

AAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

JAMES NOOOO AGGGHHH

WHERE IS ADAM BTW

AWWW THEIR FAMILYS AAWWW

UGLY SOBBING AGAIN

UNCLE LANCE?? AWWW

CRYING SO MUCH RN

AWWW HUNKS FAMILY AWW WHERE ARE THEY NOOOO???

NOT HUNKS FAMILY WHHY??

OMG CORAN STOP

KEITH AAAAWWWW

AWW KOSMO

UGH JAMES

ADAM

A D A M

SOBBING

ADAM

DONT BE DEAD

A D A M

SHUT THE FU*K UP JAMES

ITS HUNKS FAMILY SO SHUT YOUR STUPID FACE UGH

OMG coran and allure in the galaxy garrisons outfits lol

Ugh I hate this garrison girl what a jerk

GO PIDGE AND AULLRA YAY

OMG CORAN U LOVE YOU

Ooh arms?? For shiro???

AWWW KEITH AND HUNK

KEITH IS TRYING HIS BEST

AWWWW HHUUNNKKK I LOVE HIM

PROTECT HUNK 2K18

KEITH IS MOST IMPRESSED BY HUNK AWWWW

HUNK HUGGED KEITH

YEEESS HUNK GO GET YO FAMILY

UGH JAMES I HATE YOU

HHHMMMM QUESTIONABLE JAMES BUT OK

EW GROSS SENDAK HOLOGRAM

NOO ALLURA R U OK??

OOF VERONIC AND JAMES AND KEITH ANS HUNK AND AND AND

WHY DOES ALL OF HUNKS FAMILY HAVE HEADBANDS???

AWWW HUNK

SHIROS ARM!!!!!!

NOOO HUNK DONT CRY PLEASE

EPISODE TEN-SHIRO

oof the paladins in those garrison outfits tho

SHIROS ARRRMMM

Eew gross his arm is like sendaks

No

Wait what why noooooO!!!!!!!!!!

Allura? YOUR CROWN???

OOOOHHHHH INTERESTING

Yeess go my gurls

Oohhh shiro lookin hot

YYEEEEEESSSSSS MY SNIPER BOI LAAANNNCCCEEE hmm lance what?

Awww lance loves his sister and I love lance(and Veronica but like)

Same hunk

SnIpEr BoI

ok Keith

GO SNIPER BOI

Shut up James

YEESS LANCE COVER UR BF YEEESSS KOSMO

YES LANCE GO PROTECT UR BF YEESS KLANCE IS CANNON KING

Omg I love kosmo

Oohhh sniper bois i see

OOHHH GO SNIPER BOIS

Aww Veronica if only you knew

Pidge what

Ok Keith whatever

Oof get wrecked by my cosmic boi

“The pigeon is in”

A cannon???

Go hunk!!

YEESSS GO TEAM

These cannons are not good oh no

Shut up you garrison girl

THE LIONS WILL COME TO YYYYOOOOUUUUUU AAAAAHHHHHHH

YEEESSS GO SHIRO YES omg yay Veronica and lance

OOOHHH LANCE A ALLURA I SEE THIS OK OK OK AWWWWWWW THEYRE BLUSHINNNGGGGG

Same Veronica lol

Yeeeess go team

Go Keith!

YYYEEEEEEEAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH

Kaltenecker same

Uh oh lance

No lance uh oh

AWWW THE LIONSS AAWWWW NOOOOO LANCE PLEASE LANCE

NOT VERONICA AND LANCE NO

Lance oh no

NOT VERONICA NO

Ok she’s fine its fine

GO MY SHARPSHOOTER BOOOOOOIIIIIII

YEEEESSSS REEEEEDDDD

OH NO THIS IS BAD NOT THE CANNONS NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

NO THAT GARRISON CHICK I KNEW IT I HATED HER NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

F O R M  V O L T R O N ! ! !

NO THEY HIT VOLTRON NO AAAAAAAHHHHHHH EPISODE ELEVEN-VOLTRON NO

THEY SHOWED KEITH AND LANCE TOGETHER IM DEAD

ADMIRAL SANDA IS A B*TCH

Ok shiro I see you

I hate admiral sanda ugh

And Sendak uuuggghhh

NUNVILLE WILL SAVE THE DAY AGAIN!!!

Jk jk jk lol

Ok but tbh I want a side series on James team like idk I just do

oh no, why aren’t their bayards working???

YEAH YOU SUCK ADMIRAL SANDA

Ok James I see you you hottie

GO ALTAS

No PLEAASE fly atlas FLY

No sam youre not USLESS

GO CORAN YES aww the castle crystal will power the ship awwww its the new castle of lions

YES CAPTAIN SHIRO YES ugh James is so hot oml

NO SENDAK NO

Ugh James so hot

Oof get wrecked

OOF GET WRECKED AAAGGHHH

Yes hunk we have to try

GO TEAM LEADER I LUV U KEITH

LANCE IS SITTING CRISCROSS APPLESAUCE I REPEAT LANCE IS SITTING CRISCROSS APPLESAUCE

ALSO go lions or whatever but LANCE

YAY HUNK YAY EVERONE!!!

Ooh this is cool they can pilot their lions without being in them interesting

Ok I see you admiral sanda

GO LIONS YEEESS

AAAAHHHH YEEESSS oof I still don’t like admiral sanda but whatever

Oh she dead aint she

OH JK I SEE YOU BLACK LION

Hunk your so extra lol’

Ok she is dead whatever

YEEESS MY BABES GO SAVE EARTH

EPISODE TWELVE-

Immediately forms voltron ok I see you

OH A PART ONE AND TWO???

OOHH JAMES IS SOOOO HAAAAAWWWWTTT UGH

Alright voltron lets go

Noice use the Sword

Oh my sam what the cannons do what

WHAT WHAT JUST HIT THEM NO

OH NO THIS IS BAD

GO LANCE BE. LEADER fine let him destroy his own ships, do the work for you

Oohhh dimes what a hottie

“Oh I thought you might have some mathematically advanced insight or something” lol same James

KEITH AND LANCE TAKE THE FURTHEST PLATES KLANCE KLANCE KLANCE

Get wrecked galra base oof

AAAGGGGHHH GO LIONS GO AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH AAAAHHHH YAY THINK IT WORKED?? MAYBE?

Yeah get Sendak. He’s a jerk

AAAGGHHH GO CAPTAIN SHIRO GO

GOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

GO SHIRO GOOOO

OH NO NO NO OH WAIT ITS THE ALTAS OK ITS OK FOR NOW oohhh James

G O  S H I R O omg shiro is done lol

DONT HURT MY SHIRO NO YEEESSS GO SAM SHIRO BETTER BE OK AFTER THIS I SWEAR

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOIO

Yeah die sedan ugh

LANCE YES GO LANCE

GO LANCE YES

Ok allura eyes

Ok yay they can do it please!!!!!!

YYYYYYYYYYYEEEEEEEEEEEEESSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS THEY DID IT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

NO SHIRO

Shiro. Hunny. You need a helmet to breath in space ya idiot.

NO SHIRO AND SENDAK ARE AB TO FIGHT AGAIN AAGGHHH NO GO SHIRO GO GO SHIRO GO

SHIRO YOU CANT DIE again

SHIRO PLEASE BE ALIVE

SENDAK NO DONT DO IT YEEESSS THE BLACK LION YESS GO KEITH YEEESSS

Aww lance and allura

WAIT WHAT WAS THAT NO

EPISODE THIRTEEN -

Oh noooooo what is that??

ANOTHER ROBEAST??? SHIRO IS SAFE THANK GOODNESS

THIS IS BAD THO

Lance has Keith covered ok

YES KEITH YES TEAM LEADER YEAH CORAN wha shiro I swear

FORM VOLTRON

YES VOLTRON YES oof his stick is no good

DUAL SWORDS???? YEEEEESSSS

OH NO IT BROKE THE SHEILD NO

Oohhhh jaaammmeeessss so hot

YES GO PIDGE

OH NO THE ALTAS ITS LIKE THE CREATURES FROM THE RIFT KINDA?? OR THE SHIP WHEN HAGGAR TOOK THEIR QUINTESSENCE??? HUNKS FAMILY AGH

NO THE ATLAS NO VOLTRON IT STABBED VOLTRON

NO VOLTRON THE ATLAS NO AGH SHIRO WHAT YOU WHAT

SHIRO WHAT DID YOU SEE

OK YES THIS IS GOOD

ITS LIKE VOLTRON BUT ITS THE ATLAS OMG WHAT

ITS GOT THICK LEGGIES LOL

OMG ITS HUGE WHAT

GET IT ALTAS GO

OH NO IT GOT BIGGER WHAT

GO LANCE GO

KEITH AND LACE YES KLANCE IS CANNON KING AAAGGGHH

OOF GET WERCKED YEEESSS

ITS GONNA EXPLODE NOOOOOO

AAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

AGH NO WHAT

DONT DIE NO

NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO NO

HUNKS FAMILY NO

NNNNNNNNNOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

SHIRO NO THEY BETTER NOT OF DIED

ADAM

A D A M

NOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOOO

MATT!!!!!!!

BUT NOOOOOOOOOOO

ALL THE ALIENS YAY BUT WHERE ARE THE PALIDANS

OK HUNKS OK YAY

SHAY!!!!!!!!!!!AWWWWWWWWW

PIDGE!

LANCE!

ALLURA!

KEITH!

EVERONES OK EVERYONE HAS A FAMILY ALL IS RIGHT WITH THE WORLD OML WHAT

AXCA???

WHATS UP WITH THE CREATURE?

THE POWER SOURCE IS AN ALTEAN?????????

UUUUMMMMMMMM

Ok thats all!

Basically this is just incoherent screaming but whatever

What I got from this season was

A good season I really liked it

lots of team bonding and I think quite a lot of character development but thats just me idk really know all that much idk

LOTS of ship moments, a lot of klance (my personal fav lance is cannon king) but also some allurance too

New character and stories, love Veronica and James’s team is cool but idk ab James. (He is hot tho)

They could definitely make some spinoffs with the new characters

I though the end was good im really happy all the aliens are coming to earth

LOVE LOVE LOVED lance and hunks family for sure, kinda sad we never saw hunks family actually interact in present time but whatever

Also a little mad that the killed Adam bc I really wanted to see that play out and see a reunion but whatever

Wish they had addressed both Adam and James a little more there wasn’t a whole lot on that whole stuff

I loved lance in this season he’s got his family he’s becoming a leader and I loved him

Quite a few coran scenes but still not to much development

Sam holt was vv important

WHERE.WAS.LANCES.SWORD.I.SWEAR.

LOVED HAVING 13 EPISODES YES

Any who thats really it idk this is insane but here you go

[paramedicsuicide]

First responder suicide -- PTSD, or something else?

Its 1:30am. I sit on my computer in complete darkness, having just slept for the past 10 hours. As a Paramedic in a suburb of a relatively small US city, I work 12 hours shifts for 4 straight days. I get 4 days off to recuperate after that, and at this point in my career those days are essential for my survival. Many of my co-workers are not lucky enough to be able to stop at just 4 days, and must work additional overtime shifts in order to make ends meet. The private EMS industry has relatively low wages nationwide. We are the "red headed step child" of emergency services, often hiding in the shadows of police officers, firefighters, and nurses. There is no such thing as a "typical" shift when working in EMS. There are the occasional shifts where I will sit in the parking lot of the local convenience store chain for 12 straight hours without picking up a single patient. The glow of my cell phone screen illuminating my face for each passing person to see the life draining out of my body. The boredom sets in after hour 2.  My legs and butt hurt. I am hungry, but I can't tell if its true hunger or just my body telling me to get up and move. I decide to walk inside to browse the aisles of colorful treats, getting nauseous at the thought of eating "lunch" out of a gas station at midnight for the 3rd day in a row. Despite my disgust, I walk outside with 2,000 or more calories of junk food at a time in an attempt to eat myself to death. "Ill be diabetic by the end of the week" I say to my partner as I open my fudge dipped granola bar. As the career of a first responder goes on, most quickly start to pack on the pounds like a bear preparing for winter. Company policy prevents you from sleeping during your shift, so your food (if you can call it that) is washed down with 16oz of your favorite energy drink to keep you awake and ready to pick grandma up off the floor when she attempts her 2am bathroom run. I have palpitations from all the caffeine. Hopefully one day those PVC's turn into an arrhythmia and the lord takes me. "Anything to get out of this job" I say, as I polish off my second monster of the night.  Morning rolls around. 50mg of benadryl will help me fall asleep after drinking energy drinks all night long. I have severe shift sleep disorder. I am depressed. I just want to sleep. I wake up ready to go after just 4 hours of sleep. Great. Another night of pounding monsters. I punch in 15 minutes early for my next shift and am assigned a call before I am even scheduled to start. I am the only ambulance available in the surrounding 15 square miles of suburbia, and that trend will continue for the next 12 hours. Call after call, I don't have time to finish my paperwork before being sent on the next run. Its 11pm and dispatch calls my unit number for the 5th time today-- "With the fire department for a 1 year old post choking". I have taken 50 calls of the same nature before and say out loud-- "Great, another bullshit call". Every day, nervous parents call 911 over the slightest cough or sniffle which eventually numbs you to the potential of a true pediatric emergency. Its never a real emergency. Until it is. Rolling up on scene after the fire department, I grab my house bag and begin to waddle towards the low income apartment building for the third time this week. I think -- "I should have brought the tablet for a signature so I don't have to walk back outside". Suddenly, a firefighter rounds the corner carrying a limp child like he is holding an offering platter. "That's not good" I blurt out , going from zero to 100 in the snap of a finger. The firefighter tells me the child was eating chicken and rice when he began to choke.  As my partner digs out the pediatric bag valve mask that has been sitting unused in the house bag for an unknown number of years, I set up the suction, only to find an unresponsive, apneic child with a clenched jaw. "That doesn't make sense" I think to myself as I try to peel apart his tiny jaw without any luck. Thank god-- he has a gap in his front tooth that fits a small, 12fr suction catheter. I start to go through the motions. Is he seizing? Nope. Any trauma visible or reported? No. Mom was asked again-- and again says the child was sitting up, eating, and suddenly started choking. What is going on here? With little to be done on scene, I rush to the small local hospital, nervous that the next squeeze of the bag could lodge a piece of food in this kids airway. I am getting good air exchange but his spo2 isn’t amazing. He must have aspirated. Great news. He is now moving his arms, and his eyes just opened. Wait, why is his jaw still clenched? That's not great news. This kid hasn't made a noise. What the fuck is going on. As I roll the stretcher into the small emergency room closest to the scene, I am greeted with that dreaded sentence from the ER Physician-- "why did you bring him here and not children's hospital".  I bite my tongue-- its not the time to have that fight. The kid is now posturing. A few minutes go by and the doctor asks me to get my laryngoscope because the emergency room is not currently stocked with the proper pediatric equipment. Maybe he was right. The thoughts start rushing through my head-- "they are going to kill this kid. I should have just risked it and bypassed. It was only an extra 7 minutes or so further". As I sit there and wait for the next order, new thoughts take over. "Someone shook this kid. There is no other explanation".  Hypertensive, bradycardic, posturing. But mom said he was choking on rice? Where would she get that from? Hmm. She doesn't seem as concerned as a mother should be. She answers a text message while being questioned by the police.  She has yet to ask anyone how her son is doing. The texts start to come in to my phone. "Are you ok?". "I hear you had a bad call. You guys ok?" "WTF was that all about?". I am fine. Any provider who plans to have a lengthy career has to distance themselves from their patients. I can think back to every "bad" call I've taken, and never once have I been able to recall processing a patients face. Its not important. What they look like is irrelevant to my job. Its the circle of life. Some people live, some people die. Its my job to try and make that circle a little bit bigger if I can. Sometimes you are successful, sometimes you aren't. You have to come to terms with that early on. Minutes after calling in service from restocking, the radio chimes my unit number again. "Cold response to the fitness center for a hand laceration". I arrive on scene to find a psych standing out front in his blue paper clothes, clearly having been to an emergency room at least once today. “Hop on in buddy-- take a seat” I say as I shake my head. We drive him 3 blocks down the street to the same emergency room we left just a couple hours prior. I am not greeted like one would expect. Not with "Hello", not with "whats the chief complaint". I am greeted with a sentence that is never good news. "Did you hear?". Our child from earlier had been emergently transferred 6 miles away to the childrens hospital by a specialty transport team. The news from them was not good. "That kid -- he has a brain bleed". My suspicions were confirmed. He was never choking. Someone hurt this kid and tried to cover it up. I know how to handle this, because its not even the first time this situation has happened to me. People hurt kids often enough that I am not even shocked. Stories like this don't make the news *for a reason*. People cant handle stuff like this. No one needs to know that savages live in apartment 3. Some people have to know though. WE have to know. Its not OK. I talk about suicide often. My previous partner was a veteran and has PTSD from being deployed overseas. He has had many friends commit suicide after returning from war, and was concerned about my mental health. That should concern me. He would ask me once a week-- "Are you sure you are ok?".  My little comments here and there come off as jokes to most people. "Id rather die than come into work tonight". "Pull out in front of this semi truck-- we wont feel a thing I promise". "Stage for police? Fuck that. I hope I get shot". In reality, its not a joke. I am not suicidal at this point in my life-- I am apathetic about living. I'm not going to take my own life, but I am definitely not excited when I wake up each morning. This feeling has slowly crept up on me over my almost 10 year career as a paramedic. I tell myself daily that I need to get out before its too late. What will be the breaking point where I become truly suicidal?  I have to answer one question before I leave. "Where will I go?"   I am burnt out. Everyone says "go to nursing school", but the passion-- the fire inside that makes you want to help people has been extinguished for years. Where can you go at 30+ years old with a paramedic certification and no useful degree. I have made financial commitments at my age that makes starting from scratch somewhere at entry level wages an impossibility. What can I do? Where can I go? I am stuck. This job is like quick sand, and I'm up to my shoulders. If I struggle much more it will be above my head. We get to see what goes on behind the curtains of society. How much would you enjoy a magic show if you knew how the magic was performed? That is what life is like for many first responders. Members of the general public get to wear blinders during their day to day lives. There are people who post rants to facebook if the garbage man didn't put their garbage can back in the correct spot. A terrible day for a typical person is a flat tire on the way home from work. They have no idea what happens in their town or city on a day to day basis. They have NO IDEA that 3 doors down, a husband beat the shit out of his wife for the 4rd time this year and she wont tell the police what happened. They have NO IDEA that people call an ambulance from the parking lot of an emergency room because they don't want to wait in the waiting room.  They have NO IDEA that someone in apartment 3 just hurt their baby and tried to cover it up. But we know. We see it all. I have talked with a lot of people who have similar feelings. Its due to me being so open about my apathy towards life. People who I see every day, smiling at their coworkers and telling war stories and laughing. You would never guess these people were at the end of their ropes-- fighting off their own demons. "Make sure they have bagpipes at my funeral". I don't try and talk these people down because they don't want help. How could I help anyways? You cant just "un-know" the things we know. These people just feel comfort in the fact that they aren't alone. I have been lucky that none of these people have taken their lives yet. I know the day is coming. Its been a long time since a co-worker has committed suicide, and the statistics say we are over-due. How will I handle it?

[kingotabek]

Okay so little real time horror story for y'all

Alright kids, let's get this over with. I don't jump scare. I was desensitized at a very young age from jump scares and gore by actual real life horror and carnage and trauma blah blah blah. That's not this story. I live in this house you see, or rather my family lives in this house since I've moved away, but it's the house I was raised in and in which I still stay when I am with my family. Now this house is a normal fucking house on the outside. It's white, it's got a nice new green tin roof. All the windows are intact, and it stands an even two stories with no basement (thank god). It's even surrounded by three acres of flat farm land and 289 acres of gently wooded, rolling hills (also about seven grave yards but once again that's not this story). Paints a nice picture right? Don't most houses in horror movies sound about like this? Right? Normal? Bingo. This place is the most haunted pit of hell I think anyone could ever come across. It's stood for over 119 years, with more people than I can count on my fingers and toes, dying under it's redone roof (most of their pictures hang in the upstairs bedroom cause my grandmother is a sentimental freak. And they're the old antique photographs too which adds to the horror). Now I can say this house is haunted all I want, but I have stories to back it up. Stories of learning to tie my shoe laces because I saw the ghost of my dead grandfather and he showed me how (I was four). Stories of my friends literally running in fear onto my front lawn in the middle of the night, because they were sleeping upstairs with "the mirror" (another old antique I wish my irrational family would get rid of). Stories of voices, and floating arms in photos and things levitating and moving and even disappearing. Stories of walking through the projection of my great aunt Vivian on my way to the bathroom at four am, because it was dark and I thought she was my mom, so of course I approached her. I could tell you all these stories and have an actual book of my personal accounts as well as some eyewitness testimonies from past house guests. It'd be a lovely 600 page manual by the time I've finished recounting the tales. But the story I want to tell you happened tonight. I'm home visiting my mother and grandmother for the week. I've already been here three days, and I'm leaving tomorrow. As far as visits home go this one has been relatively uneventful. I'm with gran during the day, and then mom comes home from work, we all watch some tv then around 9 or 10 mom and gran retire to bed and leave me to read or write and do my insomnia routine. Tonight was a bit different though because around midnight I actually decided to put my ass in bed and attempt sleep. I succeeded, for a while. I woke up barely thirty minutes ago because my throat was so dry I'm surprised it wasn't hosting mirages. And like any normal person (or perhaps like any person conditioned by unfortunate events) I sit a bottle of water on my dresser before I go to bed so I don't have to walk through an unlit house. This is particularly convenient because my room is on the complete opposite side of the house from the kitchen, and as I've stated this house is Fucked™ . So I get up and get my drink, and I see something in the dark that looks like it's sitting on the top of my lidded hamper. My hamper that had NOTHING sitting on it when I went to bed. Now I'll repeat it's very dark, I don't nightlight, and this thing isn't very big. It looks to be the size of a human baby at six months. I'm very blind. I'll add that in here. I don't see well in daylight let alone in the pitch black bowels of this house past midnight. So initially (yes, even knowing my own homes backstory and penchant for the supernatural) I write it off as me just seeing stuff out of the dark. I'm very White And Rational™ (id die in a horror movie) so I keep drinking my water, and when I'm done and turning around to go back to bed, what happens? THE THING ON THE HAMPER PITCHES FORWARD AND CRIES. Okay. To my credit I don't jump (jumps scare don't do it for me even real ones). My first thought actually, is that my mother has neglected to let my black cat outside for the night (he's indoor/outdoor this is a FARM so don't come pitching at me for this) and that he's sitting on my hamper. Sometimes when he whines, it sounds like the cry of a small child. Normally, I'd go to the hamper and pick him up, but he hasn't jumped down yet on his own either, and I'm still feeling unsettled. So I do another stupid thing, and go to my bed and get my phone to turn on my flashlight. Doesn't sound stupid. It's stupid. I should have left myself unknowingly in the fucking dark okay. Cause when I shine the light on my hamper I'm not met with my cat. Im met with a baby doll I haven't seen since I was five, sitting serenely, leaned forward with its mouth open, on the top of my hamper. Now kids, I fuck with a lot of things in the land of paranormal. I get a sick thrill from visiting haunting sites that aren't my own home, and I've investigated the history of my home and the surrounding areas paranormal records extensively, because it's an exciting topic. But if there's one thing, other than clowns, that I absolutely do not fuck with. ITS FUCKING BABY DOLLS. Porcelain dolls are fine, rag dolls are fine, toss me Annabelle's haunted ass any day. But not a baby doll, and especially not a life-like one. So at this point I'm actually no longer calm or rational. I haven't seen this thing in years and it was probably buried in the bowels of this house's storage. So my flashlighted, phone-wielding ass, takes off full sprint through the house and into my mothers room. She consequently jolts awake because I scare her with my thunderous presence, and she sits up. I explain to her what happens as fast and as calmly as I can. And I don't know if her tired brain absorbed all of it, cause really she wasn't rational at all but more in a sleepy, half-cocked sense than in a hysterically frightened sense. She calmly walks through the house blinking in the dark. Leaving me standing in the door to her room, and when she reaches my room, and I guess subsequently the hamper, I hear her eloquently say, "Well, shit." Just calmly. Rather gently. "Well, shit." She then proceeds to come back to where I'm still standing with the doll in question held over one elbow. Like it's nothing. I'll give her the credit of being sixty years old, and having lived in this house for every waking minute of it, so perhaps she's even more desensitized than I am. Or she's just batshit nuts, blown over the looneys nest. Because the next thing out of her mouth is: "I found it the other day. Thought I put it in my room." And she just walks by me back into her darkened room, sets the doll down somewhere, and climbs back into her bed. Leaving me to return to my own bed, where I'm currently lying fully awake, mourning the loss of whatever sleep I COULD have gotten, because I have to worry I'm going to wake up with a doll sitting somewhere in my vicinity when in all probabilities it apparently should have been in my mother's room. So. There's that.

[santamatori]

la la land ✿ zig

TAGGING →  Tori Santamaria, Zig Novak

TIMEFRAME → February 15th 2017

NOTES → Tori and Zig go on their date auction date, a night adventure in the city.

Zig felt himself getting nervous as he placed his hands in his pockets. He was surprised that Tori even decided to place a bid on him, considering he was going to see if Vanessa would allow him to buy himself. On top of that, even though they weren’t together, there was a factor that played in their date as well. Tori’s ex Luke. Although Luke didn’t see Zig as a threat, or what Zig would like to believe. There was part of the boy who believed Luke had a tendency of being territorial considering the last boy who tried making advances at Tori ended up getting a broken arm. Before heading out, Zig sent a text out to Tori to meet him at the park. It was the easiest spot for them to meet, for Zig to see who was going to lead the first half of the date, him, or Tori. While waiting, Zig had gotten himself a taco or two to snack on while waiting for his date to arrive.

Tori: It was uncharacteristically warm in Toronto for this time of year, but Tori wasn’t complaining. It gave her an excuse to wear skirts and show off her legs and that to her was eleven times better than having to bundle up in six different layers. So here she was striding down the concrete sidewalk of the park and feeling like by some miracle Spring had come early. When she spotted Zig a grin spread across her features, the presence of her signature dimples indicating that it was indeed a genuine smile. When she bid on Zig she hadn’t really expected them to go through with the date, but a part of her was glad that they did. She and Zig hadn’t hung out outside of school since he came over to do a project way back when in grade nine. And Tori loved little adventures like these. “Hey” she greeted as she approached him, brushing back a few raven strands that the wind had blown loose. Spotting his taco she gave a little shake of her head. “Should’ve known you’d start without me” she teased, moving to take a seat on a nearby bench “So do you wanna start or shall I?”

Zig: The young boy paused for a moment, thinking of whether or not he should start their adventures or it was better for Tori to start things off. As he finished his taco the boy gave her an answer. "I think it's best that you start. After all, you were the one who decided to have this date with me. Might as well give you the full Zig Novak date extravaganza!" Zig adjusted his jacket as he placed his hands in the sleeve of his jacket. Since the weather was getting slightly warmer, he noticed the brunette was wearing a skirt. Observing her legs for a moment, the boy gave a light-hearted smile. "You look absolutely amazing by the way."

Tori: As his compliment rang in her ears, the brunette could feel an ever so slight hue of pink tint her cheeks. Tori let out a little laugh. “Aw thanks Ziggy, you too” she replied, as she got up from her seat, brushing off her skirt out of habit. At the notion that she was going to start first she gave the boy a slightly mischevious grin. “Okay, but I hope you’re ready” she said in a sing songy voice, walking ahead of him a bit and beckoning him to follow so she could lead the way. “First stop--well I hope you saved a little room for dessert” she informed him with a smile as the pair quickly approached a dessert stand. “Ever had a churro?” she asked as they joined the short line. “They’re delish, especially when you dip them in chocolate...plus I figured you might need a little something sweet to take the edge off what we’re gonna do next” Without another word to him she leaned over the little counter to speak to the man to take their order. “Two churros please” she asked sweetly, adding two fingers for emphasis.

Zig: As she beckoned the boy to follow her, Zig made his way trailing behind Tori. He was kind of excited to see where she was taking him, especially since he didn't know what she had planned. Zig kind of had an idea what he planned in mind for Tori. In fact, he always had something he planned for Tori ever since he had a crush on the girl. Zig always dreamed of taking Tori on a wonderful date and her falling for him, however, things went differently last year considering Frankie was now his girlfriend. ZIg tilted his head as they were in line for dessert. "No, I've never had a churro before but I heard from several of my friends that they're very delicious." When it was finally there turn to order, the man at the dessert stand smiled a them. "Why aren't you two a cute couple?" he then managed to grab the two churros handing it one each to both of them. "Because you asked so nicely young lady, I'll give them to you on the house," he winked. Zig then glanced at Tori. "I wish I had your charm, but then again maybe it's a good thing otherwise I would be fat," he joked. Taking a bite of his churro, his eyes beamed. "This is delcious Tor!"

Tori: The girl turned to Zig as the man beamed at them across the counter. “Oh we’re not a---thank you.” she responded with a smile of her own, deciding to just roll with it. Why crush his picture perfect perception, especially if it was earning them free churros. “I don’t think you can get fat Zig--” Tori replied with a dismissive shake of her head. Boys her age could eat like cows and still be incredibly lean. Needless to say, she was green with envy. The girl thanked him again as he handed them each of them one of the sweet treats and she left with a wave, making sure to put a little something in the tip jar. “Such a nice guy..” she remarked. Taking a bite of her own churro she turned to face Zig, glad that he seemed to be enjoying his as well. “Told you” she replied, as they strolled a little further up the street. “Really my Abuela makes them the best, but these are the closest second I know.” As they neared their next destination the brunette turned to face him “Soo question---how do you feel about piercings?” she bit her lip and settled him with a skeptical glance, hoping he’d be down. “They have fifteen dollar piercings and stick n’ poke tattoos today at this place I know and I want to get my bellybutton done again since I had to take it out for pageants...” she spoke, slowing down as they approached the parlor and stopping just in front. “And it’s no fun if you don’t get something too, soo what do you say?”

Zig: "Hey, you never know. This metabolism of mine is bound to die out eventually and I just love to eat so it might happen someday." Zig smiled, "That's awesome that your Abuela makes these, I'm sure hers are to die for. My mom owns a bakery/candy store and she makes the best rugelach. I should bring you some sometime when my mom makes some more," he noted as he finished his churro. Zig gave a devious smirk, "I have no issues with piercing, I think they're kind of cool, depending on where you get pierced to be honest." The boy answered that way because he reminded one time watching a YouTube video were someone decided to get their testicles pierced only to have to go to the ER later because of an infection. "I think we shall do it! Where do you want me to get a piercing though? Since it's your idea might as well make things fun," he winked as he opened the parlor door. "Ladies first."

Tori: She couldn’t help but clap her hands a little out of excitement as Zig seemed up for the challenge. The brunette made her way in as he opened the door for her. “Hmm..I don’t know” she replied, looking on at Zig’s face and dramatically framing it with her fingers as she tried to get a feel for what she thought would look good on him. When she turned around she noticed a book of different piercings the shop offered laying flat on the counter and deciding to flip through while they waited. “Oh, what about this one?” she suggested, jokingly pointing out a lip piercing. Tori shook her head before a look of horror could wash over his features. “I’m kidding--I’m kidding” she said as she flipped to the next page. “What about a tragus? Or something in your cartialidge? Could look very badass..” As soon as she finished one of the piercers approached the counter to help them. “Hey, what can I do for you two?” the male asked. He looked like the guy that had done her piercing the first time. This was one of the only places in twon that she knew didn’t ID, but was still sterile. “Well I want a. belly ring and he wants...” she trailed off, turning to Zig.

Zig: Zig contemplated on what he wanted to get. He knew there was all sorts of piercings he could get and he really was glad Tori was joking about the lip piercing. The last thing he wanted to do was explain to his mother why he decided to get a lip piercing. "Easy my good man. I want my dick pierced." He allowed a moment of silence to fill the room before laughing, "I'm kidding. Just give me an ear piercing. You know anywhere you think would look good. You're the professional so I'm going to let you do your job." Zig waited patiently for Tori get her piercing done before it was his turn. "Are you sure this is going to hurt?" he asked as he waited patiently for it to be over with.

Tori: The actual process wasn’t any worse than Tori remembered, the man directed her to the back where she picked her jewelry layed down flat on the table and cleaned everything. “Ready, little lady? he asked, just about to stick the needle through. She took a breath and nodded, wincing a little as she felt the sharp pain pierce through her. But just like that it was over, He swabbed her stomach a few more times, going over cleaning procedures with her but all she did was gawk at her jewelry in the handheld mirror he’d given her. She hopped off the table so that Zig could take her place. “Um, it might hurt a little but you won’t die..” she offered as the man prepared Zig’s ear. “Don’t think about the pain--think about how cool you’ll look after.”

Zig: It was more about the anticipation of getting it done which made Zig a little uneasy rather than the actual process itself. In a second Zig felt a slight pinch as the needle went through, the moment was over. The man started cleaning the ear to make sure it wouldn't get infection while getting them both a bottle of solution to prevent any inflammation. "Wow, that was fast." Zig said as he held the mirror checking out his ear. He then thanked the man and grinned at Tori. "I look badass right?"

Tori: “Only the baddest..” she said as she walked up behind him in the mirror, humoring him with a slight grin. “Seriously it looks goood” The more she stared at it the more she felt it was complementing his features. “I’m gonna go pay then we can get out of here..” she replied with a smirk, allowing him a little extra time to check himself out. She slipped off the front counter, paying the artists their thirty dollars cash. She felt it only fair since it was her part of her date after all. As soon as she finished she went back to collect Zig and the bottle of H20cean the man given her to clean. “Remember--” their piercer began. “Twice a day, we know. Thanks!” Tori finished for him, grabbing onto Zig’s arm as they beelined out of the place. “Well that’s all I have for you, Z. Guess you’re calling the shots from here..”

Zig: As they exited out, Zig was thinking of what he wanted to do with Tori. There was so much he could show her, especially considering he knew all the places to go around here. Getting an idea he smiled, "Ever wanted to get a great view of the city?" he asked her. Zig wanted to start off with something more adventurous first before getting into the real fun parts of their date. "Follow me." Zig held Tori's hand to pull her through the crowd as they got closer to the an older building that was no longer in use. It was recently sold to some market developers who have yet to tear it down to start building new high rise apartments in the area. Finding the box he kept. Zig pushed it towards the ladder. "Climb up! Don't worry, you'll be safe Tor, I do this all the time." Zig then managed to get on the metal construction box and jumped onto the ladder climbing his way towards the stairs to make it to the top of the building.

Tori: “Of course..the best view I get is on my rooftop. And it’s not good” she laughed, but held on to Zig’s hand as he maneuvered through the crowd of people until they found themselves in a more secluded area. She looked on at Zig a little confused as went to grab a box but it all made sense when he positioned it underneath a ladder. “You sure?” she asked, taking a little step closer before climbing her way on up. As soon as she made it to the top however she realized it was well worth it. “How pretty..” she remarked instantly, marveling at the light as she climbed the rest of the way.

Zig: Once reaching the top, Zig turned around to help Tori fully up. "This is where I like to go sometimes to get a better view of the city and to clear my head." Zig smiled as he made his way towards the other side of the building looking for the old light switch. He was surprised they haven't managed to stop the electricity in the area yet. As he pressed it, lights appeared from the roof top and there was a little table with a picnic basket in the middle. "Oh, well, would you look at that. Dinner is ready!" he smiled as she showed Tori towards her seat, pulling out her chair. "You want to know something? If this happened a year ago, I would feel like the luckiest boy alive. I used to have the biggest crush on you."

Tori: Tori was googly eyed, the sight of the Toronto skyline in the quickly darkening sky was breathtaking. So much so, that she hadn’t noticed when Zig slipped off to flip on a light switch. She spun around when he spoke to her to see a picnic basket set up on a table for them. Her eyes widened, but so did the grin on her face. “Zig..” she said, as the boy pulled out her chair. “This is so cute. Literally, to die.” she said as she sat down, crossing her legs and scooting up ever so slightly. She looked up at the boy as she sat across from her, cocking an eyebrow. Tori couldn’t help but blush a little when he admitted to having a crush on her a while back, frankly she’d never had a clue. “Oh yeah? And what’s so bad about me now?” she teased, flashing him a playful grin.

Zig: Zig opened the basket, his face turning a hint of red when she asked him what was so bad about her now. The truth is, nothing was bad about her. She was perfect. Tori had brains, beauty, and the confidence that makes all eyes on her when she walks into the room. The only thing was the fact that Tori had a easily possessive and jealous ex-boyfriend, Luke Baker. Someone Zig wasn't fond of all that often ever since he made Dallas kick his ass for having an own opinion on a certain situation. Taking out the spaghetti, Zig filled Tori's plate with some while placing some meatballs. "I cooked this myself and made the meatballs myself." He then decided to answer her question. "Nothing is bad about you Tor. You're absolutely perfect. You're very smart considering you know almost everything not to mention very beautiful. Plus. there is something about you when you waltz into a room, everyone is staring at you. You are absolutely perfect. The only thing is the fact your ex-boyfriend can kind of get jealous, considering he did break Drew's arm." Zig finally sat himself down, pouring her some sparkling cider.

Tori: hadn’t expected such a response to come from her little quip, but when he spoke Tori felt herself pause a little. She didn’t know he thought so highly of her, but God she was so flattered she didn’t know what to say. “I’m not perfect, Ziggy” she said with a dismissive shake of her head, but a smile nonetheless as her eyes found the ground. In her eyes she was so far from it. At the mention of Luke and Drew, Tori nodded--part of her figuring that most boys in school steered clear of her for that exact reason. “That was just a big mess. But him and Drew already hated each other so him and I..hanging out just added fuel to the fire” she explained. The brunette shook her head. “He’s not going to break your arm for going on a date with me..besides, I won’t let him” she reassured him, finally taking the time to look over the food that he’d prepared. “This looks great, by the way” she added, picking up her fork and spinning a couple of the noodles around on it. “Mmm, tastes great too..” she said, already going in for another bite.

Zig: The boy smiled as she reassured him that she wouldn't allow Luke to do something when after all the date was won by an auction. Zig started eating from his plate as well. "I'm glad you like everything." After a few minutes of eating his dinner. Zig managed to inform Tori, "Check in the picnic basket, I managed to make your favorite desert. I just thought it would be the perfect thing to end the dinner of course!"

Tori: Dinner went well, filled with comfortable chatter between the both of them about anything. When he told her he came equip with her favorite dessert. she raised both eyebrows. “No way..” the brunette chimed incredulously, lifting the top of the basket and peeking it to see her favorite--strawberry shortcake” She grabbed the tasty treat out of basket and couldn’t help herself from digging in. “Where’d you learn to cook like this?” she remarked immediately as the flavors just melted in her mouth. “You have a gift, Z. Ever thought about being a Chef or going to culinary school or something?” Everything he’d made was delicious, definitely better than most of the things she’d attempted in the kitchen. “This is literally like the nicest thing anyone’s ever done for me--or /with/ me. Even if you might be trying to fatten me up.” she grinned, taking a few more bites.

Zig: "I've learned from my mom. When I'm not working at late nights as an auto mechanic I am working as a baker in my mom's bakery/candy shop. It is hard to sometimes maintain seeing as there is always competition but we manage to make enough to live another day. That is all that matters." Zig then grinned. "Oh please, you won't get fat. I mean unless you decide to eat more than just one slice of strawberry shortcake. Other than that I think it takes a lot for someone to get fat." Zig paused for a moment, he never knew someone would suggest him getting into culinary. "I honestly never thought about that before or any career for that matter. Sometimes I think of owning my own restaurant and making it reasonable for those who have little to no income, you know kind of as a way to give back to my community."

Tori: Tori made a face, knowing she was about to go in for seconds despite idle attempts to resist. Listening to Zig talk about his mother and how he taught him to cook. “Just the two of you--no brothers and sisters? ..Or a dad?” she inquired, wondering if she was prying. Tori came without filter and sometimes that caused her to beg a little too much information. “Well she’s lucky to have a son that work’s as hard as you do” she shrugged, the compliment flowing out of her lips. It was an honest resolve. A lot of kids their age didn’t know what a job was, and if they had one it was to buy things at their leisure--not help to pay the bills. “Promise you’ll at least think about it..” she said in response to the culinary school suggestion. “I think that’d be a good first step to your restaurant”

Zig: "It's just me and my mom, I did have a younger brother, but when my dad left three years ago he took him with him," he sighed. "My dad is no longer in the picture seeing as he was very abusive towards my mother. Everything she seemed to do never amounted to anything to him. Sometimes I would wake up at three in the morning hearing him drunkly yell at her for placing the kitchen towels somewhere else. Their fights would get intense." Zig normally had no filter himself and could easily talk about anything - it was probably a blessing and a curse for others. A blessing in a sense that it gives them some sort of comfort but a curse since it makes people tend to open up to him about information he really didn't need to know. Zig smiled, "I'll take your idea into consideration. Thanks Tor." Zig then started placing the leftovers of the food back in the basket. "Anywhere you want to go?" he asked giving her the final option.

Tori: The brunette just listened and nodded as Zig talked about his abusive father. Whenever people opened up to her about personal things she did her best to stay quiet and just listen. Zig didn't appear to be too torn up talking about his family situation, but anybody would be a little traumatized by an abusive father. She knew just from the time she'd spent with Luke the kind of effect that could have on a person. As dinner wrapped up she got up from the table, watching as he packed everything up. "Thanks for dinner Zig" she said sweetly. When he'd asked her if there was anywhere else she wanted to go she shook her head. "I don't have anything in mind.." Really, the date had been fantastic by her standards. Even if it wasn't a /real/ one.

Zig: "Of course, glad you like it. Would you like me to escort you home?" he asked as he grabbed the basket in hand and started slowly making his way down the ladder back onto the ground of the building. After about two minutes Zig was on the ground slowly waiting for the girl was she trailed behind him.

Tori: “Oh-how gentlemanly” she complimented with a smile “I’d like that, thanks” As they proceeded back down the ladder and to his side. “I don’t live far at all from the park--we just have to make a couple of lefts.” commented the girl as they started on their way. The walk home passed quickly, mostly because Tori loved the way this part of Toronto looked at night. It wasn’t long before she found herself outside of her grandparents’ house. She turned to face the boy. “Well I guess this is where our night ends” the brunette fake pouted. This was definitely the highlight of what had been an otherwise terrible week.Tori leaned up and placed a kiss on his cheek before spinning on her heels to head in. “I had a blast. Text me when you get home so I know you made it!” the brunette remarked over her shoulder, waving before her frame disappeared into the house.

Zig: He felt her lips against his cheek and he could feel himself blushing as he smiled and made sure she entered her house before walking towards his. He was surprised how well the date went, he didn't even have to spend much money considering he made a meal for the both of them instead of going to McDonalds. Zig lived at least five blocks away from Tori and the walk wasn't that bad, he knew where to walk and where not to walk at certain times. Making it towards his apartment, the young boy short a text message informing the girl that he was now home before wishing her a good night.

[bnymedic]

First responder suicide – PTSD, or something else?

Its 1:30am. I sit on my computer in complete darkness, having just slept for the past 10 hours. As a Paramedic in a suburb of a relatively small US city, I work 12 hours shifts for 4 straight days. I get 4 days off to recuperate after that, and at this point in my career those days are essential for my survival. Many of my co-workers are not lucky enough to be able to stop at just 4 days, and must work additional overtime shifts in order to make ends meet. The private EMS industry has relatively low wages nationwide. We are the “red headed step child” of emergency services, often hiding in the shadows of police officers, firefighters, and nurses. There is no such thing as a “typical” shift when working in EMS. There are the occasional shifts where I will sit in the parking lot of the local convenience store chain for 12 straight hours without picking up a single patient. The glow of my cell phone screen illuminating my face for each passing person to see the life draining out of my body. The boredom sets in after hour 2.  My legs and butt hurt. I am hungry, but I can’t tell if its true hunger or just my body telling me to get up and move. I decide to walk inside to browse the aisles of colorful treats, getting nauseous at the thought of eating “lunch” out of a gas station at midnight for the 3rd day in a row. Despite my disgust, I walk outside with 2,000 or more calories of junk food at a time in an attempt to eat myself to death. “Ill be diabetic by the end of the week” I say to my partner as I open my fudge dipped granola bar. As the career of a first responder goes on, most quickly start to pack on the pounds like a bear preparing for winter. Company policy prevents you from sleeping during your shift, so your food (if you can call it that) is washed down with 16oz of your favorite energy drink to keep you awake and ready to pick grandma up off the floor when she attempts her 2am bathroom run. I have palpitations from all the caffeine. Hopefully one day those PVC’s turn into an arrhythmia and the lord takes me. “Anything to get out of this job” I say, as I polish off my second monster of the night.  Morning rolls around. 50mg of benadryl will help me fall asleep after drinking energy drinks all night long. I have severe shift sleep disorder. I am depressed. I just want to sleep. I wake up ready to go after just 4 hours of sleep. Great. Another night of pounding monsters. I punch in 15 minutes early for my next shift and am assigned a call before I am even scheduled to start. I am the only ambulance available in the surrounding 15 square miles of suburbia, and that trend will continue for the next 12 hours. Call after call, I don’t have time to finish my paperwork before being sent on the next run. Its 11pm and dispatch calls my unit number for the 5th time today– “With the fire department for a 1 year old post choking”. I have taken 50 calls of the same nature before and say out loud– “Great, another bullshit call”. Every day, nervous parents call 911 over the slightest cough or sniffle which eventually numbs you to the potential of a true pediatric emergency. Its never a real emergency. Until it is. Rolling up on scene after the fire department, I grab my house bag and begin to waddle towards the low income apartment building for the third time this week. I think – “I should have brought the tablet for a signature so I don’t have to walk back outside”. Suddenly, a firefighter rounds the corner carrying a limp child like he is holding an offering platter. “That’s not good” I blurt out , going from zero to 100 in the snap of a finger. The firefighter tells me the child was eating chicken and rice when he began to choke.  As my partner digs out the pediatric bag valve mask that has been sitting unused in the house bag for an unknown number of years, I set up the suction, only to find an unresponsive, apneic child with a clenched jaw. “That doesn’t make sense” I think to myself as I try to peel apart his tiny jaw without any luck. Thank god– he has a gap in his front tooth that fits a small, 12fr suction catheter. I start to go through the motions. Is he seizing? Nope. Any trauma visible or reported? No. Mom was asked again– and again says the child was sitting up, eating, and suddenly started choking. What is going on here? With little to be done on scene, I rush to the small local hospital, nervous that the next squeeze of the bag could lodge a piece of food in this kids airway. I am getting good air exchange but his spo2 isn’t amazing. He must have aspirated. Great news. He is now moving his arms, and his eyes just opened. Wait, why is his jaw still clenched? That’s not great news. This kid hasn’t made a noise. What the fuck is going on. As I roll the stretcher into the small emergency room closest to the scene, I am greeted with that dreaded sentence from the ER Physician– “why did you bring him here and not children’s hospital”.  I bite my tongue– its not the time to have that fight. The kid is now posturing. A few minutes go by and the doctor asks me to get my laryngoscope because the emergency room is not currently stocked with the proper pediatric equipment. Maybe he was right. The thoughts start rushing through my head– “they are going to kill this kid. I should have just risked it and bypassed. It was only an extra 7 minutes or so further”. As I sit there and wait for the next order, new thoughts take over. “Someone shook this kid. There is no other explanation”.  Hypertensive, bradycardic, posturing. But mom said he was choking on rice? Where would she get that from? Hmm. She doesn’t seem as concerned as a mother should be. She answers a text message while being questioned by the police.  She has yet to ask anyone how her son is doing. The texts start to come in to my phone. “Are you ok?”. “I hear you had a bad call. You guys ok?” “WTF was that all about?”. I am fine. Any provider who plans to have a lengthy career has to distance themselves from their patients. I can think back to every “bad” call I’ve taken, and never once have I been able to recall processing a patients face. Its not important. What they look like is irrelevant to my job. Its the circle of life. Some people live, some people die. Its my job to try and make that circle a little bit bigger if I can. Sometimes you are successful, sometimes you aren’t. You have to come to terms with that early on. Minutes after calling in service from restocking, the radio chimes my unit number again. “Cold response to the fitness center for a hand laceration”. I arrive on scene to find a psych standing out front in his blue paper clothes, clearly having been to an emergency room at least once today. “Hop on in buddy– take a seat” I say as I shake my head. We drive him 3 blocks down the street to the same emergency room we left just a couple hours prior. I am not greeted like one would expect. Not with “Hello”, not with “whats the chief complaint”. I am greeted with a sentence that is never good news. “Did you hear?”. Our child from earlier had been emergently transferred 6 miles away to the childrens hospital by a specialty transport team. The news from them was not good. “That kid – he has a brain bleed”. My suspicions were confirmed. He was never choking. Someone hurt this kid and tried to cover it up. I know how to handle this, because its not even the first time this situation has happened to me. People hurt kids often enough that I am not even shocked. Stories like this don’t make the news *for a reason*. People cant handle stuff like this. No one needs to know that savages live in apartment 3. Some people have to know though. WE have to know. Its not OK. I talk about suicide often. My previous partner was a veteran and has PTSD from being deployed overseas. He has had many friends commit suicide after returning from war, and was concerned about my mental health. That should concern me. He would ask me once a week– “Are you sure you are ok?”.  My little comments here and there come off as jokes to most people. “Id rather die than come into work tonight”. “Pull out in front of this semi truck– we wont feel a thing I promise”. “Stage for police? Fuck that. I hope I get shot”. In reality, its not a joke. I am not suicidal at this point in my life– I am apathetic about living. I’m not going to take my own life, but I am definitely not excited when I wake up each morning. This feeling has slowly crept up on me over my almost 10 year career as a paramedic. I tell myself daily that I need to get out before its too late. What will be the breaking point where I become truly suicidal?  I have to answer one question before I leave. “Where will I go?”   I am burnt out. Everyone says “go to nursing school”, but the passion– the fire inside that makes you want to help people has been extinguished for years. Where can you go at 30+ years old with a paramedic certification and no useful degree. I have made financial commitments at my age that makes starting from scratch somewhere at entry level wages an impossibility. What can I do? Where can I go? I am stuck. This job is like quick sand, and I’m up to my shoulders. If I struggle much more it will be above my head. We get to see what goes on behind the curtains of society. How much would you enjoy a magic show if you knew how the magic was performed? That is what life is like for many first responders. Members of the general public get to wear blinders during their day to day lives. There are people who post rants to facebook if the garbage man didn’t put their garbage can back in the correct spot. A terrible day for a typical person is a flat tire on the way home from work. They have no idea what happens in their town or city on a day to day basis. They have NO IDEA that 3 doors down, a husband beat the shit out of his wife for the 4rd time this year and she wont tell the police what happened. They have NO IDEA that people call an ambulance from the parking lot of an emergency room because they don’t want to wait in the waiting room.  They have NO IDEA that someone in apartment 3 just hurt their baby and tried to cover it up. But we know. We see it all. I have talked with a lot of people who have similar feelings. Its due to me being so open about my apathy towards life. People who I see every day, smiling at their coworkers and telling war stories and laughing. You would never guess these people were at the end of their ropes– fighting off their own demons. “Make sure they have bagpipes at my funeral”. I don’t try and talk these people down because they don’t want help. How could I help anyways? You cant just “un-know” the things we know. These people just feel comfort in the fact that they aren’t alone. I have been lucky that none of these people have taken their lives yet. I know the day is coming. Its been a long time since a co-worker has committed suicide, and the statistics say we are over-due. How will I handle it?

[andrewjean52-blog]

Andrew Jean

Professor  Lunday

English 1301

30 November  2019

Welcome To Buhama Bucks 

Going into  my senior  year  of  high  school  I  quit  track  due  to  an  injury  so  I  had  extra  time  on  my  hands.  So  I started  hanging  out  with  my  friends  more  often  but  the  problem  was  the  fact  that  I  had  difficult  friends.  The  problem  with  them  is  that  they  loved  eating  expensive  food.  They  hated  fast  food  and  places   like  little  Caesar's   was  considered   “broke   people   food”. At  the  time  I  only  got  money  from  my  mom  and  the  places  they  wanted  to  eat  wasn't  enough. I  realized  that  I  needed  a  job. After  months  of  searching  I finally  got  an  interview  at  Canes. My  first  interview  didn't  so  well  I  was  really  confident  but  didn't  speak  loud   enough which  was   the  problem..   My  classmate Devin, who  worked   there  got  me  another   interview. This   time  it  was  with  another   manager  Katie, I felt   confident  but  this  time  I  made  sure  to  speak  up. The   day  after   Devin  comes   to  speak  to  me  and  tells  me  that  I   got hired. Finally,    my  first  job  was  at  Raising  Canes  because it  was  the  perfect  place  for  me. It  was  next  to my  school  and  with  great  hours 4-12  on  friday  and  4-10  on  saturday.  I  worked   the front counter and  drive  thru. Front  counter  was  my  element  I  felt  comfortable  there  since  I  was  able  to  talk  to  customers while,  drive  thru  I  sucked  at   it. I  prefer   talking  to  people  when  I  could  see them  not  with  a  headset. My biggest  problem  is  trying  to  multitask  in  a   fast  period  of time. Plus  the  system   didn't  work  so  well  so  I struggled  more  when   I  couldn't  hear  the  orders. After  2  weeks  of  trying  to  be  decent  at  it   we  all  gave  up. I  wanted  to  get  better  at  it  but  it  was  just   easier   to  move  on. Since  I  wasn't  good  at  drive   thru  the  manger  hated   me .  But  after  a couple months  I  didn’t  enjoy  working  there  my  hours  got  cut  and  my  bosses  hatred  increased.  I  only  stayed  at  that  job   because  on  Fridays  id  get   girls  numbers.  It  was  basically getting  paid  to  talk  to  girls   because  at  the   time  I  wasn't   good  at   it. But  after  a  girl  called  me  cute  in  front  of  my boss  he  put  2  and  2  together.  His  thought  I  sucked  at   drive   thru  on  purpose   just   to  be   put   up  front.   After  that  he  took  away  my  Fridays  and  only  gave  me  4  hours  a  week. My  paychecks  went  from  $200  to  $80   so  I  had  to find  a  new  job.   When  I  worked  only  on  Saturdays  I  became  close  to  Sydney,  She  was  my  work  best  friend  we  would  beat  each  other  up  all  the  time. I  roasted  her  all the  time  one  time even  on  the  headset.  I  had   a  different  relationship  with  each  manger. Katie  was  fun  and  we  would  talk about  fighting  each  other  and  she  loved  embarrassing me  in front  of  girls.  Kat  and   I  would  joke  about  her  not  being  my  boss  and  my  reactions  when  we  would  count  money  together.    After  months  of  looking  I  got  a  text  from  my  current  boss  telling  me  that  I  got  the  job  right  when  summer  started.  I  was   happy  to  get a  new  job  because  I  didn't  want  to  quit  I  wanted  to  be  fired. Normally  people  find  being  let  go  from  their  job  a  bad  thing  but  I  found  out  that Matt  doesn't  like  firing  people. His  goal  was  to  make  me  quit  and  my  pride  wouldn’t  let  him  win. My plan  was  to  work  both   jobs  but  it  wasn't  possible.  Matt  would  always  be  rude  to  me  and  say  stuff  about  me  behind  my  back.                                                             Canes  and  Bahama  Bucks  are  two  different  jobs at  Canes   it's  hard  to  talk to  everyone  where  at  Bahama  if  you don't  speak  your  gonna  be  bored. Shifts  at  Canes  feel  like  a  long  time where  Bahama goes  by  fast.   After  getting  the  new  job.I  was  so  happy  and  after  training  I wasn't  good  at  anything.  From  making  snow cones  to  working  the  register. Since I  sucked  at everything  I wasn't  very  well liked.  I  had  a  manager  named  Regan,  that  was  really  nice  but  really  annoying  so  she  made  me  extremely  nervous  and  it  made  me worse. People  didn't  really  like  working  with  her  and  I  always  got  scheduled  with  her.  When  she  went   back  to  college  everyone  was  happy especially me.   Eventually the  more  I  worked  the  better  I  got.  I  went  from  making  the  worst  snow cones  that  looked  deformed  to  perfect   ones.  As  the  summer  ended  and  the  people  I  didn’t   like  left   I  started  to  enjoy  my  job. I  went  to  everyone's  least  favorite  to  favorite.  I  got  excited  to   work  because  it  became  fun. Less  people  came  in   so  we  got  goof   around  and  found  ways  to entertain ourselves from  throwing  snowballs  at  targets and whatever  came  to  our  mind.  At the  store  I  have  coworkers  that  I  can   tell  them  anything, Whether  it's  whatever   going  on  in  my  life  at  the  moment,  or  if  i'm going  through something . Since ever one  was   in   high  school  and  I  was  able  to  open  instead  of  closing.  The  opening  shift  is  the  best  shift  because  no  one  comes  in and  I  get  to  chill  and  do  homework. After  a  while  I  ended  up  doing  everything  for  the  store  if  I'm not  there  we  run  out of  stuff.  I'm basically   a  manager  to  the  store  so  I'm incharge  of  telling  the  owner  what  we  don't  have  and  dealing  with  problems.   I  never  thought  I  would  have a  job  I  enjoyed  so  much. From  not  always  having  to  put  on  a  uniform  when  the  weather  is  cold  and  being  able  to  wear  a  durag. The  special  perks  I  get  from the  morning  shift  of  weekdays  is  that I  can  watch  Netflix  or  YouTube  on  the  big  tvs  at   work. But  what  I  like about  my  job  is  putting   smiles on  kids  faces. Their  faces  light  up  when  they  see  how  it's  made and  especially  when they  get  an  umbrella  with  their  favorite  color.  Or  meeting  new  people  and  finding  out  their  backstory  and  how  their  day  was.   A  bonus  of  working  there  is  that  sometimes  Maddi,  my  best  friend  would  come  visit me and  me  being  a  manager  I  get  to hook  her  up.

                  My  favorite  part about   my  job  is  my  coworkers. There is   clay,  He’s  a really  tall   17  year  old. When  I  work  with  him  we  goof  around  and  he’s always  putting  me  on  to cool shows. Then  Lauren, sometimes  she  can  be  annoying  especially  when  her  friends  come  in, but  she’s  cool  we  yell  at  each  other  to  see  who  can  scream  louder.  The  thing  I  like  about  her  is  the  fact  she  will organize  the store  with  me which  makes  my  job  easier. Now Sofia, she  hated  me  when  I  first   started  I  always  worked  with  her when  I   was  terrible. It's  ironic  that  she  hated  me  since  she  was  my  favorite  person to  work  with. I  just  liked  her  personality  plus  she  always  got  hurt  which  was  funny. Now  I'm her  second  favorite  person  there  but   recently  I  haven't  been  working  with  her. We  used  to  have  a  girl  named  Mattie,  or  Matson  as  I  called  her  because  it  her  birth  name. She  was  everyone's  favorite  mine  included. Her  and  I  playfully  fought  all  the  time. Her  and  I  had  a joke  that  if  we  were  in  a  horror  movie  she would   die  first.Im  protective  of  her cause  she  always  meets  the  creepiest  guy  hence  why  she  would  die  first.  Every time  she would  have  an encounter with  a  creepy  old  dude  she would  tell  stories  about  it.   I  felt  closer  to  her  than   anyone  else  because  I  know  some  of  her  friends  in fact  I've  had  a  thing  with   3  of  them  plus  her  ex  was  my best friend’s little  brother. I  got  sad  when  she  left  to  work  at  a  vet  but  she  might  come  back  fingers  crossed.  Now  Ava  is  like  my  little  sister  we  got  a  secret  handshake  and  everything. I tease  her  all  the  time  by  saying  she's 12. she’s  the  person  I  talk  to all  the  time  if  its  about  girls  or  school. I  call her  the  mean  version  of  one  of  my  best friends  Maddi,  both  of  them  give off  mom  vibes  and  I  go  to  them  first  when  I'm going  through  something I  love  how  she's  childish  yet  mature. We used  to  have  a  guy  named  Sterling, Mattie  was  the  reason  he  got  hired  since  they  were  friends.  He  was  a  model  and   an actor  so  that  made  him  cool  to  me  because  I  wanted  to  do  those things. He  was  my  work  best  friend. His  personality  was  goofy  and  funny  we  instantly  connected.  He  would  give  me  advice  on  girls and  other stuff.  He  hated  when  I leave  work  and when  I  wasn't  working  he  wouldn't  have  as  much  fun. Sadly  he  quit  out  of  the blue  his  original  plan  was  to  get  the   first  check  then  leave  but  after  a  month  of  being  there  I  though  his  plans  changed. Once  he  left  work  got  boring  for  a  bit  but  within  his  absence  I  became  closer  to  clay.  Usually  at  jobs  when  you  see  someone   you  work  with  you try  to  avoid  them. But  With  morning  shifts  I  can't  wait  for  the  next  person  to  arrive.  The cool  part  of  my  job  is  even  when  im  not  working  and  I   wanna  hangout  I see  whos  working  and  pop  up. With  all  the  pros  with  my  job  there are cons  too. My  boss  Melissa,  is  the  biggest  one.  I admire  her  for  being  able  to  own  multiple  stores  after  selling  snow cones  at  Minute  Maid  park  during baseball season.  But  she’s  a  terrible store  owner  if  you  were  to  look  at  the  review  most  of  them  are  about  poor  management. Her  refusal  to  restock  products  like  spoons.  The biggest  complaint for  customers   is  the lack  of   sugar  free  flavors since  we  have  been  out for  months.  I  wish  there  was  a  sight  where  you  rate  your  boss like  in college  and  you  rate  your  teachers.  The employees  biggest  complaint  is  her  taking  away  our  tips. She took $50  worth  of  it   over  whip cream  being  in  the  freezer  which  I  got  blamed for.  That  made  me  mad  especially  when  she  didn't  apologize  when  we  found  out  the  delivery  people  put  it  there.  I prefer  working  for   her  rather  than  Matt. Mostly  because  of  her  parents, especially  her  father  Alfred, He’s  a  weird  old  man  with  a  hearing  problem  but  he is  extremely  handy. When  something  doesn't  work  and  I'm having  trouble  I  call on him. His wife  I  call  Mrs.Alfred  is  extremely  nice  I've only  met  her  once  and  she  helped  me  clean. Sometimes  I  wonder  how  her  parents are  really  nice  but  their  daughter  takes  advantage  of  teenagers. 

                 But working  for  her has  made  me  realize  that  this  place is  gonna  help  me  with  advertising. Since we  sell snow cones and the weather gets cold you have to find ways to get people inside. My idea was to make a sign and do funny dances in the street. Did I look dumb? yes. Did drivers make fun of me? yes. But it worked we went from no customers to  a bunch. Working here I also learned that if you want to open a business make sure it’s a place where people can see. That helps if I ever want to own my own firm. Most importantly how to make something look appealing for example. We have a flavor called galaxy at it taste bad but we made it look like an infinity gauntlet since Endgame had just came out on dvd and for a slogan I put you'll love it 3000 it’s inevitable since Iron man and  Thanos said it. 

                I have grown a lot since I started working at Bahama Bucks. I started taking on more responsibilities and improved my problem solving skills. This job has given me transferable skills with public speaking and much more. Plan is to be employed till next summer when I transfer to New York. When I leave this job I hope to find one as fun as this one. 

[ecotone99]

[AA] The Amazing Fox-Girl Vol 1 Video Blog

“trying to become a tier four superhero at seventeen, and balancing my exams, it hasn't been easy, sleep, I think what I miss most is sleep, so the idea of this blog is to help me balance my life. The girl clears her throat getting comfy in her chair, ”hello my name is Amy Pizza and I'm a tier three superhero in Philadelphia, welcome to my blog” Amy lets out a sigh and turns off her small, pink video camera she has rested on a stack of school books, ”shoot I don't actually have anything to talk about”she said with tartly undertones”,the Knights of Justice always say crime never sleeps, I guess sometimes it does, I guess I should start by talking about my powers” the poorly rested video camera topples knocking a cup of pencils across the table, ”I need a cameraman” Amy barked, A banging at the bedroom door breaks her concentration. ”what is it, mom?” Amy says sharply ”food is ready, you asked for pasta remember” ”yeah I remember, sorry mum” ”its ok just don't let it get cold, like you always do” her mothers feet could be heard going back downstairs, Amy lets out another sigh ”come on I can do this” picking up the video camera with determination, Amy smiles confidently before packing her school bag for the next day.

”hello blog people, people of Philadelphia and everywhere else, the hunt for a cameraman continues two days later from our last update, I'm still a tier three hero, and I'm in school right now, so that's cool”, you know you're really bad at that” said a boy walking alongside Amy, shut up Ben you don't know anything about blogs, Amy thought to herself while shaking her head, ”I’m documenting my journey from tier three to four ok, this helps, me relax and stuff” Ben looked down at his phone while scratching his head, ”you know you could use that thing to record yourself fighting crime, that could get your tier up” Amy lowered her camera and looked at Ben, a sad smile painting her face ”you know I've already tried that but, all I can find are common thugs and petty crimes so I just delete them after, because this is stuff a tier two hero could do Ben I need to be fighting supervillains or something”, Amy stated, Ben looked up from his phone scratching his head again, Amy looked back at him with a slightly troubled expression, ”hey why don't I be your cameraman” ”what you really mean that?” Amy blurted ”yeah we could go out find a villain worth your time and record the fight, the superhero governing bodies will have to make you a tier four hero after that,” effused Ben with great enthusiasm, Amy chuckled ”the governing bodies?” ”well, I don't know how it all works but yeah” Amy looked down pondering Bens idea, her face still slightly troubled ”you know you could die right Amy said with maturity, ”well so could you,” he snapped back ”yeah but I can dodge bullets,” Amy chuckled.

Getting comfy on the bed Ben starts recording with Amy's camera, ”you know id rather do this at my house why do we have to do this in your room, Ben?” Ben shuts the camera while sighing, ”because I want to, I don't fancy you or anything, and you just wasted a take by the way” Amy crossed her arms ”I don't care” Amy sassed ”ok let's try and be a little more likable this time ok” Been said quietly, Amy uncrossing her arms to lean forward in her chair ”dang where has this sass come from Ben” they both laughed, ”you know I appreciate your help right” proclaimed Amy while brushing her hair ready for the next take, Ben smiled ”I know, ok let's get this done” Ben pressed the record button an excited expression covering his face, ”ok Fox what are your powers exactly” ”well cameraman I'm glad you asked, after being abducted by aliens” Ben lowered the camera ”wait wait wait your going straight into the alien thing” ”well yeah they need to know how I got my powers, Ben” Amy said patronizingly, Ben scratched his head letting out a sigh, ”ok tell the story” Amy smiled ”ok after being abducted by aliens one night while I was sleeping, I woke up back in my bed with a tail” Bens face cringed slightly, ” yeah, I know a tail it was obvious that the aliens perform some kind of sick tests on me, I was horrified, or at least I would have been if I remembered anything, anyway my foxtail is really cool I can use it for balance, I can pretty much tightrope anything and gymnastics comes naturally to me now, I'm a lot faster now too” Ben interrupted her briskly ”how fast are you?” ”well, I can outrun a slow-moving car, hey don't interrupt me” Ben shut the camera, ”you know I think we should show not tell, let's get a video of you beating up thugs to show people how fast you are” the suggestion plastered Amys face with a grin wide enough to resemble a smile.

”oh my god, I look so cool in this mask” ”shut up Ben somebody will hear you, just focus on recording” ”where have you taken me anyway” quizzed Ben ”we look shady right now” he added ”I’m a superhero I know all the best places to catch people doing shady stuff, this place is ripe with purse snatchers”, Amy stated, the two characters hidden behind a large shrubbery waiting for a crime to intercept ”remember Amy this is too show off your speed and agility”, Amy nodded ”Amy look!!” out of the darkness a gang in dark red sports jackets emerged, ”a gang” Amy said silently, after coming into full view by the shine of a street light it was clear to see the gangs heavily modified baseball bats, ”hey Beaters what you doing in our turf” a voice shouted from the darkness, suddenly a group of men sprung from the darkness Amy shrunk down ”a gang war” Amy exclaimed Ben shivered the video camera now covered in sweat, ”Beaters don't belong on this side of town get lost before we cut you” the rival gang leader growled with a gravel in his throat, The Beaters gang stepped closer their metallic bats being swung left to right, ”I can stop this” Amy said quietly her fists clenched, faster than Ben could react Amy jumped from the shrubbery a gang member turned to her, ”a girl wait she's a super?” ”Its Fox-Girl actually,” she asserted loudly with a commanding voice, the gang member hit the floor shortly after, receiving a kick to the stomach jumping backwards to distance herself, Fox examined the two gangs stood in front of her but before she could plan an attack, two Beaters ran towards her swinging their bats, dodging both men's strikes, Fox took the opportunity to punch the first Beater in the chest sending him flying backward the other Beater slightly taken aback swung his bat at Foxes head, dodging it without looking, Fox jump several feet into the air to deliver a snapping kick to the Beaters face, Fox falling onto her back afterwards.

The rival gang members pulling out small knives lunching at Fox her animal instinct helping her dance out the way to avoiding any harm, she delivers several fast sweeping axe kicks knocking the rival gang unconscious ”oh my god Amy” Ben says his voice shook still hiding through the ordeal, the remaining Beaters outnumbering Fox twelve to one mount an attack together catching Fox in a circle, jumping over the shortest member to escape delving a punch mid-air Fox turns to roundhouse kick two men standing side by side taking both out simultaneously, after seeing this the remaining men turn to make their escape, apart from one, standing alone the Beaters gang member stares Amy down ”Fox-Girl huh?” he says with a thick New York City accent ”I wonder if your bulletproof” suddenly the man reveals a Glock pistol and fires it at Fox, with a combination of skill and instinct Amy summersaults around the bullets, each one missing her, the barrage bullets stops ”no I'm not bulletproof I'm just smart enough not to get shot” proud of her witty comeback Amy jumps to close the gap between her and the shooter, delivering a fast jumping scissor kick to the mans neck, he falls to the floor Amy ecstatic but also glad the fighting has finished runs over to Ben still filming with Amy's pink camera, ”I don't know what to say you really can dodge bullets” ”they aren't really as fast to me I guess its the fox in me” Amy laughs to herself, Ben looks at her his face covered with sweat and leaves, ”Amy we are gonna make you a tier four hero, and this oh this was just step one”

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[foreveregyptian]

DO ALL OF THE AESTHETIC ASKS (but not the ones you're uncomfortable answering)

flower crown: when did you last sing to yourself?

last monday in the gameroom a little louder than i should have

1975: what is the first happy memory that comes to mind, recent or otherwise?

any moment i’ve spent with people whose company i enjoy

matte: if you knew that in one year you would die suddenly, would you change anything about the way you are now living?

I would increase my voluntary salah, make some more dua, probably pray my salah with other people instead of alone, and go back to jumuah (i havent been going and i miss it). overall increase my rememberance of Allah

black nail polish: do you have a bucket list? if so, what are the top three things?

things id like to accomplish in this life inshaallah (based on first thing that comes to mind)

-memorize the Quran

-get married 

-travel with my future husband everywhere (inshaallah inshaallah)

pantone: describe a person close to your life in detail.

my mom honestly. sometimes we go on little adventures (thrift stores, short walks, cafes, or even grocery shopping) and she gets excited over the cutest things like teacups and stuff and she works so hard for her business and she balances so much on top of her normal responsibilities mashaallah shes such a great role model may Allah protect her and reward her for everything she does ameen

moodboard: do you feel you had a happy childhood?

I would say my childhood was average, there were a few times where ive gone through rough patches but theyve made me who i am today and I’m thankful for that. 

stars: when did you last cry in front of another person?

a couple nights ago in front of my mom, i got overwhelmed with a bunch of things that stressed me out and she knew something was up and she asked about it so i kind of cried a bit. 

plants: pick a person to stargaze with you and explain why you picked them.

my future husband (inshaallah). I dont know why, but it just seems that it should be him. stargazing seems like a really peaceful activity that requires comfortable quiet and that was the first thing that came to mind. 

converse: would you ever have a deep conversation with a stranger and open up to them?

not really.... considering the fact i’m kind of awkward at first meeting people. 

lace: when was your last 3am conversation with someone, and who were they to you?

with maryam, shes one of my best friends and im thankful for her

handwriting: if you were about to die, and you could only say one more sentence to one person, what would you say and to whom?

To anyone in the room, my shahaada (bearing witness that there is no God worthy of worship except Allah and that Prophet Muhammad peace be upon him is His servant and Messenger)

cactus: what is your opinion on brown eyes?

They’re calming to look into! 

sunrise: pick a quote and describe what it means to you personally.

Its a verse from the Quran that I feel like has affected my life alot, from surah Hashr ayah 59, the translation being “And be not like those who forgot Allah, so He made them forget themselves. Those are the defiantly disobedient.” along with surah Ra’d ayah 28, “Verily in the remembrance of Allah do hearts find rest”. Lately ive been feeling alot of anxiety for issues of this dunya, and at the same time i have to be honest but I wasnt 100% with remembering Allah. I was doing it, but it wasnt with the best intentions, and I’m trying to fix it. Alhamdulillah my chest is a bit lighter and I feel calmer, as if my heart is at more ease than it was before, subhanallah. 

overalls: what would you do with one billion dollars?

probably donate it to my community school, they really need the money for repairs. 

combat boots: are you a very forgiving person? do you like being this way?

I didnt used to be. I used to hold grudges for a long time until i realized it wasnt healthy and also it wasnt good. and then i was forgiving to people who had harmed me, but if anyone did anything to my friends i would stay mad at them even when my friends had forgiven them (at this point i was like okay tasneem chill). now i can say (alhamdulillah) that i have an okay level of forgiveness (better than what i used to have before).

winged eyeliner: write a hundred word letter to your twelve year old self.

Dont worry about what other people think about you because none of it matters in the end. You are beautiful. You will go through fake friends and one sided friendships and they will leave but you will find gems that will help you grow as a person and will be there for you and call you out on your mistakes for your sake so grit your teeth a bit more and ride it out, verily with hardship comes ease. drill that in your mind, repeat it, because you will go through so much difficulty and emptiness but none of it is in vain. You did not go to umd like you wanted but youre much happier here alhamdulillah and you’ll see why. 

pastel: would you describe yourself as more punk or pastel?

pastel! definetly pastel

tattoos: how do you feel about tattoos and piercings? explain.

I’ve been exposed to cultures where nose piercings are normal, and i have my ears pierced. for myself i wouldnt want to go past either of those but people are free to pierce whatever they want. Tattoos mehhhhhh i wont judge anyone who has them but theyre not allowed in Islam. personally i prefer henna. 

piercings: do you wear a lot of makeup? why/why not?

i wear whatever im in the mood/energy for on each given day, but if its a big even i do a full face (what i consider full face is foundation/concealer and my eyes/eyebrows, plus occasional highlight) I dont have time in my routine for eyeshadow or learning how to do it. On class days that i do wear it it’ll range from fresh face to eyebrows and eyeliner+mascara. 

messy bun: the world is listening. pick one sentence you would tell them.

Donald Trump, you are the shittiest human being in the world. (not changing this) 

cry baby: list the concerts you have been to and talk about how they make you feel.

(has not been to a concert)

beaches: if you had to dye your hair how would you dye/style it and why?

red bc its cool

eyes: pick five people to go on an excursion with you. who would you pick and where would you go/what would you do?

zaynub, maryam, hibaaq, afraah, and raneem and maybe somewhere in dc or an art museum or a city with cafes OH YEAH A CAT CAFE 

painting: what is the best halloween costume you have ever put together? if none, make one up.

i saw this fanart of a hijabi airbender and it was so freaking cool i wanted to do a costume party and do a hijabified avatar character bc thats sick as heck

lightning: what’s the worst thing you’ve ever done while drunk or high?

lol the most high ive been was at the dentist office off of laughing gas and my limbs were falling off the chair and i was laughing my head off 

thunder: what’s one thing you would never do for one million dollars?

kill someone

storms: you on only listen to one song for the rest of your life, or only see one person for the rest of your life. which and why?

i’d rather only listen to one song because i love the people i surround myself with and i cant choose just one. 

love: have you ever fallen in love? describe what it feels like to realise you’re in love.

for me it was kind of heart painful. my heart would miss the person a bit after they passed by and it would go on for months... wishing for another way to see them even if its just a few seconds, the feeling that you’ve met before and wish to meet again, and after a long time when you think you’re over them, they show up and it all starts over. 

clouds: if you’re a boy, would you ever rock black nail polish? if you’re a girl, would you ever rock really really short hair?

i’ve been told id look good in short hair and ive always wanted to try it?

coffee: what’s your starbucks order, and who would you trust to order for you, if anyone?

honestly my drinks vary but i usually like eating the turkey egg white sandwich. not even myself bc i never know what i want from there *nervous sweats*

marble: what is the most important thing to you in your life right now?

making it to Paradise via pleasing Allah (SWT)