#idk guys if you ever want to hear me rant for hours about media this is the one.

[girl-kendallroy]

fujoshi win if i do say so myself‼️‼️

[kaysutcliff-michaelis]

Aggretsuko rant after finishing season 5

I may mention things about past seasons so BEWARE SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT

AGGRETSUKO SPOILERS UNDER THE CUT, BE CAREFUL

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH

Season 5 had me yelling, talking to myself and feeling like I need to start rewatching it right this instant after finishing it so that I can process everything properly. I really want to read comments and reviews about it but I’ll wait until I’m done writing this so that whatever I read doesn’t influence my rant. And don’t expect any order, rhyme or reason here, I can’t be bothered to make this look like a proper text.

THEY FUCKING GOT MARRIED? WHAT? WHAT? EXCUSE ME WHAT THE ACTUAL FUCK?????

It was incredibly cute and sweet how they just felt it was their time and eloped, no perfect wedding, no cute bride with her dress and no anything, just Haida and Retsuko. Four seasons raging because she wanted to be a cute bride with her wedding dress in a chapel and she ends up getting married at the registry in the middle of the night, who would have guessed! HOWEVER, it makes me sad that we didn’t see more about it. No rings, no family and friends’ reactions, not even a mention about it. This is supposed to be the final season, so the way A LOT of things were left makes me extremely confused.

We don’t know what Haida’s new job is. We don’t know who was behind the truck attack. We don’t know how come there’s a picture of them with Retsuko’s family now. We don’t know what the deal with Tadano, Gori and Washimi is. We don’t know how the stunt worked for OTM’s social media numbers. We don’t know what happened to that guy who offered Haida the construction work. There are so many things we don’t know! Idk, the ending felt a bit lackluster precisely because the second the elections ended the season was over and it feels there wasn’t proper closure for some points.

And why couldn’t we hear Shikabane singing??? ;__; It almost made me tear up how Retsuko offered her the microphone at the end, I was really hoping to hear them singing together.

I could relate a lot to Shikabane throughout the season. Those feelings of hopelessness, loneliness and having to constantly do something to keep your mind occupied so that you don’t succumb to those thoughts have been incredibly present in my life for the last months (going to therapy and relying on my supportive partner to try and get myself out of it), so I totally get where she was coming from and why she acts the way she does until the end. Plus her character design is SO CUTE. The platform shoes, the ribbons, the colour palette! Had me wishing I looked as cool and fashionable as her!

But Haida. OMG HAIDA. THIS GUY NEVER LEARNS. He was making bad decisions during season 4, but THIS. Retsuko is so patient with him, if my partner was ever in that situation and hid it from me that would probably be a deal breaker. Not because of him being jobless and homeless, but because I’d feel he doesn’t trust me and thinks I’m not reliable or that I won’t help him. He gets on my nerves so much, sometimes he’s the perfect ship for Retsuko and sometimes he just self-sabotages to the point of almost ruining his life. Annoyance aside though, I feel like their struggles as a couple are very realistic and I enjoy that. The struggles of all the characters in general are realistic.

AND SPEAKING OF SHIKABANE, HAIDA AND THE WHOLE NET CAFE THING. I was so shocked because literally two days ago I was watching a video by Nekojita vlog (Spanish-Japanese couple who has been doing Youtube for some years now) talking about this topic, women who live in manga kisas either because they cannot afford an apartment (with the money it would get you just to pay rent you have food, showers, washing machines, drinks, internet and a place to sleep if you find a good deal) or because their lifestyle is more suited to this (maybe they work most of the day/night and it is better to rent a booth for a few hours to crash there than be bothering with rent, bills, neighbours and all that stuff). I found the topic super interesting and it was quite a surprise to see it was one of the main points of the season.

The second part of the season threw me off a bit with the whole “suddenly Retsuko is running up for Parliament” thingy, I really dislike politics and it felt a bit like propaganda, it reminded me of this random Modern Family arc in which Claire is running for the council. Despite that, I think some real-life issues that need urgent addressing were mentioned and it would be good if that raised awareness about them in Japan, like how difficult and expensive it is to have your child in kindergarten (me hating politics doesn’t mean I don’t know about how messed up things are there). It also made me feel bad that Manaka and Hyodo kinda sold Retsuko to this creepy Ikari guy just so that they could get free publicity for OTM Girls. And Tadano buying the net cafe so that he can have it for himself??? He left so many people like Shikabane homeless with that move, he could just have remodeled his apartment. Overall this second part had some great moments but some bad stuff that leaves a bittersweet taste for me. And it annoys me that we don’t know who attacked Haida at the end so that Retsuko would quit!! I was so worried that he would die or end at the hospital and in the end nothing really comes out of this event (except for the eloping) and the next day he’s there playing with her (extremely cool btw) like he didn’t get hit by a truck the day before.

Selling Retsuko to Ikari for clout aside, I honestly felt jealous (in a good way) for Retsuko’s support network. I rewatched the whole thing during February so that I would be ready for season 5 and something that really caught my attention was how she gets more and more allies and how much teamwork there is.

Gori and Washimi the best friends ever!

Tadano who saves the day each time he appears, Retsy and him are cut out to be a couple but they sure are to be friends and allies!

Tsunoda and Fenneko being the unexpected wingman team?? They carried so much of seasons 4 and 5.

Anai doing a 180 and going from crazy newbie to someone who legit cares about his coworkers! He has evolved so much thanks to Kabae and his gf!

Director Ton OMG DIRECTOR TON, went from villain to that brutally honest but really supportive person who sometimes seems to know her better than anyone! And his daughters being part of the action of seasons 3 and 4?? And the whole family teamwork at the end of season 4 when they were trying to get the flash drive???? Loved that.

Manaka and the bodyguards making sure Retsuko was safe (Manaka in general with that bat full of nails is super cool). Though she’s still Manaka, 90% of the time I really like her but the other 10% I think she doesn’t care who she has to sacrifice for her idol career... Same goes for Hyodo.

It’s so wholesome to see how much she has evolved since the first season and how she relies on others and her trust is being rewarded.

I don’t really know what to think of her parents though. Her mother seems to have good intentions on the last seasons but in season 2 she’s just the most nosy and meddlesome mother ever. AND DON’T GET ME STARTED ON HAIDA’S FAMILY. I honestly feel bad for his mother, she looked so kind and she has to deal with crazy obsessive Juzo and Jiro. So manipulative, so money-centered, I don’t believe ONE BIT, what Jiro said about him not being behind the truck attack. And if he wasn’t him, it was their dad, how else would he know about what happened? I wanted Haida and Retsuko to tell them to shut their mouths and go to hell SO MUCH.

Random, but the Juliana’s references throughout the series gave me life XD The Bubbly Land ad made me crack up.

So no that the series is supposedly over, I think my fave season is season 3. To me it was perfect in every aspect: the plot, the character designs, the pacing, the ending, the soundtrack... Second place is shared by the Tadano arc in season 2 and the net cafe arc in season 5. Then we have the second part of season 4, all of season 1 and the second part of season 5. And finally the beginning of seasons 2 and 4. Not that Aggretsuko has any bad seasons or episodes, but I certainly cherish some more than others.

I said it before but I really think like I need to watch the season again to process everything that happened and gather my thoughts on it. Maybe I’ll do that tomorrow or in a few days, maybe not. If this is the end, I want to say that since I watched Retsuko for the first time I have related A LOT to the characters and their situations at different points of my life or regarding different aspects of it. The show has got me through so many shifts and has felt so cathartic when I was done with my job and wanted to death voice all my customers and coworkers. I’m so grateful that this show exists to drop a sea urchin in the desert from time to time and remind us that things aren’t as hopeless as they may seem.

[goremet-chef]

i wish i existed for like. me? i think thats not coming across how i want but what im saying is right (ramble/rant)

im mentally ill like most people are hello mento illness community but ? ive spent a lot of time reflecting and adapting and ITS KINDA SAD ive just learned to co-exist with this shit even when there is technically some kind of cure somewhere. i remember my therapist told me i find too much comfort in my sadness and thats still true, but like. IDK im living still which is good

cuz ive spent so much time with self reflection i just get it bro 😭😭 i know how to handle other people with bpd pretty well, like. ill do things specifically NO MATTER WHO IT IS whether they have bpd or not i wanna make sure i dont accidentally give anyone RSD if i can help it yknow? pick my words carefully and i try my best to speak in a way that lets people know i want to include them cuz i feel excluded a lot

same with depression, obviously i dont have pretty tiktok depression ive got sleep for 12 hours dont take care of my body rot in my room type but i see it so???? ITS LIKE THAT ONE POST LIKE " 'people get so depressed they dont brush their teeth??? 😰' people get so depressed they kill themselves" LIKE.. ITS CRAZY SKJFSF its just the sad reality with all mental illness, if its not aesthetic and if yr displaying negative symptoms, people arent activists anymore, they dont really care. theyll degrade and dehumanize you just like everyone else

SO i do my best to make sure ? idk i GET IT, so i want to make sure if anyone feels that way, they know i wont degrade them either, that i wont feel disgusted with them or what have you

I JUST WISH THAT LIKE. lord knows i dont want to be friends with myself ew that guy sucks but sometimes i wish the people around me felt more like i do. my family does just think im disgusting even when i explain i dont have the energy to even move sometimes, im constantly suppressing my sadness, rage, even my joy. constantly holding my mouth shut whenever something upsets me and makes me feel rejected cuz i know no one is gonna understand unless they go through what i go through

cuz i know how tiring it is, idk i just want other people to know that i see you and yr not awful for being mentally ill. really tired of all the stigma surrounding various mental disorders cuz it like. it seems like it never goes away???? no matter how much systems scream about DID rep in media it never gets any better (the best example i can think of in recent is moon knight and that still has its flaws), no matter how many bpd support groups there are people still think yr an abuser the second they hear you have it, same with npd and honestly all the cluster b disorders. the seriousness of depression and anxiety is often overlooked, autism and adhd are either glamorized like hell or completely looked down upon, its so. dumb

the problem is, once they learn you are mentally ill in some way, you no longer have a voice. because yr crazy and why should they listen to you? thats how they feel basically. they see us as like. subhuman?? not well enough to make our own decisions apparently, which is so sad and so fucked up. instead of helping you cope with these problems, they just strip away yr humanity. so if they wont make us feel welcome, i can at least do my part to make other people feel welcome, yknow?

i just wish that people would do that for me 😔 no one ever disputes that im disgusting or lazy, they always shit on me for being so anxious and paranoid, like my entire existence is a burden on the people i know. the only way to not feel like that is if i never share my mental issues to begin with, which has its own problems. i do have some people who treat me well despite my flaws, but a majority dont. guess thats just reality for people like me

[xxsakuragirlxx]

30 Questions

Rules: Answer 30 questions and tag 20 blogs you

are contractually obligated to know better.

I wanted to tag some christian bloggers but I'm to scared, so I'm just not gonna tag anybody. So who ever sees this and wants to do this from my blog, go right ahead lol

Thank you for tagging me @bubblegumnebulaa !

1. Name/Nickname: Nikia/ Nikki / Sakura / Saki (I call myself those last two names. For what reason? I still don't know.)

2. Gender: Female

3. Star sign: I'm not into star signs but I'll answer; Gemini

4. Height: I haven't properly checked my height for years, but I'm around 5'4 or 5'5 right now? (It's kinda sad that for a girl my age, I can't even tell my own height 😔 I would blame my family for not teaching me but it's mostly my fault for not teaching myself common sense.)

5. Time: 5:31 p.m.

6. Birthday: June 16th

7. Favorite bands: I don't really have a favorite band, I just listen to whatever music pleases me (mostly Korean or Christian music) but I will say that For KING and COUNTRY songs (they are a duo of Christian singers) slaps!

8. Favorite solo artists: Same answer as last question. I just listen to whatever music pleases me so I don't have a favorite artist. Actually, I can answer this question. It's just one artist however. His name is KB. He is a Christian Hip-hop artist. My man makes really good music.

9. Song stuck in my head: Song? Nah, it's multiple songs being stuck on repeat in my head at the same time and I can't even differentiate between any of them. But one I can say right now that I have stuck on repeat is the song "Angels We Have Heard On High" by For KING and COUNTRY.

10. Last movie I watched: I can't even remember lol

11. Last show I watched: Spongebob Squarepants ( I stay up really late at night so I keep seeing this show on repeat.)

12. When did I create this blog: According to my tumblr archive, I started this blog in May of 2016 but only became active from reblogging from others in December of the same year.

13. What do you post: Basically nothing. Sometimes something, but nothing 😂. If you were to take away all my reblogs from here, my blog would be BARE.

14. Last thing googled: "How to complete food delivery quest for Genshin Impact" (If you play the game, the food event was freaking annoying to finish...)

15. Other blogs: I don't have any other blogs on here. Just other social media accounts I don't use.

16. Do I get asks: Rarely

17. Why I chose my URL: I have no idea lol. I'm not really that creative so I just put one of my OC's name with the word girl and BOOM there you go! I've been created!

18. Following: 425

19. Followers: 138 (mostly porn blogs...)

20. Average hours of sleep: Maybe around 2 to 3 hours? I said before I don't really sleep at night. So I sleep during the day and afternoon.

21. Lucky number: 7

22. Instruments: I play piano as of right now. Use to play the flute back when I was in band. I don't play constantly because I'm... kinda sad? Idk, I just have no motivation anymore to do things I love anymore. I just sleep all day, stare at my phone, and become paranoid at every sound I hear. And with everybody talking about what's gonna happen on the 21st, I just gave up. I'm tired... (Didn't mean to rant)

23. What am I wearing: The question is, what am I NOT wearing? Ok jk jk. I'm wearing my old red band T-shirt with some shorts.

24. Dream job: Don't have one. I use to love acting and took a two year acting course at school. Use to act in plays and people said I did great for a shy girl. Wanted to go to Hollywood but realize I ain't about to do the horrid shit they do there and become one of those people who get "cancelled" for having a different opinion :) Other than that, I don't care about a job. Besides, I probably won't make it to the age of getting a proper career.

25. Deam trip(s): Japan, South Korea, Guyana, Hawaii (my school has a lady who use to travel a lot before becoming teacher, so she decided to plan trips for people to sign up for if she can afford it with some company. It can only be in the United States however. I was one of the lucky ones to sign up quickly this year, because she can only take a few people, and the trip for 2021 will be going to Hawaii. I was allowed to let my mother come because I don't have friends really so hopefully, June of 2021 will be the best trip my mother has ever taken.

26. Favorite foods: I have Guyanese blood in me. My whole family is from there, but decided to move to America. I'm tired of living in a state and county that has horrid food that is not healthy for us. Ok, I wouldn't say the country has bad food in general, but I live in Mississippi. The only thing I can afford is junk food because Walmart doesn't want to keep their fruits and vegetables fresh enough and my family can't afford to go to another Walmart here in the state just to make us eat healthy 😒. Ok back to my point lol. Whenever we get the chance, we eat a lot of Guyanese food or just Carribean foods in general. They taste better than America food. If my family didn't leave home, we would have access to a bunch of fruits and vegetables for FREE.

27. Nationality (with my ethnicity???): As stated before, I got Guyanese blood. My ethnicity you could say is African American, mixed with Indian and with some Portuguese( I don't freaking know honestly, I got to look more into nationality and ethnics) But I'm an American citizen because I was born during the time when my family came here. Soooooo, American? ( I'm telling you guys, me being the age I am, I got no right being this damn dumb 💀)

28. Favorite song: Like the other two questions dealing with music, whatever pleases me. But I'll just say the same thing as before "Angels We Have Heard on High" by For KING & COUNTRY.

29. Last book read: My Hero Academia: Vigilantes Volume 2

30. Top three fictional universes I would like to live in: JoJo's bizarre Adventures, My Hero Academia, and Keeper of the Lost Cities. (It's a book series lol, it's really nice.)

Wowzers, that took long. Again, thank you @bubblegumnebulaa for tagging me :)

[2ugars]

ੈ♡˳ having a crush on hyuck, part one.

an au of the high school senior!hyuck au.

you met your best friend, dahyun, when you were in seventh grade

after the little science experiment mishap during the second half of the year that involved bubbles and the weird smell of pee,

you and dahyun were almost inseparable!

you loved her lots

especially when she made you cry from laughter instead of crying over some boy who pushed you over during a field trip

you knew everything about her

she’d hiccup when she’d get scared,

she likes the color blue the most and absolutely despises hot pink,

dahyun’s nickname is duckie,

and finally, she was an only child!

cue:                                                                      donghyuck

you: “have you heard of lee donghyuck? the one who face-planted in the mud while looking for soil samples for ms. berklee’s science class? i heard he’s a bit strange…”

dahyun, laughing nervously: “yeah… that’s.         he’s my twin brother”

you:

you: “i’m sorry what”

THSI WAS LIKE A MONTH INTO UR BEST FRIENDSHIP OK LAMAO

but yeah not the best way to be Informed that there are actually two (2) of your best friend,

just .

one is a little . . . . . . .. 

dumber

and louder

and

boy-er

than the first one

turns out dahyun’s the oldest twin by three minutes

and apparently those three minutes was enough time for dahyun to absorb Mental Older Sibling Energy

there were plenty of situations where you found yourself having to endure a bickering session between (literally and figuratively) the two

donghyuck’s salty that he’s the younger one and dahyun uses those three minutes to her advantage for the better

and for the worse

frankly, it was a little awkward between you and donghyuck at first because you didn’t know how to act around your best friend’s . twin brother. . . …. . ..

like one day when you were in eighth grade you went to the lee household

and it turned out dahyun was still off somewhere running errands for mama lee

so the one who accompanied you until dahyun arrived,

was none other than donghyuck !

(thereafter, mama lee would always force him to accompany you if ever that happened again)

(it was only until you guys started being okay w each other that he accompanied you without mama lee asking)

(rip)

you were in the living room with a sort of tense, awkward silence between you two.

but maybe it was just you being paranoid!!!!!

because there hyuck was, in all his thirteen-year-old boy glory,

playing slither io with an ice cream power cap dangling from the corner of his mouth,

completely ignoring you as you scrolled through social media.

he didn’t turn to talk to you at all throughout the hour dahyun was away

and when she finally arrived,

he looked up,

spotted her,

then gathered his belongings,

before going straight to his room.

you: “bro does your brother hate me”

dahyun: “??????no??????i’ll beat him up if he does?????why???”

you: “idk, it just feels like he does…”

dahyun: “look, honestly, if he doesn’t talk to you, it actually means he’s pretty comfy. not that comfortable, obviously, but comfortable enough. you know?”

you: “ .       huh”

dahyun: “it’s weird. he’s weird. you’re fine.”

after dahyun’s constant reassurances that “everything was fine” and that he was pretty ~~~chill~~~

you forced yourself to started regularly treating donghyuck like you would a good or close friend

by the time you did so, the three of you were in junior year

and it all began w Food

you would offer the boy a bite of your food every now and then and at first, he would politely say no

a month later into the school year, you’d offer and he would agree

three months in, he started to ask if he could have a bite

six months in, he would come over if you had food, wordlessly take a bite, and waddle away while muffling out what sounded like a “thanks”

in senior year (currently),

once everything between you and hyuck settled into place,

he would quietly stand beside you until you would offer

and he would lean over and take a huge bite

that one would result in a Very Violent kick to the Butt

it’s all fun and games!!!!!11!!

donghyuck started teasing you and making fun of you

like you had your hair up in a bun once, okay

you were walking down the school hallways, minding your own business

then you hear someone running up behind you

and suddenly grabbing hold of your bun and using it as if it was a shifter with Vroom Vroom noises to finish!!!

u look up,,,,,,, ,, , ,

to see hyuck smiling at u very cheekily

(he’s so h*ckin annoygin.   god .)

and you’ve whacked him so much to the point he’d flinch

and cover his stomach every time you’d move your hand towards him

(you apologized profusely the first time you noticed and he, of course, played victim even if he wasn’t at all bothered)

you’d exchange fondly exasperated looks with dahyun

together,

w ur Best Friend Telepathy

ur ……. Palepathy. if u will .

i’ll stop now i PROMISE

whenever hyuck would do somethig stupid

which was all the time

it’s a wonder how your eyes aren’t stuck to the back of your head with how much you rolled your eyes at him

things were fine!

fine and dandy!

until he starts seeming like . not a good friend

soon he starts seeming like a b*y

a very C*te one at that

a C*te B*y

and so what do u do w this newfound information?

well u panic of course!

and it went a little smth like this:

donghyuck approaches you after school one day, having just come from his chinese class,

while you start to place your books and laptop in your bag.

when you see him, you find it odd, knowing that he doesn’t really visit you at your locker (especially if dahyun wasn’t there)

but you nonetheless beam up at him when he walks up to you.

“tired?” you ask him, noticing that his usually bright eyes have a dull, sleepy glaze to them.

he nods, smiling at you slightly. “liu laoshi had us do a writing exam for the first hour of class. i spent half that time looking outside.”

“there’s not much of a view outside, though,” you say, an amused smile playing on your lips.

“eh, the sky’s gray enough for me to be entertained.” he gently gives a knock on dahyun’s locker door. “did she get the chocolates?”

“yup, it’s still there,” you say, opening her locker (dahyun never used the lock) and revealing the surprisingly organized interior — which is a contrast to your messy locker with old assignments pushed to the back and books precariously piled atop each other.

one square of chocolate sits neatly on dahyun’s ap biology book.

donghyuck snorts. “god, she really had to leave it for an after-school snack, huh??”

“you know your sister.” you respond laughingly. “how’d you know that someone put chocolate in her locker anyways??”

the boy squints at you.

“oh, it was you??”

“obviously. who else?? no one in this school likes dahyun enough to get her chocolate. psh.”

you whack his chest. “you say that as if she wasn’t nominated, and won, class president of senior year.”

donghyuck grins widely, cackling as he backs up a step to avoid your hit. when the both of you settle down, he leans forward to peek into your locker. you follow his line of sight, suddenly getting embarrassed from the chaos within your locker.

“i was gonna give you one too, but i didn’t want to place it on your—“

“my papers? don’t worry, it’s a mess in there anyways—“

“no, your little blanket.”

he briefly picks up said your blanket — a lap blanket;

one that’s a very pale lilac with cute white hearts embroidered onto the fluffy cloth, one that’s mostly to chase the classroom chill away during classes with dr. grace, and one that’s being held by donghyuck right now. he rubs the material between his fingers, seemingly entertained by the softness.

“you can use it if ever you want to take a nap during study hall,” you say.

he contemplates for a moment then throws the thing back inside, closing your locker door. “nah. unlike you, i actually do work during my study hall.” he quips, then straightens, looking down at you with an air of importance.

“shut up,” you say, pushing at his bicep in retaliation.

then you spot a stray eyelash on his cheek while he’s talking, and you’re humming to show that you’re listening to him rant about soccer, and on impulse, you reach up,

and brush it away.

it’s a minuscule moment.

it’s fleeting.

and you don’t think too much of it, because it’s over and done with in literally a second.

but when you get it off of him, you don’t notice that hyuck is looking at you very intently.

more people start exiting classrooms and heading to their lockers and with this, you absentmindedly return to packing up your bag. you look up to see hyuck standing there, his gaze elsewhere.

“i’ll see you later?”

hyuck’s eyes meet yours and he smiles. “yeah. maybe sooner, actually, since you basically live at our house now.”

“your parents love me is why.”

he gags.

“go away,” you laugh, pushing him away. he giggles then leaves with a small skip in his step, and you see him tackle jeno just as the poor boy steps foot from his honors algebra class.

you shake your head fondly and close your locker door after retrieving your scarf, leaning on the door as you wait for dahyun.

it doesn’t take long for you to recall the situation at hand just minutes ago,

and when you lean your head back to close your eyes to ease a short dizzy spell……

a jarring thought enters your mind.

i never realized there was a mole under hyuck’s eye. was it a mole? a freckle? trick of the light? fleck of stardust, perhaps?

wait.

what the heck.

you raise your head so quickly you see stars, some of which, you realize in frustration, closely resemble the moles on hyuck’s neck.

dahyun appears next to you with a bright smile and a heavy backpack and gives you a strange look as she opens her locker.

“you good there?” she asks, popping the chocolate into her mouth while beginning to take some unneeded books from her bag to lighten the load.

you laugh sheepishly. “uh…yeah.”

“alright. you coming over later?”

“don’t think so,” you say after thinking about it.

“homework?”

“yeah,” you smile as the both of you start walking out of the building, “i have some research to do.”

later……,,,,,,

google search: wht do u do if u start likign ur best friend’s twin brotheaaaAAAA NO

you close your laptop lid with a firm thud and move it away from you, hugging your legs to your chest

you Don’t knwo what the HEK TO DO!!!!!!!!!!

because here you are, unsure if you have feelings for your best friend’s brother and oh no, you’re really hoping donghyuck didn’t think you were some type of weirdo for keeping a little blanket in your locker, it’s just that dr. grace’s classroom is so damn cold and—

wait 

When Did This Ever Both er y you

you fall backwards onto your bed, looking at the ceiling, mind discombobulated

in the following few weeks, as you battle with your emotions and what’s left of your sanity

(thanks, senioritis!)

you start noticing things you’ve never noticed about you and hyuck that happens so frequently,

with so much ease,

and nonchalance .

you always knew that he was fine with sharing food, that was for sure, but has he always been so tall that he needed to actually bend over a little to take a bite from your croissant?

the answer is yes.

unfortunately.

and what is with boys (donghyuck, mostly) and their tendency to crack thumb knuckles????? (yours, specifically)

it was only until recently that you noticed how at ease and how gentle hyuck is when he takes your hand in his, 

that oftentimes you don’t pay mind to him, your attention more focused on people you’re talk to or your work,

and the only time you’d entertain his knuckle-cracking ministrations would be when he’d look at you to gauge your reaction

and you’d give him an enthusiastic nod as a good job, you have relieved the arthritis in my thumb!!!!! my savior!!!!!

and every time you’d forget your jacket or cardigan at home, you’d simply walk up to him and look at him a certain way and he’d sigh and take his hoodie from his locker and chuck it at you

hyuck: “you’re doing this on purpose aren’t you”

you: “no i swear this’ll be the last time i’ll ask you for your hoodie—“

hyuck: “the last time you said ‘last time’ was FOUR DAYS AGO”

you: “but—“

hyuck: “AND YOU DON’T EVEN ASK ANYMORE, YOU JUST STAND THERE.”

you: “???????but—???”

hyuck: “AND LIKE. WHAT AM I SUPPOSED TO DO. SAY NO???”

you: “i mean…you could say no if it bothered you that muc—“

hyuck: “OF COURSE NOT!!!!!!!! i swear it’s like pavlov’s dog all over again…”

you: “what…what’s the correlation…”

hyuck: “bro .   Bro. every time you’re within a two-step radius, i catch myself taking my hoodie off.”

you: “that isn’t???? that isn’t remotely related to—????????”

hyuck: “this is borderline SEXUAL HARASSMENT.”

you: “!??!?!??!?!?!?!??!?!?!??!”

coincidentally, hyuck would have a brief five minute break during a class at the same time you would have a study hall

on days he’d feel tired or bored, he’d come and visit you in the library where you would be working or reading

all he would do is flop on the chairs across from you, complain about the assignments, maybe doze a little, and then head on his way back to class

on the days he’d feel a little more human thanks to the wonderful invention that is Hot Bean Juice (…….coffee….)

he’d linger behind you while you’re seated on the chair,

hands placed on the backboard of said chair and on either side of your frame

and literally. hovering over you.

so that if you looked up, the tip of your nose would poke at his chest

on the days that he’d feel clingier, he’d flop down next to you, especially if you were on a couch, and lean against you briefly to take a look at what you’re working on

and the thing is!!!

THE THING IS!!!!!!!!

his class is on the other side of the building!!!!!!and two floors up!!!!!!!

so he has to RUN!!!!!!to get back to class sometimes!!!!!!

and when you realized this!!!!!! !!cue heart malfunction goodbye, y/n

you try not to overthink it

you really do

but it’s hard

even still, you try not to distance yourself too much with donghyuck

because you know that it’s not fair for him to feel confused even if you feel confused

so you act as if everything is fine!

which, really, it is, for the most part

you still walk with the lee twins upstairs to your lockers before school starts and downstairs to your buses after school

if dahyun is running late or has to go somewhere to do something, donghyuck and you still go ahead and walk together

you still punch him when he makes fun of you or when he scares you

he still makes you shriek from laughter and snort out milk from your nostrils

“i might as well be a quarter in love with your brother,” you jokingly said to dahyun in sophomore year, and she gagged in response before throwing her head back, laughing.

you’d said this right after donghyuck tried to trip renjun while renjun was skipping down the hallways. donghyuck ended up being choked.

but he was laughing hysterically, hiccuping in between giggles, and the scene had made you squeal softly and your heart do a weird spasm thing.

everything was the same.

the only difference was that you were probably a little more than a quarter in love with donghyuck, at this point

maybe two-thirds?

yeah

maybe

it’ll fade away soon, you tell yourself.

winter break is coming soon.

three weeks is enough time for your crush on your best friend’s twin brother to fade away, right???

right…??

(hint:      no.)

[pierregasly]

You okay? You haven’t been very active last days

Awe, thanks for asking. It’s kinda a bit long but here it goes.

Pretty much in April my ex broke up with me over the phone during quarantine literally just throwing away the whole future we had planned because he’s chosen without mentioning it to be at all to go to a different country for Uni and he wanted to have “a fun summer” without depression of having us both saying goodbye. We’d been dating for fifteen months, talking for sixteen and it was a really really passionate relationship with a lot of high emotion from both parties. However, a lot of high emotion leads to volatility which is why the last six months of our relationship was really toxic and brought my mental health down to a point where I had so much anxiety I went down from 46 to 41 kilos just purely because of not eating due to stress.

Moving on, our relationship became sorta toxic because of my ex. He has a huge ego, is very competitive and we’re both really into debating. He started to make everything a competition between us and he would go off on the smallest things. Like he would call be every hour or thirty minutes when I was hanging out with friends or I wanted him to smoke hookah a little less and he broke our agreement but when I tried weed one time he went literally ballistic. No, it wasn’t an abusive relationship. The atmosphere was just... really toxic. We both were on the debate team and I kept winning while he kept losing and he always sorta resented me for that, like he felt so threatened that I was doing better than him in school... or debate... or in my personal life.

So yeah, us breaking up was a good thing but it doesn’t stop there. We really really loved each other. And love doesn’t conquer all, you know? Anyways, he broke up with me in early April and didn’t contact me for two whole months. We went from talking everyday to talking zero times in two months. However, the next time we did meet he proposed a meeting under the guise of he needed to get his stuff. So he shows up at my house, gets his stuff and then stays for three hours pleading and saying like he made a mistake, a rash mistake and I kinda told him... no. And honestly it was the hardest thing I ever had to do because we still loved each other so much but he hadn’t changed at all. So, that following week, we had a house party for graduating seniors. The entire night, he made out with one of my friends in front of me because he wanted to make sure I had a really shitty night. And yeah... it wasn’t nice. But I had a lot of guys trying to get with me and, we’ll, his best friend of ten years was one of them. His best friend made a move and I owed nothing to my ex so I went with it, we’re friends after all.

He isn’t really close with his best friend anymore because he’s really jealous and hurt his best friend did that. Which I understand but at the end of the day... all his friends were pissed at him at this party because he kept getting jealous whenever I was with a guy and just staying in my own lane even tho HE broke up with me and shit over the phone... The following week at another party that he wasn’t invited to, he removed me from our last media of contact we still had each other on and I didn’t hear from him for another month and a half.

Flash to my birthday. August 3. It’s 1 am and he called me out of the blue wishing me a happy birthday. I really wasn’t... thrilled. At this point I was finally okay. I had moved on mentally (of course your heart still stays with the people you once loved), I had a great friend group around me, I finally was able to start gifing and writing again because I felt really... happy. Really good about myself. Like the best I’ve felt about myself in like a decade. I even got my weight up to 45 kilos after going on a diet to gain weight! And my ex’s entire phone call I was speaking so strong but my fucking body was shaking so hard. I know it sounds stupid but I was so fucking scared because I had finally rebuilt myself and I knew this person would have the power to bring me right back down.

On my birthday, we saw each other. We hung out at his house, I spent the night. He looked so fucking miserable. He had so much guilt and regret over what he did to me in his eyes but it seemed like he spent the entire day just trying to make it up to me. It broke my fucking heart because he kept asking me to be more affectionate and I told him no, he’s not my boyfriend and after all he did, he doesn’t deserve it. He would kinda try to... play the field. As in he would say things like “I love you” and then see my reaction and then base his next action off of that reaction. He said “I love you”, I made a face, and he played it off like a joke. He was trying to take the upper hand as usual but I didn’t let him. When I left he told me if I ever wanted to hang out, we could.

I didn’t take that too seriously but my dad left for a few days last week so my brother invited a friend and I invited my ex just to drink and have a good time. At the end of the day, my ex said we’re friends even tho he’s the one who cut me off. My ex’s problem is that he really wants desperately he get back together, to be together again because he still loves me but I don’t want that to happen. Maybe in the future when he’s a changed and better person but for now like... no. Even tho it really hurts. Anyways we had a perfect night. I basically left loose and told him all that he did wrong... that what he did really hurt me... that he’s selfish, unkind and takes people for granted. I told him I pitied him because he sees the world so negatively when there is so much beauty around him. He didn’t try and argue... he just got really sad and told me he understood. He also told me he loved me and didn’t take it back. His eyes looked so fucking crushed because he knew how badly he fucked up. He was throwing compliments about my to my brother, he couldn’t keep his hands off me and when he held me, his fist would clench in my shirt like he was desperately trying to keep hold of me.

We’re essentially just two people who understand that he has to go through a lot of change before we can ever be right for each other again. We love each other so much but even he admitted... he’s just not right for me and he’s not good. He wants to change but he just doesn’t know how, how he’s acted is really all that he knows. Anyways... he spent the night and I kinda knew it was going to be the last time we see each other for months, maybe years, maybe a decade. And he just layed in bed like he really really didn’t want to have to go even though he knew he was going to have to. That’s it. We left on good terms. He’s still in love with me.

To answer your question, for the first time in a long time and I’m just going to be honest. I’m not okay. I’m really not okay. He’s right, he’s not good for me. But it really sucks that his selfish actions and his decisions just did that... to us. I will always love him but I’m not in love with him anymore. We click so well, and we’ve both never found another person whether family, friend or more intimate that we’ve each clicked for. Who knows... maybe one days I’ll meet a better version of him and I’ll take him back when I see he’s more mature and changed. But for now... I was okay until this month when he just decided to slip back into my life. And it doesn’t feel fair. It doesn’t feel fucking fair that I rebuilt myself and I was doing the best I ever had just for him to come back into my life and remind me of his presence.

It’s not like I had forgotten about things like how his hair feels, his accent, his scent or his mannerisms... I hadn’t. Him being around just reminded me of them. And I was doing so well. I had truly moved on mentally in life and was doing the best I ever had. I cry maybe once a year... and now I’m crying literally five times a day because I miss him so much and it hurts having to realize that we’re both strangers who are going to live completely separate lives. It hurts so bad I can’t even explain it really and the writer in me just doesn’t idk.

I’m really sorry for his rant. I have a lot on my chest. I really really am not doing okay. I basically went back two months recovery, back to a point where I can barely get myself to do anything and I just feel really hurt. Its not the worst thing that ever happened to me... but I lost my best friend and a boyfriend, a person I loved so fucking dearly and had all those passionate cliche movie first loved with. It’s the worst thing too knowing that we both still love each other so much but we know it’s not right. It’s not right for us. I can’t be there to help him along the way and he needs to find himself and his own path in life. Love doesn’t conquer all but I think that’s okay. You know? I have to delete a good quali lap for a chance at a great one. I was really looking forward to going to college, starting over and getting out of this city full of memories... but I can’t because my Uni is online first semester so I’m still here. Again... sorry for the rant.

[prorevenge]

Racist mom tries to bribe son to dump me, I gain power over everything she cares about.

This is gonna be a LONG post lol, may have gotten exact timing sequences out of order.

Met a guy that we had mutual friends with and invited him to hang out with my friends and do fun stuff. Later learned he was not even allowed to hang out with my crowd cuz his mother was the very strict and hypocritical sort who thought everyone else was inferior to her precious kids. Guy was telling them he was doing work or something. Eventually he told them he wanted to date me and they flipped. The dad doesn’t have much say in the house and the mom (EM) was livid.

You know how Amish people don’t like rock and “sinful” music? Or females that wear shorts and tanks? Yuuup basically her. She went through my social medias and literally compiled and printed out giant lists of every country song I’d ever posted or concert I’d been to or clothing she thought was too provocative along and gave it to the pastors at both of our churches. EP called MY mom at 2am a couple times to rant and rave about “how could she let her daughter do such sinful things and flirt with boys yada yada yada”. She made racist remarks to Guy (I’m a super cute half Asian half messican, and all of his family is pale white golden haired angels) and even asked him if I’d molested him (I’m 5’ 2” and he’s literally a foot taller than me) and if that’s why he wanted to date and marry me. He was still at home and they went on a family trip to Colorado. Or as it turned out to be an exorcism style prayer meeting over Guy because EM just knows there must be a demon or something wrong with him. Oh and this was only within a span of a few months while he saved up to move the hell out.

Nope not over yet. EM then was harassing his work, his new church pastors (mine), his friends, got one of his business partners to leave him with lies that Guy is “bipolar” and “Schizophrenic”, thankfully most of the people had our back and we had some good laughs over what outrageous things they told us. Even driving an hour and a half to his apartment (I know dumb move to let them know where he moved to), in the middle of the night a couple times to harass and berate him and blubber about how everyone would judge her and how her reputation was going to suffer and church standing, she even dragged his two younger siblings into it all and told him they were heartbroken that he moved out and all the reasons he needed to move back home. Cue even more fun, one night he was just done so when they showed up to again try and bully him into moving back home or at least dumping me, he just up and left. Got in his mini and drove away. AND THEY FOLLOWED HIM. Unbelievable right? He used to race his mini so he lost them pretty quickly and booked it over to where I lived and spent the night there. I know, why not call the cops right? Well there was no physical damage or threats thereof. Yes she’s been verbally and borderline physically abusive to him growing up, think patriarchy super conservatives but it’s a matriarchy. At one point EM asked Guy what it would take for him to dump me, what amount of money could she pay him (Guys dad makes buttloads of moola, yeah those kind of people) to get me out of his life and for him to move back home. SHE TRIED TO BRIBE HIM TO LEAVE ME. She’d threatened to disown him and all the typical rich EP stuff before and knew he didn’t care. EM even called all his guy friends and asked if Guy has ever had any “homosexual” tendencies etc. Next month Guy proposed, and EM was SO MAD that she heard about it for the first time from a mutual friend congratulating her on the upcoming wedding! So of course she calls all the pastors and REEEEs about how we’ve been living in sin (kicker, we hadn’t even done the dirty dance but she didn’t bother asking) and telling everyone that they shouldn’t attend the wedding etc. Yea call us prudes :p EM also printed out all the reasons why I wasn’t good enough for her son and handed those out like candy to church leaders. Then when that had no effect she switched tactics and did the same thing with all her reasons why he was immature and shouldn’t get married and should move back home and be parented. Still no effect, except my dad at a huge meeting where she tried to distribute those, gathered them all back up and handed them to her and told her to stop slandering us and said how ungodly that was. And she stood there baffled and all the other people present agreed with my dad and told her to put those papers away. EMs exact words “but but I thought the very reason everyone is here is to show Guy why he needs to leave that girl and move back home!” I couldn’t help a giggle and a few other people couldn’t either. That meeting is a whole nother story, it was hilarious.

Where is the revenge you ask? Well all that was just the tip of the iceberg of course, but the revenge has been pretty simple. Spend a few obvious nights (SLEEPING ONLY) at his place, just to trigger her, but ofc our pastors and friends knew we’d committed to abstinence our entire lives up to the wedding (hella yea wedding night was killer) and other things like that to get under her skin but nothing that anyone else thought was bad. Very publicly plan and execute a HUGE wedding (over 500 people) and tell everyone about how our relationship is so beautiful and holy and how Gods destiny brought us together yada yada. She made a couple extra hoops for our pastors but we jumped through them with flying colors and everyone except her thought we were the cutest most Christian kosher thing. So basically to save face she had to fake smile and accept all the congratulations and be secretly embarrassed that we didn’t invite her to the wedding showers (she said she never wanted to see me and wouldn’t go to the wedding) and made excuses as to why she hadn’t gone, EM couldn’t tell her friends that we hadn’t invited her now could she? She went after the best man too and he almost decided against being the best man she was such a hassle and he was a pushover, but I told him the best passive way to deal with her is tell her that he wants to be there for his friend and how could she argue with that? She didn’t. But of course, what’s better than forcing her to attend the wedding but not allowing her to ruin it? Extremely petty I know, but I’m a drama llama and have enjoyed 98% of all this. I of course get ahold of EMs own mom and get to know her and she’s very sweet and loves me to death, along with Guys siblings and his dad, as many of EMs own friends and their families etc. So everyone loves me and when we invite them all to the wedding, they strong arm her into coming. I have my cop friends who have been having a heyday hearing about all this drama coming in for the wedding, one of them I make my MC so if she tried anything, not only would they take care of her swiftly, but she would also deeply embarrass herself because there was no denying that there were 500+ people there who loved Guy and I, including a lot of her friends. The ceremony was great, went off without a hitch, oh wait... I am not a bridezilla so if anything went wrong it was fine and the drama was cracking me up, I was a little disappointed she didn’t try anything drastic, but I could see on her face the entire time that EMs smile was sooo fake, and I got reports that she was seen crying outside later. Watching people congratulate her was priceless. When my own friends congratulated her a few of them later told me that she seemed surprised that I had any “respectable” friends (her literal words) who thought well of me. And no I’d arranged her to be only in one photo so she couldn’t ruin any others.

Oh and our wedding day was only the 3rd time she’d ever set eyes on me. She was against me from the start for almost a year without ever having spoken a word or ever seen me in person. Take that EM. To this day I have no idea what was her real beef with me. Happy ending: now that I provided the first grandkids, to my chagrin they’re like baby Targaryens they’re so white, and of course she’s too “young” to be a grandma so she’s called “nana”, but we laid down ground rules and she knows we will ostracize her at the drop of a hat, and she has kissed butt so hard and to her credit done her best to mend everything without ever really actually mentioning any of it. It’s great. We have holidays and fun visits in between and she showers us with super expensive gifts and will drop everything possible to help if we need anything. I think we’re friends now. One day I think she might bring it all up and try and play the victim, idk, but she’ll be hit with a carefully detailed account of everything that went down, in case her memory “fails” her. I can forgive but I’ll never forget, after all, I got my delicious revenge. Power over everything she holds dear and the evidence to expose whatever she hasn’t already done by her own dumb self and absolutely ruin her reputation and community and church standing. I feel really good right now

TLDR entitles mom wants to be petty about me dating her son so I take petty to another universe levels and crush her with epicc facts and logic and hold all the cards to ruin her life now

(source) story by (/u/cyborgurl)

[fuckapuck]

Injured

Mikko Rantanen x fem!Reader

Warnings: none. A little sad though

This is my very first fan fic! I got this idea into my head and couldnt get it out so i had to write it up! Idk if its any good i certainly hope it is! Im posting this on mobile so idk how it will look posted. Sorry! Its kinda a long one

Mikko sighed as the doctor stitched up his cheek. It had been a rough game against the preds and he ended up catching a skate balde with his face. It was a nasty gash that went from his temple and on to the corner of his lip.

It hurt and he wasn't ashamed to say he cried.

Lots of local anesthesia and a few stitches later there was just a very dull throbbing in the left side of his face. Some one had come back to tell him the 3rd period started and he desperately wished he could be out there right now. He was taken back to the locker room told to keep his bandages dry and get cleaned up and changed.

He shed a few more tears out of frustration. He knew he would have to sit out a few games to let this heal a bit before he could get back out on the ice. He grabed his phone. He didn't have any texts or missed calls from (Y/N) as he expected. You were working tonight and wouldnt get off till almost 2 am, so you wouldn't find out about his injury until your shift was done. Hopefully. You hated that job and Mikko often told you just to quit and not to worry about expenses. He would take care of anything that was needed. He washed up and changed back into regular clothes. He couldnt wait to get back to the hotel and put on soft stretchy clothes.  He sat down in his stall and stared at his phone. Should he text (Y/N)? You were working and he didn't want you to worry. There was still had 5 hours left of your shift. He let out another sigh and hung his head as he shut off his screen.

His thoughts were interupted as whoops and cheers came from outside the door. It burst open and his teammates poured in. He smiled as much as he was able and was embraced by a few guys. Gabe and Z took their time talking to him making sure he was doing fine.

"I won't really know how I feel until I'm not numb." He joked with them. His mood was brightening as his captain and friends told the story of their victory. He ignored the pain in his chest for not being there.  That he didn't get to see it. 

The night continued and interviews were completed. He declined doing one until his face felt better. He was more than happy to use his cheek as an excuse to not talk to media. Normally he didn't care, but he just really didn't want to do it tonight. As the reporters cleared and the team finished getting changed Barbs came over and smacked him on the shoulder.

"Hanging in there Rants?" He smiled at the finn.

"Oh yeah, just a little out of it." He head was a bit fuzzy still but getting clearer and more painful by the minute.

"Nice. They must have given you the good stuff!" Barbs nudged him again and mikko felt more at ease. He could do this. The playful chirping of teammates. He didn't have to think about his face. The light hearted fun continued. Until his name brought his full attention back.

"Huh?" He blinked.

"I said I would help you get back into the single life!" Barbs laughed and a few other joined him.  A sudden unease took over mikko.

"What do you mean?" He questioned. The unease growing.

"This." mark poked his own cheek and nodded at mikko. "Gonna be single by morning!"

Mikko stayed silent and just stared. He felt like he couldn't breathe. The guys seemed to see that this particular chrip hit a sensitive spot.

"Fuck barbs! Shut up." Gabe hissed. Mikko zoned out and found himself trapped in his mind. It was a horrible injury to his face. He wouldn't look the same after this. He would be scarred. His mind was reeling and he didn't remember when he got back to the hotel. Only that he made it back. He was in mild pain now the medication wearing off. He hoped he could get to sleep before he could feel all of it. He changed his clothes in a daze and climbed into bed. He stared at the ceiling trying to get to sleep but he couldn't. He just kept thinking about you.

How you would smile at him and kiss his face. How you would grab his cheeks and nuzzle into him calling him beautiful and handsome. His chest felt constricted and he threw the covers off of himself. He laid there as thoughs of you circled his mind. Your words that he so loved to hear now haunting him. You wouldn't think he was beautiful anymore. You wouldn't look fondly at him and caress his face. Would you cry when you saw him? Would you be angry at him for ruining his appearance? What would he do with out you? He heard his phone vibrate he looked over. You were calling him. He moved his eyes back to the ceiling. It stopped and a few minutes later he heard the message notification sound. He ignored it. He couldn't bring himself to see what you had to say.

An uneasey sleep came over him only an hour and a half before he was suppose to get up. He packed quietly and jumped when someone knocked on his door. He opened it to find his coach and a medic. They wanted to check on him.

He was sat down as the doctor went over how to clean and bandage it again. He handed him a bag of perscription pain killers and extra bandages. Coach had a hand on his shoulder. At the end of it he was told he would have to sit out for at least a week and then they would look at how the healing was doing and if everything was good he could go back to playing with a face cage until it was fully healed. Coach gave him some pats on the back and told him to take two or three days after they got back to rest. Take it easy.

He packed silently and watched his hands tremble. You wouldn't leave his mind. Your soft skin and gentle touch. Your laugh and your smiles. How he could always tell how you were feeling because your eyes showed everything. What would they show now? Disgust?

He loaded into the bus. Some of the guys came over to him but he pointed at his cheek and shook his head.  The bus arrived at the airport and everyone loaded into the plane. Taking their seat. He put himself buy a window toward the back. Gabe and Nikita sat by him. About 30 minutes in Nikita gently nudged him.

"What barbs said. It was joke you know. He did not mean it." He spoke softly to Mikko. Gabed turned towards them.

"He's right Mikko. You know (Y/N) would never do something like that." Gabe reassured. Mikko  closed his eyes and turned his head away from the window and looked at his two friends.

"Tell me the truth. If you were in my place, if this was your faces not mine, would your wives leave?" Mikko asked. His heart beating in his ears he needed the answer.

Nikita and Gabes eyes widened. Z looked down at his hands not saying a word. Gabe opened and closed his mouth trying to think of something to say. Mikko turned back to the window and felt tears stinging his eyes. Yes, they would. They wanted handsome pretty husbands and a scar like the one this will leave will not be pretty. The rest of the flight was silent between them.

Mikko couldn't help but think of the way (Y/N) normally greeted him when he got off the plane. She always tried her best to be there. She always would grab his face, kiss him and give him a tight warm hug. She would tell him that she loved him and promise a delicous home cooked meal. Would it be the same? Would she even be able to look at him?

The plane landed and he dragged himself off of it. They approached where the WAGS would normally wait, but he couldn't look up. He was so afraid that if he did, you wouldn't be there.

He felt a nudge and looked to Nate who nodded his head forward. Mikko looked up and there you were. You were smiling but it was different from normal.

Mikko walked up to you and almost had to hold back tears as you embraced him. It felt just as tight and warm as it always did he felt one hand so very softly touch his uninjured cheek.

"Lets go home okay?" He couldn't look you in the eye. He walked silently by your side and held your hand loosely. There was no kiss. No usual excitement. He felt his world becoming smaller. Maybe if he asked nicely you would let him hold you one last time before you left him forever.

The car ride was quite on his part. Your gentle voice talking softly about little things that had happened in his week away. He couldn't muster up the courage to say anything to you. Afraid it would be the last thing he would ever say to you.

You pulled into his spot at his apartment and attempted to help with his bags But Mikko carefully took them from your hands and carried them himself. The two of you went up to his place. He put his bags on his bed and started to unpack. You came up beside him and started to help. He wanted to object but couldn't. Time passed and soon everything was unpacked and the two of you were sitting on the couch. (Y/N)  kept a small one sided conversation going and Mikko mearly stared on.

"What would you like for dinner?" You asked, but Mikko said nothing.

"Mikko? Why won't you talk to me love?" She asked gently and her small, soft fingers gently brushed his uninjured cheek. Suddenly he couldn't help it anymore. It was too much. Why were you still being kind to him if you were going to leave him? He began to cry. He couldn't stop it. Instantly you were there. Holding him and comforting him with kind hands and words. He almost let himself relax into your warm body. But he couldn't. It was too painful.

He stood up abruptly and stared down into shocked concered eyes.

"Just do it already! Stop playing with me and do it!" He tried to sound stern but he just sounded broken.

"What are you talking about? Do what?" You asked and went to reach for him. Mikko stepped back out of your reach.

"End it. End it like you want to. I know you do. Just leave me already and stop making it hurt!" Mikko practically shouted. You stared at him with wide hurt eyes.

"Leave you? Why would I do that?" You asked your voice shaking. Mikko couldn't look at you.

"This," he pointed to his bandage, "my face will be different and ruined. I know you want to leave me. Just do it." He ended quietly and weakly.

"Do you honestly think I'm that shallow?" He could hear the pain in your voice. He just shrugged. "Mikko Rantanen you will look at me right now!" You snapped. Mikkos head shot up he eyes locking with yours. He saw pain and anger in those eyes.

"You listen to me right now. I love you. I have loved you since I met you. Not because of your face, but because of you. How you treat me and talk to me. How you make me feel like the most beautiful woman in the world when I know I'm not. I would never leave you because of an injury! For fucks sake you are a hockey player! Injuries and hockey go hand in hand!" You yelled and got closer to him. "I knew what I signed up for when I started dating you. I'm in it for the long haul and I won't be leaving just because of a scar!" You jabbed him in the chest with your finger and crossed your arms. You deflated a little the anger subsiding and hurt remained.

"Do you really think so little of me Mikko?" You barely whispered out your arms dropping to your sides. Mikko couldn't take it. Your pain and saddness. His doing. He moved suddenly and wrapped you in his arms the good side of his face against the top of your head.

"No. No I don't. I promise. I love you. You are the best woman in the world. The kindest and most wonderful and beautiful. I was just scared. The boys said - " mikko rushed out. You had relaxed against him but the quickly pushed away and look up to him with anger in your eyes.

"What did the boys say?" You ground out. Mikko explained Barbs chirp and Gabe and Z's silence on the plane. Suddenly you weren't in his arms but pacing the living room as he watched on fondly.

"Those stupid little- UGH! Let me tell you if their wives ever find out about that they will be pissed. Fuck! They will give them some scars to worry about. Those absolute idiots! And I'm going to kill barbs. Those kind of jokes aren't funny. I'm gonna kick his ass! I'm going to practice tomorrow and im gonna beat him with his hockey stick!" You ranted on furiously. Mikko just laughed and came up and wrapped his arms around you.

"Please don't kill anyone. I'm very sorry my love. I am very very sorry." You again relaxed in his arms and nuzzled into his chest." I got worried and to into my head and then you didn't kiss me and-"

"Kiss you? Mikko I didn't want to hurt you! Your mouth was injured too not just your cheek!" You laughed at him in exasperation. Mikko blinked down at you.

"Oh."

"Yeah, 'oh.'" You rolled your eyes, and leaned Into him, "I love you mikko and I won't stop." You pressed your face into his chest and his grip tightened.

"I love you too" he swore to himself not to doubt you again. And felt secure in his knowledge that you loved him.

"I am gonna get barberio back though." She warned. He chuckled and press a very soft kiss to her head.

"I know."

[janiedean]

Do you think hollywood will ever get out of its “woke” phase or will it only get worse from here?

... I sat on this for a while and I honestly don’t know how to take it, because woke means absolutely nothing put on like that and it’s not like if movies address social justice issues or start caring about accurate representation or whatnot or what we mean for woke it’s automatically a bad thing, but like the problem with any hollywood production is that hollywood makes movies thinking about money first and artistic value later unless we count a handful of directors/people who can go a good movie that will make money (spielberg/zemeckis etc) or who are at a point in their career where their CV is so out of this world good that they can afford to do whatever they want and/or are huge names who made history who have their own money/circle/clout or their own production company (scorsese, clint eastwood etc). also the second contingent problem is that most people only watch mainstream movies that were released recently which means that everything that comes out these days is supposedly groundbreaking when in truth it’s not 99% of the time.

ps: this rant has very vague spoilers for the 2019 joker so like... thread carefully but it’s really really vague xD

now, since I apparently decided to go at this pseudo-seriously even if I think the question means all and everything, I’ll try to, but basically:

if by woke we mean performative representation/performative social justice themes/*insert-token-character-here*, it’s a 100% question of what the studios think the audience wants vs what makes money vs milking the thing until it’s dry. I mean, I’m talking in general about a genre no one on tumblr cares about, but as someone who loves bad/trashy testosterone-driven action movies every single time I see one with the Badass Female Character Inserted By Force Because The Studio Said They Needed At Least One Quota Because Otherwise People Say It’s Not Feminist I roll my eyes a lot because if I’m watching a genre which is the male equivalent of the female empowerment romcom (ie: if romcoms are the-empowerment-fantasy-for-girls the trashy action movie is the same for guys) I don’t need the Fake Strong Female Character in it because I’m not watching it for the feminism, but until people will worry about the bechdel test as the ultimate proof a movie is good then we’ll get the token character that makes no sense, but since these days the hype is there, you’ll get it because the studio wants the money;

on the other side, if we mean people want actual representation and should push the studios to have it/not whitewash characters etc it’s an entirely legitimate complaint and I don’t think hollywood should *get out of the woke phase* or whatever, but my issue is that most of the time it ends up turning performative as well. as in: you know the dark tower movie? (yeah, yeah, I hate it, I earned the right to trash talk it) when they racebent the lead everyone was screaming at how woke and progressive it was... except that they didn’t wanna hear/didn’t want to discuss the fact that the only reason they did that (imvho) was that they adapted seven books in one movie, cut the female disabled character who’s also mentally ill who’s actually black in the original canon and since they didn’t want to get called out on having done that, they racebent the lead so they looked progressive, but do we really think that doing that rather than adapting the actual black character they had which would have required at least some effort is more progressive? idk but I think it’s not. anyway: i’m all for people pushing for this, but they need to be coherent. in the sense that for all I don’t agree with clint eastwood’s political views, if you watch gran torino where the protagonist becomes friends with his vietnamese hmong neighbor, all the hmong characters were actually cast from hmong actors and if you look at interviews online with hmong people about that movie the opinion is that even if the script could have been better for some of them, they were delighted that he cast from their community and didn’t cast from another asian ethnicity that for any producer would have meant the exact same thing because figures if producers gaf about accurate casting when it comes to that. but like, hollywood won’t gaf about that until people are vocal about needing good and specific rep and not just generic ‘as long as it’s X it’s fine’;

that also goes for wanting more movies with minorities having a role - hollywood will go for giving minorities roles as long as it gives them good money/clout, but it won’t care for good movies about minorities or minority actors having good roles until people are vocal about it and/or it means money loss if they do it wrong;

(caveat: this obviously excludes actors from minorities whose work transcended that - meaning, for example will smith gets cast 85% of the time based on part and not on his skin color because he’s uber famous and he made his name in a specific genre and so on, but like we’re talking about the people who made the Upper Level of Superstar Hollywood)

anyway tldr: hollywood american movies were always 95% made for the money and reflect what they think the audience wants to pay for, which means that if hollywood producers think that people want fake woke movies then they’ll give them the fake woke movies.

this also goes hand in hand with the other problem I mentioned ie that people don’t watch movies that aren’t recent so hollywood can get away with pretending to be original when it’s actually not. now since we don’t wanna diss anything, i’ll mention a movie I actually did like *drumroll*... joker.

or, to specify what I mean:

tldr, I thought that joker was a very well-executed and planned and shot movie which had a good idea and went down well on it and was basically the batman movie nolan dreamed he was doing with the black knight and whose point was telling you that a sick system that abandons the weakest people in it (poor, mentally ill etc) and mocks them as if it’s their own fault that they aren’t better than that eventually breeds chaos and hurt and crime and it’s the fault of the system/the people in charge who don’t see it. now: that’s the least original idea in existence and I’ll go on it in depth later. except that..

when I go look at recs especially from american media, there’s a polarization between ‘OMG THIS INCITES VIOLENCE IT’S HORRIBLE IT’S DANGEROUS’ and ‘OMG THIS IS A NEW MASTERPIECE I’VE NEVER SEEN ANYTHING LIKE IT BEFORE GROUNDBREAKING AMAZING NO ONE EVER DID IT BEFORE’, which to me is imvho showing very clearly where we have the issue;

as in, issue one: OMG IT INCITES VIOLENCE BLAH BLAH it’s the oldest excuse in existence that has been disproved over and over and it’s just another proof of how puritan/calvinist is the viewership because the point is not inciting violence, it’s showing that as stated not giving a fuck about people who need help means growing discontent that then explodes... which again, you don’t need to read freud’s theory about the masses to know that if the majority of the population lives in shitty conditions you get revolutions;

issue two: the only original/innovative think joker has going for itself is that it’s a movie that has a way wider audience than usual *and* an actual comic book/genre film to discuss the aforementioned issue going in depth into it and not sugarcoating it. but other than that... the deconstruction of the hero/villain in a corrupt world was already in watchmen if you want a genre movie and there have been endless others pointing that out except not that mainstream (because again everyone knows what batman is and who’s the joker, watchmen is a lot more niche), the spectacularization of THAT THING on television was already in network that came out in the year of the lord 1976 and the entire movie was basically an homage to taxi driver when it came to how it was filmed/structured and I guessed 95% of what was gonna happen in the first fifteen minutes. it’s nothing groundbreaking whatsoever, but apparently everyone thinks it is because they haven’t seen either of the above movies or any other that predated this one;

now, joker is a movie I actually liked so I don’t see the lack of originality as a bad thing because that wasn’t the point, but like just to say one, hearing people say that mad max fury road was revolutionary feminist action movie and nothing else ever happened before it when there have been four alien movies before, the valid terminator movies (one and two obviously), kill bill and so on, as in stuff that existed in the eighties was honestly meh because I did like MMFR but again it was hardly groundbreaking (maybe it is for this decade and for other reasons but not for the plot). now, both of these are good movies, but like....... 95% of nolan’s movies are hailed as top originality masterpieces and imvho he’s good but not that good and if people think dunkirk is the best war movie ever it’s because they haven’t ever seen an actual effective war movie (like I can’t even believe some people said it was like two hours of saving private ryan’s first twenty minutes, five minutes of SPR were endlessly better than all of dunkirk and SPR is hardly the best war movie out there), same for about anything he does. now, that’s way beyond the wokeness discourse, but the point is that if people don’t watch other movies and then think that hollywood’s performative woke stuff is peak progressive movie when it really really really is not then hollywood isn’t going to bother producing better stuff that’s both progressive and quality (which can happen I mean have we all seen philadelphia, even if that is like... not exactly mainstream hollywood and it was a risky movie to make but anyway not the problem). tldr: people need to stop acting like the last ten years of movies have been the only era in cinema where you got progressive movies because it’s not true and for one I can 100% assure you that for all its faults tied to the era, the defiant ones is a lot more seriously woke and effective when it comes to discussing racism in the US than 85% of the contemporary stuff I see.

so, idk what you meant with the original question, but imvho: hollywood will produce fake-performative woke movies until the audience contents itself with fake-wokeness instead of actual good material or until people decide to finally stop watching only blockbusters and also give money to indie filmmakers or like nonamerican filmmakers and anyway hollywood goes where the money goes.

which mean that if the activism irl doesn’t stop being performative and becomes serious and therefore automatically turns into people asking for serious rep and not the token character/plot, you’ll keep on getting fake woke movies. (also the day people stop saying GO WATCH THAT MOVIE BECAUSE IT’S WOKE without having even seen it and having read the summary on tumblr will be amazing, but that’s not the day.)

that said, since the idea behind a lot of the fake wokeness is actually right (ie: we need more women/minorities of every kind in movies or television/we need more rep that aren’t blonde blue eyed tall white guys/we need to cast ethnical minorities properly etc) we can hope that people actually grasp the message and we get more and more movies that cast people correctly or who have good rep for the good reasons and I’m all for it because that is a good thing. fake wokeness is not. 

but anyway: hollywood stops being each single trend it is when that trend stops selling. that’s your answer. and until we all think that the oscars are top cinematography choices in existence, it’s not gonna happen.

to end it all: no one is obliged to watch hollywood movies. actually, it’s highly advised to spend your money on either foreign movies or indie movies or independent movies or riskier projects rather than hollywood blockbusters if you don’t want fake progressive stuff also because those movies usually gaf about the issues they touch and if they get money maybe it means more of them get made.

and this was my rant, idk if that’s what you wanted to hear but I guess that’s what I had to say on the topic.