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#idk i'm just frustrated honestly
when I want to write something self indulgent to give me all the angsty and cuddly hurt/comfort feels but I can't because I end up feeling guilty because I'm seeking after feels that I feel in an inappropriate place because my mom told me one time when I was 15 that I shouldn't search that out or it's probably sexual sin but it confuses me because ALL the feels happen that way for me even if it's entirely platonic and nonsexual and so I don't know if it's okay to want to write to that because apparently all pleasure of any sort, even over platonic stories, is sexual or comes with a possibly probably sexual feeling and I also am having a hard time figuring out what's genuine conviction from God and what's just my anxiety/OCD/perfectionism/fear of failure
#like I feel like it's conviction. but also when I analyze it... I'm not doing anything sexual??? the stories I'm writing are#ENTIRELY platonic#it's like. found family feels.#but then why do I feel so guilty/convicted over it and feel better/less guilty when I stop writing anything feelsy#like... I guess I'm only allowed to write plot and can't ever write hugs and hurt/comfort anymore#my mom keeps saying I should journal all this instead of venting it at everybody and honestly maybe she's right#idk how to handle this but also I feel like if I just find a holding pattern where I can strike a healthy balance of lile#like* what is correct and healthy for me to enjoy#then the anxiety over it might pass? I don't want to avoid conviction though but like. why am I convicted over#writing a story where someone who's been treated like a monster finds a family who loves them#like.. is it because I'm seeking out whatever that feeling in my lower belly/groin is????#but that's like... so tied up in enjoyment and hurt/comfort to me that idk if I'm ACTUALLY looking for that#or if this is just what I write#and idk if that even is sinful in any way at all!!!#and why can't I just get over this? like I keep going in circles with it and it's so frustrating#idk this is totally tmi I just got hit with this awful feeling after work today and the only thing I can pinpoint it to#is this specific thing I've been writing. but even though yeah I've been getting feelsy with it... it's PLATONIC#ENTIRELY COMPLETELY NONSEXUAL. so like... is it that pleasure feeling that's the thing I'm being convicted over??#probably. bc that's the only thing that eases the feeling of conviction/anxiety/guilt#and also probably no one is reading all these tags lol sorry guys I'll go away now
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moe-broey · 1 month
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Amateur Hour but I gotta outsource this. Aromantics. Heed my call. What is "romantic" love to a non-believer?
Bonus Round if you're not entirely ace -- does experiencing any amount of sexual attraction influence your answer? Also acknowledging that both aro/ace identities exist on a spectrum. Believe me. I am deeply familiar... with so many kinds of spectrums........... 🧍
Also if this breaches containment It's Not That Serious........... just a personal question. For a friend. Me 🙂‍↕️
#was so tempted to put 'sometimes 'love' is just autistic obsession' as an answer bc on god#i do think that's a factor for me. like. espppppp in moe's case. moe is just Obsessed w alfonse.#extremely weird about him constantly studying him. like. it does feel like love... the intensity of it..... but.#both me and moe. most romance repulsed motherfuckers out there.#like. like. not to get too personal but the one relationship i did have. i genuinely felt i loved him#but i also think. so much of it was me reflecting what i Think love was 'supposed' to look like.#most importantly he was my best friend (at the time). and i def did feel differently about him than i did anyone else/even other friends#which is why i'm so conflicted... like half i did genuinely love him half i've never been able to love correctly#and it's always taken some level of putting on a performance according to what i see to 'perform' love#like. like. am i just autistic. does it just come down to the autism again.#but also esp nowadays like. back on my bullshit. i actually ALWAYS hesitate to call whatever moe has w alfonse 'romantic'#like. i think he does feel/experience romantic feelings. but moe is just so dysfunctional and messy#that like. i don't think it would call anything it feels about alfonse romance.#but it still completely adores him. in a way that's distinct from how it loves sharena and how it feels about anyone else.#even charas it admires. somehow. which honestly jusy leads me back to The Obsession again#also extremely focal is how the demisexuality kicks in. like. it's definitely not devoid of sexuality.#IDK IDK I'M TALKING TOO MUCH I'VE TALKED TOO MUCH AND I'M SO TIRED. I'VE BEEN SO TIRED#i'm not in my feelings honestly i'm just frustrated LMFAOOO LIKE. SCREAMING. WHY DOESN'T IT MAKE SENSE‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️‼️💥💥💥💥💥💥💥💥#why am i preordained by fate to never be loved OR understood. wjat the hell man!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
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capricioussun · 5 months
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Will probably delete later but genuinely WHY do so many ppl hate uf papyrus. "He’s horrible and a bad brother and abusive >:(((" my guy. YOU made him that way
#always weirds me out when a really bad take becomes popular fanon and ppl treat it like it's an inherent universal take#happens to all characters I feel but it's esp frustrating when it's not just a bad take but just straight making a character a certain way#as a plot device. or to project ur own issues onto. at that point just. make an oc or smth. why mangle a character so severely. what is#the purpose#im not even going to TRY to pretend i have perfect ic flawless interps (I absolutely don't and know this)#but even w/ characters I have minimal interest in (like asgore for ex) it's important to me to at least *try* to keep them in line w/ their#og counterparts.#and you'd think. given how so many ppl infantilized Papyrus. that some of that would've bled thru into au counterparts#but nope. the fanon versions are practically just wholly different characters who just look similar and 'fill the same role' in their au#and it's honestly not like there's a shortage of other characters sans could have a toxic relationship with in uf#(bc let's be honest here that's 90% of the reason uf papyrus got characterized that way. for ppl to project onto and sympathize with sans)#I don't like having strong negative opinions on things and I especially don't like talking abt them publicly but idk if it's just weird#timing or smth I've seen so many bad takes the past couple weeks#to each their own and I'd never like. bash someone for having a diff take than me. I just don't...understand.#idk#I'm really tired and my eyes are sticky so I really shouldn't even be posting rn bc I will see this later and be like#can't BELIEVE that guy posted an opinion on the internet. WHY would he do that
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bellasdragons · 10 months
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*very heavy sigh*
I dunno. I wish I knew how other people can be so creative, and think of fun scenery and apparel and such for all these beautiful accents, meanwhile I'm here getting a headache trying to come up with anything. I just wanted something fun and ideally bird themed for a dragon... :'(
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greencarnation · 11 months
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The whole world is watching in silent horror. At first I thought it was silent indifference but look: all you have to do is say the word "Gaza" and it's like the entire room you're in is plunged under water. Everyone drops their gazes and looks sick, silence settles like a dust carpet.
But this is good, see, because most people only need a kick up the ass to turn their silent horror into loud horror. The outrage and disgust is THERE. This is why it's so important to act, to speak out. If every person who felt horrified about this was to act we could see so much change. It starts with you, though. Lead by example
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aeide-thea · 1 year
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truly just SUCH a typical tumblr experience but like.
Familiar Tumblr Name makes a post that's like: 'you know how fast fashion perpetuates itself by selling us clothing that gets dingy and grody really fast, so we have to replace it yearly?'
me: uh, no, actually—historically i've found that the few fast fashion pieces i acquired long outstayed their welcome, and were perfectly wearable long after i was heartily sick of them! but go on, i guess
FTN: 'let me tell you about this traditional domestic wisdom (implied: that's been lost because of, uh, capitalism) that will fix this problem (that you, too, definitely have) for you!'
me, googling: okay so this residue that FTN said was somehow a Fast Fashion thing is apparently generally caused by like. fabric softener and/or hard water. using discount detergents that skimp on active ingredients. using too much detergent so it doesn't wash out. letting your bedding go too long between washes. letting your washer go too long between cleans. etc. anyway. lots of specific factors here, many of which may in fact not apply to you in particular!
but like. why get specific when instead we could assert You Know This Problem, Right? This Lost Traditional Wisdom Will Definitely Help You Personally!!
#just like. makes me mad as rhetoric bc like. *i* can evaluate yr Dramatic Tumblr Post critically and do independent research abt it#and determine how much of it applies to me#and like. the answer is: basically none but it's a good reminder to clean the washing machine‚ thx#but like. there are loads of ppl in the notes just like. nodding along very wide-eyed#to whom this ALSO may not be applicable but who have lapped up yr sloppy demagoguery#and it's just like. [FTN] admits *in this post* that they don't actually know all the ins and outs of this#and it's just like. then probably you shouldn't be climbing onto your soapbox to explain it to people just yet!!#and telling people to get Righteously Angry that this has been Kept From Them#anyway. extremely specific subtweet and honestly the consequences of blindly taking OP's advice would probably not be too bad#but it's just like. i get really frustrated with these bloggers who want to Dispense Advice#but aren't actually experts themselves‚ don't provide any citations for their assertions‚ and claim that things are Universally Applicable#which is just. never true!! people's situations vary!!!#and like. if everyone were equipped to critically evaluate this shit it'd be fine‚ probably#but they're not! people are like 'oh wow you sound confident‚ okay‚ information integrated into my worldview now!'#and it's just like. i realize the subject matter here is relatively low-stakes but it's like. the KIND of rhetoric here is. weird.#very like. There's Been a Conspiracy and You Should Believe Me Because I Sound Confident and Friendly and Like I'm On Your Side.#Reject the Innovations of Capitalism. Retvrn to the Old Ways.#and it's just like. hm what politicians does that remind me of!#anyway. sorry for this very vehement very specific subtweet i just. idk. genuinely think this strain of tumblr demagoguery is pernicious#and like. lots of it is perpetrated by liberals!! most of it ime! but it's the same damaging dynamic even so
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loumauve · 11 days
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I snapped today at work, and by snapped I mean I politely commented on a help desk ticket by summing up an mess of an (type of) issue that's come up for at least the fourth time in the 2+ months I've been managing user accounts, and asked the person responsible to fix it (himself for once) because last time I fixed his mess-up it took me two whole days to work out the details with at least four other colleagues from different departments and I really don't want to do it again. there's other shit that needs doing, I've been working 10+ hour days for most of this week already, so I need to cut down not add on more.
(good thing tho - at least we managed to fix the issue where the dataset of a newer employee got mixed up with another one of the same name and therefore wasn't able to apply for any of the access/accounts she needed. technically not entirely my area but it does impact us not being allowed to create an account for her so I figured I might as well track that issue down. took three days and at least three other people, but hey - it should all work out now. yay for that)
#been feeling anxious af ever since bc it's the first time I've been this firm in a reply and idk how they'll take it#there's underlying issues in inter-departmental communication that need fixing that cause these issues to happen again and again#but my boss is on parental leave and his substitute is sick not that she cares or is up for doing her job where communication is concerned#so there's no real sense in addressing that rn esp by me who's only been there since June. but it does frustrate me a lot#anyway. I'm sure I'll get over this too. but yeah.. ppl not thinking things through for the two mins it takes to create an account#or the twenty seconds it takes to check if one already exists before creating a new one#or the minute it takes to check if folks still have an active contract past their time working in your department before deleting an accoun#just jfc. put in a smidge of effort and five mins total and save the rest of us from spending half a day to fix your mistake#oh well. if I get a pissy response I'll just blame it on being new as an intern and being too motivated and idealistic I guess#god forbid I expect people to do their jobs thoroughly or with at least a singular thought..#anyway. I feel like I'm allowed to be grumpy abt this since we are the folks who end up having to fix this shit#and by we I mean pretty much mostly me at this point bc one colleague is sick atm. my boss barely has time for this and is on leave#and my other colleague only works half time so I'm the one who's been handling most of these over the past month or so#which.. is still insane considering how I'm a goddamn intern who shouldn't even have admin rights tbh#but without them I couldn't do anything at all lol so here I am. nice that they trust and believe in me I suppose#that's why I try to do my best. (who am I kidding that's always the case anyway)#but yeah. definitely a 50% staff support job and only 50% of the other important things that need doing rn it's more like 90/10#and it's funny how I still dread my two hours of hotline. but every time the line is too busy I still jump in#we are also only 6 people atm out of 10 and three of us are still in training. and one of the trained folks had to come back in mid time of#next week we'll likely be 4#depending on if our substitute boss lady is back.. not that I'd look forward to it. she's a mess and she's been horrible to deal with latel#sure. she's stressed. but she's either snapping at me when I ask abt shit I can't know yet or she's ignoring me. great basis for team work.#so honestly I'd rather she not return on Monday. esp not if she's gonna spread her germs everywhere#but now sleep. sorry for the rant. it's certainly been quite the month since I returned from my own wisdom tooth rated sick leave..#gotta be up again in 6.5 hrs so I can be at work at 6 to let the electrician in. I'm gonna sleep so hard over the weekend I stg#a day in the life of..
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pantherpilz · 11 months
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@ my chronically ill peeps: you don't owe anyone the extra effort it takes to pretend that you are ok. You don't need to pretend, even if it makes people upset, downright furious even.
You will have people who get upset at you for being chronically ill, because surprise!! your condition is chronic and no matter how many times they ask: no, it did not get better overnight. No, not even after trying -thing-
It's ok to be chronically ill, it's not a moral failing or your fault, you are NOT a burden. Sometimes shit just happens. And the people who do matter? They will stick around, even if you're having a particularly bad day or when you simply don't have the energy to put a fake smile on your face.
Chronically ill people do not need to try harder, to grow despite our illness and be a "success story".
You are not a failure for having to rely on people or for being dependent on medication.
If you're not chronically ill, be prepared for the answer to the question of "How are you?" or "Are you OK?" It will not always be what you want to hear.
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piplupod · 4 months
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sui tw (nothing to actually worry abt dw fjdkdl)
also one more vent but it is baffling to me that there are people in the world who aren't suicidal rn. i just keep looking at the state of everything and i think about the fact that food is becoming unaffordable and then remember how stressed i am every time i have to get groceries, and I just keep feeling like maybe it's time to give up. how the fuck is anyone not struggling to convince themselves it is worth it to be alive right now (i am envious of them). i wish i could go even just one day without having to forcibly shove down or just pointedly ignore the gnawing feeling of doom and hopelessness and subsequent urge to off myself fjfkdl
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im2tired4usernames · 4 months
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I might just be dumb but I don't really understand making fun of you partners? I don't understand introducing them to your family like "gets my stupid asshole "I don't understand the play fighting I get teasing on some stuff is fun n cute if your both into that???? but?????my wife's smart I'm not gonna call em dumb to be funny and I'd cry if my wife told their friends I was super dumb n annoying? Yeah people are gonna do stupid things and no one's perfect I know I'm gonna do something that's gonna be annoying and stupid same with my wife n friends n family and well really anyone I just don't get when people talk down their partners to they're friends? Like do you want your friends to think low of your partner Do you want your friend to really think they're stupid and smelly and hate them????Do you actually like the person you dating???? Then why are you telling your friends and family what a stupid irresponsible jerk they are and how you can't stand them????????????? Am I missing a joke goin on is this a humor thing or social thing in just out of the loop on???????
#like it's not even venting it's just a joke?#i hate my wife joke?#couldn't be me? my wifes the best they're smart and talented and hot as the sun and they treat me very kind n patient they're my bestfriend#i get maybe venting maybe i get Getting frustrated and annoyed over some things but it's kinda scary how many people i know....#who just..... don't actually like they're partners... like they're not even friends??????????????#i don't get it?????????? i really don't understand why would you date someone you wouldn't be friends with???????#like i get maybe venting but this isn't venting and honestly you should talk to your partner about things if they're upsetting you so much#i think I'm just dumb because it happens a lot my siblings my coworkers one of my friends they just....talk shit about their partners like#they don't like them and I'm my coworkers case they really should leave their husbands are shit if everything they're saying is true#idk i just can't imagine introducing my wife m being like 'hers my bitch ass nag wife they're an asshole and they're stupid' to my friend#that's????? what???? are you both ok?????#i get like if you needed to like talk to your friend about something for another view just to make sure you aren't in the wrong#an unbiased option if there's a fight or to validate you if your goin through something like my coworkers xonfide in me about her husband's#cheating and financially irresponsible bullshit and frankly i told her he's probably not goin to stop cheating after three times and#like that makes sense#but just talking your boyfriend down to your friends why?#don't get it
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chthonicmoons · 4 months
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damn. did that many people really not like the original resource gathering system in hades ii? reading the patch notes and seeing they changed it so that you can now access all types of resources as long as you have the tools unlocked, not just the one you decide to take out on a run and i'm honestly disappointed. i really liked that feature and i wasn't really finding it too difficult to get the resources i needed that way? but ig maybe most ppl play faster than me/want to progress the upgrades/incantations faster... idk man. downside of playing EA i guess though! gonna be stuff i like that inevitably gets phased out
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daxite · 19 days
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very controversial opinion right now but i seriously think steve has always just meant to be tan lol
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the worst part of having a crush is that it makes me feel inutterably stupid at all times
#like not only bc I'm such a dumb schoolgirl about it#but also bc I SHOULD be realistic and I'm NOT being that right now#like there's VERY little chance that he even likes me back. we're only tentatively even friends#and he's going to college out of state so like#there's actually honestly no way#and YET#and I feel SO stupid anytime I think about it#like I'm not ALLOWED to say that I'm in love even though that's honestly kinda what it is#I feel SO stupid for saying that#and I hate that I'm being so unrealistic with everything right now#it makes me kind of hate myself#and actually I probably only feel like this because some stuff's come up this afternoon that has me HORRIFICALLY stressed#and frustrated just in a generalized kind of way#and I actually kind of hate everyone right now. kinda just want to be like... ANYWHERE else#idk why my day can go SO well and then as soon as my parents come home everything sucks#like I'm freaking trying to have a freaking conversation with my mom!! I just want to tell her about my day and hear about hers!!!#but my dad won't stop interrupting because he can't find stuff and he won't tell us what he's trying to find#like I keep starting a sentence and I never freaking get to finish it#I'm trying to tell my mom all about church and the sweet 12 year old who's training on the sound board!!#I'm LIKE DAD JUST EFFING TELL ME WHAT YOU'RE LOOKING FOR I PROBABLY KNOW WHERE IT IS#but he WON'T#but he still keeps interrupting to talk to mom even though he SEES me standing there trying to talk to her#I just want to cry and shout at someone but I can't#I have to do a ton of stuff before I can get away and go be alone#I'm locked in the bathroom right now bc I just blew up at one of the dogs and my sister got angry at me for it#but the dog nearly ran away and wouldn't FREAKING come when I called her and I'm just so frustrated#and I talked to my sister in law on the phone today and now I want to cry bc I miss her#anyway. I hate life rn. I'm sure in 10 minutes I'll have calmed down from my stress and will not hate it any longer#Lu rambles
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bixiaoshi · 6 months
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#the more i think abt relationships n having a partner the more convinced i get that i'll never get to experience that loo#lol* for multiple reasons actually#idk i feel like im just not the kind of person ppl would have a crush on you know n for a relationship u need two ppl so#n i feel like that comes directly from the fact that as a teenager no one ever had a crush on me or confessed to me#n like sure relationships aren't everything but not being the person ppl had crushes on during teenager years just. gives u a feeling i#cannot rlly explain you know. the only ppl who understand me is ppl who went through the same as me#n it's so frustrating lol bcs when i want to express how that makes me feel im always hit with 'ohh but you're so pretty' 'but you didn't#miss out much!' 'if you don't look for a relationship it will come!' and it gets so tiring bcs it's always the same over and over!!#like i've never actively looked for a partner n it never came either way!!!!!!!!!! and i'd like to decide if it was worth it or not!!!!!!#idk man being almost 25 and never have been in a relationship did things to me that i don't think i'll ever get over#i convinced myself i'm never gonna get into a relationship to either get those thoughts out of my head or to like prepare myself towards th#future bcs honestly? i just think thats not for me#and it sucks a bit you know? like i'd love to know how it feels to have someone in love with you#i yearn for that but i simply don't think i'm someone ppl fall in love with. never have been and convinced myself i never will#i may delete this but i needed to get it out lol#ppl who never has been in relatiomships n are adults now let's all hold hands 🫴#jo.txt
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therealraeweber · 6 months
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Art school is so completely draining and deflating some times
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peachsayshi · 1 year
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I don’t mean to point out the anons message- but the truth is, it’s really frustrating receiving messages that read out like demands (even though I’m sure it’s not the intention). I usually just delete them, but like, the least you can do when sending somebody a request is to say hi or check out a writer’s pinned notice to see what they are or are not comfortable writing. 
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