#idk i just. love to see characters go thru absolute hell and then choose life anyways

[sunny12th]

dany was so broken in agot, physically and mentally. she was ready to kill herself to escape drogo. her childhood had been a long unfortunate series of running away from the alleged monsters that killed her family and left her exiled and desperately trying to appease her abusive brother/guardian.

but then, after she's resolved herself to suicide, she has a dream. and then, she starts to notice the beauty in the new world around her. how the dothraki grass sea swallowed her up, the new sights and sounds and smells all around. she found solace in the people, she ate with them, learned their language in a matter of months, enjoyed their food. felt freer in dothraki riding clothes than in the fine silks ilyrio had dressed her up in.

I'm still deeply touched everytime I read about dany giggling, joking around, moving forward, hugging her friends, leading, and fighting after enduring so much. it's not about her being right in everything she does or everything ending well for her. she went through hell, was already going through it before the series even started, and she kept going. she grows and fights and fucks and laughs and cries and rages. she falls and she gets right back up again.

dany is ready to end her own life. the next day, she notices how pretty the sky is. she learns a few more dothraki words everyday and starts to connect more with those around her. she tries some new foods and starts to feel more comfortable on her horse.

the dragon dream certainly did Something to dany - a scarlet and black dragon (drogon, balerion come again) baptizing her in flame. scouring her, tempering her, making her clean. after this, dany makes the quiet choice to live. there is no grand revelation, no "i want to live!" monologue. she simply starts to notice the beauty in the world she's traveling through, the loyalty and easy comradery in her companions, the tasty food and comfortable clothes. dothraki smells, horse smells. riding leather, painted vests, the gently singing bells braided through hair. dany chooses life everytime she giggles, everytime she tries a new food or convinces her friends to try one, everytime she stops to stare at a pretty sight.

she was ready to choose death and she chose life. when her entire world had narrowed to the scope of her pain, to the strength of her abusers, to the golden collar drogo had put around her neck - she still chose life. and just like that, her world expanded and she could see all that was worth living for.

[ironmandeficiency]

pedro boys + spending habits

word count: fuck if i know, wrote it thru the app

characters: din, marcus m, dave, pero, marcus p, oberyn, max, frankie, whiskey, maxwell, javier, ezra

a/n: idk what caused this to happen but it works i guess. hope they make sense

✨support my ko-fi✨

trust him with your money, your drink, your social security number, everything:

din. this man is barely scraping by on his own when you first meet him. when he adds the kid to the mix, he gets even more frugal than he already is with an old as sin ship that many people are surprised to see fly. he will have a policy of “you earn it, you choose what to do with it” and since he goes after most of (if not all) the bounties to keep you all alive, he has the final say in how most of the credits are spent. he does want you to have nice things though, so he makes sure to configure the budget to where you don’t have to pour your credits into the group’s survival money very often. it’s the least he can do. he’s very big on taking care of his people and will show that in small ways.

marcus m. he’s a single dad for a significant amount of time, he has no choice but to be responsible with his money. he has to take care of missy, keep them both fed and housed and healthy, and that’s not even touching on how expensive all of high school graduation and college will be once she gets there. he teaches missy very early in life how important money is bc he doesn’t want her to ever know how it feels to not have enough. he makes a considerable amount of money w the heroics tho so he can afford to responsibly splurge on you both, but not constantly. is very cautious abt the splurging becoming a habit

dave. yeah he may be a murderer, but he’s scary great at managing his money (to continue being able to murder). he’s got his ex wife’s alimony (that still pisses him off but that’s another story) and two girls he takes care of, there’s no other choice for him either. there’s never a worry about dave having a midlife crisis and spending money on some stupid dad thing (like a motorcycle or assless chaps or a country club membership) because he murders to keep his mind off that sort of stuff. files his taxes diligently every year the day tax season starts and will pass this wisdom to the girls.

pero. he’s very good at judging if you need something or not. if it can’t feed you, keep you healthy, kill someone, or protect you, you don’t need to buy it. definitely not a man who indulges in trinkets and frivolous things that do nothing but weigh down his horse and his person. will encourage this way of thinking with whoever travels with him to whatever extent he can, but won’t be a dick about it if you have something sentimental on your person. if it’s a necessity, he will splurge on a bed and bath at an inn but not much else for a while. cheap because he has to be

marcus p. i don’t think i have to explain this one so i won’t. no i’m not being lazy who said that?

maybe you’ll be fine if he’s in charge. maybe:

oberyn. being a prince (and himself), there are different ways this could go. he spends his money frivolously at brothels & on his daughters + other loved ones (as well as other luxuries) and doesn’t really seem to be the type to keep tabs on it all as he goes. but... he’s a prince in a prosperous kingdom and so there isn’t really a worry for money. he’s known as the red viper for many reasons, including his clever nature and the ease with which he can get what he wants thru whatever means necessary. if you want for something that he can’t buy, you know he will find a way to get it for you (which can be a problem sometimes).

max. he’s good with money in the sense of perpetuating capitalism — that’s the red flag here. hell, he’s gonna be investing into bitcoin and who knows what stock market bs & bc it’s max, of course you trust him. max can’t control the stock market tho, so sometimes things are a little iffy. it always evens itself out though, and you make sure in the future that he invests his money instead of your joint money. he’s still gonna share anyways, it just helps you have a little more peace of mind.

frankie. he just wants to take care of you, okay? you can’t fault him for that 🥺 he maneuvers his budget around to make sure he can do all these nice things for you while leaving his own needs unchecked, which isn’t okay. he just wants to provide for the ppl he loves the best he can, but the problem begins when he starts to think he isn’t doing enough. his insecurity & lack of self-worth (fueled by his guilt for ���not being everything you deserve”) is what makes him agree to the Trip™️ in the first place. once he comes back & sees you frantic, only wanting him home and not giving a flying fuck about the money, does he realize that you’re devoted to him and not what he can do for you.

whiskey. working for statesman made him forget what things really cost bc he suddenly never had to worry again about not having enough money. being with someone that isn’t practically made of money will snap him back into reality. he looks at his bank statements and his balance occasionally, but our big spender cowboy hasn’t really counted money as something he worries about for a while. when he constantly showers you in expensive gifts (only the best for his baby, that’s his motto) and you tell him that he has to not do that bc he’ll go broke, he plays it off because he doesn’t remember having to worry. separate bank accounts are only because you want to make sure your money is being spent smartly (even though jack has offered constantly to pay for literally anything you need).

don’t give him anything you want to see again:

maxwell. as much as i love this dork, he’s absolute shit with money. when his business is falling apart (bc he made the stupid ass decision to buy the oil rigs no one wanted bc they weren’t producing oil), he throws it all into saving face and trying to make investors buy into something that isn’t there. what a smart business man would’ve done was liquidate his assets and possibly try to get into a business that will yield at least some profit. he does learn his lesson tho and eventually can be trusted with money, but even he is hesitant to do anything with the household finances. he’s a dreamer, and dreams and money are the same as oil and water.

javier. i know you’re possibly surprised but hear me out. he’ll go all in to get info, whether he’s spending american taxpayer money or his own money or anyone else’s, if it’s valuable info that can be bought, it’s gonna be bought even if he goes without groceries for the next two weeks. before being with you, it was booze and prostitutes and cigarettes that ate away at his checks outside of buying information. the only thing that really changed once you got together was the prostitutes and slightly less cigarettes and booze. however, when he goes back to laredo permanently, he’s perfectly capable of keeping his shit in line. he’ll balance every checkbook in sight and run a tight af ship.

ezra. this man is a scavenger by necessity, a con man by choice. he has a silver tongue and a roguish charm and pretty questionable morals; he’s not gonna have any issue with getting his hands dirty. he’s probably gonna use your joint money to try and pull a fast one on some unsuspecting stranger (“it’ll double our money,” he says, “it’ll be fine,” he says), but then said stranger will end up turning the tables and leave you both absolutely broke. yeah he will feel guilty, no doubt. the only problem is that he won’t take it as a “hey don’t do it again” lesson, it’ll be a “this is how i can improve for next time.” eventually you have to put your foot down and take control of the money and when he realizes that you’re improving your lives much better than he is, he will thank you for it.

all pedro character taglists: @likeshootingstarsinthenightsky @obirain @leias-left-hair-bun @themarcusmoreno @catsnkooks @captainrexstan @mackstrut @torradoza @simping-for-fives @stardustsunrisekisses @darthadeline @artemis61003 @majorshiraharu @getdookuedon @capricornrabies @max--phillips @darklingveracruz @book-of-anarchy @andysficrecs @purelypascal @whovianwar @lv7867 @hornystarwarsbisexual @kaermorons @princess76179 @pedropasscals @greeneyedblondie44 @seasonschange-butpeopledont @qhbr2013 if you don’t want to be tagged, lemme know!! the link to join is in my bio

[dxmagedrose]

GET TO KNOW THE BLOGGER!

Tagged by: my lover @hammurabicomplex​ I’m tagging: anyone and everyone who wants to pick this one up! share with the class if you feel like it! tag me in it!!

PRESENTING. RANDOM DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO-MUN AT 2AM ;

FIRST NAME Good fucking question… It’s (sort-of) currently Dylann! I was Kieran before that, though; it’s still used as one of my first names and I’m not used to Dylann quite yet bc I’ve just started using it. 

Indigo is one of my middle names though, and I’ve used it as an online handle elsewhere forever so I use it here now!  [ Fun etymology facts: Dylan(n) is a mythology name generally meaning “born of the wave” (aspiring diver & a water witch at heart). Kieran means “little dark one” bc of my love for horror, && I chose Indigo bc as a kid to be it was neither boy (blue) or purple (girl) and was both and neither as well as my absolute favorite color as this vibrant ass mystical color. ]

STRANGE FACT ABOUT YOURSELF hmmmmm…. I’m a horror lover at heart, so as a child (I wanna say 12), I was walking through an antique store (I have a few cool finds, I considered putting my other one as the fact tbh) and I turned the corner and I saw these two dolls staring back at me at the foot of the stairs of this antique building. my blood froze, and i felt my stomach drop. i got actual, physical goosebumps stumbling across these two creepy dolls staring back at me in the corner, and i couldn’t leave the store without them. perhaps the little painted porcelain boy would be somewhat spooky by himself if it wasn’t for the terrifying lidded gaze of the porcelain girl with the hairline fractures and slightly open lips. i cant look at her. i dont really find dolls scary, I like to find the spookier ones ones, and she makes me paranoid as hell. i keep her face covered and her up in my closet except for when i bring her out to show her off proudly as the spookiest thing I have but……. i dont really collect dolls anymore.  even thinking about her brings a fearful tear to my eye.  i don’t like to think about her for very long, but that’s why I’m so fucking proud to own her. ( YES — I’m THAT white person in the horror film )

TOP THREE PHYSICAL THINGS YOU FIND ATTRACTIVE ON A PERSON hhhhh a beardy jawline, high cheekbones, crooked canine teeth >:3c

A FOOD YOU COULD EAT FOREVER AND NOT GET BORED OF b.l.t.’s with avocado. ahhhh. my mouth is watering just thinking about it, oh my god. just a bit of salt and pepper???

A FOOD YOU HATE barbecue anything, i hate the taste of bbq sauce, you keep your nasty black goo to yourselves at the grill. twice in my life i have presented with barbecue pizza and both times i cried literal tears. why would you do such a horrible thing to a person? what kind of a monster are you? how do you sleep at night?!

GUILTY PLEASURE the sims. constantly. always. i’ve sunk thousands of hours into my households. oh also uhhhhhh i run two 80s horror blogs, one being a shitpost blog with occasional art of mine and one gremlin fanfic ship blog for horrible, terrible self indulgent fanfics i’ll get the courage to finish writing & post so i can be cancelled on tumblr for at some point. NO, i won’t link them. as i pretend they’re even all that hard to find, within a day i was found on both by someone i admire here a lot :’) ilu bby thnk u eternally for supporting ur local horrifying dumbass wtf

WHAT DO YOU SLEEP IN the same clothes i’ve been wearing all day usually, my sweats & long sleeve raglans or my hoodies. i like being cozy day & and out. and ugh. efoort. just throw me in a blanket in a cool room and im out.

SERIOUS RELATIONSHIPS OR FLINGS serious relationships with some openness or poly. i wish i could fling! just not exactly easy for demisexual autistics lmao.

IF YOU COULD GO BACK IN THE PAST AND CHANGE ONE THING ABOUT YOUR LIFE, WOULD YOU AND WHAT WOULD IT BE I think I would be adopted by my grandma as a kid. It would save me some trauma but mostly I think it would get my autism diagnosed way earlier and save me angsting all these years of wondering why & thinking it’s my fault I’m struggling so much and so loud and affectionate and different in a world that i didnt fit in the same way. 

ARE YOU AN AFFECTIONATE PERSON when i get drunk i text people how much they mean to me in my life. does that answer your question? ahhh. i’m sometimes a cuddle monster with friends, i message people with long texts about how much they mean to me, but I sometimes really don’t like to be touched at all. 

A MOVIE YOU COULD WATCH OVER AND OVER AGAIN FLYPAPER.  F L Y P A P E R.  FLYPAPER.  FLY, and, I can’t stress this enough, fucking PAPER. ( Though also Whole Nine Yards and both Re-Animator & Bride ). I have watched Flypaper already like, 5 times this week and I’m still not done, and the other movies have been on repeat for days in this household within the last year. In the past it has also been Donnie Darko & the new Nightmare on Elm Street.  roast me.

FAVORITE BOOK White Fang by Jack London. Have I actually ever finished it? No. Do I still own a copy I’ve had since childhood thru multiple dogs eating it, taking it to and from school, and highlighting and circling all the best parts of chapter one ever since I was a kid and it was too hard of a book for me to read? You bet your ass. If I ever need inspiration I just reread chapter 1. Although one of my other favorites was Broken Monsters by Lauren Beukes. But White Fang is like, a weirdly personal text. We stan London’s writing in this household.

YOU HAVE THE OPPORTUNITY TO KEEP ANY ANIMAL AS A PET, WHAT DO YOU CHOOSE FENNEC FOX!! I used to daydream about having my own named Shiloh when I was a lil kid. they’re adorable little things and i am obsessed. i mean, gimme any fox and im happy, marble foxes, red foxes… but I was obsessed with fennec foxes. Also tbh ferrets. I want a ferret.

TOP FIVE FICTIONAL SHIPS [IF YOU ARE AN RP BLOG, YOU CAN USE YOUR OWN SHIPS AS WELL] Rosa & @ninetyscnds‘s Luke, Rosa & @iimpulsivity is already screaming my name, Rosa & Constantine, Jesse & Andrea from Breaking Bad, and the joker and harley of 80s sci-fi Dan & Herbert from Re-Ani.  I am but a simple opossum. 

PIE OR CAKE Pie! I’ll take both pumpkin & melty apple over cake. also, cheesecake is more pie than cake soooo, pie wins.

FAVORITE SCENT my dogs / my blanket. :’)  It’s the most grounding smell in the world. 

CELEBRITY CRUSH oliver jackson-cohen, i’m fucking GAY and im angry about it. there i was, minding my own business, and i saw that asshole in a certain SHIRTLESS GIF and it AWOKE SOMETHING IN ME. dont talk to me about it, holy shit im obsessed with beardy men now god fuckkdafjaask i hate him why did he make me this gay i was perfectly fine being into girls but NOOOOOO him and his dumb hairy chest and sweet rugged face and I——  I also am obsessed with the archaeologist & television personality Josh Gates and may or may not be considering making a fan blog for him bc idk if my anthropology docuseries host is Dad or Daddy but i love him lots

IF YOU COULD TRAVEL ANYWHERE, WHERE WOULD YOU GO I would go on a dive with anthropologists and archaeologists doing fieldwork research in the ancient cenotes of the Yucatán Peninsula. My actual dream job, catch me crying & fantasizing about being underwater documenting Mayan skulls given as offerings. Fuckkkk, I love anthropology so much!!  take me anywhere in the world to immerse myself into culture & archaeology.

INTROVERT OR EXTROVERT Introvert. I have a real life friend I see roughly once a month, and that’s it. Plenty of online relationships, I’m chatty, message me all day every day. but i dont do people well.

DO YOU SCARE EASILY I used to! Really bad. I don’t as much anymore. I do get paranoia a lot still. Having therapists telling you that the FBI could be outside your house watching you through your windows will kind of nervous. ( no google results for: yes hello fbi i am a writer please dont put me on watchlists i just have research i need to do for this idea im working on, would you like to try again? ) I have nightmares nightly but not they never make me afraid, they just make me feel like crap. jumpscares and loud noises and seeing people reaching into their pockets dont set off as many brain alarms anymore tho!! progress haha.

IPHONE OR ANDROID I like my android better bc of capabilities but meh

DO YOU PLAY ANY VIDEO GAMES My mom, her husband & I play COD for family game night, and Silent Hill is my life’s blood. I’ve sunken hours into Sims & Skyrim, and Norman Jayden from Heavy Rain is my #1 fictional character in existence, why do i love the druggie babies

DREAM JOB Oh… You’re asking me to pick? I’d love to be an anthropologist doing work out in the field. Underwater archaeology is peak, but I’m also heavily considering being a body recovery diver or police diver. I’d love to see myself in uniform someday, if possible. Just the thought makes me teary eyed & proud.

WHAT WOULD YOU DO WITH A MILLION DOLLARS fund my person creative & educational endeavors. get myself a spooky ass abandoned house to make my own home to create in, and travel to the world’s best dive sites. just live a mild life of education, creation & exploration. that’s the dream TM.

FICTIONAL CHARACTER YOU HATE dr. hill is a gross and whiny lil bitch this post brought to u by the miskatonic crew, how is everyone here an even worse bad guy than herbert west precious dan excluded talk shit get hit tho john winchester from spn and both walter white & todd from breaking bad are all in my crew of hated characters. i jusT…   the reani novel is difficult to read because i have to deal with this old sack of shit.

FANDOM THAT YOU WERE ONCE A PART OF BUT AREN’T ANY LONGER Supernatural :-)

… AND THIS CONCLUDES A DEEP DIVE WITH INDIGO!! //

[sophygurl]

I’ve been wanting to write about how I feel about The Magicians S4 finale, but I’ve also been waiting a bit because I know a lot of fans are in a lot of pain about it, and since my feelings differ from the majority - well I didn’t wanna intrude right away. 

(This post is obviously gonna have spoilers thru the end of S4) (Also talk of suicidal ideation, euthanasia, heroic sacrifice, and death generally)

For the record, I 100% understand why people are upset, and all of those feelings are perfectly valid. 

I’m not writing this in the hopes of changing anyone’s mind, but only to share my own thoughts and feelings. If there are others who feel similarly, there can be some space and solidarity for that. If there are folks who are hurt but open to seeing another side, possibly this can help in some healing. IDK. 

But also? If you’re still really deep in your feelings about this and might be triggered by a more positive outlook on the ending? Be safe and maybe don’t read on. It’s perfectly okay to just skip this.

For the record, I am queer myself. And also mentally ill. I have had suicidal ideation in the past, although thanks to meds and lots of therapy, that’s not a current danger for me. I have also lost someone to suicide. So know that none of my feelings about this come from an insensitivity or of ignorance of any of those issues.

In fact, I have deep issues with the bury your gay trope. And I have grieved over the loss of main characters in other shows I’ve been deeply invested in. So i get it all, from a personal level. I just connected differently to this one. 

To be fair, Quentin was never my favorite character in The Magicians. I didn’t hate him. I maybe slightly disliked him in the beginning, found him kind of annoying? But he grew on me. 

And his death became very personally and deeply meaningful to me because of how he grew on me, and why his character became more important to me.

Let me back up a little.

As I said, at first Quentin did kind of annoy me. He seemed self-centered in that way that cishet white boys often are (yes I know it turned out he was bi, but we didn’t know that at first). His character was definitely portrayed as someone who was only tuned in to his own suffering, his own hopes and dreams and ambitions, his own story. 

As someone who has lived with chronic depression, I understand that depression can do that to a person. Depression and trauma and chemical imbalances can make you feel like you’re in your own little foggy world of pain and everything that goes wrong is further evidence of your own badness and/or the badness and unfairness of the world for allowing these things to happen. 

We often talk, in treatment, about the selfishness of depression. This can at first feel bewildering because we feel like nothing is about us, because of how awful everything feels. But we come to understand how hyper focused we can be on our own pain. It’s ... really hard. To see past that pain, to see anything good, to relate to the pain of others, to not turn everything into more fuel for the depression fire.

So I get it. I’m not trying to shame Quentin for having felt this way early on. I’m just explaining why he was not an early favorite of mine.

On the other hand, I was very drawn to the other characters - to Eliot and Margo, to Penny and Kady, to Julia and Alice, and eventually to Fen and Josh and Poppy and Marina, etc. I was drawn not just to them individually as characters, but to their relationships and connections to one another. 

And as Quentin’s world began to expand, so did the world of the show. As Quentin started to come out of his depressive funk and to understand the pain of everyone else in his orbit, so did we in the audience get a chance to connect to all of these other wonderful characters.

And Quentin’s entire arc over four seasons was really so much about him learning how to reach beyond himself. He comes to understand that everyone has their own trauma. He comes to learn that he can’t do this alone, and that neither can anyone else. He comes to see that the world is oh so much bigger than himself and his story. He comes to realize, finally, that he is not - in fact - the main character. 

Quentin in season four comes to realize that he’s part of an ensemble cast, and that his loved ones - his dear friends who have been helping him on his way - need him. That while he isn’t going to be the one to be High King of Fillory or to become a God or whatever other course he’s thought might be his - that his part of the story is still important, essential, necessary.

And yes, that includes his death.

And look, I know. I get it. It’s super problematic for one of the few queer characters in the show who also has a history of suicidal thoughts and actions to be the one to sacrifice himself for his friends. 

There is ... a lot to unpack in that. And I’m glad the fans have been taking it apart. I am.

But I personally feel so differently about it. Themes of heroic sacrifice have always meant a lot to me.

As I said, I am no longer suicidal, but I still feel strongly that if the time comes - I want to be able to choose my own death. Now, I don’t live in a fantasy novel or an action adventure movie, so I’m probably not going to get the chance to heroically sacrifice myself for my loved ones. 

But I want it marked down that I would gladly do that if given the chance. Not because I want to die - I love life, I love my life, but I love my friends and family even more. I’ve never been scared of death. I know most people are, on some level. But that’s never been a thing for me. I neither long for death nor fear it’s coming. It’s just part of life to me. 

I sometimes joke that if the zombie apocalypse comes, my loved ones should use me the first time I can be used as bait to save them. 

I make this joke, but I also mean it seriously. Because in any kind of apocalyptic scenario? I’m not gonna last long. I live with a severe chronic illness and without medication, I’m going to be both useless to those I care for and miserable for all of my symptoms and the withdrawal from the meds I take to treat them. 

(This is not to imply that all people with chronic health problems would be useless - many have skills that would be necessary for survival in apocalyptic settings. I just don’t happen to have any of those skills.) 

Come apocalypse time, I won’t be able to walk around or run around or hunt or build things or physically fight people or make clothing or beer or whatever. The absolute best use I could possibly be to my loved ones would be as bait in some kind of trap to allow them to run for their lives and maybe live to see another day. And I’d do that for them, gladly.

In reality, none of that is likely to happen. But I’m still clear that if the time comes, I want to go out on my own terms. I will likely get sicker, with my symptoms more difficult to treat, as time goes on. I know where my limitations are, and have let my friends and family know them as well. If an accident or other illness or injury doesn’t take me out first, if I hit my boundary of what I can live with, I want the choice. I want to be able to leave this life when it feels right for me.

And maybe some people would look at that, and think I’m still depressed and suicidal. But I’m not. I’m happy. I love my life. I’m stable mentally. I’m currently managing my physical shit even when it’s hard. And I’m surrounded by loved ones whose lives are also vitally important to me. As long as I can be of use to them alive - I’m gonna stick around. And be glad of it. But when my time comes - whether by my own choice or not - I’m okay with that, too. 

So, I know Quentin isn’t me. And I know he was still struggling emotionally, quite a lot. I know he got to the afterlife and wasn’t even sure, himself, if his sacrifice was more about heroism or suicide. 

But I feel like I know. I feel like he would have chosen to stay if he felt he could do so and still save all of his friends, and magic, and the world. 

When Penny takes him up to see his friends grieving, I think it’s clear how connected to them he feels. He sees how they loved him, and he knows he loved them, and if he could have chosen to stay - he would have.

But he made a choice. A choice that I found heroic and very profoundly deeply emotionally meaningfully powerfully healing. 

Now, again, even though I came to love and appreciate Quentin, he wasn’t my favorite character in the show. So his loss as far as that goes also isn’t as deep for me. But it’s gonna hurt like hell to watch how his death is affecting everyone else. 

It’s gonna hurt, but it’s also going to mean a lot to me. To see how his choice, his sacrifice, has allowed them to continue on with their lives, with their missions, with their stories.

Quentin was never the main character. He was always only one part of an ensemble cast. An essential, important, necessary part of that ensemble cast, yes. 

But we are still left with so many complex and interesting and diverse characters - so many female characters who are strong and vulnerable in such different ways, and Eliot and Margo’s delightful relationship, and so many more characters facing or coming out of traumas, and so many more fascinating things to explore about magic and how it works and just? So much more.

Quentin will be missed. For sure. But, for me? The show is still very much worth tuning in to. 

[deeeelightfuldee]

What’s the earliest you could go to bed at night and feel okay about?

in my best dreams id love to go to bed at like 745/8. but my brain doesnt shut down like that, and i tend to be very productive at night. Maybe one day tho

What is you favorite type of lunch meat?

uhhhhh turkey

What time of the year do you dislike the most?

summer heat.

Do you put ketchup on your scrambled eggs?

ew no.

What is your favorite color to wear?

so I have historically worn a lot of darker colors but I’m trying to be intentional about making my life romantic and I need to introduce more color.

Are you an overachiever?

in most respects, yes

What physical feature do you wish you had (i.e. freckles, curly hair)?

smaller size, sharper jawline, thicker hair (not a LOT thicker, just mildly)

What fictional character (i.e. Bambi, Scarlette O'Hara) would you marry?

mr. darcy omfggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggggg.

Did you ever go through a phase where you wrote bad poetry?

no. never

What is your favorite thing about your life?

that no matter what, God has always provided and had a better plan

Have you ever painted a picture of somebody?

as a kid, all the time.

Did you enjoy your past relationships?

in most respects. each of them was good for a time.

Name a comedy that you like.

four christmases

Could you wait until marriage for sex?

that was the plan

What was the last thing that impressed you?

ummm that the plumber was able to get the roots out of the drain as easily as he did.

When was the last time you were in a pet store?

last summer. We were going to get benny a little bro/sis but with covid everyone was adopting animals like crazy out here.. so the ones they had were on these enormous wait lists where you would go thru an interview, a HOME INSPECTION, and had to bring all your other animals in to meet said rescue. it was ridiculous. 

What nationality is your last name?

dutch

What’s your favorite kind of chips and dip?

ems crack dip with uhhh the wavy lays

Who was the last boy that you saw cry?

uhh hm. hmmmmmmm... I honestly can’t recall

Does your mom know you do surveys?

I dunno, tbh

Have you ever had a serious injury?

I mean, somewhat. Not anything I discuss tho lol

What was the last thing you achieved?

surviving vid!

Would you enjoy being famous?

i doubt it. I’m pretty introverted and even though I get along very easily with people, my batteries charge best when im by myself or home. I would very much like the income though lol.

What’s under your bed?

I plan to go thru it soon! I’m trying to gather all my kile memories and I know I have like jewelry paperwork, cards from flowers, letters, etc. that need to be pulled. :(

Do you enjoy travelling?

Love it.

Have you ever belonged to a club? If so, what was it?

absolutely. thats a long, long list. lots of academic, Christian, honors, volunteer, and youth group types.

When was the last time you drank strawberry milk?

oh geez, maybeeeeeee 15 years?

Have you ever managed to collect all the fast food toys in a set?

no. that was never my thing. 

Do you have a clock in your room?

No. My old cable box had the besttttttt time light. I miss having a small clock. I mentioned this to mom how we spent like forever looking for replacements after we changed cable providers. We didn’t want red or green, but the white. Now this makes me want to find one for my room. mom has a google device so shes set lol.

Did you have a good driver’s ED teacher?

I had the most phenomenal teacher. tho when it came to actual driving appointments (after the class periods) I often got paired with this older fella who constantly berated me over being homeschooled and telling me he was going to report me to the state. eventually I stood up to him, handed him the HSLDA contact card (home school legal defense association) and encouraged him to report me all he wanted. he stopped attacking me finally. it was awful. but the other gentleman was hilarious and fun.

Which of Britney Spears’ songs is your favorite?

ohhhhhh mer gersh i love so many of her songs. this answer would definitely change depending on the week but this week its a tie between gimme more and circus. 

Does mind over matter work for you?

in most respects

Are you paranoid?

i can be at times.

What is the best thing about winter?

OOOOOoo good gravy this is a long list. I love the calm. I love the way the air is thick and cold and how quiet it becomes. I love hearing the sound of snow falling. I love the glitter haze it leaves. I love the way it feels like the house wraps you up in a warm hug when you come in from the cold. I love the way candles and a fire in the fireplace make everything so cozy. I love the glow of twinkling lights, white and colored, just casting the most beautiful and dreamy cast on the neighborhood. I love the food and drinks that make you feel full and ready for a deep sleep. I love the clothes and the bundling up, the scarves, the hats, the mittens. I love the music and the way no matter where you go, there are carols playing the sweetest love songs. I love the way decorations come up and people display their much-loved memories in the form of ornaments on their trees. I love seeing the elaborate wrapping styles of packages around the tree and filling up the stockings. I love seeing the snowmen and igloo designs displayed with pride in the front yards around town. I love the way the world gets dark so early, yet.. there is light reflecting off the mounds of snow. I love the way the early night allows for early comfy flannel pajamas and thick wool socks and sleep. I love the curling up under a giant mound of blankets and reading a book. I love thinking about the joy on other’s faces when they open gifts that were cultivated for their happiness. I love the rereading of the beloved passages of scripture where we recall the reason for the season. I just love it all. 

Have you ever been truly in love?

yes. 2 times, how lucky I was. 

Are you currently planning a trip?

I was not. I probably could stand to be home for a bit. 

How many plants are in your home?

honestly, no clue at this point. I’ve been locked away coming up on a month. I dunno how many we have right now.

What is your favorite possession?

hmm. boy this is hard. It used to be my ring kile got me. I feel weird saying my favorite things are from him lately, so maybe my stained glass lamp. 

Have you ever felt like you were too nice and way too often overlooked?

I am a nice person majority of the time and I would say I have been overlooked from time to time but I definitely do not behave nicely in order to be noticed.

What movies have tripped you out?

eh, I’m not entirely sure. 

Did you rollerblade as a kid? Do you still rollerblade?

nope. I was so prone to breaking my ankles that it just absolutely was not for me. I tried a couple times, but couldn’t grasp the hang of it.

Would you ever settle into a relationship that wasn’t right for you? Do you know friends who are in relationships just so they have someone to sleep with at night?

no. this life is way too precious and too short to be spent laying next to someone who isn’t right for me. I have no intentions of settling. I do know of friends who have settled just to have someone near. It makes me so sad. The thought of settling like that just destroys me. Not to mention how unfair it is to the other person. Idk. Just sad sad sad.

Would you take a dirty picture of yourself for someone you are dating?

no nudity. 

Do you use earplugs or a sleeping mask when you sleep?

no. I would be way too distracted by that. I also don’t like things touching my face.

What summertime treats do you love?

ummm watermelon. popsicles.

How picky are you when it comes to choosing who to kiss or not kiss?

oooo boy im so ridiculously picky about it. In fact, one guy i was seeing for a few dates... i was like unsure of him and he wanted to kiss so bad and I just avoided it everytime lol.

What do you hate most about moving?

I’ve only done a temporary move. I don’t know that it’s the same. 

Do you feel that having sex anywhere but a bed is more exciting?

I think that I’d be down for it if I were married, but I think its most intimate when its in private lol

Do you drink 5 hour energy drinks or any other kinds of energy drinks?

Nope. It’s just not my thing. I’m never lacking that much energy.

Has anyone ever whistled at you?

yes. 

Do you like scarves?

love them. 

Is your father homophobic?

I’m not sure. I haven’t got a clue. 

Do you take gummy vitamins?

sometimes. its my preferred method

Have you ever applied make-up on a guy, for any reason at all?

not that I can recall. ohhhhhh maybe when i was in theater and we needed to put like color on their faces to ensure they wouldn’t be washed out by the harsh lighting.

Who would you like to meet before you die?

no one. those who want to meet me, should meet me lol

If your dream was to be a model, and a big opportunity came up, but you had to be nude, would you take it?

nah. 

What’s the most ridiculous conspiracy theory you’ve ever heard of?

oh there have been so many. I just ignore them. I don’t see sense in letting my mind be corrupted by that 

If Heaven and Hell exists, where are you going when you die?

heaven!

Who is the person that you are afraid of losing, above everyone else?

mom!

What is one thing that pisses you off pretty much everyday?

the bathroom lol

Is there anyone you know that you feel should consider therapy?

everyone. everyone and anyone would benefit from therapy.

Do you like any of the songs on Twilight, or the actual movie/saga itself?

I’ve never seen it so I couldn’t tell ya.

How old was the first person you kissed?

at the time? I was 16 he was ...... 19 

Will you be a strict parent one day?

strict? no. I’ll have rules and such but I’m a very loving caregiver... not to be cocky

Last person to stand up for you?

I wish i could tell you. I’ve never been the kind that requires someone else to protect me like that. but man, it has to feel good to know someone else is willing to go to those lengths.

Have you been to a baby shower?

many times.

Who were you with the last time you went to the movie theater?

My sister

What’s your favorite high school memory?

hmm, there are so many i loved.. probably the trips.

Do you like relationships, or do you prefer to be single?

i love being single, but miss the connection from a relationship

What is one adventurous thing you’d be willing to do?

hot air balloon.

What subject at school did you absolutely hate?

freakin math

Italian food or Chinese food?

Chinese. ugh, I’d kill for some if they had GF soy sauce options

Do you like to make flash cards when you study?

sometimes, it depends on what I’m using them for. often I’ll just write like Question Answer type patterns in my notebook and then use a coversheet. I hate losing notecards.

Has anyone ever told you that you’re a good singer?

yeah but I don’t sing like that anymore.

Do you ever watch TED talks, live or online?

I used to a lot,not anymore so much. 

I dare you to write the name of a person you strongly dislike.

no thank you

Biggest trouble you’ve ever gotten into at school?

none really on my behalf. one girl completely plagiarized my work and that led to some drama, but beyond that nothing.

Do you own one of those “professional” DSLR cameras?

no, I’m not that sort of wealthy.

Does it bother you when you see a 6th grader with a bunch of gadgets?

I mean, part of me thinks that its just kinda sad for the kid to not have simple pleasures instead of needing all the finest gadgets, 

Did you buy yearbooks every year in high school, or did you not bother?

n/a

Do you have Restless Legs Syndrome?

No

Jalapeños: yay or nay?

yay most of the time.

Did you ever play Minecraft?

uhhhh only when my nephews ask me to for like 5 mins lol

Did you ever have a Club Penguin account? Were you a member?

I didn’t.

Do you know anyone that seems to not have any common sense?

yes. some people just seem very... unaware.

What do you think is the biggest injustice that was ever done to you?

assault

What type of person angers you the most?

those who feel it is OK for them to assault another person in order to gain what they want or to release what they desire to release

If you could change your appearance, how would you alter it?

I’d want to be smaller. thicker hair. probably invisalign so I can correct my bite. 

Describe your first relationship?

he was ... fascinating to me. He allowed me to have my guard down. He made me laugh, he made me blush, but he made me feel like I was constantly safe. He was wounded from his previous marriage but he was.. so worth mending. However, we were long distance and he just wasn’t able to do that. He needed more than I was able to offer him at the time.

Describe your last relationship?

OK so relationship is such a widely defined word. I’m going to describe the last person I was personally committed to. He was my other half. He was pretty vain and conceited when I first got to know him. Constantly concerned with his work and nothing but his work. However, along the years he developed into the most kind, generous, patient, extremely loving man. He changed all sorts of his former ways. He began investing in his character and taking the time to better himself. It was so incredible to watch. We created a bond where he was my world. I thought I was his. but we ended over him having a relationship for years that I knew nothing about. it’s weird, this quote from jane eyre reminds me of him...

“I have a strange feeling with regard to you. As if I had a string somewhere under my left ribs, tightly knotted to a similar string in you. And if you were to leave I'm afraid that cord of communion would snap. And I have a notion that I'd take to bleeding inwardly. As for you, you'd forget me.”

Can you honestly say that you always practice safe sex?

I didn’t get the option to do so when it was happening. 

Why do you think your most favorite film touches you so deeply?

ps i love you just tears me to shreds over how effing painful it is to lose someone you love.

What do you want people you meet for the first time to think about you?

that I was kind and friendly, warm and inviting.

Do you feel protective over someone?

yes. my loved ones. my family members. my close friends.

What perfume/cologne do you wear?

ummm either very sexy night, or refuge.

What was the color of the bridesmaid dresses of the last wedding you went to?

a very deep, dark red/maroon. super lovely

What is your favorite way to eat chicken?

CHICKEN SANDWICH< preach

It is your birthday. You hope the cake is:

omg i crave regular birthday cake. gluten free cake so far has been quite disappointing. 

What were you doing at 8pm last night?

nothing.

[ufocafe]

do all the voltron asks!!

holy moly thanks pal i’ll answer them under the cut bc i anticipate it’ll be Longe since idk how to shut the fuck up

keith: how edgy/emo do u consider yourself to be?

tbh i don’t think i’m that bad like trust me i used to be way worse but overall on the inside i am Soft on the outside i still look hella edgy bc all my clothes are black and it’s just ,, how i look

shiro: are you a good leader and can you handle responsibility?

no and no i am So Bad at being in charge cause i don’t like telling people what to do and i’m a stressed out pushover who avoids anything like group projects at all costs

lance: what’s your type of humor and what’s your favorite meme?

whatever the hell this blog consists of is my humor it’s legit just a shitpost collection. nd my fav meme would probs be the whole cryptid meme trend ? idk if it counts as a meme itself but i lob posts that are like ‘i saw mothman in a overly air conditioned chili’s at 5:47 pm and he bought me a soda’

pidge: are you good w/ technology?

i’d say i’m average for someone my age like i’m a teenager in 2017 so i can operate simple stuff like computers and phones, find how to fix small problems but i’m not a #hacker though i did go to wikihow once to try and learn then gave up after a solid 30 seconds bc it was too hard

hunk: how kind and loyal do you consider yourself?

i’d say i’m pretty kind like i can be rude to a handful of ppl but only cause they’re bad ppl so it evens out. idk bout loyal cause ig it means to stick by your friendos and support them which ofc i do but i can’t say that i like stay by someone’s side thru everything bc sometimes things become Too Much or stuff goes down and u just gotta blast

allura: do you feel underestimated sometimes? and should you totally be the black paladin?

i feel like it’s more overestimated? lots of ppl expect great things from me that i don’t think i can achieve so it’s p stressful. also black paladin allura 4 life

coran: what’s your fav show other than voltron?

i have so many so i’m just gonna name a few; over the garden wall, star vs, gravity falls, stranger things, steven universe, etc.

zarkon: would you consider universe domination for your lost cat/pet

i,, don’t think so ? i mean idk what this question is rly implying like did someone steal my pet and now i gotta take over the world ? or did it die and the only way to like avenge it or whatever is world domination bc probably no to both which sounds heartless since i lob my dog but like everythings gotta die someday and i’m not gonna take over the world to reverse/stop smthn thats inevitable

kaltenecker: do you look good in sunglasses?

not sure i never wear then since i have glasses and rarely go to a beach-like setting but i probably do

slav: are you a perfectionist? do you believe in alternate universes?

i’d say i’m in the middle of perfectionist and absolute walking tornado like i’m so fucking messy and i’ll let stuff pile up until i’m basically living in a dump and i’ll hate it sm but i’m so lazy cause Depression then one day i’ll just do a massive clean up and make everything PERFECT. also yes i like to think theres alternate universes/realities it’s a cool concept to think abt cause it doesn’t exactly affect me it’s not an existential thing like pondering if god exists its more like “i wonder if i’m a duck in another reality”

thace: would you go against the authority if it was the right thing to do?

ofc fuck the authority

haggar: who is your fav character in voltron?

i’d have to say lance i lob my sweet son

matt: what are some things you like abt watching voltron?

i have to admit i’m more into filler episodes rather than fight scenes every few minutes so probably just like all the humor and team bonding it warms my emotionless heart

commander holt: do you like peas?

ya

voltron: are you a team player? do you prefer to work alone?

i rather work alone bc then i get to use all my ideas instead of make a compromise with someone else cause i can never find the voice to speak up for what i want so i just end up watching ppl do stuff i don’t like when there’s stuff i think would be better

blue lion: how trusting and loyal do you think you are?

i already mentioned the loyal thing but for trusting i think i trust too easily? ill just spill beans to ppl i’ve barely known for a long time i wish i was more mysterious but whatevs

red lion: how impulsive and/or decisive are you?

i have 0 impulse control for example i have problems with picking at my skin and i’ll just see a piece kinda tore away and before i know it my fingers are all bloody and i’m like owo what’s this. but when i actually put thought into a decision i am very indecisive because i always wanna make youre i’m making the right choice w/ smthn like choosing classes or buying a certain thing

green lion: how curious are you and what subjects are you interested in?

while being impulsive i’m also quite curious so if i wanna go sneak and see smthn there’s not hesitation. i like english/writing and psychology stuff.

yellow lion: do you consider yourself strong and reliable?

i don’t think i’m either i mean i’ll always be there for ppl if they need me but i don’t really think i’m the best person to lift ppl up even if i wanna

black lion: what are some things you want in season 3?

def more lance and hunk character development, some gay shit (cough klance cough) more team bonding in general, and allura piloting black lion ofc

rover: what’s one fact abt a pet you have/had?

once i had a dog and i can’t recall his breed but he looked just like toto from the wizard of oz and we had him for a few months but he pissed everywhere and on everything so we ended up selling him to some ppl. fast forward to a few months later maybe a year the couple had auditioned him to play toto in the school’s wizard of oz play and he got the part so that was cool

shay: do you love hunk? how do you feel abt the enviroment?

i lob hunk with all my heart he is a sweet bean + i care abt the enviorment a lot i think that with trump as president it’s really gonna go to shit more than it already is bc obv it’s been a dilemma for years now but with the goverment denying climate change and all that i rly fear for our planet

lotor: how concerned are you abt your looks?

i think i’m generally good looking but that’s not to say i’m not concerned with my looks bc i kinda am like ill see myself as cute or smthn but then as soon as acne starts popping up or my hair is bad i kinda just spend the next few days doing whatever i can to fix it so i stay nice hnngh it’s a work in progress

alfor: when faced with conflict, would you rather fight or flee?

i suppose it depends on the type of conflict but i’m most likely to fight until it gets too stressful and then leave

ulaz: would you sacrifice yourself for a cause?

we were asked a similar question in history regarding the dude who discovered gravity or smthn like that idk and it went against the churches beliefs so there was a trial and it was either death or admit he was wrong which is a pretty big thing i guess and we can all say we’d die for what we believed but if it actually came down to it the answer is kinda blurry. i had said i’d say i was wrong then continue to spread my info. underground or just flee but unlucky 4 him he was on house arrest for the rest of his life so choose wisely kiddos

i think i’m gonna sleeb now so bye